#midnight rain is definitely one of the aforementioned

[icanttakethemonmyown]

Current Midnight faves?????

Mine are currently:

Maroon

Bejeweled

Midnight Rain

Karma

omg TASTE anon!! My current faves in no particular order are bejeweled, karma, sweet nothing and basically all of the bonus/3am tracks

i feel like some of the other songs might be growing on me but that could totally be bc of all the fancams/edits on tiktok lmao

(i just wanna do a special shout out to paris and bigger than the whole sky for their 1989 and folklore/evermore vibes respectively, they are probably my top faves if we were counting!!)

[tiqalicious]

Mother Mayhem

"Trigger, pick up the phone you cunt. I need to tell you about last night! CAN NOT believe you missed it! I was stood out there for an hour in that fucking rain waiting to get into Three Crows, when this absolute bombshell pulled me out of the line and walked me right up to the door. The bouncers didn't even ask to see my ID! She just walked me in and right upstairs with her arm in mine. I don't even remember how much I had to drink, but she was pouring it down my throat all night and I didn't spend a fucking penny! Last thing I remember was her on top of me after we took a couple of lines. Never fucked like that in my life, it was genuinely a little bit frightening but like… in a really fucking good way. You NEED to come out next weekend, in case she's there again. I'm pretty sure she has friends… I mean I can't quite remember their faces so I don't know how hot they all are, but I DEFINITELY remember them being there. CALL ME BACK, DICKHEAD!"

The Pandaemonia Paragon, The Mistress of Mad Midnight, The Queen of the Forgotten, The chaotic Mother Mayhem.

Hundreds of years ago, Mother was one of many unknown faces amongst a court of Celtic goddesses known as the Circle of Crones, who rose to significant power during the Anglo - Scottish wars, creating a larger movement of soldiers working in the name of the Circle. For reasons never confirmed by the Crones themselves, she split suddenly from them during the peak of the Scottish push back, causing a significant haemorrhage in power that eventually led to their defeat. For some time, it was believed that she may have actually been destroyed until 40 years ago when someone known as Mother Mayhem popped up in L.A. claiming to once have been a member of the aforementioned Circle. Mother has begun to build a sizeable following in the states, declaring herself to be the voice of the voiceless and a guardian of all non-mortal creatures forgotten and abused by the world. Mother has also made it known to anyone who will listen that she never intended to leave the Circle and is in fact the only survivor of a traitorous uprising within their ranks by one of her very own sisters, and that since the coup, the Circle has cared nothing for its children and merely uses them as fodder to be discarded the moment they cease to be useful. 

It's rumoured that within the last three years Mother has managed to build up a small movement of defectors within the Circle, including someone supposedly very close to the Crones themselves, which has gradually caused the movement to lose some of its recent momentum and influence across America, with US members beginning to grow even more suspicious and cagey with one another than usual, and several contingents within the western United States suddenly seem to have gone completely dark. It's yet to be discerned if Mother herself is picking off these groups or perhaps even recruiting them to her side, or if the Circle has made the decision to go quiet in these areas in an effort to avoid detection.

It's unknown where Mother makes her home but she's known to be a familiar name within the alt scene of the US, frequenting heavy metal bars and alt clubs all across the states and leaving a small army of true believers lingering in her wake. Mothers movement calls itself "The Malcontents" and is said to be extremely friendly to ALL supernatural creatures, and her appearance usually leads to a night of wild, drug induced, frenzied parties that seem to be remembered afterwards as something bordering on unbelievable, like a vague and hazey memory lingering in the back of your mind as something half way between a dream and a nightmare.

Certain voices within the Circle have begun to worry about the rise of Mother Mayhem and a counter movement seems to be slowly growing, with voices asking for the Crones to do something about her before it's too late. Thus far the Crones have remained silent on the whole affair, as they seem primarily focused on their own growth within the deep south, as the intimidating Gangrel and self professed "Mayor of blood and bullshit" Caleb Emory brings more and more of the Crones flock into the burgeoning mega city of New Calibret.

[taylorswiftstylequestions]

Hey Sarah, all this speculation about who the songs on Midnights are about has been so fun, and it's made me think about interesting it is to see speculation with minimal clues. I wonder how many songs we'd be totally clueless about without secret messages, diary entries, or location/public appearances etc. or even the context of an era. I also like how it makes it more personal somehow? The whole paternity test metaphor was a great analogy on Taylor's part, I feel like there's always a level of conflict when it's clear who a song is about but it fits another pairing too. Right now there's a bit more room to play and songs like Midnight Rain can be about whoever you want it to be cause no one knows for sure! (At least not yet, I never want to underestimate swiftie detectives)

There's definitely a fine line with Taylor content that's tough to navigate because inherently I think as fans we know that Taylor writes about her experiences and her life. We also love knowing the specifics and the details because it makes us invested in who she is and in the work that is an extension of her as a person.

But it can also become an all-consuming distraction that can feel like it sells the art short because preoccupation with who she was dating at the time eclipses the emotions and the stories and the vulnerability it takes to put your life into melody. It can feel diminishing to have your creativity reduced to that aforementioned 'paternity test'. And it also doesn't allow room for personal interpretation or application of the song to your own life (the flip side of course being that if you know the 'real life' story behind the song it actually aids in relating it to your own life if you've been through something similar).

Could talk about this forever!

[dragonsbone]

Hello I just saw your LOTR oc and I immediately fell in love!

Feel free to infodump about her!

-@heresthefanfiction

ahhhhh thank u so much !!! im so glad you like her bc i had her for like a week and i would die for her fghnjmnbhg !! and i appreciate this ask sm i will gladly info dump my bb (づ ᴗ _ᴗ)づ♡

rínien, my darling, is the youngest of the three. she is ten years younger than boromir and five years younger than faramir. she is a formidable warrior with a courageous heart and an extremely stubborn mind. she cares very little of lore, unlike faramir and their father, and craves the feeling of a sword in her hand or a bow on her back. she loves a good fight, no matter the odds. though, it is still rare and highly looked down upon for a women to be in battle. it’s one of the many reasons their father detests her. but boromir encouraged that side of her and taught her how to properly fight, just as he’d done with faramir when he was of age. he believed in her and never shamed or belittled her of wanting to fight for their family.

but more of rínien as a character, she is quite complicated. with her brothers and fellow gondorians, she can remain her true self. a bit boastful at times, especially after a few cups of ale, but she is known to be brave, unyielding, and dedicated to the people of gondor. however, when rínien is around strangers or potential threats, a wall is built within her. she can be cold, cynical, and often unpleasant to be around. it’s very difficult for her to place her trust in others. rínien remains guarded, both emotionally and physically, until there comes a definite moment where she can confidently call someone a companion or a friend. it definitely takes a long time for her to trust aragorn, but that’s a whole other discussion.

she is paired with another main oc of mine named arion. they are the embodiment of “he was sunshine, i was midnight rain”. he is first, and foremost, a true himbo. listen, i got a thing for himbos and it’s my fic so i do what i want lol. he was one of the free folk of eriador and became a ranger of the north when he was old enough. arion is as open and honest as they come. he is true to himself and shows everyone the kind of man he is. he is compassionate, selfless, heroic, humble, and so much more. definitely drinks the respect women juice as he should and bc i said so. while i still plotting to have all my ideas connect cohesively with each other, i do plan on having him and aragorn as a duo prior to the fellowship and having their friendship become a big part of their characters.

what i do have figured out is rínien and arion’s relationship. as aforementioned, rínien doesn’t trust people easily, meanwhile arion does. most of the time, it works in his favor. they balance each other out and compliment their different personalities. rínien can be distant, arion can be welcoming. and so on. they help each other through so much, especially after the loss of boromir and rínien, eventually, revenge arc. but they are so wholesome to me and i very much enjoy them!!

well, that’s all i’ll info dump rn before this post becomes too long !! but i hope u like what’s to come of this idea <3

send me an ask

[rawiswhore]

Various WWF Wrestlers x Fem Reader- “It’s Raining Men”

In April of 1998, D Generation X was no longer Triple H, Shawn Michaels and Chyna.

Now, Shawn has left the faction, but they've added the New Age Outlaws and the former 123 Kid who's now known as X Pac, who now has gotten a complete makeover.

D Generation X are notorious for their rebellious, shocking and downright savage antics, they're part of the reason why the WWF is known as WWF Attitude.

One of their naughty (yet tame and mild compared to the other things they've done) moments they've done is when Triple H dared them to urinate, as in pee/piss, on a group of redneck bikers known as the Legion of Doom's motorcycles, and of course they peed on their motorbikes because D Generation X.

They'll do anything for shock value.

And this moment just so happened to be in April of 1998.

(Here's a fun fact: this was DX's own idea and apparently they actually did pee on the Legion of Doom's motorcycles).

Seeing them piss on the Legion of Doom's motorcycles actually gave you not one, but two ideas.

One was an idea you definitely want to do, another is an idea you're skeptical about, the skeptical idea might make DX skeptical as well.

One day in April of 1998, before D Generation X invaded WCW, you told Triple H an idea that popped in your head after he dared DX to piss on the Legion of Doom's bikes, and he loved your idea.

He wasn't the only one you shared your idea with.

You told another D Generation X member your plan involving this member, and that member is Billy Gunn.

Billy, of course, loves your idea.

But there's other wrestlers in your plan you told your idea to.

In the 1980's, there was a tagteam known as the Midnight Express, they were managed by Jim Cornette, and in 1998, despite that the WWF's Attitude era was notorious for having trash talking, beer drinking, middle finger flashing rednecks, obnoxious fratboys who point to their crotches and shout an equally obscene catchphrase and do rebellious and downright jawdropping shit, a pimp with a group of prostitutes, a porn star, a nutcase who carries a female mannequin head, and a slutty nymphomaniac, this era also gave us the new Midnight Express, who weren't really all that badass.

And this new Midnight Express didn't have any of the original members, but instead Bart Gunn---the same Bart Gunn who was once tagteam partners with Billy Gunn and would later on be in that infamous Brawl for All--and Bob Holly, the same Bob Holly that would end up becoming known as "Crash Holly" during the Attitude era and having platinum blond Eminem wannabe hair.

Even though the new Midnight Express was a complete flop, Bart Gunn has grown his hair out and he looks so much hotter with longer hair than with short hair (though, that's true of men and women in general).

Bob Holly also now has blond hair and looks like a Great Value Brand Ric Flair.

Bob is kind of handsome and attractive, he might not be Paul Bearer levels of ugly, but he isn't Shawn Michaels or Jeff Hardy in terms of looks.

You shared with Bart and Bob your plan you had involving them, and they too, liked your idea, though they're not so enthusiastic about it.

Finally, there was one last wrestler in the WWF you had to tell your idea with.

Who is he? Scott Taylor.

The same Scott Taylor that would eventually become Scotty 2 Hotty and become notorious for doing the worm.

Before he cut his hair and bleached it blond, he had long, tousled honey blond hair, and he was kinda cute.

You shared with him your idea, and he liked your idea.

You told each of these wrestlers where you've planned on doing your idea, and one evening, you invited them to the locker room.

You sat on the locker room's floor on your knees, whereas these aforementioned wrestlers were standing and swarming all around you.

These wrestlers standing around you pulled their tights down, and if they were wearing jeans, they pulled the zippers and let the buttons of their jeans escape from the holes, only to pull their jeans down, all of these men exposing their erections pointing right in front of your face.

Of course, they didn't pull their tights down one another (i.e. Triple H pulling Bart Gunn's tights or whatever).

While they were pulling their tights and jeans down, you lifted the oversized T-shirt you were wearing off of your torso and over your head, you wore no bra underneath.

Triple H and Billy's eyes grew wild seeing you topless, they could nearly roar out "yyyyyeaaaaaaaahhhh!!!" seeing your bare tits.

Once their dicks, at least the tips of their penises, were pointing at your face, they began to masturbate, wrapping their fingers around their shafts and pumping their cocks.

Again, Triple H didn't put his fingers around Billy Gunn's shaft and give him a handjob, but I wanted to explain this all better.

Since cum might touch your face, you closed your eyes, so their precum or even jizz in general won't get in your eyes, that stings and hurts your eyes.

These wrestlers jerking off in front of your face were looking down at your face.

"Why's she closing her eyes?" Scott asked.

"So cum won't get in her eyes" Triple H answered. "It stings when cum gets in someone's eye"

Scott nodded his head, not knowing this fact.

Triple H had a huge, shit eating grin while he masturbated to your face, so did Billy.

Triple H was standing in front of your face, so was Bart and Billy, they're the hottest ones, whereas Scott and Bob were standing by the sides of your face and head.

While you were sitting on the floor, you were imagining Billy during his New Age Outlaws days at the end of 1997 beating off in front of your face, that was when he was at his sexiest.

And, while Bob Holly and Scott Taylor are pretty attractive, you imagined it was Shawn Michaels and Jeff Hardy jerking their cocks off on your face.

You miss Shawn SO much and Jeff sadly couldn't be in the WWF at the beginning of 1998.

The WWF made a big mistake when they didn't hire Rob Van Dam at first, you wish he could've jerked off in front of your face as well.

It's also too bad Leif Cassidy had to grow facial hair (he eventually went by Al Snow, which is what he'll always be remembered for) and Marty Jannetty left the WWF, they could jerk off on your face and tits too.

Some other wrestlers in the locker room are seeing what's going on.

They see the backs of these wrestlers all huddled together and hear these masturbation-like noises, what's going on?

They walked over to behind what's going on, only to find you sitting on the locker room's floor, having these wrestlers jack off their cocks in front of your face, hoping to aim their precum on your face and tits.

Some of them rolled their eyes and expected "typical" and walked away, others were watching what was going on.

"Hey, can I join too?" one wrestler asked.

"Fuck off!" Triple H barked back.

It's probably some ugly wrestler you don't care about, so he can go away.

"Fuck you, motherfucker!" this wrestler snapped back, pointing the middle finger at them. "Your chick is a whore"

Whatever, he can go fuck himself or go fuck Sunny, for all you care.

Some of their precum is hitting your face and dripping down your face, and when they're not aiming at your face, they're aiming at your tits.

And yep, some of their precum is landing on your tits, dripping down the skin on your breasts.

The room was filled with sounds of these male wrestlers in front of you masturbating their dicks as well as some of their groans, grunts and soft, quiet moans and breathing.

You slightly were inspired by this bukakke after when DX peed on the Legion of Doom's bicycles, and you want their precum and jizz to flow out of their penis heads like urine.

Not having little spurts, no, having a huge flow of cum shoot on your face and tits, like someone's bladder is full and they're emptying their bladder by taking a long piss without little pauses.

While sitting on your knees, you're contemplating whether or not to stick your tongue out and catch their precum on your tongue like a snowflake.

You opened your eyes and looked up at these wrestlers towering above you, jerking off.

They saw that you opened your eyes, what's going on?

Thought you didn't want cum in your eyes.

"Guys" you said "Should I stick my tongue out and catch your precum with my tongue?"

That rhymed, you thought. Cum with tongue.

The wrestlers in front of you heard what you had said, they thinking about it.

"Whatever you want" Bart suggested, shrugging his shoulders.

"I'll look like a dog sticking my tongue out!" you protested, pointing to your lips.

Though, you're pretty sure these wrestlers do want to see you stick your tongue out.

"Do you want to see my tongue out?" you asked them.

"I don't mind" Billy admitted.

Though, you sticking your tongue out will kinda ruin this bukkake orgy, but whatever.

Scott, Bart and Bob were indifferent, Triple H probably does wanna see you stick your tongue out.

Whatever.

Your tongue lolled out of your mouth, which made Billy Gunn and Triple H roar out these huge "yyyyyyyeaaaaaahh!"s and spread ear-to-ear smiles on their faces.

You lifted and stuck your tongue out, enough so their precum will get on your tongue, looking like when you were a kid catching snowflakes and raindrops with your tongue.

Surprisingly, no precum got into your eyes, thank goodness.

Some of it, though was dripping on top of your tongue, and when you got enough precum on your tongue, you pulled your tongue back in your mouth, the top and bottom of your mouth opening wide so the precum won't get off of your tongue thanks to your lips or teeth.

You shut your mouth and swallowed the precum, their precum running down your throat.

When they weren't aiming their dicks at your face, then they were aiming them at your tits, some of their precum getting on your breasts.

"Play with your tits a bit!" Triple H ordered you to do "Rub them!"

You lifted your hands and placed them on your breasts, where you could feel their precum on the tips of your fingers.

You began to caress, smear and rub their precum on your tits, all of the wrestlers standing in front of you observing and watching this (that rhymed).

Triple H and Billy adored this, ear-to-ear smiles plastered on their faces, roaring "yyyyyyyyyyeaaaaaaaaahhhh!", even Scott and Bob enjoyed this.

Bart somewhat enjoyed this as well, a slight little smirk on his face, but he wasn't as heavily into it as Billy and Triple H were.

Triple H isn't much different from who he plays in the WWF, even when the cameras aren't rolling, Billy's quite a bit of a scamp as well.

You removed your hands off of your breasts so they could see your tits, your breasts looking oily and shiny courtesy of you rubbing their precum on them.

"Fuck yeahhhhh!!!" Billy roared, he and Triple H both way too happy about this.

They were smiling so much, their smiles could spread out of their faces like Freaky Fred from "Courage the Cowardly Dog", or those people with ear-to-ear shit eating grins in Soundgarden's "Black Hole Sun" music video.

Billy and Triple H have beautiful smiles, by the way.

You shook your tits back and forth a bit, the two of them absolutely loving this, Billy making a wolf whistle with his other hand.

You didn't invite X Pac and Road Dogg to this bukakke session, because they're both ugly.

Sadly, Shawn isn't in the WWF anymore.

Your tongue slipped out between your lips once more, sticking it out horizontally as far as it would go.

You look ridiculous but whatever gets cum on your tongue.

These wrestlers lifted their cocks up above your tongue and proceeded to jerk off above your tongue and on your face, some of their precum getting on top of your tongue.

Your tongue crawled back into your mouth, closing it once it was inside your mouth, and swallowed their precum.

While these men were all jerking off, some of their precum was spilling down their shafts, which made their cocks slipperier, easier for them to masturbate.

Some of these men were breathing quite heavily, leaning their heads back and groaning over how good it feels to pump their cocks.

You would probably like to stick your tongue out and get all of these men's precum and maybe even regular cum to be on top of your tongue, but Bob and Scott are on the sides of your faces.

While these men are jacking their cocks off in front of your face, they're trying to not let their shafts and penises touch one another.

Getting jizzed on is wonderful, but maybe you should tell which man where you want them to cum on you.

Though, you're thinking of having all of these men jizz on your face, even the men who aren't all that attractive.

Speaking of cum...

"Oh-oh my God, I'm gonna cum!" Billy Gunn exclaimed, and he groaned when he came.

His dick was pointing at your tits, and he jizzed on your chest, his cum no longer clear, but white.

While ejaculating on your face is nice, it's also equally nice for him to cum on your tits.

Pretty soon, one after another, but not RIGHT after, these wrestlers officially did cum.

Triple H came on your face and a bit on your tits.

Bob and Scott came on the sides of your face, which is where you want them to cum on.

Bart jizzed on your face.

Oh, if only these men officially ejaculated on both your face and your tits (and maybe even your mouth as well!).

Your face looks like you have melted white candle wax, lotion or coffee cream on it.

When all of the men had came, you finished them off with blowjobs, cleaning their cocks and shafts off with your mouth and tongue.

Triple H and Billy both couldn't resist shouting "suck it!!" while you performed fellatio on them, separately, as well as doing the iconic "crotch chop" that goes with that phrase.

Sometimes, while you were sucking and cleaning one cock, you moved your face over to the other cock and sucked and licked it.

You'd love to put maybe two cocks in your mouth, specifically Triple H and maybe Bart or Billy Gunn's cocks, but they don't want their dicks to touch one another!

No homo.

Though, remember, Triple H did once say "I'm many things that are bi, but lingual isn't one of them!".

And the homoerotic innuendo D Generation X had...

Billy eventually went on to be in Billy and Chuck, a tag team with a blatantly homosexual gimmick and even almost had a same sex marriage, and Billy is also someone who eventually would wear short shorts, sometimes they'd be colored pink, with kisses all over them.

Hell, they compete in a sport involving muscular, sweaty, oiled up men groping and hugging each other, sometimes they're so close to each other, their genitals touch one another, while wearing tights and Speedo's and having their faces in each other's crotches, and they're afraid of touching another guy's wang?

When this little orgy was over, you confessed to these men another idea you had in mind was them...peeing on you.

Urinating.

Pissing.

On you.

Yes, inspired by when D Generation X peed on the Legion of Doom's bicycles.

They all couldn't help but burst into laughter, some of their eyes grew wild and big, but in shock.

While it isn't as disgusting or bacteria filled as something else you do in the toilet, getting peed on is a little gross.

But pee doesn't really contain almost no bacteria.

Donald Trump is a huge WWE fan and even in the WWE Hall of Fame, and of course, there's that rumored tape of him watching Russian prostitutes pee.

If only he was to see you get urinated on by some WWF wrestlers.

But Donald is a piece of shit so fuck him.

There's also that urban legend that Shawn Michaels invited 3 ringrats to a hotel room, whipped his cock out and peed in their mouths or faces (or both).

If only he didn't have to leave the WWF!

A notorious moment in the WWF eventually was when Triple H claimed he was gonna pee on the audience, and it's implied he "pees" on the audience while the rest of DX are bunched next to him, only for the camera to shift around them and show it's Triple H just cranking a Supersoaker.

Wonder if this little bukakke session was the inspiration for that moment?

[prorevenge]

When enough is enough, people lose jobs and go to prison

This is my story. I finally feel like I can talk about this particular time in my life and appreciate what it took.

I’m not on mobile, so feel free to criticize my grammar. Although English is not my first language so temper the criticism.

WARNING: This is a VERY long post. TLDR at the end.

Background

This pro-revenge took place when I was in high school in the mid 2000s, a time in my country when there was much public outcry over bullying/hazing in boarding schools. A couple of students in different schools had died from injuries resulting from bullying. Other schools were rioting and burning shit. They were under increased scrutiny. It was a whole thing.

Personally, my life in high school was not fun. I was a fat boy with very low self-esteem going into my first year. The bullying I experienced quickly led to a depression. I was prone to self harm and recklessness and a bit of suicidal ideation. The thing that made high school particularly nightmarish though was the sexual abuse. Low-key comments about my sexuality from this group of about five boys in fourth form. They called me and my best friends gay. The social stigma associated with homosexuality here is really extreme. These boys would stalk and terrorize me. They left threatening notes under my sheets: “we’re going to fuck you up for being a fucking gay,” “we’re going to fucking rape you,” etc. So I had only one close friend who knew what was going on. Ironically, after an entire term of convincing everyone that I was gay, this same group began sexually abusing me. I’ll spare you the details, but my first year in high school was the worst time of my life. But you’re not here for my sad story, so moving on!

Sometime in the middle of the term, the vice principal (VP) of our school was changed due to the aforementioned public backlash from the bullying scandals. The previous VP was a decent man, but the new VP was not. He came with a well-earned reputation of being unnecessarily harsh, dishing out suspensions and expulsions like candy on Halloween.

The Last Straw

A few weeks after the new VP came in, and I’m having an incredibly shitty week that is really battering my mind (yes, the bullying and sexual abuse was still going on). Now, every Friday night, a group of kids used to climb through a window into the computer lab and play video games. The windows had bars on them, but a slim person could fit through. (I am not slim by any definition; unless the definition is fat). Among this group of kids was this troublemaker dude in my class and my dorm with the same common name. Turns out, the VP had confused the two of us, and I was the one who was in his crosshairs.

That Friday, the kids were caught. Some of them, including my namesake, managed to escape. The VP was called in and the students who were caught snitched. Security was sent to the dorms to bring the other culprits. Cue me being woken up at 3:00 am in the morning and dragged to ‘the scene of the crime’ to endure a beating for something I hadn’t done (corporal punishment was tacitly legal then/now). My explanation that there is clearly no way for me to fit through the window were met with more canings.

What really pissed me off was that the VP had us bring our belongings to his office at night for an inspection with the excuse of searching for stolen computer equipment. He came across my very private journal, and like the dick he was, he proceeded to ridicule me for having a diary in front of the teachers, watchmen, and the students I was bundled with. It didn’t help matters that I broke down and cried in front of them. I don’t think I have ever felt such humiliation in my life before. The following morning, we were suspended for two weeks.

Two weeks later, my parents took me back to school. I had only told them of the mistaken identity that I suspected and the wrongful accusation. They already knew about the bullying. I didn’t tell them about the VP going through my diary or the sexual stuff. I was still writhing in humiliation. The VP, being the absolute bunghole that he was, had convinced himself that I was the ringleader of this group of boys (again, mistaken identity), and thus deserved extra punishment. He ordered me to clear out a large patch of weeds and overgrown grass between the rugby pitch and the hockey field, about the size of a football field, using only a slasher.

Just as I’m about to head out, it starts raining and it’s the middle of July, so much cold (temperatures regularly dip to below 10 degrees (Celsius) at night). So instead of going to the field, I head to class to wait out the rain. A few minutes later, the VP barged in furious, interrupting the Geography lesson.

He proceeded to tear me a new one, even mentioning my private journal, and then he threatened to expel me if I left the field before I finished my punishment. Mind you, this was one of the best schools in our region. It had actually been my first choice. He then he proceeded to cane me again just to make his point stick.

At this point I just broke. All of this punishment was due to something that I had not done. I was completely innocent but this asswipe just couldn’t listen. The ridicule, the humiliation, the bullying, and the abuse all just came to a head at that point, and I decided to just fuck it all to hell.

So I walked out into the rain, slasher in hand, with not even a sweater. This was about four in the afternoon. I never returned.

I think the VP never really expected me to complete the punishment. But then, I doubt he had ever met someone who decided they had no more fucks left to give either. My initial plan was to crucify him with his own words.

Dusk fell with me cold and drenched ripping up ferns from the ground. By midnight, I was shivering and crying uncontrollably and it was too dark to see shit. I still persevered and started blindly cutting the grass, driven by this mad desire to just hurt. I really didn’t care who I hurt. Sure, a part of my motivation was that if I did get sick out here, the VP would be in a fuckload of trouble, but there was another part of me that was just like, “fuck it, life sucks anyways.”

By midnight, I was too cold to continue. I ran out of energy and just sat down under a tree. Towards dawn I was so cold from the rain and the wind that my shivers began reducing. It was impossible for me to sleep. The teachers finally found me there a couple of hours after dawn. Apparently, the teacher on duty had found my desk empty during morning study time (between 4:30 and 6:00 am). When he asked where I was, it came about that I had not been in bed the previous night either. He then called the VP and other teachers who began searching the school and they finally found me in the field.

The Pro-Revenge (Yaay! Its finally here!)

I don’t know much about what happened immediately after, I was so out of it. I do remember the teachers rushed me to the school nurse, who immediately recommended I be taken to the hospital. I spent a week there due to complications (pneumonia). And a very expensive week it was, all on the school’s dime. My parents were pissed as fuck, and I couldn’t blame them.

The school’s board of governors convened after my parents contacted them. The days before my parents and I were called in to speak before the board, I had the idea to just face my fears and put everything out in the open. I was just done with that school and everybody there. So on that day, in front of a group of musty old men in the boardroom, I finally shed my burden. I told them everything, my only motivation being to bury the piece of shit VP and my tormentors. I don’t think I’ve ever done anything that scary before. From the mistaken identity, the suspension, the punishment in the rain, the threat to expel me if decided to seek shelter, and the crown jewel the bullying and the sexual abuse, I laid it all out. I knew that would definitely get their attention. The board called my best friend, who backed me up. The VP was in no position to win a he-said they-said contest with us at that moment.

The VP was fired that day. A few days later, a zero tolerance policy on bullying was announced. I think the board was acutely afraid of finding themselves in the news for all the wrong reasons. They didn’t want their school to be one of ‘those’ schools, despite the fact that it was one of the worst. Over the holidays my friend told me that things got really serious after that. People didn’t know why, but suddenly, any act of bullying was met with immediate and unconditional expulsion.

As for the boys who had been terrorizing me, they were arrested. My dad went to the police with the threatening notes I had been receiving all year long. The school board supported us in this, on the condition that we (my parents and I) do not take the story to the media. I was happy with that arrangement. I had no desire to be the face of male rape victims. We had a few meetings with an investigator from the public prosecutor’s office. A couple of months later, the office reached out, told us that the boys had plead guilty. One of them got off scot-free coz his dad was some senior army guy (corruption smh). Three of them got ten years each. The last one got eighteen. The topping: They were all in their fourth and final year. They got arrested just as they were about to sit for their national exams to go to university. Their lives are ruined and I have absolutely no remorse for them.

TL;DR: Abusers made my first year of high school a waking nightmare. Asshole vice principal was the final straw. I decided to face my fears and took them all down. Vice principal gets fired, (most of) my abusers get a decade + in prison.

(source) story by (/u/JimmyChinosKnowsNose)

[goodticklebrain]

Q&A August: Kevin Condardo and Dan Beaulieu

It’s the final installment of Q&A August! I hope you’ve had fun meeting some of my Shakespeare friends. I know I’ve had a lot of fun asking them these questions, and I’m definitely going to do this again some time, as I have SO MANY MORE cool Shakespeare friends for you to meet. But for now, let’s turn to my closers, my last and least, Kevin Condardo and Dan Beaulieu, the bros behind one of my favorite Shakespeare podcasts: No Holds Bard!

I was skeptical about No Holds Bard at first. Launched in 2015, it appeared to be two white dudes yelling about Shakespeare at each other, which did not particularly appeal to me. I didn’t even start listening to it until I met Dan and his partner in crime, Christine Penney, in person at the Shakespeare Theatre Association conference in 2016. Tousled and bewhiskered like a pirate, Dan was overwhelmingly brash, loud, unruly, obnoxious, insufferable… and somehow inexplicably charming. After meeting him, I finally started listening to No Holds Bard and found that the podcast was also brash, loud, unruly, obnoxious, insufferable… and somehow inexplicably charming.

Two things are immediately apparent upon listening to No Holds Bard: Dan and Kevin (his slightly less unruly and obnoxious co-host and the brains of the operation) both know their Shakespeare and love their Shakespeare. Their highly entertaining arguments and bro-y banter are backed up with serious knowledge of Shakespearean text and performance, and, in spite of their best efforts to contrary, you can actually learn a lot from them. Also (and this is important) they regularly make me laugh out loud.

In 2017 Kevin and Dan invited me to be their first ever guest on No Holds Bard. With some trepidation, I agreed and discovered that Kevin and Dan in real life are EXACTLY THE SAME as they are on the podcast. Recording with them was a blast, and since then I have thoroughly enjoyed keeping up with the podcast (occasionally falling months behind and then frantically trying to catch up) and interacting with them and other No Holds Bard listeners (a.k.a. Bardflies) on Twitter.

And so, it gives me great pleasure to present that charmingly insufferable duo, the joint top bananas of No Holds Bard, Kevin and Dan!

1. Who are you? Why Shakespeare?

KEVIN: I’m Kevin Condardo: host of the NO HOLDS BARD podcast (The Shakespeare Podcast Shakespeare Would Have Listened To*), performing arts administrator, Boston sports fan, and lover of all things theater. I’m the managing director of the Seven Stages Shakespeare Company based out of Portsmouth, New Hampshire, and I work on the business end of the Off-Broadway theater industry in New York City.

My first introduction to Shakespeare was a terrible production of Romeo and Juliet that I saw on a school field trip in eighth grade, most notable for everyone being in Elizabethan costumes and having Mercutio thrusting himself seemingly on every other word in a failing effort at convincing school kids that Shakespeare was making dirty jokes and is therefore relatable. I loathed Shx until my sophomore year of college, when I auditioned for Cymbeline in college because it was a shared audition for the play I really wanted to be in (Twelve Angry Men). I was required to prepare a Shakespearian monologue and so I memorized and performed it with a British accent (as a sophomore in college!!), and about ten seconds in my professor Deb Kinghorn stopped me and asked me what the hell I was doing, and I said Shakespeare, and she said no I wasn’t. Somehow I was cast as a boorish, fratty Cloten, and over the course of that production I fell in love with Shakespeare and never looked back.

DAN: Hey! I’m Dan Beaulieu: I’m an avid Shakespeare lover, performer, director, student of the game. I am CO-host and top banana on the aforementioned No Holds Bard podcast with my fellow CO-host Kevin. I am the co-founder and Artistic Director of Seven Stages Shakespeare Company, a former Ambassador for the Shakespeare Society in NYC, member of the internationally renowned Passion in Practice and The Shakespeare Ensemble (both helmed by the incomparable Ben Crystal), and frequent collaborator with the New York City based company Rude Grooms (led by the always lovely Montgomery Sutton).

Why Shagspeare? I deeply admire his sprawling exploration of the human condition, his probing of Magick and Witches, his Timelessness, and perhaps most importantly the fact that it IS in fact for everybody, if you let it be.

2. What moment(s) in Shakespeare always make you laugh?

KEVIN: It’s more of an incredulous cackle than a laugh, but...after the Richard / Lady Anne scene, after we think we’ve seen the bunch-back’d toad bare his soul in expressing his love for his lady, he tells us “I’ll have her, but I will not keep her long” - cueing the audience to hopefully boo and hiss - after which Shakespeare gives him “What?” to respond to the disgusted audience. What a joy for an actor! (And if you have a Richard that doesn’t elicit at least one gasp on that line and thus has no audience members to give that “What?” to, you know you’re in for a long evening of theater.)

DAN: I think Petruchio’s entrance to the wedding, when costumed properly, is pretty hilarious. I also get a good chuckle out of “That’s a shelled peascod” from King Lear. Something about the phrase “Shelled Peascod” just gets me. Hamlet’s sardonic humor in the scene leading up to The Mousetrap is also stacked up with great laugh lines.

KEVIN: Do you mean country matters?

3. What's a favorite Shakespearean performance anecdote?

DAN: As a raging egoist, I’ll share my favorite anecdote from a performance I was in. I was playing Titus and in the scene where I lose my hand I was given a messenger bag to carry around with me. They actually had me carry it for the whole first half of the play so it wouldn’t be weird when I had it in this scene. The dummy hand was stored in there so when the “theater magic” moment happened I’d dip the hand out of the bag and TADA! I’m handless! Well, one night the hand fell out of the bag several moments before it was supposed to be cut off. I jumped on the hand like a fumbled football and took my rant from the floor of the stage. (It was a three quarter thrust, 70 seat black box so there wasn’t anywhere to hide.) After the show, several members of the cast commented on how I was “really feeling that scene”, not realizing I was not feeling it at all...I was simply scattering to figure out a way to justify a random hand lying on the ground moments before the audience would see it again.

KEVIN: When I was a company manager at Shakespeare in the Park in NYC, it was my responsibility to cancel or hold the show in case of inclement weather - which meant my “job” all summer was to sit in the back of the house and watch every performance while refreshing about five different weather apps and calculate if we were going to be able to get the show in. During The Merchant of Venice, we were flirting with a rainstorm all night - the sky looked very ominous from the start but nothing had fallen, even though I and the entire audience knew it was coming. The weather held all evening, up until Portia’s “The quality of mercy is not strained / It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven…” at which point, the gentlest rain you ever felt began to droppeth from heaven, allowing Portia to turn her palm up to feel the rain fall and the entire crowd to “ooh” in unison. Goosebump city.

4. What's one of the more unusual Shakespearean interpretations you've either seen or would like to see?

KEVIN: I’m no director, but I’d love to see an As You Like It set around 1910, where the music at the court is all Sousa marches and barber shop (basically The Music Man), and then when they go to the country you have the same musicians and instrumentations playing Jelly Roll Morton and the jazz and dixieland that was exploding at the same moment. (Artistic directors: I’ll be waiting by the phone for my call.)

DAN: I called you to do this several years ago, but...musicians.

I’d like to direct a production of Twelfth Night in a very large warehouse immersive experience where the central design conceit is a House of Mirrors….possibly around Halloween or in Coney Island during the winter. Full creep zone. Similarly, I think it’d be fun to do an As You Like It in a corn maze or a Jacobean influenced pageant production of Midsummer Night’s Dream as a haunted hayride that starts around 6pm and goes til midnight, getting scarier and scarier as the night goes on. Bring the little kids early for fun fairies and come back at 11pm for the weird ones.

5. What's one of your favorite Shakespearean "hidden gems"?

DAN: I’m a sucker for the fact that when Romeo and Juliet meet for the first time their exchange is a shared sonnet. It’s not necessarily “hidden” but I love when I see a production that is clearly “going there” with that moment.

KEVIN: I talk about it all the time on the podcast but I LOVE the King of France in All’s Well that Ends Well. So deferential, kind, funny, but also strong and forceful when required - along with some endlessly quotable lines. Perhaps more “underrated” than “hidden gem?”

DAN: I like that we both just couched our answers in “this isn’t exactly what you asked, but it’s the answer we’re going to give anyway”. If you enjoy this kind of response to questions, you’ll love our podcast!

6. What passages from Shakespeare have stayed with you?

KEVIN: Ironically and annoyingly, the Shakespeare quote I use the most is actually a misquote that got locked into my brain during my only professional gig - a production of Antony and Cleopatra at the Theater at Monmouth. There’s a sequence where Antony is waiting for an update from the field, and when the messenger arrives the actor playing Antony would turn violently to him and spew out “The news from Sicyon, ho!”. I loved the way he delivered the line and started incorporating it into my life every time someone entered a room with information that the rest of us were waiting on. Unfortunately, that line doesn’t exist - either the actor learned it wrong, or the director inverted it - and the actual line, “From Sicyon, ho, the news!”, doesn’t quite have the same allure.

DAN: I suppose I have to go with the two I have tattooed on my body, as they literally stay with me. They are “To Be” and “This above all, to thine own self be true”. I’m grateful that the verb in both lines is Be, which is deceptively simple. As an actor, it’s really what we’re asked to do---just be.

7. What Shakespeare plays have changed for you?

DAN: I used to make Pericles the butt of all of my “Shakespeare made mistakes too you know?!” jokes. Admittedly that was before I ever read it or worked on it. Now it is easily one of my favorite Shakespeare plays and one that I expect to see more and more of in the future. Disney is sleeping on a gold mine, though I hope Pixar beats them to it.

KEVIN: I have to ask: which play is the punchline to that joke now?

DAN: Henry VIII or Measure (come at me Measure lovers!)

KEVIN: For me, it’s the histories. A few summers ago, Seven Stages Shakespeare Company (helmed by Dan, Christine Penney, and myself) did a one-day, fourteen-hour reading of all eight of the linked history plays one after the other. After seeing the way the storylines feed so deeply one into the other (most particularly Margaret’s arc), I don’t think I’ll ever be able to see any one of them individually the same way again.

Mya interjects: The Seven Stages history day is definitely on my list of “productions I’m kicking myself for missing”. If you do it again, boys, let me know. I am available for any bit parts that don’t require replicating actual human emotions.

8. What Shakespearean character or characters do you identify the most with?

KEVIN: I feel the deepest connection to the seconds-in-command, but to choose the one that encapsulates that the most I’ll say Gloucester from King Lear. Ever since childhood I’ve always considered myself a second rather than a first - I took pride in Little League being the catcher that served as the psychologist for the pitchers, I relate much more to Tom Hagen than to Michael Corleone, and in Shakespeare I’m much more connected to the person who holds the ear of the person everyone is looking at rather than being the center of attention myself.

DAN: I feel a deep connection to Jaques- especially his description of melancholy and the cynical way he sees the world around him, as witnessed in the Seven Ages speech. I fancy myself a fool and appreciate Jaques function in the play, both as a countervoice to the romanticized experience of Arden so many have, his dismay at the murder of the deer, and his departure from the rest of the group at the end.

9. Where can we find out more about you? Are there any projects/events you would like us to check out?

KEVIN: I bare my soul weekly* on the NO HOLDS BARD podcast, which Dan frequently appears on as co-host / second banana. The show is available for download on iTunes and Stitcher, and also the full* archive is available on our website at noholdsbard.com. You should also follow us on Twitter @NoHoldsBardCast and on Facebook at Facebook.com SLAAAASSHHHH NoHoldsBardCast!

DAN: If you are the market for stuff about the top banana specifically check out my website at www.danbeauknows.com. Seven Stages has a ton of exciting projects coming up including season eight of ShakesBEERiences in NH and a full production of MacBeth this autumn near Halloween. If you want more luscious No Holds Bard Content, check out our Patreon at www.patreon.com slash noholdsbard. Also, I’ll be touring Japan with several dear friends, including Dylan Kammerer, Tim Jacobs, Andrew Codispoti, Ben Crystal and The Shakespeare Ensemble this September playing Hamlet in Hamlet, Banquo in MacBeth, and Mercutio in Romeo and Juliet. It’s a dream track with an incredible ensemble so if you are in Japan, come check it out!

(Back to Mya) Thanks so much to Kevin and Dan for answering my questions and helping me out this month! Confession: when I was scheduling my guests for this month, I deliberately penciled Kevin and Dan in for the last slot, not because I thought they’d be a particularly boffo ending (although, obviously, they are) but because I was sure they wouldn’t get their answers in until the very last second. To my shock, they send them in well over a week early, which, I can only assume, involved a great deal of personal sacrifice and discipline on their part. For that, and for constantly entertaining me as I drive around town, I am very grateful to them.

You can listen to me banter with Kevin and Dan on the following episodes of No Holds Bard:

#86 - Holy Sh*t It’s Mya Gosling

#138: The Fantasy Shakespeare Season Draft II

Also, do consider chucking a couple bucks their way each month on Patreon, as I do.

Thanks once again to EVERYONE who helped me out this month: Austin Tichenor, Kate Powers, Sam White, David Prosser, Kate Pitt, Christy Burgess, Kevin Condardo and Dan Beaulieu! I am so lucky in my friends and in my Shakespeare community. My life is still kind of crazy at the moment so I’m taking next week off, but I’ll be back after that (hopefully, and at last) with some new comics!

[fluidsf]

Resonant Visions 7 Follow Up

Various Artists: The Warmest Hum (2019)

Artwork by O.R

Reviewed format: Digital compilation on VAAGNER

Welcome to this follow up to Resonant Visions 7, in which I reviewed Crosspolar: 51.2763° N, 30.2219° E (2018) released on the VAAGNER label. This follow up is linked to the label itself in this case as they suggested me to check out this recent new 2019 release as well. Once again we can find some lovely monochrome artwork on this compilation, this one titled The Warmest Hum and this is a Various Artists compilation featuring 20 different tracks by 21 artists (Alethe being a featured artists on one of the tracks) which (as I was told via Facebook message) is focused and based on the hiss and tangibility of music, to which this is an ode. Indeed this element of hiss is also directly visible in the compilation cover artwork by O.R, in this case in the Digital version. Especially when you watch the image at a large size you can see the grainy "hissy" and dotted texture of the image, which even on the digital format has a very physical "printed" feel to it. Showing plants and small flowers, the image has a very calm, peaceful ambience to it which also directly references the music on this compilation which has a very organic feeling to it, with many of the 20 pieces using either subdued electronics or electro-acoustic approaches that are very human in both performance and composition. The image has a "faded", saturated, almost overexposed brightness to it in which the small flowers look like little starts dotted through the image, the bigger leaves are almost fading into eachother and the small striplike plants create a dynamic in the photo like a circular movement. All in all, the cover image is more of a close up photo then Crosspolar's cover, but the warm, subtle but also "faded" ambience of the image definitely introduces the sound of the music on this compilation rather well too.

The Warmest Hum starts with the piece Septembermorgon by Isorinne. The piece features warm synth melodies over subdued low melodic patterns and a subtly droning bass. The piece features a lot of vinyl crackles and a whiny mechanical sound in the background. The ambience feels a lot like the soundtrack to living on a houseboat. The vinyl crackles like soft rain on the windows, while the melodies describe the calm tranquil feeling of daily life and the mechanical whine and additional high frequency twinkling sounds point towards a creaky but cosy structure of the houseboat itself, very nice. On the next track we have Thet Liturgiske Owäsendet with Varsel. A more minimalist drone piece that features quite a lot of tape hiss and some great deep kalimba resonances. This piece really feels like a continuous stream, a boat trip out on the endless sea, a journey into the unknown with the meditative qualities of the filtered drone and the intriguing scattered melody of the kalimba. Additional crackles and mechanical artifacts add to the ambience and give it a very "out in the open" feeling. Then we have øjeRum who features on this compilation with the piece Grenen På Traeet, Traeet På Bjerget, it's a minimalist piece in which a looped and heavily filtered and saturated melody creates a warm soft clouded drone ambience. Subtle shifts in melody and accentuation of the resonances happen overtime, again in a streamlike flow the music let's us dive into a meditative state of mind , making the fragile fuzz and hissy edge of the music almost reachable to physically touch and the ever shifting balance between ambience and rhythm of the melodies adds an intriguing progressive evolution within the piece itself. Korea Undok Group bring us a piece called The Spur that nicely reminds me of the 80's underground tape scene. Fuzzed out warbly drones accompany a repeating melodic pattern on detuned piano creating an eerie midnight ambience in which anything can happen, but while the ambience is mysterious, it's not "dangerous" so to speak. Then we have SPRRW's piece Find Me In The Pona At Night. It's a melancholic ambient piece featuring soft warbled melodies that are accompanied by various sounds of water and crackling which create the sonic Pond background from the title, combined with a whispering voice it definitely is a sweet introspective nocturnal piece of music. The next piece is Untitled by Mor. It's a piece with a very strong forest ambience which is especially enhanced by the nature sounds accompanying the deep and warmly glowing droning melody, a gorgeous melodic soundscape that has evokes a good meditative state and is richly detailed as well, very nice. Then on his track Became, Machinefabriek moves the compilation's focus into a more abstract Electro-Acoustic direction with plenty of subtly but sometimes sharp crackling, resonances, artifacts. What I love about this piece is the way two tones create a leitmotif in the piece that add a really nice, midnight quiet street type of sonic image in my mind. I'd say that The Warmest Hum does have a very nocturnal ambience about it in general too, the many artifacts, crackles and other sounds within the pieces or affecting the sound of the pieces also adds both a feeling of comfort and a nostalgic feelings to the general ambience of the compilation. After Became, Fortunes Brine brings us an eerie Twin Peaks like ambience in the piece Grytviken which features a spooky piano melody accompanying sharp phased synth drones. The rising and falling dynamics of the piece create some excellent tension and the saturated and subtly warbling pitch of the melodies adds a convincing feeling of unease to the music but the piece also still feels quite calming too. I love the sitar sounding resonance of the synth drone too, it adds quite a lot of richness to the textures of the music. Afterwards Moss Harvest amps up the drones with a more distorted and at times bordering Noise type of ambience that's blended with lush field recordings of what sounds like a river. The repeating melody evolves gradually overtime in its sonic colours and textures, rising and falling into subtle, then harsher sharper overtones and resonances. A really lovely Noise Drone piece that is both deep and tense in its composition and performance and the field recordings add some sweet details to the soundscape of the piece. Then on Crisis Actor's piece Untitled we have a single synth melody that evolves overtime using the filter to create new variations of the texture of the melody. It's the fuzziest track on the compilation, with its heavily compressed and saturated sound recalling older Clark tracks, but with a much more intensely lo-fi sound and tension to it and the sharp dynamic bursts of sound that occur throughout this short piece are spectacular and gripping. Crosspolar amps up the tape hiss quite some more with his piece Intermission 4: Tundra (Ambient Mix), which sounds like it's taken from the same set of tracks as the tracklist of 51.2763° N, 30.2219° E was compiled with. It's quite a subtle piece in terms of ambience and melody (at least in the mid and high end of the sound spectrum) but the bass is droning quite sharp in an intense warbling kind of texture. The shifting noises in the background recall the Industrial soundscape of aforementioned album, sounding like distant traffic or machinery but the calm melodic drones do give a very nice sense of peace to the music, making it sound a bit brighter in general, though the intense hiss and warbled saturated sound of the track does hint again at degradation. An intriguing piece. Afterwards Sequences follows with the track Molten Magnetic Material, which does indeed sound quite like its title suggests. It's an eerie Dark Ambient piece full of Industrial metallic sound and fuzzy resonances that sounds like the distant ambiences of a huge steel oven melting the subtance and metallic scraping and ominous drones sounding like other machinery within the complex. The many varying elements within the piece create an excellent intriguing evolving soundscape that feels quite dark and gloomy but also very captivating, quality music here. And I will Not Tire You (Feat. Alethe) by Venetian Roses is partially a feedback driven Noise piece and in its second half fades into a calmer Drone ambience backed by the sounds of rain. Its curious juxtaposition of feedback and mellow calm meditative melodies works rather well over its relatively short length and the feedback / Noise elements do add a welcome contrast to the peace of the Drone melody that enriches the various layers of the piece with extra harmonics and sonic details, very nice. Then in Perfume by Burning Pyre we have a peaceful and calm, almost New Age like piece of music featuring simple but pleasant melodies on (what sounds like) a guitar and a sampled choir, backed by an organ. A classy shorter piece of music and the synth effect swirling around the sound space adds a sweet bit of extra sound design to it as well. First Recital by Autumn Pool follows then. It's a mostly guitar based droning Ambient piece that has some lovely layering work in the track with various guitar tones smoothly shifting, sometimes also subtly scattering over eachother creating rich and interestingly fluctuating resonances that form a very warm melodic haze of sound. Traces of piano are also audible in the mixture and the piece has a curious subtly warbling Drone in its intro and outro that's accompanied by soft shifting and crackling sounds that adds the cinematic feel of the beginning and ending of a dream to the piece, very nice. Next piece Replacing the Memories is a very lush Ambient piece by Anthéne, again featuring guitar within the mixture, combined with slow waves of subtle drones and hissy foam surrounding the mellow and calm tones. There's a sweet melody that's slowly stretched out over the length of the piece and the gradual evolution combined with the calming field recordings make this piece an excellent meditative journey of a listen. Next piece Badkamerlicht by Stijn Hüwels is more sparse in its sonic density, being focused around a repeating melody in which the various resonances constantly shift in different ways over time, creating a warm glowing drone. Interestingly besides the drone there also seems to be a crackly manipulated music recording playing along with the drone, hidden in the mix somewhat. It's a warm flowing piece and nicely subtle in its evolving texture which embodies the title Badkamerlicht quite well in its nocturnal sonics of peace and rest. Midwest by Theodore Cale Schafer is a gorgeous deep Drone track that is filled with rich details in its awesomely evolving and "moving" warm "cloud of waves", the music has got quite a lot of depth to it and sometimes feels distant, othertimes moves more to foreground. Love this piece, it feels very organic, very good music indeed. Then we have White Stains with the track Illusions of Safety which indeed does have quite some tension within its brooding deep saturated drone and eerie shifting and hollow sounds that accompany it. It's a sweet shorter piece that with its nice evolving ghostly ambience feels like a perfect start of late night soundtrack filled with mystery. Lovely composition and sound design in this piece. Vöttev by Vera Dvale is the final piece of The Warmest Hum and also the longest. It's a rather minimalist composition based around a muffled low droning sound and flanged mid frequency pulsations that are filtered as well. Quite an odd piece to end with but it's intriguing and like the previous piece does have quite a spooky sound to it. It feels very alien with its strong repetition of tones and pulses combined with the very artifacted, saturated and fuzzy sound of the track which makes it sound almost like coded radio transmissions being picked up or other types of coded or indicative sound signals. Its introspective alien sound does make a bit harder to get into perhaps, but with the constant subtly shifts in sonic texture it's definitely a great piece of out-there underground electronic music that ends this compilation quite wonderfully.

All in all The Warmest Hum is a very consistent and varied compilation of underground Ambient, Electro Acoustic, Drone and Noise music with all of 20 pieces connecting with eachother really well and through the use of the theme of "hiss" and degraded sound the compilation sounds truly like one whole. The various approaches the artists take on the compilation, from lush droning Ambient, to Electro Acoustic experimentation, to Noise bordering textures and obscure underground electronics make this compilation both a very enjoyable and captivating listening and also of course a great introduction to the music of all these artists featured. Combined with O.R nicely grainy cover Artwork this compilation is definitely recommended for listeners into the aforementioned genres and underground electronic music in general. A great compilation, go check this one out.

Digital compilation is available from the VAAGNER Bandcamp page here: https://vaagner.bandcamp.com/album/the-warmest-hum

[lindszeppelin]

Hiding Away - Keanu x Reader

Prompt: Keanu and Reader are spending the day indoors, hiding from the pouring rain. Cuteness ensues. Fluff and stuff (mild smut)

The rain was definitely not letting up today. But who am I to complain? I’ve been spending the day curled up in the arms of my amazing boyfriend. It’s not often it rains in California but when it does I relish in it. The mixture of rain tapping on glass and his heartbeat in my ear as I lay my head on his chest is the perfect white noise I need to lull me back into a deep sleep. We’re a pile of entangled limbs, sprawled out half naked on his bed just big enough for two. After all he does have his own studio apartment which is great, but it can have it’s drawbacks. But i’ve grown fond of his “den” as he likes to call it. The tv is close by so we can watch movies in bed, and the open kitchen is a mere few feet away for all our midnight snack cravings. 

I feel Keanu ruse from slumber beneath me, groaning as he stretches and squeezing me closer to his side. He slowly makes an attempt to open his eyes and when he does they’re all glazed over. He looks at me quizzically. 

“What?” He laughs, his eyes adjusting to the dim lighting of his apartment. We turned most of the lights off and let the overcast flood in the windows.

“You just look so cute when you’re waking up. Your eyes all glassy and your hair in your face” I reach up to gently brush the hair obstructing his handsome face. He takes my hand and presses his soft lips to my palm.

“I could say the same for you. You look so beautiful in nothing but my flannel shirt“. He brings up my leg crossed over his as close as he can, running his fingertips along my exposed thigh. I sigh contently at his touch.

“Well I may just walk around like this forever if you really think so”. I sit up slightly and fully swing my leg over his waist. I have the decency to at least button the flannel once at my stomach as to not be fully exposed. But that doesn’t stop Keanu from staring at my barely covered breasts that are hovering tantalizingly close from his mouth.

“Oh you tease”. He purrs. In an instant he’s leaving a hot trail of wet kisses along my neck and down to my collarbone. I hiss in delight as he makes his way just above my chest before pulling away. 

“Talk about being a tease” I huff. Laughing devilishly, he nips at my ear and with his hand, smacks my ass playfully. I jump in his arms at his sudden action. In not that long he has me melting in a puddle, quite literally. 

“Stop it or i’m gonna ruin your jeans any second”. Picking up my meaning, he looks down between us where a wet spot is starting to form to his denim clad thigh that i’ve been comfortably straddling.

He growls, his chocolate eyes piercing my gaze. “You think I care about that? If anything it’s the hottest thing.” A strong blush forms on my hot cheeks. Pressing a gentle hand to my searing face he muses, “Do I really have this kind of reaction over you?” 

I roll my eyes. “Of course you do”. I lazily detach myself from his grip and sit on the edge of the bed, fixing my shirt. “It’s like this every time I’m with you. If we keep this up we’ll be at it like rabbits for the rest of our lives”. I attempt to fluff my bed hair as the mattress sinks underneath me. Keanu plants a lingering kiss on my neck before rolling off the bed and reaches for a shirt in his dresser.

“That I won’t complain about. Not with you. Seems like the perfect life.” He says over his shoulder, slipping on a long sleeve black thermal. Looking at himself in the mirror he laughs at the aforementioned wet spot I had left on him. He wears those jeans all the time but he doesn’t seem to care that I probably ruined them. 

“I’ll wear it proudly” He gestures to his thigh and I bury my head in my hands laughing with him.

“So what should we do now?” I glance around the room looking for something fun we can do to entertain ourselves. He doesn’t have much besides a crate full of his favorite records with a record player, his tv with a box of VHS tapes he occasionally watches, and the few board games I bought him so we could play together. But to be honest i’m not fully in the mood for Scrabble or Monopoly.

“Are you hungry? I could make you something to eat. It’s probably around dinner time at this point”. He flips his hair back away from his face and I linger my gaze just a little longer to admire him. He appears to me doing the same. His doe eyes capturing my soul, looking at me adoringly. 

“How about...” He starts, taking giant strides towards me and pulling me into his warm body. The size of him compared to my short stature is apparent. 

“I’ll make us something to eat and you can pick out a movie for us to watch in bed.” He languidly wraps his strong arms around my waist. We start gently swaying in a silent dance. 

“Hmm dinner and a movie. How very romantic” I say, stepping up on my tip toes letting my parted lips graze his cheek. Cupping my face, he leans in and captures my mouth in a sweet kiss that makes my knees weak. Pulling away slightly he lingers his lips ever so closely to mine.

“What would you like me to make?”

“Surprise me. What movie do you wanna watch?” I coo.

“Surprise me”. He smiles brightly, placing a kiss on my forehead before swaggering his way into the kitchen. I sigh, fawning over him as I watch him leave our embrace. Turning my attention back to the matter at hand, I approach the box of tapes stored next to his tv. A slight film of dust peppers across them as I rummage through. Keanu has an interesting taste in films ranging from comedy to action to the oldies. He sure is very eclectic in many ways, which is one of the things I love about him. I reach in and my eyes spot a familiar cover. The Naked Gun. A classic film. I could look through the rest of the tapes but my mind has already been set. 

“You’re gonna love what I chose for us to watch!” I holler to Keanu who’s clanging around pots and pans. He pays no heed to my words as he concentrates hard on making dinner. Not wanting to bother him, I hop back on the bed and leave him be. What feels like eternity later, he walks through the living room, two plates in his hands. A huge grin plastered on his face.

“Viola! Here you are my fine lady, Dinner A La Keanu”. I rise up and start to laugh at what he managed to create.

“Aw, spaghetti?! How’d you know that this is my staple diet food? It smells and looks great, babe”. He hands me a plate and sits down on the bed next to me. 

“So what’d you pick out for us?” He goes to lean back against the headboard, eagerly waiting to see what I chose.

“Oh it’s a good one. it’s got it all. Romance. Drama. Action..” I pull the tape out of hiding to show him “...Leslie Nielsen”. We both start to laugh heartily.

“Oh my god I forgot I had this in there. It’s been a while since I’ve seen it. Wow good choice, honey. A true classic piece of film if you ask me” He takes the tape from me and kneels down in front of the tv. “Let’s hope it’s already rewound otherwise we’ll be here for years”.  It was, thank god. He popped it in the VCR and hopped back in bed, cuddling up close to me as we began what will be a very entertaining night.

[raisingsupergirl]

You Miss 100% of the Shots You Don't Take—A Deer Hunting Story

I feel like God's always trying to teach me things. I mean, I’m not always paying attention, but every time I do, there's something in my life that reflects some little nugget of wisdom. And this past weekend, I hit the mother load. Granted, I was paying attention since I was on vacation in the woods, but no amount of "real" world monotony could have possibly distracted me from it. But let me start at the beginning.

First off, I'm not a hunter. Yes, I go deer hunting every year, but only on the opening weekend of rifle season. For reference, I spend more time doing my taxes every year than I do hunting, but I'm definitely no accountant. Anyway, I go hunting because it's a vacation. This time of year is always crazy, and the prospect of going to deer camp without any electricity, running water, traffic, 'rona, or politics is the highlight of my fall. And that's saying something considering all of the drawbacks: the aforementioned lack of running water and plumbing, the waking up every few hours throughout the night to put wood in the stove, the waking up before dawn to march down to my tree stand, the bitter cold while sitting in said tree stand. Oh, and putting in all of that time, effort, and money year after year only to come home without even seeing a deer. That is, until last year when I killed my first doe out of a new tree stand. Which meant this year, I was pumped. There were actually deer in those woods! And I had a good chance of another successful hunt this year. So, with my energies renewed, my brother and I drove down to camp, we cleaned things up, I cooked some fat, juicy steaks, we spent a relaxing evening around the fire, and we turned in for the evening, visions of monster bucks dancing in our heads. I was pumped! Well, mostly. Unfortunately, there was a black cloud hanging over my head.

No, seriously. It was a rain cloud. The forecast threatened storms pretty much the whole next day. And cold plus rain equals a cranky Andrew. But when we woke up Saturday morning, guess what? It wasn't raining! The forecast still promised precipitation, but now it wasn't supposed to hit until late morning, which meant I didn't need to march out into the cold, wet hell with a raincoat and a prayer. No, I would suit up in my usual camo and keep my eyes extra sharp, and with any luck, I'd bag a deer before the first raindrops fell. That was the plan, anyway…

Okay, waking up before dawn might suck, but seeing that sun come up over the ridgeline is magical. And last Saturday morning was no exception. The forest was completely silent. No wind. No squirrels. A thin line of orange stretched across the horizon. It thickened, chasing back the dark. It painted the tops of the tallest trees. The first hints of shadows turned every limb into what looked like a trophy buck. My heart quickened. Even in the overcast sky, the sun burned with a promise—this would be a morning worth the effort. But it would have to be a quick one, because the rain was rolling in at ten.

I sat comfortably for an hour. Like I said, no wind, and the temperature was above frostbite levels. Life was good, and my eyes were indeed sharp. Around 8:30, I saw something white flicker off to my right. Yes, there, about eighty yards away, was a deer. A doe, if I had to guess, but there were so many trees in the way that I couldn't be sure. And I definitely didn't have a clear shot, so I waited. Ten minutes went by without much change. That thing must have found a mother load of acorns, because it wasn't moving. That is, until a few minutes later when another deer came trotting down the ridge from the right. Deer 1's head popped up, but they must have been buddies, because it greeted Deer 2 without so much as a grunt. The two of them occupied themselves with that same plot of ground for another ten minutes, and I STILL didn't have a shot.

This was getting ridiculous, and I was getting impatient. The sky wasn't getting any lighter, and the forecast wasn't getting any better. So I leeeaaaned forward, and I leeeaaaaned back, and still I couldn’t get a clear shot. Oh, did I mention that I hunt with an open-sights rifle? At that range, I could have taken either of those deer easily if I'd had a scope. But as it was, every time I tried to level my sights, all I could see was gray haze. My excitement was cooling by the second. And the frustrations of life started creeping back in. Nothing ever worked out like it was supposed to. 2020 couldn't get any worse. People were always fighting. They were always telling me what I should do, and no one ever listened. But not here. Not in the woods. Here, I made my own rules—my own destiny. And so, I aimed at my best approximation of Deer 2's heart and squeezed the trigger.

Deer 2 was gone. Deer 1 bolted down to the left. I kept my sights on it. I almost fired again. But what if Deer 2 was lying dead behind the trees? Too long. Too much hesitation. Deer 1 was gone now, too. I called my brother, who was in his stand about three quarters of a mile away. I told him I thought I'd downed Deer 2, and he told me to wait a while and go check. So, naturally, I immediately got down from my stand to claim my prize. And when I got there, no deer. No blood. Nothing but crushed hopes and impending rain. I returned to my stand for a bit, but I was done. I'd forced the shot, and I'd blown it. An hour later, I was back in the cabin, lying on my futon, listening to rain pattering on the tin roof, wondering where it had all went wrong.

But you know what? It was still a good day. I wasn't going back out in the rain, but the next day was supposed to be bright and sunny—zero chance of precipitation and pretty warm. So you know what I did the rest of the rainy day? I took a nap. Why? Because I could. No one to tell me otherwise, and no pressing tasks I should be working on. I ate snacks, too. And drank some beer. And listened to the rain outside and the crackling wood stove at my feet. By evening, I was feeling optimistic again. There were deer in those woods! And I had a good chance of a successful hunt tomorrow. Especially since I would have all day to wait for the perfect shot!

I slept like a baby that night. Well, I would have, had there not been monsoon winds and literal tornado warnings. The rain came in sideways. Literally. It came in the cabin through the upper window. It sounded like the walls were about to tear off and leave us for dead. And while I usually love storms, this one felt different. It felt like the storms in my real life. It felt like it was trying to tell me what to do, how to live. It threatened to determine my future and dampened my spirits once again. And when I did finally go to sleep around midnight, I dreamed anxious dreams. Dreams of hackers taking over all the electronics in America and rioters tearing down everything I loved.

But then, the strangest thing happened. When my alarm went off at 4:45, I felt great. Not groggy. Not anxious. Not cold. Optimistic warmth coursed through my veins once more. I was actually smiling. The storm had moved on, and outside, the stars were shining brighter than I'd seen them in years. And as I stood there looking up at them, I felt God's promise. He would bring me a deer this day. Maybe even my first buck.

When I got to my stand, the feeling continued. An owl hooted nearby. The sun rose again, brighter this time. The woods were practically glowing. I settled in and surveyed the landscape. I knew every tree, every limb, every hill, and every valley. If a deer came through, I'd see it. And I'd kill it. And a couple hours later, I saw movement.

It all happened so fast. The deer was trotting from left to right across the ridge. My gun was at my shoulder. I only had a few seconds, so I squeezed the trigger. But the deer kept running, faster now. I shot again. The deer changed direction. He was running down the hill now, straight for me, through the trees. After my third shot, he turned back to the left, but his run turned into a walk. And then I lost him behind some brush, and he never came back out. He HAD to be down. I called my brother again. "Is it the zombie apocalypse?" were his first words. I laughed. "Wait a half an hour," he said. Five minutes later, I saw movement. The deer was standing. Looking around. It was a buck. Then I lost sight of him again. I waited another ten minutes, but I couldn't wait any longer. God had promised me a deer, after all. So I climbed down and crept toward my kill. About twenty yards away, he jumped up and ran down the far side of the ridge. Crap. I'm an idiot. Why didn't I listen to my brother? I searched for blood. Nothing. Of course there was nothing. I was no hunter. I was no tracker. This deer was gone. But I followed him nonetheless, clinging desperately to a fool's hope.

Over the river and through the woods, but I had no idea where I was going. But it wasn't long before a suspicion tickled my thoughts--I was walking straight for my brother's stand. It was enough to keep me going (and yes, he’s a very responsible hunter and has zero track record of shooting people), and at the bottom of the hill, I heard the distinct sound of a deer's bleat. My brother assures me that's not the right word for it, but it's the only way I know how to describe it. After a few hundred more yards of walking, I heard a shot from the direction of my brother's stand. No way. I stopped and waited, afraid to get any closer to the kill zone despite wearing my "I'm not a deer!" orange. My pace quickened, and so did my pounding heart. Another shot. Then my brother called.

"Did you kill my deer?" were my first words. "He's laying right in front of me, looking right at me," he said. "I can't believe he's not dead. Want me to shoot him again?" After a few minutes, I finally said, "Yes." And he did. And it was over. The deer was dead at last. And it was a five-point buck.

We talked for a while, trying to figure out what the heck had happened, and then we inspected the kill. I'm not going to tell you how many times we shot it, but that thing was a fighter, that's for sure. And when I took it to the meat processing place, the guy literally shook his head. "Which one of you shot him in the butt?" he asked. He pointed out all of the holes, piecing the hunt together like a CSI analyst, then he promised me that he'd salvage as much meat as he could. That was fine.  I'd killed my first buck. Well, WE had killed my first buck. Do you know how weird that is? Do you realize the odds of that deer running directly from my stand to my brother's? Do you know how unlikely it was, considering the infinite amount of directions it could have gone out from that single point? Well, I don't either (math isn't my strong suit), but it's pretty danged unlikely, that's for sure. God had definitely delivered that deer despite my impatience. Despite my burning desire to make own luck.

It's impossible to unpack all of my thoughts and emotions as I replay the events of that hunt in my mind—the significance of the events of the whole weekend, really. But I'll try, and I'll leave the interpretations up to you. Like many of you, my life is a storm right now. I don't know what my future holds. I'm being pulled a thousand different directions. I'm trying so hard to make my own fate, but it seems impossible when everything's so uncertain. When each day brings a new, unexpected obstacle. But I'm not going to quit. I'm not going to let external circumstances bog me down or force me into a life I'll regret. And I keep thinking, "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."

Now, before you smart people say anything, I know that's not how math works (despite it not being my strong suit). I know there can't be a percentage at all if the value of N is zero. But the sentiment rings true. I forced the shot on Saturday, and I missed. I forced several shots on Sunday, and I missed at least one of them, and I didn't truly hit my mark with any of them. And yet… God answered my prayers. Despite all odds, he used my brother to deliver my first buck in the strangest way I can imagine. There's no other way I can describe it.

Life is crazy for everyone right now. We're all doing our best just to hang on. The storm is still raging, but the forecast is looking better. There are times when we force the shot, but it's better than the alternative. We can't just let our hopes and dreams walk away over the ridge. If we do, we may never get another chance, and we'll regret it forever. We'll go home empty handed with nothing but a story about the deer that got away. So I, for one, will continue pulling the trigger. Why? Because I serve a faithful God. I know he is watching over me. I know he shakes his head at me every day, wondering why I don't see his signs, why I don't wait for the clear shot that he's setting up for me. With time, maybe I'll see a little clearer. Maybe I'll line up my shot a little more carefully. But for now, I'm doing the best with what I have. And I'll trust God to provide for me despite all odds. And next deer season, I'm definitely bringing a rifle with a scope.

[twoinchreview]

1985 Albums

Friday 20th March 2020.

On the way home from work (for the last time in a while I think, thanks Covid-19) Radio 2 played The Whole of the Moon by The Waterboys. I loved and love that song from their album, This is the Sea. I knew the album was released in 1985. It’s a year I won’t forget in a hurry for lots of reasons; the main, unbearably sad one is losing my mum, but, also, for other reasons that were not at all sad. The aforementioned album being one, another being another album - Kate Bush’s Hounds of Love. (Another was Knebworth opening its gates to music for the first time in a few years….what a gig that was!) So, did I listen to any other albums that year? I seriously couldn’t tell you, for certain, the name of any other album released in that year….with aging memory it seems to me my turntable’s time was equally divided by Mike Scott and Kate - six months apiece. I decided to check it out. A quick search on Google and the first hit I clicked was this one from the NME that lists 50 albums.

I decided to listen to each in turn, from its count of 50 down to 1. I posted a one line review on each on FB. Here are those one-liners below, with supplementary comments as and when.

50.  ABC, How to be a Zillionaire. I didn't learn that actual trick but I did learn to love Martin Fry's delivery once again.

49.  Sade, Promise. Smoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooth.

48.  Sheila E – Romance 1600. One I missed posting about of FB, probably because it was that forgettable. I can’t remember one track from it and it was only a couple of weeks ago!

47.  Alex Chilton, Feudalist Tarts. Who knew? Seriously never heard of him before!

46.  George Clinton, Some of My Best Jokes Are Friends. Funky. Another new one on me.

45. The Replacements, Tim. Never heard or heard of them b4 today. Shan't bother again!

44.  Run DMC, King of Rock. Dunno why I like this album, just do. It's like that and that's the way it is.

43.  Cameo, Single Life. I've already forgotten about it.

42.  New Order, Low Life. The first album on NME's 1985 list that properly rocks all thru. 

It’s a proper ‘of its time’ album and yet timeless. This gets the bold review ‘cos I would definitely take time out to listen to this again. First one of the NME list!

41.  Robert Wyatt, Old Rottenhat. Out there. A defo doob album.

40.  The Style Council, Our Favourite Shop. I recall this album & it's better than it was.  Weller has a voice that sometimes sounds like it’s going to break at the sterner test but then he carries it off. It adds to the originality.

39.  Sonic Youth, Bad Moon Rising. Proper industrial punk. I like it.

38.  Dexys Midnight Runners, Don't Stand Me Down. Not one track had I heard before. Fab.

I really enjoyed this. I like the fact it’s a real deviation from what I remember Dexys for - all denim and oddly-antifashion fashionable. This album showed real confidence in their own ability, quite rightly.

37.  Husker Du, New Day Rising. 'Salright.

36.  Bobby Womack, So Many Rivers. “Let Me Kiss You Where It Hurts.” 😂😂😂 Yep - the only thing I wanted to post about this album, having listened to it (like so many others, for the first time) was the name of one track which still, as I type, makes be chuckle like a school boy. Sorry Bobby.

35.  The Fall, This Nation's Saving Grace. I never really got The Fall. This album doesn't help. This post on FB attracted some comment - Ralph White (fellow Posh and music fan) was, I sensed, a little perplexed at my opinion. But, I can’t lie, the band, and Mark E Smith, just didn’t, and still don’t, do it for me. I’m too old and long in the tooth to persist. Sorry Ralph.

34.  Propaganda, A secret Wish. If you had to guess the time of this album's release from its sound, it couldn't be anything other than slap bang middle of the 80s. I mean it is sooooo eighties. It’s the sort of record that will be used for educational purposes - in history lessons.

33. Scritti Politti, Cupid & Psyche 85. I feel I should be more impressed than I am.

32.  The Pogues, Rum, Sodomy and the Lash. What an album, what a fucking album.

I listened to this while out walking and it really took me by surprise just how much I enjoyed it. Of course, I’d heard a lot of the songs before but, as a collection, along with the tracks new to me, it really stands out.  

31.  The Cure, Head on the Door. The Cure does easy listening.

30.  The Cult, Love. What's there not to love? No sudden death, just love.

Contains one of my favourite all time tracks. Can you guess?

29.  Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, The Firstborn is Dead. Interesting. Definitely a band you have to be in the right mood before the needle hits the record.

28.  David Sylvian, Alchemy: An Index Of Possibilities. Music to have acupuncture to.

By that, I mean it was very, very, very Japanese-y.

27.  Suzanne Vega, Suzanne Vega. Singer song writing by numbers.

To be perfectly blunt, I found it boring.

26.  The Smiths, Meat is Murder. The Smiths are an enigma to me. Good music, good musicians but, that condescension. Morrissey, Geldof, Thunberg....peas in a high & mighty pod.

All that being said a few days ago now, I’m sure I’ll listen to this (and maybe other a records of theirs) again. I fucking hate that it was that good.

25.  Bryan Ferry, Boys and Girls. Slick as you like. Is he the coolest man in music? I think he is.

24.  10000 Maniacs, The Wishing Chair. I can take this or leave it. When I posted this on FB there were a couple of posters encouraging me to try In My Tribe - it’s on as I type and it’s a little better.

23.  Whitney Houston, Whitney Houston. I like this debut album. What a voice she had!

22.  A-Ha, Hunting High and Low. Not bad song writing in a second language.

Nice enough album...but this band will always just be ‘nice’ and, memorable for a video, not much else. 

21.  Grace Jones, Slave to the Rhythm. A mess of an album.

Worst one on the list so far even if it has got David Gilmour playing on it.

20.  Simple Minds, Once Upon a Time. I always felt, & feel, this band are wannabes to U2's crown. Nice enough album though.

19.  The Colourfield, Virgins and Philistines. A gem of an album. 

Terry Hall reminds me of Bowie. So talented, so prolific.

18.  Everything but the Girl, Love not Money. Pleasant enough but won't be on repeat. 

17. Loose Ends, So Where Are You? Hmmmm, not quite Color Me Badd. Very Delia Smith. The Delia Smith comment was because I found this album was an embarrassment much like Delia that fateful night at Carrow Road. If you don’t know to what I am referring, Google it.

16. Killing Joke, Night Time. Great album, cracking band.

15. Tears for Fears, Songs from the Big Chair. A big collection of comfortably accomplished songs. 

The first album on the list I had definitely played, in its entirety, before...just not in 1985. 

14. Dire Straits, Brothers in Arms. By no means their best. Tbf, you’d have to go some to best a debut or 3rd or 4th albums of the quality Dire Straits had under their belt. And, a side note, I think probably the best name for a band, ever. 

13. The Sisters of Mercy, First and Last and Always. A moody, gothic masterpiece. I reckon the growling vocals are the stuff of genius and nightmares.  12.  Prince, Around the World In A Day. Prince is brilliant, this album isn't. Like a few on this list, the decade’s half-way point didn’t see his finest hour.

11. Felt, Ignite the Seven Canons. I've never heard of this band before, nor heard a single track from this album, until now. I like them, I like it.

And I reached the Top Ten....I found myself really looking forward to the next 6-7 hours of the supposed mid-80s finest.... 

10. The Jesus and The Mary Chain, Psychocandy. Mentally sweet. 

It is a great album by a seminal band but I didn’t really get on the band wagon back then, and I don’t have the time nor the inclination to now. That’s gonna piss some people off, I’m sure! 9. Microdisney, The Clock Comes Down The Stairs. Never heard of them before, probably never listen to them again.

This album left me feeling nothing. It’s the most nondescript one of the list thus far and I doubt that will change.

8. REM, Fables of Reconstruction. This band were good before they got massive. 

Fucking brilliant. I had never listened to this album before and it’s such a precursor - we all know how massive they became and one or two of their later albums were residence, for a time, in my CD player. I reckon this one could become a real favourite of mine. Not just of REM stuff but in general.

7.  Lloyd Cole & The Commotions, Easy Pieces. Easy listening and first rate easy listening, at that. 

‘Brand New Friend’ is the stand out track.   

6.  Prefab Sprout, Steve McQueen. I don’t switch the radio off if this band are played, but I never play them. This album doesn’t alter that.

5. Madness, Mad not Mad. Who'd thought the stalwart rude boys would be so innovative? Another cracker from this list. It really stood out for me, they way the band changed things up a notch with this record. I can imagine some long-time fans would have baulked at this at the time of release but now, 35 years on, it smacks of progression. I’ve just asked Alexa to play it as I’m typing. 

4.  Talking Heads, Little Creatures. A wonderful, totally original band and album. This album reminded me that I do not spend enough time listening to Talking Heads. 

3. The Waterboys, This Is the Sea. Marvellous. This is an album I know and love. So, here it is, one of the aforementioned two. It’s is still one of my favourite albums, definitely, but, just a little bit, the metaphors grate - there’s enough of the fuckers on this album - the sea, the moon, the spirit. But I will always love this album and I will revisit many more times, I wager (and hope).

2. Tom Waits, Rain Dogs. Not really a musical masterpiece, more a lyrical one.

I found this a unusual choice for number 2. That’s subjectivity for you, I’d have picked many others before this one for the runner’s up slot.

1. Kate Bush, Hounds of Love. One of my favourite ever albums. The best of 1985, maybe of the 80s, very close to of all time. It’s number 1 for the NME and it most certainly is for me.

So, I listened to all of these NME listed albums in turn and it was, in the main, an enjoyable musical journey

And I reminded myself that, in 1985, I did indeed only put two albums, that first saw the light of day in that year, on my turntable (Kate Bush and The Waterboys). Any other releases didn't get a look in. 

[yavemiel]

tagged by @anidlebrain thank you dear!

tagging: @rapidashpatronus @soulfulspikethekiller @rachaelkelleher @kiranwearsscienceblues @ibohe @rain-sleet-snow @operaticspacetrash @ruby-red-inky-blue @justkeeponthegrass and anybody else who fancies it, though this is a long enough one so don’t feel obliged! :)

The answers are under the cut because this is a pretty long one!

book meme 1

1. Which book has been on your shelves the longest?

Hmmm...Harry Potter is a contender, Lord of the Rings is also up there. The Queen’s Thief series has definitely stood the test of time as well!

2. What is your current read, your last read and the book you’ll read next?

At the moment I’m reading a book called ‘The Power’ by Naomi Alderman, for my book club, which is on in less than a fortnight, so I should get cracking or I’ll end up doing the usual thing where I read it in a rush the night before! The last book I read was ‘Brilliance’ by Marcus Sakey, which was also for bookclub, and the next book on my (very long) to-read list will probably be ‘Rebel Rising’ the Jyn Erso backstory book, and also whatever next month’s pick is for book club.

3. Which book does everyone like and you hated?

Uh, I probably have a few contenders here...’The DaVinci Code’ by Dan Brown for sure. ‘Wuthering Heights’ which I just...I mean, all of the characters were so horrible, I just couldn’t get into it! Uhm...the Hunger Games sequels, I enjoyed the first one but the second one was only alright and the third one was unreadable. There are definitely more, but I’ll stop!

4. Which book do you keep telling yourself you’ll read, but you probably won’t?

I’m trying to think...probably some of the classics like ‘Moby Dick’, ‘Lolita’, ‘Anna Karenina’...we’ll see!

5. Which book are you saving for “retirement?”

This question implies that I have self-control when it comes to my reading habits, which I absolutely do not: I don’t save books, I devour them immediately.

6. Last page: read it first or wait till the end?

Definitely wait til the end (unlike some people *side eyes @soulfulspikethekiller*)

7. Acknowledgements: waste of ink and paper or interesting aside?

Hmm...I think in general interesting asides, plus it’s nice for the people who support the author to get their nod. And then of course you have the genius ones for the ‘Series of Unfortunate Events’ which are just SO GOOD

8. Which book character would you switch places with?

Ooh, interesting question, most characters have a more turbulent time than I would really wish on myself. I’d quite like to be a hobbit I think, or a witch in the Harry Potter sense, but no specific character that I can think of!

9. Do you have a book that reminds you of something specific in your life (a person, a place, a time)?

So many! I read so much Enid Blyton and Chalet School when I was a kid, so all those girl’s boarding schools books remind me of being maybe 8 and curled up at home somewhere. Harry Potter tends to remind me of the beach, because the books used always come out when we were on holidays and I’d inevitable end up reading them at the beach. Winne the Pooh reminds me of my grandparents because my aunt used to be obsessed when we went to visit.

10. Name a book you acquired in some interesting way.

Uhhh I can’t think of any right now? I generally just buy them myself or get given presents...oh there was the time when Order of the Phoenix came out and I wanted to go and queue at midnight, but my parents weren’t keen on taking me, and I was resigned to getting it later, but then when I woke up it was on my bedside table because they’d gone and gotten it for me as a surprise.

11. Have you ever given away a book for a special reason to a special person?

I’ve given many many books as presents (no greater gift!) but I don’t think I’ve ever given away one of my own books? Except to charity occasionally when we do a clear out, but that’s kind of different.

12. Which book has been with you to the most places?

Probably Lord of the Rings

13. Any “required reading” you hated in high school that wasn’t so bad ten years later?

No, the only book I read and and liked in secondary school was ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ (still an absolute classic), all of the others were either bland or downright terrible.

14. What is the strangest item you’ve ever found in a book?

Sadly I’ve never found anything of interest in a book.

15. Used or brand new?

Either, I’m not fussy.

16. Stephen King: Literary genius or opiate of the masses?

I don’t really have that strong an opinion either way? Never read any of his stuff, but I also don’t hate him.

17. Have you ever seen a movie you liked better than the book?

Possibly The Hunger Games? Wasn’t a massive fan of the books really, but the movies were watchable.

18. Conversely, which book should NEVER have been introduced to celluloid?

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone. Some of the subsequent movies were better (Prisoner of Azkaban is the standout IMO) but Philospher’s Stone is just WOEFUL. The Narnia films were pretty bad too from what I remember.

19. Have you ever read a book that’s made you hungry, cookbooks being excluded from this question?

The Hobbit I think, all those descriptions of Bilbo’s pantry!

20. Who is the person whose book advice you’ll always take?

My sister is a pretty good bet for book recs!

book meme 2

1) Do you have a certain place at home for reading?

Couch or bed usually

2) Bookmark or random piece of paper?

In general, bookmarks, I have a load thanks to the aforementioned sister who paints gorgeous ones.

3) Can you just stop reading or do you have to stop after a chapter/a certain amount of pages?

I generally finish a paragraph because otherwise I’ll be so confused when I get back, but I don’t have to finish a chapter or anything.

4) Do you eat or drink while reading?

Yes if I’ve read the book before, probably not if it’s a first time read, I get too focused.

5) Music or TV while reading?

Definitely not TV. Music if it’s low level and instrumental is fine, but anything intrusive throws off my groove!

6) Reading at home or everywhere?

Everywhere!

7) Reading out loud or silently in your head?

Silently in my head

8) Do you read ahead or even skip pages?

While I don’t really do either, if I’m started to get bored with a story, I will start speed-reading so fast that I’m just getting a general impression from each page rather than specifics.

9) Breaking the spine or keeping it like new?

While I would like to say ‘keep it like new’ my books inevitably end up looking as well-used and loved as they are. Which is to say, if one of my books looks new, I probably haven’t read it yet, or don’t like it much.

10) Do you write in your books?

Nope, never been a note-maker!

[ladofletters]

2, 18, & 37

2. FAVORITE LYRICS

Here are just a few that come to mind. I generally love songs that tell stories or inspire imagery. I think I’ve listened to this first song maybe a thousand times, mostly based on its connection to Midnight Cowboy.

“Everybody’s Talkin’“ by Harry Nilsson

Everybody’s talking at meI don’t hear a word they’re sayingOnly the echoes of my mindPeople stopping, staringI can’t see their facesOnly the shadows of their eyesI’m going where the sun keeps shiningThrough the pouring rainGoing where the weather suits my clothes

“A Famous Myth” by The Groop

I’m gonna exchange my things for precious wings and fly,Over the valley of the kings and the queens where the sleeping cities lie.

Then I’m gonna exchange my precious wings for things and die….Over the valley of the kings and the queens where the sleeping cities lie.

“Kathy’s Song” by Simon and Garfunkel

My mind’s distracted and diffusedMy thoughts are many miles awayThey lie with you when you’re asleepAnd kiss you when you start your day.And a song I was writing is left undoneI don’t know why I spend my timeWriting songs I can’t believeWith words that tear and strain to rhyme.

“Folsom Prison Blues” by Johnny Cash

When I was just a baby my mama told me. Son,Always be a good boy, don’t ever play with guns.But I shot a man in Reno just to watch him dieWhen I hear that whistle blowing, I hang my head and cry.

“Starman” by David Bowie

There’s a starman waiting in the skyHe’d like to come and meet usBut he thinks he’d blow our minds

18. YOU’RE FORCED TO LISTEN TO ONE ALBUM FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, WHICH ONE IS IT

One of them is definitely Audioslave’s self-titled album. Compilations probably don’t count but the Beastie Boys’ Solid Gold Hits, Takeshi Terauchi’s Tsugaru Jongara, Brightly Painted One by Tiny Ruins, SALES LP, Portamento by The Drums, Simon and Garfunkel’s Bookends, 69 Love Songs by The Magnetic Fields, The Flaming Lips’ Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots … the Jet Set Radio OST?

This reminds me of Marc Maron’s latest stand-up special, Too Real, in which he talks about not having any more room in his heart for new music, but has a few albums filling that space. I sometimes feel that reluctance to branch out.

37. A SONG THAT HAS A LOT OF MEANING TO YOU

The aforementioned “Everybody’s Talkin’” featured in Midnight Cowboy. I fell in love with that movie because of its characters, and that song perfectly represents the lead’s mindset of leaving his everyday life for what he believes to be a better one.

“No Sleep ‘Till Brooklyn” by the Beastie Boys probably, from my early high school days. I remember hearing that for the first time on the radio while I was in bed, supposed to be asleep for school the next day. The perfect anthem for my “rebellion.”

The main theme of Twin Peaks by Angelo Badalamenti for sure. It’s rare that a song can lock me in every single time within seconds.

There are tons of other tracks from games and movies that I could mention, but they mean a lot to me because of what they’re associated with.

Thank you for sending these – I hope you dig some of my selections!

[sfaioffical]

Shauna Rosenblum was born and raised in Alameda, CA, which is a small island off the coast of Oakland.

She finished her BFA degree in Ceramics from CCAC in 2006. In 2008 she earned her MFA from SFAI in Sculpture.  Now, she is a professional Winemaker, making 12,000 cases of wine annually in the Bay Area at Rock Wall Wine Company, located in Alameda, CA.  She considers grapes to be her artistic medium and her wine is her art. Shauna was recently named one of the 10 Top Female Winemakers in California by Haute Living, so we decided to catch up with her and see what she’s up to. Here’s what Shauna had to say!

Hi I’m Shauna, (MFA Sculpture, 2008).

Conceptual art, performance art, ephemeral art, fermentation art, whatever you want to call it, making wine is an art. Making wine is the perfect synthesis of science and art.

Every move I make with the grapes requires a decision. That process of decision making is one of the most powerful parts of this art form. Just like working with clay, I can shape it this way, or I can shape it that way.  My underlying philosophy in ceramics has always been that the “clay is going to be whatever it is meant to be. I am the catalyst to help manifest what it should be.” I apply that same philosophy to winemaking and really let the chemistry and the flavors of the fruit guide my decisions to make the best wine possible. And��Who doesn’t love a lil’ scientific data to inform ones art-making processes?!

My Master’s thesis at SFAI explored the concept of women bodies as containers. I made functional ceramic vessels that incorporated women bodies. One piece was titled, “You’re too fat, you’re too thin, cookie jar.”  It was a very curvy woman’s body that had her mouth being sewn shut. The opening for the cookie jar was tiny, so one could only grab a cookie if their hands were very thin/small. I also created a two-foot tall functional vase that showed a woman turning from a mermaid to a woman as her tail disappeared, she gained the rest of her female body parts. Her facial expression showed jubilation, but she also donned a fully grown Pinocchio nose indicating that the metamorphosis she was supposed to be thrilled about undergoing was not her true feelings.

I brought the concept of the female as a container into my wine cellar, and  I’ve named all of my tanks after women I admire: Oprah, Martha, Lena Dunham, Mindy Kaling and, of course, Beyoncé. I also have a row of tanks bearing the names of my fave fictional heroines; Arya and Sansa, Katniss and Primrose and of course, Gem. I know, “it’s truly, truly, truly outrageous.”

SFAI: What projects have you been working on recently? Is there anything you’re particularly excited about or inspired by at the moment?

Shauna Rosenblum: YES. My art has become far more about observing the world around me and engaging with that observation. This concept really informs the wines I decide to make, and the label copy I create for the back label of each one of my wines.  My earlier art was far more about making objects, which came from my craft based undergraduate training.

I love making sparkling wine. Sparkling wine is Champagne, but we call it sparkling wine because it is made outside of Champagne, France. Only sparkling wine made in Champagne France can be called Champagne.  I pick these grapes much earlier than the rest of my grapes, to keep the bright acidity intact. The acid in wine is what makes your mouth water when you taste it.

I have also started doing a deep dive into mastering Italian varietals such as Nebbiolo, Sangiovese, Montepulciano, Fiano, and Teroldego. I study the varietals, the vineyards, the soil, the weather, the growing cycle and the outcome of the fruit as I make it into wine.

Studying the vineyard sites at this level inspired me to write a paper about climate change and the effect on agriculture and the economy.  I decided to focus on three different micro-climates: Castro Valley, (in the Bay Area) Lodi and Oakville (a small section of Napa that grows world-class Cabernet Sauvignon) and explore the temperatures and degree days each micro-climate experienced in 1990, 2000, and 2017.  What I found is that the climate is definitely shifting. Shocker! Somebody alert the President.

The findings were slightly different than I anticipated, though. Thirty years ago, experts would have said that someone was nuts to grow grapes in the Bay Area, because our climate was too cold. 

The ideal climate for Cabernet is hot days and then a diurnal swing to very cool temperatures at night. That creates the best flavors and acidity in wine.

In 2017, Oakville experienced temperatures similar to Lodi in 1990, as in hot days, and nights that didn’t cool off as much. In 2017, Lodi experienced weather patterns similar to Oakville in 1990, which was hot days and very cool nights.

The largest diurnal swing occurred in Castro Valley. In 1990, the weather did not get hot enough during the day for enough days in a row, to grow quality Cabernet Sauvignon. In 2017, Castro Valley had the most ideal climate of the three areas, bearing the most hot days that dropped to very cold nights. I plan to reexamine these criteria for a 2020 data set as well.

One thing I always loved about making ceramic sculptures was at the end, I had created an object. Something to hold, something tangible. When I create a wine, I feel the same sense of enthusiasm which is activated and furthered when I pour the wine for someone and they love it.

SFAI: Where do you find inspiration for your work?

SR: I find inspiration in everything around me.  My 4-year old daughter and her observations about the world are definitely a source of inspiration for me. The way she sees the world is so refreshing. We will see an ant crawling on the ground and follow it for as long as we can, observing its movement and trajectory. Nature is a big source of inspiration for me as well. The way the sunlight spills through windows in the ethereal way it does. The way that cloud formations interact in fluidity.

I love being inspired by the mundane. The way my hair collects on the shower wall and reminds me of cubism. The art of fermentation is absolutely fascinating for me.

Being alive is an art. The way the living mourn the dead is an art. We are art. Art is everywhere and art is everything.

SFAI: What is your process for creating your work?

SR: When I am creating a wine, it all starts in the vineyard. I will usually pick the fruit in September, but the process for making that wine starts in March. In March the vines start to come out of dormancy from the winter months. The vines flower and bloom and we start obsessively monitoring the weather for wind and rain which can disrupt the grape vines process by knocking flowers off the vine. We monitor the growth of the grapevine all season long and by July I need to be in all 40+ of the vineyards I work with measuring sugar content.  Once I taste the fruit, and run labs on it checking for pH, total acidity and Nitrogen content, I decide when to pick the fruit, if it is physiologically ripe. We pick the fruit at midnight and bring it to the winery in Alameda.

When I add yeast to the grapes or juice, that is the beginning of the transformation. The yeast is alive, and its only desire in life is to eat sugar. The yeast will eat the sugar in the grapes and produce alcohol and CO2. I punch the grapes down multiple times per day. The grapes will change within a single day. At 8 am, they are in a different phase of fermentation than at 8pm. 

A complete alcoholic fermentation takes about 14 days. 

Depending on the wine, I either put the grapes through the crusher, or I foot stomp them.  On a Pinot noir, if I want to make sure the finished wine has spice notes, I will footstep the grapes with the stems still in the bins and begin the fermentation. I taste the fermentation every day and once I have the mouthfeel and flavor profile I want, I will press the wine off of the skins and the stems. Too much stem contact can create a vegetal flavor. Just the right amount of stem intact can create a lovely spice component that can only come from the aforementioned process. 

If I am making a Chardonnay, I will put the grapes directly into the press and press the juice out of them. Then I rack the juice down to French and American oak barrels and I inoculate (add yeast) to each single barrel. I put those barrels in a cold space and ferment them “low and slow” at 48 degrees Fahrenheit. Keeping the temperature low, slows down the yeast and on a white wine fermentation that pace keeps the fruit qualities and the acid intact. If I fermented them at room temperature, the yeast would get too excited and eat through the sugar like it was is last meal. The result would be a Chardonnay that lacks fruit depth and intricate flavors. It is all art. 

SFAI: Are there any opportunities to come and see your space? 

SR: I would love for you to come to the winery and come check out the space, the wine and our stunning view of SF.

On June 29th, we are having an event called Urban Sip. We will be pouring 30+ wines from our portfolio paired with some of our fave Bay Area restaurants. Click the link to see deets: http://www.rockwallwines.com/events

Our Tasting Room is open 7 days a week and so is our restaurant partner Scolari’s. Click the link to check out the website: http://www.rockwallwines.com/Tasting

[lillysleepilystudying]

92 Questions Tag

tagged by: @court-ships (now @bujo-ie )

LAST: 1. drink: probs water (tbh i dont like water much but you gotta sTaY hyDrATed) 2. phone call: i ran out of credit ages ago and haven’t bothered to recharge it so i haven’t called anybody recently, but mum has called me, so i guess that counts. (actually thinking about it i can’t remember the last time i called someone) 3. text message: to my best bud (cause i was wallowing in the depths of despair for like 3 weeks cause i felt like she was ignoring me so i finally got the courage to text her about it last night :) i think we’re going to be good) 4. song you listened to: K I’M LISTENING TO TEAM BY LORDE RIGHT NOW AND I LOVE IT FOREVER AND ALWAYS  5. time you cried: tbh like last weekend (see point number 3)

HAVE YOU: 6. dated someone twice: nope 7. kissed someone and regretted it: never kissed anybod 8. been cheated on: nup, thankfully 9. lost someone special: i have lost relatives but i never really knew them? i have lost quite a few pets tho :/ 10. been depressed: not ‘officialy’ but past couple weeks have been bad (once again, see point 3) 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: never been drunk, only ever had small sips of alcohol (i’m way to young)

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: ohh so hard i don’t really have a fav, but i guess all blues (with and emphasis on teal) and like nearly all pastel colours.

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. made new friends: yeah, but not like super close 16. fallen out of love: nah 17. laughed until you cried: maybe, but not very much 18. found out someone was talking about you: i don’t know? like this one isn’t very clear 19. met someone who changed you: sort of, i became closer to best bud, who i guess has changed me a bit 20. found out who your friends are: yes, but like also no? one of my few good friends left (for england of all places, but she is coming back), another’s moving schools, and once again see point 3 for other friend 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: no lol i don’t even have facebook

GENERAL: 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: see point 21 23. do you have any pets: YESS SO MANY a dog, two cats, like 8 horses (only one’s mine tho), 3 ducks (one i’ve had since i was like 4), around ten chickens... yeah i kind of live on a farm without all the big herds (also a lot lot smaller than a farm lol). fun fact: we used to have like 7 peacocks, they’re actually the coolest birds to have around. 24. do you want to change your name: no way, i actually quite like mine :) 25. what did you do for your last birthday: pool partay! tbh i went way overboard with the decorations, i spent hours making little paper flowers for everyone (they looked pretty cool, actually) 26. what time did you wake up: probs like 6;30, but stayed half asleep until 8:20 (shhh it’s a sunday i can do what ever i want 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: sleepinggg (sadly without my radio on bc mum wanted me to ‘try sleeping without music’ mum how i can i i need it ON 28. name something you can’t wait for: DOCTOR WHO CHRISTMAS SPECIAL #BILLISBACK GET PUMPED!! also PINOF 9 and halloween baking videos from dan and phil, also, any album coming out from any of my favourite artists for the next like 104585 years. ALSO I’M GOING TO MONGOLIA IN LIKE 2 WEEKS HOW DID I FORGET THAT 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: like half an hour ago we were running about in the rain putting the horses back in their yards 30. what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: world peace, there are too many people (and animals) that are a victim of unhappiness they will never deserve

31. what are you listening to right now: A WORLD ALONE AKA THAT LORDE SONG THAT I RELATE TO ON AN OTHERWORLDLY LEVEL 32. have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yeah, there’s one in my grade and he speaks fluent french (at least he did last time i checked which was like 2 years ago) 33. something that is getting on your nerves: tbh like all homework ever, plus this giant self-directed project we’re doing this year, it’s the most stressful thing ever. also, once again see point 3 34. most visited websites: umm i guess youtube, school’s home page, tumblr (although i’m mainly on mobile for that and that’s an app) reddit and ao3 (one my phone)

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME 35. mole/s: nah not really 36. mark/s: nah, but i got beeg stretch marks on the sides of my hips bc i am gROWING FAST 37. childhood dream: i think a vet or zookepper. also i really wanted to publish a book that said ‘new york times bestseller’ on the front bc that’s what all my favs said on them (tbh i still dream of this) 38. hair color: blonde ayyy (but it’s getting darker underneath) 39. long or short hair: i guess medium - long (little below my shoulder blades) 40. do you have a crush on someone: not really i haven’t had one in literal years unless you count that time i sorta thought i had one one on my best friend even though im 98% sure i’m straight 41. what do you like about yourself: my creativity, like i’ve learnt not to say ‘oh i’m horrible at art/writing’ when i’m actually not that bad. also, i’m a total weirdo 42. piercings: confession: i don’t even have my ears pierced yet?? like, i do want them pierced, but i literally can’t be bothered atm lol 43. blood type: idk, although i did get a blood test like last monday, so i should know soon 44. nickname: i don’t really have any (there’s not much you can do with ‘lilly’) although i have one friend who calls me lilpil. 45. relationship status: single and probably staying that way for a while :) 46. zodiac: capricorn (but i don’t bother with zodiacs bc i am NOTHING like a capricorn) 47. pronouns: she/her

48. favorite TV Show: OMG I HAVE SO MANY BUT I’M A FRIGGIN HUGE DOCTOR WHO AND SHERLOCK FAN COME SCREAM ABOUT THEM TO ME also if you ship johnlock that’s even better!! 49. tattoos: none 50. right or left hand: right handed 51. surgery: nope 52. hair dyed in different color: never done, probably never going to (i change my mind ALOT) 53. sport: tbh i hate sport but i do horse riding and with school i do sailing and hockey (bc a summer and winter sport is compulsory)  55. vacation: OK LIKE I SAID I’M GOING TO MONGOLIA AND I CAN’T GIVE AWAY TOO MUCH BUT I DID HAVE TO APPLY TO GET IN AND I’M RAZZED 56. pair of trainers: i’m not to particular, i just have shoes for sport (alTHOUGH, i do have an awesome pair of white sneakers with a bit of gold round the back)

MORE GENERAL:

57. eating: it’s father’s day and we had a GIANT breakfast and lunch so i don’t know if i’m even having dinner 58. drinking: i could KILL for a milo right now (it’s like, my version of tea or coffee) but parents have stopped buying it because ‘there’s too much sugar’ TIM I DON’T CARE I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT IT 59. i’m about to: idk i need to practice guitar, work on my bujo (bc i’m super behind), keep writing my fic, and i guess other general stuff 61. waiting for: nothing really, it’s sunday night so i’m sad bc it’s monday tomorrow 62. want: lots of things (who don’t amirite) but one is getting my bedroom walls gyprocked and painted (they’re wood panelling and i hate it) 63. get married: tbh whenever i meet the right person :) 64. career: FILM DIRECTOR YO i know nothing about film but i still really want to do it.

WHICH IS BETTER 65. hugs or kisses: OMG HUGS HUG ME PLEASE 66. lips or eyes: eyes, literally everybody’s eyes are beautiful, it’s great 67. shorter or taller: taller 68. older or younger: older i guess 70. nice arms or nice stomach: nice personality ;) 71. sensitive or loud: sensitive, like me tbh i’m so sensitive raise your voice at me and i will burst into tears  72. hook up or relationship: relationship always 73. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant, also like me

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. kissed a stranger: definitely no 75. drank hard liquor: nopeity no 76. lost glasses/contact lenses: don’t have ‘em 77. turned someone down: technically yes? there was this new kid at school and he was literally asking every girl out, i was a bit confused. 78. sex on the first date: definitely no  79. broken someone’s heart: sadly i think so (but we’re like best friends no so it’s all good) 80. had your heart broken: no 81. been arrested: no 82. cried when someone died: yes, aforementioned relative i barley knew (still sad tho)  83. fallen for a friend: sortofnotreally

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. yourself: yes, at least i try my very hardest 85. miracles: in a way, yes 

86. love at first sight: not really

87. santa claus: when i as like 3, yes 

88. kiss on the first date: maybe?

OTHER: 90. current best friend name: ezri, my smol bean (also person from infamous point 3) fun fact: we’re both pretty sure she’s named after her character from star trek, ezri dax (her parents are giant nerds just like ez and i) 91. eye color: blue/gey with a bit of green 92. favorite movie: ARGHHH I CAN’T PICK I HAVE SOOO MANY, LIKE EVERY ONE BASED OFF BOOKS I LIKE, i really can’t pick, but one that is quite special to me is ‘my house in umbria’, my grandma and i used to watch this together all the time

Ok whoa this took me LITERAL HOURS but now that i’m done i just want to tag anyone who wants to do it! :)

[nothingbutthefix]

Teaser

Authors Note: I’m testing the waters on my hand at fan fiction. This is only a little of what I have written. If I see there is an interest, I’ll post more. Otherwise, I probably will keep it for personal stock. Feel free to let me know of any errors I might have over looked.

Warnings: This piece contains strong language as well as reference to adultery, implied drug use and male/male preference.

Tags: Erwin, Eren, Levi, AoTAU

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of AoT. This is a work of fantasy and in no way mirrors the thoughts or beliefs of AoT. Reader discretion is advised.

Eren stared up at the daunting, slate grey building from under his umbrella while rain drizzled down from the sky. His lips puckered like he had just sucked a lemon. He was aware that this was just a formality to appease his new employer but it still made his stomach feel like rot. No matter how little he had in the way of sexual history, testing for STI’s was no joking matter.

Eventually, he got his feet to move up to and through the sliding glass doors. Immediately his nose was assaulted by the scent of antiseptic and he had to squint as the too-bright over head lights that bounced off the sterile white walls. The receptionist hadn’t looked up from her computer as Eren approached. Her nameplate said Annie.

“Hi, I’m-,” he started but her ice blue eyes looking up silenced him. They were narrowed and Eren felt a little naked under their gaze.

“Eren Jaeger? Yes, you’re the only one who would schedule an appointment last minute on a Friday afternoon, you’re lucky the attending Physician is a workaholic, otherwise the clinic would have been closed two hours ago leaving some of us a little bit more of a weekend,” she spoke quickly and with a cold undertone.

“I’m sorry?” Eren ventured, taken aback by her chilled nature but she merely shrugged and handed him a clipboard by her computer.

“Fill that out completely, if you have any questions feel free to ask,” she replied but her face told him that he should keep his mouth shut.

He quickly took care of the paperwork and before he knew it an exuberant looking brunette bounced into the reception area.

“Eren?” She requested, glancing around at the emptied waiting room, eyes zeroing in on the only other occupant beside the pissy receptionist.

Eren swallowed and stood. His knees almost gave out, the weight of his nerves finally catching up to him.

“Hi Eren,” the brunette started cheerfully, standing to the side so they could walk down the hall together, “I’m nurse Hange and I’ll be doing the preliminary exam before Dr. Smith sees you.”

“O-ok, um, will I have to…uh,” he made a vague gesture at himself and Hange laughed at his coyness.

“For a boy requesting the works I’m surprised you’re so shy,” she teased and Eren couldn’t find any way to respond other than to shrug helplessly.

Suddenly the nurse became serious as she showed him into the exam room. There were posters reminding patients to wash their hands and diagrams of the male reproductive system as well as a small replica of what the female uterus looked like. Eren cocked an eyebrow at it as Hange instructed him to sit on the crate paper covered bench.

“Ok, so let’s get your vitals and see what we are working with,” she muttered as she burrowed through a cabinet hanging above a small sanitary station, “Woah, woah, woah! What are you doing?” she exclaimed as Eren stood and began removing his jeans.

“I thought you wanted to see what you were working with,” Eren started, his face turning red as he really thought through what she had said, “ Oh god, I’m sorry.”

Quickly he redid his fly, sitting down hard and burying his flushed face in his hands. It was deadly silent after that before Hange burst out in laughter.

“Sorry about that,” she said wiping her eyes, “I definitely was a little vague just then.”

“I-…it’s ok,” Eren finally managed, forcing out a chuckle. The situation was rather comical and he was sure he’d laugh more genuinely…someday.

“Well anyways, stick out your arm and open your mouth,” Hange smiled.

 Hange left with a cheery, “Dr. Smith will be right in!” after having gone through the ringer with him, to include him having to pee into a cup.

He stared at his ring finger where a hello kitty bandage was placed. The prick on his finger was for an HIV test. The testing was far better than when he was younger and just starting out. But it had been five years since he was 15, visiting a local planned parenthood.

His quiet contemplation about how much had changed was interrupted by a soft rap on the door. Starting slightly he looked up as the doctor entered the room. Eren had to swallow hard to keep his mouth from dropping open.

The doctor was mid-thirties, dirty blonde and had a jaw line that could cut steel. His eyes were the most striking ocean blue behind a pair of sleek glasses. Eren could drown in eyes like that. They crinkled a little around the corners as the doctor smiled kindly at him.

“Hello, my name is Dr. Smith,” he started, holding out a slightly calloused hand. Eren regarded it with confusion before his senses came back to him and the voice in his head screamed, “What are you doing idiot?! Shake it!”

“Oh-uh, I’m Eren Jager,” the young brunette managed to sputter as he gripped the doctors hand. His flesh was softer than it looked and warm like spring sunshine.

Good god, did he just compare the doctor’s body temperature to a season? He had to snap out of it. Sure the guy was extremely attractive and his voice was like honey but if Eren followed those thoughts any further another awkward situation might ‘pop’ up.

“So, nurse Hange says you want to update your sexual history, as it were,” he smiled again, trying to put Eren at ease as he took a seat on the rolling stool Hange had previously occupied. Eren nodded gazing at the doctor and really taking a look at him.

Though he was smiling, his eyes were pained, his rather prominent eyebrows slightly furrowed. Oh no, was something on his chart bad?

“Yes,” Eren said firmly even though his hands began to shake. He gripped his thighs tightly to stop, hoping Dr. Smith had yet to notice.

“Okay,” Dr. Smith nodded as he looked back to the chart, his face becoming blank as he examined it. Eren felt bile rise to the back of his throat, he couldn’t do this and he didn’t want to know.

He was about to bolt from the door when the doctor sighed quietly and smiled up at him.

“Well, the HIV test came back negative and as for the urine test, the results should be back by Monday, however, seeing that you’re asymptomatic and that you haven’t had much in the way of sexual partners, you should have nothing to worry about,” Dr. Smith stated as he stood, walking over to the sanitary station to rummage through the drawers much like Hange had done before him.

Eren felt himself sag in relief.

“However, unless you are in a serious relationship where both you and your partner have been tested, I would recommend always using a condom and dental dam,” Smith continued as he pulled out a few packages of the aforementioned items and handed them to Eren.

Eren felt himself start to get a little heated as he nodded and took what the doctor was offering, his fingers brushing Smith’s wrist as he did. The young man felt a small jolt of electricity that seemed to go straight to his dick as his eyes met the doctor’s.

Dr. Smith held his gaze for a few seconds before clearing his throat, his pale cheeks turning a soft pink. Eren stammered his thanks as he hastily stuffed the condoms in his jean pockets.

“So, unless you have any other questions for me, you’re free to go,” the older man murmured, seeming a little shaken himself as he handed Eren his test results. Eren made no comment and opted to shake his head. He was afraid of what would come out now if he opened his mouth. Besides, he had to get his results back to his boss.

 Levi made a grunt of disapproval as he looked at his watch. His model was 20 minutes late. Figures, we should have never looked at strip clubs, always stick to the burlesque that Pixis owned, always. At least the old man had common business sense as well as an eye for aspiring talent, male or female. Just like Levi, or so the raven haired photographer had thought.

He had been banking on this girl to show, it was a part of his Midnight collection which was set to premiere in less than a month and his inspiration had run dry. The girl in question had a nice gothic vibe to her which he was hoping would cultivate some creativity. Her pale skin and gaunt eyes must’ve been from something other than lack of sun light however…

“Tch,” Levi made another noise as he turned and went into a nearby coffee shop. At least a tea for the road might not have made this a complete waste of a Friday afternoon.

Patiently, he stood in line, his camera slung over his waist. He got a few glances and frowns of annoyance. People must have thought he was one of those hipster bloggers that ordered the most complicated drink just to snap a few pics then toss the concoction in the trash after a sip or two. He didn’t care too much however as he approached the counter as a young man was finishing up.

Levi was set to brush past this stranger until he turned to scan for a place to sit and they locked eyes. Granted, the young man was taller than Levi but that wasn’t saying much as most people, even teenagers, were taller than him. However, his piercing green eyes gave Levi pause from moving on. Then there was the rest of his face.

“E-excuse me,” the young man’s voice was slightly lower than Levi was expecting but they had that in common. His cheeks colored red when Levi did nothing but cock an eyebrow and offer one of his seductive smiles. Even if the young man wasn’t gay (but Levi was absolutely sure he was) he was definitely affected by the alpha male vibe the photographer gave out, he could see it in the widening of the young man’s pupils.

“You’re excused,” Levi finally said, his voice barely above a low murmur but the young man stiffened as his body almost gave way to an involuntary shudder.

Levi tried not to chuckle as the brunette retreated to the pick-up side of the counter, allowing Levi to order from the young woman who had been waiting during the entire exchange. Levi asked for whatever tea they had that was strongest while he watched the young man’s backside as he fled. He had a nice ass, Levi would give him that,

           “Eren?” the barista asked loudly causing the young man to wince as he indicated he was standing not three feet away. Levi did chuckle then, getting Eren’s attention. The brunette stuck his lip out in a slight pout before taking his coffee and heading out the door.

           Levi cleared his throat and looked down, slightly ashamed of himself, which he rarely felt. He hadn’t meant to embarrass the kid.

           “Levi?” the barista practically barked and Levi baulked slightly. Jeez, this guy vastly overestimated the noise level in there.

             Erwin scrubbed his face with a sigh before checking the time. 6:30pm. He knew he should head home, Annie and Hange went home hours ago but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. That entire apartment reminded him of how empty his life now was.

           Sure, he was the one who kicked Rob out after catching him fucking their maid but every time he thought about it he wondered what he had done to drive his ex to that. Did he work too much? Did he not treat Rob well enough when he was home? His thoughts were starting to turn toxic when his cell phone vibrated harshly against the desk.

           “Hey Levi,” he answered without looking at the caller ID. Only one person ever bothered to call him instead of text.

           “You sound like you’re about to kick a chair out from under you and end it all, you know that?”

           “Someone must’ve gotten laid, you’re much more brash than normal,” Erwin bantered back as he leaned back in his chair, his spine cracking softly, He winced and made a mental note to keep better posture when he was slaving away over patient charts.

           “Nah, I actually got stood up and need to find a new model as soon as possible,” Levi replied, sounded disinterested but Erwin could hear the under tone of annoyance.

           “Stripper end up not being your golden goose?” the doctor questioned, logging out and shutting down his computer.

           “Big shocker, right? I’m going to go back to The Steel Rose tonight, Pixis always employs the cream of the crop,” the photographer replied and Erwin could hear the jingle of keys in the background.

           “I take it I’m coming with,” there was no question there, really. The only time Levi drove was when he had someone to drive him back when he had one too many.

           “You got anything better to do?” the raven haired man asked before unceremoniously hanging up.

           Erwin sighed as he pocketed his phone. With one last glance around his office he hung up his lab coat, rolled up his sleeves and ventured out, making sure everything as locked up tight. Levi was correct, he had nothing better to do except wallow in misery. At least now, he’d have company.