#maybe I'll do the whole song someday but Not Today

[theanoninyourinbox]

hhhhhhh IT'S HAPPENING STAY CALM

the song is Brighter by Patent Pending, which has always held a bittersweet place in my heart - I had an uncle who had cancer, and the day after I found this song, he passed away. He would have loved you guys.

Anyway, cats under the cut! I hope you like this!

We have Lightwraith (@fruifruit) and Bluebell (@hollyleafandtheclans), Gaslight (@quaelgeist333) and Mugwort (@moths-wc-aus aka @monochrome-sunsets), Dewcall (@fallingstarsau), Skunky (@janadog) and Rugpaw (@rugpaw) and Mintnettle (@jackisbored), Jumpfox (@spottyissleepy) and Munchpaw (@goobiestar) and Redspider (@cheesepaw-whisker), Milkwail (@quitedisastrous) and Jessa Lily-Guy (@ask-dino-and-jessa) and Puppypaw (@nanistar) and Drac's cousin Dipstick (@ask-dipstick), and of course Cheetahchirp (@mommyclaws aka @mommyclan)!

[possum-quesadilla]

THE FULL OUTLINE FOR LONELY REMNANTS / CORPSEJUICE IS COMPLETE…. Now to just keep writing the actual damn thing…

I thought it would be eight chapters but it’s going to be twelve if you include the epilogue :,)

Here are the names and songs for each chapter, these are subject to change! If you wanna be completely totally in the dark, I’ll put them in a ‘read more’ so they can be avoided

- Chapter 1 songs: title song (“Ocean Breathes Salty” by Modest Mouse), “Friends In Low Places” by Worthikids, “Go to the Light” by Murder By Death, “Under My Skin” by Jukebox The Ghost, “You’re Dead” by Norma Tanega (for vibes), “Lost” by Amanda Palmer, “Lonesome Town” by Ricky Nelson, “Cut You A Piece” from 35mm, “I Will Always Think of You” from “BoJack Horseman, “Today Today” by Jack Stauber.

- Chapter 2: “I wish I'd find all the lonely remnants, Of you that left when your head cracked open” from “Coma Baby” by Nicole Dollanganger (woah! Guys it’s the title!!). Songs: title song, “Will You Remember?” by The Cranberries, “Sleepwalk” by Forrest Day.

- Chapter 3: “I'll save you from that fate, If I have to kill every angel in Heaven, I will snatch you back from the grave, And you will live to see my bed another day” from “Over the Moon” by Penelope Scott (thanks Cosmo <3 ) (No songs currently other than the title…)

- Chapter 4: “Didn't give me time to say goodbye in the way that I wanted to, So honey, close your eyes and stay like you're supposed to do” from “Pigeon” by Cavetown. Songs: title song, “A Mask of my Own Face” by Lemon Demon.

- Chapter 5: “Now you remember where you came from, Now you remember where you’re going, You’ve got to keep it flowing” from “Spiral of Ants” by Lemon Demon. Songs: title song, “Danny” by Nicole Dollanganger, “Here Before” by Vashti Bunyan, “Meteor Shower” by Cavetown, “Soap” by Penelope Scott.

- Chapter 6: “But you see, It’s not me, It’s not my family” from “Zombie” by The Cranberries. Songs: title song, “STRAIGHT DOWN” by Worthikids, “Lifetime Achievement Award” by Lemon Demon, “Army Dreamers” by Kate Bush, “Everything Moves” by Bronze Radio Return, “Memento Mori” by Crywank, “What Did You Do” by Jack Stauber.

- Chapter 7: “My body’s made of crushed little stars, And I’m not doing anything, I wanna see the whole world” from “My Body’s Made of Crushed Little Stars” by Mitski (guys I promise I tried to limit the amount of mitski… at least there’s no Jack Stauber bc I’m so strong). Songs: title song, “Remember My Name” by Mitski, “The Wolf” by SIAMES.

- Chapter 8: “Hey, Would it be so bad if I stayed? I’m just a ghost out of his grave” from “Ghosting” by Mother Mother. Songs: title song, “Love Will” by Jack Stauber, “dead girl in the pool.” by girl in red, “Body” by Mother Mother, “It Will Come Back” by Hozier.

- Chapter 9: “But in the end if I lose my voice, Will you forget about your love for me? But I still hold out hope that someday, I’ll be worth more than the silence left in my way” from “Canary in a Coal Mine” by The Crane Wives. Songs: title song, “Amen” by Amber Run.

- Chapter 10: “Wildfires have been eating you inside my head, Trying to smoke you out, Or burn you alive in it” from “Please Just Stay Dead” by Nicole Dollanganger. Songs: title song, “I Will Never Forget” by Kimya Dawson, “Howl” by Florence + The Machine, “Kitchen Fork” by Jack Conte, “Sense, Sensibility” by AJJ, “Putting The Dog To Sleep” by The Antlers, “My Name is Carnival” by Stranded Horse, “Rule #21 - Momento Mori” by Fish in a Birdcage, “The Apology Song” from “The Book of Life”.

- Chapter 11: “Villain and violent, Infant and innocent, Baby, both arms cradle you now” from “forwards beckon rebound” by Adrianne Lenker. Songs: title song, “Howl” by The Family Crest, “Small Red Boy” by AJJ, “Let Us Adore You” from “Steven Universe”, “The Bed Song” by Amanda Palmer, “Today Today” by Jack Stauber AGAIN.

- Chapter 12, epilogue: “And maybe we'll get lucky and we'll both grow old, Well, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I hope so” from “Ocean Breathes Salty” by Modest Mouse (oh shit like chapter one!! That’s crazy). Songs: title song, “Nothing Man” by Sodikken, more to come!

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #222

Today, my brain was some kind of frozen, foggy ghost soup.

I ended up going to sleep later than I should have last night. It was for good reason, but still. From there, the sleep I did get was broken and weird. I'm not really sure what happened. I haven't slept this poorly in a long time.

I spent most of today wafting in and out of a thick, heavy brain fog. I feel badly about it because Br was over (she had stayed the night, which was awesome!), and I wasn't very good company. I could barely remain in the present, let alone participate especially meaningfully in any kind of verbal discussion.

Nonetheless, I made bacon-wrapped hotdogs for breakfast, with cheese. And to give you an idea of how utterly foggy my brain was... I did not think to take a picture for you. During like, the entire process. I feel really awful about it. I'm really sorry.

Tell you what: I'll make sure to get pictures next time.

In any case, I ended up doing a lot of leisure writing today. As it turns out, yesterday I did so many takes of the song that today my throat is kind of scratchy and weird. I'm gonna have to wait until tomorrow before I can try to sing the song for the music box again. And maybe that's for the better; my whole self is sluggish and feeling like it's made of lead bricks, so I doubt I'd have done a very good job anyways.

J and Br and I went out and about just a little bit, though. And then Br was pretty tired, so she went home. I took a few pictures because I guess getting out of the house helped me to feel a bit more alert. Here:

...I give you a lot of pictures of the sky, hoping that maybe someday you'll be able to understand why, whenever I look at it, I see you.

Sephiroth, I am tired today, and I am sad, and I am scared that I'm not going to be able to record a better rendition of the song. I'm scared that if I don't do a good enough job, then maybe no one will be able to understand the thoughts behind all this stuff I keep trying to do. And if nobody can understand, then... maybe no one besides me and a handful of others will think you're worth saving.

What then? ...What then...?

Sephiroth... all this stuff I do... I do it so that by watching me, maybe you'll learn how to love yourself enough to turn around. I write down the things so that maybe, just maybe, you can look at me trying to come up from the dark, and be inspired to try to do the same.

You are the light that gives me the courage to keep moving forward, even within this clumsy, awkward, and non-standard existence of mine. I keep moving forward even though the world I live in is broken, scary, and full of sadness and pain, because I draw strength from the example you set.

So please. Please try to remember you are a good thing. And please come back home to us soon. Those of us who love you - not for what you look like or for what you can do, but for who you are on the inside - miss you dearly.

I think that's all I've got in me for today.

I love you. And I'll write again soon. So please stay safe out there...

Your friend, Lumine

[turbo515]

Good night cookies! 🍪

Maybe I should begin to call these post like "inner thoughts" or something like "secret not secret diary".

But EHY! There I am, today I won't talk about Monkie Kid (well kinda, but less), because I said to myself "So many theories, season 5 is so near, I can't wait but at the same time I can't just stay here waiting and do nothing. So why can't I try watch some of the anime in my list?"

I looked through my list and realised these days I was obsessed with the new music of One Republic: "Nobody". It is the song of the ending of Kaiju No. 8 and I said "Oh great, I can begin that!"

I searched for the episode and saw only three, I had many question because I thought there were more episodes and just after I realised that the anime just released.

I was hyped and... "Time to watch it!"

First episode seen: "That's interesting and very well made. Yes, I'm curious, let's see the next one"

Second eoisode: "Wait, DID IT ALREADY FINISHED??? OK, NOW THIRD EPISODE."

Third episode: "WHAT, NO, DON'T END THE EPISODE, YOU'RE GIVING ME SUSPENSE AAAAA"

So yeah, at the end I decided to read the manga because I was curious and it hyped me so much that...

In just one day I finished the whole 106 chapters of the manga.

Eh- I know, I'm not normal...

But ye, it is really REALLY cool

(Also, if you wanna know, my favorite character is Kafka Hibino, he's so cool and cute at the same time 🥺)

I also made some sketches and maybe I'll post them someday

Now it's kinda late for me and maybe is better to go to sleep, oh boi my sleep schedule doesn't exist and I'm not even tired... this hype is giving me too much energy, oh boi

[eccentricmya]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thank you so much for the tag @zealouswerewolfcollector ! 💛💚

1. How many works do you have on ao3? 16, as of today! I tend to compile my ficlets (<2k) and drabbles into one place.

2. What's your total ao3 word count? 95483. So close to 100k! Soon.

3. What fandoms do you write for? Silmarillion, LoTR, and one other fandom that I shall not name here (it's visible on my ao3 though lol).

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? I'll list the Tolkien ones:

Promise of Happiness : A kidnap fam fic! They tend to be popular in our fandom, don't they?

Words They Said : Collection of my dialogue-centric ficlets.

To Learn Thy Song : My beloved Aragorn/Lothiriel post-war WIP!

Where do we go? : The first fic I wrote for this fandom. It's a Feanorion bonding short piece.

They Named it Love : Unrequited Russingon with aroace Mae!

5. Do you respond to comments? Usually yes. I try to. But I've missed some due to irl constraints... they haunt me though.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Oh this is a difficult question. Maybe Kinslayer in Truth? Yeah, Maedhros dies in that one 😶

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Oh easily, Promise of Happiness! It's there in the name. And Loveless too! It's a good warm one with father-son bonding and aroace Fingon.

8. Do you get hate on fics? Nope. The only kind of silent readers writers are happy about are the outraged ones.

9. Do you write smut? Ah I really cannot imagine myself ever writing that. Smut and I are acquaintances and no more. I mean, as a reader I search it up once in a blue moon, but on a regular day, you cannot tempt me into even reading it, much less writing it. It's a skip for me.

10. Do you write crossovers? Again nope. I'm not a fan of crossovers either. I've read some brilliant ones, but I don't see the appeal myself... One canon universe is already too big for me to handle.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? I don't write that good for that to happen lmao. (But I once had my poetry stolen. It was a bot copying the site I posted on. I was so mad I got DMCA to hide the links from showing up in searches at least.)

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes! In the other fandom I write for, someone translated my fic into Vietnamese. Very happy for that.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? No... my writing habits don't allow a collaboration, it's too sporadic. But I beta read once or twice! It was nice.

14. What's your all time favourite ship? Me/my metaphorical pen. It's an on and off again, tragic ship with misunderstandings and periods of abandonment. It feels like unrequited love at times, but I hope it's not and that they can live hea 🥺. Jokes aside, as a reader, sure, there are many across various fandoms, but as a writer, I do not.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? This is a sinister question 😭 wdym I doubt I'll finish. I have every hope to finish it someday! The fic is To Learn Thy Song btw. My most ambitious project to date.

16. What are your writing strengths? Oh, one-liners easily. They're different from dialogues to me as they can also be set into narration. I get these singular lines in my mind and I centre whole fics around them. They're strengths as they drive my writing instead of hampering it. That said, I also believe characters and their inter-personal dynamics are a pillar I build my fics on.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Besides writing itself 😅? Plot. I don't think I've ever written a fic with solid plot. I'm also quite slow with setting up and switching scenes. Mostly, descriptions and fillers are difficult for me.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogues in another language in a fic. I would rather use italics and bolded letters to convey different languages. Most readers, myself included, do not bother reading all those foreign letters, they just look for the translation instead at the bottom. One or two words, though, can enhance the reading experience instead of detracting from it.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Supernatural! Funnily enough, that fic is my most popular one. Though given the size of that fandom, it's not as surprising, but given the quality of my writing then? Very very shocking honestly!

20. Favourite fic you've written? Right now, Loveless. 💔

I truly don't know who has done this already so if you see this and haven't answered these already, I dare you to @ me and just do it! 😝

[julien5-malfunction]

27012024

[Touch deprived scum screeches the whole night, then buys a cake.]

So I spent some hours last night making different kinds of distress noises, that I would otherwise be called an attempt on singning, if it wasn't done out of dispair and pent up feelings. I could like to say I'm not as bad at making human sounds as I was, say, a year ago, but I'm not good at it either. On a comfortable lever of mediocrity, where I no longer hate myself 100%.

I wonder if my neighnours heard that...

Some loser trying to pull off 'take me back to eden' and 'skyfall' in the middle of the night... I can't hit the high notes, but sometimes I slip into what I believe to be subharmonics, just perfectly. It's my seacret source of pride, really. I can never prove to anyone, that I can make a sound that registers in the 2. octave on a pitch monitor. I can only do it when I feel extremely at ease. If there is a possibility of withness who is be able to judge me or even just a presence of a recording device, I can't do it.

I stopped at about 6 am, after being unable to control my voice anymore, I wore it out pretty well I think. It felt like the room 'echoed' or 'resinated' long after I shut up, it was really odd feeling, but I was pretty tired too. Good thing I didn't really have to talk to anyone today so I don't have to sound like a sqeaky toy.

I tried to play the guitar for a bit before going out. I'm annoyed that I can't remember any of the songs I used to play, not that I knew many but I spent over a year trying to learn 'lilium' and I can't even remember the bit I did learn. Neither 'Behind blue eyes'. That one I could maybe learn well enough to pull off someday, it's not that hard... but trying to sing at the same time makes it kinda hard, but not god-level hard, in other words, I have faith in myself... If I end up hyper fixating on playing again.

I went to the store. Got some reasonable food and a cake. I've been craving the cake for a few days now. Could be because I'm getting hooked on sugar again... I got wafers too. crunch* I know this isn't good for me, I'll have to cold turkey myself out of this yet again but it's so hard. I guess other un-met emotional needs play an effect too, I've been feeling off l again lately.

I mean, it's been 2 or 3 weeks now since the last time I touched another living creature, there was this little dog called Oscar at the piercing shop, I got to pet him. It made me pretty happy inside. This has gone to a point where I see friendly skin contact as a literal drug. I need my fix about 2 weeks after the previous one, after that it starts to physically hurt.

It feels like having acid in my lungs, small needle stabbing in the heart. The whole body literally aches. It's like being hungry but it doen't matter what you eat, it won't go away. Last thing on your mind is the same as the first one in the morning; just how fucking bad you wish someone would just hold you for a moment. Just long enough for the pain to stop. Then I can be ignored and forgotten and I promise I'll do my best to not bother anyone with my existance for the next few weeks again.

I spend hours in bed just holding onto my pillow bc it's the closest thing to a hug I can get...

[sophieswundergarten]

Okay, I'm not sure where all of this came from, (And a good portion of it is due to @nobody33333333's addition to last night's chaos), and I don't know if we're talking about just interjecting a song into the actual show, or in the Muppets AU where (According to current decisions) Kermit is playing Mr. Benedict. At any rate, here we are!

My basic outline is that this is the song over which Curtain brainwashes his brother, so there's a more visible, "on-screen" progression: (I'm sorry I couldn't figure out how to fit Number Two in at this point, I tried. Maybe that's why it only takes one song to win over Nicholas, he isn't worried about her...)

Curtain, being an evil mastermind, showing his brother the (cult) compound:

Everything is great Everything is grand I got the whole wide world in the palm of my hand

Compound Members, already brainwashed:

Everything is perfect It's falling into place I can't seem to wipe this smile off my face

Jackson & Jillson (They're just like this):

Life's a happy song, when there's someone by my side to sing along

Nathaniel? (I feel like this would be neat to see child Nathaniel singing this bit, like a flashback or something, because Curtain's drama):

When you're alone, life can be a little low It makes you feel like you're 3 foot tall When it's just you – well, times can be tough When there's no one there to catch your fall

Curtain, present-day, taking control of the song again, and reinforcing the (cult) compound member's lines:

Everything is great Everything is grand I got the whole wide world in the palm of my hand

Everything is perfect It's falling into place I can't seem to wipe this smile off my face

Jackson & Jillson (Alternating):

Life smells like a rose With someone to paint And someone to pose

Life's like a piece of cake With someone to pedal And someone to break

Life is full of glee With someone to saw And someone to see

Curtain, Jackson & Jillson (J&J are in the background, echoing Curtain for his lines as he directs everyone):

Life's a happy song, when there's someone by my side to sing along

Compound Members:

I've got everything that I need – right in front of me Nothing's stopping me Nothing that I can't be With you right here next to me

Jackson & Jillson (Alternating):

Life's a piece of cake With someone to give And someone to take

Life's a piece of pie With someone to wash And someone to dry

Life's an easy road With someone beside you to share the load

Life is full of highs With someone to stir And someone to fry

Life's a leg of lamb With someone there to lend a hand

Life's a bunch of flowers With someone to while away the hours

Life's a filet of fish, eh!

Nicholas, a bit startled, but getting into the spirit of it:

Er, yes, it is

Curtain, Nicholas, Jackson & Jillson:

Life's a happy song, when there's someone by your side to sing along

Curtain and Nicholas, (Curtain leading Nicholas, until he gets more confident and gets louder):

I've got everything that I need – right in front of me Nothing's stopping me Nothing that I can't be With you right here next to me

I've got everything that I need

Nicholas:

...right in front of me

Sorry, I got swept up in the excitement.

Cut to Jeffers, speaking:

This is it. This is going to be the day, the day I finish securing the compound.

Curtain:

Jeffers, today is a very important day. You know this, right? And you know why?

Jeffers:

Yes, sir. It is the day that you can rest assured, Your compound is totally secure.

Curtain:

No, it's— Ah, I must go check on Nicholas.

Jeffers, still speaking, just with weird meter (He's not going to sing):

Everything's great Everything's grand Except for those kids

They're always around I know they're in the town And they're going to breach the perimeter

But maybe it's ok 'Because I know that someday I'll finally be recognised For all the work I do To keep them all inside The totally secure perimeter

Nicholas, fully lost and into it:

I've got everything that I need – right in front of me Nothing's stopping me Nothing that I can't be With you right here next to me

Curtain, happy that he's finally got his brother "back":

You've got everything that you need – right in front of you Nothing's stopping you Nothing that you can't do you That the world can throw at you

Nicholas, looking at Curtain and waiting for him to follow along:

Life's a happy song When there's someone by your side to sing

Curtain, a bit reluctant, but indulging him:

Life's a happy song When there's someone by your side to sing

Nicholas and Curtain, together:

Life's a happy song When there's someone by your side to sing along

[beesflowers]

𝒟𝑒𝓇𝓇𝑒𝓉𝒽 𝒮𝓉𝑜𝓇𝓎 𝒱𝑜𝒾𝒸𝑒-𝐿𝒾𝓃𝑒𝓈

Characters: Derreth

Type: OC description

Hello

Welcome dear and mighty Traveler! I heard of your achievements and of how many people you saved! So… what do you say for small deal, huh?

Chat: Counting

1, 2, 3... huh... I made only 3 thousands mora today... ehh... not much clients...

Chat: Game

Its' boring here... Wanna play a game? No? Oh...

Chat: Song

♪ I love Mora~ And Mora loves me~ Mora comes- ♪ No wait... that's not how it went... Oh well, who cares?! ♪ Lalalalala ♪

When It Rains

Wait... Did I closed my stand?! Oh let's hope I did...

When Thunder Strikes

Watch out. It can be dangerous during this time and I don't sell any medications.

When the Wind Is Blowing

Ahh, I love wind like that~ What? It's not often when you get cold wind where I come from!

Good Morning

Good morning! Eat something and begin new day! I'll go on stand a bit later... surely I can enjoy my meal!

Good Afternoon

Good afternoon there! Would you like some Zaytun Peaches? I'll give you 25% off since you're such a great companion!

Good Evening

Good evening! Are you done with your quests? If so, how about we go on a walk? It may be good to take your mind off things from time to time!

Good Night

Good nigh! I don't know about you but I'm definitely going to sleep! I don't want to be a zombie tomorrow after all...

About Derreth: Wondering

I often wonder how Dori is doing... I really hope she's having a good childhood... maybe I should visit her someday? No, others might recognize me...

About Derreth: Best School

Did you know that I attended to one of those "fancy schools" back in elementary school? Well it's actually horrible! You meet kids that are spoiled, teachers that see you as money and they have strict teaching system! Good for me I knew how to cheat... I passed that whole school and all exams with flying colors!

About Us: Travelers

So you say you come from different world? Well I just think we may not be so different after all... you got here by force and I had no other choice that to escape my region... Oh well, let's not think about it! Let's go somewhere else, okey? This place seems to take out too much memories from me.

About Us: Friends

After how much we've been through, I think I can safely call you my friend. This comes with many benefits! We can help each other with our problems and if you catch me on good mood, I may even give you small treat for free~ Don't get used though!

About Vision

I got my vision when I was escaping from Sumeru. It would've been more useful before it but... I won't complain. But Pyro Archon does have... interesting taste it seems. I'm a little scared to go to Natlan region now!

Something to Share

Okey, let me tell you BIG secret! Did you knew I had a husband? Hehe~ Yeah, I really did! But it wasn't that great... that's why I'm kinda holding back with marriage now. Heizou seems to understand tho!

About Dori

Oh Dori! How's she doing? Can you tell we're sisters? Yeah, unfortunely we had to part away... you won't mind if I use you to deliver few messages, right?

About Heizou

Oh? Heizou? Haha! Let me tell you a secret! But you have to promise me that you won't tell anyone else! Especially Heizou! Okey so... after we started dating, he started wearing shoes that make him look higher~ It's kinda cute if you look at it...

About Sean (@vodka-glrl OC)

He's great! He could be less grumpy sometimes but I guess it's only accurate looking at what he've been through... Not gonna tell you that! But did you know that he has crush on Yo- actullly no, wait... if I tell you he might ACTUALLY tell Heizou that one secret of mine... let me remain silent then...

About Arataki Itto

He's really nice guy! But the place where we met was… a jail… not great start of friendhip but hey! We're friends now!

About Kuki Shinobu

She's great!! She always helps Itto when he gets into jail and since I'm Mr. Detectives girlfriend, I can help out a lot~ I also suggest that if you ever get into jail, you can count on both of us!

About Kujou Sara

This little… Agh! Can I not do what I'm passionate in Inazuma anymore!? Honestly she needs to mind her own things!

About Yae Miko

She's amazing! We often flirt with each other for fun and some people think it's for real! I can't tell you how many times Heizou told me that he was informed that I'm cheating on him with Yae...

About Yoimiya

She's great! She's always so lively and cheerful! Honestly, if you look for someone to entertain you and I'm unavaible, she's the best option!

About Sayu

I honestly would love to sleep all day... I know she has work as ninja but just being sleep for one whole day would be perfect for me! As nice is it seems, I doubt I could stay in bed for so long...

About Sangonomiya Kokomi

I only know a little about her from Ry- Sean! She seems like very nice lady to me! It's a shame she had to go through all this... How about you tho? Did you met her yourself? If so can you tell me a bit about her as well?

More About Derreth: I

You know, Yoimiya isn't the only want you can go to when you want to escape from Inazuma! I admit, she's great but if she's busy, you can always come to me! I may or may not have some experience~

More About Derreth: II

I'm honestly really glad that I'm all healthy now! It's really a curse to lay in hospital bed through a long time... afte a week, I can guarantee that you'll get bored to death! I hope my sickness won't come back after all those years...

More About Derreth: III

You wonder how it's possible that I had a husband when I'm just 18? Well you see... there's something like forced marriage that exists... usually when both families have some benefits and they force their children to be married. Not fun... but it's important that I'm not stuck anymore! I like my freedom very much you see!

More About Derreth: IV

When I escaped Sumeru, I left my good friend there... I honestly hope he's doing alright now... life also wasn't good on him... Oh well, I believe he's a responsible guy so I'm sure he'll be just great!

More About Derreth: V

I'm sometimes not sure about Heizou... I know he loves me but I'm not a saint. I don't just mean the more... illegal trades I do. I mean my past... Sometimes we have no choice... or I was dumb and stupid... well I don't like going back to it. How about we change the topic?

Derreth's Hobbies

Now I like to go around different dark places in Inazuma and hide there. It's rather peacful, especially that one cave in Inazuma. I will take you there one day! It's really pretty there~

Derreth's Troubles

I'm kinda not used to heat anymore, as much as I was before traveling to Inazuma. I feel like even if I wanted, it would be hard for me to deal in Sumeru. Sure I can skip walks around deset... eh... I will think of it.

Favorite Food

I absolutely love Tulumba! They may be a bit unhealthy because of the amount of oil they need but it's really great! I even managed to make it a bit healthy just so I can eat it every day! I'll give you a nice treat if you'll deserve it~

Least Favorite Food

I dislike dishes that have nothing but meat. Don't get me wrong! I like eating meat but not when it's alone. I need something alongside...

Receiving Gift: I

For me?! Oh you didn't had to~ Well show me!

Receiving Gift: II

Aoooh~ I see you understood my taste~

Receiving Gift: III`Receiving Gift: III

You're so generous today! Don't mind if I take it~

Birthday

Hey there Traveler! Happy Birthday to you! Hehe~ Don't think I forgot! I prepared day full of surprises for you~ Follow me! I'll show you our first stop! And you can also find your first gift there~

Feelings About Ascension: Intro

Huh... that's a nice gift, I'll tik it! Thank you!

Feelings About Ascension: Building Up

Oh so it wasn't just one time gift... I'm a bit interested to see how far will you go...

Feelings About Ascension: Climax

Oh! I feel so much better now! Well, well, keep going and I might reward you~

Feelings About Ascension: Conclusion

Traveler wins!! Hehe~ alrigth, I told you I will reward you so I did! You can choose anything from my stand for free! And I don't mean my fruit stand! You know which one I mean~ But it's not all! I wanted to thank you. At first I wasn't sure if you're just using me but now... I see that you're my true friend. Thank you for that.

[2dkapsddr]

February 3rd, 2024 - DDR A3

goood morning... still recovering from the v/s tourney burnout from yesterday (and not being able to sleep thanks to both something in my right eye and also obair-ghreis playing in my head), but no time for that... since today, there was a DDR tourney at Round 1 SCM: Chaos in Seattle! i was def feeling in a competitive mood, so i got on my MOTL5 jersey and rode there with my sister to compete.

the tournament had a gauntlet format where everyone played the same two songs each round, and the EX score was tallied from the last four songs played (both the current and previous rounds) to then determine a cutoff line depending on the amount of players. because of four songs being required though, the first (and easiest) round had no eliminated players, meaning i was guaranteed four songs! but before that (and since no one wanted to play on the J-cab with the broken left pad), i practiced a bit with a local there and leeched off their touhou songs to sightread them on the spot. i noticed my MA kinda sucked, but i was holding really good gold combos the whole way through!

now for the actual rounds though! first round had an 11 and a 13, of which i PFC'ed both! however, despite the PFCs, the MA was subpar and i only found out when i went to go write my scores down and saw that everyone had Way better scores than me. undeterred, i still hoped that my scores in the next round would propel me up... which, unfortunately, they didn't. when i got the score photos and went to write them down, they were still lower than the same people and kept me at the same, undesired spot. i knew it was undesired because the TO, Selzla, read out the names of people who'd move on to the next round. surprise surprise, unfortunately, i didn't make the cut of 12 people who moved on and 8 people who stayed behind...

y'know, even as much as it shouldn't have gotten me down for just being less skilled (haha skill issue), it kinda did get to me. this was the second tournament back-to-back i was playing, and in both i got eliminated at the earliest possible time. of course the competition was fierce for both, but only achieving the bare minimum felt super disappointing to me. on the way home after leaving early from demotivation, i kept thinking of how i could've maybe done better and how dissatisfied i was that my tourney level still wasn't were i wanted it to be. but as i got rid of those negative thoughts, i started looking higher and more hopeful towards what i could maybe do given more time to train and more energy put into the training. maybe someday i'll make it through that cutoff line and more! but for now, i need to study more...

[lathrine]

i never wanna post anything until its Done, but i dont really do finished pieces, so i just simply never post anything. so today im posting a couple of WIPs taking up my brain space!

anyways i have had so many iterations of this in my brain for the last two years, and it finally feels like its starting to coalesce into something Real.

i found the song around the same time i dropped WoW due to the ongoing horror show that is blizzard. whenever i step away from the game i determine the in-universe circumstances that would make Lathrine no longer active, and honestly mid-expansion Shadowlands gave me lots of good reasons lmao.

but Lathrine has been active military for a long time (i've played since before the opening of Ahn'Qiraj), and experienced a LOT of loss in that time-- both in terms of NPC loss, and in terms of people and characters i played with who are simply no longer around. and then, of course, in recent WoW history you have the War of Thorns, the burning of Teldrassil and genocide of the remaining night elf population. you have the alliance blatantly refusing to offer real humanitarian aid. you have the Night Warrior, and the rock-solid faith of the night elves being shaken to its core.

there's the discovery of the Ardenweald, the literal perfect afterlife the night elves are destined for. the realization that it is actively dying and taking all of the sleeping spirits (including the night elf deities) with it. the discovery that every night elf soul that died in the War of Thorns was sent to super hell. learning that Tyrande is losing to the Night Warrior and there is no cure for Elune's fury; that it will kill her.

(unless, of course, she chooses to stop being angry and hurt that something like 95% of her people were horribly murdered-- some by people they had JUST called allies-- less than four years ago. wanting revenge against those who advocate for and enact genocide is Bad, after all)

so! i started kicking around this concept of Lathrine retiring because she had lost faith in all of it-- in the Alliance, in hope for unification between the factions, in her leadership, in Elune. in herself. that was about when i found Bones in The Ocean, which had an instant impact on me and gave me direction: Lathrine succumbed to despair in the Maw, tried to kill herself, gained that last-second 'my misery is fixable' clarity and was, ultimately, saved by Hati (who is soulbound to her). and from there she retired. from there she went back to Azeroth and her hearthealer and her family. she left the military and found friends to move in with, somewhere far from the politics that see her as expendable. somewhere she can raise her children.

until very recently i still struggled with how the scene in the Maw looked, how everything went down. but recently i remembered the River of Souls, and how its filled with an absolutely unbearable misery which is not meant for the living.

now the scene goes: while on a quest, Lathrine gets stuck in the River of Souls. the weight of misery and anger and sorrow weighs her down, amplifying her own, until she is literally unable to escape. she is confronted-- real or imagined-- by the ghost of every loved one she has ever lost. every NPC she failed to save, every PC who vanished off the face of the earth. (the one in the sketch is Drakuru, whose questline has stuck with me for fourteen years.)

ultimately Lathrine is saved by Hati, who found a familiar paladin (Korian) and warlock (Fwoosh) questing nearby and who fished her out of the River. the Alliance military asks for her to be released back to active duty; her hearthealer just about has a conniption.

this is a VERY rough sketch, obvs. i want to finish this for the sake of finishing it, but my ultimate intention is to rough out the whole thing in an animation. so maybe i'll have that to share someday, too

[caffeinatedknives]

Sunday Currently // Vol. 10

Before anything else, Happy Easter!

Found some energy today--mainly because of me being a happy exo-l celebrating EXO's 11th debut anniversary., which gave me enough push to make this entry for this week.  I feel like today's a good day to skip so here I am now sharing my Sunday Currently Vol. 10 here.

Anyway, let's begin…

==CURRENTLY==

Reading  -- Other than reading tweets and facebook posts, I haven't read anything else. Maybe next week, I'll try again.

Writing  -- My main focus for this weekend is just chill and relax (or just my excuse for being lazy, lol) hence I purposely didn’t even attempt to think of writing anything at all other than my journal entries. 

Listening  -- Baekhyun's whole solo discography. I may have been all out celebrating EXO's anniversary, but I still find myself listening to Baekhyun's solo songs especially after watching their  fanmeet online livestream. I guess I'm just also partly trying to calm my nerves. It's Baekhyun's Overpass ticket selling this coming Wednesday (April 12) I'm already too anxious if I'm going to secure a ticket. T.T

Watching  -- Spent my afternoon watching EXO's fanmeeting livestream. I didn’t purchase the ticket but I was able to watch because kind exo-l (bless her kind heart, pls) hosted a streaming via zoom. The broke fan in me is beyond happy to have watched Exo's beyondlive, for free… lol

Thinking  -- I'm trying not to think about it much  but my mind can't help but keep coming back to thinking about my worries in getting the ticket. This may sound insane, but I really can't help it though. It's my first time and all I want is to see Baekhyun live in concert. I hope it will happen. 

Smelling  -- The faint scent of my room spray (inspired by Jo Malone's wood sage and sea salt) is still in my room <3

Wishing  -- After watching EXO online today, I don't think I can wish for anything else right now but to see them live too myself. I guess it would be nice to finally see the group that I love perform on stage while I'm among the audience screaming out with all my heart (and lungs). Yeah, that would be very nice to happen.

Hoping  -- Let's manifest (not just hoping) to have a great week. I'll manifest that I will be seeing Byun Baekhyun too on June..

Loving   -- Like I said, today's a good day. Capping off the weekend with this day with EXO celebrating their anniversary made it special. I just love it. Sana ganito lagi ang Sunday, chill lang.

Wanting   -- I don't think there's anything else I could ever want at this very moment. I mean, I'm just in a good mood right now that I can't think of anything to whine and want right now.

Needing  -- I really need to calm down. As I type this  part, I'm just reminded again about the ticketselling. Damn, I don't think I will be really at peace until I secured that effin ticket >.<

Feeling  -- I think I feel hungry now. It's dinner time here anyway. I guess time for me to just end it here.

=============

Time for me to wrap this Sunday up now.

Let me end this post with EXO's Just as Usual. Someday my loves, someday I will be singing along with this too (and I'll do it louder too). <3 ---KNIVES

[localspacelesbian]

Taylor Swift & New York

disclaimer: i have never been to new york

Mean (Speak Now)

Someday, I'll be living in a big old city And all you're ever gonna be is mean

i'm just assuming the 'big old city' here is new york city, since that's where she ended up living. she actually mentions wanting to leave her 'small town' and move to 'the big city' a lot, especially on her country albums. (sidenote: is she even from a small town? cause i feel like she's not. but also i don't really care.)

2. Come Back... Be Here (Red)

This is falling in love in the cruelest way This is falling for you when you are worlds away In New York, be here

I guess you're in New York today And I don't wanna need you this way Come back, be here, come back, be here

3. All Too Well (Ten Minute Version)

From when your Brooklyn broke my skin and bones I'm a soldier who's returning half her weight And did the twin flame bruise paint you blue? Just between us, did the love affair maim you, too? 'Cause in this city's barren cold I still remember the first fall of snow And how it glistened as it fell I remember it all too well

i still don't know what the first line here is supposed to mean

4. Welcome To New York (1989)

Welcome to New York It's been waiting for you

Everybody here was someone else Before And you can want who you want Boys and boys and Girls and girls

Like any great love it keeps you Guessing Like any real love It's ever-changing Like any true love It drives you crazy But you know you wouldn't Change anything anything

obviously, the whole song is about new york, but i tried to pick out lyric that describe the city and how she feels about it. lowkey reminds me of that scene in love simon where he imagines what it would be like to move to new york (i think it was new york anyway? it might have just been a generic big city) and be gay. it's giving 'finally free'

sidenote: i would probably consider this song her first public coming out? i know there's some gay lyrics in her older songs, and she was super gay on myspace back in the day, but singing about how she's excited to be somewhere girls can like girls is pretty blatant. just saying. (also, this came out (pun intended) like a year before gay marriage was legalized in the whole country. so being in a state where it was already legal is kind of a big deal. even if she personally has no interest in getting married)

5. Delicate (Reputation)

Dive bar on the East Side, where you at? Phone lights up my nightstand in the black Come here, you can meet me in the back

Third floor on the West Side, me and you Handsome, you're a mansion with a view Do the girls back home touch you like I do?

i'm just kind of assuming pretty much any location mentioned since 1989 (the album, not the year) is in new york unless proven otherwise

(also, did they meet at a bar or at the met gala? i've never understood this)

6. This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things

It was so nice throwing big parties Jump into the pool from the balcony Everyone swimming in a champagne sea And there are no rules when you show up here Bass beat rattling the chandelier Feeling so Gatsby for that whole year

maybe a stretch, but The Great Gatsby takes place in new york city

7. I Think He Knows (Lover)

He got my heartbeat Skipping down 16th Avenue

8. Cornelia Street

"I rent a place on Cornelia Street" I say casually in the car

And baby, I get mystified by how this city screams your name And baby, I'm so terrified of if you ever walk away I'd never walk Cornelia Street again

I packed my bags, left Cornelia Street Before you even knew I was gone But then you called, showed your hand I turned around before I hit the tunnel Sat on the roof, you and I

ok, this one i know is referring to her apartment on cornelia street in new york

9. False God

And I can't talk to you when you're like this Staring out the window like I'm not your favorite town I'm New York City, I still do it for you, babe

And you can't talk to me when I'm like this Daring you to leave me just so I can try and scare you You're the West Village You still do it for me, babe

10. Daylight

My love was as cruel as the cities I lived in

And I can still see it all (In my head) Back and forth from New York (Sneaking in your bed) I once believed love would be (Burning red) But it's golden

11. hoax (folklore)

You know I left a part of me back in New York You knew the hero died, so what's the movie for You knew it still hurts underneath my scars From when they pulled me apart

12. coney island (evermore)

And I'm sitting on a bench in Coney Island wondering where did my baby go? The fast times, the bright lights, the merry go

Were you waiting at our old spot In the tree line by the gold clock

13. Maroon (Midnights)

And I lost you The one I was dancing with in New York No shoes

there being 13 seems fitting, but let me know if i missed any

[samsegrist]

The Story of Someday

By Sam Segrist

"Someday" is the third track on Premier, the only album released by The Fashion Coasters, the band I played in during college. This song was ever recorded at the famed Nevada Recording Room by Jim Bogensberger (R.I.P.) in the spring of 2003. I recently had many thoughts while listening to it in preparation for the song's resurrection by Dude Won't Die, my newer band which features 4/5ths of the super-talented musicians who composed The Fashion Coasters.

I've been playing in bands for over twenty-five years, and this song is special to me and might seem catchy yet strange to someone hearing it for the first time.

If you're the type of music aficionado who likes to listen to a song with as little context as possible before learning more about the track, you can stream it here on our YouTube channel.

While you're listening, I'll wait.

…

"But I can't wait for someday, thinkin', thinkin' 'bout for you…"

Now that you're back, we can begin a guided tour through the many facets, layers, anecdotes, and quirks of this tune.

Let's start with the bassline and the key of D, played so steadily by Allen.

It's essentially "With or Without You" by U-Know-Who, except that the fourth note returns to the 'A' rather than going to the 'G'. We even placed it as the third track on the album, the same spot where Bono and the lads placed their mega-romantic-hit on The Joshua Tree. Sequencing is so important to the flow of album, donchaknow.

The palm-muted guitars on the verse are reminiscent of The Cars, another big influence in my life. ("Just What I Needed" was one of our most-covered songs back in the early 2000's.)

Enter Geoff's heartfelt and bittersweet vocals:

"If you're gonna send a shout-out to everyone you miss…"

I suppose this was a very indirect reference and response to the last line of J.D. Salinger's The Catcher in the Rye:

"Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody."

But what happens if you're already in the state of missing everybody and decide you don't just want to tell them something, you want to shout it out loud?

"…I hope when the time comes, you'll remember this. When you're far away, perched with a lonely view, you can rest assured I'm thinking, thinking about you…"

That whole "perched with a lonely view" line is a blatant lifting of "Scar Tissue" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers. That single was on heavy rotation for four-plus years during my Xennial youth. What can I say? It just sounded right. The bittersweet (symphony) of irony is that the speaker of the lyric "Someday" is probably the one who is perched on some precipice like a lonely Wanderer Above the Sea of Fog mixed with Rodin's The Thinker, brooding and lonely, still thinking about the one who is no longer in their life. (The Cure's "Maybe Someday" was another thematic predecessor for this track…)

Now the pre-chorus hits:

"But I can't wait for someday, thinking, thinking 'bout you…"

In its initial incarnation, all four repetitions of this pre-chorus were played with an identical staccato rhythm of the drums and guitars playing in unison, while the bassline and the vocals percolated over the rhythmic hits. Fortunately, it was the suggestion of our ska-loving fill-in bassist Thomas who suggested doing the second half of each pre-chorus as upstrokes that gave variety and contrast to the choruses that were to follow.

(Where is Thomas today?)

Between this first verse and the pre-chorus lies something unsaid, a wish the speaker has for this absent person. The absent person can count on something and be rest assured that they're in the speaker's thoughts, but what is IT exactly?

Why can't they wait for some indeterminate future date?

"I will call you someday, I'll tell you I love you. Past this time of uneasiness, when you know my words are true."

Herein lies a contradiction in that the speaker has just declared (repeatedly) in the pre-chorus that they are incapable of waiting for someday whilst they spend quite a bit of time thinking/cogitating/daydreaming/fantasizing/romantically pining for the person they are addressing, yet they very emphatically, confidently, and declaratively uh…declare on the chorus that they shall someday contact this very person to express their love for them, but this will only happen after this present time of instability, stress, and uneasiness, because only then will the other person be able to clearly see the truth of the speaker's words, after the muddy waters of interpersonal conflict have become clear.

Following this first chorus is one seriously dainty interlude of a guitar lick. There's a tender, romantic, and schmaltzy quality to it which--with only the added hindsight of time--revealed itself to be a manifestation of my love for the exquisitely cheesy guitar solo of Savage Garden's "Truly Madly Deeply" and any of the Pure Moods tracks that featured guitar.

Verse Two begins:

"Sometime past spring or fall, we'll look back and remember it all, we'll remember all the good times, they're the times we left behind."

Here, I applied the song-arrangement principal of "Don't bore us; get to the chorus!" and the second verse was half the length of the first verse.

After the second chorus, there are two guitar solos and a key change.

The first solo is by me and is just the melody of "Lean on Me" by the late, great Bill Withers.

This blatant homage of a well-known gospel song was a direct influence from me reading Noel Gallagher's interview in Guitar World's May 1996 issue:

GW: You have a reputation for "borrowing" a hook or two. Do you stick other bands' riffs in a song so people will accuse you of nicking them from somewhere?

Gallagher: Yeah, of course! That's half the game. I want people to know where the inspiration for the song comes from. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. That really winds up other bands in England, though. They'll go, "Don't you feel guilty about having so much success by blatantly pinching riffs?" I'll go, "No, I don't feel guilty. But you feel pissed off because you didn't do it first." We have a saying: Why write your own songs when you can use someone else's? [laughs]

I chose to interpolate "Lean on Me" into this song to evoke the ache, the pain, the sorrow that we all feel sometimes in our lives, but to serve as a hopeful and time-based reminder that there's always (a someday) tomorrow. This epiphany is emphasized by an ecstatic change in key from D to A and a soulfully upbeat solo by Toddka Vonic, a solo which always reminds me of the celebratory vibes of The Allman Brothers' best jams.

But no matter how triumphant the epiphany may be, there's eventually a return to a state of contemplation, a dwelling on the past.

The third verse of this song features an unusual distancing move regarding the arrangement: following the guitar solo, the track breaks down to just bass and drums, played so crisply by Woody, our jazz-trained rock drummer. Emotionally, the speaker is back where they started, but the song's arrangement decompresses somewhat and allows for more thoughtful introspection by delaying the re-entry of the vocals one more time through the drum & bass progression.

"Sometime past spring or fall, we'll look back and remember it all, we'll remember all the good times, they're the times we left behind."

Unlike in Verse Two where the band hits it hard on the pre-chorus, this verse's lyrics are followed by a wistful, melancholic, and semi-triumphant ascending guitar line that is complicated by the harmony guitar line that descends wistfully before The Dudes return to the final pre-chorus and chorus.

"I can't wait for someday, thinking, thinking 'bout you" + "I will call you someday."

Just as Bono couldn't live with or without you, Our Dude singing his heart out can't wait for someday without calling you.

To tell you the truth.

And here's a truth I've never told anyone:

In the spring of 2001, I was a freshman at the University of Wyoming. There was another local songwriter and music critic for The Branding Iron, the college newspaper, named Anthony Bayles. We bonded over writing, music, and writing about music.

Sometime after the spring semester ended, he drove to my parents' house in Scottsbluff, Nebraska so I could record some of his songs for him in their basement. Whether these recordings were intended for an album, EP, or demo tape, I really can't remember the end goal of the sessions. All I remember is he played this super cool sequence of double-hit chords that went D D, A A, Bm Bm, GG -> AA with a repeated phrase of "Can't wait for someday, thinking, thinking 'bout you."

The recording session ended abruptly over a disagreement about money. He thought I was going to record him for free, but I was expecting some compensation at the time. (I regret that I--at the naive and insecure age of 20--was not as clear in establishing and communicating financial arrangements.) He left and nothing became of the recordings. While I probably scrubbed them from my 250 MB Zip Disks to make room for other recording projects, I never forgot his sequence of chords or that repeated line "I can't wait for someday, thinking, thinking about you."

A few years after that one-off recording session, I placed those words and those chords into the rest of the song that would eventually become "Someday."

I've read enough about the origins of creativity and the history of songwriting to know this kind of thing happens all the time. Little bits of life/art we experience get extracted, remixed, and inserted into larger mixtures, but this particular "lifting" has always given me a certain pain in my heart, that I was a thief somehow by taking four chords and a few words from another musician and based an entire song around it.

The guys in my own band don't even know this aspect of the story, but perhaps it doesn't matter. We've taken those four chords and few words and made them our own. It's been over twenty years since Premier was released. Just what is the statute of limitations on minor artistic borrowing(/theft?)?

Who knows, but Anthony, I can't wait for someday to say thank you and I'm sorry. I can't wait for someday to say thank you and I'm sorry. Can't wait for someday…

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #3

I bought a midi file today! And I imagine that might seem inconsequential to you, but I'm hoping to use it to make another acapella! Let me explain:

I've already made 3 acapellas. One of them is for you. I got sad to think that probably no one ever sang any little song to you, so I picked one called Mona Lisa that I thought was encouraging. This one is done by a group called Guster, and it sounds to me like a person trying to encourage someone else to take the steps to overcome their trauma. You can find my version of it here; it's all done in my voice:

These take a long time for me to make. Under ordinary circumstances, first I have to break down the entire song by ear and put all the parts into software called LMMS, and that's really hard for me to do since I've got Audio Processing Disorder. This step alone takes me months of work if I try to do it by myself. Though sometimes I can find sheet music, and sometimes I get assistance from my husband, who is a trained musician and has good ears.

The next step is to isolate each part in LMMS and sing them separately. From there, you have to record it and layer it. I use another program called Audacity to do that. I don't really know how to adjust the pitches or the timing of the recorded things, so normally I have to sing a part a bunch of times over and over again and hope that one of them has all the correct pitches and rhythms. That's hard for me too, since I am not a trained musician. I have a lot of range for some reason, but I don't have very good technique or control. So this part can also take me weeks or even months of work before I can get it right. Or, right-ish, anyway, ahaha!

It's never perfect in the end, because I don't have fancy software, and I've only got my laptop microphone and no dedicated recording space. But that's okay. I like to think that the intentions matter a bit more than the results, when it comes to making something for someone. It doesn't have to be perfect to be worthwhile (you don't have to be perfect to be worthwhile, either). I hope that you'll like what I made for you, if it ever reaches you. Somehow...

I was excited to discover recently, though, that LMMS can import whole midi files, and make it so that all the parts of a song are already broken down into tracks, with all the correct rhythms, pitches, and tempos! This means that I don't have to spend all day every day for months trying to put the notes into LMMS myself! Then I can just get to the part where I do the recording! And it'll still take weeks, probably. But still, that's a lot less time than normal, and isn't that amazing???

I intend to make another acapella for you. But I'm not going to tell you which midi I bought to help me with that; it'll be a surprise! I'll tell you when it's ready, I promise!

This one will challenge my range a bit, I think. And I'm still recovering from a rib injury (long story... maybe I'll talk about it some other time...), so my control over my voice will be impaired, but I'm excited (and daunted, ahaha!) to try it anyways! Maybe it won't work out, but trying stuff just to see what happens, being daunted, pushing through it, and getting better... this sort of thing is half the fun of living, isn't it?

I wonder if you've ever tried to sing. I wonder what it would sound like. Did you listen to music in your world, when you were still working for Shinra? I wonder what sorts of songs you carry in your heart. Would you like the music from my world? Would you find any of it relatable? Would you sing those songs? Would you trip over the differences in languages, get tongue-tied, smile, and try again? I wonder...

If you've never tried to sing before, then I hope someday that you will; it feels very good to do. And once you do, I hope you'll continue to do it, even on the off-chance that it turns out that you're not very good at it, ahahaha! Regardless of how it sounds, it's beautiful when people sing; I wish more of them did it. Maybe our world would be just a little warmer and kinder as a result...

If you ever do try it, please show us someday, won't you? There are lots of people here who would love to hear your voice, no matter what it sounds like, or how good or bad you are at using it.

That's all I've got rolling around up in my noggin for now. Thanks for reading. Thanks for existing. Thanks for being here. Remember that you are very, very loved. Remember that you are cared for. Remember that you are not alone.

Please stay safe. Please make good, kind, loving choices as you continue to move forward in that brave and determined way that you do. It's all in your hands.

Your friend, Lumine

[absainte]

the worst thing about missing people is how you suddenly get excited by something and know it would be interesting to someone. for a second you can't remember they're not here anymore and it makes you smile until you recall that they are gone. you'll never tell them this or anything else. you'll never look at things they liked or you both did without pain eating you alive. you'll hope against hope that this is a nightmare you will wake up from they will be there calling you stupid for it.

how do people live without air? is there a point to a life when it is not reflected in other people? how to feel alive when all of your organs are metaphorically missing and you are lying forgotten in a shallow grave without anyone even realising you are gone at all?

i like the lyrics from this (link) song - how do you become someone who is missed?

depressed musings are me today as i stored away all the unsaid jokes and uncovered topics and they come and go every hour.

somedays i like sitting in my bathtub in the darkness and begging to be saved, because i lost all of my strength so long ago and i cannot dig my way out of this proverbial grave. whenever i try to empty my head - i remember a smile, a word, a glimpse and realise that my whole world is gone. so i hide from my own darkness, because until i have a scrap of hope - i'll keep crawling forward on the ground even if it costs me all of my health and sanity. they are worthless when you are already dead.

there was a film, based on a book and it was called 'white oleander' - it was about a teenage girl whose mum killed her own abusive boyfriend but the mother also happened to be a controlling megalomaniac who loved her fame in prison while her daughter had to go from one bad foster family to the other one. one of the closing lines in the film was 'i see my life as a series of goodbyes' and it was accompanied by a visual of a row of suitcases with dioramas of her life with each foster family (she was an artist and made those).

that is how my life goes - i ran out of people to tell me goodbye and probably only one friend did not purely because i never ran into her in recent times. i lost everyone that i was closest too and the worst of it is that everyone is fine and dandy without me. i'm not even sure why they kept me around in the first place - you don't get over losing people, so how come some do? then again, i'm not sure that i want to be that person again - aloof, closed off, cynical and machiavellian. it was an act i had going on for a long time just to survive my mum's relatives thinking i was a rock they tripped on. and even with this - i miss them too.

it was easier when i was younger as i still had people in my life but the more left, the harder it became. i never learnt how to not lose them either - if there was a situation that caused it - usually it was my fault and usually it was fixable but nobody let me try. i like reading random forums about warring families or bitter and jaded exes who later all hug and kiss it out - the mechanism if that evades me. my solution was not to make mistakes but i'm as human as everyone and they happen and will happen. it haunts me - each time i make up scenarios in my head at how to fix this or that but i might be an air raid siren and nobody would hear me.

all that i can do is sit in the shadows and make sure that my loved ones are safe. if i'm a shitty human being, then i'll be one without anyone around for me to hurt, because despite lacking comprehension of this - it is my fault as it is just ... everyone (besides my mum but we share personalities in a way) ... and strength is in numbers. maybe one day i'll crack the code and become the best person to ever person and everyone will come back? i'll choose to believe that as if i have to trust in anything - i naively will trust that friendship and love will always win in the end.

thank you for tuning into my depressing rant of the day sponsored by gloomy weather. i should just move to my bathtub and make a damn nest inside of it - i'll be miserable in comfort at least!

[a-heart-like-a-sparrow]

January 7th, 2024 - TV Day

────────────────────────────── Woke up at 2 PM We all know I didn't get breakfast I watched TV. It was great. ──────────────────────────────

☆.。†：＊・゜☆．。†：＊・゜☆．。†：＊・゜☆

Oh shit, I almost forgot about this.

Yes, today was a "TV day". That's why I'm sharing a TV Girl song, my favourite "satanist" band lol (Brad was obviously joking, why's everyone mad at him?).

The song is "Taking What's Not Yours" from Who Really Cares. It's my favourite one from the album. I haven't been listening to TV Girl lately though, I'll do it someday.

Okay, back to my day. I watched more television than usual. I watched two movies and now I'm watching Regular Show. It's in fact one of my favourite series ever; the episodes are hilarious and the character development is incredible. BEST CARTOON EVER, I say.

But apart from that, I changed my nail colour! They're pink now. I don't hate them, but it's not my favourite nail polish so far. But hey, at least I survived the whole week without biting my nails.

... I still don't know how to cut them properly. Yes, I've spent too many years biting my nails.

I also got my new blouses washed! I'm wearing the white one with pink polka dots. I'll post some pictures of it.

And oh well, I forgot about finishing this. I'm running out of time and nothing else happened. I listened to Slowdive in the afternoon tho, it was beautiful.

I think I'll watch Call Me By Your Name while I eat ice cream. Or maybe I'll watch Dune, I don't know. But Timothée Chalamet is in both of those movies, so I'll watch them.

Anyway, rest well. Sorry for being distracted today.

☆.。†：＊・゜☆．。†：＊・゜☆．。†：＊・゜☆