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#might be weird to say but I feel so small so wrong so- I feel so fucking lonely but every time I try being friends it's not going well
g0thsoojin · 2 months
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📓🖊♣️
#i think i'll try to do this bc ...honestly i cant vent freely anymore#for many reasons#i just am too emotionally weak and vulnerable to deal with a small handful albeit ppl who are mean to me#im too sensitive and fragile for it i cant do it#so even if i've tried this several times .. a separate vent blog.. i will try again#for my own peace of mind <3#plus.. venting has actually caused me so many issues w ppl and connection i've had ://#both on twitter and tumblr#and now part of why it got fucked up with him.. the loml.. was bc he got the wrong side of me#from all my miserable vent posts#i kept posting abt how 'nobody cares abt me' and then he felt like he didnt matter to me#bc i literally kept saying such things :(((#and tbh me venting publically is not worth it at all#it wasnt the only reason but part of it was that i said too much of that constantly#and bc of everything going on w him he just believed i didnt care abt him#fuckkkkk that makes me so sad and regretful but its done#i do kinda hate myself for that tho...#i need to learn how to not feel the need to constantly 'vent'#and learn how to just be ok w having these passing thought and feelings#and only vent when i really need to not every second#losing him... wasnt worth any of it#but ig just starting to not put it on my actual blog and keep it separate is a start#im weird abt what i do and such so it might seem like im overthinking#but i just need to be clear w myself and compartamentalize#and it helpd to tell myself that ill do this and then try to do it#instead of just thinking it#anyway idk#even if its too late with him i dont wanna risk more rude things said to me i just cant take it#and venting causes problems kinda always anyway#so learning to do it less and less is good
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eldrichfuck666 · 1 year
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I recently feel so strange about having a simblr, because I just.. I feel like I'm in a time loop, like time is non-existent thing for me and I just don't have any energy to catch up with the posts and how fast and how much is everything progressing and going. I just can't, and it's really difficult for me to force myself to catch up, I hate myself for it since I want and always wanted to be in this community, but it all feels so intense and strange for me, I just... I feel like I'm so far behind, like I need to stop being here because I'm too slow, too tired, too overwhelmed by everything maybe?.. I don't know what I'm really trying to say here, but like... I feel so out of touch or whatever.
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girl-bateman · 3 months
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it sounds so obvious now, but im pretty sure my physical problems rn can all be traced back to the fact that my brain and body has been in a constant hypervigilance and cortisol overload for 3 months straight. the dizziness, the blackouts, the acne, the constant nausea, the giant eyebags and sudden crows feet ?? Like yeah, no shit thats what happens when ur every waking hour is the equivalent of that camille preaker crying gif
#i know the fact that i faint every couple of days and go a little blind sometimes should be priority here#but it REALLY pisses me off how much and how quickly this (?) stress is aging me#id still like to look good even if i feel like shit. sorry#the worst thing is that im doing everything in my power to do all the right things#but since i dont actually KNOW why having sex affected me in such a weird way. I cant really take the proper steps to get over it#like.. i can treat the symptoms best i can but as far as the root of it all. i have no idea whats actually wrong or how to fix it#in some senses it seems pretty cut and dry- i cant remember my childhood. i was neglected. i have a bunch of issues#i have sex for the first time. i stop functioning. i go into a depressive episode. i cant sleep.eat.be around people#i feel paralyzed by fear at the most random of times and have to hide in a small space to feel safe again. i cry so much i pop an eye vesse#like CLEARLY something is wrong. and just in an objective sense it sounds like something bad happened a long time ago associated with sex#however ! life is more complicated than that and i think its unhelpful to make assumptions (yes im aware i might also be in denial lol)#i already know i have trauma so its not weird for me to exhibit trauma responses. and maybe that was triggered bc i wasnt ready to have sex#it doesnt have to have a sinister explanation. it might just be as simple as me not vibing with the guy and regretting it later#idk. obviously my reaction to it is violently out of proportion. but i might just be a sensitive person !#does that sound silly or reasonable? reading it back i still kinda wonder if its just the denial speaking but idk!#i really really wish i just knew what was wrong so that i could actually start to move on#i know im bumming u guys out talking about it but i cant exactly talk to my family and im trying to not unload everything onto my friends :#bc as supportive and wonderful as they are i can tell they feel bad and have no idea what to say#which is fair enough bc its a really weird situation! so i dont want to burden them more than what i have to for my own sanity#tw#?#diary entries
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trans-leek-cookie · 24 days
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reading Disco Elysium analysis posts is giving me fun new ways to conceptualize the ways society especially in regards to sorcery in JJK can be horribly flawed and traumatic. To the point I upset Myself. Anyway haha
#I'm not joking I'm thinking about like. Jujutsu society is not necessarily analogous to cops#Bc they are actually doing something Abt threats and most people are kinda literally forced into it? Like the fact there's so few#Sorcerers kinda. Like the kids don't really get a choice it feels like. Or at least they aren't able to make an informed choice about their#New Career because they are what. 15. Not to mention at least 2 students who joined bc the other option was Execution. Awesome#Totally not corecive system that it's unclear if this is an intentional aspect or perhaps just#A relic that hasn't been fucking FIXED: they're super fucking isolated not just in terms of small classes so much lower social interactions#Compared to public or even private schools. But also they cannot talk about the Literally Life Threatening Shit They Go Through with anyone#That 1. Didn't probably go thru the shit literally WITH THEM 2. Isn't older than them 3. They can be sure WONT get weird about their#''weakness'' anyway it's a mess. And I'm going to shove my fucking hands into that mess. Plus the fact jujutsu sorcerers are primarily give#Value within Jujutsu Society (plus like. Paid based on) their ability to do Violence. And other shit is pretty much dismissed#So like. These people 1. Are scarily isolated 2. Are essentially encouraged to see Regular People as 'lesser' whether that be in that#They're weak or in that they just. Don't know about jujutsu 3. Are encouraged to see violence as Important and one of the highest prioritie#For a sorcerer to master. Do u think a bunch of other sorcerers did the same/similar shit as Geto and just.#Didn't fucking register bc they were 'weaker'. Anyway Geto at least in the dub of JJK0 saying like#'the purpose of society is to help the weak and discourage the strong' yknow Satoru I don't think this guy had Principles and Morals#As much as he has Weird Indoctrination Shit Going On. Not even getting into my thoughts Abt Satoru n Suguru's relationship as#Special Grades and how that might be influenced by outside sources like the Higher Ups. Man I don't fucking CARE Abt Sukuna#I wanna know what the fuck was wrong w those old people. Why were they like that
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karinyosa · 8 months
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if i ever played jesus he would be the slimiest most decrepit doesn’t shower or sleep neurotic unwell emotional roller coaster dissociated from the human form motherfucker ever and if i ever played judas he would be a smarmy twink.
#i think jcs jesus is in a weird half dissociated state the entire play and in gethsemane i think he is like fully out of his body#he’s hallucinating in that garden#judas is like. i would make him quippy. like yes he’s a very passionate character but also i think being like#openly critical is kind of second nature to him#to the point where like i think he would just say shit#i don’t think he has to be super openly intense w jesus until the last supper (divorce song). and i like the idea of tls being like a break#ng point in a really obvious way. up to that point it’s just simmering. heaven on their minds is almost like an offhand prophecy to me#i think it could be very casual for him to be like hey best friend here’s everything that i think is wrong with you#he just says it. like that’s the kind of person he is. judas asks what everyone’s wondering. he might even view it as his duty as a friend#jesus however needs to either have the intensity dialed to 11#or just to be incredibly deflated but obviously filled with like inner turmoil. like theres ghosts in his brain and u can see it in his eye#and i think in gethsemane he would oscillate wildly between the two#i think it’s because like jesus to me thinks of himself so heavily as a vessel#so like there’s this sense that his body is just a shell or not really his#sorry didn’t mean to give your messiah dysphoria it was an accident this time#i think in a similar way with mary the mother there can be an element of thematic sa there as well#definitely not as overtly as with her but it’s that whole thing of like#your body not really belonging to yourself and existing essentially as an object or tool for someone else’s ends#there’s that sense of smallness as well. this feeling of being unable to escape this nebulous sense of ownership no matter where you are#and i mean you can map that onto all kinds of abuse. im far from the first person to point that out. anwyay its another one of those nights#i think if i ever played jesus i would get flack for making him un-messiah-like like i think he’d come off unlikable and unsettling#as he should#during holy week at least#outside of holy week he’s a charming uoung man with so much passion and drive that you really want to believe everything hes saying#to the point where you brush off his more concerning tendencies#and obv he can perform miracles too or whatever. i guess#anyway back to the intensity thing i just think it’d be funny to have a judas that’s just like#leaning on a beam or whatever like hey what ur doing rn sucks major ass. love and light#and jesus responding like a bridled horse about to crush the fucking bit between his teeth#anyway this is just what i would do. i am well aware i have only twinkish smarminess to offer for judas
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chososlilprincess · 10 months
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pt. 2 of Virgin Choso!! if you havent read the first part read it here and part 3
⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡
Virgin Choso who looks at your abandoned bag in the corner of his small living room. Standing in the little apartment he moved into recently, chewing on his lip anxiously. Should he text you? you’d realize it was gone eventually, and when you give him a call to tell him, he could pretend he hadn’t seen it. It’s not because he doesn’t want to talk to you, the opposite really, but hes scared. He’d probably be weird and act awkward if you two were ever alone, if you came to retrieve your bag from his home.
You and Yuji had been at his apartment earlier that day to help him move his furniture around. He’d heard the doorbell ring and when you had finally ascended to the top floor were he resided, Yuji had given him a brotherly hug, patting his back. And you,
You.
it’s the second time he sees you after he realised what he felt for you, and it’s getting increasingly hard to be around you. Especially when you keep putting on those adorable little outfits. He can’t focus, he can hardly breathe. Yuji, that idiot, knows that fact better than even Choso himself, seeing right through his brother. Which is why the boy had invited you today to help him. To torture Choso, to make him crack.
But Choso wasn’t weak. He could hold his composure. Even when Yuji walks past him and whispers, trying to hold his laugh, “maybe cut back on the staring a little today, she might actually notice this time,”
And now he’s here, all his furniture in the right places, but your bag in the wrong. You’d went to the gym he remembers, which is why you had it with you.
When his phone rings a minute later, his heart starts beating faster, already? he calms down a little when he sees it’s Yuji who’s calling, but his ease is cut short when he answers.
“hello?”
“hi Choso, it’s me,” its you. He can hear people talking and laughing in the background, probably you and Yuji’s new friends from your Jujutsu College. “my phone went out so i borrowed Yuji’s to call you,” you say sweetly, and before you can continue, a voice way louder than yours comes through the line, “she forgot her bag on purpose!!” Yuji shouts from next to you, before someone in the group can shut him up,
“not true…” you say awkwardly and laugh “but uh, is it okay if i come and get it tomorrow after my shift? it’s gonna be a little late though, sorry for the trouble,” he can feel that tugging in his heart, he’s excited to see you again, even if it’s only because of your forgetfulness. “it uh…it is no trouble,” he says quickly,
“thank you Choso…ill see you tomorrow,” and with that you hang up, and Choso is left with the silence of his apartment and the bustle outside of tokyo city.
⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡
He’s sitting on the couch with your bag propped up next to him, did you really leave your bag here on purpose? why would you have done that? did you want to see him too? he sighs, wishful thinking.
He stands up from the couch and the movement makes your unzipped bag fall to the floor with a thud.
He looks to the floor, bends down to put the bag back when-
oh. fuck.
Laying on the ground is your used gym clothes, a big hoodie, some shorts, a top and also…
a pair of your used panties.
he freezes, his dick jumping at the sight alone. Theyre baby blue, with a little white bow on the waistband. fuck. no. don’t.
he picks them up.
He’s only just learned about sex, about relationships and about…pleasuring himself. And he’s already a massive pervert.
what would you think of him if you knew? if you could see him right now? desperately jerking himself off on the couch, whines and groans spilling from his lips, drool sliding down his mouth. your perfect little panties wrapped around his hard cock.
He watches as his pre cum makes a mess in them. he wants to make a mess with you. He wants to see you wearing nothing else than those same panties around him,
he takes them away from his dick and brings them to his nose. And when he breathes in the scent of your pussy, He cums so hard his mind turns blank.
And it hits him when he comes down, that hes disgusting. And your panties are ruined.
how can you make him feel like this. Without any cursed energy. without beating him into the ground. youre just existing, And that fact alone makes him feel so…weak? why does he feel weak?
He decides then that he needs to tell you, Its been building up in his chest for months. He needs to tell you that hes in love with you and that he would do anything for you.
he needs to tell you he wants to bury his face in your little cunt.
˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖
thx to everyone whos been leaving notes<33 part 3 coming!!
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luveline · 7 months
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Bombshell reader and Spencer finding out she’s pregnant
fem!reader, 1.5k
cw for pregnancy / reader wants to be pregnant
“This is such a peculiar feeling.” 
Spencer’s ready for you physically before his mind has caught up, his hand reaching out for you despite his eyes steadfast on the book he has held to his knee. Legs crossed, relaxing in the supple leather of one of his armchairs, Spencer almost forgot you were here. “What?” he asks. 
“What did I say, or what’s peculiar?” 
“What’s peculiar?” he asks, letting the book fall down the side of his thigh. 
You shuffle closer to his legs, looking down at your clasped hands. “I feel really weird. For a few days. A bit sick, I think.” 
He’s not expecting you to say that; it’s been such a quiet evening, and you haven’t mentioned being ill once yet, despite having slept here and spent the day here in your soft pyjamas. “What’s wrong?” he asks. 
Because the thing is, Spencer loves you more than he’s ever loved anybody. It’s immediately unnerving for him to hear you aren’t well, because he doesn't want you to have a single shred of strife in your life, not even a papercut. He pulls you closer and closer, looking up into your face, begging to know what’s wrong and unashamed or caring so much. “You’re worrying me,” he prods when you don’t answer. 
“Sorry, I’m just…” You lean forward gently. Spencer takes your weight to his side, his cheek to your chest. You face down, wrapping an arm behind his shoulder. “Just have a funny feeling,” you whisper. 
“What kind of feeling?” he asks. Spencer could tell you a hundred different facts on funny feelings, gut feelings, and intuition, but that’s not strictly helpful right now. Then again, he knows he’s loved, and so he says the most burning one aloud before he forgets, “Intuition is based on the collating of facts by your brain to predict future events. It’s usually unconscious.” 
You touch his hair mindlessly. “Is it usually right?” 
“I think that’s up to opinion. Why, angel?” he asks, letting his voice slip into a deeper, settled rasp. He hopes it says what he’s trying to prove to you every single day, that he will take care of you for as long as you’ll let him. “What are you thinking is wrong?” 
“I don’t know if it’s wrong…” 
He’s so confused. “You can tell me anything,” he assures you, pulling at your hands. There’s room in the armchair for you so long as you’re okay with putting your legs over his, and you are, curling up next to him with your bottom lip pulled between your teeth. 
“I know, Spencer. Just let me think about it for a minute.” 
“Okay.” He takes your hand once again. For a few minutes he waits in the quiet, rubbing small circles into the back of your hand, trying hard not to look at you lest you feel pressured to talk. 
“Okay,” you say quietly, “I have a few things in that bag I brought over for emergencies, you know? In the bathroom. And I have a pregnancy test in there, so I’m going to take it. How do you… how would you feel about that?” 
“I’d feel whatever you needed me to,” he says instinctively, the word pregnancy on a flashing look in his mind’s eye. “You think you might be pregnant?” 
“Before I take it, before, is that a bad thing if I am?” 
He’s shocked to see you acting this way, so far from your regularly scheduled programming. Spencer always assumed that if you ever did become pregnant, he’d learn about it like everybody else. You’d tell him with a big smile or a proud kiss and go about your day. You know what you're worth, and to be pregnant is your decision, your body. 
“Of course not,” he says, frowning. 
“Are you sure?” 
“Why are you asking me?” 
“Because it’s something that would affect both of us?” 
“No, of course, of course, angel, I just mean, why would it ever be a bad thing?” He puts his hand on your neck. “Unless you think it is.” 
“This isn’t something I get to just decide by myself, this decision. I can’t make it alone,” you say. 
“Yes you can.” He cups your neck. “But I’d love to make it with you.” 
You smile. He can tell you’re going to share your thoughts with him before you do, your eyes clearing with worry for now, and instead shining with your usual, breath-stealing light. “I hope I am,” you say. 
He hadn’t known he’d feel this way until right this second. “I hope you are too.” 
Your giggle sounds ever so slightly teary and hug him. You kiss his neck, and then you spring out of his lap to drag him with you to the bathroom. It’s a straightforward process but the waiting is agony, you and him sitting on the counter by the sink basin, hands squeezing at each other's fingers with the test baking on his thigh. 
“This is crazy,” you murmur. “We were having a normal day.” 
“Normal to amazing would be good,” he says. 
“What are we gonna do?” 
“Well, I’ll have to make some more money.” 
“I’m serious.” 
“So am I,” he says with a laugh. “Do you know how expensive children are?” 
“How did your mom afford you and your three PhDs?” 
“I got most of that stuff for free,” he says, “on account of being smart for my age.” 
You laugh softly. “That’s one way to say it.” 
Spencer leans down to kiss your shoulder. “We’ll have to move in together. Like, forever.” 
“Oh no.” You prop your head on his. “I basically live here anyways. All the time.” 
We’ll have to get married, Spencer thinks, but that’s not necessarily true, and then thinks it should probably be a surprise, before he says, “And I’ll have to ask you to marry me.” 
“Not just because I’m–”
“No, not just because you’re pregnant,” he says, though neither of you know yet if that’s true. “Never.” 
“That would be admirable.” 
He doesn’t know about that, but he knows one thing. “I love you. Really. More than anything.” 
“Don’t worry, Spencer. I love you too.” 
“Would that be something you wanted?” he asks quietly. 
“I’ll say yes whenever you want to ask me,” you say, equally as quiet. “I would’ve said yes five years ago.” You weren’t together five years ago, and he believes it anyways.
Spencer kisses up your cheek and pulls you into his side with a last press of his lips to your temple. The test on his thigh hasn’t changed. It’s a digital one, so you’ll know for sure just as soon as it’s ready. He feels like he can’t breathe right, waiting, waiting, wishing. 
“I’m with you no matter what,” he says under his breath. 
“I know.” You turn your lips into his cheek, breath fanning his skin. “You know pregnancy makes a woman more beautiful, right?” 
“I don’t see how that could possibly happen to you, but I’m excited nonetheless.” 
You laugh and smile into his cheek, kissing the slight hollow of it tenderly. 
On your thigh, the test blinks to Pregnant. 
You don’t notice, too busy kissing him still, your smile hard to ignore as you mumble, “If I’m pregnant, and we’re gonna do all those things you said before, I promise I’ll make you happy, Spence. I’m gonna be good to you. We’re going to be so, so happy, we’re gonna have a house with a garden and a hundred types of flowers, and we’ll keep bees at the end of it, and we’ll have two libraries for all your books, three if you want it, and–”
“I’ll make you happy,” he echoes, “I promise. I’m gonna take care of everything.” 
“–the nursery…” You stop kissing him, hearing what it is he hasn’t managed to say in the wavering tone of his voice. You look down as he passes you the test. 
“No matter what you want,” he swears. 
Your happy tears are plentiful and not what he’s expecting. You wrap your arms around his neck and cry with your legs hanging off of the counter, the test digging into his shoulder, drawing a line over his skin as you check it to be sure and prompt another round of tears. They aren’t loud tears. Your sniffles are half giggle. 
“We never do things in the right order,” you say, blissfully happy. 
“I don’t think there’s a wrong one.” His turn now to press kisses to your tacky cheek.
“We used to hold hands under the round table.” You shudder with tears. 
Lovelorn and unsure, not even dating, your fingers sewn together under the conference table as someone spoke you through the case of the day. His heart in his throat, and your thumb rubbing circles so slowly into his skin his wrist would ache for hours afterwards remembering. You and Spencer have always done things in your own order, and he’d never say wrong. 
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oxymorayuri · 4 months
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❞𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐮𝐲𝐬 𝐚𝐬 𝐝𝐚𝐝𝐬?❝
Headcanons/Scenarios with my favorite boys [ Ace | Kid | Law | Doffy ] Content » Imagine you are pregnant with their child! How will they react? How will they prepare? just cute things ;3 Warnings: In Law's story, we experience an unpleasant birth with a few feelings that could be triggering. NO PROOFREADING
A/N: Not really headcanons… Kind of a mix of HC and scenarios. They're sometimes shorter or longer lol. ^////^
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𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐈𝐒𝐓: all images are by vasan5555
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𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐠𝐚𝐫 𝐃. 𝐖𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐚𝐰
Telling him you're pregnant: You don't really tell him. lol.
You don't even know how to tell him. On the one hand, you know he'll be really happy, but on the other hand, you're afraid that it won't fit into his plans.
You sought advice from Ikkaku, but her words weren't really helpful. She suggested throwing a little surprise party because she's really happy for both of you, but you know that wouldn't be a good idea. Announcing to the whole crew that you're pregnant without Law knowing beforehand? Better not, that would overwhelm him.
You had already thought about just leaving the positive pregnancy test in the bathroom, but before you could, Law pulled you aside.
“Hey y/n-ya, are you okay? You've been acting weird lately.” You look around a little panicked, trying to think of an excuse.
“Weird? Ah no, it's probably just because… we haven't been on the surface for a long time… The air in the Polar Tang is getting a bit thin?” you mutter.
His gaze rests knowingly on you. He inhales deeply and rolls his eyes… he knows that something is wrong with you.
He gently grabs you by the shoulders and speaks in a calm voice that makes your heart flutter.
“Don't lie to me… There are clear signs, you know?” You look up a little anxiously without saying anything.
He groans a little. You're not usually so secretive… Now he has to do all the talking. He doesn't really like that, but it's about you after all. He tries to argue with facts he's noticed on you.
“You throw up quite often in the morning. At first I thought it was because you might have been drinking with the others, but then I saw for myself how you didn't take a sip of alcohol. You even refused when Shachi wanted to pour you a drink!” You get smaller and smaller under him as he states the obvious but Law is far from finished…
“According to my calculations, you should already be 6 weeks overdue with your period… Besides, I've seen you raiding the fridge at night, eating the strangest combinations. Cheese and chocolate, are you okay?” - “You stalker!” You're blushing… When you saw those two things, you just had to try them together…
The tears started to fill your eyes when he asked you if you were pregnant. With a small nod, you agreed to his assumption and Law wiped the tears from your cheeks with his thumb.
“I didn't know how to say it and I didn't know what you were going to say… I was scared, Law. You have your plans and…” Your words spilled out a little hysterically and without hesitation he took you in his arms. With his hand on the back of your head, he tried to calm you down with a few gentle strokes while you sniffed in his tight embrace.
“pshhh. It's okay y/n…” His soft voice against your ear calmed you down and as your breathing relaxed he looked firmly into your watery eyes.
“Plans change sometimes and I'm ready for any adventure.” He smirks at you with a sly expression.
His behavior / During pregnancy: Well, let's say he has 'studied' all the books about pregnancy.
You will spend most of your time with the Polar Tang underwater, as Law finds this safest while you are pregnant. However, he is aware of the importance of fresh air and sunshine, so you are regularly on the surface to breathe in the fresh ocean breeze and feel the sun on your skin. You're more than happy to be pregnant because normally you don't surface that often…
-
As your partner and doctor, he personally ensures that you have a balanced diet. He has even asked Sanji for advice. It was only a small call with the Den Den Mushi, but Law doesn't like Sanji very much, as he always fawns over you without any shame. Law knows which ingredients are nutritious but are they tasty? That's where Sanji is a big help.
Law passed on Sanji's greetings to you while you were reading a book on the sofa. You looked after him in surprise as he sat at his desk.
“Um, thanks… Sanji? How come you're on the phone with him?” You know what Law thinks of him. In his eyes, he's a perverted womanizer.
he froze a little when he realized that he had unintentionally told you that he was in contact with Sanji. But now it's too late to talk his way out of it.
“You know, I tried a few dishes that are supposed to give you strength, but they were awful… so I called Black Leg-ya…” He scratches the back of his head as he tries to avoid your gaze.
Belly round, you get up to walk over to Law and rest a hand on his shoulder. Law leans back a little as he looks you in the face. His cheeks turn a soft shade of pink and he makes room for you to sit on his lap.
Without saying much, you thank him and give him a loving kiss on the lips.
“Thank you for always being so thoughtful, Law.”
-
You are freed from your daily chores on the Polar Tang, but sometimes you get so bored that you find yourself doing little chores like washing and hanging up the laundry. No big deal, you think to yourself, but Law sees it quite differently.
“But babe, I'm so bored! It's just laundry…” you pout.
“If you're bored, then do something else, but not housework.” - “How about spending a bit more time with me?” You put your hands on your hips. You're the only one on the ship who has nothing to do while the others are busy and you can't keep them from working all the time…
Law wanted to say something but decided to close his mouth to think.
“Yeah, you know what? You're right. Meet me in the library at noon, I've got an idea.” Determined, Law set off, leaving you dumbfounded. You were expecting a little excuse, but not this. Law just has a few things to do and then he'll make time for you.
You wait for him in the library, a little excited, wondering what Law has prepared.
With a pile of books, he came into the shared library right on time at 12 o'clock and took a seat next to you on the huge sofa.
His idea was to read books with you that you had both bought for the child and so it became routine for you to read the books to each other every day. It was a lot of fun and you had a great time practicing your silly voices and matching it to the story. You are sure that your child will love it when you read to him or her.
Birth/when the baby is around: The birth is turbulent but Law is the perfect man by your side.
He wants to help bring the baby into the world but you are STRICTLY against it! You never want that in your life. He may be a doctor himself, but that's just not for you.
It took a while, but you managed to agree that a doctor from the city would come to you on the ship. A week before your due date, you docked in front of a small island with a peaceful town.
The mood on the entire ship became more and more restless from day to day, because your child wasn't making a move. You're long past the due date and even Law is starting to worry, but you're not making it any easier for him either, because you're refusing any help from Law.
The day you went into labor, the whole ship was on full alert. Bepo, Shachi and Penguin rushed into town to get the doctor on the ship while Law held your hand and did breathing exercises with you.
The birth was slow and you felt like days had passed, the pain was so numbing. Slightly distressed, the doctor began to change the preparations as it turns out your baby hasn't fully rotated yet.
“We have to prepare the operating room for a C-section!” - “C-section???!” Although you can barely hear because of the pain, you have clearly understood 'that'.
“I have to perform a scan while we move to the operating room…”
Things are moving way too fast for you as everyone around you rushes to get your bed and the ultrasound machines ready to head to the operating room.
Law doesn't even leave your side as you scurry down the corridor.
“The umbilical cord has wrapped around your son's neck!” Said the doctor. Desperation spreads through you, you can't relax and are afraid that you will push your son further out of you and strangle him. Wait a minute, a boy? You didn't even know the gender yet…
“Did you hear y/n? It's a boy! Let me make sure our boy gets out of you safely.” the tears run down your cheek uncontrollably. Your emotions are dancing the tango, you are so happy to be bringing a little boy into the world, but you are still afraid of the umbilical cord.
“Please Law, get our Rosinante out of me!” You squint your eyes because you can't see anything through all your tears. Law freezes for a millisecond when he hears the name but quickly pulls himself together.
“Doctor, please move aside.” Somewhat taken aback, the slightly older doctor moved aside and made room for Law.
With the help of Law's devil fruit, he gently extracted your child from your womb and held the crying baby in his arms.
His eyes widened at the sight of the helpless baby and the feeling inside him was as overwhelming as it was beautiful.
You look at him with a weary expression and watch this precious moment until exhaustion overcomes you to the point where you have to close your eyes.
The atmosphere is still very tense and even though you are no longer aware of it, everyone is doing their best to take care of you and Rosinante.
When you open your eyes for the first time, you find yourself in a hospital bed. Your gaze wanders around the room and lands on your side, where Law is asleep holding your hand. The movement wakes him up and he quickly gets up to ask you about your well being. After some time, when Law was sure you were okay, he brought your little boy into the room.
The dark circles under his eyes are nothing compared to the bright smile on his face as he holds your boy in his arms.
“Look Rosinante, mommy is awake. You can finally meet your mother.” The way he looks down at Rosinante… This is how Law always looks at you, full of love. He gently places him in your arms and the little one immediately snuggles up to your chest.
He is so beautiful that it brings tears to your eyes. He has his hair, his wonderful raven black hair. His little eyelids are closed and he sleeps contentedly in your arms. In his mother's arms. In Law's eyes, there is no sight more beautiful than looking at the two of you. He's happier than ever.
“He has your eyes, y/n…” he whispers as he strokes your cheek with gentle fingers.
𝐏𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐠𝐚𝐬 𝐃. 𝐀𝐜𝐞
Telling him you're pregnant: You could scream! No wait a minute, that's exactly what you're doing! XD
Every now and then you take a pregnancy test to be on the safe side. Since you both do it like animals in heat and neither use condoms nor can you be trusted to take your pill regularly, it's better to pee on the strip every now and then.
You look impatiently at the screen of the pregnancy test… A child wouldn't actually be such a bad thing. You and Ace have been a couple for a long time and have an unshakeable bond. Even though you're pirates, you're sure that you can lead a carefree life.
You have good cards with the Whitebeard pirates on the Moby Dick and if things get too rough, you're sure that Whitebeard will find an island within his territory where you'll be safe.
It feels like an eternity as you sit on the lid of the toilet with the test still in your hand. You wonder how Ace will react...
Will he be happy? You bet he will! As you daydream, you notice out of the corner of your eye how a second strip appears on the display.
Your eyes widen. I'M PREGNANT!
You scream like crazy, and when I say crazy I mean so loud that everyone on the ship should hear it.
Tears of joy gather as you do a happy dance in the small bathroom.
All of a sudden the door opens with a bang and Ace looks down at you in panic. He must have thought something else had happened because of your loud scream. It almost sounded as if you had been stabbed. At least that's what he must have thought from the look on his face.
“Babe, WHAT happened?!" He scans your body to see if you've suffered any damage, but you're fine.
With a shrill voice, you throw your arms around his neck and hug him tightly. Ace is visibly confused about the situation. He saw that you were crying but you're acting overly happy.
“What's going on?” His voice is a soft laugh as he hugs you tightly and buries his face in your hair. You lean back a little to look him in the face.
“Ace you're going to be a father!!!” At first he doesn't seem to fully grasp what your words mean but as the realization kicks in his eyes widen.
“ARE YOU PREGNANT?!” he grabs you by the shoulders and shouts in your face.
“YEEEESSS!” you shout back as the tears well up in your eyes.
“Please don't mess with me, are we really going to be parents?” His voice cracks a little and you nod silently to him and show him the test you took.
“That's awesome! We have to celebrate!” Just as he was about to leave the bathroom, he stops abruptly and looks at you with a serious face.
“But you're not allowed to drink alcohol!” Even though you roll your eyes, you have to giggle.
“I'm aware of that, my darling.” You go up on your toes to kiss him on the cheek and gently squeeze his hand.
Before you share the happy news, you share a loving moment together and kiss before walking out.
His behavior / During pregnancy: You know he's going to be the dad of the year after how he treats you.
He has taken time off for the duration of your entire pregnancy, with the clear permission of Whitebeard, to be at your side whenever you need him.
You never ask for anything in particular, but he is actually quite attentive and if he sees you putting your feet up with a heavy moan and relaxing on the deck, he comes straight over to pamper you with a foot massage.
-
He once made the extra effort to go to a special island for over 2 days because there was fruit there that you had an extreme craving for.
The funny thing is that he got you so many that at some point you couldn't see them anymore. He had tried to get more creative to avoid wasting the fruits and so he woke you up every morning with a glass of freshly squeezed juice.
He had even tried his luck at baking, but that went terribly wrong… But you found the idea incredibly cute and that's how you found your shared hobby - baking!
Together you created the most delicious things from the leftover fruits and jokes quickly started going around that if you two should settle somewhere, you should definitely open a small bakery.
You don't think that's such a bad idea. A perfect plan B.
-
He is literally glued to your belly and loves to feel your child through your skin. He didn't just cry once, but actually every time he felt your little one kick.
“Oh wow y/n did you feel that?” with his cheek resting on your stomach, he looks excitedly up at your face. You run a hand through his black hair and giggle in response.
“Of course I can feel it, after all, the baby is in my belly.” A little red in the face, he cuddles you and wraps his arms around you.
“Hehe that's true, you're right. I'm just so excited.” - “Me too, Ace…”
Birth/when the baby is around: If one of you is panicking then it's definitely Ace.
You approached him with weak feet to tell him that your water had broken and he immediately jumped up in panic to dash to you.
He definitely didn't know what to do with himself and ran back and forth in a panic to pack some of your things.
You look at him in confusion, not understanding what he is packing all your things for…
“Ace… Ace, stop!” you reach for him as he rushes past you.
“Why are you packing these things, I'm going to give birth on the Moby Dick, remember?” Ace suddenly seemed to remember and dropped the suitcase, which was barely closed.
There were various things scattered on the floor that had fallen out of the suitcase. A short glance at the floor and you burst out laughing.
What on earth has he packed? A few things are halfway understandable, but why would you need a bikini now? Not to mention that you're only going to Marco's infirmary to give birth. If you need anything, then someone else will get it… After all, your room is only a few meters away.
He carefully carried you in his arms to the infirmary and luckily for you, the birth took place without any complications.
When Marco wanted to hand the baby over to Ace, Ace didn't want to hold your little one in his arms at first.
“Oh no, give it first y/n, she had all the hard work so she should be first.” Even though he wanted you to have it first, he gazed longingly after the baby as Marco placed it in your arms.
He sat down on a chair next to you and clasped his hands together, watching you with pure pride.
You can hardly believe it yourself, but you are overjoyed…
“Ace, we're parents now…”
-
Ace loves to play with the child, even changing diapers is no problem. He is already looking forward to running around the deck of the Moby Dick with your child.
-
He always has a few bottles filled with milk on his belt and with the help of his devil fruit he can heat them up. It's like he's wearing a belt with grenades, you know? :D He skillfully spins the bottle in his hand and warms it to the perfect temperature to feed your hungry baby. You don't have to say anything or rush to the child because Ace is a responsible dad and loves to look after the little one.
-
Your child is just as much a ray of sunshine as you are and has the wild features of Ace. A combination that is impossible to resist.
Ace is definitely the fun parent of the two of you. You can already see how difficult it will be for him to stand his ground later on.
𝐃𝐨𝐧𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐱𝐨𝐭𝐞 𝐃𝐨𝐟𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐨
Telling him you're pregnant: He wants you to bear his child.
You don't need to 'confess' it to him because it's a planned child. You are actively trying to get pregnant and as active as you are in bed, it didn't take long for the pregnancy test to come back positive.
“Wonderful news my little dove… You should be rewarded. What do you say? What does my little dove want, huh?” He leans down to you and lifts your chin with his finger.
There's a slight blush on your cheeks because Doflamingo's voice always sounds so seductive, no matter what he says. For a moment, you think about what he said. You're still a little excited that you're carrying his child.
“fufufufu… Is there anybody home in that pretty little head of yours?” a crooked grin graces his lips as he flicks your forehead.
You quickly regain your composure but your face turns red.
“Ah, I'm sorry my love, I'm just really happy that I've lost my voice.”
His laughter rings deep through the room as he pulls you onto his lap.
When you came into his office, he knew exactly what kind of message you had for him because when he's working, even you can't disturb him unless he calls for you.
He lavishes your hand with soft kisses and travels along your arm with more kisses until he gets past your neck and to your mouth.
You enjoy his tender touch as if it were already the reward, but you know that Doflamingo wouldn't accept this, so you think about it while you kiss sensually.
His big hands run over your figure and find a hold on your ass. He interrupts your kiss and if you pay close attention you can guess where his eyes are behind those red sunglasses.
“Tell me my love, what would make you even happier, huh?”
His whisper tickles your lips a little and in the back of your mind you already have an idea of what you want the most.
“Doffy, I really want to go shopping with you and buy things for the baby…” - “Your wish is my command.”
His behavior / During pregnancy: Hardly any different than before, but you'll be even more pampered.
Doflamingo will provide you with all the necessary servants to look after your wellbeing, and when you go into the city, more bodyguards than usual will follow you wherever you go.
His remark is still stuck in your mind: “…After all, there are 2 people to protect now…” he said to you as you were baffled by the amount of guards.
-
Even if he has to work a lot as king, he will always find time for you. He likes to take you out, and with luxurious appointments at the spa or a private visit to a hot spring, he'll make sure you're always relaxed.
Princess treatment is nothing new to you but since you are pregnant you have at least one professional massage a day besides the other appointments you have for your own comfort.
Manicure, pedicure, hairdresser, face masks, aqua aerobics to relax your tired bones, you name it.
-
The chefs are warned that whenever you are hungry for whatever, they have to prepare your every wish. No matter how late.
You fancy a special dish from the South Blue? Doflamingo had brought someone specially for you who can prepare any specialty with brilliance. He shows you his love through acts of service.
Birth/when the baby is around: He is smitten with the little miracle you have created and is already filled with pride.
He won't be there at birth but he will be the first one you see when you open your eyes. Just when you are at your most vulnerable, he will leave it to no one but himself to protect you.
-
You never thought Doflamingo could be so loving to a baby, but when you thought about it, he was always good to the kids in the gang. From the outside it may look like he's only interested in the skills, but you know for a fact that he respects and loves each of them as a member of the family.
At first you were a bit worried because you gave birth to a girl. After all, you were supposed to give him an heir to the throne.
“My dearest, that you have given me a daughter who is just as beautiful as her mother is like a gift from the gods.” While a few servants took care of your sweet girl to give you a break, he made certain insinuations.
“And who says one child is enough for me?”
His fingers gently stroked your skin while you had brunch on a picnic blanket in the castle garden. You blush immediately because you know exactly what he's getting at.
Another child with Doffy? You look after your daughter as she plays happily wearing a little pink feather dress that resembles Doflamingo's cape.
You shyly confess to him that you would love to have more children from him and before you could really finish talking he took you in his arms, ordered the servant to continue looking after your daughter and whisked you away to your bedchamber.
-
Doflamingo actually loves to dress your child :3
You know… You, him and your daughter in matching clothes… You're always well dressed.
𝐄𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐬𝐬 𝐊𝐢𝐝
Telling him you're pregnant: He thinks you're joking and laughs as he turns his back to you and continues fixing his metal arm.
“I'm sorry Kid but I'm serious. I'm pregnant!”
He turns around because of your serious yet trembling voice.
You're not entirely happy either. You'd like to be happy, but you and Kid? Is that such a good idea? You stroke your arm feeling a little insecure as you stand in his workshop like a lost mess.
“Pregnant women have no place on the Victoria Punk…” - “What's that supposed to mean? Are you kicking me off the crew?!” You interrupt him with a raised voice. Your face is already turning red, but not from anger. You try to suppress your tears.
He grits his teeth in annoyance and approaches you with a pulsating vein on his forehead.
“What the fuck y/n! NO. Of course not!” You should just let him finish before you imagine something stupid.
He grabs you by the shoulders and pulls you close so that your noses are touching.
His eyes are filled with rage. You are always too hasty with your assumptions…
You look a little startled, but you know he's no threat to you when he gets this close because his grip is still gentle... You immediately regret accusing him of something like that. You know he would never kick you out of the gang. You were just too emotional…
His behavior / During pregnancy: He is constantly thinking of ways to do something useful for you and the baby but you hardly notice any of that.
His behavior doesn't really change in front of you. He's still a short tempered dickhead and that often leads to problems between you, especially now that you're having such hormonal swings.
-
It can always be dangerous on the Victoria Punk and sometimes you'll have to fight in the middle of the open sea. If Kid isn't around then Killer definitely is, because you are not 'allowed' to lift a finger.
You found this quite annoying in the first few weeks, after all you are still able to move quite well and you love to jump into the fight with the others.
After your first argument regarding this, you went your separate ways in a rage. A very typical picture after an argument between you; Kid disappears into his workshop and you flee to the crow's nest. What follows is days of ignoring each other until one of you can't take it anymore. But this time Killer followed you.
Killer broke the silence between you by simply telling you that Kid had a valid reason why you shouldn't fight and that you should please let him finish his explanation without butting in. A little offended, you wanted to say something at first, but you drop your shoulder and close your mouth. Even if you're angry, Killer doesn't deserve to suffer your rage. Kid is the one your anger is directed at. Your silence is Killer's signal that he is free to speak.
Your angry face quickly changed to a tearful one. The reason is as simple as it is understandable and you curse at Kid in a sobbing voice.
“Why doesn't he fucking tell me like you just did!” Your masked friend shrugs. That's a question that even Kid himself might not be able to answer.
“I think he's pissed off why you don't just let him do it, like you don't trust his decisions and then he gets…” “…Furious.” you finish his sentence. That's what Kid is like, a hothead but your hothead.
“Yep. Furious.” - “Argh! My fucking goodness no! I just don't want to be a burden and join the fight!” You feel bad.
Kid knows that you don't have a round belly at the beginning of your pregnancy, but Killer told you in secret that he's been reading books about pregnancy. Kid can read? That's the first thing that surprises you and then the fact that he reads pregnancy books of all things!
Not even you thought about it and suddenly you feel like a bad mom. Kid is really worried about you because he has read that stress and physical activity are a risk no matter what stage you are in.
The same evening you two reconciled. You apologized to him and didn't question anything, because otherwise Killer would be in serious trouble. Since then, you've simply accepted your fate.
-
You made an unexpected discovery in his workshop... There was a rather large object 'hidden' in the room, covered up so that you could only make out a rectangular shape.
Kid never covers anything in his workshop, so you got curious and looked what was hidden under the big cloth. You could hardly believe your eyes as you rubbed them in disbelief.
There was a crib in front of you and you're pretty sure he built it. The frame is up for debate, as the crib is made entirely of metal and almost looks like a cage that is open at the top… The metal bars give you prison vibes but your heart melts at his efforts.
On closer inspection, it actually looks quite cute too. He's even made a mobile with small figurines that look like fish and sea kings.
You don't even notice how the door opens behind you as you spin the mobile.
“So you found it, huh?” Startled, you turn around with one hand on your chest. You were so immersed that you didn't hear Kid coming up behind you.
With tears streaming down your face, you throw your arms around Kid's neck.
“I LOVE IT!”
Kid is generally proud of his work but your words are like music to his ears and with a grin he returns your embrace.
-
“What are you doing y/n?” You jolt as you push the furniture around in your shared room. Still standing on the doorstep with his hand on the handle, Kid looks at you with a raised eyebrow. You were just about to push an armchair across the room and in the middle of your movement you stop and grin at him, somewhat caught off guard.
“Uh, I… I'm just making some space…” - “Space?” A little annoyed, you raise an eyebrow; he could help you rather than ask you weird questions, after all, you're heavily pregnant. You put your hands on your hips a little bitchily.
“Yes, space! Don't just stand there and start helping. I'll make room for the baby?” Kid grumbles and sits down on the armchair. Confused, you gesture to him what this is supposed to mean, that clearly isn't any help. Kid's behavior confuses you a little, because his attitude is so different than usual.
Somehow he looks 'thoughtful'… Normally, he would have grabbed the armchair with his metal arm and taken it to where you want it. Why is he sitting down and looking at you with that confusing expression?
You raise your eyebrows questioningly and wait for a reasonable explanation. Struggling to find the right words, he scratches his chin, with his eyes focused elsewhere.
What's wrong with him? He seems to be lost in his thoughts? You don't recognize that from him. He seems to be preoccupied with something, but instead of ranting out loud or speaking rashly, he sits in front of you almost calmly.
His gaze tends to avoid you as he stares absently into space and you lean down towards him, visibly confused. His eyes look directly into yours and he groans a little irritated.
“Listen, you don't have to make room here because the baby's not moving in.” With your eyebrows drawn together, you lean back again and look down at the redhead. Well, not really down because Kid is pretty tall, let's say you're looking at him at eye level.
“Excuse me? The baby's not moving in here? The baby is not a roommate who we don't want to move in with… The…-” You stop your sentence abruptly and look down at your lips, where Kid's hand is resting. Kid doesn't have the nerve to listen to your rambling. You're taking it the wrong way again. But that's more his fault, because he always says things so stupidly, he's aware of that, but he's trying his best.
“Shut up for once, will you?” - “Excuse me?” You let out a muffled voice through his hand.
He growls at you a little as he lets go of you and stands up. Your gaze goes up to him while his goes down to you. There you both stand in front of each other, each with an annoyed look on your face.
“Do you remember that the Victoria Punk is no place for babies?” You think for a moment. You remember that and the fact that you thought he was going to kick you from the crew. You didn't really discuss what he meant by that, but now you're all ears.
“You and the baby will live in our hideaway.” - “WHAT?!” You're so perplexed that you spit a bit at him. Without taking his eyes off you, he wipes the spit off his chin. A little blushed, you mumble an apology.
Kid has no intention of leaving you there alone. He'll stop by often and try to stay as long as he can, but as captain, he has a duty to run his ship. He has made it clear to you in a surprisingly calm voice that it would not be a good environment for your child to grow up on the Victoria... If at all. It's too dangerous and what if something happens to your child? He's made the decision, that's how it's going to be done and there's no changing that.
You can more than understand his thoughts, but it would be nice if he had discussed this with you.
“You know Kid, you may be the captain but I'm still the mother of our child and before you make decisions like this you should talk to me!” You have to tiptoe a little as you point your finger at him. Rolling his eyes, he takes your hand away and gently pulls you towards him.
“You can make all the decisions in the hideout… For example, you can decorate the house however you like. No matter what it costs.” Your eyes light up at his words, “Apology accepted!”
Birth/when the baby is around: You will never see this man cry again. Only in your memories…
When he saw the sleeping face of your picture perfect child for the first time, a switch flipped in him. Who would have thought that Kid would ever have such feelings? The feeling of unfathomable love. The love he has for you is completely different, because he has learned to love you. But this baby? For your child, a love had been born in him that brought tears to his eyes. He will not learn to love this child. No. He will simply love your child more each day!
-
He is a bit reluctant to hold the baby, he even confessed to you that he is afraid of it because of his arm. He doesn't want to crush the baby. Watching him look at you with a crushed look on his face while you hold the baby is making you sad, so you think of something. You wrap a scarf around him and put your little one in the pouch so that he is lying on his chest. The sight is so wonderful. This tall, broad man with a baby carrier! How adorable.
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'Hope you enjoyed it <3
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inkskinned · 8 months
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crows use tools and like to slide down snowy hills. today we saw a goose with a hurt foot who was kept safe by his flock - before taking off, they waited for him to catch up. there are colors only butterflies see. reindeer are matriarchical. cows have best friends and 4 stomachs and like jazz music. i watched a video recently of an octopus making himself a door out of a coconut shell.
i am a little soft, okay. but sometimes i can't talk either. the world is like fractal light to me, and passes through my skin in tendrils. i feel certain small things like a catapult; i skirt around the big things and somehow arrive in crisis without ever realizing i'm in pain.
in 5th grade we read The Curious Incident of the Dog In The Night-time, which is about a young autistic boy. it is how they introduced us to empathy about neurotypes, which was well-timed: around 10 years old was when i started having my life fully ruined by symptoms. people started noticing.
i wonder if birds can tell if another bird is odd. like the phrase odd duck. i have to believe that all odd ducks are still very much loved by the other normal ducks. i have to believe that, or i will cry.
i remember my 5th grade teacher holding the curious incident up, dazzled by the language written by someone who is neurotypical. my teacher said: "sometimes i want to cut open their mind to know exactly how autistics are thinking. it's just so different! they must see the world so strangely!" later, at 22, in my education classes, we were taught to say a person with autism or a person on the spectrum or neurodivergent. i actually personally kind of like person-first language - it implies the other person is trying to protect me from myself. i know they had to teach themselves that pattern of speech, is all, and it shows they're at least trying. and i was a person first, even if i wasn't good at it.
plants learn information. they must encode data somehow, but where would they store it? when you cut open a sapling, you cannot find the how they think - if they "think" at all. they learn, but do not think. i want to paint that process - i think it would be mostly purple and blue.
the book was not about me, it was about a young boy. his life was patterned into a different set of categories. he did not cry about the tag on his shirt. i remember reading it and saying to myself: i am wrong, and broken, but it isn't in this way. something else is wrong with me instead. later, in that same person-first education class, my teacher would bring up the curious incident and mention that it is now widely panned as being inaccurate and stereotypical. she frowned and said we might not know how a person with autism thinks, but it is unlikely to be expressed in that way. this book was written with the best intentions by a special-ed teacher, but there's some debate as to if somebody who was on the spectrum would be even able to write something like this.
we might not understand it, but crows and ravens have developed their own language. this is also true of whales, dolphins, and many other species. i do not know how a crow thinks, but we do know they can problem solve. (is "thinking" equal to "problem solving"? or is "thinking" data processing? data management?) i do not know how my dog thinks, either, but we "talk" all the same - i know what he is asking for, even if he only asks once.
i am not a dolphin or reindeer or a dog in the nighttime, but i am an odd duck. in the ugly duckling, she grows up and comes home and is beautiful and finds her soulmate. all that ugliness she experienced lives in downy feathers inside of her, staining everything a muted grey. she is beautiful eventually, though, so she is loved. they do not want to cut her open to see how she thinks.
a while ago i got into an argument with a classmate about that weird sia music video about autism. my classmate said she thought it was good to raise awareness. i told her they should have just hired someone else to do it. she said it's not fair to an autistic person to expect them to be able to handle that kind of a thing.
today i saw a goose, and he was limping. i want to be loved like a flock loves a wounded creature: the phrase taken under a wing. which is to say i have always known i am not normal. desperate, mewling - i want to be loved beyond words.
loved beyond thinking.
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navstuffs · 5 months
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About Tradition and Responsibility
Pairing: Gojo Satoru x WifeF!Reader
Summary: You, a non-Jujutsu sorcerer, married the Gojo Satoru. After having your first child, the higher-ups demand to meet you and your first born son.
Warning tags: protective!Satoru, tiny angst if you squint, non-jujutsu sorcerer reader, no y/n usage
Author's Notes: hiii, i wrote this based on my own post, having one of my favorite tropes (protectiveness)! this might have a second part i haven't wrote yet, we shall see. enjoy your reading!
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You keep your head down, trying to focus on the peaceful expression of the baby in your arms, your first newborn son, Kotaro. He is perfect, from his white curls to his tiny toes. You can't help but give him a small smile, your hands gripping his little body, promising silently to always protect him from any harm in the world. You feel so much love for your son that it is difficult to understand anyone who could find his existence wrong due to one ridiculous minuscule detail: when Kotaro opens his eyes, they are your eye color. Not your husband's vivid, ethereal blue eyes. 
Because of that, Kotaro Gojo is considered a waste of time—almost a mistake, but no one would dare say that in front of you or his father.
The door in front of you opens, and an older lady announces that the elders are ready to see you. You get up from the bench, bringing Kotaro closer to your chest. 
It is finally time to face your curses.
-x-
When Gojo Satoru decided to marry a non-jujutsu user, the higher-ups thought it was a joke. A good one especially coming from Gojo, who was known to do anything to piss off the hierarchy of the Jujutsu world, as if Satoru's whole existence wasn't on top of all that, as if any of those ancient and outdated men had anything to complain about the woman he chose as his wife.
However, when Gojo decided to proceed with this marriage, most were still shocked. They never thought Gojo would marry anyone, so soon, interest spiked in the mysterious woman he decided to marry. 
You wish you could tell your first meeting with the strongest sorcerer had been something glorious, but no. It was in your small candy shop, the one passed down to you by your parents from their parents. On a rainy day, that strange tall man with white bandages and white hair entered, sniffing the air like a hound dog. Gojo insisted on buying all the sweets you had on display, and instead of leaving, heard you explain how you made each of them, fascinated. 
After that day, Satoru started appearing daily, buying all the sweets on display by the end of the day. Gojo always mentioned he first fell in love with your cooking, but you didn't know when exactly you fell in love with him. Maybe it was the comfort of having someone understand those sudden chills around your body as if something had been watching you until Satoru entered the shop. He never found that weird at all. 
At first, Gojo kept you away as best as he could. You could sense curses with a chill in your body but couldn't see them (a blessing, for what Gojo described sometimes). And since you met your now-future-husband, as powerful as you could remotely grasp he was, Gojo was also the silliest and most annoying man you ever met. If you got upset with something he did for any reason, he would not leave you alone until you reassured him you weren't mad anymore. On top of that, Satoru was easily manipulated with sweets. Again, a big grown baby.
He never shared the consequences of what it meant to marry him. The letters started coming two months after the marriage, with your name on them, presenting themselves as chairpeople of the Jujutsu Sorcerers, and they were eager to meet you whenever you could. Gojo always told you to ignore those letters, throw them in the trash, and burn them if you wanted. 
Then Kotaro was born. It had been a normal pregnancy, with the usual sickness in the morning and mood swings, but at least your baby was born healthy. You couldn't be happier, and Gojo couldn't be happier. The baby not having the same blue eyes didn't concern your husband, reassuring you that everything was fine.
Until it wasn't: the letter that made you come into this meeting with the elders without your husband's knowledge had a clear underlying threat in those polite words: You were to bring Kotaro for them to look at, or they would be forced to bring you in. Gojo had shielded you from this for far too long.
As soon as you enter the oval room, you notice the covers: you can't see any faces, but you are sure all stares are on you and your baby. Kotaro rubs his face against your chest, and you bring him closer, shielding him from their judgmental glances.
"Come forward." A masculine voice demands.
You walk in the middle of the room and stop. No one speaks.
"You wanted to see me?" You ask, surprised your voice isn't trembling. You wonder if they can hear your heart exploding in your chest. 
"Yes. We never had the chance to meet with the wife of Gojo Satoru; he has kept you hidden for a long time."
"I am sure he had his reasons." 
"Not that it matters who Gojo Satoru decided to marry, but his decisions impact the Jujutsu World, wanting or not." An older voice speaks, clearly angry with your disobedience. 
"And who would stop him from making those decisions?" You question, trying to sound courteous but instead sounding resentful. Satoru has told you about these higher-ups: focused on their old ways, not allowing anything that disturbs their way. Only their way is correct. Tradition. Anything that breaks from the fine formal line should be eliminated. "No one can stop Gojo Satoru from doing what he wants. As his wife, I should be the first one to know."
Silence. You breathe deeply, part of you still fearful of what is about to come. They have yet to speak about Kotaro, so you dread the inevitable moment. Now, something deep inside of you screams you should have told Satoru. What if you walked straight into a trap?
"Your child." A third voice speaks, and the whole atmosphere of the room seems to change when he mentions your son. You grip Kotaro's small body again, ready for what will come. "He does not possess the same eyes as his father, as we can see."
"So? It is not like every single member of the clan was born with six eyes." You ask defiantly.
"Of course not," The man snickers. "But this is Gojo Satoru's son. Haven't you thought about the consequences of having a child with a man like that?"
"Satoru keeps us safe! And if he isn't here, I keep my child safe. Never underestimate the love a mother has for her child."
"There is no doubt in a mother's love for her child. There is also no doubt that some might carry a heavy hatred for Gojo Satoru. If, for some reason, you were caught vulnerable…"
"What? What are you talking about?" Your voice shakes a little, but you keep yourself steady. For Kotaro.
"Many curses and even sorcerers have hidden and disappeared because of Gojo. Many fear him. When your husband was born, he altered the balance of our world. If there is an even remote possibility Gojo can't defend himself or, even worse, if you get pregnant again and this baby comes with six eyes…we can't even imagine how bad it would be the repercussions." The tone of false concern disgusts you. Sensing your uneasiness, Kotaro starts whining, and you start rocking him. 
You are not stupid. Those men didn't care about you or your baby's safety. They wanted six eyes that they could control, nothing else, nothing more. You haven't given any proof that you are worthy of being married to Satoru.
You don't get to answer because the door behind you opens, and all eyes are directed to the man behind you. You don't even have to turn around, your sixth sense telling you: Satoru. And he is pissed. He takes a moment to analyze the room in front of him, seeing you in the middle with your son in his arms, crying. His son crying. Gojo walks in, no blindfold on, without asking for permission (not that anyone was waiting for one), and ignores everyone as he stops right before you.
His blue eyes scan you and Kotaro from the top of your head to the feet, concerned. 
"Are you okay? Is Kotaro okay?" Satoru asks in a gentle tone, ignoring anyone around. You nod, starting to form an apology, but he shakes his head, calming you. "There's nothing to apologize for. You did well. You always do well. Stand beside me, okay?"  
You nod as Satoru forms a shield between you and the higher-ups. Surprisingly, Kotaro has stopped whining, feeling his dad is close by. No one speaks, and everyone seems to be holding down their breaths.
"So," Satoru's tone is calm, "who cares to explain how my wife and son ended up here?"
No answer comes, and you can sense the fear over the room, which differs from your husband's posture. Those who don't know him might believe in Satoru's calm posture, but you and probably the rest of the elders knew this was only a façade. In Satoru's veins, there is only anger. The only reason any of those higher-ups are still alive is because of your and Kotaro's presence. Not because Satoru would hurt you or his son if he had to kill them, but because he didn't want to shock you or accidentally make you fear him. You had never seen him kill before.
You don't know yet what lengths he would go to protect you and his child.
"We were just worried about her well-being, that's all." Some brave higher-up answers and Gojo snickers.
"Oh? More worried than her husband then?"
"You know, we had to meet her eventually. You kept her away from our world, your world, for far too long."
"And she was fine until you brought her into this. My wife and my son are none of your concerns."
"Not if she births a child with six eyes. Then it is our concern." Your body tenses behind Gojo, immediately causing him to react back, his murderous energy filling the room. If you felt it, those elders felt it as well, silencing them.
Kotaro starts crying again, sensing the threatening energy in the room. You had never felt such a destructive sensation coming from your husband before, but you managed to grab Satoru's arm.
"'Toru? Kotaro is scared." And you are scared.
The energy instantly leaves, and Satoru turns around, worried. You tremble with fear, and Kotaro bawls, tears dropping from his eyes. He instantly places his black blindfold on his eyes before taking Kotaro from your arms and gently rocking him. 
"Can we leave, please?" You ask, and Satoru nods, grabbing your hand with his free one. Before turning around to leave, he announces in a frightening tone to the entire room, "If I ever hear any of you trying to make any sort of contact with my wife or son, I won't be so merciful."
With that, Gojo Satoru pulls you away from that horrible place you promised to never see again.
-x-
Satoru dismisses the driver who drove you there. Instead, he takes you to his car, finding Kiyotaka Ijichi with a nervous smile when he sees you. You manage to smile back, and Ijichi seems relieved that you and Kotaro are okay. The ride home is silent, and Satoru never lets go of your hand. Kotaro is in the other one, sleeping safely in his arms. You can't bear to look at your husband, too afraid of what you are about to see: disappointment? Anger? He would be right to feel like that. You endangered not only yourself but Kotaro in this whole situation.
After Ijichi leaves you at home, you gently take a sleepy Kotaro away from your husband's arms. Satoru had this enchantment with your son, making him feel calm and safe. Like mother like son, you guess. You place Kotaro gently on his mat, watching as he gets comfortable. How careless of you to put your son in such a dangerous situation.
"Do you want to talk about this?" Satoru whispers, and you shake your head.
"I am sorry." To Kotaro. To Satoru. To yourself. "I thought I could—"
Satoru slowly closes the proximity between you two. He waits, watching the tears flowing down your eyes, sitting at your side, and when you hide your face on his shoulders, his arms are around you, bringing you to his lap.
"You had no idea."
"I endangered our son! Do you know how serious that is?"
"You would never let them do anything to him."
"How would I even stop them, Satoru?"
"I don't know, but I know you. You would find a way." Satoru simply shrugs, which sounds to him like the most obvious answer, and you don't know if you laugh or cry or his hopes on you. "Which would involve bringing me there."
"Yes, bring my most dangerous weapon: Satoru Gojo." You two chuckle low so you don't wake up Kotaro.
"Nothing will ever happen to you or Kotaro. I won't allow it. Be sure of it."
"They said you have enemies…"
"Who wouldn't dare to lay a finger on one stray of Kotaro's hair. Or yours. Come on, you don't have some faith in me?"
Remembering the amount of energy you felt earlier, you feel a chill pass your body. "I do, 'Toru. I was crazy enough to marry you."
"And would you lose the chance to be the luckiest woman alive?"
"With the most pretentious husband ever." You roll your eyes, feeling happy inside. The earlier one may have scared you. But you know this Satoru, back to his usual pretentious self. 
You get more comfortable in Satoru's lap, your eyes never entirely leaving Kotaro. He looks so peaceful with his eyes closed like that; he is Satoru 100%, except for his eyes. What blame did he have? You vowed to protect and love him as soon as he came out of you, no matter what came after him. And by the looks on Satoru's face, he also does.
Slowly, you can feel your eyes getting heavy as you become more comfortable in Satoru's arms—like a mother, like son. 
"Rest, my love. I will take care of it all. I will never leave you, I promise."
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hysteria-things · 7 months
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please write a story where either chris or matt is veryyyy dominant and can throw the reader around (might sound weird) but like a size difference 🙏
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CAMPSITE
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𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: dom!matt x reader
𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: you feel sex deprived when you go camping with your boyfriend and his brothers for a few days, and you don’t think you can wait any longer.
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: SMUT, swearing, heavy petting, semi-public (?), marking, p in v, degradation, mentions blood, ROUGH
𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1,038
𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: combined these two because they both fit the idea when i was brainstorming! hope you guys like it :)
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“is everybody in?” matt asks as he turns the keys into the golf kart ignition. the boys have a campsite on a campground, and you guys have been going camping every few weeks. it’s summertime, so it’s the perfect weather to do things.
the campground is nice. it’s big with other people’s trailers there, dogs and little kids run around from morning to curfew.
doing activities like this is nice to get away from life for a bit, especially social media. having to text people back can be so exhausting.
a seatbelt clicks behind you. “yup. all ready.” chris says.
the sun is setting, and you hear the weekend band playing in the distance. matt’s driving of course, and you’re in the passenger seat. nick and chris are in the back facing outward.
the music starts to get closer as matt drives down the small hill that leads to the main part of the grounds. there’s a dog park, a horseshoe game setup, a lounge, and a playground/basketball court. the stage is just outside of the lounge and the bathrooms are on the other side.
there’s a fire going in the middle of where the picnic tables are. people from around the campgrounds are either sitting or standing by their golf karts, some dogs barking as well.
kids play on the playground and matt finds a spot to park. rainbow beams flood the air from the stage, the band singing whatever country song they’re playing.
fairy lights hang on the trees above. the four of you get up from the kart, heading closer to the stage. not too close, but close enough to get a better view.
the music is loud, people’s voices echoing through your head. cigarette smoke enters your nostrils and the sounds of beer cans opening flood your ears.
you would think this type of scene isn’t for the triplets and you’re not wrong, but something about being in the wilderness is so calming.
matt wraps his arms around your shoulders, pulling you close and swaying to the music. the only downside of this trip is that you can’t have sex.
not to sound like a fiend, but you get sexually frustrated when you go a few days without it. you bite your lip as you start getting dirty thoughts in your mind, squirming in your boyfriend’s grasp.
“you okay?” he asks, a little loud so you can hear him over the music.
“mhm,” you say with a nod.
you put your hands behind your back, reaching towards matt’s crotch. it’s dark enough that people can’t see what you’re doing, but they’re all distracted anyway. however, you’re so close to his body that people definitely can’t see what you’re doing.
you start to palm his dick through his jeans, and he takes an arm off your shoulder and holds your hand still. “stop.”
obviously, you don’t listen, and you move your hand again. he’s starting to grow at your touch, but grips your hand tighter. “stop.”
you look at him innocently over your shoulder, your hand movements becoming faster on his erection. he groans, thrusting his hips slightly into your palm.
“we’ll be right back,” he says out of nowhere, lifting you over his shoulder since he’s so much bigger than you. he walks away before the other two can say anything, and he doesn’t bother taking the golf kart.
nick and chris stare at each other. “they’re going to fuck.” chris says, taking a sip out of the pepsi that he brought with him.
“oh, yeah.” nick agrees.
the walk back to the trailer feels short as you giggle back. matt’s boner hurts like a bitch as he opens the door and goes into the bedroom, throwing you onto the bed. “think you’re funny, huh?” he says lowly, immediately taking his shirt and jeans off.
you don’t say anything. except you look at him with doe eyes. then, he starts taking off your clothes. you’ve been waiting for this.
his dick springs out when he takes his boxers down, and it does look like it hurts.
he starts to crawl on top of you but then flips over causing you to gasp. you’re now straddling his lap.
you don’t have a chance to react when he grabs your hips and slams you down onto his cock. you whine as you feel him stretch you out completely. you start to bounce slowly, putting your head into his neck to leave kisses.
matt hisses when you bite down, sucking and marking his neck. you repeat that action multiple times, still bouncing painfully slowly.
he sighs annoyingly, flipping you over once again and pulling you closer by the legs before slamming into you immediately at an ungodly pace.
“matt!” you scream, your nails digging into his shoulders. “f-fuck!”
“you think you can tease me and get away with it? think again, sweetheart.”
you whimper, your back arching with each thrust. you repeat his name along with moans and cries of pleasure.
“or is this what you wanted?” he asks, grunting at the sudden pain in his back as you drag your nails when he hits your g-spot suddenly. “i should’ve taken you right then and there so people know what a fucking slut you are.”
“i-i’m—” your cut off when your legs start to shake, your eyes rolling back when the knot in your stomach is close to snapping.
the scratches you’re leaving on matt’s back start to bleed the deeper your nails dig, and he moans at the feeling. “you’re going to make me cum if you keep doing that shit.” he says through gritted teeth, getting close to his orgasm because he knows he’s making you feel this good.
a shaky moan leaves your mouth when you start to cum around his dick. he grunts as he thrusts into you two or three more times before pulling out and cumming on your stomach.
you pant and quiver, a smug smile on your lips. matt turns his back to retrieve your guys’ clothes, and your eyes widen. his back is red, scratches of different shades running down his bare skin. “your back… is fucked up.” you say between pants.
he smirks. “wouldn’t be the first time.”
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𝐭𝐚𝐠 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭!
@bunbunbl0gs @lexisecretaccx @thy-mission @angelic-sturniolos111 @sophssturn @mattsneezing @janiellasblog @blahbel668 @meg-sturniolo @hearts4chris @mattslolita @sturnbaby @imwetforyourmom @tillies33ssss @sturnifyed @mayhem-72 @ripmattitude @p1xieswrld @alorsxsturn @txssvx @sttzee @multiluvr @delilahprentiss @matthewsspecial @idkhowtosleep @sturniolho @suga-daddy-69 @tworosesblackthorn @luckistar-posts
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meowlod · 9 months
Text
arlecchino x fem!reader | mother and father.
(nsfw+trans!arle)
warnings: mentions of having babies, mentions of pregnancy, etc.
Taking care of the children in the Orphanage taken care by ”Father“, you always have been called Mother by the children. They always thought that you‘re the mother, and it makes you feel a little embarrassed. What the Knave say when she comes back from her trip to Snezhnaya and finds out?
“Mama, mama!“ several children call for you. “Where is Father? Mama should never be alone!“ You let out a small sigh, your cheeks burning red. “I..Father is out, okay, my children? She will come back soon.“ You gently tell them, nervously smiling as they continue to call you mama.
You are in the kitchen cleaning the dirty dishes from the children that had eaten earlier, putting the forks and spoons to the correct place. You suddenly heard the door open from the Orphanage, and a familiar face came up running to you.
Furina. What was she doing here? She never came here. It should be something important if she came running to you with a panicked expression. “Hey, hey friend! Ah..this might be so weird to hear from somebody who was once the mighty hydro archon, but..can you please have a talk with the Knave and tell her to stop scaring me?! She always looked so scary and dangerous every time we stared at each other, blehh…“
You sigh and give her a nod. She nods back with a smile and runs out of the orphanage with a small wave before walking out. What was that? She wants you to talk to Arlecchino now? You better hope that she won‘t kill you once you ask her to leave the blue woman alone.
Later, you‘re in the main room playing games with the children after you‘ve done all the dishes. You‘re currently sitting next to a couple children, until you heard a sudden opening noise. The door opens and the children happily shout out to you “Mama, look! Father is back!“
You quickly try to shush the child, but the other children continue to call you mother, right infront of the Knave herself.
”Hmm?“ She stares at you with curiousness, then at the children. Mother? She thought. Having children is something she wouldn‘t mind, especially with you, If she only could. If they call you mother, you must be special to them.
”Father, mama has been waiting for you!“
You get flustered and stand up to greed Arlecchino. ”A—ah..Knave, i‘m glad you‘re back..i‘m sorry, these children won‘t stop calling me mama, or mother..“ Scratching your head, you look away with a shy smile, two children hugging your legs while they stare at Arlecchino.“
“It‘s alright. I suppose you took care of them and they did nothing wrong?“ She asks with her stern, gentle voice, looking into your eyes with her red X pupils. God, they get you scared, but they‘re so pretty.
You chuckle nervously. ”Y—yeah, Knave. The children have been behaving very well. No fighting, no stealing, nothing. They have been extra good today..“
“Ah, that is great.“ From the answer she had gotten, her lips form into a slight smile, and walks past you to her office, patting your shoulder one last time. ”I want you in my room, 1 AM. Don‘t be late.“
Huh? Your eyes widen, cheeks forming a red blush as you stand there flustered. You nod before going into your own room that Arlecchino had given you to rest in. You take off your working skirt and your other clothes to change into your night glown.
Its a few hours until you have to meet the Knave in her room, so you can do anything else before the ”meeting”. You lay down on the bed, turning on your phone and messaging one of your friends who you gossip with everyday.
A few hours later, you forgot about meeting the Knave as you do stuff with your phone. But a message notification pops up on your phone. It‘s Arlecchino.
You click on the notification and it brings you to the chat.
> “You‘re late.“
> ”I‘m sorry! I‘ll come right now.“
You message quickly back before putting your phone on the desk and open the door, walking towards Arlecchino‘s room. You knock, but nobody answers. Every child is asleep and the hallway is dark, where is she? Before you could continue thinking, arms are wrapped around your waist, the person putting you on their shoulder. You were about to scream before the familiar voice calms you down.
”Be quiet, it‘s me.“
It‘s not a kidnapper, thank god. It‘s the Knave who suddenly creeped up behind you and picked you up. But it‘s so dark, how can she see so good? She has good eyes.
“Y—you really scared me..“ you whisper out as you bury your head into her shoulder. ”I forgot to tell you…Furina told me to tell you that you sh—” She doesn‘t like hearing that womans name. Before you can talk, she opens the door of her room and pushes you down onto her bed. You yelp as she does so.
And this is where you ended up at. In her bed, head pushed against the pillow as muffled moans escape from your mouth from Arlecchino‘s cock pounding in and out of you in a quick pace, looking like she wants to make you pregnant, to make babies with you.
“m—mmgh…! mmfh—a—arle..!“
Your muffled words are shushed as she grips your head and pushes it more down to the pillow, her thrusts becoming faster and harder, you feel her hitting your sweet spots.
Her face comes closer to your ear and she whispers, ”You‘re gonna be taking care of my children, my children, aren‘t you, la mia bella ragazzal?“
You moan from her words, and as you expected, after her last powerful thrust, she squirts inside you, hot cum slowly starting to drip out of your hole after she pulled her dick out, it being still hard.
She flips you around and grips your chin before giving you a aggressive kiss, her other hand moving to one of your breasts, squishing it.
The hand slowly moves down to her cock, gripping it then guiding it against your messy hole once again, getting ready to push it in.
“I‘m not done with you yet, i‘m going to make you a great, lovely mother, la mia adorabile ragazza.“
You‘re not going to feel your legs tomorrow, but she‘s going to take care of you.
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iamgonnagetyouback · 13 days
Text
𝟷.𝟷𝚔 || 𝐀𝐖𝐊𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐃 𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐒
♡ ︎ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: When James stays quiet, too quiet, on your first date, unwelcome thoughts start clouding your mind.
♡ ︎ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: Angst with a happy ending, Reader overthinking
♡ ︎ꜱʜɪᴘ: James Potter x fem!reader
♡ ꜱᴏɴɢ: You are in love (Taylor's version) by Taylor Swift
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The day you asked James out had been one of those moments where your heart felt like it might jump right out of your chest. You were prepared for rejection, especially since you'd spent years by his side, watching him pine after Lily. But recently… something had shifted. He wasn’t staring at her in class anymore, his jokes about her had ceased, and most of all, he was spending more time with you—closer, warmer. Maybe you were imagining things, but you couldn’t shake the thought that he might finally be over her.
So, you'd asked him out. With shaking hands and a half-terrified smile, you’d blurted out an offer for dinner. And to your utter shock, James had blinked, cheeks flushing a light pink, and mumbled, “Uh… okay, yeah, I’d love that.”
And now, here you were, sitting across from him at a small booth in The Three Broomsticks, tapping your fingers nervously against the wooden table. James was quiet. Too quiet.
You shifted in your seat, trying to make conversation. “So, um… have you finished that Transfiguration essay McGonagall assigned?” It was a safe topic, schoolwork—something you two could always talk about. But his response was short.
“Yeah. Finished it last night.”
“Oh. Cool,” you replied, your voice trailing off.
You tapped your fingers again. James Potter never stopped talking. Silence wasn’t his thing. Which meant that he was uncomfortable. Which meant that this was a disaster. A pit formed in your stomach as you tried again.
“What about Quidditch? You excited for the next match?”
“Yeah, should be fun,” he answered, eyes flicking up to meet yours briefly before darting away. He was fidgeting with the sleeve of his sweater, his knee bouncing beneath the table as he occasionally glanced outside as if he wanted to escape.
Panic bloomed in your chest. He didn’t want to be here. You were terrible. He didn’t like you back. He was probably still hung up on Lily, and he was just too nice to say no.
“I—um—James…” Your voice cracked as you reached for your purse, fingers trembling. You stood up abruptly, trying to hold back the tears that were burning at the corners of your eyes. “You know what? It’s fine. You didn’t have to agree to this out of pity. I get it. I mean, I know you’re still… still hung up on Lily, and I probably just made this really weird, and—”
“Wait, what?” James shot up from his seat, nearly knocking over his butterbeer in the process. His eyes were wide, panicked. “No, no, no, wait, you’ve got it all wrong!”
But you were already rambling, words spilling out in a jumble as you tried to explain how you understood, how he didn’t have to pretend. “It’s fine, really. I shouldn’t have asked. You don’t have to feel guilty or anything. I know you’re probably—”
“Stop! Please, just—just sit down for a second, okay?” James’s voice was more urgent now, his hands reaching out as if to physically stop you from leaving.
You hesitated, your heart racing, before you reluctantly sat back down. “James, it’s okay, really, I—”
“It’s not okay,” he interrupted, his voice quieter now, softer. His hazel eyes were full of something—something raw and nervous and real. “You’ve got it all wrong. I’m not… I’m not hung up on Lily.”
Your heart stumbled at his words. “What?”
“I don’t like Lily anymore,” James said, running a hand through his messy hair in frustration. “I mean, I did for a long time, but that’s… that’s not where my head is now. I like you.”
The words hung in the air between you, heavy and confusing. “You… like me?”
He nodded, his cheeks turning pink again as he looked down at his hands. “Yeah. And that’s why I’ve been so nervous. I don’t know what to say, and I didn’t want to mess this up, and now I’ve gone and made you think I don’t want to be here, which is the furthest thing from the truth.”
You stared at him, processing his confession. “You’re… nervous?”
James let out a huff of laughter, looking a little self-deprecating. “Yeah. I’m never nervous. Except… except with you. Because this actually matters to me. You matter to me.”
Your heart skipped a beat, the earlier hurt and insecurity slowly melting away as his words sank in. He was nervous because he liked you. Not because he didn’t want to be here.
“Oh,” you whispered, feeling a bit ridiculous for jumping to conclusions. “I thought you were… you know, regretting this.”
James shook his head quickly. “No. Not at all. I just… don’t really know how to do this, apparently.”
A small laugh escaped your lips despite the lingering tears. “You’re usually so smooth.”
“Yeah, well, you make me lose all my smoothness,” he said, a lopsided grin finally breaking across his face, though it was still tinged with nervousness.
You felt your shoulders relax for the first time that evening. “You don’t have to be nervous around me, James. We’ve been best friends for years.”
“I know,” he said quietly, his eyes locking onto yours with a softness that made your heart ache in the best way. “But this is different.”
It was different. And maybe that was okay.
“Maybe this whole diner thing isn’t for us,” James suggested after a beat of silence. “Too fancy, don’t you think?”
You chuckled, the sound a little watery. “Maybe.”
“Come on,” he said, standing up and offering you his hand. “Let’s go for a walk. I talk better when I’m moving.”
You smiled, taking his hand, and let him pull you up. As you walked out of the diner and into the cool night air, the tension between you melted away. James started talking—about everything and nothing, rambling on like his usual self. And with each word, you felt the warmth between you grow, the awkwardness fading into something much more familiar, much more comforting.
And as you walked side by side, listening to James fill the quiet with his endless chatter, you couldn’t help but smile. This was what you’d always wanted. Him, you, and all the things that came with it.
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vaspider · 7 months
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Look. A little advice.
Once you get to a certain amount of Known on the internet or a subsection of it, or even in a subsection of a RL group of people, there are going to be people who will make up a version of you which exists only in their heads and which has absolutely nothing to do with who you are. It might better resemble who you were twenty years ago or it might never have had anything to do at all with who you were then or are now.
You cannot stop this. You cannot prevent this. Once you get a certain number of followers or a certain amount of attention, that's going to happen: people will make up stories about you which either look through a fun-house mirror at some small aspect of who you are and twist it and blow it up until it doesn't resemble you at all, or which just have absolutely no basis in fact whatsoever.
This is just another kind of parasocial relationship; it's the kind which really sucks to deal with, because it's so negative and so pervasive. It's very real, and the frustration you feel about it is very real. Nobody wants to be known incorrectly.
But. You can't control this. It's gonna happen. No matter what you say, no matter how precisely you say it, the people who want to misinterpret you will find a way to do so. This doesn't mean 'don't pay attention to what you say,' or 'don't be purposeful and precise with your language,' but it does mean 'don't obsess over the people who are determined to get you wrong.'
You can be the most anodyne, run-of-the-mill, unremarkable human being, and the people who are determined to hate you will find something that they can point to and say 'ha ha! I told you that Spider danced with the devil at midnight! I witnessed it myself!' (It will not help the situation if you are, say, self-admittedly stubborn as fuck, long-winded, and sometimes kinda fucking obnoxious, but please realize that in the end, it doesn't really matter. This is gonna happen no matter what.)
The people who matter will look at what's being said, wrinkle up their foreheads, and say, 'uh, man, it looks like Spider was actually playing with his dog at 9 am?'
That said, if you don't have elephant-thick skin from being a marginalized-gender human being who's been on the internet since before the web had pictures, there are some things you can do to make it easier when people making things up about you starts to get on your nerves:
Establish protocols for when it becomes too much: have someone read your messages, turn off your notifications, have time where you purposefully disengage.
Establish protocols for how you interact, period: "I will block people without guilt if they engage positively with the people who spread untruths about me." "I will answer everything in public so people can't lie about what I said, because it's right there in public." "I will not answer work-related stuff in DMs, that has to go to the work email." Whatever it is, create some boundaries for yourself. Stick to them. The people who push you to bend them aren't doing that for your benefit but theirs.
If you get someone who really hits your Weirdo Alarm, trust it. Yeah, block and report, but also, take screenshots and store them somewhere that isn't easily erased. I have an 'Internet Weirdos' folder, which makes it a little easier to deal with when people start doing things like 'making threats of physical harm to me and my family.' Don't fuss, just take a screenshot and chuck it in the folder. Having that record makes it easier to just forget that it ever happened, because you have a paper trail if anybody starts doing something Real Weird.
Spend time offline, with people who do actually know you.
Don't get lost in the version of you that someone else makes up in order to make up for the shit that's missing in their own life. You aren't required to play the part that someone else is trying to script for you. It is never to your benefit, only to theirs; you gain nothing by standing in that role for them, and you lose precious seconds of your one irreplaceable life.
You could be using those seconds to look at this video of how to pick up a duck, which I think we can all agree is a better investment of your time.
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gremlingottoosilly · 2 months
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Cannot stop thinking about burglar!reader accidentally going into the wrong cabin/house in a small town she’s passing though and stumbling across Königs place and being caught. Of course he won’t call the police maus, why would he want to get his new little maid into trouble
(Couldn't decide if I wanted to go with a slasher!Konig and something like "Don't breathe", so take this weird mix) Konig might be a early retired colonel, who only goes on very high-paying missions and mostly goes around shooting bears for sport, but he is not going to pass on the opportunity to snag a pretty little thing just because she is desperately trying to escape his house. Now, a pretty girl like you shouldn't go around stealing things from small houses in the tiny Austrian village he bought property in. Didn't you know it's mostly old people here? Occasional tourists and hotels, sure, but it's still a pretty shitty thing to do. Deserves a few dozens smack on your pretty perky butt that hangs from the inner part of the window, stuck under the opening part. He was never more excited to train a pretty thing into a good, honest member of society. He asks what you were even trying to steal from him. You whimper, your voice strained from all the crying and moaning him and his relentless edging put you through. It was an obvious mistake at your part - you wanted to barge into the line of recently bought Airbnb units, to cash on some drunk tourists's belongings - but you got too greedy, deciding to rob the biggest house on the street. You thought Konig wasn't inside - you thought the place was abandoned, just like all the years ago. Oh, but Konig is going to enjoy being inside of you. He just took a major payout for the recent mission, and isn't going back in the field for a good few months. Perfect timing. Oh, you're saying that he is a deranged psycho who won't get away with keeping you inside, tucked and fucked away? He would be more than happy to just sell your ass to the police. Maybe, the prison would be softer on you than he is. If you're willing to take this chance, he could send you off...but at this point, you're kinda too addicted to the feeling of his embrace to even consider it. Besides, it's all bluff anyway. He won't let go of his pretty wife so easily, you cook too good.
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webbluvrsugar · 28 days
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hii! i love your work <3
i was wondering if i could request a fic w post-prison spencer meeting a new recruit!reader? like they've heard so many good things abt how he's the team's genius + reader's like a burst of sunshine for spence who just got out of prison and is feeling kinda jaded but the reader fully hypes him up and compliments him like crazy.
feel free to ignore if you don't want to write it! tyty! 🤍
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a/n: that is literally sooo cute! Of course! Here you go luv, made it a little bit angsty but I hope you still like it!
PART TWO.
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You’re anxious to meet him, you’ve been working on the team for just a few weeks and now, they finally told you that the BAU genius is coming back — they didn’t specify why he’s gone but all you know is that he’s the smartest person you’ll ever know and that you must make a good impression.
“Relax, he’ll like you.” JJ reassures you, one hand smoothing down your shoulder as she stands next to you, the rest of the team is standing in a line to greet him and surprisingly, they trusted you with the task to give him a small gift basket, assorted things like books you’ve never seen before, multiple brands of coffee, a new mug and other stuff they told you he’d like.
“Who wouldn’t? She’s a walking unicorn.” Morgan jokes, the smirk on his face cracks a smile on yours, and when you all hear the ring of the elevator, you stand in silence.
Spencer walks in, slightly surprised with the whole ‘ceremony’ the team put on, the office lights blasting at his eyes before they go down to the pretty thing in the center holding a basket, he says a little “Hi.” and you’re immediately reaching forward, presenting yourself to him.
“I’ve heard a lot of things about you, great things, I mean, I’m just so impressed by your work and I think your way of thinking is just brilliant, I mean, that case in Seattle was so hard to crack and you — you did it in a breeze!” You smile, he slightly smiles back awkwardly, Morgan’s smile widens, after all that time, he’s still the weird nerd people remember. “The team put up this basket for you, I picked things you might like, I didn’t know what brand of coffee you’d like so here’s a bunch of them and there’s also… mugs. Multiple. Ceramic.”
Spencer stands silently, nodding towards you and taking the basket before he nods at the team, walking away to his office. You’re dumbfounded, staring up at the others with a sad frown on your face.
“What—“ you sigh. “What happened? Did I do anything wrong?” You ask, a sad smile peering through your lips.
“Listen, kid, he’s just going through a tough time right now.” Rossi responds, it does nothing to soothe the slight ache in your heart, excitement fading away as fast as it came. “I’m sure he’ll like you.” He adds, doing his best to comfort you. “Was just a tad bit much.”
You stare at Spencer through the window at his office before looking back at the team. “I’m sure he will.” You try to stay optimistic, it’s the best thing you know how to do.
When you look back at Spencer, he’s fumbling around the basket, investigating the books with his long fingers, opening one in his hands and gliding through the pages.
Maybe he will like you after all.
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