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toherlover · 4 years

Text

more fun here

pairing: din djarin x reader (no use of y/n)

Summary: after spending the last 3 weeks on a bounty, din decides to give you the day off, but personal space was the last thing you wanted after spending so much time alone.

wordcount: 2.6k

warnings/tags: alcohol, drinking, language? maybe? i dont remember, lots of fluff, mutual pining, mostly from din’s pov

A/N: hi so i have never actually posted a fic before oop. i have them i just ~dont share~ so this is something new to try for now!

Mando jumped when the hatch fell open, shaken out of light sleep. His hand immediately fell to the blaster tucked into the holster but froze when he saw her trudging up the ramp. She was holding some sort of drink in one hand, her other arm held out to the side as if she was walking on a balance beam. The girl was muttering under her breath, obviously concentrating way too hard on not spilling whatever liquid was frothing in the glass.

When she got to the hull of the Razor Crest she let out an exasperated sigh.

“Hey Mando!” the girl yelled a little too loud, “I’m home!!”

The Mandalorian said nothing. She leaned against the frame and held the glass out to him, panting and starting to slide to the floor.

“I- I got one for-for you!”

He had given her the day to be off on her own, considering how safe the new system they’d landed in was known to be. Maker, she’d spent the last three weeks couped up in the crest by herself. Cabin fever had never really gotten to him, but when he came back this time, bounty flung over his shoulder, it was obvious that it had gotten to her.

He’d felt bad telling her to stay on the ship and only run to the shop when necessary, especially when she butted back in argument. The girl probably didn’t realize it was for her own good, a protective measure. She had rolled her eyes in annoyance, but when Mando didn’t falter in his stance through the fight she reluctantly agreed. He hadn’t meant to leave her alone this long, he truly thought it’d be just over a week, and there was a pang of guilt in his chest for leaving her here like this.

In his absence, the girl had thoroughly redecorated the ship. All sorts of… things, crafts, maker-knows-whats, were sitting atop crates, hung on the walls, clearly made using whatever she’d found rummaging through the spare parts bin and in the singular shop connected to the docking bay.

There was a string of little flickering lights hanging across the hull, pieced together from old console controls. It looked like she had sewed together some old fabrics to create some sort of rug, too.

The girl herself was asleep on the floor, surrounded by papers covered in writing and doodles. It was a mess- whatever she’d been writing was scattered and out of order. The kid was tucked under her arm, completely limp and snoring quietly. They looked like they’d passed out on the spot, mid-activity, on the Crest’s floor. She was wearing an odd combination of clothing he’d never seen before, had she made them herself? The child had a crown woven out of old wires sitting on his head, a matching one had clearly slipped out of her hair.

Mando silently thanked the stars not only for the fact that she was asleep when he got back, but that he had a layer of beskar to hide the smile he couldn’t keep from inching across his face. When he’d hired her a few months back to watch the kid and help copilot as needed, the girl had seemed so harsh. Her knuckles were scarred and she sneered when she called him out on his shit. Which she seemed to love to do.

In the cockpit, they’d sit in silence for hours, something the Mandalorian usually valued with others, but he wished she’d say something. Anything. Occasionally he’d feel her eyes trained on his helmet, or he’d glance back at her to see her clearly thinking deeply about something, but it was never a shared thought. It was quiet.

He’d never admit to it, but he was terrified that she was scared of him. Maker, she’d seen him come back out of breath and dragging a body behind him. She was always standing by when he was at his worst, catching her flinch out of the corner of his eye didn’t make it any better.

But there were moments. Moments he was sure she hadn’t noticed him watching. Moments when she was soft. There were little things. Like how she always gripped the armrest a little tighter and squeezed her eyes shut right before they landed, or how she places a gentle kiss on the kid’s head every night before tucking him in. He doubted she was aware, but she sticks her tongue out just a little bit and fiddles with her necklace when she’s concentrating. Sometimes she leaves little reminders around the ship for them both; they’re always signed with a smiley face at the end.

There were a few times he’d caught her humming to herself and dancing around on her toes. She was graceful- he wasn’t expecting that. For a fighter pilot with such a callous attitude, she was so delicate. So he stayed back, knowing she’d stop the moment she knew he was there.

Or how she left a third woven crown hanging from his seat in the cockpit. No, she didn’t wear a helmet, but it was pretty clear that she hid behind her own layer of beskar, too.

But they had never shared a moment like this: the girl slumped in the door frame, holding a drink out to him with a straw stuck in it. The child toddled over to her.

“Hey little dude!” she put the drink on the floor and held her arms out to him. “Look, sorry I’m back just a little smidgen of a bit late,” she said, words slurring, bopping him lightly on the nose. “I sorta kinda,” the girl’s voice didn’t get any quieter as she tried to whisper, “forgot where we were parked.” She shook her head and held a finger to her lips, “Don’t tell Mando.”

The Mandalorian let out a sigh loud enough to be heard through the vocoder and her head whipped around to face him. “I’m-” she started to get up, “I’m sorry I’m a little bit,” she held on to the wall as she stumbled forward, “a little bit late.” With a huff she gave up and sat back down on the floor, but continued to scootch herself closer to him, only stopping a foot or so before his feet.

Still, he was silent, and the color seemed to drain from her face. Under the cold stare of his visor, she tucked her head back like a child expecting to be scolded. After a few moments, she glanced nervously around the room, looking anywhere besides where she knew his eyes would be. She couldn’t tell the man in front of her was doing everything in his power to stifle a laugh as she struggled to sit up straight.

“Hey, so you’re actually a reeaallly quiet person,” she said softly, fidgeting a bit, “and I don’t know if you know or realize it or not, or if it’s on purpose, b- but when you go all quiet like this I really don’t know- I mean I’m terrible at reading the room anyways- but I can’t tell if you’re mad and I just-”

He cut her off. “I’m not mad.” Her face lit up slightly. Honestly, he wished he was angry. He should have been angry. His ship was a mess. But when she sat in front of him like this, he found it hard to be even the slightest bit irritated. He’d asked her to be back before nightfall, and for once she didn’t ask why or argue back.

“Oh.” She smiled softly then leaned all the way back so that her head skimmed the floor. She reached behind her, grabbing the blue drink and sliding it forward as she sat back up. “It was fun. Probably not your scene, I don’t really know, but the music was good, you would have liked that. You should have come.”

With a sigh, the Mandalorian rose to his feet and held a hand out to her, offering to help her up. She smiled again and let him pull her to her feet, immediately placing a hand on his shoulder to steady herself. His hand landed on her waist to keep her upright. “I don’t really do parties.”

She looked up at him. Somehow, even in her intoxicated state, she always managed to look him directly in the eye. “Yeah, I know. Sorta figured. To be really honest with you though, neither do I, I just wanted to do something a little bit different, yah know?”

“I know.”

They stood there in silence for a minute, then she rested her head against his chest. He froze. She’d never shown an ounce of affection, let alone stand together like this. He knew she was drunk. He guessed the girl wouldn’t remember this in the morning. But still, he held her tightly and savored the moment. It couldn’t have been comfortable, but she leaned against him anyway.

“But the credits I’d give to see you dance in this tin-man suit,” she knocked on his chest and giggled.

“I don’t really dance.”

“Liar. You can so dance. No way you’re that quiet and sneaky and can’t.” Her nose scrunched up as she scoffed at him, poking at his chest plate. “Me, however, whew, you really don’t know what you missed, shiny. You’re holding the worst dancer on this side of the galaxy.”

His head cocked to the side and he paused, watching her poke fun at herself, thinking of all the times he’d caught her tiptoeing around with the child. All the times she would sing quietly and swing her hips while out and about. The words slipped out of his mouth before he could stop them, “No I’ve seen you dance, you dance all the time.”

Her lips parted as a confused look fell across her face. He couldn’t fully read her expression, but it was clear a million thoughts were flooding her brain. He was instantly worried that he’d offended her. Not only had he invaded her privacy- he admitted it to her face. He worried she’d step away and the moment would end, that she’d go to bed and leave in the morning, taking her pay and her bag. But with one eyebrow raised and a soft smile playing across her face, she wrapped both arms around his neck.

“So I guess you owe me one then, huh? I brought you back a drink and everything.”

-----

You picked up on his almost inaudible laugh even through the modulator. Sure, you’d had a few drinks. You had been a little past the point of tipsy as you neared the Crest, but you were coming to your senses now. Were you over-exaggerating your state of mind? Most indefinitely. You couldn’t help it, though. The last 3 weeks had been an absolute shit-show.

You were fine until the end of the first week, then you started to get worried. The thought of him kept you up at night, so you told yourself that there was no way you could have possibly missed him. You only cared because this was your wellbeing now. I mean, before you got this position you spent every minute alone, too. This wasn’t any different.

Except that it was. And you hated that it was. This was just supposed to be another job. Somehow this man in a metal suit had weaseled his way into a soft spot in your heart.

He’d been so patient. Sure, you knew how to fly a ship, and you’re not clueless when it comes to mechanics, but this ship was unlike anything you’d seen before. So he taught you.

When he came back bloodied and bruised, he’d explain exactly what he needed you to do. In one instance he had gently guided your hand, slowly realizing he didn’t have to patch himself up anymore. Maybe he liked having you there. It was impossible to tell; maker, the few times you’d tried small talk it seemed to push him away even further.

But you didn’t want him further away.

You wanted him right here.

Figured that one out week two.

Week three the kid decided you didn’t need sleep. He cried and whined until you hung up that makeshift strand of lights. Then he sat and stared up at them like they were the most beautiful thing in the galaxy. So you made more things to pass the time. And more. And more.

You don’t even remember finally falling asleep, so waking up in the cot was a surprise. You slipped out of bed to figure out what was going on but stopped dead in your tracks when you heard him laugh.

The hatch to the cockpit was open, and from the low angle, you could just barely see the child sitting on the Mandalorian’s lap.

“It looks cute on you, kid.” The baby giggled and reached out for his arms. The wire crown was sitting on his head again. “How does mine look?”

The crown you barely remembered making for him during the third-week fever dream was clearly resting on his head, atop the helmet and all. The baby cooed.

When you landed he practically announced that the day was yours and you were free to go off and enjoy yourself. You thought about asking him to tag along but worried it’d be overstepping. Maker, the man had to have been just as, or even more, exhausted as you. Your pity didn’t run too deep, though. You knew it was selfish, but you hoped that maybe he’d want to be with you.

You tried your hardest to not seem disappointed when you turned to see him still in the hull as you strode down the gangway. You walked to clear your mind before popping into a cantina, which ended up being the center of life, and finding peace with the bottle.

The buzz had almost completely worn off by now, and you were back. And he was back. And he was holding you like he couldn’t risk letting you go.

-----

He looked down at her and let out a sigh. “Next time, sweet girl. We need to get you to bed before you’re out on the floor.”

Her face flushed pink at the sound of his words. Stars, at least he hoped that was why. He could practically see the wheels turning behind her eyes asking, ‘sweet girl? When did you get so soft on me?’

She pushed up on her toes, flattening her body completely against his. Her arms were still around his neck, and he carefully brought his hands together behind her waist. Had he not been wearing the kriffing helmet he would have been able to feel her breath against his neck as she nestled herself impossibly closer.

“Can I tell you a secret?” she whispered.

He gave a curt nod, his body stiff and tense under her.

“I wanted to leave the second after it started,” Her voice dropped even lower and her eyes fluttered shut, “... figured it’d be more fun here with you.”

His heart stilled as he realized her invisible beskar helmet had been lifted. He hoped it fell from her shoulders and rolled down the ramp, was lost in the night, maybe even stolen by scavengers, never to be seen between the two of them again.

She could feel his grip on her back tighten as his head relaxed onto her shoulder.

“Tomorrow night we’ll stay in,” his voice was just loud enough to pass through the modulator.

A smile crept across her face, “I’ll hold you to it, Mando.”

“I’m a man of my word.”

“I know.”

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kettlequills · 3 years

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That thing about Miraak in service of different daedra makes me wonder how a Miraak ruled by Sanguine would act

well my first response is awkwardly, but this is an intriguing question so i've added some more thoughts.

miraak as i write him is an extremely reserved individual. he doesn't really act on his desires out of acceptable parameters imposed by others, bottles them up until they come out sideways. he won't reach out to people for hugs unless they come to him, for example. mostly this is avoiding vulnerability, but miraak is also genuinely quite predisposed to find most forms of loss of control immensely upsetting, and has been conditioned to see everything in life as a power struggle in which there is a victor and a victim.

he doesn't like sex that much because he is dysphoric about his inability to control his appearance, he doesn't enjoy drinking because it muddles his mind and makes it hard for him to restrain his true feelings, which usually gets him into trouble, he doesn't like violence because he finds it callous and cruel after a long time of being exposed to it himself without recourse (though it should be noted that due to his vast desensitisation to violence through his upbringing, what miraak considers violence is more on the scale of unforgiveably brutal war crimes rather than you know. violence as we would think it), he doesn't really indulge in anything because he fears it either being taken from him or fears losing control to it - besides, ironically, his pursuit for more power to control himself and in turn others.

he is actually strikingly honourable for a guy of his time handed the deal he was, he doesn't like lying or evading fights, he doesn't run away, and he doesn't like pretending to be what he's not. he is duplicitous because he's had to be, and he's pretty uneasy about it, covers it with self-aggrandizing bullshit that essentially masks that he doesn't like the fact he perceives himself as a failure. miraak judges according to his personal code of honour (though he would insist it is nothing as "weak" as ethics), and is almost completely unshakeable from this even when his actions dont reflect it or its very unwise. and he is very internally judgemental.

this is all pretty counter to sanguine's whole, thing. a miraak who ended up with sanguine did not end up there willingly, he was almost certainly tricked every step of the process. miraak's hackles would be up faster than you could say "eternal damnation" at sanguine's usual shtick of temptation and partying, because miraak has not relaxed a day in his damn life.

however, where they do overlap is a penchant for cruelty, humiliation, and manipulation. miraak enjoys having control over others, and he can be a pretty cruel and petty person about it. he has very little respect for the boundaries of others and a lot of ego. i could see a miraak who has been trapped in sanguine's realm long enough for his anger and fury at being trapped there to turn to bitterness and spite at the rest of the world, and just as his repressed desires tend to come out sideways for him so would this. he would be very puckish, basically.

in oblivion, sanguine asks the hok to prank a party by removing everyone's clothes. in skyrim, he pranks the dragonborn by forcing them into multiple humiliating situations they don't remember having caused. in eso, he traps people at an eternal party by making them drink from a goblet, either until they die of alcohol poisoning or just forever, i don't know. to the khajiit he is the blood cat, who rules over all instincts of the flesh and tempts khajiit with immortality.

and there, i think we have our crossover. a miraak who is bloodthirsty for the death of dragons to the point of madness, who is interested primarily in gaining power through any means necessary, including murdering or hurting others, as i think his objection to violence is the easiest one for him personally to overcome. he would be a lot more physical i think, more prone to outright brawls or hand-to-hand fights than canon equivalent, and certainly significantly less emotionally reserved. partly because it's easier than indulging in some of the other emotions he has, partly because sanguine, at least in recent games, doesnt present on the surface as immediately violent though he is indisputably malicious, and it would become a form of rebellion for miraak - can't have your fun tormenting this mortal until they die of overdose if miraak just strangles them within a few minutes.

i think he would be significantly more likely to humiliate and outwit his foes for the most devastating defeats, and is likely to visit upon them any amount of cruelty his code of honour allows for. i think he would rely on his dragon aspect a lot, and cultivate an extremely feral, animalistic manner in style of the dragons as a means of protecting his vulnerable human self through means of aggressively leaning into a different part of his nature, when directly worked upon to indulge himself.

when freed or no longer in a directly challenging situation (e.g. in downtime), miraak would be seven-lies deep and counting at any given time. almost incapable of honesty with himself or with others, he is consistently tricksy, manipulative. he remains extremely vain, and would encourage kinkplay that becomes unhealthily obsessive for others, particularly ones in which he does not have to be personally physically involved. in short, he would cleave tightly to the concept of rebelliousness as his key characteristic, and would oppose sanguine's effect on himself urging him to lose control of himself by instead seizing control of others and encouraging them to lose control. thereby making him the perfect servant and companion to sanguine, who would no doubt find miraak's deflection attempts amusing and useful both.

#ask games #thanks nonny this was a cool idea #miraak

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geekygoddesss · 4 years

Text

The Boyfriend Tag [Calum Hood Edition]

Summary: an unfiltered interview featuring Calum Hood and his girlfriend.

Words: 4.7k

“Hello! I’m Calum Hood, from 5 seconds of summer” He greets to the camera.

“My name is (Y/n) and I am dating this guy. Today! we are going to be answering this tag thing” I answer in a more excited tone, as I point at the camera.

“The whole band has done it, it’s only fair I do it as well” He mentions “We’re currently at home, where we all should be” He says, looking at the surroundings of our sweet home “...so we have more than enough time to get to this”

I smile “And here it is”

_______

How did we first meet?

“Through friends” Calum explains shortly “it was nothing super special, sadly, she just happened to be friends with one of my friends and that’s how it happened” he shrugged.

There was really not much to tell, Our story simply happened in a very natural way.

“My friend invited me to LA and I met him in...If I’m not mistaken it was at a brunch party?” I explain.

“You’d be right” he nods “then a series of things happened and she ended up joining our team”

I smile to the camera “In case you didn’t know. I’m a music editor, I like producing and tweaking, so you could say we would see each other a lot” I shrug.

“And things happened, went on a couple of dates, did my magic…” he added, moved his fingers in front of the camera in a funky way and finished with a “...and here we are”.

Where was our first date?

“We went to a concert” I exclaimed, growing really excited at the memory “it was crazy, we literally started with a bang”

“Yep and it wasn’t planned at all” he laughs, rubbing his jaw with his hand as he spoke “I originally had the plan to go with Ashton to this Chainsmokers show, we wanted to take advantage of that to talk with Drew and Alex after, but Ashton got really sick and since I had the ticket and couldn’t just let it go to waste, I asked this beauty to go with me” he said, reaching over to squish my cheek.

I move away as an instinct, but I love it.

“It was awesome, those guys really put up a good show” I add, smiling as I spoke “I got really drunk that night”

Fun fact. I don’t know what came over to me the night of our first date, but for some reason, alcohol played a big part that night, it was embarrassing, but it was worth it. After all, we made a great memory out of it.

“Tell me about it” Calum said, rolling his eyes.

I blushed, but before he could say anything else, I swang over to him and covered his mouth “Shhh” I giggle, scotting over to his side “He kind of babysat me, sorry babe” I said, uncovering his mouth.

“Kind of?” he asked with a sarcastic tone “Geez, I can’t even answer to that. Next question, I don’t want to tell this story” he said, shaking his head.

I roll my eyes “Drama queen” I shrug “I got drunk and he had to take care of the rest, it was both fun and weird”.

“Next” he states, passing on to the next question.

What was your first impression of me?

I have to take a moment to answer this question, not because I don’t know what I like, but because I struggle remembering what exactly was that caught my attention. It only took me a few seconds to answer.

“My first impression of you was that you were really quite but still very present in the room” I speak first “it’s hard to explain, because we literally met in the middle of a conversation but basically” I try to explain, shifting a little in my place “I remember standing in one place and hearing stories from other people, I was completely not familiar with anything, I didn’t know any of them so everything they said was pretty much new, but you always had a fun insert to add, even though you barely spoken that was something that stood out for me a lot” I say, nodding towards him.

“Mine was more or less the same, actually” he says, acting surprised about my answer “because you’re always very quiet when being on a crowd and that stuff, you always stand back from having too much attention” he explain. “it’s funny because, the first day I met you I remember, I greeted you and all, we didn’t really talked to each other and I didn’t hear you talk either, however, when our food delivery came in the first thing I heard you say was ‘yo, I bet you can’t sniff of this paprika’” he says, a smile growing on his face, until full giggles starting coming out of his lips.

“Did you really had to say that on camera?” I sigh, acting annoyed, but I really wasn’t.

“It was hilarious” he says, still laughing.

I know this is a fact that kind of embarrass me, but watching laugh it off was completely priceless.

When did you meet my family?

“I met your family on the day you launched your third album” I start answering the question, as soon as he finishes reading. “it was such a big moment and you flew everyone in, it was the first time I ever got to interact with your mother and -well- everyone, as your girlfriend and not just a friend” I explain “also it was the first time I stayed over at your place for more than two nights”

“It was a extended pijama party” he mention, nodding at the camera with a serious look “no, uh, there’s a reason behind all that. When it came to this situations, I very much preferred for her to stay at mines while my family was in there than to have her alone at her apartment, so I took the chance” He shrugged, reaching over to pat my tight. “It was fun!”

“It was very fun” I nod agreeing “I love how your mom takes the lead in the kitchen and no matter what you say, she is the one in charge” I laugh, remembering all those discussion for who was the first cooking dinner at the house.

“Mom doesn’t love my cooking” Calum admits with a sigh.

I nod “I don’t know why, if I’m honest” I add“She makes some exceptional fish and chips though, it’s just...”

I have to close my eyes to add some drama into all these. I loved food, and that was definitely one of the best meals I’ve had in a long time. I knew Cal’s mom loved to cook, and it was an honour for me to try her meals, they were heaven on earth.

“Yeah I know” he chuckles “How did I meet yours?” he asks to himself and sighs “I didn’t”

My jaw tenses a little, I don’t know how I didn’t see this coming but I didn’t care at all.

“I’m an orphan, don’t cry for me, I’m fine, I don’t need to talk about it” I state, moving over to his side and hugging him “you are my family”

He smiles softly at me. “Yes I am, baby” he says kissing my forehead. “Next”

Who said “I love you” first?

“Eh...I did” I admit, with a shy smile on my face “guilty” I add, raising my hand.

“She did” he seconds, pointing at him. “it was adorable”

That phrase made me cringe for some reason. Not that I denied it wasn’t adorable, it was just some awkward moment that I came out of me and I still feel unsure of. I am not often the one who speaks up, so doing this was pretty ballsy.

“Was it?” I ask, unsure “It was too soon, I dont know...”

“It was alright, really” he says, shaking his head and going over to rub on my arm a little “we were having one of our famous, drink and watch, where we watch movies and every time something specific happens, we drink a shot” he starts telling the story, also making the fun add on of our usual date nights.

“And I was like, woooh woooh” I say, trying to imitate that very moment. I lean over him, and leaning my head too close to his, I press my head on his cheek and whisper “I loaf you, Cayum” making it coming out as a loud muffled sound.

“God dammit” he giggles moving away just a little “I mean, it did sound like that, but it was cute and I said it back” he says, rounding his arm around my shoulders and pulling me closer.

“At first I felt weird because I thought I shouldn’t have said it right there at that moment, but if I’m honest” I add “I was fine”

“We were fine” he continues, leaning in to kiss my temple “more than fine”

What dressing do I always wear?

I look at him up and down. It’s kind of funny, because with this whole situation, we both happen to be in our pajamas, so our dressing code has been turned around for the moment. My vision of what he could be wearing on the daily has been distorted.

“Pfff” I sigh “I don’t know, I really don’t” I confess. “You are very weird with fashion, I must say, I don’t think you often wear the same thing” I say, looking over at him.

“I sure do, I can think of a couple things” He says, smiling at me with a teasing smile, silently encouraging me to think.

“Well, you do wear hoodies often, at home mostly” I say, being the first thing I can think of

“Like this one, actually, it’s like your morning hoodie” I giggle, reaching over to tug on the hood.

He was wearing that very soft white hoodie he would reach over to every morning, if there was a little bit of a breeze out there. She loved it, it was a nice piece of clothing to hug him in.

“There you go, see?” He chuckles, shaking his head “Mine is easy because every day of your life you wear socks that reach your ankles and beyond” He smiles, looking down at my feet and staring at my socks.

“Ding ding ding!” I celebrate, smiling at him “You are so right!” I laugh.

He nods, he knows he was right.

“Show the public, please” he suggests, giving me the honours.

“I have pineapples today” I say, lifting my foot as much as I can and holding it up to the camera. “Yesterday I had dogs and I have all kind of patterns, I love collecting socks” I smile, looking down at the pretty pattern and admiring it.

“It’s a fun thing to collect, I like it a lot actually” He admits, staring at it too “Do you have your 5SOS socks already?” he asks, as I lower my leg to its previous position.

I roll my eyes “Oh, shut it” I groan, he breaks to laugh and he knows why. “you didn’t let me design socks for your merch, now I don’t want anything” I say, scooting away from him

“Right” he laughs, shaking his head and laughing “Next question”.

Weird habit of each other?

“I know one of yours” he says before I can even answer. He turns to me, looking at me with a mysterious smile. “I’m going to leave it at your choice, should I tell or should I not?”

I look at him with the same look he gives to me, trying to see in him what he had in mind. I might have some weird habits, I was just hoping he wouldn’t pull out the worst.

“Shoot” I say, glaring at him.

“Everything you do, you find a way to relate it to a meme” he says, looking straight at me and laughing as he speaks “I don’t even know how you do it, you just do”

“Oh man! that’s not that bad, but I wasn’t expecting that at all” I laugh as well, finding it kind of funny that we went in with this one “I don’t think you have a bad habit, but, if I must say one, I would say your silence” I say slowly, not really sure if that even count. “you are one quite soul, Cal” I add, bumping our shoulders together

“Am I?” He says, raising an eyebrow up as he spoke.

I nod “It’s like, sometimes I ask you something and you just do this” I explain, resting my head over my chin and looking straight at him, saying nothing but still saying much. “I’m not a mind reader, pal” I mumble, still looking at him.

He leans over and touches my forehead with his, looking at me straight in the eyes and mumbling. “You should know what it means”

I roll my eyes. “Uh huh”

He would never admit his silence was weird, but that’s okay, it was something of him that I really liked.

How long have we been together?

“Almost two years” Calum says, his voice sounding sort of surprised as he spoke.

“It doesn’t feel like two years, how scary” I add, leaning my head on his shoulder “I feel like time really flies lately, these past two years between working with you, having all these changes and moving to this city, I felt like it’s only been a couple months” I mention, reflecting about all of the little things that have led us to this moment.

“That happens when you’re having fun baby”

I smile, bumping my shoulder to his “It’s been the best two years, I hope you know that”

What was our first road trip?

“Here’s the thing” he says, taking the lead “We often do small road trips to little parts of the city, so I would dare to say our first road trip together was... Mexico?” he says, looking at me in doubt.

“I think so, I’m not sure” I say, thinking about it as well. “but I think our most special trip was not even a road trip, it was a full on trip, remember?”

He frowns a little, turning to look at me looking for more clues. I didn’t gave more information away, if he knows, he knows.

“Which one?” He asks, still thinking about it.

“The first trip we did together, we were around 8 months, I would say” I say, still maintaining the mystery, until I decided to drop it. “We went to Australia, made a stop for three days and then New Zealand” I explain.

“Oh that’s right! yeah, you are right” he nods energetically at my answer. “We went visiting my family and exploring, it was a whole deal” he explain, now with a smile on his face.

“I think that even counts as a road trip, we used your uncle’s jeep, visited some awesome places” I say, smiling as well “I loved it, I always wanted to go to Auckland and having the chance of exploring the city was the best thing ever”

He nods, agreeing with me. That particular trip was the first trip we ever did together as a couple and it was worth every second.

“I had fun too, it was a very special time” He agrees. “Fun fact, a song came out of that trip, and you would never guess which one, but if you do, let me know and I might tell a story” He states, pointing at the camera, and looking at it with a completely serious look.

“Please do, guess” I chuckle at that statement “That story is going to fuck me up”

First thing you noticed about me?

“Now this is a question I like a lot” Calum states, sitting up straight and getting excited about his answer “Here’s the thing, the first time I met you was on this brunch thing and it was... a private event” he starts “it was interesting because in this event they had like a whole dancing thing, musicians, a DJ... the thing is, there was a particular moment of the event where they were playing jazz and the way she lost it while listening to that... that was priceless” he noticed, smiling at me “the way you lose yourself with music it’s something I won’t ever get tired of” he said in honest words.

That statement made my heart warm up. Those were one of the most adorable things he had ever said to me.

“Thank you” I said, with a hand on my chest. “The first thing I noticed about you is how good you are with words” I said, as part of my answer “I think some people, especially guys, sometimes come out as assholes when they want to cause a good impression, but surprisingly, he was the first guy who when he first came up to me, I felt comfortable” I shrug, looking at the camera and smiling softly.

There was really not much to say, I felt like my answer said a lot.

Calum smiled softly at me and reached my place, and while he caught me in his arms he mumbled “Come here”.

And then we fall onto the floor, as we washes me in kisses.

Tell us a fun fact about you

We both stare blankly at different points as we think of an answer. It should be easier than this, but for some reason, it is being more difficult than we thought to come up with a good answer to fill in this question. We could say so many things, but none of them would be the most appropriate one for this.

“Fun fact” I start, after our moment of silence “the first time we kissed, very first time, I was really drunk, but I would say, it wasn’t that noticeable or at least that’s what I thought”

I see Calum notices what I am saying right away, because once I start my story, his face goes from a frown to a surprised expression very quickly. Suddenly everything taking a bit of sense for him.

“I know where you’re going” he says, shaking his head.

“He asked me how it felt, like the kiss, how I felt about it” I continue “and I said ‘Ew’”

I wish I could help it, but everytime I tell a story like this, I can’t help but breaking to laugh, without having enough control over myself. I almost have to lay back, because I am laughing so much I can hardly sit still, but I don’t do that, I just hold on to my boyfriend and do my thing. I was such a fun story, the embarrassing part of it worn off completely by how funny it was.

“That was the most discouraging moment of my life” He explains, joining as well into my little laughing fit and shaking his head.

“I know, I’m sorry” I said, cleaning a small tear off my eye “I didn’t mean it! I was drunk, plus, I think I say ew and ouch out of its context more times that I could count” I mention.

“Now, that is very true” he says, laughing as well as he turns his look back at the camera and mumbles “Next question”

Tell us a secret

“No” Calum says.

So we move on to the next question.

What am I good at?

“She’s excellent at cooking the best things in the worst times” Calum explains as soon as he’s given the chance “and what I mean by this is that, most of the time when there’s a storm or, just like a month ago, we were confined and she would do deserts like everyday, It was so good I would forget for a second about what was surrounding me” He admitted, looking at me for a second before going back at the camera.

“I’m glad you like it” I smile, suddenly feeling very excited. “I do instagram lives every time I cook, It’s a lot of fun” I add.

He nods “You see me in the back, like, ‘what’s that white spongy thing?’” he mentions, making a weird voice just for laughs.

I giggle. “What’s that white dust on the table?” I follow, completely being aware of the double-sense.

“Is that mint? Or cilantro?” He adds.

“Oh geez” I laugh, at that last one. “People roast me in the comments all the time, because I make stuff like, burritos, or maybe chicken teriyaki, and then you come over and can’t eat anything” I roll my eyes, shaking my head at the camera.

He presses his lips together at my mention and nods.

“I don’t eat meat” he mentions, shrugging “but I don’t mind at all, I don’t care if you eat meat”

I nod “I always prepare like one ratio and leave some for if you wanna try, but…” I shrug “I wouldn’t tease you into it”

“I know babe” He says, going to reach my cheek and pinch it.

I move away from his touch as I say “I’m not even going to answer this so… next!”

Favorite feature about each other?

“His face is the stretchiest ever” I say with excitement in my voice.

Without a doubt, I get up and walk right behind him, because I just need to do something. It's a necessity, this is something I do on the daily, showing the public was something I wanted to do so badly.

“Look at this” I said, placing my hands on his cheeks and squishing them…stretching… squishing… stretching… squishing… I had so much fun.

“I have so much fun doing this, it’s like playdough in my hands” I say, caressing my boyfriends face.

“Okay, alright” he laughs, taking my hands away from his face. “My favourite thing is this” he says, still holding onto my hands and suddenly tugging on them hard.

Before I even noticed, he was grabbing both of my arms together, and with great skill, he pulled my whole body over his shoulders, and as he got up from his seat and walked back.

“What?!” I yelled loudly “Put me down!”

He does as I said, and as he walked to the back of the room, he let me down right beside him.

“She’s so tiny” he laughed, ruffling my hair playfully “I can carry her in my bag”

I rolled my eyes “No, I’m not” I whined “Stop”

He laughed again, and as he lifted his arm, and rested his elbow on my head. “See this (Y/n) to Calum ratio” he mocks “I’m half a person”

“Perfect size” I giggle, pushing him aside playfully. “Now that you’ve exposed my height, can we keep going please?” I say, almost begging.

If we kept going with this, I could easily turn from funny to not so funny anymore.

What do we argue about the most?

Once again, we stay quiet for a good second, but not because we don’t know, it’s because there was really not an specific answer we could give. I don’t we even knew what to say.

“I would say, the majority of times, we argue for the most dumb things you could imagine” I say, answering for the both of us “But about serious things, it’s something very rare” I shrug.

“I think our trending topic when discussing about something, it’s about me misspelling words when writing, and her losing it” he says, pointing at us and totally throwing me a look.

“Dude” I sigh “Because then people will read and take it the wrong way, not cool” I argue.

“It doesn’t matter, you just explain” he shrugs, completely not caring.

“You need to listen, that’s what you need to do” I roll my eyes “Read a book, punk” I let out.

His eyes widen at my answer. “Oh is that it?” He says looking at me directly.

I crack a smile, going to hug him, before he thought I was serious about this. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding” I let him know.

I would never tell him something like that on purpose.

Nicknames for each other?

I sigh. “Sadly, I don’t have anything other than Cal, and all the regular sappy nicknames” I shrug “I know I’m terrible, sue me, I don’t care”

I speak honestly, all super creative nicknames were over thought and they could be weird sometimes. I was too classy to use anything overly new.

“That’s mean, because I do have a couple of names for you” he mentions “Sweetie pie, Baby… The others I can’t reveal” he says slowly, patting my thigh with his hand.

my nose scrunches “Why?” I ask.

“They’re very confidential, you should know that” he says, shaking his head.

I shrug. “If I’m honest, I don’t know” I giggle “But I’ll keep the secret if that’s what you want”

He smiles, and leaving kiss on my cheek, we move on to the next question.

Complete this sentence “You’re my……..”?

“Oh, this is the famous question” he says after reading the question out loud. A smile cracking on his face as he looked at me.

“Was there a famous question?” I asked, raising my eyebrow.

“All the guys were talking about this one, I’m sure you guys are enjoying this” he smiled at the camera and pointing at It. “Luke’s girl cried” he mentioned to me.

My eyes widen “Did she?” I say, my mouth forming a pout “Oh man, I haven’t seen that” I sigh “You first”

He nods, already knowing that he would be the one taking the lead first.

“You are my saviour” he says, going to grab my hand. “I know it might sound sappy and you hate it, but it’s the truth. Before you I was a lonely guy, even when I had friends, I still felt pretty lonely, and I really appreciate the fact that I found someone who I can talk to, share moments… someone who I can lean on, It’s something that really gets me thinking… If it wasn’t for you, I would be sad” he says, pressing his lips together as he looked at me.

“Really?” I asked in a whisper. He nods. “Cal…”

I wish I could keep it together, but hearing him say something like this… I’m front of a camera. It doesn’t seem like a big deal, we’ve been in these kinds of situations before, but right now, it felt different, and it felt special.

“No, baby, don’t” he chuckles when sees my eyes starting to Glow. “See?” He tells the camera with a smile.

“I don’t even know what to say…” I sigh, shaking my head “You’re my partner” I say smiling. “Probably sounds weird, because it’s obvious, but I mean it, you’re my best friend, I love spending time with you, I always look forward to be with you and have you by my side, I can tell you everything and I trust you more than anyone, I think being with you is without a doubt, the best decision I have ever taken in my life” I admit.

The grin on his face is a real one, and once I finish with my words, he gives a squeeze to my hands, and leaves a kiss in both of them.

“Come here, baby” he whispers, pulling my into his arms. “I love you, I love you, I love you” he says, kissing my cheek a lot.

“You’re squishing me” I laugh “I love you so much, a million times, more than you do”

And more than he could imagine…

_____

“So, this was our version of the girlfriend and boyfriend tag, I hope you enjoyed” I say first, as I smiled to the camera.

“We also hope this brought you enough entertainment during this time, we for sure had a good time doing it” He continues for me, waving at the camera. “Until the next time, and remember to stay safe, bye!”

With this, we both lift our hands, and wave energetically at the camera, we turn of the camera, and our version of this tag was completed.

It was a wrap!.

#calum hood imagines #calum hood blurb #calum hood blurbs #calum hood x reader #luke hemmings imagines #michael clifford imagines #ashton irwin imagines #luke hemmings blurbs #ashton irwin blurbs #michael clifford blurbs #5sos fanfic #5sos blurb #5sos blurbs

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interstellarflowers · 4 years

Text

wish you were sober | billy hargrove x reader x steve harringon |

wish you were sober

billy hargrove x reader x steve harrington

summary: parties weren’t your thing, and maybe billy wasn’t either

a/n: hey everyone this is my first shot at writing a stranger things fic, and obviously my first time writing billy so i hope it’s okay! just a disclaimer, i dont condone billy’s behavior in stranger things and if you find yourself in an abusive relationship romantic or otherwise, please seek help! that being said this is inspired by conan gray’s wish you were sober i suggest listening to it while reading, also! the gif isn’t mine! im honestly not sure who made it but credit to them!

song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RHyE_erqAe0

tw: angst, language

This party's shit, wish we could dip

Go anywhere but here

Parties were so not your scene. Alcohol wasn’t your thing, dancing anywhere outside of your room was out of the question and the music was deafeningly loud. So why were you here? Oh right, Billy fucking Hargrove. How could you even begin to describe your relationship with Billy Hargrove? The only way that you could think to describe it was the same way that you would describe Billy himself, soft in the middle, rough around the edges and full of fluctuations. One second you would feel like you were on top of the world, and the next you would feel as if you’d hit rock bottom. If you got to close you were sure to get cut but the closer you got the better it felt, the more it opened up. Sometimes you weren’t sure if you were talking about Billy or your relationship, sometimes you weren’t sure of anything.

Tonight, everything was on a downswing.

The day had started out fine, Billy drove you home from school and had managed to talk you into accompanying him to the party.

“It’ll be fine (y/n)!”

“What if it’s not?”

“It will be. Now go put on something nice so we can get going.” You sighed but complied, you knew that you’d do anything for him because you had just always assumed that he’d do the same. Assumed.

Not even ten minutes were you at the party and he was already at the keg stand doing exactly what Billy does best, being a reckless little shit. Having left you for alcohol so early on you found yourself frozen, so here you were.

“(y/n)!” Steve made a beeline for you through the crowd.

“Hey Steve.” you responded meekly,

“What’s up?”

“Oh you know, Billy.” you responded dryly, Steve’s face fell in disappointment.

Steve knew all about your dynamic relationship with Billy, the ups, the downs, but mostly the downs. Steve had been a good friend of yours since diapers so it was only natural that he would know everything about you and Billy,

“What now?” You nodded over in Billy’s direction as you and Steve watched him stumble towards you,

“Harrington.” Billy slurred shooting Steve a look that could kill.

Don't take a hit, don't kiss my lips

And please don't drink more beer

“And that’s when Steve makes an exit,” Steve says patting your back and disappearing back into the crowd,

“What did he want?”

“Nothing Billy, he’s my friend, you know that.”

“I don’t like him.”

“I know you don’t like him Billy.”

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing Billy,” you shifted your gaze to the floor, refusing to look Billy in the eye, you didn’t feel like expressing your disappointment in him, you just wanted to make it through the night so that you could just go home,

“I know,” Billy gave you one of his classic smirks failing to notice how you looked down, “You need a drink.”

“Billy, I don’t really drink-”

“Oh? So you don’t want to drink it?” Billy moved his face closer to yours, lifting your chin up, his breath smelt of beer and something else that you were pretty sure you could place as weed.

“Billy please don’t-”

He did anyways, he tasted how he smelt, and you didn’t like it. You waited for him to pull away and watched as he turned to get more beer,

“Billy.” you said over the crowd with a soft tone,

“(y/n).” he turned around, sending shivers down your spine, and not in the way you liked,

“Please don’t drink more beer.” He only laughed and continued walking away.

I'ma crawl outta the window now

'Cause I don't like anyone around

Kinda hope you're following me out

But this is definitely not my crowd

As the night went on it only got worse, Billy seemed to have an inhuman tolerance for alcohol as he downed one after the other. Ignoring you, leaving you to sit alone.

You sat at the edge of the pool, your shoes off with just up to your ankles submerged in the chlorinated water. You were taken out of your thoughts when someone over by the porch screamed,

“COPS! EVERYBODY RUN!”

You quickly stood up stumbling to put your shoes on as you rapidly searched the crowd for Billy, failing to be able to see him through the masses. You finally got your shoes back on and pushed your way through everyone still searching for Billy, you kept searching until you found yourself face to face with a certain someone everyone had been running from-

“(y/l/n)?” Hopper stared at you astonished to see Jane’s on and off babysitter at a party like this,

“Hopper?”

“What are you doing here?” Tears started to well up in your eyes as you struggled to create sentences,

“I want to go home…” you managed to squeak out. Hopper nodded silently before briefly leaving to scan the grounds, having found that everyone else had managed to escape, you followed Hopper to his car.

“Thank you.” you said quietly as you strapped yourself in,

“It’s no problem,” Hopper paused for a second testing the waters, “But I really have to ask (y/n), what in the world were you doing there?”

You shook your head at him and Hopper respected that whatever your reasons were that you didn’t want to talk about it. He decided not to press further, he knew that you were a good kid, so whatever you were doing there, he trusted you.

On the drive home the car was silent but your mind was buzzing with thoughts of Billy. You swore that you could still taste the alcohol from his lips. Every minute or so you couldn’t help but look out the rear view window, wishing that Billy was following you home to say that he was sorry or to at least say goodnight.

“Here we are,” Hopper pulled over in front of you house,

“Thank you.” you said as you got out of his car,

“(y/n)?” you turned to look at him, “Don’t let anybody make you do anything you don’t want to do, okay?” You nodded firmly and thanked him again before shutting the passenger seat of the car door and quietly letting yourself into your house.

It was dark, good. The last thing you needed was to deal with your dad tonight, his bedroom door was shut and the lights were off in there too, which meant that you were safe. You took note that your parent’s car wasn’t in the driveway which meant that your Mom was out with one of her men on the side...again.

You lightly padded down the hallway and let out a sigh of relief as you finally shut your bedroom door.

“(y/n).” It was him, you turned your head to the right taking notice that your window had been left open.

“Billy.” You couldn’t lie, you were relieved to see him, but you couldn’t hide the hurt in your tone.

Nineteen but you act twenty-five now

Knees weak, but you talk pretty proud, wow

Ripped jeans and a cup that you just downed

Take me where the music ain't too loud

Trade drinks, but you don't even know her

Save me 'till the party is over

Kiss me in the seat of your Rover

Real sweet, but I wish you were sober

“(y/n),” Billy was hammered, “I didn’t realize that you didn’t escape too, I would have driven you home. So I came here and I’ve been waiting for you.”

“Billy, did you drive here?”

“Yeah, parked down the street.”

“Billy, you’re drunk.”

“(y/n), you’re pretty.” He gave you another classic smirk that only Billy Hargrove could do and placed a kiss to your lips. Alcohol still on his breath. You frowned,

“What’s wrong (y/n)?” you sighed and started to change into your pajamas,

“It’s nothing Billy.” you saw Billy watching you take your clothes off out of the corner of your eye but you didn’t really care in this moment all you could think about was how little Billy seemed to care about you.

“It’s not nothin’, you’re pissed.” Billy put his hands on his hips and faced you as you sighed and sat down on the edge of your bed,

“What is it (y/n)?” Billy moved in closer to you and kissed your forehead, “You’re so pretty, you know that?” He was too close right now. It was too much. You could feel the aftermath of the sound system in your eardrums and it still felt like a train was running through your body, the closer he got the stronger the stench of alcohol was, it was seriously too much, you forced your gaze away from him and your eyes fixated on a crack in your wooden floorboards,

“You’re sweet Billy, but I wish you were sober.”

I wish you were sober

Wish you were so, wish you were so, wish you were sober

I wish you were sober

“But (y/n), it was a party.”

“I know Bily, I’m sorry, I just, I just wish you were.”

“Sober?” he rolled his eyes at you, “I wish you were drunk.”

“I don’t want to be.” you said quietly as you continued to fixate your gaze on the floorboard.

Tripped down the road, walking home

You kissed me at your door

Pulling me close, begging me to stay over

But I'm over this rollercoaster

Billy’s face faltered and he ran his hands through his hair,

“Look, (y/n), I’m sorry okay? Let’s just go back to my place, and I’ll have you back before your dad even notices you’re gone, okay? Please?”

“Billy.”

“My dads not home, and Max is at her friend’s, it’ll just be you and me, and we can, we can just...We can just do. You know? Let’s just go (y/n), come on.”

“Billy please.”

“(y/n), let’s go. Love you, you know?.”

Billy never failed to put the “I” in the relationship never failing to completely leave behind his narcissistic ways despite this, Billy Hargrove never failed to leave the “I” out of “I love you.”

“Billy, I love you...I really love you but I’m over this rollercoaster. I’m sorry.”

“(y/n), what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I can’t do this anymore Billy.”

“Do what? (y/n), yes you can, you just said so.”

“Billy I’m sorry, but you have to leave.”

“(y/n), you love me, you can’t-”

“Yes Billy, I love you.”

“See? So why-”

“I love you but you’re killing me.”

Billy opened his mouth to respond, but quickly closed it again, he looked at the ground, at you, and then at the ground again before making his way out of your window, leaving you to sit on the edge of your bed tears falling onto your floor.

I'ma crawl outta the window now

Getting good at saying, "gotta bounce"

Honestly you always let me down

And I know we're not just hanging out

Billy had taught you how to do a few things without even meaning to. He taught you how to get good at hiding disappointment. He taught you to get really good at responding to “gotta bounce.” He taught you how to hold on tight on a rollercoaster. But most importantly he taught you what it was like to die without taking your final breath.

Nineteen but you act twenty-five now

Knees weak, but you talk pretty proud, wow

Ripped jeans and a cup that you just downed

Steve Harrington. You swore he was a different breed. He was eighteen but he acted like he was twenty-five, yeah, it was obnoxious sometimes, but just by looking at him you could tell that it was warranted. He never did tell you about what had happened in the past two years, all you knew was that there were just some things that were better left unsaid, and you were okay with that, you could understand that.

Steve Harrington was something that you could understand.

It started slowly, Monday morning after the incident Billy pulled up to your house in the morning only to see you getting into Steve’s car, smiling lightly as Dustin pouted in the backseat. Billy felt a pang in his chest but ignored it, figuring that all of this would blow over in a week, you loved him after all, and he did love you.

Steve Harrington drove you to school for the rest of that week, and the weeks following, weeks turned into months, and it was March. Three months since the incident and Billy never failed to loop around your block, just in case. Still in denial.

On the other hand, you had never felt better in your entire life. Steve was a breath of fresh air after breathing in smoke for so long. He had a special mixtape to sing along to on your morning commutes together, he would bring you coffee some mornings, and every day he would greet you with a bright smile and a,

“Good morning love.” There it was. You smiled at Steve, getting into his passenger seat. Billy had seen you smile before, but never like this, you smiled with your eyes.

“Gross” whined Dustin, “Get a room, and drive me to school already.” Steve chuckled and rolled his eyes,

“Aye aye captain.”

“Another party?”

“Yeah, I know you don’t like them,” you sat on Steve’s bed staring at the ceiling, “But I promised that I’d go and I don’t want to leave my best girl alone on a Friday night.”

“Not your girl Steve,” you giggle and Steve smiles and rolls his eyes making his way over to look you in the eyes,

“And I promise that I will not leave your side.”

Take me where the music ain't too loud

Trade drinks, but you don't even know her

Save me 'till the party is over

Kiss me in the seat of your Rover

Real sweet, but I wish you were sober

He didn’t. Steve Harrington didn’t leave your side the whole night. Regardless, you let him do his thing, zoning out and following him around like a lost puppy dog. Billy watched from a corner of the party, you and Steve seemed to be getting on nicely. Billy wished that he could say that he was happy that you were happy, he had always wished he could be someone like that, but he couldn’t. He downed his eighth drink of the night as he followed you with his eyes and all he could feel was hurt.

“(y/n)?” Steve had pulled you into a quieter part of the house,

“Steve.” you smiled up at him, wondering why the sudden shift in attitude,

“(y/n),” Steve took a deep breath looking you in the eye, “I need to tell you something. It’s really important and I’ve been meaning to say it for a while so, here it goes...I love you.”

Your chest squeezed before you masked your feelings, giggling and rolling your eyes at him,

“You’re drunk Steve.”

“Completely sober actually.” You met Steve’s eyes again,

“Are you for real?”

“Completely and one hundred percent real.”

“Well Steve, I love you too.” Steve smiled at you before leaning down to kiss you. His lips were soft and they tasted like cherry chapstick and rain.

Sober.

a/n i hope you liked it! thank you for reading! please reblog and like if you enjoyed! should i make a part two?

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uncloseted · 3 years

Note

i related to effy an unhealthy amount when i was only 13 when i first watched it, but at the time i wasnt doing drugs, homewrecking, doing anything that young lol. however i was extremely mentally ill but undiagnosed, and so confused but i found solace in effys character because of how similar i felt to her. flashforward to being 20 now and im a nic addict/borderline drug and alcohol addict that forgets to take my prescribed antidepressants and antipsychotics. i cant tell you how many events of effys life have mirrored mine now 7 years later, both the pretty but mostly the ugly. it all feels like a joke to me, and the thing is of course it wasnt effy the fictional character that did this to me, it was the fact that i was genetically and epically set up to do this to me for as long as i existed and i saw myself in her too young. everyone ive ever met and started to befriend has fallen in love with me, has found me beautiful, and then seen my flaws and hated me even if they didnt tell me to my face. ive been a horrible friend and partner and im flighty and unreliable and destructive. i never saw effy, or a person like effy, find a happy ending and im afraid even when im at my manic highs i will never find a lasting happiness and will always accidentally self sabotage until i die. what im trying to ask is, how can i save me? i know its dumb to ask a random tumblr user but ive been following this blog since i was 13-14 and since you know effy through and through, you might know a little about me. its a long shot. (i’d also like to say this isnt a cry for help and im safe/not actively suicidal so i dont want you to feel like theres any pressure like that, but i did use this ask box as a free therapy session.)

I'm a bit biased, but I don't think there's anything wrong with asking a random Tumblr user at all. I'm happy to be a free therapy session when you need one, and I'm really touched that you've trusted me with your thoughts and feelings for so long. Hopefully I've been some help over the years 😆

Coping with mental illness can be really, really hard, but the good news is that with the right tools and support system, you can absolutely recover. It sounds like you already have a psychiatrist in your life, which is a great start. If you've having trouble remembering to take your medication, it might help to set calendar reminders on your phone, set up text prompts to remind you to take your pills, to link taking your pills with something else you do every day (like brushing your teeth or eating breakfast), or to reward yourself for taking your medication (for example, putting a piece of candy in your pill box that you can eat after taking your pill).

If you don't have one already, a therapist might also be a good idea. It can take a while to find the right therapist for you, so schedule a few appointments and see which therapist you "click" with. A therapist can help you work through any reluctance you might have towards taking you medications, as well as helping you come up with day to day strategies that help you achieve your goals and helping you work through the beliefs that you hold about yourself and the world that may be holding you back.

Moving on to talking about addiction for a bit. I strongly believe that addiction doesn't come from some type of inherent lack of willpower or moral failing, or even really the drug itself. It's the need to escape reality. And that's actually supported by scientific literature; most famously, the Rat Park experiment by Bruce K Alexander. Practically, we've seen that same thing in the aftermath of Portugal's decision to decriminalize all drugs. They took the money they were using to keep drug users in prison, and instead invested that money into reconnecting people who struggle with addiction to society. Their goal was to make sure that every person who struggles with addiction has a reason to get up in the morning and has a support system within the wider society. And it actually worked- injection drug use is down 50%, overdoses and HIV infections have massively decreased, and rates of addiction decreased as well. It's much easier to quit when you have something motivating you to keep going.

Why am I telling you all of this? I guess what I'm trying to get at is in order to recover from addiction, I think first people need to understand what the reality is that they're trying to escape. What can be done about those issues? Who's in your corner trying to support you, even if they're not doing the best job at it? Where else can you get the social support you might need? What are you passionate about? What would make it feel worth it to get up in the morning? I think instead of focusing on the drugs, or the alcohol, or the cigarettes, maybe we should focus on solving the root problems that make those attractive options. That's one of the reasons a therapist is a really good idea; they can help you figure out what those root problems are, and provide resources and tools to help you fix those problems.

In terms of practical, do it yourself advice for dealing with addiction, there are a couple things you might try. I did a whole post on evidence-based ways to set goals and follow through on them here, so I won't rehash it in this post, but basically:

Try to set goals that are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time bound. For you, this might be something like "My goal is to have only one drink a day (measurable and achievable) for week (time bound) so that I can be more reliable for my friends (relevant)".

Instead of trying to quit something, replace it with something else. For example, "when I feel like smoking, I'm going to do ten minutes of learning Korean instead". Learning something new is easier and more exciting, and so new habits are easier to maintain that breaking old ones. Find a new hobby that you've always wanted to do or that's exciting to you, and try to focus your energies on that to distract yourself.

Identify any obstacles (such as environmental triggers) that you might run into, and develop contingency plans for working around them. This might be something like, "when I drink coffee in the morning, I want to smoke, so I'm going to switch to tea instead." If you can, get rid of all environmental triggers that might remind you of your addiction or trigger a craving.

Get someone else involved. Tell a friend about your goal and have them check up on you. Your fear of disappointing them will help you stay on track.

Put money on the line. Give money to a friend with the understanding that you'll get it back at a set date if you've achieved the goal you set. Tell your friend that if you fail, they should donate the money to a group or cause you really hate.

Write down the reasons you want to quit, and put them somewhere you know you'll see them. Whenever you want to engage in an addiction behavior, read through that list first.

For bonus points, add to that list your contingency plan for when you want to engage in an addiction behavior. These may include ways to redirect your attention or distract yourself until the craving passes.

76% of people who wrote down their goals, actions and provided weekly progress to a friend successfully achieved their goals.

You might also try an addiction recovery app, such as these, or doing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy worksheets on your own if you can't access a therapist right now.

There are also some things you can try in order to improve your mood. As much as I hate that this is true, consistent exercise has a huge impact on mood. If you can, try taking a 20 minute walk outside, 3 times a week. Other (boring) things, like making sure you're getting 7-9 hours of sleep a night and eating regularly, can also make a big difference in mood. Some of you might know that I'm a little bit obsessed with the free Coursera class "The Science of Well-Being". It has a lot of great evidence-based tips and tricks for how to build happiness, and I highly recommend it if you're trying to live a happier life. These include things like journaling, meditating, noting things that you're grateful for, helping other people, and having regular social interactions.

Finally, a few philosophical thoughts. One of the Four Noble Truths in Buddhism is dukkha. Basically, this is the idea that suffering is an innate characteristic of existence in our world. When I was younger, I never liked this concept, but I think now I kind of get it. It's impossible to be happy 100% of the time, and that shouldn't be our goal. Suffering is the comparison by which our lives gain meaning. But we can do our best to minimize our suffering and the suffering of others, and ride the wave of suffering when it does come. And each time we ride that wave, we can learn techniques to manage it a little bit better, and to make it easier the next time. We will sometimes sabotage ourselves out of fear, but we can learn how to do it less frequently and for the consequences to be less dire. We can learn how to forgive ourselves for our flaws and what we've done in the past, and learn from those mistakes so we don't do them again in the future. It's also okay to backslide, to struggle even after you've made progress. You're never back where you started, because you've always learned more and experienced more.

I know I've thrown kind of a lot at you in this post, and I don't expect you to try all of it or for all of it to work, but hopefully something in there is helpful to you. You can get through this. You can save yourself, but please, also remember to let others help save you. You don't need to do this on your own. And just like I have been since you were 13, I'm always here to give a free therapy session and to lend my support ❤️❤️❤️

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detonizing · 4 years

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headcanon.

50 headcanon challenge prompted by @bnharpchub bc so many people were doing it on dash and my restraint is only so strong

coming up with 50 new headcanons was so difficult jfc AWOEINAWE i cheated a bit and some of them mention hcs I already wrote about before, but I did my best to focus on a different part of it to give it a new spin so it’s technically new....ish. awoieNAWEIAWNE

he learned how to cook because his parents were always busy and he wasn’t going to just expect them to cook for him when he could just do it himself ( he learned a whole LOT of things because he realized he could just do it himself )

he doesn’t usually keep things for sentiment reasons. there ARE a few exceptions, but for the most part if it’s important enough to remember he’ll just simply remember it

he likes the view from up high. mountain climbing really made him aware of that, and it was a part of the reason why he wanted to learn how to fly ( that, and just the fact of it being practical, using his quirk to enhance movement )

sometimes puts on a clear coat of nail strengthening polish during weeks of particular harsh training. he would put on coloured polish too, but they often get ruined very quickly because of how much he uses his hands and so he doesn’t see the point to do it often

his sweat isn’t actually toxic ( mostly bc I do NOT want to deal with all the problems having toxic sweat would cause, but there is more to it that I’ll write in depth of another day when I’m less lazy )

His volume is one of the few ways he feels like he can be heard. His mother is also a very loud person, and growing up he would be stuck in situations where if he doesn’t yell LOUDER, he won’t be heard. If he is WILLINGLY quiet around you, that is a sign of trust, a sign that he’s comfortable enough to not feel the need to be loud.

he cannot stand his mouth being covered, nor does he take well to being told to keep quiet. He GETS that not many people appreciate his loudness. He KNOWS there is always time and place. But being loud is a defensive mechanism, and it being taken away against his will just messes with him a lot.

speaking of, a large part of why he got the ‘i dont give a fuck about anyone else’ attitude is because no one would really care about him. It wasn’t just because he had a big head. He was acutely aware that people around him would praise him and rise him up, but never actually listen to him or cared what he wants. Why should he care about other people if no one gave a fuck about him? ( he knows better now )

he’s cautious about giving villains second chances. it’s not like he’s against giving villains a chance at redemption ( he knows he’d be a fucking hypocrite if he was ) but he also is realistic, and knows that some people are just shitheads and will refuse to change no matter what. knows that some people will take advantage of people with bleeding hearts ( cOUGHS like dEKU’s COUGHS ) and so he’s just. very wary and distrusting. he’ll give you a chance, but he’s going to watch you during it.

if the ranking system of heroes gets abolished, it won’t really affect Katsuki’s goals. from the start when he says ‘number one hero’ what he cares most about is being number one by HIS standards. ofc he was planning to get ranked number one too, but if such a system falls apart, he’d just make sure he becomes the Best till no one can argue against it either way

katsuki has always used his quirk often. he hates rules regulating quirk use because it’s so stupid to him. how the hell was he going to become number one if he didn’t know how to use his own damn quirk? ofc he still tried to abide by the law well enough, in public refraining for the most part ( but his middle school very obviously was super lacking in discipline so he just didn’t bother hiding his usage of quirk there )

his quirk acts up when he has high emotion — but MOST of the time, that is less him losing control and more of a conscious decision on his part. resisting the urge to explode when his body is aching to is dangerous, so it’s better to let loose small, controlled, explosions when the time comes. He works hard to keep control of his quirk, he knows when it’s best to just let explosions loose and when he can hold it in

even without explosions he has a habit of his fingers twisting or fist clenching when he’s high strung. restricting his hands in any way, esp during these times, are an absolute no for him. he WILL react violently if you take away his only method of physically defending himself.

the reason why he NEEDS to be able to defend himself at all times comes from his lack of trust. He doesn’t WANT to rely on other people, because they could mess up so it’s just better to do it himself. so if people try and stop him from doing it himself.... just nope.

he’s so so so SO bad at accepting compliments. he’s used to empty meaningless compliments, praise for things he didn’t even earn, so getting actual compliments that are WORTH something. it’s. a lot. he doesn’t know how to properly handle it yet so his first reaction is to reject it somehow ( either by telling the person they are being an idiot, or finding fault in the compliment itself, or something along those lines )

he has a base respect for pro heroes in general, because he understands that they have experience he is obviously lacking being a student. but he won’t be blinded by their status. if they fuck up, they fuck up and no ‘hero’ status will keep him from recognizing that

he doesn’t actually hate quirkless people. he never really has. he had a problem with DEKU, but not exactly quirkless people in general. he started calling Izuku as “Deku” before he knew that he would never get a quirk. He called him ‘deku’ because izuku would fail at bouncing a ball or skipping stones and such ( back then, almost ALL people were ‘useless’ to him, not just quirkless people aoweinaoweianwe )

he as sharp teeth. not enough to be called fangs or anything, but they are definitely sharper than average ( he’s a little gremlin so I must give him sharp teeth )

he’s still struggling to ask for help. he can easily admit that he needs backup when it comes to hero works — knows that teamwork is essential at times and saving and BEING saved in turn is how being a hero is. BUT for PERSONAL things? Outside of being a hero? As a person??? He doesn’t know HOW to ask for help with that.

He’s ALWAYS been super independent. so people just. expect him to be fine on his own. HE himself expected to be fine on his own. But by the time he realized wait no, I’m not fine. People stopped trying to check up on him. ( until U.A., but then old habits die hard. but he’s learning )

he tends to shower at night more than in the mornings, because he often works out not too long before bed. he also just takes more than one shower a day if needed ofc he takes hygiene seriously

he HATES when he can’t get a full night’s sleep. And sadly ever since getting kidnapped it’s been happening more and more often. he’s unused to functioning without a full eight or nine hours, so he gets cranky all day and feels fucking awful. He used to hate naps, felt like a waste of his day, but they’ve become a bit of a necessity with how shit his sleeping pattern has become. ( plus jordyn’s shoto has shown him the wonders of napping aowienawe )

he doesn’t take long to get ready in the morning. even if he needs to dress differently for an occasion or anything, he doesn’t spend long trying to decide what to wear

his quirk isn’t affected by rain or water like people would expect, but it’s fucking COLD so he still hates getting wet

he’s really good at fighting even without his quirk. he absolutely has thought of situations where he couldn’t use his quirk to full capacity, and so he decided he needed to kick ass even without it

he’s really level-headed in battle!!! despite how he acts, he ALWAYS considers all options and acts on the best one. He just thinks really fast and acts the way he does so it SEEMS like he’s charging in without thinking ahead. That being said, he used to often underestimate his opponents so he’d sometimes make the wrong call. He’s getting MUCH better at not doing that lately tho

he doesn’t really celebrate his own birthday. he gets well wishes from his family, often they’d get a cake maybe, but he doesn’t really WANT or NEED presents, so he had his parents stop trying to gift him things years ago. His birthday is SUPER close to the beginning of the year, so it is often times overlooked by his peers too, but he doesn’t care

Katsuki is demisexual!! He can recognize when people are traditionally attractive, but he doesn’t really fucking care and isn’t attracted TO them. It’s only once they’ve become someone he actually CARES about could he then develop any feelings beyond platonic ones ( no love at first sight here )

he’d NEVER pick up smoking, and even when of age he’d very rarely drink. He wouldn’t want his health to deteriorate by stuff like that. And he wouldn’t want his ability to think be hindered by alcohol

he doesn’t like lying unless for good reason ( like hiding ofa ) but he doesn’t see lying by omission as the same. To him, that’s just him deciding it’s no one’s business and so there’s no need for him to admit to anything

people have tried to bully him as a kid. we’ve seen him chase off older kids in canon before. It wasn’t just a one time thing. It was pretty constant, actually. Other kids, usually those older than him, would hear about him and his attitude and try and ‘put him in his place’ It’s not like he was very popular as a kid, it’s just that Katsuki always WON any fights so no one could actually do anything to him

his nicknames, for the most part, aren’t actually meant to be insulting. Besides like Deku, and when he called Todoroki “holding back bastard”, the rest are just,,, descriptions in his mind aowienAWE ThEY ARE RUDE AF but he doesn’t actually seek out the rudest name he can think of to call people. It’s just whatever comes to mind first

he doesn’t actually mind when people call him out on his shit anymore. he’d in fact admit that they have guts to do so. If they try and call him out on BULLSHIT though, then he’d get angry bc they are just wasting his goddamn time.

he KNOWS when his classmates are purposefully manipulating him to doing something by phrasing it as a challenge. It’s just he doesn’t give a shit, he’ll rise to the challenge anyways and prove them all WRONG.

If he really doesn’t wanna do something, there’s absolutely nothing that could get him to do it

his way of SHOWING that he cares is through actions and gifts. Doing things for people ( studying, cooking, etc ) that he cares about comes naturally to him

On the contrary, he struggles to process it when people try and show that they care the same way. He doesn’t like getting gifts, and he rather do the things he needs to himself??? The easiest way he can understand people showing that they care is through quality time. If you are willing to spend time with him, seek him out? He can get that means you WANT to. ( if this is proven wrong it’d shake his entire acceptance in that person. he’d struggle to believe that they care for him at all in any way after )

once you broke his trust, it’s impossible to gain it back. he DOESNT trust easily. he takes so many careful measures to prevent himself from trusting the wrong person. if he gave you his trust you better fucking treasure it, because it’s only given out once. That being said, there are different levels of trust that katsuki gives out — as seen on his relationship page. Level two trust is when it starts getting serious. If you have that, that’s when if broken it’s unfixable. Level one trust is a toss up if broken, very dependent on situation

soft smiles are hard to come by from katsuki! We’ve all seen his confident grins in the face of danger all the time — he smiles a lot during challenges and battle!! But soft ones? Full of fondness and love? They are pretty rare. And even when they DO happen, often it’s only when no one can see

His EYES are actually what turns soft first!! You have a better chance catching his eyes and eyebrows turn a bit less aggressive, but again they aren’t exactly common per say. He doesn’t like showing such expression unless he feels like attention is off him. ( he just. isn’t USED to expressing himself this way. so he doesn’t really like when people draw attention to when he does. because it makes him feel like he did something wrong, in a way )

it’s actually easy to make katsuki flustered and embarrassed. he’S not uSED to it so he’s weak let him live aowieNAWE his ears are the first to turn red!!! but if you really get him embarrassed he does go completely red sorry kats

he does all of his homework well in advance. he hates leaving ANYTHING to the last minute, really

he’s done modeling work as a kid. sometimes he still does, but very rarely. He doesn’t exactly hate doing it, but he just isn’t the least bit interested so he rather spend his time doing something else. When he does do it, you bet he takes it 100% seriously.

he won’t argue if someone calls him a shit person. he knows that he is, and he refuses to deny that. what DOES piss him off though is when people solely focus on how shit of a person he is to the extend of disregarding the perfect results he gives. He’s a shit person, but he’s still the BEST and fuck anyone who says otherwise.

he also knows that he is changing, because it’s a conscious effort on his part TO change. But that’s also the thing. He’s working hard to not be shitty ALL the time, but that doesn’t change the fact that at his core, he’s still not a NICE person. he’s acutely aware that the things he struggles so much with, comes so easy to other people. He wont let this STOP him , he’s never called it quits before just because something was difficult for him, but it still sucks. knowing just how much effort he’s putting into this when some people barely think about it at all

katsuki was well versed in medical knowledge even before U.A. Not because he was thinking about how heroes may need to give emergency care on the field, but just from his own injuries during self training. he needed to know how to treat them properly so it doesn’t cause him problems in the future

katsuki runs hot, but he gets cold easily. Because he’s used to keeping himself running at high temperatures, his concept of cold is different than most other’s. Suddenly being in like sixty five degrees Fahrenheit feels COLD to him

intended use for furniture are only suggestions. That means yes, he WILL sit on top of desks and counters, stand on top of chairs, and put his feet on the bed while he lays on the floor if he so goddamn chooses.

no matter how close with a person he is, he’ll eventually need time alone and his personal space left untouched. It takes a lot to get to the point where physical touch is something he’d allow, ( having both touch starvation and touch aversion in equal parts ) but even with people he is completely comfortable with, sometimes it still gets to be TOO mUCH and he needs to step back. he has bad days, too. where just a brush of contact would set him off and he can’t understand himself why it happens. all he knows is that he really hates those days.

it still stings, the knowledge that All Might never even considered him for a possible successor. he was RIGHT THERE when all might picked izuku, after all. and all might can say all he wants about how ‘he was already powerful, he wanted to give midoriya a fighting chance’ or whatever. he knows he was never a contender. it’s not that he WANTS ofa though. he is perfectly happy with his quirk. It’s not even that it’s deku who ended up getting it, he in retrospect is glad deku can fight him now. It’s just. in the end, he’s always always lacking something. it just fuels to his belief of never being good enough when it counts. because HE is NEVER anyone’s first choice to be the up and coming number one. He’s GOING to be. He’ll prove EVERYONE wrong. But, it sure would be nice. Someone else believing in him, too.

#this was fun!!! ty bnharpchub for the challenge!!!#i did my best #some of these imma want to expand on at a later date #and there are two big hcs that i didn't put on here bc it would just take up too much space aweOAIWNE #and yes i am saying that while fully aware some of these have like six plus lines AOWIENAWE #·∴∵✷ [ HEADCANONS ]

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daisychvins · 4 years

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｡･ﾟﾟ･ — introduction.

introducing ... violet’s demise ! aka grayson aka her big brother she’s been wiring money to stay away in europe <33333

name: grayson swag money jeon age: 22 turning 23 (don’t ask me about his sign that’s for liza to figure out someday <3) gender: cis male; he/him hometown: baltimore, maryland sexuality: bisexual & biromantic

listen i was feeling rlly committed to completing his stats but i’m already over it so don’t ask dont tell xx anYWAYS let’s get on to the juicy stuff hehe

i tend to ramble a lot so this intro is gonna be probably a mixture of paragraphs and bullet points and everything in between but let’s start simple. also i rlly wanna emphasize a massive DRUGS TW bc his character largely revolves around his interest in and addiction to drugs

blackmails

grayson is claiming that he's been in a rehab program for the last year and is now completely sober and reformed when he really was just using the money to party and travel throughout europe.

without his parents paying to support him now, he's had to start dealing to make ends meet and keep up appearances. it’s mostly coke, but he dabbles in harder substances depending on what his connections can get him.

grayson dabbles with calligraphy and was notorious for forging excuse notes and parent signatures all throughout high school and even now sells forgeries for a quick buck. the most notable of these was xavi’s letter of recommendation that helped him get into yale.

background

grayson is violet’s older brother!!1 yes, that’s right, THE big brother who’s been out of the country getting LIT (and by lit i mean he’s been traveling europe on a series of solo trips w his parents’ money and doin lots of recreational drugs)

i haven’t fully fleshed out the dynamic he has w his parents but just know it’s ,, bad ASDHFJNK basically the jeons treated their children like accessories and expected them to be their little trophies and grayson just was not having that as a kid!!! so he acted out a lot and obviously got himself into a pretty bad scene (thank u goosie) and is basically the bane of his parents existence at this point <3 yet they still try to appease him to keep him under control but that’s for the family task to work out hehehehe

despite hating his parents, he adores both of his siblings. before the drug use started, he was always a big nurturer and would have done anything for either of them......now he wouldn’t be caught dead praising violet but he loves her in secret from afar HSJDFKG

yeah basically he met goose when he was around 15 i think????? and got introduced to drugs around 16 or 17 i wanna say and by the time he graduated high school he was just....a much different person than the soft big brother he used to be. his parents sent him off to europe pretty much as soon as he turned 18 under the guise of going to school internationally, but grayson obviously knew the truth and understood that he was being sent away so he wouldn’t be his parents problem anymore.

he basically spent the last four years galavanting europe and just....trying to enjoy it???? but it’s hard to enjoy an extended vacation when u have no family or friends on ur side anymore </3 he basically used the money to stay in hostels and worked odd jobs here and there to stay afloat and keep supplied w the...special goods....but yeah lots of drugs, alcohol, sex, and recklessness but he DID learn a couple languages??? or at least enough to get through some pretty basic conversations in most european countries so <3 guess it’s all okay then!!!!

anyways idk what else to put here that u won’t just find out in the family task so uhhhhhh idk lmk if u need anything else i guess

present/personality

so now grayson is just vibing at yale obviously ummm he actually got super into writing after high school, especially poetry. he used to carry journals full of just random prose about his addiction and his deepest thoughts, as well as probably some lighter stuff about his love escapades or maybe goose idk...basically he used poetry as an outlet and it allowed him to really ground himself and find his place in the world even if it didnt include who he thought it would SO with that being said, grayson got into yale due to a poetry competition he was a part of. he saw some big fancy competition being advertised and on a whim decided to submit some poem about his struggles with addiction and losing his family (a v raw piece that he didn’t expect to ever see the light of day) and he actually ended up winning! it caught yale’s attention and they invited him to apply and, knowing how much it would probably disturb his little sister, grayson very smugly applied and was pretty stoked to see he got in

because that poem gained such publicity, it was assumed that he was a survivor of addiction and was writing from a sober perspective. he didn’t want to correct anyone, so he just went with it and has basically crafted this story about his massive success and has become an advocate for addiction treatment and rehabilitation. of course, none of the companies that sponsor him or the events that host him as a motivational speaker know that he’s snorting lines in the bathroom beforehand or dealing to half the elites, but that’s between grayson, god, and the blackmailer !

basically grayson showed back up because of violet’s blackmail being exposed. he was off in europe, unable to defend himself, and with a massive vendetta against his family so he decided what better way to reenter society than by publicly outing himself as a martyr <3333 his plan is basically to bash the family name to fulfill whatever angsty coming of age arc he has in store for him to make up for the pain of being sent away .... really angsty yeah </3 rip grayson

anyways yeah he’s a total fake. he’s been using his status as a martyr to his advantage a lot, the best example being his recruitment into the elites. he guilted them into accepting him by discussing the PR benefits of recruiting a member that struggles with addiction and how supporting addiction treatment and second chances would be such a good look for them. like he basically threatened to publicly expose them for denying him due to his troubled past and accuse them of being exclusionary so they said boop ! ur in. now the elites are proud advocates for second chances <3333

i would describe grayson as fearless, overconfident, infamous due to his condition being exposed recently, a little gloomy, he’s kind of just got this chip on his shoulder and feels like he has something to prove....he’s gotta be better than his parents, gotta stick it to them and to violet and to everyone who doubts him. he’s a grumpy guy with a massive vendetta and a need for some kind of justice. he just doesn’t know what that is yet. despite all of the bad, however, he’s genuinely a pretty good guy. he’s really goofy and a genuine person, pretty friendly with literally everyone until they give him a reason not to be. basically, unless you are a member of the jeon family he probably likes you or is at least cordial to you (unless we plot differently ofc but u know). he’s just a big lovable dummy with some sweet drug connects and a knack for poetry. he also knows calligraphy but that’s beside the point .

idk if this is enough to describe him but yeah if u have any questions just let me know hehe

this is probably gonna make things hard but considering violet was just exposed i think that he’s pretty new to yale ???? like probably just transferred in/started this spring semester rather than being here for the entire year/a prolonged amount of time so most of our plots will likely have to be newer/center on him first showing up OR we can establish their connections from pre-europe which is also fine w me....idk i didnt rlly think this timeline through so let’s just plot and see what happens aghbfjnd anyways i included some connection ideas to help us all just in case

wanted connections

i’d say he’s the honorary dealer of the elites aghbdfjn so literally anyone who needs a plug could be a potential connection. we can obviously tweak this and customize it to each character <3

maybe someone who met grayson in europe. they could have travelled together for an extended period of time or even just a brief encounter. he was over there for four years, so the possibilities are endless.

building off the last one, this same connection could work with a romantic interest. maybe they were romantically involved for a time in europe and fell out of touch or maybe grayson/your muse just left in the middle of the night and they never saw each other again until now and maybe there’s some unresolved feelings/one-sided longing or need for closure. it could also be that they just hooked up whenever this person was in the area and that was that, no strings attached.

maybe someone who genuinely believes that grayson is actually sober and really admires his strength and idk maybe they’re struggling w their own issues and seek advice from him or maybe they just make it harder for him to actually do his thing bc they’re constantly around and it’s not like they can catch him strung out and acting up

someone in the literature department or with a background in english or writing. someone he could read poetry to, or share his favorite lines with. someone who’s taken the same professors and can tell him who to watch out for or what to expect. idk i just want him to have someone to share his passions with. maybe a little crush is forming? maybe they’re just friends who share a love of fiction? idk i’m open to literally anything

he’s sort of a motivational speaker now bc he advocates for rehabilitation resources and stuff so like maybe ur muse saw him give a presentation or participate in some kind of seminar and they called bullshit on him after the show bc they were like,,, bro i literally saw u partying w max and avery last weekend what the fuck are u on about and now they could potentially hold that blackmail over his head hehe......

exes plots are always fun we love angst in this house

fuck it let’s bring another family member BHJFNGKM no but grayson rlly is a nurturing guy and like....definitely develops unhealthy attachments to cope w his loss of family so he’d love all the sibling-like bonds he can get to kinda numb the pain of “””””losing””””” violet

if none of these interest you i’m literally so down for anything pls just let me know and i’m happy to brainstorm always <333333

thank u for reading this....smooch .

#anyways this is just under 1900 words whoops #stream of consciousness wins again #intro #literally dont even have my tags sorted yet dont talk to me .

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kreweleaderbuuru · 4 years

Photo

Part 3 baybeeee i realised that the babies I use more often these days werent included. Annoying elaboration that doesnt matter under the cut

Sex

Self explainitory

Gender:

Self explanatory

Build:

Singrid: The most in-shape member of her family. She’s very enthusiastic about honing her skills with her hammer, carving canoes with her bare hands, and punching sharks in the face.

Grunt: The grunt has been working on building muscle, but her years of starvation and abuse have left her permanently stunted.

Algor: Despite being absolutely fuckall massive, he’s not too interested in honing his physique. He’s got some scholarly chub on the way.

Poom: Actually more muscular than you’d give him credit for- though still malnourished and spindly. His baggy clothes are in part to hide a very embarrassing hourglass figure.

Height:

Singrid: Just a few inches shorter than her brother, much to her dismay

Grunt: Shorty due to malnutrition

Algor: Fuckall massive

Poom: Comes from a pretty tall family, but just so happens to me the shortest member of that family. He thinks he’s shorter than he actually is.

Handiness:

Self explanatory

Intelligence, Scholarly:

Singrid: While Singrid was offered the same education as her brother, she struggled with even the most basic concepts. At a certain point she decided her job was just to carry heavy equipment. Living proof of nature vs. nurture.

Grunt: Scouted by inquest recruiters as a child. The Grunt was subjected to the standard foot soldiers ‘education’ within the Inquest. It wasn’t all that great, but it wasn’t like she could leave.

Algor: Personally tutored by his adopted asuran father- surpassing the potential of even some asuran peers in Rata Sum. Living proof of nurture vs. nature.

Poom: Got along okay in school, enough to Graduate Dynamics with above average grades. His true passions lie in paranormal investigation, which isnt as revered in Rata Sum. People just assume he’s crazy.

Wisdom:

Singrid: Would look a grenade launcher down the barrel as she’s trying to figure out how to fire it.

Grunt: What the Grunt lacks in formal education, she makes up for in sheer experience. She’s worked on just about every Inquest base the Megakrewe allows such a low-ranking agent, and tangled with more bizarre magical creatures than most norn hunters will in their lifetime.

Algor: Algor began making supply runs in greater Tyria when he was sixteen, allowing him to come into his own as a traveller and genius.

Poom: Easily distracted and has a nasty habit of sharing his conspiracy theories to the members of the organisations he suspects. Common sense is not amongst his strengths.

Education:

Singrid: Technically a ‘drop out’, seeing as her father gave up on teaching her alongside her brother. However, the special attention Ruffik can give Singrid while Algor is away has convinced her to give his lessons another go.

Grunt: Didn’t so much as ‘graduate’ as she was drafted to punishment detail. Her propensity for disaster and mayhem did not make her school days enjoyable.

Algor: Greatly exceeded his father’s expectations.

Poom: A decent student, but easily distracted by his true passions.

Social Ability:

Singrid: Dreamed all her life of leaving the Far Marina Base to party all through Tyria, only to suffer from extreme social anxiety. She’s since found happiness on the peaceful ice caps, content with her few friends and family.

Grunt: Pretty amicable, if you can get over the whining and increased likelihood of the bar burning down.

Algor: Still relatively uncomfortable in his own skin, but growing out of it.

Poom: A highly contagious affliction and subsequent quarantine has given an already antisocial oddball agoraphobia. Poom has slowly been taking steps to be more comfortable with people, and can at the very least venture outside without a panic attack.

Perceptiveness:

Singrid: Sensitive, painfully sensitive, so sensitive she becomes overwhelmed in large gatherings. Is one of the few people who can really understand Ruffik’s emotions at any given time and could be mistaken for a mind reader when it comes to people she’s close to.

Grunt: Despite her attempt at an aloof bounty huntress persona, the Grunt is mostly in wilful denial. She knows whats going on, why it’s going on, and how things will probably end. She’s very bad at pretending not to care.

Algor: His time outside the Far Marina Base has taken him from clueless hermit to what is average teenage boy. He still doesnt understand girls, though.

Poom: Absolute dogshit at reading social signals, to the point of being near debilitating. His friends have to intervene to keep him from being beaten up half the time.

Readability:

Singrid: There are two Singrids: The one who is comfortable and knows the people in the room, and the Singrid who is in public and trying to keep from crying. You wouldnt expect the firey young norn from the FMB to wilt so easily in a crowd, and you’d be wrong.

Grunt: Any attempts to hide her emotions are humorously in vain. Its lucky her partner, krewemate, and totally-not-boyfriend is painfully dense.

Algor: Can put up a pretty convincing stoic front. It’s when he opens his mouth the youthful bravado comes spilling out.

Poom: His high anxiety and odd mannerisms make him an open book. An open book in a language you cant read, but nonetheless open.

Introvert/Extrovert:

Self explanatory

Sexuality:

Singrid: Straight

Grunt: Straight

Algor: Bisexual

Poom: Pansexual with a male preference

Romanticism:

Singrid: Straight, Monogamous

Grunt: Straight, Monogamous

Algor: Biromantic, Open to Polyamory

Poom: Panromantic with a male preference, Monogamous

Romantic:

Singrid: Has a massive crush on her childhood friend, but he’s painfully oblivious.

Grunt: Hopelessly in love with her partner, friend, and krewemate, Anakk. Even though they live together, work together, provide each other with emotional support, and sleep together exclusively, they insist they are not in a relationship.

Algor: Would do anything for a partner to share his intellect, but is still too insecure to ask anyone out. There’s also the size factor- none of the other apprentices so much as reach his knee. That ‘tragedy’ is a bit romantic in its own right- according to him.

Poom: Is oblivious to romance, and hasnt had the best track record. His last relationship ended in nothing short of catastrophe, he’s still too ashamed to face his ex to stay long in Rata Sum. This has kept him rather guarded when it comes to relationships.

Affection:

Singrid: Very touchy. Will shamelessly pick up and snuggle anyone she cares about.

Grunt: Has a pointed distaste for ‘mushy stuff’ and goes out of her way to avoid any intimacy that could be construed as romantic.

Algor: Mostly only hugs his sister. Was more cuddly as a kid, but since the growth spurt he worries about accidentally crushing people.

Poom: Has gone three years without touch due to his affliction. Avoids touch like the plague so as not to become overwhelmed.

Disposition, Outwardly:

Singrid: Whether she’s in full swing or shyly hugging the wall, Singrid comes across as a friendly, if not rough around the edges- young norn.

Grunt: Affable and friendly until things go wrong. They’re usually going wrong.

Algor: Knows how to be polite in public. Snarks on occasion.

Poom: Absolute bastard of a man. You know this. Why even ask.

Disposition, Inwardly:

Singrid: Pretty neutral on people as a whole. Gets irritated easily, and doesnt have any kind words for people who make her uncomfortable.

Grunt: Is far more effected by her past than she lets on. The grunt is generally distrustful to strangers and spiteful to those who hurt her- even a little.

Algor: Has a healthy dollop of teen angst.

Poom: One of the more kindly people you’ll meet, once you get past his eccentricities. Genuinely doesnt want to upset anyone, and is a die hard pacifist.

Petty:

Singrid, Grunt, Algor: All petty little drama queens.

Poom: Will put up with a lot of bullshit, so long as you dont press one of his triggers. Can only really muster the energy to hate one thing at a time. Usually tries to solve ‘misunderstandings’ when they come up.

Sanity:

Singrid: Crippling social anxiety

Grunt: PTSD

Algor: He’s fine, honestly.

Poom: Autism, PTSD, Depression, Social Anxiety, Agoraphobia, probably more.

Freindliness:

Singrid: She knows who she likes, and isnt particularly eager to make new friends.

Grunt: Finds it relatively easy to get along with people, especially if theres alcohol involved. She has a strange habit for attracting the affections of much larger and more powerful beings. Anakk, her skyscale Mr. Bastard, and the hulking inquest abomination Brukk, to name a few.

Algor: Able to chat up strangers so long as he’s not feeling too self-important. He’s growing out of that bit, though.

Poom: Absolutely desperate for validation. Can and will join a cult if he’s not claimed.

Stoicism:

Singrid: Will break pretty easily either from her anxiety or by getting too excited about a cool rock.

Grunt: Attempts are made at stoicism. They are laughable.

Algor: Is prone to teen melodrama. He’s growing out of it, though.

Poom: Will go home and cry for stepping on a bug.

Grace:

Singrid: Her training in the harsh Far Marina conditions have made her an adept warrior.

Grunt: Prone to disaster.

Algor: Is actually quite a talented dancer when no one’s watching. One of the ways he tries to stay in shape between studies.

Poom: If he’s not knocking something over, he’s putting his foot in his mouth.

Stubbornness:

Self explanatory

Bravery:

Singrid: Despite her issues with crowds, she’s run after icebrood twice her size with nothing but a dagger. Has wanted to cultivate an epic legend ever since she was a kid.

Grunt: Complete snivelling coward.

Algor: Will run from conflict as easily as he runs from a spider.

Poom: An almost destructive lack of self-preservation.

Loyalty:

Singrid: The few companions she has, she aims to keep.

Grunt: Wont die for the ship, but will save her favourite pirate.

Algor: Still has somewhat naive opinions on teamwork in a krewe. It’s almost a good thing he’ll likely never be in one.

Poom: Not a lot of people understand him, those that try are greatly appreciated. Even people who dont try, he’ll gladly meet half way. Even if you dont even like him at all he’s got your back. Even if you’ve just spit in his mouth he’ll-

Lawfulness:

Singrid: Does what she wants. If that means breaking some heads, she’ll do it. If it means drinking tea and brushing up on her knitting, thats her glitching right!

Grunt: Rules are for people who don’t regularly get hit by lightning.

Algor: Painfully naive.

Poom: The rules suck, but he gets in trouble enough as it is without provoking others.

Attitude:

They’re all edgy assholes lol

#singrid #algor #poom #the grunt #guild wars 2 #gw2 #norn #asura

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syfynjvall · 4 years

Text

OTP ASK GAME - farah & juliette

tagged by @havennly thank u!! i’m gonna tag @agentnatesewell @bryceslahela @agentfreckles @serafinedupont @agentnats if youve done it already i apologize ksks

(long post warning)

DISAGREEMENTS.

Who is more likely to raise their voice?

juliette, but it’s honestly never anything serious. more often than not its just bc she gets very competitive during game nights

Who threatens to leave but never actually does?

neither, even kidding about it kinda hurts each others souls

Who actually keeps their word and leaves?

neither

Who trashes the house?

i cant see either of them doing it

Do either of them get physical?

never in a million years

How often do they argue/disagree?

not often, and when they do its mostly about petty things like leaving empty containers in the fridge

Who is the first to apologize?

both are good about it

SEX.

who is on top? Who is on bottom?

hmmm they switch

any kinks?

welllll jules put on her old cheerleading uniform from college as a joke once and farah was into it. theyre both into roleplay

who has the strangest desires?

jules

who’s dominant in bed?

it’s a pretty even split

is head ever in the equation?

yes

if so, who is better at performing it?

probably farah

ever had sex in public?

once. under the bleachers at the football field. pretty cliché

who moans the most?

uhh both

who leaves the most marks?

farah

who is the more experienced of the two?

definitely jules. she had a LOT of fun in college

do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’?

make love. it’s very special for both of them bc they know they’re gonna last

how long do they usually last?

it depends but both of them can usually go pretty long

rough or soft?

typically soft, but rough if theyre in the mood

is protection used?

does it ever get boring?

where is the strangest place they’d have sex?

dont know? maybe in an empty room in the agency? idk lol

FAMILY.

do they plan on having children/or have children?

oh yeah definitely

if so, how many children do they want/have?

juliette loved the look on farahs face the first time they talked about it and she said she wanted ten kids. it was a joke obv but they probably end up having three or four. jules always wanted siblings growing up and she was sad she never got that wish so she doesnt want her own kids to be lonely like she was

AFFECTION.

who likes to cuddle?

both of them are huge cuddle bugs and they get cozy almost everywhere

who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places?

juliette

who struggles to keep their hands to themselves?

both

how long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable?

their cuddles can last a while but farah probably wiggles away first

what is their favourite non-sexual activity?

they love girls night out and its even more fun when tina joins them. put the three of them together and its basically nonstop chaos, but so fun

where is their favourite place to cuddle?

predictable, but the bed. jules is one of those extravagant mattress people so her bed is basically a giant pillow and its very comfortable

SLEEPING.

who snores?

both

if both do, who snores the loudest?

jules, and you better believe farah teases her relentlessly

do they share a bed or sleep separately?

jules WAS a very picky sleeper until she got together with farah, now she gets pouty if they dont share a bed

if they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart?

they cozy up, but juliette is a blanket hog so she usually ends up with most of the covers

what do they wear to bed?

jules usually just wears a top, farah wears pajama sets

are either of them insomniacs?

can sleeping pills be found by the bedside?

not before everything that went down in book one, but since murphy, yeah. jules has a hard time falling asleep now

do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side?

definitely cuddly sleepers

who wakes up with bed hair?

both

who wakes up first?

farah. she’s usually the one to rouse juliette when she’s about to be late

who prepares breakfast in bed for the other?

neither of them can cook so... neither lol

what is their favourite sleeping position?

farah loves being the little spoon and jules loves making her feel safe so

do they set an alarm each night?

jules does but she hits snooze at least six times a morning

who has nightmares?

juliette, and farah has no problem soothing her back to sleep when she wakes up

can a television be found in their bedroom?

yes. they’re both obsessed with trashy shows

who has ridiculous dreams?

farah!

who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed?

again, juliette is an unfortunate bed hog

who makes the bed?

farah. juliette is cute but she’s not always that tidy

what time is bed time?

whenever jules feels like it, and farah will follow her lead

any routines/rituals before bed?

other than the typical going to bed things, no

who’s the grumpiest when they wake up?

farah probably

WORK.

who is the busiest?

both are pretty busy but since juliette has two jobs i guess she is a little bit more

who rakes in the highest income?

juliette probably?

are any of them unemployed?

UB gets paid right? so neither then? lol

who takes the most sick days?

juliette. her “bend the rules” stat is at 88%

what are their jobs?

detective and agent

who sucks up to their boss?

definitely not jules. farah might a LITTLE bit since rebecca is juliette’s mom but i think we know how that turns out lmao

who is more likely to turn up late to work?

despite juliette’s aversion for rule following she’s usually pretty puntcual at least, so im gonna say farah

who stresses the most?

im gonna say neither

do they enjoy or despise their careers/occupations?

farah loves hers for the most part, jules feels like hers is more of a chore but she does love interacting with people.

are they financially stable?

yes

HOME.

who does the washing?

farah. once again juliette isnt super messy per se, but she is a bit cluttered

who takes out the trash?

both

who does the ironing?

jules is pretty good about that

who does the cooking?

neither. they both try but they’re both disasters so they order out mostly (more than they should)

who is more likely to burn the house down just trying?

it’s about equal because again, they’re disasters

who is messier?

juliette

who leaves the toilet roll empty?

farah

who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor?

neither

[redacted] you are not going to miss this question.

who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere?

both

who answers the telephone?

juliette

who mows the lawn?

they dont have a lawn

who does the vacuuming?

probably jules

who does the groceries?

when they remember to do it, they like to go together

who takes the longest to shower?

jules

[redacted] you are not going to miss this question.

MISCELLANEOUS.

is money a problem?

no but farah does love buying stuff

how many cars do they own?

just one

what’s their song?

it changes but rn lucky by jason mraz fits them so well

do they live in the city or in the country?

juliette LOVES city life and farah thinks it would be fun too so they plan to move to the city one day

do they own their home or do they rent?

rented for now, for juliette anyway

do they enjoy their surroundings?

jules has a nostalgic fondness for wayhaven but again, really she’s itching to live in the city. farah likes it too but it’s a little too mellow for her liking sometimes

what do they do when they’re away from each other?

oh my god, theyre both clingy babies so they’ll be pouty and sad and constantly just text each other

where did they first meet?

juliette’s office

who spends the most money when out shopping?

probably farah

who’s more likely to flash their assets?

jules, but farah will too

any mental issues?

juliette definitely has ptsd after book one, and then its worsened after the trappers (she saved farah so she had to see sanja die)

who finds it amusing when the other trips over?

they both do lol

who’s terrified of bugs?

im thinking farah

who kills the spiders around the house?

juliette

do they have any fears for their future?

they’re both afraid of losing each other, mostly. juliette also worries a bit that maybe farah will get sick of her because she’s a “lot,” she was always told by past bfs/gfs that she was a handful or too wild or whatever so she worries she might scare farah off but when she voices that thought farah is very quick to very seriously assure her thats not going to happen

their favourite place?

the bar, also the forest to stargaze or picnic

who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner?

jules, but it’s definitely at a restaurant lol

who pays the bills?

definitely juliette

who’s the tallest?

jules is 5’9, farah is 5′4

who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other?

farah

who wanders around in their underwear?

jules

who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio?

both!! theyre both so goofy about it

what do they tease each other about?

pretty much everything, they’re bantering almost constantly

who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times?

neither of them are exactly fashion experts, so

who crushed first?

juliette

any alcohol or substance related problems?

no, jules enjoys drinking but she knows her limits

who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am?

jules

who swears the most?

both

#this was so much fun!#thank u for the tag #twc #tag games #twc: farah x juliette

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mysmedrabbles · 5 years

Text

RFA Reacting to MC Growing Up an Orphan

requested: by anonymous

a/n: oof this actually turned out really cute so here ya go lads! enjoy!! if you’d like to buy me a coffee click here

warnings: light alcohol mention, but filled with fluff and comfort and kindness (saeyoungs delves more into abuse and emotions)

-somft mod alex

Jumin

-its a semi drunken night when you tell him, you’d finally gotten Jumin to loosen up after a long workday, and were now on the couch together, Jumin’s head on your chest as you ran your fingers through his hair lazily, letting the alcohol dull your mind as you listen to him rambling about his childhood

-it must have been an offhand comment you made that sparked his attention, making him rise from the comforts of your lap as he stares at you incredulously. you sheepishly tell him your story, and although he’s sensitive with you as to not upset you, he’s horrified to learn that you were constantly neglected in your childhood, growing up without a place you could actually consider a home

-he listens to you, quietly concerned as the alcohol hits him hard, and the next thing he knows he’s passed out on your shoulder.

-when he wakes up he has only a faint recollection of you telling him of your past, but he doesn't bring it up; partially because of a raging headache and partially because he didn't want to upset you, you looking so at peace reading something on your phone, a loving smile forming on your lips as you sense him watching you

-he’s not one to go in full steam ahead (well- he is, but he reAlly wants to be subtle with this) but he tries his best to make living together feel as homey as possible

-he talks to Yoosung, the Professional at all things Family, and realizes that he should tone down the money spending to ensure your comfort and instead use that time to do things together, bond over small dumb things.

-knows that as much as he would want to go back in time and fix your childhood, give you the love you deserved, find you a home, the past cannot be changed. so instead he opts on building the sense of family between the two of you

-he takes you to ikea (Saeyoungs idea), and the two of you find new furniture, something that fits your tastes as well, to redecorate the penthouse.

-imagine jumin trying to assemble ikea furniture

-he gets frustrated with having to do things like a commoner, but bless him he’s trying his best to do it for you, and the way your face lights up whenever the two of you do something “domestic” or “familial” makes it all worth it. it’s a learning curve for him too, and despite his protests he cant help but admit that he was missing a lot from his childhood too but it brings him peace knowing he’ll soon be building a family with you ;^)

-he’s not willing to get rid of the giant aquarium pillars, however he lets you get them some cool aquarium furnishings and plants

-goes grocery shopping with you more often, and overall spends more time with you, even telling chef to take the weekends off from now on, opting to cook together instead, and even though most of the time things end up burnt or tasting weird, all that matters is that the two of you have fun

-everyone thinks he’s lost his mind, including for the RFA, who's in the corner crying because “What happened to our cold emotionless Jumin Why Is He SO Domestic”

-teaches you to waltz

-the day you make an offhand comment about how you consider him your family, he stops and starts tearing up, pulling you into a tight hug as you confusedly kiss his cheek, only slightly worried about him

Jaehee

-it was one of the first things the two of you really talked about, a kind of bond forming over past trauma and losing a part of your childhood.

-she’s a very action forward woman, knows that she can’t change the past, but she sure as hell can help you heal from it.

-she takes you to show you all her favourite sweets from her childhood, and takes you to spots she loved sitting in as a kid, trying to share these experiences with you

-she challenges you to a race to see who can climb to the top of a tree the fastest, and it’s one of the few times you see her truly free, giggling as she watches you struggle up the branches, meeting you with a kiss when you finally reach the top, and with her it feels like nothing else in the world matters, that in that moment the only ones that exist are her and the sunset, making her smile shine, casting an ethereal glow on her face as she caresses your cheek lovingly.

-tries to take more breaks to spend more time with you, building more memories in places that most people deem “kiddie places”

-yes im saying she takes you to SkyZone and/or a ball-pit

-she gets lost in the ball-pit, slowly sinking lower and lower as you have to dramatically rescue her

-diner dates, sharing a milkshake and relaxing together after a long day of work, and although none of it can bring back the past, her devotion to giving you fu childhood related memories lessens the pain, and the memories that you build with her of course will always last forever

Yoosung

-he’s always so excited about meeting your family, about joining two families and building a new one- with this boy its always about family, so how the hell do you bring up that you dont actually have one?

-when you do finally tell him, he stops in his tracks, trying to process how that could be

-he’s a good listener, bless him, and he listens to your story, how you were mostly in and out of orphanages and foster families and grew up a child of the System.

-at first he doesn’t know what to do with the information, and feels the deep pangs in his chest when he realizes that you missed out on so many things growing up, things that he took for granted

-you already view him as family, (frankly its hard not too, his general attitude towards you, the constant loving gazes, the way the two of you were always there for each other, mixed with the annoying comments of the RFA on how the two of you are “so married” making it hard not to), but he still sets out to make you feel like his family is yours

-this means he introduces you to his family.

-he knows how nervous you are the day before, and calls ahead without you knowing and tells his family to take it easy and not overwhelm you

-however they still do- overwhelm you with love i mean

-his grandma is immediately sizing you up and telling you to eat more, asking what size sweaters you wear and his dad is making silly jokes at your expense, yoosung holding your hand as him and his dad go back and forth one teasing, one protecting you. his mum is smiling, holding a wooden spoon as she steps out of the kitchen, calling yoosung to help her with the cooking

-his sisters dote on you, introducing you to their husbands as their children run around in the background screaming in happiness, yelling at you to join them in playing tag, and their gleeful laughs draw you in. stopped by yoosung as you run into him, almost making him drop the mashed potatoes, and the look on your face is priceless, making the whole day worth it

-you get along with his oldest sister spectacularly, and you have your time to joke about yoosung as you ask his grandma for embarrassing stories of yoosung. (you enjoy watching his get increasingly flustered as he tries to hide in the crook of your neck)

-you and his parents have a long chat, ending in them hugging you and telling you just how much they appreciate you and the way you’ve made his son grow. the two of you seem so happy together, perfect even.

-it’s almost one in the morning when the two of you start heading home. as the two of you walk to your car, he colds you close to his side, placing small kisses on your cheek as he watches you smile softly.

- “mc i know, i know that you,, may not have had a family growing up but know that,, know that you always have a family in us, you’re a part of my family now, and you’ll always have us. we’re not going anywhere.”

Seven

separate post [here]

Zen

-he’s a good listener, and listening to you talk about growing up poor and alone breaks his heart

-he can empathize, he had to grow up too fast, but he can’t even begin to imagine what you had to go through

-he’s there for you, always trying to make you feel better, and even though you never had a true family, he always lets you know that you’ll always have a family in him, even though you aren't legally married yet, nothing can stop him from calling you his family

-he’s not one to go all big and grand, he knows that logically you can never get that time back, but that doesnt mean you dont deserve that same childish delight that most people get

-he’s one to treat you closer than ever, like true family, constantly reminding you that he loves you and protecting you from everything he possibly can, doing everything in his power to make sure that you’re protected from pain

-carnival date!!!!

-he takes you out to the carnival, playing all the booth games with you, making it a competition who can win more (the winner being no one)

-you get your face painted, a cliche green butterfly under your left eye, zen getting a matching red butterfly under his left

he ends up just buying you a large teddy bear, unable to have actually won you one (he’s extremely ashamed of himself but its the thought that counts)

-the two of you go on a carnival food spree, buying a little bit of everything as you walk hand in hand to the ferris wheel, (eating with a view amirite)

-please know that he’ll always do anything in his power to keep you safe and make sure you know you’re loved. you’re his family and, along with the RFA he’s yours.

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arysafics · 5 years

Text

Hungry

Summary: Clarke isn't really interested in having a dick shoved down her throat until Raven tells her all about their boss's huge dick.

Prompt: clarke and raven at the bar, and raven is just telling her how she enjoys it when her boyfriend shaw fucks her face and how it makes her gag and shit. and clarke is just like "im so glad im also attracted to girls. i dont see the whole appeal of having a dick in your mouth so big you cry like i use this thing to breath" and ofc the bartender bellamy there who she sees every week is gonna try and prove her wrong and clarke actually finds out shes what the kids call a size queen or something? bonus if he grabs her hair roughly, or chokes her a little

Rated E, ~4.2k

Clarke had tried to persuade Raven to go to a different bar tonight. It’s her night off, she doesn’t want to hang around work when there are so many other bars they can go to, where her boss won’t be there to see her trying to pick up. But Raven had persuaded her by pointing out that Bellamy will likely give them free drinks, or at the very least, a discount, since they work for him. And being a struggling artist during the day, Clarke jumps at the words free and discount.

Which is how they end up sitting at the bar at Augustus’. Bellamy evidently has a thing for Roman history.

“Here on your night off?” he grins as he greets them. “Just can’t stay away, can you?” His flirtation is directed at Raven of course. The two of them are always flirting, despite the fact that Raven has a boyfriend. She claims Shaw doesn’t care who she flirts with, as long as she’s only sleeping with him.

“Because you’re going to give us half price cocktails, right?” Raven hints.

Bellamy gives her an unimpressed look. “You can have one cocktail each, on the house. After that you can pay for them, or you can drink half price beer.”

“We’ll have two Orgasms,” Raven says. “And two cocktails as well,” she says cheekily. Bellamy glances at Clarke and she rolls her eyes.

“I’ve actually got just the thing for you,” Bellamy says to Raven. “Clarke? What’ll it be?”

“I’ll just have a Cosmo.”

“Coming right up,” he pats the bar then goes off to make their cocktails.

“Okay,” Raven says, turning on her stool to survey the moderately crowded bar. “Let’s see who you can go home with tonight.”

“I’m capable of doing that myself, thank you,” Clarke says.

“Yeah, but I have a boyfriend and I have to live vicariously through you.”

“Aren’t you like—in love with Shaw?”

“Sure I am. Doesn’t mean I don’t miss dating sometimes,” Raven says. She turns back to Clarke. “Although, you know, the sex just keeps getting better and better the longer we’re together. It’s like he’s making me realise I’m into things I never thought I would be into.”

“Like what?” Clarke asks, although she’s wondering if she should have waited until she had some alcohol in her to ask. Raven already shares way more of her sex life with Clarke than Clarke cares to know.

“You know how I told you Shaw has a really big dick?” Raven says, not bothering to lower her voice at all.

“I remember.”

“Okay, well sometimes he just like—fucks my face. Like just shoves his dick down my throat and makes me gag and choke on it. It’s so hot.”

“You like that?” Clarke snorts. “God, I don’t even like sucking dick at the best of times, let alone having one shoved down my throat. This is why I prefer going down on women.”

“Come on,” Raven says, trying to coax a different response out of her. “You don’t find it a little bit hot?”

“No. Gross,” Clarke screws up her nose. “How are you even supposed to breathe? I just don’t see the appeal of having a dick in your mouth so big you cry.”

“Don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it,” comes Bellamy’s voice.

Clarke whips her head around, her face growing hot. Of all the things for him to overhear.

“Have you tried it?” she quips, despite her embarrassment.

“Giving or receiving?” he grins. Clarke already regrets asking. Bellamy doesn’t seem to be embarrassed in the slightest, while Clarke’s face is already three shades redder. Why does she have to have a crush on her boss? It’s the worst. He winks at her, and her stomach goes all mushy.

“You might like it,” he says, his voice dropping low. Clarke’s breath hitches. Is he offering?

“You have no idea what I like.”

Bellamy tilts his head, as if to say maybe, maybe not. He places two cocktails on the bar, a pink one and an orange one. “A Cosmo and my new invention, the Raven Reyes.”

“You made me my own cocktail?” Raven says, delighted. Bellamy laughs. “What’s in it?”

“Vodka, mostly,” he says, still grinning. Clarke pouts, taking a sullen sip of her cocktail.

“Relax, Princess,” Bellamy says, noticing her displeasure. “I’m inventing one for you too. And then we’ll see if I know what you like or not.”

He winks at her again, then he wanders off to serve someone else, leaving Clarke staring after him, open mouthed.

“Is he allowed to say that to me?” Clarke asks Raven.

“As if you didn’t love it,” Raven snorts. She takes a sip of her cocktail. “You should try it,” she says.

“It just looks like a regular Screwdriver to me.”

“There’s definitely something else in here,” Raven says, studying the glass like it will tell her the secret ingredient. “But that’s not what I was talking about. You should try having your face fucked by a huge dick.”

Clarke rolls her eyes. “Even if I did want to do that, what am I supposed to do, just stand up on this barstool and ask the room who has the biggest dick?”

“Just ask Bellamy.”

“Does he make all his patrons show him their dicks? Is that a new policy?”

“No, I mean, he has a huge dick. Bigger than Shaw’s even.”

Clarke almost chokes on her Cosmo. “How do you even know that?”

“I fucked him like… a week after I was hired.”

“And you’re only telling me this now?”

Raven shrugs and takes a sip of her not-Screwdriver. “I didn’t want you to be jealous.”

“Jealous?” Clarke sputters. “Why would I be jealous?”

Raven raises an eyebrow, unimpressed. “Please, Clarke, your crush on him is so obvious. So why don’t you just go over there and tell him you want his dick in your mouth? We’ll all be happier for it.”

Clarke looks over to where he’s flirting with another patron. “He’s not interested in me,” Clarke mutters.

“But you do want his dick in your mouth?”

“No,” Clarke says. Except, she would totally suck his dick if he wanted her to. Even if it’s as big as Raven says. She feels a throb between her legs, and she squeezes her thighs together tightly, telling herself she’s not turned on by the thought of having his huge cock in her mouth.

“Whatever you say, Clarke,” Raven snorts. She turns back around to survey the room. “We’ll find you someone with a small dick, shall we? Or no dick? Wouldn’t want to get you out of your comfort zone.”

Despite Raven’s best efforts at finding a target for Clarke to go home with, Clarke ends up going home alone. She feels too awkward trying to hit on someone when Bellamy is right there. Not that she thinks he’s watching her or anything, or paying even the slightest bit of attention to her. But he’s her boss and it would be weird. It’s got nothing to do with the fact that she has a crush on him.

She clambers into bed, still half drunk, and switches the lamp off. She’ll probably scroll through social media for a while before she goes to sleep. She gets a text from Raven, that at a glance reads: Look what I found. You’re welcome.

Clarke opens it, then sits bolt upright, her heart pounding, when she sees the picture attached. Bellamy’s cock. She knows it has to be his, even though his face isn’t in the picture. But it’s his skin tone, and his hair colour, and covered in freckles, just like his face. And it’s fucking huge. Clarke almost whimpers out loud at the sight of it, and she can feel her panties getting damp. Which doesn’t make any sense, because Clarke doesn’t even like big dicks. She’s pretty sure.

Another text from Raven comes through informing her, in case she hadn’t already figured it out, that is, in fact, Bellamy. Clarke doesn’t respond. She stares at the picture for a hell of a lot longer than is probably healthy before she puts her phone down. The image is burned into her mind now anyway. How is she supposed to sleep after seeing that?

She lies there, cunt throbbing, willing herself to think of anything else. She slips her hand under the covers, pausing at the waistband of her pyjamas, before sliding underneath and pressing her fingers into her slit. God, she’s wet. So fucking wet. She pulls her fingers away hastily, curling her hand into a fist. She’s never masturbated to the thought of him before, and she’s not going to start now. It’s not because she’s never wanted to. But she’s sure if she did, he’d somehow know. Which is ridiculous, but she still can’t take that risk.

So she keeps her arms on top of the covers, but she still thinks about his cock inside her until she falls asleep.

She hurries in to the bar the following night, dressed in black jeans and a low-cut tank top. The more cleavage she shows, the more tips she gets.

“I’m not late!” she yells at Bellamy as she passes, heading out the back to the staff area. She throws her bag down, scoops her hair on top of her head and ties it there, making peace with the fact that she’ll have to put up with the strands that fall out.

It’s busy already when she gets back out and takes her place behind the bar, and the first couple of hours go quickly. She barely says two words to Bellamy. She does, however, find herself constantly distracted by him, and she keeps glancing at his crotch. Not that anything is visible in his dark jeans. But she knows what’s under there now, and she can’t stop thinking about it.

He touches her a few times, as he passes behind her, or reaches in front of her, and each time her heart stops for a moment. Is it possible her crush got even more unbearable overnight?

Eventually the night winds down, and they kick the stragglers out in the early morning so they can close up. Clarke stacks glasses while she watches Bellamy wipe down the bar, her eyes following every movement of his muscled arms. She’s never been more aware that it’s just the two of them, alone in an empty bar. She should feel exhausted after that shift, but she’s never felt more awake.

They clean up in silence, which isn’t totally unusual, but it’s not exactly usual either. She’s not sure if it’s a they’re both tired and want to go home kind of silence, or a I’ve been thinking about your cock for the last twenty-four hours and I don’t know how to talk to you kind of silence.

“All done?” Bellamy eventually asks, snapping Clarke out of her little fantasy in which he pushes her down onto her knees right here in front of him and shoves his cock into her mouth.

“Um, yes,” Clarke says, her cheeks heating up.

“You ready to try something new?”

“What?” Clarke says. Her heart is thrumming in her chest and her mouth has gone dry. Surely he can’t mean—?

“Remember what I said last night?” Clarke nods slowly. She remembers all too well. She hasn’t been able to stop thinking about it since. “Don’t you want to try it?”

Clarke stares at him. She can hardly believe he’s asking, or that he’s being so casual about it. Especially after how she responded to him yesterday. Does he know she’s been thinking about his cock all night? Maybe he caught her constantly looking at his crotch.

“Okay,” she whispers hoarsely.

“Okay, just give me a second—close your eyes,” he says. Clarke’s eyes flutter shut. She has no idea what’s happening, but she’s all too happy to let him take the lead. Her cunt throbs. She can’t believe how much she wants this.

She fidgets nervously. She can hear her heartbeat pounding in her ears. She can only be glad he’s not making fun of her for her quick change of heart. She had been so adamant last night, and all it took was a picture of his cock to get her to change her mind.

“Okay,” Bellamy says. He’s standing right in front of her. She can practically feel him, though he’s not touching her at all. “Open your mouth.”

Fuck, she’s so nervous. “Shouldn’t I be on my knees for this?” she asks. She hardly recognises the sound of her own voice, it’s so weak and desperate.

“On your knees?”

Clarke opens her eyes. Bellamy is standing there in front of her, holding a pink cocktail in a martini glass, a little paper straw pointed towards her. Oh.

“Oh my god,” Clarke whispers. Her gut drops. He meant the fucking cocktail. Because of course he did. “Um, thanks,” she says, taking the cocktail from him. Her face is hot as hell, and she’s pretty sure she’s never been more embarrassed in her life. There’s no way she can sweep that on her knees comment under the rug, right?

Clarke downs half the cocktail quickly. It tastes amazing. Like peach, mostly. She’s sure she’d enjoy it more if she wasn’t feeling like the biggest fool on the planet.

“Clarke—did you think I meant—”

She can’t look at him. “It doesn’t matter,” she says quickly, shoving the half full glass back into his hands. “I’m an idiot. The cocktail is very nice, thanks.”

“Guess I do know what you like, huh?” Clarke wants to die. “Clarke, look at me,” Bellamy says firmly. His deep voice is so fierce and commanding, she can do nothing but obey. He’s not laughing at her. He doesn’t look offended or disgusted. His pupils are blown wide, mirroring her own, Clarke is sure.

Bellamy puts the glass down on the bench beside him. He folds his arms and Clarke watches his muscles tense. God, everything he does is so sexy.

“Bellamy—” she starts, though she has no idea where she’s going.

“Get on your knees,” he says. Clarke feels a thrill go through her. She bites her lip, searching Bellamy’s eyes to make sure he’s serious. He stares her down.

Clarke swallows, then slowly sinks to her knees in front of him, her eyes never leaving his. He steps forward and pulls the tie from her hair so it cascades around her shoulders.

“What do you want, Clarke?”

“I want your cock in my mouth.” God, she wants it so bad. “Please.”

Bellamy’s hands move to his belt, and Clarke watches as he undoes it, mesmerised by his big hands. She should’ve known his cock was huge just from looking at his enormous hands. He undoes his fly and drops his pants. Clarke’s heart speeds up with every movement. She can see the outline of his erection in his boxers.

She looks up at his face again.

“You can take them off,” he tells her.

Clarke tries not to look too eager as she turns her attention to his crotch again. She edges his boxers down, revealing his cock. The picture really didn’t do it justice. It’s so much bigger in real life, so much bigger than she could comprehend from the picture. It’s all freckled and veiny, and hard, just for her.

“Open your mouth,” he commands her for the second time tonight. Clarke drops her jaw for him. “You’re gonna have to do better than that, sweetheart.”

Bellamy threads his fingers into her hair, then fists it into his hand, tugging her head back roughly. She gasps, making her mouth open wider, and then the head of his cock on her tongue, invading her mouth.

He tastes a little of sweat and a little of salt, but nothing overpowering. And anyway, the taste of him is irrelevant compared to how he fills her mouth.

“You like that, don’t you?” Bellamy says as he pushes his cock further into her mouth, still holding onto her hair. “Knew you would. Knew you’d love having my huge cock in your mouth. You’re a closet size queen, aren’t you? And maybe a closet submissive too?”

Clarke flushes, but she can’t answer with his cock filling her mouth so completely. He holds her head in place so she can’t move.

“You look so pretty like this, Clarke. On your knees, your pretty little lips wrapped around my cock. So greedy for it. You want to choke on it, don’t you? Want me to fuck your face, take me so far down your throat you can’t breathe.”

Clarke whimpers, the growing need between her legs telling her he’s right. She hums against his cock, letting him know that’s exactly what she wants. His cock hits the back of her throat and she gags.

“Well, we can’t have that, can we?” Bellamy says, pulling back slightly. Clarke feels a swell of shame that she’s disappointed him. There’s still so much of him left, and she’s eager to have his whole cock inside her. She has this desperate need to please him, to show him she can take it all, that she can be good for him.

“Let’s try again,” Bellamy says. This time when Bellamy reaches the back of her throat, Clarke manages to stifle her gag reflex. “Good girl,” Bellamy whispers, shoving the rest of his cock down her throat, pushing her face against his crotch, his pubic hair tickling her nose.

Clarke’s throat protests the invasion, wants to close up, dislodge the intruder. The rest of her body welcomes him, feels proud that she can take all of him. Her pussy aches, desperate for something inside it. Tears form in her eyes as he holds her there, and she chokes a little. It’s too much. She can’t breathe. She’s going to die from choking on his cock. But what a way to go, right?

He releases her, saliva dripping from her mouth as he pulls his cock out. She wipes her mouth, face flaming as she looks up at him. As overwhelming as it was to have his cock in her throat, she misses it now that it’s gone.

“Don’t worry, I’m still going to fuck your face,” Bellamy tells her. “Just giving you a little break.”

“Okay,” Clarke says.

“How’d that feel, huh? Having my cock shoved down your throat? You liked it, didn’t you?”

“Yes,” Clarke nods.

Bellamy considers her for a moment. “How about your take your clothes off? Think I want to see you nice and naked for me.”

Clarke nods. She can feel his eyes on her as she pulls her tank top over her head, then unclips her bra, revealing her breasts to him. Then she unbuttons her jeans with shaky hands. She goes to get to her feet so she can pull them off, but Bellamy puts his hand on her head to hold her down.

“No,” he says. “You’ll stay on your knees until I’m done with you.”

Clarke nods, then pulls her jeans and panties down as far as she can. God, she feels dirty. She’s essentially naked on the sticky floor of her place of employment, her boss’s cock inches from her face. This is so not the kind of girl she is.

Bellamy looks down at her, and she flushes under his appraising gaze. “God, you’re gorgeous,” he says, almost as if he’s annoyed about it. “Haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since I hired you.” He strokes his cock as he talks and Clarke eyes it, her mouth watering.

“You’re so hungry for it, aren’t you?” Bellamy whispers. “Desperate for my cock.”

Clarke nods. “Please,” she whimpers. “Use my mouth. I want you to. I need it.”

Bellamy fists his hands into her hair, and she opens her mouth wide. He doesn’t take it slow this time. He shoves his cock into her mouth as far as it can go, lodging himself in her throat, showing her exactly who she belongs to and what she’s good for.

He pulls back slightly, but it’s only so he can thrust in again, and then he’s fucking her face in earnest, his hands tight in her hair, his balls slapping against her chin obscenely. Clarke can hardly breathe, and tears stream from her eyes, as he thrusts against her face, assaulting her mouth as if she’s just a hole to be used.

It’s overwhelming, degrading, and a little painful. But, god, she loves it. Her cunt pounds. She wants to slip her fingers between her legs and finger herself. The sounds he’s making, the grunts, the groans, let her know just how much he likes it too.

“Fuck, Clarke,” her swears. “Feels so good. Bet you’re desperate for something in your pussy, too, aren’t you? Bet you’re wet as hell.”

She makes an attempt at an answer, but all that comes out is a muffled moan as he continues to fuck her face.

“Touch yourself, Clarke,” Bellamy says, panting. “Want you to feel as good as I feel.”

Clarke doesn’t hesitate, her hand dropping between her legs, straight to her clit. She’s in no state to tease herself and take it slow, and she rubs her clit with the same vigour of Bellamy’s forceful thrusts.

“I’m gonna come, Clarke,” Bellamy groans. “Gonna come in your mouth, just like you want.”

She whimpers at that, obsessed with the thought of his come on her tongue, filling her mouth. It should disgust her, right? Why doesn’t any of this disgust her?

He grabs her hair harder as he comes, tugging it roughly as he spills into her mouth. Clarke lets his come fill her mouth, still fingering herself, almost there. She speeds up her motions, desperate now, and then her orgasm hits her, just as Bellamy finishes.

Clarke gasps, and come spills out of her mouth, dripping over her bottom lip and chin. She swallows the rest as Bellamy pulls out of her mouth and she rides out her orgasm. She collapses onto her thighs, breathing heavy, the taste of come in her mouth, her face all sticky with it.

She looks up at Bellamy, feeling dirty and a little embarrassed, but satisfied. Bellamy grabs a handful of napkins from the bar and hands them to her.

“You okay?” he asks her. Clarke nods, taking the napkins and wiping her face. Bellamy grabs some napkins of his own to clean up his dick.

“I’m a little—surprised at myself,” she admits.

“I gotta say, I’m a little surprised myself,” Bellamy grins. “You changed your mind pretty quickly.”

“Um,” Clarke says, blushing. She watches him as he pulls his boxers back up, and then his pants. Clarke is aware that she’s still naked on the floor, but part of her wants him to tell her what to do still. So she waits for his permission to get dressed. “Raven sent me a picture of your dick. That’s what made me change my mind.”

Bellamy laughs. “That impressive, was it?” He looks her up and down, then seems to realise she’s waiting for him to tell her she can get dressed. “You can put your clothes back on,” he says.

Clarke is silent as she dresses, Bellamy’s eyes on her the whole time. He holds out a hand to help her to her feet.

“You did like it, didn’t you?” Bellamy asks, searching her eyes. “You didn’t just—do it because I’m your boss or something?”

Clarke shakes her head. “I wanted it,” she confesses. She doesn’t know how she’s going to fuck anybody else after that. After knowing what his cock looks like, what it tastes like. All she wants is to know what it feels like in her cunt. She’s going to have to buy herself a bigger dildo. “Is it going to be weird now?” Clarke whispers. “Working together, now that we’ve done that?”

Bellamy shakes his head. He surprises her then by reaching forward and taking her hand. So gentle after the way he used her mouth only minutes earlier. She looks down to where their hands meet, her heart racing.

“Listen, I know that was a lot,” Bellamy says. “And definitely not a romantic start for us,” he grins. “But would you want to maybe date me?”

“Date you?”

Bellamy nods. “Yeah,” he says. “I like you a lot. I’ve liked you for a long time, but I never said anything because you work for me. But I feel like that line might have already been crossed now.”

Clarke ducks her head, smiling. She can still taste his come. “You’re probably right.”

“So what do you say? If you say no, I promise I won’t be weird about it and I’ll just go back to being your annoying boss.”

“You’re not annoying,” Clarke tells him. “And yes. I want to date you.”

#bellarke #bellarke fanfiction #the 100 #the 100 fanfiction #mine

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sanguinarius-archive · 5 years

Note

Hey! Could I get to know some of your headcanons about dickfigures/your designs for them? :D

ya ya sure!!!!

i already have my designs for them up if you havent seen, here they are!

as for headcanons idk how long this post will be so ill just add a read more for anyone who might not wanna scroll thru it all lol

red!!!!!

his real name is rowan bc i thought it was cute, also it means “little red one” which is eVEN BETTER

he’s nonbinary masc and bisexual! the self projection is REAL

he has adhd

most of my headcanons kinda flow into my own version of dick figures because i’m not very Satisfied with canon NJSJDNSKM so like. for example red doesn’t just kill people or whatever. he gets into fights and has scars and wears bandaids a lot bc of them

he graduated college with blue, he got a bachelor’s degree in fine arts (honestly idk how college works bc im a grade 10 baby so if thats like totally wrong just let me know also im. canadian so idk how american school system works LOL)

red got suspended a lot in high school but never expelled. mostly bc he got in fights that were mainly him protecting stacey from shitty people (he sees her as his sister so he was rlly protective) and the school wasnt really sure what else to do so they just. you know. suspended him a bunch of times hoping itd do something but it didnt

he hates his dad! reason being is bc when he was born, his dad was actually an alien able to disguise himself as human, so he wanted to take red back to his home planet cuz red turned out to be more powerful than anything his dad had ever seen. but red’s mom was like Nope, so she snuck out with him and his plush cat (kitty amazing) and they were never found. red is very close with his mom and is scared of his dad coming back someday

we know he canonically likes rlly loud music so im just gonna project here and say he’s a metalhead. at least, some form of it. he likes the alt scene music and industrial rock. examples being deftones, nine inch nails, skinny puppy, rage against the machine, kittie and others. it keeps him focused and calm

bLUE!!!

we know blue was bullied as a kid but i dont wanna say red also bullied him bc i feel like thats just wrong to me? MAYBE ITS NOT ACTUALLY but it just makes me sad so like. lets say red, being as protective as he is, stood up for blue a lot cuz he was like “oh this kid cant fight” so he knew what to do

blue dated pink for awhile but they mutually agreed to break up after blue realized this wasnt what he wanted (he came to the conclusion that he was gay, well, he knew for awhile but it was Internalized Homophobia)

he grew up in a very conservative family so to see the world completely differently by meeting red, ems (lt), pink and stacey was a very good thing for him. unfortunately even tho his family did love him, it was conditional so they stopped talking to him after he came out. thankfully he’d already graduated high school by that point

despite being emotional blue isn’t very good at understanding how he’s an emotional person. he’s able to distinct one feeling from another and analyze them, but it’s just... hard for him to kind of. process WHY he feels a certain way? which is what’s led to a lot of his struggles in getting closer with ppl

he loooves reading and writing we already know this but i mean come on. he also got a bachelor’s degree in english/ela. so he’s able to become a teacher ig but he doesn’t really want to? at least not for awhile yet

blue was ems’ first friend. at first he couldn’t understand why they had tics but decided he shouldn’t get into someone else’s business. he didn’t find it weird, just cool!

he and red would always pair up for projects if they had classes together!!!!!! blue would do the writing/research and red would do the illustrations. they always turned out really good even if it ended with red cramming it at the last minute

surprisingly hates broseph more than red. well i mean its not surprising, because broseph was always a huge DICK to him

blue’s real name is wyatt!!!!! i forget the meaning but i felt the sound of it and the meaning fit him well

piiiiink!!!!!!!!!!

she’s still in college, getting her doctorate to be an astrophysicist!

pink is very very smart and will help anyone who’s struggling with something in school. she was basically the genius who always got in the honor roll every year. but, she actually was really anxious especially with exams

pink encourages stacey to go back to school, and sometimes stacey does, but she always ends up leaving again. it’s a little stressful but pink has hope for her

she’s never drank one sip of alcohol in her entire life. she smoked weed once, but it felt weird so she didn’t do it again

ever since she and blue broke up she’s been very supportive of him bc she herself is bisexual!!! so she sees nothing weird about it. in fact, about almost a year later she started dating stacey

pink’s real name is lily. when she became friends with blue she met red through him and she was like “can i join your nickname thing” and they said “sure” so they called her pink. stacey sometimes calls her pinky or just pink but mostly lily

pink helped red with academics. even tho he was sometimes insufferable to work with (/j thats a Joke i promise she’s a very patient person) she didn’t give up on him!!!! in return he helped her out with some fitness stuff cuz pink was always insecure about gym, and later when she graduated she actually got into exercising bc of red!

she loves travelling and going for walks. she owns a lot of houseplants and she’s given them all names and takes very good care of them! she also owns an albino ball python named Velvet

STACEYYY!!!!!!!

stacey is nOT actually all about sex this time ok. i don’t like that. i mean she did have some personality in canon but it wasn’t much? anyways she just really likes to express herself thru tight/”risque” clothing like fishnets and leather and pleated skirts and thigh-highs and platform boots, all of that. basically she’s a goth girl but doesn’t really “act” like one

she’s really intelligent when it comes to animals and insects and will tell you anything you need to know. when she goes back to college she gets a degree in environmental science

stacey can play the electric and bass guitars!!!! she was in a band back in high school but it never really went anywhere beyond performances at parties in someone’s garage. not that she didn’t like it, looking back on it makes her feel happy, but she wished it continued. probably why she has a hard time going back to college bc she’s not sure what she really wants

stacey is a trans woman btw!!!!! unfortunately it was a little difficult in high school to be who she was bc some kids were jerks, but there were a lot of others who supported her which is good

she views red as her brother as well and they still hang out a lot

i haven’t really had time to focus on stacey and make headcanons and stuff for her so i don’t have a lot but... let’s say, secretly, she’s a scifi nerd. and for the sake of debate, let’s say she’s a marvel fan. if you count being a fan of deadpool as being a fan of marvel

LOVES GIRLS.... loves pink!!!

has very similar music taste to red’s!!!!!

emssss!!!!!!! (lt)

instead of being a stereotype of ppl with tourette’s syndrome, it’s just a normal thing that isn’t focused on a whole lot. it doesn’t make ems swear but if they get really really frustrated they’ll curse while doing one of their tics

ems is agender, i’d say they’re also ageless but i don’t really want to make them too “nonhuman” because i feel like that’s dehumanizing to people with tourette’s. so let’s just say most laws of existence don’t apply to them

they’re very friendly!

they’re an aspiring musician, just like in canon

ems is also big into horror movies believe it or not. they’re pretty critical of them though like most horror movie fans, and only like specific ones (i’m not a horror movie fan myself so i can’t say what Specific Ones they like ajsdhbjn just imagine they have good taste okay)

they r very artsy too and like doing crafts cause it gives them something to focus on. it’s just a hobby though it’s not something they’re Professional at

they love nature and flowers and trees and all kinds of plants and animals!!! they like to document what they see when they travel thru nature and stuff so they bring a camera with them (and their phone, but, you know whatever)

ems was never really affected by things people said to them regarding their syndrome. to them it was something they were born with, so they couldn’t bother to feel bad about themselves. in certain situations theyre able to control it but 90% of the time they don’t care about what ppl think

aaaand there u go!!! as for minor characters like raccoon, jason/trollz0r, broseph, dingleberry, they all exist (raccoon isnt a racist stereotype tho), i just dont focus on them a whole lot. most of my hcs for stacey and ems here were thought up on the spot since i havent had time to lay out all my ideas for them but i hope what i have here is good !!!!

also, red and blue ARE dating, and pink and stacey ARE ALSO dating. gay rights

#asks #dick figures #Anonymous

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ohpenelopes · 5 years

Text

i mean i could be aesthetic but instead i'm just pathetic

ALISHA BOE? No, that’s actually PENELOPE “PENNY” BROWN-PATIL from the NEXT GENERATION ERA. You know, the child of LAVENDER BROWN and PARVATI PATIL? Only 21 years old, this HUFFLEPUFF alumni works as a BARISTA and is sided with THE NEUTRALS. SHE identifies as a CIS WOMAN and is a PUREBLOOD who is known to be SELF-PITYING, A PERFECTIONIST, and INSECURE but also FLEXIBLE, GENTLE and IMAGINATIVE.

LINKS – pinboard, stats. CHARACTER PARALLELS – jackie burkhart ( that 70s show ), chloe gemell ( my mad fat diary ), mini mcguinness ( skins uk ), engel beekman ( skam nl ), cassie howard ( euphoria ), emaline ( everything sucks! ), gretchen wieners ( mean girls ), caroline forbes ( the vampire diaries -- earlier seasons ), kelly kapoor ( the office ) AESTHETIC – star shaped hoop earrings, drawing hearts all over your notes, needle pricked finger tips, unapologetic femininity, a loud and cheerful laugh echoing through a hallway, pinky promises, heart shaped sunglasses hiding hungover stained eyes, movie nights with popcorn and rose wine, drowning in the sea of your own thoughts HEADS UP – this intro has mentions of anxiety, but i’ve marked all of these with a trigger warning! <3

backstory ( 2008 - 2026 )

penny is born penelope lyra brown-patil --- penelope, for the woman who not only waited faithfully for her husband’s return for years, but who tricked many man in the process; lyra, for the constellation (because the stars are so wise) --- and as the second (and eventual middle) child to lavender and parvati

and she grows up happy. her childhood is peaceful and wonderful, filled with fun days and laughter. there’s not much out of the ordinary --- it’s stable and beautiful, and penny longs for those days quite a lot.

at some point, she learns of the things her parents went through at school, about war and rebellion and fear. penny admires her mothers more than anything --- she’s scared of this world, of this past, but she’s filled with admiration and a bit of fear that she won’t be able to live up to that. (she doesn’t have to, of course --- there’s no pressure or reason to, but still; she wonders about it, and she can’t shake the thought.)

anxiety tw | though life was stable and good, penny has always felt very uncertain about ... everything. insecurity has never been a stranger to her, nor has anxiety or pressure. she has high expectations of herself, expecting nothing short of the best --- and when she failed as a child (whether it was in playing quidditch on toy brooms or when drawing or when trying to sing perfectly), she would throw tantrums. she got help for this as a child after she had her first full-blown anxiety attack, but it never really faded. | end of tw

her interests as a child mostly range from princess stories to drawing elaborate things to cutting out pretty outfits from fashion magazines. she’s gentle and quiet and excitable when she wants to be, a whirlwind of pink and smiles and tangled long hair

at hogwarts, penny is sorted in hufflepuff (though the hat did consider ravenclaw) for her spirit. she doesn’t mind not being a gryffindor like her parents once were (or, at least, she doesn’t later on; at first it just seems like an affirmation that she’s not as brave as they are), likes how yellow compliments her eyes and fits in quite nicely among the puffs.

anxiety tw | teenagedom is a tough time for her. it seems like everyone is able to juggle it all, and then there’s penny: unable to keep up good grades and look pretty and have an exciting social life and have enough sleep. she feels like she’s drowning in all the expectations she has for herself, feels like she’s the only one on this world who is suffering (she’s prone to a woe is me mentality, for sure) and so hides it all behind perfectly curated smiles. her insecurity has always been strong, but it grows. she drowns them out by pretending. end of tw

in those years, she should be learning who she is, but in stead, penny learns how to be what others want. she shifts and shapes and bends herself to match others expectations --- she’s loud and funny and excitable among her peers, grinning widely and flipping her hair, appearing confident and extroverted and completely at ease. sometimes she’s quieter, a more gentle and softer being, lovely and quaint. she’s a model student (minus the amazing grades) to her teachers, a kind older housemate to the first years, a tough bitch when situations call for it. and sometimes it feels genuine, this person she’s showing off, and sometimes it all feels like a play. it depends, on her mood, on the role, on the weather, on the stars.

and you know what? it works. for most of the time. and then sometimes, it doesn’t, and there’s nothing to do but cry endless tears in her bed and be the most melodramatic person in the castle. alcohol tw | this happens when she’s drunk most of the time, to be honest --- penny is such a messy drunk. end of tw

penny also developed a taste for fuckboys during this time. she wanted to feel loved, she wanted to be touched, to be desired, and part of her was desperate --- but that didn’t make it okay for guys to treat her that way, period. i would get into this more but i don’t feel comfy about doing that akdjssdf.

when she turned fourteen, she got a sewing machine for her birthday. the next schoolyear, she dragged the thing behind her into the castle, unable to part from it after a summer of sewing. penny had always been interested in fashion, but now she was able to take it to the next level.

the dream to become a fashion designer grows and grows and grows, and penny is quite handy with the sewing machine, and her designs aren’t half bad, but of course it’s a stupid dream --- because penny doesn’t believe in herself, not yet at least.

post-graduation life ( 2026 - now )

penny graduated with one ambition only (see above) and no faith in herself. she became a barista, telling herself that she would work on her self esteem, that she would build herself up and become stronger and ready, that she would work on her portfolio and her design skills and that she would practice and work hard and ... that’s where she’s been for the past few years.

not much has changed, to be honest. penny still feels like that lost teenager, and in a certain sense she is --- she has just gained a slight bit of maturity, has moved out and has started working. her sense of self is still incredibly fragile, as is her self esteem, and while she’s trying to improve it, she just hasn’t found the right way to.

she feels so stuck. she feels so frozen. she feels like she has no clue who the hell she is, and she doesn’t know what to do about changing that. another part of her doesn’t even want to be thinking about these things, and just wants to have some fun --- once penny graduated, she definitely started partying more sfksjdfhsdkjfh. party girls dont get hurt!!!!! and like, on one hand, that’s all completely fine, because this is the time for fun and self discovery, and who says you can’t do both?

the timeclash kind of turned everything upside down. it did for everyone, i imagine, but that’s not really how penny sees it (woe is me! why does everything bad always happen to me!!). she’s so scared sakjdf. scared to see her parents and to be a Big Disappointment because she’s scared of the fact that there’s suddenly a war (like, what the fuck?), because she doesn’t want to fight, because she doesn’t even know how to fight!!!

she’s a coward lmao, but a coward with Standards (lookin at you peter)

i mean, if it came down to it --- if she had to protect her friends or family --- she would fight, of course. she’s just not very good at combatical magic, or at strategy, or at anything war or rebellion-related, really (except for smuggling booze into hogwarts, i guess, but that’s something of the past). and that’s fine, if you ask me, but penny doesn’t think it is --- but that doesn’t mean she’s going to push herself to be braver or to do more

personality & details

jfc i rambled so much up there, time to get a bit more coherent up in this BITCH

penny is such a mess. i have a hard time talking about her sometimes because she’s so messy and because her mood and her energy fluctuate so much --- she can be high energy and extroverted one moment, and completely down and sad the other.

did i ... project myself .... onto penny? maybe. partly.

she’s a bit of a chameleon, really. she’s very adaptable and flexible and willing to change for the comfort of others, and she thus feels like she has a small sense of self. this is true, to a certain extent. i think she’s too focused on finding herself that she doesn’t see that she’s already found herself a little, that there are parts of her that are genuine. she’s so hard on herself, expects so much, she’s just ... completely blinded by her own doubts, tbh.

and she’s def a sad bitch and a messy bitch, but she’s so much fun. god. penny just loves laughing and being happy and doing fun and cute stuff! she likes good things! so much! she tries to be such an upbeat person and she can be and agh. i love her like that.

such a romantic. pls stop her. her idea of love makes her so blind and deaf and she always falls for dumb boys :( but skfjshdf she just loves romance! and romantic comedies! and romance novels (tho she struggles to focus on books properly, ngl) and just ... pink hearts and all that fuzzy stuff

when she got her job as a barista, all she thought was that it might just bring her the perfect coffee shop romance

she’s an idiot

she usually just goes by penny, but not because she dislikes the name penelope --- she thinks it’s a really neat name, to be honest (a bit poetic and mysterious), but penny has just been her nickname for so long that she doesn’t want to make people call her penelope. BUT she does want to be referred to as penelope when she gets famous, thank you very much.

regarding that: penny wants to be famous dskfjhdsf. a famous designer, of course --- but she just likes the idea of fame altogether as well!!!

she takes that dream and ambition seriously, in a way. she plans to take serious steps soon (but she’s been saying that for years), always waiting until she feels ready to put herself out there. the idea of being rejected is just ... massive. the idea of not succeeding, of flopping, is so terrifying, that she prefers sticking with her dead-end job, for now. she has been sewing a lot after graduation, and i imagine she constructs a fair amount of her outfits herself (and does the same for friends), but that’s it, and she’s such a Coward about it

when she buys fashion magazines, she always gets two copies so she can use one for cutouts so she can make collages and moodboards

aEsThEtIc QuEeN!!!!

no really though, she has such a good sense for aesthetics. knows what colours and fabrics and prints mesh well together, always looks on Point, etcetera.

idk what to say this intro is such a gd mess bc i wrote everything from scratch and i kept changing my mind about things and while penny is a Very old muse, i changed a LOT oops!!!

#quantum intro #alcohol tw #anxiety tw

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