#maybe i should finally make that translation blog and post what i already have

[averagebakedpotato]

I want to translate something but I've got so little free time...

[zero-ek]

A little ramble on Magireco's EoS

I genuinely do not remember how i did i ever got into Magireco, i do know it was before the NA version came and went, and i do recall being there for i think 2 or 3 annis, but apart from that i have absolutely no clue how that game ever came into my life.

Something that i do know, though, is that before, and even during some of my time with Magireco, i was always a lurker through and through, like, i wasn't very much into participating on fandom or even just talking about stuff i like into the void like i usually do now.

And to be honest that hasn't really gone away, like for example, i love Symphogear, it's a very dear show to me, but looking at my blog and Twitter, i never even mentioned it or engaged with the fandom once. I grew up with Nanoha and Kancolle and Sailor Moon, they're some of my favorite media ever, i pretty much never talk about them, i fell in love with Revue Starlight recently and never mentioned it again. I got a whole bunch of other examples but you get the gist of it.

The point i want to get at is that Magireco was probably the first time that i ever felt comfortable being active in a fandom, like, talking to people, being into art and writings and fanfics and all of that. Not only that, but Magireco was the first time that i felt compelled to contribute something of my own. I decided to translate some stuff whenever i could, definitely not as much as i wanted to, but the thing is i think that was the first time i worked on translations purely out of love for a fandom, out of wanting to get it out there more (i was in a couple translation teams and whatnot in the past, but i never really had that drive). And even now that's still something i'm inspired by for the other fandoms i'm in, like, i have a whole second blog for translations now, simply in the spirit of "hey this is really cool i think more people should see it."

I actually stopped playing the game itself a good while ago, i'm a casual all the way when it comes to games, and it's just the sad reality that casuals are the sworn enemies of any gacha game, having to choose between paying money or ceaseless grinding is simply beyond me. But even after leaving the game behind, i still decided to stay around the community, not only because i was still very intrigued by the story and where it would go, but also because by that point i was already so attached to Magireco as a whole. Plus y'know, there's always that one select group of people who make incredible art and writings and stuff that you grow very fond of and just can't let go (if you're reading this and happens to be one of those people whose notifs i live in, hi! Sorry for annoying you, but i love your posts!).

So y'know, even though i haven't actually played the game in years by this point, it still seriously shocked me to hear about the EoS, though to be fair it was finals week and something else happened, so there was a bit of that nervousness mixed in there, but still, it's just been in my head this whole time. I do know that like, people have been talking about it being a possibility here and there for a while, and i have to be honest with you, i loved Puella Historia, but with how seemingly definitive the closing of Arc 2 was, i couldn't see it as enough to launch a new storyline or serve as the game's driving force for an extended period of time (i thought Scene 0 would be that, given how it was marketed as this huge deal, and i do think that it was an attempt to try and reel more people into the game, thus the focus on the Holy Quintet).

I guess what i'm trying to say is that i do know that some people saw it coming, and i can't deny that even i felt that way a bit, but i don't know, it's always still so hard hitting to have that be confirmed outright, to know for a fact that something you loved ended, or will end soon. I suppose because it takes away the deniability you get with like rumours or omens, there isn't any "maybes" to cling to, it's over and you just gotta deal with it whether you like it or not, and that is never an easy thing to go through, i mean ask me from this January, she would know.

But in the face of that, the thought that i found comfort in, and why after the shock settled, i feel strangely okay with it right now, is that i'm much more happy to have been part of this fandom, that it was my first proper community experience. I know that i'm only in like a corner of it right now, and god knows it's hardly the most perfect fandom out there, but i still loved it, i loved reading through all of the stories, i loved the fanart and the writings and all the cool fanwork people have put out, i loved not just seeing the discussions, but actually talking to, and somewhat getting to know the people in the community, and i'm very happy that i got to contribute a little bit myself, i just had an all around great time being here these past couple of years.

For my first fully fledged fandom experience, i feel incredibly fulfilled, even now, i truly mean it when i say that Magireco is the best community i've ever been a part of. EoS be damned, i just don't see myself letting go of it anytime soon

I'll stick around for as long as this fandom breathes.

[lordisitmine]

TTNBD BLOG: PART THREE

Welcome back; as always, spoilers for this week’s installment. Sorry this post is a few days late- I had my hands full with some real-life stuff but it’s the morning of New Year’s Eve and I finally have a day off to sit and write some commentary!

Let’s talk face casts! I don’t normally do real-life face-casts for fictional characters that already exist, but for my OCs it’s kind of necessary, since no one other than me really has a concrete frame of reference for how they look. I tried to draw them of course, but that doesn’t really always translate for me into how they look in my brain. Except for Sybil. My drawing of Sybil was perfect, and the one of her mom as well, that’s exactly how I imagined those two characters, but you can and should disregard the other drawings I did lol. So, if you’re really wondering what Simeon Montrose and Madame LaChance look like, I have good news! I have face casts for them!!

In chapter two, I described Madame LaChance as “the most beautiful woman Lizzy had ever seen” and that’s because I imagined her as the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, or at least one of them, and an actress I’m obsessed with- Carla Gugino. There’s just something about her face and her body and her energy on screen that just makes me feel insane. She has this hypnotic charming quality that is exactly how I wanted characters and readers to feel when they interact with Madame. Incidentally, if you’ve never watched the Haunting of Hill House or The Fall of the House of Usher, I HIGHLY recommend that you do so. Two incredible horror series, both of them are on Netflix and they’re 8 episodes each. She is in both of them. Madame’s hair and eyes are different colours of course but like. That’s the face.

I always had a face cast for Simeon without realising it. When I described him, I had this fac in mind, and then when I actually sat down and thought “who does he look like irl?” my brain was like “Luke Evans. You were thinking of Luke Evans this whole time.” Specifically, these pictures, because his facial hair and age is similar to Simeon’s, even though Simeon’s hair and eyes are a different colour.

Perhaps now that I’ve actually nailed down my face casts, I can do proper portraits of these characters. On top of the rapidly growing pile of other sketches I want to do OOF.

CHAPTER THREE: WAIT AND HOPE

I thought it was time to have some Sybil backstory/POV. The fact that she’s half-demon and has some abilities from that is going to be a much more significant part of the story as we continue, and as a minor spoiler/teaser I will tell you that she had no idea what her dad actually is or what that makes her. Shhhh it’s a surprise for later. Obviously I’ve revealed that she’s able to see the spirits of the dead, but I’m gonna keep her other abilities hush-hush for the time being, she doesn’t even realise she has some of them, and I’ll get into the mythology of half-demon children a bit later. I promise I won’t leave you hanging.

We have a literary reference as a title again! This time it’s from The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas, which is a story about faking your death and getting revenge, among other things. A little on the nose maybe- but it amused me, so I included it. I liked the idea of Ciel having read it in English and having this visceral reaction to it, and then seeing if the context of the line “all human wisdom is contained in these two words- wait and hope” had a different context or meaning that made it less stupid (to him) in French, since he lives in France now, and the book was originally written in French, and things sometime get lost in translation.

Also, I’m half-accidentally half-intentionally mirroring his and Lizzy’s narratives in this story, and she was reading in the last chapter, so it just fell into place when I was trying to give him something to chew on with his angst in this chapter. Don’t worry, that’s the last literary reference I have planned for now, lol.

Let’s talk about the ring!! Ciel’s ring from the series is based on the Hope Diamond, an actual diamond that was owned by many famous people who all ended up suffering horrible deaths/trauma. Life is funny that way, but of course, people decided that it must be the diamond that was cursed. In Ciel’s case, it was a Phantomhive family heirloom, and all of his ancestors who wore the ring ended up dying horrible deaths. Including him.

So, naturally, Sebastian had to take that and turn it on its head. I already reblogged the post on my blog (scroll down a little), but Tumblr users noirserviteur and azuresins designed, 3D printed and then cast in sterling silver (with real stones I think) a replica/depiction of Ciel’s ring, which I used as reference images for my design. I changed the stone, since it is a different, but similar, diamond- the stone in my version is circular, to fit the engraving of the contract seal.

Sebastian giving Ciel a ring is another way to like, show possession, because this motherfucker is possessive. Also, the original ring was a symbol of a curse that was haunted Ciel in his mortal life. This new ring is sort of Sebastian’s way of saying “no one gets to curse/haunt you forever except me” which is super romantic. Not that either of them sees their bond as a curse, but like, it’s an eternal, unbreakable attachment, which is sort of like a curse in some ways I guess. A Super fun, romantic curse.

And they’re dancing! The song they’re dancing to is Waltz no. 19 in A Minor, b.150, OP- Posth (1860) by Frederic Chopin. It’s always a fun writing exercise to describe music as the characters are hearing it, and I hope I did a good job nailing down the vibe. These two are very Chopin-coded to me, whatever that means. I listen to a lot of classical/instrumental music when I write, and while I haven’t made any playlists, I’m partial to these ones on Spotify when I work on this story specifically. This one is one I find to be specific to Lizzy & Sybil. I am a huge music person; I can’t do anything without my tunes.

There… was not supposed to be a sex scene in this chapter. I honestly hadn’t planned on writing one, but oh boy howdy did this thing want to be written. It’s probably the fastest I’ve ever finished a sex scene (it normally takes me AGES to write porn). And it ended up being super hot (if I do say so myself). I guess these two just really wanted to fuck lmao.

Now that the contract is over (or not over, now that it has morphed into something else), Ciel and Sebastian aren’t really master and servant anymore. So, I love flip-flopping on the power dynamics between them, especially when it comes to sex. When Ciel “orders” Sebastian around in this scene, Sebastian doesn’t have to obey, but he chooses to. What would have once been a tangible command is now just role-play and it’s still so fun to write!

The Christmas stuff was fun to write too. As I said, I’m (sort of) intentionally mirroring Ciel and Lizzy’s story lines here, so I wanted Lizzy to get some jewellery too. I browsed through listings for necklaces of the time and found this one, which I thought was just perfect. I would 100% buy it if I had 1,450 US dollars lying around. I think blondes look really great in green, and Lizzy’s eyes are green, so despite her colour scheme in the anime being super pink and girly I’m putting her in a lot green in this story *glances at the next upcoming chapter). I have multiple party-type events lined up in this one so for you purists out there, don’t worry, she’ll be back in pink eventually.

I grew up in Canada, so ice skating on ponds and lakes local rinks, be it for figure skating or hockey or just for fun was a big part of my childhood. I have a lot of fond memories of ice skating with my family and I thought hey, they probably skate on the Thames and the Sienne rivers, right? We Ontarians do that in Ottawa when the Ottawa river freezes up in the winter. I didn’t even bother looking it up to see if they did it/do it in Europe, I just decided that I was going to make it happen. I did, however, make sure I was referencing ice skates as they existed in that time period. I’m not a complete lunatic.

And of course, Lizzy having to teach Sybil how to skate means they’re going to be put in Physical Proximity mwahahaha. The image of Lizzy getting kissed on the cheek by a pretty girl and falling over was burned in my brain and refused to leave me alone until I wrote it. Their romantic relationship is a slower burn but it’s starting to burn brighter from here on out.

I’ll leave the commentary sparse for the last couple of scenes- I don’t want to accidentally give anything away by talking too much about the crime scene or the coalition meeting. Have you figured out who the victim is?? Do you think you might know who’s leading the coalition cult since Sir Arthur kicked it four years ago? Much to think about… until next week xoxo gossip girl

lord_is_it_mine

[our-time-is-now]

September 26, 2019 (2): I know, sometimes sisters just suck…

(previous play)

You can find more information about the authors, translators, content warning and additional information about the plays in the pinned post on our blog.  

Thursday, 3:31 pm:

David: has underestimated the distance to Alex’ apartment a little and realizes while walking that he isn’t really that fit yet but is so angry and disappointed because of Laura that he doesn’t care about any of it can feel tears of anger welling up in his eyes at some part of the way, because what Laura has accused him of hurts him so much and because he doesn’t understand how a discussion about a bit of money could get this out of hand angrily wipes them away and continues walking is quite glad when he eventually reaches the shore of the river Spree and that it’s not that far away now finally arrives at the house in which Alex’ apartment is located and realizes that the front door downstairs is open takes the lift upstairs and only then considers that he maybe should have asked in advance to see if Alex is even at home finally reaches Alex’ floor, takes another deep breath and then rings the doorbell knocks on the door a moment later to signal him that he’s already upstairs

Alex: has worked out over noon and then had a nice long shower is now wearing sweatpants and a hoodie and considers making something to eat or ordering something was just about to go check what’s in his fridge when he hears the doorbell and a knock shortly thereafter slides over the floor toward the door doesn’t press the buzzer and instead opens the door immediately is surprised to see David Hey… what are you doing here? Did I forget we had plans? quickly thinks about if they had any plans only then notices how done David is looking Hang on, did you walk here?

David: is relieved when the door opens and Alex is standing in front of him Hey… smiles slightly even though he’s actually still upset slightly shakes his head at his question and simply goes inside thinks that Alex would kick him out if it’s a bad time No, you didn’t forget anything… then takes a deep breath and looks a little gloomy again was just about to tell him that he had an argument with Laura when he hears Alex’ question frowns a little confused because he doesn’t quite understand why that’s important right now Umm… yes?! slightly shakes his head But that felt quite good to be honest… to calm down… I had a really bad fight with Laura…

Alex: lets him come inside and closes the door behind him turns around and looks at him is relieved that he didn’t forget anything Okay… shakes his head when he says that he walked That’s not good, David… next time you’ll call me, then I’ll pick you up, okay? but then hears that he had an argument and swallows down his speech Okay… then have a seat first… I’ll make us some cocoa and then you’ll tell me about it, ok? somehow feels really weird and only realizes once he’s already in the kitchen that he feels honored that David came to him quickly prepares two big mugs of cocoa and then calls over Hot or cold?

David: turns around to him when he says that it wasn’t good, sighs quietly and nods Yes, okay… but I’m really already doing better… and… no idea… I was so angry and didn’t even think about it… smiles slightly when he says that he’ll make some cocoa and because he doesn’t continue nagging about the fact that he walked so far says quietly Thanks… goes to the sofa and takes his shoes off before he sits down and pulls his legs up gets comfortable and realizes that he’s getting a little calmer briefly thinks at Alex’ question but then calls over Hot… somehow finds hot cocoa more calming and thinks that the temperatures are already allowing for hot cocoa by now

Alex: puts both mugs in the microwave and sets it to 2 minutes thinks that maybe it’s not a bad thing if David can calm down a little before he talks It’s done any second now… then also gets a packet of cookies from the cabinet and already takes it over to David Good for your nerves… grins slightly and then goes back waits for the microwave to beep and gets the mugs out goes back again and puts the mugs down on the table before taking a seat across from David Okay… shoot… what did Laura do?

David: nods when Alex says that it’s done in a second and grins slightly when he already brings over cookies I need those now… thanks! opens the pack and takes one out before putting the pack down next to him on the couch then sees that Alex is bringing the mugs over and that he joins him groans briefly at his question and slightly shakes his head thinks where best to start then exhales and realizes that he’s already getting angry again Somehow it was really stupid - a stupid discussion that somehow got out of hand. My parents always transferred my share of the rent and utilities for the old apartment to Laura… and I got some kind of allowance to my bank account. Anyways, we’re paying less for the flatshare, but my parents still want to transfer the same amount and she wants to give me the entire differential amount. I said that we should share… or save it… I don’t need more money, I can make due with my money! And then it somehow started and it escalated… scoots forward on the sofa to grab his mug of cocoa from the table can feel that it hurts less and less in his stomach, scoots back to the couch with his mug almost without any problems and takes a sip

Alex: also takes a cookie after David opens the pack then listens to him and frowns a little at the end Okay… so… don’t get me wrong, but why don’t you want more money? sees David glower at him Okay, okay… let me guess… you felt patronized? She just decided it? sips from his cocoa and thinks that there has to be something else behind it

David: gives Alex an annoyed secretary’s-office-look at his question, but then nods at his next question Yes, somehow she did. She basically just told me how it’s gonna be… parrots her slightly “I don’t want to discuss this with you right now, David!” pfffs We also could have had a normal conversation about it. And she knows exactly that I can make due with my money, but she makes it seem as if I’m god knows how irresponsible and that without that money I wouldn’t have a chance to survive somehow… sure, a little bit more money is always nice… but she doesn’t exactly earn all that much herself… so it would only be fair if we shared the money… slightly shakes his head But like I said, that was only the beginning… then it somehow escalated. She said something about her being responsible for me and that she busted her ass for me and crap like that… takes another sip of cocoa and then scoots forward again to put the mug back down onto the table can feel once again how much Laura’s words hurt and annoy him

Alex: listens to him and nods slightly can imagine that David’s idea of just apparently wasn’t the same as Laura’s listens to him further and then gets his confirmation that there’s more to it Ahhh… I see… looks at him And? Did she? Bust her ass for you, I mean? Or are you only pissed because it sounds as if you owed her something?

David: scoots back on the couch again, sits down cross-legged and grabs a throw pillow to fumble with the edges of it huffs quietly at his question and shrugs Yes, sure… somehow she did. But I didn’t ask it of her, you understand?! She helped me to enroll at a new school and she organized a car so that we could get my stuff and she helped me organize the bed and the shelf… okay… and she took care of my parents so that they’d give me money… but it’s not like I just put my feet up and pretended as if it were a given! I thanked her thousands of times! Again and again! And it’s not like I didn’t manage anything by myself… I also took care of quite a lot by myself. But now she makes it seem as if she /had/ to do all of that… as if she had been responsible for me. I never asked any of that from her. I somehow also would have managed it on my own… but you know what’s the worst thing? I thought doing all of that was her pleasure! I thought she does it because I’m her brother and because siblings help each other… But now it sounds as if I’m somehow only a burden and a responsibility and someone who can’t manage anything by himself. I really don’t want to be accused of everything she’s done for me with each fight that we’ll have in the future! has abused the pillow while he was talking and now throws it back into a corner of the sofa

Alex: listens to him attentively lifts his eyebrows a little at first when David lists all the things Laura did thinks that’s really a lot and that it was pretty nice of her but then understands toward the end what it’s about for David and nods slightly Yes, sure, I get that… she shouldn’t keep bringing it up again and again to get what she wants… then thinks briefly But it also sounds more as if she was angry that you didn’t simply accept her decision, doesn’t it? then shrugs one shoulder Well if you want to hear my opinion, then it sounds as if you two have to clear up some basics… well, your relationship to each other, basically… it’s actually not a sister’s job to take care of all the things she took care of, is it?

David: reaches for a cookie and bites into it a little frustrated smiles slightly when Alex says that he understands him and nods Exactly! As if that were some kind of leverage or something… nods again, but then shrugs, after all Yes, somehow… I don’t know… ultimately, the fight barely had anything to do with money anymore… then looks at him interestedly when he announces his opinion immediately nods vigorously at his words Exactly! At the end she asked me what I even wanted and then I hit her with the fact that I wanted my sister back! I want my sister and not a second mother! Because that’s exactly the way she somehow acts right now. And sure, none of those things were her job… that would have actually been mine, because at that time, my mother still didn’t care… But I really thought she does this for support and because she likes helping me. Had I known that afterwards, she’d make it sound like /that/, then I would have preferred to take care of everything myself somehow… even if that would have meant sleeping on the floor for three months and getting a job so that I wouldn’t have to beg my parents for money… I would have done all of this just to keep my sister and to not have to deal with this reproachful, arrogant bitch she currently is…

Alex: sighs slightly when David immediately goes off like that again only nods slowly at everything he says Well, I don’t want to defend her, that’s not what this is about, okay? But I do think that doing all of that was her pleasure, helping you, I mean… she does love you, right? And sometimes you go a bit overboard with it… maybe she also felt attacked… or powerless or something? And that’s why she just dished it out? suddenly has to think of Sophie and that she once also told him that he wasn’t her father and that he should mind his own business swallows hard and then quickly grabs his mug again to take a sip

David: takes another bite off his cookie after he’s finished raving and looks at Alex skeptically when he hears the beginning of his sentence slightly shakes his head, then thinks again and shakes it again I really didn’t give her any cause to feel attacked or powerless… well, at least not at first. I just made a counter-suggestion for the money, but she didn’t take me seriously, at all… parrots her again “Don’t be silly, David!” - that’s also something parents say! That’s nothing a sister would say! And yes, okay, in the end I probably attacked her… but she started it… realizes that he sounds defiant and has to laugh quietly Yes, okay, that’s no reason, I know… and man, I’m sorry, I know you just want to help and you want me to understand her so that we can get closer again, but I also want her to understand /me/. And I don’t want to be treated like some depressive ungrateful child that can’t handle anything by himself. I did so much on my own! I don’t need any recognition or praise or something for it… but I do want people to see it… at least I don’t want her to accuse me of the opposite. Of course I care about her opinion… but I feel like she no longer really sees me. We haven’t talked like we did in the beginning in forever! She constantly has something to complain about! I can really do without a sister like that!

Alex: hears that David thinks that he didn’t give her any cause nods slightly but then listens to him further as he talks about his sister and how he’s bitchy and defiant and can’t help but think of Sophie and what he’d give for her to bitch at him once again hears David say that Laura doesn’t see him anymore and has to swallow really hard then hears his last sentence and doesn’t think before it spills out of him Dude, David, be glad that you still have your sister to bitch at! breathes heavily and realizes only now what he just said gets scared and backpedals quickly I mean… just be glad that you two care about each other… knows that it was a weak attempt, but can’t think clearly right now

David: has grabbed the pillow again while he raged and is taking a deep breath to continue talking when Alex interrupts him at first thinks that he misheard him and looks at him confused takes a moment for the words to register with him and feels his heartbeat speed up a little when he realizes what his words might mean - which is that either Alex and his sister are so estranged that they’re no longer in contact… or something worse then sees that he’s breathing heavier than he did a moment ago and is a little overwhelmed for a moment as to what to say or do then hears his attempt to somehow neutralize his words, but suddenly can’t really think about Laura anymore right now asks hesitantly, a little breathless and with his heart beating faster What is that supposed to mean, that I still have my sister? Do you… no longer have yours?

Alex: curses himself right now for letting it slip knows that it only happened because he already trusts David so much still wasn’t really ready to share that with him swallows once it’s obvious that his attempt at neutralizing it didn’t work looks away from him at the tabletop when he hears his question Sophie… died. Two and a half years ago. takes a deep breath and then looks at him But now it’s about your sister and not mine. Sorry, I didn’t want to spill that.

David: can see that Alex isn’t looking at him anymore and guesses that the comment just slipped out of him and that he didn’t really want to talk about his sister then hears that she really died and has to swallow hard while he sees that Alex takes a deep breath murmurs quietly Shit… that… I’m sorry, Alex… slightly shakes his head when he says that it’s about Laura and not about Sophie and even has to laugh a little disbelievingly You can’t seriously think that I’ll keep raging about Laura if you… Fuck man, I’m sorry that I’m making such a fuss, and you’d probably be glad if you could make one again… takes a deep breath and then looks at him scrutinizingly Do you want to tell me about it? About how she died? has to think about their conversation about the piano and that back then, Alex changed the topic quite quickly and told him that he’d tell him the story another time quickly adds Well only if you want to… realizes that somehow he has a thousand questions, but doesn’t want to seem insensitive or too nosey if it’s hard for Alex to talk about it in the first place

Alex: can feel his wall rebuild immediately when David apologizes doesn’t want pity and doesn’t want those looks looks up in shock when David laughs shakes his head You can always make a fuss… presses his lips together when he naturally asks questions actually wants to decline, wants to tell him that it’s not possible and that he doesn’t have to feel bad but then hears his addition and looks at him again looks at him and just knows that he can tell him, that he trusts David and that David will respect his boundaries swallows and then says quietly My sister was majorly depressed… it took a while until she found a therapist she could work with… once she was doing better she met a guy… he talked her into believing that she doesn’t need any of this, that the therapist would put her against him and it’s actually her family that is bad for her… so she took off to Bali with him… and got depressed again… that guy couldn’t deal with it… he left her alone or dragged her along to parties… he did drugs with her and I don’t know what else… takes a deep breath and plays with his rings I tried to get through to her… I kept saying that I’ll come visit her… or that I’d get her away from there… she took offense and at some point broke off all contact with me… and eventually, the German embassy contacted us… twists the rings on his fingers around …that was it.

David: can feel that Alex doesn’t want pity and thinks that he should have realized it himself because he’s not the type for it slightly shakes his head at his words and says quietly I know… but it’s not always only about me… can feel Alex hesitate when he asks and thinks that he’ll accept it immediately if Alex doesn’t want to talk about it, but that he wishes that Alex trusts him enough that he’ll maybe open up to him, after all is then almost surprised when Alex immediately starts talking without beating around the bush and listens to him briefly presses his lips together when he tells him about her illness, and frowns slightly when he mentions the guy nods in between, to show him that he’s listening, and feels a small lump in his throat when Alex tells him that he tried to get through to her and that she broke off all contact with him swallows slightly when he finishes and lets all of that sink in eventually asks quietly And how did she die?

Alex: swallows at David’s question was hoping that it would be obvious and that he wouldn’t have to say it out loud takes the last sip of his cocoa because his throat is so dry She killed herself. puts the mug back on the table The doctors said it was an involuntary overdose, but she was depressed and wasn’t getting any treatment… slightly balls his fists The asshole just let her keep taking drugs… shakes his head thanks to Mia and his therapist, he has learned to manage his aggression and anger towards Björn No matter what happened… she was sick and she didn’t have any help. looks up and at David So when I say that you can be glad that Laura is here and that you fight about how much she helped you… then I mean it just like that… I know, sometimes sisters simply suck and right now you’re angry… but maybe you’ll just ask yourself for a second where you would be without her…

David: keeps listening to Alex, hears that Sophie has killed herself and something about an overdose, but somehow feels like there’s a ringing in his ears because all of this is so horrible but tries to concentrate on Alex and nods again slightly at what he tells him can imagine that Alex is pretty furious with the guy who didn’t take proper care of his sister and who let it come this far swallows slightly when he says that she didn’t have help and swallows even more when Alex looks again and makes implications about Laura doesn’t really want to imagine where he’d be without her and feels a lump in his throat swallows against it, clears his throat and then says with a very scratchy quiet voice I know… you’re right… briefly closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and tries to collect himself then looks at Alex and says quietly All of that’s really pretty hard… and I… well I can imagine that it’s hard to talk about it and if I say or ask anything stupid or something that you don’t want to answer then just tell me, okay? waits for his okay before he hesitantly asks And how do you fare with it now? I mean, are you somehow dealing with it?

Alex: hears how scratchy David’s voice is and is a little moved by it, but also feels embarrassed about it was just about to offer him something to drink, also to calm down a little himself, when David already talks again nods slightly when he says that he should tell him if he says something stupid then hears his question and has to laugh quietly and bitterly for a second Well you can see me now… am I dealing with it? shrugs one shoulder I wasn’t really able to deal with it, no… school was a catastrophe, my parents didn’t care… it was obvious pretty quickly that I won’t pass my Abi… and then Mia confronted me in the middle of the school yard… smiles briefly So, well, since I got together with Mia and since I started going to therapy on a regular basis again it’s been better… do you remember Heidesee? When you wanted to know something personal about me and I told you about my fear of loss? Now you know where that comes from… and part of it was also anger and aggression, panic attacks and the inability to allow myself to feel… briefly presses his lips together But how do the therapists put it? It’ll get better step by step. So yes, I’m doing better than only a year ago and much better than two years ago…

David: hears his question and also briefly shrugs one shoulder so far, felt that he does somehow deal with it, but also had the feeling that there was more to Alex… that he had his reasons why he is the way he is, that there have to be reasons for his fear of loss and aloofness and reasons for him being in therapy, and he now thinks that Sophie’s death surely is one of the main reasons for that - apart from his weird parents probably then listens to him further, nods and smiles slightly when he mentions Mia and when he also smiles then nods more vigorously when he asks about Heidesee then hears that he doesn’t only have fear of loss but also a lot more and suddenly finds all of that somehow pretty logical and understandable then smiles slightly when he repeats a typical therapist-sentence and nods says quietly I’m happy that you’re doing a little better… then briefly gnaws on his bottom lip and hesitates again before he says It somehow explains a lot… well I think most people in your situation would experience fear of loss… if you know what happened to you, then you can understand it… slightly clears his throat and then asks Who knows about it?

Alex: smiles slightly when he says that he’s happy that he’s doing better Yes, so am I… nods slightly when he says that it’s understandable Yes, maybe… no idea… as you know, I don’t care all that much if others understand me or not… then presses his lips together when he hears his next question Back then I had this buddy - Sam… he only knows that she died, but no details… and then Mia and now you. looks at David and can already imagine what his next question will be And I can’t really tell you why. I never wanted for that to be my thing, you know? Oh, there’s Hardenberg, the one who lost his sister… shrugs one shoulder So I never told anyone and so word never got around.

David: has to grin slightly when Alex says that it’s not that important to him if others understand him, but then gets serious again immediately when he presses his lips together hears that actually only Mia knows about it and an old buddy knows part of it and grimaces slightly at the thought how lonely Alex must have been during that time and how awful it must be to somehow deal with it by yourself wants to ask him why he didn’t tell more people about it when Alex already explains it himself humms thoughtfully and murmurs quietly I can somehow understand that… that you didn’t want to be reduced to that… then shakes his head a little But that you haven’t told anyone… well, that you really thought that everyone would see you this way… What about this Sam? Why didn’t you tell him everything?! I mean, if your parents already didn’t care… you /have/ to talk to someone, right? wonders how one can deal with something like that on your own

Alex: presses his lips together when David asks further questions then looks away from him toward the kitchen has to think about the conversations that his parents tried to have with him and when he knew exactly that they didn’t really want to do that but also thinks about how difficult it was to tell Mia about it and how alone he felt afterward therefore shakes his head a little answers briefly One doesn’t have to do anything, okay? then looks back on the table and finally at David, after all Leave it, okay? It is what it is and that’s the end of it. thinks that David should actually understand it, because he didn’t want to tell anyone that he’s trans, either but then also thinks that this probably isn’t comparable and that probably no one can understand him who didn’t go through the same shit as he did

David: can feel that Alex doesn’t really like his question when he looks away and hesitates nods slightly and hesitantly at his words and murmurs quietly Yes, okay, right… still wonders if he didn’t sometimes feel the urge didn’t really have that all too often, himself, but at least he knew that he always could have gone to Bea and Laura if he wanted to, which he didn’t want to do all that often in order to not burden them too much and so that they wouldn’t worry wonders if Alex might have felt similar and that he didn’t want the people around him to worry, but then thinks that you can’t really compare the situations then looks at him scrutinizingly when he suggests leaving it be, but then accepts it and nods slightly takes another sip of cocoa, which is cold by now, but which doesn’t bother him, and sighs quietly wonders if Alex wants to put the topic of Sophie behind him in general or if he just doesn’t want to talk about what it was like after her death looks at him and then asks carefully And what was Sophie like? Before she got so sick… was she similar to you?

Alex: is relieved when David agrees and then really leaves it be takes the last sip of his cold cocoa and then leans back is just considering whether he should ask David about Laura again now to change the topic when David asks about Sophie some more is pretty surprised briefly thinks and then shrugs one shoulder No… I don’t think so… she was pretty chaotic… a free spirit as my mother used to put it… she always wanted to try and explore everything… she used to make up plays and performed them to us… to me and the nanny, that is… very rarely also to my parents… she always wanted to be an actress… slightly shrugs one shoulder thanks to Mia and his therapist, he can now talk about Sophie without immediately wanting to hole himself up, but he still doesn’t consider it pleasant or freeing as some people might find it

David: is happy when Alex really talks some more about Sophie and smiles slightly at his words, and a little more at his tales about the theater Sounds pretty creative… What were her plays about? grins slightly And were the nanny and you a good audience? I mean, with siblings something like that sometimes also annoys you… I once had a phase where I constantly wrote stories that I wanted to read to Laura, and at first she still listened very patiently, but eventually I think it got a little too much for her… takes another cookie from the pack and then remembers something else Was Sophie younger or older than you?

Alex: smiles slightly Oh, always about the strong girl that travels the world… and always different people that she meets and so on… then laughs slightly Yes, eventually it got annoying… when I rather wanted to listen to music or watch TV… but she always gave me puppy-dog eyes and begged and then I just watched it… then looks at David What were your stories about? also takes another cookie because he feels like it’s getting easier now She was older than me, by the way… two years…

David: sees that Alex is smiling when he asks about the theater plays and is a little happy that he apparently likes to remember it grins slightly at his answer So strong women and so on… nods tellingly while still grinning Not bad… then has to laugh quietly when Alex tells him about the puppy-dog eyes and the begging and then suddenly sees himself standing before Laura asking her to put her book aside and to listen to him instead gets pulled from his thoughts when Alex asks him about his stories and chuckles and exhales Oh… the usual, somehow… about some boys that experience big adventures, fight evil, help the weak… stuff like that… laughs quietly If we had known each other back then then maybe I could have written a script for your sister… then hears how old she was and nods

Alex: grins slightly when David talks about his books and even more so when he says that he could have written the script You two surely would have gotten along… nods slowly Sometimes I wonder what she would have thought of Mia… or now of all of you… it’s somehow weird to imagine it… she probably would have found Kiki annoying, but Sam super cool… grins slightly She would have argued with Jonas and she probably would have had a crush on Matteo… shrugs one shoulder and sighs slightly Well… doesn’t matter…

David: lowers his gaze a little embarrassed and overwhelmed when Alex says that they surely would have gotten along well and thinks that it’s really sad that they can never find it out then looks at Alex again when he voices his thoughts and nods smiles slightly when he tries to gauge Sophie's thoughts about the friend group and thinks that surely the people must have grown on him now if he thinks about what his sister would have thought of them shakes his head with a small chuckle at the end when he’s talking about Matteo, but bites back on some semi-jealous comment sighs quietly at his final statement and briefly presses his lips together eventually says quietly I don’t think that it doesn’t matter… it’s rather sad that you can no longer find it out… smiles again slightly But you probably guessed quite right… you just knew her… then grins a little Well… or… if you believe in the fact that the soul really somehow lives on then it might also be possible that right now Sophie is thinking: “What crap is Alex talking right now!? I never would have gotten into discussions with Jonas” or something… slightly presses his lips together and says half as a conclusion But no matter what, Alex… she surely would be glad that you’re doing better… and that you have Mia…

Alex: nods slightly when David says that it’s sad Yes, it is… then really has to laugh quietly when David talks about her soul Yes, or she’d say: “Hello, if I had a crush on Matteo then I would find David stupid and wouldn’t let him write any scripts for me”. finds fooling around with David nice somehow, even though he didn’t even know Sophie tilts his head a little at his last sentence Yes, maybe… I hope so… then takes a deep breath Okay but now: Another cocoa? Let’s talk about Laura again? And yes, that’s totally okay… I won’t break down just because we’re talking about another sister for a change, I promise.

David: also laughs quietly when Alex really jumps in on his musings True! So we’ll cross out the crush on Matteo! I already have a crush on him. And if Sophie also had one, then it would be difficult for her and me to be friends… then nods again very confidently at his hope and adds a little more serious …and maybe she’d also be glad that someone else knows about it now… well apart from Mia and Sam… that you have someone else to talk about it if you ever have the urge, after all… smiles slightly …someone who’s grateful that you trusted him with it… even if it wasn’t planned and intentional and even if it only slipped out… slightly presses his lips together and shrugs No idea… maybe she’d like that… then also takes a deep breath, empties his mug at Alex’ question, and nods then smiles slightly at his addition And even if, now I would know why… then struggles up to go to the kitchen with Alex says in the meantime And about Laura… sighs quietly No idea… I think I really have to let all of this sink in first… and then talk to her again…

Alex: can hear what else he says about Sophie and also thinks that he might be right, but can’t and doesn’t want to think about it any further right now actually finds it nice that he can talk to David like this, but also thinks that he simply doesn’t know Sophie therefore only nods slightly at everything Yes, maybe… but… like I said… moves his head to say “not any more right now” is glad when David comes to the kitchen with him takes his mug from him and prepares two new cocoas then nods when he talks about Laura again Yes, I think so, too… sounds as if both of you have to calm down a little…

David: drinks another cocoa with Alex after they sat back on the couch and talks to him about Laura some more but somehow feels as if the topic somehow lost momentum or rather that he doesn't really want to whine about Laura in front of Alex any further feels like what Alex just told him about Sophie has to sink in with him first, but that this fact still doesn’t diminish his currently negative feelings toward Laura still finds it pretty hurtful and stupid that Laura acted that way eventually glances at the clock and realizes that it’s already a little after 5 and that he’s been at Alex’ for almost two hours glances at his phone and sees that he has a few texts from Matteo and that at the end, he also asked him if everything was okay because he hasn’t replied in so long quickly texts him back that he’ll tell him later and that he’s looking forward to seeing him then feels how much he misses Matteo and spontaneously looks up connections from Alex to Lambda to pick Matteo up from work shares this thought with Alex, who immediately offers to drive him to Lambda feels a little bad to still use Alex’ shuttle services even though he’s already more or less fit, but then lets Alex talk him into driving him to Lambda, after all

(next play)

[klainesheilen]

internships

found in my drafts, it looks like I have forgotten to post it

I hate internships and by this I don’t mean the internships I’d do itself, I rather hate the whole process before. Sitting down, making research about the place(s) you want to apply to and the worst actually writing the application. The thought of it alone exhausts me so much, ugh. But why is it like that? I have the feeling that writing about myself and give them reasons why I am THE candidate for them is just a huge lie. Or at least I have told myself that. The way I write in applications do not represent who I am, it’s more about a version of me which they want to hear about. And I have to problems with this application writing;

one: There is something in me (BPD is this you?), that tells me I'm lying. I’m not an enthusiastic person, who works well with other people and enjoys learning about new stuff and things that challenge me are only a motivation to keep on. I can be this person and sometimes I'm just some parts of this person at a time, but what the voices in my head are telling me is “You are a piece of shit, you know it and they will also know it once they have read this crap that you have just written. So why applying in the first place?”.

two: ok, I think it’s more about me self-sabotaging myself. I think I make it so hard for myself before I have even started to do anything, so that I won’t start at all. Having this voice telling me over and over and over again that there is no point to begin with… it’s exhausting and demotivating. I mean, it took me a week to finally sit down and to just have a look at the publication company only to find out that they already don’t search for any new applications. If I only sat down. If I only wrote this application. I’m sabotaging myself. I don’t deserve this. I wouldn't deserve this. Gosh, why am I doing this to myself? Am I that much afraid of adulthood? As a 26 year old? Or am I simply afraid of a my future? But why so? I’m staring at my monitor and can’t think of a reason. Not even a dumb one. (minutes are passing by). Usually I’m afraid of what people think of me, but if I got a big girlboss job why should they judge me in any negative way? Even now that I'm studying and working part time as a waitress people are still proud of me. Or not proud, but they support me. I just can’t find a reason for this self-sabotaging behavior.

Interesting what a turn the actual idea of the blog post has made. I wanted to write about internships, that I see why they can be important for some people, but also about unpaid internships and that you have to work full time for a minimum of three months and not even get paid for it. How one should survive in such conditions? How should one pay rent? Pay life? Pay food? Just so one can add this experience to their CV. I wanted to write about this and I ended up with a question that I can not answer about myself and my self-sabotaging behavior.

so this was from the end of November or something in December. I can't really tell, and since then I have sent two applications in the publication industry. One to an unpaid internship that I have to do for at least three months and a paid one that would also want me to work for the same time period. Well, they haven't even answered, but the unpaid one mailed me back and after some correction and translation they've decided that they want me. And I am happy, I guess, it's just I can't tell why I am not ~that~ happy with it. Anyway, maybe it's the self-sabotage again. Maybe it's a gutfeeling (from my self-sabotage, lol), but my internship starts 1st February, so I will keep you updated on my thoughts and impressions.

[jadegrey711]

Gentle Giant

Hank Loza x Fem!Reader

A/N: Hello my loves! I finally got some inspiration we’ll see if this lasts, but yes I am alive I’ve just been so busy since the last time I posted! I got two jobs and I’m back at school and it feels good to be busy but sad that I can’t find the inspiration to write but I’m trying. To anyone who has sent me a request I have them I think about them day and night I just gotta find the time to write them. Thanks for the support.

Prompt:  I was thinking (if you can, if not you can tweak it a bit) a nsfw situation during a club house party with reader and Hank. Hank gets a little handsy and bam… I’ve been in a puddle of Hank feels lately

*Not my Gif* 

Thanks again @emarie98​ for the prompt!

If you like my stories you can check out my sideblog @jadegreywriting​​​ to see all of them and my masterlist without filtering through my main blog. I own all rights to this story and do not give permission for my stories to be published, translated or reposted anywhere else. The only places I have published my stories is here on Tumblr and on my AO3 account (LadyAuthor711)

This story is for 18+ ONLY. It contains sexual themes that are not suited for younger audiences so if you’re under 18 my blog and this story is not for you. Please make sure to read at your own discretion and remember that you are solely responsible for your content intake.

The party felt like any other that was always going on at the Mayans’ clubhouse with plenty of booze and women going around. And just like every other party you were at your station in the corner of the room tattooing another biker. This time it was Creeper who asked for yet another detailed and mostly naked girl plastered somewhere on his body. 

“You should start charging admission for the peep show every time you take off your shirt Creep.” You laughed as he flexed under your hands. 

“What are you talking about,Y/N? This ain’t no peep show, this is a work of art babe.” He flexed his arms causing one of his earlier works to move. 

“I don’t think a lot of people consider a woman with busty and unrealistic tits to be a work of art.” 

“Art is subjective, babe.” 

“Remind me not to look at what you consider art.” You both laugh at that and don’t notice Hank and Angel in the other corner of the room talking. 

“So you and Y/N, a thing?” Angel asked Hank. 

“I guess yeah. Yes we are.” Hank said affirmatively, feeling a small amount of pride swell in his chest. 

“You sure about that? I mean she’s a fucking woman and well you’re ... you. No offense buddy. But do you think you can handle a woman like that? Sexually? Maybe you need a helping hand, maybe she could be the new initiation for club members, you tap out and the rest of the club taps in.” He chuckled to himself and took a swig of his beer. 

“Shut the fuck up Angel.” Hank said slowly, trying to keep his calm. 

“Hey! I’m just stating the obvious here. I mean look at how comfy her and Creep are. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind being shared.” 

“Get the fuck out of here before I really get pissed.” Hank snarled, and Angel quickly got off the couch with a chuckle and made his way over to where Bishop and other members were gathered around talking. 

Hank looked over to you and Creeper and felt a spark of jealousy as you laid your hands on Creeper’s bare shoulders, the grip on his beer getting tighter as Angel’s words sunk into his skin. 

“It already looks great, Y/N.” 

“Thanks Creep. I’ll see you next time for another session and we’ll finish her up.” 

“Looking forward to it.” 

As Creeper walked away from your station you began doing a quick cleanup before you spotted Hank sitting on one of the plus couches, eyeing you intently. You made your way over to Hank and promptly sat in his lap. 

“Hey baby.” You purred, feeling his strong thighs under you as you shifted to better distribute your weight on his lap. Hank said nothing, but you knew something was wrong, as you took in the white knuckle grip Hank had on his beer bottle.

“What has you all grumpy? Hmm?” 

Hank doesn’t say anything, only lets out a low groan as you twist on his lap. He only wraps his arms around your middle settling his hands on your ass, his large hands gripping your ass sending a low purr through you. 

“What is it baby?” You ask as you lean forward and kiss his face, first starting with his cheeks, then his nose and finally giving him a chaste kiss to the lips. As soon as your lips pressed to his, Hank got up with you still in his lap. His large hands had no trouble keeping you up and cradled to his body. 

You let out a small giggle as you asked. “Hank, Honey? Where are we going?” 

Hank didn’t let out another word as he walked past the other bikers and you noticed as he gave Angel an especially dirty look and you suddenly understood what kind of night you were in for.

*** 

“Hank, baby. What did Angel say that got you so wound up?” You both were back at Hank’s place and he was walking towards you like a predator with his prey in sight. 

“I don’t want to talk about him right now. I want you to take off your clothes for me sweetheart, so I can suck on those pretty nipples.” 

“Hank.” you said his name like a breathy whisper, bedplay with Hank was always fun and extremely satisfying but it was rare that you’d get him like this. Like a taut wire that was about to snap. You immediately did as he requested and grabbed the hem of your tank top and pulled it over your head, before going for the clasps of your bra. All the while Hank was following your every step as you backed yourself into Hank’s bed, and threw your bra somewhere in Hank’s bedroom. 

You stood there as he closed the space between the two of you, your jeans were still on but your chest was bare before him. He reached his hand out and traced his thumb around one of your nipples, the sensation immediately causing the little bud to go taut under his touch. 

“Hank.” You let out a small moan, feeling yourself get even wetter than you were sitting in his lap at the clubhouse, and he had barely even touched you yet. Hank said nothing as he took his other thumb and did the same with the other nipple, he was only giving you the barest of touches and it was driving you mad. 

“Hank baby, please. I need you to touch me.” 

“I am touching you honey.” Hank smiled for the first time tonight. 

“I need more baby, please.” 

“Okay honey.” He whispered, leaning his face to yours before giving you a sweet kiss to your lips. You reached out and wrapped your arms around his neck, feeling your nipples rub against his leather kutte that he was still wearing, which only added to your arousal. Hank pulled away first earning a low whine from you, before he placed his hand on your chest and pushed you back onto the bed. 

“This is my favorite thing in the whole world. Seeing you naked on my bed, just for me.” 

“Only for you baby.” You nodded, reaching for your jeans. But Hank brushed your hand away and took his index finger and traced it down your chest to your tummy before reaching the top button of your jeans. 

“Such a good girl for me huh?” he asked as he started undoing your jeans, purposely taking his time with the top button and slowly dragging down the zipper. 

“Hank, stop teasing me.” You whined as you wiggled under his gaze. 

“You’re right baby. I’m teasing you for too long. It’s not fair to tease my good girl for so long and not give her what she wants.” He purred as he pulled off your jeans in one swift move, leaving you bare in just your panties, and Hank could see just how soaked you were. “Such a good girl.” He repeated the praise, as he hooked his fingers in the waistband of your panties and pulled them down, at the same time kneeling before you. 

You watched intently as Hank pocketed the panties in a pocket of his kutte, before tracing his hands up your thighs and spreading you for him. “Such a pretty pussy, baby. Bet it tastes just as sweet as it looks.” He whispered before leaning down and placing a kiss to your clit and that almost sent you over the edge. Then it was like that wire in Hank finally snapped, his gentle teasing was gone and in its wake was someone insatiable. 

Hank hooked his arms under your legs, keeping you open and spread for him as he devoured you, you let out a scream as Hank pressed two of his fingers in your heat as he sucked harshly on your clit. He wasted no time, searching your heat for that sweet spot that makes you arch your back for him. When he found it he moved those two fingers in a tortuous “come here” motion that sent you spiraling. 

“Oh my god Hank!” You cried as you felt your first orgasm rip through you. Hank didn’t soothe you through your aftershocks like he usually did but just kept up the same pace, not slowly for a moment and you felt your next orgasm already start to build. 

“Making such a mess for me baby. Go ahead and make another one, I’ll clean it up for you.” He said as he traced your quivering heat with his tongue before licking you clean, just so he could make another mess. 

“Hank, please I can’t take anymore.” you whimpered. 

Hank pulled away from your weeping heat, looking down in appreciation at your pretty pussy covered in your own arousal and thinking about how much he couldn’t wait to see you covered in his own arousal. 

“Yes you can honey.” He growled, before undoing his pants and pulling them down, revealing his hard and thick cock; showing you that this was the sweetest of tortures for him too. 

“You’re going to take me, baby. And everyone will know that you’re mine and no one is going to mess with that.” He growled. 

You watched completely mesmerized as he stroked his thick cock, and lined himself up with you, before sinking himself deep in you.

Hank was enamored at the sight of his cock, sinking deeper into your tight pussy, watching as he was being swallowed whole by you. He groaned, bracing himself on his hands on either side of your head, as he let the pleasure of being inside you vibrate through his skin. Hank knew he wasn’t going to last long, not with the pace he was setting as he pounded into your pretty pussy, earning all those sweet sounds that came from those luscious lips. 

“Hank, baby I’m so close.” You moaned, your nails racking down the back of his kutte, pulling his body even closer to yours. 

“Come for me sweetheart.” He ordered, his thick fingers reaching for your aching clit and rubbing it in harsh circles, finally bringing you over that delicious edge. You cried out as your orgasm ripped through you, the feeling of your walls clenching on Hank’s cock bringing him over the edge with you, painting your insides with his release. 

You both were breathless as Hank rolled you both so you were laying on his stomach, with Hank managing to stay inside you, as your breathing slowed. You both were speechless as your breathing calmed, you more than Hank as you just pondered what exactly happened and how you got to this point. Not that you were complaining though. 

“Hank baby?” 

“Yeah?” 

“What happened at the club? Did someone say something?” Hank didn’t say anything and you let out a low groan at Hank’s silence. “Did Angel say something?” 

“He may have said something about the club sharing you, since I couldn’t keep up with you… sexually.” He said that bashful side reappearing.

You chuckled. “Well obviously Angel is a fucking idiot but you don’t actually have to know the fucker to find that out.” You both let out a laugh at that, before you sighed, snuggling closer to Hank’s chest, listening for that thundering heart that beats only for you. 

“I’ll tattoo “Fucking Idiot” across his forehead next time I see him. Bishop will approve.” 

“I don’t see Bishop having any problem with that.” Hank laughed. 

The silence between you wasn’t awkward but you knew Hank still was feeling insecure about what Angel said. You grabbed his chin and made him look at you in the eyes. “You know I love you though right? And not because you’re a fucking tiger in the sack. Because you got such a sweetheart Hank… and because you're a hurricane in bed. And if you want we can show Angel just how much I love sucking that cock of yours.” You smiled devilishly as Hank blushed. 

“I think we can just stick with tattooing ‘Fucking Idiot” on his forehead.” 

“If you insist.” You teased him, before settling back on his chest. 

“I love you too baby.” Hank whispered before kissing the top of your head. 

[isshonihongo]

11.8) The が Particle [Part 1]

The last particle we should look at is が. I know that I basically started this blog off by talking about が, but it doesn’t hurt to refresh your memory, right? Hopefully this post can shed some new light on JUST how important the が particle really is. Here is your vocabulary for this post, served fresh!

【Communicating New Information】

The point of any language is to communicate new information. Different languages use different grammar to do this, but it is the basis of human communication. When it comes to Japanese, there are actually three different ways that the language communicates new information, and they all involve the が particle! Let’s take a look, shall we?

【Method 1】

First is the typical way. The topic is introduced by は... Maybe “introduced” isn’t the best word to use because it’s not actually new information. The topic will always be something that the listener / reader is already familiar with. That’s why I often use “as for...” or “you know...” in my translations. To some extent, the listener should already have a clue what the topic is. It’s very similar to how we use the article “the” in English. If you randomly say, “I saw the cat yesterday” to a friend, they won’t know what in the world you’re talking about unless you have talked about that specific cat before.

At any given time, this topic is floating above the conversation. As the conversation flows, the topic is constantly refreshed and changed. Things that are new information can quickly become the new topic. However, the speaker has to bring attention to this new topic first.

After you bring attention to the topic, you make a comment / comments about it until a new topic is brought up. These comments are where the new information comes in. Sometimes, the subject will be marked by が while other times there will be an invisible subject (when the subject and the topic are the same thing). We talked about this way back in this post. Here is a visual aide for you:

【Method 2】

The second method of introducing new information is where が is used for  emphasis. In these kinds of sentences, the part of the comment that comes after が is NOT new information. The new information is what comes before が. When Japanese speakers ask questions, they often use this construction. Here is another visual aide to help you: 

Here is an example:

①｛誰が｝｛ジュースを飲んだ｝の？

= Who? (as the subject) drank the juice. Also, explain.

= Who drank the juice? (the nuance is that the person asking wants details)

In example 1, it would already be known that someone drank the juice, right? The question (unknown information) is WHO. The answer will tell you who drank the juice, but in the meantime you use the question word 誰 and mark it with が. It temporarily holds the place of the new information that you will receive.

【Method 3】

The third and final method for introducing new information is sometimes called the “news が.” There is no particular emphasis on what comes before or after the が. It’s ALL new.

Here are some examples: 

② 昔々、あるところに｛おじいさんとおばあさんが｝｛**いました｝。

= Long long ago, an old man and woman existed.

= There once lived an old man and woman.

This example comes from the Japanese fairy tale called Momotarō and is typical of fairy-tale-style openings. Before we heard this sentence we didn’t know about the old man or woman. We also didn’t know that they lived (of course!). Since this is all new information, instead of は, the が particle is used.

③ ｛台風１２が｝｛温帯低気圧に変化｝

= Typhoon #12 (as the subject) change to a temperate cyclone

= Typhoon 12 (has) changed to a temperate cyclone.

Example 3 came from LINE (the most commonly-used messenger app in Japan) News. You would expect this to be a typical news article heading because it uses method 3, which is the news が  (also because there is no verb, adjective or copula bundle at the end). News stories often use this third method to simply introduce information. As soon as you start reading the article, は can be attached to either 台風１２ or 温帯低気圧に変化 because they instantly become “already-known information”. In fact, the first line of the article says:

８月２４日 (火) ９時に、台風１２は日本海で温帯低気圧に変わりました。

= on Aug. 24th at 9 AM, you know Typhoon 12? at the Sea of Japan, (it) changed into a temperate cyclone

= On Aug. 24th at 9AM, Typhoon 12 at the Sea of Japan changed into a temperate cyclone.

Keep in mind that if a writer chooses to start a story or article with は, it is a deliberate choice. Sometimes writers want to throw us into the world of the story right away. Using は on purpose instead of this third method is a very common technique used in Japanese writing to immerse the reader as soon as possible.

【Two Versions of が】

Now might be a good time to mention that you have actually seen two different versions of the が particle! There is the exhaustive が and the neutral が. 

The exhaustive (or focus) が places emphasis on whatever it’s attached to. It assumes that the topic is information that the listener / reader already knows. が is the particle that marks the new information. This が is what you saw in methods 1 and 2.

On the other hand, the neutral (or news) が spreads out the emphasis to the whole sentence. This makes the whole sentence new information. This が appears in method 3.

It’s very subtle, but in spoken conversation you can sometimes actually hear the difference in stress between the two が particles! Since one of them places emphasis on something, and the other doesn’t, native speakers do distinguish between the two (even if they are not aware of it).

【Conclusion】

In this post we looked at the Japanese language’s 3 ways of introducing new information. In my first few posts I stressed that the が particle always marks the subject of the sentence. While this is true, now I can tell you that even more importantly, が is always associated with marking new information.

I have one last post about the が particle coming up next, so keep a look out for that. In the meantime stay safe, and keep those likes, questions, mentions and reblogs (with really funny hashtags!) coming, I REALLY appreciate them and I appreciate YOU. Remember, when it comes to Japanese, never stop learning!

Rice & Peace,

– AL (アル)

👋🏾

** Some versions of Momotarō use 住んでいました instead of いました. I even came across some versions that used おりました, which is just another way to say いました. 

[potteresque-ire]

Hi, I love your blog! About your last post I also agree with you that often the more interesting candies are the one about everyday almost domestic interactions, even if it's often hard to prove they are real. About the contributor you mentioned (little red little green), i wanted to ask you if you happened to know a place where I can read the translation of those fake rumors or maybe if there is an archive. I read some translations here and there but I am really interested in other "rumoured" stuff I can't seems to find. Thanks!

Hello Anons! Happy 314!!

I’m sorry I don’t know where there may be an archive of translated fake rumours. I’ve seen these twitter accounts posting at least some translations, but I don’t know how complete they are. Does anyone have more information for Anon?

The window cleaning robot and Dd buying dragon fruit rumours are examples of Little Red Little Green’s submissions, the original of which you can find on this Weibo. I read these rumours in Chinese, and so I don’t know where to find their translations (sorry, so many don’t know’s in one post!). Since I managed to dig up the rumour about the window cleaning robots, however, here’s a fresh-from-the-oven translation for you! 🔴= Gg 💚= Dd 👨‍🦱👨‍💼👩🧑= Gg and Dd’s team

01 🔴: I’m saying, you spend money on useless things. 02 💚: Mom’s not using it?  03 🔴: Home’s got the brush. And this one’s remote-controlled. 04 💚: It’s got the Instruction Booklet, has it not? I also bought one for my own home.  05 🔴: ......... 06 🔴: Did you buy shipping insurance? 07 💚: You want to return them? 08 💚: I didn’t buy it! 09 👨‍🦱👨‍💼👩🧑(Gg and Dd’s team): Hahahahahahaha  10 🔴: I really don’t know if I should call you lazy or what. 11 💚: It’s convenient. Everyone buys it for Chinese New Year. 12 🔴asking 👨‍🦱: Did you buy it? 13 👨‍🦱: Is “it” a miraculous machine? 14 🔴: Window cleaning robot. Does it sound like a miraculous machine to you? 15 👨‍🦱: I don’t have it at home. 16 🔴: Doesn’t everyone buy it? Say what you made the purchase for. We don’t have a use for it at home. 17 💚: Saved 500 RMB on the sales event. 18 🔴: You think you profited, don’t you? 19 💚: Oh! It’s 1,500 RMB saved! 20 🔴: .........

(CPN below) As with most fake rumours, this one was a bit of a head-scratcher for me during my initial read (they all are, even in Chinese 😊). But the tiny story, the way I’m able to interpret it now, is as follows: 

Dd actually got three window cleaning robots: one for Gg and Dd’s own home in Beijing, one for Gg’s family in Chongqing, and one for Dd’s family in Luoyang.

The story began with Gg entering the scene and said Dd was wasting money (Line 01). Dd asked if Gg’s mom was using the robot (02). Gg replied that she’d already got a brush for window cleaning, and the robot was remote-controlled (03) -- implying that the robot was too difficult for his mom to use. Dd argued that the robot come with an instruction booklet (ie, remote control shouldn’t be a problem!), and he also got a robot for his own parents (04).

Gg was speechless for a bit (05), then asked if Dd had bought shipping insurance with the robots (06) -- the implication being that, if Dd had bought the insurance, returning the robots would be free. Dd asked Gg if he wanted to return the robots (07) and told him that no, he hadn’t bought the insurance (08) — an answer that sent their team members laughing (09), because without the insurance, the shipping cost alone would make the return not worth it. 

(Impending Gg 0:1 Dd ...)

Gg was exasperated (10). Dd defended his purchase (11) and Gg asked a team member if they, too, bought a robot because according to Dd, everyone buys one for Chinese New Year. It turned out that all along, the team member had no idea what Gg and Dd had been arguing about except it was some sort of a miraculous machine (13). Gg explained it was a window cleaning robot (and it wasn’t miraculous) (14). The team member replied they didn’t have one at home (15).

Now that Gg thought he had the winning chip— evidence that not everyone buys window cleaning robots for Chinese New Year, as Dd had claimed — he (triumphantly) returned his attention to Dd, complained again about the purchase (16). Dd was unrepentant, said he’d saved 500 RMB because there had been a sales event on the robots!! *** (17) GG got even more exasperated, asked if Dd actually thought he’d profited by buying what, in Gg’s POV, were useless things (18). Dd, meanwhile, did a little more mental math and announced that Oh, he saved 1,500 RMB!!!! — because he bought 3 robots (for three homes: Beijing, Chongqing, Luoyang), and saved 500 RMB each!!!!!!!! (19)

Gg had no words left after this. Gg 0:1 Dd was the final score. 😂 (20).

*** For the economically minded: a c-turtle thought she knew about the sales event Dd was talking about. The original cost for a robot was 2,999 RMB and after the discount, 2,499 RMB -- a discount of ~16.66666666%. Yes, I find this to be a very important piece of info to include in this post. 😛

[kellyvela]

There was one person who commented on grrm blog about Dany being their most hated character and hoping she would die. Grrm replied 'tsk tsk'. Do you know about that post?

This one?

The comment, now deleted, is from this post: Dany and the Dragons - Jul. 8th, 2013.

What about it? Is this about targies clinging to that "tsk tsk" for their lives?

I remember that the user belomor555 wrote that comment as an answer to another user mentioning them, as you can see here:

I like the conversation under grrm's comment, because those users didn't assume that George was saying he won't kill Dany:

We also know that when someone said to George that he’s not allowed to kill Dany, he answered that "Parris has proclaimed that Arya cannot die!" [Source]

Classic George!

But what is that "tsk tsk" compared to all this:

July 21, 2018

In the earlier published Targaryen family tree as found in The World of Ice & Fire, Princess Daenerys did not exist. In her place was Prince Aeryn Targaryen, Jaehaerys and Alysanne’s sixthborn son who died young. Besides Aeryn having been exchanged for Daenerys, several other children of Jaehaerys and Alysanne were shifted in their order of birth.

Regarding these changes, Elio Garcia has stated the following:

… George had some new ideas for some of the names and the stories of the children who died young, and corrected some issues that came out of his original birth order (we actually got the names of all the kids quite late in the production of TWoIaF—literally a month before we had to finalize the book—so there was not much time to interrogate it). However, the stories of those who live to adulthood, as published in TWoIaF, do remain the same (just, of course, much more detailed).

[Source]

November 20, 2018

Jaehaerys loved all three children fiercely, but from the moment Aemon was born, the king began to speak of him as his heir, to Queen Alysanne’s displeasure. “Daenerys is older,” she would remind His Grace. “She is first in line; she should be queen.” The king would never disagree, except to say, “She shall be queen, when she and Aemon marry. They will rule together, just as we have.” But Benifer could see that the king’s words did not entirely please the queen, as he noted in his letters.

(…)

It was the hour of the owl when Queen Alysanne was awoken by her daughter shaking her gently by the arm. “Mother,” Princess Daenerys said, “I’m cold.”

There is no need to dwell on all that followed. Daenerys Targaryen was the darling of the realm, and all that could be done for any man was done for her. There were prayers and poultices, hot soups and scalding baths, blankets and furs and hot stones, nettle tea. The princess was six, and years past being weaned, but a wet nurse was summoned, for there were some who believed that mother’s milk could cure the Shivers. Maesters came and went, septons and septas prayed, the king commanded that a hundred new ratcatchers be hired at once, and offered a silver stag for every dead rat, grey or black. Daenerys wanted her kitten, and her kitten was brought to her, though as her shivering grew more violent it squirmed from her grasp and scratched her hand. Near dawn, Jaehaerys bolted to his feet shouting that a dragon was needed, that his daughter must have a dragon, and ravens took wing for Dragonstone, instructing the Dragonkeepers there to bring a hatchling to the Red Keep at once.

None of it mattered. A day and a half after she had woken her mother from sleep complaining of feeling cold, the little princess was dead. The queen collapsed in the king’s arms, shaking so violently that some feared she had the Shivers too.”

—Fire & Blood - Volume I

May 19, 2019

Standing before the Iron Throne, Dany steps forward and kisses the man she loves. A perfect kiss, an expression of pure love and passion.

We push in on them until we’re tight on their faces – their eyes closed, his hand behind her head, her hand on his cheek.

Dany’s eyes open suddenly as she draws a sharp breath.

Jon’s eyes open as well, already filling with tears. For a moment, neither moves, as if moving will make this real.

In a wider angle, we see Jon with his hand still on the hilt of the dagger he just lodged in Dany’s heart.

Her strength leaves her and she collapses to the marble; he keeps her in his arms as she falls, kneeling down to the floor beside her.

He looks down at what he’s done. Terrible. And necessary. He hopes for one last moment with her.

But her eyes are already glazing over. Winter has come to the Throne Room. Dany lies dead in his arms, Pieta-style, as the snow drifts down.

—GAME OF THRONES “The Iron Throne” - Written by David Benioff & D.B. Weiss - Based on A Song of Ice and Fire by George R.R. Martin

January 19, 2020

WELT: Again: We know what will happen to the Mother of Dragons. How do you want to surpass that in a novel – with an alternative literary version?

GRRM: Counter question: How many children did Scarlett O'Hara have? In Margaret Mitchell’s novel “Gone with the Wind” she had three children. But in the cinema version of the novels she only had one child. Which version is the only one valid - the one with one or the other with three children? The answer is: neither. Because Scarlett O'Hara never existed, she is a fictional character, not a real person, who would have had real children. Or take “The Little Mermaid”. We know her from the fairytale of the same name by Hans Christian Andersen and from the Disney movie. Which one is the true mermaid? Well, mermaids do not exist. So you can chose the version that you personally like the best. Changes are inevitable in this process. Even if the adaption is as faithful to the literary source material as it was the case with “Game of Thrones”.

—GEORGE R. R. MARTIN “Die Leute kennen ein Ende – nicht das Ende” - WELT 2020 - (Translation)

April 18, 2021

Q: It is my impression that there are parallels between Westeros history and current events in ASOIAF. so in your opinion to what degree is George martin’s history cyclical? Because we have a lot of parallels. For example with the current history and the dance of the dragons.

Elio: You know George even uses that line from talking about the the arms of house Toland, the dragon eating its tail, but it was from the Archmaester Rigney which is a reference to Robert Jordan the writer of the wheel of time, that history is a wheel or time as a circle. I think George certainly deliberately sees, creates parallels. I mean this is a very obvious example, you know if you read The World of Ice and Fire, you saw the family tree of the Targaryens, and the family tree for Jaehaerys and his offspring changes quite a lot when fire and blood comes out. Because George realized that he wanted to create a kind of parallel by introducing another Daenerys. and he said like, i like the symmetry of it, I like the the sort of the way. You could perhaps read it as reflecting on Daenerys’s story, maybe. I wish it was true. I mean I think fans of Daenerys need to be really worried about what’s going to happen to her. Although I guess Game of Thrones maybe has revealed kind of where things may possibly end. Again the journey is going to be very different. I think you know circumstances, things are going to be very different. So there’s a journey that matters. But in any case, so yes I think George uses cycles and things a bit. He likes setting up parallels of events, he likes paralleling characters, he likes paralleling events, and he likes paralleling the past and the present as well.

Linda: I think certainly that when he fleshed out the details of Fire and Blood, even when he first did the sidebars for The World of Ice and Fire, and they just grew. We could see that, okay here he’s looking at foreshadowing or commenting on current events by doing a similar scenario in the past and he definitely likes to play around with those aspects.

[Source]

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[chicoriii]

Season 4, Episode 17 - Larme Ultime (Rocketear)

So this is a DjiWifi episode from which comes a screenshot I've seen over a month ago (I think). It's good they got it, before season 4 started I really wanted it to happen and to see a kiss between Nino and Alya in it (but that didn't happen and I don't get why, only the main pairing is allowed to kiss in this show or what?), but now I could not be excited about it anymore, because I'm sick of Alya and I'm not able to hide it. Yes, I'm biased, but I'm just a normal viewer and I have right to dislike her favouritism.

My the biggest thought after watching this is that it looks like since Optigami, Alya is not only a deuteragonist, like I said in my post about Sentibubbler, she's actually more like a co-protagonist now. That was an extremely Alya-centric episode (even more than Lie was was about Adrien, as it was mostly Ladybug who saved the world like almost always, also because Chat sacrificed himself again), while in Optigami and this one she has screentime comparable to Marinette. I'm still trying to avoid spoilers (so please, don't tell what's going to happen in the next episodes, I don't want to know), but I'm sure that either 15 or 16 is also highly about her, because we've seen the new Rena's suit in this episode and it looked like it wasn't the first episode with it. But really, I won't be surprised if Alya has lots of screentime in both episodes and all others to the end of the show as well. I don't think Adrien is ever going to get as much special treatment like Alya. :/ The creators have never been as nice to him.

Didn't the writes have enough ideas for another story arcs? And thanks to it they were able to save money, because then creators could just reuse old models of villains more than before. Have anyone noticed that S4 has even fewer number of completely new characters than previous seasons? The scientist seen at the start of the episode has detailed model, so she had to be akumatised in any of the previous unreleased episodes (or one of the next ones). And why she looks a lot like Alya, is she her relative? If yes, you know what that means? Another excuse to make an episode full of the fox wielder, because, you know, it’s not like she already got enough occasions to shine in S4. 

Speaking of Rena Rouge's new suit. What a waste, it would be great for a potential chameleon Miraculous, so it seems it won't be ever created for canon. So bad, I think it's one of the coolest animal, so a Miraculous based on it would be awesome. It could one from an African Miracle Box which should appear, since they are planning making an African special. The suit is good and all, but I still feel disappointed that it's not the superpower of a chameleon Miraculous. :(

Why is Nino acting over the top out of nowhere? I like film noir atmosphere, fedoras and especially jazz music full of saxophones (my favourite music genre and instrument), but it looks totally ridiculous when he's like that. I thought it's Marinette's speciality, and he beat her in that category. I'm not trying to say it's a a bad thing, it just feels weird seeing Nino like that. And since I love jazz, I would like to listen to that film noir-esque music more once I got 5.1 audio, since it was hardly heard in the episode. It didn't sound much interesting, but it's too early to judge it seriously.

Too bad they had written the main conflict in the episode using one of the biggest romantic cliche - misunderstanding in which one character see and\or hear something, but not the whole thing, so said character interprets it wrong. Motifs like that are rather annoying, so it's good something similar haven't happened in the Love Square's arc (yet at least). Though I have a big issue with how they write it this season and I'm going to make a post about it (is anyone interested?).

The akuma is one the ugliest and has one of the most laziest power ever. Really? He shoots using tear bullets and does nothing more? I know many people hate Bubbler's design, but no matter how silly it looks, it was much more creative than this.

And of course the whole thing with Alya remembering the whole conversation with Chat Noir was extremely far-fetched. The could think about something more believable, but I'm not surprised it happened, since I think this season is generally more lazy written than previous ones.

On the other hand, I'm surprised that Marinette is actually aware that Shadow Moth should not know that Alya is still Rena Rouge. It seems that the whole episode 15 (or 16) is about they trying to figure out what to do with that problem.  I won't be surprised if Alya would do it all by herself like it happened with protecting charms in Mr Pigeon 72, because it's completely normal that a random person who has never met Fu is better at decrypting the grimoire than someone who has been trained to be a guardian to some extend :/ Still I think they should not be sure that camouflage mode would solve the problem completely. From what I understand the new suit doesn’t make her completely invisible to others. Rena could be seen by anyone who takes a photo of her and then post in on the internet (it won't be believable that she's the only one crazy about superheroes in Paris). But at least they tried to do something and Marinette sees the danger to some extend. It’s something new.

It's not like Alya is careful, she's completely reckless (and they think she's a good reporter material? Don't make me laugh) and she still thinks more about her own fun in being the superheroine than safety of herself or the world. But of course, it's not gonna happen, because plot armor is very strong in this show. I really had a feeling that she acted like a little child in the first minutes of the episode. She's unable to see that her situation is not a joke. She should be all happy that Marinette still lets her to keep the fox Miraculous. She really lacks humility and I see it clearly since Optigami at least. Besides, Marinette ignores another red flags, that Alya is taking pictures of herself in the new suit no one is supposed to see and thinking about posting them on Ladyblog (was Bunnix right that Alya is able to reveal Miraculous secrets on her blog because of her overenthusiasm and lack of ability of seeing consequences of her actions?).

By the way, now I think, if Alya can't keep in secret that she's still Rena Rouge from Nino (which happens because it's needed for the plot), so how could she be all fine with keeping in secret other facts like that Ladybug gave her the fox permanently and she knows her identity (which isn't happening because the plot doesn't require it)? She still has to lie on Nino because of these secrets.

They are making Marinette a big hypocrite this season. Since she revealed herself to Alya, it's been shown that secret identities rule was bullshit from the start, but Marinette is still saying that heroes can't reveal their identities to anyone. What? What has she done before like not revealing herself to someone, so how she dares keep saying about how crucial is keeping secrets from everyone? Sorry writers, I can't take that rule seriously anymore since Alya knows and no one should. Because Marinette told Alya, she could tell it to other persons she trust as well. What's the difference between her best friend and the rest of the people in the world? Is Alya the only person she trusts? In fact, revealing herself to Sabine, for example, would be much better choice. She's actually wise and mature unlike Alya and her secrets would be much more safe with her mother.

I've seen Chat Blanc again on TV recently and I remembered one thing Ladybug told to Bunnix there: "The best-kept secrets are the ones you never share." (Google Translate says that the line is exactly the same in the French original). Some episodes later, she isn't thinking twice if she should tell all the guardian secrets to Alya. Okay, she revealed her identity because of being too emotional in that exact moment, but then when she calmed down, she should be able to think if telling all the Miraculous secrets is a good idea. The other hypocritical thing is telling Chloé "you can't be Queen Bee anymore, because Hawk Moth knows your identity" but still calling the other heroes whose identities have been exposed.

So I can't even blame Alya for telling Nino the truth if the guardian herself is not following her own rules. Not to mention, Marinette doesn't address wrong things Alya is doing at all, so no wonder she feels she could do anything, she won't get punished, no matter what. After all, it's not the first moment in which she does something her best friend forbid her.

And we can say the show has been confirmed that Nino is even worse at keeping secrets, especially in crisis situations, so why people wanted to see Adrien revealing himself to Nino? It's obvious that he would tell Adrien's secret to Alya and maybe some other people as well.

I thought that since S3 finale Adrien is supposed to know identities of every backup hero from seasons 2 and 3 and I was ready to be salty about that as well. But yes, actually after purification of Miracle Queen's akuma, brainwashed heroes didn't detransform. They were forgotten completely and we don't even know what happened with them exactly. I suppose Ladybug took their Miraculous when Chat Noir wasn't there anymore.

Adrien has every right to be angry at Ladybug, she treats him so badly, since Alya knows her own secrets and she doesn't even have the guts to admit that. But I'm going to say about my the biggest issue in the Chat Noir and Ladybug's situation in another post, I hope I would write before the next episode airs.

[all-about-kyu]

Omg 20 w/ doyoung from the smut list , graciass 💓💖

Genre: Smut MINORS DNI MATURE CONTENT AHEAD

Pairing: Doyoung x fem!reader

Warnings: brat taming, roughness, language

Summary: Purposely riling up your boyfriend might not be the smartest thing but it is fun.

Word Count: 495

You knew exactly what you were doing, you were going to get in huge trouble for it but you couldn’t care less. You had been flirting with Johnny all night just for the fun of it. He was in on it too, you wanted to get Doyoung annoyed at you just because you could. Johnny offered to help as long as you didn’t blame him for the repercussions of your actions. You had been clung to Johnny’s side all night, running your hands over his arms and chest, making flirty comments. Needless to say, Doyoung was pissed off at your actions. You smirked at the reactions he would have to what you did, every time you looked at Johnny a certain way or you touched him Doyoung would sharply inhale or clench his fist trying not to show how he felt. The final straw was when you made a flirty comment about how you should go home with Johnny knowing he could take care of you followed by you sitting down in his lap. Doyoung abruptly stood up from his seat across from you grabbing your wrist and dragging you back to his room. Once back there he flung you towards the bed where you safely land. He was obviously pissed off by what you did and there was no escaping punishment now.

“What the fuck was that?” he seethes

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t play stupid, you were practically fucking Johnny right in front of me.”

You smirk at his jealousy “And what about it?”

“Do you really want to make this worse for yourself? You are already in trouble.”

“I don’t think you’ll do jack shit about what happened out there.”

Without another word, he came closer to you, stripped you of your clothing, and had you over his lap “Your ass is gonna be seven different shades of red after that little stunt. Count for me.”

His hand came down across your asscheek causing you to whine at the feeling. You counted each time he smacked you, you didn’t want to make your punishment any worse than it already was. His hand met your ass ten times before you began to tear up.

“S-stop, please.”

“If you want me to stop you can say your safe word, I know you know it doll.” he said as his hand came down again, his fingers move to your folds for a brief moment “Aww, look at that, soaked just from a few spankings. Do you want me to fuck you doll?”

“P-please, Doyoung, I need it,” you beg

“That’s too bad you were a brat then, huh?”

“Please, please, please” you cry out “I’ll behave now, I promise.”

“I don’t think so, pretty, we’re going to go back out there now and you’re not going to act like the slut you were earlier, got that?”

“Yes”

“If you behave yourself the rest of the night maybe you’ll get fucked like you want to.”

Tag List: @ericssmile @staysstrays @00solarsmiles @stayinzencity @doggienoo @notbeforelong @spectracully @jaemcupcake @softforqiankun @bugsbinnie @jenoremii @soliverse @jisungiest @slightlymore @0606-hyuck @winwindose

Networks: @nct-writers @kwritersworld 

COPYRIGHT STARLITMARK 2023© ALL RIGHTS RESERVED — reposting/modifying any fic or piece of original writing posted on this blog is not allowed. Translations are not permitted. 

[strawberry1212]

How Run On subverts the noble idiocy trope

Another week, another amazing two episodes from Run On!! This drama really hasn’t let me down, and I want to go into detail about one specific aspect I really like, before quickly reviewing the last two episodes as a whole.

One thing that really bothers me w Kdramas--and Kdrama fans will be familiar with this--is the noble idiocy trope. And this is a trope that is pretty uniquely Asian, I think because of a cultural tendency to put quiet sacrifice on a pedestal. In Japanese, we call in 我慢 (gaman). The trope has traditionally manifested in “rich guy parents threaten poor girl that she’s ruining his future, poor girl breaks up with rich guy “for his good”” or the same trope setting, but “rich guy breaks up with poor girl so that his parents won’t bully her.” Another very common version of this trope is the tangent to the Dying Sick Girl/Guy trope, where the sick person doesn’t tell the healthy person so that they may live on happily without them.

The issue with this trope is multifold. First, it is disrespectful. It is most respectful to tell the whole truth to a person, and let them make decisions about their own future. It is not your call to make decisions on behalf of them, pretending to know what is best for them. At it’s core, I think it’s honestly super rude and it feels like you don’t trust their judgement, and see them as a child, rather than a romantic partner.

Second, it drags on angst for no reason. It’s yet another thing that could be solved with a very quick conversation, but isn’t. I don’t know why show writers do not seem to get this, but as an audience it is simply boring, because the emotional tension is all false. It’s not like there’s actually any deep conflict, it’s just a misunderstanding.

It also upholds the romantic drama/romcom promise of The One True Perfect Love. Making it out as if the person is lying/hurting/breaking up for the good of the other person, allows for conflict, without ruining the fantasy that there could be no motive for the character’s actions other than The One True Perfect Love. It is in fact the overwhelming force of this One True Perfect Love that is destroying itself (hurting someone for their benefit, because you just love them so much), and there is no need for the writers to actually come up with other character motivations, flaws, etc.

And in the face of this, Run On completely departs to create an actual multi-dimensional, realistic conflict for the leads (and I am building on some of the thought’s written in this amazing blog post). It was absolutely painful to watch them (maybe?) break up at the end of the last episode, but the conflict was not rooted in some lame misunderstanding that could be cleared up with a conversation. And it was not their unrealistic, undying, all consuming love for each other that was the only motive to their actions.

Of course they want what is best for each other (especially Seongyeom, as it’s his dad that caused the problem, so of course he feels bad), but their relationship is also new, and the dad being a creepy and unethical snooper is an immense pressure on a new relationship that were realistically expressed. The lines I liked most were actually Mijoo’s, where she says “Must I continue seeing him at the expense of myself?...Why must I continue wearing shoes that don’t fit me?” Referencing an earlier scene where she gives him a book on self-love, and shows him the chapter that says “don’t wear shoes that don’t fit you.” Meaning, in the same way she wants him to learn to love himself, she also doesn’t want to sacrifice her own self-love for the benefit of dating him. And she goes onto say, “I am precious to myself, so I want to give up [on their relationship]...you said it was ok, to say a mistake.”

There’s quite a lot to unpack there, but I like how she is being honest about her emotions, but also aware that her words right now are emotionally charged and might not reflect her real thoughts, (”you said it was ok, to say a mistake”). But more importantly, her clearly stated motives are that she is important to herself. She values herself. It is not some noble idiocy that is motivating her to break up with him for his good or for the greater good--it is for herself. And that is so refreshing, in the Kdrama world where everything has to be done sacrificially in the name of romantic love, and self-love is covertly seen as selfish/conceited. I actually don’t know if I’ve even heard an Asian drama character ever even voice that they are precious/important to themselves, and will set boundaries accordingly. AHHHHH I love this drama so much...even in the heart wrenching break up scene where I was yelling “No! No! Noooo!” to the computer, it still managed to break stereotypes.

Some final thoughts on these two episodes: THE SECOND LEAD COUPLE FINALLY GOT TOGETHER!! Omg. My friend and I watching the drama together (check out her blog @dreamctz) replayed that scene so many times. Their banter about what she should call him (him wanting to graduate early so that she would stop calling him “haksaeng”/student) was just *chef’s kiss*. And are we going to talk about how Seongyeom’s dad literally said he thought it was too bad he couldn’t HIT MIJOO!! WTFFFFF. That gremlin can catch these hands before he so much as TOUCHES my queen Mijoo. Also Shin Saekyoung’s acting in this was really superb in this episode, just wanted to point that out.

Also! because I was talking about this with my friend, there’s an extension called Language Learning with Netflix that allows you to see the Korean CC, English translation, and when you hover your mouse over the Korean, you can see the definition/meaning of each word and save vocab words! Just thought it was a super cool extension--I use it when rewatching old shows I love! It only works w dramas that already have Korean CC, which Run On does, so excuse me while I rewatch my favorite scenes until next week :))

[our-time-is-now]

September 4, 2019 (1): There’s really a lot that has changed

(previous play)

You can find more information about the authors, translators, content warning and additional information about the plays in the pinned post on our blog.

Wednesday, 10:17 am:

David: *lately he has been thinking about Patrick, their friendship and their past after he has talked about him with Matteo and also his therapist, and for the first time in a long time, he opens their chat history on WhatsApp*

WhatsApp, David/Patrick:

Patrick, 10.09.2017, 17:03: Hey David, did you understand Math? Somehow I don’t get it right now? Can I come over so that you can save me again?

Patrick, 12.09.2017, 07:34: Did you oversleep? Are you sick? Should I excuse you?

Patrick, 12.09.2017, 08:45: Are you avoiding me? Or why do you always take the earlier bus now?

Patrick, 17.09.2017, 14:58: David, please let’s talk. We can’t just ignore each other from now on for the rest of the time we’re at school…

Patrick, 22.10.2017, 07:10: I wish you a very Happy Birthday! I hope all your dreams come true. (If you want to, then please reach out)

Patrick, 22.10.2018, 15:45: Happy Birthday, David!

*sighs quietly when he reads Patrick’s last message and can’t stop the memories flooding back from that point in time when he somehow couldn’t do this any longer, when he deliberately decided to avoid Patrick from now on after he kept ignoring the teasing at school more and more* *there wasn’t really anything special that happened, nothing that he hasn’t gone through one way or the other several times already: Two of his fellow students used the occasion when one of his teachers had finally addressed him by the right name to stop him after the class and to make fun of him. There was a group of students, more and more people got involved and commented - and he finally saw Patrick, who was standing some distance away with two other fellow students and who had looked at him with pity and sympathy* *he knew exactly that they would once again pretend that it never happened the next time they met - at first they used to talk about it and Patrick told him that he shouldn’t pay any mind to what other people say, that eventually they’d stop and that it wasn’t important what they thought, and that it would instead be important that he can live the way he wants to - but eventually everything that could be said had been said, eventually the incidents weren’t commented on any longer and the conversations between them only revolved around school or their hobbies* *he realized more and more how much it hurt him that Patrick didn’t get involved at school, that he didn’t have his back, so after another bad incident at school he withdrew more and more even in the afternoons after school, closed up more and more even with Patrick and it got hard to be as unburdened in his presence the way it used to be - until this one day when it simply got too much* *now in hindsight, he thinks that he should have talked about it with him, told him that he could no longer stand the fact that Patrick didn’t have his back at school, but back then he didn’t really want to demand of him that he also has to face the mockery and teasing of the others* *still doesn’t really know how they could have resolved that problem back then - maybe Matteo was right and Patrick really had his own problems that he didn’t know about - maybe he was in over his head with the situation? Maybe he really wasn’t brave enough and maybe he himself should have had more understanding if they had been more open with each other… Maybe they would have been able to find a solution if they had really talked about how they both felt* *wonders if - after two years of radio silence - there’s any use in mentioning the topic, if Patrick is even still interested in getting in contact with him, but then also has to think about the time before it got difficult and about how close they were until that point - how well Patrick was able to deal with his coming-out at first* *tries to mentally formulate what he could text him while staring at the open chat history, but realizes that what he wanted to tell him would simply be too much* *finally pulls himself together and just starts texting*

WhatsApp, David/Patrick:

David, 04.09.2019, 10:23: Hey…

Patrick, 04.09.10:24: Oh… hi!

Patrick: Everything okay?

David: Yes, it is… well mostly. But lately, I had to think about you more often and I thought… no idea… maybe we could talk one day - well, if you want to.

Patrick: You mean about back then? Well not back then, back then, but back then as in 1 to 2 years ago?

David: Exactly… About the time when it got difficult between us…

Patrick: We already should have talked about it back then…

David: That’s also what I’ve been thinking about over the last few days. But somehow we didn’t really manage to back then.

Patrick: I wanted to do so several times, but somehow I didn’t dare… well in this respect… yes, I’d like to… let’s talk…

David: Umm? But not over WhatsApp, right? ;-)

Patrick: No, better not - too much typing… ;-)

David: Maybe we could meet up one day? Well, when I’m in Lychen or Fürstenberg…

Patrick: I moved to Berlin last weekend. I’ll start studying game design here in October, but my side job starts on September 15… I already considered reaching out to you once I knew that I got the spot at uni and that I’ll move, but I didn’t know if that was okay… are you still in Berlin?

David: Wow, it’s nice that you got a spot at university! I’m really happy for you! And does your side job also have something to do with game design? I’m still in Berlin, yes…

Patrick: Yes, the job is at a developer company… I don’t exactly know what my tasks will be like yet…

David: Testing computer games all the time?

Patrick: Then this would be an absolute dream job…

Patrick: And what about you? Are you doing better? What are you up to nowadays? Are you going to stay in Berlin?

David: I’m doing an indescribably lot better, yes! And I’ll stay in Berlin. I was accepted to uni to study filmmaking and I’ll also start in October.

Patrick: An indescribably lot better sounds awesome! I’m really happy for you, David! And filmmaking! So we both somehow really managed to fulfill our dreams…

David: Definitely… who would have thought!? ;-) But if you live in Berlin now, then it’s really even easier that we meet up one day to talk about the past… well, if that’s okay.

Patrick: Yes, sure… I just first have to see how things will be here with my side job and so on… but once I’ve settled a little then I’d really love to.

David: Sure, get settled first. We have time…

Patrick: But maybe you want to talk on the phone some time?

David: Now?

Patrick: Umm, yes… if you like…

David: Okay…

*takes a deep breath and realizes that he’s suddenly a little nervous to talk to Patrick again* *briefly puts his phone aside and shakes out his hands before wiping them on his pants* *but then already sees his phone vibrate, takes another deep breath and picks up the call*

David: Hey…

Patrick: Hey na… feels somehow weird, doesn’t it? Well, but a good weird, you know what I mean…

David: *has to smile automatically when he hears Patrick’s voice, but is still a little nervous* *laughs quietly when he says that it feels weird* Yes… I know… good weird, but weird… it’s been a long time… *doesn’t really know what he’s supposed to say and therefore tries to do smalltalk* Umm… and were you already able to settle a little?! Unpacked everything? Or are you still surrounded by boxes? *takes a look around their room and is glad that they are already finished with it*

Patrick: *has to smile automatically when he hears David’s voice* Wow… *laughs slightly and talks without thinking* Your voice sounds really deep… *only then hears David’s questions* Umm… yeah, settled a little and no, I haven’t unpacked everything… I’ve only just moved, after all… and what about you? Where in Berlin do you live? Still with your sister?

David: *quietly laughs again when Patrick says that his voice sounds really deep and is pretty happy to hear that* *barely notices the changes himself, but thinks that it’s probably more obvious if you haven’t seen or talked to someone in a while* Testo makes that possible… *then nods at his answer and murmurs* Right, you’ve only been here for a few days… *then exhales when Patrick asks how he lives and slightly laughs again* Yes… yes and no… well I do… it’s a little complicated. My sister and I were forced to move out of our apartment short-notice because the building is derelict and it was impossible to find something new so quickly, and now we’re temporarily living at my boyfriend’s flatshare. So yeah, I still live with Laura but also with Matteo, Hans and Linn… *grins slightly* Also only since last weekend, by the way…

Patrick: *laughs slightly when David says that testo makes it possible* Yeeah, this miraculous stuff… *then listens to him and perks his ears when he says that he has a boyfriend* *realizes how happy he is for David and that he really always wished for David to be okay* *but is also curious, of course* Hang on, hang on… which of those is your boyfriend? Matteo or Hans or Linn? *also grins, which can probably heard in the tone of his voice* But that sounds really great, David, I’m really happy for you!

David: *grins slightly when Patrick kind of interrupts him and laughs when he also lists Linn* Are there really guys with the name Linn!? *calms down again and then clarifies* Well Linn is a girl… *then gets somehow embarrassed because he never would have thought that he would ever be able to tell Patrick that he has a boyfriend, but then tells him* And Matteo is my boyfriend… Hans is also gay, but… no… *has to grin again because he could never imagine being with Hans* *then smiles when Patrick says that he’s happy for him and murmurs quietly and still a little embarrassed* Thanks… *slightly presses his lips together and then murmurs more serious* There’s really a lot that has changed… I think going to Berlin was the best decision of my life…

Patrick: *laughs slightly* No, no idea, that was supposed to be funny… *then smiles when he hears how David’s voice changes when he talks about Matteo* Matteo, huh… David and Matteo… sounds good I have to say. *then hears his last sentence and feels a slight lump in his throat* That really sounds like a jackpot, David, and you deserve it so much… *takes a deep breath* Do you like to tell me a little about it? How is it? Your life? And your boyfriend? Have you been together for long? What kinds of friends do you have? What are Linn and Hans like? Or am I too nosy? *then stops himself* Sorry, that was too much, right? But I’m just really so happy to hear from you…

David: *smiles very broadly when Patrick repeats Matteo’s name and says that “David and Matteo” sounds good* *has never really thought about it until Kay has mentioned it at Lambda, but has to somehow agree with it* *then suddenly feels a small lump in his throat when Patrick is so happy for him again and when he tells him that he deserves this life here and is suddenly a little overwhelmed because Patrick has been a part of his life for so long but hasn’t really been there for the last part of it* *then hears all of his questions and feels the lump getting a little bigger* *quickly clears his throat when he hears his last question and shakes his head* *swallows twice and then says with a slightly husky voice* It’s okay… no… it wasn’t too much… I… *quickly takes a deep breath and then laughs quietly* I’m just not used to it… and I’m also happy to hear from you… and I also want to know everything about you… everything that I missed, okay? *takes another deep breath and rubs his free hand over the back of his neck* *briefly wonders if before that, they shouldn’t talk about the things that are standing between them, after all, but then starts talking, anyways* Okay… where do I start? It’s really a lot… Okay… well I did my Abi… which is somehow obvious, because otherwise I wouldn’t have gotten into university… Hmmm… I met Matteo at school… a few months ago… well, we’ve been together for about four months now… *laughs quietly* Although most of the time it seems much longer to me… and my friends… well they’re people from school… *briefly gnaws on his bottom lip and laughs a little embarrassed* It’s a little difficult to sum all this up in a few sentences…

Patrick: *listens to him with interest* *but can also hear the insecurity in his voice and that he hesitates* *briefly closes his eyes when David doesn’t really tell him much and when he appeases him a little at the end* *thinks that it’s really weird to talk like that if there’s actually something standing between them* That sounds good… but… *clears his throat* ...maybe we really should meet first and… talk about everything? *waits for a moment* It’s somehow weird like this, isn’t it?

David: *briefly presses his lips together when he hears Patrick’s “but” and then smiles slightly at the suggestion that follows* *humms in agreement and thinks about how to explain best why it’s weird for him* *then laughs quietly and a little insecurely when Patrick says exactly this, but says in relief* Yes… somehow it is… I’m sorry… *shakes his head a little and explains* Well… it’s somehow weird to tell you all of this… and at the same time it’s weird that you weren’t around for any of it… because in the past you somehow really were around for everything. But… *takes a deep breath* There’s also a lot that happened… between us… or didn’t happen… *realizes that he’s starting to stammer a little and therefore stops* *instead says* Maybe we really should talk about the past first before we… *doesn’t really want to hope or expect them to get along just as well as they used to and therefore changes the rest of his sentence* Well then the rest will be easier for us… or for me… *briefly presses his lips together and then asks quietly and a little insecurely* So do we want to set a date to meet? Or do you first want to see when it’ll suit you? With your side job and everything…?

Patrick: *shakes his head, which David can’t see* You don’t have to apologize… it’s okay, I get it… *swallows slightly and feels the good, old, well-known guilty conscience toward David* *has to think about what his girlfriend has said when he told her about it, that he has learned from it and that now he’s treating friends completely differently and that now he’s absolutely loyal and open* *thinks that David would also have deserved that back then and that he can give him that at least now and that he can do it in a way that’s the most pleasant for David* Yes, I think you’re right… we should talk first and then we’ll see… *is happy that David still wants to meet* Yes, let’s set a date… well I still need some time to get everything sorted and so on, and with my side job, well, I should always be able to meet on Sundays… maybe on Sunday in two weeks or so?

David: *smiles slightly when Patrick says that he gets it and when he agrees to meet* *then grimaces slightly when he automatically glances at the calendar when he hears his suggestion, but doesn’t really need it because he knows straight away that on Sunday in two weeks, he’ll definitely still be at the hospital* Umm… no, sorry… I can’t on that day… *thinks that the Sunday after that will probably still be bad timing because he can’t tell how quickly he’ll recover from the surgery and therefore adds quickly* ...and it doesn’t really suit me on the one after that, either… *then shakes his head a little because he doesn’t want Patrick to think that he doesn’t want to meet only because he declines his suggestions and adds* But apart from those days I’d really be happy to meet on a Sunday… only those two dates… they don’t really work for me… but maybe the one after that? On the 29th? *clears his throat and says a little insecurely* Okay, that’s still some time away… no idea if you can already say anything about it or if we’d better text again before that?

Patrick: *hears him decline and is a little disappointed* *but also knows that sometimes you just already have plans on weekends, especially when you’re in a relationship* *has to chuckle a little when David reaffirms that he wants to meet* *thinks that he can make it easy for him* Yes, sure, we’ll just text again… maybe you’ll just see what the mood is like and if you have time and want to on a Sunday, then you’ll just let me know?

David: *nods at Patrick’s suggestion and says* That sounds good! I will! *then smiles slightly and adds quietly* I definitely want to… *laughs quietly* ...and I’m a little scared… but… *gets serious again and takes a deep breath* But I think it’ll be good if we talk… right? *he at least had the impression that Patrick needs to talk and also thinks that a lot has to be cleared up and now hopes that they’ll somehow be able to manage to get closer again by putting the old stuff behind them*

Patrick: *also laughs slightly* I also want to… *but then hears that he’s scared and has to swallow* *but finds it good that he’s honest* I’m also scared to be honest… *swallows again* But I also hope so… *clears his throat* Well, then, say hi to your boyfriend from a stranger and then we’ll just text again, okay?

David: *smiles slightly when Patrick says that he’s also scared and finds it good that he isn’t alone with this* *then nods when he ends the call* Yes… I’ll tell him… and we’ll text… definitely! *briefly laughs again quietly because he somehow finds it pretty unreal that they really have texted and talked just now, but then says* Take care, Patrick! *ends the phone call and lets himself fall back onto the bed* *can feel after a while that he’s grinning to himself and unlocks his phone again* *sees the WhatsApp chat with Patrick and is somehow pretty relieved and glad that he was brave enough to reach out to him* *opens the chat with Matteo and texts him*

WhatsApp, David/Matteo: David: I just talked to Patrick on the phone!

Matteo: *is just walking back to the café from the foosball-room and peeks at his phone in the process* *stops when he sees David’s message and grins very broadly* *replies*

WhatsApp, Matteo/David: Matteo: Awesome! Great! That surely wasn’t easy, was it? Can you tell me about it tonight when we have time? I miss you <3 :* ;)

David: *smiles when Matteo immediately texts back and also replies quickly*

WhatsApp, David/Matteo: David: At first I was pretty nervous, but then it was okay. It was somehow good, but also weird. I’ll tell you more about it tonight! I miss you more! :-* And I’m looking forward to later! Five more hours… hang in there, tesorino! <3

(next play)

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S5 Ep 20: Pharaoh’s Cool New Trick

Digging my way through quite a pile of commission work (funny how these things only come all at once or not at all), nearing the light at the end of the tunnel, was looking forward to some free time to catch up on my many little side projects when I was asked to take off for a weekend to do some cat-sitting to which I would NEVER say no to a cat, so like...Rip this blog I guess, we only update like once a week nowadays, but what do you do?

That’s right, play Puzzles and Dragons! The only phone game worth paying any attention to! Where they just released Pegasus on their Yugioh Collab and he looks pretty great!

So I’m just gonna take a second for some art appreciation, because the Puzzles and Dragons art team is just A++++ honestly, and yes, I did pull 13 times to get a Pegasus in my monster box, and yes, he is a completely insane team leader that is absolutely broken when paired with Yugi (the numbers are so satisfying) but...look at him. He looks so good!

(also I finally got Joey Wheeler, and so now my gatcha cravings are settled. And, don’t worry, I play this game so much that I was there during Christmas when they offered like a bajillion stones for free so I didn’t actually use real money on this.)

Now PAD also released a Weevil and Rex, and I don’t know why, and neither does the art team because they still look pretty good but in comparison to all the mains, they sure do looks like just some shorty guys in some casuals.

though I gotta admit, I want to learn how the hell this art team does swooshy effects, because man, that would make my art so much better to just have flames violently exploding out of all my art. Why am I not doing that more often? I have the technology.

anyway, I didn’t bother trying to pull them. Maybe I’ll accidentally pull them when they eventually release a Duke Devlin. (also, RIP to the fact that Roland will probably never be in Puzzles and Dragons but like...I can only send them so many polite letters covered in stickers pretending I’m some 10 year old child and writing in my broken Hiragana “Roland in PAD?”. Thems the breaks. (They also might not remember who Roland is.))

Shoutouts to the card that Weevil is holding that is censoring this nipple on the booby spider, PS.

So because this is not actually a Puzzles and Dragons blog, and it’s been ten eons since I regularly updated so I could remember episode to episode...where the hell were we?

That’s right, we’re on an island now. This show’s wonderful obsession with evil islands (and spoiler, this is one of the few Yugioh Islands that doesn’t explode at the end. Mostly because Kaiba isn’t here to do it or this place would be cinder)

(read more island stuff under the cut)

Anyway, after announcing “hey guys! Screw islands!” Yugi immediately collapses and without any warning.

Apparently the armor is a big ol parasite, which is something that Yugi is so used to at this point that he refuses to admit that this is a problem. Just normal Muto stuff, refusing to tell anyone that he has a serious illness going on underneath that giant mass of hair.

(the sailor moon vibes coming off this weird orb energy)

Sort of feels like a call back to S1 when Yugi was clearly possessed and everyone else was like “He acting weird to you?” except it’s S5 and everyone has learned to never trust Yugi when he says he’s fine and they are responding like he is about to die. Which is correct.

Outside of the cave falls this scroll that is...glowing, I guess. So they open it up and get a bunch of hieroglyphs that give them the “riddle of light” and like youknow...it’s riddle stuff.

They’re doing this riddle for “wings.” And it’s like...everyone’s monster here has a set of wings or an ability to fly. Every single monster except for I dunno, flaming swordsman? Hell, Yugi himself had two sets of wings when he fused with Dark Magician (which was weird, and I still don’t like to think about what technically was going on there.) But we have to go and get ourselves even more wings.

Weirdly, Joey turns to Tea and does something that in any other show would be completely normal. He was like “you want to stay here with Yugi, don’t you?” and it was the first time Joey has ever actually addressed the fact that Tea and Yugi are close. Uncharted territory. I was amazed at the amount of casual shipping that is happening here. It’s almost like a normal ass relationship.

So the boys decide to go off, and be boys and tackle this themselves. And they shouldn’t have, because Tea is smart for this group, and also has the only healing spell.

Like if you’re playing D+D you wouldn’t typically leave your only healer behind. Just saying.

Also like...Grandpa Muto went with them? I guess he’d have to since he’s the translator but also...kind of weird to leave your grandson dying in a cave, but maybe that’s just the Muto lifestyle.

Do not be fooled by my caps, no one has addressed the Bakura in the puzzle for 3 seasons. I’m starting to think this show will never address the Bakura in the puzzle. Which honestly, that would be hilarious if they made a big deal out of that plot point and then couldn’t use it in the end.

And speaking of plot points that kind of come out of nowhere and don’t make full sense with the continuity of the show--Joey has regressed back to the 4th grade.

Hey show? What?

So like if you love Joey, this is not the arc for you, because this arc he is reduced to a Himbo and nothing else. Straight up didn’t know what an echo is, but is very strong and pretty, I guess.

This inevitably happens with any TV show becuase different people make different parts, and I’ve brought up before that sometimes it feels like some teams only have loose post-it notes of what any character should be like at any given point (ESPECIALLY with Seto Kaiba’s timeline) but like...

...Personally I’m mot so fond of this interpretation of Joey, kind of ignores Joey’s best traits, and makes Tristan look way too smart in comparison (and like I always pinned Tristan to be the Himbo of the group, but maybe it’s because they give Tristan so little else to do?)

And like don’t get me wrong, Joey’s a dumbass a lot of the time and needs to get corrected by his pals...but...to the point he doesn’t know what an echo is? He’s a dumbass in a High School student sort of way, youknow?

Anyway, they get down to this big ravine, and they have to destroy this stone while the light passes over it. Kind of feels like a Breath of the Wild shrine quest, actually. In fact, I think Breath of the Wild recycled the shadow/sunlight pathing quest like 4 or 5 times. (I love Breath of the Wild to death but boy did they run out of ideas at the end there.)

They have to fight a glass monster and it’s kind of like...do you know the game Balls 3D? probably not, but it looked like a bunch of random shapes stuck together like a 90′s animation. They basically went to war with shapes.

Pure Himbo energy, has several pokemon, but punches for his pokemon instead of using them. A power move if I ever saw one.

Youknow that would make pokemon a lot more interesting if you could like throw out your pikachu, and then choose to just physically run up to your opponents Eevee and sock it in the jaw. Raise of hands--I know you all would love a version of pokemon like that. Let Ash Ketchum punch a Ratata.

Bro has informed me that Ash does do something like this in the anime. But I’m not talking about the anime, I’m talking about the video game. Give me the option to physically combat my rival. This is what I want, Pokemon.

They discover a way to break the monolith, and the show thinks we’re like actually 7 years old (because the show is Y7, although I forget because it deals with so many dark themes) so the show is going to hold on to this puzzle for a while...just to fill time. And it’s fine because we gotta switch over to Pharaoh anyway.

Yami has this dream again. He attempts to fuse with Dark magician to overcome the dream, but alas, he is still not strong enough.

Yugi wakes up in this murky cave while Tea is out washing out like...some rag? (he’s also still got a rag, so I guess multiple rags were required for how sweaty Yugi is.)

Yugi says “I feel like I’m a new man!” a lot in this episode, and every time he calls himself a man like he’s some sort of adult it’s very funny to me.

And then this plot lore dropped.

I mean I guess inevitably it had to happen...

But man, end of an era. It was freakin hilarious while it lasted: that Pharaoh refused to read ancient Egyptian because it’s like 2002 and he is a High Schooler living in Japan and he actually doesn’t WANT to resolve the mystery of the puzzle. Maybe the people who made this arc don’t know about how in S2 and S3, the fact Pharaoh couldn’t read Marik’s back tatt was like...a really big issue. He couldn’t read the God card, he couldn’t even read that massive tablet that read “HEY PHARAOH THIS IS LITERALLY YOU”. KAIBA had to tell him how to read the God card for him. Freakin Seto “Magic is a lie” Kaiba had to tell him how to use the God Card because Pharaoh couldn’t read it.

But like...Pharaoh finally gave in at some point after the world was devoured by the Leviathan, and before Kaiba finished building Kaibaland (which was already built in S1 but wtv)

The timelines on this show have always been a mishmash...but this one is just like...

...show are you trying to convince me that at any point in this show after season Zero, Pharaoh had any idea what he was doing? Did he sap that brain energy straight out of Joey Wheeler so he could do this?

Wow.

(secretly hoping he forgets how to read Egyptian after this arc is over and the show goes back to the other development team)

Pharaohs reasoning is that, if this is the riddle of the light.....

....then where is the riddle of darkness????????????

and when Tea was like “Pharaoh that is not even remotely logic. Omg it’s so bright outside, lets go back to gross cave.” and Pharaoh was like “Tea! You got it!” and she was like “What the hell are you talking about?”

Not gonna lie, I saw the Orichalcos green, and I got concerned.

Anyway, Yugi gets very frustrated and was like “ugh, lets go save em. They’re gonna die (again.)” and marches down there as if he didn’t pass out an hour ago.

And he fuses with Dark Magician again while everyone else (including his grandpa) was like “Yugi are you freakin kidding me? The suit freakin kills you omg! Tea you had one freakin job!”

And then we get the plot twist that...I mean it makes sense but it was choreographed in a confusing way.

And out of no where this guy shows up again:

So this mysterious man shows up and says “If you don’t succeed you have to live here forever” which...nice...that would probably save the world a lot of problems if Yami got locked away and took his OP puzzle with him. And then this man also says “if you do succeed you become VERY POWERFUL” and Yami was like. “...”

This whole episode had a theme to it, where Tristan and Joey were trying to prove that they could do things on their own and without Yugi’s help. And honestly...felt a little bit misplaced. Yami’s the same guy who murdered Yugi last season with the Orichalcos so like...

...I mean he is probably more reliable than Tristan who once died and turned into a robot monkey for 10ish episodes.

and then they flew into a glowing door.

Folks, this was wild to look at.

This is wild.

And at this point I closed Photoshop and thought I was done. But then I looked at my timeline on the video and was like...wait...there’s more?

and I’m really glad I kept watching because it went back to Alex, who...is apparently just still at those steps in this haunted ass Pyramid.

Now we’re watching Yugioh.

I forgot for a second when they turned Joey into a Himbo and made Pharaoh literate, but we’re back. I mean...

...look at the liner art on this adult man.

So...I posit the question...has Alex spent the last 2-3 episodes doing nothing but applying eyeliner to his face in the dark? Because he absolutely has. And honestly, the vibe of being in a spooky haunted pyramid with barely any light, just applying eyeliner down the edge of your face...that’s a Yugioh vibe, if I ever saw one.

This arc is wild. Anyway, next episode we do even more fetch quests and riddles? Just going to guess now that we probably will.

(and for those new here, this is a link so you can read them from the top. Which, since we’re in S5, means you got like...hours of Yugioh content to read through. Enjoy the rewards of my weird hobby.)

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

[mrs-tsunderemeitantei]

Wakasa Rumi Theory Series: Part 2 of 3

Hello lovelies! This is my second part of my Wakasa Rumi Theory that will go over my thoughts about Haneda Koji's murder and his dying message.

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD

Just for reference, I already covered the first three points in Part 1 and the ones in bold are the ones I'm covering in this post:

Why I think she's Asaca.

Her probable relationship to Haneda Koji.

How she became Amanda's bodyguard.

What might have happened on the day of Haneda Koji's murder.

How Haneda Koji's dying message directly refers to RUM as his killer.

Why Wakasa went on a hiatus for 17 years since the murder.

Reason behind Haibara liking Wakasa.

With that out of the way, happy reading 😁💛.

4. What might have happened on the day of Haneda Koji's murder.

So based on the blog that uploaded, we know that two people were killed in each of their own hotel rooms; Haneda Koji and Amanda Hughes (an investor who holds powerful connections to the FBI and CIA). While Haneda Koji showed bruises and signs of struggle against his assailant, the actual cause of his death was unclear, as well as with Amanda Hughes. (In reality, the cause of his death is because of APTX-4869 and the same can be assumed for Amanda). Both rooms were left in a total mess with crockery and glass broken as well as taps left running in the bathroom. Amanda was a huge fan of Haneda Koji and happened to visit him in his room the day of the murder before they were killed. Also on the same day, her bodyguard whom she called 'Asaca' disappeared and she is the main suspect of the murders. Interestingly, something else went missing from the crime scene which was Haneda Koji's Watchtower Bishop (a shogi piece he deemed as his lucky charm). His family is convinced he would never parted without the shogi piece and whoever has it must be the murderer.

All these accusations point to Wakasa because not only has she disappeared for 17 years and her identity is shrouded in mystery, but she also has the exact shogi piece that went missing from the crime scene...So, what exactly happened?

Based on the fact that only Haneda Koji's body was bruised, I'd say he put up a fight after witnessing Amanda's death. The likelihood that he used the taps in her bathroom to cut the mirror before fleeing to his room where he was then finished off is very possible. Why? The case similar to 17 years ago foreshadowed it.

I'm guessing when Amanda was murdered, Wakasa was probably out for whatever reason and upon her return, she saw Amanda's state. She then walked in and saw Haneda's body. The reason why I'm convinced she discovered their bodies and did not happen to be there when they died was her reaction in Chapter 1032 to blood and her obvious knowledge about how bodies do not necessarily smell until days later after their death. This could very well imply she lived through this before, which is why she is so knowledgeable of the topic. And smelling blood, reminded her of when she found Haneda dead in his room.

She then noticed the cut up mirror with one part of it looking like a shogi piece. As she picked it up, RUM returned to clean up and they ended up struggling in a fight before she managed to escape. The reason why I think Wakasa was in a physical fight with RUM was how triggered she seemed when she saw him leave the school after his delivery. The way she looked at him with such apprehension, it shows as if she were remembering their interaction before.

She would turn out to be RUM's mistake. He couldn't finish her off and not only did he leave a loose end, but she also ran away with a crucial part of Haneda Koji's dying message, leaving RUM unable to fully destroy the crime scene. Also RUM is clearly aware of its significance to Haneda Koji's dying message. Especially after he not-so-subtly mentioned it to Conan in Chapter 1057.

The final thing in relation to this part of the theory is Wakasa's flashback of Haneda Koji in the Collecting Edible Wild Plants Chapter. Why was she calling him a fool? It made a lot of sense when I found out the actual meaning of the proverb Haneda Koji said in her flashback.

The proverb he said is 'with a watchtower bishop there must be a brilliant move'. This proverb translates to the Bishop should stay at a distance while aiming at the opponent's camp rather than approaching them directly. Now that we know the actual meaning of the proverb, Wakasa's words make more sense. She guessed that he probably underestimated RUM and approached him rather than escaping him. Hence why Wakasa refers to him as a foolish person because in the end he got himself killed. Not because she thinks he's a fool and she managed to kill him. Again, a classic on Gosho's part to frame innocent characters as threatening and dangerous when the truth is she is just extremely upset over his death. Her collapse to the ground shows just how much Haneda meant to her. If anything, she probably like Rei, feels guilty she couldn't save him in time, which is why the memory of him is so triggering to her.

Phew, finally done with the fourth point 😂 There really was so much to unpack there. Anyways, I hope it made sense...

5. How Haneda Koji's dying message directly refers to RUM as his killer.

Now that it has been confirmed that RUM is Wakita, I'll be showing how Haneda Koji's dying message refers to "RUM", aka Carasuma's number 2.

The key to solving the message lies in the broken mirror and linking it to the shogi piece. Akai and Yusaku already solved the true meaning behind the broken mirror. The remaining pieces on the mirror had the letter PTON. These letters are not needed and the letters that do matter are the scattered ones from the original 'PUT ON MASCARA'. If we remove PTON we are left with U MASCARA which was then rearranged to CARASUMA. However, one letter in particular was cut out in the form of a shogi piece. If we write 'CARASUMA' with the shogi piece border around the letter U, it will seem as if it is hinting to another message within CARASUMA. That would form a word: UMA. UMA translates to Dragon Horse and is the promoted version of the Watchtower Bishop (the shogi piece held by Haneda Koji). (Promoted in shogi means to simply flip the original shogi piece to use its 'levelled-up' power...It's the same piece not two separate shogi pieces). Therefore, if we flip Haneda Koji's shogi piece, it will show UMA which is the more powerful form of the Watchtower bishop.

Anyways, what is the significance of UMA and how does it relate to anything? Well, Uma in shogi is the second strongest shogi piece. The strongest shogi piece is Dragon King (Ryū). Based on this we can assume this is the dying message. UMA of Carasuma (second strongest / number 2 aka RUM) of Carasuma killed me. This might seem too far-fetched but there was too much coincidence when I found out about Uma's strength as a shogi piece that it made sense to me to think that Haneda Koji's dying message points straight to RUM. However, I'm not sure how Haneda Koji figured out that RUM is Carasuma's number 2 in the first place. Maybe it was during his struggle against him before his death or maybe he overheard Amanda before her death talk about it, but so far this is what i came up with.

I hope you guys enjoyed this part of my theory. The final points will be addressed in Part 3 (linked here) so have fun 😁💛

(In cased you missed the first post, this is the link for Part 1)!

[reveriequill-rai]

Shroud: Withered Soul

A/N: Sorry it’s been a while. As of right now I’ve just been uploading stories I’ve written in my newspaper club, and now that I’ve graduated I hope that can now expand to short stories generally. I’m not gonna promise that posts from now on will be more consistent, but I would like to at least speed up my uploads a bit before they actually wind down, as I imagine I will be working on more stories in the future. Everything being uploaded right now is previous work, but nothing too old--probably like, from last year tops. This was completed sometime in May, I believe. 

This is an introduction to a character I created called ‘Shroud,’ an amateur self-proclaimed ‘detective’ who exclusively investigates occult-based crimes and malefic.

Content Warning: death, descriptions of corpses, graphic descriptions of violence and pain, cults 

[My blog will usually contain PG-13 stories, and as of right now I am writing some darker content, but I will tag anything that may be especially disturbing or uncomfortable. I’ll include this warning in my bio, too.]

----------

The corpse in front of me wasn’t all that disturbing by itself. I had seen dead people before–comes with the territory. I had been dead before. Murder rates in Twilight were, naturally, much higher than any other district in New Fable–especially further south of the district where I was–considering how much wild magic was around, and not even the police force sent here from the northern district of Bastion could do anything about it. So the corpse itself didn’t bother me, all things considered.

What did disturb me, though, was a number of other things.

For one, the corpse just being there was a problem. They weren’t stopping, and they were getting far too close to home.

Its eyes were still open, for another thing, and nearly colorless, and looking at me specifically, and I can swear to you that had not happened when I first laid eyes on it. Even worse, like me, the man lying dead in front of me appeared to be wearing a few bandages like I was, perhaps just recovering from an injury.

And for yet another thing, and perhaps the worst part of this, was the connection I felt with this dead man. Something about the state he was in struck a familiar chord that only I and a select unlucky others knew. As if we were kindred spirits–undergoing the same fate, yet with (probably) different outcomes.

I had been at this–whatever you would call tracking down cults as someone with zero prior detective experience with the help of almost no one–for…a few months now? And I’ve made a bit less progress than would be expected from someone who has seen just about everything the darker sides of magic had to offer. I did have one solid lead, though, and hopefully one that would lead me to exactly who I was looking for.

“Everyone move,” I ordered, pushing my way through the crowd.

Ignoring their complaints, I made my way over toward the body and began to examine it, hoping for any hint of who had done this, and more importantly, if it was exactly who I had suspected. There didn’t appear to be much damage, but what first caught my attention was the note tucked into the man’s pocket. I took it out and unfolded it, and immediately flinched.

Demon tongue.

Hellish whispers ran through my head, and I wasn’t sure if they were just in my head or not. It was hard to tell these days.

I honed in on the note, written on some old paper as if torn from an ancient book. The more I stared, the louder the whispers got. I ignored the throbbing in my head as best as I could–humans were not mentally equipped to engage with the infernal language at all, and I much less so. My hands shook as I read the brief message, which I must have read dozens and dozens of times already; I wasn’t counting and didn’t care to.

Some people studied demon tongue despite…well…everything, even the illegality. It probably didn’t matter to them. It didn’t matter to me, either, but someone had spoken to me in demon tongue before–though, in their defense, likely not out of their own volition–and the trembling and rapid heart rate was not worth the ability to communicate with infernals. (Nothing was, honestly.)

For these reasons–and also not wanting to be arrested or have my mage license revoked–I personally didn’t speak or write demon tongue, but I at least knew a little bit and could recognize some of the infernal runes. And those runes were enough for me to know that this was the exact same message that the abyss had been trying to send me in my last moments.

—

Can’t run home, I thought. They’ll follow me.

Just gotta run until I find a phone booth.

I ran until I finally spotted one on the street corner near a bridge. I let out a sigh of relief, taking a quick moment to catch my breath. Then, I quickly crossed the street and ran toward the phone booth, quickly dialing the police station.

“Hello?” I said into the phone as quietly as I could manage. “My name is [……………………………] I’m at the corner of Coral Avenue by the Armada IV Memorial Bridge. I’m being pursued by a group of kids in demon-charmed cloaks and shawls, please I need your help they have knives and they’re trying to kill me-“

The tears stinging at the edge of my eyes began to overflow as a human voice at the end of the line responded in perfect, uncharacteristically calm demon tongue. It was a short sentence, repeated over and over again, but with the little knowledge I *did* have, I could translate it by about the sixth loop:

“You are going to hell.”

I hung up the phone immediately, resisting the urge to yell, “I KNOW” directly into the phone.

Humans can’t speak demon tongue here. It’s illegal.

So how did an officer know demon tongue?

—

Unsurprisingly, the body was still in semi-good condition. After all, little damage was done to the body—only the soul. The only physical marks I could make out were marks around the wrist and neck, likely to restrain the victim. Couple of bruises here and there, too, but nothing was broken.

This…disturbed me, to say the least.

Cults around here were usually known to be violent. After all, a lot of them stood for violent causes–executing the ‘impure,’ plunging everyone into the dreams of a volatile eldritch creature, usurping the throne and forcing everyone to convert, rallying the youth to their bloody cause with claims that they alone possessed special powers…I had heard it all, all of them violent to some degree. But the ones that had gotten me…they seemed to worship oblivion itself. Or maybe whatever was in it. That was beyond even my knowledge.

But…even then, they still had arguably the least violent cause. The deadliest, yes–they seemed to just be destroying souls–but strangely not as bloody. Yet their means of carrying out this objective has historically been, well, bloody.

Or maybe that was just me.

Either way, this victim had certainly not gotten the worst of it. There were no twisted limbs, no bloodied nose, no wounds from blade or bullet, basically no magic-driven attacks aside from the terminating consumption of the soul…only marks of the initial restraint, bruises from the subduing, and the abyss claiming and destroying the soul.

I could almost picture it in my head: they likely jumped him in the middle of the street, kicking him around a bit to possibly weaken him, throw him off balance, but not too much as to rouse resistance, then restraining him–to the floor? A wall? I couldn’t tell, but there were no rope burns so they must have done this by hand–and calling, somehow, for their god, for lack of a better word, to devour its newest victim’s soul.

What did he see as he died? Did their eyes turn as colorless as his would become? Had they shown any sign of enjoying his torment? I doubt it; it didn’t seem like a very ‘fun’ kill. And likely not as personal as it was for me.

They were getting much better at their kills. It probably wasn’t as fun, but more precise.

And a lot less violent than I had gotten.

—

I caught a glimpse of the charm from earlier out of the corner of my eye, but just as I looked it vanished. Just then a cold breeze hit me as the door behind me opened, and I was yanked out onto the street, leaving the phone dangling by the cord. The book dropped from my hands.

The four delinquents appeared in front of me from nowhere, likely having turned off their Moonlight Shroud charms.

“Gotcha,” Ransley said, smiling as he picked up the book.

“Give it BACK!” I roared, lunging for him. Ransley hit me hard across the face with the book, sending me flying a few feet back onto the brick road. Quickly I realized that my safety was not worth keeping that book. I didn’t know where or how Ransley learned to hit that hard but I wasn’t going to stick around to find out. As he and the others examined the book, I began to scurry away as Ransley gave an order to the others:

“Get him.”

An instant later, I heard something click far behind me, and a sharp pain ripped through my knee. I collapsed to the floor, letting out an agonized cry. I examined my knee, and saw a hole much bigger than a bullet hole should be. I looked up at my attackers.

A gun?!

“What the HELL?!” I shouted. “You’ve already got what you want! LEAVE ME ALO-“

Ardent appeared behind me and punched me square in the face. I held my probably-broken nose as a muffled shriek of pain escaped me. Each of them vanished and took turns raining blows and slashes on me as I tried to step back and run. They gave me almost no chance to react. My body ached everywhere; the knife wounds, though shallow, stung just as bad, if not worse, as any bee. I could barely stand. I used my remaining strength to try and push them off of me whenever I felt them, but I stumbled each time I did, giving them room to knock me around further. Finally I collapsed, and Ardent grabbed my shirt and dragged me to the bridge.

“W-wait-“ I cried, still wincing and crying from my bruises and decayed knee. “STOP IT!-”

—

I examined the bandages on my hand and knee. The ones from that night must’ve been amateurs, or at least new to the cult’s way of doing things.

Focus, Shroud.

The victim’s eyes were still open, and almost completely empty.

Almost.

The body must not be entirely empty, then. This wasn’t exactly a kill—whoever this person was, they would not be dead for much longer, or at least depending on your definition of ‘dead.’

How long ago had this attack been, then? I touched the skin—still warm-ish. This had to be recent.

By that logic, if this was meant not as a lethal attack, but as one of induction into their group…

I wasn’t sure how long I had been out, but I at least knew it wasn’t for very long.

So…I didn’t have much longer, then.

I instinctively jerked away from the body. Would he come back? He wouldn’t be under anyone’s control, at least for the first few minutes–how long does it take to kill someone? Would it be long enough for him to kill me?–no, he probably wouldn’t go after me; I had barely any soul left for him to long for…unless he’s just that desperate enough to take scraps from a near-husk.

What would he do when he came back? Would he wander around, lost, confused, until they welcomed him with false promises of salvation and freedom from the ‘burden’ of having a judgement-tied soul? Would he be violent, as they had been to him?

Then again…I came back after one of their attacks, but with a will of my own. Did they want me to come back? Why would they want me of all people to come back?

—

“You know how much trouble you caused us, […….…]?!” Ransley shouted as he kicked me in my injured leg. “Don’t act like you didn’t have this coming, you little weasel.”

“I didn’t-“ I tried to say.

Ransley propped me up on the sidewalk, just by the edge of the bridge, right above the river. He placed his hand on my bruised shoulder, looking at me with a bone-chilling grin.

Again, I got a good look at his eyes. This time, everything except the pupils was entirely white. As I looked I almost felt like I was staring at something beyond; further, even. But the harder I looked the more I could see how much nothing there was. And yet, in spite of that, this nothing seemed to be staring back at me.

The others had the same white eyes too, looking on with a horrible satisfaction.

“What…” I barely managed to say, “…what are y-you…?”

“Free,” Ransley answered, without his usual cruelty and instead with an uncharacteristically sanctimonious tone. “And with our help, so too will you be free.”

With a hard shove, I was pushed off the bridge.

I grabbed onto the edge with my hand, barely having the strength to pull myself up.

“T-this is insane-!” I cried. “Ransley! Please! Y-you can keep the book; I won’t call the police, just help me up-“

Ransley frowned and put his boot on my hand. He leaned in as he brought his foot down harder, crushing my hand. Bone splintered and crumbled under the weight of the shoe, and I let out a shriek as a cold look crossed his face.

“You really should stop holding on so much,” he said. “That’s your problem. That’s why you’re here. Just let go, and face oblivion.”

Ransley took his foot off finally, but my hand had run out of strength. I slipped, and fell into the river.

—

Either way, I had to work fast.

“Hey, kid!” Someone from the crowd called. “What’re you doing? Leave this to the professionals.”

I turned around, and maybe it was the speed at which I had whirled around to face them, or he did just flinch.

Was it my eyes?

“The police won’t find them,” I explained. “I know what I’m doing. I’ve studied demonology for a few years.”

I went back to the body.

“You mean you know who did this?” he asked.

“Maybe,” I answered. “I just wanna be sure…”

I pressed down on the bruises on their shoulder and arms. Hollow. I felt no bone or extra layer of skin or muscle underneath.

Just as I suspected, I thought. Soul devouring.

My only question now was, how much of the soul was left?

—-

The bridge wasn’t particularly tall; just enough for any small cargo ships to run under. But the fall felt much longer than it had any right to.

I never hit the water. I was swallowed by something but it certainly wasn’t the river. It was as cold and sharp but nothing wet ever touched my skin or clothes.

I did not fall into water. I fell into something foreign, something dark, something alive, something evil.

Its eyes were beady and attentive, focused, eager, and it had long rows of sharp fangs. It appeared to smile at me, expecting me, welcoming me. Whispers in demon-tongue surrounded me, and I overwhelmed myself trying to find a single word I could understand. The only thing I could catch was “going to hell” again…was this it? Was this hell? What circle was this?

I was immobile, unable to look away from the creature in front of me, unable to scream as it opened its fang-filled mouth. I couldn’t even let out a scream of protest; no, not against this, as it brought down its jaws and took a large bite out of a deep part of me even I could never access. The pain from my bruises and wounds no longer burned; only ached, as if the pain had been there forever.

I was hollow. If there was anything left, I barely even felt it. My wounds glowed a hot white color and became shallow. I felt nothing but an aching nigh-emptiness that seemed to have no origin I could place; no past; only a present and a long future.

I didn’t know how long I was in that void. But as much as I despised that thing for robbing me of my life, I was grateful that it chose to let me go.

—-


I took out my pen from my pocket and a couple of mini-candles from my satchel. I flicked a lighter and lit the candles, surrounding them at different points around the body. I began to draw an evocation circle around the body. I’m not sure what had stopped this cult from performing forced evocations as opposed to beating everyone into submission until they blacked out enough to face the abyss and have their soul devoured, but I wasn’t about to find any sense in a group of people who literally worship the abyss.

I took my time with the intricate webs of the circle, carefully connecting whatever remained of the soul to the points where I would draw in the runes, and connected those to the candles.

I then drew in symbols in the language of the spirits at the different sub-points that would draw up souls from the afterlife, adding a desperate prayer in each pen stroke that I evoke the right thing and not something unwelcome. I had to steady my hand as I did this, reminding myself that this was merely a human soul who was recently killed, so the chances of him having ended up in hell – was he that kind of person? – were slim; they had to be, of course they were; there was no need to panic so stop panicking. Yet knowing I was drawing the same symbols, the same webs, lighting the same candles as the deadly evokers around town who would break into people’s houses and draw evocation circles under their beds to call up who-knows-what from the pits of hell to torment the living…to think I was drawing the same circle that I checked for every night when I went to sleep…

The pen snapped in my shaking hand against the concrete, getting ink all over my hand. I swore, and rubbed some on my finger tip so I could start to finish the circle.

“What the hell are you doing, kid?!” someone cried, making me jump. “You’re tampering with evidence! That’s illegal!”

“You’re gonna screw up the investigation!” someone else shouted.

I steadied myself from being startled.

“This…this is the investigation,” I replied bluntly.

“Wh–okay…? Are you a detective or something?” the first guy asked.

I shrugged.

“I think so,” I said.

“You think-”

I could hear further shouts from the crowd as I turned the body over to draw the rest of the circle underneath, but I held up my hand to stop them from getting closer.

“Just let me work!” I cried without looking back.

That’s when I noticed some of the rapidly-decaying skin near the shoulder and side of the ankles. The skin had withered and given way to bone, the effect cutting through flesh and muscle. Even the bone had begun to decay.

Well, so much for minimal damage.  

I unzipped the victim’s jacket and pulled back the shirt just slightly to get a better look at the damage. The withering had spread further—the entire shoulder seemed about ready to decay. I took a camera out of my bag and took a picture of the decaying wounds.

With the remaining ink, I drew another sigil on the bandage of my injured hand, a heart-shaped eye-like symbol with two lines running up my index and middle finger. It was a painful process and I was just careful enough to have the pen not tear through the bandage, and I placed my shaking hand on the decaying shoulder and closed my eyes. I saw all of the injuries on the man’s body, including where he had been injured–he had a broken arm that had almost finished recovering, and a fractured foot that was also healing, but wasn’t as near completion as his arms. Either way, both of these had stopped healing, and had actually gotten worse, with the bones beginning to decay in both areas.

What was the point of beating people up, breaking them, letting them decay, and then expecting them to join you after you had broken them? My attackers probably went through the same thing as this man had–as I had, if this cult was larger than them. So why do the same thing to others?

But that was just it, though, wasn’t it?

They knew what it was like to be soulless, and only they knew not only how to recover from the injuries suffered, but how to disguise themselves as living to avoid trouble with the law.

I looked again at the bandages on my hand, and unraveled it slightly, careful not to let the crowd see. There, too, did my flesh begin to decay. This was the primary issue with not having a soul: without the very essence that gives us life, our bodies aren’t capable of self-healing anymore. Any injuries are permanent unless fixed by a doctor, or if we tend our own wounds.

Fortunately my bones—at least in my hand—hadn’t completely withered away. I managed to revive just in time, fortunately.

Just in time.

——

I don’t remember much about the day I woke up. Just the excruciating, aching pain.

What I did know was I had washed up on the shore of the city, and I couldn’t stand up for a very long time. A burning sensation enveloped my entire hand and knee, and I felt a throbbing sensation in both areas. The bruises from the beatdown stuck on me like a leech, but most vividly, my chest felt hollow. And it hurt. The emptiness gnawed at the inside of my chest, and it, too, burned and ached. Like a stomach ache in the wrong place.

With my good hand I crawled my way off of the shore until I found a lamppost. I grabbed onto it, and propped up my good knee. I swung my arm toward the lamppost, grabbing onto it with my bad hand, shocks of pain running through my body. I tried to haul myself up, but the weight of my body caved my knee in, and I collapsed. That’s when I got a good look at my hand.

Bits of skin had completely come off, seeming to have withered away. Pieces of bone underneath had chipped off.

I grew nauseous and I felt the blood drain from my face. I let out some inhuman noise that I reckoned was some attempt at a scream but came out as a cross between that and a moan of agony.

How had this happened?

It was a horrible sound, but at least I had been found. Otherwise, who knows what would’ve happened?

Or who else would’ve found me?

——

Finishing the circle grew tricky as my hand trembled, though I was unsure if it was from the injury or from the reality of the process itself.

“Kid, we don’t even know who you are,” the guy from earlier said. “Are you even a licensed detective?”

I ignored him and wiped some of the ink from my pen on my hand, pressing my hands together to activate the circle. As the soul fire candles flared, what little color was left in their eyes drained slowly, and a small, glowing, deteriorated wisp of a soul rose out of the victim’s body.

This was all that was left…

Somehow this dead man was just the same as I, who could still breath, still walk, still talk, still live—but only just.

What had this man’s soul seen before it was decimated? If, in fact, the same people who killed me are responsible for this, did he, too, see the same grinning face in the abyss that I had? Was he as afraid as I was? Or did he accept this as death?

I took my mage’s license out of my pocket and showed it to the crowd.

“I’m a licensed magic user,” I said, “is that enough?”

“…that’s not a detective license,” the same guy said. “I’m calling the police.”

“Great!” I said. “Tell them the Brotherhood of Abyss Walkers did this.” At this point it was all but confirmed.

“The…what?”

“The cult that keeps tormenting this forsaken town,” I explained. “The one behind all the unexplained murders.”

The guy—along with the rest of the crowd—stifled a laugh. Some of them couldn’t hold it in.

“There’s no cult in New Lumanore,” someone else said. “Our security’s airtight; no way they would’ve been able to form a guild without a license.”

“Just call the authorities, Aaron,” a lady in the crowd said. “This kid isn’t worth persuading.”

“W-wait-“ I said before letting out a resigned sigh. I packed up the candles and pocketed my pen, and took off. I knew who the culprit was. What the police had to say didn’t bother me.

They’ll believe me when I put the culprit behind bars.

—————

In previous investigations I managed to pin down the general area where the Abyss Walkers operate. Prior murders took place at least within a mile’s range of Eclipse Avenue, an area further south of New Lumanore. It was a relatively quiet and empty area; there were quite a bit of shops and buildings of unknown function that no one ever seemed to go into, not even during the day.

The entire place screamed occult activity.

Sure enough, just as I hit the corner of the avenue I caught a glimpse of a Moonlight Shroud charm, pinned to the outwear of a hooded figure. They were walking along the other side of the street, hanging close to the bare wall of a wide building.

Once they were some distance along I crossed the street quickly and began tailing them.

Confrontation wasn’t new to me, just…unfavorable. Is that why I trembled? Either way I knew the procedure: Walk with the same beat. Same path, same pattern of step. Stop when he stops. Walk like this until the shadow is close enough for contact.

Once I did I took out a capsule from my coat. It contained shadow ink, allowing me to either create my own shadow, or to hide within someone else’s. I didn’t have enough of a soul to perform any magical feats on my own–whatever I could do would probably just come out as sparks–so this was the best I could work with. Unfortunately the capsule was nearly empty, and I made a mental note to contact my supplier after I was finished. In the meantime, I used what was left to lather my hand in ink as I silently crept behind the lone cultist, and pressed my hand against his shadow. I latched on and eventually got pulled in. Inside the shadow realm, I had a black-and-white view of the street from inside the wall. I couldn’t breathe, though, and I couldn’t hold my breath for very long so I knew I had to jump him sooner rather than later.

I took a coin out of my pocket and tossed it outside behind the cultist. He stopped and turned around, as expected, and I took the moment to lunge out and grab him by the throat.

—————

The cultist narrowed his eyes, and an amused smirk came on his face.

“Hey…” he said. “I know you.”

I flinched. How?

He kicked me off and stood up.

“You…you’re the kid we got that book from!” He chuckled. “You don’t quit, do you? This is really what you chose to do after death? Vigilante work?”

I felt the blood drained from my face.

“…what are you talking about?” I lied. “What book?”

“The demonology book, stupid,” he said. “The thing damning you to begin with. You forgot already? Or did you lose your memories alongside almost all your soul somehow?”

I clenched my fist, resisting the urge to charge at him again. I couldn’t take him in a head-on fight. I was too weak for that.

“Tell me,” he said. “How’s it feel? Being so close to freedom, so close to ridding yourself of that moral creed weighing you down…no fear of rapture…just your life and your…well, I suppose now broken…body, and your heart and mind.”

“Shut up,” I snapped.

“Good thing you came back, though. We’ve been slacking on our initiations recently…Ardent went a little too hard on too many people. We’re behind on our quota.”

“Wait a sec…” I took a step back. “What do you mean ‘too hard?’ Aren’t they supposed to come back?”

“The idiot decided to use magic to slow the initiates down,” the cultist explained. “As if that wouldn’t damage the soul at all. I’m sure you of all people know. You’ve taken enough beatings form him, right, D–“

I punched him in the face. The second I made contact I realized I had used my bad hand without thinking. Bone snapped, collapsed, and even shifted through the hole in my hand. I let out a far-too-loud shriek of agony as I recoiled and caressed my hand, trying to relocate the bone.

The cultist looked at me and laughed, and I raised a finger on my good hand and threatened him:

“Don’t try that again,” I said. “I’ve still got one—ahh…—perfectly functioning hand.”

“Fine by me,” he replied. “You hit hard for a dead person…”

My hand still ached from the punch. I imagine it probably hurt me way more than it hurt him.

“Do you mean to turn me in, Shroud?” the cultist hissed. “Just try it. I know who you are. They’ll find out you’re undead and investigate you to hell and back. Whatever decimal of a soul you have left won’t save you. Not even close.”

“I can’t trust you with that information even if I let you go,” I said. “But even if you do…I’ll know sooner or later if you’ve said something. You best not try it if you don’t wanna die twice.”

The cultist grinned.

“I’m shaking,” he said, deadpan. “I’ll just come back again.”

“What, are there no revival limits in your little group?”

“Nope. He’ll bring us back again and again as long as he needs us.”

“That sounds terrible.”

“Oh, you’ve only been resurrected once, you big baby,” the cultist said. “You’ll get used to it.”

“I’m not joining you.”

“You have no reason not to,” the cultist said. “We can fix your broken body; make you look and seem as alive as the next person. Those remnants of a soul may not matter to the police, who’ll mark you as soulless anyway, but you know who it does matter to?” He pointed at the sky and at the group. “Them. Someone like you, who’s spent hours learning about heaven’s enemies…you think you have any chance of reaching heaven? HA!”

I fell silent. Just when I thought being registered as ‘dead’ to everyone you know meant they wouldn’t bother you about being a (rookie) demonologist anymore. That reminder worked my last nerve, yet every time it was brought up I could never muster up a proper defense.

“…I’m aware,” I mumbled.

“Besides, I’m sure you’re just livid at the police, who never caught who got you. I’m sure you’d like your vengeance against them for failing you…we can help you out with that, if you’d like. After all, why should we fear death, or judgement, from this life or the next? Like I’ve said, we’ve got no soul to weigh us down to heaven or hell. No death, no judgment. Just you, whatever you wanna do, and a welcoming oblivion who’ll spit you back out as many times as needed. As long as you keep it fed, that is.”

“It doesn’t matter if the police know or if they don’t know,” I said. “I know. And I’ll know more than they ever will. Besides, why the hell would I trust you to give me closure about my death–the death YOU caused?!”

The cultist frowned.

“And that’s just the trouble, isn’t it…you’re just about soulless, and the only soulless person New Lumanore who isn’t with us and…for what? You lose nothing by joining us!”

“First of all,” I shouted. “I am not soulless. Your stupid demon didn’t take all of it.”

“Yeah. Still not sure why that happened,” the cultist replied, “but who am I to question the great abyss–”

“Oh, shut up. And second of all–just in case you forgot–YOU KILLED ME! I don’t owe you loyalty, or gratitude, or mercy…I owe you nothing.”

“You may be upset now,” the cultist said, “but you’ll learn to thank us later.”

“I will not.”

His frown turned into a scowl. He took out a small cylinder from his pocket.

“I was gonna use this the day of the attack,” he said, “but I didn’t see any point. Seemed like the others were doing just fine without the staff.”

Sure enough, the cylinder popped open into a metal bo-staff. He walked towards me, twirling it through his fingers.

“You’ve been chasing the wrong thing, Shroud,” he said. “You think you need vengeance, but what you really need is security. We all know what being soulless is like. You’re weaker, you can’t heal your wounds, you can’t do magic, and it’s pretty obvious when you’ve just come back from the dead. I don’t care what three-percent of a soul you do have; it’s nowhere near enough for you to enjoy all the privileges of being fully human. Face it. You’re basically the same as us.”

As I stepped back, he stopped spinning the staff and instead gripped it with both hands.

“So you can either let go of those remnants you have the audacity to still call a soul, then come with us and let us give you the safety you so desperately need,” he said, rearing the staff back, “…or we’ll just break you further and let oblivion do what it wishes with your remains.”

He started to bring the staff down.

“WAIT!” I yelled, bringing my hands to my face.

Surprisingly enough, he actually froze, the staff a couple inches from my face.

“Okay…I get it…” I said. “You’re right. I won’t turn you in. Just…promise me you won’t tell anyone who I am.”

“What’s stopping me?” the cultist asked, cocking his head slightly and raising an eyebrow.

“Look. I didn’t turn you in,” I said. “You owe me.”

“No I don’t. I’m not tied to anything but oblivion.”

I let out an annoyed huff.

“Like I said. I’ll know if you exposed me,” I reminded him. “I don’t care if that scares you or not, just…let me go.”

“Let YOU go?! You jumped ME!”

“And I had—I…thought…I had the right to. Look…I’m backing down. You go about your night. I go about mine. We don’t speak of this.”

The cultist hesitated, then put the staff away.

“Fine,” he said. “But we’ll still come back for you. Whether or not your initiation goes smoothly is entirely on you.”

With that, he pulled out the same charm he had on the day of the attack, and vanished.

“See you around,” he said.

That was the last I heard of him that night.

Once I thought I was safe, I let out a loud groan of annoyance.

I had him. He was literally a few feet away. If I *just* had more shadow ink that would’ve been it for him.

But…he was right. I was at every possible disadvantage. And I couldn’t work like that. I shouldn’t have jumped him. I should’ve just taken note of his appearance and went from there. That was foolish on my part.

But…I did have his appearance now.

But he had my identity.

I still wasn’t at a complete advantage. And I couldn’t work like that. I had to lay low, and rebuild. My hand was wounded and I was lucky I didn’t get my skull bashed in. There was no way I could have recovered from that. But I wouldn’t give up. I had a lead and I wasn’t letting go of it.

I didn’t care about their ‘freedom’ or ‘not being tied down’ or anything like that. Fact of the matter is, they were hurting people, and their demon lord had more control over them than they’d realize.

They were beyond redemption. The demon didn’t bind them through any soul manipulation or contract–it was some weird combination of free will, gratitude, and the threat of permanent death.

These cultists had to go, and quickly. They had to pay, and dearly.

I know I’m weak, but once I’m back up and running I would do as much damage from the shadows as humanly possible.

They weren’t bound by any rules, so why should I have to be?

I didn’t care how many times I would get hurt. They ruined my life, and I was going to pay them back tenfold.