#maybe i have thick skin since i don’t share media preferences with a lot of people i know in real life

[devilsskettle]

maybe if people stopped defining their identities by what movies they like then they could talk to people who don’t share their interests without feeling attacked by totally innocuous statements of opinion

[voltagesmutter]

Once Upon An Us - Prologue

Portfolio

Name: Bella Swan

Age: 22

Nationality: British

Occupation: Website design, University degree in media

Appearance: 

Hair: Ice blonde, thick, touches bottom of breasts, has a slight side fringe 

Skin: Pale, wears fake tan for subtle glow

Eyes: Sky-blue

Lips: Plump and naturally pouty

Body: Roughly 5”7, long legs, slim but curvy

Breasts: Perky and more than a handful but not too big

Bum: Curve in spine gives illusion there's more than there is, firm and round

Hands: Petite, long fingers, always acrylic extensions on them

Clothes: Often off the shoulder tops with a bralette underneath with a black pencil skirt with heels

Makeup: Always a cat-flick eyeliner, often gold and brown eyeshadow with nude lips, light foundation and concealer. 

Personality:

Doesn’t take shit from anyone

Stands up for herself 

Argues back when feels she the need too

Not afraid of risks

Doesn’t realise her power of men

Extremely friendly and bubbly

Not great with conflict unless she's angry

Hobbies and work:

Freelance designer

Loves dogs

Gamer

Loves tv-programs to distract emptiness of her apartment

Music is a huge pleasure

Taking a big bubble bath with a good book

Wants:

Hoping to find love or ‘the one’

Someone who makes her laugh and smile

A pleasure to wake up too

Someone easy on the eyes, however personality trumps over appearance

Successful career, not a lay about

No preference over age, as long as they treat her right

Sex:

Not a virgin

Not heavily experienced

Never been brought to an orgasm by a partner

Not embarrassed by masturbating, uses vibrators to reach a climax

‘Welcome to Pods, the new dating experience to help you find the perfect partner. We have collected your data and produced your profile, we cross match it with the others in our system to produce suitable matches for you. We take your compatibility and produce a time frame for you to spend time together. You will both reside in a pod, adjusted and adapted for your shared comfort for your time frame. The experience gives you time to see how you are compatible as a couple, facing the everyday life of living and being together. Nothing is off limits when it's come to your relationship as long as everything is consensual. When your time limit is up, you may leave the pods together or carry on with your next experience/interest. If you feel the comparability is wrong and we have made an error you are able to end the pod experience with your partner at any point. Now, go and enjoy your pod experience in finding love,”. 

Taking a deep breath you entered into your welcome pod after being debriefed by the robotic message that played on the screen. You sat nervously tapping your fingers together, waiting, knowing in a few moments time you would be greeting your first partner in your shared pod. 

You remembered the day you signed up for this experience, after seeing the successful stories of others finding their real loves with the catchphrase, “Thank you Pod, because of you we found love!”. It was something you craved for, to be loved, to be in love. Yes you were only the ripe age of 22, but seeing all your friends in absolute divine heaven with their significant others made you feel in a world of loneliness. You had never been in love or been loved, you thought you had been once but it wasn’t, it was someone being controlling and manipulating you. Breaking you down future and future until you no longer recognised the person you saw in the mirror. Being lied to about their feelings, determined to use this to get you into bed which you being so naive and young fell into, only to be dropped after like a rock into the ocean, sinking and forgotten about. That was the day you then decided your worth, not anyone else, you and only you. 

You tried dating, it wasn’t a great experience, you often found a lot of men looking for one-night stands or an affair. Something you weren't interested in, no you wanted to find a partner, someone who you would get excited to wake up to every morning and see their face. You were beginning to feel slightly hopeless until you saw the advert for Pods and that was the day you changed your love life completely. Applying online, it stated every clearly the process, that you would live with a person for a dedicated time frame based on your compatibility to give you the experience of seeing how you lived with a ‘perfect match’. Since you worked for yourself this would be easy for you as you could take your work with you and not have to worry about taking time off. It was quite an exciting feeling, thinking you might be living with a total stranger who may become your future partner, if you get a match that even is. The reviews were amazing, with over a 95% success of people finding love and pursuing a relationship with them afterwards. 

It was only a few days after applying you got a phone call saying they had found you a match and that you could begin your journey together tomorrow. They gave you a checklist of what you needed: anything for work, any hobbies and leisure activities you had, clothes for all occasions, any birth control and protection you wished to bring (although they did provide) and any personal items that you wished. The place you would be living was a ‘Pod’ which was a shared apartment, one bedroom and bathroom, an office, kitchen and living room with everything provided and customised to your lifestyles. 

You were nervous! In a day’s time you would be meeting someone with a high match to your personality and persona! Throwing everything from your wardrobe into a suitcase, you didn’t know how long you would be there for or what you might get up so best to be prepared. All your makeup went with you, this was essential. Taking your laptop and putting on top of your case, you needed this along with your client books for work. 

“Um…” You sigh and think of anything else. You throw in your favourite blanket for home comfort, along with a photo of you and your best friends to keep them with you whilst you was there. The only last thing you needed to pack was your birth control and period essentials, due to how unpredictable your period could be, you went onto the birth control pill to help you regulate and monitor them properly. With everything packed you take a final scan but nothing screamed out to you. 

Sitting on your bed you take out your phone and ring your best friend, Rose. She knew all about your application and demanded as soon as you heard back you told her.

“Hey, Rose, no girl guess what!” You smile down the phone.

“You finally got some?” You knew she had a smug grin on her face.

“No you perv! I have a match!” You squeal and so does she.

“Tell me everything!”.

“I leave tomorrow,”.

“No way, how long for?”.

“I don’t know…”.

“Oh okay, so the guy, come on!”.

“I don’t know anything,” You chuckle, “They keep everything secret until your in the pod with them, I guess it’s to stop anyone searching and find anything out maybe?”.

“But, I want to know who you're going to be with,” You can tell she's pouting, “What if he’s the one and your gone for like a year and I never seen you again”. 

You can’t help but snort with laughter.

“Rose, no, it doesn’t work like that. I can still leave the pod and do my normal life, I just live their with him instead, I can still see you, you silly sod,”.

“Well I wish you the ultimate happiness on your road to love and hope you don’t forget me, I’ll be over to visit you, we can have a girls night maybe?”.

“I would love to have you over! Maybe wait and let me see what he’s like first? I mean it goes bad. I am able to leave at any time so,” You let out a light sigh, “But let's hope it’s all good”.

“Any man would be an idiot not to want you, especially living with your sexy ass,”.

“I love you, you know if you and Brad ever break up I’m first in line to get in your bed right,” You tease, flirty banter with your best friend, is anything better?

“Yeah, well watch it you! Don’t be-coming back pregnant you hear me, I’m too young to be called Aunty Rose,” She laughs, making your face go red.

“I’m not going to get pregnant, don’t be so stupid!”.

“Babe I’m being serious for a moment, don’t hold yourself back with this guy, if it feels right and you know you want some good slap and tickle, go for it,” You can't help but burst out laughing at her words, “Bella I’m serious!”.

“God I’m sorry but slap and tickle, you sound like my grandparents, please never say that phrase again,”.

“Okay, okay, it was kind of awful wasn’t it, but I’m serious, don’t hold back and let you enjoy yourself,”. 

“I know, I’m just going to roll with it all, but look I need to go, I got to prep for tomorrow!”.

“Keep me update, I love you!”.

“I love you too!”.

“Oh and Bella!” You were just about to press to end the call, “If he’s fit send me some pics yeah”. You end the call, unable to contain your laughter, knowing she was serious. 

You spent that night prepping, doing your hair, nails, shaving and tanning, you wanted to look your best for tomorrow. It was a pleasant sleep until you woke up in the morning, nerves and anxiety riddled you as you began to realise this is the last night you would wake up in your apartment until who knows when. What would he be like? Who even is he? Thousands of questions flood your head as you prepared to get to leave, on the way to find one of ‘your perfect matches’. 

“Miss.Swan?” A friendly voice asks and you look up to a woman in a white lab coat, “Hi, I’m Daisy, your partner is just being briefed as you had moments go, so if you’ll follow me,”. You nervously find your feet, feeling the bubble of anxiety begin to rise in your stomach. You follow her silently as she leads you down a corridor and to an outdoor area. It’s a huge field, with pods dotted about all over it, a road connecting them all together.

“So this is you, number 35,” She smiles after leading you up a pathway to a wooden log pod, it was beautiful.

“Thank you, is… is my partner?” You ask, accepting the key off her.

“No, your partner will be with you briefly, we wanted to give you a moment to settle in and explore, read over his portfolio before you meet,” She smiles sweetly, “Right, so that's all now, remember anything you need just press the pod app on your phone,”. With that she turns on her heel and you take a deep, nervous breath before unlocking the door. Inside it was stunning, it was nothing like you expedited. An open plan living room with kitchen area, sophisticated but also homely furniture filled the room with a corridor which you presumed led to the bedroom, bathroom and office area. You kick off your shoes and walk barefooted across the wooden floor exploring, you open the bedroom to see one double bed, a slight blush hinting over your face. You see your suitcase at the foot of bed along with a sleek black one, the realisation of this happening starting to kick and made you feel more nervous than before. Walking back to the living room and sitting on the sofa you see the folder on the table.

Taking a deep breath, you pull the folder onto your lap to review your match.

[readingsbylibramc]

birth chart reading for @scorpioxaries

hello! welcome to your reading. I’m gonna give you a quick overview of what I’m going to analyze about your natal chart. feel free to ask me anything if something isn’t clear, of course. you’ll find out your dominants’ influence on your persona, your physical appearance, impression on others and the way you approach the world; your ego, identity, the real you; your reactions, your desires, inner emotions; your way of expressing your feelings, your mind and ideas; your desires and approach to love; your energy tank, instincts and temperament; in-depth analysis of each house with their rulers and analysis of heavy aspects; love life + soulmates/karmic partners interpretation; your relationship with your friends; your family life; your approach to career and work in general + possible jobs suggestion; your style, fashion sense analysis; life purpose and past life description; basic transits’ analysis to describe your current mood and, last but not least, your secret skills, how to make the most out of your soul and manifest what you desire based on your birth chart.

🦋 chart shape, dominants

your chart is a locomotive shape. this means that you're a very ambitious person, with a lot of energy. the moon has a big influence on you, and your life revolves around understanding your feelings and emotional growth. the empty part of your life is what you have to develop, hence your family, love life and also your communication and thinking style, together with your confidence.

your dominant planets are mercury, pluto and uranus. you're an extremely intelligent and creative person with amazing problem-solving skills. you're very talkative and witty, and also extremely charismatic too. it's hard not to listen to you. you may experience lots of transformations in your life, you may make major changes to your lifestyle, but they'll help you gain more confidence and happiness to live more peacefully.

your dominant sign is scorpio. you may have trust issues and be quite of a loner, yet once you commit to someone, you'll be in for a long ride. you are very deep, both mentally and emotionally. you may struggle with power control, as you may have the perception that people are trying to take advantage of you due to your insecurities. because of that, you may also get quite possessive and bossy.

your dominant element is water. you're very intuitive and empathetic, you care a lot about others, and you may seem like a healer to people you know. in fact, you always try to help them if you can, almost in a therapeutic way. you're also very spiritual, and you're attracted to anything related to discovering your higher self and soul purpose.

🌎 ascendant in gemini, 15° / 2nd decan ruled by mercury and venus

you enjoy communicating and intellectualism. you’re very curious about everything that surrounds you. you love expanding your knowledge, ideas and mind in general through communication, interactions and media. you have the ability to adapt quickly to new situations; your mind is fast, usually impulsive, and this energy may be particularly prominent; you have lots of fire energy too, which makes you very straight-forward. you're rarely afraid to say or do what you think. this placement also helps you being adaptable to changes, even though you may only be able to see it after a few years if you manage to balance it well. you may also be able to match the energy of the people you’re talking to in order to be perceived as more likeable and connect with everyone on a deeper level. you may be so focused on making up your emotions, that you could forget to feel them, though. this may eventually cause crisis in an individual. you may be fond of books, poetry, literature… both writing and reading. it’s also a way to let yourself tune to your emotions. since you’re constantly mentally active, physically you may also tend to play with your fingers or hair, or maybe you tend to gesticulate while you speak. appearance-wise, I assume you’re at least of average height, with long limbs and fingers. you have something small about your face; you may either have a small nose, or eyes, lips etc. same thing goes for your bones. you may be naturally skinny. you also tend to look younger than you actually are, especially when growing up. I also see you having a square face with high cheekbones. overall, your bones are very prominent and you could gain muscle easily. your eyes are extremely magnetic, and they could also be quite big and/or round. you might have either very pale skin, or just an olive skintone. sometimes, even a mix of both. your hair, eyebrows and lashes are very thick and dark too.

🌞 sun in scorpio, 22° / 3rd decan ruled by pluto and the moon

you're quite of a loner, you prefer spending time alone rather than with others. you're extremely intuitive, and you can read people like a book; they can't lie or keep secrets from you, you'll surely find out. you're pretty charismatic, and paired with your wise intellect it's hard not to agree with your ideas, especially considering that your ascendant is in the intelligent gemini. you're basically a leader, a very demanding one. you have high standards regarding everything: clothes, food, goals, people... you're always striving for the best, you don't want to settle down. on the other hand, even though it may take you a while to find someone worth of your affection, once that someone shows up you'll stay with them forever. you're deeply loyal, and also caring in your own way. that's because you value feelings, you can easily smell when someone isn't trustworthy. you're probably very protective of your friends and loved ones in general, sometimes even too much. this could even escalate and become a more serious issue, as scorpio is also the planet of obsession, after all. it's common for you to feel your emotions x2, as they're too intense to handle. you know everything about others, but you don't show off and gossip about it. actually, you keep the info for yourself and use it when you need it. you're a sort of strategic cia agent, and your moon being in aries confirms this.

scorpio sun square leo mars: you’re extremely passionate about the things you love, you strive to be perfect at them, and it's actually a beneficial placement for you considering that you could be quite superficial at times due to your gemini rising. this could make you quite competitive, as both your scorpio sun and aries moon want to succeed and be always right. I feel like you don’t really enjoy being in the spotlight; you’d rather avoid conflicts, or at least not be the center of them. yet, sometimes it’s hard for you not be aggressive. I don’t think it happens often, but you can be very blunt and rude if someone truly gets on your nerves. this, paired up with your mars being in leo, makes you sort of dramatic. as long as you don’t react like this too often, I don’t think it’s a big issue though.

scorpio sun conjunct scorpio jupiter: this placement makes you more easy-going and kind-hearted than the typical scorpio sun. you have a warm personality. you could still value alone time a lot, but you're definitely more talkative than other scorpio suns. I imagine that, once you get to know people, you become very outgoing. you always try to make people feel comfortable and, in addition, this placement also makes you particularly considerate of others. you have a knack for religion, spirituality and just knowledge in general. you have strong beliefs, and you're most probably very open-minded as well. the negative side of this mostly-beneficial placement is that you may be subconsciously too confident in yourself, resulting arrogant or selfish. it's alright to praise yourself of course, but you may start to look down on people who don't share your same interests, opinions etc. you can't repress this side of yourself of course, but try not to show it with people around you if it causes you problems.

🌙 moon in aries, 16° / 2nd decan ruled by mars and the sun

you aim for greatness. this is where your strong desire to be the #1 comes from, pretty much. you're very proud of yourself, and you don't like to acknowledge your mistakes. you always want to look like you have your life together, even in certain moments when you feel lost. I would say that this is a sort of self-sabotaging mechanism, as you can literally go as far as forcing a smile if it shows the world that you can stand by yourself. overall, I would say you deal with your emotions in a very 'child-like' way; after all, aries is pretty self-centered. you tend to preserve yourself more, unless someone really special to you is involved. in fact, aries moon makes you really protective of your loved and trusted ones, even though they're not many because of your high standards. you're also very honest, you speak from your heart. while it's a positive trait, you may be too blunt and ruin your relationships because of that. you're both smart and fast, hence you may get annoyed when people mishear or misunderstand your words

🗣 mercury in scorpio, 6° / 1st decan ruled by pluto

you're extremely blunt and straight-forward, you may actually hurt people with your words. you probably lack diplomacy, and you're very realistic. the thing is, you speak the truth, but not everyone can accept it. that's why your behaviour is so controversial. though, since your mercury is also conjunct venus, I assume you could manifest this side of you only when you react by impulse, when you're angry. otherwise, you try to be as well-spoken as possible. you speak fluent sarcasm, and that could annoy people who don't understand your sense of humor. you're probably good at lying, and even manipulating people. you may often make others change their mind just with your own words, but be careful not to use this skill to hurt others, or you'll only experience a sense of guilt and overall the bad sides of it. on the other hand, you're an extremely captivating speaker, you'd be successful at anything that involves the use of words and voice. you're truly intuitive, and it's easy for you to understand when someone is being honest or is lying to you. last but not least, you're very secretive as well. you're probably the type to know everything and anything about others, while you remain a mystery.

scorpio mercury conjunct scorpio venus: with this placement, you may have some struggles to open yourself to the world, but since you have a very strong aries moon, I don't think that you’re insecure that your thoughts and ideas may be judged negatively by others. you're very opinionated, and you usually don't (and can't) bottle up your feelings. this aspect is mostly positive, though! you’re probably a good singer, or at least you have a very calm tone of voice that is pleasant to hear. you’re able to see both sides of an argument, hence you may be good at helping people making up. you could actually be suited for psychology! you may also earn money through your voice and thoughts, so you could be a writer, a journalist, an actress, a singer etc. this placement assures that you may be sociable, or at least that you have great social skills.

❤️ venus in scorpio, 4° / 1st decan ruled by pluto

this placement is extremely intense; you have very high standards when it comes to love. you're a passionate, loyal lover, but at the same times you also want and need a lover that is willing to go as far as you go with your feelings. you may often test your partner to see if they're worthy of your love, for example. you have this sort of self-destructive behaviour that makes people stressed, just because you have extreme trust issues and you feel the need to control everyone, especially if 'everyone' is your lover. you find yourself being more attracted to 'darker' types; that is, you may be into bad boys / girls, someone with an edgy / grunge aesthetic. I've noticed that many scorpio venus individuals have a thing for people wearing leather jackets, for example. you're probably into the idea of that passionate, even kinky love, despite being quite afraid of opening up to others. you despise too much intimacy, especially since you may often attract and / or fall for self-centered players that don't care about the intensity and purity of your feelings. as I've already mentioned above, you may have a few trust issues that lead you into being extremely jealous and / or possessive. you could even get quite stalker-ish at times, but in the best way possible of course. that isn't because you want to take over your partner's life, but you need to feel secure and understand whether you're dedicating your time and your heart to the right person or you're just wasting yourself. a betrayal would hurt you deeply, as you'd literally die for the one you love.

☄️ mars in leo, 20° / 3rd decan ruled by the sun and jupiter

praise and success are what motivate you the most. your main goal in life is being praised for achieving your goals, you wouldn't feel motivated without compliments. therefore, you put energy in things that make you feel confident and noticed, as you enjoy being seen. for example, if you feel confident when wearing make-up and a good dress, you could spend hours in the bathroom to look how you want. you are very creative, you get an energy boost through creative outlets, and hence your hobbies (reading, writing, dancing, singing, drawing, etc.) recharge your battery. this placement also makes you very extra, especially with people you're close to. you may gesticulate a lot, you could as well enjoy mimicking others' voices. you're basically very dramatic, you seem like an actress when you react, but at least you're very fun and entertaining to watch and listen. this placement, it gives you a strong charisma that, and combined with your heavy scorpio dominance, it makes it impossible not to notice you. you could overreact from time to time, and you may also be particularly pessimistic, but above all you appear as someone very bold and strong-minded.

leo mars square scorpio jupiter: you easily come off as more assertive and arrogant than you actually are. you say things impulsively, and sometimes you’re too blunt and hurt people’s feelings. you don’t do it on purpose, though, there’s no malice behind your acts; it’s just your natural way to express your opinions. you’re also very competitive, and this may make you look selfish. on a positive side, you probably have a naturally nice body (or maybe you react fast to diets/workout). you’re a risk-taker, and if you’re not you should try breaking the rules sometimes (obviously not doing illegal stuff lol). in fact, it’s when you’re both physically and mentally active that you’re able to come up with even better ideas, as you’re full of creativity. to cope with this placement, you can try doing something fun to challenge your mind, basically get out of your comfort-zone. of course you don’t have to overdo it, but it would be beneficial.

🏡 houses, interceptions

your 1st house is in gemini. your ego feels fulfilled when you express your opinions, ideas and creativity. people probably see you as an intelligent, wise individual. maybe even as a know-it-all. you care about both your inner and outer self, which may be the cause of your confidence issues. you try to fit into society, and you tend to change your approach to people based on who you’re interacting with. while this gives you great social skills, it may confuse you quite a bit. in fact, you may forget who you are. you may often have identity crisis, especially since you always feel as if you have to fit somewhere. with the ruler of the 1st house in the 6th house, you may have a career that involves your physical appearance, or just your identity in general. people recognize you for your unique personality, and probably also because of your looks. you could also have to interact with other people during your job, or perhaps you may work as a helper or healer of any kind.

your 2nd house is in cancer. your family, home and cultural background may play a big role in your finances. you may earn money through your family’s business, or maybe you actually work with your family. you may also work from home, especially online/through social media. your adaptability is your greatest strenght; you’re probably good at a different variety of jobs, hence it may not be hard for you to find something to cope before deciding your definite career. this also confirms that your values, self-worth and security were shaped by your roots, childhood and family. the ruler of the 2nd house is in the 11th house; having a dream, a goal to pursue and working hard for it is a great help to boost your self-esteem and be more self-aware. you may actually make money out of it, you could pursue the career of your dreams and earn a nice income from it. the 11th house also rules friendship, hence you could have many wealthy friends, or perhaps they help you feeling more confident. you’re probably way more sociable when you’re in their company.

your 3rd house is in cancer again. your parents were probably successful in school and university, and they passed down their knowledge to you. maybe, you may have the same interests or passions as them, or perhaps they want you to be academically successful just like them. you may also find yourself talking about your memories, as you’re very attached to them, or even directly about your childhood/parents. you also have your mars placed in this house: you are very intellectually active. you always feel the need to be mentally stimulated, and you could do that by watching interesting tv series, reading books, particular blogs, etc. you never get tired, you could go on doing what you like for hours and hours. you're also a very fast-thinker, it's easy for you to come up with new and astute solutions. the ruler of the 3rd house is in the 6th house: your job may involve communication, you'll most probably interact with other people in your future career. or maybe, you might write stuff, hence you could be a writer, a journalist, etc. possibly, you would do well as a therapist too. you may also communicate through artistic outlets, hence you could be an actess, a singer, etc. also, you could often have to do short trips to reach your college / work place, perhaps in a bus for example.

your 4th house is in leo. your family had great expectations for you, which eventually led to anxiety/self-esteem issues. on the other hand, your parents cared about you, and they always made sure they let you have everything you needed. if you have siblings, you were most likely the favourite child in the family, or at least you were spoiled by your parents, both with material things and affection. the ruler of the 4th house, the sun, is in the 6th house: you may end up following your parents' same steps when it comes to school and / or work, or even health. you could inherit a disease from them, for example. you might have also been a very active and healthy kid, perhaps you used to eat a lot and didn't gain weight, or you've always done sport in your life. you could also find a job in your birth country / city, or perhaps you won't move farther than that, I don't see you going abroad.

your 5th house is intercepted in the sign of libra, with the cusp falling in virgo. you're a very creative individual, yet you may struggle to let this side of you out. you're more introspective in a kind of sense, and you tend to keep your hobbies and talents private from the world. that's probably because you're very critical of yourself, you strive for perfection, and hence you feel like you can't show what you can do to the world until you become perfect. in fact, since virgo is in the cusp of the house, people may actually judge you for your interests, hobbies, who you date, how you spend your spare time, etc. or at least you fear others' criticism. that can make you too insecure, and you end up planning things too much, which isn't required at all when it comes to creativity. you may as well come across creative blockages, you can't seem to fully express your talents. to cope with this interception, I'd suggest you to start considering a career in a creative field. actually, it would be very beneficial for you to turn a hobby into a job. you always feel a very strong sense of duty that prevents you from truly letting your inner child out, so why not kill two birds with one stone? it would be beneficial both for your finances and also your health, as you find pleasure in your hobbies. it would become pleasant for you to work, your mood would instantly get way better.

your 6th house is scorpio, with pluto, the sun, venus, mercury and jupiter placed here as well. you may be passionate about routine, self-care, health and work, to the point that it looks (and feels) obsessive. you may attract enemies in your daily life, e.g co-workers that are jealous of your ambition. you might have to undergo different changes in your routine and health throughout your life, which can literally transform you both physically and emotionally. this placement usually makes it hard for you to have a healthy routine, and you may have the tendency to overwork yourself. you could even have bad luck at work, but thanks to venus and jupiter this energy is mitigated, and you may actually find pleasure in working. in fact, your job is your #1 source of money and success. this placement also indicates that you'll work in a creative, artistic field. possibly, you may also work with beauty. last but not least, venus also points out that you may often date someone from your work place or routine in general. for example, you may meet someone that catches your eye at the supermarket, or even at the gym. the ruler of the 6th house is in the 6th house: you may have pets, or even work with them. you take care of your health, especially to work. you may also work as a doctor with plutonian traits; hence, you could be a psychologist, a therapist etc. in fact, since your sun is also placed here, your life revolves around receiving help and helping others, and that could happen not just by becoming a doctor, but even in more artistic ways. for example, you could become a singer that heals and helps people with their lyrics, or a poet that finds comfort in poetry.

your 7th house is in sagittarius. you want your marriage to be a constant travel for you, in which you can both relax and learn. you want to marry a witty and impulsive partner, that is also fun to live with. you may often find yourself falling for unavailable people, either physically or emotionally (or even both). jupiter, the ruler of this house, is in the 6th house. you'll most likely meet your future spouse at your work place. you could pursue the same career, they could be a customer of yours... or perhaps, you could meet them in your everyday life, and hence if you attend college you could meet them there, or perhaps in a gym, at the supermarket, on the bus, etc. any place that you frequent daily.

your 8th house is in capricorn, with both neptune and uranus sitting there. you may be prone to die old, and you may feel attracted to people that are older or more established than you. you are most probably going to have a peaceful death, yet it could be unexpected though. or maybe, you’re surrounded by unpredictable events of loss of any kind in your life. you’re fascinated by the occult, and you may even be/been able to talk to dead people. you’re very intuitive, and it’s easy for you to read through people’s words. you may as well have prophetic dreams. with the ruler of the 8th house in the 10th house, you may be known for your successful career, maybe you may actually get popular easily. this is a beneficial placement for people that want to be recognized/famous, as you naturally have the celebrity vibe and charisma to you. you may also prefer working alone rather than in groups or in an association. you could earn lots of money from your job, even though I don't see you being totally independent. you may work under a boss for example, or perhaps you get successful thanks to others' support, for example you could have some fans that help you boost your career.

your 9th house is in capricorn. you have a pragmatic approach to philosophy, school and experiences in general. for example, you may be the type to plan every day of a travel. at school, you were probably the type to prefer more logical subjects, but I assume that you were good at all of them. this placement could possibly make one close-minded, but I don't think it's exactly your case due to your gemini rising. it may be hard for you to be flexible and rely on intuition rather than logic, but I don't see you beng close-minded. last but not least, you may also have a knack for philosophy, poetry, literature, history… anything that can open your mind and stimulate your creativity. this is also a placement that indicates that your father or someone from your family in general may be foreign, or at least they’re able to speak a different language. they could also be from a different culture. with the ruler of the 9th house being in the 10th house, you may pursue a career that involves travelling, foreign languages, culture, etc. perhaps you may have to travel a lot for work, or perhaps you'll actually move abroad to pursue your career. you may also work as a writer, a philosoper, or even as a teacher or professor.

your 10th house is in aquarius. you want to stand out from the crowd, you strive to establish your own morals and beliefs. you don’t want to conform to anything and anyone, as you’re a trend-setter and you want to be seen as such. you’d rather have a job where you can handle your work yourself, rather than having a boss. you also have saturn placed in this house, in its natural place. saturn usually brings seriousness to the matters of the house it is placed in, but since this is the house of work, it's definitely a beneficial placement. you have leadership qualities, you know how to organize your job, you're very precise, and you work hard for your own success. in fact, even though at first you may have some troubles finding a stable job due to aquarius in the house cusp, saturn gives you the possibility to become successful later in life. you'll probably start being very lucky at work after your saturn return, that is after your 27/28s. the ruler of the 10th house is in the 8th house: you could earn money from someone else's finances, for example your customers may pay you directly, you don't get paid by a boss. you could have a shop or brand by your own for example, or maybe you could be involved in the 8th house matters: astorlogy, tarots, thrillers, etc.

your 11th house is intercepted in the sign of aries, with the cusp of the house falling in pisces. the moon is also intercepted. the 11th house is the house of friends and long-term goals, dreams. with this house being intercepted, you may find yourself not being able to have a dream for the future. or perhaps you do have one, or even more the one, but you struggle to make them come true. the intercepted moon makes you constantly indecisive, you can't seem to figure out your emotions and needs, and you end up keeping all of your dreams for yourself, without nurturing them. you could actually dream so much that you forget that there's a limit, and that you need to do something concrete in the real world. now that you're aware of this problem, though, it's up to you to solve it or not. you can always work hard and start thinking more about your future. since the ruler of the intercepted 11th house is in the 8th, I assume that it would be beneficial for you to clear up your mind through spiritual tools like astrology, tarots, meditation, etc., it would help you finding out who you want to be in the future. you just need to be ambitious and hard-working, which is something you most likely are due to your mars influence, but you may struggle to let all of your potential out.

lastly, your 12th house is in the sign of taurus. you’re secretly sensitive and affectionate, but you may have issues finding it out at first. in fact, the center of your life is your own intellectuality, these venusian traits are probably yet to develop. you may feel attracted to spirituality, but you’re quite lazy to actually dive into it. the moon sitting here indicates that you probably hide your feelings from others, probably out of fear. or maybe, you do it subconsciously; you’re quite secretive, but maybe because you don’t know how to get in touch with your feelings. using tools like meditation, astrology etc. are important for you to understand what you truly need from life. your 12th house’s ruler is in the 6th house: getting in touch with your hidden, subconscious and higher self will be crucial to help you feel healthier and more decisive in your life. you may be interested in topics like astrology, psychology etc. most likely to get to know yourself, but your chart points out that you could easily turn these hobbies into a job! this placement may also indicate that you may develop a disease some time in your life that could be hidden at first, so I'd recommend you to visit the doctor's regularly just in case.

❤️ love life, soulmates

in love, you attract sagittarius, pisces, scorpio and libra placements. your future spouse may also have heavy aquarius /scorpio energy, or maybe some placements in those signs. you need someone who’s different, that stands out. you could want your partner to have a particular style, for example. someone that deep down is veey sensitive, but that can also stand up for themselves with no hesitation. you’re also into the magnetic, sexy type. you’re looking for someone independent, but that wouldn’t mind dedicating their time to you. you may feel unlucky in love, as your sagittarius descendant makes you attract people that are usually unavailable, whether it’s physically (they’re abroad) or emotionally. you may marry someone of a different culture/country/religion from yours. you may also meet and marry abroad. or perhaps, you may meet at your workplace as I’ve already mentioned before. your children will most probably have very prominent venus energy, hence libra or taurus; they’ll love to be spoiled with affection, they’ll love material things like toys, food, clothes etc. but they’ll also be very mannered and elegant. they could also have virgo placements, and hence they'll also be hard-working and intelligent. they could have an excellent health status too.

👶🏻 family life

your mother is probably very hard-working, and she has a strong role in your family. she loves being spoiled and appreciated, together with receiving attention. she may have leo placements, or any fire placement in general. your father is a bit colder than your mother, and he might be an aquarius or have any type of air/capricorn placement in his chart. if you have siblings, they’re probably cancers/water signs. if you’re the elder sibling, you probably used to take care of them to help your mother. on the other hand, if you’re younger, than your siblings were the ones who nurtured you with your parents. your childhood might have been confusing, probably filled with unpredictable events. your parents may be divorced, or their different personalities confused you, as you didn’t know whose morals were the best to adopt. there could have also been power struggles between your parents, and they influenced your childhood deeply. you may find yourself coping with this problem through work, maybe even overworking yourself. basically, you feel the need to nurture your mind alone.

📊 career

this was honestly the part of the reading I was looking forward to write! your chart indicates that you have great skills in different things, and you have the potential to become highly successful in a variety of fields. as I’ve already mentioned before, your vocation involves healing people using words, hence you may write inspiring songs or books, or maybe you may actually work in the medical field as a therapist or nurse of any kind. you may also do well as something that involves creativity and arts, and you may find yourself indecisive about what career path to choose exactly because of your different skills. you could also become a tarot reader, a medium, an astrologer... your chart definitely points out to that. from my point of view, I’d suggest you to choose the career you find the most fulfilling for yourself and for your interests. for example, let’s suppose you love writing; you find pleasure in doing that, but of course when you’re in the mood to do it. turning it into a job could lead you to do it everyday, and you could grow out of it, but that’s entirely based on how you perceive it. some people can’t mix their hobbies and jobs, others feel the need to find a job that matches their interests. whatever you choose, I still see you doing great regarding work, so take your time to find what really pleases you. just remember the keywords: healing and communication.

👗 fashion sense, style analysis

you may have lots of dark, edgy clothes in your wardrobe, from leather to animal prints. you could possibly also fancy velvet in your clothes. your style is mostly quite classy and feminine, but still with a touch of boldness to it. as for the colors, I assume you also enjoy wearing darker shades, from dark blue, purple, burgundy… to just directly black. you could possibly be fond of total-black fits too.

👁 past life, life purpose

in your past life, you were a very spiritual individual. you were close to your higher self, and you probably were able to talk to ghosts, you used to interpret your dreams and you most likely were also interested in astrology and other occult matters. in this lifetime, you need to put your spirituality aside for a while, and focus on finding out your identity here on the earth. you can still use spirituality to find out, but your priority is learning your karmic lessons regarding your self-esteem and work. you’ll finally be able to reach happiness and fulfill your soul when you start having an organized schedule, which allows you to balance both your hobbies and work.

🤔 major transits interpretation / sept 16th

next year juno, the asteroid of marriage, is going to be conjunct your vertex point, which indicates a point of destiny in a birth chart. that means that you may meet someone that could eventually end up becoming your spouse. or at least, it means that you’ll finally be able to take a decision and commit to something relevant in your life. it may be a job, a lifestyle etc. anything that you need to feel serene. this year is quite intense for you, as it’s a transitional phase filled with transformation and unpredictable events. you’ll get out of it as a stronger person, though, especially since you’re going to have your jupiter return next year. it will be a very positive and lucky period for you, so hang in there! always see the good that is in the bad.

🧿 manifest what you want, secret skills

with your water dominance, you probably have a 6th sense. you’re able to manifest what you want if you subconsciously predict it, even though it may be hard. you’d have to get in touch with your higher self to do so, hence I’d suggest you not to manifest in this lifetime, or at least not too much, as it’s not apart of your life purpose. you can try listening to your own affirmations while you sleep, as you won’t be consciously aware of that. it’s probably the most effective way.

and this is the end! thank you again for purchasing a reading, I hope it resonated with you! :)

[sassysatsuma]

Don’t Forget About Me - Ghost/Bones

"Hey, hey Without you there's holes in my soul Hey, hey Let the water in

Where ever you've gone? How, how, how? I just need to know That you won't forget about me Where ever you've gone? How, how, how?

I just need to know That you won't forget about me Lost through time and that's all I need So much love, then one day buried Hope you're safe, 'cause I lay you leaves Is there more than we can see? Answers for me"

Don't Forget About Me - CLOVES

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Cue a Satsuma desperately trying to stay relevant. I dunno man, something about the new Ghost reveal trailer thingy ma jig just got me dusting off the old word processor. As always, I fell into a trap of thinking about Ghost and Lara McCoy, because quite literally a decade on, I’m still writing about these lovesick fools.

I’m not sure what this is, but it was just one of those things where the picture in my head, the song and the words just knitted together and I bashed out 2000 hasty words like a woman possessed. It’s a weird mash up of Modern Warfare 2019 (we’re on the eve of new Ghost dropping), Caught in the System AU where Lara and Riley never stop being a thing and old school Modern Warfare 2. I’m just as confused as you are.

Dedicated as always to my muse and my love @smashinterrupted because she inspires me to write even when she doesn’t know about it. Also because she puts so much into the friendships and communities she cares about, which is just you know, all kinds of beautiful.

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On a painfully average Tuesday, Lara feels her heart beat again.

It's been a dismal February, grey and filled with thick welling clouds that by now seem perpetually hung in a snow white sky. The start of a new decade, although with January all but a memory the world's eagerness for a fresh start has faded. The new decade is more of an afterthought now, just another chance for likes and validation. The magazines might have dropped their “New Year, New You” bullshit for another year, but social media is still filled with ten year challenges and glow ups set amongst its usual materialistic fakery. For most, it's an annoyance, seeing selfie after selfie clog their feed. For the people who are struggling to move forwards, each fresh, light hearted post cuts as deep as the last.

Lara is a creature of habit although in truth she no longer remembers if she has been all along or if the army made her this way. Regardless, almost every afternoon she finds herself here, queuing in her local coffee shop for the biggest, most caffeinated beverage money can buy. It's her daily ritual, a blessed half hour of peace and quiet before she has to return to Sandhurst Military Academy and somehow teach the officers of tomorrow to be better than she ever was.

It's oddly mild for February, but the constant fine drizzle outside chases away any hopes for Spring. Inside the packed coffee shop it's sweltering, a humid, artificial warmth that has her shrugging off her khaki jacket and tying it around her waist. Anywhere else and she'd look quite the sight, dressed fully in her army fatigues, trousers tucked dutifully into her standard issue black boots. But here, she blends in. She prefers it in almost every way, her desire to stand up and be counted long since passed.

The barista doesn't even bother to ask for her order, greeting her with a soft smile that he reserves for polite regulars. Barely minutes later, her to go cup is clasped between her sweaty palms and she turns on her heel, bracing herself for another afternoon teaching at an institution she no longer truly believes in.

It's in that moment when her heart threatens to burst from her chest.

If she'd been alone, she would have been so sure that she was hallucinating, the face that greets her one she's spent the past 4 years so terrified that she'd forget. But they're flesh and blood as they stand in front of her, customers bustling around them in a way that tells her that this can't be anything but real.

Simon Riley, dressed in civvie clothes that still somehow manage to look so alien, even after all this time. His face is weathered, more scarred and a little older than the man she remembers. And yet the look in his eyes takes her back in an instant, brown irises that look at her as though she's all that matters.

He's a ghost in every sense. There hasn't been a moment in 4 years where she hasn't grieved for him.

Right now, it's all she can do to put her coffee down onto something solid before she drops it.

"Bones..." His voice his hoarse and he visibly swallows before her, nervous hands hanging idly by his sides. His dark hair is slicked down with rain, whilst bigger droplets pepper the exposed skin of his neck and arms. Despite the weather, he's only wearing a t shirt and jeans, the fabric betraying a body that is thicker with muscle than she remembers. There are what look to be deliberate scars littering his forearms and what little she can see of his biceps but she's not even sure she wants to know why they are there.

Lara quickly realises that she's been staring dumbfounded and silent. She swallows, her throat drier than it has any reason to be. There's a part of her that just wants to run forward and hold him, but it exposes a vulnerability she doesn't dare show. Instead her brow furrows, her voice stronger than she feels when she finally does speak.

"...How?"

Riley looks at her as though it's the hardest question in the world.

Maybe it is.

"Outside." The word comes out like an order, an echo of the man she met when she first joined the 141. It's unfair how she feels it like a kick to the stomach, memories she's fought to repress suddenly flooding her mind. She's sure that she doesn't let it show and yet somehow, Riley softens, barely. He cocks a head towards the door. "Please?"

Her feet decide for her, her coffee long since abandoned along with some confused teenagers.

Outside, she barely feels the rain, despite her jacket still hanging around her waist. She folds her arms, grasps her biceps in a way that somehow feels like the right thing to do, although not for a moment do her eyes leave Riley. She falls in step beside him as he leads her to the shelter of a nearby bus stop, her fingernails biting into her skin to fight the intense desire to reach out and touch him.

"I thought you were dead." It appears stating the obvious is the place where her mouth chooses to take over and begin.

"It was safer that way." Riley shrugs, although it's by no means as confident a gesture as he intends. "Price wasn't the only one to get his name dragged through the mud that day." There's another name missing from his admission, but Lara knows him well enough to know that he'd never want to give voice to MacTavish and the black mark they put against his name. Not even now, when the world knows the truth of it, a truth their Captain fought and ultimately died for. "I needed to disappear. No better way of doing that than dying."

'You could have told me,' Lara says to herself, though she knows better than to give the words voice. Her heart hates his decision, but her head understands. Would have likely done the same even when she would have had a family to mourn her. For Ghost, she was his only family. Instead, she leans back against the bus shelter, the sole of a boot propped against the shoddy plastic wall. "You still haven't told me how."

"I don't..." She can almost feel the crack in Riley's voice, but he swallows it back expertly. Instead he runs a hand through the wet tangle of dark brown hair atop his head, grimacing as he struggles to find the words. "I was... lucky." The word rolls off his tongue with an air of disgust. "Shepherd slotted Roach... right there in front of me. Shot me too but it didn't put me away the way he expected. I played dead in the dirt like a fucking possum, wondering if any of it was worth it. I don't know what made me finally crawl away. I came back for him, but by then... they'd taken care of him with all the others, Makarov's men, the lot. I threw my mask in the fire and figured it was better if everyone thought I was gone."

It's too much, the grim resignation in his voice, an almost monotone quality that fights to mask the emotion behind the words that leave his mouth. Lara can feel anger stirring in her gut, her heart panging with the same pain that had hit her that morning she'd woken up from surgery, away from the 141 and out of the fight. It's all too easy to picture, her eyes welling up with tears for the little brother she'd found in Roach. It crushed her the moment she found out they were all gone, but it's no easier now hearing it from Riley all over again.

He notices before she can try and look away, practised eyes reading her the exact same way they always have. It's another reminder of everything she's been missing, another stab at her gut that somehow isn't soothed by his presence beside her. Tears slip from her eyes and she swipes at them with frustrated hands, turning from him in a mix of shame and confusion.

His touch is a question. A hand reaches for her shoulder, a gentle squeeze of pressure that is more timid than anything they've ever shared. It feels like an unknown, like they're right back where they started except this time they are both fragments of the people they once were.

There's so much to say; her thoughts a chasing whirlwind that clouds her mind. She hasn't the words to even begin to express them. She wants to feel anger, wants to thrash and scream and punish him for every empty feeling she's had since he's been gone.

But she can't. Maybe one day she will, when the tempest in her mind has finally calmed and she can think clearly again. Now, the only tangible emotions she feels are the pain of losing everything and the complete and utter relief that he's found her again.

Her heart is his. Despite everything, that's the one thing that's never changed.

She spins around before her head can tell her no, arms wrapping around a neck they'd never dreamed to hold again. They're both off balance, stumbling backwards clumsily until Riley's back presses against the plastic wall. His hands fall to her hips, a familiar weight that threatens to choke her as she closes the distance between them.

The kiss is messy, a jumble between two people fighting to take as much of each other in as possible. Teeth and noses clash and they move clumsily against each other, hands gripping fearfully as though they could drift at any second. It's everything she's forgotten and nothing she remembers all at once.

She breaks away breathless, eyes closed as she rests her forehead against his. She can feel his heart hammering against her own, doesn't dare speak in case she ruins everything with the wrong words. Outside the shelter, the rain is falling heavier now, beating off the tarmac in a steady rhythm. She wishes that the white noise would swallow them both.

"I'm sorry." It's barely a whisper, but Riley's apology is there, brushing against her lips. It's enough to shake her from her thoughts, and she takes a cautious step from him, her eyes finally able to meet his. She reaches out, straightens his shirt were it lies crumpled against his skin.

"There's so much more we should say." Her hands move to his arms, tracing the foreign scars her fingertips find there as if to prove a point. He looks at her as though he doesn't even know where to start and she shakes her head, cutting him off before he even begins to try. "Are you staying?"

"... Do you want me to?"

"I never wanted you to leave." Her words are blunt, echoing the only thing she knows for sure right now. Her right hand traces his arm down to his wrist, before her fingers slip clumsily between his. The soft grip of her hand tries to convey everything she doesn't feel able to say. "Stay."

And she means it, wants it more than anything she's ever wanted before. There's so many questions, so many complications that she knows deep down it will never be easy, that they have countless hurdles laid out in front of them. She knows that talking will hurt, that memories and emotions she's buried deep will come back to haunt her as soon as he begins to answer her questions. She's under no illusions that this will be anything like a fairytale.

And yet despite that, she knows he's worth it. Knows that she's never for a second stopped loving him. Living without him was the cruellest of lessons; the hardest thing she’s ever had to do. Now that he's back she can't imagine ever wanting to feel that again. She won’t. She barely made it out alive the first time.

He's the type of ghost she never wants to stop haunting her.

[mysticsparklewings]

I’m Not Dead‪

I'm not laughin', You're not jokin' I'm not dead I only dress that way Out nowhere take me out there Far away and save me from my Self-destruction, hopeless for you Sing a song for California --My Chemical Romance, "Boy Division" ____ Have you heard?? Have you heard the news?? Well if not, I'm gonna tell ya: MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE IS BACK, BABY!!! :D On Halloween, we got the announcement that they will be playing a show in Los Angeles, California on December 20th. And just a few days ago we got the news that they're also going to New Zealand, Australia, and Japan which basically confirms to me they're doing so sort of tour, whether they actually call it that or not. There's still a lot we don't know for sure; whether this is just a one-time reunion tour or their official comeback tour, if we'll be getting new original music both at the shows and available for download/purchase or if they're just going to redo their existing music and covers, if it's only going to be the main four that were there at the end or if there will be some of the other members that were in and out over the years rejoining them...Where all they're going to go on this tour...the list goes on. But! The important thing, at least to me, is that they came back at all. Six years. Six years we've waited and hoped and prayed, been let down by false rumors and speculation...And now it's actually happening. I just... Hence why I had to make an art piece celebrating the occasion and as an excuse to talk about it. (I figure if I'm going to dump my opinions on the internet I might as well make some art to go with them. Sue me. ) Originally, I was planning on making something more along the lines of true fan art, as this is more pseudo fan art here, but I just couldn't settle on one good idea that I felt really comfortable pursuing. Although I am still considering doing an updated (or at least colored in) version of my Killjoys, Make Some Noise! (lineart) I did a couple of years ago...we'll see. Anyway. Since we did get the news on Halloween, it's worth noting that originally I'd been debating if I wanted to do any makeup this year at all or just slide on a mask since my only plans were going to Krispy Kreme, who was offering a free donut if you showed up in costume. But after the news broke, my decision was made for me. I had to. MCR isn't strictly associated with skeletons/skulls, as has become my preferred Halloween costume, but The Black Parade, their second album, does have a little skeleton as the leader of the marching band, and the band members did wear skeleton/skull inspired makeup during that time. Admittedly this year's makeup wasn't nearly as involved or elaborate as what I've done in years' past, but it beats last year's absolutely nothing. I ended up taking a few pictures to preserve the look, as I always do even though I rarely take photos of myself, and I would decide to draw one of them where I was trying to do this face that Gerard (the frontman and lead singer of the band) has made on a several occasions; this wide-eyed intense stare. Partly because this, I'm sure, is very close to my actual face when I heard the news that they're back, the makeup was inspired by them anyway, and also because it pairs very well with one of my favorite lines from my favorite song by them. Said line being, obviously, "I'm not dead I only dress that way," from Boy Division, as cited at the top of the description. If I'm being completely truthful, I can't even really put my finger on what it is about Boy Division specifically that makes it my favorite, as I've yet to hear an MCR song I truly do not like, but I think there's something in the lyrics of the full song that just sells it for me in combination with the high-energy music. But whatever the case, it is my favorite nonetheless. Beyond that though, it's really hard to place the rest of them in any coherent order because, at least to my ears, they're all really great. Anyway. So I went about drawing my face, erring slightly more on the realistic side than usually (but obviously not too much) in hopes of capturing the facial expression. Which, it's pretty good, but I do think it could've been a little better. I think my biggest problem was getting the eyebrows a mouth right, and I'm still not sure they're quite there since my real eyebrows are pretty translucent and the mouth was hard to balance between looking logical and more neutral than sad/angry. And I think maybe the proper expression was a little more apparent in the sketch, but it's pretty normal to lose some feeling between the sketch and the final product so that I won't discount too much. After that, I had to take a break from the drawing to think about how to color it in any style it and everything. I ended up transferring the sketch to Mixed Media paper after deciding I wanted to use alcohol markers as a base but not knowing if I'd need to adjust it with colored pencil and/or other mediums on top or not, and I did the lines with my Faber Castell Polychromos once I felt like just black lines would be too harsh and thinking colored lines would be better. Plus, the Polychromos are very non-reactive to water, so if I really wanted to I could add watercolor or something water-activated without having to worry about the lines getting messed up. I did not consider how the Polychromos would react to the alcohol markers, but other than one or two spots where the top layer of pencil kinda dissolved after some heavy layering (which was easily fixed by just going back over the lines in that area again really quickly), fortunately, it worked out okay. Although sweet sparkles I swear it took at least twice as long to actually do the lines as opposed to normal between having to apply enough pressure to get the right amount of color down and working on the differences inline weight.   Anyway. I was a little worried about some of the shading/effects I'd be doing with the markers, but I think I did alright with it. This mixed media paper (Strathmore 400 series for anyone who cares) is nice and thick, so I had plenty of room to layer up and blend as I needed to get the look I was going for. This came in especially handy around the eyes and on the nose when I told myself to at least try and get the colors like the photo before cheesing it and just using straight (or nearly) black. The only area that I think came out a little rough is really the skin, mainly the forehead. But that has more to do with 1. There isn't much contrast on the face in the photo so I didn't want to take it too far in the drawing and 2. I think I may have started slightly too dark for skin this pale. I realize that's a weird thing to say, but when you're pale as a ghost like I am, you'd be surprised how easy that is to do. And to be fair, I probably could've tried to adjust that with colored pencils, and my original plan was to add some white pencil on top in the areas of the face where a highlight would naturally hit (forehead, bridge of the nose, cheekbones, etc.)  But by the time I got done with the markers, I honestly felt like it was nice enough without any additional pencil that I thought it might be best to just leave it alone. Since I still have the original drawing, my thoughts may change on that and I could update this eventually, but for now, my decision stands. On the other hand, I was actually pretty pleased with how the hair turned out once it was colored. That is until I scanned it in. I don't know why, but the darkest shadows in the hair were too dark and too bluish on the scan, despite everything else looking fairly color-accurate. I fiddled with the scanner settings for a few minutes to try and fix it, but it became quickly apparent there wasn't much to be done about it at the level. Which meant I had to try making the adjustments in Photoshop. Now, I've done my fair share of scan-fixing, photo editing, and just color adjustments on digital art, but for the life of me I could not get things to work the way I wanted them to here. It became to the point I'm starting to suspect if the actual true-to-life shades of purple of the drawing are just really hard or even impossible for computers to capture and/or create accurately. Fluorescent colors fall in that category, surely they're not the only ones. In the end, after more time than I bothered to document messing around with settings and adjustments, and firmly decided I was not going to essentially manually re-color/shade the hair digitally, I tried the only other thing I could think to do. I took the hair, as I had been for all my adjustments since the rest of the colors were fine, on a separate layer and took all the saturation out so I was left with just the gray values. And I noted while I was at that point that it didn't seem to be an issue of the contrast between the shadows and the rest of the hair. The transition looked perfectly acceptable in grayscale. Then, I added a color layer on top of that one, clipped it to only show up on the hair, and changed it to an "overlay" layer so that I would get the values from the gray layer, but colored purple. It did take a couple of tries to get the right shade of purple for the color layer, and I'm sure it's still not 100% accurate to the IRL drawing, but it's a heck of a lot closer than it was. And this gets even weirder when you consider that just a few days before I made this drawing, I made a different one for a friend where I used the exact same marker colors for the hair, blended in almost exactly the same manner, on the same paper, and it didn't have this problem when I scanned that one in. I have never in my life. Anyway. The accessories actually didn't give me much trouble in drawing or coloring. Admittedly, I did tone down how many feathers and stuff are actually on the tiny hat for my own sanity's sake, and while I did my best with the lace on the choker, I don't have a ton of practice with drawing lace like this so I'm sure it could be improved. Although I did decide to color both of those areas (what I didn't draw/fill in with the pencils at the line stage) with a super dark blue-violet instead of a gray or straight black for the purpose of not totally hiding the linework I'd put in and to make it just slightly more dynamic. Which I think was a good call as it seems to tie in pretty nicely with the grayish tones on the face. Other than that though, I did try to stay fairly accurate with my color choices, and I think I did pretty well with that, all things considered. (Despite having a much larger selection than I did just a few months ago, I do still need a wider selection of alcohol markers in some areas just for the sake of color accuracy and smooth transitions.) Once my face was done, then came the text. I searched for a while, hoping to find an MCR appropriate font that I could hopefully add by hand, but my search came up empty. I did find one I really liked the look of though, called "Miserable." So I scanned the drawing in and after the aforementioned hair struggles, I got to play with the placement and structure of the words. I knew I kinda wanted something that just has that "I'm a logo/t-shirt emblem" kind of feel, and in the end, I think I got that. But I do think I could've planned out the drawing itself a little bit better in terms of the space left to fit the words into. I really didn't do myself a lot of favors on that one.   It has its problems, but I'm still really actually kind of proud of how this turned out...and that's really all I have to say about it. Eh, maybe I'm just really happy because I know why I made it in the first place. Now if MCR can just come within 1-2 hours of my location so I can actually go see them...please... ____ Artwork © me, MysticSparkleWings ____ Where to find me & my artwork: My Website | Commission Info + Prices | Ko-Fi | dA Print Shop | RedBubble |   Twitter | Tumblr | Instagram

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #229

“goddamn, need some help, ‘cuz my girlfriend’s in love with someone else.”

What would you consider to be the worst television channel out there? Idk. I don't watch TV. Are you currently sitting on your bed or some other place? Where? I'm lying in my bed. Have you ever had anyone drop off animals at your house? What kind? No. When was the last time you were somewhere that offered free Wi-Fi? Today/technically yesterday but w/e. My school offers it free, but the connection isn't strong. Do you know anyone who is on drugs? Are you personally on them? I mean, I know people with prescriptions of course. If you mean illicit drugs, yes. I don't take them. Name one interesting fact about yourself that people might not know about? Uhhhh I used to be a dancer. Do you ever have to write down a phone number to remember it, or not? Oh yeah, I don't even have my own phone number memorized. Who was the last person you talked to on an instant messaging service? Hm. Oh, Facebook says the friend of my sister whose wedding I shot. I did it like, two or three or so years ago and she wanted to know if I had the raw photos I took, and I'd literally JUST cleaned out my OneDrive a couple days ago, so they were deleted. Talk about bad timing. What color are your curtains? Are you satisfied with this color? Maroon. Yeah. Does your phone have texting? How many times a day do you text, estimate? Yeah, and I don't have a clue. Sara and I generally text all throughout the day. When was the last time you were stung by a bee? What kind was it? Uhhh over a year ago or something. Was the only time. It was just a bumblebee. Do you know anyone personally who had their house burn down before? Yes. Do you think the media can further manipulate our teenagers anymore? Ohhhh, I'm sure it could get even worse. Who would you consider to be your favorite American Idol on the show? I've watched so little of that show. Do you know anyone who has their septum pierced? Does it look painful? I know two, off the top of my head. And I mean, a piercing is a needle shoved into your skin. It's obviously painful to a degree. I'd imagine the septum to be more painful than a lot considering the thick cartilage. Has anyone ever complimented you on your singing? Did you believe them? Yeah, and I dunno. I don't generally like my singing voice, but I think I sing some songs okay. Do you know someone who constantly tries to embarrass you on all occasions? Omg no, I could never handle someone like that with how poorly I handle embarrassment. Has anyone ever kissed you in the rain? Did it seem romantic at the time? Yeah, and I guess, only really because it's an "accepted" thing as romantic. Something you're taught young. What is one part on your body that hurts at this moment, if anything? Nothing, at the moment. What was the last song you listened to? Did you enjoy this song? This metal medley I adore of Shadow of the Colossus pieces is on rn. What is your heritage? Do you have a bunch of mixed heritages? German, Irish, and Polish. When was the last time you listened to a genre of you music you despise? I didn't really *listen* to it, but some ass was blaring his rap music in FYS today. Have you ever tried the cinnamon challenge? NO, do NOT. That shit is noooot a joke. People have died. Do you ever countdown to anything? Not really, at least not seriously. Who was the last person to visit your house besides family? A friend of mine and Mom's, Randy. My rat Mitsu apparently fell or something, and her teeth were knocked crooked, and they became grossly overgrown and had to be clipped. He works at a wildlife rehab clinic and is overall just real experienced with animals. It was so awful though, seeing her like that. He's coming over about once a month now to keep them clipped; he's quite sure she has... damn, what was it? Metabolic bone disease (very common in rats), I think, that will push her teeth to keep growing. I can't remember exactly what he said, but. Are you allowed to watch rated R movies? I'm... nearing 24, lmao. How many bedrooms are in your house? Two. Do you see more of your mom or dad’s side of the family more? Mom's. I see both very rarely since they live states away, but yeah, Mom's. I haven't seen anyone in Dad's fam since I was a little kid. Are there any tattoos that you really want to get? lol got a few hours to talk? Do you really believe that everyone has a soul mate? Definitely not. You are compatible with sooooo many people. Do alligators scare you? I mean I wouldn't walk in front of one or anything, but as animals themselves, no. I think they're cool as fuck. Dinosaurs, man. Do you have abs? *ugly wheezing laughter* Have you ever been in detention? Twice I think, but only for too many tardies arriving at school. Do you believe in vampires? Uh no. Can you play the guitar? Not anymore. Have you ever kissed someone while they were dating someone else? Wow, no. Do you like hot dogs? Sadly. Are glasses a turn on or turn off for you? I don't care. Do you have a hot tub? Darling we poor. Would you ever try one of those dating websites? I like to pretend that one time NEVER fucking happened. I very much doubt I would again. Do you like to be tickled? Ew no don't. When’s the last time you flew a kite? Not since I was little. Do you ever take a bath and eat food at the same time? ... Does anyone do that?? Do you hate long surveys? No, I prefer them. I just do them over time. Gives me something to do... and I also don't spam where I share them. Do you like the taste of blood? UM no. Has anyone ever given you flowers? Yeah. When was the last time you swam in a lake? Wowie, I couldn't possibly guess. Who was the first friend you made in Junior High? That's a good question. Maybe Hannia? If you could learn any language, what would it be? GERMAN. I wanna be fluent. When was the last time someone asked you your age? Uhhh idk. Have you ever been on a train? No. Has anyone ever tried to physically fight you? No, but one girl literally told me she almost punched me. I used to hate her more than anyone in the world because she's Jason's ex and really hurt him, and yet now we're friends, lmao. Oh, how things can change. When was the last time you were angry? Last night because my headache wouldn't fuck off. What’s your worst subject in school? Math. I'm failing like, badly. What’s your favorite genre of music? Metal. Have you ever been called too skinny? OH MOST DEFINITELY NOT. Do you prefer analog or digital clocks? Analog clocks are way more aesthetically pleasing, but digital are more convenient. Do you have any stickers decorating your computer? Bruh I have tape, get on my fckng level. Tell me about the last nightmare you remember having. It was about seeing my grandma, who's really beginning to suffer from her chemo. What snacks do you usually get at the cinemas? Popcorn and a drink, then rarely a candy. Usually Sour Patch Kids. What scent is the deodorant you use? That's. A good question. I haven't payed attention. What did you last receive in the mail? The book Sara sent me. What is your favorite kind of fruit? Strawberries. How far away do you live from your place of birth? Like... 10-ish minutes? Have you ever been in a police car? Only when being transferred from the ER to psyche hospitals. How do you mark through your word search puzzles? I draw a line through them. Or circle them. Depends on the font and size, really. Have you ever sewn something? Idk how to sew. Name a CD you have or one you would like to have. Ha ha, the very first CD I personally bought was the "You're Awful, I Love You" album by Ludo. When I knew like, only three songs, ahaha. Have you ever watched an episode of Barney? I loved him as a kid, so, y'know. Can you name more than five U.S. presidents? Yeah, but I definitely don't know a lot. Are any of your neighbors’ yards in desperate need of a grass cutting? No. Do you still have your tonsils? Yessir. What does your mother’s wallet look like? What about your dad’s? Idk. I don't pay attention to Mom's and I very rarely see Dad. Who was the last person you cried in front of? My mom and one of my school advisors. And people who walked into the library. Do you think your last ex will eventually want to be with you again? He may still want to be, idk. It doesn't matter though. Does your ex hate you? The only ex I have that I think might is Jason. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex that you can talk to? Girt. Does anyone call you babe? Sara sometimes. Is your school’s mascot an animal? Yes. All my schools' were, lol. What would happen if you were stuck in an elevator with the person you’ve fallen the hardest for? I don't want to imagine it. Do you think that hair extensions and colored contacts make a person fake? Oh my god. Where do your hands go during kissing? I mean that. Depends. Generally just around a person's sides. Conservative or liberal? I'm such a mix. Do you have unlimited texting? Ye. Were you ever in the spelling bee? Never been a part of one. Do you dress suggestively? No. A very explicit song you’ve listened to recently? Ahaha, "Love Rhymes With Fuck You" by Jeffree Star is on right now and it is. Intense. When did you last see someone you know in public? Errrrr good question. Do you think you’d survive if zombies took over the world? Hell no. If you were to write a novel, what would it be about? The meerkat RP I've done since I was 10. My friends and I have made novels upon novels worth of stories. Are you currently pretending to be someone’s friend? No. Are you an impatient person? YEP!!!!!!!!! Are you afraid to watch movies that have sex scenes with your friends? Friends, no. It's awkward with family, though. Who sings the last song you listened to? Jeffree Star. Have you ever had a serious issue involving your eyes? No, other than being a blind mfkr. Have you ever watched South Park? Who’s your favorite character? Yes. Don't have one as I don't really care for it. Do you have sensitive teeth? Yes. Does it bother you to get shots in the mouth? Does it hurt? Nah. And I mean at the dentist they numb you, so not really. When did you last talk seriously with one of your parents? I have no clue. Does anyone ever say they miss you often? Sara. I mean we talk all the time, but she means like, physically being there. Would you rather become a wizard or a vampire, if you had the choice? Idk. I like vampires more, but a wizard sounds funner. Have you already moved out of your parents’ house? I've talked about the apartment situation enough. Are your parents divorced, married or separated? Divorced. Have you ever thought you might just have obsessive compulsive disorder? I'm diagnosed with it. Do you think it’s rude to text someone else while on a date? YEAH. What is the funniest movie you’ve ever seen? White Chicks never fails to get me. Has one of your websites ever quit operating or shut down? Were you sad? Recently the site I used to upload large .gifs I needed to use online shut down & I'm still mega tilted. There's probably others. Who is the person you talk to the most in your house? I only live with my mom. Is there a television show out there that you never miss? No. What movie have you seen too many times to be healthy? Ha ha, The Lion King I & 2 and Finding Nemo. What is your biggest responsibility in your household? Take care of my pets. How cold did it get where you live, last winter? Idr. Very, for NC anyway. Do you ever wonder what your exes are doing? I only ever wonder about Jason. Have you ever been caught in a huge lie with your parents? Never told a biggie lie to 'em. Ever ride in a limo? When did you last do so? No. Are you sober at the time being? Yeah. Have you ever lied to someone & said they could sing when they couldn’t? Possibly? Are you more tolerant of hot or cold weather? Describe a time when you were extremely cold? Describe a time when you were extremely over-heated? I handle the cold far, FAR better. I physically cannot last very long in like, even 80 degrees. The coldest I've probably ever been was when Sara and I were walking once up at her house and it was really windy. I think the absolute most over-heated I've been was when I was taking bridal shots of my sister's friend outside in the summer for a long long time. I was nearly to the point of tears and was absolutely soaked in sweat. When we got back in the car, I literally finished at least three water bottles in a very short period of time. I think I even downed half of another. What was something weird that you did as a child? Did anyone make fun of you for it? Were there any other children you knew who did the same thing? I actually created this trend in elementary school of digging tunnels in the sandbox with my hands because I wanted to feel like a meerkat, lol. No one made fun of me, I think? And as stated it kinda became a thing, so yeah, there were others. What has been the hardest thing about growing up? What was the easiest thing about it? Was there ever a time when you wanted to stay young forever? Was there ever a time when you wished that you could be older? Accepting my mental illnesses was by far the hardest. Easiest, uh... idk. Enjoying more freedom? There was definitely a time I wanted to be a kid forever; I remember I criiiied when I got my period for the first time because I didn't feel like one anymore. Simultaneously, there were certainly times I wanted to be older. Who was the last person you yelled at? Do you often yell at this person? Are you on good terms with them again, or are you still upset with them? I practically roared at Mom for pulling the rudest shit on me like a month or so back. I definitely don't yell at her a lot. We're on good terms now, yeah. If you work, do you get along with your coworkers? Which one of them have you known the longest? Is your current place of work somewhere that you plan to stay for a long time? Sadly no, so these questions are N/A. Name three items that have much sentimental value to you. Who gave you these items, and for what occasion? Do you ever have a harder time throwing away things that people have given you? My pebble from Holly Hill, my childhood plush moose Brownie that I got in Ohio, and the stuffed meerkat Jason gave me. It's not really because of it being from him, but rather because it comforted me deeply after the break-up. The little guy is so worn from all the love I gave it. I do have a hard time getting rid of things people give me. Who do you speak with more often: your online friends, or those that you see face-to-face? Of which type of friend do you have more? Which of those friendships do you value the most? Online to all three questions. Are you often misunderstood, or do you think that people can get where you are coming from pretty well? Do you think that you have a good ability to understand others? If yes, explain? Eh, idk, really. I feel like I don't communicate how I feel well enough, but I think people understand me decently. Most, anyway. I know I'm pretty good and relating to people. When was the last time that you had a headache? What did you do, if anything, to help it feel better? Which is worse for you: headaches or stomach aches? As previously mentioned, last night. I took medicine, but it was sleep that actually helped. AND I CANNOT DEAL WITH STOMACH ACHES. Gimme a headache over that shit any day. Have you ever had a crush on someone you met online? If yes, what happened between you and that person? Do you think that online relationships are legitimate relationships? Yes, and we're dating now lol. And of course I do!! Out of all of your past friendships and romantic relationships, which one was the worst? If that person were to show up at your place, would you be willing to talk to them? Friendship: Colleen. No, I wouldn't talk to her. Romantic: Tyler, but I mean sure, I'd talk to him. Well, Jason was the traumatic one, but the *relationship*, on my end, was a fairytale. It was the breakup that was... yeah, y'all know. Yeah, I'd be willing to talk to him, but quite honestly I'd probably end up collapsing into a sobbing heap because yeah PTSD. If any, how many friends have you made in the past year? How many have you lost? Is making friends something at which you are good, or does it take you awhile to form friendships? I've made a couple friends online, and I lost none, I think anyway. I can be someone's friend very easily, but it's the trust that really takes a while. If you are 18 or older, did reaching your 18th birthday make you feel like you were an adult? If not, what moment (or moments) made you feel like you were finally maturing? I don't remember, honestly. As a kid, did your parents force you to eat everything on your plate? If you had them, how did you feel about family meal times? If you were to have children, would you have structured meals with them? Well, Mom tried, but my picky ass usually won, lol. Some days I miss family dinners, other days I'm glad to do my own thing. If I were to have kids, I'd probably want to have family dinners, really. What was the last new thing that you tried? What is something you did a long time ago that you might like to do again? I don't know. I don't try new things often. From my past... I dunno. It's too late to think of all this stuff. What is your least favorite part about going to the doctor? What about going to the dentist? Which of those people would you rather see? THE GODDAMN WAIT. My dentist is usually pretty quick, so that's not typically a problem there. Instead, I fucking hate when I have to get x-rays done because I have a very small mouth, and the things they stick in your cheeks to bite down on are always way too big for me. I have to use a size down from adults. Do you ever take care of anyone younger than you (ie. babysitting, watching a younger sibling, etc)? Do you like doing this, or does it get to be a hassle? No, and hell no.

[thetigarchives]

THE TIG ARCHIVES│BEAUTY│MORE THAN AN ‘OTHER’

“What are you?’ A question I get asked every week of my life, often every day. ‘Well,’ I say, as I begin the verbal dance I know all too well. ‘I’m an actress, a writer, the Editor-in-Chief of my lifestyle brand The Tig, a pretty good cook and a firm believer in handwritten notes.’ A mouthful, yes, but one that paints a pretty solid picture of who I am. But here’s what happens: they smile and nod politely, maybe even chuckle, before getting to their point, ‘Right, but what are you? Where are your parents from?’ I knew it was coming, I always do. While I could say Pennsylvania and Ohio, and continue this proverbial two-step, I instead give them what they’re after: ‘My dad is Caucasian and my mom is African American. I’m half black and half white.’

To describe something as being black and white means it is clearly defined. Yet when your ethnicity is black and white, the dichotomy is not that clear. In fact, it creates a grey area. Being biracial paints a blurred line that is equal parts staggering and illuminating. When I was asked by ELLE to share my story, I’ll be honest, I was scared. It’s easy to talk about which make-up I prefer, my favourite scene I’ve filmed, the rigmarole of ‘a day in the life’ and how much green juice I consume before a requisite Pilates class. And while I have dipped my toes into this on thetig.com, sharing small vignettes of my experiences as a biracial woman, today I am choosing to be braver, to go a bit deeper, and to share a much larger picture of that with you.

It was the late Seventies when my parents met; my dad was a lighting director for a soap opera and my mom was a temp at the studio. I like to think he was drawn to her sweet eyes and her Afro, plus their shared love of antiques. Whatever it was, they married and had me. They moved into a house in The Valley in LA, to a neighbourhood that was leafy and affordable. What it was not, however, was diverse. And there was my mom, caramel in complexion with her light-skinned baby in tow, being asked where my mother was since they assumed she was the nanny.

I was too young at the time to know what it was like for my parents, but I can tell you what it was like for me – how they crafted the world around me to make me feel like I wasn’t different, but special. When I was about seven, I had been fawning over a boxed set of Barbie dolls. It was called The Heart Family and included a mom doll, a dad doll, and two children. This perfect nuclear family was only sold in sets of white dolls or black dolls. I don’t remember coveting one over the other, I just wanted one. On Christmas morning, swathed in glitter-flecked wrapping paper, there I found my Heart Family: a black mom doll, a white dad doll, and a child in each color. My dad had taken the sets apart and customized my family.

Fast-forward to the seventh grade and my parents couldn’t protect me as much as they could when I was younger. There was a mandatory census I had to complete in my English class – you had to check one of the boxes to indicate your ethnicity: white, black, Hispanic or Asian. There I was (my curly hair, my freckled face, my pale skin, my mixed race) looking down at these boxes, not wanting to mess up, but not knowing what to do. You could only choose one, but that would be to choose one parent over the other – and one half of myself over the other. My teacher told me to check the box for Caucasian. ‘Because that’s how you look, Meghan,’ she said. I put down my pen. Not as an act of defiance, but rather a symptom of my confusion. I couldn’t bring myself to do that, to picture the pit-in-her-belly sadness my mother would feel if she were to find out. So, I didn’t tick a box. I left my identity blank – a question mark, an absolute incomplete – much like how I felt.

When I went home that night, I told my dad what had happened. He said the words that have always stayed with me: ‘If that happens again, you draw your own box.’

I never saw my father angry, but in that moment I could see the blotchiness of his skin crawling from pink to red. It made the green of his eyes pop and his brow was weighted at the thought of his daughter being prey to ignorance. Growing up in a homogeneous community in Pennsylvania, the concept of marrying an African-American woman was not on the cards for my dad. But he saw beyond what was put in front of him in that small-sized (and, perhaps, small-minded) town, and he wanted me to see beyond that census placed in front of me. He wanted me to find my own truth.

And I tried. Navigating closed-mindedness to the tune of a dorm mate I met my first week at university who asked if my parents were still together. ‘You said your mom is black and your dad is white, right?’ she said. I smiled meekly, waiting for what could possibly come out of her pursed lips next. ‘And they’re divorced?’ I nodded. ‘Oh, well that makes sense.’ To this day, I still don’t fully understand what she meant by that, but I understood the implication. And I drew back: I was scared to open this Pandora’s box of discrimination, so I sat stifled, swallowing my voice.

I was home in LA on a college break when my mom was called the ‘N’ word. We were leaving a concert and she wasn’t pulling out of a parking space quickly enough for another driver. My skin rushed with heat as I looked to my mom. Her eyes welling with hateful tears, I could only breathe out a whisper of words, so hushed they were barely audible: ‘It’s OK, Mommy.’ I was trying to temper the rage-filled air permeating our small silver Volvo. Los Angeles had been plagued with the racially-charged Rodney King and Reginald Denny cases just years before, when riots had flooded our streets, filling the sky with ash that flaked down like apocalyptic snow; I shared my mom’s heartache, but I wanted us to be safe. We drove home in deafening silence, her chocolate knuckles pale from gripping the wheel so tightly.

It’s either ironic or apropos that in this world of not fitting in, and of harbouring my emotions so tightly under my ethnically nondescript (and not so thick) skin, that I would decide to become an actress. There couldn’t possibly be a more label-driven industry than acting, seeing as every audition comes with a character breakdown: ‘Beautiful, sassy, Latina, 20s’; ‘African American, urban, pretty, early 30s’; ‘Caucasian, blonde, modern girl next door’. Every role has a label; every casting is for something specific. But perhaps it is through this craft that I found my voice.

Being ‘ethnically ambiguous’, as I was pegged in the industry, meant I could audition for virtually any role. Morphing from Latina when I was dressed in red, to African American when in mustard yellow; my closet filled with fashionable frocks to make me look as racially varied as an Eighties Benetton poster. Sadly, it didn’t matter: I wasn’t black enough for the black roles and I wasn’t white enough for the white ones, leaving me somewhere in the middle as the ethnic chameleon who couldn’t book a job.

This is precisely why Suits stole my heart. It’s the Goldilocks of my acting career – where finally I was just right. The series was initially conceived as a dramedy about a NY law firm flanked by two partners, one of whom navigates this glitzy world with his fraudulent degree. Enter Rachel Zane, one of the female leads and the dream girl – beautiful and confident with an encyclopedic knowledge of the law. ‘Dream girl’ in Hollywood terms had always been that quintessential blonde-haired, blue-eyed beauty – that was the face that launched a thousand ships, not the mixed one. But the show’s producers weren’t looking for someone mixed, nor someone white or black for that matter. They were simply looking for Rachel. In making a choice like that, the Suits producers helped shift the way pop culture defines beauty. The choices made in these rooms trickle into how viewers see the world, whether they’re aware of it or not. Some households may never have had a black person in their house as a guest, or someone biracial. Well, now there are a lot of us on your TV and in your home with you. And with Suits, specifically, you have Rachel Zane. I couldn’t be prouder of that.

At the end of season two, the producers went a step further and cast the role of Rachel’s father as a dark-skinned African American man, played by the brilliant Wendell Pierce. I remember the tweets when that first episode of the Zane family aired, they ran the gamut from: ‘Why would they make her dad black? She’s not black’ to ‘Ew, she’s black? I used to think she was hot.’ The latter was blocked and reported. The reaction was unexpected, but speaks of the undercurrent of racism that is so prevalent, especially within America. On the heels of the racial unrest in Ferguson and Baltimore, the tensions that have long been percolating under the surface in the US have boiled over in the most deeply saddening way. And as a biracial woman, I watch in horror as both sides of a culture I define as my own become victims of spin in the media, perpetuating stereotypes and reminding us that the States has perhaps only placed bandages over the problems that have never healed at the root.

I, on the other hand, have healed from the base. While my mixed heritage may have created a grey area surrounding my self-identification, keeping me with a foot on both sides of the fence, I have come to embrace that. To say who I am, to share where I’m from, to voice my pride in being a strong, confident mixed-race woman. That when asked to choose my ethnicity in a questionnaire as in my seventh grade class, or these days to check ‘Other’, I simply say: ‘Sorry, world, this is not Lost and I am not one of The Others. I am enough exactly as I am.’

Just as black and white, when mixed, make grey, in many ways that’s what it did to my self-identity: it created a murky area of who I was, a haze around how people connected with me. I was grey. And who wants to be this indifferent color, devoid of depth and stuck in the middle? I certainly didn’t. So you make a choice: continue living your life feeling muddled in this abyss of self-misunderstanding, or you find your identity independent of it. You push for color-blind casting, you draw your own box. You introduce yourself as who you are, not what color your parents happen to be. You cultivate your life with people who don’t lead with ethnic descriptions such as, ‘that black guy Tom’, but rather friends who say: ‘You know? Tom, who works at [blah blah] and dates [fill in the blank] girl.’ You create the identity you want for yourself, just as my ancestors did when they were given their freedom. Because in 1865 (which is so shatteringly recent), when slavery was abolished in the United States, former slaves had to choose a name. A surname, to be exact.

Perhaps the closest thing to connecting me to my ever-complex family tree, my longing to know where I come from, and the commonality that links me to my bloodline, is the choice that my great-great-great grandfather made to start anew. He chose the last name Wisdom. He drew his own box.”

- Written by Meghan Markle for the July 2015 issue of Elle UK

[carmenlire]

Higher than the Big Trees

Chapter one on ao3

Chapter 2:

Alec unlocks the door to his penthouse and is immediately confronted with a smirking Jace.

“So what happened last night, bro? I called you a few times after you left with that guy but you never called me back. I was getting ready to send out a search party.”

Alec looks at him with an eyebrow raised and says, “You know what happened. It’s called a one night stand. I know you’ve been with Clary awhile but your memory shouldn’t be that faded.”

Grinning, Jace shrugs. “Yeah, well, you have fun with your flavor of the hour and I’ll just keep going home to the love of my life every night.”

With that Jace and Alec go in for a bear hug. They both lean into it, breathing each other in, and relaxing as their best friend-- no, brother-- is by their side for the first time in almost a year. They’d met at the bar last night but their hug then had been too drunk and messy. This embrace makes Alec feel like he's finally home.

“I missed you, you asshole,” Alec murmurs and Jace’s arms tighten around his waist.

“Yeah, you too dick. Now tell me, do you even remember his name?”

“Whose name?”

Stepping back, Jace points at Alec’s neck. “The vampire that left that thing on your neck. Or did you not even bother to learn it in the first place?”

Alec just laughs, unashamed. “I know he was a great lay. That’s all I need.”

“And they say romance is dead.”

If possible, Alec’s smile becomes even wider as he hears the clicking of heels after that deadpan comment. Turning to face the kitchen, he sees one of his favorite sights in the world-- his sister, laughing, walking towards him with two mugs of tea. Waiting for her to set the drinks on the table, he takes her in. Izzy is wearing one of her more formal outfits but it still has her risque touch: underneath the suit jacket she’s wearing nothing but a lace bralette. She looks stunning as usual and he can only imagine how many men sustained injuries walking past her this morning.

Giving her his trademarked Big Brother Hug, he lifts her off the ground, making her squeal with laughter as she demands to be down. Complying after a minute, the two just stand there, smiling at each other.

“It’s good to see you, hermano. It’s been a few months.”

“Yeah. How’d the shoot in Belize go?”

“It was one of the more inventive ones. I didn’t just stand there making pouty faces at the camera for two days. The other models and I got to go into the city and meet some of the people. Plus, I got a few other gigs from it so not bad at all. I was sad you couldn’t stay longer though.”

“I wanted to stay longer, too, but I could only carve out four days. But, I got to see you, so it was worth it.”

With a fond smile for her brother who had spent half of his brief break just traveling to and from Belize to see her, she gestures for the three of them to take a seat before asking Alec, “ How was the concert last night?”

The three of them sit down in the living room. Alec is in the chair closest the door, Izzy and Jace on the ragged couch they’d bought when they were seventeen. While they could buy a new couch that didn’t look like something a frat house had coughed up after rush weekend, it had been the first big purchase Alec had ever made and he was loathe to get rid of it. He knew he was too sentimental for his own good but until the couch actually broke, he just couldn’t see himself replacing it. Jace blustered and insulted the couch every day of his life, but he understood Alec’s reluctance and even shared a piece of it. Izzy, however, detested the couch and wasted no opportunity to tell them. But, even she had to admit that there was no better way to spend a lazy day then with a movie marathon on the run-down thing.

Taking a minute to settle in, Alec answered Izzy. “It was good. We sold the arena out and everyone went wild during the new material so that bodes well for the next album.”

Jace and Izzy traded guilty looks but Alec beats them to it before they can speak. “Don’t worry about not coming guys. You came to the opener last spring and you’re coming to the Good Morning America show next week, right? You’ve seen me perform a thousand times. It’s okay that you didn’t make it to this one.”

Jace nodded and added, “we wouldn’t miss it buddy. The chance to see you do your thing never gets old and I’m looking forward to seeing you deal with all those swooning teenagers.”

Izzy snickered. “Remember that time a boy actually passed out when Alec kissed his hand? I felt so bad for him!”

Groaning, Alec leaned back in his seat and looked up at the ceiling. “I paused the concert to make sure he was okay and so that he could get some medical attention but he turned it down flat because he didn’t want to miss a song. I let him backstage after and he gushed for fifteen minutes straight about how much he loved me. He was adorable but I just felt so bad that he’d gotten hurt over me.”

Reaching over to pat Alec’s shoulder, Izzy had nothing to say except, “poor you. People literally faint in your presence. How awful that must be.”

Alec glared at her but didn’t say anything else.

After Jace and Izzy’s laughter died down, the topic moved to their plans for the rest of the day.

“You guys still up for lunch?”

Alec nodded sharply. “Yeah, just let me grab a shower. Meet back here in half an hour? I have that acoustic show later this afternoon and I want to make sure I get there early.”

Jace scoffs while Izzy grimaces.

“You’ve been in the business ten years and party like it’s 1999 every damn night but you’re still freakishly early to every show. You’re such a nerd. When are you gonna trash a hotel room or, God forbid, show up to a rehearsal or concert--” Jace gasped in mock horror”-- on time?”

Alec was getting ready to offer a scathing reply when Izzy jumped in.

“Yeah, you really need a shower. I didn’t want to say anything, what with it being your first day back in town, but you smell like sex and coffee and that is disgusting coming from my brother.” She wrinkled her nose just to make it clearer how gross the whole thing was for her.

Alec glared at both of them before standing up and making his way to his ensuite.

“First of all, Jace, it’s called professionalism. I respect my fans and when you respect someone that means you put in effort for them and always make sure you’re punctual.” Opening his bedroom door, he called back, “Oh, and Izzy? It’s impolite to call attention to that kind of shit. You’re just jealous I’m getting some.”

With that, Alec shut the door just in time to hear Isabelle start cursing him.

After a long, hot shower using all of his favorite products Alec felt human again. He dresses in something a little more casual to fit the nature of the performance-- ripped black skinny jeans, his beat-up pair of combat boots, and a plain gray hoodie. While Alec had a costume designer for tour that came up with elaborate, stylish outfits, never to be worn twice during the course of the tour, he preferred to use his own wardrobe for smaller shows and the extra events he attended throughout the year.

Moving back into the bathroom, he takes out his sparse makeup bag. While Izzy was the Queen of Contour in the family, Alec had always enjoyed being her guinea pig. It was another creative outlet and a way for brother and sister to bond. Once he’d gone on the road, management had tried to dissuade him from wearing cosmetics in favor of carrying out their ideal image of him as a masculine heartbreaker of young girls’ hearts. How unfortunate for them that Alec was gay as hell and had a penchant for highlighter.

Taking out a simple black eyeliner pencil, Alec makes quick work of lining then smudging his eyes. He debates on adding anything else but decides against it. The vibe for this show is relaxed and he wanted to show the fans today the side of him that most rarely get to see.

Alec liked experimenting with his look but day-to-day he’s a pretty low maintenance guy and he wants to set the tone for the acoustic show as early as possible and the best way to do that is with his appearance. The show today is more chill hang-out than arena performance. He wants everyone who comes to feel welcome and relaxed and like they’re ready to make a friend.

He had received a lot of backlash in the media when, towards the beginning of his career, a picture had surfaced of him in a full face of makeup including contour, bright lipstick, and false eyelashes. He hadn’t quite developed the thick skin he was now notorious for and the online comments had devastated him.

It was Izzy who had shown him several social media accounts that had stood up for him, letting him know that they supported him no matter what he wore. He had never forgotten what those fans had done for him. The fact of the matter was that his fans went absolutely batshit when he wore makeup or had painted nails and he enjoyed the ritual and result of it all. Why not do a bit of fan service, have fun, and maybe let some of them see that there’s more than one way to be a man? Alec had built a career out of respecting and loving his fans and a lot of his effort was in making sure that these kids knew they could always be themselves with him. Whether that meant waving Pride flags during his concerts or having the courage to be their most authentic selves, Alec always felt the responsibility to be a positive role model for people in the same way he wished he’d had someone when he was younger and just starting to figure shit out.

Though today he was only wearing eyeliner, Alec knows the fans will love it.

So he plays up to the fans a little bit, so what?

Alec leaves his bedroom and finds Izzy and Jace talking in the kitchen.

“I’m headed out. I’ll see you guys later.”

Izzy throws the apple she had just finished into the trash can and grabs her coat. When Alec just looks at her she says smugly, “I’m going with you. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen you perform and I think the fans would love seeing the Lightwoods together, don’t you?”

Jace looks at Alec like he expects him to put up a fight. He should know that what Izzy wants, she gets, and Alec actually thinks it’s a good idea anyway. His fans love Izzy and she adores them right back. Alec just shrugs and turns to leave the apartment, Izzy on his heels.

Alec gets to the venue a little over an hour early. He likes having extra time because it gives him a chance to talk to the fans in line that have been waiting for hours to get a seat in the front row. Despite Izzy’s protests they took the subway, and when Alec rounds the corner and sees the line stretching almost two blocks he’s taken by surprise by the way his heart becomes both painfully light and dreadfully heavy.

He never gets used to it. People love Alec, love his music, and that is a hell of a double-edged sword for him. He feels immense responsibility and pressure to be the best performer, the best role model he can be to these fans, these kids and adults and everything in between that pay money and spend time on him. But at the same time he’s always buoyed by their never-ending support and unconditional love.

He has worked fucking hard to cultivate this relationship with his fans and its foundation is a mutual respect and admiration. Alec knows they have his back but will always hold him accountable and they know that Alec does everything he can for them to make every show, every Instagram video, every surprise as amazing as possible. Alec is very active online, constantly answering messages and replying to tweets, posting videos that show him behind the scenes, that offer glimpses of his real life off stage, and the fans appreciate the effort.

The fans also know of Alec’s tendencies to be early and it doesn’t take long before the entire street seems to fall silent as everyone turns around and takes in Alec Lightwood. No one has even noticed Izzy yet and Alec raises a perfect brow before smiling softly and walking to the people at the end of the line.

“Hey, what’s up?”

The two girls in front of him are obviously starstruck but they rally quickly, he’ll give them that. They’re teenagers wearing what looks to be handmade tie-dye shirts with the cover art from his latest album stenciled in.

“Just waiting for this guy to show up. I hear he can sing,” says the taller girl in a fit of bravado.

Alec just grins. “Oh yeah? Funny, I think I heard about him. I heard he’s got a surprise in store for everyone.”

The girls’ eyes bug out and Izzy snorts before elbowing him in the stomach. While he’s busy glaring she turns to the girls. “Don’t listen to him. He’s just trying to get a reaction. How are you guys doing today?”

The one who hasn’t spoken yet has a soft voice as she tells Izzy, “we’re super excited. We saved up for months to be able to come and we’re so happy we got to meet you.” She pauses for a minute, obviously internally debating something, before she turns to Alec and in a halting voice asks if they could get picture with him.

Alec readily agrees and he takes a few seconds to let the girls smooth down their hair and hands the phone to Izzy. He gives them a minute to make sure they’re satisfied with the picture and then throws them a soft smile and a “see you inside” before moving up the line to the next group.

The next hour flies by as he talks to every single person in line and takes pictures as requested. He’s always surprised, but overwhelmingly grateful, that everyone is quiet and waits their turn. He doesn’t know if it’s because they all know that he talks to everyone, or if it’s because he’s mentioned how anxious he can get in crowds, or if his fans are just more polite than others, but there are no riots or shouting or grabbing. Everyone is respectful and polite and it makes Alec’s heart sing.

When the doors open, everyone rushes inside. There’s only a hundred people in the small coffeeshop-- not Luke’s, because even if he loves his fans he’s not willing to compromise his safe haven-- and everyone has a centrally located seat. A few people wanted pictures with both him and Izzy, or just with Isabelle, and everyone notices her as she walks in behind Alec. There are people softly talking while his people finish getting everything set but everyone watches as Izzy takes a seat in the back and Alec makes his way to the small stage that had been hastily thrown together.

“Okay, I’ve talked to all of you just a few minutes ago but I want to make sure everyone is having a good day. How are all of you doing?”

There’s a rush of cheers and clapping and Alec grins as he slips effortlessly into his entertainer role.

“I’m glad to hear that,” he says as he fiddles with the mic. “If you guys are okay with it, I have some treats I’d like to bring out.”

As Alec had been talking, a few people came out from the back carrying trays of sweets or coolers of drinks.

“We have some baked goods because who doesn’t like a good pastry?” There’s a smattering of laughter as he continues. “We have something for everyone. There are vegan treats, some with peanuts and some without and we have something for people with other assorted allergies or sensitivities. Feel free to talk to the waitstaff about any questions or concerns. Their names are Karen and Daniel and they don’t bite. Promise.”

With everyone munching on their snacks, Alec moves into the real start of the event.

“If it’s alright with you, I thought we’d start with some guidelines. There are only three rules today. Number one, you have fun. If you’re not having fun, you tell me and we’ll see what we can do about it. Though, I have to say, if your issue is that I’m not funny enough, I don’t know what to tell you. This is about as good as it gets.”

Everyone cheers in what Alec supposes is reassurance that he’s not a comedic failure and he’s laughing as he says number two.

“The second rule is that everyone relaxes. Go ahead. Take a deep breathe. This isn’t a concert where you have to scream for two hours. This is you and me and us all together enjoying some music and conversation. And that brings us to number three. Rule number three might be the most important so listen up.

“Rule number three is that you be yourself. As long as you feel safe and included during this chat, then I’ll consider this a success. We’re going to play some tunes and talk about some stuff and we can only maintain this pleasant atmosphere if everyone feels unafraid. There are no stupid questions or awkwardness here--except if it’s coming from me.”

With a last round of laughter that Alec swears is part relief and part indulgence for his inane tactics, he starts the Q and A section.

The questions are all brilliant and fun. Someone asks Alec what his favorite historical period was and why and that devolves into a general group discussion about everyone’s favorite trivia facts. There's another question that sparks a debate between the best type of recording equipment and Alec learns something from one of the fans that he makes a mental note of to research once he starts properly writing for the next album. The last question, however, makes Alec swallow hard and really think.

The question is asked by a teenaged boy that looks as All American Football as possible. When he raises his hand, Alec calls to him immediately.

Looking nervous, the boy opens his mouth. “Hi, Alec, my name is Patrick and I have kind of a serious question for you. This past year I’ve started to come to terms with the fact that I might be gay and I don’t know what to do. I just feel like all of these people have expectations of me and I don’t know how to meet them when they think I’m straight. How can I still be the quarterback and one hundred percent myself?”

Alec smiles softly and says, “Well, thank you Patrick for having the courage to ask me that. It takes a lot of guts and self-awareness to realize that things you’ve thought your whole life might not be true. I’m happy you felt safe enough to ask that here. I have to say though that as your journey of self discovery continues, you’ll start to realize that it isn’t either/or. You can be the high school football quarterback and a boyfriend to an amazing guy. It seems hard as hell, probably impossible, but it can be done. I was in marching band but I was also captain of the soccer team in high school and my senior year after we won the state championships I kissed my then-boyfriend in front of the whole school to celebrate. I was scared shitless but I knew that the people who loved me wouldn’t care and I had to decide not to care about the people who wouldn’t be able to reconcile the two pieces of me.

“Is there anyone else who wants to offer any advice?”

There are a few people that have experienced the same or similar issue and Alec gives them the floor. After everyone’s said their piece, Patrick says one last thing to Alec.

“Thanks, Alec, for being a great role model. I know you have to get that all the time but I really mean it when I say that you’re an inspiration to me. You’re music has really helped me this year come to terms with everything and realize shit and plus, it just bangs hard as hell.”

Everyone laughs and with that cue Alec starts to sing a few songs. He has his old-ass guitar and he’s playing his most popular songs from all of his albums. Everyone cheers when he plays a few random songs that were never singles and it’s totally silent when he plays a handful of songs from what will be his sixth studio album.

When the last note rings through and everyone is clapping, Alec sits there with his guitar resting against his knee and takes a minute to soak it all in. When it starts to die down, Alec takes to the mic one last time to offer his thanks for everyone that came out and has supported him. He does have a surprise though.

“I told a few of you that there was a surprise coming your way tonight. Well, here’s the thing. I feel like we really got to know each other this afternoon and it just wouldn’t be fair of me to make you pay for friendship. So saying, if you guys check your bank accounts after the show, you’ll see that you’ve been refunded the price of admission for today’s event. I hope it was worth your money, but if not, at least it was free," Alec ends with a little laugh.

The room erupts with his speech and Alec gives a last wave to everyone gaping at him before nodding to Izzy and making his way out the front door.

Izzy is beside him an instant later, shaking her head. “You act all cool and shit but you’re really just a drama queen, aren’t you?”

Alec grins as he throws his arm around her shoulders and they make their way to the subway station. “Being dramatic never killed anyone Isabelle. It’s not my fault that the music industry just happens to be a little more dramatic than most."

Izzy rolls her eyes and laughs to herself. The streets are crowded as Alec plans his evening.

It’s time to blow off some steam.

[valnotyourpal]

Interview Task:

Thursday 29 April 2021

30 mins

What’s your earliest memory of drawing or being creative?

Do you draw for yourself? 

What is your favorite art medium?

Acrylic, I live water cooler, ok, I’ve done most of that and I really actually enjoy that, I often mix you know like acrylic guoache, watercolor, they have things that work well

I love collage I don’t really do it do you feel something is stopping?

Collage is useful when you have magazines and materials, 

Im not a spontaneous artist at all, im a terrible perfectionist

First step is a sketch, refining sketching before brio

Last year a lot of biro, 

Fineliners are a it too thick with biro same textures as pencil, you can use with anything 

I go over things many many times I f its digital, first sketch you know second, line work, 

Unless its life drawing, im less strict I hate most of what I do

Why do you hate it?

Haha therapy session

Hate is strong word, disonent not hate, I say ok I like the element of work, sometimes is boring or not as striking

I guess people see in t things I don’t see

Benefit of the fresh eye

Do you struggle to have a fresh eye in work?

Often nearly all the time, I finish after working a lot on it, ugh whatever it exists in the world

And people say omg I love it, which is surpising and enjoyable

Its quite short lived, that grace period of liken work, lasts 5 minutes

Value your work on the comments?

Not always, if tis something I think is really awful no comment can change that

I don’t judge my work on terms comments most of the time

A warmer gaze

So yes and no haha

Fave piece you did?

When you asked me to bring I was like hmm I don’t have much on me, I’ve only been here a year so that’s all I have, my drive from years previously

So either its work have 2 years ago or work ive done this year I haven’t got omg this is amazing but ive got reasonably content about

My older works

I enjoy seeing work 

What was story of work?

Extremely broad with briefs, I was terrible with following

30 minute spiel, I can’t even remenerbrief, I have wonderful fine arty ways of explaining it

Next work:

Camouflage? Transformation?

Went a completely different route SERIAL KILLERS!

The man is ind of sissapearing behind the crimes, loses human side, 

Hes dead now, he used to skin people. House full of skin furniture

I used these kind of pits of material,

Do you use mixed media?

I always love mixed media

The work is childish to me, slightly naive

I haven’t evolved much since, fond memories of that, I enjoy shocking people

What I love about ill is incite emotions from people and convey a certain atmosphere and mod I ,love dark and gloomy pieces Bec very expressive, im quite happy person and bubbly or whatever

I do love creepy paintings and stuff, especially if im making them and watching them shocked and really disturbed

Very entertaining 

Where did the come from to shock?

Who knows? Im nt very good at psycho.. I dint know, a bit out of the refinery and I enjoy bits out of the ordinary, I don’t know to be honest..

Least fave? 

Ive got lots to choose haha…

From the poetry competition I even did sev ver of this shit hing

How did it start?

I was extreme insipid by poem, chicken town really cool grunge poem, quite rude, quite different how  see the world

A bit moros e yeah and capture the essence of the poem

I mean ive captured this air of boringness

Perhaps not textured enough

Ive got this other ver frankly not any

When did yo0u decide you didn’t like?

Most of the way, usually half way through, I don’t beat myself up too much about this thing not like oh gosh I should 

Internat debate?

Yes, you know Eloise you get better with time, its normal you learn dn kind of progress

Recent? (Animation)

How do you feel about it?

Days it took me to make, weeks maybe, 

Comments?/

Overall im acc quite happy with it now, animation reasonably fluid, I want every scene to develop, I had a lot of constraints, small amount of frames I had, it was procreate, its ok, idk, im very harsh

Do you see a clear path how to fix?

Yeah I tell myself im only on beginning, its perfect normal im learning, I prefer showing things I actually like.

How do you feel sharing your work?

I acc not got many problems to be honest, ive never, so one of my main horrors is to appear like im boasting, I inherently hate cockiness, most of all in myself oh god is that cocky? Its not all consuming, I do enjoy showing Bec its fun people kind f like what I do, usually people have a kinder gaze than Ido, not ego stroking, soothes my critical eye

Fave food?

I love food. One of my main pleasures in life, and friends and family, lasagna, sweets ice cream, not cake always, caramel

Sweet tooth.

Pressure to be short and concise 

Eloise

Extremely rarely draw for fun, I must draw, I should enjoy

 How did you learn languages?

Born in England for 4 years

Mother spoke to me in French

Different language at home than out

When I have a goal in mind

Motivated to give presents

[nctaezen]

Happy valentine day aka both the lovey dovey holiday and our bday bpy himself, I saw your gifset and 100/10!! Amazing work, please frame that gifset in a museum pronto!! It sounds like your valentine's day was fun ^_^

But yes I am from Chicago haha, it doesn't seem fancy to me being in Chicago with how expensive downtown can be at times (but then again, when is downtown in ANY big city not expensive?) But it is a lovely place nonetheless, granted don't come now because its cold like the northpole xD but very much recommended the spring time personally! I do hope you have the chance to come to Chicago when things calm down

Ooohh same lol, I can do my nails like a pro but eyeliner ??? I struggle lol. I watched videos on tips but I still can't figure how to not stop my hand from shaking =/ (if any of your followers know a trick do share! Help this noob anon out, i will pay with cookies!) I can do it decent line but its always thick for some odd reason lol. It starts off good in the beginning with a nice thin line but then I go full raccoon mode xD I have big eyes as well so technically not good for my eye shape but it is what it is haha. I do prefer pencil since its easier but I do enjoy the liquid eyeliner look. My current makeup look is eyeliner, mascara and some lip product. I do eyeshadow if I want to be fancy haha but for sure need to look into getting some better products. The ones I do have my eye on are nyx because we love a good mix of free of animal products and cheap, bare minerals is nice as well as well as color pop! For the pricier end fenty and rare beauty are on my list (especially rare omg the lipstick shades are so, so pretty! Especially the color you mentioned ^0^) but ooh we love pinks and orange shades! We love the soft, spring romantic vibes! For me. I like a bit of everything but i do find myself leaning into red, pink, orange shades with a mix of dark tones like a dark wine shade or even black djaksja. My favorite lippie i own is this beautiful orange/brown color? Idk if that is the right way to describe it but it is a pretty color! Jdkandks @ that large lipstick collection, respect haha. I enjoy the old school lip gloss look because i like pretending to feel like an Bratz doll lol.. bb creams are good and I may go with one in the future since it seems a good product to use if you don't want to dive into foundation and such c:

Now skin care wise, I agree! Not all pricey products are better. You can find good products for half the price that works for your skin! It is a trail and error sadly but eventually you will find something that works best for you c: and ooohh i think i have heard of those brands! I'll look at them later to see what they have so thank you for the suggestion!! Lol maybe that's a good thing the brand isn't around where you live xD but true, it is best to not continue with using the products so I will sadly throw them away. I feel bad since I did spend money but if it isn't doing me good skin wise well why ruin my skin more? Garnier is great for sure! I love their micellar water so I may invest in some of their other products! When I will do that, not sure because my parents are a bit strict when it comes to makeup/skin care stuff *sigh*

Oof I do feel like there have been alot of romance plots so we do need a break with some other plot ideas like a good mystery drama for example like let me feel like Sherlock when watching the episodes haha. But ahh it be like that xD sometimes you start off watching a video or two and then you are spending half the night watching funny edits of nct lol and idk how he can be calm like jaehyun is so calm in the most chaotic moments. Like he didn't even flinch when the boxes exploded in nct world!! Teach us your calm ways jaehyun. But I do love his dad ways from the humor he has or his dad sneeze (I will admit some fans do take the "jaehyun dad" narrative a bit too far sometimes or maybe its just me? Thoughts love?)

Oof until april!? Oh no D: I hope the numbers slow down during then, sending good vibes to your family as well during these times! You also stay safe! As for me, yeah just have been staying inside. Not much to do sadly but I'm being well fed with kpop so not complaining haha

Hey hey! How was your week/days so far since Valentines? 

Well I had a lot to do and I was mainly busy with work (once again). I am remodelling/redecorating my room as well and I still have lots of plans on it, let’s see how the things end up because I will do it all alone (wish me luck).

Happy you loved that set and I hope you will anticipate my Ten set as well (it’s a secret, not secret anymore but I still haven’t started with it yet I have lots of notes and ideas saved, I just need the courage and time for it).

Oh yeah I knew it hehe as far as I know Chicago looks very modern and seems a bit luxurious, indeed should be a bit expensive in the downtown, but even in my country, downtown is something I usually avoid for hanging out because it’s super super pricy. 

I came across a few fun videos on tiktok and there was a girl doing her eyeliner in one go, like less that 1 second and I was like?? she’s not from this world. I had the chance to try my new bb cream and corrector from nyx and so far I love it, it doesn’t feel heavy or itchy on my skin, also knowing it’s cruelty free, it’s something that stands on my top buy makeup brand list. I used to love lipgloss when I was a child/teen, but not anymore, I wear my hair down and if go out. Forget about it, especially since I live in a windy area. And now with masks I can only wear a no-transfer lipstick or simply lip balm. A brand I think I will try soon will be Cerave, I heard only good things about it and Wayv also promoted it in the past. At that time the brand wasn’t available in my country, now it become quite popular and if the lockdown ends next month, I’ll go to a pharmacy to test the products and (hopefully) buy some. 

As for my drama experience, I started to watch Vincenzo since it’s on Netflix it’s much easier to watch but I didn’t expect the whole comedy twist, I thought that drama was based on a dark-crime-mafia plot, yet I was once again fooled by the trailers. Anyway he looks sooo good for his age, I thought he was in his twenties, just wow! We’re a decade apart, and man! he looks so young, maybe even younger, insane! I should drink more ginseng tea for infinite youth haha Anyway the drama is a stay because I love him so much, he is a very talented actor and hopefully the plot will change as the history will go on.

About Jaehyun and that dad narrative, well yes. Things go out of hand for everyone else not only for him, especially in cases when these words are shoved right into their faces, I would never dare to comment anything like that under their social media or even on personal-interactions, it just seems uncomfortable on many levels. If someone looks hot and sexy, this is what he is and this is what we call them for, magazines and articles describe idols a lot these days with these words and that is ok because it means they have an attractive image that everyone wishes to have or achieve, yes I do get jealous sometimes even if they are men so 😂 but those type of whatever role-playing words, no, niet, nein, não, non. Out of question.

Meanwhile a few comebacks happened and I was excited for it, Shinee’s title song is sooo good and I love the savage lyrics. The rest of the album is also amazing, I have like 3 top favorites. Now I am waiting for Wayv comeback that will happen soon, hope SM won’t disappoint with another low-budget MV, I know we are in a pandemic situation rn but even inside the box, a MV can look stunning. SM take notes from “Make a Wish”, that was simply beautiful and almost everything was shot indoor, stunning effects I want to see again.

And I don’t think I had the chance to ask you, how did you like 127′s Japanese album? I love all the songs and there is non I skip when I play the whole album. I love how different hits from their Korean albums, there is something alluring about it, well the lyrics also suggest that so- I couldn’t miss that huge album that looks like an A3 portfolio so I already ordered one, hopefully by the end of the March I’ll get my hands on it, I can’t wait because the pictures are simply stunning!

Hope so far you have been fine, stay healthy and take care of yourself, and hope to hear from you back soon ❤️

[letspleasuretogether]

Would you happen to have any tips for beginners? I wanna start writing OvO;/

Ahh! So exciting! I love when people get into writing! Iwish you luck in your endeavor! :D

I do have a few bits of advice for anyone who wants to getstarted. And, as always, this is just my opinion. If there’s one thing I know,it’s that writers can’t agree on anything (except for maybe the Oxford CommaXD). You need to do what works for you, and sometimes that happens through alot of trial and error. It can be frustrating, but if you stick with it, you’lleventually find your groove.

First off, if you have absolutely no writing experience, Isuggest reading things that you want to write. So, if you’re interested in aspecific genre (sci-fi, fantasy, horror, romance), read books/stories/ficsabout that stuff. If you’re thinking about writing fanfiction specifically, Isuggest devouring every fic for whatever pairing you’re interested in. When youconsume the media you want to create, you can see what you like and what youdon’t like about it. Read good stories, and bad ones! You can learn from badlywritten writing almost as much as well written writing!

Follow some writers/writing blogs on tumblr or wherever.They can help you when your inspiration is low. Prompt blogs are especiallyhelpful if you’re having creativity issues. Also, find other writers to befriends with. Discussing writing with people helps a lot, and when you surroundyourself with other writers, you’ll find that you all inspire each other tokeep writing.

Keep a notebook or some device for taking notes with you allthe time. Some people prefer using their phones, but I always have my notebookswith me. (Yes, plural. XD I have a notebook problem.) I like the tactilesensation of writing by hand, so that works for me when taking notes. Butreally, anything will do. (I used to write notes on receipt tape when I workedas a cashier since they wouldn’t let us have phones or notebooks.) Anyway, takenotes on things that inspire you, or ideas you might want to write a storyabout. You don’t have to use every idea you write down, but it’s nice to keepeverything just in case. The ideas don’t even have to be complete thoughts. Youcan write down the title of a song, phrases you hear in conversation, or evenjust take a picture of a really fine-ass looking tree that makes you think “Damn,that tree is picturesque. I want that tree in my story.”

When it comes to actually writing, find a place where youcan concentrate. If you have a noisy household (like I do), you can useheadphones to keep yourself from getting distracted. Find some music that won’tdistract you from your task at hand. Personally, I prefer nature sounds (such asrain and thunderstorms) or music without words (I use the classical studychannel on Pandora, or videogame/movie soundtracks. I’m currently using theSkyrim soundtrack for my writing this month.). And if you’re easily distractedby the internet/social media, turn off your wifi, close your browser tabs—do anythingyou can to keep the distractions at a minimum.

Some people like to plot and some people like to write andsee where the story takes them. Personally, I prefer to plot, or I get lost inmy head too much. You can plot the whole story, or just go scene by scene.Whatever works for you is what you should stick with. For me, I will plot anentire story, then, I’ll plot scenes in more detail as I write. Depending onthe length of the story, plotting can be intense or laid back.

Now this is crucial—FIND YOURSELF A BETA READER! You needsomeone who has a good grasp of grammar, punctuation, and writing in general tohelp you find your mistakes and fix them. I didn’t start to evolve as a writeruntil I had my stuff beta read by a few of my friends. Let them be critical ofyour writing, let them pick at it until you feel like you’re the worst writerin the world. Then, after you have a good hour or so of self-loathing, pickyourself up, fix the problems and keep writing. I know that sounds harsh, butyou need to have a thick skin when it comes to any form or art. People aregonna shit on you no matter what you do. (I still have people shit on me.) It’simportant to not get discouraged. The more mistakes that are pointed out, themore you can learn! Mistakes are a part of getting better. You can’t expect towrite the Great American Novel™ your first try, so just settle for My Novel™.It doesn’t have to be perfect or good. It just has to be something you wrote.Besides, that’s what revising is for. XD

Like all things, it’ll take time. You might find yourselffrustrated because you can’t write like you want, or upset when you thinksomething is good, but others aren’t as excited about it as you. It’s no differentwith any other art. It takes time, practice, and a lot of work. But you’ll getthere.

Writing is hard. It’s a struggle. But it’s also incrediblyrewarding. It allows you to connect with others, share ideas. Keep your chin upand do your best, because that’s all I, or anyone else, can ask of you.

[latveriansnailmail]

OC meme answers

Filling out the previous post.

1. Your first OC ever? The earliest character I remember making was an armored flamethrowing bad guy named Cinder. I made him to be an antagonist for my brother's OC. Cinder is an industrial saboteur in his current incarnation. 2. Do you have a personal favourite among your OCs? I am probably most fond of Nick Chapel, Psychic Detective. 3. Have you ever adopted a character or gotten a character from someone else? Several. A good handful of my characters were PCs in tabletop games I ran. 4. A character you rarely talk about? The less developed they are, the less I talk about them. 5. If you could make only one of your OCs popular/known, who would it be? I have several favorites but I think the world would get the most milage out of Man Man. He always manages to be in the wrong despite his best intentions. 6. Two OCs of yours that look alike despite not being related? There are trends. Open shirts. Facial hair. Tattoos. Sunglasses. No capes. 7. Are your OCs part of any story or stories? I'm building fuel for several stand alone books set in a common universe. 8. Do you RP as any of your OCs? If you do, introduce one of your RP OCs here! Nick Chapel and Swingin' Johnny Go both began as Old World of Darkness characters. Nick was my Gangrel and Johnny was an Ecstatic mage. 9. Would you ever be willing to give any of your OCs to someone else? I would give back what I have borrowed. I might lend an OC if said OC was already well established and characterized. 10. Introduce an OC with a complicated design? What, visually? Probably Upside Downe is the most complicated because he's more of a celebrity (of the modern fashion) than a superhero. As such his look varies from day to day but is always flamboyant. In his early conception I took some inspiration from Dennis Rodman. Nowadays he's closer to Red Foo. 11. Is there any OC of yours you could describe as a “sunshine”? Maybe el Constrictador. 12. Name an OC that isn’t yours but who you like a lot I tend to be drawn to any character who is a fanatic or a literal angel, preferably both at the same time. 13. Do you have any troublemaker OCs? Lady Angst is true to her name. 14. Introduce an OC with a tragic backstory I try to stay away from that trope since it's done into the ground in the superhero genre (see women in refrigerators.) That said, I suppose Maxine Force has seen some tragedy of late; her husband died suddenly and painfully, Maxine tried to transfer his consciousness into an AI, and then said AI was overwritten and appropriated by enemy agents, resulting in a twisted android mockery of a good man. 15. Do you like to talk about your OCs with other people? AD INFINITUM 16. Which one of your OCs would be the best at biology (school subject)? Definitely Professor Pinnacle though Man Man is a close second. 17. Any OC OTPs? Lady Angst/Swingin' Johny Go, as well as Zapatta the Mystic/Maid Malice 18. Any OC crackships? Idano, I guess Nick and Melanie Plutarch. That's going nowhere. 19. Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why) I'm still working on this character but Quanta is based on a teacher I respect. 20. Do any of your OCs sing? If they sing, care to share more details (headcanon voice, what kind of songs they like etc)? The Fat Lady is a coloratura and an amazing improvisational singer, though she tends to shatter all glass in the vicinity. Johnny is the front man of a swing band and can also use his sonic powers to manifest music but he says it's just not the same as a live performance. 21. Your most artistic OC Again, Johnny. In addition to singing and playing, he crafts string instruments semi-professionally. 22. Is there any OC of yours people tend to mischaracterize? If yes, how? I have to be very deliberate in my depiction of Solomon King. He's a guy wearing a flag so I have to be clear with his characterization and his ideals, or else people would just project their personal politics on him. 23. Introduce OC that has changed from your first idea concerning what the character would be like? Thorn was originally just some generic beefy white dude in his 20s with plant powers. The current Doctor Thorn is 50 or older, a genius botonist, black, an amputee, and very cynical owing to the public's past reception of his race. Hell, public's not crazy about him right now. 24. If you could meet one OC of yours, who would it be and why? I would meet the Stregga Sisters so I could ask what their deal is. I need to develop them. 25. The OC that resembles you the most (same hobby, height, shared like/dislike for something etc?) As a younger man, that would most closely be Johnny but now I'm turning 39 and I identify more with Nick. We both prefer classic movies. 26. Have you ever had to change your OC’s design or something else about them against your will? I was confronted with how 7 out of 7 of my most significant American figures were all male so I gender-swapped Maxwell Force into Maxine. S/he's more interesting now. I have plenty of female characters (close to half) and a loooot of female second bananas but the lack of female leadership is still something I'm struggling with. 27. Any OCs that were inspired by a certain song? Actually, the first plot scenario and its main perpetrators came to me in a dream, complete with a rap song. So in particular Edifice Wrex is the rapper of my dreams. 28. Your most dangerous OC? DEFINITELY the Chokester. Imagine the Joker crossed with Venom and classically trained in traditional European buffoonery. 29. Which one of your OCs would go investigate an abandoned house at night without telling anyone they’re going? Several, really. Nick, Zapatta... Lady Angst would live cast it. 30. Which one of your OCs would most likely have a secret stuffed animal collection? La Nina maybe. Of course life on the road would mean nowhere to keep it... 31. Pick one OC of yours and explain what their tumblr blog would be like (what they reblog, layout, anything really) Let me point out that I myself have been involved with goth culture since about 1995. That said, Lady Angst is heavily involved with social media and reblogs all the most ridiculously stereotypical goth stuff with plenty of vaguebooking thrown in as she bemoans her personal situation and throws shade at people in the community. She has the worst kept secret identity in the whole long underwear game. 32. Which one of your OCs would be the most suitable horror game protagonist and why? Spiderbite Emma is a pragmatic survivor. Plus she can turn people into wolves so she's got that going for her. 33. Your shyest OC? I've gathered many brazen personalities, them being superheroes and all. That said, probably Catfight. Her anthro-feline body is a constant target for unwanted attention. 34. Do you have any twin characters? Not at this time. 35. Any sibling characters? Reveal: Angst and Emma are sisters! Don't tell no one. Be cool. I'm still cooking the Force family but there's the young adult Gail Force and the tween Maxwell (found a new use for that name.) 36. Do you have OC pairs where the other part belongs to someone else (siblings, lovers, friends etc)? Nope. 37. Introduce an OC who is not quite human Like all of them. I just got finished fleshing out a OC who's a sasquatch, Professor "Squatcho" Henderson. 38. Which one of your OCs would be the best dancer? For all her flaws, sucking at dancing is not among Lady Angst's failings. Zapatta is two thousand years old and lascivious so he can probably cut a rug. For that matter and for similar reasons Santacles would know every winter folk dance there is. 39. Introduce any character you want I have a fondness for the Keeper, a combo speedster/tank. She’s Britain’s most popular hero, goalkeeper themed, and seven and a half feet tall. She was born out of some RPG build experiments, the idea being that her low end cosmic awareness tells her what’s happening, her speed helps her intervene, and then her thick skin absorbs the hit. 40. Any fond memories linked to your characters? Feel free to share In my early 20s I used to hang out at night with friends of mine in the local all night diner, drinking unlimited coffee, playing games, eating the breakfast buffet, etc. We were all either just out of college or just out of high school and we were all commiserating our bleak futures. I would sketch and color a character pic every night. Most of those characters are scrapped now but a few (like Sonofagun) have made the cut. The pictures got moldy in storage, sad to say. 41. Has anyone drawn fanart of your OCs? If yes, maybe show a picture or two here (remember sources & permissions!) See above. 42. Which one of your OCs would be the most interested in Greek gods? Many of them ARE Greek gods. My Mary Sue, Mail-man would be most genuinely interested. 43. Do you have any certain type when you create your OCs? Do you tend to favour some certain traits or looks? It’s time to confess See above, #6. 44. Something you like about your OCs in general They are diverse and few have anything stereotypical about them. They are all their own people. 45. A character you no longer use? NEVER ASK ME ABOUT STEVE 46. Has anyone ever told you that you treat your OCs badly? Nah. I'm so wary of fridging characters that I don't heap much abuse on them. Plus, there's a revolving door on death. 47. Has anyone ever (friendly) claimed any of your OCs as their child? As I've said, some are on permanent loan from their player parents. 48. OC who is a perfect cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure Nah. Maybe Catfight. She's trying to get into Man Man's crew and it's going to be disastrous. 49. Which one of your OCs would most likely enjoy memes Probably Magnum Opus. 50. Give me the good ol’ OC talk here. Talk about anything you want Top Rocker of Earth has a passing similarity to Lobo in that both are cosmic bikers and general nasty asskickers but in truth Top draws most from Terrax the Tamer. If you want, you can tag your ask answers with #yetanotherOCmeme so I can check them out too `v´9

[socialattractionuk]

I’ve had people un-match me for being bisexual

Love, Or Something Like It

In Love, Or Something Like It, our new Metro.co.uk series, we’re on a quest to find true love.

Covering everything from mating, dating and procreating to lust and loss, we’ll be looking at what love is and how to find it in the present day.

That moment when a cisgender, heterosexual man you’re on a date with asks about your exes… that’s when my hands get clammy.

I wonder how quickly the word ‘threesome’ will leave his mouth. The last time it was less than 30 seconds. Maybe this guy will beat it?

I get asked about my sexual history in astonishing detail because this is what dating is like when you’re bisexual. My history is open season for mere strangers to delve into.

I’m almost gay but not quite there, so my preferences are not taken seriously (Picture: Sharan Dhaliwal)

Bisexuality is often seen as an intersection – I’m almost gay but not quite there, so my preferences are not taken seriously. I guess that’s why it’s easier for people to ask such intimate questions.

If I were a lesbian, for example, men wouldn’t have enough access to me to ask when I last slept with a woman.

If I do date a man, there’s the risk I’ll face their homophobia or some may consider me ‘straight again’. Except I’m not straight. I find myself questioning whether I should actively search for a queer woman or non-binary (NB) person to avoid this.

The erasure of bisexuality has started to grate. My thick skin has got thinner and thinner until I started to disappear.

It has exacerbated my mental health, too. My anxiety has got worse, as has my insomnia and often I decide I don’t want anyone in my life at all. I get stuck in patterns of painful encounters and I regularly question myself – it’s quite a feat to not only come out regularly to people around you, but having to do it to yourself.

I’ve had friends who have dated in queer spaces only to be met with ‘you better not be bi,’ and a roll of the eyes (Picture: Sharan Dhaliwal)

So, does my bisexuality make any encounter disingenuous? I’m not searching for ‘the one’ but I would like to make connections.

Dating apps have become difficult for me to navigate and I’ve since scared myself off them – I’ve had people un-match me for being bisexual. I’ve had friends who have dated in queer spaces only to be met with ‘you better not be bi,’ and a roll of the eyes.

I went on a date recently that I thought was going really well until I brought up my bisexuality and it was followed by a long silence. It felt longer than it was – filled with large sips of beer and an uncomfortable laugh. She didn’t call me back.

A man I went on one fateful date with kept asking me about the queer and non-binary people I had been with and even said he ‘knew someone at school who was like that’.

He then said he wouldn’t want to come to all the ‘gay stuff’ I go to, so it probably wouldn’t work out between us. I told him I didn’t want to go to all the ‘straight stuff’ he does and walked out.

I haven’t given up on looking for love completely because I like having a crush on people (Picture: Sharan Dhaliwal)

I can take a boring conversation, bad taste in music and awful habits but I can’t come out again, face bi-erasure or homophobia, or become instantly sexualised and rejected for my preferences.

The fear of that happening holds me back. I’m too tired to keep going through this so just I’ve stopped going on as many dates.

I found speaking to other bisexual people helped me. Whether it’s forming friendships or more, they understand the struggle and I no longer feel alone – I’m no longer dwelling on my sexuality as much as I used to.

I haven’t given up on looking for love completely because I like having a crush on people. I like feeling the warmth of seeing their face on my social media or around town and smiling at how adorable people can be. Yet I’m not sure I’m ready to take steps further into romance and open a conversation about my sexuality with people whose reactions I can’t predict.

That’s fine. A lot of people say to me ‘it happens when you least expect it!’ but I find myself wondering what happens when you have no expectations.

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I like to think that the love I receive from my friends and family is enough and the last thing I need is someone who isn’t worth my love taking up space in my bed held by my favourite jacket and laptop.

In all seriousness, I know that I live a vital life in the work I do and that romance isn’t a priority, it’s an option.

We’re told that we need to get with someone, have a wedding and then some children, but I think we just need as many beautiful and important connections with as many people as possible – that’s what true love is to me. It enriches our lives.

When I’m comfortable enough, I’m looking forward to inhabiting that space again.

Sharan Dhaliwal is the founder of queer speed dating night Oh Queer Cupid

Last week in Love, Or Something Like It: Being a virgin makes love so much harder to find

Write for Love, Or Something Like It

Love, Or Something Like It is a brand new series for Metro.co.uk, published every Saturday. If you have a love story to share, email rosy.edwards@metro.co.uk

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