#marine biologist george

[dingbatnix]

Scales

So! This is my thing for mermay! I read @baka-monarch 's little prompt thing (and I totally haven't been sitting on this partially-wtitten fic for several years, nope, not at all xD) and decided I needed to write it : D

So, enjoy!

Word count: 3,166

Warnings: small mention of blood, bare skin (cmon it's mermaids) ect.

Each individual muscle was at least three times as big as he was. George had long since lost his journal, but even if he still had it, he didn't think he would have been able to write anything down. He felt too…too in awe to properly note down data and theories as he traversed the alternating slopes of the frankly massive abs.

The mer's laugh, a deep, powerful thing, knocked George off balance. He wobbled, and when the giant began cackling harder at his predicament, finally fell down onto his chest. The brunette flushed, scowling deeply as he planted his hands on tanned flesh and pushed himself to his knees. The ground-shaking laughter of the mer had George's arms too unsteady to rise back upright, though, and he couldn't stop falling. His face burned in embarrassment.

Two massive fingers appeared and plucked up the tail of his brown leather coat, lifting the human into the air and re-settling him onto his feet nearer to the mer's head, on his sternum. The motions of each and every breath was more notable from George's new location, and he had to throw his arms out, again, to keep from tumbling back down to the gradually swelling ground.

George felt the displacement of air as the long, leviathan-like tail of the mer curled up from the roiling ocean waves and came roaring back down with a massive crash of the salty sea spray. He stumbled from the rush of movement that rippled throughout the colossal body underneath his feet, and, with a frown creasing his lips, George decided to settle down, cross legged, so he wouldn't have so many embarrassing moments of unbalance.

"So what's a little human like you got in the books for me today?" The mer's voice rumbled deep beneath George's crossed legs, and the volume of it had his head snapping up to try and meet the mer's eyes.

"Erm," George blanked as he caught the mer's deep, amber gaze. There were little flecks of brown and gold swimming in those pool-sized irises, and George could swear that he saw his own reflection in those dark, mirror-like slit pupils.

He was jolted out of the alluring sight when the mer blinked, eyes lidding halfway as he scrutinized the human in return. A small smile curled at the edges of his lips, wrinkling his short, flattish nose and crinkling up at the corners of the mer’s eyes.

George blinked rapidly, tearing his gaze away from the mer’s face to peer behind himself, at the supposedly bright green fishtail making up the lower half of the giant. Each scale was almost as big as his entire body, and the tail was at least sixty meters long. And, crazily enough, that estimation wasn’t even counting the length of the mer’s torso. All together, George thought the mer was about ninety meters long in total, or about three hundred feet, but he hadn’t found an instrument big enough to measure his full height. Either way, the mer was massive, truly one of the top predators residing in the ocean.

George cleared his throat, remembering that the mer had asked him a question. "Scale composition. But, Dream, I lost my journal. You made me drop it!" He jabbed an accusing finger up at the blond, turning back to glare up at those amused eyes. George wasn’t actually that upset about it, of course, it had been a new, blank journal, and he had dozens of them at home. It was more of the principle of the matter, that he had lost it while visiting the mer. He could not let that become a habit.

The mer let loose another small laugh, bringing a huge, clawed finger nearer to George to gently brush over the biologist's head. Dream's movements were too fast for George to dodge, so he settled for swatting at the pitted skin of the fingertip with a scowl.

"It would have probably helped," Dream murmured, a note of teasing delight coloring his tone. "If you hadn't been oogling me the whole time you were supposed to be 'researching.' You wouldn't have dropped it, then."

The mer was full on grinning, now, a lopsided, snarky thing that exposed his harpoon-sharp fangs to the coastal sunlight. The long, rugged scar bridging across his nose was warped with the expression, and briefly, the brunette wondered what kind of dangers resided under the ocean waves that could give a mer as enormous as Dream a scar.

He flushed again, scowl deepening as he turned his gaze away from the teasing, cheshire grin and instead inspected the distant sand dunes of the beach, far below his seat on the mer’s chest. “Well, it’s not my fault you’re a marvel of scientific discovery,” he murmured, trying to will away the heat he knew was decorating his cheeks.

The body underneath him tensed, and then fingers appeared behind George to pinch the edge of his coat again, plucking him up from his seat without any other warning. George yelped, scrambling for the rapidly receding ground before crossing his arms over his chest, afraid of slipping out of his jacket as he was lifted higher and higher into the air.

Dream moved suddenly, the behemoth rolling over from his back onto his chest, carefully keeping George high above his colossal movements. George held back a displeased whimper, curling his legs up closer to his body as he was dangled and swung dozens of feet above the ground. If he fell, it might not kill him, he’d be landing on sand, after all, but at the very least he would break something important.

He swallowed, trying to distract himself as the immense creature settled down to lay on his front. George’s eyes wandered to the rippling musculature underneath the mer's skin as he moved, and despite himself, a small grin slipped over his lips. It truly was amazing, how a creature as large as Dream was could survive in the ocean. He still wasn’t sure what Dream ate (he hadn’t quite worked up the nerve to ask, the stories of man-eating sirens and mermaids prevalent in his mind) but he was sure the mer had a carnivorous diet.

George was suddenly hurtling down towards the sandy ground at breakneck speeds, and he couldn't help the terrified shout that escaped from his throat. He slammed his eyes shut, a rush of nausea squirming through his gut and crawling up his spine.

The heavy motions surrounding him stopped, and the toes of his dangling converse bumped against something rough. George blinked his eyes open to find an expanse of tanned, leathery skin splayed out beneath his body. He glanced around, finding that it was Dream’s other hand, vast palm upturned against the sand.

Hesitantly, George stretched out his legs and planted his feet against the pliable skin. The fingers pinched around the back of his jacket released, freeing George to move on his own two legs. Around him, the mer's fingers curled inwards, almost closing George in on all sides by massive, column-esque fingers and long stretches of webbed flesh.

George glanced up at Dream’s looming figure, a questioning expression decorating his face. Long, sea-debris tangled blond hair tumbled down over the mer's shoulders and framed his fine cheekbones. A sharp smile decorated his lips, flashing pointed fangs against the midday light. The hand that had held the human had moved away to prop itself underneath the mer's chin, and the huge, webbed fins on the side of his head where ears would be on a human were twitching in unison.

In the distance behind the looming slope of the mer's shoulders, George could see the lemon yellow shine of Dream's colossal tail as it flicked up to what seemed like hundreds of feet into the air. The vast, sail-like fin tipping the end of the immense appendage flexed casually against the sky, blotting out the sun in the brief few moments it hung in the air. Then, it fell, and there was a far-off boom as it crashed back down into the ocean waves, one that George could feel in his very core.

It was always very humbling to be in the presence of a creature so massive that a wayward breath or an unthinking movement could have you dead, with very little thought or consequence to the behemoth before you. It was even more humbling when every ounce of said leviathan in question's attention was solely focused on you, and you alone, fully in-tune with each potentially devastating movement so as not to injure or even frighten you.

Dream’s grin widened, expression nearly glittering with the sheer amount of delight as he gazed down at him, the miniscule, insignificant human resting in the center of his enormous palm. His claw tipped fingers twitched, casting a brief shadow over George’s form.

“You think I’m a marvel, Goggy?” The mer asked, tilting his head ever-so-slightly to the side. His pupils, sharp slits against the amber of his irises, dilated, growing wide enough that George actually could see his own reflection. His cheeks were dark with a bright, fiery blush at the moment.

"What I think is that you're an idiot," the brunette griped, looking down as he adjusted the lapels of his leather jacket, attempting to hide the ever-deepening flush he knew was spreading. He was sure his ears were red, but he could probably just pass that off as a sunburn if he was asked.

A wheezy laugh escaped from the mer’s colossal lungs, reverberating all the way through the sand underneath them both as the warm, salty breath brushed over George, flattening his hair against his forehead. He wrinkled his nose at the sharp scent and shot a glare up at the blond, coughing meaningfully.

“I mean, I’m at least better than any of the other mers.” Dream rolled his eyes skywards, a frown twisting at his lips. “There’s so much drama nowadays, and some of those kids…” The mer let out a small, surly rumble, nose wrinkling as he grimaced.

The biologist perked up, interest immediately piqued. “There are other mers?"

Dream chuckled. "Yeah, there's a few here and there. You wouldn't want to meet them, though. They're not nearly as nice as I am.” George frowned at the implications of that statement, but decided not to pursue that train of conversation. Instead, he leaned to the side, trying to peer over Dream’s shoulder at the long, flicking tail that trailed for hundreds of feet behind him.

“Mhm. I want to examine your scales.” The human declared abruptly, planting a hand on his hip and pointing over the mer's shoulder. The blond frowned, shooting a quick glance behind himself, past the jagged sail that trailed from his lower back all the way down to about mid tail, to the glittering scales that decorated the appendage itself. They looked just fine, he didn’t know why George even wanted to inspect them. With a pout spanned across his face, he turned back to the little human, brows furrowed.

“But you don't even have your little writing book! C’mon, I just got comfortable,” he whined, ear frills flicking back against his huge skull.

“I don't care! Let me look at them anyway!” George demanded, crossing his arms and puffing his chest out. He cocked his hips, shooting his most petulant expression up at the massive mer. Dream’s pupils rounded out just a little bit more at the human’s actions, and he caved with an exasperated, drawn out sigh.

“Okay, okay, jeez, don't get your fins in a twist. Er. Legs? Hm. That expression doesn���t really work with humans, huh…” Dream trailed off, tilting his head at George for a long moment before his ear fins flickered out in a form of dismissal.

Heaving out a world-weary groan, the leviathan pushed himself upwards with his free hand. The platform of flesh underneath George’s feet moved, suddenly, and he had to drop down to his knees rather quickly unless he wanted to tumble down in an undignified heap. The hand was brought close to the mer’s chest as he rolled over and tried to settle comfortably onto his backside.

Once comfortable, Dream brought his hand down to about mid-tail length, folding over on himself and propping his free elbow on his own tail to lean his head against.

George scooted to the edge of the mer’s palm and hopped down with a small grunt. He nearly slipped when he made contact with the bright scutes and had to lunge back to grab onto the side of the mer’s hand. Dream’s scales, while crusted with beach sand, were still slick with a thin coating of seawater and a protective mucus. George was honestly surprised that Dream’s scales had as much of a slime coat as they did. He would have figured the mer to be more akin to a shark, or some other cartilaginous fish.

He crouched, after he had regained his balance, running a hand over one of the huge, curtain-sized scutes. “You have ctenoid scales,” George murmured, dropping to his knees to peer more closely at the overlapping plates.

“What does that mean?” Dream asked, hunching over just a little bit more to squint at George as the human ran his hands over the edge of one of the scales.

“It means that there are ridges along the edge of each scale. Like tiny teeth.” George paused for a moment, contemplating as he plucked his fingers against the prickly edge of the scale. If he wanted to, he could probably wedge his whole hand underneath the plate of what was probably some mix of collagen and dentine. He was tempted to try, to see how far his hand would go, but he wasn't going to risk it, on the off chance that something bad happened.

"What color did you say your scales were, again?" He inquired, glancing up at the looming shape of Dream’s head and torso. The mer’s eyebrows quirked, and one of his ear fins perked curiously.

“Like a yellowy-green. Can you really not tell? Is that a human thing?" He squinted, gaze searching as if he could see George’s eyes from the distance between them. Maybe he could, George wasn’t sure. He hadn’t gotten around to testing how good Dream’s eyesight was, and how well they worked above and below water.

Regardless, he shook his head. “No, I'm just colorblind. It’s a fairly common thing for people to have, but not all of us do.”

“Oh? Can you not….how does that work? Do colors not exist? How do you see?” A startled snort escaped from the brunette's lips at the mer’s question, and he grinned up at the blond.

“I can still see, you dumbass. I’m not blind. I just can't see red or green, and any colors that have them only look like the other color.” George rolled his eyes, turning his attention back to the plates beneath his legs. “For example, you say your scales are green, but they just look bright yellow to me.”

“Huh,” Dream hummed contemplatively as he readjusted the arm his chin was propped on. The position he was in looked uncomfortable, but George wasn’t going to question it. While the mer was still a vertebrate, he probably had to be very flexible for life in the ocean.

He should ask Dream how many bones most mers had, actually. He might know.

George dropped his eyes back down to the mer’s scales, vaguely wishing that he still had some sort of writing instrument on hand. “These really are fascinating…” The human murmured, poking at one of the overlapping ledges with inquisitive fingers. Did the mer shed, like some kinds of fish and most reptiles did? He’d have to ask sometime, preferably when he had a journal on his person.

“Here, do you want one?” The mer abruptly asked, raising a hand and pointing at one of the bright scales. George pulled a face and shook his head, but the mer was already in motion.

“No, wait–” But Dream already had a claw prying underneath one of his scales, pinching it between two massive fingertips and working it out of the overlap from the surrounding plates. George shot to his feet in an attempt to try and stop Dream, but it was already too late. The muscles underneath George’s feet twitched when the scale was yanked from its cradle, and he threw his arms out for what seemed to be the millionth time that day, unwilling to lose his footing again.

Dream suddenly pushed the scale against George's chest, shoving the human backwards more than a couple of steps. It was almost as tall and twice as wide as the human was, and he had to scramble to grab it before Dream bowled him over.

“Dream!” He snapped, scowling as the mer’s huge hand slid away. The mer laughed, grinning brightly down at George. The human’s scowl deepened, and he rolled his eyes, turning his attention to the large scale he now held in his hands. He was surprised to find that it wasn't as heavy as he thought it would be. It only weighed about as much as a small paddle board, about four or five kilograms.

“Dream, where am I going to put this? It's bigger than I am!” George exclaimed, holding it out as far as he could so that he could examine it. Large globs of blood dotted the anterior end of the scale, slowly beading down as the gravity took the weight of the ichor. George grimaced in disgust, holding the sizeable plate further away from himself for a different reason this time. He shot a look up towards Dream, face twisted.

“Didn’t that hurt?” From what he could see, the spot where Dream had plucked the scale from was also bleeding, dark liquid swelling up from the bed of skin underneath the scales. Was it like plucking a hair from your head? Or did it feel like ripping out a fingernail? George wanted to know, but the mer only laughed, avoiding the human’s question and insisting that George keep the scale, as a souvenir until his next visit to the beach.

They devolved into pointless bickering until the sky started to grow dark with heavy clouds, and the wind picked up. At that point, George decided he needed to head home, before the storm properly began. Dream had agreed, saying that it was unpleasant to be near dry land during particularly bad storms. They bid each other goodbye for the day, and each headed their separate ways, Dream sliding back under the crashing waves of the ocean, and George walking back towards the city.

George did end up carrying the scale home with him, even though he had to fight against the growing strength of the wind to keep a good hold on it. He still didn’t know where he was going to put it, though.

Taglist:

@brick-a-doodle-do @i-am-beckyu @da3dm @kayla-crazy-stuffs @local-squishmallow @skullsnbruises @munchkin1156 @gt-daboss

[whumpster-fire]

The (N+1) Little Pigs

Where N is a comically large number.

From: Fairy Tales To Tell Other People's Children To Get Out Of Being Asked to Babysit In the Future: An Anthology

Once Upon A Time, there were (N+1) little pigs, who lived in a house with their mother. One day, their mother kicked them out to seek their fortunes in the world, because they were unemployed losers who turned their rooms into pigsties.

The First Little Pig saw a farmer selling bales of straw. "Aha!" he thought, "That looks like the perfect material to build a house for the minimum amount of effort!" He told his brothers this. They all looked at him like he was an idiot.

"A straw house is easy to build, but it's also easy to tear down!" said the Third Little Pig. "What if a wolf comes?" He started to show his brother studies about the maximum wind loads of straw houses, but the First Little Pig wasn't listening.

"Wolves are a hoax," said the First Little Pig. He bought the straw anyway, and built a rather ramshackle house.

The Second Little Pig laughed at the first little pig's foolishness, but when he saw a woodcutter selling sticks, he thought: "I want a big house, but I don't want to waste too much time building it. These will be perfect."

The Third Little Pig saw a bricklayer selling bricks, and thought: "These will make the strongest house possible. I'd like to see a wolf break into this!"

Soon, the Big Bad Wolf came along. He saw the houses the pigs had built, and he came up with a plan. He knocked on the door of the First Little Pig's straw house.

"Good Morning," he said to the First Little Pig. "Do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior -"

"Go away, I'm playing Minecraft!" shouted the First Little Pig, and slammed the door in the Big Bad Wolf's face. So the Big Bad Wolf thought of a better plan.

"Hi, I'm installing Rooftop Solar, do you have a moment to talk about -"

"Go away."

So the Big Bad Wolf thought of a better plan.

"We've been trying to reach you concerning your car's extended warranty -"

"Die in a fire, Big Bad Bitch."

So the Big Bad Wolf thought of a better plan. He knocked on the door one more time.

"Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

"Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!"

The Big Bad Wolf peered in the window, and decided the hair on the pig's chinny chin chin wasn't much of a threat. It was kind of unimpressive actually. A neckbeard, even.

"Then I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house in!"

Then the Big Bad Wolf huffed, and puffed, and blew the straw house to pieces, and that was the end of the First Little Pig.

He moved on to the Second Little Pig's house, and repeated the process, only without the several ineffective scams. He went straight to the threats and demands, which is an admirable quality in a villain.

"Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

"Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!"

"Then I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house in!"

Then the Big Bad Wolf huffed, and puffed, and blew the stick house to splinters, and that was the end of the Second Little Pig.

The Third Little Pig watched his brothers' demise from his brick house, and made a smug FaceBook post about inferior construction methods. When he heard a knock on his door, he said without even waiting for the wolf to speak: "Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!"

"Uhh, this is your neighbor Bob. I just wanted to check in and see if you're okay, I saw on NextDoor there were two houses blown in by a wolf, and my neighbor Dale said both the victims were pigs, so it seems like there's a pattern."

"Oh. Sorry," said the pig. "Don't worry about me, I've got the strongest house in the whole town!" and he patted the brick walls.

Bob the Neighbor left, and the Big Bad Wolf came along.

"Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!"

"Aww, come on, man, you didn't even give me a chance to knock!"

"This story's getting too long."

"Fair. Ahem… I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house in!"

The Third Little Pig waited smugly in his armchair, waiting for the wolf to tire himself out. But what he didn't realize was that his attic windows had blown in. The Third Little Pig had built his house with a gable style roof for aesthetic reasons, and he had neglected to install hurricane ties as required by building codes in many areas prone to high wind disasters. With wind blowing inside the attic and over the roof, it acted just like a wing! The whole roof lifted off the house and blew away, and without the structural support, even the sturdy brick walls collapsed, crushing the Third Little Pig armchair and all.

The Fourth Little Pig built his house out of stone, with structurally adequate roof design. The wolf huffed and puffed with all his might, but the house just wouldn't budge!

So the Big Bad Wolf waited for the Fourth Little Pig to leave the house. After a few days, this little piggy went to market, when this little piggy should have stayed home. But this little piggy had to buy roast beef, because this little piggy had none. This little piggy saw a familiar shape in the parking lot, and cried WEEE WEEE WEEE WEEE, half of the way home. Not all the way home, because he only got halfway there before the Big Bad Wolf caught him and ate him.

The Fifth Little Pig purchased a 7500 sq ft McMansion in a gated community. But the house soon began to fall apart due to its subpar construction, and the Little Pig lost all his money in the subprime mortage crisis. The bank foreclosed on him, and threw him out in the streets, where the Big Bad Wolf had an easy meal.

The Sixth Little Pig built a sturdy wooden house: not a flimsy stick one, but solid timber framing. The wolf huffed and he puffed, but he could not blow the house in. Instead, he poured gasoline all over the exterior walls of the house and lit a match. The house caught fire, and turned the Sixth Little Pig into fried bacon.

The Seventh Little Pig built another stone house, and a very nice one it was. In fact, it was a castle. But he'd built it on a swamp, so his castle sank into the swamp. So he built another castle. That one sank into the swamp. So he built a third one. That one burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp, but the fourth one stayed up! And that's what the Seventh Little Pig's son inherited: the strongest castle in all of Pigland. However, when Wolfram the Conqueror invaded in 1066 AD, the Seventh Little Pig's castle proved incapable of withstanding the ferocious assault of the Warwolf Trebuchet. The Seventh Little Pig tried to surrender before the monstrous siege engine was even completed, but the Big Bad Wolf just laughed, and said there was no way he was going to all that effort to build such a large trebuchet and not use it. Soon the castle lay in ruins, and the Noble House of the Seventh Little Pig was broken.

The Eighth Little Pig built his house out of reinforced concrete. "I'd like to see you huff and puff this house down!" he boasted. "And I've got enough supplies in here to last for two years!"

But the Big Bad Wolf knew a guy who knew a guy who knew a guy, and the guy who a guy who knew a guy who knew a guy knew a guy who knew was an armadillo who worked in the demolitions industry. The armadillo set up several very large explosive charges all around the fourth pig's house.

"Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!" said the Big Bad Wolf.

"Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!"

The armadillo laughed, and said: "Then Fire In the Hole! I'll blow your house in!"

With an almighty BANG! that stone house went away, And what happened to the pig isn't pleasant to say. The locals claim porkchops and cutlets rained down On Roofs, streets and sidewalks for three blocks around And windows were broken all over the town.

A-hem! Enough rhyming, back to the story.

The Ninth Little Pig didn't build a house at all. He just wasn't into it, man. Building houses meant being part of the system! He crashed on other people's couches and smoked weed all day. One day there was a knock at the door.

"Hey, man! Wanna buy some weed?" asked the Big Bad Wolf, who was wearing a clever disguise: he had a baseball cap, sunglasses, and a t-shirt that said "420." The Ninth Little Pig stared at him through bloodshot eyes. He scratched the hairs on his chinny chin chin. "Sure, man. Totally radical." He let the wolf in. The wolf was planning to eat him, but the smell of weed was so overpowering that he immediately became high, and they talked about metaphysical philosophy for three hours. Sadly for the Ninth Little Pig, after that the wolf got the munchies and ate him. Due to the sheer quantity of The Devil's Lettuce the pig had partaken in, the Big Bad Wolf was tripping balls for several weeks.

The Tenth Little Pig decided to move to a faraway land where there were no wolves and build his house there. On his journey he came to a bridge, where a troll was waitin for passerby.

"Ha ha!" said the troll. "You must pay the troll toll! I will eat you, delicious pig!"

"Wait!" cried the Tenth Little Pig. "My big brother is coming, and he has a house made of sticks! Wouldn't you rather eat him instead?"

"What." Said the Troll, and there was a long, awkward silence. "That doesn't make any sense."

"I think this is the wrong fairy tale," said the pig.

"I agree," said the troll, and ate him, so the Big Bad Wolf lost this round.

Later, the Big Bad Wolf came to a train track, where he saw a speeding trolley heading towards a switch. On the track ahead were five little pigs tied to the train tracks, on the other track was a single little pig. By pulling a lever, the wolf could make the trolley switch to the other track, saving the five little pigs but dooming the single pig. The Big Bad Wolf didn't pull the lever and allowed the five little pigs to be run over, because he was a Big Bad Wolf and killing more pigs was a desirable result for him. The Mad Philosophy Professor who had tied the pigs to the tracks and sabotaged the trolley's brakes lost his funding due to the lack of conclusive results, which just goes to show the importance of sound experiment design.

The Seventeenth Little Pig holed up in his house and refused to leave. The wolf waited and waited, but as he was waiting, he saw a little girl in a red hood wandering through the woods with a picnic basket. The Big Bad Wolf decided to try to eat her instead, but that is a story for another time. The Seventeenth Little Pig seemed safe, but little did he know that a deadly swine flu pandemic was spreading throughout the community.

The Eighteenth Little Pig built a very grand and sturdy house of brick and stone, but it had large windows that were easy to break into. One night, a pack of four Big Bad Wolves broke into his house. "What the Devil?" cried the Eighteenth Little Pig as he grabbed his powdered wig and Kentucky Rifle. He huffed, and he puffed, and he blew a golfball sized hole through the first wolf, shooting him dead on the spot. He drew his pistol on the second wolf, but it missed him entirely because it was smoothbore and nailed the neighbor's dog. He had to resort to the cannon at the top of the stairs loaded with grapeshot. The grapeshot shredded two wolves in the blast, and the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. The Eighteenth Little Pig fixed bayonets and charged the last terrified wolf, who bled out waiting for the police to arrive because triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. "Ah," said the Eighteenth Little Pig, "Just as the Founding Sounder intended."

The Nineteenth Little Pig went to college to become a Marine Biologist. This had many benefits, including living on a research vessel far away from any Big Bad Wolves. Sharks, on the other hand, were a different matter.

The Twentieth Little Pig didn't build a house: he hid in a cave, where he survived on a diet of 10,000 spiders per day and never left. He survived the Big Bad Wolf, but he is an outlier and should not have been counted.

The End

[seinfeldgifsets]

SEINFELD 5x14 The Marine Biologist

[chrismcguireart]

The sea was angry that day, my friends! 

Prints available here.

[kingshook1]

[teammightypen]

so yesterday i was watching the new percy jackson episode with two friends

and during it i asked if either of them knew about apollo’s dodgeball. no they didn’t. i’m the only person i know who’s on tumblr

so afterward i showed them the meme and i’m happy to have shared a new thing with them

that’s all that’s the post

[venicemermaids]

Hi! Here's some stuff about a celebrity-themed AU I've been formulating in my head since last year. I'll probs post more later when I'm less sleep deprived :')) I do have major ideas though, so hope you like 'em!

☆ passione is a modelling agency/magazine ran entirely by diavolo. it's one of the most famous companies in the world, and also one of the more relaxed ones. technically diavolo's twin brother doppio and doppio's now wife donatella helped form it, but they all agreed it'd be easier for diavolo to head it. doppio works as a photographer there, while donatella is a model.

☆ the joestars are essentially the hilton family of this au. most people know their names because they're famous in their own fields outside of the family. for instance, jonathan is an archeologist, dio (who is now a biological joestar) is a lawyer/agent/manager, jotaro is a marine biologist with several documentaries under his belt, and so on.

☆ if the joestars are the hiltons, then the part 8 higashikatas are the kardashians. they have their own reality TV show chronicling their lives, known by all as keeping up with the higashikatas. some major specials were jobin and mitsuba's wedding, the twins' (rina and joshu) sweet sixteens and later daiya's, kaato being released from prison, and hato's explosive break-up with tamaki damo.

☆ elizabeth is still married to george ii/jorge joestar, and she has her own fashion house known as lisa lisa. working under her are caesar zeppeli and suzi q, who both have their own ideas on which direction the brand's image should go. their rival is kars and the other pillar men's own label. (unnamed as of right now)

☆ diego is jonathan and dio's younger stepbrother through his mother marrying their father when diego was a kid. diego had always been closer with jonathan, while he always had a tense relationship with dio. as an adult, diego is a professional driver and looks after his nephews; dio's own sons.

☆ jolyne has an underground band with ermes and f.f. called the stone frees! they perform at a grungy venue known as green dolphin, named for its famous neon green dolphin sign. outside of performing, they're usually seen hanging out in ermes' sister gloria's restaurant. they tend to give it free publicity where they can.

jolyne also goes by cujoh in an attempt to distance herself from her father, and to prevent herself from being accused of nepotism.

☆ johnny was a former movie star who quit performing after a major accident rendered him unable to walk. his father hired a physical therapist for him named gyro zeppeli, and barred him from any other visitors out of a sense of shame. however, johnny's older brother nicholas tends to allow guests to see him anyway when their father's away. johnny also keeps in contact with rina higashikata, but that's a secret!

☆ josuke (no relation to the part 8 higashikatas) is an aspiring hairdresser/celebrity stylist, and he often asks to practice on other people. he religiously reads the cinderella magazine for tips and ideas on what to do next and his idol is aya tsuji, who he dreams of working alongside someday.

☆ gappy is yoshikage and kei's younger brother. he's not technically a celebrity, but he often shows up on kuwth due to being childhood friends with joshu and rina. people often joke about him being their missing triplet, though he always denies it. he does see the higashikatas as a second family, however.

☆ giorno is a model under passione, which he joined beneath his father's nose at both diego and his best friend perla's suggestion. when dio found out, he demanded for giorno to allow him to be his agent due to his superior connection. refusing, giorno instead left to live with diego whilst bruno bucciarati became his agent instead. the two people who oversaw giorno's casting were man x (will be referred to as michel) and polpo.

☆ after giorno left, dio began to acknowledge his other three sons; donatello, ungalo, and rikiel. he began with taking custody of donatello, and pushed him into joining a modelling agency as well. he manufactured a rivalry between donatello and giorno, though giorno's more interested in saving all his brothers from their father's influence than anything.

☆ jodio and dragona are both popular on social media. dragona enjoys posting ootds, makeup tutorials, and storytimes, whilst jodio does (awful) skateboarding tricks and skits. sometimes he'll join dragona's storytimes and makeup tutorials, or they'll both do various challenges and skits together.

☆ more stuff to come later!

[victusinveritas]

Hey that Seinfeld meme you posted where the text over the photo of George has a 9/11 joke? That wasn’t from the show. I’m all for make whatever jokes you want or cover over the text from the actual show but your photo doesn’t show that the original text is covered. It looks like it’s from the show. Seinfeld ended in 1998. 9/11 happened in 2001. Maybe consider deleting or clarifying so people don’t think a show that aired before it happened had a 9/11 joke?

Just to clarify in case folks think Kramer did 9/11 and it's referenced in the show... Kramer did not do 9/11, he's a character on a TV show that was cancelled in 1998--even by 90s meta-sitcom logic, that'd be a bit of a stretch. The images above reference an episode (season 5, episode 14) where Kramer is practicing his golf swing on the beach and happens to hit a ball right into the blowhole of a whale. Later in the episode, George, pretending to be a marine biologist because of a scheme by Jerry to impress a crush (Diane, played by Rosalind Allen, who played Dr. Wendy Smith on seaQuest DSV) has to help save the whale. Michael Richards (the actor who played Kramer) was conveniently across the country shooting the Michael Richards show when 9/11 occurred. Golf balls can't melt steel beams.

However...Michael Richards (the sculptor) was killed in the World Trade Center attacks (his studio was on the 92nd floor of the North Tower. Here's a retrospective of his work and a piece on it from the New York Times.

[dingbatnix]

Mcyt Oneshots

A collection of all of my oneshot fics regarding Mcyt

Under a cut cause dang it's getting long xD

Rescue...?

Sapnap finds a tiny, injured Dream after he's been broken out of prison

tiny!Dream, giant!Sapnap

Breakout (noms)

Techno finds a way to escape prison with Dream

tiny!Dream, giant!Techno

Hyper-Focus (noms)

Dream gets too focused on his work to eat. His tiny friends try to help him.

tiny!Sam, tiny!Bad, tiny!Ant, tiny!Sapnap, tiny!George, giant!Dream

Leap (noms)

George...falls

tiny!George, giant!Dream, giant!Sapnap

Betrayal (noms) (collage of creator works)

Dream, shrunken and vulnerable, gets eaten by Punz to protect him from the rest of the server. Dream doesn't know that it's safe.

tiny!Dream, giant!Punz, giant!Smp

Betrayal (noms) (single post) (my part of the full Betrayal fic)

Better (noms)

Sam realizes that the prison conditions are a bit...shit.

tiny!Dream, giant!Sam

Eel

Sapnap runs into a colorful octopus mer. Or, more accurately, he runs into Sapnap. It seems he's fleeing from something...?

giant!Dream, mini-giant!Sapnap?, mini-giant!George?, tiny!Karl

Dream, Sap, & Goggy designs

Karl design

Fanart

Bees

Sapnap is just trying to garden, but two brightly colored bees won't leave him alone! Thankfully, he manages to swat one...oh shit.

giant!Sapnap, tiny!Dream, tiny!George

Where's Karl?

Fanart (by Cyncerity)

More fanart! (by Kayla)

Dream and George reference compared to Sapnap

Is Sapnap still scared of bees?

Squish

Dream forgets to watch his step...

giant!Dream, tiny!Antfrost

Imprisoned (noms)

Sapnap finds Dream a couple weeks after he breaks out of prison, and attempts to enact his promise to be the one to take his final life.

It doesn't go too well.

tiny!Sapnap, giant!Dream

Art/Continuation??

If Sapnap gets sick

Shift

Dream reveals to George that he can shift into a giant from his blob form

Inspired by wendy130

tiny!George, giant!Dream

Deity (noms)

Dream is the God of the Overworld and the End. As such, he often gets human sacrifices, which taste delicious.

Well, he's handed a cage with two mortals trapped inside, and fuck, he knows these two.

giant!Dream, giant!Karl, tiny!George, tiny!Sapnap

Rest (part 2)

Goddess of Death confrontation

Tiny Dream noms ask

Lasagna

Sapnap just wanted some cheese, but, uh, whoops, he accidentally falls into the pasta pan.

tiny!Sapnap, giant!Dream, giant!George

Captive (story with pictures) (noms)

George is a naga who is held captive in a cave. Poor guy. And then the rest of the dteam get shoved in the cave with him.

giant!George, tiny!Bad, tiny!Dream, tiny!Sapnap.

Slime

Karl gets stuck in his slime form, and his fiancés don't know that he's a slime. Oof.

giant!Sapnap, giant!Quackity, giant!Charlie, tiny!Karl

Scales

George is just a marine biologist that wants to study his mer friend, but his friend is determined to be...difficult.

tiny! George, giant!Dream

[allthebestcowboyshavedaddyissues]

Favorite Seinfeld episodes?

anything past season one (jk.....no but really....)

ALL TIME FAVORITES—IN SEASONAL ORDER:

2.08 The Heart Attack

2.11 The Chinese Restaurant

3.03 The Pen

3.06 The Parking Garage

3.07 The Cafe

3.15 The Suicide ★

3.18 The Limo

3.22 The Keys

4.01-2 The Trip ★

4.04 The Ticket

4.07 The Bubble Boy ★

4.08 The Cheever Letters

4.09 The Opera

4.13 The Pick

4.15 The Visa ★

4.17 The Outing

4.18 The Old Man ★

4.20 The Junior Mint ★

4.23 The Pilot

As you can see season four is dearly loved by me LMFAO

5.03 The Glasses

5.04 The Sniffing Accountant

5.05 The Bris

5.11 The Conversion

5.13 The Dinner Party ★

5.14 The Marine Biologist

5.20 The Fire ★

5.21 The Hamptons

5.22 The Opposite

6.01 The Chaperone

6.02 The Big Salad

6.03 The Pledge Drive

6.07 The Soup

6.18 The Jimmy

6.22 The Face Painter ★

Season 7 episodes 1-7 all FAVORITES

7.11 The Rye ★

7.12 The Caddy

7.14 The Cadillac ★

Season 7 episodes 19-22 bbbbbbangers

8.01 The Foundation

8.03 The Bizarro Jerry

8.04 The Little Kicks ★

8.05 The Package ★

Season 8 episodes 7-11 kill me

8.14 The Van Buren Boys

8.16 The Pothole

8.19 The Yada Yada ★

8.21 The Muffin Tops

8.22 The Summer of George

9.03 The Serenity Now★

9.05 The Junk Mail

9.10 The Strike

Season 9 episodes 11-20 PHENOMENAL 💖

9.22 The Finale IS OUTSTANDING DON'T LET ANYONE SAY DIFFERENT! #LOCKTHEMUP

sorry i went crazy anon.

[kenjo-arts]

any background or general info on researcher!george?

Ok so researcher!George saw a mermaid as a child (It was Dream! And they played together! Untill George was called out of the water and Dream got spooked and remembered he shouldn't let himself be seen by humans) and mermaids aren't quite known so he became a marine biologist because he wanted to find out more and find the mermaids again.(his parents did try and tell him mermaids don't actually exist but he wouldn't listen)

c!Sam who runs the research facility heard about a new young researcher who was interested in the legends about mermaids and approched George as he knew mermaids exsisted, having already having had done some research on an injured mermaid he found some years earlier that died quickly of their injuries (of Sams experimenting). George had a pretty impressive resume so he was quickly put on the team!

George doesn't really care that much about being a marine biologist in general but he has a deep fascination with learning about and wanting to meet mermaids. At first he sees them more as decently intelligent fish (maybe as smart as dogs or pigs) that look partly human.

He was actually the one of the people who set the nets and then eventually captured Dream :D He doesn't realize it but he was unintential bait as Dream randomly saw him letting some sealife that had gotten caught in the nets free. It gave him a good first impression of George and when he recognized him as the human hed played with as a kid he got interested in George and stayed in the area to watch him and try and find out what he was doing sitting at the ocean everyday. And eventually he swam into a net and was captured

But as time goes and he's put in charge of Dream he starts to realize that mermaids are as intelligent as humans.

[formulaborb]

Hi! I’m still pretty new here and so wanted to get to know those I follow a lil better so thought I’d ask some q’s!!

Feel free to answer 😌 (or ignore.. that’s fine too heh)

What’s your fave ice cream flavour?

Who’s your fave driver?

What is it about your fave driver that makes them your fave?

Face holiday destination you’d like to visit?

Fave driver pairing?

Dream job when you were a child? Is it your job now?

Dream f1 team driver pairing?

Do you have a special talent?

If you could decide an f1 track anywhere in the world, where would it be?

Fave animal?

Top prediction for the 2024 season?

☺️

hi! <3 nice to meet u! I'm also pretty new so it's nice to see another new person on f1blr!!

Vanilla or Strawberry are my faves djskdjskdsja

Lewis & George are my fave drivers <3 I'll go to war for them

Lewis has done so much for the sport, and just seems like a gentle soul and I really just appreciate him a lot, and George seems like such a sweetheart and is so funny and cute they're both just great vibes all around

I've lived in Japan, but I'd like to go back again, specifically Okinawa.

Driver pairing like ships? Gewis would be my top ship atm

My dream job was to become a marine biologist but uh... i felt too sad when I had to dissect animals LOL now I'm a UI/UX Designer

Lewis & George

I don't think I have any special talents no DKSJDKAJLDSA

I think a Korea track would be cool

Fave animal either whale shark or cats

I am delusional and predict merc dominance once again they will rise from the ashes and I will get many britcedes podiums :3

[shitouttabuck]

question time :D

tagged by @buckitup 💘

1. were you named after anybody?

kind of! my grandad used to call my grandma “nina” as a nickname because “ni” means you and “na” means me in tamil and he was always like it’s you and me against the world so. as you can see i did not stand a single chance of not being the soppiest most hopeless romantic on this planet

2. when was the last time you cried?

northern attitude came on shuffle this morning and i thought about bobby nash for two (2) seconds and was like well here we go again

3. do you have kids?

nope!

4. do you use sarcasm a lot?

i don’t think so! im terrible at tone irl lol

5. what sports do you play/have you played?

football in school and…. i was a horse girl……. limited to a city but oh so enthusiastic

6. first thing you notice about someone?

ass for sure and i mean this so genuinely

7. eye colour?

very dark brown

8. scary movies or happy endings?

listen. scary movies can and should have happy endings. tell me why i was kicking my feet twirling my hair at the end of every single saw movie otherwise (saw franchise is my spiders georg. am actually a wuss. love a happy ending)

9. any special talents?

no! im good at opening jars and bottles. but just regular good not anything to write home about

10. where were you born?

india

11. what are your hobbies?

i like knitting but i haven’t done that in a while! idk i go to the movies i sometimes play cthulhu i think about writing fic and don’t actually write any

12. do you have pets?

there’s a family of feral cats on my back porch and unfortunately i’d die for them all. even sweet marie who is a huge bitch and hisses at me every morning

13. fave subject in school?

english! biology! went to this batshit school where in seventh grade we had a period called “tree study” and would spend an hour hanging out with a tree

14. dream job?

the million dollar question as i sit unemployed and unmoored in my parents house…… idk that post about flower shops was going around yesterday and i think i’d love to have a flower shop. real life maybe marine biologist….

tagging @zahlibeth @transboybuckley @sinistertolove @ice-sculptures @ringbearerjee @leothil if y’all feel like!!!

[mizarchivist]

INKTOBER 2023

Last year I did Ink-Tumbl-tober instead of following the prompts put out there by a .... person who tends to be not great, I'd do the art but with the theme of Tumblr! My prompts last year:

Gargoyle (pre-theme switch)

Scuttle (pre-theme switch)

Crab Rave

Dracula Daily

Color Theory

Blorbo

Secret Code (I like your shoelaces)

Baby animals

OT3

Color of the sky

Neurospicy

Spiders Georg

Marine Biologist

Dialectic Beach Houses

Ides of March

Escaped containment

Ea Nasir

Miette

TNN: Tumblr Network News

Monke

Detiel

Evergiven

Charge and cast

Birate

Beloved

Shitpost

Hellsite

Diogenes

Prophecy

Butterfly

Spooky Pumpkinhead

Can I manage to come up with 31 new themes??? Want to help??? Comment to share your ideas. Here's what I have so far:

Goncharov

Tumblrina

...

?

.... Lynda Carter?

[hedghost]

hedge can we have your review on the season? Like for each player give us a summary sentence on ur ops on their performance

oh yes gladly i love shit like this. you said one sentence but it’s way more than that bc i have a lot of thoughts hehe:

Mary Earps: honestly didn’t have her best season, especially in the first half, which i think was a mental thing. around january she seemed back to her old self and she did have some great games. kept us in a lot, pulled off some mega saves - we all know how fucking good she is there’s no denying that. however people chat a lot about our defence but i definitely don’t think she’s entirely without blame for some goals/results. still love her tho, just not her best season. genuinely no idea if she’ll stay.

Phallon Tullis-Joyce: that’s my fucking marine biologist!!! i’m so in love with phallon. criminal that we didn’t see her in the league, but her conti cup performances were brilliant. seems to work so well with the defence in such a short time despite lack of minutes played with them. good with the ball at her feet, good distribution, and made some fucking incredible saves (the one v liverpool was save of the season for me.) i genuinely won’t be mad if mary leaves bc i think phallon is more than good enough to replace her. hope to see more of her.

Gabby George: one of our smartest signings imo, was sceptical at first but she impressed hugely in the short time we saw her. made a huge impact on attacks down the left. gutted she got injured, def prefer her over blundell and think she would’ve made a big difference in some of our results if she was able to play.

Maya Le Tissier: will defend her with my life. made a few mistakes this season that she didn’t make last year but people forget she’s still v young, and i firmly believe she has the potential to be one of the best. grew into a leadership role this season. would have loved to see her push up more into midfield, or play in rb but 🤷‍♀️. long balls remain elite. if i were skinner i’d be building the team around her and prepping her for the armband.

Aoife Mannion: Didn’t see much of her due to injury but she remains solid. a bit slower, def not a starter but with the limited options we have she’s our best (and only) cb cover so.

Hannah Blundell: listen i like hannah and i think she’s decent but i also think a new lb is our priority (maybe less so when gabbys back fit but still). she’s solid and consistent but i think the team has outgrown her. done dirty a lot this season by being shifted to the right as it definitely doesn’t favour her. has a good linkup with galton but we still need more of an attacking fb to replace her imo.

Jayde Riviere: my Queen. i get flashbacks to ona when i watch her play and fall in love with her a little more each time. still young and needs more experience but has the potential to grow and be one of the best fullbacks. i expect her to be getting a lot of assists in the near future. super speedy, good awareness and vision, gets stuck in. all i can ask in an fb. only thing is she’s a bit too prone to injury but i’m chalking that down to inconsistent game time and being chucked back in by skinner before she’s fully healed.

Millie Turner: millie was consistent and great this season. glad she’s finally getting her flowers. times where she’s struggled have been when she’s had to deal with gemma evans next to her so i don’t blame her too much. she’s also less of a physical cb than maya is, which we saw a lot especially against ramirez, but that’s why i think the two compliment each other well.

Gemma Evans: hate this woman with a passion i didn’t see a single good thing all year. most baffling signing of all time. done dirty by being put as lb instead of cb but she’s still pretty crap as a cb. stunts all attacks as soon as she’s on the pitch because she continuously passes backwards even when there’s options, but also impacts attacks down our right bc blundell gets moved over and she can’t attack as well down the right as jayde, and we all know our midfield is too shit to go down the middle. gets beaten easily and loses her man constantly, impacts millie and maya bc they have to come over and cover often, and gives away too many fouls in bad positions bc she can’t compete with players so just takes them out dirty. shit as fuck.

Evie Rabjohn: gutted we didn’t see much of her, exciting prospect for the future.

Ella Toone: despite many lacklustre performances has had one of her best seasons statistically, however (controversial) she’s still not a starter. when she’s in the right space and gets the right ball she’s magic, but a lot of the time she spends 60 minutes completely invisible, then gets one banger of a goal and everyone pretends she’s had the game of her life. could be down to a shit midfield but im not fully sold. especially w/ the talent we have in the midfield she should be our super sub if you ask me. elite gamechanger, but not a starter.

Irene Guerrero: will never forgive skinner for what he did to her. the 8 minutes she was on the pitch were the best 8 minutes i’ve seen our midfield play. criminally underused, baffling as to why you would play zelem over her. hope she gets the chance bc she’ll storm the wsl.

Katie Zelem: when will we be free of a zelem midfield. i genuinely don’t understand why people think she’s good enough. loses the ball, and passes back wayyy too much, invisible half the time, not a good cam, not a good cdm, what’s the point? impossible for us to launch anything through the middle. great set pieces but we’ve seen multiple players who can do that too. a good captain and a good leader however, which i reckon is the only reason she stays, which is why i would be prepping maya for captaincy asap.

Hayley Ladd: while i don’t think she’s a starter i think we under-utilised her too much this season. she’s really our only strong cdm who can take control of the midfield and we needed her against teams like arsenal and chelsea who have v good midfields. when she has played she’s been v strong, and consistent.

Lisa Naalsund: my norwegian queen. she walked through the fiery pits of skinnerhell last season and came out the other side with a vengeance. has proved herself and firmly earned that starting position. really good on the ball, great vision, and scored quite a few screamers too. suffers a bit when she’s played with toone and zelem because she’s kind of the only one doing anything. dominates the right side more than the left - her link ups with jayde, geyse and lucia are brilliant. hope she stays.

Hinata Miyazawa: again, criminally underused. yes she was injured for a while but she should be a consistent starter if you ask me. so good on the ball, so good with pockets of space. i call her my tiny terrier bc she’s absolutely relentless with winning the ball back. never intimidated by any player. love her. hasn’t had the time to integrate fully with the forwards but when the cohesion is there it’ll be mega. i believe she can play on the wing too so i’d like to see some of that.

Emma Watson: another player i’m gutted was injured. so so excited to see her play as i believe she’ll be one of the best.

Grace Clinton: yes she was on loan but i’m still gonna include her. what a fucking season, and what a fucking player. i do think the loan to spurs was the best thing for her as she needed minutes which she wouldn’t have gotten here so i’m not criticising skinner for that, but we now have to do everything we can to keep her, not just the summer but the next. unreal. we’ve seen what she can do so i can’t wait to see her in a united shirt (fingers crossed)

Melvine Malard: if we don’t trigger the to-buy option we’re fucking stupid but my hopes aren’t high with skinner. should’ve got way more game time but hey ho. i don’t know why we don’t play her in the 9 when it’s clearly her best position. just love her energy, her connections, the way she moves the ball and gives everything. just need her to bag a few more goals.

Leah Galton: i love her sm but i think she’s kind of past her best now. she shouldn’t start bc she just gets tired too easily but she has had good moments so there’s still a space for her as a sub. has definitely suffered from not having a good fb behind her, but i think it’s time to move beyond her. still a clinical player with good skills, and hella agile but doesn’t have the connection with new forwards to make a real impact.

Lucia Garcia: i fucking love this girl. god i hope she stays but i do think she’s going unfortunately. our best and most consistent winger, fast as shit, moves the ball well, holds the ball up well, beats players, clinical on goal, commits to the ball but also so good at getting back to defend. player of the season for me, not a bad thing to say about her. just incredible we should be throwing the kitchen sink at her.

Nikita Parris: had a great season, def our most clinical finisher. i kind of prefer when she’s on the wing but she’s good in both positions. quick, relentless, good finishes, yeah she’s good. can def see her leaving though and i’m not up in arms about that as i feel we should be buying new strikers this summer. not so much of a ball carrier than our other forwards so mostly relies on service from others, but has good positioning and good finish.

Geyse: example of a brilliant player who’s suffering under poor coaching. mad skills but needs coaching to improve her decision making and finishing, which is what will make her a great player. she’s so fun to watch that sometimes i don’t even care when she loses the ball, but she def does way too much. shoots when she shouldn’t and doesn’t when she should. skinner can’t coach which is the problem, bc if she could finish she’d be immense. i’ve seen a lot of growth from her this season as she’s become more integrated in the team so i have hope.

Rachel Williams: had a great season but we really shouldn’t be relying on a 36 year old to win us games. just has that strikers instinct that you can’t teach but she’s ancient and so we desperately need a replacement. can’t deny that she’s saved us multiple times this season though.