#minus chad. he's not that big. but STILL

[ybcpatrick]

this match rn

[joeys-babe]

Joey B Imagines: You’re My Best Friend

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Summary: You and Joe have been best friends for as long as you both can remember, but maybe it’s more than friendship.

Warnings: fluff

Pairing: Joe Burrow x reader

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*No specific date for this fic!*

Imagine getting dumped a week before your birthday.

Lucky me I don't have to imagine.

I was stupid to think things had been going even a little good with the guy I was seeing but I just wanted to prove my best friend wrong.

My best friend since diapers that is.

Having Joe Burrow as your best friend should be a flex but it was a curse.

We couldn't go out in public anymore and I stopped going to his games since his rookie year because of a rumor that I was his girlfriend.

Joe was super apologetic about it but refused to make a statement saying that we weren't together.

It ended up being a huge argument that wouldn't be resolved til weeks later… but now Joe and I were neck-deep into another quarrel.

My friend from high school told me that my ex-boyfriend from senior year had a mega glow-up. I reached out to him and though he had matured looks-wise… he was still the same douche he was years ago.

I was bored so why not entertain it for just a little bit?

That was a big mistake because I ended up developing real feelings for him.

That's when Joe and I had our argument.

He told me that it was a bad idea, but I told him he didn't know what was good for me. Both of us ended up saying words we wish we hadn't. Now Joe and I haven't talked for three weeks.

Our families would get together regularly but if Joe found out I was going he'd say he was busy, and vice versa.

Today was my 26th birthday, oh and that's another thing about Joe. He loved bringing up that he was older than me.

I had invited him to the party today even though we were in the middle of a fight because it wouldn't be the same without him nonetheless.

Joe hadn't sent a message back or even reacted to the message, just left it on read.

There was a pretty low chance of him even coming, but I wanted him to have the option to come if he wanted.

——

I sat in the kitchen, looking through the window over the sink at the backyard decorated and full of people.

Except the one person I wanted here, wasn't here.

“Sweetie…” - your mom walked up behind you and squeezed your shoulder

“He actually didn't come, Mom. Joe hasn't ever missed one of my birthday parties. Have I gone too far?” - you

“You haven't done anything wrong, honey. Have you told him about Chad breaking up with you? That might make him a little happy.” - your mom

“Why’d that make him happy?” - you rolled your eyes

“y/n… because he didn't want you guys together for a reason.” - your mom smiled

“He just didn't like Chad.” - you sighed

“I don’t think you're reading into this enough. I've seen the way you guys look at each other, and it's not in a best-friend way. Don't you think it's kinda odd he’s always gotten mad when you go on a date with a guy or get a boyfriend? There's something there that isn't purely platonic, and it's not one-sided either, y/n. I think he feels the same way about you that you feel about him.” - your mom

The way I feel about him.

The feelings that had slowly turned from friendship to finding him attractive to having a full-blown crush on him. It didn't happen in just a month or even a year, this has been going on since OSU.

I've never even thought about confessing to him because it just felt like a one-in-a-million chance that he felt the same way. I'm his best friend or was, there's no way he likes me.

My mom ended up making me go outside to socialize with my family and close friends who were basically family… minus one.

——

There was a part of me that had hope that Joe was going to come but now that I had changed out of my party outfit and was helping my mom clean up, all hope was gone.

I had my back turned to the door taking the Happy Birthday banner so when I heard the sliding door I figured it was my dad.

“Hope I'm not too late.” - Joe

My heart stopped when I heard the last voice I expected to hear. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my mom give me a wink before she walked back inside.

Turning around to face Joe, he stood in front of me with a tower of gifts in his hands.

“Parties already over Joe might as well just go home.” - you

“Listen… I had full intentions of coming but I was working out and l lost track of time. There was this pee-wee football team who all wanted pictures with me and I gave them a little speech. Anyway, the moral of the story is… I’m so sorry that I'm late and have been such a jerk the past couple of weeks. I hope you'll forgive me because it's not fun going a long time without talking to you. Happy Birthday… by the way.” - Joe

Without saying a word I took the gifts from Joe’s hands and placed them on the table I was cleaning off.

“I deserve th-” - Joe

Before he could finish his sentence I engulfed him in a huge hug.

“I missed you.” - you

Joe was tense at first but relaxed and cradled the back of my head against his strong chest.

“I missed you too… so much.” - Joe

“I’m glad you came.” - you mumbled

“Me too.” - Joe

We stayed there for a moment, way too long of a hug for ‘best friends’.

“I have something to tell you.” - you

“Me too, but can I go first?” - Joe

I nodded and Joe forged ahead, our arms still around each other.

“I’m sorry about how I acted about Chad, as long as you're happy then I’m happy, and if he makes you feel that way then so be it. Maybe you're right too, maybe he has changed. I shouldn't judge someone off of their past.” - Joe

“Joe I appreciate your apology but he broke up with me a week ago, that's what I was going to tell you.” - you

“Oh. I'm sorry… I hope it wasn't messy. Are you okay?” - Joe

“I’m fine. Just sucks that yet another guy has driven me closer to losing faith in the male species.” - you

“Maybe you're just not dating the right guys. There's someone out there who will show you true love, I'm sure of it.” - Joe

His words made me feel hopeful and sad at the same time. Joe believed that there was someone out there who was right for me, but I wanted it to be him.

“Thanks, Joe.” - you

“Mhm. He might be closer to you than you think…” - Joe

I looked up at him with a skeptical look on my face, but he looked serious.

“What do you mean?” - you gulped

Joe tugged at my waist and looked down at me with such a twinkle in his eyes.

“y/n… you're my best friend.” - Joe

“Mhm…” - you

“I need to tell you the truth then.” - Joe

“Joe… what?” - you

“I wasn't pissed off that you went out with Chad because I thought he'd hurt you… I was pissed because you wanted to go out with him.” - Joe

“Wh… what?” - you

“For as long as I can remember I've just been your best friend, the guy you go to complain about other guys, and I can't take it anymore.” - Joe

He tried to read my expression but when he got nothing, he dropped his arms from my waist and nervously played with his wristbands as he kept going.

“I know it sounds like a stupid Hallmark movie line… but I don't want you to keep getting hurt when there's someone who can treat you so much better right at your fingertips.” - Joe

“Who, Joe? You keep saying that but won't say who.” - you sighed

“Me! Me, y/n. I've been hopelessly in love with you for years while I just stood to the side and watched you look for love in the wrong faces. This might ruin our friendship but it's not fair if I don't tell you… I want to be more than just your best friend.” - Joe

My jaw dropped open as my heart rate rapidly increased. He felt the same way?

“You’re in love with me?” - you

“Yes, and I'm sorry if that makes things awkward… I just really want to show you that not all men are pieces of shit.” - Joe

I stood up on my tiptoes and crashed my lips into his. Joe was taken aback at first but kissed back with just as much passion.

Joe wrapped his strong arms around my waist and held me against him as we kissed. Neither one of us wanted to be the one to break away first.

In the end, I did. I needed to say those words back to him.

“Joe, I'm in love with you too.” - you

“Yeah?” - Joe smiled

“Have been for a long time, I just was worried you didn't feel the same way and it would ruin our friendship to confess.” - you

He flashed that perfect smile at me and laced his fingers with mine.

“Can I kiss you again?” - Joe

“Go for it.” - you smiled

Joe pushed me into him by my hips and my hands went to his chest.

“Everything okay out her- oh my!” - your mom

Though I'm sure Joe heard her just as well as I did, we didn't break away from each other and went on claiming each other’s lips.

When Joe and I finally did disengage from our kiss, we both laughed as he wiped his salvia off of my lips.

My arms wrapped around his middle and I laid my head on his shoulder.

“So I guess I can ask you what I've been dreaming about asking you for years.” - Joe

“Mhm.” - you grinned

“Wanna go out with me tomorrow?” - Joe

“As friends?” - you played dumb, just wanting to hear him say it

“I was thinking more of… boyfriend and girlfriend because we can skip the get-to-know-you stage right? Only if that's okay with you…” - Joe

I pulled my head away from his chest and kissed his soft, freshly shaven cheek.

“That sounds perfect to me.” - you looked into those gorgeous blue eyes you've come to be obsessed with

“Will you be my girlfriend?” - Joe

“Only if you'll be my boyfriend.” - you

“Sounds like a deal.” - Joe

Joe and I stepped away from each other before we shook hands in agreement, something we'd done to solve things since we were little.

We laughed together as we walked up to the back door hand in hand, happy that we'd probably resolved the arguing for the time being.

As we opened the door it revealed both of our moms standing there in a pose that looked like they had their ears on the door just a few seconds ago.

“Yes?” - you

“Can we help you?” - Joe

“What's going on with you two?” - Robin

“Yeah, what she said. What does this hand-holding mean?” - your mom

Joe and I exchanged a look and nonchalantly shrugged before he spoke up.

“We’re dating.” - Joe

“What?!” - your mom’s in sync

“How’d this happen? You guys have been fighting for weeks.” - your mom

“It just kinda happened.” - you shrugged

Robin and my mom looked at each other skeptically.

“Are you sure you guys aren't rushing things just a little bit?” - Robin

“Mom, I've never been more sure about anything else in my life.” - Joe

I looked at him with a surprised look on my face, he only winked with a wide grin and reassuringly squeezed my hand.

“Me too.” - you

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Authors note: on the 7th day of Christmassssss y'all got whatever this is. I really wanted this to end in smut but I need to control myself. 💀

Request for this fic; thank you anon! 🤍

[midnightactual]

After watching episode 7 of the new anime something has been bothering me. In the past you have talked about Ichigo's relationship with Yoruichi and from a realistic stand point she's not even his sensei let alone romantic or familial they're just mere acquaintances from a realistic stand point to which I agree fans over blow their bond. So then what's the deal with soul society then? Ichigo (realistically) has even LESS acquaintance with them then the urahara gang minus renji and rukia yet the man acts like soul society is equal to his family. I never understood this love affair Ichigo has with the shinigami. It's so forced that it has always taken away from the plot and made Ichigo's motivations for fighting in the war hollow it even feels like he declares allegiance to them in the soul kings palace rather then humanity. Technically Ichigo has more of a bond with Urahara or Yoruichi yet treats THEM more like acquaintances then his "friends from soul society." Why do you think that is? Thanks

I think it's three things?

The first thing is that it's made pretty clear early on in Bleach (like the first 50 chapters) that as much as they bicker, Ichigo really vibes with Rukia's ethos on a deeply personal level. They also care for each other a lot, in whatever way one wants to imagine that is manifested, which is why both the live action and the musical heavily focused on their interactions and feelings, as does Kubo's own poetry and art (like the "I will pass through even 100 million blades!" spread).

Rukia is the archetypal Shinigami to Ichigo. He even wields Sode no Shirayuki until Byakuya breaks it. (Yes, his first sword is just an oversized Sode no Shirayuki; he's using Rukia's powers and her zanpakutō.) This is interesting because Rukia's mindset is very atypical for Shinigami as a whole, but Ichigo essentially acts like Rukia vouches for everyone else in the Gotei 13. They're good enough for her, so they're good enough for him.

The second thing is that Ichigo has this whole combat empathy character ability thing going on where he bonds with people through fighting them. He claims to be terrible at remembering names and faces but he easily remembers and acts super familiar with every Shinigami he fights (Renji, Ikkaku, Byakuya, and Kenpachi). He feels sympathy for Aizen at the end on that basis. He acts very casually with Ganju and Kisuke. Perhaps most notably, he identifies with Uryū a lot more than Orihime and Chad, because he only comes into more direct conflict with Uryū.

The exceptions are Yumichika, Rangiku, and Tōshirō, whom he's ostensibly familiar with from the week spent in Soul Society after Aizen flees, as he doesn't interact with them much (or at all for the latter two) during SS arc. The two he only sort of tussles with are Gin and Yoruichi, and unsurprisingly, his attitude is still fairly guarded around both of them.

Basically the result of this seems to be that he feels he gets the Shinigami in a deeper way than his human peers. Ichigo is not really particularly good at identifying with people his own age no matter how much shared experience he has with them (like Tatsuki).

The third thing is, like Karin, he hates feeling like a burden or imposition. That means keeping his human friends in the dark, because they can't do anything. That means not bothering Kisuke, because he's presumably working on big brain answers. That means not bothering Yoruichi, because she just radiates intense adult energy. (See also: Ikumi lecturing him on relying on adults.) This means not bothering Isshin. And so on, and so forth. The various Shinigami, he views as "peers" whom he isn't burdening, because they can more or less keep up, and yet they don't really register as authority figure adults to him. It seems like in his mind, they're his battle bros.

Between these three things, I don't think he does have more of a bond with Yoruichi or Kisuke than the Gotei 13 members he kinda knows. He says stuff like, "I'm not one of you, I am a Shinigami!" to Shinji because he really does feel that way. They're just his people as far as he's concerned. He vibes with them.

[bobamania]

this challenge but it's mlp but i haven't watched anything beyond season 6 episode 4 (minus the finale). also i'm going to ramble too much NOT SORRY!!

blorbo: it was rainbow dash for the longest time because ykno she's awesome and cool and all that shit. also lgbt literally my gay awakening. but at the end of the day it's APPLEJACK<3 i've always loved her myyy country gal. there was this fanmade song called applejack and i ate that shit up i was fucking obsessed with it and i didn't stop listening to it like it was my oxygen. i love my country gal so much my sweetie pie my honey. also i kid you fucking not i had to pause the mlp finale for an HOUR because i had to calm myself down like APPLEJACK AND RAIMBOW DASH GOT MARRIED....HOLY FUUUUUCKKKK... HHE??HEHRJDKDJD oh mygod

that was in the PAST tho like waaayyy back when i was still really into mlp. i am now officially announcing that shining armor is my new blorbo. congratulations sir

skrunkly: RUMBLE. is his full name rumble lane idk but look at him okay justtt .. Just look at him. he looks like the sweetest little boy ever. you just wanna pinch his cheeks and give him cookies and give his forehead a big ol' kiss that leaves a red kissmark like grandma does. this sweetheart activates my Inner Granny. also i read thru the mlp wiki and read most of the plot & apparently my little rumbly bumbly gets his own episode???? and it's SO GOOD????? hoooo be still my weak heart

scrimbo bimblo: big mac and shining armor #TBH 😖 sorryyyy i'm an only child and i've always wanted brothers hoooweee. i liked them back then for very different reasons as i do now. they're generally appreciated ig like they're not hated on or anything but i never really see them being mentioned as someone's fave?? give my men apprecation

and BRAEBURN!!!! I FORGOT ABOUT HIM FOR A SEC!!! MY FUNNY BOY!!!! can you see that i have a type i'm so sorry

...and soarin. LISTEN GUYS I JUST LIKE STUPID MEN (except for mac he's the only sane one here)

glup shitto: applejack aka best background pony NAHH just a funny lil jokesies :) that totally went over my head as a kid and i got genuinely offended bcs shes a main character!!! OMG youre so mean to her

i have several glup shittos actually. mlp was my biggest hyperfixation so i even memorized most of the background ponies. apple fritter my cute gal. rumble counts since all the content of him that i had bAcK iN mY dAy was his little scene in hurricane fluttershy. thunderlane should count too. candy apple. rose. lily valley.

does anyone remember the S5 episode slice of life? of course u do. it's definitely a fan favorite. i loved it so much. iconic. and the brief scene with the staff wearing horse masks... yeah that ep was so fun.

poor little meow meow: zephyr breeze 😅😅 i haven't watched his episode but i kinda know what kind of character he's like and tbh he's so fucking pathetic....

the EVIL ones tho.. early seasons discord aka before he got annoying and weak despite being the so-called GOD of chaos. ugh. pls he got so fucking annoying. celestia didn't need to turn him into stone. give him a chinese finger trap and he's dead. oh and king sombra. i think he appears in later seasons and i would like to put a disclaimer that sombra does not exist to me beyond season 6 episode 1-2. tbh i dont think he appears there but u get my point. i have a horrible feeling that they'll make him goofy like they did to discord. and DAYBREAKER!! i forgot that ive watched that ep. she's powerful. it's ok. i <3 women

horse plinko: zephyr breeze, he's pathetic and helpless. he is literally like this one guy on tiktok that i can't fucking remember but i'll get back to this when i find his videos. shining armor, i like seeing chad types in peril. discord, he's silly. sunburst, he's also silly. pinkie pie, she's crazy just like me.

i would also like to literally see these goofballs in a plinko.

eeby deeby: spike with wings (especially post timeskip spike). he deserves nothing.

[descendantofthesparrow]

Shuffle Playlist - Rewrite - Part of Your World - part 10 - smoke bombs and fake wands

=

Evie let out a slight gasp as she locked her eyes onto the paint-splattered back of Dizzy Tremaine, who was testing out new jewelry designs by grabbing gems and random knick-knacks and putting them up to the attachment piece. Evie put her finger up to her lips, singling for Mal to stay quiet so they could surprise the younger VK.

Mal smiled and nodded, stepping around the salon chair and creeping up to Dizzy, watching with a smirk as Evie crouched next to Dizzy. The teen slowly turned, her eyes widening and a bright grin spreading across her face “Evie?” the blue-haired VK nodded as the younger VK leaped out of her seat and into Evie's arms “Evie you came back!!”

“Hi!” Evie sang, swinging the girl in her arms a bit before Dizzy pulled back. Mal smiled at the display of affection, setting her bag down on one of the nearby tables and starting to gather the things Evie would need to make the smoke bombs.

“Is it all just like we imagined? Do they really have closets you can walk into? Have you been to a real swimming pool yet? What does ice cream taste like?!” Evie and Mal shared an uncomfortable glance as Dizzy listed off the things that were now normal for them.

Mal turned back to the bottles filled with chemicals and tried to remember what Evie had said when she was babbling about the ingredients for the smoke bombs.

“It's cold and it's sweet. And if you eat it too fast it gives you a headache” Evie tapped Dizzy’s forehead, smiling softly as Dizzy's wild grin turned a bit softer at the thought of the treat.

“Really?” Evie nodded, raising her brow as if to say ‘would I lie to you?’ Dizzy looked off to her left for a split moment and her grin widened “I saved your sketchbook for you!” Evie gasped, her eyes widening a bit.

“You did?” Dizzy nodded and ran towards the cash register, leaving Evie to stare at Mal with slightly saddened and surprised eyes. Dizzy ran back to the table with a large blue book with a heart and crown foam cut out on the front.

“Dizzy~” the young VK set the book in front of the chair and took a step back, looking up at Evie with a large grin “Oh my gosh~” Evie flipped her hair out of her face and sat down, running her hands across the front of her old sketchbook. “Wow” she flipped open the book, smiling as she looked at one of her first designed “fancy” dresses, one that was visually very similar to the dress she had made Mal when she met Jasmine and Aladdin. “I made this dress out of an old curtain and safety pins” Evie sighed dreamily, running her fingers across the swatch of fabric scrap she had pinned into the book.

Dizzy nodded her head at Mal “it reminds me of the dress you made for Mal when she met jasmine!” Mal and Evie stopped for a moment, before Mal snorted when she remembered what had happened to that dress.

“I spilled curry all over that” Evie and Dizzy giggled at Mal's dry tone.

“You did”

“Yeah, saw that!”

Evie hummed, brushing her thumb against the old texture of the colored pencils she had used “You’re totally right, Dizzy this was…this was totally the inspiration for that” Dizzy squealed and latched onto Evie, gripping onto her shoulders tightly in a half hug.

“I knew it! You can take the girl outta the isle, but you can’t take the isle outta the girl~” Evie glanced up at Dizzy, oh how had she forgotten about this little ray of sunshine?…she didn’t deserve to be here. She forced herself to look away and smirked, picking up a plain gold wire bracelet and mid-sized crown and heart gem, holding it in the middle of the bracelet

“Is this too much? Or is this fabulous~?” Dizzy grinned and held out her hand.

“Hand me the glue gun~!” Evie grabbed the green and pink glue gun and happily gave it to Dizzy, turning in her seat a bit to make it easier for the younger VK to glue the gem onto the wire bracelet.

-

It was almost midnight by the time Carlos and Jay had arrived back at the dorms, but they had no time to waste as they rushed toward their room. Dude came running out of the room, whimpering for Carlos to pick him up “hey buddy, sorry I’m so late Dude, Ben got captured” Carlos sighed, blinking in surprise as Jay suddenly stopped him.

“why is our door open?” Jay and Carlos glanced at each other before running into the room, their faces dropping into annoyance as Chad Charming's back was turned towards them. “you have got to be kidding me!” Chad quickly turned off the 3D printer and turned with a sheepish smile.

He shrugged at them as if it would make up for breaking into their room…again “I knocked?”

Carlos rolled his eyes and leaned down to set Dude on the floor, the pup running off and leaping onto Carlos’ bed and settling into the mini dog bed on top. Carlos held out his hand, raising his brows when chad looked at him “confused”

Chad sighed and rolled his eyes, taking out the copied key from his pocket and placing it into Carlos’ hand, acting as if Carlos was in the wrong to be mad over Chad copying his key…AGAIN.

Jay glanced at the 3D printer and rolled his eyes, gesturing at the figure inside “what is that?” Chad turned, gasping as he opened the main box and took out the mini royal chad figure inside.

“oh, it’s a little, Chad action figure” he flew the mini chad across Jay and Carlos’ faces making airplane noises, the boys giving him another annoyed look. “well,” he stopped, pouting at the missing head on the figure “minus the head.”

“sounds like an improvement ‘scuse me!” Jay pulled Chad out of Carlos’ way and watched as Carlos pulled out his phone and set the 3D printer to print a copy of FGs wand.

Chad peeked over Jay's shoulder and furrowed his brows “why are you guys making Fairy Godmothers' wand?” Jay and Carlos flinched back, Chad pulling back in turn.

“um, why are we making Fairy godmothers wand?” Lonnie, who was heading back to her room from the amphitheater, paused as she heard this peculiar conversation. She peeked into the room, raising her brow as she watched Jay and Carlos fumble for an excuse.

“Ben’s been captured!” the entire room stopped, Chad whipping around to look at the new voice, eyes widening when he realized Dude had been the one to speak up.

“what?!” Chad looked from the boys and back to Dude, pointing at the mutt “Dude can talk?!”

“I was stalling!” Carlos sighed, shaking his head at Dude.

“I thought you forgot?” Dude whimpered, laying his head down on his paws. Jay hit Chad in the chest, making the blonde teen look at him. “Don’t tell anyone, Ben’s life depends on it”

Lonnie’s eyes widened for a moment before she decided she would be coming along with the boys back to the isle to help rescue Ben, she quickly left the boys dorm and back to hers, she had to change.

Chad narrowed his eyes a bit, glancing between his mini-figure to the boys “Really?...So if something were to happen, you know what I’m saying?” Carlos looked at him confused but nodded.

“Something bad we get it” Chad let out a small laugh.

“God forbid, but if something were to happen…Who do you think would be in line to be king?” he held the headless mini-figure of himself next to his face.

Jay and Carlos just stared at him, before both of them shook their head “Dude…no” Carlos groaned, turning back to the 3D printer as Jay walked over to the door and gestured for Chad to leave.

Chad sighed and rolled his eyes, dragging his feet as he walked out of the boy's dorm. He held up his mini-figure “I’m taking this”

Just as he stepped out of the dorm he turned, holding his finger in the air “and if you think-“ Jay slammed the door, nodding as Carlos thanked him.

Carlos closed the printer and pressed the start button on his phone, sighing as the timer appeared “great, this thing is going to take hours to be done” he flipped into his chair and rubbed his face. Jay punched the table and walked around to alleviate some energy.

“why is it gonna take so long?” Dude asked, hopping down from his bed and into Carlos’ lap. Carlos glanced down at him and sighed.

“because even after all my edits to it, it's still going to take a bit to make something that big, we’re lucky it's not gonna take three days like a normal 3D printer”

“How long?” Jay asked, leaning over the table and watching as the bottom of the wand started to build.

“Timer says 11 am finish.” Carlos moaned, wincing as Jay cursed.

“what?! By that time, we’ll only have like, an hour to spare!? It takes like an hour to get to the bridge from here!”

“I know I know” Carlos groaned, rubbing his face again “but I can't force it to go faster or it'll fuck up the look and we need it to be perfect as possible” Jay shook his head, pacing around the room again, only for him to just flop on the chair next to Carlos, once more watching the slow building of the wand.

“…I really hope (y/n) finds Harry” Jay muttered. Eyes drifting to the R.O.A.R metal he had gotten last month, thanks to Harry’s skill that won them the tournament.

“Me too…” Carlos sighed, burying his hands into Dude’s fur as he watched the phone timer slowly tick down.

-

“Got it?” Evie muttered, carefully pulling the chemical-filled glove away from the spout Mal was holding, the purple-haired girl being careful not to bump Evie so the bomb wouldn’t go all over the salon.

“Yeah, I got it” Mal set the spout down in the tub and rolled her neck, sighing at the satisfying crack that came from it.

“Perfect, that makes five smoke bombs” Mal took the purple chemical-filled glove from Evie, taking one of the thin plastic elastic ties and securing the smoke bomb.

“Okay, I think that’s enough yeah?” Evie nodded, turning and smiling as she spotted one of Dizzy’s creations.

“M?” the girl hummed at her name and looked at Evie, a grin growing on her face as Evie turned back to her and modeled the golden headband with red gem hearts plastered on it “how amazing would this look with my shredded tee and my heart purse”

Mal nodded even though she didn’t know which articles of clothing Evie was talking about, considering Evie had several shredded tees and three heart purses. “Fabulously amazing” Evie grinned, about to set the headband back where she found it when Dizzy interrupted with an excited squeal.

“Take it! Take a bunch!” Evie gasped, turning to grab her heart purse and tossed in the heart headband before meeting dizzy halfway and staring in awe as Dizzy dumped a whole armful of headbands and accessories.

“Oh, Dizzy! Oh my gosh!” she spotted a pair of silver and red earrings that would suit (y/n) perfectly “Thank you!”

“It would make me so happy, to know that you were wearing something of mine in Auradon! Almost like me being there myself~” Mal and Evie shared another uncomfortable glance before Evie dropped her bag on the chair and pulled Dizzy into a tight hug.

“I really wish I could take you with me” Evie sighed, rubbing her cheek slightly on the top of Dizzy’s head before she pulled away, amazed by the bright smile that was still shining on Dizzy's face.

“At least one of us got to have our dream come true, right?” Mal looked between the two girls and smiled, rubbing the top of Dizzy’s head and nodding towards the door.

“E, we have to go” she muttered, giving Evie another soft smile as the girl slowly nodded and pulled away from Dizzy, who gave a cheerful wave and skipped back to her table, flipping open Evie's sketchbook again to look through it.

Mal watched as Evie could hardly take her eyes off the younger girl, she sighed, taking off her gloves and tossing them into the bin near her “She’s going to be okay E…and she won't be here much longer” Mal whispered at the end, smiling as Evie whipped around to look at her with wide eyes “After you get back, I’m betting (y/n) will get a jumpstart on Ben to continue the VK transfer program” Evie smiled at the thought, looking back at Dizzy.

“but how knows how long that will take” Mal's shoulders slumped as Evie continued to look at Dizzy with saddened eyes, she reached out and tapped Evie's hand, wiggling her fingers in a “gimme” motion. Evie placed her gloves in Mal's hand and she tossed them in the bin, tapping Evie’s hand again and doing another “gimmie” motion.

Evie let out a little snort and grabbed Mal's hand, the two walking out of the salon and heading back to the hideout.

-

“That one was epic, that one went on for actual days~” Mal laughed, her arm linked with Evie’s as they walked up the alley next to the hideout.

“Like it mattered right?” Evie shot back, looking up at the towering buildings and clothing lines.

Mal hummed, shifting the bag on her shoulder “we were both-“

“-undone by true love's kiss” Evie laughed, shaking her head.

“works every time ~!” they spoke in unison, bumping their heads together slightly as they finally arrived back at the hideout. Evie stopped, pulling away from Mal a bit.

“I really thought that’s what you and Ben had” Mal side-eyed Evie, giving her a look. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Mal sighed, unlinking her arm and shaking her head “I’m not coming back yet Evie” Evie gave her a confused look “oh, he might have not had enough…time to tell you, but I wasn’t planning on staying here forever…I know it sounds bad but I was hoping one of you guys would come get me…I was just hoping for a bit more time to get my head on straight before diving back into Auradon’s craziness” Mal shook her head, looking down at her feet “but it was just so much in so little time…I know deep down I didn’t have to change myself into the perfect Auradon girl, and I know most of the problems that I had a big deal with I created for myself but…its-it’s just been so hard, not to have someone dictate you’re every move”

Evie gave Mal a look, about to interrupt her but Mal shook her head “Let me finish, please.” Evie nodded and sighed, leaning back against the metal support beam. “Now I don’t want someone to dictate my every move like my mother did, but it's what I was used to, and that all changed so suddenly that I just, latched onto the first thing, Ben. And I thought-I thought that he would want a perfect Auradon girl, so that’s what I tried to become, and he-he never said anything about it, neither did the rest of you, so I thought I was doing the right thing….I should have told you what was going on in my fucked-up brain…I’m sorry”

Evie glanced around, seeing multiple stragglers around the alleys “Let's continue this conversation in the hideout okay?” Mal sniffed, rubbing her eyes a bit and nodding, watching as Evie grabbed a rock and chucked it at the sign. She let Evie take her free hand and lead her up the stairs, stopping at the second level and looking out towards the bright lights of Auradon city.

“so…why didn’t you say anything?” Evie asked, watching in the corner of her eye as Mal joined her on the rails.

“I-…You aren’t responsible for me Evie” Mal sighed, running her hands through her hair “It’s not your job or responsibility to take care or fix my dumbass mistakes, that’s my responsibility to deal with my bullshit. And-and I-…I don’t know how to ask for help…you know how my mother was, asking for help was showing weakness, and…I guess that’s still wired in my brain”

It was silent between the two of them for a moment, before Mal spoke again “and I have to get this off my chest, but speaking of my mother, another lesson of hers was never apologize, but as I've learned she's a fucking lunatic and wrong about everything so!” she slapped her hands on the rails, twisting around to look at Evie, who stared at her confused “I don’t know if you’ve thought about this stuff since it happened, but! I’m sorry”

Evie opened her mouth to talk but Mal quickly covered it. “I’m sorry for throwing a fit over not being invited to your sixth birthday, I’m sorry that it resulted in you getting banished and forced to only be around your mother for ten years, I’m sorry for being a bitch to you after you came back, I’m sorry for shoving you in Cruella's closet, and I’m sorry for trying to trick you into taking my mom's scepter and trying to send you to a sleep-like death, and I’m sorry that it took me this long to realize that I've been a horrible person and friend to you” Mal gasped, finally taking a breath. She smiled at Evie and slowly took her hand off her mouth “Thank you for putting up with my bullshit for the last year, and thank you for being one of the greatest friends I've ever had, even when I didn’t deserve it”

A soft smile broke out on Evie's face and she pulled mal into a tight hug “oh Mal” her voice wavered “Thank you” she sniffed, gasping a bit as she felt her eyes burn “I-I pushed it into the back of my mind but…it-it did kinda bother me, all that stuff” Mal gave Evie a comforting smile and rubbed her arm.

“I know, and I’m sorry it took me….how long has it been since you came out of banishment?” Evie narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips in thought.

“um…well it was…three months before we went to Auradon so…nine months?” Mal snapped her fingers and nodded.

“Yeah, sorry I've taken that long to apologize to you” Evie grinned, pulling Mal into another tight hug.

“Apology accepted” Mal hummed and squeezed Evie back…before she rapidly tapped the back of Evie's jacket.

“Okay that’s enough physical affection for me, off please!” Evie giggled and shook her head, letting go of Mal and leaning back on the rails.

“Sorry, I forgot sometimes you’re not into physical affection” Mal shrugged, crossing her arms and leaning on the rails next to Evie.

“Eh, it's not that I’m not into its more….I can only handle a certain amount…ya know? Like (y/n) says I’m a cat; if I initiate it, I’ll be cuddly as all hell. if you want a hug? Nope, you get the claws” Mal faked a cat hiss and made a claw with her hand at Evie, who burst into laughter.

Mal smiled and mentally patted herself on the back for being able to cheer Evie up quickly, and looked in front of her, letting gout a soft sigh.

Evie’s laugh subsided and she turned to Mal

(A/n; again, I’m not writing this out, just watch the music vid)

They sat down on the couch and talked about random things, how Auradon life had been treating them, how Mal felt about Ben and their breakup, how (y/n) and Harry's relationship was doing.

“Speaking of Harry” Mal sighed, lifting her head up to stare at the ceiling “I really hope (y/n) found him”

“Me two” Evie sighed, leaning onto her hand and glancing up at the old projector on the ceiling “…what are we going to do if they don’t find Harry by the time we have to leave the isle with Ben?”

“I don’t know E…” Mal's voice cracked, god she hoped Hook hadn’t found Harry “I really don’t know…I’m scared for him”

“Yeah” the two girls curled up together, sending out wishes for Harry to come back to Auradon safe and sound.

-

The cabin boy, Alfie, quickly and quietly carried a small silver tray down to the brig, piled with week-old bread, oily and stale fries, and a three-day-old apple that had been sitting out in the market. He carefully shouldered open the door leading to the main cells and let out a small whimper, watching as Harry's crumpled form lay in the corner of his cell.

“Harry?” Alfie carefully spoke, setting the tray in front of Harry's cell and sliding it through the food gate “I got some food for you…I’m sorry it's not the best but it’s all I could get extra of” Harry turned on his shoulder to glance at the tray. Alfie stifled a gasp as he spotted the darkening large bruise under Harry's jaw and eye, and the multiple bleeding cuts on his cheek and lips.

Harry didn’t speak, slowly sitting up and standing, hobbling over to the tray and picking it up, nodding at Alfie as he inspected the “food”

He walked back into the corner of his cell, wincing as the nasty black bruise on his leg gave him trouble sitting down.

Alfie watched as Harry scarfed down his rotting food, shuffling nervously on his feet. “Do you really think your Auradon girl is going to come for you?” he asked, flinching as Harry’s, though puffy and rimmed with red, bright blue eyes turned to him “Not-not in a bad way, I meant more-…is she really going to do all you said she would?”

“Aye,” Harry's voice was rough, almost non-existent from the screams that had been forcefully ripped from it. “The lass won't hold’ back ‘gainst him…I know it” Alfie stared at the fond smile that was on Harry's face and nodded, standing from his crouch next to Harry's cell and spinning on his heel.

“…Goodnight” Alfie sighed, walking out of the brig and to the crew's quarters. He hoped that when Harry's girl came for Hook, he wouldn’t be caught in the crossfire.

-End of part 10-

Wow part 10! There it is! Yep sooo…I don’t got much to talk about other than MAL FINALLY APOLOGIZES FOR THE SHIT SHE PUTS EVIE THROUGH! Proper character development people! Also yes the cabin boy is not mean to Harry, he’s just a younger teen trying to get by on the isle and got roped into being on James hook’s crew.

okay permtaglist!

@queer-cosette @sephiralorange

@lunanight2012 @daughter-of-the-stars11

@musicarose @thecaptainsgingersnap

@descendantsobsessed @verboetoperee

@rintheemolion @remembered-license

@random-thoughts-003​ @imtryingthisout​

taglist 

@beccad10x​ @thesailbells​

[riverdale-retread]

Riverdale S1 Ep9

Every kind of spoiler warning!

- Oh My Maple Gods Cheryl is so exquisitely beautiful. That hair, those eyes, that skin! Pre Raphaelite Angel Woman. She looks unbelievable in turquois, in that little slipdress number. I wish she didn't insist only on red.

- Katie Keene and Veronica Lodge bullied a girl and now, in Mama V mode, Veronica rushes to Ethel's rescue after a freaky poem. Jughead eats throughout the recitation haha. You know, so very many outlandish and exciting things happen in Riverdale over time that I am finding that things like this - Ethel Muggs backstory and development- get lost in the mix. But it's well done here!

And I don't think people HATE Cheryl, necessarily. I think Cheryl is overwhelming. Most can't cope with that. Ava Gardner used to give people vertigo with her inhumanly perfect face. I think it's like that.

If it's not obvious by now, Cheryl was my fav on this show so far. Until my unexpected Veronica appreciation caught me unawares.

- Cheryl calls Jughead a hobo in what I feel like is their first on screen encounter. And she calls him that the rest of his life! I don't know how to feel or who to side with in Cheryl v. Jughead. Jughead's a hobo. ACCURATE. Cheryl can see his suffering clearly, so, plus. But she wont do anything about it, so, minus.

I still think it's impressive that Cheryl body checks BOTH Jughead and Betty, who are much taller than her, when she wants. But Jughead gets a lot of that already and I don't want that for him.

I do really hate it when women bring their unimpressive boyfriend to be the muscle because No Girl, and also, Jughead (JUGGY??) of all penis havers being the muscle? Get right on outta here! Okay so advantage: Cheryl.

-Jughead being as dead wrong about literary references as Veronica. He murmurs The Icewoman Cometh at Cheryl's entrance and... he has not read O'Neill. That is not what that title says and that's not what the play is about.

- Valerie, I miss you. You were too high functioning for this show. Her pointing out that the Blossoms were trying to buy Archie! Her exit line is full Boadicea: Unlike you, Archie, I won't be bought. Classic.

-Cheryl calling Fred Andrews a DILF, to his face, in her Sunday Service voice, and him being utterly unable to cope with it whatsoever is when I totally fell in love with Riverdale irrevocably back in the day. Very Iconic Moment. Cheryl is God and her lipstick tastes sweet.

- After the Black Hood and the Farm I had almost forgotten that the Coopers used to publish the local paper together. So then Betty and Jughead having couples time at a different newspaper room is her replicating her parents, like Veronica and her triangle with Chad Gekko and Archie Andrews.

- Again, how big is Riverdale?? How does The Blue and Gold, a high school newspaper, have a bigger operating budget than the Riverdale Register?!?!?

- Dumb kids being Dumb

It pains me but Betty and Jughead are a bit... hmm. Betty's diary is what causes the whole blow up with Rapist Teacher so she knows her mom reads her diary yet she ended that episode writing in the same diary, no lock, nothing. Jughead having the murder wall and being himself is what got the superdim Sheriff Keller thinking he had himself an easy case but they never take it down and keep adding to it.

What time is it when Jughead is on Betty's bed at the start? How long has he been there??

- The Blossoms

So you have to be a Ginger Penis to be allowed to run the maple business? It doesn't matter who the parents are even. You just have to be a real ginger and have a penis. What is this religion??

- Veronica finally unable to carry a grown woman's burden at 16 and breaking down. Poor baby girl. You are doing so well! I am so proud. There there.

- I'm sorry I called Jughead Kermit. His tenderness when comforting Betty is unbeatable. Bravo.

[radramblog]

Planeswalkers in Cube: White

It’s been a while since I’ve discussed cube, I think, and also a while since I’ve just dived into a stupidly long topic without thinking too hard about it. And so here we go.

Planeswalkers are kind of in an interesting place in Cubes. Most of the time, they’re powerful midrange or control threats, but a lot of them have more specialised roles that can make them better suited to particular cubes. They’re also popular to include, seeing as they’re big, cool, and splashy, and a lot of people really like playing with them. What home exists for something like Liliana, Death’s Majesty in any other format? (I know it’s fine in commander hush)

However, you can only afford so many slots for Walkers in your cube, depending on how you treat them. And so, you’re not going to see all of them very often. Here, we’re going to go through all of them, colour by colour, and figure out why you should or shouldn’t play them, and which go better in different builds. Starting off, as many things do, with Mono-White.

Some ground rules: I’m not going to talk about the Planeswalker deck cards in this post, because the answer to whether you should play them is pretty much universally “no, why”. I’m also not going to talk about the creature->planeswalker transform cards, because they get treated more like creatures in a Cube environment. Jace, Vryn’s Prodigy is kinda just Merfolk Looter.

My next point before I talk actual cards: I’m far from an expert on this sort of thing, and this is going to be my opinions! If you want a different perspective, Season 4 episode 6 of Solely Singleton is a great podcast about this exact topic, though it’s two and a half years old at this point so some things might be a bit outdated.

Finally: White is a colour that tends to get more good Planeswalkers than other colours. Turns out, most Gideons and token-producing walkers are good in slower decks, who’d a thunk it. So unlike, say, Black, the average here is a bit higher than most of the time.

Let’s get into it!

 Ajani Goldmane

Ajani is kind of a classic, but the original iteration is kind of showing its 14 years of age. It’s a 4-mana walker (which is a very competitive slot) with a +1 that doesn’t really do anything, a turn-3 ultimate that dies to removal, and while the minus is good (see cards like Unbreakable Formation, or other Ajanis), it requires a board and isn’t really worth a four mana cast.

I had thought he’d be good in more budget lists, though. Except he hasn’t been printed since 2010 and so even though he sees no play he’s still like 5 bucks. So I’d pass on this version of cat dad.

 Elspeth, Knight-Errant

On the other hand, Elspeth pt.1 is still one of the best Planeswalkers you can play. She makes blockers for days, can push through some serious damage, and does both of those things while getting more resilient rather than less. Her ultimate might not be game-breaking, but since she’s constantly pushing towards it anyway you don’t really mind. Also she’s only 4 mana, holy moly.

Elspeth is good in aggro, good in midrange, and arguably still more than playable in control. At 12ish dollars, it’s not the ideal price point, but if you can afford it (or have one sitting around), she’s absolutely worth the include.

 Gideon Jura

Gideon 1 is a bit more specific. Aggro is not going to want him, seeing as the minus does basically nothing in that deck and the +2 isn’t really worth your time at 5 mana. On the other hand, this card is nuts in control. It’s a hard-to-kill wincon that is also removal that fuels its own condition and survives boardwipes. Gideon Jura is a chad in those decks, and kind of takes over the game the moment he comes down.

The other nice thing about Gideon Jura is that due to recent reprints in Mystery Booster and his Signature Spellbook, as well as not being very good in Commander, he’s ludicrously cheap. You can get one of these for under a dollar, making it perfect for budget cubes (that still include rares). Although, at that point, he might be warping to a cheaper format where aggro is worse, so keep an eye on him.

 Elspeth Tirel

Elspeth’s second incarnation (which is the one with her last name, because ???) is significantly worse than her first. If you’re in a slower deck where you want the ultimate, she’s probably not going to live to make it there. If you want the tokens, there are better options at cheaper mana costs. And you don’t want the +2, unless you somehow have a decent board against a red aggro deck.

I remember really liking this card when I first started playing Magic. That was a long time ago, and we have had much better options in the near-decade since then.

 Ajani, Caller of the Pride

The first 3-mana walker on this list, and one that shows the conservativeness WoTC had when first testing them at that mana cost. Just kidding, this came out after Liliana of the Veil.

Ajani 3is theoretically fine in an aggressive deck, but white has some seriously good 3-drop creatures that you’d rather just cast instead. Because when your options are a Blade Splicer or putting a +1/+1 counter on your two drop…I’m taking that token. And let’s not act like this card has any place in a midrange or control deck.

 Gideon, Champion of Justice

This was the first Planeswalker I ever opened, so I have a soft spot for it. But not enough of one to put it in my cube.

As potentially threatening as this Gideon is, he basically doesn’t do anything? While token decks might have a hard time taking him out, seeing as his loyalty can get pretty huge against them, they can also just block him forever. The ultimate is a game-ender, but also would leave Gideon so small that your opponent might just have enough time to draw lands and get back in the game. And he doesn’t do anything to protect himself aside from get big, and doesn’t really progress your board, so. Sorry Gids, you’ll get them next time.

 Elspeth, Sun’s Champion

Elspeths alternate being good, I guess. Elspeth, Sun’s Champion is basically unplayable outside of slow midrange or control, but is utterly incredible in those decks! She wipes out anything that would threaten her and makes enough blockers to easily protect either herself or you, and stalls long enough that those tokens can turn into a wincon via her ultimate.

It is not as universally powerful as the four-drop Elspeth, but the 6-drop one undeniably shapes the game when she hits the table. She stops aggro in its tracks, and nukes the shit out of midrange, especially green-based decks. I suppose there are times when she might be awkward to cast because she hits your own threats…but then just hold her back or +1, dude.

 Ajani Steadfast

Ajani Steadfast is kind of trying to be a better version of Ajani Goldmane. And yet, funnily enough, the Vigilance on Goldmane’s -1 is so important, as is being a -1 instead of a -2, so he’s kind of in a similar tier. The loyalty counter upside is so utterly niche that it might as well not exist, but the +1 is unquestionably much better at least.

Like with Goldmane, Ajani Steadfast isn’t really doing anything at 4 that cheaper cards don’t do better. And he’s at about the same price point. At least the ultimate is better?

 Nahiri, the Lithomancer

Nahiri is really specific. Like, if you’re at a power level where you have equipment worth playing Nahiri with, then you’re probably at a power level where she’s completely outclassed by things like Angel of Invention or…I mean, most other playable 5s. And some unplayable ones.

…I just remembered this card has 3 starting loyalty. On a 5-drop walker. You can -2 her and she’ll die to literally a goblin token. I sure hope that Equipment you got had Living Weapon!

 Gideon, Ally of Zendikar

The first 4-drop that really steps to Elspeth, Knight-Errant. This Gideon is kind of just good in any deck- aggro decks like a 5/5 top end that makes a token T1 or just is an unkillable Glorious Anthem, midrange loves an infinite source of 2/2 to block or beat down with, and control loves an infinite source of blockers that can clean up after a wipe. He’s just kind of a disgusting piece of cardboard for a whole variety of decks, making him easily one of the best walkers in the entire format.

Also he’s…surprisingly cheap? After one “real” printing, and being on The List (which doesn’t do much, trust me), Gideon Ally of Zendikar is still only like 5 bucks. So if you can justify spending that much on one card…probably do that? He won’t let you down.

 Gideon of the Trials

Unlike our first 3-mana walker, this one is more than playable in slower decks. Gideon of the Trials is kind of awkward for aggressive decks, put what he does do is effectively remove some seriously big threats, adjust for whichever is the biggest problem around, and still punches peoples as a 4/4 Gideon. And he also has the unique benefit of being a Planeswalker that makes combo decks think twice, given that Emblem- though you’ll still go to 0 life if Splinter Twin or a similar combo is in play, and then die since they probably killed him too there.

Once again, though, this card is pretty cheap, sitting at about 3 bucks. As we get towards the more recent end of this list, a lot of these cards are going to look like that. I remember when I made my first cube, with the restriction of “Rares/Mythics that are under $2 US”, and getting 0 white Planeswalkers. I was playing the Planeswalker deck Gideon, for fuck’s sake! Things are so much better now.

Ajani, Adversary of Tyrants

I could never really get a good read on this Ajani. It’s obviously something control doesn’t want, and the +1 isn’t doing a huge amount in midrange decks. But the -2 is powerful in creature-based decks, and the +1 is solid for quicker builds, but not enough to really justify 4 mana? There’s a lot of power here, but the parts kind of form a strange whole.

I guess it depends a lot on how deep that 2-drop slot is in your cube, and how deep the 4-drop slot is. Because you kinda need good 2s and medium 4s for Ajani to really shine. I’m a little bothered by how meh Ajanis are apparently in general in Cube, but the multicoloured ones are a bit more solid.

 Gideon Blackblade

Take Gideon of the Trials, make it not playable in control, and make it really fucking good in aggressive decks. There you go, that’s Gideon Blackblade. Cheap in money and in mana, he’s here to die, aside from the part where he’s hard to kill.

The +1 on this card is not super great, but you have to keep in mind that you get that at the same time as Gideon being a creature. Honestly, it’s kind of easier to think of this card as a creature with a triggered ability than as a planeswalker, at least as far as cube is concerned. It also helps that the -6 isn’t actually that hard to hit, considering you can keep a creature back by giving it vigilance. He’s quite solid, and might just be the best aggro walker White gets. Certainly at 3, at least.

 Teyo, the Shieldmage

A bit of a step down from our last 3-drop, Teyo is clearly not built for the same formats as Gideon Blackblade. But with him, we can talk about weaker formats, like Peasant, where Teyo is…still not great? 3 mana gets you a pair of 0/3s and immunity to burn spells, which I suppose control might like in formats where you don’t really get board wipes, but I can’t imagine any other deck wanting him. And that’s not a great place to be.

 The Wanderer

Much like Teyo, I don’t think even Peasant wants this. I do think it’s kinda better- their static abilities are virtually the same, except Mx. ??? here extends the burn protection to your creatures. And they do serve as removal, but its both expensive and narrow. Like, how often is this just going to kill a 4/4 and then get killed by their 2/2? I wouldn’t play Smite the Monstrous but it gains 2 life.

I’m interested to see this character return at some point. Maybe next time they can be playable. Some of the uncommon walkers from WAR were great for Peasant (and some even in higher formats), but this isn’t one of them.

 Serra the Benevolent

Okay, so. 4 mana Serra Angel that can stick around to make another one is quite powerful! Though the +2 basically does nothing, it’s still a +2, meaning you can get an unkillable Worship the turn after you play this if you aren’t under pressure, or go token into pump into token. Serra is clearly quite solid!

However, it suffers from two issues. One, it’s competing for that 4-drop slot, and is less playable than Elspeth or Gideon in slower decks since she makes tokens slower than those two do. The tokens are more threatening for sure, but token decks generally want more tokens rather than bigger tokens. And two: it’s more expensive than Gideon and similar in price to Elspeth, not to mention another card we’ll get to later, so she’s not even getting into cheaper cubes. Since a lot of cube slots like this are taken by cards with more general playability, Serra is going to sit on the sidelines more often than she maybe should. If you’re at like a 720 list, though, spare her a thought.

 Ajani, Strength of the Pride

Take everything I just said about Serra, and make it worse, basically. I suppose 4 mana for two Ajani’s Pridemates is fine, but the plus doesn’t do anything (unless you have those tokens, in which case it’s okay) and you are never activating that 0 unless you’re already winning.

Oh also he’s more expensive than she is and is still at the same mana cost. Yeah nah I wouldn’t bother. Ripper in my Cat EDH deck though.

 Elspeth, Sun’s Nemesis

This card is actually really interesting. Our last Elspeth is still mono-white, despite the art and flavour, but she almost doesn’t play like she is. I think most of the time, she’s likely to make 4 tokens and then probably cack it, but the Escape on this is really interesting. By the time you reach 6 mana, you probably will just have enough cards in the yard to cast this again.

I really don’t know how to interpret this card. She’s in my own cube, but I don’t remember seeing her cast yet, so that’s not really any help. My guess is that she’s mostly good in slower decks, but also making and pumping tokens does output a fair bit of damage over time. She’s only like a dollar, so maybe try her out? At least she won’t be an expensive mistake if she is one.

 Basri Ket

Mr. Sandman here is pretty much just a better Ajani, Caller of the Pride. The +1 does more, the -2 actually puts things on board and is better for aggressive decks to get value out of, and the ultimate is actually attainable. He’s basically aggro-only, but he’ll get the job done in those decks.

However, the 3-mana Gideons kind of just outshine Basri here. He does literal jack squat without a creature on board, and his -2 is quite weak with only one or two attacking creatures to work with. The ultimate is nice, but +1ing over and over is extremely bleh, and you probably have better things to do. So sorry, Basri, maybe next time.

 Grand Master of Flowers

Bahamut, you aren’t fooling anyone, it’s on the typeline. For reference, Monk of the Open Hand is a 1/1 for W that gets a +1/+1 counter if you cast two spells in a turn- so it’s not really worth running? And even if you do put it in your cube, there’s no guarantee you’ll have both in a deck, or want to play both in a deck…so…

Okay, fine, let’s assume you just get a copy of Monk of the Open Hand when you draft the card. I’m still not super enthused about this Planeswalker. The lockdown ability is going to miss more than you think it will, and a lot of the things it misses are the things likely to kill you. It can make a 1/1 every turn, but only one at a time, and if they exile it then the ability does stone nothing. And that “ultimate” takes forever to actually get to. Also it’s another 4-mana White Walker. I think I’ll pass on this one. Somehow, both Tiamat and Bahamut were disappointments.

 Teyo, Aegis Adept

I wasn’t sure whether or not to include this, but I didn’t really want to end on GMoF, so. I’ve done a whole post on the digital-only cards, and I do think Teyo, despite being a Planeswalker, is one of the less fucky ones. You will need to track a lot of things, though.

So how does the card stack up? Honestly, I think it’s surprisingly solid. Aggro probably isn’t that interested, though Lumbering Lightshield’s ETB (makes a random card in the opponent’s hand cost 1 more) could be a real pain if you’re lucky. It makes a 4/4 every other turn for a bit, which is quite solid, and the ultimate isn’t that unobtainable. And you don’t have to worry about money, because this could only ever exist as a proxy.

I’d be really interested to see how Teyo, Aegis Adept plays. I don’t think I’m likely to, outside of Arena-based cubes, with the whole stigma around these cards and the added layer of having to proxy them. But in an Arena cube, with a restricted list of cards he’s competing with (It’s Adversary of Tyrants forward), he could really shine.

 This concludes White Walkers, the post. Please join next week when we discuss Blue Walkers. Make your own Game of Thrones joke here, I haven’t watched or read it.

[ramblingkat]

This is the start of a story I’m working on. That isn’t my time travel UraIchi. Or more visored!Kisuke. Or Muramasa vs Benihime. Or any of the -other- fics I should be working on. >.> Once I have a chance to proof it and do some editing, it’ll be posted to my AO3 account. 

The battle was raging. Aizen had spent the months before creating. So when he decided the next battle was going to happen, he was prepared. 

While they had managed to win the battle in winter, driving the other off injured and minus most of his people, Kisuke knew that it was not the end. While some people tried to claim there was no way the man could have survived the damage Ichigo caused, Kisuke was tempted to throw his hands up and let Aizen deal with all of them.

Ichigo made him choke by asking how so many people could have been dropped on their heads as children. 

But what they had taken to calling the Winter Was was only the first real battle. 

What had gone on with the Hogyoku, he still had no idea. Aizen had bragged of bending the item to his will, but that couldn’t be accurate. If that was the case, he wouldn’t have almost died at Gin’s hand. 

The party that assaulted Las Noches had done a great deal of damage to Aizen’s army left behind, and the shinigami who had battled in fake Karakura Town had done a lot of damage as well. Kisuke had recommended tracking down the man and finishing the job before he could recover. 

Yamamoto had declined. Too many of their own were injured to be able to go after Aizen and to continue their regular duties. Kisuke never wanted to strangle the old man more. 

Which was what led them to this. No warning, just the skies opening over Karakura and dozens of arrancar pouring out. 

This was an all hands on call situation. He left Tessai to rouse the shinigami, and tore out himself after Ichigo and his friends. 

Because they wouldn’t stand aside and let their town burn. 

He was happy he had made the effort to collect all of Ichigo’s friends who wanted to know how to fight and taught them. Not the big flashy things, that would never work. That would be like teaching Hiyori how to be a simpering noble. No, he found things that suited their talents and skills. 

In doing so, he dug up a lot of old training that would probably get him killed simply because he was teaching it to others. 

That didn’t matter, as long as it gave them a chance to survive. 

Not all were fighters. Some were much better suited for support, and he left them to it. 

He was a fighter. 

Front line combat was not his preferred method. If he had the choice, Kisuke would have much rather hunted Aizen down and slit his throat. Not let him build his strength back up. 

Next time, he was going to listen to his own instincts and tell Yamamoto to fuck off. 

He joined in just in time to take off the arm of someone making a grab for Orihime. Seemed like they were targeting the healer. Smart. She had gotten better about proper defense, and so he wasn’t needed there for long. A rain of arrows dealt with the last few. Nodding at the Quincy, Kisuke took off again. Orihime and Ishida worked well together, and ranged combat was their strength. 

He continued forward, passing over Tatsuki and Chad. It warmed the heart to see them taking in the basics and applying them. Partnering up was just smart when you were dealing with large amounts of enemies. He was so proud of them. 

But Kisuke’s attention was focused on the roiling knot of reiatsu that threatened everything in its space. There were Aizen, watching as several of his creations and Ichigo battled, blades flashing against each other. Around them was a healthy space where most creatures did not dare tread. Only the strongest fought Ichigo. The weak would simply dissolve from the pure force Aizen and Ichigo put out. 

Kisuke had no such fear. 

He was slowed down by some of the mass that Aizen had brought with him. Either they were there to keep anyone from getting close, or they had been looking for him. They swarmed at him, and Kisuke was very thankful he kept up his own training. He broke free, heading for the battle. 

In his chest, he felt himself being tugged forward. There was nothing else he could call it. Something there pulled at him, and he was sure he knew what it was. 

Not something he could deal with at the moment. All of his attention was getting up there to watch Ichigo’s back. 

Benihime took off the arm and head of one of the arrancar, and he smiled. “Ah, Ichigo-san. You were late for our date. Now I find you playing with some other man.”

The nose wrinkle he got for that was totally worth the huff he also got. 

“He’s not blond enough for me,” Ichigo replied lazily, taking out an arrancar of his own. This lot seemed weaker than the last lot. But it might just be in Kisuke’s head. After all, he did only face a few on his own. 

That didn’t mean they didn’t make up for it with numbers. The arrancar swarmed, not too coordinated. They got in each others way. Just as well, it was hard to track all of them.  The entire scene was madness, and he could feel Ichigo curling his reiatsu in tight. He braced himself, ready to stand by Ichigo. He knew what the other was doing. 

He was about to turn himself into a reiatsu bomb, really. Clear the space around them and get some room. 

Kisuke just had to give him the chance to get it together. 

He knocked aside one blade, cut through a neck with a smooth continuation of the same stroke, and tossed a kido off with another flick of fingers. 

The next split second was in a series of images. A more animalistic arrancar about to bring claws down on Ichigo’s skull. A flash of a zanpakuto, with Aizen smiling behind it. The realization he could stop one. He couldn’t grab Ichigo. He could dodge the attack, or he could defend Ichigo. 

There really wasn’t any choice. 

He felt Benihime glide through the arrancar’s arm, even as Kyoka Suigetsu slid home. 

Kisuke felt the shock radiate from Ichigo. It was almost stronger than the blade in his chest. 

Then the world exploded with a bone rattling roar. 

[tvdversefanfiction]

Thoughts on Legacies Season 3 Episode 2

Warning: Spoilers Ahead, if you have not watched the second episode of the third season I highly suggest not reading this post until you do.

THOUGHTS ON EPISODE ONE

“Goodbyes Sure Do Suck”

First up is the confession that I am still not over Chad’s death although I recently read an interview with EP Brett Matthews that has given me some hope I may see Chad again one day but at the same time the necromancer playing with his skull was just too soon and I must admit it kind of sunk that little ship I had between them both.

Raphael’s gone! Or at the very least he is gone for now, after underusing then misusing Raphael in Season 2, then giving him royal heritage in the premiere and now dumping his ass in the prison world it really makes me think the writers do not have a clue what they want to do with him, yet they want the character’s brother bond with Landon and his pining for Hope and although I do enjoy his bromance with Landon I’m not here for Rope (still unsure if that is the right ship name) 

So, if this is Raphael’s character leaving for good then I’m chuffed but then if it’s a little hiatus then I wish that they give him enough of a break to give the writing team some real time to build up his character and get some kind of direction going for him other than popping up to linger over Hope or bro talk with Landon then popping away again.

I am thrilled Raphael’s in a prison world with his biological parents making up for lost time and truly believing that is a fitting end or at least a fitting hiatus if they do choose to bring him back later on in the season.

Now although I am somewhat happy about his ending I cannot help but admit the actual swansong for Raphael was just so abysmal for me, we just had not seen enough of him with anyone other than Landon or Hope to really give a damn about everyone else’s reactions minus Jed who really did shine for me this episode by finding Raphael’s dad (wish there were more wolf pack scenes)

Lizzie’s scene with Raphael was the first time I ever stopped and thought you know what I would not hate it, purely because anyone recognizing Lizzie’s excellence makes me happy but still more chemistry than Raphael and Hope but at the same time I was rooting for Raphael and Josie before they began pushing the Rope thing. 

I know I have already talked a lot about Raphael but this whole episode centered around him so I think that it is fitting for my thoughts to also be focused around his character but there were some other moments in this episode not about him like Alyssa and the necromancer for example.

Can I just say I love the fact Alyssa a teenaged witch totally schooled the centuries old necromancer on thinking about the bigger picture? I love the pure cheesy villain vibes that the necromancer gives me in every scene and the addition of Alyssa is just genius for pure cheese! (She may have even grown on me)

Also, Alyssa’s grand plan about unleashing all the monsters is a great week to keep the monster of the week format which works for the show about 50% of the time while finally giving us Malivore which excites me more because I just want the mud man storyline over with already, also I am kind of hoping beyond hope that Clarke may make a comeback, that little devil grew on me in the second season and I am willing to admit that.

Sheriff Mac and Alaric’s scene were hot and cold for me, mainly because the character Alaric has not been a hit for me since about season six of the vampire diaries but on the plus side I like his little collaboration with the Sheriff this episode. Sheriff Mac is growing on me and I truly believe future episodes with her and Alaric could bring something more to this show and possibly even make me fall back in love with Alaric. (Emphasis on possibly)

This episode in general was a big improvement from the season three premiere although if you read my review about that particular episode then the admission that I prefer this episode is most definitely not a surprise to anyone!

NOTABLE MENTIONS

1) There’s a new prison world which could open up several possibilities like prison world jumping which gets me to thinking, Bonnie created a prison world for Enzo did she not? (Cameo please)

2) Raphael’s gone and they finally did some good by giving him a fitting ending. (Is it the end though?)

3) Alyssa’s team up with the necromancer could lead to some exciting storylines (As well as ending the mud man storyline)

4) Next week is the musical episode based around The Vampire Diaries (The trailer looks so awful it may actually be good)

5) I’ve definitely softened towards Alyssa mostly because of her cunning ways (Last week it was MG, what’s happening to me?)

Episode Rating - 3.5/5 (Definite improvement)

[the-mango-ninja]

I wanna make an incel hylian shield vs chad ancient shield with the durability of a hylian shield that’s been used once meme but i don’t wanna do photo editing right now so i’ll just explain my main points.

ok so first of all. the most obvious point: GUARDIANS. yes. the hylian shield can tank hits from these beasts. it deflects them. if youre too late on a parry you can try again. but. the fucking ancient shield. it’s main benefit? IT REFLECTS THESE ATTACKS. not deflects. REFLECTS. no more parrying too early and getting hit! no more perfect timing! just hold out your shield and call them a bitch to their face! what are they gonna do? jack shit!

on to shield surfing. the hylian shield? sucks ass. the ancient shield? 2ND BEST, ONLY BEHIND THE RADIANT SHIELD. you want some dope ass protection and a sweet ride, you go ancient.

“oh, but the durability” WAIT. remember what i said at the start? i didn’t just say ancient shield. i said ancient shield with the durability of a hylian shield that’s been used once. “but how is that possible? and doesn’t that make the hylian shield have more durability than the ancient shield, giving it a win in that category?” Technically, yes, but if you’re going up against guardians all the time like a fucking badass with time to kill, being too late on a parry with the hylian shield will knock off a whole chunk of durability. reflecting with the ancient shield is effortless and only takes one durability point. that’ll make it last a WHOLE lot longer especially if you’re not 100% great with your parries like I am.

“but how do you get the durability that high in the first place?” with a simple glitch known as menu overloading. this is a very versatile glitch, allowing for things such as: hold smuggling, duplication, and durability transfer.

how do you do it? well, for such a big glitch, it’s actually pretty simple: you’ll just need 5-7 multi shot bows(if your at the point where you’re glitching the game and not feeling bad about it, then you should be good enough to kill a bunch of lynels, right?) and at least one shock arrow. now: equip a fresh hylian shield or whatever durability shield you want to transfer the durability from. equip a multi shot bow and a shock arrow. tap right trigger to pull the bow out(don’t fire it unless you wanna lose a shock arrow but hey that’s your choice i don’t control your life.) open your inventory. drop the bow you’re holding. equip another bow. close your inventory. open it again. drop the bow, equip another. close it. repeat until link’s clothes and/or hair and/or other body parts disappear. go to your shields tab. try to equip the ancient shield. you’ll know it worked if the equip sound doesn’t play. it’ll probably work if whatever’s left of link in the inventory preview doesn’t have any weapons or shields visually on him. close the inventory menu. if link still looks like he has the high durability shield, you’ve done it. now all that’s left to do is update the durability value. make sure you’re not on sand or snow, or it won’t work, so find some rocks. if you’re nowhere near snow or the desert, you’re good to go. hold out your shield with the left trigger. without holding the joysticks, jump and press A to “ride” it. link should land on it and immediately get off, because he has absolutely no momentum. this will update the durability. the durability of the durable shield will not change, but the durability of the shield you’re transferring to will be the durability of the durable shield minus one. so, for the ultimate shield, equip a fresh hylian shield and transfer to an ancient shield. (you can also duplicate the buffed-up ancient shield, but this paragraph is way too long already.)

yeah you didn’t read any of that. i don’t blame you. here’s a video that explains it better anyways. plus, it has visuals.

and finally. the final point:

ancient shield glows in the dark. hylian shield doesn’t. need i say more?

[kicacris]

So parents (minus George) know each other? What do they think of one other?

Yes, they’re all neighbors after all! 

- They all collectively agree the Dicksons are the weirdest of the bunch but they are all still friends with them

- The Banderas and the Mckenzies constantly compete on which family makes the best barbecue party (Latinamericans vs Greeks, that’s gotta be LOUD lol)

- The moms have weekly meetings at Maurice’s house to chat, gossip, drink wine, but most importantly, keep Maurice’s mom company (they have been doing this since Maurice’s dad left to serve in the army)

- Funny enough, Mr. Dickson and Mr. Banderas are best friends and like to watch soccer and football matches together. Mr. Williems usually joins them whenever he’s in town.

-There is always a big party in the neighborhood whenever Mr. Williems come to visit his family

-Mr. Williems would love to recommend Mrs. Dickson for the military weaponry development program (Sector Alpha collectively doesn’t approve this and have sabotaged his intentions a couple of times).

-Mrs. Mackenzie and Mrs. Dickson like to share a lot about science and educational topics 

-Mrs. Williems loves to learn new foreign recipes with Mrs. Banderas and Mrs. Mackenzie.

-Mrs. Dickson used to have horrible cooking skills until Mrs. Williem started to help her out by teaching her some basics. Chad is forever grateful to her, he was convinced his mom was going to accidentally poison him and his dad one day.

They are pretty much a light funny version of “Desperate Housewives” cast lol (I should come with names for the parents now that I think about it) 

[bittysvalentines]

fins to the left, fins to the right

rating: general categories: F/M words: 1.2k ship: charmer summary: “Caitlin is having a pretty horrific hockey game date. Things only seem to be worsening when they show up on the Sharks Kiss Cam.” tags: NHL Player Chris “Chowder” Chow, SJ Sharkie Chowder, Meet-Cute, Kiss Cam

read on ao3

to @loveyoutoobits

i hope you enjoy this as much as i enjoyed writing this! c: from @corgiberus (numberfifteenjersey on ao3)

Caitlin was on the worst date she had ever been on in her life. Her date, a lacrosse player she first met at college back in Massachusetts, invited her to a Sharks game, only to be engrossed in his phone nearly the entire time. Sure, she reasoned that things come up and you just can’t ignore it, but he had been chattering away into his phone literally the entire time. Would you not at least apologize to your date for something like that, and at the most just leave and let your date enjoy the game on their own for free and for their time?

He had tried, she supposed. He invited her to the game in the first place, although she wasn’t quite sure he remembered that she liked the Sharks; he was, after all, decked out in full Aces merch and memorabilia. Before the game, he bought them some nachos with salsa and queso to share and then both of them their own sodas; although, when she offhandedly wondered if they had ginger ale, he shrugged her off and bought her a Sprite instead. He had done it under the reasoning that it was the same as, or at least just as good as, ginger ale. Which, was absolutely wrong, but she was not about to get in a fight over carbonated drinks in the concession line when plenty of others were in line and wanted to get food as well.

Minus the Aces fan bit, and the thing about Sprite vs Ginger Ale, and the constant ignoring her for his phone, her date had been running pretty well. (Obviously, there wasn’t much else for her to go off of.) Things really soured when the Kiss Cam rolled around, though.

After two older couples, Caitlin and Chad happened to be the third couple to appear on the Sharks Kiss Cam. Catching a view of herself and her date on the big screen, Cait of course eagerly tried to get Chad’s attention.

“Chad! Chad, look!” Swatting his arm a few times playfully, Caitlin grinned in excitement as she hoped for her date notice their big screen debut. He easily brushed her off by giving her that ‘one-second’ hand signal, so she herself easily brushed that off. He’d set his phone down soon enough, they’d have their once-in-a-lifetime moment on the Kiss Cam, and everything about the date would be a-okay.

The Sharks crowd camera team passed through three more couples before Caitlin and Chad made a reappearance. Cait obviously tried again to get his attention, still wearing that eager and optimistic smile that she had had the first time around.

“Chad, it’ll take just one second! Just look up!”

“Hold on,” Chad scolded her lightly through gritted teeth, gesturing to her and then his phone with that ‘ one-second’ sign again before returning to his incessant chattering.

Fed up but not wanting to make a huge scene, she looked away and laughed it off. What was this date to him, a joke? An excuse to jabber incessantly beside her, as an amazing game between Las Vegas and San Jose went down below unbeknownst to him? What a prick, an absolute douche canoe, the biggest bag of dicks.

Five more couples got their chance. Then the embarrassing hockey date-gone-awry popped up once more. But this time around, Caitlin was not happy about her date’s oblivion to their appearance and was definitely unafraid to show the fact.

“Chad,” Caitlin repeated once more irritably, roughly jostling the jock to try and get his attention one last time for the Kiss Cam.

“What?!” He immediately and finally snapped, head moving away from his smartphone more than two inches for the first time in the entire game. “Good grief, Katy. It’s a damn important call, what could be so great or fantastic that you have to bother me three times!?”

Cait held her tongue on both explaining how strangely beautiful hockey could be and correcting him on her name. She could somehow sense the fact he even spelled it with a ‘K’ and a ‘y’ over a ‘C’ and an ‘ie’, which quite honestly ticked her off even more. This date had been absolutely horrendous, and she really wanted to cry, but she resisted. She was absolutely not, under zero circumstances, crying on the Kiss Cam. Instead, she just angrily huffed and fell back into her seat, trying hard not to crush the stupid Sprite that Chad thought would be the same as, or at least just as good as, ginger ale in her hand.

All of a sudden, though, SJ Sharkie stood beside their seats, and he quickly leaned over Cait in order to promptly smack Chad over the head. He then gently pulled Cait up from her seat, and sort of gestured toward her Sprite in order to take it from her to pour it over Chad’s head. She shook her head and pushed his gloved hand away, though, and then completely just upended the soda over his head before throwing the cup down to the ground.

Since his soda plan had fallen through, Sharkie instead took the remaining nachos with queso and salsa and threw them into Chad’s face with just as much as fire and force in it as Caitlin had had with her Sprite. Then, wanting to get the poor girl out of the situation as much as she did herself, Sharkie picked up a one singular Caitlin Farmer in a bridal-style carry and booked it up the stairs. Chad was thus left in the dust, still on screen for a moment, to assess damage to both his pride and his reputation.

Sharkie didn’t stop running with Cait in his arms until they were far enough from the scene of the crime to be safe, to which then he finally set the poor bewildered Sharks fan down.

“Are you okay?” The costumer finally spoke, huffing and puffing to himself slightly in overexertion.

“Yeah, I’m okay.” Caitlin smiled. “Thanks for getting me out of there, that dude’s honestly a huge prick. I have no clue why I let him take me on a date.”

“More like he took his phone on a date and you just third-wheeled. Plus, it’s fine! I’m glad to have been your savior from an Aces’ fan.” Sharkie faux shuddered beneath the costume, clearly still sticking with the Las Vegas hating that the players carried.

“Well then, can I see my savior’s face? Gotta be able to put a face to the shark for my friends.“ Caitlin smirked, half amused by just talking to the wide-mouthed shark head of SJ Sharkie.

“Nuh-uh,” Sharkie shook his head, the mouth slightly bopping up and down with the movement, “Not while the game’s still on and I’m on SAP Arena grounds.”

“Oh, gotcha.” Caitlin hummed in understanding, despite a vague feeling of disappointment eating at her. “His name’s Chad. He played lacrosse for my college,” She explains without Sharkie even asking her, somehow sensing his curiosity even beneath the Sharkie exterior, “I played volleyball. Sports hookup, y'know?”

Sharkie barked out in laughter, immediately reminded of some two very close friends of his. “Yeah, I definitely know.” He grinned beneath the mascot head even though Cait couldn’t see it. “Hey, I have to go, but… can I give you my number? Maybe I can rescue you from more bad dates some other day.”

“Uh, yeah, sure.” Now it was Cait’s turn to laugh. “Hey, since you’re giving me your number, can I get your name? Feels weird just calling you, y'know. Sharkie.”

“Uh… just put me in as Shark Chowder. I can explain it later.”

[homo-pink]

Sweetness, are you leaving tumblr, and if so, are there any other sites I can follow you on? With love and kisses, prettymouth xx

not leaving, no. at least not of my own accord. if i’m shoved out, then that’ll be something else. or if that ‘rescue plan’ ends up being a thing and everyone is actually moved over to whatever that other site is as a whole, if that’s truly possible, then i’ll head that way. but i do exist in a few other places, even if only loosely so.

ao3: homo_pinkpillowfort: homopink  (still just a blank area as of now, though)twitter: homopink 

and to keep everything of this nature more or less organized, i’m gonna toss in the other bits from my inbox here, too.

do you plan to delete your blog? i think i’ll miss you too much 3

you are such a sweetheart. i’ll be here for as long as i can, though. distressed and devastated over the loss of all the naked things i gravitate to most for quiet comfort and steady inspiration, but here.

What’s your pillofort?

mostly the same as here, only minus the hyphen because tumblr taught me a hard lesson about the dash in my name that i won’t soon forget. although there’s nothing actually over there since i don’t know my way around and i’m not sure if/when i’ll be using it so it exists in a maybe-one-day-if-i-need-it way.

but i’m here: homopink

and if anyone would like to drop their username so i can follow over there in the eventuality that i’ll need to fully move, please do. 

so scared of losing you and this community, especially the coven of depravity

@saltandbyrne has said her goodbyes but she’ll still be around on various other sites (with the same name) so definitely follow her. she isn’t someone i’d ever want to lose track of either. @exaggeratedspecificity is also leaving on the 17th as are her various other blogs — @brotherslovershunters and @fuckpigband 💔 and her porn blog, too—but she’s on twitter @ gojyochan and on ao3 here. here’s dolly’s ao3 as well and the whole collection of works in the fuckpig world.

if anything happens to my small space here, i’m still pretty easily found. 

and even when the piggy blog and the rest of it goes, know that hard-to-love jared and his easy-to-fuck little jenny are still out there on the road somewhere with skanky matching couples’ tattoos, trying not to get their dirty asses thrown in the slammer for indecency and public perversion, stinking up the bus with their constant, noisy romance, and that they’re in love, big in love, and jared is, for the first true time,—secretly, privately—happy. he thinks it’s a secret. even the roadies can all tell, though. how gross he is over that little bottle blonde kid with the crop tops and trashed up ho knees. it’s the kind of shit you write songs about, you know? music to be eaten out to. (jeff’s got him a line of honeywet boys and adri’s got herself a gang of good girls and one really bad, really sweet one. momo’s at peace and his highly regarded dick is never lonely. chad’s still chad.)

thank you for thinking of us and please know we’re thinking of you, too. thinking of everyone who showed that sick little pig world any amount of love, waited for the stories, created art for it, captured its style in mood boards, took time to leave comments and ask questions and let us write all the squirmy, raw things we wanted to write for as long as we wanted to write them. you’d all have gotten backstage passes and a possible fingering by the whole band. 💋🐽 extra thank yous to hellhoundsprey for the steady stream of gorg visuals they created for us and to barnsburntdownnow for smoothly and tirelessly running that beast of a blog. 

amazon-me-bitches: when the covan of depravity decide where you guys are moving to will you post it so i can still get my fill of Twinky Jensen/wincest things. please and thank you

i think most of us (all of us?) have backup pillowforts but even if they never get used, please do come find us elsewhere. ao3 is the safest bet, really. 

[the-iron-fjord]

The 7 Hour Toonami Challenge is complete!

Dragon Ball Z Kai

Goku’s a good-ish dad, and his brother the Rad Lad reveals that Goku’s a monkey alien man sent to destroy Earth

My Hero Academia

Midoriya fights someone with the literal power to brainwash people, and wins by breaking his fingers. Todoroki hates his dad, and Ochaco is presh.

Spqjow;rldska

Is on at 10PM and still sucks. Tsunade eats up to prevent becoming an old hag. Naruto is cucked from his ramen, and he finds out that there’s a toad inside him, and he may or may not have to kill Sauce.

Bort

Nullifies all Shitpudding stuff, starring Naruto’s Son, Bort. Some nerd named Denki gets possessed by a shadow and tries to kill his bullies with his train car keikaku. Bort is an obnoxious little shit like his old man, and Hinata is eternal best girl, and Suckura can go die in a firey pit.

Dragon Ball Super

Goku fights Furryman Bergamo, who makes himself bigger with every blow he takes. Goku makes the dumbass too big and beats him. Pride Trooper from Universe 11 Toppo calls Goku out, and beat his ass.

FLCL Alternative

Kana has a crush on the basketball waterboy, and Haruko moves in on that to harvest the forehead creatures that dwell within Kana. Mossan is best girl.

Attack on Shit

More Ice Dungeon BDSM, Kenny, Based Pixis, and Eren’s dad is a Titan that killed people.

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure

Koichi meets the local conman, whose named after balls, and his Mom and Sis get guilt-ridden by his lies, and his Stand. Koichi goes Legendary Super Saiyan, and unlocks his stand, Reverb Echoes to use weaponized onomatopoeia to make Balls man his bitch.

Black Clover

The Black Bulls (minus Marilyn Manson) go to the beach for sun and fun. Noelle tries to tsunderely attract Asta with her new bathing suit, while Chadsta goes for a run. Sisterfucker is Sisterfucker, and Black Bull Sanji strikes out (but helps to manage knock out Haha). Yami gets the rest of the Bulls to stay on mission, which leads to Asta and Noelle meeting a moonlight siren.

Hunter x Hunter

The assault on the ants continues, with Shoot giving Chad a run for his money, Killua wasting ants with Yo-Yos, and Pouf acting like a melodramatic bitch.

One Punch Man

Saitama destroys a meteor (and the city), and a bunch of people are pissed off at him.

Lupin the 3rd

Lupin and crew help a lesbian doggo find her master, but the bitch doesn’t want to live with that fat bitch, and decides to find some young female tourists.

Cowboy Bebop

Ed leaves the crew with her father, and Faye tries to discover her forgotten past. Spike gets a basket of eggs.

Samurai Jack

Little boy Jack travels the world, and grows up to become a fine warrior, to defeat the evil Aku (boy isn’t that redundant), but gets flung into the far future by the evil shadow beast.

And that’s Toonami for tonight! It was fun watching 7 hours of anime goodness (I kinda phoned it in on the last 2 hours) but with 14 shows on the block, here’s hoping for good replacements in the future. Have a good night Toonami Faithful!

[closetofanxiety]

NXT to the Main Roster: A Haphazard Examination, Part 2 (2016)

More wrestlers went from NXT to the main roster(s) in 2016 than in any other year, so I want to examine it separately in my ongoing question to determine whether getting a coveted spot on Raw or Smackdown (or a less coveted spot on 205 Live) likely means stagnation and disappointment. Again, the grades here are for the way these wrestlers have been presented to the WWE audience, not for the wrestlers themselves. Except, I guess, for the F handed out to Big Cass.

Sami Zayn

Call-up date: January 24. The perfect underdog babyface at the top of the card in NXT (a role they’re currently trying to give Johnny Gargano), Zayn has had a respectable but mostly unspectacular run on the big shows. While they were never going to build main event storylines around him the way NXT did, after his initial feud with eternal lifemate Kevin Owens, he kind of drifted around the middle of the pack without a clear character or motivation. Hampered by injuries, his heel turn was initially masterfully handled: by saving Kevin Owens from Shane McMahon, Zayn was, in the immediate aftermath, allowed to seem conflicted, uncertain, and anxious about what he’d done. It looked like there was going to be real character development, and then, in a few months, he was challenging Bobby Lashley to obstacle course races. 

Grade: C

Eva Marie

Call-up date: March 28. WE DIDN’T DESERVE HER. She could have been a sensational, crowd-baiting heel, as she was LOATHED by the super nerds in the WWE audience, who hated that she couldn’t wrestle and was only getting pushed for her looks. I mean, the same was true of Lex Luger ZING. Anyway, it wasn’t too be, and we’re left to wonder what could have been.

Grade: F/Incomplete

Baron Corbin

Call-up date: April 3. Big Banter has grown into the role that is probably the top-dollar best he can hope for in the WWE: a sneering heel near the top of the midcard who can talk well and wrestle well. He’s a plug-and-play guy for babyfaces who are being kept on the stove while the main event picture sorts itself out, and he does great at it. I saw Baron Corbin wrestle Tommy Dreamer at an NXT show in Albany once and thought, “This guy suxxxx.” But he has proved me wrong! Good for Big Breakfast Constable Corbin.

Grade: B+

Enzo Amore

Call-up date: April 4. I’ll go on record as saying he was used well as the shitty heel champion in 205 Live. Everyone hated him, and that was his role. That was probably his ceiling: top hate figure on the ‘C’ show, but we’ll never know.

Grade: F/Incomplete

Big Cass

Call-up date: April 4. His attitude and behavior must have really been something for Vince McMahon, The Big Man Liker, to so quickly part with a big man who could talk and was at least more adept in the ring than, say, the Great Khali. After the split with Enzo, they didn’t really seem to know what they were doing with him, so I’m not entirely sure we missed out on a legendary career or anything.

Grade: F/Incomplete

Apollo Crews

Call-up date: April 4. This decision remains a head scratcher. Crews made his NXT TV debut on August 22, 2015, and in less than eight months, was debuting on Raw. Although he’s an incredibly talented wrestler, I don’t know that his NXT stint was quite the rocket to the top that would justify this. Since his debut, he’s been totally lost in the shuffle and without a discernible character. His most significant match to date was a losing bid for the Intercontinental championship against The Miz on an episode of Smackdown. The Titus Worldwide stuff has helped, but not much.

Grade: C-/D+

Aiden English

Call-up date: April 7. Rusev DAAAAYYYEH. If it weren’t for his alliance with Big Matchka, English would be staring down the barrel of a D+. Initially arrived on the main roster as a tag team with Simon Gotch, the two had an undistinguished run that included Smackdown tag title tournament losses to the Hype Bros and Breezango. Now that he’s the guy who stiffly raps before Rusev comes out, English is basking in his Mizdow Moment. When it ends, though, what will become of the Operatic Superstar?

Grade: C-

Simon Gotch

Call-up date: April 7. His gimmick had a lot of potential: the super old-timey wrestler in a postmodern, post-kayfabe world. It never really got off the ground, though, and while his team with Aiden English worked at Full Sail, Vince’s dim view of tag teams generally, plus the material they were given, meant it didn’t have much of a shot on the big stage. WWE let the trademark on his name expire, which tells you a lot.

Grade: F

Dana Brooke

Call-up date: May 9. After kind of a hot start that I’ve largely forgotten - she was heel Charlotte’s protege, remember? - she quickly settled into the rut of main roster women’s booking, which tends to consist of two women fighting over the title and then everyone else forming an amorphous backdrop, occasionally emerging for random six-person tags involving the main eventers. Dana did eliminate Kairi Sane at the first-ever Women’s Royal Rumble, so that’s something, I guess. Since November, she’s been one of the few people in the company with a manager role, as an Alexandra York figure in Titus Worldwide. 

Grade: C-

Mojo Rawley

Call-up date: July 24. Did you know Zack Ryder’s been in the WWE system since 2006? He’s incredible. He’s like one of those NBA guys who you see playing five minutes in a playoff game, years after you assumed they had retired. Anyway, Mojo Rawley. He’s done as well as he’s ever likely to do, destroying Ryder after a heel turn, feuding with No Way Jose, and no longer being hyped. His main roster run hasn’t been disappointing, largely because his NXT run was about the same thing, minus the heel turn.

Grade: C

Nia Jax

Call-up date: July 25. Rock’s cousin or no, she’s managed to remain above the midcard scrum in the women’s division by having a unique look, as the only credible monster in the locker room. She has the problem that all monsters have sooner or later, which is: what do they do after getting beaten? In her case, it was a clumsy face turn in a bullying-themed angle with Alexa Bliss that didn’t do much for either woman. Still, because of her size and ability, she’s always somewhere near the top of the card, something that’s unlikely to change.

Grade: B

Finn Bálor

Call-up date: July 25. To my mind, he’s one of the few wrestlers who’s been better served on the main roster than he was in NXT. He’s the longest-reigning NXT champion so far, but his tenure there seems largely forgettable apart from his Beast in the East match against Kevin Owens and the bloodbath against Samoa Joe at Takeover: Dallas. On the main roster, he’s regularly near the top of the card, with his painted demon character receiving the holy-shit treatment, as we saw at SummerSlam. He’s become one of their most recognizable stars and the company clearly loves him.

Grade: A

Alexa Bliss

Call-up date: July 26. One of the best examples I can think of that demonstrates how a turn can elevate a wrestler, she went from boring, sparkly cheerleader to the top woman in NXT by becoming a heel. Initially the manager of the lookalike midcard tag team of Make and Blurphy, it was clear from the start she was bound for greater things. She’s been the signal success story of the WWE System in developing stars, as opposed to repackaging stars from the indies, Japan, and Mexico: Bliss is, if not quite a mainstream star, one of the most recognizable women in the company, constantly on top of the women’s roster, and winning raves for her incredible microphone work. Nerds who complain she isn’t good at wrestling probably wouldn’t have understood Abdullah the Butcher either.

Grade: A+

Carmella

Call-up date: July 26. OH THE IRONY! When she managed Enzo and Big Cass in NXT, she was despised by the Full Sail nerds, who would chant “you can’t wrestle” at her. Two years later, and here we are: Real1 is making unlistenable hip hop tracks for his Instagram stories, Big Cazz is set to make his indie debut for Big Time Wrestling in Spartanburg, S.C., and Carmella is coming off a 131-day run as Smackdown Women’s Champion, having beaten Asuka in matches on pay-per-view and free TV. She’s not at Alexa’s level as a heel - not many people are - but she’s done a great job of establishing herself in a women’s roster that suffers from way too many bland characters and storylines.

Grade: B+/A-

Jason Jordan

Call-up date: August 2. Listen, Vince hates tag teams. American Alpha was a red-hot team in NXT, where they got over thanks to their phenomenal work inside the ring. But even there, they were kind of bland as individuals. On the main roster, where tag teams rarely last, this spelled trouble. Jordan has been hampered by injuries, but even without that he’s a man adrift, the highlight of his tenure so far being the kayfabe revelation that he’s Kurt Angle’s son, which has mostly been treated as an afterthought. 

Grade: D

Chad Gable

Call-up date: August 2. Second verse, same as the first. They tried to spark some of that American Alpha magic after disbanding American Alpha by pairing Gable with Shelton Benjamin, with predictable results. I don’t think Gable’s been on television since May, and he’s not injured. He apparently feuded with Mike Kanellis on Main Event back in June, to give you some idea. He taped a thing for WWE’s social media channels with amateur wrestling god Dan Gable, which I liked, so there’s that.

Grade: D

Bayley

Call-up date: August 22. I will admit here that I did not “get” her gimmick in NXT. It just always seemed vaguely unsettling, and now we know that it led to the Cult of Izzy. That aside, she had an undeniable connection with the audience, largely thanks to her palpable enthusiasm and tremendous in-ring skill. I never really bought the commonplace line that she could become the female John Cena, mostly because I think that underestimates how much of Cena’s appeal comes from the fact that half the audience hates him. But she’s a true-blue babyface in a company that doesn’t really know what to do with true-blue babyfaces, and so her main roster stint has been something of a disappointment. It’s weirdly fitting that she’s locked into this seemingly endless frenemies storyline with Sasha Banks, another woman who was adored in NXT and who hasn’t really found her footing on the main roster.

Grade: C

Rich Swann

Call-up date: September 19. He had his moments in 205 Live, but it was clear his off-kilter personality and presentation were not what they had in mind as the Face of the Division. They were trying to mold him into what they have with Mustafa Ali or Cedric Alexander, when they would have been better off trying to make Swann the Dean Ambrose of the cruiserweights. Instead, well, we know what happened instead.

Grade: F/Incomplete

Austin Aries

Call-up date: December 18. I have a theory that Vince McMahon thought Austin Aries was Bobby Roode, and that when they hired the real Bobby Roode, Vince immediately said, “Well, then who the fuck is this guy?” 

Grade: F

[alittledropofheaven]

On the internet, where people become data and popularity is conveniently quantified, it’s easy to learn what a community values most. Twitter embraces celebrities and #brands. Reddit stans for Barack Obama and elaborate pop-culture GIFs. Quora is an asylum of techies questioning their morality and their stock options; its second-most-upvoted answer is a “soul-satisfying” account of a sales bro helping a homeless man.

On the Bodybuilding.com forums, the two most popular threads of all time are not about deadlifts, intermittent fasting, or maintaining motivation. They’re about women. Specifically, women Bodybuilding.com members would “love to pound.” While one thread features pictures of “petite/slim girls” and the other of “athletic girls,” both are an endless stream of lightly Photoshopped near-nudity and predictably lecherous comments. Both have been viewed almost 3 million times. And both are on the lone section of the Bodybuilding.com forums that’s explicitly unrelated to fitness: the Misc.

“Participate at your own risk, some content NSFW,” reads the description of the Misc. on the forums’ homepage. “U Aware?”

The number of people who are Aware, it turns out, is over 16 million. As of January 2018, these members of Bodybuilding.com have made more than 137 million posts on the forums, including 90 million on the Misc. The forums first became active in 2000, a time before Wikipedia and when “Skype” was neither app nor verb. Myspace—Myspace!—didn’t exist until three years later. The Misc., as the predominant section of an internet community with such immense popularity and longevity, has cemented its place near the top of Google’s search results for any query imaginable. To appropriate Rule 34, if it exists, there’s a Misc. thread for it. Online, at least, the Misc. is inescapable.

A cursory scroll through the Misc. reveals what it has in common with the still-popular internet communities it predates, Reddit and 4chan. There are the memes, comics, copypastas, acronyms, and slang recycled endlessly in a digital echo chamber largely devoid of moderation. There are the forum members—Miscers, they call themselves—who post, and post in, intentionally incendiary threads about whether tongue rings scream “cum dumpster” and how “Crossfit is gay,” then fan the flames for entertainment’s sake by doubling down on their inanity. There are moments ofuproarious, absurd, gut-busting idiocy. There are ideology-clarifying usernames (RICHSTRONG, MinisterOfLust, weightsb4dates, WishIWasJawBrah, MericaThatsWhy) and statement-making profile pictures (deliberately titillating yet invariably off-putting abdominal shots, monochromatic selfies, strategically underlit bicep closeups). There are trolls surely seething and/or laughing maniacally, their keystrokes like machine-gun fire, as they launch poorly punctuated ad-hominem attacks and, at their most destructive, encourage people to commit suicide. There are sexists, racists, xenophobes, and homophobes. There is the sense of being in a parochial, patriarchal madhouse where decorum has gone to die.

What emerges, when you spend enough time on the Misc., is a ghoulish portrait of a place that embodies the white, male id currently at the helm of S.S. America. The Misc. is a stone-faced Uncle Sam with Popeye’s forearms and a cocked pistol in each hand. It’s a screeching bald eagle with a foreign Bad Thing in its talons. It’s everything that defines America’s bro culture, magnified and weaponized. But it’s deeper than that.

“Bro-merican” culture is largely defined by the stratification of power and status, both real and imagined. So, too, is Bodybuilding.com, where a power imbalance is embedded in the structure and design of the site’s forums. Unlike on 4chan, where all posts are anonymous and ephemeral, or on Reddit, where the grand sum of a user’s upvotes has little value, Bodybuilding.com members’ reputation points, or “reps,” mediate and deeply influence community interactions. While reps are similar to Facebook likes—weighted such that getting either “repped” or “negged” by a user with hundreds of thousands of reps will drastically affect your own rep count—they function as the Misc.’s de facto currency. Your rep count is displayed next to your every post. It’s like your bank account balance flashing on your forehead whenever you speak.

Bullying by those with power (high-rep Miscers) and obsequiousness by those without it (low-rep Miscers) is rampant. Getting negged by a high-rep Miscer means potentially becoming a “red,” a user with negative reputation points, displayed beneath your username as a gradated red bar as jarring as a stop sign. If you’re a red, you’re a second-class citizen. Your posts might as well come with a disclosure: “I’m a worthless idiot. Please listen to absolutely nothing I say.”

The opinions and caprices of high-rep “green” Miscers, then, dictate the forum’s personality. Any Miscer brave enough to post contrarian ideas—including, and especially, those that are liberal and feminist—is often negged into oblivion. Bad joke misses the mark? Negged. Sincere comment comes off as sarcastic? Negged. The Misc. is an echo chamber in which “greens” are given a megaphone and a gun.

But in contrast with Reddit and 4chan, the Misc. has been filtered through and molded by bodybuilding subculture, a set of beliefs and customs rooted in the many manifestations of stereotypical masculinity: egotism, aggression, hypersexuality, über-competitiveness, entitlement. Insecurity, intolerance, misogyny. Bodybuilding, after all, is not about functional strength but about vanity and surface appearances, how masculinity is projected to the world. It fosters narcissism by trading in cosmetic superlatives: the highest bicep peaks, the most vascular calves, the most extreme V-shaped back.

The Misc. applies this dog-eat-dog frame of mind to every topic. Everything is a masculinity- or dick-measuring contest. Including, of course, the actual dick-measuring contests, because Miscers are nothing if not cripplingly aware of their own inadequate manhood. Swears and slurs are censored but their creatively misspelled phonetic workarounds are not, which makes for a forum full of “kunts” talking “chit” and menacingly telling each other to “pepper your angus” (prepare your anus). The most recurrent insults all concern perceived masculinity, or lack thereof. “U mad bro?,” a popular retort, juxtaposes one-of-the-guys slang with the notion that showing emotion means demonstrating debilitating weakness. A real bro doesn’t get mad, he only gets testosterone-fueled revenge.

Near the bottom of the masculinity totem pole are “low-T beta manlets”—that is, short, shy, effeminate guys. Lower down are “phaggots,” a word that gets tossed around the Misc. like salt at a Sichuan restaurant. Lest any Miscer think you’re a “phucking phaggot,” all posts about personal care, fashion, home decoration, or how to look like a certain actor/model/bodybuilder are appended with “no homo.” Yet shaky Misc. logic dictates that even if you’re a gay man, there’s still someone you genetically out-alpha and who is, therefore, below you: a woman.

While the entire internet is teeming with horny men whose dark loneliness and insecurity wears the cloak of misogyny, they seem to be especially vocal, and in especially high numbers, on the Misc. Every other thread is a depressing question (“Think she’s faithful to him?”) or a charged statement (“Drunk Sex > Sober Sex”) about women—their bodies, hitting on them, their innate tendency to cheat—and sex—where to find it, how to go “no contact” after having it, why she is fucking him.

The Misc.’s ties to PUA (pickup artist) forums and Reddit’s /r/TheRedPill, a perniciously misogynist, anti-feminist Reddit community dedicated to “discussing sexual strategy in a culture increasingly lacking a positive identity for men,” are as well documented as they are unsurprising. One of PUA’s most frequent suggestions is to acquire “inner game,” or self-confidence through self-improvement. Miscers, being on what is ultimately a bodybuilding forum, have inverted that mantra—they’re going from the outside in. Look good, feel good.

Other elements of the manosphere, from cries of societal misandry to sexual techniques like kino escalation and shit-testing, permeate the Misc. All women are “thirsty sloots” to be conquered, their emotions and physical well-being to be toyed with for internet strangers’ entertainment. When, to the forum’s delight, a Miscer posts about a sexual conquest in lurid detail—a surefire way to rack up the reps—the verbs employed are barbaric: “took down,” “smashed,” “hit.” To have “oneitis,” or an obsessive and unrequited crush on one woman, is to be afflicted with a masculinity-destroying emotional disease, one that can be cured, naturally, by sexually subjugating another woman. Regardless of whether a Miscer is successful or is rejected in the pursuit of sex, the response is the same: “Sloots gonna sloot.”

Despite the Misc.’s obsession with women, it has the latent homoeroticism you’d expect of a website devoted to a male-dominated sport in which bronzed, muscled competitors get smeared with oil and put on thongs before preening onstage in front of other men. This is no more obvious than when discussing a “Chad.” While there is a 5,000-post thread asking what, exactly, defines a Chad, the consensus is that he’s shorthand for a tall, built, strong-jawed, big-dicked, thick-haired, financially successful, athletic, confident, funny, sociable man who, because of these eminently desirable qualities, has his pick of the XX-chromosome litter. You look at a Chad and say, “This guy fucks.” (The prototypical Miscer might be a “Sheldon,” minus any TV-driven connotations of high-level intelligence.) Rob “Gronk” Gronkowski is a stone-cold Chad. Chad Johnson of The Bachelor is a Chad, and not just in name. It’s no accident that “Chad” is one of the most generically white and straight names imaginable, nor that archetypal Chads are nearly always white and straight. The etymological origin of the name Chad is the Welsh word cad, meaning “battle,” a fact that would surely delight Miscers to no end.

The Misc.’s resident Chad is an Australian bodybuilder known by his Bodybuilding.com handle, Zyzz. In early 2010, Zyzz began regularly detailing his “aesthetic” lifestyle on the Misc. As the so-called and self-proclaimed “king of aesthetics,” and with the zingy catchphrases “U mirin’ brah?” and “U jelly?,” Zyzz became the preeminent demigod of the Misc., where he and his “Aesthetics Crew,” acolytes similarly lacking in shirts, body fat, and social grace, were #bodygoals and #squadgoals come to life. Pictures and videosof Zyzz fist-pumping shirtless in public, wrapping his tanned arms low around the waists of nipple-pastied ravers at festivals, adopting a Herculean pose while standing in a shopping cart—these were the icons of the Misc. religion. When Zyzz died of a heart attack in 2011 at the age of twenty-two, his death became the sixth-most-searched death-related topic in Australia that year. His Facebook page, still regularly updated, has over 400,000 likes.

Zyzz’s masculinity showed itself in vain but harmless demonstrations of grandiosity, but other headline-making Miscers have expressed theirs through violence and morally indefensible acts. Gable Tostee first became a Misc. star by posting screenshots of his Tinder and text conversations with women he “rooted,” or had sex with; he entered Misc. lore after creating an ill-advised thread titled “Regarding the balcony tragedy” in the wake of news that one of his Tinder dates had been found dead from a fall from his apartment balcony. (Tostee was later acquitted of murder and manslaughter.) A Miscer known as YaBoyDave secretly filmed himself having sex with women—“whale-smashing,” in Misc. parlance—and posted the videos on the Misc.; he served 10 months in jail and is now a registered sex offender.

Still worse was Luka Magnotta, a wannabe model whose desperately misguided attempts at fame led him to asphyxiate kittens on camera and, later, live stream the brutal murder and dismemberment of a Chinese student while music from American Psycho played in the background; he was arrested at an internet café in Berlin, alternately surfing for pornography and reading news stories about himself, and it was later revealed that he’d posted on the Misc. Most infamously, Elliot Rodger, the Santa Barbara shooter, was active on the Misc., starting threads like “Why do girls hate me so much?” and “I’m tired of seeing losers with hot chicks.” In the latter thread, he recalled being “disturbed and offended” by seeing a “short, ugly Indian guy driving a Honda Civic” with a “hot blonde girl in his passenger seat.” It’s the bro’s classic sense of entitlement: Why should someone less masculine than me have what I know I deserve?

Miscers reaching toxic masculinity’s most violent nadir are mercifully few and far between. Yet the obvious connection between these people is one shared by the vast majority of the Misc. They’re young, white men whose social and sex lives are marked by absence or humiliating rejection, and their worldviews have likely been shaped by those failures. Rodger, for one, admitted in his autobiographical manifesto to having “never even kissed a girl.” He was an “incel,” or involuntarily celibate. “Not getting any sex,” he wrote, “is what will shape the very foundation of my miserable youth.”

A pervasive negative sense of self, of disappointment about one’s past and simultaneous anxiety and hopelessness for one’s future, is to the Misc. what the iceberg was to the Titanic: visible if you know to look for it, destructive if you don’t, and lurking below the surface all the same

The running joke about Miscers is that they’re all sad, awkward, forever-alone virgins who don’t lift and are on the only non-fitness-oriented section of a bodybuilding website because they can’t get their shit together. It’s revealing that one of the Misc.’s celebrities—there’s a 24,000-word condensed version of his “saga” on a fan-made website dedicated to him—is a weird, often clueless Everyman. He’s neither egregiously out of shape nor conventionally “aesthetic,” and his videos show a distinct lack of social awareness, a trait cultivated, presumably, by a life spent behind a computer screen and under a barbell.

Users of other Bodybuilding.com sections and other internet communities entirely propagate this idea of the Misc. as a cesspool of beta males with hopelessly futile aspirations of being alpha. “They have to be some of the most insecure dudes out there,” a Hypebeast forum user said of Miscers. On another forum, a user wrote that the Misc. is “filled with people [who] make fun of autism, while at the same time they themselves complain about their jobs, women, etc.”

More often, however, the call is coming from inside the house. Miscers reveal their vulnerabilities and problems in earnest with critically self-aware, self-deprecating posts. There are countless threads about “beta” topics like being a virgin (a Google search of site:bodybuilding.com “virgin” yields nearly 70,000 results), undergoing hair loss, not knowing how to normally interact with women, and giving up entirely. The Misc.’sRelationships and Relationships Help sub-forum would be more aptly titled “Sex: Help.” The “Depression Discussion and Support Thread Part III” thread is “stickied” by moderators at the top of the Misc., indicating that it resonates with the community; “Part II,” before it got so long that a new thread had to be created, had 10,000 posts and 1.6 million views. After the two aforementioned pornographic threads of “petite/slim girls” and “athletic girls,” the most-viewed Misc. threads are one about “Beta/cringe” moments of social awkwardness and another that documents the 350-pound weight-loss journey of a Miscer named Wetbreasts. For many Miscers, undoubtedly, browsing those threads is either motivational or like looking in a mirror. Or both.

It might appear counterintuitive that unconfident, sex-deprived, socially awkward young men would congregate—by the millions—on a bodybuilding website. But that paradox is precisely what’s responsible for the Misc.’s enduring allure.

It goes like this: A young guy thinks that improving his body will improve himself, that lifting weights will make him more confident, which will make girls like him more, which will make him happier, which will get him laid. And so on. In search of guidance, he finds Bodybuilding.com, where, after analyzing fat-to-ripped or skinny-to-jacked transformation stories, he ends up on the most popular part of the website: the Misc. But in the Misc. he finds a different kind of self-help: a vibrant, active community of like-minded guys. Guys who’ve felt inadequate and lonely and somehow less than manly, who’ve struggled with women and friends and money and body image, who’ve laughed at internet jokes and self-referential image macros that no one found funny, much less comprehensible, in real life. With a newfound sense of solidarity, this young guy wades deeper into the Misc., a community that gets him, his worldview increasingly shaped by this bodybuilding subculture, his mind warped by the community’s devil-may-care, “LOL, nothing matters” ethos.

It’s this last quality of the Misc. that Miscers themselves most readily use to characterize the forum. They see the stupidity of getting worked up over little green internet squares. They don’t take themselves seriously—it’s a motley crew of dudes on a bodybuilding site, bro—so nor should anyone else. Their attitude, one adopted from the bro culture with which they’re intertwined, is predicated on actions not having consequences. Break shit and someone else will pay for it. Get blind drunk, scream offensive things in public, and your boys will carry you home. Sexually harass or assault a woman, more than one woman, dozens of women, and you’ll still be revered, promoted, elected. You’re just “bro-ing out,” man, be easy, be chill, have a beer, have a protein shake.

“bro that forum is a fucking laugh man, just need a sense of humour,” a Hypebeast forum user wrote, in a thread titled, “The misc section of the bodybuilding forums is full of clowns.” If you’re young, white, and male, with a sense of humor shaped by the internet and a sense of privilege shaped by, well, everything else, the Misc.’s “clowns” can certainly be hilarious. But the further you are from that in-group, the more those clowns start to look like a horde of disturbing, misogynistic Pennywises.

Zyzz was once your standard insecure teenager with bad hair and spaghetti-thin arms. “I remember feeling like a little bitch when I was out with girls, walking next to them and feeling the same size as them,” he said in an interview. Becoming “aesthetic” hid a profound insecurity. His no-fucks-given attitude hid a fierce desire to be wanted.

Miscers see only the mirage. To them, Zyzz was living, walking, flexing proof that an average guy could eventually open the door to the HBB-filled alpha-male kingdom by gaining confidence and an aesthetically pleasing body. But the king is no more. And not every guy in search of personal fulfillment finds the key to that door by picking up a barbell. Not every young, white male who’d otherwise troll Reddit or 4chan becomes, through bodybuilding, the type of bro who doesn’t spend time on internet forums because he’s too busy crushing it, whatever “it” is, in real life. The Misc.—an online fraternity of the average and awkward, a safe space of the resentful and lustful and doubtful—is for the bros still searching.