#mandatory fuck you martin

[olympain]

You can’t even overcome your fear now that your friend is about to die

[1-800anklebully]

That girl Jude Bellingham x black female oc

Summary: You are one of the best female players in woman football. And for some odd a reason a certain Dortmund player had taken a liking into you.

Warnings: Swearing, and use of alcohol, and just Jude being Jude. Also for sake of this imagine Trent plays for Borussia Dortmund. And probably more things I cant think off the top of my head.

Excuse any errors

┊ ˚➶ ｡˚

It was a hot day in England to be exact it was about 28 degrees, you could not spot a single cloud in the sky it was as clear as day. The sun was the only thing out today.

Along with the female and male England teams they unfortunately had to train on this beautiful note the sarcasm. They were on separate grounds the men on the other and the woman on the other.

Simply just doing drills and works out as the men had a game approaching this week which meant the ladies had to attend it was mandatory.

“Girls are you mucking around? You’re meant to be working on your kicking skills. Especially you Gretchen.” Coach Martin pointed her out and she went a bright shade of red. He was wrong for that.

But hey that was Coach Martin for you he didn’t care who he offends or humiliates. He was honest and like it or not that’s who he is. The whole team have all came to the conclusion that’s who he is as a person.

He was so nonchalant to everyone including his wife. I think the only time he actually cracked a smile and let himself loose was when the woman had won their World Cup.

“Oh then you come fashionably late l/n. Maybe you can teach these girls how to kick a fucking football!” He seethed throwing his clipboard to ground and he stormed off the field to where the men were gawking in disbelief.

You on the other hand, had just arrived and were beyond perplexed on why he was so grouchy in the morning. Maybe he woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

“What did you guys do to piss him off.” You sighed crossing your arms. You were the youngest in the ground yet you felt like the oldest.

“Nothing just practicing our kicking and he just flipped.” Gretchen sighed rubbing her face now recovered from being called out.

You raised a eyebrow.” I get what he means though. You’re lazy Gretchen.” She said making the men gasp and some say ‘oh shít’.

“E-Excuse me.”

“You heard me you kick like a pre-schooler and lack putting in effort when performing. I know we’re better and bigger than that. That goes for all of you we can’t be slacking off just because we won a cup.

It doesn’t mean anything it’s a new which means we have to try harder for another 4 years. Understood. Now let’s started.” You explained and they all nodded in agreement paring up with somebody to pass the ball back and forth.

A speaker was on, Burna boy was playing on the speakers some of the girls were dancing and the others were chatting while actually doing what they were told.

It was not surprising as they had respected their captain you and could never disagree with what she says due to her always knowing what’s best for their team.

“I wonder why Coach M was so mad at them they seem to be kicking efficiently.” Trent analysed joining Jude who was on his break watching the girls train. Not in a creepy way.

“I agree. Who is she.” Jude didn’t tear his eyes off you as you laughed handling the ball with so much skill and it was effortlessly too.

“Who?”

“Number 9.”

Trent furrowed his eyebrows, but once his eyes landed on you he smiled and waved at you and you blew him a kiss jokingly making him laugh.

“That’s Y/n L/n. Their captain. She’s a damn beast on the field you should see her.” Trent ranted amazed by your work.

“What’s so good about her.” Jude shifted uncomfortably not liking how doe eyed Trent looked at you.

“She has won countless medals and not to mention she’s the captain of her team at only 19 like you it’s incredible.”

“Oh yeah well how do you know her?” Jude couldn’t help but question. Trent then began explaining that your sister was dating one of his brothers. Tyler.

And you guys stood together at the wedding of one of his cousin wedding. Ever since then you made it your duty to tease him. Partially because you use to have a crush on Trent, but the crush faded as soon as you saw his dance moves that night.

It shocked you that someone that was mixed with Caribbean had no rhythm at all. Stiff as a board.

“Well she seems cool.” Jude expressed as he kicked down on the grass with his boots. Trent stared at him funny. There was no way…

“Do you fancy her?”

“No?!”

Trend rolled his eyes at how defensive Jude became it obviously meant that he found her some what attractive . Yet he couldn’t blame him. You were a sight for sore eyes.

“I’m just going to put this out there if you choose to pursue her, you’re not going to be 100% successful. She’s a tough one. Wants her eggs cracked.” Trent tried explaining but all Jude could see was love-hearts.

He wanted to get to know her, heck if he had known about her earlier he probably would’ve shot his shot.

You pivoted your right foot so that the ball had hit the inner side of your boot and boom the ball had went into the goal square.

Your team cheered as you run around the field screaming they had jumped on you which made you tumble down. However when down your eyes landed on a familiar pair of brown ones and they twinkled with delight.

You felt like you were in trance with this stranger and for whatever your eyes couldn't seem to drift away only until your teammates had carried you away to the locker-room and you loss sight of him in the crowd.

''Jude.'' Trent spoke a wide shit eating grin on his face he could beyond a doubt see that this youngin was already plotting your whole life together. That's how Jude was.

He falls in love to quick and believes in love at first sight. This is how he always tends to end up broken heart as he dates the first girl he sees.

''BOYS WE'RE RESUMING ARNOLD, BELLINGHAM!''

┊ ⋆ ┊ . ┊ ┊

Your point of view

Time had now passed and the girls were done with their practice most were showering and others were chatting getting ready to leave. You stood against the wall typing mindlessly on your phone to your younger brother who was claiming there was no food at home.

Which was a lie because your mother always cooked at home for your father however your brother wasn't interested and only wanted fast food. So being the good old sister you were you would always buy him something when you could.

Lori, your teammate and best friend had came over and bit into you shoulder causing you gasp and flip around while she laughs toppling over.

"Girl you're weird as fuck you can't be doing that shit.'' You berated clutching your shoulder as she smiled goofily. She was always doing strange things to make her presence known.

She simply shrugged ignoring your statement.'' Who are you texting.'' She peers over your shoulder and scrunches up her face, when she sees your brothers name on the screen.

''Not that little brat.'' Her and your brother didn't exactly get along as he had a attitude problem according to her which wasn't exactly false.

''Not too much Lori. How are you beefing with a 16 almost 17 year old and you hanging onto 20.''

''That boy's a menace don't even.'' She waved you off for defending your brother and eyed Emily's arse as she walked by which made you roll your eyes at how she was not being subtle at all.

''Anyways, I saw Mr Bellingham eying you earlier on the pitch what's up with that huh.'' She nudged you knowingly as if you knew what on earth she was going on about.

''Who the hell is that? And piss off would you.'' You scoffed pushing her away to stop her hassle.

Lori's face had dropped there was no way you didn't know who Jude was he was all over tik tok and Instagram you name it. He was everywhere and for you not know who he was astounding.

Most 13-17 year old girls would be shaking their head at your lack of knowledge.

''Are you bloody serious? Number 22 that guy that was gawking at you that's Jude Bellingham.'' She stares at you alarmed at how un phased you were that he even glanced your way.

Quite frankly you weren't interested as the last thing on your mind was a boyfriend you already were one step ahead of Lori. She was probably already jotting down ideas on how to purposely make you two bump into each other.

''oh that's cool.'' You go back to texting your brother laughing at the text he sent you. Unaware of how badly she was glaring you down.

''I hate you sometimes you know that.''

'' I know.'' You chimed and began walking off to shower.

" You know he's feeling you!" She yelled out not caring who heard she just wanted to get her message across.

"NO HE'S NOT NOT!''

┊ ⋆ ┊ . ┊ ┊

LATER ON THAT NIGHT

While on your drive back home after spending some time with the girls, the traffic to your house was absolutely bizarre. Especially at this time of the night since it was around 8pm you didn’t expect that much people to be out and about.

Sighing, you knew the best thing that you could was scroll on your phone to by some time. Adjusting your seat, you went on Instagram catching up on everything you had missed due to being a practice. Eh it was same same.

Insta models, DMS being flooded with messages from random people most positive but some could be quite nasty.

For some reason a random cloud had propped over you and it was encouraging to scroll through this Jude Bellinghams page.

So you did. Oh he took some nice photos. Mainly about football not really into posting his social life. That’s great.

Accept why were you stalking his page if you weren’t interested. You mentally scolded yourself and hopped off his profile going to something else.

You will give it to Lori though, he is quite majestic and definitely does have the looks. But of course you would never admit that out loud.

“Finally, you’re here.” Your brother exaggerated dashing up from the living room. He didn’t even greet you, he just finessed the bag of Maccas from you.

Your mother scolded him and he just hummed.

“Tobias.” She tutted him as he just took a bite of the burger and his eyes widened.” OH- thanks Y/n!”

You waved him off with a tired smile and just collapsed on the couch next to your mother who was knitting.

“Hey mama.”

“Hey sweetie. How was practice?” She never tore her eyes off her thread. It still marvelled you at how she threaded so efficiently even though she was approaching her late 40s.

''Practice was the same. Accept the girls were taking it lightly as they won a championship.'' You voiced your frustration making your mother tut her head.

''You're being so hard on them Y/N let then relax its only been 2 weeks. Lay off.'' Your mother insists knowing how uptight you could be fun was not in your vocabulary. Only when you were intoxicated which you'll see what I mean eventually.

''I agree stop being a tight arseeeee Y/NNNNN.'' Tobias sung getting all in your face causing you to shove him away and he falls backwards making your father let out a belly full laugh.

Tobias groans in agony getting from the ground clutching the back of his head, a grimace on his face.'' You're so damn aggressive.''

''Karmas a bitch ain't it huh.''

'' Y/N language.'' Your father reminded you.

''See this is why you don't have a boyfriend.''

The smirk had dropped from you face quicker than a ice cream on a hot day. You stood up from the couch and began tying your hair up. Sure your brother was almost a whole foot taller than you and had longer legs.

But you could take him down any day with your strength. He'll always be little bro, and respectfully he's gonna learn today.

''Y/N IM SORRY-"'

He screamed out and began running like a mad man you followed his lead.

"Whatever you do don't kill our son Y/N!''

┊ ˚➶ ｡˚

Authors note: And just like that I have published another imagine this has been sitting here for awhile so I am glad its out there. I hope you all liked it!🤎

[the-offside-rule]

Lance Stroll (Aston Martin) - Stay Away Part 4

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Lance sat in the race briefing, thinking about Y/n and George. They looked quite happy and it bothered Lance a bit. He couldn't focus at all, all this over Lando's sister. He couldn't comprehend how the two could be related. One was so nice to him, the other barely spoke to him. These thoughts continued up until the start of the race. Lance stood preparing, still understanding what was happening. "Hey Lance." Lance groaned and continued putting on his helmet as he heard th e annoying British voice. As Lando approached, he knew Lance wasn't going to talk so why not provoke him? "What's the matter?" Lando asked, knowing fully well what was happening. "Can you just leave me please? I have to get ready for the race." Lando laughed and got a bit closer to Lance. "I see you came to your senses that you weren't good enough for her then." Lance looked between his Aston Martin and Lando's McLaren right behind. "As if, look who's qualified ahead." Lando grumbled in response. He didn't like seeing Lance's racing green Aston Martin right ahead of his papaya orange McLaren. "Won't last long, don't get points for qualifying." Lando smirked. "With the mood I'm in you'll be lucky if you even get points." Lando clenched his jaw tight and walked off, prepared himself. He was going to out race Lance, no matter what it took.

"Fuck!" Lance screamed as he turned his radio off. He swore and hit the steering wheel before he removed it and hopped out. He was doing well up until turn 1,he managed to gain two positions but then a Mercedes hit him from behind. He didn't speak in the medical car and he barely spoke in the medical centre as they ran their mandatory checks. His head was checked as well as the rest of his body but main priority was his head and neck. He was cleared and so he stood up and walked out the door to the medical centre. He looked in front of him to see the familiar face of Y/n sitting right outside. "Oh thank god you're okay." Y/n said as she took notice of the door opening.

"What are you doing here?" Lance asked as Y/n stood up. "Making sure you were okay. Lando isn't here to stop me now so I can do what I want really." She pulled him into a hug, before he slowly wrapped his arms around her to return the hug. Lance's lips curled into a light-hearted smile before the pair walked off together. "It's nice outside, isn't it?" Y/n asked. Lance looked up at the sky and saw that there were no clouds at all. "Yeah, looks nice." He replied. She looked over at Lance and knew he was still bummed out about being crashed out in turn 1,which is completely understandable. She just wanted to get his mind off it for a bit. They were silent for a while, Lance spoke up first.

"You aren't going to ask about what happened?" Y/n shook her head. "Nope. One thing you don't ask a driver is about their race if they dnf. Lando told me that." So Lando can be right sometimes Lance thought. "He's right to be honest. No one likes being asked about bad things." She continued to walk with him as they walked out into the paddock, the sky sports cameras following them both. Lance tended to his media duties while Y/n sat watching Lando racing.

Lance stood at the McLaren hospitality, wondering whether ror not he should aks someone to go get Y/n but thankfully, she already saw him. "Finished now?" Lance nodded. "Let's go get some food or something then. Don't really want to stay here." Lance and Y/n spoke about anything and everything on the way to a small cafe just in the small town nearby the track. They sat down, yet again talking about anything and everything. Y/n's phone rang, Lanods name popping up. "Give me one second." She told Lance. "Yeah? What's up?" she asked Lando. "Why aren't you here?" Lando asked. "I'm not in the mood to get sprayed by champagne, Lando. I'm in tb e mood for a coffee." She said. "So you're not coming to my podium?" Lando asked through the phone. Y/n looked back to Lance and smiled. "No, too busy at the moment Lando."

"Too busy for your own brother?" he asked jokingly. "Yeah, too busy." Lando was quiet for a minute. He was thinking. "Who are you with?"

"Guess."

"Charlotte said she saw you walk out the paddock with Lance, it better not be true. I'll disown you."

"Disown me then. Y/n Stroll sounds better anyway." Y/n replied cheekily, driving Lando absolutely insane. "Don't you dare hang up! Get back for my podium!" He demanded. "Sorry Lando!" and with that, Y/n hung up and put her phone away. She looked over to Lance and saw him smirking at her. "What?" she asked. "Y/n Stroll does have a nice ring to it." Lance chuckled as he swirled the teaspoon around the cup of coffee. "Yeah well, I-"

"Not your name yet." Lance joked, sipping on his drink. "Yeah, yet. Still got some time to go until then, ey Lancelot?" Lance took her hand into his from across the table. "Lots of time. Can't wait to spend it with you."

"So, how are we feeling then?" Lance asked Y/n as they lay in bed together. "I like the name a lot." She giggled as Lance lifted her hand up and stretching her finngers out to show off her ring. "I like the name too. It suits you." Y/n smiled and cuddled into Lance. "Much better than Norris." Lance kissed her hair and agreed. "Y/n Stroll,

My wife."

[tbhimnoteasyonmyself]

9 Fandom Peeps to Get to Know You Better

First of all, thank you Mickey (@thisautistic) for tagging me <3. Super thrilled that you thought of me for this!!

Now...

3 Ships You Like

1. Kimchay (Kinnporsche)

My babies. I want to protect them both. They're precious and perfect to be put in situations. A force strong enough to have me cooking a longfic after years of not writing a single one. Do I need to same more?? Absolutely obsessed 💜💜💜.

2. Pangwave (The Gifted)

Obligatory mention to my special little ADHD x Autism duo. Don't even arue that they're not canon, if you think that it's bc you missed very significant subtext, I suggest you rewatch this series. Pls and thank you. I will NOT take any criticism.

3. Sandray (Only Friends)

I knew from their 1st sex scene that I was down bad but their trailer sex scene just completely rewired my brain. Is their dynamic fucked up? Yes. Will they hurt each other along the way? Absolutely. But they're on their path to something better and I believe in them. Bc if Ray is deserving of love even after everything that went down then so are all of us. And there's that.

First Ship Ever

Larry Stylinson! (from One Direction)

Straight back from when I was 13, going strong! kskskskssksk I'm not so much there actively in the fandom anymore, but know that I'm there in spirit. sksksksksks Could never abandon the reason for so much change in my life! Good memories!!

Last Song Heard

Nooit Meer Spijt by S10

It's such a good song! I'm not Dutch or Dutch-adjacent but I was introduced to S10 by a friend of mine who's Belgian and I fell in love with her music ever since!

Favorite Childhood Book

A Fada Oriana (The Fairy Oriana) by Sophia de Mello Breyner Andresen.

It's about a fairy named Oriana that has to take care of a forest but one day, while looking at the river, meets a fish who talks her into neglecting the forest, which causes a lot of trouble. Then, Oriana, has to learn how to repair the damage she made.

It's a book about responsibility, consequeses, the importance of individual action and learning from one's mistakes.

Currently Reading

Património Cultural: Realidade Viva (Cultural Patrimony: Live Reality) by Guilherme d'Oliveira Martins.

It's a book about the preservation of patrimony in Portugal under the context of belonging in the European Union in the 21st century.

It's not a very interesting book nor scientific, just a summary of Portuguese and European laws for people who don't wanna read the laws (?). I wouldn't read it on my own but it's a mandatory read for one of my classes in my Master's so I gotta ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

Currently Watching

23.5

I didn't know if I was going to but since GMM seems to be finally trying out more for the GLs, I feel like I need to show my support in this direction so I made the moral choice of watching as it airs to make it clear to them the audience for this is here and we want more of it!

So far ep.1 was super cliché and silly but I liked it a lot!! I want all the clichés for the girls too! Tired of seeing queer women suffer and die on screen...

2. 3 Will Be Free

It had been sitting on my watchlist for a while but I never gotten around to it for some reason... Nevertheless, my latest Wheel Decide™ for what to watch next landed on it, so... I'm watching it now!

2 episodes in only but I'm loving it a lot!! The plot's super interesting so far, really like the way they're going about it. Let's see where it goes!!

Currently Consuming

I'm gonna opt to mention the game I'm currently playing (besides Bloons TD 6, but I'm always playing Bloons, so... not news), which is Heaven's Vault by Inkle!

It's an extremely niche game, focused on figuring out an ancient language and, with it, the history of the world it's set in. It envolves robots, space travelling, discussions on xenophobia and religious intolerence and a lot more. I haven't finished yet but I'm loving the experience so far!

I understand it's not for everyone but I'm loving it!! <3 (not a Mickey D's reference, fuck Mickey D's)

Currently Craving

You know, I could go with bibimbap bc I really want some rn but I'm gonna go a bit deeper and say: after the terribleness of my last 2 relationships, all I really want is one that's not enirely chatastrophic. kskssksksksk That'd be pretty neat. kssksksk

So yeah... This was a lot of fun, actually!! I love to share stuff about media I like!!

Tagging @jukain4216 @lost-my-sanity1 @anthrotmnt @shannankle @defomin @aiyui @fiddlepickdouglas @tinysandwichstudent @sicknsadsicknrad @itsamzz28 @whomanist and any other of my lovely moots that hasn't directly been tagged but comes accross this <3.

All the love! 💜💜💜

[lostonehero]

This is stupid and I just really love Martin ok?

In which I make Martin's mother even worse

Tim sighs. "Why are we even here?"

"Because it's mandatory fun." Sasha snickers.

Jon crossed his arms. "Martin's running later, which isn't a surprise."

"Dude, chill out he literally just moved flats." Tim raised his brow, realizing Jon was saying this because they should all be together.

Jon sighs, his hair tied up in a bun. The heat outside was a lot for summer, and he would rather be inside.

Sasha points to a man with red hair, and his back turned to them. "Tim, where's your bidar?"

Tim followed her, pointing, and he could feel himself grow red in the face. The man was tall and chubby, but the fat was hiding muscle underneath and had intricate tattoos littering his body that poked out from the tank top, and they covered his legs that were shown from his shorts. "What department does he work in?"

Jon swallows that man could crush him, and he just wanted to be carried by him. "I'm not sure he must be a new hire."

Sasha rolls her eyes and approaches the man. "Hey, so my... oh!"

"Oh, Sasha! Sorry, I got turned around in the crowds, and I may have missed the train this morning. I made it, though, and I feel a bit underdressed, but it is quite hot today." Martin looks over and waves. "Oh, hey!"

Jon physically pales he just assumed Martin wasn't.... He wore big clothes and his face was soft. He makes his way over, and he can see the tattoos close up, and he furrows his brows. "I didn't think you would be one for tattoos."

Martin's face falls for a moment. "I didn't get them on purpose, but that isn't important. I'm glad I managed to find you guys. I ran into Elias and his ex husband that wasn't a fun conversation to get away from. Elias did look confused when he saw my tattoos he didn't even say something about being unprofessional. Anyway, I also passed some fun fair food they got from America that looked cool."

Tim nods. "I didn't know you worked out? You could have said something we can go for a run together, maybe even go on a hike."

"I just do some free climbing. It's nothing special, but hiking sounds fun." Martin smiles as Sasha grabs his arm.

"Ooo, show me the booths and spill the tea on what the big boss man was arguing about." Sasha chuckles.

"Oh, alright, yeah, so it turns out Elias's ex-husband is Peter Lukas. You know the Lukas family...."

.....

Martin sighs as he returns to his flat. He's incredibly embarrassed. Everyone saw the carvings, well they called them tattoos. He knew they weren't tattoos. His mother wasn't a kind person and used him as an experiment of sorts. 3 fears all across his flesh, he was an avatar of all of them. Jon was becoming the archivist, and Jonah was keeping him unaware till he couldn't. He knew it wouldn't work out well.

He served the Web the End and the Vast. Not really serving, they treat him like they are coparenting him, not their true nature but due to his mother they were infected by humanity and all three worry for him and don't want him hurt. He likes to think they don't want to lose their capacity to learn and understand. He actually doesn't know the reason, but he really doesn't think it's because of himself. He sighs and takes out his phone.

....

Martin: Anyone still awake?

Oliver: Late shift?

Martin: Not really.

Annabelle: Martin, don't be upset your marks are beautiful. Mother loves you dearly.

Mike: Stop.

Martin: Thanks, Mike, and I mean I know they're a part of me and everything, but also my coworkers saw.

Oliver: Did they push? I know you're working with the new archivist.

Martin: No? Tim asked me to go hiking with him, and that's not an invitation Mike to fuck with him.

Mike: :)

Martin: Mike, I'm serious, or I'll make you share bodies with Gerry again.

Mike: :(

Oliver: To be fair, Gerry does like being out of the book like that. He won't accept my offers, I don't think he likes me.

Mike: That is not the issue.

Martin: I can house Gerry for a bit.

Annabelle: Please do he promised to come to our knitting club

Martin: Are we still good for Saturday?

Annabelle: 👍

Mike: Yeah, promised Simon I make him a hat. Don't know why he asked for eyes on it.

Oliver: Oh yes, I'm working on my crochet plush, and I've made Oliva a little sweater.

Martin: Oh! (He sends a photo of a cat sized spider in a little nest she's wearing a crochet hat, and a little crochet eye is hugged by one leg.)

Annabelle: Such a big baby. I love her.

Oliver: I'm so happy she likes the little eye.

Martin: I think she thinks it's her baby she's got a mind like a cat.

Mike: she won't let me pet her :(

Martin: You tried to toss her in the air

Mike: I was just playing.

Martin: You're lucky she didn't bite you.

Mike: I love her, though she has to know that.

Annabelle: You can tell her on Saturday.

Mike: fuck you I will.

Annabelle: (a photo of Mike curled around a broken spider web, obviously drunk, and Olivia blurred skittering away)

Oliver: :)

Martin: :)

Mike: fuck all of you I'm going to bed.

....

Martin smiles as he shuts his phone off. At least he could trust them with his secrets. They were his family more, so then his actual family was. He shudders, and he knows some his carvings are glowing as he hears a soft oof.

"Sup, Martin." A skinny goth floats above him.

"Hey, Gerry, feeling better?" Martin smiles.

"Anytime out of that book is great. Oh, right, congrats on the new job. I hope you're being unhelpful as shit." Gerry smiles, showing off his tongue piercing.

"I'm trying not to be awful, just clumsy. Besides, Gertrude is dead, and the new archivist is kind of cute. He was also a part of that band we looked up." Martin hums sitting up.

"Dude, no way the Mechanism?" Gerry floats eagerly around Martin.

"Oh yeah, but he completely shuts any of that down. He totally thinks he has to be professional like all the time. He wasn't expecting the promotion, so he's over compensating." Martin hums. "Tim and Sasha are great too, but they treat me with kid gloves in a sense since Jon yells at me. I honestly don't mind it, but I just wish I could tell the truth, but nothing freaky has happened yet, and so they will just think I'm crazy and Jon is playing super skeptic."

"Ooo sounds like an office comedy in the Magnas insistute. I bet Jonah is having a field day." Gerry smiles. "I wanted to ask if I could stick around longer this time. I want to help you out, and I have experience dealing with Jonah."

"Gerry, you don't have to do anything for me. I'm happy to keep you around as long as you like. I know the book is painful, and I don't mind sharing my body." Martin hums. "Just don't borrow it while I'm working, please."

"Oh, absolutely not. I don't want Jonah knowing I'm hitching a ride." Gerry hums. "Anyway, what I want to do is sleep. Oh, how I miss being able to turn my brain off."

"Yeah, yeah, your flimsy excuses for me to practice a normal sleep schedule are getting worse." Martin hums, stripping off his clothes to put on pajamas.

"I thought that was pretty good." Gerry chuckles, tossing back his black hair. "You know I'm so happy I dyed it before I died, and my tattoos perfect also the piercings."

"I'm not getting any piercings." Martin rolls his eyes.

"Damn, I'm 0 for 2 now. Eh, at least you're taller than I was." Gerry chuckles. "Alright, time to sleep, and I'm going to make breakfast, I'm dying for an egg sandwich."

"America ruined you." Martin snickers crawling into bed.

Gerry gasps. "Take that back."

Martin chuckles. "Good night, Gerry."

"Goodnight, Martin." Gerry smiles. "Happy to be back."

.....

"Why are we sneaking into a random basement?" Gerry floats next to Martin.

"Because it's a progression, Jon asked me to look into the statement so I am. I highly doubt I will find a ghost spider, but it shows initiative." Martin sighs as he drops down from the basement window. "I'm also channeling my inner you."

"I'm touched, Martin. Now let's get a matchbook and burn the place down." Gerry chuckles at Martin's eye roll.

Martin turns his flashlight on his phone on. "Besides, we have to find evidence so I can eventually come clean. I don't want to lie to them forever, and I don't want them to end up like Gertrude's assistants."

"Understandable, and honestly, I don't blame you. This stuff is tricky, and I know your three patrons sure as he'll don't want what the Beholder does. I just hope things don't go sideways...." Gerry stops and looks at Martin. "Are you even listening? What has your attention... over..... fuck me."

Martin's light is shining at a woman in a red dress her skin is open pours full of worms. A hacking sound is heard from her. He steps back, and he knows he stepped on the silver worms because the woman cracked her neck to stare at him. "Hey, I'm sorry about that."

"Do you hear their lovely song?" The woman steps forward as worms spill from her lips and her body directly at Martin.

Martin steps back and looks to the window and focuses on the sky, and suddenly, he's in the air flying. "Fuck!"

Gerry takes a breath for his dead lungs. "I would of said warn me before you fly up but fuck I rather this then the worms. I don't even have my body, and I can feel it in my very core. Fuck the corruption."

Martin groans as he flies through the air. "Should I even go home? I don't want Olivia to eat those things if she follows me."

"Fuck no, and I can't believe I'm saying this but go to the archive, make up a story please." Gerry shudders. "I fucking hate the corruption."

......

Tim intercepts Martin. "Dude, you look like you fell from a building. Are you ok?"

Martin gasps. "Tim, I saw Jane Prentiss. I was investigating the ghost spider, and she was there, and she was like a living hive. I need to find Jon, I I have to make a statement."

Tim grabs his arm. "Martin, breathe, please. If you're ok with that, come on." He leads Martin's to Jon's office.

Martin hopes he isn't laying it in too thick, but again, he is panicked from the worms. "J-jon I have to make a statement."

Jon looks up a frown on his lips. "What happened to your investigation?"

Tim huffs. "Dude seriously?"

"Tim, it's fine." Martin sighs. "I went to investigate, and uh, Jane Prentiss was there. Yeah, uh, she was like a living hive." Oh, he just realized the patrons are going to be pissed when this gets back to them.

Jon nods. "Ok, I believe you are you ready to make a statement?"

Martin nods.

.......

The tape clicks off, and Martin sighs. He's so grateful Jon doesn't have the compulsions yet. He would have had to explain everything with his mother and the other avatars.

"Statement ends...." Jon takes a breath and slams a book down on a lingering worm. "Martin, I uh I'm sorry."

"It's ok, I mean, it's not, but you didn't try to fill me with worms." Martin frowns. "I don't want to go home. I'm worried that if I do, she'll find me."

"I have a cot here." Jon gave a rare smile.

Martin smiled back.

......

Jon nearly crashed into Tim. It was late, and it's only been a week since Martin started to live in the archives. He could hear him talk, and he knew Tim heard him too. "I uh you're never here this late."

Tim sighs. "I was dropping off clothes for Martin he wasn't wrong his flat is surrounded by those worms. It's also cobered in cobwebs." He pauses, staring at Jon. "I won't say anything if you don't."

Jon frowned but nodded both men, leaning by the door opened by a crack listening to Martin talk.

"I don't know. I just panicked!" Martin was pacing, but they couldn't see that.

"Panic is such a strong word when dealing with the corruption. I say you acted accordingly." A male phone emitted from the phone neither Tim nor Jon recognized.

"I mean, it does suck we have to reschedule our sewing day until further notice. Actually, the craft club sounds better or avatar tea time." A soft, nervous, sounding male voice answers. "I uh actually it would be good timing they changed my schedule at the hospital and have me working more doubles because suspicious deaths. I can't exactly tell them about fears because I'll be sanctioned."

"Why do you still have a normal job, Oliver? Mother would gladly accept you." A female voice interrupts.

The nervous voice Oliver sighs. "Because I have a doctorate, and I'm not going to waste it because I'm an avatar of the End."

"Fuck off Annabelle." That was Martin's voice but something was off. "I swear you're the definition of insanity."

"Gerry!" Three voices overlap.

"Man, I don't even care if Jonah sees me. Fuck the corruption, also fuck Gertrude while I'm at it." Not Martin chuckles. "Anyway, I'm the one to convince Martin to hide away here so Olivia doesn't eat the worms."

"Oh, that's good. I wouldn't want the baby to get an upset tummy." The unidentified male voice responded fondly. "I will get her to love me."

"She won't." Annabelle chuckles.

"Right, well now, the words out the corruption well attacked, so what have the patrons said?" Not Martin gave a heavy sigh. "Martin won't tell them even though he knows they could feel it when one worm got to him."

"Mother isn't pleased.... you really shouldn't go into the tunnels." Annabelle hums softly.

"Simon isn't worried because you know Jonah and everything, but the Vast gave me a heads up to drop in. I fucking swear if The Vast makes me join the fucking archives I'm going to be pissed I fucking hate being underground." The male voice groans. "Shit I'm giving them ideas. I dunno fuck it I'll visit tomorrow. I'm sure the new archivist would love a statement.... wait is he even that far yet?"

"No." Oliver speaks up. "He's still quite human."

"Huh." The male voice pauses. "He's also still in the dark so..."

"Don't you fucking dare." That was the real Martin.

"But it could be fun." The male voice chuckles.

"Mike, I swear, I will send Gerry to you right now." Martin huffs.

"Oh fuck yeah I'm the threat." Not Martin finishes right after. "We're totally going to paint our nails."

"Almost worth it." Mike huffs. "If it happens, I'll take Gerry."

"I don't understand why you hate it so much, Gerry seems quite nice to spend time with." Oliver seems to have returned to his phone. "Sorry, but would you rather I come by? The End isn't pleased and doesn't mind rushing things with Jane... if you get what I mean."

"Of course we do Oliver, but man fuck I never thought I would ever see the End get upset." Mike whistles. "Anyway, I'll show up tomorrow , and uh, I'll return your scarf. I finally made a new tackier one. I put clouds and stars on it, a pretty fun project."

"Guess I'll have to try harder next time." Martin chuckles. "Annabelle, if you come by, you'll give Jonah a heart attack, which please don't, it's bad enough that we have Peter in our group I don't want him to force himself in." Martin sighs.

"We can watch them divorce live." Not Martin snickers. "Serious though, does anyone know if Peter is ok?"

"He's fine he doesn't know how to accept group calls." Annabelle hums. "He's gotten better at texting, but it's still awful."

"For a man stuck in his 20s, he sure does act his actual age." Oliver hums. "Do you think if I'll ask hell, bring some fish from his boat?"

"If you're willing to listen to him talk about his ship." Mike adds dryly.

"Oh, of course, we love chatting about the sea together." Olivier hums.

"That can mean so many things, and I don't want to know any of it." Not Martin mutters.

"I still haven't convinced him to our crafts yet, but he is making them." Annabelle sounds giddy. "He made Mr. Spider a lovely jumper."

"Pics or it didn't happen." Mike interrupts.

"Already sent in the chat." Annabelle chuckles softly. "Are you sure you don't want a job working with Mother?"

"Oh, he hung up." Oliver hums. "Annabelle, you shouldn't tease him. He likes spiders like Martin does."

"They are cute." Martin adds. "But I have to go, it's late and I have to make sure Jon isn't staying late. He needs more rest than he gets. He has the right to enjoy being human while he is."

A noise of agreement, then Martin hangs up his phone. And the abundance of the door opening and two falling men.

Martin gasps. "Fuck."

Tim and Jon look up at him.

Martin sighs and pinches his brow. "You're both supposed to not be here." He sighs again and shuts the door behind them. "I'll explain, but no interruptions."

The two men barely nod as Martin begins his story.

......

"So the not you speaking is a dead guy that we have statements on called Gerald Keay." Jon blinks.

"Fuck that, Elias is Jonah Magnus?" Tim interrupts.

"Uh, yes, to both er kind of." Martin hums not elaborating, scratching his chin. "I'm sorry I've been in this mess for a long time, so I'm used to these things. My mom did carve my skin as a toddler..."

"That's really fucked up." Tim frowns. "So why here? Why are you pretending here?"

Martin sighs and frowns. "Jonah has this idea of the Watchers Crown, which will be a disaster sure the fears will have a feast, but it will come to an end. It's not some renewable apocalypse it's finite, and honestly, the fears fees are better here than there, but the eye watches and never truly learns, which again is stupid. I don't fault Jonah he is going off what his patron desires, but you can't exactly confront an eldrich horror on why its desires are bad for everyone."

"Could I? I mean, you said it yourself the archivist is more than a job." Jon bites his nail in deep thought.

Martin chuckles. "Jon, you're still human barely touched at this point. You can barely get through one statement a week. You can try to force yourself, but you have to let yourself adjust. You don't even have a hunger yet. Mike will be coming by, and his statement can help since he is another Avatar, but again, you're still so early that being touched by any other power can lead you to be an avatar to them. I never have a choice, and well, you kind of don't unless you want to gouge your eyes out."

Jon shudders and Tim looks a bit sick.

"So if you want to discuss things with the Beholder, keep moving towards becoming the archivist, or you can tall to Jonah, but I don't think he'll be much help." Martin frowns. "I'll try to keep you both safe, but it's not going to be an easy task, especially here."

Tim had a conflicted look before settling on determined. "Fuck it I'm in. I don't know about you guys, but I don't want the world to end either, and I think I would like to pick one of the fears that are infected, as Martin said."

"Oh you have a options then, The Web, The End, The Vast, and The Forsaken but that one happened by accident they have basically bonded to Peter in such a complex way that they are intertwined. All have pros and cons. Mike likes to joke that Peter is Forsaken's special little man." Martin smiles.

"Can I talk to the other avatars first?" Tim hums. "But thank you for not hiding."

Jon nods. "I appreciate not being kept in the dark."

"I'm glad I can help. Anyway it is late and I need to get some food." Martin sighs.

"Monster food or actual food." Tim raised his brow.

"Actual food." Martin rolls his eyes. "And I promised Gerry to grab kebas."

"Is it weird sharing a body?" Jon vaguely motions to Martin.

"Not really. Gerry's a cool guy, and I met him when I was 18. He didn't exactly get a choice on being stuck in the book. Sharing a body gets rid of the pain of existing in that book. I'm happy to help him out." Martin smiles. "It was weird in the beginning, but it's not so bad anymore."

"Can I ask Gerry questions?" Jon leans forward.

"After dinner. He's getting a bit impatient." Marrin chuckles. "He knows I'm hungry and can be little like a mother hen for whenever he is possessing." He laughs softly. "He's like a brother to me at this point."

Tim chuckles. "That sounds about right."

......

A man with black windswept hair and a large scarf covering his neck and lower half of his face. He has a pair of aviation goggles on his face. "Hey, I'm here to make a statement to the head archivist."

Rosie blinks and can smell ozone oozing off the man and a feeling of vertigo making place in her mind. "I uh... i"

A man stepped out behind hee coming from the hall. "It's ok, Rosie. I can handle this." The man smiles and motions for the man to follow.

The man sighs. "Fuck.... fine ok." He follows behind the shorter man, by an inch.

The man sits behind his desk and smiles. "Care to explain why you're here?"

The man rolls his eyes and pulls his scarf down to reveal his scar that travels down his face to his neck, then chest and arm. "I'm not here for you, Jonah. You should already know why I'm here."

"Enlighten me." Jonah continues to smile.

"Fine. Martin got attacked by the corruption following a lead, and he asked me to come by to make a statement and introduce myself to everyone, but you already knew that and wanted me to tell you the actual truth because you can see Martin due to the web." He smirks, knocking the nail on the head.

Jonah scowls. "Will you be interfering?"

"Depends on my mood. I can always ask Simon to drop by." The man smiles wider.

"The Beholder hasn't changed, and I will do my best to complete their desire." Jonah sighs, leaning back. "But you aren't here for that. I suppose I should be happy, but I can't say that I am. Don't kill my archivist." He pulls out a vistor badge. "This should get you inside. Please don't kill any of them they are still new."

The man smiles and takes it, and adjusts his scarf. "Pleasure as always, Jonah. It also makes me so happy to know you still haven't figured out what Martin is." He chuckles as he leaves.

Jonah rubs his temples.

......

"I'm excuse me unauthorized people aren't allowed down here." A woman with coffee colored skin and long curly hair and large glass puts on a polite smile.

Mike pulls up his scarf and holds up the visitor pass. "Oh right, sorry. I just got my pass from Mr. Bouchard, I'm here to talk to Blackwood and uh the archivist."

"Oh! My apologies, my name is Sasha it's nice to meet you." Sasha smiles and hums. "Jon's in his office with Tim and Martin like a little boys club."

Mike nods. "I'm Mike, by the way. Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you, Mike." Sasha smiles and guides him to Jon's office, then knocks on the door.

Jon opens it, revealing Tim crossed his arms and Martin eating a kebab in the corner. "What is it, Sasha?"

"I have a person who is here to see you and Martin." Sasha motions to Mike.

Jon nods. "Oh uh hello come in."

Mike nods and waves to Sasha before the door shuts behind him.

......

Martin gives a warning look. "Mike."

"Martin, you told them?" Mike raised his brow and lowered his scarf.

"I didn't have a choice." Martin sighs. "Why are you here? Are you still going to give a statement?"

"Maybe." Mike sighs, sitting himself down in a chair. "Honestly, I was worried. The corruption is expanding into the buried territory, and that's a nasty fight happening. Thought you got caught into that."

Martin looks between Tim and Jon, then shakes his head. "No, it was a woman named Jane Prentiss, just a lone hive, but I don't exactly come off as an avatar unless I'm using my abilities. She would have followed me home so I just came here. Well, it was Gerry's idea, and I couldn't argue with logic."

Mike sighs. "He's right. This place sucks but it can survive an attack. Anyway, I'm here, and they probably want answers. I don't know how help -" he clutched his head, then scowls. He huffs. "I was joking!"

Tim raised his brow. "What did you do?"

Martin smiles. "Gerry wanted to say hi."

Mike leans back, and his shoulders slack as he kicks his feet up. "Dude, stop shouting. we both know that doesn't do shit. Besides, we both warned you." He rolls his eyes. "Anyway, hello again, it's Gerry, and I'm basically keeping Mike from feeding on either of you. We both know you are not hungry, and if you do it to Jon, you're playing into the Beholders' hands. Yeah, jokes can wait until the Beholder gets common sense."

Martin sighs. "Gerry, you can let Mike back out."

Mike sits up straight and huffs, crossing his arms. "Fucking goth bitch. As I was saying, the in fighting is getting annoying, and The Vast is strictly neutral until well that happened." He motions to Martin. "I'm not exactly good underground, but I'll help out. I'm trying to keep Simon out of the loop, but thankfully, he's busy with his space projects."

"Simon Fairchild?" Jon raised his brow.

Mike nods. "Yeah, he's one of the first Avatar of the Vast, well before they figured out consciousness and whatever and won't exactly let me keep aging like him. Don't really know how it's going to go. I'm still young." He frowns. "However, I am here to help so when the worms do come use, co2 kills them pretty well."

Tim hums. "Could you explain your patron? Martin went over all of them briefly, and if I'm going to have to lose my humanity to keep up with this and stop the end of the world, I would like to know my options better."

"You are not showing him an example." Both Martin and Gerry using Mike's body says at the same time.

"Fuck you guys are no fun." Mike sighs. "Think the sky the vast openness then falling or just too much space no end to it no matter how far yoy go you're still to far from anything. Don't get us mistaken for the Lonely. Even if we are similar, we are quite different." He frowns. "But you have three other options, and you don't seem like the type for the Forsaken. The End might suit you but I don't know enough about you."

Tim furrows his brows. "Alright, I don't know how I feel about following something that sustains off death."

"Oh, Oliver would hate that you said that." Mike snickers. "He would be too polite to say anything, though. Our patrons feed on fear and the emotions surrounding what they are well, the four that have mentioned do the others are strictly fear since yaknow no pretense of a thinking mind. The archivist here might be able to change that for the future of the Beholder, and before you ask, why not Jonah? Because the man is at the mercy of his patron, and is strictly being used as an eye the only reason why the Beholder hasn't tossed him aside is because he's useful and the Forsaken has an invested interest because they adore Peter and they know Peter likes Jonah. Also, I think the Beholder enjoys picking out new bodies for the man, but I'm probably projecting."

Jon frowns. "So I'm the only hope?"

"No." Mike rolls his eyes. "You're a good chance, but not the only option." He sighs. "Whatever, let me give you a statement, and I'll be out of your hair."

Martin gets up and taps Tim's shoulder. "We should give them privacy. Uh, wait, before I go, I can take Gerry back."

Mike shakes his head. "Nah, I'm fine..... please don't tell Oliver." And Martin couldn't tell if it was Mike or Gerry speaking or both.

Martin smiles softly. "You're going to have to tell him." He guides Tim out and sighs.

"So what's up with the Oliver guy?" Tim raised his brow as the door shuts.

"They both have a massive crush on the man, and neither of them are able to confess. Hence why Mike is always adamant to keep Gerry out." Martin snickers. "It's really funny Oliver is completely clueless."

Tim smirks. "Ok, tell me all the freaky tea like now."

Martin nods.

......

Eli: Jonah's busy being pissy about Peter

Martin: Welcome back

Annabelle: Jonah has not figured out your passwords yet?

Eli: Oh, absolutely not, nor has he found any of my hiding spots.

Annabelle: Mother would love to have you.

Eli: That isn't possible. Also, Jonah is terrified of you.

Annabelle: ::::)

Peter: Elias.

Eli: My sailorman! How much longer till we get you back?

Peter: Forsaken is being picky.

Eli: Ah.

Mike: Oh, let me tell him.

Eli: We've tried Mike.

Peter: The Forsaken does not want me to be with you. That is entirely the opposite of my patron. You and Jonah have these debunkabke theories, and I keep..msjeih

Annabelle: Rip

Mike: rip

Martin: Rip

Eli: Proof Peter! Everything you argue, you lose control and phase through objects. Just come home. I already put the marriage papers in our normal spot. Besides, Jonah is insufferable and refuses to admit he misses you.

Peter: A week.

Peter: Elias?

Oliver: Oh, welcome back, Peter.

Mike: Old Jonah took back control.

Peter: Can you let them both in here?

Annabelle: Before Mike answers, I believe the answer is still no.

Mike: This is Gerry, and as much fun as that would be, we've agreed that Jonah can join when the corruption is out of the archives.

Peter: I'll handle that.

Oliver: uh

Annabelle: That wasn't supposed to...

Martin: fuck

Mike: Oh fuck is he there?

Martin: Gerry isn't leaving you for the next three years.

Oliver: I think that's a sign I need to sleep.

Mike: Fuck.

Annabelle: Mother is very confused.

Martin added Tim, Sasha and Jon to the chat.

Martin: Ask them questions

Tim: Spooky Discord

Jon: Tim be polite.

Oliver: No, he isn't wrong.

Sasha: Someone explain why the archives are trapped in a dense fog

Mike: Ah we fucked up.

Oliver: No shit. Peter doesn't get sarcasm or your jokes.

Mike: I knew I was forgetting something.

Sasha: Peter, as in Peter Lukas?!

Mike: Yeah, the one in the same married to Elias.

Annabelle: Currently divorced, nearly married again.

Tim: I'm sorry what

Sasha: Someone preferably not Mike explain. I literally have no idea what's going on.

Mike: Fair

Oliver: Oh, I'll explain. It's good to be distracted when surrounded by the lonely.....

......

Voice call ends

Sasha: Ok, that makes sense.

Tim: Who's Eli?

Jon: Yes, everyone else has been accounted for.

Oliver: So funny story...

Mike: Wait, wait, WAIT.

Mike: Don't tell them - Gerry

Martin: I mean, you're probably right.

Tim: Now we have to know.

Sasha: What is Eli, Elias, or something?

Annabelle: ::::)

Jon: Please tell me you're joking.

Mike: I get why he didn't make Sasha archivist.

Oliver: Honestly, she would probably become Gertrude 2.0

Sasha: Why would that be bad?

Mike: After I died, she trapped me in a book im in constant agonyif im nit sharing a bkdy woth someone. -Gerry

Oliver: She has more blood ok her hands than I do, and I'm an avatar of the End

Martin: She did attempt to kill me, but I was a teenager.

Jon:.... I'm sorry, what?!

Martin: I mean it wouldn't be the first time.

Tim: You get how that's worse, right? Right?

Sasha: Ok, not going to be Gertrude.

Martin: I'm fine, my mom didn't kill me, and neither did she.

Jon: Martin, how many people have tried to kill you?

Oliver: I have a spreadsheet

Martin: Oh, update it Jane needs to go on there.

Oliver: I knew I was forgetting something.

Tim: Why the fuck do you have a spreadsheet?

Oliver: It's better so our patrons don't go on rampages. They tend to be quite protective of their avatars. I guess that makes us possessions.

Mike: fucked up but true

Annabelle: Mother loves us in a way that isn't human.

Martin: To be fair, it's more love than I've ever received from my own family.

Jon: Oh lord.

Eli: Oh boy, new people..... anyway, the old man is pouting because Peter messed up his archives, so I'm back, also because Jurgen Leitner is hiding in the tunnels.

Mike: Fuck me that's where that asshole has been hiding? -Gerry

Mike: I will suffer underground to watch you beat the shit out of him.

Oliver: Bring a camera

Annabelle: I'll let you keep one of my babies if you sent me video.

Mike: kk already on it.

Sasha: Who are you, Eli

Eli: Technically speaking or literally? Because both are loaded answers.

Jon: literally?

Eli: Elias Bouchard, the actual one.

Tim: what?

Sasha: wtf

Jon: bullshit

Eli: To be fair, Jonah has been in control the majority of the time. I'm a passenger in my body during work hours for the most part. Anyway, Martin, can I get a picture of Oliva? I wanna make her out background to piss off Jonah.

Martin : (a picture of a cat sized spider in a green eye jumper seemingly sleeping in a giat web nest)

Eli: Perfect cheers, and I'm out.

Jon: first what the fuck is that Martin, and second what?

Sasha: That looks oddly cute, Martin.

Tim: So Jonah Magnus and Elias Bouchard share a body?

Oliver: Basically, hit the nail on the head.

Oliver: However, just because the Beholder did this for the first time, we still aren't certain that the Beholder is sentient enough to understand that the Watchers Crown is an awful idea.

Annabelle: Normally, the people Jonah possesses are already dead.

Oliver: Fun fact the End doesn't hate this it thinks it's really amusing to watch. The original body of Jonah Magnus lived till 100, which is quite impressive considering the time period.

Martin: To add, Jonah doesn't actually get to choose his new body. The Beholder dies, and it seems the Beholder has a specific type picked out.

Mike: assigned twink at swap.

Mike: fuck I was going to say that - Gerry

Tim: that's hilarious in a fucked up way

Sasha: is Elias ok?

Martin: As far as I know, he's happily married and actually enjoys Jonah's company

Annabelle: it's a polygamous relationship and Jonah is the only reason Elias ever figured out his sexuality.

Jon: huh I don't know what to do with that information.

Tim: that's one way to accomplish that.

Sasha: good for them.

......

[karuvapatta]

I’m only halfway through season 2 but is it going to stop me from writing self-indulgent Jon/Elias fanfiction? No. No it isn’t.

(Okay, the Jon/Elias is only implied, but whatcha gonna do. And it’s a pre-series 1 office christmas party, because the idea of the Magnus Institute throwing an office party is simply delightful)

(also on ao3)

As soon as he sinks behind his desk, Jon breathes a sigh of relief. It hasn’t been his desk for long of course, and it’s a bit presumptuous to already feel like he belongs here; but the Archives are blessedly quiet and calm, away from the noise and too-bright lights. The pressure behind his eyes lessens somewhat. He will have to go back to the party eventually; he is not foolish enough to believe that his absence can go unnoticed for long. Networking is, after all, as important in academia as it is anywhere else. Unfortunately. But he just needs a few moments to collect himself.

And, since he’s already here, he might as well get some work done.

A sharp knock on the door snaps him back to reality. It has been—no, it couldn’t have been that long. He looks down at the cluster of papers before him, and the half-empty glass of wine he had snatched from the party before heading downstairs. The ancient cassette recorder is right there, humming, waiting. He doesn’t remember turning it on.

Another knock. Jon flinches.

“Come in!” he calls out.

It’s—fuck. It’s Elias. Looking distinctly out of place in his crisp, perfectly tailored three-piece suit, next to the overflowing shelves, dusty boxes and the overall clutter.

“Jon,” Elias says. His tone is mild, but the disapproval no less obvious for it. “You do realize what “mandatory” means, do you?”

“Yes, of course—”

“And that “hiding in the corner for five minutes before running away” isn’t the same as “attending a party”?”

“It was more than five minutes,” Jon says, stupidly, and then sighs. “I—I apologize. I have a bit of a headache.”

“Ah,” Elias says. “Could it be because you’re working too much, do you think?”

Jon looks down at his desk, the half-finished statement, and the tape recorder. Belatedly, he presses a button and turns it off. The sudden absence of its sound is strange and wrong, somehow.

“Uh. I’m.”

It’s the stress. It must be. He is – not entirely unqualified for the job, but most certainly inexperienced. And everyone can see it. His own assistants can see it. Even Martin can see it.

There’s a sudden pressure on his shoulder. He freezes, breath catching in his chest, his heartbeat drumming loud—but the weight is still there. Not dragging him down, exactly, but grounding him in place. Warm. Almost—pleasant.

He looks up. Elias is much closer than he was before, staring down at Jon with an inscrutable expression on his face. His hand stays where it is, fingers curled ever so slightly inwards, pressing into the muscles of Jon’s shoulder through the cheap jacket and even cheaper shirt.

“Are you alright?” Elias asks.

He is way too close, half-sitting on Jon’s desk. Jon cannot really move without dislodging his arm, and with every shallow breath, he gets a lungful of Elias’s expensive cologne. It’s all a bit—well.

“Yes,” Jon says. “Perfectly fine.”

It’s disconcerting, is what it is, to be a subject of this level of scrutiny. He can’t remember if Elias used to watch him just as closely during the job interview and the scarce few conversations they have shared since. Or maybe it’s just his own mind playing tricks on him, and he really has been working too much, or drunk too much, and now he’s seeing what isn’t really there.

Which doesn’t bode well for his career at the Institute, at any rate.

“The new position is—something of an adjustment,” Jon says, and then hurries to add: “I’m grateful, of course, for the opportunity, but. It’s a bit daunting nonetheless.” Oh no, now Elias may think he is terrified and incapable and lacking—“I think I just need a while to adjust. But I can handle it. I’m sure of that.”

Elias, bless him, doesn’t point out the obvious lie. He just continues to watch.

“Admittedly, social gatherings aren’t my forte,” Jon says – wondering, belatedly, if discussing his shortcomings with his boss is the smartest possible move. But Elias knew that about him, didn’t he? He must have. Jon was never very good at hiding his anti-social tendencies. Honestly, he seldom ever tries.

Elias smiles. “Yes, that much is apparent,” he says. “I would still appreciate it if you came back upstairs.”

“Of course,” Jon says. “I was—I was just about to go.”

Another lie that Elias either misses, or chooses to ignore. His hold on Jon’s shoulder loosens, and Jon takes in a deeper breath – only for it to catch in his throat, in a startled gasp, when he feels a brush of fingers against his cheek, his forehead, pushing away a stray strand of hair that’s fallen onto his glasses.

Is this normal? His mind races, trying to come up with a possible explanation, possible excuse. It’s slightly inappropriate, maybe, the featherlight brush of skin, Elias’s watchful gaze, the way he sits there, perfectly composed, in between Jon and the way out. He should perhaps be worried, except—there really is nothing to be worried about. What is he going to do, file a complaint with HR? Tell them—what? That Elias was doing—what?

He isn’t even touching Jon anymore. Jon drops his gaze, inconveniently caught at the hollow of the man’s throat, just above the crisp collar of his shirt. He tries to think, but is coming up short. And—damn it all, he just wants to see what Elias does next. Maybe it will shine some light on his motivations. Maybe Jon is just too curious for his own good, and should have said or done something by now. Except it’s unfamiliar, it’s all achingly strange and unfamiliar, and Elias seems to always know what he’s doing, and Jon will admit that there’s a certain appeal to that.

So he looks up, and waits. For a touch, or cold dismissal, for a question or a statement or for Elias to leave without another word – he just—he wants to know what Elias does next. He doesn’t know, and he thinks he’d quite like to find out…

“Um, Jon? Are you—whoa!”

Martin stumbles into the room. Because of course he does, nearly falling on his face as he does so.

“Jesus, Martin!” Jon says, irritably. “Can’t you knock?”

“Sorry,” Martin says. He straightens, somewhat sheepish, and adjusts his glasses. “I, um. I didn’t mean to interrupt?”

It’s a perfectly innocent statement. Probably. There’s absolutely no reason for Jon to flush, or push himself back in his chair, putting more distance between himself and Elias. Not that—not that he needs to do that, of course. They were just talking.

Elias raises to his feet, perfectly smooth and unruffled, and smiles politely at them both.

“That’s all right, Martin,” he says. He’s not looking at Jon anymore, which is a good thing. It is. Jon can breathe a little easier without the weight of his gaze. “I came down here to fetch our wayward Archivist. Has something happened upstairs?”

“No! No. The party is—it’s a great party,” Martin stammers out. “I just—Jon disappeared, and I wanted to find him. Make sure he’s okay, I mean.”

“I’m fine, Martin,” Jon says, through gritted teeth. His nice, quiet office is getting way too crowded, and it’s stupidly hard to think when he can still smell Elias’s cologne. “You can go back now.”

“Right,” Martin says. He makes no move to leave – his eyes are still darting between Jon and Elias, as if he had caught them doing something untoward. Which he hasn’t. And that makes this behaviour even more ridiculous.

“We all should,” Elias says. “After you, Jon.”

He rests his hand on Jon’s shoulder; it takes conscious effort to suppress a full-body shiver at the simple, casual touch. It means nothing, and what does it say about Jon that even this is enough to throw him off-kilter?

“Right,” he says. The rasp of his voice sounds strange to his own ears; his mouth has gone dry all of a sudden, and he picks up his glass and drinks the rest of the wine before he can think any better of it. Before he remembers that both Martin and Elias are staring at him now, Martin with his usual flustered expression, Elias with wry amusement. “Let’s go, then.”

Elias engages Martin in polite small talk on their way back, but Jon can’t bring himself to participate. He still can’t really make sense of what happened, if he should be scared or upset, or if he’s reading too much into a perfectly ordinary conversation between a boss and his employee. During a mandatory office not-Christmas party. With everyone already slightly tipsy, and louder, and more tactile than usual. Which would explain Elias’s earlier behaviour.

Besides – and Jon smiles grimly at his own thoughts – even if he went to HR, it’s not like anyone would believe him, right? Elias is. Well. Well-dressed, sociable, polite, and rather annoyingly attractive. Jon is none of these things. Even if Elias were to compromise his own well-earned position by fraternizing with an employee, Jon would be the last one on that list. Hell, even Martin might be a more likely candidate – stammering and forgetfulness aside, he does have a nice, warm smile, pretty blue eyes and a rather fetching scattering of freckles across his cheeks—

“Jon!” Sasha and Tim grab him by the arms as soon as he enters the crowded conference room.

“Hey—” he yelps, as they drag him away, towards the buffet. “What are you doing?”

“Keeping an eye on you,” Sasha says, and flicks his nose with her fingers, as if he were a misbehaving child, and not her boss. He is tempted to yell at her, but her expression softens, the playful tone of her voice giving way to genuine concern. “We were worried about you.”

“Mostly Martin,” Tim says, with a wide smile and a suggestive wink in Sasha’s direction. Jon isn’t even going to try and understand that gesture.

It is still too loud and too crowded. And Elias disappears, of course, whisked away by the Head of Research. Jon would love nothing more than to listen in – it’s always a pleasure to listen to Elias, whose knowledge of the paranormal is unparalleled – but it seems to be a boring discussion about funding. And also it’d be a bit pathetic and, well, creepy.

“Still with us, Jon?” Sasha asks.

“Yes,” Jon says. “Yes, I am.”

It is loud, and crowded, and he can’t help but think of his cold, empty flat… and, yeah. Maybe it’s not so bad here, with Sasha and Tim and even Martin. Maybe he can have another drink, and a casual chat with his assistants, and pretend, for one evening at least, that he is exactly where he needs to be.

[cryptid-crawly]

magnus archives au where instead of peter lukas in s4 its simon fairchild. also au where one of the srvhives crew takes the place of helen richardsonand becomes the distortian at the same time in canon. (apologies if i misunderstood the way this works lol) :)

Okay first, let’s do Peter swaps with Simon:

Simon lost a bet with Elias and that’s why he has to take over the institute. He does *not* want to. This stuff is super boring.

Which is why, when he makes Martin his assistant, Martin basically gets full control of the institute as the new boss. Everyone gets raises and better life insurance that includes clauses for if you’ve been eaten by the sky, etc.

Simon doesn’t give two fucks about a new fear so he kinda just slaps the files down on Martin’s desk and is done with it. Since Martin isn’t being pushed into the lonely, he shares this info with Jon, who awkwardly suggests they should review it over at this nice cafe he found. (Supernatural coffee date!)

Simon still causes problems ofc but he’s not interested in whatever stupid agenda Elias has. He buys a new building for the institute that’s a skyscraper and forces everyone to work on the top floor. It has one of those pools that’s got a clear glass bottom that extends past the building. Also mandatory team building exercises that are skydiving.

Elias is going mad trying to manipulate Peter into doing something that will force Jon to confront him. Peter is away at sea and definitely ignoring Elias’s calls.

Bonus: turns out the skyscraper thing is convenient because when other entities/avatars attack Helen likes making doors that lead to the outside. Of the 70th floor.

Someone else becomes The Distortion:

Michael took Helen still, but Tim was being sus about Jon and started looking into the whole “Michael” thing. This ended with him being eaten by a yellow door sometime late Season 2.

Tim hasn’t come into work for a few weeks. Jon thinks maybe he quit or maybe he’s plotting to murder them all. Martin is worried until he goes into the tunnels to try and help Jon run away from the Not-Them, is eaten by a door, and finds Tim again! Yay Tim’s alive!

Meanwhile Elias is acting like he knows what’s going on but in fact he is very confused. Where is Tim? How has he been avoiding work without getting sick? Did he manage to quit? Was he eaten by a clown doll? He would’ve pieced it together after Martin sobs saying he found Tim in the hallways but they didn’t escape together except Jon convinced Martin to keep quiet. He has his suspicions. Also Elias doesn’t care that much.

Tim becomes the Distortion because he’s so mad that *someone else* gets to kill Jon. Really it’s just exchanging one homicidal persona for another, but Tim isn’t planning on killing Jon immediately so it works out.

Tim returns to work at the archives. No one mentions his time away. Elias is really confused but whenever he asks Tim just gaslights him and is all “what time away? Are you sure you’re okay boss?”

Bonus: Elias finally figures it out when Tim returns with Martin after the whole circus fiasco. Tim: hello boss Elias: aren’t you supposed to be dead

[dateamonster]

hello tumblr user dateamonster!! do you have any recommendations for good zombie media? my gf rlly likes zombies but has burned through a lot of the good stuff to be easily found. movies shows anime games etc, anything goes. ty!

oof good question but one im not sure im totally qualified to answer since most of the zombie media i consume is on the campier, sillier side.

i do have some somewhat more Serious zombos i enjoy tho!

the girl with all the gifts is one of my alltime favs (and ive heard the book is good too tho i havent read it) it hits a lot of the beats zombie fans will probably already be familiar with but the main character being a sort of half-zombie (makes more sense in context trust me) as well as a child born into this apocalyptic setting creates a totally new perspective and to me is one of the strongest most thoughtful pieces of work to come out of this sorta subgenre in a long time

the resident evil game series is probably a given. on the off chance she hasnt played it or watched a playthrough, that shits mandatory.

z-nation i think kinda tippytoes the line between stuff fans of, for example, the walking dead will recognize and enjoy in terms of ya know a story focusing more on the interpersonal drama of a group of survivors living through an ongoing apocalypse, and the sillier doesnt-take-itself-too-seriously stuff i personally enjoy, like the ongoing bit where theres just a big ball of entangled zombies rolling across the scenery. its the delicious junk food of tv zombies (though granted ive only watched i think the first few seasons when it was playing nonstop on syfy)

and if you want to join me in enjoying only thee most quality campy schlock..

zombieland saga! literally one of my favorite anime ever! i consider it in this sort of less serious category because the concept of undead idol girls is obviously pretty ridiculous on paper and not gonna be everyones thing, but if the premise even remotely intrigues you, please give it a shot. the story is fun, the characters are loveable and surprisingly complex beneath the typical moe girl archtype exteriors, the humor is on point but doesnt undermine the actually pretty effective emotional moments, and the music fucks! we stan!

z-o-m-b-i-e-s is like c-tier early 2000s dcom realness with a 2018 budget, better choreography, worse songs, questionable moral messaging, all reeking with a dangerous level of green hair dye and party city greasepaint fumes. ive watched it like four times. i cant totally explain it but its got like nostalgic high school musical vibes except more paranormal and much much sillier. dares to ask the question: can cheerleading end all prejudice and bring about world peace? (the answer is yes but theyll be repeating that question for three movies)

zombie prom. very similar to the above in general vibe except the music is honestly kind of good? theres a stage play and a movie which is more or less just a slightly shortened version. in a lot of ways it honestly feels like the fully realized version of z-o-m-b-i-e-s. if you watch the movie ru paul is there, whether thats an incentive or disincentive.

and to wrap it up another game you probably already know about, lollipop chainsaw. yes its problematic but i am honoring my past teenage self who averted their gaze when they walked by it on the shelves in gamestop by saying tara strong sexy cheerleader zombie slayer game is fun and good.

anyway all this to say my taste is very questionable when it comes to this subgenre but i hope u get something out of it. a lot of zombie stories kinda flop for me because the horror element gets watered down into this more actiony survive the zombo apocalypse type thing but the concept of zombies is definitely something that interests me despite this and there are definitely some good pieces of zombie media out there.

oh! and i havent read it yet, but ive heard really promising things about the book manhunt by gretchen felker-martin. not explicitly a zombie story i dont think but draws from the same place for sure. would be worth checking out i think.

[lovearne]

Chime of the clock - Smile Score

All of my fics and my whole page is 18+ only, if you are a child leave. I deserve a safe space to express myself, all blogs under 18 or no age will be blocked. Let me enjoy my experience safely on the internet, thank you.

Word count: 724

Warnings: sleepy Jake, cuddles, fluff

You and Jake had slowly started becoming friends over this mandatory shelter in place, at first you had just went to his house cause he was the closets to your age, and he was funny as fuck when you had met him so you didn't mind.

Jake had constantly tried to hit on you when you had stayed the night at his house. He had promised that he didn't mean any harm by it, and that he's just trying to make you feel like part of the house although you didn't have an issue settling in as Jake was very kind and friendly.

The man would do this cute little smile all the time, even when he was sleeping, it was adorable and hilarious. So when scrolling through tiktok, you see the smile score filter, you knew what you had to do.

"Heya guys, chippy here, sorry it's so quiet but we are gonna test Jake's resting face, he's asleep." You turn the camera onto him, showing his face, scoring in at a solid 45%. You try and muffle your laugh bit that only makes it louder and wakes the sleeping man. "Oh shit I woke up sonic, I GOTTA RUN FOR IT!" You launch off the bed and dart out if the room, Jake following with a very confused face, the smile score now showing a 20% you laugh even more.

"What are you doing chippy?" His voice was thick from sleep and his eyes were bleary. You smile at him, now out of the camera shot with it pointed at him. 

"I chugged 4 red bulls and I seen this really funny filter and had to try it on you. (Don't drink more than one red bull in a sitting, children)" you cautioned the undoubtable amount of people that will watch famous Nascar racer Jake Martin. At the mention of 4 chugged red bulls, and seeing the cans, his eyes going wide and his face pulling in disbelief, and freight. "No," he says in exasperation and concern.

"Bro what the fuck, you drank those?!" The video cuts out just as Jake's face turns to disgust.

"They are tasty, red bull are good Jake!!" 

Jake had gone back to bed after the little scene earlier, but you don't think he truly went to sleep, especially given the sounds coming from his room. He was clearly watching tiktoks instead, and there wasn't anything wrong with that, but normally when you were both awake and watching tiktoks you cuddled. Trying not to be pouty you walk to his door and knock a little.

When Jake gave the go ahead, you open the door to see him on his bed with his camera pointing at you. 

"Aww no, chippy, you're at 0%, you aren't happy, baby?" You shake your head in protest. "Babe, the filter doesn't lie, come here." He pats his chest and you go and lie on his chest, your bare cheek making contact with his bare skin.

"I just like cuddling you." You closed your eyes to feel really content in the moment. Feeling Jake move his arms around you. 

On the screen it flashed at 50% when he adjusted it to see your closed eyed smile, one he didn't know you'd had when you cuddled. He smiles to himself at the camera and that is where the video ended. He posted it and then went to rubbing your back, helping you to get the knots out if your back muscles, and further relaxing you. 

After about 5 minutes of massaging your back, he started hearing your snores so he went back to watching tiktoks, scrolling through various fan videos speculating who chippy was, as nobody had seen you and Jake together before. Some said chippy was a sibling, some said they were his partner and some say they are just good friends. He also scrolled past a few fan edits of him hopping out of his car at the end of a race for interviews. He smiles again, he missed racing a lot more than he thought he would and he can't wait to get back to it. 

Leaving a nice comment on the fans edit before seeing the video through, he closes the app, laying his phone to the side. He holds you in his arms tighter, nodding off with you.

Freddie Stroma taglist:

@nptnewr @likedovesinthewnd @aprilfire18

Divider credit:

@delishlydelightfuldividers

[racingliners]

F1 2022 Re-watch: Round 3 - Australia 

So yeah re some previous rambly posts, I subbed to F1 TV because I was kind of tuned out for the bulk of the 2022 season and bc it ended up being Seb’s last season in F1, I wanted to re-watch all of them in full. bc Seb caught covid (😭) I’m starting from Australia!

Since I’m mainly doing this for the laughs I have no idea what I’m doing avwvguhrgug I’ll probably put a lap number before any sarcastic comment for context.

Anyway, onwards! (under a read more bc this will get chatty)

Starting with the F1 intro. noice. (quietly bops)

As I am a religious Channel 4 viewer I just got major whiplash from Will Buxton doing commentary esblhrlbi.

I actually really like Albert Park, it’s not a bad track, dare I say it quite underrated.

Seb in 17th, the AMR22 really was a tractor 😭

Jolyon Palmer?!?!? I forgot he worked for F1 these days.

I’m also really not used to Aus not being the tradional season opener. Does not pass the vibe check.

[Start/Lap 1]: A clean turn 1???? sounds very fake.

A clean first sector???? sounds very fake

My god I can’t believe the grid all had their braincells on the first lap. Astounding.

[Lap 2]: nvm Sainz spun into the gravel. (I very vaguely remember this from C4 Highlights)

Unrelated, Zhou’s helmet design is really pretty.

[Lap 3]: Aston Martin Safety Car!! My beloved!! (The soft spot I now have for them after Seb’s two seasons with AM asdfghjkl)

[Lap 5]: Oh, pitting Lance to run the mandatory compound for 1 lap, then pitting again for hards. That’s clever. (Bernie Collins and Seb shared AM’s braincell lets be real).

I’ve also very suddenly realised that while I’m re-watching all of Seb’s races from 2022 bc it was his last season, there is no guarantee I will see much of Seb. I did not think this through.

I have once again slipped back into the routine of constantly checking for Seb’s name on the leaderboard. (pls don’t ask me how I’m going to cope this year bc I probably won’t)

I’m also humming the jaws theme everytime one car gets close to another.

Still not used to Will Buxton commentary eagheguh Palmer & Sam Collins are great though!!

[Lap 11]: Not Seb going through the gravel and dropping to plum last 😭

[Lap 12]: The McLarens following the Mercs. Merc on Merc powertrain violence

[Lap 13]: “Lots of unforced driver error” It’s because we had such a clean first lap that the racing gods demanded clownery as payment.

Unrelated but I said this to a mate the other day, but I miss glossy car liveries!! The matte ones are fine but shiny liveries just hit different. (Merc please go chrome for 2023 it would be v sexy)

[Lap 16]: Anyway Seb in P16 woo

Kevin mowing the lawn at turns 9 and 10

[Lap 18] Ah Leclerc leading Verstappen by almost 9 seconds. Remember when we had hope for the title fight? (Man watching the season long Ferrari clown show back is going to be fun, and by fun I mean devastating).

Speaking of car liveries, please have less black on the car this year McLaren. It just makes the car look unfinished. The accents of blue are so pretty though.

(I love how this is the most important thing on my mind rn eaugheuigh)

[Lap 22]: Seb thinking about an overtake!!! And the camera cut away!! why???

[Lap 24]: Seb DNF noooooo 😭😭😭😭

(I really should have looked up race results before starting this huh)

Well, zero joy sparked. But I have paid for F1 TV so we carry on through gritted teeth.

The AMR22 was a tractor, but damn it she was a beautiful tractor.

[Lap 25] “Keep getting unlucky with safety cars” Me 🤝 Lewis: Permanently traumatised by the 2021 Abu Dhabi Grand Prix

“The only time we will see an Aston Martin leading the race this weekend” Will Buxton I will fight you

[Lap 26]: THE FUCK Yuki, Mick do not frighten me like that.

I still keep checking for Seb on the leaderboard even though he’s out. Pain.

Back on livery watch: The blue and pink Alpine my beloved.

[Lap 30] oh we have passed half-distance. yay.

Lewis getting past Nando: ‘Cause I seee sparks flyyyyy’

[Lap 33] Bold of anyone to call Magnussen “Alonso’s rear gunner”

[Lap 35] Cuts to Leclerc in case we forgot about him

[Lap 36] “Is that Ferrari very slow or...?” “No that’s just how it looks” And yet Apollo gave them the gift of prophecy re the second half of the season 😭

Another livery watch update: Alpha Romeo v pretty.

[Lap 39]: Oop Verstappen DNF

Back to livery watch: Red Bull I’m begging you to go back to having a dark metallic blue instead of the matte navy. Keep the bright red tho.

The “Leclerc you’re my red flag”  sign. Bestie that does not mean what you think it means.

[Lap 41]: The midfield once again saving the entertainment value of the race. I fully support Fernando’s rights to go a little bit feral.

Albert Park when the sun starts to go down >>>>>

(Yes a circuit’s aesthetic/surroundings completely plays into whether or not I like it. shh)

[Lap 45]: ...did AM tell Lance that he got a penalty or?????

[Lap 46]: How did I not notice Albon in P7??? pet power! (he still had to stop but whatevs)

[Lap 48] Albon on 46 lap old tyres 😳

I have now learned I’m watching the F1 TV feed and not the global feed (which I’m assuming is Sky F1???) so I’ll need to actually pay attention to what I’m clicking on for the next race 😅

[Lap 49]: It’s taken almost the whole race for Nando to start bitching on the radio iaefbhsebh. At least it feels like a race now (said with the upmost affection for my favourite menace to society)

[Lap 51]: There you go Nando, Pierre got past Lance

also is Alex going to pit at some point???

“I think don’t hit the one [car] painted the same as yours” F1 TV make Sam the lead commentator pls.

“The McLaren is a quick car” words I thought I would never hear

[Lap 54]: Charles 🤝 RBR Seb: Can I go for the fastest lap 👀

I also think it’s bs that you have to finish in the top 10 to get a point for the fastest lap. If you get the fastest lap, you should get the point. Don’t disrespect the non-points finishers like that @FIA 

[Lap 56]: Three laps left and Albon still hasn’t pitted

Williams did you forget about your driver????

Shit I’m emotionally invested in Albon now

Oh man if his tyre fails I will not take it well

[Lap 57]: Don’t cut to Leclerc!!! I need to know if Albon has pitted yet!!!

There he is!!!

[Lap 58] “Are you still awake” Perez @ Williams pit wall

Oh thank fudge Albon pitted

[Lap 58/end] Charles & Ferrari taking a dominant win. doesn’t feel real tbh.

Albon got P10!!!! hell yeah!!!

Charles really did learn from Seb by going for fastest lap despite being told not to vvuuehrfgusrhguh

Rocky name drop!!! Yes I’m still fond of him shhh 

Okay so that race was a bit of a slow burn, ty to the midfield for bringing the bulk of the entertainment. Overall 6 and a half front wings out of 10.

[brrambleberry]

Ghost has to attend mandatory therapy, and the receptionist is about as happy to be there as he is.

*In Ghost's opinion, this is an utter waste of time. Of all the horrors and monstrous things he had done in his enlistment, one disobedience was all it took for the higher ups to send him to talk about his feelings. As if they hadn't demanded that he terminate and bury them for nearly 20 years. The other option was prison, and they knew better than to stick him in a cement casket with abusers and scum. So the next best option was to shove him through double doors he had to turn slightly sideways to enter, and into a shitty little waiting room. He walks through the parallel rows of skeletal folding chairs and right up to the tall desk. He's not quite sure who he was expecting to greet him, but it sure wasn't her.*

*A young woman sits on a swivel chair. Her black hair is teased up into a 60's updo, bordering on a mess but it looks good on her. Long sharp nails, like gleaming red apples. A cheeky diamond is inlaid where a beauty mark might sit on her upper lip, and eyes with lashes like a fan neglect him for her computer screen. A name tag reads 'Nettie'.*

Ghost *is quiet, that partly how he got his bloody name, but he knows that she knows he is there. Women generally do, they have a sixth sense for when someone of his size and nature are prowling in the shadows nearby. He's not quite sure what to do in a situation where he needs to draw attention to his own presence.*

Ghost *clears his throat*

Nettie "Yeah I see you there mate, kinda fuckin' hard to miss. Just gimme a sec, I need to flick off this email..."

Ghost *says nothing. His jaw twitches and he shifts himself to keep the exit within sight. This was ridiculous, he couldn't remember the last time he experienced something as civilian as waiting for a pesty receptionist.*

Nettie *pops a bubble with the gum she's been idly chewing. Half-heartedly pushes herself away from the desk, and unfolds her legs to stand.* "Right, why are you here then?"

Ghost *knows that she's expecting details for the appointment, but today has been a drag. The only thing that could make it better was to make it another person's problem.* "I killed someone."

Nettie "This is a service for veterans love, you're not going to win any bingos here with that. Who are you here to see?"

Ghost *shrugs and hands her the referral, a strong desire to get this over with as soon as possible.*

Nettie *clips it from his hands quickly. Popping another bubble, she raises an immaculately groomed and arched brow.* "Dr Martin eh? You must have been a very naughty boy."

Ghost *had been idly watching her mouth as it worked the gum. It was driving him a bit mad, something about it was goading. Odd woman to pick for reception, someone as cheeky and infernal as her. His glare snaps back to her eyes at her last sentence. He narrowed them, who the fuck did she think she was talking too?*

Nettie *had already moved on. She moved back to the computer and tapped away. The printer in the corner whirled awake, and she returned with warm, crisp forms printed on the stark white paper clamped to a clipboard.* "Right, I need you to fill these out, shouldn't take more then two or five minutes. I'll find you pen, well, hopefully anyway. You lot always take 'em with you, and now it's a pain in the arse to find one that isn't drier than my nan's crack. Anyway, you can use this one. Please give it back once you're done love, cuz that's my favourite. If you don't, swear on my bleedin' Louboutin's I will hunt you down and pester you till I get it back."

Ghost *takes the clipboard shoved in his direction, remaining silent and quickly scratching through boxes with ticks and answers with monosyllables. This woman is fucking loony. He slides it onto the desk surface, and speaks up for the first time.* "Here, your preferred pen, safe and sound. No need to ransom the rest of my sanity for it."

Nettie *plucks her pen back up and twirls it with a sweet grin.* "Some girls' just wanna watch the world burn, Skelly." *She ends with a playful theatrical wink. It pulls an amused huff from his chest. A corny batman reference is more reassuring than anything he would have expected in this linoleum purgatory.*

[gayshrug]

-

[ebonyslasher]

Hey!! Could I please request a headcanon for the slashers going to a family cookout with their s/o.

(Girl I know Jesse is going to be tearing that jerk chicken up)

Absolutely. Also girl yes tf he would. Matter of fact, we’ll start with him

Slashers going to a family cookout with their s/o:

Jesse always rolls with style, so it was standard to pull up in a Black 2020 Aston Martin Vanquish. Stuntin’ on everybody.

Your dad and uncles are posing and taking pictures by it lmaoooo; he doesn’t mind.

Also coming extra late lol. Shit started at 2 pm and you two came at 5 pm. Black people operate on cp time so there was plenty of food left.

Goes to pile up his plate with jerk chicken, ribs, yams, cabbage, etc. He wants to eat everything.

The fam knows about his.....”accident”, so they don’t give him a hard time about eating in a separate room.

Also they lowkey scared of him sooooooo....

Jesse ventures into one room where there’s a random baby sleeping.

Like who’s child is this????🤔🤔

He just goes into another one, which is thankfully empty. He was hungry as hell. And was excited to sip on that henny too.

Tears that jerk chicken up! 1 minute and that shit was gone lol it was good as hell. Loud as fuck smacking on that shit too.

Ends up spending the night cause y’all both drunk and full by the end of the night. Real slizzardddd🥴

Bo Sinclair

Bo hasn’t been to a cookout inna minute! Mostly cause everybody is made of wax except his brothers.

He’s another one who knows how to tear some shit up. Niggas named Bo don’t play about they food.

Honestly vibes well with your folks. He’s pretty respectful to everybody. He doesn’t feel out of place with them.

Y’all be roasting each other at home so he knows how to hold his own when your cousins try him lol.

Acts sweet with you grandma, mostly cause he wants her to slide him an extra piece of red velvet cake. 🙄Deceitful ass nigga lol.

Oh he’s playing cards with the main crew. Bo is good at it too, has a perfect poker face.

“BAM! Y’all ain’t got nothin’ on me!”

“Awww nigga shut up, you ain’t win. Musta cheated yo ass off!”

“Hellll Naw, I just got skills unlike you.”

When I say he goes to town on the food, he goes in. His eating style is literally chomping down on shit. We aren’t in a food competition sir.

Been to a million and 1 cookouts back in the day.

But, since the hood is scared of him, he hasn’t gone to one for a very long time.

Fortunately, being with you has calmed people down (somewhat), so he gets to go to your folks’ get together. They side eye the hell outta him when he gets there though.

He’s the one who always dancing and sayin “Whatchu know about this song youngin’?!”

Um everything, old ass man. We been hearing the same shit since we was kids. Don’t play😂😂😂😂

He jokes around with everybody. You can hear that ugly uncle ass laugh miles away. Like ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww lol. That’s your baby though.

He doesn’t go heavy on the food like you would expect. Why? 'Cause he made himself some to go plates and hid them while no body was looking.  

He’s a natural at cookouts lol that shit is engrained into his DNA.

He really don’t like being around a bunch of people😐

But, there’s food involved so he can tolerate it.

Ya moms, aunts, and cousins think he’s cute. 

“Where you get him from? Ooooo I like him.” 

“Umm he’s not for YOU. That’s my nigga, back off.”

If they try to come up and flirt with him he’s like nah bih. Get tf out tha way.

He’s there on a mission, for the food and food only.

He’s staring at the dessert table, ready to attack it and devour all of them. You lead him away before his attempt.

Sees the random baby sleeping on the bed when he does his mandatory snoop around the house. He wishes he could do that.

All the kids want to hang off his arms since he’s so tall. You have to save him from them cause his face said this ain’t it and never will be.

He gets one of every dish. Except anything that looks too green cause fuck veggies.

He has a food baby by the end of it. He’s so satisfied that he’s moving even slower than usual.

Your aunts all slide him an extra piece of their pie(s) that they saved for their favorites. Gladly takes them all. 

[deviliciousdev]

MBTI✨Teaching The Commander the Art of Doing Nothing.

entj (the commander)

x

intp (the logician)

couple

--------------------------------

[in entj x intp's apartment]

entj: [coming into living room from office, putting hands on hips] so, i've been to the gym, paid all the bills, reorganized the kitchen, cleaned above the cabinets, fixed your sock drawer, and finished the book on indoor plant care... and watered all the plants and repotted three. *sighs* and it's only two in the afternoon on monday... what the hell am i suppose to do for the next six days... ugh i hate "corporate mandatory sabbatical" okkkk just because i've gone two years without using my vacation days and may have yelled at colleague for eating my salad. all of a sudden, i need "time off to relax" pfftt. 🙄

intp: [laying on couch with a bag of doritos on their chest and their boston terrier asleep on their legs🐶] woah, woah, woah. entj. you really need to learn the art of doing nothing. and your first lesson is that all that crap you did today, i mean that's like A WEEK'S worth of stuff, ya gotta spread it out.

entj: the... art... of doing nothing... seriously...

intp: hey, hey, you think this level of stagnation is EASY oh no, this is an art ok. and it will take years of training with a master to truely reach this state. 😌

entj: 😐🙂 [trying not to laugh]

intp: luckily for you, kid, you have a master of straight up chillin, right at your fingertips 😏

entj: oh my god... idk, stagnation is not really my thing.

intp: [leans up slightly, intensely stares into entj's eyes] come to the dark side... we have doritos... and... oreos...

entj: 😄 i can't believe i'm going to say this, but fine. intp, teach me how to do nothing.

intp: [evil voice] exxxxccccellent 😈 now for your first task as my new apprentice, you must retrieve the oreos from the pantry. also the goldfish... and the m&ms... and two juices, dealers choice. actually can i have a lemonade plz, and get whatever juice you want.

entj: 😑

[after entj retrieve's snackages and joins intp on the couch]

intp: [grabbing their lemonade from entj] what juice did you get??

entj: aged grape juice.

intp: aged grap- [sees entj is hold a unopened bottle of red wine 🍷] ahhh, good choice.

entj: 😉 ok now we've got snacks what next.

intp: the next step would be to watch the television.

entj: that's it?? we watch tv all the time how is this any different?

intp: [laughs] ohhh kid, do you have A LOT to learn. let me rephrase we are going to binge watch.

entj: i haven't done that since college when i broke my leg... and i'm usually too busy now a days. so what are we going to watch??

intp: [evil little grin] we shall watch one the best shows/book series ever created... from the mind of George R.R Martin... based on the book series A Song of Ice and Fire... Game of Thrones![excited squeal]😁

entj: ya know i've always meant to watch it but i've never had time... so that's actually perfect. how many seasons are there??

intp: eight. and the episodes are each an hour long. 🤓 [pressing play, theme song starts blaring]

entj: 😳

[many hours into the binge watching later...]

entj: [eating oreos out of package on their chest, drinking wine out of the bottle with their legs on intp's lap] [major character death @ the end of season one] OH! OH MY GOD! WHAT THE FUCK! NO, NO, they did not just kill one of the main characters off! OH MY GOD!

intp: ohhh my sweet summer child... [if u watch GOT you'll get the reference] this is just the beginning... so, umm, do you like it?? [nervous, hoping they do but attempting to act like it's not a big deal]

entj: they just killed off a main character, there's like 4 different plot lines all happening at the same time, and it's really gory... this is the best show i've ever seen! can we do season two??

intp: patience my apprentice. first we must replenish snackages. then season two 😈.

entj: oh good because this ones kicked it [taps on empty wine bottle]

[after replenishing]

entj: ya know i wasn't sure about this whole doing nothing thing but... it's kind of liberating 😊.

intp: welcome to my world babe. [clicks and makes finger gun] so... season two?

entj: [as theme song starts to blare] LETTTTSSS DOOOO ITTTTT!!!!

[shark-myths]

@alienfuckeronmain tagged me to deep-search my soul with these questions, and it is the exact distraction I was looking for! no pressure to do this one, pals, but i tag @carbonbased000 @leyley09 @shoeboxofphotographs12 @glitterandrocketfuel @allkindsofplatinumandpercocet @setting-in-a-honeymoon @toorational and anyone i’ve forgotten!

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or blue pen? does anyone like blue pens? who is this product made for

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or city? the city, cuz i spent 7 consecutive years very broke in rural areas with homophobia neighbors and having things to do is so thrilling. but i imagine one day retreating into the desert and living far from my nearest neighbors

3. If you could learn a new skill what would it be? I have learned all the skills I am interested in right now, because learning new things is an a+ quarantine activity. maybe the ability to do physics? i would like to be proficient in physics and i am deeply not

4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? Never

5. What was your favourite book as a child? all of them! I have always read like i’m running out of time and often get stressed when i think about how few books i will be able to read in my lifetime. as a child I reread Lord of the Rings and Robin McKinley and the Holly Black Tithe series the most, and i was OBSESSED with those gold-paged books with ribbon bookmarks that were diaries of girls from different historical periods, and i have never been able to read historical fiction since.

6. Do you prefer baths or showers? I hated baths passionately until my chronic pain reached a tipping point, and since then i have learned to really enjoy the long hot soak with a drink and a book. (i didn’t like showers either until very recently. life support tasks felt like a huge waste of time until i got a partner who helped me figure out how to enjoy them)

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would it be? i have always wanted to be one of tolkien’s elves! I want a long life filled with learning languages and reading books and existing in green peaceful spaces, and then i want to be able to die when i am done.

8. Paper or electronic books? I like paper better--I’ve been building a library slowly my whole life--but my kindle has been life-saving during the pandemic when i couldn’t go to the library.

9. What is your favourite item of clothing? right now i’m doing all my work remotely and clothes feel meaningless, but i have a plain black tank top that i feel really comfortable in

10. Do you like your name or would you like to change it? I don’t like my name at all--it’s Kaylie--because it is so aggressively peppy and feminine. it doesn’t sounds like an adult’s name; it evokes exclamation points and pigtails. i have always wished for a severe, no-nonsense name like joan, or a pretty but to-the-point name like eva.

11. Who is a mentor to you? Leslie Knope

12. Would you like to be famous and if so, what for? I used to fantasize about being a famous writer, and now in my field i do wish i had a name that mattered or was considered esteemed or expert in something in some way. I would love to have a research job where i had paid time to publish! but i don’t want it enough to work on it outside of my capitalist mandatory labor hours, because i don’t have enough time for my loved ones as it is

13. Are you a restless sleeper? lately yes, since my cat died in january i have slept like absolute hell

14. Do you consider yourself a romantic person? not really, but i am a thoughtful one

15. Which element best represents you? earth

16. Who do you want to be closer to? physically i want to be closer to my long-distance pals like @alienfuckeronmain @newleafover @time-less @immoral-crow @leyley09 (leyna let’s have a movie night when i’m done moving???)

17. Do you miss someone at the moment? pretty much all my friends i used to regularly hang out with, sam who moved to seattle, sam who lives in madison, all the people i listed above

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory. I used to play going to work. i’d pack up a backgammon case as a briefcase, grab my stuffed gorilla, and go write in notebooks and move pieces of paper around

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? I am an extremely boring person and all I eat is popcorn and bread

20. What are you most thankful for? having an able body that works to support me and keep me whole, having a partner who makes me feel truly cared for 

21. Do you like spicy food? yep!

22. Have you ever met someone famous? once at c2e2 i met george r.r. martin and no one else cared he existed because got wasn’t a show yet, so i awkwardly went up to him and proclaimed my love for his work, and then he trapped me in a long conversation about vampires

23. Do you do you keep a diary or journal? a journal! i have since i was pretty small, they take up a full shelf of a bookcase

24. Do you prefer to use a pen or a pencil? pen, and i have lots of Special Pens that i only use for a particular purpose or project, because i am a huge raging...

25. What is your star sign? virgo

26. Do you like your cereal soggy or crunchy? crunchy and without milk

27. What would you want your legacy to be? personally, that I wrote things that meant something to the people who read them; professionally, that i removed barriers to accessing healthcare for trans and gender expansive people

28. Do you like reading, what was the last book you read? see above--I completely adore reading. last book was Sisters of the Vast Black and currently i’m reading The House in the Cerulean Sea and it’s totally charming. I’ve been reading really quality science and nonfiction writing too, please send me your recommendations

29. How do you show someone you love them? I make them breakfast, I tell them so constantly, I send them things in the mail, I bring them small interesting gifts, and I say every nice thought I have about them out loud 

30. Do you like ice in your drinks? not especially, but it’s fun to chew on 

31. What are you afraid of? surgery

32. What is your favourite scent? smoke from blown-out candles, lavender, laundry detergent my loved ones use

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname? whatever they’ve told me to call them? this seems like common courtesy

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? I do so much less clinical work and work fewer hours in general, I would run for office so I could influence policy and stop wasting my fucking time on the ground level, I would spend more time writing, I would spend so much more time with my family, I would devote the time to running longer distances again in a way that doesn’t aggravate my busted knee

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? the ocean!

36. What would you do if you found £50 on the ground? oh i would definitely spend that on something stupid and self-indulgent i wanted, like a pete wentz hoodie

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? YES! when i was kid every summer i’d be sent to jesus camp, which thank god because that’s what got me into fanfiction, and it was in the middle of nowhere, wisconsin, and you could see the entire milky way and shooting stars blaze across that thing ALL THE TIME, and it shook me to my foundation every summer and for a time i mistook that feeling for faith in god instead of wonder at the infinite being and possibility that is our generous universe

38. What is the one thing you would want to teach your children? i have none of my own but my partner has a 5 year old, so quite against my intention i have become a parent-adjacent person. i try to teach him about emotional accountability for the effect of his actions on others

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? the next tattoo i want is a big snake crawling up my mostly bare left arm

40. What can you hear now? my laptop fan

41. Where do you feel the safest? when i’m protecting someone else

42. What is the one thing you want to overcome/conquer? my relationship with my body

43. Of you could travel back to any era, what would it be? i’d really like to be a gentleman of leisure in a jane austen novel

44. What is your most used emoji? the purple heart

45. Describe yourself using one word. earnest

46. What do you regret the most? not going to a 4-year university and having a #college experience. it’s one of my most stinging regrets because it was not a decision i got to make for myself

47. Last movie you saw? what is a movie theater? what does it feel like to be in one? the last movie i watched is charlie’s angels from the early 2000s because that was an unexamined sexual awakening for me--lucy liu being efficient in leather has never left me, efficiency is the single trait i most attracted to--and i wanted my boyfriend to see how bad it is

48. Last tv show you watched? either Kipo and the age of the wonderbeasts or star trek tng!

49. Invent a word and its meaning. instead i will say that i think the most beautiful english word is ache. my favorite way of creating things is transforming and remixing what already exists, which makes writing with words someone else invented the ideal challenge and pastime 

(i really loved doing this! it was nice to talk about myself at the end of a workweek. thank you @alienfuckeronmain !)

[prodigalsonfanblog]

Thoughts on Prodigal Son 1.12

Again, I’m in the UK, so I’ll be posting several hours late after each episode

My entire brain throughout this episode was like “Malcolm Bright you GODDAMN IDIOT” even after the plot twist

Malcolm caused a blackout in the precinct? What, did he try to kill himself? Cuz if so, that’s a really bad sign of how he’s dealing after his kidnapping

Gil helping Malcolm with his tie, I love it! That’s such a Dad thing to do 😊

It seems that Malcolm zapping the precinct is “The Incident”

“Inadequately processed trauma” is understating it somewhat

Man JT is just not pulling his punches with his statement, is he

“... and I say that as a friend” lmao nice addition JT 😂 seems he actually does like Malcolm

“Well, scathed. Moderately scathed.” Jfc Malcolm, yeah that makes it better

And how can we forget this gem: “If Bright was an actual state, he’d be Florida” 😂😂 I’m not even American and I know what that means

Omg Malcom’s face when Ilsa told him to go to bed, I’m dying

And then Dani trying desperately not to laugh when Jessica walks up (as I expected her to, this could only be her handiwork)

Jessica greeted Dani by “Detective Powell”, have they met already and I just didn’t notice? They act like they know each other. Maybe they met off-screen

Seems like Malcolm hasn’t told anyone that Martin tried to kill him, even his mother, which is probably wise, because she’d kill Martin for that if it was the last thing she did

I saw Malcolm’s ears prick up at the word “homicide”, Dani should know better by now than to say that where he can hear it

God I just love Edrisa, she’s always a ray of sunshine

Why isn’t administrative leave MANDATORY after a kidnapping like that??

Jesus christ he’s signing himself up for the cult

“I’ve never seen a score this high” 😂

Malcolm let the crazy cult guy shock him! For fuck’s sake, Malcolm!!

Why is the psychiatrist getting so angry? I mean he is a professional psychiatrist, I get why he’d object to the ECT, but this an overreaction

... is he involved in this case somehow?

I’m glad we got more of an explanation of Malcolm’s inner thinking of how he’s processed catching his father as a killer, but dude, you were 10 years old. It’s not your fault you didn’t catch him sooner. This guy really needs a therapist for adults

Why is he using a payphone? Doesn’t Malcolm have a cell phone?

Malcolm seems less upset about the psychiatrist proclaiming him unfit to work for the NYPD than I thought

I KNEW IT! The psychiatrist is the deprogrammer!

Even after all that, Malcolm still hasn’t told anyone about how Martin tried to kill him, it seems

Wondering how Eve fits into all this

Loved that last shot with Sunshine the parakeet!