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dearbraus · 7 months

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Covered in the Colour of You ࿐

— Armin Arlert

⊹ Details. 18+ minors dni, cisfem reader (use of girl as reference to the reader), reader's hair gets combed through, reader wears a nightgown, post-canon exploration of characters and setting, reader is mentally ill (so is Armin), hunger as a metaphor for desire, love as consumption, love confessions, first times (Armin is a virgin, Reader is not), first kisses, sex on a table, some foreplay, unprotected sex, creampies, ambiguous ending, angst, hurt/some comfort, childhood friends to lovers. ⊹ Run time. 10k ⊹ Note. I don't know how we got here but I'm glad we did. This was meant to be a cute comfort fic to deal with the ending of Attack on Titan but it became so much more, I hope you enjoy.

❝A surprise visit from your childhood friend, Armin Arlert forces you to confront the feelings you've been harbouring for over a decade..❞

The Jägerist’s cries are deafening, they bounce off the clay brick walls of the surrounding houses and slither through your shuttered window panes. Every Tuesday and Thursday, the newly minted Paradis military regiment convenes in the small town square within the rebuilt city of Shiganshina. It took them just under a month to replace the fallen with green boys and girls who were just buzzing at the idea of honouring Eren Jäger and avenging his death. Once Paradis managed to secure the resources– if there were any left– you were certain that the military would erect a bronze statue of Paradis’ “saviour”. For now, they’d bother napping babies and the elderly folk who milled about the area to soak in some of the sun’s sweet warmth.

Today they seemed to be reminding those who’d spare an ear to listen, that traitors would soon shore and with them came treasonous falsehoods. If not for Queen Historia who still harbours some morsel of affection for her old comrades, they’d be as good as dead the moment their ship docked. Word spread quickly, how you weren’t sure, but like wildfire the claim that Armin Arlert had been the one to kill Eren Jäger scorched the plains and further sowed the seeds of instability amongst the population.

The irony of such a ludicrous statement was not lost on you. Armin Arlert couldn’t kill Eren Jäger, they were best friends and all of Shiganshina knew there could not be one without the other. You had known the two almost as long as they had known each other. Shiganshina wasn’t so big in those days, Grisha Jäger was the only doctor and Armin’s father was something of a handyman. They were who you called upon when something was amiss and you’d thank them with a warm meal or something sweet. That was what you did in those days, you showed kindness wherever you could. They were so simple, those days when the walls kept secrets and our minds were shrouded with ignorant bliss. Some mornings when you woke before the sun had yet risen, you wished Paradis could have remained tucked safely beneath the blanket King Fritz had pulled over the island.

What little sense of communal affection remained dwindled with calls to action that erupted from the square.

This morning, the sense of longing that had settled between your lungs weighed heavily as you listened to the shouting. You wished the clock would turn back and the next time you woke, you’d be ten years old and the house you lived in would be your home. It was sort of a sick joke, to be given the keys to the house built upon the rubble of your family's home. Floch handed you the keys as if he had done you this great personal service when it had been Eren, Armin, Mikasa, and their friends who had dug through the wreckage to salvage the home they too had lost. Vagrancy was tiring and what little money you had to your name after years of working for meagre wages that just barely covered your expenses, maybe you should have been grateful to at least collect a few pieces of your life before even if they jagged and misshapen. Something was better than nothing, wasn’t it?

It had to be.

There needed to be some reason for you to keep going. Lately, there didn’t seem to be any. Everything felt wrong. The once-cobbled streets were made of smooth even stone that allowed you to bounce around the city with ease, it reminded you of the capital. As a child, you often felt jealous that Wall Sina was home to such niceties while you were made to trip over protruding stones and wade through mud puddles in the wet months. Now though, you’d give anything for a semblance of a distant past that would make Shiganshina home once more. But as you lingered around your old haunts, searching for familiar faces and memories that would ease the pain in your chest, all you’d find was something new and foreign that left you feeling disappointed.

Turning over onto your side you curled inwards, a soft sigh passing your lips as you willed your mind to banish the longing that gnawed at you. The cool breeze that glides through your window leaves goosebumps on the bits of flesh that aren’t being swaddled by your thin white blanket. All the battle cries seemed to have simmered down as the sun inched closer toward the middle of the sky. You might be able to catch the morning market before they pack up their wares for the day if you leave now. Your icebox was pathetically empty, with only a head of rapidly wilting lettuce and milk to occupy the space. Sitting upward with a yawn, you cast a glance toward your dresser. Your clothes hang sloppily over the side of the open drawers. You should probably tidy things up before the hour grows too late.

The sleek, mousy brown floorboards that make up the second story of your house do not creak as you pad across the room—your chest aches, though you’ve grown desensitised to the familiar feeling. Your house used to creak and groan when the wind blew too roughly, and the walls were thin enough that you’d wake to the sound of your mother humming as she prepared breakfast for your family. You tried not to dwell too hard, if anything you should have been relieved. An unexpected storm wouldn’t dare to blow the roof off your house now.

Plucking the soft, brown wool knit cardigan off the lip of your cracked door you slipped the fabric over your body. Your delicate muslin nightgown did little to keep the morning chill away. It did even less to preserve any ounce of modesty. Your bare feet slapped against the stairs as you headed downward, and a soft knock sounded at your door. Pulling your cardigan closer to your body you sighed. It must have been Mrs. Bergmann from next door coming to check on you, make sure you left your house this week, let in some fresh air– function as any other human would, that sort of stuff. She had been widowed long ago, her only son had been one of the many scouts to give his life for a free Paradis. There wasn’t much for her to do aside from checking in on her neighbours. She was a wife, a mother– it was in her nature to nurture all the little lost souls she came across.

“I’m coming Mrs. Bergmann,” You called, your voice echoing around the empty space that would have been your living room, “You don’t need to call in Werner to bust down the door just yet!”

Forcing a smile to your lips, you prepared yourself to open the door. Mrs. Bergmann was well-meaning on the best of days, if a little nosey on the worst. It was better to have someone than no one at all, you remind yourself, pushing back the urge to blanche and roll your eyes at the urgency of her knocking. Rubbing the sleep from your eyes, you hope your hair wasn’t too gnarly after all the tossing and turning you did last night. The door opens with a soft click as you twist the knob open.

Shock blows through you as you blink at the person on the other side. Your eyes frantically open and close, trying to make sense of who stood before you but as your synapses fired off round after round, searching for something, they found nothing.

“Armin?” You timidly ask, your throat twists up and grows dry.

The syllables on your tongue felt wrong. Maybe, the muscles had just forgotten how his name tasted. As a child, his name rolled off your tongue sweetly and constantly. Back then, there had been too many emotions packed inside your small body, you could never make sense of them, all you knew was that they all led back to the man in front of you. Your cheeks warmed at the reminder of the crush you used to harbour, of how you’d write your name and his, silently calling yourself Mrs. Arlert as if she hadn’t already existed in the form of his mother.

Armin’s cheeks grow round with the shy smile he wears, “Hi,” he says. The remnants of his boyhood live in the soft curve of his jaw and the cherub-like softness of his rosy complexion.

“Hi,” you breathlessly whispered as you searched for any other lingering signs of familiarity.

“May I come in?” he asks, his nervous hands smooth imaginary wrinkles in his sage green tie. The breath is selfishly stolen from your lungs by the greedy, monster who lived inside of you. They swallowed back the traces of your youth, you hoped it was enough to placate them because as long as your breath was hitched, no words could come forth.

Armin’s blue eyes curiously peered back at you from beneath his pale blonde lashes. He was still quite pretty, but the edge of maturity that marred his features made your heart flutter in a way it never had. The desperate longing that clawed at your rib cage slowed, pawing instead as its interests morphed into something more amorous. You would have beaten it down if you could, shame prickles your skin as you clear your throat.

“Of course,” you stutter, opening the door to make room for him to enter, “You’ll have to excuse my appearance, I wasn’t expecting any guests this morning.”

His smile is polite, “What about Mrs. Bergmann?” He inquires, his eyes darting around to drink in the interior of your house. It looked just like the one he was raised in but it had been twelve years since he stepped foot in one. The scouts lived in barracks that were carved out of long-since abandoned castles, “You seemed to be expecting her.”

“Ah, not exactly,” you muttered, offering him a seat at your dining table, “She’s just the only visitor I have as of late … So, what brings you by?”

Armin declines the seat, instead pulling out the chair opposite of him for you. You thank him with a small bow of your head. His knuckles brush against your shoulders as he slides his fingertips along the edge of your chair before swinging around to the other side. In a world of boys, Armin Arlert was a gentleman, as he always had been, even at the age of ten when boys took to tugging girls' pigtails for attention. His grandfather would be proud of the young man he’s become. You think Mr. Arlert would have been proud even if all Armin did was survive.

The warm yellow sunlight filters through the windows and turns Armin’s hair a shade of bleach blonde. His skin is tanned, his cheeks rosy. He looks healthy, he’s a bit taller too. His hair was different too now that you took a moment to look at it, only slightly so. The shaved undercut reminded you of the short, stoic captain whose charge Armin was in for years.

Insecurity stirred in your belly. You thought of what you might look like to him being so dishevelled in nothing but a nightgown and cardigan. Unkempt, that is how you must have appeared to him. The bike in your stomach burns at the back of your throat as you cross your legs and tuck as much of your body beneath the table as you can.

“I just wanted to see you,” he says, resting his linked hands on the table, “It’s been a while since we last spoke.”

It’s been over four years, the bitter overly insecure voice in your head hisses, “It has, but you’ve been busy, saving the world and all,” you say instead, tucking a few strands of hair behind your ear, “Honestly I must confess, I'm a bit surprised, I thought you and the other ambassadors would be meeting with the Queen.”

What you truly mean to say dangles in the air. Armin can feel it, he shifts in his seat— why wasn’t he with someone more important? How did he manage to sneak past the Jägerists predatory gaze? He shouldn’t have been here. The anguish that wrought the shores of Paradis couldn’t be fixed with a measly conversation but surely, it was a start so, why was he here with you?

“She met our boat at the harbour to ensure our safe passage into the city,” he explains, picking at his fingers, “We’re still trying to coordinate with the army but they’ve agreed to allow free reign of Shiganshina so long as we remain unarmed.”

“It would be rather counterintuitive for peace ambassadors to bear arms.”

Armin lets out a small chuckle, smiling a bit to himself.

“But, they’ve already proved their incompetence in thinking trained soldiers need weapons to fight,” you muttered, casting your eyes away from him, “I … My apologies, I shouldn't speak ill of your comrades.”

“They’ve dissolved the Scout Regiment, I’m no longer a soldier and they are not my comrades,” Armin swiftly replies.

He fiddles with his tie again, flattening out the fabric with scar-riddled hands. The last time you saw him, his skin was surprisingly unmarred. Old scars you could have sworn imprinted his skin ceased to exist, something to do with his newfound titan ability, that’s what Eren said when he rolled up his sleeves to expose his own blemish-free body. It seemed unnatural then, for the pieces of personal history to be erased but Armin felt alien enough without you reminding him of how much he had changed.

“Yes, but-”

“How are you doing?” He interrupts, and an apologetic look swims within the depths of his baby blue eyes. His time in the military was a touchy subject, which was to be expected but it didn’t wash away the burn of curiosity that ribbed at your bones, “When I last wrote to Mikasa, she said she hadn’t seen you in some time in spite of being neighbours.”

Pursing your lips, you sigh, “I’m doing well Armin,” it’s a bald-faced lie but the two of you have become so estranged, Armin couldn’t know you the way he once did, not when so much time has washed the imprints you’ve pressed upon each other as it brought in the tide, “How are you?”

“That’s not an answer,” Armin frowns, the dip of his lips making his cheeks round in a way that reminds you that he is only twenty-two, “I haven’t seen you in four years, I … I want to know what your life is like.”

Reaching over the table, Armin takes your hand in his. If he notices the irritated and oozing flesh around your cuticles, he keeps it well hidden. Smoothing his thumb over your knuckles, Armin settles his eyes on yours, taking in the two little lines that have been carved into your skin from how often you furrow your brows. There was no “correct” way to tell someone that you spent most of your afternoons curled up in bed, lying listlessly as you listened to the sounds of the bustling street below. Armin had a penchant for worrying, he’d worry about your well-being when there were far more important issues for him to focus on.

“It’s not so different from before.”

Armin was unconvinced. Eight years ago, after the Scout Regiment took control of the central government, a bit of money was sent your way in addition to your rebuilt childhood home. Though they wouldn’t say it, you believed that Eren, Armin, and Mikasa felt guilty for abandoning you the moment they turned twelve thus becoming eligible to enrol in the Cadet Corps. You had no interest in joining the Scouts, Military Police, or the Garrison but Eren was determined and wherever Eren went so too did Mikasa and Armin. With no family and no friends, you had to fend for yourself. It wasn’t so bad. A woman, you could hardly remember her name now, paid you to care for her youngest child while she and her husband worked, and their older children attended school. She gave you room and board, fed you three square meals, and gave you “hand-me-downs” to wear.

In the chaos of Trost being breeched you became separated and weeks later learned that the family perished. You used what little money you managed to save to pay for board in an inn near Jinae where you worked as a stable hand until your childhood friends and their comrades came bearing gifts. You’d need to find work soon. Now that you were of age, you were sure to find a cushy job as a barmaid at the local tavern.

“You think it is?” You asked, biting on your bottom lip.

Armin nods. His grip tightens and he mutters a low, “Sorry” when you wince from how he accidentally squishes your fingers beneath his.

Shrugging your shoulders you think back to the before much like you did most days, “Paradis is being run by lunatics who worship a dead man,” you blanche, your chest preemptively tightening from your nerves, “That’s not so different to before when this shitty little island was run by lunatics who worshipped the walls.”

Except now, people actually paid mind to the chirping loons. They had access to weapons that could wipe out what was left of humanity and certainly were unafraid to use them. Crossing them would be a very stupid and very dangerous mistake. Bravery was what this island prided itself on, now the most one could muster was a contempt-filled glower that was sent in passing.

“That’s not …” Armin’s voice trailed off. There was that look of guilt again.

“I know.”

Lacing your fingers between his, you squeeze Armin’s hand.

“It’s not your fault, Armin,” you assure, your mouth twisting up into a strange smile. The muscles in your face seemed to ache as though you were contorting your expression, “You know that, right?”

He nods his head, and strands of his pale blonde hair fall against his forehead as he does, “I know,” he whispers with conviction though his hand trembles in yours. You remain unconvinced, guilt rolls off his shoulders in sickening waves.

“It’s not Eren’s fault either.”

You’re unsure why you say it. It was Eren’s fault. It was his name and his image that they fought for. Whatever politics happened behind closed doors did not matter, not when he died knowing that those men and women idolised him and would wage wars in his name. One spoiled fruit rotted away the entire crop and now Paradis was ready to cosign its doom, picking on the weakened and the damned as if this island had not once been just the same.

“Thank you,” Armin mouths, his voice barely audible as he clears his throat and replaces his expression with a friendly smile.

“I guess the trains are different,” you blurt, looking for a way to steer the sinking ship that was this conversation, “I’ll never get used to them, they’re so loud and dark inside.”

“Glad to know our hard work is being appreciated.”

You lift the corners of your lips to smile at him, “It is, the horses are very grateful to no longer be worked to the bone by merchants transporting goods from Maria to Sheena,” you say, nearly forgetting that there no longer was an interior or exterior to name, “Life here is still simple, Armin, there isn’t much to update you on.”

“Still-”

“We can’t all be heroes,” you jest, nudging his foot beneath the table, “So, tell me what is life like for you?”

Armin withdraws his hands from yours, “It’s all I talk about, I don’t want to talk about it with you,” he explains, swallowing thickly, “Is that okay?”

“Of course it is.”

Rising from your seat you round the corner of the small table to press the palm of your hand between his shoulder blades. The gesture is meant to be comforting but you feel awkward, like you shouldn’t be touching him like this though your body craved the knowledge of what his skin would like against yours. The tips of your fingers graze the edge of his crisp collar, you hastily jerk back, eyes narrowing to inspect the fabric for any unwanted crinkles you may have caused.

“I’ve been such a bad host,” you mutter, “My mother would be so disappointed that I haven’t asked you if you’d like anything to drink.”

“Tea if you have any, please.”

You nod again, you still have some dried chamomile that Mrs.Bergmann gave to you when you confessed to her that you struggled to sleep some days. The tea didn’t help but it was the thought that counted. Goosebumps trailed up the length of your bare legs and you cursed yourself for not excusing yourself to dress before you sat down with Armin. The early spring air wouldn’t warm until the late afternoon most days.

Armin’s gaze is heavy. He watches you flutter about your kitchen with keen intent. His eyes slither up your body in a methodical manner. You’re unsure if he’s leering the way men unabashedly do when they’re three pints in or if he’s searching for any indication that something might be amiss. You hope it’s the latter. It should be the latter, you didn’t feel uncomfortable and Armin wasn’t one to steal eyefuls of others.

“Do you still like it with milk and honey?” you ask, though you’ve already reached into the icebox in search of the milk you knew was in there. Hopefully, it hasn't yet spoiled.

You flinched when you rose to your full height. Armin had materialised behind you. The jug nearly drops from your hand but Armin is quick to wrap his fingers around the handle, overtop of your hand. He guides the jug to the counter and reaches an arm around you to take the teapot off the heat before it can release a shrill squeal.

Pressing your hand to your chest, you murmur a breathless, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Armin chirps.

His eyes bore into yours, he’s inspecting you once more. Whatever he’s in search of, you’re certain he isn’t going to find it. The girl that he once knew was not the same woman that stood before him, nor was he the same boy even if his eyes twinkled just the same. That was growing up. Your stomach grumbled, licking its chops as the wanting returned. Your eyes trickled down Armin’s face until they settled on his cupid's bow. His lips were full and a dusted pink colour. They were nice, you remember wondering what they’d feel like against yours if it’d hurt to kiss him after he’d bitten his lips raw with stress.

The sharp edge of the counter digs into the plush flesh of your hips as you press your body against it. Hunger is as frightening as it is all consuming. You are hungry. Are you hungry for him? You’ve craved and yearned for places and their people, but never their bodies. The one time you allowed a man in your bed it’d been out of curiosity and some twisted need to feel something, anything other than the dull twinge of melancholy that sprouted from the roots it planted in your heart.

Armin placed his hand on your chest where your heart was. The heat of his palm melted through the thin fabric of your nightgown, causing you to instinctively shiver, “Your heart is racing,” he comments, his tongue darting out to lick his lips, “I didn’t startle you, did I?”

“No.”

“How is Annie?” You nervously ask, searching for a way to stifle the deluded desire that coursed through your veins, “Last I heard from Hitch, she had been freed from her crystal and joined you. That must have been exciting, being able to speak to her after so many years.”

His face crinkles up into a confused expression, “Annie is fine, they’re all fine. Connie and Jean are excited to see their mothers,” he replies slightly, cocking his head to the side, “Why do you ask?”

You shrug your shoulders. Armin doesn’t remove his hand. Your heart skips a beat, you’re sure he feels it.

“Was just curious I guess, since I heard you had feelings for her.”

“Annie and I are friends, nothing more,” his nose crinkles, he seems to want to ask where you hear such a ludicrous rumour but doesn’t. When he wasn’t with the scouts, he was with her crystal, talking as if one day she might answer back.

“Oh.”

“Are you seeing anyone?” Armin counters, his long pale lashes fluttering against his cheek as he blinks, “You’ve always been … quite the catch.”

His voice trails off, he regrets his wording. He didn’t want to liken you to fish or cattle but of all the vast information stored in his brain, there seemed to be nothing on complimenting women. Not that he’s done much of that in his lifetime. There’s never been a need to. Armin wants to compliment you, to tell you how he really feels but it gets clogged in his throat as he struggles to get a read on you.

Shaking your head, you avert your gaze.

It’s not for a lack of trying or wanting. None of the relationships you pursued ever felt right. Their hands didn’t fit within yours the way they were supposed to. Your body was hallowed out in the middle but they couldn’t fill you up. It wasn’t their fault. You’d accept that you were broken, someone who simply wasn’t meant to be loved. It was easy. Until now, when the one person your heart still clung to stood here and dangled himself like a carrot.

“Good, you’re too good for anyone on this island,” his proclamation makes your skin itch. Even if what he said were true, you would have to settle for someone on this island eventually, lest you spend the rest of your life as alone as you are now, “You deserve someone who’s good enough for you.”

You nearly laugh, though he makes this statement with such earnestness that you’re almost inclined to believe him. Almost.

“Who then?”

Looking into his eyes made your lungs ache. There was nowhere to escape with how he pinned you in place with his gaze.

“Who’s good enough for me?” You ask, your nails digging into the wood counter as you curl your fists around the lip of it, “You?”

Armin rolls his eyes and the sight alone shocks you, “No, I could never be good enough for you,” a laugh springs forth, crackling past your lips before you’re able to stop it, “Is something funny?”

His cheeks turn red with embarrassment but there's nowhere for him to hide either.

“No … Yes, actually,” you sigh, expelling all the air from your lungs as you muster up the resolve to be truthful, “I have loved for as long as I can remember and I have wanted you even before I even knew what love truly was.”

Your fingers coil around his wrist, intent on wrenching his hand away from your chest but the look in his eyes stops you. Sadness and self-loathing meet in the bright blue pools of his irises. You were born six months before he was but he’s always seemed years ahead of you. There was a certain kind of wisdom that surrounded him, you weren’t sure why. Now though, whatever maturity that shrouded Armin vanished and all that lay beneath was a newborn fawn that teetered on legs far too long for him.

Your nails dig into the cuff of his jacket, crinkling the pristine fabric, “There is not a day that goes by where I haven’t thought of you.”

“I’m no good for you either,” he says with a wet laugh. His eyes shone with welled up tears that had no business blurring his gaze.

“Because you’ve killed people?” You ask, your brows furrowing as you frown, “There are many people who have done worse for less. At least you had a reason.”

“I could never be the man that you need me to be.”

“Not even for an afternoon?” You had always known his future held more than your own, even before he became humanity's saviour. He’d make his peace with Paradis and leave, maybe he’d come back years from now, or maybe he’d plant his roots elsewhere.

His hand trembles as he shakes his head, “No.”

Pressing his forehead against yours, he releases a shaky exhale. You bite back the urge to ask him once more why he was here. You were never that close as children, you were close in a way that all of Shiganshina was but never anything more than, at least nothing that would have meant this unannounced visit was appropriate.

“Why?”

“You should live a quiet life,” Armin whispers, his lips nearly grazing yours as they move to form each syllable, “A happy life, after all you’ve been through, you deserve it.”

Your eyes flutter shut, “And you don’t?” It’s a stupid question, really, if he believed he did this conversation wouldn’t be happening, “You’ve been through far more than I, you’ve lost so much more.”

“I have even more to atone for.”

His bottom lip quivers as he presses the weight of his body into you. He’s heavier than you could have imagined, and his body is harder too. Somewhere between now and then his lithe frame melded into lean muscle and it serves as another reminder of how much time has passed, how little you two knew of each other now. Trailing your fingertips over his shoulder, you slide your arm around him, pulling him into an embrace. Armin shudders in your hold, a meek whimper slipping past his lips as he crushes his body into yours. Your nails press into the sliver of skin that peeks over the lip of his collar.

It's the nape of his neck.

When titans were simply the monsters that hid beneath your bed and plagued your dreams, it was common knowledge that the way to snuff them out was through the nape. It felt oddly vulnerable for your hand to roam over the smooth expanse of skin, though even as a titan shifter it was no weak spot, it may well have been with the way his body shook in your arms.

“That doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to live or to love,” you whisper against the shell of his ear, “You get to love now, you get to be loved. Armin, you’re allowed to have things and to want things even after all that has happened.”

Armin sniffles, pressing his nose in your hair. The scent of the lavender soap you’ve used for as long as you could remember still clings to your hair. You wonder if he remembers if that is why he burrows his face deeper until the tip of his nose and his lips brush against the skin of your neck.

Wanting was hard.

So little felt tangible and on the off chance it was, it remained just out of reach. Like a tease, that brushed your fingertips as you outstretched your arm before pulling away or a glimpse of the sun before an array of clouds moved in from across the sky. You couldn’t remember the last time you wanted something. Whatever it was you felt for Armin simmered lowly on a back burner until now, longing did not serve survival. Still, you wanted him but not in the way magpies coveted shiny trinkets but in the way the stars longed for the moon. It was a constant, all consuming yearning that made your stomach twist inward at the strange sensation.

“I don’t even …” Armin trails off, his voice wet with emotion, “I can’t remember the last time I allowed myself to desire something.”

Leaning back, Armin allows enough space for him to look at your face. His cheeks are pink, blotchy, and shiny with half dried tears that pooled atop the apples of his cheeks. Cupping your face with the palm of your hand, he smiles sadly at you.

“But, all I have wanted for years was to know what it is like to kiss you.”

Your body burns, not with embarrassment but something else.

“Is that all?” You ask.

The corners of Armin’s mouth twitch upward, “Maybe not but I let go of those dreams long ago.”

“You kept this one, why?”

“Wishful thinking, maybe or … ?” Armin says, scrunching his brows together as he trails off, “You’ve always been here, you’ve been a constant in this ever changing world so I suppose I hoped there’d be a day where I could …”

“Kiss me?”

Armin bashfully nods, biting his lip a bit.

The shiny metal kettle of water grows cold in the length of time you and Armin spend silently staring at each other. He assesses you, slowly, looking for any signs that your affection for him remained buried in the past. You spoke in the past tense, and your words were too easily misconstrued. Your hands slip to cup the underside of his jaw. All this waiting, all this thinking was maddening when you knew exactly what you wanted. His face replaced those of all the men you kissed, his body manifested in the throngs of taverns like an apparition to taunt you. You wanted to kiss him more than you wanted anything else in this world.

His skin was warm to the touch, you’re sure yours is too. You feel warm like you’ve been dipped in melted candle wax. A bit of stubble tickles the palm of your hands and it makes you giggle. His hair is so fair, you didn’t even notice. Armin’s shoulders tense as you lean in, insecurity claws at your throat but you’ve already taken the leap. You were too far gone now to change your mind. Gently grazing your lips across his, you give Armin a chance to back away but he only leans in closer, his calloused thumbs bite into the soft edge of your jawline as he instinctively squeezes you.

Armin’s lips are slightly chapped and scabbed over in a way that tells you he still nervously chews them when he’s worried. He’s inexperienced, that you were expecting, not that you were particularly tactful with how you clumsily melded your mouth against his. Though, he didn’t seem to mind as he eagerly attempted to mimic each movement. The thread of want that coiled around your stomach roared, begging for your attention as pulled away.

The small noise of disappointment that gathers in the back of Armin’s throat does not fall deaf upon your ears. But, you feel ravenous. If you didn’t slither away now, you’d consume him, bones and all, before he’d even had the chance to register that you sunk your teeth into his sternum. You feel ravenous. It makes your skin itch. Your fingers twitched, they desperately wished to burrow themselves into his flesh to feel how his heart thrummed for you.

Through lidded eyes, Armin peers at you, “Just like I thought,” he says, his cheeks somehow deepening in colour.

“What do you mean?”

“One kiss and I’m gone,” he explains but that doesn’t smooth the confused furrow from between your brows, “I want more, I don’t know how I’m meant to live on knowing what it’s like to kiss and never being able to again.”

Your nose scrunches as you frown, “Say who?”

“Pardon?”

“Who said that I’d never kiss you again?” You ask, smoothing your thumb along the length of his stubbly jaw, “Because, I never said that.”

“I just thought-”

Looping your arms around his neck you sigh, “Stop thinking so much,” you whine, allowing yourself to relish in the knowledge that he too wanted more, “Sometimes things are far simpler than you make them out to be.”

Armin bashfully dips his chin for a moment, his heat filled gaze cast away which offers you some reprieve. Only for a short moment, though. He faces you once more in an instant. You can see it swimming in the pools of his irises, the want, the hunger. It’s something you never imagined to be reflected back to you, least of all from Armin. It thrills you all the same, your skin prickling with electricity that crackles to life when he reaches for your hips.

It’s gentlemanly, how he rests his hands respectively over your body with a feather light touch that may flee should you move too quickly. You want more though, you wish he’d take claim to you the way you the way your cunt ached for.

“Are they?”

You nod, fearing your voice would somehow betray you.

He too nods, far more thoughtful than you were, “You know, I loved you too, never had any doubts of what it was,” he muses, his adam's apple bobbing in his throat as he swallows, “It never faded either even when I lost and confused about what came next.”

His admission makes you bristle, your ears perking up in search of any misspoken syllables that may have deluded you. There were none. There was no mistaking what Armin had confessed. It doesn’t feel real. You’d pinch yourself if Armin’s watchful gaze was pointed anywhere but you. That alone was proof enough that this was very real, Armin just confessed his love for you.

“And you?” Armin asks.

“Huh?”

Your heart pounds, screaming over the sound of Armin’s voice. You suck in a shaky breath and will your heart to calm down. In all your years of wanting, of yearning, you never imagined what it would be like to have your feelings reciprocated. You assumed neither of you would live long enough for anything to come to fruition. But you could hope now, right?

“Did your feelings for me ever fade?”

“No … no, never,” admitting out loud that you pined after a boy for nearly two decades would have made you feel pathetic if it wasn’t Armin who pulled the truth from where it coiled around your ribs, “Even if I wanted them too, they never would. You’re it for me, you’re the only person I was made to love.”

You didn’t fancy yourself a dreamer. At least, not after everything was said and done. There wasn’t much to dream up, but if you were to dream or indulge you’d tell him that there could never be anyone else because your souls were tied together. It was a terribly selfish thought but it was true enough that you felt inexplicably tied to Armin. Even if this day passed and you never saw him again, your heart would remain his until you both returned to earth.

Armin kisses you before you’re able to backpedal on any of your words, almost shyly, but still eager enough that his need rolls off his body in waves and crashes into you. His nails press through the thin material of your nightgown to nip at your hips. You’re reminded of just how strong he has become in all your years apart when you feel his muscles ripple through his forearms.

“Armin,” you sharply whisper between the desperate press of his mouth to yours, “I want you.”

It’s an unfinished thought. There are too many words that could come next and not enough actions to convey what it is you want. Threading your fingers through carefully styled hair, you tug at the strands. Armin keens into your mouth, one of his hands shooting out to grasp the edge of the counter you were pressed against. Having braced himself, he’s careful not to put too much of his weight onto you as his body melts into yours.

“I’m right here,” he says, with a slight laugh.

Resting your forehead against his, you sigh, “I want you,” you repeat, untangling your fingers from his hair to fiddle with the top button of his shirt. You flick it open, slowly testing the waters. There’s a sparse patch of flaxen hair that leads your gaze past his collarbones, “I want to be close to you, close with you…”

Your whisper, wanton words did little to clarify what you meant, Armin’s confused stare was fixed on your swollen, kiss bitten lips. Popping open another button, you glare at his tie. It constricts the fabric of his shirt from spilling open any further. Pulling the tongue of the tie out from where it’s neatly tucked in his waistband, you tug on it until you’re nose to nose. You swallow thickly, your gaze trailing down the expanse of his neck. The muscles strained beneath the skin as he nervously clenched his jaw.

“Oh … Oh.”

The red in his cheeks deepened. He looked a bit like a tomato but it was rather endearing.

“...Yeah?”

He nods a bit too quickly, “Yeah,” he agrees, biting his bottom lip, “I want this, I want this with you.”

Tentatively, Armin rests his hands on your shoulder and thumbs at the worn wool of your well loved cardigan. The fabric is slowly peeling away from your body, slipping down your biceps to pool in the crook of your elbows. Your heart flutters, it’s a strange sensation and for a moment you wonder if it’s healthy. It can’t be, not with how your stomach lurches alongside your heart. Unfurling your fists from his tie, you straighten your arms and allow your cardigan to unceremoniously fall to the floor.

“Are you sure?” You ask, your fingers skimming the delicate neckline of your nightgown. You weren’t yet so overcome with lust that you forgot yourself or Armin’s apparent lack of experience.

His hands replace yours, “Yes,” his skin is clammy but so is yours, the sheen of nervous sweat that gathers along your jugular feels disgusting when laid overtop of goosebumps but you can’t will either away, “You’re special to me … there isn’t anyone else I would want to do this with.”

“You’re not just saying this because you want to die with no regrets?”

You cringe at the crippling edge of insecurity that creeps over you, mentally slapping your hand in shame. Bad! You silently scold. You wouldn’t blame him if he did. In spite of all that happened, the future was never promised, you both knew that much. There was no shame in wanting to taste all life had to offer just in case. It was human nature.

“I’m going to live a very long life,” Armin says with a confident smile. Such sureness would usually make you roll your eyes in annoyance but Armin doesn’t say it to be boastful– even if he had, he’d have earned it– he says it matter of fact, he will live a long life in spite of everything, “And so are you, there’s no need to think in half measures filled with worries because we’re going to live long beautiful lives filled with everything we could ever want.”

It’s a pretty picture he paints but you can’t help but whisper, “We are?”

Smoothing his calloused thumbs along the column of your throat, Armin exhales, “Yes, we are,” you almost believe him, his optimism was just that convincing, “I’ll make sure of it.”

Armin tugs on the loop that keeps your nightgown tied closed, not minding that the two of you still stand in your kitchenette and it’s his first time. He gently guides the thin cotton fabric open to expose your chest but doesn’t move to pull the cloth from your body. In turn, you push his jacket off his shoulders and toss it to the floor with your cardigan. He unbuttons his shirt, letting it fall open to reveal his lithe abdomen.

“You’re so pretty,” he whispers, walking backwards at your behest, “You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.”

His brows shoot into his hairline when he bumps into the edge of your table, “I never pegged you to be such a flatterer, Mister Arlert,” you tease, pushing his chest until he takes the hint to hop onto the tabletop, “You tell all the girls that?”

It’s easy to wear a smile and play the part of a bashful lovestruck young lady. It’s only half a performance. There were parts of you that have long since been buried amongst the past lives you lived. They seemed to come back to you with each puff of breath that passed your lips. You slip in and out of you were and you could become. It’s frightening and thrilling. You like the rush you get when he smiles back at you. It’s megawatt bright and wide enough to take up most of his face. You wonder if he feels it too, the pieces that come together like a puzzle. He must, that’s why he smiles and allows himself to indulge in the perilous depths of wanting that lap at your bellies.

“No,” he playfully rolls his eyes, his fingers splaying out as he presses his palms flat against the table, “Only you. It’s only ever been you.”

Your stomach somersaults, you could get used to the feeling, the flirting, being desired earnestly.

You’ve been desired before but those men didn’t desire you, but rather the idea of you, your house, even your cunt, but never really you. They never filled you with empty promises, their intentions quite clear from the first shared mug of ale. It never bothered you before but now it does. You wish you didn’t fall for their promise of something good when the real thing was so much better now that you had it in your grasp.

The tip of his shoe just barely grazes the floor as he swings his leg back and forth, stepping into the space between his spread legs, you graze your fingertip along the length of his thigh. The metal of his belt glints in the warm morning light. You should probably bring him upstairs, to your bedroom. You worry if you do, you’ll lose the nerves that have steeled over to service the aching monster in your belly. Tomorrow he might think you crass, perhaps he would even sooner when the haze of desire faded and he was left with the weight of his indulgence.

“May I?

“Yes, please,” Armin breathes, shuddering a bit when you place your hand on the buckle.

His hips twitch upward, seeking the warm touch of your hand. Daring to cast your gaze downward, you rake your eyes over his growing bulge. His belt clinks open and you suck in a nervous breath. You’re about to ask if you can unbutton his dress pants when he whispers another small plea, his breath heavy.

A few strands of hair slip over the edge of your shoulder, Armin tucks them behind your ear with a pleased smile. His cock springs forth when you pull the waistband of his underwear downward. The wispy trail of hair that disappears beneath his shirt is a shade darker, but just as fine as the hair on his head. Your mouth waters at the sight of his rosy tip, precum oozes when you gently squeeze the base of his cock. Slowly pumping your hand up and down his length, you glance at Armin.

His bottom lip is squished between his teeth, hiding the sweet little sounds that travel up his throat. You strain your ears to listen, your eyes boring into his. He blinks but holds your gaze. He frees his bottom lip and allows his jaw to hang open when he realises that you’re listening to his sounds. Armin doesn’t have to be quiet, he can loudly indulge in his pleasures so he does. Softly moaning your name with a goofy, lovestruck expression on his face even as he jerks his hips up to match your rhythm.

“Does that feel good?” you ask, internally cringing as you wrack your brain for something to say. You wonder if you should stay silent, but words may be more comforting.

Armin’s head bobs as he nods a bit too quickly, “Yes,” he moans as he digs his nails into the splintered wood of your table.

He uses his other hand to curl his fingers around your wrist, the one that wasn’t languidly working his cock. Armin squeezes your wrist too roughly like he forgets himself and his own strength, your brows crinkle in pain but it’s easily masked as a look of concentration. You don’t mind though, the pain reminds you that you’re alive, that this was real and not just the machinations of an overactive imagination. Armin shudders when you use your thumb to spread some of the precum gathered along the head of his cock down the shaft, allowing your hand to slide more smoothly.

Your name is sweet on his tongue, the syllables roll off it in a way that makes you think it belongs there. Like Armin was meant to say your name like this for the rest of eternity.

“I want to touch you too,” he pants, between wanton whimpers. The smooth silver of skin that he clings to isn’t enough, “I want you to feel good too.”

It’s difficult to say no to Armin when he asks so sweetly, “Okay,” you say, bringing your linked hands up to your mouth to press a kiss to the back of his hand, “Lay back for me, okay?”

Armin does as you ask without question like a dutiful dog obeys its owner. You hitch your legs over the edge of the table and settle atop of his thighs. Hiking the hem of your nightgown upward, you guide Armin’s hand between your legs to where your bare, wet pussy clenches in anticipation. Your cunt aches with need and your chest squeezes at the slight brush of his calloused fingers across your folds.

“Touch me here.”

“Like this?” he asks, curling his fingers to rub against your throbbing clit, a shiver rolls through your spine.

Cupping your hand over his, you encourage him to make a few small circles, “Mhm, just like that,” you shudder, your breath halting when the table creaks beneath your shared weight, “It feels good, Armin.”

Seeming satisfied with himself and the way his name melted past your lips, he replicates your movement. You feel feverish with need as the urge to burrow yourself within his sternum consumes you. It melds with the pinpricks of pleasure that dance inside your belly as your muscles tense. It’s a terrible fate– to be ensnared by Armin Arlert. You don’t believe his promises, no matter how saccharine. It’s devilish for him to touch you, you’ve decided. Like with your kisses, how were you meant to go on without Armin ever touching you like this again? But, you’ve learned to manage your expectations. Dreams were called dreams because they were never meant to be anything more than something to wish on as a child. Even if he did still love you, there was too much distance between what became of your life and what became of his.

Pleasure burns your belly. It singes your insecurities but doesn’t snuff them out in their entirety. It’s just enough to chase them away and leave nothing but bliss in their wake. Your head feels like it’s been stuffed with cotton. Your chest heaves with haggard breaths, and your nightgown slips open to reveal the supple skin of your chest and your breasts to Armin. His gaze is respectful as he drinks in the sight. He moans to himself and marvels, it’s quite endearing. You like it, you don’t feel dirty or ashamed for your wanton ways, how could you when Armin drinks you in like you’re a perfectly crafted mountainside that has been crafted just for his admiration?

“Armin,” you sigh, “I need you inside of me.”

Wrapping your fingers around his cock, you slide the head between your dripping folds. Armin’s body wracks and his shoulders shake as he quivers with need. He moans your name once more, and you commit the sound to memory, for those cold and lonely nights that never seem to end. Your shoulders tense when you press the tip to your hole. It’s been a while, the stretch burns a bit. But, it’s nice. Your eyes roll back into your head and you curse under your breath.

Armin slopes his hand around the nape of your neck, “Can I kiss you?” he all but moans, “I want to kiss you again.”

His rosy cheeks grow round when he offers you a bashful smile. You kiss him, your tongue and teeth clicking against one another as you sloppily move your mouth alongside his. You’ve never been much of a multitasker. It’s hard to focus on much else aside from the mind numbing pleasure that distracts you. He hasn’t stopped rolling your clit between his fingers and as he swallows up your moans with desperate, fevered kisses, you wonder if he’s enjoying how much of a mess he’s made of you.

Your heart throbs in a funny sort of manner when you sink all the way down the length of his cock. The feeling of fullness spreads to the tips of your fingers all the way down to your toes. You hate how complete you feel, the fact that a small part of you wishes you could bottle the utter feeling of contentedness that warms you. The hunger and longing that lives inside of you never felt satiated, not once in the decade since it burrowed behind your lungs. Now though, they purr happily like a fat cat who’s had its fair share of the cream.

The taste of salt dabbles on your tongue, “Why are you crying?” Armin asks, his voice laced with concern, “Is something wrong, does it hurt?”

Swiping your fingers across the top of your cheekbones you confirm that those are your tears and not his. They spill past your lash line and there is nothing you can do to stop them. You don’t feel sad, even with the mess in your head you know that much. You sputter for a moment, desperately searching his face for an answer but nothing comes.

“I’m just so happy,” you say though you’re unsure where those words come from but they flow freely before you can stop them just like your tears, “I like being this close to you, I want to stay this close to you.”

Forever.

That’s the word that should complete your sentence. You keep it clutched to your chest where it’ll remain safe so long as you’re vigilant.

You knock your hips forward to silence whatever endeared sentiment Armin is about to form. His brows press together in concentration. He’s nearing his end, you can feel it in the way he throbs inside of you. Your tears are gently wiped by rough hands, you hardly register them. It’s difficult to focus on much as he plays with your clit and dutifully matches each flick of your hips. He’s a quick learner, he always has been. You wonder if he’s storing your reactions and sounds for later so that if there was a next time, he’d do exactly what you’d like without instruction. The end nears for you too, it lingers amongst the obnoxious groans from your table as you rock your hips. The sounds of skin bare slapping marry your shared, debauched whines. They’ll haunt your walls tomorrow and the next.

They haunt you right now.

You didn’t think you were capable of feeling so serene, but you do. You’re untouchable as you chase your release. It lays in the palm of Armin’s hands. You’ll eat straight from them if you have to. The coil in your stomach tightens for a moment and your breathing becomes staggered. Armin is no better, he sputters small half breaths between needy whines of your name. His forehead rests on your shoulder, and his sweat dabbled hair sticks to you. Strands of your hair cling to the nape of your neck too. The cool breeze that slithers across your house makes your heated skin break out with goosebumps. It doesn’t bother you though, nothing could bother you now.

“I love you,” Armin whispers into your skin as he cums, holding your body close to his.

A few more tears well up as your orgasm washes through you. Your thighs shake and you struggle to bring your arms around his torso. His tight embrace makes up for it as they lay limply by your side. Your flush skin is peppered with affectionate kisses and his nose is nuzzled into the crook of your neck. You feel loved, you haven’t felt it in a while but it felt similar to this. The earnest way he embraces you without a second thought is imbued with love. Lifting your tired arms, you curl them around his body. Your nails dig into the hardened flesh of his back. They leave a few crescent moons to join the myriad of battle scars and freckles that have returned to him.

‘“I love you too.”

You wish you could say it was true for the moment but it’s not. It was true because you did love him, you loved him in a way you weren’t sure you were capable of loving anyone else. If Ymir the Founder had left her people with anyone before erasing herself and her titan kin from existence, you think it might have been eternal love. The kind that wasn’t possible of fading, even when you didn’t understand why.

Hours pass and you find yourself in your bed once more, on the edge of waking and sleep you register the lack of sunlight. You don’t remember exactly how you made your way upstairs but you do remember two strong arms holding you close as you allowed slumber to cradle your tired mind in its embrace. The other side of the bed is still warm, but your blanket is tucked snugly beneath your chin.

There’s a letter on your bedside table and a glass of water. You make out the letters of your name and the promise of return but you choose not to read any further. Laying in silence you wonder if she’s still out there, your creator, the founder. If she was, you hoped she would listen to your pleas. You were strong, but you weren’t strong enough to spend the rest of your life waiting on a lost life whose remains had long since returned to the dirt and earth.

You prayed that the Jägerist’s stupidity would fall deaf to Queen Historia’s ears and that when you awoke next, there’d still be a head of blond hair next to you with long pretty eyelashes and rosy cheeks that told all his secrets.

He was too far entangled in your rib cage. You were far too comfortably curled around his aorta. Armin may be able to withstand it but you weren’t. After all this time, you really hoped you could be happy. Even with all the strangeness that came from estrangement, you felt more alive with Armin than you had in all the years of living in Shiganshina. It was a shell of its former self, with the ghosts of yesterday's past filling all the nooks and crannies. You too easily allowed yourself to become one of them, the ghosts but you didn’t half to be a ghost, you could want things just the same as Armin could.

And you wanted him to come back to you so the two of you could experience that future he was talking about.

Mr. Arlert did not raise a liar or a man who’d break promises. Your chances were good. You could be happy. All the lost parts of you could return and maybe you’d feel whole again, and maybe you’d welcome the warmth of the sun on your skin the same way you welcomed Armin back into your life.

You deserved some ounce of happiness too.

#armin arlert x reader #armin arlert smut #attack on titan x reader #aot x reader #aot smut #armin x reader #armin smut #armin x you

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imjustasimpxd · 11 months

Text

My Angel (Part Two)

➬ Reiner Braun x Fem reader

Part One | Part Three | Masterlist | Blog Home | Aot Masterlist

Summary : Reiner was always taught that the devils of Paradis were vicious creatures, but what is he supposed to do when he soon finds himself reluctantly falling for one? Or when he is forced to go back to Marley and leave her altogether?

Word count : around 5, 200 words

Warnings : Again, very angsty. Reiner feels guilty about what he’s done, reader is angry with him. Crying, mentions of heartbreak. Spoilers for season 4 part one.

Author’s notes : reblogs are appreciated!! I appreciate all feedback on my writing so that I can know what you guys liked and what you think I should improve on😊

Disclaimer : this is a work of fiction and should in no way, shape, or form, be taken seriously.

Side Note : this fic, and everything else I’ve written on my blog, is mine and only mine. I work very hard on everything I write so do not, under any circumstances, modify, copy, or steal my work.

❗️Important Note❗️

There will in fact be a part three! While I was writing part two, it ended up becoming so long that I just decided to split it up. That’s why this chapter leaves off on a cliffhanger (and that’s also why it took me so long to post this one). But I thank you all for your patience. If anyone else wants to be tagged for part three then let me know in the comments! :)))

“Can I please ask where exactly we’re going?” Reiner questioned, his voice lacing with a hint of annoyance as Falco gripped his arm, anxiously pulling him towards the city’s back alleys.

“I told you it’s a surprise! A friend of yours wants to say hi before the show starts!” Falco explained, glancing backward at his superior with a cheerful smile as he continued to pull him in the opposite direction.

“Is that right?” Reiner spoke sarcastically, scoffing quietly to himself as he took in the boy’s words.

What was Falco really up to?

Surely the whole “a friend wants to say hi” explanation was made up; because Reiner Braun wasn’t exactly a man you would think of as having friends.

Sure, he was surrounded by people a lot of the time, and he even had allies with whom he got along pretty well with. But even so, Reiner knew he was nothing more than a comrade to them; nothing more than a vessel to wield the armored titan.

But that was okay, because they were nothing more than comrades to him.

With being born Eldian as well as being a warrior for Marley’s military force, Reiner Braun didn’t exactly have the time, luxury, or frankly, the mental strength to seek out any social interactions beyond strictly work-related ones.

Well, at least, not anymore.

He made that mistake once, and in doing so, it cost him the demolition of a poor woman’s heart; as well as his own.

In fear that opening up to another person again might cause that beating vessel in his chest to truly see itself past repair, Reiner Braun had decided to close himself off from others, refusing to repeat those tragic events of his past.

So, with that in mind, who exactly was this “person” that Falco was happily dragging him by the arm to see?

It couldn’t have been anyone he was genuinely close with; there wasn’t anyone like that for him, not anymore at least. Any authentic connections he once had with people were now severed, collapsed by the calamity he caused back on that forsaken island.

So who on earth was he being forced to see?

“It’s just in here!” Falco said excitedly, his finger pointing toward a wooden door as they rounded the corner; one that lead to a basement stationed under an older apartment complex.

From the outside, the place looked dim and run down, its location secluded to a quiet and unfrequented street.

The very sight had Reiner scratching his head in confusion. Of all places, why here? Why pick such an isolated area to meet with him? Not only that, but why would this person send a naive little boy to escort him to this place instead of just contacting Reiner directly?

Was this a trap he was walking into?

Should he leave?

Like a flame set to brush, panic began spreading through Reiner’s veins. His free hand was gripped into a strained fist and his eyes darted in all directions, watching out for any surprise attacks.

If this really was a trap, if someone was anticipating charging at him, then he’d be ready for it.

Suddenly, the wooden door opened. Loud groans from the beat-down hinges filled the air, followed by the sound of footsteps; footsteps that belonged to a dark, hooded figure.

Reiner’s eyes widened at the scene before him, an eerie feeling twisting in his stomach as he watched the mysterious person walk out the door; heading in his direction.

Whoever it was, he thought about fighting them off, even going as far as raising both his hands in the air to assume a defensive stance.

However, that’s when he caught a glimpse of Falco next to him. The little boy had started to head towards the figure, almost as if he was acquainted with the human; if it even was human.

“Falco wait!” Reiner quickly followed in the boy’s footsteps, gripping his arm before he could walk any closer to the person. “We should leave.” He suggested, anxiously tugging on the boy’s limb in hopes to urge him back in the opposite direction.

“It’s okay Mr. Braun,” Falco smiled, quick to reassure his superior. “This is where he said to meet him.”

Who’s he? Was it that person lurking around with the cloak draped across their face? Or was there someone inside as well?

Reiner didn’t have any answers, nor did he have a definite resolve on how to react in this situation. Should he trust Falco’s judgment and allow this “meetup” to happen? Or should he grab the boy and run while he still had the chance?

The latter seemed like the best option, especially considering the fact that Falco was just a child, and therefore could’ve easily been manipulated into something dangerous.

He wanted to trust Falco’s words, but it was too risky. If something happened, the boy’s blood would be on Reiner’s hands; and he couldn’t bear the weight of any more sorrow, or any more guilt.

“We’re leaving, Falco!” Reiner insisted, readjusting his grip on the boy’s arm to forcefully pull him away from the situation.

Although, just as he’d turned around to take those first few steps, he heard something that made his body freeze, and his heart clench.

“If you’re done arguing you can go on ahead. He’s waiting for you inside.”

That voice. Reiner knew that voice.

It was the same one he used to hear nagging at him to wake up in the early mornings. The same voice that used to comfort him whenever he was feeling disheartened.

It was… the same voice he never thought he’d have the pleasure of hearing ever again…

All he received was one simple sentence, but that was all the verification he needed. There was no doubt in his mind, the voice he heard: belonged to you.

“Y/n?!” His body immediately turned around to face the hooded figure. His eyes then squinted, trying to see more than just the gentle silhouette of a pair of lips and a jawline that was exposed by the moonlight’s glow.

The figure froze at his words, saying nothing in response; almost as if they didn’t anticipate being recognized.

“Y/n, is that you?” Reiner asked again, hoping to earn a response this time.

However, there was none; at least, not a verbal one.

All he gained was a sudden flinch that occurred once he spoke that name a second time, followed by the subtle shaking of fingertips that poked out from the sleeves of the cloak.

You must’ve been scared, embarrassed; perhaps even both.

And who would blame you for it? The last time you saw him he had slaughtered more than half of your comrades. Who knows what he’s capable of now after four years have passed?

“Falco?” Reiner finally broke the silence, glancing down at the boy he was still holding on to. “Why don’t you go on inside, I’ll be with you in a minute.”

However, before the boy could open his mouth to speak, he was quickly interrupted. “There’s no reason for him to leave! I’m not staying to chat.” A stern voice echoed past the cloak covering your face, but that didn’t phase Reiner.

He knew it was you from the moment that first syllable left your lips, even more so now that you’d spoken a second time.

Your tone was serious, added with a hint of aggression in order to scare him off, but he wouldn’t be turned away by that. Not when this was the chance he’d been silently praying for ever since he left that island four years ago. The chance to finally see you once again, even for just a moment.

Now that this chance was finally here, standing in front of him, there was no way he’d let it slip away; regardless of the tone you used with him.

“Just a few minutes?!” He insisted, taking a few steps forward in case you were preparing to run away. “Please?” He asked in a much quieter tone, his eyes practically begging for you to give in, to grant him even the smallest portion of your time.

Even after all these years he still knew how to persuade you, didn’t he? He must’ve, otherwise, your mouth would’ve never opened to let out a frustrated “Five minutes and that’s it!”

Reiner’s shoulders quickly relaxed at your words. His head then turned towards Falco subsequently, giving him a quick nod of his head: which apparently was his signal to “get going.”

Falco’s gaze switched between Reiner and the person he was apparently dying to speak to. The boy was unsure of what was going on, or who that unidentified person even was, but nevertheless, Falco knew better than to argue with his superior; so he’d comply with the orders given to him.

“S-sure…I’ll just, be inside then…” Falco spoke hesitantly, slowly backing away to walk toward the wooden door. He stopped momentarily after placing his fingers on the handle, almost as if he was waiting for Reiner to change his mind. But after receiving no signs of a change of heart, Falco reluctantly opened the door and stepped inside; closing it behind him.

The moment that wooden door shut, an unpleasant silence filled the air. Instead of partaking in the “conversation” you were supposed to have, the two of you just stood in silence.

You didn’t dare speak up. Reiner was the one who made you stay after all, if anyone should be the first to start this conversation it was him.

Your eyes were fixated on him with a calloused glare, your lips refusing to part even the slightest bit.

Reiner on the other hand, wore an expression more timid and anxious than yours.

He shifted uncomfortably on his feet, fingers fidgeting with each other as he contemplated the best way to start this conversation.

“I uh…” He tried to speak, but the words fumbled in his mouth, leaving just as quickly as they came.

It’s ironic, just a moment ago he was begging for you to stay so that he could have the chance to talk to you, but now that his chance had finally arrived, he couldn’t think of anything to say.

As he stood there, overanalyzing a potential response, he noticed the way you scoffed, clearly annoyed at his delay in response.

You were growing impatient with him, and if he didn’t take the opportunity to speak with you now, you’d most likely never allow him another chance to waste your time again.

So, after what had seemed like hours of silence, when in reality was more like 1 minute, Reiner finally spoke up.

“Can you take off the hood?”

Your eyes quickly narrowed in confusion at his odd request. Out of everything he could’ve asked, everything he could’ve apologized for, this is the first thing he says?

“Why?” You questioned, still unsure of his intentions on the matter.

“I just…” He began, but his words quickly started to fade out, almost as if he felt unworthy to be asking in the first place.

Nevertheless, you were persistent.

“You just what?!” You snapped, frustrated at his apparent dedication to withhold information from you; a recurring dedication at that.

“I just…” he inhaled shakily before speaking, “I want to see your face.”

You paused at his words, taking a moment to process what he’d just said. After expecting something pitiful, or perhaps even bitter coming from him, it was quite a shock to receive this: a fairly tender request.

He wanted to see your face? Why? What difference would that make?

It’d be the same one he saw four years ago, nothing’s changed; at least, not to you.

Despite asking for something which would require him to look upwards, Reiner kept his eyes glued to the ground, as if he felt undeserving to see you again. It wasn’t until he heard the heavy sigh that jerked past your lips, along with the quiet “fine” you gave in response to his request that made him finally look up.

As his gaze lifted, watching you pull that gloomy hood off your head, Reiner was met with a flashback of memories.

It all reappeared in an instant: the sound of your adorable laugh, the way your hair looked when the sun glistened across it, even the small little habits he’d discovered about you as time went by; they were all coming back, recollecting in his mind clearer than if it all happened a day ago.

Reminding him, painfully, of a time when things were simpler, when he was happier, and, most regretfully, a time when he had you.

Pulling off that hood allowed him to finally lay eyes upon a face he hadn’t seen in ages. A face he used to watch soundly sleeping next to him at night, placing gentle kisses all over when no one was around.

It was the same face he used to stare at in fascination; taken back by the beautiful way your lips would curve upwards into a smile, or even the way your eyes radiated the most alluring shade of color when the sun shone across your skin.

That face was one he had desperately longed to observe once more for the entirety of four long years, and coincidentally, it was the same face that now stared him down with an irritated glare.

Absent was the sparkle your eyes once held for the man standing before you, and gone was the loving countenance you were never hesitant to grant him.

Now your face lay still, your features refusing to move even the smallest bit in case it were to form some sort of pleasant expression towards him accidentally.

Who was this woman?

If not for the fact that he had easily identified her face, Reiner wouldn’t have recognized her.

Where was the kind and loving woman he fell in love with? Was she not the one standing before him now?

No, this woman was different. This one seemed to hold an inkling of abhorrence towards him, easily provoked by just his presence alone.

Was this… the product of his own making?

Was this… what he’d turned you into?

As if he wasn’t tormented enough by his decision, now he was witnessing the consequences of his actions unfold before his very eyes.

“How.. how are you here?” Reiner stuttered, still in shock over the fact that you were actually standing there; that for whatever reason, his prayers to see you again had finally been answered.

“I’m only here in service of a friend; nothing else.”

Your response was so vague, so cold; nothing like the endearing way you used to speak to him.

“Which friend?”

“It doesn’t matter,” You replied forbiddingly. Your tone sounded so distant, so unfriendly towards him.

To think, the last time he heard your voice, it had told him “Goodnight, I love you.” But now that voice was harsh as it spoke, probably regretful of saying those very words after waking up to find out he’d abandoned you that next morning.

The difference in your tone was beginning to eat away at Reiner, straining that beating vessel in his chest more and more with each look of your indignant expression. As if you’d just picked up a shovel and started digging, deepening his guilt further than it already was; if that was even possible.

“Your minutes are up by the way, and I have to leave.” You suddenly spoke, hoping your statement was bleak enough to end the conversation, meaning you could finally leave; finally be free of him.

“Wait!” Just before you could escape, Reiner quickly reached forward and grabbed your wrist, clinging to it as if his life was hinging on it. “Wait please, don’t leave…”

“That’s rich coming from you.”

He deserved that. Honestly, he deserved more than that.

Call him whatever names you could think of, and he would let you, he’d allow every single one of them, no matter how excruciating, because he knew they were true; because deep down he knew he deserved them.

“I’m not interested in what you have to say, Reiner.” Your words were like knives to his heart, causing the already aching organ to shudder yet again. “Whatever it is you should’ve said it four years ago.”

Was that true?

If he really did explain it to you before he left, would things be different now? Would you have understood his situation? Understood why he had to do it?

Why he had to leave?

“Please,” he implored, desperately maintaining that grip on your wrist. “Please, just let me explain it to you.”

It was pathetic, how he was begging like this, pleading for you to stay and hear him out as if he wasn’t the one that left you in the first place.

“Nothing you say will change what happened.”

He knew that was true, but in spite of that, he still refused to let you go again without telling you, without apologizing at the very least.

“I know,” he admitted, a glossy haze shimmering in his eyes as he looked at you. “But please, I want you to know the truth.”

A part of you wanted to leave, to deny him any further chances to cause you more pain with an explanation. However, another part of you wanted an apology. You wanted to hear his side of the story; to hear whatever excuse he had for abandoning you. No matter how twisted, or pitiful, his reasoning was, you couldn’t deny you had questions you wanted him to answer.

“Fine then. Tell me.” You quickly adjusted your posture, staring at him with your eyebrows raised; a gesture he remembered you only used when you were serious about something.

“Why did you betray us?”

Here it was, the moment he had been waiting for since this conflict arose: his chance to finally be understood, to be seen as more than just the traitor he was made out to be.

“I was given orders,” he started, retracting his hand from your wrist now that you’d clearly abandoned the option to run. “I had no choice but to follow them.”

“And what were your orders?” Your voice sounded heavy, almost as if it was hurting to bring all this back up again; like a wound that was still fresh, still desperately trying to heal itself.

Reiner’s mouth remained shut, his head lowering as he closed his eyes, not wanting to answer your question. He knew he’d be made to look like the villain no matter what he said, no matter which way he worded it.

Did that mean he really was the villain?

In your eyes, maybe.

Perhaps you’d never accept his side of the story, never be able to see past the wretched sins he’d carried out. But regardless, even if he never got the forgiveness he so desperately wanted from you, he couldn’t hide from the truth any longer. It was time to embrace it, all of it.

“They told us to sneak in and make allies first, that way we had the people’s trust and no one would suspect us.” He sighed, his eyes refusing to look up at you in fear of the face you’d make upon hearing his confession. “Once the time came, we were ordered to steal the founding titan by whatever means necessary. And if anyone tried to stop us, we had permission to silence them, using whatever tactics we deemed fit.”

Reiner’s heart felt tight as he let those words out, his shame growing stronger now that he was remembering it all, remembering what he’d done.

How did things end up like this?

He was just trying to do what he was trained to do: save the world from ruin; that’s all. But here he was now, that mission an embarrassing failure as he reminisced on his actions; the same actions that caused such sorrow for so many people, including himself.

And as if things weren’t bad enough, as if Reiner wasn’t feeling guilty already, he heard a sudden change in your breathing that could only mean one thing: you were beginning to cry.

“No, wait!” His head quickly lifted to look at you, instantly regretting it as your distressed face came into view. “Please, don’t cry.” He begged, using his thumb to wipe away the liquid collecting on your skin; which you surprisingly allowed him to do without putting up a fight.

“Don’t cry, okay? Not for me.” He demanded, despite his own eyes welling up with tears as well.

He just couldn’t bear it, knowing he was hurting you yet again.

It was almost as if nothing had changed, even after all those years. As if he was reliving those horrors of his past once more, reliving that anguish he saw imprinted across your visage when you found out he was the armored titan; the same armored titan that had killed so many of your friends.

You didn’t understand it, even now.

Was the man who used to dote on you really the same person as the one who carried out such violence and hatred against your people?

How could that be true? How could he have done such a thing, committed such betrayal against the woman he loved?

What changed? Was it something you did?

Or perhaps a more gut-wrenching explanation: he never loved you to begin with. Maybe that’s why it was so easy for him to give you up, maybe, this was his plan all along.

“What else?” You asked, your voice trembling in the process.

Reiner’s face quickly scrunched in confusion, unsure of what you were getting at. “What do you mean?”

“Were those your only orders?” Tears quickly began trickling down your face faster than Reiner could stop, your gaze looking more despondent than ever. “Was there really not anything else?” Your lips parted to let out a stinging sob, one that seemed like it’d been held in for too long.

It was obvious you were waiting for some sort of answer from him, and every second he delayed with a response was only tormenting you further.

But, even so, it didn’t change the fact that Reiner didn’t understand what you were asking of him; or what you wanted to hear so badly.

Your eyes stared at him in sorrow, more tears absorbing into your skin before you asked your question one last time; phrasing it differently now.

“Was falling in love with me a part of your mission too? Was I just another means to accomplish your end goal?”

Reiner’s heart convulsed at your words, his mouth agape to let out a pained gasp.

Did he just hear that right?

A tool?! Is that really what you thought? Is that really all you assumed you were worth to him?

As if you could ever be such a thing.

Granted, he understood how you may have assumed that, given the matter of his betrayal and all. But, despite that, he never expected such an absurd accusation.

There was a wide range of names you could’ve called him: a traitor, a liar, a monster; anything, and he would’ve accepted it; He would’ve owned up to it.

But this: questioning whether or not his affection towards you was genuine; that was one accusation he’d never admit to.

You were never a tool, you weren’t even a part of his plan to begin with. Falling in love with a woman of Paradis wasn’t exactly one of the orders he received when he was assigned to that mission. In fact, getting involved with you went against the sole purpose of him being there; the sole purpose of his assignment.

He was sent there to exterminate the Eldian race, to wipe out every last one of those despicable beings so that the world could finally be safe.

Falling in love wasn’t an order laid out in his job description at all, much less with a woman of Paradis. And yet, he did.

Reiner was a strategic man, he wasn’t one to easily abandon orders, no matter how difficult they may be. That in itself should’ve been enough to prove his affection toward you; because he never would’ve done such a thing had he not felt it was worth it, had he not felt you were worth it.

Nevertheless, here you were, teeth gritted in frustration as you impatiently awaited his answer.

Your face spoke only of torment, and it pained Reiner to have to witness it. The way your eyes were slanting together in an unsuccessful attempt to subdue your tears, your fingers curling into fists to help better contain your irritation, all of it was a clear sign of the repercussions his decision to abandon the woman he loved had caused.

It was just like the last time, you were falling to pieces over him once more, and Reiner couldn’t stand the sight of it.

Your gentle cries may not have been as loud and mournful as they were four years ago, but it didn’t matter; the fact that you were even crying in the first place was enough to make that twisting sensation return to his stomach; possibly becoming permanent at this rate.

Reiner stretched his arm out to grasp your hand, hoping to console you, however, you quickly backed away, refusing to let him touch you.

“I don’t want your pity!” you spat, your fragile body trembling from both the anger and suffering fueling inside. “I just want the truth! Did you ever love me?”

Was that even a question?

Yes, he was fully aware that it would’ve been hard to believe the authenticity of someone who’d abandoned you; someone who so easily decided to turn against you, as if doing so didn’t phase them in the slightest.

But regardless, ignoring the heinous crimes he’d committed, did you still believe he never loved you?

Were his actions before this messy conflict never enough to convince you of his sentiments?

What about all the times he’d hold you in his arms, whispering to you about how happy you made him feel? Did you really not believe any of that? Was he pouring out his heart’s inner-most secrets for nothing?

Or what about the times he’d surprise you with food, despite rations being low? He almost got caught stealing food for you so many times; which was unwise of him considering the fact that it could’ve possibly had him kicked out of the survey corps: meaning his whole plan to infiltrate the military would’ve gone up in flames.

Or, perhaps how he’d always try to keep an eye on you during missions, making sure you never encountered something too dangerous for you to handle. You always complained that he was being too paranoid, but it was only because, unlike you, he was aware of the kind of power titans held; the kind of pain they could’ve, he could’ve, inflicted upon a tiny human being.

All he ever wanted was to protect you, to do what was best for you. Did you really never realize that?

Even after he made Annie and Bertholdt promise not to lay a hand on you during their countless fights with the survey corps, even after all the times he put your saftey before his own mission, was it still never enough?

Even when he left you behind, did you really never consider the fact that he could’ve been doing it because he thought it’s what’s best for you?

You would’ve never been safe with someone like him, so he spared you from that danger by leaving.

Even though he caused you much pain by doing so, did you still never put that together?

“I understand if you don’t believe me when I say this,” Reiner began, “But I never stopped loving you.”

Even before any words left your lips, the doubtful look stringing along your face was enough to tell Reiner that you didn’t believe him; or were highly skeptical at the very least.

“If that’s true, then why wasn’t that enough for you to stay?”

He’d asked himself the same question so many times before. Why didn’t he just give up on his mission and stay with you? It’s not like he wouldn’t have preferred that option in comparison to the one he chose.

Why didn’t he just let the Marleyans presume him dead, forgetting his life in Marley and starting a new one with you on Paradis?

He wanted to, he considered it even. But there was one factor he was forgetting that made all the difference; one tiny reminder that convinced him to abandon that option in the end: you deserved better.

If he stayed behind like you would’ve wanted him to, like he would’ve wanted to, then he would’ve been living a lie; deception would’ve been rooted at the heart of your relationship.

He would’ve never been able to fully open up to you because doing so would mean he told you the truth about his past, about where he’s from and why he came here in the first place. He’d have to fabricate every detail about his life up until this point; tricking you into believing he was born inside the walls just like you. He’d need to have an excuse for everything: why his parents weren’t around, where he was born, what his home life was like, everything.

Nothing about his life would be real anymore, from the moment he’d wake up, to the second he drifted off to sleep at night, he’d be living a lie.

Every time he’d look at your innocent expression he’d be reminded of the secrets he was keeping from you, the lies he was tricking you with; and he couldn’t live like that. He refused to live like that.

“Staying would’ve only put you in danger, so I left, taking the danger with me.”

“I see.” Your voice was strained, as if you were having trouble processing everything. The shock from seeing him again so unexpectedly still hadn’t exactly worn off yet, and with the addition of all this new information piled on top, you didn’t necessarily know what to say; or how to react.

So, instead, you remained silent, hoping some ideas might materialize inside your head as you waited.

However, you weren’t kept waiting for long because Reiner quickly took an initiative to speak once again, asking something that left you stunned,

“Is it okay if I kiss you?”

Your head quickly flung upwards to look at him, contemplating whether or not you heard him right.

“What??” You asked, aghastly, desperately hoping you misheard his question.

“Is it okay if I kiss you?” He repeated, unfortunately proving that your ears were working just fine, and that you did in fact hear him correctly the first time.

He only meant it as a farewell, nothing more.

He knew this might very well be the last time he ever saw you again, so, with that in mind, he wanted to leave you with something pleasant to remember him by.

He had every intention of letting you go, he’d walk away and you’d never have to see him again afterward.

Just one last memory with you, that’s all he wanted. One last moment to reminisce on the merriment of his past before he let you go for good.

That’s what he wanted at least, but, when you finally uttered a response, he realized it might’ve been too much to ask for.

“I’m with someone else now, Reiner.”

Part One | Part Three | Masterlist | Blog Home | Aot Masterlist

(YES THERE WILL BE A PART THREE. So comment below if you want to be tagged).

Tags : @thebadbatch @mvteria @nervouslad @ah-finally @usagikookiejams

This fic, and everything else I’ve written on my blog, is mine and only mine. I work very hard on everything I write so do not, under any circumstances, modify, copy, or steal my work.

Keep in mind that commenting to tell me what you liked, what you don’t, how I can improve, and any suggestions you have helps me A LOT more than simply liking my posts. If you’ve had the time to read my story, how much longer does it take to leave me some feedback on it? 😊

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butteerfly · 1 year

Text

DATING SNK BOYS

just going back to customs <3 actually this headcanon is more like your love story was with each one, i hope you appreciate it

¡�� mayor spoilers !! s1/2/3

levi ackerman, erwin smith, eren jeager

LEVI ACKERMAN

He thought he was made for a lonely life, but meeting you changed many of his perspectives.

your love story began with a forced coexistence

he was frustrated at having to work alongside a new recruit from the military police

but your quick efficiency quite surprised him

the way you protected everyone during the expeditions caught his attention

then spontaneously you started having midnight talks

he never imagined coinciding with a person as much as he does with you

appreciates that you have left the military police to contribute to humanity through your bravery

He is a very reserved man so discovering his feelings was not an easy task, and making him talk about it was even more difficult

One of the things he likes about you is your ability to surprise him in the most unexpected ways.

you always look flawless according to him

tea tastes different if he shares it with you

He secretly enjoys when you come to his office to complete paperwork with him, sometimes loneliness tires him

He is not a man of words, his love language is acts of service and simple gifts

he is too independent in practically every aspect of his life except with you

He is very overprotective, he does not do it in a possessive way, the world in which you live forces him to take care of you

he partially disagree with you being in the survey corp, but he knows that if he met you there he won't be able to convince you to leave.

he is scared of you because you make him feel vulnerable without any explanation

not into pda, but in the privacy of your room he always prefers you to be on top of him

In terms of sex, I think Levi would agree with whatever you want to do as long as you guys are out of duty.

he is quite shy about that topic due to his lack of experience

when you sleep next to him he could look at your face for hours without getting tired

he really likes how you smell

he's actually your squad captain

your relationship caused an interesting gossip in paradis when it was discovered

hange always asks you when you are going to have children because she wants to meet her nephews and levi always looks at her horrified

he trains you personally and mercilessly because he doesn't want to lose you for anything in the world

when the female titan appearedthe fear he had for you still sends shivers down his spine

whispers I love you

one of his most intimate moments was when he had a panic attack in the middle of a storm, you witnessed his pain and helped him overcome it that day.

It was very difficult for him but he confessed to you what the memory of the death of his best friends made him feel and you comforted him like no one else

he cannot afford to be weak with humanity, he is the strongest soldier of humanity, he has a duty, but with you... your side is the only place where he feels that he is Levi Ackerman and not a soldier

dating Levi is constantly comforting each other, in order to cope with your existence in the world that you lived in

EREN JEAGER

you met when you were just babies, you grew up together those peaceful years

Eren thought you were the cutest girl/boy in Paradis and he continue to think the same for the rest of his life

when your life was turned upside down in a split second you both found peace in each other's embrace.

you share a deep hatred for those who took away your freedom

the devotion you feel for him is immeasurable

from the beginning you always thought like him, the survey corp was your path before he too decided he wanted to go there

Eren confessed his love to you during training, your first kiss was adorable and awkward

dating him back then was a volatile experience, watching him die and come back as a titan stressed you out too much.

you supported him in all his decisions when he found out he was a titan

you swore loyalty..

the latent fear that he will die again haunts you

I think Eren is one of the passionate kisses

he is a hormonal teenager, has a lot of energy

He didn't mind showing you love in public

lots of kisses on the back of your hand

would be a jealous man

when you broke three ribs fighting the female titan he almost went crazy.

He is the type of boyfriend who when you get sick does not leave your side

the shiganshina operation was a before and after in your relationship

when you came back you knew something was wrong just by looking at his eyes

dating him used to be fun, dangerous adventure, you laughed and hugged

But now dating him is a permanent state of alert

he started to be more distant and aggressive towards you progressively, suddenly he no longer kisses you in public and you no longer remember when he said I love you for the last time

he broke up with you but refuses to let you go, you became so dependent on each other

There's a growing anxiety between you that you can't fix and he doesn't seem to care

suddenly he asks you to leave the army and stay away from your friends... and you listen to him because you love him more than your life

Before leaving you forever, he made sure to leave you in the safest place in the world and kiss you for the last time, without giving you any explanation.

dating eren is to miss what his love once was

ERWIN SMITH

Erwin remembers being instantly attracted to your rebelliousness

the way you questioned your superiors to keep your comrades safe made him want to talk to you, you look interesting.

He started filling out paperwork with you, then walking next to you, "accidentally" bumping into you, then inviting you for tea.

when he asked you what you thought about what lay beyond the wall your answer amazed him

he knew you were the one at that moment, but his head refused to accept it as a defense mechanism

the tension that existed between both of you was overwhelming

you initiated your first kiss, making him totally lose himself with you

It didn't take you long to formalize and start walking hand in hand in public.

It was certainly inappropriate but when your superiors asked for an explanation Erwin said that working together in this way was more beneficial for the team and consequently for humanity, everyone fell for his speech

you are the couple that talks about totally strange topics that the rest don't even think about

he taught you to play chess

you taught him a card game that your family had taught you

you recommend books to each other

in fact on your days off you go to a small park to read together, usually you end up sleeping on top of him

he thinks you would be a lovely bride ...

he gave you a ring but never asked the question

you understood why

When you are on duty, you are not distracted much because your obligation is serious, but as soon as night comes...

before he was the commander you used to sneak into his room to sleep next to him

passionate kisses against the wall

In terms of sex, your greatest activity is when you return from the expeditions...you relieve stress that way

believes that red roses are the perfect flowers for you

your heart almost jumped out of your mouth when he lost his arm

he could listen to you talk all day, no matter if he is tired, badly hurt or stressed, your voice is his ground wire

you never questioned him as a commander, after all he was your superior, his speeches left you teary-eyed

you were so proud of the man you fell in love with and dreamed of marrying

until the shiganshina operation came

he ordered you as commander to stay in the rose wall, in case no one of the survey corps is left alive, but you knew that was an excuse, you couldn't believe that he was doing that to you

you begged him on your knees to let you go whit them, he didn't give in but you didn't listen to him either, after all you always had a rebellious spirit

he was speechless when he saw you among the troops, but he couldn't be mad at you on the possible day of his death, he assigned you to armin arlert's group anyway

"this could be the end of everything so why don't we go somewhere only we know" 😭

The last time you saw him in the eyes will always stay in your head.

you felt your world fall when he finally left

dating erwin is having his spirit and courage tattooed on your heart for the rest of your life

I hope you liked my vision <3 I accept any ideas and opinions

#attack on titan #eren yeager #erwin smith #snk erwin #levi ackerman x reader #levi x y/n #snk levi #eren jaeger #eren x reader #shingeki no kyoujin eren #shingeki no kyoujin levi #levi ackerman headcanons #erwin x reader #attack on titan erwin

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moonspirit · 7 days

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What do u think Annie’s eating habits are like? We know she loves sweet food but what else

Is she a picky eater? Maybe due to being force fed during her training to get more powers.

Does she have trust issues around food?

Is the reason she likes sweet food due bitter things reminding her off the things she had to eat

Side note and a trigger warning for this part but does she have any disordered eating due to how she views her body. From a young age she had an extremely sexulized Titan and could this have affected her?

Hi anon!

Interesting topic tho! I have some thoughts on this, but whether or not they make any sense is beyond me xD

So the reason I have for why she likes sweets so much is because I hc that sugar was probably a hard to get commodity in Liberio. I don't have much of a base when I say this, nor do I remember if anything about daily life in Liberio was ever expanded upon in the manga, but to me, sugar sounds like something that would've cost a lot of money, something we know ordinary Eldian people in the internment zone didn't have much of. I like to think that sugar was bought and saved for the really important occasions like birthdays and weddings, and to get your hands on a sweet treat was considered something special. For fic purposes, I also imagined up an instance where Annie (already a warrior candidate) found herself staring into the windows of a bakery, drawn by the delicious smells and colours of fresh pastries, only to be shooed away from the vicinity by a military officer. That once she and the others successfully became shifters, she had her first taste of a cookie or a cake and she'd have liked more if only her father noticed she liked them and cared to get her some now that he was an honorary Marleyan (but he never did). That on Paradis, she had her first "free" taste of a donut with nobody to admonish her, and cried in her bed because it tasted so good and she could go and buy more and nobody would refuse her.

Also, the sugar gives her an instant dopamine hit lmao. Annie being the sad girl she was, would've found solace in the burst of happiness that eating a slice of cake gave her without having to rely on people-connections for it. Sugar = easy comfort.

Other than sweets tho, I don't hc her as too much of a picky eater. Only normal amount. There's probably some stuff she doesn't like, for example very spicy and pungent food, but except for those preferences, she likely eats most everything without a problem. (some veggies she's not too fond of (maybe peas?) stealthily travel on their own to Armin's plate).

Oh, for some reason, I really like the idea of Annie becoming very attached to chilled mangoes in the summers! (it's me, I'm attached to chilled mangoes in the summers)

Coming to the experiments conducted on her as a warrior tho. Again, personal opinion, but I think it would have more to do with how the thing she was made to eat "looked" rather than just tasted. Zeke's spinal fluid, for example, presented to her either as a murky liquid or as a chunk of his nape (ew T^T) could've brought her to gag on sight alone. Similarly Reiner's hardening ability could've been dished out to her in any number of ways beginning with the hardening "serum" (like the one in the Reiss underground) or as an actual part of Reiner's body (ew again T^T). Other experiments we don't know of could've also taken any form of gruesome appearance. And in all of these, the two most traumatic components that Annie faced were 1. The disgusting appearance of the "food", and 2. The fact that she was force-fed them against her will.

In that regard, I've always felt that she'd absolutely hate being forced to eat anything she doesn't want to. Let's say, even actual healthy harmless food, but if she's not hungry and some well-meaning person tries to *make* her eat, it's not going to go across well.

And now.... for the Disordered eating (TW).

Hmmm, can't say I've ever made a connection between the appearance of her titan and her eating habits tbh. Annie to me seems like a person who's *fond* of eating, especially sweet and sugary stuff and for different reasons as I've stated above. The fact that her titan is the only one that is explicitly sexed in such a way is definitely curious, and its been the subject of debate for years now. However the FT is held in high regard for its abilities and agility (all of which depend on Annie's skill alone), and as such, is considered a high performance machine, likely even by Annie herself. A war machine, a weapon. Having to always stay a step ahead of the enemy in terms of speed, lethality and effectiveness, I think what Annie would've been most worried about is her usefulness and efficiency rather than the shape of her body particularly. That said, I do think Annie would be uncomfortable not exercising or keeping herself in top form in shape at all times, even post-rumbling, since those are routines drilled into her from a very young age and not sticking to them makes her antsy.

I hope that answered all your questions :3!

#anon ask #annie leonhart #headcanon #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #aot #snk #annie leonhardt

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lostcauses-noregrets · 6 months

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Lostcauses Fic: 2023 Wrap Up

I thought I hadn't written very much this year, but I didn't do too badly and I also posted my 100th Eruri fic! Enormous thanks to everyone who has read, commented, recced and made the Eruri fandom such a creative and joyful space. Happy New Year to you all! ♡

Taller

Anon asked: Do you have any headcanons for that one time Levi wished he was taller?

Just Like It Always Is

"The man sat motionless for a few moments, dark hair falling forward, obscuring his face, slender hands hovering over the keyboard. Erwin held his breath, then he laid his hands on the keys and a soft chord blossomed, warm like a breath of wind on summer’s day."

Erwin is entranced by a strangely familiar man playing the piano in a railway station.

No Regrets

Written in response to the devastating shot of Levi in the Final episode trailer. I thought I was prepared for the emotional damage. I was wrong.

Orbital

"Levi leafed through the newspaper as he waited in line at the bus stop. The front page was dominated by a large photograph of three men in military uniform, the headline blaring “The Best of the Bravest”. Beneath, in swaggering prose, the story read, “Paradis Space Program has selected its first astronauts from over 100 prospective candidates from all branches of the military, aviation and naval forces. Following a rigorous testing and selection process, Commander Nile Dok, Commander Erwin Smith and Lieutenant Commander Mike Zacharias have achieved the highest honour of being chosen as Scout Project astronauts. One of these brave men will be the first Eldian to orbit the earth in a manned space capsule…”

A space exploration period piece featuring Erwin as a pioneering astronaut and Levi as his CAPCOM.

The Tale of Erwin and Levi - The Song of Parting

With profuse apologies to Beren Erchamion and J.R.R. Tolkien. This is a shameless rip off of Beren's Song of Parting from The Lay of Leithian.

That And So Much More

"They toil together through all weather; clearing the ground, preparing the soil, digging the pits, planting the precious saplings, nurturing their fragile hope for a better world."

A side story of sorts to The Permanence of the Young Men, inspired by the release of the cover of volume 35.

Buenos Aires Hora Cero

"Erwin had never considered himself to be a sentimental man but something about the tango stirred a melancholy buried deep in his soul; romantic sorrow tinged with bitter regret, yearning for fleeting intimacy, nostalgia for a love he had never known."

Erwin finds himself alone in Buenos Aires seeking solace from a broken heart. My collaboration with @seitsen-sarvi for the Paradise Zine.

A Good Man

"Turning to the centre pages of The Eldian Herald, Falco finds a double page spread titled “Heroes of the Eldian Nation: Commander Erwin Smith, 13th Commander of the Survey Corps.” At the head of the page is an imposing picture of a handsome grim-faced man mounted astride a rearing white horse, holding his sword aloft as if poised in mid charge. The caption beneath reads: “Dedicate your Hearts! Erwin Smith, the last great commander of the Survey Corps”. Curiosity piqued, Falco sits down to read."

Intrigued by an article he reads in a newspaper, Falco questions Levi about what the 13th Commander of the Survey Corps was really like.

#Happy New Year!#lostcauses fic #eruri #snk #levi ackerman #erwin smith

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cosmicjoke · 3 months

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I think your hatred of Zeke clouds your view of him. I don’t think he’s as bad as you claim. His childhood made him sincerely believe that his euthanasia plan was the best solution to the titan problem. Even Hanji admitted it was the best solution. Eldians could have lived out the remainder of their lives peacefully and not cursed their children to suffer.

Zeke is delusional, and like most narcissists, he believes himself unique or otherwise specially equipped to solve the worlds problems. And also like a true narcissist, other peoples thoughts and feelings and desires don't register and don't matter to him.

You really don't see the problem with what you just said here? "Eldians could have lived out the remainder of their lives peacefully and not cursed their children to suffer.".

You're literally advocating for genocide with this statement. And you're advocating for people having their agency totally stolen from them by a madman who, because his own childhood was sort of shitty, decided that everyone else should have to pay the price for it. You're condoning murder, by agreeing that it's okay for someone who isn't under direct threat from another person to decide whether that other person's life is worth enough to justify their continued existence.

Further, it wouldn't have ensured any sort of peace for the Eldians, because it would have rendered the limited Rumbling and the lingering threat of it impossible. You should read this post by @darkskywishes to understand why:

But basically, Zeke's supposed plan to protect Paradis is BS, because of his plan to sterilize the population. A generation is 25 years. Historia would have died after 13 years and needed to pass her titan on to her only child, who would have been 13 at the time of inheritance. Add her 13 years to Historia's of being able to activate the Rumbling. That's 26 years. Paradis needed at least 50 years to be able to build up their military adequately to compete with other nations. But because of Zeke's sterilization, no more Eldian children could have been born after at most 26 years. Paradis would have needed another 24 years for their military to catch up to the rest of the world, 24 years which they wouldn't have had, because, again, Zeke forcing sterilization on the Eldian population would have rendered it impossible to pass any titan down to anyone ever again, and so the Rumbling could no longer be activated to act as a deterrent against attack from other countries. Paradis and its remaining population would have been brutally and violently wiped out, as a result.

All this, assuming Historia would have even been able to give birth to the child she was then currently pregnant with, which, if Zeke had enacted his sterilization plan, doesn't actually seem possible. The baby would have died in the womb. And so Paradis wouldn't have even had those 26 years of peace. They would have had, at most, 13 years. Not even a single generation. Zeke literally just intended for Paradis to be wiped out and thought that would have been "mercy", because he considered life to be worthless, and death to be the preferable option.

Further still, Zeke never intended to pass his titan on at all, because he planned on forcing sterilization on the population before Historia could have gotten pregnant. Remember, Historia got herself knocked up before she was ever meant to, going against the agreed upon plan. If she had stuck to that plan, Zeke would have already forced sterilization onto the population before Historia could get pregnant. So, again, they would have had at most 13 years before the rest of the world decided to retaliate.

Beyond that, even, Zeke literally manufactured the circumstances that brought war and suffering to Paradis. Marley and the rest of the world had no interest in pursuing Paradis until Zeke convinced them that they needed to attack the island, and then, along with Eren, ensured that the rest of the worlds nations would join Marley in that attack. They CREATED THE PROBLEM.

And do you really think the rest of the Eldian's in Marley and elsewhere in the world, the people Zeke supposedly cares so much about, would have been spared further persecution and suffering from Zeke's deliberate manipulation of events to renew and intensify the already existent prejudice against them? Do you think the Eldian's suddenly being made sterile would have protected them from people's worsened prejudice, fueled by Zeke's and Eren's scheming? Don't be ridiculous.

And Hange "admitting" that Zeke was right doesn't prove anything. It doesn't remotely prove it was the right solution to anything. Hange was in a terrible mental state at that point, her self-blame for the situation worsened by Eren's bullshit claim that she had somehow "failed" to secure peace, when it was Zeke's and Eren's actions that caused the war to begin with.

Zeke did everything in his power to make the situation for the Eldian people worse, not better. He manufactured a reason for the entire world to descend on Paradis with the intent to destroy them. He left the Eldian's in other nations high and dry with no recourse and no way to protect themselves against the intensifying hatred for them. Whether Zeke genuinely convinced himself it was for the best or not doesn't matter, because his total inability to understand that he had no right to decide for people what their lives were worth proves he never cared about those people to begin with. He never considered them relevant enough for their opinions to matter. He never regarded them enough to even let them decide whether they should live or die. They were just a means to an end for his own glory.

Zeke's entire idea of "mercy" is to kill people without their agreement or consent, with no thought spared to their own beliefs regarding the value of their lives. That isn't what someone who cares about other people does. That isn't what someone who respects the lives of others does. That isn't what someone who wants to alleviate the suffering of others does. They don't try to impose their will on others. They don't try to control other people or dictate to them that their lives are worthless. They don't think they just get to decide what's best for everyone else and make the decision for them, especially over something so vital to their well-being, with no regard to their agency or will. The fact Zeke engages in this sort of behavior again and again puts the lie to his claim of wanting to end people's suffering, because he actively and purposefully causes that suffering, all to feed into his self-image of being some sort of savior.

And even if what you say was true, which it's not, but even if it were, it still wouldn't in any way, shape or form explain Zeke's blatant and breathtaking cruelty that he displays again and again, the naked enjoyment he derives from hurting others and making them suffer.

I'm not blinded by my hate for Zeke. It doesn't cloud my view of him. Zeke manages to earn my hate all on his own.

I don't get why it's so hard for some people to just admit that Zeke is a bad person. He's the literal definition.

#Zeke Yeager #attack on titan #shingkei no kyojin

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14846 · 3 months

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Chapter 1: Brief

Survivors. All those remaining, by chance, survived. Political outrage, civilian forfeit and the dark three years since the rumbling stole a lot for the twenty percent of the population who lived to see another day. The ship was landing, the queen would guide her cohorts and a new chapter would begin.

—

Well within the walls did the wheels bring them to, and by nightfall there was a celebration to mark the anniversary of all branches of the military unifying under the land of Paradis.

A lone soldier, a warrior, a person once cast aside and laid with the burden that only he thought he could atone for. Sins were the tragedies he still couldn’t courage forgiveness; but it got easier. He had backup, he had been given another chance and now found himself strolling about the very place he once betrayed. The very place he felt that accepted him for who he was.

The land he prayed to return to, the land he wished for. The place he sought in his dreams when he would then awake in a dull bedroom in the midst of another war front for Marley. A once Vice Chief Braun was a Warrior, but at heart he was always a soldier. He had returned back to his own Fennario.

His heart lunged from his chest as he marched down the cobblestone road, aiming for something particular only to him when a boom burst through the air and exploded, but there was no fire. There were shouts, awe circumvented through the crowds that were placed by some kiosks along the streets.

The soldier’s leg gave in, his hand raising over to grab the vest buttoned over his chest as a rumble vibrated throughout the stoned walkway. Another, and his eyes shot up to see fire crackling in the air, falling, but not landing near him. His knee snapped in another direction opposing how he intended to send his boot down in, and another thunder of fire clapped and sparked above him. His hands flew over his head to block the flames from landing onto him, his breath hitching and forcing him to hold back from any release. His lungs started to burn, and he felt his cheeks flush red as he started to hurry toward his destination. Another crash of light and the screams of awe pierced him. Reflections along the buildings cast lights around crates and other abandoned festivities that had happened earlier in the day.

A celebration to fit for the anniversary. He felt his body inevitably lunge forward, and without thought his arms were hovering over the back of his neck at another crash. He couldn’t save himself this time- he couldn’t save anybody else. Mortality was an exceptionally odd thing to accept after these few years.

Did anyone tell him that there would be fireworks tonight?

There must’ve been a mistake when a hand so politely pressed against the knelt soldier’s body. There was no rush to hide from the line of fire, no trance of panic. To think, the only people running nearby were the pitter-patter of children’s shoes as sparks twinkled from sticks that were held in their hands.

No. He was stuck in the battlefront huddled in his mind. A gentle tug, and the man looked up to see a concerned brunette looking down at him. She had obviously taken notice of the blonde’s strange behavior and taken initiative.

No words, just a concerned look. She pulled her hand from his shoulder and instead, flipped her palm upward to the sky and held it pointedly in front of him. Another crackle, and he shuffled uncomfortably, his eyes shutting as he lurched his hand into hers. With another tug from her, he pulled himself up to his feet.

As we marched down to Fennario As we marched down to Fennario What will your mother think when she hears the guineas clink The soldiers all marchin' before you-o? Sweet William is dead and he died for a maid The fairest maid in the are-o If ever I return, all your cities I will burn Destroying all the ladies in the are-o Fennario. Fennario.

She spoke and told him to focus. His legs dragged behind her despite her stride being much shorter than his. His stomach churned, his temples throbbing in pain by how tightly he had shut his eyes through the works of fire in the sky.

He returned to the land that broke his heart. Returned. Except the flames that emptied within the nation in fury had turned into comical opposition. The flames flew into the stars beyond now, but then, they crashed and smoked the grounds he stepped on. He continued to lag behind in memories, but now at least there seemed to be a hand that would drag him out of the war zone.

A door shut, and before he could realize, he was sitting with a cup of tea cradled in his hands.

“I’m Janette.”

#anime #anime and manga #manga #attack on titan #reiner braun #reiner x reader #reiner x oc #reiner smut #reiner fluff #aot reiner #aot #aot x reader #aot smut

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crisalidaseason · 1 year

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forgot to post this here, I usually post on ao3 first so feel free to check there for more new fics quicker (same username as here and a paola bracho pic).

Commander and Guerrila

Summary: Armin finds you bleeding on the stables. You're a political enemy with trust issues and a little distracted by your pretty rescuer/nurse. Tags: Bullet wounds, mentions of blood, mentions of political persecution, reader is injured and antimilitary, anti authoritative government, Armin is having a hard time coping (people with EDs might find it triggering) Armin stitches your wounds, I have no knowledge on wound treatment, reader curses A LOT, Armin and Annie are just besties, Mikaannie snippet, Sasha's dad is here and he's an iconic dilf.

Part 2 is here

You stumbled into the stables, hoping the muddy ground outside and the darkening sky would conceal the trail of blood you left while running from the soldiers pursuing you. After running for what felt like kilometers, your legs were shaking and the wound on your side was bleeding even more because of the strain. You pressed on the bullet wound, trying to stop the flow but too much blood was already lost. All you could do was open the most hidden horse stall and hide inside, not even acknowledging the confused animal that suddenly gained a roommate. The blood loss was fogging your mind and as your body cooled down from all the exercise the pain started to overwhelm you. Laying on the floor, not even bothering to see if it was clean, you quickly slipped into an unconscious state. ___

Armin would always wake up early, even on the days he was off duty. He would usually catch up on some book unrelated to the infinite amount of negotiation papers and treaties he usually had to read, and sometimes he would even go for a walk. Unfortunately, the latter was rather difficult to do since Jean would panic and refuse to let Armin walk anywhere alone.

“You’re the commander and given your history on the Battle of Heaven and Earth, I wouldn’t be surprised if they put a bullet through your head” Jean said.

“I am not a commander, there is no survey corps to make me one. And also, all of us live in potential danger for the same reason” He replied.

“But you’re still the face of this, Armin” Jean insisted “You have a target on your back, Commander title valid or not”

Armin sighed remembering that conversation from two years ago. Jean was still dramatic over his safety, probably a result of Mikasa asking the man to keep an eye on Armin during their diplomatic trips. She was also another person who constantly worried about his life, constantly begging him to retire from this career. He was never fond of this path he was forced to follow, ultimately a consequence of Eren’s actions, but there was no other person willing to do it.

“Good morning, Commander” the familiar voice said.

Jean entered the kitchen, already bathed and probably planning to go to the city if his clothes were any indication.

“Good morning, captain” Armin greeted “going to the city?”

“Yes, Arthur asked for some specific herbs and seasonings” he spoke while pouring some lemongrass tea for himself “Nicollo will be cooking a special dinner in honor of our successful alliance with Eldia”

Armin would call their negotiation everything but successful, their group was lucky at best. Historia was Armin’s only leverage and relative protection. Paradis, or Eldia, as they called it, was still hostile towards Armin and the Alliance members. The eldian military was even more suspicious of them, especially now that Annie, Pieck and Reiner were present figures. Armin felt as if he was still stepping on eggshells, he was not going to naively believe his problems were solved.

“Stop overthinking” Jean poked him in the arm “we made a good enough deal with them”

“The question is: Will they uphold it?” Armin quickly said.

“That is a question for the future, we can only be cautious” Jean said “now stop frying your overworked brain. You should come with me to the city”

“No, no” he denied “ It’s the last place I want to go, but you go and have fun”

Armin could feel Jean wanting to pressure him to let out more information, he had a good eye for people in distress, which annoyed Armin to the core. He did not need more pity. Thankfully he momentaneously gave up and was out of the farm house in a few minutes. The once commander watched from the kitchen window as his longtime friend took one of the horses tied on the front porch and rode off.

“Good morning, Commander”

Arthur greeted him

“Mr. Braus”

“You’re up awfully early for someone off duty” the older man said, while preparing the breakfast table for the children “and call me Arthur”

“I slept early yesterday” Armin lied “and I’ll call you Arthur once you stop calling me commander”

Alongise Jean and Connie, Sasha’s father was also someone who never stopped calling him by his title, even if the blonde had asked him to stop so many times. Armin was very fond of the man, he offered a safe space for many of the 104th veterans in honor of his late daughter.

“Ivan!” Arthur called for his oldest boy “The horses need feeding”

“I’ll do it” Armin offered, already standing up from his chair “let the boy sleep a little longer”

Arthur turned to face him, features contorted in surprise.

“Are you aware of your status as a guest?” he said “and commander?”

“Yes” Armin said “do not worry mr. Braus, I know how to handle horses”

“Wait-”

But Armin was already out of the kitchen, not bothering to hear any of the old man’s excuses. Nothing better to distract the mind than caring for animals, and he was very fond of horses. ___

You woke up in a painful haze, your mouth and throat were dry and the headache felt as if an axe was splitting your head. The horse you shared a stall with was not bothered at all, instead it was just reacting to something in the stables. You cursed mentally, you were supposed to hide and keep moving instead of fainting in a stable, where anyone could find you and possibly hand your weakened self to the army.

“Being upset with me won’t feed you faster, have patience” a male voice startled you.

Someone would find you, and there was not enough strength left on your body to fight. Not even your gun was around, only a pocket knife. By the sounds of the man’s steps, he was getting closer and closer to the stall you were in.

“Hello, Pots” he said to your horse roommate “always well behaved, huh?”

The locks in the stall were pulled and the door slowly opened, revealing a blond man with a bucket of what was probably hay. He spotted you immediately, blue eyes widening.

“Shit, who the hell are you?”

Your throat was too dry to even reply, instead letting incomprehensible grunts. You prepared the pocket knife in case he tried to grab you, mind half thankful that he at least did not carry a gun.

“That is a lot of blood” he said, getting closer carefully “I will call someone for help, try not to move much”

You were able to muster up a painful ‘no’, which threw you in a coughing fit and worsened the pain of your wound.

“Okay, okay!” he said.

The man looked around, looking for something. You could not really register what his intentions were when the wound was angrily hurting.

“Let me hide you somewhere else then, the stall is in plain view, what were you even thinking?”

Oh, sorry, maybe the giant bullet wound clouded my mind . You thought, already hating that man’s guts. He kneeled by your side, quickly taking your left arm and immobilizing the hand that was holding the pocket knife. He took your excuse of a weapon, closing and putting it inside your boot.

“Let’s not stab the rescuer” he said.

A part of your mind was a little surprised when the man, who had an average height and a slender figure, lifted you easily. Despite the headache and pain, you could notice the softness of his short straw blond hair and the almost absence of facial hair, which made his age confusing since his voice was deep enough to not pass as a teenager. That was an unusual farmer, you thought. He was moving rather easily and quickly, crossing the field and entering what seemed to be a barn.

“Here you go” he said, while laying you down “This barn is just winter storage, nobody comes here during summer season. I’ll get you some water and try to clean this wound”

You did not have a choice in the matter besides waiting for his next move, still being too weak to get up. Whatever this man’s intentions were, you were at his mercy. You found it strange that he left your pocket knife with you, but that meant nothing regarding trust. ___

Armin went back to the farm house running, trying to avoid being seen by anyone inside when he snuck in. Thankfully, he had basic wound care medicine and tools in his belongings, a habit he picked up from Hange years ago. Armin also took matches, a canteen of drinking water and some clean cloths. It was not ideal, but he was in a rush, the amount of blood in the stranger’s clothes was alarming. He was almost opening his bedroom door when someone knocked.

“Armin, are you there?”

He fell silent, hoping Annie would just leave thinking he was not inside. Don’t open the door, don’t open the door, don’t open-

“Arlert!” she said “if you start skipping meals again I’ll resort to violence”

He almost grunted out of frustration, putting all of the items down on the bedside table and shielding them with a book stack nearby.

“I have already eaten” he said, while opening the door slightly “Jean woke up early to do some errands and I joined him for breakfast”

The short woman had her arms crossed.

“Good” she said “let’s spare Mikasa from your antics or else I-”

“Yes, yes, I already know” he said “violence and all, now go back to your lover-not-my-lover and leave me to read some documents, hm?”

“Fuck you Arlert” she smiled “need any help?”

“No, now leave my sight please”

“Don’t have to ask twice” she scoffed.

He closed the door, relieved that Annie was nothing like overly worried Jean and Mikasa. He did not waste time and soon snuck out of the residence while everyone was distracted on the breakfast table. He walked in a fast pace, always checking if he was out of sight until he reached the storage barn.

“Sorry” he said “it took me longer than expected to-”

They were unconscious, and Armin almost panicked. He checked their pulse and breathing, which were awfully weak, and quickly decided to assess the wound on their side. He pulled the stranger’s coat away from the affected area and lifted the blood soaked shirt, seeing the not so large but deep wound, still bleeding. He almost prayed when he noticed the bullet just scraped deeply through the skin, he did not need to fish it out and cause even more pain or damage. Taking the water canteen, he poured it over the wound and tried to wash all the dirt from it. He also applied some ginger ointment to hopefully fight the certain infection before starting to stitch the wound up. ___

You woke up to a dark barn, and also alone. You were still in pain, but it was less damaging to your senses, making you notice that your coat was discarded and there was a blanket thrown on top of your body. Slowly lifting the sheet, you could see your shirt was torn near the wound and a white cloth covered a stitched ugly wound. Breathing in and out, you tried to sit up without disrupting the man’s job, but you had no strength to do so.

“Ugh, fuck this” you huffed.

At least your voice was working, still raspy, but way better than before. You wondered if the man tried to hydrate you, how unexpected of someone to be so helpful. Maybe you were just used to people being nothing but violent and oppressive to you and your people, especially the ones in the city. Of course, you would never trust the farmer entirely, he could still help you and cruelly hand you to the military in the end.

“You’re awake” the voice startled you “sorry, didn’t mean to scare you”

The odd farmer entered the barn, carrying something tied inside a cloth.

“I’m not scared” you replied “who are you?”

“I brought food” he said “you’re still dehydrated”

“Who the fuck are you?”

He looked you straight in the eyes, setting the food on the floor next to you.

“Does it matter? Knowing my name won’t heal you” he said.

You stayed silent, trying to guess what he was going to do next. He was kneeling, hands on his thighs while he looked around.

“Perfect” he spoke while standing up.

The man left your field of vision, but soon returned with a jute bag full of what seemed to be hay or dried wheat with how full it looked. He covered it with the cloth he used to wrap the food.

“Can I lift you up? you’ll eat better elevated” he asked.

You nodded. He slithered a hand under you, lifting your upper torso and lowering you again, but on the jute bag this time.

“Comfortable?” he asked.

Of course not, I can barely move on my own, you thought, but remained silent. He nervously deviated his sight to the food in his hands.

“Here” he offered a piece of steamed sweet potato.

You almost inhaled it after taking the first bite. The man also gave you a small canteen, which you gladly took and almost cried at the wonderful taste of water. The meal was silent, with him offering you more food until you emptied the plate and drained the canteen.

“Satisfied?” he asked.

“No, I’m still thirsty” you confessed.

“I’ll fetch you more water” he said, standing up.

“Wait” you said.

He stopped at the door, and you had to admit he was a little distracting when illuminated by moonlight.

“Yes?” he asked when you remained silent for too long.

“Your stitches look like shit” you spilled. ___

Armin was exhausted when he finally snuck back into his room. He spent the entire day checking on the stranger whenever people were distracted enough, running from the house to the barn a few times that day to see if the person was still alive and wet their lips with cold water. He wanted to bring them to his room, but there was not a single scenario in his head that made it possible. Despite him knowing the others would not harm the stranger, he was awfully haunted by the desperate ‘no’ they let out when Armin offered to get help. Whoever that person was, he could recognize the weight of existence on them, and Armin had a sad hunch of what they were.

“Terrorists?” Pieck commented.

Jean, Armin and Connie were telling the events of the first Paradis-Alliance negotiation meeting to Annie, Pieck and Reiner. The warrior trio were left out until Armin could see a safe opportunity for their participation.

“Yes” Jean confirmed “at least that’s how the eldian army calls them. Supposed terrorists that conspire against the government”

“That’s strange” she said “but it explains why we weren’t shot to death upon arrival. They have bigger problems now”

“It’s not strange at all” Annie replied “an army leading a country? We saw this picture before and it always ends up on social control. The eldian government will always have riots for as long as they rule”

“At least we are off the hook” Connie said.

“Make no mistake, as soon as they manage to shut down this rioting group we will be targets again” Armin said “let’s be cautious”

Armin was screwed. He had helped a rioter, which could put him and his comrades in trouble. Whoever that person was, the fact they were shot meant that somewhere in this district their group orchestrated an attack. Armin’s strictly strategic and mission-focused side was screaming to let the stranger die, or kill them if they got any better, but he was not that monster anymore. Armin refused to repeat his sins from the past, when he was only a weapon and not a person. He would help the stranger heal and send them on their way, hoping that they were grateful enough to not tell on him.

He was not able to sleep that night, his mind on the wounded rioter inside the storage barn. The morning came fast, and he was already up on the first evidence of sunlight. He assembled a small plate with fruits, some bread, goat cheese and filled a canteen with rosemary water. Not bothering to eat himself, Armin left the farm house and walked at a slower pace to the barn. He hoped the stranger was still asleep, resting as much as they could. Armin did spend too much time there last night, speaking with the rioter until they fell asleep. He found it amusing that their first conversation started with a justified insult to his sewing abilities, Armin truly did not have the best knowledge on stitching people up.

“Sorry about it” he said once he returned with more water “I only learned the basics”

“I insulted your hard work trying to rescue me from the brink of death and you say sorry?” they asked.

“What should I say instead?” he asked.

They just shrugged their shoulders, not answering.

“You were lucky, the bullet just scraped, deeply, but it doesn’t seem like it hit anything major” Armin tried to lift their mood “can you tell me what happened?”

“None of your business”

Armin had to admit he wanted to chuckle a little, they seemed so torn between grateful and careful. He could relate and respect that very much, if the situation was switched he would have behaved the same.

“You’re up” he said once he opened the barn’s door.

They were already awake, or maybe did not sleep at all. Armin decided not to ask and just offered the food instead. They ate silently, drinking the rosemary water as if they were traveling through the desert. Armin knew well that losing blood could dehydrate someone this badly, the headaches and nausea were the worst part.

“How are you feeling today?” he asked.

“Like shit” they said “but less shit”

Armin could see the lie, they were sweating and the trembling indicated that maybe a fever was coming.

“Care if I check your temperature?” Armin said.

“I don’t have a fever”

He nodded and did not push them, already thinking of what he should do if they fell with an infection. He took the empty plate and headed back to the main house, sneaking into the kitchen to wash everything and start breakfast for everyone else. While he brewed some tea and coffee, he heard footsteps approaching the room.

“Oh, Good morning, Commander. I was about to start breakfast” Arthur said.

“Good morning, Mr. Braus” he greeted the older man “I was already awake, might as well help”

The man hummed, taking the pan from the cabinet and a basket of eggs. Armin observed while the man prepared the base for the omelets, offering space on the stove for him.

“So, where have you been sneaking up to?”

Armin choked on air but quickly recomposed his posture.

“Excuse me?” he replied.

“Boy, I have four teenagers at home. I know a sneaky kid when I see one”

Of course Arthur would drop his title for a good scolding.

“Sorry, sir. I just wanted some alone time”

“In my winter barn?”

“I was always a strange kid, Mikasa can confirm that” Armin partially lied.

“Hm, so this has nothing to do with the fact I found blood in one of my horse stalls?”

Shit. Shit. Shit. How could Armin be so fucking stupid?

“Are they even alive?” Arthur questioned, frying another omelet as if he was saying mundane things.

“Yes” Armin finally gave up “but they might be developing an infection ”

The older man sighed, turning the stove off.

“Bring them inside. A dusty barn is no place to heal” ___

You were pissed, livid, angrier than ever. That stupid farm boy was going to get you killed.

“I told you to not ask for help! You fucking dumb farm boy” you grunted.

“I asked him to bring me here” the old man tried to reason “besides, I know very well what you are and I have no intentions of giving you to the military”

“Do you really think I believe in this?” You spat.

“You either believe or die of infection” Armin said “You can’t even hide it anymore”

“Let me give you a room, let your body heal completely” the older man said again “once you can walk without fainting you’re free to go”

“Why would you help a terrorist?” ” the word was full of venom in your mouth.

“I’m helping a wounded person, that’s all” he said “and besides, it’s not like I sympathize with the military either”

The wrinkles on his face indicated a suffering you could remember from your mother’s features. It was not uncommon for farmers, nurses and teachers to dislike their government, but caution was never too much. You did not trust anyone but your comrades, but there was no choice in the moment. You were vulnerable, and you were feeling weaker as the hours passed.

“If you turn me in, my comrades will fucking bomb your farm next”

“Yes, of course they will” the old man dismissed your answer “Armin, mind carrying them to the main house?”

The blond boy approached you, asking you a silent question. You nodded and he quickly picked you up, firmly holding you. Despite the feverish haze, you still could not help but notice how strong he was. And the name? it was so familiar and yet you had no instant memories of it.

“Here” the old man motioned for Armin once they entered the home “this room is never used, we can be discreet and still give you good enough care”

You almost cried once your body was placed on the soft bed. You were used to sleeping in uncomfortable conditions, but something about being ill and sleeping in a proper bed left you sensitive. You were fed more properly and had your wound cleaned again, the old man, which you learned was named Arthur, gave you a towel and bathing supplies, alongside clothes.

“I’ll leave you to try and bathe on your own, but if you need help I can ask my wife to assist you” Arthur said.

You refused, but thanked him shyly. Your attempt at bathing and relieving yourself was slow and incredibly messy, but it was good enough for someone in the early stages of fever and wobbly legs. Armin had knocked on your door, asking to give you fever medicine he had found.

“I’ll check on you later regarding the fever, but try to rest for now” he said.

Before he could leave your room, you grasped his sleeve. He turned back to you, intense blue eyes questioning your actions.

“I just” you began “Thanks…for not letting me die on that stable”

He gave you a small smile, nodding.

“It’s the least I could do” he said.

He pulled the blinds to darken the room, giving you one last look before closing the door. You laid down on the bed, still uncomfortable but feeling less dirty and weak, thinking about the strange luck destiny gave you in the shape of a blond farm boy. You were young, but lived enough to expect that luck would soon run out, and that terrified you.

The next few days were filled with that man checking on your wound, giving you medicine, engaging in small conversation while he waited for you to finish the meals he brought. You never gave him your name, despite knowing his, and he started calling you by that stupid nickname.

“Guerrila” Armin called you.

You rolled your eyes, holding your tongue not to curse at him when he had your food in hands.

“Stop calling me that”

“When you give me a name, even a fake one”

Never.

“Here you go” Armin handed you the bowl “bean stew”

“Who is your cook again?” You asked.

“Nicollo” he said.

“Send him my regards”

“He has no idea you’re here, but I’ll try my best”

“It’s better this way” you spoke “you and Arthur are already in danger simply by helping me”

Armin sat next to you on the bed.

“Again, Guerrilla, helping you makes little difference on our safety status”

He had given you this answer before, but never elaborated on it. You also never asked for more details, afraid he would use this as an exchange to know more about you. It’s not like you were still worried about your identity, but you were terrified of letting someone know you. Armin was still a stranger, but you felt a horrible need to know him better and share your thoughts and life in return. You could not have that, you could never have anyone again. Everyone you ever loved or cared for died or disappeared: You mother, sister, lover, friends, comrades. That farmer boy did not need to enter the list, nor Arthur.

“I’ll be leaving soon” you announced “The wound is healing well and I haven’t had a fever in two days”

“Are you sure? Arthur would never force you to leave”

“Yes. I can’t stay anymore, I need to warn my remaining comrades of what happened”

“I understand”

No, he did not. How could he? He was a farmer boy after all.

“Tell me when you want to go, I can arrange a horse and supplies” he said “also find a good time for you to leave unnoticed”

You thanked him for the help, genuinely relieved that he did not try to convince you to stay. Had he asked, you would have stayed longer. ___

Armin closed their door, locking it from the outside as usual. It was surprisingly easy to hide someone in that house, which made Armin think if Arthur had done that before. Not even Mikasa, who had a good eye for routine shifts, picked up on Armin and Arthur’s odd behavior. Or maybe she was too invested in her newfound strange tension/relationship with Annie, who knows. All he knew is that soon enough the young rioter would leave and Armin would have to act as if nothing happened, as if that stranger did not turn his life upside down by spawning in a horse stall about ten days ago. He was terrified by how quickly he was getting attached, even if he knew barely anything about them.

“Are you even listening to me?” Jean waved his hand.

“Sorry, sorry. Can you repeat?”

“Are you feeling okay? You’ve been distracted for a while”

“I’m okay” Armin said “please, proceed”

Jean spoke again, reviewing their newest treaty with Eldia and the contracts with the other countries they visited as a pacific alliance. Jean sensed they would have to travel soon and was endlessly ranting about the cost of the trip and how much time they would spend in a certain conference. Armin’s mind was half listening to his captain, but the other half was thinking about the stranger hiding in that very house. Armin would leave and not come back for at least four months, maybe more. He hoped that the guerrilla could at least stay alive until he could somehow find them again. Was it reasonable? Of course not. If the previous commander of the survey corps was found looking for a rioter that would cause him more problems than ever. ___

Armin was waiting for you to finish packing. Arthur had given you more than you deserved for a quick trip back to the headquarters, but you appreciated the man’s generosity, he even polished your pocket knife. You checked if everything was on your bag before turning to Armin and nodding. He opened the door, looking into the corridor before signaling for you to follow, and guided you to what seemed to be the back doors of the house. Outside, the dark sky had no moon, but you could spot a horse waiting for you with the help of an oil lamp. Armin climbed on the animal and offered you a hand.

“You’ll need help finding your way out of the farm” he justified “I know the way by heart”

You took his hand, careful not to strain your almost healed wound, and sat behind him. The heat on your face was very unwelcome, in your opinion, why would you feel all stupid then when the man had carried you bridal style twice before? Maybe it was the fact his hands were calloused but his grip was gentle, or that his shoulders were firm when you grasped them. Ugh, I am so pathetically touch starved, you said to yourself.

“Of course the farmer boy knows the way” you finally said.

“Can I tell you something?” he chuckled.

“Hm?”

“I am not a farmer” he said “Well, I worked in a farm about ten years ago, but I’m just visiting a friend here”

“And what are you then?”

“I have no idea” he said.

“Excuse me?” you were so confused.

“Some people say I am an ambassador, others call me a diplomat, some call me survey corps scum”

That’s when it hit you like a horse race. Armin as in-

“Are you the 15th commander? Commander Arlert?”

He did not say anything at first, but you could feel his shoulders tense up.

“I guess so”

“People in this country hate your guts” you said without thinking “Shit, you helped me! If they ever find out you’re getting killed!”

“Nobody will suspect if a certain Guerrila stays silent about it” he said.

“Of course I’m not saying shit, but still! If I was in your place…”

He could have done what any other government targeted person would.

“You would turn me in?” he continued your line of thought “it’s a smart move, rid yourself of danger by handing them a terrorist”

“Why didn’t you?”

"It's not fair” he said “but please let’s not talk about it”

You wanted to ask more, to know more. How could he even tell you those things and not elaborate on anything? You almost considered asking him for more information when the horse came to a stop and Armin asked you to hold the oil lamp while he got off the horse. The orange hue was the only thing allowing you to see his face.

“You should recognize the main road from here, I trust you know how to avoid the military”

You nodded, adjusting yourself on the horse saddle.

“I am sort of an expert in avoiding them” you said.

He smiled and shook his head, petting the horse’s neck.

“Try not to be shot again when I’m out of the country” he looked you straight in the eyes.

“I’ll try my best, but don’t make any promises”

“Alright, get out of here” he stepped away from the horse.

You prompted the horse forward, but not even five meters on you turned your body to face him. Armin held the oil lamp close to enough to see that he still faced you.

“Maybe one day we can talk without this looming danger on our heads” you said.

“I hope so”

With his face still ingrained on your mind, you turned around and left.

#armin arlert #armin x reader #armin x you #armin fanfiction #aot x reader #you're a commieeeeee #fuck us liberalism

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peachymilkandcream · 4 months

Text

Someone To Love|Part 3|Reiner x Jealous Reader

(A/N: I hope you guys have been enjoying this series, not writing Yandere does feel a little unfamiliar I'm not going to lie. But I'm enjoying it to be honest. Like I said I don't know how long this series will be but I am enjoying writing it. Comment to be added to the taglist!)

WARNINGS: implied nsfw, depression, attempted suicide, violence, general angst, slowburn, lowkey love triangle with a happy ending, not a warning but Reiner calls you nicknames instead of y/n (because I personally can't stand it)

=============================================

It all could've gone so well, Reiner could have gone through a bit of sadness and heartache but eventually heal, ready to move on with his life.

But then she returned.

She saw Evelyn walking with Reiner, strutting around like she had always been from Marley, her new Warrior uniform matching that mentality. The way she carried herself felt like they were all less than her, she was set above all and should be worshipped as such.

She couldn't deny that Evelyn was beautiful, probably more than she. But who cared? At least she was truly on Reiner's side, this girl originated from Paradis, the island of devils. She was the enemy, a devil. They were all devils, she deserved to be in hell with all those other ones. How could Reiner be in love with a woman who caused their people so much pain and suffering?

Those thoughts kept her fuming, jealousy burning in her heart. Couldn't he see he was being used? Why wasn't this woman in prison? Paying for the crimes she undoubtedly committed which caused all Eldians to be set back hundreds of years.

"Hey kid, I want you to meet Evelyn, the friend I was telling you about." The amount of boyish glee in his face made her stomach turn, his crush burning bright in him.

"Nice to meet you-" She forced out, the other woman's stare so intense she couldn't help but feel a pang of insecurity the feeling of being inadequate.

"A pleasure." Evelyn states, her smile void from her face. Her whole countenance oozing authority , this was a military woman.

"I'm taking her around Liberio, showing her the sights, making her feel welcome, y'know?"

She swallows. "Yeah- for sure- uhm- can I? Talk to you for a second Reiner?"

"Yeah no sweat, do you mind just waiting here Evelyn? This should only take a second."

With Evelyn's consent the two walk a few steps away so that they can speak privately.

"Reiner I thought you said she was from Paradis, what is an island devil doing here?"

Now he frowns. "She's not a devil, she's had a hard time of it and I'm just trying to help her out."

"While she helps our people's few rights to be stripped away?"

"Look, you don't understand. Evelyn deserted to come here, that- that bastard- what he did to her-"

"What are you talking about?"

"Levi- the sick fuck tricked her into marrying him, beat, used her- and then got her pregnant against her will- She ran from him kid, you have to understand."

She didn't say what was on her mind, but clearly he was being used. How could no one see that the bitch was lying about all of it and using him for free shelter and food? "How do you know she's not a spy?"

Anger flashes on his face, she'd gone too far. "How could you even suggest that? This is my dear friend who I've been through thick and thin with. She asked for me specifically because there was no one else she could trust. Took an oath and got her red armband, she's a Warrior through and through like me."

"I didn't mean to offend-"

"Well you did. It disgusts me that you would look at a woman who's been beaten and raped and accuse her of threatening this country." He starts to march away.

"Reiner wait-"

"No! I don't want to hear your poison any longer! If you can't respect my friend by holding your nasty opinions to yourself, then I don't want anything to do with you."

"Reiner please, I'm sorry!"

"Leave me alone, I'll take Evelyn somewhere she can feel safe from judgmental assholes like you."

One to never keep her temper she fires back. "Fine then! See if I care! When you have a knife in your back because you trusted an Island Devil then don't expect to see me at your funeral!"

As Evelyn and Reiner retreat with an angry glare back she allows her temper to cool slightly, instant regret following. She shouldn't have yelled at him. Besides, maybe Evelyn was perfectly lovely and she judged everything based off of what she'd been told.

But she couldn't apologize, not yet. Reiner would need time to cool off, if she did it now he'd order her to never speak to him again. For now she'd buy her time. but make sure to act before it was too late for Reiner.

The unease in her stomach churned more.

#someone to love #aot x reader #reiner braun #reiner x reader #reiner smut #aot reiner #armoured titan #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #reiner x you #reiner x oc #reiner x y/n

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lostinthewiind · 6 months

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Brave Heart: Chapter Sixty-One

Attack on Titan

Rating: Mature

Warnings: sexual themes, death, gore, mature themes, extreme violence, body horror, blood, weapons, major character death, age-gap relationship

"Don't move! I'll shoot!"

Staring up at the trembling soldier at the top of the stairs who had a rifle pointed in her face, Vera almost laughed. It was clear this cadet had never fired a shot in his entire life and he wasn't about to start now.

"This area is under the authority of the Jaegerists. I can't allow you to-"

The cadet was cut off when Jean grabbed him hard by the front of his shirt. "Stand down, cadet. You idiots are doing this in Eren's name, aren't you? You want to stop us from saving his life?"

Nervous sweat dripped down the cadet's forehead. "No."

Pushing past the two, Connie ascended the remainder of the staircase to where the remaining armed Jaegerists were waiting. "Open all these cells right now!"

After explaining that they were no longer against the Jaegerists—and that they were all working toward the shared goal of Eren's survival—the cadets freed the droves of Military Police they had imprisoned.

Among them were Commandant Shadis and Commander Pyxis.

"Commander Pyxis," Armin greeted the well-respected man. "Are you okay?"

"Well, I haven't turned senile quite yet. But I've been better," Pyxis replied. "My drinking habit's catching up with me."

Vera didn't miss the sly reference to the fact that he had drank the tainted wine. She wasn't surprised though. By then, most of the higher-ups and important people behind the walls had.

Once Commander Pyxis had been filled in on the plan to fight alongside Eren and the Jaegerists in order to defeat the Marleyan forces, soldiers from all regiments rallied together for the cause.

"Everybody, listen up," Pyxis regarded the room of men and women before him. "We don't have enough ODM gear on hand to get all of you equipped. Outfitting all soldiers without black armbands is priority one. As for those of you who happily partook in our enemy's wine, you'll be with me. We're going to drive the invaders of Paradis back."

"Yes, sir!" the room chorused.

Vera took stock of how many soldiers standing around her were wearing black armbands and couldn't help but notice the parallels between them and the red armbands Marley forced Eldians to wear.

Once again, there was a divide.

Suiting up in the ODM gear she hadn't worn in well over four years, Vera felt a faint but familiar sensation as the cold metal of the contraption pressed against her lower back. Briefly, she wondered if she was about to face a heavy re-learning curve or if the movements that had been trained into the very fibres of her muscles remained.

"Did you miss it?" Armin approached Vera.

Vera tightened the straps of her harness and grabbed a rifle of her own. "I don't know if 'miss' is the right word," she answered. "It certainly feels right though, like I am supposed to wear this gear."

"It's been upgraded quite a bit since you've last worn it." Armin helped her secure her elbow and knee pads—one of the many new additions. "But it functions basically the same."

"A lot has been upgraded around here while I was gone. A lot has changed."

Armin sensed the change of tone, not that Vera had been trying particularly hard to hide it. "You're upset we're siding with Eren."

"No." Vera shook her head, and that much was true; at least in the sense that she wanted to do whatever it took to prevent Eren's death. "I just wish there was another way."

"I know. I do too," Armin said. "And I hope you know I'm not trying to excuse what he did to you. Eren had made a lot of mistakes. I just don't think he deserves to die for them."

"I don't either," Vera agreed. "I just wish his survival didn't mean the deaths of others."

A characteristically soft smile played at the corner of Armin's mouth. "You mean Reiner."

"I mean lots of people. Reiner, Pieck, Porco, Colt, Gabi, Falco. Even Zeke, to a certain extent." Vera's gaze shifted to the floor and she lowered her voice. "I know saying all of this makes me sound like a traitor. Maybe I'm just destined to be a middle-man, forever incapable of choosing a side. I wish I could dedicate my loyalty as fiercely and as un-wavering as you."

"I think that makes you a better soldier," Armin told her. "You're one of the few people in this war able to understand both sides; maybe the only person. That makes you invaluable."

Vera drew in a shaky breath. "You think so?"

"I do." Armin rested a calm but firm hand on her shoulder. "It means, whatever the outcome, a part of you will win."

Vera finally lifted her head and met Armin's gaze. "It also means a part of me will lose."

"After this, I think a part of everyone will lose."

Finally ready to depart, Vera and Armin joined the others and made their way to the roof of the capitol building. As soon as they did, they were hit face-first with a wave of pure destruction.

Above them, the five Marleyan airships were on fire, quickly gaining speed as they nose-dived toward the ground. Vera watched in shock as one by one they collided with the streets and buildings of Mitras and exploded into bright, blinding balls of fire and smoke.

"The gate to Shiganshina. They blocked it." Jean was the first to notice the suspiciously accurate place three of the five airships had crashed in.

"Zeke has destroyed Marley's aerial fleet." Yelena stood on the ledge of the building, arms spread wide as she basked in the turning tides of battle. Beyond her, the Beast Titan stood atop wall Sina, as menacing as the day Vera first laid eyes on him. "The moment has finally arrived. History is about to be written."

At the mere sight of the Beast Titan, Vera felt her muscles tense on instinct. Balling her hands into fists, she tried not to dwell too long on what Zeke had done to Levi. He didn't deserve to evoke this sort of reaction from her.

On the ground below, Eren's Titan was slowly but surely limping toward the Beast Titan. Behind him, the Armoured Titan was quickly approaching, but before it could catch up it was downed by a large projectile. Vera and the others had seen this tactic before, and as the Beast Titan grabbed for another handful of rubble to throw, it was clear to see it was working just as well now as it did in the past.

Chunks of concrete and splinters of wood took flight all around Mitras with every pebble Zeke threw. The city people once called home was quickly becoming nothing more than a battleground for the Titans.

"So, from what I can see, Eren's doing just fine," Connie remarked. "It's Reiner that needs help."

"What the hell?" Jean couldn't pry his eyes away from the Beast Titan. "Zeke's here. But how? Captain Levi wouldn't have released him for anything. There's no way!"

Vera hung her head. "He didn't release him."

Jean gasped. "But Levi ... Hange ... they aren't ... are they?"

Before Vera had the chance to assure her friends of Levi and Hange's survival, Yelena answered first. "I think this means we can assume Zeke defeated them. He promised to meet Eren here and so that's what he did. No one could have made him break his vow."

"They're not dead!" Vera roared, grabbing at the handle of her blade. "You Jaegerists tried to kill them, that much is true! You tried to kill me too. But just like me, they're both alive and well."

Armin, Mikasa, Jean, and Connie all breathed a sigh of relief. "You're sure they're not dead?" Jean confirmed.

"Positive. I was with them before I came back. They're both fine." Vera didn't feel like mentioning the severity of Levi's injuries; she didn't want to give Yelena the satisfaction.

Armin could sense the shift in emotions. "This doesn't change the situation." He tried to steer everyone back toward to task at hand. "Only Zeke and Eren can save the world right now. The sad fact is that we're out of options. We have to help the Jaegerists unite them!"

As Armin rallied his friends, Yelena approached him from behind. Her glare was intense, dark eyes piercing the back of his head. Sensing her presence, Armin slowly looked back over his shoulder and swallowed hard. Before anything got out of hand, however, Yelena's cold eyes softened and she smiled. "Please help Eren and Zeke the best you can. I trust you, Armin."

With that, the group of five took to the sky.

As soon as Vera felt the pull of her ODM tethers beckoning her toward the nearest building, muscle memory kicked in. With the advancements made over the years, she had to fine-tune her reactions a little to adapt to the smoother machinery, but in the end, it felt like she had never taken a break from using the gear at all.

With the wind in her hair once again, Vera felt a surge of adrenaline course through her veins. When she landed on a nearby rooftop to take cover from the flying Marleyan bullets, she felt as if a piece of her had been returned.

"It's no use. There's too many." Jean peered over the crest of the roof at the lines of enemy heads peeking up from the buildings across the street. "We can't get to Eren."

A couple of streets over, Eren's Titan continued to lumber its way in Zeke's direction.

In a flash, Porco's Jaw Titan bounced off the roof Vera and the others were camped out on. Bounding from building to building, it deftly made its way closer and closer to Eren. The Beast Titan put a stop to his pursuit swiftly with another well-aimed boulder.

"Eren, we're so close." The Beast Titan's voice echoed through Mitras. "A few more steps and we'll have made our dream come true. Just keep moving."

Then, in an unlikely turn of events, a sharp bang filled Vera's ears. When the Beast Titan doubled over after being hit in the nape of the neck, Vera followed the sound with her eyes to see what appeared to be the remains of the Cart Titan stationed farther along wall Sina. Loaded onto the back of the Titan's skeleton was the infamous Panzer Unit's artillery.

Vera watched with wide eyes and bated breath as the Beast Titan toppled over the edge of the wall and sped toward the ground. The impact was heard throughout the entirety of the area encompassed by wall Sina.

Still, Eren's Titan limped on. Nothing was going to stop him in his pursuit to reach Zeke, not even when the Jaw Titan sunk its teeth into his calf. With hardened, crystallized fists, Eren pounded the Jaw Titan into oblivion.

Then the second shot came, and it pierced Eren's Titan right through the head.

"The Cart Titan is still up!" Armin pointed to the top of the wall where Pieck and her Panzer Unit had regrouped. "We can't win this fight unless we deal with her."

As potshots littered the rooftop around them, the five scouts took to the air once more. Unless they dealt with the Marleyan soldiers first, they'd never make it to the Cart Titan.

"Circle around them!" Pyxis commanded from the ground. He and his remaining soldiers—all who were wearing black armbands—charged on horseback. "We'll strike the enemy from behind!"

"I think Pyxis has the right idea," Armin said after they had landed a few more buildings away. "We don't have enough firepower to risk a full frontal assault. We need to attack them from the rear."

As her friends stepped off the roof and took flight toward the houses where the Marleyan soldiers were taking cover, something out of the corner of Vera's eye caught her attention and she froze in place.

In the distance, the Beast Titan was beginning to sit up. There was a large chunk of exposed muscle in the back of its neck where the Panzer Unit's shot had hit, but it hadn't been enough to down Zeke completely.

Rising up just enough to prove to everyone that the fight was far from over, Zeke surveyed the landscape around him. The Armoured Titan was pinning Eren's Titan to the ground. The Jaw Titan was lying lifeless in the middle of the street. Colt was standing before him, pleading for his brother's life.

Vera looked down at Falco. The boy was shaking as his big brother's grip tightened on his forearm. She could remember a time when she hated his guts, watching him in the aftermath of Sasha's death. She could also remember a time she felt sympathy for him, when he had gotten some of the tainted wine in his mouth.

Falco, just like Gabi, was a product of the environment he grew up in. All he had known his whole life was hate, prejudice, and fear. Now, he was going to die believing that was the only way to live.

Zeke took one look at the mess around him—at how the tides of war had turned against his favour so suddenly—and realization sparked in the Titan's dark eyes. He looked down at Colt and Falco and then back up at Eren.

Vera swore she heard the Beast Titan mutter, "I'm sorry."

Then he screamed.

Vera dropped to her knees as the sheer force of the call rumbled the very earth. A gust of wind unlike anything nature could ever conjure blew through Mitras. When she finally found the strength to open her eyes against it, her senses were once again assaulted by columns of blinding light bursting into the sky all around her.

Everyone infected with Zeke's spinal fluid was turning into a Titan.

When the dust had settled, covering Mitras in a thick blanket of fog, Vera felt her heart still at the number of Titan heads poking up between the buildings. By the time her eyes had adjusted, the Armoured Titan was now fighting against Eren's Titan and Falco's Titan.

Falco's Titan was tall and lanky, with an abnormally long neck, round head, and wide smile. He still possessed so many child-like features, even as a monster.

As Reiner pinned Eren to the ground, Falco climbed on top and bit into the Armoured Titan's nape.

Then there was another shot. The Panzer Unit fired at Zeke's nape once more, putting him down for good this time. As they lined up their next shot at Eren, the artillery strapped to the Cart Titan's back exploded.

From the black smoke, Armin emerged. It was then that Vera realized she had been so caught up in observing the carnage around her that she had fallen behind.

Mikasa followed soon after, cutting down the Panzer Unit soldiers.

Vera's mind screamed at her to join the fight like she had come back to do—the reason why she had left Levi's side of her own volition—but her boots remained glued to the shingles beneath her. All she could do was watch as the two warring parts of her very being fought for their lives in front of her eyes.

As the Beast Titan's corpse wasted away, implying that the Founding Titan's powers couldn't be used right then, The Armoured Titan stilled. It no longer felt the need to stop Eren or ward off Falco. Reiner had given up fighting.

Vera knew in that moment what he was thinking. She didn't even need to see his human face; his yellow Titan eyes showed more than enough emotion. If he gave in and let Falco's Titan continue biting at the nape of his neck, he could pass the Armoured Titan along.

He would sacrifice himself to save Falco.

Vera knew all she had to do was call out and that the sound of her voice would be enough to convince Reiner to fight the urge to give in. He would always fight if she told him to. He would always fight for her. But in the end, he needed to fight for himself.

So Vera kept her mouth shut. If he had decided this was how he wanted to go out, she would respect his choice.

Bit by bit, the armour protecting Reiner's neck began to crumble beneath the force of Falco's teeth. As Falco's Titan opened its mouth to take one final bite, something caught its attention and it suddenly lifted its head to inspect the distraction in the street.

Surrounded by smoke and steam, with fresh blood running down the right side of his face, Porco stood in front of the skeletal remains of the Jaw Titan. Arms swaying at his sides, he willingly offered himself up as bait to save his fellow warrior.

As Falco's Titan lunged for the easier target, Porco grinned.

Vera felt a tear slide down her cheek as Porco's body slid down the Titan's throat. Eventually, someone would have to tell Natalie how the man she loved had died. She hoped they remembered to include the fact that he was smiling.

Fueled with rage, the Armoured Titan popped up and punched Eren's Titan square in the face. As soon as Reiner's fist snapped past Eren's teeth and into his mouth, Eren's Titan hardened its entire body, trapping the Armoured Titan's forearm. With Reiner stuck in place, Eren popped out of the crystallized shell and sprinted down the street toward the remains of the Beast Titan. Somewhere among the bones, Zeke had pulled a fast one on everyone and managed to stay alive.

The plan was still possible.

Before the Armoured Titan could catch Eren with its free hand, two thunderspears shot down from the sky. One pierced the Titan's hand while the other hit him in the side of the head.

Connie and Jean had joined the fight. And yet, Vera remained on the rooftop, hair gently blowing in the wind. Her eyes darted between the Armoured Titan and her friends. Up. Down. She was at war with herself. Heart. Mind.

Just meters away from Zeke now, Eren kept his eyes focused on the finish line in front of him. Just like always, he was steadfast in his determination. It was one of Eren's biggest strengths. However, it was also one of Eren's greatest weaknesses.

After all, Eren's laser focus was probably why he didn't see Gabi pointing the anti-Titan rifle at him until it was too late. By the time his green eyes were staring down the barrel of the gun, Gabi had already pulled the trigger.

The force of the blast was so great the sound was nearly deafening.

The force of the blast was so great it sent Gabi flying backward, skidding along the road.

The force of the blast was so great it shot Eren's head clean off his body.

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melishade · 6 months

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what if Optimus appeared during Willy’s declaration of war and saw the start the battle of libreio which side will he help?

I am sorry this took so long to respond. I’ve been working on other projects. But I gotta say this is a really interesting ask. Because it’s an alliance with Marley with much more drama and stakes.

So Optimus gets dropped immediately after Eren kills Willy, but he’s still a great distance away from the actual fight in Liberio. But he hears screaming and panic, and from a distance, he sees Eren’s titan form skewered high in the sky. He immediately transforms and drives towards the danger. He sees the humans are in danger. There are dead humans everywhere. And Optimus is devastated that he can’t do much to protect them now. But he sees carts of military units getting bombed and immediately tries to act. Optimus sees the two gate guards trying to tell Gabi to run. Optimus sees Sasha ready to gun them down, and Optimus immediately transforms and shields them from the attack.

Sasha is immediately unnerved and calls to her comrades to run to the battlefield and warn the others, but she and Connie still hastily set up the lights so they can have an escape plan. Meanwhile, Gabi and the other two are stunned at the sight as Optimus sits up fully and asks if they are alright. They are all in shock at the fact that Optimus can speak so clearly, and Gabi almost mistaken him for Reiner, but Optimus doesn’t notice and just asks what’s going on. One of the guards explains that the devils of Paradis have attacked and are killing civilians. They point to where the battle is taking place and Optimus tells them to get to safety before transforming and driving towards the battlefield. Gabi uses this opportunity to run after him, causing the guards to follow and try and get her.

When Optimus approaches he’s stunned. He sees humans flying around like spidermen. He sees Pieck, Porco, and Zeke on the offensive. He sees Eren holding a human encased in crystals. He can’t tell who the enemy is. There was so much happening. He hear Magath barking out orders. He’s trying to figure it out, he can’t make the wrong mistake. But suddenly, everyone is met with the sight of an explosion. Armin has activated the powers of the Colossal Titan and took out the port. Optimus sees the Cart incapacities and the Beast getting taken out, and Eren is ready to use Porco as a nutcracker to kill Lara. That’s when Optimus decides to act.

Now because Optimus doesn’t have the full context of the situation and he and Eren are not allies, Optimus shoots off Eren’s arm, forcing him to drop Porco and Lara. And because energon is toxic to humans, Eren is screaming out in agony, causing everyone to cover their ears in pain, including Optimus. Mikasa cuts Eren out, but she’s mortified to see his right arm starting to decay. She quickly cuts off what remains to save Eren’s life and the Survey Corps are forced to retreat in a hurry, without securing the War Hammer.

Optimus is mortified at what he’s done. He didn’t realize he harmed a human. He sees the blimp and aims his blaster at it, but he can’t will himself to shoot and let’s them flee, something that Armin himself notices as he helps an injured and crying Eren. Optimus is then met with hostile Marleyans who are aiming their weapons at him out of fear. Porco is too weak to do anything, and Reiner is still out of commission. Optimus raised his servos in surrender, but Gabi ends up arriving and coming to Optimus’ aid, saying he just saved her life. Optimus then hears crying under the rubble and sees a child pinned by gravel. He ignores the weapons aimed at him and immediately digs him out, noticing the armband on his sleeve. Optimus begs the others to help him dig out survivors. They are all stunned as Optimus continues to work, but Magath tells the others to dig and fast.

Meanwhile, the Survey Corps still have Zeke, but Eren can’t regenerate his arm and he’s still in pain. And they all can’t help but be terrified. Their chances at survival had just significantly decreased.

So some notes for this timeline (I don’t have a name yet):

-Optimus is immediately imprisoned by Lara after he aids in helping the humans out of the rubble. The Marleyans can’t trust this new Titan, they don’t know what he is. The news headline does include him and how he saved the War Hammer Titan, but they don’t include how he did it. Because Magath and Pieck realize that Optimus has the power to not just kill the titans in one shot, but also has the ability to stop regeneration. What happens after the Founding Titan is eliminated? Would Optimus turn on them?

-Optimus did help reduce the causality count through his efforts. And he does let himself be imprisoned and chooses not to break out. However he still notices that something is wrong. The snide remarks directed at him, calling him a devil. The armbands on some of the humans, the language. He knew that something was wrong. He hasn’t received the full context of the situation and is concerned.

-The Survey Corps and the island are terrified of this new Titan. Eren is treated for his wounds but he is still thrown into prison for his inaction. And because of his failure to capture the War Hammer Titan, he doesn’t get the same amount of support from the public as he would have. They still took out the port but Marley appeared to have two new titans. And because of Eren’s injury, the calls for Eren being transferred over to another grows stronger. Zeke is still imprisoned in the forest, and he’s worried at Eren and his plan.

-Lara does come to Optimus and apologize for imprisoning him, but she thanks him for saving her life.

-Armin still doesn’t know what to make of Optimus’ hesitance to shoot them down. He knows he had the power to. Why did Optimus choose not to?

-Megatron still gets shot through the groundbridge in the Purpose OVA and actually ends up being an ally to the island when he realizes that Optimus is here but he’s clearly being deceived or having information withheld from him.

-Also, Sasha is still alive because of Optimus’ actions, but Gabi and Falco don’t go to the island. Also Reiner is so confused as to what’s going on when he recovers.

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dearbraus · 8 months

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my thoughts on the aot finale down below. don't click if you dont want to be spoiled!

this was a beautifully harrowing finale. the animation and the cinematography was astounding. truly i was blown away. mappa truly outdid themselves with some of the sequences and absolutely nailed isayama's usage of shifting appearances depending on whos perspective we were seeing and how eren's personhood and identity matched the eren we meet in s1 and not the eren we meet in s4 (will elaborate further down). the music and voice acting were superb. the agony in their voices sent chills down my spine and armin's harrowed screams as he sees eren's decapitated head will forever haunt me.

now onto the actual plot. I loved the original scenes that were incorporated (that line up with the volume 35 cover imo). i think it was far more cohesive to show levi, gabi, falco, yelena, and onyankopon with the newly created encampments, planting trees, and helping rebuild the world beyond paradis. in my opinion it did not make sense to jump so far ahead to where the cities were rebuilt and it was frankly too idealistic when the scene before that was the peace ambassadors discussing the state of paradis. additionally, i really enjoyed seeing historia's life and more of post-war paradis. it is heartbreaking to see how lifeless she is as queen though it makes sense considering she has no real power and is a pawn. seeing her and her daughter together was sweet and i'm glad she at least has the farm and a family to go home to.

i know seeing hitch yawn during the yeagerists rally was meant to be comedic but it is really sort of sad if you think about it. she clearly has no interest in the new military but has stuck with them for her own personal safety. seeing sasha's family and niccolo give dirty looks was golden and perfectly surmises the hypocrisy of the new military. sasha's family lost sasha, they knew of pain and hardship, they knew all that sasha sacrificed as a scout and now paradis is being led by a group of bozos who have never actually engaged in combat? yeah they deserved more than dirty looks. it's actually very sweet though that niccolo stayed with them, whilst i don't like the ship, i think its a very beautiful display of found family.

whew okay. now ... the plot. i wish we could have seen the others (reiner, jean, connie, annie, levi (?)) speak with eren in paths. that disappointed me. i know it isn't as relevant as mikasa and armin with eren in paths however i feel there is so much missing and seeing what he said to them could have filled in those blanks. paradoxically, i am glad we didn't see anything more since fans are still confused and disappointed in eren's death even though i felt his speech with armin made it very clear. it was ymir the founder's will to do the rumbling, it was her twisted bastardization of freedom that forced eren to do what he did because she was attached to him and mikasa. this perversion of freedom took away eren's choice because he was bound by destiny no matter what he did, so he blames himself due to the anger he felt for marley (and the rest of the worlds) hatred for paradis, eldia, and eldian's. armin takes partial ownership of eren's mistake because of their share childhood dreams, he gave eren his first taste of freedom, showed him a world beyond the walls with no violence, and no one else so ergo, the disappointment he felt was due to armin. and while the semantics do not matter when it was ymir the founder who caused the rumbling, this moment was meant to show how deep eren and armin's love for one another goes. they will be together, always, even if that means meeting each other again in hell. they have done everything together, they have shaped each other since childhood, idea's and beliefs don't exist in a vacuum and if that means armin blaming himself too so that eren can rest peacefully, then he'll do it.

i think a lot of people don't realize at the end of the day eren was powerless to ymir's will. and that is the point of the show. you cannot fight destiny, and you cannot have want you want (eren wants to be free, live, and be with mikasa//he dies an unwilling soldier to ymir's will.) (mikasa wants a life with eren//he dies before they could truly ever begin something) (ymir wanted to build a real life with historia but she sacrificed herself because she was living on borrowed time anyway).

speaking of ymir. i love the parallels to armin that we see. they both recognize that they have stolen someone else's life and power. ymir didn't feel the guilt until she realized there were things worth living for and that marcel had so much to live for. armin, however, spends five years filled with such guilt over stealing bertholdt's live, power, memories, wants, desires etc. i thought this was interesting. i think the idea of living on borrowed time is also why eren was willing to sacrifice himself in spite of how badly he wanted to live. he didn't want anyone to be burdened with living on borrowed time (realizing this after he saved armin, however, he'd save armin over and over again because he loves him).

i became very emotional seeing connie and jean wrap their arms around one another as they become titans and then connie joking one last time saying, "it was all your fault jean we joined because of you" knowing that his drive would have always led him to the scouts anyway. i also loved that they kept reaffirming their identity as scouts, it was very heartfilled and shows that their beliefs will never die even after the regiment collapses. erwin and hange's wishes will never die because they will keep living and fighting to fulfil them (arguably they did fulfil them by killing eren and eradicating the titans however, its sort of unspoken that there was so much more to do but the torch needed to be passed for armin for that to happen). now onto their clothing. eren grows his hair out in s4 and begins to look a lot like his father. he used to have his mother's eye shape and in spite of having his fathers colouring, he was carla's son. he was never grisha's son, that was her boy not his. but as he aged he turned into his father. symbolically i would say its because he mirrored his fathers previous desires to rise against marley however i do think this change is occurred because eren didn't recognize himself. when he appears to mikasa in the cabin, his hair his short, his eyes are softer, and he's wearing the same kind of clothing he used to. he became himself once more, he became the person they both knew. mikasa wears the clothing she wore as a child and continued to wear even after eren died. i think this was done to symbolize that they will always be connected to one another because their are parts of them that will always belong to one another. later we see eren and armin as children again, they talk for a while and grow up together. this image is a strong one. i think it was done to remind the audience and armin that the eren he grew up with was still there, he just had to hide himself literally and figuratively. armin says he can't believe eren would say something so pathetic and it takes him a moment to remind himself that eren hasn't changed, he is still the idiot hot head he loved so dearly. and while they've both changed, and cannot go back to the boys they once were, those boys will always exist inside of them. and that is beautiful :( also! the fight against the titans ymir was controlling! i think that reaffirms that how the eldian's in a way are slaves to ymir's will. their titans and likeness are being manipulated to fight by ymir the founder while they exist in paths watching it happen and being unable to stop it. she makes them complicit in her crimes until zeke uses his royal blood to stop it. its a very interesting dynamic that i still need to think on. while i don't blame ymir for acting out it is very gut wrenching. all she knows is violence despite craving connection (hence how all eldian's are connected in paths). it was very touching seeing ymir, porco, marcel, eren kruger, grisha, and bertoldt fight alongside the scouts. pieck crying because poroco was fighting alongside her, god my heart melted. she hardly got to mourn him before having to fight against his likeness, feeling betrayed even though it wasn't him. in a way it was one last act of freedom.

oh ... and levi's face when he finally killed zeke. he spent five years waiting to avenge erwin, spent five years having to play nice, his body was torn apart because of zeke. finally killing zeke didn't make levi feel better, he knew it wasn't going to bring erwin back but it could have felt satisfying but it wasn't. it was sad, and unfulfilling not because zeke allowed it to happen but because senseless violence will never make grief go away.

overall i think while this was a very gut wrenching end, it was beautiful and there will always be something new to discuss about this show. i will never stop talking about how truly amazing aot is!!!! but i wish i could rewatch it again for the first time and have that same feeling of wonderment all over again.

#fawn talks meta #this is incoherent im sorry #needed to get all the worms outta my head !!!#aot spoilers

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ghostofacrow · 7 months

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i watched the Somerton RGU video and I'm assuming this one isn't plagiarised besides the wikipedia synopsys because I don't think the person who wrote it liked Utena, he keeps joking about how weird the show is and spends half the video trying to pick apart what's real and what is a metaphor and says he dislikes the movie because it blurs the line between reality and the metaphorical events more.

That's not how fiction works! Ohtori academy is definitively real in the show, it's even what Somerton treats as the baseline reality - it's still a metaphor!! For patriarchy or gendered society or just for adolescence in general, the things that are real in the show still mean something. Fictional events aren't either a metaphor or definitively real, this is some dream theory ass analysis and especially with something like Utena that deals so much in symbolism this is such a useless approach and it takes up the bulk of the video. "Do they actually have sword fights or not?" is possibly the least interesting angle you could take here.

Knowing that every time he had a good thought, it wasn't his, really makes me question if he is actually capable of meaningful media analysis that goes beyond 1:1 mapping elements of a movie onto real life (by real life I mean the experience of a white cis gay man). Genuinely does he know what symbolism is?

Then I remembered a clip from the Attack on Titan video where his main argument for why the Eldians aren't a metaphor for jewish people in ww2 is that there are some aspects of the story that don't match real life exactly but. They're marked with stars. There's an obvious ghetto. Everyone has german names in this japanese story. The general look of all the technology clearly say ww2 era. The idea that a story can use this many specific signifiers of a very narrow time and place but because there are some elements that don't match reality exactly, it's actually not about that history is so weird.

So I went to look up the clip and, of course, he is also wrong about the history, most of the things he list that didn't happen in WW2 did actually happen. Honorary Aryans were a thing. There's even direct examples of people of jewish descent (like Helmuth Wilberg) earning honorary aryan status through military service, the thing Somerton confidently claims didn't happen.

There wasn't a crack special forces unit in the Nazi military made up of Jews but the Sonderkommandos are a well documented historical fact. A lot of the day to day operation of the death camps was handled by prisoners who were forced into that position and they were killed and replaced on schedule.

He gets confused about what Paradis is because surely it must stand in for exactly one real historical thing or the whole allegory is fake and claims it's not a ghetto because there is a literal ghetto later in the story. He even admits that it might be Israel but "jewish exile island" is also literally the Madagascar Plan, the only reason this didn't happen was the logistic issues of moving thousands of people halfway across the world while under a naval blockade.

There's so much you can argue about how Attack on Titan uses it's historical elements (and personally I think it uses all of this very carelessly), but denying that they are there because there wasn't a jewish exile island irl is so stupid. I started out just being confused about the RGU analysis and just wanted to get a backup argument but what I actually found is Holocaust disinformation and it feels both wrong to tag this onto the "Somerton doesn't understand what a metaphor is" post but I also don't want to ignore it so here it is. Fuck this guy seriously

#james somerton #long post #this was supposed to be about rgu but #cw Holocaust

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roseofdarknessblog · 1 year

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A Warrior’s heart (Marcel Galliard x Reader) » Part VI

Word count: 2 254

Disclaimer: english is not my first language, I apologize in advance for any mistakes

Info: canon AU where Marcel didn’t die; also the reader is an Eldian Warrior from Marley but not a Titan Shifter

PART I / PART II / PART III / PART IV / PART V

A Warrior’s heart (Part VI)

„The guards told me you haven’t been eating anything,“ said Commander Magath when he stopped at your cell. His eyes looked you over very carefully as if it was your first encounter ever. Or as if he forgot who you were and what you looked like in just three days. „You want to collapse right there in front of the court?“

„No need to worry about that,“ you muttered, pulling your knees even closer to your chest. Laying and sitting on the prison bed felt like torture, but you didn’t have anywhere else to go. „I’m just not hungry. And the food is disgusting.“ You tried it because getting weak and potentially sick could cause you more problems. But you almost threw up after the first few bites, so you decided to stay away from everything they brought you.

„Are you willing to talk to me?“

His question surprised you. Were you really in a position to decline an offer like that? „Yes, Commander,“ you answered him, closing your eyes for a second.

He called one of the guards to open your cell and let him inside. Commander Magath carefully walked towards you, looked you over one last time, and sat down right next to you. His sudden closeness startled you a little, but you didn’t move away from him.

„For now, you were deprived of your status of an honorary Marleyan. But only you, your sister can still receive the best medical care as if she was a Marleyan.“

You nodded, feeling like you could finally breathe for the first time in the last three years. The tears you cried weren’t for your lost status. But for your family. You feared the worst because nobody told you anything about them. You didn’t even know if they were informed about your return from Paradis.

„Thank you, I’m really grateful,“ you said quietly, resting your chin on your knees. Your whole body was in pain that was worsening by the minute. Everything hurt so bad... even breathing and thinking. And mostly overthinking every little detail of your life. Everything that led you to this moment. Into this cell. „Do they know I am here? Back in Marley?“

„Yes, they were informed the day of your return. And they also know that you’re awaiting a trial at the Military Court.“

You nodded again, taking a deep breath through your nose and holding it in for a short while. It was hard, almost impossible to fall or stay asleep. Nightmares were haunting you every time you closed your eyes. When you finally fell asleep, you woke up in a cold sweat and with tears in your eyes, desperately searching for Marcel. But he was never by your side. The bed was so cold without him laying next to you, the mattress hard and uncomfortable.

Nobody told you what happened to the other Warriors. But since they weren’t here, you hoped all of them returned home. Mainly Marcel and Reiner, since Zeke and Pieck had almost nothing to do with your mission. It would be really cruel to blame them for your failure. If it wasn’t for them, none of you would’ve made it back home.

„I visited them yesterday, they are doing okay. But are really worried about you.“ A desperate smile made its way to your lips. You wanted to ask him so many questions about your mother and sister but didn’t dare to do it. It would unnecessarily hurt you even more. „You can see them after court.“

„Even if I’ll be officially found guilty?“ He nodded shortly, resting his elbows on his knees and fixing his gaze on his boots. „Thank you.“

The whole conversation felt forced, but for some reason, it didn’t seem like he was about to leave you alone once again. He came to say something but didn’t get to it just yet. So you waited. For many long, awkwardly quiet minutes. Your left hand found its way to the silver heart locket around your neck and squeezed it carefully, but also hard enough to sense the comforting cold feeling in your palm.

„Hurting you or the other Warriors was never my intention,“ he said finally, clenching his hands into fists. He was visibly struggling with his words but still felt it necessary to say them out loud. „I did believe in all of you.“

„Why was it necessary to send a bunch of kids on a mission like that?“ you asked openly, suddenly feeling no fear. You were already behind bars, what worse could happen? „Marley has a huge army full of better trained and surely more capable men or women. Why did you choose to use kids for something like this? Can you even imagine what we all went through?“

„We trained all of you since you were five or six years old. The army was the only thing you knew for so many years. All of you lived to serve Marley and get something in return. Something special and very valuable.“

„That’s not the right answer, Commander.“

„And what do you want me to say, Y/N?“ Hearing your first name from his mouth sounded weird, almost a bit terrifying. He never did that, almost no one in the military did that. They kept using your last name, for it sounded more professional. The army never saw you as kids who needed some special treatment.

„I don’t know. Maybe... maybe I’m waiting for an apology.“ His quiet laugh made you flinch a bit. Did you ever hear him laugh before? „You ruined us all. Bertholdt is dead, and Annie may be too. The others have a few years left to live. And I don’t even recognize myself in the mirror anymore because of all the things that Marley made me do. Maybe it wasn’t me who breached the Walls, but I was there. I saw those people dying, I heard them screaming when they were getting eaten by the Titans... by people like me, who you sent to Paradis.“

Even if you didn’t eat anything for the last three days, the urge to throw up was growing stronger with every passing second.

„How do you expect us to live with what we’ve done? Yes, Marcel and Reiner maybe hide their feeling better than I do, but they are just as broken, Commander.“

Some days it was only Marcel who could keep you sane. His presence in your life, the love he made you feel with every word or every touch. But on other days even his best attempts weren’t enough. Since the battle in Trost a few months back, you could feel your mind drift to dark places more and more often. You were slowly but surely losing touch with reality. And sometimes not even Marcel was able to lure you back from the darkest places in your mind and soul.

Not when you didn’t know who you really were and where your loyalty lay.

And not when he was struggling as well.

Marcel tried to hide it, but there were moments you saw the mask slip off his face and reveal his true feelings. He was losing it, too. Just like all of you at some point. Because after all... you all were just ordinary people. Individuals with their own beliefs and coping mechanisms.

„You know, Commander... there are no good or bad Eldians. In the end, we are all the same.“ It’s just the environment all of us grew up in. The government we were taught to obey and listen to. That made us different. But nothing else. People from Paradis were the same as people here in the internment zone. Many of them even better. „It’s a shame we had to learn it the hard way.“

„You can’t...“

Your laugh surprised him even more than your words. „Don’t worry, sir. I am not planning to spread these kinds of words outside this cell. All I ever wanted was to protect my family and save my sister. And I am still determined to do everything in my power to keep them safe.“

„All those years of training you did your very best. I saw that every single day and heard you cry many times when you thought no one was close by. But inheriting a Titan simply wasn’t for you, that kind of power needed someone else.“ You nodded in agreement. He was right and you knew for many years now. And after all, you got what you were trying so hard to accomplish even without inheriting one of the Titans. You became an honorary Marleyan and got your family the help they needed. That was all that mattered. „But you had other important and very promising qualities. That is why I gave you a chance. I believed, that you will be the one to lead the Warriors to success on Paradis. Marcel was never meant to be the leader, that place was meant for you.“

„What?“ you asked in utter shock, nervously pulling on the loose strands of your hair. „What are you talking about?“

„I wanted you to be the leader. But not everybody agreed, and my reasons didn’t stand a chance in front of the other officers responsible for the Paradis mission. I wasn’t able to convince them. They thought that Marcel was a better fit for such an important role.“

„What made you think that I would be a good leader?“

You were barely twelve years old back then. Marcel was a bit older, but still. He had the personality of a leader. All of you listened to him and respected his decisions naturally. You could never achieve that. Nobody would have listened to you. Merely because you simply wouldn’t know what to do.

You were a good and loyal follower. But would be surely a shitty leader.

„Your will and determination seemed much stronger. And you had a much longer life ahead of you than the other Warriors. That should have served as a good enough motivation.“

„Well, it didn’t,“ you uttered and slowly stood up, stretching your legs. The damned cell was too small to even walk around. All you could do was sit in one spot and overthink everything for the millionth time. „Next time you should think it through better, Commander. And not put so much hope in a kid, that barely knew what this cruel world was really about.“

You waited for his response, but it never came. Magath stayed quiet for a long time before he finally stood up, and reached for your shoulder. It scared you, but you didn’t pull away. Quiet the opposite. You looked over your shoulder and right into his eyes. It felt like an eternity until he finally looked away, squeezed your shoulder, and called for the guard who let him out again.

„Make sure you eat something today,“ he murmured while slowly walking away, not looking in your direction anymore.

It took you a while until you sat back down, pulled your knees to your chest, bowed your head, and closed your eyes. Your eyelids felt so heavy all of a sudden. Sleep was lurking somewhere near, you could sense it. But when you lay down and pulled the thin blanket over your exhausted body and head, memories came flashing back. All of them at once. Every horrible thing you’ve done to the people who never harmed you in any way.

Despite everything you fell asleep after a short while. Only for about two hours, but it was still something. After waking up, you felt at least a little bit better. But still, your first instinct after opening your eyes was searching for Marcel. You hoped he would miraculously appear right there next to you, so you could wake up in the warmth of his embrace.

But Marcel wasn’t there. His beautiful golden eyes and handsome face weren’t the first things you saw. It was the old cement wall of the holding cell. His sweet kisses didn’t help you wake up and snap back to reality. His fingers weren’t entangled in your hair, and his body wasn’t pressed against yours.

Commander Magath’s visit felt like it happened in a different reality. Maybe it did. Maybe he never bothered to come and talk to you. Why would he? Compared to him, you were nothing. Simply no one. Not a person whose life would really matter.

You rubbed your eyes sleepily and turned around, looking at the ceiling. Not eating anything was starting to take its toll. You felt nauseous and dizzy, and even your arms were almost too weak when you tried to push yourself up to a sitting position. Leaning against the wall, you close your eyes once more, naively trying to fight sleep.

In the end, your head found itself back on the pillow. Sleeping seemed to be the best way to pass time. Mainly because you wanted to avoid dinner time and stop your brain from wandering to the darkest, most hopeless places. Nightmares chased after you during the whole night, you woke in a cold sweat a couple of times, but fell back asleep every time.

When you woke up in the morning, a tray with breakfast was waiting for you on the ground right in front of your bed. And it looked much more appetizing than anything they've brought you before.

It almost looked like someone put in a word for you and finally granted you food, that didn’t make you throw up even before you tasted it.

To be continued...

PART VII

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