#might delete later so it doesn't take up space

[sapphire-heart-tippy]

Me: I'm some kind of trans masc nonbinary/genderqueer/androgyne person

Person: So I use "she" for you because you're one of those quirky girls

Me: no, I'm a trans masculine androgyne person

Person: Oh so you're a fully transitioned trans man with a big beard who looks cis and passes fully

Me: Uh no, I haven't medically transitioned yet and the only thing I want done is top surgery

Person: So you're still just one of those quirky lesbian girls?

Me: Actually I'm only attracted to men and other masc-

Person: Oh so a straight girl

Me: I'm not a man or a woman. I'm outside of the binary. Nonbinary, think of me as a nonbinary person

Person: So a quirky girl, I already said that

Me:

[autistichalsin]

In retrospect, four years later, I feel like the Isabel Fall incident was just the biggest ignored cautionary tale modern fandom spaces have ever had. Yes, it wasn't limited to fandom, it was also a professional author/booktok type argument, but it had a lot of crossover.

Stop me if you've heard this one before: a writer, whether fan or pro, publishes a work. If one were to judge a book by its cover, something we are all taught in Kindergarten shouldn't happen but has a way of occurring regardless, one might find that there was something that seemed deeply problematic about this work. Maybe the title or summary alluded to something Wrong happening, or maybe the tags indicated there was problematic kinks or relationships. And that meant the story was Bad. So, a group of people takes to the Twittersphere to inform everyone who will listen why the work, and therefore the author, are Bad. The author, receiving an avalanche of abuse and harassment, deactivates their account, and checks into a mental health facility for monitoring for suicidal ideation. They never return to their writing space, and the harassers get a slap on the wrist (if that- usually they get praise and high-fives all around) and start waiting for their next victim to transgress.

Sounds awful familiar, doesn't it?

Isabel Fall's case, though, was even more extreme for many reasons. See, she made the terrible mistake of using a transphobic meme as the genesis to actually explore issues of gender identity.

More specifically, she used the phrase "I sexually identify as an attack helicopter" to examine how marginalized identities, when they become more accepted, become nothing more than a tool for the military-industrial complex to rebrand itself as a more personable and inclusive atrocity; a chance to pursue praise for bombing brown children while being progressive, because queer people, too, can help blow up brown children now! It also contained an examination of identity and how queerness is intrinsic to a person, etc.

But... well, if harassers ever bothered to read the things they critique, we wouldn't be here, would we? So instead, they called Isabel a transphobic monster for the title alone, even starting a misinformation campaign to claim she was, in fact, a cis male nazi using a fake identity to psyop the queer community.

A few days later, after days of horrific abuse and harassment, Isabel requested that Clarkesworld magazine pull the story. She checked in to a psych ward with suicidal thoughts. That wasn't all, though; the harassment was so bad that she was forced to out herself as trans to defend against the claims.

Only... we know this type of person, the fandom harassers, don't we? You know where this is going. Outing herself did nothing to stop the harassment. No one was willing to read the book, much less examine how her sexuality and gender might have influenced her when writing it.

So some time later, Isabel deleted her social media. She is still alive, but "Isabel Fall" is not- because the harassment was so bad that Isabel detransitioned/closeted herself, too traumatized to continue living her authentic life.

Supposed trans allies were so outraged at a fictional portrayal of transness, written by a trans woman, that they harassed a real life trans woman into detransitioning.

It's heartbreakingly familiar, isn't it? Many of us in fandom communities have been in Isabel's shoes, even if the outcome wasn't so extreme (or in some cases, when it truly was). Most especially, many of us, as marginalized writers speaking from our own experiences in some way, have found that others did not enjoy our framework for examining these things, and hurt us, members of those identities, in defense of "the community" as a nebulous undefined entity.

There's a quote that was posted in a news writeup about the whole saga that was published a year after the fact. The quote is:

The delineation between paranoid and reparative readings originated in 1995, with influential critic Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick. A paranoid reading focuses on what’s wrong or problematic about a work of art. A reparative reading seeks out what might be nourishing or healing in a work of art, even if the work is flawed. Importantly, a reparative reading also tends to consider what might be nourishing or healing in a work of art for someone who isn’t the reader. This kind of nuance gets completely worn away on Twitter, home of paranoid readings. “[You might tweet], ‘Well, they didn’t discuss X, Y, or Z, so that’s bad!’ Or, ‘They didn’t’ — in this case — ‘discuss transness in a way that felt like what I feel about transness, therefore it is bad.’ That flattens everything into this very individual, very hostile way of reading,” Mandelo says. “Part of reparative reading is trying to think about how a story cannot do everything. Nothing can do everything. If you’re reading every text, fiction, or criticism looking for it to tick a bunch of boxes — like if it represents X, Y, and Z appropriately to my definitions of appropriate, and if it’s missing any of those things, it’s not good — you’re not really seeing the close focus that it has on something else.”

A paranoid reading describes perfectly what fandom culture has become in the modern times. It is why "proship", once simply a word for common sense "don't engage with what you don't like, and don't harass people who create it either" philosophies, has become the boogeyman of fandom, a bad and dangerous word. The days of reparative readings, where you would look for things you enjoyed, are all but dead. Fiction is rarely a chance to feel joy; it's an excuse to get angry, to vitriolically attack those different from oneself while surrounded with those who are the same as oneself. It's an excuse to form in-groups and out-groups that must necessarily be in a constant state of conflict, lest it come across like This side is accepting That side's faults. In other words, fandom has become the exact sort of space as the nonfandom spaces it used to seek to define itself against.

It's not about joy. It's not about resonance with plot or characters. It's about hate. It's about finding fault. If they can't find any in the story, they will, rest assured, create it by instigating fan wars- dividing fandom into factions and mercilessly attacking the other.

And that's if they even went so far as to read the work they're critiquing. The ones they don't bother to read, as you saw above, fare even worse. If an AO3 writer tagged an abuser/victim ship, it's bad, it's fetishism, even if the story is about how the victim escapes. If a trans writer uses the title "I Sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter" to find a framework to dissect rainbow-washing the military-industrial complex, it's unforgivable. It's a cesspool of kneejerk reactions, moralizing discomfort, treating good/evil as dichotomous categories that can never be escaped, and using that complex as an excuse to heap harassment on people who "deserve it." Because once you are Bad, there is no action against you that is too Bad for you to deserve.

Isabel Fall's story follows this so step-by-step that it's like a textbook case study on modern fandom behavior.

Isabel Fall wrote a short story with an inflammatory title, with a genesis in transphobic mockery, in the hopes of turning it into a genuine treatise on the intersection of gender and sexuality and the military-industrial complex. But because audiences are unprepared for the idea of inflammatory rhetoric as a tool to force discomfort to then force deeper introspection... they zeroed in on the discomfort. "I Sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter"- the title phrase, not the work- made them uncomfortable. We no longer teach people how to handle discomfort; we live in a world of euphemism and glossing over, a world where people can't even type out the words "kill" and rape", instead substituting "unalive" and "grape." We don't deal with uncomfortable feelings anymore; we censor them, we transform them, we sanitize them. When you are unable to process discomfort, when you are never given self-soothing tools, your only possible conclusion is that anything Uncomfortable must be Bad, and the creator must either be censored too, or attacked into conformity so that you never again experience the horrors of being Uncomfortable.

So the masses took to Twitter, outraged. They were Uncomfortable, and that de facto meant that they had been Wronged. Because the content was related to trans identity issues, that became the accusation; it was transphobic, inherently. It couldn't be a critique of bigger and more fluid systems than gender identity alone; it was a slight against trans people. And no amount of explanations would change their minds now, because they had already been aggrieved and made to feel Uncomfortable.

Isabel Fall was now a Bad Person, and we all know what fandom spaces do to Bad People. Bad People, because they are Bad, will always be deserving of suicide bait and namecalling and threatening. Once a person is Bad, there is no way to ever become Good again. Not by refuting the accusations (because the accusations are now self-evident facts; "there is a callout thread against them" is its own tautological proof that wrongdoing has happened regardless of the veracity of the claims in the callout) and not by apologizing and changing, because if you apologize and admit you did the Bad thing, you are still Bad, and no matter what you do in future, you were once Bad and that needs to be brought up every time you are mentioned. If you are bad, you can NEVER be more than what you were at your worst (in their definition) moment. Your are now ontologically evil, and there is no action taken against you that can be immoral.

So Isabel was doomed, naturally. It didn't matter that she outed herself to explain that she personally had lived the experience of a trans woman and could speak with authority on the atrocity of rainbow-washing the military industrial complex as a proaganda tool to capture progressives. None of it mattered. She had written a work with an Uncomfortable phrase for a title, the readers were Uncomfortable, and someone had to pay for it.

And that's the key; pay for it. Punishment. Revenge. It's never about correcting behavior. Restorative justice is not in this group's vocabulary. You will, incidentally, never find one of these folks have a stance against the death penalty; if you did Bad as a verb, you are Bad as an intrinsic, inescapable adjective, and what can you do to incorrigible people but kill them to save the Normal people? This is the same principle, on a smaller scale, that underscores their fandom activities; if a Bad fan writes Bad fiction, they are a Bad person, and their fandom persona needs to die to save Normal fans the pain of feeling Uncomfortable.

And that's what happened to Isabel Fall. The person who wrote the short story is very much alive, but the pseudonym of Isabel Fall, the identity, the lived experiences coming together in concert with imagination to form a speculative work to critique deeply problematic sociopolitical structures? That is dead. Isabel Fall will never write again, even if by some miracle the person who once used the name does. Even if she ever decides to restart her transition, she will be permanently scarred by this experience, and will never again be able to share her experience with us as a way to grow our own empathy and challenge our understanding of the world. In spirit, but not body, fandom spaces murdered Isabel Fall.

And that's... fandom, anymore. That's just what is done, routinely and without question, to Bad people. Good people are Good, so they don't make mistakes, and they never go too far when dealing with Bad people. And Bad people, well, they should have thought before they did something Bad which made them Bad people.

Isabel Fall's harassment happened in early 2020, before quarantine started, but it was in so many ways a final chance for fandom to hit the breaks. A chance for fandom to think collectively about what it wanted to be, who it wanted to be for and how it wanted to do it. And fandom looked at this and said, "more, please." It continues to harass marginalized people, especially fans of color and queen fans, into suffering mental breakdowns. With gusto.

Any ideas of reparative reading is dead. Fandom runs solely on paranoid readings. And so too is restorative justice gone for fandom transgressions, real or imagined. It is now solely about punitive, vigilante justice. It's a concerted campaign to make sure oddballs conform or die (in spirit, but sometimes even physically given how often mentally ill individuals are pushed into committing suicide).

It's a deeply toxic environment and I'm sad to say that Isabel Fall's story was, in retrospect, a sort of event horizon for the fandom. The gravitational pull of these harassment campaigns is entirely too strong now and there is no escaping it. I'm sorry, I hate to say something so bleak, but thinking the last few days about the state of fandom (not just my current one but also others I watch from the outside), I just don't think we can ever go back to peaceful "for joy" engagement, not when so many people are determined to use it as an outlet for lateral aggression against other people.

[sulumuns-dootah]

Taking the WHB demons (+ angels) to the Zoo

⟡ Masterlist ⟡ 

A/N: It's my b-day! And as a treat to myself I went to visit a local Zoo so ofc I'll write about how our demons (+ angels) would behave if they got to go too! ^^

Characters: All of the demons + the Seraphs

   ༺☆༻

With Satan in your group, you don't have to worry about being suffocated in a crowd of people. In a true Satan fashion, they all get a healthy dose of his boots to their behinds if they get even remotely close. And no, children are not safe from him.

Sitri is the snacks and drinks provider. No need to buy overpriced slushies and ice-cream when as soon as you get a craving, something sweet is being handed to you.

As unathletic as Leraye is, you'll see him speedwalking from an enclosure to enclosure. Oh, but if the Zoo has a tropical house with storm sounds for the immersive ambiance? Good luck getting him out of there.

Paimon takes photos of everything and anything. Every few enclosures has to take a break to pick out the best photos and delete the rest to clear out space for more.

Interestingly, Belial - or moreso Jjyu is really quiet. Maybe because someone told him that if he doesn't learn his manners, he might end up as food for one of the animals. This also might be the first time Belial has had such peace and quiet since he first got Jjyu.

Please, tell Astaroth to keep his snake at home in advance. The last thing anyone wants is to argue with the staff that it's really his snake and that he didn't steal it.

You barely notice Zagan even being there. Well, if he didn't leave his talismans everywhere, that is. Despite being practically expresionless, you can see him softly smile while watching animals do something cute.

Ppyong acts like a toddler. In the beginning he'll fly around all excited, happily exclaiming at the actions of the animals. Then he gets all tired and whiny, so Zagan someone has to carry him around. Once he's all rested up, it's back to square one

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"Oh, that's you favorite animal? M'kay, gimme a second to look up how much it costs." - Mammon

"Look at them, all they do is lay around and do nothing and we still have to pay to see them!" - Bimet

Eligos nearly buy out the plushies in the souvenir shop. Can't balme him, tho, they're usually super cute (and expensive x.x).

Do you feel guilty for dragging everyone around just to see your favorite animals? Valerfor is more than happy to be dragged around! Just give him enough time to read the info plaque so the two of you can have an interesting convo later.

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Oh boy is it hard to get Leviathan to come with you. And honestly, I wouldn't recommend at all. The people make him anxious and the fact that the animals get all of your attention instead of him? How he wishes he could hang them all.

Foras is probably the best Hades noble to visit with. He's eager to see all the animals the place has to offer. Also doesn't mind being dragged around.

Scheduling tip: make sure the day is overcast. If it's rainy, Barbatos will refuse to go anywhere. If it's sunny, there's no way you can keep his clothes on and with all the kids around... yikes.

Glasyalabolas will hang around the predators and vultures. If he's not there, he's probably about, scaring unattended children.

A Zoo is an amazing place to release Orias back into the wilderness. Just let him loose to disappear amongst all the other children at the playground. There's a chance that some unfortunate parent will mistake him for their own kid and take him home.

   ༺☆༻

Beelzebub is excited to try out all the food at the food court/restaurant within the Zoo. If there's a queue, he'll just walk up to the front. In such case is handy to have Satan with you to kick everyone out of the way.

Our poor Bael tries to coordinate the whole trip with you. The whole time he's holding an itinerary with time spans that you can spend on certain sections so you can catch as much commented feedings as possible.

Stolas has you to stop at every stall with snacks. So what, Sitri has a whole bag of them? Those he can have anytime, but these are only available at the Zoo (they're not)

The only one who's allowed to tour the Zoo on his own, separate from the group is Naberius, because nobody's willing to stop at every enclosure so he can read the plaques and commit them to memory. The only ones he avoids are canines bc they count as his family or smth and he hates to see them caged.

Oh lord the amount of times you've accidentally left Amon behind because he fell asleep while sitting somewhere in shade on a bench. Only once Beel returns from his food tasting will Amon stick with the group, so he can spend time by his side.

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Similar to Glasyalabolas, Ronove likes to hang around vultures and animals known to scare people. If there's a night exhibition, he'd also enjoy that. Partially because when people get startled when they enter a room and see him just silently standing there.

Phenix is kinda a hard one. Obviously, in their state it's difficult to go out anywhere in the human world. They agree, so they're content wiht just seeing Paimon's photos.

Another demon, who better be left at home is Dantalian. Sure, he can pass as a human, but you'd have to have him on a leash or keep an eye on him constantly. The moment he's out of your sight, he'll just try to get into an enclosure of some dangerous animal.

   ༺☆༻

Taking out Belphegor could be actually funny. Get him a wheelchair and take turns witht he rest of your group pushing him around. Just make sure to not leave him anywhere, just like Amon.

Beleth loves the house of felines. He's the exact opposite of Naberius. He's aware how endangered some large cat breeds are and he's happy to see some of his nearly extinct relatives safely protected.

Our floor gremlin Gusion has the answer to every question you might have about an animal. How? He's literally looking at the plaque rn. (*tired side-eye*)

A trip? Bathin very much cuncurs. Actually, why even go to a local Zoo when you can go to the one at the other side of the country? But don't get surprised if he gets a bit too excited iykwim.

Andrealphus spends most of the time in an area dedicated to bees and showcasing beekeeping. (my zoo has it and it's super adorable) Most of the animal enclosures have a stench to them and the pollinating flowers are so soothing to him. Also there's something about the constant buzzing that helps calm his mind.

As long as Belphegor doesn't go, Agares is happy to join you. He's taken over his country and now he would like to take over your attention? Not happening. It's either him or Belphie.

And as a loyal servant, Vassago refuses to go anywhere if his king is not going either. If you end up going with these two, however, I would avoid commented feeding since they could technicaly count as a speech.

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Being there since the begining, Lucifer's seen all the animals on earth as they were made by God, so he doesn't really see a reason to go to a Zoo, but eventually agrees to go when the others keep talking about it.

Morax is the best demon to take with you. All animals tend to naturally flock to him and so whenever you approach an enclosure, the animal will walk as close to him as it can, giving you the best view and if it's safe to, you can even pet it.

Big cat lover no.2 AKA Marbas! Will wait unti it's the cats' feeding time and then just watch as they tear their meal apart (it's usually a whole dead rabbit from what I've seen).

Buer would much more preffer a quiet getaway to maybe do some yoga or meditation, but nobody really asks him. As long as it makes you happy, he's happy to tag along. You'll probably find him later on with Adrealphus in the bee field.

Ooh, Gamigin loves snakes! They remind him of dragons (notice how he doesn't think they're related). "Wow, look at that one! I was that size when I was about 1000 years old!"

   ༺☆༻

Gabriel will most definitely decline your invitation to come along from the get go, so here's what you do: instead of a trip to a Zoo, you tell him that you're going a place where humans celebrate all the different types of God's creations. If he actually endures the whole schebang is a whole different question, though.

Been there, seen the animals before. Michael isn't interested in going anywhere where humans congregate. Though, it would make wiping them out easier.

Raphael is actually happy to go along with you. The whole experience is like reading a book witht he author's commentary. "Oh, that one was my idea. Can you tell?", "Yeah, I was telling Michael that it was a bad idea, but he wouldn't listen.", "Ahah, that one is scary to you? Gabriel made that one!"

[copperbadge]

What do you mean by digital cleaning?

It's something I've been working on more this year because I had a bit more travel than usual so couldn't do actual home cleaning, but I always take a couple of days in the Month Of Cleaning where I'm focused on my digital life. It's good to make your physical home a comfortable place for yourself, but it's also good to recognize that we have "digital" homes that need attention. And often this is at least less physically demanding, so it's good to keep it in your back pocket for days when you're mentally okay but physically too tired or sore to do more of that kind of work.

In the shortest possible terms, digital cleaning is just making sure that your phone, computer, socials, and other digital "presences" are organized in a way that you find helpful, and that you take a moment to either answer those messages you've been putting off or give yourself amnesty on doing so.

This tends to make a lot of people extremely anxious in a way ordinary physical space cleaning doesn't, so I'm going to put the rest of it behind a cut...

So when I say digital cleaning, I refer to stuff like going through my likes on Tumblr and clearing them out, going through my drafts and turning them into queued posts, answering my asks. I spend time in my email inboxes, either responding to messages or removing them. I am not an "inbox zero" kind of guy, but I like to keep the read-but-not-answered messages to a minimum, and towards the end of the year that usually means a clear-out and amnesty. I clean my Google Drive -- delete old files I uploaded for others, move documents I'm no longer using into an archive, move documents I want to work on into a central work folder. I go through my catch-all folder on my hard drive and organize it; I sort through the year's photos and organize those, partly to archive them and partly because I make a scrapbook from them each year. I don't usually have a ton of tabs open but often have more than I'd like, so I go through them all and either read, bookmark, or get rid of them.

I look in my phone's file tree to make sure I delete files I don't need (mostly menu downloads, Restaurants Stop Making Your Menus PDFs Challenge 2K24) and I sometimes go through each app on my phone, make sure I still use it, and make sure it's set how I want it. If this sounds like a nightmare, bear in mind that I very rarely put apps on my phone to start with -- I think my mother has more apps open at any given time than I have apps on my phone ever.

Everywhere I clean, I look for files named things like "notes" or "deal with" or "random" and move them all into one place so that whatever is in them, I can sort through it and make sure it goes somewhere permanent. Logins go in the login/password spreadsheet I keep, addresses go into my contacts, story notes go into a "fiction scraps" file, random thoughts either get moved into a journal file or put into drafts to become Tumblr posts, etc.

If this sounds like I might have some kind of compulsion disorder, I get that; when I explain my digital hygiene systems a lot of people look at me like I'm spouting a mad but harmless conspiracy theory. But it's something I used to have to do periodically even before I created National Clean Your Home Month, because otherwise I could never find anything, and everything was just...harder. As I once told a boss who admired my organizational skills, "It was this or endless chaos."

Putting addresses into my contacts list means I always know that the addresses I have for my friends are up to date. Putting logins into a spreadsheet means that five minutes spent now will not result in five weeks of procrastination later because I can't find the login and can't do anything else until I do that. Going through my email and archiving old conversations means not only can I find them easily when needed, I don't have to look at them the rest of the time. Sometimes I even go through my various wish lists and remove old/purchased items, or clear out all my "save for later" carts.

There's no doubt this is stressful, but like every part of NaClYoHo, it's broken down into smaller tasks; I don't have to look at my computer and organize everything on it all in one day. I can answer a few asks, then sort photos (something I find very soothing up until the moment I Don't), then read and delete some emails, then I'm done for the day. I can spread "answer or file all your work emails" out over a couple of days. I can maybe empty out my Likes but just turn the ones I actually want to reblog into drafts for now and deal with them later in the "drafts" phase of cleaning. And if I don't manage to empty out my inboxes, at least they're emptier than they were.

I'm struggling this morning with having put a bunch of physical cleaning on the to-do list but not feeling physically up for it, so I did what I felt capable of doing (measuring cabinets for new shelf liners mainly) and later today I might sit down and start building this year's photobook. Or not -- I have to code Radio Free Monday, sort out a prescription and possibly go pick it up, plus a very full day of work and a couple of afternoon appointments I can't shirk, so today may simply be a "get through the day" kind of day. That's okay too; some days the spirit is willing but the schedule is full.

[stellaluna33]

Sometimes I wonder if Rory had any pictures of Jess from when they were together. He doesn't seem like he'd show up for school picture day, and he just comes across as the sort of person who would get grouchy about his photo being taken, so if she DID have any photos of him, I imagine they'd be candid shots she had to sneak when he wasn't looking, or a background figure lurking in the corner of photos taken of other people (or blurry shots of him glaring at the camera). And there's something so heartbreaking about that to me, the idea that when he left, she might have been left without a trace of him to hold onto. That he was always elusive, always slipping out of her grasp, ephemeral as a wisp of smoke. What trace of his existence did he even leave behind? Some notes in the margins of her books? A few blurry snapshots? Barely enough to prove his existence, as if he was some sort of cryptid? Had he even been there at all? Had he EVER been hers?

Conversely, what if there were photos of him that she never got to SEE until AFTER he'd already left? Back then, before digital photography, you couldn't see the pictures you took right after you took them, unless you had a Polaroid camera. A roll of film would have about 25 spaces on it (more or less), and you wouldn't see ANY of them until you finished the entire roll and got them developed. And you couldn't delete them individually either. And if you didn't take pictures very often, or waited too long before taking the film to get developed, it was entirely possible to forget what was even in there. It might have been summer (or later!) and she might have been trying to banish him from her mind, and then suddenly she'd come across it in that stack of unrelated photographs- some picture of Jess she'd taken after he'd fallen asleep on the couch one day in Luke's apartment.

And I'm not sure which of these would feel worse.

[cyber-phobia]

Hello! I need help looking for a fic, this is a long ask so sorry about that! I'm really desperate to find this fic so I wanna give out as many details as I can remember.

Even if it's deleted it would help a lot of any of you at least had a name or author, as I can try and search for an archive.

Here are some warnings just in case:

// Suicide mentions, child abandonment mentions

I don't exactly remember how the fic started, but I remember that Inko is neglectful in this fic. Hisashi goes to America bc of Izuku's quirklessness, and while he and Inko stay married, as they still love each other, he just wants nothing to do with Izuku. Inko stays but after a while Hisashi starts sending her care packages, with letters he wrote over the years, plushies all that stuff.

She eventually decides to move with Hisashi, but leaves Izuku behind bc "Izuku is old enough to take care of himself" (He's like 14-16?). She pays the apartment's rent and send money for food and such but Izuku stays alone and it affects him badly.

Inko and Hisashi live very happily in America and pretend they don't have a son, but one day Hisashi loses his job and they're forced to make budget cuts, which includes Izuku. They send less and less money to the point where Izuku has to get a job, and then eventually they cut him out.

Izuku due to the very limited money was not able to afford High School and instead started working at a grocery shop, but due to his depression, he ends up losing his job due to not showing up in a week I think?

He decides that he's just tired. Its just not worth it, he will be kicked out soon, so he commits suicide in the bathtub.

That's where the first part of the story ends

If it helps someone identify the fic, then part 2 is:

After finding out Izuku is dead, Inko and Hisashi decide to go back to Japan to make the processes needed. They get Izuku cremated and buy a cheap space in an urn cemetery thing. They don't even put up a photo, just a plaque and the urn.

They go to the Bakugo's to inform them what happened, as they will be going back to America right after. Hisashi is very pissed and doesn't care for Izuku, while Inko feels a little remorse and admits she was a bad mother (She specifically tells Mitsuki "We were bad parents), but otherwise is just ready to leave too.

The Bakugo's had thought Izuku had gone to America with his mom, so they never checked on him, and are obviously pissed about what happened. Inko and Hisashi leave and Katsuki is very upset.

He goes to the cemetery where they put Izuku and feels sad about how barren the whole thing is. Katsuki brings a photo to decorate it a little.

I don't remember what he does later but he shares Izuku's story somehow and it gets popular, with people leaving gifts for Izuku in his grave. It gets to the point that even All Might hears about it and in his small form, visits Izuku to pay his respects.

This part ends in a somewhat happy note talking about how Izuku's grave is filled with the hero merch he loved.

That's it as far as I'm aware. I would really really appreciate any details from this story please!! I can look for an archive myself if it's deleted, I just need a name and/or author.

Thank you so much and I'm sorry for the long post I'm just desperate.

.

[isthedogawolfdog]

(You can delete this or not read it or whatever if you want, I just wanted to say it in case it might help at all.) Another perspective on the cat: He may have been a community cat. Community cats aren't exactly not owned--they often have one or several caregivers who care very deeply about them. However, many of those cats didn't get the necessary socialization as kittens, and will never be comfortable living in a home with people. The kindest thing we can do for them is spay/neuter, vaccinate, and return them to their home, which is outside. For areas with high volumes of cats in shelters, we often return adoptable cats to their outdoor homes as well, because we know they are receiving care and love, and every space that those cats take up is another cat we can't save from euthanasia somewhere else. (Shelters often try to pick up those friendlies later if they have space, but that's another conversation.) All that to say--yeah, it fucking sucks that he was hit by a car. And it fucking sucks that there's so much danger out there and that these cats aren't always safe. But that doesn't necessarily mean that specific cat wasn't living the kindest, most humane life for him. A short life where he was cared for and happy is kinder than a long life spent stressed and fearful in a home.

(The cat impact on wildlife is also another conversation and it often gets brought up in these cases and it's not as clear cut as people like to believe but this ask isn't to rant about that, it's just to provide you with another perspective on this kitty.)

Ehh, I don’t think he would’ve automatically been stressed and fearful just because he was indoors if that’s what you mean. I do think cats can get accustomed to the noises and sights of the outdoors (because that’s a basic need to function tbh), but I still wouldn’t call that a favorable life over being inside, as being inside has a significantly lower chance of being hit by a car or brutally tortured and killed by a stranger.

I’ve never heard of the term “community cat” but I guess I could look into it. Either way I’m instantly skeptical of anything that allows cats to be outside unsupervised.

[universallychaoticpan]

Hi. Can I pls req dazai x reader. So,Dazai and reader were once in a relationship. (Female reader). At some point they broke up. Stopped talking started ignoring each other. Then dazai approached her to be friends again. They again became besties.

The reader is now feeling attracted to a guy. She talks to that guy but didn't take things further, she is hesitant to be in a relationship due to his previous relationship with dazai. Dazai realises, and says that he doesn't want to be the reason to hold back each other... basically you make/write the conversation after dazai realises. Please🥺🥺

(Ps: dazai is actually sad to know the reader is attracted to someone new)

Ah yes, good old unrequited love. I hope you enjoy this, and please come back anytime. So sorry this took so long, the first time I wrote it I accidentally deleted it and had to do it all over. <333

It was hard to believe that at a point, you had been in love with him. But it was true; at one point, the two of you shared a love like sunlight. You fought and loved with the same passion, often burning one another before falling back together for comfort, for peace, to quell the ache that pulled you back together time and time again. But you were so bright you could hardly stand to look; so warm the pain began to show through more and more. Eventually, you licked your wounds on your own, the risk of being hurt outweighing the reward of a love so strong.

Yes, like he always did, Osamu Dazai had pushed you away. And when he did, the hole that you filled inside of him opened up again.

When you were gone, he could hardly stand to look at you without remembering the way you said his name - like no one else did, soft and sweet, drawing out each syllable and vowel - or how your bare skin felt pressed against his while you slept. When he was gone, you could hardly bear the sound of his voice without thinking of nights spent with your clothes strewn across the floor, or the way he would trace the lines in the palms of your hand, his eyes looking at you like the world meant nothing in comparison.

You thought you would never be able to look at those eyes again.

But slowly, things began to repair themselves. Like spring budding from barren branches, you began to pass smiles to one another again. You started to talk more, joking and teasing like you used too before love, before everything had changed. Slowly, you made your way back into his life- slowly, the two of you pushed the memories of a love brighter than sunlight down until it was swallowed by expanses of darker space.

And slowly, Dazai realized that you weren't his anymore.

"...hey- Hey!" Your voice startled him from his thoughts, his fingers beginning to sting from holding onto the chilled glass for too long.

"Sorry," he muttered, taking a drink. "You were saying?"

"You alright," you asked, concerned curiosity in your eyes. "It's not like you to just disappear like that."

He shrugged. "Long week I guess. Anyway?"

You looked down at your drink awkwardly. "Well I was telling you about this guy I met just the other day- met him in the cafe under the office, he works nearby. He was sweet, actually asked me to meet him at another spot he knows later tonight." you chewed your lips nervously. "I don't think I'll go though; it's too soon don't you think? I mean it hasn't even been a year since..." You let your voice trail off.

Dazai looked at you, saw the way your body hunched into itself, but saw the way your eyes slightly looked over at him, waiting for a reaction, a sliver of approval or disappointment. And he realized what you were waiting for.

You were waiting for him to let go.

And it broke him completely that the look in your eyes, the look of slight fear and sorrow was his doing- that even after time had gone by, you still felt trapped by him. Try as he might, he hadn't been able to move past you; worse, you knew it as well as he did and yet here you were, asking him one more time for permission. You were asking his permission to break his heart again.

And what could he do but let you? He loved you so much, so desperately it consumed him; it swallowed him whole every night as he tried to sleep, chased you through dreams and just barely let you escape every time. And he loved you so much that he would release you- he would break every bone in his body if it forced him to let you go. Because he wasn't what you needed. And he knew that the best way for him to love was to let you be loved by someone who was safer. Someone who could give you the life you deserved.

He simply couldn't be that person.

"Go," he said quietly. He was looking at you now, a smile on his face that you both tried to pretend was masking the melancholy behind it. "You should go." He got up, draping your coat around your shoulders. "I mean we both know you can't stay hung up on me forever," he said with a wink. You got up with a smile, the two of you simply staring at each other, the hum of chatter in the bar going quiet for a split second. And you hugged him; you stepped close and wrapped your arms around him, tucking your head into his chest the way you always used to. And it was good you couldn't see him, see his face or the look of surprise he couldn't stop. Gingerly, he place his hands on your back, holding you against him one last time before he gently pulled you away by your shoulders.

"Go on," he smiled. "Get out of here."

You nodded, walking out of the room before you could lose your nerve; you left before you had time to look back. If you had though, if you had stopped to look at the man you couldn't deny you still loved, you would've seen how he watched you go until you vanished onto the dark street, how he stared after you long after you had gone, the scent of your skin still clinging to him like the ghost of you always would.

[kinardsevan]

30 day fluff challenge: day five

"painting together" (aka, a mini deleted scene from The Devil Doesn't Bargain)

Evan leans back against the wall from his space on the floor, staring at the canvas in front of him. It’s definitely…something. 

He looks up at where Tommy is standing a few feet away, his own unstretched canvas stapled to the wall. He’s working in much larger dimensions than Evan an his little eight by eight tile, but the work is also far more definitve than the little swirls of the brush Evan is making. 

“You seem at peace,” he states softly, staring up at his boyfriend. 

Tommy doesn’t reply right away, giving his brush a spin around the glass palette in his right hand before he goes back to the canvas, working in a layer of blue to properly coat the canvas. 

“It took me a while to find something that was calming enough,” he admits when he finally steps back from the canvas two minutes later. He glances down at Evan, smiles at the tile in his hands. 

“I mean obviously you like art,” Evan replies. “I’m surprised you don’t commission it.” 

Tommy shakes his head as he swipes another line of paint across the canvas and then presses a finger into it, blending together two shades. 

“I don’t do it because I want money,” he states over the paintbrush between his teeth. “Sometimes I have an idea and it happens, sometimes it doesn’t.” He pauses as he steps back from the canvas again, and then moves and sets the palette on his supply cart before dropping the paintbrush in his water cup and turning his attention towards Evan again as he sits down on the stool he never uses. 

“When I was first working with Rob, he knew I would draw; sometimes these really dark things that I would remember,” he explains. “But we were in a session one day, and he’d told me to draw the memory I couldn’t get out of my head, onto a canvas. He said ‘whatever it is, however dark it is, just draw it’. And I thought that was crazy because it brought up all of these really dark emotions about it all. I got really angry.” 

Evan nods, watching Tommy with rapt attention as he talks. Something about it has him drawn in. It might be that it’s the first time they’ve really discussed Tommy’s trauma without him being upset about it. 

“So, I get it done, and I bring it into my next session, and it’s this drawing on a twenty-four by thirty-six sheet, black and white and in paint pens, with a ridiculous amount of detail.” He pauses for a beat, staring at the floor as though he’s caught in the memory. After a time, he looks back up at Evan. “Rob looks at it for all of six seconds, and then takes it and puts up on this wall, and when he comes back over, it’s got all of these little holes in it.” 

“Wha?” Evan furrows his brow, confused. Tommy lifts a finger, one second, a small smirk pulling across his face. 

“He’d glued all of these thumbtacks backward on a corkboard with superglue. So when he put it up, he pushed all of the pins through, and then came back, and I was kinda like ‘what the fuck’ you know? Like I put all this work into this project, and he just destroyed it.” 

“Please tell me this resolves in a good way,” Evan states with a small chuckle. 

Tommy nods, drumming his fingers gently against the seat of the stool. 

“So he walks over to me and hands me this water balloon. And I’m still miffed about the picture. But he tells me to throw the balloon. And at first I was like ‘fuck no, I did all this work and you just messed it up’. But he says ‘just trust me, and throw the balloon,” Tommy explains, bobbing his head slightly as he retells the story. He rolls his eyes as the smile reemerges on his face. “So I threw the damn balloon.” 

His smile falls then, but there’s still a look of contentment on his face that Evan hasn’t seen in a long time. He sets his tile on the floor and pushes himself up, walks over to where Tommy is sitting on the stool. He rests his hands on either side of his boyfriend’s neck, thumbs circling in the space behind his ears. 

Tommy narrows his eyes, his gaze pointed at Evan’s shoulder but not actually looking there. 

“There was crimson red paint in the balloons.” 

Evan stands in front of him, watching and waiting. Tommy’s gaze drifts up to him a few moments later.

“After the first one, I kept throwing them, and when they were gone, I went up and ripped it off the wall,” he explains. “And of course he asked me how it felt.” His gaze drops again, eyes searching before he nods at a thought inside his own head and looks at Evan again. “Felt like someone had seen the inside of my head for the first time, and what it felt like to be in here.” 

Evan lifts Tommy’s head gently, presses his lips against the older man’s. Tommy’s hands rise to meet his waist, pulling in a step closer. When they finally break apart, Evan remains in the same spot between Tommy’s straddled legs. 

“I still have that canvas around here somewhere,” he admits, glancing around the room. “And it was the first time I felt like paint might do something more than a pencil could.” His gaze trails back up to Evan. “That was also the first session I was able to actually say ‘I was sexually assaulted in the military’. So I guess you could say his methods work.” 

Evan smiles at him, laughing silently at the statement. Tommy laughs with him, pulling him another step closer and nuzzling his face into Evan’s neck. Evan strokes his hand down the back of Tommy’s head, fingers massaging lightly against the back of his skull. 

“I like seeing you like this,” he murmurs to him. “Like you feel at home in your own body again.” 

Tommy nods, though he doesn’t lift his head. 

“Thank you,” he rasps softly after a tick. “For loving me through it.” 

Evan pulls back then, making sure Tommy is looking at him before he speaks again. 

“I’d never be anywhere else,” he murmurs. “I meant it when I said I’d love you no matter how far you got in the healing process. I choose you, Tommy. Every time.” 

[venus-is-thinking]

Deciphering the DRDT Character Playlist

Hello DRDT community! @accirax and I took a look at the official character song playlist [remade version bc it got deleted or privated] and decided to take our own shot at figuring out whose is whose and what it means. It's pretty late, but we have at least some sort of a guess with reasoning for every song!

We used a combination of Genius lyrics, the vocaloid lyrics wiki, and google translation of Japanese lyrics in the YouTube description to get a decently functional interpretation of every song. Our theory goes through the songs in the order they show up on the playlist (we're pretty positive it isn't kill order), which means our confidence varies heavily from song to song. With that being said, let's go!

Diamond is Unbreakable by Yunno Kago: Ace Markey

This song does not have many lyrics, so a lot of our guess is based on vibes (though it gives much more than some other songs). The rock instrumental with more yell-based vocals feels like it suits Ace though, and I feel safe to say that Ace has had a breakdown (and may have many more in the future).

Sing Along by Sturgill Simpson: Teruko Tawaki

This song fits Teruko quite well. It has an edgier sound to it, but it isn't completely uncaring if you look at the lyrics.

I can't go on living alone now that you're gone You done me wrong, so here's your song

It reminds me of the scene where she plays with the cacti. She clearly misses Xander (and possibly others in her past), but that obviously doesn't stop her from feeling betrayed by them either.

There are a lot of lyrics about bitterness too (ex. "words can stab as deep as night," "bitter air and the winds of spite"), which reflect how Teruko has been treating the rest of the cast in Chapter 2. It's a duality of caring too much and acknowledging the harshness of the world, which encapsulates Teruko's character quite well.

RUNAWAY by half alive: Hu Jing

Not gonna lie, we were struggling on this one. This song is pretty much entirely predictive of a character arc that Hu might have later on. We're predicting this based on Hu's secret quote, which is basically the only reason we gave this song to her: "I want to pay for what I've done. But even then, I still want to live."

This implies that she has not paid for "what [she's] done," which probably relates to her secret. I know a lot of people think she might be the hopeless child, but I'm far more partial to the theory that Hu is the one who poisoned her competition. If she hasn't paid for it, it's possible she feels like she ran away, from the situation which could open the door for her handling those feelings later on.

cartoons by Louie Zong: Rose Lacroix

This entire song is about drawing and thought processes, which both relate to Rose's character pretty strongly. The recurring lyric of "it's all just cartoons in [her] head" makes me think of her photographic memory, which takes real life and permanently stores it in her mind.

There are also lyrics like "feeling every day the same" and "trying to make that old deadline" that strongly relate to her background with the Spurling Foundation. She feels like she's just watching the rest of her life go by as a corporate slave, and those feelings are wrapped up in a light and airy song, matching Rose's demeanor.

asymptotic by Louie Zong: Charles Cuevas

This is a silly little nerd love song. As a CharWhit shipper, I definitely think that there's a strong chance that this relates to Charles' feelings about Whit, calling him a "cutie face in x-y space" and other such things. It's pretty simple, but it's true that, romantic or not, a lot of Charles' character arc thus far has revolved around his relationship with Whit and realizing that he does enjoy spending time with his classmates.

However, notably, there's also the lyric "I'll forget," which made me start thinking about Charles' past he forgot about.

Asymptotic, obliquely Here's the point of this speech As close as we could ever get, you'll be just out of reach

This reads to me as being about Charles' memories or the older brother he doesn't remember losing. As close as he can get to remembering or understanding what happened through things like the secrets motive, it won't be the same as actually returning to that past or remembering it in full. Maybe that's reading into things a little too hard, but I think the interpretation is there to be read.

A Mistaken Belief of Love by Niru Kajitsu: Eden Tobisa

I'll be direct: this relates to our theories about how Eden is the Chapter 2 killer. I'm a particular proponent of the interpretation that Eden didn't believe Arei when she said she wanted to be friends and decided she wanted to escape back to her old life, to the girl she kissed. I'm not going to go into that Eden theory now, but @/1moreff-creator and @/thebadjoe have a great thread going back and forth which goes over a lot of what I personally believe to be true.

If you assume that Eden is the killer and wanted to be Arei's friend but gave up on the possibility when Arei snapped at her, the lyrics start to make sense. "Then I'll kill you at our rendezvous" would clearly relate to Eden summoning Arei to the playground just to kill her. "I just wanted to mistakenly believe that you loved me" relates to Eden's feelings towards Arei and the rest of the class, but that "mistaken belief" was shattered, causing her to kill.

Shunran by John/TOOBOE: Arei Nageishi

This song chronicles Arei's entire character arc, from prologue to death. It starts out much more aggressive and unfriendly, saying things like "I won't pay attention to small fry" and "I become angry easily." However, there's a recurring lyric that shows how she actually feels.

They say that praying to be loved is a sin. It has such a sweet scent.

Arei desperately wants to be loved, for people to be nice to her, but she's learned over the course of her life that she couldn't have that. Still, she can't help but want to be loved, so even when she knows that David is a manipulator, she still listens to his words. Even when she knows she's been awful to Eden, she swears she'll do anything to prove to Eden that she's serious, that she really does want to be her friend.

I pledged a ceasefire. My personality peeled off and fell because I have the courage to accept disappointment

As the song progresses, that desperate desire to be loved creeps its way into the actions the singer takes as well. Arei was willing to put aside her meanness she learned as a defense and try to stop the fighting, try to become friends, because she's strong enough to try even if she might fail. Through it all, all she wants is to be loved.

Yesman by Niru Kajitsu and Hachiya Nanashi: Nico Hakobyan

This song has a lot of lyrics relating to how the singer expresses scorn or insults. We know that this is a focal point of Nico's struggles with communication: they don't know what comes across as hostile or helpful.

However, as the song progresses, it gets more purposefully aggressive. There's a particular set of lines that seem to relate to how Nico interacts with Ace. They can tell Ace that they hate him, directly, and no one even blames them.

You could say that and you're still just a kid. How amazing!

This, in my mind, relates to Nico saying that they'll kill Ace (and clearly meaning it), but Hu still babies them. They can get away with all kinds of things.

There's no reason for me to turn back now, huh? I was caught in my own trap

Nico then, realizing that they can get away with a lot, goes after Ace, trying to literally kill him. They were caught, though, explaining the second lyric here.

The song also has a prominent lyric: "I'm an introvert, just waiting." There are variations on this, but I think it gets across the core idea: Nico is quiet, but they're still a part of the story the whole time, waiting for an opportunity to get their way.

Undead Enemy by Suzumu and Giga P: David Chiem

This song hinges around David's false persona of smiles and motivation and his true self who hates everything and everyone.

For whatever reason, he put on a mask symbolizing The leading role he had yearned for in the past.

Here, David is choosing to put on that motivational speaker persona.

And, from the next day onward, The unhappy boy's smile did not falter, He was even loved by someone

David then keeps up that happy and inspirational self, without fail, so that the world will love and accept him as the Ultimate they expect him to be.

However, the lyrics are filled with more hateful lines that sound more like him in Episode 11.

Slander and criticize, and then, I won't need anyone else. Just leave me alone

I act spitefully in disgust and force a smile

While he pretends to be happy and good, he knows himself to be much worse. This song focuses on those true colors.

Drawing Pins by Nothing but Thieves: Levi Fontana

Levi is a very pensive character. The main line of the song is "tell me what you did it for, 'cause I can't figure it out." That could relate to Levi's apparent struggles to understand others and what the "correct" thing to do in social situations is, like when he asks others how to handle the situation with Ace. I also like the interpretation that he could be talking to himself, wondering why he did what he did in the past. (Whatever mysterious past Levi has, it's clear that he did some things he's not thrilled about, and he seems to have a lot of feelings surrounding it.)

What do I have to do To be loved, loved by you

I'm personally not an AceVi shipper, but this line would definitely relate to Ace. Levi messed up in the first trial, threatening Ace, but in Chapter 2, he's trying to make up for it. Nothing he seems to do works, though, so he's at a loss as to what he could possibly do to make it up to him.

Hi-Fi Evolution Theory by Keu Studio: Veronika Grebenshchikova

Disclaimer, we had to put this song through google translate, so our lyrics might not be entirely correct.

Given that, though, I'm pretty confident this song must be Veronika's. There are a lot of lyrics that indicate her, but the most important ones surround what we've most recently learned about her: she can't stand boredom and will do just about anything for fun.

But is it selfish to have fun?

The one who laughs last is the winner

Even though Veronika knows that enjoying the killing game or possibly even working against the group's best interests in it is stupid at best and evil at worst, she'll still do it as long as it keeps her entertained. If she's selfish, she's selfish; she'll do it either way.

tip toes by half alive: Min Jeung

This song heavily ties into Min's outlook which she explains in her bonus episode. The lyrics mention a "need to be known," or a "pride" that's "screaming." She internalized a core need to become an Ultimate to keep her going forward and to preserve her hope.

She does want to change her behavior, though.

My future will listen to me, Listen to me, listen to me

Min is trying desperately to find a life for herself now that she's become an Ultimate. She wants to learn how to live after she's achieved the goal that her entire life has centered around. This song is her searching for the life that she wants to live in spite of her previous experience.

The song also sounds sort of desperate with its repetition of "listen to me" and the overall vibe of the instrumental. This fits in with Min's increasing desperation as she realizes, at the end of the first trial, that she won't have a future to figure out anymore.

Polygonal by fallstay (ふぁるすてぃ): Xander Matthews

This one was also put through google translate, so apologies for any mistranslations!

This song makes sense for Xander if you consider his clear survivor's guilt, visible through both his bonus episode and his secret quote, which is, in the most literal way possible, the dictionary definition of survivor's guilt. It mentions a "life full of mistakes" and describes other similar thoughts.

I'm dizzy and it hurts so much that I feel like throwing up

The urge to scream and someone's loud sobbing

That's my pain

These all feel like ways Xander interprets his past, which is his pain. We already know that Teruko accidentally running into him and hitting his eye hurt so badly he passed out, which is a step beyond "dizzy." Someone could be sobbing about his past; maybe it's even him. The things in his past that haunt him are what shape who he is and his actions, and that's what this song is about.

Spitfire (05 Version) by The Prodigy: J Rosales

This one has like one lyric. The vibes fit J though, and I don't really know who else's it would be or what other song would be hers, so it stays.

desk rotation by RQ laji-2: Arturo Giles

I'm not gonna lie. This is an instrumental. We have no idea what it means. This was process of elimination. I don't know what other song Arturo's would be so he gets this one.

(In all seriousness, you COULD give this one to Hu because it's music and she's a musician, give Arei the more hopeful RUNAWAY and give Arturo Shunran. The beginning of Shunran fits him decently, but I think the interpretation sort of falls apart in the middle of the song, at least given what I know about his character, and I think it fits Arei much better.

After we read some other theories, too, we think there's a viable shuffle that goes like this:

desk rotation: Hu (musical connection) tip toes: Arturo (generally prideful, future emphasis contrasting with his secret forcing him to think about the past) asymptotic: Min (abstracted to apply to the life she wants to seek out, math works as Ultimate Student) RUNAWAY: Charles (relating to him "running" from his past memories, positive growth arc)

While I still like our initial interpretations for Charles asymptotic and Min tip toes, I like the handling of RUNAWAY and desk rotation better with this one.)

For whatever it's worth, I also think there's a slight possibility that desk rotation is a placeholder song. It's a complete instrumental (all other songs have at least SOME lyrics), so it wouldn't be too insane to me if they had a song that they decided was just too spoiler-y to be released to the public. In that case, I think it's possible desk rotation will one day be replaced with a different song. Realistically, though, it's probably just here and we have to figure out what the hell it means.

Good Grief by Bastille: Whit Young

Whit obviously lost his mother at some point, who he clearly idolizes. You can see the glowing way he talks about her in the laundry room with Teruko and Charles, and his secret quote is literally "We tend to idolize the dead." He loves his mother, but given his secret, it's clear that she is dead.

This song is about grief. Whit represses a lot of his emotions, so I expect he hasn't yet felt his grief in full and hasn't processed it. He has, however, made it very clear that he struggles with loneliness, and that has a lot to do with his loss. I think that, over the course of the story, he's going to have to actually process grief and experience sadness. While it's possible that'll just be due to the feelings he has surrounding his mother, given that he's in a killing game, I think that he'll have to confront personal loss again to have this arc.

Regrettably, I think that that'll probably come in the form of Charles dying, likely as a Chapter 3 victim. Others have theorized on that, but suffice it to say that, narratively and based on hints they've dropped, I think it's probably true ( :( ). Whit, as he clearly cares about Charles, would then be confronted with grief again. He'd have to endure it and learn to deal with the loss.

On the plus side, I'd expect he'd be likely to survive afterwards.

[starlostseungmin]

一 oh yes darling, hjs.

pairing — idol!han x gn!reader

genre — domestic fluff

warnings — mentions of sex but not implied, kissing, not proofread.

word count — 988

notes — this is just for an experiment, might delete later if it doesn't show on the tags. i'm so upset right now.

“I’m so exhausted darling, are you sure, you don’t want to cuddle with me?” Jisung asked, loosening his tie while you flip a page on the book you were reading, feeling the comfortable mattress and the new sheets from the laundry. It was a good Friday night which means it was your boyfriend’s day off the next day. He’s been working overtime during the week and badly wanted to rest, with the help of your cuddles, of course一but he came a little late today when he promised he will cook dinner for the both of you. 

“No,” You said, flipping another page of the book leaving the poor man pouting his lips. He knows this game, this is one of those nights when you’re trying to play hard to get as a joke to make him act all cute and beg but your boyfriend knows you too damn well. 

“Are you upset?” He said, taking off his white polo after the blazer. You tried you remain calm and fix your attention on the book you were reading. Jisung loves your reaction every time you see his exposed skin or the way he takes his clothes off in front of you. Nevertheless, it makes you crazy and he knows it. The change of the atmosphere caught you off guard, you didn’t even get to say anything before he was completely topless. Even the book is not helping and the words seem to be scrambled and hard to read. 

“I’m not,” You said. 

“Then why won’t you cuddle me?” He pouted. 

“You were late,” You answered as he chuckled in return. 

“So you’re upset with me,” Jisung smiled but you just rolled your eyes in response. “Come on, how do I make it up to you?” He asked, sitting on the empty space beside you, trying to get your damn attention away from the book. Your boyfriend loves to tease, he can manage to make you give in when he starts to do something that will make you sore in the morning. But it’s not that easy, because sometimes, you weren’t just up for it. Your boyfriend is not the type to be patient, but when it comes to you, he would always understand. Yet you would also feel bad about it when he sighs and leaves in disappointment after you refused. No arguments were made because he won’t force you if you don’t want it. 

You sensed his face getting closer to yours, attempting for a kiss as his arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer to him. His hot breath gave you the chills down to your spine making the book fall on the mattress. Jisung started rubbing the tip of his nose on your cheek which made you giggle in response while attempting to break free from the tight hug. You knew he wouldn't be able to finish his night routine if you let him be like this for a while. 

“Go wash up first, I’ll cuddle you alright?” You smiled, cupping his cheeks before giving him a quick kiss on the lips. 

“Fine, don’t forget the smooches,” He smirked, kissing the tip of your nose before dashing towards the bathroom. A smile formed on your face as you fixed your hair, and placed the book back on your side table. Your boyfriend has been working too hard that you are worried if he is getting enough rest. Being part of a famous boy group in the whole industry gives him a tight schedule where it’s rare to spend some time with his beloved. And the tour一the tour is right along the corner. 

A sigh escaped your lips as you waited for him. He deserves all the cuddles he could get from you anyway. The love he gives and the time management he has when it comes to you are very endearing. You knew there are a lot of reasons to love him, and being loved by him is already a huge thing to earn. 

You heard the bathroom door open and shut as his footsteps are getting closer to the bed. His hair is soaking wet and his body was enveloped in a white robe, you prepared for him. The dryer started doing its job as Jisung watched himself in front of the mirror while you wait. Watching him like that made you think you are the luckiest person on earth to have him. He’s perfect wherever you look at him, he denies them sometimes but his narcissistic side is not debatable. 

“I will melt if you keep staring at me like that,” He said as you scoffed in response. 

“I was just waiting,” You answered as he ruffled his disheveled hair, taking his way back to your shared bed. 

“There’s something I wanted to say,” He said, halting a foot away from the mattress. 

“Shoot,” You said. 

“Why don’t we spice things up for tonight and stay in all day tomorrow huh?” He said, with a smirk on his lips while wiggling his brows. You could feel the heat rising on your cheeks and Jisung could see how they turned pink because of the blood rush. It’s been a while since the last time you did it一thanks to his occupied schedule, he’s been missing a lot with you. 

“Honey, no,” You said. 

“Oh, yes darling,” He said when he attempted to hover over you but you were too quick to move, making him fall to his face on the pillows. “Oh come on,” He whined in response as he laid on his back, kicking his legs on the sheets like a little kid, making you laugh. 

“You’re so cute,” You said, kissing his cheek. “I was just kidding you know? Come here,” 

“I won’t go easy on you, darling,” Of course, Jisung is a sucker for you. He never hesitated to get on top of you again, before crashing his lips on yours and wrapping your arms around his neck as he deepened the kiss. 

taglist: @wolfchanchan @inseonqt @soobin-chois @hanjiesgf @koovvie @lix-ables @zoe8stay @gwynsapphire @cherryhanji @lixesque @seungly @sleepyleeji @kim-seung-mo @strangevante @h0neydewmoon @ppiri-bahng @myjisung @snow-pegasus @milkybonya @l3visbby @yejis-biggest-simp @tangylemonade @hwan-g — lmk if you want to be added or removed !!

[fullofgutsndopamine]

See That Space In Your Head (And I Want To Fill It In)

or; the board game au

tw: cursing

look, it isn't the most nerdy thing you've ever done.

And you aren't proud of it-you aren't sure if that helps or not-but moving into a new town, in a new city- a new state, halfway across the country-known for its cold, dark and long winters well-you had to make friend somehow.

And he was so fucking persistent on Facebook too.

The posts neared non stop, always to the top of the group, right above people always posting the new fox sighting and where it was heading.

The first post was innocent enough.

Still need new members for the board to death club! we meet every other wednesday in the heart of the library.

the only comments under were spam and people looking for directions to the library. charlie didn't comment back to either.

The next post was two days later:

board to death meeting wednesay where we finally find out who's the best. come join us. Thornhill Library @ 6pm!

it's the last post that borders on pleading that makes you comment.

board to death. Thornhill Library. Newbies definitely not invited or encouraged.

look, you can sense the sarcasm in it but the way he's been posting nearing every other day for people to join his club but won't elaborate on what it is or anything besides the fucking name is making your chest boil with rage and your fingers take over across your keyboard before you can stop it

maybe, just maybe telling people what the club is would help and make people join? I dunno, just a thought.

you submit it before you can question that it's too sarcastic, too rude, not a way to make friends in this town-you're wrestling with the idea of deleting it before anyone can see it when your phone bings with a facebook notification.

it's him.

hm. thought the name alone would give it away. join us wednesday and see what we do :-)

bastard.

you weren't planning on going.

planned on leaving the conversation there, letting it die but the idea of it was killing you and you found yourself lacing up your shoes and slipping a coat over your shoulders to brave the Chicago cold before you could stop yourself.

the library was on the only busy street, which figures, and parking was a nightmare almost turned around about five times before you reminded yourself you were just stopping by-haven't gotten a library card yet and while you're here you might as well see what this silly club is about

as you park and enter, a death grip on the envelopes in your hands to get the stupid card, you notice how busy it is. And how incredibly loud it is.

The librarian behind the desk doesn't seem bothered by it either, talking at a loud volume with someone else behind the desk.

you lose the confidence you had, sliding the bills into your back pocket and slinking off to what you think would be 'the heart of the library'

it's not hard to find, fortunately

or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it.

a small group of people stand around a table stacked high with board games and who you think would be the lead stands next to it, hands on his hips.

it takes you a second to recognize it's charlie from the facebook post. he’s laughing with the small circle around him, his glasses are crooked on his nose but if it bothers him, he doesn’t make a move to adjust them. he wears a bright green shirt with a periodic table on it that says i have fun periodically and truly, that’s all you needed to know about what was happening.

you almost have to stop yourself from turning around and leaving but the conversation stops you-

"Yeah well Monopoly ends marriages but none of us are married so who fucking cares?"

"It's a figure of speech, you idiot." someone says back, pinching the bridge of their nose.

They're short next to charlie, a mess of blonde hair that's uncombed.

"Look," he finally holds his hands up in surrender, “i’ll-“

his eyes flash to you.

"well," he smirks, "hello there."

Your face is bright red before you can stop it and you try to wipe the look off your face-

"You're part of the facebook group, right?" charlie steps forward, the smirk high on his face, produces "The one who didn't know who we were?"

The blush is replaced by annoyance.

"What kind of name is board to death that meets in a library?"

he shrugs, crosses his arms over his chest:

"I dunno," he says, the smirk never leaving, "Probably a board game club."

you can't help the oh that escapes from your mouth and his friends behind him are laughing and you want to disappear.

"Right." you shrug, "guess i know now-" you turn to leave and he's at your elbow.

"Hey," his voice is high and comforting, is trying to make it quiet so it’s between you two"Stay and play a game. I was just kidding."

and you feel so fucking dumb like it's so obvious now, and you want to disappear-

"Seriously," he says, "Stay. nothing makes me feel better than beating Nick at Life. Really, whatever you're going through, it'll make it better."

you hesitate and before you can turn around, tell him no, he's pulling your elbow: "come on, i promise. and if it sucks, you can leave."

you obey, sitting next to charlie as he sits with this smile on his face, his face now pink like he's embarrassed as he fumbles with his glasses.

"charlie," he offers his hand, "nice to finally meet you."

you hesitate and shake his hand, introducing yourself as well.

"nice to meet the facebook menace himself," you finally ease up, "ready to lose?"

and it's a big statement, especially considering you've never played and you don't know him, but he leans back into the seat, his shoulder brushing yours as he smirks:

"Bring it on."

[sarahowritesostucky]

The whole worldbuilding you did around younger omegas and older alphas was so interesting! Like imagining how those issues would be handled in society. Why did you change the age of bucky tho? Wasn't he 16 before?

Hey! (I thiiink I know who this is?? 😉) I gotchu girl!

The 16 age is because there is a Tumblr staff member who doesn't understand the ToS and who has capriciously deleted whatever she feels like deleting when it "bothers" her. And she's decided that I bother her. So even though fiction with teenager/18+ character sexual pairings are permitted and are regularly posted by other fan authors, I need to be wary. So that's why Bucky is now magically 18, lol. If you want to read the story in it's original and intended format, you can go to Ao3. They don't censor fictional literary content.

NOW, buckle your seatbelt and come on this worldbuilding journey with me!

In this 'verse, historically, societies worldwide had different systems set up with the primary goals to:

Keep post-pubertal omega youths safe

Meet their sexual needs

Meet their non-sexual intimacy needs

Generally speaking, in a western cultural context, this is the order things would go in if a family took the "proper" steps with their omega child:

Once heats began at about 13-14, the omega youth would be assigned to an omega matriarchal figure for guidance. Sometimes this was a parent, sometimes an extended family member, or often just a well-respected omega in the community. This is the person who would teach them about being omega, their urges, how to handle their heats, etc. This person would also look out for them to make sure nobody was preying on them.

Now, omegas are naturally hypersexual beginning at around age 13-14 when their heats begin. But their urges intensify significantly in the following year or two, becoming much harder to ignore or self-satisfy.

Though religion in the west often asserted the need for chastity by restricting sexual relations to only one partner or certain times of the month, it was still understood that omegas were naturally hypersexual and needed special attention. It was also virtually expected that most omegas would wind up engaging in some degree of superficial sex-play with other omega peers. This wasn't frowned upon at all.

At around age 16, most omegas would transition from their omega matriarch into the care of an alpha mentor - typically someone older and more mature. It wouldn't be uncommon for an alpha in their 30s or even 40s to take on this role. They would fulfill all the roles of the previous matriarch, with the addition of a sexual relationship with the omega. They would help satisfy them through their heats, provide needed close contact, and give them practice for modeling healthy A-o relationship patterns.

There are other setups in other parts of the world, though:

In ancient societies and also in many non-western cultures, there might be one or a handful of community-designated alphas who always took the mentor role as part of their job (i.e. wise man, sexual mystic, healer, shaman, etc.). In such cases as that, the alpha guardian role was purely transitory and only meant to last until the omega reached mating age and went on to find a suitable alpha mate in the community.

In some middle eastern cultures, most omegas would be rounded up and appropriated by only the most wealthy and important alphas, who would be the ones to care for them in their harems.

Medieval Europe also sometimes saw the "rounding up" of omegas to be delivered into the hands of feudal alpha lords.

Polygamy was also fairly common in Europe up until the 1950s. The most common arrangement was an A-A marriage, with an added omega partner brought into the marriage later. Or a single alpha might mate two or three omegas.

In East Asian cultures, omegas often got betrothed at puberty and went to go live in their betrothed's family's compound, wherein they remained in that family's omega-only communal space, and were entrusted to the care of that extended family's alphas.

Back to the alpha-mentor system of western cultures. The alpha was usually either someone that the omega youth's parents knew and reached out to, or else the alpha might themself approach the youth's parents to ask for permission to take on the role.

In these arrangements, the alpha mentor might wind up deciding to mate the omega themselves, but it wasn't expected. It depended on the specific location and time period, as well as on the individuals involved (personality, class, wealth, age difference), as to whether this choice was socially approved of or not.

But for example in the US or England in the 1900-1950 time range, it would've still been very common for an omega youth to choose to mate with their alpha mentor once they reached the age of about 18-20. An age gap of anywhere between 10-30 years was considered normal.

(Due to the cross-cultural norm of large A-o age gaps, virtually all societies have always had strong social support systems set in place for the care of widowed omegas (though alphas do tend to live a decade or more longer than betas and omegas)).

Younger alphas aged 18-24 were usually not considered experienced or mature enough to perform the alpha mentor role.

It was after the feminist ("omega-ist") movement and the sexual revolution of the 60s and 70s that things really changed. Omegas were increasingly expected to be independent, to pursue careers outside the home, delay or forgo mating and children, and to behave the same way as anybody else.

So the omega matriarch/alpha mentor system really fell by the wayside and isn't commonly used in modern society.

Some schools may designate an omega matriarch equivalent in a school counselor, but the en vogue, "modern" attitude is to act like omegas don't have any biological need for alphas, and are in fact no different from betas.

Since the 2010s, there's been a growing backlash to the results of the feminist (omega-ist) movement, with some people returning to more traditional values. That's essentially where Steve and his school falls.

😅

I know I reeeeally went on a tangent on this one. Hope you liked the details and let me know if you have any more questions!

[acti-veg]

I don’t the etiquette of starting a discussion on like neutral ground I haven’t ever had the chance to in the online spaces usually.

So I’m just gonna start if that’s okay? I should preface I am the same anon that sent the “just watched dominion” ask might be important idk.

So I am going to start.

Capitalism, fishing and the need for speed

Unlike my previous ask I was going to send but tumblr got weird and deleted it, I will try to bring up articles and stuff not really to prove a point but to get the discussion rolling if that’s okay!

Fishing trawlers 

For the people who don’t know are fishing vessels who employ the fishing technique of trawling, which is where the fishing vessel drags a HUGE net and catches the fish by dragging it along the sea floor. Or here’s a quote by the Australian fishing authority who explains it better.

“Trawling is one of the most common methods of fishing. Trawl nets are designed to be towed by a boat through the water column (midwater trawl) or along the sea floor (bottom trawl). Trawl nets are shaped like a cone or funnel with a wide opening to catch fish or crustaceans and a narrow, closed 'cod-end'.” -Australian fishing and management authority.

While other types of fishing like rodding and using pots may less common, they still do not have the same destructive effects and impacts as trawling. (And dredging) Though you being a vegan may oppose all forms of fishing, I would like to argue that the most common method is the most destructive to both the environment, the consumer, and the fishing industry.

I’d actually love to be disproven that the main offenders of bycatch are on par with other fishing techniques. (As said before, rodding or pots. Or other techniques I don’t know about!)

End of this part, because I wanna hear your side!

I will come back with more later probably, but I'd love to hear your ideas and thoughts of reducing bycatch and banning fishing trawlers.

this is fun, and I will be back with more stuff later.

I will happily expand or elaborate more, but be conscious that I am HORRIBLE at writing essays and just in general I got all the problems, so I am sorry if it is less then ideal or makes ZERO sense.

I am dyslexic, and you would think that wouldn't affect things much but it does. so if I misread anything int the future I am sorry in advance.

Hey anon, thanks for taking the time to write!

There isn't much debate about long-linng vs trawling; you won't find anyone who thinks that trawling is not more harmful than rod catching. Long-lining is definitely better for bycatch and for sustainability more generally than trawling is, but that is a relative term and doesn't make it sustainable. Almost 90 percent of global marine fish stocks are now fully exploited or overfished, and there isn't enough information about the other 10% to say for sure that they aren't on the brink of collapse too, according to the Global Fishing Index.

In this context, the only rational conclusion is that no commercial fishing is sustainable, considering the crisis status that our oceans have reached. Fishing stocks are plummeting across the world, this type of fishing is less destructive, but frankly, we need protected marine spaces now rather than any kind of fishing at all. The only people who need to be fishing are subsistence fishing communities who rely on it to meet their nutritional needs.

Non-target species are still caught by line, and injuries from the hook or the shock of being caught and released often end in death regardless. In terms of waste, lines are better than nets, but much of it still ends up in the ocean as discarded plastic waste - much of the pacific garbage patch is made up of refuse from the fishing industry, both lines and trawling nets.

The checks in place for the fishing industry are just an absolute joke at this stage, there isn't even really any pretence that current levels of fish extraction can be sustained. It's a gold rush until there are no more fish to catch, then we all suffer for it. How we fish is sort of besides the point if we're intent on feeding this huge demand for fish, whether we catch them by trawling net or by line, those fish are still dead, and those fishing stocks still go down.

Even putting aside the fact that I think that we just should not be killing sentient beings when we absolutely do not need to, even solely in ecological terms, we just need to stop extracting fish from the ocean fullstop. The oceans need time to recover with widespread marine sanctuaries that are actually properly enforced, which can have a dramatic impact. We need radical action at this stage, and switching to a line instead of trawling nets is not nearly enough. Nothing at all wrong with your etiquette and I appreciate the thoughtful ask, but I'm afraid that anonymous asks are just not a format that works for an extended debate or discussion. It's too disjointed and just not very interesting for my followers, since they will be viewing each response often days apart and totally out of context. If you'd like to continue to discuss, you're welcome to send me a message.

[naturalbornlosers]

actually. i dont normally get this personal so i might delete this later but geez i need somewhere to put this or i'll go insane.

we lost my grandfather a year ago and Christmas has sucked ass this year. i'm overstimulated and exhausted. my family doesn't even try to connect with me. it's like i dont fucking exist anymore to them except as a problem-solver ("can you help me find xyz?") or a piece of furniture or someone to dictate later plans to or a fucking memory pad ("don't let me forget,") or a problem. we try to eat dinner together and i dont open my mouth a moment in the conversation bc there's no opening for me, there's no topic i can contribute to, no one even tries to include me, and the only time i'm spoken to is to tell me plans we're doing later. i wanna make something with my family and it gets brushed off. i wanna do something, it gets brushed off. i bought us a game to play and we're taking it down when we take my grandmother back home bc no one could be assed to remember to play it even though i made sure it appealed to all of our interests.

my mom made a joke about "oh we're just giving you money because we have no idea what you want haha!" and while yeah, i am grateful for the money, it fucking SUCKS that every time ive talked to her about my interests - about our shared interests and hobbies, too - it sounds like it's gone in one ear and right out the other!! i've shown her in person things i would like to eventually get in the future, all year. and it's like… none of it matters. no one tries. no one tries when it's me, but everyone else gets thoughtful things and i'm even still planning to get more things for my mom and my grandmother. no one tries to engage with my interests. my interests actually get made fun of here and there or outright dismissed ("i'm sure [person] doesn't wanna hear about xyz" is said often when im infodumping) and everything i like is trivial. everything i like is fodder to be mocked by my moms husband and just goes in one ear out the other with my mom and my grandmother has no idea what to do with my interests.

and, fuck, now my family doesnt believe i have endometriosis or pcos bc my ultrasound came back fine even though i explained to them repeatedly that it may not show up on an ultrasound. they dont want me to get a second opinion. they dont think its worth it, trying to find out why im in so much pain i miss class/life events and why im so sick and fatigued every month i cant leave the house sometimes. i just sit around like a decoration. i get teased for being on my phone. i get teased for not eating the same things everyone else does. and to top it all off, my moms husband vaguely threatened me tonight in front of everyone and no one did a fucking thing. no one even acknowledged that he just flat out went "dont do xyz, if you do xyz, there's gonna be a problem" in a very clear manner of 'you are going to be in deep shit'. which is fucking tiresome bc he tried to kick me out three separate times in 2020. once bc my bathroom wasn't tidy enough (just a bit cluttered, but i dont have much counter space, so naturally it was cluttered), once bc he wanted to turn my bedroom into storage and have me move into the attic spare room, and once bc "this is my castle and i am the king and if you don't like it you can leave". this was during a time i had no friends irl, no bank account, couldn't drive, no job, nobody around i could go to… he knew full well he could just toss me out and no one would say a fucking word.

i'm learning how to drive. and then i'll get a job. and then i'll move out. and then i'll put this shit behind me. but i fucking hate being in a room full of my family and feeling like none of them know me. that i'm entirely alone. that i don't fucking exist and everything i am is trivial and doesn't matter. if i make plans, there's a high chance they wont happen or will get changed last minute and then i get mocked for being upset about it like i'm a child who doesn't get how the world works. i'm twenty four. i'm young for sure, but fucking hell, i'm not six.

i just don't wanna be here. i'm gonna keep on keepin' on. but i want things to change for the better and i know they wont until i move out. i just don't believe i will actually, ever, leave this house. ughh. i'll survive but holy shit i'm gonna be screaming the entire time.

[the-jam-to-the-unicorn]

Emoji ask game thingy! 🥤🌿 🪲 x

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

Victory (@realiv0)

Compromised (@is-this-working)

Ze Drabbles (@my-whortleberry-friend)

@harri-etvane in general but especially Volena ones

🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity

Since I struggled with that a lot in the last weeks and I had to remind myself what helps and works (for me):

Start small. Don't expect to write the whole thing. Plan to write half a page or ten sentences or maybe only one.

If you can't write, try editing the WIPs. If you also can't do this - edit older, already finished WIPs.

Consume you source of inspiration and idea. Re-watch the show / movie, re-read the book, obsess over your person, ... .

Don't think about the bigger picture. Knowing you have to write several chapters might be too much. Focus one that one little, specific thing you want to write right now.

Consistent writing over writing a lot. Try to squeeze in some creative minutes every day (or almost every day). Doesn't have to be good. Doesn't have to be working on your fic. Can be deleted later. But practice makes better and makes it easier. (Can also be outlining or planing the next chapters or daydreaming.)

Create a nice working space. Get that drink. Pull out the chocolate. Make your favourite snack. Wrap yourself in that blanket. Light that nice candle.

Reward yourself for achievements.

If you're blocked - take a step back. Take a walk, tidy up the house, read something else, go on a trip, ... . Do something that gives your brain a breath and some fresh creative energy (and maybe inspiration). Daydream! If you can see it, you can write it. (Also remember to take care of yourself: eat, drink, sleep, stretch, do sports, ...)

Shake things up. Change the weather. Try out a new pairing. Experiement with the crazy idea in your head you never dared to touch so far. ...

Talk with someone about it.

Don't pressure yourself. Don't listen to that voice in your head. Remember your the only one who can write that specific fic and you really want to read it. Remember all the positive feedback you got so far. You can do this and you are capable and you can write. (Use it as a positive affirmation.)

Find a writing methode that works for you. (e.g. pomodoro)

Sometimes it's the best to just let it flow. Just start and see where you end up. Start at with the beginning or pick out something from the middle or write the end first. (Bonus: Sometimes the "white page" methode is the best: start with a fresh white page and from the beginning. Write that thing completely knew.)

🪲 ⇢ add 50 words to your current wip and share the paragraph here

"With leaden eyelids, Irina sat up and yawned profusely before swinging her legs out of bed. As she stretched, she shuffled towards the ajar bathroom door, behind which she could hear Olena. "Morning," she said in greeting as she grabbed the doorknob and opened the door. She didn't expect what"