#maybe I should go back to bed
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Yall is it my brain clowning or do I have feelings for someone I shouldn’t AGAIN
#Finn if u see this no u don’t bc u will know who it’s about#void posting so I don’t cry#maybe I should go back to bed
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trying to do tax stuff and miraculously have had to write the same check 3 fucking times (all wrong btw) and completely blanked on how to do basic math
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😴
#well just woke up from my idk 4th nap today?????#I haven’t eaten anything#and it’s already 5pm????#I feel like I’m in limbo#what’s real#what’s fake#idk man#maybe I should go back to bed#lol jk#I’m getting a headache now#I just#ughhhhhh#don’t know what to do#why am I so blehhhhh#shut up rosie
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bella is the devil.
aya you’ve intertwined yourself with bella too hard ur whole career ur just both the devil now. like dnf in a way. one of you goes down the other has too as well </3 you share the same flawed satanic agenda, the same heart. Two half’s of one fucked up whole. if it’s any consolation I’m sure when your time comes you both will go out together! yay.
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hmm actually im pretty sure im just an empty shell of a person who doesnt actually have my own real thoughts and feelings
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Hey there, the sick cat post (localtreeeternity) is a scam. The blog was created Aug. 12 and posted the fundraiser using stolen information within 3 hours of creation. This is a very common scam on tumblr documented on Kyra45 and Kyra45-but-animals
Donation scams on Tumblr are usually:
- A few days old or possibly a few months. They have a few posts to seem legitimate, but always scroll down and see if you can get to the bottom. Post time stamps can be enabled in settings to reveal how old a post is.
- Request that users send money through Friends and Family (this prevents refunds and fraud protection)
- Reblog most posts from the source/op (they just go through common tags and don’t genuinely follow anyone)
- Have comments disabled, and/or reblogs or comments are hidden as they are hiding callouts
- Will send users asks requesting that they support their fundraiser (obviously not everyone is a scam, but I have NEVER seen a spam asker who looked legitimate)
Oh damn you're right, thanks, this is what I get for tumblring five minutes after waking up.
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You know what’s wild about being a fictive? Missing your old life even though it was shitty because it’s a shittiness you were used to. The life you’re living now is a new kind of shitty that feels unpleasant in a different way.
#maybe it’s stupid to miss the life I had#it sucked#so much#I hated it actually#I prayed every night that I wouldn’t wake up the next morning and cried when I did#I’m still doing that tbh#this is a different kind of suck though#I want my old life back#those people were shitty but they were MY shitty people#maybe I just got used to the horrible conditions I was living in#and now I miss it even though it was horrible#just because it’s familiar to me#maybe it’s the difference between the physical discomfort I felt in my old life#vs the emotional discomfort I feel now#maybe I should talk to my therapist#or go to bed#did system#plural#plurality#actually plural#actually did#plural system#system things#dissociative system#fictive#fictives#fictive culture#system culture#plural culture
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is this your card? ♦️♣️♥️♠️
it isnt but you dont wanna hurt his feelings
#this was supposed to be a warmup but i got carried away.... i havent drawn in so long that its been hard to focus orz#im testing a new brush for fun. again.. i think i can use this for clean lineart..?? im surprised i went as long as i did with the#narinder brush honestly... but i wanna try something new so here we are again#if i could get my shit together id love to draw a model of his van because i have smth really cool in mind..i was looking at pictures#of old wooden caravans like the horse drawn ones and i wonder if i could combine that with the shape of an RV#i like the ones with a door at the rear bc it kinda lookslike a train caboose.. maybe he'd get someone to weld him a custom ride!!#idk how intricate and detailed i can design it without making it a pain in the ass to draw every time BUT i have a general idea#it would probably have a door on the side but idk if itd flip down to make a stage or upwards to make a roof?? and then theres a#curtain behind it where he would come out and do his show methinks.. ive been looking at pictures of camping vans on pinterest for ideas#i dont think he LIVES in the van since i mentioned his home is an old run down theatre when he isnt on the road. i wanna draw that too#but the RV should have enough for long travels like a bed and cabinets..? maybe a net hanging on the ceiling where all his props go#id like to think of ideas for a hometown.. toronto has a huge entertainment district so it would make sense for him to live there#although id also love to base parts of it from vancouver since id love to go back and visit </3#..would there be furth names for those places?? nyancouver... clawronto... whinnypeg (like a horse whinny)...#pawson creek.... purrlington... otterwa.. i love coming up with names lol#my art#myart#my oc#oc#sleight#laikas comet oc#fan character#fur#furry art
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#ok i should go to bed. i left my tin of edibles next to my heater a while back#so they all melted into one big blob so if i take edibles im kind of just trusting in jesus whatever happens#I'm pretty sure i posted this at some pointbut i dont think i tagged it maybe it was a nuke victim
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Jack Marsh (2005), Friendship Otherwise - Toward a Levinasian Description of Personal Friendship
#saw carnation lily lily rose by john singer seargent irl today. it was basically at my doorstep all along idk why i never went to see it#it was placed at a corner in the gallery. me and my friend sat down and sketched the paintings of beautiful naked people quite badly. paper#provided by tate britain. she told me about how she couldnt look her boyfriend in the face after a harrowing film about war. when i say the#interview was informal i mean the person who was supposed to be my boss told me let me get you a cider and then he said after#50 years of life he knows people are inherently good and it only takes a little bit of kindness to save this world. he said he tricked#his wife into keeping the baby and then he said he quit his job at a US bank to help people find meaning and in it#he would have liked to find meaning. instead he started climbing with his friends. he said he chews his cigarettes because its a habit from#when he had to hide things from people. the entire time i felt uncomfortable and incredibly enlightened. this is my friends mentor. she has#his pattern of pauses and expletive and penchant for ends-justify-means attitude. i do think im not very clever#but maybe one day i will love you enough to make up for it. i wrote code i dont understand staring at the final error i thought about how#we both thought of how when we're too old to remember the voices of our friends we would like to stand in the pathway of the LHC beam pipe#cut it open and eat light in the freezing cold vacuum (kills you long before radiation will) the invisible puncture wound unfolding dna#back to the start larger than you ever were. you go to heaven once youve been to hell. my friend is in my bed#practicing calculations of eigenvectors by hand and she is uninterested in a visual proof you are uninterested in incompetence#we catch a train this is your kind of burden you tragic hero wincing at that word you only do this because you have to. im the only one#who can. i am a coward in this for the fucking poetry. the visual proofs. the pretty numbers. an architect who was horrible at maths wanted#to be a philosopher and accidentally ended up neck in deep in 70th Error On Visual Studio Code i want to kiss your eyes before we say#goodbye we both know there is no love in the way there should be. I still have your dress in my wardrobe. i hope you make art.#you think im alright head-wise i think you fucking hate me i think ill never be so clever you want me to tell you my idea?#if you wanted more of this world i would have liked to kiss you harder. we cant both be like this. im sorry i cant be with you the whole wa#the love is gone if you have to ask it. his breath catches his eyes feel stiff it is -1.9 kelvin he is near the beam pipe i miss holding#his hand i miss her singing voice i miss his hair and i found the antonym of pain thank you for carrying me home.
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she's beauty she's grace she's Miss Eevee Cosplay 3.0
#personal#pls don't ask me why i'm up at 2am i don't wanna talk about it#anyway i think she's mostly done maybe#i did some more work on the bangs on the wig after i took these pictures so they look better#and i might try to find some flowery earrings when i go to the store for some other stuff tomorrow#but all the major things are done. i think.#honestly i'm all over the place rn so i could be forgetting something#i keep bouncing back and forth between the one million things i have to do (con and not con-related)#anyway i usually try to do a different cosplay every day of con but idk i think i'll just wear flower eevee both saturday and sunday#bc i've put so much work into it and tbh i don't think i can handle trying to get another cosplay ready rn#the only exception would be maybe doing eevee 1.0 or 2.0 bc have everything except the wigs for those ready bc of eevee 3.0#totoro is friday bc my friends and i are doing a ghibli group!!#i wish i had a different ghibli cosplay just bc i've done totoro so much but i do love totoro and she's easy and comfy so that'll be nice#sorry shutting up now i need to go to bed i have WORK TOMORROW#cries#i should start taking off the whole week of convention lol#(no i shouldn't i should just get back in the habit of getting my cosplays done early and not con crunching -.-)
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guys pls. PLEASE. hear me out on spider-man!gojo. PLS ???
#𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐀 𝐒𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐒🎙️#so boom#i’m back on my marvel grind#and i’m watching the best spider-man movie ever created#(the one with andrew garfield)#and i think to myself#he’s so fucking dorky i want him#and you know who else is hella dorky ???#gojo and his obsession with digimon#they both get no bitches too#it’s a perfect match !!!#someone pls let me cook#anyone ???#ykw it’s 7am#maybe i should go to bed
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I want to take a 100 year nap, Wild, move over.
#ok maybe 100 years is a little excessice#I’ll do a 7 year nap instead#*shoves Time aside* IT’S MY TURN TO SLEEP IN THE SACRED REALM#UUGGGHHH#my body can’t figure out when it wants to sleep#Tired at 4am? Sweet let’s go to bed around 5 that’s cool#oh but we’re gonna wake up at 8#and now you can’t go back to sleep#But you can still be tired as a treat :)#thanks body love that for me#my days off my days off and I get to spend them exhausted#I’m just grumbling I’m sure I’ll take a nap in the afternoon or something#I should go walking in the woods while it’s pretty and shut up#now I’m craving sleepy snuggle fics#WOW I need to shut up LOL#random rambles
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Had a dream an Eddsworld mobile game came out, was kind of one of those town management games
It kinda sucked, lotta ads but I kinda want it irl idk
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hoppity patch notes.. slight upgrade
#i was at 11k 😭#i hate that im addicted to upgrading the employees bc it does not leave me enough funds to buy more things in the shop before i prestige#im at 7.6b/10b and the next accessory i need is 3b#i can either get it next level or save up and get it but wait a bit to prestige#but i feel like i should gun it for prestige ya know#but also buying things in the shop actually gives you more rabbits now...#augh. Strategy :(#tbh i'll probably just get distracted and forget to check in on them for a bit#hasnt happened yet but this is the most likely week for that to happen lmao#maybe i'll finally get back to ttyd#havent gotten very far yet bc it's a bit hard to pick up after work n stuff#since it's story heavy it's a bit of a chore to play when im exhausted and also need to go to bed early for work tomorrow#work isnt usually too bad but this last bit has been rough bc of corporate interference lmao#chat#sb
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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