#many thoughts 2nite

[prismatoxic]

i'm so adamant about not compromising yourself in fandom because i think it makes for a better environment.

when people demand other fans make specific a type of content, either because there's not enough of it or because what exists offends them or any other number of reasons, i reject that notion vehemently. never make things you don't want to make unless you're being paid to do it. if someone wants [X], they need to make it themselves, or find other people who like it and encourage them.

a fanwork about [X] from someone who doesn't actually want to do [X] will never be ideal. it's bad for morale. a messy, silly, and/or novice fanwork of [X] by someone who genuinely enjoys that will always be better for everyone involved than anything someone could make if their heart isn't in it, no matter the quality.

make what your heart demands. do what brings you joy. this isn't a job, and you're beholden to no one. create art of your niche kinks. write your most self-indulgent plots. pick apart the source material in 30k words of deranged meta. do what makes you happy, and the fandom will be better for it. YOU will be better for it. do not compromise your vision, and don't ask others to compromise theirs.

[munku-collar]

Victoria gazed at the little kitten in Demeter’s arms with curiosity, and interest, and a slow growing sense of adoration. She was still very young, younger than Etcetera and Electra, and still spent most of her time nursing or sleeping or blinking around with her big, sweet eyes(which had just opened a few days ago!), tucked away in her mother’s arms, away from the hustle and bustle of other cats, while Cettie and Electra were old enough to crawl and play already, with their mother Bombalurina keeping them out of trouble, and helping them grow and explore the Junkyard, their wide and wonderful home. 

Victoria had spent plenty of time with the two of them since they were born, was very familiar with (and fond of) those girls, but not at all familiar with this girl, who she had the pleasure of sitting next to, finally, after waiting what felt like ages to do so, and boy, did Vic love this.

“Her name is Jemima,” Munkustrap had reminded her, moments before he led her with a gentle paw on her back to Demeter’s den, to finally meet her properly, and Vic was sure she had never heard a sweeter name, but maybe that was just because it was new, and exciting. 

Young Victoria had seen Jemima and her mother from a distance a few times over the last week and a half, but didn’t have the chance to really come close, since they came to the Junkyard. Demeter needed lots of time to settle in, and to get comfy in her new home, Jennyanydots had said, and to Victoria, just on the cusp of adolescence, there seemed to be more than that to it, but she knew better than to ask. Either way, she was looking forward to getting to know the tribe’s newest members, and especially that cute little kitten.

But Victoria’s first thought, standing at the entrance of the pipe, was not about Jemima at all, but that Demeter was very pretty. She had looked sick and hurt the first time Vic saw her, peeking out behind Jenny and Skimble, exchanging looks with Misto as Mungojerrie brought a newcomer to the Junkyard in the middle of the night, and she had been rain-soaked and uncomfortable, so it was kind of hard to see how pretty she really was. 

But now she looked much better, and Vic found herself feeling a little shy standing at the entrance to the den, being invited to come and sit after practically begging the older cats for days, and being able to really look at her, instead of getting short looks here and there whenever Demeter left her sanctuary, and the one quick moment she had been formally introduced to the tribe as a whole. 

Vic smiled sheepishly when Demeter beckoned her over today, into her warm and quiet den, and when she forgot to tell her feet to carry her forward, too busy taking in her appearance, Munkustrap gave her a little pat on the shoulder to move her into gear.  

“Hello, Victoria,” Demeter greeted as the young queen sat down beside her, and smiled, genuinely, when Victoria let out a soft “Hi,” in return, and pulled her fluffy white tail into her lap and smoothed its stray hairs down.

Deme still wasn’t fond of crowds, and truth be told still hadn’t spend much time with the majority of the tribe’s members, was easing her way into it, but in Munk’s frequent check-ins, he had mentioned Victoria’s interest in meeting her and Jem, and that she was the quietest of the kittens, so Deme saw no issue in having a proper little meet-and-greet today, in having a sit-down with this young cat. 

Victoria seemed very sweet, from what Demeter had seen of her in passing, and the way Vic was looking up at her now, with a little trepidation but a sense of...awe, almost, was very familiar to Demeter. She remembered looking at older queens like that, remembered being infatuated and desperate to grow into a graceful, beautiful cat, when her ears were still too big for her head and her fur stuck up in odd places. Having a young queen look at her that way was flattering to say the least; Deme couldn’t remember the last time she’d gotten a look like that. It was very endearing, and Demeter understood quite quickly why she was Munkustrap’s unspoken favorite kitten. 

“It’s nice to meet you, Victoria,” Deme started, when it became clear Vic was a little unsure of what to say from there, playing with the edge of her little pink collar. “I’m sorry it took so long; I’ve been very tired, and little Jemima here needs lots of mommy time.” 

It wasn’t a lie; Demeter had regained a lot of her former strength, sleeping regularly, eating too, but there was another kind of exhaustion haunting her that made it difficult to be social, or to feel at ease, or to be vulnerable. She hoped that discomfort, that anxiety and penchant for becoming overwhelmed, would settle soon, and that she could truly get to know her new community, become more familiar with her surroundings beyond the comfort of her den. It was...hard. Very hard. But here was a start, at least, one of several, a testament to the progress she’d made in a short time.

“That’s okay,” Victoria said, smiling a little brighter and sitting more confidently, now that she had Deme’s approval, and listening ear. “Cettie and Electra are like that too. Kittens need lots of time to grow, aunt Jelly says.”

“Indeed they do,” Munkustrap agreed, slowly moving to sit at Demeter’s other side. He paused a split second, as always, to check for the permission in her eyes, and Demeter granted it, nodded approvingly as he settled nearby, and crossed his paws.

“Before you know it, the girls will be old enough to properly play, and little Jemima here too.”

“That’ll be nice,” Victoria sighed wistfully, thinking on the idea. 

All she had to play with now were boys; She liked playing with Tumble and Pounce and Misto, and especially Plato, but sometimes they could just be too rough, and Vic didn’t like having to bother Rumple or the older queens all the time to play something quieter. Munkustrap could play quiet games too, and did often, but he was still a tom, and sometimes, Victoria felt a little lonely because of it all, a little...misunderstood.  

Yes, having another queen to play with would be wonderful. That was why Vic had wanted to come see Jemima, really. Of course she was too little to be a friend now, but one day, they could be very good friends! Maybe even best friends, and Victoria didn’t want to waste any time getting to know her.

“I’m sure Jemima will love playing with you,” Demeter said. “I’m glad she’ll have a wonderful playmate, or two or three, to keep her company. I didn’t have a lot when I grew up,” she admitted, and couldn’t stop her expression from falling slightly, thinking about her kittenhood. 

She hadn’t really mentioned that to anyone in a long time, and was surprised the admission had left her lips now. There were many things about herself she didn’t want to share, didn’t feel comfortable sharing, either for shame or fear or any other emotion, but Victoria wouldn’t think anything of it she hoped, and, if there was one thing Deme had learned about Munkustrap in the short time she’d known him, he would not betray her secrets, so she told herself not to feel too bad for letting the words slip out now.

The white cat could hear a bit of the sadness in Deme’s tone though, and thought on it for a moment, and what it meant. Demeter did seem very sad, and scared, a lot of the time. Vic knew she had a rough past, but what did that entail? What had she seen and felt and suffered? Victoria wasn’t sure. She was really very curious about Demeter’s story, about the kind of woman she was, but didn’t want to ask her anything she shouldn’t. She was never one to pry into places she wasn’t allowed or invited, unlike some of her friends. 

“I could play with you,” Victoria suggested instead, offering Demeter a sweet smile and a hopeful bat of her long lashes. “Do you like tea parties? Munkustrap has tea parties with me sometimes, but I think he may be getting tired of them.” 

“What an accusation, Victoria!” Munk said on Deme’s other side, amused at what was very clearly a sales pitch. “And what have I done to indicate that I have ever, or will ever, tire of tea parties?”

“Boys always get tired of them,” Victoria said, waving her paw dismissively. She kept her hopeful eyes on Demeter, didn’t spare Munkustrap a glance, and waited for her response. 

The tom let out an astounded scoff at how quickly his young friend had cast him aside. But it was testament to Demeter’s charm, which he himself had fallen for very quickly, so he could not blame Victoria, and indeed, found it somewhat funny, if not a little shocking. 

“If I didn’t know any better, I would think I’m being forcibly replaced,” Munkustrap replied, giving Demeter a little look.

Demeter let out a breath of laughter, equal parts self conscious and entertained; It was endearing, as always, watching Munk interact with his tribe, and Victoria’s invitation, or perhaps, demand, was a welcome one. It made Demeter feel kind of warm, in a way she hadn’t for a long time. She felt a little hesitant to make any promises, or to even agree at all, but spending a little time with Victoria couldn’t hurt, could it? It would certainly be easier than trying to get to know some of the other adults, she thought.

“Well, I don’t mean to step on any paws, but maybe the tea table has an extra place for Jemima and I,” Demeter said. 

That was to Victoria’s delight. The young queen let out a little gasp of approval, her ears perking up at the possibilities, at the pretend plans for them her imagination was already forming, and it made Demeter smile a little. 

“What do you think, Jemima?” Demeter cooed, shifting her kitten in her arms so she and Victoria could admire her more directly. “Would you like to attend one of Miss Victoria’s famous tea parties?”

Jemima looked up at her mother with questioning eyes and cocked ears, a trail of drool leaking from her tiny mouth, her fingers wet from sucking on them.

“Hmm?” Demeter prompted, smiling lovingly down at her, gently pulling away her paw before she could put it in her mouth again. 

Jemima let out a little mewl then, as if to answer the question, and it made Victoria giggle delightedly, already plenty enamored with her future friend.

“A resounding yes,” Munkustrap declared at Jem’s mewl, a rumble of laughter in his chest, and its warm tone made Demeter’s heart clench in a woefully, wonderfully familiar kind of way, as she wiped the spit from her infant’s face and lifted Jemima a little higher in the air to kiss her forehead. 

[rollercoasterwords]

im actually so glad u brought this up bc the “theyre literally wizards its not supposed to be realistic” is one of the most braindead takes ive ever seen from this fandom. wanting our characters to be believable representations of their time and situations isnt a crime

see like. obviously in the first place the discourse is silly bc other people writing fanfiction u personally don't like or enjoy is not hurting u + u don't have to read it, so it's weird 2 even complain abt someone characterizing a character in a way u don't like imo. BUT that aside what interests me in particular abt the specific "they're literally wizards!!!" take is like. the way it treats notions of "reality" in fiction + particularly fantasy fiction.

like....the thoughts r still marinating + i'm still figuring out how 2 articulate this but. even with fantasy stories that are "unrealistic" bc of magic or whatever, there's still like...an internal logic, y'know? like, in this context, someone saying they want a story to feel "realistic" obviously doesn't mean they want it to be an exact mirror of real life--they wouldn't be reading fantasy if they did. but every fantasy is still structured around a society with its own rules and norms, and characters following those rules + norms makes the story feel more coherent, which is largely what allows people to then suspend their disbelief when it comes to the fantastical + magical elements. sure, they're wizards, but because the story still reflects many basic realities that we're already familiar with from our own societies, we are able to explore those realities through a different-yet-familiar lens, and it makes the world itself more believeable--it's like the difference between the fantasy of barbie fairytopia and the fantasy of lord of the rings, y'know? obviously, they are both fantastical stories, but one feels more realistic than the other, because it more closely reflects real societies. and particularly in hp canon-compliant or canon-adjacent fics that are set in that magical universe, we know that wizarding society essentially echoes most of the biases of "normal" society. so somebody saying "it feels more realistic" is obviously referring to like....that internal logic within the fantasy story, y'know? and i'm not sure if the people going "UM but they turn into animals" are willfully misinterpreting the context of "realistic" here bc it's like. a pithy rhetorical move or if there's actually just a lack of understanding or some combination of both but. it's just odd to me.

[sketchesandnonesense]

*twirls hair kicking my legs on the couch* jee wiz I wish people would ask me questions about my thoughts on diff aspects of the hit game Dashbored so I have an excuse to be totally and completely normal about it

[the-eldritch-it-gay]

would love to hear about Abjid lore so much!!! what are you currently thinking about??? 👀

So, I created Abjid in line with my homebrew take on Aasimar, which mainly just makes aasimar look cool (and made it so aasimar are less like one race, but a phenomenon seen in all races). Which is why for one, Abjid has elf ears-- both of their parents were high elves, so they take on their features. But also why Abjid had:

Antlers

A tail

Wings (and the acompanying extra set of shoulders, collarbones, and pectoral muscles to support wings)

Eyes all over their body

Hoofed feet

Pupil-less gold eyes

Glittering skin

Sharp teeth

Essentially my homebrew made it so Aasimar could look as wild as they wanted and have any combination of features.

NOW anyone who might be familiar with Abjid has probably seen drawings of them where many of these features are noticeably absent. While I draw Abjid with glittering skin, gold eyes, hooves, and sharp teeth, the other features are missing. Which is not an error, but a purposeful choice!

(tw btw! non-graphic discussion of like, removal of wings/antlers)

See, Abjid's backstory essentially boils down to the fact that they died young, were buried in an unmarked grave, and then some people worshipping a chaotic evil god exhumed their body to use in a summoning ritual for The Shadow.

During the ritual and ensuing Posession and calamity, Abjid's wings were cut off. (Lowkey as a visual reflection of the fact that when they were ressurected, they were a Fallen Aasimar). In some art I've drawn that on their back they have scarred stumps instead of wings. The ritual and calamity also are the reason behind their lack of tail.

BUT you may be asking, okay what about their antlers? Antlers are something that grow.

And THAT is a bit of lore that I had tucked away but that never came up.

Abjid themselves would routinely remove their own antlers.

Why? Well, plenty of reasons. For one, they could use the antlers for various purposes. While undead, they lived alone deep in a forest, so they largely made their own tools and such, and could use the antler to make things they need. Another reason was they could sell them, for things they needed but couldn't procure themselves they would try to sell their own antlers.

The other reason, though, was that antlers can tell their age. And they don't want people to know that, but more importantly, they don't want to know that. They don't want to know how old they are, how long they've been like this.

Their eyes, also, are missing, at least the extra ones. But also, people who have seen some art of them might notice that I draw them with many scars, ones that are symmetrical all over their body. I have two possible ideas I never solidified (since they never came up), either that their eyes met a similar fate to their wings and the scars are from such the event. The other thought was that they still have the eyes, but they're (potentially) permanently closed, in line with their status of being Fallen. In either case though, they remain as a reminder to Abjid about what happened to them, and something they dislike about themselves.

BUT also another thing about Abjid's apperance! The tragic irony which Abjid is unaware of. When they were alive they spent most of their time buying potions and charms to change their appearance, to hide their wings and eyes and antlers, so they could just, blend into a crowd, hide the features that their father hated. They just wanted a chance to be normal, to not have their aasimar features. But undead, now, they lack many of those features and hate it because to them its a reminder of what happened to them and the blood on their hands :)

[legoflowers]

the thing about shopping for a coat is you have to be at the exact right temperature. if you’re too hot you’ll feel overwhelmed and won’t want anything but if you’re too cold you’ll settle 

[drewsephrry]

guilty as sin?

Rafe Cameron x fem!reader

Words: 11.8k

Warnings: 18+ MDNI, smut, oral sex (fem receiving), fingering, alcohol and drug consumption, cuss words, violence (punches mostly), cheating

Inspired by: Guilty as Sin? by Taylor Swift (and most of the songs from The Tortured Poets Department)

loml

party at top's 2nite

be ready by 8

Seen 5:53 pm

You

okay

i love you

Delivered 5:54 pm

You and Y/Bf/N have been together for three years now, but it feels a lot different than how it started.

At first he was really sweet, thoughtful and caring. He brought you flowers for most if not all of your dates. You loved him so much and trusted him with your whole life.

Although everyone around you seemed to have a very different opinion than you.

All the wine moms in their Sunday best would be clutching their pearls, sighing, whispering “What a mess!” whenever you would walk in the Country Club. They would shake their heads saying "God, help her" when you would tell them he's your man.

God save the most judgmental creeps who say they want what's best for you.

You had a lot of arguments with your parents about him and if he was taking care of you. Most of the arguments ending with you screaming “But daddy I love him.”

But lately, he was more distant.

When you went out or he was over at your house, where you spent most of your time together, he would sit on his phone. And you had gotten bored, feeling the need to cry when he left without kissing you or saying ‘I love you’ back.

But you couldn't just throw everything you had built away to the wolves or onto the ocean rocks.

You were in the middle of picking out an outfit for the party, when you heard the notification sound on your phone. You picked it up, expecting your boyfriend had replied but what you saw made you smile wider.

rafey

heard this today and thought of homecoming lol

*The Downtown Lights by The Blue Nile*

Seen 6:17 pm

Rafe had sent you the song that you had danced with him back in the homecoming dance that you hadn't heard in a while. You smiled at the memory and sent him a picture you had in your favorites folder, of you two in front of your staircase. Toothy grins and his tie matching the maroon color of your dress.

You

how could i forget?

*image attached*

Seen 6:18 pm

You and Rafe had been friends for many years, mostly because you and Sarah were best friends since you were both 5. That meant that you both spent a lot of time in each other's houses, going on vacations with your families and having family dinners almost each week.

You couldn't help but take a liking to the older Cameron, because he was always kind and sincere to you, despite what everyone else was saying. He was always there for you when you needed him.

When your homecoming date canceled on you at the last minute, Rafe stepped in without a second thought. Even if he was two years older than you and your friend group. Or when you first got your heart broken, he had gone out to buy you ice cream and stayed with you while you were watching ‘The Notebook’ with Sarah.

“He built her the house, Rafey!”

Or when you were in the Bahamas with the Camerons and your family and your period decided to ruin your vacation, Rafe was the one who went out and got you everything you needed.

“Can you unlock the door for me sweetheart? I got you the stuff.”

And afterwards stayed with you to ensure you were okay and did impressions of his family to make you laugh.

Or last year, when you and your friends had all decided to go to Florida. Everyone was high and they all reeked of weed. While you downed a bottle of wine and had accidentally locked yourself in the bathroom crying, wearing a short black skirt with the lacy details. Rafe was the only one who tried to help you out and when he finally got the door unlocked, he held you and tried to get you to quiet down.

“Shh, I know princess. You'll be alright”.

You were really ashamed to admit that Rafe had crossed your mind once or twice while dating your current boyfriend.

And you were mostly ashamed that he had invaded your mind in your more private moments with Y/Bf/N.

“How does that feel, sweetheart?” Y/Bf/N’s head, between your legs, his chin glistening with your wetness, his fingers inside you searching for that sweet spot that made you see stars. The sweet spot only you had found.

But the way he whispered the nickname that you had only ever heard from Rafe, made you close your eyes and imagine it was him fingering you.

“Ye-yeah, babe. Can you go faster?” You whispered, your eyes still shut and your hips grinding on Y/Bf/N's face. He smirked and dove right back in.

Your mind was still on Rafe though, imagining his long fingers touching that sweet spongy spot, his mouth sucking your clit, while his other hand would grab one of your tits, playing with the nipple.

“Mine.” Rafe whispered, pressing a kiss on your upper thigh while his fingers worked wonders inside you.

And that brought you closer and closer to your release. Moaning loudly, thankful that your parents had gone out.

“Baby, you squirted.” Y/Bf/N whispered, making you open your eyes and staring at him, sighing.

Was it a crime?

rafey

will you go to top's party tn?

Seen 6:21 pm

You

yes

wbu?

Seen 6:23 pm

rafey

see you there princess

Seen 6:24 pm

You giggled and continued roaming your closet to find a dress. You needed to take your mind off of Rafe, quickly and effectively. But all you could actually do is play Taylor Swift loudly on your speaker and get ready for the party.

At 8, your phone rang and you saw your boyfriend's contact.

“Hey, I'm putting on my shoes right now. Do you want to come upstairs?” You put your phone on speaker, while tying your heels.

“I'm leaving my house now. I'll be there in five. Just wait outside for me, okay?” You could hear him, buckling his seatbelt.

“That's alright. I'll see you in a bit. I love you and drive safely!” You smiled, finishing with your right foot.

“Yeah, bye.” He said, hanging up. You sighed, trying not to cry to avoid messing up your makeup.

Why was this so hard? You could do it with a broken heart.

After five minutes, you went outside and he had just parked, looking up from his phone when he heard your front door close. You got in and leaned over the console to give him a kiss on the lips, which he accepted.

“Hi baby. You smell good.” He said, starting the car.

“Thank you. It's the perfume your mom bought me for my birthday. I've put it on before.” You replied, buckling your seatbelt, sighing once again.

When you reached Topper's house, he helped you out of the car and walked with you inside the house, searching for your friend group. You found them in the kitchen, mixing up drinks and talking shit about a pogue that crashed Kelce's car.

All of the boys started hollering when you and your boyfriend, holding hands, entered the kitchen, greeting him with high fives. Topper gave you a side hug and thanked you for coming, to which you just smiled and replied that you wouldn't miss it. You felt Y/Bf/N pulling away from you to talk more with the other boys while you just stood in the middle of the kitchen, playing with the hem of your dress.

“Hey! There's my favorite girl!” A familiar voice was heard and you looked up to find Rafe approaching you. Holding a beer bottle, dressed in a light blue polo that showed every muscle of his.

Crashing into him made you feel like he's a paradox, making you question everything, even your own sanity and morality.

“Hi Rafey!” You smiled and he hugged you tightly when he was finally close. His scent engulfed you in a daydream, as you hugged him back.

“Fuck, are you wearing that perfume your ‘mother-in-law’ got you? Smells really good, sweetheart.” He said, grinning like the devil.

You nodded, surprised and looked around to search for Y/Bf/N, who was now gone.

“Want a drink?” Rafe asked, making you nod once more. “Your usual?” His grin wider as he approached the cooler pulling out a watermelon flavored Whiteclaw. You thanked him when he handed it to you and you grimaced when a shirtless guy with sunglasses entered the kitchen and started yelling.

“Let's go outside. It's quieter. Come on” He said, pulling your free hand to follow him. You looked around once more for Y/Bf/N but nodded to Rafe and let him pull you outside. His tan, veiny hand, way bigger than yours making your mind travel at what his long fingers could do.

Are you bad or mad or wise?

You shook your head from the dirty thoughts fogging up your brain and flushing your cheeks.

“He is there playing beer pong with the guys. Don't worry.” He exclaimed, walking outside and sitting down on a chair, pulling you to sit beside him.

“How have you been? I feel like I haven't seen you in forever!” He asked, sipping his beer. “Why haven't you been to Tannyhill lately? Did you and my sister fight or something?” He continued asking, chuckling with the last question thinking that was impossible.

“I've been good. Just really busy. I was literally there last week.” You replied, taking a sip of your Whiteclaw, the drink refreshening you. You looked to the table, where your boyfriend stood with his friends as they yelled at someone to throw the ball. You rolled your eyes and looked back at the cerulean ones, you couldn't stop thinking about.

Thinking about how he would stare at you while he would lower his mouth where you would need him the most, leaving love bites all over your breasts, your tummy and thighs. Then he would come back and messily kiss you, as he would enter you, swallowing your moans.

“Y/N, did I lose you?” He chuckled, snapping his fingers in front of you as you removed yourself from your trance. You felt your skin heating up, as you looked down and played with the hem of your dress once more.

Without ever touching his skin, how could you be guilty as sin?

“I'm sorry. Just in my head these days.” You apologized.

“Why? What's up? Is something bothering you with mr. Boring guy over there?” He asked, nodding his head towards the guys.

“What? He's not boring. If somebody's boring me, I think it's me.” You said quoting one of your favorite poets.

“Dylan Thomas? Really?” you looked at him, furrowing your eyebrows in confusion.

“Ho-Since when do you know Dylan Thomas?” you asked, never taken Rafe as a guy who reads poetry.

“Do you not remember? Last year? In Florida?” He asked, chuckling, also furrowing his eyebrows in confusion. “I called you a little alcoholic and you said that ‘an alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do’. I asked you where you got that from and you said Dylan Thomas. So afterwards, I found some of his work and I was really enamored. I guess. I-It's lame.” He tried to explain, getting embarrassed and shaking his head.

“It's not.” You whispered, grabbing his hand, smiling. “It's really cool actually.” He shook his head grinning at you.

“So?” After a minute of silent stares, he asked.

“So what?” You asked back. “What's up with you and Y/Bf/N?” He asked again. You sighed, knowing you cannot lie to Rafe but also knowing that you cannot tell him the complete truth, which is you have been falling for him.

“I-we are…No. I can't and I won't lie to you, things have been…I don't know how to explain it. He's just been a little distant lately. And…I don't know if I should even be telling you this.” You tried to explain, chuckling.

“Come on, I've known you since what? Since you were 5?” You nodded. “I don't mind listening to you talking about this or anything. You should know by now that you can always come to me. Always, Y/N.”

“I know. Just feels kinda weird talking to the wrong Cameron.” You took another sip of your drink.

“Do you want me to wear a wig or some shit?” He said getting up, pointing towards the house like he was going to get an actual wig. Maybe he would, if you said yes. You pulled his hand to pull him back down and laughed at him.

“Don't! I just have never talked to you about stuff like that before.” You said, looking back at the beer pong table, noticing that your boyfriend was suddenly gone. You shrugged it off, thinking he went to get a drink.

“You don't have to. But if you ever want someone to talk to, you know where you can find me, sweetheart.” There it was again. You felt like melting on the spot.

“I know and thank you Rafey. I really appreciate it. I just feel-” “There you are! I looked everywhere for you!” Y/Bf/N slurred. You looked up and planted a small smile for him.

“Was here all along.” You said lowly to which Rafe snorted. “Got something to say Rafe?” Y/Bf/N scoffed and sucked his teeth.

Rafe and Y/Bf/N were never big fans of each other. They were forced to hang out because of the rest of their friend group and mostly, because of you even though you didn't want either one of them to feel uncomfortable being around the other.

“Let's just go. I need another drink.” You got up, grabbing Y/Bf/N's hand, before anything could start between the two. Rafe tightened his jaw and rolled his eyes looking away.

“I'll see you around, Rafe.” You greeted him, smiling sadly at him. He nodded, understanding and got up to join the rest of the boys.

The following weekend, Sarah had invited you over for a pool day. You were laying on the daybed, looking at your phone screen, waiting for a notification or a call to go off. You had texted your boyfriend, hours ago, to go to a party later the same day and he hadn't given a single sign of life.

“Y/N, turn it off. It's going to bother you for the rest of the day if you don't.” Sarah stated, coming out of the big mansion holding drinks in each hand. She handed you one, sitting down on the other daybed beside you.

“I'm sorry. You're right. I…it's just that things are weird between us. He's been ghosting me a lot lately and he's really distant. We barely hang out and when we do he's mostly on his phone or playing video games with the guys.” You confessed, sighing. Feeling like a weight has been lifted, finally getting the chance to talk about this with your best friend.

“Have you talked to him about it?” She asked, swirling her straw around her drink.

“No. Whenever I try talking to him about it, something happens. But there's more. Can I confess something to you?” You worriedly ask.

“Dude, did you murder someone?” Sarah jokingly asks, raising her eyebrows. “No! Sar!”

“Not yet!” She adds and you chuckle, shaking your head and then put your drink down.

“I need you to promise me to not say a word about this Sar. It's so embarrassing and wrong on so many levels.” You expressed taking hold of her hands.

“Y/N, you're scaring me. Of course, I promise.” She said, extending her pinky as well, intertwining with yours.

“Okay, so these last few days, maybe even weeks, I have had some thoughts. I have been thinking about someone else while I'm with Y/Bf/N. I-There's this guy that I think I have feelings for but I really shouldn't. I mean, it's wrong. It's so unfair towards Y/Bf/N. Fuck, I'm such a bad girlfriend.” You rambled, holding your head in your hands.

“Okay. Stop. You're not. You're the best girlfriend anyone could have. Y/Bf/N has never treated you properly and I know what I'm going to say is going to hurt, but he's not the one for you. Especially after treating you like this. And having these thoughts doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad girlfriend. I mean there's no such thing as bad thoughts, only actions talk.” Sarah reassured you, pulling your hands away from your face and giving your shoulder a squeeze.

“Okay, now that we got that off your mind. Who is it?” Sarah asked excitedly. You raised your eyebrows, opening your mouth to reply but you couldn't form any words.

“I…it's-”

“Hello, ladies!” Topper appeared just in time, Kelce and Rafe following.

Sarah got up to greet the boys and you stood up, walking towards the older Cameron first.

“Hey Rafey!” You greeted, wrapping your arms around his waist. His large biceps curled around your shoulders, bringing you in a tight embrace.

“Hi sweetheart! You okay?” He whispered and you pulled away from his chest, nodding with a small smile. Then you hugged Topper and Kelce, making small talk with both.

“Hey, wanna help me in the kitchen?” Rafe suggested.

“Yeah, sure.” You nodded, walking inside the house, Rafe following you towards the kitchen. You sat on the counter and saw Rafe grabbing three bottles of beer from the fridge, leaving them on the counter beside you.

“What's up?” He asked, coming to stand between your legs, his two arms caging you. You felt your breath hitching, your whole body warming up and your swimsuit getting damp at the sight of his tan chest and abs.

“What do you mean?” You asked, clearing your throat.

“You don't seem okay. And I'm kind of worried.” He confessed.

“I'm good. Yeah. Thanks for asking.” You looked down at your thighs. “You sure? You can always talk to me. If you want.” He rambled, as you smiled once more and nodded before looking into his eyes, filled with concern and wondering if he had ever thought of you as something more than his sister's best friend.

“Yeah, I know. And thank you, truly. I just am in a weird situation with Y/Bf/N. He hasn't answered any of my texts today and we have barely hung out lately.” You confessed, pouting. Rafe's blood was boiling, seeing how Y/Bf/N had upset you so much.

“I'm sorry sweetheart, it sucks that he treats you like this. You deserve better, you know?” He admitted, reminding you of what his sister told you mere minutes ago. “Yeah, I guess you're right.”

“So what are you going to do?” He asked, only then making you realize how close you are to each other. His chain dangling from his neck, his abs and biceps flexing with each small movement and the black swim shorts clinging on his thighs that you'd want to ride.

“Honestly,” you sighed, “I have no idea. I need some time to think about everything.” You exclaimed, Rafe nodded giving you a compassionate smile.

“Come here.” He pointed to himself as he wrapped his arms around your shoulders, making you wrap your own around his waist.

“I don't like seeing you sad. Especially because of him.” He added, making you chuckle in his chest.

“And you know what they say. Though lovers be lost, love shall not.” He exclaimed, adding another Dylan Thomas quote, this one happening to be one of your favorites too.

You pulled away from his chest and smiled wider, your eyes flickering between his blue ones and his plump lips. He licked his lips out of instinct and leaned in slightly.

“Yo, where are those beers bro?” Kelce entered the kitchen, making you and Rafe immediately pull away. You got off the counter grabbing two of the beers and walked towards Kelce, handing him one, before going outside to give Top his own.

“Fucking cockblock.” Rafe whispered, under his breath.

Some hours later, you were reading a book on the daybed, while the boys and Sarah were playing volleyball in the pool. They all got out and spread out to sit on the other daybeds by the pool to dry.

“You can join me, if you'd like.” You suggested to Rafe seeing he didn't have anywhere to lay down, pulling your sunglasses on your head.

“Do you mind?” He asked, approaching the daybed. “No, not at all!” You exclaimed, shaking your head and making space for him. He laid down, his skin touching you and cooling you down from the North Carolina heat.

In the span of a few minutes, quiet snores were heard as his chest went up and down with each breath he took. You couldn't help but sit and admire him and you reached with your hand to scratch his head.

The feeling of your hand in his hair, awakening him.

“I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up." You apologized profusely. Rafe smiled and laid his head on your chest, wrapping one of his arms around your waist falling back to sleep while you continued the scratching, pulling a strand or two on the back of his head making him sigh in pleasure.

Thinking about how you would pull his hair while he ate you out or when you would make out and he would lower his lips to leave sweet kisses on your neck.

Suddenly you felt consumed by your fatal fantasies, despite knowing they're make-believe but they feel like binding promises with him that needed to stop filling your thoughts.

Looking at his eyelashes fluttering, his cheeks now red from being in the sun for the whole day and the freckles that adorned his shoulders started making you think about who else could satisfy him, if not you?

Who else could hold him like you? Who's gonna know him like you do?

Hours later, after taking a shower and doing your hair and makeup, you were in Sarah's bedroom trying to decide what to wear for the party.

“I still have that green dress you wore to Kiara's birthday last year, you could wear that.” Sarah suggested from her ensuite bathroom, as she applied mascara. You sighed, still roaming her closet for a cute dress. Suddenly, a knock was heard.

“Come in!” Sarah yelled from the bathroom, the door opening revealing a dripping wet Rafe with just a towel around his hips.

“Hey, do you have any idea where my shaving cream is?” Rafe asked, looking around the room for his sister, his eyes landing on you searching around the closet wearing an old shirt of his and shorts that didn't leave much to his imagination.

“Oh, sorry Y/N needed it.” Sarah said, pulling you out of your trance. “What? Oh, yeah. I'm sorry for that!” You apologized, walking to the bathroom to grab it.

“It's no problem.” He thanked you as you handed it to him. “In how long do you reckon you'll be ready?” He asked both of you, since he was the designated driver for the night, staring at you chewing on his gum.

“If Y/N ends up finding an outfit, I think in about 20. Maybe 30.” Sarah replied, coming out of the bathroom.

“You'd look good in anything, Y/L/N.” He winked, walking out of the room, shutting the door. You were left standing with your mouth open.

“Did you find something?” Sarah asked, putting deodorant on.

“I'm gonna do the green again.” You smiled, clearing your throat and walking towards the closet to grab it.

Rafe drove you and Sarah to the house where the party was held. Sarah grabbed your hand and dragged you inside, before you got the chance to thank him.

You reached the kitchen and got drinks, before finding the rest of your friend group. You couldn't help but look around, searching for him.

Your eyes finally reached the ocean blue eyes and you smiled, as he took a sip from his drink nodding slightly at you. You shook your head smiling, feeling your phone vibrating in your bag. You pulled it out and your boyfriend's name popped up.

“Oh, shit.” You whispered. Sarah saw your shocked expression and looked down at your hands holding your phone.

“You're not picking that up. He fucking ghosted you for a whole day!” She exclaimed, taking it from your grasp and throwing it in her own bag. “Let's go dance! Get your mind off him.” She suggested, grabbing your hands and running to the makeshift dance floor in the middle of the living room. The rest of the girls joined you, as well as some tourons who seemed to take a liking to all of you.

Rafe was staring at you, as a guy put his arms around you. You seemed uncomfortable, grimacing and pushing him away as gently as you could. Sarah even tried pulling you closer to her, shaking her head at him. But he was stronger, pulling you even closer than before. He started grinding his hips on your behind and you seemed disgusted and wanted to get out there. Rafe walked through the crowd, pushing some people to get to you faster.

“What's up man?” He asked, putting his arms on this guy’s shoulder pulling him from you.

“Yo, I'm kinda busy dude.” The touron replied, slurring mostly, grabbing your waist to pull you closer again.

“You're not. She's with me.” Rafe was irritated that he couldn't take no for an answer. This time he pushed the guy away from you.

“Yeah, right. Dude go find some other girl to fuck.” The guy exclaimed, coming closer again before Rafe stopped him by grabbing him by the collar of his shirt. “What the fuck dude?”

“You're going to leave her alone and you're going to get the fuck out of here.” Rafe's jaw tightened.

“You cannot tell me what to do.”

Rafe scoffed and looked at you.

“Can you hold my beer, sweetheart? Thanks.” He asked, handing you his bottle. Before you could look up from the bottle in your hand, a loud smack was heard and people hollered.

You looked up and the guy is on the ground, his nose bleeding and Rafe keeps throwing punches at him. Your eyes widened and your mouth dropped, as Sarah pulled you towards her.

“Rafe! Stop!” You yelled, pulling away from Sarah. Rafe, at the sound of your voice, stopped the punches. He got up, spitting on the guy, before walking away.

You looked around, at the crowd of people staring at you expectantly. You opened your mouth to say something but you just sighed and walked to the direction, Rafe had gone.

You were reaching the staircase, when you felt something or rather someone, pulling on your hand. You turned around and Y/Bf/N was there.

“Why the fuck are you ignoring my calls?” He demanded, tightening his grip around your wrist.

“Not right now Y/Bf/N.” You tried to escape his grip but he was stronger than you.

“What the fuck do you mean not right now? You fucking ghosted me!” He exclaimed, pulling you towards him.

“Now you know what that feels like.” You replied, finally escaping his pull on you.

“Y/N! Y/N! Get the fuck back here!” He yelled, but it was no use. You were already up the stairs, searching for Rafe. You entered two bedrooms until you reached the third to find him sitting on the bed holding his head in his hands.

“Rafey?” You whispered, entering the room and closing the door.

“I'm okay, Y/N. Go back downstairs.” He advised, raising his head to look at you. His hair was messed up, probably from his fingers dragging through it.

“How is your hand?” You asked, approaching him and taking a seat beside him. Softly, you grabbed his hand to examine it. His knuckles were bruised and bloody.

You got up and walked in the ensuite, searching for a first aid kit or anything that could help you clean up his hand. You found some gauze and a bottle of rubbing alcohol. You sat back beside him and pulled his hand in your lap as you carefully cleaned his knuckles, grimacing whenever he hissed from the pain and lastly you wrapped his hand in gauze.

“All better now.” You exclaimed, sighing.

“Thanks.” He whispered. “I'm sorry that you had to witness all of that.” He apologized, looking at his now bandaged hand.

“I should be thanking you. That guy was…I-I really appreciate you helping me. I don't know what would have happened if you didn't step up.” You reassured him, grabbing his hand once again. He looked up and stared into your eyes, as you got lost in his gaze.

“My sister is probably searching for you.” He reminded you as he pulled his hand out of your grasp, making you frown slightly.

“Yeah, you're probably right.” You said, playing with the hem of your dress. “Y/Bf/N is here too.” You whispered.

“Wait, really?” You nodded as Rafe sighed.

“Do you want to talk to him?” He asked and you sighed, shaking your head.

“No, not right now. I don't know.” You replied confused. “He had the fucking audacity to grab me and yell at me ‘cause I didn't answer his call a few minutes ago while he hasn't even replied to one of my texts.” You rambled, rolling your eyes.

“He grabbed you?” Rafe asked, his eyebrows furrowing in concern and his jaw tightened.

“Okay, easy tiger. I can handle him.” You chuckled and he did the same. “He'll shit his pants.” He joked and you snorted.

“Yeah, right. Who's afraid of little old me?” You asked, rolling your eyes before turning to look at him again, catching him staring back at you. This time, you were closer than before. His lips mere inches away from yours. Your eyes flickered up and down his face.

“Y/N-” “Can I kiss you?” You blurted out. His eyes looked deeply into yours.

“You're drunk. I-We can't.” He explained. “I never finished my drink.” You said quickly. You felt like your heart was going to explode, your breaths were deep and quick.

“Sweetheart-” Before he could finish his sentence, your lips were on his. You pulled away for a split second, before he put his hands on your face pulling you back into him. Your tongues fighting for dominance inside your mouth, as one of your hands traveled down his chest and the other wrapped around his shoulder and into his hair pulling strands. He groaned into the kiss as he pulled you to straddle his lap, your dress bunching up over your hips, your lacy black underwear appearing, as you messily made out with him. His hands pulled your hips to grind on him, as he groaned.

After a few minutes, you pulled away, seeing his lips glistening with your lip gloss, his hair messy and his cheeks flushed. You felt a poke on your inner thigh and you giggled, playing with the hair on the nape of his neck.

“Sorry for that.” He apologized, chuckling breathlessly. “I just feel so high school every time I look at you.” You giggled and nodded. “The feeling's mutual.”

“I can't believe that this actually happened. Holy shit.” He cursed, falling backwards on the bed, pulling you with him giggling.

“What the fuck am I gonna do?” You whispered, as your lips brushed his jawline. “With you?” You whispered, as you bit the lobe of his ear.

“Y/N…” He shuddered. “I don't want you to think I'm taking advantage of you or anything. I know that things are messy with Y/Bf/N, but I can't handle being a rebound or something for you to make up your mind about him. Cause I'm down bad for you.” You sat up, listening to him.

“Rafe, I can't stop thinking about you. That's mostly the reason I want to break things off with Y/Bf/N.”

“What are you talking about?” He asked, his hands finding home on the curves of your hips.

“My relationship with Y/Bf/N was good at first, but I couldn't help myself but compare him to you at almost everything. Eventually my mind would just fog up and the only thing that was clear was you.” You confessed.

“Since wh-” His phone started ringing, interrupting him. He groaned as he pulled it from his pocket and answered it, after seeing it was his sister.

“She's with me. She's okay. Yeah. Bye.” He hung up quickly. “Y/Bf/N is searching for you. You should head downstairs.” He exclaimed, tightening his jaw once more.

“I don't w-” “We'll talk about this some other time, okay?” He said and you had no other choice but nod your head. You got off of him and walked towards the door, after pulling your dress back down and fixing your lipgloss on the vanity mirror.

“I'll see you around Rafey.” You greeted, as you reached for the door handle.

When you walked downstairs, you found Sarah in the kitchen with Kiara.

“Hey, you okay?” She asked immediately when she saw you approaching, wrapping her arms around you.

“Yeah, I'm alright. I just wanted to check on Rafe.” You nodded in assurance. “Hey, where's Y/Bf/N?” You asked, looking around the kitchen.

“I think he's with Topper.” Kiara replied, pointing towards the living room. You nodded, thanking her and walked there, Sarah and Kiara following not far behind.

You looked around for a few seconds, before your eyes fell on him sitting on the couch, with a blonde touron under his arm talking to Kelce while Topper was making out with a girl on the other side of the couch. Your eyes filled with tears and your jaw tightened.

Even though you were doing far worse things upstairs with Rafe, seeing this was killing you. You cleared your throat and approached them and when Y/Bf/N saw you, he removed his arm from around the touron and got up to greet you.

“Where were you? I was so worried, baby.” He said while you put on one of your fakest smiles and nodded. “I-I was in the bathroom upstairs. I felt kinda sick.” You lied, still smiling.

“Oh no. Let me order an Uber for you.” He said, pulling his phone from his pocket.

“I-What?” You were furious but also really confused. “I'm feeling fine now and I want to stay but would you really just get me a fucking taxi to go home?” You asked, scoffing.

“Don't.” He said in a warning tone, raising his eyebrows. You rolled your eyes and walked towards the girls.

“Let's get the fuck out of here.” Sarah advised, sending Y/Bf/N a death glare.

Sarah wrapped her arms around your waist, pulling you outside towards Kiara's Jeep.

“He's a fucking douchebag. I, seriously, cannot understand what you saw in him!” Kiara exclaimed, as she put the key in the ignition. Sarah smacked her arm from the passenger seat, while you played with the hem of your dress.

“Yeah, neither do I.” You agreed.

The next morning, you woke up from your phone ringing. You groaned as you picked it up before checking on the contact name.

“Hello?” Your voice was still groggy from sleep.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up, baby. I was just wondering if you'd be up for brunch at the Country Club.” Y/Bf/N suggested and you groaned once again before nodding your head even though he couldn't see you.

“Yeah, sure.” You agreed.

“Great, I'll pick you up in an hour. See you then.” He replied, smiling.

“Okay, bye.” You said, hanging up the call before he got the chance to say anything else. You looked over at the alarm clock on your bedside table, seeing as it was 9am. You got up and went into your ensuite to Take a warm shower. When you came out, your phone pinged signifying a new notification.

loml

love you

Seen 9:12 am

You just stared at the text, before leaving Sarah a voice message about what's happening. Then began getting ready, putting on one of your favorite sundresses and a pair of sandals.

When you reached the Country Club, you noticed that he was fidgeting and squirming in his seat.

“Are you okay?” You asked, genuinely concerned.

“Yeah, yeah baby. What do you wanna eat?” He said, picking up the menu, as the waitress approached.

“I'll have the blueberry pancakes.” You ordered smiling.

“I'll…um…I'll have the eggs benedict.” He said, as the waitress thanked and took the menus before she walked away. His eyes captivated on her walk back to the counter, making you roll your eyes.

“I'm sorry about last night. I shouldn't have reacted that way.” He apologized. “I shouldn't have grabbed you like that, I could've handled it better. But Y/N, I feel you slipping away and I cannot lose you. I love you so so much. You're the love of my life.”

“And I know this might sound crazy but I told Lucy I'd kill myself if you ever left. That's how much I've fallen for you” He said, chuckling, recalling a conversation he had with his sister. Gazing at you starry-eyed and you wondered if anything he was saying was true.

Your mind was trying to decide what to do. If you brought up Rafe, he would storm out, creating chaos. And if you broke things off now, he would make a huge scene, embarrassing you and tarnishing your family's name and reputation. Taking everything into consideration, you remembered what your mother always told you growing up. “Everyone deserves a second chance.”

“Last night was…eventful. I am not going to lie to you but I was hurt that you hadn't replied to me for a whole day, I was hurt that I found you with that touron. And after seeing how you've been behaving and-and treating me these last few weeks, I did not think we could recover from it. I thought we were done.” You confessed.

“I love you Y/N. You are the love of my life and I'll love for the rest of it. I'm so sorry I've ever made you feel like this. I truly am. But I am here, from now on. And I-I will change. For you.” He rambled, grabbing your hand from across the table. You smiled and nodded, letting him pull you for a kiss.

During the week, Y/Bf/N, truthfully had been a changed man. He was calling you every day to see what's up, hung out with you a lot more and even slept a few days at yours.

On Wednesday, you would be staying at Sarah's, as planned, but she had taken Wheezie on a shopping spree in the main land.

sarbear

the fucking ferry broke

might be extra late

go at mine

rafe is there

Seen 5:34pm

Your body covered with shivers, by Sarah mentioning her brother. You hadn't gotten the chance to see him after the party the previous week. You were really caught up with hanging out with Y/Bf/N, that you didn't get the chance to talk to him about what went down between you two. Even though your mind kept going back to the night of the party and the way he kissed you and touched your body.

You

hang in there

did you end up buying anything?

Seen 5:37 pm

sarbear

haul l8r

love you

sorry

Seen 5:40 pm

You

stfu

love you too

Seen 5:41 pm

After putting down your phone, you started making your bag for tonight before driving to Tannyhill. You rang the bell of the large mansion, a shirtless, tan adonis opening the door.

“Y/N? Sarah's not here.” He said, looking around the house.

“That's how you greet me? Come on, Cameron!” You smirked and he chuckled.

“Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry, where are my manners?” He asked, sarcastically.

“Sar said I could wait for her here.” You continued. “If that's okay?”

“Of course, yeah. Come in.” He opened the door further for you to enter. He walked to the kitchen, where he had left the fridge door open.

“I came downstairs to grab a bite. Do you want anything? Something to drink?” He suggested closing the fridge door.

“Water's just fine.” You smiled, reaching for the cabinet with the cups, pulling the purple one you've been using since you were 9, when you and Sarah went to Ikea with her parents and got matching ones. You have the other one in your home, for whenever Sarah comes over.

You filled it up and brought it to your lips taking a sip, as Rafe was searching through the pantry for snacks. He came out holding a few bags of candy and a bag of chips. You laughed at the sight and he looked at you confused.

“What? I'm hungry. You know, Rose says I'm still growing.” He muttered in a serious tone, making you cackle.

“I'm playing GTA with the boys upstairs. Wanna join?” He asked, making you notice the headset around his neck. He was already heading towards the staircase, after he grabbed your bag, where you followed like a lost puppy.

You entered his room after him, that was dark with the curtains closed, red colored LED lights lighting it up. The room was cold due to the air-conditioning, so cold that when you went in you started shivering, trying to cover up yourself with your hands. Rafe dropped your bag on his bed and noticed your shivering figure, immediately turning the A/C off, opening the windows.

“Are you just gonna stand there? Come on.” He said, sitting down with his back on the side of his bed, his ankles crossing. You followed him and sat down beside him, grabbing one of the bags of candy when you heard him chuckle.

“What?” You asked, furrowing your brows.

“Nothing. I really wanted those Sour Patch Kids.” He replied, pointing at the bag of candy.

“Oh, I'm sorry. Take it.” You shoved it in his hand. He shook his head and put his headset back on.

“Kelce, you still there?” He asked, as he pressed some buttons on the Playstation controller and you could see a tiny person walk around on the screen.

“Can I play too?” You whispered and Rafe chuckled.

“Yo, Kelce!” He called. “Is Top joining?” He asked.

“Okay, you got about 10 minutes.” He spoke, handing you the controller, removing his headset. “So, what do you wanna do?”

“Can I punch someone? Or, or can I drive?” You asked excitedly and he nodded, showing you what buttons you have to press to steal someone's car and drive it. On your first try, you crashed on a building and started running.

“Okay, let's try again. Triangle to enter. There you go.” He encouraged you, while you threw a grandma out of her car and started driving.

“I'm doing it Rafey!” You exclaimed. “I know, I see that. Come on, press R2.” He advised, smiling at you.

“I did it!” You screamed, jumping on him when you parked the car. “That was so cool!” You whispered in the crook of his neck, as you hugged him. His hands traveled around your back, holding you close to him. When you pulled away, you stared at his blue eyes.

“S-sorry.” You apologized, getting off of his lap and removing your arms from around him.

“That's alright.” He whispered, putting the headset back on and grabbing the controller from your hand.

“Hey Kelce, you there?” He called, as you started biting your lip, chipping the nail polish off of one of your fingers, feeling embarrassed.

“You okay?” He asked, still looking at the screen. “Y/N?” He whispered and you looked at him, thinking that he spoke to one of the boys.

“Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. I just didn't want to make things awkward between us. Again.” You confessed and he nodded.

“You didn't. And I meant to talk to you about last weekend.” He admitted. “I do not regret what happened between us. And I know you probably did and I don't want to hear it. It's going to make things just worse for me. I'm already-” “Rafey.” You interrupted him. He turned to look at you, pausing the game. When you looked at his flushed from the heat cheeks and ocean blue eyes, you could not resist and every ounce of logic flew out the window. You grabbed his face and smashed your lips with his, your tongue entering his mouth as your hands traveled in his hair and chest.

“Y/N-” He pulled away “Touch me, please.” You whispered, begging him as you pulled him back on your lips. His hands faltered, as he brushed them on your back, pulling you on his lap. You both messily made out with each other, as Rafe's hands grazed your breasts and your ass, before hearing Kelce yell from the headset. You pulled away with your eyes wide.

“I have turned off the mic.” He admitted and you nodded, noticing your lipgloss, now transferred on his plump lips bringing you back to the last time you did this with him.

“You have to know I did not.” You confessed, your hand scratching the back of his head.

“Did what?” He asked, confused as Kelce continued talking on the headset.

“I did not regret it. I've wanted you for such a long time. Thought about you for such a long time. And I do want this, all of this…but-” “You're with Y/Bf/N.” He finished your sentence for you and you sighed.

“I tried to finish things off with him‐” “You love him, Y/N, I shouldn't get in the middle of this.” He said, trying to pull you off of him.

“No, no. I don't. I lo-love you.” You confessed, Rafe's eyes widened. “I do. I love you. You don't have to say anything and it may seem like I'm just saying it but I do mean it. I've loved you for such a long time.”

“Do you really mean it?” He whispered and you nodded, before Rafe crashed his lips back on yours.

“I'm so glad you said that.” He started. “Because I do too. I love you, Y/N. For, fuck, 8 years?” He scoffed and you smiled. He crashed his lips on yours again, before taking hold of the back of your thighs and swiftly lifted you in his arms before he laid you down on his bed. He removed his headset, throwing it beside the controller and then hovered over you, starting to kiss you messily once more.

His kisses started traveling down your body, slowly and gently. Your neck, your breasts, your tummy, your upper thighs.

You felt like your body was on fire, as his hands traveled on your torso, over your tank top.

“Can I?” He asked and you nodded, helping him remove it.

“Someone's eager.” He teased with a smirk on his mouth. “Very.” You answered, pulling him back to kiss him and then pushed his hand lower on your body where you needed him the most.

“Are you sure about this?” He asked and you nodded. “I need words, sweetheart.” That's all it took for you to make up your mind.

“Yes, Rafey. I want you. Your fingers, your mouth, anything.” You confessed and Rafe nodded before removing your shorts and panties in one move.

“Fuck.” He whispered. “You're gorgeous.”

Feeling more exposed than ever, you felt the need to close your legs, but he held them open.

“Don't be shy with me.” You nodded and you let him do his work on you. His fingers in delicate moves, traced your thighs and your pussy lips, before pulling them apart. You moaned, feeling his hot breath on you. He smirked, before he dove in with his mouth, licking and sucking your clit and shoving a finger in your hole. His finger entering and easily touching your sweet spot.

“Rafey!” You whimpered. He continued as he stared at your Y/E/C eyes. Moans were spilling out of your mouth as he added another finger, continuing his previous motions.

“Mine.” He whispered, kissing a spot on your upper thigh. You felt your body warming up, you were panting as he made you feel so good.

“Rafe, I-” “Go on, baby.” He encouraged, as in the span of a few seconds you felt the coil inside you snapping, cumming all over his face.

“Fuck.” You whispered, his face covered in your juices. He pulled his fingers out of you and pulled them in your mouth, making you moan once more.

“Than-” “Don't. It was my pleasure.” He exclaimed, coming over and kissing your lips, letting you taste yourself.

“Do you want me to help you?” You suggested, taking a glance at his cock, now hard and begging to get out of the confined space. “You don't have to.” He quickly brushed you off, shaking his head. He got off of you and into his ensuite to grab a towel so he could clean you up.

“Thanks.” You whispered, when he returned to bed. “You can take a shower, if you want.” He suggested, giving you yet another kiss.

“Y/N? Rafe?” Sarah's voice was heard.

“Shit.” You cursed, noticing you were still naked on Rafe's bed. He grabbed your articles of clothing and handed them quickly to you, as you did your fastest to put them on. Just in time, Sarah opened the door, finding you dressed sitting on Rafe's bed and he had fallen on the floor to grab his controller and headset, whilst also trying to cover his erection.

“I am so sorry. This day has been so chaotic. Come on, Wheezie wants to show you her new clothes!” She said, entering further into the room. You got up from your place on the bed, grabbing your bag.

“See you later, Rafe.” You greeted as Sarah pulled you out of the room, he winked at you and you chuckled before closing the door.

You and Sarah were watching 'The Breakfast Club’ in her bed, when Sarah fell asleep on your shoulder, drooling on your sleep shirt. Your phone pinged, from the night table beside you and you grabbed it smiling.

rafey

you asleep?

Seen 11:39 pm

You

not yet

your sister is tho

Seen 11:41 pm

rafey

fuck

i wanted to see you

finish what we started

Seen 11:43 pm

You bit your lip and smirked at his suggestion

You

i wish

btw i am going to talk to Y/Bf/N

break up w him

i don't want to lie to either of you

i want to be with you

if you want as well

i mean

we do not have to rush things

but it's up to you

Seen 11:47 pm

The dots on your screen disappeared, coming back minutes later

rafey

i wanna be w you

i love you Y/N

Seen 11:53 pm

You

i love you

good night

Seen 11:55 pm

“Can you grab me my water bottle?” Sarah said groggily and you smiled, handing her the bottle beside you. She took a few sips, before wrapping her arms around your torso and falling back asleep.

Saturday came around and it was a special one as you had planned a movie night with your best friends in Tannyhill.

Y/Bf/N had begun being distant again. You had called him many times since your last encounter with Rafe, to meet up and talk. But he never answered.

When all of your friends arrived, everyone sat around the living room as you helped Sarah carry the snacks and drinks from the kitchen. When you came out, you saw that there was one spot left besides John B, probably kept for Sarah. You looked around and saw Rafe smirking and nodding in his direction. You followed and stood in front of him.

“We can share.” He whispered, smirking. “If you'd like.” You nodded, seeing him make space on the loveseat. Before you could sit down, he pulled most of your weight to sit on his lap.

“Rafe!” You warned, whispering, pointing with your eyes to all of your friends.

“Don't worry, sweetheart.” He whispered in your ear, before he pulled a blanket over your legs. You made yourself comfortable on his lap, as his hands traveled low from your waist on your thighs, where your breath hitched.

“You're gonna have to be quiet. Can you do that princess?” He whispered in your ear and you nodded.

His fingers stroked your thighs, as you bit your lip trying to contain any sound from coming out.

“Y/N, what do you think we should watch?” Sarah asked, still looking on her phone searching for a movie, John B kissing the side of her head.

“I don't mind.” You whimpered, as Rafe brushed his fingers over your clothed private parts. “I'm okay with everything.”

His hand passed the elastic of your shorts and your panties, cupping your pussy. You shuddered and bit your lips once again, when you felt one of his fingers opening you up.

“You're soaking wet and I have barely touched you.”

“Rafe, it's already hard as it is to stifle my sighs and moans. Don't start with the dirty talk.”

The assault in you continued happening, Rafe pressing a few kisses on the side of your neck too before bringing you to an orgasm. You bit your hand, as you released.

“You okay Y/N/N?” Kiara asked, from the couch. You looked at her and nodded.

“Yeah, I just think I'm having cramps or something. I'll go grab a painkiller.” You said, raising yourself from Rafe's lap, making him adjust in his seat and running to the closest bathroom to clean up and throw some water on your face to cool down. Thankful that no one suspected anything.

It was Thursday when you were talking on the phone Rafe, about your birthday party that was on Saturday when your doorbell rang.

“Hold on, someone's at the door.” You said, walking from the kitchen to the front door, seeing that it's Kiara.

“It's Kie. I'll talk to you later.” You assured him.

“Okay, I love you.” He left a relieved sigh and you smiled, even if he couldn't see you.

“I love you too. Bye.” You hung up, before opening the door. “Hey, Kie. What's up?” You smiled kindly at her, but the look on her face made you wipe it off right away.

“I need to talk to you.” She exclaimed and you opened the door further so she could get in.

“You're scaring me, what's going on?” You asked her, as she sat down on a stool in front of the kitchen island.

“I was going to J’s and when I was going through the Cut, I saw Y/Bf/N's car parked outside of Barry's.” She explained, you furrowed your brows in confusion.

“Barry? The guy who sells weed?” You scoffed.

“Yeah. Well he doesn't sell just weed, you know that right?” She explains but you feel lost. “Coke, Y/N.”

“What?” You were confused. Y/Bf/N has never done anything other than weed.

“He wouldn't-” “ I saw him walking out holding a baggie of a white substance.”

Your face dropped. You couldn't believe your ears.

“What the actual fuck?” You whispered.

“Have you talked with him? I figured he didn't tell you about that.” Kie explained.

“I haven't since last week, no. I have called him multiple times but he has completely ignored me. It's like I don't even exist. And especially after our last talk, all his empty promises about changing. Fuck.” You rambled, Kiara nodding, holding your hand. This conversation making you consider if he was high at the Country Club when he was apologizing or the party where he grabbed you.

“You told him about this Saturday?” She asked and you nodded. “Yeah, last week. I don't know if he still remembers though.”

“Try calling him again and if he doesn't answer, don't bother anymore. We all knew he was an asshole, but treating you like this? And on top of it all, he does drugs? This guy is dangerous, Y/N.”

“Thank you for coming all the way here to tell me Kie, I really appreciate it. And I know. I…I'm kind of trying to break things off. I deserve better.” You whispered the last part, making Kie smile and squeeze your upper arm before she got up and left. You immediately grabbed your phone calling Y/Bf/N three times, with no luck of him answering.

You

you better have a good explanation as to why you don't answer my calls or texts for more than a fucking week

i really need to talk to you

it's important

Sent 12:28 pm

On Saturday morning, you had started prepping the house, cleaning up even if it will get absolutely destroyed later and putting up the decorations Sarah bought from Party City. Your phone pinged, signifying a notification and you pulled it from the back pocket of your shorts.

rafey

good morning

happy birthday sweetheart

i love you

do you want me to come over and help?

Seen 10:23 am

You smiled at his texts, quickly replying before Sarah sees you slacking off. And also because she doesn't know about you and Rafe yet.

You

thank you so much rafey

i love you too

no it's okay

your sister is here to help

gtg

Seen 10:26 am

In the evening, you and Sarah had started getting ready. She had helped you with your hair and you were now doing your makeup when your phone rang.

“Oh, it's my brother. Want me to pick it up?” Sarah asked, as you applied your eyeliner.

“No, just leave it.” You answered before she handed it to you.

“Y/N, I'm not stupid. I've seen you and him all these years. How close you always have been.” She confessed. “And I know that something is going on with you two. And I am happy for you two. Truly.”

“You're not upset?” You asked cautiously, putting down the eyeliner and your phone.

“I am more upset that you didn't tell me anything. Of course I am happy for you two. My brother may be an idiot and sometimes a total asshole, but he never has been to you. I just want what's best for you. For either one of you.” You got up and hugged her tightly, as you thanked her profusely.

“I know it's crazy, but he's the one I want, Sar.” You whispered.

“At least now you don't have to sneak into his room while I'm sleeping.” She joked and you looked at her with widened eyes.

“You knew?” You asked and she nodded.

“I was fucking awake dude. And you didn't do a good job at being quiet.” She continued. “In or out of my bedroom.”

“Sar!” You warned.

“Just make sure that I don't get a niece or nephew anytime soon.” She smirked and you grabbed a pillow from your bed and threw it on her. “Shut up!” You screamed, chuckling.

After an hour of getting ready and pre-gaming with Sarah, the guests started coming. Soon the house was filled with Kooks and Pogues, even some tourons.

You in a short purple sequined dress searched around the house for the one person who you were hoping had already arrived. People stopped you to wish you and give you presents and others invited you for drinks but you refused continuing your search for Rafe.

When you entered the kitchen to grab a drink, you saw many familiar faces approaching you.

“Happy birthday Y/N!” Kelce yelled, lifting you off the ground and spinning you around while you giggled.

“Happy birthday!” Topper approached, after Kelce put you down, to hug you.

“Thank you guys!” You spoke with a wide smile on your face as you looked around the kitchen.

“He's on his way! Sarah asked him to pick up more ice.” Topper pulled you closer and talked into your ear.

“W-who?” You asked, still going on with the act.

“We know, Y/N.” He smirked. “We are really happy for you two. Rafe has always had a crush on you. He was non stop talking or making everything about you. It was fucking time you two got together.”

You chuckled and nodded at Topper.

“Thank you, Top.” You whispered, making Topper wink at you. “Anytime.”

“Hello there, my birthday girl!” You felt strong arms wrapping around your waist, like they always did and his chin on your shoulder. You looked on your side and smiled.

“Hey!” You whispered and he leaned in for a kiss which you accepted. You hummed as he tried to deepen it, but you pulled away.

“I brought ice.” He pulled away to show you the bags of ice and you chuckled, pointing where to put them.

“And I brought you this.” He showed you a small black bag in his other hand. “I know you said that I shouldn't get you anything but I couldn't help myself.” You smiled and pecked his lips once more.

“You really didn't have to. But thank you.” You thanked him as he grabbed one of your hands in his.

“Wanna go somewhere quiet? So you can open it?” He asked and you nodded, pulling him with you towards the staircase. You got upstairs and unlocked your bedroom door, getting inside with your lover. When you closed the door, Rafe pinned you against it smirking.

“Don't get any ideas, Cameron!” You warned and Rafe groaned, before leaning in kissing your lips and then your jawline and neck. You pushed him backwards before things could escalate further and pulled him to sit on the bed beside you.

“It's not a big deal. I just hope you like it.” He handed the black bag to you and you smiled, opening it eagerly. You pulled out a black velvet box and an envelope. You opened the box, revealing a beautiful chain with Rafe's initial in diamonds.

“Rafe!” You whimpered, your eyes gathering tears.

“No crying on your birthday, sweetheart!” He warned, quick to wipe a tear that fell down. “You'll ruin your makeup.” He added, making you nod and try to stop the tears.

“I love it!” You said, genuinely.

You then opened the envelope and smiled at the scrawny handwriting.

Y/N,

Happy Birthday my love. I hope that it's a good one. It's the first of so many we have spent together that I get to call you ‘mine’, in some way. I hope you love the necklace. It's a reminder that I really know you, I don't own you (Yes, I did listen to Taylor Swift). I love you. Forever and Always.

-your Rafey

“Rafe! This is so cute! How can I not cry?” You wondered, hugging him tightly. He rubbed your back to try and calm you down.

“Can you help me put it on?” You asked, pulling away from him as he nodded, grabbing the box and removing the necklace carefully. You moved your hair on one side, as he put it on you and did the clasp in the back. You held the letter on your fingers, before leaning in and kissing him once more.

“It's the best gift anyone has gotten me.” Rafe smiled and got up.

“I'm glad. But now there are so many people down there waiting to celebrate with you and even though I feel honored to be up here, we should get downstairs.” He continued. “And because that dress is really distracting and I won't be able to resist if we stay any longer.” You chuckled and got off your bed, walked out of your room with him and locked the door.

Downstairs the party was going in full swing. Some people were dancing in the living room, others playing beer pong in the dining room and others were just drinking and mingling with everyone.

You were dancing with Rafe in the middle of the living room, all eyes on you two. Your fingers entwined and cheeks pink in the twinkling lights. There in your glittering prime as the lights refracted sequin stars off your silhouette.

“I'm gonna go get a drink. Want anything?” Rafe whispered in your ear and you shook your head.

“No, I'm fine. Thanks.” You replied, shaking your hips from side to side, Rafe squeezing your hip. “I'll be right back.” He pressed a kiss on your temple, before unwrapping his arms from around you and walking towards the kitchen.

On his way back, his sister stopped him, pointing at you.

“She's having the time of her life" She smiled. “Don't fucking ruin it.” Sarah warned before she noticed the one person none of you wanted there, entering the house.

“Shit's about to go down.” She nodded her head towards Y/Bf/N walking in the house with Barry and a girl under his arm. Rafe's eyebrows furrowed and his jaw clenched.

“I'll take care of it.” Rafe exclaimed. “Just get Y/N. Keep her away.” Sarah nodded, already walking in your direction.

“Sar!” You yelled over the music, the drinks making you a little tipsy.

“Hey, Y/N/N. Are you having fun?” Sarah asked, smiling at you.

“So much!” You started. “Where's Rafey? Have you seen him?” You asked excitedly, searching around for him. Sarah pulled you closer and hugged you tightly in her chest, trying to make you avoid any sighting of Y/Bf/N.

“I love you so much!” Sarah exclaimed and you smiled wider, looking up at her. “I love you too, Sarbear. You okay?” You asked, worry filling you.

“Yeah, just fi-” “There's a fight going on outside!” A touron yelled, grabbing everyone's attention, including yours.

“What?” You pulled away from Sarah, shocked.

“It's probably drunk tourons fighting. It's no biggie.” Sarah shrugged and you examined her face carefully.

“What? Oh” You realized. “It's Rafe, isn't it?”

“Y/N/N-” “Don't fucking lie to me, Sar.” You warned and she nodded slowly, before you took off running outside on your porch, as well as you could with your high heels. You pushed people to pass and find him. You needed to find him. You caught a glimpse of the back of his head, before you pushed some others ending up locking eyes with Y/Bf/N.

“There she fucking is!” He yelled, making everyone that had surrounded the two guys, look at you. Rafe turned around and came close to you.

“Go inside, sweetheart.” He advised and you shook your head when his hands touched your shoulders. Sarah came up running behind you, pulling you away.

“No, I'm not going anywhere. This is stupid.” You admitted, stepping up in front of Y/Bf/N. Rafe was close behind you, in case something happened.

“What are you doing here?” You asked, looking at him in disgust.

“Come on, baby. It's your birthday, I couldn't miss it.”

His eyes were bloodshot, white powder still on the bottom of his nose. You scoffed and crossed your arms.

“Like you ever cared.” You started. “You came here to what? Win me back? Tell me that you'll change?”

“Y/N, baby, I love you so much. I'm sorry.”

“You don't get to come here and tell me you feel bad. You have said that I'm the love of your life about a fucking million times and you didn't mean it once! You only wanted to show me off in public, whilst all you did was slide into inboxes and slip through bars. You have fucking hurt me time and time again. And like the fool I am, I fucking believed you.” You rambled, everyone looking at you as Rafe yelled at them to leave.

“Y/N, you don't mean any of that. You love me too. Come on now. Fucking behave.” He exclaimed, approaching you.

“I'd rather burn my whole life down than listen to one more second of all this bitching and moaning of yours.” You scoffed.

“Was any of it true? Did none of our time together mean anything to you? Are you that heartless? Or did you really think I'm that stupid and I'd let you treat me like shit so you could get your dick wet?” You asked, pushing him.

“Stop it.” He whispered, his jaw clenching.

“Here, everyone! The smallest man who ever lived!” You yelled, making a show for everyone.

“Y/N, I said stop it! Fucking bitch.” He scoffed.

“And you know what? You never measured up in any measurе of a man.” You chuckled, as people around you hollered and laughed.

Y/Bf/N furrowed his eyebrows in anger, launching towards you. Right before your eyes, he was suddenly on the ground, with Rafe on top of him pushing him on the grass.

“Still pussy-whipped Cameron? She's too high up her ass to even notice you.” Y/Bf/N said, while struggling to get up with Rafe's weight holding him down. Rafe turned him around and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt.

“I'll give you about 5 seconds to get the fuck away from here. You'll never bother Y/N again. And if I see you around, I won't hesitate to fucking rip you apart.” He spat on his face, before getting off of him. Y/Bf/N got up and raised his middle finger towards you, before walking away.

“Good riddance asshole!” You yelled.

Rafe sighed, wrapping his arms around your shoulder pulling you into a hug.

“Go back inside folks! The party's back on!” Sarah shouted, making everyone run inside the house.

“You okay?” Rafe whispered in your ear, after ensuring no one could bother you two. You nodded.

“Thanks to you.” You confessed. “If you hadn't been here…I don't even want to think about what he could have done.” Your body shook and Rafe hugged you tighter.

“You're okay.” He kissed the temple of your head. “I'm right here. Always will be.”

You turned your head, grabbing his head and pulling him closer to you, attaching your lips to his.

“Now, let's go celebrate me!” You smiled, walking towards your house, making Rafe chuckle.

Scandal does funny things to pride, but brings lovers closer

A/N: i have been working on this since ttpd came out. i tried my best to add as many taylor references and if you're not a fan of her music, i'm sorry lol. hope you liked this, it's finally yours!!! also huge thank you to @rafeandonlyrafe for proofreading and helping me with her support and love!!!!!

[surftrips]

Maybe you could do single dad jj maybank he’s in college and has to do a project with the reader and has to bring the baby with them and they bond and start to hang out a lot then they start to date also maybe she’s a single mom I feel like that would be like a unique thing

thank you so much for this request! i hope you don't mind that i switched it up a bit (and got carried away lol) but reader is the single mom here and her and jj have known each other their whole lives :)

when you know, you know

pairing: jj maybank x reader

summary: y/n needs a babysitter and jj is the only person available.

word count: 3.5k

"Okay, I understand. Thanks, anyway," you sighed, running your hands through your hair and hanging up the phone. Your babysitter had just canceled on you, and the timing could not have been worse. 

You had been planning this night for months. Between your classes, a part-time job, and taking care of your 2-year-old Margo, it was nearly impossible to schedule anything. But you desperately needed a night out and your friend Emma had so kindly offered to set you up on a blind date. 

You scrolled through your contacts list, looking for anyone that was sober on a Friday night, a seemingly impossible task. Glancing at the time, you realized that you only had an hour left to find a babysitter and get ready. 

As panic set in, you received a text from the P4L groupchat. 

JJ: Wtw tonight?

Not now JJ, you thought. 

Y/N: Trying to find a babysitter, mine just canceled :/

Kie: Oh no, Y/N!! I'm so sorry :(

Cleo: Sorry babes, I totally wouldd but I already lost count of how many drnks I've had 2nite xxx

JJ: Wait, you guys went out already?

Sarah: JJ, we told you it's a girls night.

JJ: In that case, Y/N, I'll watch Margo! 

Absolutely not, was your first thought. JJ Maybank was probably the last person you wanted to take care of your child, he was practically one himself. 

Besides, since you had Margo, he was always acting weird around you. Before, you two would hang out all the time, but now he only saw you if there was another person there as a buffer. He hardly visited or called, but you were so preoccupied with raising a baby on your own that you hadn't had a chance to talk to him about it. 

In the beginning, people assumed it was his baby you were pregnant with, but you never crossed that line because your friendship meant the world to each other. He was the first person you told when you found out you were going to be a mother, and you remember how excited he was for you. It was hard to believe how distant he had become, and you wondered why he had volunteered himself tonight. 

You assessed the situation: you hadn't gone out in nearly two years, and who knew when the next opportunity would be? You sighed, hardly believing the words you were about to type on your phone. 

Y/N: Ok. How soon can you be here? 

Y/N: You better be sober, JJ. 

You turned your phone off before the others could protest, knowing that half of them were drunk anyway. 

"Uncle JJ is going to come over and watch you tonight, okay? Mommy is going to be gone for just a few hours," you said to your daughter, picking her up and placing her in your eye line so you could do your makeup.

"Jay Jay?" she repeated. 

"Yes, honey," you smiled, trying to reassure her, or yourself. Out of all the pogues, Kiara and Sarah babysat Margo the most. She had probably only met JJ a handful of times and you worried about how well she would do with him alone. 

As if he could read your mind, your phone began ringing and you looked over to see his face on your screen.

"JJ, please don't tell me you're canceling too."

"What? Oh, no, it's not that. I was just wondering if you needed me to bring anything for Margo?" 

"Oh," you relaxed. "Hmmm, I think we have everything we need here. But thank you for asking, JJ."

"Of course," you could hear him smiling on the other line. "You know, thanks for letting me watch Margo. I've been meaning to visit her more." 

"JJ, you know you're weren't my first choice," you teased. "But yeah, of course. Thanks, I owe you." 

You hung up the phone, thoughts from earlier creeping back into your mind. You always assumed that the baby scared JJ away, but sometimes you couldn't help but wonder if there was something more going on. 

However, now was not the time for you to be thinking about this, considering that you now had 30 minutes left until your date showed up and you had yet to pick out a dress.

"Hmmmm, let's see. Any suggestions, Margo?" you asked your daughter, combing through your closet for something appropriate. You settled on a short black dress with a boat neck, and black knee high boots to go along with it. 

"What do we think, sweetie?" you smiled at Margo.

"Pretty!" she clapped her small hands together. 

"Why, thank you, baby. Come on, let's go see if Uncle JJ is here yet," you picked her up and checked your phone for any notifications. 

Blind Date: Be there in 5! :)

Crap, you thought. Where is JJ? 

You shot back a confirmation for your date and looked out the window for any sign of JJ. You weren't sure if he was biking over or he had borrowed the Twinkie, but there was no sign of anyone outside. 

Growing anxious, you gathered Margo's favorite toys and books into the living room and tidied up your apartment to pass the time. 

Exactly 5 minutes later, the doorbell rang. You smoothed down your dress and checked your hair in the mirror one last time. Putting on your best smile, you went to open the door. 

"Hi–" you started. "Oh, it's you." 

"Come on, that's what I get for dropping everything and saving your ass?" JJ responded. 

"Sorry, weren't you the one with no plans on a Friday?" 

"You know, I can just turn around right now-" 

"Stop!" you pleaded. "Okay, sorry, I've been anxious about this all day and I just want to get back to Margo as fast as I can." 

"Relax, Y/N. I'm here now," he took in your appearance. "You look great, by the way." 

The last time he saw you remotely dressed up like this was prom night. 

You couldn't help but blush, looking around for Margo to hide your face. "Margo, look who it is!" 

"Jay Jay!" she babbled. 

"Oh my god, she knows my name!" JJ replied, looking a little perplexed. 

"You know what, I'm surprised too considering she's only met you, like, four times," you said. 

"Alright, you're no fun," he looked at you as you traded your daughter over to his arms. "Miss Margo and I here are going to have the time of our lives. Aren't we?" 

He tickled her, causing her to giggle. She seemed so comfortable in his arms, you wondered why you were ever worried in the first place. 

"Thanks again for doing this, I know we haven't talked in a while-" you started. 

"So, where's the lucky guy?" he interrupted you. 

"Uhh," you looked over at the clock. "He said he would be here by now." 

"Late to the first date? That's a red flag, Y/N." 

"As if you're not a walking red flag, JJ. What did you get here on? Your bike?"

"Hey! I refurbished that bike all on my own! It takes a lot of skill to do that."

Just then, the doorbell rang. You rushed to open the door, a smile plastered on your face again. 

"Hey! You must be Emma's friend! I'm Tom." he greeted you with a hug and a bouquet of flowers. "I'm sorry for being late, I went to get these flowers for you and was distracted by the girl scouts selling cookies outside. I had to support them, you know?" 

"Oh, no worries! Yes, how can you say no to them?" you laughed softly. You took the flowers from him and went to place them on the table closest to you, beckoning him to come in.

"Tom, this is one of my friends, JJ. He's babysitting my daughter, Margo, while we're gone," you said.

"Ah! What a pleasure," Tom went over to shake JJ's hand and politely wave at your daughter. "I promise not to keep your mom out too late tonight." 

"That's right, need her back before midnight," JJ remarked.

You playfully pushed him in response, grabbing your keys. "Alright, you have my number so please call me if you need anything. Bye Margo, mommy loves you!" 

With that, you and Tom headed outside and into his car. 

On the drive over to the restaurant, you learned that Tom was a psychologist, he liked to cook, and reality TV shows were his guilty pleasure. At the restaurant, which was a higher-end place near the water, he pulled out your chair for you. 

"I hope this place is okay, I wasn't sure what kind of food you liked so I thought somewhere nicer would be safe," he said. 

"Oh, this is perfect. Don't even worry about it," you smiled. "I haven't had a proper night out in so long, I wouldn't have minded if you took me to a burger joint." 

He laughed, "Margo is adorable, by the way. How old is she?"

"She's 2," you said. Then, feeling the need to clarify, "I had her when I was 20, at the beginning of my junior year in college."

"I see, how was that? How did you manage classes?" You were surprised at his demeanor, half-expecting him to judge you or run in the opposite direction any second now, but his inquisition was genuine.

"Well, I could still go to classes during the first trimester, but it got more difficult after that so I took a leave of absence. I'm taking night classes now because I work in the mornings." 

"Oh nice, what degree are you going for?"

"English, I want to be a teacher," you explained.

"My mom was a teacher," he smiled. "What age do you want to teach?"

"Oh no way! I want to teach elementary school kids. Everyone always tells me how hard it will be, but raising Margo... I don't love anything more than that." 

"That's really sweet, are you close with your family?"

You paused, trying to figure out how to answer the question. "Depends on who you consider my family, I guess," you laughed awkwardly. "I'm not close with my parents, but my friends? Those are the most important people in my life." 

He smiled, "I understand. I'm glad you have a support system, being a single mother can be hard." 

"Yeah, I'm super grateful. Actually, my babysitter for tonight canceled last-minute and JJ came to the rescue. I don't know what I would've done without him." 

Tom's smile faltered for an unnoticeable second. "How long have you known him for?"

"JJ? My whole life, probably. I can't imagine a time when he wasn't by my side. He was there for me throughout my entire pregnancy, but after..." you trailed off.

"After...?"

"Afterwards," you hesitated, not wanting to bad-mouth your friend. "I guess he started to distance himself more, I think Margo scared him away honestly."

"You think it was Margo and nothing else?"

"What do you mean?"

"I just mean," he sighed. "Do you think there could be any other reason why he would be so supportive of you before and not after you had Margo?" 

"I-I'm not sure. I haven't had much time to think about it, I guess."

"You want my opinion?" Tom asked. You searched his face for any sign of spitefulness, but came up empty. 

"I saw the way he looked at you and Margo, earlier. That boy is not scared of either of you. In fact, all I saw was love. Did you ever think he’s grappling with those feelings?” 

"His feelings? For me?" It was not the first time you thought about it, but it was the first time you heard it verbalized. 

"Yes, I know I sound crazy, but seriously, Y/N, what other reason could there be to explain his behavior?"

You racked your brain for all the possible explanations. Tom had a point, if JJ had feelings for you at some point in your friendship, or still does, he might feel the need to distance himself to protect you. 

"Why are you telling me all this?"

"I told you, I'm a psychologist. I notice these things," he smiled.

"Is this how all of your first dates go?" you laughed.

"Not all of them, but I’ll admit, a few are like this. But tell me, am I wrong to assume there was something more going on between you two before you got pregnant?"

You sighed, "No, you're not wrong. Our feelings for each other were a truth that neither of us wanted to confront. We were young, we didn't want to be tied down, it was college. But he was always there, by my side, through everything. Of course, I loved him." 

"Well, there you go. There's your answer." 

Tom dropped you off around midnight. You assured him that there was no need to walk you to your door, you both knew that you needed to have a conversation with JJ.

"Thank you again for tonight, we seriously need to meet up again," you said, before shutting your door.

"Absolutely, I'll give you the address to my office," he joked.

You turned the key into your door as quietly as possible, in case JJ was also asleep with Margo. Inside, the lights were off and you pulled out your phone flashlight to search for him. 

You went into Margo's room first, seeing that she was fast asleep in her crib. "Hi baby," you whispered. "Where's Uncle JJ?" 

After making sure she was tucked in properly, you turned to go into your bedroom. Sure enough, there was JJ, fast asleep in your bed. 

You couldn't help but smile, recalling memories from high school when you two would have sleepovers. Being sure to keep quiet, you changed into your pajamas and got ready for bed.

Trying your best to not wake up JJ, you pulled open the blanket on your side of the bed and slipped in next to him. 

"Goodnight, JJ," you whispered. 

—

In the morning, you woke up to the smell of pancakes in the kitchen. For a second, you weren't sure you were even in your apartment, remembering that you live alone with Margo and surely, you weren't asleep long enough for her to know her way around the kitchen.

But then you remembered that JJ was babysitting last night and had fallen asleep in your bed before you got home. 

After a long stretch, you got up and went into the kitchen.

"There she is, good morning pretty," JJ smiled at you. 

"Morning... When did you learn how to cook?" you questioned.

"What do you mean? I've always known how to make pancakes."

"Okay, that is just a straight up lie. In high school you would have chips for breakfast."

JJ put his hand to his chest, taking mock offense. "If you must know, I started teaching myself how to cook last year when I moved off-campus." 

"Wow, I must say, I am impressed, Mr. Maybank."

"Please, that's my father. You can call me JJ," he said, causing you both to laugh. 

Were his eyes always this blue? You thought, as you admired his features in the morning light. 

After a moment, you broke the silence. "Uh- I better go check on Margo. How was she last night, by the way?"

"Oh, amazing. Best kid ever." 

"Really? She didn't give you a hard time at all?"

"Nope, must have remembered me from when she was in the womb."

You smiled, turning around to your daughter's room.

Sure enough, Margo was sleeping like the baby she was. You checked the clock, she wouldn't be up for at least another hour.

"Margo's still in one piece?" JJ asked when you reentered the kitchen.

"Yes, somehow,” you mused. 

"Good, want to try these pancakes now?"

"Yes, please, I'm starving," you sat down across from JJ.

"Starving? Your date didn't feed you last night?"

"Very funny, if you want to know about my date, you can just ask." 

"Okay, how was your date?" he relented. 

"He's a psychologist." 

"Cool, anything else?" JJ looked slightly confused. 

"He was very normal and nice," you added.

“I would hope so.”

“Yes, and he likes to cook too.”

“That’s great, how was the date itself?”

“Oh the date itself…” you trailed off. 

"Y/N, why are you acting weird?"

"Weird? Me? I'm just telling you about my date." 

"You're talking about him like he's your therapist."

"Well, in a way, it was like a therapy session."

"So the date went bad?"

"No, it was really nice." 

JJ looked around the kitchen, "Did I accidentally put something in the pancake batter to make you act like this or...?" 

"These are great, by the way," you said, pointing to the pancakes with your fork.

"Thanks, but can we get back to the date?" 

"Oh, yeah, well, basically," you started. 

"Y/N." JJ was rarely ever serious, but he was starting to look concerned with you. 

"Okay, fine. It started off really well, we got to know each other. Then, he was asking about Margo and my family, and I told him about my parents, you know. Then he asked about you, and I told him I've known you forever, but after Margo, you started distancing yourself and we haven't seen or talked to each other in a while, and then-" you rambled. 

"Then what?"

"And then, he told me, or rather he made me realize, that maybe we need to address the feelings we may or may not have had for each other before I got pregnant," you finished in a rush.

JJ was silent, you weren't sure if the expression on his face was scared or bemused. 

"JJ, please say something." 

"Was that all?"

"More or less."

He sighed, "Y/N, I think one of the reasons why our friendship worked so well was because we both knew that at any moment, we could pursue something more, but we didn't. We both knew that doing that would ruin our friendship, something we've had for nearly twenty years. I thought college was going to be four years of partying and distractions, but instead, I had to face reality”

“Distractions?”

“Everyone that wasn’t you was a distraction, in case that wasn’t clear.”

“Uh, no. It wasn't, actually. JJ, you kept telling me you were trying to meet ‘the one!’” 

“Well, I was lying! Okay? You were always the one for me. I just didn’t feel like I was the one for you. So I was stupid and I decided we would be better off as friends, but when you got pregnant…” 

“When I got pregnant…?”

“When you told me about Margo, I panicked. I knew you were strong enough to do this on your own, but you shouldn’t have had to. I told myself that I was going to be there for you every step of the way, and I was, until you gave birth. I saw Margo for the first time, and I-I’m sorry. I just couldn’t do it.”

“Do what, JJ? You know I never needed you to be her father.” 

“I know, I know. I saw her and I couldn’t imagine hurting her. I didn’t want her to know me, because to know me is to be disappointed by me,” he sighed.

“JJ,” you stood up now to wrap your arms around him. “Are you kidding me? I was never, never disappointed by you. I was just worried, babe, that’s all. You stopped talking to me after that.” 

JJ allowed himself to fall into your arms. “I’m sorry, it just felt like too much at the time. I loved- love you and Margo so much, that I didn’t know what to do with all of it. So I thought it was best to give you some space, until I was better.”

You chuckled, “Is that why you taught yourself how to cook?”

“Stop, I was actually starving and had no choice.”

“And are you better now?”

“When I heard you were going on a date, do you want to know what I thought?”

“What?”

“I thought, I let her go again. I let you go a million times in college, and here I am, letting you go again.” 

When you didn’t say anything, he continued, “You’re the one for me, Y/N. I came over here tonight to show you that. I’m ready for whatever this is going to be, whatever this friendship evolves into. I spent too much time denying the truth, and I think you have too.” 

There were not enough words to describe how you were feeling, so you leaned in to kiss your best friend. JJ held your face with such gentleness, you wondered if this was all in your imagination. 

Eventually, you pulled away. “I’m done lying, to myself and to each other. This is real, yes?” you asked.

“Yes, I love you, really.”

“I love you too, Maybank.” 

You leaned in for a second time, but not before you heard the familiar cries of Margo in the other room. 

“Don’t worry, I got it,” he smiled with that boyish grin of his that you loved so much. That you have always loved. 

[keepyourpantsongohan]

Married, Colleagues, Divorced

This thought would enter his mind: Something about it is definitely different. (Gaara Hiden, Ch. 1) | Ten Days of Tenzo (@tendaysoftenzo) Day 5: Kakashi | AO3 |

                          ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Yamato to Kakashi of the Two Normal Eyes: Kakashi. Can I ask you a question...?

Kakashi to Colleague I Think About Such a Normal Amount: Yes, Tenzō?

Yamato: Did you date Iruka?

Kakashi: Why do u ask?

Yamato: Something Naruto said about going on outings with the two of you. Apparently, you even paid. 

Kakashi: We are amicably divorced

Yamato: Elaborate. 

Kakashi: The outings are part of our custody arrangement. The ramen is alimony

Yamato: I understand all of these words but not in this order. 

Kakashi: What’s not to understand. It’s important to model healthy separation for the kids 

Yamato: So you two did date?

Kakashi: No. Next question 

-- 

Kakashi to Standing Tenzōvation: Come sit here

Yamato to Hatake a Bow: I’ll come find you after. We’re going to get in trouble for texting during jōnin council deliberation again. 

Kakashi: I tried talking to u with Anbu hand signals. U said those were too obvious

Yamato: They are too obvious; you should see the message Genma sent me after the last council. Why do I need to sit there anyway? 

Kakashi: I want to eat with u today and if I’m not already occupied after we finish I will be caught in a meeting vortex

Yamato: Comes with the new job-title, Rokudaime-sama.

Kakashi: Not until next week, officially. And I didn’t enjoy any part of that sentence.

Yamato: Well, aren’t you emotionally forthright today? It’s refreshing. 

Kakashi: Does that mean u will buy lunch?

Yamato: You’re the one who just got a promotion. Hokage’s treat? 

Kakashi: I’ll spar u for it

Yamato: You’re on. 

--

Kakashi to Magic Mountain: Soup on your windowsill 

Yamato to Lord Sixth Flags: Thank you. You could come in, you know. 

Kakashi: U need some rest. Plus I have been assigned a mission to have tea with Hyuga-san 2nite

Yamato: That’s a new one. Who assigned that?

Kakashi: Me. 😔 I’ve been told clan relations are my problem now

Yamato: I can hardly wrap my head around you being a politician. 

Kakashi: I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around u nearly getting chakra exhaustion from a spar

Yamato: How many times have YOU gotten chakra exhaustion?

Kakashi: I haven’t kept a count 

Yamato: I have. 16.

Kakashi: That’s not bad. 1.4% of missions. Point is that’s what I expect from me, not u 

Yamato: Give me a break. I’ve only ever fought you when you had your sharingan. I didn’t account for how much stamina you’d have without it. My hospital check-up was quick and painless. 

Kakashi: Easy for u to say, u weren’t awake for the berating when I hauled u in

Yamato: Tsunade-sama or Sakura?

Kakashi: Sakura, thankfully. She still feels bad about hitting me, unlike her shishō

Yamato: Are we in trouble?

Kakashi: Don’t think so. The killing intent stopped after u woke up 

Kakashi: Sakura threatened to abandon her post and become a rogue ninja if we ever do it again, but I have a plan for that

Yamato: Do you anticipate Sakura leaving Konoha?

Kakashi: Not really. But after Sasuke I figured the other two should have contingencies, and I kept adding as u and Sai joined 

Yamato: Are you saying you have a plan for a scenario where all five other members of our team abandon the village? 

Kakashi: Don’t take this the wrong way but I have a 14-step-plan for that scenario

Yamato: Both impressive and concerning. 

Kakashi: That’s what they tell me in ninja therapy

Yamato: You have a therapist? 

Kakashi: Yeah. Don’t u?

Yamato: Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’ve never been more attracted to you.

Kakashi: Hm. What’s your average amount of attraction to me?

Yamato: I abstain from the question.

Kakashi: 🤔😈㊙️❓

--

Sakura to Team Thanks for Pardoning Sasuke, Sensei: reminder that our new team photo will be taken tomorrow. naruto buy a hairbrush. sensei and sasuke remember to show up on time 

Naruto: i own a hairbrush!! it just doesn’t work on my hair y’know

Sakura: bring it and i’ll help. i’m not breaking another one of my combs

Sasuke: Why do I get lumped in with Kakashi? I’m on time.

Sakura: you missed the last three years of team meetings

Sasuke: Touché. 

Sai: Do Yamato-taichō and I need to do anything? 

Sakura: i think you’ll both be fine. don’t worry too much about what kind of smile you need. be natural

Sai: I will join you early so we can practice being natural.

Sakura: that’s not what i meant. but sure we can get breakfast 

Naruto: me too!!!!

Sakura: NOT ichiraku. 

Naruto disliked “NOT ichiraku.” 

Sasuke liked “NOT ichiraku.” 

Naruto: :(((((((((((( ok 

Yamato: Kakashi and I will both have a meeting about the new housing developments first thing. I can make sure we get there.

Naruto: should u be spending so much time together?

Naruto: i don’t want yamato-taichō to catch ur chakra exaustion again kaka-sensei

Kakashi: For the last time, I did not GIVE Yamato chakra exhaustion. U can’t catch it

Sakura: debatable.

Sai: Sakura does offer medical credibility to Naruto’s theory.

Kakashi: Tenzō, tell them.

Yamato: I haven’t ruled it out.

Naruto: SEE. ur contagious sensei 

Kakashi: I miss when u all found me intimidating

Sasuke: We never found you intimidating. 

Sakura liked “We never found you intimidating.”

Naruto liked “We never found you intimidating.”

Yamato: Didn’t you make them homemade bento on their first day? Not your most menacing tactic. 

Naruto: tbh iruka-sensei and jiraiya-sensei had a lot more rules than u 

Naruto: ur gonna have to work on that as Hokage!

Sai: If you would like, I can pretend to find you intimidating. I’m a very good actor. 

Kakashi: Thank u, Sai. 😔🤘 

--

Anko to Jōnin Gone Wild: @Shiranui Genma, Married, Colleagues, Divorce: Gai, Raidō, Aoba 

Genma: Easy. Marry Raidō, Colleagues Gai, Divorce Aoba

Aoba: I understand

Gai: You have ALWAYS been an EXCELLENT Colleague, my friend!!!

Raidō: 👌

Yamato: What kind of a game is this?

Anko: Kakashi invented it. Something about it being a therapy exercise

Kakashi: Actually, my therapist advised against it. But I’m glad we have a new game. Shizune was 2 good at online mahjong

Shizune: You would be too if you grew up with Tsunade-sama. Also your next meeting is 5 minutes. I’ll bring the briefing when I’m upstairs

Kurenai: You know, as Hokage, technically Kakashi is responsible for all active shinobi. He shouldn’t be allowed to date any of his colleagues

Anko: Hahahah, government-mandated celibacy

Kakashi: I’ve been Hokage for like 3 days and none of u respect authority anyways 

Kurenai: Are you saying you DO want to date a jōnin?

Anko emphasized, “Are you saying you DO want to date a jōnin?”

Yamato emphasized, “Are you saying you DO want to date a jōnin?”

Kakashi: U think I don’t know a trap when I see one

Shizune: He has a picture of gljljLKHGLJ

Shizune: I would like everyone to know that Kakashi-sama grabbed my phone when I was writing that message. 

Kakashi: Aiming for meeting brief. New depth perception with 2 eyes. Talk later bye

--

Yamato to Celibacy Senpai: Explain to me how the game works again. Since we’re colleagues, we can’t be married or divorced?

Kakashi to Comrade Featured in Several GROUP Photos: It’s more of a state of mind

Kakashi: Take for example, if I had u, Yugao and Ibiki. I’d Colleagues Yugao, Divorce Ibiki and Marry u. 

Yamato: That implies you were married to Ibiki before me. 

Kakashi: Would it affect ur interest in marrying me?

Yamato: No, but I’d wonder why we didn’t get married first. We get along more.

Kakashi: We prioritized our friendship over other potential kinds of bonds

Yamato: I think we've got a pretty good track record for adapting. Besides, spouses should be friends. Anyway, none of this answers the question of why you’d suddenly marry someone else.

Kakashi: We were separated by a tsunami. U lost ur memory and I couldn’t find u so Ibiki and I got together so the kids could have another role model

Yamato: How long was I gone before you moved on? 

Kakashi: We co-parented but I didn’t move on. That’s why u and I get married 

Yamato: What if I’m more of a long-term-romantic-roommates kind of guy? 

Kakashi: I’d make that work

Yamato: In the game?

Kakashi: Sure. In the game

--

Naruto to Team Congratulations Chūbu Sai: i went 2 the yamanaka flower shop for plant food after we met up and u’ll never guess what i saw!! u know the bandana guy?

Yamato: Genma? 

Kakashi: Ibiki?

Sakura: Ebisu-sensei? 

Naruto: no. sasuke hair

Kakashi: Izumo

Yamato: Izumo. 

Naruto: yeah him!! he was buying flowers for that other guy. big stick.

Sakura: 🤨

Kakashi: That’s Kotetsu. And? 

Naruto: he was BUYING FLOWERS. for that GUY. for a DATE!!!!!

Sai: Ino tells me it is customary to bring your partner gifts like flowers to show your affection. 

Naruto: I DIDN’T KNOW THAT WAS AN OPTION!!

Kakashi: Dating Kotetsu? It isn’t. He’s in a relationship. And he’s too old for u

Naruto: DATING A GUY!!

Yamato: Why didn’t you think it was an option, Naruto? 

Naruto: i mean, everyone thinks that way about guys and girls and everyone 

Naruto: but no one DOES IT, y’know

Sai questioned “i mean, everyone thinks that way about guys and girls and everyone.” 

Sai: Is that true?

Sakura: i think this is the wrong chat to ask that question in 

Yamato emphasized, “i think this is the wrong chat to ask that question in.”

Sai: Why? 

Kakashi: I can give u a book that will explain it, Sai. Anyway Naruto, people can date anyone they want, within reason. As long as the people involved like each other

Naruto: anyone?

Kakashi: Yeah. Even more than one person at once. Right, Sasuke? 👨🏻‍🎤

Sasuke: What’s that emoji supposed to mean?

Kakashi: I just like to make sure ur phone is on. 

Naruto: i gotta go for a walk

--

Yamato to It’s Kakamplicated: I’m going to tell him.

Kakashi to Konoha’s Next Top Anbu (Not a Sex Thing. Maybe A Sex Thing): Give him a few more days, he’ll figure it out 

Yamato: …How long did it take you to figure it out?

Kakashi: I abstain from the question

Yamato: 🙄

Kakashi: Fine. 19. 

Yamato: Age or years?

Kakashi: Definitely one of those two things. Next question 

--

Iruka to Senseis R Us: What have you been telling Naruto?

Kakashi: U’ll have to be more specific

Iruka: Why did Naruto say he was going to hang out with my ex-husband?!

Kakashi: What makes u think I have anything to do with it

Iruka: I didn’t say I was talking to you. However, he was going to see your team and I don’t think Yamato-san is responsible for this!!

Yamato: I’m going to leave this one in Kakashi’s capable hands.

Iruka: Kakashi. What is wrong with you?

Yamato: Becoming a chunin at the age of 6, a strangely public black ops career, a possible attachment disorder and some very interesting tan lines. 

Kakashi: That’s the kunai calling the shuriken sharp. 

Kakashi: Also I’ll show u some interesting tan lines

Yamato loved “Also I’ll show u some interesting tan lines.” 

Kakashi: Anyway. I didn’t say much, Naruto was just curious about our history 

Iruka: We don’t have a history?? 

Kakashi: What about when I reupholstered your sofa?

Iruka: Was that... a romantic activity for you?

Kakashi: This is why we’d never work out, Iruka. 

Iruka: Because you text like a member of the cypher corps? 

Yamato: It’s not so bad. His birthday messages are very heartfelt. 

Kakashi loved “It’s not so bad. His birthday messages are very heartfelt.”

Kakashi: Thank you, Tenzō.  

Iruka: Who’s Tenzō?

Yamato liked “Who’s Tenzō?” 

Kakashi loved “Who’s Tenzō?” 

Iruka: This is going on your performance review as an ex-husband.

Kakashi: That’s fair

--

Yamato to Kakashinova: Have you seen my uniform belt? 

Kakashi to Some Kind of Wooderful: I have not. U do keep taking it off every time we eat if that helps?

Yamato: I can’t get used to the placement. But I’ll need to find it or order another one before my next check-in. You know how they are about item counts. 

Kakashi: U can use one of mine if u want 

Yamato: Your black belt which has Rokudaime Hokage stitched on the inside? I’ll pass, thanks. 

Kakashi: I don’t know why they keep putting that on everything. But u can’t see that part while ur wearing it anyway. It’s the same belt 

Yamato: Yes, but the Anbu would know it was your belt. I get enough heat for how much time we spend together as it is.

Kakashi: Favouritism?

Yamato: More like wisecracks about holding a torch for you. 

Kakashi: Haha why. Do you have a crush on me, Tenzō?

Yamato: You know the answer to this one. Next question.

Kakashi: What makes u think I know the answer?

Yamato: You’re the smartest person in this village. And we see each other every day.

Kakashi: We all have our Shodaime’s nipple

Yamato: Some of us more than most. Let’s try a different question. How many times have we kissed each other?

Kakashi: 7. 9 and a half if u count missions 

Yamato: Where are you getting the half from?

Kakashi: CPR

Yamato: Ah. So, in those nine-and-a-half moments... You didn’t have any suppositions? Inferences? Lessons gleaned from experience? 

Kakashi: Four and a half of them we’d need to discount for recall, and the last few are harder to report on due to observer bias

Yamato: The observer bias in you gauging my romantic feelings.

Kakashi: Yes

Yamato: Because you would like?

Kakashi: You

Yamato: Me to what?

Kakashi: Long-term romantic roommates, eventually

Yamato: Oh.

Kakashi: Yeah. Do you mind?

Yamato: No, I don’t mind. Maybe we can start with dinner and a walk first? 

Yamato: And Kakashi? I long-term romantic roommates you too. 

Kakashi: That’s a funny way to ask me on a date. 💘 See u in an hour?

Yamato: It’s on.

[sweetpascal]

" never would have thought "

summary: having been friends for a few years, you never would have thought you'd lower your standards to fill that void in your life. no matter how many times könig has tried to prove your worth, you're too blinded.

warnings: !! ANGST !! (grab the tissues), könig tries his best, heartbreak, toxic situationships, rejection, no happy ending

wc: 2.2k

notes: i remembered about all of my horrible situationships and it somehow included könig in the thoughts ?? also, könig is NOT gonna act how you think he's gonna act. trust me. !! THIS WILL HURT !!

.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・

for the third time this week, you got blown off. it was confusing to say the least. you were doing everything right; not making too many jokes, being quiet when it's necessary, wearing clothes you wouldn't normally wear to keep him attracted. but it all is continuously one note. you keep giving, but have never received once. you knew how stupid you were being. you saw the red flags clear as day. the only thing that scared you if you ended whatever it was between you two is that you wouldn't find another person to fill in that lonely gap. you reread the texts back and forth, eyes swollen from the tears you've wept.

him: can't do it 2nite. reschedule ?

you: oh.. yep ! that's fine with me ! maybe tomorrow ?

him: idk y/n, i told you we'll see. i'll talk to you later 👍🏼

a fucking thumbs up emoji. you were better than a thumbs up emoji, but you didn't care. you threw your phone down and sobbed harder in your pillow. you two weren't even exclusive. it was mainly talking, the occasional hang out and hookup, and that's it. a hand rubbing your back made you cry harder.

"i'm so fucking stupid!" you wailed and pounded your fist into the mattress. you lift your head up to face your best friend who has been by your side through literally everything. könig. the quiet giant who chose you as his friend.

"don't say that, bohne," he tuts. "he's just.. immature and navigating his way through life by taking advantage of women like you."

"women like me? y-you mean gullible, stupid, lonely, sensitive, insecure women?" you sniffled and sat up in your bed. "god, it's just.. why can't i find the one person that makes me feel good about myself. like romantically and sexually and emotionally."

könig pulls his hand away and repositions himself against your headboard. it pained him that you thought of yourself as those horrid, negative words. he never saw that in you, ever. he sighs deeply through his nose and gives you a small shrug. "what i think.. and i'm saying this as your friend.. but what i think, bohne, is that you never learned how to enjoy life alone."

you squint at him. "what.. what do you mean?"

he shrugs again and plays with the ring on his middle finger. you have a matching one that you wear on your thumb. "you're so scared of being alone that you'll take whatever you can get and that's not a good mindset. you know. i know it."

what he says rings true, but it didn't feel good hearing them, especially from him. it was embarrassing having him see the texts and hear your cries. könig has met your situationship twice in a social gathering. the first time, he immediately told you of his dislike for the guy. the second time, he didn't bother to look, let alone speak to him. and if a guy friend says another guy isn't good for you, that's your cue to cut ties and believe your friend. but you didn't want to do that. there was something so invigorating about him that you couldn't pull away from.

it's been about a week since könig has witnessed your unnecessary heartache. and ever since then, you've been texting him updates between you and your situationship. you called könig one night and he hears your breathless giggles and slurring words. you had been so excited to tell him about your date. it was at a bar. you bought your own drinks. you bought your own food. and the guy invited his own friends. and for some reason, you didn't see a problem with that as long as you were within his proximity. it hurt your friend, very deeply. he knows in his heart that you didn't deserve this treatment, especially from someone you're not even dating. your priorities should've been on better things and not someone who only calls you for a quickie and a half assed hangout.

there was a knock on his front door. könig stopped doing pull-ups in his bedroom door and planted his feet onto the ground. he combed a hand through his sweaty, messy hair and fixed his backwards hat. when he opened the door, he was immediately taken aback and in awe of your appearance. you were wearing a pretty sundress - one of his favorite's actually. the color accentuated your skin tone and brought out the color of your eyes too. speaking of your eyes, they were puffy and rimmed red. when you let out a weak whimper, könig said nothing else and instead gently grabbed your wrist, pulled you inside, and gave you a bear hug as he shut the door with his foot and leaned against it.

you sobbed and wailed and gripped his shirt so tightly in your hands that he was sure you were going to cut through the fabric with your nails.

"he.. he has a girl-girlfriend now," you sobbed and shook your head, the hammering of your heart not stopping and the butterflies in the pit of your stomach never going away. "he p-posted her! on.. on his in-instagram!"

with shaking hands, you showed könig his account. and there he was, arm wrapped around a tanned blonde girl wearing a hockey jersey and jean booty shorts. the caption was simply a kissy face emoji. könig tuts and continues to hold you in his thick arms, his eyes clenching shut as you kept crying in his chest. his heart cracked every single time a whimper spilled from your lips. this needed to stop, now.

"y/n," he whispered when your crying turned into painful hiccuping and sniffles. "you.. you need to stop doing this to yourself. and doing this to me, bohne." since the situationship finally cut ties with you, he guessed now was the time to clear the air.

your brows furrowed as you stared up at him. "what do you mean? doing.. doing what to you?"

könig felt bitter. bitter at the fact that you never saw him as a person and only a form of comfort. he lets out a small scoff and drops his arms to his sides, staring down at you with heartbreak in his eyes.

"you know when we first met, the first thing that drew me to you was how strong a head you had on your shoulders. i always told myself that you could do anything. and even if you failed, you would still brush it off like it was nothing and keep going," he tells you with a grimace on his face, one that he specifically reserved for people who have done him wrong. seeing that look on his face had you feeling nervous. "and then.. verdammte hölle.. you get mixed up in these messes and i'm always the one to pick up the pieces."

you were stunned. there no words to describe what you were feeling right now. how dare he try to put the blame on you? how dare he try to make this about him?

"you are my friend, könig. my best friend. that's what best friends are supposed to do-"

he laughs. he actually laughs in your face. "supposed to do? supposed to do? i am not supposed to do anything. it is not an obligation of mine as your friend to only be seen as a person of comfort. that is not who i am, verdammt noch mal!"

one thing about könig is when he's pissed, he'll slip into german. and by the looks and sound of it, you can tell that this man in front of you has reached his breaking point. did you really cause this?

"you're.. you're the only friend i have, k! there's nobody else whose been there for me like you have!" you're starting to get pissed too. why is he so upset over something you chose to do? it shouldn't have effected him, right? why is it effecting him? what's going on?

"that's exactly it!" his voice raises an octave higher. "this is what i have told you from the beginning, ja? you couldn't stand being alone, so you felt the need to-to, what? hurt yourself even more by going out with these stücke scheiße to forget about just how lonely and sad you are?"

now that one stung. you blinked back tears and shook your head at him. "how dare you?" your voice was cold and quiet.

"how dare me?" könig lets out a humorless laugh and crosses his arms. you try to ignore the fact that the action of him doing so has increased the size of his biceps. "how dare you, y/n? you have used me for your own emotional comfort over and over without even realizing how much it has pained me. you have been so blinded from these-these sad excuses for men from really seeing what was in front of you."

your eyes widened and you swallowed down a gasp. without being told anymore details, you knew where this confession was going. you shook your head at him again and pressed your hands to your forehead. "oh, no, no, no," you whispered to yourself. "this was not supposed to happen."

könig looks away from you and instead stares at his feet. "no.. it wasn't," he replies quietly. he didn't know what else to say. here he was, heart out in the open, as vulnerable as they come. it's either a make or break type of situation. his heart grew heavy.

you really didn't want to do this right now, but there was no other choice. after all of these harsh words have been exchanged, you might as well bite the bullet. you took a step forward towards him, and then another, and soon you're standing just in his line of sight.

"könig," you whispered and laid a hand on his tense forearm. your bottom lip trembled and your eyes got all glossy with tears. "you are my best friend, but.."

"yeah.. there it is," he muttered to himself with a sad chuckle. "but you only see me as such, ja?"

there was a tense silence now between you two. könig moved away from you, letting your hand fall from his arm. you sniffled and swallowed down the pitiful whimper that threatened to leave your lips.

"you don't see it, do you?" he looks at you now, and you burn under his gaze. "with every cry, every heartbreak, every episode, i have been there. but where were you for me?"

that was the question that finally made you break. you covered your face with your hands and turned away from him. you couldn't even lie to yourself anymore. everything he had said was true. the ache in your chest only worsened at the thought of losing the one good person in your life. when you turned around again, könig was holding the front door open. you didn't even hear him do that.

"bear," you whispered brokenly, tears freely sliding down your cheeks as you stood before him again, desperate for a reaction or for him to tell you that he was just kidding. "remember me? it's your bohne?"

bear and bohne, or bean, as he loved to call you. those were your nicknames for each other due to your height and size differences. the names stuck for years and even then, you two would refer to each other as such.

könig shakes his head at you, opening the door wider when you tried touching his arm again. "no," he mutters. "you were never mine to begin with."

and that was the final crack in your heart before it shattered into a million pieces. who would have thought that your dumb decisions could cause one of the worst heartbreaks you could ever imagine? you whispered his name again, so broken and pitiful. but he didn't bother to look at you. he instead closes his eyes.

"it's time for you to go now," he tells you, his hand tightening around the knob behind the door that you couldn't see.

when you try to call his name again, he opens his eyes. and right there, you see the tears threatening to fall. the slight tremble in his lip and the way he furrowed his brows and clenched his jaw to prevent a single tear to roll down his cheek.

"bitte," he whispers.

that was a word you understood very well. in the early stages of your friendship, having learned that könig was of german heritage, you made it a point for him to teach you german words and phrases.

please, is what he said. he was begging you to leave. in all your years of knowing him, you have never heard that word come from that man's lips. he has never begged anyone to do anything, ever. so hearing him beg you to leave his apartment and essentially leave him alone for whoever knows how long tore you up. you stood in front of him in silence one last time and finally got the courage to exit. the second your feet touched the tiled ground of the hallway, the door slammed shut and locked behind you.

later that night, you saw that he had blocked your number when you tried sending him an apology text. who would have thought?

[fourteenfifteen]

may i request some friends at the table fic recs? i haven’t ventured really into the tag

HELLO ANON yeth you can.

i am not an expert and have not read everything but i have some faves! which i will sort by season for your convenience : ] also i have not finished sangfielle so i can't help you there lo siento. if you want more fics i would say a good place to start is @arwainian's fic marathon project. he has been reading everything in the tag and recommending things as he goes there's probably as many recs as u could want right there

ALSO stating at the top that i also write fic! not going to rec any of mine but i'm kind of a hottie i won't lie to u so that's there

OK recs under the cut

these are not in any particular order within seasons!

pzn/pld [at the top bc i have a palisade fic agenda]:

bad endings by elanoides

the stellar combustor arc but a time loop. amazing writing and an instant fave as soon as i read it. i mean come on dude it's a time loop fic come onnnnnnnn

i will reveal you by rozecrest

a recent addition to the tag that i really liked very fun brnine/gucci fic. where's that post about wanting every fic to also be a literary analysis essay that's me rn

use you as a focal point by joeysnowy

theeee crysanth/SI fic which ok it's a niche market but this is just a great one

party 2nite @ bc, rsvp capt. kb by fangirl_squee

VERY fun fic where the blue channel hosts a halloween party. i was giggling bro i won't lie to you

tm:

the cat who got the whipped cream by bluecloak

how often do you get to say that the most kudosed fic in a tag totally earns that in terms of quality? lovely and funny and absolutely gorgeously written

my place to land by lady_mab

yes it's the longest fic in the tag yes it's worth the time. total au that still manages to hit that tm vibe

as many times as it takes to get it right by theorangewitch

i just read this for the first time within the last couple weeks and oof it's a great one. very funny and creative and sweet reincarnation fic

excerpts/yours/beloved/signet.asmblg by kalcifer

signet and belgard twine fic!! great shit this one goes out to all the divine likers

c/w:

rising water by yellow

in lieu of a summary i'm just going to say that i'm actively not a cassmako person but i have read this fic a dozen times

light up the way by harpydora

damn i love these crazy kids. very good fix it fic for the ppl who cried at the end of counter/weight (everyone i assume)

hieron/marielda:

moving shadows / moving light by waveridden

uhh ok so do you know the reality show naked and afraid. ephrim and throndir on that. my secsam gift from last year which was a PRIVILEGE

champions of the world by fangirl_squee

an elaborate hieron hockey au longfic. very cozy and well-thought out

presque vu by fangirl_squee

ok this one is odd and hard to describe but very cool. genuinely have read very few fics like it. read if you like: hieron's tone, weird aus, and magical realism

and i follow just to find you by angstandcaffeine

oh my godddd i love this fic. the cw's supernatural WISHES

the killing of the king god's car by the traitor prince maelgwyn by thunder_rolled_a_six

a total classic that probably everyone would recommend to you. marielda high school au but ok i don't usually like that kind of thing so trust me on this one

fits and starts by luckydicekirby

augh. oh my god. does anybody else like crying. totally amazing samfam fic that really digs into god weirdness in a way that i love and also yeah it broke my heart

making something new by harpydora

love the samol characterization in this one also i just think it's fun

other?:

who put love in my head? by kaynara

does anybody else remember half past and flashback and absolute territory? no just me? ok well in any case this fic is so fun and the character voices are so great

ok that feels like a good list! i could absolutely generate a dozen more but i'll leave it there lol generally i will say the fic generated by this fandom is pretty high quality and you'll have a decent experience just looking around in the tag like there's some good stuff in there. worth taking a chance on things (esp recent stuff!)

[chcrryade]

WHAT YOU WAITING FOR? Park Yeonwoo for 2NITE MAGAZINE. 11 Aug, 2022.

It was admittedly harder to get an audience with the elusive JALEN DUAN than I initially thought it would be. There were many emails left ignored, polite messages left at the front desk of the JAGUAR building to an unimpressed-looking secretary that I was assured would be passed on but I assume never were, and altogether a lot of general frustration before we reached where we were—that place in question being quite a dingy-looking fast food place with one flickering light, a few dead-on-their-feet looking teenaged employees milling around in the back, and a singular other patron tucked away quietly in their chosen booth.

I had gotten there before the vocalist, and so had taken quite a few creative liberties while ordering as I assumed what food from the menu he might have liked to eat, but my efforts turned out to be in vain when he pushed the door open, found me and my tray of greasy goodness, made a disgusted face, and stole the large drink I’d ordered instead.

“I’m not touching any of that with a ten-foot barge pole,” was what JALEN had informed me, making himself comfortable on the leather seat opposite me before gesturing to it and then myself. “You’re free to dig in, though.”

I decided it would be rather rude if I was trying to ask him all the questions I’d diligently written down to prepare for this fateful meeting with a mouth full of burger and fries, and so declined and pushed the tray to the side. I wanted to get straight down to business, and told him as such.

(And was rewarded with a flat look and the sound of soda painstakingly being sucked up through his straw. “Well.. I’m not stopping you” was all he said out loud, but the underlying message of ‘get on with it’ wasn’t hard to read).

It suddenly wasn’t so difficult to see why JALEN was often referred to as one of the more unfriendly-looking members of CHERRYADE. But if I’d waited this long for a single interview (one he wasn’t likely to give in the first place, nor entertain any offers of more), I was definitely going to wring everything I could manage out of the man. So I sat up straighter, fished the crumpled-up receipt filled to the brim with all the ideas for questions I could ask out of my back pocket, indulged in a single fry for my troubles before I began (and resolutely ignoring the look I got in response), and got right to it.

“This whole redebuting thing—how’s that been working out for you? It’s been.. What, a year now?”

Not that I’d seen any celebrations for the milestone from neither the group nor the company. It was more bet wins on how long they’d last being cashed in amongst the fans than anything else.

JALEN made a so-so movement with his hand, head tilting in thought before he answered. “It’s been working out just fine, I guess. I mean, we’re still together, aren’t we? For longer than anyone thought we’d actually last. I’ve had HAEIL with me from our ALGORHYTHM days, at least. DOYEON got lumped in with us without actually knowing anyone.”

“And there’s not too much.. Trouble in paradise?”

The once-contemplative look on his face melted into a small smile, one eyebrow raised. It took another sip of his drink before he slowly set the cup down again and answered. “‘Paradise’ is a stretch, don’t you think? But.. No, actually, it hasn’t been the Hell I was expecting. Sure, YIJUN’s been making his rounds in the headlines—which is like, how many fights do you want to start? I’m half sure he wants us to disband—and there’s been a couple arguments, but nothing career threatening. Yet.”

The ominous end to his answer made me pause. Maybe he found the reaction amusing, because on the opposite side of the table JALEN then burst into laughter. It was the most expressive I’d ever seen him, granted I’d been seeing him for a total of maybe 15 minutes at the very most.

“I’m just fucking with you,” he assured me, smirk still on his face. “I might be a bit of a pessimist, but I don’t have the glass-half-empty approach to CHERRYADE. Or any of the boys, really. They might irritate me sometimes, and hate each other some other times, but I want us to stick it out a little longer. DOYEON might be the leader, but I’m the oldest. I kinda want to.. I don’t know, take care of them a bit.”

It was a surprisingly heartfelt answer, but also one that JALEN looked like he regretted as soon as it left his lips. He mimed throwing up in his mouth and shuddered a little, shaking his head as if to snap himself out of the caring side of himself that he’d just displayed.

“Nevermind. Gross.”

The somewhat-childish words made me crack a smile of my own, and it wasn’t that hard to relax a little after that. Questions seemed to flow easier, the ice having been broken.

“Forgive me if I’m prodding too far into it, but I think it’s something everyone wants to know: are there any.. You know, bad eggs? People you should look out for?”

His smirk widened, something of a scoff escaping him. “‘Bad egg?’ Who the fuck says that anymore?”

“Just humour me. For the sake of the story.” Because any good journalist should be prepared to give up a little of their dignity for the sake of the story.

“There’s always ‘bad eggs.’ You’re not going to like everyone you meet.” Was his matter-of-fact (and very unsatisfactory answer), but before I could press for more he had continued on anyway. “But—well, yeah. Some people..” He trailed off to roll his eyes, taking another sip from the paper cup sat before him and looking like he was thinking of a way to put it that wasn’t filled to the brim with expletives and curses on said ‘people’s’ families. Although personally, I thought the more expletives, the better.

“Some people really piss me off,” he finally settled on, smile gone and replaced with the same carefully blank look he’d levelled at me earlier. “Even if I’ve never properly met them, I see the way they act and the way they talk and it just makes me wanna—” his hands squeezed together, one half raised as if he was thinking of making a punching motion, but then dropping back to the table once he’d thought better of it. “It makes me wanna throw up. Or, like, blow up at them Yijun-Inkigayo style.” 

The grin came back for a fleeting moment after the short-lasting silence that followed his answer, JALEN shooting me a quick wink to go with it. “Not naming any names, though. I’m not a snitch.”

Annoying, but understandable. He’d just expressed his sentiments over wanting to keep the group together, and so I doubted going on record and listing all the people he had qualms with would do wonders for that wish. I indulged in a few more fries before carrying on.

“How do you not do that, then? Lose it, that is.”

He shrugged, fingers tracing the surface of the table. “Self-control. You’ve just gotta force yourself not to react—not where they can see you, anyway. Every time I want to start a fight or call someone out I can just, like, see all the headlines and the videos and the tweets when I close my eyes, and it puts me off. If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that there’s always someone watching, somewhere.”

There was a pause, but before I could assume that was the end of it and move on he was speaking up again. “I mean, that’s kind of the only reason I’m even here in the first place. DAEHOON and LEVI got in that fight, everything blew up, LEVI moved, and then the rest of us just.. Got shelved. Forgotten about. I was pretty much going insane from boredom, so when JAGUAR called up I felt like I couldn’t say yes fast enough. And it might not have been the best decision I’ve ever made, but..” he spread his palms, a sort of ‘what can you do’ motion. “I’m here now, so. Might as well see if I can hold out a bit more.”

With that, he brought his straw up to his lips again and drained the cup of its contents, leaving only the copious amount of ice cubes rattling around inside, before reaching forward and stealing a fry from its paper bag. The face he made after he’d swallowed told me all I needed to know of what he’d thought of it.

“Fuck me, those are awful.”

I attempted to hide the smile of my own by focusing back on my poor excuse of some notes, but it was hard to hold back when the noises of JALEN cracking open the plastic lid of his cup to desperately pop a few ice cubes in his mouth to try and get rid of the lingering aftertaste soon followed. For my last relatively longer question, I had decided to wait until he’d finished crunching through the frozen water to ask. It was only polite.

“If you could say anything—to, you know, all those wannabes, and up-and-comings, or even people who’ve been here just as long as you—what would it be? Some advice, what to and what not to do, I don’t know. Anything you want.”

It’s another one he takes a few seconds to think over, hands now gravitating to the multiple shining silver zippers of his leather jacket. The look on his face could almost be described as something wistful, at the risk of making him sound about twenty years older than he actually was.

“You have to be a bit shitty sometimes,” were his first words, plain and simple. “You can’t really get around that. You’ll get stressed and you’ll snap at your groupmates, or they’ll piss you off and you’ll retaliate, or someone else will be causing problems and you’ll step in. That’s just.. The truth—for me, at least. You can try and say you’re a good person all you want, but when there’s a comeback in a week and half your members have fucked off to go get drunk and the other half are either crying in their room or just doing absolutely fucking nothing—and to top it all off none of them are picking up their phones—then you’re not gonna end up acting like one.”

He was on a roll, clearly spurred on, and I made no move to stop him in his tracks.

“I mean, everyone’s a good person until a certain point, aren’t they? Or, they all still are perfectly good people, but once you’ve crossed a line it’s just so hard to come back from it there’s not really any point in trying. You start a fight once and everyone thinks you’re an argumentative piece of shit who can’t talk it out like an adult. You go out for the night once and everyone thinks you’re a party animal who goes stumbling back your apartment wasted as shit every day of the week. You smoke once, you’re an addict. You mention your childhood once and you’re either fishing for sympathy or think you’re some rich kid lording it over the rest of us. You can’t win, and you might as well just accept that while you can. You might’ve pulled up to your audition with pure intentions, but if you make it through then you’re definitely not going to come out as someone with your morals still intact by the end of it.”

To say I was in awe by the end of his speech would be something of an understatement. While I sat in silence, attempting to process the words that had just been laid upon me, JALEN just polished off the last of his ice and looked blankly into my dumbstruck face, completely unfazed by his own philosophy.

“Can I order another drink?”

I was powerless to do anything but agree.

[tiktaalic]

ive been thinking about. turning in my head. why didnt i like bottoms. well because it was bad. what about it was bad. many such things. but what i'm really being struck by 2nite is how dedicated it is to veering away from earnestness. what! why are you. as a movie. irony poisoned. this thought occurred to me mostly because i started watching theater camp, which is ripe for comparison. ayo and molly gordon in it. writing done by the leads. centers on people who are fuuucking losers. and really what i keep coming back to is that the premise of bottoms is oh we're losers no one likes us because we're ugly and untalented. and then every sentence out of their mouths is like the cruelest thing imaginable? and i know it's satirical but it doesn't feel like a loving informed satire. it feels like a shove a kid on the ground point and laugh satire. vs theater camp. which is about theater kids. starring theater kids who ended up on broadway. and definitely satirizes the various kind of Types you tend to get in that crowd, but it's funny. and people are friends with each other. and like each other. and they're still selfish! and stuck up! and vain! and jealous! but there's so much more there that these are notes of a profile and it's not overwhelming hour thirty of fuck you you're stupid you're a cunt you're ugly i don't like you i hate you. like fundamentally the difference while watching bottoms im like i dont think they hate you for being ugly and annoying i think they hate you for verbally swinging on anyone who ever says hi to you. and theater camp. i go. oh i know the exact phrasing someone would use when they were calling you annoying. because they would think you're annoying for being flamboyant and passionate. or straight and passionate. like it's so. wow this is a long post. tldr. bottoms feels like. i'm not cringe im not cringe said while turning into a corncob. theater camp feels like. dashcon 2012

[saytrrose]

so many thoughtful asks 2nite,,,, anyway whos ur fav dateable npc in stardew :3

Penny is my wife, Shane is my husband but 90% of the time I go for my queer platonic partner Krobus ❤️

[kpodcast]

P1Harmony's Killin' It

First of all, I love P1Harmony; I don't know that many of their songs, but the few I do know I really love ("Doom Du Doom" "Gotta Get Back" "Do It Like This" + some others)! Here are some thoughts on their most recent release Killin' It.

If you have any music suggestions, don't hesitate to reach out! I'd love to listen to your favorite song!

Killin' It I LOVE the opening instrumental, and the way it continues underneath the vocals down an octave and down another octave! I love that lowest octave <3 The instrumental harmonies in the prechorus are so cool sounding! I really like the shouty non-pitched chorus - I know these types of choruses can be a little controversial, but I love the hype they can bring.

Late Night Calls This opening melody is so beautiful, especially with the vocal octaves at 0:19!! The acoustic guitar accompaniment in the prechorus is so pretty. The chorus bumps up into a double time feel, and gives a neat contrast from the verse & prechorus. The spatial sound is SUCH a cool effect (1:57)!

Everybody Clap I love a good subtonic!! The opening line is so fun to listen to. The rising instrumental (almost sounds like a car revving?) under the verse brings tension that gets released so satisfyingly during the prechorus! The opening line comes back in the vocal during the chorus, and I adore that mirroring. The rap @ 1:23 is so good and then they drop the little accent harmonies in there and really take it up a notch! The bridge feels like a calm before the storm: it's lower energy, but has rising lines in the background that build tension, which makes the vocal line of the chorus an incredible arrival point.

Love Story A sweet lil love song <3!!! The melody of the chorus starting in a beautifully controlled higher register and then ending all the way DOWN in that low low register for the final "love story" is so moving! And how often do we hear idols sing that low? And then they use that low voice to end the song! I've got goosebumps..

Countdown To Love I loved the vibe of this song from the first second. And 0:22 really cemented that love. The style changes, the bass line changes from following the chord progression to a simple descending line, and the percussion simplifies a lot as well. It's a moment of negative audio space, and it's a cool backing for the rap verses. Something similar happens at the bridge - without the descending bass line, and is a nice break from the upbeat driving force of the rest of the song.

Emergency The face I made when I first heard this was so ugly (in a good way. yknow... stank face?). I love vocal slide at the end of "emergenCY". The break at 1:15 for "beep-beep" is a really cool interest point, the instrumental has been such a pushing, driving force, and just. full stops in a hard cut.

2Nite This song isn't so in-your-face driving like the last two songs, but it still has a lot of energy. It's just more laid back. That bass + face first verse is a classic way to build a tune up in jazz; super cool to hear it in kpop! I love the stop time at hold up (1:36), it's more subtle than the break in "Emergency" but no less cool. the minimal drums throughout works really well to give the song a sense of moving forward, but it's subtle; the song is very bass driven.

Let Me Love You Yet another incredible bass line from p1basslines. This one slaps (literally. it's slap bass, right?). I love the way this opening bass line hints at the melody of the hook, and later is played in full after the final chorus under the outro vocals. The prechorus slows down with a half time feel, and then the vocal melody of the chorus match the bass line. The post chorus brings back that half time feel leading back into the verse. The end of the bridge into the last chorus is a WOAH moment for me - it delays the chorus with an instrumental moment that takes from the melody of the song.

Street Star The vibes of this remind me of an illegal street race. The instrumental is so busy with the trap hi-hat and a synth melody, but it's not distracting from the vocals. I love the bass line in the prechorus (can't you see racecars speeding by while you listen to that?). The style change at 2:03 is incredible, and only lasts for ten seconds. It lays back so far into the pocket, but seamlessly returns to the other style. I wish it lasted for longer! I also wish we had more of that instrumental bit at the very end of the song.

I See U this is my favorite from the album <3 The opening melody is so catchy and beautiful. The synth chord pads, and the breaks in the melody for the melodic synth fills are so good. The break at 0:58 gives such a cool emphasis to that section, especially because it doesn't happen in the other choruses! All the ad libs at the end of the song are so tasty! I cannot say enough good things about this song!!

[wavernot4love]

hello wanted 2 talk about a bunch of fun things from Thursday first show of War All The Time tour 2nite at the Town Ballroom in Buffalo (this will include setlist spoilers)

(starting with a random little video of title track, the rest of it is in the keep reading thingy)

- TURNPIKE DIVIDES FOR THE LAST SONG??? they let her see the light of day!!! i am probably the only person who has heard her at 2/3 of the thursday sets they have seen /lh

- geoff took the piss out of victory records for not paying bands while talking about how i'll be you & jbny are mirrors of each other then played them back to back (also described jbny as their heaviest song.... correct!!!)

- crowd was GREAT. great pits, surfing vibes, actually hell, vibes were just great all around.

- make sure you get there early so you can catch both many eyes & rival schools (steve (thursday) actually played for rival schools today which was cool). i thoroughly enjoyed both sets, and tonight honestly made me a fan of many eyes as a project. i wasn't sure what to expect receptionwise from a buffalo crowd [insert every time i die lore] but everyone showed up for keith (buckley, former singer of etid)/them. i also thought he/they did great, and he seemed genuinely humbled. also saw him around after the show, bro was loading out merch so i didn't wanna bother him, but yeah, dude seemed chill. really enjoyed the songs as well, i'll be spinning them and staying tuned for future releases for sure.

- between that set, everyone just feeling like a true community all night, & a cameo from a local scene legend (if you know hardcore, the singer of terror/buried alive was watching sidestage all show, keith shouted him out hahaha), let's just say i felt like how i'd imagine patriotic americans feel when they hear the national anthem, but the western new yorker edition.

- between rupture and rapture & division st. were probably my favorite non big singles. so great to hear watt in full dude and the crowd was very engaged the whole time

- one thing that really sucks is geoff explained as they came out that pretty much all their instruments randomly got stolen right before they left for tour, so they were a little panicky and stuff but basically, nothing was gonna stop them from having a good time in buffalo (paraphrased). apparently when they were sorting out the tour routing a while back someone told them they should start in toronto but they were like, nah dude, we want to start in buffalo. back to my western ny patriotism analogy, i see. anyways, now that's what i call resilience. they put on a great performamce with such great energy, you can tell this is a band that truly loves doing this whole thing. support the guys extra hard this run.

- as the opening bit of understanding started i looked back at the carnage going on in the giant pit that was open at the moment and had to just. smile at That being a moment people were crowdkilling each other to /lh

- i brought my (digital) point & shoot and shot from the crowd! very stoked on those as i was quite close all show, will update with those once i edit em! will probably also be posting a review kinda thing on my site/ziney thing once i get that back up and published

- one final thing that haunts me is the wonder of what geoff was talking about here in this instagram story post from earlier. i even stuck around after the show (which ended around 10:30) in case... i don't know, thursday were to fly out of some sort of confetti cannon at 11 pm sharp, i have no idea, dude. someday i will ask geoff about Minds Blown - 11.00pm

anyway, every time i've seen thursday this past year of having the joy of really knowing their music (i'd heard of them of course just through being in the scene for years, but had just never listened then) thursdayband has come 2 mean more and more to me and i truly hope they never stop playing together as long as it makes them happy <3