#maybe because there is no real.. happy ending? or the ending is somewhat anticlimactic?

[bearsgrove]

thinking about the last episode of the breaking bad on this fine sunday morning

[noddytheornithopod]

So I have seen through to the end of Master Detective Archives: Rain Code, so time to post random spoilery thoughts

First of all... I quickly figured out the Homunculi twist. Especially when I saw the meat buns being made. I did jokingly suggest weeks ago maybe they’re made of Homunculi or something... I just got who is eating who wrong. Now if you’ll excuse me, if I see anywhere offering meat buns, it’s gonna be a while before I feel okay trying them.

I also had a feeling Makoto was running this totalitarian city to protect the Homunculi. Interesting that even while many of the cases don’t have more sympathetic culprits, we actually have our central antagonist be someone with sympathetic motives.

This is of course a spiritual successor to Danganronpa, but it especially follows up on V3′s themes, so it’s even more a spiritual successor to that game specifically. V3 ended on a more ambiguous and existential note, but probably because the stuff they were dealing with in that climax was more abstract and well less applicable to real life. I do kind of prefer that still, but I do like what Rain Code ended up doing even if comes to a somewhat different conclusion to V3 (truth being more subjective/the idea of emotional truth vs there’s one truth even if it sucks and we just have to choose how to face it, again I think the difference comes down to V3 exploring the idea of fiction itself and why we tell and care about stories, so different scenarios). Still, wonder if this is Kodaka just exploring different ideas, or if there’s an evolution in his thinking going on here.

Oh yeah, speaking of Danganronpa, the pink blood aesthetic choice becomes an actual plot point cuz that’s now Homunculi blood. I have a feeling there’s already lots of wild crack theories about how the Danganronpa universe is now populated with Homunculi or something, lol. That being said, it could be a fancy way for Team Danganronpa to keep making a cast for more seasons... okay okay stop Noddy

When the other Master Detectives died, I thought it was pretty anticlimactic. It was a relief to see they were alive not just because I wanted them to be (even resident fuckboy Desuhiko), but because if they just unceremoniously died offscreen like that, it would’ve been extremely underwhelming (seriously, at least Halara would’ve made it out, there weren’t THAT many Homunculi in one place, Makoto :v).

I’m really happy we ended with a nonviolent solution - reaping the souls of murderers was no fun and clearly took a toll on Yuma. I’m sure some people are gonna be rolling their eyes because IDK Steven Universe made them allergic to villain redemption stories (also Steven Universe is one of the best cartoons in recent memory and its unique take on justice is a positive, shut up don’t @ me). I’ll still need to think about how this progressed overall and if Yuma could’ve been challenged even more, but I like that it ends with Yuma deciding “no I’m going to spare you because you helping everyone will benefit more”, and IDK he probably also empathises with Makoto cuz y’know he’s basically a clone of him so he understands how he thinks.

Not surprised Makoto was a Homunculus, nor was I at the Yuma connection, but I didn’t quite expect Yuma being Number One. Like, it’s not THAT surprising when you think about it, but it’s not something I was actively thinking about, especially since well... look at him! He’s a fucking baby! How is HE in charge of the world’s most important detective organisation??? Look I know he’s actually like 19 or some shit and character design means fuck all for ages in these Spike Chunsoft/Too Kyo games but you certainly could’ve fooled me.

I felt more with Shinigami than I expected, especially when they said goodbye. Like, it actually makes me see their previous interactions differently. Was Shinigami this rough and rude all the time just so that she wouldn’t let Yuma be attached to her, and thus making vice versa unlikely? Was she TRYING to be unlikeable just so that when the time came for their pact to end (and well it has to, he was using her to solve the big mystery), saying goodbye would be easier? Also to actually see some growth from her too surprised me, always insisting he should learn to be self reliant and stuff (obviously not noticing the hypocrisy lol) but then realising Yuma’s strength was that he could trust others and work with them (and like, that’s the whole point of the coalescence Forte, it’s that trait manifested into an actual ability). I had a feeling the game was going here along with its truth vs lies thing, but it’s nice to be vindicated.

I think there’s certainly stuff to analyse from a socio-political aspect too. I will say that it is kinda bullshit to say there’s objectively a smartest human, and all the weird eugenics-y stuff that came from that (though let’s be real, the Unified Government and Amaterasu might as well be doing eugenics, trying to find “ideal” specimens to grow Homunculi from). Okay, that aside, so the idea for creating immortal humanoids was... for military purposes. Yeah, seeing how much governments would rather invest in the military industrial complex than helping people, that tracks. I do wonder if there’s any influence from Japanese issues too, because I am aware that the Japanese government has been militarising more over the past years despite appearing “pacifist”. I also am sure one could find allegories with Homunculi, like they definitely feel like they would’ve just been eliminated in whatever way they could if Makoto didn’t intervene and blackmail the government. But the idea of a bunch of what might as well be sick/diseased people waking up after a massive disaster... part of me wonders if there’s any Hiroshima/Nagasaki bombing parallels that could be drawn. I don’t know enough about what happened to make any solid comments, but I do wonder if there’s something here, or allegories one could draw to anything else. Also yes yes of course we still technically have Amaterasu Corp in charge and yes okay Makoto did change but the anarchist in me is still kind of shaking my fist that they’re still run by a corporation lol. At least there’s referendums now so maybe they’re slowly trying to break it down and decentralise it? That’s just wishful thinking though, I have no clue what the politics of the people at Too Kyo and Spike Chunsoft are, lol.

So there’s probably gonna be more in this series, I wonder if we’ll follow a different detective in each entry? I think it would be tiring for Yuma to keep making pacts with Shinigami and then forgetting her after each game, lol.

This might be recency bias but I got serious Star Wars Rebels vibes from the end. Yuma fucking disappearing on everyone, and the girl close to him going “I’m gonna find him someday” and going on a big journey to do that? Yeah. All we need is IDK a Danganronpa character popping up to fill in the Ahsoka role (though honestly I’d prefer the universes be separate for now, I’m just joking around). :P

Okay so we’ve figured out stuff like how Homunculi can eat without needing to consume human flesh (yay for not just excessively executing criminals), but what about all the “dead” ones? Are we going to figure out a solution for them so they don’t stay in that zombie state forever? They’re basically immortal because even after “dying” the artificial cells regenerate into something technically alive. Look, if they’ve made skin cream to protect them from that deadly UV radiation, they might eventually find something too.

Also are they functionally immortal? Like, I think they said they don’t age because they look as when the DNA was taken, but what about all the kids and stuff? Do they ever grow up? Do those girls in that cutthroat all girls high school (which is now hopefully less cutthroat now they’re not isolated and don’t need to carry the entertainment industry in Kanai Ward lol) have to go there forever? I guess they can graduate, but what if you’re eternally a teenager? Do they just stop growing once they reach maturity like humans? I have too many questions.

Can Homunculi reproduce? What happens when they get busy? What if say Kurumi and Yuma decide to settle down one day assuming all goes well, what happens if a human and a homunculi want kids? Can half-homunculi exist? I’m asking too many questions, lol.

Anyway, had a blast checking this out. I don’t think it will ever be what Danganronpa was for me, those games got into a really unique part of me, but overall I did like most of what we got here. Now if only they’d release it on more than the goddamn Switch...

More thoughts post OP:

So the humanoid race who fears the Sun and risks going berserk reminds me of what I’ve heard about I am Legend/The Omega Man, especially the idea of treating the supposed monsters as sympathetic and having humanity too? Would track for Kodaka and all his pop culture references.

I also like the implicit commentary on the prison systems. Like taking criminals and turning them into food? Yeah, I bet the prison industrial complex would try that if they could get away with it. :V Resident fascist Yomi is of course the embodiment of the Law and Order criminal punishment ideas. But yeah, stuff like Yuma deciding not to just reap Makoto’s soul, the guilt of reaping the murderer’s souls in general, etc does track because I think even Danganronpa has themes like this when you think about it, with Monokuma’s eye for an eye mentality. But yeah, even with endings where people seem to be more cooperative with society, and are trying to rehabilitate or redeem people seems to be a thing here, not just with Makoto but Martina too. Granted, it seems the Peacekeepers still exist from what I can tell, but whatever, you can’t win them all. :v

Once again gotta love how in the end despite all the crude humour and edginess, Kodaka at his heart is a sentimental softie in his work, lol.

There’s a lot of angst you could do with Homunculi killing their human counterparts, eg Kurumi killing her grandfather. On a similar note, sequel idea if they go there: survivors of The Blank Week Incident who escaped Kanai Ward who are convinced Homunculi are dangerous and want to eliminate them, even thinking they “stole” their lives? Maybe even reveal Kurumi’s grandfather survived, he wouldn’t have to face his duplicate so that dilemma would be gone, but the dilemma of facing his granddaughter who thinks and feels exactly as she did her human progenitor but also isn’t and possibly killed her?

So Makoto taking over Amaterasu... good intentions to try and save everyone, but even if it focuses more on the whole creating mysteries aspect at least in the dialogue, there’s something to be said in what a monster he became in the name of these good things. Almost like you can’t just elect the right people to fix what is already a system designed to screw us over, hmm... yeah, see this is why I wish something more radical happened to Amaterasu at the end, lol. The seeds for it are there! Also him saying he’d be fine with Yomi’s totalitarianism as long as he didn’t try to expose Homunculi to other researchers and thus the outside world? I didn’t think about it much initially because I was more focused on how despite everything he did it all started from a good place, but damn, he really did get fucked up. Being afraid and alone is one massive bitch.

[phoenix-is-the-hottest-thing]

ur thoughts on ee and 32-2…so true!! it was bugging me for a while but u worded it so precisely ahh

i feel like making elysia and her pe reveal so perfect not only made the whole elysian realm arc super anticlimactic and discontinuous, but also sucked the meaning out of it?? losing all the tension and negativity to the jesus subtext kinda took away the conflict and agency of her sacrifice, and made it seem a lot less significant than it was…and it also made ee somewhat repetitive? even with the hoc imposter drama, i feel like if her pe reveal as the 13th went heavier on the tragedy/betrayal/misunderstanding, it would have contrasted nicely with the ce (especially the because of you animation!)

Yeaah they had this whole thing going where PE fucking sucked, and then ER was meant to show that despite everything being on fire, people still had hopes and were still human...

but towards the end they just forgot to include the "despite everything being on fire"

Elysia could just run off and have a banquet party. Casually. After 99% of humanity was murdered. There were balloons and games

WHAT???

It would've been so much better if they actually let the bad things exist and feel bad.

As an example, we're told Elysia was homeless for like, a decade, but it never actually has consequences, it's just used as more "look how nice and perfect she is" fuel when she still shares food with another kid.

You know how they could've worked that in? Elysia admitting she stress eats (something hinted at throughout ER) because she was living with food insecurity for so long. Yaknow. Trauma! Consequences! Explaining a character trait from before!!

Or maybe she could say how happy it made her to have a home again when she was recruited by MOTH, with Mobius calling her a weirdo because it's a pretty horrible place and she's a soldier in a war they probably can't win. That could've been used as a segway into Kalpas's true feelings, or just like, "I felt the same as him so I wanted to help him", letting them bond through that.

Maybe she could've said that she tried to find her village to visit but without resources she couldn't reach it. Maybe she tried to go home after joining MOTH but the village was destroyed by Honkai. We know she never met most of the villagers again (there's a few of EE's people who perceived her as a kid) so that would fit perfectly. It could've made her wonder about the futility of leaving, that maybe she should've just spent more time with them, but then she wouldn't have become the person she did.

For the banquet, maybe it could've been a real fight, but she fought in a wedding dress, because she wanted to embrace humanity, or because she had dreamed to get married and it made her sad to go so young, I dunno. Maybe we could've had the FCs who did go pleading with her to stop until Elysia reveals she was only acting. I DUNNO. SOMETHING A LITTLE LESS... SACCHARINE THAN A DANCE PARTY AND BANTER???? It was kind of cute but it also felt so... idk. Rose tinted. I was disappointed a bit. I hoped for and expected an angsty fight :')

Also her not having a divine key is BULLSHIT.

[ruby-whistler]

I recently took your latest survey and I was having some thoughts like I tend to do and thought I would try to understand your POV better and give some insight into mine. I wouldn’t consider myself a “apologist” for any character and actually really hate how the term is used, but in general I disagree with the main opinion I’ve seen on your blog which is that Dream should get a redemption arc. However, my reasoning isn’t one that I see you commonly argue against. (Being that dream shouldn’t get a redemption arc because he’s done bad things.) You always ask some interesting questions, I enjoy taking your surveys, I’ve done all the ones I’ve seen on my dash. So I’d like to in turn ask for your opinion on some things and see your opinion on my POV, if that is ok with you. I just find it interesting to discuss.

the view I see a lot of Dream apologist have is that everyone should have the opportunity for a good ending, which is true.

But I feel like it kind of misses the point of well, we are discussing characters, not real people. Now of course, what we say and write about characters can still have an impact, but I feel like sometimes this fandom in particular goes too far down the route of seeing these characters as people. To the point where anything said about the character is seen as proof of that persons morals, and not something said about a story.

For example, going back to the point about how everyone should have the opportunity to heal, I think that is true. But the fact of the matter is, not everyone will. It’s not realistic. So it makes sense that in stories, not ever y antagonist will have a redemption. I think there’s a huge difference between saying you don’t want a character to heal in a story, and saying you don’t want someone to in real life. For me it completely depends on how well it would work narratively in the story, not how much I think the particular character deserves it.

There’s a reason why the whole “power of friendship” trope is often mocked. It’s because it’s anticlimactic. It takes away all the stakes, leaving you with a rather stale, and hard-to-believe ending. People who have had a considerable downward spiral often can’t be completely derailed by a simple “no, this isn’t right” or a brief act of kindness. To better explain this I think it would help to take a step back from the story and characters we are attached to and just take a look at different stories that are pretty well known. Just to kind of put what I’m trying to say into perspective better.

I’ll take Marvels Infinity war/endgame as a example here because I think a lot of parallels can be drawn from Thanos to c!dream. (And I used to be really into marvel.) What with the whole “greater good” “one big happy family” thing they want to achieve through harm, murder, and total control. Also the disc war finale was literally pulled from endgame lol. With both characters we can see they have at the very least a not terrible motive. If you look closely enough it’s possible to sympathize with them. Less so for me with c!dream simply because we haven’t gotten a real solid backstory or reasoning from him, besides pieced together fanon that we have no real way of determining the accuracy of yet. But I get that some people do really like the character. But keeping along those lines of comparing the two, they’ve both done a ton a very terrible things, and don’t seem to feel any regret for them. (Actually, scratch that, there are scenes that imply thanos at least did feel somewhat bad about what he was doing, another reason that he’s more sympathetic for me. Of course you could claim that c!dream is less emotional or just doesn’t show it, which could be true, but there’s also the claim that he just doesn’t care, which could also very well be true. Again, we sadly don’t have too much insight to his character, which is a shame in my opinion. I’d like the see more of the writers intent.)

So the reason for my comparison is to ask this question, taking away all bias. do you think that giving thanos a redemption arc would of been the right way to take the story. Again, I think both their arcs are easily comparable, seeing as the dsmp pretty much took direct inspiration from those movies in the latter part of season 2. This might be a bit harder to answer if you haven’t seen it but you could easily look up a summary if you wanted to, or just take my word for it that they are pretty similar lol.

Becuase, if the answer is no, then I’m not sure how much some of the points you’ve made on this blog hold up. Besides being based off your liking of the character, which is valid. (there’s a reason why fanfic and fanart exists) but that doesn’t mean that such a ending would be good for a story. Again, I can understand why you would want a redemption for c!dream, just like I want my favorite characters to have a happy ending, but that doesn’t mean I actually want it to happen. Above all else I want a good story.

Just to clarify, I’m not asking if you think these characters deserve redemption. I’m asking if you think it would work well narratively and give a solid conclusion. Because, like I mentioned earlier, this is a story. We arnt discussing the fate of real people here. Having a villain not be redeemed is not the same as saying people who have done really bad things should not be redeemed. Likewise, having a villain be redeemed isn’t saying what they did was ok. Villain redemptions can be well done, but they have to make sense narratively and be satisfying. In this case, I personally believe a redemption for Dream would not be interesting or compelling in the slightest, for the same reason I don’t think endgame ending in a redemption arc for thanos would be interesting or compelling in the slightest, despite the fact that I like both characters.

Part of the reason I brought up marvel at all is I want to kind of reframe the story, because I feel like this fandom has a oddly unique way of viewing the characters and story. Like I mentioned, the characters are often discussed like they are real people. Discussing c!dreams fate is treated like your discussing the fate of a real man, not a character in a story. I think there are some possible reasons for this. For one, all the characters are somewhat attached to their steamers counterpart. So, we feel more attached to them as a whole, and they feel more like real people. Another reason could be that you can watch almost any perspective you like, and leave out any ones you wish to as well. It’s a bit like a choose your own adventure book. So, in a way, pretty much every character could be considered a protagonist.

Which is where I can see a possible argument against my point. In a story where every character is the protagonist, the only satisfying outcome would be one that pleases fans of every POV. Which is where I can see this argument take place of “well, do you think ___ deserves a good ending? Then what about ___?? Surely you must think everyone does, or you just have bad morals!”. It’s a unique situation that I don’t think I’ve seen before. Of course, everyone has their favorites in a story, but the difference here is there are no supporting characters or solid antagonist.

And honestly, I think originally Wilbur saw the possibility of that problem arising, which is why he once stated that he wanted the characters to serve the narrative, not the other way around. It’s interesting that we didn’t have nearly as much discussion like this back when Wilbur was writing, because the story was much more conventional. But by the time we got to season three, that sentiment had been pretty much completely thrown out the window, leaving us with what we have today.

This is why I personally prefer the previous narrative. On one hand, this current way of story telling is very unique, and has a lot of potential, but comes with a lot of downsides. Conventional story structure just,,, doesn’t work out as well. Which is why I personally see the best course of action as using Dream as the overall antagonist. Giving Dream a tragic backstory, hidden motives, and eventual redemption arc just wouldn’t do much for the story in my opinion. Sure, it would make people who enjoy and sympathize with his character happy, but it runs into the problem of all the storylines being very separate. Like yeah we can have a separate redemption arc for each and every character, but I just don’t see how we would get an actual story out of that. I think a central villain could really pull things together, but at the moment it’s unclear if that is what they are going for. I guess we’ll just have to see where things go? Maybe there’s some answers to our questions in the aforementioned Dream lore stream? I personally believe he is being written as a central antagonistic character, but I can see where the opinion that he is not comes from, despite not personally wanting the story to take that direction.

I know this is very long, and I apologize, but seeing as you often make surveys and things asking for others povs, which I would imagine results in pages of paragraphs, I figured you wouldn’t be opposed to this. I’d like to hear your opinion/thoughts, but if you don’t want to respond I am fine with that.

alrigh, putting this one onder the ol’ cut because the ask is long enough /lh

so, i don’t actually take “everyone deserves to heal” as an argument why c!dream should have a redemption arc - more like an anti-argument for why he shouldn’t. my main reasons for why i believe he should be redeemed is 1. it’s the only thing that makes sense for the story 2. it’s the thing that makes the most sense for the character 3. he just genuinely deserves better after what he’s gone through 4. at this point anything else would send a really bad message 5. he’s the perfect character with the perfect setup to get one. it’s not just because i like him.

i don’t take what people say about characters deserving redemption as proof of their real life morals, or an example for how they’d treat real people, however i can still say these takes are atrocious, make no sense, or even upsetting and make me want to interact with the person less. they’re often born from bias and are completely illogical from both an objective and a philosophical sense, which is why i speak out about them, not for real life morality issues. this fandom has some of the most ridiculous and unsettling views of the story i’ve seen.

stories are not meant to be 100% realistic. art is supposed to have an improvement of real life - redemption arcs in stories that are well-written aren’t invalidated just because in real life, people don’t become better more often than not. if all bad people became good people, that would be cool actually - it’s not what’s gonna happen in real life, but doesn’t mean i should be opposed to it if it’s pulled off well.

alright, full disclosure, i have never watched a marvel movie in my life. i don’t plan to, really, i read books instead of watching movies most of the time. with the limited knowledge i have of thanos, i’d say some parallels can be drawn, but they’re not the same character at all, nor is their personality, story, or narrative the same. we have gotten confirmation on the fact his goal is peace and for people to get along, and i don’t know what you mean by “pieced together fanon”, but people believe or deny what they want, so whatever. i’d argue he’s easier to sympathize with, but then again, i haven’t watched marvel movies, so in my mind thanos is less a “sympathize” and more of a “understand his motives” type of guy.

i think that if thanos was a character in an environment of less than thirty people, with a home he owned and his family torn apart and divided, becoming more and more ruthless in attempts to stop people from starting long-winded conflict, who has proven again and again to care about people, but employ horrible tactics less despite and more as a result of it, and was defeated and abused in a cruel prison system for several months, while the narrative deliberately shows of his humanity - then yes, i think he should be redeemed. if that is not thanos, then perhaps you should’ve chosen a better comparison, or not used one at all.

seems very out of character to me. perhaps if you think c!dream and thanos are really the same person, you should start considering actual canon more than your own feelings about the character. just a suggestion.

i myself think that everyone on the smp deserves to heal and be redeemed, however i think c!dream will be the only person to get an arc in the upcoming months, because everything is pointing towards the fact and at this point it is pretty obvious the story has picked that option to go with. this is purely story and narrative-based, and my feelings match up with it more than the other way around.

i believe that a redemption arc for c!dream would, because of recent as well as older developments, be the only compelling and interesting writing choice in the upcoming arc. you disagreeing - well, i guess that’ll be your opinion until you’re proven wrong or not. however i strongly disagree because of the themes, narrative and characterization that seem to strongly disagree with you on the subject as well.

cc!wilbur’s literal last wish when leaving the writing was to keep all characters morally grey, no overall antagonist or protagonist. and the writers did a hell of a good job with that, however i guess the fandom wasn’t ready for darker and more philosophically difficult themes to be explored so they promptly switched to a pure black-and-white view of the story (which cc!wilbur straight up criticized them for), i think to try and gain a moral high-ground or something?? idk, they ruined the thing for themselves though, it was definitely not the writers’ fault.

there is no “the story” from a narrative stand-point. all of the characters have wildly different narratives and outlooks. if c!dream’s redemption wouldn’t do much for the story you are watching? honestly why should i care, the dream smp is more complex than that.

if you think c!dream should stay the overall antagonist, maybe you’ve already lost track of the lore. quackity at the moment seems to be the character with the most potential to make a negative impact on several characters’ narrative (hence becoming an antagonist of at least part of the overall story) while c!dream is stuck being the literal victim of his in a prison that is deliberately framed by the writers as dehumanizing and corrupt. if “this character’s vulnerability is being exposed and he is being actively traumatized and outdone by a different villainous character” doesn’t scream “extremely likely redemption arc” to you, i don’t know what will.

c!dream hasn’t been the “central antagonist” for the past six months and there are like three characters already fighting over filling in the spot. if you don’t want the narrative to take that direction? i am sorry, but i don’t think there is much you can do about it.

[lightwormlol]

ACOFAS REVIEW -INC SPOILERS

4.5 stars.

Okay, so! This was the first book I was able to finish in 2021. I've kinda been in a reading slump, and struggling to get past the 30-50% of books. I think its because I took essentially 3 months off my normal (daily) reading schedule and have been prioritising other things (health, fitness, job applications etc) - I think it's a testament to how addicted I was to this that I finished and consumed this at the rate I did! I recently went back and added some things to my ACOWAR review. To briefly summarise, I feel that, at the time I read it, it kind of gave me what I needed, but it definitely isn't getting a re read - my love for feysand has definitely lessened over time, but honestly i'm not that mad at sarah for this, as I find that whenever I've passed the sexual tension part of relationships in books, I tend to get bored of the domestic bliss. Like, leave that shit for an epilogue and keep it at that? As someone generally averse to relationships, but there is definitely a grace period for how long I can actively be smitten with a couple... before it becomes sickly. Taking all this into account, I honestly was nervous for this book, its release date totally took me by surprise, and I read it on a whim. As a Nessian shipper (I mean we didn't really have a choice after acomaf but to delve into the world of fanfic to keep us going) - this book gave me most of what I wanted and needed from them! I think,(some) kudos to SJM, for not disappointing in their relationship. This was definitely a character > plot driven story. In terms of the plot, I wasn't really invested until around the 38% mark? I'm not sure if I was adjusting to the writing style (lots of dramatic. sentences. that. are. so. abrupt. Nesta Archeron. Death etc) - or if it was bc I hadn't read an SJM book since the novella, which I basically skimmed. I was obviously reading for Nessian, but I didn't really feel intrigued by the wider plot (death gods, the human queens? Given I had lost my previous obsession with the world/ have outgrown 'fandom' culture, that made me actively update my knowledge, I couldn't remember a lot!) I think its clear that SJM excels character driven stories, but I think her worldbuilding and execution is significantly better in the throne of glass franchise. Now, I did say this was a character driven story. This is mostly regarding Nesta, Cassian and Azriel. I loved pretty much any interaction they had! I love a good training montage. Ngl though, I think, unless you possess an ardent love for Nessian, you're not going to be particularly wowed by this, if you've read heir of fire, or even acomaf. I obviously am never going to be able to be objective, because I've loved nessian so much from 2017-now, but I loved the dynamic those two (and three - friendship wise between nes/cass/az). One of the highlights of ACOWAR for me was the snippets of Az, showing tenderness, and opening up to the newer members of the inner circle (and i'm excluding any hint of an Elriel ship because FUCK THAT LOL) For me, the tip with SJM books is: once you outgrow them/the particular mode of narrative style, is to not anticipate anything other than a character driven story, albeit one riddled with smut. I personally am a romance heavy reader, so I'm honestly deconditioned to it at this point, (like, when I see reviewers scandalised I'm like... wow, the amount of trash I have consumed in the last five years loool.) While I disagree with the fact SJM marketed this series as y/a (or maybe it wasn't her per se, but the key booksellers definitely did this for her) - I think its clear enough now she's descended into the adult/borderline erotica genre.(very mild imo). I personally like to adopt a policy of skimming sex scenes when I find the dialogue cringy (most the time it is lets be honest any talking is v second hand embarrassment). Cassian and Nesta were definitely better than Rhys and Feyre post chapter 55 though! I was so glad there weren't a million moments of Cass/Nesta betraying their arousal with their scents, in front of everyone (like feysand, the voyeuristic pda pricks they are). I found the slowburn ish nature of their relationship great, and I actually think if you're a virgo/emotionally stunted reader, you will be happy with their relationship dynamic. It contrasts with the daemati sexual snark of acomaf, but it felt right, and authentic. This book was a journey of personal growth, for Nesta. It is clear SJM loves books about strong women, and maybe thats what makes me love this book so much. I think, out of all the archeron sisters, I love Nesta the most. This is for my Rose Calloway fans, my misunderstood, somewhat cold/left out girls, who are less receptive to being vulnerable. If you're a slowburn fan, it's not Mariana Zapata levels of slowburn, imo it's the perfect combo. Addictive enough that I don't want to put it down, but not so fast moving that I couldn't believe it. I loved the sex without emotion relationship they had!! This is honestly never done in mainstream n/a fantasy, unless its a caricature of a 'slut' that normally rivals the main character, lmao. Even if their inner conflict was p transparent, this gave me everything I needed! I know this is vapid lol but I also love the physical dynamic between the two, they just look so good together, the amount of fanart I'm going to reacquaint myself with after this review!! I adored seeing Nesta grow, (even if towards the end I kind of resented her sudden acceptance into the inner circle, i get SJM loves her and just wanted a fluffy ending, but, as a Nesta like character, it's awkward and stilted on her end to adjust to the inner circle like this - i mean, hugging rhys, really??)

I think, if I had to compare this to any other SJM book, I would say Chaols book (though I obviously preferred this). That being said, I felt less attached to new characters in this book than I was in even Chaols book (and even then ngl I remember nothing?) Obviously I loved what it represented, as a trio of traumatised women. I just, didn't love this the way I loved other inner circle members! I get that they gave Nesta exactly what they needed, a family that doesn't hold the history of her sisters, who she doesn't have to worry about holding preconceived notions of disappointment. I loved this for her! Even then.. I just wasn't attached to either of them. I found their interactions cute - but boring. Towards the end, when their stories/pasts are revealed, I couldn't help but cringe slightly, I can't put my finger on why, but I just didn't buy it. Maybe it's the brit in me but I couldn't be moved by this slightly forced bonding moment.. which was so anticlimactic. My 'aww how cute' tolerance is defo deserved for characters whose tropes I love. Maybe they just didn't fit into this list. Maybe I'm just being a cow here?

Now, let's speak about the real star of the show.... A FUCKING MAGICAL HOUSE FRIEND??? YESSSSSSS. IF YOU ARE AN ILONA ANDREWS INNKEEPERS CHRONICLES FAN, U WILL LOVE! How was the animation of this somehow more touching than all of nesta's other friendships combined? Exactly what I ordered, thank you. This trope somehow touches more than any material bonding!! The cute witch x house dynamic (also maybe howls moving castle vibes?) I loved the trying to reach the target of 10,000 steps (a little Celaena HOF). I think this, heir of fire and acomaf are my favourite SJM books for this reason. Gripes: I definitely had some personal gripes with how other members of the inner circle treated Nesta (rhys i'm looking at you. Disappointed doesn't even cover it.) I inherently take offence to any elain scene, as i'm so over bland characters whose existence is reduced to wanting to fucking plant flowers?? like?? really? To go from moriel to that is such a downgrade, even if I fell out of love with Mor due to the way she snubbed Nesta (you're a 500 year old being and you can't see someone is clearly traumatised?). I adore Az so much, but if it aint polyamorous, I cannot see any pairing with Elain making me happy. (wouldn’t mind gwyn though) I think the whole mating bond that I do not want is a good dynamic, but I really hate that everyone has to be mates in this world. I don't think we were that surprised, but it would've been nice if the somehow, idk, developed a strong bond over time, without it being preordained? Like, even if they do not all actively stay with their mate, given how disproportionate mates are among the general population, what's the likelihood 6 members of the inner circle (including lucien) have mates?

My advice? Read this book if you love nessian and the acotar world in general, but don't expect the world building to be consistent with greater fantasy series'. This style of story is obviously what to expect. She writes what she likes, and if her fantasy is this - then who are we, as readers, to expect otherwise?

Final rating: 4.5 (no, i'm not objective, but objectivity does not exist if you are a real, human being, lol)

Original Characters: 5/5 (nessian/az/house wise) 1/5 (feysand - really over how they essentially take over the very end of the book - ugh, I wanted nesta's arc to be wholly separate from them) Writing style: 3.5 Cringe Scale: Low, with the exception of some dialogue. New Characters: 2 Plot: I went into it with a 2 and came out with a 4. Not in terms of complexity, but in terms of how addictive and enjoyable this reading experience was! (less)

[sanderssidesfanfiction]

If There’s a Place I Could Be - Chapter Seventy Eight

If There’s a Place I Could Be Tag

December 17th, 2002

Emile grinned when he read the letter. The city had just gotten back to him after they had inspected the shop, and everything was up to code! He had done it! He had gotten the furniture, the electricity, the plumbing, he had gotten everything done and now it was clean and up to code, completely on the up-and-up, and Remy still didn’t know that the shop existed!

Clutching the letter close to his chest, Emile squealed, and bounced up and down. He was incredibly glad that Remy wasn’t home right now, or else the game might have been up. But he was done! Now all he had to do was wait for Remy’s birthday, and as soon as it was there, he could hand over the property!

  December 31st, 2002

Emile held his hands over Remy’s eyes, guiding him down Main Street. Emile was laughing all the while, and Remy had no clue what he was doing, making this moment all the sweeter. “Where exactly are we going?” Remy asked.

“I told you, Rem, it’s a surprise!” Emile chirped. “But I guarantee you’re gonna love it!”

Remy grumbled, “Whatever you say,” and they kept walking. “I can’t believe that after all this time, after your apparent months of planning and scheming and getting everything ready, you still have to cover my eyes while we’re in the final stretch of this. What, are you worried that I’ll figure it out and ruin the surprise before we get there?”

“Not really,” Emile said. “I just like the suspense of it all.”

Remy snorted. “You’re a complete and total nerd, I hope you realize that.”

“I’m fully aware,” Emile placated, unable to stop smiling. When Remy figured out what exactly was going on, he was going to flip out in the best way, and Emile would be watching every moment, every movement. With all his planning he had an idea about how Remy would react, but at the end of the day he technically still didn’t know, and he would be cataloguing everything in his memory. He didn’t want to forget a second of this day.

When Emile finally turned Remy to a stop, Remy was feeling the asphalt beneath them and frowning. “A parking lot?” he asked.

“Not just any parking lot, though,” Emile said. He took his hands off Remy’s eyes and Remy blinked in the sudden light, frowning.

“...That old abandoned building on Main Street? That’s my birthday surprise?” Remy asked.

“It’s not abandoned,” Emile said, holding up a key proudly.

Remy stared at him in befuddlement, before a lightbulb went off and his eyes widened. Emile didn’t think that Remy had figured out the full magnitude of the key, yet, and sure enough, when Remy spoke, he didn’t quite have the full picture. “You didn’t. You found the owner and got the key off them for something inside, didn’t you?”

Emile bounced in place. “Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t,” Emile sang. He dropped the keys into Remy’s palm. “Want to see inside?”

Remy took the keys with a small eye-roll and walked across the parking lot, Emile bouncing right behind him. They got to the front door and Remy slid the key into the lock. He was surprised. “I didn’t think this was the actual key,” he breathed.

Emile ushered him inside, feeling somewhat impatient with the surprise right in front of them, yet just barely out of reach. “Come on, now that you know it’s the real key, why don’t you check out your surprise?”

Remy walked inside and gaped, and Emile was smiling, proud of himself. There were tables with chairs stacked on top of them, and a counter off to the side on the left. It looked for all the world like... “It’s a coffee shop,” Remy said, looking around. “That would be where I’d display pastries, and the blackboard behind it could show what the price for everything is,” Remy said, pointing. “I don’t understand. Something in here is the surprise?”

“Well, sorta,” Emile said.

Remy shook his head, looking around. “It looks perfect for a coffee shop or a restaurant, but...honey, I don’t understand what the surprise is. You...you just got the keys off the realtor?”

“Well, yeah,” Emile said.

“You might want to give them back to their rightful owner, then,” Remy said, tossing them over to Emile. “Because...I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but I really don’t understand what’s going on.”

Emile grinned. “You really want me to return these to their rightful owner?” he asked.

Remy scratched the back of his neck. “Emile, I’m really tired of this game,” Remy sighed.

“Okay, okay, I’ll give the keys back to the owner of the building,” Emile said. He walked over to Remy and grabbed his hand, putting the keys back in them. “There you go. With their rightful owner.”

“Wait...but...I...what?” Remy asked. “I’m not...?”

“Well, you do have to sign a paper or two if you want your name on the property,” Emile allowed. “But after you got passed up for the manager’s position one too many times, and you talked about opening your own shop...it got me thinking.”

Remy’s eyes were welling up with tears and he stared at the keys in his hand. “Emile, you didn’t,” he breathed.

Emile nodded. “I did. This building, and the shop inside, is owned by one Remy Picani.”

Remy put his free hand over his mouth as he started to sob. Emile put up a hand to see if Remy was okay, but he was quickly pounced by Remy kissing him passionately. When Remy broke the kiss apart, he was crying, but grinning. “I don’t even know what I’m going to call it, but I love it already,” Remy said.

“I thought you came up with a name years ago,” Emile said. “I assumed you’d call it Sleep Easy.”

Remy laughed. “You know what? My coffee is so good that it should be illegal. Sleep Easy it is.”

Emile beamed. “Now, I will warn you, there is one catch in all of this: I have no idea what you need to make coffee, or pastries, or anything else you would sell. And you’re gonna need to use a lot of your own money that you saved in order to lift this place off the ground. My trust fund got you the property, but your money is going to have to keep it alive.”

“I’ve been saving up here and there for ages, now, Emile. I may not have been able to buy a shop on Main Street but I have enough for advertising and supplies,” Remy said. “It’s enough to start the shop.”

Emile just bounced more. “That’s great! What’s the first thing you’re going to do as a brand-new shop owner?”

Remy grinned. “I think I’m going to thank my wonderful boyfriend a little more for helping to make this happen.”

Emile tittered as Remy leaned in and kissed him again, this time slow, and sweet, and tender. Emile’s hands went to Remy’s hips, pulling him closer and leaning into the kiss. When they broke apart, Remy laughed. “I hate to admit this, but you’re right. This was much better as a surprise. How much work do I need to do to get this place up to code...?”

Emile grinned. “None.”

Remy blinked. Emile grinned wider. “None?” Remy repeated dumbly.

“I made sure everything was up to code before I brought you here. You don’t have to do any work in that regard,” Emile explained.

“You...you...did that?” Remy asked.

“Got approval from the city and everything. This place is ready to be a shop, as soon as you get some people working for you,” Emile said, shoving his hands in his pockets and bouncing on his toes. “I’ve put a lot of work into this, Rem, I told you. All you need is the people and the supplies and you can get this place to take off!”

“Finding people...I can probably get a few from both my jobs, because there are some people there who just hate the managers. Beyond that, I could probably get some college kids, or high schoolers, depending. Put some flyers up, figure out where to get everything I need...yeah, I could definitely do this. I already have a recipe book, after all!”

Emile couldn’t stop bouncing in excitement. “So you’re gonna do it?” he asked.

“Oh, yeah, definitely!” Remy exclaimed. “It’s gonna take me some time to figure out the menu, get all the supplies, and the people, but you’d better believe I’m doing this! I’m gonna talk about it to every person I meet, too! Advertising is important for getting a restaurant off the ground!”

Emile laughed, and Remy was beaming. “I’m so happy you like it!” Emile said.

Remy shook his head. “I love it,” he said. “How many of our friends knew about this?”

“Theo, Clara, Xavier, a few others,” Emile said. “Plus anyone who did the woodworking on the tables and chairs.”

“Wait, you hired people to make those specifically for the shop?!” Remy asked.

“Oh, yeah!” Emile exclaimed, dragging Remy over to the nearest table. “Specifically made for the shop, freshly stained and sanded, all locally made, too.”

Remy shook his head. “So that’s why you were asking me about woodwork last month,” he mused. “Emile, I love you, so, so much, but I’m telling you now: there’s no way I can top this. I can’t even try to top this. This is just—it’s too perfect. You found the perfect gift. I can’t thank you enough.”

“Honey, there’s no need to top this,” Emile said. “This isn’t a competition. I got this for you because I knew you could do great things with the opportunity, so I helped you get to the starting line. It’s not as big a thing as you’re making it out to be.”

Remy hugged Emile tight and said, “You know, when you bounced into the room, insisting that I get my jacket on right that instant, I never could have imagined that we would be coming here. But like I said, this is the perfect gift.”

Emile kissed Remy’s cheek. “I’m glad,” Emile said. “Do you want to call some of your friends and let them know?”

Remy took a step back and hummed. “I would, but I have an evening shift at work today, and I already know that if I start calling them, I’m not going to stop in time for work.”

“That’s fair,” Emile said, scratching the back of his neck. “Do we have to get back to the apartment for you to get ready for work?”

Checking his cell phone for the time, Remy sighed. “Soon,” he agreed. “Not quite yet.”

Emile sighed. “Kinda anticlimactic, if you ask me. You get to own your very own shop but at the end of the reveal, you have to get back to work where you usually go.”

Remy laughed. “Honey, trust me, nothing’s going to be the same after this. As I go to work, I’m gonna talk to August and tell her about the shop, and invite her to come work for me. I might talk to some of my other coworkers, too, if the manager doesn’t catch me. Grab as many people as I can who know the work, put up signs around the college campus saying I’m hiring, and opening a little while after that...it may seem like everything is returning to normal, but to me, this changes my entire life.”

“Well, good, I’m glad. That was the idea,” Emile said with a smile.

Remy looked around the shop one more time, eyes wide with wonder, and Emile couldn’t help the swell of affection he felt when he looked at Remy. Seeing him like this, Emile understood why he fell in love with Remy in the first place. The light in his eyes, the confidence in his posture, he could fill an entire room with his presence, and Emile would hang on his every word.

“We should go,” Remy said, voice filled with regret. “But tomorrow? Tomorrow I’m going to go over every inch of this place and make sure that I can lift it off the ground. We might not be open until April or May, just getting everything I need and all the workers, but...it can be done. I’ll have to save a lot in order to pay the workers, and I’ll have to advertise an obscene amount, but I’ll get this place off the ground. I’ll make you proud, Emile, I promise you that.”

“Remy, believe me when I say that you already do that every day,” Emile assured him.

[shaekingshitup]

Shae’s First Date

For anyone who is bored: the most brief (that I can recap because ya girl is a lengthy heaux) summary of my first date goes as follows:

EDIT: THIS SHIT AIN'T BRIEF. SORRY NOT SORRY 🤷🏿‍♀️🤷🏿‍♀️ But I put a TLDR at the end.

I matched with a guy on Bumble who had some cool hobbies and some of which overlapped with mine. We talked daily for almost 2 weeks before we met up in person and the guy was a very big charmer/woo-er. Like if I was messaging this kid I was constantly laughing and smiling

Tbh this was a lil bit of a red flag to me becauae I'm like: "no one is this charming. Something has gotta be up" & I legit came up with a few different scenarios. But I chose to shelf them because people do that to me all the time.

Like I'm just a really loving person and I will gas people up or go out of my way to make them happy if I can and people always want to try me like that can't truly be how/who I am or if I'm doing it it's because I'm trying to get at that person and they are always wrong. All the way from best friends to new acquaintances I really just like when people are happy. I mean the world's shitty already, if I can make your day easier or put smile on your face I'm game!

So we're on the phone one night (stayed up to 3 am sacrificing my sleep talking to this dude 🙄) talking more about who we are as people, what we're looking for in an ideal partner, etc. I told him straight up both via call and via message that honesty is really important to me. I value honesty with myself and also with others.

So also in this late night call things got a lil spicy 🌶 🌶 I was honest and told him that I'm pretty much a blank slate. Never fucked/sucked, etc or had anything like that done to me. He was taken aback like everyone I share this with is. Apparently I'm some sort of unicorn 🦄 out here in these streets to all y'all hoes. He makes a comment about stealing a kiss from me the next night and I said "I might allow it."

But the point is. I told him what it was. I was honest. That's my truth.

I didn't tell him that I'd never been on a date/kissed anyone because he didn't ask. Maybe if I would've said something, things would've been different. But I can't "what if" what's already happened y'all!

SO, day of. We messagin and snapping. I'm allll ready. We're going to a drive in and I'd never been to one before so I'm excited. I'm also just committed to making this a good time because I easily get distracted and often don't stop to take my experiences in to experience them fully. So I said not today!!

I got snacks. All of his favs and some of mine. I brought drinks and a blanket. I looked good.

Like I said in my pre-date post: I didn't have any lofty ideas about this dude being my soul mate or anything but I anticipated a good time.

He picked me up at our designated location. My sister met him and got his license plate; because apparently I had enough sense to realize I didn't know this nigga but not enough sense to later realize I didn't know this nigga.

It wasn't gonna take as long to get to the drive in as originally anticipated. So we went to a local park and sat in the car and talked because the park was PACKED and ya know RONA!

It was somewhat awkward because it was our first time talking face to face. But we found a groove and I'm extroverted af y'all. So, I can get people to have a conversation.

Topics range from our days, music and conspiracy theories which he's really into. What kind? Like: Shakespeare wrote the Bible is one. A lot of people that we know from media aren't really the original ones that we were introduced to is another. Ya know like that Beyoncé is not the real Beyoncé. There's two Trumps. There's two Hilary Clintons etc.

So at this point sensible me is like: this can be the point where you go home girl. You're 5 minutes away from your place. You can just say this ain't workin and cut it short.

OPTIMISTIC/BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT GIVIN/NAIVE SILLY ME IS LIKE: well, I 100% don't agree with anything you're saying just because you're saying it. But ya know, I don't know everything and I'm not in the business of judging people-especially since we just met and I don't want this human to feel uncomfortable. So, okay. I don't agree. But I won't judge. Let's just continue on.

If you haven't guessed by now which me I listened to, you may be just as silly as I am 🙃🙃🙃

But obviously I continued on and that's what I call mistake #1

So we're driving to the drive in. I'm realizing we're kind of different in ways. Most notable is that dude was raised Jehovah's Witnesses and celebrates 0 holidays & I'm in love with Halloween and at least birthdays.

We miss the drive in entrance due to my poor navi skills & he decides to smoke before we pull in. He offers it to me and I accept. This is mistake #2

Ya girl hasn't smoked in 6 years. I tried edibles recently. But that shit ain't the same. I really just feel like I said I wanted to be present and then I smoked and I was tired and everything was kind of dull?

So I'm high and sleepy but still a lil excited because it's my first drive in!! We get there and park and the drive in is really just a giant protection screen we all park in front of. Lmao. 😅 Idk what I was expectin but not that. But it was still cool. It's 10 and this movie still hasn't started because the last one is still showin credits.

Dude says he wants to chill in the back but he's going to the bathroom. I AM SLEEPY. THAT IS WHAT WEED DOES TO ME. Plus I was on the phone til 3 AM. So I'm like imma close my eyes before this thing starts since it's already late.

So while he goes to the bathroom I legit laid down in the back on a pillow because ya girl is a sleepy heaux 😴

He comes back and pits the pillow in his lap and is talking to me because this movie ain't started yet. My eyes are closed but I'm listening and everything and he's massaging my shoulders and whatnot. Eventually advertisements about common courtesy come on and what not. But that's not important and I don't move.

Soo he says something I'M ASSUMING IT WAS ABOUT THE KISS (I don't remember y'all. I'm about to skimp on some of these details because that high was really kickin in and I was feelin foggy.) But, I said "I would allow it." And he kissed me.

It honestly felt anticlimactic as fuck. Yeah my mind is kind of foggy because of the weed so I feel like I wasn't as fully cognizant as I would have been if I was sober minded. But also, it just happened

I'm in my head af. I've never done this and I'm sure I'm shit at it but I'm trying not to be ya know? Dude's tongue is in my mouth. His hand is under my romper.

So, I'm a roll with the punches kind of human and the rest of the film we pretty much are making out (lowkey meh), groping (I hate this word) & watching Deadpool ( for people who needed that detail)

As previously stated, all of this shit is new to me. But, I'm also not a "prude". I chose not to kiss/fuck anyone prior to this because it was what I wanted for a period of time. I couldn't do much in the date department because I was just not approached often or by people I wanted to entertain. But the opportunities for all that physical shit were presented and I chose not to just like I chose to engage in those activities on this date. I'm real big on not judging nor regretting those choices because those were what I wanted at one point and that's it. Soo if you got opinions about what I was out here doin, keep em to yaself.

We ended up making out and I feel like it was cool.. but just not great. We did other shit minus actual fucking. But it all just felt pretty muted to me. Not bad. Not uncomfortable. Just not great and I think in hindsight it was because I a) really didn't know and have an established connection with this dude and b) I was high.

He really wanted me to suck his dick and I was really hesitant to do that. Not even that much because I was checking off a lot of "firsts' or anything like that but because I swore I was gonna be shit at it due to 0 experience and that was what I told him. Like, I wanna be good at shit and also I would like if the person I was hooking up with was actually enjoying being with me ya know? Is that not a thing? Y'all just be out here tryna get ya nut and say fuck it to whomever you with? Lemme be a unicorn then. 🦄

But anyways, I did this and he says like nothing. I'm in my head af trying to recall upon all of my BP smut I've read and trying not to suck at sucking (SO THANKS TO ALL OF Y'ALL WHO BE WRITING SMUT!!). After a few minutes the car turns off and Ryan Reynold's ain't talking anymore. Sooo I take this as a sign that I should stop and tell him as much.

He turns the car back on so we can still hear the movie & I'm pretty much like half watching the movie and talking to him like: "Soooo. I did that and I feel like I was right." To which he responds, "I've had worse," which is like ya know the compliment of the century and the most reassuring feedback you can give someone who is insecure about shit they've never done.

We still ended up making out and I gave him a handjob and finished the movie. I can't recall if it was at this point or when he drove me home but he basically implied that I was a liar and that is the shit that literally makes me wanna go back in time and tell former me to never say yes to a date with this nigga.

He drove me home and I was pretty quiet listening to Ari Lennox (💕) and thinking/processing. He gets to my place and we're talking now that we're parked and tells me that he thought I probably wasn't right about never having sex before. He told me I probably just had sex like 3 years ago and it had been so long that's why I said that and that's why my pussy is so tight.

So, I'm real life hurt. I like to consider myself to be someone who has a good character and I am really big on honesty.

So I asked him why he said that if I told him from jump what it was. He told me that his ex lied a lot and that he just couldn't believe me..

And I know for certain that his assumption was independent of any of my actions. He literally just told me so. He projected his insecurities onto me. But I'm a sensitive ass heaux and that shit still shook me. PBS raised me right. I don't be out here lyin & I don't like when people try to tell me who tf I am.

We pretty much just ended up arguing about the night and he was doing it on purpose because he thinks it's sexy when women are mad. But when I get mad, I get done. If I let enough shit slide and you have the audacity to try and flip my script, I will fucking write you out of it.

Then I looked up at the time and realized I was sitting in this car arguing with nigga for at least 25 minutes. So I was just like: bitch, why are you still here?

I told him straight up that when I got out of that car he could forget about talking to me altogether and he was like: "I'll let you know when I make it home."

I told him he need not bother because apparently I'd finally gained some damn sense. I exited the car. He left. He hit me up when he made it home but I just deleted the app and removed him off of snap because I meant that shit.

TLDR; Went on my first date with a conspiracy theorist I matched with on Bumble and he told me I lied about my lack of sexual history.

[littlepurinsesu]

V Watches MagiReco - Episode 9 Review

*Spoilers for Magia Record Anime Episode 9*

I... have mixed feelings about this episode O___O While some parts were definitely well-done (like, REALLY well-done), there were some others that left me a bit underwhelmed and wanting something more?

Don’t get me wrong, by no means was it not a good episode, because it was. But I’m gonna try my hardest to pinpoint why I felt that while some parts were amazing, others really could have been done better.

The phone conversation with Iroha and AI had some top-notch imagery going on in the background. As expected of a PMMM spin-off, every single frame probably has some deep and profound symbolism if you really wanted to pause and analyse each one. There’s never a dull moment on screen; even when all that’s happening is a phone conversation, they know how to hold your attention by giving your eyes a feast with that amazingly trippy and surreal kind of art style that PMMM is known for.

I, too, was a bit disappointed that Madoka and Homura didn’t show up, and by the looks of it, they probably won’t be making their appearance during Sana’s arc at all, which makes yet another major deviation the anime has made. But it’s not that huge of a deal to me because I know they’ll appear at some other point and I’m sure they had their reasons for making this change (hopefully for something better!). I’m happy to let the new characters take the spotlight; I actually think it’s a better choice than constantly relying on the Holy Quintet to build hype and satisfy the fans, which could actually draw attention and focus away from the main plot sometimes. This is how I personally feel, at least ^^;;

That being said, although I didn’t mind Madoka and Homura not being there, I did have some issues with Iroha’s entrance into the Rumour. It just happened... way too quickly and suddenly? I expected a bit more dialogue between the characters, especially since Yachiyo’s expression and comment about jumping off the tower not killing magical girls should have been a big indicator that she knows something (wink wink). I think that might have been a good chance to foreshadow the reveal that comes with Chapter 6, and maybe add a bit more mystery to Yachiyo’s unrevealed past. But the biggest problem I had with this scene was the way Iroha jumped lol. She just... jumped. Like it was no big deal. And it was even weirder because she technically “fell” while reaching out to catch Lil’ Kyubey, but there was hardly any reaction xD She also happened to be in the middle of a sentence while talking to Yachiyo LOL clearly that “jump” wasn’t a planned or prepared one xD I just really felt like the dialogue wasn’t finished or something was cut somewhere in there? They were talking and suddenly down she goes. I know I probably sound extremely nitpicky and this is just a minor detail that doesn’t really make much difference to the story (none at all, in fact), but I just found her apathy somewhat unrealistic and strange, which broke the immersion for me during what should have been a very crucial and heart-pounding moment. Unless Iroha’s just super brave and isn’t afraid of heights at all? Maybe? xD

Anyway, back to the positive stuff! Sana’s backstory was depicted really well. Again, absolutely amazing visuals (I especially liked the use of shoes and dinosaurs). And Sana’s bond with AI was portrayed even better than in the game, in my opinion. It was the most heartwarming and bittersweet relationship, and it’s amazing to see how AI slowly changes in Sana’s company. By the way, their chess game with little puppies and kittens was adorable omg x) I’d love to write more on Sana and AI, but I don’t really have anything specific to say except that I just really, really loved how their relationship was portrayed. Definitely the best part about this week’s episode.

And now comes my biggest complaint: Alina’s debut. As one of the most popular and interesting MagiReco characters, I’m sure the entire fandom was looking forward to how the anime would go about introducing her. I don’t know if I just set my expectations too high or anything, but her entrance was extremely underwhelming for me. And a lot of the reasons were exactly the same as my dissatisfaction with Iroha’s jump: too rushed and too many missed opportunities. She just kind of appeared out of nowhere, and while I do appreciate the “shock value”, what annoyed me was the lack of of a proper “introduction” she got. AI stated her name, and Iroha questioned if she was a member of the Wings of Magius, but we didn’t get any answers. There was no explanation on who she was or what she was doing there, how she got in and what her relationship with AI was. Game players would know, of course, but I’m concerned that anime-only viewers will have no idea what’s going on and probably also have no idea that they just met one of the most important and popular characters of the franchise right now. Essentially, they’re just gonna be seeing a very flamboyant and crazy girl enter and wreck havoc but with no explanation about why she was doing what she was doing or what her connection was with the current situation and the bigger picture of the plot thus far. She just comes in and steals the spotlight, and while game players know that she definitely deserves the spotlight given who she is, anime-only viewers are probably going to be left wondering why this random green girl just came in, who the heck she is, and why everything is about her all of a sudden.

Another crucial piece of information that got lost in that very rushed and chaotic introduction was the fact that Alina actually used the word “Doppel”, which is the first time the term has been dropped in the anime. But again, no one even responded or reacted in any way (at least do the cliche thing where the protagonist repeats “Doppel?” or something LOL), but no she just keeps rambling on and yet another crucial piece of information is lost in the shuffle. What makes it possibly even more confusing is that her Doppel really doesn’t look like the Doppels we’ve seen so far; it could pass as her shooting random bits of paint-like oozy stuff instead, so I’m really struggling to see how anime-only viewers are going to make that connection and put the pieces together.

And if her entrance was underwhelming, then her “exit” was probably even worse lol. She just... disappears xD It’s quite anticlimactic considering how it looked like we were gearing up for Sana vs. Alina, and then she just suddenly gets kicked out lmao. I get that she’ll be back really soon, but it still felt way too abrupt? I think my main gripe about everything to do with Alina’s debut can be summed up in two words: too rushed. There’s so much about her character that’s interesting and vital to the story, but everything either gets glossed over really quickly or just dropped here and there with no response from the other characters. Even if they didn’t want to get into details right away, which is also fine, they could still have slowed down and built up some mystery and tension so that we’ll want to find out more about her because we’re interested and curious, and not because we have no idea what’s going on. Her appearance should have brought some answers to the questions raised throughout the story thus far, but instead she just brought more confusion and chaos lol.

But her entrance wasn’t all negative! They absolutely nailed her mannerisms. Basically everything that makes her so infamously crazy was delivered flawlessly. Her expressions, her movements, her voice, her speech, her word choice... she definitely entered with a BANG and she’s no doubt going to leave a deep impression on viewers, whether they understand her deal or not lol. The voice-acting was also top-notch, as expected of her seiyuu. Alina’s one of those characters where you really need to hear her speaking and see her moving to experience the full extent of her "charm”, and I’d say the anime definitely delivered in that respect and portrayed her uniqueness in a strong and memorable way, so props to them for that :D

^ I really wanted to use this image for this week’s review, but it’s technically Sana’s episode so I stuck with Sana xD Oh, and another thing I definitely loved about her entrance was hearing her saying so many of her lines from the game battles ^^

... Wow I just rambled and ranted for four whole paragraphs about Alina’s introduction, sheesus... Onto some other stuff now, shall we? ^^;;

One of the most interesting things to me about AI was how her appearance changes to become more and more like Sana. This is another example where the anime is able to illustrate things that the game isn’t capable of, and while I’m not sure if it’s a change or I simply missed it in the game because of the static AI sprite, I definitely liked this little detail. It not only shows how AI slowly becomes more and more human, but also highlights the fact that her form resembling Sana implies the influence that Sana has had on her. Sana is all AI has really ever known about humans and the “real” world, and all the human feelings and emotions she gains are because of Sana. It makes perfect sense that when she takes on a more human-like appearance, it’s going to resemble Sana in some respect. The little detail with the crown near the end was also really sweet ;___;

I really do think “mixed feelings” is the best way to describe my overall impression of this week’s episode xD Sana’s backstory and her relationship with AI had me in tears, but Iroha’s jump and Alina’s debut definitely had me raising my eyebrows a few times. I can overlook the Iroha part as just me being nitpicky over a trivial detail, but I really do hope that they step up their game with Alina next week. They definitely did her justice on a surface level, but in terms of her significance and relevance to the plot, not so much. She’s such an important character and her appearance marks a major plot point, so I hope we get the explanations and clarifications needed soon.

I have even higher expectations for next week, since not only is the showdown with Alina something I’ve been looking forward to for a while, but I’m also hoping that they “rectify” some of the issues this week lol. Fingers crossed that Alina gets some better writing, and they continue doing the amazing job they’ve done so far with Sana’s story! ^^

Sorry I’m so much more “negative” this week compared to how I usually am with my reviews, but I was looking forward to Alina’s appearance so much and was really sad to feel any ounce of disappointment :( Hopefully next week’s review will be back to just me fangirling throughout hehe~

[bemused-writer]

VNC Chapter 42 Review

Well, this review is long in the making. Nearly time for the next chapter! I almost considered waiting and then combining the two reviews, but, well, that seemed like it might get a little long. Since we're going to get the next chapter tomorrow, I'm going to keep guesswork to the minimum if it's likely to be answered in the very next chapter and instead focus on what this chapter gave us, which is already plenty. There was a lot therein that will probably only make sense in future chapters, but here we go! The first thing I have to wonder is: Can Noé reattach his hand or can't he? Both he and Dante don't seem to have any clue, but mostly that seems to indicate neither has been trained in first aid, so...

Personally, I think it would be a little anticlimactic if Noé just gets his hand back without any repercussions, but I suppose we'll find out soon. The cold might have preserved it well enough that it can be done, I suppose? Outside of that ongoing question, there was an interesting thing Dante pointed out: astérisque flowers appear when the world formula has been altered.

I looked this flower up, and I'm having no luck finding anything, so I can't really go into any depth regarding possible symbolism. To me it looks like a peony, but Google translate informs me that is not how you say peony in French, so I'm unsure. If anyone has any ideas on that, I would definitely welcome the insight! Flowers appearing after the world has been altered is certainly poetic, however. It suggests, to me, ideas of rebirth, cleansing, etc.

We also got insight into Astolfo's backstory, and it's as tragic and sorrowful as we all feared it would be. This boy wants to rectify a wrong done to his family, I completely get that, but he's targeting the innocent and that changes things. If he were only going after the vampires that killed his parents and assaulted his sister, I'm pretty sure we'd all be rooting for him. As it is, he's killing vampires indiscriminately, lumping them all together, and that makes his revenge more of a hate crime. Seeing him and Roland together is ... difficult. Roland was the one who saved him, saw him at his absolute lowest. Astolfo owes him in ways he can't repay and I think all of this explains their potentially very messed-up relationship. Roland is a constant reminder of his sister's death, of his own weakness. However, Roland is the one in charge of him, the only one he willingly obeys, and the one he professes to despise. Why is that? No doubt it's because Roland puts on a carefree facade, makes light of everything, and still manages to be one of the most powerful paladins, and he's the very individual Astolfo owes the most. I don't think any of that mixes well for him. As for Roland, he seems... severe, around Astolfo.

I wouldn't say he seems cruel, exactly, but so far his lighthearted nature disappears completely when Astolfo is around. Perhaps this is another issue Astolfo has with Roland: he's happy and kind to everyone but him. No one comments on their exchange, but Noé has a sad, understanding look on his face. He's becoming more aware of how cruel the world can be. Astolfo didn't stand a chance.

Jean-Jacques and Chloé were given a happy ending, and I'm definitely okay with being wrong with all my gloomy predictions from before. :D Watching them bicker really made me feel like they were Jeanne's parents. We also see that Chloé has been fed up with life for a long time. She longed for a peaceful death back when she was watching over Jeanne in a beautiful location free of her usual troubles. Thankfully, she's now in a much better place, and she and Jean-Jacques can begin to rebuild now.

Of course, none of this would have been possible without our resident vampire doctor, Vanitas, who is having some troubles of his own.

Vanitas is in danger of being rewritten. What does this mean exactly? My first guess is that he could become a vampire. It would be somewhat fitting, I suppose. He would hate that and we all thought he was going to be the vampire in this series to begin with. Having said that, I'm not sure I really like that interpretation. It's also possible he's being consumed by the mark, which is a lot vaguer. I see two possibilities at the moment: he will be consumed until he ceases to exist or he will become something, or someone, else. Either way, the mark is certainly wider by quite a bit. The growth is quite alarming; he's had to use its power directly only once so far and it's already grown that much? His entire arm will be covered if he keeps it up, which we know he probably will. It's interesting that while Noé loses his left hand, Vanitas has trouble with his right. Once again, they're almost perfect parallels of one another. That's one theme of the series that's been remarkably consistent, and I suspect will only continue. The left hand was traditionally associated with evil or bad luck, while the right was considered right and proper. We could easily see this as symbolism for their relationship with one another: Vanitas is causing Noé trouble/bringing him further down a dark road while Noé is improving Vanitas's outlook and lightening his burden. This is a very simplistic way of looking at it, of course, and the truth is that their relationship is a lot more complicated than that with a much more even give-and-take, but on a surface level that is one way of looking at things. Regardless, Vanitas isn't given much time to sulk as Jeanne finds him and thanks him profusely for his help. It figures Vanitas would be confused by this; someone thanking him for a good deed? He has no idea how to handle this.

Things immediately take a different turn, though. I think the realization that she owed all of this to Vanitas sort of increased her affection for him, which in turn triggered her desire for blood, which in turn gave us this scene that I can only assume will go down in this fanbase's history:

So, it looks like Jeanne's venom is producing a pleasurable effect here, but this is actually somewhat noteworthy because that is not how things were in their previous encounters. Behold:

I know there's some room for interpretation here, but to me it looks like Vanitas is in a lot of pain, especially in that first example. But in our most recent chapter, he isn't. Why? Personally, I think it's because they're more compatible now, which leads to some interesting possibilities with a vampire's venom. Perhaps, just as in real life, two people can not be "compatible" at first, but through shared life experiences they can become so. Jeanne and Vanitas definitely weren't compatible when they first met, but this arc has transformed their relationship into something more equitable. Having said that, they still have a long way to go. Neither of them seems especially good at asking for permission so far. Vanitas kissed her without permission in the first volume, Jeanne drank his blood without permission in chapter 42. It's not quite the same since they've both come a long way in their relationship, but still. There's no doubt that Jeanne's feelings for Vanitas are softening, though.

Vanitas has given her something she desperately wanted: he saved Chloé, he kept his promise. That's a big deal. And I think, for the first time, Vanitas saw who Jeanne really is:

He thought she was a pushover he could manipulate into anything and that she would never love him. Decent chance he was wrong about literally every single one of those things. :D Jeanne's quiet, obedient demeanor seems more like a learned habit, a way of surviving in a world that wants nothing to do with her. In actuality, she's very forthright, a bit of a tomboy judging by her childhood behavior, and eccentric. She's the exact opposite of Dominique, who learned that, in order to survive, she needed to be more boisterous and bizarre as opposed to the quiet, feminine girl she once was. Anyway, this leads to Vanitas flashing back to VotBM commenting on how she hoped someone would embrace him the way she did. I'm not going to lie, I think it's kind of weird a romantic scene led to a family-style platonic scene (at least I'm assuming...), but maybe Vanitas is so starved for affection he can't tell the difference. I would almost believe it.

It's interesting to note that VotBM says "Just as the two of you are here for me..." There were two people in her life that prevented her from feeling lonely. Likewise, Vanitas has two people in his life that are preventing him from feeling lonely: Jeanne and Noé. Of course, the person that allowed for him to be this close to Jeanne is Noé, it's why he was so made at Noé a couple chapters ago. He promised Jeanne something because he's been influenced by Noé's own do-gooder personality. We symbolically see that all of this is because of Noé walking into his life in the last panel.

It will be interesting to see how things continue! Needless to say, I'm very impatient for the next chapter. 8D Till then, you guys!

[starlightinhumanform]

The Art of Love: Chapter 9

Fandom: She Ra (2018)

Ship: Glimadora 

Summary: The morning after a very chaotic and impactful night, Glimmer and Adora have to face each other for the first time in daylight. 

Warnings (for this chapter): Mild language, (please tell me if anything needs to be added)

Genre: High School AU, Angst with a Happy Ending, Rivals/Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Fluff

A/N: Not a lot to say about this chapter except that I hope you enjoy! Reblogs and feedback are always appreciated and encouraged! Love you all 🖤✨

Ao3    The Art of Love Masterpost    Fic Masterpost    Fic Request Info

Glimmer woke up to the chimes of her phone screaming somewhere and she really didn’t care where it was because she didn’t have any intention of moving to turn it off. It was six AM, soft sunlight was struggling to reach the bottom of Glimmer’s window, and everything around Glimmer was soft. And warm. And now it was moving and Glimmer cracked one eye open, glancing down at the pale arms wrapped around her waist. Oh, right.

Adora made a muffled sound and tried to bury her face away from the alarm, simply digging her nose into Glimmer’s shoulder blade instead.

The reality of the situation hit Glimmer like a two ton truck speeding down a highway and straight into her gut. The domesticity of it all, the way the warmth drifted from Adora’s closely pressed chest on Glimmer’s back, the way the sunlight glanced off Adora’s hands- gold on gold. It made her choke awake; literally, eyes snapping open as she shuddered out a cough that Adora could probably feel through her dreams.

She cleared her throat and shifted to lie on her back, wondering if it would make Adora let go; if anything, Adora’s arms only began squeezing tighter. In this position, it would’ve been natural for Glimmer to stare up at the ceiling but she felt her eyes keep drifting towards Adora. Her face was once more uncreased, relaxed in her own personal pool of early morning light. A sheer veil of blond hair flitted across the bridge of her nose, moving slightly as she breathed. Adora’s arms felt secure as their steady pressure wove its way around Glimmer’s stomach. It felt safe, a lifeline tied around her waist and grounding her to how real everything was. She really couldn’t believe any of the past 12 hours, but the weight across her side and the hands clasped loosely right where she could hesitantly place her own over them- lightly, of course, just in case she needed to remove it any given moment- well, it at least gave her a sensation to cling onto. Something undeniable.

The alarm had given up while waiting for Glimmer’s pining ass to get its shit together but started screaming again to remind her that she actually had things to do. This time, Adora began to stir and Glimmer hurriedly moved her hand from Adoras’ and turned the chimes off for good.

Adora sat up, bleary eyes staring straight ahead. The sudden movement of Adora jerking away jarred Glimmer into a deceptive appearance of alertness. She blinked up at Adora who to continued to where a dazed expression for a few seconds until she seemed to suddenly flicker to life.

“Time to go then?” The coldness of Adora’s tone was early as alien as the scowl stretching across her face.

“Um, yeah I guess so,” Glimmer ran her hands through hair and knew it wasn’t looking the best, managing to be flattened and frizzy at the same time. Sometimes Glimmer reminded herself of a bright pink lollipop that had been left out on the counter. As her hands made their way through the somewhat greasy waves, she let the pads of her fingertips press through to her scalp and held the strands between her knuckles for a second longer than she should have. She hoped the sharp tugging sensation and dull rub of her fingers would help wake her brain up enough to avoid making a complete idiot of herself in front of Adora.

That option flew out the window when Adora turned to look at her, scowl dropping and melting into a soft smile, “Morning.”

“Morning?” The molten quality Adora’s expression would have been startling enough if she hadn’t been wearing its opposite only a second before.

“Sorry about that- I tend to wake up kinda fuzzy and, er, weird,” Adora seemed to read Glimmer’s mind- either that or her expression was just that obvious. Adora was waving her hands around her head to illustrate her point and grinning like an idiot.

“Apparently you also wake up five times more stupid than you usually are,” Glimmer grinned before realizing it could come across as flirting and- nope, nope, nope, we are not doing that. Glimmer flopped backwards onto the highly inviting pillows behind her. Adora smiled at her and Glimmer was sure something inside of her was overheating- maybe some sort of little laptop fan whirring away inside of her just a little too quickly.

Adora feigned over exaggerated offensive, slamming her hand against her chest and letting her mouth drop open, “You say that as if I’m not always stupid??” 

“Oh no, you are. Just especially in the morning and at around two AM.” 

“So…” Adora glanced away with another sudden, jerky movement, “I should probably get going soon if you want me to avoid your mom.”

“Um, yeah right- right, of course,” Glimmer was still internally sleeping. She sat up again but her head was full of cotton.

Adora pulled her phone out of her pocket and Glimmer realized she hadn’t seen Adora use it the entire time. A picture flashed up on the screen as Adora pressed her thumb down to unlock it. It was a selfie and Cat- a frozen moment of Cat cackling into the camera, Adora only a little to the right with her eyes squeezed shut as she laughed. It made Glimmer cringe inside, knowing she could never have that.

Glimmer flicked her eyes away, pretending she hadn’t been staring at Adora’s screen. Little clicks sounded as Adora tapped her thumbs rapidly across the keyboard. It was obvious she was texting someone and Glimmer didn’t want to seem like a creep just watching her.

She pulled out her own phone and stared at the bright images without actually taking in what any of them were. Because how could she? How could she be thinking about anything at all right now as Adora- the girl she had hated for months- sat right next to her like they were nine year olds who had just woken up at a sleepover. And the worst part was, she didn’t hate her anymore- in fact, she kind of liked her. She was funny and smart and kind and pretty... maybe Glimmer had been hypnotized by her, tricked into liking her just as the rest of her school had been, but she welcomed the mesmerization. Glimmer knew, deep down, that she had no chance with Adora even as friends but... Glimmer’s heart was sold even as it broke.

Adora turned and Glimmer’s head flicked up in her direction probably too quickly. She told herself to stop acting like a weirdo and to just behave like normal except this wasn’t normal and she had no idea what was going on. She was torn- but then again, when wasn’t she? If this was going to be her last interaction with Adora this way- this relaxed and beautiful and real and perfect way- she wanted to be able to remember the conversation without cringing. But of course, there was a desperate monstrosity that dragged itself from a place Glimmer had never acknowledged before; because she didn’t want to let this feeling go, didn’t want to let Adora go. The person Adora simply was made Glimmer different; made her a happier version of herself. Adora made Glimmer feel more comfortable in herself- something that very few people had ever accomplished. But it was more than just that; the version of Adora that was sitting next to her was flawed and genuine and so different from what Glimmer saw at school. She had been right- Adora did wear a mask at school but the kindness was real, it was the chips and dents that were hidden. They were chips and dents that Glimmer was beginning to grow highly fond of. She liked to think that this was Her Adora, that Adora only crawled out of her glossy, perfect shell when she was around Glimmer. She knew it was ridiculous and completely unrealistic, but she held on to the notion with a clenched fist.

She breathed in Adora only inches away and it felt like she was breathing in a Van Gogh painting. Adora smelled like sweet grass, swirling stars, warm cream, soft earth. She also smelled like a greasy teenager but Glimmer wasn’t going to admit that while she tried to capture her perfect moment. Her eyes soaked Adora in as she sat there in all her soft, warm, paint covered magnificence. Adora’s hair was far heavier looking than usual as she reached up and tied it back. Her shirt showed the signs of a worn out and overly used article of clothing. Her skin looked oily and her face was framed by clay and contoured by paint. Glimmer wished she wasn’t obsessed with those stupid features in front of her.

Adora was talking and Glimmer forced herself to concentrate on the words- not the moving lips, “Cat’s gonna pick me up down the street in a few minutes. That’s ok, right?”

Glimmer swallowed thickly because in her head a voice was saying No, please don’t go. Please don’t leave. Please- “Yeah sure. That’s fine- do whatever you want.”

Adora nodded slowly like she was mulling over something. Glimmer’s hands fidgeted in her lap as she waited for the other girl to speak, watching with big eyes.

When she finally spoke it was with an anticlimactic, “Hey, I’m going to use the bathroom before your mom comes in, ok?”

Glimmer let her head tilt up and down numbly, lost in her own her own thoughts. The spell was broken; she could no longer watch in a honey-glazed stupor. That would mean getting hurt when Adora left and if there was one thing her brain was good at, it was telling her not to get hurt- even if the walls she built as a result made her feel ripped apart.

Adora got up silently and picked her way through the wreckage of art supplies sprawled across Glimmer’s floor. Glimmer remembered with a grumbling sigh that she still had to finish wiring the model together.

Once Adora had ghosted out of the room and carefully clicked the door shut behind her,Glimmer clambered out of still highly welcoming sheets of her bed. She stretched, hoping the movement would clear the fog out her mind as well as the stiffness of her body. Of course, it did little to improve her situation and she shuffled over to the tangle of wire, muttering all the way over.

She plopped herself down on the ground and got to work. It was easy- the type of mindless, repetitive movement that let Glimmer space out while she worked and she got finished just as Adora slipped back into the room.

Adora walked over to Glimmer, standing close enough for Glimmer to feel her presence in her space without actually seeing her. It was a sort of pressure, pressing from the outside on Glimmer from Adora’s proximity. Or made the pressure was growing from inside? Either way, it made Glimmer grit her teeth and wish Adora would move.

She could feel Adora’s smile encroaching on the edges of her consciousness before she heard it, “That turned out so great!”

Glimmer acknowledged Adora’s voice with a noncommittal grunt. 

“The best part is definitely your paint job,” Adora gave Glimmer’s side a light nudge with her foot and Glimmer didn’t know why the contact made her clench her fists, “This will definitely help you get your grades up!”

“Since when are my grades any of your business?!” Glimmer snapped, immediately regretting the harshness of her voice.

Adora stepped back slightly, voice small when she spoke, “Oh right, sorry.”

Glimmer hung her head. She didn’t know what the hell was going on inside of there, “No, look- I’m sorry.”

“No it’s ok, you’re right. I’m sorry.”

“Adora- stop!” Glimmer spun around, “Look, I’ve been a bitch to you for long time and I didn’t even have a good reason. Just let me apologize- just once.”

Adora looked down at the ground, gaze shifting across the floor from one side of her feet to the other before finally stopping the movement to look at Glimmer. She gave a timid smile, “Apology accepted then.”

Glimmer nodded as if she were satisfied but the shift in her head was making her uncomfortable. She wondered what Factory Setting switch had been flipped on inside of her, reverting her reactions to Adora to exactly where the had been before... before everything. The feelings of disgust and dislike were so automatic, it made her feel powerless- no control over her most basic thoughts. Glimmer hated it but that just added to quickly rising levels of animosity that writhed in her body.

Adora sat down next to Glimmer, still quiet. She seemed hesitant as she shifted closer to her, then back away again; seemingly afraid to even make eye contact. Glimmer could feel the discomfort edging onto herself and it made her blood boil. She was already feeling weird, she didn’t need Adora adding to that.

“Can I help you?” Glimmer gave a disgruntled sigh, “Is something wrong? Did I do something wrong?”

Why is she acting so strange? Did I do something in my sleep or... say something? If Glimmer was in a cartoon, an over exaggerated sweat drop would have been forming along the edge of her brow.

Adora ran her bottom lip under the edge of her teeth, “I just wanted to say about last night- or, rather, this morning- I know I was acting weird and I’m sorry. I crossed boundaries that I shouldn’t have and I’m sorry and I’m sure I made you uncomfortable.”

Glimmer blinked up from where she had been uselessly fiddling with a some random piece of the model- Does she think I’m mad at her?

“It’s ok- it wasn’t too weird,” Glimmer couldn’t contain the smirk that slid across her face, “You’re kinda funny when you’re loopy.”

Adora blushed pink, “Oh, yeah, um that’s something I do. I probably should have told you that but I didn’t think we would be up so late. I honestly didn’t think I was going to stay the night.”

Glimmer studied the red spreading across Adora’s cheeks, trying to find its cause. Did Adora really think that after all the dumb things Glimmer had done, all the stupid breakdowns she had fallen into in just the past 24 hours- did Adora really think that after all that, Glimmer would really judge her for making some dorky jokes and getting a little clingy? Ok so she had gotten really clingy but it’s not like Glimmer could really complain. Glimmer had never been cooed over and had never been snuggled up against by anyone like the way Adora had simply wrapped and draped herself over Glimmer that early morning. And Glimmer was never going to flirt with her- she was probably never going to flirt with anyone- so she held onto the memory fondly.

She didn’t want Adora to think she disliked the contact and the smirks and the winks; she would’ve loved to encourage it if she could, but that would give her away. She couldn’t seem too eager, couldn’t simply say Oh yes, Adora, I love you hugging me and holding my hands and giving me that smug look that makes my toes curl and heat bubble comfortably my stomach.

So she nodded with the most sagely expression she thought she could muster, “It’s ok, though. I really didn’t mind.”

Shit. Well there goes Glimmer’s plan of Not Acting Like a Desperate Weirdo.

Adora’s brow creased together and Glimmer officiated the fact that she had screwed up. Adora remained silent for at least a minute, rocking her knee back and forth like a pendulum- towards Glimmer, away from Glimmer. Shifting sharply from side to side just like Glimmer’s thoughts- This is horrible, I never should have talked to her swinging all the way to She’s sweet and kind, stop pushing her away. She makes you happy so there’s really nothing to regret, right? Glimmer grimaced into the silence between them, watching Adora from the corner of her eye as they both stubbornly remained lost in thought.

After an eternity of 60 seconds, Adora stood up with a stiffness that didn’t fit her grace and brushed off the front of her shorts without any real purpose in the movement, “Well, I should probably get going now.”

Adora stood standing there for another moment and Glimmer knew from the way she swung her hands back and forth that she was waiting for Glimmer to say something.

Glimmer tapped her finger tips along her thigh, wishing she could reverse time and bring it spinning back to the darkness of four AM where Adora’s laugh ran through her room and through her mind. She wished Adora’s head rested on her lap instead of her sweaty palms that she pressed into her leg. She wished her mind was filled with fuzzy, blissful exhaustion instead of the growing darkness of negativity that was filtering its way through her thoughts.

Glimmer rubbed her eyes and tried to return to the present situation, “Yeah, ok.”

Adora nodded again like she was coming to terms with some grave news; the hateful little voice in Glimmer’s mind slipped past the gates she had spent last night struggling to build and it whispered to her about what an annoyingly strange person Adora was.

Glimmer glared down at the floor as Adora flit her way to the door frame. Again the yearning came rushing in, the wish that she could fight nagging advocate in her head. She set her jaw and spoke with a tone that struck even her as brutally flat, “Hey you- be careful.”

When Glimmer hazarded a glance over at Adora, the girl was smiling at her and it made something Glimmer hadn’t even been aware stop its frantic fluttering around Glimmer’s rib cage and settle finally.

“See you at school?” Adora sounded like she was asking for permission.

Glimmer gave Adora a small smile, “Yeah, see you.”

Adora moved past the door frame but froze suddenly, pausing to turn and look back at Glimmer as her face broke into a beaming grin. She gave a tiny wave before disappearing down the hall in a prancing jog.

Glimmer sighed at the empty space Adora had filled only seconds before. Her room resembled the wreckage of a natural disaster but she couldn’t describe it as anything but empty with Adora missing.

Glimmer looked past her blinds into the gray fog that had moved to fill the sky but as she remembered the last smile Adora had given her, she could swear the sun was still shining.

[solastia]

Faith | 6

Chapters:  [1] [2] [3] [4] [5]

Pairing: Namjoon x Reader

Word Count: 2,600 (short, but good)

Genre & Warnings: Angst, fluff. Smut free chapter. 

Notes: One more official chapter left. Maybe a Namjoon POV if y’all want it. I might be able to be talked into drabbles if you’re nice. 

Silence. 

That’s all you’d heard from Namjoon for the past week. He wasn’t answering the calls or texts you’d sent, although you knew that he’d at least read them. There hadn’t been any sightings of him on the gossip channels either. It was like he’d disappeared, but you knew he was probably at his Mom’s or the hotel. You’d considered trying to stop by the room, but you’d envisioned horrible enough scenarios to talk yourself out of that. You also knew that appearing at his Mom’s when even his family didn’t know about Faith would just make the situation worse. So you backed off. You knew he’d come to talk to you when he was ready. 

Still, the waiting was not easy. 

Even knowing that Namjoon would never do something like snatch Faith away, you still thanked the powers that be for you having a job in a daycare where you were able to keep an eye on her at all times. Even if Namjoon himself wouldn’t do it, there were still plenty of people around him that very well could. 

You were so upset with yourself. All of this could have been avoided if you had been less of a coward and trusted him a little more. At the same time, you were still a little happy he’d gotten to fulfill his dream and live his little rich and famous lifestyle without baggage. At least now, if he forgave you at least, you’d be able to go forward without worrying about him thinking he’d missed out on anything.

You sigh wearily, reminding yourself to buck up and focus on work. Snacktime was not a good time for self-reflection. 

“Come on, Monkey.” You pick up Faith and strap her in booster chair next to you, setting out her apples and cheese. She munches away, happily unaware of the drama happening in her life. God, you hope Namjoon chooses to at least want to see Faith. This little girl would be so blessed to have a father like him. 

Your phone vibrates, and you take the chance to look at it, quirking an eyebrow when you see that it’s from Keisha’s Instagram. She’d followed you last week, no doubt to try and keep tabs on you, and you’d followed her right back to show you weren’t afraid. You don’t know why you bothered to check the update right now other than morbid curiosity. It was probably just yet another selfie that was 75% boob. 

The picture is of her in a familiar looking bed, the sheets drawn up to just barely cover her, but low enough to tell she wasn’t wearing anything under it. She was grinning smugly into the camera. You inhaled sharply when you realized that she wasn’t alone. It was just the back of him, but there was Namjoon. He was shirtless and turned away from her, most likely asleep, but the implications were clear. And by Keisha’s expression and the fact that she posted such a photo publicly, she wanted you to see it. 

Message received. 

The rest of your day went by in somewhat of a blur. You finished work and drove home. Took the dog for a walk around the complex. Fed and bathed Faith. Got her to bed and asleep with minimal fuss. When everything else was done you sprawled across the couch and stared at the television. You couldn’t focus enough to watch anything, but it was better than silence. Snoop jumped up and settled between your legs, staring up at you with a gaze that suspiciously looked like sympathy. Great, even the dog knew you sucked. 

Just as you’re about to give in to your exhaustion and doze off, a knock sounded at your door. The pattern was familiar, and you couldn’t help a quick fond smile over how music was so ingrained into his soul even his knocking was a catchy beat. You release a tense breath before unlocking the door and open it to reveal a very rumpled looking Namjoon. 

“Hey.” 

“Hi. You wanna come in?”

“Sure. Cool.”

You open the door wider to allow him to come inside, cringing inwardly at the awkward beginning. Still, at least he was here. 

Snoop made his presence known, jumping all over Namjoon and knocking him over onto the couch. 

“Hey there, little man. Jesus, you’ve gotten a little chubby, huh? Mom’s been feeding you well?” Namjoon chuckled as Snoop rolled onto his back and demanded belly rubs on his admittedly bigger than usual tummy. Although that could be blamed on Faith, who thought it was hilarious to throw her lunch on the ground for him to eat. 

Namjoon sighed, patting Snoop one last time before turning to you. 

“Is she asleep?” 

“Yeah. I try to have her in bed by eight every night.”

He nods, looking nervously at his hands. 

“That’s good. I’d like to see her, but this makes it easier to...talk.” Namjoon ruffles his hair and sinks into the couch a bit. “I don’t even know where to start.” 

“I can at least start by saying sorry. I know it can’t erase anything, but I truly am sorry. I made a decision that affected you without your knowledge, and that was wrong of me. I shouldn’t have let my fears of what might happen influence me.”

You plop onto the other side of Snoop, grateful for the little buffer to help calm your nerves. Namjoon thinly smiles at you before nodding. 

“Thank you. I’m still hurt, and it’s probably going to be hard for me to trust you like I used to, at least for a while. But, I had a lot of time to think this past week, and I think I understand your reasoning. I don’t think that would have happened with us, though. You were my whole world, and you having my child would have made me the happiest person alive. It would have just motivated me to work harder. I’m probably always going to be a little upset with you for the time I lost with her, I’m not going to lie, but I think we can move past this. I want to try.” 

Your stare at Namjoon in shock, hope trying desperately to fight its way into your heart. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I’m mean I’m as in as I ever was. I want you, all of you. I want to marry you and be a father to my child. Maybe give you a few more.” 

You blush wildly, the image everything you’d ever dreamed. But...

“What about...I thought you’d gotten back with Keisha?”

“Oh, you mean that picture? Naw, she got someone to give her a key to my hotel room and posed while I was asleep. Creepy as hell. Told her that too. And now thanks to Trey, I don’t have to deal with her at all anymore.” 

“How so?” 

“Trey was getting ready to release his debut album. He’s really talented, and I’m really excited for him. Apparently, he offered to give her a verse and let her be in his MV. She dropped me so fast it was hilarious. She got off the phone with him and said, “Sorry, Nam Nams. This could be it for me, you know. It’s been real.” Then she just waltzed off. I mean, I knew she didn’t have any actual feelings for me, so it’s not that much of a surprise. I’m just sorry for Trey because now his debut’s success is reliant on her not fucking up.” 

“So, just like that? She’s gone? Seems...I don’t know. A little anticlimactic,” you frown. The woman you’d met seemed like she’d fight until the end. 

“Babe, this is real life, not the movies. Did you expect her to melt after throwing water on her? Or, what was that one lifetime movie you made me watch? The sister drugged the husband until she was knocked up or something and then she tried to kill the wife?” Namjoon chuckled, looking at you fondly. 

“Yeah, okay. I got it,” you roll your eyes, before taking a deep breath as you felt some of your burdens fall right off your shoulders. That was at least one worry done. It still seemed too good to be true, but maybe Namjoon was right, and you just watched too much damn television. 

“She went where there was the most chance for her to get famous. That’s all I was for her, and I knew that.” Namjoon shrugged. 

The silence that followed was pleasant now, comfortable. Snoop reveled in the attention as the two of you pet him while you collected your thoughts. 

“So what now?” Namjoon finally asked softly. You glance up and meet his eyes, eyes that were surprisingly full of hope and want. God, you did not deserve this man. 

“I think that should be up to you. I’m the one that messed up here, so I will take whatever you can give,” you tell him hesitantly. You wanted to tell him you wanted everything, all of it, your entire soul belonged to him. But you’d lost the right to demand anything. You’d happily do whatever he wanted. 

“We’ll take it slow at first then? Date a little, get to know Faith. I still have a couple weeks here that we can use to figure things out. I’d like to eventually let my family meet Faith. I kinda already blurted out her existence to them the other day. They are excited about her.”

“That sounds reasonable,” you nod. Fuck, his family probably hated you now. It was such a shame because you adored them. 

“So...how much touching is allowed when one is taking it slow?”

You gape at Namjoon, surprised to find him wearing that look. The look that was so filled with dark promise and love. You wanted to weep because you’d thought you’d never see it again. 

“Once again, up to you,” you responded, your voice thick with unshed tears. 

“Cool. Get your ass over here and cuddle me then,” Namjoon smirked and gently pushed Snoop off the couch, hauling you closer so you were draped on top of him. He wrapped his arms around you, practically crushing you to his chest. The both of you released contented sighs as you just relaxed and enjoyed each other, watching the television silently. 

“Are you staying the night?” You finally ask after about a half hour, knowing you needed to ask now as you were dangerously close to falling asleep. 

“If that’s alright. I’d like to meet Faith in the morning.” 

“That sounds good. Cuddle in the bed then? I’m too old to sleep on the couch.” 

“Yeah,” Namjoon says quietly, but with a little soft smile that showed off one of his dimples. 

You jump up and hold your hand out to him, pulling him into the room and the exact bed that you’d once shared. His snores soon brought you the best nights sleep you’d had in that bed since he’d left.

You were finally awakened when the sun was hitting you right in the face. That struck you as odd for a moment, but you couldn’t remember why. 

You kept your eyes closed but slowly sat up, stretching your arms and arching your back. You managed to crack your eyes open a bit and looked around, your mind finally starting to catch up with you. 

The sun in your face was weird because it had been so long since Faith had let you sleep past six. It was always dark when you started your day. Which led to you realizing that Faith was not in her crib and you didn’t hear her. 

Namjoon wasn’t in your bed either. 

You shot up and jogged out of the bedroom in a panic, not really sure what it was you feared yet, only to freeze once the dining room comes into view. 

Faith is in her high chair, giggling and covered in different colored globs of food. Namjoon is sitting in front of her, also covered in food, but making up some rap about the wonders of fruits that she seems to enjoy enough to open her mouth for another bite. 

“Good morning,” you snort as you grab some wipes out of the nearby diaper bag and stalk towards the pair. 

Namjoon is absolutely beaming as he smiles at you, and Faith smacks her lips in demand for a kiss, which you give her after wiping her face a bit. 

“Morning, babe. She woke up a few hours ago, and I wanted to let you sleep in. I think she likes me. Aside from our battle to figure out what baby food she likes. Which, we decided that the peas suck.”

You laugh and eyeball the chucks of hardening green stuff all over his shirt. 

“I can see that. You have to trick her. Give her a toy to distract her then shove a spoonful in there.”

“That’s sneaky but smart.” Namjoon chuckles then waves another spoonful of applesauce towards Faith, who accepts it without a fight.

“She also let me change her diaper. I think I put it on wrong, but so far she doesn’t seem to mind. Wasn’t as gross as I thought it would be.” Namjoon bounced happily as he told you all of his accomplishments. You sneak a peek towards Faith’s seat, and sure enough, the diaper is on backward. 

You snort and bump him with your hip. “You wanna see gross, you should have seen her newborn diapers. I thought I’d killed her when black stuff came out of her. Didn’t read about that happening beforehand,” Namjoon’s look of horror made you giggle, and you walked towards the kitchen to start your coffee. 

That was already made. And also surrounded by four open containers of baby food, obviously rejected.

You shake your head fondly and make yourself a cup before leaning with your back against the counter, watching the two.

You wanted to cry because it was so perfect. Namjoon was so very happy just being able to do something as simple as feed his daughter, so proud of himself. He was so good with her and she seemed to like him just as much. That you’d nearly messed things up so much that you would have never gotten see how cute they were together made you want to sob.  

“She’s probably going to need a bath because we both have peas and weird pasta stuff dripping off of us. I can take care of it if you want? I promise not to break her,” Namjoon asks earnestly, watching you with big eyes as Faith further dirties herself with the unattended spoon of applesauce. 

You laugh and wave him towards the bathroom. 

“Have at it, handsome. I’ll make breakfast. Waffles okay?” 

“Yeah, that sounds great.” 

Namjoon picks up Faith and comes over to kiss your cheek. The vision of two adorable dimpled smiles shining down on you with happiness fills your heart with joy. 

[minatsuki-on-main]

BTB and the free will debate

The post I was planning to make for the longest time.

Most of BTB — especially Koku's plotline — is centered around Fate and whether events are predetermined so it's only natural to ask how it's connected with the question of free will and what the central message ends up being. I noticed a lot of confusion around this issue among people who have watched the show because, without concentrating on the right aspects, what it tries to convey can come off confusing and ambiguous. The first impression one might get is that Koku's subplot was headed in the classical direction of the protagonist changing their own fate through willpower, but this then gets negated by the fact that Koku winning his final fight was predicted so free will didn't prevail despite the positive closure. And, as a sidenote, there's nothing wrong with this interpretation either, as BTB was clearly meant to have a 'half-satisfying' ending on Keith's side as well; after all, Gilbert got exactly what he wanted even if he died and the world went back to its natural order. I wouldn't say this is all there is to the issue, though.

The deciphering of the Jetblack Epitaph was what kicked of practically everything in BTB, in a chain of events that started before the plot. Not only does it act as a bridge between the two plotlines, it also frames the supernatural in a completely different way than humanity did before and how we would. One of the main concepts is the question "What would happen if humans had access to divine knowledge through science?" And the surprising answer BTB gives is: not much. Of course, Keith's mindset is still stuck in an era preceding the adjustment to this knowledge and he has his moments of bewilderment towards it, but otherwise the few who know about the supernatural adapted to it in a pretty anticlimactic way. Their reaction to the existence of literal gods and demigods wasn't a radical change in attitude but an instant attempt to exploit them for profit. Science and magic coexist in an awkward way since the latter has become part of the former, people see it as nothing more than a new discovery despite it having the power to change the world around them drastically. This produces the biggest paradox in Keith's and his father's way of thinking: as a scientist, you have to believe in some form of God, because it was discovered through science. The two of them manage to digest this fact and have the necessary respect for the supernatural only because they're fundamentally open-minded people; in contrast, someone like Gilbert used a divine power as a tool without reverence, which made him unable to fully comprehend what he was dealing with (hence his breakdown in the car). 

Keith quite literally calls the Jetblack Epitaph 'God', it being the source of all the seemingly absurd things he now has to believe in. The option to disregard it is excluded by premise, and since the Jetblack contains a prediction of future events, the dilemma is the exact same as the real world scientific/philosphical debate around free will. We know complete freedom isn't a possibility (this would come from neuroscientific research in reality), so the question is whether it's possible for us to make our decisions while the events are already predetermined. All BTB does is make this debate much more urgent since safety of the whole world is on the line. Compatibilism is the belief that free will is compatible with determinism because the impression of making a decision remains the same for human beings despite knowing there's only one possible outcome; furthermore that the reason behind this is that we'll never know enough to accurately predict everything and this is how we still feel free. The opposing viewpoint is hard determinism, that we don't have the power to influence the future in any way and free will is an illusion.

In BTB's context, Keith represents compatibilism ("Don't fear the future, Koku. The hope and despair, see it for yourself.") and Laica a downright fatalistic determinism (see: everything he says in the last two episodes, basically). Koku is in the position of being conflicted between the two and trying to decide which is true — he already starts out with a mindset of following the Jetblack strictly, which makes sense considering it's what his creation was based on. His personal crisis stems from the fact that he mistakenly thinks the prophecy is going to compromise his own happiness by interpreting it as meaning he and Yuna will die, and — possessing a healthy amount of egoism — he desperately wants to believe in something that gives him a way out of this fate. Even more interesting is Gilbert who brings up a viewpoint that, though not technically a philosophical stance, is largely represented among real people: not caring about the free will issue at all. In fact, his motto about a neverending cycle means something completely different to him than it does to Laica (who Gilbert deliberately lets misinterpret it); it's mostly a jab at Keith and how he's planning to make his life spiral down in despair. Note that it's never clear whether Gilbert thinks there's any truth to the prophecy or not — for him it could be true or false, it's simply irrelevant as long as he can use it for his own benefit. 

So what conclusion does the show reach? Compatibilism does, in fact, turn out to be the correct view in the exact way I mentioned before; the only reason why almost everyone is somewhat convinced Koku is going to lose that fight is that they made a wrong assumption about what the prophecy said (Koku and Yuna 'meeting the same fate' meant that they would both live). They didn't know enough, or rather, they thought they knew more than they actually did, and Laica — the representative of determinism — paid for this presumption with his life. The only person who maintained some hope and still told Koku to fight was Keith, showing that the real source of his intelligence was his ability to consider every option unbiased and be open to even the possibility of not understanding something. He didn't have any certainties about how the Jetblack had to be interpreted but he had faith in it which, paradoxically, was the scientifically rigorous thing to do, and this way of approaching the supernatural made it so he was the only one who wasn't wrong on the matter. The cynical side to this is the additional message that Gilbert's attitude does pay off; maybe not the most optimistic message, but it's realistic, aside from the fact that Gilbert's life was incredibly unhappy and tormented even while reaching his set goal. 

BTB is a case for compatibilism and once one knows the current state of the real life free will debate, it's not half as depressing as it looks.

[edogawatranslations]

999: Alterna (1) - Part 3, Chapters 8-9

Table of Contents | Previous: Part 3, Chapters 6-7

Chapter 8

I doubted my ears.

“No way.” Despair assaulted me from within. The theory I had so confidently crafted crumbled beneath me.

“But Junpei, your reasoning isn’t wrong,” Lotus added.

Unable to understand what she meant, I tilted my head. “...What do you mean?”

“My daughter was a Stage 3 patient of the disease.” Lotus stared emptily into space. She had a somber expression on her face. “She caught it nine years ago, just like June and that incompetent imp over there. ...If she’s alive, she would be about your age.”

“...Did she die?”

Lotus nodded, her gaze still empty. “Probably...”

“Probably?”

“She vanished. Right after she recovered from the disease.”

“Huh?”

What did this mean? I thought that her daughter had died from Angel Fever, but I realized now that that wasn’t the case.

“Do you remember the string of child disappearances in the city nine years ago?”

After Lotus mentioned it, the memories of the case popped into my head. “Sixteen boys and girls suddenly went missing one night, right?”

All of them unexpectedly returned two days later, so the case didn’t make a large splash in the media. But since the kids who disappeared were around my age, it left quite an impression on me.

I continued, “When questioned, every single one of them claimed that they were captured by aliens or something.”

Because all of the kids came back unharmed, the police investigation ended without reaching a proper conclusion. It’s likely that the truth is still shrouded in darkness to this day.

“All of them were unharmed? No, that’s a blatant lie.” Lotus pursed her lips, and a look of anguish spread across her face. “My daughter disappeared that same day. But she never returned home.”

Lotus choked up before she could finish her last sentence.

“Did you speak with the police?”

“Of course! But they wouldn’t listen to me at all. I suspect it was because I worked in the nighttime entertainment business, and was a divorced single mother living with her only daughter. They kept telling me without mincing words, ‘Aren’t you the reason she disappeared?’”

Her eyes overflowed with tears, which soon began streaming down her face.

“She wouldn’t disappear of her own volition. She was a good girl. There’s no way she would run away and abandon me. I decided I couldn’t rely on the police, so I hired a detective to thoroughly investigate the whereabouts of my daughter, and to look into the other 16 kids who had disappeared the same day. I thought there would definitely be some kind of connection.”

“Did you figure anything out?”

“The other kids had all been patients at the same hospital at some point. My daughter wasn’t any different. She was hospitalized there when she caught Angel Fever.”

“What?!”

“After looking into it even further, I discovered all of the kids had Angel Fever. Not just that, but they all reached Stage 3.”

I couldn’t help but feel astonished. “None of that was reported in the news. Did nobody realize?”

“It didn’t take much effort to find out. I don’t think the media was ignorant of the fact. I think there was a gag order in effect. There must have been some powerful forces at play. I wonder if that’s also why the police investigation was cut short.” Lotus continued her confession, letting out the sediment that had collected in her heart over all these years. “After she disappeared... I lost my will to live.”

After saying those words, Lotus started rubbing her right wrist. I hadn’t noticed before due to her many accessories, but she had an array of scars left behind from cutting her wrist.

“...I just wanted to feel at peace. But every time, I failed. When I would get carried to the hospital, the doctor would always say ‘You again?’ with a sigh. I’m clumsy with everything, so I wouldn’t end up dying no matter how many times I tried... Then I met a girl at the hospital. She looked like my daughter... She was quite a strange girl.”

Lotus said that she couldn’t fall asleep, so she snuck out of her hospital room and went to go take a walk in the garden. That was when she saw the girl. The girl was around high school age, and she was crouching under a large ginkgo tree, weeping.

“What’s wrong?” Lotus walked up next to the girl and asked.

The girl looked away and repeatedly said, “I don’t want to die. I don’t want to disappear from this world.”

“Since the hospital housed many patients with terminal cancer, I thought she was one of them. She was the complete opposite of me. I only thought about how much I wanted to die and disappear, but she seemed completely devoted to the idea of surviving to the bitter end. If it were possible, I would have traded my life for hers. She taught me about the feeling of joy that comes from waking up every morning and realizing you’re still alive. About how she only then realized how happy it was to have a healthy body. That moment was a truly enlightening experience. It was then that I made up my mind. I knew my daughter probably didn’t exist in this world anymore. But I couldn’t keep crying over it. I had to continue living, living the life that my daughter couldn’t.”

Lotus wiped the tears off her cheek with the back of her hand, and after catching her breath, she started smiling bashfully. “I’m sorry. I’m such an idiot for going off on a rant about myself in a place like this. All of this was just one of Auntie’s crazy made-up stories. Please forget everything I said.”

Following a hearty sniffle, she said, “Now, let’s get back to looking for that key.” Her voice was tinged with a forced sense of joy.

“What happened to the girl you met under the ginkgo tree?” I asked.

Lotus shook her head. “She gave me the will to live. I couldn’t bear to leave without thanking her, so I asked at the hospital reception desk about her, but they couldn’t find any patient who matched her description. Since she looked just like my Nona, I used a photo and went around asking, but I didn’t have any luck.”

“...Nona?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Nona’s the name of my daughter. I love the song ‘Sukiyaki’ - have you heard of it?”

“That Japanese hit by Kyu Sakamoto?”

“Yes. Since Kyu Sakamoto’s name in Japanese contains the character for ‘nine,’ I decided to name my daughter Nona.”

I tilted my head in confusion. I didn’t get it.

She continued, “It’s Latin. The prefix for nine.”

Lotus dived into a thorough explanation. The prefix for one in Latin is “uni,” as in unicorn. Two is “bi,” as in binary numbers. Three is “tri,” like for trio or triple or triangle. Afterwards, there’s “quadri,” “quinque,” “sex,” “sept,” and “octo” is for eight, like in octopus. And lastly, “nona” is for nine.

“Oh, is that why it’s called the Nonary Game?” I asked.

Lotus nodded. According to her, “nonary” meant “of nine things” or “relating to the base-9 number system.”

There were nine of us. Our time limit was nine hours. In order to ultimately escape from this ship, we needed to form a digital root of [9] and open the [9] door. Everything involved the number 9.

“I find it vexing that this game shares a name with my daughter,” Lotus said while peeking inside a nearby cupboard. “I’m going to live and escape this ship. I swore back then that I would live a long life for my daughter.” She continued with a smile. “Maybe the girl I met back then was Nona’s ghost... I wonder about that nowadays.”

“That’s enough with the ghost stories,” I replied with a laugh. Before I realized, the gloom in the air had lifted.

“I think there’s probably an afterlife,” Lotus said. “Even now, I sometimes sense my daughter staring at me. It feels very warm. I’m sure she’s looking over me... and always encouraging me, ‘Keep going, Mom!’ That’s why I can’t let her down.”

“We’ll survive and escape from here. For sure.”

Just as how Lotus was encouraged by that curious girl - Nona’s ghost? - I felt empowered after hearing Lotus’s story. It was too early to give up. For Lotus, for her vanished daughter, for Akane, for the others in this game, for my dad, for my mom, for my teachers, for my friends - for everyone I’m connected to, and for myself, I had to survive no matter what.

“...I found it.”

I heard Santa mumble from afar. I turned around and saw a green key flying at me in mid-air.

“Nice find, Santa.” I caught the key and stood up.

“Not like I was tryin’ to help. I got hungry and was lookin’ for somethin’ to eat,” he said.

As usual, he had a sour expression on his face and spoke brashly. But this time, I didn’t feel irritated. He was standing in front of the dishwasher. There couldn’t possibly have been any food there.

“Your sister must have it tough, having a rebellious big brother like you,” Lotus laughed.

“I don’t have one. A sister.”

“What? But earlier-”

“She died of Angel Fever,” Santa added brusquely.

He had on his usual poker face, but this time, I noticed it. I had thought him to be a completely cold-hearted person, but for a moment, I caught a glimpse of the deep sorrow in his eyes. That was most likely the real Santa. He probably was only pretending to be tough.

“Let’s go.”

I stood in front of the green door and inserted the key I received from Santa into the keyhole. The screen changed to display the question text.

~Question! What is the scaaaary disease that connects the nine of you together?~

Without hesitation, I typed in “Angel Fever.” My bracelet started flashing red, but I wasn’t concerned. After all, I had complete confidence in the answer.

After I hit the enter key, the door unlocked somewhat anticlimactically. Lotus whistled.

“Let’s move,” I said.

Right as I brought my hand to the doorknob, I heard the sound of a door opening from somewhere behind me. I turned around, but the entrance to the kitchen was closed.

Footsteps echoed.

The three of us exchanged glances. Someone else was here. Whoever it was walked slowly down the hallway before the kitchen.

“...Could it be Zero?”

Lotus braced herself for what was to come. Santa expressed an unusual look of concern.

The footsteps stopped right in front of the entrance to the kitchen. The three of us focused our gazes there. Before long, the doorknob turned-

“Jumpy?” Akane peeked her head through the open door.

“Ka-, no, June...?”

My mind couldn’t process the situation fast enough. I stood there paralyzed, staring back at her in shock.

“Jumpy! I’m so relieved-” Akane cut across the kitchen and flew over to me, on the verge of tears.

“H-Hey... June...”

While weeping like a child, she started patting my chest. From what I could tell, her fever had gone down.

“Leaving me behind like that... that’s terrible! I felt completely helpless.”

“Where have you been all this time?”

“What are you saying? I’ve been sleeping in bed. In Room 92.”

“What? But...”

“I dozed off for a bit... And when I woke up, everyone was gone. I was shocked.”

I still couldn’t fathom what had happened. At the very least, I could tell that Akane wasn’t lying.

“I’m glad. Now we can forge ahead without worry,” Lotus said.

As I stood there still in shock, Lotus put her own hand on the doorknob and opened the door.

“Let’s go, June,” I said.

Thinking everything through could wait. Right now, we had to focus on safely clearing this game. That should be the only thing on our minds as we moved forward.

“Yes!”

Akane’s reply was brimming with energy.

Chapter 9

...Nine years ago?

After listening to their conversations, I finally understood everything.

I can’t believe it.

Who is responsible for this mischief?

...God.

That was the only answer that entered my mind.

Next: Part 4, Chapters 1-2

[shippingk8]

On scale of 1/10 how will you rate volume 5 up to this point. For me it's 8-8.5/10. The only thing that is bumping it down until now is the Menagerie story-line, in my oppinion is really slow, but it may change in the future. Also the Weiss and Yang moments and their interactons are so good.

Hmmm so I had to stop and think for a minute about what I thought. Then I asked my wife, then I asked my editor @toomuchfreetyme2, then I watched this last episode for a second time. After all that this is what I came up with. 

This is a little long, so maybe settle in with a cup of tea. Also, if you haven’t watched the newest episode, “Rest and Resolutions,” spoilers are ahead. 

I also think this volume is at high 8 for me. In comparison to V4 it feels like a lot more is happening, and we are seeing forward momentum and change in the characters. 

In particular the Weiss and Yang moments are great, and no not just because they have propelled the ship forward. Even though the tiniest prospect of them actually getting together together has been a real high point for me, there is more to what has happened with their characters than that. 

It has been shown and even pointed out in this last episode that Weiss has finally started to really open up and see the crew as her family. She still has her quippy Icequeen moments that we all love, but you can actually see her being more affectionate and warm while also realizing that she needs to lean on her own strength. Her closeness with Yang this volume is extremely welcome. She defends, supports, and is observant of what she thinks Yang needs not just at the bandit camp, but even when back with the crew. It is actually pretty cool to see Weiss be so maternal, caring, and dare I say it, emotionally wise. 

In contrast, we see all the issues that Yang really does have this volume. And I find it interesting that she seems to want to hide those issues. I theorize that this choice will lead to some great story problems later, especially since Weiss seems to be the only one to even bring up or recognize that Yang might not be okay with the whole traumatizing ordeal that she went through. Ruby knew that Yang wasn’t okay when she left, but she also seemed more afraid of her sister being mad at her for leaving than, “Hey, sis. Are you sure you are ready for all of THIS?” I think/hope that Yang trying her best to be okay, but not really being okay, and no one but Weiss recognizing that there is obviously an issue, is going to be a big problem/plot point as we move forward or reach the end that will have good character building payoff. 

Then there are all the action scenes this volume which I am SO here for. In addition to Nora, who gives me comic relief life! 

I do like that the cat is starting to be let out of the bag, pun intended. We are getting to see more sides of and deeper into the backstory of what makes Blake the faunus that she is. Which I really appreciate, because after 4 volumes of only dark and brooding I was having a lot of trouble caring about her character. She was falling victim to “the Sasuke effect,” in my eyes. This volume, however, we have seen more depth to her character and gotten a lot of the reasons that justify her dark and brooding nature. Which has made me start to care way more than I used to. I do worry/feel like her mood at times has felt a tiny bit all over the place. I don’t know if this is because of the way the Menagerie story line is written, or if it is because it has become odd to see her emote something besides brooding, OR if it is just a thing that I am experiencing because I have to wait more than a week before seeing her story line again. But in synopsis I am enjoying her character WAY more than I did in volume 4.

I am also happy that we have gotten to see more of how Ruby is feeling about all of this responsibility that has been heaped on her, and get to see her as an inspirational leader that does have her own weaknesses and insecurities. 

And lastly I thought it was nice that this last episode, and some other times so far this volume, it has been pointed out that they have all, pretty much, changed and grown up since the first season. It was a nice moment to be able to reflect on where they are now and that they really aren’t kids anymore. 

(Please don’t anyone freak out about my critiques below. RWBY is one of my absolute favorite shows, but just because you love something doesn’t mean that you aren’t allowed to point out when it has some weaknesses or that you aren’t allowed to want it to improve.)

That said, this last episode did feel exposition-ie. Which in my, and other people’s, opinion has become a big standing issue for the show, or rather maybe a sitting issue. If you went back and had to count the number of times in the last two volumes that people were quite literally sitting and talking about things…. you might actually run out of fingers to count on. (Not going to make the Yang joke, that is low hanging fruit and I have hit my pun limit)

If you add in all the World of Remnant shorts and the other 3 volumes, then you would easily be reaching the twenties, for times exposition has been just dumped out for us. It is pretty undeniable that the writers struggle with working exposition and world building into the actions of and scenes for the characters. For me this is one of the major things that keeps this show at an 8 instead of being at a 10. 

Now you might be of the opinion that I am being hyperbolic, but I would argue that this issue is more far reaching than a lot of people realize. And I bet that when people watched the episode of Yang FINALLY talking with her mom they were left feeling at least a little disappointed in some way. And that the last scene, in the newest episode, with everyone sitting around talking to Oscar/Oz it felt oddly flat and anticlimactic. This is very likely because of how the exposition is being delivered. YES, sometimes you need to lay out info for the audience and story to move forward, but you have to be careful about HOW you do that. The best way is usually to weave it into the story instead of sitting around the campfire telling them about maidens and magic, for example.

You might say, “But we need this information.” To which I would say, “WE don’t need the information, the characters do.” That is one of the things that makes some of the scenes seem so awkward or disappointing. We find out that new information is coming out this episode! Only to find out it isn’t actually new information for us, it is new information for the characters... We as the audience already pieced this stuff together ages ago. 

This wouldn’t be quite so bad if one of two things was done. 

1. Give us a tiny shred of information that we didn’t already know, in addition to all of the things we already know but the character do not. For example, in the scene with Raven, Weiss, and Yang we didn’t actually, as the audience, learn anything new, but there were plenty of tiny scraps of information about Yang and her mother that they could have tossed to us that would have made the scene seem worthwhile. And this could have been the same for other times as well. In the scene around the campfire with Qrow, in volume 4, we didn’t learn anything new. In the scene with the everyone talking to Oscar/Oz this last episode, we didn’t learn anything new. In the scene with Blake talking to Sun about her teammates, we didn’t really learn anything new, but we easily could have. To me, this has become a troubling pattern.

2. If the writers aren’t willing to give us information that is actually new then they need the character reactions or reveal of that information to be interesting and important. Sitting around a table or campfire with the reaction of, “Oh you guys are jerks for lying to us all the time,” it’s really a payoff or exciting. 

The point is that you need to spice up information that is being regurgitated. Whether that means re-revealing information at a time that is inconvenient for the characters, throwing a wrench into what was going to happen because they now they have ‘new’ information that drastically shifts a characters perspective in a new direction, or giving us the information again in a funny or interesting way that pulls you out of the scene of sitting around a table, like a flashback. I thought they did this REALLY well volume 2, “Burning the Candle,” when Yang is talking about her past with Blake. The point is, info dumping is bad and info re-dumping is really bad.

I think something that might be making the Menagerie story line feel slow for you is that we really have no clue what the timeline is at this point for any of them. It was a small issue at the beginning of volume 4 that has really started to snowball. We don’t know when or how fast things are happening, and it is starting to crop up as an problem for viewer understanding and interest more and more as things progress.

Lastly, my wife and editor both pointed out that the writers seem to struggle with writing drama. I would say that I for the most part agree, but I do think that they have made a lot of improvement in volume 5, when compared to volume 4. To me volume 4 felt just sort of medium sad and flat all the time. *shrug* There need to be ups and downs and I think they are getting better at that this volume.

So despite that long analysis and somewhat heavy critique, I am really enjoying this volume so far and am excited each week to see what is going to happen next. I will be honest, I had a lot of trouble with volume 4, and there were a couple of parts of volume 3 felt odd or misplaces. But it is still, and I don’t doubt, will continue to be one of my favorite shows. I mean I just spent like 3 hours writing this, so how could it not be.  :P

I’m sure that over answered your question, but I hope you still liked the answer or at the very least it made you think. :) Later!

[redscullyrevival]

Blood of Dragons: Rain Wilds Chronicles Rundown

Mixing up the format a little bit today, but we’ll make it through @sonnetscrewdriver!

Thymara

First lets state the truth: Thymara has changed a lot from the first book.

Thymara has undoubtedly grown and has gone on to make her own rules, her biggest change being she has learned to love and understand herself.

I see that, Hobb has made that clear.

What’s hard about Thymara is that while I’ve come far in appreciating her as a character, in the end I don’t really agree with her views.

Which isn’t like a big deal. It would be if Hobb didn’t express her character’s as well as she does but like most characters in Realm of the Elderlings I understand Thymara. 

I get her.

I just don’t agree with her, and I’m not talking about her “choosing” Tats over Rapskal, although the two boys do represent narrative ideas so in a way they are connected - but whatever ignore that for now lol.

Rapskal was being an asshole during his and Thymara’s confrontation right before the dragon’s flight to Chalced. He was angry and hurt and probably scared and was lashing out with words and accusations. 

But while he was in the wrong, he wasn’t making stuff up.

“How is that fair? What sort of love did you have for me, that demands that I must always remain the same?” - that’s some real shit right there.

“You still can’t step away and decide things for yourself.” - like DAMN!

This Elderling series was all about changing the rules, changing social structures, just as much as it was about physical changes being tied to our inner personal changes. 

I mean, it’s not a ~coincidence~ all the Keepers are adolescents; The Rain Wilds Chronicles is a unveiled (hah!) coming of age story displaying all the insecurity, fear, sexuality, mental tribulation and physical changes one experiences when stepping into adulthood - and when social constructs are restructured anew.

And at the end of the story Thymara is still pretty childish. 

Which isn’t inherently bad! 

Thymara is just going much slower than others are. She is choosing to go slower and that’s her choice and it’s a choice expressed well within her character arc, her agency is clear. 

What I disagree with is Thymara’s belief that her views, her chosen pace, is ‘correct’ (and I’m a little miffed the narrative leans towards supporting her view, which in my opinion dilutes the potency of the CHANGING THE RULES! themes).

Now, Thymara doesn’t express this directly towards others that often and really the only person she seems intent on passing judgement on is Rapskal (well, and Jerd) - and a part of that is because Rapskal puts her in that position, he pulls just as much as he pushes that’s true.

Which is why Tat’s won out in the romance department and that was the right choice for those characters in keeping their characterization honest. 

My point is that Thymara has made the correct choice for herself, that’s thoroughly explored, but her continued unease about whatever everyone else is doing and how they are changing (especially Rapskal) is telling. 

And as a third independent thinking party Thymara comes off as a bit pious to me. 

I feel in my bones if we ever come across her again we may see her look back on her early steps into adulthood with embarrassment.

Thymara is going to come out of her adolescence a lot safer, a lot sturdier then others due to her slow pace but not necessarily more emotionally or mentally secure. 

Her risks remain low, Thymara only starts to actively engage her own life at the end of the tale.  

But what was her last moment in the series? She flew! However briefly. 

I believe Thymara’s wings are representative of the idea that she is going to continue growing, that eventually she’ll be higher than everyone and when she rises her perspective will drastically shift. 

Because time is it’s own change; aging is it’s own change; incorporating experience into your life is it’s own change; and Thymara has taken the tortoise route. 

Then there is this guy:

Rapskal

Rapskal is in the opposite direction of Thymara with his own terrifying adolescence pitfalls.

Rapskal believes that because he has absorbed memories of older people (in passage of time and age) he thus has experience - and that’s somewhat true! 

Reyn confirms this when he is shocked that Rapskal can beat him in swordplay. Rapskal’s body absorbs and remembers Tellator as much as his mind; he is built mentally different than the other Elderlings and he is stronger both in body and conviction. 

The rub is that Rapskal uses memory stones as shorthand for his own existence, uses them to bypass his own early stage adulthood and skip to being someone new entirely. 

He’s already committed to his new perspective, he has already flown whereas Thymara is only starting to believe that maybe someday she can.

But he is still someone of his own making, incorporated memories and all!

Rapskal has made choices just as much as Thymara has. Neither of them are wrong in their choice because the point is that the choices belong to them individually, the issue is that they can’t see it that way yet.

Because that’s growing up; can't see the forest for the trees.

And sometimes people get lost and/or grow apart. 

Thymara shouldn’t have sat around and sulked and felt sad about how SHE was loosing her friend Rapskal - she thought of him only as how he related to herself and what she wanted him to be.

Rapskal shouldn’t have pressured Thymara into treating the memories she absorbed as he was treating the ones he did, he made the same adolescent mistake when it comes to growing up in close proximity with others - he too considered her as how she related to himself and what he wanted her to be to him. 

Basically Thymara and Rapskal are seriously convincing teenage protagonists! LOL

Those teenage years are full of selfishness, confusing, draining, terrifying, selfishness. They are! That’s what’s so hard about them, you don’t see it until you’re past it, until you’re above it.

And I think that’s the deal with Elderling’s coming from Humanity.

Check it:

Plot/Narrative/Setting

We know now that Elderlings come from humans; so in a lot of ways we can view humanity as an adolescent stage.

Kelsingra itself is like the adult form of Trehaug; traveling up river the water starts to run clear and the ground begins to firm.  

Growing up is hard, the physical changes take getting use to; the solid ground feels odd compared to the swinging imbalance of the last place.

Humanity is changing to survive and learning to coexist with dragons once again; the growing pains of which is it’s own social, ideological, adolescence.

I think you get my point!

No one knows exactly what they’re doing. Everyone is just making Elderling society up as they go for the most part - the beautiful self discovery and terrifying responsibility of adulthood transferred onto an entirely new race and society.  

It’s a little frustrating we won’t get to directly see the Elderling’s ascend but they’re now far too big a presence in the narrative space to not come back to, possibly even sooner than later! I’m excited to see what Fiz and The Fool has to offer me and what kind of thematic extension it may be to the end of Rain Wilds.

Because this last book feels like another set up, doesn’t it?just a little bit? It feels like Blood of Dragons is leaning into another book - but that could just be the anticlimactic tone lol.

I’m super excited to go back to Fiz and see how he’s doing and what nonsense he’ll be sucked into next but, again, it’s frustrating I won’t get to experience the keeper’s owning their choices and owning adulthood - as with Thymara I’m really pressed to see how time and age will change their views of their journey up the river and into Elderings. I don’t want to wait! Haha, silly. 

Something that was disappointing with the end of this book is that because the cast is so large it doesn't feel like a lot of people get any kind of closure for the reader, you know?  

Tats and Thymara getting the last scene made me a little worried, like maybe I misunderstood the series? I worried that maybe their relationship meant more to the narrative then I had picked up on simply because it was given the weighty place of being the last scene, whereas many loose threads among the many other characters were left dangling.

So that was a bit unsatisfying. 

But all in all most everyone got their grand (to little) moments of confirmation in who they’ve become.

Not my favorite book in the series but still a solid entry!

AND MY BABIES LIVED! Yaaayayyaayayaaaaaaaaaa *gurgle* 

Alise

Alise is off and rolling! I hope she gets the recognition she deserves for her scholarly work and I hope she continues to pursue it, just as I hope she continues to pursue her new life.

I appreciated how quickly Alise found happiness, found what she wanted, and didn’t torture herself with denying herself that happiness (unlike some Six Duchies men I know...)

Alise and Leftrin’s bond is secure and I really liked how the confrontation with Hest was at no point played for will-she-won’t-she-drama, we knew she had no remote desire to return to hest, no hesitation to cast him aside to his face. 

Alise’s total and instant shutdown of Hest was hard won on her part and I liked how it wasn’t treated in the narrative like this glorified shiny moment but rather a resented necessity. 

Captain Leftrin

The sweetest and most stoic man, partner to my favorite Liveship. 

Just a treat. <3

Sedric

Good job Sedric! Well done!

Sedric has come a long way and still has further to go.

His struggle with trying to untangle himself from what Hest shaped him into and then what of that shape he genuinely enjoys or wants to discard is interesting stuff that I wish we could have dug into a little deeper - another draw back of having such a huge cast.

Overall we leave Sedric in a good place, I get the feeling he’ll settle into a place of some importance in new Elderling society and I hope his organization and communication skills are put to good use, for his and other’s benefit. 

Precious man. 

Tats

So I’m sitting here, trying to think of what to write about for Tats and the first thing I did was think, “Well, why did Thymara want?”

Why am I thinking about Thymara when I’m trying to talk about Tats?!

That’s what’s so frustrating to me about this character! 

I. Don’t. Know. Him.

I don’t want to say Tats is boring but Tats is borning.

He is nice.

He is patient.

That’s it?

I’m indifferent to Tats and Thymara ending up together. I’m not invested in their relationship and never was, nor was I ever really sold on the non-love-triangle stuff.

And that’s why the ending of the series felt like maybe I missed something? LOL 

Like, I was sitting there going “Wait, really? We’re ending on this note with these two? Oh shit I didn’t invest right.” 

It was a weird realization! I also realized I didn’t care lol 

I think I still got plenty out of the series and understood the wider themes just fine even if the specific route of Thymara/Tats eluded me.

Highlighted Passages

She could change. She wasn’t chained to her past. She could become someone who wasn’t merely a product of what others had done to her. It wasn’t too late.

Isn’t it what humans have done for generations? We claim the land as ours and turn it to our purposes. We change the channels of rivers and the face of the land so that we can travel by boat or grow a crop or graze cattle. And we think it only natural that we should shape the whole world to be comfortable and yielding for humankind. Why should dragons be any different in how they perceive the world?

From Ronica Vestrit of the Vestrit Traders, Bingtown To Whatever Incompetent Bird Handler is accepting messages in Cassarick

Humans could never accept the world as it was and live in it. They were always breaking it and living among the shattered pieces.

She’d had to change her image of herself from the very bones out. Ultimately, she knew, it had been good for her. That did not mean she enjoyed being reminded of it.

When she ventured into her memory sampling, it was for a specific purpose and she kept her attention tightly focused on what she wanted to know, refusing all other tugs at her attention. It was like diving into deep cold water to retrieve a sparkling stone.

It was Tarman’s way, and for himself, Leftrin was grateful that his liveship was more taciturn than most. He did not think he could have enjoyed a chatterbox like the Ophelia or a moody and dramatic ship like the Paragon. But there, it was probably like it was for children. Each parent thought his was the best, and doubtless every captain would prefer his own liveship to any other.

She tried to see him impartially; was he an ugly child, doomed to be rejected by other children as he grew? She had found she could not tell. He was Ephron, her little boy, and his differences were part of who he was, not points to be compared with others.

King and queen. It made her ridiculously sad. The dreams of Malta the girl might come true even as the longings of Phron’s mother were destroyed. 

He blurted out the words and then was horrified. He had never intended to speak of it to anyone. Having someone else know about it made it real.

“There is something about knowing that someone is taking pleasure in giving you incredible pain . . . with no remorse. It changes how you see yourself; it changes what you can believe of other people. It changes everything.”

Elderlings found a way, but I do not recall the details of it. They could touch it and wear it on their hands to work their magic. It gave intent to stone, and it spoke to wood and pottery and metal, bidding it be a certain shape or react in a given way. And those things did as the Elderlings bade them. They made doorways from it, entries of stone that they used to travel to their other cities. They created buildings that stayed warm in the winter. They made roads that always remembered they were roads and did not allow plants to break them. The most powerful of them sometimes used Silver to transform themselves at death, going into the statues they made to preserve a strange sort of life for themselves.

And ridiculous red Heeby flew wherever she would, now part of the formation, now trailing it, now flying to one side. Her slender scarlet rider sang as they flew, a song of anger and vengeance, but also one that praised the beauty of angry dragons in flight and painted a glorious victory for them. Ridiculous, and ridiculous that she and the others enjoyed it so. Thymara had complained more than once about how freely the dragons used their glamour to compel their keepers to tend them. Yet not once had she ever admitted the power that human flattery and praise in song could exert over dragons. She was not the only dragon who flew with her mind full of Rapskal’s glorious images of exotically beautiful dragons triumphing over every obstacle.

But Sedric, what have you done? All will know that you . . .” “That I am what I am,” he said calmly. “I do not apologize for that. Ever.”

“I knew Hest existed. I knew you’d been his. There were times when I felt like a thief. There was a day when Sedric took me on about it, saying that I was going to ruin your whole life by loving you. Made me feel selfish and low for wanting you.” “It seems a lifetime ago.” She smiled at him. “We used to worry about such peculiar things.”

“He made no cry for vengeance when I was the one who was dying,” she observed sourly to her Elderling. “Yet let them succeed in giving him a bellyache, and he will melt all their cities with venom.”

Malta was not pleased to let him go and not only because she feared for him. No, she had wanted to be the one to ride the queen into battle.

He and Carson and Malta had had several long and philosophical conversations about how these new Elderlings might form their society. This was his first unveiled look at it, and he tried to conceal his surprise and dismay. 

Distantly he heard Davvie shouting something about “you torn-up old umbrella!” 

“You’ve seen many things in the stone, haven’t you, Tellator?” He looked at her consideringly. “I lived many things,” he replied. “And other things I know from the stone ancestors I chose for myself. If one is to be a warrior, then one chooses the accounts of warriors, to read them from the stone and to use their experience again. And so I am Tellator, but I am also the ones that Tellator incorporated into himself.”

Brashen scratched his chin and then smiled at Althea. “Changing history seems to run in your family. First Wintrow and Malta, now Selden.” He took a sip of his tea. Paragon spoke up, his voice wry. “So fortunate for you that you married the sane, responsible female in the family.” Brashen choked.

We begin a new time. Perhaps we begin with new ways.

[bakechochin]

The Book Ramblings of March

In place of book reviews, I will be writing these ‘book ramblings’. A lot of the texts I’ve been reading (or plan to read) in recent times are well-known classics, meaning I can’t really write book reviews as I’m used to. I’m reading books that either have already been read by everyone else (and so any attempt to give novel or insightful criticisms would be a tad pointless), or are so convoluted and odd that they defy being analysed as I would do a simpler text. These ramblings are pretty unorganised and hardly anything revolutionary, but I felt the need to write something review-related this year. I’ll upload a rambling compiling all my read books on a monthly basis.

The Princess Bride - William Goldman When I purchased this book immediately after having finished watching the film (which is amazing, as everyone other than me already knew), I was certain I’d be giving it a book review instead of a book rambling. But this book honestly surprised me with its interesting approach to storytelling, so I’m going to ramble about it. That being said, it would be remiss of me to not quickly summarise my opinions on the book by, before getting into the more academic thoughts, saying that this book is really fucking good; amazing characters, amazing story, quality humour, all the rest of it. The book employs a frame narrative of sorts; the book that you hold in your hands is presented as an abridged edition of a pre-existing text by some bloke called Morgenstern, altered to include only the ‘best bits’ by Goldman. The original text was said to be a satirical piece on royalty, and the few comments from the author reveal that this omitted text was often made up of hilarious hyperbole. This story, on account of these omissions, is transformed into a fairy tale, where simplistic plots are expected and accepted; I do find it awe-inspiring that Goldman has managed to essentially get away with only writing what he wanted to write about, and yet his methods of doing so are equally as interesting as the story’s content. I am somewhat torn on what I think on Goldman’s additions to the text, describing his own experiences and memories of his first read-through of the book. On the one hand, it does a great job at centralising the book in Goldman’s fabricated backstory, and it emphasises the way that the book ought to be read, as a delightful childhood memory that you get attached to and enthralled in. (As a quick side note, this book emphasises this perspective a hell of a lot better than the film did). On the other hand, Goldman is essentially interrupting the reading experience every now and then to give away plot points and tell you how you ought to be feeling. This book is oddly more meta (as much as I hate the term) than I was expecting; when I went into the book I assumed that it would be a standalone fantasy fairy tale with a few real world bits thrown in just to give the book’s existence context (an assumption which perhaps stemmed from my observing that, unlike The Neverending Story, the 'real world' and the fiction world in this book didn’t appear to be intrinsically linked, and could probably function well enough on their own). But this book is pretty much defined by Goldman’s ‘own’ experiences with the book, and constantly refers to the real world goings-on regarding the making/editing of this book. This is employed to justify certain edits in the text; for example, there is a scene in which Westley and Buttercup reunite, but the actual scene is not included in the book because Morgenstern supposedly didn’t write it. And so instead of that scene, we are given an address of a publishing company to send a letter to requesting Goldman’s supposed newly-written version of that scene. I find it all good fun, if a tad baffling regarding why it is here (other than centralising the story in Goldman’s version of reality, as said above). It seems like it could be construed as attempting to streamline the story, because obviously in a story about true loves getting repeatedly separated, there will no doubt be a veritable fuck tonne of reunion scenes filled with tears and heartfelt confessions of love, of which it may be wise to skip; however, this explanation for not writing this scene is somewhat juxtaposed by the fact that you spend just as long reading Goldman’s explanation for the absence of the scene as you would have done reading the scene. This ties in to another aspect of this book’s storytelling that I quite like; Goldman’s opposition with Morgenstern. The obvious example of this is the whole existence of this ‘abridged’ book, edited down as a response to the preponderance of dense satire in Morgenstern’s original work, but it continues in other aspects; the book is full of daft parentheses, seemingly to elucidate where and when the book is set but in reality muddying the waters even further, and Goldman frankly admits that he doesn’t know why they are there and that if you don’t like them, you don’t have to read them. Whatever Goldman’s reasoning for putting in these bizarre and constant parentheses, be it an actual literary device or as a whimsical fancy as befitting the genre, I do have respect for him for not only not explaining why he includes them, but flat out denying having any knowledge of said information. The ending toys with two different versions; Morgenstern’s version, in which things start going wrong and everything is left uncertain, and Goldman’s version, where everything is left happily ever after. I can appreciate both endings, and find them very interesting for the purpose of analysis, but I’m going with Goldman’s ending. Call me a reductionist if you must, but I want the happy fairy tale ending, because that’s how I want to think of this book when I’m talking about it casually. There’s even entire extracts from a supposed sequel to this book, but to tell the truth I didn’t even bother to read them, because said snippets are deliberately written to seem like fragments of a lost manuscript, and I want to read this book as a fairy tale, not as a text for literary analysis or criticism. Maybe I should have just given this book a normal book review after all.

The Murders in the Rue Morgue and Other Stories - Edgar Allan Poe I was biased going into this, as I’ve read Poe before and was already a firm believer that he is the master of the short story, but after having read pretty much all of his well-known short fiction collected in this anthology, I can’t say my opinion’s changed all that much. I think it was Huxley who described Poe’s writings as being shitty because it was ‘too poetical - the equivalent of wearing a diamond ring on every finger’, and though this is delightfully eloquent, I consider myself better than Huxley so here’s my take; Poe’s stories are some of my absolute favourite writings, eloquent without being too pretentious and grandiloquent without being too dense (for the most part). Poe is the indisputable master of writing stories that deal with the contrasting themes of the fantastic and the real (I’ve gone on enough about Todorov’s definition of the fantastic for you to know what I’m on about here), and his fantastic stories are absolutely fucking brilliant. There isn’t much to be said about the storytelling other than that it balances its inclusion of the fantastic and the real excellently (so as to allow the reader to make up their own minds as to if the events of the stories are actually supernatural or just the result of madness), it is excellent at building up tension, and the twists are always amazing (if occasionally a tad variable in how predictable they are). My favourite stories, by the way, are ‘The Tell-Tale Heart’ and ‘William Wilson', both of which epitomise my aforementioned praise excellently. I also absolutely love Poe’s versatility to apply the fantastic to other settings and to interesting subject materials (even some subjects contemporary to the times Poe was writing); I was expecting an abundance of settings similar to ‘The Fall of the House of Usher’, with gothic mansions and the like, but we get Italian carnivals and the Inquisition and incorporation of themes such as mesmerism, which keep the stories continually fresh and interesting if you were to read them one after the other, as I did. I do believe that Poe’s writing style is best suited to his fantastic stories. This collection sheds light on the fact that Poe has written a fair amount of diverse stuff, despite the fact that he is best known for ‘The Fall of the House of Usher’ or ‘William Wilson’, the generic ‘Poe’ stories. ‘The Murders in the Rue Morgue’, for example, is a detective story (admittedly a very fun one), but Poe’s grandiloquent verbosity does not lend itself well to quick snappy deductions and conversations; instead, we get long streams of dialogue from our detective character, followed  by a very fast and somewhat anticlimactic resolution of events that really ought to have been staggered throughout the story a tad. (I am willing to cut the story some slack, since it is among the earliest detective stories and, as mentioned above, it is great fun). There are some of Poe’s stories that tackle the theme of love, like ‘Ligeia’ or ‘Eleanora’, but then the language seems at odds with the tone of the story, as its incessant formality makes the love seem rather disingenuous. Of course I wouldn’t want to devalue how Poe’s work has inspired some other excellent genre pieces - for that they deserve some praise - but, whilst not saying that they are terrible, said stories, with the possible exception of ‘The Murders in the Rue Morgue’, are not very memorable when placed alongside Poe’s short stories that are more obviously recognisable as Poe. No one’s favourite Poe story is 'The Golden Bug’. And that’s not just because it’s quite racist.

The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde and The Bottle Imp - Robert Louis Stevenson I probably ought to have read this story aeons ago, considering how prevalent it is in modern media due to its creation of one of the archetypal British literary ‘icons’; because of this aforementioned prevalence, I went into this book with an abundance of preconceptions as to what to expect from this book, and I was surprised by how few of said ideas were actually involved in the book. Most of the things I have to say about this book revolve around how it went against what I would have expected. Everyone knows the character(s) of Jekyll and Hyde, and so I was surprised as to how, for the most part, the narrative was told from the perspective of someone else entirely; it honestly really helps the building of mystery, and if it wasn’t for the fact that a) everyone knows the twist of this story, and b) even if you didn’t know the twist, the fucking blurb spoils it, I would have absolutely been taken by this story’s enigmatic plot - convinced by its posited rationality to justify the weird goings-on, and surprised by the ending twist. This does, however, raise concerns of mine regarding how this novella is structured; obviously the grand reveal that Jekyll and Hyde are the same person needed to wait until the end of the book, but consequently this results in one incredibly lengthy explanatory chapter from Jekyll right at the end to elucidate matters. Considering that a lot of this book’s themes revolve around this final chapter, I wonder if the novella would have been better suited as a narrative entirely told by Jekyll. Arguably the main theme of this novel, the duality of man, is of course told excellently, and unlike other stories which revolve around the theme of ’the double’, the explicit explanation of where this double comes from and how it ties in with Jekyll’s own character makes for, in my opinion, a more compelling read (especially since this explanation revolves around pseudoscience, and I love the whole ‘man playing God’ malarkey that comes with said subject). For a story that is essentially gothic, featuring a character like Hyde who has been depicted as a vile little villain in many different adaptations, I was expecting a tad more penny dreadful-esque gore and violence; instead, the violence that Hyde carries out is often described matter-of-factly and succinctly, which seems at odds with the hysterical eyewitness accounts from which these events are reported from, but certainly makes sense when considering the professional detached perspectives of the narrative voices Utterson and Jekyll, law and medical professionals respectively. However, I am less inclined to believe that this was a deliberate decision in the writing style than I would be with something like A Clockwork Orange, wherein that’s the whole point; I reckon it’s just Stevenson’s own writing style, which is, don’t get me wrong, bloody great. The Penguin English Library edition of this story (i.e. the one that I read) also comes with Stevenson’s short story ‘The Bottle Imp’, which I very much enjoyed for its amazing titular concept and for its somewhat anticlimactic and yet still satisfying ending, but, despite what others have said to me, it’s not as good as Jekyll and Hyde.

Autobiography of a Corpse - Sigizmund Krzhizhanovsky The blurb of this book described Krzhizhanovsky’s stories as ‘mind-bending’, and I cynically assumed that this was nothing more than a hyperbolic marketing ploy, like when people call 1984 a ‘masterpiece’ when in reality it’s a bit shit. But by fuck is this book legitimately mind-bending. I bought this thinking it sounded reminiscent of Gogol, who I love, but I also had it recommended to me by a pretentious friend who reads all the Booker Prize nominations just so he can have contentious opinions about them, which should have probably notified me of the Mieville-esque air of self-satisfied pretentiousness that this book has with its very clever and very wanky themes. Though used for roughly the same ends, there is a difference between cryptic writing and abstract  writing, and this book is certainly more of an abstract read. The stories take seemingly mundane or simple concepts from fields of study like philosophy or geography or what have you, and adapts these simple principles into complex ideas to reflect the story’s fantastic elements. In some cases this makes for some absolutely genius writing, with such simple ideas being utilised with such versatility to create some truly fascinating and amazing stuff, but in other cases it comes across really quite annoying, jumping sporadically from subject to subject and taking away from the mystery of the story’s fantastic elements with its constant need to explain said elements (often poorly and with a heavy reliance on tenuous links). This is especially evident in the stories that aren’t so much stories as they are a compilation of unrelated ideas, the main example being the story ‘Seams’. The few stories in the anthology that do not rely on long-winded verbose ramblings about abstract philosophical content (musings on the ‘I’ being an especially prolific example in the collection) were in most cases my favourite, indeed putting to mind Gogol to some extent as I had first hoped when I bought the book. All of the stories from ‘The Runaway Fingers’ to ‘Thirty Pieces of Silver’ are absolutely amazing, because they had a base concept that Krzhizhanovsky excellently built upon; it’s a great sign when an already great concept that I wouldn’t have thought of is then elaborated on in interesting directions that I wouldn’t have thought of. These stories are amazing not just because they aren’t entirely reliant on abstract wankiness, but that certainly helps their case. The eponymous story ‘Autobiography of a Corpse’ has its base concept, and doesn’t really elaborate on said base concept as much as it does add on additional abstract ideas, but arguably this works well enough because said abstract ideas link, in a weird and abstract way, to the original concept. Honestly I can’t keep on attempting to explain this; I’ve written the word ‘abstract’ too many times and it’s starting to lose meaning.

The Picture of Dorian Grey - Oscar Wilde Yet again have I been tricked into reading a novel that I thought would be gothic but instead just has one central vaguely gothic plot device. Indeed, a brief Google search describes this book as a ‘philosophical’ novel, which is certainly not my usual fare, but because I’m a fan of Wilde and needed an actual novel to read instead of another short story collection and am vulnerable to chicanery regarding what constitutes a gothic piece, I picked it up. I didn’t really read this novel as being especially reflective of Wilde’s own sexuality, because whilst there is something of paiderastia to be seen in some of the relationships between the male characters, such relationships hardly persist through the entirety of the book and end up being somewhat forgotten as relationships move past first meetings or characters change their standpoints on certain matters. What I did see in the book was some excellent commentary on the fin de siecle, aestheticism, and of course the theme of appearance versus reality; I’ve realised that I’ll happily read a philosophical novel so long as the philosophies it is spouting are interesting enough to read (although an interesting premise and plot also really helps, which is all well and good because this book possesses that too). I am for the most part a fan of Wilde’s wit. I’ve heard it criticised because a lot of it is just Wilde reversing statements of common wisdom or perverting cliches, and when you realise this, you see it absolutely fucking everywhere. Lord Henry is basically a mouthpiece for every melodramatic stereotypically ‘Wilde' quote you can think of, and I do think that the fact that we even have a preconception of what a stereotypical ‘Wilde’ quote ought to be is part of the problem. Despite Wilde's statement (in this book, even) that ’there is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about’, exactly how prolific and prevalent Wilde’s witticisms are in modern culture, with bags and mugs and little tiny books full of his most well-known wit and all that shit, is part of the reason why it seems so saturated and perhaps even a little bit stale. We know all of his wit, we can see the common trends behind it, and that somewhat diminishes it’s worth. Despite that big fuck-off rant, I still really enjoy Wilde’s wit, and even if you are aware of how he comes up with this shit, it’s still a great joy to read. Hell, even if you’re tired of that, there’s still some great banter from Wilde about aristocratic haughtiness to enjoy, so take your fill of that. There’s a lot to enjoy about this book. I like it a lot.

Stuff I read this month that I couldn’t be arsed to ramble about: Fantastic Tales (edited by Italo Calvino) and John Milton’s Paradise Lost. In it’s fucking entirety. Fuck you Milton.