#missed last day cause exhaustion but thats okay

[motleycrueobsessed]

hiiiii

ahh I so get having no motivation

as a fic writer myself it’s so much easier and sometimes it even feels more rewarding to send a request to another amazing writer than to write your concepts yourself 😀

cause you know ✨procrastination✨

And I totally get having no motivation don’t sweat

THAT SAID

could I req something with Kurt where he comes back from a tour reader couldn’t go on in a really bad place, and reader just decides to pamper him in all ways possible?? It’s your choice whether to include smut or not :)))))

AND can I become the first member of the anon family?? If by the time I send this I’m still the first

-snoitatulas,

🫨.

iloveyoy thank you for the Kurt req😭 i wrote smut headcanons for him a while back and that was kind of uncomfortable, its weird writing smut for someone who’s passed already but that doesn’t mean im not gonna do it!!!!1

more kurt requests please i love him 😞

Also yes you can! Im assuming you wanna be 🫨 anon?

Warnings: mention of drugs, mental health issues, angst and fluff, non sexual shower, small argument, and popcorn throwing.

Pairing: Kurt cobain x AFAB Reader

———————————————————————

You couldn’t go on this tour. Your boss wouldn’t allow you to miss one more day of work for a tour. You would lose your job.

Even though Kurt could EASILY support both of you, you didn’t like the idea of being completely dependent on him.

It had been several months since you last saw Kurt, you two had been calling every night since he left.

The tour was over, and you knew that because you had been counting the minutes until your boyfriend could come home.

He opened the door and you came running, with a big cheesy grin on your face.

It instantly faded as you saw him, he didn’t look good at all. He looked like he had been doing drugs again and he look sad.

“Hey, my love..” he mumbled out, a little light returning to his eyes when he saw you. He clearly loved you.

That once cheesy grin turned into a sad frown, taking big steps towards him and embracing him.

He wrapped his arms around you as you took in that familiar scent. Cigarettes and rain, it was a comforting smell.

Some days, you would go outside in the rain and smoke a cigarette, just to feel his presence.

You held him and he just seemed down. You led him to your bathroom, he looked like he needed a shower..

You helped him get undressed, he didn’t protest. You got undressed too, you knew he loved showering with you.

You warmed up the shower and helped him in, letting the water hit him.

You grabbed the shampoo and rubbed it into his hair, as he sighed. In relief, in exhaustion.

You watched as the soap ran down his body and into the drain, placing small kisses on his cheek and jaw to try and make him feel better.

He smiled, just a little, and put his hands on your hips as you rubbed conditioner into his hair.

“Your hair is so greasy, Kurt.” You teased and he smiled a little more.

And soon enough you were out of the shower, bringing him clean clothes. You both got dressed and you dried his hair.

“Rough tour?” You asked gently, playing with his clean, soft hair that was now splayed on your lap.

He had made himself comfortable, using your thighs as a pillow.

“Yeah.. i missed you, love. I..i was using again too.” He admitted, watching as your small smile faded into a frown.

“Is it bad?..” you asked. “No, no its not. Not anything like it used to be.” He reassured.

“Are you sure?.. please dont lie to me Kurt, i can’t handle losing you.” You mumbled.

“Are you saying im lying?” He said, defensive.

“No, no! Thats not what im saying. Im saying IF you’re lying .. i just wanna make sure you’re okay..” You answered, trying to calm him down.

“God i- i shouldn’t have told you that. I knew you would have thought i was lying.” He mumbled.

“Kurt you KNOW thats not what i meant!” You said, slightly hurt. He sighed, and nodded. “Fine.” He muttered. “Im sorry.” You said.

A while later you were curled up on the couch with his favorite snacks, watching some movie he really liked.

He brought his lips to yours, smiling as he pulled back and went back to watching the movie.

You tossed some popcorn at his head, giggling as he feigned offense. “How could you throw popcorn at me, darling?” He said dramatically.

“Oh hush up, im sure you’ll survive.” You teased.

After the movie, Kurt was drowsy and you came to terms with the fact you were both sleeping on the couch.

You pulled a nearby blanket over the two of you, and kissed kurts forehead gently.

“I love you Kurt.” You muttered.

“I love you too, darling.” He responded quietly as he drifted off to sleep.

———-————-————-————-————-———

he’s adorable ilove him

😭❤️ im not okay i wanna hug him.

[roping-riding-wrangling]

Eyes Without A Face

Previous

Alone in his car, you listen to the sounds of the Clash. “This,” Jonathan nods towards the radio, “was Will’s favorite song?”

“Is” you correct him. “Will’s still alive.”

Jonathan huffs out a gentle, “yeah.”

“Anyway, really? He's like 11, I’m surprised his favorite song isn’t Rainbow Connection or something.”

Jonathan has a faraway look in his eyes, one that tells you he’s not really paying attention to your attempts to cheer him up. “Jonathan,” you begin, “I’m serious. He’s gonna be okay.”

Summary: Y/n and Bob finally talk, Jon and Y/n go casket shopping and run into a familiar face

Words: 4.2K

Warnings: Newby!reader, swearing, signs of depression/dissociation, anxiety, mentions of death (including child death)

Its the first morning this week that you haven’t felt deeply exhausted when you wake up. Despite the fact that you wake up in yesterday’s clothes, you can’t deny how rested you feel. Of course, coffee is still a necessity. 

You walk out to the kitchen and are surprised to find your dad already sitting at the table. A full mug waits for you. You give him a soft smile and a “thanks” before taking a seat and sipping on your mug. Your dad must have been up for a while, the coffee is already cooled to a drinkable temperature. 

“Buddy, I think we need to talk.” Your dad says after a few beats of silence. 

Your shoulders slump with the weight of the conversation yet to happen. 

“I’m worried about you. You nearly passed out yesterday. I couldn’t really understand most of what you said last night, but I want to know what's going on to make you this upset. It’s clearly more than Benny’s passing. Please, just tell me whats wrong.”

You take a breath, deciding how to explain everything to your dad. “You uh, know how I don’t really bring any friends over. Its cause I can count them on one hand. You,” you put up a finger, “Benny,” a second finger rises, “and Jonathan” three fingers for three friends. 

“What about the girls on the team?”

“We’re teammates, not friends. Anyways, as of yesterday a third of my friends is dead. And for some inexplicable reason, he killed himself. Benny, happy Benny, shot himself. And I was one of the last people to see him. That night…a kid showed up in the kitchen. A runaway, I think. Anyways, I offered to stay in the diner to keep an eye on her and Benny let me go home. I keep going back to that night. I keep replaying it in my head on loop. And I keep wondering…If I had stayed maybe–maybe he’d still be here. And then there's the whole Jonathan thing…His kid brother has been missing since Sunday night. I was with Jonathan that night. He came into the diner right before close and I let him stay late. Thats probably when Will went missing. If I’d just–”

Your dad set his hand on your clenched fist.

“If I had just made him go home, Will might not be lost, or it would've been noticed sooner or something. I just…I keep letting things happen.”

“Letting things happen?”

“You know, not doing anything. I just…I feel so passive and I feel like lately its been having consequences.”

“Then don’t be passive.”

“What?”

“Well, if you think that being passive is causing trouble, then start taking action.”

You think back to yesterday’s events. You, paralyzed to act, as Jonathan’s camera is destroyed. You think back farther, to not saying anything when Ms Henderson didn’t notice the song until you were seconds away from snapping. Not stopping your dad as he left you alone. Agreeing to leave Eleven and Benny. Letting Jonathan stay late at the diner. 

The guilt eats you alive. Your entire life, you’ve done things because it was easier than fighting. You joined volleyball because your middle school teacher had asked you to. You worked at Benny’s because he needed a hand taking orders. You didn’t even put up a fight when your mom left. 

“I don’t think I know how.”

“So we’ll start small. You’ll take a day for yourself. I’ll stay home with you and you’ll tell me how today is going to go. Every step of the day is your choice, not mine, not anyone else’s. your’s”

Even now you can’t seem to say no to your dad. 

“...okay”

“So what’s first?”

“Can you call my coach? I don’t want her to think I’m skipping for anything dumb. And,” you pause, gauging his reaction, “can I go back to sleep for a bit?”

“Of course, buddy. I love you.”

“I love you too dad.”

You slowly head back to your room

You don’t sleep. Instead, you sit on the floor, back against the door. You sift through your music collection. None of it sounds appealing. One album stands out amongst the others: Billy Idol’s Rebel Yell. You’d been listening to it on Sunday. Sunday feels like it was years ago

You turn the cassette over in your hands. It was borrowed from Jonathan last week, but you’d yet to return it. You gently remove it from the case and put it in your walkman. sticking the headphones on yourself, you fall into the memory of him lending it to you,

It was another slow, late night at the diner. Benny was doing inventory in the back while you were up front, chatting with Jonathan, the lone patron of the diner. 

“What is this?” you asked, the station he’d changed the radio to was playing an unfamiliar tune. 

“The Talking Heads,” he answered, “you like ‘em?”

“I don’t know. It sounds kinda weird.”

“Yeah,” he laughed lightly, “that's kinda the point. They’re not conforming to the general population’s perception of good music.”

You frowned, “So I’m the general population?”

Jonathan looked at you plainly, “I mean…yeah. I’m sorry, but every time I come in here it's either Kenny Rogers, or Dolly Parton, or Glen Campbell.”

“That's not all I listen to. It’s just that Benny likes it and it's literally his diner,” you respond, “there’s plenty of other stuff I like–like Elton John! And Simon and Garfunkel and Linda Rondstadt and David Bowie and–”

“Okay okay! I get it” he said throwing his hands up in surrender, but you weren’t done

“The Police and Billy Idol–”

“Wait,” he interrupted again, “You like Billy Idol?”

That gave you pause. “Uh…I mean, yeah, he’s cool.”

“Have you listened to Rebel Yell?” he asked excitedly.

“Oh no,” you replied awkwardly, “I uh, haven’t managed to get my hands on it.”

“Here!” He materialized the cassette from somewhere within his bag, “you can borrow this.”

“Oh,” you were shocked. You wouldn’t have expected him to give over the tape that readily. You’d pegged him as the type to keep his music to himself. He prided himself on his superior taste, whereas your taste was too eclectic for you to be pretentious about it 

“Thanks!” 

You really had meant to just listen to it once and return it, but it kept poking out from your bag while you did your homework. You listened to it again the next day on your drive, and again while jogging. Jonathan never asked for it back, and you never brought it up either. 

The tape stopping pulls you from your reverie. You yank the headphones off and stick the walkman back in your bag. 

You put the box of cassettes up and crawled into bed. The fan blows air at the windows, moving your curtains. Every so often, you caught a glimpse of the outside. The sky is gray, casting a sad shadow over the trees in your yard. You pull the curtains back even more, resting your cheek against the cool glass. Every so often, a car passes by. The wind knocks down leaves from the trees. When you breathe, the glass fogs up. 

You flop back on the bed, no longer feeling tired. No longer feeling anything. There's nothing left to feel. You recognize the emptiness. It's a comfort that you’ve often turned to. Shutting yourself out and going on autopilot. You know exactly how to act so that everyone thinks you’re fine, but the reality is that your smiles don’t go all the way and your laughs are a hollow ringing in your own ears. 

You haven’t had to shut down in a while. You forgot how nice the nothingness is. 

You don’t sleep, but laying in your bed with nothing but the fan and the gentle noises from outside feels good. You finally rise from your bed, your stomach grumbling from negligence. You quietly open your door. The floor is cold against your unsocked feet. 

“Hey buddy, feeling better?” Your dad asks from his spot on the couch, where he is watching reruns of MASH. You nod at him and give him a smile. “What’s next on the agenda?” his answer comes in the form of your stomach growling. You both laugh, but his is louder. "Could we go get some food in town?” you ask him.

“You got it, what’ll it be?” 

“I could go for some pizza,” you shrug.

You grab your bag and hop in his car. You watch from the passenger seat as the trees fly by and begin to fade into the familiar buildings of downtown Hawkins. He pulls into his parking spot behind the Radio Shack and ducks around the car to open the door for you. “After you,” he says, a goofy grin on his face. 

The walk to the pizza place is short and your dad rambles about a radio he donated to the middle school AV club the whole time. You recall him mentioning how he started the club in his youth. He speaks vigorously and you have trouble understanding everything he means, but its sweet how passionate he is about it. Its one of the things you admire most about the man. When he loves something, he loves it truly and deeply. 

He once again opens the door for you when you arrive. You claim a table while he puts your order in at the counter. He returns with a flag with the number eleven on it. The reminder of the sweet little girl gives your heart a twinge, and you quickly let the numbness consume it. 

“Scott was telling me how excited all the boys were on Monday when they saw it. Did you know the Henderson kid is in the club?” he asks you.

“No, I didn’t. Good for him,” you answer. 

“Yeah...speaking of clubs, how's volleyball going?” it's clear he’s trying to make conversation.

You know that your dad needs this. He needs to know that you’re okay, that you’re not slipping away from him, that he’s doing his job as a dad correctly. You could never deny him this kindness, so you fill the void of silence, “It’s going pretty well. Coach wants me to try libero, since Casey’s graduating next year, but I think I’m better as a setter. We’ll see.”

A server comes with a tray of pizza for your table. Your dad continues to ask you about volleyball, school, anything to keep you talking. You play along and answer his questions while eating. 

After three slices, you have to make the choice of eating another. You decide not to make yourself sick and have your dad flag down the server to ask for a to go box. 

Again he opens the door for you on the way out. The pizza settles in your stomach and you feel some of the sluggishness from the morning begin to wear. Your dad tucks his arm around you in the walk back and you huddle closer, grateful for the warmth he radiates. 

Across the street, you see a familiar figure and are reminded of the cassette you’d stashed in your bag earlier. “Hey dad,” you pull yourself from his arm, “I’m gonna go say hi to Jonathan.”

“Okay, I’ll be in the shack.”

He departs for his store as you head across the street. As you approach the boy, you can tell something is wrong.

“Jonathan,” you call out to him as you jog to catch up. He is hunched over and when he finally looks up at you his brows are furrowed and his eyes are bloodshot. “Jonathan?” you say again, softer this time.

“Will died” he spits the words from his mouth like they're venom. You blink slowly, letting the emptiness that resides within you absorb this information. The cassette is all but forgotten as you gently pull him into a hug. He barely hangs onto you, but you can feel how he shakes. 

Still holding onto him you glance around then ask, “Where’s your mom?”

He grips you tighter at that, “She’s convinced he’s alive, that he’s living in our walls. She thinks he’s being hunted by a monster. But I just–I just came from the morgue. Y/n, his body was so small.”

He hiccups and you squeeze him, “Jonathan, I’m so sorry.”

You pull away, letting him wipe the tears from his face with his sleeves. He hiccups again again and you rub his back in slow, small circles as he catches his breath. He needs this, his mother is gone so there is no one to comfort the boy. You'll be that pillar for him, a shoulder for him to cry on. "What are you gonna do?" you ask.

“I have to plan his funeral…pick out a coffin.” he says slowly, as if he's just now realizing what he needs to do.

He collapses back onto your shoulder, just like on Tuesday night. Except on Tuesday, he still had hope. Now, the despair rolls off him in waves. He is in no position to make decisions by himself. 

Your dad’s words from this morning echo in your mind and you decide this will not be something you just let happen again. You can use your emotionless state to help him–so you do. 

“Do you want some company?”

He nods sadly against your shoulder and very subtly tries to wipe his tears before he picks his head back up. You hold out your elbow for him and he holds onto it. You lead him to the funeral home. 

“I’m gonna call my dad real quick, will you be okay for a minute?” you ask outside, eyeing the payphone. He nods quietly and you fish out the correct change from your bag. You dial the number to the Radio Shack and wait as rings thrice before your dad’s familiar voice greets you.

“Hello, you’ve reached the Hawkins Radio Shack, this is Bob, how can I help you?”

“Hey dad, its Y/n.”

“Buddy, where are you?”

“I’m at the funeral home…Jonathan’s brother died. I’m gonna make sure he’s not alone right now. I wanted to let you know.”

“Oh no, poor kid. You’re doing the right thing, Y/n. You’re a good friend. I love you and I’m proud of you. Let the Byers know that I’m thinking of them.”

“Will do. I love you too, dad.”

You hang up and head inside to Jonathan, who is already talking to a salesman. You hear him discuss a walnut casket as you sidle up Jonathan and place a gentle hand on his arm to alert him to your presence. 

“Now, I don’t know what your budget is,” the man says softly, “but over here we have  copper and bronze.” the pair of you silently follow him to the other caskets. Jonathan stops and you look past him to see Nancy in the door. She looks like she wants to talk. “Could we just have a minute?” you ask the salesman and he gives you an understanding nod. 

You approach the timid girl. She looks up at Jonathan and says, “Your mom, she said you’d be here. I just,” you prepare to hear her offer condolences but she surprises you. “Can we talk for a second?”

You follow the girl out into the hall and stand over Jonathan’s shoulder as the pair sit on a bench. Nancy pulls out the taped-back-together photos from yesterday. “I noticed something behind Barb,” she begins and hands them to Jonathan, “I can’t tell what it is, but it’s weird right?”

As she mentions it, you do see a figure shrouded in shadow behind the immortalized girl on the diving board. 

“I see it.” you tell her. She looks up at you, hope shining in her eyes. “It looks like it could be some kind of perspective distortion,” Jonathan tells you both, and the hope begins to fade from her face. “I wasn’t using a wide angle. I don’t know, it’s weird.”

“And you’re sure you didn’t see anyone else out there?” she probes.

“No,” he answers, “just Y/n later on, but Barb…she was there one second and gone. I figure she bolted”

“What were you doing there?” Nancy asks you.

“Its kind of a long story…I saw Jonathan’s car and got worried. I didn’t see anyone else though.” 

“Did you see Barb?” she interrogates further. 

“No, I’m sorry.”

“The cops think that she ran away, but they don’t know Barb.” You’re ashamed to admit to yourself that you hadn’t even noticed the girl was missing. You don’t know the younger girl, but when you try to recall her, you remember her in the hallways, a soft smile on her face and Nancy attached to her hip. 

 The numbness begins to wane as you consider everything that’s happened in the past week. Eleven, Benny, Will, and now Barbara. At this point, it can no longer be a coincidence. Nancy’s voice breaks through your train of thought, “And I went back to Steve's and I thought I saw something. Some weird man or…I don’t know what it was.” 

With the reveal of the mysterious figure, it's like trying to put together a puzzle, but all the pieces are from different boxes. The pieces fit, but the picture looks weird. “I’m sorry. I–I shouldn’t have come here today,” she gets up to go. “I’m so sorry.”

Before she can fully leave, Jonathan speaks up, “What’d he look like?” he asks and you remember what he told you earlier, about his mom thinking Will was still alive and being hunted. Could she be right? Its an insane thought, you tell yourself. Jonathan saw the body in the morgue. 

“What?” Nancy turns around to look at him. 

“Jonathan, you don’t think…” you begin, but he ignores you, looking imploringly at Nancy. “This man you saw in the woods, what’d he look like?”

You hold your breath as you stand between the two, and Nancy tries to explain, “I don’t know, it almost like he didn’t ha–”

Jonathan finishes the thought for her, “Didn’t have a face?”

“How did you know that?”

“Jonathan, is there a way to see the picture better?” You ask, grabbing the photo from Nancy’s hand and pointing at the figure. “If this…thing is what got Barb, and it's hunting Will…we need to know what we’re dealing with.”

“I guess…I’d need the dark room at the school though.”

“Great, where are you parked?”

“Y/n…”

“Lets go.” you turn and make your way back to downtown. The others follow behind hot on your tail. Jonathan jogs ahead of you to lead you to his car. You arrive and he fumbles for his keys, dropping them in the process. 

He finally unlocks the car and you pile in. On the drive there, you explain to them your thoughts. 

“I think there's something abducting people. On Monday, there was a little girl at the diner. I thought she was a runaway, but what if she wasn’t running from home. What if she was running from whatever thing is. It would explain the weird timing. And then she suddenly vanished again?”

“And Barb went missing the next day…” Nancy picks up your line of thinking. 

“Exactly!” you respond, “I still don’t understand how Benny fits into this, but–”

“Wait,” she interrupts, “Benny? Like ‘Benny's Burgers’ Benny? What does he have to do with this?”

Oh. She doesn’t know.

“Benny…he was found dead the morning after we found the kid. She was nowhere to be seen”

“How do you know that?”

“I, uh, I work there. I was the last one, beside the girl, to see him. The police took me in for questioning. I’ve been trying to figure everything out since then, but…I just don’t understand why he shot himself.”

“Maybe he survived this thing but couldn’t handle it?” Jonathan offers.

“Yeah, like the vets from ‘nam…I had an uncle that fought and came back from that and…” Nancy trails off. You realize how truly little you two know about each other, despite living in a small town where everyone gossips. You don’t dwell on it, though, as Jonathan parks outside the school. 

“How are we gonna get in? School’s been out for a while, it's probably locked.” the boy asks, getting out of the car. You’re already making your way to the gym. “Follow me!” you yell at them. “The coaches never lock this door,” you explain as you lead them to a side entrance. You hold the door for them as they enter. 

The three of you make your way to the dark room. Jonathan prepares the negatives. Neither you nor Nancy understand exactly what he’s doing to the film. 

Nancy asks him, “and you’re?”

He answers, “Brightening. Enlarging.”

“Did your mom say anything else? Like, where it might have gone to, or…” Nancy asks him further

“Nope, just that it came out of the wall.”

The machine dings and Jonathan removes the page, dipping it in some liquid. The picture slowly starts to develop and the three of you crowd around it. It's silent for a moment before Nancy begins speaking again, “How long does this take?” 

“Not long.” Jonathan responds

The waiting is killing you. You tap your fingers against the table as you stare at the paper. 

“Have you been doing this long?” Nancy seems to be like your dad. Unable to endure silence. 

“What?” Jonathan asks, indulging her questioning. 

“Photography.”

“yeah…I guess I’d rather observe people, than…”

“Talk to them?”

As the pair talk, you feel an all too familiar feeling creep up on you. Your rush of figuring out the mystery from earlier is starting to wear off the realization sinks in that whatever is about to reveal itself has already taken a life, if not three more. You hold yourself completely still so as not to alert the others of your impending panic. Your knuckles are nearly white from how tightly you grip the edges of the table. 

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten

You hold onto the comfort of your numbers, willing them to be the only thing on your mind. You slowly tune back into the conversation, the emptiness settling back in. 

“Its just sometimes, people don’t always say what they’re really thinking. But you capture the right moment,” Jonathan says, leaning closer to Nancy. “It says more.”

“What was I saying?” Nancy gives him a gentle, almost kind, smirk “When you took my picture?”

Even in the red light, you can tell he’s blushing. “I shouldn’t have taken that. I’m sorry.”

You glance away, not wanting to intrude on whatever intimate moment they’re having. The picture has developed before your eyes, and a grotesque figure looms above Barb. Its a horrifying sight. There is no way this thing is human. Its huge and though it stands upright, its limbs are more animal than man. 

“Nancy…” you interrupt their intense eye contact. “Is this what you saw?”

Her eyes dart away from the boy and down onto the picture. 

“Oh my god…thats it,” she gasps.

“My mom,” Jonathan breathes out, “I thought she was crazy ‘cause she said thats not Will’s body. That he’s alive.”

“And he’s alive–” nancy begins

“Barb and Eleven are too” you finish. 

Jonathan drives the both of you home, “We’ll need a plan, like a real actual plan,” you explain logically, “When are you guys free tomorrow?”

“Well, uh, the funeral is tomorrow, so after that.”

You rub a hand on Jonathan’s shoulder, though your theory about Will could be true, it doesn’t change the fact that tomorrow will be a sad day. 

“We’ll need information too. Like everywhere this thing has been”

The car pulls into the Wheeler’s driveway and Jonathan looks at Nancy before she leaves, “Meet us at my car tomorrow.”

She nods resolutely at him, then at you. Alone in his car, you listen to the sounds of the Clash. “This,” Jonathan nods towards the radio, “was Will’s favorite song?”

“Is,” you correct him. “Will’s still alive.”

Jonathan huffs out a gentle, “yeah.”

“Anyway, really? He's like 11, I’m surprised his favorite song isn’t Rainbow Connection or something.”

Jonathan has a faraway look in his eyes, one that tells you he’s not really paying attention to your attempts to cheer him up. “Jonathan,” you begin, “I’m serious. He’s gonna be okay.”

“But what if he isn’t,” he rebuts, “what if we fight this thing and it's too late and he’s still gone?”

Jonathan pulls up to your house and parks, but doesn’t look at you. His grip on the steering wheel is tight. “What if we lose and I’ve failed him again…I can’t do that.”

You scoot closer to him and wrap your arms around him and lean your head on his shoulder. He grabs your arms, grateful for the comforting touch. 

“He’s gonna be okay. We’re gonna save him– and Barb and Eleven. I promise. We’re gonna bring them home.”

He says nothing, just nods against you. You lose track of how long the two of you sit in his car. You don’t dare break away. He needs this. You’ve known the boy for years, but feel like you didn’t actually know anything about him until this week. He’s like you. He doesn’t quite understand how to connect to people, so the people he has in his life are terribly important and all consuming. For a long time, Jonathan just had his mom and Will–you just had your dad and Benny. Then you had each other. Now you both have Nancy.

You couldn’t save Benny, but you could do this for them. You could save their people. You think of the little girl that came in all dirt and grime and skin and bones. You picture her contagious smile as she tried milkshakes–her big doe eyes looking up at you–and you hope that she will be a permanent addition to your small collection of people. You decide she will be, once you defeat this thing. 

Tags: @ucannotcompare

[1d1195]

omg im so sooo sorry cause I just finished PMSing so i know exactly what you’re talking about i hope you feel better soon bestie !!! Noah Kahan can cure everything I believe <3

honestly i just love your writing so much i need to go back and reread all of protection and then traditional i love them with my whole heart😭♥️

i LOVED the tiktok that went with committed as soon as i read that you kept listening to it while writing i knew i had to play it while i read lol but its crazy how you can draw so much insporation from something so simple, i think it just goes to show how talented you are

LMAO THE SNOWBLOWER MEMES IM CRYING HAHA i think thats like a super power honestly and i love that for you. youre so right it def hits different once the iced coffee comes out it makes EVERYTHING official

im SO sorry to hear you had a tough month bestie :( hopefully you have an AMAZING june and an even better summer, sending you the biggest warmest virtual hug ever cause u deserve it🫂 SO HAPPY YOU WENT BOOK SHOPPING, YOU MIGHT NOT NEED THEM BUT YOU DESERVED THEM !!! (im 100% the enabler in my friend group😭) may the pollen fade soon🫡

vry random but omggg i was going thorugh my old photos from like 1-2 years ago and i MISS my long hairrrr😭 its the middle of the night this should be the least of my worries lmfao but i cut it back in the fall and dont get me wrong !! i loved my short hair but now its at that awkward phase where its not long and its not short and i am NOT here for it :/

HAVE A GREAT DAY I LOVE YOU A TONNNNN !!!!!

~🎶

Okay I'm so amped about your Protection ask so I will save my thoughts on that for the next ask 😊

May was just long and awful. I'm very happy to be in June, I'm hoping things run smoothly. I feel way less stressed than I did last month. I'm sure I'll find new ways to be stressed but for now I'm going to revel in not being exhausted for the moment 😅

I didn't notice how stringy my hair looked until I saw it in a picture. I need to be better about going to get it cut more often but I've been going to the same hair dresser since I was 2 years old and it's an hour away from me now and a process lol But in the summer I always get a healthy amount chopped off because I run hot and my hair is like a scarf and insulating.

Thank you so much for the support of my book buying. Idk what I want to read next, there are a lot of options (especially now).

You're so sweet to compliment me. That man in the tiktok made it easy 😍 hehehehe

hope you have a good weekend planned! 💕

xoxo

[celestie0]

ELLIEIEIIEIEIE hiii ☺️💗

its been forever bae i’ve missed uuu ☹️ i’ve been so busy lately i havent had time to send in my asks 😞 i’ve been thinking abt u tho 😘🤞(omg gojo is that u?? am i gojo??)

OKAY BUT BAE OH MY GODDDDD I’ve started catching feelings for one of my friends and he is literally the sweetest kindest most caring boy i’ve ever met. we’ve been friends for YEARS and he has literally NEVER hurt me. he’s the kind of person you can talk to about anything and he will literally literally not judge you no matter what ☹️whenever im with him i always feel so safe

OKAY BUT LEMME TELL U A FEW THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED WITH HIM CAUSE LIKE I SWEAR THERES SOMETHING BETWEEN US⁉️

okay so a while ago his friend who imma call J was interested in me and kept trying to flirt with me, but the guy i like (imma call him C) noticed this and he got like very protective of me. like for example he wouldn’t leave me alone with J, he’d be kinda touchy when J was around and he always made sure to keep J at a distance. One time tho J approached me when C was busy doing something and J was like saying some kinda weird creepy stuff to me so when I told C he was FURIOUS 😭 I swear he looked like he wanted to smack someone, I also found out that J was a playboy and he liked to mess with a lot of girls so I think thats why C was acting that way??

the other time was a few days ago C and I decided to hang out at a park bc it was a nice day and I decided to make a flower crown bc there were a bunch of daisies,, so I was sitting on the grass making it and C was sitting next to me watching me so I asked if he wanted one but like the boring man he is he said no 😒😒 so i picked up a daisy and tucked it behind his ear instead 😆 he wore it the entire time we were out and he even kept it ☹️ lowk felt like i was having a main character moment, LIKE IT FELT STRAIGHT OUTTA A FANFIC OR SOMETHING 😭 it felt fanfic worthy anyway 🤷‍♀️ OKAY BUT I SWEAR I CANT TELL IF HE KNOWS IN FLIRTING WITH HIM OR NOT 😭 cause like i said we’ve been friends for years so we’re just super comfortable and close with each other 😭😭

okay but enough abt C,, how’re u doing bae?? i’ve been missing u lately ☹️💗 i hope you’ve been taking care of yourself! it was pretty hot up here in norcal for this past week so I can only assume its been hot down there as well?? imma tell u bae as a city girl,, i cannot deal with hot weather. over 67° and i’m melting 😭 idk how you guys in socal do it 😭

anyway bae thats all for now,,

BYEBYE AND I LOVE U SO MUCH 💗💗

-🦌 anon

awwww hii my love i was thinking about you earlier last week!! so happy to see u <33

omg 🤧 C sounds soooo nice :””) he had those red flag glasses on when he was steering u clear of J but also maybe he was jealousss?? 🤔🫣🤭 also the flower thing is so adorable n you’re so right that’s like straight out of a fanfiction omggg ✋🏼😭 friends to lovers goes CRAZZYYY. if you like him bb u should tell him how u feeeeeel. i just watched ‘one day’ netflix series recently which is like friends to lovers but hella slowburn over the course of like twenty years but if there’s anything it taught me, it was to just tell ppl how u feel honestlyyy 😭😭😭 i’m rooting for you!! also is this the same guy that you were texting last time that wanted to stay awake w youuu at night?? 👁️

i’ve been doing well my love!! i just got back from a 20 mile bike ride so i’m exhausted n gonna go pass out LOL. im training to do a 100 miler w my friends in october so 😵‍💫😵‍💫 been spending sunday mornings working on rides haha. but yea im chillin im gonna hang out w my mom cuz mothers day i think her fav brunch spot is doing some 15% off mimosas thing so my brother n i are gonna take her there. YEA omg its getting hotter slowly, surprisingly this week is going to be still cold for us, tbh it’s supposed to be hotter this time of the year i’m a bit surprised by how pleasant it was when i was out riding today?? the sun only came out around 10am. shocked but i’m not complaining HAHAHA. we’re like low 70s rn and its bliss bc once summer hits i just wanna DIE. so jelly of youuu ik norcal has some wind to cut the heat too but not so much here at least not where i live since i’m more central from the beach 😭

i missed u toooo bb so nice to hear from you <333 LOVE YA HUGS N KISSES 💋 💕

- ellie 🦢

[regularbeans]

i ammmm fuMMmmINGggGGG

rant about work lol

okay so i will be taking driving lessons right. 2 hours/day once a week. With travelling there, waiting for the bus etc i will miss 4 hours per week, right

since I have to work my ass off anyway, I was already planning to do a bunch of overtime, I dont even care that I cant take note of it, I didnt write it up last year, im not gonna do it this year, ill just get my job done so i can leave for my little concert adventure from february 20th to march 3th without any guilt that im leaving my trash behind for my coworkers to deal with, right. thats something _I_ want to do, like i need time to do my work x)

like thats my work conscience, like i want to do my job.

But with the driving taking 4 hours out of my day once per week, i thought that lets say tomorrow as an example, ill leave work at 8AM, and get back at noon, thats 4 hours missed, right? so that day, i would stay in two more hours to work, and then the next day, thursday, i would also stay 2 more hours at work to catch up with the work i shouldve done in those four hours. so in those two days, i should work for 16 hours, right? 8 hours on wednesday, 8 hours on thursday. with my plan, i could work 6 hours on wednesday (8 hours - 4 hours (driving) + 2 hours (staying after work) and then 10 hours on thursday (8+2 more hours after work).

so i end up wotking 16 hours together in those two days makes sense? makes perfect sense

HOWEVER

My boss told me that i need to take my PTO out to cover the driving days. she told me to take out five days, which account for 5x8 hours, so, 40 hours, so that covers 10 of my driving days, since 10 x 4 hours is 40 hours. which is how much ill be missing.

BUT ????????????

i will have to stay in aNYWAY x") cause i WILL have to catch up with the work i missed x) i cant just be like okay i was driving whatever. no, ill have to do my work, so ill stay in aNYWAY. so i take my PTO out AND i stay in more. but i cant write it down as overtime because overtime cannot be recorded (because my boss says that if we cant get our job done in 8 hours then we're not suited for our position lol)

but in thIS CASE IT WOULDNT EVEN BE OVERTIME it would be just REALLOCATING my ALREADY EXISTING TIME also i had to take out 5 obligatory days for the first week of january when we werent allowed to work i have to take out ten days for Adventure Funky Town TIme in february then i take 5 more days off for driving, thats 20 out of my 30 days a year off x) and that will only cover 20 hours of driving!!! Because mind you im gone for 4 hours a day, but only 2 of those hours is spent with driving lessons. and you have to drive like at least 50-something hours. so. thatll be at least five more days off so that leaves me with 25 days taken off and 5 days remaining. which ill have to keep for obligatory end-of-year PTO when the office is mandatorily closed so.

no more days off for the year for me uwu!

you know what?

you know Fucking what?

ill do it. ill take my days off ill work my ass off, ill work 60 hours a week, ill work in the weekends, i wont say a SIngle word, i wont write down my overtime, i wont have any more days off, that february break is gonna be my One Holiday for the year

then eventually ill overwork myself to the point of exhaustion and when i completely make myself sick then i can go on a sick leave and they can Eat. My. Taiiiiintttttttt

this just feels like im not being trusted???? or like... cause on one hand, plain overtime i can kind of understand. if my boss thinks you have to be able to finish your work in eight hours and if you cant thats a you problem, that i can accept even though i dont agree with it

but this wouldnt even be overtime, this would just be like, reallocating those four hours to Slightly later o_o

does she not trust me to do actual work????

just out

not to toot my own horn but if someone is known for doing whatever they can to finish work on time at the office then its me

and i never said a bad word at work

i dont complain (at work, i complain on twitter... and now here x)), i dont boast about how much extra i work

when my Bosses see it they see it, if they dont, i dont care, i just want to finish my work

so this just feels like im not being trusted???? or like... cause on one hand, plain overtime i can kind of understand. if my boss thinks you have to be able to finish your work in eight hours and if you cant thats a you problem, that i can accept even though i dont agree with it

but this wouldnt even be overtime, this would just be like, reallocating those four hours to Slightly later o_o

does she not trust me to do actual work in those hours???

not to toot my own horn but if someone is known for doing whatever they can to finish work on time at the office then its me

and i never said a bad word at work

i dont complain (at work, i complain on twitter... and now here x)), i dont boast about how much extra i work

when my Bosses see it they see it, if they dont, i dont care, i just want to finish my work

also, i have hundreds of hours of overtime from last year that i never wrote up, but kind of kept track for myself just so I Know x) I never once asked to be paid for that time, i didnt take any time off for those hours i worked extra so... why did i stay in all those hours for? to do my work. thats literally all the benefit i got out of it and she thinks id stay in just to fuck around? does she think thats what ive been doing so far? x)

chrrrist im annOYEd

[what-to-imagine-next]

09-25-2022

Thirty Seven Days Until My Ex’s Birth Day, I Am Ever Closer To Killing Myself.

Its been weird, living that is.

I still extremely love him, stephen. And its honestly really fucking sucky. Part of me wishes for the sliver of a chance to even have him in my life again, even if it means watching him fall in love with another who he’d truly be happy with. Even if every extra second of knowing him is going to cause me an ever lasting pain. Even if I never get to be happy. And part of me really still wants one of two options. Wait out for the date I have in my mind, wait and wait every painful second and every terrifying moment of continuing this existence so when I get to that date it’ll finally be over. Finally free. Finally. Gone. Like I was meant to be. Or two, do the same but move, change my name, my look and personality. Become something I’m not for the happiness of others, and then disappear agajn permanently. And Honestly. Thats all I can see myself doing in this lifetime. Even if I never get another shot. Even if it means the sadness of others. Maybe I could be selfish. Maybe I could not care for once. And end every painful minute.

I’m sorry to any family I may hurt. I’m sorry to any friends who may hurt. I’m sorry to any around me who may hurt. But I’m not sorry for doing it when it comes. Because its been weighing down my mind for eleven years, and when the days comes in two thousand thirty, it will have been just over nine-teen years. And then I can be free. Though I dont wish my moms death, I partly hope shes not around for it. It would truly break her. But I’m so tired. Even the good days are exhausting. The bad days are millions of times worse. And I just want to be free. Cause I know even with therapy, even with self love, even with medication, even with a new start in life. I will never be free in my lifetime. And I have accepted that. All I hope is that all you around me, if you were still even there when the day comes, can accept it for even a fraction of what I can.

I love you stephen, I’m glad you chose yourself, I’m sorry I ever ruined you, met you, and loved you, I’m sorry I didnt keep you away. I’m sorry I was right about how awful I am. But thats okay. I’m not okay but thats okay. I hope you’re okay. I hope you’re loved. I hope you’re happy. I hope your hopeful. I hope, just maybe, that you’d love us for one more kiss, one more hug, one more moment of joy, but I know the world around humanity is a cursed place of turmoil, hatred, and profound idiocy. I love you. I miss you. I will ever be grateful for you. Even now. My idiot love.

God I hate myself, and everything makes sense.

[doodlesala]

SSKK week:

Day 5:  constellations

[kissingnamjoon]

Forgotten | Min Yoongi x Reader (Part 1)

Pairing: Min Yoongi x Reader 

Genre: Its angst. did u rly expect anything else from me?

Summary:  “I don’t care about the clothes, Yoongi! I just wanted to see you! We did not have to set up these reservations for a fancy restaurant, I told you that! This was your idea! Why aren’t you listening to what I’m saying?” You spoke boldly into the phone. You knew Yoongi was stubborn and not one to let up easily, so you anticipated his response. “Because you’re not fucking saying anything worth listening too.” And with that, the phone clicked, and he hung up.

A/N: Hi I’m back after what seems like forever. Did you guys miss me? kadljflsjflks. Also, I really tried focusing on the readers perspective in this part, the next part will focus more on Yoongi’s. I’m hoping you guys like this bc I havent written in a while and I might be a little rusty. Okay. THATS ALL. ENJOY. FEEDBACK PLS

Your back ached tremendously as you walked barefoot across the concrete. Expensive heels in your hand, that you bought specifically for tonight. Tear’s slowly flowing down your puffy cheeks, too wrapped up in your own thoughts to care what any by passers thought. You knew there was a cheapy motel down the street tonight, and that is where your feet started taking you. There was no way you were going home to Yoongi. Not after the way he spoke to you and made you feel. What were you ever suppose to say to him? You felt embarrassed that you were so excited for tonight, thinking about it all day and dolling yourself up, and he didn’t even give you the time of his day. Fuck, if he would even be home. He made it abundantly clear that he did not want to see you, or at least that is what he made you feel.

------

“Yoongi……where are you?” Your soft voice came through the phone. You were surprised he even picked up this time. It only took 4 text messages and 3 phone calls for him to answer. You normally would not call or text him so excessively, but tonight was supposed to be different. You thought, no, you KNEW he would make it to your date tonight. He promised you. Your guy’s relationship had been going through a rough patch, with Yoongi being consumed by work and BTS. You knew his job was demanding, but all you asked for was a little bit of his time. Hell, this date was not even your idea. It was HIS. He was determined to make up his recent neglect to you, and you were more than content to just settle on the couch for a movie night with him. But Yoongi thought you deserved more than that.

However, his actions did not match his thoughts. He did not make you feel like you deserved anything from him. As a matter of fact, right now, you felt the complete opposite.

You thought maybe he had just run into some traffic after it was 10 minutes past 8. You were very naïve and hopefully, and the thought of him standing you up or forgetting honestly did not cross your mind. Tonight, was going to be different. But then 10 minutes turned into 15 minutes. 25 minutes. 45 minutes. An hour. You started to feel nervous that tonight was going to be like the last several months. It would only be validation that whatever else was going on in Yoongi’s life, whether it be work or personal, was always going to take priority over you. When did your relationship become like this? When did Yoongi stop showing you he loved you? When did you stopped feeling loved? When did your relationship with Yoongi become so god damn ISOLATING and LONELY?

“What are you talking about? I’m at the studio.” Yoongi said. And with that, feelings of humiliation and sadness filled your veins as your heart pumped through your body. Of course, tonight was not going to be different. It had not been different for the last 2 months. But this time you had hope because Yoongi planned all this. Not you. Yoongi had always been a man of his word, especially when it came to you. Had your relationship come down to this? Did your relationship hold such unimportance that a simple promise really meant nothing to him anymore?

“What about….tonight? You know? The date you set up for us….” You do not know why you felt nervous responding back to him. Maybe it was because you knew he was at the studio, most likely working. But why should you feel bad? He was not supposed to be working. He was supposed to be with you. “Oh. That. Yah, we can just reschedule it.” Yoongi said calmy, with no concern or panic that he forgot, lacing his voice. Your heart just kept shattering, as you suddenly felt unimportant in Yoongi’s life. Something that he could just push to the back burner and forget about like it was nothing. Maybe you were nothing to him anymore. “B-but….Tonight was supposed to be different Yoongi. I was really looking forward to seeing you. I just want to see you.” Your lips started trembling, but you swore to yourself you would not let Yoongi know you were on the verge of tears. Besides, would he even care if he knew that he had caused the tears making their appearance in your eyes?

“Well, I don’t know what to tell you, Y/N. I got caught up in the studio. We can reschedule for the weekend.” Why was he being so cold towards you right now? This was not the Yoongi that you knew. The Yoongi that loved you. Sure, on the outside Yoongi seemed cold and distant, but with you, he was so much different. He was soft. He was deep. He was passionate and incredibly detailed orientated. He cared about you. Where was that Yoongi? “But Yoongi…. You planned this. I even bought a new outfit to wear for you and everything.”

Yoongi was getting annoyed. He already told you that you guys could go on the weekend. What weren’t you understanding? He snapped. “Well fuck, Y/N! I will repay you for the clothes and whatever the fuck else you bought for tonight. I told you we could reschedule for this weekend. Is it difficult for you to understand?!” He snapped through the phone. Why was he being so mean to you right now? All you wanted to do was see Yoongi? Were you such a selfish person for wanting to see your boyfriend, even if just for a few minutes? “I don’t care about the clothes, Yoongi! I just wanted to see you! We did not have to set up these reservations for a fancy restaurant, I told you that! This was your idea! Why aren’t you listening to what I’m saying?” You spoke boldly into the phone. You knew Yoongi was stubborn and not one to let up easily, so you anticipated his response. “Because you’re not fucking saying anything worth listening too.” And with that, the phone clicked, and he hung up.

-----

You were so confused. What had just happened? Did you do something to Yoongi you were not aware about, why was he so angry at you? The motel you were heading to was probably gross and dirty, but you did not even care. You had spent so much time getting ready for your date with Yoongi, and then the argument, if you could even call it that. You were exhausted and you just wanted to pass out and forget about what happened with Yoongi. You wanted to forget about Yoongi. Just like he had forgotten about you.

-----

If you liked this fic, please feel free to buy me a kofi! ❤

[shushiyuii]

if you're doing requests, than can I possibly ask for some G!revivebur and t!tommy hurt/comfort? (with soft noms involved if thats okay)

hope you're doing well today and i love your writing too

Thank you so much! I'm glad you love my writings! mwkdakdn and I've actually had a great day today! So thank you for asking! (Also of course noms are okay uwu)

Warnings: Soft vore, mentions of death and torment of a tiny

Words: 1.1K+

His train had finally arrived…

Meanwhile, Tommy was working on his base, being a borrower, it wasn’t quite as easy as you wish to get the materials needed.

He was exhausted from mining all day and now he just had to organise his chests, which was just another annoying task. Tommy huffed in annoyance at this, at least he had enough minerals to last him ages.

He hated organising his chests but if he did it would at least be easier to find things, as to why he was doing this millennial task.

Chest after chest, block after block, ore after ore. It was finally almost done. Just a couple more to go, he went over to another chest and found some… interesting things… It held his old L’manburg uniform and his flag, things he put away after Wilbur had well, died.

He picked up his old uniform and noticed something strange on it, it was stained with blue, covered in stitches. Alarmed he began to examine the uniform and there fell out a note, from Ghostbur.

“Hey, Tommy! I came to borrow some things and noticed your old uniform! I fixed it up for you! I know you said not to go through your stuff, but I figured you’d like it!” – Ghostbur

He huffed as the note itself was covered in blue, Ghostbur had a tendency of leaking his blue everywhere, It couldn’t be helped…’. He looked down and saw water beginning to seep at the pages, he wiped at his eyes.

He wasn’t going to cry! He was Tommy Danger Kraken Innit! A man! And men don’t cry!

It wasn’t his fault! It was Sam’s! He didn’t let him protect Ghostbur! It could’ve been stopped and now the only remnant of his brother is gone.

Gone to the afterlife, once and for all. Maybe his symphony could finally be at peace with everything being gone now, he could move on…

Little did he know that wouldn’t quite be the case as a thing popped right into his face, much to his hate and surprise…

‘Wilbur Soot has joined the game’.

He couldn’t be back, Dream really didn’t revive him right?! Wasn’t revival supposed to be immediate?! Whatever exhaustion was trying to take over his body was gone as adrenaline pumped through his veins. He immediately booked it through his door towards L’manburg.

His vision went from black to clear, he fiddled with his hands, finally becoming aware of his surroundings, the blue and gold catching his eyes with a torn L’manburg flag, with the crater in front of him. He pinched his arm to make sure he wasn’t going crazy, and he wasn’t!

He was alive again with blood rushing through his newly revived veins! He was alive again! Dream his hero! He had really been brought back! He could feel his excitement jolting every part of his body, so many things to do and see, so many things to make amends for!...

Panic filled with thoughts rushed through his head, what would the others think? Oh god, back when he was dead himself, he remembered how Wilbur was… This is practically going to be doomsday all over again if he didn’t stop it.

He had never run so fast before, not even in the war. It seemed his body agreed with him this once that this was very very bad. And it wasn’t going to be an easy trip for the borrower. Every hole he jumped over, and soon L’manburg came into his view.

His fingers twitched, not used to being able to function. He could feel bruises over his body and particularly felt an aching pain from his chest, probably some remnant from the stab wound, but that wasn’t going to stop him out, now that he was finally free.

He breathed in the fresh air, taking a deep breath, and filling his lungs as much as he could. How he missed being able, you learnt to appreciate such things.

He closed his eyes in a sort of relief, happy, satisfied but this was only the beginning.

“Wilbur!”, he heard a voice, a familiar one. One he hadn’t heard in a while; he knew he was close not far. He was used to having to keep an ear out for the borrower, he was just surprised at himself he wasn’t rusty.

He turned around to see a small figure approaching, seeming to run with all they had, wow, Tommy must’ve really missed him!

Soon, Tommy was just a couple of meters away from Wilbur. Not one of them talked at first, “Hey Tommy! I missed you!”. Tommy’s expression turned somewhat dark, upset, grim. He titled his head in confusion and crouched down as much as he could.

“You shouldn’t be here.”, Wilbur snorted slightly, then turned to giggles and those giggles turned to psychotic laughter as he processed the point that Tommy just brought up, he wasn’t supposed to be here? “I’m not supposed to be here Tommy? What about you?”.

No answer came, he laughed again, “Oh, Tommy, Tommy, Tommy.”. He brought a finger to Tommy’s face, gently squishing it. “Listen, I spent 13 and a half, 13 and a half years! IN THAT GOD DAMN HELL!”. The gentleness faded as he increased pressure on Tommy, causing Tommy to fall over from under the pressure and try to fight back.

The pressure lightened as he removed his hand, he was about to speak when he saw Tommy back away from him, he was confused for a minute.

But whatever it was, Tommy was mumbling and crying, flinching whenever he made a small movement. Usually, Tommy would be fighting back right now?

He put any other thoughts he had aside, “Tommy, what’s wrong?”. Sure, he might be cruel sometimes but that never stopped his older brother instincts. The boy cried louder. He cupped the boy into his hands and brought him closer to his face.

“Tommy, I’m here, what’s wrong?”, “I-, You-, Dream-, Can’t, S-scared”. He hushed the boy and nuzzled him, he flinched at first but soon reluctantly gave into the contact. It was clear to him that Tommy had changed drastically, more than he thought, he was traumatised. Who dared to hurt his little brother?

“Tommy, who?”, “Huh?”, “Who did it?”. He sniffled, “D-dream”. His eyes widened suddenly, a vision flashed of a tiny Tommy caught in an explosion, a memory from Ghostbur. He remained silent.

Without a word, he brought Tommy close to his mouth, gently placing him in. Tommy flinched as he was placed on his brother’s tongue, “W-Wil?”, “You’re safe”. He mumbled as he moved his tongue to coat Tommy, which then lead to tilting his head back and swallowing.

He traced his brother's descent with his finger, and soon felt him land in his stomach, he waited for his little brother to get tucked in and fall asleep, to which he did. Then he decided that he’d keep Tommy in there for a while, where he’d be safe.

[harrysweasleys]

a day in the life // f.w

request: Hi Alexaaaa So someone brought up this idea on my blog and i wanna request it id thats alright with you. So like imagine Fred having an auror wife and stuff and him being v protective and not wanting her to go on this dangerous mission but she goes anyway but gets really badly injured and poor freddie is worried sick. I love comfort fics i cannot lie and i hope u like this request thank you

warnings: mentions of explosions, injury, blood, and food

word count: 2.4k

a/n: hey guys! i hope you all had a wonderful week and that everyone is safe! the new year is right around the corner, can you believe it? where did the time go?? anyways, this was such a fun request and i loved writing it so much, so i hope you all enjoy! xx

“For the last bloody time, Freddie, it’s going to be fine,” you groaned, your head tossing backwards as you repeated the words to your husband for what felt like the thousandth time.

He crossed his arms, “I know you can handle yourself, but please. Please, for me, be careful. Don’t let anyone get the jump on you.”

A small smile made its way onto your lips and you placed your hands on his shoulders, “I always return, don’t I?”

“Yes,” he grumbled. You knew he hated it when you went off on dangerous missions — how couldn’t he? You were his wife. It was practically an oath of his to protect you. A vow. There was no way he’d let you run into the jaws of death without giving you a rough time beforehand. He always had something to say about it.

And he often did just that. He’d go on and on about how you could get hurt, how something could go terribly wrong and he could be left by himself. How you needed to see things from his point of view. You’d then spend the morning comforting him and convincing him you’d be fine, but at the end of the day, he’d always give you a bone crushing hug, muttering “glad you’re home safe” as he did so.

“I’ll be home in time for dinner, yeah?” you asked, standing up on your tip toes and pressing a light kiss on his nose. He scrunched up his face as you did so. You could tell he was trying to act upset at your leaving, but he couldn’t stay mad at you. Especially when, in his thinking, it could be the last time he sees you.

“Fine,” his lips stuck out in a small pout, one of his hands reaching up to run through your hair, “Stay safe, love.”

You brought your hand to his, lifting it to your lips and pressing a kiss to your knuckles, “Love you. See you soon. I’ll be fine.”

He then tossed your hand to the side — gently, of course — and brought your lips to his. His hand was cupped under your chin, fingers causing a slight ticklish feeling as they delicately moved against your skin. But the feeling went practically unnoticed as you lost yourself in his kiss. His kiss that often rendered you breathless and weak in the knees.

You could feel his love and protectiveness in the gesture and it almost made you want to call in sick so you could stay curled up in bed with him, ignoring the world’s problems and acting as you two were the only people on the planet.

But, sadly, that couldn’t happen.

So you gingerly pulled away, already missing his warm lips against yours, and muttered a quiet “I’ll be fine,” once again before beginning to button your jacket.

It was going to be a long day.

Hours later and you were, in fact, not fine.

The mission had gone horribly wrong, leaving you with a heavily bandaged left arm, a throbbing head, and a group of St Mungo’s best Healers giving you countless antidotes and potions to prevent bleeding and further damage. You had only really been in for about an hour, but the swelling in the left side of your body had gone down heavily.

The pain was still rather horrendous, but you didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. Especially not with the current levels of exhaustion floating through your body. You felt as if any second now, you could completely pass out and stay asleep for the next seven years. And you wouldn’t even complain.

Pain really did take a toll on one’s body.

What was even more draining, though, was the fact that your Healer told you you’d have to stay the night. You trusted the staff at St Mungo’s with your life — it wasn’t exactly the first time you’ve been treated here, to be honest — but the room you were staying in was incredibly chilly and the food here was never as good as at home.

Plus, here, you didn’t have Fred’s body curled up next to you.

Fred.

He had gotten the message an hour ago that you were here and he said he’d close up shop early to come see you. They said he sounded rather when they sent someone to deliver the message, but you knew he’d barge in through those doors with wide eyes and panic written across every inch of his face. He was never one to really hide away from his worry, but you had seen him silent on a few occasions. Usually when he was in shock.

You felt awful. Both physically and emotionally. Fred had every right to be paranoid about you leaving the house; this wasn’t your first injury. And yet, you spent every morning persuading him to let you go. Fast forward to today, where you were currently bandaged in an uncomfortable bed at St Mungo’s. Not an ideal ending to your day, to be honest. And not an ideal piece of news for Fred to receive.

“Your husband is here, should we let him in?” one of the healers came to your side, checking under the bandage on your hand before nudging her head in the direction of the hallway.

A small groan left your throat, “Of course.”

She walked towards the door to the room and opened it, Fred’s frantic face finding its way to your bedside as quickly as possible. You could see the paleness of his skin, making his usually fiery hair stand out even more. His sweater was badly buttoned, and you were pretty sure the scarf he was wearing was on backwards.

If the situation was any different to the way it was right now, you’d probably have a good chuckle.

His hands immediately found yours, giving small, gentle squeezes as if he would break you if he put any more pressure, “Love, are you okay? What happened? Are you badly hurt?”

You let out a sigh with a small smile, “Freddie, I’m fine. It’s just some minor bumps and bruises. I got caught in the middle of an explosive curse, it’s fine.”

He pulled his hands away from yours and sat on the small metal chair next to the bed, pulling it as close to you as he could, his eyes scanning every inch of you as if he were doing his own evaluation, “It’s fine?! I was worried out of my bloody mind, woman. Can you imagine the panic when some bloke comes to tell me my wife’s at Mungo’s? Bloody thought you were dying.”

“You’re not getting rid of me that easily,” you joked, rolling your eyes playfully before reaching your hand out to grab his, toying with the wedding band on his left hand, “I just have to stay here for the night. I’ll be home first thing tomorrow.”

“You have to stay?” his bottom lip stuck out, the childish pout on his face adding to the guilt fluttering in your chest.

You sat up slightly, trying to limit the weight on your bad arm, “I’m sorry, love. It’s for precaution. I don’t want to leave and make things worse. But, I promise, as soon as I’m discharged, we are heading home and doing nothing all day, yeah?”

“Well, I’ll stay here with you tonight ,” he puffed out his chest slightly as if he was a superhero, causing a bubble of laughter to erupt from your chest. Maybe it was just the exhaustion from your day, bud Fred’s sense of humour really never failed to get to you. Even at the worst of times.

Your eyes began to droop, but you gave his hand a squeeze, letting him know that even though you were fading, you were still listening and conscious. The last thing you wanted, now that he was here, was to leave him alone in the cold room. Cold, both in temperature and in atmosphere.

“You look tired, love,” his voice was soft, gentle. Loving. All the things you wanted to hear right now. If you were honest, you were worried he was going to be furious. Not at you, per say, but at what happened. So the fact that he was being caring and sweet meant more to you than you could begin to express.

Your eyes fluttered shut as he rubbed soothing circles on the back of your hand, “Tired? Me? Never.”

His laugh was quiet but you could hear it loud and clear, “Go to sleep. I’ll be here when you get up.”

You didn’t want to sleep, to be honest. You wanted to sit up and talk to him. To let him know you were sorry and just what went wrong today. You knew he’d listen, and would most likely panic a bit more when you told him the details — but he’d be comforting. And that was kind of what you needed right now.

But, alas, your body had other ideas, and before you knew it, you were sound asleep.

“I can handle it myself,” you groaned, both hands gripped tightly on the jar of jelly, twisting with all of your might and still, somehow, not getting the lid to pop off.

Fred stood in the doorway to the kitchen, his arms crossed and a small smirk on his lips, “Alright, I’ll just watch from here.”

You stuck your tongue out at him, turning back to the jar and focusing all of your strength into opening it. Which wasn’t saying much, to be fair. You hardly had your strength back, and your body was still as sore as ever. You should probably give the jar to Fred, but your inner stubbornness told you to do it yourself. You couldn’t improve if everyone did everything for you.

“You’re sure?” his voice was laced with amusement as he held back a laugh, watching as your cheeks turned red from the amount of force you put into opening this jelly jar. You were surprised it hadn’t broken, but then again, were you even applying that much force?

“I’m fine!” you grumbled, using your sleeve to prevent the skin on your hand from getting irritated, your palm already bright pink from excessive use.

But it seemed to be no use. Your toast will have gone cold by now, and your breakfast just wouldn’t taste the same.

“Fine, here,” you mumbled, sticking your arm out and pushing the small jar into Fred’s chest, your bottom lick stuck out in a pout that could rival your husbands, “I hate feeling useless.”

He popped the lid of the jar as if it were nothing before handing it back to you, “I know, love. But you’re not useless. Your body just needs time to recuperate, yeah? Can’t go pushing your limits or you’ll just end up back in St Mungo’s, and I reckon you don’t want that.”

“I don’t want that,” you replied, beginning to spread the contents of the jar onto your now-cold toast, “I’m just bored. I miss work. I stay home alone all the time.”

His arms slithered around your waist, giving you a light squeeze as he rested his head atop yours, “Georgie’s taking over the shop today so I can stay here with you. We can do whatever you want.” His warmth spread through your body.

You had to admit, that did lift your spirits a little bit. The whole day at home with your husband? That sounded like quite the treat.

“Really?” you turned to face him, his arms still wrapped around your waist, but he took a step back so you could actually look up at him, “The whole day?”

“Course,” he grinned, pressing his lips to your forehead, “Gotta take care of my girl.”

The day hadn’t been overly eventful; a few cuddles on the couch, a few cuddles in the bed, listening to music, sitting next to Fred and watching telly as he organized paperwork for the shop. Just a few small things. But being with him for the whole day, it really did make you feel a million times better than you had all week.

Maybe that was his plan. To use his very presence as a way to cheer you up. Whether he did it knowingly or not, it did the trick. And now, the aches and pains in your body seemed to dissolve as he ran his hands up and down your arms, the two of you curled up in bed and ready for another night’s sleep.

“Thanks for spending the day with me,” your shot him a smile, but highly doubted that he’d see it in the dark, “I already feel loads better.”

“Of course you do,” his voice sounded cocky even though you couldn’t quite make out his face, “I make anyone feel better. I’m a real treat.”

You scoffed, “Yeah, I adore your humbleness. That’s why I married you.”

One of his hands slid around your waist and pulled you closer to him, body flushed against his. He was still gentle as if not to hurt you, “Not the only reason you married me, love.”

“Right, I also married you for George. I don’t know what I’d do without that chap in my life,” you teased, one of your hands finding it’s way into Fred’s hair, twirling at the strands that were starting to get long. Not as long as when you were in school together, but long enough that it covered his ears and often made you tuck a few strands behind his ear.

“You wound me,” he tried to pull away, but you held onto him enough that he couldn’t. Your strength was starting to come back, which was a massive improvement.

“I’m actually the wounded one,” you rebutted, your face finding it’s usual spot in the crook of his neck, his warmth encasing you like one of his hugs.

His arms wrapped around you, “You can’t be wounded anymore! I gave you so much love. That should have healed you.”

You giggled, placing a light kiss as the nape between his neck and shoulder, “Silly me. Your love has healed me, that’s very true.”

Fred might have had a certain reputation while the two of you were in school. But now, with your marriage only getting better by the day, you couldn’t help but see him as just one thing. As Fred. Your husband, your lover, and the man who would throw himself into a fire if it meant saving your life.

You lucked out more than you can even begin to express, and you would continue to be so for the remainder of your days.

taglist (message me to be added!)

@grierpilots @hxfflxpxffs @mikumana @msmimimerton @pit-and-the-pen @diary-of-an-onliner @theweirdsideofstuff @thoseofgreatambition @theweasleysredhair @haphazardhufflepuff @starlightweasley @mytreec @thisismysketchbook  @valwritesx @vogueweasley @hufflrpuffforfred @phuvioqhile @marvelettesassemble @shadowsinger11 @breadqueen95 @hahee154hq @inglourious-imagines @almostweepingbanana @ickle-ronniekins @iprobablyshipit91 @wand3ringr0s3 @susceptible-but-siriusexual @amhyeah

[mcyt-imagines]

okay can i request a technoblade x male!reader, where techno and the reader are fighting someone *maybe quackity its not important tho) together and the reader gets injured, techno gets worried but realizes the reader can handle himself? sorry if thats too specific

I have combined this request and another request for a male reader fluff fanfic, so the ending is a little softer than a fighting fic may usually be! However, this is basically gender-neutral, whenever I added gender-specific pronouns it seemed really forced?? So I just left that out, I hope that’s okay! Enjoy :D

Underestimated 

It had only been a few days since Quackity’s butcher army attempted to publicly execute Technoblade. He hadn’t left your side since he returned home, hand in yours or arm wrapped around your waist as if to remind himself you were still here with him despite everything. Techno had been making preparations for another attack when he knew they would inevitably return to try again. But Techno never knows when to stop and start taking care of himself, that’s when you stepped in to pull him away from his plans and into your arms. It was as if the second his head hit your chest all adrenaline he had been running on the past few days, ran out. That was about 6 hours ago, and the two of you still had no intent on moving any time soon.

Your hands toyed with his hair as he continued to read slowly to you, glasses reflecting the soft warm glow from the nearby fire. It’s crackles had slowly been lulling you to sleep against Techno’s chest, mouth pressed loosely against his calm pulse. His hand rubbing soft circles into your skin at your back beckons you deeper into your subconscious, the soft rumbling of his voice fading fast in your ears.

A slam of the front door sends both yourself and Techno bolting up, tangled in long limbs and a lack of space as Phil comes into view from around your fireplace. “Quackity’s headed here!” Phil chokes out, obviously having run a considerable distance to deliver such a message, Techno stands, and you follow suit. “Already? He’ll be underprepared.” Techno mused, moving to start gathering his supplies. Tools recently sharpened, potions brewed days ago, and stacks of fireworks prepped for firing.

You mirror his actions, gathering your weapons with a bridled enthusiasm. You hadn’t been home when Quackity and his army had taken Technoblade and you had beat yourself up over that fact. Knowing that perhaps the outcome could have been different if you’d been there, you were going to make sure that was the case this time. Mind distracted by theoretical outcomes you equip your armour with practiced familiarity, knowing you’ve done this hundreds of times before. But only this time did it truly matter. 

A hand presses to your shoulder and you turn, “You’re staying inside the house. You know I can’t lose you, not now, not ever.” His hand moves from your shoulder to your hips, squeezing softly. Your eyes search his and only find pain and worry. “I’m fighting with you; you know I can handle myself Tech.” He looks away from your face, unable to meet your gaze.  He knows you’re right.

And he also knows you won’t take no for an answer. Especially considering they were able to take him to Manberg last time. “Fine.” He huffs out, “But you have to keep this.” Techno takes the golden charm off of his shirt, the small totem’s eyes glinting as he pins it to your shirt. You open your mouth to question him, “I have another for myself, don’t worry.” He meets your eyes then but only for a second, pulling you tightly to his chest. “Be safe my love.” His lips press soft atop your hair, “I always am.” You raise your head and meet his lips, hand cupping the back of his neck before pulling away with a smile. “Time to kick ass, huh?”

Even on the battlefield, you can tell that Technoblade is still worried, he is distracted by your presence in the fight. You intend to prove during this fight that his anxiety is for naught, Quackity didn’t even bother with a spiel about how Techno deserves this and he’s going to get justice instead opting to fight instantly. His butcher army stood by his side and seemed to assume Technoblade would be alone, Phil and yourself rid them of that assumption as quick as it had come. You were quick to notice they were down a man, Ranboo was missing. Technoblade was right, they were underprepared.

Fundy’s blade clashed with your own, drawing your eyes off of Techno and onto him. “He has to face justice; can’t you see that!?” There was no skill or nuance to his attacks only power behind them making them hard to block but easy to predict. However, you were breaking a sweat as he finally managed to nick your shoulder, with a particularly quick thrust of his sword your armour fracturing upon impact. You muffle your cry of pain with a grunt, nailing the fox hybrid with a deep slash across his chest. Fundy fell backward with a cry, shaking as you stab downwards into his chest and finish the job, his body disappearing and his items popping out of seemingly thin air.

You look over to where you last saw Phil, Tubbo now squirming futilely beneath his sandal. Your head whips around as Quackity screeches, bloody body barely making it to the ground before disappearing. It seems you’d at least get a good haul of loot from these idiots. Techno’s eyes are frantic searching for you for a moment, you watch as his body visibly relaxes when he spots you. “Are you alright?” His hands are all over you, feeling for any injuries. You intake sharply when he gets to your shoulder and he growls, “That bastard.” You place your hand over his, “It’s merely a scratch Tech. I’m fine. Are you okay?” You are acutely aware of the growing patch of crimson on his torso, white shirt stained dark. “Nothing I can’t patch up.” He grumbles, hands tentatively pressing on and around the area.

Techno refuses to let you patch him up first, practically throwing you onto the kitchen table so he can get a closer look at your shoulder. It’s barely even a scratch. But you’re quick to realise it’s a great excuse for him to touch you so gently. Pressing on your skin as if too much pressure would cause you to shatter completely. “You dropped your arm to avoid the brunt of the force behind his blade,” Techno observes looking to you to confirm, you shrug lightly in response. “I’ve seen you do it before. Watched you do it the other day when you were sparring with Phil.” 

He nods solemnly, deciding he truly can’t do anything about your shoulder. Due to it being a scratch and nothing more, as you had said several times. “Well, for someone who just watched me do it you completed the move pretty well.” His eyes can’t meet yours and you smile softly, “Eh, my reflexes are just pretty good. Not a whole lotta skill involved for me.” You are quick to change the subject, ushering him onto the table so you can look at his torso wound.

Your fingers are nimble, working through each stitch with a practiced precision that Techno watches with a keen but relaxed eye. You’re usually the one to patch him up, he can do it sure, you’re just better. And maybe he secretly likes how close you have to get to him and how gentle your hands work against his skin. “I was watching you… during the battle I mean, you made short work of Fundy.” Your hands still for a moment fumbling with the bandage, your eyes move to his and he looks away quickly. “You were? I uh, he isn’t traditionally trained or anything, so he wasn’t much of an opponent.”

You force yourself to keep your brain on track, tightening the bandage around his middle as gently as you can. One of his hands grabs your wrist, you still immediately and meet his eyes. “I… you really can’t take a compliment, can you?” His sigh is soft, and his eyes are warm, “What I’ve been trying to say is that I’m sorry for underestimating your skills and that I’m proud to fight by your side.” Even as he says such sweet things, he still can’t seem to hold your gaze. The grin on your face is enough to bring his gaze back however, “Best be getting used to fighting with me then because I don’t plan on budging anytime soon.” Your lips press firmly to his cheek a few times before he turns his head to catch your lips.

“We can start training tomorrow because I’m still exhausted.” Techno groans, shifting to get off of the table, your hand finding his with ease and leading him back over to the fire where the two of you had been hours earlier. That’s when you notice his hair, you gasp softly and take a seat in front of the fire. Techno moves to sit behind you, you quickly pat the ground in front of you. “Your braid’s come loose, let me fix it for you.” 

He moves with vigor at your words, knowing your nimble hands against his scalp will send him to sleep in minutes. The warm glow of the fire highlights his bright eyes as they peek back at you every few moments, “Head forward, my prince.” You press a few soft kisses to the back of his head and his hands snake around to knead your soft thighs. You huff out a breath of air as your cheeks heat up at his ministrations  

“I’m trying to focus on your hair here.” You grumble, “What?” You can hear the smirk in his voice, so in retaliation, you focus your full attention on his hair, not noticing his hands on your thighs begin to slow their movements until they stop, and you’ve finished the braid. “Techno?” The soft snoring you hear in response warms your chest and you carefully manoeuvre him to lay down on the plush fur rug in front of your fireplace. 

He’s normally a light sleeper, which means he truly must’ve been exhausted by that fight. You quietly lay next to him, tangling your legs and wrapping an arm over his chest being careful near his wound. “I love you, Techno.” A kiss to the side of his face doesn’t wake him as the crackling fire and howling of the chilly wind outside lulls you into a peaceful sleep.

~Requests are always open!~

[literaila]

we work so well between the lines

spencer reid x reader 

warnings: angst. cause... thats all i can write. theres a lot of anxiety mentions, and panicking so if thats triggers you just click away..... again its pretty shitty. please enjoy. 

Y/N was still working.

Lately, it seemed, she’d been working later and later, with barely any space between each report she filled out. She woke up and got on her computer, she worked until late afternoon when there was no chance of her ignoring the monster in her stomach, and once she was finished eating she was back to work. And then at almost one in the morning she went to sleep for four hours. Then woke up and did it again.

It was an unorganized schedule. 

She ignored her phone, ignored the different notifications coming in, ignored her friends who kept asking if she was busy, if she could come out that night. She didn't have the energy to answer them, didn't have the energy to focus on anything but work. 

She stayed in her pajamas all day, her hair was greasy and her skin was dry. She was too busy working to take a shower. 

She was waiting for a phone call, just one. She was waiting for him to call her, waiting in the living room that they shared, in the apartment that was theirs, waiting for him in the home that they had made together. She was just waiting. She missed him so much. 

Y/N pretended she wasn't. She pretended she was just so caught up in her work, she just had so much work to do, she just couldn't be doing anything else. The work needed her, she thought over and over again. She pretended that working, and barely eating, and not showering, and just working in a house that hadn't been cleaned in days, she pretended all of that was normal.

 She was so good at pretending. 

There was a part of her- the part that wouldn't shut up in her mind, that wouldn’t just leave her alone. The part that refused to pretend with the rest of her- that knew something was missing. Knew that she was still waiting for a text, a call, even an email. But the same part of her knew it wouldn't come, knew that she was just pretending, knew that she was such a bad liar. 

She didn't pay attention to that part. 

She put it out of her mind. She pretended there was nothing she was waiting for, nothing at all. 

And there wasn't anyone she was missing. 

***

Spencer was exhausted. 

The case was exhausting. 

His job was exhausting. 

He felt like laying down and never waking up. That's how tired he was. 

It stayed silent on the plane ride home, the entire team had been gone for almost two weeks. Two weeks of non-stop working, and new bodies, and screams. Screams that danced around their heads, and images they never could seem to forget. 

None of them had enough energy to joke, or play cards, or even bother talking about the case. 

Two weeks was scary for all of them, it was hard to be away from their families, from their own beds. It was scary to think it took them two weeks to find a murderer, it was sad to think about all the lives that were lost in the process. 

Spencer was ready to get home, ready to feel the comfort of his bookshelves, and his soft bed. He was ready to get out of the hotel. He was ready to sleep without having to think about the murderer that was still running loose while they were sleeping. 

It was late when they finally arrived back in Virginia, the sun had fallen, and you could barely see any stars. 

None of them bothered saying goodnight, there was an unspoken agreement between the teams that they were just going home. They all just wanted to get home. 

Hotch and JJ had their boys to tuck in, it was hard for both of them to be so far away from their babies for so long. 

Derek and Emily wanted to get the last two weeks off of their minds, they wanted to relax within their own homes, a place where they both felt safe. 

Penelope was safe at home, snoring while she slept, with no nightmares for the first time in days. 

Rossi had not been as affected as the rest of the team, used to staying away from home, but he was ready to get back to his kitchen. 

And Spencer was just ready. 

It took effort for him to stay awake on the drive home, almost dozing off more than a couple of times as his eyes begged to be shut. Eventually, he made it though, back to his apartment that he hadn't seen in two weeks. 

He was ready to see Y/N, ready to talk to her, to see her face, to feel her skin. He was ready to sleep next to her again, ready to feel her body heat, ready to wake up to her face. Ready to sleep. 

It was terrifying to leave her alone in their small apartment for two weeks, terrifying to be so far away from her. It was so hard not to call her all the time, to check up on her, make sure he was okay. But he did, and he was sick of it. 

He just wanted to see her. 

He missed her so much, it was a constant ache in the bones, in his blood, in his mind, reminding him of just how much he missed her. Reminding him of just how often he was gone, leaving her all alone. 

He needed to see her. 

***

It had started when she was little. It started when her parents started leaving her alone. 

When they would go out, sometimes with their friends, sometimes for work, sometimes to get dinner, when they would leave her all alone. 

She wasn't good alone. She wasn't good at being left alone. 

Her parents never knew what happened when they left. They never knew how she would lock each door and every window, over and over again, just to make sure she thought, just to make sure it's all okay. They never found out about the phone she used to call 911 when she heard a creak in the walls, when she was worried there was something wrong. They never knew about the 911 dispatchers who had to reassure her, they never found out about all the times she called them. They never knew that she would sit at the window, watching and waiting for their car to come home. They never knew about the panic attacks she would have when someone knocked on the door, when someone wanted to talk to her. 

They never knew about any of it. 

Her anxiety had always built up the longer someone was gone and had always been a big hole in her chest that would only get bigger with time. 

She learned how to cope, she learned how to stop worrying, how to make sure no one ever knew about how much she worried. 

It had taken years to stop freaking out every time someone walked out the door. 

When she was 16 she thought she had it under control. She thought she had filled the hole so far, so high that she would never be afraid of someone being gone again. 

She was wrong. 

She was so so wrong. 

The hole stayed with her, buried in a place she couldn't reach, getting deeper and deeper with each day that went by. 

She hadn't heard from Spencer in a week. 

***

Spencer had attempted to be quiet when he got home, even with how tired he was he didn't want to wake his girlfriend up. She needed her rest as much as I do, he thought. 

He was putting his shoes next to the door and hanging his satchel up when he noticed all the lights were still on. He didn't pay any mind to it, figuring Y/N had left them on when she went to bed on accident. His eyes were drooping and his back felt like it was going to collapse, so he quickly hurried into their bedroom. 

Spencer dropped his bag on the floor, planning to unpack it and do laundry when he didn't feel 10 minutes away from passing out. He smiled at his girlfriend who was lying in bed, sleeping softly. He climbed into the covers with her, pulled her close to him, smiled, and fell asleep. 

***

Someone was touching her. 

Someone grabbing her. 

Someone was behind her and she was wrapped under their arms, and they were squeezing her, and she had no idea who they were, she didn't know them someone was holding her. 

It was too tight.

Y/N tried to push against their arms, tried to move them away, far far away, so far that she wouldn't be able to see them, she just wanted them to go far far away. 

Spencer could feel something pushing his arms, but he just figured Y/N was moving. 

It was only when she started screaming he woke up. 

She was screaming, and she was telling whoever was holding her, holding her against them, holding her against her will, she was telling them to just, just get away because she had no idea who they were and she just wanted them to get away. Just get away. 

Spencer didn't know what to do.

He let her go and tried to sit up but she was faster than him. She was jumping out of bed and crawling across the floor in a matter of seconds. Her face was red, and her breathing was rapid, and her hair was a mess, and her face was terrified, it was terrified and Spencer didn't know what to do. 

“Y/N…” he said while walking toward her, walking toward his crying girlfriend. 

She started screaming again as he got closer.  

“Okay! Okay Y/N... I won't come any closer. I’m not going to move any closer baby.” He said softly, he just wanted her to stop crying, to stop screaming he just wanted to go over and hold her, but he was just barely awake, and his mind wasn't quite functioning normally. 

“Get out! Get out! You need to leave- I- I- I need- I need” Y/N said as she started to gasp, as her voice got caught, and she was grabbing at her throat, and pulling her hair, and trying to breathe, she was just trying to breathe, but she was scratching at her skin, and hyperventilating, and she couldn't think. She couldn't breathe. 

She was scratching at her skin, trying to get it off, trying to breathe, trying to get away. She was going to hurt herself.

“Y/N! Don't-” Spencer said, much louder than last time, as he tried to take a step toward her. But he could see the way she recoiled when he had just barely moved, he could hear the way her breathing had gotten even faster, and she was staring up at him like he was a monster, and so he stopped. “Y/N hey I need-” he swallowed trying to get her attention “I need you to stop doing that you’re going to hurt yourself-”.

But Y/N wasn't listening, her ears were pounding and all she could hear was beeping, just loud beeping right in her ear. And she still wouldn't couldn't breathe. Why wouldn't her body just breathe? 

She gasped again. 

“Y/N Okay, okay I’m- fuck- I’m going to, I’m gonna- “ 

It was then that she started gasping out words. 

“Spencer- I need- I need! I need I need I need- Spe-” And she was still trying to breathe and she was still trying to speak, and Spencer was still trying to figure out what he could do if he couldn't touch her, he just wanted to fucking touch her and he couldn't, and if he could just hold her if he could just grab her and and help her if he could just- 

“Spencer! I need I need-” a pause to gasp again. “I need Spencer! I need my boy-” gasp. “Boyfriend- he- he just- where- where-” she tried to catch her breath again, she tried to breathe just one more time “where is he!? Where did he go!?! He said- he said-” 

And she was staring at Spencer, she was staring at her boyfriend, at the man she was asking for, and she was scared, and she was angry and Spencer felt himself crumble at his own name. 

She’s calling for me, he thought, she's calling for me but I’m right here and what can I do, what can I do, I’m right here, he said over and over again in his mind. 

And Y/N was still staring at him, still not looking at him just staring, still gasping, still clawing at her own skin, still waiting for him to do something. 

“Y/N, I’m right- I’m right here. Y/N, baby, it's Spencer. I’m right here.” He was staring at her, hoping she’d understand, hoping he could go over and hold her and just hold her. 

It seemed as if Y/N was struck out of her gaze, and she was looking Spencer up and down and she was actually seeing him now and she finally managed to gasp out

“Spencer.” and her voice was rumbling, and her hands were shaking, but she looked relieved now, and Spencer could tell so he went to her. 

He went to her, and he grabbed her face, and she gasped again but even louder and it seemed the air was finally making its way to her lungs, and she grabbed at his hands which were still on her face desperately. 

And all Y/N could think about was how Spencer was finally there, he was there and he was fine, and she was fine and he was there. 

Spencer held her face in his hands, and wiped her tears with his hands, and kissed her forehead over and over again, feeling immensely relieved that he could finally touch her, that he could finally just touch her. 

Y/N was still crying, and she was clawing at Spencer's shirt, and he took the hint and he moved to pick her up. 

And he held her. He held her so tight the world was finally in focus and Y/N knew exactly where she was, and she knew that he was okay, and she could breathe, and the hold was being filled with each breath they shared. 

He tried to ask her what was wrong, but it only caused her to cry harder, so he just held her, he just basked in her warmth, and tried his best to make her feel better. Tried his best to just be there for her, to just hold her. 

They stayed like that for several minutes. 

Both of them breathing slowly, and together, Spencer holding her and stroking her hair, and repeating “it's okay, it's okay, it's okay” over and over because it was the only thing he knew how to do. 

And she was breathing, and she was fine, and she wasn't scared anymore, and they were just breathing together, just holding each other. 

It was a while before they decided to move off of the floor. 

Spencer gently tapped her shoulders, and softly said “let's get up sweetheart” and it took Y/N a moment to recognize the words, it took her a minute to nod. Spencer let go of his tight grip on her, and together they stood up. 

Y/N was dizzy and Spencer had to help her walk. He helped her lay down, and went to his side of the bed, and held her under the covers, and stroked her hair, and just listened to her quiet breathing. 

They both laid there, content with just calming down, with just taking a moment to breathe from their bed and think separately. 

Y/N knew she was going to have to say something, she knew that she had to say something to him, had to explain what had happened, that she couldn't just hide her anxiety in a box and shove in a room to never be discovered again. She couldn't do that anymore. But she wasn't going to be the first to talk. She wasn't going to talk if she didn't have to.

She wasn't the one who made the choice. 

Spencer, who was just thinking about her, thinking about how he’d never experienced something like that with Y/N before, thinking about how he must have been missing something because there was clearly something wrong, he was the first to talk.

“Y/N? Are you… are you okay?” he said softly in her ear, trying to not push her any further, he knew she must be exhausted. 

Y/N's voice was sore, and her muscles ached from exhaustion, and her chest still felt tight, but she finally managed to answer “yes, I’m fine now.” 

“You- you weren't fine though.” 

She didn't say anything, just nodded against his chest, breathing him in. 

“What happened?” he asked after a moment. 

Y/N swallowed and could feel tears pricking at her eyes, tears that she refused to let out. “I- it's just been a- I didn't realize you were home.” They were the only words she could bring to her head, and she still had no idea how to explain anything that happened. 

Spencer didn't understand, and he wasn't satisfied with that answer. 

“I’ve come home before late at night… you didn't-” he paused trying to find the right words “this has never happened before.” 

Y/N could feel herself nodding but she still had no idea what to say. She still had no idea how she was feeling. 

“Can you tell me what happened? I’m- I’m not trying to push you… but we can't just leave it like this.” 

“I just-” Y/N sighed, moving away from Spencer to sit up. If she was going to have this conversation she was going to do it right. “I haven't heard from you in a while, and I was worried, and I didn't- I didn't know you were coming home, and I thought you were someone else- and I was just- I was just scared.” her voice was shaking as she explained, and she was picking at her nails trying not to look her boyfriend in the eye. 

He was frowning, looking down at her hands and trying to think. “I don't understand, I- We’ve been talking, and you were scared? I don't-” 

“You haven't texted me in a week, Spencer.” Y/N's voice was hard, filled with some frustration and some confusion.

“Yes I- I’ve-” Spencer was looking at her shocked, thinking, trying to remember when the last time they talked was. “I have- I have?” 

“No. You haven't. I haven't heard from you since you told me the case wasn't finished, last Friday.” Y/N was looking at him now, looking at the way his entire face fell as she explained, watching the way his eyes winced almost as if he was in pain. 

“I didn't- I was-” 

“And I know you were busy with a case, and I know that I wasn't as important, I understand that I really do-” Spencer tried to cut in but she kept going “I was really worried though, I had no idea what you were doing or what was going on or when you were coming back or if you were okay. And I was just really worried, and I was trying not to be because it's not your job to make me feel okay and I- '' her rambling was cut off my Spencer's harsh tone. 

“Yes, it is.” He stared at her, his face unmoving. 

“No, it's not Spence and-” 

“Yes, it is. Of course, it is. Jesus Christ, you’re my girlfriend! It's my job to make sure you’re alright, and even if it wasn't I can at least take the time to text you!”

Y/N recoiled at his angry tone, even though she knew none of it was directed at her. 

“Oh Y/N... no, it's just. It's okay, I’m not going to hurt you-” she nodded at his words, still watching him trying to figure out what he was thinking “ it's just, I can't believe I didn't even text you. God, I'm-” 

“Spence, I’m not mad. Really I'm not mad, I’m just I’ve always been so terrible at being left alone, and usually, it's fine, but I don't know- I was- just so anxious and I couldn't stop it and I was so worried, and I knew you were just working that's” she swallowed trying to let her mind catch up to her mouth “that's why I didn't call you.” 

“I wish you had I-” 

“No, work was the most important thing, I didn't want to bother you.” 

Spencer was looking at her shocked, just completely shocked that she could ever say something like that. 

“Y/N.. you’re the most important thing. You always are, you’re the most important thing in my life. And you could never bother me, especially not with just a phone call.” 

It was Y/N's turn to look shocked, she didn't expect that type of reaction from Spencer. 

“Don't look so shocked, please. You are my favorite person. You are the only person I want with me at all times. And I’m sorry we’re apart so much, I’m sorry my job takes me so far away from you.” Y/N could hear the desperation in his voice, could see the honesty in his warm brown eyes. 

“It's okay Spencer, your passion for your job is one of the things I love most about you. And when we’re apart for so long, it feels amazing to be together again.” She brought his hands up to her lips and kissed it as a way to show her belief in the words she was saying. 

“I never want you to feel anxious about me. I want you to call me when you’re worried, I want you to tell me everything because I care about you. Okay?” He asked looking right into her eyes.

“Okay.. yeah… okay.” She said looking down again. 

Spencer grabbed her face and brought it to his so they were looking at each other again. They were so close, and both of them felt their heart speed up at just the proximity of the pair. 

“Okay?” Spencer asked, almost in a teasing voice, trying to make sure she understood completely. 

“Okay.” She said as she brushed her lips against his feeling like she was home for the first time in weeks. They were both restless as their lips moved against each other, Y/N could feel Spencer's hands hold on to her face desperately, trying to keep her as close as possible. 

They broke apart and smiled at each other. Spencer looked down and frowned, and Y/N looked down with him. 

They were both frowning at the red marks on her chest, the scratches that she had made, the dried blood that was there reminding them of how desperate she was to escape. 

Spencer rubbed his thumb over the marks, feeling terrible for everything that had happened. 

Y/N looked at him frowning and moved his chin so he would look at her. She smiled at him softly in reassurance, in a message that it was okay, that it wasn't his fault.

“How about we go take a shower?” he asked, looking at her again, not smiling but not frowning “I’ll help you clean up, and I’ll wash your hair?” 

Y/N smiled even wider “I’d like that.”

“Yeah?” Spencer said, a smile finally reaching his face and making Y/N world so much brighter. 

“Yeah.” She said, and she kissed him again, just so they could be close. 

my masterlist here 

[celestie0]

ELLIEIEIEIEIEIEEI ‼️‼️

hi 😆🥰 i’ve missed u bae its been FOREVER 💗💗 how’ve u been?? also bae i love u so much like UGHH 😭‼️‼️

omg also bae i just noticed you started this blog the day before my birthday 😆😆 thats so cute we’re like meant to be 💗‼️

ALSO BAE I GOT SOME TEA LIKE OH !! MY !! GOD !!i think my friend has been flirting with me ?! 😱😱 (me having my main character moments frfr) LIKE BAE WE WERE TEXTING (it was like 12:30 at night 💀) AND THIS MAN PULLS SOME SHIT LIKE JUST READ CAUSE I CANNOT FATHOM MY CONFUSION.

him: i’m tired i might go to bed

me: o okay i might go to sleep too then bc no one else is answering my texts 😭

him: i can stay up if you want me to

me: no you’re tired its okay you can go to sleep

him: nah its fine i already messed up my sleep schedule 💀

me: its okay if you’re tired go to sleep 😭 i’ll be fine

him: i’d rather talk to you

me: YOU’RE TIRED GO TO SLEEP 😭😭

him: i’ll be fine

him: i don’t mind staying up for you

HUHHHHH ?!??!?!?!! (i think im just taking it the wrong way 🧍‍♀️or am i??) ELLIE BAE HELP ME PLEASE IM SO CLUELESS 😭😭 i thought this man was zesty BUT THEN HE PULLS SOME SHIT LIKE THIS ??? why are men so confusing 😒😞 that’s probably what reader thinks whenever kickoff satoru does anything(no bc same 😞)

ANYWAY BYEBYE I LOVE U SOOOO MUCH 💗💗

-🦌 anon

omg HIIII baby i missed you tooo 🥺💕 i was so happy when i saw you sent me an ask!!! i’m doing well tyyy it was my friend’s birthday yesterday so i celebrated w her today ☺️ just got home n im exhausted LMFAO

how are you bb? i remember last time u said u were sick 😭 i hope you’re feeling betterr!!

omg also bae i just noticed you started this blog the day before my birthday 😆😆 thats so cute we’re like meant to be 💗‼️

AWWW so cuuute omg maybe i was a birthday gift waiting for youuu 🙈🧚‍♀️✨ (im horrendous at flirting)

GASPP “i’d rather talk to you” 🤭🤭 “i don’t mind staying up for you” 🫣🫣 he does sounds a lil flirtyyy 🙈 hehehe but also🧍🏻‍♀️men will say shit like this n then say ur just friends. but idkkkk babe he sounds like nonchalantly flirty like he’s tryna play it cool but he rly wants to talk to you at the same time bahhaha

“i thought this man was zesty” LMFAO

ok but the more important question is how do YOU feel about HIM? 🤔 do you hope that he is actually flirting w you??

hehehe love u toooo my dear i hope u have a wonderful evening <333

- ellie 🦢

[jademakean]

Clouded Sea

JJ Maybank x Routledge!Reader

Warnings: Death, Thalassophobia.

Not edited

･*:༅｡.

It had been a while since your brother’s disappearance. You don't recollect how you reacted to the newfound information, in the beginning, your overwhelmed mind blocking out the details. What you do remember is how you spent days in your room mourning until you snapped out of your trance.

Just because they didn't find the boat doesn't mean they aren't alive.

It's John B, he knows how to get out of difficult situations.

He's okay

Of course, your slight change in attitude received attention from unwanted locals, you seemed more eager to leave the house, you didn't cry anytime you came back to the Routledge house, there weren't dark circles under your eyes anymore and it wasn't too long before they understood what you began speculating.

Delusion ran in the family

The pogues were the ones to understood your situation the quickest. On the rare location, John Bs name was mentioned, you spoke of him as though he were still alive. Barely phased by the fact that your brother wasn't around anymore. They also noticed how you'd run off right home to check the mail after hanging out with them.

At that point they began to pity you, believing that you were in denial and becoming obsessed-which you were- they discussed it amongst themselves trying to finds ways to bring you back to reality.

JJ was a different story, he became more distant and quiet. Mostly hanging at his house with his god-awful father. Doing his best at ignoring you because you'd just remind him of his second greatest loss.

As time went on you got some clarity on your surroundings. JJ behavior mostly.

You weren't sure how to approach him at first, he must be having his own battles that didn't need to be brought up, maybe he'd shut you out even more if you tried to ask him how he felt. So you decided to be casual.

You remembered how you had asked him to teach you how to surf before John Bs disappearance. You never learned how  because of your fear of the ocean, and it had gotten worse due to this past event. 

Sweat began to gather on your forehead due to the blazing sun up above. You readjusted you loose shirt, hiding your plain bathing suit. You knocked on the metal door, nervously waiting for who you were looking for and as you were about to knock a second time, a very tired JJ appeared with squinted eyes as the light hit his face.

The air left your lungs momentarily. You hadn't seen his face in a long while but he was here now, in front of you.

You snapped put of it when he whispered your name "What are you doing here?"

Taking a deep inhale, you smiled charmingly. “I came over to get you. You promised me you'd teach me how to surf last year, remember?” It was your fault for holding the plans back for so long, the thought of swimming above water clouded with sand was terrifying to you.

You walked past him, grabbing the beach towel on the floor and some sunscreen. “Right now?”

You answered with a smile “Of course! Better sooner than later. I'm tired of holding our plans off, we should just get it done and over with.”

“That's not what I mean.”

You stopped rummaging through the towels. It was easy to tell my the sound of his voice that he was still struggling immensely, it was also laced with confusion on how you aren't in the state of mind he is now.

“There are barely any waves today. I checked and there aren't many people either, it might be because it's a Wednesday.” You changed the attention the topic was directed to smoothly

“Y/n..”

You interrupted him by grabbing his hand, leading him to where his surfboard was abandoned for these past weeks. “Lets go, the sun is about to set.”

As you previously mentioned moments before, the sea was still. The sun warmed up everything beneath it, almost making you excited to get in the chill water.

Once you reached the shore line JJ began making little mountain of sand beside you “What are you doing?”

“You have to practice on sand before trying the real thing." He sighed.

“Actually-” you caught his eyes “-I was thinking that maybe you could help me get more comfortable with being in the water? I feel like that's the overall most basic step, you know?” You laughed lightly trying to cover up the anxiety spiralling in your head.

And thats what happened for the next few days. You started off small, allowing the water to reach your knees then moved on to mid thigh, and that alone lasted about 20 minutes. However, you didn't mind. You were able to talk to JJ more, which was hard.

It seemed like there was something on his mind that was one fake smile away from being revealed.

You both began meeting by the beach at 4:P.M, you'd stay for a few hours before he'd start help u balance yourself on the pile of sand with his surfboard.

It was all going well. You were always a quick learner when you got excited over something. JJ on the other hand seemed to become slightly closed off, like the only thing set on his mind was to teach you surf and nothing more. Limeted physical contact, no unessesary comments, no jokes.

Oh, how much you missed jokes. You hadn't heard one from him since your brother's disappearance. Your hopes of peeping one from him was slowly dimming away.

"Alrighty! I think I'm ready to sit on the board, maybe go farther out this time. A two in one." You smiled. While pulling down your shorts you decided to keep your shirt on. You excitedly took JJ's hand before guiding him to shore.

The water was cold, as usual, but you didn't feel as hesitant to enter it like before. It was an improvement that you were glad to notice.

Since you had a later shift at work it was already 7:50 P.M and the sun was starting to set, making the sky was a beautiful mixture of gold and blue.

You snapped out of your trance once you felt JJ's hands on your waist.

You were suddenly flustered by his action, and even though he was just helping you get on the board, he hadn't been very physical with you those past days. His a action was simply unexpected.

"Thank you." You said sitting up straight.

There was complete silence between the both of you. The only sounds heard was the waves clashing together gracefully, peoples distant voices and seagulls flying over their heads. This was the normal routine between the two of you, no talking, just the patiently waiting for your fear to disintegrate into ashes until you're able to swim without a care in the world, just like all the Pogues.

You missed them, truly.

There weren't anymore meatups at the Chateau or watching them surfing from your spot in the sand, sunbathing while drinking fresh juice.

"Do ya want to make plans with the gang? We could eat dinner at the diner, and maybe sleepover my hous-"

"What is wrong with you."

JJ interrupted you with a harsh tone, causing your smile to falter. "What do you mean?" You asked, calmly adjusting your body so you could sit with both of your legs on one side of the board.

"You know exactly what I mean." He looked into your eyes this time. And it's now that you have no choice but to look at his face that you notice the dark undereyes, dry lips and messy hair.

He wasn't taking proper care of himself, he probably couldn't if he tried. It was obvious your brother's disappearance took a toll on him. "How do you do that?"

"Do what?" You asked, slightly afraid of his answer.

"How are you so okay with everything. I remember when you were locked in your room for weeks on end, and one day you just- came out. I didn't even see you and from what I heard it seemed impossible to be true. But then you just showed up at my door with no warning, with this big smile on your face and- I don't understand. He's your brother." His tone became more exasperated as he let out all the words that had been running through his mind.

"JJ, I'm not gonna stay sad all summer just because John be isn't here. I'm sure he wants me to do what makes me happy and keep taking care of myself. Plus, he's-"

"Stop talking about him as if he's alive!" JJ interrupted once again "He's dead, don't you understand? He's not coming back, or gonna send you some letter. He's dead."

His harsh tone made you feel as though he was purposely trying to hurt you. The worst part is that that's not the case. He's trying to make you see what he sees. "He's not dead."

There was a slight pause, he looked at you as if you were crazy.

"He's not. There's no body, so until I see one he's not dead. He's smart. He's got Sarah, they got away from the police and are probably in some island enjoying themselves."

"You've gotten comeplety insane! Do you hear yourself? You sound exactly like him when your dad disappeared, and you know damn well how that went."

His hurtful words ignited anxiety within your heart, making it feel heavy and sensitive. You were starting to feel too much and you didn't know how to stop it.

"I know he's alive! You'll see. He's gonna send some sort of signal, ofcourse we couldn't just show up out of nowhere when the police is looking for him. Since when does a disappearance automatically mean they died?"

JJ's eyes darkened, he was done with this game. He had to witness JJ obsess over his dad's disappearance only for him to be hit with utter disappointmen, he wasn't gonna allow the same to happen to you. "Face it. Your brother's dead, there's nothing you can do to change that."

His words hit you like a wave, his harshness making the agonizing emotion worse than ever thought possible.

It was so hard to keep hoping. It was exhausting.

"I don't wanna be alone"

Your words came out quiet and shaky. Once JJ looked back at you he took notice of the fact that your eyes were casted down, glossy and relaxed to the point where it seemed as though there was no emotion behind them.

The thought of not being able to hug your brother again- not having anymore long converstation about your future or simply seeing him from afar as he tried to outsurf JJ- was a thought that you refused to accept. However, you had begun douphting yourself and JJ finally saw through that crack.

His tense shoulders dropped, guilt sinking in knowing you were hiding the way you truly felt deep down.

"He's not dead, okay?"

JJ gazed at your expression swallowing the shame building up your throat before nodding his head. “You're right, he's not dead.”

He slowly approached you and got between your legs, wrapping his arms around you. “He's not dead.” You collapsed against him, resting your cheek against his collarbone.

Teardrops fell onto his golden skin, the feeling resulted in a shiver, running through his body as he hugged you tighter.

John Bs disappearance was harsh on everyone who truly knew him, and some learned how to hide it better than others. All that everyone slowly began understanding is that you were all one family and should watch out for each other.

“Do you wanna go grab a bite?”

You could almost laugh at his poor attempt to be casual, but you settled with a smile, pulling away from him while wiping your own tears with your arm.

JJ ran his thumb underneath your eye before kissing your forehead. “Come on, we can listen to Bob Marley on the way there if you want.” He snickered as he guided your surfboard towards the beachfront. You sighed, liking the feeling of the water moving underneath you as he pulled you to shore, observing the fish beneath you.

The sun had already set and all that was leftover of the sky was a pinkish-blue.

You could finally feel the sand beneath your feet. You watched as JJ walked off, grabbing his bag and shirt.

“Here.” He tossed over his top and your flip-flops as he slid in his. “Arent, you gonna be cold?” You asked knowing the shit that laid in your hands was the only one he had.

“What, would you prefer to walk around in your soaking wet shirt? Because I think that'd do more damage to your health than me going shirtless.” He teased with a raised brow.

You paused for a second allowing the realization that you are in fact soaking wet to sink in “Yeah you're right. Suffer.” Your approving sentence got a laugh from him.

You gaped at him. This was the first time you heard him laugh ever since go started talking to him again.

A smile made its way to your lips “Alright, I'm ready.” You stated after pulling a new shirt over your body. “My tapes are in the outside pocket.”

He pulled out the Bob Marley cassette from the bag before sharing an earbud with you. You accepted, untying your dry hair and finally setting it free.

The walk was peaceful, a comfortable silence falling over the both of you. The smell of pinewood from the trees was calming as you walked past the forestry area of the island.

You and JJ would always use this path after a beach day with the pogues. You would separate yourselves from the group so you could discuss about his job, home life, aspirations. Those were all things he never felt very safe discussing about with anyone but you. John B knew, but they didn't have the sort of relationship where they could switch to sensitive topics easily.

JJ liked how listened. You didn't look at him while he talked about such things, knowing he would feel intimidated by your gaze. The way your body slightly turned to him to show that you were paying attention. Most of all how you communicated with him first. When discussing about his father, you would ask if he needed a listener, a solution, or comfort.

Most of the time he would ask for you to simply allow him to rant, however, there were many times where he would ask for you to comfort him, just so he could receive the soothing sensation of embracing you tightly.

During every hug you shared, we're mere seconds of pure relief, relief that there was someone out there who knows about every aspect of his life and is yet to view him as weak.

“I’m really glad you got me put of the house. I hadn't surfed ever since he disappeared.”

It was as if the path you were on gave him the courage to speak with confidence. “And I'm sorry I was so harsh on you. I didn't mean to. I've just been feeling so much and I got so frustrated when you didn't seem as miserable as I am, I should've never been so insensitive.”

You knew he had a hard time apologizing to people, it made him feel vulnerable and he wants to have the upper hand in every situation. He likes being in control to compensate for the how much of it he lacks at home.

You looked over at him before smiling. “I love you too, JJ.” You ruffled his hair playfully before hugging his side as you walked.

JJ returned your smile, grateful for the fact that you resorted to a light-hearted response instead of a heavy one.

Time passed quickly and before you knew if you had arrived at the Chateau. JJ took a deep breath, his nerves increasing. He hadn't seen any of them, just as he hadn't seen you during those long weeks. How would they react seeing him there, let alone seeing the both of you together with smiles on your faces.

You squeezed his hand gently. An encouraging gesture to give him some strength.

You led him inside, the yellowish lights contrasted the night sky beautifully and as you both sat around the wooden table, you removed the earbud from your ear, which prompted him to follow your actions.

“JJ?” You heard Kie from behind you. Once you turned to face her she looked as though a miracle just occurred before her eyes.

Before your brain could acknowledge she dropped her notepad and hugged you both with the strength of an amazonian. “I missed you guys.” she mumbled into your hair.

As you were about to respond you felt more weight on you “We missed you guys.”

You giggled, now aware that it was Pope who was crushing you.

It had been so long since you had all shared such a heartfelt embrace, and you weren't going to let each other go for a while. You were all family. No matter how far you are or how long you don't speak to each other. This is what a true family was, and soon enough you were all going to be together again, as one.

“We missed you too.”

[bbarican]

september 04, 2022; 9:35 pm - thoughts and what nots

hi tumblr! really excited to go to work tomorrow kasi i feel like sa sobrang busy naming lahat sa office, nawawala nanaman yung pagiging makulit and masayahin naming lahat which i really miss

august was really challenging; i was so stoked for august in general kasi nga it was my birth month and everything tapos umuwi pa relatives namin from the states but my golly gee work was just something else last month and im just really glad na im getting the hang of it naman na kahit papano

cause literally the first two days of this month was super productive so im pretty sure thats a sure fire sign na this month will be good too

today though was really rough din, which tbh isnt surprising anymore - basta umabot sa point na i told god na im so sorry pero i couldnt be bothered to be jolly today and to actually give a fuck about anything that much kasi nga being with my family sometimes just makes me feel so exhausted; pero we're okay now thankfully

magmamakeup ako bukas so lets see how well it will last especially since magcocommute ako pauwi after work

sana may karioka ulit na tinda si ateng naglalako bukas; i swear, even my officemates know how much i love her karioka

im really excited to fix my baon too! im gonna have the same thing i had for dinner tonight - maling, rice with furikake seasoning, still thinking if i should have kimchi too or something different nalang on the side and ill bring my own coffee and stevia

i hope you guys are having a really lovely evening and i hope this week treats us all well

[lightsaberupmybutt]

Three’s a Crowd - Reader/Ben Solo/Poe Damerson (Modern AU)

alright so Ben/Kylo is a big ego kid in this, because of course. Also, Rey is ACTUALLY Lukes daughter in this, making them cousins. Ive fiddled with the plot okay sue me. 

Summary: Poe, Finn and their roommate have been living in a harmonious tenancy, but when Finn decides to move out for a year of travelling, the two are left with no option but to look elsewhere for their third body. Rey Skywalker, a friend of the group, proposes her cousin for the role. He's in a band, wears all black and all in all is somewhat of a social reject - but he's also all theyve got.  

“I think that one was actually somehow worse than last weeks” You tell Poe, as he pours himself a juice and settles down next to you on the sofa. You'd just finished showing around another possible roommate and you felt exhausted in every sense of the word. 

“How can he be worse than the neo nazi?” Poe shot you an unbelieving look and rolled his eyes, kicking his feet up onto the coffee table and knocking some of your papers in his wake. 

“Alex was a she, and they asked if they could hang their deer head in the front room” you grimaced even thinking about it, weren't all artsy college students supposed to be vegetarians anyway? why did you have to get saddled with the only blood thirsty one on campus. 

“Thats not so bad”

“Poe she showed me a picture of her taxidermied cat”

“Oh”

You had tried to find a polite way to stop her from passing you her phone, but you were too nice to make her feel uncomfortable, and now the image of the long dead tabby would remain behind your eyes for god knows how long. 

“was she hot?” You shook your head, causing Poe to sigh wistfully. 

“Not hot enough to cancel out her obsession with dead bodies anyway” you informed him, the hopeful look from his eyes gone. 

“Face it Poe, were doomed” You let your head fall into your hands, Poe letting out a laugh before wrapping his arm around your shoulder. 

“Hey we’ll get someone! who wouldn't want to live here?” You knew his question was rhetorical but when looking around the cleaner than usual flat, you had to admit it was missing something. Bare spaces on the walls from where Finn had taken down his pictures, the empty side of the kitchen counter that had once houses his overpriced coffees. You even missed picking up his empty cups after him, the room feeling like it had less character without them. It truly hadn't felt the same in the flat since Finn had left, and although Poe concealed it well, you could see it was getting to him too. Poe had, after all, known Finn first; Finn managing to get a very drunk and outspoken Poe out of a sticky situation he had found himself in when running across a local gang in a dive bar. The ‘first order’ as they so called themselves, had an infamous reputation around campus for being trouble makers and general doers of bad deeds. Ever since that night they had been an unstoppable duo, until they met you of course, and their duo became three. 

You loved Finn, and you knew told miss him like hell, but you also knew that Poe must be feeling that ten times over. 

“You wanna do something tonight?” You asked, changing the subject before his mind  drifted to where yours had. 

“what kind of something?” he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, 

“Gross” 

“hey I'm serious!”

“what about Razor Crest, they are open late, we could grab some drinks and meet up with some people” 

Razor crest was the only worth while bar in town; it was certainly nothing to write home about, but it played fairly decent music and it had a marginally less sticky floor than others. Additionally, your other friends lived just over from the humble saloon, making it the perfect watering hole for you guys. 

It didn't take much convincing before you had Poe out the door and ready to socialise. Upon arrival, he headed to the bar while you were waved over by Rey, who had already found a booth and was already at least a few drinks in. 

“Look, i think i have a solution to your roomie problemo” She told you, peeking over her straw, a gleam in her eye that made you feel not all too confident in her yet to be spoken plan. 

“Go on” you told her, cautiously. 

“My cousins back in town” She told you between gulps. 

“The weird one?” You asked, 

“Hes not weird, just ...eccentric” the last word was more of a question, but you could tell she was on a roll, 

“He's just joined one of the college bands and Auntie Leia says him and Uncle Han are butting heads” 

“ah cool, weve always wanted  live music in our own flat at 2 am” Poe injected, rejoining the table and placing a drink in front of you before taking a sip of his own. 

“hes not BAD at it, he just plays loud i think” She corrected him, “anyway, he's not a total twat, I'm sure he would be considerate of your sleep schedules” 

“didn't he try and stab you with a stick when you were five” you asked her, you'd heard stories of this cousin before and none of them were quite savoury, 

“that was ages ago! he's like way old now” she was starting to slur her words, but you had a feeling this was something Rey was quite set on. Rey was stubborn, and when she got something in mind she would move hell to make it happen; she was also your best friend, and someone you trusted the judgment off. Had she gotten you into some weird shit in the past? sure. 

Did you have any other options; nay on that. 

“Fine, get Han or Leia to bring him round at some point next week and one of us will give him a tour” You tell her, and she lets out a little happy shrill at her own personal win. Poe, not so much. 

“Speak for yourself, weirdo cousin can see himself around” he crosses his arms and pouts, you give him a little nudge. 

“Hey, maybe you'll be best mates” you offer, but when he shoots you a death stare you go back to your drink.

The family turmoil must have been more vicious than Rey had let in on; It was barely the next morning before you had a tall, intimidating male knocking on your door. 

“Hey!” you offered him, in as cheery a voice as your hung over self would allow.

He looked down at you from his towering height, but gave no verbal response. 

“You must be Ben?...”  He offered you the slightest nod you'd had ever seen in response. Okay so, not much of a talker, noted. 

You waved him in, shutting the door behind him. God, he looked even bigger inside? is that possible? Rey had failed to mention the sheer height on the boy. You'd seen pictures of her and her aunt and uncle, it seemed like Ben was a scientific and biological mystery. Like how did he get clothes to fit? did he have to shop somewhere special or

you were snapped out of your thoughts by a clearing of a throat. 

“So, how much is the rent” so he DID have a voice, 

You informed him automatically, still part dazed. 

“Ill be in by the weekend” he told you, and with a nod he moved past you, making his way back to the door.

“But wait .. y .. you haven't even seen your room yet?” You stumbled, dumbfound by the lack of foreplay. The previous people you had shown around were full of questions; they wanted to know the ins and outs of the place. Ben had seen all of the door way and the front room and he was already signing the lease. 

“See you then” he didn't stop, hand on the door knob as if you hadn't spoken.

“But i don't have your phone number” you don't know why that came to you first, but it was true. At no point had Rey offered you direct contact with Ben, probably assuming he would. It seemed reasonable, that you'd need his number before he moved in, didn't it? Poe was always texting you about random shit in the flat, arguably too much, but it seemed like the norm for people coexisting in such a small space. 

He turned back at you and gave you a confused look, 

“why would you need my number?”

“erm... to talk to you” your condescending tone not completely masked, 

“but ill be living here” he stated, which, he had you there. 

Before you could even think of a response  he was out the door.

True to his word, Ben had his things over by that very same weekend. Although it was unsurprising considering just how light he packed. In fact, other than his bass and musical equipment, you couldn't really think of anything he had actually brought with him to the flat. You got to meet his parents when they dropped him off, both of whom seemed leaps and bounds more conversational than their son. Ironically, you got Leia’s phone number before her sons; her telling you to message if you ever needed anything. It felt like an indirect jab at Ben, a ‘if he fucks up let me know’, but you digress. The tension between Ben and his dad was blatantly obvious, them sharing no words before he got back into the car and Ben into the house. He did give his mum a small hug goodbye though, and you thought you saw a small tear in her eye before she managed to wipe it away. 

Since his move in, Ben had kept painfully to himself. You barely saw him at all in those first days, just heard him through the walls the odd time he dropped something - or saw a plate or cup gone from their places in the kitchen. To be honest , it felt more like a paranormal haunting than a new roommate. Poe was vocal of his apprehension to the situation, sharing glances with you when you would both be in the living room and you'd see ben scurry by or passive aggressively texting you when his favourite cup had been used by someone who wasn't him. it was a relatively small issue, but Poe had blown it so out of proportion that you had ordered a new set of cups from Amazon and sent him the link, shutting him up for a while before he found something else to complain about.

it was the fifth day before you actually bumped into ben again. He was on the sofa with his base set up, twiddling with his amp. The sight surprised you so much you physically jumped back, causing him to look up. crap. act cool. act cool. 

“hey” you offered him

“hi” hi replied back, looking back down at his amp. 

right, yer. his space, give him his space. Just get your stuff and go back to your room. don't speak to him, leave him alone. he clearly wants to be left alone. 

“nice day isn't it” you wanted to cover your mouth, the words coming out against your will. Truthfully, you had no clue why you said it. You hadn't even looked at the weather this morning. Its just what people say right? 

“Erm” his eyes shot to the window and then back to yours,”no”

sure enough, it was pissing it down outside. The sky was actually comically grey and you'd have laughed if you werent so angry at yourself. You were unsure of what to do, and he was still looking at you, almost assessing you. His eyes were so serious and dark they felt like they were burning tiny holes into your skin. shit, you had to speak now right?

While regretting every single life decision that had brought you into this kitchen at this time, Poe sauntered into the room like your night in shining armour, ignoring Ben all together and coming straight over to you, placing a big arm around your shoulders. You saw Ben drop his head back down to this bass, and you used all your might to not let out a sigh of relief.

“Tonight, I'm taking you out” He offered, a cheeky gleam in his eye. 

“Are you now” 

“Razor crest, drinks and dancing, be there or be square” He lists off as if he's a paid promoter, causing you to let out a giggle. 

“Whos invited?” 

“just the gang” he said, causing you to shoot him an eye roll, knowing full well you ‘gang’ consisted of all of three people, yourself and Poe included in that number. 

but then you remembered, there was another person now, whether they liked it or not. Poe’s eyes followed yours to Ben and then back to meet yours again, you saw the realisation change to disgust, as he shook his head silently at you. 

you knew this look, the ‘don't you dare’ look, the ‘not in 1000 years’ look. But you couldn't help it, your lips were moving before you could stop them for the second time this morning. 

“Are you free tonight, Ben?’

The look of sheer betrayal on Poe's face made you wince, surely he'd understand right? he knew you well enough to know your verbal diarrhoea  problem. 

Ben didn't even look up, but he did let out a small laugh that felt quite antagonistic. 

“i dont go to Razor Crest” 

“i don't go to razor crest ugh” Poe mocked, causing Rey to let out a hysterical giggle, and you a sigh. 

You'd been out for all of three hours and you were all already feeling the effects of the alcohol. It was late and the bar was jam packed with students all raring to go. Poe had been making eyes at one particular red head  almost all night and you were half surprised he hadn't already made his move. Poe put out, it was a fact. You and Finn had at one time made a fridge chart for him, a gold star awarded every time he brought  girl home. Whether the goal was to make him feel proud of his conquests or embarrassed, you still weren't 100% sure, but after a month or so you had both lost count and given up. You told yourself it didn't bother you, that he was just a friend, and that he owed you nothing, but every time he left you at the bar for another girl something stung inside; something you pushed deep down but regrettably was still there none the less. 

Sure enough, as the night progressed, you and Rey ended up fending for it alone, and instead of feeling sorry for yourself you decided to do the responsible thing and drink more. 

After the third round of shots, Rey calls it in. 

“I think I'm gonna be sick” she tells you sheepishly, and you can't help but belly laugh in response. She starts to shuffle towards the door and you go to follow.

“Hey don't leave on my behalf” she tells you earnestly, but you wave her off. 

“Nah I've had my fill, I'm starting to forget which flat number i live at” you tell her, causing her to giggle this time. 

You both stumble out the bar, past the smokers and up the cobbled road towards her flat. She unlocks her door and lets herself in, not before giving you a drunken hug and a sloppy kiss on the cheek. 

As you ready yourself to make your way back to your own flat, you come back past the bar entrance; a particularly prominent cobble causes you to trip ever so slightly and gain a whoop from a group of boys who were passing round a box of marlboro straights. 

You suddenly realised just how dark it was and just how alone you were. Most nights you wouldn't stay out this late, and if you did, then you'd normally be walking back with finn. You let out a shiver, a mix of both the cold night air finally breaking through your drunken daze and a smidge of fear. The Razor Crests entrance lights were getting progressively further away, and although you know that you only had a maximum of a half mile walk back to your home, it felt like ample distance to get kidnapped or murdered in, most probably both. 

How many true crime stories started with a young drunk girl, scantily clad and out alone at night? You could hear the police reports now, which photo would they use? you prayed it would be a hot one, at the very least one after your thin brow phase. 

Being literally bumped back into reality, in almost a cruel humorous way, you felt yourself walk head first into a figure, their arms coming out to catch you as the sheer momentum bounced you back. 

Oh god, I'm dead. I'm literally going to die.  

“Hey, chill out” The voice made your heart beat both slow and race again, 

“Ben?!” you shrieked, voice hoarse through pure anticipation of your thought to be demise 

“Are you okay” he asked, and only then did you realise you were shaking like a leaf. 

“Im fine” you let out in a small voice, looking down at your shoes. You could feel the redness in your cheeks through pure embarrassment alone. This was not an ideal situation for him to see you in, and you kind of started to with that he had been a murderer, at least then you wouldn't have to deal with the second hand embarrassment in the morning. 

“What are you doing out here”

“why are you out alone” 

you both asked simultaneously,

“I was coming out for a smoke” He told you, flashing his tobacco pouch at you from inside his coat. His very warm looking coat, might you add. Another shiver ran down your body. 

“Im coming home from Razor Crest” you tell him, trying to be matter of fact but slurring your words just enough to spoil the show. 

“Yes obviously, but why are you alone” he shoots back in some what of a patronising tone, it wouldn't sit well with sober you and it definitely doesn't go down well with drunk you. 

“Im a big girl” 

“clearly” he makes, making extra sure to look you up and down from his towering distance above you, causing you to huff. 

“well i can take care of myself” 

“you shouldn't be out alone around here, its not safe” he ignores your response, looking you dead in the eye. 

You feel something inside you flutter, a warmth that you can't quite control. Okay, ben might be weird and a bit annoying it would seem, but he was handsome, thats for sure. The limited light danced off his strong features and dark shaggy mop of hair, making him look both dangerous and appealing. 

As if you were standing here mentally flirting with the idea of being with Res cousin; you made a mental note to punish yourself for the ludicrous thoughts in the morning. 

“Okay well I'm going home now” you tell him, attempting to push past him, but his large hand finds its way to your forearm and pulls you back,

“yes, you are, come on” If what he said before was patronising, he was now speaking to you like you were a dog he was walking. 

“go have your nicotine, ive got this one covered” you tell him with a mock salute, causing him to roll his eyes. He lets go of your arm and you take your win, trying to step confidently away without falling. You're proud of yourself for handling the situation when you realise he's following all  of 10 steps behind you, rolling a cigarette in his hands while holding a filter between his teeth. 

when he catches you looking, he nods down to his hands, 

“want one?” he mumbles between his lips, still holding the filter pride of place. 

“no thanks” you snap, picking up pace. 

Ben smirks at you, but you miss it, too focused on not embarrassing yourself and keeping your feet in line.