#mostly because all of the easy stuff I could have done with them I already did with stars and horizon

[arolesbianism]

hello gamers minor life update I have been doing Real bad lately so I will likely continue to be very inactive, but hey on the bright side I have been fleshing out some eternal gales lore I reworked a while back and I can happily say that Dodie no longer completely contradicts the very nature of reality in eternal gales and the fog tower™ officially has a real reason to exist again so hell yeah to that

[lis-likes-fics]

The Sound of His Voice

Pairings: Spencer Reid x agent!Reader Word Count: 3k words Warnings: Descriptions of crime scenes/vague gore, mentions of death and murder, standard Criminal Minds stuff, fluff otherwise... A/N: I started watching CM a while ago and now I can't stop so enjoy this. There will be more, I dunno when. (Should I be working on my months-in-progress-wips? Yes, I absolutely should. Am I? Mostly. I'm trying my best)

Morgan rubs his temple, digging his fingers into the side of his forehead as he shakes his head. Tapping his pen on the desk, he tosses down his file. “But here's what I don't get,” he says, drawing the attention of the rest of the team. “If the unsub thinks of his victims as prey, even going as far as to torture the victim, why go through all the trouble of tucking them into bed?”

Hotch looks back at the picture in his own hands, where he had been analyzing the scene for the hundredth time in search of something he missed the first hundred. He shrugs, “Tucking them in can usually indicate signs of remorse.”

JJ motions to the pictures. “Yeah, but look at this guy. Does this look remorseful to you?”

You lift a shoulder, leaning back in your seat and crossing your arms. “Could be a second unsub.”

You are a relatively new addition to the team. It was your fifth case with them, but they already treated you like part of the team, like family. It was easy to sink into the ebb and flow of everything, especially when they trust your skills and instincts and let you know when you're doing something wrong so you know not to do it again.

But this case was difficult. Your unsub had a strange profile: an organized, white male, with surgical experience and the MO reminiscent of a cat. He kills men and women alike, and the only connection between his victims have been their smaller statures.

The age range itself was too wide, though there was a slight reoccurrence of ages between 25 and 35. But it was still too wide, either way, not enough to work with.

He ties up and tortures them before finally ending their lives with strangulation. He uses his bare hands to get the job done, which makes him a sexual sadist. As if that wasn't enough, he carves out the victim’s heart after death and takes it as a trophy.

He shows plenty of psychopathic characteristics, but he also fits the profile of a sociopath, so it's hard to make anything stick. His MO suggests a lack of empathy and guilt, but the bed-tucking… You always lose him with the bed-tucking…

Morgan shakes his head a little, humming. “But we already ruled out multiple unsubs,” he says. You nod gently. “Besides, if this guy is mimicking the hunting habits of a cat, he would hunt alone, wouldn't he?”

Reid’s head perks up. He points a pen in Morgan's direction as he shakes his head. “Actually, no.” He licks his lips, and he's grabbed your attention like a siren to a sailor. “It's a very common misconception that cats are loners, but it's untrue. Cats prefer the companionship of others just as much as a human being would.”

You lean toward him a bit across the table, watching him as he speaks, his hands moving to illustrate his words as he does. “People often think, because of their aloof nature, that they like to be left alone or actually despise the presence of other people, including their owners or other cats—which is why people believe them to be low maintenance creatures. But they are just as social as, say, a dog. Actually, it's interesting, big cats like lions, or sometimes even cheetahs, hunt in packs to take down larger prey. Domestic cats–”

“Reid,” Morgan interrupts, making a cutting motion with his hand to his neck.

Your eyes turn back to Spencer, who seems to retreat in on himself a bit as he gives an apologetic smile and a small nod. “Sorry,” he says, pulling his lips in a wide smile.

You set a hand on the table, shaking your head. “No, keep going. That was interesting.”

Spencer looks at you with these eyes that seem to shine. Your heart feels fonder, warmer, at the sight of him.

“We really don't have time to go through all of this,” Hotch says, his tone final.

“I mean,” you continue. Since joining the team, you've grown a certain affinity toward Spencer and his genius mind. Every time he's gone on his tangents, you've become enchanted by the words coming out of his mouth like he's put some sort of spell over you. You lift a shoulder, gesturing toward him. “If this guy is basing his MO off the hunting patterns of cats, we should…know everything we need to know about them, right?”

Hotch looks at you, his face hard and unreadable. You're unsure if he's considering your proposal or just trying to intimidate you. But then he sighs, his crossed arms loosening a little as he turns to Spencer.

“Reid?”

Spencer looks between you and Hotch, relenting hesitantly as he starts off slow. “Well…I was going to say domestic cats are solitary hunters but sociable creatures.” He picks up his normal speed once more, “They can be very affectionate, especially toward their owners and other cats within their households. They're also one of the only types of cats who play with their prey before killing them, which could be a reason this unsub tortures his victims so extensively in his murders.”

“Wait…” Prentiss says, catching all of your attentions. “You said ‘affectionate toward their owners’.”

“Yeah,” Spencer nods.

She waves her hands gently, “How do cats show affection for their owners?”

Spencer shrugs, “Um, bunting, purring, some scratch, sometimes they leave offerings, like dead rodents, around the house–”

“Right there!” Prentiss exclaims. “They leave offerings.”

You sit up, “The hearts.”

Hotch’s dark brows furrow. “You're saying this unsub is taking the hearts as an offering to someone else?”

Spencer thinks over that, nodding. “It's possible.”

JJ sighs. “But that still doesn't explain why we wouldn't have identified a second unsub earlier.”

Spencer holds out a hand, pointing with his pen. “Actually, it could. You see, cats also have the tendency to mimic the people they hold affection for. We might not have noticed a second MO because the submissive unsub may be mimicking the dominant one.”

“Or learning from him,” Morgan says.

“Learning?” Hotch asks.

Morgan glances around, “Well, if we're sticking so close to this cat thing, older cats often nurture the young and teach them to hunt.” He shrugs, “We could be looking at…brothers? Older and younger?”

“Or lovers,” JJ suggests. She points to a picture, the image of a chest carefully carved open to reveal a missing heart. “If the hearts are offerings, it could be a Valentine.”

“And the bed-tucking?” you ask.

Hotch picks up the picture of one of the victims, “safely” and securely tucked into bed…put to sleep. “Well, if the hearts are offerings for a lover, this unsub is sentimental. He could feel some type of sympathy or guilt for the victim and want to ‘put them to sleep’ after the torture.” He studies the image, a flash of unease behind his eyes that you know all too well. He sets it down.

“Okay, so how do we find them?” Prentiss asks, clicking her pen before setting it down to begin a definitive course of action.

Spencer points to yet another picture. “Look at these injuries. These incisions are surgical,” he clarifies. “So the dominant is a doctor or a—a veterinarian, which can be implied through his intimate knowledge of cats’ behaviors.”

“And the submissive might work under him as a nurse or an assistant,” you continue, adding on to his clever insight. He glances over at you, smiling almost giddily at your understanding.

Hotch turns to Morgan. “Do you think that's enough to work with?”

Morgan thinks for a moment, his shrug melding into a nod as he turns back to Hotch. “To fit in with the rest of the profile,” he hums, “I'd say so.”

“Okay.” Hotch nods firmly. “We'll present the profile ASAP. Morgan, get Garcia to search for any vets in the area with any records of assault charges.” He says this all while taking long strides toward the door, his red tie bouncing slightly with his movements.

Prentiss follows him with her gaze as he exits. “You think the unsub is aggressive?”

He turns briefly. “Look at the bruising on the neck. The torture alone is an indicator of anger and frustration, but the way the victim was strangled suggests force. Much more than necessary just to crush a windpipe. He's an organized killer with a lot of rage. If he moves more along the lines of a sociopath, our best guess is he's had some kind of trouble with the law at some point in his life,” he concludes. Glancing aside, he speaks again, a little more firmly. “Morgan.”

“On it,” he says, his phone already ready to contact Garcia on speed dial.

“And Reid,” Hotch says, focusing his hard stare on the younger agent.

He stiffens, straightening his back and awaiting his response. “Yes?”

There's a pause as Hotch examines him silently. With a single nod, he says, “Good work.”

He glances at you. A nod.

You nod back.

Hotch leaves in a hurry, and your gaze immediately and instinctively flicks to Spencer. He smiles at you, turning away as though he was shyly hiding that same smile.

~

There were two unsubs: a surgical veterinarian and his nurse. You caught them just in time, just as that knife was gleaming in the golden light of the lamps swinging above the three bodies down in the basement of the submissive unsub’s house.

And now you soared 40,000 feet above the ground with another killer put away for good.

Everyone's in their own spirit, placing you across the aisle from JJ and Spencer in their own booths, a crochet set in your lap as you continue one of your projects. Emily's eyes linger on JJ, watching the crease of her brow as she studies case files.

“What are you thinking about?” she asks, setting her book to the side to shift her attention. Derek darts his eyes up from his own book, lifting his brow as he does it.

JJ looks up, breathing in and lifting her shoulder in a half shrug. “I don't know about you,” she says, “but I know that if I got an actual human heart on Valentine's Day, me and my alleged partner would have some serious issues.”

Snorts and chuckles lift from multiple places among the seats, heads shaking and attentions shifting back to their own activities.

But as soon as you hear the first lilt of Spencer's voice, like clockwork, you're a fish on a hook.

“Actually,” he begins, “if we were set back thousands of years, that would not be a very unusual occurrence.” He licks his lips quickly, “You see, Valentine's Day’s origins actually go back to a festival called Lupercal, or Lupercalia. The festival was in itself a very violent and sexually charged affair that lasted roughly three days—from the 13th to the 15th—set in Rome. Its traditions were carried out in two separate locations, firstly–”

“Alright,” JJ rises to her feet, her eyes wide in annoyance as she closes her case file in a large announcement to Spencer. “I'm getting coffee. Do you want anything?”

Spencer purses his lips, that same wide, apologetic grin covering his face as he leans back in his seat and shakes his head. “Uh, no. All good here.”

She nods, turning to walk away, “Great.”

You watch JJ leave, your eyes fall back upon Spencer, who's pulling his book back into his palms to turn his focus back on the pages. His eyes flit over the words at lightning speed, absorbing the information and moving to the next.

Taking your crochet set in your hands, you stand and plop down in JJ’s old spot. Spencer's eyes darts up to you, glancing between you and his book as you set your stuff down and readjust your yarn.

Beginning again, you nod toward him. “You were saying?”

Spencer, his eyes wide and confused and his lips parted in wonder and his cheeks a little pink, stares at you. After remembering he had to respond, he sputters in an attempt to.

“Uh, it's-it's really not that…interesting,” he mumbles, trailing off at the end as he sets his book down, his fingertips pressing against the edge of the desk between the both of you.

“Well,” you look up at him, setting your elbow on the table and tucking your first underneath your chin, “I was very interested.”

His Adam's apple bobs when he swallows. His lips form the word before it comes out of his mouth. “You were?”

You nod, “Mhm.”

Looking at him for a moment—just looking at him for a moment—you take in the pretty sight of his bewildered expression, fascination and confusion and excitement crossing his face in a flurry of emotion.

You move your elbow from the table and pick up your hook, nodding toward him before training your eyes on your work again as you await his words. “Firstly?” you prompt.

Scrambling to organize his thoughts, Spencer nods. As the words form in his brain, he smiles as he thrusts himself into another rant, speaking a little softer so as not to aggravate the rest of the team.

“Well, firstly, the uh— The-the first location was in a cave called Lupercus—named after the Roman fertility god that the celebration was dedicated to—and the second is a public meeting place called the Comitium.”

You tilt your head toward him, smiling a little. “Like the word ‘committee’.”

“Exactly like the word ‘committee’,” he beams.

Your attention, as hard as you tried to split it, becomes entirely caught up in Spencer as you forget about your project and focus your gaze entirely on him. You set your arms on the table separating you and watch as he speaks, your smile definitely too love-sick to be a hint anymore. He seems to lean in closer.

“So how did Lupercalia become Valentine's Day?” you wonder aloud.

“Well,” he starts, prompting a larger grin from you, “in the late 5th century A.D., Pope Gelasius I eliminated it and declared February 14th a day to celebrate the martyrdom of Saint Valentine instead—although it's highly unlikely he intended the day to commemorate love and passion as it is celebrated now. In fact, some modern biblical scholars warn Christians not to celebrate Valentine's Day at all, due to its Pagan roots and rituals.”

You hum, your eyes taking glances at the stretch of his skin over his fingers and the way they move when he speaks.

“Do you celebrate Valentine's Day?” you ask gently, speaking slowly.

His hands fall back down to his lap, and he shakes his head as he straightens his posture a bit. “Well…I don't usually have anyone to celebrate it with, so… No, not really.”

Feeling the shyness slipping into your veins, you set your hands on the table and let your fingers slowly inch toward him, staring at them inside of his eyes. You don't want to see the rejection if it lives there, in his eyes.

You speak slowly, emphasizing every syllable. “Would you like to have someone to celebrate it with?”

He swallows thickly, letting one hand lift onto the table, still close to him but building up courage to maybe meet you in the middle. “Like…” he clears his throat quietly. “Like you?”

You offer a right smile, finally flicking your eyes up to meet his and feeling giddy at the light blush on his cheeks, the nervous wideness of his gaze. “I promise no actual hearts.”

You watch him, and again…his eyes, his Adam's apple, his cheeks, his lips. “Uh…yeah,” he stutters. “Yeah, sure. I'll be your…your Valentine.”

You smile, a wide smile that splits your face in two. Spencer's own grin follows suit. Looking past you, he catches the eyes of Derek, who smirks and offers a cheesy thumbs up, proud of him for securing you as he did.

His gaze falls back to you when you begin to speak, your voice just as song-ish to him as his is to you. You're both equally as infatuated as the other. “You know,” you trail off slowly, “supposedly, Saint Valentine might be so commonly associated with our day of love because there are rumors that he used to perform secret weddings against the wishes of the authorities in the third century.”

He nods slowly, his brows furrowed slightly. “Yes, that's right…” Licking his bottom lip, he speaks again. “You already knew all that stuff about Lupercalia, didn't you?”

You smile, your face squished a bit as you raise your hands and close your thumb and forefinger close together. “Maybe a little,” you whisper. But then you shrug and just keep looking at him. “But I like listening to you talk.”

Spencer suddenly doesn't think you're real, but he isn't about to question it if you aren't. There's someone who enjoys his tangents. He isn't going to jeopardize that.

“Oh,” is all he says.

With your crocheting long forgotten, you lean forward on the table and give him every ounce of attention in your mind. With a fond smile on your lips and a twinkle in your eye, you rest your chin on your folded hands. “You should tell me about…” you pause, thinking, before you smile curls even more, “bees.”

His brows lift as he nods. “Okay, well,” he starts, “did you know the first civilization to practice widespread, organized beekeeping was the Ancient Egyptians, who began beekeeping around 2,500 BCE?”

Your brows lift in fascination. You shake your head, “No, I didn't.”

His smile grows. “Well…”

For the remainder of the flight, Spencer talks and talks and talks, his voice quiet and meant solely for you as he talks about whatever you want: bees and wine and marbles and Halloween. He keeps smiling at you, as you keep smiling at him. Somewhere along the way, he officially asks you on a date, and you both get off the jet together to get a cup of coffee.

You love the way he talks.

Criminal Minds taglist: ... Tag yourself here...

[cherriesformatt]

9 months || matt sturniolo part 3

matt x fem!reader

summary: just how you and matt figured out life during your pregnancy

warings: pregnancy, suggestive, being sick

word count: 2,2k

a/n: guys thanks so much for all the notes 🥹 means a world to me and 100 followers wtf 🍒ily im not that proud of this one. Let me know if I should still keep going with the next part. Didn’t proofread yet!

The doctor said I couldn’t fly till my second trimester. I was really sick and pregnancy wasn’t easy on me. So we decided that we will wait to tell our families because we really wanted to tell them in person. Chris and Nick were great with keeping the secret. No one besides 4 of us knew. Even Laura and my boss didn’t know. I worked from home so I was able to do my job even when I wasn’t in my best form.

I had basically 3 babysitters now. Matt, Chris and Nick treated me like glass and to be honest sometimes I liked it (mostly when I was rotting on the couch and needed a snack) but most of the time I just yelled at them that I really could do everything without them staring at my soul.

When I was so sick all the time Matt decided that I should just stay with them for now. But the next thing I see is him moving my entire apartment here. I was pretty minimalistic so I didn’t have too much stuff. I just didn’t extend my rental and decided that would be for the best now.

My doctor said I was clear to fly when I was 16 weeks pregnant. So we organized trip to Boston. Sooner than later because I was starting to show and also because I already felt better. I gave up and started taking meds to stop being so nauseous. Every time I would try to gave them up everything would just make me sick.

Justin picked four of us from the airport and I took a passenger seat in the van. The flight was pretty good. I was just tired. The car had an air freshener and it’s smell just make my stomach flip.

“Oh no” I said and released I did not take my meds in the plane because I was sleeping. And also I couldn’t find them in my bag.

“Justin pull over …please” I kept my hand on my mouth.

He looked at me and when he saw me he momentarily did pull over to the side and I just jumped out of the car and threw up. I felt my hair being hold and a gentle hand rubbed my back.

“It’s okay baby… just let it all out” Matt said with his voice being worried.

When I was done I rinsed my mouth with water that Matt gave me and looked at him.

“This air freshener gotta go” I said quietly but he did take it out before I got back in.

“What are you pregnant or something, kid?” Justin looked at me jokingly but I only smiled at him awkwardly.

That’s how he found out.

MaryLou, Jimmy and boys grandma found out because Chris couldn’t keep his shit together.

“No she doesn’t drink” Chris said after their dad offered me my favorite wine. I was the only one who would usually share a glass or two with them and Justin. I was also over 21.

“How come? That’s your favorite” Jimmy said but I just looked at Matt.

“O fuck I’m so sorry” Chris said realizing but it just made it worst. We had to tell them now and then.

“So we came here… not only because we missed you but also to share some news with you all” Matt said really calmly.

“We’re having a baby” He aded looking at his parents and I just gripped his hand really hard.

“Oh my…” MaryLou said and she stood up and came to us and just gave us both a hug.

“You won’t believe this… but what I told Jimmy when you went to drop your bags upstairs. I said something is different… and you honey.. you’re glowing” She looked at me and honestly I couldn’t see that but I heard that a lot lately.

“What can I say…. I didn’t expect that so soon but congratulations kids” Jimmy came up to us as well and gave Matt a reassuring shoulder squeeze and I got a big smile.

“Oh Matty… I always knew you’re going to be the first one to give me great grandchildren” Their grandma smiled at us and Matt just went to her and gave her a big hug.

Rest of the night we spend watching their old videos and baby photos and I just cried so many times. Because I realized I couldn’t wait to have the baby here with us.

They took the news so well and I was really stressed about it because at first I was always worried about being older than Matt and now I’m also older and pregnant.

But they just always made me feel like home here and the rest of the trip just went so well. Talking to someone with so much experience gave me just more power to get through it all.

Then we did my family after coming back from Boston. I didn’t want to put myself out for such a long flight. Since my family was back in Europe. So we did what I dreamed about since I saw that commercial back when I was in middle school.

“Everyone…I want you to meet someone” I said while we were on a family group chat FaceTime.

I stood up and Matt readjusted the screen so it was on my belly. Which I swear was just bigger everyday. I felt like weight was lifted off my body, because not telling my mom and siblings about that was hard. Everyone freak out and I needed to answered 100 questions but luckily my mom didn’t make us say we will get married before the baby comes.

Half way through we were just getting really excited and everyone knew. Everyone except the whole Internet. But honestly that wasn’t to hard to keep from. We always did keep our relationships private and I wasn’t that much on social media so it was alright.

Also that was the time when I just couldn’t resist Matt. I honestly felt like jumping his bones 24h and I’m not even kidding. That was his favorite part of me being pregnant.

We also did decide that we rent a house that went in the market in the same neighborhood that the triples lived now. And we got the house so we started to renovate it like we wanted it. Boys were happy that it’s literally next doors but also it’s our own space that we would need to learn to have.

Nick was filming and photographing all weeks of my pregnancy. At first I didn’t like it because I was camera shy. I usually worked behind it. And now when I’m looking at Polaroids he made me take every week. They made me so happy.

“I love the name Noah” Matt said while his head was on my boobs and his hand on my belly.

I smiled. We didn’t want to know the gender till birth so while we talked to the baby we just called it “peanut”.

“I actually love it too… and we could do N O A H for a boy and N O A” I said and he looked at me so happy that I liked his idea.

Me and Madi would go shopping sometimes and all we did was just buying baby stuff. Most of the stuff I got were the ones I’ve learned from birth classes. I was obsessed with reading all the books about newborns and every now and then I’ll see Matt reading them too when he was not working.

One afternoon Chris came back from his meeting and he was so excited. He handed me w bag and I opened it.

“Chris are you kidding me? I’m going to cry” I put two mini sets of fresh love on the table. One was blue and one was pink.

“That’s the cutest thing that I have ever seen” I hugged him tightly.

“That’s from your favorite uncle kid your first outfit” He said looking at my belly and I froze because I felt a movement inside. First time ever so hard.

“Oh fuck… that was so weird” I said.

“What happened?” Chris stepped away from me.

“The baby is moving and I can feel it so well! Oh my gosh it did it again!!”

“Can I feel it?” Chris asked clearly exited.

“Yes..give me your hand” I said and I put his hand where I last felt it. And when the baby did it again I looked at him.

“Did you feel it?” I asked and he just looked at me with his eyes wide open .

“I did… a little.. that’s so weird… bro you’re a hero” he said.

“What’s that screaming all about?” My boyfriend joined us in the kitchen.

“I just made your baby kick!” Chris said.

“Oh my goodness are you just gonna claim it on yourself?” I laughed.

“What?” Matt came up to me and put his hands on my belly.

I readjusted them and looked at his eyes.

“Now…she did it again” I said and his eyes widened.

“That’s… wow” he said.

“I know” I whispered.

“You also just called Peanut a “she”” Matt smiled.

He knew I was having dreams about us having a daughter. That was another thing since I was pregnant. I had so many vivid dreams.

“Oh that was an accident…” I said.

After my 32nd week we had everything ready in our house and we started to sleep there and hang out. I worked there too. I had my little office. But I started to be really tired so I took my time off. Matt was really happy about it. Because we had more time to spend together, just two of us before there was a three people in the pack.

He was just perfect. He would rubbed my feet when they were swollen and give me a massage every night. He talked to my belly so much and just loved us both to the moon and back. All this time it was really hard for us but he made it so easy in the same time.

When I was freaking out the day my waters broke. He just packed a car and kept his cool. He was beside me every second. His brothers and our moms outside the delivery room.

“That’s a nice one if I’m going to have my baby to this song I might actually name it skies” I said in between taking my deep breaths. I let everyone be part of my delivery day playlist. Lil Skies was currently playing for the 7th time.

“Oh please baby” Matt laughed and rubbed my back as I rolled myself on the ball trying to get through my constructions.

When it came to actual pushing I thought I’m gonna kill everyone in the room. I decided that I wanted to give birth in water. So when I was ready we moved to the pool that nurses got ready.

Matt was siting behind me telling me sweet nothings while I was screaming and holding his hands so hard that I’m pretty sure blood couldn’t get to them.

While I heard crying in the room that wasn’t mine. Everything just went away. All the pain. They put the baby on my chest and I hold it.

“It’s a girl…” One of the nurses said and I kissed her temple. She was so little.

“We have a daughter…” Matt whispered as he hold as both. Both of us crying at this point and just couldn’t believe it.

“She is perfect” I whispered and touched her little nose.

“You both are, you’re a hero” Matt kissed my head.

When they took her for check up. Nurses helped me to get myself together while Matt went to take a shower. Took him 5 minutes because he was scared to miss the moment they will bring her back. I actually couldn’t keep my eyes open after they gave me pain meds I just passed out.

When I woke up there were flowers, balloons and gift bags everywhere. And I saw Matt at the corner of the room with little Noa on his bare chest.

“Matty…” I whispered.

He looked at me and stood up holding her. He was so natural about it.

“Look mama is up” He gently placed her in my open arms and I looked at her. I could just stare at her forever.

“Is everything okay? What’s all of this?” I asked quietly.

“Both of you are great, you slept some time, you deserved it, I send everyone home after they saw Noa for a little bit. That’s all form the favorite uncles apparently” He said with a big smile.

“They’re crazy…come here on the bed” I said and moved a little. He did as I said and I rested my head on his shoulder.

“Thank you…she’s so perfect” Matt said and kissed my cheek.

“Well we did it together I just had more work” I laughed.

He did too and Noa opened her eyes and looked at us. But didn’t cry. She really was perfect. Well she was a Sturniolo after all.

That’s all I needed. My little family.

[audiblehush]

Okay, so post-P1 trailer, the thing I’m MOST excited about for is Colin and Penelope’s ACTUAL friendship!

Because while Colin has always viewed Penelope as a genuine a friend, she has always had the added lense of “I’m in love with you,” and that changed the way she interacted with him.

But now, to Penelope, Colin has essentially closed the door on him ever seeing her in a romantic light, both with his end of S2 words AND their “friends” handshake in S3. “Okay,” she probably thinks, “that dream is dead but friends. I can do friends.”

But what this opportunity does is this give us Penelope functioning in this friendship as an ACTUAL friend, and not just “yes sure friends but I can’t get the heart out of eyes enough for it to be truly genuine because I’m wearing a mask so you like me” - That didn’t make her a bad person; it made her a girl with a strong crush worried about his view of her; it’s normal! But it also obviously led to her putting on airs around him, while also having him on a pedestal and not seeing him as a fully realized person.

But these “lessons” allow for them to be around one another without expectation. That scene of them giggling in the ballroom like dorks, as if no one else was around them??

ABSOLUTE PERFECTION!!!!

Colin will begin to see Penelope as a true friend because she’ll LET him; she’ll drop her guard enough to be real instead of trying to impress him all the time. THAT is (hopefully) when Colin starts to realize his feelings: because Penelope will finally be her authentic self… while feeling more confident because of her new wardrobe. He’ll be attracted to her new confidence, and her ACTUAL personality she’s letting him finally see, not just her physical glow-up (the candle symbolism!!!!).

COLIN will now have heart eyes for her, and maybe the one to have her on a slight pedestal… only for the LW reveal to happen and shake his world… letting us see his hurt, his anger, his worry…

Once they work through all that is when these two see each other for who the other REALLY is, flaws and all, fighting to grow individually, as a friendship, as a COUPLE… and choose each other every time.

THAT. IS. MY. JAM.

I still have my concerns about the season. I do NOT want Colin only realizing his feelings once some other guy pays her mind. I NEED him to already be struggling with and analyzing his feelings before Debling get involved. If I had to guess, it will be more than Colin is like “okay, I’m pretty sure I have feelings for Penelope, but how do i know for SURE when I’ve thought that before?” (thanks S1…) … but then Debling comes along looking for a wife, and Colin is suddenly between rock and a hard place because now he has a sort time limit to sort through really complicated feelings.

Violet says “ what more could SHE want?” mostly likely about Penelope and Debling, because Debling is wealthy, titled, and has strong interests and beliefs he is committed to (based on his promo info, anyway). This has already been an insecurity of Colin’s since S1. He’s a third son (with wealth, yes), but he has been searching for “his purpose” for ages now; it’s all over S2 how lost he is and how that frustrates him. His family tends to tolerate him at best and kind of ridicule him at worst, and so he flits by being easy-going and “charming” when he just wants to know who is and be accepted for it. So Violet says all this and Colin says “but you said friendship is the best foundation” and she tells him to follow his heart.

But that’s the problem: Colin struggles to KNOW HIS OWN HEART, and not just romantically! So I just want to know how much of his feelings for Pen has he grappled with at that point? How much exploration outside of his Pen stuff has he done regarding his own person? Because he IS a person outside his relationships, but HE doesn’t feel that way.

EDIT: Also, ALSO Yes, Colin is hyping pen up, but I want her to hype HIM up once she sees that he’s not as confident as he acts. She’s seen glimpses of that in S2, but S3 can let her be like “actually, you are AMAZING…” and without romantic intentions, just her telling her friends he has so much to offer the world.

I’m also scared Penelope will make some awful choices (Nicola hinted at this in interviews) and like, i get it we need conflict, but my poor heart can only take so much…

At the end of the day, it’s all speculation. It’s so hard to say with how trailers are cut, and I know they can’t include it all, and most people are here for the romance so that is what they would lean into… so I’m really trying to avoid doom-theorizing, or even getting attached to things I WANT to happen. We won’t know until it’s out, so I’m just trying to contain both feelings of nervousness AND excitement.

I JUST LOVE THEM SO MUCH, YOUR HONOR!!!!

[honeybeezgobzzzzz]

Zoomies

Zoomies: Y/N likes to keep her private life private, especially from her close friends at Star Labs. Unfortunately, she is forced to reveal a secret of hers when her daughter’s day care closes for the day.

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, Toddler Shenanigans.

To Note: Barry Allen x Female!Reader, Reader has a Daughter.

Request: @twilightlover2007: My idea for the next is the team doesn't know about Y/N's life outside of working at Star Labs until one day she brings a special little guest with her due to some unforeseen circumstances. She brings in her 2 year old daughter. HR and her daughter become fast friends; I wanna see a kid fascinated by all the stuff in Star Labs and when she sees the flash suit she squeals as she's a huge fan of his. I would love for her to have feelings towards Barry but she never said anything mostly cus she's a single mama. (Dad either died or is not involved).

Authors Note: For some reason I get the feeling that HR would make a great babysitter, also, little baby gorl in flash onesie? So adorable! —🐝

Word Count: ~3.7k

“…sorry to inform you that the daycare workers of Central City’s Toddler Town are out with the flu and thus we are unable to open up the daycare to look after your little one. We offer our most sincerest apologies and will work to…” Lowering your phone, you looked at your daughter who was happily shoveling Cheerio’s into her mouth, oblivious to the troubles in your life.

“Well, looks like you’re stuck with me today, kiddo,” You sighed out, massaging the place on your forehead where you already felt a headache forming. This morning hadn’t gotten off to a good start. First, your alarm clock had failed to go off, then your daughter didn’t want to get changed into her clothes for the day, and to add to that, the daycare that usually looked after your daughter while you were at work had closed because most of its workers had come down with the flu.

It wasn’t the worse thing in the world, but life as a single mother wasn’t easy and you savored the moments you had to yourself. Well, a quick call into to work and you could work at home for the day… but your daughter would be a distraction, and a very good one at that. An idea came to you. Cisco and the others would be at the lab, and that meant plenty of extra eyes and ears to keep track of your daughter.

“Not the safest place but it’s better than stuck at home with you climbing up the walls.” You sighed to yourself, setting your phone down and reaching for a washcloth to clean up the mess your daughter had made while eating breakfast. She wasn’t that bad of a messy eater, but she did sometimes get enthusiastic with her food, and that usually ended up with food projectiles raining around the circumference of her highchair. Cleaning up the cheerios was a quick task, and by the time you were done, Y/D/N was kicking in her seat and waving her arms at you, obviously wanting down.

“Mama!” Y/D/N exclaimed, her feet kicking against the high chair. “Down, down!”

Setting aside the washcloth, you picked her up and set her against your hip before reaching for a wet wipe on the kitchen counter to wipe her… you guessed it… messy face.

“Were you eating your Cheerios or just playing with them?” You asked as she giggled and tried to hide her face from your attempts to wipe at her cheeks. Little meaty fists half heartedly smacked at your hands, and withdrawing the wet wiped, you looked at your daughter with a raised eyebrow. “What? You want to have food stuck to your face all day?”

“I want down!” She squealed, kicking her legs against your body. Letting out a soft chuckle, you lowered her to the floor and watched her dart off for her toys neatly packed away in her toy box. Keeping up with your daughter was difficult, from the moment she woke up to the moment she passed out, she was on the go. She didn’t walk, she sprinted. Where she got the energy, you didn’t know, but you did know one thing: Y/D/N was going to be a firecracker when she grew up.

You watched as she pulled out her beloved flash stuffed toy and started zooming around the kitchen, making noises as she went. She absolutely adored the Flash, he was her hero and idol. If she could grow up to be him, she would. Well, she’d be meeting Barry for the first time today, and while you wouldn’t tell her that it was him that was the Flash, she would probably be over the moon about all the Flash paraphernalia.

So while your daughter ran around, you cleaned up the kitchen and started gathering your required supplies to be working at the lab. Packing a backpack, you started adding a few things for Y/D/N to tide her over for the day, mainly a few books, some colored pencils, and several snacks. If you ran out of things to keep Y/D/N entertained at the lab, well, there was plenty there that she could play with safely. Tucking your wallet and car keys into your backpack, you shouldered it before looking around for your wayward daughter.

“Y/D/N?” You heard a giggle from the living room adjacent to the kitchen, and Y/D/N head popped up over the side of the couch, mischief in her eyes. Grabbing her coat, you held it out. “Come on, it’s time to go!”

She slipped from the couch and hurried over, her sock covered feet scurrying across the floor. Somewhere in the time you had been gathering your things, your daughter had managed to get herself into her favorite flash once complete with a hood that had little lightning bolts.

“Y/D/N…” Little lips pouted up at you as she wrapped her arms around her red covered body and turned her chin.

“Don’t wanna change!”

“What happened to the clothes you were wearing during breakfast?” You asked, your eyebrows pinching together as you looked around for the discarded clothes. She wasn’t the best at dressing herself yet, but she could wriggle in and out of clothes enough to change them. Currently, her favorite onesie that mimicked Barry’s suit, was only half zipped up, her left arm was bunched at her elbow, and the onsie itself was shifted on her body so it was longer on one side.

Just by the look on her face and the pleading in her eyes, you found yourself folding to your two and a half year’s wishes. Shaking your head while laughing, you fixed the lopsided onsie so it was on her body correctly and flipped up the hood, watching as her eyes lit up. With an enormous grin on her face, she let you put her coat on over her onesie, and that grin only widened when you pulled out her red Flash sneakers that had little wings attached to them.

“Gotta complete the look, right?” You explained as you tucked her feet into them. With her shoes and coat on, her flash stuffed toy in hand, and your backpack slung across your back, you picked her up and carried her out of the apartment.

“…above all, I need you to listen to the adults, okay?” You spoke  from where you were kneeling in front of her. “No touching things that aren’t yours or we might not be invited back.”

Y/D/N nodded at you in all seriousness, and despite the seriousness of the conversation, it was hard to keep a strait face while she was dressed so adorably. Looking up at the building, you silently wondered how your team mates would react once they found out that you, a single woman not in a relationship, had a daughter. Your life outside the team was private, you had never really talked about it because, well, single mothers didn’t usually have a good reputation. That was going to change today and you only hoped that your friends would take kindly to Y/D/N.

Taking your daughter’s tiny hand in yours, you walked towards the entrance, wondering what you were going to say when the team set their eyes on the little girl next to you dressed as the flash. When people saw her, their hearts melted she was that adorable, but would the team be mad at you because you had never told them about her? You were about to find out.

Entering the building, Y/D/N started skipping along side you, kicking her light up flash sneakers. The lights flickered off the walls of the lab and as you neared the cortex, you heard a heated conversation between Cisco and Caitlin regarding the design of Barry’s suit and the sensors within it.

“I’m telling you, it will look ridiculously cool and help with Barry’s aerodynamics.” Cisco’s voice rang out.

“That’s absurd, Cisco, his suit needs to be affective, not aesthetically pleasing.” Caitlin argued back as you and your daughter emerged from the hall. Caitlin and Cisco were standing head to head, both with sour faces.

“Aesthetics is part of the package,” Cisco insisted. Caitlin snorted and shook her head, then she caught sight of you. You waved at her as her eyes went wide and next to you, your daughter tugged on your coat.

“Mama, who are they?” She whispered, hiding behind you but poking her hooded head out from behind your legs.

“These are my friends,” You explained, lifting your eyes from your daughter to your friends. “This is Cisco and Caitlin.”

“Oh my God that’s a tiny child,” Cisco eked out with strained tone. “Why do you have a tiny child, Y/N?”

Caitlin gave Cisco a look before stepping forwards and bending down.

“Hi, my name is Caitlin. What’s your name?” Caitlin asked. Your daughter edged a little further out from behind you and kept her eyes on the floor.

“I’m Y/D/N,” She said shyly, still hugging your leg. You cleared your throat.

“Y/D/N’s daycare is closed today,” You explained, looking down at your daughter.

“I’m still trying to process the fact that you have a kid,” Cisco said, his voice high. As you were snorting, your daughter let out a dramatic gasp and darted forwards.

“Y/D/N!” You exclaimed as she moved her feet across the cortex to body slam the glass screen that covered Barry’s suit when he wasn’t using it. She pressed her face against the glass, her body practically vibrating.

“Mommy, mommy! Look, it’s the Flash!” She gasped, only briefly glancing back at you for a moment before gluing her eyes back on Barry’s suit.

“That’s not the Flash, baby,” You spoke up, hurrying forwards. “That’s just his suit, you know, like how you have your suit?”

“OMG, she’s exactly like a mini Y/N.” Cisco whispered from behind you. You shot a dirty look over your shoulder at Cisco taking a dig at your mostly hidden love for Barry. Well, a lot of people knew you loved Barry, but you know, Barry wasn’t exactly the most observant of people when it came to the romantic feelings of others. Besides, you had your daughter to look after, your feelings for Barry would always come second to her. In addition, how could you ever compete with Barry’s first love, Iris? While Y/D/N continued to fawn and preen over Barry’s suit, you took a step back and rubbed your forehead.

“You look exhausted,” Caitlin commented, walking over to where you stood. You looked at her and shook your head.

“I’m a single mother of a child that seems to have an unlimited amount of energy through the day.” You told her. “Half the time I am watching I spend chasing after her and the other half I spend searching for her. She doesn’t give me a break.”

“You could always put a tracking device on her,” Cisco chipped in as he walked over with his hands stuffed in his pockets. Your head was snapping to his faster than a mother hearing her child talk back.

“You want me to put a tracking device on my daughter!?” You hissed under your breath. Cisco held up his hands.

“I’m just saying,” He said in his defense. “You’d always know where she is.”

Sighing out in frustration, you ran hand over your head and looked back at your daughter fawning over the various Flash paraphernalia scattered around the cortex. She was having the time of her life.

“I don’t want to become a helicopter mom,” You sighed softly. Caitlin cocked her head to the side and gave you a shrug.

“You are a mom, I think you are entitled of being a helicopter mom at this age. Toddlers get themselves into the strangest of situations.” Caitlin told you before you both looked to where your daughter had been standing. She was gone.

“Snicker doodles,” You cursed, your head swiveling around in search of your daughter. “This happens every time!” Trying not to panic, you began searching for your child with Caitlin and Cisco’s help.

“I think that tracking device would be helpful right about now…” Cisco spoke as you poked your head into the nearest bathroom. She wasn’t there.

“Not the time, Cisco!” You uttered out, feeling like a bobble head with how much your head was snapping around trying to find your naughty daughter. “Y/D/N!”

“I’m sure she couldn’t have gone far,” Caitlin spoke up, going to the cortex desk and pulling up the security cameras. Just as you looked at the possible hallways Y/D/N could have wandered down… you heard a squeal of laughter coming from the labs. The three of you hurried in the direction of the labs. You hurried to the labs and upon emerging into the spacious room, you stopped short.

HR had your daughter perched on his hip while he stood in front of a white board, and your daughter was currently drawing all over the board with what you only hoped, was a dry erase marker.

“Oh thank God,” You sighed out, putting your hands on your knees and breathing out a breath in relief. You literally felt like you had lost a few years off your life, loosing Y/D/N is the labs. “Y/D/N!”

At your sharp call, Y/D/N’s head snapped around and HR looked your way.

“This little precious Flash wandered in here!” HR happily explained as you marched up to him with a frown on your lips.

“Y/D/N Y/L/N,” You started. “What did I tell you about wandering off!?”

Her lip wobbled as her face fell, she knew she shouldn’t have run off on you. You let out a sigh at her face.

“You make me worry so much when you do that. If you want to go somewhere, you need to tell me first, okay?” You said as you walked up to HR and made sure you had eye contact with your daughter.

“Sorry,” Y/D/N whispered out, slumping against HR’s shoulder. She knew she had done something wrong, and that was all you needed out of her, to recognize that what she had done was wrong. So softening your face, you let your eyes lift to HR.

“I see you made a friend?” That had her perking up and a smile starting to grow on her face. Her little face beamed up at HR and she started kicking her feet in happiness.

“HR! HR!” She chanted, her little fist gripping his shirt. HR beamed back at her and tickled her side, making more squeals of laughter erupt from her lips.

“Mystery case of where Y/D/N went is solved, I’m gonna go work on that tracking device.” Cisco said, placing a hand on your shoulder as he passed you. You didn’t have the constitution at this point to tell him otherwise.

“HR, do you mind watching Y/D/N for a little while? I need to get some work done.” You softly asked while Y/D/N went back to dragging the hopefully dry erase marker, across the white board. This time HR was beaming at you and gave you a thumbs up.

“Me and the little one can spend hours drawing!” HR said excitedly, true excitement glowing within his blue eyes. You felt better about leaving her in his hands, after all you knew that Y/D/N already seemed to adore HR and he her.

“I owe you one,” You told him before back away and leaving the two to play with the whiteboard.

The day had gone wickedly fast, much to your surprise. HR had kept Y/D/N so entertained you were sure that the two were best friends by the end of your work day. Between drawing on the whiteboard, HR reading one of his novels to her, and the finger painting session, you were convinced HR was a God at babysitting. That or he had a natural disposition with children. Either way, the pair adored each other and you dreaded the moment you had to separate them.

Work ended for you and you were shifting into team flash mode. Barry had arrived for patrol for the night and had yet to cross paths with HR and your daughter, so that conversation hadn’t happened yet. The night kept everyone busy and at some point, Y/D/N had passed out while being carried around by HR, and he hadn’t bothered to put her down. So drool was slowly collecting on his shoulder. HR hardly seemed to care, or notice that he was still carrying her around. Looks like you found yourself a potential babysitter.

You got into helping Barry navigate the streets of Central City as Cisco monitored the police channels. There wasn’t much going on tonight, mostly just a few burgleries, one fire, and a cat stuck in a tree that had already scratched three firemen trying to get it down. Barry had manged it, but he had earned himself a nice set of scratches on his cheek. It was a good thing he healed fast or his coworkers would have questions in the morning.

You were clicking through a few feeds of security camera’s when Barry blew in, done with patrolling for the night. You looked up at his cheek as he pulled down his cowl and frowned.

“That cat did a doozy on you, Barry,” You spoke. Barry let out a snort at your words and walked over to where you sat at the cortex’s curve desk.

“First time I’ve dealt with resistance during a rescue.” Barry spoke, his fingers brushing over the healing scratches. “How’s your night been? Cisco said you had to work here today?”

And there is it… how exactly did you go about talking about this? How did you tell Barry that you had been hiding your daughter away from the team since the moment you found out you were pregnant? As it turned out, you didn’t have to say anything. 

HR came walking into the cortex, your daughter still drooling away fast asleep on his shoulder, while twirling one of his drumsticks in his free hand. Barry spared him a glance and then did a double take, his brows pinching together as his mind worked over the fact that HR was carrying a child.

“B.A.!” HR exclaimed. “You’re back! How was your night?”

HR happily walked over, oblivious to Barry’s gawking, as he was his usual cheerful self. You watched as Barry’s eyes ran over your daughters form, dressed in her flash onesie, which was now dirty. It didn’t take a genius to figure out who she belonged to… she was after all, a spitting image of you. HR stuffed his drumstick in his back pocket and began patting Y/D/N’s back as he hummed and went to talk to Cisco.

Your eyes dropped to your lap as Barry turned back around to face you.

“Y/N?” Barry asked, his voice still soft. You pursed your lips and hesitantly raised your eyes to meet his in trepidation. “I— I didn’t realize you had a daughter…”

You cleared your throat, feeling your cheeks warm in shame.

“Yes, well, I’m not exactly proud to be a single mother.” You murmured softly. “Her daycare is closed today and I needed help watching her… she’s a handful since she never stops running around until she’s passed out from exhaustion.”

Barry’s face softened and he let out a breath through his nose.

“Nonstop the whole day? Sounds like she’s got a serious case of the zoomies.” He chuckled. You joined in and rubbed your tired eyes.

“Yes, well, she also idolizes the Flash. I think she’s trying to get as fast as him.” You reply, glancing at your daughter passed out on HR’s shoulder. “She’s obsessed with that onesie.”

“She’s cute,” Barry commented before studying you closer. “You know, Y/N, we wouldn’t have judged you for being a single mother.”

“I know, it’s my pride,” You admitted. “As a single mother I think I’m trying to prove that I am capable of providing for her the way she needs.”

“You don’t need to do that alone,” Barry told you, giving you one of his heart stopping smiles. “We’re here for you, just like you’ve always been here for us. Next time you need help just call me.”

“Barry, I can’t ask that of you. Not when you are dealing with your own issues and Iris…” You told him. Barry shook his head at you.

“Iris and I broke up a while ago, we just don’t seem to work.” He explained, rolling his head to the side. “We— it’s probably not ever going to work, I thought I loved her for so many years. I’ve been ignorant to those around me.”

You shrugged at him.

“You were in love, Barry.” He scratched the back of his head.

“Was I?” Barry asked, his eyes momentarily distant. “Look, Y/N, I know if this sounds weird, but do you want to go out some time? I feel like I’ve never really known you and I want to know you better.”

You stared at Barry, your cheeks warming. Barry must have seen something on your face because he was turning a shade of pink and scrambling for words.

“I know you’re busy with Y/D/N and all, but I also want to get to know her too, she’s important in your life. Probably the most important thing actually, I mean, she already likes the Flash? You think I have a chance at getting her to like me?” You started laughing at Barry’s word scramble.

“Barry, I’m pretty sure she’ll like you the way you are, no Flash needed to convince her.” You told him. Barry’s face turned bright once more.

“Great! Because there is this Flash day event involving kids, there’s support to be a bunch of little kid activities she might like and since she already likes the Flash…”

“She’ll love that.” You spoke, cocking your head at your sleeping daughter. “She eats, sleeps, and breathes, all things Flash.”

“Great! I’ll text you the details when I get home,” Barry said with a glowing smile before the two of you looked back over to HR who was still patting Y/D/N on the back. He really didn��t seem to even know he was doing it. “He’s a natural with kids, isn’t he.”

“Surprising, isn’t it.” You said with a tired sigh. “But those two sure seem to adore each other.”

Date Published: 6/30/22

Last Edit: 5/1/23

Barry Allen Masterlist

[have-you-seen-my-sanity]

I was wondering how would the Professor Grant roleplay go between Steven and the reader

Maybe some spanking because the reader failing in his class 😈

I love your writings btw ❤

Anony, my heart is melting!❤️🥹

Your wish is my command!

Note: I'm so goddamn sorry for the (far too) late post, work was getting in the way :(

A+ is the way it's supposed to be

Steven Grant x fem!reader

Warnings: Smut, soft dom!Steven, p in v, spanking, riding. (Lmk if I forgot some)

You and Steven decided to do a little 'Professor Grant' roleplay at your place.

Your Professor, Mr. Grant scheduled a personal tutoring to boost your grades up. It's already afternoon, Mr. Grant would be there soon, so you cleaned up and got your stuff for the tutoring ready. Mr. Grant had given you 'homework' to get ready. Of course you were studying a little bit. But right after that you got a little lazy and decided to get the rest, or atleast some of it from replaying Assassin's Creed Origins. After all, aquiring information from playing games is far more interesting than doing it by studying, right? So you thought...

20 minutes later your doorbell rang. You straightened your clothes and headed for the door before opening, revealing ideed Mr. Grant, wearing his typical blueish jacket and vintage shirt.

"Hello. Are you prepared for our tutoring?" He greeted with a sweet smile.

You stepped aside to let him enter, "Yes, I...I did." You nodded with a slight nervousness in your tone.

Steven went to your living room, sitting down on the couch and got his bag ready. Meanwhile you got him a glass of water before joining him, sitting down next to him on the couch.

"So? Are you ready? I will ask you some questions first." He informed.

He waited for you to agree before continuing. "First question, who was the first Egyptian god?"

You paused, brows furrowing a bit as you thought about the answer. A moment after, you looked up at Steven, "A-Anubis?" you tried your luck.

Steven shook his head and gave a weak smile, "Wrong. It was Atum. Next question: Who built the Pyramids?"

Please don't say aliens, please don't say aliens...

"Humans- I mean the Egyptians." You stuttered slightly.

Steven smiled, clapping his hands together, "See? I knew you could do it! But that was an easy one."

Steven opened his bag, pulling out some exams he made, handing them to you. "I give you thirty minutes to finish. And since you must have done your homework, you'll answer atleast most of them correctly, yeah?"

The exams were kind of hard for you mostly, given how you didn't study and prepared yourself. What was the name of the bird like god again? Horus?

Which god punishes people before they even get the chance to do something bad? Must have been Osiris, right? Right?!

What animal is Ammit again??

The amount of blackouts you had was high, you were playing around with the pen in your hand, biting your lip nervously.

Soon enough your time was up and Steven collected it for a look over. You stood infront of him, nervously playing with your hands knowing you did miserably. Steven, who sat on your couch looked up at you, gently taking off his glasses, setting it down.

"Did you do your homework?" He asked calmy with the slightest hint of disappointment in his voice.

"I was trying to help myself..." You gulped.

"Help yourself? Ohh, did you play that stupid video game where you run around in Egypt as an Assassin?" Came his reply.

"Yes." You nodded embarrassed.

Steven sighed, "Y'see, as your Professor it is my job to ensure you do well. I gave you all the necessary information you needed." Steven placed a hand on your shoulder, "But if you refuse to do what you're told, I am allowed to punish you. Normally I'd give you a second chance but..." he sighed dramatically, "seeing your latest results, I'm afraid I have no other option as to punish you." Steven gave your shoulder a gentle squeeze, before his hand travelled down your back, stopping just above your butt.

"How 'bout a little spanking?" He asked softly, his hand going to your butt now to give it a squeeze. "Bend over my knee, please."

You obeyed, planting yourself on your stomach on his knees as Steven pulled your pants down just enough to reveal your panties.

"But please be gentle." You asked.

"The punishment will be reflected on your lazieness." Steven answered, smacking your ass gently. Then after a moment of silence, another spank came, this time harder, making you moan in surprise.

Steven noticed and smiled down at you, "Did you just moan?" Steven squeezed your ass again, causing you to squirm slightly.

Steven leaned down closer to you, "Don't tell me you actually like getting your ass spanked by your Professor."

Another spank, another moan-like gasp from you.

"Oh-ho, you're quite naughty, ain't ya' darling? A lazy student likes getting her naughty butt spanked by her Professor." Steven gave your buttcheek a soft pinch, making you squirm again.

Then his hand came down again, already causing his red handprint to show. This time the spank caused you to accidentally grind your hips against his thigh. In response, Steven rubbed his hand aginst the red handprint on your skin to soothe it.

"Aww, darlin' did you like that?" Steven teased, his hand suddenly going down to rub your core through your panties, already finding them wet.

"Mr. Gr--" You gasped.

"Gotta admit, seeing how you respond to this is quite arousing to say the least." Steven kept rubbing, feeling how you got wetter by every second. Steven then proceeded to slide your pants down your legs and tossing them away.

"God, you're such a naughty girl." Steven pulled your panties down, exposing your lower half to him. But then he removed his hand, making you mewl at the loss.

"I'm sorry Mr. Grant." You pouted, turning your head to look up at him.

Steven sneered, "You're sorry? Alright fine, if you promise to take your time to study from now on I will continue, you hear me?"

You nodded eagerly, "Yes sir."

"Good. Now get up and on my lap." He beckoned with his finger.

You wasted no time, getting up and straddling him.

"There's my good girl." He leaned in and kissed your forehead. Then Steven undid his pants, pulling his hard cock out. "And now ride me, show me you're not lazy."

You raised, planting your wet hole on his thick cock before slowly lowering, letting out soft moans along the way until he was sheathed inside you.

"Yeah that's it." Steven sighed in pleasure.

Steven moved his hands on your ass, squeezing them firmly as you started riding him. Your moans making his hips move.

"I thought you wanted me to do all the work." You teased.

Steven chuckled, his hips stopping "Watch it before I will make you really do all the work." He scolded teasingly.

His hips started moving upwards again, meeting yours. You threw your head back as the pace increased. Steven's grunts were easily overtoned by your needy moans. Steven felt you being so slippery down there.

"I'm starting to think you love your Professor's cock, hm?" He panted, his pace never decreasing.

"Yes." You whined, feeling your orgasm built up.

Steven felt you tightening around him, his thrusts becoming harder.

A few moments after, you couldn't handle it any longer, clamping down on him, squeezing his cock for all it's worth with a loud moan following. Steven came seconds after you, filling you up with his warm cum.

You both just sat there for a moment to catch your breaths, your head resting on his shoulder.

"That was quite intense, love." Steven broke the silence.

You giggled, "Hell yeah." You then lifted yourself off his lap to sit beside him on the couch while Steven put his now soft cock back inside his pants.

"But you should really consider becoming a Professor." You nudged him playfully.

Steven gave you a dirty look, "Don't give me ideas." He teased.

"Okay forget it, Jake and Marc would probably burn down the place after they get a headache from all the study stuff." You laughed.

Steven laughed too, "You're not wrong."

Steven spent the rest of the evening at your place, giving you tips on how to improve and tricks for best study techniques.

[so-long-soldier-writes]

The Agreement

kai parker x reader | requested by @chocolatepalacecloudhoagie back when i asked for fluffy prompts bc i was having a hard month

summary: helping kai adjust to a normal life has its ups and downs, but he, of course, always wins in the end.

tags: domesticity, adjusting to normal life, lots of comfort & cuddling, gemini coven lore, minor indirect mention of abortion where kai's being a dick, but he's mostly soft in this fic, bartender!kai, mentions of alcohol, minor bar fight, minor mention of assault, accidental murder, protective!kai, protective!damon, bonnie is kinda mean in this one, damon secretly wants to be friends with kai, angst & fluff ish

word count: ~9.9k

a/n: this is so cheesy and somewhat choppy but bare with me 😅

You, Damon, and Bonnie have made a deal. Neither will kill Kai, as long as you can help the witch settle into a new life in Mystic Falls. Those are the terms made, and boy, are they hard to get. 

“You can’t fix him, Y/N. He’s beyond fucked up,” Bonnie scoffs, “and I don’t want to be partly responsible if I were to make some crazy deal with you that goes wrong.”

“I just want him to try and have a normal life, Bon. He spent twenty years in an abusive household and another twenty years in isolation. He has no idea what normalcy is.”

“By the sound of that, he’s too far gone for you to even try.”

“Just give me a chance to work with him!”

“I don’t even like you being with him! He’s going to hurt you, and I don’t want that to happen to you.”

“I haven’t given him a reason to hurt me, Bon.”

“He doesn’t need a reason. He just does things.”

“Well, in that case, I’ve given him a reason not to hurt me. I’m the only one willing to try and help him adjust.”

“Y/N-”

“I see the point you’re making, Y/N,” Damon interrupts his best friend, “but are you really going to put all this work in for him? Seriously?”

“Yes! I don’t get why you guys are so against this. I’m helping you out; I’m giving you one less person to worry about that could raise hell in this town.”

“He already has-”

“Bonnie, please.”

“It would be easier to just kill him.”

“Bonnie!”

“Look at him! He’s plotting right now! No one is quiet for that long unless they’re plotting something.”

You sigh and turn to follow her gaze. Kai is sitting on a barstool, in the room of the boarding house that’s surrounded by windows, watching snow fall. 

“He’s just observing!”

“Sure he is.”

“And he’s probably trying to tune out this conversation, too. I’d be, if people were talking about me, and two of them wanted to kill me.”

Bonnie gives you a hard glare. 

“Four months,” Damon says suddenly.

“What?”

“You have four months to get him settled.”

“Don’t give me a deadline. It took you longer than four months to stop killing people when you got back to town. And the only reason you did is because Elena finally fell for you. But then every time she dumps you, you kill people again.”

“Thanks for the summary.”

“My point is, I might need longer than four months. I can start with the killing stuff first, teach him he can’t do that, but getting him on his feet might be some work.”

“Easy. Pull the chair out, he’ll figure it out.”

“Damon-”

“I know what you meant. Fine. Six months max. If he’s still (A) killing people, (B) in my house every time I come down for a cup of coffee, or (C) a complete and utter basket-case, by that time, then he’s,” Damon makes the gesture of a throat being slit, “done. No more killing, no more kidnapping, no more terrorizing. Got it?”

“Fine.” You roll your eyes at his insistent face. “Got it.”

“In return, I, nor Bonnie, will kill him unless you take longer or he goes off the rails.”

“You guys do you know you can’t kill him, right? If he dies, so does Jo, so does Liv. Alaric will never speak to you ever again.”

Damon hesitates, but Bonnie already seemed to have an answer to that prepared. “Don’t think I won’t toss him back into 1994, or make a new prison world entirely, if I need to.”

“Bonnie-”

“But if you think you have him under control, you don’t need to worry about that now, do you?”

You sigh, then look over to Kai. He’s still turned towards the window, but you don’t doubt he’s listening. “No, I don’t.” You straighten your posture. “And you won’t need to worry about him, either.”

“Alright, Ms. Confident,” Damon mocks, “guess we have a deal. You have six months to get that weasel somehow adjusted to real life, and we won’t kill him, or throw him in a prison world.”

“Nor will you antagonize him for fun, Damon, which I know you like to do.”

“I do not-”

“Mason Lockwood. John Gilbert. T-”

“Alright! Fine. Bonnie and I will stay out of your way while you work on your little project.”

“I’m going to prove to you he can be good. Just mind your own business while I do it.”

“Fine.”

“Deal?”

“Deal.”

Two minutes later, you gather Kai and hurry out the door.

“Did you hear all that?”

“Yeah. I’m on thin fucking ice.”

“Mhm.” You then grab his arm before he can slip on real ice right outside the boarding house. 

The pair gave you a rather strict set of rules to follow, and Kai’s surprised you didn’t give up on him just hearing the terms. He makes sure to thank you on your way to the Grill, where you’re headed for coffee. He hopes he sounds genuine, but still tends to struggle with that stuff sometimes. You, being the loving person you are, give him a smile and a kiss to the cheek in return. You then walk hand-in-hand to the restaurant, where you plan to carefully explain a few places you’ll help him start. 

Two coffees and a lava cake later, you catch his attention. 

“So, this is a bad example.”

“What do you mean?” He looks up at you, chocolate syrup dripping from the side of his lip. 

You reach out to wipe it off, then lick it off your own finger. Kai then wipes off the rest with his napkin, the little that you missed. He smiles at your lack of hesitancy to reach out to him. 

“It’s like, five o’clock-ish, and our dinner shouldn’t be dessert-”

“This is your influence. I fed myself properly when I was locked up.”

“Oh really?” You ask with a sarcastic tone.

“Yeah, actually, I did. And in fact, the first time I met you, you were in this very same seat, with Caroline, eating a lava cake.”

You narrow your eyes at him. “Fine.”

He smirks at his win. 

“So you cook. You need somewhere to do it.”

“Like?”

“An apartment, maybe?”

“I can just move in with you.”

You bite your lip. You love Kai, but you’ve only been dating for three months. Of course, he’s spent days and slept over before, but it might be too early for the ‘moving in together’ stage. “You could,” you start, “or we could find you an apartment close-by. So you can get a little bit of autonomy, figure things out for yourself. Have a place to get away, if you need.”

“I don’t think I’d need to get away from you,” he chuckles. 

“I certainly hope you won’t, but, I don’t know, I think it’ll be good for you to have your own place. Just for a little while.”

“Do you not want to live with me?”

“No, that’s not what I’m saying! I’d love to, but it might be just a little too early for that. And I really think you’d benefit from having your own space. I’ll help pay rent for the first few months. Well, unless you want to go to college? Live in a dorm?”

“At Whitmore?”

“Anywhere.”

“But you live here.”

“Yes.”

“And you’re not in college.”

“No.” You’re not sure where he’s taking this.

“I don’t want to be away from you. I don’t even want to live away from you.”

“You live away from me now.”

“That’s different. At least in the boarding house, there’s people.”

“People who have no qualms about killing you, Kai. What’s this actually about?”

“I don’t want to be alone!” He finally admits. A few people look over from the shout, but you wave them off. “I was alone for eighteen years, I can’t take it anymore!”

“Kai, there are other people in apartments, too.”

“But not in the same room! They’re all in locked doors. I’ve seen plenty of shows. Besides, what if the time away makes you not want to be with me anymore?”

“What?!” You ask, genuinely surprised. 

“You’re the only person that cares about me. What if space apart makes you not?”

“Baby, that’s not going to happen. I’m not going to stop loving you just because you move into an apartment.” You lower your voice, recognizing your conversation has an audience of three old men. “We’re apart now,” you repeat, “and I still love you. A couple minutes apart, even less time than our distance now, isn’t going to change that.”

“I still don’t want to be alone, Y/N.”

“Tell you what… we’ll find you one in the same building that I’m in, maybe even the same floor. We’ll be two minutes apart at most. You can come find me at any time; I’ll give you a key.” You reach out to take his hand. “When we’re dating for longer, we can talk about moving in together, but for now, I really want you to try living on your own. Please? We have to prove to Damon and Bon that you can, or you know what they’ll do. Do it for me, so I can keep you safe, okay?”

Kai bites his lip. “Okay. Same floor.”

“I think the woman across the hall is moving out anyway.”

He nods. 

“Besides, I don’t want you too far from me, either.” You wink. “Who else is going to cook for me?”

He smiles at your first comment, but at the second, pushes your hand playfully. “See, you admit I can cook.”

“Never said you couldn’t!” You pause. “So that’s a definite ‘no’ on the college thing?”

He nods. “First of all, you wouldn’t be there. Second, I don’t care for the college experience that’s so hyped up in movies. Third, I’ve read thousands of books while being locked up. If I wanted to study one thing really intently, I either already have, or I would’ve.”

“Okay then.” Obviously, his mind is made up. “Sounds good.”

You both eat a few more bites of the cake, then he crinkles his nose. “I know you’re gonna say it sooner or later, so I might as well ask now… are you gonna make me get a job?”

The cynical look on his face makes you want to laugh, but you manage to hold it in. “Yep.”

“Crap.”

“It doesn’t have to be something crazy. Hell, you could work here. Be a bartender or something.”

“Do I have to work with people?”

“I thought you just said you want to be around people?”

“Not stupid people, though. Y’know, like the what-you-call-Karen types that would make me want to wring their neck.”

You chuckle. “Baby, that’s a type of person difficult to avoid. Any job is gonna have its fair share of annoying people. Unless you deliver mail, or something.”

“What’s that require?” 

“Valid driver’s license.”

“I have one of those.”

“Valid?”

“Made it myself, but it got me through airport security.”

You sigh. “Can you drive?”

“Yes. Taught myself.”

“Would you pass a test?”

“I don’t know. But I drove BonBon from Mystic Falls to Portland without killing her.”

“Lower your voice when you say stuff like that!” You warn again, waving off a man. 

Kai seems to ignore you. “Though half of that trip, we did fly…”

“You flew a plane?”

“Had eighteen years to learn!”

“Okay. Let’s get off this topic. You spend so much time in this grill, it might be a good place to start. As long as you show up, do your best, and don’t,” you lower your own voice, “spike people’s drinks for fun-”

“I would never!” He fakes offense.

“-I think you’d be good.”

The boy takes a sip of his coffee. “Fine. Just for you, I’ll try it.”

“Great! I’ll talk to Matt.”

“Ugh.”

“And don’t mention that you killed the manager, because they never found out who did that.”

“Noted.”

“And he’s besties with the Sheriff.”

“Great. You don’t want me to work here for an extra set of eyes on me, do you?”

“No, ‘course not. You’re my sole responsibility, I don’t want Matt involved at all. I just think you’d be a good bartender.”

“Okay.”

“And you like it here, so you might be more comfortable here.”

“What are the odds you could work here, too?”

“I have a job.”

“You could quit it and work here.”

“Kai…”

“Fine. Talk to Matt.”

“Okay.” You stand up to find the other boy. “Stay here.” You kiss his head as you pass him, then head to the bar. 

Kai stares into his coffee while you wait by the bar. He likes the Grill, but doesn’t know about working in it. The customers around him are often annoying, and he doubts his ability to remain patient with them. Still, you made a deal to keep him safe, and if his two little prison world friends are going to uphold their end, the two of you have to keep yours. He sighs, then turns to find you. You’ve caught hold of Matt, but as you seem to explain the situation, he rolls his eyes. Kai bites his lip. He has to make this work, for you, even if he doubts his own ability to fit into the world.

As you turn to look at him, he looks away abruptly. A minute later, you return to your seat. 

“How’d it go?”

“He’s gonna give you a chance… on one condition.”

“Which is?”

“If I’ll work here, too.”

The boy’s eyes light up. “Really? I thought you said I should do it myself.”

“Well then scratch that. It’ll be more fun together anyway.”

Kai smiles before growing serious again. “So apartment, job… anything else to cover?”

You’re quiet for a moment. There’s a lot more to cover, but you’ve just tackled two of the biggest factors when it comes to normalcy, and you don’t want to overload the poor boy. So instead of bringing anything else up, you shrug. “We can tackle it later. For now, let’s finish this cake.”

Grateful, he nods. He knows, not only from Bonnie and Damon, that there’s a lot more expected of him than just housing and working. He’s lucky he has someone that understands that. “Okay.”

“Okay,” you reply back. 

*****

For the next couple nights, Kai stays with you until you can secure a room for him in your apartment complex. Turns out Ms. Mary White had moved out just recently - wanted to find a complex with fewer stairs - and Kai would be able to move in by the end of the week. 

Of course, that process doesn’t come without its own issues. A key piece of information required for renting an apartment is proof of one’s identity. When Kai is asked to present his, he stares blankly at your landlord. 

“Uh, I think my father has it in the attic of my childhood home.”

“Well can you call him?”

“He probably burned it,” Kai mutters.

Your landlord’s eyes quickly widen at the same time yours do. Your boyfriend’s blunt honesty is quite fatal for the situation; your landlord does not need to know about his abusive childhood, nor the crimes Kai had committed over twenty years ago. One Google search could quite possibly open a whole can of worms you aren’t ready to contain. 

In the following two seconds after that, you dial Caroline’s number. 

Luckily, the vampire comes to your aid. She compels the man into forgetting both the conversation, and his need for any proof of identity. She seals his spot in the apartment, and simultaneously, in his new life. 

As Caroline then helps the two of you settle in, Kai catches her attention. 

“Why did you help me?”

The blonde faces him. “Well… for one, Y/N cares about you. If she sees good in you, and the ability to change, to be better, then I trust her. Two, I do owe you for helping my mom. She’s healing, slowly, ever since you siphoned the vampire’s blood out of her system, and I never fully thanked you for that. And third… I know someone like you. Someone who came to Mystic Falls, and wrecked absolute havoc, but for some reason, he had a soft spot for me. I was used in all of the plans they would make to distract or ‘neutralize’ him, and with time, it worked. He got better. He’s an ally now. A friend, even.”

“So Y/N is like you, and he’s kinda like me. You see that happening? You can see me getting better?”

“Klaus did.”

Kai swallows. It means a lot to hear someone other than Y/N have faith in him. “Thank you.”

“All I’m saying is prove them wrong. Damon’s an ass sometimes. And remember, he was the villain too, a while back.”

“I heard some stories from them back in the prison world.”

“Well they probably didn’t even cover half the stuff he did. Trust me, Damon has no room to judge.”

Kai nods. 

“Text me if you guys need help with anything else. Kai, good luck. Treat Y/N well.” With a smile, she’s gone. 

“Klaus,” Kai repeats.

“You’re not half as bad as Klaus,” you inform him, “killing-wise, I mean. That thing is a thousand years old and has killed probably five times more people than his age.”

“She said he got better.”

“He did. Still kills, obviously, but he is a friend to us now.”

He nods again, processing the information without replying. 

You spend the rest of the evening settling him in with the little stuff he has. Most of his belongings are clothes, and whatever else is either from 1994 or stolen somewhere along the way. You have some extra furniture in your apartment, and earlier that day, bought him a comforter. It’s enough to live, and he seems fine with it. Besides, you both know he’ll be in your apartment most of the time, anyway. 

*****

A couple days after that, you start your new jobs at The Grill. You’re only part time, considering you’re already a dedicated employee elsewhere, and Matt’s fine with that as long as you “watch him” at least most of the time. The boy is clearly not excited about the reformed serial killer joining his work team, but at the same time, Matt’s not one to turn down anyone looking for a fresh start. 

At first, he keeps Kai in the back, away from people. A smart move while he still adjusts. He’s mostly tasked with filling drink orders and cleaning up, and only after he’s been working in the restaurant environment for a week is he actually allowed to hand people their orders. So far, he’s incident-free, but you can tell Matt is just waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

His heart almost stops the day he sees Damon enter on a day he has Kai serving drinks.

Matt rushes to the back, trying to find you to take over before the vampire can saunter over to the bar. 

“Bourbon. Neat.” Damon says to no one in particular. 

Kai swallows hard at the sound of the man’s voice, but then stands up to pour him the drink. As he passes the glass to him, Damon’s attention turns from the distant game of billiards to the unidentified bartender. 

“Oh.” He blinks in surprise. “It’s you.”

“Yep, I am working here now.” Kai enunciates every word, still in disbelief that he does. 

“Gotta say I’m shocked. Had any urges to kill anyone yet?”

“No, it’s been mostly tame. There was one lady the other day who was so drunk, she fell out of her chair, but that was more amusing than anything else.”

Damon snorts. Part of him wishes he could have witnessed that, but he’ll be damned if he admits that to Kai. “And her inconsiderate ways didn’t have you tempted to toss a glass at her head? Maybe you are improving.”

Kai bites his tongue. He knows Damon’s just trying to get under his skin, and the bar is too busy for him to react. Besides, one wrong move and the vampire will call off their deal.

Luckily, a heartbeat later, you pop around the corner from the kitchen.

“Hey, how’s it going?”

“Your little pet served a drink.” He takes a sip. “Ten points to Slytherin for getting my order correct.”

“Be nice, Damon. I’ve never seen you attempt to get a job.”

“Why would I need a job? I’m a vampire, if you haven’t forgotten. I don’t need money, and I don’t need to buy food-”

“Because you just eat people? Right. And you do buy food, let me remind you, and drinks, on a daily basis, which requires money. But since your nephew - whom you killed - was rich, you don’t need to work for anything. So no, you don’t need a job, but if you were born into a less rich family, you’d certainly need to, to support your hobbies.”

“Touché.” 

You shrug. “I’m just sayin’.”

Damon glares at you, sips the rest down in one gulp, then spins the glass back to Kai. “Refill.”

Knowing you’ve won, you give your boyfriend a kiss to the cheek as he pours another glass. You’re halfway back to the kitchen when Damon clears his throat,

“I could report you for PDA.”

“Try me.”

He doesn’t. 

That night, you praise your boyfriend for keeping his cool under the unexpected presence of Damon. Truth be told, you hadn’t even considered the man’s frequency at the restaurant when you spoke out for Kai to work there; you only thought about where he’d be most comfortable. Kai admitted he started pushing buttons, but your interference diffused the situation immediately. You give him a kiss, then snuggle into his chest, legs over his as you sit in his lap. Kai grabs you before you can get too comfortable, turning your cuddling into a make-out session. Unlike his shift at the bar earlier, things escalate pretty quickly. 

*****

Weeks pass of coaxing Kai into a normal life. He’s doing well despite the cards handed to him, and you’re sure to tell him how proud you are each night. There have been a few instances where he’s yelled at customers who’ve yelled at him, and then he had to muster up an apology to them. On two occasions, you’ve traded places with him, seeing either Damon or a crowd of college kids approaching the bar. But though he’s had a few mistakes, he’s received compliments, too. 

One woman, a regular, and very picky about her cocktails, told him she’s impressed with his ability, especially given his age, and that he makes some of the best drinks she’s had. She always leaves a good tip, and has made sure to tell the manager what she said to him. 

Kai only gave a dimpled smile and a polite, “thank you,” and decided not to tell her he’s actually in his forties, and had nothing better to do for eighteen years than craft cocktails. 

“See,” you then said to him, “I knew you’d be a good bartender. I didn’t even know you could make cocktails.”

“I couldn’t tell if she was hitting on me by the end of the night,” is all he replies. 

You scrunch your eyebrows, but then widen your eyes at the fifty percent tip. “Yeah, maybe just a little.”

*****

As much progress as he’s made, he’s not done yet. Kai’s had about three months of getting on his feet, and now he has to address a big issue that both of you have been avoiding. On a calm night neither of you had work, you decide it’s now or never to bring it up. 

So, laying across his lap again, you fiddle with the ring on his finger as a show you’re half-watching runs in the background. Tension builds in your shoulders as you try to form a good question. Within minutes, he can tell something’s up with you. 

“What?”

“I have something to say, but you’re not gonna like it.”

“Spill.”

“So… You’ve fought hard against the fate chosen for you by your father. He didn’t think you were capable of leading the coven, so he cast you out. Made you feel like you were less of a person; of a witch, because of the way you were born.”

“Point?”

“Against all odds, you came out on top. You broke down the barriers, literally and physically, and became the leader. Now,” you pause, “you gotta lead.”

Kai swallows as if he hadn’t anticipated this aspect of his choices. That, or he never expected to get this far, and therefore, never thought about any way he’d do it. “I am,” he finally says.

“How?” 

“I’m alive, aren’t I?”

“You’re telling me your father never had any specific duties he’d have to perform as leader? No responsibilities? No expectations? Nothing?”

“He had to find a wife and have a set of twins.”

“Kai-”

“I know what you mean,” he sighs. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to lead a coven! What the hell do they do? Do I have to feed them? Give them water?”

“They’re not plants, Kai. Th-”

“I know!” He pauses the TV, but luckily doesn’t try to get off the couch. “But I don’t know how I’m supposed to do that myself. I saw my dad do some of it; he’d go to meetings, and set the standards, and was there to congratulate every stupid baby ever born-”

“Kai,” you warn. 

“Sorry. I just… they hate me. How am I supposed to lead them when they hate me, and frankly, I hate them, too.”

“You’re just gonna have to do your best. Don’t do exactly what your father did, but use his leadership as a guideline - whether that's what to do or what to not do, that’s your choice. Try to co-exist with them, and follow whatever rules are absolutely required.”

He bites his cheek. “Will you help me?”

“Of course.” You kiss the side of his face he’s biting to make him let go. “I told you before, I’m always gonna be here for you. If that includes helping you make decisions in regards to your crazy coven, then so be it.”

*****

You’ve never seen anyone from his coven aside from his immediate family, so seeing more of the group that you’d ever anticipated was terrifying, to say the least. The whole plane trip across the country, you’re both having trouble sitting still. As he consumes mini pretzels at an abnormal rate, your tapping foot is probably peeving the passengers around you. Still, he tries his best to prepare you for what den of lions you’re about to face. 

“So… meetings are usually just comprised of “elders” and their wives, plus anybody else deemed important enough to attend, or anyone who has something important to share. The elders are the decision makers, and now that includes my dad - elderly, and a past leader.” You snort at his choice of word, but then remember Kai’s actual age and realize the man probably is elderly. “So he’ll certainly be there. Jakob’s had it out for me since day one. I’m assuming he’s still alive, and he’ll be filled with piss and vinegar to see me in person. Leon’s fine. He carries the siphon gene and hasn’t had children because of it. His great uncle is rotting in a prison world somewhere, and I only know that from reading the journals from when I was in ‘94. Patrice is… unimportant,” he says, not knowing what else to say about her. 

“Jeez… is anyone in your family actually pleasant?”

“My Aunt Maisie.”

“Oh, so one person.”

He nods. “She’s where Jo got ‘Laughlin’ from. You’d think if she was trying to hide from me, she wouldn’t pick the one name I’d immediately recognize.” He doesn’t say anything else on the matter, but there’s clearly more to it. You don’t push. His childhood isn’t something he wants to relive, and going to this meeting is doing exactly that. Instead, you change the topic.

“So I got us a hotel for the night, and a flight back the next morning. Partly because I know you don’t want to be here, and to be honest, I don’t want to be here, either. And, partly, because when you took off yesterday to prepare for this stupid thing, Matt texted and said Jenny missed your cocktails.”

The comment makes him smile. Even though the grill regular definitely flirts with him most nights, he’s come to enjoy her presence. 

“Though I told him you’d need tomorrow night off, too, because this is going to be mentally draining, on top of the plane trip that crosses several time zones. And maybe Saturday, also.”

“Thank you,” he says genuinely, relieved that you understand him in such a way. He leans over to kiss you five seconds before the plane hits turbulence. 

*****

On top of the four elders Kai mentioned, his father included, six others were also in attendance. Three were present when he was a kid, though Kai deemed them of lesser importance - they’d rarely speak, and usually only vote - and three had been elected sometime post-1994. He knows them from biannual gatherings and special occasions, but had never really spoken to them. And that reason is, of course, because he was rarely allowed out of his room for those occasions. 

When he first enters the room and meets their eyes, small chatter fades to complete silence. Breaths are held as they look the boy up and down. They stare at him, then at you, and a little at your clasped hands. One-by-one, they address him, all by his full name, making his eyes twitch. 

Joshua is the last of the elders to greet the new leader, being the most recent to join the council. He looks down disapprovingly before finally spitting a welcome. 

“Where’s A-” Joshua turns on his heels and walks away before Kai can ask the question.

His sister then stands before him. “Aunt Maisie passed away in ‘99.”

Kai’s throat dries. “Why are you here?”

“I’m carrying the next set of twins, of course I’d be here.”

You squeeze his hand, trying to comfort him. He bites back a reply, but you can feel the anger coursing through his body. 

Nothing important happens in the actual meeting. Jakob, as Kai predicted, shouts most of the time at no one in particular. Everyone knows he’s mad at Joshua, though, and you later learn that he originally wanted to kill the siphon boy at a mere eight years old. This time, Kai squeezes your hand to calm you. 

A couple minutes is spent talking about the future of the coven. Patrice points out that although Jo is pregnant, her husband isn’t the leader. Something in her tone hints that the leader’s girlfriend should be the one to be pregnant and to bear the next set, but she’s instantly overridden by everyone shushing her about not wanting to continue the siphon, nor Kai in particular’s, direct bloodline.

In summary, you and Kai flew all the way to Portland just to be annoyed for three hours. That night, you cuddled him on the hotel bed, massaging your hands through his hair. He put up a strong, confident front to prove his ability to lead, but melted the moment you coaxed him into your arms in the privacy of the room. He’s quiet for a long time, and you’re the one that finally breaks the silence. 

“I’m proud of you.” 

His shoulders relax but tone hardens. “Why?” He wants to believe you, but doubts himself so much that he can’t yet. 

“Because you stood up to them by coming here. You’re making an effort to prove your worth to them. Not like you should have to do that, but they’re a bunch of assholes who think you do. But regardless of that, too, it took a lot of strength to face the people who’ve done nothing but cause you pain. You handled both Jo’s and Jakob’s hostility well.”

He exhales, racing mind beginning to ease. “Thank you for coming with me.”

“Of course. Thank you for braving this step and showing them you’re more than capable to lead.”

“They’ll never think I am.”

“That doesn’t matter. They have no say in it; you’re already doing it.”

“For twenty-two years. Until whatever is germinating in my sister’s womb pops out.” 

You bite your cheek to keep from laughing. His back rests against your chest, though, and there’s no way he didn’t feel at least a chuckle. “Well then that means we have twenty-two years to figure out something else instead.”

“Pennyroyal tea?”

“No!” You say quickly, unsure if he’s joking or not. “I mean more like, I don’t know, whatever that one woman was saying.”

It takes him a moment, but then his eyes narrow. “You want to have twins?”

“Better me than Jo to have the set that will eventually take over. Even if I’m a couple years behind, they’ll have to accept the current leader’s set over his sister’s, right?”

Kai shrugs, having no idea. It sounds true, given what was hinted before the elder was shushed, but he doesn’t know. Regardless of the answer, he sighs. “You wouldn’t want that kind of tie to my coven.”

“I’m dating you, I kinda already have it.”

“Yeah, but that level of ‘in it’ is something you can’t get out of.”

“I’d do it for you.”

He swears his heart stops. You would marry into his coven and produce a set of in-line twins just for him. Kai is still trying to wrap his head around the fact that you’re dating him, not to mention you’d suffer a coven meeting for him, but to also go that far… just because you love him? He can’t process it.

He wonders… maybe, he misheard you. “Did you say-” When he turns to face you, he realizes you’ve fallen asleep. Your hands remain to hold him, though you’re no longer playing with his hair. He watches your breathing for a moment, still bewildered. At some point, though, his racing mind and tired eyes drive him to exhaustion, and he finally falls asleep in your arms. 

*****

Joshua’s presence at your terminal prevented you from never mentioning the conversation, as you were already late to catch your plane. The salt and pepper haired man had a few last, weak words for his son, as he tried to thank him for attending the meeting, but still shame him for winning the merge at the same time. When he made a spiral hand gesture in search of the right thing to say for the fifth time, you snapped your fingers to speed up the process, and finally then did he spit out something half-meaningful. You got on your plane with two minutes to spare and had, for the time being, completely forgotten about your earlier talk. 

*****

You’re nearing the fifth month mark in your agreement with Damon and Bonnie, but to be honest, you aren’t worried about it one bit. They have no reason to punish Kai; he’s done nothing but make good progress since the deal was made.

That is, until one night at The Mystic Grill goes horribly wrong. 

*****

A rather impatient series of knocks has you opening the door with your eyes rolling. 

“What now?” You swing it open, expecting the pizza man. The last time, the man was so terrified of the neighbor’s dog that was barking, he was quick to hand it over and leave, forgetting his tip in the process. “I promise, the dog isn’t getting out. He’s just-”

Instead, Damon stands on the other side. “What dog? I’m not-”

“No.” You try to close it, but he stops it with his foot. 

“Wait, Y/N.”

“What do you want?”

“Can’t just check up on a friend?”

“I still have time to work with Kai. And for your information, he’s doing great. We don’t need your commentary.”

“I’m just curious.” He tries to look past your shoulder into the room. “Where is the little weasel?” Unfortunately, he spots him on the couch and offers a wave. 

“He has his own place down the hall, we’re just having dinner together. Got a problem with it?”

“Kai Parker has his own apartment? Wow!”

“Shut up, Damon. And why are you really here?”

“Jo told Alaric, who told me, that Kai’s been going to coven meetings lately.”

“Yeah. So?”

“Just seeing if it’s true! So what made him go?”

“He’s the leader; he’s taking up the responsibility. Like a leader does.”

He scoffs. “No influence from you?”

“Of course I’m helping him, but I’m not making decisions for him.”

“Really? This apartment, a job at the grill, being there for his family, that’s not you telling him what to do?”

“If didn’t want to do it, he wouldn’t. I don’t know if you know him, but Kai doesn’t do anything unless he wants to. Sure I’m guiding him, but he has the ultimate say in all of these decisions.”

“Yeah, except if he doesn’t follow the rules, we’re gonna kill him.”

“If you can catch him,” you challenge, “because if Kai decides he doesn’t want this life, I’m prepared to run with him.” You watch Damon’s face before continuing. “But the thing is - he does. He does want to fit in, and he does want his life to have meaning, and he doesn’t want to waste it. Contrary to what you all think, he’s really trying to start something here.” Damon stares at you. “So I’d appreciate it if you’d butt out and go away.”

The man clicks his tongue, but then ultimately leaves. “See you later, Y/N.”

“I’m sorry you had to hear that,” you mutter, joining him on the couch.

“You didn’t mention the guy at the bar.”

“Didn’t seem relevant. Damon makes mistakes, too.”

“What if he finds out?”

“I won’t let him hurt you. You’ve been making such good progress; you’ve been a downright angel most of the time. One bar fight in my defense isn’t going to erase all that.”

“Y/N, I killed him. He’s going to send me back to a prison world. I can’t go back there.”

You take his shoulders gently and pull him down into your lap. “He’s not going to hurt you, Kai. I promise. Rest your little head, okay?”

He nods. “And you’re sure you’ll leave with me if it comes to that?”

After the incident, he had a meltdown, fearing for his life, and almost preparing for Bonnie to burst through the door and send him away. You promised that if she were to come for him, you’d abandon this life and run with him, even if that dissolves the terms of your agreement with the pair. You had then admitted, too, that if Kai decides he doesn’t adapt well to domestic life, even without the incident that had occurred, you’re prepared to leave with him. Damon knowing that little contingency plan probably wasn’t the best, but you doubt the man believes you anyway. 

“Of course. I promise.” You assure him. 

*****

At nearly midnight, one week later, you hear a banging across the hall. After a moment, you poke your head out and see Damon at your door.

“The fuck do you want?”

“I thought this was your door?”

“I’m with Kai.”

“Ooh, in his apartment?”

“Did you think I was lying?”

He shrugs. “A little.”

“What do you want, Damon?”

He comes up to you with a piece of paper in his hand. He reads, “obituary of forty-two year old Patrick Johnson. Died in a bar fight last week. Split his head against the countertop. No arrests have been made,” he looks up, “happened at the grill.”

“So?”

“Sound familiar?”

“No arrests have been made.”

“Well I didn’t do it. Stefan didn’t do it. It could’ve only been Enzo, or your little “reformed” sociopath in there, and I think we both know who’s to blame.” You roll your eyes. “It’s easier to just tell the truth, sweetheart.”

“So what if it was? What are you gonna do? You’re not invited in; you can’t touch him.”

“Just tell me what happened, Y/N.” He makes a push against the boundary, but it doesn’t budge. “Look, Bonnie hasn’t seen this yet. Just tell me, and I can make it go away.”

“Why would you do that?”

“The goodness of my heart?” You snort. “Come on, Y/N.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“I can go show this to her then,” he points his thumb in the other direction, “because I can promise you who she’ll point the first finger at, and considering Enzo’s been so busy sticking his nose in my brother’s business lately, odds aren’t in your favor.”

You hesitate. “Fine.”

Kai watches from the couch with bated breath. Damon gives him a little wave as he notices him. “Hello, Malachai.” You glare at the man, who then half-apologizes. “Sorry. Explain.”

 “There was a fight one night when we weren't working. Matt wasn’t working either. Kai had nothing to do with starting the fight, but unfortunately, we were sitting right in the middle of it. We got up to leave, but then some man grabbed me and reached down my shirt, and Kai lost his cool.”

“Details, please.”

“He pushed him into the bar but the man kept fighting back. He spit in Kai’s face and made attempts to pull at his clothes. All the while, yelling all this shit about what he wanted to do to me, screaming profanities. Made comments about other women, too, but when he specified that he had been watching me all night and was waiting for Kai to leave, Kai pushed his head down into the countertop. He still fought. After a couple of blows to the counter, we heard a crack. It wasn’t his fault, Damon, don’t hurt him, please.”

The man stares for a moment, then at Kai. “Y’know… I’m surprised you even made it this far. I had no faith in you.”

“Damon-”

“But, I have to say, I’m impressed by your progress. Y/N here wants you to be better, and clearly you love her enough to be better for her.”

“He’s doing it for himself, too, Damon. All he’s ever wanted is to be accepted, and-”

“Save the speech. I admire the progress you’ve made, and I’d honestly hate for all of Y/N’s hard work to go to waste. Now, Bonnie hasn’t seen this yet, and you’ve toned down your menacing almost one hundred percent, and I can agree that this incident isn’t your fault. So, if you promise not to repeat it, and don’t ever speak a word of this to Bonnie-”

“She doesn’t even talk to me anymore.”

“-we don’t have to let her know it happened. I’ll go Liz, clear your name from it. She can put the blame on someone else or claim it was an accident. Just tell me that you won’t let this happen again.”

Now you’re the one staring at Damon, wide-eyed with surprise. “I-I promise.”

Kai nods, agreeing. “I didn’t mean to get in a fight, and I certainly didn’t mean to kill him. I just couldn’t let it go and he wouldn’t stop.”

“I’d do the same if it were Elena. Hell, I’d do it for Y/N, too. What’s one less douchebag in this world?”

The boy half-smiles. “Hey, Damon?”

“What?”

“If Bonnie does find out, or if she has a suspicion, what do we do?”

He shrugs. “Tell her what you told me. He wouldn’t stop. It was an accident. You were protecting Y/N.” Damon looks at you. “I know you two used to be close, so even if she’s mad about it, she’ll understand. I won’t let her do anything in terms of the agreement, I’ll, as Elijah always says,” he says with a smirk, “keep my word. And hey, you might even win brownie points for defending her.”

“Thank you.”

“Just don’t let it happen again. Next time someone starts shit, call me to compel them away, or call Liz.”

“Okay,” you reply.

“Speaking of compulsion,” he adds, “how’d you get this apartment?” 

You’re quiet for a moment, then admit, “Caroline helped.” He laughs. “Don’t tell Bonnie.”

Damon puts his hands up as if to surrender. “Not a peep.”

“She said I remind her of someone named Klaus,” Kai offers. 

“Ah. Yes! Baby Klaus.”

You shake your head, offended. “Not at all!”

“I’m kidding!”

“You’re a jerk.”

“All kidding, sourpuss. Alright, off to Liz.”

“Thank you again.”

“Hm. Be good.”

The death was ruled an accident the next day. 

*****

Six months on the dot, Damon summons you and Bonnie back to the boarding house to rule if Kai can stay, or if Bonnie can boot him back to a prison world. The boy is nervous, despite you promising him he has nothing to fear. If anything, she should be the one anxious, upset she can’t go through with her little plan to trap him again. 

The two of you show up right on time, and to your surprise, Elena’s the one to open the door. 

“Hi,” she smiles. You two haven’t seen much of each other lately. Bonnie’s been adamant about her friends avoiding both you and The Grill, and many of their nights have been spent at the Scull Bar instead. 

“Hi,” you greet her back. Kai gives her a smile, too, but nervousness twitches at the tip of his lips. 

“I’ve been seeing the other Parker so much, it’s refreshing to see a different one,” she references Liv and her salty-ass attitude. “Hey, Damon’s said you make a mean cocktail. Put it to the test?”

Damon’s been keeping a secret eye on Kai and reporting everything back to his girlfriend. She wants to believe he’s changed, Caroline, too, and asks the question as a small way to test it. When he gives her a more confident smile and steps inside the house, she takes it as a good sign. 

You follow them inside. 

“Y/N!” Damon welcomes, arms open wide. He pulls you into an unexpected hug, but then whispers in your ear, “careful, she’s bitter.” The hug suddenly makes sense, and you thank him for the warning before hugging back. “And where’s the little weasel?”

“In the kitchen with Elena. She wanted a cocktail.”

“Ah. I may have told her he’s built up a little fanbase at The Grill. Jenny the Drunk is no longer his biggest tipper.”

“So I’ve heard. All the milfs want my man.”

“Well, he is closer in age to them than you.”

“Shut up.”

“Y/N,” Bonnie’s voice interrupts your banter. She smiles at you from afar, eyes clouded with mixed emotions. 

“Hi,” you reply with a similar tone. Not cold, but not exactly warm, either. “How’ve you been?”

“Okay. Been studying a lot. Been helping Jo with… I’ve been busy.”

You nod. “She’s close.”

“Yeah. You know?”

“She stopped coming to meetings.”

“Meetings…?”

“Coven meetings. They’re in Portland, so we have to fly, and she’d always be there, too.”

“You’ve been going to coven meetings?”

“Kai’s the leader, he kinda has to.”

She gulps, as if not expecting him to be so productive in the six month time span. Before she can say anything else, though, Caroline comes out of nowhere with a bright yellow cocktail and a bendy straw. 

“Mhm! You have to try these, they’re so good! Who’d think Kai could make such a good tropical drink? I wouldn’t until thirty seconds ago.”

You laugh. “Where’d the bendy straw come from?”

She shrugs. “Found them in the cupboard, probably Damon’s secret stash. Bonnie, you want to try?”

“No.”

“Okay.” She retreats back to the kitchen, promising she’ll bring you one. 

“Did he learn that skill at The Grill? Matt taught him?”

“He learned in the prison world. They only had to train him on the more modern drinks.” She doesn’t answer. “He’s really been trying. Not only trying, but doing really well.”

“What about-”

“Guys, come in here! Damon’s summoning you,” Caroline calls. 

You share one more glance and then follow her voice to the kitchen. 

“Decision-making time,” Damon announces, fighting with his tongue to find his straw. 

“Preferably before we get drunk,” his girlfriend agrees. 

Bonnie looks less than thrilled. “This agreement was made between Y/N, Damon, and I, and only the three of us will actually be making the decision.”

Her slight attitude makes the room silent. 

Caroline’s the first to speak up. “That’s fair, I guess.”

“Thank you, Caroline.” The girl looks back down at her drink. She made input to keep the peace, not to argue on the behalf of one side or the other. “Y/N?”

“Hm?”

“You mentioned Kai’s been going to Gemini meetings. Anything else he’s done?”

“Yeah, well, we started with the apartment, then the job. Felt like The Grill would be a good place since he was a regular, and that he’d be comfortable there. With time, I helped him ease into his coven role, and we go to Portland monthly for meetings. Nothing important ever really happens, they all just argue.”

“You mentioned you’ve seen Jo. She’s around eight months now. That hasn’t been a problem?”

“She wasn’t at the last meeting. Her father said he nor Rick wanted her flying. And no, it hasn’t been a problem.”

“He’s not worried about the next set of twins taking over in twenty years?”

“We’ve discussed it, but no, it’s not a problem.”

“What do you mean ‘discussed it’?”

“That’s actually none of your business, Bonnie. The only people who should be concerned with that are those in the Gemini coven, and considering you’re not, you don’t have the right to ask. And, actually, Jo got pregnant and engaged without even consulting her coven, too, so frankly, that business only belongs to Kai and I.” She blinks, not used to being told off so directly. “We’re not concerned about Jo, nor the twins. Besides, that’s over twenty years away, and not worth worrying over right now.”

“Fine. So he’s adapting well?”

“Yes.”

“Bonnie,” Damon starts, “I know we were skeptical, but I think they’ve proven us wrong-”

“One more thing.” You gulp, knowing exactly where she’s headed. “A couple months ago, I read an article where a local bar fight turned deadly. The man’s death was ruled an accident. Do you know anything about that?”

“That was-”

“And don’t you dare lie to me because we both know-”

“I wasn’t going to lie,” you snap back. “If you’d let me talk, I could explain.”

“Oh, so you do know about it? I want to hear it from him,” she nods to Kai. 

Kai’s nervously chewing his lip. When you give him a gentle tilt of your head, he begins to explain. “Okay, yes, that was me. I was defending Y/N. I-”

“We told you no more killing people. The deal’s-”

“Let him explain, Bonnie,” the vampire interrupts.

“You’re defending him?!”

“Just hear him out first.”

Kai looks to Damon, then back at the girl. “The guy got physical with Y/N. He was yelling all this profane shit about her and grabbed at her shirt. When I got in the middle of them, he started hitting at me, and spitting. Every time I tried to shake him off, he’d come back for more. It was a complete accident; I didn’t mean to kill him.”

“So you did kill him.”

“Did you not hear me? I said it was an accident; he was trying to get to Y/N. I wasn’t going to let him touch her.”

“Think about it, Bonnie. If you were there, you would’ve given him a magical headache, and if his brain burst, oh well! The only difference is that Kai didn’t use magic. If anything, it’s better that he didn’t.”

“I’m sorry, I’m still confused. Why are you defending him? And why do you seem to know about this?!”

“I did know about it, okay? And I’m sorry for not telling you, but this is why. He was defending Y/N and I can’t blame him for that. C’mon, Bon. You’ve always been worried about her getting hurt, but he keeps her safe. It’s crazy, even for me to admit, but he does.”

“So you’re okay with him staying? You’re serious?”

“Look, he hasn’t been bothering us. Hasn’t been bothering Jo. This is the only person he’s killed and it was in Y/N’s defense. He makes great cocktails. Let’s just put this whole thing behind us.”

“Bonnie, I’ve missed your friendship these last couple months, and if you give Kai a chance, you’ll see he’s really put in a lot of effort into building a life here.”

She glares at the both of you, then back at him. She even looks to her friends for support. They shrug. “Fine.” She holds up a finger, “but if he falls back into old ways, he’s gone.”

“Thank you, Bon.”

Kai offers his thanks as well, and a second later, you jump at the feeling of his lips on the back of your neck. He apologizes for startling you, but then wraps his arms around your waist. Bonnie watches, both at how unafraid you are of him, and how in love he is with you. She fights the urge to smile, wanting to keep up her cold exterior for a little longer. 

After some time, plans are made to get together for real. There’s a lot of work to be done in rekindling your friendship, but you’re on the path to getting there. As for her negative feelings about Kai, she’s just going to have to see his change for herself. 

*****

That night, you’re curled in bed together when something suddenly harbors in his mind. He hesitates for a moment, unsure if he wants to bring it up; if you even remember it happening, but then curiosity begins to fester in him. 

“Can we talk about something, Y/N?”

“What’s that?”

“I was reminded earlier, when you were talking about Jo to Bonnie… in the hotel room after the first meeting, did you mean it?”

“Mean what?”

“What you said about, like, having twins? That you’d do it for me?”

You backtrack your mind several months to that conversation. It happened a little like this one - you holding him, him being a little weary about the day’s events. Ah. “Yes.”

He perks up. “Yes, you remember it, or yes, you meant it?”

“Both. I do remember that conversation. And yes, I would give you a set of twins if you wanted to keep your bloodline in the leadership.”

“Why?”

“Why?” You repeat his question, glancing at him to see if he’s serious. His face is riddled with confusion - definitely serious. “Because I love you. And they might have doubts about you, but I have faith in your ability to lead, and I believe you’d be a good father, too.”

Now he crinkles his nose. “Why?”

“Well the man who raised you barely did at all. He isolated you, and hurt you, and treated you like crap just because you were born differently. And despite that, and despite a few bumps along the way, you’ve proven you’re capable of deep, gentle love. You prove it to me daily, and you’ve proven patience at your job and with Bonnie, and understanding. You’ve managed to survive despite the circumstances you’ve been given, and all those things are traits I know you would teach a child, because you’d do everything to prevent raising them like your father raised you; to make sure they grow up in a loving environment, like one you should’ve been given. And, you’d teach them how to survive in this coven, because unfortunately, as leader, you’re still tied to them, but you would teach them how to remain strong. And even if we ever happen to have twins and they’d need to merge, you’d still make sure their lives are meaningful before it.”

Kai’s quiet for a while. “If we did that, I wouldn’t want it just for the benefit of the coven. It would be out of my love for you, and if we have a desire to have kids. Not like Jo, where it was an accident, but not like my father, who only needed a leader.”

You kiss his head. “I agree.”

“So you would be okay with that? If we did, at some point?”

“Of course. When the time comes for that, we can talk about it more, but yes.”

“Good, because I’m not ready now.” He relaxes, but then stiffens again. “But wait, Jo… if we’re trying to beat her to this, don’t we need to do it now?”

You choose your next words carefully, unsure if they even hold any meaning. “Well… if I’m understanding it correctly, the leader’s twins would be next in line, regardless if there’s another set in the family. So even if Jo’s are, say, nine or ten, if we have a set, wouldn’t they be next in line?”

“But they don’t want to continue my line because of the siphon gene.”

“Yes, but you’re still the leader, so maybe we can argue that when the time comes. Besides, we can’t do anything about it now. She’s eight months and I’m, obviously, not even in the same playing field.” You rub his arm comfortingly, or at least, hoping it’ll bring him comfort in light of your next few words. “Maybe… okay. First off, I don’t think Jo wants to participate in the merge with her future kids. She’s already tried to escape this family once, I doubt she wants her kids brought back in it. So maybe if we have a set, she’ll just let them take over.”

“But she might merge them just to prevent my line from continuing in leadership.”

“Or, she might welcome kids raised by you and I to lead instead, if we can prove to her we can raise good kids,” you half-joke. He nods. “Because as much animosity as she has towards you, I really don’t think she wants her kids following in coven tradition. Even so, if she does merge hers, we can just follow right up with ours and take it back.” Kai lets out a small chuckle. “But even if hers do take the leadership, I don’t think they’ll try to hurt you. By then, you’ll be settled in, and we’re already far away from your father. Jo trusts me, I think, and we can continue to make peace with her. We’ll be okay. You’ll be safe, I promise. As long as you’re with me-”

“-I’m safe.”

“Exactly.” You kiss him. “And if by somehow there’s a huge falling out and the coven does get violent again,” you shrug, “we’ll just become vampires.”

At first he laughs, but then grows serious as the words hit him. “You’d really do that with me? Transition and live forever just to keep them from killing me?”

“Mhm. I would live a thousand lives as long as I have you with me in all of them.”

[girl-failure]

Transwoman needs answers

this isnt an easy post to write and it's going to be full of info about me that's personal and embarassing but I am desperate for answers and assitance so please bear with me. Long story short, im almost 3 years hrt (may 19th will be exact) and it's like nothing has changed. More info under the cut.

I'm going to try and explain everything to the best of my memory, but exact dosages and stuff might be fuzzy and inexact. I began HRT on May 19th 2021, when I was 22. I took one and a half 2mg pills, twice (morning and night) daily. I took them sublingually. I was also prescribed Spironolactone, though the exact dose escapes me (i remember it was 1 pill nightly). I had only come out as trans in the December the previous year, so i considered myself unfathomably lucky to get to start so soon. I had done this through informed consent at a planned parenthood and was excited by the possibility of a future where my own body didn't make me want to die. The idea of changing my body gave me a feeling of control in my life that had been entirely absent until that point. I knew I wanted all the help I could get with breast development (the women in my immediate family are well endowed) and I had read & heard from other trans women that prog could help, but I'd have to wait to ask for it.

I think it was on December 15, 2021, I was officially prescribed 100 progesterone nightly. At this point I had began to notice softer skin, lighter hair, the few bits of acne left over from high school had gone entirely, and the inklings of breasts beginning to form. My libido had all but dissipated entirely at that point, but I was told (mostly by other trans women) it would come back, especially after starting prog, and that my body would likely experience pleasure differently, and that my orgasm would be very different. The fat from my stomach (i wasn't overweight or underweight, i was pretty average for a man my height, but I did have a masculine stomach I despised) hadn't relocated at all, but I knew HRT wasn't a sprint, but a marathon, and I had a long way to go. This continued for a long time, eventually i would be bumped up to two 2mg of E (sublingual pill) twice daily (8mg total), and my Spiro would change to 200mg a day EDIT: My Spiro dosages did fluctuate, though again I don't recall the exact dosages, (I initially got it confused with my prog dosage, sorry), though there was the occasional few week period where I'd be bumped back down to one and a half E pills because I had timed my blood-work poorly. It had been a while since starting HRT and I was starting to worry. My libido never came back, I was unable to feel the sensation of pleasure entirely, my breasts & nipples never became sensitive or had growth pains, and my breasts really hadn't grown at all. My stomach still made me feel awful and masculine because fat continued to pile up there instead of in the feminine places I was told and led to believe it should!!! I was scared and frightened and upset. I'd say I developed an eating disorder but my eating was already disordered. I was afraid of food. Afraid it'd just make me look manly, instead of going to my hips/waist/whatever and breasts like it was supposed to. I began to feel like the hrt that was supposed to save my life was just making me feel worse.

On October 23rd, 2023, I finally started seeing a doctor again after 9 years of not being able to afford it, and only then because a parent got insurance through their work. I was officially prescribed Estradiol Valerate (.3mL intramuscular, and the bottle itself is 20mg/mL) , and quit Spiro outright. Now that I was talking to a doc, especially one who had been working with trans people in my area for years, I was starting to have hope again that maybe injections would solve my problems. After all, they're supposed to be more powerful right? Well after some blood-work revealing that my T levels were so low they were undetectable, we started fiddling with my injection dosages. I went down to .25mL. Nothing changed. I went down to .2ml. Nothing changed. I stayed at .2mL and was prescribed a med called EstraTest (.625mg E and 1.25mg T), a single pill which has both E and T in it, to try and raise my T levels back to measurable levels and hopefully find that golden ratio of E and T where maybe my body will start working again and start changing. But that brings us today. I still don't feel any sensation of pleasure (masturbating is pointless, intimacy just feels like I'm disappointing my partner), let alone a female orgasm (which as embarrassing as it is to admit, I was really looking forward to), my nipples still don't get sensitive and my chest doesn't get sore or get growing pains. My breasts look the same way they did 4 months into hrt. I've still had practically no fat redistribution, though I've gotten better about eating and not being afraid of food. I'm even beginning to notice my acne slowing starting to come back. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Why has nothing worked? Why does it feel like I'm regressing? I lost my health insurance earlier this week, and I can't afford to see my doctor again with my dumb pizza delivery job, so I haven't been able to ask to try anything more drastic to try and fix these issues. My current theories are that maybe my body is just more resistant to E? Which would be awful, but might be handled by just tripling my dose or something? Or

that my receptors are fried, and that the only solution would be to stop taking my HRT for a while (maybe even a long while). I pray that isn't the case, because I'd sooner off myself then let my body regress any further.

So this is a call for help. If anyone has any idea what could be causing these problems for me, or knows how I might be able to fix them, PLEASE let me know. I've lost hope in having a future as a woman, or even just feeling apathy towards my body (instead of intense self-loathing) at this point.

Here's my ca$happ if anyone wants to throw some money my way and maybe I'll be able to see the doctor again. cash.app/$occultChloe

[beauty-and-passion]

Lore Olympus: a superficial vision of Greek Mythology

Hello again,

here we are with the third and last post about Lore Olympus. New post (posts?) will come when the story is over, but this is my last one for now.

This post will be about the main characters of the story: Hades, Persephone and Demeter. The story is about them after all, right? Right?

These three aren’t just the protagonists of the story: they are also the sum of all the problems we talked about: they’re badly written, they’re a waste of potential and they’re insulting to Greek mythology - and everyone’s intelligence.

But let’s talk about them in detail.

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Hades: boring rather than mysterious

Hades isn't exactly an easy character to write. According to the myth, Hades is serious, dark and gloomy - and of course he is, he should be the representation of death!

In addition to that, he's not exactly a positive figure. In the original myth, he kidnapped Persephone and when Demeter asked for her daughter back, Hades tricked Persephone into eating a pomegranate. The pomegranate was considered a fruit of the underworld and whoever ate it, could not leave the underworld anymore - so he found a way to have her around, at least for half of the year.

So nope, he wasn’t exactly the good guy here.

However, Hades is also one of the very few gods/mythological figures who is mostly faithful to his wife: he had just a few lovers, compared to the billions of lovers other gods had.

That could be used to portray him as an introverted guy, who isn’t able to find the love of his life - at least until he meets Persephone.

Or it can be used to make him even more intimidating: he’s the god of the dead after all, so people can be rightfully scared of him. And he would grow bitter and dark, because of the constant rejection. This could lead to a sort of Beauty-and-the-Beast remake, in which he slowly learns how to improve, thanks to Persephone’s acceptance.

Or it can be a way to show him for who he is: a dark, gloomy figure no one can accept because he’s linked to death and only someone who deals with the cycle of nature can understand. (Guess which idea I like more.)

Hades can be very interesting. He has A LOT of potential.

But Lore Olympus doesn’t exploit it. Hades is rich in the most boring way, just like any modern American capitalist could be. He owns stuff and people and doesn’t care about anything and anyone, starting from his dogs that appear only when the story needs them, to his godson or whatever Thanathos was supposed to be.

In addition, Mrs. Smythe tries so hard to make us sympathize with Hades by giving him a ton of traumas. But we never delve deeper: I don’t care about Hades’ childhood, I don’t care about his resemblance to his father, I don’t care about his supposed abusive relationship with Minthe. I. Just. Don’t. Care.

And this is bad. He’s the male protagonist, I should care about him! But I don’t. I don’t remember a single moment involving him. He's incredibly bland, for someone with all these issues going on.

This is one of the biggest proofs of amateur writing: in order to make a character interesting, you add as many things as possible. And so Hades has stuff and problems and everything, but it’s all words. It’s telling and not showing. All of his threads are not developed and do not reach any point.

Do you know what Mrs. Smythe could’ve done instead? She had two possible choices:

1) To spend time on Hades’ character and his personal growth (and focus the story on him and not on a shit ton of other characters).

2) To make him a simpler character. No character needs 200 traumas and 300 quirks to be interesting. And considering we’re talking about fucking Hades, we don’t need much else. He’s the god of the underworld, what else do you need? Mrs. Smythe could’ve focused on his role only and it would’ve been a great story already.

But nope, we got a rich, old guy swooning over a young, naive kid like everyone else does in this boring story.

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Persephone: over-perfection

Persephone is never allowed to be a character in this story. She cannot have flaws. She is always nice, the nicest, the most perfect girl in the world. All the other girls are bad and mean, but not her. She is and she will always be nice.

But then, oh, she starts talking about "a feeling" inside her: a super vague-y feeling that made her angry.

And I had a feeling inside me too: the feeling that this would lead to some bullshit.

We reach the end of act one, by finding out about Persephone's act of wrath. Helios' version is: Persephone got angry because the humans were killing her friends (friends she never mentioned and will never mention, but let’s pretend it makes sense), so she killed the humans in return.

Okay, so Persephone can get angry. She can be vengeful. She can make mistakes and be flawed. Wow, that’s interesting! I can’t wait to see how she will talk about these feelings inside her and I want to see the contrast between them and her need to be perfect. We will see her regret and her growth, because she did something terrible despite harmless humans begging her to stop and she will learn from her mistakes...

Nah nah nah, none of that. First of all, we should justify Persephone because clearly this is the right thing to do: justify a bad character.

Do you want to know what the truth is? The humans weren't begging as Helios thought, by they were mean to Persephone: bo-hoo, poor little goddess, she's just a fucking goddess after all while they were humans, she's clearly the perfect target for bullies.

Also, it wasn't her who did her act of wrath, it was the feeling inside her! The feeling made her do it!

This is the epitome of immature, horrible writing: justifying the bad actions of a character at all costs. It's a bit like saying that, idk, Voldemort murdered a lot of people, but only because they were mean to him and because he was surrounded by bad people who made him do it - otherwise, he would've been the nicest guy ever. That's bullshit, that's idiotic, that strips the character of their responsibilities because the author is very biased and doesn't want to see flaws in their perfect creation.

Because of that, Persephone's flaws disappeared again. She isn't bad, it's the thing inside her (that is not her and we see it reconfirmed over and over) that made her bad! She is perfect! She is the purest!

I hated this. This is the biggest proof that the author is immature, inexperienced and immensely biased. Persephone had her chance to finally be something more than a smile and a pretty body but nope, once again she was nothing more than a bidimensional cardboard.

But that's not all. The constant reconfirmation that Persephone had "a feeling" inside her, that "it wasn't her doing this" was still pushing in the back of my head. My bullshit senses were tingling more than ever.

And then, we reached the fucking trial.

A trial that doesn't make any sense because, even if Zeus trusted Helios' version of the story (i.e. Persephone got angry because the humans were killing her friends, so she killed them in return), this whole thing isn't worth a trial. I mean, the gods did worse stuff for a lot less: for example, Hera and Athena were so pissed at Paris for the story of the golden apple, to welcome the Trojan War and take sides, despite Zeus telling everyone to not interfere. And speaking of Zeus, what about when the gods tried to overthrow him? He punished Hera and a couple of other gods, but didn't make a whole ass trial.

But okay, fine, this is a retelling and the gods are a lot more tamed, compared to their original selves. A trial is needed. We may see Persephone fighting for her version to prove to everyone she is Little Miss Perfect. Maybe we will have the immensely boring clichè of the Unexpected Witness we see in every stupid movie, when the lawyer suddenly says, look, they found a witness hidden until now who saw everything! And Persephone is perfect as always!

But nope, we got something much, much stupider.

Instead of the clichè of the Unexpected Witness, we got a walking plot device, who appeared Because Yes, moved the conversation where the author needed Because Yes and delivered the answer of a plot point. Because Yes.

Hear me out: Persephone isn’t a flawed character, how dare you think she is less than perfect? She is Perfection Incarnate and her act of wrath wasn’t her doing this, but Eris making her do it.

Why? Because, when Persephone was born, while other gods blessed her with perfection, Eris blessed her with a “feeling”, i.e. wrath. And this is the reason why she becomes angry: not because it’s a normal feeling and it would make sense that she can experience it, but because of Eris.

No, I'm not making this up and yes, it’s a fucking Sleeping Beauty rip-off. Only worse and more stupid, because it doesn’t acknowledge that Persephone might be flawed like every other character. She is the absolute fucking best forever and ever.

In case you’re wondering: no, this isn’t good writing. That’s the exact opposite of good writing - and the opposite of logical sense too.

Do you want to know what we could've had instead? What about a Persephone who has a real dark side? A goddess who spent so much time trying to appear as the perfect daughter, to grow anger and bitterness inside her? A goddess who, when her friends died, reached a breaking point and let out years of repressed frustration? A goddess who isn’t perfect and not because of Eris, but because she is a gray character?

I would've loved to see it. And it would’ve been great for the romance too: instead of the typical "dark gloomy Hades finds love in the sunny happy Persephone", we could've seen the other way around: a dark Persephone who finds her soulmate in the darkness of Hades.

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Persephone: over-sexualized in the wrong way

Persephone started being sexualized since her first appearance. Not only because Hades stared at her like a fucking creep, but especially because her friend gave her a dress so short to barely cover her boobs and ass. Considering that Artemis is taller than Persephone, my question is: are we sure this was a dress and not an oversized top?

So the female protagonist has been introduced with a feeling of awkwardness and embarrassment, because she is wearing something she doesn't feel at ease with. The first thing we learn about her is that she doesn't like to show too much skin. And, over time, she reconfirms that.

However, we also see her frequently half-naked or almost naked. And this rubs me the wrong way.

Why? Because it has been clearly stated that Persephone is extremely young. She's barely an adult - if you consider 19 years old like "being an adult". And the time skip was so stupid and useless, I didn’t even realize there was a time skip, because she STILL looks like a teen.

Her physical connotations are also accentuated to be the same as a child: round face, big round eyes, very tiny figure. She literally looks like a child in some drawings and that rubbed me even more wrong. Making a youthful character is one thing, making a fucking baby is a different one.

And if we think about it, the first time she and Hades met, she wasn't even wearing clothes, but pure light. And I’m not even sure she was 18, so... bleurgh. Just imagine a naked adolescent on top of an 80-year-old man. Or even just a 50-year-old man. I don’t know you, but I find it fucking disgusting.

And the more the story goes on, the more we see her sexualization. Persephone’s boobs are so big that, if they were real, she would have some serious back pains. Her ass is huge as well and her figure went from a simple hourglass to a literal hourglass, with huge hips and an impossibly tiny waist.

However, this isn't inherently a bad thing... If this goes along with Persephone wanting to be more sexualized. If we saw Persephone wanting to show her skin, to be sexy, to do alluring poses, to be naked, there would be nothing wrong with showing her like this. The art would match the character's desires. And there's nothing wrong if a character (or someone in real life) just wants to be sexier or to show more skin.

But Persephone never wants to. We never see her saying/thinking or even trying to be sexier. She vaguely thinks about it, but everything is kept in a façade of family-friendlyness (despite the, well, almost naked scenes). She never wants to show too much skin, yet she always shows her skin to everyone.

That's not interesting, that's not character growth, that's not even sexy. That's just sad. And, as a woman myself, I do not like to see women being forced into nakedness without wanting it.

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Demeter: incoherence to its finest

In all of this mess, Demeter is treated like a manipulative mother. Why, do you ask? Because Yes, of course!

Let’s just ignore that, in the myth, Demeter is not a manipulative mother, but a simple worried and angry mother, whose daughter got fucking kidnapped and she could not find her. Let’s close both eyes and accept that Demeter is manipulative. Okay? Okay.

Now please tell me when we see her being manipulative, besides the stupid “eclipse” episode in act 3. We always saw her being worried and protective of her daughter, but not manipulative.

And even the overprotectiveness isn’t handled well. If Demeter is so overprotective, then why did she never call, when Persephone was at Artemis’ house? Why did she never pay them more than one visit? Why did she never give Persephone a phone? She could’ve used it to track her every move and call her daily.

But she did not, because she was not an overprotective mother. Her actions were not overprotective, but the simple actions of a worried mother.

But then I suppose Mrs. Smythe needed a villain to start act 3, so Demeter changed and became overprotective and manipulative Because Yes.

The problem is that it’s still by words. I still do not see an evil, manipulative mother. All I see is a mother who has every right to be worried, because Hades is an asshole and Zeus is an even bigger asshole and because patriarchy wins in this “feminist” retelling.

But hey, she’s bad because the plot says so and because Mrs. Smythe needed a villain, so let’s hate her... even though she has all the right to be worried. And even thought most of the time, all she said is perfectly logic and reasonable.

Also, let’s not forget how Mrs. Smythe mistreated her, by taking away a lot of her power and influence. The real Demeter is an insanely powerful goddess, she controls the cycle of seasons and fertility all over the earth. When her daughter disappeared, she basically let everything die. Zeus was forced to intervene and find an agreement, otherwise Demeter would’ve ended life on the planet.

The most powerful thing this Demeter does is put a stupid embargo that Hades and Persephone bypass in 30 seconds. Do you see what I mean when I say that these gods are much more tamed compared to their original counterparts?

Also, this Demeter was used by Zeus for sex with the promise of becoming a queen, which is

disgusting

still part of this weird obsession for sex, rape and sexual assaults

disrespectful towards the mythological goddess, who didn’t give a fuck about the throne because when you’re already this powerful you don’t need much else.

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In conclusion

A story is nothing without good characters and Lore Olympus doesn’t have any: Hades is a ball of nothing, Persephone is so perfect she makes me puke, Demeter doesn’t make any sense and when she does, everyone treats her like a villain.

And I know I said I don’t want to talk about act 3, but the whole Eleusian kid is such a bullshit it deserves at least one mention. What’s the moral of the whole thing supposed to be? That if you know the right people, even death isn’t a problem? That nepotism always win? That Demeter doesn’t give a shit about Persephone, but she was just projecting?

What an absolute waste of time, what an absolute disrespect to Greek mythology and life in general. Death is never underestimated in Greek myths: as I said in my first post, Greek myths are supposed to offer explanations for things humans cannot understand and there isn’t a force as strong and as impenetrable as death. Death is unstoppable and impossible to overcome and it’s treated as such in Greek myths: no one escapes death and the exceptions are few and rare.

So changing a story to make a character escape death is the ultimate proof Mrs. Smythe didn’t understand the Greek myths in general and the myth of that character in particular, because that kid

wasn’t Demeter’s son

died in his myth because death is not a swinging door you can cross whenever and whatever you want

And speaking of Demeter: what this story is supposed to tell me, about her? That she doesn’t care about Persephone so much? The same Demeter, who in Persephone’s myth was grieving her child and because of her sadness, she almost ended life on Earth? The same Demeter, who refused to do anything, until Zeus intervened?

Or maybe Rachel wants to tell me that a mother’s love is finite and you can either love one child or the other? In that case, I really hope this woman has no children at all.

Portraying Demeter as this shitty mother is beyond disrespectful. In the original myth, her love is what changed the cycle of life and death forever. It’s because she fought for Persephone, that she didn’t get stuck in the underworld forever with her kidnapper. It’s because of Demeter’s love, that life blossomed again after the winter.

Lore Olympus is disrespectful towards the original material. And if I find it a waste of potential as a reader and a badly written story as a writer, as a Greek I am just sad. Sad because I’ve already seen a lot of rewritings and this one isn’t as original as I hoped. It doesn’t give me that tingle of pride and joy, it doesn’t make my imagination work. When I read it, I don’t think: “Oh, I remember this figure! And this myth! Can’t wait to see how it will be developed!”. I think: “Oh wow, another clichè. Oh, come on, what kind of solution is that?! That’s just too stupid to handle”.

That’s just sad to see part of your cultural heritage being mistreated. And I feel bad as Italian too, because Romans treated these gods and stories with respect, not by doing stupid, soulless rewrites. I feel insulted 

So, do you want a rewrite that doesn’t seem as sad as Lore Olympus? Then check Punderworld. It’s still going on, so it could end up being shitty too, but for now, I think it’s much better than Lore Olympus and much more interesting.

Just an example: the author knows about Hades’ invisibility cloak. That’s something small, sure, but that’s promising. And, at least for now, seeing Hades and Persephone talking about the cycle of life and death is much, much more interesting than “I’m a fertility power battery”, “Bring me Hera because now I’m obsessed with her for no reason”, “I’m such a stupid villain all I can do is cling to other gods because I want power Because Yes”.

So check that and check other rewritings too! Luckily Lore Olympus isn’t the only one: there are a ton of rewritings, both old and new ones. You will find a better one in no time.

And if you enjoy Greek Mythology, then read the original myths too. You will find complex personalities, human flaws, metaphorical stories and much more. After all, there’s a reason why these myths survived the passage of time and they’re still so well known and so beloved despite being so old.

Thank you all so much for your time and thank you for reading these posts.

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(How about a coffee? ☕)

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[ancha-aus]

RealAgeAU Drabble - Work

Hello Hello! I am back because I had an idea :3 @spotaus get in here :3

First Drabble Prev Drabble Next Drabble

This one is when they have been about two or three weeks in Farmtale. So small 4 months since Nightmare deaged.

*----------------*

It had been an impulse decision to do this.

Dust peers into the back of the airconditioning unit as he checks it again.

It wasn't as if he wasn't used to fixing things. Before at the castle it had been his responsibility to make sure everything kept working. As he had the most experience from working with these type of machines and things.

It wasn't hard. Dust found it easy. It were always the same things that needed fixing anyway and there were only so many options.

He learned to be creative with how he fixed things.

So when the cash register had been broken it had been second nature to fix it. just remove the slightly burned through wire and fix the still working on back in place. Easy fix.

When Crop had been by the waterpomp Dust had navigated over there mostly to just have something to do.

Don't get him wrong, he is content to watch Nightmare and be the main go to to take care of him. But ever since they decided on that stupid idiotic backstory...

Dust isn't an idiot. He knows they are only acting overprotective to sell the story. He isn't sure how he feels about it.

Meaning he tried to stay busy. Best way to not let things bother you is to keep too busy to let them bother you. He watched Crop struggle with the pomp and Crop explained it was how they could get fresh water thgouth the pomp which had been connected to the generator.

But it hadn't been doing what it should and Crop had eventually given up. Sighing about how he would need to call someone in. Dust had asked why he hadn't done that right away if he didn't know much about machinery.

Crop had explained there there was only one company that worked all the way out there to their little town. and they were full of racists who had no problem overcharging their work and hourly rate and making them pay for things they didn't want. but they were the only option to pick from.

Dust had tilted his skull and sat down next to him wiht a simple "scoot."

Crop ended up letting Dust do his thing because it was broken anyway. Turns out if was just a pipe not fully connected and some gears in the generator that caused the disconnect. not the pomp.

As he said. Easy fixes. Once you know what to look for.

Which meant that Dust now did most of the actual tech stuff on the farm. It wasn't a lot and hardly took up his time but well... it is nice enough.

Then a day when Cross and Killer were out with Straw to get things someone had knocked on the door.

Aparently word got out that Dust can fix things.

They had spoken with Crop to ask if Dust had time to check somethings there. Killer, who had still been in the house, got all huffy and puffy over it.

Again that same overprotective act.

So that is why he said yes. Now he sits on the ground in some old person's home looking into the airconditioner as Killer should still be at the farm with Nightmare.

Dust is already anxious to get back and check on the babybones.

A huff It is pathetic how clingy you are. Scared he will realise he doesn't need you like you need him?

Dust ignores the voice as he closes the unit up again "That should work." just to prove his point he turns it on. it works like a charm and buzzes away as it gets to work cleaning and cooling the air.

The old man, the gerson of this universe, chcukles "Thank you laddie! I had been afraid i would have to suffer the last summer days in the heat." and he laughs.

Dust shrugs as he puts the tools he borrowed back together. he puts the tools kit back in the closet where Gerson got it from "No problem. easy fix."

Gerson laughs as he wheels himself into his kitchen "Seems so! I did not even have time to offer you tea! That is how fast you were!"

Dust shrugs "Why take an hour for somethign that only needs ten minutes?" seems like a waste of time. He looks around and spots an old tv which is unplugged. mh.

Gerson exits the kitchen with a small teaset "I do hope you will take a moment to enjoy some tea before you return?"

Dust shrugs "may as well." He has to wait until Crop picks him up. he could of course shortcut back but that would just raise even more questions.

another loud laugh Yeah! People will question how you seem so skilled yet are utterly useless! Honestly how they haven't decided yet that you are too weak to be entrusted with a babybones is beyond me!

Dust stares at the slowly filling cup "Why is the tv unplugged? annoyed with the news?" talk. just talk about anything.

Gerson shoots the offending furniture a look "oh none of that. I think the screen burned through or something. and a new one is too expensive."

Dust hums as he stares at the tea. Then he stands up and walks to the tv. he pops it open and takes a look. yeah some stuff is burned through but he can probably... if he uses something to replace that and most places have some glass... "Mind if i try some stuff?"

Gerson laughs loudly "go for it! It is junk anyway!"

Dust nods and starts to search the house. Moving silently and effortlessly through the space. He will once in a while hold up somethign to Gerson and Gerson will either give him the go ahead or ask him to put it back. He only told dust to put something back once.

With his replacements ready he gets to work on the tv. the tv is a bit of a harder challenge. mostly because a lot needs to be replaced or fixed before it could work. But at the end Dust messes a bit with the buttons and it turns on again.

Dust hums "That explains why i didn't find any leds or anything that i could replace with the led lights." it is still a black white television. mh.

Gerson laughs again "Well I will be! I didn't expect you to be able to fix that old junk!" he laughs some more before shooting him a glance "I take you were planning on schooling for technalogical stuff?"

Dust blinks before he looks to the side. quickly reminding himself of his story "I guess. never made a decision on that."

Gerson nods as if that makes perfect sense "It is very mature that you decide to focus on your child. but now that you have so many people to assist you could look into college?"

Dust snorts as he rolls his eyes "nah. I don't need that." they are already too focused on that stupid story and how that portrays him.

Papyrus flies around the edge of his vision oh suuuure how it portrays you. But that is the problem you have wiht it? isn't it? Because it does show that you are pathatic and an idiot and can't be trusted. It shows how much weaker you are compared to them. you know it is a matter of time before they start connecting the dots with this fake you and the real you.

Dust stares at the dark liquid of his tea.

Gerson hums as he looks at him considerate "We all are young once... stupid choices are part of that..." Gerson keeps staring at him "It is a shame you had no help to help you with yours."

Dust glares at him "safe your pity. I don't need it." keep it in. keep it in. don't make a scene. don't make a scene.

Gerson chuckles but still looks sad "Yeah. I can imagine."

Dust glares. He hates this. He hates this stupid story. He isn't some dumb weak monster that got goo-goo eyed and lost a child because of that. He doesn't want to be known for that. he... he doesnt want that to be how they see him. He doesn't care how most people see him. They don't matter... but... but... what if...

papyrus laughs again So much for not going goo-goo eyed. That laugh rings through his skull.

Silence follows and Dust prefers it. Still he leaves the small couch and table and searches the house. He saw a few things that could still be fixed.

Stay busy.

Don't think.

By the time that Crop finally comes by to pick him up with the car everything he could find is fixed.

Crop looks between them nervously and smiles "So... how did it go?"

Dust huffs "fine..." and he walks towards the car.

Gerson rolls a bit after them "Wait a moment laddie!"

Dust lets out a loud sigh and Crop shoots Gerson a nervous look "Is something wrong?"

Gerson takes out his wallet and looks through the bills before holding out some cash.

Dust stares at the held out money before looking back at Gerson hoenstly feeling insulted "I thought i said i dont need some stupid-"

Gerson speaks louder "payment for fixing my things! YOu were a lot quicker and cheaper than the service i normally use! Here you go! what i normally pay the other service for an hour!" and he just keeps smiling brightly as he hold sout the cash.

Dust stares at gerson but takes the money, don't cause a scene. he stuff it in his pocket before huffing "whatever."

Crop and him go towards the car and Dust takes out the money to count it.

Wait a minute...

Dust frowns "Crop?"

Crop hums "yeah?" he seems in a very good mood.

Dust frowns at him "How expensive is stuff in the universe? like. how expensive are a week groceries for someone?"

Crop blinks as he shoots him a look "Oh you are asking something there... mmh... I think about 35 to 40 for each person, if you have to buy it all... I am not completely sure as we grow a lot ourselves and we trade with our fellow farmers."

Dust frowns at the cash "Then why was i paid like 200 for just an hour of fixing stuff?"

Crop snorts "I told you. the other service that normally comes out here asks a lot for some basic stuff. I can only assume that Gerson was happy with how you fixed his air conditioning in an hour wihtout trying to make him buy more things than he needed."

Dust frowns before putting the cash away.

They get back and Killer rushes to meet them. Looking anxious as Dust gets out of the truck "Dusty! Everything fine? no shady shit? I told you we shouldn't be out on our own with people here!" Killer hangs all over his shoulders. Dust looks around and sees Horror and Cross both on the porch with Nightmare by them.

Papyrus giggles wiht sick glee See? You are just a source of worry. They don't trust you. They probably never truly trusted you or your abilities. Wouldn't it be more fun to show them just how dangerous you are?

Dust shrugs to try and get Killer off but the guy has a hold of a leech. So he sighs "It went fine. Nothing to worry about."

They get back to the others and Cross smiles as he asks if everythign was fine. Dust sighs and repeats his answer of before. Horror just smiles in greeting before giving Nightmare back to him.

That actually calms him. Nightmare hums happily as he pushes his skull by Dust's neck and chin and Dust holds the tiny being close. Feeling the fast flutter of Nightmare's magic slowly calm down to go at his own soul's and magic rate is still amazing.

The voice of Papyrus finally goes quiet again.

It is fine. Dust doens't care with others think abut him. Not when what he gets back is this. It will just take some getting used to but he will be fine. It is annoying and sad that the others won't see him as trustwrothy anymore but even that is fine as long as he can hold his baby close.

He is fine.

*-----------------------*

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[arolesbianism]

I currently have scug campaigns for 3 of my 4 iterator ocs, and I should rly work on the last, but why think abt the hypothetical slugcat Stars might make when I can instead think of the ones she made already even more (<- has already run out of ideas for iterator gimmicks and doesn't wanna think abt it more)

[otaku553]

Ok a few questions...

1st - the little reaction character you draw for every ask is so cute have u learnt to draw or just an amateur? I mean I hardly am able to draw such quick sketches my work takes days to complete

2nd - your major is so much superior and brainy it hurts my brain ( as a med student I find tech people really brainy) and currently I am trying to do some research on Ai in med how shd I approach that ? At an under grad level where I am hardly having any independent clinical practice and any good knowledge on Ai? I mean I do try studying it but I won't ever be at par with proper Ai studies at tech institutes. Pls help.

1) As you might have guessed from my STEM academic background, art is mostly a hobby for me and I’ve never actually been professionally trained or taken lessons for it :) most of what I know comes from YouTube videos and books and stuff, accumulated over,,,,, I think 13 years now of drawing?? I’m lucky my parents really encouraged me to draw and kept nurturing that interest in me when I was young, haha

These quick sketches are actually all done on my notes app and are only so quick because going fast was the only way to get the nice line weight I wanted so I trained it up so I could do these in a minute or less :) if you dig up my oldest ask response doodles though you can definitely see where I started from haha

2) If you’re looking into the basics of machine learning theory at the undergrad level, Caltech has the entire introductory course available for free on YouTube! I don’t know if it’s the best way to learn but it’s pretty alright from what I remember? What you need will depends a lot on the scope of what research you’re doing, I think. AI in the loosest sense is a thing of data organization and prediction based on some funky math stuff. If you need help actually implementing it you might need some other online tutorial but since most of these models are already prebuilt on things like PyTorch and matlab you generally don’t actually need to thoroughly know the math background for it I think. (I think especially matlab has nice documentation so it’s especially easy to do your first implementation of models there but uhh take that with a grain of salt)

Otherwise, if you’re specifically researching the ways it interfaces with medicine, I’d recommend going to Google scholar and searching up academic journals and articles about it. If the jargon is a bit much, you can look up articles elsewhere like in the general news and then look at the articles from there. If you have a mentor for research, as well, I would definitely recommend asking them for literature to review. Happy researching!

[would-this-pokemon-be-a-friend]

I'd like to know how a Porygon-Z would do as a pet. My favorite little creature :)

As with this species' pre-evolutions, porygon-z are a curious pet candidate. These pokémon are artificial, mostly digital beings, which makes them about as rare as they are behaviorally peculiar. If you do manage to adopt a porygon-z (or provide your porygon2 a Dubious Disc to allow them to evolve into one), I’m afraid there aren’t a lot of resources out there to help you with caring for them. It takes some pretty advanced programming to bring about a porygon-z, so finding one to adopt can be pretty expensive or will require some advanced computer engineering skills. This blog’s primary source of information, the pokédex, has hardly anything to say about this species. Because of this, this post may feel a little… cobbled together… but I’ll do my best to provide you with all the speculative information I can. The bottom line, though, is that porygon-z might make good pets for some owners, but their unpredictable behavior and abilities may make them more than most can handle.

Let’s start with the easy stuff. Porygon-z are a good size for a house pet. They’re far from too heavy, and their ability to levitate makes it easy for them to comfortable get around, even in smaller living spaces. You’re probably already wondering, though: how big a risk is there of a porygon-z wandering off into other forms of space. Porygons, after all, have the fascinating ability to traverse digital space, which can cause some issues when it comes to owning one as a pet (see the porygon post, linked at the bottom of this one). Porygon-z are created using porygon2s as a base, meaning that many of their programmed behaviors and abilities can be inferred by looking at the information we have about their predecessors. These related pokémon are so similar in some ways, in fact, that many pokémon scholars don’t even consider porygon-z an entirely new evolution of pokémon (Shield). It is fair to assume that porygon-z have a similar ability to traverse cyberspace like porygons, but it doesn’t end there. Porygon-z seems to have been designed to traverse and work in even stranger dimensions of reality, described vaguely in the pokédex as “alien dimensions” (Platinum, HeartGold/SoulSilver). This was supposed to make them a “better” and “more advanced pokémon” (Diamond/Pearl, Scarlet), an absurdly subjective and frankly insulting goal (porygons and porygon2s are perfect the way they are). Whether or not this programming worked seems to be up in the air, but no matter what you will want to take precautions to avoid them wandering off into cyberspace. This is, of course, easier said than done. When it comes to porygons, which have very predictable programming, there isn’t a lot of risk of them popping off without permission. Porygon-z, by contrast, are quite erratic.

As a result of the programming they’ve been given in order to turn them into interdimensional travelers, porygon-z are unpredictable both in their movements and their behavior (Diamond/Pearl, Sun, Moon). This may make porygon-z difficult to train and to contain, and could even make them dangerous. Like their pre-evolutions, these pokémon are capable of using some pretty gnarly moves, like Tri-Attack, Double-Edge, and Hyper Beam, which could easily prove lethal in the wrong context. Given the lack of information about this species’ behavior beside it being “odd”, it is difficult to recommend them to someone unless they are aware that caring for them might look different every day.

On a positive note, these pokémon have a pretty good ease of care. Porygon2s, which porygon-z get most of their programming and physical “biology” from, can survive in the vacuum of space, after all! The problems with caring for a porygon-z don’t lie so much with a danger to them but to a danger to you and the risk of their getting lost. They are also, mostly likely, highly intelligent and social, if those parts of their porygon2 programming remain. They are likely much more adaptive than porygons, for better and for worse.

All-in-all, it is about as hard to recommend porygon-z as a pet as it is to explain exactly why I can’t. While their needs are very simple, their formidable ability to cause harm and run away from home, combined with their notoriously erratic behavior, makes them a pet that only the most experience pokémon (and preferably, porygon) owners to handle.

The Porygon Post:

[bomberqueen17]

quick turnaround

The first chicken processing day is this coming tuesday. so we got back into town around 7pm last night, and I immediately put a load of laundry in.

This is mostly me wittering about chores and medical stuff, so, cut for boring, LOL.

it's cold and rainy here so I hung last night's laundry up on drying racks in the guest room, so mostly it is dry this morning-- delicates, so they didn't need to dry in the sun really-- and now this morning i've put in a second load and it's already on drying racks and some is on the line, it's not raining but it's cloudy so it'll dry slow, but like, trousers and t-shirts do better on the line than on racks. Yes I do own a dryer-- a gas dryer actually-- but it beats the fuck out of my clothes and I don't like to use it if I can in any way avoid it. (Mostly I use it to tumble towels and dress shirts for fifteen minutes, and then I hang them out once they're steaming and hot, and they dry without wrinkles that way. Yes I'm on the OCD spectrum, yes it mostly manifests about laundry. Hilariously, my farm BIL is also on the OCD spectrum, farther along it toward where it's actually a problem [mine is SO mild I don't claim it as a disorder at all, i just have things i Care About for Reasons], and has done tons of work on himself and tries to mask it, but once I understood that about him I understood that most of our lil workplace quarrels were our compulsions clashing, so I started making more concerted efforts to decide when to bow to his compulsions and when to advocate for mine, which in many cases are informed by superior knowledge as I've worked in food service more than him. I bow to him more on cleaning now because he does have prior janitorial experience. Unless I can prove he's wrong, LOL.)

I went off Ritalin mostly while on vacation-- I took it the morning I went fabric shopping because I thought it might help me actually make decisions, and that went well so maybe it worked. But that means I have extra pills, so I'm going to try to today take a morning and midday dose, while I have So Much To Do to prepare for the coming couple of weeks, and see if that plus the structure of this massive to-do list help me get anywhere. I just feel like if I can have this data before my next $300 3-minute psych consult I'll make more progress. Ritalin is better than Adderall (less brutal comedown, less getting "stuck")-- I *think*, but it's hard to tell. Vyvanse was also very hard to evaluate, is the problem, because that one I never did have any spare pills so I could never try an effective dose.

I do get it, i do get not giving me high doses when I'm so unsupervised, but-- for all of the medications, the first couple of days were weird and I had trouble hydrating and I was jittery and stuff, but it went away so quickly, I would have been fine with "take half dose two days, then ramp up to effective dose and see how it works" type directions, instead of "take what we know absolutely will be too little for you for two weeks and then come back and try to guess whether it helped", which has just meant I don't really have much data to on on here.

But. I've spent almost forty years needing this kind of medication and not able to access it at all, so I'm reminding myself that this is very rapid progress really.

So I figure I'll do a double dose today, a single tomorrow while I'm driving (maybe I will take that sole dose at midday, since driving is easy and boring but then I have work I need to get done all afternoon), and then I'll try either single or double dosing for the week of farm work until I can get my next appointment, depending how many pills I have. I want to be consistent but lol. It's not in my nature and it's not in my circumstances, so it can be a goal.

I also should write down what I realized about my sciatic nerve. I was joking that my knee caught a haunting in New Orleans somehow. Because it went from being a classic sciatic nerve pain situation-- starting in hip, through back of leg, ending at back of knee-- and wound up just being this horrible pinching pain right inside my knee, like not in the joint but somehow manifesting in a dimension extending from the back of my patella into Hell somehow-- and it was keeping me awake both when trying to nap during the day and also at night when trying to sleep. So I gave up on sleeping and sat on the couch to bitch about it in the complaints channel on the Discord where I'm mostly at home (it was a witcher server and over the last two or three years has mutated into just this ragtag group of us bitching about unrelated things and occasionally dumping fanworks on each other, sometimes about unrelated media)--

but here I'm gonna let you in on a secret, which is that complaining works sometimes. What? Yes. So in order to elicit maximal sympathy from my pocket friends by describing the problem really well (they're very good pocket friends, and many of them know things so describing stuff well sometimes means they have good advice, but even if not, I take satisfaction in communicating well, so I at least feel better about having done that), I really started paying attention to the pain, and I realized that what was happening was that it was sort of slowly throbbing on a cycle. I always knew where it was, but then it would get painful enough that I felt I had to move and change position, and it would stay at that level of pain for three or four seconds, and then taper off until I only just was aware of it, and then it would repeat-- and it was on a thirteen-to-fifteen-second cycle, and this is the crucial thing, it was unaffected by movement. I had been tossing and turning because what would happen was that it hurt badly enough that I felt I had to move it, and I would move and the pain would ease, and I would try to settle into a position, and then the pain would come back, and my half-asleep exhausted self thought that it was something I was doing. So it meant I was constantly moving, which meant I could not sleep. I had finally gotten out of bed and was alternating stretching and pacing, which seemed to be helping but then it was coming back, and the pacing sure as fuck wasn't helping me sleep, and I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong, until finally I stood still and timed it, and then moved and timed it, and realized it was the same.

Realizing that it was happening regardless of movement made me able to hold still while it hurt most acutely, and then sure enough it faded away. And once I knew that moving wouldn't help, I could ride out the urge to move. And once I wasn't constantly trying to find a comfortable position, I could rest. And once I was resting, I could fall asleep. Because this is the annoying thing-- the pain wasn't that bad, even. It's not the agony it has been in the past. I could move through it, easily. It was just too much to hold still through, until I realized that was what I needed to be doing.

So anyway-- traveling home it was mostly fine, it does not like standing in lines, and mostly i sat as much as possible, which isn't good for me long-term but i know over the next couple of weeks i will be doing a shitton of walking and standing so. we'll figure out tactics then.

so along with the ritalin i will be working out my ideal regimens of ibuprofen, aleve, and weed, LOL. Routine! I can make a routine. I can hinge my routine off other people's, which is what works well for me at the farm, and i can see if i can master the art of the amphetamines and maybe get some of my shit done.

Unfortunately all I want to do this week is sew, I watched all of the tourists and locals in NOLA and looked at what they were wearing and now know exactly what I want to make.

and i don't have time to do any of it. but. if i think about it and make concrete plans, i already own much of the fabric and most of the patterns i need. so i can do this. But I'll post separately about the Fashion Lewks I want to do, LOL.

I won't see my physical therapist again until like maybe early June. I counted it out and I've been doing physical therapy for about sixteen weeks at this point. My sister graduated from her physical therapy program and is out on her own now, having hugely improved. I can tell the bad hip is much improved but not healed-- sitting on the plane yesterday someone walked by and bumped my knee and it absolutely did make the cartilage flap go "pop" so that's not healed, but it hurt a lot less than that sort of thing used to. At the last appointment I had, the PT said I should just keep doing the exercises as my circumstances allow, and if they're too easy just increase reps etc., and we'd re-evaluate when I finally saw her again, because obviously I've had all these underlying cascading problems that can only be slowly solved by getting slowly stronger, so who knows.

I don't have concrete goals for that but I would really just. Like to be not-disabled, mostly. Every person has limits, every person is going to have to sit down sometimes, every person is going to have to think hard and make choices about what they do with their bodies-- it's just part of getting into your mid-forties, really-- so I can't just set my goal as being able to do whatever whenever. But I would like to be able to walk for longer distances, I would like to be able to wait in a line without paying for it for days, I would like to just generally be in better shape. So I guess I'll try to work toward that.

idk. and sometime in july my doctor wants me to re-test my fasting blood glucose because the only thing she cares about of my health is that i'm fat and she thinks putting me on metformin will make me not-fat. you'd think she'd have had some interest in diagnosing the pain that was making me unable to exercise but that was not on her radar i guess.

anyway. that's what i'm going to do to get me to june. it's all farm time for the rest of the month and i'm going to do physical therapy and take meth. we'll see how that goes.

[echo-bleu]

Re: tumblr selling our data to AI companies.

I don't know if it's overly cynical to say, but it's nothing that all the other social media haven't done already, with more or less publicity. I see people being like, "I'm going away from Tumblr, I'll be on Instagram instead" and. Do you really think Facebook and co aren't selling all of your stuff already. They are.

The AI companies are buying a shitload of data now, I'm guessing mostly so they can say they have "legally acquired" content when the laws and lawsuits start rolling in, but they were scrapping tumblr before that. They were and are scrapping AO3 and whatever other website you use. It's disturbingly easy to get ChatGPT to write shitty omegaverse. If you ask the image AIs to give you Maedhros from the Silmarillion, they'll spit out red-haired guys - that's not because it's canon (it's not even in the Silm) but because it's been trained on our fanart.

This is undoubtedly a shitty move on Tumblr's part, I hate it, etc. This is sure as hell not a defence of them. Do toggle the toggle to "opt-out" for whatever good it's going to do. Do Glaze your art if you can, Nightshade if you can (remember that Nightshade doesn't protect shit though), I don't think either of those are the panacea I've seen them described as but it's better than nothing. But ultimately, all of our stuff online (not just art, and not just public things) has been scrapped and will be scrapped. It doesn't matter if it's on your personal website or on shitty social media.

The internet's core concept is sharing, and that involves a certain amount of goodwill on all sides of the transaction. And that goodwill, when it comes to those big companies, just isn't there. The only way to protect your art from being scrapped is to not share it anywhere.

I don't have a solution. Those models are probably going to burn themselves out eventually, but the next thing will be as bad or worse. The big companies have considered themselves above the law for years and legal frameworks are unlikely to do much. The choice is between not sharing anything and giving up on the communities that bring me joy, or accepting that my art will be stolen whatever I do. Personally I'm going to keep sharing my art on here with the people who enjoy it, and try to remember even in the worst moments of imposter syndrome that it will always be a thousand times better than whatever shitty things the AIs are sprouting by stealing it.

This isn't the solution (or even compromise) I wish I could have. I'm writing this because all the posts I'm seeing are panicking and guilt-tripping, and I've caught myself feeling guilty for still wanting to share my art even though it's going to feed the Machines(TM) and. Can we please stop that. Can we not make the artists somehow responsible for being stolen from.

[clearancecreedwatersurvival]

Okay so here’s my thoughts on the staffcon thing.

I still think collapsing reblogs so posts look more like other social media isn’t gonna work as a feature but they will probably roll them back a little and at least add a toggle off for it if they try it and enough people submit feedback. Edit: this is actually less of an issue, most of the discussion is based on a misrepresentation of what’s happening. They’re just making it easier to scroll past long posts. EDIT AGAIN: actually some people already have the initial roll out of the feature and it. Is bad.

I think submitting feedback is a takeaway. There was a pretty clear effort to just remind the user base that there are real humans on the other side of a paycheck having to read and respond to the inputs of every feedback method on the site, which is fair. It’s easy to be an asshole online in any semi anonymous platform and that is something that tumblr culture takes a certain bloodthirsty pleasure in.

And yes, of course, user complaints about issues such as accessibility and the many ongoing glitches and bots and the search function, etc. are valid and do need to be addressed. But at the very least it would be cool if we as users maybe try to cultivate a slightly less pitchforky social norm when submitting feedback about changes to the site. The ceo is not reading every @ to his blog. One of his employees is. The people reading all of the feedback are just people doing their jobs. All jobs suck under capitalism, maybe we could try not to make their jobs actively worse.

Would you be rude to an overworked server in a restaurant? No? Cool also try to not be a dick to the person getting paid to answer customer or user complaints.

Related to that, funding. Many current and former members of staff have been pretty frank about funding in the past. The company is trying to at the very least breakeven, which not a single company who has owned tumblr has managed because the hosting fees for this site are insane due to all of the stuff on it.

If they don’t get it to breakeven they’ll hopefully best case just open source the website which is a method they’ve done in the past. And it would probably work, and then the website would to my understanding be being maintained by users. Now this is where my understanding gets fuzzy so anyone with more knowledge of how this would shake out feel free to chime in. But my understanding is that the source code for the site would be opened up and maintained by the community likely through mostly volunteer work. I would guess largely uncompensated.

So personally I think maybe the vitriolic response to every change they make going forward to try and monetize the site and pay even some of the cost of operation is perhaps a bit overblown, because they’re still trying to find a way to keep paying those people to work on tumblr, and I think people continuing to be paid for the work they do is better than volunteers doing unpaid labor.

I do also think there’s a secret third option for automattic and every other company finding themselves with a worse outlook now the Silicon Valley bubble has started to really burst, and that is for all existing staff members to unionize and then turn the whole thing into a worker coop. Much more stable organizational structures. Worker coops are also one of my favorite short term solutions to many other systemic problems we are currently experiencing.

I do hope this site continues to exist for many years, especially as it is one of the only places on the internet where the culture makes it safer to talk about some of the more permanent and long term solutions to various systemic issues that function within societies. Also funny text posts.