#maybe it's just time to listen to alice isn't dead again

[darkacademiaarchivist]

what i really need in my life is an audiobook of one last stop read by Jasika Nicole

[akalikai]

TMAGP EP 30 SEASON FINALE REACTION (SPOILERS)

OH MY GOD IM IN CLASS OK HERE WE GO READING THE TRANSCRIPT I'LL LISTEN LATER

i hate the episode name btw

SAM YOU FUCKING IDIOT SHE'S NOT ANGRY YOU'RE IN DANGER YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER AAAAAAAA YOU'RE GONNA GET YOURSELF KILLED (also the transcript saying he sounds "ill" i don't like that)

"alice means well but she doesnt really understand" oi celia what do you mean she doesn't understand she got attacked by the same thing sam did

"my head is killing me" i dont think this is a normal headache ALSO IM SO SUSPICIOUS DONT TAKE THE PILLS SAMAMA KHALID COME ON

"all goes to plan" WHAT CELIA WHAT (they say like they're surprised that she's sus)

"ticket officer, not paid enough for this" NONE OF US ARE BUDDY

oh jesus christ colin is gonna end up dead isnt he. and possibly teddy too. both of them acted the same way based on alice saying she was busy

waiy. colin is in the office, but lena and gwen are in the office too?? also lena is gonna end up dead and gwen is gonna feel guilty isn't she

OH NEVER MIND. GWEN YOU'RE ABOUT TO GET FUCKED. I REALLY HOPE LENA GETS TO GO HOME TO HER SPOUSE AND GOES "yeah fuck THAT I'm glad I'm out of there"

wait they KNOW it was one the train??? wtf???? and why is celia so calm about this

"what unit did you say it was?" "Seventeen-" SEVENTEEN RIGHT HERE-sorry I'm coping with jeonghan's enlistment date okay

CELIA WHAT THE FUCK WHAT DO YOU MEAN CALL IT A HUNCH. GIRL ARE YOU SERVING THE EYE?????

"we want your teeth" JARED HOPWORTH??? IS THAT YOU????

now who the FUCK is this custodian hold on checking the VA list-ok nvm not breekon or hope i was wondering bc. yknow. custodian. maybe a reference

this custodian is so real he's like "yeah no this ain't any of my business you do you boo"

LMFAOOO THE TAXI DRIVER THINKING SAM IS CHEATING ON ALICE WITH CELIA AND THAT SHE'S GOING TO KILL THEM BOTH

THE CUSTODIAN JUST YELLING "SHUT UP" IS TAKING ME OUT OH MY GOD AND THE KNOCKING ACTUALLY STOPS

get archivisted bro

oooo okay so hilltop centre got a bloody history. but also who is this "he" that hired the custodian? also the fact that he refuses to come in the daytime is very interesting because usually people would find it less creepy at daytime but he seems to be more comfortable at night?? which is giving the dark but ok

poeple ARRIVED???? NO WAY THEY CONFIRMING THE CRACK AT HILLTOP ROAD CONNECTS HERE ALONG WITH MOST PROBABLY OTHER UNIVERSES

"why the outfit was so mismatched, why the clothes were been pinned in place" okay this is kind of reminded me of the stranger for no particular reason????

OH THE FUCKING OWNER DIED OKAY

SORRY AS HE TURNS TO CONCRETE?????? WHAT????

a precipice????? sorry is there a whole-ass different world??? also celia wtf do you mean "almost"??? yeah sam its about time you asked her more questions

Sam's headache is not comforting me i don't think its normal WOOOOOO CONFIRMATION THE UNIVERSE-JUMPER CELIA

ahhh there it is. she was using him as a balance because she hoped getting him close enough to the magnus institute would make him enough a balance.

IS THE ARCHIVIST STOPPING HER???? ALSO SAM WHAT THE FUCK WHY ARE YOU JUST TELLING HER TO DO IT????

god sam you fucking idiot i love you. she betrayed you and lied to you and yet you still fought the archivist for her. also alice coming here worries me because i think she has a close connection to the magnus institute too and she might get sacrificed

NOT AGAIN???? OH MY GOD DID HER PARENTS DIE IN HILLTOP ROAD?????

gwen you're gonna get yourself and everyone killed oh my god

...see i dont know if i trust that now. i know celia hesitated but who's to say she wouldn't take the opportunity to push sam? or even not done anything when she had the chance to save him? i mean...i guess she did say "even though..."

MAN. SAM. I KNEW YOU WERE PROBABLY GONNA DIE FIRST BUT DAMN. STUPID MAN. I LOVE YOU.

i dont think sam is dead i mean celia fell through the rift and lived, who's to say sam couldn't do the same? the question is, which universe did he fall into? and will celia tell alice the truth about what she was planning?

mainly, though, i need to know whats going on with colin because WHAT DID HE MEAN WITH FR3DD1 WHAT HAPPENED. AND WHAT IS GOING ON WITH TEDDY.

[iris-sistibly]

The Targ Talk: House of the Dragon S2

Episode 2 commentary:

I have to say, this is by far the best performance I have seen from the cast members! Everyone was so good, I was blown away by their acting. The actors have gotten so much better in season 1, looking forward for more of these in the next episodes.

Aegon is distraught, angry, and broken understandably because he lost his own son, him declaring war against the blacks was a bit late though because it has already begun the moment Otto and Alicent usurped Rhaenyra's throne. Again, Aegon is just a pawn in this game, and that the children--his and Rhaenyra's are the collateral damages. I do like that part of him of still trying to protect Jaehaerys even in death (him not wanting to parade his dead son's body), and his guts to remove Otto as hand. I'm not exactly sure however if Aegon resents Helaena or if the reason why he ignored her was that he couldn't face her after failing to protect her and the babies. I mean, when he went berserk and started accusing and questioning everyone else, but perhaps deep inside he too felt guilty because he was drinking his ass off that night. Maybe a bit of both? But my delulu self is leaning towards the latter just because I have read too many Helaegon fanfics. Too many.

I must say though that it was incredibly stupid to choose Crispy Cole as the new hand. This motherfucker doesn't give a shit about anything else other than killing Rhaenyra for killing his ego...I mean, can this dude get any more pathetic? He has the audacity to call out Ser Arryk for his filthy cloak and lecture him about all these bullshit that I didn't even listen to (at least not that much), yet he's way filthier than the whores of the brothels. But, y'all should seriously stop posting hate comments on Fabien's ig.

I cannot stand Otto's bullshits this episode. Upon Lucerys' death, I'm guessing that the commonfolk probably felt bad for Nyra and to make sure that they earn their sympathy, he took the opportunity to make Rhaenyra look like a murderer, and by forcing a funeral procession, let everyone see Jaehaerys' dead body despite his parents' disapproval thus gaining support from the public. He doesn't care about the boy, or any of his family members really.

The confrontation scene between Daemon and Rhaenyra was intense. Love every bit of Matt and Emma's performances, in the book it states that they were targeting Aegon (some say), but the dude had kingsguards with him wherever he goes, so Blood and Cheese went for the "easier target" aka Helaena and her three young children. Daemon wanted to inflict the worst pain to the Greens in retaliation, but I don't think Rhaenyra ever confronted her husband with the death of Jaehaerys because she was blinded by her grief and anger (so did Aegon).

I still refuse to believe that it wasn't Aemond's intention to kill Luke. All those years of pent up anger just exploded, oh and he was never bullied by the Velaryon/Strong brothers in the book, Alicent's boys resented their nephews because they stole what they believed was their birthright, the iron throne. Hence they have always been rivals, and Aemond has always hated the boys even before this chaos began. Aegon even praised Aemond for what he did to Luke.

Ser Erryk being loyal to Rhaenyra until the end 😭

Helaena is grieving for her son's death, and Alicent is more concerned about her getting caught by the former banging her bodyguard. Then she sees Aegon being miserable, and she feels bad for him but she needs some Crispy Creme that night so she just let her kids mourn on their own (I mean I know hugging isn't really a thing in their family, but at least be there you know). She also feels bad and guilty for what happened but, she has other ✨priorities✨.

Hoping for more Jacaela moments [at least] before Jace dies, I wish they also showed more of Rhaena grieving for Luke. Also, it's about time they introduce Daeron Targaryen.

I missed seeing Seasmoke, in contrast with the book, Laenor didn't actually die so some are speculating that he might return this season. What do you think?

Oh, and hello to Alyn and Addam of Hull ❤️❤️

[permettez-moi]

The burning bridge audiobook thinkies:

So you are telling me that in the burning bridge alone, we discover Halt has not only tossed a baron into the moat, but he also yeeted Gilan in the river before making him his apprentice, I fear that's where it started (or maybe he's dealing with his past trauma xD)

Also the fact that Halt basically yeeted the baron in the moat bc he missed Will so much

Halt admitting that his grim face is trained 'cultivated over the years'

The reader of the audiobook reads Alyss as al-iece/ al-is / al-ise (he kind of drawls out the 'yss' part of her name, instead of saying Alice, which is how I say it in my head, which is therefor the only correct way, so it hurts my ears

ALYSS BRINGING UP THE MOAT INCIDENT

HAHAHAH I'M DYING TO THE FACT THAT ALYSS BASICALLY SAID SHE'S SCARED WILL WILL TURN OUT LIKE HALT (grim and silent) (also the fact that, when Alyss died Will did turn so brb crying)

I am obsessed with Gil fangirling about Horace's swordmanship

OMG OMG OMG the scene where Halt and Alyss are out to convince that one absolute asshole of a baron(?) To hand over troops to Arald, because he has refused before, claiming independence from Redmond fief, and he is being a misogynistic shit, and Halt steps up, SAYING HE IS TO ADRESS ALYSS AS 'LADY ALYSS' AND NOT AS GIRL OR SWEETHEART OMMGGGG I AM FANGIRLING SO MUCH, MY HEARTBEAT GOT RAISED FROM THIS

I am dying please help

THE BOOK STATES THAT HALTS BOW IS 60 KG, AND BECAUSE HE HAS TO DRAW IT OFTEN AND EASILY, HIS ARM PROLLY HOLD A LOT MORE STRENGTH THAN THAT, AND I GENUINELY DON'T MEAN THIS IN A HOE WAY, BUT I WEIGH BETWEEN 60-70 KG MEANING HALT COULD PICK ME UP WITH EASE, AND IT IS DOING THINGS TO ME

3 people. Halt has, so far, tossed 3 people in moats. I always thought it was just the one guy. (And Gil isn't technically a moat, but I am counting it)

Let's not talk about Halt kind of crushing on Alyss after she kisses him on the cheek. Let's just pretend it doesn't excist

EVANLYN EVANLYN EVANLYN

Not Gil saying he'll hang the bandits

Okay okay, hear me out, Evanlyn/Gil (or Cas/Gil)

Poor Duncan thinking Cassie is dead makes me cry

Crying again at Duncan discovering Cassie is still alive

The small detail that Arald, too, was sad about Will being kidnapped

Halt crying about Will

Okay but Gil seeing Horace's move with the dagger before anyone else is a really fun detail

Morgarath is called insane here, and I think it really works

RODNEY SCREAMING TO LIL BABY HORACE BC HE'S AL WORRIED AND UPSEt

The scene at the boat between Halt and Will is being listened to in class, and my emotions are very hard to contain

Help I finished it already, but it's like €10 for each book, and they're only about 10h of listening time, which is approximately a full school day (I listend while I work) and when I tell you I don't have to money for this 😭😭 (any of you know where I can 'loan' the books read by William Zappa?)

[lazykiwi]

Okay, I relistened and have notes on episode 1 of magnus protocol. (Spoilers for the first episode) Bare in mind, this is just my thoughts on the characters and the episode, and a lot of my brain filling in gaps that I know will be filled later

First off, love love LOVE Alice, I know jonny and most likely Alex, are gonna put her through some misery later on, but for now I can have my joke away the spooky character that I will get emotionally attached to and cry when they inevitably die. Cuz it's Alex, she will. I've already come to terms with it. But please, hand in marriage, please.

Next Sam, bless this boy, has no idea what he's in for, but he's trying his best. I think he has a connection to the magnus Institute. I don't know how yet, so that's still to figure out. Maybe old family? I don't know, just gonna throw everything at the wall and hope something sticks.

GWENDOLYN! LOVE HER! Would do a better job than lena at running the OIAR. She's not slow, she's efficient, and there's a difference. I kinda hope she snaps at some point, she's a bouchard for crying out loud, she'll have a trick up her sleeve.

Lena, I am obsessed with her voice, absolutely love her voice, I don't think she's the big baddie like elias was, maybe doesn't realise she's working for the baddie? Again, going off nothing but my own ideas here.

Colin absolutely knows something up, especially with that ending, maybe from trying to get the app going, he accidentally found something he wasn't supposed to, and that's why he's staying? To figure it out? Saying the app isn't ready, either cuz he's either spent more time trying to figure out what's going on or is just saying its not ready so he has an excuse to have more time to find out more?

Finally on characters, Norris and Chester... I can imagine the smug looks on jonny and Alex's faces seeing all of us lose our collective shit as we were all trying to figure out who they were playing, just for them to be spooky siri and alexa.... God damn it you two. Though, maybe them reading out the cases is a way of showing what the real cases are, like how in tma it was if the statement had to be read on a tape recorder?

Okay, onto the stat- i mean cases... the cases. The first one feels pretty tma standard someone deciding to fuck around and find out too late, however the "some of him" bit...hate, love it, but hate it. The second one with Chester, the first institute mention we have, I'm more surprised it was in the first episode, I thought it would come later. Again with the "Canaries should stay above ground".... love and hate it... these god damn one-liners... also, does anyone have any thoughts on what that photo is? Eyes are mentioned obviously, and I wanna hear what peoples thought it might be, I have a feeling a pair of those eyes could be redcanarys' eyes, and the poor sod is most likely dead. Again, Sam definitely has a connection to the institute. I don't know how, but he does.

Finally, props to the orchestra for that music, Jesus Christ, it was so good! The ending music is essentially "the world is ending because the villain finally won" kind music, legit got goosebumps when I first listened to it, want that music injected into my bloodstream please and thank you!

[temistheranger]

for the podcast ask game: 1, 5, 10, 13, 14, 20?

1.) what’s the first podcast you listened to?

Welcome to Night Vale was the first one I can remember.

5.) what’s a podcast that you really like but find it kinda hard to follow the plot?

I don't actually listen to a lot of narrative podcasts, but maybe Old Gods of Appalachia?

10.) what’s a podcast that you wish you could listen to again for the first time?

Definitely Alice isn't Dead. The way things connected in the end was just beautiful, and I'd like to listen to it fresh.

13.) what do you like to do while listening to a podcast?

I play games, crochet, or fall asleep. It depends. Sometimes I cook.

14.) who is a podcast character that you love?

I really like the characterization of Michelle Nguyen from WTNV, but the one I feel like I'd love to be friends with is Martin Blackwood from The Magnus Archives.

20.) who's a podcast character that you think would dress really cool?

The obvious answer is Cecil Gershwin Palmer.

[platypusplayhere]

Thank you @dangerliesbeforeyou for tagging me, im mentioning all kinds of media bc I love to rant, I have a lot of love in my heart and I have trouble choosing just 8: (im making this on mobile hope it's readable).

Howl's moving castle (2004)

My first experience of gender envy, gender fascination, gender emulation for Howl, at a time I didn't even know that gender was a thing because I was like idek 7 years old.

Kiss of the rabbit god (2019)

A short movie, stumbled onto it bc of Tumblr. You honour, I simply love it.

Shrek (2001)

I'm not being ironic I'm very serious about this one. My mom used to braid my hair weekly when I was little and I constantly played this one, I know it by heart and I'm not joking. I freaking love this movie. Same goes for Mulan, Beauty and the beast, Charlie and the chocolate factory, and the whole Shrek franchise up to the 3rd one. (Gotta watch Puss in boots 1 and 2 tho.)

V for vendetta (2005)

This is a shout-out to 14 years old me who might have at some point based their personality around this movie or maybe they didn't, who's to say. I'm not sorry. Kinda still like it tho.

Corpse bride (2005)

There is an independent cinema in my hometown and they did run it often over the years. Bestie I don't know how many times I went to see this movie with my mother as a child. Recently learned about the Jewish origins of this myth and im a lil upset about the stolen storyline without the context. But some will say it's a Burton movie and they're right.

Valentine's day (2011)

First movie I went to see alone with my friends, I was like 12yo. Rewatched it again like 2 years ago, yeah it ain't that great but it's the memories right.

Father and soldiers (2022)

The last movie that made me cry. I hate war movies but my friends convinced me to go because it was less than 2 hours and I've been mad at movies being more than two and a half hours lately (looking at u House of Gucci, Doctor Strange 2) yeah, I cried my eyes out. It's not a perfect movie but the message is great and very moving. I don't like the English title because the original/French title directly refers the name of a group of African soldier recruited by France in its colonies during WWI -> "Les Tirailleurs" (if I remember well, the soldiers were recruited in every colonies but they left Africa from the Senegal and so all these soldiers are referred as Senegalese regardless of their actual origins). The English title is more fitting thematically wise I'll give you that.

Fulmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood (2009)

Knew about it, was recommended by a dear mutual of mine on this very hellsite and yeah, ppl keep saying it's good because it just is.

I told sunset about you/ I promised you the moon (2020-2021)

If you read my tags u know how I rant about this show often. Watched it 2 years ago thanks to someone i follow on Tumblr (but im not really sure who it was anyway if you're a mutual thank you sm). My first foray into BL (back when I didn't even know what it was) and I couldn't be happier that I started with this. I don't have enough words to praise it. (currently writing a post about it tho, stay tuned for whenever I get around to finish it (tell me if u wanna know when it's up), big up to Bad Buddy and To My Star too)

Honoured mentions bc I started making a list and had more than 8 and couldn't not mention them:

Other movies: O'brother, Love and Leashes, God's own country, Jackie Brown, The big lebowsky (idek if I like this movie but I needed something to base my personality around when I was 15yo)

The book The Hunchback of Notre-Dame by Victor Hugo, I'm gonna keep my rant about how the English title is a misunderstanding of the book locked and not even start it.

Alice isn't dead and The Magnus archives (although they're podcasts and I haven't quite finished them, the first seasons are exquisite)

Welcome to Night Vale, I have a lot of episodes to catch up on (currently working on that) started listening like in 2016 then stopped around idek 2 years ago. Some of these episodes are masterpieces ( some I know by heart: Guidelines for disposal, Love is a shambling thing, What happened at the Smithwick House, If he had lived, and The Pilot ofc)

the ballet Swan Lake (1995, 2012) by Matthew Bourne. I don't have enough words. I'll just say it's on youtube.

.....and many more im not think abt rn

*acts surprised* this became a real long post, real quick

(That's why I take a lot of time to answer those lmao, shout out and thank you to the ppl who tag me in these and then I take a lot of time to answer)

Tagging these people and anyone who wants to do it can mention me: @sherlockig @dontbesoevil @lordmeowdemort @namelessbeing @hairbackc0llarup @comrademichael @johnlockdynamic @lovelywickedsoul @frenchsiren

[angstics]

q's queliot ficlist ^_^

(mostly 2019, mostly s3/4)

my favorite bookmarks:

Imagine being loved by me. by destielpasta (E, 11K)

Eliot is saved and the monster is gone, but the body he's left with is far from healed. The aftermath of his possession leaves him feeling overwhelmed and unable to process the world around him in the same way. or Eliot is touch-starved but can't be touched, and just when he really wanted to be touched by Quentin. But where there's a will there's a way, and they have the will in spades.

In the Woods Somewhere by pineapplecrushface (E, 15K)

Quentin has a list of chores, listens to some Queen, and adjusts a bar graph. Or: Alice being unable to wipe younger Quentin's memory during the timeshare spell had a ripple effect.

You're a Story (I Can Follow) by Page161of180 (M, 19K)

The Monster's been defeated, Quentin is dead, and Eliot has a quest of his own--if he can trust himself to complete it. An Orpheus and Eurydice remix.

The Honor of Your Presence by Page161of180 (M, 18K)

Eliot and Quentin are getting married. A story in three acts, as told by three of the somewhat less dearly beloved, gathered here today. (Or: the best thing about true love? It doesn’t need to make sense to anyone except the ones in it.)

All the World in Time by Giddygeek (M, 35K)

Quentin and Eliot go home to meet their family.

don't ruin this on me. by milominderbinder (E, 133K, the only fic i subscribed to)

The beauty of all life can mean a lot of things. In this world, Quentin and Eliot accidentally stumble across the mosaic’s solution two years in, and are sent back to the present to find the rest of the keys with their friends. The only problem is, in those two years, Quentin and Eliot have started sleeping together, and also fallen madly in love — but neither will admit it. And when they come crashing back to real life, they have to try to keep hooking up, hide it from their friends, hide their real feelings from each other, and finish the Keys Quest to bring back magic, all at the same time.

Fragments by Rizandace (NR, 23K)

Quentin Coldwater is not losing his mind. Probably. Maybe. Or if he is, it's definitely magic's fault. Q is forced to watch his worst nightmare unfold right in front of him, and it's up to him, Eliot, and their friends to figure out why.

to be unbroken or be brave again. by milominderbinder (T, 14K)

A loosely 10 Things I Hate About You inspired AU.

To Learn to Be Again by portraitofemmy (E, 18K)

The Monster is gone, but that doesn't mean everything's okay. It's not. But maybe Quentin and Eliot can learn to be.

The Future Says Now by Page161of180 (NR, 72K)

Or: Alice saves Queliot, and saves the world. And just maybe figures out who she's always been.

something richer by wayfarer (NR, 16K)

Dear Q, the letter reads. This is going to sound insane, but I'm writing to you from the future.

Unwish by waveleafcloud (T, 72K)

Quentin’s back from the dead and recovering and everything’s fine. Of course, no one seems to know exactly how he made it back, and he can’t shake the feeling that he’s forgotten something important, and he’s really not sure what’s going on with him and Eliot lately…

All the Comforts of Home by Hth (E, 75K, recent favorite)

The last place he moved into with Eliot was Whitespire, and the place before that was the Physical Kids' cottage, and – third time's a charm, isn't it? Isn't that how the stories always go?

all the way home I’ll be warm by portraitofemmy (E, 15K)

Surviving the Holidays, featuring depression, love, magic, sex, dogs, and family both new and old.

smaller fics i enjoyed:

Softly Coursing by keepingthecloudsaway (rainydayrambling) (E, 8.9K)

They had been here -- living here, Quentin was finally starting to understand -- for one year, three weeks, and four days. # An exploration of how Quentin and Eliot's relationship might have grown and progressed over the years in Fillory, and how Quentin is dealing (and not dealing) with that now.

flowing all this time by mtothedestiel (E, 5.4K)

Three years into the mosaic Eliot takes everything he thought he knew about the normal course of things, packs it up into a metaphorical box, kicks the box off the edge of a cliff, and never looks back.

Scenes in the Life by MermaidMarie (T, 2.1K)

In which Quentin and Eliot live an entire life together. (collection of missing scenes from 3x05)

Tessellate by TenaciousMe (NR, 3.7K)

Everyone's run a bit ragged after this whole Monster business. Quentin catches a cold, and Eliot takes care of him. Some friends visit to raise Quentin's spirits.

The Long Way Around by adjovi (NR, 5.5K)

The monster tries to restore Quentin's memories, but mistakenly throws him into another timeline.

On The Way Down by hoteldestiel (T, 5.7K)

Dying was one thing. Dying to save your best friends and defeat the oppressive Librarian Overlords was another, much more noble thing. But dying to save your best friends, defeat the oppressive Librarian Overlords, and winding up stuck on a seemingly never-ending elevator ride down, down, down to the Underworld with both of your exes and Margo Hanson wasn't exactly the hero's death Quentin had been expecting.

[mangoslixes]

3, 5, and 20 please!

Hi liz! I'm so sorry for the late reply, just saw this now <3

3. What were your top five books of the year?

One Last Stop by Casey Mcquiston: it takes first place because of how cute this is. Also because the characters were all written beautifully and it gives you this sense of comfort of happiness finding its way back to you through the threads of time. It reminds me of the poem to love someone is to attend a thousand funerals of the people they used to be.

Howl's Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones: a number of reasons why this was one of my top five, but mostly because it sort of reassures you that you don't have to be perfect to chase your happily ever after, or to doubt it. Cut up some suits, throw some weed killer because your heart skipped a beat, summon some ghoul bois because you're having a terrible hair day, it's life.

The Secret History by Donna Tartt: a book club read I enjoyed! It was a mess, but I loved it regardless. It was so intelligently written, and the mythological parallels, and how I had to go back to see the signs that she had thrown in the text just <3333 Made me fall out of love of the entire dark academia aesthetic though.

Devotions by Mary Oliver: a poetry collection for everyone. I've let so many people borrow it, and a lot of the poems I find myself going back to.

Kitchen by Banana Yoshimoto: it counts because I picked it up again this year...twice :') it's just so full of tenderness and grief and familiarity that it's always going to be here. Love is stored in the kitchen is a sentiment that truly belongs with this book <3

5. What genre did you read the most of?

Horror ;-; I read and listened to a lot of horror genre from books to podcasts. Mexican Gothic, House of Leaves, Mabel, The White Vault, The Magnus Archives, The Antique Shop, The Mcllwraith statements, Among the stars and bones, Out of Sight, Red Valley, Alice isn't dead, Limetown to name a few. But most of them are podcasts, so I don't know if it counts or not.

20. What was your most anticipated release? Did it meet your expectations?

My most anticipated release would be Time is a mother by Ocean Vuong. Did it meet my expectations? Kind of. I love a lot of the poems in it, but maybe because I was expecting it to make me as vulnerable as Night sky with exit wounds had made me feel, it missed its mark? There are definitely a few poems that knock me out and leave me curled up on the floor, but a lot of them have certain lines that disrupt a lot of the sentimental flow. If that makes sense.

Regardless I loved it a lot. There were a lot of techniques I recognised and I liked the abruptness of some, and the reassurance of others. It's a lovely collection.

[thedevotionaltour]

i need to be insane about a podcast again i miss listening to story podcasts so deeply. i need to finish wolf 359 but ugh I'm in a state where I vaguely remember enough that if I restarted I would be annoyed but it would be good for me but I could maybe continue without it. I wanna try and relisten to Alice isn't dead and not fall asleep during half of it bc I would always play it when I was tired for some reason or like during car trips and then just conk out. I wanna try relistening to within the wires bc I was just reminded of its existence. Ultimately this post however is me going I should listen to orbiting human circus bc every time I hear a song from it on spotify i lose my mind a little

[youaremysunshine-court]

Okay okay okay I've had maybe 8 hours of sleep over 3 days but an aftg hc will fix me thus I present

The foxes' fav podcasts

Aaron

the beef and dairy podcast

he's a basic bitch - listens to it on the way to work/ college

refuses to argue about it, clearly his opinions are the only right ones

he will occasionally listen to a podcast on exy if it covers on of the foxes

Andrew

welcome to nightvale

he started listening in high-school and never stopped

like Aaron, he knows his opinions are the only right ones, but he will not hesitate to verbally decimate someone who disagrees

(yes it helped him accept his sexuality)

Kevin

tends to jump podcasts depending on his current obsession

also tends to listen to podcasts in random order, again according to what interests him most, but it annoys everyone around him

doesn't listen to fiction, mostly talk shows, exy players interviews, and history podcasts (Loves Revolutions, will pull out his socialist trousers at any time)

Nicky

listened to one (1) dnd podcast bc he thought it would draw him and Andrew together

normally listens to Crime Junkie and then calls Erik bc he can't sleep

loves the new watcher podcast, but will always be a buzzfeed unsolved fangirl at heart

(like Kevin, he jumps around but prefers to be caught up on a podcast beforehand)

Neil

he doesn't care for podcasts as a whole, but strangely he's the one who enjoys dnd podcasts

he found one (1) he liked his last year of college

binges them at the gym and on running days

he is SO picky, the vibes have to be just right or he will not listen

(he once dropped a podcast bc one of the players' characters 'gave him bad vibes')

Dan

bechdel cast fan all the way down

sometime she renee and allison will lie around in the dark with an episode playing

goes down the list in chronological order, until she catches up and then listens to each episode the day it drops

writes up a detailed review of each episode and posts it once she's finished

Allison

again a bechdel cast fan, listens to them with dan

on her own, she listens to Mabel

devoted fan, even when they dropped off the planet for YEARS, she stayed there listening to old episodes

absolutely overjoyed at the new episodes, she can't wait for them to meet

(shipping them may have tipped her off to her own bisexuality)

Renee

true crime/horror fan

not podcasts, but she goes down the strangest wormholes trying to find 'real paranormal experiences'

listens to slightly unreal podcasts like Alice isn't dead, welcome to nightvale (her and Andrews first bonding experience), and the magnus archives

she has so much lore on the undead, the fae, vampires - it's not even funny bc sometimes she points out people in cafes and goes 'he looks...' before allison shushes her

Matt

behind the bastards fan (sometimes he drives Kevin around while they both listen to Robert Evans smooth voice)

will punch a nazi despite the podcasts repeated pleas to fight them in more official ways

Renee introduced him to horror, but he prefers subtly unsettling to outright horror - he listens to 12:37, folxlore, and middle:below

he likes listening to mabel with Allison, but sometimes can't deal with the raw emotion

Seth

Didn't listen to podcasts

He couldn't process words by themselves, if there was a transcript sometimes he'd listen to a podcast at x1.5 speed

huge buzzfeed unsolved fan (not the supernatural ones, just the true crime ones)

pretty into american history, but not in a frat boy way, more like oh yeah the appalachias used to be covered by water there could be pirate ghosts there

fucking loved old gods of appalachia, but was too scared to listen to more than one episode a month

And that's that! (Buzzfeed unsolved is an honorary podcast I will fight you)(all these podcasts are from ym personal curated list bc im picker than neil) :)

[beoneofus]

THE LOST BOYS : DAVID AND DWAYNE

- With bands they'd like from the 2000's and 90's

𝘿𝘼𝙑𝙄𝘿

I feel like David would be the type to like Weezer (1990's). They aren't too mediocre and definitely not TOO rock n roll. Although their songs can be held as emotional due to some being made in the depressive era, I think he could somewhat relate to them. David isn't the emotional type, but I feel like some of the songs could relate to how he feels about Max or his past. ‘ Say It Ain't So ’ would be a song I'd surround him with, for the mere fact I feel like he'd be REALLY into it if he were still human.

Rancid (1990's) is a band i'd associate David with. They aren't too punk, but just the right amount. I feel as if, when he's in the mood, he'd really have a feel with the beats of the songs and lightly headbang. The song ‘ Time Bomb ’, I feel like he'd compare it to himself and his life, seeing as it's somewhat relatable.

Millencolin (1990's) is a band I feel like David would listen to for the story the lyrics tell, not the song itself. Although the beat is hardcore with most of the songs, I don't see it as something he'd like. Maybe once in a while, when he's in a certain ‘ don't-bother-me-or-you're-dead ’ mood, but that's about it.

Say Anything (2000's) isn't a band David would be TOO into. Once again, it's more for the story behind the lyrics. Even though he wouldn't favor the band, I think he'd still like the song ‘ Hate Everyone ’ because it's slightly vulgar and has strong language.

𝘿𝙒𝘼𝙔𝙉𝙀

Like Marko, I think Dwayne would like Nirvana (1990's) because of the style of their music. Each songs has a different beat that could range from mellow, to air guitar worthy, to switching between both. I think he'd appreciate the song ‘ Apologies ’ because it's pretty calm, besides the whole base drop.

Korn (1990's) is a band I can see him listening to. Although he's quiet and prefers the peace, I see him as the type to listen to hardcore shit when he's in his own headspace. The band is pretty wild, which would - possibly - be a Paul thing, if he liked metal, but I think Dwayne would actually vibe with it and even headbang like he was born to do, when in the partying mood.

Alice in Chains (1990's) seems like something Dwayne would listen to when trying to focus, read a book, or just have aline time. Their music kind of has a eerie, mysterious vibe to it which totally radiates Dwayne energy. I can see their songs blasting through the cave when he's the only one around, because I can't really see the others liking the music - a slim chance of David listening to them, but not Marko and Paul.

Judas Priest (1990's) is a band i'd feel like every one of the boys could bond over. Dwayne would discover it, nod his head to some of their songs, and then introduce Paul to the song ‘ Living After Midnight ’ - it not only has a great beat but pretty much describes them. Long story short, they'd be blasting the music on repeat for three nights in a row until David gets irritated by it at some point.

[bumblesimagines]

My Sarcastic Leech

My first request! I know the moodboard sucks ass but I hope the fic doesn't.

When the Cullens were told Renesmee was gonna have a supervisor from the Volturi, they expected someone like Jane. Someone who would stand in the corner and be creepy. Instead they got (Y/N). He didn't stand in the corner and creep. He actually interacted with everyone, including Jacob and Seth. It was a wonderful twist. Renesmee was pretty happy to have someone new in the house. (Y/N) stayed with the Cullens, reporting back to the Volturi at the end of each month. Jacob, of course, didn't like him at first but the two eventually became buddies.

(Y/N) listened to Renesemee's story as they took a walk in the forest.

"That's an interesting story, Ness." (Y/N) commented, earning an amused smile from Jacob.

"Yeah. You seemed so intrigued." Jacob said making (Y/N) nudge him with his elbow. Ness rolled her eyes, mumbling something abouts boys under her breath.

"What was that, Ness? You said we're the best?" Jacob asked, grinning when she stuck her tongue out at him (Y/N) chuckled at their interaction, looking up when they heard a grunt. He spotted a dark silver wolf watching them.

"A friend of yours?" (Y/N) asked Jacob. The wolf's eyes darted to (Y/N) and the wolf froze up, wide eyed as he stared at the vampire. Ness glanced at Jacob.

"Oh shit.." Jacob whispered.

"Language." (Y/N) and Ness said, grinning at each other.

"What's up? Is he okay?" (Y/N) asked, nudging Jacob. The wolf growled loudly, glaring at Jacob.

"Paul, go phase and meet us at the Cullens house." Jacob instructed quickly. This earned him odd looks from his friend and imprint.

"Is something wrong?" (Y/N) asked.

"Go on ahead, we'll catch up." Jacob said. (Y/N) shrugged, speeding back to the house. Everyone was already outside.

"Okay, what's going on?" (Y/N) frowned.

"Alice had a vision."

"About?" (Y/N) looked at Edward, wanting an explanation.

"You know how Jacob imprinted on Ness, right?" Edward took a step forward. (Y/N) nodded.

"Well-"

"Paul, the wolf we came across, imprinted on you." Jacob explained, coming up behind him.

"I'm so sorry." Rosalie crossed her arms, getting nudged by her husband.

"Paul isn't... So bad." Jacob assured.

"Yeah. You sound pretty confident, Jake." (Y/N) rolled his eyes.

"What's the big deal?" He asked.

"Paul literally can't live without you. You can reject him but... It'll end with him having a big breakdown and possibly hurting himself for not being good enough." Jacob watched him, waiting for a reaction.

"Oh."

"Oh?!" Jacob exclaimed. Edward couldn't help but crack up making everyone look at him, wondering what (Y/N) was thinking to make him laugh.

"So, who the hell is this?" They shifted their attention onto Paul.

"I'll go start up lunch." Esme said, entering the house.

"I'll help." Carlisle added. He was joined by Rosalie and Emmett.

"(Y/N). He's from the Volturi."

"Oh, you've got to be shitting me." Paul sighed deeply. (Y/N) cracked an amused smile. Paul's eyes darted towards him and (Y/N) could see him visibly relax.

"That's cute." Edward commented. (Y/N) looked at Edward, tilting his head and furrowing his brows.

"That's sappy."

"Shut up." Paul growled, glaring at him.

"Will they hurt you?" Ness suddenly asked.

"That's dark." (Y/N) mumbled, looking at the 'tween.'

"When they find out, will they hurt you?" Ness asked again. Paul tensed.

"I'd like to see them try." He sneered.

"You'd be dead in a second, Paul." (Y/N) glanced at him before turning his full attention onto Ness.

"I don't think they will. Aro has a mate. I'm sure they don't want to face Paul's almighty wrath." (Y/N) replied, shrugging. Ness smiled, nodding.

"Let's leave them be." Bella spoke up, motioning for Jacob and Ness to head inside. Once they were alone, Paul approached (Y/N).

"When were you turned?" He asked, looking a bit unsure.

"Couple years back. We were probably to far from each other for you to do your imprinting thing." (Y/N) looked into his dark eyes.

"Your eyes aren't like those leeches. You drink human blood." Paul eyed (Y/N).

"Carlisle supplies me blood bags. He's not gonna force his lifestyle down my throat." (Y/N) glanced over at Edward who was watching them by a window. Edward gave a thumbs up. (Y/N) rolled his eyes and looked back at Paul.

"I..." Paul cleared his throat. "Are you gonna accept me?" He asked. His voice was filled with confidence but his eyes were nervous. (Y/N) pressed his lips into a thin line, red eyes darting elsewhere.

"Yeah." (Y/N) nodded. Paul's eyes lit up with excitement and pride.

"Just wanted to make sure." Paul shrugged, playing it cool. The big grin on his face told a more excited story.

"So, what things are you into?" Paul asked. (Y/N) smiled. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.

A few weeks had gone by. (Y/N) and Paul's bond had grown stronger. They still hadn't kissed or done anything intimate but they were growing comfortable with the imprint and imprintee thing. It was time for (Y/N) to report back to the Volturi. Paul had whined and protested though it fell on deaf ears.

With a shakey sigh, (Y/N) got out of the elevator. Jane's stotic face greeted him.

"Welcome back, (Y/N)." She smiled, spinning on her heel and walking away. (Y/N) followed her, entering the large room. Aro stood upon seeing him.

"(Y/N), a pleasant sight. What do you have in store for us?" Aro asked, stretching out his hand. (Y/N) approached them, greeting the three with a small bow before taking Aro's hand. Aro closed his eyes, face emotionless. With a creepy delighted giggle, he opened his wide eyes.

"It seems like our lovely (Y/N) has a mate!" He announced. "One of those shifters." (Y/N) avoided the others gazes. Aro raised his hand, most likely to tell Chelsea not to use her powers on (Y/N).

"I know you are loyal to us and as long as you are, we will allow this relationship." Aro smiled, patting (Y/N)'s hand.

"You're dismissed." (Y/N) bowed again, avoiding Alec and Jane's intense gazes. On his way back to Forks, his mind wandered. Would they stay true to their word? The Volturi surely had to. The laws, the punishments, and even the humans they killed were justified.

He entered the house, letting out a soft 'oof' as a body collided with his.

"You're back! How'd it go?" Ness asked, pulling away from the hug and smiling.

"Same as always." (Y/N) replied, catching Paul's scent as he wrapped his arms around him from behind.

"What'd they say about us?" He asked, tilting his head. Curiosity and anxiety pooled in his dark eyes.

"Aro was okay with it. He said as long as I'm loyal to the Volturi, we'll be okay." (Y/N) told him, turning his head to get a better look at him. Paul to advantage of their position and leaned forward, locking lips with him. Ness squealed which made (Y/N) chuckle. Paul smiled and pulled away, his grip on (Y/N) waist tightening as Alice, Esme, and Ness cooed about the two having their first kiss.

"You guys are so embarrassing." (Y/N) rolled his eyes. Edward chuckled.

"Welcome to our life." Emmett grinned. Paul hummed in content, relaxing against his imprint.

[skin--slave]

Got tagged by the wonderful @strangememegoth , so we're gonna make a movie!! 😁

The last song you listened to is the title of the movie: Slutgarden (oh hell yeah now we have to do this)

Last celebrity pic you saved is your love interest: (collective gasps of shock)

The last meme you saved is how the relationship will turn out: (uhhhh...)

The 2nd last celebrity picture is your best friend: (ok, assuming this isn't a twin movie, that would be Johnny. Nice way to meet.)

The 3rd last celebrity picture is also your friend: (Am I connected to Hollywood Vampires?)

The 4th last celebrity picture is the antagonist: (Deleted this on accident and had to get it back. Also... Trent? How is he the bad guy? Maybe he's in love with one of us and doesn't want us to be together?)

Soundtrack: put your playlist on shuffle three times and list the songs in this order. If the song which is the title of the movie appears, highlight it.

Opening title: Sober by Tool (It must open on one of us burning an ex's belongings but also still wanting them back, prob me bc I'm a moody bitch, and it sets the stage for a "fuck no I'm not catching feelings" thing. Bonus if Mar is going through something similar.)

Romantic scene: Where is my Mind by The Pixies (Yeah, ok, I buy that.)

Badass walk scene: Dried Up, Tied and Dead to the World by Marilyn Manson (Don't you want some of this? Don't you need some of this?)

Sad/ emotional scene: The World That I Know by Collective Soul (Trent sitting on the rooftop, big boots hanging over the edge, digging his fingernails into his palms, and just as a single tear rolls down his cheek, it starts raining, and he just sits there with his bottom lip shaking, I'm not crying, you're crying)

Montage scene: Fine Again by Seether (montage of me, Mar, Alice, Johnny and Trent working on the big project. Mar and I are business-like and angry, trying not to get soft, but we start to and Trent is just dying inside.)

Action sequence: Hey Man Nice Shot by Filter (Wait, wtf is happening? Is someone shooting? Are we robbing someone? Breaking into a government installation? Is that the project? We're criminals!! Woohoo!!!)

Falling in love scene: Come as You Are by Nirvana (ok I can't actually visualize this. Thoughts?)

Protagonist Theme: Duality by Slipknot (hmmmm I guess I'm a wounded badass who seeks out self-destruction as a way to cope and protect myself? Aight. Just act natural.)

Romantic lead theme: Happiness in Slavery by NIN (Not even one of his own songs? Really? Wait, is he disgraced military or something? Hates authority while craving order? Can field strip his pistol and reassemble with his eyes closed? That's kinda hot.)

Antagonist theme: Bring Me to Life by Evanescence (Why not a NIN song? Idk, but it does have that lovesick vibe, so I guess I can't fault it. Makes me wonder if he's surrounded by death too. Like everyone he's ever loved is dead. Heavy.)

Best friend theme: Living Dead Girl by Rob Zombie (Ok, so Johnny has a thing for old horror movies and women. Should we intro him in a strip club getting a lap dance from a goth babe? Also, he feels like a melee combat type. Knives.)

Best friend 2 theme: Pink Cadillac by Natalie Cole (Ok I really did not expect that. Likes nice things, maybe the one who hotwires everything? Pickpocket? Locksmith? Good fingers. I'mma stop now.)

Party scene: The Bright Young Things by Marilyn Manson (Booze and bullets, just in case the suicide mission really is suicide, Mar double-checking his weapons while Alice cuts lines of coke and Johnny makes out with some contact of his, just trying to live a little before we die.)

Death scene: Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls (😩😩😩 Trent coming clean while bleeding out. "It's not that bad. You're gonna be ok." "Shut up. You need to know... It was me. I just... wanted to be with you." "We're gonna get you to a doctor." *shakes head and smiles, bloody teeth* "I'm right where I wanna be.")

Big Kiss scene: Tattooed in Reverse by Marilyn Manson (Hard and passionate. Nuff said.)

Big action sequence: Possum Kingdom by Toadies (That could be fun contrast. Elevator opens on "I'll not be a gentleman," Mar steps out and the bloodshed starts. Facility staff cowering behind a terminal on "Do you wanna die?" 😂)

Group scene: Loser by Beck (What even is a "group scene," like what are we doing? Being losers, apparently. I can live with that.)

credits: Slo-Mo-Tion by Marilyn Manson (Incredibly charming!!)

What I can make of this?

Ok, so apparently me, Marilyn, Johnny, Trent and Alice are a crew of mercenaries planning to get someone or something out of a well-fortified facility. Mar and I are hardened leader-types and butt heads but have to learn to make it work. Doesn't help that Trent (who's in love with one or both of us and is a tortured soul who just wants out) sabotages something to turn us against one another. Meanwhile, Johnny and Alice are in it for the women and money, respectively, and are probably hilarious. Phase one goes terribly wrong and we lose Trent. Phase two lets us work off our grief and rage and by the end we're ready to try. If he can keep his mouth shut, that is. You know what...

This was super fun and if you wanna try, I hereby tag you. 😁

[courtorderedcake]

Hallow : ch XIII - CSSNS 2019

“The Goblin King was prepared to host the Darkness, stealing Fae women away to their corrupted lands underneath the ground as concubines. The Darkness chose another in his stead, but not before this selected vessel enacted a devastating attack in its vengeance, revealing its hatred & rage. The battle was a lesson the old kings had forgotten; never underestimate an opponent.

Many more lives were lost as they razed over any who dared defy The Goblin King’s will. Only the pure love of our rulers united in matrimony, breaking the Vorpal Dagger, sealed the darkness and the Goblin menace away. The light flourished under their fair rule, and the queen bore a child as pure as moon beams, swan feathers, and starlight. They lived happily ever after, and shall be written in history as Heroes for All Time.”

This is the history Princess Emma memorizes from the day she is born, paraded about and presented only with the highest protection. The palace is a cage she wishes to escape, desperately. Not careful what wishes she made, Emma discovers history is written by the victors - The Dark One has an entirely different version of the events that took place.

Read on AO3 here.

Rated E for explicit themes, Mature situations, and Fae fuckery.

Written for @cssns

Ch 8 / ?? - In which a true apology is given

*** ARCHIVE WARNINGS VERY MUCH APPLY FOR THIS CHAPTER. PLEASE READ WITH DISCRETION.

The Darkness was roiling mad, a furious mass of thorns that exploded in his rib cage and up through his spine. It ripped threw his head, his shoulders tightening as it dug in like a macabre torture device of old. He kept trying to explain, trying to make it understand his reasoning, but it only howled like a wolf outside the sheep pen - 

YOU HAVE NO REASONING FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE, YOU STUPID MAN! 

She had to be well in order to fight long enough to survive for Nil; to not just hang herself while the Dagger melted silver down her clavicle. 

DO YOU NOT REMEMBER OUR JOINING, OUR PACT? HOW TO ACT WITH FINESSE, TO BREAK SOMEONE WITHOUT EXERTING PRESSURE, OR HOW TO PUSH THEM OVER THE EDGE? 

Calling for Alice and asking her to go to Emma's aid was a good thing strategically, and her actually appearing like some sort of fogged looking glass apparition he summoned was a blessing

YOU COULD HAVE FOLLOWED MY SIMPLE PLAN FOR YOU TO PUSH HER WHILE SHE WAS BREAKING! 

The voice changed in timbre and tone as it sometimes did, easily digging its points home. Killian could practically see his father, drunk and dismissive, shouting at Liam and beating them both bloody under one of the massive pines. The memory of watching Liam with a broken jaw as he went into his first year in the junior naval recruits was the one it dug its claws into, the Darkness fueling old anger and shame. 

YOU SAW HER HIDE FROM YOU, YOU COULD HAVE EASILY WORKED YOUR WAY UNDER HER SKIN AND GOTTEN HER FOLLOWING YOU TO NIL. YOU COULD HAVE EVEN PRESSED FOR THE SHARD, IF SHE WAS TRULY AT HER WIT'S END - INSTEAD YOU TRIP OVER YOUR TONGUE LIKE A BOY! AN IMBECILE! 

It pressed him, but he was not weak. He could crush his father ten times over now if the bastard wasn't dead, and no one could get under his skin again. Certainly not some crying woman, especially the daughter of an enemy, and such a valuable card to hold in play if he wanted to be free. Maybe he had told Alice too much about his worries over Emma, while Robyn watched with bewildered dismay. Maybe he blurted how she was acting, and they thought that he was showing weakness or worry. Imagined of course, there was nothing - 

SHE BEWITCHES YOU INTO SYMPATHETIC STUPOR, SHE FILLS YOU WITH IDEAS OF REDEMPTION YOU DO NOT DESERVE, YOU ARE SO CLOSE TO YOUR REVENGE, OUR REVENGE, AND YOU FAIL ME. I MUST PUNISH YOU, I MUST HURT YOU. 

He braced himself; the pain of broken bones as he folded into himself was enough to make him wish for true death. 

I WISH YOU WERE DEAD, FREEING MYSELF FROM YOUR INEPTITUDE WOULD BE A BLESSING WELL MET WITH YOUR DEATH. 

They both knew it was fruitless, the idea impossible while the dagger was still broken. He would survive the pain, and the Darkness would greet him in its vengeance without fail. With eyes closed tightly, he braced himself for what was to come. 

Instead of pain, though, it cackled, and Killian felt more fear than before. 

Oh yes, feel that fear, Dearie. No more physical pain for today. You mentioned strategy - I have a strategic plan for you, regarding a fitting punishment; the sort worthy of this sort of betrayal. You've been misbehaving without consequences too long now, your leash forgotten. Do you remember when you failed to stop Snow Margueryte and her Charming? Do you remember how I tormented you for your failure? 

Killian shook his head in horror. Not that. 

Oh yes, that. It's time for your nightmare. I'll provide you mercy and heal you first… Be patient, for when I'm done we'll begin my favorite game with you. We haven't played in such a long time… 

His bones began to knit back together, cracking into place noisily and sloppily. Emma's voice suddenly echoed into his chamber, breaking through the Darkness' cackling. 

"Dark One!" She was blazing with rage and light magic, Killian barely able to stand upright at her advance. The Darkness felt licks of her fury strike, its yowls of pain as it hid itself away a bitter requiem of relief. 

Killian gritted his teeth as he adjusted his frame to lean against the wall, his body still healing slowly even as the Darkness exited. "Princess?" he rasped. 

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" she shrieked; he thought she might move to strike him, to hear the venom with which she spat the question out. "You went through Ariel? Through Alice and Robyn? Through Eric and Marta? Did you think that I would not find out immediately or that they would not tell me of your attempt at deceit? What information did you hope you could squeeze from them while I was dealing with the consequences of my failures? You already know all of them, what could you possibly use against me now?"

He winced, and not all from pain. A vague guilt that had a name - remorse perhaps? 

“That wasn't the reason, I didn't - I wanted to -"

"I don't want anything to do with you. How many times do I have to -" Emma's magic hit him again, his corroded mind practically melting as her magic burnt the Darkness where it attempted to remain stuck to his bones. His knees wobbled. 

"Emma, I just need you to know -" 

Emma interrupted as he tried to take a breath, sweat beading on his forehead. "No. No, you don't need me to, you want me to. Big difference, buddy, and I have a choice in whether or not I listen. I don't want to listen."

His voice sounded small to his own ears. "I just want to know that you're okay."

Emma laughed, her eyes wild and teeth bared. "You know that I'm okay, that I am just dealing with a war, deaths, betrayals, figuring out who to trust and who isn't a monster. You've known I was alright since I left you, since I didn't come back - it's you who isn't alright. You’re scared. I don't blame you for it either; I can't imagine how it must feel to be unable to make your own choices, but I am not and cannot be your crutch. Find someone else."

Nodding, he scrubbed his face, and then carded his hand through his hair. "I thought - Never mind. Please just - You'll have to take care of yourself to survive. Keep yourself safe, and the shard; talk to Ursula and Ariel, alright? I was - I thought they might be concerned for you, and I am sorry for bothering them. And you. That's all. Nothing else."

Marta poked her head in, clearing her throat. "Uh, Killian. Ursula has a ship ready for you, and she's requested that you leave immediately. I've offered to go with you part of the way to make sure you don't do anything else untoward."

Emma snorted, spitefully. "Thanks Marta. Sorry you got the short straw."

Marta sighed. "Princess, do you need me to -" 

"I'm fine," Emma snapped. "Just about done here." Marta gave a nod, taking her leave. 

"I'm going to leave then," Killian said.

"Good. If we never meet again it will be too soon."

"If it means anything, I'm glad you are safe. I'm glad the shard is safe. I am glad you are with people who can help you, and who are… good at protecting you. I don't - you don't have to worry if they are trustworthy, and they won't fail you. Goodbye, Princess."

"Farewell, Dark One." 

He walked in a daze to the place where his ship waited, uncaring and unaware of the Selkies booing him, the food and trash thrown at him, of Ursula, Eric, Ariel, Alice, and Robyn watching his trek out of the caves with Emma. He stared, Eric and Ariel openly glaring, Robyn giving him the same squinted look of confusion that she had previously, and Alice too busy talking to Emma. 

To distract her from him. A dull heaviness pushed down on his shoulders, weight settling in his stomach. 

Marta was already waiting for him on the ship, a look of pity for him on her face. "Ready?" she inquired softly. He nodded, and they drew anchor. The ship moved through the calm water, everything quiet as they departed, including the voices that made up the Darkness. 

The portal out was a one way exit, the ship's wheel in his hands a steadying comfort. They caught the breeze, leaving the tranquility of the underwater oasis and sailing off the proverbial edge of Ursula's world to land in stormy waters. 

He had to blink a few times as a bright green bolt of blinding lightning cracked in the heavens. The storm was massive, and he followed its course along the horizon, seeing an armada skirting a hurricane before it hit something unseen, the clouds breaking apart. Killian ran to the stern, Marta joining him with a hand over her mouth. 

Ursula's caves flickered into view, appearing like a great bubble from the sea floor by some otherworldly force. As the caves crested the surface, the protective forces that had been shielding the caves broke with a resounding force, the huge crash as they struck the surface to sink again sending a shockwave through the water. Their ship pitched back and forth as they held steady to her moorings; the water had become a roiling mess of waves from the magic radiating off of the fleet in the distance. Green lightning struck the water all around it, and even from their distance Killian could see floating carcasses and the mass of birds seeking carrion, the water a sickly olive color. The storm began again, and Killian brought the spyglass in his pocket to his eye to examine the strangest fleet of mismatched ships Killian had ever seen, and tethered at its front was the cause of this destruction - King of the Merfolk, the previous King of the Sea: Ursula's brother, Triton. 

Shuddering in disbelief of the King's fate, even if deserved, Killian tried to map and count the plan of attack from their positions. Frigates, sloops, and even a few galleons were interspersed with metal rusting boats in styles Killian had never seen. The largest was something Elsa had called a barge, and it led the ships as the storm beat around them, the towering man with a large, dirty, grey beard at the lead. Focusing with a twist, he surveyed Triton further. The partial God was bruised and emaciated, held by a golden collar around his neck that linked to the barge with its towering blocks of rectangular metal boxes. Following the chain from the man’s collar to a raised dais that lay on a deck, Neal lounged nearby in a windowed observation level, looking bemused. Triton was under the control of the prince, his powers controlled by Nil's desire to possess Emma. 

But they would never, never get through to Ursula - 

Triton waved a large trident around, and the storm sparked with green and purple electricity. Ursula's secret realm lurched into view again as he spun the weapon with skill, before it sunk below in another huge crash. Their ship creaked ominously as the waves sent them flying. Triton bellowed loudly, making Marta whimper next to Killian. 

"We have to go back," Marta whispered, watching Killian close the spyglass. 

"Go back? For what, the pleasure of being ripped apart by Goblins and a demi-god? She doesn't want me there, what good -" 

Marta slapped him hard, changing from a highborn prim matron to the visage of a livid sorceress. 

"Stop thinking about yourself for one damned minute, you narcissistic clam! Even if that is the Darkness in you, recognize that this is bigger than you or your princess - my friend and my people are about to be slaughtered. I know what you did. I know how you exploded over that fleet like some sort of comet, and how you screamed the entire time begging for forgiveness. I was there in the water, before and after. I watched you kill those men, I saw them die; it took days to get the blood out of my pelt. Are you really going to let that happen again? Even if they aren't your people?"

Remembering the Darkness and its threat of reliving his worst nightmares, Killian paused. A spark lit his chest into a blaze. 

"If you wanted to die so badly, you could not have chosen a more reckless bastard willing to assist." He turned the ship, heading straight towards Triton and the Goblin fleet. 

What are you doing?! 

Killian felt the Darkness wake again, still weakened. Reading his thoughts, it quieted at the promise of a battle, the idea of any sort of confrontation too delicious to push back against. It acquiesced to his intended course, lending strength that made Killian grin ferally. 

They had just passed where the portal had spit them out when he heard the noise of another ship close by, only slightly behind. It caught up with them in an instant, and he had to blink; the silhouette was so familiar, the way it glided through the water as if it flew, almost like the Jewel but not quite - 

The thought was obliterated as Emma came into view on the deck, her hair whipping around her scowling face. 

  *✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

  "Get her out of here. This place is about to be a war zone if they manage to pit Ursula against Triton," Marta yelled at Emma's vessel, pointing to where Triton moved the water in huge eddies, the sea opening up and closing. 

Ariel yelled back, obviously frustrated and pointing at Emma. "We told her that, she -" 

"This is what Emma wants to do! We need to help Ursula, and we need to help your father, so why are you so oblivious you twit?" Alice marched toward Ariel, pointing, no longer soft spoken. 

"Of course I want to save my father, but how the hell is she going to help when she isn't even in her right mind!" Ariel spat, before regret played across her features. "Emma, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that in the way -" 

Alice and Robin cut off Ariel, though their words were lost to a forceful gust of wind. Alice looked livid, gesturing at Ariel to the point that Eric had stepped in and tried to separate them. Emma looked frozen in place, opening her mouth to say something, but thought better of it and retreated. Killian caught her eye, but she just looked through him, and instead jumped when thunder boomed over their heads.

Wind ripped at their own sails, Marta running to the front of the ship as Killian raced toward the back, glancing over to see Emma's sleeker vessel roll in the waves. The storm itself seemed concentrated around them suddenly, growing in ferocity. Massive waves, fueled by Triton’s powers, drew up shipwrecks that crashed into their vessels, jostling the princess and sending Eric to the wheel to frantically steer. Ariel was red with rage, screaming at Alice and Eric, while Emma tried to get their attention. 

Killian yelled at them to stop, but they only pointed their shouts at him, rain now pouring down on them like the sky had opened. 

Emma let out a scream of frustration, and Killian could see it before it happened, moving with a rope in his hand as he threw back the last of the vial in his pocket, jumping into the water only moments after Emma lost her balance and flew over the side. 

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  "Stop fighting, it's making the storm - " Emma shouted, but it was drowned out over the roar of waves, the downpour, and the brawl. A wave tore at her, and she was thrown roughly to the deck, her hand catching a rope for support. The wind whipped the rigging skyward, her cuff falling away as she flew off the planks and into the ocean. 

The water hit her full on, taking her breath away. She scrambled for the cuff, realizing too late it was lost in the sea. The dark water was freezing, crushing her in the indeterminate up and down. In a panicked moment she tried to summon the cuff, and when her magic simply sputtered, she tried to conjure air. No bubbles formed around her, her magic strained or weakened by Nil's influence on the sea. Fighting against the current left the air in her lungs burning, but she could not give in. A life of no more sky was how all of her nightmares seemed to end: here in the silence of drowning, in a life with Nil, or surrounded by darkness that was too alive. What would her mother say? Her father? With their fiercest faces on, speaking of honor and hard won peace - 

"We never give up in this family, Emma. We always find another. Good always wins."

Now she wanted desperately to ask at what cost? At what cost did good win, when this was good? Good should not be having to struggle, banished from a realm for no more reason than hatred, locked away forever or until you could be of use, punishments that were cruel and unusual - that wasn't good winning. 

That cost didn't need to be paid when there were so many other paths available. If only they had sought wisdom, if they had reached out and tried to see what might be good for all… Emma wished that she could have helped them do better, that maybe if she wasn't drowning, if they weren't imprisoned, if the weight of what they built hadn't come crashing down, they all could have changed things. 

Her eyes blurred and bright spots burst in her vision. Blackness closed in, her magic dampened, embracing the beginning of the end, until a hand grabbed her own. It pulled hard, tearing through the water. A blue light came from somewhere in the dark, but when she reached for it Emma felt her legs touch a tail, hand tingling from shock. There was no way it was him; Ariel was right that she had lost her mind, this was just some strange vision before she would wake in her bed. Arms wrapped tightly around her, pulling her upwards, trying to beat the water that leaked into her mouth and nose, and there were his eyes, like he actually - 

Landing on hard wood with a thud, she could dimly hear voices of concern, but mostly she could see a soaking wet Killian looking down at her in fear. Emma coughed, choking on water as he watched her, breathing in harshly himself and falling back to his elbows. Too weak to move away from him and much weaker still to try to ask why, she stared at him in angry confusion. 

"You really need to stop drowning around me," he said in explanation, wiping wet hair away from his face, as if it meant nothing. "It's a terrible way to go, and I have made it abundantly clear that I will not let you."

Emma couldn't help the laughter that bubbled out of her at the absolute absurdity of everything, the hurt in her chest from the lack of oxygen, and how much hatred she wanted to feel even though she could not summon it. 

"I'll try and keep that in mind. Thank you," Emma whispered with as much annoyance as she could muster. Killian cracked a cheeky grin, and Emma felt the urge to punch him rise. 

"Emma, I'm so sorry. We realized that you were gone after he was jumping off the other side after you - " Alice rapidly began, before crushing Emma in a hug. The rest of her friends gathered, the storm calming around them on both ships. 

There was a loud splintering crack as more of Ursula's realm was pulled from hiding. Goblins threw ropes at the caves, climbing like spiders into the network of tunnels as Selkies launched their own bare defenses until they were dragged out in nets. 

A massive tentacle broke from the water, smacking hard against Triton as Ursula pushed free into the onslaught. Ariel gasped, and Marta began frantically pacing the deck. 

"What do we do?" Marta asked. Everyone turned towards Killian, who looked at his feet. 

"Don't look at me," he snapped, pointing to Emma. "The princess here does a far better job at improvisation methods. Ask her, she's your leader."

Emma blinked, staring at Killian with a suspicious glare. She thought for a moment, pushing past everything that had happened, her fears evaporating as she moved into planning. 

"We help Ursula, and we help the Selkies. Eric will pilot to Ursula, while some of us take the other ship and destroy what we can of Nil’s armada." She spoke calmly, delegating tasks quickly and methodically cycling through what they would need. "Ursula needs more time to try and get her denizens all out, so we need to make any sort of distraction we can. We can draw them away or at least split their forces if he knows I'm here."

"That is a terrible - " Ariel began, but Emma stopped her with a harsh tone. 

"If you have nothing better to offer, Ariel, I don't want to hear it."

Ariel managed to look shocked, before swallowing with a nod. "Let's free my father."

They split as a group, Emma giving Marta a solemn nod when they turned away to head towards Nil, Eric steering their ship straight into the formation. Killian forced his way between two ships in the rear, blending in easily, using their mix of styles to his advantage. It wasn't until the the first ship lay silent and burning that any attack looked like it was taking place. At least he could do this; maybe they could do this and for once take a victory. 

Marta steered hard into a barely held together wooden sloop. Alice and Robyn wreaked chaos with strange smoke bombs detonated by arrows while Killian lit sails on fire, the Goblins seemingly not understanding why liberally leaving petrol around could be a problem. The armada's wooden ships burned hot in the water, making the storm even eerier, green lightning mixed with the bright reds of the flames creating barriers for any course direction. It was clear that the Goblins were not familiar with any Naval strategy, and Emma felt a small surge of hope. Eric had a steady hand as he watched Ariel create portals, shutting them around longer vessels when they were halfway through with screeching crunches. 

The Goblin fleet took notice, but Nil made no move for Emma as their ship took fire. Eric and Ariel disappeared onto a steel boat with a claw like contraption while Emma tried to magic herself onto another ship’s deck without success. Her hands trembled, sparks finally lighting and sending her sprawling on a shiny silver floor surrounded by huge containers stacked on each other. A Goblin stared at her in confusion before she lunged, plunging her sword into its chest out of instinct. The Goblin fell with a thud, and Emma began to run. These ships were long and easy to cross. Her mind was made up to get to Nil before he could get to the Selkies. 

Killian appeared in the middle of the last surviving holdout of metal barges, pursued as he jumped across a row of metal containers above Emma while she herded a group into the space below. The Goblins above carelessly knocked containers down in a tumble, burying her pursuers. Emma met his eyes briefly, giving him a nod.

They continued through the maze of metal on opposite sides of each other, flowing into an easy strategy together that made her angrier still at Nil - angry that she could possibly consider working again with the Dark One. It was too simple to fall back into their unfriendly truce. The thought had barely crossed her mind when the wood under her feet splintered and bowed, her feet slipping as the barge tipped forward, barreling towards the sea floor. The impact of the hull against the rocky ground sent her flying, the noise alone reverberating through her teeth like she was shattering as the rocks came towards her at frightening speed. 

The same black blur as before pushed her into swirling water. The force of the whirlpool crushed them both, but her hand crushed his even harder while he pulled upward. Water resettled again as they gasped for air together at the surface, Killian’s hair sticking flat against his face. The water was full of debris and flame, smoke making it impossible to see much of anything. Ships ground together all around them as he helped her cling to a chunk of wood. It was in both of their best interests for her to be alive and uninjured, but here he was playing some sort of savior that went far beyond the bounds of their truce. He was behind her, at her side, or in sync with her step, both of them working together with an ease as if they were partners, and yet that’s not what they were. It made her angry, furious even, even in the midst of battle. 

"Killian, what - " But before she could finish, she was forced to push him frantically out of the way as a huge chunk of a rock formation fell, the resulting force smacking them together. "Look out, go!" 

More rocks fell around them and cut through the smoke, Ursula's lair appearing again to all as its protective shields flickered to a shuddering halt, the walls looming over them as it hurtled downwards again towards the sea floor. One of the main chambers swallowed them as the lair descended, pushing water aside as it split around them, crystals raining down in sparkling pieces. Caught in the push back of the water, they were pulled with the mass of rock as it fell away and began settling into the bottom of the sea. The force of the ensuing wave, however, pushed them back up and over the surface, Emma's back smacking against what was once the cave floor. The two pieces were still crumbling, but now sat horizontally in the water to create an invisible shoreline made of stone. Emma had little time to acknowledge where she landed, the wind escaping her lungs when she tried to shriek and shield her body from another round of the boulders. Killian pulled her into a roll, ending up above her breathing heavily. 

"G'off - " Emma let out a panted breath from under him, weakly protesting at his weight. "Catch your breath, and g'off!"

Killian rolled off of her onto his back, letting out puffs of air as he did. 

"Sorry," he rasped, and finally pushed his hair out of his face with a wet slap. Emma let out a laugh, regretting it instantly as she coughed. 

"S'alright." Propping herself upright on her elbows, she quickly glanced around the cave fragment where they had washed up, now its own small island in the turmoiled sea. Standing and peering around the cracked rock, her breath caught again. 

Ursula's realm was broken into pieces around the remaining ships, cracked and jagged mountains of what was once the cave jutting out of the water. The piece they were sequestered on was at the outer edge, so obscured by smoke that they could not see Ursula at all until Triton's first blow landed and swept the billowing clouds away. 

The brother and sister stood in the water in front of Nil's barge, both of them colossal and struggling against each other’s strength as Ursula's tentacles wrapped around the trident. Nets were thrown towards what was left of the caves, dragging selkies into a cargo hold, the water carrying sounds of distress to her ears. Emma slipped through the crack, running towards the water, but there he was in her peripheral, because of course he was. Of course he would stalk her even in the middle of a battle - 

"Don't you dare tell me not to do this, not to do something - " Emma hissed, putting more distance between them. He stood slightly in front of her, but made no move to stop her. 

"I wasn't going to," Killian replied with a sideways glance, following slightly behind when she pushed past. "Do you have a plan?" he asked when they got closer, nets hauling in screaming women and seals. 

"Get the Selkies out and turn Nil's focus fully on me so that Ursula can free Triton. Nil doesn't care about his people or how many die; he will only notice if a new plaything is put in front of him. I don't know how much time Ursula needs, but that's my last resort plan."

"I have a plan, and it should buy you time if you - " 

"Trust you again?" She whirled on her heel back towards him. "That's below even my last resort plan. I will never - " 

"I've betrayed you, and I understand that you owe me nothing, Em - Princess, but I swear to you now that I give you my fealty. I swear on Milah, Liam, and Elsa that I will be your ally, and help you in this war. Take a leap of faith here, please, I promise you that - " She turned away. Killian tried to follow, but she held up a hand. 

"Shut the hell up, Killian. Just stop. Please." Her voice wavered slightly, and he halted behind her. Seeing him look actually admonished, actually concerned as he pushed wet hair away from his face, Emma lowered herself into the water. 

"Fair enough." He whispered.

"By the way," her shoulders tightened, though she didn’t bother to glance at him, "if you're really sorry, truly apologetic even in some part of you that can still muster that emotion, a true apology would be changed behavior. Which is why if I am faced with you and Nil as my options, I will take this dagger shard to the bottom of the sea. I’d rather die than pick either of you."

"I am - " 

"I don't care, Killian. Thank you for your help here, and thank you for saving my life. It does not change anything."

Emma propelled herself forward into one of the nets, leaving him behind again. It dragged her and several frightened Selkies up over a deck, depositing them into some sort of holding cage. Emma moved quickly, cutting through the ropes with a knife that Ursula had given her. Handing it off to a nymph, Emma lifted herself from the floor with discarded netting, looking around to see what all was taking place.

Emma spotted Ariel in a corner, waving for her attention and pointing to a wall with a circling finger. She could make a portal; good - a quiet and easy way to get the Selkies to safety. Emma motioned to the groups of Selkies netted on deck, prioritizing those who were held down by Goblins or in view of the archers taking aim near the King's raised area. The first two attempts were straightforward, no Goblins milling around to stop them. The third was more harrowing, almost cut short by a Goblin's shrieking. Killian snapped its neck from behind as Emma braced herself for discovery, her eyes widening further when he ducked down and helped her cut through a heavy cord that bound the Selkies. They split apart again, the last groups too close to the front and at risk of being directly under a rain of archers. There was a shadowy section of boxes that she could dip behind for cover, but without the archers’ eyes distracted, it would be impossible to get to. Killian signaled from a corner, ducking behind a tarp when a patrol went by. 

Emma stayed still in the hold, pleading with her eyes, trying to tell him that she needed only a little time. He gave her a slight downcast smile, almost a grimace but not quite, and sprung from hiding. Slashing and hacking at a set of Goblins to provide a distraction as she ran to cut the last nets, he made his way toward the front of the huge metal ship until Nil bellowed. Nil pointed one of his gnarled fingers at Killian, eyes widening in recognition as his face turned from anger, to a smile. He laughed, opening his hands and spreading his arms as if presented with an old friend. 

Watching with a sick feeling churning in her gut, she saw Killian bow lowly. To her great horror, his wide, crooked, grin was once again back. 

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  The bow he gave was met by several Goblins overtaking him, beating him as they placed shackles on his arms and legs. They weighed heavily, burning against his skin. Iron. Of course it was iron; it was earth, after all. Goblins were right behind Dwarves with their affinity for earth magic, able to bend iron with ease. 

Nil walked towards him wearing a fur cape draped over his shoulders that sparkled in the dim light. Killian could see that it was a poorly crafted blend of Merscale, Selkie pelts, and varying Ansapi skins. Even despite Nil’s garish and disgusting costuming, Killian saw the faintest glimpse of Milah in the man's unsure eyes. Then, the Goblin smiled broadly, and any trace of her was wiped away. 

"You made it!" Nil bellowed, seemingly overjoyed as his guard looked on in confusion, ignoring the lifeless bodies that lay around the ship and its strange cargo pillars, marking Killian’s path. 

Killian struggled slightly, testing his bonds as they seared the flesh. "Certainly did," he hissed. 

"Where is my Queen? My radiant bride-to-be and future submitting wife?" Nil practically sang. Killian could see his mouth was wet, the too long tongue in his mouth slick with salivation. 

Killian suppressed the disgust that threatened to spill over at the prince’s language. 

The Darkness caressed his bones, tickling gently under his skin. 

Tell him. Do it. End this. 

Killian set his jaw, thinking of Emma's hand on the barrier she had created in the woods, the way her brows had pinched and lips had turned down. She had trusted him briefly, even going so far to say that he had good inside of him when she first forgave him, and to say she wished him peace when she left. 

There had been a moment when she hesitated before going into the portal, thought about looking back at him, and he had hated her for almost forgiving him again. He had hated her for so much more than her slender shoulders had ever had to bear, blamed her for so much; he’d even told her in no uncertain terms that she should suffer as Milah had. And still, she was here, looking at him with those eyes that he couldn't escape. 

No no no, you listen to me, only to me. I am your master, you are my hound to beat when it fails to bring me my kills! No, NOW LISTEN, LISTEN. END THIS. 

He couldn't stop thinking of the anger and relief when she spoke his name again upon seeing him before Ursula, the way she had dismissed him instead of making him grovel like she should have, demanding her pound of flesh for what he had put her through. The way she was glancing at him now with apprehension and fear. 

She is a weakling, full of uncontrolled emotions and too much trust that has led to her ruin. Go on, stop stalling! Hurry, hurry now, we can get the shard and - 

And giving her to Nil would end with nothing more than misery for not only her, but anyone who stood in the Goblins’ way - Royals and Fae like Marta, or the numerous scattered Fae that refused a crown once before - 

“Well?” Nil asked, laughing raucously.

Well? Give him the princess, you blithering simpleton - 

Killian cleared his throat, preparing himself. "She's dead."

What!? 

"I must have misheard you, Dark One," Nil chuckled dangerously. "Say again?" 

Yes, say AGAIN? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? END THIS. 

The Darkness tried to force its words onto his tongue, but he would not let her forgiveness by dismissal be in vain. 

ENDTHISENDTHISENDTHISENDTHISENDTHISENDTHISENDTHISENDTHISENDTHISENDTHISENDTHISENDTHISENDTHISENDTHISENDTHIS END THIS, GIVE HER UP 

"She's dead; she ran from me weeks ago. I found her body in a ravine, the shard dissolved to ash. I will never be freed." He spoke as bitterly as he could, channeling the hatred easily. 

"What?" the Goblin Prince screamed, enraged. "She is strong willed and has a bite to match that delectable bark, so she cannot be dead. She is like my own stolen mother, and destined for her blood to strengthen the throne. No, she cannot be dead."

You won't buy her time with this, you fool! This is inevitable, she is his and will be his like your whore was his father's. You must get the shard - 

"I assure you, she is. Even in death, she made it difficult. The ravine was deep and absolutely bloody terrible to climb into. I can't imagine falling down it was anything even she could have survived."

You will suffer for this. 

"Good," Killian whispered, mostly to himself. Emma looked at him from the remains of the net, where the Selkies were now freed from their confines. She motioned for him to stop, but he shook his head, wet strands of the shaggy mess sticking to his forehead. The Goblin Prince paced, before taking deep breaths and turning again to face Killian. 

"Then why have you come here, slaughtered my fleet, and created chaos? I've heard about your glory under my father. Did you really come here empty handed to tell me you're untethered?" Nil attempted to sound amused, but the desperate edge was heavy in his tone. There was no control there, just an angry brat brashly striking out at everyone. 

Killian put on a pedantic smile, causing Nil to immediately start shifting in his place like a child. "Why wouldn't I? I only create chaos, and with no master that means I can strike against you too. Your damnable father may not be here, but I can still hurt you," he drawled, a bit of The Darkness in his voice for finesse. 

What are you doing, what ARE YOU DOING? 

"Then you're useless to me. It's lucky I don't believe you." Nil smiled with a menacing edge. "We'll just leave you here for safekeeping until I can verify this unfortunate and convenient tragedy. My betrothed is a beautiful specimen and so strong, it's hard to believe she isn't ferreted away somewhere. Her tenacity knows no bounds, yet again like my beloved Mother. I love that fighting spirit, she will make a strong future king, as it is written." Walking to a large flat piece of iron and picking it up from the floor, the sheet rolled like paper in his glowing hands until it crafted into a large curved spike.  

There was a sharp pain in his chest as the U bend of the makeshift iron anchor broke through the skin of his back, cracking ribs. Killian groaned, falling back, but Nil was there, standing on top of the iron contraption and pushing it deeper. Pushing the other side of heavy iron through his ribcage, Killian felt the air escape his lungs in a choking rasp, forcing him to double over, while Nil gave him a hard push into the sea. 

You've killed us both you fool. I hope you're happy. 

"We don't die. I'm content to lie at the bottom of the sea if that means another does not have the same fate as Milah. I meant what I said."

You will know true agony for this. Your insolence has been a problem, but this? This you will suffer for; this you will know true pain for. 

"Aye, I'm sure of it. For now, enjoy the water for the both of us."

The dark pressure seemed endless, and the pain was constant, but it cleared his thoughts. Killian of the Blackwater, left to sit in the blackest depths forevermore. The Darkness writhed and cajoled and raged, but nothing it did could disturb his peace, the idea of penance weighing heavier than the cold, deep nothingness. 

He wondered if this was what Liam felt. The thought didn't hurt him this time. 

The anchor dragged along the sand at the bottom, drawing another sound that escaped in bubbles. More pain burned through him as his lungs filled with water. Stars lit behind his eyes, bright pops of color flashing in time with the stabs of pain. Hours passed like this, his thoughts just as full with briny water as he tried not to think about how long this torture would continue. A firework lit in his mind as the anchor hit a rock, sending reverberating shocks through his body. He wished vainly for the darkness to take him instead of the bursts of brightness. 

But no, the light would not go away. It became a pinpoint, then a glow that was warmer and more comforting than anything he thought he would know, growing to spread through him. He cracked open his eyes to see what he thought was a fierce angel, or quite possibly a nymph or siren, who swam before him encased in bright sunshine shimmers of light with a halo around her head and wearing Emma’s face. 

There was no mockery, for which he thanked the heavens; she simply lifted him, felt the iron, and dropped him suddenly. Tentacles wrapped around the thickest bend of the molded metal, wood crashing around them as the strange suction cup dotted arms yanked. Then, the weight in his chest loosened and he was flying, finally free. It was too much; he flew too high and too fast, falling just as quickly, his eyes shut tightly. 

He fell on something hard, forcing him to cough up water as he raised himself on his side. Soft hands pushed hair out of his face, and something warm crashed into him against where the iron had been. He groaned as whatever it was that had settled against him. A person? When he let out a breath, the person - yes, it was definitely a person - began hitting him.

They stopped suddenly, and after no other smacks came for several moments he opened his eyes to see Emma staring back at him with worry, concern, and anger filling her own gaze. 

"You fucking idiot!" she screamed. "You -" 

"You know that I can't die, right? I'm a survivor.” 

"You still… Even if… If you had been hurt, hurt worse than this I mean, I… Why did you do that? I had a plan, and you - you bought us so much more time, I should have let you - I should have trusted - We couldn't have done this without you, I just…" Emma swiped at her eyes. "Why would you, you absolute…" 

Trying to sit up and practically toppling them both, he groused wryly at her noise of concern. "Maybe I just needed reminding that I could be on the hero's side, or maybe I knew you would never let me get off that easy and without yelling at me, you stubborn - " 

Emma hit him lightly again, her voice laced with strained amusement and lessening terror. "Don't move. Just stop, don't move, you arrogant ass."

"Princess, you deprive me of a dashing rescue, and then add insult to injury - "

"Emma. Please, I…" She straightened her shoulders and began to laugh, his grin at her not helping. Her voice cracked when she tried to start talking, and though she cleared her throat, she could not hide the tremble. "I think, Emma is just fine. Or I quite liked when you called me Swan." 

"Hey, hey now," he soothed, and when he laid a hand on her cheek she turned her face into his palm, holding her own hand against his. Emma couldn't hold back a shaky breath as a few tears escaped, and he pulled her tightly to him. "Hey. Don't cry. I'm the one who was gravely injured. It was about time you saved me from almost drowning, even though I technically cannot. We'll count it as one to three, with me in the lead. You can't steal that too, Swan." 

Her hiccupping laugh and weak wristed smack made him snort. The wound in his back closed, the Darkness ever keeping him alive, even as it still stopped short of his hand. Finally, Killian allowed himself to look around. They were on an old style ship, a light fleet frigate possibly, with no one else in sight. It felt vaguely familiar, but so did simply being at sea. Emma shuddered against him, cold and most likely exhausted as he pressed her for details. 

"What happened to Nil's armada?" 

"Your claim that I was dead caused the Goblin Prince to throw a full-on tantrum, leaving his own ship by portal. The mages he left in charge couldn't control Triton when whittled down in numbers. By the time Nil came back with his father, Triton was free, Ursula was laying waste to anything with Goblins on board, and the Selkies were free and trying to heal their wounded while regrouping. Ursula threw us on this ship after we looked for you, and the two of them destroyed Nil’s entire armada. Nil escaped through a portal at the last second, though. I watched through your telescope." Emma blushed lightly, pulling away from him. "Ursula said this ship will mean something to you, but I don't recognize it other than it being the one we used today. It's sort of a hodge-podge of Mer-craftsmanship; a frigate, speed sloop, galleon, and tall ship all crammed together. The base and bunks seem to be mostly the galleon? It's that ship Eric pulled out of the water before -"

"Liam's ship," he breathed. "My ship."

"I thought yours was The Jewel of the Realm? This one says something about being Jolly." She pointed over the edge, and he joined her to peer over. In sloppy carved graffiti, some sea dwelling mer-miscreant had replaced the clean script of the Fae Navy with 'The Jolly Roger'. 

Killian couldn't find it in himself to be angry, instead laughing as he crossed to the stern, feeling the same breeze that his brother and he had felt, the sea immediately calming him. Emma had only made this all the better, expending any magic she hadn't used drying their supplies and the ship's hold. Once waterlogged books filled with his brother's notes were crisp and clean, and a patina worn sextant looked almost like new on a pristine desk. Opening a trunk, he found naval uniforms pressed for a day's work, closing the lid after running his fingers over the brass buttons and fringed epaulets on the shoulders. 

Then there were the other ships, the pieces of other wrecks merged to what was his, that made up the crooked interior, filled with casks and casks of glorious rum. 

He created a small fire in the tiny galley, heating it with the butter they had left, still in Ingrid's strange plastic pastel container, before joining Emma on the deck with two cups as she arranged blankets. 

"How's your hand?" Emma asked, watching him settle. 

He gave a shrug, trying to mask the fire coursing through his bent fingers. "S'fine." 

He took a heavy swig, the rum doing nothing to help the pain in his hand. Emma rolled her eyes and crawled beside him, taking his cold palm in hers. "Which means 'it hurts' in High Killian. You're truly a terrible liar."

"The Goblin believed me when I told them you were dead." 

"Barely, and I mean, case and point." Emma smirked, her magic glowing softly. 

Killian barked out a laugh, and her magic spread, his hand stopping its searing throbs. He sighed in relief, and picked up a steaming mug. 

"Any idea where we're off to?" he asked. Emma sighed wearily. 

"I haven't had much more that a moment while you looked around yourself, but I believe we’re in this general vicinity." She spread out a large map that he had not noticed, unrolling it and pinning it down with a few stones she must have found in Liam's collection. Amethyst and a chunk of bismuth glittered at each corner. Emma pointed with the ends of a navigational compass to a location in the blue defined area she had made a circle around. "The stars aren't great right now, but I remember them well enough to find the cardinal points. There was a current map where I found this, and based on the stars and our speed, I think this is our trajectory if we're seeking the closest shore to land on." She tapped a small speck on the map with the compass, some unmarked island. 

Killian raised an eyebrow, remarkably impressed. "You know marine navigation?" 

Emma shrugged, with a teasing smile playing on her lips. "Even a proper noblewoman needs hobbies."

"I'm beginning to believe that you aren't the most proper of noblewomen, Swan."

"My reputation is ruined, you'll have to seek out other debutantes to fill your season."

He was caught off guard by her quip, and laughed in surprise, her giggling joining his. He brushed a finger over one of her lines on the map. "This is going to take some time, if you're right. Have you been at sea for any length of time?" 

Emma shook her head, and sighed. "No. The sea wasn't a place for a princess." Her tone was sour, and she looked at him with the glint of irritation he'd begun to notice was present when she spoke about the ridiculous notions of the royals. 

"Well, now it seems it is." He gave her a wink, and her cheeks flushed a deep red, the rum seemingly warming her further. "We'll be in close quarters, especially with what a mess of mismatched parts below deck is. Stay off my toes, and we'll be fine."

Looking at him with a cocked head and an amused expression, she gave a mock salute while imitating his accent. "Aye aye, Captain, sir."

He grimaced, and downed his rum. The Darkness had quieted again, probably due to her close proximity and how her magic seemed to target it lately. 

Emma took another large swig of rum, her skin heating with a visible flush. Killian grinned at her, taking the mug down to pour more for them. When he handed it to her, she took another swig, seeming to savor the burn in her throat and warmth in her belly. Giggling, she let herself fall back onto the blankets they had laid across the deck. 

"The last time I was this drunk was when I kissed you," she laughed, rolling onto her side clumsily to look at him. "After we escaped Pann."

"You were much more drunk then," he laughed back before realization dawned on him. "Wait, you remember that?"

"Yeah, and you lying about it." Her grin was playful, and she laid her head down to hide half her face in the blankets. Killian felt his ears heat, and tried not to choke on anymore of the rum. "Why did you, anyway?"

"I didn't - it was obvious you were out of sorts, just…"

"Knackered? Foxed? Three shades to the wind?" Emma giggled, and when he didn't return the laugh she reached for him. "I didn't mean to upset you, I definitely shouldn't have done that. I mean, I don't regret it, because it was nice and you have nice lips and a nice face, and - " She rambled, and his eyebrow raised. She let out a groan and covered her mouth. 

"A drunken mind speaks a sober - " he chuckled awkwardly, Emma reaching to push him softly before he could finish the proverb. There was a part of him that felt strange, full of pride, while all at once wistful. 

"Shut up," she whined, her blush making her eyes more green. "We will never speak of this again."

"Not a word from my nice lips about it again, I swear it." Miming zipping his lips, Emma groaned once more, falling back into the blankets again while laughing. Her laughter, being out at sea, the rum - it was heady when mixed with the thought of the way she had felt. There was no way he could admit anything more than that to himself, let alone Emma. 

Later he checked her coordinates against the constellations, both of them looking at the stars and looking over the map by candlelight. Emma fell asleep as he began to work in silence and he coaxed her to take a pillow to lay her head on, the quiet snoring lasting for a few hours. 

She tossed and turned under the blanket, briefly scaring him with the suddenness of her flailing. 

"Emma? Are you alright?" 

"Don't touch me, please don't touch - " she startled awake, throwing her body away from his own. With hazy eyes filled with tears, Emma scrunched into her frame just as he saw her do within Ursula's realm, magic leaving her in waves. "Nil, no, please don't - "

The first few bursts of magic caught him off guard, hitting him squarely in the chest. The third he tried to roll away from as it hit his hip, the movement fully pulling her from the night terror. 

Her breathing was rapid and unsteady, as she murmured an apology, fingers twisting her hair. 

She looked exhausted, and Killian wondered again when the last time she had gotten proper rest was. Approaching carefully, he wrapped her in the blanket she had thrown off, helping her to stand. 

"Go sleep in the bunk. It will be more comfortable for you," Killian whispered, and Emma let him tuck a stray piece of her hair behind her ear, his skin meeting the softness of her cheek. He nodded to the hatch, helping her down the ladder until she closed the latch behind her. Sitting down on the deck to look over the maps again, he attempted to rub out the twinge in his chest that had begun to ache from where her magic had dealt its blows. 

  *✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

  The dress for the evening of this ball is beautiful, and fits her like a glove as she twirls for her father. He's happier than she has seen him in a long time, eyes crinkled at the corners, watching her like she is the most important thing in the world as she shows him the intricate crystal work that glitters in the light. 

Her mother hugs her from behind, a rare warm gesture rather than the iciness that Emma is used to in their relationship, decorum and etiquette frowning on displays of affection. The green velvet of her mother's gown smells like moss, pine, sweet grass, and fresh snow as her mother rests her head on Emma's shoulder. 

Her father twirled her again, and they're at the ball. As unsure as she is what this party commemorates, the food and drink do not disappoint, nor does the selection of dance partners. A warm set of hands covers her eyes, and she can feel the press of a person against her back but it isn't unwelcome at all. Instead she feels the roughness of his palms, stubble against her neck, warm breath in her ear, and Killian’s voice. 

"I have a surprise for you, darling," he whispers, and Emma feels her stomach flip like it had once with Graham. To her surprise, she feels trust and a sense of peace that he is with her here, and grins at his gift. The music goes silent in the ballroom, along with the guests, as if a great breath has snuffed everything out. "No peeking now…" Killian’s hands fall away and she screws her eyes tightly shut. 

A finger traces her exposed spine, and she giggles, the nail sharp against her skin while feathers soften its trail. Although not completely unpleasant, it feels off the longer and further it goes, and she shivers as she leans away from the touch. The person behind her wraps their arms around her tightly, making it impossible to move while trailing their nails down her exposed skin. Emma struggles, and she feels a sickeningly familiar giggle rumble through the chest against her back. 

This wasn't Killian any longer. She keeps her eyes shut, trying to wish away the sour smelling breath against the junction of her throat. 

"Open your eyes, my beautiful wife, my queen to rival all queens. Open your eyes and behold my gift to you," Nil hisses, dragging his tongue along her shoulder blade. 

Despite trying to clench her eyes shut with everything in her power, they are forced open to the light of the ballroom, twinkling lights that briefly blind then illuminate the bodies on the patterned floor. Crimson puddles lay around the courtiers as they themselves laid too still, livery soaking up the blood. Emma lets out a cry, running and slipping in the pools, her skirts and slippers filling with wet warmth, the taste of copper on her tongue. 

Her parents slumped in their thrones, eyes and mouths open too wide, and Emma hears herself now as she chokes out moans, her voice too small but so loud in the silence that permeates in the absence of life. From behind her father's throne, Killian appears, his hands and face drenched in the same red that blooms from her parents necks while he wipes his sword on his waistcoat. 

His face contorts in a sinister grin that only widens when he catches her horrified gaze, his eyes flickering to the floor. His eyes that are terribly, and awfully sad. 

Emma turns back to Nil, his smile akin to Killian’s own, the dagger in his grip as Killian takes a place slightly behind him like a prostrate lap dog. Emma shakes her head, falling to her knees. 

"Do you not like my gift, my radiant queen? I wanted something that left an impression as your last sight before the Darkness of your new life begins." Nil cocks his head, moving to her to lift her chin. Emma feels tears stream down her cheeks. "You will learn to love the Darkness, just as you will learn to love me, and love what I have done for you. Come, wife. Come."

The ballroom disappears around her as the world goes black, the floor falling away to leave her tumbling into the abyss. She lands on a soft surface, hands scrambling to feel around and escape. Her arms tangle in silken sheets as pillows, down, and bedding seemed to hold her, realizing she's landed in a bed that is not her own. The bedding fabric tightens around her wrists and ankles, forcing her body into a prone position, forcing her into a vulnerable position, even as she struggles in the dark. A rustling catches her attention, her body tense as she tries to place where the noise came from. She could see nothing in the gloom, no matter how much she tried. Nil's voice slithered through the murk. 

"You're home now, my magnificent queen. Home and safely held, to get you acclimated to life here, to the absence of light." The sound of fabric falling to the ground came from her left, followed by dragging footsteps echoing across the space, Emma's breath coming in panicked gasps. 

She feels the creak of the bed near her feet, a knee against her calf as a feathered hand slid up her thigh. Emma pleads for him to stop, desperately trying to get away from his touch. 

Nil's voice is silky against her hip. "You'll get used to this too, not that I mind. Fighting makes a better future king."

Screams ripped from her throat and he pulled away, hissing at the noise. "Dark One! Hold her mouth silent!"

Killian appears through the darkness, leaning over her as she begs and pleads for this to stop. His eyes glow blue, and they are still so sad as his hand covers her mouth, muffling her voice. He looks close to tears, like he's breaking himself, his hand trembling against her lips while he tries to comfort her even as Nil returns to her thigh.

"Emma, I'm so sorry, Emma, shhhhh, please." The room grows brighter, his eyes are brighter and he is clenching his jaw in fury. Emma can feel the light coming back, but Nil's hands press on, too close to where they should never be, and her begging gets louder along with Killian’s voice right above her, "Emma, are you alright?" 

And no, she isn't, but the room is gone and he's saved her, eyes blue in her blurry vision - 

Waking up in terror after the rum had worn off, Emma had hoped for more sleep, but even the alcohol was unable to combat her nightmare on the deck. The dream continued to plague her, pieces of it making her breath catch until it fades. Killian was in her dreams more frequently since his return, both ambivalent and malicious in each turn. Killian had helped her down into those chambers, and although she still was slightly hazy, it was a welcome change. 

It was odd to be in the room of a person that had changed into a stranger inside his own skin, the remaining discarded bits of what was a life scattered in disarray. Lighting a candle, she looked at the open trunk and the uniform placed reverently over a desk chair, letting her fingers run along the buttons and brush the fringe of the epaulets. The books she had pulled earlier were still out, and she opened dog eared pages, surprised by the different sets of handwriting in the margins.

Sturdy, block text that reminded her of laws and bills that her parents had to sign underlined passages, while a flowery script poked fun at those footnotes. The flowery text seemed to enjoy more poetry and philosophy, which the block text had teased heavily. Based on what she knew, Liam and Killian respectively were the authors, Killian’s text much more chaotic and flamboyant. Another hand's script had joined later, letters beautiful and words softly pushed together. It wrote love notes in the corners, or bracketed passages, occasionally a watercolor picture left tucked neatly in the pages where they wrote paragraphs. Milah, Emma assumed. 

Killian had once painted, she discovered after finding a ribbon bound stack of his work. Pictures of Milah were his main focus, then the water, landscapes, and animals. His work was humorous and surreal on occasion too, and Emma wondered what that man had been like, before everything happened. He had been different then, and it made her feel anxious and vulnerable to wonder if that man was still buried somewhere within the tortured soul she now kept company with. 

Stripping to her shift to combat the last of summer's heat, she laid down on the bunk, surprised at the luxurious nature of the bedding. Here in the cabin, she could better hear the water, waves rocking the ship. Later, she heard his footfalls, opening her eyes briefly as he whispered that she was alright, stroking her hair gently. 

Emma could feel the remnants of the dream, the same as before and the same that had haunted her since she had found herself in Ursula's domain. He kept on with his soothing until the tension in her shoulders fell away, the traced patterns against her scalp in sync with the waves. The ghost of the old Killian still remained, she mused smiling sleepily, the one she could trust. She fell immediately back to sleep, resting for the first time in weeks and dreaming of home.