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mauvecherie-writes · 7 days

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endless melodies: l.hamilton

part: [i] [ii] [iii] iv

pairing: lewis hamilton x fem!oc;jamilah riley

genre: smau romance x full chapters

summary: an impromptu studio session leads to tensions rising

tags: 18+, mentions of past cheating, corny flirting, making out.

w.c: 2.4K

reading list: @queenshikongo3 @dhlfastestlap @saintslewis @serpenttines-library @hopefulromantic1 @cocobutterqwueen @bluesole16 @chaneajoyyy @melodichaeuxx-lacritquexx @sapphireheaven @olyvoyl @lewisroscoelove @lh44adore @hellomadamebutterfly @scorpiobleue @qveenmelanink @tremendousstarlighttragedy @angelinaevans @bekindbecoolbeyou @greedyjudge2 @itsapurrfectstorm @createdbylivingclocks @samiwzx @omgsuperstarg @peyiswriting @miyuhpapayuh @blowmymbackout @purplelewlew

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jamilah.riley

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jamilah.riley Quit vapes - start Smoking on my Ex Pack instead. #OUTNOW

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userriley Oh you came in HOT guuurrrll !! This is tew good!

rileygirlie I’d be scared if I was that guy right now. My sister is not playing around!

user17 PUUURRRR !!!! This is the Jamilah we needed! You handled that shit!

jwellerfan You’re such a loser.

⤷rileyryder44 I’d rather be a LOSER than be a CHEATER liked by jamilah.riley

raye They could never make me hate you!

⤷jamilah.riley raye my sister for life

lewishamilton 🔥🔥🔥 liked by jamilah.riley

stormzy Cmonnnn!! Fire in the booth!

⤷user379 stormzy isn’t Jackson Weller your friend?

⤷user82 user379 Being friends with someone doesn’t stop you from approaching good music!

amalriley been on repeat all day!

⤷jamilah.riley amalriley so real

thatgirljodie you didn’t whack him enough for me idk

⤷jamilah.riley thatgirljodie I’ll try my best next time!

It was early afternoon and Jamilah was having a rare day off and she was loving the initial reactions to her surprise drop. Smokin on my Ex Pack was written and recorded the day Jackson posted on Instagram the picture of him and his new girlfriend.

She knew, she’d always known that he was cheating on her. Her intuition had never done her wrong and when he started to change, she knew something was up. He wouldn’t touch her anymore, he wouldn’t kiss anymore, he wouldn’t communicate anymore, he barely wanted to spend time with her and the times that he was around her, Jackson always had his face in his phone.

The last straw for Jamilah was when Jackson started wearing a friendship bracelet with ‘ I love you from V’ on it. She asked him where it was from and he told her that a fan had given it to him as a gift. At the time, she didn’t question it - she also has a box full of friendship bracelets from fans but that all changed when she was visiting him on set and Vanessa had the identical bracelet.

She broke up with him the same day.

Jackson tried to fight against it but Jamilah stood her ground. It fucking hurt and it sucked to go through that and is still trying to heal with the loss of that relationship. However she was far happier now that it was over, she was moving on and her music was better than ever.

Then Jamilah thought back to the previous week to her chance encounter with Lewis. And it brought a smile to her face. He was far more devastatingly handsome in person and it rattled her quite a bit. She knew that she had a crush but the way she reacts to Lewis was a little out of bounds for her.

She wasn’t going to try and understand her feelings with him now. All she knew was that she liked him and he makes her feel good. The rest can be analysed later.

As she settled down on her couch, her phone began to ring. As if fate was reading her thoughts, it was Lewis calling. They had finally switched numbers at the end of the party last week and the conversations continued. They were a little less now because he was preparing for the beginning of the new Formula One season.

A bright smile was on her face as she answered his call.

“Princess.” He glanced at the camera with a smile before he leaned back into the seat of the car. Jamilah giggled as she rested her head on her hand as she looked into the camera as he was fixing his cap.

“Hi, Lewis.” She smiled.

“How are you? How’s your day been?”

“It’s been pretty eventful.”

“I bet. That surprise drop really shook some tables huh.”

“Something like that.”

“It had me thinking.”

“Tell me.”

“Let me start by asking, are you free today?”

“Yeeesss why?” She dragged out her answer.

“Good. I’m booking us a recording session. I’ll pay for everything but your song really inspired me to just get back into the studio and work on some music.”

“Music that’s not going to be released?” Jamilah raised her eyebrow as she watched Lewis laugh and roll his eyes.

“Let’s not focus on that right now. We talked about us working on some things together and I want to start now.”

“You’re very persistent. Has anyone ever told you that.”

“I’ve been told.” He smirked as he licked his lips. “But don’t act like you don’t want this too.”

Jamilah rolled her eyes. “Whatever, just tell me which studios we’re going and I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“None of that Princess, I’ll come and pick you up. We can get something to eat and drink on the way there.”

“Oouu, I’m feeling spoiled. Free session and food? You know how to really charm a lady don’t you.”

“Just you.” He winked at the screen. “Send me your address, I’ll be there to pick you up in no time.”

“Fine.” She chewed on her lip as she tried to stop herself from smiling. She shared her address with him before they said their goodbyes.

Jamilah jumped up from the couch and ran to her bedroom to freshen up. She had about 30 minutes to spare before Lewis arrived at her doorstep. Jamilah jumped to her feet and rushed to her bedroom to freshen up. She changed from her current loungewear and into. matching black tracksuit and spritzed some of her perfume. She brushed her eyebrows and applied her lip balm before popping a piece of chewing gum into her mouth before preparing her bag.

Laptop, songbook, headphones, chargers and anything else that she needed. The rest that couldn’t come to mind, Jamilah was sure that Lewis would have.

By the time she was completely ready, a knock came to her door. She had nervous flatters in her stomach as she anticipated seeing Lewis again.

Jamilah opened the door and there he was. Standing at the same level, she could see his eyes and the smile on his face when she opened the door even wider, even though most of his face fact was hidden by his signature cap.

“Hey, you.” He softly said. There was just something about the tone of his voice that had her smiling.

“Hi.” Jamilah replied as she stepped out of her townhouse. Once the door was locked, she turned her back around and gave him a hug. All of her belongings were in the way but they managed to figure it out. Lewis chuckled as he wrapped his arms around her waist as hers went around his neck.

She couldn’t help but sniff him - it was almost a reflex at this point. Jamilah couldn’t help herself, he always smelt so good and she was quickly becoming addicted to it.

“Did you just sniff me?” Lewis asked with a tone of laughter in his enquiry.

Jamilah blushed in embarrassment as she pulled away from his embrace. “You smell good.” She sheepishly admitted as she fixed her hoodie back into place.

Lewis chuckled as he took her bags away from her and carried them.

“Now I gotta keep smelling good.”

“For lil old’ me?”

“If it keeps you sniffing me? I’ll make sure that my sweat smells like the freshest river and lakes.”

“Oh my god!” Jamilah groaned as she rolled her eyes and pushed him towards the gates out of her townhouse.

Lewis walked in front of her, leading her to the parked car. He seemed to scout the area before he stepped to the side and let Jamilah enter into the truck first. It was a move that she was used to. Kensington was a hotspot for paparazzi but with the time of day that it was, it was pretty chill but Jamilah still wasn’t sure.

On the way to the studio, they stopped by Tesco for some snacks but it was Lewis’s bodyguard that walked into the store with their list.

“Which studio did you book?” Jamilah asked.

“Abbey Road.” Lewis replied as she scrolled through his phone. His nonchalance shocked her back into the seat.

“Did you just say Abbey Road?!” She exclaimed.

“Yes.” Lewis laughed, “why?”

“We’re only going to be there for a few hours at least.”

“I go there all of the time when I’m in touch and I don’t want people at my place.”

“Oh you’re rich, rich.” Jamilah giggled which caused him to smirk. “Might just keep you around as I work on this album.”

“What am I to you? A bank?!”

“You might as well be. I’m seeing that you have a pension for spending money on your people.”

“You classify yourself as my people now?”

“I’m bulldozing into your life as you are mine, so yes.” She smiled at him.

“You’re not wrong.” Lewis replied hitting her with that smouldering gaze of his as he licked his lips. Now Jamilah’s feelings were going array. She loved the way that he made her feel - not even Jackson had ever made her feel like this.

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jamilah.riley posted 10 minutes ago

When they arrived at the studio, they quickly set up their working stations and thankfully they got to working. Their energies were in sync so their ideas naturally bounced off each other and in the process, they started working on a song together. Lewis worked on synthesising the beat whilst Jamilah worked on the lyrics.

“Hey, come listen to this. I build it up from a beat I worked on. I fixed it to have to have a style similar to yours.” Lewis called her over and she got up from the couch and walked closer to him. He got up from the seat to let her sit down. Lewis stood next to her as she put the headphones and pressed play.

He watched as her head swayed side to side with her eyes closed. Her face scrunched up when the beat dropped which caused him to smile.

“Oh this is good! I love it!” Jamilah grinned as she turned to face him.

“Yeah?” Lewis smiled as he watched her take the beat in.

“Yeah! We can absolutely work with this. I already have some lyrics in mind for this.” Jamilah got back to her bag and took out her lyrics book. She flipped through the pages until she arrived at a page that had unfinished lyrics. Lewis had come closer to her and she could feel his warmth around her. She tried to not let his presence affect her but when his breathing was what she could feel on her neck as he looked over her shoulder into her book.

“My waterfall, I’ll make it overflow. Make you forget about all them hoes.” Lewis read out loud her written words and then chuckled. “Do those lyrics hold the truth?”

Jamilah gasped at his question as she rushed to her close her book and turned to face him.

“You can’t ask me that.”

“I’ll find out soon enough.” He smirked. Jamilah pushed him away as she tried not to blush.

“You’re a trip.” She rolled her eyes as she tried not to pay too much attention on the fact that he was holding onto her hand and pulling her towards him.

“You like it though.” He replied as he dropped their hands from his chest to their side.

“I don’t know why I do. Any other person would have been cussed out.”

“I’m not like other people.” Lewis boasted about himself. His statement causes a small smile to draw on her face.

“No you’re not.” She whispered. Jamilah then felt his thumb caressing the hand he was still holding. The feel of his touch sent shivers down the length of the spine and caused her breath to softly shudder.

Then his finger hooked onto her chin and turn her head back towards his. And the way that he was looking down at her was leaving her flustered, squirming as she stood.

“You look like you want to kiss me.” She whispered as she licked her lips.

“I do want to kiss you.” He answered. As she looked up at him, she felt his fingers dig into her jawline and the slight sting had Jamilah biting into her bottom lip.

“Then kiss me.”

Lewis didn’t waste any time before he leaned down and claimed her mouth. Jamilah let out a soft whimper as their lips moved in a slow, sensual rhythm. His hand moved from her chin and down her body until they settled on the small part of her back and pulled her closer.

When his other hand came to her waist, he changed the pace of the kiss. It lost the tenderness from the beginning as the kiss became more passionate and more smouldering as his hands began to explore as much of her body as he could.

Lewis bent forward slightly as he cupped her ass in his hands and then picked her up so that her legs wrapped around his waist. He walked towards the couch and sat down with her in his lap. Their lips didn’t part as she settled her thighs on either side of him.

Jamilah cupped her cheeks as the kiss deepened, sucking his bottom lip into her mouth. Lewis groaned into their kiss as his hands squeezed on her hips and stilling the slight movement of them on his lap. She giggled yet again when she felt his hardness slightly pushing against her inner thigh.

“Is that what I think it is?” She mumbled as she played with his short beard.

“I don’t want to think about right now.” Lewis mumbled. “Let’s focus on the fact your lips are so soft and I could kiss you until my last breath.”

“Do you ever stop being corny?”

“When it’s you involved, never.” Jamilah hated the way her cheeks warmed up to his words. He leaned forward and bumped his nose against hers.

“You know long I’ve been wanting to kiss you for?”

“Since the party?”

“No. I was scrolling on your Instagram and you had posted this picture of you looking cute as hell and I just kept staring at your lips. I’ve wanted to know what they felt like since.”

“Oh you’ve been plotting for time huh.” Jamilah smirked as she licked her lips, bringing the taste of him back into her mouth.

“This was just phase one.” He mumbled as he pulled her closer, wanting to feel more her heat on him.

“What’s phase two?” She grinned as she wrapped she arms around his neck.

“Stick with me and you’ll find out.” Lewis said as he leaned in for another kiss.

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ru’s letters 💌: I had most of this sitting in my drafts but I got so busy and sidetracked. I’m trying to get back to it. Starting with the posting of this. Please comment, reblog and like. Love you all 🩷

#mauvecherie writes #endless melodies series #lewis hamilton x jamilah riley #lewis hamilton smau #lewis hamilton x black oc #sir lewis hamilton #lewis hamilton #lewis hamilton x black reader #lewis hamilton x reader #lewis hamilton fanfiction #lewis hamilton fic #lh #lewis hamilton smut

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melobin · 8 months

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✧ zb1 + breeding kink ✧

✧ zb1 boys, jiwoong, hao, hanbin, matthew and taerae with breeding kinks ✧

✧ Warnings - breeding, unprotected sex, cursing, mentions of pregnancy, praise, degradation, eye contact, dacryphilia, choking, mentions of idol and reader as a dom, sub and switch.

ricky and gyuvin ver

✧ jiwoong

he’s obsessed. there’s something about pressing himself deep inside of you and letting his cum fill you up that excites jiwoong, not to mention the sight of it dripping out of you afterwards. the nights he spends fucking you and cumming inside of you are often endless, his self restraint flies away the moment he hears you whimper for him to cum inside of you, the way you squeeze around him and cry out when you feel him fill you up makes him want to do it over and over again. so he does. simply the sight of your cunt soaked with his cum and your body flushed from his previous actions have him aching for more, he doesn’t just feel the need to fill you with his cum but he feels the need to breed you, claim you in anyway that he can and doing something as intimate and filthy as filling you up to the brink is his favourite way of doing so. by the time you’re finished, everything’s a mess, he’s fixated on the way his cum drips out of you onto your bedsheets and the way you’re shaking from being overstimulated so much. there is a slight chance he’d lose complete control and lean in to lick at your clit, curiosity getting the better of him and a groan leaving him at the taste of your cum mixed together. jiwoong isn’t afraid to be messy, especially when he gets to fill you with him cum.

✧ hao

breeding with hao is something that comes unexpectedly, it’s never planned but it does happen, usually during the nights that he decides to be harsher with you. hao can easily be the sweetest guy you’ve ever been with, but he can also be the meanest. he get a thrill from having control over you, especially when that’s leaving you as teared covered mess, he never fails to take care of you afterwards though. some nights he just wants to see how far he can push you and that often comes with him watching you fuck yourself on his cock. he likes seeing you desperate and you never look as desperate as you do when you’re sinking down on his cock, whining out for him to touch you and begging for him to cum inside of you. he makes a simple deal with you, you make him cum once and then he’ll fuck you however you want him to. so you do just that and he never lets you down after, already having a load of his cum inside of you makes it so easy for him to slip back inside of you after laying you down. his dark eyes watching your teary ones as he thrusts his cock back into you, eyes flickering down to where he can see the glistening of your mixed cum on himself. it’s a sight, along with the past view of you riding him, that spurs him on to fuck you until you’re crying for more of his cum inside of you. moments like that have his self restraint faltering and words that he should never repeat to anyone falling from his lips.

✧ hanbin

hanbin is loving, he’s sweet even when he’s manhandling you and fucking you into his mattress. breeding is a weakness of his, not just because he gets to fill you with his cum and watch you fall apart because of it, even though the pet name his pretty little cum slut is always on the top of his tongue when it happens, it’s also because of his desire to have a family with you. he’s needy, likes to hold your thighs apart and fuck you like he hasn’t been able to touch you in weeks. his thrusts sharp, causing his cock to reach depths inside of you that have your thighs quivering under his grip, back arching as he watches you in awe. he think your the prettiest, but somehow even prettier when stuffed full of his cum. his true weakness for it comes out when he lets go of your thighs and leans over you, one of his forearms pressed against the pillow next to your head and his other hand softly stroking loose strands of hair out of your face.

“gonna make you the prettiest mother” his voice isn’t loud, barely a whisper, a breathless one at that. it’s almost hard to hear him over the wet sounds of him entering and leaving you but you always catch it, just like you catch the way he kisses you after and groans against your lips. hips bucking harsher against yours as he promises to fill you up until he cannot fit anymore inside of you.

✧ matthew

breeding isn’t rare with matthew, in fact it happens with him the most out of the boys. it’s simple, he just can’t help himself and he knows a few whispers in your ear whilst his fingers press against your underwear has you at his mercy in minutes. you’ll do anything that he asks of you and all he really wants is to have your head pressed into the mattress as he fucks you from behind with the promise to fill you up with his cum until it’s seeping out of you. it’s a promise he always keeps too. he finds so much enjoyment from fucking you face down ass up, he gets to press himself inside of you when he cums and he gets the perfect view of his cum leaking out of you when he pulls out. it doesn’t last long though, moments later he’s pushing back inside of you, pressing your body against the mattress and bringing his hand around to your neck, using it as leverage to pull your head up a little so he can whisper in your ear. matthew is the walking definition of a man who gets pussy drunk and just wants to fill you up and he’s not shy of hiding it.

✧ taerae

breeding is almost a guilty pleasure for taerae, he likes doting on you, taking care of you and leaving you in the most satisfied state that he can and he never fails to do so. but the need to do that increases on the nights that you’re extra needy, when you’re clingier to him, more sensitive to his touch and on the edge of tears the moment he pushes himself into you. he just wants to make you feel good and if you want him to fuck you until your brain feels mushy then he’ll do just that. never forgetting to whisper sweet words to you as he buries his cock inside of you, loving the way your nails dig into his back and fingers pull at his hair, name falling from your lips. the true weakness comes when you wrap your legs around his waist to keep him inside of you after he finishes, the feeling of his cum inside of you along with his cock unmoving momentarily drives you even more insane. it has you begging with tears in your eyes for him to fuck you and fill you up again and he can’t say no, he gets quite sensitive himself after cumming one or two times so it’s not long before both of you are whining, covered in sweat as he fucks you again and again, his cum dripping down your thighs onto the mattress beneath you. he’d be more than happy to fuck you as many times as you wanted if it was what you wished for.

#zerobaseone smut #zb1 smut #jiwoong smut #hanbin smut #Zhang Hao smut #seok matthew smut #Taerae smut #✧ melody writes

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wonuumelody · 9 months

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Where svt likes to hold you

🎀( hand / thigh / waist /arm around your neck)

pairing: seventeen x gn!reader

genre: fluff. warning(s): none

Hand : Dokyeom, minghao, seungkwan

They like simplicity. Sometimes they hold you as if you were the most precious object in the world. They like to feel your fingers, and intertwined your fingers as you walk. They also like to play with your fingers when you're both sitting on the couch. It's cute for them

Thigh : scoups, mingyu, Woozi

It's so hot. They like to show that you are theirs. They put their hands on your thigh all the time, in the car, when you're sitting next to it. It is a gesture that allows them to be reassured and at the same time to show others that you are a person already taken.

Waist : wonwoo, Jeonghan, dino

They find it romantic. The fact that you stand by the waist and have the opportunity to get closer to them very quickly. It allows them to be close to you. Plus, they know you like it a lot when they hold you by the waist.

Neck : Vernon, Joshua, Jun, Hoshi.

They find this position more comfortable for their arm. They can hold you really close to them like that and their hands are still free (Hoshi can horanghae in peace.) This way, it's also easier to make others understand that you're already with someone.

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dollkisses05 · 1 month

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The feminine urge to never talk to anyone ever again

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larabar · 7 months

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"so, that was fun"

#YAHOO YIPPEE #i drew each of these in like 2 mins and i can do like 50 more the amount of energy i have rn is !!!!!!!!!!!!#GAH im not normal im so sorry #WHAT A GUY #sth #doodles #sonic frontiers spoilers #frontiers dlc spoilers #IM GONA RAMBLE ABOUT THE MUSIC HERE because idk where else to do it #the new im here version ??????? SO so good what did they put in this song !!!!!!!!!!!#specifically. it fits the new super form so well. it sounds more electronic and theres less focus on the traditional instruments in the bg #which is so cool!!!!!!!!!#but the bit that gets me is the new vocal line that plays in the instrumental part right near the end. the higher bit #THATS SO PRETTY . AND IT PLAYS RIGHT AT THE CLIMAX #then it fizzles out and ghhhh the visuals ...... ... .#sorry i cant focus on what im writing im still listening to the ost and the instrumentals on undefeatable are INSANE #the melodies you couldnt hear before are incredible. ill just stop here💥#but anyways. please talk to me about the dlc im ALWAYS up to talk about the dlc ok bye

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turtledotjpeg · 2 years

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when ur squad is size small-medium-large

#hxh #hunter x hunter #melody hxh #senritsu #kurapika #leorio paladiknight #'squad' in this case is mostly wishful thinking on my part but listen it could be so beautiful #and hey they existed in the same room together at least like... Three times in yorknew?#so that means they're basically bffs by now right ??? lol #anyway #feel free to read this platonically or romantically #but if it's romantic then melody better be in there somewhere :P #(i'm kidding it's not that serious)#(just gotta represent my weird little ot3 here haha)#...okay sorry to once again put a novel's worth of tags but i gotta say #writing alt text for this is so embarrassing lmao don't look at me #feels like a bad fanfiction 😂#i just like it when fictional people hug each other ok

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ckret2 · 4 months

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Chapter 33 of human Bill is still the Mystery Shack's prisoner:

Stan takes Bill to get fillings from a creepy dentist in the back of a white van. And also they're handcuffed together the whole time.

Hijinks ensue.

Stan was startled from reading the paper by a shrill up-and-down whistle. Bill trotted into the kitchen, his voice a singsong lilt: "Incoming!"

Stan lowered the paper to glare at Bill. "Still doing that, are you?"

"Of course! I'd hate to scare you." Bill took the chair across the kitchen table from Stan. "Gooood morni—"

"Go away." Stan determinedly returned his attention to an article about the deathball arena construction.

Bill laughed. "You're funny. Anyway!" He noted Stan's plate of eggs and salsa was hidden behind his newspaper, and quietly slid the plate across the table as he spoke. "I need you to do me the teensy, tiniest little favor—"

"Nope."

"Take me to your dentist."

"No." Stan didn't even lower his newspaper. "The last time I took you anywhere, you almost made my niece cry, my brother left a Shopliftaholics Anonymous flier on my bed, and all I got out of it was a crummy ring. You wanna go somewhere, talk to Soos."

But, Bill noted, Stan was wearing said crummy ring. "Spend a day with that loser?" He rolled his eyes. "Please. I'd rather pry out my fingernails."

"You'd probably enjoy that, you freak."

"Not the point." Bill stuffed half an egg in his mouth. "Anyway, it has to be you. I need fillings, and Dr. Illing does them for free."

Stan squinted over the top of his newspaper. "How do you know about Dr. Illing?"

"What part of 'all-seeing eye' don't you get?"

Dr. Illing was a wandering dentist who spent the warm summer months in Gravity Falls. He squeezed his van and trailer into alleys between businesses in town, where he both lived and provided dental services until the police caught wind and chased him and his van out into the woods for a few days. On days with good weather, he'd pop open the back hatch of his nondescript trailer and set up a sign that read "COME INSIDE! FREE CANDY (for new patients)". He didn't attract many customers.

What really made him stand out was his unusual pay structure. He charged typical rates for regular teeth cleaning and dental maintenance; but if a patient had a cavity, he gave them a gold filling for free, and he paid them if he needed to pull their teeth.

Stan thought he was terrific. He hadn't had to pay for dental care in thirty years! Granted, he also wore dentures now; but hey, Dr. Illing had helped pay off Ford's mortgage, and at least the dentures were on the house.

Bill said, "You're the only one in the shack who knows all the places Illing might set up shop. Besides, he might be less jumpy in front of a stranger if an existing patient can vouch for it."

"I can see where you're coming from," Stan said. "But my answer is no, because I don't wanna."

Bill scowled in irritation. He sat back and ate another of Stan's eggs as he reconsidered his approach.

"Stanley—I'm a simple shape," he said. "A simple shape who's used to being coated peak to base in pure, lustrous, 24-karat gold. Having skin makes my skin crawl. I don't need any dental work done, these teeth are fine—but I'd really, really like just a bit of gold, somewhere on my body, so I feel a little more like myself in my final days."

Stan muttered, "You're trying to appeal to sympathy I don't have, Cipher."

"And then, once I'm dead," Bill went on, "I suppose I'll be leaving behind a corpse with a mouthful of free gold that whoever's disposing of my remains can do whatever they want with, do you catch my meaning Stanley?"

Stan lowered his newspaper just enough to grimace at Bill. "That's absolutely disgusting," he said. "But okay, I'm bribed!" He tried to fold the newspaper. "If you want your mouth to fund me and Ford's next year of globe-trotting, fine by me. Least you can do for messing up our summer."

"Mhm." Bill shoveled the last egg into his mouth while Stan was distracted by the paper and slid the plate over to Stan's side.

Stan slapped the paper down. "But we're not telling Ford about this. Agreed?" He offered a hand to shake.

"Agreed." Bill took Stan's hand, with the wrong hand—but before Stan could figure out what to do with that, Bill jerked his hand back like he'd been burned. "We'll take this to our graves."

"Or to your grave, anyway!" Stan laughed loudly, slapping the table.

Bill watched him with a forced smile. "Great. Deal made. Let's go get the magic friendship bracelets and—"

"Ohhh no," Stan said. "I'm not trusting a little bit of colored lace and some mystical hocus-pocus to keep you contained. If we're going anywhere, I'm making sure you can't escape."

"Okay," Bill said, a touch warily. "Fine. How?"

####

Soos took the handcuffs out of his toolbox, removed the key and stuck it in his pocket, and asked, "What side do you want it on?"

"Left," Stan said. "Gotta keep my punching arm free." Bill rolled his eyes.

Soos closed the cuffs on Stan's left wrist and Bill's right, then tightened Bill's half until it actually held his tiny wrist. "There."

"Ha!" Stan grinned at Bill. "Try escaping that!"

"I wasn't planning to escape."

"Sure, pull the other one." Stan pointed toward the door. "Now... to the car!"

####

They stared in dismay at Stan's car.

The El Diablo was a classic of the 1960s American automotive industry—and it was in terrific condition. (Notwithstanding the recent dents, scrapes, and keyed scratches in the paint reading "TRICK-OR-CHEATER!!") It came with the features standard to American cars of the time, like a steering wheel on the left, and a wide front bench that provided space for multiple passengers to sit to the driver's right side.

Bill was handcuffed to Stan's left side.

"Wow. You're stupid," Bill said.

"I'll break your smart mouth."

"What do I care, we're headed to the dentist anyway." He sighed. "Okay! Let's go inside and tell Questiony how stupid you are."

Stan did not want to tell Soos how stupid he was. "No! How do you know I didn't do this on purpose? Maybe having my right arm free is more important than—er... driving."

Bill considered that with pursed lips. After a pause, he ventured, "Do you want me to drive—?"

"No, no, nope, I am not letting you drive my car, under any circumstances, ever! Not a chance!"

"Then how are we doing this?"

####

Stan gripped the steering wheel with both hands, knuckles white and jaw clenched.

Bill was uneasily cuddled up against Stan's right side. The handcuff forced him to stretch his right arm across Stan's chest.

They were both wearing tank tops. Their bare upper arms were plastered together with sweat.

They were getting cricks in their necks from how far they were tilting their heads away from each other.

On the radio, a hit 50's soul song crooned romantically, "Oh, my sweet love... you're my lovely sweetie... and I never love you more, than when you're pressed to my side... as we go for a sweet loving car ride..." Neither of them could reach the radio dial without touching each other even more. They'd silently decided to pretend as hard as possible that they couldn't hear the radio.

"Welp," Stan said. "Out of all the times I've been handcuffed in a car, this is one of the worst."

####

They spotted Dr. Illing's "FREE CANDY" sign posted surreptitiously near the barrel and crate factory, and circled the block to park the car in front of a business that looked responsible enough to file a missing persons report if the car was still abandoned there by nightfall.

They tumbled out of the driver's side door with a maneuver that looked like a cross between a waltz and a mugging. Stan kicked the door shut. As they untangled themselves, in a surprisingly decent impression of Stan's voice, Bill said, "Gotta keep my punching arm free. How's that working out for you?"

"Bold words from a guy in punching range, you little—" As Stan finally separated himself from Bill and straightened out, he caught sight of Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland halfway up the block. "Oh, great. Cops. Exactly what you want around when you're doing something weird." Stan shook his head. "Well, as long as we go the other way and don't make eye contact—"

"Hi Darryl! Hi Edwin!" Bill stood on his toes and waved wildly. "Hey! Working hard or hardly working? Haha!"

"Oh, hey Goldie!" Durland waved back, and he and Blubs headed their direction. "How've you been, did you have a nice Summerween?"

"Ahh, I was stuck in the house—"

"Bill," Stan hissed. "Whaddaya think you're doing? Do you want them asking questions?"

"Hey," Durland said, "Why're you handcuffed to Stan?"

Bill turned toward Stan. He smiled at him. It was a smile that said I did not think this through.

"You need some help there?" Blubs asked. "I bet we've got a key that matches that handcuff model."

Stan bet Bill would love to accept that offer and go traipsing off with the cops. "Nope! That's fine! Thank you officers, but we're keeping the handcuffs on," Stan said. "Because." He paused. "They're necessary. For... uh... for me."

The cops and Bill watched him expectantly. Bill had that awful gleam in his eyes that he got when he saw an opportunity to make up a story.

"Because I'm old," Stan said. "It's to keep me from wandering into traffic."

Bill laughed, "Yep, that's true!" He jabbed Stan's shoulder with a finger (harder than necessary, he thought). "This guy's cataracts are so bad, sometimes he asks us if he's dying because all he a see is a white light in a dark tunnel! And the way his mind's going, woof—"

Stan growled, "All right you don't have to lay it on so thick—"

"—he's so addled it's like he's completely forgotten the last century of technology, he'll just walk right off the curb and expect the horse-drawn carriages to stop for him—"

"Hahaaa, but we won't bore you with my medical history!" Stan jerked on the handcuffs. "C'mon, Goldie, you're gonna make me late to my heart doctor appointment. You don't want my life on your hands, do you?"

Bill murmured, "Don't threaten me with a good time."

"Hold on," Blubs said. "You can't see? Didn't we just see you get out of the driver's seat of your car?"

Stan and Bill exchanged a look. Stan said, "Goldie's giving me directions."

"Oh! That makes sense," Durland said.

"All right," Blubs said, "We'll let you get to your doctor's appointment. You folks have a nice day."

As the cops left, Bill called after them, "You too! Hey, I'll see you guys at Rainbow Club!"

"See you there!" Durland turned to Blubs. "Y'know, I think Goldie's a step up from that seeing-eye bear."

Bill and Stan eyed each other. "All right, you're not bad at improv," Bill said. "I can respect a decent actor."

"You too," Stan said grudgingly. Bill looked at Stan like he expected a little more than that; but Stan kept his mouth shut. Bill didn't need the encouragement.

####

Dr. Illing's "FREE CANDY" sign leaned hopefully near a gap in the fence around an overgrown lot by the barrel factory. The gap was large enough that a reasonably limber human could duck through with little difficulty; however, Stan was old and Bill was still controlling his alien body like a rookie puppeteer learning the marionette, so they circled halfway around the lot until they found a gate in the fence to push open. They trod across scraggly grass, a row of dying mushrooms, and years-old litter to reach an unmarked white van hooked up to a camper trailer.

The back hatch of the trailer was flipped up to serve as a makeshift metal awning, and inside, a tall, spindly man was snoring atop a military cot in his underwear, using a white lab coat like a blanket. Stan cleared his throat loudly, and when that didn't disrupt the snoring, knocked on the side of the trailer. "Hey! Doc!"

Dr. Illing jolted upright with a yelp, seized an enormous wireless power drill off the floor to point at them like a gun, lowered it slightly as he registered he wasn't under attack, then realized he was nearly naked and yelped again. He tumbled off the cot, flailed his way to his feet, and turned his back to them as he jerked on his coat and buttoned it. "Just—just a second!" He got on one sock, couldn't find the other, and gave up, pulling on his sneakers with one bare foot. "Sorry, so sorry, I must've—just—nodded off for a second, there—"

"Maybe we should have made an appointment," Bill said wryly. "He looks busy." Stan snorted.

Dr. Illing turned around, smoothing out his rumpled lab coat. He was a jumpy, twitchy man with heavy circles under his eyes, short badly-cut hair, and a 5 o'clock shadow that had evolved into a 25 o'clock shadow. His gaze darted nervously between their faces. "Sorry. Hi, hello, can I help you? Are you maybe here for a tooth extraction, or—or perhaps wisdom teeth removal...?" His gaze caught on Stan's face, and he started. "Stan Pines! I haven't seen you since I pulled your last tooth ten years ago! What are you doing here?" His brows creased in worry. "You're—you're not mad about that, are you—?"

"What? No! The dentures are—fine. They're actually lower maintenance than teeth. Sort of. In a way," Stan said. "No, I'm here to refer a new customer." He pointed at Bill.

Bill made a gesture like he was tipping an invisible hat. "Hi there!"

"A customer?" Dr. Illing said blankly. "Oh—yes! Of course, hold on—" He pulled a hospital curtain over the front half of the trailer to hide a dinette covered in laundry and old magazines, lifted one end of the military cot and slid a step stool under the legs to keep it raised, and tugged the arm of a dental light down from the ceiling to aim it at the chair.

Stan said, "So, do I get some kind of referral bonus, or..."

"Oh—sure, sure. Have a, uhh..." Dr. Illing opened a heavy yellow and black tool bag, pulled out a battered cookie tin, withdrew a gold coin, and offered it to Stan. "One of these or something, here."

"Huh." Stan inspected it. No idea what currency it was, but a gold coin was arguably cooler than actual cash.

The dentist batted aside the hospital curtain to grab a tiny stool from the dinette, shook a damp towel off the seat, placed the stool beside the cot, and sat. "Okay!" He clapped his hands. "New customer! What can I do you for?"

Bill had been gazing in naked longing at the bag hiding the gold coins; but at the question, he looked up with a grin. "I'm here for fillings!"

"Ah! Wonderful. No charge for fillings, of course." He started rummaging through his tool bag for supplies. "Do you know which teeth need them?"

"Whichever you think would look best with some," Bill said. "Driller's choice!"

Dr. Illing stopped rummaging to give Bill a perplexed look. "I—sorry, come again?"

"I said I'm leaving it in your hands." Bill climbed into the trailer and put his free hand on Dr. Illing' s shoulder. "I'll be straight with you, Frankie: all that matters is that my teeth do not currently have any gold in them, and I want that to change by the time I leave. I'm not too picky about the details beyond that."

The dentist stared at Bill, then glanced at Stan for confirmation. Stan shrugged and nodded. "Oh-kay!" Dr. Illing wasn't quite smiling, but there was a strange, eager gleam in his eye. "Super! This'll be fun!" He gestured for Bill to sit on the cot. "Let's see what I have to work with."

He ushered Stan in, and pulled the trailer's hatch shut.

####

"Your teeth are amazing," Dr. Illing said, voice hushed with awe. "Perfectly white. Who's your usual dental hygienist? Did you just get these cleaned?"

"Nope," Bill said, forgetting for the third time that humans keep their teeth and their voice in the same hole and he shouldn't talk with the dentist's fingers in his mouth. Dr. Illing quickly pulled his hand back. "Just basic toothpaste, floss, and dish soap."

Dr. Illing shook his head in disbelief. "Well, they look amazing. And no wear at all, remarkable... Have you ever considered having any of these pulled? Do you mind if I take a few pictures?"

Stan shuddered as the dentist pulled out an old film camera and started snapping photos. "Yeesh. I forgot how creepy you are. Kinda glad I ran out of teeth."

Dr. Illing straightened up, snapped off the dental light, and sighed. "Well, I'm sorry to say that all your teeth are pristine. Not a hint of cavities—not even plaque. It'd be a shame to drill such pretty specimens. You're sure you don't want one pulled...?"

Stan grimaced, but Bill pursed his lips thoughtfully, as if he were considering a perfectly normal question. "As fun as that sounds, I said I want to leave with gold today, and the whole extraction-and-implantation process for gold teeth takes ages. Unless you happen to have a little secret magic trick to speed up the process?" Bill laughed, fixing Dr. Illing with a piercing stare.

Dr. Illing looked nervous. "Er—no."

"Then just the fillings. But who knows, maybe I'll feel naughty and be back in a couple of weeks." Bill laughed again. "Just pick a couple of your least favorite teeth to drill into!"

"Okay, suit yourself." Dr. Illing shrugged and fished around in an overstuffed cardboard box under the dinette table. "Let's gas you up and get drilling."

"You can skip the sedative," Bill said. "I don't mind a little pain. I prefer it, actually! It adds some zest to the experience..." He trailed off as he caught sight of the label on the gas canister Dr. Illing had pulled out. He pointed at a word, "I thought that additive was illegal."

Dr. Illing flinched guiltily. "Not in the state where I got it."

"Oh, buddy. I didn't realize I'd climbed into the party van!" Bill settled back on the cot, laced his hands behind his head, and got comfortable. "You know this stuff has something like sixty percent odds of causing hallucinations? Most people get either haloes around lights, or spiders. Go ahead, gas me—I wanna find out which I am."

####

In five minutes, Bill was overjoyed to report that the dental light had a spider halo. He did not explain what this meant.

Since Stan had typically been under anesthesia himself whenever Dr. Illing operated on him, this was the first time he'd had an opportunity to watch the dentist at work. Stan discovered that when Dr. Illing drilled into a tooth, he didn't suck the resultant dust up with one of those little dental vacuums with a plastic tube Stan was more familiar with. Instead, when a bit of dust had accumulated, he reached in with what looked like a cotton swab, wiped up the tooth dust, and scraped it off into a Petri dish; and only then did he use the vacuum to suck out any saliva and continue. Was he saving the leftover tooth dust? He was an even bigger creep than Stan had thought.

By all appearances, Bill didn't handle the gas well. It wasn't that it made him sick, or that he wasn't having the time of his life. It just made him completely forget how to operate a human body. When Dr. Illing told him to hold his mouth open, he also held his eyes open until they watered; and whenever he lost the battle to keep them open, he automatically shut his mouth too, often to his own peril as Dr. Illing shouted about the drill jostling. Within ten minutes, Dr. Illing had given up on convincing Bill to keep his mouth open and instead started giving him blink breaks when he could shut his mouth.

It helped some, but they couldn't do anything about the fact that Bill had fully forgotten he couldn't talk while getting dental work done, and kept up a regular chatter—during which he cheerfully mentioned he'd died recently, attempted to explain that the entire universe was actually an elaborate hologram projecting from the "true" third dimension, and asked Dr. Illing all about the cruise to Panama he'd recently stowed away on (which the dentist hadn't mentioned). During one blink break, as Bill closed each eye separately, Dr. Illing leaned toward Stan and muttered, "So... what's her story?"

Stan tilted his head toward the Petri dish. "What's with the tooth shavings?"

Dr. Illing considered that, slowly nodded, and got back to work.

####

After several hours, Dr. Illing wiped his brow and sighed in relief. "All right, that should do it. You've got fillings on five teeth now." Under his breath, he muttered, "It would have been two, if you hadn't kept talking while I was drilling."

Stan shook his head in amazement. "Doesn't that hurt?"

"Yes," Bill said. "I've never felt pain like that before. What a rush."

"If you do come back for a tooth extraction, I'm getting a dental gag to keep your jaws open." Dr. Illing finished pulling out the array of clamps and barriers around the filling sites and wearily dropped down onto his stool. "There. The rest of the sedative should wear off gradually over the next few hours. Usually I tell patients to wait three or four hours before eating to let the swelling go down, but..." He waved wearily. "You can do whatever you want."

"Admit it, you like having an enthusiastic patient!" Bill heaved himself off the military cot, forgot he couldn't float, and immediately collapsed to the floor.

"Whoa there—" Stan helped Bill back to his feet. The handcuffs prevented him from getting an arm around Bill's back, so instead he helped keep him upright by firmly squeezing his upper arm. "I don't know about you, but I'm eating as soon as we get home. You made me miss lunch—and for some reason, I feel like I barely had any breakfast." Bill inexplicably found this declaration hilarious. Probably the sedative, Stan reasoned.

Bill waved at the dentist as Stan tugged him out the trailer's hatch, chattering the whole way: "Thanks for the gold, the sock you were looking for is a bookmark in the March issue of Floss Girls, Atlantis is rising as we speak, you have less than seven years to prepare for the plague, tell the little lady I said hi! Byyye!"

Stan squeezed Bill's arm tighter and muttered, "Would you cut that out?

Bill stumbled across the uneven lot. "I made up the part about Atlantis."

"Okay just shut up and stop saying weird things."

Bill attempted to walk sideways all the way back to the car.

####

Stan gripped the steering wheel so tightly, his arms were trembling.

Bill was sprawled all over the front bench, the dashboard, the seatback, and Stan's shoulders.

On the radio, a hit 80's R&B song with a sexy saxophone was playing, "Babe, the sad things you've been through... I swear I'll make it up to you... If it takes a thousand years..."

Bill was singing at the top of his lungs directly in Stan's ear, "I'LL WIPE AWAY ALL YOUR TEARS, WOO!—sax solo!—BA DA-DA DA, BA DA-DAAA—"

Stan turned off his right hearing aid.

Every once in a while Bill attempted to grab the steering wheel and turn it in time to the song, like a kid playing in a toy car; Stan had given up telling him to stop and instead started just smacking his hand away every time he tried. After another smack, Bill draped his arm awkwardly over Stan again, and announced, "I can't feel my tongue at all! I bet I can chew it off!"

"Don't do that."

"The last time my mouth was this numb, my girlfriend had just gotten done with me, haha." Bill stuck his finger in his mouth to experimentally poke at his tongue. "I couldn' thee for the nex' hour from all the thporeth—"

"I swear if you don't shut up—"

Bill flopped his arm across Stan again. "I just realized I haven't gotten any action since I died. Wow. What's normal for humans, couple times a week until you start the slow lingering decline toward death?" He looked straight at Stan. Stan could feel that side of his face start to sweat. "This isn't a weird time to bring that up, is it?"

"Bill, if you say one more weird thing, you're riding home on the roof of the car."

Bill was quiet for three seconds. And then he started poking Stan's bicep. "Your arm's a lot meatier than Sixer's! What's your favorite flavor of cancer?"

####

Mabel asked, "Why are you on top of the car?"

Bill—eyes wide, hair disheveled, one arm hanging through the driver's door, sprawled out clinging to the roof like his life depended on it—replied, "I don't know, it's all a blur."

Stan opened the car door and jerked on the handcuffs. "All right, get off my car."

Bill shakily climbed off, lay in the dirt, and tried to catch his breath. "That was fun. We should do that more often."

"Not on your life."

Eyeing the handcuffs, Dipper said, "What were you doing, anyway?"

"Nothing!" Stan snapped. "Why? Who's asking? I wasn't sneaking the demon out to get a shady back-alley dental procedure!"

Mabel and Dipper stared up at him.

Stan pointed at them. "What are you doing?"

"Going camping," Dipper said, turning so Stan could see his stuffed backpack.

"Something's been stealing Pacifica's alpacas at night, so we're going on a stake-out," Mabel said. "They took Giorgio. It's personal now."

"We think aliens might be abducting them," Dipper said.

From the ground, Bill said, "It's not aliens."

"Ah, taking the law into your own hands. It builds character," Stan said approvingly. "You need firearms?"

They exchanged a glance. "We're good," Mabel said. "Grunkle Ford loaned us his freeze ray. It seems less lethal."

As the kids headed toward the road, Bill finally heaved himself up. "Well, that was fun!"

"No it wasn't," Stan said.

"Your opinion doesn't matter. Anyway—" He shook his cuffed wrist. "We're home, get me out of this thing. It makes you look like my ugly accessory and I want my hoodie."

"I elevate your whole look!" Stan protested. "And I don't have the key, it's with Soos."

Mabel turned back to shout at them, "Soos is out! He's got a dinner date with Melody!"

Stan grimaced. "Uh-oh."

Bill shrugged and said, with a confidence Stan didn't share, "He left the key behind."

####

"Oh man, sorry dudes," Soos said over the phone. "I totally forgot I still had it. Yeah, it's on my key ring. Is that, like, gonna be a problem, or...?"

"It's fine," Bill said, sitting atop Soos's office desk and leaning all the way across it to reach the phone. "Just pass it through the phone, we'll catch it."

"What?"

"Ignore him." Stan shoved Bill's face away. Bill gave him a dirty look as he straightened out his eyepatch, which he'd finally gotten to put on once they were home. Stan spun the desk chair away from Bill so he couldn't try to join the conversation again. "He's hopped up on psychedelic laughing gas. When are you gonna be back?"

"Uh..." Soos thought for several seconds. "Nooot for a while. Abuelita and I were talking about maybe kind of staying the night?"

"Well—pfff—can't you duck out and bring the key?"

"Uhhh. I would but, this is the first time Abuelita and I are having dinner with Melody's parents, and I'm really worried about impressing them parents, and the casserole's about to come out, and I think they might judge me if I leave, it would probably ruin dinner..."

"Okay, fine. What if we drive over to get the key?"

Far louder than necessary, Bill asked, "Stanley can I drive this time—!"

"Absolutely not!"

"Oh sure, that'd be fine," Soos said. "I'll give you directions, Melody's parents' place is in Portland. You got a pen?"

Stan frowned. "Portland."

"Yep."

"As in, outside the magic bubble trapping Bill in town."

Soos paused. "Oh, right."

Well, Stan wasn't about to make Soos look bad in front of his future in-laws. He'd never had in-laws, but he'd seen enough sitcoms to know how messy that could get. "Never mind. We'll figure something out. You kids enjoy dinner." Stan hung up the phone, sighed, and turned to face Bill. (Bill had plucked a figurine of a bulky robot in a cute girly pose off of Soos's desk, and was staring at it in wonder, like he'd never seen overpriced anime convention merch before.) "You got any other bright ideas?"

"We could still call Darryl and Edwin..."

"No way," Stan snapped. "I am not calling the cops for help! Never gonna happen. I'd rather wait for Soos to get back in the morning if I have to!"

"Oh would you." Bill laughed scornfully. "And what do you plan to do until then?"

####

They got TV dinners and grumpily watched Cash Wheel together.

####

(This entire chapter was just an extended excuse to annoy Stan and Bill as much as possible. But mostly Stan. Thanks for reading, and if you enjoyed I'd appreciate a comment or reblog!!)

#bill cipher #human bill cipher #grunkle stan #stanley pines #gravity falls #gravity falls fic #gravity falls fanart #fanart #my art #my writing #bill goldilocks cipher #(please pretend the first song sounds like Unchained Melody)#(please pretend the second song sounds like Careless Whisper)

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