#might make another part to this since i think i revised it well?

[my-blooming-darling]

I felt like I could have added more to these so the readers could imagine it more, so here’s a revised version! I wonder if I should make another part?

Tw: slight sad in Rindou’s part…I had to do it to ya 😭

Categories: ☁️fluff; 🍡gn!reader; 💫old work; 🎐multi-character (of the same fandom)

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💕 Ryusei is a big cuddler when he’s cold. You could be wearing your own jacket and he’ll still try to trap you in his with the excuse of “we can’t freeze if we’re in the same bubble”. He insists on staying home, but will go with you if you need to run errands. As soon as y’all are done though, he will be on you and squeezing you for warmth. Will reluctantly let go if you ask but he comes back with your favorite drink. He did go outside exactly once during a day in and that was because he was pelting Chifuyu and Baji with snowballs, but then he comes back acting like a wounded puppy after they tag team him. He likes to take pictures of you in the snow and he will gush about you to anybody that’ll listen to him. Chifuyu and Kazutora are tired of hearing it, but Baji will listen to him until he rambles for an hour, by which point he’ll send Ryusei back home to cuddle with you more.

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💕 Baji’s grumpy when he’s cold. He doesn’t like going anywhere and he’ll tell you as much if you wake up earlier than him because he knows what that means. Will squeeze you and grumble when you try leaving him. And by squeeze, I mean koala-type squeeze and you’re either stuck with him or you’ll do what you need to do while he buries himself in blankets like a hibernating gremlin. Sometimes he’ll occasionally wake up and y’all take turns making food or something, although he’s wrapped up in a blanket like he’s a house elf. Will curl up in front of the heater with whatever cat he has that day, and will probably complain if he can’t find his socks. He’s very cuddly when it’s cold too, and he’ll pepper you with kisses until you agree to snuggle with him. He won’t find out about the snowman competition between Chifuyu and Mikey until a full hour later.

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💕 Yuzuha buys you matching socks and takes pictures of y’all’s feet for her scrapbook. She likes having good memories of your time together, so she tries to take as many pictures as she can. She also likes to play in the snow with you if there’s any or enough to do something with, but she’ll also get embarrassed if you take pictures of her in the snow. If not, then she’ll have no problem staying in and cuddling with you while watching your favorite shows. If you’d like to go somewhere, she’ll go with you but only after making sure you’re properly warm, something she’s had to do for Hakkai throughout their lives, so it’s basically second nature to her. Hakkai does sometimes come over and he tries to feed you both because he’s a sweetie. Her favorite thing to make in winter is warm milk tea, but she would make sure to use a milk alternative just in case. Cooking with Yuzuha during winter is always an adventure because you’re always trying different recipes.

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💕 God forbid it snows because Chifuyu will go outside and build snowmen. His cutest one is a snowman of Peke J. If you won’t come out with him, he’s fine with that, but do expect him to come poke his head in the door (he won’t go inside with snow covered feet) and tell you about the snow person he built of you. He will take so many pictures of that snow person of you and send all of them to you. He sends you a picture of them in the group chat and Mikey’s hilariously offended by the fact that Chifuyu made him smaller than Peke, which was absolutely done intentionally because Fuyu’s a joker like that. He’ll take a picture of the snowman he made of Peke J and show it to him like “Look, it’s you!” while Peke meows and tilts his little head. He comes back to cuddle with you though after picking up warm drinks, cuddling with Peke J, and snacks…until he catches wind of Mikey’s snowmen, then it’s war. He also makes a snow person of you and Peke J cuddling after he finds you asleep with Peke curled up on your chest and snoring like a cute little void.

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💕 Mikey, although he’d rather be sleeping and cuddling with you, tries to go outside out of spite to build a snowman of Chifuyu after he catches wind of his hilariously tiny snow version of himself. Yes, that’s probably one of the only times he’ll willingly wake up for anything in this weather. You wake up to hear him grumbling away as he puts his boots on. You quickly figure out why he’s displeased when you see the snowmen that Chifuyu built of everyone in the group chat. Mikey hears you laughing at his expense and proceeds to tackle you and squeeze you. He’ll cuddle with you for awhile and complain until you give him kisses and snacks. Don’t mistake him though, he did go outside and show you his poorly made snowmen of Chifuyu, and wondered why you laughed harder at that one than the one Chifuyu made of him. “You’re supposed to be on my side, don’t laugh at me!” If you have to ask if he’s pouting while he says it, then there’s a 99% chance that he is absolutely pouting, and will continue until you hug or kiss him.

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💕 Emma, much like Mikey, will find you when you least expect her to and wrap you up in a giant blanket. You’ll essentially be a burrito while she makes your favorite soup. You’re not sure how she does it, but she’s able to squirm into the burrito with your bowls of soup without spilling a single drop. She’s just graceful like that, just saying. Y’all both bear witness to the snowmen war between Chifuyu and Mikey voting on whose are more absurd. It’s essentially the same as watching a game show on television but with bragging rights for the prize instead of anything else. Emma intentionally votes against Mikey solely to spite him because his grumpy anger is funny to her, which causes them to bicker, and Draken is subsequently left in charge of diffusing the situation, albeit with lots of grumbling in between sentences. She sneaks pictures of you when you’re not looking if y’all do go somewhere and keeps them in a photo album on her phone, very likely to have them printed so she can make a scrapbook or have them framed to put on her wall.

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💕 Sanzu is displeased when you and Senju declare snow war on him. Firstly, he can’t believe you’d team up with his sister instead of him. The idea mildly offends him, and he makes sure that you know it with petty complaints like “this would be more fun if my beloved didn’t pick my sister over me!”. Secondly, he wants to sleep. He’d much rather be in bed hugging you and having you all to himself with about three blankets and all the pillows you have in your home. Unfortunately , there is no such thing as sleep for him when you two have basically dragged him outside to have a snowball fight, so he gets stuck calling in reinforcements…which is an equally displeased Takeomi. Takeomi, of course, grumbles with Sanzu while you and Senju yell at them to stop complaining and bring it on. He only laughs when Takeomi gets a huge snowball thrown at his face, only to shriek when he gets hit by one himself. He takes a video of it but decides not to post it because although he’d rather have been cuddling with you, this was a fun memory of his. He likes to watch it when you’re not there.

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💕 Hakkai likes to lay on you when he’s cold. He may seem like a shy violet, but he loves his cuddles. He’s another person who thinks it’s cute to match with his partner, so y’all have matching sweaters. You took notes from Yuzuha and got him a pair of matching socks too, and he loves that y’all are on the same page. You don’t let him or Yuzuha go home when Taiju’s there. Y’all three are bound for life, they’re stuck with you for all of time. It’s a slumber party for the night. You two sometimes visit Yuzuha and her lover with food that you both cooked and you try to feed them while you’re there (mostly because Hakkai wants to make sure they’re still alive if there’s a power outage). In the event of an outage, all of you pile together in one room and try to make the most of it while you wait for the power to come back on. You and Yuzuha’s partner are good friends so this makes an already bad situation into a better one where everyone gets along.

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💕 Taiju, the roided out not-so-jolly green giant himself is surprisingly a good cuddler. Probably because, well, he’s huge and has a high body heat. Does not care about how tall or short you are, he will find a way to engulf you while he holds you. Refuses to go anywhere if he thinks it’s too cold, will hug you so you don’t escape. This is the same man who dips a toe in the ocean during the summer and refuses to go in because he thinks it’s too cold, but tells his siblings they can go in if they wish and will stay on a beach towel under an umbrella. You have to find him sweaters and shirts that are larger than life because he has a nasty unintentional habit of ripping them with his tiddies alone. It embarrasses him and he makes you swear that you never witnessed it the first time (but you totally told Inui and Kokonoi about it in the group chat). Taiju grumbles at you to never speak of that incident again when he finds out that you already spilled the tea to his dog and cat.

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💕 You and Kisaki watch Hanma (from a very safe distance) try to build the tallest snowman that he can muster. Not wanting to be caught in the carnage that would be the string bean himself falling, you two are behind a sturdy tree while he’s putting snowballs together. Hanma fully believes that he can do it, and he surprisingly pulls it off after about three hours. Yes, y’all really stayed out there for three hours, watching him put together a snowman as tall as possible. If you’re somebody that likes the cold, then you’re not really that bothered, but you and Kisaki agree to huddle for warmth because he, admittedly, is shaking like a leaf. But if you don’t like the cold, you two agree to go inside and watch from the window. Y’all don’t want him to die, and him somehow dying by his own actions seems a very on-par thing for him. Hanma manages to build it to about 7’9 feet tall with no injuries, thankfully. Kisaki thinks its eyes are beady and shudders. Hanma thinks it’s the greatest thing ever and proceeds to try and make a taller snowman. You and Kisaki have emergency services on speed dial…

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💕 Rindou is outside jogging. He keeps his body in top shape, and he does not care about the weather. He actually doesn’t seem to fear the weather much, truth be told. You’ve seen him in the beating sun working out one summer (but that was also the same summer he got that sunburn and refused to exercise outside in the summer ever again). He’s probably the type of guy to go to Tornado Alley in the States and be like “a tornado? Headed here? Lemme go see this” while standing outside. If you join him, great. If not, you don’t cuddle with him until he’s no longer covered in snow and sweat, and you playfully call him stinky until he showers. Yes, he complains about the lack of cuddles but comes back out tired. This is optimal cuddle time, for he won’t be trying to wake you up for any errands if your social battery is deader than your former friendships. Will bury his head in your neck and hold you like you’ll disappear if he doesn���t. At one point, when Takemichi was doing his time travel business, that was always a possibility. He doesn’t like to think of those timelines where he had to live without you. He also will give you lazy kisses as he falls asleep, telling you how much he loves you. He doesn’t know when it’ll be the last time he does.

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💕 Now why would anybody think Ran would wake up for anything when winter makes him more tired? That man will sleep and will barely wake up even if you told him the house was on fire. Could sleep through an entire apocalypse, even, but he’ll immediately wake up if he feels you getting up. If you do wake him up, he will pretend he’s still asleep so you’d give him more kisses. You almost miss him giggling to himself as he rolls over, conveniently turning on his side so you’ll kiss his other cheek. He’s a cheeky, sneaky little bastard sometimes. Will pounce on you when you’re not looking and pull you back into bed with him. He’s dramatic, so he’ll whine if you escape and act like you’re leaving him to be alone forever, but he won’t make you come back if you really don’t want to. He’ll just miss you a lot until you come back. Will wholeheartedly act like he’s dying and sigh very loudly. He will also come into the room you’re in and flop onto the nearest bit of furniture that’s around and fake cry like he’s a Disney princess (and you have caught him petting an actual raccoon before and not get attacked, so that might not be very far off). If you do want to, prepare to be pelted with kisses.

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💕 You can sense the displeasure in Sanzu’s eyes when you team up with Senju over him. He looks hilariously offended that you would choose her to be your teammate. If the phrase“how could you?!” was a person, it would be Sanzu. Senju, however, is motivated by pure menacery and declares snowball warfare on her brother. Sanzu’s not safe from Senju and she swears she’ll win this war. Once a reluctant Takeomi arrives, it’s game on. Everybody in the vicinity better clear out or else they’ll get caught in the crossfire. You guys spend the day pelting each other with snowballs of various sizes and shapes (yes, Senju had kunai shaped snowballs at one point, you have no idea how she was able to mold them in such a short amount of time). Alas, Sanzu gets revenge on you for throwing a snowball at him after hitting Takeomi, lands a snowball directly on your face, and you “die”. Don’t worry, Senju avenged you by burying him and Takeomi in a pile of snow. She fake gags when Sanzu kisses your cheek in apology.

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💕 Izana hates winter. Absolutely cannot stand it, he immediately starts hunting for his socks and a humidifier as soon as there’s a mild chill in the air. He probably has some sinus issues that could get worse in colder months, which is another reason why he doesn’t like winter. Hilariously, he complains about how he took breathing for granted when one of his nostrils is stuffed while the other one works. You have found him under about 5 different blankets, all of them fleece and weighted with different patterns on them. He’s grumpy, worse than Baji, and can only be bribed into leaving his nest with kisses. Yes, he has actually made a nest with those blankets. He still won’t go anywhere if you have errands to run. Instead, he’ll clean up the place, cook, and then return to his nest where he waits for your return. If you stay with him, he’ll help out around the house but he’ll still go back to his pile after he’s made sure that you’ve been fed. Yes, he will pull you in like the gremlin he is and cuddle you. Does not speak once, only hiss.

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💕 Shinichiro, bless him, tries to get his sleepier siblings to exist in society. Emma’s no trouble, she wakes up pretty easily and is usually in a good mood until Baji comes over, then she’s yelling at him to tell her his hair secrets. Even still, the commotion doesn’t wake up the other gremlins. Izana and Mikey are lazy potatoes that are one fry short of a happy meal, so you end up having to help him. Once they’re done being McMad, you and Shin have some alone time. Y’all spend part of the day putting together a blanket fort and staying there until he has to leave for work. You wait for him to come back at the end of his shift. He temporarily forgot where you were when he left so he goes around the place looking for you until he sees you sticking your head out of the fort, which jump scares him enough to fall onto a napping Mikey, who screams bloody murder and clings to you while dramatically claiming that he’s a victim of attempted fratricide. He kisses your forehead and runs off to shower so he can come back and cuddle. Y’all don’t see Emma tying Baji to a chair Liam Neeson-style and interrogating him for what he does to make his hair perfect.

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💕 Kazutora, the sleepy tiger, reluctantly wakes up and goes to work. He doesn’t leave without cuddling with you for a few minutes. He’ll leave a few kisses on your head before dragging himself out of bed. Yes, he steals your sweaters because they smell like you and it makes him feel closer to you. If they don’t fit, he wears a scarf you wore. He doesn’t care if it’s black or if it’s pink with giant red strawberries on it, it’s yours and he wants to feel like you’re with him. If neither of y’all have work or anything to do, you two either stay in or go outside for a bit. Even sitting on the porch or balcony with a warm drink is enough for you two. He’s so pretty in his landscape with snow or rain falling all around, cheeks and nose bitten pink from the chill and his lips slightly reddened by whatever warm drink you two made. He doesn’t understand why you suddenly kissed him, but he’ll never complain and he’ll always kiss you back. He’s your lock screen, but he doesn’t know yet. He’ll probably find out later on, and he’ll blush so much while you laugh and hug him. You make his heart warm up just a little bit more in the winter air.

[wttcsms]

angels like you can't fly down here with me (i'm everything they say i would be), megumi fushiguro ;

pairing megumi fushiguro x f!reader word count 11k  synopsis people like him don't get happy endings but megumi fushiguro (foolishly) considers himself to be the exception — after all, he has you. content contains yakuza au, childhood friends to lovers, mutual pining, breeding kink, slight daddy kink, attempted sa, minor violence & depictions of blood author's note if ur on my ao3, you know this is from 2021!!! my writing has changed up since then, but i'm going to be releasing a revised version of this which will be rewritten and feature more scenes, more worldbuilding, more plot, relationship and character development, etc!! i figured releasing this on tumblr would help me gauge how worthwhile revision of this fic will be, so lmk if u like this au & want to see it become even better <3

Don’t do it.

He repeats the command inside his head again, and then one more time for good measure. (And then another time, just to drive the point across.)

He won’t — can’t; isn’t really allowed to — get into (another!) fight.

(Well, there’s a part of Megumi that knows that despite Gojo’s sing-songy warning of “now, now, Megumi, I don’t need a frequent visitor’s card for the principal’s office”, he doesn’t actually care. All he’s really concerned about — if the mild interest the reckless teenager turned legal guardian shows can even be called that — is whether or not Megumi wins.

And he does.

Every. Single. Time.)

For the most part, Megumi Fushiguro is fairly stoic in general, but to a concerning degree when one accounts for the fact that he’s only ten years old. For the odd three or so years he’s been under Gojo’s wing, Megumi’s mask of disinterest stopped becoming a mask and started becoming a part of him.

(Try as he might, Gojo’s not nearly as funny as he thinks he is. Maybe the connection between them might have been stronger if Gojo was a bit more responsible and if he was actually present, but he’s got his own shit to deal with. Besides, Gojo’s under the impression that what he’s doing isn’t cruel, but rather a means to an end. Megumi’s never going to be able to get stronger if he doesn’t learn how to survive on his own.

After all, being alone and having to fight to survive is the life people like them live.)

The older preteens in the area have a bad habit of picking on the younger students. Because the elementary and middle schools are so close together, the younger students who have the misfortune of walking alone tend to be targets for bullies in need of pocket change or a good laugh. Most of the time, they get both.

As of late, everyone’s favorite target happens to be Megumi Fushiguro, the boy with the messy black hair and indifferent attitude, even when confronted by boys two years his senior and almost a whole entire head taller than him.

Last week, Megumi gave the three older boys dumb enough to harass him for money bloody noses, bruised egos, and a thirst for revenge. That was the first (and supposed to be the last) time he got into a fight (for this school year, at least — something Gojo had told him, while winking). So, even when the trio is back together again, taunting him and trying to get him to take the first swing, Megumi keeps walking forward with his perpetual look of disinterest, those cold blue eyes of his staring straight at the path ahead of him, never paying any mind to the gangly bodies of the middle school boys who keep trying to block him from moving.

Don’t do it.

He tells himself this once more. You don’t want to have to inconvenience Gojo. Then, you’ll be stuck listening to him pretend to lecture you. You don’t like spending too much time with Gojo. He’ll make weird jokes. 

The thought of having to deal with Gojo’s presence is enough to get Megumi to unclench his fists.

“Move.”

It’s the first thing he says to the group since they started following him after school. He tells the boy with the brown hair this. The brunet seems to be their ringleader of sorts, and even as nothing more than a ten year old child, Megumi knows that being twelve/thirteen and harassing little kids for sport is a sign of patheticness that will only grow and fester into something darker unless someone beats some sense into them. Obviously, they didn’t learn their lesson from last week.

“Huh? What the hell did ya just say, ya little brat?” The brown haired boy sneers, looking down at Megumi.

School has just let out, so there are dozens of kids of all ages walking down the sidewalk. They’re all aware of the situation happening, but everyone chooses to turn a blind eye to it. Partly because this is such a common occurrence that it just starts to become something that blends into the scenery, but also because there are some rumors surrounding the Fushiguro kid that’s enough to make anyone with a heart of gold reluctant to come to his rescue.

The main rumor circulating around the school is that Megumi Fushiguro has ties to the yakuza. Granted, most kids his age have no idea what the yakuza is, and even those who somewhat know only know through exaggerated definitions from their older siblings. Generally, everyone just accepts the fact that the yakuza is bad, and by default, Megumi Fushiguro must be bad too. Older siblings tell their younger siblings to avoid “that boy” at all costs, unless they want to end up with a finger cut off. Megumi’s classmates huddle together and conveniently choose to look everywhere else but at him when on the playground.

For anyone else, this might have been enough to cause some hurt feelings. Everyone thinks the boy must be some type of stupid to be so oblivious to the rumors centered around him, but the truth is this: Megumi is well aware of what people whisper about behind his back; he just doesn’t care enough to prove them wrong.

And they’re not wrong, anyway.

(For some parts of the rumors, at least.)

Because it’s true — Megumi does have ties to the yakuza. His father, who he can’t seem to attach neither a name nor a face to, must have done something bad. Something bad enough to have him cross paths with Satoru Gojo, the young head of the Gojo Clan, one of Tokyo’s most prominent crime families. It’s the same Gojo who decided to adopt both Megumi and his stepsister, Tsumiki, despite having nothing (so far) to gain from it. After all, why would a teenager willingly assign himself the responsibilities of caring for small children — one who resembles the man that tried to kill him and the other being an ill little girl confined to a hospital bed for who knows how long. All Gojo gets from this deal is a headache, bills, and more problems than necessary.

Megumi’s not really sure how the rumors started in the first place. He thinks it’s because kids his age are easily influenced and have a tendency to run wild with their imaginations. With the rising popularity of gangs from the high school students, this interest seems to have trickled all the way down to the elementary levels. Megumi certainly fits the description of their idea of someone from the yakuza: silent, secretive, scary.

(If they were a little bit older, maybe they would have just seen him as an introvert.)

No matter how ridiculous the rumors get, though, it doesn’t change the fact that the root of them is true: he is connected to the yakuza. After all, he’s being primed and prepped to be someone of value in the clan. Once you’re tied with the likes of them, you might as well just resign to the knot fate’s trapped you with. He’s learned quickly that the only thing harder than getting into the yakuza is getting out.

And because his sister’s and his life both depend on him doing as he’s told, getting out is a funny pipe dream at best and the Fushiguro siblings’ cause of death at worst.

“I told you to move. You’re blocking my way.” Megumi’s tone of voice betrays nothing. Annoyance, maybe, but he speaks flatly regardless of how he’s truly feeling. Gojo says it’s kinda creepy. Gojo also says that being a little creepy isn’t bad.

(Gojo should know; he’s a certified creep in Megumi’s eyes.)

“Oh — so the little boy can speak up.” The boy with blond hair laughs. It’s a nasally sound that grates Megumi’s ears.

He’s not an idiot. Megumi is well aware of the fact that no matter how much he feels like it isn’t true, he’s still just a little ten year old boy. He should be playing with the toy cars Gojo bought him, not worrying about the gritty future that lies ahead. But still, the phrase rubs him the wrong way.

Little boy.

He wasn’t so little when he kicked them down to his height before properly bashing their faces, now was he? Even now, he can feel the anger coming up. He clenches his fists, wondering if he’ll get suspended for fighting right next to school property.

“Leave him alone.”

Another voice appears, but not from any of the boys. No — this time, it’s coming from a little girl on the sidewalk across from theirs. Everyone involved turns to stare at the source of such a command and are greeted with the sight of you with a Hello Kitty backpack. You’ve got a frown on your face that doesn’t match the brightness of your pink outfit.

Megumi recognizes you instantly. You’re in the same class as him. You were in the same class as him last year, too. He tilts his head, trying to figure out what exactly it is you’re trying to accomplish here — and why.

He knows his social standing in the school. If he’s at the bottom, you’re right at the top. A beaming pillar of light, everyone flocks to you like moths after a flame. But you’re alone today, not surrounded by the usual crowd of boys and girls who are often vying for your attention. Seeing you alone enables him to see you more clearly, without all the distractions getting in his way.

You’re small. Shorter than him, and way shorter than the middle school boys. You’ve got a bow in your hair and brand new shoes on your feet. If anybody should be socially aware, it has to be you. Those at the top, Megumi knows, like to remind everyone of their placement. You shouldn’t be here. You should be ignoring him like he’s got the plague, just like everyone else.

All three of the boys start to laugh after sizing you up. The laughter only serves to make you even more irritated, but you can’t speak because one of them is already talking through his laughs.

“Don’t tell me. Is this your girlfriend?”

The group erupts into more laughter, and while Megumi’s expression remains the same as it’s been for the past few minutes, yours only shows your growing contempt.

“She’s no one.” Megumi throws you an odd look, one of neither annoyance nor gratitude for trying to help him out. He uses your presence as a distraction, and he manages to take a few more steps before one of the boys is yanking him back by his bookbag.

“Grab her.” One of the boys says, and the third boy, the one with the messy red hair, starts to cross the street.

Megumi watches as you stay right where you are. Are you stupid? Why won’t you run? The boy still has a solid grip on his bookbag, keeping him in place. He wonders if it’ll be a waste of his breath if he tells you to start running — you probably wouldn’t listen to him anyway.

But then Megumi figures out why you don’t look too frightened, because not even a second before the older boy manages to cross the street to your side of the sidewalk, a man in a suit is running towards you, a scowl on his face.

“You said you were going to the restroom, young lady!” The man scolds you while panting for breath. He surveys the scene, looking at you, and then the middle school boy by your side before turning his head and seeing Megumi in between the other two boys. “What’s going on? Is everything alright? Did they do anything to you?”

“No, Mr. Higashi. B-but—“ Your bottom lip starts to tremble, and even though Higashi is certain that the tears about to fall are fake, the situation itself looks serious enough to the point where he doesn’t call you out on it. “Th-these boys are being really mean.” You let out a high pitched wail that makes the boy let go of Megumi’s bookbag. “They just threatened to attack me and my friend out of nowhere.”

“Your father will be informed.” Higashi frowns, eyeing the guilty boys who look confused and a little shocked at this turn of events. “Mr. [Surname] certainly won’t be pleased to hear about this.”

The middle school boys pale when they hear the man name drop your family’s surname.

After all, it’s the same last name that’s engraved on plaques all over the school, thanking your family for the many donations they’ve received.

You enter into Megumi’s life that way: unexpectedly. He never thanked you for intervening, but it’s not like you did it for the thanks anyway. You did it, you tell him, because you figured he needed some help.

“I had it handled.” He tells you flatly. “Why are you even sitting here? Your friends keep staring at us.”

It’s true. Stories of what happened are already circulating around both schools, and while all your friends spent the whole entire day pestering you for the full story, you chose to keep quiet about the situation. And now, here you are, choosing to sit and eat lunch with Megumi, someone who also knows the true story of what went down but the only one people aren't brave enough to ask.

Your whole entire table of friends keep their heads huddled together as they go back and forth with each other, every one of them sparing glances at Megumi’s table. It makes the rice in his mouth taste stale. He should have just stayed in the classroom to eat, especially if he knew you would be bothering him.

“Gee, is that any way to treat a friend?” You huff, not at all actually annoyed with him.

“We’re not friends.”

“Too late. I told my dad we were.”

There has been one question on his mind ever since that incident. Just who exactly is your father? He’s not stupid; he knows that you must come from a wealthy family. If the buildings and auditorium named after your family isn’t enough proof, the fact that you always have the latest toys, the nicest shoes, the cutest stationery sets — that’s material proof of a spoiled princess.

You continue speaking, and as if you can read his mind, you’re already answering his question. “My daddy’s called a CEO. But the man you saw is Mr. Higashi. He takes care of me when dad’s away at work, and everything I do gets typed up in a report that dad sees every day. He wasn’t happy about what happened, so he says the boys will get in trouble. He told us not to worry, though.” You have a pleased smile on your face, waiting for Megumi to say something in reply.

“Okay.” He says, after a while. He only spoke because it seemed like you were waiting for him to. “It doesn’t mean we’re friends.”

“What’s so wrong about being friends with me?” You tilt your head. Everyone wants to be friends with you. And that’s before they even figure out that you live in a real life mansion with actual servants, and that sometimes you’re allowed to eat dessert for dinner. Even without the wealth, you still draw people in, whether it be with your bright smile or cheery attitude.

“Don’t you already have enough friends?” He can’t figure out what you could possibly want with him. Even though Gojo’s got the backing of the clan and enough funds to run the Tokyo underground with cash to spare, it’s not like Megumi is in a position to take advantage of it. Gojo hands him a thick wad of cash every week with a tip to “spend wisely, hehehehe”, and Megumi takes the tip to heart. A majority of the money sits saved in his bedroom, underneath a floorboard he spent a week trying to figure out how to loosen without anyone catching on. (Which was actually easy whenever he realized that nobody seems to really watch him to begin with.) So, he doesn’t look like he has money, and isn’t that what all rich kids want? To surround themselves with equally rich kids?

“I guess.” Your bubbly mood seems to dampen a bit at the mention of the other kids. They like you, sure. But they like each other a lot more. The gap between you and the other kids isn’t noticeable at first, but the novelty of having an endless supply of company has lost its luster. Meanwhile, the glamor of your life only keeps the hoards of “friends” to grow as the days go by. It’s always “let’s have a sleepover at [Names]’s!” or “[Name], we have to go to your house because you have the best toys!”. You wonder if they like you, or the shiny things that they get when they’re with you. “But, it’s not like youhave any friends.”

“I don’t need any.” The response is quick — instinctual. Gojo, even if not the greatest guardian by any parental standards, still presses Megumi to have a proper (or, as proper as it can be) childhood.

(“You know, I don’t care if you bring any friends over. Just make sure no one ends up accidentally getting shot, okay, Megumi?”

Yeah, because that’s definitely gonna push him towards throwing as many parties as he wants.)

People in his position don’t have many friends. It’s hard to, he assumes, because of all the killings and betrayals and power plays.

(And, he’ll soon learn that it hurts a lot less to lose an enemy than it does a friend.)

“Hmm. Okay.”

But you don’t get up from your seat, and he doesn’t tell you to move.

The next day, you’re carrying two bento boxes. The lunches are prepared for you by world class chefs and everything is done in a rather cutesy manner to entice you into not wasting your food. The fruit is cut into pretty shapes, the food has picks with animals on them, and everything is colorful and to your own personal tastes.

You take a seat next to him once again. He looks up for a second, sees that it’s you, and returns back to his meal that looks pitiful in comparison. Leftover rice and some cold meat. You think it’s the same thing he had last time.

“For you.” You slide the second bento you had requested towards him before opening up your own.

“What’s this for?”

“For you to eat, silly.”

“...How much?”

“Huh? All of it, I guess? If you don’t like something, tell me, and I’ll request something different tomorrow.” You don’t quite understand what he’s asking you.

“No. How much does it cost? I'll bring you the money tomorrow.”

“Why would it cost you?” Now you’re really confused.

Didn’t anyone ever teach you that everything comes attached with a price? If it’s not money you want, it must be something else. At least, if Megumi’s judgments are right. (And they usually are.)

“Fushiguro, I brought you this because I want you to eat well and grow strong.”

He wonders what rice shaped like Hello Kitty has to do with his strength.

“Also, so the next time people give you or me trouble, you can fight them, okay?”

Oh. So it’s protection you want. He contemplates what he thinks your request is before popping a piece of food into his mouth. A meal made with care — he can taste the thought that’s been put into it. Shoving his old lunch to the side, he quickly starts eating at the one you brought him.

Okay. So maybe he does accept your offer.

“Meguuuumi.” You whine out his name, messing up the navy sheets of his bed while he sits at his desk, trying to finish his application for university. “I’m bored.”

“Good. Go to your own house then, and leave me alone.”

“You’re so mean to me.” You sigh, turning your head so that half of your face is pressed against his pillow. The scent of his shampoo still sticks to the fabric, and you subconsciously inhale the scent some more. It’s familiar and reminds you of him, your favorite person in the world.

No one believes you when you tell them that Megumi is your best friend. No one wants to believe that it’s true. After all, the two of you look more like a shoujo manga trope than an actual pair of best friends. The cold, inexpressive dark haired male lead with a secretive past he doesn’t want anyone to know about and the bright, bubbly, ball of energy that is constantly clinging to his side. It’s like looking at night and day with you two.

“And yet, you’re still always here.”

You’re still by his side, even when the two of you reached middle school and high school together, and he spent a majority of his time starting (and finishing) fights.

(“Get off of him!” You screamed, yanking on the collar of one of the boys who happened to be trying to grab Megumi from behind. You don’t have the same amount of strength as them, but everyone at this point knows who you are and who exactly your father is. No matter what the origin of the fight is won’t matter; all that matters is that the precious daughter of one of Tokyo’s richest CEOs got caught in it, and that’s enough to get everyone involved into some deep shit.

Immediately, the boy scampers off, and the other boy Megumi was punching into the squeaky clean floors of the hallway begins to thrash around wildly, eyes wide at the sudden sight of you. Seeing you coming from behind Megumi is like watching the sun peek through a dozen storm clouds.

Megumi gives him one last punch, not nearly as satisfied as he thought he would be. Honestly, getting into fights with low level delinquents is beneath him. It’s not just his knuckles and clothes that are getting dirty; by feeding into the school’s image that he’s this young, violent yakuza heir, he’s dirtying the prestige Gojo claims is oh so important.

“Megumi.” He straightens up at the sound of your voice, which usually sounds so sweet, especially when it’s directed towards him. Instead, you have an uncharacteristic frown on your face and you sound… mad. “Let’s go.”

You’ve got a hand wrapped around his wrist, and people part when they spot the two of you making a hasty exit. The teachers aren’t bold enough to cause a scene with you, and the students know both you and Megumi are practically untouchable — one being the spoiled brat daughter of a rich and powerful businessman, the other, a ticking time bomb with ties to the yakuza.

You don’t stop walking until the two of you are in a secluded courtyard at the school. No one goes here, mainly because it’s in such an inconvenient location and there’s nothing but trees and weeds over growing it. The two of you found it within your first week of being here, and ever since then, it’s become your designated spot to avoid prying eyes.

“I thought you were over stupid fights. You told me yourself that they weren’t the type of people worth beating up.” You scold him, forcing him to take a seat on the bench that creaks under his weight. You make a noise as you inspect the drying blood on his knuckles.

If an outsider were to look at the scene before them, they would gape at the unbecoming sight of you on your knees, in between his legs, too close for a duo who claims to be “just good friends”. But there’s nothing inherently dirty in your thoughts. Instead, you’re staring thoughtfully at his hands, inspecting the minor damage done to them.

Megumi swallows hard as he looks down on you. He shouldn’t be feeling like this — you’re his best friend, his only friend. The only person who’s by his side. If you could read in his mind, there’s no doubt that you would be recoiling away from him in disgust…)

You’re still by his side, even when he told you the truth about himself after waiting years to see if you were truly his friend or not.

(“The rumors—” He starts to say, but you shush him, rolling over on your side to face him. The two of you are lying on the grass in your massive backyard, trying to spot a shooting star that’s supposed to be passing by at any second now.

“I don’t care about that.” You tell him. Middle school was a bitch to deal with, mainly because as everyone was in the process of growing up and “maturing”, so did the rumors they spread. Now, the two of you are halfway through your first week of high school. A new school, a couple of new classmates, and new rumors surrounding the odd pair.

“If I told you the rumors about me being someone you should avoid were true, would you be mad?” He’s lying on his back, still staring up at the night sky. He’s not turning to face you, almost as if he’s scared to look at you.

“Yes.” You answer without any hesitation. “At the person who’s spreading that around.” You clarify, poking him on his side to lighten the somber mood he’s setting. “You’re the only real friend I’ve had in forever, Megumi. I don’t think what anyone says about you would change that.”

“What if I did something bad?” Like kill a person. What then? What would you think of him if he told you the full truth: that Gojo told him that he can’t shield Megumi from the dirtier aspects of this type of life. That he’s spent hours after school, hours after hanging out with you and pretending to be a normal teenager, learning how to assemble, disassemble, and then reassemble a gun. That his target practice isn’t glass bottles lined up in a row or sheets printed out with human bodies. What happens if he told you that his target practice was low level scum from rival yakuza clans that Gojo couldn’t be bothered to kill himself?

“Mmm. How bad are we talking? Like, lied to me when you said my Christmas outfit looked good but half my ass was practically exposed bad or committing a felony bad?”

“What if I told you… that I really was a yakuza heir.”

The silence is palpable and especially soul crushing to Megumi as he waits for your reply.

“It wouldn’t matter to me, Megumi.” You say. You know that this isn’t just some type of hypothetical question he’s asking for fun. From his odd living situation to the intense nature of him in general to the fact that he knows practically everything about you, but you barely know the full extent of his childhood traumas despite growing up alongside him, you know deep in your heart that there has to be something going on with him. Something dark enough to harbor stories about him.

“Are you sure about that?”

You reach for his hand in the dark, finding it without really needing to look. He’s not one that’s prone to initiating physical contact, but you found out that he doesn’t really mind when you reach for him first.

“You can’t get rid of me, no matter how crazy or fucked up you think your life is.” You squeeze his hand, still staring at him.

You don’t notice the shooting star flying past the night sky, but Megumi is looking right at it. He knows what he’s wishing for.

For your words to be true.)

You’re still by his side, even when he brought you to his sister’s bedside. She’s sick, afflicted with something no one knows, not even the private doctors that Gojo’s spent millions on. She was still conscious, albeit confined to her bed when the two of you first met, but she’s been in a coma ever since the last year of middle school. You were by his side as he broke down about the news. It was the first time you’ve ever seen him cry.

So, no matter how much it may seem like he’s pushing you away, you don’t budge. For someone smaller than him and definitely weaker, you’re awfully resilient. And while people make the occasional joke, telling you to “blink twice if you need help”, you don’t pay any attention to them. If only they knew the truth: that you’ve got Megumi Fushiguro, heir to a massive yakuza clan, wrapped around your dainty finger.

He’s so whipped that he found himself asking Gojo for a rare favor.

(“College?” Gojo rubs the back of his neck, staring at Megumi. “I mean, I guess it’ll be good for you. Meet a wild party girl, take her to your dorm room, tame her—”

“An education is the whole point of attending, you know.” Megumi interrupts him before Gojo can jump into a story highlighting all of his sexual endeavors with college girls back in the day.

“Eh. I guess.” But then a grin lights up the feature of the man who [kind of/by definition] raised him. “But y’know what I know for a fact.” He wiggles his eyebrows, his glasses slipping down his nose as he tilts his head downwards. “You wanna follow [Name].”)

It doesn’t really matter if he’s not good enough to get into the university you’ve already received an early acceptance for. Because Gojo tries to make up for being an absent father figure, he fills in those empty spaces with cold, hard cash. All it takes is one nice donation, and Megumi’s wherever he wants to be.

Where he wants to be, he realizes, is to be by your side. Wherever you go, he’ll gladly follow. Funnily enough, despite the two vastly different backgrounds the both of you come from, you both have similar means of getting what you want.

Your father had already looked over the list of universities you had in mind, and all you could do was excitedly squeal and start rambling the moment the acceptance letters came in the mail. Despite the fact that your father’s physically absent from your life most of the time, he still tries to show he cares in the things he does for you. If paying off over half a dozen major universities in order to make you happy is something he has to do, he’ll do it without batting an eye.

It’s the same thing on Megumi’s end. Granted, Gojo’s means are more along the lines of using money as a lubricant and then death as an inevitable. Money talks, a gunshot to the head silences. Nobody can accuse anyone of taking bribes if said accused person is in a grave six feet under.

Sometimes, Megumi wonders how you’re just so oblivious to the fortunate circumstances in your life. You chalk up a lot of your father’s wishes as just “good luck”. In school, you’re placed on a pedestal, revered as some goddess-like, otherworldly being. People are practically tripping over themselves, running towards you for a crumb of your attention. Anyone sane would gladly wield this power and use it for all its worth. Not you, though. Not you, who’s kind and considerate and completely clean from the corruptness that plagues everyone else.

Megumi knows good and well that he’s not a hero — couldn’t be farther from it, if he’s being honest. He doesn’t feel a moral obligation to go out and rid the world of all evil. (It’d be hypocritical, he thinks, considering the fact that he’s most likely belonging under the evil category himself.) From a young age, he’s already known and come to terms with his fate. He’s going to train and learn from the best, and eventually, he will succeed as head of the clan. That is his purpose. That right there is the reason why he’s still alive today. That is why he can find himself sitting at his desk, submitting an application that’s already guaranteed to be followed up with an acceptance letter, ready to pretend for four more years that he’s normal.

“D’you think college will be fun?” You ask him, making yourself comfortable in his bed.

“No.”

You laugh at that. You like Megumi for a lot of reasons, and his honesty is one of them. Despite the fact that he likes to keep most of the darker details of his life to himself, you know that he would never lie to you. In a world full of people who are constantly lying, it gets tiring trying to figure out who’s real and who’s fake. It doesn’t help that you want to believe in everyone either. If you didn’t have Megumi loyally staying by your side all this time, you doubt you would have made it this far in your life without anyone taking advantage of you and your kindness.

“My dad said I can finally get a boyfriend when I go to college.” You say this fact so casually that Megumi almost — almost — gets fooled into believing that this is not a cause for concern. Almost.

“Oh.” He’s at a loss for words. He knows that it’s inevitable; that one day, you’ll find a guy you like and want to get closer to him. He knows that you’re not always going to be by his side, and he knows that it’s going to happen because he’ll have to push you away eventually. The older he gets, the deeper he’s burying himself into his grave. He doesn’t want you to get caught in the crossfire.

It’s not like boys have never tried approaching you before. People have spent years thinking that you and Megumi were a couple, and then after finding out from you that the two of you are nothing more than “best friends”, boys were still hesitant to talk to you. The glare Megumi would give them from behind your shoulder acted as a strong enough deterrent.

“I know. Now the only problem is finding a guy who’ll actually wanna date me.”

“They all will.” The words leave his mouth faster than he can even think about them. He’s not wrong, though. Every time the two of you are out in public together, he sees people shooting quick glances at you, at your ass, at your bright smile. The looks they give are predatory, dangerous, even. If it’s not your looks, it’s your shining personality that draws them all in. And if that’s not good enough, there’s always the enormous wealth attached to your last name. That’s the key to getting them to stay.

“You can be so sweet sometimes, you know that?” You giggle, glad that he’s still typing away on his laptop. If he were to look at you right now, he would see that you’re reacting way too positively to such a lackluster compliment. It’s not like he listed reasons on why anyone would ever want to date you, so he probably could just be complimenting you to make you happy.

(That’s just the excuse you’re going with. You know your best friend — that means you know that he would never say something he doesn’t truly think or believe.)

There’s a secret you’ve been keeping from him. A secret so big that you think you might’ve been keeping it from yourself, too. Something so big that your body simply can’t contain it any longer.

You like Megumi. 

Of course you do. You keep telling the whole world what great friends the two of you are. You talk to him about your dad all the time (which must mean he’s important, because you rarely get to speak to your dad, so you have to choose your topics of conversation wiseley). You trust him more than you trust yourself. Ever since middle school, you’ve been telling yourself that you liking Megumi isn’t anything to be ashamed or confused about. You like him because he’s your friend, and you’re supposed to like your friends.

And then you came to terms with the fact that you like Megumi beyond the borders of friendship.

It starts with you seeing him the way other girls must see him. You’re not blind, you know. It’s obvious that Megumi is far from ugly. If he wasn’t so intimidating, you’re sure he would have had his fair share of confessions, too. Megumi’s pretty, although calling him a pretty boy wouldn’t do his character justice. He’s got lashes people pay extensions for theirs to look like, and the prettiest dark blue eyes you’ve ever seen, and his hair, which he doesn’t put forth any type of effort in, always looks good whereas the same hairstyle would look messy on anyone else.

It’s not just his looks, though. Even if you look like the type of person who would judge others based on such shallow standards, you didn’t approach Megumi simply because he’s attractive. He’s… interesting. He’s got this reputation for being a delinquent, and maybe all the fights on his school record prove it, but he’s surprisingly respectful. He’s the type of guy who gets up from his seat to let an eldery woman have it. He loves animals. He’s honest and sweet despite his seemingly stoic nature, and he’s so oblivious to just how good he is.

Maybe it’s because he’s so blinded by the light that is you. You, with your cutesy bento boxes that used to be made by your team of personal chefs but are now made with your own manicured hands. You, with that bright smile of yours that he wants to always see because god — he thinks he would be willing to destroy the whole world if something were to ever make you so upset. You’re kind and beautiful and everything people write love songs about. You’re so good, and he’s nothing like you.

He’s nothing like you, because he highly doubts that you spend your time fantasizing about him like he does with you. It’s wrong, he thinks. And dirty, and disgusting, and vile. You’d hate him, he’s sure of it, if you knew what he thinks about late at night. That he sits on his bed with his cock pulled out from his shorts, leaking with precum as he strokes himself to the thought of you. Do you not see him as any other guy? Despite your lack of experience, surely you know just how dirty boys’ minds can be? You’ve got to be conscious of the fact that he’s any other guy, right? So, why — why — do you always roll around in his sheets, letting your sweet perfume stick to his sheets. Your tiny tops and skirts are always clinging tight to your body, and you never feel the need to readjust your clothing when it rides up. Do you not see him trying his hardest to look you in the eyes when the two of you are talking, despite the tantalizing sight of your skirt bunching up, exposing the smooth skin of your thighs?

Little does Megumi know (and if you have your way, he’ll never find out), you spend nights in your room, whining and trying to stuff your cunt with the same fingers that painstakingly made him his lunch. He’s your best friend since childhood. He looks at you like you’re an angel, and you don’t want to destroy that image by revealing just how dirty you really are. How every time he gets so close to you, you subconsciously bring your thighs together, trying to rub them together in a poor attempt to relieve some tension. He’d be disgusted with you, you’re sure of it. Maybe even betrayed.

Besides, it would never work out. Megumi doesn’t see you the way you see him. He might look at you with a soft look you’ve never seen him give anyone else, but that’s because you’re his only friend. It’s not like he’s harboring any hidden feelings for you, and just because you’re so convinced that there’s no one better than Megumi around, it doesn’t exactly mean that you won’t feel this way about anyone else.

Megumi’s got a rather monotone cadence with his voice, so you’re not too surprised by his seemingly unethusiatic response to you saying you’re now allowed to date. Still — there’s a slight pang of disappointment when you realize that he doesn’t sound jealous at the prospect of you dating someone else.

You decide right then and there that the healthiest thing to do now is to just bury your feelings for him deep inside your heart, to tightly pack in all those pesky feelings and store them away so you can make room to allow others to fill in his space.

gumi <3: where are you? gumi <3: i’m feeling tired and i have an assignment due tomorrow. i’m going home. gumi <3: you know i wouldn’t leave without you. cmon [name]. let’s leave now

Megumi frowns at his phone. He can clearly see that all his messages are being delivered, not to mention that he’s already called you twice and has been sent to voicemail twice. He can be patient when he wants to be, but right now, he’s getting a little pissed.

You know that he doesn’t like parties, and you know that he doesn’t hang out with the same people you do. He also knows that you don’t even really like most of the people you surround yourself with, so whyyou suddenly decided to do a 180 and reestablish your throne as the head of the social pyramid, he doesn’t know.

Lately, things between the two of you have been a little… weird. Sometimes he catches you staring at him with a sad smile on your face; one that you immediately replace with your usual one when you realize he’s looking right at you. Despite him asking you if everything’s okay, you vehemently deny that there’s anything wrong, and you’re quick to change the subject.

He thinks he’s losing his best friend, his only friend. And maybe it only hurts because he’s grown used to your presence in his life. Maybe it hurts because you’re his friend. But he knows the truth. It hurts because he’s losing you.

Did he do something wrong? Did he accidentally somehow reveal the extent of his feelings for you? Did you suddenly decide that maybe associating with someone like him isn’t something you’re meant for? Do you…

Do you hate him now?

It doesn’t matter. Maybe it does, but not right now. Right now, he’s more focused on getting the hell out of this stuffy ass living room, filled to the brim with drunken young adults and people he couldn’t care less about. The only person that matters right now is you, and he’s on a mission to find your location.

He’s got this ominous feeling in his gut, like something bad is about to happen. He’s Megumi Fushiguro, for fuck’s sake, so bad things have a habit of following him wherever he goes. But still, he’s made a personal promise to himself that no matter how bad things get, you’ll never get caught in the crossfire. He’s willing to die to keep that vow.

If you don’t reply to him, you most likely have a good reason. He doesn’t want to be clingy, is pretty damn certain he doesn’t even have a right to be, but he’s still worried about you. He’s pushing past the wall of sweaty bodies, trying to catch a glimpse of your hair color, the waft of your perfume, the familiarity of your laugh, but he can’t catch a single crumb of you anywhere.

You’re nowhere in sight, and he’s immediately filled with dread.

He yanks a guy who’s coming from upstairs.

“Ow, man, what the fuc—”

“Is anyone else up there?” Most of the time, the parties are restricted to just the first floor, with the unspoken rule being that only the upstairs should be used for people trying to fuck or to use the bathroom (or, people trying to use the bathroom to fuck). You’re not anywhere downstairs, and if you were simply using the restroom, you would have been back down here by now.

“Shit, I don’t fucking know.” The guy squints at Megumi, as if trying to see if he knows him or not. With the way his expression pales, Megumi comes to the conclusion that the guy might not really know him, but he knows ofhim. Gojo says that with the right reputation, the two concepts are practically synonymous. “But I heard a guy ‘n a girl, I think, walk past the bathroom. I don’t know who, though!”

Megumi lets go of the boy’s shirt, and he’s quick to run off before Megumi can give him any more wrinkles in his shirt — or do something much worse.

He’s thinking. Odds are, it’s probably not even you. With so many people roaming around this house, it’s likely that he just missed your presence. Your phone could have died, so that explains why he can’t reach you.

He finds himself heading up the stairs anyway.

It’s fine. He tells himself. You’re fine. You’re okay. Nobody would dare to touch a single hair on your head unless they want to suffer directly at the hands of Megumi. People around campus call him your guard dog, and it’s not necessarily a nickname he hates.

The atmosphere upstairs is vastly different from the one downstairs. There are no lights turned on, and all the doors to the rooms are closed. He hears a flush coming from one end, and out walks a tipsy girl who’s staggering a bit. There are only so many doors to choose from, and he doesn’t really want to accidentally walk in on two people trying to have sex, but the need to confirm your safety outweighs any possible embarrassment he may suffer from, so he continues on his mission.

The first two rooms are revealed to be empty, leaving just one more. Megumi takes a deep breath before trying to turn the handle.

It’s locked. 

His gut is telling him something isn’t right, but he’s forcing himself to chalk it all up to paranoia. He curses under his breath, wondering why he even let you out of his sights for a single second.

Because he didn’t want to seem clingy. Because he didn’t want you to have any more reasons to keep on pushing him away. 

He decides to call you one more time, and as he’s listening to the dial tone, he hears a faint sound coming from the other side of the locked door.

It’s a phone ringing.

He presses his ear against the door, trying to make out any more sounds he possibly can. Is it still a coincidence when the phone stops ringing right as Megumi is greeted with your voicemail message of “sorry, I can’t come to the phone right now, but you probably should’ve just texted me!”

Without the annoying dial tone distracting him, Megumi can listen a little more clearly to what’s going on. There’s… there’s someone crying.

The voices are muffled, but he can make out bits and pieces of what’s being said.

“—fuck up… crying like a damn bitch… want this.”

He’s heard enough before he’s banging his shoulder against the door.

“OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!” He’s screaming, hitting it again. There’s a chance, the voice of reason inside of him is saying, that it’s not you that’s crying behind that door. Even if it wasn’t, Megumi still wouldn’t have stood by idly. But instinct is telling him that it is you, and that’s enough cause for him to bang his shoulder against the door once again. He hears a scream, and a male voice cursing.

The force of his body banding against it is enough to have the door really test the strength of its lock. Megumi’s never been the bulkiest person in the world, but he’s still got some defined muscle to him. The door is creaking, almost bending to his will, but he fumbles in the dark for the gun safely tucked away by his side.

It’s a gift from Gojo. To speed up the process when something needs to be done quick is what Gojo said it was for. He’s never used it in such close proximity to you, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

No silencer. He forgot the fucking silencer. With the deep bass rumbling from the speakers, he doubts anyone would be able to hear the gun go off anyway. He aims for the handle, pulling back the safety, and fires once, then twice. With a foot aimed at the door, he kicks at it, pleased to see the way the abused door finally bends to his will.

The open door reveals a scene that makes Megumi see red: you, with tear stained cheeks and your clothes bunched up and strewn across the floor with a guy Megumi vaguely recognizes as someone sharing the same Econ class as the two of you — Mahito.

“You fucking bastard.” Megumi practically lunges forward, tossing his gun to the side. He doesn’t see reason, is numb to common sense at this moment. All he feels is the need to hurt this fucker. To make him bleed, to have him on the brink of death, to see the light of life leave his dark eyes.

Mahito is fast, but even he couldn’t imagine the speed that Megumi would possess when pushed to the edge. This is different from the fights you’ve witnessed during school. This is something entirelydifferent.

The first punch has Mahito wincing in pain. The second, third, and fourth ones are thrown back to back, and there’s no time given to recover, no chance to gain the upper hand. He’s falling down, and Megumi’s on top of him, drawing back his fist only to slam it against him again and againand again.

Megumi knows he’s got something fucked up inside of his head — what other explanation is there to reason with why he finds this bloody violence so satisfying? His knuckles are bloody, and he can’t tell where Mahito’s blood starts and where his own ends. There’s a wild grin on his face, one that you’ve never seen before. You’re not sure if it’s a trick of the shadows, but the feral expression on Megumi’s face transforms him from your loyal best friend to something monstrous.

“‘Gumi, st-stop.” The words stumble out of your mouth as hiccups, but you don’t miss the way Megumi’s raised arm freezes in its higher position before he slowly brings it back down to his side. He’s breathing deeply, and all is silent in the room.

As if the sound of your cries is enough to snap him out of his daze, it’s almost scary how fast his mood shifts. Just a second ago, he was hellbent on beating Mahito to a bloody pulp, and now the darkness drowning those blue eyes of his is practically gone. He makes his way to the bed, each step hurried but still hesitant. Do you even want to be near him right now? 

You answer his question with some more small sobs. “‘Gumi, I—”

“Shh, it’s okay, [Name].” He’s picking up your clothes from the floor, ready to help you get dressed. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

“Megumi.” His name seems to be the only thing you’re capable of saying right now. After he helps you get dressed, he’s thrown off guard when you cling to him, with your arms wrapped around his neck and your wet cheeks pressed against his shoulder.

The moment the two of you are exiting the room, both of you far too wrapped up with the other to pay him any mind, Mahito lets out a laugh before groaning at the pain Megumi inflicted.

The two of you don’t know what you just started, but no worries — Mahito has the means of ending it.

It’s only a matter of time.

You’re too good to be true.

You won’t listen to him when he tells you this (you never do), but he swears you’re a fucking angel or something otherwordly. There’s no other possible explanation for just how breathtakingly beautiful you are, or how you’re the only thing consuming his every thought. Despite the fact that all the blood on his hands has reached an amount that he’s sure he’ll never truly be able to wash it all off, you don’t shy away from his touch. As a matter of fact, it seems like you’re keening for it.

“‘Gumi.” You mewl out, sticking out your tongue to lap at the precum on Megumi’s thumb.

You’re well aware of just how dangerous your boyfriend (the title makes you giddy every time you refer to him as that) is, but you know him. You know that the hands of a killer are the hands of your lover, and most of the time, you have a hard time believing the awful things he’s had to do with them. Because right now, those hands that are meant to be weapons are handling you with care, touching you so gently, you would have thought you were made of glass and ready to shatter.

“Look at you, all spread out for me. What happened to my precious, shy little girl, huh?” He removes the hand that was cradling your face back to his cock, stroking his length, the saliva from your tongue acting as a minor lubricant. The first time he fucked you was the first time you’ve ever had sex with anyone ever, and it had been the start of an addiction. You love Megumi. You love everything about him, from his character to his tenacity, all the way down to his cock, with its red tip that’s sticky with pre and leaking out more as he stares down at the obscene position you’re in.

Your face feels warm as he stares down at you, his eyes darkened with a mix of love and lust that you don’t think you’ll ever get used to being on the receiving end of.

“Need you, need you so bad, please, ‘Gumi—” You’re staring up at him, giving him your best doe eyes.

“Fuck.” Just the sight of you beneath him, completely bending to his will, whining out for him to pretty please fuck you has him ready to cum right on the fucking spot. He’s pressing the tip in, his breathing faltering just the slightest as the warmth you provide envelopes the most sensitive part of him, nearly causing him to lose all self control right then and there.

You let out a cry as he pushes himself deeper in you, making himself at home in your gummy walls, one hand gripping your hip and the other holding onto the headboard.

“You feel so good for me, baby, shit.” He hisses, waiting for you to adjust, impatient but willing to bear it if it means it’ll feel better for you in the long run. After all, there’s nothing he wouldn’t do, nothing he wouldn’t endure, just to ensure your happiness.

“Mm — ah — please.” There are still tears welling up in your eyes — precious girl, he hasn’t even began to properly fuck you, and you’re already tearing up? The sight of you completely and willingly at his mercy is enough to get him to start rutting his hips against yours, the satisfying sound of skin slapping against skin resounding and bouncing against the walls of his bedroom that is starting to feel more like the both of yours.

“Y’feel so fuckin’ good for me, baby.” He groans, his pace quickening, the thrusts getting sharper and rougher with every roll of his hips. You’re powerless against his strength, and this type of easy submission feels so natural, feels so good, when it’s him that’s taking advantage of it. “You’ve got the sweetest pussy, y’know that?  I could fuck you forever.”

His praise goes through one ear and out the other with you, but your heart swells up to twice its size. Even if you can’t focus on the words all too clearly, you’re still aware that Megumi’s probably praising you. You can come to this conclusion because he’s always praising you. He’s always so sweet, so gentle, so loving — when it comes to you, that is.

“Hng — daddy!” You can’t help but let out a high pitched moan as he hits that sweet spot inside of you that makes you buck your hips up.

There’s no way you don’t know what you’re doing. Clenching around his cock like that, making those cute little noises that he can’t help but want to hear all the time, and then calling him that.

“Daddy, daddy, daddy.” 

Forget igniting something within him; you whining for him, calling him something that’s the root cause of all his childhood traumas… That’s like dousing him with gasoline and tossing a lighter at him. He’s going to burn through all his energy, channel all this dark, feral energy, and use you as the one unfortunate enough to be on the receiving end.

He fucks into you so deeply that if your eyes weren’t shut tight, there’s no doubt that you wouldn’t see the unmistakable shape of his cock outlined against your tummy. The headboard is banging against the wall, and the squelching sounds of him roughly thrusting in and out of your sopping cunt is so lewd and so dirty that if you had any room to harbor a single ounce of shame, you would be downright embarrassed.

“How about you make me a daddy, huh? How about I fuck a baby in you?” He won’t lie and say it’s not something that’s never crossed his mind. The thought of your stomach round with a life the two of you created is enough to get him to continue with this near-brutal pace he’s set forth. “Doesn’t it sound nice, baby? My baby giving me a baby, what—” He grits his teeth as you tighten up. “—a fucking dream.”

“Baby. Wanna have your babies.” You cry out, tears spilling out and wetting your cheeks as your arms find their way to his neck and broad shoulders, trying to pull him in closer. The heat building up from within you feels like you’re about to fucking explode. “‘Gumi, I love you, Iloveyoupleasegimmeababy—'' Your words are practically unintelligible as you slur them out, the words sticking together as you cum all over his cock, all that pleasure that has been building up now physically tangible, if the white ring encasing his cock every time he pulls out is evidence.

“Fuck! You feel so fucking good. Always so fuckin’ tight.” He’s reaching his own end, and you’re just lying there, trying to recover from such an intense orgasm but unable to as your too sensitive walls clench around the constant intrusion of his cock. Spurred by your little love confession and his mind imagining his daydreams coming true — you, as his cute little housewife, taking care of the kids the two of you made together — he finally shoves himself as deep as he physically can, making sure that as he cums, nothing will spill out.

“‘Gumi.” You whisper, your head resting against his chest, listening to the beat of his heart. “Did you mean it when you said you wanted to start a family?”

He’s silent for a minute.

“I wouldn’t mind starting a family with you.” And he means it. He knows this life isn’t one meant for children — look at how he turned out, for god’s sake — but he thinks that for you, he can do anything. Even make a family work out. As long as it’s what you want, he doesn’t mind how hard it may be.

You snuggle closer to him, burying your face in the warmth of his chest. “Good.” You mumble. “I wanna start a family with you, too.”

Megumi feels… at peace. Like he’s got the whole entire world in the palm of his hands. He wraps his arms around you, and realizes that no — right now, he’s got his world right in his arms.

Mahito likes to play with his food before he devours them whole.

Humans are just so… vulnerable. Even the coldest people have a heart; it’s only a matter of whether or not they find someone warm enough to defrost it. Megumi Fushiguro, for example, likes to walk around this world, acting indifferent and claiming to follow his own moral conduct, only to give himself the biggest weakness he could possibly harbor: you.

He still remembers that party. He still remembers the way you were dressed like a little slut, completely oblivious (or maybe you were just acting coy) to the wolfish stares all the guys were giving you. He had the same class as you. Seen the way you clung to Gojo’s charity case, as if the ground would swallow Megumi whole if you let go of him. You’re cute, and you scream naive virgin, and that’s precisely why Mahito wanted to take you to that bedroom and have his way with you.

And then, your infamous little guard dog bared his teeth and pummeled him into the hardwood of a stranger’s bedroom floor.

Grudges are cancerous. If you don’t deal with it right away, it develops into something worse. It takes over all your internal organs, ruining you ‘til the only thing you can focus on is getting revenge. And the longer you wait, the more vengeful you get. It doesn’t become a matter of ruined pride or reestablishing honor — it becomes about inflicting the most pain one possibly can. It becomes about suffering — about transferring your pain, your anguish, onto someone else.

Mahito isn’t the type to hold grudges, but for Megumi, he’ll make a special exception. He wants to see just how well trained the boy is; after all, he’s been taken under the wing and supervision of Satoru Gojo, the myth himself. Surely, his student must be nearly as skilled, right?

It’s been a long game of watching and waiting on Mahito’s end. A lot of lurking in the shadows and gathering intel. It’s a lot more boring than he anticipated, but today’s the day where all his hard work finally comes to fruition. Megumi Fushiguro is going to regret ever interfering with him that one fateful night. The burning humiliation he’s felt has long since fizzled out, but since he’s already been set on the path of orchestrating Megumi’s destruction, he figures it only makes sense to see it through. You only can let go of a grudge after you get your proper revenge.

He’s been leaving Megumi all sort of taunting, teasing threats any chance he gets. Mahito’s got nothing but disgraced yakuza members on his side; those who have committed acts vile enough to get them kicked out of what is essentially a group of criminals. He knows how to be twisted — hell, twisted might be the only thing he knows how to be.

Killing girls that resemble you and sending him the photos. Taking videos of you when you’re out in public alone. Leaving voicemails for Megumi, ones that leave him pale faced and unable to breathe as he listens to how Mahito wants to tortue you.

Megumi’s been on edge for the past few months, unable to explain to you why. It’s why you don’t understand why Megumi won’t let you go back to your car, even though you left your phone in there.

“I’ll go. Or, we can go together.”

“You have to wait for our coffee! And besides, I don’t even know where I left my phone. It might not even be in the car, but you’ll just waste your time searching for it if it’s not there.”

“So then why do you have to go look for it?”

“Because it’s my phone? Also, I reeeeeallly don’t wanna have to wait for our coffee, so I figured looking for my phone in the car would kill some time.” You give him that sweet smile of yours that he loves so much before waving him goodbye. “I’ll be back by the time our order is ready, pinky promise!”

At the end of the day, it’s all luck. Mahito realizes this as you happily skip out of the crowded cafe, headed towards your car to search for your phone. He doesn’t know why you’re returning back to your car, doesn’t even really care. All he knows and all he cares about is that you’re headed there alone. And while you’ve been alone plenty of times, he’s never had an opportunity quite like this one. A chance to finally detonate the bomb that’s been lying dormant underneath your car, ready to be activated at the press of a button. He could’ve killed you plenty of times already, but it’s not enough to merely murder you. He wants to make it a spectacle, sure, but he also only cares about one audience member watching: Megumi.

From where he’s hiding, blending in with the rest of the customers from the bakery across the street, he’s got a decent enough view of Megumi, who’s sitting by the glass windows, watching you with furrowed brows as you unlock the car door.

Mahito can’t help the cruel smile that spreads across his face as pushes the remote connected to the bomb.

Nobody expects to hear the loud, resounding boom of something exploding. The surrounding cars parked next to yours have their alarms going off like crazy; it’s nothing but high pitched, blaring noises blending together to create a disruptive harmony. People are screaming, someone is on the line with emergency services, and—

—your precious car is set aflame, reduced to a burning pile of scrap metal no salvage yard will take.

In this moment, Megumi Fushiguro’s world crumbles to ashes.

[zedecksiew]

DECOLONISING D&D

In 2019, after seeing yet another round of alarmist discourse in Xwitter about how Dungeons & Dragons is FULL of COLONIALIST tropes and patterns, and needs to be revised, SCRUBBED of its PROBLEMATIC FILTH---I rage-tweeted this brainfart:

"Decolonising D&D"

I've seen this thread round the community, since. Humza K quotes it in Productive Scab-picking: On Oppressive Themes in Gaming. Prismatic Wasteland quotes it in Apolitical RPGs Don't Exist. Most recently, it was referenced in a 1999AD post about Western TTRPGs (an interesting discussion on its own merit; one that already has a counterpoint from Sandro / Fail Forward.)

If folks are still referring to it five years later, maybe I should give the thread a little more credit? Perhaps the fart miasma has crystalised into something concrete.

In the interest of record / saving this thought from the ephemerality of Xwitter, here is the text in full, properly paragraphed, and somewhat more cleanly expressed:

+++

"DECOLONISING D&D"

Firstly: saying "D&D is colonialist" is similar to saying: "the English language is colonialist".

If your method of decolonising RPGs is to abandon D&D---well, some folks abandon English; they don't want to work in the language of the coloniser. More power to them!

For those who want to continue using the "language" of D&D---

Going forth into the "wild hinterland" (as if this weren't somebody's homeland);

to "seek treasure" (as if this didn't belong to anybody);

and "slay monsters" (monsters to whom?)

Yeah. There's some problematic stuff here, and definitely these aspects should make more people uncomfortable.

But! I think it is an error to "decolonise D&D" by scrubbing such content from the game.

That feels like erasure; like an unwillingness to face history / context; like a way to appease one's own settler guilt.

Do you live in the West? Do you live in any Asian urban metropole? White or Person of Colour(tm)---you are already complicit in colonialist / capitalist (yes, of course they are inextricably linked) behaviour. (I can't speak for urban metropoles elsewhere, but I bet they are similar centres of extraction.)

Removing such patterns from the TTRPGs you play might let you feel better, at your game table. But won't change what you are.

I think it is more truthful and more useful NOT to avert one's eyes from D&D's colonialism.

The fact that going forth into the hinterland to seek treasure and slay monsters is a thing, and fucking fun, tells us valuable things about the shape and psychology of colonialism. Why conquistadors in the past did it; why liberal foreign policy, corporations, and post-colonial societies do it today.

Speaking personally:

I write stuff that evokes / deals with the context I'm in---Southeast Asia. An intrinsic part of that is looking at the ways colonial violence has happened to us---as well as the ways / reasons we now, supposedly free, perpetrate it on others.

A long chain of suffering. Heavy stuff.

I also write for people who want to have fun / kill monsters / pretend to be elves, of course. But for those people who want to consider serious stuff like colonialism: I offer no FIGHT THE POWER righteousness, no good feeling, no answers.

Only discomfort. Because the truth is uncomfortable.

Here's a screenshot of the Author's Note for Lorn Song of the Bachelor:

"Any text inspired by Southeast Asia has to reckon with colonialism ... This text presents a difficult situation; there are no easy solutions. "... If I offered a mechanical incentive for you to fight colonial invaders, you wouldn’t be making a moral decision, but a mercenary one. "The choice you face should echo ... the kind of calculus my grandparents faced."

I stand by that.

Also: might we be more precise and more careful about using the term "decolonising", please?

Here I quote Tuck and Yang's landmark and (sadly) still trenchant "Decolonization is not a metaphor":

"Decolonization brings about the repatriation of Indigenous land and life; it is not a metaphor for other things we want to do to improve our societies ..."

+++

Further Reading

So this post isn't just me reheating a hot take, here are some touchstone writings from around the TTRPG community about colonialism as a subject and mode of play in games:

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"Jim Corbett was called upon to hunt down another fifty maneaters over the course of the next 35 years. Together, those tigers had killed over 2000 people, for much the same reasons as the Champawat Tiger - injury, desperation, starvation, and habitat loss. Would you look at that. The root cause was British colonialism."

D&D Doesn't Understand What Monsters Are from Throne of Salt

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"Another effect of having colonizers in my setting would be giving players the opportunity to drive them away from the islands, their home. This maybe just be for the catharsis. After all, isn’t catharsis a big part of why we play roleplaying games?"

I’m Adding Colonizers To My Setting from Goobernut's Blog

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"When you have a slime boy and the other characters are a really fat lizard and one's playing Humpty Dumpty, it completely shatters the straight-faced serious authoritarian illusion of race, and replaces it with complete fucking nonsense. I love the idea of proliferating the number and types of "races" into absurdity, to the point where the entire logical structure of it collapses in on itself and race as a category ceases to become coherent or meaningful in any sense."

Interview with Ava Islam - Designer of the RPG Errant from Ava Islam / The Lost Bay

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"Perhaps most critically, the fundamental basis of power is not land or even money but manpower. That’s what local rulers fight over, and what Chinese commercial networks export, in return for unique island products. It’s what the European colonists really need (even if it’s not what they most desire). There is rich loot to be grabbed in the form of spices, Spanish silver, Indian gold, sea cucumbers (the Chinese love ’em), perfumes, dyes, cloth etc. so there’s ample opportunity for piracy, trade and smuggling, but the key to long-term success – the key to independent survival – is nakedly and unquestionably uniting people."

Counter-colonial Heistcrawl: previous high scores from Richard's Dystopian Pokeverse

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"They worked their own land—which they dispossessed from American Indians—or became small shop owners or opportunistic gold diggers or bounty hunters or itinerant ranchers. To me, substituting these situations for one ruled by industrial monopoly ignores that the Wild West is a perfect example of how capitalism operates outside of (or prior to) mass industry, instead being composed of self-employers and self-sustainers."

Fantastic Detours - Frontier Scum from Traverse Fantasy / Bones of Contention

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"... using the Western framing and D&D's baked-in imperialist and capitalist structure to get people earnestly participating in the experience of forming imperial power structures and the early roots of regional capitalism ... The PCs aren't the drifters on the train or the townsfolk watching with apprehension - they're the railroad itself."

An Arrow for the General: Confronting D&D-as-Western in the Kalahari from A Most Majestic Fly Whisk

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[breathlesswinds]

(Devlog) What We Learned Making A Trans Dating Game

Hello, Amelia here, the writer for Breathless Winds. It's been 250,000+ words, countless revisions, and three years since this game entered development, and I wanted to talk about what I've learned leading up to release.

The concept for Breathless Winds was actually sort of a joke between friends. I was talking with Doris about how there should be a dating game where you play as a trans woman and your dating options revolve around certain ‘tropes’ we’d both seen in trans fiction-- the totally accepting cishet guy who falls in love with the trans heroine before she even knows she’s a woman, the cool trans woman who the heroine doesn’t know if she wants to date or wants to be, and so on.

Doris wound up suggesting we make this game ourselves. We both like visual novels and want to tell LGBT stories. Still half-jokingly and half-seriously, we started fleshing out what the romance options would be and coming up with a setting-- and soon, we were fully committed to making this game real.

I was a fan of visual novels but had only ever written prose. I knew which visual novels I liked and which scenes stood out, but I didn’t know why they did or how to make my own. 

I read some great advice from visual novel developers, but a good amount of my knowledge came from just working on Breathless Winds. As our first project, this game has grown a lot with us and we’ve learned a lot while making it.

Learning How to Write Visual Novels

A bad habit I had to break out of was only using the ‘novel’ part of the game and not the ‘visual’ part. I would sometimes write “He smiled” or lines like that, and Doris informed me that we can convey this much more simply with a sprite change.

It sounds obvious in retrospect, but lines like that are often pretty invisible when you’re reading a non-visual novel. These lines change the sprite of the character inside your head (if that makes sense, haha). I realized that I’m so used to them being ‘invisible’ that I didn’t notice their absence in visual novels I liked, so I would accidentally include them while writing. 

I was also writing these routes in a word processor, so I didn’t have the visual portion to reference, myself. I wound up making a lot of ‘tone’ notes like, “Lantana should be smug here” so that the meaning would carry when revising and implementing these into Ren’py. 

So, while visual novels share a lot with prose, they’re an entirely different medium. On the subject of representing things visually, I’ve struggled trying to figure out how much can be visually represented and how much should be written. 

Every asset in the game has to be drawn by Doris, so if I want the characters to go to a new location for a scene, I have to keep in mind that’s another background that Doris has to draw. If I want a new character to show up, that’s another sprite she has to draw. I don’t want to overload her, but if I’m trying to avoid this entirely, characters sometimes wind up standing in one room talking for ages without anything significant changing on-screen.

I’ve learned that it’s recommended for something to almost always be changing on-screen, though, so sometimes I just have to ask Doris to make a new asset for a certain scene. I still try to stick to locations/characters that already exist more often than not.

Every single thing in a visual novel is deliberate. Another thing I’ve had to learn that I never even considered before is how to write each line so it fits in the text box. It sounds obvious, but when I’m playing a visual novel, I don’t usually think about how each line has to be carefully constructed so it doesn’t need to be split up into two or more text boxes. In my mind, if a visual novel is well-created, there’s not much that breaks a reader’s immersion.

Planning & Outlining

The previous section might sound really weird to some people, so let me elaborate.  I’m a lifelong ‘write by the seat of your pants’-er, so the biggest trial-and-error of creating Breathless Winds for me was planning out the game.

Initially, I created outlines for each of the four routes, and we agreed ahead of time on which CGs each route would have. That way, Doris could draw the necessary backgrounds and CGs while I was in the long process of drafting this game.  My original outlines weren’t great. I know a lot of people have different experiences with writing, but for me personally, a story is always shaping itself in my mind. When I started making the outlines for Breathless Winds, I knew the concepts we wanted to convey, but I didn’t know what each route (and the game as a whole) was really about yet. This might sound weird and unprofessional, but sometimes, I don’t know what a story is about until I finish the first draft.

So while I was writing, I would look at my outlines and I would think, “this doesn’t actually make sense, he wouldn’t say that” or “this plot point would work better if moved to this other section” or “there’s a plot hole here I didn’t notice”. The story wound up changing a lot in this way as I learned what it’s really ‘about’. 

And even after I finished the first draft, I’d get feedback from Doris and/or my editor and they would suggest fixes to problems that even I hadn’t noticed, and then I would revise the route some more, and later on I’d come back and need to redo part of the route to comply with something I wrote in a later route-- I haven’t really felt ‘finished’ with Breathless Winds at any point, and I think I’ll still feel this way after the game is released.

This means that sometimes, a background was created but would go unused because there was no space for the scene that would use it, or we’d need a new CG last-minute, or so on. 

When I’m figuring things out as I go while writing a non-VN, the only person that I can adversely affect is my own self… so I’m eternally grateful for all of Doris’s patience with me on this matter. I think Breathless Winds has come out a much better game for all the re-plotting and revision. 

I redid the outlines several times as I went. I think I’ve understood how to create outlines that personally work for me-- ‘living’ outlines that hit all the main points, but leave wiggle room for moments when a character does something unexpected, work the best for me.

Scope Creep

So, originally, each route was meant to be 40,000 words. “With four routes, that’s only 160,000 words!” I thought. “And some of my favorite visual novels are about that long, so I can write that much, too!” ← clueless

This is the most infamous mistake that new creators make, and I walked right into it. I should have known better since I’ve bitten off more than I can chew with past non-VN writing projects before, but I was starry-eyed and didn’t realize how much work it is to make a VN. Some of those favorite visual novels I referenced were made by much larger teams, writers whose full-time job was writing (I wrote all of these routes on the side while working at a day job). 

If I could have done it again, I would have asked Doris to start out with a really short VN. But, I don’t regret making Breathless Winds at all. It’s brought Doris and I a lot closer, for one. Every time I thought I wanted to give up on this, Doris would motivate me to continue. Without the two of us both and our strong friendship, Breathless Winds wouldn’t exist, and I think that’s beautiful. 

No matter what, we’re going to see it through to the end. (I hope people like it, though…)

Anyway, here I am talking about how much 40,000 words is. Each route now is about 60k to 70k words. The problem with having evolving outlines is that they can often evolve into double their original size.

We came up with the idea of the poachers really early in development, and then not addressing the poachers felt like a failing, but by that point it was too late to remove the poachers entirely… and so the game wound up a lot longer dealing with the poachers. 

I think that if we had an editor sooner on in the game’s development, then we might have had someone to tell us, “do you really need all of this in the game? Does this plot point really need to be there? Will you be able to write all of this in a reasonable amount of time?”, haha. But Doris and I were really excited about the possibilities of this game when we started creating it, and without anyone to reel us back in, we wound up coming up with more and more things we wanted to put in the game.

Did you know there was going to be an island full of talking rats who say things like “the big cheese” and stuff all the time in Breathless Winds? Yeah. 

The Core Design Philosophy of Breathless Winds

So, for anyone who’s read this far but doesn’t know yet-- the premise of Breathless Winds is that you play as a trans woman who doesn’t know she’s trans yet, and she finds love with one of four love interests as she discovers her gender identity. 

In real life, it can be a lot messier for a person to date when discovering their gender identity. To put it briefly and mildly, a trans person’s life and sense of personal identity can rapidly change during a gender crisis and the early stages of transition. 

However, we wanted to make this game a ‘wish-fulfillment’ type story-- a trans fantasy about acceptance, community, and love. During a gender crisis, it can be easy to feel as if one has lost touch with themselves and become isolated from others. A sincere wish shared by many trans people is to be accepted, loved, and even celebrated as their true gender, not just tolerated. 

Since many trans people don’t get love and acceptance in real life, especially with the ongoing transphobic moral panic, we wanted to create a game that would bring this feeling of trans joy and celebration to trans audiences. 

We also hope that cis players will still enjoy the story and characters, and maybe come away from the game with a new understanding about being transgender and other aspects of LGBT identity (although we never intended this game to be ‘educational’).

Making Characters that Celebrate Trans Identity

Although we went through several revisions, the core identities of each character stayed the same since the game was first ‘jokingly’ pitched. In another post, I discussed how each character is themed around a change in seasons. (I also wound up theming them around the four humors when I was initially concepting them-- I really wanted to avoid too much ‘overlap’ in the LI’s personalities, haha). 

Ultimately, characters are created to serve a role. The LIs in Breathless Winds were designed to be love interests, of course-- characters who would appeal to the hypothetical trans femme audience. As mentioned earlier, we modeled them after other trans fiction tropes because these types of characters have a certain tried-and-true appeal, but this left plenty of flexibility to put our own spin on it. 

A trans woman being loved as a woman by a cishet guy can feel like a high form of ‘passing’, ‘fitting in’ to the female gender role, and being validated by his orientation. He only likes women, and he likes you, so you’re undoubtedly a woman. As a cishet guy, he represents a sort of acceptance into a societal norm that trans women can desire to live to. (Lantana, as a cis lesbian, represents the sapphic counterpoint to this-- although there is of course a big gap between the ‘normalcy’ of a cishet man and a cis lesbian woman, and I don’t mean to say those two are equivalent.) 

But not all trans women want to live to that (cis) societal norm. Rue and Valerian, as a trans woman and a trans man respectively, are the t4t options. 

Rue’s route represents that trans/sapphic ‘envy’ (“do I want her or do I want to be her?”) as well as finding power in community aside from what society considers ‘normal’. We’ve always been pretty clear about what we wanted to do with Rue’s route.

We went back and forth a lot more on Valerian’s route. Initially, we were unsure if he should be trans. He and Rue are the two less-friendly love interests (at least initially), so I was afraid it would come across that t4t is a more hostile option, which is not true at all. But it also felt like a mistake to not have a trans man in the game-- but making Gallardia trans would have required a big overhaul of what we had in mind for him and his route. (Although, childhood friends t4t is a really good idea...)

Beyond that, Valerian takes a villainous role in any route that isn't his own. We were worried that it would be wrong to have a trans antagonist who represents unjust power. However, Breathless Winds is a queer game with other positive trans characters, and we've always approached Valerian as a hot anti-villain man that you can't help but like.

In the end, Valerian’s route is about breaking generational cycles and what it is that makes you a man, and I also managed to sneak in a scene where they dance at a ball in the royal palace, so in the end I think it all worked out great.

Wish Fulfillment and Catharsis

Doris and I both agreed that we wouldn’t depict on-screen transphobia in Breathless Winds. Poppy worries about not being accepted, but fear of acceptance can come with any change in identity. Rue was rejected by her family for being trans, but this doesn’t take place ‘on screen’ in the game. There exist certain metaphorical parallels for transness and transphobia, but every route has a happy ending. 

Following up on this-- it can be difficult to write about discovery of gender identity without writing about transphobia, considering how many trans people suffer from internalized transphobia during their period of repression.

Sometimes, repressed/closeted transgender people ‘hyper-perform’ their assigned gender as a form of denial. A trans woman might grow out a beard and join a gym, while a trans man might become very interested in makeup and feminine clothing. 

In Breathless Winds, Poppy often struggles with ‘strength’ and what it means to be a man. In several routes, she tries to prove her strength under the assumption that being stronger would make her happy. Afraid the world would reject her if she became who she really is, she preemptively rejects herself.

Not every trans person suffers from prolonged denial, internalized transphobia, or even gender dysphoria. I don’t think it’s impossible to tell a purely-positive story about trans joy. 

While Poppy never gets rejected for being trans, faces transphobia, gets called a slur, etc, she faces both internal and external (metaphorical) obstacles to realizing and accepting her identity. 

Gallardia represents a societal norm that Poppy can’t live up to herself as a man.

Lantana suffers from certain aspects of her identity as a woman, which makes Poppy feel guilt for wanting to be a girl.

Rue is isolated from town at the start of her route, a ‘punishment’ for breaking this societal norm.

Valerian has to hyper-conform to his masculine gender role at first in toxic ways before finding acceptance from within and from his loved ones.

These struggles are real to a lot of people, but instead of pretending they don’t exist, I hoped to tell a story about catharsis. Poppy is able to live up to her truth as a woman and finds love with Gallardia, Poppy and Lantana redefine what being a woman should and does mean to them, Rue and Poppy find community in others who don’t fit the norm, Poppy and Valerian stop seeking gender validation from a society that was never made to serve them. 

Although these powerful forces of oppression exist, loving yourself as a trans person- and loving those around you, protecting the natural world, and standing up for what you believe in- can save the day. That’s the kind of story we wanted to tell.

Wrap-up

There’s a lot more I could write, but this has already gotten really long (sorry!) so I’ll wrap it up here. 

Learning how to write a visual novel in terms of technical skill (how to depict events on-screen, how long each line should be) as well as in terms of writing skill (how to outline the game, how to plan visual assets) has been a massive undertaking for me. 

Writing Breathless Winds has been a big challenge but also deeply rewarding, and all of your support has made the experience even more wonderful. Thank you for reading and thank you for supporting the game!

[licorice-tea]

Duty At The Expense Of Desire

Pairing: Trafalgar Law x reader

Content: mild cursing, lots of arguing between reader and Law, reader is nervous to be in a relationship, platonic luffy and reader <3, reader loves the strawhats a lot :)

Word Count: 2.2k

A/N: i spent so long just rereading this, i don’t know why but it feels kind of hard to understand? so i might revise it again in the future idk yet! i hope you enjoy reading, again this is very very loosely based on kate and anthony’s season in bridgerton! it was originally going to be 2 parts, but it’s looking like a full on series now… lmk if you want to be tagged in future parts! enjoy! <3

Part 2

Now that your feelings for Law have been revealed- not only to him but to yourself- you find the tension between the two of you is undeniably different from before.

What were once looks of contempt now harbor some quiet desire. Chances of accidentally brushing shoulders when you pass by each other are avoided altogether, for fear of fueling a fire neither of you know how to deal with. And any crass or biting quips are cut out of your minimal interactions completely, as you both now feel they come off as flirtatious rather than standoffish.

A few days have gone by since you confronted Law and he admitted his true feelings for you, all of which have been spent at sea. Nami says there won’t be an island to dock at for at least another three days, given how the weather is slowing the ship, so your crew’s only source of entertainment is each other.

“Y/n,” she asks while the two of you along with Robin relax on the deck, “what happened between you and Traffy the other day?”

Your breath hitches and you cough unnecessarily, already giving away your nervousness to the two very observant women. “Uh, not much.”

“Well, what did you two talk about? You didn’t come back to the table after, so I thought you must have stayed together…” Robin smiles softly, baiting you to reveal more.

“What? No, no, oh my god no… We just…”

Nami urges you on with a sing-song voice; “You just?”

“We… talked.”

“Talked about what?”

“I don’t know. Our issues with each other.”

“And you resolved them?”

“Come on, y/n, tell us what happened!”

“Nothing happened.”

You stand up then, too annoyed to continue talking to your friends. It’s not even their fault really; you would want to know what had gone on too, if the roles were reversed. Maybe you’re just annoyed with yourself for not being able to face your own feelings.

~

With no particular destination in mind, you find yourself in the Thousand Sunny’s library. When you open the door, you see Law browsing the selection of books your crew has accumulated throughout your travels. You shouldn’t be surprised to see him, but you are.

That’s what it must be; what other reason could there be for the sudden raving of your heart and your breath hitching? Any feelings you ever had for him were buried deep inside after last night; too deep to allow yourself to feel them to the extent you were currently, and so these must all be signs of surprise.

You steel yourself and walk in, letting the door close behind you. Law looks up to find out who the person intruding on his studying is, but his eyes are blown wide when he makes eye contact with you. Neither of you speaks as you turn away and cross the room in quick strides to another section of the library.

“Stupid Law,” you think as you try to calm your mind- an impossible task when he’s standing anywhere in the same room. “Stupid weather,” preventing you from getting to an island so you can get some damn space from him. “Stupid library, ” because of its shelves that make it all too easy and tempting to peak through and catch a glimpse of him.

Actually, maybe that’s not too risky of an idea. Cautiously, you bend down slightly and pretend to scan the titles on the shelf. You allow your eyes to slowly wander off the books until you can see Law by peering upwards. But low and behold, he’s staring right back at you.

You gasp and stand up straight, silently cursing your silly plan.

“Y/n.” He walks over to you, 2 books tucked under his arm. “l was under the impression you wanted me to keep your distance from me.”

“I do.”

“I find that hard to believe with the way you’ve been acting around me.”

“It’s just weird. You made me admit that I had feelings for you, and now things are weird.”

“I made you? You didn’t have to say anything, you could’ve rejected me and we both would’ve moved on.”

“I did reject you.”

“By telling me you feel the same? That’s some rejection.”

“You shouldn’t have said anything in the first place.”

“I had to, you told me that you thought I hated you.”

“But I didn’t make you say that you have feelings for me, and so now you’ve made it impossible to ignore.”

“Believe me, I tried to ignore it. To ignore you. It was pointless.”

“Then you weren’t trying hard enough. I could’ve gone a lifetime without bringing up the way I feel for you if it means my crew will be able to continue this alliance for our goals.”

“Don’t give me that shit, your captain made this alliance because he thinks we’re friends. You seriously think he had a goal in mind while doing so?”

With a roll of your eyes, you cross your arms over your chest. “Maybe not, but Luffy is the captain- I trust him, and so I follow him in any endeavor he believes in.”

“Well, I’m the captain of my own crew, and I believe that whatever we have going on is a little more than ally-ship.”

“Regardless of whatever is going on between us, is it really a smart idea to complicate such an important alliance?”

“…No. I suppose it’s not.”

“Then drop it-” You turn, ready to forget about this conversation and continue hiding your feelings away when he grabs your wrist.

“But they wouldn’t care, y/n, and you know that. Your crew thrives on-” he gestures vaguely with his free hand, “-friendship and rainbows and joy.”

Shaking off a smile, you bite back. “That might be true, but you know what’s even more important to my crew? Protecting each other. They wouldn’t like me being with you; even if we are temporary allies, you’re a Captain of another crew and one of the Supernovas. So don’t tell me what they would and wouldn’t be ok with.”

Law seems to think for a second before he releases your wrist. “Hmph.”

Finally, you take your leave to find somewhere- with no Law and no watchful friends- to just think.

~

You settle on the bow of the ship. If you had an ability like Luffy’s or any guarantee that you wouldn’t slip right off and into the sea, you would like to sit on the masthead of the Sunny. A clear, unobstructed view of the world ahead, and the breeze to keep the hair out your eyes could be so peaceful. But, this has some sort of charm to it as well; you do seem to love a challenge (even if it’s one as simple as having to lean over the railing of a ship to see the horizon).

With a cheerful call, the man you had just been thinking of joins you on the railing by the ship’s bow. Luffy speaks animatedly of his plans for all sorts of things, but during a lull in conversation, he asks you something unexpected.

“Do you love him?”

“What?”

“Traffy! Do you love him?”

“I…”

“You’ve said how much you hate him, but that just means your feelings for him are strong. So you love him, right?”

You’ve never been more bothered to hear Luffy say something so uncharacteristically observant.

“I love you guys.”

He hums. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t love other people, too.”

“…I won’t ever leave this crew, Luffy.”

“Of course you won’t!” He latches onto you in an iron-grip hug, and you smile ever so slightly. “But, y/n.”

“Yeah?”

He releases you and instead grabs your shoulders to talk to you face to face. His face seems especially serious- the same way it does when he makes a bold declaration of his dreams or beliefs. “If you love someone, you tell them. You don’t hide it, because you never know when they could be gone.”

Finally, your barely-there smile opens into a full grin. “When did you get to be so wise?”

Luffy shrugs. “Shanks told me that once, I just felt it made sense for you too.”

You and your captain stay there a while longer, giggling over this and that until the sun starts to set on the horizon.

“I'm gonna go sit on Sunny- you wanna come with me?”

Though you’d been fantasizing over what it would feel like up there just a few minutes ago, you shake your head. “No thanks. But, uh, Luffy?”

“Yeah?”

“Could you… not tell anyone about what we talked about?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah, for sure!”

You would come to regret being so vague with your captain, even if he does occasionally display astonishing emotional intelligence.

~

At dinner- where there’s always something going on- you make an effort to sit far from Law. Your attempt is in vain, however, as he ends up right across from you. Luffy sits to your left, and while he takes a small break from stuffing his mouth, he nudges you with his elbow.

Your eyes meet your captain’s as he winks at you, then looks over at Law, and back to you. You can practically see the gears turning in his head as he had some sort of… plan in the works. With a wide grin, he asks, “Soooo Y/n, when are you and Traffy going to get married?”

A moment of silence passes before laughter erupts around the table from everyone except you and “Traffy.” The latter covers his face with one hand and pinches the bridge of his nose while you look simply horrified.

What had happened to not speaking of your earlier conversation? Admittedly, you had spoken of several subjects after your discussion of your feelings for Law… and knowing Luffy, he could have mistaken your vow of silence to be for any one of those subjects.

Since you’re sure your captain didn’t mean to embarrass you with his straightforward view of relationships, you just shake your head and give a muttered response. “We- we’re not, um, going to….”

Law, on the other hand, appears too bothered to stick around and listen to any more jokes. He stands abruptly and disappears in a flash of blue light.

You stick around long enough to finish your plate, then thank Sanji and leave quietly. Some unknown force draws you to Law, when you see him in Nami’s little grove of orange trees. Cautiously, you approach him.

“…Law? I- I’m sorry about that. I don’t know why Luffy said that.”

“It was embarrassing.”

“Okay, Law, they were all just joking. And I can’t even really blame them, because this entire situation is pretty fucking ridiculous.”

“No, y/n, it’s embarrassing that everybody knows how I feel and that you feel the same, and they’re all happy with the idea of us together, but you still don’t want to be with me.”

“It’s not personal, you know that.”

“How can it not be personal?”

“Everything I do is for my crew. I have a duty to them, and not even you or my own feelings will get in the way of that.”

“Do you seriously still believe that they would care if we were together?”

You purse your lips.

“I took your word for it at first, because you know your own crew better than I do, but clearly they have very little regard for what we do. Now I am inclined to believe that you made it up when you said they wouldn’t like us being… being something. And as foolish as I feel after believing that ridiculous excuse, I still want you, y/n. Tell me you want me too.”

“How much?” You ask with a fierce look.

“How much what?”

“How much do you want me, Law? You keep talking about your feelings for me, but you haven’t even said what they are.”

Again, you seem to find any way to continue arguing with the man before you as a means of releasing pent-up feelings. Just kissing him might be easier, but also a whole lot more terrifying and uncertain.

“Desire, attraction, whatever you want to call it-“

“Well, I’m not going to put everything on the line for someone who is attracted to me.”

“It’s more than that, you know that-“

“You know what I think?”

“…What?”

“I think that you can’t even admit to yourself- let alone aloud- the extent of your feelings for me. You want me to say it first so that nothing bad will happen if you put yourself out there, and that’s not going to happen.”

“I-“ He starts to speak, but can’t think of a rebuttal. You have him pegged. “I may not know exactly what my feelings are yet, but I can feel them, y/n. You remain on my mind constantly- so if you want me to stop feeling for you, then you need to stop.”

“Oh, I need to stop?”

“Yes, you-“

“You’re the one constantly making me reconsider everything I tell myself. You are the one who needs to stop.”

“Before what? Before we give in to this… obvious desire, and put aside duties to do something for ourselves?”

Heavy breathing fills the silence. He always manages to rile you up, and you can’t stand it.

“You should go. No, in fact,” you raise your hands in a gesture of surrender, “I’ll go.”

Without giving him the chance to respond, you flee down the stairs to the main deck and through the doors to the cabin hall. All this back and forth with Law is giving you a headache.

You can’t deny it any longer though; now that your captain knows too, it’s like you’ve spoken it into permanent existence. You’re in love with Law, and there’s next to nothing stopping you from being with him in the way you truly desire. Not even your sense of duty.

You should never have counted on the Strawhats to hold you back from something- or someone you love.

Taglist: @augustanna @lavanderdreamve @pinksaiyans @khaleesihavilliard @jennapancake @pinki-minki @loserbee14

[selfindulgentpixies]

Part three is here and so begins the hidden inventory arc! This is extremely spoiler heavy and also jumps around a lot. Being caught up on the episodes or having read Gojo's past arc are a must for this to all make sense because while I will be covering some of what’s been shown just with reader now being there some stuff will get glossed over since I value my sanity.  Contains canon typical violence.

Satoru x Reader x Suguru

(GN!reader Be warned that reader is referred to as pretty and adorable at different points, as well as being notably short. I know for some that can cause dyphoria though it applies well to my own experiences and this at it's heart is very heavily self insert. Reader's CT is also talked about and used based upon what I imagine what mine would be and is part of the plot. I hope people are still able to enjoy this though since i've worked hard on it and it's the biggest project I've posted on here. Links to other parts are at the end.) Edit: Liek parts 1 & 2 some small revisions have been made but nothing major

Chapter 3: And so it begins

You’re flat on your back staring up at a clear blue sky, your chest heaving. “Tell me again why I can’t even use practice weapons when we train? Cause you know using weapons is kind of a big part of my cursed technique, Suguru-senpai.”

He chuckles at you and reaches for your hand to help you back up. You take it and he pulls you to your feet. “Because you might have to fight someone at some point who’s able to disarm you like I am, or who doesn’t give you a chance to summon your weapons, among the many reasons I could give you.” 

You puff out your cheeks and pout. “Not everyone is as good at hand to hand combat as you are, you’re one of the strongest-” 

He shakes his head. “There are plenty of strong opponents who will be able to put you on the back foot. I just want you to be prepared for that.” 

The look he’s giving you is a serious one and it makes you want to squirm so you rock back on your heels and shove your hands in your pockets. “That makes sense, I guess,” you relent and he gives you a small smile. Reaching out he gives your shoulder a small squeeze.  

“Suguru, you comin’? There still hasn’t been any word from Mei Mei and Utahime so we’re gonna go check it out.” Gojo’s voice calls down from the stairs leading down to the training field. Shoko is with him and she gives you a wave which you return. 

Smile widening just a bit, Suguru lets go of your shoulder. “Sounds like I’m needed elsewhere. Think about what I said and keep training alright?” And with that he’s walking away. 

You watch him go, and your eyes linger just a touch too long.

An arm rests on your shoulder. “You’re sure spending a lot of time training with Geto-senpai aren’t you,” Haibara says with an almost conspiratorial tone. 

Your face heats up. “He’s just helping me out. Like you said, it's training.”

Haibara hums and you hear another pair of footsteps approaching that you assume are Nanami’s. “I also heard you got invited to a movie night by him and Gojo-senpai.” He glances down at you with a knowing look that you don’t like. “Annnd that they were awfully touchy with you.” 

You wish the training field would swallow you whole or that a curse would appear and just end this conversation. “And who told you that exactly?” 

“We were out in the hall when Shoko-senpai came grumbling past us. We asked what was wrong and she said something about it.” Nanami says from behind you. 

Betrayal complete and utter betrayal. Your face burns with embarrassment. “So it’s true!” Haibara cheers. 

“Oh shut it, Haibara!”  

“Aww come on I want to hear about it from you! What happened after Shoko-Senpai left?’

“Personally I’d rather not hear about it.” You can practically hear Nanami’s eyeroll. 

Haibara turns to him with a pout. “Aww come on it-” he pauses and looks all around but doesn’t see you anywhere. Somehow you’d pulled a vanishing act. “Did you see where they went?” 

Nanami makes a noise in the affirmative but doesn’t say where you went. “Neither of you are being fun today,” Haibara says with a pout and puppy dog eyes that fail to sway the blonde boy. 

___

It’s a couple hours later you find yourself with a textbook balanced on your knees and scribbling notes on a notebook off to the side. You’d been doing your best to not to think too hard about that night. You probably were just reading too much into some teasing. The two older boys were together, you were sure of that much. What would they want to do with you as anything other than a friend? You’re grumbling to yourself with your chin tucked to your chest when you hear approaching footsteps and then your textbook is being lifted from your legs. Your head snaps up in time to watch Gojo snap the book closed. 

“Gojo-senpai, what are you-” You start to protest but he interjects “How’d you like to go for a lil trip with us?” Suguru is standing a little ways off behind him smiling and shaking his head.

__

Thus you found yourself trailing after your two senpai having the mission explained to you. Your brow furrows not really liking the sound of it. “She’s not that much younger than us.. I can’t imagine being told I have to just.. Cease existing and be okay with it.” 

“We talked about it a bit already. If she doesn’t want to, we won't make her.” You blink up at Suguru in surprise.  

“Bu-”

“Don’t worry, we’re the strongest so if she doesn’t want to we’ll make sure she doesn’t have to.” Gojo says ever confident. 

You truely hope they’re right. 

“Oh by the way… Does Yaga Sensei know I'm with you?”

A beat of silence. 

“Suguru-senpai, does he know?” You figure he’s more likely to tell you the truth. 

“Wait, you're calling him Suguru now?” Gojo’s voice sounds indignant, maybe even a little hurt. “You never call me by my first name.” He stops walking and fully faces you.

“Oh.. well uh he told me to, the other night.” 

Gojo looks back at Suguru who’s giving him a smug smile like he won something. Gojo whips his head back toward you, giving you a serious look and you stand a little straighter. “From now on you should call me Satoru,” he declares, thumb pointing at his chest before turning and beginning to walk again. 

You stand there in confusion for a moment watching the older boys walk away before it occurs to you. “Hey neither of you answered my question!” you yell and run to catch up with their long strides.

___

It turns out that no, they hadn’t asked permission to bring you along and Yaga hadn’t known you’d gone with them. How’d you find this out? Given how you’d been sticking to Suguru like velcro lately, which Yaga was partially to blame for, he’d had a hunch and had called when you hadn’t shown up with the other first years for a lesson. When you’d answered your cellphone and the two older boys heard you greet Yaga they both froze. 

“Ah yes i’m with them. Is something wrong?” A pause. You blink and pull your phone away from your ear to look at the screen. You tilt your head to the side. “He hung up on me?” 

Then Satoru’s phone begins to ring. He definitely looks like he doesn’t want to answer but does so reluctantly. Before he can even say anything he has to pull the phone away from his ear because Yaga starts yelling on the other end.  In the end he wants to tell them to immediately bring you back since he thinks they’re out of their depth already without having a first year with them but this mission is too time sensitive for that. You’ll just have to listen to them and be careful. Really they knew Yaga was going to find out and get mad at them for taking you along, they'd just kind of hoped he wouldn’t find out until after the fact since now he got to stew on it. They didn’t know what led to it but he’d become your guardian at some point before you enrolled at jujutsu tech and was particularly protective of you. You were always evasive about it when asked though.

___

You pout as you walk away from the sweets shop. “Is sending me on errands while we’re on a mission part of keeping me safe or was this why they brought me along in the first place,” You grumble to yourself as you put the nicely wrapped package of mochi and other goodies in your bag without stopping. Satoru should be right around here you think to yourself, tossing the bag back over your shoulder just in time for a large explosion. Your head whips toward the source of the noise and panic grips your chest when you see a girl flying through the air, that panic soon turns to relief though when through the smoke and falling debris you see Suguru catch her while riding one of his curses. You let out a little cheer but then suddenly someone is gripping your shoulder. 

“You’re another one of those jujutsu high brats, aren’t you?” A voice rumbles behind you.

You glance over your shoulder with narrowed eyes, not dignifying him with a response. He was dressed strangely like the men in the pictures you’d been shown of Q members.

He’s about to say something else when you grab the hand on your shoulder and bend back and break several of the man’s fingers. He pulls back with a howl of pain and surprise clutching at his broken fingers. ”You fuckin lil shit-” Before he’s even able to finish speaking you summon a lance that looks like a series of small linked hands and smack the blunt end across his head before swiping it under his feet on the back swing making him crash to the ground.

“Oi, __-chan you okay over there?” Satoru’s voice calls over to you. You look over and he’s leaning against a railing surveying you and the little scrap you’d just had. 

“Ah yeah I’m fine, Gojo-senpai.”

“I said to call me Satoru,” he whines in a way unbecoming of his age.

As you’re about to respond the man on the ground begins to get up only for you to bonk him on the head without looking. “Right.. sorry, Satoru-senpai.” You hop over the now dazed and prone man and make your way to Satoru who immediately ruffles your hair looking between you and the guy on the ground. 

“Don’t see why Yaga was so worried about you. You hold your own well enough,” he says with a grin. You swat his hand away and try to fix your hair though you can see from your reflection in his dark glasses that you’re only partially successful.Then you look around him and see another strangely dressed man, though this one has long hair. He’s already sprawled out on the ground along with dozens of twisted knives scattered about.  Satoru follows your gaze and grins. “If they’re all this weak we won’t have any problems.” He jerks his head toward the smoking building. “Let’s catch up with Suguru.”

Perhaps foolishly you thought he meant walking to the building and taking an elevator like a normal person. But no, suddenly you’re airborne, tucked under his arm. When you reach the smoldering hole in the building it’s with you flailing and telling him to warn you next time. 

“What're you scared of heights?” he looks down at you with a raised eyebrow.

A beat of silence is all the answer he needs before a big grin splits his face. “Oh you so are! That’s adorable. Don’t worry I’d never drop you-” You kick him in the shin which results in the two of you bickering until Suguru reminds you both of the situation at hand.

From that point on the mission feels like a bit of whirlwind, meeting Amanai, the attack at the school, Kuroi’s kidnapping. Things don’t seem to settle into a lull until now with you lightly dozing against Suguru’s shoulder on the beach. Truthfully you hadn’t meant to fall asleep but Suguru didn’t mind, he found it cute how you’d curled up against him in an oversized hoodie and bathing suit you weren’t even putting to use. He brushes a bit of hair off your face as he speaks to Kuroi. The world is all a muffle to you as you drift somewhere between wakefulness and sleep, at least until Suguru calls out to Satoru about it being time to go followed by him gently nudging you awake. Then softly in your ear, “You need to get up now, time for us to get on with the mission.”  You blink groggily and then as it occurs to you just where you’d been napping you sit up straight about to apologize, his smile tells you that you don’t need to and so the words never reach the air. As he stands he reaches for your hand and helps you to your feet. He looks toward your companions in the water as he releases your hand after giving it a gentle squeeze. “Satoru, it’s time.”

“Oh, it’s that time already?” He replies, stopping whatever game he and Riko had been playing. Even from where you’re standing you can tell she’s disappointed. Satoru is quiet for a moment as he looks her over. “Let’s head back tomorrow morning instead.” And just like Riko’s disappointment you can also see her elation. 

Suguru frowns. “But…”

 Satoru makes his way toward the two of you. “The weather’s holding steady, right? Besides… there are fewer curse users in Okinawa than there are in Tokyo!”He turns with dramatic flair. 

Both you and Suguru give him an unimpressed look and in unison admonish him. “Let’s keep it a little more serious, Satoru.” “Please take this seriously, Gojo-senpai.” Your use of his family name earns you Satoru’s hand on your head vigorously messing up your hair. 

“It’s better if the time limit on the bounty runs out while we’re still mid-flight, right?” His hand is still on your head while you try to swat him away.

“Satoruuuu-senpai!” Those seem to be the magic words and he lifts his hand off your head. 

Ignoring the antics going on between the two of you, Suguru leans in close to Satoru so only the two of you can hear him. “Satoru. You haven’t released your technique since yesterday, have you? You haven’t slept either. And you don’t plan on sleeping tonight, do you?”

This gets your attention and suddenly guilt curls in your gut for not having realized. He must already be tired.

“Are you sure we don’t need to go back to jujutsu high?”

Satoru’s fist lightly smacks into Suguru’s chest before he starts to walk away from the two of you.“It’s not a problem. Playing through 99 years of momotetsu was far more draining and besides, you’re here too.” 

You watch the small smile play across Suguru’s lips and sense how he seems to be reassured. For you as much as you have faith in the two upperclassmen you still worry. Particularly now that you know Satoru hasn’t taken any time to rest. 

All the same the only way you can describe the rest of the day is blissful. Not just spending it with the older boys but also seeing the wonder and joy on Riko’s face. It makes you wonder what her life before was actually like. 

Even for you who deals with what can only be called magic, the aquarium is otherworldly. It makes your chest swell with wonder and you take both Satoru and Suguru by the hand when they hang too far back and get them to hurry along with you. You chatter excitedly as you pull them along. With them behind you you don’t see the look they share or the look they send your way, a look full of fondness. Truly they both think that getting chewed out by Yaga later will be worth having brought you along.

Edit: Link to master list

I could have probably stretched this out further but I really didn't feel like writing out hidden inventory scene by scene when a lot of people will have probably just watched it. I hope it's still enjoyable. I Admit I was super tempted to combine part 3 and 4 together but I'm gonna work on part 4 a bit more and will probably release it this friday. I'm really excited for it. Hopefully this part stands well on its own.

@strawberrystepmom @nanamikentoseyebags @gojoest

@icy-spicy @porridgesblog

[anderscim]

bagel’s drdt death predictions but they’re all based on character relationships and assumptions (lots of assumptions)

//spoilers for drdt ch1 + ch2 pt. 1

//long, long wall of text warning (nearly 4k words am i right 😭)

i mean, the title explains it all.

there’s really nothing else other than my unhinged predictions which will likely be wildly incorrect compared to the actual outcome in DRDT

so, as always, take this with a grain of salt

alright, let’s get straight into it.

arturo and j:

obviously these two have a… very interesting dynamic. they’re constantly at odds with each other, and this worsened especially after arturo found out about j’s family through her secret.

arturo is following j around and she hates it. arturo constantly crosses j’s boundaries, idolizes her, places her in his own “perfect image” that she doesn’t want to be a part of, and she (justifiably) hates it.

meanwhile, arturo sees j as one of the “beautiful people” that he idolizes and tries to get close to in order to improve his self value, possibly in an attempt to resolve his own insecurities. (okay i don’t think i’m gonna talk about this later so i’m gonna say it now. but based on the fact that arturo seems very attached to “societally valuable” things and people (major brands, celebrities, etc.) and the fact that he instantly pushes away things he sees as “ugly,” arturo may actually be trying to preserve a certain image of himself and/or his ego by surrounding himself with valuable things—which could be due to holding some sort of insecurity that he can’t be as “valuable” as others without those factors surrounding him constantly. maybe because he sees himself as “ugly.” just a thought. not justifying his actions though. idk)

but though i love j with all my heart… i’m very, very scared that she’s going to be the culprit for this chapter.

except for the possible motive, there’s actually a suspicious amount of logical conclusions and reasonings one can make that point to j being the culprit.

this isn’t my post, but i’m going to put this here because u/Difficult-Parfait627 on reddit explained the logic significantly better than i could have:

i also saw some theories on j’s secret weapon (the remote) possibly opening trapdoors that only she could access, so that’s definitely another possible advantage.

aside from that, i find it intriguing that MonoTV makes specific mention of this detail regarding the playground:

it would be very, very interesting if this proved to be foreshadowing of some sort regarding arei’s murder. whether it would just be the height of the room that plays into a factor of the case, or the fact that the movie screening room and the playground are only separable by a single wall, or both—that, i don’t know. but seeing multiple prevailing theories it could be possible that this is more important than we think.

not only this, but during the trial j constantly pointed fingers at many people and jumped from suspect to suspect—which is exactly what min did as well, and might be an indication that j is desperate to pin the crime on someone else.

though i’m probably wrong

revision: the following is… likely incorrect (_ _;) i’ll keep what i originally said here for the sake of it, but just know that arturo is more likely to double down and shun himself even further from any guilt if this theory proves to be true. here’s a reblog chain ft. @/aquariiium that explains it really well!

but if j is the culprit for this case, it could actually lead to character development for arturo. after all, if j gets caught, he would probably blame himself—if he didn’t get so worked up over eden and the reveal of his secret, if he didn’t let j overhear the conversation—she might’ve not committed a murder. i think he might feel intense guilt that he let j die—especially since he’s so (unhealthily) attached to her.

don’t know man. just trying to give him redeeming qualities here lmao

essentially, i think j might die this chapter as the culprit for arei’s murder, and arturo will survive for at least the next few chapters. whether he’ll be a victim/killer in the last few chapters i’m unsure about at this current moment, but bear with me

side note: it would be absolutely cruel if whoever the killer is, they get a quiet execution in a way that reflects arei’s body discovery ;-; also tbh i’m probably wildly wrong about all of this. for you guys who say the true culprit is someone else (especially people who think it’s levi, eden, or whit), i see you and i do see why that’s definitely a possibility. take all of my theorizing with a grain of salt lmao

whit and charles:

(sorry i couldn’t find a proper CG for them haha)

ah, one of my favorite dynamics. i love these two so much

it’s cool to see how they’re actually quite open with each other now, compared to the beginning where they were established as near-total opposites of each other (mainly looks at the free time event)

but as it goes with many ships in danganronpa…they’ll probably end in tragedy. unfortunately

i believe i made a really brief analysis earlier on how whit deals with grief by completely deflecting his true sentiments through the use of humor, and i think as of now this still holds true. whit’s bottling up his grief, and sooner or later he’ll have to come to terms with it.

whit has developed an understanding for charles, though, and seems to be genuinely considerate towards him. plus, he’s willing to admit to any mistakes he makes and is very open about it to charles, which indicates how close they actually are

charles struggles with not only his hemophobia + necrophobia (fear of blood and fear of corpses/things associated with death), but with the pity from others that result from it.

he really, really hates being pitied. we actually saw this earlier in the FTE between charles and whit as well—he seemed very worked up with how whit was “belittling” charles to make teruko laugh. obviously whit figured this out, admitted what he did, and eventually became more considerate of charles’ feelings. charles notices this and decides to open up to him.

👆 this line is so cute btw

i think though, especially because they’re so close to each other it’ll really impact their characters when tragedy strikes. personally i’m more scared that charles is going to die (as a victim) because plot-wise it would force whit to come to terms with his grief—the grief over not just his mother but the participants of the killing game—that he has pushed into the back of his mind for a long time.

but at the same time charles surviving is also definitely a possibility given his importance in the plot right now—and not only that, if whit dies, i think he would have a clear moment of feeling ashamed of himself for not even being able to look at his partner’s body and being unable to come to terms with whit’s death until later.

either way, one of them is definitely doomed to die, and the other is probably going to be a survivor.

for me, regardless of who bites the dust, they’re going to be a chapter 3 death. i personally believe this because it would give both of them time to cope and face their grief in their respective character arcs over the next few chapters—but also because i think chapter 4 is going to be surrounding a separate character dynamic.

nico, ace, and hu:

yes, it’s the “two people who absolutely hate each other and the one person that stands in between” trio.

as already established within the series, nico and ace hate each other. i don’t even need to put screenshots as proof—plus nico literally attempted to murder ace.

and by the way, for those of you who said other people manipulated nico into doing it, i think that would be very contradictory with what the series is trying to get at. nico is their own independent person—and they’ve tried to solidify that fact. this specific murder attempt was to probably establish that nico has their own limits, despite how much they are infantilized by others. if it’s true that someone manipulated nico, i feel like it would… just take away from nico’s individuality and turn them into someone to be pitied upon.

not only that, even nico established themselves that they have a tendency to be agressive.

there’s not much to analyze here, but it definitely is a strong indication that nico does have their own limits and will not act all innocent-like if those boundraries are crossed. it’s interesting though, because this kinda makes nico a foil to ace. while ace is “all bark and no bite,” and/or accusing and insulting everyone 24/7 but never acting upon it, nico is the opposite: not the type for words but will genuinely act if they are pushed hard enough.

i genuinely think nico attempted to murder ace on their own accord. plus, it would fit perfectly with one of the themes from this chapter

anyways—though i’m not going to condone her for infantilizing nico—there’s one person who’s kinda been keeping both of them in check. (or moreso, keeping ace in check) quite literally, hu defending nico, despite the fact that her way of doing so was really flawed, temporarily stopped their conflicts with ace from escalating in a short amount of time. at least until ace almost got murdered though.

the thing is, hu sees things in black and white. she trusts a little too much into nico and she thinks they desperately need to be protected. meanwhile, she essentially antagonizes ace, and didn’t seem to attempt to sympathize with the fact he almost got murdered. she didn’t make many attempts (especially during the second chapter) to genuinely understand their “grey areas,” instead jumping to what she knows. and… it’s understandable why she does this, but regardless, it’s one of her greatest flaws. however, that flaw is exactly what humanizes hu. she cares immensely about others, even if that means trusting them too much. she puts it on herself to help anyone she can. she wants others to rely on her, even if that means she inadvertently forces the role of “the damsel in distress” onto them as a result. though it doesn’t exactly justify her actions, i felt it was still important to bring up. (by the way i actually like hu, plus i love the concept of a really flawed but sincere mother figure. i don’t hate hu at all lmao i think she’s a really good character)

especially as of ch2 ep11, hu seems to show possible signs of change after getting called out by david. his so-called “betrayal” (by throwing hu’s personal impression and expectations of himself out the window) might begin a development arc allowing hu to see past her… i guess… her biases.

but, i’m scared that hu’s character arc would end (whether abruptly or gradually) in the middle of the series, rather than continuing to the very last episode of DRDT—and that she’ll get killed/executed before she can truly develop and leave the killing game with a new perspective.

additionally, as far as i can tell i don’t expect nico and ace to ever make up during the killing game—because in traditional danganronpa, that never seems to be an actual occurrence. not only that, but the whole tension surrounding their situation has already gone too far—neither of them will probably ever forgive each other after how far this conflict went (especially ace, who almost got killed by nico). i personally think hu, though the way she went about this was not exactly the best, acted as a “mediator” of sorts between ace and nico by throwing herself in and breaking up each conflict. if hu dies, their relationship will completely fall apart and their arguments will likely escalate past the point of no return—which seems to be a perfect setup for a murder case. personally i’d put hu as a chapter three death (regardless of victim or culprit), nico and ace’s dynamic escalating to a breaking point during chapter four, and either nico or ace dying in chapter four (with the other one surviving the killing game). my personal opinion as for who dies is nico, but mainly because i think ace might actually be a survivor.

ace and levi:

oh no i wasn’t done talking about ace yet, did you seriously think i would stop talking about him after all of that? plus i. didn’t give ace a proper character analysis in that previous section

ace and levi’s relationship is very unique as well. at first, ace and levi felt at least relatively comfortable around each other—which was really rare for someone like ace, who’s essentially scared of everything and holds many insecurities that prevent him from easily trusting people/processes/objects.

over time during chapter 1, ace and levi get closer to each other. ace develops a feeling of safety when around levi, since to him, he seems like one of the only few people who don’t just see him as a coward.

and that was true for a while, at least, until this happened.

this blog post by @thefandomenchantress explains the effects of levi’s dialogue here better than i ever could. go read this. please but essentially—the death threat is really important because it essentially shattered ace’s sense of security around levi, but the fact that levi out of all people called ace a coward really seals the deal for him. this is my interpretation, but ace probably felt that levi was more non-judgmental than the others and was also one of the few people that saw past his insecurities. so levi specifically targeting one of his largest weaknesses, probably hurts a lot.

not only that, but ace genuinely seems to believe that this is what levi actually thinks about him. though he focuses on the death threat here, i think it still holds true that he’s really paranoid of levi and thinks he actually hates ace, despite their dynamic in the first chapter.

on the other hand, levi regrets threatening and insulting ace in the first trial, and makes attempts to apologize and make up with him. he even asks teruko for advice here.

since ace is really insecure, it’s really difficult to make him actually forgive levi. ace’s paranoia makes him believe that others are out to “get him” and cause him harm, especially when it comes to people who bluntly pointed out his insecurities in the past. and as a person who genuinely hates those parts of himself and wants to get rid of his paranoia, it makes ace act really aggressive when people begin pointing out those issues again. after all, they’re reminders of what he thinks he is.

👆this quote is actually from an earlier point, and is ace talking about why he still races despite being scared of horses. but it’s representative of how he hates his own reputation and his insecurities that are connected with it—which he desperately doesn’t want people to see. that’s why ace is so aggressive. it’s because he feels he needs to bluff and act all “strong” to prevent people from targeting his insecurities.

the reason why i actually believe ace would be a survivor is because of some personal unhinged interpretations i have for chapter four. like i mentioned earlier, i personally believe that the current conflict between nico and ace will reach its climax during chapter four, which will likely also be a major part of the murder case during that chapter. and uh. if we go by traditional danganronpa patterns we know which character is probably doomed during that chapter (that is, assuming DRDT still follows a similar equation). though i admit the stereotype of “buff character dies during fourth chapter” is a bit overused—the thing is, if the conflict between nico and ace does actually reach its climax during that chapter, it actually makes sense relationship-wise for levi to play a major part of it. getting into major “this is probably wrong” territory here despite the fact that ace is currently distrusting towards levi right now, i think there’s still some part of him that harbors more personal feelings towards levi (whether that’s positive or negative)—i don’t think ace would be attacking levi so much otherwise. he probably feels like he was betrayed by levi, likely due to their changes in character dynamic during the first chapter. i also find it interesting how ace has always harbored a feeling of resentment towards nico—and i personally feel that this is because nico also reminds ace of one of his insecurities. they represent something that ace hates about himself, or they represent the antithesis of this insecurity—as for what specifically, i’m not sure, but it likely has something to do with ace’s paranoia. that’s probably why he attacks nico so much—because they remind him of something he hates about himself.

if both of them die, in the same chapter, i think ace would start doubting himself. all that would be left are people who have already seen how insecure he is. i think he’d lose his “purpose” and “relationships” in some ways, in that case—which would actually be a great setup to his secret quote: “i don’t know what to do with myself anymore.” ace markey existential crisis at 3 anyone /j

okay but. like. idk what i was even trying to say there. just take all of that with a grain of salt

okay, finally:

david:

(okay he’s literally just his own category at this point.) (i like to psychoanalyze him independently because i uh. have so much to say about him)

if you couldn’t already tell from my multiple theory posts about david, i have a considerable amount of interpretations regarding his character:

his current demeanor doesn’t reflect his true personality, but it’s not exactly like he’s a constantly optimistic person either

he’s not actually manipulating everyone into making the worst decisions. even his plan, though it wasn’t foolproof, was probably better than any of the options the cast had. however he did try to preserve his own image a little while presenting the plan since he’s trying to hide his depression

(both of those bullets are linked to other theory posts i made that elaborate more on these points)

either way, david is currently established as the “antagonist” character for this series, which was especially solidified after his breakdown in ch2 ep11. i think we all know what usually happens to the antagonist character in chapter 5.

however—david, unlike other canon danganronpa antagonists (especially nagito and kokichi from goodbye despair and killing harmony), has different motivations. rather than acting fully evil and/or cynical in an effort for the “greater good,” to me, he just… seems like he’s acting cynical and manipulative because that’s who he thinks he actually is. he’s playing a glorified version of his self-doubts and insecurities. so, to be completely honest, i think rather than him acting in a way to throw everyone off and ultimately end the killing game, i think david’s just in the middle of a breakdown and is acting suicidal. he’s actually pretty smart, so unless he was really emotional/desperate, i don’t think his lying would be as obvious as it is now. i think he honestly would’ve thought about it more (/lh) if he was genuinely attempting to end the killing game through lying and making everyone vote wrong. plus, we have already seen in chapter one that david doesn’t really… think straight when he’s emotional. we saw this during xander’s trial with the way he kept accusing teruko and thought she was the culprit despite the gradual accumulation of evidence that proved her innocence. (i think it’s general consensus that david actually did care about xander—and arei actually—and was therefore pretty emotional regarding their deaths, but i will make a post on that later if necessary.)

if david really is breaking down and acting suicidal in the second trial, i think it would fit if the plot decided to pull some irony and… y’know, have the one person who wants to die the most actually be a survivor. i really have no backing to this (and tbh i think i’m saying this because i want david to live LMAO), and i don’t exactly have any concrete evidence that establishes david as an antagonist character that doesn’t follow canon danganronpa antagonist traditions, but even then i still think it would be pretty cool if that happened.

god. this was. unhinged.

okay but watch me be entirely wrong on this lmao

i hope you guys could actually understand that entire wall of text because i don’t even know what i was writing halfway through also i didn’t put chapter 5/6 here because i literally have no idea what’s going to happen. it’s just going to be full of plot twists and i know it

i also didn’t exactly put a clear amount of killers/survivors so they don’t exactly. match up. plus i didn’t actually do a thorough analysis on veronika, rose, eden, teruko, etc so i’m probably going to have to go through those if i genuinely feel like doing a proper death order. (something is telling me rose and veronika are both going to get significant character development though, especially in the later chapters. we don’t have too much information on either of them yet (moreso veronika than rose) so i’m kinda waiting until we get more scenes to make assumptions about those two in particular)

but in summary:

j might die this chapter, arturo’s going to get significant character development as a result

no matter what, charwhit is absolutely doomed and one of them is going to die in the third chapter while the other is a survivor

hu will probably die in the third chapter, leading the conflict between nico and ace to escalate and reach a climax during the fourth chapter

(of course, this is assuming drdt follows traditional danganronpa and has a double murder during the third chapter. i’m not too much of a fan of the trope myself, but for the sake of organization)

nico and levi, who ace has the most personal (mostly negative) emotions towards at the current moment, will probably die during the fourth chapter leading ace to have an existential crisis and get character development (and will have to navigate his way to the end)

david is a non-traditional antag so he might die during chapter 5, but i personally see it more ironic and fitting to see him survive until the end seeing his current emotions and character

anyways.

i know there’s a lot of you who are significantly better at analyzing certain characters than i ever could so please please don’t hesitate to correct me if there’s an assumption i made that’s incorrect, and/or if you have anything i said that you could refute

plus i didn’t like. rewatch the entire series to make this i just had a long train of thought and searched for certain scenes that fit the most to what i was saying even if my assumptions weren’t correct

and as always. take this all with a grain of salt

(no but seriously, feel free to voice your opinions on this as well! i’ll definitely listen to them)

[thought--bubble]

Kitty Cat Part 2 (Revised)

Ettore X (Neuro-Divergent Reader)

Warnings Below

Word Count: 1,341

Kitty Cat Master List

Ettore Master List

Full Master List

Banners by @arcielee

Warnings: predatory behavior, mentions of noncon, Ettore himself.

A/N: Ettore is mega creepy here. But this is how I see him. If you don't like dark dark creepy Ettore please don't read this. It gets worse in later parts.

Ettore was fine with the fact that he had been sentenced to life in prison. His life wasn't all that great to begin with. A mess from the start. He did not, however, account for how badly he would crave a woman's touch when he was in a place like prison. Where that touch was impossible to find.

So when his solicitor offered a reprieve in the form of a space mission where they would be trying to do something with something he didn't pay any attention to, he accepted without hesitation. He accepted because of one word. Coed. During his long-winded explanation, his solicitor had mentioned on board that there would be a coed prisoner population. That was really all Ettore had to hear in order to agree. There would be women on board. Criminal women, but still there would have to be at least one woman he could get to touch him, and if not, he had other ways of making them comply.

That's how, a few weeks later, he found himself being strapped into a ship destined for space, sitting next to a woman, and he couldn't help but stare.

It has been so long

He fights the urge to reach out and run his hand down her face, and opts to just stare. The woman is clearly uncomfortable and pushes his face away.

She probably isn't the right choice

He looks around, sizing up the other prisoners. He doesn't pay too much attention to the men. The majority of them seem to be about his age, and none of them look particularly tough where he would truly worry about them being a threat. So he sets his sights on the women. Most look about his age as well. There is a skinny blonde he thinks might make a good choice.

Should be easy to overpower

A redhead catches his eye. The look on her face says she may be a challenge. They lock eyes and he can see anger and disgust in her gaze.

Not worth the trouble

Next to her is another little bird you. He can't get a clear view of your face since you are rubbing it into the seatbelt that's strapped over your shoulder.

Crazy isn't good. Might be unpredictable. Would probably be loud. A screamer. The crazy ones always scream.

He resigns himself to his original decision. The skinny blonde would be the woman he sets his sights on.

His attention is drawn back to the redhead and the crazy one, you. The redhead has her knuckles pressed up against your temple, and you're nuzzling.

She wants to be touched. Needs it.

A willing participant would surely make this easier. Less likely to be caught. Since the rules stated, no physical relationships between inmates are allowed. Maybe he wrote off the crazy girl too fast.

He settled into life on the ship pretty quickly. He functioned better in a world with routines. A set place to go and set a list of things to do. The box was convenient, too. His favorite place to be on the ship.

He watched the other prisoners relentlessly. Figuring out their personalities and quirks was paramount. If he knew how they worked he would know exactly how to deal with them.

The red head named Boyse kept you glued to her side. He overheard her call you Kitty. The nickname suited you. You were constantly rubbing your head on Boyse's shoulder purring as you did so. He couldn't stop staring.

He watched you all the time. In the cafeteria was his favorite. You would scoot up impossibly close to Boyse, who would rub your cheek while continuing to eat. You would nuzzle and purr. A small smile on your face. Eyes sparkling.

It was driving him crazy.

You had attempted to be touched by every inmate here. Except him. This irritated him to no end. They all avoided you or pushed you away. So why did you avoid him?

He would touch you.

He would touch you and never stop. He would run his hands along your whole body and back up again.

This had to be Boyse's doing.

Fucking cockblock.

He waited for an opening.

A situation in which he could get close enough to you to entice you into touching him. Then he would have you.

This opportunity finally presented itself in the form of assignments. You were assigned laundry duty with him. Just the two of you in the laundry room. Everyone else will be busy with their own assignments. Including Boyse.

A pleased grumble crept it's way up his throat, and his fingers tingled.

He went to collect the laundry. He moved swiftly so he could get to the laundry room first.

Setting a little trap for a little kitty

He takes the laundry he had so far collected and heads to the laundry room and drops the pile by the machine.

Not here yet

He ponders whether he should hide in the room and wait for your arrival or sneak back in once you have already entered. He decides to collect more laundry and sneak back in.

It's easier to trap a cat if you get them cornered

Ettore goes back and collects the last few remaining scraps of dirtied laundry he can find before skulking back to the laundry room.

He comes up to the doorway as quietly as he can. You're bent over loading clothes into the washer. From where you are standing, there is the washer in front of you and a folding table to your left. That leaves your right and behind you open. The pile of clothes he had left behind is to your right.

She could step over that pile easily enough

He decides to come up slightly to the right but still behind you. His long arms could reach out and grab you if you decided to take off in either of those directions.

He comes up quietly and drops the clothes onto the pile that already litters the floor.

"That should be all of em, I collected you can load em yeah?"

You dont reply, not that he expected you to. You nod lightly and continue loading the machine.

You are bent over at the waist. Eyes on the laundry or the machine, he isn't sure. All he knows is your eyes are not on him. He takes this as an opportunity to move in closer to you. He is right up behind you now, his body heating up with anticipation.

It's at this moment you stand up straight and look him directly in the eyes. He looks back at you, his hands tingling, ready to reach out and grab you before you can make your escape . Much to his surprise, you move towards him and not away.

Suddenly, you make contact. You're rubbing your face against his upper arm. He immediately tenses. Surprised that you initiated contact. That doesn't happen to him often.

You continue nuzzling, making that little purring noise as you do. The tense feeling starts to leave his body and is replaced by a different sensation. A sensation of thrill and excitement. He slides his hand over the back of your neck and pauses for a second. You don't pull away or try to push him off. You just keep nuzzling. He slides his hand up into your hair and starts to lightly drag his nails across your scalp.

He sighs as he feels goosebumps travel up his back and over his shoulders. He grips your hair tight and pulls your body completely flush against his and much to his surprise you let him. There is no resistance at all. He pushes his nose into the hair at the top of your head and takes a deep breath in. You smell of the same soap he uses. The soap everyone on this ship is forced to use he muses. He let out a shakey breath and chuckles.

"Oh kitty. You are in trouble"

And I am in paradise

A/N: thanks to anyone who reads! Will be starting part 3 soon. Only working on two active series at the moment. Having a lot of fun writing it too!

Part 3

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[rachey899]

What The Actual...

When did Matt find out about Luke’s size shifting abilities?

Another short story featuring Luke and Matt approximately 2.4k words.

Luke was sweating buckets by the time he’d gotten to school, the walk from his house seemed to blur as his mind recited everything on his revision notes for the upcoming test today. This test was worth 80% of his math grade and would determine whether he failed the class or not.

He had done so poorly in all his other subjects that if he failed math as well, he would need to repeat the year.

His mind raced as he tried to think up the formula for Pythagoras theorem, he’d literally just looked it over again that morning and now he was drawing a blank, what if he continued to draw blanks for the rest of the day, what if by the time he was looking at his test book he couldn’t remember anything.

“Whoa watch it!”

Luke stumbled as he bumped into someone and continued to then trip over his own long legs and fall, sprawling on the hard concrete ground.

The person he had barged into had long since gone and Luke sat there stunned like a deer in the headlights, in fact he almost wanted to cry, he just wanted today to be over already.

Standing up, he brushed himself off and shouldered his backpack, he had grazed his elbow on the way down and it stung but it would heal. He seemed to heal faster than the average person and he supposed he could thank his unusual gift for that neat trick.

“Luke, hey dude you’ll never guess what Linda said to me this morning!” Matt bounced beside his friend and continued to babble excitedly.

“I got on the bus and her seat was the only one available so naturally I asked if I could sit there, you know all casual like, and she said yes! Can you believe it! She actually spoke to me, Luke are you listening? You don’t look so good.” He eyed his friend who was obviously tense, he looked much paler than usual, and he could see the perspiration on his forehead.

“Are you sick or something?” 

Luke felt sick, he felt like he was going to throw up, and his nervousness only grew as he felt his skin tighten like he was about to shift, he could not let that happen today, he had enough to worry about without worrying about turning into a giant freak of nature.

“Yeah, sorry, I guess I’m just nervous about the test, sorry dude.” Luke excused himself to duck into the bathroom, he literally had to duck his head so he wouldn’t hit the frame of the door, he hoped his friend didn’t notice that he’d just shot up a few inches.

He whirled into a stall and put the lid down on the toilet, sitting there with his head in his hands trying to take steady even breathes, if he could calm himself down, he could resist the shift.

“That was close.” He sighed letting out a long breath as he watched the toilet cubicle shrink back to its regular size. The test was during the first two periods of the day, if he could just get through that and then go home with the excuse that he was sick, then he could grow and get it out of his system and feel much better.

He rejoined Matt in the hallway where he was waiting for him, Matt looked at him with concern. He wondered if there was something else going on for his friend beside the test but chose to believe him, he had no reason not to.

They parted ways at home room and Luke made sure to sit right at the back to avoid anyone who might want to sit and chat with him, he didn’t have the energy to focus on anything else today besides this stupid test and remaining an average human height for a few hours.

The bell rang to signal first period and he shot out of his seat, darting out the door and straight to the hall where the math test was being held, he entered through the large double doors and scanned the room.

Thinking strategically, he should sit at the back closest to the door just in case he had to make a quick exit, however fate had other plans and he spotted Matt waving at him from the middle of the room, signally to sit next to him instead. He wondered with annoyance how on earth he had managed to get to the Hall before him.

“I’ll be so glad when this is over.” Luke sighed slumping into his seat beside his friend.

“You and me both bro.” Matt chuckled good naturedly nudging his friend in the arm.

“Students take your seats, this test will commence in two minutes sharp, you will have ninety minutes to complete your test, use this time wisely.”

With that, everyone in the room watched in silence as the timer began and then simultaneously flipped their test booklets over and began scribbling furiously.

Luke was feeling confident about halfway through, all his answers he was sure were correct so far, that was until he looked up at the timer and saw he only had thirty minutes left and still half the booklet to go. He felt his muscles tighten and his skin felt like it was swelling, he closed his eyes and took a breath, he just had to keep going, focus on the work and take deep breaths. His seat felt smaller.

He only had two questions left when the alarm on the timer sounded, jolting in his seat, he flipped his booklet over and bolted for the door, the pressure in his body was becoming too much and he had to get out of there. Running full tilt toward the forested area that backed onto the school oval, he knew of a clearing there he had used to grow before, he just hoped he could make it there in time before he exploded.

His legs felt longer, his strides stretching further as he ran, the grass looked smaller, he knew he wasn’t big enough to be noticeable, but it was coming, and it was coming fast.

Once in the cover of the trees he let his body go, that tight feeling felt looser as he let himself grow, his forehead brushing against the tops of the trees, he took a few more steps mindful of the smaller foliage, he didn’t want to leave an obvious trail. He reached the clearing and stretched his aching body, letting out a groan from the relief, the anxiety gone and the pressure previously raging through his muscles was gone.

“What the actual-.”

Luke whipped his head around scanning the forest floor until his large blue eyes landed on the small form of his childhood best friend staring up at him with wide eyes, he held Luke’s backpack in one hand with his own slung over the opposite shoulder. Matt had watched his friend’s odd behavior and worried about him, so he’d picked up his bag and followed him into the forest to check on him.

“Matt.” He wasn’t sure what else to say, how to explain himself, he took a step toward his friend who stood comparatively around six inches in height to him, and he immediately regretted it. He watched with the sick feeling of guilt in his stomach as Matt took multiple steps backward, tripping over the branches of the forest floor and falling back on his rear.

Luke knelt down instead, planting his knees into the ground, and flinching as he saw the rumbling effect it had on his friend causing Matt to shake either from the large movement or from fear, neither of them were sure, probably both.

Matt shook his head as if coming out of a trance and before he could think it through, he dropped both bags jumping up onto his feet and made to bolt in the opposite direction.

“Wait!” Luke shouted, throwing caution to the wind, he reached out his large hands that moved much faster than anything that big had a right to and scooped up his friend closing him in between his two hands as though he’d just caught an interesting bug.

Luke’s eyes widened as he felt Matt kick and punch at his large digits, he could hear him shouting from within his hands, but it was muffled. He felt horrible holding his best friend against his will like this, but he needed to explain what was going on, he owed it to him at least.

Once he’d explained he would let him go and he would understand if Matt never wanted to see him again, who’d want to be friends with a freak like him anyway.

With a deep breath he slowly opened his hands letting the light shine within the enclosed space until his eyes settled on Matt sprawled on his back and staring up at him fearfully, he had his arms over his head in defense and his chest rose and fell as he took quick short, panicked breaths.

“Matt, I-it’s me.” Luke’s words caught in his throat, he blinked back the tears that were threatening, he hated that he was the cause of Matt’s fear.

“Luke?” Matt’s small voice reached his ears and he let out a breath of relief ruffling his friend’s shaggy blonde hair in the process. He watched avidly as Matt’s breathing began to slow and recognition was beginning to show on his features.

“Yeah Matt, it’s just me, I swear I won’t hurt you; I can explain all of his.” His words rushed over Matt’s body, and he shuddered at the bizarre feeling of such large breathes washing over him, but he recognized those blue eyes, the freckles that were scattered across his cheeks and nose, his curly brown hair bounced and hung around his eyes, this was Luke, just magnified.

Matt pushed himself up to sit cross legged in his friends’ hands and craned his neck to look up at his gigantic best friend.

“C-can you p-put me down Luke?” Matt internally beat himself for stuttering over his words, he tried to push the fear away knowing Luke would never truly hurt him, but it was hard to do when your life was literally being held in someone’s hands.

“Promise you won’t run?” Luke appeared hesitant to put his friend down even though he wanted nothing more than for his friend to feel comfortable and safe, he just needed to explain.

“I promise.”

Luke lowered his hands to the forest floor and flattened them out so Matt could step off onto steady ground once again, Matt really wanted to kiss the floor once he’d stepped off but refrained from the dramatic display of relief for the sake of his friend’s feelings.

“So, what happened to you dude? Fall into a radioactive pit or something? Is this permanent?”

“I’m a size shifter, as far as I know I was born with this ability, but I can’t always control it very well, particularly when I’m stressed like today, I’m so sorry.” Luke settled himself into a sitting position and crossed his legs, keeping a few feet between himself and Matt.

“How does this even happen? So, what, your parents obviously know right? Does anyone else know?”

“Yeah, my parents know, but no one else, I swear I wanted to tell you, but my parents said it was best to keep it secret, for my safety you know?”

Matt shook his head in disbelief and looked up and up at his best friend’s face, he looked so concerned, he knew Luke had always been the quieter and more self-conscious of the two, but he found it hard to believe that someone who stood ten times taller than anyone else could look so much like a hurt puppy.

“Okay so if you can shift sizes, why don’t you, you know, shrink back down now?”

He watched with curiosity as Luke closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths before letting out a frustrated groan.

“I can’t yet.” He looked so apologetic, like all he wanted to do was be his regular size and hug his best friend but couldn’t.

“The burst I had was a pretty big one, sometimes it takes a little while before I can shift again, I’m sorry, I know I must seem really scary to you.” He looked down at his hands that were resting in his lap like he was a monster.

“That’s okay, no harm done.” Matt slowly walked towards his large friend and held a hand out, hesitating only briefly before resting it on Luke’s jean clad thigh and patted it comfortingly. Luke’s lips twitched into a smile watching his friend trying to be comforting despite him being obviously still uneasy around the giant. He appreciated it all the same.

“So uh, is this the real reason you live in that granny flat instead of in your folks house?”

Luke chuckled softly and nodded.

“Yeah, when I was younger, I would have bad dreams and shift in my sleep, it was safer to have me out of the house, that hasn’t happened in a long time though.”

“I still can’t believe you kept this a secret from me for so long, we’ve known each other since first grade!” Matt stood back again, not out of fear but so that he could see all of his friend while he was talking to him.

“I really wanted to tell you dude, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine I get it, just pissed because all this time we could have been using this power to you know fight crime and stuff! We could have scared bullies away or something.” Matt threw up his hands in dramatic exasperation but smiled anyway. Luke rolled his eyes.

“So? You’re cool with this? Really? And you won’t tell anyone?” Luke leaned forward looking earnestly at Matt.

“Yeah gigantor, your secret is safe with me.” Luke chuckled at the nickname and smiled.

The two hung out in the clearing for a few hours, chatting as if nothing had changed between them, just two friends hanging out and passing time.

[foxy-eva]

A Remedy for Rivalry

Summary: Spencer decides to put his rival in her place after she got cocky about her academic achievements

Request: I was wondering if you could do a one shot of jealous Spencer with an enemies to lovers-ish trope? Added black lingerie would be appreciated because I just love pieces like that too much

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader 

Category: Smut

Content Warnings: (18+, minors DNI) mild dom/sub undertones (Dom!Spencer, Sub!Reader), a little bit of sexism (related to being a woman in a male dominated field), arguing, jealousy, possessiveness, teasing, praising, thigh grinding, fingering, protected penetrative sex

Author’s Note: I wrote this for the lovely @reidsbookclub and her one year celebration! The prompt I used is: "Meet me outside." "NOW" 

Word count: 4.8k

Masterlist

Being invited to speak at a conference alongside renowned researchers was all I had dreamed of for years. When I noticed that a certain someone was getting significantly less time to speak at the stage than I did, I couldn’t have been happier. Ever since he took on a full-time teaching job at the university I had worked at for years, he seemed to always be a step ahead of me when it came to publications. But today the tables had turned.

Dr. Spencer Reid was outshone by my academic achievements and I knew it made him furious. 

A part of me knew that seeing him more as a colleague than a rival would have made my life easier. But I couldn’t get over the fact that he had gotten everyone’s attention once he became a professor. So much so that I had to drop one of my classes because all the female students decided to attend his lectures instead. 

Of course I knew that this had nothing to do with his teaching skills. 

It was as if suddenly I had to work twice as hard to get half the praise he got. So it was only natural for me to enjoy the spotlight for once. The little get-together after the main event was a perfect opportunity to get to know other researchers to build a little network. I was deep in a conversation with a neuroscientist whose publications I had recently read when I noticed Dr. Reid approaching us to listen to our conversation. 

I didn’t mind his presence at all. In fact, I really wanted to see his face when he heard a well-respected scientist like Dr. Smith praise me for my achievements. 

“I must say, I was really impressed by you talking on stage earlier. And that had nothing to do with how stunning you look,” Dr. Smith said with a little wink. 

My smile instantly dropped while I saw a smug grin forming on Dr. Reid’s face. Why men had such a hard time giving compliments without mentioning appearances I would never understand. 

“Well, her looks might have been the reason nobody noticed the blatant mistake she made in her presentation,” Dr. Reid chuckled. 

“Excuse me?!” I hissed at him. 

“The paper you cited for your work was revised two days ago, making your whole argument invalid.”

I felt the color draining from my face as I tried to wrap my head around what he was saying. 

“As far as I see it, that is just a reason to do more research and publish another one of your brilliant articles,” Dr. Smith tried to appease me. 

It didn’t work. I downed my drink and left the party, stepping outside to breathe in some fresh air. I felt defeated and humiliated and decided that this time I wouldn’t let Dr. Reid get away with it. I pulled out my phone from my purse to send him a text. 

“Meet me outside,” was what I typed, followed by a second text right after. “NOW”

It took him exactly two minutes and thirty-four seconds to stand beside me outside of the building. 

As soon as I saw him I started yelling, “What the hell was that? You can’t undermine me like that!”

“I wouldn’t call it that. It was just me correcting you,” he said matter-of-factly. 

“Do you really think you’re better at doing this because… You’re a man?” 

“What? No! That has nothing to do with gender. Except that you’d have more time to do your research if you didn’t flirt with every man in there,” he mocked me. 

“You mean every man but you.”

He only huffed at that, averting his eyes from me to look at the ground instead. A reaction I hadn’t expected but found very interesting. I couldn’t let that go just yet. 

“If I recall correctly, you did agree with Dr. Smith that I looked stunning,” I teased. 

“His words, not mine,” he muttered. 

After taking a deep breath, I calmed down slightly and asked, “Tell me, Dr. Reid, what exactly is your problem with me?” 

“You mean other than you being nothing but spiteful ever since we started working together?” He spat. 

I shook my head, “I’m not that bad.” 

“You kind of are.”

I thought back to the times he tried to engage in a conversation and I didn’t even grant him a look because I was so angry at him for having had to drop one of my classes. Maybe there was a little bit of truth in what he said. 

“But I’m still good at what I do,” I countered. 

He seemed a little more leaned back now as well but he still couldn’t stop insulting me. “Most of the time, yes. But your latest research methods were a little… flawed.”

“Well, you’re flawed!” 

“Wow,” he chuckled. “Clever.”

“Look, Dr. Reid. There is a place for both of us in this field. I know you have a lot of experience but I have worked really hard to get where I am and I won’t let you take this away from me,” I tried to explain without it getting out too harshly. 

“I’m not trying to take anything away from you. In fact, I would have liked to do some research together with you when I started working at the university. But every time I tried to talk to you, you just showed me how much you despised me.”

He couldn’t hide the slight trembling in his voice and I wasn’t sure if it was from being angry or hurt. 

I brushed a strand of hair out of my face as I said, “It’s just… as a woman in my field, it feels like I have to work extra hard to get credit.”

His eyes found mine and for the first time ever I noticed how kind they were. 

“That’s understandable. I know the dean made you drop one of your classes because of the… influx of female students in my lectures. That wasn’t fair. If it helps, I’m pretty sure most of them aren’t actually there to learn anything.”

The last part made me laugh, “Yeah, I saw how they look at you.”

I noticed a rosy shade spreading over his cheeks, his eyes finding the ground once more. 

When our eyes locked again, he had a sincere look on his face. “I’m sorry about exposing you in front of Dr. Smith like that. I should not have done that.”

“Maybe you could actually tell me what about my method seems flawed to you when we get back to work?” I suggested. 

Suddenly there was a glimmer in his eyes I couldn’t ignore. He stepped closer to me but still kept a fair amount of distance between us. I had never allowed myself to look at him like I did then. I had never seen him as the man he was and not just a rival I had to beat. It was then that I felt the warmth radiating from his smile and I secretly hoped it wasn’t the last time I’d notice that. 

“That would mean you’d have to spend time with me,” he chuckled. 

I joined him in his laughter, “If it’s for science, I think I could endure that.”

Dr. Reid glanced at his watch. “It’s getting pretty late, I think I’m heading back to my room.”

“Yeah, I think I’ll do that too.” 

A smug grin formed on his face at the innuendo. 

“To my room, I mean,” I snickered. 

Together we entered the hotel and stepped into the elevator, realizing that our rooms were on the same floor. When I reached my door I whispered, “Good night, Dr. Reid.” 

“Please, call me Spencer.”

“Good night, Spencer,” I breathed as I stepped into my room, closing the door behind me. 

As I rinsed my body under the shower, I thought about the conversation I had with Spencer. He had shown me a side of him I hadn’t noticed before and I couldn’t shake the feeling that this had to do with how I treated him. A knot built in my stomach at the thought of how things could have gone differently if I had given him a chance months ago. 

I only then realized that underneath the intellect and cockiness he wore as armor, there seemed to be a kind and warm man with a more exciting side as well. Maybe it was the researcher in me who wanted to explore every part of him, to see which hidden sides I could make him show me when we were alone.  

When I stood in front of my suitcase to look for something to sleep in, I suddenly held a set of black lace lingerie in my hands. I didn’t pack it for anyone to see but myself because it always gave me an extra boost of confidence when I wore it underneath my usual attire. However, in that moment I couldn’t stop my mind from wandering to the image of Spencer’s face with his mouth agape and his cheeks tinted red at the sight of my underwear. 

The knot I felt in my stomach before quickly turned into a pleasant tingling that spread through my whole body. When I put on the flimsy pieces of lace I got a boost of confidence and decided that there was still something I had to tell Spencer tonight. 

After putting on a pair of jeans and a shirt, I smiled to myself. Spencer didn’t know about the secret underneath the first layer of my clothes and maybe he never would. But if he’d give me a chance to let him in on it, I definitely wouldn’t let it pass. 

With three firm knocks against his hotel room door I announced my presence. Spencer opened a few seconds later, staring at me like a deer caught in headlights. I let my eyes roam over his body and couldn’t stop the smile from forming on my face when I saw him wearing a washed-out shirt and flannel pajama pants. 

“Y/N! What are you doing here?” 

“I can’t stop thinking about our conversation and there is something I need to tell you,” I announced. 

He stepped aside to let me enter, closing the door behind us. The room was only lit by the lamp on the nightstand, an open book laying abandoned on the sheets. I turned to face him, standing a little more than an arm’s length away from him. 

“The reason I came here is… I thought about what you said, about how I treated you. I’m sorry I acted this way. I would really like a fresh start,” I admitted. 

He didn’t say anything, instead he stared at me with his lips slightly parted. 

“Please, Spencer.”

That seemed to get his attention. I noticed how his eyes darkened slightly as he took a deep breath. 

I continued, “I’m sure we can find common ground if we both try. Maybe we could meet somewhere in the middle.”

He started to smirk and stepped closer until I could almost feel the heat radiating from his skin. 

“What are you doing?” I muttered. 

“Meeting you in the middle. Now it’s your turn to take a step,” he chuckled. 

“I… didn’t mean that in a physical way.”

He came even closer. “Are you sure about that? You don’t seem to mind the proximity.” 

He was right about that. But there was something about his confident demeanor that made me incredibly nervous. I thought that I could walk over here and take the lead in our encounter, but by the way he stared at me I knew that I wouldn’t have the upper hand tonight. The thought of that excited me more than I could put into words. 

I took a step in his direction, halting right before our bodies could touch. I stared up at him, wondering if he had expected me to make the next move. His eyes fell to my lips for a split second and I noticed his tongue darting out of his mouth to lick over his lips. He looked at me like a man starved, his appetite growing the longer he kept his eyes on me. 

The tension between us was almost unbearable and I felt like my head was spinning, unable to grasp how the energy between us could have shifted so drastically in such a short time. Maybe I had been in denial about how attracted I was to him this whole time. 

Without a warning he started to speak, “I also thought about our conversation.”

I raised my eyebrows at him, interested in what he had to say. 

“You said you had noticed how those girls were looking at me.”

It took me a moment to remember what he was hinting at until I realized he was talking about all those female students who didn’t exactly make a secret of their attraction towards their professor. 

“Yes, it’s very obvious,” I whispered. 

“You do know, I would never do anything about that, right?”

I had never thought about Spencer in that context. He didn’t really strike me as the person to cross a line like that, so I shook my head. 

“Good. The truth is, I don’t care about them at all. It’s ironic really. I walk around the campus every day, noticing how those girls start chatting when they see me. And all I ever think about is the one woman whose attention I can’t seem to get.” 

My eyes widened at the realization that he was talking about me. He said it with an almost harsh tone in his voice but he couldn’t conceal the vulnerability bleeding through his words. 

I placed my fingertips on his cheeks and noticed how he closed his eyes for a moment and leaned into my touch. I leaned against him, his hands instantly flying to my waist to hinder me from moving away from him again. That was the last thing I wanted to do right then anyway. 

With our lips mere inches away from one another, I whispered, “I’m sorry it took me so long but I see you now. I see you, Spencer.” 

He didn’t hesitate to close the distance then, his lips pressing against mine with a fervor that shocked my whole system. He pushed against my body until my back met the nearest wall, having me gasp against his lips. He saw that as an invitation to deepen our union, his tongue meeting mine as he melted into me. 

My hand flew to his hair, grabbing a fistful to keep him in place. We kissed each other hungrily, months of rivalry finally unloading at the contact. When I thought that we couldn’t possibly get any closer to each other, he leaned further against my body until I could feel the extent of his desire pressing hard against my hip. 

It sent heat directly into my core and there was no way I could have stopped the whimper from escaping my throat. I needed to feel more of him, getting greedy to explore every inch of his body. My palms glided down his body until I found the hem of his shirt, dipping underneath it to feel the skin of his back. 

I felt him breaking out in goosebumps as my fingertips danced over his skin without a barrier. He seemed to appreciate the contact or else he wouldn’t have dared to break our kiss to practically rip his own shirt off his body. He was back at me in no time, kissing along my jaw and down my throat while my hands kept exploring his upper body. 

His hands fell to the hem of my shirt, toying with it before pushing it up slightly to graze his fingertips along my sides. He pulled back to look at me for a moment, stopping me when I attempted to continue our kiss. 

“Do you want this?” He asked. 

He was offering me an out but nothing in this world could have made me take that. “Yes, I want this. More than anything,” I sincerely told him. 

“If you want to stop or do anything else, just tell me.”

“I will.” 

That was the last bit of reassurance he needed to continue. He walked me over to the bed and I expected him to push me onto it but he didn’t. Instead, he sat down on the edge of it and looked at me. 

“Take off your clothes,” he demanded. 

I hesitated for a moment until his eyes found mine, looking at me with the utmost adoration. I shed my shirt and my pants, leaving me standing in front of him in only the set of black lace underwear I had wanted him to see. His eyes roamed over my body as if he was absorbing my image and storing it into his mind. 

When our eyes locked again, a smug grin was prominent on his face. 

“Did you wear that for me?” He chuckled. 

“Yes.” 

My honesty seemed to surprise him as his eyes widened at my answer. 

“So, talking to me wasn’t the only thing you had in mind when you came over.” 

I slowly turned around to let him see every side of my body. “Do you like it?” 

“Very much so,” he groaned. “Come here.” 

He pulled me into his lap and I found his lips to capture them in a soft kiss. It was gentler than the one before but it still left me yearning for more. Spencer placed his hands on my thighs, his fingertips pressing into the supple flesh. He broke the kiss to look at me. 

“Do you want to know why I interrupted your conversation with Dr. Smith?” 

I didn’t quite understand why he would bring up another man at that exact moment until he continued without waiting for my answer. 

“I saw the way he looked at you. And I couldn’t stand the thought of him taking you to his room tonight,” he confessed. 

My fingertips traced the scruff on his jaw. The thought of him getting jealous let my panties quickly dampen. Instead of teasing him for his feelings, I decided to reassure him instead. 

“I’m here with you now.”

His eyes got a shade darker as I witnessed his pupils dilating. 

“It’s where you belong,” he groaned before kissing me once more. 

He pulled back with my lower lip caught between his teeth, only letting go of it when he heard me whimpering. 

“Say it!” He ordered. 

He seemed almost desperate in his need to be reassured that it was really him I wanted to be with. 

“I belong with you, Spencer.”

With one swift motion he repositioned us to lie on the bed. His mouth was all over me, exploring every inch of my skin within reach. He nipped at the sensitive skin of my neck before tracing my collarbones with his lips. Wandering further down, he kissed along the seam of my bra before finding my hardened peaks through the thin lace. I arched my back into the contact, getting desperate to feel more of him. 

Reaching behind me, he undid my bra to remove the fabric from my body. He took a moment to take in the sight of my exposed chest before continuing his mission to explore my body. He sucked harshly on my skin whenever he wanted to elicit a whine from my throat, smiling against my skin when those sounds morphed into moans. 

His lips found mine once more while his hand descended further down my body. His fingertips ghosted over the lace of my panties before hooking underneath the waistband to pull them down my thighs. My own hands started to get more curious as well, gliding down his back until they found the soft fabric of his pajama pants. 

“You’re wearing too many clothes,” I breathed between kisses. 

Spencer didn’t hesitate to get rid of the remaining pieces of clothing, leaving him just as bare as I was. We pressed our skin into one another, our kisses growing more heated while our bodies started rocking against each other. His length was pressing hard against my thigh until my hand wrapped around it to slowly stroke it. 

The groan he let out when I swiped my thumb over his leaking tip echoed through the room and imprinted directly into my brain.  

His hand grazed over my inner thighs several times, always skipping over where I wanted to feel him the most. The longer he denied me the much needed contact, the more desperate I grew. I was burning for his touch, for some friction, for anything really. In an attempt to soothe my aching core, I pressed my thighs together. 

Spencer was not happy when he noticed that. 

With more force than necessary, he pushed my legs apart and looked at me with furrowed brows. He hovered over me with one of his legs between mine. Pushing his thigh against my heat, I gasped at the sudden contact. 

“Here, show me how desperate you are.”

It took me a second to understand but once I knew what he wanted from me, I started grinding against his leg, seeking the friction I so desperately longed for. Spencer hovered over me, unable to decide whether to look at my face or my wet folds moving against his skin, leaving a shimmer of arousal on his leg. 

“That’s my good girl,” he praised me. 

I was getting desperate as I chased some relief, aware that it would be hard for me to find it this way. 

When I dared to close my eyes Spencer groaned, “Look at me!” 

I obeyed but struggled to keep my lids open as the pleasure overcame me. Just when I thought that I could actually fall over the edge like this, he denied me the contact. I whined in protest, the tension in my loins becoming almost too much. 

“Not yet,” he cooed, “not until I tell you to.” 

He was still hovering over me, propped up with one of his elbows beside my head. He kept kissing me while his other hand snuck down between our bodies to make contact with my heat. Moving his fingertips through slick folds, I couldn’t contain the moans and sighs rolling from my lips and directly into his mouth. 

When he slowly entered me with two of his fingers, I couldn’t help but clench my walls at the intrusion. He halted his motion, waiting patiently for my body to let him in. 

“Relax,” he whispered against my lips. “I want to make you feel good.” 

After taking a deep breath, I welcomed him inside me and he started to work his fingers against the tight flesh. My hips began to rock against his hand as I quickly longed for more. When he seemed to be pleased with the way my body reacted to his touch, he removed his hand to get up from the bed. 

He was back on the mattress with a little foil wrapper in his hand after just a few seconds. Kneeling between my legs, he took his sweet time to let his eyes wander over my body. 

“You look so hot lying all splayed out for me,” he purred. 

How he was still able to form proper sentences I couldn’t understand. I started to feel lightheaded, as if my body might crumble if he didn’t grant me what I longed for. 

“Please, Spencer…” I mumbled. 

“Please what?”

“Fuck me,” I pleaded. “Please.” 

“God,” he groaned as he ripped open the foil, “I will never get enough of hearing you beg.”

After putting on the condom, he leaned over me with his cock aligned at my entrance. He slowly pushed into me while his mouth captured mine, not letting any of my sighs escape. When he reached my deepest point, he halted inside me and I felt him twitching against my walls. 

“You feel amazing,” he mumbled against my lips right before he started moving. “Even better than I had imagined.” 

My eyes got wide at his confession. I wanted to know more about me being the center of lewd fantasies, but I was already too far gone to ask him about it. He decided to tell me anyway. 

“You have no idea how often I thought about bending you over your desk in your office,” he hissed. 

I answered him with my moans at the thought of that, my walls clenching hard around his length. 

He continued, “Everytime you disrespected me, I thought about putting you in your place.”

If him reprimanding me would feel even remotely close to what I was experiencing then, I’d be happy to keep treating him the way I did before. 

His thrusts were deep and hard, keeping a steady rhythm that soon was matched with my hips moving with him. I clung onto his body with my arms and legs around him, only allowing enough room for our hips to move. When the need for air overcame us, our mouths separated to pant against each other’s faces instead. 

With all the built-up tension inside of me, I felt my climax quickly approaching and that didn’t stay unnoticed. Spencer accelerated his pace, his eyes fixated on my face to not miss any of my reactions. 

When I scrunched up my face, he kissed my cheek before whispering into my ear, “Come for me.” 

If life would be perfect, I would have come undone at his command. But I didn’t, instead I kept dancing along the edge, desperate for the final push to enter a state of pure bliss. Spencer seemed to notice my struggle and let one of his hands sneak between our bodies until his thumb found my most sensitive spot. 

He kept a steady pace pushing into me while drawing tight circles around the bud of my crevice until I finally managed to let go. 

“There you go,” he moaned as he watched me fall apart. 

When he felt me pulsating around his length, he retracted his hand and buried his face into the crook of my neck. His thrusts became erratic as he chased his own relief, his breath feeling hot against my skin as he sang my praise in the forms of the sound of his undoing. 

I noticed him holding his breath right before I felt him throbbing inside me. My hips slowly rocked against him until the stimulation got too much for him, making him whimper against my neck. With one hand in his hair and one on his back, I let my fingertips dance over his body as he came down from his high.

It was inevitable for him to move but I still whined when he disappeared in the bathroom. He was back after a few moments with a damp towel in his hand. He sat on the edge of the bed, placing one of his hands on my thigh. 

“Open up for me please.”

I tried to reach for the fabric, muttering, “I can do that myself.”

He softly smiled at me and tapped the skin of my leg, telling me with a soothing tone, “I know that you can, but you shouldn’t have to.”

Without thinking about it further, I let my legs fall open to grant him access to my most delicate parts. He carefully cleaned me up, letting the fabric run through my folds to rid me of the remains of my excitement. 

When he was done he put the towel away to lie down beside me, pulling the blanket over our bodies. I curled into his side, letting my head rest on his chest. His palm brushed over my back, helping me relax inside his embrace. He placed a featherlight kiss on the top of my head before he wanted to know, “Are you okay?” 

I propped myself up on my elbow to be able to look at him. 

“Yes, I am. Are you?”

He smiled at my question. “I’m more than okay.” 

I thought about the conversations that led us to this exact moment and realized something. 

“You never actually told me what you think about a fresh start,” I remarked. 

Spencer broke out in laughter and shook his head. 

“After all that just went down between us, you still need me to confirm that?” He chuckled. 

“To be fair, one could misinterpret this as a hate-fuck.” 

Despite the playfulness in my voice, his eyes softened at my words. His hand found my cheek, having me lean into his touch. 

“That’s not what that was. Not for me, at least,” he cooed. 

I kissed his lips and mumbled against them, “It wasn’t for me either.” 

With his hand on the nape of my neck, he kept me in place to deepen the kiss while shifting our position so he was on top of me once more. He kissed along my cheek until he found my ear. 

“Yes, I would really like a fresh start with you. Especially when it means I can keep doing this” he whispered before kissing down my neck and descending further down my body. 

Feedback is always appreciated. Let me know what you think here!

Taglist: @nomajdetective @reidsbookclub @spookydrreid  @gspenc @justreadingficsdontmindme @sinfulspencer @samuel-de-champagne-problems @matthew-gray-gubler-lover @delicatespencer @malindacath @pauline5525mgg @sanaz1dlol @vesperluvsbillie @thebloomingeagle @pygmygoat-bicyclehelmet @luredwithpretzels @moonlight-2-6 @reidselle @alexxavicry @frickin-bats @adhdanxiety @spencersprettyslut @s4r4hsblog @sebs-oxygen @aftripp @reidsmilf @accountdeletedpleasedisregard @beepbooptoop @mrsobrien888 @liltimmyst @vanillscented @encyclo-reid-ia

Join my taglist here

[izoom02]

Previous | Next Masterlist

“My cold class president”

Pairing: Class President! Wonwoo x Reader

Genre: Fluff, slight angst

Summary: You have a crush on your class president, Wonwoo, you are trying to get close with him, however.. he keeps giving you cold shoulder, what will happen if he became jealous because you interacted with another boy? (his rival A.K.A Mingyu)

Warning: some curse words

Notes: hi guyss! Uhmm its been a while since I posted (10 months omg..) I came to apologize for not posting for s long time! And also I’ll be dropping the heeseung smau since I lost motivation to do it, and again I apologize for it! Hope you guys enjoy this one thoughh, I also might make it a smau.

——————��————————

YOUR POV:

I sighed an wonder what did I do to make Wonwoo despise me… I started taking down notes that Mingyu sent me, his notes is well written and make me understand the lesson better.

The next day, I went to our school, I went to the library to revise the notes I took last night, it was quite easy thanks to Mingyu, I was about to head out but I was stopped by my math teacher telling me to distribute the books from the rightful owner he collected from us last week which I obliged, It was really heavy.

I pouted because of Wonwoo’s message, I dont even know why I like him, I just do. I waited for Mingyu to come, I cant stop overthinking why is he cold to me, Mingyu saw me and helped me carry the books, we chatted about our upcoming quiz, he noticed that I was a bit blue and asked “Whats wrong?”, “Oh nothing! Im just wondering why is Wonwoo always cold especially to me”, he paused for a moment to think and said “I dont know why but im sure he is just doing his role as the class president, dont worry he doesnt hate you”, I smiled at his words and went to our classroom.

———————————————

WONWOO’S POV:

I saw Wonyoung’s post, which bothered me a bit, just a bit.. I dont know why, im just tired from my responsibilities.

The teacher went in, so does Mingyu and Y/N.. I dont like how close they are..

I can’t focus properly because of them, should I do something? Should I ask if we can go home together? As a friend though.. nothing more.

———————————————

If you guys wanna be on my taglist, please tell me!! And also, I hope you like this one , im sorry for any error or cringy part

[traegorn]

I need to stop doing this to myself.

(A Rant Where Trae Has Written Too Many Books This Month)

So since most of you started following me because of Witchcraft or podcast stuff, I realize a lot of you don't know how much fiction writing I do.

Primarily what I've published are comics. The big one is UnCONventional (which ran from December of 2009 to December of 2019), but I also did a steampunk comic called The Chronicles of Crosarth (which I put on hiatus in like 2018 intending to come back to... but I haven't, and I make no guarantee that I will even though over 650 of the 800 planned pages are done). Crosarth is... fine? The art isn't great in either of these, but UnCONventional carries itself with the humor.

But that's all old stuff. You may be like "Trae, what have you been producing for the last four years," and the answer is "not a lot." I got major creative block with the pandemic. Peregrine Lake, the "Northwoods Gothic" comic I was supposed to launch in 2020 (which has some characters from UnCONventional in it) didn't materialize when I said it would. What storytelling energy I had went into Stormwood & Associates and The Meatgrinder (my two actual play podcasts), but that was it.

And then 2023 happened, and the juices started flowing again.

Peregrine Lake is moving forward -- but with me just doing the writing. My urge to draw has not returned, but my urge to write has. A friend of mine, Ethan Flanagan, is drawing it, and I've written the first year of comics. It likely won't launch any time soon (the artist I'm working with is busy as hell so we want to get a shit-ton of the comic done before we launch it -- we have like the first month and a half of the comic ready?). But yeah -- it's happening. I hoping for Spring, but we'll see.

The other thing though is that I've started writing, like, novels. I've always had like twenty ideas in my head, so I figured I'd give it a shot. I decided to start with the idea I cared the least about (in case I fucked it up): A queer urban fantasy story.

In the last month and a half I've written complete drafts of two different novels in this setting, and am halfway through another one... and have another one outlined.

I, uh, had some ideas.

If you're asking yourself "Hey Trae -- what the fuck? That's a lot" you need to know a few things that aren't obvious. At one point in college, in 72 hours, I produced over 40 pages of text between three research papers. All were for 300 level courses, and I may have disassociated while writing them because I frankly don't remember most of it. But, like, they were decent papers.

One of those papers is in Google Scholar.

Anyway, yeah. I haven't been sleeping great because I've been obsessively writing, but you might ask "Why didn't you just write one and get it ready to publish?" That's a great question. Because I wrote a book, and when I was 3/4 of the way through it I realized something very important: This book would make a great sequel to a book I haven't written. I've been writing book two in a series where I haven't written book one yet.

Well fuck.

So I finished that draft, and I went and wrote book one. Now that book? That book I'm getting ready to publish. I expect to have it out in January. Part of my editing process involves setting what I think is a completed, good, revised draft down for a couple of weeks and then returning to it with fresh eyes. We're in that waiting period right now.

But I still had a bunch of energy.

So the first thing I did was a revising draft on book two (the one I wrote first), but I finished that. And had more energy. And more stories in this setting kept popping up.

So I started a third book. And I'm halfway through the first draft of that book. But then I realized yesterday... shit, this isn't book three.

This is book four.

I need stuff to happen before we get to this story.

So now I've outlined the actual book three, and am working on literally both of these books at once (I'll take a break for Christmas and then go do a final edit on Book One).

And... I'm just like... why am I like this?

I need to stop myself for a few days and get more sleep.

[kadextra]

another orv longpost is here 🕺

(again huge spoilers for the novel don’t click if you haven’t read)

since my last one of these, I have completed reading the demon realm revolutionary arc >:D

now lets get some miscellaneous thoughts out of the way before I go into analysis

THAT SCENE FROM AGES AGO WHICH I BARELY REMEMBERED FINALLY REVEALED ITS PURPOSE!!! MY JAW DROPPED. thank goodness fatherhood has made han myungoh way more likeable 🎉 he’s so soft & doting about his daughter <3 I want their little family to reunite go away asmodeus…

b i y o o.

I have noticed that the author loves to use the phrase “cold water poured over [the mood]” and that’s sooo accurate cause I felt exactly this way when dokja opened the 1st revision of TWSA and found it became an account of events influenced by his involvement in the story & is set after his future death. chills.

when dokja was legit about to die after destroying the demon duke guy in the big factory monster my heart was racing too. then joonghyuk came with the save last second :’D

the part where he described his senses after re-entering the scenario, the story embracing him, changing his breathing to feel alive again, and how that frightened him. ohh my god…..

also neat to see how the fourth wall helps practically too :D like when dokja was all mentally scattered and couldn’t think straight it helped by putting the pieces he already knew together for him

-

now onto some analysis dissecting dokja’s behavior :))

multiple times I’ve read how he hears a shocking thing and instantly goes like “I thought it was an auditory hallucination.” his first reaction to unbelievable stuff is believing that it’s not real. his power literally disassociates him it makes complete sense to react this way, good detail

it’s cool how he will be like ‘I think this’ then the fourth wall goes [Kim Dokja is thinking this]. sometimes it’s a helpful expansion of those original thoughts, or vice versa with dokja continuing off what the fourth wall says first

but it can be that the two lines of thought presented aren’t alike!! so I have had to read deeper into what he’s really thinking/feeling :D

through that, it is becoming way clearer to me in this story how some things dokja says & does are contradictory with what he himself narrates. it’s something that needs my closer attention while reading bc otherwise I could get fooled, he’s an unreliable narrator

sometimes he feigns disinterest when all signs in the dialogue point to him being emotional, or he puts on a confident narration but then the fourth wall or his actions exposes insecurity. sometimes he straight up has no idea why he’s acting certain ways -which I try piecing together- and occasionally he fights with himself too

these lines show that stuff pretty well

It was a reckless battle. It was uncharacteristic of me and I didn’t know why I acted like that.

No, don’t think like this. Kim Dokja, please wake up. You’ve survived so far thanks to this novel.

I wanted to ask why he came here. I wanted to ask what he would do in the future. However, completely different words emerged from my mouth.

I smiled slightly while covering my eyes with both hands. I didn’t appear so on the surface, but I wanted to say that I was smiling.

he was absolutely crying in the last one I know it

not my first rodeo with unreliable characters I love them <3

lastly, dokja was more desperate in this arc than I’ve ever seen him before. I saw how he started to get more troubled as it went on, but ofc the constant painful disintegration didn’t help 💀 the 1st revision.txt is useful with figuring out what to do but it’s sorta vague, he’s still anxious

that’s why I LOVED the writing on the wall conversation with jang hayoung.

it delved into those stresses and had him trying to think of a way to move forward. probably one of my most favorite discussions in the story thus far

I had to write something on this wall. This is despite the fact that it might change what has already been written…

I didn’t want to be a person who only read.

I had been acting as a reader the whole time. In order to see the ending I wanted, I had to create a new story. In fact I had already warped reality.. I just didn’t know yet who would read it.

👏🔥👏💯🔥👏💯🔥👏

a person who doesn’t just read, but writes too… so curious to see what he does now especially since he doesn’t have multiple lives to mess with

wow long ramble but I love love deep diving into stuff I can’t wait to see more cool things as I go on <3

if you wanna see my other rambles about orv check my tag #kade reads

[wilteddreamsofbaldursgate]

5. The First Draft: Just Write.

Finally—the notorious writing!

There’s no right or wrong way to write. I know there are countless guides on writing and outlining and whatnot and they absolutely do have merit, but since you’re just starting: just write. 

At this point, you’ve already done most of the things a more seasoned writer does more consciously: you developed your idea, you have your plot, and you more or less know where you’re going. That’s all you need, so let’s start writing. Honestly, don’t be shy—open a new document and write down what comes to your mind. You can worry about style and expertise later. For now, you just want to put your ideas into proper words and sentences and bring your plot together. You can start from the beginning and work your way down to the end, but nothing’s keeping you from starting wherever you like. Maybe you want to write that one scene you can visualise so clearly first, or start with the very last sentence of your fic. You can put all the pieces together later. Again: Do whatever works best for you! 

As you write you’ll run into issues. A scene might not quite work out or requires some more prelude. A sentence might sound weird. You might realise that your plot has holes. Don’t hang yourself up on these things—you can always solve those problems later. And then you’ll run into more issues, but you’ll solve those, too. Don’t worry about anything but writing for now—I’m actually proposing you be a little mindless here! In your first draft, you’re usually just dumping everything you have, so, naturally you’ll think it’s the Worst Thing That’s Ever Been Written, but it’s not. You made something from nothing and you will make that something into a Good Thing: a finished draft, a great story. The real magic happens when you revise your draft, sometimes over and over again. 

“But what if the words won’t come, Emi? And what if you’re wrong and I break every writing rule in existence?” You ask. 

I say: Fuck the rules. Fuck around and find out! Nobody’s gonna send you to writing prison (though, there might be some people who DO think they’re the writing police. But fuck them, too, honestly. Of course, there’s a huge difference between constructive criticism and policing you!).  

Maybe you’ve heard of the phrase “It was a dark and stormy night.”? It’s part of the opening line of a 19th-century novel, and people love to talk shit about it. This phrase is generally known to be a synonym for “bad writing” (especially bad fanfic writing, these days); it’s “too much tell, no show”—but we don’t care about that. “It was a dark and stormy night.” is a great phrase. You want to make words? Well, then give me words. Tell me everything. Tell me what colour the curtains were, and tell me exactly how that tree looked and how that character felt when they got incinerated by the “full, concentrated power of the sun”. The night was dark and stormy, you say? Cool. What else was it? What night are we talking about? Who was there? What did they do? Were they alright once morning came? 

If you don’t want to tell me, tell yourself, then….and oh, look at that! You filled another page with beautiful words. It doesn’t even matter if you don’t end up using all those words in your final draft (you won’t), but it matters that you wrote and got a feeling for them. It also matters that you can explain to me or—even better yet—yourself why those words were necessary, while others were not. That’s how you go from just writing to finding your style, what you like and what you don’t like. You’re the first reader of your story and it’s only natural to be your own worst critic but don’t let it get to your head. Writing is all about figuring things out—so keep asking your questions!

Now that you got down to writing, your questions will change. While you started out asking your ideas “What happens next and why?”, you’ll now ask yourself “Does this line sound good? Wait…does it even make sense? Oh, what if I found a different word for this?”—and that’s exactly where you want to be. See? You’re doing just fine!

Next: Art or Garbage?

Masterlist

[layzeal]

i said 5 months ago i was gonna share my thoughts on this scene and never did, so it's time to dig this out

what did wei wuxian mean by asking shijie "why would someone like another person" and why i.... don't think he's talking about lan wangji (i know-- i know. just bear with me)

or more accurately: an analysis of chapter 71, wwx's thoughts on love, and how mxtx utilizes parallels between past and present!

(Ch 71 of MDZS web revised edition //// ExR translation)

okay let's get straight to the point that's gonna make y'all want to call me a stupid bitch who can't read: i legitimately do not think wwx was talking about lwj in this scene! here's why:

first and foremost, let's remember what the status of wangxian's relationship was at this point after sunshot ended

first, phoenix mountain: a callback to their teen dynamic. wwx's silly and flirty personality is back, he teases lwj by throwing a peony at him then asking to borrow his ribbon. lwj is frustrated, etc. lwj forcefully kisses wwx then gets angry at himself. wwx finds him and gets worried that something happened to him. they walk together and talk in very friendly manner until the xuanli incident happens. by the end they part on good terms

then, yunmeng teahouse: the first scene of this chapter. wwx is feeling quite upbeat about seeing lwj as they had a nice chat last time they met. he does a lil phoenix mountan callback by throwing a peony at him, then asking him to come upstairs and hang out. lwj does but it.... doesnt end well. he's worried about wwx's worsening temper and fears he's starting to show signs of loss of control, and asks him once again to go to gusu with him. that severely sours wwx's mood, to the point of snapping at lwj when lwj implies that he'll regret it in the future. lwj realizes his mistake and they become polite again, but the atmosphere is significantly strained, and wwx even comments that he was presumptious and shouldn't have invited him over, which lwj dissents. wwx parts with a cordial but distant "thank you", and on... not great terms

what i think really makes the above hurt though is that, when wwx comes back to yunmeng and jc asks who he met. wwx answers this:

worse than jin zixuan.....oof. im so sorry hgj

so, it really is quite tragic. wwx had a nice time with lwj in phoenix mountain, and because of that he wanted to try and wash away their bad blood, ask him to hang out, recall some stories of their youth, maybe mend this relationship that became so strained during the war! what happens instead is that... he gets the harsh reminder of what (in his mind) lwj thinks of his cultivation, thinks he's not in control of it, that it's dangerous and he should be locked up. with that, they're all back to square one :(

the thing is, MDZS is quite known for being non-linear and having a humongous amount of flashbacks, and they're all set and positioned at the time they were for a reason! the thing is, as most read the novel once and then proceed to only revisit scenes separately, naturally forgetting about the grand-picture and the scenes that come before and after, we might misremember how some events play out or the state of the character arcs and relationships, and i believe the popular fanon interpretation that "omggg wwx was asking yanli this bc he likes lwj but can't admit this yet!!!! 🙈" is quite of a great example of this

but!! it's not for any bad reason, after all both the Audio Drama and CQL kinda play up this moment with some beautiful background music. this is, in the end, a romance novel! but let's put a pin on that for a bit and analyze what led to this scene, and why WWX came looking for shijie to ask her this

so as you see, the scene right before was wei wuxian and jiang cheng talking about jin zixuan, with jc asking wwx to not pick fights with him anymore since he's the heir of lanling jin. wwx is baffled because up until that point he and jc were trashtalking buddies when it came to jzx, but there's nothing they can do about it if shijie still likes him

that... makes wwx quite speechless, and he goes searching for her to get an answer. in his mind, jzx is still an awful, undeserving person! so why would shijie like him so much?

why would someone like another person?

of course, he's not as shameless to ask shijie right to her face why she likes someone like jzx, esp since she's already well familiar with his poor opinion of him, so he tries getting an "unbiased" answer by making a vague question, which in turn makes shijie think wwx is in love with someone else

now here's the thing: i feel like fandom tends to flanderize wwx when it comes to his unreliable narration, awareness of his own feelings or lan wangji's. we don't have time to get into that now, but if you've followed me for a while you know my thoughts on this

but here, specifically, i do not think wwx is in "denial about his crush" or "waving off because he doesnt want to get caught". his answer feels genuine, and honestly? really sad once you think about it

"I won't like anyone, at least not too much. Wouldn't it be like putting a rein on my own neck?"

this isn't strange once you consider the types of romantic relationships he grew up observing. other than his own parents', which he's mostly forgotten about, a strong love and attatchment sounds more like tying a rope around your neck. even though wwx is a romantic at heart who flirts easily but had been saving his first kiss for 20 years, he's still never felt this type of love for anyone before, and can't imagine putting himself through it

"So, wait... just because WWX said so you think you should believe it? You're telling me the curtains are just blue? If he's not talking about Lan Wangji, then what's the point of this scene?"

glad you asked!

you see, something that MXTX does quite often with the flashback placement in MDZS is contrast the moments where wangxian's relationship was at its best with moments where it was at its worst. As wwx recall these memories, his pre-conceived notions about lwj get challenged and his actions and words get recontextualized! my favorite example is probably the ending of the flashback of wwx's return, to him waking up in the cloud recesses

no i'll never shut up about this flashback placement. my goddd

so, when looking at the "why would someone like another person" scene, i ask you to not look at it by itself, but as a part of the literary work that mdzs is! because, as the wangxian of the past are stuck in this cordial, but strained relationship, do you remember where the wangxian of the present have currently been left at?

if you ask me, there is something incredibly sweet about leaving these characters at their most tender --- when one is finally beginning to not only understand his own feelings, but to suspect that those feelings are requited, in which he's allowing himself to imagine a calm and happy future with him right as they march inside the lion's den --- and meeting them again when they're younger, and strained, and not fully knowing how to communicate that they care for each other, which in turn only hurts them both.

there is something very sweet about seeing wwx who is slowly realizing that he's in love, testing the waters of that, seeing how much he can take, in what ways he can ask for affection, and then seeing him again as he says "i won't ever like someone, at least not so much. wouldnt it be suffocating? wouldn't it be an impediment? wouldnt it be shackling yourself?" because you, like a cheeky grandma, can look at him and think: you don't know yet, but i've seen you then. you will like someone very much, and it won't be restraining. in fact, you'll never feel more free...

and that is the biggest thing, about revisiting this scene after you're done. because you'll look back this 20-something WWX who genuinely believed loving someone to much is like putting a rein around his own neck... and knowing he'll know a love that not only will not feel like a restrain*, but will be there to catch him whenever something does

*okay, except in bed, but that's only a bonus for wwx

[aria-ashryver]

any chance we can get some snippets of the new chapter?👀

We sure can sunshine!! It has been far too long since we've had an update 😔 so hopefully this keeps you fed while we wait! 💖

(Pretty sure these parts are set in stone, but I may make teensy revisions for the final draft!)

(Lengthy!) Spoilers / Chapter Previews for Ch36 (Out With The Old) under the cut!

From the opening afterglow scene;

Laughter warming his soul, Cas dropped a kiss to the top of Gabriel’s head.

‘Go to sleep,’ he crooned, bundling him up tighter in his arms. ‘You said you were helping me move tomorrow anyway, you might as well just stay the night.’

‘I can’t. I’m meeting my friends for breakfast in the’ —Gabriel’s protests were interrupted by a jaw-cracking yawn— ‘in the morning. If I stay here, we’ll just snuggle, and I’ll miss my breakfast, and we’ll never get any packing done because we stayed in bed for a whole eternity.’

Cas scowled. ‘I don’t snuggle, fuck you!’ he said, brushing his cheek against Gabriel’s hair and breathing in the soft, vanilla scent of his shampoo.

‘Yeah, you already did that,’ Gabriel hummed, eyes sinking closed. ‘Hence the snuggling.’

‘Whatever.’ Cas smiled, his heart swelling with needling pinpricks of tenderness. He stroked another worshipful hand down the sweep of Gabriel’s spine. ‘Also, way to steal my joke, asshole.’

Gabriel laughed against his chest, the sound sleepy and soulful. Cas didn’t think he’d ever heard a more magical sound — only, he’d heard Gabriel coming undone on his tongue not long before, so he was no stranger to magic.

‘Yeah, well…’ Gabriel yawned again, his words slurred and barely audible. ‘You stole something first.’

‘Mmm?’ Cas carded his fingers through Gabriel’s hair. ‘What was it?’

Gabriel’s reply came so faint, so dream-soft, Cas wasn’t sure whether he’d imagined it entirely.

‘…my heart.’

From the diner hangout scene;

Libby’s hair seemed to double in size, crackling about her with incensed humidity. She tossed it out of the way with an enraged little shriek.

‘I cannot believe you didn’t talk to me first! The entire Model UN knew before I did!’

Gabriel’s brow’s drew together in a slight frown. ‘You almost sound like you’d have tried to talk me out of it… Are you just mad I didn’t tell you? Or would you rather I not be dating Cas?’

‘I mean…’ Libby fidgeted in her seat, glancing out the diner window. ‘He’s hot, if you’re into the whole temperamental asshole type. But he’s just so mean to you! Like —okay, he’s mean to everyone, sure— but I swear the minute you moved to town and started going to school here, it was like he made it his life’s mission to irritate you in particular!’

‘Maybe that’s his love language,’ Aiden offered.

‘What?’ Jade snorted. ‘Being a huge dick?’

‘I mean, it kind of is,’ Gabriel agreed.

Libby grabbed one of the menus, her fingers clenching white around its sticky edges. For a moment, Gabriel wondered if she meant to beat him to death with it.

From the moving day scene(s);

Breakfast safely delivered, Gabriel’s first port of call was to replace the blown light bulb in Cas’s kitchen. Cas watched him as he dragged his other stool over to stand on, faint amusement curling his mouth up at the corner.

‘You realise I am moving out today,’ Cas said, around a bite of his bagel.

There was a pause as Gabriel sucked his teeth.

‘It was annoying me,’ he admitted at last, screwing the bulb into place.

‘It’s been out for two months.’

Carefully, Gabriel fit the light cover back into place, passing the blown bulb down to Cas. Cas tossed it in the trash as Gabriel hopped down from the stool and crossed the kitchen to flip on the light switch.

Cheery, yellow light flooded the kitchen.

‘Yes,’ Gabriel said, smugly, ‘and now it’s fixed.’

‘God, it’s so fucking bright in here!’ Cas complained, not because he cared, but mostly because it was fun to complain at Adalhard about whatever, waving his bagel at the room at large.

Luca snorted, shooting Cas a knowing look.

‘Not that “dungeon chic” wasn’t totally working for you,’ —Luca snagged Cas’s bagel to steal a bite— ‘but I’d call this an improvement.’

‘Get your raccoon hands off my bagel, O’Rinn.’

‘Fight me.’

‘Less fighting, more packing,’ Gabriel chided with a smile.

[Moving day cont'd]

‘Hey, look at us being all self-aware! Using our words instead of terrible coping mechanisms.’ Luca toasted Gabriel with their orange juice. ‘Cheers to that.’

‘…Are you drinking orange juice out of a measuring cup?’

‘Cas doesn’t have any clean dishes.’ Luca shrugged. ‘I improvised.’

Gabriel glanced around the kitchen in disbelief. ‘Does everyone in this polycule hate doing the dishes?’

‘Yup,’ Luca said.

Cas nodded. ‘Yessir.’

‘…Ay dios mío.’ With a sigh, Gabriel pressed a kiss to Luca’s forehead and rolled up his sleeves.

[Moving day cont'd] (oh this one is huge, it's like a mini-fic on its own aslkasdjj)

‘Want me to cook us something?’ Gabriel asked ‘I could try and scrape together a meal to use up some of the stuff in your refrigerator.’

Cas’s face shifted in a way that struck Luca as unusually soft; a sort of crumpling around his eyes that spoke of embarrassment and hopeful tenderness all in one.

‘I’ll do it,’ Cas mumbled.

‘Hmm?’

‘I’ll cook for us.’ Gruffly, Cas cleared his throat. ‘You suss out the next truckload of crap and I’ll have dinner ready by the time you get back.’

Lips pressing together as Gabriel tried —failed— to hide his burgeoning delight, he stole across the room to press a kiss to Cas’s cheek.

Cas scrubbed at the wet kiss-mark Gabriel had left behind, his face growing faintly pink.

‘Gross, ew, shut up! Don’t get sappy on me.’

‘I never said anything!’ Gabriel exclaimed, laughing.

‘I can— wait.’ Cas glanced around the kitchen. ‘Where’s my rice cooker?’

‘It’s in the truck already,’ Gabriel said.

‘What happened to “leave the essentials ‘til last”?’

Gabriel raised an eyebrow. ‘You can’t just use a pot?’

‘What am I, a caveman?’

‘What are you gonna make?’ Luca asked, watching Cas pull some items from his vegetable drawer.

‘Budae-jjigae. Bring back my rice cooker!’ Cas yelled, as Gabriel ducked out of the door carrying a side table.

‘Learn to cook rice on your own!’ Gabriel called back.

Luca helped Gabriel load the last couple of boxes for this run into the moving truck as a flustered Cas got started laying out the things he needed for their meal; a deep, wide pan and a portable gas burner went on the kitchen island, followed by a pack of ramyeon and a number of stocks and sauces. By the time Gabriel was ready to go, Cas had started to slice a number of ingredients, laying them in the pan in neat little groupings.

Curious, Gabriel peered over his shoulder, taking in the cold pan, the shut-off burner.

‘You know you have to cook food with heat, right?’ Setting Cas’s rice cooker back on the bench, Gabriel plugged it in, wiping errant rain drops off the lid with a teasing glint in his eye. ‘You are aware that’s how that works?’

‘I know how to—’ Cas cut himself off, huffing a long suffering breath through his nose. He turned from the counter to level Gabriel with a thoroughly unimpressed stare.

A smug grin stole over Gabriel’s sunny features. ‘This is just you failing at toast all over again.’

‘The heat goes on at the end once everything is assembled, smart ass,’ Cas said, cupping Gabriel’s jaw in both hands and flexing his fingers like he wanted to squash his entire head. He settled instead for drawing Gabriel into a kiss, snarling against his mouth when Gabriel started laughing.

‘Suuure it does.’

Something in Luca’s heart kicked to see them like this; all simple domesticity and easy teasing, their kisses unheated and unhurried, barely hinting at the inferno of passion that burned beneath their reciprocal softness. That Cas and Gabriel were head over heels for each other was abundantly clear to see. It made Luca so happy he felt like his heart might bruise with it.

Cas made a scathing noise in the back of his throat, turning his attention back to the ingredients laid out on the bench and snatching up an onion to peel. Luca didn’t miss the smile that bloomed on his face in turn.

Giggling, Gabriel made his way to the door. Gathering up his jacket and one last box, he pressed a kiss to Luca’s cheek in farewell.

‘Make sure he doesn’t burn down his whole apartment while I’m out,’ Gabriel said. Then, raising his voice, added, ‘Oh, wait. That would require him to actually use heat when he cooks, wouldn’t it?’

‘First warning, Adalhard!’

Grabbing the keys, Gabriel shot Luca a wink on the way out, Cas flipping him off as he went.

Bonus! Look at this connection I made with which I:

added depth to Cas's characterisation!

gave myself emotional damage!

Cas had enough pairs of grungy, combat boots and Doc Martens to outfit a small army, all of which he refused to part with, though he happily filled up a heavy-duty plastic bag with a pile of clothing he’d been meaning to donate.

vs.

Cas had always hated rain. Before, when he was still a kid, it’d mean his father had withdrawn to the house, shooed inside by the weather. The drizzle clung to him, an extra layer of irritability slicked on top of an already volatile man. Like a mist of motor oil and gunpowder. Later, it had meant nights with little sleep, hunched in doorways, or park benches, or, when he was lucky, the cramped space between the men’s shoe store and the thrift shop on 48th. It meant waking with wet shoes and fever sinking into his underfed bones.

ahahahahaha YES aria, good job, Cas can't just be a chunky combat boot enjoyer purely for the aesthetics, you have to make it refer back to a time when he was homeless so they become a motif for emotional and financial security ahahahaahhhh if his feet are dry, he knows he's safe, he's not going back to that awful time in his life ahahahaha IM FINE life is cool and fun i love writing