#many thoughts head too full

[zhonglicious]

cw. size kink, breeding kink, oral (f. receiving), fingering (f. receiving), implied overstimulation, lmk if i forgot any!

"c'mon baby, gimme one more."

he groans, lips pressed against your clit and your legs over his shoulders. one of his hands is occupied with fingering you, the pads of his ring and middle fingers massaging the spot he knows drives you insane.

his cock is just too big for you, and he has to make you cum at least once just so he can finally put it in. not that he's complaining, of course. he loves making you cum on his tongue and the feeling of your hands pulling at his hair, almost as much as he loves the feeling of your cunt around his cock. almost.

when he finally thinks you're ready, it takes all his willpower not to just slide all of it in immediately. you're so wet, folds easily parting and letting him in. but he can't. he knows he's big and he doesn't want to hurt you but god, is it fucking hard to hold back when he can feel the way your cunt is sucking him in.

slowly, inch by inch, he manages to sheath himself fully and oh, god... his head is spinning with the whimper you make as the head nudges against your sweet spot, your eyes glossy with tears because it just feels so good. he wants to give you a few seconds or minutes to adjust. really, he does.

but when you gasp and tell him "s' so big..." while you press against your lower stomach and look up at him with hearts in your eyes... all his patience and restraint goes out the window because he can't think of anything else other than stuffing you full of his cum.

sighhh. big men who try to be patient and gentle but still end up making you sore with how much they want to fuck a baby into you.

BAJI, draken, TAIJU, kakucho, mucho, daichi, USHIJIMA, KUROO, iwaizumi, kunigami, + any of ur favs!!

[willowser]

bakugou watches the news while washing the dishes.

muted, because he wouldn't be able to hear the weatherman over the faucet, anyway, and his brow is furrowed in concentration — at both his hands and the forecast for next week. behind him on the stove the kettle warms and you eye it lazily, jumping back and forth from it to the way bakugou's muscles shift beneath his shirt as he scrubs.

sometimes it amazes you, the strength he's built within his body — the broad span of his shoulders as he rolls them, sleeves almost too tight for his biceps, and the rest of the material hangs loose on his body, swaying off his tiny waist as he swaps weight from one foot to the other — but you know it hasn't come easy; even now, from where you're sitting, the heavy, pink scarring on his cheek is visible when he tips his head down.

you stand quietly, shuffling across the tile of the kitchen until you're close enough to wrap your arms around him. bakugou says nothing as you press your cheek into his back, only peeking over his shoulder when you press a gentle kiss into his soft cotton tee.

"thank you for spoiling me," you murmur, nuzzling further into him when you receive only a grunt, one you feel more than hear. "the food was really good, sweetie-pea."

the silly name makes him snort and he shakes his head when you hum, amused. dinner has made you full and tired and you lean a little further into him than you maybe should, though if he minds at all, he doesn't show it. instead he just sighs, breath stuttering when you slip your hands under the loose material to gently run over his stomach. just like you, he's soft, a tummy full of food, but it's not long before his abdomen is contracting, muscles suddenly tight under your touch.

you laugh quietly into his shoulder, holding back the urge to bite him. "are you flexing, tough guy?"

"shuddup," he grumbles, shifting his weight once more. "...bein' fuckin' touchy."

at that you inch closer, now purposely much too in his space — and yet he still doesn't push you away. around his shoulder, you watch him run a soapless plate under the water for almost two minutes before his focus returns and he moves on, and then you do bite him, because you can't help it.

bakugou hisses and jerks away when your teeth sink into his bicep, flushed face made more obvious as he turns to glare down at you. before he can get a word in, you kiss him in the center of his chest, over the scars of his heart, and offer him a sweet smile.

"love you,"

his eyes dart away on instinct, embarrassed, but he's been working on his vulnerability; his lips twist once before he's pressing them into your hairline, leaning back against you in return as the kettle starts to squeal.

"drink your tea, woman," he grunts, nuzzling into you the tiniest bit before letting you free. "love you, too."

[avephelis]

mutant cass is the creature that lives in my brain

[seventh-district]

Making Incorrect H:SR Quotes Until I Run Out of (hopefully) Original Ideas - Pt. 4 - Nuthin' but Boothill Edition

[Pt. 1] [Pt. 2] [Pt. 3] [Pt. 5] [Pt. 6]

[sangpires]

astarion does the talking in my party...

[i-am-not-a-who-i-am-a-what]

so about the header that proceeded today's statement:

Viability as agent: Low

Viability as subject: None

Viability as catalyst: Medium

i didn't know what to think of this part of the entry at first, but the longer the statement went on... was the institute in this universe trying to manufacture avatars?

the dice can't do anything without someone to use them, they can't be an "agent" by themselves, but might be capable of manipulation, so in that aspect their viability is "low."

the dice could be a "subject" in the sense that they could use further studying, but the statement itself was a very thorough investigation of their workings, so in that aspect their viability is "none."

the dice seem to influence their holder to roll them, or at least find more victims to roll them, and could therefore be described as a "catalyst" for someone's becoming. but, as seen in the statement, their owner can give the dice to someone else (albeit not without consequences), so in that aspect their viability is only "medium."

so what about the line following all this, what does "Recommend referral to Catalytics for Enrichment applicability assessment" mean? if we go by this interpretation, i'd say it could mean the institute wanted to find a way to make the dice even more potent as an artifact, maybe even remove that pesky ability for their owner to reject them.

imho all of this this brings a whole new level of context to the events of episode seven, of unknown violent agents going after an influx of objects that seemed straight out of artifact storage. was that the nature of the titular "magnus protocol" first mentioned in episode four, the one that involved the starkwall group? containing or destroying potential artifacts before the institute could get their hands on them?

it also makes their "gifted kids program," and sam's link to it as one of the kids being studied, all the more horrifying to think about. was it not just avatars in general they were after, but child avatars specifically? no wonder gertrude got so defensive over the possibility of sam and celia dragging gerry back into the institute's business last episode, we all picked up on her clearly knowing more than she's letting on but now we might know the shape of that information a bit better.

and one final bit of food for thought... this statement had a lot of familiar themes, didn't it? free will or the illusion of it, gambling and not-so-random chance, the statement giver being done in by one final hit from what feels like a bit of an addition... all hallmarks of a certain mother of puppets. doesn't it seem fitting that "chester" would use this kind of statement to warn sam about what harm pursuing the magnus institute could bring to him, considering the one his voice might draw from? and doesn't it seem so painfully ironic that his warning seems to have only driven sam further into that web?

[et-in-arkadia]

i can’t stop thinking about how

-aziraphale still has no idea that crowley went to heaven when aziraphale was in danger, risking his entire existence by walking directly into the belly of the, well, angelic beehive

-aziraphale doesn’t know what crowley learned there: that gabriel was judged and cast out for vetoing the final world-and-time-stopping extinction-level event, “armageddon the sequel,” and that the metatron was part of the trial that punished gabriel

-crowley warns aziraphale that heaven will end life on earth, but he doesn’t explain how he knows that. aziraphale thinks he can make a difference because he isn’t aware that there’s already a specific, catastrophic plan in motion. even when crowley implies heaven will be up to no good for humanity, it then becomes more imperative for aziraphale, rather than less, that he go to heaven to act as a mitigating and tempering force (because aziraphale is—lest we forget—“the soft one who still believes in magic and people being basically good and all that”)

-from everything aziraphale knows from his perspective, he’s making the right decision to help a heaven bent on ushering in a new age. he doesn’t have crowley’s side of the story, and crowley never gives it to him

-a simple “i went to heaven masquerading as an angel to save you and there learned that gabriel was cast out after his apparent love for a demon caused him to try and thwart impending total destruction” could’ve gone a long way but it’s also very clear neither of them are listening in the final scene because they’re both so anxious to be the one heard

[atomicradiogirl]

house md (2004-2012)

[lousydrawingsforgoodpeople]

[average-hua-cheng-fan]

on hua cheng's morality and self esteem

on my first read of the book, i was actually convinced that hua cheng was this amoral asshole but that's just what he WANTS you to think. hua cheng actually cares a lot about ghost city (founded to combat the injustice of ghost persecution btw), he just downplays his achievements in front of xie lian because he doesn't want to 'trick' him into liking him. he also sees any accomplishments as a direct result of dianxia's influence so it would be wrong to take credit for them. perhaps hundreds of years of playing the part of the terrible calamity skewed his perception of himself even further.

in his introduction in heaven, they say how he would "Sometimes... carry out a massacre in cold blood, and sometimes he would do odd acts of kindness" (page 157, book 1) which makes me wonder what heaven defines as "cold blood." he visibly dislikes the man who bet his daughter's life and mentions killing several tyrants. in creating e'ming, he nearly destroyed himself in order to save those mortals. on the casino in ghost city, "If I don’t control a place like this, then someone else will. I’d rather that person be me." (page 107, book 2.) he has a very strong sense of justice that he hides under 3 million layers of arrogance.

xie lian gets the ability to tell if he is lying early in the book and sees him for who he really is. they're very similar in that they have this drive to do good in the world but think about it and go about it in very different ways. hua cheng even mentions that it doesn't matter how you go about saving the common people, and that xie lian over-complicates what is right and wrong and should do what he wants... but he wouldn't turn that logic on himself :/

anyway

**this is my reading btw if anybody wants to have a discussion im 100% down

[absolutely-not-my-main-blog]

[allerod]

right so you know how hugh laurie said house and wilson are like butch cassidy and the sundance kid? and you know how in the movie butch and sundance die together, only it actually ends before that can happen. but everyone Knows, they have put themselves in a situation where that's the only possible result, they are shot and already dying and they go out there one final time, facing unbeatable odds, Together. so you know, not unlike house and wilson at the very end, nice comparison there hugh. only he said it in 2008. the interview run at the beginning of season 5. he couldnt have know, could he. there's no way they had the ending planned so far in advance right. he compared them to this famous classic hollywood queercoded friends couple and he didn't even know how correct he was

[astrolavas]

So, I have a theory that at the end of Thanks to Them when Hunter absorbed Flapjack (that’s the best word I can think of but you get it) he also gained Flapjack’s powers and to use them he turns into a similar form to Harpy Eda I thought that would be cool but what’s your opinion?

yeahhh, it's a popular theory and i'm 👁👁 !

tbh i feel like what is CERTAIN is that flapjack is a part of hunter now and we're definitely... gonna see more of him, in some form. i can imagine that he's a part of hunter's mindscape (similarly to how palismen consumed by belos were a part of his mindscape, except in this case flapjack willingly sacrificed himself; so i imagine his experience would be pleasant: being able to exist in his favorite boy's mind knowing this sacrifice saved his life, as opposed to being tormented by having your soul trapped in your killer's head... oof), especially when we take this crew member's ig post into consideration:

"For Flapjack... See you in our memories." AND IT'S?????? a mystical-looking forest, flapjack's (empty) staff stick, and (hunter's?) hooty mask? okay...... OKAY. i see what you're doing....

flapjack being a part of hunter's mindscape is also a way for us to get an actual look into the past, cuz we still haven't seen what happened between caleb, philip and evelyn directly (we have an idea thanks to, for example, all the hollow mind paintings, but what they showed us in the last episode and how they showed it to us makes me think they're definitely setting it up to fully reveal what happened sometime in the next episodes). so i think hunter is going to get a look into flapjack's memories, since they're literally connected now, and he's gonna see what exactly happened with caleb, philip and evelyn (that's how he's gonna find out clawthornes are descendants of caleb as well), from flapjack's pov. (hoping that if we enter his mindscape, then we also get some more direct look into hunter's past and some of his pre-canon memories 🕯🕯🕯 but like, we're definitely seeing some of flapjack's imo, that's for sure)

so.. tbh what i wonder is..... what's next.

we do know that grief is one of the main themes of season 3 (or, even the owl house as a whole). we're shown different ways grief can manifest and diff ways it can be approached.... luz, camila, darius, flapjack, even belos in a way..... hm. and now hunter.

luz and camila lost manny and we see it's affected them a LOT. we see this grief throughout luz's character journey, throughout camila's too. we see how painful this loss was... but they've also dealt with it in a rather healthy way. they carried on and got better, and even though they're forever going to miss him, they went on with their lives and adapted to that loss. and luz got azura from her dad and read it thanks to him, and now part of this big special interest of her also comes from and reminds her of her dad's love. and it's sooo so 🤲

we see that darius cared abt and respected his mentor a lot, to the point where he thought hunter wasn't worthy to be the next golden guard and was taking that feeling out on him, thinking he didn't deserve to inherit such title after his mentor had died. (hoping we see them talk abt the mentor and other golden guards in the next eps tbh cuz.... come on, they have a lot to talk abt still.)

belos.......... it's hard to call it a typical grief but it IS in some way, maybe has even been since the moment he saw caleb with that witch, cuz that's when he died in his eyes. this grief manifested into almost an obsession, where he keeps re-making caleb over and over, obsessed with the idea of them being witch hunters together, wanting to make a version of his brother that wouldn't "betray" him even though that's sth that is always always ALWAYS going to happen, it's inevitable. refusing to let it go and spiraling more and more... HM.

and now there's.......... hunter. hunter who already went through so so much, and who just lost his best friend, someone he loved the most. hunter who definitely feels guilty, but he also knows it was BELOS' doing, and he wants belos to pay for what he's done. hunter who.. was finally FINALLY happy, yet had all of his happiness taken away just like that. hunter who knows flapjack sacrificed his own life so that HE can live, and that he's forever going to be with him; his palisman soul.. but also the memories they made together. hunter who's clearly so so shattered, but trying not to focus on that pain he's feeling, cuz then he'd completely break. hunter who's angry at belos, who isn't going to rest until he gets some justice for flap. hunter who's going to have to go through this grief and loss... just.

there are so many ways his grief can be approached. especially comparing it to other characters' ways of dealing with grief, especially belos'..... showing how unhealthy holding on to sth we've lost might be.. showing acceptance of loss, a healthy way of letting go... showing that even if someone is gone, they're still going to be with us forever.... showing the anger and the feeling of unfairness that often accompany the feeling of grief.......... hm.

so i feel..... there are a few things that can happen.

the probably saddest but realistic scenario is that... hunter gets to have a final goodbye with flapjack. he gets to talk to him, gets to find out what he's been hiding from him, he gets to experience flapjack's love again and build a happy last memory for the future. and then.. flapjack is gone. and it's sad as HELL.. but promising for the future, cuz then hunter can healthily move on with his life. he can keep on, feeling less guilty, less heart-broken, with a happy last flapjack memory to accompany him. it's.... extremely sad, but when it comes to losing someone..... having that chance, to say goodbye, to have your last memory with a person you love be a happy, full-filling one, it can do wonders for grief. it doesn't make the loss hurt any less ofc but..... it makes you feel like you can go on, like there's no "unfinished business" weighing down on your heart. 

the other still rather sad scenario is that yes, they do talk, etc. etc. but flapjack DOES stay with hunter forever, as a part of him. i'd say it's bittersweet, cuz then flapjack IS alive, in a way, he's not gone, he's forever able to communicate with hunter, he remains by his side til the very end. 

sth abt flapjack having been alive for hundreds of years, all alone, but then finally finding a new person to love, and deciding to sacrifice his own life in order to save that person, deciding to stay with that person forever. it's so— OUHHGHHGGG. there's this bittersweetness here cuz then hunter doesn't lose flapjack, not completely. but he's still..... gone in a form that hunter would prefer. flapjack's with him but they can no longer fly together. he's never gonna tuck hunter in after he falls asleep reading a book in the middle of the night anymore. he's not going to tug on his hairstrand or annoy him (cutely). he's never going to race with other birds or catch an early rattle-worm anymore, he's never gonna sing in the morning. and it's SAD, it's extremely sad and tragic and.. sad. but he's with him, so it's also sweet. and it works as (a bit more literal but..) a metaphor of "even when you lose someone, they can live on in your heart, and in your memories". but... ouch.

there's also the theory that hunter may find a way to carve flapjack back, since he has his soul inside of him (and maybe it's "extractable" somehow??), has expressed the want to learn how to carve palismen, and eda does have that palistrom seed, and he might have to talk with clawthornes anyway (since he is gonna find out they're.. kinda sorta related, and i feel like the clawthornes would like to know abt that too so jxjsk). 

one of the big enigmas of that scenario, though, is the question: "how would he go around doing it?" would he carve him out identical? would he give him a new shape, a completely new form? or would it be a completely “new” palisman but with a bit of flapjack’s loving soul inside? would hunter form “flapjack” with a new "goal"/"intention" in mind? since they previously bonded by hunter's shared-with-flapjack desire to be free and able to make his own choices, so... . AND, if flapjack could just be carved back out like that, wouldn't his sacrifice feel.... more weak/kinda worthless in the end? this just feels a bit too easy but... HM. i can’t imagine it would be easy, though. there’s always sth that’d make it a challenge, and tbh.. even if it wasn’t, at this point hunter DESERVES to have sth good happen to him, even if unrealistic or “too easy”, but yeah. that’s what makes me wonder if they’d go for this writing choice.

.....there’s also the fact that “re-making”/”bringing back” someone you’d lost is exactly what belos has been doing, albeit in a very different way and with very different intentions, but with a similar end goal, so i could see them going for a contrasty parallel here; never moving on from someone’s death vs acceptance of loss. however, on the other hand, belos also never cared abt any of the golden guards, he wasn’t bringing “caleb” back out of love. so i COULD also see the contrasting scenario in which hunter would be able to bring back flapjack, but because he’d do it out of love for him, it’d be a genuine second chance in life, a successful happy ending. sth belos could never even realistically achieve, because he’d only cared abt himself and his own forced vision of what he and “caleb” (the idealised version of his brother that he had in his head) would do together, not abt what the actual caleb (or hunter, or any of the previous grimwalkers) actually wanted or who they actually were; he couldn’t care less abt that. so yEAH, this specific idea has so many “what if”s and “what about”s, narratively it could either work or not, depending on what direction they decide to go with hunter’s grief but...... HM. yeah.

i’ve also seen ppl propose that flapjack sacrificing himself for hunter and “merging with him” gave him some actual magic and made him like a “full witch”, spell circles and all; and.. that'd be awful actually, sure hope the crew didn't go there. i’ve talked abt it before but, in general, hunter's arc as a powerless "witch" works as a strong disability metaphor. and it's just...... it's about acceptance, it's about finding self-worth, it's about accommodating your needs, it’s about becoming proud and comfortable in your identity, NOT.... about whatever the hell him actually permanently getting witch magic would be; it’d be a “fixing disability” trope, which is just..... bad. awful. so, so wrong for so many reasons. sure hope they didn’t go there cuz that'd be so pointless and take away so much importance from his arc.... but also i don’t think they’d do sth like this?? because eda’s arc (which serves as another disability metaphor) is written well and with care; they didn’t cure her curse or give her her magic back, so.. i doubt they’d give hunter magic, either. but, y’know, just to be safe and clear. (also, even symbolism aside, i don’t think hunter (who’s already made of palistrom wood) absorbing a palisman’s soul/magic/energy would result in... him becoming a “real witch” and being able to create spell circles, like? 😭😭 i doubt it’d work that way)

NOW, him getting some grimwalker-specific features/abilities unlocked, though? OR even being able to just do flapjack’s teleporty thing? that could work. him getting at least something nice out of this whole situation, still having flapjack with him, without having the metaphor behind his character erased, would be soooo nice.

now, as for harpy hunter! 

it honestly makes a lot of sense too. belos, having consumed palismen, gained his whole..... y’know, goo form, which is a clear indication that absorbing palisman magic/having palismen as a part of your mindscape may change you physically. the way he’d gone about it, though, is he consumed many, MANY different palismen, and he literally..... sucked magic out of each one of them, after killing them. so i imagine that if hunter were to gain his own palisman-based form, it’d be more similar to eda’s harpy form rather than belos’ goo form, because it’d be based on flapjack only (rather than an amalgamation of all these different creatures) AND it wouldn’t have come from, y’know, sucking literal life out of poor little creatures, but from a loving friend’s willing sacrifice. à propos harpy eda, too, her harpy form obviously came from her facing her curse, bonding with the owl beast and accepting it as a part of her; so it feels like if hunter were to get a harpy form, obviously he wouldn’t have to “accept” flapjack (like that’s his little darling baby, that’s his bestie, that’s his sweet little bird), but he would probably have to deal with something in order for that to happen. the mechanics is different but.. in both instances, the “creature” (the owl beast and flapjack) inside of them is a part of them, exists in their mind (most likely/somewhat), and they’re able to somehow communicate with them and feel their presence (in hunter’s case it’s not confirmed but we may speculate that’s the case, based on what we saw in the last episode post-flapjack’s-death), so the mechanics also is sort of similar. different, yet... not.

so, in all technicality, it seems like harpy/red cardinal form hunter WOULD make sense, from the magical pov. it goes along with the logic of how some other characters’ different “monster” forms originate. although, the rules aren’t very set in stone, each of these situations is its own unique thing, so in the end it all just depends on (again) what direction the crew decides to go in.

however, the thing that makes me hmmmm about it is, i’m not sure if they'd.. implement the same metaphor as they did with eda, y'know? like, her curse and harpy form function as this whole symbolism of living with a chronic illness/disability, so hmmm would they go for the exact same conclusion/endgame with hunter? especially with the grief motif of season 3? not sure, not sure. they MIGHT though, who knows.

........there’s another thing that makes me think it MAY happen, though, and it’s like. hunter has this cursed tendency to say things that'll later come to haunt him in the MOST ironic way, like this boy literally projects on people in the most random ways and manifests every single unfortunate thing left and right, and i just 😭😭

"ew why are you touching it with your hands?" *touches a suspicious-looking substance with his finger with a FRESH OPEN WOUND on it and gets possessed* “because none of you can use real magic" *is magicless* “you don't tend to think things through, do you, human?" *never thinks things through* *is also technically partially human* "hello criminals" *becomes a criminal* "these things are made of wild magic, it’s dangerous" *is literally a grimwalker made of the same wild magic, like literally the same type of wood as palismen* LIKE..... BOY.   STOP SAYING THINGS. IT NEVER ENDS WELL.

so i just. 

that damn “at least i'm not delusional enough to think i can turn into a harpy" line is absolutely hysterical to me, cuz if he DOES end up being able to turn into a harpy, then......... 😭😭😭😭😭 look. a throwback to this line, a callback to this line.. it’d be so funny.

but yEAH.

there’s one more thing that makes me wonder abt where this all is going and it’s, like. flapjack basically counted as hunter’s support animal/disability aid. for someone powerless, having palisman while living in a world based around magic is... EXTREMELY helpful. hunter can’t fly without flapjack, he can’t play flyer derby without him (something he expressed he’d like to continue doing), he can’t teleport..

so, does he get a new palisman? because... there’s very little time for us to get attached to it and to kinda.. get to know it, if that’s the case. and also flapjack is still a part of hunter, so. hm. (unless that changes too, but. GAH) i feel like he loves flapjack so much, it’d be hard for hunter to replace him. he’d definitely feel so so happy being able to create palismen for others, or just for the sake of creating life, but creating a new one for himself.. that might be hard.  or does he get another artificial staff? because that is a thing that represents hunter’s time at the coven, time before he bonded to flapjack, before he realized wild magic is not, in fact, dangerous at all. so hm..... OR does he indeed get flapjack’s teleporting ability?? or the ability to turn into a harpy, and that replaces the use of a palisman? (+ starts using glyph magic) could he play flyer derby like that? i suppose he could..... i hope so. or does he not replace flapjack with anything, because he spends most of his time in the human realm? 

LIKE, IT’S JUST. GAHHHH. hunter... :(

i’m sure there’s gonna be lots of grief-related themes, some anger, some acceptance, some sadness, some justice, and finally some happiness in the end, something hunter deserves and needs just... so, so much. he deserves to heal, he deserves to be HAPPY. but it’s still just..... gonna hurt a lot first. 

there’s honestly so many ways this can go and so many things that can happen, so........ yeah. hm. thinking.

[crybaby-bkg]

cw: mention of previous abuse, dad Dabi, mom reader, mention of childbirth, angst

new dad touya that doesn’t know how to deal with his son. he’s growing too fast and his smiles are so big, but he’s still not sure how to just be with him.

touya isn’t abusive in the slightest, not like his shit for brains dad. he can acknowledge, after you’ve drilled it into his head on cold nights where you had to hold his quivering cheeks in your hand, that he’s better. that he’s trying. that he’s a great dad.

he doesn’t really believe it. it’s hard to believe that he’s a great dad when his son, still covered in that fresh newborn smell, stares up at him with matching azure blue eyes, the little shit, and he finds it hard to smile back. it’d be easier to smile back if he could guarantee a life with no trauma, with the perfect pair of parents, that he’d love him as much as his tiny little face deserved.

touya can still hear the labor and delivery nurse tell him that he must’ve gotten on your nerves for the baby to look so much like him, and that they’ve never seen a baby that fresh out the womb smile so big at their dad. he hands the little bundle back to you, and glares at the nurse who hands him a tissue. he takes it anyway.

touya loves his son. so goddamn much that it hurts, but, he doesn’t know how to be a dad. and he knows that you don’t know how to be a mom either, that it’s a learning process for the both of you. but he’s so scared—he’s terrified that he’ll fuck up this innocent brat with his ruin. with his scars and history and the want to better but never knowing how to just be.

so he leaves. it’s the day after your sons first birthday that you celebrated together in your home.

you thought everything was okay, that he was starting to get the hang of being a dad. he did everything right, why couldn’t he stay? he sat on the floor with your son and changed his diaper and made him giggle those addicting baby giggles? he carried your son everywhere whenever he cried after being sat down without a single complaint? he helped him open his birthday presents? he didn’t smash the cake in his face, only swiped a little icing on his sons nose to hear that addicting baby giggle? he held your son like he could never let him go?

how could he just go like this? you thought he was finally learning and accepting how to be a dad? what happened?

[jacks347]

I was relistening to Vincent when a thought occurred to me. Well, a series of thoughts.

Do you think Lovely was scared when Vincent turned them at the Inversion because for a split second it reminded them of Adam?

Do you think Lovely refuses to drink from another person because they know what it's like to be drank from until it nearly killed you?

Do you think Lovely ever has nightmares and despises what they've become because they fear they've turned into the monster that tortured them?

Do you think Lovely regrets the choice they made?

Do you think if they could go back and redo their decision that they would change it?

Do you think Vincent has these thoughts too?

[rqg179]

holy shit did kipperlilly kill buddy so that if kristen died no one would be able to bring her back and the only member of the church of cassandra would be gone