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stevie-petey · 10 days

Text

at arm's length

You fixed his hair and made a face in the mirror, just to get him to laugh, and you smiled when it worked. “I think you look handsome.” “Yeah, sure.” Steve pushed you away, though his arm stayed loosely wrapped around your side. He had always somehow done this, holding you at arm’s length with a possessiveness to it. You would come to learn that the possessiveness never really goes away. Not in the way either of you may wish for it to during nights two years from tonight.

Summary: you and steve found each other when you were eleven; he's held you at an arm's length ever since, suffocating you

Rating: general, suggestive themes

Warnings: toxic relationship, heavy angst, allusions to sex, some stancy, fem!reader, use of y/n, not proofread so pls be kind

Words: 2.9k

Before you swing in: where did this come from ? no clue ! this is pure angst though, no happy ending, all just heartbreak and a very toxic steve. beware. prepare. have fun !

Neither of you know how it started.

You aren’t sure when you allowed the lines to be crossed. Steve isn’t sure when he realized he wanted to cross them.

One night he had simply wanted to crawl through your window.

And, one night, you let him.

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” you always whisper against his skin in between highs and desperation.

“I know,” he always kisses the patch of skin just below your ear before encasing you, silencing you.

You’re not sure if he kisses the patch of skin as a promise or as an apology. For what he’s putting you through, for the ignored glances in school, for the way his body stills when someone says your name when he’s around, for the way you always see it.

Afterwards, Steve never stays long. He picks up his clothes as the quiet in your room overwhelms him. He feels your eyes follow him in the dark as he gets dressed and you remain in your bed, sprawled out wanting, waiting, mourning.

There’s never any malice or anger in your eyes when you watch him, and sometimes Steve resents you for it. He wishes you’d make it easier for him to leave.

Instead you always watch him with interest, a slight glint in your eye as if you know more than he does; Steve wants to mold a crease between your brows and turn your mouth down with his fingers so that your face isn’t as angelic and understanding.

“Drive safe.”

Your whispered words are the final blow to the thin wall of glass Steve hides behind. You wish him a safe journey home every time he drives to your house to climb through your window and take more from you than he deserves.

He hates it.

He hates you.

Yet every night Steve crawls through your window.

And every night you let him in.

–

No one knows how it started.

Your friendship with Steve Harrington was an oddity within Hawkins.

One day the two of you sat down together during lunch in the sixth grade, and the entire middle school cafeteria went quiet. Everyone had stared at you and whispered, wondering who you were and why you were sitting with someone above your rank, someone who ran with kids like Tommy Hagan.

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” you had mumbled to Steve, tugging at your sweater with an insecurity you can only feel when you’re eleven.

“I know.” Steve hadn't seemed to feel this same sense of insecurity at eleven as he popped a french fry into his mouth with a shrug, uncaring. “But who cares?”

You remember looking down at your food, embarrassed and unsure about it all. You’d been standing at your locker merely minutes ago as you looked around helplessly, lost in the school your mom had promised you’d enjoy this time.

Then Steve had found you.

He had been on his way to the lunch room, late to meet up with his friends, when he had seen you. He will always remember the way you’d been holding yourself, then. You were drawn in, looking around the empty hallways with a wonder in your eyes, despite your obvious fear, that Steve had never seen before in someone his age.

Steve couldn’t help himself.

He had asked if you were lost and the way your eyes widened at his question made something within him stir. He watched as a blush spread across your cheeks, shy and nervous, and Steve knew then and there that he couldn’t ever leave you alone. There was something in your eyes, in the way you had looked at him in that moment with that same wonder that had made Steve stop in the first place.

Soon enough everyone in Hawkins Middle watched as your friendship unfolded.

It was innocent enough, almost imperceptible to those who weren’t paying attention, but everyone knew.

Steve was never outwardly friendly with you following your first day meeting him, although he was inseparable from you in his own ways. He would walk you to your classes and always sat a few seats behind you so that he could keep an eye on you. Everyone saw how his eyes never left you.

You never asked why Steve wouldn’t include you with the rest of his friends. He never introduced you to them, yet he made you promise that if they ever said anything to you that you’d tell him. You promised him, swore to him that you would, and the promise seemed to calm something within Steve.

“Why?” You had asked him afterwards, not understanding why it seemed so important to Steve that you’d tell him if his friends were ever mean to you.

“Because you’re my friend.” He stood by your locker as he waited for you to gather your books. People walked past the two of you, whispering as they always did, but he had learned how to ignore them.

You remember frowning, feeling a pit forming in your stomach at his words. “But they’re your friends, too.”

“No, they’re not.” Steve scoffed at you and shoved his hands into his jean pockets.

“But you’re always with them.”

He looked down at his scuffed sneakers, then. “They follow me around. I don’t mind it that much, my dad says it makes boys look cool.”

“Your dad?”

Steve will never understand why he had told you about his dad that day, but he would come to learn that you always somehow made him weak against the things that darkened his mind; how you were always the one he confessed to.

“Can we go to class now?”

“Sorry,” you grabbed the last of your books and closed your locker. You smiled at Steve, you will always remember how hard you had tried to calm him down, make him comfortable around you, and you will always remember how you had placed your hand on his arm. “Let’s go to class.”

Steve flinched at your touch, and you would come to learn that touches weren’t something he was accustomed to; how it would be because of you that he learned what it feels like to be warmed by someone’s fingertips.

–

Steve isn’t sure when he became King Steve.

He thinks it was sometime during his freshman year of high school when he shot up a few inches during the summer and grew his hair long.

It had been your idea, growing his hair out, because you knew he liked it when you played with it.

“I look like a douche, Y/N.” Steve groaned when he had looked in your mirror. Sometime between sixth and seventh grade, he had started going to your house after school and on the weekend. He claimed it was because your mom was always nice to him, but deep down you knew it was because he enjoyed having you to himself.

You fixed his hair and made a face in the mirror, just to get him to laugh, and you smiled when it worked. “I think you look handsome.”

“Yeah, sure.” Steve pushed you away, though his arm stayed loosely wrapped around your side. He had always somehow done this, holding you at arm’s length with a possessiveness to it.

You would come to learn that the possessiveness never really goes away. Not in the way either of you may wish for it to during nights two years from tonight.

But two years ago you leaned into the arm that still held onto you and played with the hair that had only grown long because of you. “I mean it, you know.”

Steve’s eyes met yours in the mirror, and he saw the wonder there again, though now that you were both fifteen with a shared history, the wonder was now accompanied by a fondness that Steve couldn’t bear himself to look into for long. He loved your eyes, he loved the way you looked at him, but it always burned.

Thick silence had started to crawl in between you two, then.

Steve had grown a few inches and his jawline had sharpened and his skin evened out. One day, before your very eyes, he had stopped looking like the eleven year old boy who found you in the hallway. As you stared at him in the mirror that night, you realized just how beautiful he had become, and somehow, even then, you knew that this beauty would strangle you.

The silence had started to grip your neck, so you cleared your throat and tried to pretend that nothing had changed, even though everything had changed in that moment. “It’s late, your parents will want you home soon.”

“They probably don’t even notice I’m gone right now, Y/N.” The moment had been broken and Steve now felt the same fury that had been building within him ever since he was eight. The anger threatened to spill over, but Steve had come to learn that his anger only scared you, so instead he had tried to find another way to quiet the waves within his mind. “I have a better idea.”

“Is that so?”

“I spend the night.” Steve winked at you, he knew that you sensed his brewing anger, and he desperately wanted to reassure you that he wouldn’t ruin this.

You froze, as if you knew even then that this would be a shift within your dynamic with him. You called Steve your best friend at this point, and while he never said so out loud, you were his best friend, too. At school, you didn’t have many friends, but Steve had now become surrounded by both boys and girls, all vying for his attention, and though he still never introduced you to them, you knew even then that you were the most important person in his life.

As your eyes met Steve’s in the mirror once more, for a moment you could see the eleven year old boy again, and he’s the reason you say yes.

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” you reminded Steve for the tenth time that night as you looked over at your door to make sure it was locked. Your mom would’ve killed you if she had ever found out Steve never left.

“I know.” Steve crawled into bed next to you and collapsed with a huff. He wrapped his arms around you and you were weak against him.

You’ve always been weak against him.

–

You’re not sure when you first lost Steve to Nancy Wheeler.

They met when you were all in middle school, and yet somehow she hadn’t caught his eye until you were juniors and she was a sophomore.

He had dated other girls before, but none had been like Nancy; she was the only one who truly caught his eye.

You watched as he became infatuated with her. It happened slowly, and then all at once. He stopped walking you to class, stopped sitting a few seats behind you, stopped asking to spend the night.

Steve still saw the wonder in your eyes, though. He still saw the fondness that burned his skin and ground into his bones. He saw your eyes in Nancy’s, and it infuriated him. He loved the girl, he knew he did, but somehow you were always there.

Even after you stopped asking to see him, to sit in his car and drive, to be his best friend again.

Somehow, you were always there. You were always there, long after you stopped calling yourself Steve Harrington’s best friend and he stopped feeling the need to miss you.

Then, one night, when Steve had been on his way to pick Nancy up to go see a movie, he drove past you sitting on a park bench with someone’s arms thrown over your shoulders. He remembers feeling the wind being knocked out of him at the sight, he remembers the possessiveness that clawed so deeply into his chest that he had been afraid for a moment that he was dying.

He doesn’t remember changing lanes and parking there in front of you.

He doesn’t remember the way your face fell when you saw him.

He doesn’t remember the way the guy who had been wrapped around you stood up, asked who Steve was and why he was bothering you.

All Steve remembers is that he no longer saw the fondness in your eyes when you looked at him. The wonder had been gone.

“Y/N?” His voice hadn’t sounded like his own. Your name hadn’t left his lips in months; it felt like exhaling after breaking an oath.

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” you had shaken your head at him, somehow knowing Steve’s feelings before he did. He would come to learn that you had always known his feelings for you, long before he was ever able to figure them out himself. You looked at the guy next to you, your date for the night, and shook your head again. “Not here. Not right now.”

“I know.” But Steve hadn’t known anything. If someone had asked, then, what his name was, all he would’ve been able to answer with was yours. He was yours. “I… I know.”

“I think you should leave, buddy.” The guy you’d been with said, and Steve remembers now that his name had been Jamie. He had been on the soccer team, someone he had once shared a drink with at some stupid party last year.

Steve cleared his throat and avoided your eyes. You knew too much. You knew too much and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d spoken to you until then. “Have a good night.”

And then he was gone.

Steve broke up with Nancy a week later.

You never saw Jamie after that night.

–

Neither of you know how it started.

But you know how it will end.

Steve doesn’t, but you don’t blame him.

He sneaks in through your window most nights and takes from you what you’ve always been willing to give him; it’s how your relationship has always been, and yet you’d give him everything and more if he asked you to.

Steve kisses you and holds you at arm’s length and tugs you back in every time.

You always allow yourself to be pulled in.

One night Steve crawls through your window and reeks of alcohol. He trips over himself as he enters, his hair a mess, still grown the length you once suggested to him, and his jean jacket hangs loosely from his thin frame.

“Steve?” You rush towards him and help him through your window, holding your breath as you do so.

He leans heavily against you and slurs his words. “‘M here.”

“You’re here.” You confirm for him, setting him gently against your bed. As he stares at your ceiling with blurred eyes from the alcohol, you start removing his jacket and shoes. He’s not going home tonight in this state, you know his dad will only send him back here again anyways.

“Always here,” he slurs again, rolling his head to the side as he does his best to look at you. He squints, studying your side profile and it takes everything within you to not face him. You busy yourself with his clothes, giving yourself something to distract yourself with. He frowns, even in his drunken state he can read you so well. “Always… here.”

“You are always here,” you untie his shoes and place them against your wall. “It’s late, Steve. Let’s go to bed, okay?”

“No,” he now tries to fight against you. Words float through his mind, in a haze of letters and sentence fragments, and vaguely there’s something there that he knows he has to say. Some grand epiphany in between his sixth and seventh beer tonight. “I wanna–I wanna talk.”

You freeze.

He sees your discomfort and feels something break within him. He tries desperately to grasp at the words within his mind. “Here. It’s… You’re here.”

“I live here, Steve.” You’re not sure what he’s trying to tell you, but you know that if he keeps talking, he’ll ruin the last remaining line that tethers you to him. “Please, just close your eyes and sleep–”

“You’re always here.” His voice has strength to it now, as if the confession has sobered him up. His eyes are now focused, though his mind is still a haze of everything he hasn’t told you. His movements are still slow, his breath still reeks, and he knows that this isn’t what you deserve. “W-why?”

You close your eyes.

You’ve always known how this would end.

“We can talk in the morning.” You try to appease him, now gently crawling over him so that you can lay his drunken state to rest. “How about you just hold me tonight, okay?”

Steve is gone again, now lost in the alcohol he’s consumed once more, and your offer of him being able to hold you is all he can focus on now. Exhaustion washes over him and he wraps his arms around you, distantly he thinks he remembers someone else doing this to you once. The thought makes him hold onto you tighter, though he thinks that this isn’t fair to you.

Lips close to your ear, he whispers, “We shouldn’t be doin’ this.”

“I know,” you close your eyes again, scared he’ll see the tears within them.

Neither of you know how it started.

The undoing of whatever you had started long before either one of you truly knew what it was.

One day you were both eleven and Steve had been drawn towards the naivety within you that he never had himself.

Tonight, you’re both seventeen and the naivety is gone, and as the alcohol burns through Steve’s system, he knows it’s because of him.

You’ve always known how this would end.

Steve has only realized it tonight.

⌑ writing masterlist

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington x fem #angst #m's writing #dont ask where this came from idek #its sad and very toxic #boooo steve #might do a follow up on this #a part 2 if ya will #this was heavily inspired by normal people btw

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forever-rogue · 24 days

Note

let me just say i am obsessed with your work and i have a small concept with pre-outbreak!joel that i’d like to share. you’re welcome to develop this as a full fic, a headcanon or even just discuss it.

joel has been dating you for a while, it’s his first serious relationship since sarah’s mom left and needless to say he’s very much in love. but being with you comes with a lot of pressure. as i said, it’s his first real relationship and he tries to be the absolute best partner for you. in the beginning you don’t pay attention to it because what you have is new and of course you do a lot to make it work but as time passes, you realize it’s a bit more serious than that.

he literally drives himself crazy trying to be the perfect partner. to the point where he’s stressing himself out or feeling guilty about things that are either normal or out of his control. for example, let’s say it’s your birthday and he wants to take you to a nice restaurant. you happen to be late (maybe an issue with his car or traffic) and lose the reservation. it’s okay, you assure him it’s fine but he feels terrible and just trying to fix it. in a similar way, if you ever have an argument and you decide to leave to clear your mind, it will bring the worst anxiety out of him. it’s all small things that pile up until you realize that he’s actually terrified he isn’t enough because if he wasn’t enough to make the mother of their child stay, why would you?

you can choose how you work it out so he feels more secure in the relationship or tell me what you think of this, i’d love to hear your opinion 🙂

AN | Okay but this is so soft and heartbreaking at the same time. But there is a happy ending! Enjoy ❤️

Pairing | Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Warnings | Language

Word Count | 2.7k

Masterlist | Joel, Main

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Joel was standing on your doorstep, clutching a bouquet in his hand. He felt like he was shaking and sweating and going to throw up all at once. Needless to say he was nervous. It had been so long since he’d been on a date, let alone a first date. And not just any first date, but a first date with you.

You, that had almost knocked him over, literally and metaphorically, in the grocery store and left him feeling like a scared teenager. You’d been the one to ask him out, in fact, but he was still somehow convinced that you’d made some kind of mistake or were going to change your mind.

He rocked back and forth on his heels for a few moments as he listened for your footsteps. When he heard you unlock the door and slowly open it, his heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest.

“Joel,” your pretty lips pulled in a big smile as you looked him over, “you’re here!”

“Of course I am,” he replied sweetly, a soft twang to his warm drawl, “did you think I wouldn’t show up?”

“I don’t know,” you admitted sheepishly, your face growing warm, “men are weird sometimes…even more so when it’s a woman asking a man out. But I’m so glad you’re here.”

“You look beautiful,” he couldn’t believe how lucky he’d gotten or how pretty you were. You were wearing a pretty little sundress and that alone was enough to cause his mind to practically spiral; he was just a mere mortal man and even he was not immune to the effect of a sundress. He pulled himself together to hand you the flowers that were still tightly clutched in his hand, “these are for you.”

“They’re lovely,” you took them gently, your fingers brushing against his, “thank you so much. No one’s given me flowers in so long, this is so kind.”

“They reminded me of you, bright and pretty,” maybe he wasn’t totally terrible at this after all.

“Come on in for a moment while I put these in some water,” you moved back inside and motioned for him to follow you. He slowly followed you inside, looking around your humble abode to try and get a good feel for you, “so, have you decided what we’re going to do this evening?”

“I have a few things in mind,” he grinned, a little half smile that made your heart speed up a little bit as you quickly moved to set the flowers into a vase with fresh water, “I can tell you or you can be surprised.”

“Surprise me,” you set the flowers on the counter and looked at him sweetly.

“Surprise it is.”

“I have a feeling you’re going to surprise me a lot, Joel Miller,” you grabbed your purse and he shot you a cheeky little wink, “I look forward to it.”

“Me too, sweetheart, me too.”

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Joel Miller couldn’t believe his luck. It had been a year, a whole ass year, since the two of you had gone on your first date. That might have been one of the best days of his life, topped only by the birth of his daughter. He knew that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, and knew that he wanted to ask you to marry him.

But there was still some remaining doubt that kept nagging at the back of his mind.

A part of him was always waiting for you to realize that he didn’t deserve you and to leave. Not that you’d done anything to ever suggest that was going to happen but still. He thought about it…a lot. He’d felt like a complete failure when his wife had left him and their daughter when she was only a few months old without so much as a proper explanation. If the woman he’d loved and married, the mother of his daughter, didn't want anything to do with him, why would anyone else? And what did he have to offer anyway? Nothing. Not in his mind anyway.

And he loved you, so much. He would do anything to keep you in his life. So he threw himself into everything he did; he wanted to make sure everything was perfect for you, even if it all but killed him.

You appreciated everything he did for you, so much and all the things he did were definitely not lost on you. At first it didn’t really hit you just how much he was driven to perfection until you started to see some of the cracks in the facade.

It happened one night when you were over at Joel’s house for dinner with him, Sarah, and Tommy that you noticed something was off. Joel had seemed so tense and distracted since you’d arrived. You’d made it to the Miller household a little earlier than you had initially told them in order to help finish up dinner and get everything set up.

Sarah had answered the door and let you in with a big hug before you made your way into the kitchen. You adored the girl, and her father, and you were happy that she seemed to like you too. You weren’t trying to force your way into her life, but let her welcome you at her own pace. It had only been her and Joel for pretty much her entire life so you were sure that this was a whole new world for her too.

“Hi baby,” you grinned as you walked into the kitchen, setting down the desserts you’d brought. Joel turned around and his entire face dropped when he realized it was you. Ouch. That managed to sting a little bit, “everything alright?”

“You’re not supposed to be here,” he looked at his watch and ran a hand through his messy hair, “for almost another hour!”

“I finished earlier than I thought at work,” you shrugged lightly, “and thought I’d come over to help. I didn’t think it was a big deal…I can go if that’s better?”

“No - no,” he insisted softly, “no, I’m glad you’re here, it’s just that nothing’s ready. It’s not set for you yet.”

“You don’t have to do all the work silly man,” you pressed a kiss to his cheek, “let me help. I’m more than happy to - I want to.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive,” you whispered as you decided to hug him; he looked like he could use a hug. He wrapped his arms around you, squeezing you tightly to his broad frame, “just let me know what I can do to help, okay?”

“Okay,” he agreed, allowing himself a moment to bury his face in your neck and to breathe your warm scent in. When he pulled back, you kissed him sweetly, “okay.”

Once you had everything squared away and ready, Joel ran upstairs to shower and change, leaving you and Sarah to set the table. She looked at you for a moment before quietly saying, “he really likes you, you know?”

“I do,” you smiled softly, “I really like him too.”

“He’s never been with anyone since I was born,” she scooted over to you so there wasn’t a chance for Joel to overhear, “I don’t even remember my mom; she just up and left when I was a baby. But I’ve always had my dad. And it’s nice to see him happy ‘cause he deserves it.”

“Oh,” your expression softened, “he told me it’s been the two of you but never went into what happened.”

“Yeah,” she shrugged, “it’s fine. I never had the chance to know my mom so it never really bothered me. But I know my dad really likes you, he’s been so happy lately it’s kinda gross. He’s trying really hard. He just wants you to be happy too.”

“I am really happy, Sarah,” you promised, “and I want your dad to be as well. I love him a lot and you both mean a lot to me.”

“This is too sappy,” she snorted in amusement and rolled her eyes playfully, “but…you mean a lot to me too. Just so you know.”

“Don’t worry kiddo, we’ll keep it between us,” you shot her a wink, causing her to giggle softly, “you mean a lot to me too.”

“What are you whispering about, huh?” Joel came back downstairs and into the kitchen, his eyes flitting between the two of you, “planning a mutiny?”

“Duh, old man,” Sarah pushed past him, and Joel raised an eyebrow.

He was just joking around, mostly, but he was also panicking internally - just mildly but still. It was there. His first thought was that somehow the two of you were talking about him…but not in a flattering way. What if you were telling Sarah you were tired of him? What if you were telling her that you were planning on breaking up with him? What if you told her that -

“Joel?” you put your hand on his shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. He blinked a few times as he snapped back into reality before looking at you, “where’d you go, space cadet?”

“Just zoned out,” he offered you a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, “sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” you insisted, “it’s been a long day, I’m sure tired as well. We’ll call it an early night tonight, yeah?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, heart constricting at your gentle nature. You were always so sweet and kind but he still found himself waiting for the other shoe to drop, “sounds good, sweetheart.”

“I love you,” you reached for his hand and squeezed it, “a lot.”

“I love you too,” he hoped you never stopped saying that. He wanted to hear it for the rest of his life. He was going to try his damndest to keep you in his life forever.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“I can’t believe it,” Joel shook his head as he looked at the maitre’d, “it’s only fifteen minutes! You can’t tell me that you don’t have a table available anymore.”

“I’m sorry sir, the reservation was for 6:30 and we have a ten minute policy for being tardy,” he remained calm but you could see that Joel was only growing more annoyed, “as you can see we’re very busy.”

“I made these reservations three months ago-”

“I’m sorry, sir. That’s our policy,” you put your hand on Joel’s arm and squeezed it gently. He looked at you with a deep frown on his face.

“It’s alright,” you promised him, voice gentle and soft, “we can go somewhere else, it’s no big deal.”

“Fine,” he huffed after a moment and turned on his heel to leave. You offered the man a small smile as you followed your boyfriend out the door. He immediately started walking to the truck, leaving you to trail after him in his wake, “this is fucking ridiculous.”

You flinched as he slammed his door against the side of the truck, “Joel. I need you to calm down. It’s really not a big deal - I don’t care where we go, I just want to spend time with you.”

“But it’s your birthday,” he hissed, “it should be nice. I had this all planned out and I fucked up and made us lose the reservation.”

“Hey,” you slowly took a step closer to him, “do you want to tell me what’s really going on?”

“I just wanted everything to be perfect for you,” his shoulders slumped as he looked at you with misty eyes. Clearly there was a lot more going on underneath the surface, “I don’t want you to leave me.”

“W-what?” you looked at him in confusion, wondering where that train of thought had suddenly come from. You reached up and out your hand on his cheek, gently brushing away the tears that had rolled down his cheeks, “why on earth would I leave you? That has never crossed my mind.”

“I want to give you everything, you deserve it but I feel like I can’t give it to you,” he pressed his hand gently onto yours, “sometimes I wonder why you’re with a loser like me.”

“Joel,” he hated, and loved, how gently you always managed to say his name. You always had such a tender way about you, “I have never once thought you were a loser. Never. I love you, silly man, so much. You’re perfect to me - for me. Why would you even think that I would feel like that?”

“I couldn’t even get the mother of my kid to hang around. She up and left and sent divorce papers and left us,” he sighed softly, “sometimes I wonder how long it’ll be before you get tired of me as well.”

“I’m not her. I’m me,” you reminded him gently, “I’m never going to get tired of you. Oh my gosh, you don’t know how much I adore you, do you? Joel, no one has ever been as good and kind to me as you have. I look forward to spending time with you even if its just at home watching a movie. When we’re apart I look forward to seeing you. Not because of things like fancy dinners or grand gestures or whatever - not that I don’t love those - but because I love being around you. It’s because of you, not anything else. We could have nothing but as long I have you, and Sarah, it’s more than enough. It’s everything.”

Joel looked at you, trying to make sure he’d heard everything you’d said correctly and you weren’t about to laugh at him. When he saw the soft smile on your face, the tender way you were looking at him, he knew that you weren’t joking. He nodded slowly, sniffling before whispering, “I love you.”

“I know you do,” you promised, “you’ve never once given me a reason to doubt that. I love you too, Joel.”

“I know,” he reached for your hand, hesitantly and gently, lacing his fingers through yours, “you’ve never given me a reason to doubt that either.”

“Good,” you squeezed his hand gently, “I think we’re on the same page, right?”

“Yeah,” he agreed quietly, “we are.”

“If you ever have any doubt, just let me know and I’ll remind you just how much I love you. But…does that mean we can go and get dinner? Some McDonalds fries sound amazing right now.”

“You want to go to McDonalds? On your birthday?” That was one of the many things he loved about you - you weren’t pretentious or picky or anything. You were just you.

“Are you going to go with me?”

“Obviously,” he snorted in amusement, shaking his head fondly at you.

“Then hell yeah,” you teased, “let’s go and get tons of McDonalds and go home and watch a movie. That sounds perfect.”

“Then that’s exactly what we’ll do,” he agreed as he opened the car door for you. He buckled your seatbelt for you before leaning in to kiss you gently, “happy birthday baby.”

“Thank you,” you made sure to steal another kiss from him, “I love you, Joel Miller.”

“I love you. So much.”

#joel miller #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller x fem!reader #joel miller imagine #joel miller one shot #tlou #pedro pascal

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somethingvicked · 3 months

Text

X-rated Education

a Tom Grant (Make up 2019) x FemReader story.

(warnings - swearing, some derogative labels, mentions of sex, sexual teasing)

Prologue

It was the first time in several weeks that Tom had given in and followed Kai and the other guys out to the local pub.

He had felt completely lost since Ruth left, ashamed and not in the mood for the other’s pitying looks or the (what he assumed) judgmental whispers behind his back.

”Tommy boy is so bad at pleasing women that his girlfriend turned dyke!”

That didn’t do wonder for a guys ego.

Tonight Kai had all but dragged him by his neck away from his trailer though, saying that the best way to get over a birdie was to bed another one.

But Tom didn’t even know how to begin? What if he truly was so bad in bed that Ruth turned gay?!

Deep down he knew it didn’t work like that but still his mind wouldn’t shut up about it.

After they had arrived to the pub and gotten seated at a booth Kai suddenly stood up and waved. ”I’ll be damned, there’s Y/N,” he said, gesturing for the woman to come over to them.

”Friend of yours?” one of the guys wondered.

”More like the daughter of my mom’s best friend, but we get along well. Tried to score with her a few times but she’s just never interested,” Kai told them, making Y/N hear the last part and she snorted as she sat down, in between Tom and Kai.

”Trust me, Kai, I’m not the only girl that thinks that way,” she told him with a smirk, making him give her a friendly shove before he introduced everyone.

Tom felt himself blush when Y/N shook his hand. She was a very pretty girl with y/c hair and y/c eyes and a sweet but alluring scent of perfume emanating from her. It was the first time he had felt anything else but sadness and betrayal since Ruth left.

Since the other guys soon turned to drinking games, pool or tossing dart only Y/N and Tom were left at the table. He felt himself tongue tied, like he couldn’t even talk to a girl these days but Y/N took the lead herself, asking if he worked with Kai liked the others, how he liked the work and then told him a little about her own life, that for the time being she was working at the coffee shop in town, taking a gap year before deciding if she wanted to go to the university or do something else. He also found out that she was actually older than him, not by much – merely three years, but it was a surprise. Somehow that made her even more alluring in his eyes, but that also made him more insecure of himself and his predicament.

Y/N was clearly a strong, confident woman. Beside her he appeared even more of a pathetic failure that made girls lesbians.

Y/N then asked if she made him feel uncomfortable – since he didn’t speak much. Tom assured her that wasn’t the case, once again feeling his cheeks heat up. ”I’m just... well, I guess I’m just shy around you,” he told her, chuckling awkwardly.

”How so?” Y/N wondered, her eyes wide, clearly not seeing her own allure.

”Well... I recently got out of a very long relationship and I suppose I don’t know how to be around girls now... being single,” he tried to explain.

Strangely enough it seemed like she understood.

”Oh. So it’s in that awkward phase when you haven’t really grasped the fact that now you are just a ’me’ not a ’we’?”

”Exactly!” Tom agreed. ”But it’s... more than that. She... she cheated on me. And... I don’t know, we’d been together for four years and she never gave any... that she was unhappy. And then all of a sudden she was with someone else.”

And that someone else had been a woman. He didn’t say that though.

”Wow,” Y/N exhaled. ”I’m so sorry. That must be tough.” Then she frowned as she seemed to think about something. ”Wait... four years, you said? And you are... what? 19?”

”20,” Tom replied.

”Was she... was she your first girlfriend? The only one you’ve been with?” Y/N poked, a sympathetic look on her face.

Tom looked down on the floor, once again feeling that shame. ”Yeah,” he admitted.

”Oh my,” Y/N exclaimed, ”then I can understand you’re heartbroken. First love and one that you’ve been with such a long time...”

She placed her hand on his, squeezing it. He felt his heart skip a beat. She comforted him. She didn’t make fun of him, she understood!

Maybe that was why he finally told her everything or maybe it was the booze – how he felt so insecure about his ability to please a girl now, that he was questioning everything he had ever thought he knew, even the limited amount of experience he had. He was a guy with an internet connection, of course he knew there was more to sex than what he and Ruth had been up to. Problem was that they never really experimented, she never seemed to want to – or want him, for that matter. To her it was just something they did because they were supposed to. Kind of like the weekly laundry. And now he just felt he was so hopelessly left behind he wouldn’t know where to begin.

Y/N pursed her lips. What she suggested thereafter might also had been because of the booze but she found Tom so sweet and wanted to help him.

”Hey... what would you say if... I taught you?” she asked carefully, ”I’m currently single and I think I know enough of what makes women tick in the bedroom.”

Tom suddenly had a hard time breathing. ”W-what? You’d do that?”

”Sure,” she giggled, ”you’re cute and... it’s kind of hot that I get to be the one to... corrupt you. We can call this... X-rated education. Or SEX-rated education, if you want.”

Tom would lie if he didn’t admit his cock twitched in his jeans at that.

”O-okay,” he said, not really believing what was happening. Then he decided to simply go for it. ”C-could we... start tonight?”

She giggled. ”Eager are we? Me likey! Of course we can start tonight. If you think you can still... preform with all the booze we’ve had.”

Tom gave an adorable little snort. ”I don’t think that will be a problem, love.”

tag list: @ficsbypix @melodymunson @eddie-is-a-god

(let me know if you want to be tagged in next chapter)

like, comment, reblog!

#tom grant x reader #tom grant x female reader #tom grant x you #tom grant make up #joseph quinn

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fhs-event-week · 3 months

Text

Propaganda for Goldami (under the cut due to lenght):

They have so much in common and yet they're so different at the same time. They both struggle with loneliness and repressing their feelings as a response, they would understand each other, and help each other, like no one else could. But their personalities are so different, Golden is a romantic craving real love and clinging to anyone who will give it to him, prone to helping anyone around him, while Cami separates herself from anything of the sort and is literally in the villain squad. They also have some drama to deal with, regarding Cami hypnotizing him, literally taking away his agency: Golden's biggest fear. And yet he doesn't recognize her as the one who did that. Oh, I wonder how that could go! (Submitted by @chocottang)

The name of the game here is POTENTIAL! The mere idea of the girl who once brainwashed the person she will later develops feelings for, and be romantically involved with, is very intriguing on its own.

How their turbulent first interaction (mind control) could ever evolve into something like friendship or romance. Does Cami regret having brainwashed Golden? Does she view it as an obligation she had to fullfill? Do the two talk about it? Does Golden remember the mind-control/ know it was Cami and if so, is there a lingering weariness toward Cami? Does she pick up on this, and if so how does she grapple with someone fearing her. Later down the line with someone she has feelings for/is dating, still "fearing" her, whether its on a conscious or subconscious level?

What does she think of Golden remembering, or not remembering? Is it guilt? How does she react as she realizes someone who was "simply a tool for bigger plans", becomes a real person to her? An individual person. Cami's view shifting from a how she previously saw Golden, or how she thought she saw them, possibly how she convinced herself to see them? Has she convinced herself she saw Golden as a simple tool in order to not think about the weight of mind control, of having the power to take peoples autonomy? There is just no way Cami sits in this relationship without wondering if she is somehow "brainwashing golden again" into "doing as she says again. Even if her brainwashing/mind-control abilities are something she has to fully intent for them to function, the inking of doubt, and the self-demonetization is a turbulence worth exploring.

Then there's Golden and how his whole personal struggle in life is being controlled and bossed around by family, drowning in work to do. Would he even be allowed to date someone in the first place? Regardless of whether or not he is allowed to, does he have the time for one? How much guilt does he feel over not being able to be there for extended periods of time, dates having to be planned in advance, and even being unable to respond to a simple text in a timely manner because hes so busy? How does it feel to have adoring fans, your name known, then have your own attention set on one person? Do her eyes on him blur and blend with the masses, can he distinguish surface level adoration and true deep feelings? If he can, can he believe it, can he believe anyone knows him enough to develop such feelings? How hollow does that make affection feel? Does he take certain gestures for granted, view them as normal, or do they maybe make him uncomfortable due to their semblance to fan culture? There are so many questions to ask and think about between them. (Submitted by anonymous)

Propaganda for Onnloon:

These two are a sitcom mom x sitcom dad ship. We have Loon, the one who's usually reasonable and levelheaded if a bit anxious... And we couple him with Onnie, the guy who's wild and dumb as rocks. Shenanigans ensue.

#fnafhs #fhs #fhsz3r0 #fhszero #poll #fhs ship tournament #goldami #onnloon

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lowkeycasanova · 1 year

Text

sweet dreams

"What we see and experience in our dreams might not necessarily be real, but the emotions attached to these experiences certainly are." -Scientific American

During a dream encounter, your soul finds respite in an atmosphere devoid of the world's mind-set of tension; this is true whether you remember the dream or not. Dreams that cannot be remembered still have value because they are sown into the dreamer's spirit.

masterlist

-----------------------------------------------------------

The first time he appeared was a couple of months ago. You were looking at an Instagram picture on your feed. He had fluffy hair and wore a long sleeve dark green shirt that buttoned up, but not all the way and left some of the skin on his chest exposed.

But you couldn't see his face.

For some reason, it was obscured.

Something about him caught your attention, though you didn't know who he was. Never seen him before. Your fingers hesitated to touch the screen until you finally swiped away.

A few nights later, he was there again. This time, having brunch with you and your friends. Where did he come from? He sat across from you and seemed to keep to himself. You looked at him, wondering why he was so shy.

Then again, but this time, you were at his house. Sitting on the floor in the living about to watch a movie. Him on your left and some other guy on your right. Again, he said nothing.

Strange.

It's not like this guy was the focal point. He was just another person in your dreams. But why? Apparently the mind doesn't make up faces. But you thought long and hard and you honestly can't say that you've seen him in real life.

Was he somehow buried beneath your subconscious?

Or merely a figment of your imagination?

It was hard to tell. But suddenly, he kept showing up.

His face was finally revealed to you. He had brown/hazel eyes with a beautiful smile. He also seemed more confident, in comparison to how he was when he first started appearing.

Often enough he would come around, and the two of you were in different scenarios those nights. It was implied that you were in a relationship together, you're not sure if it was ever made official.

There was one dream where you got jealous of him being around someone else. Even in your sleep, your chest felt tight.

And then a couple days later, he got jealous when you were simply having a conversation with another guy.

What sucked is that you could never remember the entire dream. Maybe only ten percent of what actually happened.

As long as he was there.

"I swear, they feel so real." You told your friend one day.

"You been eating weird shit before bed?" She joked.

"I'm serious."

She hummed and you could tell she probably thought you were crazy.

Maybe you weren't explaining it right.

"Well, you say he keeps showing up," She started. "And I'm not expert on this, but I think your mind is trying to tell you something. And dreams are personalized, so it's up to you to figure it out."

One morning your time with him was disrupted as your mom had woken you up from your sleep to tell you to wake up. Ignoring her, you closed your eyes tightly and tried to pick up the dream where it left off. You weren't ready to leave yet. But unfortunately, he was gone for the day.

There were some nights where he never came. Or where there was nothing but darkness the whole night.

It felt like a guilty pleasure.

Rushing to your bed every night hoping that you'll get the chance to see him.

In some ways he still remained a mystery. Your soul spent so much time with him, but you didn't even know his name.

Maybe it didn't matter.

*** His laughter sounded like bells. The soft curve of his smile. Your cheek being caressed and a strand of hair being pushed behind your ear.

You two stood stood in his kitchen. The house was new, you could tell. It was different from the other one.

He pulled you close and brought you into his arms. You sighed and closed your eyes feeling the warmth from his body.

Only for you to wake up and realize you're still in bed. But it was still dark outside as it wasn't time for you to get up yet.

You laid there and could still feel his warmth as is he was actually in bed with you. Even wrapping the blanket around you tighter to try and preserve it before it was lost, and eventually falling back asleep in his comfort.

#vinnie hacker #vinnie x reader #vinnie hacker imagine #vinnie imagines

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oranoyaora · 1 year

Text

mended

i. in your eyes

ft. oikawa tooru

warning(s): fluff, angst, kinda hurt & no comfort

tags: childhood friends to strangers(ish) to lovers

notes: trololol I haven’t posted in like a year now 😭. Pls bear with me on this one, but I think I’ve got something in the works 😈 (mended ch. list)

I was eight when I had first met you.

You and Hajime walked into the house very loudly, now that I think about it. Hajime introduced you to mom, and you smiled so politely and bowed when you greeted her. Mom told Hajime to introduce you to me, but I quickly hid in the pantry, too shy to say hi to you. Hajime called out my name, and I had slowly peeked my head out from the pantry door.

There you were, standing in our kitchen, waiting patiently for me to come out. But I didn't come out. I merely waved my hand and squeaked out a small 'hi'. You lightly laughed and asked for my name. You thought my name was so cool you somehow connected it to space and aliens, which made me bashful.

I became hyper-focused on your features. You had really pretty brown eyes and hair. Your smile was really cute... still is. I'm talking about your genuine smile, not the one that you always give to charm others. But then you noticed I was staring at you for too long, making me hide my face behind the door. You smiled and held your hand out asking if wanted to play with you and Hajime.

I was ten when I finally accepted that I had a crush on you.

At first, it was because I thought you were cute—a child's physical attraction. But then I realized it was more than just that. Yes, you teased me most of the time, but you were always so kind to me. You, Hajime, and I were inseparable. You always stood up for me, protected me, and cared for me when we were children. I was truly happy to call you my best friend.

I struggled very much to come to terms with the fact that I had liked you more than a friend. There was no way I could like you like that, you were my best friend. I saw you as another brother, before my feelings for you became too much. I couldn't help but like you. I never told anyone, not even my mom or Hajime.

And yet, even as children, I never wanted to jeopardize our bond for my feelings. I wasn't sure if you liked me back, and I was scared of the possibility of rejection coming from you. So I kept my feelings at bay, holding the status of being your best friend. But little did I know that would be one of my biggest regrets in life...

I was thirteen when you won the Best Setter Award.

You were crying, and snot was coming out of your nose. I was surprised you let everyone at the ceremony see you like that, considering that you always loved to look good in front of others. But after the ceremony, you ran to me and nearly hugged the life out of me. You were so happy and so proud of yourself. You finally saw the fruits of your labor, of how hard you had to work to get to where you are.

I was so proud of you, and I knew how much it meant to receive the validation and reward of your hard work. Although it made me a little sad that my validation was not enough for you. You always held my and Hajime's opinions to the highest degree with most things, so why not this too?

I was fifteen when you had your first girlfriend.

It was my first year in high school and I was excited to be with you and Hajime, just like old times. But then I saw her hanging on your arm, and you smiled charmingly at her. Is it possible to have a heartbreak caused by someone you're not with? I never wanted to sabotage your relationship because you seemed so happy.

But it still hurt. I could tell that she only wanted to be with you for your looks and popularity. She truly didn't know you. She never truly saw you for who you were. She was materialistic and superficial. You were vain about your looks, yes, but I will never forget about that ugly outfit with the plaid shorts you wore that one time.

But I guess I needn't worry about her. She broke up with you because you never made time for her. Volleyball was your number one passion after all. And yet, it seemed like we spent more time together than you and your ex-girlfriend did. Perhaps it was because I was your best friend. We had a special bond and I didn't want to ruin that either.

I was sixteen when I had first met him.

He was a new student and needed help with navigating the school. For some reason, I was the one to show him around. He was charming and a social butterfly. He had a kindness about him that attracted everyone to him like a moth to a light. I, like many others, fell under his spell. My feelings for you had been closed off for so long that my heart suddenly opened up to him

It somehow all worked out. I fell for him, and he fell for me. It was refreshing to be seen that way. I guess I had longed for you to see me in the way that I saw you, and because it never happened, I easily allowed myself to be swept away by someone like him.

I remember I introduced you to him. You were cordial, yet teasing. You seemed unbothered to everyone else, but I saw a gleam in your eyes that told me you didn't fully approve. But you never acted on whatever you were feeling, and left me and my new relationship alone. Maybe things would have been different if you had done so.

I was seventeen when you left for Argentina.

Hajime and I dropped you off at the airport. I... I really didn't want you to leave... to leave me... But I didn't want to stop you from pursuing your dream, your happiness was one of the most important things to me. After you and Hajime said your goodbyes, I couldn't help myself when I tackled you into a hug. I cried so hard. I sobbed and hid my face in your chest, clinging onto your hoodie. I didn't want to let go.

You reassured me that you'd keep in contact and visit when you could. But none of that took away the heartache. You held onto me so tight, almost as if you didn't want to let go either. But both you and I knew you had to. You pulled back still holding me. My sight was blurred with tears as you smiled somberly. You shocked me. You kissed my forehead before finally letting go. You haven't done that since we were children.

I was twenty-two when he proposed to me.

I was shocked and happy. He did it at a school reunion for our class, so everyone knew and word spread pretty quickly. I video called you that night and told you of the news. You smiled, but I could tell your body went rigid. You said you were happy for me, but at the same time, your eyes held a look of sadness. You immediately moved on and teased me, saying you'd never thought I'd be the marrying type.

You weren't wrong, marriage wasn't something I had thought of. I guess I never really cared for it. It was something that I would have to adjust to, but I didn't mind. I was with someone that made me happy.

Yet, deep down, in the back of my selfish mind, I wished it was you. I thanked you for congratulating me. Before ending the call you smiled again and said 'I'll always be here for you'.

I was left feeling a sort of emptiness. After that call, I felt unsure of what I was getting into. We kept in contact, but not as frequently as before I had gotten engaged. We were going on different paths, so I shouldn't have been surprised that we grew a little distant. But still, you were my best friend. We have always been close. So what happened? Did I... did I make a mistake?

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader #oikawa tooru #oikawa tooru x reader #oikawa x reader #hq #haikyuu x gn!reader #hq x reader #oikawa tooru x gn!reader

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lythea-creation · 1 month

Text

Brighten My World - Tasneem x fem reader (Chapter 6)

Chapter 1

Previous Chapter

warnings: grieving

word count: 981

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Going to Layan's memorial was harder than I had expected.

The whole day I was distracted, my head in the clouds. I was sure that Tasneem noticed as well, but she did not mention it.

Her mom drove us to the area and despite her suspicious glances, she let us go without any objections. But she did squeeze my shoulder before I left the car, showing me that she cared about me and knew how hard it was.

I appreciated the small gesture, especially because my mom had not even remembered that I was going to the memorial, although I had told her mere days ago.

Hesitantly I made my way over to the entrance, Tasneem following close by. It was like balancing on a zip line with no falling net underneath. One wrong step and I would be gone. Yet turning back was maybe even more dangerous than continuing my way.

The first thing I recognized when I entered the room were comfortable lights. But they quickly moved to the background when my eyes focused on the front; Layan's picture.

Suddenly my heart was clenching, the air thin once again. Thousands of memories flooded my mind despite my attempts to shut them down. I could not take it.

My mind and body were working on their own, all control gone for good as I fled back outside, trying to catch my breath again.

It was too late though. Her image was burned into my mind once again, her laugh resounding in my head. She was haunting me.

I flinched when a hand touched my shoulder. Everything was a blur as my mind was refusing to cope.

I sank to my knees, holding onto the railing. The raspy metal was somehow grounding me. Slowly Tasneem was returning back to my vision as she was crouching down in front of me, patiently waiting.

“I shouldn't have come”, I proposed. “It was a mistake. I'm not ready. I can't do this!”

Tasneem stayed silent for a few seconds, contemplating what to say.

“You're right. Maybe you aren't ready. But will you ever be? I think that you need this. That's why you came in the first place. You knew you were strong enough to handle it, move on to be able to cherish what you had instead of being stuck in your grief forever”, she considered. “You may think you can't do this right now, but I know you can.”

She was not just trying to comfort and encourage me. One look into her eyes was telling me that she was sincere. So I let her pull me up into her arms.

“Hey, (f/n)!” Rania's voice reached my ears.

I could not help but let go of Tasneem and throw myself into Rania's arms.

I had not seen her for so long and it was comforting that she was here. She was the one who knew best how I was feeling. After all Layan had been her best friend.

“I'm glad you came”, Rania whispered into my ear.

“Thanks for letting me know”, I shot back, reluctantly letting go of her again.

“Hey, Noaf”, I greeted the other girl with a short smile and wave, which she returned.

“This is Tasneem”, I introduced her.

I was not sure if Tasneem was fine with revealing our relationship status. So I left that part out.

We all talked for a little while before going inside.

“You're going to play a song?”, I assumed, pointing at Rania's guitar bag.

“Yeah. It just feels like the right thing to do, you know? We used to sing and play a lot together”, Rania recalled.

“Miss Abeer still isn't here”, Noaf noticed.

“Miss Abeer is coming as well?”, Tasneem remarked shocked.

“She was our homeroom teacher after all”, Rania noted.

“She's still processing Layan's death, just like we are”, I added. “We've been talking regularly. She was the only one who supported me in the beginning.”

“I never pictured her like that”, Tasneem admitted.

“She's strict, but she cares a lot”, Rania declared. “Let's go outside and wait for her”, she encouraged Noaf.

A few minutes later they returned with Miss Abeer, Tasneem and me already planted on our seats.

I could feel Miss Abeer's eyes boring into the back of my head, making me turn around to send her a soft smile.

She rose her eyebrow at Tasneem who was not paying attention to our non-verbal conversation. I simply nodded at my teacher and turned back around to rest my head on my girlfriends shoulder.

Without any hesitation she held my hand. Nobody would question the gesture during such an emotional situation.

When Rania began playing and singing my mind started drifting off.

I remembered how Layan used to sing for me. I saw her laughing right in front of me, taking my hand to pull me with her. How she was dressing up and posing to impress me. How we were laying in her bed late at night, not able to stop talking.

And suddenly it all disappeared like it had never happened to begin with. Like the music Rania had created mere seconds ago had been everything that had made the memories exist in the first place.

I realized that I was clinging to Tasneem's arm like it was my life line. Somehow it was. It was my constant reminder not to give up hope, that good things could still happen, no matter how pointless it was feeling.

Now they were all gathering around Rania for a group hug while I was frozen in place.

Tasneem pulled me into her arms to let me cry. She was shielding me from the rest of the world and despite the excruciating pain it felt like I could get through this; with enough time.

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Next Chapter

I watched the scene again to write this chapter and i just always tear up. Like seriously ... Rania's facial expressions and the crack of her voice are just on point. And the way she's signaling Mariam to sit down. It's all so heartbreaking!

Tag List: @sunwoniie

#al rawabi school for girls #tasneem x reader #fem reader #lgbtqia #romance #angst #grief

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cherrysimmer1 · 5 months

Text

"Wouldn't be fair if you'd be dating again and trying to remarry while not wanting her to do the same, don't you think?" asked Agnes. "Are you kidding?!" Marc said, incredulous. "I had no desire to remarry at all! I just wanted her back to me. I wanted to try again and fix things between us, make it work again somehow, anyhow."

He then chuckled, "I can't believe I'm talking about all this without losing my composure. The mere mention of she and him being together used to drive me crazy. I was so furious at the time. I was a total wreck!"

"I know the feeling," Agnes said. "I had my fair share of heartbreaks. Dealing with my husband's passing was a really difficult time. The relationships that followed his death weren't of the best nature either. I was an emotional mess too."

"Bye, Mr. Gamboa!" a voice exclaimed, not far from them. It was one of the restaurant's workers, "See you again soon!" "Thank you for everything!" Marc said to her. "See you next time!" "Have a good night!" said the girl before returning to the restaurant. "You too!" said Marc.

"Is that the busser you tipped earlier?" Agnes asked Marc. "Yes," said Marc. "She's been working here for a couple months, bussing tables. Single mom, college student, struggling sometimes to make ends meet. I tip her and the others whenever I can. I've been a regular in the restaurant for a while." "How generous of you!" "I like to encourage them in what they do and show them some appreciation. They deserve it." "Of course, definitely."

#storytime #storytelling #story telling #stories #sims 4 story #fiction #sims 4 legacy #sims4 stories #agnes crumplebottom #agatha crumplebottom #mrs crumplebottom #the sims 4 #sims 4 gameplay #simblr #writeblr #writing #web series

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cha0ticspacebi · 1 year

Text

You're An Image Caught in Time: Chapter 27

You got your soulmark when you were very young. You knew who you hoped had left their mark but since they never said anything to you, you resigned yourself to a life of bitter unrequited love. As much as you wanted to meet your soulmate you knew after all these years they must not want to meet you. Though the mark never faded some days you wished it would. Especially after meeting Billy.

☆ You can find me over on A03 as Cha0ticBi ☆ Master list link!

Childhood Friends! Eddie Munson X Reader

Tags: 18+ NSFW MDNI, slowish burn soulmate AU, reader is in an abusive relationship with Billy Hargrove, Dark! Billy, Eddie is a sweetheart but bad at feelings, hurt/comfort, eventual smut, eventual happy ending

Warnings: rape/non con elements, emotional and physical abuse, graphic depictions of violence, suicidal thoughts

Chapter 27/28 Previous chapter → Next chapter

Ring. Ring.

The street lights come on outside the Hawkins Police Department. Where all but the police chief have already gone home for the night. Ring. Ring.

“Shit,” an exasperated sigh fills the room, “Did some punk teenager already get drunk and get behind the wheel? I hate prom night,” he thought to himself out loud as he answered the phone at his desk, “Hopper.”

“Hello sir, I’m calling from the Roane County corrections facility. You had submitted a request to be notified when inmate Billy Hargrove was released. This call is to inform you of his status change.” His eyes widened as he listened. The receiver pressed hard between his ear and shoulder as he immediately started grabbing his coat and hat. He cut the woman on the phone off, offering her a rushed thank you before hanging up and running out the door. Sirens echoing in the night air, lights flashing as he raced off towards Hawkins High.

The music presumably still playing from the gym was inaudible as you stood in that bathroom.

Billy stepped towards you letting the door close with a heavy, heart wrenching thud behind him. His boots hit hard against the ground, echoing in your ears as you watched him mouth agape in the mirror. The water from the faucet still running down your hands that had been fixed in mid washing motion, praying that when you turned around your eyes would be playing tricks on you. He continued his approach. On reflex you turned the water off and whipped around, bracing your palms on the edge of the sink. Nope. Despite what you knew to be true and what you knew shouldn’t be possible, somehow, someway Billy was walking towards you.

“Why do you look so nervous sugar? Aren’t you happy to see me? I’ve missed you so much. You’re all I could think about these past few months. The thought of getting out and coming to see you kept me going,” he was getting closer. Only a few feet separated you now, “You look so beautiful in that dress. That color really brings out your eyes.”

Words evaded you as you listened to him try and sweet talk you. Your mind was consumed with a frantic attempt to answer the question of how he was even here right now. He smiled at you as if your thoughts had been broadcasted to the world, “I’m sure you're just so happy to see me that you’re speechless. Well,” he was right in front of you, mere inches separating your body from his. Your spine bending far back against the porcelain sink, “You see. I was so well behaved that they said I had learned my lesson and let me out early.” His head tilted to the side and grinned down at you, “And you know I just had to come right over and see my best girl.”

Your eyes followed every movement of his hand as it lifted and effortlessly swiped some hair from his eyes before landing right beside yours on the edge of the sink, “I looked everywhere for you. Imagine my surprise when I found out from your junkie mom that you were here– with him.”

His irises shifted position as he eyed the daffodil tucked into your hair from within the mirror behind you. He reaches over and makes a move to touch it, possibly rip it out you’re not entirely sure. Either way his hand never makes contact. Your fist reaches up and snatches his wrist in mid air, halting the movement. “Don’t you dare touch me,” the first words you say to him are slow, deliberate, and filled with as much animosity as you can muster.

He rips from your grasp with ease, “Feisty aren’t we. I gotta say, I was a little disappointed to see that you came to prom with a date, let alone with the freak.”

Rage swelled from deep inside your very consciousness, “Don’t call Eddie a freak!”

“I just call ‘em like I see ‘em sugar,” he leaned closer to you, “You ready to go?”

Your eyes widened with an incredulous stare up at him, “You can’t possibly think I’d leave with you Billy. I don’t want anything to do with you!”

The smile that had been gracing his lips cracked and twisted and you’re pretty sure his eye twitched, “I told you, I learned my lesson. Things will be different from now on, I promise I’ll never do those things again.”

The muscles in your hands felt emboldened by the fact that you were getting to him. You let go of your choke hold on the sink and shoved him back away from you as hard as you could!

He shook his head. You could see the veins in his hands pulsing as he shrugged his denim jacket back into place, “Damn girl, you’ve got some power behind those arms. Did you finally take my advice and start lifting weights?”

Billy wasn’t wrong. You definitely had power now, but it wasn’t from lifting weights, “Leave Billy. You and I are through.”

He started stepping towards you again, “See that’s where you’re wrong, sure we had a couple bumps in the road, but you’re still my girl and I forgive you.”

His sheer audacity had you stunned, “You. Forgive. Me ?”

He nodded with a smile, “See I know that he got in your head. He turned you against me and I don’t blame you for that, I know you never would have done any of those things if not for him. Even now, I can see it in your eyes, you still want me. So if you come with me without any more fuss, we can forget that any of this ever happened.” He lowered his head, now right in front of you again, “Understand– sweetheart?”

You felt your fingers and toes curl. The muscles in your face tightened. Building tension threatened to explode from your fists as you felt your temper rising, “Don’t call me that.”

He leaned in, placing his hands on the sink behind you, trapping you between his arms. You felt your spine crack as you bent further back in a desperate attempt to get away from him. “What should I call you then hm?” His hand lifted towards your cheek, fingers ever so slightly grazing the surface of your skin, “Maybe prin–” He didn’t get to finish the word when the wind was knocked from his lungs as you shoved him back again, harder this time.

“I told you not to touch me!” You grabbed the skirt of your dress and began walking towards the door without turning your back to him. Watching his every move like a hawk circling a mouse. Your hand wrapped around the door handle as you prepared to leave, “Let me make this perfectly clear to you sugar. We are done! You’re a monster and I wouldn’t go anywhere with you if you were the last man on earth. Go to hell Billy!” You turned your back to him and pushed into the hallway. A hand grabbed your wrist as soon as you looked away.

“You’re starting to piss me off,” he gritted his teeth and squeezed harder. “Now I have been nothing but nice to you so far and here you are calling me a monster? Clearly you didn’t learn your lesson last time.” You tried to break his grip but he was stronger. That smug smile turned your stomach. You tried again, summoning all the strength you had. Successfully breaking his hold on you this time. You looked down the empty hallway assessing how long it would take you to get back to your friends. In your momentary lapse in concentration, he grabbed you again and turned your back towards the door you’d just stepped through. His hands clawed into your biceps just below where the delicate fabric of your sleeve sat off your shoulders.

You tightened every muscle in your arms. Your eyes looked right up into his, venom spewing from your mouth as you yelled, “Let go of me! I told you we are through!” You used the limited movement in your hands to lift your skirt and get a perfect shot as you dug your heel into his foot. He cursed and recoiled back as you prepared to run down the hallway. You’d only taken a few steps away from him when he spoke again.

“I see that hideous mark is still on your back.”

You stopped. In that one sentence just now he showed you that despite what the courts might think, Billy had in fact, learned nothing. You turned back to face him and for the first time since your complicated relationship with Billy began, you laughed at him.

“You know, I’ve always loved the fact that you hate my soulmark so much. Considering I gave it to Eddie first, really I’m the reason it looks like this. Assuming that’s how this all works, not that you’d know anything about it. You’re selfish Billy. You’re arrogant and you blame all your problems on the actions of other people,” you stepped closer to him, “Take some responsibility and own up to your mistakes!”

He tried to interrupt you, “No Billy! This time it’s my turn to tell you to shut the hell up. Eddie might not be perfect but he owned up to his mistakes! He and I share a connection that someone like you couldn’t possibly understand. See you’ll never have a soulmate because that would require caring about someone besides yourself. Eddie listens to me when I talk and I listen to him. He helps me when I’m down and I help him. He cares for me in a way you never could and he never lays a hand on me without permission. You raped me Billy! So many times it makes me sick. I was never anything but an object for you to take your anger out on. Eddie loves me and I love him. His love has shown me what a horrible person you really are.”

All that could be heard in that hallway was the click of your heels as you approached him but still maintaining distance, “He’s twice the man you’ll ever be,” you couldn’t help but smirk, “In more ways than one.”

A dark chuckle rose from his throat as he closed the gap between the two of you. You swallowed hard trying not to let your confidence slip away. Following his movements carefully as he tried to grab you again. You didn’t let it happen a second time. You reached up and grabbed the open front edges of his jacket and used them as leverage to shove him back with so much force he stumbled and lost his balance before crashing into the glass display case behind him.

The glass shattered with a loud crunch, shards scattered and danced all across the floor. In the blink of an eye creating a minefield mixed with the various trophies and ribbons that had also fallen. Billy’s head had crashed through the protective case, weakening all the shelving within it. The last one to give way and come tumbling from the wall was the baseball bat that sat atop the altar to commemorate a time before you were born when the baseball team had won the regional championship. Time seemed to move in slow motion as you watched the wooden bat fall right atop Billy’s skull where he now sat unmoving on the ground. The bat rattled and rolled against glass shards before coming to a stop a few feet from where you stood, paralyzed by what had just happened.

***

Eddie knew something was off. Even apart he felt a rollercoaster of emotions coming from you. He checked his watch and looked around anxiously, “I’m gonna go check on her.”

Steve waved off his concerns, wrapping his arm around the girl he’d been dancing with all night, “You worry too much! She’s fine. We’re in a school with a bunch of people all over the place, what could possibly happen?”

Robin looked up at Eddie, “It has been a while. Although women do usually all have to pee at the same time so there’s probably just a really long line? Maybe we should go check.” From beside her Vickie couldn’t help but giggle.

Steve grimaced at her crude comment while simultaneously stopping her from standing up, “Then again you’re right. It has been a while and someone should go check on her. I’ll go with you Munson,” he looked at Robin, “Stay here with Vickie.”

“Thanks man,” they both headed out the door into the hallway when they heard a police siren from the parking lot. Without a word they booked it outside.

Tires grinding against the dirt as he twisted into the parking lot at top speeds, the door to Hopper’s car flew open, “Where is she?”

“She said she was going to the bathroom,” Eddie started to panic, “Why what’s going on?”

“I just found out that a few hours ago Billy was released early,” he could read their horrified expressions like a book, “Unfortunately it’s not uncommon. Guys like him sometimes serve a fraction of their sentence and then, assuming they didn’t cause any problems, get out early on good behavior. ”

“Well you don’t think he’d come here do you?” Steve tried to sound hopeful.

“Like I said he was released a few hours ago which gives him plenty of time to get back into town. Even if he’s not here, I still need to speak with her. We have to find her,” the three of them hurried back inside and headed for the ladies room.

“I’ll go get Robin,” Steve turned to go back to the gym. They nodded and continued their search but came up empty, even asking the first girl that came out of the bathroom to go back in and look.

“Is there anywhere else she might be?” Hopper asked.

“There’s another bathroom down this way,” Eddie pointed, “It’s right next to the drama room where I hold my hellfire sessions.”

Hopper shook his head, “I don’t even want to know what that means,” Crash! A deafening noise echoed through the hall, “Come on, let’s go!”

***

Billy still hadn’t moved and neither had you when you heard footsteps. You heard Eddie call your name. You turned to see him and Chief Hopper coming towards you. Hopper grabbed the radio from his hip and called for an ambulance. Eddie ran as fast as he could to get to you. His warm arms wrapped around you, melting away the frozen feeling. You looked up at him and tried to explain what happened.

The words sounded better in your head though, “He was- I didn’t mean to-” a thousand thoughts stammered together when you opened your mouth.

“Shh,” Eddie consoled as he rubbed your back, “You’re safe. That’s all that matters.”

Hopper tended to Billy. Your face was buried in Eddie’s chest but you could hear him trying to wake him up. After a brief moment you heard a groggy moan. You turned your head to see Billy looking dizzy and confused. Hopper told him that an ambulance was on its way to get him checked out but he didn’t seem too concerned about that. Panic grew in your mind when those dark eyes looked back at you.

“You–” he tried to get up but Hopper’s hand on his shoulder pressed him back down.

“Oh we’ll get to all that in a moment,” he pressed his thumb into Billy’s collar, “You most likely suffered a minor concussion, you’re not going anywhere.”

Commotion arose all around you. By now word had reached the gym. During the chaos Hopper must have also called for backup because a few officers arrived and taped off the area but that didn’t stop a crowd of nosy students from building just behind the line. Rumors being created on the fly that you punched him and broke his nose or that you picked up the baseball bat and whacked him in the head. Typical that the truth wasn’t among them. Paramedics rushed in and carried Billy away on a stretcher. He was clearly feeling better because he started yelling again as they took him out, “Screw you crazy bitch! Fuck you and your freak boyfriend,” His voice faded away. Hopper spoke to a few of the paramedics and then walked over to where you still stood locked in Eddie’s arms.

An audible gulp nearly got stuck in your throat, “I– I swear I didn’t mean to hurt him. He tried to grab me so I shoved him back and he fell into the glass.”

He nodded and assessed the scene now that Billy was gone, “Don’t worry kid. This was self defense. I’m sorry I didn’t get here sooner. As soon as I found out I got here as fast as I could.” He looked up at the sound of a voice yelling. Principal Higgins was calling for him from behind the yellow tape.

“Just a moment, I’ll be right back.”

Eddie’s finger caressed your cheek and titled your head up to look at him, “Hey pretty girl. You alright? Are you hurt anywhere?” His demeanor hardened a bit as he asked, “Did he touch you?”

“I’m ok,” Nuzzling into his chest, you shake your head, “No, actually I shoved him three times and told him to go to hell.“

“That’s my girl,” Eddie kissed your forehead, “Damn, I wish I was here to see that.”

Hopper came back quickly, “Hate to be the bearer of bad news but Principal Higgins is sending everyone home.” He turned to you, “Would you feel up to going back to the station with me to file a restraining order against him? Shouldn’t take too long.”

Eddie spoke up after seeing you agree, “Can you take her in your car and I’ll meet you there? There’s something I need to do first.” You were confused by Eddie’s request but let yourself be led away from the disappointed crowd of students and into the police cruiser.

Your mind felt like mush as you got lost in the glow of the street lights whizzing by out the window. At some point Hopper asked you if you needed help getting out of the car. You walked into the desolate police department and sat down in a chair. Hopper quickly explained the paperwork you were signing and tried to give you some comfort knowing that if Billy ever came near you again he would be arrested. You said very little. Mostly nodding and simply signing your name when needed.

“There,” he collected the papers. Both of you turned your heads when you heard a pounding on the door that Hopper must have locked. It was Eddie. With his arrival came the return of your smile.

You turned in the chair, “Thank you so much. For everything.”

He smiled, “You’re welcome.” Before you could get up and leave he lowered his voice, “Don’t go telling everyone I said this but, that punk had it coming.”

Moving around the other side of the desk you surprised him with a hug, “I’m proud of you kid. Now go try to enjoy the rest of your prom night.”

You didn’t need to be told twice. You ran to Eddie who scooped you right up and carried you to his van, “I have a surprise for you sweetheart.”

He drove you along a familiar road, towards the outskirts of town. He surprised you when he drove the van right up on the grass of a clearing. Shortly after another car pulled up behind you. It was Steve, Robin, Vickie, and some girl that you’d seen around but most recently saw dancing with Steve before you headed off alone.

“Eddie what is this?”

“Well princess,” he opened the back doors of the van and set up a cassette player, “I’m not letting that prick take the ending of your prom away.”

Quiet music played into the night air. The gym had felt like a garden but this, with the smell of grass, the surrounding wall of trees, and the occasional dancing firefly felt like a dream.

Eddie made several comments about how there was finally some good music on. In between songs you spent some time answering their questions about what happened in that bathroom. Robin was mad she didn’t get to see Billy’s head get hit with that baseball bat. Eddie must have told you a dozen times how damn beautiful you looked and how proud he was of you for standing up for yourself.

“I didn’t do it by myself Eddie,” you insisted as the two of you danced, “I felt stronger when I was talking about you.”

Eddie turned you with his hand, spinning you around to the music, “Don’t discount your own strength. I could feel all of your emotions and I felt a surge of confidence shortly before I found you.”

“That’s because I was telling him what a better man you are. I don’t want to talk about him anymore. He’s not worth it,” You kicked your heels off and found it surprisingly easy to forget all about Billy as the six of you danced for hours in the grass under the stars.

You sat on the tailgate of Eddie’s van and covered a yawn with your hand. Just as he sat next to you, his watch beeped indicating the midnight hour. You turned your head to him, the look on his face set your heart on fire. Without breaking contact with his loving brown eyes, you watch as he bends down to the ground and kneels at your feet. He picks up your heels and slips them back on for you.

“Come on Cinderella, time to go.”

Once home, Eddie hurried around the front of the van to help you out. The trailer was dark and Wayne’s car was gone. Inside you find a note from him expressing that he hopes you had a good time and that he got called in to cover part of a shift.

You felt Eddie’s hands running up and down your waist as they had most of the night while you were dancing. He stood behind you as he leaned in and whispered, “Are you up for some more fun sweetheart?”

Your head titled, giving him better access to your neck, “Why as a matter of fact I am Eddie.”

“Good, because tonight I want to worship you. Let me show you just how lucky I am to have you,” he sucked on your neck, leaving a few kisses in between.

Your knees buckled at his words, whimpers leaving your throat, “Take me to the bed Eddie.”

“As you wish,” he lifted you up bridal style and carried you through the short hallway and into the bedroom as you clung to his neck. He set you gently on the edge of the bed and shrugged off his jacket. You watched his fingers intently as they rolled up the sleeves of his shirt, exposing his forearms before he fell to his knees in front of you again. He lifted your feet to take your heels and placed them carefully to the side. His palms flattened and fingers spread wide beneath your long skirt as he massaged up your calves, onto your thighs and back down again.

“You are incredible, you know that?” his eyes never left yours, “I’ll never be able to say it enough but I love you.” Your name escaped his lips more than once as he continued massaging your legs. After a moment, he pulled his arms out from under the skirt, adjusted himself on his knees and laid his head on your thigh. Your fingers ran thought his soft curls.

“I love you too Eddie,” you reached for his hands and moved them to rest on your hips, his head still resting comfortably on your thigh. Leaning as far over as possible you whispered, “I want you to fuck me Eddie. Make me feel good.”

His breath hitched, “Anything you want.”

Your position shifted as you spread your legs for him, “First I want you to eat my pussy. Make me scream your name with your mouth.”

“Yes princess. Lay on your back for me,” effortlessly crawling under the fabric of your dress and pulling off your panties. Kissing your legs, he lifted them over his shoulders. He stayed on the ground as he brought his mouth down to your pussy, working you open expertly with his tongue. You cried out immediately. Your hands gripping tightly into the blankets beneath you. The flicks of his tongue against your clit, the gentle yet strong grip of his hands into the backs of your thighs already had you on edge. Minimal effort is all it took to have you whining his name and begging him to keep going. You could feel his mouth curl into a smile around you.

“Shit, Eddie I’m gonna come already.” your back arched as you approached the edge.

“Come on my face, I want to taste more of you.”

“Oh fuck!” Your eyes rolled back, pussy tightening. A familiar yet new feeling surged through you.

Eddie chuckled, lifting his head back up, his mouth glistening in the dim lighting, “You really must have been all worked up. You squirted on my face,” his hands returned to rubbing your legs. A wicked grin flashed up at you, “I can’t wait to feel you tighten like that around my cock.”

“Then get up here handsome,” even breathless and in post orgasmic bliss, you knew what you wanted from him in this moment.

“Of course princess,” His hand slithered behind your back and adjusted your position to accommodate him kneeling between your legs on the bed. He pulled a condom from his back pocket and you couldn’t help but tease him a little. You pressed yourself up on your elbows and watched as he pulled his cock from his pants and rolled the condom on.

“Confident you were getting lucky tonight?”

His longing smile shut you up real quick, “I’m lucky everyday I get to spend with you sweetheart.”

Every nerve in your body became overstimulated with the amount of want coming from the two of you, “You said you wanted to worship my body right?”

He nodded, one hand on your raised knee and the other on his length, “Yes I did.”

You sat up all the way up and touched his cheek, “Before you can fuck me I want you to touch every inch of my skin. Show me how much you want me.”

“With pleasure,” he worked you over slowly as you allowed him to unzip your dress and carefully slide it up and over your head. Rather than toss it aside he got up and hung it back on the hanger. Before joining you again on the bed he gestured to himself, “Should I undress too?”

You licked your lips, “No I want to keep looking at you in that outfit.”

He simply nodded and got back to work, removing your bra, leaving you completely naked before him. His hands tracked over every inch of your skin. His mouth peppering kisses wherever he went, “Christ your noises make me so hard. Please keep going,” his eyes were closed as he continued touching you and listening to your moans and whimpers.

You had asked for this and boy did he deliver. He was driving you absolutely crazy with his touches. Juxtaposing soft kisses with firm grabs to your waist and hips. He was going to bring you to release again just with his hands and mouth, “I love the way your back arches into my touch, like you can’t get enough of me. I love your sharp exhales when I hold you tight. I love the sound of my name coming from those pretty lips.” Just as you almost reached your breaking point and had to ask him to stop because it was too much, he already sensed it and pulled back.

“How did that feel?”

Heavy breaths pushed the words from your mouth, “So good Eddie. I love feeling your hands on my skin. I love feeling your lips when they kiss me,” you laughed in your throat, “Most of all I love your mouth when it’s whispering sweet nothings in my ear.”

He never once stopped touching you but slowed his movements a bit giving you a chance to catch your breath, “I know how much you like it when I praise you princess. Can I have your dripping wet pussy now?” He hovered over you, “I’ve been so good.”

Something in you snapped. More. You wanted to hear him beg for you more, “Tell me much much you want it Eddie.”

He practically collapsed on you, propping himself up on a single elbow he reached over and ran his wide spread fingers through his hair, “Fuck, I want to feel you so badly. I want to make you feel good with my cock. Been wanting you all night, from the moment I stepped in that door and saw you in that dress. Haven’t stopped thinking about how badly I need you.”

You reached up and rubbed his chest, “Me too. You look so handsome in that suit.”

Desperation clawed at his voice as he kept begging unprompted, “Please let me fuck you princess. My cock is aching for you, I need to feel you around me.”

“You sound so good Eddie, I see the appeal now,” you pulled him close, “Go ahead, fuck my pussy. Make me feel good.”

He pushed your legs back and with a few pumps to his cock he pressed inside you with a moan, “Oh shit, goddamn princess you feel so good. Thank you,” he thrusted into your wetness and you let yourself fall back as he took over. Your mind drifted into a state of pure pleasure as you focused on the feeling of his cock pumping in and out. The rhythmic motions of your bodies as they rocked back and forth. Getting lost in the sound of his breath as you both reached release together, “Can I come princess? You're so wet for me, it feels so good I can’t hold back anymore.”

“Come Eddie! Please fill me up,” you both knew that the condom still presented that barrier but the fantasy of it excited you nonetheless. And who knows? One day, far in the future, maybe you’ll be uttering those same words for a very– very different reason.

#eddie munson x reader #eddie x fem!reader #eddie munson #eddie munson fanfic #stranger things fic #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x y/n #soulmate au #soulmate identifying marks #childhood friend eddie munson #high school sweethearts #stranger things fanfic #stranger things smut #18+ content

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darcymariaphoster · 11 months

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3, 19 and 29!

The Game

3. What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written?

I think it's a tie between "Anything Goes" and "I Asked for Coffee and Got You". I think about them quite often, and I love the vibes each of them have.

19. Give us a small teaser from one of your WIPs.

Here, have a thing I forgot I started that I kinda wanna go back to working on at some point. It was supposed to go hand-in-hand with "Take Me Away", except it's just the DenNor focus.

The sound fills the space, and Mathias is lost in it, in the movement of his fingers across the keyboard. He’s memorized this piece, as it’s one of his favorites. His mom thinks it’s funny that it’s his favorite, because she thinks it’s so moody and dark and he is -- well, not any of that. He doesn’t necessarily disagree with his mother, but he also thinks that there’s more to it than that. There’s something deep and thoughtful and it’s somehow all the stuff he’d like to say but can’t. Because that’s not who he is. He’s loud and…

29. Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic. (If you don’t have either, just share a random fic idea you have that you don’t plan on getting to.)

God, I have soooo many cuts from AKTF. Lemme see if there's a coherent bit I can share... Okay, here's the first attempt for, I think, chapter 2 actually. I didn't like the tone/direction, and I think you'll see why.

Laying in his bed, Berwald traces over the empty tattoo on his right arm in the early morning light. Its geometric patterns that overlap and trail up towards the crease of his elbow interest him. He's noticed Sigurd looking over his own identical tattoo as of late, and that bothers him a little. Five years have gone by surprisingly well and he's a little nervous by the idea that something might be changing. It's inevitable, he knows -- they both still have two empty tattoos. He wonders if Sigurd would want him to find one of their other soul partners. In the beginning, his and Sigurd's relationship had been cold and purely political. It was exactly the way Berwald had wanted it. The changes came slowly, over years. Berwald had watched Sigurd grow out of his childlike behaviour, mostly on his own -- Berwald has done his best to be a partner and not a mentor. Sigurd has reigned in all his emotions and gained an air of regality and grace that fills the space Berwald is unable to. While he is a man of few words, Sigurd has bridged the gap and become the voice in all their meetings and discussions. He holds himself differently now, stands taller and looks down his nose with a bored expression. And Berwald knows how to read that bored expression, just as Sigurd can understand him even when words fail him. If he didn't know better, he'd say that it must be a form of telepathy. The bond has a few advantages, but telepathy isn't one of them. Still, he has the faintest notion of what Sigurd feels and the affection has reached a peak he hadn't been expecting, at least not for some time. To be fair to Sigurd, it wasn't something that happened overnight. His affection towards him had been growing since he was about sixteen. It had taken Berwald an embarrassingly long time to realise that Sigurd had fallen for him. Something in him had expected him to dislike him for as long as they were together. Instead, it had taken a mere year for Sigurd to start changing his opinion. After that, it was a matter of holding back, waiting, watching. He had tried too hard to get to know the Swede, following him around silently and wanting to occupy the same spaces consistently. When little came of his attempts, he fell back and distanced himself, opting to observe and listen. And love. If there was a problem now, it’s that Berwald hasn’t responded. He hasn’t given Sigurd a single hint as to what he was feeling. They had officially been married for two years and they didn’t even share a room. It’s taken some time for Berwald to see Sigurd as anything but the child he had taken back with him five years prior. Sighing heavily, Berwald climbs from his bed and dresses for the day. With nothing particularly important going on that day, he decides to go out and work on a project he’s been tinkering with.

#asks #ask game #fic ask game #thank you!#sorry that last bit was kinda long lol #hetalia #i feel like AKTF would have been different if i'd gone that route...

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woodlandcorpse · 6 months

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I'm really just. Done? Kinda. I'm really just done. I don't know. I'm starting to look at everyone spitefully. Maybe not because they've done something to specifically hurt me, but whatever they do *does* feel like that. I'm starting to realize I'm not really needed as a person and that I should've been dead a long, long time ago. There's no point in me being here anymore and that's genuinely becoming really obvious to me, personally. I feel like I just bother people by my mere existence. All the "I love you"s I've heard have been fake all along,and I'm only making sense to myself. I'm tired. I'm tired of bothering people. I'm tired of being so annoying. I'm tired of being so angry and sad all the time. I'm tired of doing the most for people to give the least of care about me. I hope whenever I die my things will go to my two only friends and that they'll be shared equally. I think that and getting buried with a cat skull to have a bit of my dead cat would be the only things I'd want after death. I don't want to be this way anymore. I hope that if I actually go through with everything, everyone will end up being happy in the end.

I hope everything I've done to wrong my parents will be forgiven. I'm sorry for getting born to a family that didn't want me to begin with, and I'm sorry my mom's pregnancy was untimely and I'm sorry the abortion my mom tried to have didn't work and I'm sorry I was born healthy and didn't die after my birth like my siblings have hoped. I'm sorry for being such a moody bitch who's never happy with anything and anyone. I'm sorry I demand so many things of them. I'm sorry to my sister that had to put up with me annoying her for so long during my childhood and after and I'm sorry to my brother for not contacting him for so long ♡. I hope they can all get over it like adults.

I hope my friends can get over it as well and get the support they need to also get over me being so angry at them all the time. I'm sorry I get so upset at everything and I'm sorry everything triggers me and I'm sorry they had to deal with me being so sensitive and emotional and overall destructive of both my own self and of the things and relationships surrounding me. I hope my things will somehow make up for the gaps that I've managed to create in their hearts over the span of our friendships due to me being an emotional and manipulative bitch. I'm sorry for never seeming to care enough or never paying enough attention. I'm sorry for being so emotionally numb all the time and I'm sorry for my unwillingness to hear other people out because I thought I was smarter than everyone. I hope they can take their time to heal everything and I'm sorry they ever had to lay eyes upon me and meet me and I'm sorry I didn't say I love them enough or that I didn't act like it.

I hope the day I'll go on will be peaceful. I hope I can pass in my sleep if possible. I hope what money I'll have left after this can be donated to some organization or something, and I hope my things will still be usable for years to come and I hope they'll somehow be handy. Or that they'll give some sort of emotional compensation, at least. I hope after death I can stop bothering people and I can spend time with my cat. Whatever days follow after this I'll keep my mouth shut about whatever plans I have and I'll stop being annoying so my friends can possibly have a peaceful last few days before "disaster struck". I loved and will continue to love everyone I've ever met and I hope that will continue to be a known thing after my death, too.

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regulatedchaos · 6 months

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16th Month today

I keep thinking about him being surprised id still want him after everything that happened.

It was not an easy decision for me, when he left last 10/11 I was crushed prolly cos I've been drained of the daily situation I wasn't even aware of, didn't even suspect anything. And then November came I realized that it's been happening since September, he's not been okay for a long time. I feel sad and felt like I could've done better in taking care of him but I have to console myself somehow too, cos I have a living thing inside of me.

The first few weeks of him leaving was so difficult, iregretted a lot of things. I felt like I gave in too soon, I felt like I let my guard down, felt like all of these years of taking care of myself, loving, healing myself and then suddenly I gave myself away willingly for this man I barely knew. I was certain that I'd be a single mom whilst I let him love his wild fun 20s young life.

I didn't really know I really love him until I started missing him. Even tho I tried to veer away from my feelings of him by how much we disagrees, how much stubborn he is, how I have to ask him repeatedly for chores and seen that he doesn't wanna do most of them, procrastination at its best, still kept thinking what else did he lie about, is he really cheating on me made me realized how I tried to convert my feelings for him into hate, into resentment. It worked for a few weeks. I'm imagining how am I gonna build my own empire on my own while taking care of my parents and papicito and that I wouldn't be involved with anyone else. (Justgot tired of men, in general) I just knew. I am on my own and I will forever be. BUT I WILL BE FINE. in fact, I was confident I will be more than fine.

But then when I sent him my first letter merely to let him feel less lonely and show support, I couldn't help but cry when I was hesitant to tell him I miss him and then everything struck me, I remember everything. How he takes care of me how he loves me and assures me everything will be alright and helps me handle my overthinking instances on a daily. How he never misses a day to call me pretty and then my thoughts of never giving him another chance just diminished. Like how can I not start over with this guy. Like life fucked him so much but he still had so much love to give so much kindness that I've seen and felt like it's possible that Ive been surrounded by failed relationships and made me not a fan of weddings anymore. Just thinking about it just scary. Like submitting myself more to someone and giving him a chance and an opportunity to cheat and lie to you like. Can anyone be really be happily married?

Today I got answer to the question that's been lingering and I've been seeing on mom's face, why give him another shot, us, another shot I mean i was the one who never gave second chances in the first place and I made mom aware of that and when she prolly noticed I changed my mind that prolly got her confused.

I realized he is the only person I wanna be with like when we didn't have any communication, talking to other guys didn't even crossed my mind (I just thought about this when I he said maghahanap nako ng iba) but instead I updated him everyday through messenger about what's going on with me on a daily, how much I miss him, my moments with Papicito.

I mean it just got to me, how can I not want this person who's trying to be the best version of himself. It's beyond winning the lottery like a lot of people are just stuck with their partners not even considering adjusting or acknowledging their toxicity and shitty traits while me, I have mine working on himself FOR himself for his son's and my benefit. Like when I realized that I never have loved him more. I can't wait to spend all my living days with this person and made me value our relationship and time with him more like all the love I feel for him outweighed all pain I endured that's been caused by shit, everything. Like I didn't have as much questioning why I'm hurting why do I always give so much and still be treated like shit.

Everything's started to be clear. As I'm tryping this and sobbing right now, we are each other's person, reason to be better. And I have so much to work on myself more. And even though we are far away I can feel how strong his love for me is than ever before, and I can't remember being this much in love in a wholistic like mature way of loving. Selfless yet selfish. Thoughtful and kind. And I just can't wait to be with him again.

These hormones don't get tired huh? Can't see what I'm typing anymore cos of these fooken tears.

I love you, papii. I have never had this clarity in my life that I'm no longer questioning what's going on anymore but more on looking forward with everything our future has to offer. With my crazy overthinking mind that I don't even trust, I've never been so sure in my life. Like it's you.

It's always been you.

Only 5 more months ✨

21Nov23

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manicmangoes · 1 year

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02/01/2023

I haven’t written in so long! But, I couldn’t stay away and I’m getting back to it. Another journal entry today. I need to get over my fear of creative writing. I have this fear that my writing will be shallow/cheesy/etc. and won’t be good, but I think the only one that would even think that is me, and why do I have that negative self talk?? Also, who cares about my writing if it makes me happy? And what if what makes me happy is cheesy, fun creative writing? I shouldn’t and won’t be embarrassed of expressing myself and my creativity. Anyways, tonight I went to a movie with my mom. It was a pretentious film-festival-type movie, the type with credits at the beginning of the film, the kind of movie with so much dialogue it feels like a play. I was a little disappointed, because the film has great reviews and Oscar-buzz. But…. it wasn’t really our cup of tea. It felt like a dragged out 10 hour film, despite the actors best efforts to pull us into their world. So I guess not all art is for everyone, and that’s ok. Certain movies might not be for everyone and that’s okay! On the way home from the film, my mom and I lamented over the hours of our lives we would never get back, and our conversation drifted over various topics. The movie, which is called “Tár”, was a psychological thriller/Greek tragedy I guess you could say, about a classical conductor that falls from grace. The movie was so desolate that we had to have the radio off for a solid part of the car ride. The film really dragged and after 2 1/2 hours of it we just couldn’t tolerate any more music, orchestra or not. It would’ve physically hurt us. Eventually we put on some 70’s music, and conversation drifted to my mom growing up back then and how her house had a crank to turn the TV antenna on their roof. It’s so crazy how different life is now! We also talked and laughed about a memory I have from when I was in middle school. We were living in our rental house at the time at the end of a cul-de-sac, and I was riding my bike around at the end of our street. Foolishly, I wasn’t wearing a helmet. I can’t remember what I got caught up on, but I’ll never forget flipping head first over the bike and somehow simultaneously pulling the bike down on top of/with me. I cracked against the pavement like an egg and was immediately bloodied up; scrapes, lacerations, and road rash all over me. Through the haze of pain, I can still remember seeing my mom watching the whole scene unfold and seeing her face morph into one emotion: “Oh SHIT’”! She sprang to action and got to me in what seemed mere milliseconds, and luckily I wasn’t too banged up that I needed to see the doctor. As we talked about this integral memory of mine in the car, I was kind of shocked to hear that she couldn’t recall this moment at all, even though it’s still so ingrained in my head all these years later. I found it so interesting that a core memory and moment I experienced is something that for her wasn’t even memorable. I’m sure there are other core moments in our relationship she remembers, but it’s interesting to me how we hold onto different pieces of our experiences with one another. We use them to form a “picture” that displays the relationship we have with someone. Different memories = different pieces = different “picture” = different relationship dynamics. I didn’t choose to hold onto the memory of my fall, it’s just stayed with me for who knows why. Different moments, different art, different movies, and different writing have different effects on all of us. I think it’s important to share because you can illustrate and explain your experience to others when you do, and you can also hear what other people hold onto and see how their “picture” and relationships can look significantly different even when it’s the same shared experiences. Talking and sharing allows us to be able to share moments we might have forgotten and make our “pictures” of one another clearer and bring them into focus.

#manicmangowrites #stream of conscious writing #movies #memories #relationships

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faithxfatality · 1 year

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1/16/23

2:47 am

Dear Best Friend,

I know you’re sad right now. Sad being perhaps the most minimizing word I can use for this.

You’re in pain. You feel like your chest is collapsing. Like you want to crawl out of your skin. Like you’re made of glass and slowly every part of you, every inch of you is breaking painstakingly slow.

After everything that has happened in 2022, I know. I know everything about you and yet, I feel as if I don’t know you. As if we haven’t lived together for almost 25 years. As if you aren’t the voice in my head. I feel as if we are two different people in the same body, constantly fighting each other.

You lost your daughter. You lost the person you thought was meant to be your forever person. Your mother’s side of the family showed themselves in their true light. It was truly the worst year of your life. Your childhood was a cakewalk compared to this.

Baby. Your pain. The weight of the world. The wrong tone and you break instantly. Your mere existence is embarrassing. TO YOURSELF. You’re ashamed of yourself. You tried to convince yourself that you’re the hottest, most amazing, and perfect human on the planet. That if people liked you actually, they would drag you out themselves. They would make effort to get you out. But since they didn’t, obviously they’re this and that and fake and blah blah blah. I get it babe. I do. And yet, for some reason, you get embarrassed when people talk to you. When people acknowledge you. When someone raises their tone at you. When you talk about your likes and dislikes. When you talk about your feelings. When you.. exist. How can you be a walking contradiction?

Quite simply, mi amor, you are deeply shattered. Broken. Every day you wake up completely crumbling at the thought of your very existence.

Do you realize how abnormal that is?

That there are actually people that exist and they can wake up without wanting to go back to sleep. That they can actually GO to sleep?

There are people who live completely normal lives. Who haven’t lived the 3 different life times you have. Who haven’t dealt with a parents divorce, watched their mom get hooked on meth and heroin, had to take care of their younger siblings, got abused, raped, had to watch their mom’s boyfriend lurking in the corner since 13 and then confess to wanting to fuck as soon as you turned 18, walked into their ex’s apartment to see his mom and sister smoking crack, lived in their car just so they didn’t have to live in their hometown then move into hotels until they could afford their first apartment then try to upgrade to a townhome only to have their roommate not pay rent and drag them down the stairs after same roommate watched them drink themselves into oblivion and do drugs because their life can’t seem to be fine. Some people don’t lose two children within the span of 4 years, giving birth to one only to have their beautiful daughter die in their arms at the young age of 2 weeks because they had some freak chromosome disease.

But look. You are still somehow here.

Even after all those years of attempting suicide and being locked in mental facilities. 11 attempts. Didn’t think you’d make it to 20. And I still hear you say you don’t think you’ll make it to 30. Do you know how heartbreaking that is to hear? After everything I’ve done to protect you or try to heal you. I tell you “don’t jump into that relationship” and your heart goes “let’s go fucking skydiving without a parachute because this person is definitely going to catch me.”

You. Don’t. Need. Anyone. To. Catch. You.

You need to catch yourself. You need to realize no one will have you like you have you. No one will die next to you. We aren’t born into this world alone but we do die alone. So why put in work into a temporary relationship while you’re broken when you can put in work to a permanent relationship with yourself?

I. Know. You.

I know the sounds you make impulsively. I know the conversations you have inside your head. I know you talk out loud to yourself because it helps you think better. I know that when you get nervous, you pick at that uneven skin patch on your thumb. I know that you will buy a whole bag of Doritos just to lick the seasoning off and not to eat the chips. I know that you like lime salt in your corona and that you love lime in your corona because you think everything tastes better with lime. Rice, tacos, guacamole, salad.. I can go on. You bite once into those lime green spicy peppers before putting the juice on a salad or pizza.

My point is…

You need to heal. As someone who deeply cares about you, about us, you can’t go around making empty affectionate remarks towards people. You can’t go around being embarrassed for existing. You can’t go around feeling like you’re gonna fall apart at any second of the day. You can’t go around being mad at people for not fighting hard enough for you when you don’t fight hard enough for you. Sure, you’re right about some of those people and them not caring. That is okay. That doesn’t mean all people are like that. You over share so much with people who simply don’t have the emotional capability to handle all the information you give them. And I’d be lying if I said your friend was wrong about you liking attention. But it’s not the fact that you like it. It’s the fact that no one pays any mind to you. Or so you feel. You have so much locked up so tightly inside of you that it’s effecting your views and relationships with yourself and people. You are worth loving. You are worth time and energy. But only if it’s coming from you. You don’t need to go to the gym or do some crazy things to drastically change your life. You need peace. Unconditional love. Quiet. You don’t need to figure it out in one night. One month. One year. We are all humans. Some people are 70, 80+ and finding new things to love about themselves or finding new hobbies.

Take a break. Take a breath. You are my everything. You are all I have.

So let’s stop fighting. Please. I deserve to be loved correctly. You deserve to be loved correctly. We are worth it.

Please. Come back to me.

#dissociation

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