#michael is also there but like I kinda exorcised him

[ratwithhands]

Some doodle requests of John Ward from insta. The ones submitted, in order, are:

Throws a bagel at him

Exorcising a demon child

Draw him pregnant

On all fours eating a pile of toes

I will perhaps post some other doodles of him because I'm getting back into Faith for the first time in a few years and I got some ideas while I was gone (namely one about a particular game over screen). Anyways see you guys later and sleep tight.

[d3ath--by--st3r3o]

I love constantine 2005 but I see ppl talking abt it and why does no one ever mention how everyone in that movie wants to do the filthy mcnasty with john?? I swear everyone he interacted with was at least somewhat in love with him. beeman in that scene w the cough syrup as a whole but especially being so quick w that cough syrup. obviously chas was a john constantine superfan. Father hennessy in the exorcism scene. also the demon john was exorcising in the exorcism scene. Angela didn't like him at first but by the end you could tell she kinda wanted to badonkadonk with his emo ass. Michael. And Lucifer and Balthazar like HELLO??? Why are u acting like that!

[farieshades]

What do you think about Jack Kline?

I’ll be honest, I haven’t put much thought into most of the characters in SPN outside of the main brothers, Castiel, and I suppose, Lucifer. So, I’m probably not the best for this but let’s go ahead anyway. 

Season Appearances

When he was still unborn, there was many beliefs before Season 13 hit that Jack would become the next BBEG and an embodiment of pure evil due to his blood father (... Do Angels have blood and DNA? Theoretically the Vessels do but they transfer a bit of grace to the Nephilim… Was Jesus a Nephilim and if so would this then be assumed Gabriel was his father? My head is going off topic hold up, rewind), I think in this way, there was a commentary of nature vs nurture of the character or a belief of ability vs actuality (so like Dumbledore thinking this 11 year old is evil cause of one ability… which isn’t a good example considering said 11 year old ended up evil anyway). Jack Kline, while still unborn, showed an intrinsic goodness, or what Kelly believed as such. As Castiel points out, this could have been done to prolong his life not really caring about his bearer, but Kelly nevertheless believes her son is not evil. In this scene area, Jack also chooses Castiel as his protector/father of choice, feeling potentially as his mother did, safe with Cas.

In Season 13 we as the audience get to see more of these gifts Jack has, specifically from the get-go in which he aged himself into a young man rather than a baby due to his mothers words that life is dangerous for a baby. We also see a pivitol moment in which Jack asks about his father and says Lucifer wasn't him but Castiel was since his mother told him that's who will protect him. This season also has him growing into his power and meeting Apocalypse-World Lucifer who steals Jack's grace. 

This loss becomes prevalent in Season 14, but also acts as a parallel to Castiel and the other angels becoming human with the collapse of heaven (which isn't a collapse collapse. I just can't remember what it was, just, you know, every angel was on earth and there was a lot of death). Anyway, Jack grows into his humanity in a way, he learns hand-to-hand combat from AW Bobby, he saves people, acts as a sacrifice (through forms of guilt mostly), and eventually, dies from an illness and ascends to Heaven and while there escapes his ‘personal heaven’, gets chased down by ooze, and finds his mom. Sometime later, we recieve the conflicts end of AW Michael as Jack exorcises Rowena, killing Michael by incinerating him and absorbing his grace. Jack reveals Michael is dead to the brothers and tells them his powers have returned and proves it by showing his Nephilim wings. 

Characteristics

If there is one thing the last 3 seasons showed was that Jack Kline was selfless to an extreme degre. He never showed a need to be important or a need to be seen as the New God, that just… kinda happened to him. This selflessness had been there from his very beginning, even in the womb, when he empowers Castiel giving him the ability to kill Dagon. Although, this selflessnes, isn’t always the most useful, he is trusting and in that he almost got himself killed trying to end God and The Darkness trying to do something intrinsically good for the world and the Winchesters, while not displaying fear or hesitancy in his actions. He also tried to avoid conflict and solve conflicts. 

Jack’s character is also wrapped with a bit of guilt, especially when he learns he is the son of Lucifer and supposedly an abomination. He feels like everything is his fault, he takes cruel words at face value convincing himself that every problem he (and the brothers) come across is his fault. Jack didn’t really understand that it wasn’t his job to solve every problem there was, but he was a people-pleaser, a fatal flaw in some ways as this would lead to himself to blame himself when things didn’t go the way he expected them to; Season 15 takes that to an extreme extent in the whol “Kill God as a bomb” idea that Jack seemed to believe would, while sacrificing himself, please the Winchester Brothers because he was making amends… As if the brothers ever really did something to that extreme when accidentally killing someone the other liked. I mean really… What's the creepy barney song,,, “we’re a dysfunctional family” really suits them here.

Annnyway, death and non-death Season 15 occurs, and Jack is shown to be quite forgiving in nature, never bringing up really past things that occurred between him and Dean in particular. He is also shown to be considering forgiving Lucifer in the hope that the master manipulator of the entire biblical universe has changed his ways. And likewise, after regaining his soul (because of course we need every main character to be soulless at some point I guess), he forgives/overlooks the Ma’lak box from the season previous [From the Biblical/Ancient Hebrew mal’akh (מַלְאָךְ‎), the standard word for "messenger" in which Angels were the 'messengers of g*d', likewise in modern Hebrew, mal’akh is the general word for "angel"; it is also related to the words for "angel" in Arabic (malak ملاك), Aramaic and Ethiopic. - Very similar in idea to the Dybbuk box, or Dibbuk box (קופסת דיבוק, from dybbuk (/ˈdɪbək/; Yiddish: דיבוק, from the Hebrew verb דָּבַק‎)), which a cabinet that is haunted by/holding a malicious possessing spirit, possibly the soul of a deceased person - though I’m unsure if this is a common thing or it’s just something that Zak Bagan’s has in his museum at this point.] Anyway I had a point,,, Jack doesn’t hold what happened to him when he was soulless against those who he considers family. 

See, Jack saw the Winchesters and Castiel as his fathers/family and vice versa. Despite rocky beginnings, Dean and Jack became quite close, with Dean teaching Jack to drive the Impala, going fishing because Jack knew Dean liked to do so, and even later, when Jack dies, God considered Dean killing Jack to be a father killing his son, showing the depth of the relationship Jack and Dean had developed.

On a different note, Jack also had the ability, or the tendency, to bring out the best in those around him, possibly with a mixture of his optimism and childlike/adorable nature that he held (which, to be fair, he’s what, two years old really? Despite his impressive ability to understand the world around him, one can’t absorb everything in just a few short years no matter how much they are able to retain knowledge that they learn). Anyway, it this caring nature, this optimism shows in those who he cared about. Castiel became more selfless, and Sam grew as a parent, as does Dean, but more so, when Jack changes Heaven into a paradise that it [theoretically] should be, Dean (and to a lesser extent, Sam) has hope to finding his family in the afterlife. One of the things that I think made accepting death in the finale more easy for him surely. 

But moreso, Jack remained an approachable person who didn’t think ill of anyone as he tried to fit into the chaotic world he was trying to understand. Sure there is a learning process that he had to adapt to to acting, ‘normal’ (something we see most angels struggling with in some way), but his friendly nature remained. 

New God

So, Jack, with the Winchester Brothers, Michael, and a resurrected Lucifer defeat Chuck and Jack absorbs the power, becoming New God, in which Jack resurrects those that Chuck had wiped from existence, but leaves the world for Heaven. But something important happens before he does, when questioned if he is “God” now, he simply states that “I’m me.” 

Jack, no matter the power level, retains his normal personality that he has shown, but with the extreme power change, he has a policy of being hands-off on Earth, which probably makes a lot of sense when you also have absolutely no idea what your new powers can even do considering how much divine energy/grace he had just theoretically absorbed. 

Anyway, Jack reshapes Heaven for the better with Castiel’s help and we can theoretically believe that a form of peace has arisen with this. Not a complete one, monsters and demons are still plenty I’d imagine, but, with Jack, rather than Mr. Ego-who-left-heaven, Heaven is probably in safe hands.

"I'm around. I'll be in every drop of falling rain, every speck of dust that the wind blows, and in the sand, in the rocks, and the sea. (...) And those answers will be in each of them. Maybe not today but... someday. People don't need to pray to me or to sacrifice to me. They just need to know that I'm already a part of them and to trust in that. I won't be hands on. Chuck put himself in the story. That was his mistake. But I learned from you and my mother and Castiel that... when people have to be their best... they can be. And that's what to believe in. Well... I'm really as close as this. Goodbye." - Inherit the Earth

[still-a-morosexual-help]

OBEY ME! LESSON 57 DETAILED SUMMARY AND DISCUSSIONS/THEORIES

*I wrote this days after the lesson was first posted and never bothered to go back and edit it so meaning there will be me theorizing about the next lesson as well

*I write a small para for each chapter and I write it immediately after finishing that chapter so there’ll be theorizing about the next chapter too

*I swear more than usual here

*Some of the dialogue is heavily plagiarized and a few is lifted directly from the story, the game is to figure which is which.

*Summaries and Discussions/theories for all the other lessons can be found on this blog under #obey me spoilers or #my theories or #my headcanons

MC wakes up to Belphie and Satan planning on kidnapping them, deciding to wake them up and then arguing about which small prank they should play to wake them up (satan suggests holding their nose till they wake up and Belphie says they’d have to be careful with that method cause it could kill a human). MC decides it’d be best nor to let them go ahead with anyone of this and wakes up screaming to scare them both. They complain about being reverse pranked and say that breakfast is ready. Belphie also gives them the star of diligence for all that happened last lesson. Belphie asks if once MC becomes an actual sorcerer if Solomon will teach them higher level magic. Satan say it’d be a great boost to the anti-lucifer league. Belphie wonders what the final exam would be (and I just realised these two exams will be the final exam holy shit) and satan asks MC if they’re confident, they say ‘after all the BS I’ve been through? FUCK YEAH!’ Satan says it’s good to be motivated but to stay focused, Belphie says past experience shows that MC can stand to lose a little focus and still be okay. There’s a commotion and they realise that it’s probably Beel rampaging cause he got too hungry.

Asmo scolds Beel for his rampage, Beel apologizes and Asmo tells him not to apologize through a mouthful of food cause it seems less sincere. Asmo asks if he even regrets it and Beel ignores him to go reheat the meat pies which pisses asmo off more. Belphie tells him to drop it and that it was partly their fault for taking so long to come back. Asmo then scolds Belphie for being too soft with Beel. Lucifer asks about MC’s star and congratulates them. MC thanks him and questions him being so happy about them nearly being done. He says them becoming a proper sorcerer is important for all the brothers and that personally Lucifer wants them to become more powerful than Solomon so that they can finally shut him up and make him stop pestering Lucifer for a pact. Belphie questions Lucifer more about Solomon and Lucifer complains, also saying that there are plenty of demons willing to forge a pact with him but Asmo says Solomon’s very particular about who he makes pacts with. Asmo says word for word, “It may not seem like it, but he’s got a very cold-blooded side to him. He probably picks his targets purely based on whether they’ll be of use to him.” (I just think it’s really interesting that asmo calls them ‘targets’ though the character relationship diagram did say that Solomon considers others his playthings). Asmo uses Mammon as an example of a demon Solomon wouldn’t want to forge a pact with but Mammon doesn’t respond instant he’s silent and distracted/worried. Asmo pokes at Mammon again asking if he agrees. Mammon distractedly agrees. Asmo’s smile instantly falls, shocked and upset that Mammon isn’t biting back and arguing or saying something mean in return (why is this my brother & I???). Satan says that Levi will also be useless to Solomon. Levi responds the same way as Mammon did which freaks out both Satan and Belphie. MC asks Mammon & Levi what’s wrong. Belphie states how weird they’re being and Asmo also asks what happened, looking particularly upset. Lucifer calls out to the both of them too. But before they get a response Barbatos calls Lucifer asking them all to come to the hotel immediately.

On the way over Satan says Barbatos asking them over this early is strange and asks if he gave Lucifer a reason, Lucifer said Barbatos had promised to explain when they got there. Satan asks if this is wise considering two of them were already acting odd. Lucifer turns to them and says he’s not going to ask what their behaviour’s about rn but when they go back home the two of them have to explain to him what happened. They both give distracted noncommittal hums as answers. Satan says they’re like completely different people rn and Asmo says whatever the reason behind their behaviour it’s probably stupid. Asmo then asks MC about how he should paint his nails next time, MC can say a mature look,  =a feminine look or a simple look. Then he remembers he’s supposed to enrol in a cooking class that makes food to “cleanse the soul” it’ll be hard with new nails. He also worries about whether food that ‘cleanses the soul’ could exorcise him. MC after all the BS they’ve gone through is extremely paranoid and says it sounds sus Asmo says the 7 of them are also pretty suspicious and that given their limited time in the human world he wants to do everything he can. Behind them Levi meows. Asmo says that though the demons are here just on break the angels are gonna be here long term (guys guys guys what if S4’s after the brothers leave and it’s an angel focused season with them bringing in Michael and Raphael and the brothers only show up for small bits??? I’d cry I’ll get Mammon withdrawal). Levi meows again. Asmo says he wants to stay and have fun in the human world for longer too. Levi meows thrice in a row. Asmo finally snaps and yells at Levi. Levi says he just wants to talk to MC for a bit (remembered the girl in college who used to meow at me whenever we passed by each other). Satan says he knows that Levi’s done something bad that’s gonna piss off Lucifer and now he’s trying to drag MC away from the others to find away to fix it. Levi tries to deny it but Satan just congratulates him and says depending on how this turns out they may invite him to the ant-lucifer league. Belphie asks what he did and Levi tries to deny it until Beel stops walking in stunned silence and Belphie asks him what happened. Beel says he just remembered something awful.

Beel wants to go back to get his abandoned meat pies, Mammon breaks outta whatever stupor he was in to say that’s insane and MC suggests heading through the market. Beel loves the idea and hugs MC, with Asmo saying he wants to hug MC too. At the market people stare at them, Lucifer says it’s natural with how big a group they are, Asmo contributes it to his beauty, I say it’s Satan’s ugly ass clothes. Mammon says people oughta pay them if they’re gonna stare, Levi says it’s embarrassing and MC tells him he’s being too self-conscious, Levi replies saying it feels like he’s being made to do an embarrassing public dare. The butcher greets all of them, surprised to see all of them at once, Beel places his order and the butchers asks if they’re friends, family…(members of a cult? Orgy?) MC can look over at either Mammon or Lucifer and get them to answer. Mammon says that  except for MC they’re brothers though he doesn’t like being stuck with them for brothers but what can ya do. Belphie says Mammon’s got that last bit backwards. Lucifer says the same as Mammon’s first part but adds on that the others can be embarrassing. Satan says ‘like you’re not!?’ The butcher looks at this back of idiots who all look roughly the same age and nothing alike and says “ah. I see.” Then says “MC is your friend or…”Asmo laughs and calls the butcher nosy and says he and MC are a couple and that they’re they love of his life (the butcher previously also was introduced to Beel & MC and Mammon & Mc as couples…), Mammon says MC’s his servant (what a dick. I love him so much), Belphie says he thought the story was they hired MC as their babysitter (and that doesn’t sound shady at all) MC can say they’re a.) family This makes Beel & lucifer really happy and they agree. b.) their master, Mammon says MC’s got it wrong and it’s the other way around. Levi says that at least in Mammon’s case they got it right. c.) their babysitter – Satan protests to being called a baby. The Butcher’s like right….I kind of don’t wanna ask for anymore details but it’s nice you’re all so close.

Up in the hotel Beel is on his 37th meat pie much to Asmo’s dismay. Diavolo greets them and apologizes for the time, MC asks ‘what kinda bullfuckery is going on now’. Since last night there’ve been rumours of an evil spirit (aren’t diavolo & Barbatos also technically evil spirits…) Last night a guest had coming running to the front desk, seeming very pale and petrified with fear insisting there was something in the room with them. Though they don’t say a word Mammon gets shocked by this and Levi gets upset. Several staff members had gone to investigate but what they’d seen had left them shaking and unable to speak. They shock was so much that everyone who’d seen it had been admitted to the hospital. Mammon starts nervously laughing, saying it must have been all in their imagination, the way he words it makes it sound like he’s implying evil spirits aren’t real which I find hilarious. Levi, stuttering, backs him up. Satan says they can’t have all imagined it (isn’t this a thing though? Wait lemme google it up. Mass hallucinations or epidemic hysteria. The first two examples are during the middle ages and they both happened to nuns which is odd. The first was a nun who kept biting other nuns and it spread till the nuns were biting each other. The other was a nun who kept meowing and well that spread. Hey you guys need to read the wiki page for the examples of this it’s really fucking interesting). Mammon ignores Satan and tries to leave citing ‘stuff’ he’s gotta do. And Levi suddenly remembers some of his prior commitments as well. Asmo calls them out for being suspicious and Mammon stutters through the whole sentence denying it. Lucifer bans them from leaving which upsets them and Satan realises that they were called to get rid of the spirit. MC (who’s a shit) asks why the demon king’s son can’t take care of it or if it’s safe for demons to exorcise evil spirits. He says he’s got meetings the whole morning and that the spirit is something he can’t keep waiting till later. He says that though to humans they may seem similar, demons and evil spirits are very different beings. He also says the spirit is the kind that’ll be hard even for demons to handle alone. Asmo asks if that means Diavolo knows what it is. He says it’s a bogeyman (Me: *snort*)

The twins are surprised, Diavolo asks MC whether they know what it is. Bogeymen are well known even in the human world, with children fearing they may be hiding in dark corners of their rooms, they don’t have their own form and instead appear as your greatest fear (and isn’t this the thing from harry potter? A boggart right?) Belphie asks how it could have ended up in Corvo and Lucifer turns to the two obvious suspects as they try to inch their way towards the door. Through stutters they try to explain that they weren’t trying to run away. Lucifer’s so pissed at this point his text has stopped appearing in bold and is now appearing in red. Mammon throws Levi under the bus, saying he wouldn’t stop adding all these new upgrades to crowe, levi says it was Mammon doing that using Levi’s account and money. Levi said Mammon wanted to try an effect called “Pandora’s Gacha” which would give you a random effect that you weren’t told about beforehand. When Lucifer yells at them to quiet his text is both bold and red so you know he’s seconds away from murdering them. He makes them explain everything properly from the beginning and there’s a flashback.  They’re both in Levi’s room, realising how badly they fucked up, as black mist starts to swirl around them (they also keep finishing each other’s sentences as they talk about how fucked they are which I thought was cute). Levi says he has no idea what they summoned but that it should definitely not be loose in the human world and Mammon cusses out crowe (which fair? Which did an update to crowe let loose an evil spirit? Maybe cause crowe’s also connected to the devildom but I can’t imagine anyone in the devildom wanting to be surprised with an evil spirit either… and shouldn’t they correct that bug before someone in the human world summons something that only crowe in the devildom is supposed to summon. But I guess Levi’s crowe is a prototype). Crowe actually answers Mammon and starts telling what it is an what it does as the mist starts taking form. Crowe congratulates them on winning a ‘super special rare effect’, Mammon asks how they could congratulate them when this sucks. The mist forms into Lucifer in his demon form resulting in the two of them screaming and panicking, Mammon’s chanting ‘no’ over and over again and Levi shrieks at Crowe to get rid of it and Crowe asks if he wants to transfer the bogeyman to another location. Crowe asks permission to use 1000DP to install an update to do that, which makes Levi hesitate but Mammon agrees. Crowe asks where they would like to send it. Levi starts stuttering saying he doesn’t know and Mammon says anywhere but here. Levi then stutters out hotel corvo. (So I have questions: Does the bogeyman appear as what you fear the most in general or what you fear the most at the time you see it? Like since before it formed a shape they were already freaking out about Lucifer getting pissed at them so in that one moment that’s what they were scared of more than anything else. Also does it transform into your collective fear? Like since Mammon & Levi met it together it transformed into a pissed demon Lucifer cause that’s the one thing they both fear the most but if it met the two of them individually would it transform into something they alone fear the most? I’m asking cause the two of them seem to piss off Lucifer so much, and despite knowing the consequences for their actions this does not stop them from doing more things to piss off Lucifer, and they’ve been doing this for thousands upon thousands of years that it doesn’t make sense that the thing they fear the most would be Lucifer.)

Back in the present mammon happily compliments Levi on his quick thinking of transferring it to Corvo, Levi happily takes the compliment, calling himself a genius and saying he’d seen an ad for corvo right before the whole bogeyman thing appeared and it popped into his head. “How very interesting…” Says Lucifer with a smile on his face and remembering where they are right now Levi gasps. Lucifer quotes back what they just said to each other before transforming into his demon form making the two of them start screaming again. Belphie says the two of them redefine stupid. Barbatos, with a smile, says he’s pleased they found the cause of all this. And Satan remarks that Barbatos seems really pissed. Beel says the way he’s smiling makes it scarier and actually reminds him of Satan (I love the smiling despite being consumed with seething murderous rage thing some of the demons do. We even saw Mammon do it in that one Devilgram where the brothers for once actually managed to piss him off enough to make him transform into his demon form.) Barbatos says he’ll leave the clean up to Lucifer and the others. Lucifer, now back to normal, agrees despite looking upset and saying he’d rather not. Barbatos drags diavolo to his meeting despite Diavolo protesting and saying he doesn’t want to leave as things get interesting and asking if he can reschedule the meetings, Barbatos says Diavolo had promised to be professional and get all his work done if Barbatos let him come and stay in the human world. Diavolo asks MC if they can have a gossip session about everything that’s gonna happen later and they promise to. Diavolo complains again and Barbatos smiles and goes ‘Young Master.’ And Diavolo immediately fold and leaves. Belphie comments on how even Diavolo wouldn’t dare cross Barbatos when he’s pissed. Asmo and Satan say Levi and Mammon should fix this mess. Mammon says as brothers they should stick together. Belphie says he doesn’t get to play the brother card at his convenience. Asmo asks if MC agrees with him. Levi gives them puppy dog eyes and asks if MC will abandon them. If MC says they should all work together Mammon gets all sparkly eyed and says he knew MC would agree and Levi gets all sparkly eyed and says MC’s the best. Belphie says he doesn’t want to be stuck dealing with this. If MC says it’s their fault and they should figure it out Mammon asks them if that doesn’t sound too harsh and Levi says he understands that nobody cares about them. Satan calls them tweedled-dee and tweedled-dum and says they brought it on themselves. Beel asks Lucifer what they’ll do. Lucifer says Mammon & Levi should deal with it, Levi tries to protest but Asmo says they should have known this would happen. They’re interrupted by Simeon and Solomon, with Solomon saying he wants MC to take care of this.

Lucifer asks why they’re here. Solomon says Barbatos told him and that the bogeyman was a perfect opportunity that they can’t let go to waste and that he wants to make it MC’s final exam. MC can say it sounds exciting or crazy, MC’s a lunatic so after they say the first Solomon is pleased and says he’d expect nothing less from his apprentice and that this is gonna be hard but it’ll make it more rewarding. Simeon laughs and says Solomon seems to have rubbed off on MC, he pauses and adds “in a good way”. Solomon smiling says that they’ll have Simeon with them as help. Simeon says he’d only come by to deliver cakes but had gotten kidnapped by Solomon. MC says they could use Simeon’s help, he’s silent for a moment but agrees though he says he doesn’t know how much help he’ll be. The others agree to come along to watch/help MC’s exam. Mammon gets all sparkly at the thought of his ‘sweet little brothers’ coming to help but Belphie says none of them are doing it for him or Levi but for MC instead. Levi says he feels like they really lucked out here. Solomon asks Lucifer if he has any protests. Lucifer looks tired and done but agrees to it all. They end up in a really creepy bloodstained hall bathed in red light. Beel asks Levi not to walk plastered on to him. Levi stutters and says he can’t. Mammon, also thoroughly freaked out, holds on to MC as they walk and says the hallway is really creepy. Asmo scolds him for using this as an excuse to hold MC. Lucifer tells them all to stfu. From the far end of the fall they hear growling until from the shadows something roars and comes charging towards them.  Mammon screams.

[blackberryjqm]

Can you name your Top5 ST characters and ships?

sorry it took me so long to get back to you, i really had to think about this one!

characters

will byers - i feel like i relate to will the most, out of the wide range of characters we are introduced to during the three seasons. he’s a little odd, on the outside at school and is generally sad. also, his fear of things changing and everyone moving forward without him? we are practically the same person (but i don’t have a bowl cut). i find him a fascinating character, through his experiences with the mindflayer and the upside down, and how those event affect the way he interacts with people. i’m really looking forward to seeing how his character progresses in the seasons to come. notable scenes: “the demogorgon. it got me.”, the whole of season two, “can we play d&d now?”, “is it early, michael?”

max mayfield - i really liked the way max was written, in both seasons (especially season 3) and really respect her feminist, the very best kind of friend, taking-none-of-mike-wheeler’s-shit attitude. she’s a strong, independent woman, and i really like her interactions with lucas. notable scenes: picking the lock to get into the av club, every time she sticks her finger up at billy, “well, it’s this legal term, called divorce.”, “boyfriends lie, all the damn time”, the entire shopping sequence, all of the el & max moments.

el - the way they wrote her very first interaction with max makes me want to curl up and die, but overall, el is independent, strong, and most importantly, a badass. even through rewatched, when i know what’s going to happen, i still get a thrill every time she saves the gang from an imminent threat. notable scenes: her facial expressions when mike tries to put the makeup on her, all her scenes with joyce, her season 2 haircut and overalls, “yeah, am i your little pet?”, literally getting a knife in her leg and walking on it later in the scene, every time she breathes

lucas sinclair - in my opinion, lucas is a really underrated character. he uses his wits, is realistic, and really cares for his friends. his skepticism of el, in the first season really shows how hard his grip on reality is, rather than mike who trusts her blindly. notable scenes: when he gives his whole spiel about el in season one and it’s kind of on a beat as if he was rapping, his insistence to befriend max, “is that a new zit?”, every time he fights with erica, his firework plan.

erica sinclair - listen, i know erica is mainly used for comedic relief, but i found her character really refreshing. along with having some of the most iconic lines of the series, she’s smart and alert and knows more about capitalism than i ever will. notable scenes: fighting with her brother almost every scene, “just the facts”, “you can’t spell america without erica,”, “plan child endangerment”, “i’m ten, you bald bastard!”

ships (i found this one a lot harder to come up with!)

max/lucas - as stated above, the interactions between max and lucas are funny and heartfelt, and i find them really sweet. i really enjoy their relationship dynamic. notable scenes: their talk at the junkyard in season 2, the snowball, the “is that a new zit?” scene, the very implication that they have broken up five times.

joyce/hopper - the will-they-won’t-they, fighting one minute, friends the next, just really want to protect my kid(s) kinda relationship. notable scenes: every single interaction between them, sharing cigarettes, enzos, “yes, every man i talk to from now on has to be my boyfriend”

nancy/jonathon - they went through so much together, fighting the demogorgon, exorcising will, even getting a job at the same place. even though they fight, i think their personality types just fit really well together. notable scenes: hunting the demogorgon together, visiting murray’s + the pullout joke, “sorry, i had a late night with fagin and the gang”, the entire hospital scene, every single time they’re in a car together.

mike/will - okay, sue me, i’m partial to a little byler. it would be interesting to see it represented in canon, but no matter how much subtext can be found between them, i doubt that the duffer brothers would scrap the relationship they’ve been building between mike/el for the last three seasons, no matter how iffy it came across last season. still, a girl can dream. notable scenes: mike’s determination to find him during season one, all of season two, “what if you want to join another party?”

dustin/susie - it had to be said, the running joke that susie doesn’t exist, only for her existence to be proven in the most inconvenient way, has got to be one of the best moments of season three. notable moments: the never ending story

thanks for the question, anon! i really enjoyed answering it!

[gwasgy]

Okay. So. Here’s an elaborate multiple days of brainstorming ideas as they come PracticalMagicnatural AU nonsense. Thank you.

- Bobby and Rufus would be the Aunts and they'd be bffs not siblings and would have Vibes but it would be... hm. This is not a Bufus story is what I'm saying.

- the Curse would be on the men and for the women they love of course (classic fridging :/)

- this works for Bobby, (Rufus,) John, and Sam. (Supernatural is bad)

- so this is where it's kind of. Hm. Bc Sally and Gillian are not one to one for either boy. Where Sally and Gillian BOTH have identities separating family and magic (family business), these ideas are inseparable for the brothers.

- alsooo dean and sam to BE dean and sam they would've had to be "raised" by john until they were at least near-grown, even if they had a home base at Bobby's house.

- John still kills himself with grief MAYBE but it's like /later/ and more through self destruction and revenge and alcoholism, leaving the boys to live their later teenage/early twenties in the Bufus household

- Azazel is the one killing all the Wives in this curse. And if they use The Resurrection Spell to bring them back, he is possessing them

- hmmmmmmmmm they need to still be hunters I think buuut what if. They also did witchcraft.

- Dean would cast the love summoning spell, making it so that he uses angel descriptors unwittingly or on purpose because he doesnt think angels are real and therefore cannot exist for him to fall in love with and kill (bc the curse)

- it would be fun and very cringe fail embarrassing for Dean if sometimes he thought about His Angel and accidentally occasionally prayed to Cas

- Anna could show up and be Dean's red herring

- Dean could be in an About to Die situation and think, as a joke or whatever, "fuck. I never even got to meet that hot angel chick that's in love with me," and Cas shows up (with wings bc hot), saves him, *handprints*, then leaves

- OR. There's a blinding light and screeching noise and Dean blacks out and wakes up with a handprint safe and sound

- Cas and The Guy From Practical Magic That's A Cop both bend the rules of their superiors for their person easily and pliantly. except for the initial pushback. Hm.

----

- it's weird bc in practical magic there's this whole vibe of I'm Done With Magic And You're Dragging Me Back Into This And Ruining My Life but sammy had gone away and rejected The Life THEN found the woman he loves and THEN tried to resurrect her mayyybeeeee wait wait wait it wouldn’t be Jess bc she isn’t evilll...

- DEAN would be the one with a bad boyfriend that they accidentally kill and have to resurrect... hmmmmm

- maybe it's like a Boy Best Friend of dean's like maybe he is on a hunt with Benny and he accidentally chops his damn head off and tries to resurrect him to cover it up

- and that fucks up something in the afterlife and Cas is sent to Fix The Problem of whatever the fuck happened to this guy's soul when they did this

----

- it's wonderful to think of the PTA mom shenanigans Dean and Sam could get into but I don't think that Dean would have any sort of kid in this besides maybe jack?

- I mean, it could be that Ben is still around and he was with Lisa but never Loved Her on principal, and left in time so the curse didn't fuck her up, but they're still friends and he will still pick Ben up from school sometimes

- I don't see how the phone tree could work into it but I don't think that it's necessary bc sam and dean and cas's version of this story does not and can not revolve around them being outsiders in their own community but overcoming it and accepting who you are and integrating into the community through girl power and witch magic

- BUT. the potential of sammy being possessed is yeah. It’s extremely. Yeah.

- They could have a nice bonding moment of I'm never gonna leave you you can do this like from Swan Song. Like Sally joining Gilly in the broom circle to help her while she’s being exorcised

- their brotherly bond is NOTHING like Sally and Gillian's, though. Like YES. they would no doubt help bury the body, but they aren't giggling about their love life under the covers together. They simply are not that type of girl

- also I guess there wouldn't be the tension of You're Ruining My Life That I've Constructed Just By Being Here between them.

- WELL.

- Dean WOULD say something shitty about cleaning up Sam's messes though. He is just that type of guy

----

- Dean can definitely be the one chopping and hacking at the rose bush and cas would DEFINITELY get distracted and heal him in the middle of his conversation with him

- Dean oh dean he and his close Boy Best Friends could totally fuck with the curse. Like-

- Dean: Oh my good friend Benny he’s the first person ive really allowed myself to get attatched to in a while but that’s fine! he can't die because i don't love or like him like that because he's a guy! Haha, I'm not gay! We are just guys being dudes just two bros hanging out :)

Benny: *dies anyway*

Dean: FUCK

- Sammy would totally make that new age witchy herbal shop that Sally had! that would be so fun. Also ft. periphery what the fuck is up with those people type locals

- maybe Rowena shows up still and Crowley is also there hmmmmm and Rowena teaches Sam magic stuff and it gets him to make the supernatural a part of his life again without having to do any hunting hmmmmmmm or it's just another tool in his arsenal and he just always deserves to have magic powers

- the supernatural ladies could work in the shop :) like Meg and Rowena and Ruby anndddd Alya :) Ava? The psychic hunger games MVP girl

- or all the kids work at that shop!! I miss those dang kids. Max, the twins, death lesbian, Jake, electric guy, and all them :)

- Rowena is like a witchy shop owner up in town that buys Sam's wares to sell in the city #CareerWoman #GirlBoss

- Jody and Donna can also hang out I guess. Since we're at Bobby's place

----

- Dean casts the love summoning spell after either Regular Heartbreak with Cassie, his first love, when he was 15 or whatever, OR after the behated Boy Best Friend death. Hmmmmmm

- it makes more sense for the story for dean to have someone die on him and apply to the curse. But I don't wanna kill Benny ):

- well I don't think he was ever In Love with Crowley or Benny like he was with Cassie (or even Lisa)

- when he was 15 or 14 and John was still around but had left him at the Bufus household he got hold of that love summoning spell and made sure it was impossible so he would never experience heartache again. He does so while crying teenagishly and 11 year old sam is like. Why the fuck are you summoning this weird monster girl to fall in love with you

- and Dean is like no no this kind of monster doesn't exist. Anyway they'd have glowing blue eyes and they're as big as a building and and they hear me whenever I call no matter far away

- Sam: that...... sounds like an angel, dean.

Dean, having already done the spell: WHAT. NO. NO IT'S NOT IT IS SO NOT LIKE AN ANGEL. ANGELS AREN'T REAL

- Cas in Heaven, a bunch of flower petals swirling around him: what the fuck is that. That's weird

- Cas like 13 years later when he sees a cajun zombie vampire demon: okay I'm already getting weird prayers from some guy down there I'm just gonna check that out

- by the time Cas gets down there they've killed it again and buried it and hmm

- It's weird because it's the opposite of Practical Magic here bc Cas is the one that needs to be believed about something supernatural BY dean

----

- what if they accidentally kill JOHN instead of a hot bf. Dean kills John bc John tries to kill Sam, and they panickedly try to resurrect him immediately

- yeah yeah yeah yeah and John, possessed by Azazel, gets killed again while still being possessed and is buried underground. There can still be a rose bush and frogs and whatnot

- I doon't know why Bobby and Rufus would just leave the brothers in their house if John was alive until then?

- Alright John's been missing for like 5 years and the boys have just been living there and assumed he's dead. Then he comes for Sammy bc Sam is Turning Evil or whatever and John's a huge loser about it

- so Bufus is like "you guys are acting insane and you aren't telling us what's wrong so we’re just going to leave and you're going to sort it out yourself." Like the aunts

- then, when cas shows up to track down the weird resurrected demon-possessed serial killer abomination Dean and Cas are EMBARRASSING like completely totally absolutely embarrassing cringe fail love where they can't talk normal with eachother and Cas keeps getting too close and staring but Dean forgets to tell him to back off or anything and he just stammers uselessly through thin dumb lies

- there aren't any children there to comically thwart Sam's plans to get rid of Castiel as he is investigating Dean and Sam but it could end similarly

- where Cas finds Sam making a small angel banishing symbol and is like "okay. You guys aren't to be trusted and you're doing something evil (and i don't understand what’s happening to me when i’m around Dean). I'm just straight up going to leave then" and boom he's gone

- the fight Sally and Gillian have right before Gillian gets possessed can play out pretty damn similarly with Sam and Dean, but it's a LOT different too

- like it's their DAD not some random serial killer bf. You can't choose your dingdang dad! So the part of "I cant keep cleaning up your messes" WHOSE MESSES who even says that to who whose mess could this even be

----

- Sam has a girlfriend that dies from the curse and it’s bc of being caught in the crossfire when Hunter Bullshit Happens. The Women of the Winchesters’ way. So he moves back specifically to get back into hunting and witchcraft to BREAK the curse hmmmmm.

- Much like Sally with Michael’s death. “I don't care what he comes back as. As long he comes back. Please do this for me. Please? Please? Please? Please?” :(

- I think Dean is an Of Course I’m Not Going To Fall In Love kinda character, like younger Sally before Michael. very pessimistic very self depreciating. He only confides his deepest darkest desires (to be loved simply and openly without fear of the Curse taking anyone. To be held and to take care of someone who will appreciate it) in his fakey fake pretend prayers to his imaginary angel (this turns out to be very cringe fail embarrassing when Cas shows up)

- Cas holds onto these prayers like Hallet (the cop from movie) does with Sally’s letter to Gillian, not knowing or understanding why he’s so fixated on them and why he can’t stop reading them/playing them back/listening in

- John… maybe he was pulling a Gordon and was killing all the psychic kids and was eventually going to have to kill Sam, and Cas was for some reason Put On The Case as an angel or was Allowed to Interfere or whatever bc it was fudging up God’s Plan

- and that’s how Cas justified being so fixated and taking notes on Dean’s prayers, like Hallet did with the letter. It was a good lead. It was about their father, and Sam seemed to be having psychic tendencies or whatever that could turn dangerous

----

- Okay okayokayokay so Sally and Gillian’s story is them escaping the ostracization they feel from the people in their physical regional community. The Owen’s family has always been outsiders, even before the curse came into being. They are persecuted for being witches (and sleeping around and being sexy).

- the sisters try to escape this either by just LEAVING: going to a place they can be themself without shame, or assimilating and abandoning a part of themself so that they can stay.

- the Winchester brothers are, I guess, ostracized by the hunting community because they are kept away from it and moved around a lot in the show. Okay okay okay okay okaywaitwaitwait

- Okay so the Winchesters feel alienated from both civilians and the hunting community, and they both eventually choose to do similar things to Sally and Gilly..! Sam LEAVES and assimilates, while Dean stays and just accepts his role his father gave him.

- Gilly and Sam LEAVE, while Dean and Sally STAY. Gillian and Dean embrace what makes them Different, while Sally and Sam reject it in favor of Being Normal

- The witchcraft/hunting thing especially doesn’t mesh well here though because Hunting is KILLING it’s literally murdering sentient beings. It’s war propaganda it’s desensitizing you to Even Though The Enemy Is Capable Of Good Individually They Are, As A Group, Evil And Should Be Slaughtered.

- Witchcraft in Practical Magic is just… a way of life that’s considered outside the accepted norms of society. It’s being openly queer, it’s being from a different country of origin, it’s being non-christian religious in a small town. Accepting witchcraft doesn’t have any moral good or badness, it’s just with or without the consequences of being “out” in your area. While accepting Hunting as a lifestyle is to accept putting yourself in bodily danger doing morally ambiguous/BAD things to protect people you can’t relate to or find a community in. Hmmmmmmmmmm

----

- Sam and Sally both have natural talents/instincts but don't want to use it in favor of being "normal"

-

[braincoins]

Unusual Halloween Movies

Tired of Jason, Freddy, and Michael? Want something new this year? Boy, do I have some treats lined up for you! I’ve used JustWatch to list the streaming options (though these are US streaming options; I maaaaay be up for some streaming fun on Halloween...). I’ll tell you right now, this list can almost perfectly be broken into three categories: Horror-Comedy, Sci-Fi Horror, or International Horror.

American Mary -  A medical student drowning under tuition debt finds a lucrative practice when she enters the world of body modification. ngl, I remember liking this movie but it’s been a bit since I saw it, so for the CONTENT WARNINGS I’m going to straight up rip the MPAA here: Rated R for strong aberrant violent content including disturbing images, torture, a rape, sexual content, graphic nudity, language and brief drug use

Ava’s Possessions - Ever wonder what life is like once all your demons have been exorcised - literally? Now that Ava is free of the demon that once possessed her, she’s out of a job, down a few friends, and facing charges for the acts of violence her demon did. The only way to get out of trouble is to go to the demon-equivalent of AA. CONTENT WARNINGS: mostly blood and bad language; some mild sexual content 

Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon - A journalism grad student interviews a young man in training to be the next slasher killer, ala Jason/Freddy/Michael. An absolute treat of a movie for anyone who loves slasher films; it’s about 3/4 mockumentary, 1/4 actual horror film when she realizes that, no, really, he’s going to go kill all those co-eds. CONTENT WARNINGS: Blood, gore, naked boobs (”Ugh. Is that REALLY necessary?” “Now, Taylor, who’s telling this story?”), sex, occasional panty shots (because, again, slasher films). 

Bubba Ho-Tep - OH MAN another one I had to go back and add in ‘cause REALLY NOW. Elvis is in a nursing home (at least, he says he’s the real Elvis) and he and JFK (who is played by Ossie Davis - who you will note is NOT white) have to fight off a resurrected mummy who sucks the souls of the living out of their assholes. Bruce Campbell stars. HOW IS THAT NOT AWESOME ENOUGH FOR YOU?! CONTENT WARNING: Um... look, I think you kinda already know what sort of content to expect given what I just told you about the story.

Bulbbul (Netflix Original) -  (Hindi Language) During the 19th century Bengali Presidency, something - or someone? - is haunting the woods around a lord’s estate, killing men in gruesome ways. The lord has left his estate in charge of his young wife, while his younger brother, who’d been away studying in London, returns to hunt down whatever is causing these mysterious deaths. CONTENT WARNINGS: child bride, blood, and what Netflix calls “sexual violence”, meaning a rape scene so graphic (despite not showing any nudity or genitalia) that it is GUARANTEED to make you uncomfortable. The movie was written and directed by a woman, so there is nothing intended to be “sexy” about this at all. If you can make it through that scene, though, there is a definite payoff for it. (Or should I say “payback”?)

Eli (Netflix Original) - A young, incredibly sick boy with a fragile immune system is brought by his parents to a clinic for an experimental treatment that may be their last hope. But all is not as it seems within the walls of this place... perhaps literally. CONTENT WARNINGS: mostly just language, a few mild jump scares. People get set on fire at one point. No biggie. 

Errementari: the Blacksmith and the Devil (Netflix Original) - (Basque Language) Based on a Basque folk tale. Eight years after the First Carlist War, a government official comes to a small, impoverished Basque town asking after the blacksmith. Everyone tries to warn him away; the blacksmith is an evil, evil man. But he is on the trail of some Carlist gold that might be in the smithy, and the prospect of the gold wins him some helpers. And while everyone is distracted by that, a young orphan girl manages to get onto the blacksmith’s property. And what she finds there, no one could have expected... CONTENT WARNINGS: I took a screenshot of Netflix’s list of warnings just because it amuses me:

[sings “One of these things is not like the others...”]

Europa Report - Look, I really can’t recommend this enough for fans of found-footage features and people who can stand slower-paced, constantly-building terror. An international mission is sent to investigate Europa, one of the moons of Jupiter. (Those of you who are fans of real-world space exploration know that Europa is considered a prime target for extraterrestrial life within our solar system.) Contact was lost with the mission for a long time, until the data streams came flooding into Earth all at once. And what they showed... CONTENT WARNINGS: Like I said: slower pace than most horror/thriller movies. It builds slow and steady. There’s really not much in the way of blood and gore, though; an excellent example of terror without resorting to buckets of red corn syrup.

Event Horizon - Hellraiser in Space? Hellraiser in Space. Except the Lamentation Configuration is a fucking SPACE SHIP. Also, props for genre-savvy cast. CONTENT WARNINGS: EYE SCREAM. Blood, gore, and, no really, THE EYE THING. Did I mention the gore and the blood? Oh, and language. And blink-and-you-miss it nudity & sex.

Grabbers - Strange creatures are attacking a small Irish coastal town and the only way to protect yourself is... to be drunk? CONTENT WARNINGS: I mean, it’s Irish and everyone’s drunk, so bad language (by American standards) is a given. That’s... really about it, unless you have a tentacle phobia.

Green Room -  An up-and-coming punk band show up to play a gig and realize too late that they’re playing at a Neo-Nazi club. And when they happen to see something they... really shouldn’t have, it becomes an all-out fight for survival. Same director as Murder Party, though this movie was made later with a much better budget. CONTENT WARNINGS: Violence, blood, gore, and yes, some dogs die because they were trained to be vicious attack dogs by Neo-Nazis. :( Also, the most important content warning of all? PATRICK STEWART PLAYS A NEO-NAZI. (You think I’m joking, but for someone who grew up with him as Jean-Luc Picard, it is downright unsettling to see, okay?)

Life - Think Alien meets Europa Report (above). The six-member crew of the International Space Station are given a sample from Mars that might contain actual extraterrestrial life.  CONTENT WARNINGS: Blood. No, let me say that again: BLOOD. Sounds of bones breaking. Alien creature entering someone’s mouth and killing them from the inside (probably through a combination of choking them/asphyxiating them on their own blood/devouring their blood? It’s not clear, it’s just UNSETTLING).

Murder Party - This is what happens when snobby art school brats try to kill someone. (Read: it doesn’t go well.) Fuckin’ bop of a Halloween song over the end credits, too. Also, at least two characters are canonically bisexual. Same director as Green Room, though this movie was made first (with a much lower budget). CONTENT WARNINGS: bad language, blood, gore, nudity, mild sexual content (the nudity is supposed to be “artistic”). The dog probably DOES die, given the circumstances, but it doesn’t happen on screen, at least? And the dog gets some pretty decent comeuppance first... Also, 1000000% accurate cat representation. 

The Perfection (Netflix Original) - A former cello virtuoso (virtuosa?) gets in touch with her former teacher and meets his new star pupil. An instant connection is formed between the two women... or is it? (Yes, there are lesbians!) CONTENT WARNINGS: oh chaos, where do I start? Bugs under the skin, hacking off body parts, blood, gore, mild sexual content, sexual abuse, and the movie itself is complete and utter MINDFUCKERY. Did you like “Tales from the Crypt” as a kid? You’ll probably dig this. 

Ravenous - With apologies to all Native Americans, but at least they did get actual Native American actors for those parts (George is played by a Pueblo actor; his sister Martha is played by an actress of Menominee and Stockbridge-Munsee descent). A soldier who won a questionable victory during the Mexican-American war is given a hero’s status and then an exile to a remote fort in the Sierra Nevadas. Not long after he arrives, a would-be settler arrives with a harrowing tale, calling for help for what few survivors there are of his wagon train. The two friendly Native Americans at the fort issue warnings that go unheeded, of course. CONTENT WARNINGS: Blood, gore, cannibalism, PTSD.

Slither - James Gunn’s 2006 Feature Movie Directorial Debut! He wrote it, too. An homage to B-movie gore flicks like you’d see at the drive-in. I am just copying and pasting the IMDB summary ‘cause I love this movie too much to be concise about it: A small town is taken over by an alien plague, turning residents into zombies and all forms of mutant monsters. (Oh, but don’t forget the nasty, slithery blood worm things!) CONTENT WARNINGS: Nasty, slithery blood worm things. GORE, BLOOD, GORE, GORE. A very uncomfortable sex scene. Michael Rooker.

They’re Watching - An American TV crew filming what is essentially “House Hunters: Eastern Europe” stumble into superstitions, folklore, and... TERROR!! MWAHAHAHAHA. No, seriously, I LOVE how it’s basically “What if some HGTV crew wound up waaaaaaaay in over their heads, in a horrible and bloody way?” CONTENT WARNINGS: Blood, gore, and NO WI-FI.

[david-watts]

Favorite Ray/Dave stories

I have to live up to the story of when ray tried selling dave to david watts for a house lmao. that was, in a fucked up way, kinda iconic, and my url has been david-watts for around two years, aside from a couple of deviations.

the fact that ray’s tooth gap is a result of him running away screaming from baby dave when ray was four

this isn’t strictly dave/ray but the fact that there was the house ‘whore’s hovel’, in which mick avory’s room was named ‘spunker’s squalor’, which was essentially an orgy house the next owners had exorcised, and dave brought his mother around to. something really tells me you shouldn’t take your mother to your fuck house david russell gordon davies. something really tells me that. also I think it was at that house that mick and dave would have competitions to see who would get dressed the latest in which dave would give up around mid afternoon, which kinda contradicts the idea he liked breakfast dates

there was also when michael aldred broke up with dave because he kept bringing home other dudes and the breaking point was michael setting up a romantic dinner and then dave stumbles in with another guy. shame for michael tbh

on the... less chaotic but still not wholesome side there was that time ray had to have a tracheotomy I believe? and dave woke up in the middle of the night saying he couldn’t breathe or something along those lines I’d really have to check

and lastly this isn’t actual kinks stuff but I cannot think of dave and ray interactions without thinking of the davies brothers at the breakfast table video. that’s a piece of pure art

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

Spider-Man: The Darkest Hours Thoughts

Many years ago I was contacted by someone who recommended this novel to me and others from a Mary Jane fan point of view. You can read the recommendation here.

Whilst I own the novel and started it at least twice for whatever reason I stopped reading it before the start of the first big action set piece. However since Dreamscape audio released the novel on audiobook I’ve finally been able to experience it for myself.

So how’d it fair? SPOILERS ahead

I don’t usually do this these days but because this story is relatively obscure I’m going to provide a synopsis. Or more accurately marvel.wiki is:

“Even though he is a chemistry teacher, Peter Parker has now been forced to be a substitute basketball coach over at Midtown High where he works. His ineptness soon negatively draws the attention of basketball star Samuel Larkin, who challenges Peter and refuses to cooperate with his own teammates. Going over the player's records, Peter soon discovers that Larkin has not taken all of the required vaccines needed to play at the school, which will mean his automatic expulsion from the team for the remainder of the season, as well as dwindle his chances of getting a scholarship to a good university.

After a long day of coaching, Peter returns home and discovers that Mary Jane has won a part as Lady Macbeth in Shakespeare's Macbeth. However, the play is held in Atlantic City, so in order to compensate for the long drive, MJ bought a car despite not having a driver's license, let alone any idea how to drive. They began discussing whether or not Peter should teach her. In the middle of the talk, however, the Rhino attacks Times Square, so Peter leaves to go fight him as Spider-Man.

While on the way there, Spider-Man runs into Black Cat, who claims the rampage is a trap and that Peter should not go. He ignores her warning, though, and continues to head there. Peter easily defeats Rhino, knocking him unconscious in the process. Just as he does, however, the siblings of Morlun - Thanis, Malos, and Mortia - appear. They blame Spider-Man for their brother's death despite the Other being the true person who ripped his throat out, and now want revenge by killing him. Spidey initially flees, but with the help of a SWAT team and Black Cat he eventually takes them on (he also seeks help from Doctor Strange but is declined, with Strange asserting that his interference would harm the cosmic balance). Mary Jane comes to the fight scene and becomes jealous that Felicia is able to help Peter fight the siblings, as well as how the siblings are treating her husband. Enraged, she takes her car and runs Morlun's siblings over, distracting them and giving Spider-Man the time needed to banish them to a barren netherworld using three trinkets Strange had secretly arranged to be given to him.”

Let me get some admissions out of the way.

a)      I’ve not read a ton of Spider-Man/comic book based novels, although I own the majority of the Spider-Man ones that Wikipedia claim exist. I dunno why, I just never manage to get around to them for whatever reason. Perhaps it’s because comic book superheroes being designed for a visual medium which so often emphasises action makes the jump to prose (or in this case audio) difficult. Indeed I must admit when reading/listening I do zone out a bit when action scenes occur.

b)      I’m not familiar with the work of Jim Butcher although I hear great things

c)       I’d actually forgotten the specifics of the recommendation for this book. I just remember it was recommended and it was because it should feed the MJ fan/shipper in me and others. Forgetting this was lucky actually as it allowed me to enjoy some aspects of the books I’d otherwise have not been surprised by.

Let’s also get the technical aspects out of the way since this is an audio book I am discussing.

The narrator, Jack Meloche is...okay...mostly.

I find his performance of Peter a little too nasaly and early on in the audiobook you do have to kind of power through his performances of Mary Jane and especially Felicia. By the end of the story I grew to tolerate them but never love them. Hearing a grown ass man do his best to convey a sultry kinda sorta femme fatale can be a bit cringe inducing I must admit. His best performance is as the Rhino though.

Other things you should know is that this novel is loosely in continuity with ‘Spider-Man: Drowned in Thunder’ (which I talked about here),

https://hellzyeahwebwieldingreviews.tumblr.com/post/140091613524/spider-man-drowned-in-thunder-my-thoughts

another novel from the same range of books. It was published and is set after the events of this novel and both are set chronologically during the J. Michael Straczynski ASM run prior to Spider-Man joining the New Avengers.

I’ll be upfront with you I found ‘Drowned in Thunder’ to be better for the most part and downright ingenious. It did not however use Mary Jane as much or as critically as this story. She was important but didn’t have as big of a role as she does here. Does that make one novel better or worse than the other? Neither, they’re just different. It’s healthy to mix up the emphasis certain supporting characters get after all.

Looking at ‘Darkest Hours’ on it’s own merits for the most part it nails the characters in terms of the sentiments but my personal problems with it are in the presentation at times. Not even all the time just some of the time.

Let me put it more clearly.

There is exactly one scene featuring Aunt May, specifically a phone conversation. And this phone conversation progresses into a very involved inspirational speech from May to Peter about how awesome he is as a person/hero and the scene’s drama stems from the fact that Peter might be fighting his last battle soon after this. Are the sentiments Aunt May expressing in character? Of course. Are these things she would say? Yes!...but...I felt it was kind of...off that her one scene in the whole story is her showing up and giving the most involved inspirational speech Spider-Man has ever gotten from her or anyone else. Spider-Man 2’s backyard scene was tame by comparison. I just feel it would’ve been better for May to have both featured in some way prior to that scene and for the speech to have been dialled back a bit.

Much more relevantly though is the book’s handling of Peter and MJ’s relationship.

Throughout the novels there are scenes of Peter and Mary Jane being very much in love. The most common way this is expressed is via Peter complimenting Mary Jane in his head.

Would Peter feel this way about Mary Jane. 100% yes! But...I don’t know if it was the vocal performance, the fact that we have this back in the comics now, or really JUST me but personally I kinda...cringed a bit.

I’m not saying it’s bad!

I’m not even saying it could be better!

I’m sure there are many readers who adore this.

I’m not well versed in romance fiction so maybe I’m missing something here and actually it’s perfectly acceptable or great writing.

I’m saying just for me personally again...I’d have wanted it dialled back. It just got a little much, a little cringey for me personally.

But you know that happened sometimes in the JMS run which I loved and agree with everyone else wrote the marriage better than it has ever been written.

Speaking of Straczynski we really need to talk about his Spider-Man work.

Commonly original Spider-Man novels (i.e. not novelizations) that are trying to vaguely present themselves as being canon (so we aren’t talking about stuff like ‘Hostile Takeover’ set in the Marvel Gamerverse) try to have synergy with the status quo of the day or a very recent one.

This novel is no exception. My research tells me it was published in 2006 and whilst it’s not reflective of the then status quo of the comics where Spider-Man was unmasked and a member of the Avengers, it is reflective of the dominant status quo immediately preceding that which ended circa 2004-2005.

To refresh your memory that involves Peter being a teacher at Midtown High, Mary Jane being an aspiring stage actress who recently reconciled with Peter, and both Aunt May and Black Cat knowing his secret. To drive the point home about just when this novel is set there is an entire dialogue exchange discussing the idea of him hypothetically  joining the Avengers. A discussion that in my eyes throws some wonderful shade at the idea.

This is the same status quo that ‘Drowned in Thunder’ was set during but ‘Darkest Hours’ hardcore embraces  this status quo in a way ‘Drowned in Thunder’ never did. ‘Drowned in Thunder’ if anything drew more from the Paul Jenkins PPSM run than JMS’ run and exempting Aunt May being in on the secret felt like with a few changes it could’ve exorcised every other element of his run. Peter’s teaching job was a factor in the story but it was used as a brilliant and organic segue way into a Bugle/Jonah centric investigation.

‘Darkest Hours’ though...doesn’t do that.

Rather it is practically a lost arc from JMS’ run. No, not his ‘era’ wherein we’re talking about every title during his time in charge. I mean that if this was a comic book story it could’ve been straight up slotted in directly before or after ‘Sins Past’ and no one would’ve batted an eye.

The way the story tries to handle Peter’s marriage to Mary Jane, Peter’s teaching job, the inclusion of Doctor Strange and Dex, the potted history of Ezekiel, the direct references to Shathra and friggin ASM #500, and of course Morlun’s siblings. This FEELS like the JMS run!

And for a lot of people that’s going to be a huge deal breaker for this novel.

In my experience of Spider-Man fandom whilst there is a lot of appreciation of JMS’ run it was divisive for various reasons. A lot of people just for whatever reason turned off by Peter being a teacher (or more accurately not being a photographer for the Bugle) and recoil even more over the presence of mystical elements like Morlun or Doctor Strange.

Now if you liked or tolerated that stuff then this novel is a hidden gem of sorts, whether you want a shot of nostalgia or just found that stuff compelling.

Me personally, I liked the first half of the JMS run for the most part. And Jesus Christ looking back at it after what we got after he left it’s a Hell of a lot better.

Say what you want about Ezekiel and Peter being a teacher but I’d take that stuff over fucking Superior Spider-Man and Parker Industries!

Of course the elephant in the room regarding this novel in the modern day is that it predates Spider-Verse and Spider-Geddon as stories establishing Morlun had a family.

And...did...it...BETTER!

In Spider-Verse/Geddon Morlun was the main character and his family had unbearably simplistic personalities that boiled down to being variant action figures of him!

Now don’t get it twisted. Mortia and her brothers are a million miles away from the greatest villains in Spider-Man history. In fact they have LESS personality than Morlun did.

And yet in context this actually works for the story more effectively than in Spider-Verse/Geddon.

Morlun as originally presented was essentially a very eloquent predator and a hunter, not quit a full on force of nature but close to it. He was intimidating because he really didn’t do anything besides hunt Spider-Man and want to eat him.

Where Spider-Verse/Geddon failed was in reintroducing Morlun and then immediately watering him down by having him appear alongside his variant action figure family with moments and even back up stories told specifically from their POVs. Sure JMS gave us moments focussing on Morlun’s character outside of Spider-Man or Morlun, but they existed to introduce  the character and briefly build him up before we realize just how utterly outclassed Spider-Man is against him. When we already know who the Hell Morlun is we don’t need scenes focussing upon him because he isn’t a character who can support that level of attention. Nor should he be because he’s SUPPOSED to be a one not hunting and killing machine basically.

That’s why this novel makes better use of ‘the Ancients’ than S-V/G made of ‘the Inheritors’. We don’t have scenes from their POV thus they can basically be what Morlun was when Spider-Man first met him. Ruthless predators on the hunt, except now there are three of them so Spider-Man is truly screwed!

The plot cleverly focuses instead on the characters who have to DEAL with the impending threat the Ancients pose rather than trying to pretend these guys have actual characters. Butcher also makes them much scarier than the Inheritors because rather than monsters who basically just port in wherever and kill indiscriminately, the Ancients have riches and resources. They are a part of society and Peter is racing against the clock hoping those resources don’t zero in on who he is and where his family lives. This dread, this tension is delectable and far more effective than what Slott of Gage ever did. It helps that we actually see Peter reacting believably to the pressure and stress of his potential demise rather than be a generic and passive as he was in Spider-Verse.

Also the fact they appear alone rather than alongside Morlun is better too as it means Morlun doesn’t look less unique and they look less like variant action figures.

Additionally Butcher does a great job fleshing out the backstory to the Ancients, helping to integrate them well into the established Marvel Universe, developing their abilities and how they worked. Hell he even remembered how they were supposed to work as JMS defined them rather than how Spider-Verse and Spider-Geddon just ignored these abilities and did whatever they wanted. For instance Butcher establishes clearly the Ancients CAN feed off of life forms other than Spider-Man as opposed to S-V/G just having them do that with no explanation and feed off of just anyone. Butcher also remembered Morlun saying that eating Peter would sustain him for a looooooong time and incorporated it into the plot. Similarly he provided a clear explanation for why Spider-Man couldn’t simply use the same trick he used against Morlun again (because he’s outnumbered!) or get help from other heroes like Doctor Strange. Speaking of which we got one of the best ever explanations for how magic works in the Marvel Universe ever. Wasn’t expecting that nor for Wong to be so delightful!

The only real misstep Butcher makes as far as the Ancients are concerned is the idea of the Rhino being a potential snack for them when he never got his powers from a real rhino or anything like that. He was even referenced as one of the pretenders to totem powers by Ezekiel. I guess you could that the Lizard (who was also referenced) should  count so...whatever the rules aren’t clear here.

Let’s leave our main villains behind and talk instead about our more grey characters.

So yeah...Jim Butcher wrote one of the all time great Rhino stories here!

Again wasn’t expecting that!

The Rhino in Aunt May’s home breaking bread with Spider-Man is so insane an image that you’d love it for the absurdity alone, but Butcher makes it totally organic. He also keeps Rhino in character (with the exception of a time he refused to kill Spider-Man which I don’t remember being a real story) and fleshes him out rather wonderfully. He draws some great parallels between Rhino and Spider-Man and frankly the scene where Mary Jane is literally shaking with laughter over these comparisons is unquestionably the highlight of the whole novel!

What was really great was that Butcher didn’t change the Rhino or compromise him. He’s still a mercenary, he’s still not really a good guy, but he’s more human. He doesn’t like Spider-Man, he wants to beat him, but he also on a certain level respects him.

It’s just expertly done!

Then there is Felicia. Had Spencer not already fixed Felicia this story would’ve ignited fury within me. Not because this was bad but rather that this story used Felicia so wonderfully that BND and Slott’s ruination of her would’ve stung all the more.

Felicia is purrrrrrrfect here!

Not quite good, not quite bad, sultry, catty, territorial, smart, aggressive, dangerous, loyal. Butcher NAILED her character!

The fact he uses her to open up a philosophical debate about the differences and moral justifications between Peter, herself and the Rhino is inspired. There are differences but the lines aren’t as clear cut as Peter treats them as. In a sense he really does have a bit of a double standard in regards to her and everyone else. This isn’t the only time Butcher brings out Peter’s flaws very well. The scene where Peter has momentary lapses into light machismo are well done. Spider-Man is a hero but he ain’t perfect that’s why we love him!

This brings us to Felicia and Mary Jane. Sorry...I love it. Maybe it’s problematic, maybe it’s problematic that I do love it...but I just do.

Okay from a strict continuity point of view Butcher puts MJ and Felicia at greater odds than they really should be. By this point in time there were tensions but there was also friendship. Truth be told Butcher puts that friendliness in there but only at the very end of MJ and Felicia’s arc together and the resolution to the tensions are off-page. And yet...what can I say the pure soap opera of it was fun for me on a very base level. Who says marriage is free of tension again?????

The peak of my enjoyment was when the pair were just unrestrained hurling insults at one another. Again, shallow I know, but it was just fun for me and I really loved Peter having to step up and be the grown up in that situation and coldly let everyone know where they all stand. MJ doesn’t get to talk to Felicia that way because she’s their friend. Felicia doesn’t get to talk to MJ that way because she’s his wife.

This brings us to Mary Jane herself. Apart from again the romance stuff for me personally going a bit too far she’s mostly done very well. She’s supportive, she has a subplot of her own dealing with a real life problem (learning to drive), she makes mistakes, she’s great at analysing Peter,  and helping figure things out via being a confidant. Oh and she totally saves the day at the end. No straight up she does. If not for MJ the day would’ve been lost and Spider-Man would’ve been dead.

It was such a baller as fuck scene I am slightly pissed off that it wasn’t realized as a comic. Her throwing shade at Doctor Strange was also priceless.

The final thing to mention is the subplot involving one of Peter’s students.

I am once again going to draw comparisons to both the JMS run and ‘Drowned in Thunder’ as they are apt here.

Okay basically strictly speaking the subplot regarding Peter helping one of his underprivileged kids retain a spot on the basketball team was a weak spot of the storytelling. Not because it was necessarily bad (though a 30something trying to write ‘inner city youths’ leaves something to be desired) but because it really didn’t tie into the main plot all that much.

In ‘Drowned in Thunder’ Peter’s teaching job was integrated seamlessly.

But in this you could tweak the novel and exorcise the whole subplot. It’s relevance really is mostly thematic (Peter and the kid both need to embrace team work to succeed) and to illustrate character traits of Peter Parker. He’s so responsible he would still make time to help out this poor student even whilst his life is potentially ticking away. Nor will he abandon this kid to save his own skin, even though the kid’s physical life might not be endangered at all if he did.

Now that all being said I LIKE the subplot’s inclusion. Not only because it does demonstrate Peter’s character and the lesson he needs to learn for this story, but because I view it as part and parcel of this book’s mission to be a lost JMS story.

Really the subplot could’ve been one of the handful of stories told during the JMS run concerning Peter helping out his impoverished students. If viewed as part and parcel of trying to capture the ‘flavour’ of the era the subplot succeeds.

Finally I must say I loved Peter’s words of defiance before his possible demise.

Over all I’d say this was a very strong story. Okay, as an over all package not quite as good as ‘Drowned in Thunder’ but still up there, with moments and aspects that are as good if not superior to the latter.

Highly recommended.

P.S. I can’t believe we got development and a great use out of Dex of all the obscure characters out there!

[mittensmorgul]

With regard to Sam’s actions toward Dean in the final scenes of 14.12, please have this reminder from 4.04:

SAM: What, are you, are you leaving? DEAN: You don't need me. You and Ruby go fight demons. DEAN grabs his bag and starts for the door. SAM stands in the way so DEAN has to go around him. SAM: Hold on. Dean, come on, man. DEAN turns around and punches him in the face with his right hand. SAM whirles around by the force. DEAN just watches him as he turns back around to DEAN. SAM: You satisfied? DEAN hits him again, and then throws his bag on the floor. SAM touches his lip, which is bleeding. SAM: I guess not. DEAN: Do you even know how far off the reservation you've gone? How far from normal? From human? SAM: I'm just exorcising demons. DEAN (yelling): With your mind! (calmer) What else can you do? SAM: I can send them back to hell. It only works with demons, and that's it. DEAN grabs hold of him and pushes him backwards, walking with the force. DEAN: What else can you do?! SAM: I told you! SAM pushes his hand away, and they stop. DEAN: And I have every reason in the world to believe that. He begins to walk away from SAM. SAM: Look, I should have said something. DEAN stops, his back still to SAM. SAM: I'm sorry, Dean. I am. But try to see the other side here. DEAN turns around and faces him. DEAN: The other side? SAM: I'm pulling demons out of innocent people. DEAN: Use the knife! SAM: The knife kills the victim! What I do, most of them survive! Look, I've saved more people in the last five months than we save in a year. DEAN: That what Ruby want you to think? Huh? Kind of like the way she tricked you into using your powers? He shakes his head, sad. DEAN: Slippery slope, brother. Just wait and see. Because it's gonna get darker and darker, and God knows where it ends. SAM: I'm not gonna let it go too far. DEAN smiles at that, walks over to the wall and hits the lamp on the side table, making it crash and fly. DEAN looks angry again. DEAN: It's already gone too far, Sam. If I didn't you know... I would wanna hunt you. SAM's eyes are tearful, and he nods at that, looking down. DEAN: And so would other hunters. SAM looks up at him. SAM: You were gone. I was here. I had to keep on fighting without you. And what I'm doing... It works. DEAN: Well, tell me. If it's so terrific... then why'd you lie about it to me?

Sam had something terrible inside him, and was trying to do something good with it. A supernatural being told him this was the only way to do something good with it. Sam trusted that because he had no reason not to, because the result seemed Objectively Good. And yet, he’d lied about it, hidden it from Dean and Bobby both, because deep down, he knew Dean would object. Not because Dean is a controlling jerk who was upset that Sam would do this Big Thing without him, but because he recognized the inherent wrongness of it, because Dean was not subjected internally to that wrongness and could actually see the situation objectively.

Now in 14.12, Dean has something terrible inside him, and was trying to do something good with it. A supernatural being told him this was the only way to do something good with it. Dean trusted that because he had no reason not to, because the result seemed Objectively Good. And yet, he’d lied about it, hidden it from Sam and Cas both, because deep down he knew they’d object. Not because Sam and Cas are controlling jerks who would be upset that Dean was doing this Big Thing without them, but because they would recognize the inherent wrongness of it, because they were not subjected internally to that wrongness and could actually see the situation objectively.

Every argument I’ve seen suggesting that Sam was Wrong™ to try to stop Dean from carrying out this plan has been predicated on the insistence that Dean was being 100% truthful about what Billie instructed him to do. It’s also predicated on the insistence that Dean is actually able to be rational in the face of this plan while Michael’s rattling around in his noggin.

Of course, Dean’s the only one who can decide for himself when he can’t take that rattling anymore, or know when Michael’s escape is imminent, but so far he hasn’t even MENTIONED Michael’s status to Sam or Cas. He’s keeping that information to himself. And we only have Dean’s word on what Billie’s book actually said, or what other instructions she may have provided him. And honestly? I don’t trust his objectivity on that right now, and thank fuck, neither does Sam.

Because Sam has been in this exact spot. And when he was? Dean kinda fucked it all up. For reference: please see all of s4. So yeah, Sam is not approaching Dean from some base clinginess or childishness here. And suggesting it is does Sam a HUGE disservice. He’s been cautiously approaching Dean in the way he probably wishes Dean had approached him when he was equally off the wagon back in s4. Oh, the trauma they could’ve prevented if they’d both only spent a little less time antagonistically mistrustful of each other and instead doing their best to be supportive like they’re all trying to do now in s14.

Because Sam has matured a hell of a lot in the last ten years. He’s been taking on the role of level-headed leader since long before Dean ever said yes to Michael. He worked (literally!) tirelessly to find a way to save Dean from Michael after the fact, and has consistently been portrayed as a rational, mature adult.

But Sam had even learned this particular lesson back in 5.18, i.e. the last time Dean pulled this sort of Farewell Tour, even with the textual comparison to suicide:

DEAN: How’d you find me? SAM: You’re going to kill yourself, right? It’s not too hard to figure out the stops on the Farewell Tour. How’s Lisa doing, anyways? DEAN: I’m not going to kill myself. SAM: No? So Michael’s not about to make you his Muppet? What the hell, man? This is how it ends? You just…walk out? DEAN: Yeah, I guess. SAM: How could you do that? DEAN: How could I? All you’ve ever done is run away. SAM: And I was wrong. Every single time I did. Just…please. Not now. Bobby is working on something. DEAN: Oh, really? What? SAM doesn’t answer. DEAN: You got nothing and you know it. SAM: You know I have to stop you. DEAN: Yeah, well, you can try. Just remember: You’re not all hopped up on demon blood this time. SAM: Yeah, I know. But I brought help. DEAN turns around to find CASTIEL standing behind him. CASTIEL touches his fingers to DEAN’s forehead, knocking him out.

So I gotta ask, if Dean’s plan is so terrific, why’d he lie about it? And if this is the One True Fate, why isn’t Dean fighting against it at all? What could make Dean abandon everything he ever believed-- outside of his darkest moments of hopeless despair like that one in 5.18-- and accept Fate?

Because Billie didn’t put that book in his hands and say, “This is what you must do to save the world.” In fact, she kinda said the opposite. So how badly does one have to read into her non-instruction over a prophecy we don’t even know the text of and insist that Dean’s interpretation is the One True Right Good Thing To Do Without Question and Everyone Else Is Abusive and Wrong to stop him?

What Billie ACTUALLY told him:

Billie: I warned you about the danger of jumping from world to world. But you ignored me, didn’t you? Dean: Rescuing mom and Jack, helping out those other folks, I’d say it was worth it. Billie: And just look at you now. Do you remember visiting my reading room? The shelves and shelves of notebooks describing the ways you might die? Dean: Yeah. Upbeat classics. Billie: Well, It’s the funniest thing. But they’ve all been rewritten. They all end the same way now-- With the archangel Michael escaping your mind and using you as his vessel to burn down this world. Dean: All of them? Billie: All of them. Except one. [she hands the book to Dean, and Dean opens it] Dean: What am I supposed to do with this? Billie: That’s up to you. [Dean looks down at the book again in horror, and when he looks up again, Billie is gone]

She started by reminding Dean, after he cavalierly insisted that Michael is contained, that it’s not a permanent solution. She began their entire conversation by deflecting from Dean’s reminder that she herself had broken a rule by interfering and zapping them all back to the bunker in the first place, but turning it all around on him. And yeah, he could’ve heeded her warning and stayed out of the AU, but we know that AU Michael had been long-planning to find a way to OUR world, even before Lucifer and Mary essentially landed in his lap. He’d had Kevin working on that spell to open the portal, and likely would’ve eventually succeeded anyway. The way he DID end up arriving here, without his angel armies, was likely the Less Terrible thing to have happen, in a twisted way. But all that’s beside the point, because Dean can’t disagree with her that it was his own meddling that landed him in this position in the first place.

He argues that it was still worth it to be able to save Mary (and Jack, but again, Jack only ended up there due to their own meddling), and the handful of AU Hunters who made it through the portal with them. But this was what Billie had cautioned about the cosmic house of cards Dean was playing with.

So she immediately gives him some more information to push him into feeling the horror and immediacy of his situation, which he had not felt was so pressing ten seconds earlier. She tells him ALL of his potential causes of death have been rewritten, and ALL of them end with Michael using his vessel to burn down the world.

Ten seconds earlier, Dean had been distressed by Mikey having a tantrum in his brain fridge, but he had not felt there was an imminent threat from Michael escaping. He’d been open to researching another solution, to investigating, to waiting and seeing and working with his loved ones to find a better way.

The MOMENT Billie put that book in Dean’s hands, she shattered his faith in himself, and in his family.

AND WE STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE BOOK ACTUALLY SAYS.

Do we really think it’s detailed plans for the Ma’lak box and a map of the Pacific Ocean with an X over where Dean needed to toss himself? I’m not that stupid, sorry. Because Dean found the plans for the box in a book he stole from the Bunker. Billie... did not give it to him. She didn’t even stick around after handing him his supposed Destiny.

In fact, she didn’t tell him he needed to do this to save the world. She told him THAT’S UP TO YOU. Not “follow these directions.” And instead of giving Dean hope, it snuffed out that one spark of hope he’d been holding on to up to that point.

So why are we trusting anything Dean has to say about this, when his words have contradicted the limited information we have been given so far?

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

[azreaelthefallen]

Mun posts

Part 1: The Basics 1. What is your full name? Azreael Torsera Necros 2. Where and when were you born? January 4th long long time ago 3. Who are/were your parents? (Know their names, occupations, personalities, etc.) Lucifer necros and mariluna necros My dad is the king of hell and my mom........yeah. 4. Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like? Theres michael and amberlynn. Lynn is the youngest. Michael is the oldest. Hes.....ok. Just a lil too by the rules. Lynn......needs to chill 5. Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place and the person/people. I live in a moderately nice house with a young man named dean. Im taking care of him and trying to exorcise the demon thats possesing him. 6. What is your occupation? Doctor and demon hunter 7. Write a full physical description of yourself. You might want to consider factors such as: height, weight, race, hair and eye color, style of dress, and any tattoos, scars, or distinguishing marks. Ugh do i have to? Fine. Grey and black hair with bright blue eyes a scar over my right one black and blue hoodie with gold shackles and jeans and  demon tail. 8. To which social class do you belong? I dont know my dude 9. Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses? ...........alchohol 10. Are you right- or left-handed? Ambidextrous 11. What does your voice sound like? Ive been told i sound like some dude from the show naruto. Uhhhh kakashi? 12. What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently? Fuck you. Uhhhh....can i order a large pepperoni pizza 13. What do you have in your pockets? My wallet. A thing. A small bottle of holy water i gotta be fucking careful with. My motorcycle keys 14. Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics? I do NOT Like being woke up. Part 2: Growing Up 15. How would you describe your childhood in general? Shitty 16. What is your earliest memory? Playing catch with my brother michael 17. How much schooling have you had? AL O T 18. Did you enjoy school? kinda? I liked collage 19. Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities? ....i dont wanna talk about that 20. While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm probably my brother michael 21. While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family? My mom was the best as was mike 22. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? ....a hero... 23. As a child, what were your favorite activities? Gardening 24. As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display? Determination and cleverness 25. As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like? No 26. When and with whom was your first kiss? A dude 27. Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity? Why is this relavent 28. If you are a supernatural being (i.e. mage, werewolf, vampire), tell the story of how you became what you are or first learned of your own abilities. If you are just a normal human, describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today. Im a an angel. Fallen now but i was born this way bitch Part 3: Past Influences 29. What do you consider the most important event of your life so far? .......italy 30. Who has had the most influence on you? Probably my best freind jackson 31. What do you consider your greatest achievement? Lol whats achievement. Kidding. Umm i once saved a train full of people 32. What is your greatest regret? Haaaaaaaaaaaa drinking 33. What is the most evil thing you have ever done? ...................lets not go there please 34. Do you have a criminal record of any kind? //SWEATS// meeeee oh heavens noooooo i dont have hahaha criminal record whats that...HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA 35. When was the time you were the most frightened? ........... 36. What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you? Woke up in a dumpster after doing weed 37. If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why? ........................im not gonna say 38. What is your best memory? Probably when i met jackson haha. 39. What is your worst memory? .......................being alone Part 4: Beliefs And Opinions 40. Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic? Tries to be optimistic 41. What is your greatest fear? ........being alone..... 42. What are your religious views? No idea 43. What are your political views? Dont care 44. What are your views on sex? YOU DONT NEED TO KNOW 45. Are you able to kill? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable? If they are hurting people i will kill them. 46. In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do? No idea 47. Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love? I guess??? 48. What do you believe makes a successful life? Happiness 49. How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)? Not too honest lmaoooo 50. Do you have any biases or prejudices? No??????? 51. Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it? Lets....not talk about that 52. Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)? Anyone whos close to me. Part 5: Relationships With Others 53. In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how? Treat other people nicely and ill treat you nicely 54. Who is the most important person in your life, and why? I dont know honestly. I have alot of people i care about extremely much 55. Who is the person you respect the most, and why? Thatd be jackson. Hes helped me so much and honestly i couldn't ask for a better freind. 56. Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? Describe these people. I have alot of freinds. I think. I hope they consider me their freind. My best freind is jackson blutstrom. Hes technicaly an alien but hes a doctor and a scientist. 57. Do you have a spouse or significant other? If so, describe this person. ....sorry haha...last one...kinda....ha........... 58. Have you ever been in love? If so, describe what happened. .....lets...not ok just....no stop 59. What do you look for in a potential lover? Just be there for me. And be kind. Love my faults as well as me. 60. How close are you to your family? Uhhhhh close i guess 61. Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. If not, do you want to? Why or why not? I have 2 sons arrow and vector. 62. Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help? Jackson. Or my brother Michael 63. Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why? I dont want anyone to have to protect me im not worth it 64. If you died or went missing, who would miss you? Edward probably. Hes a good kid. Also Dean. And jackson. 65. Who is the person you despise the most, and why? Lets not go there either 66. Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict? Argue lol 67. Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations? I guess leader 68. Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not? Its ok. 69. Do you care what others think of you? Yeah Part 6: Likes And Dislikes 70. What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes? I like puzzles and tv 71. What is your most treasured possession? My scythe 72. What is your favorite color? Blue 73. What is your favorite food? Pizza 74. What, if anything, do you like to read? Stuff about science 75. What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)? Law and order lol 76. Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit? I drink. I used to smoke. Im trying to quit drinking. Not by choice though SOME ONE keeps stealing my alchohol 77. How do you spend a typical Saturday night? Sleeping and reasearch 78. What makes you laugh? I dunno how to describe it >:T 79. What, if anything, shocks or offends you? Gasp or slap or cry 80. What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself? Research or kill demons or both 81. How do you deal with stress? :))))) 82. Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan? Spontaneous. Im reckless as fuck 83. What are your pet peeves? Part 7: Self Images And Etc. 84. Describe the routine of a normal day for you. How do you feel when this routine is disrupted? Whats routine 85. What is your greatest strength as a person? NOTHING HAH eh though some people say its my patientce 86. What is your greatest weakness? Guess LOL 87. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Everything 88. Are you generally introverted or extroverted? Whats the inbetween 89. Are you generally organized or messy? Messy 90. Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at. NOTHING AND EVERYTHING 91. Do you like yourself? N O 92. What are your reasons for being an adventurer (or doing the strange and heroic things that RPG characters do)? Are your real reasons for doing this different than the ones you tell people in public? (If so, detail both sets of reasons…) killing demons makes me feel like im doing something good 93. What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime? You don't wanna know bub 94. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? : ))) 95. If you could choose, how would you want to die? Id like to be poisoned so i can suffer 96. If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left. Visit jackson. Make sure deans in good hands and apologize to some people 97. What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death? I dunno id just like to be remembered 98. What three words best describe your personality? Patient sad and lonely 99. What three words would others probably use to describe you? Sweet charming and generous 100. If you could, what advice would you, the writer, give to your character AZZIE YOU BITCH WAKE THE FUCK UP PEOPLE LOVE YOU I SWEAR TO GOD Jackson belongs to @mrhoneystreak Dean belongs to @gumiixu

[mrsbluebertgreggleson]

Stream-of-consciousness preseries babblings

Hm. Never considered this, but did the first demons Lucifer created (e.g. Lilith, the Princes, not yet Cain and the Knights because I still consider Cain to have died/become a demon only after Lucifer was already locked up) tried to help him against Michael in the first battle? Like they’re always kinda framed as Heaven’s enemies so it was probably SUPER OBVIOUS to everyone else and I’m only just now jumping on the party train, but I never even considered it because A.) they were the equivalent of bouncing baby demons at that point, lil demon babies can’t fight! what’re they gonna do, shake their lil chubby demon baby fists at their uncles and aunts and Grandpa God? get outta here, Lucifer had just put them down for a nap in their brimstone cradles, B.) I always pictured it as kind of over the minute it started and that Lucifer wouldn’t have had time to call for backup, and C.) ickle lil demon babies would get WRECKED by archangels and probably not be around for the start of the series-

But it must have happened, right?

Like I always thought Lilith was either the only one Lucifer made himself before imprisonment, or one of the only ones, and that he’d just made and showed them to God & Heaven as a “so THERE” and Lucifer in S5 didn’t seem to want demons’s help against Michael (just like Michael seemingly didn’t from Raphael or the rest of the Host) since he showed up to the battle alone despite all of them fawning over him, so I didn’t really consider them as potential warriors fighting for him, but at the time of S5, all his big guns were essentially dead or otherwise no-showing him, so the remaining fodder was loyal but wouldn’t have been much help anyway. I mean, if in the beginning Lucifer made the Princes of Hell to be generals of his demon armies, he must’ve been gearing up for an out-and-out war. Maybe just on humanity, but...

Going back to the Actually Canonical Fourth Season (because I only consider things after Season 5... like very, very loosely canon, and even then only if it suits me, lol), it’d also explain why Alastair knew tricks against angels. His exact origins still haven’t really been explained (before, I would’ve said he’s one of the only demons Lucifer made himself, because white eyes = demons made directly by angels - but now we got the black-eyed Knights and the yellow-eyed Princes, haha fuuuuuuuuu), but a writer (Sera Gamble?) either implied or said outright that unlike most demons, Alastair had locked horns with angels before and knew how to fight them. Since angels were not officially on Earth for 2,000 years, any fighting he did against them would’ve had to be early on, probably during the First Big Throwdown (official name for the first round of Lucifer v Michael).

Speaking of Alastair, something I really freaking adore the thought of, because it’s just so twisted, is the thought of how demons might’ve learned to fight angels. Like, Enochian magic and all that jazz. Easiest and most logical answer is that Lucifer taught them. But there’s something just really ghoulishly satisfying to me of older demons training younger demons to fight angels by catching one and just incapacitating it to the point it can’t really do anything, and coaching them on how to efficiently deal with them. Like a mother cat using some poor lizard to show her kittens how to hunt, or something. Demons learn this way that angels don’t feel pain and you can’t interrogate them through torture. Dammit. Okay, but let’s see what spells do what to them. Maybe that’s why angels stopped coming to Earth, to keep from losing their soldiers to crafty demons experimenting to figure out the most horrible ways to deal with them. I especially like this idea because maybe that’s what Alastair was trying to do to Cass in the barn scene in “Heaven and Hell” - power down the angel to show his demon boys (past apprentices? aw man, Meg should’ve been part of his posse! too bad they didn’t think up that connection until two seasons after the fact...) the best ways to deal with an angel, turn him and Uriel into guinea pigs for the little ones to bat around while he tortures Anna.

Sooo, several scenarios:

A.) Heaven v Hell was a Big Thing that happened; the battle between Lucifer and Michael dragged out this time just as it later would again, and Lucifer turned a number of humans into demons to gather up troops and try to protect himself from getting punished. It is extremely likely no angels died at a demon’s hand, because the angels in S4 were shocked when they started dying off. If demons had been killing angels before, it wouldn’t have been a big mystery that got a whole whodunnit episode. I know that Dagon was depicted as being able to kill angels, but honestly I totally dislike that as a complete contradiction of the much-better S4 lore and consider that a power Lucifer gave her to protect his baby and not something the Princes inherently have. (You have no idea how much the Princes have WRECKED my demon lore headcanons. They are on thin friggin ice as far as being able to be included in my headcanon version of the show goes. THIN. ICE. *points warningly at Dagon* *loses finger*) So while the demon bigshots found ways to otherwise incapacitate angels, like exorcising them as Alastair knew to, they couldn’t actually kill them. Probably a number of demons got cut down and killed, leaving the old ones we see in present day as the last of that generation, but considering how beefy white-eyed demons and the Princes are, it’s possible normal angels couldn’t kill them either.

B.) A tactic that may have also been used in S5′s finale: the Host diverted demons away from Lucifer so that Michael could engage him one-on-one and demons couldn’t help Lucifer pull a fast one on Mike. The Host launches a strategic mass-attack on all demons, causing a huge disruption to kill or distract as many demons as possible. Raphael’s absence in the finale could be explained as him leading the second assault. In the First Big Throwdown, Gabriel might’ve helped here as well. Anyone unlucky enough to be found by Raph & Gabe get insta-poofed in like a flat second, but some are lucky enough to either fight back and maybe even win against a weaker angel, or just scatter and hide from the destruction. I like this theory because it not only explains Lucifer and Michael’s solo battle when logically they’d have backup, it also reminds me of what the Men of Letters thought about the Knights of Hell in “As Time Goes By” - that they’d all been wiped out as part of a mass-extermination by the archangels, and that Abaddon was one that’d secretly escaped and survived - and maybe rumors of this event trickled down through the years to become the distorted legend the Men of Letters heard of. After the Host receives word that Michael has successfully sealed Lucifer away, they withdraw and demons arrive too late to help Lucifer. Grr. They mad. Dick angels.

C.) Ickle Demon Babies is canon and all of them were down for a nap with their little claw-thumbs snug in their little fanged mouths, little knit caps on their sweet little horned heads, blowing little jet-flame snot bubbles with their gentle, sweet baby snores, as Dad got beat down into a hole. Michael takes one look, grimaces at his ugly new nephews and nieces, and gets the okay from God to just tip all the cradles into another hole.

[orionsangel86]

Round two of the “Hold My Beer” Great Meta Scavenger Hunt

For this, our honorary Misha Collins figure and Scavenger Hunt queen @elizabethrobertajones has asked us to rank all 12 season openers OR all 11 (12 if you are feeling super ambitious) season finales by a theme, character, concept etc of your choice.

I figured I might as well make this super difficult for myself and go with three D’s for my theme. Being Doom, Death and Destiel. I’m also picking finales over openers because, well finales usually have more of the three D’s in general. Doom is based on how bad the situation is for the world at the end of the episode, Death is based on the deaths in the episode and the emotional punch of those deaths, and destiel is based on how much destiel (or the ground work for destiel) there actually is in the episode. I’ll give each episode a ranking out of 10 for each ‘D’ and then average it out for my final scale… and try not to be intimidated at adding maths into a meta post. Ha. 

I should apologise for submitting this so late, but Lizzy did stress there was no real deadline and I have always been terrible at deadlines anyway.

Under the cut as this is loooonnngggg. Enjoy. :)

Season 1, episode 22.

DOOM – John is possessed by Azazel, but he gets over it, Azazel gets away, and the Winchester’s get pretty upset about this. Meg gets exorcised though so actually doom wise there is less of a threat by episode end than there has been all season. Azazel is on the loose but the Winchesters still have the colt. Very little doom. 1/10.

DEATH – Ah to remember the days when the Winchesters actually cared about the meat suits the demons possessed… Oh how things change. Meg is exorcised and the actual human Meg dies of her injuries (did the demon just keep using the name of the girl it possessed? That one always confused me) John almost kills Dean but doesn’t and marks the first in a long line of people in this season who overcome possession to save Dean thanks to their undying love for him (and yet the boy still thinks he is worthless). Big car crash at the end leaves us with a cliff hanger wondering if the Winchester’s are dead but its such a normal way to try to kill them that we all know it aint gonna stick. 3/10 for attempting to scare the audience into thinking the Winchesters can be killed by a TRUCK. Pfft.

DESTIEL - I miss Cas. Did I mention I’m a Cas girl and think his presence makes this series infinitely better?! Still, what we do get in this episode is a Dean who admits that he lies and Azazel mocking Dean’s personality as always hiding the truth, the pain… etc… So we start to get some good insight into Dean’s character, we know by this episode that Dean hides A LOT and puts on a performance all the time. We know that the tough guy macho image he tries to portray is in no way near the real him. But I’m scraping the barrel so it still only gets 1/10 for the barest glimpses into Dean’s true self and the hint that he is hiding a lot more.

Season 2, episode 22.

DOOM – One dead yellowed eyed demon, one demon deal for Dean and a whole lot of evil unleashed upon the world. We got some good levels of doom here, even if Azazel is gone. At least John Winchester managed to crawl out of hell and disappear off… somewhere… do we ever find out what happened to John Winchester’s soul? Maybe he decided to hang around on earth haunting some poor unsuspecting bystander. For that reason and all other reasons above, I’m ranking this a 4/10. They were still just ordinary demons that were unleashed after all… and that was a weird sentence to write.

DEATH – Well, that was emotional. We get some pretty stirring speeches from Dean over poor Sam’s corpse, but he comes back. Of course. So it doesn’t really count unless we are counting deaths for emotional impact rather than if they STAY dead. Dean shoots Azazel in a very therapeutic moment for him, and also threw his own life away to save his brother. Also this made me chuckle: “Dad brought me back, Bobby. I'm not even supposed to be here.” Oh Dean. You’ll get used to it. Happens all the time. I’m also adding a point for the death of Ash last episode because damn. I liked Ash. Besides, technically this was a two parter. 6/10 for emotional impact and because they finally killed the bad guy.

DESTIEL – Well, there isn’t much I can really say as one half of this love pairing isn’t even here yet. But, on Dean’s side we are getting more and more hints into his now glaringly obvious bisexuality. I’m using 2x21 here because as said above, this is a two parter. Dean identifies Ash by his watch which tells an interesting story (I’m not gonna get into the Dean x Ash stuff here and instead direct you here for that glorious analysis) and also we got Lily who was a Dean mirror who lost everything thanks to Azazels influence (like Dean at episode end) and lost her life because of her inability to accept the situation she was in (like Dean at the end of this episode). So, for that reason I’m rating this a 2/10.

Season 3, episode 16

DOOM – Not so much in terms of doom this episode, Lilith was already out and doing her thing, We all still think Ruby is a good guy, the world is no more broken than it has been all season. 3/10

DEATH – Oh Dean. As Dickens would say he is as dead as a door-nail, and then go on about why a door-nail was considered a good simile for death. Perhaps the Horseman Death could answer that question, but I digress. Dean is dead, and Sam is very sad, and there is seemingly no hope now that Dean is strung up in hell. Sad times. This was probably my favourite death of the entire series, simply because it was still early enough for us to actually believe it. How on earth was Dean supposed to come back from this? His soul is literally strung up in hell. Therefore, 9/10 for an epic death scene.

DESTIEL – Still no Cas, and very little in terms of bi-dean analysis unfortunately. I’m giving it half a point for the eager anticipation of Dean’s hell rescue though and the wealth of fanfiction that came from that… 0.5/10.

Season 4, episode 22

DOOM – So much doom! (for the time – nowadays Lucifer just leaves us feeling kinda meh) The release of Lucifer! The breaking of the 66 Seals! The angels are up to no good! It’s the apocalypse! AHHHHHH DOOM ALL THE DOOM! END OF THE WORLD DOOM!!! For that reason I am marking it 10/10 doom wise.

DEATH – Bye bye Ruby. You were a manipulative bitch and I loved you. Hated the way you died though. Never like the idea of having a woman held back by a man whilst another man stabs her… it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth regardless of whether she was demonic or not. Also bye bye Lilith. Your death was actually pretty cool. You went out laughing. BUT NO! Not CAS! Cue Castiel’s first death scene and let me tell you it was explosive. Heh. Sorry. Basically 4 seasons in and this was my FAVOURITE season finale so far. Yeah so no Winchester brother died, but Castiel stole her hearts from his very first scene and having to watch him die after getting our hopes up like that was just cruel. It was emotional, especially the way he died for DEAN. Because of DEAN and… well I’ll get on to that. 8/10 on the Death rating.

DESTIEL – HERE WE GO FINALLY. So who started shipping destiel at THIS point? I was a late bloomer (a 6x20 shipper) but I was picking up on things here and on my many many re--watches of this episode I find it impossible not to see the whole scene in the green room as overly romantic. We had major heart eyes from our star crossed lovers, we had epic speeches about choice and freedom and humanity, we had one fallen angel statue and one soon to be fallen very real hunky angel man, we had Dean getting bodily pressed into a wall by said hunky angel man in a very erotic display of power and disobedience. Basically every DeanCas scene in this entire episode had me drooling. It ended with Cas giving everything for the man he lo- liked a lot, I mean pfft… its not like giving up everything you’ve ever believed in and fought for and known your entire long existence for one guy is a big deal or anything… right? Totally platonic right? I’m rating this one as an 9/10 on the destiel scale… I’m not quite sure another season finale can come close… top marks are reserves for an actual canon love confession.

Season 5, episode 22

DOOM – Well. What can I say about Swan Song? The apocalypse was stopped, Lucifer defeated, the horseman put in their place, Death off eating pizza in another galaxy… it all turned out okay doom-wise. The episode packs a big punch, but its an emotional punch rather than a “WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE” punch, so actually, this finale is quite understated when you rank it against the rest. Low doom score. 5/10 doom.

DEATH – Death is rampant in this episode, but he’s getting sloppy because it doesn’t stick. Sam sacrifices himself for the world. It’s emotional. Bobby dies, Castiel dies, Dean nearly dies, Adam dies, Michael and Lucifer get thrown in the cage, lots of death but none of it stays dead! Come episode end all the folks that matter are alive and walking around topside like it’s no big deal. But it still gets points for ending on a mystery and for Dean still believing his brother is dead and being all sad about it and for the audience being all worried because WHAT IS WRONG WITH SAM? But he still isn’t dead. 7/10 for Death.

DESTIEL – I’ll be honest with you all. I think Swan Song is totally overrated. I prefer Lucifer Rising. Like waaaay prefer it. I’m biased of course because of Destiel. In this episode there were a few moments. Dean saying “Aww, Ain’t he a little angel” when Cas is asleep in the back seat is one of them, The car ride at the end. Dean’s pain is evident at everything he has lost but his need for Cas right then, to me at least, is obvious. He just couldn’t bring him to ask Cas to stay, so Cas left. It is a sad ending that leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. 5/10 for destiel.

Season 6, episode 22

DOOM – Well, this is what happens when you bottle up your feelings rather than confessing your undying love for someone. Oh Cas. Why couldn’t you just TELL HIM THE TRUTH! The absorbed purgatory souls turn Castiel into a crazy power hungry God and it is very very bad. Well, if you are homophobic, or republican, or a member of the KKK… or basically Donald Trump and therefore all of the above…otherwise honestly, Godstiel really wasn’t all that bad. We could probably do with a Godstiel in our world about now… *Oh gosh shhh now that’s a terrible thought I totally don’t wish that on anyone…ahem.* So I’m giving it a low doom score. Bring Godstiel to our universe 2k17. He will sort shit out. 5/10

DEATH – I am still mourning Balthazar. This one hurts hard because he doesn’t ever come back. L Also Raphael but really I didn’t care. He needed to remove the stick from up his ass anyway. 8/10 because Balthazar won’t be forgotten.

DESTIEL – In the afterglow of 6x20, we suddenly have our destiel goggles glued to our faces and it only makes this episode so much worse. They are actually in post break up hell here and Castiel has completely lost his way. Dean’s heart break is clear to see, and his line “I know there's a lot of bad water under the bridge, but we were family once. I'd have died for you. I almost did a few times. So if that means anything to you... Please. I've lost Lisa, I've lost Ben, and now I've lost Sam. Don't make me lose you too.” Makes me shed a tear. For all the break up trauma 7/10.

Season 7, episode 23

DOOM – Season 7, the world went to hell, Leviathans wanted to eat us (well mostly America but I assume some of them travelled overseas to annoy the Europeans…) But in the end Cas stepped up and helped save the day. Dick was vanquished and although leviathans still roamed the earth they are apparently useless without their leader. So doom levels are fairly standard. Kevin was abducted by Crowley and his minions though and Dean and Cas zapped to purgatory where they will have to face all kinds of DOOM. So on a worldwide scale not a lot of doom, on a personal level for our characters? Lots of doom. 7/10 to average it out.

DEATH – We say goodbye to the Leviathan King and with him goes all the dick jokes of season 7. It’s probably a good thing to be honest. That many dick jokes should not be allowed in one season. We also say goodbye to Bobby’s ghost. It was emotional. I still wish Bobby had never died. L Technically not a death so much as a ‘moving into the light’ moment, it still struck a chord. Other than that we also have a sort of death for Dean and Cas getting sent to purgatory though since they are still together we shouldn’t really be counting it. Death rating is 6/10 and that’s all mainly for Bobby.

DESTIEL – Ah 7x23 was good on the destiel front. ‘Tis the episode where Castiel turned up naked, covered in bees… kinky. It’s the episode where Cas was Dean’s “Boyfriend first” and of course, the episode of “I’d rather have you, cursed or not.” We got longing looks and confessions of forgiveness and basically it was great. 8/10

Season 8, episode 23

DOOM – The Angels are falling! Hell is still open for business! Metatron is a massive dick and I am in tears by the end of the episode every. Single. Time. I’m not even getting into it more than that. This is my favourite season finale. I love every second of it. Doom wise it’s pretty epic 8/10 doom score

DEATH – OH NO SAM DON’T YOU SPEAK LIKE THAT! L Poor Sammy. Seriously though this was HEARTBREAKING and even though Sam doesn’t die he is in a pretty awful state by episode end and it was so fucking emotional I can’t even deal with it. Hence a death score of 6/10 because SAaaaaaaaammmmmmmmm.

DESTIEL – “This is it? E.T. goes home?” The cupids bow, the two gruff men falling in love right in front of a confused and amazed Dean, the cupids bow on the TV shooting at both Dean and Cas? The arrows in the back of the Impala. The climax of the angel fall spell and the one of these is not the same as the others ingredients theory. Us meta writers screaming at our TV screens because it ALL adds up to destiel. It ALL points to Cas being in love with Dean. I love this episode. 8/10 for all the symbolism and Dean’s utterly romantic and longing looks at Cas in the bar.

Season 9, episode 23

DOOM – Does Dean being a demon count as death or doom here? Both? Both is good. Dean Winchester unleashed as a freshly born knight of hell. That doesn’t sound good for the fate of the world in all honesty. However, heaven is basically sorted and Metatron has been put behind bars so this episode doesn’t leave us in such an apocalyptic state as previous season finales have. Therefore it gets a doom score of 5/10.

DEATH – Oh Dean. Why did you follow Crowley. Why did you take that mark? Why did you think you could face Metatron when he was all powered up on tablet? Simply put “I’m proud of us” and Cas’ face when Metatron shows him the angel blade covered in Dean’s blood. Those two moments alone give this a high score in the emotional stakes that mean a Winchester has once again dramatically died in a season finale. It loses two marks for the black eyes since once again right out of the Princess Bride Dean was only mostly dead. 8/10

DESTIEL – I have one thing and one thing only to say right here “He’s in love… with humanity”. Cue a million fangirls all over the world screaming at their TV/Computer screens at that very dramatic pause. Thanks Metatron. I didn’t know Dean had a new nickname. 7/10.

Season 10, episode 23

DOOM – Thanks to Winchester toxic co-dependency we have a primordial chaos goddess on the loose, intent on nothing but absolute universal destruction according to Death. So yeah, pretty much the ultimate DOOM. Since this episode was just a whole barrel of WTF I’m marking it down 2 points. Because I’m bitter. So sue me. Otherwise 8/10.

DEATH – Again with the whatthefuckery. YOU CAN’T KILL DEATH DEAN THAT IS TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE. This was NOT a Death I was willing to accept and I still am not willing to accept it a season and a half later. Death is fucking with you Winchesters so he can jump out at you both and give you a fucking heart attack later on. You would probably both deserve it. 5/10. Not happy.

DESTIEL – So after the horrifying end to 10x22 with the brutal reverse crypt scene, Dean is haunted with guilt over what he did to Cas, but it is no homo’d to the max thanks to Rudy or whatever the fuck his name was I didn’t even bother to look it up or re-watch (did I mention I really didn’t like this episode – except for Death) I suppose I’ll give it a point for Dean’s dream in the deleted scene and a point for the flash of Dean in the mirror (fuck you Rudy I’ll pretend you weren’t there) and a point for Cas’ “Everyone loves something” about Rowena because yes Cas we know you are in love with Dean that was practically established canon in 9x23. It gets a 3/10. I hated this episode.

Season 11, episode 23

DOOM – In a Supernatural first, we get a relatively happy, healthy ending to the big bad story. Dean gives Amara and Chuck some sibling counselling and they go off to spend some quality time together. In a big twist, Amara thanks Dean by giving him “what he needs” which turns out to be Mary Winchester. Human. Alive. Still in the white nightgown she burned in. At the same time, Sam gets taken out by a posh British lady from the men of letters. There is, amazingly, no real doom for the world and only a slight threat for Sam. 3/10 because I care about our beautiful moose baby and his doom matters to me.

DEATH – None. Zilch. Not a single character dies in this finale and this is a shocker. It’s also really satisfying. One formally dead person actually comes BACK. This is probably the most hopeful positive season finale we have ever had on the show. Impressive really. Sam’s unknown threat at the end gives it 1 point. Even though we all know that Sam isn’t dead. He may be in somewhat doom, but he definitely isn’t dead. 1/10

DESTIEL – My heart breaks for Cas all throughout this season and it wasn’t quite the satisfying resolution we were hoping for. Still, the beer run car scene was therapeutic in a way. Though Dean calling Cas a brother got mixed reviews. Some calling it “the end of destiel” which I think is incredibly over dramatic. I prefer to linger on Cas’ utter disappointment at being called a brother. Since, as I have previously mentioned, Season 9 pretty much canonically established Cas’ romantic love for Dean. However, the hug at the graveyard and the “I could go with you” bump up the points for this episode. Cas’ whole demeanour throughout screams of heartbreak and no one can possibly deny his devotion and love right now. I just wanna see more return from Dean on this. 6/10 for the mixed reviews.

Season 12, episode 23

Hasn’t aired yet, so I am totally making this up based on season themes and the mid season finale. Following Season 11’s breaking the spell of DEATH OR DOOM in the season finales, I reckon Season 12 will follow this trend and will not unleash a new bad evil or apocalyptic event OR kill anyone off in a tragic Death scene. Instead, Season 12 looks to be heading down the route of addressing the past, resolving the issues and dealing with smaller conflicts in general. Where Death is concerned, other than ‘bad guys’ I do not think we will get a major death in this finale. So far I do not see that foreshadowing for either brother… or for Castiel or Crowley at this point. Times change but I’m keeping optimistic. So to continue our theme:

DOOM – I doubt it. I don’t think the show will go ‘big’ again before they decide to end and therefore the themes and disaster storylines will be kept more subtle. Perhaps we could get some larger threat from the Grand Coven, or from the British Men of Letters… But lets just say I doubt that we will be unleashing Cthulhu any time soon! 5/10 for potential threats from human/witch groups but no apocalyptic disasters that I can see.

DEATH – Again I doubt it, Dabb broke the constant pattern spn had in place of an alternation between death and doom over season finales with season 11. I am expecting something completely different for the season 12 ending that will be unexpected in a different way (the way Mary was unexpected in season 11). The four main characters won’t get killed off and the supporting cast is unlikely to die in a finale. Perhaps a couple of BMOL will perish… I’m predicting a 4/10 on the Death scale.

DESTIEL – I’m gonna be super hopeful here. We have two episodes (possibly three) in the second half devoted to exploring Castiel as a character. Dabb has always been a Cas fan and we KNOW as I have mentioned before, that one of Cas’ defining characteristics at this point is his utter devotion and love for Dean. I am also hopeful that Dean’s pining story arc that started with the confessional scene in 10x16 will continue and reach a sort of climax in season 12. Therefore, I am gonna give this a rating of 8/10. I expect progress. I don’t expect a straight up confessional, I don’t expect a kiss. I would LIKE textual confirmation that Dean is bisexual at some point this season. I would also like textual confirmation of Castiel’s love for Dean. Something like another angel or Crowley or Sam maybe just straight up saying “You’re in love with him aren’t you?” and Cas just sighing and nodding. Yeah. That’s all I want. I don’t think its asking for much.

Okay so the final averaged scores for DOOM, DEATH and DESTIEL are:

1x22 – 2/10

2x22 – 4/10

3x16 – 4/10

4x22 – 9/10

5x22 – 6/10

6x22 – 7/10

7x22 – 7/10

8x23 – 7/10

9x23 – 7/10

10x23 – 5/10

11x23 – 3/10

12x23 – 5/10

Which according to my own odd analysis, makes season 4 the best all around season finale of the show.

*Goes and lies down for days because that took far too much brain power*

*Eagerly anticipates next challenge*