#maybe I'm just selfish but my room is like my little personal space

[sweet-herba-mystica-archive]

why is all the internet and shit in my room because the internet will go down once and then suddenly everyone is in my room trying to fix it and I don't like people in my room

[letstrip-teamblue]

Treat you like a lady

• Your boyfriend doesn’t pay enough attention to you. Chris doesn’t like that.

• This is extremely cheesy!! That’s just how I am. Contains smut.

• Word count: 2,031

Sunday

Today is a weekend like any other; you’re lounging on the triplets’ couch.

The tv is playing as background noise. Chris is on his laptop working on new Fresh Love designs while you lay next to him scrolling pinterest. You've known each other long enough that you can enjoy each other's company without forcing conversation. Simply being around him allows you to relax, and vice versa. You can’t find that with many people.

A sex scene causes the pair of you to look up. You exchange looks and chuckle like teenagers at it.

Chris breaks the awkward silence.

“Is it actually that good or is she playing it up?”

“Don’t know.” I shrug and go back to my phone.

I can see Chris’s brows furrow from my peripheral vision.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I’ve never had a guy go down on me before.”

“What?”

You look up from your phone.

“…What.” You echo.

“No, what do you mean you’ve never had head before? You have a boyfriend. You’ve had a boyfriend for 3 months.”

Your cheeks get warm.

Think of a way to brush this off.

“It’s not a big deal. Not everyone’s into that.”

He seems stunned, gaze focused on his sneakers.

“... Do you do it for him?”

A sigh leaves your lips, “Chris-”

“No, listen to me. If he’s not reciprocating then the problem clearly isn't that he's uncomfortable. It's that he's selfish.”

Who does Chris think he is that he can judge your love life?

“This is none of your business.” You scoff.

“I think I should go.” You stand up and grab your bag.

Chris doesn’t give up yet.

“Okay, forget about that part for a second. When’s the last time he took you out? When's the last time he surprised you?”

You're struggling to swallow down a still-beating heart. You're avoiding eye contact with an angry version of one of your closest friends, and you’re trying to block out the possibility that what he's saying could be true.

“I’ll see you later, Chris.”

7:00 pm

Chris: I'm sorry. I overstepped earlier. just think you deserve better.

You read and reread the message. Typing out a reply and deleting it. Maybe what you need is space. You put your phone on do not disturb and crawl under the covers.

Trying to distance yourself from Chris would prove to be a waste of time because you end up having a dream about him.

“Hey gorgeous” a voice whispers in your ear.

It sounds familiar but there’s no one else with you in this room, so you can’t match the voice with a face. Whoever it’s coming from, their voice sounds like silk.

You're twisting your head around to try and find the source. Whoever’s in here with you finds that amusing because laughter follows.

“I'm over here, goof.”

It’s him. He walks over to you with a smile on his face and those big blue eyes.

“What are you doing here?” you asked

“I just missed you.” he says as he grabs your hand and twirls you around.

1:12 am

Well, that’s a first.

Monday

Chris opened the front door.

“Hey, I’m so glad you wanted to come over.” He said smiling.

Your face however wasn’t as cheerful.

“Yeah about that,”

You cleared your throat and walked inside.

“I think we should spend a little time apart. Like a refresh.”

His expression dropped instantly. You can’t keep eye contact. It’s too hard.

“What?”

“It’s not personal, it’s-”

“Did he put you up to this?”

“Chris , this is my relationship, stay out of it.” You say sternly.

“How can I when you’re all I think about?”

The air in the room gets thick.

“What?”

“I mean,” He scrunched his eyes and rubs his forehead. Flipping through the pages of his brain for the right words.

“I could treat you better than him.”

You laugh, “What are you talking about?”

He slowly brings his hand up and tucks a stray piece of hair behind your ear.

“You know it’s true.”

He takes a step toward me, his breath on my cheeks.

“I can make you feel good.”

You involuntarily gulped, which caused him to smirk. He tries to hide it.

Your mouth moves but no sound emits from it. You feel paralyzed.

He must be bluffing… right?

“Let me show you.” he whispered, pulling you out of your thoughts.

You don’t know exactly when he stepped closer but your noses are now touching.

I need to stop this.

“I have a boyfriend.” You say in a meek voice.

Chris very lightly put his right hand on your stomach. You can feel the warmth of his large hand through your shirt.

“Does he make you nervous like I do?”

Chris' eyes fall to your lips.

“If you want me to stop, I will. Just say the word.”

Shit.

Soft, pink lips touch yours. You don’t kiss back but don’t run away either. Just wanting to take in the dimensions and texture of his lips. He starts to pull back.

Wait, don’t go anywhere.

You press your lips forward, chasing him.

It makes him smile into the kiss, which in turn makes you smile. The weird sensation causes you both to start laughing.

He straightens up.

“I wanna be with you too. Wo don’t know why I was ever with him in the first place.”

Chris can’t contain his smile. He covers his mouth.

“Sorry. I know I should be more… apologetic? I guess? But I’m not. I want you all to myself.”

“Yes, you've made that quite clear.”

You pull Chris back in for a kiss by his hoodie, it makes his insides stir. He places both his hands on the sides of your face, deepening the kiss.

You pull back for air.

“I should go tell him it’s over before things go any further.”

“Ok.”

But Chris goes right back to kissing you. Sliding his thumb across your cheek.

It’s so dreamy. You have to will yourself to stop.

“Ok I’m serious this time!” You chuckle. “Can I come back tonight?”

“I’d really like that.”

4:15 pm

Me: just left his house. whew.

Chris: im proud of u and so grateful.

6:00pm

“How long have you liked me?”

“Almost our entire friendship. I don’t think I realize it until you started dating Andrew.”

Laying on Chris’s chest is the happiest you’ve felt in months. You two have been talking about all the things that made you fall for each other. He’s been rubbing your back for the past 20 minutes but decides to put his hand under your shirt to enhance the feeling.

You sighed and relaxed even more on top of him, closing your eyes.

“Damn, you have some knots right here.”

“Ugh, yeah. That’s where I carry stress.”

“Here, lay on your stomach. I bet I can relieve it.”

Chris moves so you can lay flat. Once you’re comfortable he straddles your hips and brings his hand to the hem of your shirt.

“Is it ok if I bring this up?”

“Mhm.”

He lifts your shirt to where your bra starts ,then gets to work.

Maybe it’s the skin to skin contact, or the fact that your muscles were tense, but his hands feel heavenly. You can’t help but let out a string of sighs.

“That feeling good?”

“Yes, oh my god. Thank you so much.”

He chuckles. “Anything for my girl.”

After a few minutes of the same motions he decides to explore new territory.

He rubs his hands over your hips, your ribs, and now your thighs.

“Seems like there’s a lot of heat coming from your legs, baby.”

“You’re such a good massager it’s hardly my fault.” You tease back.

You try to close your legs together but he doesn’t like that. Keeping a hand right between them.

He brings his mouth right next to your ear. Lowering his voice.

“Do you need relief somewhere else, baby?”

While he talks he maneuvers his hand so it’s nearly flat against your clothed center.

You try to keep it together. You can’t already be at a loss for words.

You nod into his pillow.

“Turn over for me. Let me see that pretty face.”

Your cheeks heat up immediately as you position yourself on your back. The two of you make eye contact and any anxiety you had about intimacy with Chris is gone.

“We can stop whenever you want.” He says before kissing you.

“Let me show you how a real man behaves.”

He smirks and lowers himself to your stomach. Kissing your happy trail. Leaving tiny bites.

Since you’re wearing sweats he slides them off in seconds, taking your underwear with them. He tosses them over his shoulder and they hit some things in his dresser, causing them to fall. It makes you giggle but Chris is entranced by the sight before him.

“Jesus Christ.” He says to himself.

He runs his nose where your leg meets your hip. Kissing further and further. Creating a puddle before he even touches you. He licks your inner thighs. Painting them with purple marks.

Finally, his mouth is where you crave it. He’s apprehensive at first but once you let out your first moan it’s all over for him.

Chris sucks your clit and your mind goes blank. Nothing ever felt like this before.

“I can’t believe you’ve been hiding this from me.”

When he goes back down he licks a stripe from the bottom of your pussy to your clit.

Your back arches off the bed.

“That’s it.” he says into my skin.

He’s lapping at your folds like it’s water and he’s been in a drought. Grabbing onto your thighs to make sure you don’t go anywhere. Not that you'd want to, but his actions do cause quite a bit of squirming.

“God, you’re everything.”

It almost seemed like he was saying it to himself. Like he couldn’t believe youre real.

“Next time you want something done right, come to me.”

“Fuck yes.” You moan.

When he lifts his face up again, your juices are dripping down to his neck. You’re so mesmerized by the sight you don’t register what he's saying. It just sounds like white noise.

Chris tsks.

“Looks like I fucked you dumb, huh? Poor thing.”

“Shut up.”

You push his face back down. He starts fucking you with his tongue.

“Yes ma’am.”

Jesus

Your thighs tighten around his neck, he squeezes them back as a response.

“You taste so sweet, baby. Like syrup.”

You can’t do anything more than whimper and grind into his face.

Chris grabbed the hand that was clenching the bedsheets and guided it to his hair. You happily thread your fingers through.

He touches you like you're all he asked god for. The sounds coming from you are his favorite song. This is the alchemy he does.

“Oh god,” your voice goes up an octave.

“Are you gonna cum for me, pretty girl?”

“Please, so close.”

“Cmon, be a good girl and cum on my face.”

He made you a whimpering mess. Arousal dripping down your legs, down his lips, on the sheets. Chris continues to reach his tongue deep inside you while drawing figure eights on your clit.

In an instant your vision goes black.

The next minute was spent shaking and catching your breath. Goosebumps littered all over my body.

You don’t know when but at some point Chris must’ve turned you so you were laying on your side. He pulled a lightweight blanket over you and was now playing with your hair.

“Hey pretty girl.” He said softly as you opened your eyes.

“Hi”

“You did so well for me.” He kisses your forehead. “I’m so proud of you. Don’t move.”

He quickly wet a washcloth and grabbed a water bottle.

You could drift off to sleep at any moment, but Chris made sure to clean you up first.

It felt nice to be taken care of for once. He made sure you were warm enough. every few minutes he laid kisses on your face. You were too tired to say anything but he could see how happy you were. That was enough for him

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

An argument and a make-up with Bruce and his wife?

"Y/N you can't-"

"I was doing it long before you," you remind him.

"But the pressure, baby-"

"You're a vigilante and out all night," you sigh, rubbing your forehead. "What would you have me do? Plan parties? Spend all day shopping? The only thing I have that's mine is my job. My reputation-"

"I'm not telling you I want you to quit," he snapped. "I just want you to slow down."

"Bruce."

He forced himself to take a deep breath. You look tired. Tired and drained. It had been weeks of this. Running yourself ragged between work and your family- the only time Bruce saw you was maybe before you went to bed. When he got home from patrol. "I just don't want you getting hurt," he said. "Baby you're one person."

"So are-"

"This isn't about me," he protested. "It's about-"

"You can't have it both ways," you tell him. "how can you say it's about me when I put stitches in your thigh last week? Every time you go out-" You break off and exhale sharply, pinching the bridge of your nose. "I just- All there is to do I worry. I climb the walls worrying. And there's nothing I can do."

"Baby." Bruce felt his heart clench when you tried not to let your voice crack. "Come here, sweetheart?" He held his arms out and gathered you in them. "So you stay at work because-"

"Because I'm lonely, mostly," you murmur. "Because when I'm here I Can't just... be. There's nothing to do it's not I just-"

"I'm sorry," he soothed, kissing the top of your head. He knew it would be an adjustment. He knew this was weird for you. And he'd thought- been afraid really that you were having second thoughts. But. Instead, you were lonely? You were sad?

Unacceptable in a different way. You were his. His North Star. The one selfish thing he let himself have. A wife to come home to. To dote on and spoil... And here you were. Unhappy. And worse, you'd felt like you needed to what? Just deal with it? "What can I do?" he asked.

"I'm fine I just-"

"I'm going to start with making you a proper home office," he said. "Whatever you want for it. If you want to work all night, I'd rather you do it at home."

"Bruce you don't have to-"

"I think," he said, tilting your chin up and kissing your nose, "You'll feel better if you have a space that's yours." He smiled a little and rested his forehead against yours tenderly. "This is your home. I want you to be comfortable here. You're not a guest, baby. If you need something- hell just want something- tell me?"

"More of you," you murmur, "But I know that's not- you're doing your best."

"We'll get Lunch tomorrow," he promised. "I'll pick you up at 12. We can eat, I can take you shopping... anything you want."

"I don't like shopping-"

"I know," he chuckled, "But- if I don't take you shopping how else am I supposed to get inappropriate in a dressing room?"

[mirkomos]

Between you and Me... ~cp.4

Armin x reader...

Chapter tw: Afab! reader, alcohol, tension, drug mention and pills, drug use, cursing, fighting, blood, heaving makeout session, mention of butt grabbing, hickey, being drunk.

word count: 4.2k

story context: your newly broken up with jean and he won't leave you alone. You start to "date" Armin to get jean off your back, but during this fake relationship you start to develop feeling for him—your relationship with Armin becomes a bit...confusing. No other then any other relationships yours and armin's has its ups and downs but maybe it will turn into the real thing...

On your walk back to your dorm your grab your phone to look at the time only to realize your phone had been off the whole time. After armin had turned off you phone you haven't bothered to check it again, turning on your phone to see almost 50+ messages from jeans which you don't bother to give the time of day and 5 miss calls from sasha and 2 from pieck. Immediately you tap sashas contact and return the call in which you were only scolded for having your phone off and not seeing her at all today.

She told you how jean had the audacity to come by the dorm and ask for you. You couldnt believe it when she had said it— he had no right to do so and had the nerve to berate your character in front of her. 

You get to your building and open your door to see sasha tapping her foot at her door.

“Where have you been all day?!”

“With armin…” with a guilty tone

She dramatically throws herself on the couch “ i ve been worried sick all day about you, and you were just snuggling up with armin.” you divert your eyes in different direction but she was spot on with that assumption. But sasha was on to use dramatics but you havent seen her in a whole 24 hours and she is a protective person. You never bothered to even send her a text this whole time to your best friend— but her reaction was less than you anticipated. “Im sorry sasha i was just really caught up and i know i should have texted you i just-” 

“I know i know its ok, to be honest i knew that you were with armin so you were ok.”

was armin was your safe space?…he had always been.

You fall on the couch onto her and entrap her into a hug and shower her with i love you’s. Till now, you realize how you had taken sasha for granted—she had been there for you almost everyday, one of your rocks since middle school-till now and you needed to change. “Hey are you gonna go to the party at the frat tomorrow?” you get up and lay yourself at the hem of the couch “Of Course i'm gonna go, I need something to distract myself, finales are absolutely kicking my ass right now.” she groaned with her head in her hands rocking back and forth. Giggling at her dramatics and she kicks your leg in response.

“Alrighty i'm gonna go to bed night” 

“goodnight..”

She disappears into her room while your phone rings— a text from armin asking if you got back to your room safely, you answer with a quick yes. Anytime you’d see his name in notifications you couldn't help but feel smiley inside — you and armin had such a beautiful friendship, would you even dare to risk that for a relationship? You had the urge to suppress these feelings for him while another part of you wanted to be his.

It made you think about how during this whole “relationship” with him had only made your feelings for him grow stronger for him. Just wishing that these felling would subside but they wont. A chance that he liked you back would be slim— but sometimes he gives you a look that gives you little hope that he would reciprocate these feelings.

You told him that you were going to bed and exchanged goodnights with him. As you got ready for bed you start thinking, was this relationship still partly to get back at jean or for your own selfish reasons? Thats a thought you decided to sleep on as you slipped under your sheets and slowly faded into sleep.

…………………

You woke up that morning and slept in till 10:00, the first thing you checked was your phone to see a text from sasha at 9 saying she left to help set up. You sat up in your bed and just thought for a good two minutes about what you're gonna do today. This happens a lot. You just zone out and think— and you think about your cafe date with armin, reminiscing on the coffee that you got and craving it in this moment.

After a good few minutes you get out of bed and do your usual routine: brush your teeth, make breakfast, all of that kind of stuff. As you're going to your room to eat your bagel in your room — you sit on your bed and open your side drawer when you spot a small bag of pills. You’d forgotten you had these, last semester you used pills to help pull late nighters to study . They helped you focus, but take too much and they put you in a daze, you're alone — what harm would they really do? you pop three of them in your mouth and lay down on you bed and start eating. 

After a few minutes they finally kicked in— you could feel yourself dizzy with your vision getting a bit distorted. You just felt a wave a ecstasy or waves, they came every few minutes when they came it felt like strong. You became hypersensitive to everything around you, aware of all of your surroundings. Barley being able to sit up — you reach for your phone and press to call one of your latest contacts.

“Hello?”

“Hey there connie…how are you?”

You say with a slurred tone of voice “Are you ok? You sound weird.” after he said that you got up from your bed and stumbled around your room “why wouldn't i be ok” you laugh through the sentence. Connie has seen you in this state before and can recognize the way you speak. Another wave had just hit you and felt nothing — as if you weren't there anymore, in a different state of mind. 

“Yo are you high right now…”

You gave a bit of time to answer his question — trying to find a way to change your tone “no.” 

“Thats bullshit.” 

You lose balance and fall to the ground, the loud thump probably made connie nervous because you hear the murmurs of him yelling but only being able to make out a few words like coming until you hear him hang up. You fall back onto he floor and lay down and stare up at the ceiling, just thinking about if he was coming to get you. You didnt want connie to come — you wanted armin to come, the pill made you think really hard and you thought really hard about him which was a big downside, he had such a weird effect on you — like a trance. If you thought about him, you thought about him for what it felt like 30 minutes.

As you were lost in thought, you heard the door open “y/n?'' You peered the the door frame and you saw armin with a worried expression on his face. It's like a genie had answered your wish as he walked towards you and scoped you off the floor bridal style and sits you on the bed “armin” he gets up from the bed “just wait here il be back in a second.” he rushes towards the kitchen and pours you a drink of water, grabs tylenol and then comes back to the room.

He positions the cup towards your mouth so that you can drink, you finish the water and he places it down on his side “do you feel better?” You nod your head in response. You slip your arms between armins arms and go to lay down on his chest while he falls back “arminnn” you whine, he wraps one arm around you “i got too high” pouting while looking up at him — he laughs at your delirious state. 

“Yea i can tell” he says while still laughing, you reached up and caressed his face with your thumb for a seconds then reached up into his hair and ran your fingers through “so soft”. Armin didnt seem to mind — you were coming down from high and starting to become more stable, armin grabbed his phone for a second “oh we gotta get ready” he sat up and went to grab his phone. 

The party

You’d been completely out of it you forgot about all about the party, you just barley got up from your bed and got one of your short silk baby blue dress out of your closet that you have been saving for a special moment. You slip the dress on and it fit you like a glove, you grab you favorite gold earrings and put them on. You tried your hardest to quickly do your makeup without it looking bad and meticulously picked a pair of sliver strap heels and walk out of the room.

“So…how do i look?”

Armin who had been on his phone look at you in awe.

“ you look so…beautiful.” he gets up from the couch with his eyes fixated on you — with a smile on your face. He extends his arm towards your face only for him to grab a jacket behind you and place it on your shoulders “ so you don't get cold.” He extends his arm toward you and you grab onto his arm. “Thank you.” 

As you two left the building — both of you could spot the people on the porch and hear the loud music echoing throughout campus. As you both approach the porch seeing people drinking and dancing, the flashing lights filled the room as you walk into the room with armin you were able to spot mikasa, eren, sasha and jean — standing there with them. Quickly armins hand grabs your hip as you two walk towards them, the atmosphere turns awkward. The plan that's you had come up with last night had come to mind.

You greet the whole group but not jean, when it came to it you just stared for a second and looked away. He had anger and hurt in his eyes when he looked at you—it made you upset but when he looked at armin all he had was anger in his eyes. You can feel the hostility between them which you caused. “um im gonna go get a drink, do you want anything?” armin whispers in your ear which sends a tingle down your spine. You shake your head no and then he leaves, initially you planned to keep distance from Jean as you didnt want to cause a scene—but you had no choice in a big group of friends.

You can see people start to pull bottles out of the coolers and cabinets and get shot cups “ Damn there starting the game without me” he laughs and walks over the island and grabs jean along with him “what game?” you question “its just a stupid game to see who can drink the most and not get drunk.” the voice came from behind you which made you jump and mikasa and sasha turn around only to see it was ymir and historia, u guess you were so busy talking to sasha and mikasa you didn't notice them come in. “ i didn't know you guys were coming tonight.” mikasa's states “ we thought it would be fun to come tonight.” historia gives a warm smile.

Ymir wraps her arm around your neck and leans down “ are you ok, yk with the jean thing and everything.”  

“ ‘m yea it's just he was being a dick and all no big deal.” 

She nods as squeezes you a bit, then armin comes back with the drinks—he had been gone for quite a long time but you didn't really realize because you had been talking to the girls for a long time. He hands you your drink, when you take a sip you can taste lemonade with a slightly bitter taste. This was a party after all so you didn't doubt the idea that they mixed them together “ hey what took so long? ” you lean close “ oh sorry i was talking to reiner and bertholdt in the kitchen i guess i got caught up.” his tone was low and you could barely make it out over the loud music that was playing.

“ Hey will you come to the kitchen to get something with me?” mikasa comes up to you and whispers — you nod and both move through the crowd of people dancing and made your way to then kitchen. Apparently the drinking game had just finished as the kitchen became less crowded and you could see jean and eren leaving the kitchen and a guy slumped over on the counter “ he's gonna feel that in the morning.” you both giggle at the state of a random guy.

As you and mikasa were about to leave the kitchen you hear yelling, you didnt pay much mind to it until you recognized the voices — jean and armin — they were arguing with each other. They accumulated a crowd around them, you walk towards them and there muffled yells become more clear.

“ YOUR FUCKING DRUNK JEAN, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOUR SAYING.”

Coming to the front of the crowd with mikasa following suit, once you came into view of jean you saw his expression change. All of his focus had shifted from armin to you. “ And you, leaving me for this piece of shit?!” shouting across the room which leads people to stare at you. This is the hallway all over again. “Dont fucking start with me jean,dot act all innocent when you know what you did!” you’d become angry, angry that's this was happening again— as if he was the one who got hurt in this situation and he was going to paint you as the villain.

“Oh stop playing around, your telling me that you didn’t cheat on me with armin?! Cause the timeline is pretty damn close.”

Seriously, he wants to do that?

“ Do you wanna talk about the text messages with that girl I found on your phone during our relationship, cause they were pretty fucked up if you ask me ?!” 

That sentence clearly caught him by surprise, he was embarrassed for a second— you could hear the murmurs of the crowd and your friends expressions change. So focused on trying to suppress your tears and the people around. Jean took a step forward — about to walk towards you until armin grabbed his shoulders to stop him. In a blink of an eye, jean had swung at armin. Right in the jaw, it made armin stumble back but he had sung back, you could see the camera flash and yelling of the crowd.

the two of them had gotten into a full blown altercation — leaned over onto a table dripping with blood swinging at on-top of eachother while all you could do was watch while Sasha and Connie stood by your side comforting you. Eren, reiner and one of your other classmates, Floch, tried two separate the two of them.

Tears had welled in your eyes as you watched jean being dragged away and armin leaned over the table with Eren hovering over him. This was all your fault, your not only crying because you hurt about the fight—your hurt because this whole thing was your doing. If you had never gotten ‘involved’ with armin this wouldn't happen. 

From the beginning you had a feeling to pivot away from these feelings but you ignored these warnings and followed your heart. This was the consequences of your actions “ come on lets go outside.” sasha took your hand and led you away from the crowd that's was staring at you as you leave.

Holding back your tears as you get outside but once you got there, it was like this wave of sadness and guilt had just come over you. Tears spilled out of your eyes and onto sashas shoulder while she rubbed your back and whispered words of comfort.

“This is all my fault.” you say between sobs 

“No its not, dont let him get you down  you cant blame yourself for wh-”

You cut her off mid sentence 

“No sasha this is my fault! If i had never been selfish and got with armin this would have never happened.” balling your eyes off on her shoulder, she had nothing to say at your comment because you were right, you'd triggered this whole ordeal.

Both of you were outside for at least ten minutes, sasha had managed to calm you down when connie had come out.

“Hey are you ok?” he gave you a side hug and could see sasha give connie a face and him rolling his eyes in return. You wipe your eyes and nod. “..armin was asking for you inside..i uh-i can take you to him.” the silence after that comment was loud that you were able to hear the crickets chirping. Debating if you even wanted to walk to walk back into there. Mustering up the courage to answer, you nod your head and he leads you inside—to no surprise people were staring at you. At the moment you didnt care anymore, your focus now was armin. You were led to a room to see armin with a busted lip and a few scratches on his face. Mikasa was tending to his wounds when she sees you “ill give you two a moment.” as shes walking out with connie that's when he looks up to see you. 

His eyes go wide as he gets up from the bed, you walk towards him and collapse into his arms. “min i-im so sorry.” you were barely able to get those words out. His arm were tightly wrapped around you, stroking your lower back—silently comforting you and wiping your tears. “It's ok, I don't want you to feel bad.” you lift your head from his shoulders to look up at him “ no armin, You would have never gotten hurt if i–”  your words were cut short with a swift kiss on the lips. It was a light kiss but enough to shut you up. He pulled back from the kiss only to stare at you lips “sorry i got blood on you.” he wipes your lips with his thumb, you didn't waste any time and kissed him again.

When you kiss him it was like quenching an insatiable taste that you had for so long. He leaned in to deepen the kiss pulling you closer—it made you lose balance and walk backwards into a wall. Both of you were going at a methodical pace when you decided bite his lip to slip your tongue into his mouth. The kiss had become messy — armin hand snaked down and squeezed your butt. Causing you to let out a moan in his mouth — his lips move down your face and onto your neck “you don't know how long i've been waiting for this.” he pants before he starts sucking on your neck.

‘This feeling is was better then the drugs’  you think in your head, this is what you have been waiting so long for  

The breathy moans from the both of you filled the room. Your hands traveled from his neck to his hair, running your fingers though his hair while ever so slightly grabbing it. You knew that this shouldn't have been happening, both of you knew that but it didnt stop you.

His curious hand had found its way under your dress and gripped you ass again which had cause to let out another moan. You pulled him closer and felt the bulge in his pants, the way he grinded onto you only made you crave him more. his lips had been exploring your neck—you had been kissing his and his jawline, you wanted him as close to you as he could be. The panties that you put on were already getting drenched— “min i-i need you.” he lifts his head back up from your neck which he had been sure to leave a few marks on.

His lips had found their way back to yours where he left a wet sloppy kiss with a trailing string of saliva after it “ y/n…i need to tell you something i-”

Knock knock

“Are you guys ok in there.”

It had taken you both by surprise—your disheveled appearance along with armins messy hair and plump pink lips weren't a good look for the two of you right now. “ uh..” you had looked to armin, to see him wiping his mouth and catching his breath “ give us a sec.” Armin had turned around towards the bad to calm himself down. You turned towards a mirror to fix your dress which had been bunched up at you hips, leaving your panties exposed. Noticing the multiple hickeys that armin left on your neck—they were so prominent that you doubted you would be able to cover them up.

Luckily you had thick curly hair so you were just barley able to cover them.

Another knock met the door, you made your way to the out with armin following suit.

Once you opened the door annie was standing right besides it, she gave you two a look—a look as if she knew what you two had done.

Many people had left the party—you didn't realize how late it had been until you saw the clock—2:39.

Adrenaline pumping in your body had given you enough energy to stay up for that long. You walked through the messy common space where Connie, Reiner, Floch and Eren and a few otehr students had been cleaning that was filled with solo cups, empty bottles and the messed up table that Jean and armin had fought on. Turning to look to armin who was staring into space, you reach and grab his hand which made him snap out of it.

“Armin?”

“Huh” his tone as if he was completely unaware.

“Oh sorry are we leaving now?” 

Before you could even answer him, he rushed to grab the jacket had had given you to wear. Wrapping the jacket around you and quickly guided you towards the outside, him rushing had taken you by surprise. 

“Wait armin”

He had avoided eye contact with you ever since you left the room up until now

“im really sorry about tonight, i understand if you want to stop the dating thing after tonight.

There was a moment of hesitation from him.

“Why would i want to stop?”

Thats not at all what you expected to come out his mouth and he could tell.

“If anything i want to make this serious.”

Really? After all the shit you put him thought this past week. Does he even know what hes signing up for, never being able to probably mend his relationship with jean again. You didnt want this for him — as much as it would make you happy.

“Armin…are you sure, i mean after tonight yk the fight you’d go through this every week.

He looked at you with plea in his eyes.

“y/n…i love you —  i have for so long now but ive been pivoting away for so long now. But after tonight im sure what i feel, i mean i understand if you dont reciprocate these feelings. I think about you every night before bed, your whats running through my mind, i love you with all my heart i really do.”

You didnt waste a moment before he started rambling again to shut him up before he started again.

Your lips met his, it was a slow sensual kiss—he tilted his head more into yours making the kiss deeper until you broke it off.

A smirk spread across your face while his was flushed a blush pink while his eyes look down to his feet. You reach for his chin and lift his head to your eye level—how can someone who gave you a whole declaration of love, not be able to look you in the eye? “Im sorry i just get nervous around you sometimes.” he looks up and quietly looks at you and you raise an eyebrow. Hes too cute

A warm smile spreads across his face, you look, grab his hand and intertwine your fingers with his and swing his arm around. By the chilling wind of a fully luminescent moon you could tell it was time that you went back to your room. They way armin's face was luminated under the moon light made him look unreal, his hair had turned a platinum blond and the blue in his eyes turned very prominent. You just wanted to bask in each others presence for a few minutes, finally able to be his and for him to be yours.

“Well looks like it's time for me to go.” you break contact and look up at the moon

In return he slightly pouts his lips trying to give you puppy dog face but your not buying it but it does make you laugh.

“Could i atleast walk you back?”

“It’s ok i think i could walk by myself”

Trying to walk away but he wouldn't let go of your hand, until you tilted your head and pleaded for him to let you go.

“Goodnight i love you….”

Those words replayed in your head for a loop, you turned back too look at him and mouthed it back to him while he stared at you walking away, and you knew by tomorrow this would all feel like a fever dream.

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[acciocriativity]

The Cat and The fox III - PSH & JWY - TCTF SERIES

(Pictures aren't mine, credits for the original creators)

Pairing: hybridcat!seonghwa x reader x hybridfox!wooyoung (non-romantic)

Genre: fluff, angst

Warnings/tags: mentions of abuse and trauma (not explicited); hurt/comfort; happy "ending"; hybrid au; hybrid series

WC: 2,7 K

N/A: This is the official ending of The Cat and The Fox, BUT if you guys are interested, I'm all for making little snipts of the past and the future for this story with your requests!

Ateez Masterlist

The Cat and The Fox I

The Cat and The Fox II

Seonghwa was the kitty and Wooyoung was the foxy. It took me a while to get to the introductions, since they could barely look at me, even less talk to me.

Some would dare say they were some of the easiest people to live with, but that would be a false statement of a selfish person. They were the hardest roommates to live with for the same reasons, one could say the opposite.

They didn’t ask for a single thing, not even a drop of water.

“Of course, I’m sure, you can just grab what you want”.

The both of them looked at each other before looking at the table full of the different side dishes, fried chicken and the two bowls full of rice in front of them. Then, finally, they moved slowly for the chopsticks.

“Thank you, we’ll eat well”, Seonghwa said and both took a bite of the steaming rice.

That was the first time I heard his voice. It was a sharp contrast to his soft and shy demeanor and he himself seemed shocked to hear it, or maybe he was shocked he actually said something, since his eyes went big, and he recoiled on the chair.

He chewed slowly, eyes focused on the uninteresting table cloth while my eyes were on him, he was clearly tense as his fluffy gray ears were glued to his black hair. So I looked down to my own untouched food and started to eat too.

I tried to be more discreet as I looked over to Wooyoung. It was a weird sight to see Wooyoung, who as a fox had zero shame, be this meek as a human, no, in his human form. Both of them seemed embarrassed, and I thought at first it was just because I saw them naked, which sure, who wouldn’t be dying inside at that situation? But as soon as I looked his way, he seemed to recoil in his seat like he wanted to become smaller and invisible, and I got a glimpse of his tail hugging his own waist.

That was really the same person that just demanded space for himself on my lap as a fox?

If I ever find those moth—

“It’s delicious, thank you for the food and… for everything else”, Seonghwa was the first to spoke up, yet he didn’t look up to me.

Seonghwa as a cat did seem more quiet and calm since the beginning, but he wasn’t like this after being comfortable in the house. They clearly rather their animal forms, but then, why they don’t… shift?

“Yes, the food is excellent, thank you” Wooyoung said something for the first time.

“Well, thank you, I try to cook most days when I’m back from work”, I said as I smiled at them.

His voice was less deep, yet it sounded raspy like Seonghwa’s, and it was clear that they didn’t use it for some time, but I kept this and every other observation to myself.

“Try these two together”, I said as I grabbed one bite of the kimchi and put on Seonghwa’s bowl, then one bite of the rice cake right beside it. I did the same for Wooyoung.

The air seemed less tense around us after that moment, but as I went to sleep that night, I couldn’t call any of that progress.

They were so quiet that an easily distracted person could forget they were in the room

I had to go to work in the morning, but as soon as I got back, it was like I was all alone again. The house was spotless and the blood on the carpet disappeared, it was like nothing happened yesterday. However, the smell of food cooking was unmistakable.

“Seonghwa? Wooyoung?”, I called in a soft tone. I already learned the lesson of not screaming in the house, not even when I’m trying to catch their attention.

There was no response.

I knew at least one of them had to be in the kitchen, but they weren’t on speaking terms quite yet. When I showed them where I left breakfast and lunch for them, I got soft thank you’s again, but nothing more.

My steps announced my presence to the whole house, so at least they would know to expect me soon. It was clear they got easily scared by anything, really.

I went to my room first, left my bags on the bed and went to take a shower. The hot shower helped clear my mind of my current worries. I couldn’t bring my stress over to them, when they were so on edge around the house, yet there was still a big chunk of work waiting for me after dinner.

When I stepped a foot into the hallway, the house was silent as it was before, and I debated calling both of them again, but decided against it. They’d show up when they wanted to, and they’d talk to me when they wanted to. It was hard to keep that in mind, but their decisions deserved that respect and patience.

“Hmm, exc-”

I gasped as my soul almost left my body. I turned around to Wooyoung, just two steps away from me. His face went pale, and his eyes were wide, as he looked around, and I noticed how his tail was around his waist again.

“I’m… I am so sorry, I did not mean to scare you”, he gestured non-stop with his hands. “I wanted to… I just thought that you, no, miss, I-”

I didn’t try to interrupt him, not when that was the most he ever talked to me, I only smiled, a reassurance smile I hoped, as I nodded along.

But he stopped trying. He gulped while playing with his own fingers, looking over my shoulders, but never to me.

“You just wanted to… say that dinner was ready? To call me over to the kitchen?”.

He nodded in an eager way while barely meeting my eyes for a second, then turning to his room.

I didn’t notice the door half open, nor did I hear the light creek of the wood when it opened. It was that moment I released how good they were at being invisible.

“So, let’s go downstairs together then?, I asked as I smiled, and his attention was on me again.

I saw the way his lips curled up, before it faded to a neutral expression. He nodded.

“It smells delicious. Did you both make it or one of you likes to cook more than the other?”, I asked as I walked down first without looking back at him.

Even when we walked, I only heard my footsteps. There were two beats of silence before he answered.

“Seonghwa-hyung and I made it, but he does not cook often”.

There was this smile on his voice, even he hid it off his expression. He sounded happy, and proud and I couldn’t hold my own happiness.

“Oh, speaking of him, is he going to come eat soon?”, I asked as I looked over to him, waiting by the stairs.

Wooyoung looked to the kitchen. The door wide open, yet not a single sound came from it for a few seconds. Then, soft steps reached my ears. A second later, Seonghwa’s flustered face was out, the rest of his body hiding.

“Hm, yes, I will. I was just checking to see if the food was still warm”, he stumbled a bit over his words and disappeared again.

I noticed the table was already set, which left me without nothing to help them with.

“It was really sweet of you both to make dinner for us, thank you”.

A big noise came out of the kitchen, almost like a pair of chopsticks hit the metal of the sink from a high place.

“I’ll go help him, please, take a sit. We want to thank you for your kindness”, Wooyoung said in such a confident tone and a small smile on his face that surprised me a little, but he immediately walked over there as if he didn’t notice himself.

Maybe I could call that some progress.

They were so polite and so respectful

I couldn’t ignore it anymore.

It’s been great 4 days up until now, and they were becoming more and more open as time went by, but something never changed. It was in the way that they spoke, that they moved around the house, even when they sat on the couch. I noticed it all yesterday, the first weekend I was home the whole day. It was perfect. The perfect posture, the perfect tone, the perfect way to walk. It was unsettling, it seemed like they were never relaxed. Again, another perfect opposite of their animal form, it seemed.

I couldn’t make myself ask anything, it would cause more bad than good, but I also couldn’t let those thoughts go. However owned them, maybe still own them, did this, all of it. It was frustrating because I knew that 4 days could not erase it, nothing could erase it, but I wanted to so much.

“That one”, Seonghwa said it at last in that soft tone of voice.

Now the roughness was almost completely gone of their voices, which was a relief, and I liked to think that they looked more healthy now. The slight glance of their bodies I took 5 days ago told me enough about the amount of food they had these past… days? Weeks? I hoped it wasn’t months.

“Are you sure?”, I said it while finishing the popcorn in the kitchen.

It was still hard not to be loud when speaking and the fact that they could perfectly hear me this far if I whispered was still unsettling, but the hardest of them all was to pay attention to make sure I understood what they said.

“Yes, I won rock, paper, scissors, he can not complain”.

I was almost sure I heard Wooyoung complaining right after that, and Seonghwa shushed him quickly.

I came into the living room with two of the three bowls of popcorn that I made for us.

“Here we go”, I gave them theirs and hurried into the kitchen to grab mine.

The silence was understandable since we were paying attention to the screen, now on the 9:56 minute mark of the first Narnia movie, but there was a palpable distance between them and me. The couch wasn’t that big, yet they seemed to leaned away so our shoulders and thighs wouldn’t touch for a moment.

“What do you both think until now?”, I whispered while glancing at both of their faces.

It was fascinating to watch how their eyes brighten up to a scene or how they would be tense from another, reacting like a real open book. I knew the movie by heart anyway, so it wasn’t like I’d lost the plot.

“I wish something like this existed in real life”, Wooyoung whispered with focused eyes on the screen.

“Then the witch would also be real too”, I said.

“There’s people like her already in real life”, Seonghwa said, and I couldn’t do anything other than nod. “But they have a chance against her, right?”

“They do, they have a lot of people, I mean, animals that are going to help them throughout this”, I said while giggling at my own mistake.

“Hey, when did you watch this for the first time?”, Wooyoung turned to me, catching me off guard.

“Hm, I don’t know, when I was 9? I just remember being young”.

He simply nodded and turned back to the TV. Was that supposed to make sense? Seonghwalooked over at me with a small smile.

“They seem a little like hybrids, don’t you think? The only thing is that we don’t speak like that”, he said.

It felt like my mind was blown away. It was true that study with hybrid weren’t news, it came close to a century ago, but back then, nothing was a “success” as it is now. The topic of hybrids has been in people’s lives for a while, but it never occurred to me, it could be related.

“Does that offend you in any way? The similarities, I mean, if it was an inspiration”.

“No, if anything it would be nice to have that much freedom”, Seonghwa’s comment left a bitter taste in my mouth, and I’d be willing to bet they felt the same.

“Maybe you could, you know? There are a lot of different ways a hybrid could live now, there’s…”

The way both looked at me made me shut up. They knew that I was going to say “new laws”. It was everywhere a few months ago when the four new protection-laws for hybrids came into force, but my knowledge ended where the public information ended. I couldn’t know if it was something to be happy about or not, and by the way they looked at each other, it wasn’t.

“If there’s anything that I can do to help the both of you…”, I saw Seonghwa getting ready to interrupted me, but I kept going. “…even if it’s hard, I’ll do it, I promise”, I extended both my pinkies at them.

Wooyoung took my hand at the blink of an eye. “Do you really? Even if t means that we do not have anywhere to go?”, he looked at me with those big brown teary eyes and his voice trembled a little.

Were they worried about that all this time? That I would throw them out?

“Of course, you can stay as long as you both want, didn’t I say that before? I never wanted to make you both stay unwilling though, you both can come and go whenever, haven’t I said that?, I said in a whispered tone, looking into Wooyoung’s eyes

I was scared of ruining that fragile vulnerability that he put was on my hands and I wanted them to believe me, because it was true, and it was clear that I wasn’t as clear the first time.

So I wrapped my hand around his slowly. “I’ll do anything to make sure that you both are going to be okay from now on, is that clear?, I looked from Wooyoung to Seonghwa, who just held out his pinky to me.

“Yes”, Seonghwa answered out loud.

Wooyoung did in his own way. He hugged me to his best ability, considering our position on the couch and the fact that our pinkies didn’t leave each other. I opened my free arm to create some space for Seonghwa, a silent request that he could deny if he wanted to.

He threw himself at us.

“That’s the Seonghwa and Wooyoung that I’ve met and missed dearly”, I said as I attempted to play with their soft hair without touching their ears, which was no easy task since they didn’t stop moving for a second.

Seonghwa looked up from his spot on my arm. “Did you?”, it was like some of the brightness in his eyes came back alive.

“I did, I guess you both give some good cuddles”, I shrugged as I smiled back at him and I felt Wooyoung’s head moving from the spot on my shoulders.

“It was all I needed to know”, Wooyoung said, and before I could ask , I felt his fluffy bright red tail hugging my waist. “You’re locked now”, he whispered like it was a threat and Seonghwa laughed.

“I guess I am”, I tried to play pretend with them, but I couldn’t hold back a smile.

Their proximity wasn’t weird for a second, if anything, I caught myself relaxing right after that moment. Then, only then, I remembered we were supposed to watch the TV and my eyes went back to it.

“Shit, we lost one of the best parts…”

“Can we start from the beginning?”, Seonghwa asked and nested himself on me to get more comfortable.

“We have time, right?”, Wooyoung said from that one same self-claimed spot on my shoulders, and there were still some doubts by the sound of his voice.

“Right, we do have a lot of time from now on”, I said as held tighter onto both of them and I felt the smiles on my skin that they tried to hide, but the ears gave them away while I did my best not to squeal because of how cute it was.

I didn’t care, I didn’t really have to think about it, they were worth the hardships that would come my way, and I’d prove that to them.

TAGLIST: @babyhailey819 (I'm assuming you wanted to be tagged in this, but please let me know if you don't!)

[radioactivepeasant]

Fic Prompts: Free Day Thursday

Adopted Dadmas universe, set a few weeks after Damas called Samos out for harassing Jak. Keira has started questioning her upbringing for the first time, and is seeing some of her past interactions with Jak in a way she doesn't like. Warnings for past Samos being, well, typical game-characterization-Samos and being nasty to children.

"You're awful quiet," Tess observed. She put down her angle grinder for a moment and observed the younger girl seated at her workbench.

"Hey. You okay, sugar?"

Keira stared off into space for several seconds before remembering to inhale. She turned a guilty face to Tess and said, "I think I'm a bad person."

Tess’s hands stilled on the prototype.

"Oh," she sighed, "this is about y'all's messed-up childhood again, right?"

"He made Daxter sleep outside! He would pretend he couldn't understand Jak until Jak did exactly what he wanted!" Keira burst out, "How could I have ever thought that was normal?!"

Tess’s lips narrowed, and she imagined the bolt she was twisting was the sage's neck. "Well, because people like that work hard to convince kids that their behavior is normal when they're too young to know better. Gives 'em the control they're so desperate for. It wasn't your fault, Kiki."

"But I knew he was being mean!" Keira cried, throwing down her blueprint. "I knew everyone treated Daxter like dirt. I knew they made Jak and Daxter do too many of their chores! But they were so nice to me and I- I- argh!"

She shoved her bench back and paced the room angrily.

"Was I weak? Or just a- a brat!? A spoiled, selfish, mean little brat!"

Tess left the table to grab Keira by the shoulders. "Hey, whoa! Whoa whoa whoa! That's my friend you're talking about, there!"

Keira tried to shove Tess away, but Tess had an uncanny strength that belied her appearance.

"Hey. Look at me, sugar. I get it. Feels like revenge, right? Revenge on yourself? Like "how dare you feel good about yourself when your friends were so badly abused right under your nose". But baby, what does that accomplish, really? No, look at me. How does you calling yourself names help Daxter and Jak now?"

Keira dashed a hand across her eyes and shrugged sullenly. "Maybe it doesn't. Maybe it only helps me."

Tess scowled. "So Samos chooses to hurt those boys again and again and instead of holding him accountable the reasonable thing to do is hurt you? Put yourself down so you can feel as bad as they did? Girl, I love you, but how does that help?"

Keira didn't have an answer.

"I'm...I'm not trying to have a pity party," she finally admitted. "I'm not the victim here. I know I'm not- I'm like, the opposite of the victim. I'm complicit, Tess! How do we come back from that? How do I fix this? I can fix everything else? Why can't I just..."

She made a frustrated groan and let Tess pull her into a tight hug. "I'm so mad, Tess. At Daddy, at myself, at this whole stupid city. And I don't know where to put that anger."

Tess grimaced, but squeezed her friend tight. "Well. That puts you a little closer to understanding how Jak feels a lot, doesn't it?"

"I've been like. The worst friend."

"Doesn't mean you can't start being a better one," Tess countered.

For a few breaths, Keira was silent. It was hard not to give in to the recriminating thoughts. She had been the unwitting accomplice to so much harm, kept sheltered with blinders on as a tool to enforce a sense of normality on a "hero" who should've had the same childhood she did. And then even when free from Samos's influence for two years, she'd found herself gravitating towards people who manipulated her in the exact same way. And she'd taken Errol's side in a fight. The side of the very man who had caused all the traits she'd criticized in Jak. Thinking about it now made her want to vomit. How had she fallen under the sway of such people for so long? And how could she ensure it would never happen again?

"Tess," Keira sniffled, pulling back from the hug, "Can...can I ask a favor?"

"Of course, Kiki," Tess answered warmly, "What's up?"

A feeling of resolve hardened in Keira's chest as she took a deep breath. "You're a spy. You know how to read people like a book. Can...could you maybe teach me? How to tell when people are, are lying, or being manipulative? Stuff like that?"

She looked away. "I want to help the guys. And if I want to do that...I need to help me, too."

Tess’s sympathetic expression stretched into a wide grin. To anyone who knew her well, it would have been an ominous sight.

"Sugar, I thought you'd never ask."

_________________________________________

And meanwhile, the absolute Mood Whiplash of what's happening just outside the city, in the mountains

_________________________________________

"I miss our dog."

"Your dog," Daxter corrected, without bothering to open his eyes.

"That's cold, Dax," Jak whispered, "How can you just disown our boy like that?!"

"Remember when he pooped in my kitchen??" Daxter asked incredulously.

"He's just a baby! He can't help it!" Jak hissed back. He rolled over on his cot to poke at Daxter's hammock. "C'mon. Don't tell me you and Tess aren't gonna have pets when all this is over. You aren't fooling anyone."

Daxter leaned out of the hammock to swat at Jak's hand. "Oy! Decent folks is tryin ta sleep, here! And for your information, we're gonna have a cabbit hutch! And a butterfly garden! And Chopper is not allowed to eat my butterflies!"

"You don't know that he would!"

Jak sat up, about to further argue the merits of the dog he'd left with Tess, when a sound akin to a growl rose from the other side of the tent. Both boys quailed and settled back into their beds.

"Jak started it!" Daxter tattled, then pulled his blankets up to his nose.

"Sorry, Pa." Jak smirked and ducked under his own woven blanket.

Damas flung his arm over his eyes and grunted disapprovingly.

"We're on the move at dawn," he reminded them, "I suggest you use the remaining hours wisely. The clan rendezvous point is a four hour hike, so for the record, depriving your father of sleep is not a wise choice."

The little scoff of laughter he heard on the other side of the tent did not sound particularly like a pair of teenagers about to heed common sense. But as it could just as easily have been Jak still delighting in the novelty of someone deliberately claiming the title of his father, Damas could let it go. For now. If they didn't quiet down, though, they were both going to be walking down the mountain while he rode in the commandeered hellcat.

[drhighhopess]

Similarities

A Claire x Leon fanfiction

Word count : 2.6k

Chapter : 1/1

Type : sfw

a/n : this was made for cleon week (may not be on theme.. but im still wanting of participation) currently i'll try to squeeze in a fic or two. If so they'll probably less in length. for this fanfiction my whole idea was to show how Leon and Claire relate to one another with past, with trying add who they are today with it! Advice is always appreciated <3, also if enjoyed leave a kudo on ao3. (All pictures from pinterest)

A few footsteps could be heard from the otherside of the door. Practically like a broken record, was he going crazy? Not like anyone could blame the blonde. Each time he went onto a plane just to know he may not come back. Why risk it all?

Only if I decided to not go to the RPD.

Those words ran in his mind more than he'd like to admit.

Maybe it was wrong, all of it. It wasn't like anyone cared. Since Leon was little he was alone. No five year old expected seeing the person who they looked up to killed in front of his eyes. He was only a kid, and didn't even start kindergarten yet. People took him, barely could even process what happened. Speaking to him in a language he couldn't understand. Where was his mom? The woman he loved dearly. He was always a mama’s boy since he could remember. He has a good memory of his childhood inside of Italy from how quickly it changed. There wasn’t even a full concept of life and death to him yet. Especially not at the ripe five.

He remembers his mom, his dad.

Would they be proud of what their son became?

It wasn’t his concern, at least wasn't for now. Why ask a question for a non existent answer. Or he was just meant to be selfish. He couldn’t see all he gave to everyone. If he had the choice to never plan to move to the RPD and stay in Pennsylvania. Simply take a job opportunity out there, never know the fucked up shit he does. He would take it, he hated that he knew how selfish it would be. Even knowing he would never meet Sherry or Claire. Maybe he only thinks like this when he thinks about his situation. Even then when he sees the smile on either girl's faces. He surely doesn’t regret it, or at least as much. Why lie, he's sure they both hate how they ended up in the past six years. He is sure they'd be perfectly fine without him. Who wasn’t anyway?

The apartment door opened, revealing a certain redheaded girl. The bags in her hands pushed against one another. Her back pressed against the door to close it.

“You still up for movie night?” Claire asked, the look on her face said everything. The small smile that crept on her lips. The gentle way they curved in his sight. A soft giggle left her mouth. placing the bags filled with snacks she picked up on her way on the counter of his apartment, before going to lock the front door.

“I'm not taking no for an answer, Kennedy” Claire made clear, her voice firm. Leon knew there was no way he'd get to convince her another night. Just for them to cuddle to sleep instead.

“..Assumed so,” He muttered, leaning his head against the couch. He sat onto the couch, his legs spread apart.

“What's up?” Claire asked, moving over to forget about the bags. She went to Leon on the couch. Moving over to him to take a seat.

“Sorry, just a shitty day.. my mood is fucked up.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Rather wouldn't”

Claire sat there, she looked into his eyes but it didn't even feel like she was inside the same room as him. He practically didn't include her in his space. Like being in an alone room. Just.. he was sitting right next to her.

“Can you not do that?”

“Do what?”

“Make me feel like I'm unimportant”

“Claire you're not, you know this.”

Claire paused, she usually didn't hear him say her actual name. Unless she's being difficult or something. There were a few exceptions, “So we're throwing Red out the window?”

“No, I never said that”

There was absolutely no need for a reply. The redhead couldn't even be bothered. He randomly wanted to treat her like this so be it. She gently got up from the couch. Moving over to their bedroom. Ignoring the bags on the table, meant for them to have some snacks. Lightly pressed the door shut, letting go of the door handle. Pulling her pants off, moving over to her side of the dresser. Finding a pair of shorts to wear. Then a drawer down there was a tank top she wouldn't mind using as pajamas.

.

A couple of hours passed, and a light but delicate knock could be heard. The blonde wasn't in his mood anymore. He felt slightly guilty for pushing his feelings onto her. She just wanted to hang out with him, isn't that what girlfriends do?

Sometimes it was mind blowing to Kennedy she actually loved him. Considering we were talking about Claire Elizabeth Redfield, he couldn't truly believe it. More so because everything he sees in her. A year ago that would have been his best friend living somewhere in California. Recently, it has been rocky. Claire at first was hesitant on moving to the other side of the country. It's a huge change, not to forget with the humidity in the east. Even then she was willing to make that sacrifice for Leon. She didn't expect for the change to hit her as hard as it did. She grew up in the east, inside New York. It wasn't much different from humidity wise.

Leon came from a mission a couple weeks ago, it's the main reason why he's so irritable. She knew he meant no harm, he's just isolating himself. It's a natural tactic they both use every once in a while. It's just.. hard. She just made a big change, now she's living with him. Plus she transferred departments.

Leon entered their room, after knocking, just to make her aware he'd be entering. She seemed awake, just faking being asleep. If anything, at least trying to actually go to bed. He slipped his way under the covers. Wrapping his arms around her waist from behind the woman. Her heat radiated to him. He didn't have to dream or fantasize Claire being his.

She was his.

Just like he is hers.

Leon had no idea that he'd be in a relationship again. He had hookups occasionally. If he was honest not many, he didn't like sex without emotional connection.

His breath caressed her neck, moving his lips to release a gentle whisper, “You up?”

“Yeah” Claire replied, her voice didn't seem sleepy if anything. The emotion coming from it was more hurt than anything.

“I'm sorry, for being difficult”

“Don’t worry about it” Claire mumbled, turning her body around to face him. Leaning over his frame, before going in for a soft peck. His hands moved over to her waist. Leons fingers rested on the soft skin they possessed under them. His hands guided her onto his hips, the movement encouraging the blonde to sit up against the headboard. Feeling her thighs wrapped around him, Claire remained in a straddling position. Her hand rested on his face, leaning in to kiss him once more.

First it was one kiss.

Then two.

And then three.

A soft groan left Leon's mouth. Any of the stress he built up from the couple past weeks was gone. The woman broke the kiss, moving over to pull off her shirt. The piece of clothing was discarded onto the floor with no ounce of regret.

She looked amazing with it, but even better without it

.

The thin piece of sheet that covered Claire’s body felt comforting in a sense. The feeling of being protected and held safe. It wasn’t something she got, since late childhood she was practically alone. When her parents passed away Chris made the choice at seventeen to go to the air force since he knew he had to be the one to support his little sister. In the meantime Claire was only in the 6th grade. The day before she had her mom and dad, she had her parents. They loved each other, and in one night it was taken away. At first she had denial, it was like a situation you'd see in movies. My mom and dad are dead? No way. They were just alive this morning. Once it hit that she’d never see either of them again it sunk. That she really was moving in with her aunt. At first it wasn’t a problem, she loved her aunt. Even then everything was different, so different it hurt and wasn’t fair. Waking up, not seeing her dad sitting on the couch. Neither could have seen her mom cooking breakfast once more. It was a memory she could have never imagined to be taken away so quickly. Afterwards she became angry, upset, mad, jealous, envious.

It wasn’t fair

Nothing is fair, Claire

Throughout the years she learned no one really cared. She only had herself to depend on. She liked taking care of herself. It made her feel powerful with an advantage. No one had the right to tell her what to do and what she should do. Picked the wrong group of friends, learned habits she wished she didn’t. It made her feel… better. She had a place to finally fit in, even if it meant at fifteen constantly being caught with alcohol.

I'm practically grown. Who cares?

Now she's a decade older and realizes how young she truly was to be fifteen. How she was making so many ridiculous choices for what? She had all the time in the world. She learned how much she truly was just a kid.

How she gave her aunt a hard time, she could tell the woman didn’t like her as much throughout the time she lived with her. In full honesty, shocked she held out until Chris came back. Allowing her to live inside her house until Chris arrived home. To Claire's surprise, he wasn’t even there his full time. They discharged him. There was no more back in forth notes. She would miss them in full honesty. Notes were like the one thing that kept her feeling like she had someone that cared for her. Still she knew there was no missing the letters if it meant seeing Chris again.

Claire noticed the absence of space next to her in the bed. Before sitting up, looking at the floor to find her clothes.

Weird, Leon's must've already got dressed.

Her feet hit the cold hardwood tile. Standing up from the bed. Picking up her clothes, before moving over to her closet. Putting them in the dirty clothes basket. Looking over to the bathroom. Opening the door, before turning on the turning the switch up. The light filled up the room. Before turning on the shower, waiting a couple of seconds for it to get warm. Moving over to grab her towel. Setting it on the bathroom counter.

After she got into the shower she closed the curtain. The redheaded girl felt the warm water on skin. She tilted her head back, letting her hair get wet in the process. A breath of air left her mouth. Showering was probably her favorite part of the day. The water caressing her skin, each drop ran down her whole entire body. Giving a sense of comfort, the action made her feel better each time. After fifteen minutes her hand went to turn off the water, each drop hit the tub. Before she grabbed her towel and stepped out of the bathroom. Putting on the clothes she set out for herself prior to taking a shower. Once dressed Claire went back into the bathroom do to what she usually did,

Brush her teeth.

Wash her face,

And put on deodorant.

This time she felt like straightening her hair. She's always had loose curls. It became a normal habit to straighten her hair. Even if she didn’t do it much for work. At least when she was on missions, there was not a need for her to just sweat her hair out. If there was an event or possibly a meeting she liked having her hair straightened, it made her look prettier in her own opinion.

Obviously Leon would have disagreed.

She was beautiful no matter what, one of the prettiest women he knew.

“You know what.. I'm still up for that movie?” Claire turned around, her body now covered in clothes. The tank top that stuck to her skin like glue, then the pair of shorts she put on.

“Really?”

“Yeah, your pick”

“..Okay there's this movie that came out a couple of months ago and I wanted to watch it with you.”

Claire smiled, before continuing, “Did you get the chance to see The Notebook?”

.

All the lights were turned off, the blinds were closed. Everything except the light from the TV. Including the reminder of daylight with the small bits of light seeping from the window. They sat together looking at the screen, having a moment just purely with one another. Leon was less focused on the movie itself, if anything he was focused on the woman next to him. Taking subtle glances at her face. Even if he wasn't a total big fan of romance he'd watch it if it meant making her smile. Just getting to spend some time with the woman he loved was enough, and truly all he could've asked for. Especially with how much he knew she loved spending time with someone. Not just that, but the people in her life she genuinely cared for intensely.

The redhead had her head on his shoulder, his arm rested around her waist. The blanket carefully draped around both of them. Every moment she was with Leon she learned how much they could relate to one another. Not only from the past, the feeling of losing a parent so young. Being failed by everything you knew and having to be there for yourself. Knowing the struggle mentally and emotionally. It wasn't an experience many could relate to.

As well with how they met, meeting in a time in life where everything went upside down. It was where they both needed someone to rely on and trust.

That there was a sense of trust they gave each other.

Leon would be lying if he said he didn't wonder how he would've met her, if not Raccoon City. There wasn't a doubt he wouldn't have met the woman he fell in love with. The same feeling he's never felt so intensely, the same one he never thought he could feel like he did today.

She made it possible.

He knew she could relate to him with childhood, the pain they both faced at the time. Not only that but understand how the Raccoon City Incident affected them both. How they went through it together. The emotional roller-coaster was difficult, but having someone else by your side makes it better.

Leon turned his head to the side to look at her face, shifting his body slightly so Claire would look up at him. Moving her head from his shoulder, her eyes moved to his face, curious.

“You alright?” The redhead asked, before being met with a warm feeling against her lips. Leon pressed his lips on hers once more, before letting go.

“Yeah, I'm fine.. I love you, Red.”

“Love you too, hotshot”

[albertdabuttler]

Be My Lover | K.H.

MASTERLIST

fandom: 80s

pairings: Kirk Hammett x F!Reader

WARNINGS: Smut… Drinking but not getting drunk, jealousy, nothing happens with the other guy, possessiveness, dirty talk?? public sex kinda, fingering, p in v unprotected, looooots of kissing, giggly after sex Kirk.

summary: You thought going to a club to fill a void would help, until you’re ditched and caught dancing with another man.

WC: 3.6k

gif by me!!

A/N: who else loves be my lover by la bouche?

———————

11:13PM, June 6th, 1996.

Clubs weren't ever really your thing.

Like who the fuck wants to go out, wait in a line for an hour and when you get in, everyone forgets about personal space and it reeks of sweat, alcohol and weed.

A friend you met recently had invited you to a club to have 'fun,' and you didn't want to let her down. 

"Hey!" She called, running up to you with open arms, giving you a kiss on the cheek.

"How are you?! Were you waiting outside for long?" She asked.

"I'm good, thanks for asking. And no, I was on the list apparently." You shrugged.

"Ugh, you're so lucky you're dating a cool rockstar who can get into whatever club he wants... I wish I had a boyfriend like that."

You laughed, "I don't even know that I'm on these lists until I actually go to the club. Sometimes it's fucking weird as hell 'cause I've never even heard of most of them." You stated.

"But what about you, Sara? How are you?"

"I'm good! Someone offered estacy but I wanted to wait for you to take it." She winked.

You chuckled, "Oh, you didn't have to do that. I wasn't really planning on doing anything crazier than getting wasted."

"That's fine." She laughed.

"Also, I am so sorry to do this... But I met a cute guy...so I'm gonna go talk to him." She whispered, "I'll catch you later though!"

"That's fine, bye!" You smiled.

There was no fucking way she just invited you to a club only to ditch you. God, what was your problem with making all these terrible friends? Maybe it was the close contact to Kirk and the rest of the band. But you felt selfish for thinking that way...

You spotted a bar near the middle of the club so you made your way to it.

"What can I get for ya?" The barista asked.

"Could I get an extra dirty martini with Tito's?" You requested as you sat on one of the stools.

"Sure thing!" He smiled, turning around to make your drink.

What an upbeat guy, you thought.

A minute passed and he handed you your drink, moving to serve any other people at the bar.

Spinning in your chair towards the dance floor, you spotted a guy staring at you.

He raised his eyebrows at you and smiled, before walking towards you. You quickly turned back around.

Please god save me.

"Hey, beautiful."

You grimaced at the corny line.

"Can I help you?" You said politely.

"What are you doing all alone in a club like this?" He looked you up and down.

"Uh, my friend invited me but she ditched me for a guy." You answered truthfully.

"That's not very nice. How about you finish your drink and come dance with me?" He smirked, sitting on the stool next to you.

You were bored out of your mind and didn't want to sit at the bar and look like a depressed, lonely loser, so you agreed.

"Sure." You forced a smile.

A couple minutes later, you had finished your drink and were on your way to the dance floor, the guy following close behind.

You liked the song that was playing, and instinctively began subtly nodding your head to the beat of the song.

Dancing wasn't really a skill you had, so you just swayed your hips in hopes that no one would notice your horrible attempt.

You looked around the room for the guy you were with when suddenly you felt hands on your waist.

Pulling away and turning around, you were looking up at him.

"I have a boyfriend. Just an FYI." You took his hands off you, awkwardly chuckling.

"So? I have a girlfriend. It's okay to have a little fun." He moved closer.

"We're not doing anything. So don't try it." You responded.

He smirked, resting his hands on your waist.

It felt odd, you really missed Kirk. You hadn't spent time with him in almost a month because of all the technical work business shit he had to deal with to release the Load album.

So you pretended it was Kirk's hands on you.

The two of you swayed to the music, his hands running up and down your sides and as pathetic as it was, you actually pictured Kirk behind you. Running his hands along your waist and hips, whispering stupid shit he thought of to make you laugh like he always did.

You opened your eyes, literally catching on fire and burning your eyes at the hottest sight in human history.

A man in an all black outfit, chain necklaces, short black, curly hair, and a lip and nose piercing greeting random people in the club.

Your movements halted at the sight of him, causing your partner to stop too.

Grinning enough to make your cheeks hurt, he finally turned his head and spotted you, his face lighting up like a kid in a candy store.

In that moment you realized how he was seeing you, his grin slowly faltered and his eyebrows knitted together.

"Oh, fuck," you mumbled to yourself as Kirk made his way to you.

"Hi," Kirk smiled as he approached the two of you.

"Can we help you?" The guy asked.

"Yes sir," He smiled, showing that adorable dimple. "What's your name?"

"My names Diego." He answered.

"And who's this lovely lady beside you...?" Kirk smiled to himself at the sight of you.

You were about to answer before Diego replied.

"She's my date." He said possessively

"She's your what?" Kirk kept smiling, cocking his head to the side with his eyebrows furrowed. You felt yourself getting nervous.

"We were just dancing." You replied for him.

"Yeah." Diego agreed.

"I'm sorry," Diego interrupted, "but who are you?"

Kirk turned to you with a look that said 'You could have done so much better.'

"I'm Kirk. Kirk Hammett." He smiled politely. You could tell he was holding back from strangling this asshole to death.

"Oh, you're that Metallica guy, right?"

Kirk pursed his lips, nodding his head in slight annoyance.

"I like your music. But if you'll excuse me, I'm going to dance with this one." Diego tried to walk away.

"She's my girlfriend, dumbass. Why do you think I came over here?" Kirk got impatient.

Diego was about to respond before Kirk grabbed your wrist, "Now if you'll excuse us though," he said, leaving Diego there astounded.

"Where are we going...?" You questioned.

He turned and gave you a dirty look, "You, shut up."

"What the fuck did I do?" You scoffed.

Kirk didn't reply and you took that as a sign to actually shut up. This wasn't like him at all, you had no idea what came over him or why he seemed so pissed off.

Finally you found yourself being led into a hallway, and you saw the bathrooms at the end.

He pulled you through the door, leaning against it and crossing his arms. The bathroom was big and fancy, just like the club. Black walls, the stalls were fully enclosed, the sinks had golden faucets and there was even a little counter where one could touch up their makeup. You leaned on it.

Thankfully you were the only two in there.

"What were you doing with that guy?"

"Dancing." You replied, annoyed.

"Why?"

"Why not?"

"Because, you've got a boyfriend," he gestured to himself, scoffing.

"Oh my god, Kirk. What's going on with you? We danced for like five seconds before I saw you. What's the big deal?"

"The big deal is that you didn't turn him down. And he's a piece of shit." He replied.

"Okay? I was bored. My friend ditched me." You said.

"Bullshit."

You clenched your teeth, "You can't really tell me who I can or can't dance with, because you fuck groupies.” You poked him in the chest, “Highly doubt you'd turn down a chance to have sex." You seethed, thinking you hit him where it hurt.

He chuckled, "I do turn down groupies. For you. Because I actually love you and care about you."

You stood there frozen in place before coming up with a response.

"Listen to me. I missed you Kirk, I really did. And you haven't called at all, so I was...starting to get lonely. I came to hang out with my friend to feel better but she just took off, and then this guy came up to me, so I couldn't just turn him down." You explained.

"I haven't seen you in two weeks, and haven't been with you in over a month. But look, and I know it sounds pathetic... When I was dancing with him," you lowered your voice, "I was pretending like it was you." You said, looking to the floor embarrassed.

You saw his feet step directly in front of you. Looking up, he hid a smile. "You were pretending it was me?" He said with a kiddish giggle.

"Shut up."

"No, you shut up..." He said, his smile fading as he looked at your lips.

Feeling hot, you couldn't help but blush as he was moving closer. Every time he was about to kiss you felt like the first time. Like he'd never done it before. Like each time he kissed you, you would forget what it felt like.

"I'm gonna kiss you," he warned, just then giving you a soft peck on the lips.

Once he pulled away, he took a step back and looked you up and down.

"You look really pretty, " he said, his eyes lingering over your breasts for a little too long.

You just wore a short simple dress. Nothing special, it just showed some cleavage.

"Sorry I didn't call... I was really fuckin' busy with the album. You know how it is... But I really missed you." He whispered, his face inches from yours as he had you trapped, his hands resting on the counter by your sides.

Something poked your tummy, both of you looking down.

"And so did he," he chuckled, looking back up to you as he pressed his lips onto yours for the second time.

This kiss got hotter a little quicker, his hands moved to the back of your thighs to pick you up and set you on the counter.

One of his hands rode up your thigh, under your dress and you felt him tug on your panties. He stopped the kiss for a second in order to focus on taking them off.

"Kirk, wait,"

He stopped and stepped back, "Are you sure we're not gonna get caught?" you said, pulling your panties all the way off because he left them in an uncomfortable position.

Kirk took that as a queue that he could continue. "Who cares? I want us to get caught. I want that guy to know who fucks you the way you like it." He kissed you once more, pushing his tongue into your mouth and drowning out any other words you tried to speak.

His hand moved back up your thigh, quickly finding your cunt and he used his thumb to rub circles over your clit.

You let out a gasp and rested your forehead on his shoulder, your hands gripping the fabric on either one.

As he massaged your sensitive bud, his other hand came up to start unbuttoning his own shirt.

"I made you this wet didn't I? Was it me or the other guy?" He huffed.

All you could do was whimper in response. He was right, only he could make you feel so good you lose a grip from reality.

"Hey, answer." He pulled his hand away, the other softly grabbing your jaw to look at him.

"Me, right? Only I can do this to you." He smirked, pressing a kiss onto your cheek like he didn't just say the most disgusting thing ever.

"Yes, Kirk," you sighed, "you made me like this."

Kirk smiled softly, just then slowly pushing two of his fingers into you at once. You closed your eyes, feeling Kirk watching your expressions.

"Feel good?" He asked, picking up his pace and resting his other hand on your lower back.

"Fuck yeah," you replied, tightening your grip on his shoulders. His fingers curled up into just the right spot, causing you to reach up and place kisses all over his neck. You stained his skin with prints of your lipstick, occasionally leaving bite marks here and there.

You heard him chuckle to himself. He knew your body so well, he knew exactly what reactions you'd have to certain things. Hell, if he was being honest, he was only using his hands just for you to kiss all over his neck, later letting everyone in the club know that he was yours.

"God, Kirk... Feels so good," you whined, resting your forehead on his bare chest. He smelled good too, he was probably wearing an expensive cologne and it just made you wetter.

"Fuck, I wanna eat you out so bad..." He whispered above your head, making you shiver.

"When we get home." He finished, pumping his fingers in you at a quick pace, enough to get you there.

"Kirk, I'm almost—"

You couldn't even finish your sentence before he pulled his fingers out.

Groaning in disappointment, you looked up at him to question why.

"Why the fuck did you do that?" You looked at him with attitude.

His face moved closer to yours, "'Cause you danced with another guy." He smiled, slowly sucking your juices off his fingers, one at a time.

"Not a reason to be a dick." You crossed your arms, looking away to avoid getting flustered.

"Yeah but definitely a reason to give you dick," he joked, beginning to unbuckle his belt.

You immediately looked down, almost reaching to help him but stopping yourself to avoid looking desperate.

"Tell me I'm the only one you want, the only one who can make you cum so good you forget about anyone else." He spoke desperately, pulling his pants and boxers down just low enough to free himself.

You didn't reply, only taking in his erection. His cock was gorgeous, it had a slight curve upwards that helped him hit your sweet spot.

"Did you hear what I said?" He said a little louder.

"Yes. Yeah Kirk," you quickly met his eyes.

They were dark with lust. "...only you can make me feel good... You're the best I ever had." You reassured him with a smile.

He sighed contently, spitting on his hand and then jerking himself before pulling you off the counter. The movement was sudden, so you held onto his chest to bring yourself back to balance. You stared at his body, the black shirt still on him although it was unbuttoned so you got that sliver of skin in the middle, revealing a light definition of his pectoral and abdominal muscles.

"Turn around," he whispered, not even giving you any time, he grabbed you by the hips and turned you around, bending you over the counter.

Kirk rarely gave it to you from behind because he said it wasn't intimate enough, but when he did, it was always an amazing orgasm for the both of you.

He took a second to tease you, dragging his tip up and down your slit while smirking at you through the mirror, you looked at him unamused.

Noticing this had no effect, slowly he started pushing into you, closing his eyes and shivering at the feeling. There were faint cheers audible outside the bathroom, making you both laugh at the timing.

The DJ seemed to have turned the volume up and you listened as the club mix of Be my lover by La Bouche was playing.

"Fuck, I love this song." You let out a breath as Kirk finally bottomed out.

"Not as much as you love me though, right?" He stayed still for a moment, leaning over you and pressing his torso against your back, his chin resting on your shoulder.

"We look so good like this," he smiled, "I love you."

"I love you too...Now can you actually fuck me please?" you begged, "I haven't had anything inside me since last time we had sex and I just need it right now."

"That's an interesting way to tell me you missed me." He chuckled leaning back up.

"Not even a toy or something...?"

"Shut up." You said, getting agitated before he pulled almost all the way out and harshly pushed himself back in.

He repeated this motion, gradually getting faster as he stared at you through the mirror.

Your breathing quickened, letting out low groans. Kirk kind of lifted one of your legs in a way, giving himself space to draw circles on your clit with his other hand.

A significantly loud moan erupted from your throat, most likely audible for anyone outside the bathroom door.

You clenched around him, making him let out a grunt, "Fuck, I missed you so much," he whined, closing his eyes as his jaw fell open, his eyebrows knitting together.

His thrusts got harder, repeatedly hitting that good spot in you.

Watching him through the mirror, you saw his eyes roll back as his face contorted into different expressions of pleasure, his shirt slipping off one of his shoulders, revealing his bicep.

You whimpered, "Kirk, I'm gonna cum," you breathed heavily.

"Please hold it for a bit, baby," He replied smiling softly at you through the mirror. But you couldn't. With a few more thrusts, your vision got almost blurry as you closed your eyes, letting go of the knot in your stomach.

"I'm sorry," you apologized.

"It's okay, now I know you really missed me if I made you cum that fast." He smirked cheekily.

Kirk stopped his movements on your clit to avoid overstimulating you, his thrusts continuing at the same hard and fast pace.

"I'm almost there," He sighed, biting his lip and letting out soft moans.

He tried going faster, making you clench around him at the sensitive feeling. The liquids from your orgasm helped lubricate his movements a lot better, but his thrusts started slowing down, getting sloppier.

"Fuck..." He whispered, "I'm gonna cum," he said, just then his hips stuttered, his eyes shutting tightly as he tensed up, his seed painting all over your insides. He kept thrusting a little more just to ride out his high. The both of you let out hard breaths as he pulled out, smiling contently at you through the mirror, caressing your hips.

You got up and he giggled, helping you clean up and handing you your panties as he pulled up his boxers and then his trousers.

You started making your way to the door before he grabbed your hand, spinning you around and pressing a soft kiss onto your lips.

"I love you." He smiled.

Smiling back, "I love you too," you responded.

"I'm sorry this was all I could give you, I just really missed the feeling of you, and I couldn't wait... But I promise when we get home, I'll treat you better." He winked.

"Kirk, it's okay." You chuckled, buttoning up his shirt, making his collar look neat. "It's not like you just treated me badly."

"Sorry," He said, watching your face as you focused on his shirt.

"What'd I ever do to deserve you..." He looked at you sadly.

"Shut up, cheeseball." You looked away as you grabbed his hand and lead him to the door, making a joke to avoid having this conversation now.

Right as you opened the door, someone walked in, looking between the both of you awkwardly, staring at the mess of lipstick all over Kirk's mouth and neck.

The woman gulped, blinking and quickly walking past you into the bathroom, Kirk just chuckled.

"You sure you don't wanna clean that up?"

"It's okay, babe, I don't care if they know what happened. At least this way they know I'm all yours," he looked down at you with those adorable eyes.

"Ugh, I hate it when you do that." You joked, looking away to hide the blood rush in your face.

You made it to the main room, walking past people to the exit.

You came across Sara, "Hey guys!" She smiled at the sight of you, "I didn't know you were back, Kirk." She greeted him with a handshake.

"Wait..." She squinted, seeing the mess of lipstick all over him, it was kind of hard to notice in the low light of the room.

"Were you the ones having a quickie in the bathroom?"

You both blushed, looking at each other awkwardly.

"Me and some other girls needed to use it but we heard some... Noises...so we didn't go in."

"Oh god." You pinched the bridge of your nose, embarrassed.

Kirk laughed at your reaction, "Yeah, sorry about that." He chuckled.

"Okay, we're going home now." You said, hugging Sara. Kirk waved and took your hand, following you to the door.

Of course though, the night wouldn't be over without you running by Diego.

You simply ignored him, but Kirk gave him a stare without your knowledge, trying to make the kiss marks on his neck as noticeable as possible for Diego to know only Kirk knew how to fuck you good.

Finally you exited, taking a breath of the fresh air as Kirk pressed a kiss onto your cheek.

"Ready to go home?" He smiled.

———————

thank you for reading!!!

[heartlandians]

Filling Empty Spaces (Amy/Mitch), part 230

Mitch and Amy find an unexpected connection due to absent lovers. Set around season 11->.

A/N: I didn’t have a beta for this story, so hopefully there won’t be too many grammar errors.

****

The whirring of the hospital doors played in the background and the smell of hand sanitizer pushed through their noses when Mitch and Lou entered the building.

The sensations reminded Mitch of the visit he had paid to this very same hospital last year after Ty had attacked him unprovoked at Heartland. Thankfully no bigger harm had been done back then, but it seemed like his visits here were never for anything pleasant.

It was strange to think how things had changed since, but apparently awkward trips to hospitals were still an on-going theme for him.

After the assault, things had been weird between him and Amy. There had not been anything romantic going on (yet), despite what people had assumed, so Ty's attack had only added a layer of confusion into everything; like he had not been even allowed to be friends with Amy because "it sent a wrong signal".

Now, almost a year later, they were more than friends and yet they were still kept apart to some degree partly due to that whole misunderstanding at that time. This time, however, the message would have been truthful, but the timing would have just been bad.

And so, here was Mitch, tagging along with Amy's sister when she paid a visit to the hospital her younger sister was in, in hopes to make sense of all of this.

"Hey, I'm Lou Fleming. I'm here to visit my sister, Amy Fleming", Lou began the conversation with the nurse at the reception when they reached the counter. She leaned on the surface after adjusting the handbag on her shoulder. "I was wondering if there's been any updates since yesterday?"

"Let me see..." the nurse said and began to type in something with the keyboard in front of her. "Amy Fleming, you said?" she checked.

Lou nodded. "F-L-E-M-I-N-G. Just one "M". Yes."

Mitch looked around, assessing the atmosphere in the waiting room.

He saw people on their phones, either contacting loved ones or trying to find distraction, others leaning on their loved ones as they were trying to keep their eyes open with poor results and some visitors were pacing back and forth as the waiting was starting to drive them up the walls.

Even though the situations all of these people had faced, for them to end up here, were no doubt mostly unfortunate, Mitch knew from his own experience that sometimes waiting was even worse than being the one in the surgery or the one in a coma; the feeling when there was nothing you could do but wait was crushing.

Everyone here had their own story, but they had at least one thing in common; without exchanging a word with any of them, Mitch knew all of them felt helpless right now.

And yet, despite all the worry and sadness, there was so much love present. That brought in some hope.

He had been waiting for news about Amy for days now, only getting little crumbs of information here and there. Being closer to actually getting some answers now, Mitch realized that despite having all the time in the world to plan what he would do or say - if this were to happen -, he had no idea what he was actually doing here.

Was this helpful in any way?

To who, exactly?

Was he being selfish? Would Amy approve of this?

"--there's not much to report right now, I'm afraid", the nurse's voice brought Mitch back to this moment.

Answers. Focus, he told himself.

It seemed like the nurse had talked with Lou for a while now, but he had gotten lost in his own head and missed the beginning of the conversation.

Hopefully nothing too crucial.

"It's just... it's been days already", Lou expressed her restlessness, and even though she could have had her personal, somewhat immoral reasons to wish Amy's coma to continue for a little while longer, she did sound disappointed - or maybe concerned. It was hard to tell.

"Your sister's suffered a major head trauma, so it can take a long time to recover from something like that", the nurse replied patiently. Sometimes loved ones had a hard time understanding how long healing actually took because this wasn't their every day life.

But for her, it was.

Mitch couldn't help but admire the way the person behind the counter remained calm, even though it could have been easy to get tired answering - what he assumed to be - repeated questions all day long. It really made a difference when the family and friends were trying to deal with a life-altering event.

"And will you call us right away if she happens to wake up? If no one is here then", Lou insisted to know.

The nurse had an empathetic smile on her face. Mitch assumed this was another question she had almost expected at some point.

"She can't just wake up from a medically induced coma", the nurse reminded.

This was something the family had been told when Amy had been admitted to the hospital after her accident, but the nurse understood it could have easily slipped someone's mind when there was so much new information that had to be taken in.

Or maybe Lou had not been there for that - which, she had not, as she had been flying in from New York.

"Oh... Right..." Lou let out, feeling silly for only thinking how people always woke up from a coma in the movies - medically induced or not - and it was always very dramatically, too.

The nurse felt like maybe repeating some information was in order - which played in Mitch's favor, as this was his first time hearing about it.

"We're still continuously administering the sedate every couple of hours to keep your sister unconsciours in an attempt to minimize brain injury", the nurse continued, stressing why this was important.

Mitch listened to all of this, and even though it all sounded so bizarre in a way - as this still didn't feel real to him - he understood it was all part of the process.

The nurse went on. "We check her every couple of hours to ensure she's still unconscious and sufficiently medicated. Keeping her in a coma is the best thing for her right now as it allows her brain to rest and regenerate more efficiently. When it's time to wake her up, we'll let you know in advance, so you can be here."

Lou nodded as it sounded like they still couldn't really do anything but wait. She glanced at Mitch, realizing she had completely forgotten to introduce him to the nurse.

"Okay, we'll just go see her anyway", Lou said, then gesturing to Mitch. "He's... uh..."

She was looking for a right word.

Mitch waited with bated breath; how much gatekeeping of visitors did this hospital practice? Was it "family only"?

Was he to be Amy's brother, or something?

"He's... with me", was all Lou finally let out, getting a nod of approval from the nurse.

"You remember the room number?" the nurse checked.

"Yeah. Thank you", Lou assured and then turned to head to the elevators, gesturing Mitch to follow her.

"You're welcome. Have a good day", the nurse replied as they left the reception area.

Mitch trailed Lou, eventually catching her at the steel doors just as she pressed the button and adjusted the handbag on her shoulder nervously.

It wasn't even falling off; Mitch noticed it seemed more like a stim to calm Lou down.

"You okay...?" he eventually checked, noticing how frantic Lou seemed.

Her gaze wandered in the hall, quickly passing at him, and then returning to the elevator button.

"Yeah. Yeah", she mumbled, touching her forehead with her clammy fingers. "Sorry, I didn't... really know what to say to the nurse about who you are; I figured you and Amy don't want to tell others about... the dating thing yet. Not that the nurse would care, but just so she doesn't accidentally tell someone else about it. You know, like Grandpa. Or Dad."

Mitch appreciated Lou being discreet, despite the awkward situation.

"Thanks. I think that was fine", Mitch said, looking up to see the digital numbers showing how the elevator was getting lower. "I'm just glad I didn't have to play Peter again in order to join you somewhere."

Lou frowned. ""Play Peter again"...?" she repeated.

"Well, you know, like when you asked me to your high school reunion last year", Mitch reminded. It had annoyed him back then, but now it was just another ridiculous memory to recall. "And you wanted me to pretend to be Peter, for whatever reason."

At least he didn't have to pretend to be someone else this time, but then again, in some ways he was still a secret to so many people in one Fleming sister's life.

So maybe it wasn't all still in the past...

Lou's embarrassment was almost palpable to Mitch as she cringed.

"Oh, god... Right, that... I had forgotten all about that", Lou admitted. "I was... sort of going through something. And it didn't help that I had to deal with Mary-Jane Sutka on top of it all-- Anyway. I don't want to get into that right now..." she sighed as she realized this could easily turn into a spiral.

She was already in middle of one, there was no room for another.

They heard a ding sound as the elevator reached their floor. The doors opened slowly before they entered, both getting more and more anxious as Lou's hand reached for the right button to press.

"So, uh... what are you going to say to Georgie...?" Mitch had to ask.

She had not disclosed that yet as the drive to the hospital had been more about them going over Amy's situation since Mitch had had so many questions.

Lou leaned back and adjusted herself on top of her heels, then glancing at Mitch on her right.

"Oh... Uh, I guess... just that you wanted to come and support me during the visit. That I was upset and... I ran into you at the town or something, and you offered to come. And I mean, you and Amy are-- were friends too, before you... well, you know", she murmured, gesturing that Mitch probably figured what she was trying to say.

He listened to Lou's plan, wondering if Georgie would buy it.

"So it isn't even that far-fetched that you could want to come. Honestly, I don't think she'll think too much into it; she's more upset about this whole situation with Amy than who visits her", Lou continued.

Mitch let out a heavy sigh, clenching his jaw.

Lou's head spun toward him.

"What...? You have a better idea?" Lou scoffed and challenged him, feeling like she was being judged for thinking on her feet. "I think I know my daughter better than you..."

"No, it's not that", Mitch wanted to straighten out as he shook his head a little. "It's just that... apparently you don't know the whole situation. -- Georgie knows."

"Georgie "knows" what?" Lou asked.

"Well, you know... about me and Amy", Mitch clarified. He watched Lou as the realization dawned on her. "I wasn't sure if she had actually already told you that she does, but I guess not--"

"Wait, she knows?" Lou didn't even let him finish. She was baffled.

"Yeah, she knows", Mitch repeated. "Or that's what Amy told me."

"Why didn't you just tell me she knows?!" Lou insisted, looking crossed. "You seriously would have let me walk in there and come up with some sort of lie--"

"I wasn't! I didn't!" Mitch hurried to remind her before she would get too carried away. "That's why I brought it up now."

"Yeah, now, when we're in the elevator, only a small walk away from her!" Lou shot back.

"There was just a lot to talk about, okay?!" Mitch felt defensive, his big frame suddenly looking smaller next to Lou's figure.

The woman huffed, turning back to stare at the doors.

At first Lou figured maybe this would complicate things, but as she mulled it over for few seconds, maybe Georgie knowing would actually make it easier.

"Okay, so... she knows", Lou stated, trying to turn this around. "That means I don't really have to say anything to her, don't I?"

She almost sighed out of a relief, feeling like she had been let off the hook; she didn't like lying to her kids.

"She knows, so... of course you'd want to see Amy", Lou continued, mapping out the plan and all of its sides, saying it out loud as if it couldn't have been more obvious.

Mitch shook his head, laughing, but not with a tone of amusement. "Oh no, I think we have to say something..."

He had not been face to face with Lou's daughter since things had been revealed to Georgie, but from what Amy had said, it had not gone over smoothly, so he wasn't expecting there to be a happy reunion.

Lou stared at him puzzled.

"What's this about? That laugh, that tone?" she demanded, gesturing at him.

Mitch felt uncomfortable and he let out a moan as he was struggling to find his way out verbally.

"We haven't actually had a conversation about it. From what I know, Amy tried, but Georgie basically ran from Heartland to her boyfriend and... I guess they have not talked since", Mitch summarized what he knew with a soft tone, hoping it would help keep Lou calmer.

Lou blinked, staring ahead, wondering what that had been about.

"Ran from Heartland? Why?" she couldn't figure it out. "Nothing's been said to me..."

Mitch sighed, spreading his hands in surrender. "You'd have to talk to her about it; I can't speak for her."

Something clicked for Lou.

"So that's why she wasn't at the rodeo", she was slowly filling the empty spaces.

The chaos of the last few days had been hard to keep up with; from the moment she had landed back on the Canadian soil, the older Fleming sister had entered into a situation where small things easily fell through the cracks - and it seemed like that had happened.

"So, who was there then...?" Mitch wondered. "When it happened... At the rodeo."

"Oh, uh, Jade, her friend and this new ranch hand", Lou explained. "It's kind of a weird situation overall, actually. I guess Amy technically hired him just before the accident, but now... she's in a coma, and we didn't really know what to do with him, so... because we needed help, he's been helping with the chores."

Lou was not the only one filling the blanks.

Typically, this would have been something Amy would have shared with Mitch at the end of the day, but on that faithful point of time, they had not had that moment together during dusk where they would have gone over everything that had happened since the last time they had talked.

It made Mitch sad again.

Those moments had slowly become his favorite time of the day, and the lack of them was noticeable.

The elevator jolted slightly as it reached the right floor and the doors opened. Both Lou and Mitch were about to step out when they noticed a person standing in front of the doors, waiting to get in.

"Georgie", Lou said when she recognized her daughter in front of her, going over the insides of her wallet. "Hey, honey", she breathed out.

Georgie brought her eyes up upon hearing a familiar voice, and her face went from soft to angry in the matter of seconds when she took in the sight.

"What are you doing here...?" she hissed as her eyes drilled onto Mitch. "Mom, what is he doing here?" Georgie demanded to know.

[ofthatcolossalwrxck]

Entry date: 24th of September

Well , ain't this funny . The last entry I wrote was on 6th (or maybe 7th ?) of this month , and Uh . I'm not good at telling time apart , how could I when the dates just feel so . Blurry ? But well , I digress — I hadn't taken my anti psychotics for so long , and I hadn't realized until the nausea had me passed out at work . . Thankfully , no co - worker of mine saw me . They all walked by , thinking that I was just asleep on my desk , and although the thought that people can just pass by when I'm like That . . Kinda stings . It's Whatever , it's fine . I should have learned my lesson a long time ago that people are not keen as they seem ; because if they had , I think they would have noticed a long time ago my cries for Help . My desperation . My

Ah , No . No . no . Now , that's selfish . I am not entitled to that kind of attention and I don't deserve that kind of attention , I feel . And I shouldn't try to rely on people for that either , I shouldn't rely on people too hard because they're not as trustworthy as they say they are , and Well , I don't want to hurt more than I have alreadybhurt . Anyways , anti - psychotics Right . God bless my therapist for beingbso patient with me ; I have no idea as to why she hasn't given up on me yet , especially since I missed so many sessions and I haven't taken much of my medication lately either so I have so much to make up for . Hm

On my first night after a long time of taking anti - pscyhotics . The side effects feel just as heavier than it did before though , now I feel like there's a literal something weighing down my eye lids , because with each second I breath in , I find myself dozing off . The nausea hasn't gotten away completely either – so I'm not sure why I'm feeling that way either . Actually thinking about it , I always feel that a Lot ever since I came back into existence . Comes in waves but it's usually bearable So i dont know Why Everythtigg's aching , I don't know why it hurts to moce a lot i mena it usually is but It feels more Painful it hurts the throbbing I can feel it Down mg Legs

the air fele sHumid i think i think I thrink I think I deserve abit of rest maybe Lay down for a Little while on my bed perjaps . . Something scarss me though , my therpaist wants to administ e r anti depressants as soon A sI get used to anti pscyhotics but Honestly ?? Id dont know if I want to take more medicine if this is how I feel rigtht now i hope aftee a bit of rest I will be ready for the job interview in Thee days god i need that job now that theres one person a d a pet sheep in my house Now

ghostbur . Ghostbru right . I havent nmmentioned Ghostbur , haven't I ? he's moved in with me now afte rmy invitation , and thinkjng anout it , I should definitely work on that extra room too so we won't have to share the Same bed and he can have his Own little space . Its the lwadt I can do since he nrought me the closure I needed – I i nee d I N eed to be better , i have to because everyone's pain would be for nothing if I didn't I i yeah . just a Few moments of rest first .. before I think about that ......

[elsdaydreams]

Selfish (requested by anonymous)

Malik x Gender-Neutral!Reader

Warnings - none.

Word Count - 592 words.

Description - The days in which you and Malik slept in were few and far between. So perhaps it's not selfish for you to revel in the rare moments. | “Playing with their hair while their head’s in your lap.” For Malik Al-Sayf if you have the time, thank you!

Authors Note - In a completely shocking not at all expected turn of events, I went m.i.a. on this page. My love for these characters, however, never left. I am active occasionally, just have had major, major, things going on in my personal life. It's such a safe space for me to take time off from writing, but to come back is so relieving. I love writing, and this page will always be the place I come back to. If you're still here, still looking to see if I've written something new, still liking my old works, know that I appreciate you infinitely. I'm never far off, so if you ever feel like leaving me an ask, you can always do that (even if I don't respond, I do see them!) I hope you enjoy this little drabble that I absolutely did not proofread at all. Ella

Your body woke up before your mind did. Shifting underneath a familiar weight, you felt groans of protest from the man laying on top of you. Your hands flung up to what you assumed was his head, his short fluffy hair meeting your fingertips affirmed to you that it was. Sleepily, and with your eyes closed you stroked aimlessly.

Behind your eyelids the sun gleamed onto the two of you. It was unusual for the two of you to be in bed so late, but the lack of urgency to be up and doing something was relaxing. Even now that your mind had begun the process of waking up, aware that it was daytime and there was likely things you could be doing, ultimately it was easier to bask in the sun with the love of your life curled up next to you.

You were positive that the pair of you hadn't gone to sleep this way, with him practically on top of you. The nights brought a chill that the day did not have, and as natural as it was during the day for you to find each other, your bodies seemed to unconsciously do the same during sleep. Maybe it was the fact that you were already starting to feel the uncomfortable heat from the sun that caused you to stir. It didn't help that Malik was practically a human furnace, his body temperature always unusually warm.

Against your chest, you heard him begin to stir, your eyes not open still to preserve the laziness you felt in your bones, but the groggy mumblings seemed to draw you in. Knowing that he would be the one you could look at seemed worth breaking the peace of sleep. Finally, prying the sleep from your lids, they peered into the familiar room, locking onto the man with a sense of deep love. It wasn't often you got to feel protective over Malik. He was often reminding you, chastising you that he was grown, that he could take care of himself, that he had for many years. When he was resting, however, you got to enjoy feeling a bit protective over him, cuddling into the rather cozy feeling it brought you.

You'd memorized everything there was to know about the man, yet your eyes took him in with reverence. The scar that was just barely there above his eyebrows, which were thick and almost always in a deep scowl. The sleep warded that away though the remnants of it were still there, in the wrinkles that remained as a permanent reminder of the familiar face. Your eyes traced down from the etched lines to his nose, and his lips, and the stubble along the cheeks and jawline. He would probably shave it down soon, Malik liked a shorter facial hair himself, protested when it got too long. You didn't mind the peculiarities that he had, in fact you reveled in them, in him.

If he knew what you were thinking about, he would likely stoically roll his eyes at you, once again reminding you that he was not a novice assassin that you trained. Still, the blush on his cheeks would betray him at once, promising an appreciation of someone caring so deeply for him.

For now, you would enjoy the feeling, of caring for him freely in the sanctity of the space the two of you created. For now, you would enjoy the warmth between the two of you, the hair so familiar underneath your fingertips. For now, you would simply watch him sleep.

[falderaletcetera]

I was not expecting to wake up to have feelings about jackrum today but it sure is happening

(big spoilers for monstrous regiment below, this is a frustrating thing to discuss in public spaces)

so like. I will heartily defend readings of jackrum as a trans man, Full Stop. I will also, now that I know it's an issue beyond the audiobook, extend some grace to folks who don't read him as trans, in case they read an edited version and not, y'know, the author's original intent for him.

and this is a thing where it's vague enough in the text - jackrum never exactly declares himself a man, he actually has this running joke that "on my honour, I am not a violent man" or similar, where the joke is eventually that he is not a man so can actually say that while beating the shit out of everyone - where reading him anywhere in the wonderful soup-pot of gender variance is, y'know, justifiable, to my mind. so long as there's space for him being happier living as a man and settling on he/him pronouns (in original editions) and male presentation.

for me - as someone who is sort of chronically Not Sure about their gender, and exhausted by the question - it encapsulates the "what is important is what would make you happy, not what you are" thing beautifully. jackrum doesn't exist in a time and culture that has the kind of awareness and defintion of gender identity that we do. (maybe this is me being a bit of a pedant about it though.) jackrum can say, and does say and does show us, what he's happier doing.

this is going nowhere I'm just experiencing great fondness and appreciation for it and mourning, a little, the fact that most of the books out there wipe out this reading in favour of Less Transness.

...monstrous regiment does have a few rough spots if you read it with a trans lens. jackrum outs an entire room of soliders as "women", with the names they went by before, which was a tough thing for me to swallow until I accepted that a) jackrum is just not a nice person b) he had good reasons for stirring things up a bit and c) pratchett, maybe, was operating on "transness is probably quite rare" assumptions.

but his handling of jackrum made me want to hug him. jackrum was fat and violent and crude and not very nice; he had a soldier's honour, which is to say, rather little and tempered as steel; he was, frankly, a bit of a monster. he taught brave young lads to go out and kill or die or both for the stupidest of reasons. but he got treated with grace. he got to fool everyone and make his secret jokes and help others like him, or not like him, make it in the army, and when someone selfish and clever and sharp enough to actually figure him out tells him as much, he gets to tell his story. and then he gets to be happy.

jackrum's chosen gender presentation is, to my mind, potentially tangled up with him being a manipulative bastard who loves to fool people, and this is beautiful, actually. he's a complicated monster the likes of which I have never read before, and he's trans, and no fucking wonder more recent editions retcon this wonderful mess, but I'm so glad we got it when we did.

this is still going nowhere, and that is all.

[ronearoundblindly]

Bestie, you’re really giving such wise sage vibes lately. Like, everything’s feeling so profound and it pairs well with the new blog theme

(I feel like I’m giving you a little token “here, a nicety. For your hoard” and it reminds me of that scene from princess diaries where they’re like “a chicken. For your table.”) ok anyways hiiii byeeee

I COULDN'T FIND A GIF OF TINY!!! (that's what they called him, right? Huge blond dude? He was great. Had the *heaviest* accent in a land speaking english lol. Excellent movie. Top marks!)

This was the closest I found, but I didn't try Tumblr's gif search because lol why try in that hellhole (moderately affectionate but truly disdainful)??

*unbelievably bizarre rant about how perfect this reference became below the cut, but tldr; thank you for your nicety!

Yes, 'tis always a time of great reflection for me--right around my birthday--and I'm happy it hasn't turned people off to the fun of fanfic. I just really enjoy complex thinking. I enjoy building multi-faceted characters and storylines. I enjoy when things don't go the way you expected (IN FIC). Stuff like that makes our brains work harder to see and understand the real world around us.

I don't like the idea that I'm 'making excuses' for bad behavior, but I'm also concerned by how many logical and self-preserving actions we take offense to when we aren't the person benefitting. There's absolutely douchey folks out in the world, selfish people who dngaf about you or your feelings, but remember even those you love can't have all of you and your energy all of the time. Maybe that feels like selfishness to them in those moments? Doesn't mean it wasn't right for you and possibly best for them as well.

How can you be your authentic self if you don't give yourself any time to be?

I have the luxury of being a very patient person. It's perhaps the single most-helpful trait I possess (which also makes me sit a very long time on nice comments such as, well, most of yours 😘), and I've grown fond of the idea that my patience has led to understanding that imperfect moments, inarticulate speeches, and misinterpretations can be unifying, clarifying, and informative.

Just don't chase the chicken! Watch it roam. Laugh at the absurdity. Remember to conserve your energy for pursuits worth your time. But of course, thank Tiny for his offering. A chicken for your table was a logical gift from him. He did not bring it to shit in your throne room.

Give yourself as much grace as you give others. Reflect on your actions as much as you do everyone else's. Then give yourself space, as much space as you can for as long as possible, until you see all the facets. You won't right away; you won't even see how your own brain works for a while.

Live imperfect moments. Give inarticulate speeches. Misinterpret and be misinterpreted.

You are offering a chicken for the table, and sometimes, they get loose and cause chaos. Sometimes, with your best intentions and all your logic, your offering to the world will shit in the throne room. It's okay. It happens to all of us.

Thank you for being you, Essie!

[fxlling13]

13 x reader

Mind Palace

Warnings: self deprication??

This is more of a vent story about how I've been feeling recently. ADHD can really mess with you at time. Now, I am a girl and this is just how my ADHD affects me so if you can't relate, please don't attack me. Maybe spelling mistakes? I wrote this in ten minutes. Maybe I'll write a second part some time?

--------------------------------------

It had been a few days since our last adventure and I was raring to go on another. Having a condition that made your brain feel like it was on fast forward, was really irritating at times. Jumping down the steps, I joined the rest at the console and smiled at them happily.

"So, where are we going now?" I asked, excited at the idea of a new planet or experience. Dan looked at me and sighed.

"Actually, I've asked the doc to drop us off home. Need a rest you know?" Face falling slightly, I looked between them both.

"Both of you?" Yaz just nod at me.

"Yeah, I wanna see my family and do a bit of work." Swallowing down my disappointment, I stood back and rested my hand on the console.

"Yeah, of course." Feeling the tardis land, we dropped yaz off first before heading on to Liverpool. Dan waved at us then left briskly. I turned to the doctor, my gaze down to the metallic floor.

"You can drop me off n-"

"I'm not taking you home." Head shooting up, she smiled at me before sending us off into space once more.

"Before we do anything, I do want a chat. If that's okay?" Confused, I agreed and quickly followed after the blonde when she left the main room. After a minute, we entered a room that was a cross between a library and a living room. There was a plush brown couch situated in front of a lit fire. Book cases lined the rooms and there was a pile of blankets in the corner.

"Get comfortable." Doing as she said, I sat on the couch and pulled my knees up to my chest out of reflex. Joining me, the doctor gave a kind smile before holding my hand.

"I've never seen you look so heart broken. Why didn't you want to go home?" Her question caught me off guard and I could tell that she suspected something bad. Shaking my head quickly, I laughed a little.

"My home is very safe doctor. I'm just- When plans change or, I make plans in my head and they get ruined, it really bothers me." I explained slightly embarrassed. It always sounded selfish saying these thoughts out loud.

"I have ADHD. Its different in how it affects each individual. For me, I need to constantly be doing something. Or have something to look forward. Or else, what's the point?" Staring at our joined hands, I took notice of how pretty and slender hers were. Why hadn't i seen that the many other times we'd held hands? Shaking my head from the distractions, I carried on.

"Its selfish i know. But my head feels like there's a million tiny people running around and continually screaming at me to do something. I need activity." Pressing my lips together, I almost squeaked in surprise when the doctor moved over to my side and pressed herself against my side. She looked at me with intent, as if I was the most interesting person in the universe.

"You need constant distraction from your own feelings. Your own self conscience is out to get you." All I could do was nod dumbly at her observing. We were so close and I could feel the blush crawling up my skin.

"I dont think it's selfish by the way. You can help they way you think, love." Now I definitely was blushing. Where did that name come from? Either way, I relaxed knowing that I wasn't being judged.

"You're lucky you found me. We can do whatever you want, whenever you want. But. You do need a break sometimes okay? Even I do." Nodding my head at her words, the doctor beamed and wrapped her arms around me. Sinking I to her hold, my head rested on her chest, arms linked round her waist.

"Never be scared to tell me if this buzzing is overwhelming you. I can help. I'll be here." Tears welled up in my eyes but I didn't let them fall. My grip tightened on her, thinking back to back home. I was always alone. So hard to make friends and everyone so busy.

"I'm so used to being shut down. To people not understanding. They tell me that i can't be like that. That it's not fair. That it's not all about me." Chewing on my lip, I almost drew blood.

"I know it's not about me. I just want to have fun, is that a crime? Why does no one ever wa-" choking up, I cut myself off accidentally. The doctor sat me up worriedly and wiped my eyes gently.

"Hey, its okay. I'm here for that now. I'm more than happy to be there when you feel like this." Sniffling, I looked at her doubtfully. I just couldn't believe it. Not when my own mother wouldn't give me the time when I needed it. No matter how much I explained how I felt, it was pushed aside.

"Why? Im-...its pretty pointless. No?"

"No. Not at all. Spending time with you? I couldn't think of anything better." Not being able to surpress my smile, I threw myself at her. Face buried into her neck, my arms hung over her shoulders loosely. The doctor rubbed my back and chuckled at my actions.

"I've got a whole universe to show you darling. So you better now back out on me now." Laughing, I pulled away and kissed her cheek affectionately. Not minding the colour her cheeks were gaining, I simpered.

"Of course I won't. Not ever."

[cebwrites]

tw: suicide/suicidal ideation word count: 0.5k

.

.

The week I died, it was hot

There were no supernatural cosmic entities to horrify or fall in love with me No one to decipher a decades' long mystery with me I was alone in my room, in the heat, as always I prayed for rain to cleanse my agony knowing that elsewhere, it would flood

The week I died, I lost my appetite

My appetite for food, for my hobbies Nothing was particularly tasty and eating became a chore My body gave me often, painful reminders but I just couldn't be bothered to spend the energy The words too swirled around in my head, refusing to take form For the projects I let pile up, for writing this

The week I died, someone got married

I looked up the reason for a custom my family's culture had and thought it was crass Because my grandparents, aunt, and uncle were wrapping boiled eggs to give as gifts to the guests But my tastes nor experiences aren't universal

The week I died, I cried a lot

I felt stupid for only being able to process events in my life through the lens of cringy visualized comics in my head Selfish for the burden I'd put on my friends for my actions For making the sporadic friend groups I flit in and out of wonder why I stopped replying to their messages

I listened to love songs, despite or maybe because of the absence of intimate physical connection I talked to the people close to me, draining what little energy I had because burnout was better than the bitterness of feeling lonely Things I really looked forward to came in the post, I got an email saying something else had just shipped

But then I worried about how much work I'd have to do And I was tired

The week after I died,

The sun would still rise Capitalism would still continue to crush everyone under its boot, the earth would still get hotter every year Merchandise of my favorite characters would still be made My friends would still get to talk about their interests in the groups I gradually felt more alien in

The week I died, [redacted] days from my birthday

I was losing touch with the person I saw in the mirror I liked how he looked, "hardcore" like my partner once said But I didn't at all feel like I could live up to the image reflected back at me The insecure me, That worried about taking up too much space Yet selfishly wanted to bottle up all my friends' affections for me so it would never fade If I'm not useful to them, what point would they have to keep me around

The sensitive me, Blocking out every mild discomfort Because feeling upset is the worst feeling ever

The wrathful me, Hating the situation without control I was left in but without the strength to "pull myself up by the bootstraps" out of it Resenting and fearing the people around me

The me that died tonight,

Looking to throw away all these painful, unwanted feelings and finally rest.

[ara270904]

I fucking hate thinking about my feelings, sometimes I hate feelings. Like when I was like 12 I just really wanted to be happy just that.

And I also remembered that I haven't had an own room in eight years, I have shared a room with my younger brother for eight years because the house where we live only has two rooms. So my parents are in one and we are in the other.

If I had a room, how would I decorate it? Would I paint the walls? Would I have posters? Bookcases? Shelves? Cute decorations? Old toys? Stuffed animals maybe?

I would love having an own room, A house would be cool but for now I just want a room of my own. My own closet exclusively for my clothes, a space exclusively for me

I don't like to post about me because icky feelings. I love fandoms and loving characters because that way I can forget my real life problems and have fun or suffer with silly little fanfics or fanarts.

Sometimes I just want to tear my hair out of my head and be a normal person who talks about normal things and not about fandoms and fanfics and weird ideas.

I really want to be happy for her because she wanted that but I don't know how, she wanted love and she was disappointed by that stupid guy.

I want to go on a first date, have a first kiss. Do romantic things that teenagers should have done.

I'm just a girl that's almost twenty who is probably asexual. I want to be loved but at the same time I want to be materialistic, I want money, I want things, I want to be selfish.

Sometimes I want to run and run and run because life. She wanted to be happy but the happiness feels very momentary.

Sometimes I want to run away where no one knows me but I know that would make me very afraid.

Please I just want to be loved, to be held, to be kissed, to be someone special, to be important, to feel like I'm someone.

Men or women? How I'm supposed to know? Both? No one? Men? Women? I'm just a indecisive girl

I'm scared of sex and pregnancy

Living is scary

Sometimes the days mix and come together in a monotony that makes time pass slowly and very very quickly at the same time.

I'm just a girl

I really want to study biochemistry? Is it my thing? Or I just chose it because I had no idea I would study and I chose the first thing I thought of. Stupid difficult college career

What's really love? Platonic love is cool but I want the romantic love

why I feel no one really likes my ideas? I feel like no one likes anything that goes out my mouth or that comes out my mind

I don't want to search to find love, I want the cute and good love to find me. I want to stop wanting because I have it. When will be my turn??????

I've been asking for it desperately for years, she and I have been waiting a long time

I should stop writing. A little venting and letting go of feelings feels good

Bottling feelings until they explode is not right and it is not healthy but sometimes you can't stop yourself from doing it but you suffer.

I love me but I hate me but I love me