#me rambling into the void for no reason this morning

[hiyyihrts]

The way he starts the scene so intently looking at her with not admiration but almost gloating, in a sense, because he’s told her that he missed her and her letters, so of course Penelope being Penelope she’ll just faun and look bashful and maybe mumble a line out to him, but it shifts to a 180 when she starts saying she’s the laughing stock of the ton and that she knows he’d never court her no matter what she ‘changes’ about herself to fit the ton’s needs and wants. You can see he avoids her gaze and looks anywhere but directly into her eyes, because she’s no longer praising him and awarding his own thoughts by amusing him. I think here he realizes that what she’s saying is true and he’s embarrassed/maybe even a little ashamed to admit that he’s also thought that or thought something similar. But I think he also realizes, once she says he’s cruel and just like the rest of the ton, that he’s taken Penelope for granted. She’s always indulged in his adventures and whims and travels, all of his family troubles, all of his internal-self issues, etc. and that she’s always been nothing but “kind” to him, when in reality she wasn’t revealing everything she probably wanted to say or felt at the time, because how could she ever hurt Colin or do something to take the good-natured smile and easy going wiles away from him? His Penelope would never do that! But she’s becoming her own person for once and entering into her own agency, and he’s not sure how to maneuver through it, let alone with her through it. So I feel as though he looks at her with a sense of shame and regret as she walks away- so much he wants to deny and refute but not being able to because he believes some of it to be true as she believes as well.

[magnusbae]

tfw u have a Complicated™️ Relationship With An Otherworldly Creature

First of all, I would like to point out that I DID NOT REALIZE WE HAD THAT DISCUSSION ON APRIL FOOL'S DAY.

All I remember is being delirious from lack of sleep and you indulging me by listening to my ravings about a Venom AU for dreamling aND THEN MAKING AN ACTUAL MEME FOR IT!!!

While I don't remember much of what we said that morning, and this meme being perfect for Canon AU also, I will focus my efforts on elaborating on this Venom AU no one had asked for but everybody will be getting!

◘ ◘ ◘ ◘ ◘ ◘

"It's not human, but it's given me things no girlfriend ever could."

Hob Gadling is by no means a man who lacks options. He had fucked, and he had fucked a lot. He dated, he had even married once. He did all there is to be done, from casual to serious and yet... nothing comes close to this, to this bond he shares, to this otherworldly creature living within him, sustaining him, enveloping him, devouring him.

"Beloved," Hob says, feeling the instantaneous warming of his chest. Dream, (That is his name.) (Oh, what a lovely name it is.) often responds in such a manner to terms of endearment. He enjoys them more than he would ever care to admit. All the more incentive for Hob to use them as frequently as humanly possible. Which is to say, a lot.

The low frequency rumbling inside of his chest cavity lets him know that Dream is very much aware and chooses to remain silent on the matter. He is so sweet, actually the sweetest creature in the entirety of existence. It's hard to remember a time when he had thought otherwise, a time in which he was actually terrified of the creature that had decided to use his body as a free-ride.

Yes? Dream finally speaks, tired of waiting for Hob to verbalize his thoughts. His voice is a deep thunder inside of Hob's mind, closer to a loud thought than an actual audible sound. An intrusive thought he would never wish to get rid of. Hob. Strict, impatient, amused. He feels like Dream cannot decide if he's more irritated or amused by Hob's wandering thoughts. Speak.

Hob huffs out a laughter, shaking his head and opening his fist in an invitation. The empty spaces between his fingers are soon filled with claw-like ink black fingers. Dream's hand, firm and strong.

"I was just thinking," Hob closes his hand, squeezing Dream's hand in his, feeling the tightening of Dream's hand in turn. "how it's our anniversary tonight" he closes his eyes, thinking of a year ago, miserable and lost and terrified, with nothing in this world left, running into an alien that by all means was supposed to devour him long ago.

Expect for the miraculous part of them being so perfectly matched that Dream decided to preserve him instead. Tend his body, strengthen it, keep it safe. The only price being that he also gets to live in it. See humanity, learn of it, understand it. It's what he told him, however Hob suspects, knows really, that it was something far more personal.

Dream had filled spaces Hob didn't even know he had. Voids so small you don't know them but you ache them. And if Hob does even a fraction of what Dream does to him— well then, there's the reason.

Yes. Dream rambles, pleased. Anniversary, like marriage. the last word is purred so quietly it's almost like it's Hob's own thought.

"Hold your horses," Hob laughs again, cheeks warming up, he's smiling wide enough to ache "I expect to get properly proposed to, who do you think I am? I ain't cheap, you know" he feels a hand brushing his hip bone, an intimate, possessive gesture that sets a shiver down his groin.

Yes, of course. Dream's finger trace's down the 'V' lines, claw gentle but ever present. Not cheap. Proposal. Indeed. Dream is amused again, the cheeky creature is making fun of him, and that, is damn hot.

Whatever response Hob was about to give is swallowed down with a yelp when Dream takes him into his hand. Hob breathes out, mind blanking as the decidedly inhuman hand starts working on him.

Conversations about propriety can wait. After all, this is so much more interesting. Whatever else you can say about dating a formless alien who resides inside of your body, there's undeniable benefits to them literally sharing your own pleasure. Makes for a very good partner indeed.

◘ ◘ ◘ ◘ ◘ ◘

Written in one go without editing because if I allow myself even a single more hour of thinking how it needs to be PERFECT I will die LMAO.

Brief explanation of Venom for those who didn't watch it! >> under the cut.

Generally speaking, I would imagine that Dream's initial reason was to study, understand, experience a different existence than his own. He had no regard for human life (still doesn't, not in the way a human would) he was perfectly fine with riding human bodies and living their lives until they expired.

Expect Dream had found Hob, a perfect match, a human body that accepted every single cell of him with open arms, way before Hob even realized he loved Dream, his body had already accepted him.

This can have over-complicated plot, and it could be a simply fun-little au. It can have a "fish-bowl" rescue of reported Hob breaking into the Lab where Dream was being experimented on, and it could be Hob's homeless era when on top of everything else going wrong with his life, he also gotten jumped by an alien symbiote in an alley.

It can be anything you wish to imagine, but bottom line is— imagine the intimacy, the bond, the tenderness of sharing a body with a creature that envelopes you whole, who loves you whole, who cares and wants you whole. Body and Soul and Mind, literally, figuratively, everything.

A bond so close you feel like a single being, bond so close you feel you would die if separated. Hob didn't even know he needed it. Hob thought his life was complete, even if shitty at times, he didn't feel any lackings, and yet..... when Dream came into his life, he realized it was an empty shell compared to what it is.

And Dream, who had never felt a connection, only felt rejection after rejection, and then in the case of the lab-trab, the experiments and cruelty. Being loved and accepted and wanted so fully he betrays his entire species to be with Hob.

-----

Essentially, Venom is one specimen of a symbiotic life form that finds a host and bonds with it. It's not easy to find a proper host, if the host is not right, the symbiote would slowly devour the body and eventually kill the human. In the comics canon, a human named Eddie and Venom form a bond, eventually fall in love, and share a very intimate relationship. It's a VERY half-assed explanation, but basically, the symbiote literally lives inside of the human host, and it makes for some......fun dynamics. considering it's a literal alien.

[kindlingkeen]

I think something that annoys me the most about quite a few Joker Dies/Jason Comes Home fics is that they think that as soon as the Joker is dead, Jason will stop killing. Like, doesn't matter if he's the one to kill the Joker or not, as long as the Clown dies, that's it, problem solved, Jason can go home with no issue because obviously he has no more reason to kill!

and it always has me ???????????????? the Joker is not the reason Jason kills? the Joker dying takes out a massive threat to the citizens of Gotham and I don't doubt it would make Jason personally feel better just in general, but there are still horrible, horrible people around and doing things that Jason believes means they don't deserve to keep living? Just because the Clown's dead doesn't mean all the other issues Jason deals with as the Red Hood are going to disappear wtf

Anon, I’m so sorry it too me forever to answer this ask!! Tumblr disappeared it from my inbox after I read it initially, and then it just reappeared this morning! I hope you’re still around to see this.

That narrative has me going ???????? right along with you. I don’t understand it. I’ve thought about it a lot and the best I can come up with is that sometimes authors are more interested in telling a story about Jason reintegrating with the family than they are in being true to Jason’s character. Because when you think about everything Jason’s been through, his motivations and perspective, the choices he’s made, it’s actually really hard to make him play happy house with the bats and keep his character authentic. If you’re out there in the void reading this and feel differently, reblog or leave a comment with your thoughts, I’d really like to hear them.

As I see it, here are two pieces to your ask: 1) Joker dying. 2) Jason killing.

First, Joker. Honestly, imo, focusing on the Joker dying completely misses the point. Canonically, if Jason really wanted Joker dead above all else, he could have killed him in Lost Days. He could have shot him in the face the first time he saw him in UtRH. It’s not about Joker. It’s about Bruce. Bruce’s choices, Bruce’s actions, Bruce’s feelings (or lack thereof). Taking it one step further, I actually think that deep down there’s a part of Jason that doesn’t want the Joker dead. Because once he is, that’s it. The possibility of Bruce making things right (right in Jason’s eyes, at least) is gone forever.

Second, Jason killing. I think Jason kills because, at his core, his priority is victims. He’s willing to take that final step because he sees it as necessary for existing victims and to prevent future victims in the making. I think it’s possible to put Jay in a scenario where he chooses not to kill for other reasons. But it’s not something he’s ever going to repent for, it’s not a ‘suddenly seeing the light’ sort of situation. I think these two panels from Detective Comics #975 are a good example of that. Although I take issue with the ‘I still have enough respect for this place’ line.

So, yeah, those are some of my thoughts on Jason, the Joker, and the Red Hood’s lethality. I’m still getting the hang of these meta rambles. Hopefully that was coherent enough, lol.

Thanks so much for the ask, anon! I really enjoyed thinking this through! 💙

[cloudcountry]

SUMMARY: you fall asleep on isaac's shoulder while he's working.

WARNINGS: none!!! :D

COMMENTS: ASGHFDHSAGD THIS IS MY FIRST TIME WRITING FOR IKEVAMP!!!!! i literally adore isaac sosososososo much he is so cute :((( I HOPE I WROTE HIM WELL!!!! :D

OH YEA tagging @dove-da-birb because i think you said you wante dto be tagged ahgsdhas

The weight of their head on Isaac’s shoulder snaps him out of the concentrated trance he’d found himself in. He turns his head, slowly and with bated breath, and feels his cheeks flush bright red at the sight that greets him. Sure enough, they’d fallen asleep on him. He should probably wake them up, he thinks, but as they breathe softly and their chest rises and falls and he watches, he’s not thinking much at all.

He couldn’t understand why they’d insisted on accompanying him for his late-night research session when they had other things to do. There was no reason to do so since he’d gotten by completely fine on his own, but they hadn’t backed down. Isaac was notoriously weak to them anyways—anyone in the mansion knew he would have said yes no matter what. They had a way of making him feel calm, like his existence wasn’t torture, like he didn’t constantly make mistakes and misunderstand the people around him.

They were quite the paradox. They laid themselves out to him like an open book, and yet he couldn’t read much of the words. Over the weeks they’d known each other, he’d learned how, but most of the pages were filled with jumbled words he didn’t understand and beautiful pictures he couldn’t interpret. And yet they were never a cruel teacher. They were the most patient person he’d ever met, guiding his hands across the gold-lined pages and helping him sound out the words that lead him through the paths of their heart. Sometimes, the words he found helped him find the way through his own heart. It was undoubtedly a beautiful thing, and although it was void of the equations he’d depended on his whole life, Isaac found himself less frightened by the day.

They would never hurt him. They treated him far too gently for that. Always there with a kind word and a nod when he began to ramble, always there to tell his housemates to knock it off with their teasing but often teasing him themselves, always there to hold his hand and ask him if he needed a hug at the end of the day. They prepared him tea on nights when he couldn’t sleep, too focused on his research and knowing he’d pass out at his desk and wake up with a blanket draped across his shoulders. There would be a little note scribbled out resting on top of his stack of papers, signed with their name and letting him know that they’d be bringing him breakfast in the late morning.

He wishes he had the courage to do the same for them. It was one of the many things about them he found adorable and one of the many things he would never admit to thinking about them.

“Do you think of me the way I think of you?” he murmurs to them, although they are fast asleep. Of course, they do not answer.

The ticking of the watch he fixed just for them echoes in the silence he leaves.

“If I asked you to stay...if I was selfish enough to ask that of you...would you comply? Would you fulfill my wish?” Isaac’s voice is impossibly softer, the yearning in his aching heart betrayed by the wobbling of his words.

They don't belong here. He knows this. They belong back in their world, where they have a family and friends and a life. He isn’t a natural part of who they are, even if he wishes he could grow to be. He wants to be part of what they want so badly, but that’s not possible. He’d only hurt them. And even if they say they trust him over and over, he does not trust himself. They are precious to him, someone he wants to protect more than anything—and to lose them now would destroy him.

His eyes flick back to his forgotten work, and he sighs. Raking his hand through his hair, he picks back up his pen and starts to write again. Their head on his shoulder burns through his shirt. He can feel their warmth. His hand shakes as it scribbles out an equation, and his cheeks still burn a fiery red. He’s gnawing on his bottom lip and bouncing his leg so fiercely he almost bangs his knee on the wood, but he doesn’t stop.

Do they have any idea how serious this is? Isaac could lose control of his hunger at any moment and hurt them just like he did before. His eyes flicker to their hand, and even though the bandages are gone, he still feels that stab of guilt. How do they feel safe enough with him to fall asleep near him? Even if it wasn’t on purpose, they should have left the second they were feeling tired. They should have bid him goodnight and patted his shoulder like they always did when they said goodbye and left him to his own devices. And yet they did not, because they are the strangest phenomenon he’s ever witnessed.

He loves them. He loves them like they strung up all the stars he loves to study in the sky, he loves them like they’re the only person he’ll ever know this well, he loves them like they’re the only person who would ever care for him even though they’d insist they’re not. He loves them like they’re everything and he knows there’s no way he could tell them that. He’s not good with words. He’s not good with affection.

And he is certainly not good with love.

Isaac turns back to them in what he wholeheartedly believes is a moment of weakness because they smell so nice and they look so at peace and—

They whisper his name.

A soft “Isaac” leaves their lips, and he stiffens at the sound. His face burns hotter now, his leg bounces more, his heart is pounding in his ears and his blood is rushing through his veins and—

He whips his head back towards his paper, intent on focusing on his work, only to see loopy scribbles of their name on his notes.

Gah, he needs to control himself.

Even when he wasn’t thinking, his body still yearned for them. How traitorous his hands were.

[pleasantmsp]

Been rewatching some of the Mighty Nein campaign cause I was missing them and also I'm excited for their one shot soon! I've seen a few people speculating about the one shot so thought I'd put my thoughts out into the void as well.

I honestly don't know at all what to expect from this one shot. I don't even remember what the description was beyond that it has to do with the apogee solstice stuff. I haven't kept up much with campaign 3 for my own reasons that I don't need to get into now. However, I did actually watch a couple of the episodes during the solstice and got lucky with watching the ep with beau and caleb in it. But otherwise, I barely know what's going on. I have no idea what the M9 will be dealing with. My theories include anything from getting Beau and Caleb back and dealing with cultists along the way to dealing with the Cerberus Assembly's/Ludinus' attachments to this whole thing to stopping Tharizdun or some other entity from doing some fuck shit. Honestly, I don't fucking know man. I don't even really think any of that shit will happen.

I don't know if it's been confirmed that Caduceus is gonna be the one in this one shot but I really hope it is him. One of the things that's been bothering me about this arc from the BH perspective (at least that I've seen) is that none of them or any that they've come across has been able to argue for the side of the gods and the good that some of them can do. As someone who really likes the worldbuilding and rp that gods can bring to settings like this, not having that perspective represented has been disappointing for me. (This is not the fault of the cast or their guests or anything like that, that is not what I'm saying. It is their choice what characters they play and it is Matt's choice as the DM which NPCs/areas they come across in wherever they decide to explore. I'm just mentioning my own preference and feelings as it pertains to the one shot which is what I'm talking about). Anyway, I hope it's Caduceus because I think he will bring an incredibly interesting perspective on this whole thing. And I think Fjord will too but not to the extent that Cad can since Cad and his family grew up as worshippers of Melora.

We don't know the fate of Beau and Caleb and while I don't think they're dead, I really hope they aren't gone for most of this one shot. Beau is my favorite character in any media ever. I fucking love Beau so much. And Beauyasha is my favorite couple, I love them. I will be literally so sad if Marisha isn't playing Beau for this one shot. Like I'll understand but also I will indeed be devastated. Beauyasha is like my Roman Empire (this joke will be aging this post LMAO but its a good comparison honestly), I think about them A LOT. I want to see more content from them. I was at SDCC, I was there when Ashley said she felt like she wasn't fully finished with Yasha and that's exactly how I feel. The Mighty Nein's story was so good but the way it ended felt so long and then so abrupt (but that's another post). I will always be wanting more of Beau and Yasha's story. I want to know as much as Marisha and Ashley are willing to give us. So I hope the one shot starts with Beau and Caleb and how they reunite with the Nein and then get to business. Or even better, with them already reunited for maximum Nein time.

Those are my main two thoughts for now. I actually need to go to bed cause I got work in the morning and it's been kicking my ass these last two weeks so imma cut it there and check back tomorrow. If you somehow see this, I hope you enjoyed my ramblings lol

[virgin-mojitos]

STEVEN GRANT SFW ALPHABET -- PT 1

this was VERY fun to do and it made giggle a few times (dont tell anyone) here you go!

Activities – What are their favorite things to do with you? How do you spend your free time?

So in my opinion steven is one of those people who care about the company rather than the activity kind of person? Like we could be sitting silence reading and he’d be having a blast because its comfortable silene. Or we could go all out and creative and go to a pottery making date (yes this is peak creativity for me,im a very old fashioned coffee dates and fancy restaurants kind of gal. SUE ME!) and he would also have TONS of fun because he values the company and people he’s spending time with!

Boo! – How do they feel about surprises, giving and receiving?

Okay to be honest when I first read ‘BOO’ I was like ‘muahaha im gonna spook steven’ but then I finished reading and its about receiving and giving gift… ANYWAYS! Okay but about getting spooked, I feel like steven is just one of those people who get spooked easily. So okay imagine this, you’ve been living with steven for quite some time now (mmm like 4-5 months-ish) and hes doing something in the kitchen or reading or just sitting and staring into the void and you come quietly behind and just BARELY graze his shoulder and quietly say “steven..” he will get in attack mode im sorry. (like this) “ GAAaAh! WHA-? Oh gods you scared me” and he will clutch his boobs I means his pearls in fear and then laugh it off and ask you “what is it love? Did you need something?”  

Comfort – How do they comfort you when you’re upset? When the tables turn, do they come to you, or try to handle it themselves?

I guess it depends on every person and how they like to be comforted? Like me for example if im crying or having a bad day I just like to be left alone and ill come to you if or when im ready to talk. So with steven I think he would just be like a cat. Just lingering around me (with probably longing eyes) with a safe distance to give me space.

The other way around however, with steven I think he would love a shoulder to cry on or someone to hear him rant or ramble about why hes upset would be perfect. As he never had anyone to liste—nopE NOPE nevermind!

Dance – Do they like to dance with you? How good of a dancer are they?

im sorry people but steven is not a good dancer, like AT ALL. But boy does he love to dance around the flat, like I don’t know if its his autism but he may dance his way to place (like going from the bathroom to bedroom etc) or he could be standing perfectly still and just start to dance out of nowhere (don’t worry steven im right with ya) ALSO! OF COURSE HE LOVES DANCING WITH YOU?? Come on now, by now we know steven watches a lot of rom coms so of course he spins you around in the kitchen in the morning after a night of sweet love making (was that cringe? Yea probably) while making breakfast.

Excitement – How do they act when they’re excited? What excites them?

As we established, steven is very much on the autism spectrum so happy stims FOR DAYS! Jumping around, hand clapping, fist bumps you name it basically! And watch out for potential kisses all over your face especially when youre the reason of his excitement! Definitely do not think about steven picking you up and spinning you around your shared flat laughing his ass off, nope nope.

Future – What are their plans for the future? Do they see themselves getting married, having kids?

*loud gulp and body shiver* hmmm future? Married? KiDs? All very scary topics (to me) yes okay come on you know damn well he already thinks you’re the one when you greet gus the second (gus the first gone but never forgotton) with a smile when you first visit his place. Hes already thinking about the wedding venue when he puts himself down when he realizes that hes (cutely) rambling about his favorite myths and legands and you tell him “no no please continue, im genuinely interested. Besides you look very pretty talking about your interests wink wink” (yes I do say wink wink in real life). And hes thinking about how he wants 2 kids with you when one day your in the park walking together and your playing on the swings and a spoiled brat comes to you telling you that its their swing and asking you to move, so you smile sweetly and look into that brats eyes and say “ I didn’t realize it had your name on it?”

--- THIS IS NOT ALL OF THE ALPHABET (obviously) if you want more just tell me! ---

i got the template here!

(part 2)

[cxsmiicc]

a friend of mine the other day said that he didn't see editing as a real hobby because it had no deeper meaning. everything im about to say in this post i said to his face on this day. now this dude is like. classic snobby english student. turns his nose up at any book that isn't written in such a way that it takes a week to read. genuinely enjoys poetry and is forever trying to get me to like it too (i violently hate poetry, just not my thing no hate if u like it). we somehow got onto the topic of hobbies and i was talking about how i had a fair few, and i started listing some off of the top of my head. the few i mentioned were editing, writing, reading and crocheting. he offhandedly says that he doesn't think editing is a real hobby because it has no deeper meaning and the look i gave to this boy could have levelled cities. first and foremost, editors. work. fucking. hard. it is not easy to find clips, find audios, and put them all together to make something cohesive. shit takes hours every time. i have cried over edits countless times. i've seen people cry over my edits before and it feels amazing (sounds odd i know but you get it). my next point, a hobby BY DEFINITION is something you do for fun. to relax. to enjoy yourself. not in pursuit of some deep life lesson. hobbies are hobbies because they are something you do for enjoyment, in pursuit of some peace of fucking mind. my edits lately?? mostly lanfear, with a hot audio, and minimal transitions. and what do they mean? that i think she's hot. i still made it. that edit didn't spring fully formed from the void. time and effort went into it. editing is a real hobby, a real career if you're good enough, and an edit can have as deep a meaning as any novel or any song, or be as shallow as a fucking teaspoon. and someone still made it. someone still found the song, marked the beats, cut the clips, added their effects and transitions and colouring and watermark. just as a book can be self indulgent, so can an edit. obviously the two are different, and people can and will argue themselves blue about which is better, film or literature, the old versus the new. but for fucks sake don't be like him. he knows exactly how much time i spend on my edits, how much i agonise over the smallest details. it hurt when he said that so casually. he just threw a year of my life away, saying it doesn't qualify as a pastime because it doesn't teach me anything. okay. can he use after effects with the skill that i can? no. he didn't even know what an mp4 was until i explained this morning. having practical skills can only be an advantage. plus ofc doing anything for a long period of time will teach you these deep philosophical lessons he's oh so fond of. i met my favourite person in the world through editing. she's the reason i started my current editing account. ly babe if ur reading this. posting edits and being an active part of a niche fandom is also incredible for getting better at interacting with people. both the comments on my posts and the comments i leave on other peoples edits are so so supportive and sweet, and yeah. im losing steam with this post so imma leave it here bcs its 2:30am and i am most definitely rambling.

sorry for a long post but this is important to me and every other editor who has had people laugh when they mention what they do for fun

[waitingforwinterwinds]

Surprise, not dead!

So here's what's been happening: the day after my last post was a super heavy workload day for me and when I got home, I was kinda busy, and I thought to myself "I'll take a quick five minutes to just jot down some meta on the Ygritte/Jon Snow relationship regarding the sexual abuse, voided consent and the juxtapose of what I think was GRRM's intent versus what he actually wrote" because Rouka's right, that relationship is pretty fucked up in actuality, and that's not something I've been addressing (directly if at all*) in my read throughs for a couple of reasons, but I do kinda want to have a chat about it at some point. ("chat" I mean rambling thought train.)

(*like, to the point I think I've accidentally given an impression that I feel one way rather than another on the matter actually? maybe? That's gonna be awkward if true.)

several distractions, hours and pages later I have an incoherent mess between key points, that clearly needs to be put aside for a few days at the very least and several rounds of editing, so I save it, look over at the clock and think "how the fudge ducking hell is it so far after midnight???"

So naturally I think "it's fiiiiine, I'll do Dany's chapter in the morning and be back on schedule for evening."

More fool me.

The eagle eyed amongst my regulars might be able to tell you I have a weakness against psychic damage.

I'm prone to headaches.

It's actually a little worse than that: I'm genetically predisposed to migraines that send me blind. (Kind of a miracle this hasn't cropped up to this degree before now during the project.)

So I've been working on limited vision the past few days; that's stabilized and I'm back to my normal field of vision, but my brain does still feel incredibly bruised, and like someone's taking a sledgehammer to a pickax lodged in my grey matter if I step too enthusiastically.

I'm hoping to be back to the read through tomorrow, but we'll have to see.

The meta piece, if I end up deciding to go ahead with that one, will probably be a few days after Ygritte dies (omg spoilers) and if it does happen, after speaking with their agents, Steel Chair has agreed to be on hand for a special guest appearance.

And no, the fandom is not allowed to weaponise feminism on this one. (I've been in the female character tags, I know some of y'all will take any excuse whether you actually like a lady or not.)

Anyway, painkillers, hydration, and bed for me.

Goodnight~

[i-am-the-anti-christ-to-you]

Man, I have so many posts already lined up to be posted since a long time ago (about my Vietnam trip, about a bunch of terrific, watershed moments of my life), but here I am posting about a movie I literally just finished at 3.30am this morning because I've never felt this alive lying on a bed. For some reason I find it more imperative to publish this movie review-cum-ramble into the void corner of the internet than journal entries about actually important life events at this very moment.

This post is about a role model I recently adopted. And it’s going to be hella incoherent because I’m writing this at an ungodly hour.

After going down the Alex Honnold rabbit hole, I finally watched Free Solo. What the reddit posts, article reviews, and Wired interviews didn't prepare me for was Alex's relationship with Sanni, and the huge possibility that Alex's biggest motivation to free solo isn't the drive to achieve greatness, nor his unresponsive amygdala, but in fact, depression. I heavily related to his upbringing, the strange familial dynamics that reeked of cultural avoidance of explicit affection and learning how to be vulnerable at the ripe age of 23. Sans his physical prowess and impressive feats, I saw quite a bit of myself in my newfound idol. Unlike most people's heroes, he was both perfect and imperfect, which only makes me fonder of him even more. He's probably on the spectrum, is hugely introverted yet likeable, and had to overcome great emotional barriers that he put up since childhood. The only times I saw him truly, purely, utterly joyous was when he realised it was game time. On the other hand, he was interestingly reserved while exhibiting the right amount of affection in Sanni's presence. Even when they parted ways for the actual climb, I recognised the sense of being lost because something comforting and familiar is now absent. Happiness is not the same as joy. Maybe it's the cameras, or maybe this was just the performative manifestation of Alex's unapologetic mindset of "climbing over girlfriend".

But then the way San-San calls him after he summitted, and the look on his face when she surprises him in his van. There's a sweet spot, a middle ground that Alex seems to have, making him the luckiest human being on planet earth (in my very personal opinion).

I don't really know what the point of this post is, I just wanted to get my thoughts about Free Solo out there. I have exciting plans for myself in Norway this July, plans that only I am privy to, plans that may have great consequences (low risk though, I hope) and may be my only chance to get as close as possible to feeling the way Alex feels when looking up at the mighty El Cap. Other people can leave, hurt, die, but nature (in multiple meanings of the word) simply just is, and any hurt had within it can only be said to be self-inflicted.

I hope to be delighted too.

Gorgeous photo by Jimmy Chin (duh).

[ghostwith]

A stormy soak

This turned out to be more of a friendship fic between my farmer and Linus but it does touch lightly on the topic of Jay’s feelings for Rasmodious. I tied in a bit of Linus’ actual in game dialogue as well to try to make it fit more. 

Jay sighed and sank herself deeper in the steaming water, soaking in its warmth after her routine rainy day visit with Rasmodius. 

Like clockwork every day that it rained she would make her way to the mines early in the morning, exit them in the evening and trudge her way across town to the old wizard’s tower, with whatever arcane curiosity she stumbled upon in hand. He never once mentioned how soaked through she had become on her small journey and she never acknowledged it in turn, at least not to him. It was no inconvenience, she would tell him, smiling through the stinging chill on her skin. I know how useful these are to you. 

 Jay sighed again, almost shoving her face below the edge of the spa’s pool from the shame welling up inside her chest, when a small cough startled her out of her trance. “That is the third time you’ve sighed like that my young friend.” Linus hummed, a knowing look on his face. “You know I have spent a lot of time thinking…” 

“And if you can understand the reasons behind your thoughts, you’ll have reached a new level of being?” Jay chuckled lightly as a look of shock crossed Linus’ face before he grinned leaning back in the water. “You may be spending too much time with this old wild man.”  “Never, you’re one of my dearest friends Linus, however-” Jay grumbled. “I understand the reason behind my thoughts perfectly fine, but it doesn't mean I am on terms with them.” 

Linus nodded solemnly; he understood well that some things should be left unsaid, so he attempted to switch the topic. “It’s been raining quite a lot given that it’s fall.” 

“Practically every day this week.”

“Does that mean you’ve made frequent trips to the mines this week?” 

“I have.” Jay smiled, knowing they both loved exploring those old caves. “I found quite a few new nasty surprises the last few days, but they’ve dropped some amazing looking artifacts.”

“Anything worth bringing to our old friend?” As the words left Linus’ mouth Jay felt her whole body boil with embarrassment and she coughed. “Yes, it seems that most of the things I find now are ‘imbued with potent arcane energies’. 

Linus gave Jay a long side glance, he was certain now that the heat covering her face wasn’t there due to the steam. 

There was a long pregnant pause before he spoke again, seeming to choose his words carefully. “You know, most folks would consider two coincidences to be- strange.” 

Jay blinked at him, seeming to not fully understand so he continued. “It doesn’t normally rain so much in fall does it-” “No, it usually rarely rains.” Jay mumbled. “- and from experience, artifacts are usually few and far between, even on a good day.” Linus suddenly pulled himself up to perch on the edge of the pool, as if to accentuate his point. “So it stands to reason that having those two things happening at once is a rather- mystical coincidence.” 

The room stilled for a moment, with nothing but the sound of the water circulating filling the void, as Jay thought. Linus had a point, she herself could alter both of those things; if she needed it to rain all she had to do was make a totem and if she needed a little extra luck a lucky meal was all she needed. Was he suggesting that she had- “Look I know I haven't been the most discreet with how I feel about Rasmodius around you Linus, but I swear I’m not so desperate as to-'' Linus was shaking his head as she rambled. “Not you, my young friend.” “Not me?”

“No, not you.” He said soothingly. “But-” Jay shook her head. “- it doesn’t make sense for Rasmodius to do any of this?” 

“Doesn’t it? I have known him for a long time, he says it himself, he doesn’t have time for the mundane.” Linus sighed. “Do you think he would directly ask if he wanted something?” “He has before, he’s made requests on more than one occasion.” Jay interjected. “For material items.” Linus agreed. “But what if it was for something more complex.” 

“Like?”

“Company.” 

Jay stuttered for a moment and then went silent as Linus continued. “Think back on when we first met; I was cautious of strangers but the more often you began to visit, the more open to the idea of having people around I got.” A fond smile spread across Linus’ face. “ And now, some mornings I find myself a little lonely, wondering if my friend might stop by.”

Jay pondered it for a moment, had Rasmodius really conjured all this up simply because he may have wanted her to stop by more often? “Now that you mention it,” Jay whispered. “I have really only been visiting him when it rains.” “You’ve been avoiding him.” It wasn't a question.

“You're right.” Jay sighed, pulling herself up out of the pool, wrapping a towel tightly around her shoulders. “He trusts me, Linus, I don't want to ruin that with how I feel.” 

“I can understand that.” He nodded. “Take your time to sort out your thoughts, but don’t avoid your friendship to do it.” 

“Thank you Linus.” Jay sighed and for the first time all night, it sounded relieved. “You’re right.”

“You’re welcome, now-” Linus stood, glancing up. “- it sounds as if our friend has stopped the theatrics for the night, we should get changed and get home before he decides it’s time for another visit.” Linus winked, lightening the heavy atmosphere. 

“We might just have to have a talk with him about that, before he floods out my crops.”

[northwest-cryptid]

is it cool if I just say "all of the above" for the poll? would directly say in note but going by fae rules, just.

I know you as the manager, I see and understand your boycotts, and I read your excessive (affectionate) ramblings like the morning news.

it's impossible to define just one box.

That's fair, I anticipated this sort of result honestly; so feel free.

I find it funny because the reason behind that poll is sort of a two fold thing. I was talking to one of my audience member who doesn't use social media; and essentially was explaining how I'm a bit of a nuisance in that if I ever see a post talking about how games are bad about gender customization or weight customization or gender equality; I'll always without fail be the first to jump in like "THEN PLAY MABI!"

I sort of jokingly made a point of mentioning how like, if you go on tumblr, go into the mabi tag, and ask anyone there who knows me who "the mabi guy is" or "who's the idiot who shaved the goddess" they'd likely point you to me without any problem. This isn't a case where I think I'm super popular or anything, there are tons of extremely skilled, genuinely entertaining, and interesting people in that tag. I just happen to be the one who often stands out for being a bit deranged when it comes to the way I engage with the game. With examples of that being how I talk about the frog event, mentioning there's literally no frogs in Erinn, bringing up the idea that if we're really raising a bunch of frogs it's essentially ecoterrorism. Or posting about 3D printing adventures and the mishaps that come with it such as accidentally shaving the goddess and being turned into a meme for it. So it's not that I think I'm some outstanding popular individual who's super cool and everyone knows. It's more so if you walk into the Mabi tag and go "hey where's that fucking idiot who has the weird opinions about frogs" enough people or at least the people who know me will likely point you in my direction like "oh yea that's Velvet/Cryptid."

However I got to thinking about how much I'm likely known for, how I have followers, mutuals, and friends; who I've made from many backgrounds and interests. Some people literally know me as a fellow trans individual, some people know me as a vtuber, some people know me from my obsession with ProjMoon; some people literally only know me because I'm outspoken about Native issues and I boycott popular games loudly.

It made me wonder what people mostly saw me as, or what they knew me for. It also made me wonder if anyone would look at the list and go "what the fuck is half of this?! You did what?! You're who!?" Which admittedly would be really funny to me.

But long answer short, as I said at the start; go for it. Honestly I almost included an "all of the above" option but I thought it would sort of make all the other options null and void. Why bother having all the other options if I just gave people the option of saying "yea you're all of this" but I also understand that for a lot of my mutuals, or people who have known me for a good while now; I AM all of those things. Because the people who know me well or who follow my blog and actually read the things I have to say; much like you're saying here, have a very real understanding of me as a nuanced individual to which all of that applies.

At the end of the day it's not like I can really stop you, nor should I. If I really didn't want people to pick such an option, I'd have simply not included it. My though process behind including "Other" specifically was that it's possible someone follows me for entirely different reasons, maybe someone knows me for entirely different reasons; I didn't want to simply lock them into needing to pick something I personally think I'm known for, when that might not be the case.

I'm not big on numbers, it's why I like Tumblr; no one needs to know how many followers I have and such, but I have quite a number and I realize that it's pretty presumptuous of me to assume I know why each and every one of them followed me. I figured leaving Other in the list wouldn't just allow for individuals to list their own reasons but also to include something more specific like "I know you for 2 of these things" or "I know you for ALL of these things."

[inkforged]

Coffee Shop Mornings

Yes, it's a cliche, but cliches are a thing for a reason. This morning, I met a friend, Shaina, for coffee and a bagel. We do this regularly, once every couple of weeks.

I live in a rapidly growing portion of Northwest Georgia that's determined to hold on to its small-town vibe despite the mass influx of businesses, sports complexes, and all of the people that come with them. Our downtown is full of new and ancient shops, several churches, a few theatres, some bougie restaurants, and a handful of coffee shops. We have train tracks that run through the town center like most small cities in the south. The depot is now used as an event space where local concerts, bar crawls, fairs, and farmer's markets are held. It's fucking adorable.

I'm currently in my favorite coffee shop, Noble & Main. Shaina and I have a ritual of going to a bagel shop down the street first, getting our breakfast, and then grabbing a table at the coffee shop and hanging out until she goes back home to work. We meet at 7 am. It works best for our schedules and it's something we can do regularly. I guess this is adulting.

Noble is a haven for me. Since this place opened, it's been a wonderful spot where I can escape, drink excellent coffee, and drown out the rest of the world. I love the owners, Madi and Justin. They're the kind of people that just make you happy.

Alright, let's stop rambling and avoiding the issue at hand. I need to get into a place where I'm writing daily again-for me. I am a copywriter (kind of -it's complicated) and I spend my time writing for work and my creativity feels dried up and I want to fall in love with writing again. So, in my 2,356,549,852 attempt to journal, I'm here to blog-ish. I'm using this space on the internet to put words on paper and hopefully fill the void and grow as a writer. I feel like a walking cliche and you know what? I'm ok with that.

My goal is to post every day whether it be journaling, a random piece of story, a poorly written poem, or just word vomit. This is a space where nothing matters and there are no rules.

What happens on the blog, stays on the blog....or something like that.

I digress, I'll end this post here and switch to a new one to tell my story. Well, one of them.

Bless

[tundralwhisper]

So, haven't been on this Hellsite in a while. Not like anyone had reason to notice, I don't do shit on here... or anywhere else, for that matter 🤷

Twitter was my main thing to scroll through, post on, comment on, etc. in the interim, 'cause most people I wanted to hear from are on twitter but not tumblr.

Twitter has become a hellsite in the bad way tho, so here I am, crawling back to the old void to scream at it once more.

If you scroll here, prepare for edgy, depressed, and nihilistic posts, interspersed with stuff about TTRPGs, Computer Science, and the occasional ramble about a piece of media I got really into all of a sudden.

Also, as for how to refer to me (please don't refer to me if you have a choice btw):

Whisp, He/him pronouns, that'll do it.

Have a great day, morning, or evening, and if it's nighttime, sleep better than I will :)

P.S.: whenever I post art or music or memes, assume I didn't make them and just don't know / lost the source unless I specifically say I made it

[empoleon]

i like to think leon would very much so enjoy horrible/cringe movies while raihan silently judges him but also gets invested in the horrible plots because he 1.) loves his boyfriend and will try to indulge in leon’s.. peculiar interests and 2.) he simply cannot believe these films are This Horrible and he must see how they end

[thewriterthatghostedyou]

Shadows and Scars

Chapter 17

Here is the long awaited chapter 17! I’ve been feeling really down lately but managed to finish this and am feeling better. I’ll try to post more frequently. (So I had this episode written a while ago but lost what I had written and had to rewrite it so that’s why it’s taken a while lol. Also, this chapter does contain non con smut (my first time writing it), but I purposely wrote it the way I did so that this chapter can be skipped if you are uncomfortable with non con. If you are not comfortable with it, please do not read this chapter.)

Trigger warnings: non con smut, smut, mind control, language, dark themes, pure filth

Banner made by maysdigitalarts

You had spent the whole day yesterday in bed, mourning the loss of your friend, and your own stupidity.

Aleksander had spent the majority of the day in his war room making plans for your inauguration into his guard and reviewing troop movements. The only time he had come back to see you was during lunch and dinner as he dined with you. You didn’t eat much, much to his displeasure, but he didn’t force you to eat more than you had wanted.

That night he had crawled into bed next to you and held you like a lover would. You didn’t sleep that night. Anya’s face, the only thing you saw when you closed your eyes. How she was dead because the darkling felt that he had some sick claim over you.

You didn’t cry that night. Not like you had the night before. Tonight you had just felt nothing. Only an ache that constantly sat in the pit of your stomach. You just laid there and stared.

The morning came too quickly, and Aleksander rose early with a carefree smile. He rambled about something you couldn’t force yourself to pay attention to, and sat up slowly.

Aleksander got ready quickly and after looking at you, furrowed his brow. “I’ll call for Genya.” He produced your kefta from his study and laid it on the bed next to you. “We don’t have ceremonies for new members, but I was thinking that the two of us could go for a ride later.” He gently said.

You shrugged slowly and took in your haggard appearance in the mirror. Your eyes were rimmed with redness and there were dark circles underneath them. Your hair was sticking up at odd ends and your face was puffy from crying.

“Or not.” He said sarcastically. “Darling, I'm trying to make this work.” He placatingly placed his hands on your shoulders and looked into your eyes.

You said nothing and his face twisted into a scowl. “I know I was a bit harsh the other day.” He continued, toying with the edges of your hair. “But this was always going to happen. The sooner you accept it, the sooner you can be happy.”

You felt anger appear again and scowled at him. “Happy?” You yelled, pushing him off of you. “How the hell can I be happy when Anya is dead because of you? When Ravka is split in half because of you? When I’m stuck here because of you?” With each ‘you’ your voice rose and you started to laugh hysterically.

Aleksander blinked in surprise at your outburst before scowling again. “Everything that I have done since we met has been in our best interests! In Ravka’s best interests! I understand you’re upset about your friend but perhaps you could show a little gratitude.”

You scoffed. “Gratitude? You’re fucking insane.” You hissed venomously at him. “What should I be thanking you for? Sending me through the fold? Killing someone who was the closest thing I ever had to a sister? Controlling me like a fucking puppet?”

“I could have killed you.” He said icily. “Back when you first came out of the fold, but I didn’t. I am the reason you have the abilities that you do and I am the reason you haven’t died yet. I saved you from dying that day years ago and now I’m the monster?”

“You should’ve let me die.” You said lowly. “Saved us both the trouble, and yes. You are a monster, you are everything the Lantslovs and the non grisha said you were.”

He straightened at that and his face went blank and void of emotion. You felt your body lock up as he slowly walked back towards you. “Darling, I haven’t even begun to be monstrous yet, but if that’s what you expect then that is what you’ll get.”

He smiled cruelly at you before shoving you back onto the bed and straddling your hips.

“What the hell are you-“ Your eyes widened as he ripped off your night shirt with one motion and caressed you softly.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this.” He said, leaning down to capture your lips in a bruising kiss.

You tried to move your arms, to push him off of you, but they stayed firmly at your sides. Panic started to cloud you as he fiddled with your pants and slid them off.

When he finally stopped the kiss to breathe, you started pleading. “Aleksander, please don’t do this.” You whispered desperately. “I’m sorry. I- I didn’t mean what I said I swear I was just mad!”

He just gave you a cruel smile as he ripped off your pants and underwear, fully exposing yourself to him.

He said nothing as he took in your trembling frame with an eager look before fiddling with his own pants and pulling them down to expose his cock, but still remaining clothed.

You felt yourself hyperventilate as he lazily ran his hands all over you. In an effort to look anywhere but at the man on top of you, you looked down and accidentally stared at his cock.

He chuckled as he gripped it and started to tease your folds with its tip, seemingly enjoying your little squeaks and protests.

He shushed you softly, as he started to sheath himself into you slowly. You felt your folds stretch in order to fit his wide girth as he fully pushed inside of you.

“Fuck.” He cursed. “Even better than I’d thought you’d be.” He grunted as you clenched around him tightly. “I bet you can feel all of me can’t you my love?” He laughed as you started to cry and looked anywhere but at him. Sure enough you could feel his whole length inside of you, as it brushed against your walls.

You flinched as he gripped your face tightly and yanked it over to face him and he looked at you with a proud smile. “You like it? Me having you split open on my cock? Huh?” He pulled out slowly, only leaving his tip inside and his usually well kept hair was falling into his face as he stared at you.

Instead of allowing you to answer, he thrusted into you with one fluid motion and started to move his hips. You silently screamed at the intrusion as his balls bounced against your clit in a way that made you see stars.

“I think you do.” He huffed out, starting to pick up speed until he was rutting into you roughly. “I'm gonna enjoy having my own whore around aren’t I?” He grunted and continued moving his hips. You felt a coil of pleasure start to build inside of you as he continued.

“Gonna have to have you suck me off in meetings.” His thrusts started to become more jerky as he neared his peak. “Saints, I wonder how good you taste.” He smirked as you unconsciously clenched around him even harder at that.

“Definitely gonna have to eat you out now.” His eyes shone as he reached his hand in between your thighs and rubbed your clit. “Can’t wait to hear you moan as my tongue’s inside of you.” The pleasure you had been fighting against began to overwhelm you at his words and you felt shame rise as he pleasured you.

You moaned at one particularly strong thrust and arched your back as you felt an orgasm quickly approach.

“That’s it my love, come around me, wanna feel your cunt squeeze me even more.”

You hated the situation you were in. The man on top of you, the power he held over you, and the pleasure he forced your body to take. But a part of you hated yourself as you surrendered to the bliss and came around him with a loud cry.

“Oh god.” You felt him slowly fuck you through your orgasm before fully shoving himself inside of you.

You didn’t even fully realize that the heat that was now inside of you was him cumming inside of you as much as he could, the pleasure that wrecked your body still flooding your mind.

Aleksander groaned above you as his cock emptied into you and memorized the blissed out look on your face.

Shivers ran up your spine as he pulled out slowly and shuffled over to your mouth. “Now open.”

You felt your mouth do as he wanted and he kneeled beside your head before smearing his cock on your face. “Do you want to see what you taste like?” You knew he wasn’t expecting an answer when he slapped his cock onto your cheek and groaned as he flicked his fingers.

You felt your tongue start to seek out his member and sensually licked his length. He shuddered as he controlled the motions of your tongue against him before slowly pushing into your mouth. He started to rock his hips against your face, as he tangled his hands in your hair. “That’s a good whore.”

You felt numb as he started to groan louder and thrusted harder into you. A loud noise came out of you as he went in deep enough to make you gag, but he continued his motions until a warm flooded down your throat and he ordered you to swallow. You did as best as you could, just trying to get this over with and not choke on him.

When he had finally pulled out of your mouth, he pressed small kisses to your neck before lying next to you and wrapping you into his warm embrace.

“Let that be a lesson my dear.” You curled in on yourself. “I can be much worse if you try to defy me.”

The effects of your orgasm started to wear off as he tucked his chin into the crook of your neck.

“I hate you.” You whispered softly, you knew he heard it when he chuckled into your neck.

“For now. But that’ll change. The years will pass and you’ll grow to love me. And if you try to find solace, I will strip away all that you know, all that you love, until you have no shelter but mine.”

[dienamights]

Ex’s and O’s | K.Bakugou

» Pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x Fem!Reader.

» Word count: 6.7K

» Genre: hurt/comfort, Smut MDNI, Prohero!au

» Summary: Its bad enough that you’re spending your ex-boyfriend’s birthday curled up in bed, wearing his merch, drinking away your sorrows, but what’s even worse is having your eardrums pierced by the blaring music upstairs at the party thrown just for him.

» Warning(s):  Smut 18+ MDNI please, hurt/comfort, mentions of alcohol, dubcon since reader is under the influence while getting dicked down, drunk sex, oral sex and fingering (female receiving, we getting fed tonight), one pussy slap lol, manipulation, unprotected sex (don’t be silly, wrap your willy)

» Author’s notes: Hello! aaaah I’m actually pretty excited about posting this fic! First of all, its Bakuhoe’s birthday! and what better way to honor it than to feed you all some good ol angst sprinkled in with some good dickin’ down. Its been years since I’ve written smut and I’m actually really fuckin proud of it, yet real nervous but I hope you enjoy! Secondly, this fic is a part of Bakugous Birthday Bash! I’m so excited to read everyone’s work, thank you everyone for holding this event and allowing my ass participate to create this with you all ♡ be sure to read everyone’s contributions, I know it’ll be more than amazing since everyone worked so hard!

Happy Birthday to our favorite King Explosion Murder♡♡

Lastly, I wanna thank everyone for their support and helping me reach 200 followers already! You guys are the cutest thing ever and I promise I’ll update more frequent the minute I’m out of uni late june fml, thank you @tteokdoroki for giggling with me when i wrote cock for the first time lol

» Masterlist | Requests

Rolling out of bed and flailing onto the floor as a start of your day ensures you that the following 24 hours will ultimately suck ass. Getting up and readying yourself for the day by looking through one of your cardboard boxes for your favorite Dynamight hoodie, the back of your mind keeps nagging you, trying to remind you of something buried deep in your subconsciousness, and you have half a heart to try and remember, because for some odd reason, you feel so fucking weary, as if the few steps from your bed to your bathroom are somehow now endless miles, almost making you breathe out in relief after finally reaching it.

And as you are making your coffee, that odd feeling keeps annoying you again, prodding at your brain to remember something, something. And ultimately, that's when your eyes fall to the counter. You knew this day was coming and you were dreading it for months, so as you look at the calendar on your kitchen counter, you frown, the quote of the day you always love reading so much long forgotten when your eyes fall on the date. 

“You’ve gotta be kiddin' me.” You mumble at the calendar on your counter hatefully with furrowed eyebrows, as if it would either reply or change its date, it doesn’t do either, and your lips curl downwards even further. As in immediate response, you pick up your phone, your coffee pot tossed aside as you dial the number of the only person you could think might help you right now.

“G’morning y/n -” you hear Kendo’s voice through your phone, and you honestly want to sob right then and there, but you hold yourself, barely and speak over her overly cheery voice first thing in the goddamn morning. “It's Kats- Bakugou’s birthday” you whimper at the slip up, being so used to the first name basis you were in with your now ex-boyfriend.

“Yeah, was kinda hoping you would’ve forgotten.” She sighs, tugging at her bangs and pulling back her phone to check the time. “Tell you what, I get off work in an hour, then I’m spending the day with you. I’ll get tequila, I know you love your shots.” 

“Ken, it's like 10 right now..” you can’t help but pout, having alcohol in your system as an escape to help you forget about the entire day still sounding better than the urge to cry and crawl into a hole, even if it's at the start of your day. “Y'know what? Get those gummy worms I like too.” “Bet.” you hang up with a sigh, moving back to the kitchen to sift through your bubble wrapped kitchen utensils, barely forcing yourself to prepare breakfast as to not have your liquor on an empty stomach.

You loathe the fact that you remembered his birthday, always reminded of him no matter how long ago since you’ve last seen him, being the center of the media’s attention for years as the number 6 hero in japan has its perks, well, in his case, but to you? Nothing but trouble and heartache as every channel you flip through plasters his face, whether it be about some big rescue mission he partook in or a new rumor about a potential lover to the explosive hero, followed by him almost attacking a reporter, yelling to them about ‘needing to mind yer goddamn business and keep my fuckin’ name outta your mouths’. Therefore, you opted long ago to stay away from the TV to avoid seeing him, his captivating rubies for eyes, covered by that goddamn mask you like to push up to his forehead, sweeping his bangs away and exposing his sweaty forehead that he bumps against yours as he makes love to you, still in his hero costume, all battered and dusty and so incredibly hot you have to- 

You grip your coffee mug tighter, almost to the point of breaking the handle off of it, placing it rather roughly onto the table before pushing your food away, appetite gone with the thought of whatever paradise you were thinking you were in before now long gone and never coming back, all because of you, of your action, of your mistake.

Kendo walks in with a bright smile on her face, as if her overly cheerful attitude will balance out the void you’re slowly but surely falling in. She shakes the bag of snacks in your face as you blink your eyes back into focus. Dragging your heavy feet across the floor to get to your kitchen to retrieve the shot glasses. Only kissing her cheek in thanks when you snatch away whatever it is she brought with her to lift your mood.

She eyes the boxes by your kitchen, the four placed haphazardly in your living room and the one you're using as a stool while filling your shot glasses, tongue sticking out to try and fill each one to the brim without spilling any on the new coffee table that she failed to notice before is still wrapped in bubble wrap that prevent any damage during the moving process.

“y/n…” you hum in response, a frown falling on your lips as the third glass spills a bit and the liquid pools on the plastic.

“Don't you think that you should’ve probably unpacked a while ago? Hasn't it been, what, five months?” 

“I didn't know you were gonna come here to harass me about my life choices, Kendo”

She flinches away, your tone venomous, almost feeling it as a slap to her face, before leaning in when she sees your eyes start to water.

“If I did, that just means it's true… that just means it happened, and I did the stupidest thing- you know what,” you wipe the few tears that managed to escape away with the sleeve of your sweater, looking down at the shots in front of you. “It, it doesn't matter anymore just- can I just drink and try to forget about how my life has gotten nothing but fucking worse since the day I left him?”

You questioned your worth that one time, that one time all those months ago. Thinking that by doing what you did and leaving, he’d drop everything and run behind you, chase after you and win you back, but he didn't, and as you sit surrounded by the evidence of how much of a failure you find out you are without him, you regret ever questioning it, ever questioning him. Because to you, living in denial was so much better than whatever hell this is.

So all you could think of is to just drown yourself in alcohol until your mind is too numb to think of the possibilities of how you could have avoided this, how you could’ve been a less of shitty person, and stop imagining how your life would be now if you just swallowed all your insecurities and just stayed. Despite the neglect, despite not being prioritized, because in some weird twisted way, those lies held you with warmth that you were never able to find after uncovering the ugly truth you’re living in right now. 

You lay on your living room floor, the alcohol swirling in your system and clouding your vision as you trace imaginary shapes in your ceiling, the voice of Kendo muffled as she rambles on and on about her day, the amount of outlaws she bitch slapped - a term she uses to get a laugh from you - and how she considers herself the unluckiest being in the whole world for having Monoma as a partner of all people, seriously contemplating who she should beat up first between him and the villains.

“Must be nice,” you voice, low and slow, scared of how Kendo would react to what you’re about to say, yet your intoxicated self unable to stop your mouth from uttering the words. “To have a purpose in life, to not be quirkless and lost like us.” your face twists in an ugly scowl at your ceiling, but mostly to yourself for putting a downer on whatever mood your friend is trying so hard to build, proven by the hitch of her breath before she enters your peripheral vision when she leans over you, all upside down and pouty.

“What’re you talki-” the shrill ringtone of her phone breaks you away from each other as she leaps to fetch it and silence the god forsaken thing by answering the call. “Battle Fist here, yes sir, I was partnered up with Phantom Thief for the patrol at area B, n-no sir I wasn’t informed.” Kendo breaths out in irritation, pinching the bridge of her nose as she starts tapping her feet aggressively on the floor, eyes falling onto yours when you look up at her all weary and sad, knowing what she would tell you once she hangs up. “That dumbass is gonna be the end of me I swear.” She crouches down to your level and kisses your forehead, promising to be back in the morning with hangover food, before she leaves and locks the door behind her. 

Now you’re left all alone, back aching from laying on the hardwood floor and eyes watering as you feel your loneliness eating you up inside, the god awful music thumbing loudly in your ears followed by the cheer of people as you-

Music?

You sit up abruptly, groaning at the dizziness of the swift movement as your hands fly to cover your ears, a failed attempt of ensuring your brain doesn’t begin to spill out from them, because of the loud voices, the bass shaking your entire fucking apartment by how strong it is, and you curse yourself for falling for the scheme the landlord pulled you in, paying half of the rent everyone did, just because you lived right below the penthouse that hosted the loudest parties in the area, 4 days out of the fucking week. 

The money hungry shameless bastard praised the apartment the minute it spiked your interest all those months ago, selling it so well you actually moved in the next week, anything to stop feeling like a burden to Kendo as you couch-surfed her apartment. Only to realize within that first week from your downstairs neighbors that he rents the penthouse to host parties of all sorts, and due to its location in the city, it was pretty popular, yet you didn’t have the money to move out again, nor the heart to concern your friend with your problems, as she was a hero with other responsibilities aside from taking care of your hopeless self.

So you get up, barely gathering yourself onto that elevator to tell off whoever the fuck will answer the door first to turn the music down. You pound the door with your fist repeatedly the minute you reach it, the door opening so suddenly you almost punch the man standing in front of you in the chest, the cool air created from the door cooling your warm cheeks as you squint at your victim for the day.

“Welcome!”

“Listen here, you buttfaced moron” you start to chew the person’s ear out, your sight blurring yet still able to notice how bright his hair is, how fiery and familiar it looks, and you’re certain you’ve seen it somewhere before. “I’m trying to drink away my regrettable life choices and cry over my ex-boyfriend, so if you would just turn down the-”

“y/n?” oh, that’s where. Your stomach drops as Kirishima looks down on you, the bright smile he flashed to whoever he was welcoming now dropped with his eyes almost bulging out at your presence, you both stand in silence, the boy unbuttoning the collar that suddenly feels like it has a chokehold on him while you cross your arms and hope the floor would swallow you a floor down back into the comfort of your home.

Kirishima basically is shutting down the second his eyes lay on you, breaking a sweat as your eyes never waver, despite how you fail to stay standing straight, what was he supposed to say? ‘Hey we’re throwing a birthday party for your ex-boyfriend because he's been feeling depressed from the day you dumped his ass’ ? No!  He wouldn’t do that to his friend, but what was he gonna say now?

Well, he didn’t have to really think about what to say to you, because his other friend didn’t hesitate to push him forward, slurring something along the lines of ‘lettin the hot ladies in so they can take a look at the prettier blond, aka moi’. In his moment of panic, the redhead stumbles forward, his cup slipping from the tips of his fingers and meeting its doom by the floor, whatever was filling it now staining your pants as you both look at the mess between you.

“Woah bro, we said you gotta get’er wet but not- '' Denki's cackle stops him from continuing whatever filth he was gonna spew out - thankfully - before his eyes drop down to your chest, or more like what was covering it. “Hey! You a Dynamight fan? Hey Bakuhoe, comere for a sec.” 

Dear God, move, for the love of all that's pure in this god forsaken world, move! Run!

All you could do is shake and breathe in short segments as your widened eyes meet his unamused ones, the garnets in his eyes glistening at your sight, he stands straight and so tall, suited up in his usual attire. Dressed for the occasion, words aren't able to describe his beauty. You try not to let your brain be dazzled by how incredibly handsome he looks. He is wearing a dress shirt, in the deep color of wine that complements his eyes, dress pants hugging his long legs, not to mention the open collar, and no tie. He looks like a long, lean Lothario. 

At that your eyes drop down to the floor, specifically the now stained carpet, your hands wrenching the end of your hoodie to distract yourself from the piercing rubies that haunts your dreams.

You build up some courage, enough of it to lift your head to continue what you came here to do, so you open your mouth, and drop a few IQs while you’re at it. “The m-music is loud and m’tryin’ to sleep,'' you mumble, noting how Kirishima leans down to make up the words you are saying over the sound of the blaring music while Bakugou narrows his eyes at you as if disregarding his sight will make him hear you better. “So, if you could turn down the heat, that’d be,” 

“You squiffed?” The blond grunts, leaning his face close to yours to inspect it, and he catches a whiff of alcohol in your breath, his eyebrows furrowing at your response. “No I'm not squinting-” 

“Yeah you’re drunk alright,” he huffs at your less than intelligent reply, pushing his glass of whiskey - you figure since it's always been his drink of choice - against Kirishima’s chest, telling him to lower the fucking volume and grabs you by your bicep. “C’mon, I’ll take you home.” you stumble at the force used against you, no matter how weak it actually is, before you barely straighten yourself to push his hand away. “I can walk down all by myself, thank you.” Of course you’d expose where you live, you dumbass.

He doesn’t question your integrity, just continues to basically drag you to the elevator before pushing your apartment door open when you choose your floor, irked to find your misplaced trust in the people of the complex by not locking your door after leaving. He barges into your bedroom and tells you to change out of your fucked up pants and proceeds to saunter to your kitchen to get you water, eyeing the boxes that he comes across during that small trip.

He stands awkwardly by the door when he sees you standing in the middle of the bedroom, sifting through countless moving boxes with your pants on the floor, thrown next to a pile of clothes that he can only assume that its supposed to be your laundry ‘basket’, until you opt against wearing any since you can't seem to find anything to replace them. And when he asks you if you just moved in, his expression sours when you shake your head no and explain to him that you’ve been living for months in this space, after chugging that cup of water like you’ve been parched for days.

“Birthday party?” You ask out of the blue as you play with the strings of your hoodie, your ears perking up at the confirmation hum you receive. “Hmm, thas’cool… I-I guess.” 

Bakugou’s impassive as he gently pushes you onto your bed, eyes meeting yours as he covers you up with your blanket. “Get some rest, I’m leaving.” He said, slowly stalking away from you and barely reaching your door as your big mouth talks on its own. Your body sitting up and facing his retreating back.

“That's what you always do, you always leave”, you utter and you see him stiffen his shoulders before he spins to face you, so fast you almost want to check up on him about getting a whiplash.

“Hah?” it's one syllable, but it shakes your very core, that one sound making you almost shake, overwhelmed by the amount of emotions, the amount of pain that one sound has. He steps closer to your bed, the stomps of his feet sounding like gun shots in your ear, and you pathetically lift up the blanket to cover yourself up, cowering behind it like it's some pseudo shield that might protect you from him.

“I’m the one that leaves?” he growls at you, his eyes sizing you up when you react to his forceful approach, leaning back to look down on you, but his lips are still curled in a frown, he tries to hold himself from blowing up at you, his feelings oddly enough still raw in his chest the moment he lay eyes on you the first time since you left, threw him away and walked away, probably finding someone better, probably finding someone who you tolerated, unlike himself, but when he sees you straighten up your back to rebuttal him, an automatic response to whenever he raised his voice at you from all those years ago, he knows he is in for a fight. 

He snarls when you nod at him, your eyes hard and glaring up at him, not knowing that your silence is by your better judgement since you don't trust your voice, knowing it’ll fail you, probably crack and show him how much he actually is affecting you by his closed off posture and demeaning look down at your frame.

“Real fuckin’ rich of ya, y/n.” He snaps back, his hands brought up to his hair, tugging at it. “As if you didn’t pack your shit,” he kicks at yet another cardboard box fucking spewed in your room, noting its heavy weight when it didn't move but an inch by his action. “Dropped your keys by the fuckin’ door,” as an emphasis, he throws your apartment key at you, making sure it doesn’t actually hit you, but falls onto your lap. “And left. Without a single fuckin’ word, like I'm some lowlife who didn't deserve an explanation, like I didn't deserve anything! And-” that hurt, goddamn it. 

Exhaling deeply, he focuses on how your eyes look a little less glossed over, a little more sober, but holding fear, and he almost steps back and out when he looks at how you’re fighting tears, almost wanting to bust his own kneecaps than to see you like this, always wanting nothing for you but to be happy, to never upset about anything no matter how small it might be.

Then why did you leave him? Left him to drown by his lonesome self, waves of his insecurities and sorrow crashing into him, pulling him even further down to his inevitable doom.

Despite the fact that you both yearn for each other, long to feel one another, engulf yourselves in the others presence. You both stand your ground, eyes glaring despite the emotions hidden behind them, mouths shut and curled into ugly scowls regardless of the words you wish to speak to each other, whispers of promises into each other's ears about being together forever, in spite of not knowing what the future holds.

Bakugou breathes out again, recalling all those months worth of coping mechanisms to exercise when placed in anger inducing situations like this one, the time in therapy spent to better himself, to control himself, to be the best version of himself, for you, hoping that one day you’ll pity him enough to want to come back, knowing full well he would never hold a grudge against you and welcome you back with open arms, intending to never repeat whatever it is he did that made you think of him as so unbearable you couldn't spent another day with him.

You on the other hand, are barely holding in the tears, wanting him to just leave your sight, so you can go back to the world of denial where he didn't look like straight out of a magazine, looking as captivating as always, as if your absence did not have an effect on the hero, of course it wouldn't, why would a quirkless extra have an effect on the great Katsuki Bakugou, that's what he used to call them, right?

“Just leave, Bakugou-” his ears pick up the way your voice breaks at his name, the way you utter it sounds so horrendous, because you aren’t meant to call him Bakugou, you’re meant to call him Katsuki, Katsu, Suki, your Suki. Not- “I hate you.”

The room suddenly spirals. The floor panels misalign themselves into zigzags. Bakugo’s eyes shatter like a glass window. He tries to hold himself against the tears that threaten to fall, stomach wrenching as if reaching from inside of his body, but it’s useless. He brings his hand up close to his chest and sinks his head, letting the words overtake him.

Oblivious to his internal struggle, you pile whatever courage you have left in another attempt to ask him to leave, aware that your body wouldn’t aid you in pushing him away physically, you open your mouth, only to gasp after a moment of silence when he pounces on you and grabs you by the neck, sliding a hand behind your head and leaning your face impossibly closer to his “you fuckin’ hate me? show me you hate me then,”

Then he's pressing his lips against yours, your half foggy mind all too surprised by the flow of motion you can only try to keep up with his feverish kisses, you try to pull away, to push him away, to no avail, Bakugou only stopping his assault on your lips to growl at them again “Show me then, hah?” 

But he wouldn't even let you, his grasp on your neck loosening to circle around your back to push you to him even more. His kisses get more and more aggressive, trying his best to show you how much he was hurt by what you said, by what you did, after all this time, almost begging you to not let him have to voice out whatever he’s feeling because he would do so much of a worse job than he is doing now.

The hands you placed on his chest in a failed attempt to push him away are now just placed over his pecs, welcoming their warmth and the way they flex under your touch, your right hand clenching over where his thumping heart is, and he almost sighs in relief, the movement feeling like it holds together all the broken pieces of his heart to make it whole again.

Almost like that gesture calmed him down, Bakugou’s rough touches start to soften, very caring as they glide to your hips before sliding underneath your - oh my God it's your special edition Dynamight hoodie! His amused chuckle tickles your lips as he pulls away when he feels you stiffen at the realization, barely letting you breathe in ease until he places his lips against your ear. “Love how m’still the only one sprawled over yer tits.”

“But I still want the real thing, lemme see ‘em, hm?” And just before throwing a dumb retort and embarrasing yourself even further, the article is tugged eagerly off of your body and thrown haphazardly on the floor. Earning yourself a low whistle when he realises you’re wearing nothing underneath. Bakugou all but shoves you onto the bed, spreading your legs when you try to rub them against each other for any friction, wedging his body neatly between them as his teeth gently bite your soft buds, pulling them slightly before captivating the nipple entirely.

His tongue flicks against your hardening nipple while keeping a watchful eye at the sinful expressions your face makes, his one hand toying with and twisting the other nipple while the other slides down to tease your needy cunt, pressing his fingers against your -fucking soaked- panties, swearing under his breath at the feeling of your walls trying to clench around his fingers just from that one movement. Sitting on his haunches, he lifts your hips with ease to pull your panties right off, eyes travelling between your heaving chest and your exposed pussy. Before lowering himself and finding comfort in biting and sucking your nipples again.

Bakugou’s smirk grows with your moans as his tongue dances over your sensitive nipples, he presses his finger against your walls, and you immediately keen at the prodding feeling that almost feels foreign after all this time apart. His thumb pushing your pussy lip to the side to see you suck his finger in like the good girl he knew you always were.

“Ba-ba-ba,” you struggle to talk, your drool collecting at your lips, stopping you from forming any words as you feel a breeze hit your spit covered tits, whining at the feeling and wanting him to pull your nipples in the warm cavern of his mouth again. Bakugou’s eyes focus on the spit line connecting his bottom lip to your nipple before disconnecting it to smash his lips against yours in an effort to shut your blabbering up.

“Ba-ba, what? y’better not be callin’ me Bakugou with my fingers deep in yer pussy baby, its Katsuki for you, yeah?” he taunts with a fake pout that immediately turns into a grin at the way you hold your pathetic sobs, pressing another finger in your tight cunt, reveling in the wet sounds your pussy makes as he thrusts his fingers in and out of it, soaking his fingers in your slick as he curls them, eager to hear the squelching sounds it would make when his cock is shoved deep inside you. “Or better yet, lemme hear you say Suki, hmm?”

“Suki- p-please, eat me out” you throw your head back and bring your hands down to play with your clit, showing him where you want his lips to be, as if the blond doesn't already know where it is, and he scoffs at the thought, slapping your hand away and giving another slap to your clit, earning a moan from you from the sharp pleasurable pain.

“Yea, yea I fuckin’ know already, needy slut,” he growls, keeping eye contact as he circles your clit with his tongue before sloppily eating out your cunt, making a mess of both drool and your arousal, mumbling “my needy slut.” to himself, and you do hear it, yet you brush it off with the thought that your lust must be messing with your brain.

Your chest still flutters at his words and your walls clench in on his fingers as he curls them again in a way you didn’t know would make you yelp like it did. He thrives off of how your body responses so easily to him, your back arching and the squelching getting louder as his fingers pick up speed, his tongue so skillful in drawing circles around your clit before sucking it again. A whine escapes you when he draws his head away from you, only for you to see the way his eyes darkens, his chin glistening from your arousal when it catches the light.

“Let go for me princess,” he whispers uncharacteristically, making you question if the glint in his eyes is from his desire for you or something else. “Lemme see you fall apart for me, alright?” the way he’s almost begging you to come undone for him takes you by surprise, and your body curls in on itself so fast, not realizing your orgasm was creeping up on you until it hits you. The knot in your stomach breaks as you gush around his fingers, white crossing your vision as he slows his pace to help you come down from your high. 

Your shuddering body lays on your bed, eyes unwavering as they meet Katsuki’s, his fingers stuffed in his mouth as he moans around them at your taste. It's all a blur after seeing that unravel, and you’re so woozy that you don’t register him discarding his clothes until he lays above you. Placing himself between your legs as he pumps his cock, hardened from seeing you fall apart on his tongue and fingers, his tip leaking precum and burning a bright red.

His movement is almost too quick for you as he dips his head into your leaking hole before pulling right back, a breathless chuckle escaping him when you whine and roll your hips and try to suck him in again, wanting to feel the stretch of him inside of you.

“Didja wanna say somethin’ princess?” he taunts you, one of his hands holding you down by your stomach while the other is wrapped around his length, teasing you in the ways that he knows drive you crazy, he leans in, using the tip of his cock to spread your pussy lips open and running it along your slit to coat it with your arousal.

“Katshu, p-please I-” you hiccup, your fists tightening on your bed sheet as you try to rock your hips up get more than just his leaking tip, but your begging is always interrupted when he isn't hearing what he wants you to say.

“Say you love me.”

You freeze at his demand, your widening eyes looking up at him before you pout your lips, not thinking about surrendering to him, no matter how much you want your cunt stuffed full of him right now.

“I don’love yooou-” you gasp as katsuki’s grip onto your waist tightens and you feel as he gives a thrust into your sopping cunt, arching your back at the burning stretch of being filled up by his thick cock. Katsuki’s hand traces down your left thigh before cupping behind your knee, hiking your leg up and out, close to your chest to expose more of yourself to him, wanting nothing more than to see his dick seething in and out of your tight pretty pussy, and by almost muscle memory, you did the same thing with your right leg, replacing his hands with your own, presenting yourself to him.

“Y’see that? Fuckin’ know you like the back of m’hand, y’think someones gonna- ah, take the fucking time to work you like I did?” he's right, absolutely right, he ruined you for any other potential lovers and he loved it with every fiber in his being, knowing this means you’re always going to be wrapped around his finger. You moan as he pushes more of himself into you, bottoming out and holding one of your tits and squeezing when he feels your walls do the same to his cock.

You hate it, after all this time, you’re still a blubbering mess the second he was one fucking inch deep in your pussy, sucking him in and clawing at his back begging for more. No self respect, no dignity, you hate it, how come after all this time he gets to come here and fuck you like you belong to him, like you’ve belonged to him despite everything that has happened.

You only realize that your eyes are closed when Katsuki’s breath hits your face, and you open them wide, noting how wet your lashes have gotten from your tears, only for him to kiss at the tears gliding along your right temple and licking the ones on your left. He breathes out a chuckle and when he leans to look at your eyes, the humor and menace you expect to see in his eyes are nowhere to be found, clouded by a solemn look instead.

“What? Yer cryin on me now, huh? Y’think a few tears are stoppin’ me?” His voice is masked so well, because he sounds like he was simply enjoying a game, like an imp that had branched from a demon. “C’mon, not gonna tell the birthday boy you love’em?”

“I don't love you, I hate you, h-hate you-” you keen as drool pools at your lips, your body betraying you as it shakes from pleasure, letting go of your legs to wrap them around his slim waist, to bring him in closer, if that was even possible, stopping his deep thrusts that were brushing up against your cervix, it feels pathetic, denying him the pleasure of telling him you love him while clinging onto him like he's your last breath of fresh air, because in a way, you feel like he is, like him leaving would just collapse your lungs and stop your heart from beating, you know that he’s gonna leave you. While your spent body would lay on your bed and you'd cry because you didn't tell him you love him, yet you wouldn’t ask him to stay, knowing deep down that you don't deserve it, you don't deserve him.

You feel his weight on top of you as he rests his elbows by your head, his lips brushing against your ear as he repeats again with every shallow thrust into your warm insides, his cock twitching from time to time in your walls. “You love me.” he says it once, twice, thrice. Every time his voice lowers more and more to a broken whisper, almost a plea instead of the cocky taunt he started off with.

Your legs are starting to ache from the grip they have around him, so you loosen up, your mind easy since his thrusts haven’t been rough nor painful. And when you do, you notice two things immediately, first, your thighs are so soaked from how he's making you feel, probably ruining your bedsheet at this point, second, he pushed his chest away from yours to look you directly in the eyes, one hand molding around your thigh to keep it from wrapping around him again while the other is placed on your stomach, his thumb inching closer and closer to your clit, wanting to toy with it, toy with you, but not ready to give you any satisfaction until you admit to him, please just tell him, that you do still love him. All insecurities, all battle scars, all emotional constipation as layers he covers himself with, that no one gives a fuck to peel off, to see who he really was, except you.

His red eyes lock onto yours as your chest heaves with breathless sobs at the lost of his warmth, and when you think he's lowering himself back down, he pulls out suddenly, sending a  shiver down your spine as you gasp, now feeling like you're frozen over, your tears coming from lack of both pleasure and warmth.

Suddenly your face is met with the pillow and you feel his hands on your hips as he lifts them up and off the bed, your half intoxicated, half aroused mind barely registering that you’ve been flipped over on your stomach until you feel his cock prodding at your cunt, easily sliding in like they’ve been made to be warmed up in there, when you know Katsuki would argue that your pussy was made just for him and to warm his dick.

He presses his chest against your back, pushing you onto the bed as he thrusts his hips roughly, pulling out fully before seething himself right back in, your moans and whimpers muffled by your pillow from being pushed down by his hand as his other holds your hips firmly. 

Then what happened next probably shocked him more than you, despite how delirious you’ve become due to his relentless thrusting, his dripping tears feel cool on your bare warm shoulder, one by one as his groans and moans turn into strangled sobs, before Katsuki digs his teeth into that shoulder, to both hear you scream and to muffle his cries from you. 

“because I love you” he sobs, detaching his teeth from their grip and kissing the bite marks before resting his forehead against it, but his thrusts never cease, getting sloppier, as if the confession is pushing him off the edge. Dragging the tip of his nose from your bitten and bleeding shoulder to the back of your ear, his own face flush and warm against you as he breathes harshly against your ear and kisses along it.

“So-” he moans again, the hand behind your neck now turning your face so he could see your fucked out expression, the tears streaming down your face and the drool that pools under your cheeks, with your tongue lolled out and your eyes barely focusing on his form.

“You better say you do too, becau-”

“I love you.” you gush, like saying it is a breath of fresh air, your eyes never leaving his teary ones, your gaze so intense and fixated on him with no regards to the way the snapping of his hips against yours is shaking your entire body against the bed. 

With new found vigor from your confession, Katsuki grabs onto the meat of your ass, hammering into you from behind with force that pushes you against the bed even further, your pulled hair jerking your head back so he can listen to the lewd noises you are making, long forgotten the will to cover your pleasure and hiding your moans.

Your ass heavily slaps against his thighs as he grabs your hips with both hands and pounds into your sopping wet cunt, relishing in the way you’re begging for him. “Y’like it when I fuck you baby, hmm? Like it when I stuff you so fuckin’ full of me?” He growls, feeling you push your ass back every time you repeat ‘yes’ to his questions. “Yes, yes love it, love you, please please don’t stop, please ‘Suki. Yes, gonna cum ‘Suki please” you weep, your head pounding from the grip he had on your hair and your eyes crossing as you feel his thrusts stutter, getting sloppier when you bounce your ass against him, his hand coming down and slapping it.

“That's fuckin’ right, cum on this cock, c’mon baby” he brings four of his fingers to rub your clit with urgency, and you can’t help but arch your back as your orgasm hits you again, screeching as you feel your walls tightening on him, squeezing him for what he’s worth. “F-fuck ah, y-you’re so- Fuck” his heavy weight falls on you as he fills you to the brim with his milky seed, forehead pressed against your shoulder as he rocks his hips against you, pushing more of his load inside before slowly pulling out, gaze flutters down to where your bodies were once joined, seeing your mixed arousal seeping out of your hole and he has half a mind to push it back in with his fingers.

But he flips you over effortlessly, the sight of your crossed out eyes and wet cheeks squeezing his chest at the realization he might’ve been too rough on you, so he wipes your cheek with the palm of his hands and revels in the way you lean towards him, turning your face to kiss his palm. “Say it again.” barely a whisper, as you flip his hand and kiss the back of it as well, and he almost repeats himself, thinking you didn’t hear him, but your hands reach up and cup his face, bringing him towards you. “I love you Katsuki” and goddamn if that wasn’t the most beautiful thing you’ve ever spoken. “Again,” “I love you, Katsuki” “Again,” you giggle, and he knows that's probably what angels sound like.

Your thumb brushes over his warm cheeks, red from showing vulnerability, and you pull him even closer, “Happy birthday, ‘Suki.”

“Yea,” He breaths out, his lips barely brushing against your bitten and bruised ones. “It really fuckin’ is.”

aaaaaaaaah! Hope you enjoyed it! Lemme know what you think of the smut, I also changed my writing style from past tenses to present tenses or tried to at least

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