#my 15 year old self is going crazy rn

[hellixo-dev]

bruh i cannot believe this is Exists Now.

[meruz]

Aforementioned long ask post please excuse me while i try to figure out tumblr's new text editor. I’ll get into the art meme questions first and then the rest at the end.

Ok first of all thank you all for sending in questions! Giving me an excuse to talk hehe. I’ll address these in number order. Here’s a link to the ask meme for reference but also I’ll restate the question for ease of reading.

1. When did you get into art?

Super cliche answer but I don’t remember a time where I WASN’T the weird art kid! I started keeping a dedicated sketchbook when I was about 12? But here’s a page from my kindergarten journal about what I want to be when I grow up.

2. What art-related sites have you ever signed up for? 

LOL this is a weird question. Not sure why so many people want to know. Anyways I definitely had a dA. more than one dA account. I used to browse oekakis when I was a kid but I think I was only signed up to some small ones that internet friends owned. What else...? Mangabullet,Tegakie, Paintberri, iscribble back when that was a thing, instagram if that COUNTs, I used to post art on livejournal and dreamwidth too. Patreon, I guess. Gumroad, inprnt, bigcartel, storenvy all for selling stuff.

In terms of resources.. I have a schoolism account that I’m sharing with friends. Used to take classes on coursera for free. I signed up to textures.com for work recently haha. I can’t remember if I ever had an account on posemaniacs. Did they have accounts...? I definitely used to visit all the time.

3. Show us your oldest piece of art you have on hand.

Alright here’s me actually logging into my old deviantart account. These are from September 2008 So I was 13 years old. I don’t have a deviantart account from before then because 13 was the required age for having an account and I didn’t want to lie about my age because I wanted people to be impressed by how young yet clearly incredible at art I was LOL.

4. What defines your artistic style?

You guys are probably more equipped to answer this than me but uh... I wanna say... Focus on colors. And... a slightly heavy hand? Like confident... not always well-considered mark making HAH...

Also I think I have a pretty healthy mix of american comics/manga influences. I feel like people who are into american comics always think my art is too manga and people who are into anime/manga always think my art is too american. And I’m taking that as a good sign.

5. Do you practice other styles/have you tried other styles in the past?

I like to think I switch it up a bunch! I mean, these are pretty different, right?

I think I’ve mentioned this before but one thing I really took away from art school is that, for an illustrator at least, art style shouldn’t be consistent. Your greatest weapon is changing the aspects of your style based on the task, the emotions and message you want to illustrate etc. So depending on the project I’m working on, the fandom I’m drawing for, whether I want something to be funny or serious or dramatic, I’ll change things about my style all the time.

One thing I don’t rly post on here is really tight polished work and that’s because I do that for my day job haha. If you’re not paying me... I’m probably not gonna color in the lines.

6. What levels of artistic education have you had?

I have a whole ass diploma LOL. Bachelor of Fine Arts in Illustration. from the Rhode Island School of Design. And I had a great college experience tbh. Besides the student loans. If any of you guys are thinking about art school feel free to e-mail or message me questions or concerns, I’ll be happy to help. Be as honest as I can be.

7. Show us at least one picture you drew or sketched recently that you did not put on a public site.

heres the wandavision kids. Uhh what else do I have...I feel like I’m rummaging for loose change here...

assorted valentines prep doodles

8. What is your favourite piece that you have done?

Well, obviously this is gonna change all the time and generally it’s gonna be my most recent piece LOL. So yeah, why the hell not. I’ll say it’s this one. I have a pretty short memory which I count as a blessing for an artist. I don’t dwell that long on older work and it keeps me moving forward.

10. What do you like most about your art?

I like that it’s something that only I would make! I had this thought fairly recently and I wrote it down in my sketchbook, it’s pretty cheesy and rambling but it felt revolutionary at the time:

So yeah. I like my art best when it’s the most me and for me. And I like it least when it feels like I’m just making something for social media or for other people’s expectations or whatever.

14. What do you like drawing the most?

Kids in baggy clothing are like my go-to LOL idk if that’s obvious. but also I like being challenged so lately I’ve really loved drawing multi-character compositions, environments, weird angles, etc.

oh i LOVE drawing the underside of shoes lol. And bandages. People that are kinda beat up.. I think it comes from getting a bunch of cuts all the time. I’m always patching myself up and I want to patch characters up too.

15. What do you like drawing the least?

mmm I try to find something to like in every drawing but lets see... I don’t like doing commissions of people’s dogs. Just because it’s normally like... a family friend and my mom volunteered me without my consent and I don’t even really know what they’re expecting me to draw and I don’t even get to meet the dog. Also I’m not that great at dog anatomy. Trying to learn though.

18. What is your purpose for drawing?

This could have a million answers! Uhhh to GIT GOOD??? But also to express myself... and also to make money... I mean it depends on what the drawing IS. I draw fanart mostly to connect to people in the fandom so if you ever see me drawing fanart please take it as like an open invitation to talk to me about the character haha. 

20. How would you rank your art? (poor, mediocre, good, etc.)

Good!!! I have a lot of self-confidence primarily born out of ignorance and a short attention span. If I don’t think too hard about how many other artists are mindblowingly unfathombly good... its easy to think I’m good too! LOL

In all seriousness though, I think the opinion a person has of their art is like a crazy balancing act, right? Like you have to think you suck enough to want to get better but also you have to think you’re good enough to not want to give up. I think we’re all walking that line, I know I am! But also I’m a glass half-full type of person so. Most of the time I feel good about it.

22. List at least one of your “artspirations.”

This is a good question because I’ve been trying and failing to put together one of those “influence map” memes for like a full month now. What’s giving me a hard time is I feel like none of these are actually really obvious “““influences”““ in my art? Like it’s hard to see a lot of them in the work I make...? But idk maybe you guys’ll see what I can’t.

And these are just a couple! God there’s so many more. I could talk about other artists for ages, from all different genres of art. Daumier, Rockwell like every illustrator out there, Dana Gibson, Alex Toth, Hiroshi Yoshida, a lot of the Brandywine School. Lots of current working artists too, Karl Kerschl, frikkin Masashi Kishimoto lol, Jake Wyatt, Richie Pope, Edouard Caplain, Matt Cook, Sachin Teng, - lots of big internet artists, Sophie Li, Freddy Carrasco, Milliofish, Angela Sung... like all my friends from art school too. I could just keep going but I’ll stop for now lol.

24. Do you have a shameful art past? (recolour sprite comics, tracing art, etc.)

I mean if that’s how we’re defining shameful?? sure LOL. It’s not sprite comics but I used to do pokemon sprite recolors all the time. And I used to trace manga panels and color them... Granted this was all when I was like under 12 yrs old so it’s not even embarrassing. Can you really call it shameful when a 7 year old wets the bed or whatever? Not really. In fact some of these are cool as fuck. Look

25. Draw a picture!

Man I’m so tired now but here.

I used to get a lot of compliments for drawing people smiling lol but I don’t think I’ve drawn a lot of smiling lately.. here’s proof I’ve still got it.

OK MEME DONE. onto the rest.

I read this ask first thing when i opened my computer in the morning and it made me really emotional.. I’m so glad my sketches could help you!!

I think a lot of artists on social media talk about the struggle of making art but imo not enough people talk about the joy! Like I know it’s corny but. I really meant what I said at the beginning of that sketchbook about re-contextualizing art around process and progress > product and perfection. I think its super important..! The strength of messy, unfinished, and energetic art! For the feeling of it, for the love it!

That's crazy!!! I hope you like 'em. The whole line of x-books is really good rn imo.

Hi! I totally have the answer for digital stuff on my faq lol. But in terms of drawing on paper.. it varies! I tend to use sketchbooking and any on-paper doodling I do as a way to loosen up/warm-up or experiment. But right now my go-to aresenal is:

from top > bottom

- kuretake no.55 doublesided brush pen

- tombow fudenosuke

- muji 0.38 ballpoint

- medium size poscas

- grey tombow double brush pens

- good ol bic mechanical pencil

not EXACTly sure which inking you referring to from my sketchbook but if I had to take a guess it'd probably be the kuretake no55. That's been my main inker, lately. Great for sketching with the thin end too.

You can print out and eat my art if you like. Just please don't mass produce or re-sell. <3

Thanks! I've come to accept that my art is always gonna be sort of gestural and painty naturally. It's getting it to tighten up enough to be legible that's hard lol...

uh yeah lol I agree actually. I think yolei is great.

I assume these asks are related? LOL

1) Yeah totally true. I love David.

2) I don’t take requests, sorry! But if you want to commission me to draw Legion i would be MORE than happy to. Just e-mail me at isellhotdogs@gmail.com.

<33333333333333333333333333

[lord-explosion-baku]

Opia Night 2

Vampire!Shinsou x reader

Warnings: alcohol mentions, mentions of blood, dumb mc, campy vampire bullshit, swearing

A/N: ahhhhh. okay. so. this was a tough write. I think I got stuck because i started taking myself too seriously and then i just started throwing words out left and right. this is very back and forth, no-goal-reached, bullshit. I mean, getting from point A to point B is r o u g h, bro. Im SO SORRY. I was trying to make this natural and it just AINT. she’s messy today and it’s fine. Gotta just post what we can when we can lmfao. SOO! I’m aware that this chapter isn’t good, but I do hope that you find it entertaining regardless! I promise Night 3 will be better!

(PLEASE DO NOT REPOST MY WORK ANYWHERE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION)

Night One

Night Two

You woke up to your phone buzzing next to your head on your pillow. Once, twice, and the third double-vibration made you realize that you were not going to be going back to sleep any time soon. Blinking at your window, you groaned at the flecks of dust that were lit up by the golden remnants of twilight. You’d slept most of your Friday away after slaving away on your school work Monday through Thursday. You tried telling yourself that you deserved the rest, but sleeping through sunlight has become habitual to you when you had nothing else going on. When you woke up from your coma, you would usually sleep some more. Usually.

The phone on your bed was alight with three unread messages, all saying something different, but with the same invitation handed out:

Kirishima(7:02): hey :)

Sero(7:07): you busy?

Kaminari(7:15): babe! partaaay tonite!!!! come over!

Again, you groaned.

The last night you’d spent over at their house was a complete disaster. You totally embarrassed yourself by screaming out of nowhere. Or so it seemed to have come out of nowhere to everyone else who heard you; what you thought you had witnessed went completely unnoticed to everyone at the last party. But to you, it was so vivid.

Purple-haired-couch-kid. Fangs. Blood.

You completely freaked and locked yourself in the bathroom. It took both Kirishima and Sero to coax you out after you battled the idea of calling the cops to their house. When you came out, there was a swarm of kids eyeing you like you were crazy. You asked to see Kodai. She appeared. She was unharmed: no blood, no marks, no recollection of any handsome boy who took a bite out of her wrist. Kamianri’s garage-sale couch had been occupied by no extremely handsome man, and there were no purple-haired people to be seen at the party afterwards.

It wasn’t something you could have imagined unless your drink had been spiked, but you thought you were pretty careful when it came to open containers! And besides, who’d want to spike your drink with hallucinogens. Getting you high could have been a prank or someone thinking they were doing the rest of the party-goers a favor, but to what you could tell, nobody else was seeing shit. So maybe you were crazy. Maybe there was no alluring voice speaking to you in your head, and your psyche had suddenly broken out of the damn blue. In the psychology class you took freshman year, you learned a lot about different mental illnesses that cause hallucinations and paranoia. Maybe you had to get yourself checked out.

Your phone buzzed again.

Kaminari: Kiri is gonna be real bummed if you don’t come :”(

Well, that was on him. You couldn’t really imagine why you would receive such a welcome invitation to another one of their parties after the big fuss you made. After you realized Kodai wasn’t in trouble, you stormed home; you lived close enough, so it was fine to leave your car there. You didn’t speak to anyone about what happened afterwards, so you were sure you’d be snubbed by your friends for at least a little bit. You figured that… if they wanted something else from you, maybe the rule of party fouls would be ignored.

You sighed, knowing that even though Kirishima definitely had a crush on you, he was still your friend and a great guy. You couldn’t think bitterly of him just because he might’ve wanted to kiss you on several occasions when you were just hanging out. You did sleep with him once, back in the day, but you both agreed to just be friends afterward. You were… kinda wild back then and didn’t like the idea of having a boyfriend. Kirishima tried to be understanding, but every now and then, you’d see him look at you with those sad, puppy-dog eyes.

There was a bleep! and you saw that you got a Snapchat notification from Sero. You pursed your lips and opened it to see a video of Kaminari singing your name, pushing Kirishima’s shoulder, and a chorus of several people making gross kissing noises at the two of them. You rolled your eyes and were about to close the video, but something—no, someone—in the background caught your eye.

You replayed the snap. There was singing, gross kissing noises, and him—right at the end of the video. He was only there for the last two seconds of the video, but those mesmerizing indigo eyes leering at the phone camera seemed to grab you by the throat.

You didn’t fucking imagine him. You didn’t fucking imagine him.

Sliding the screen to show the front-facing camera, you grimaced at your face. You rubbed the sleep out of your eyes and snapped a quick photo with the tag, ‘who is all there rn?’

Kaminari’s reply came instantly. It was another video of people hooting in the kitchen taking shots. Sero was sniffing at a rough-looking pineapple and Kaminari was yelling.

“Who is all here right now?!” Kaminari called and cheers came as a response. Kaminari turned the camera to face his grinning self. Kirishima was in the background checking his hair in the mirror. When he saw that the camera was in him, he flexed his arm, the dork. Then, Kamimari threw his arm around somebody, and pulled him into frame. You actually gasped.

“Why, the whole word is here, babe! Come overrrr!” Kaminari sang at you, but you weren’t paying any attention to him. Purple-haired-couch-kid was side-eyeing your drunken friend, but when he looked into the camera, he appeared to be amused. He wasn’t as dressed up as he was two weeks ago; he just had on a plane black T-shirt with the same ropey necklaces. The camera didn’t do his likeness any justice. The shadows under his eyes seemed to be much darker, and his skin was straight-up pale. Still, his gorgeous lavender eyes had you captivated. He was all you could see.

Purple-haired-guy’s ivory arm wrapped around Kaminari’s shoulder. He grinned, the whites of his teeth gleaming dangerously at the camera, squeezed Kaminari against him, and the video ended. You were too enamored to even thinking of taking a screenshot and you couldn’t replay the snap.

You cursed and covered your eyes with your pillow. You really were planning on sleeping the rest of the night away—maybe put on some cheesy soaps you could snicker at before zonking out. But now, it seemed, you didn’t have any choice but to go to the party. You had to see him.

A shower and a quick trip to the liquor store later and you were showing up to your friends’ rented domain with a six pack in hand. You entered without knocking. They never had the door locked; it was a constant open-invitation to ‘Denki’s Dank Crib’ as Kaminari wished people would call it.

You were immediately slapped in the face with human musk and you were glad to be wearing something more light: a white, chiffon top over your sunflower skirt with yellow, scrappy heels. It wasn’t everyday that you wanted to dress nicely, but as ridiculous as the concept was, if you did see the purple-haired-couch-kid… you wanted to look nice.

“Hey, you! Glad you could make it!” Strong arms pulled you into Kirishima’s hard chest. He smelled like sweat and old spice. He held you for two seconds too long, going so far as to rest his nose on the top of your head, before you pulled away, offering him a friendly smile. “Your conditioner smells nice!”

“Hah… thanks.” You grimaced.

“Oh, I’m sorry! That was really creepy! I’m sorry!” A slow blush bloomed on Kirishima’s cheeks. “I wasn’t trying to be weird. I might’ve had a few drinks already and I just… uh…”

Lending him a saving grace, you lifted the six pack up. “Care for another?”

“D’aww, you didn’t have to grab beer!” Kirishima grabbed the six pack from you. “I do love this stuff though! Thank you!”

“I couldn’t come here empty handed. It’s the least that I can do after what happened last time.” You started walking towards the kitchen, keeping an eye out for the purple guy or Kaminari.

“What happened last time?”

“You know,” you said while Kirishima cracked open a bottle, “when I had a freak out?”

“Freak out?” He offered you the bottle, but you shook your head. “What do you mean?”

You scanned the kitchen and saw only a few kids you didn’t know and Sero messing around with some frothy, yellow liquid in a beat-up blender. Looking to your right, you saw that there was nobody occupying Kaminari’s old loveseat. It wasn’t like you were expecting to see him there with what—Kaminari on his lap?—but it didn’t hurt to check.

“Like when I screamed and locked myself in the bathroom,” you said. “Then I left without saying goodbye.”

Kirishima’s brows crinkled. “I don’t remember you screaming or anything like that. You did leave a little suddenly, and I was bummed for like a minute, but that’s yesterday’s news. You’re here tonight!”

“Kiri, I was standing right next to you when I threw a fit. You don’t remember? You got me out of the bathroom.”

Kirishima shook his head. “Are you sure that was me?”

You were positive. You were definitely leaning on him, talking about how you didn’t need any boys, and Kirishima was warm like he always was when you touched him. You turned to look back at the couch and then you saw that purple guy bite Yui Kodai! Everyone heard you!

“You’re here!”

Sero zoomed towards you with two large cups of something in-hand. He gave you a bright smile and offered you one of the cups. “As soon as I heard you were heading over, I started making these! Piña coladas!”

“Oh…” you took the drink and gazed into the glass. It was yellow and mushy. Thinking back on your original theory—being drugged—you gave him a tight, closed-mouth grin. “What’s in it?”

“Uhh… Pineapple, coconut rum, and ice?” Seeing the unsure look on your face, Sero hastily added, “the pineapple was close to expiring, but I tasted it, and it’s still fine! Promise.”

“Did you even blend it right?” Kirishima asked, peering into your cup. “It looks like it’s breathing.”

“It’s not my fault our blender is janky!” Sero shot back. “I’m not the one who’s always making weird, keto-friendly protein shakes with, like, kale and shit added in every morning like some sort of psychopath.”

“It’s not crazy to be looking after my body. In fact, you could learn something from me!” Kirishima poked Sero in the ribs. “Skinny.”

“I’m not skinny,” Sero argued, flinching away. He lifted up his shirt to reveal his tight, well-kept abdomen. “I’m lean.” Sero smirked when he caught you staring.

“Alright, well, our girl only deserves the best service, and this ain’t it, chief.” Kirishima reaches to take the atrocity out of your hand, but seeing Sero’s dejected face, you pulled away.

“This is fine,” you promised warily. Beside yourself, you took a sip of Sero’s sloshy creation. You got a big chunk of pineapple in your mouth and chewed the rum out. The parts that weren’t chunks were all watery, like you were drinking straight rum. You forced yourself to smile. “It… tastes good at least.”

Sero was ecstatic. “Lovin’ your look, by the way. Yellow heels look good on you.”

Kirishima rolled his eyes and placed a hand on your back. “C’mon, you don’t have to be nice to him. Lemme make you something good in the kitchen.”

“Oh, wait, Sero. I wanted to apologize to you too!”

Sero raised a brow. “Apologize?”

“Yeah...” You turned your head from Sero to Kirishima, hoping for any sign of recognition. “For freaking out. Screaming. Locking myself in the bathroom. All those good things.”

“Oh,” Sero said. “Yeah, well, you’re forgiven.”

“So you remember!” You beamed.

Sero’s hand went to the back of his neck. “To be honest, I don’t remember a lot about the last party. I think Denki broke a table—“

“You helped him break the table,” Kirishima interjected.

“—aaand someone stole my good bong? That’s it. I’m sorry you had a bad time, though. Hopefully you’ll have more fun tonight! Kaminari bought a karaoke set. It’s got all the shitty songs they’re playing on the radio right now.”

“Where is Denki,” you asked, looking around. Damn it, if nobody remembered you screaming, at least you could count on Kaminari possibly getting the name of the kid who he had his arms around in that video he sent you.

“Off somewhere being a dumbass.” Sero waved his hand absently at the crowd of kids in the living room. “You wanna smoke? I just got a new bong and it hits pretty smoothly. Or maybe you wanna try karaoke? Though you would probably wanna get a couple drinks in before that, huh?”

“Ah, maybe later. I just gotta find Denki.”

“Why?” Kirishima asked suspiciously.

“I just gotta ask him something…” you pulled out your phone and dialed his number. It rang three times before getting to his raunchy voicemail. You scoffed.

“He could be up in his room,” Kirishima suggested.

“With a chick?” Asked Sero, amused. You made a face and Sero quickly corrected himself, saying, “I mean… with a nice lady?”

“Who’s to say.” You took a sip of Sero’s special beverage. It was gross, but you were here, and probably getting a little annoyed. You came out, so you might as well try to enjoy yourself.

“I’m sure he’ll come down eventually. If he really is with a girl, he’ll be down soon, and he’ll be hungry,” said Kirishima. “Hey, I’m gonna be ordering a pizza. Any topping preference? I was gonna get a few and wanted to make sure—oh, hey!! Bakugou!”

Your eyes followed Kirishima’s to see some grouchy-looking blonde kid coming in from the front door. You took advantage of both Sero and Kirishima greeting the guy with high-fives and fist-bumps, and made your way into the dining room where kids were playing a drinking game on a broken table.

You chatted a bit with a few kids you hadn’t met before, a girl whose name you forgot from the biology class you took last semester, and some guy who was so drunk you couldn’t comprehend a single mumble that rolled off his tongue. Nobody seemed to know where Kaminari was. Nobody seemed to have seen any boy with purple hair and an angelic face...

You scooted past three boys who were playing some stupid slapping game and into the living room. You sat down on the couch and checked in on your phone messages. It’s been two hours since Kaminari last texted you to come over. You thought about shooting him a text now, but—

‘Do you realize that all of the air in the room goes out when you walk in?’

You choked on air, as embarrassing as that was, and looked up, expecting to see someone who spoke to you. Nobody was paying you any mind for Kaminari's shitty couch, but you knew you heard that titillating voice, and it wasn’t because you were crazy.

‘Such a pretty little thing to be left all alone at a party. Did you lose your fan club?’

“Actually, I chose to sit here by myself,” you said aloud, minding the few people who actually turned to see you talking to yourself. You shrunk back into the couch and pretended to be taking a video of yourself.

‘Well, I’m sure. It’s a comfortable couch, afterall—better when shared.’

Oh, so this voice was a dirty, little thot. You clicked your tongue and texted Kaminari. ‘Hey, I’m here. Where are you?’

Kaminari(11:02): side yard.

Hopping up, you headed for the sliding patio door.

‘Eager to see your babe, babe?’

“Oh, shut up!” You hissed while walking outside and a girl watching a beer pong game frowned at you. You weren’t sure, you thought that you could hear a chuckle in the very far back-end of your head.

Kaminari was in the side yard, thank god. He was leaning against the house, staring absently at the side gate. He was alone, not on his phone or anything to keep him busy. He was just standing there.

“Hey, Kami!”

Kaminari barely turned his head towards you when he said, “hey...”

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you! What are you doing hiding away in the side yard?”

“‘m just chillin’. Waitin’ for my friend…”

“A friend?” You asked. “Kaminari, are you okay?”

“Of course,” Kaminari said, still staring at the side gate. “I’ve never been better… it’s a nice night…”

You stepped out in front of him. Kaminari didn’t meet your gaze; his yellow eyes were hazy and blank. You waved your hand in front of his face and he didn’t even react.

“Kami…”

“It’s a real nice night,” he repeated dreamily. “I‘m waiting for a friend...”

“What friend, Kami? Who are you waiting for?”

“Uhh… Dunno. He just left…”

“What does he look like?” You asked, growing impatient. Kaminari wasn’t the brightest, but he was never really this slow. There was something wrong with him.

“Hmmm… like the moon…”

“Denki.”

“...”

“I saw you near a kid with purple hair and a lot of jewelry in some of the snaps you sent, Kaminari. Do you know where I might be able to find him? He was at the last party too.”

“Yeah... That’s my friend…”

Thank god, thank god someone else knew who the hell you were talking about. “Do you know where he went?”

“To get a snack…” At that, Kaminari cracked a grin.

Fangs and blood flashed in your mind. You clenched your teeth together. If you remembered correctly, perhaps purple-haired-couch-kid’s idea of a snack wasn’t suitable for this party. You grabbed his wrist. “C’mon, let's go back inside. You need some water.”

But when you turned back to your house, you bumped right into what felt like a brick wall. But it wasn’t a brick wall. This barrier was a person whose ivory skin practically glowed an eerie white under the moonlight. This barrier was a person whose indigo eyes scanned you like a marauder finding his treasure. This barrier was a person whose flushed lips tugged up into a smirk when you shrieked.

Your stomach sank when he laughed at you after you leapt back and against Kaminari’s chest. Kaminari placed a gentle hand on your shoulder, as if he was trying to be reassuring, but his touch was too light and vacant to do much to calm you.

Goosebumps crawled up your skin when you took in couch-kid’s sudden appearance. You were mad at yourself for thinking that even though he was frightening in the dark, his sharp jawline was practically begging to be nibbled on.

Jesus, what the fuck was wrong with you?! You couldn’t be thinking about hooking up with strangers that bite while Denki was high and everyone else was forgetting shit! You shook your head and scowled.

“Sorry about that… didn’t mean to scare you.” Your heart did a little jump at hearing his voice for the first time. At least, you were pretty sure this was the first time you’d heard it. It did sound oddly familiar, but you couldn’t quite place it.  

Couch-kid held out his hand. For a second, you thought he was going to shake your hand, but then you saw that he was holding a wrapped cereal bar. Froot Loops. “Here you go, Denki.”

Kaminari’s arm snaked through the opening between your arm and waist to grab the treat. Your body nearly vibrated from being only just a couple inches away from Couch-kid’s finger tips. His arms were nice—white and long, but strong, with a few prominent veins running up them. Did he drink weird, keto-friendly protein shakes with kale and shit added in them like Kirishima? Why did you care?

“Oh man, thanks Shinsou. I was starting to get dizzy,” Kaminari said, unwrapping the sweet treat. You heard him crunching from behind you, and you don’t know why, but you were suddenly very irritated with his presence. You shouldn’t have been. There was obviously something going on with him and you should’ve been wanting to help him out, but then, you really wanted to be alone with Couch-kid. The thought just made you more agitated.

“Not a problem,” Couch-kid—Shinsou—purred. He didn’t look at Kaminari when he spoke; he was eyeing you.

“Shinsou,” you said, pulling at the hem of your skirt. Did he remember you? Did he think you were dumb for staring at him without saying anything for so long back at the last party?

“That’s me.” Shinsou grinned. This time, he took your hand, rather than offering his, and kissed the back of your wrist. You honestly would have swooned if you didn’t see him do the exact same thing to Yui Kodai just a short while ago. Still, his cool lips making contact with your skin made tiny electric currents shoot up from your arm, to your neck. You shuddered. “I don’t think we’ve officially met. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

“The, uh… pleasure’s all mine?” That was what they said in the movies, right? Cheesy soaps, whomst? What a weird thing to say, anyways. Even still, as silly as that old-time greeting was, he could’ve easily said something as ridiculous as, ‘charmed, I’m sure,’ and you still wouldn’t have been able to muster out a bark of laughter like you would with literally anywhere else.

“Denki, didn’t you say you wanted to go sing some karaoke?” Shinsou asked, his eyes still on you.

“I did say that,” Kaminari said, taking another bite out of his cereal bar. “Karaoke sounds nice…” And without any ceremony, he started walking. Sliding past you, he made his way down the side of the house. Just like that?! He was going to leave you with a stranger?

You called, “wait! Kaminari... are you really okay? You were acting a little funky just a minute ago.”

“Mmm, yeah, I’m fine. I just really wanted cereal.” Kaminari wiggled the now empty bar wrapper in the air. “But Shinsou took very good care of me…” That faraway look returned to his eyes when he said, “I’ll catch you later, babe.” With that, he was gone, leaving you alone with a guy who simultaneously made the hair on the back of your neck stand up and your heart melt with a quirk of his brow.

Shinsou’s eyes scanned over you, up from where your hand was bunched up in your skirt, to your torso, your collar bones, your lips, then back down to your neck. Unease settled over you when his eyes finally met yours and you had to quickly look away. You wished that  you were anywhere else in the world. You also wished you could think of something, anything, to say to him, but asking about Kodai seemed to be so wrong to you, at the moment, and the last time either of you had interacted, you were about to hop into his lap!

Finally, you mustered, “do you know if he smoked anything? He really wasn’t acting like his usual self. I’m worried something might be wrong…”

“Not to my knowledge. He might’ve had a couple drinks though,” Shinsou said. There was another long pause, and you fought your brain to come up up a normal conversational topic, but Shinsou beat you to to the punch. “Is he your boyfriend?”  

“What? No!” You still couldn’t look him in the eye as you answered. You hoped that it was dark enough to be able to hide your flushing face. “He’s really just a friend.”

“He calls you ‘babe’, though.”

“Yeah, well, if you put a skirt on, I’m sure he’d call you babe too.” You shrugged. “He’s just a flirt.”

“You weren’t wearing a skirt at that last party,” Shinsou mused, which gave you a little rush. He remembered you. “And he still called you babe.”

You pressed your lips together to keep from smiling, but your humor rang out in your voice when you asked, “are you interested in him or something? Because I can go get him back for you, if you want. I’m pretty sure he dated a guy our sophomore year.”

Shinsou clicked his tongue, amused. “It’s not him I’m interested in. Not really my type.”

“Right, right,” you laughed, gaining more confidence. “Well, I haven’t seen Kodai here tonight, but I think I have her number saved. Would you like me to give her a ring? It’s the least I can do for you taking care of my poor, dumb not-boyfriend while I was away.”

You reached inside your purse to grab your phone. You really would have called her, but before you could even touch your phone, Shinsou’s fingers were wrapped around your wrist. You almost yelped. Shinsou’s fingers were much cooler than his lips were and it surprised you.

“I knew you were jealous,” he remarked darkly. Immediately, you yanked your arm free, but that only prompted him to grab your wrist from a newer angle. You narrowed in on him, ready to bite—he was someone you didn’t know grabbing you, so obviously you had every right to—but as soon as you gazed into his eyes, you were lost.

His pupils were abyssal; so dark that they appeared white. Looking at him, your body felt cool—numb almost. Beyond any control, your body relaxed which made you lose your tight grip of Sero’s shitty piña colada. You didn’t even care about the cold, sloshy mess splattering over your heels.

Shinsou backed you into the wall, his stare intense, his lips parted and amused. He planted his free hand on your arm and took his time running it up to your shoulder, your neck. The tips of his fingers lightly danced across your jugular, the pad of his thumb slowly running up and down the pulsing vein. He scrutinized you dangerously, daring you to move, to run, to scream for help. Not knowing whether you were scared or aroused, you let him touch you, though ‘let’ didn’t seem like the appropriate word. It was like you had no other choice. He wanted to study you, so he would, and you would not object. So naturally, when Shinsou slid his hand to the nape of your neck, you turned to grant him access to what you knew what he really wanted.

He first pressed his nose up against your skin and inhaled deeply. You shivered as he groaned, “I’ve been waiting for you for too damn long. My sanguine.”

When Shinsou’s lips pressed against your flesh, you melted. Every nerve-ending in your body set aflame; you were no closer to fleeing the scene than you were indulging in the sweet sensation that his kiss had to offer. His cool tongue traveled up your neck, sending waves of jubilant shivers down your spine. His fingers hooked around your shoulder as he deepened the kiss. You felt a tingling sensation warming up between your legs that was only a tiny bit eased when he lodged his knee between you. His hand slid down your back where he pulled you on to him more comfortably; held up by his thigh, his arm, and nothing more.

“Nhhh-“ you tried to object, like you should, like you knew you wanted to, but a carnal urge pulled at the strings of your willpower. Whether he kissed you, or killed you, you wouldn’t be able to deny him his satisfaction. You would give him, Shinsou, a stranger, anything he wanted at any given moment.

But when you heard your name called from inside, the spell was broken.  

You tensed. Shinsou’s lips froze against your skin. You felt his hands tighten around you protectively, possessively, and you knew you were in deep shit.

“Kiri,” you whispered despite wanting nothing more than to say another man’s name. Kirishima was looking for you and yet, here you were, in his side yard, with another boy. Perhaps you hadn’t changed as much as you originally thought you had.

“Don’t-!” Shinsou hissed when you tried to pull away. There was urgency in his voice, something unexpected from him. His eyes were desperate and hungry. Terrifying. It felt good knowing that he wanted to keep you, and that thought was more frightening than what you thought was his original intentions. Fingers slid their way to your waist, and Shinsou bowed his head, dipping in to kiss your lips, but before he could, your hand fell on his face.

It wasn’t a slap, no. You literally put your entire ass palm on his face to save yourself from a kiss you actually wanted.

“O-oh god!” You stuttered out. Beyond any responsible control, you shoved his head back. “I’m sorry!”

Finally freed, you bolted a good five feet away from him, back towards the house. Your assaulter gazed at you with surprise, sleepy eyes rounded in a sort of sincere, pitiful way, but you couldn’t let his dejection get to you. You swallowed harshly as you backed away from him and the wall, going against every fiber in your body telling you to stay put, to stay at his side, to let him satiate any and all needs that he had.

The thing is, you would have. Despite not being able to bark out the half-dozen questions you had for him (why do you bite people? Why can’t anybody remember you? Why do I think I can hear your voice in my head? Why the sudden smooches? What the fuck?) you would have stayed with him there, had you not heard your name called a second time.

“Leaving so soon?” Shinsou asked, gaining some composure, though as lax as he tried to make himself seem, there was an imperative note in his tone. “Don’t want to let your fan club down, I guess.” His voice was a shrug. “And here I thought you were going around asking about me.”

That was so excruciatingly embarrassing; being caught showing interest. Did he know how many people you spoke to? You wished you could wither up and blow away right then and there.

You glanced through the glass door to see Kirishima holding his phone up to your ear. A second later, your phone started buzzing. You ignored it.

“I guess I just wanted to know who you were, is all,” you said, a perfectly normal response. That was you: calm, cool, and collected—totally not willing to makeout with extremely hot strangers out of nowhere. “I haven’t seen you around before that last party…” which would be a perfectly fine segue into asking him why he bit Yui Kodai, if only you could will your body to ask!

“So you’re satisfied?”

“Uh-huh!” Not at all. Not at all. But that didn’t stop you from turning back towards the house.

‘Liar.’

Your body went cold. The voice rang too clearly to have been said aloud, but it was definitely his. In. Your. Head.

“What did you say?” You asked, turning back, trying to keep your tone steady. You didn’t know why, but you thought it would be bad if he heard your voice crack or squeak.

“I asked if you were satisfied. We barely got to converse and yet, you’re skittering away after making such a fuss about finding me. Why is that?”

“I’m not skittering away and—hey!” You put your hands on your hips. “You called me a liar just now, didn’t you?”

Shinsou placed his hands in his hips, mocking you. “I said no such thing!”

“Well, no, maybe you didn’t say it with your mouth…”

“What else would I have said it with? My hips?” He smirked. “Are you sure it wasn’t your own conscience calling you out?”

You scoffed. You couldn’t believe he was teasing you!” And what about your conscience?! Do you just go around attacking people’s necks out of nowhere like that as a hobby?!”

“Interesting choice of words,” he chuckled. “No, I wouldn’t say attacking people is a hobby, but more of a necessity. And I don’t usually go for the neck, either. I save that intimacy for victims who are a little more willing…”

‘Really, I wouldn’t want a single drop of you to run down your arms, anyways.’

“Willing?!” You started, incredulous. You pointed a shaking finger at him and continued with, “you really have a thing or two to learn about cons-!”

“Hey!” Kirishima was sliding the door to patio open. “I was looking for you! The pizza’s almost gone, but I saved you a couple slices.” He looked at you and registered the expression on your face. His eyes narrowed as he approached you. “Who are you talking to?”

But when Kirishima looked down the side yard, there was nobody there—just the slushy remains of your piña colada. He bent down to pick the cup up to see you shaken, wordless. “What happened?”

You could only shake your head. Because you didn’t know what happened—you didn’t know anything! Shinsou was there and now he wasn’t, and the more you tried to say anything on the matter, the more the words got stuck at the back of your throat.

“Hey,” Kirishima said, full of concern. He grabbed both of your trembling hands and wound his fingers through yours. That was intimate. Something sweet. Something that was supposed to be reassuring. What in the hell was supposed to be intimate about a guy you barely met narrowing in on your neck like that.

You sighed and allowed your head to fall against Kirishima’s chest. He wrapped his arms around you and held you close while that angry blonde kid, Bakugou, appeared at the doorway, munching on a slice of pizza (probably the last one.) He took one look at you, rolled his eyes, and walked away. Kirishima asked you what happened once more. You said, “I’d just really like to get home.”

“Let me walk with you,” Kirishima whispered. That would be pulling him away from his own party, but he didn’t seem to care about that. The world really needed more Kirishimas.

“Okay.”

Making your way through the house, you saw Kaminari in the living room slurring the lyrics to a lame song, Sero cheering him on while simultaneously recording every word, and Bakugou glaring out the front window. Kirishima quickly told Sero where the two of you were headed which made Sero form a tight line with his mouth. After seeing the stricken expression on your face, Sero seemed to ease up a bit.

Kirishima held your hand while he walked with you. He tried to make light conversation, attempting to get your mind off of whatever happened when you were alone in his side yard, but you couldn’t entertain him with idle chit chat. The entire walk home, you thought you felt somebody’s watchful gaze on you.

TAGS FOR EVERYTHING (CLOSED): @ayeputita @yandere-inamorata @dee-madwriter @unboundbnha @rizamendoza808, @lemonlordleah-shinzawa-kitten @rubycubix@smbody-stole-mycar-radio @zellllyyyy@sarcastictextstuck@kpanime @captain-sin-allmight-queen @psionicsnow@wickedlewicked @ghost-of-todoroki @kattariapenn@im-an-adult-sometimes @bnhya @local-senpai@eggpienutbuttercroissant@usernamekate94 @reyvenclaww @hi-ho-and-hello

[purplesurveys]

1161

 survey by pichu4850

What color do you think of when I say...

Anger? Red, or a really bright red-orange.

Confusion? Gray.

Inspiration? Sky blue. Both word and color give off calming vibes to me.

Shy? Something like an off-white shade, and maybe even pastel pink.

Agony? Olive green was the first color to come to mind, though I have no idea why.

Sleep? Dark blue, like the night sky.

Chipper? Yellow.

Beautiful? Red, the way roses are.

Morning? Light blue or yellow.

Would you rather be named...

Andrea or Aimee? Andrea.

Emily or Erica? Emily. I know an Erycka that I’m not too fond of, so this is an easy pass.

Kelsey or Casey? Casey, though I’d mix up my name a bit and have it be pronounced and spelled as Cassie.

Madeleine or Marina? Eh, not really a fan of either but I’d mos likely go for Madeleine.

Alec or Aaron? Alec.

Ryan or Ross? Not a fan of both names as well though I’d probably go with Ryan, but only as a feminine name.

Dylan or Daniel? Dylan.

Jack or Jordan? I guess Jack, if I have to pick.

Gabriel or Gavin? Gabriel.

How often do you...

Brush your teeth? Once or twice a day.

Eat breakfast? Twice a week, during weekends; though sometimes I’ll end up skipping it for an entire week altogether.

Check your email? I literally never check my personal email anymore after having gotten hired, but I know I should quit that habit and check it every once in a while just in case an intriguing opportunity might come my way. My work email is a different story; I have to use it everyday. I open my emails even during weekends so that when I report to my shift on Monday, my Gmail won’t look as clogged.

Go to the mall? When quarantine protocols loosened up a bit I used to go either on Saturdays or Sundays for some me time as well as some much-needed time away from the house, for the sake of my mental health and sanity. But now that we’re going through another surge in cases, no one’s allowed to go out again and malls are back to just keeping the essential stores open.

Go to the beach? A few times a year, at least before the pandemic. I haven’t been to the beach since 2019.

Play card games? Only happens once in a blue moon, when I get together with friends and someone happens to bring a deck of cards. This isn’t a usual occurrence with any of my friend groups, though.

Have at least 20 minute phone calls? Never. I have 20-minute Google Meet and Zoom calls instead.

Paint your nails? They are never painted.

Wish you were happier? Every now and then.

Did you ever want to be...

A veterinarian? Yes, when I was younger. I once stumbled upon an interview with a horse vet on one of my kid’s almanacs and thought what they did was so cool.

An astronaut? Yup, definitely became a big obsession of mine at one point in my childhood. I still think it would be cool to go to outer space and should the opportunity ever become accessible in my lifetime, I wouldn’t want to miss out on it.

An artist? Not really. I knew from the get go I wasn’t meant to be one.

A school teacher? I would guess yes, but I definitely wasn’t as interested in teaching compared to being an astronaut or like a firefighter.

A housewife? Lmfao yeah. This was the answer I would give when I was like 8 up until I was probably 10 and I knew it stressed out my Asian mother big time. My grandpa got a kick out of it, though.

A firefighter? Yes. This was up there with astronaut.

A princess? Not so much.

A lawyer? I definitely considered law for a brief period, but it was already during my latter college years. There wasn’t enough time to mull over it. But hearing all the law school horror stories from my friends kind of made me relieved I didn’t push through with it; I knew I wasn’t passionate enough about law to want to go through all the hardships that come with law school, so I was fine letting that dream go, and still am.

A doctor? This was never a dream of mine.

Would you consider yourself...

Materialistic? Yes.

Pessimistic? It comes out occasionally, but I don’t think it’s a main trait of mine that people would generally see me as.

Avoidant? Not so much. I can be shy and anxious sometimes but I get over it at some point.

Sarcastic? Only occasionally. I wouldn’t say I speak the language.

Talkative? Definitely not. I hate being in the spotlight, and whenever it’s my turn to share a story or talk in a group I usually have the tendency to rush through it or make it as short as possible so as to return the spotlight on someone else. I’ve always been more of a listener.

Strange? Maybe not strange but weird to an extent?

Intelligent? I guess in some ways.

Lucky? In some ways I am, but I also got handed the short end of the stick in other contexts.

In the next twenty-four hours, will you...

Talk to someone you care about? Probably. I talk to at least one friend a day.

Go to work? Yep, I’ll finally be going back to work since the Holy Week break is over. My workaholic self felt kinda unsettled with all the free time, so I’m actually kinda relieved.

Go to school? I’m not in school anymore.

Be in a different city? Nope, it’ll be working from home for me like usual. We were initially allowed to book visits to the office if we really needed to go there to pack some goodies and stuff, but because of re-heightened Covid protocols our admin has once again prohibited anyone to go there for the meantime.

Read a book? I highly doubt it. I haven’t read any in months.

Watch a movie? Nope. It’ll be a Monday coming from a 4-day break, so it will be incredibly busy tomorrow as there would be a lot to catch up on.

Go to a dentist/orthodontist appointment? No, I won’t.

Do your laundry? My parents probably will seeing as our hamper was nearly full the last time I checked.

True or False: Family...

I have two brothers or more. I only have one brother.

My mom lives with me. This is technically true but isn’t phrased right in my case. I’m currently living with my parents.

My grandparent(s) live with me. No, we moved out of our duplex (where I did use to live with my grandparents) well over a decade ago.

I have half-siblings. Don’t have any.

I am the oldest in my family. Eldest child, that is.

I am an only child. I have two other siblings.

I have 15 cousins I can name off the top of my head. Easily. My first cousins are less than 15 in total, but I know a good number of my second and third cousins as well so this is a cakewalk.

The nearest Aunt or Uncle lives less than an hour away from me. The aforementioned duplex we moved out of is just at the next village; we didn’t move too far so that we can continue visiting them.

True or False: Food...

I am allergic to chocolate. I’m not, fortunately. I’m not crazy about chocolate but I’d be pretty miserable if I could never have it either.

I like vegetables more than fruit. Infinitely more, hahaha. I hate fruits.

I have tried pizza dipped in ranch sauce. Ranch isn’t a very common dressing where I’m from, so it’s not usually offered in restaurants. Given the chance, though, I’d definitely try my pizza with ranch at least once.

I've never eaten kiwi fruit. True, but then again I’ve never eaten most fruits and don’t plan to.

I love junk food.

I love to try new food.

Ketchup goes best with fries (chips). I don’t like ketchup and barely put it on anything.

I like fried rice. I haven’t met an Asian who doesn’t like fried rice.

I can prepare dinner for myself (using a stove or oven).

I hate sushi.

How many...

Pairs of shoes do you have? A little over 10, maybe? I don’t feel like counting in my head rn.

Songs do you have on your music player? I don’t have a music player anymore.

Hours of sleep did you get last night? Around 4.

Times have you had alcohol? Like, ever since I started drinking when I was 18? I never kept track lmao but if I would guess, maybe around 50-60 times? I’m not a regular drinker; I drink probably once or twice a month at most.

Books have you read/started reading in the past month? None.

Windows in your house/apartment are open? I know my parents and sister have their windows open at the moment, so that’s 2. Mine are usually open as well, but I’ve turned on my aircon so I’ve closed them for the night.

Pets do you have? 2.

Kids do you have/want to have? I’d cut it off a a maximum of 3 kids, but having just 1 would already be so nice.

Minutes does it take to get from your home to school or work? I work from home, but in the two times I went to the actual office it took anywhere between 45 minutes to an hour.

Have you ever...

Spilled a cup of grape juice on the carpet? I don’t think I’ve ever even encountered grape juice in my entire life.

Played spin the bottle? I don’t think I’ve ever played this. My friends and I usually resort to truth or dare.

Played Twister? Yes, and there are many fond memories that come with it as well. So when I was 7 years old I befriended Katreen, and her mom and mine hit it off instantly so they started this arrangement where every Friday, her mom picked me and my sister up from school along with Katreen and her sisters, and we’d stay for several hours at their place until my mom would pick us up. Her mom was an amazing host and every week we’d play Twister, watch Pokemon, read books together, etc; anything to keep us comfortable and entertained.

Been caught doing something you weren't supposed to be doing? It’s bound to happen every now and then.

Walked out of a movie because it was horrible? I’ve gotten this feeling a few times but I always stayed in my seat because I paid for the damn ticket.

Given the finger to someone on the street? Oh most definitely, as well as drivers passing by. And it’s always been towards men that are being disgusting pigs.

Been so sad/angry that you started laughing? Sure.

Been in a wedding? Yes, but I only got invited as a kid since I was usually picked to be one of the flower girls. I haven’t been to a family wedding since 2007.

Been in a situation where you almost died? Probably not died but almost substantially injured, sure.

Misc...

Are you stressing out about anything right now? Just worried about the deluge of tasks that will inevitably come at me tomorrow but knowing how easygoing my bosses are, I know I’ll be able to ease up soon enough.

Do you think before acting or act before thinking? I used to be the latter but I now see the importance of first considering possible consequences of or how others would be affected by my actions.

Do you act upon your emotions and instinct, or logic and reasoning? Again, I used to be one of these, this time the former. Now that I’m at a much more stable and peaceful place in my life I try not to let my emotions get the best of me.

What are some personality traits you find appealing in a potential partner? I had a number of negative experiences in my last relationship so forgive me for scraping the bottom of the barrel when it comes to my expectations lmaaaao – I’d love for someone to be sensitive to my needs and feelings, and for them to be able to own up to their mistakes or hurtful habits and know how to apologize and be open to changing if it’s for their self-improvement.

How have you changed as a person in the last 5 years? I tolerate less bullshit now. I think I’ve also grown to be happier and a lot more stable, emotionally. I also have a better sense of what I want out of life and where I want to be, and I’ve also learned to be more sociable and open up to people.

If you could do anything you wanted right this moment, what would it be? Order sushi :(

Is there anyone you can totally relax and be yourself around? Yes, that’s what my friends are for. If I can’t feel comfortable around my friends, I’d view that as a problem.

Did you ever wanted to say something to someone, didn't, and regretted it? No.

Are you scared about the future? I’m scared of the idea of not meeting some of my goals, like having a family; but I’m also excited about what the future could bring me.

[broadwaycantdie]

Race’s Quarantine Journal

( Race’s POV ) + ( Diary ) + ( High School AU )

a/n: aka me projecting

sorry this is shitty, i’m just feeling a lot rn and i wanted to get it all out

warnings: mental health, mentions of self harm and death, language

March 10, 2020

Everything has been crazy. People keep talking about some virus going around. It’s probably not too bad, I’ve had the flu before.

March 13, 2020

My school just sent me an email saying we can’t go back until April? Huh? Well at least I can finally get a break. School has been kicking my ass. I need a nice little vacation. I’ll relax and hang out with my friends. A quick little month long break ain’t too bad my senior year.

March 18, 2020

You’re telling me that my teachers are still giving work on this break? And they want me to video chat with them? Hell no. This is my vacation. I’ll just catch up when we go back to school.

March 21, 2020

So my parents aren’t letting me leave the house? It can’t be that bad. Maybe I should do my own research cause there is no way that all these shops should be closing and that I can't leave. I don't know what I’ll do if I’m stuck in this house for a month. All my friends can't leave either. Maybe we can just video chat I guess. I’ll see them soon enough anyway.

March 31, 2020

I’ve done so much research. Everything is so bad. So many people are dying. No one is doing anything about it. Why the fuck isn't anyone doing anything about it? Why are people still going out? Nothing is open. Go home.

April 1, 2020

I woke up today hoping this all was a crazy April Fool’s prank.

I wish I was right.

April 6, 2020

I was supposed to go back to school today.

Instead I got another email saying the closure got extended.

I don’t know when we’ll be able to go back.

April 10, 2020

I’ve been picking up a lot of hobbies.

Mostly I’ve been dancing. It calms my nerves. I’m going crazy in this house.

I tried painting but that got messy. I tried reading some books but words have never been the easiest things for me. I tried playing guitar with an old one I found in the garage but it hurts my fingers too much.

I’ll stick with dancing.

April 15, 2020

I don’t know what else to do. I’ve redecorated my bedroom 3 times and my parents told me if they hear me moving furniture in the middle of the night one more time they’d make me take everything down.

I feel trapped.

April 16, 2020

Maybe I should try to write in here more. That’s the only thing I can think to do. I could do a “what I did today” or a mood tracker. I might actually do the mood tracker but I know all well I won’t do it everyday. Maybe weekly? Maybe every couple days? Maybe whenever I feel like it?

Okay....today I feel: Bored.

April 22, 2020

It's Earth Day. One of my favorite days.

I hope that with the world shut down the Earth can breathe a little easier today.

Today I feel: Hopeful.

April 25, 2020

Today would’ve been my senior prom.

I actually had a date and everything, for the first time. How great would that have been?

I’m not gonna write a lot today. Too sad.

May 1, 2020

I can’t do this much longer. Everything sucks and I feel so stuck. I haven't left my house, I haven't seen my friends, my family is driving me crazy, my sleep schedule is totally fucked, I haven’t been this depressed since middle school, and I can’t do anything about any of it. It fucking sucks.

May 3, 2020

Let’s play a fun game. Okay so I’ll start with 10 fingers up and if this thing has happened put a finger down.

Okay so put a finger down if you really liked someone and you had a good thing going with them but you let the worst person in your life convince you that you shouldn't be with them and that they were the problem so you had to hurt the person you really liked to make the worst person feel better cause they manipulated you and took control of your brain and then the person you liked ended up dating one of your friends and you couldn't even be mad at them cause they were so happy and cute and you were happy for them both but then they broke up and you don’t know if it’s cool to talk to the guy you liked cause your friend is the ex and you haven't talked to them in a long time and they probably hate you cause you hurt him and he wouldn't understand cause your excuse is so shitty and you guys are now so different and life is just really hard and you think about what y’all had and miss it so much cause it was so good and thats all you want, to be loved, and you know it’ll never be the same so you don't even bother.

I’m down to 9 fingers.

God I fucking miss him.

May 4, 2020

For a long time I’ve convinced myself I don’t deserve love and I really think it’s true. That’s all I’ve ever wanted but I’ve done so many bad things what if no one wants me?

Everyone hates me. My friends only pretend to like me. I don’t understand why someone would want to be friends with someone like me. I’m so difficult.

May 6, 2020

It feels like I dropped out.

I’m not doing any school work. I missed my prom. I probably won't have a graduation ceremony. Worst part is, I didn’t drop out. I can’t just move on. I have to just sit with this.

I guess it's not hitting me as hard as some other people because I didn’t even plan to be alive this long so I was already prepared to miss them. It’ll probably hit me soon tho. I just won't let myself breakdown. Not yet.

May 8, 2020

Can I just say something?

I’m so fucking tired of being alone.

Not just cause quarantine, like in general. I want to be loved but I have to fuck everything up all the time, God why am I so stupid all the time?

And I don’t mean my friends just saying “oh I love you!” like no, thats nice, but at the end of the day that’s not the kind of love thats going to marry me, or hold me when I can’t sleep at night, or cook dinner with me.

I’m so tired of being undeserving and undesirable. What is wrong with me? What does everyone hate so much?

If I’m being honest, I cry every night because of this loneliness I feel. I just want it to stop.

May 10, 2020

My panic attacks are getting worse. For no reason.

I panic over things that 3 months ago I would've just pushed away. But now this isolation and fear is making everything so bad.

I started seeing things again. I started picking and twitching and shaking again. I haven't been this bad in a long time. How long before the thoughts come back? The urges? Will I be able to stop them this time? I hope so. I really hope.

May 13, 2020

So I’ve officially reverted back into my childhood state of watching old cartoons all day for any sort of serotonin. It's working a little ngl.

May 15, 2020

I picked up my yearbook today. I drove to my school and they handed it to me through a window. Can’t get it signed, can’t see anyone, can’t do anything.

I don't know if I have the strength to look through it right now knowing I might never see these kids again.

May 17, 2020

I had one of the worst episodes in a while today.

I saw this video and I don’t wanna talk about it cause I don't want to think about it but it made me twitch and shake for so long.

I couldn’t stop. I was so scared. I picked at my skin for a long time. I couldn't open my eyes. My head hurts from shaking for so long.

I just want to go to sleep.

May 20, 2020

My parents are so clueless. Do they really not know? Do they choose to look past it? Do they know and not want to say anything?

Can they not see that I’m not fucking okay?

There is no way they don’t notice how I twitch and shake and pick at my skin. They can’t ignore my tear soaked face almost daily. They might not see when I wake up in the middle of the night from a nightmare and desperately try to calm myself. But they never ask me if I’m okay.

The answer is “no” if they ever decide to ask.

May 23, 2020

I’m official a high school graduate!

Though it doesn't really feel like it.

I drove to the school and picked up my diploma and that was it. A masked “congratulations” and a piece of paper and that was that.

Congrats to me though. I guess.

May 27, 2020

I feel so empty.

Actually, I don't feel anything.

I just sit here. I don't remember when I last ate. I haven’t gotten out of bed. Haven’t watched anything. Just thinking.

Today is not a good day.

I don't want to be alive today.

I just hope the urges stay at bay. I don't know if I can stop myself this time.

May 30, 2020

I wish I was dead.

Everything I love is being taken away from me.

I want to kill myself. I haven’t felt like this in years. Everything is only getting worse and I can't stop it.

I want to but I can’t. If I try and fail thats selfish cause I’d be taking up space in the hospital for people who actually need it.

I’m useless. I’m powerless. I want out.

May 31, 2020

I’m so sick. I’m so weak. My head is killing me.

I’m not sick, I just feel shitty. Not an uncommon feeling.

I don’t know how much longer I can fight off the urges.

I’m sorry.

I wish I was sick. It would make this whole thing easier. I feel like this will never end. I want out.

I’m sorry.

[juki227]

{||~1080p-HD~ ]] Regarder C'est la vie  film complet [[2020]] en Franacais

29 avril 2020  / 1h 43min / Comédie De Julien Rambaldi Avec Josiane Balasko, Léa Drucker, Alice Pol Nationalités Français, Belge 29 avril 2020  / 1h 43min / Comédie De Julien Rambaldi Avec Josiane Balasko, Léa Drucker, Alice Pol Nationalités Français, Belge

PLAY==> http://ver.yess-movie.com/movie/tt9162090/c-est-la-vie.html

Its somewhat ironic that a movie about time travel can’t be reviewed properly until your future self rewatches the movie. It’s bold of Nolan to make such a thoroughly dense blockbuster. He assumes people will actually want to see C’est la vie more than once so they can understand it properly, which some may not. This movie makes the chronology of Inception look as simplistic as tic-tac-toe. Ergo, it’s hard for me to give an accurate rating, without having seen it twice, as I’m still trying to figure out whether everything does indeed make sense. If it does, this movie is easily a 9 or 10. If it doesn’t, it’s a 6. It’s further not helped by the fact that the dialogue in the first 15 minutes of the movie is painfully hard to understand / hear. Either they were behind masks; they were practically mumbling; the sound effects were too loud; or all of the above. The exposition scenes are also waayyy too brief for something this complex — a problem also shared with Interstellar actually. (Interstellar had this minimalist exposition problem explaining Blight, where if you weren’t careful, you’d miss this one sentence / scene in the entire movie explaining that Blight was a viral bacteria: “Earth’s atmosphere is 80% nitrogen, we don’t even breathe nitrogen. Blight does, and as it thrives, our air gets less and less oxygen”). I guess it’s a Nolan quirk. Hopefully, a revision of the film audio sorts the sound mixing out. I do like the soundtrack, but it’s too loud initially. I liked all the actors. You think John Washington can’t act at first, but he can, and he grows on you as the film progresses. And Pattinson is his usual charming self. Elizabeth is a surprise treat. And so on. Its worth a watch either way. See it with subtitles if you can. And definitely don’t expect to fully understand whats going on the first time around. Its one hell of a complicated film. It will be very hard for an average viewer to gather all the information provided by this movie at the first watch. But the more you watch it, more hidden elements will come to light. And when you are able to put these hidden elements together. You will realize that this movie is just a “masterpiece” which takes the legacy of Christopher Nolan Forward If I talk about acting, Then I have to say that Robert Pattinson has really proved himself as a very good actor in these recent years. And I am sure his acting skills will increase with time. His performance is charming and very smooth. Whenever he is on the camera, he steals the focus John David Washington is also fantastic in this movie. His performance is electrifying, I hope to see more from him in the future. Other characters such as Kenneth Branagh, Elizabeth, Himesh Patel, Dimple Kapadia, Clémence Poésy have also done quite well. And I dont think there is a need to talk about Michael Caine Talking about Music, its awesome. I dont think you will miss Hans Zimmer’s score. Ludwig has done a sufficient job. There is no lack of good score in the movie Gotta love the editing and post production which has been put into this movie. I think its fair to say this Nolan film has focused more in its post production. The main problem in the movie is the sound mixing. Plot is already complex and some dialogues are very soft due to the high music score. It makes it harder to realize what is going on in the movie. Other Nolan movies had loud BGM too. But Audio and dialogues weren’t a problem My humble request to everyone is to please let the movie sink in your thoughts. Let your mind grasp all the elements of this movie. I am sure more people will find it better. Even those who think they got the plot. I can bet they are wrong. C’est la vie is the long awaited new movie from Christopher Nolan. The movie that’s set to reboot the multiplexes post-Covid. It’s a manic, extremely loud, extremely baffling sci-fi cum spy rollercoaster that will please a lot of Nolan fan-boys but which left me with very mixed views. John David Washington (Denzel’s lad) plays “The Protagonist” — a crack-CIA field operative who is an unstoppable one-man army in the style of Hobbs or Shaw. Recruited into an even more shadowy organisation, he’s on the trail of an international arms dealer, Andrei Sator (Kenneth Branagh in full villain mode). Sator is bullying his estranged wife Kat (Elizabeth Debicki) over custody of their son (and the film unusually has a BBFC warning about “Domestic Abuse”). Our hero jets the world to try to prevent a very particular kind of Armageddon while also keeping the vulnerable and attractive Kat alive. This is cinema at its biggest and boldest. Nolan has taken a cinema ‘splurge’ gun, filled it with money, set it on rapid fire, removed the safety and let rip at the screen. Given that Nolan is famous for doing all of his ‘effects’ for real and ‘in camera’, some of what you see performed is almost unbelievable. You thought crashing a train through rush-hour traffic in “Inception” was crazy? You ain’t seen nothing yet with the airport scene! And for lovers of Chinooks (I must admit I am one and rush out of the house to see one if I hear it coming!) there is positively Chinook-p*rn on offer in the film’s ridiculously huge finale. The ‘inversion’ aspects of the story also lends itself to some fight scenes — one in particular in an airport ‘freeport’ — which are both bizarre to watch and, I imagine, technically extremely challenging to pull off. In this regard John David Washington is an acrobatic and talented stunt performer in his own right, and must have trained for months for this role. Nolan’s crew also certainly racked up their air miles pre-lockdown, since the locations range far and wide across the world. The locations encompassed Denmark, Estonia, India, Italy, Norway, the United Kingdom, and United States. Hoyte Van Hoytema’s cinematography is lush in introducing these, especially the beautiful Italian coast scenes. Although I did miss the David Arnold strings that would typically introduce these in a Bond movie: it felt like that was missing. The ‘timey-wimey’ aspects of the plot are also intriguing and very cleverly done. There are numerous points at which you think “Oh, that’s a sloppy continuity error” or “Shame the production design team missed that cracked wing mirror”. Then later in the movie, you get at least a dozen “Aha!” moments. Some of them (no spoilers) are jaw-droppingly spectacular. Perhaps the best twist is hidden in the final line of the movie. I only processed it on the way home. And so to the first of my significant gripes with C’est la vie. The sound mix in the movie is all over the place. I’d go stronger than that… it’s truly awful (expletive deleted)! Nolan often implements Shakespeare’s trick of having characters in the play provide exposition of the plot to aid comprehension. But unfortunately, all of this exposition dialogue was largely incomprehensible. This was due to: the ear-splitting volume of the sound: 2020 movie audiences are going to be suffering from ‘C’est la vieis’! (LOL); the dialogue is poorly mixed with the thumping music by Ludwig Göransson (Wot? No Hans Zimmer?); a large proportion of the dialogue was through masks of varying description (#covid-appropriate). Aaron Taylor-Johnson was particularly unintelligible to my ears. Overall, watching this with subtitles at a special showing might be advisable! OK, so I only have a PhD in Physics… but at times I was completely lost as to the intricacies of the plot. It made “Inception” look like “The Tiger Who Came to Tea”. There was an obvious ‘McGuffin’ in “Inception” — — (“These ‘dream levels’… how exactly are they architected??”…. “Don’t worry… they’ll never notice”. And we didn’t!) In “C’est la vie” there are McGuffins nested in McGuffins. So much of this is casually waved C’est la vie as “future stuff… you’re not qualified” that it feels vaguely condescending to the audience. At one point Sator says to Kat “You don’t know what’s going on, do you?” and she shakes her head blankly. We’re right with you there luv! There are also gaps in the storyline that jar. The word “C’est la vie”? What does it mean. Is it just a password? I’m none the wiser. The manic pace of C’est la vie and the constant din means that the movie gallops along like a series of disconnected (albeit brilliant) action set pieces. For me, it has none of the emotional heart of the Cobb’s marriage problems from “Inception” or the father/daughter separation of “Interstellar”. In fact, you barely care for anyone in the movie, perhaps with the exception of Kat. It’s a talented cast. As mentioned above, John David Washington is muscular and athletic in the role. It’s a big load for the actor to carry in such a tent-pole movie, given his only significant starring role before was in the excellent BlacKkKlansman. But he carries it off well. A worthy successor to Gerard Butler and Jason Statham for action roles in the next 10 years. This is also a great performance by Robert Pattinson, in his most high-profile film in a long time, playing the vaguely alcoholic and Carré-esque support guy. Pattinson’s Potter co-star Clemence Poésy also pops up — rather more un-glam that usual — as the scientist plot-expositor early in the movie. Nolan’s regular Michael Caine also pops up. although the 87-year old legend is starting to show his age: His speech was obviously affected at the time of filming (though nice try Mr Nolan in trying to disguise that with a mouth full of food!). But in my book, any amount of Caine in a movie is a plus. He also gets to deliver the best killer line in the film about snobbery! However, it’s Kenneth Branagh and Elizabeth Debicki that really stand out. They were both fabulous, especially when they were bouncing off each other in their marital battle royale. So, given this was my most anticipated movie of the year, it’s a bit of a curate’s egg for me. A mixture of being awe-struck at times and slightly disappointed at others. It’s a movie which needs a second watch, so I’m heading back today to give my ear drums another bashing! And this is one where I reserve the right to revisit my rating after that second watch… it’s not likely to go down… but it might go up. (For the full graphical review, check out One Mann’s Movies on t’interweb and Facebook. Thanks.) As this will be non-spoiler, I can’t say too much about the story. However, what I can is this: C’est la vie’s story is quite dynamic in the sense that you won’t understand it till it wants you to. So, for the first half, your brain is fighting for hints and pieces to puzzle together the story. It isn’t until halfway through the movie that C’est la vie invites you to the fantastic storytelling by Christopher Nolan. Acting is beyond phenomenal, and I’d be genuinely surprised if neither Robert Pattinson nor John David Washington doesn’t receive an Oscar nomination for best actor. It’s also hard not to mention how good Elizabeth Debicki and Aaron Johnson both are. All around, great acting, and the dialogue amps up the quality of the movie. The idea of this movie is damn fascinating, and while there are films that explore time-travelling, there’s never been anything quite like this. It has such a beautiful charm and for the most part, explains everything thoroughly. It feels so much more complex than any form of time-travelling we’ve seen, and no less could’ve been expected from Nolan. Oh my lord, the score for this film fits so perfectly. Every scene that’s meant to feel intense was amped by a hundred because of how good the score was. Let me just say though, none of them will be found iconic, but they fit the story and scenes so well. In the end, I walked out, feeling very satisfied. Nevertheless, I do have issues with the film that I cannot really express without spoiling bits of the story. There are definitely little inconsistencies that I found myself uncovering as the story progressed. However, I only had one issue that I found impacted my enjoyment. That issue was understanding some of the dialogue. No, not in the sense that the movie is too complicated, but more that it was hard to make out was being said at times. It felt like the movie required subtitles, but that probably was because, at a time in the film, there was far too much exposition. Nevertheless, I loved this film, I’ll be watching it at least two more times, and I think most of you in this group will enjoy it. I definitely suggest watching it in theatres if possible, just so you can get that excitement. (4/5) & (8.5/10) for those that care about number scores. At first, I want to ask Christopher Nolan one question, HOW THE HELL YOU DID THIS? Seriously I want to have an answer, How did he write such as this masterpiece! How did he get this complicated, fabulous and creative idea? What is going on in his mind? The story is written and directed perfectly, the narration style was absolutely unique. I have no idea how can anyone direct such as this story, that was a huge challenge, and as usual Nolan gave us a masterpiece that we’ll put beside (Memento), (Inception) and (Interstellar) The movie is so fast-paced in a good way, there was no boring moment. The chemistry between John David Washington and Robert Pattinson was great and funny and both of their performance was really good. Elizabeth Debicki performance was the best in the movie because she had the chance to show her acting abilities and she cached up that chance and showed us an A level acting. The music wasn’t unique and distinct as the music of Interstellar for example and I think this movie needed the touch of Hans Zimmer, I’m not saying that Ludwig Göransson failed but Hans Zimmer in another level. If there was something I’d say that I didn’t like it in the movie would it be that Nolan discarded any set up or characters backgrounds except Elizabeth Debicki dramatic story but it wasn’t that bad for me, I didn’t care about that, the exciting story didn’t give me the chance to focus on it. But the actual problem was the third act, it was really complicated and I got lost and I convinced myself to discard the questions that were in my head and enjoy the well-made action sequences and Elizabeth Debicki performance. I think this kind of movie that gets better with a second and third watch. I honestly don’t quite know where to begin with C’est la vie. I love Christopher Nolan’s work but I have never seen a more complicated film (and I understood Memento). After nearly three hours, I came C’est la vie from C’est la vie not knowing myself, my mind reduced to nothing more than piles of ash. Was there time travel involved? Hmm, there was definitely something about time inversion. I mean, does Nolan even understand what he wrote? Look, I give credit to the director because he’s one of the few directors left who knows how to create a compelling and intelligent blockbuster. C’est la vie is full of Nolan trademarks — the gratuitous Michael Caine cameo, a loud, really loud score, complete with stunning cinematography and slickly inventive action set-pieces. This time around however, Nolan has finally managed to ‘out-Nolan’ himself: the palindromic plot, whilst creatively ambitious, is simply far too complicated for its own good. C’est la vie is overlong, overstuffed, pretentious and too exhausting to comprehend in its entirety — it makes Inception and Interstellar look like Peppa Pig by comparison. I’m aware of the technical wizardry and creative mastery in this film and lord knows I’ll have to watch this again. For those who want a puzzle, C’est la vie at least provides a unique cinematic experience. But to actually enjoy solving it Nolan wants you to work

[shamemp3]

POSITIVE 20 QUESTIONS TAG GAME

@demondeals thank you for tagging me this was SO MUCH FUN!! ily!!

1. Name 4 fictional characters who showcase your personality the best, with explanations if you want.

aah this is hard okay so first and foremost peter parker. he’s one of those characters that have always been relatable in almost every aspect of life since i was a kid, especially when it comes to how he deals with his feelings and like his emotions and humor and his problems in general?? and then also jake peralta also because of feelings and how he tries to avoid them and be all!! fun fck yea!! and humor and idk?? also i love amy santiago so... third i think is percy jackson bc no thoughts head empty and he is impulsive and also brave and i would like to think that i am brave?? and yeh im trying to make this as short as possible and only vaguely explain but. it’s not working ksdfjbv okay fourth character is stiles stilinski ig?? like sarcasm and humor again, and idk this is all repeating but it all comes back to how he deals w his feelings and guilt and problems and idk the reasons are mostly the same with all these characters and yea there’s more but i feel like i am talking too much so i will stop skjdbvjk

2. Aesthetic

milkshakes and fries, neon lights, blasting the car radio, doing literally anything as long as it’s with friends, city lights, train rides at night, playing video games till sunrise, campfire smell, denim and flannels, drive-in movies

3. Favorite musical/play? (If you’ve never seen a musical or play, one you’d be interested in seeing?)

uhh i’ve only listened to hamilton which had some really cool beats! ive also listened to a few songs from dear evan hansen, wicked, mean girls, and oh now that i think about it i’ve seen the shrek musical on netflix and 10/10 phenomenal in every way that’s my favorite one

4. What is the best compliment you’ve ever received?

i know i’ve gotten compliments but for some reason i cant remember any?? like the second i read this question my brain went whoosh. idk probably whenever people tell me im funny or notice that im keeping my cool in a situation that is very NOT cool?? idk i really cant think of any rn jdfsbksdjb but there have definitely been compliments that i have thought about for weeks bc i was like....omg? me? kinda sad that i dont remember them i really hope i do soon bc i wouldnt wanna forget smth like that sjkdbdvhsb

5. How many times have you been in love?

i don’t think i’ve ever been in love (at least romantically)? im not certain but im 90% sure i haven’t. but when it comes to friends and family, sososos many times i lvoe them all

6. Embarrassing story or fact about yourself that makes you laugh now?

uhhh i got pantsed in like grade 7 bc i was being dragged across the floor and then this 9th grader came up to me in the middle of the hallway and yelled “HEY I SAW YOUR ASS” i wanted to perish

7. Favorite Disney/Pixar movie?

ooh probably zootopia or wall-e!!

8. Favorite flower or plant?

this is hard! i love ferns and sunflowers and hydrangeas and ooh also vines 

9. What’s your favorite holiday?

i love new year’s eve! it’s just fun because we all just stay up and celebrate and there’s always this feeling of “oh i got through another year!” also 4th of july but not bc of the actual holiday just bc my old town used to have these 4th of july carnivals that were crazy fun and i used to go like almost every day when the carnival was in town

10. Name three things that made you laugh or smile this past week.

first one is my school posted a picture of me graduating on their facebook and my mom sent them the link to look at it and when they pressed on it they started replying to my mom thinking it was on whatsapp but they left like 7 comments on the school’s post in arabic so that was funny as fukckjdbf, second is atla bc i love that show and everyone is so precious, and number 3 is literally any conversation with any of my friends

11. What song would you play to introduce yourself to someone?

axel f by crazy frog. next question

12. Name something that truly makes you feel peaceful even at your most stressed moments.

probably watching one of my favorite movies (mr. popper’s penguins or itsv tbh) or like just going on any of my friend’s gcs and sending memes and stuff

13. What do you, did you, or would you study at college?

i plan on going into chemistry!! i might also minor in computer or environmental science, but i’m still undecided! crazy because up till a few months ago i had zero idea what i wanted to do and my plans kept changing like every week

14. This is kind of a weird one, but which outfit of yours makes you feel most like yourself?

probably my denim jacket or my really big red sweatshirt? idk tbh i really only buy clothes that i know i would feel myself in and that i would be comfortable, but i think those two are probably my favorites?

15. What is a quote you live by?

power of people is stronger than the people in power because i want to take down the evil government. this is the first one i thought of so it’s staying skjvbjksdb

16. Name the funniest playlist name you have.

i have ‘AAAAHHHHHHH’ and i have ‘mitten ski’ which is a playlist composed entirely of mitski songs

17. Make a reference to an inside joke you have with someone you love with zero context.

wanna touch knees?

18. What is a message you would give your younger self if given the chance?

please stand up for urself and talk ab ur feelings for the love of god it’s ok to admit to being not ok ?? also everything in the world is not ur fault, chill btich

19. Who is your favorite family member? (If you have no good blood family members, feel free to mention someone in your found family)

i can’t really do this bc i really do love all of them in a different way. i’m definitely closest to my mom because i’ve lived with her all my life, but i still can’t pick favorites

20. What’s a secret dream of yours?

to be an astronaut pls this isn’t a secret i just really want to be an astronaut or a superhero pls someone give me a radioactive eel bite or send me to space or something. also to be able to be more open w people and to visit aleppo again 

i’m tagging: @natasharxmanov @anthonydarling @parkersedith @jessjones @anxieteandbiscuits if you guys want to!!! ily all very much

[siennaswritings]

Novel Prep Tag Game

Thanks so much @keen2meecha​ for tagging me!!!! It’s always fun to do these and get my gears grinding for a project! I’ll be doing this for The Irregulars (I would do one for E & I but I already have akjdvbafjv so here we go)!

First Look

1. Describe your novel in 1-2 sentences

Arya thinks her life is going pretty well, between her college applications, her friends, and her insanely good ability at avoiding her ex. Although, when a family heirloom starts giving her some creepy dreams she doesn’t think are “just dreams,” she has a feeling she’s about to discover a lot more than she bargained for... 

2. How long do you plan for your novel to be?

Mmmmm, between 40-60k? Tbh since this is only my second draft, I’m not really focusing on word count rn. 

3. What’s your novel’s aesthetic?

Hmmmmm, think Buffy the Vampire Slayer season... 7? Arya’s one of those who’s pretty sure she’s finally gotten this whole life thing down, and now she’s being thrown for the ultimate loop. Very dark and edgy, and kinda chaotic cause the mc is very “what the hell is going on what is this I don’t understa-” 90% of the time.

4. What other stories have inspired your novel?

Tbh FMAB really inspired me as far as the villians go? Which then sort of drove just what the hell the heroes actually stand for.

5. Three images that get the feel of your novel

Main Characters

6. Who is your protagonist?

Arya Etheridge. She’s seventeen, pan-hellenic wiccan (though her patron god is Apollo), and her use of magic will be in no way sensationalized (sorry Hollywood). She’s a writer, and she’s very unlucky in love. She’s only had one attempt at a real relationship, but the guy kept lying to her and all he wanted was sex. So, she’s a bit scathed by that. She deals with a lot of self-esteem issues, and she’s very withdrawn (even though she doesn’t want to be). She changes her hair color a few times throughout the year, and whenever she gets stressed she does a tarot reading!

7. Who is their closest ally?

Hmmm, well at the beginning of the story it’s her bestie Margeux. They’ve been through a lot together, and though Margeux pisses Arya off on the daily, she honestly wouldn’t trade anyone else for her. Margeux’s very much the prep girl who gets stuck in all the school drama, and Arya’s very much the edgy girl in the back of the room too busy scribbling in a notebook to notice anyone. Opposites attract, for sure, with these two.

8. Who is their enemy?

In the real world? Herself. Definitely. But, once she gets swept up in all the madness of the novel, having to battle this ancient race of demons back to whence they came, she realizes she really doesn’t have to hate herself as much as she thinks.

9. What do they want more than anything? 

To get published, to have a stable home foundation. One of these is much more likely than the other, can you guess which one?

10. Why can’t they have it?

Her birth parents are very... tumultuous with each other, at best, hence their divorce when she was four. Her dad got with her stepdad around that same time, and ever since her mother has been very... terse with her, to say the least. 

11. What do they wrongly believe about themselves?

That she isn’t worth the love that surrounds her.

12. Draw your character.

Oh dear, can I just promise to commission someone later to do this??? Lol. I very much am Not an artist. 

13. What is the worst thing that could happen to your protagonist?

She has major abandonment issues, so tbh if she loses one of her close friends *cough*Margeux*cough*, she may honestly just go off the deep end.

Plot Points

14. What secret will be revealed that changes the course of the story?

Sooo, turns out Arya’s part of this ancient bloodline to fight back and defeat the forces of darkness. Crazy, right? Well, she stumbles across this old ring while moving some stuff from her mom’s place, and she’s like “bruv, this is pretty and the perfect color I need to represent Apollo on the daily” so she keeps it. However, when she starts wearing it, she starts having these dream visions of epic battles. She prays about it, but the answer she gets isn’t exactly what she expects. She’s swept up in the madness when these visions reawaken the ancient foes, and she has to learn to fight them back, and fast.

15. Do you know how it ends?

Yes!

16. What is the theme?

Learning you are Worth It, and just how much you can handle. Like, learning your own inner-strength and how to utilize it.

17. What is a recurring symbol?

Dream symbolism, 100%.

18. Where is the story set?

Our world!

19. Do you have images and scenes in mind already?

Most definitely! I have the majority of the first novel plotted, and I have the opening scene already written.

20. What excited you about this story?

So, straight-up, this novel started out as a way for me to write about myself and my friends. My friends are some crazy characters, and I’ve always wanted to live one of my novels, so... this is as close as I can get. It’s really fun to navigate the creative nonfiction elements of this mixed with the urban fantasy of it all. It’s a very thin line that I’m excited to balance.

21. What is your usual writing method? 

Usually I just sit down and go at it, but I’ve gotten more and more into making note docs and outlining the entire novel before I start. I remain very flexible as I write, but the outlines help me hit all the beats I want in a timely manner.

I’ll tag: @dowings​, @celestialbunnistories​, @songsofaleria​, @milkyway-writes​, and @cookiecutterwrites​!

[fineosaur]

thank you for the tag @northernfieldsforever 💗💞

do you make your bed? yea every morning. i sleep all over the place so my bed gets pretty messy.

what’s your favourite number? i have a few, 4 just randomly picked when i was four years old and decided yes, im worthy. but 8 was there for a while because im born in the eighth month and i thought it was significant that it was steven gerrard’s back when he was still on the team, same goes for 15, born on the fifteenth and was obsessed with daniel sturridge, would even do his little arm thing. the numbers have stayed, the reasons not so much anymore, now its just cause im self obsessed so my birthday is reason enough. 

what’s your job? a bitch is unemployed. had a job interview the day the virus broke out and wasnt allowed (by the govt cause mandatory lockdown) to go to it and have not had any luck with any others since then.

can you parallel park? bitch can i drive?? nope.. i was meant to set a date for my learner’s test last month but the fkn world went on hold. so hopefully we’ll get there when this is all over.

a job you’ve had which would surprise people? oh, i’ve had a lot of jobs hostessing for events, mostly night clubs but also other sponsored events. and on just one occasion handed out fliers for huaweii’s new phone release. 

do you think aliens are real? ofc, i know i radiate a level of arrogance but i hardly think we’re the only ones out here. theres gotta be some life somewhere else. 

can you drive a manual? a bitch still cannot drive. but im learning stick shift rather than automatic because ive had a hard life so im not suddenly gonna give it to myself easy. jk. it’s cause my mother’s car is a manual so i’d have to learn on there itself. 

what’s your guilty pleasure? nothing that brings me pleasure is guilty. i will ride that train till i die. i’ve shunned myself too much in my life for doing things i love, it think ive reached a point where i do not give a fuck. 

tattoos? i dont have any! but i want to get one this year, then hopefully a bunch of others after it. 

favourite colour? blue, black, green. aka the only colours found in my wardrobe. 

things people do that drive you crazy? um,, exist? jk. i hate people who assume shit, thinking they know even a fraction of anything and pass judgement based on said things. truly. stay in your lanes, it’ll piss us all off a lot less. 

any phobias? cockroaches knkmhlmlg i hate eemmmmm. but also the usuals, abandonment, rejection, bugs? 

favourite childhood sport? omg i have so many i loved. mostly football. but i also loved swimming, tennis, netball, badminton. ugh i miss the outside. 

do you talk to yourself? yea, sometimes you just gotta be comfortable in your own company

what movies do you adore? horror, thrillers, psychological thrillers or dramas. 

do you like puzzles? yea all kinds. i love challenging myself.

favourite kind of music? hahahahaha a LOT of kinds. mostly alternative, rock, indie, folk. 

tea or coffee? tea slut, all kinds of tea. my usual is a local vanilla brand but i love a good english breakfast or green tea. infusions are great as well. rn ive been loving some peppermint tea. 

what’s the first thing you remember you wanted to be when you grew up? i’ve had a few. archaeologist, surgeon, forensic scientist, writer. all of which are still really fascinating to me though i would not pursue surgeon or forensic scientist in this lifetime. 

im tagging @thelandofnothing, @yanak324, @ollie-19, @livhatesolives 

[dinosaurs-last-day]

I was thinking 1 through 70, but I realize it's a lot. How about just 1 and 70 to let you off easy 😊❤️.

Nah, you asked for 1 through 70 and I am always up for a challenge. I’m going to do that now! CHALLENGE ACCEPTED YAY!

Plus, I love how you saw the list and though “ALL OF THEM!” I really made me laugh. Thank you for that.

here we go!

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

Not really. I mean, we get along and we try not to fight. But we have very different beliefs on very big topics, so I have to keep that to myself. They definatly have their faults and it definately affected my childhood and our relationship. In the future, after I move out, I will distance myself from the a lot, but I hope that I won’t have to cut them out. 

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 

My little brother. He’s adorable.

03: Do you regret anything? 

So many things, I could write a book about my regrets. 

04: Are you insecure? 

Very, I’m insecure about almost everything. Ask literally anyone close to me and they will tell you. 

05: What is your relationship status? 

Single, single, single. And at this point in life, with all of my past relationships, I doubt I will even consider a relationship for a long while. Too much pain and fear for rejection and that type of stuff.

06: How do you want to die?

Honestly, I think it would be cool to die from alcohol poisoning or something like that. But if we are being realistic, any way that isn’t painful, like in my sleep.

 07: What did you last eat? 

a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. 

08: Played any sports?

In the past, I have played both baseball and softball on teams. I haven’t played any sports in the past 8-9 years and I doubt I will any time soon.

 09: Do you bite your nails?

nope, never did. 

 10: When was your last physical fight? 

My dad and I will roughhouse a lot. I tend to stay away from real physical fights. 

11: Do you like someone? 

I do like someone. Sadly, that didn’t work out and I am currently trying to figure out how to get over her.

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

Yes. I have gone to multiple youth group all nighters where they lock you in a building and give you a bunch of stuff to do so that you don’t sleep. I’ve done it three times and have never lost it. 

 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 

I mean, I always hate myself, does that count? Honestly, a little. For almost a year now, I’ve hated this girl who was talking shit about me because she heard a rumor and decided to hate me. I’ve mostly gotten over it, but I still really don’t like this girl.

14: Do you miss someone?

@trixxyneko. I miss her a lot. 

 15: Have any pets?

Does a little brother count? No, I do not. My family rents a house and our landlord says no pets. We almost adopted a dog that broke into our house, but we couldn’t because of the landlord.

 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

Tired, sore.

 17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

Made out, yes. In a bathroom, nope. 

 18: Are you scared of spiders? 

Not really. I don’t like them and think they are creepy, but I wouldn’t say that I am scared of them. 

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 

Depends on where I was allowed to go back in time. Plus, do I have to sit back and watch for fear of ruining the timeline, or can I participate? These are all questions I would want answers to before making that decision. 

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

At a party, a year and a half ago.

 21: What are your plans for this weekend?

watch anime. Quarantined rn, so not much to do.

 22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

I want to adopt one kid. Maybe two depending on where I am and life and who I marry. 

 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 

Only regular earring piercings, but I want more.

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 

Best subject is probably math. Even though I hate math...

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

not really. I can’t think of anyone. I’ve had to say goodbye to a lot of people because I move a lot. But if I’m super close to someone, I will stay in touch one way or another. 

 26: What are you craving right now?

chocolate

 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 

I wouldn’t say BROKEN, but I have broken up with a dude who followed me around like a puppy dog. He fine tho, at least, that’s what I’ve been told. 

28: Have you ever been cheated on? 

no.

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

I don’t think so, I hope not.

 30: What’s irritating you right now?

This virus and the quarantine. Usually, I stay inside on my own accord, but I hate the fact that my choice has been taken away. I understand why, and I agree, but it does cramp my style. 

 31: Does somebody love you?

I doubt it. I’m a potato and if someone loved me, I’d call them crazy and insane.

 32: What is your favorite color?

I love blues, specifically aquamarine, gray, and purple. 

 33: Do you have trust issues?

Yes. I have had a good number of bad friendships that have given me trust issues. 

 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 

I don’t really dream, and if I do, I forget it immediately, so idk...

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 

My mirror. Honestly, I cried watching RWBY a few weeks ago, so my siblings.

36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 

Yeah, I trust people even when they don’t really earn that trust. And for me, that means believing that people will change even if they don’t. 

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

Forgive. I very much live by the forgive but don’t forget thing. It’s not that I try to remember, I just have a really good memory.

 38: Is this year the best year of your life?

Absolutely not. I look around at what is happening in both the entire world and my personal life, and I feel despair. 

 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 

14 years old.

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 

NO. I have no self confidence, I can’t even walk around my house without two or three layers of clothing on and be comfortable. 

51: Favorite food? 

PICKLES and ICE CREAM. But not together, that’s gross. 

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

Yes, otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to live in this chaos. I have to believe in that for my own sanity. 

 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

Read fanfiction.

 54: Is cheating ever okay?

No. What type of question is that? Cheating is never okay. If you enter a relationship, you are dedicating yourself to that person until you two break up, if you do that. If you want to be with someone else, you need to leave the relationship you are already in.

 55: Are you mean? 

I don’t think so. I can be mean at times, but I am not mean in the sense that I get joy from it and am mean regularly. 

56: How many people have you fist fought? 

zero. again, i don’t like fighting.

57: Do you believe in true love?

yes, I do. 

 58: Favorite weather? 

rain. 

59: Do you like the snow? 

yeah, but I don’t see it often. I could probably count the times I’ve played in snow on one hand.

60: Do you wanna get married? 

yes.

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

Depends on my relationship with them. I have been called babe by dudes hitting on me and I hate that. But if it is someone I am close to, I don’t see why not, it’s them trying to show affection. though why they would like me is beyond me

 62: What makes you happy?

fandoms, music.

 63: Would you change your name?

maybe. I’ve thought about it, a lot. 

 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

YES, VERY HARD. Let’s just say that the last time I kissed someone, I wasn’t in the best mental health place and them giving me attention felt good. Looking back, they aren’t a good person and I hate myself for falling for all that. 

 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 

Seeing as how I am a lesbian, I’d tell them that I’m not interested, but I would love to still be their friend.

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 

Yeah. He’s amazing. We both have crackhead energy, though he has more of it. 

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

Same friend as the last question. We texted last night in a group chat.

 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

My discord server and I have had a few deep conversations. I’d say them. 

 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 

I don’t really know. I guess? Yeah, I do. 

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

All of my close friends.

Welp, that’s done. Thank you so much for the laugh and the questions. I hope these answers of satisfying and if they arent, oh well. 

[seb-owns-these-tatas]

Ask me 3 questions to know me better:

I’m happy that y’all want to know me better! (Cause I don’t post personal stuff in here. Hehehehe. I’m aware of the whole ‘hate’ that writers/authors get in Tumblr right now and I’m a person who doesn’t like drama that I immediately swerve and avoid knowing what it is. My life has been too dramatic and this blog is used for my fantasies. I know y’all notice how I never get involved in one. So, I apologize if I mostly am living in my own world rn. 😂)

@pustjeachy​​ - Henlo, bb! I know you’ve sent it in my messages but I wanted to post it and answer it in my blog so here it is!

1. When did you start writing?

-I think I’ve started writing at around 15 years old when I was addicted to KPOP. I’m 21 right now, turning 22 so it’s been 6 years of writing like a crazy wild potato. I didn’t even realize I’ve been writing that long already. Still haven’t written my own novel nor finished one fic. (I’m determined for WOTN to be the first book I’ll finish writing. Whoo!) 

2. Did you start writing x reader fanfiction immediately or did you do something first? 

-I’ve written something first. I think the first was a collab with my bestfriend and it was written in our language but it was unfinished because we’ve both had lack of inspo after probably chapter 25 and it was going nowhere. The book was a fantasy themed one with fairies and such. She has always been my editor while I write an update there. It’s such a rough draft tho when I try coming back to it and reading what our freakin 15 year old self have been writing. It makes me wince. 😭😂 Also had my own novel where Nick Bateman has been used as inspo but it was discontinued due to lack of inspo again and I feel like I suck because of how it wasn’t been given any feedback by readers before. I’ve had lots of unfinished fics---

Which lead to me writing oneshots with x reader fanfiction because I thought it would probably be the only compilation book in Wattpad that I could get to finish. I did finish my book one of Sebastian Stan Oneshots in Wattpad so it was prolly an achievement. 

3. Do you have any pets? 

-YES I DO! 

The other cat left the house tho and she was never found. She didn’t leave tho, she has been chased by a stubborn child who lived in front of our home (we live in a compound and have only one gate so bye-bye privacy lmao) because the kid was really pigheaded and never listens to anyone who’s older than him. (Not even his own grandfather) and I’m so sad and angry that the grandfather doesn’t scold him for his wrongdoings despite growing to be a menace. 

4. THIS AIN’T A QUESTION! I JUST WANNA SAY I LOVE YOU BB FOR BEING SO APPRECIATIVE OVER MY WRITING BECAUSE IT REALLY KEEPS ME GOING! IT MAKES ME THINK THAT I AIN’T THE ONLY ONE SEEING WHAT FANTASIES I HAVE. IT MAKES ME FEEL AS IF YOU DO SEE THE IMAGINATIONS I CREATE. Stay safe too out there, hunny! I LOVE CHU! VERY MUCH! I’M SO LUCKY TO HAVE YOU! 

[kyufiber-moved]

hey hi helloo~ so,,,you kinda seem like you know lots of kdramas,,,,and i wanted to ask you,,,if you could recommend me some of your favorites? tbh anything would be fine kdjs it can be something where i can cry my heart and soul out or something really cute! that's totally up to you (but something where i can absolutely get emotionally invested in that it shatters my heart is what i probs need rn tbh 😩✊🏻)

this is my time to shine 🤓🤓🤓 i DEFINITELY CAN !!! esp for my favorite follower 😔💕 also this is gonna be pretty long bc i gave a lot of info for each drama so i’ll put a read more~!

_ MY PERSONAL FAVS _

go ho’s starry night- a chinese-korean collaboration drama starring snsd's yuri, kim youngkwang (the secret life of my secretary), and lee jihoon (legend of the blue sea) - go ho (yuri) is a dedicated worker who deals with her grumpy boss and quirky coworkers. she requests to be transferred to a different team, where she discovers her new boss is her ex-boyfriend, and then basically there forms a harem of 5 of her coworkers who all like her- super fluffy!! episodes are only about 15 minutes long each, and although there is angst, there's a lot more comedy and fluff. the relationship between the two main leads is adorable and had me squealing way more than once

put your head on my shoulder- a chinese drama starring fair xing (master devil do not kiss me) and lin yi- si tu mo is a bubbly girl who moves into a house only to find out that the owner's nephew (?), gu wei yi,  is already living there, and the two end up living together. si tu mo is sweet and outgoing, while gu wei yi is quiet and intellectual- SO cute. although the plot seems cliche, the focus is not really on them living together, that's just what brings them together originally, and the main lead isn't the stereotypical "cold and super smart asshole" type, he's actually very sweet. there are a lot of episodes but i would definitely recommend watching this!

like- a korean webdrama that you can find on youtube starring kim yu an, kim kangmin (maybe, maybe not), yoo jungwoo (love after school), and seo ji hye- about a group of students who create a film club to make youtube videos and the dumb shit they get into, plus there's some romance, betrayal, and fuckboys. - so so so so cute honestly. the dynamic between the characters of the club is so cute and funny, plus the love triangle has me wheezing. also the asshole fuckboy gets what he deserves which is super satisfying. it hasn't finished airing yet, but so far it's really cute

failing in love- korean webdrama  you can find on youtube starring son sang yeon (triple fling), yang hye ji, and shin yoon seop- about a group of high schoolers who deal with falling in love, crushes, rejection, etc.- ok so the summary i gave was pretty vague but that's because any more and i'd be exposing the whole plot. there is humor and fluff but also teenage angst, and the characters are all more complex than they first appear. i would highly recommend this show !!!

i have 3 boyfriends- short webdrama you can find on youtube starring kim ji eun, park sungwoo (produce 101 season 2 [that 30 year old dude who danced to rain's song OMG], moon jihoo, and lee jungsik - when la hi gets in a car accident and wakes up with amnesia she finds that she has 3 men all claiming to be her boyfriend.- OK LISTEN . this show is so funny and cute. let me just say: you MUST watch to the end. that's all i'll say. pLS WATCH

last minute romance- two episode drama special starring han seung yeon (age of youth) and lee seo won (the liar and his lover)- when baek se finds out she has terminal cancer and only has a short time to live, she desperately wants to complete her one bucket list item: date her favorite actor. it's then that she meets an aspiring actor who looks exactly like her favorite actor- so cute and very short, so you won't spend ages trying to finish. it is very fluffy, cute, and funny, but has an underlying tone of sadness because the main female lead has cancer and will eventually die. also her best friend is a monk??? the ending is bittersweet but very fitting

want more 19- a short webdrama you can find on youtube starring jung ha joon, sin gi hwan,  jeon yoo rim, nam yoon soo, and lee jungha- a story of 5 friends in high school. A mutual crush, a one-sided love, and a rough patch for sweethearts, all taking place right around the end their senior year- OH GOD i can't breathe this drama is so cute. it had me squealing every single episode, and it's very lighthearted with hardly any angst 

splash splash love- a two episode drama starring kim seulgi (queen of the ring) and highlight's doojoon (radio romance)- right before her ksat, danbi is transported to the past during a freak rain shower and is mistaken for a eunich (which, in korean, is the same word for high school senior) . due to her knowledge of future math, the king enlists her to teach him mathematics and they fall in love- a lowkey parody/remake of the kdrama love in the moonlight but if you added time travel into the mix and took out nearly all the angst. SO cute and funny, and has a happy but open type ending

something about 1 percent (2016)- korean drama starring jeon so min and ha seokjin (drinking solo)- lee jae in is an arrogant company heir, whose wealthy grandfather who decides to grant all his wealth to a kindly elementary school teacher. to only way for anyone else to get the money is for someone to marry her, but they devise a contract that changes it to date for 10 months. although they hate each other at first, they eventually fall in love- this drama is super cute and the kisses are AMAZING. there are crazy exes and all that but the couple's dynamic is super cute and they quickly warm up to each other

triple fling (s1)- a short choose-your-own-ending  korean webdrama on youtube starring jung bomin, son sangyeon (failing in love), themanblk's jeongyou, and themanblk's eom sewoong- lee sehee accidentally becomes friends with the three most popular boys in school and ends up in a love square with them- alright im whipped for stuff like this so naturally i loved it. i also really liked how viewers could choose their own ending as for which boy she chose. there is a second season that i haven't seen yet that focuses on another girl in ANOTHER love square (containing one of the guys from sehee's love square) in which it shows which boy she actually did choose (and it was my favorite so . yay!)

weightlifting fairy kim bok joo- a korean drama starring lee sungkyung (cheese in the trap) and nam joohyuk (who are you: school 2015)- a drama about a female weightlifter who falls in love. persuing the relationship would jeopardize her weightlifting, and focusing on weightlifting would jeopardize her relationship with her crush.  she and her group of friends deal with one-sided crushes, athletic pressure, and self-love.- i watched this drama in full in only two days, and loved it. seriously, it's funny, cute, sad, and just a generally AWESOME drama. plus it takes a lot of cliches and makes fun of them or turns them on their head

when you love yourself (s1)- a short webdrama you can find on youtube starring jung mingyu (sweet revenge 2) and saet byeol . - about a girl who is heavier than her classmates who struggles with self-love and self-acceptance, and along the way finds love- god. i can't even explain how much i loved this drama. the message is wonderful and there's no moment where she glows up and loses weight and then gets the guy's attention or anything: he simply loves her as who she is, no matter what weight she is, and is supportive. there's also an episode that focuses on the queen bee girl who also struggles with weight and self-love and it's just beautiful 

after school: lucky or not (s1)- short drama starring 5urprise: kang tae oh (my first first love), seo kang joon (are you human too), gong myung (drinking solo), lee taehwan (w: two worlds), and yoo il, as well as kim so eun (our gab soon)- when so eun gets an invite to the choose-your-mission club, she meets 5 chaotic guys that she becomes friends with, but there's something they aren't telling her.- yes, there is a lil romance and a love triangle HOHO. ok but seriously this drama is the most crackheadery i've ever seen like. genuinely i was just wheezing so hard every episode because of the dumb sh*t the guys were doing and so eun's reaction. this drama seems dumb and funny at first, but there are emotional moments as well as some angst relating to the love triangle and the origin of the club. please do watch this show !!! (don't recommend season 2, though)

accidentally in love - a chinese drama starring amy sun (the eternal love), fiction guo, and ma li- chen qingqing, who is raised by her grandfather) is arranged to be married, but wants to find love on her own terms. on the day of the wedding, she runs away to the university her parents attended to find out more about their death. to hide from her grandfather, she changes her appearance drastically and enters university. her new deskmate turns out to be singer si tu feng, whom she has already run into and has gotten off on the wrong foot with- so this drama was longer than the ones i usually watch but it was worth it. it was cute and they didn't drag out the couple not getting together for ages like some dramas tend to do. the romance was super cute and the female lead's undeterred determination to march to her own drummer was amusing. the only thing i didn't like is that they didnt give the side couple enough screentime bc they were super cute too

my woofy poofy love / my dog-like dating- a short korean webdrama you can find on youtube starring chae ji an and kim do hoon (your imagination becomes reality)- a girl who has recently been cruelly dumped by her boyfriend brings a stray dog back to her home and wakes up to find that instead of a dog, there is a man! she happens to be looking for a roommate, and so this man (who can turn into a dog) becomes her new housemate- literally adorable. female lead is stunning and the relationship is so cute and fluffy and innocent, but the kiss is steamy as hell. 

unrequited love (2019)- a chinese drama starring zhu yan man zi and zhao shun ran- a story of a girl who has secretly loved the same boy for 10 years, but he doesn't know she exists, until one day when they meet in college. so begins their love story, but things become more complicated because of other people- ok so like . damn i love this couple. this drama is really cute but has its fair share of angst, so don't expect an easy ride the whole way through. very cute though !!_ MORE DRAMA RECS _

a love so beautiful- a chinese drama starring shen yue (meteor garden) and hu yi tuan- chen xiaoxi has liked her neighbor jiangchen onesidedly for years, and continues to like him despite his seeming disinterest. but her determination and bubbly personality, as well as a romantic threat starts to cause him to fall for her- aight so . i feel like this drama was dragged out a little bit longer than necessary and then the ending was slightly rushed but!! it WAS a great and super cute drama

ok to be sensitive (s1)- a webdrama you can find on youtube starring kim da ye and kim youngdae (extraordinary you) and others im too lazy to put- focuses on feminist issues like sexism and sexual harassment in a college setting, which each episode focusing on one particular incident and the characters dealing with it- listen so like . this show had me emotional at some points bc of how amazing the message was. it dealt with sexual harassment, sexism, how females are expected to act, stalking, pressure to have sex... etc and basically every episode was like . you can stand up for yourself. you don’t have to “take it” just bc you’re a female, etc. also there was really cute romance uwu

ok to be sensitive (s2)- season 2 of otbs, also can be found on youtube, starring yoo hye in and lee shin young, as well as others but again im too lazy to list them all- same thing as season 1, but a different cast of main characters, and set in an office workplace. (original cast makes a cameo at the end)- the issues in season 2 were definitely a bit darker because it was set in a work place, where the main characters were worried about getting fired if they stood up for themselves, but the way things were handled was really admirable imo. also the male lead in this one is ABSOLUTELY adorable

go back diary- a 4 episode webdrama you can find on youtube starring kim ye ji and lee jong won (jaemin’s webdrama how to hate you)- about a boy who sees a girl at a karaoke bar (?) and instantly develops a crush on her. she then transfers to his school, and it tells the story of their love story after 10 years.- i’ll just say it right now. the whole drama was adorable except for the ending, which fucking sucked. literally was horrible. boycott episode 4 pls i was SO UPSET. otherwise, great webdrama

before we get married- taiwanese drama starring puff guo (just you; we got married w/ suju’s heechul) and jasper liu- tells the story of two people who already have partners and are planning to marry them, only to meet each other and fall in love- bro this show had so much angst i couldn’t even breathe lmfao. but the romantic scenes between the two leads were S T E A M Y let me TELL you. 

love after school (s1)- korean webdrama that can be found on youtube starring park so eun and yoo jungwoo (like)- about a couple who fell in love in high school and their story, told from 5 years later when they meet again- i love love love this bitch. LOVE. season 2 ... we won’t speak of her lol. but season 1 is super cute and the ???? kiss at the end(ish)??? DEAD. literally anything with yoo jungwoo will destroy me but omg. it was fantastic

lucky romance- a korean drama starring hwang jung eum (she was pretty) and ryu joon yeol (reply 1988) - about a woman who believes wholeheartedly in superstitions meeting a man who believes only in science and mathematics, and their very chaotic love story- this show was so funny tbh. the main couple’s dynamic was HILARIOUS and even though they were literally complete opposites they worked so well together. warning: towards the end there’s that whole ‘i have to be noble and let you go bc its for the best’ bullshit but!!! there is a happy ending 

maybe, maybe not- a webdrama starring kim kangmin (like) and gong yoorim- a girl who can read minds and is an outside bc she knows what everyone is really thinking meets a guy that she can’t read the mind of- so fluffy. so cute. oh god. pls watch it’s so soft and cute 

my first first love- a korean drama starring jisoo (strong woman dbs), dia’s chaeyeon (drinking solo), and b1a4′s jinyoung (love in the moonlight)- about a group of friends who all, due to various circumstances, move into their friend tae oh’s house, and find love along the way.- idk why netflix did that dumbass thing where they did mffl 1 and mffl 2 but they’re the same show, just eps 1-8 then 8-16. anyways !! very cute show!! jisoo is fine as hell. taeoh and the rich girl are cute together. i found the ending abrupt and unsatisfying, but overall a good show

thumping spike (s1)- a korean drama starring hwang seung eon (part-time idol) and song jae rim (our gab soon) - about a volleyball team and their coach who are aiming for success, and a female professional volleyball player who becomes their athletic mentor- i know it doesnt sound super romantic but trust me. there is lots of romance, and even a love triangle hehe

u-prince: the single lawyer- a thai drama apart of the u-prince series starring august vachiravit paisarnkulwong and apple lapisara intarasu- firstclass is a straight a student who is strict about punctuality and properness, while minute is a spoiled rich girl who loses all her luxuries when her family files for bankruptcy. she begins “going out” with her gay best friend, aka firstclass’ brother, for money and ends up living in their house, but she and firstclass hate each other- listen all the u prince dramas are cringy and low quality but does it look like a give a shit . NO BC I KEEP WATCHING THEM . they’re cute ok . anyways this was my favorite one so this is the one im recommending yeehaw

unexpected heroes- a short korean drama sponsored by the CDC organ transplant management center, starring btob’s minhyuk, ioi’s sohye, and choi jonghoon- about three high school students who discover that, after their respective organ transplants, they have supernatural powers- though there’s not much focus on romance in this drama, it’s still funny and cute. plus minhyuk is in it and what more can you ask for ?? lol. anyways the trio uses their powers to help solve crimes n stuff it’s gr8 and ive been waiting for a season 2 for 98429834 years

what to do with you- a korean webdrama - that is actually literally an ad for a facemask - starring lee hayoung and kim youngdae (extraordinary you)- saerom and geun are friends, but it feels like they’re something more. will they ever take the next step?- yeah this webdrama is super cute and that’s really all lol. also the bitchy girl in love after school is the best friend in this one oho

your imagination becomes reality- a webdrama that can be found on youtube starring oh se young, kim dohoon (my woofy poofy love), and jin ho eun- soram has a crush on a mysterious upperclassman, and wishes to see him again: she does, soon after. each time she makes a wish, it seems to magically come true. - yeah so like . it’s not a supernatural thing or anything, it’s just a cute college romance that’s basically every girl with a crush’s dream lol~! 

[bec-da-horse-rider]

Hmu! Let’s be friends!

So basically I have one friend...though I only see her once a month, once every two months. I love her and she’s my best friend but she soooo busy(all the time!)! I feel so alone all the time! I’m extraordinarily shy and I don’t know how to make friends or talk to people. She says I’m her best friend to but I wish she’d rely on me a bit more. She NEVER talks to me when she’s sad or just calls me when she’s lonely, or talks to me when something bad has happened (examples; she got bullied, lost a game in her sport, etc. Not talking about crazy bad like someone died). I want (and kinda need) to feel needed and wanted. I’m the type of friend where if it’s 3am and you can’t sleep, your feeling lonely/sad, call me. I’m the type of friend that is always there for you. The type of friend where you can tell me anything and no one will ever know. You can talk to me about anything. But here’s the thing, no one ever does...I just wanna feel wanted and needed.

Heres some stuff abt me:

1. I love animals.

2. Horses most of all

3. I own two horses, a dog, and six cats.

4. I hate school.

4.2: So I hate talking about (my) school/school work. However I’m more then happy to talk about yours!

5. I’m a huge cowgirl

6. I love anime

7. I hate reading

8. But I somehow enjoy writing stories

10. I can’t seem to put them down in book form though :(

11. I’m christian (doesn’t mean you have to be! :) I’m cool with anything!)

11.2: I don’t like religion talk(it’s fine if your in the same religion). It just ends up in fights and stuff. I try to steer away from this subject because I know some people are uncomfortable with it and I’d rather not end my friendship(or whatever we are) over the fact I’m Christian and stuffs. I won’t talk about it to you unless you want to.

12. Not gonna lie here: I do NOT support LGBTQ I do however support you. I won’t judge you for being gay(etc). You can be apart of the LGBTQ community. I may not support what you are doing or the decision you made but I do support you and I will NEVER make you feel like being gay(etc) is wrong or bad. I just feel like y’all should know that ❤️

13: pm/dm/message me any time! 24/7

14: I am SUPER self conscious about the way I look. I don’t like the way I look either so I’m sorry but I won’t FaceTime or send pics with my face in it >~<

15: as I have christian parents and I am christian if a show is rated any higher then tv-14 (rarely 14a is ok) I will not/won’t watch it

16: I like shows like; miraculous, voltron, dragon prince, etc. But I also like shows like; greys anatomy, skyscraper(that’s a movie lol), *insert another action movie/show here*, etc. I like kid shows (obviously not for like 3 year olds and stuff; tru, paw patrol, etc) but I also like more adult ish type stuffs (not any higher rating then tv-14 and not talking about s*x stuffs). I love action movies blood and gore doesn’t bother me!

17: my favourite show is “RWBY”

18: I’m indecisive.

19: my favourite colour is; black, blue, and a royal purple. I can’t choose!

20: I’m 15! (2004 is meh birth date. My birthday is sometime in April)

21: I’m Canadian! I actually do get lots of “oh so that’s why your so nice”s (yes people online have told me that after they found out I was Canadian lol) and it is funny.

22: My name is “Rebecca” I don’t like it though...I prefer to be called ”Bec”. Though I’m not picky and I won’t get mad if you call me by my full name or anything else! Call me whatever you want!

23: I’m homeschooled!

24: I have weird taste in music :)

25: I’m single, Iv never had a boyfriend...or even a crush! (Just to be clear I’m just saying that so you know me better, I’m not looking for a boyfriend or anything)

26: my parents are strict(ish). My parents don’t like/allow me to talk to ppl online I don’t know irl. But I am literally going insane from loneliness. I NEED someone to talk to. The loneliness is quite literally swallowing me whole.

That’s all! Hmu! (Boy or girl!)

Two of my favourite songs rn 😊😋❤️

[boyfriem-moved]

pl ea se info dump about your ocs

oh boy ok you,,, don’t want this but u already asked and it’s too late to go back so im just gonna start talking

ok so i have like 2 separate oc worlds and 3 seperate groups of ocs within those (these are just the main ones, there’s ones i don’t think abt anymore and ones i’ve abandoned and fan characters and stuff but if i went over all of that i’d be here all day so i’ll just stick with these)

so the first world is just our world, modern day, but with magic. there’s this one town, barnsley, georgia, that’s cut off from the rest of the world. most ppl drive by without ever noticing it, and if someone tries to go in who’s not wanted the town will disappear or try to kill them or just do something to keep them out. it’s a vaguely sentient town. in barnsley there’s a big forest and no one’s ever gone in and come out the other side. there’s ambiguous danger in the forest, mostly faeries who will make you fall in love with them and then kill you and harvest your bones and stuff.

so there’s like 4-6 characters depending on where we’re looking at in terms of what storyline i’m following (this is the one that i did nanowrimo for three (3) times and have over 100,000 words of thrown out content for and obsess over constantly so it has the most solid plot and there’s a lot of it) so anyways i’ll just go over all 6 and try to make it as simple as possible without talking about converging storylines and alternate drafts and stuff

ok! so! vi larson-park is the daughter of one of barnsley’s 3 great magicians! her mom could do all sorts of crazy magic and i can’t get into the parents’ backstory here bc they have a whole OTHER story and that’s just. too much (maybe i’ll do that later? we’ll see) so yeah her mom did magic and also made some bad deals and stole some stuff from the woods and indirectly caused some ppls deaths but it’s like fine probably. so vi grew up with her mom, natalie, her mom’s witch girlfriend, erica, and erica’s twin brother, simon (who i’ll get into later and also who doesn’t exist in half the scrapped drafts) in this big empty DEFINITELY HAUNTED house on the edge of town where erica grew up and they were good and happy. then like a year ago natalie was killed by nick, who i’ll also get into later, and that’s kinda the end of her story, vi and erica are obviously devastated and they have a funeral and vi starts having the occasional odd dream here and there, but things go back to normal after awhile. vi has absolutely no aptitude for magic, and because of that she often feels alienated by erica and simon who are VERY magical and always talking about things she doesn’t understand. she’s fiercely loyal and protective and not really scared of anything. she’s always wanted to know what’s in the woods but knows better than to go looking

tyler is vi’s best friend and also 50% whole entire Not Human. he either came from the woods or was found outside a random gas station in like arizona or something depending on which draft i’m going by, but either way he was found around two years ago and has been clinging to vi ever since. his backstory is a big unknown to the human characters and no one really knows anything about him. he’s a faerie prince, the son of the erlking, who’s sort of the ambiguous villain of the story but i’ll get into him later. he has 3 brothers, sorrel, dain, and kell. sorrel is the oldest and known as the winter prince, then there’s kell for spring, dain for summer, and tyler himself for autumn. (btw his name isn’t actually tyler technically it’s robin but i'm not gonna get into that rn.) sorrel is cool and collected and stone cold bitch, and all he wants is to be king so he roped tyler into helping him try and kill their dad, which failed, so then he lost his position in the royal court and now he’s doing tons of morally gray stuff in an attempt to get back in his dad’s favor so he can kill him for real this time. dain and kell are sort of nothing at all and you don’t need to know anything except dain is really mean and violent and kell is an ally(?). after the whole failed killing debacle tyler ran away to barnsley in hopes that he could find something in common with the humans, since he’d been a faerie all his life and couldn’t stand it. he’s quiet and doesn’t like doing or saying things unless he absolutely has to, is generally unhelpful unless something benefits him, scared of being alone, hates being indoors, runs around barefoot and only eats food from the woods. he’s kinda like an outdoor cat.

nick and marcus jacobs are brothers and general hooligans. nick is the older one (he’s 19) and marcus is 15 and they grew up in barnsley for the first 14 years of marcus’ life until marcus accidentally killed their dad and they left town. which the dad killing subplot is really a lot to get into but basically their dad was the second magician, along with vi’s mom, except the effects of magic on a person can kinda drive a person insane and the others managed to keep it together but he slowly went crazy until he was paranoid and in pain all the time and ended up taking a lot of it out on his sons which ended in him threatening marcus and marcus in an act of self defense unleashing raw magic power he didn’t know he had and accidentally killing him and also taking out all the power in the entire town and causing a minor earthquake. it was a Big Deal. so yeah they buried their dad in the backyard and skipped town. after their dad died all his magic went down to nick so nick has newfound power (marcus btw has never been able to use magic since then and has no idea how he did it) but he also has voices in his head and weird dreams, and with all the voices yelling at him all the time he realizes that the only way to get rid of them is to get rid of the magicians. his dad did some magic bullshit that made him the vessel for the magic once he died but the other magicians didn’t so he doesn’t have to kill anyone besides them and it makes sense bc i say it does shut up. so for like a year they drive around aimlessly, meet with and kill vi’s mom, meet with and kill aidan’s dad (i’ll get to aidan once i’m done here), pick up a hitchhiker depending on which version of the story i’m telling, then go back home where they’re not really welcome anymore but that won’t stop them. nick is cold and mean and. y’know. a murderer, but he also loves marcus greatly and gets attached to people more easily than he would like to admit. he’s sort of closed himself off and resigned himself to killing “for the greater good”, but it’s hard for him, and there’s definitely people he wouldn’t kill. he fully planned to, once he got rid of the magicians, never kill again, and he keeps that promise. marcus is soft spoken and anxiety ridden and a bit of a crybaby and he hates death and doesn’t fully trust nick and doesn’t trust himself either. on the outside he appears bitter and angry constantly.

aidan mulligan is a HOOLIGAN! a whole entire rowdy boy! he’s also the son of the third magician and marcus’ ex(?) boyfriend? more like boyfriend on standby. it’s complicated. there’s nothing special to him, he’s rowdy bc his parents never gave him enough attention so he runs around with people he doesn’t really like and is always getting into trouble. his favorite activities are skipping church and running the local cryptid watch am radio station, which no one listens to and which he used to run with marcus. he misses marcus dearly and keeps waiting for him to come back. he’s loud and talkative and his mood changes drastically but is always on the highest setting. he’s either screaming-and-throwing-things angry or unable to shut up and bouncing all over the place. not to pick favorites but he’s my favorite i really love him. his life moto is “fuck you dad” basically. oh yeah nick killed his dad and stuff and it’s hit him hard but he’s not as torn up by it as he probably should be, which he feels terrible about. his mom lives on the other side of the country and doesn’t currently know his dad is dead, which isn’t really something you’re supposed to keep secret generally but the mulligan family said fuck the rules. he has two brothers, connor and seamus (connor older, seamus younger) and loves both of them though he would never admit it.

simon diederich is the secret special bonus magician!! also i think i gotta talk abt parent backstory for him so,,,, here goes: basically, simon and vi’s mom and marcus and aidan’s dads all stole magic from the forest in a way that doesn’t super make sense but it’s my story i can do what i want. and in the process simon died and they had to leave him behind in the woods, but then since the magic in the forest was weak it couldn’t continue being formless or else it would turn into nothing since so much of it had been damaged by the humans or w/e. so it took simon’s body as a vessel and resurrected him with all his old memories but also 100% more magic power. so he took that power and went back home and has been just straight chillin, unaging, for 30-ish years. he got like. immense wisdom when he was resurrected and is also possessed by a sentient forest so he does what the forest wants which is protect the town and fistfight anyone he doesn’t like. he’s obnoxious and immature and thinks he’s hot shit and loves these trees more than he loves other people probably

bonus character: lila is the ghost who lives in vi’s attic. she’s like 7. i love her

THAT HURT MY FINGERS TO TYPE. I HAD TO MOVE TO GOOGLE DOCS TO DO THIS BC TUMBLR KEPT LAGGING AND MY WORD COUNT IS NEARING 2000 BUT W/E LETS KEEP GOING

next, still in the same universe, are the residents of greywell, washington. greywell is what’s on the other side of those woods no one can cross in barnsley. how does that work? magic obviously. greywell is a lot like barnsley but more sinister, it’s a lot newer so the characters aren’t as fleshed out (with one exception) and there’s really only 3 i actually care abt so this ones gonna be a lot shorter. i’ve thought abt plot but nothing solid so there’s some...stuff but mostly this one will be short

zoe hammond: amateur teen witch who’s also cursed. she has an eye on her left hand which is always watching her and she wants off desperately. u know how i said in some versions of the story nick and marcus pick up a hitchiker? that’s her, going to barnsley bc she knows its magic and hopes someone there will know how to fix her. she respects authority and stays in line for the most part, but she also takes shit from no one. she’ll talk to nearly anyone but doesn’t particularly like anyone in town, also she sells witch shit out of the trunk of her car in the school parking lot

wesley: short rowdy trans boy with absolutely no self control who’s stoned all the time and does crazy things for the adrenaline rush and doesn’t bind safely and falls in love with every boy he meets. he skateboards bc of course he does. he’s always ready to fight and punches ppl a lot but usually ends up losing fights bc he’s tiny. i love him

noa: ok this dude went into the woods one (1) time and now there’s this magic glove stuck on their hand? and a ghost in their phone?? and they’re literally so confused and they’ve never had any friends in their entire life but all of a sudden that weird lesbian witch and her crazy skateboarder friend are talking to them all the time and they died? except they woke back up like nothing had happened even though their head basically blew up? and there’s like faeries and stuff coming after them because they want the glove and they can’t get the stupid thing off their hand and they have no idea what’s going on noa is an absolute nervous wreck who’s really fun to draw and they have no idea what’s happening to them and tbh i don’t rly know what i’m doing either but i’m having a good time

ada: the phone ghost.

last set!! i have them all done already from this thing i did with @dogstoes so i’ll just paste them in but first background:

this is a completely separate world, it’s like this 1910s era fictional city with magic and shit. the magic system is kinda complicated but basically there’s elemental magicians who are heavily tied to religion, they’re believed to be sacred and god sent by p much every organized religion. they do elements, it’s pretty simple. then there’s blood magicians who can basically transmute but they have to use their own blood to do it. anyone can learn to be a blood magician but most ppl don’t want to bc. blood ow. blood magicians are an ABOMINATION AGAINST GOD and there’s a stigma against them in religious communities so they tend to populate big cities and less religious places. there’s also healers who are born like elementals and can’t be trained, they’re isolated from both schools of magic bc unlike elementals they’re not pure (well, depending on which religion you ask) and unlike blood magicians they’re not common. born magicians are born with pure black eyes (irises? the colored part. not just all black) that differentiate them from nonmagic ppl. there’s also super intense mary sue magicians who r rare and born with red eyes (i started this world when i was 13 don’t judge me bitch) and they can shapeshift kinda? but in cool ways, it’s not just shapeshifting they could also make their skin tough or nails pointy or w/e. one of them specifically likes to harden his own blood in weapons it’s kinda metal. anyways here’s the character profiles from the google doc pasted in word for word

Characters (bc i suddenly decided this is Sharin With Rivers material If You Shall Take It):

So basically there's these 2 gangs, run by this woman Lyra Frey and this dude Lucas Sweeney, and they Do Not Like Each Other At All. Neither of them are good bc yknow...gangs….but lyra’s is like...better anyways here's characters

Lyra's dudes:

Emil Finch: 21, any and all pronouns, ace, lyra’s right hand man/ veteran of a bloody civil war (TECHNICALLY a war criminal but yknow…it's whatever). Likes cats and Arya, dislikes cigarettes and being short. Their birth name is Emilee, which they  shortened to their liking when they moved to The Big City, and they used their father's name (Finn O'Malley) to join the war. They're a healer magician but ssshhh don't tell anyone. They used their powers to hurt people when they were in The War and now don't trust themselves, so they stick to traditional medicine thank you very much. (Also knives. They’re a big fan of knives.)

Arya Frey: 21, she/her, Lyra’s adopted daughter and mechanic. She has METAL LEGS and has to walk with a cane so she doesn't go outside much, mostly makes machines and strategizes for her mom. Likes drawing, Emil, making things/taking them apart, dislikes cold weather (it makes her joints hurt), magic, Drunk Emil. She has two cats named vriska and karkat. Everyone is suspicious of these names even though it's like 1910 and an alternate universe and homestuck doesn't exist.

Jaz Anaheim: 18, he/him, big gay disaster, a pickpocket who came to the Big City with his brother when he was 16 to work and send money to his mom, stole from a kingpin, joined a gang, watched his brother die in front of him, and lied to his mom for 2 years about his job and his brothers aliveness while he sent her blood money. He's a humble farm boy, no magic, tall and uncoordinated, basically all he can do is steal and flirt badly and he's very aware. Also where he came from magicians were rare because they were all drafted for the war so when he sees magic he's way too impressed. Likes loud music, people being interested in him, his family (just his mom now :’)), his hometown, dislikes the city, feeling disliked, himself, swimming

Sweeney’s band of assholes:

Elliott Sweeney: 24, he/him, Sweeney’s son and certified dad hater. He's a blood magician which are common and not that impressive but he’s good at what he does bc he did nothing but practice for like 6 years. His dad basically controls him and makes him work for him because he's useful. He resents his dad with every ounce of his being but doesn't have the spine to do anything about it. After accidentally burning down part of their house and killing his mom his dad sent him away to the summer house in the country, where he lived for the past 6 years, obediently doing his dad’s bidding and learning how to control his magic until he got fed up and burned that house down (on purpose this time), making his dad move him back to the family house in the city so that he could keep an eye on him. he’s one of those badass mega magicians who does blood swords and stuff, he’s also spent so much time reading that he knows a lot about magic theory. Quiet, reserved, extremely petty, but shows a sense of humor around his sister. Never really knew Alise growing up so he’s more of a cool uncle than a brother. Likes his sister, learning things, astronomy, dislikes his dad, Emil, doing magic, fighting, feeling trapped

Alise Sweeney: 14, she/her, her dad named her Alise with an S because he's just that much of an asshole. She's a self trained blood magician and good at what she does. She hates her dad almost as much as Elliott does but she's also not a fucking baby about it. Is DEFINITELY planning on killing him at some point. Was raised to make jokes and do crime and her brother said if she does crime she's grounded. Has never been serious about anything ever, and probably has a screw loose. Has killed people. Is basically a tiny fighting machine. Her dad was rough on her growing up. Likes picking fights, Elliott and Atticus, pissing off her dad, causing trouble. Dislikes her dad, people stronger than her, tense situations, being alone

Atticus Grey: 16, he/him, not Sweeney’s son but hates him enough that he probably could be (in case you were noticing a theme here, sweeney is kinda unlikeable). His mom left soon after he was born and his dad ran up a huge debt and ended up working for Sweeney to pay it off, then died in a gang fight before he could get through it. Sweeney, the merciless motherfucker that he is, decided that Atticus would finish paying it off, and snatched him up as soon as he was 13. His dad used to hang out with Emil’s and so they ended up taking care of parentless Atticus (along with (extremely reluctant) Arya. Atticus is really close with Lyra’s entire crew because he's spent so much time around them. He's a fire magician who knows a bit of blood magic but barely uses it, and he's an angsty bitch. Likes Emil, being alone, dislikes everything else.

oh yeah then there’s those bitches in charge:

Lyra Frey is a [REDACTED] year old woman from [REDACTED] who moved to the city while fleeing from [REDACTED]. She was in the civil war briefly, fighting for the [REDACTED] side. Her real name is not Lyra, but is actually [REDACTED]. She loves Arya more than anything else probably. Sees Jaz as an unofficial son, is skeptical of Atticus, likes Emil but doesn’t trust them.

Lucas Sweeney is one of those rich bastards who also does crime on the side. He’s a politician but everyone and their mother knows he’s an absolute crime lord on the side. Has arguably more power than Lyra but has no idea how to use it, plus Alise has already recruited like half his employees into joining her uprising. He’s a selfish man and a terrible dad. No one likes him.

uh yeah that is. all!! this is over 3000 words jesus do asks have a word limit? i sure hope not

[formerlyjannafaye]

100 Questions

I was tagged by @janes-mike and @el-and-hop and @caseyk112 like 100 years ago and I just finished it now! Oops.

1. What is your nickname? Janaynay, Fayzers, Jan

2. How old are you? 31

3. What is your birth month? February

4. What is your zodiac sign? Aquarius

5. What is your favorite color? Rainbow

6. What’s your lucky number? 2

7. Do you have any pets? not at the moment

8. Where are you from? Canada

9. How tall are you? 5′4

10. What shoe size are you? 8

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? this is so embarassing, I probably own like 35 pairs of shoes (but in my defense, we experience extremes in all 4 seasons during the year) and I am a shoe addict.

12. Are you random? sometimes? but not really.

13. Last person you texted? my dad

14. Are you psychic in any way? i feel like i am really good at reading people and i have a really good memory when it comes to people so maybe a little?

15. Last TV show watched? New Girl

16. Favorite movie? Hard question! ET, Get Over It, Moulin Rouge

17. Favorite show from your childhood? Mr. Dressup!

18. Do you want children? I have one! I’d like one more, I think.

19. Do you want a church wedding? I had one.

20. What is your religion? I am a Christian, which I almost hate to say because Christians are represented so badly today and I am ashamed of this group so often. To clarify, I think Jesus is the bomb and so I try to emulate how he treated people. I’m also a feminist, pro marriage equality, pro choice, pro creation care/caring for the environment, I believe in science, I don’t believe in hell, and I hate violence. So...do with all that what you will.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? Yes, I go there a lot with my work.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? I literally sweat when a cop car passes me and I’m a goody two shoes, so no! Haha

23. How is life? Its alright. I am really tired today which always affects my mood negatively. And I just watched Infinity War last night so I’m depressed, y’all. (edit: can you tell I started this over a week ago LOL)

24. Baths or showers? Showers (you could not pay me to get into a bath! germs!)

25. What color socks are you wearing? none, its too warm out

26. Have you ever been famous? Once I met the guy who won Canadian Idol and my local grocery store put up a picture of us together in the store and had it up for years. Haha! 

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? I used to really want to be famous, but celebs get a horrible deal these days. They have no privacy and our world thinks they owe us everything and really they owe us nothing so I would never ever want to be famous. I like being able to look like crap daily and not have it in magazines.

28. What type of music do you like? I like a wide variety of music, the only music I don’t like, really, is misogynistic rap and country. I am a choral and accapella music nerd, I love it so much.

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? Yup.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? Two.

31. What position do you usually sleep in? On my side with my top leg thrown over so I’m in a weird stomach/side position but its sooo comfy.

32. How big is your house? Its a good size! Big enough for us and then to host people that come to visit us and our yard is huge!

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? I suck at breakfast...toast or a granola bar.

34. Have you ever left the country? I have been to Germany, South Africa, Cuba, Costa Rica and the USA.

35. Have you ever tried archery? Many years ago at summer camp.

36. Do you like anyone? Well I’m married, so yes.

37. Favorite swear word? Shit. It is sooo satisfying to say.

38. When do you fall asleep? WAY too late every night. Between midnight and 2 am.

39. Do you have any scars? Yeah I have some from when I had the chickenpox as a kid and had no self control and scratched them off.

40. Sexual orientation? Straight.

41. Are you a good liar? I think I am a horrible liar, because I value authenticity so much and lying makes me anxious.

42. What languages would you like to learn? I would love to learn Spanish since its so beautiful. Really I just would love to not only speak English!

43. Top 10 songs? Oh my! What a question! Imma be safe and just say the top 10 songs I am listening to most often right now: Fall in Line by Christina Aguilera ft Demi Levato, Don’t Go Breaking My Heart by BSB, Lost in Japan by Shawn Mendes, Bittersweet Symphony cover by Boyce Avenue, Love You Long Time by Pentatonix, Dive by Ed Sheeran, Nancy Mulligan by Ed Sheeran, New Rules cover by Pentatonix, Casanova by Allie X, Gravity by Sara Bareilles.

44. Do you like your country? I do! I am mad at our leader rn, and appalled that Ontario elected a Donald Trump wannabe as a premier (like WHY HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING ONTARIO PERSONS UGH) but overall I love being Canadian.

45. Do you have friends from the web? Yes! Its the best!

46. What is your personality type? I am an ESFP, an extrovert with introvert tendancies, and I am an enneagram 4 (seriously, google it. That is me to a T).

47. Hogwarts House? Hufflepuff 4 LYFE

48. Can you curl your tongue? Yes.

49. Pick one fictional character you can relate to? I am Anne from Anne of Green Gables, just not as smart. Just as dramatic and short tempered, though.

50. Left or right handed? Right

51. Are you scared of spiders? I don’t like them or want them near me.

52. Favorite food? Chocolate. Chips and Dip. Dill pickles.

53. Favorite foreign food? I love Mexican food so much I can’t even pick one thing. Also naan bread is the BOMB especially when dipped into dal makhani. Uuuuuuugggghh I wanna eat that so bad rn.

54. Are you a clean or messy person? I am pretty clean, messiness makes me crazy.

55. If you could switch your gender for a day, what would you do? Pee standing up, see what its like to not have to deal with bathroom lines, street harassment, etc.

56. What color underwear? Grey.

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? 20 mins, but usually longer because I don’t like to be rushed so I take my time.

58. Do you have much of an ego? I don’t think so? I’m a walking pile of insecurities.

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? I used to bite them but I have TMJ and my jaw is a piece of garbage that cannot withstand biting anything hard without popping all out of place and pain. Fun times.

60. Do you talk to yourself? Yup.

61. Do you sing to yourself? CONSTANTLY.

62. Are you a good singer? I have a pretty decent voice.

63. Biggest Fears? Losing people I love, dying, clowns, bats, cockroaches

64. Are you a gossip? I like being in the know but I don’t like pettiness. That said I sometimes find I have to focus REALLY hard to bite my tongue.

65. Are you a grammar nazi? Absolutely.

66. Do you have long or short hair? Its too long! I need a haircut.

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? Maybe? I might forget a few. The real question is can any of my American friends name the Canadian provinces (the CAN equivalent of states? I DOUBT IT yet we learn the states in school. SMH)

68. Favorite school subject? English and French

69. Extrovert or Introvert? Intoverted extrovert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? Nope and I don’t plan on it.

71. What makes you nervous? Rooms full of people that don’t like me, small spaces, driving in winter.

72. Are you scared of the dark? Less than I used to be, but I don’t like it.

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? I do daily but thats because I have a toddler and teaching/correction is important in some moments. But you also have to let them fail which is challenging to do.

74. Are you ticklish? Nope. Only my sister can tickle me and its so annoying when she does!

75. Have you ever started a rumor? Not that I can recall?

76. Have you ever been out of your home country? Yeah a few times

77. Have you ever drank underage? I don’t think so, I was 18 by the time I drank anything, I think.

78. Have you ever done drugs? No drugs scare the living crap out of me.

79. What do you fantasize about? Having more time to myself, living alone like a hermit and not having to work, having perfect hair every day, having another kid, living somewhere warm, saying snarky things to my MIL’s face.

80. How many piercings do you have? None.

81. Can you roll your R’s? Yes.

82. How fast can you type? Fast-ish if I’m on a roll but I don’t use the proper hand technique. I get by though.

83. How fast can you run? Run? Moi? HAHAHAHA

84. What color is your hair? Ash brown with a faded rainbow in the back.

85. What color are your eyes? Green.

86. What are you allergic to? Winter mold. Spring is the worst. And I can’t go barefoot on grass unless I want to have itchy swollen feet that I want to scratch off forever.

87. Do you keep a journal? I have one that I’m supposed to write a line a day in but I am the WORST at it. Once I get behind I get so unmotivated.

88. Are you depressed about anything? I feel like I’m sleep walking through my life sometimes, and depression takes away my ability to care enough to be motivated to do anything about it. I swear apathy is the worst side effect of depression for me! 

89. Do you like your age? It is honestly the best. I love being 30! I care less about the insecurities that consumed my life in my early 20s. I have more body confidence . I’m more secure financially than I’ve been at any point in my life. And I still feel youngish. Haha.

90. What makes you angry? White privilege, misogyny, Canadian and American politics, Christian people who don’t act loving and don’t seem bothered by it, when people don’t return their shopping carts in parking lots, when people can help others but don’t, cancer, narcissists.

91. Do you like your own name? I have always loved my name. I only know one other person with my name who spells it like me!

92. Did you ever get a foreign object up your nose? Odd question, no.

93. Do you want a boy or a girl for a child? I have a boy, and if I ever get the opportunity to have another kid I kinda hope its a girl. I’m really close with my mom so I always imagined having a daughter to hopefully be close with too. My son is a mini me in every way, though.

94. What talents do you have? I have a semi-photographic memory (so helpful for studying), I learn song lyrics super fast, I can sing any song for you in the correct key it was recorded in (what would you call that? pitch memorization?)

95. Sun or moon? I love sitting in a sunbeam like a cat. But the moon is super comforting to me. Both.

96. How did you get your name? My mom wanted me to have a different name in a sea of Ashley’s and Brittany’s (I was born in the late 80s).

97. Are you religious? My faith is very important to me and relates to all areas of my life, including my job, so yes? But I don’t feel like I need to be in your face about it, that’s not my style. 

98. Have you ever been to a therapist? Yes and honestly everyone on the planet could benefit from it! Its the best!

99. Color of your bedspread? White with blue and goldish flowers on it.

100. Color of your room? Light grey.

I feel like everyone already did this but all the same I’m going to tag @earlgreyteagirl, @reddie-to-mileven-it-up, @stevemossington, @maxmayfield and here’s some people who I know already did this but I want you to see my answers haha so here goes @hannahberrie @summer-in-hawkins @jane-el-hopper @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold @thezoomermax @puzzlingsnark @fatechica @mikeweezers

[smellycinnamonthundahfudge]

tumblr fweinds

a year ago, i was tagged by @suplosers on two questionnaires and it is only now, a year later that i was able to answer em. i’m so sorry it took me this long but yah i’m just glad to get thru dis milestone, answering the first tumblr get to know ya post i was @ at... yaayyy ^^

rules: answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people.

I tag: tbd haha i still have to dig thru meh notifs to see which ones apparently took an interest in me so i’d like to take an interest in as well haha but oh @you-guys--are-losers, ur doing this whahaha hope it’s not too much of a bother, no presh watsoever ;3

the last

1. drink: ughh it's dis shitty stuff called hydrite w/c is basically salt water cus im sick rn and it's supposed to rehydrate ur shts or something hahaha

but dat was like a week ago... as of da moment i posted dis, it’s coffee from mini stop dat i drank at like 530 in da morn while i waited until i could enter the school cus i had to commute 3 hours w/ lil to none sleep

2. phone call: my father or one of my best friends

3. text message: the last one i texted was my sister and the last one i got a text from was dis org in school about the location for recruitment/auditions/interview

4. song you listened to: billy jean by michael jackson and i listened to it for meh tomdaya fic hahaha. But i also listened to halo by beyonce, untouchable and dress by taylor swift, and some other songs magmt mentions in her tomdaya fic hehe a week ago

rn, a metal cover of toxic by our last night

5. time you cried: haha i don't actually remember the context of it (i could find out tho haha cus i sent da pic to my best friend) but i took a pic of it while i did it which was on... july 16 hahaha. Oh but w8 oh sht i think i cried after that fudge w8 i don't remember the date (i think i can find this out too hahaha) but i wrote a sortof goodbye confessions letter to one of my dear friends and i wrote there that i externally cried (b4 i just said internally haha) so i'm not entirely sure i cried but i think im pretty sure i teared up hehe

6. dated someone twice: hahaha i haven't even had a legit love interest yet 😆😂 buuutt my best friend and i have "dated" as in spent entire days together w/ just the two of us, we even went to mcdonalds for valentine's day and got each other gifts hihihi aahhh gosh i miss her :'(

7. kissed someone and regretted it: haha im not even sure if dis happened and i have no plans on asking her about it but i remember when i was a kiddo, when my sis came home for some reason i kissed her on the lips hahaha dont remember if accidental or i just brain farted heck i aint even sure if it happened but das all i can answer cus well like i said, see #6 😆😂😆😂

8. been cheated on: hhmmm probs not, i have no idea if ive been cheated on in an unromantic way hahaha but in da romantic way, like i said, no love interest hahaha

Oh w8 does being someone's crush (i aint sure but it seemed like it) and crushing on dat dude but dat dude crushing on someone else too count as cheating? 😆😂😆😂

9. lost someone special: yes, all of my grandparents are dead. I've also lost pets, and i fear i may lose some of my friends due to the distance among us in this time of our lives

10. been depressed: i always wanna be careful over how to define depression. Like wat constitutes it... but yes, i think i have. Not sure, mind you, but yes, at the beginning of gr 7 i was really alone, i think i was bullied and i think i was depressed and going thru a really dark phase of my life back then. But then again, i have to say, i'm not sure.

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: hahaha nope. I'm looking forward to getting drunk tho. Im currently underage so im not allowed to drink dat much yet but yeah i wanna know my limits hehehe i hope im da kinda gurl who can handle her liquor but i have drank and i have to say it made me all loopy and weird and just like woke or high or something hahaha so yeah man im excited to get trashed on my 18th bday hahaha (hopefully i get to do this tho huhuhu)

3 favourite colours

12. Pink

13. Blue

14. Gray

in the last year have you

15. made new friends: yyeeesssss and i'm so glad i have hihi. I have made friends w/ a select group of my blockmates and they're awesome and weird, i hope to strengthen our bond in da future hehe. Ooohhh and i sure hope that you guys are losers is my friend cus she's been rlly great :')

16. fallen out of love: i guess the closest i've come to falling out of love in a romantic way is moving on from da heavy crushin on meh crush. But i dunno, i still think he's a unicorn n pretty special to me so i dunno hahaha.

But bro, i do think i have fallen out of love. With tv shows, with characters. Like i used to be so passionate about a few shows and characters but now all i have towards them is regret heck i cant even remember wat dey are but i know dat der was love lost. I know it.

17. laughed until you cried: hahaha yaasss i think so. It's either when i was with my best dearest friends or during the class of dis really cool and funny as heck joker teacher who makes us laugh in EVERY SINGLE CLASS hahaha ahhh das guy's so cool

18. found out someone was talking about you: oohh yah yah i think so. Either from my best friends or from a few of my old classmates i care about and had gotten close with. Da best friend ones was about something in my past/history (g7) and the classmates one i think was just dem talking about me and they told me about it ooohhh i think it was my crush hahahaha. They told me dat my crush actually admired me a lot hehe. There was one time my friend (the one who told me about dis) was putting make up on me for a school film, and my crush was da cam guy and he told my friend i looked pretty. Sooo im pretty lucky dat- oh sht w8 i dunno if it's dis year but oh w8 no, it was on my bday last year (dec 20) and da same friend said she was sorry cus apparently da bois make fun of me or something and she was sorry cus she laughed along too hahaha but i didnt mind cus i know im weird and i dont even know what dey say about me in da first place hahahaha. Ok das it im done, i think ive overshared now hahaha 😆😂😆😂

19. met someone who changed you: my best friends. Ive thought about it based on wat sup losers said about change for da better and i dont rlly think of change as something dat happens quick, i think it happens over time and u dont even notice it. So ok oh sht i think im wrong cus i met my best friends 4/6 years ago hahaha but for reals tho, i was in a dark place and if it werent for dem i think id still be lost lonely and sad. Uuhhmmm in regards to answering the question correctly, i guess my blockmates count since they inspire/challenge me to be better. OH SHT W8 i def think you guys are losers and dead end street and tomdaya receipts and tout de suite have changed me hehehe. Da first 2 in dat dey inspired me to write more hehe. Da 1st one inspired me to do this so i think this counts as change hehe. And da last 2 changed me in dat bcus i met dem, i became OBSESSED w/ tomdaya hahaha.

20. found out who your friends are: yes, i have actually. And it's all because i am now currently a college freshman as well as my friends.

21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: hahaha my fam i guess hahaha. But no one in a romantic context.

general

22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: hhmmm i guess id say about 200 since i know 4 sections of around 40 ppl and da rest is like fam and ppl ive met once/twice or have passed by haha

23. do you have any pets: yaaaassss 3 doggos: albie, juju, and biggie girl. Juju has a pupper named tchalla called dat cus he black hehehe and biggie has 2 biglets named mermer (meredith) and crissy (cristina) cus they're sisters 😍😊😊

My fam have also had a buncha dogs n puppers before but they were either given away or passed away. My bro also has dis cat named bob and i think he counts as a semi pet since my bro's home is a fam home.

24. do you want to change your name: uuhhh i wish i had an alliterative name like superheroes. Buutt im pretty happy w/ my name :')

25. what did you do for your last birthday: oohhhh i think i was at my section's christmas party it was pretty nice n emotional and i spent da rest of da day w/ 2 of meh best friends who bought me cake n food when my own fam didn't 😆😂😆😂

26. what time did you wake up: 4 am to shit cus im sick, but fell asleep again and officially got up around 730 or 8ish

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: haha tryna stay awake cus i had to drink meh meds and failed oh so much and i think i was asleep by midnight hahaha

28. name something you can’t wait for: tomdaya content, chatting/being w/ my best friends, watching da stuff i wanna watch, tumblring, reading sht i wanna read, vacation, writing fanfics, learning how to do a buncha stuff (write screenplays, make films n gifs, draw better), my bday when i hopefully get to do wat i want haha, avengers 4 and smffh, and captain marvel and antman and the wasp too i guess haha oh and the incredibles 2 and httyd 3 😍😍😍 oohhh and crazy rich asians

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: on monday which was when i was at home and not at my dad's n sis' n i's apartment in manila for school/work

31. what are you listening to right now: commercials on da tv as i answer this long ass questionnaire hahaha

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: hahaha i had to think about dis one but yah i have actually haha he was my gr 8 class mate n i like to think semi friend back den at least haha. Oh w8 but he doesn't go by tom tho, it's just thomas haha

33. something that is getting on your nerves: myself hahaha my shitty lazy ass procrastinating self hahaha 😅🙍

34. most visited website: fb specifically messenger, youtube, and tumblr

35. hair colour: hmmm black w/ a bit of brown i guess (ASIAN, YO! 😆😂😆😂)

36. long or short hair: neither, medium i guess haha. I like how long hair looks but it's such a bother n hassle haha. So i def would prefer short hair on a practical standpoint hahaha (im actually thinking of shaving the hair above my nape, yknow on da back of my head hehe)

37. do you have a crush on someone: well i dont have dat much of a crush on da crush i mentioned before, like i said haha. I have a crush on tomdaya, does dat count? 😆😂

38. what do you like about yourself: hahahaha nothing 😆😂😆😂🙍

Naahh uhhh i guess i like how much i love tv shows, i love meh fangirl self, and i like how diff n unique n weird i am, how i stand out, n dat i think my dreams are noble n worth tryin out. N i like how supportive n nice i am n im just chill on da outside haha. N sometimes i like meh face hehe. And i think dat im hilarious n weird n ppl should appreciate me more hahaha das y i crave for more validation dan consulting researchers hahaha (no one laughs at dat jokes and it's like im da only one who finds it funny and come on, man, i managed to make a research joke. Cant ya give a girl a break?)

n i guess sometimes it's good how much i care but sometimes i wish my feels could just chill for just like a minute pls

Thanks, man. I usually just focus on meh bad qualities so thanks for dis question, man :')

oh and i like dat i can swim hehe

39. piercings: i have holes on my ears for earrings but i don't really wear dem

40. blood type: a, i think?

41. nickname: sam, sab, and i rlly want to be called smells cus it's like a more me version of mels from melody hahaha

42. relationship status: single, yo. Oh w8 but i am married to my bed and fandoms so dey always come first. Plus i love my friends 😍😊

43. zodiac: sagittarius i think but i dont rlly know/care about zodiac sht. Tho it's nice if it does match up hehe

44. pronouns: uhhh i dont know wat to put here but i assume dis refers to wat i wish to be referred by ssoooo she, her, and a genderless pronoun in my language siya

45. favourite tv show: ughh i cant choose. Friends, grey's anatomy, phineas and ferb, avatar: the last airbender, black mirror, doctor who, and all of michael schur's stuff, and modern family, grimm, person of interest, pushing daisies, scrubs, happy endings, forever, how i met your mother, gravity falls, sherlock, and yknow wat? Yah, supernatural too and the httyd shows and suits :') oooohhh w8 and how to get away w/ murder and i guess big bang theory as well 😃 the end of the fucking world, legends of tomorrow, crazy ex-girlfriend, the good place, timeless but it’s kinda depressing so speaking of w/c game of thrones and west world and a series of unfortunate events and stranger things and scorpion and lost in space and for anime, let’s go with yakitate japan and boku no hero academia

46. tattoos: none, but i rlly want one and even have a list of tattoos i want (pretty minimalist), i just have to think of da perf place tho (both where to put it and where to get it) and find out if i can still donate meh bod if i have tattoos, but one of da ones i rlly want is smileys on meh fingers hehe

47. right or left handed: right, but my ma says im kinda ambidextrous n i kinda wish i could develop it hehe

48. surgery: haha nope, never. But in terms of an interest, i love grey's anatomy 😆😂

50. sport: ooohh my main sport is swimming cus my siblings are all swimmers so i am too. But i have played other sports for school like badminton, table tennis, volleyball, some water game i dont remember haha, and a combat sport in my country called arnis

51. vacation: christmas vacay and i cant wait huhu

52. pair of trainers: uhhh are trainers rubber shoes? I have a couple, i guess.

GENERAL

53. eating: my dad (who cooked our meal), sis, and i ate afritada (chicken dat's tomatoey basically) for dinner

54. drinking: just water, but ugh i have to drink da hydrite sht again 😑😒

55. I’m about to: finish dis questionnaire n fall asleep haha

56. waiting for: sleep n happiness

57. want: to sleep n write n tumblr n watch n read n for all my problems to disappear

58. get married: yeahhh... but i think it's highly unlikely, man. So i aint counting on it but i do want it to happen, it seems nice having someone to spend da rest of your life with :')

59. career: hahaha i'm still just a college student, just a newly minted freshman actually. But i like to consider myself a fulltime fangirl hahaha

WHICH IS BETTER

60. hugs or kisses: well, i havent rlly made out with anyone yet so im gonna have to say hugs i guess w/c ofc i love haha but i wish someone bigger than me could cuddle me for once in my life 😢

61. lips or eyes: lips cus they just seem so soft and sensual hehe. Plus i dunno man, eyes are kinda gross with muta (da sht in da corner of ur eyes when you wake up, it's a filipino word) and sht. And ya have to wear glasses/contacts if dey weak so it's just such a hassle. Tho i do recognize their importance n stuff 😊

62. shorter or taller: ugh TALLER. im a pretty tall gal so for once id like to be da lil spoon for once, for someone to be able to carry me and ya know all dat jazz. But i wouldnt give up my height for anything, makes me feel confident and better than everyone else mwuehehehehehehe

63. older or younger: uuuhhh for now i think it's a bit weird to date someone younger dan me, but for me personally, wat age i'd like to be, YOUNGER ALL DA WAY. it was just way less stressful and innocent back den, id give anything to go back 🙍

64. nice arms or nice stomach: haha nice arms if it means i can swing around them and they can carry me whahaha. But i do like em abs, i wanna feel wat abs feel like just once in my life hahaha

65. hookup or relationship: ooohhh i guess i fancy myself having a relationship for now hehe. Havent even had one yet haha.

66. troublemaker or hesitant: i am a hesitant troublemaker whahahahaha. Like i have all these ideas of thangs to do n sometimes i do dem but sometimes da situation n context scares me into not doing it like a wuss hahaha

HAVE YOU EVER:

67. kissed a stranger: haha nope.

68. drank hard liquor: haha nope but am looking forward to it hehe

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: thankfully i havent needed any yet whew

70. turned someone down: uhhh i guess the closest i came to "turning someone down" was being awkward around my crush haha but to be fair i think he was awkward too hahaha. And in an unromantic sense, i turned down a blockmate who offered to be my partner in an assignment becus i already had a partner hahahaha 😅

71. sex on the first date: haha havent experienced it if das wat ur askin. Maybe imma be dat kinda person after ive had a couple of relationships but for now i'll settle for someone actually being interested in me hahaha

73. had your heart broken: yes, by tv shows, and by da crappiness of life in general 🙇

74. been arrested: hahahaha nope but dat would be CRAZY hahaha

75. cried when someone died: yes, whether in real life or in tv shows, i have cried bcus of death 😢

76. fallen for a friend: look, man, my best friend's probably the most important person in my life who i couldnt bear to lose. I love her more dan anything in da world so i dunno if our friendship is something more dan da "typical" best friends i just know dat i love her n dat i dont wanna lose her n dat our bond's nothing like any other relationship ive ever had

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

77. yourself: hahahaha not rlly 😅 im pretty unreliable tbh and i make tons of mistakes and ill never be enough ever and just in general hate myself and have 0 self esteem hahaha 😅😅😅😓

But there's a chance i could improve tho, a very very VERY small tiny chance... but i guess i'll take wat i can get :/

78. miracles: hhmmm not in da way most ppl think about miracles in dat, it's da impossible event. I like to think it's a miracle that i have the family dat i have, da friends dat i have, and da life dat i have cus honestly i think i'd be dead w/o em. It's a fucking miracle i have things im passionate about and things that i love and im surrounded by ppl who i love and who love me as well. So yeah, i guess i believe in those kinds of miracles :')

79. love at first sight: hahaha not rlly. Look, man, im a fat girl who doesnt rlly care dat much about looks so unless a person manages to fall for someone while dat someone was doing something dat was a huge indicator of their personality and thus it's not only da appearance dat da person "fell in love w/", den i rlly dont believe in love at first sight. It's just infatuation, bruh. Love at first sight is cheap and u dont rlly know any thing about dat person other than the fact that they're pretty (why they caught ur eye in da 1st place imo) and nothin, zilch. Unless, like i said, they were doing something important to dem n indicative of deir personality. But even then, it wouldnt be love. Like i said, it'd be infatuation cus imo love is deep and takes time and cant just HAPPEN just cus u looked at someone and thought he/she was pretty 😒. True love would mean knowing dat person to deir bone but wanting to know more about dem. So to conclude a ted talk from a bitter person w/ a non existent love life 😆😂😂😂, love at first sight doesnt exist, is cheap, and is discriminatory to "ugly" ppl.

80. santa claus: hahaha i know he probs doesnt exist and is u know basically just capitalism n marketing hahaha. But i dunno, man, i kinda wanna believe he exists just cus it's more fun n childlike n innocent 😍

81. kiss on the first date: hahaha yeah i guess so but i think i probs would have had to known dat person for a while before we decided to date. I havent had a first kiss yet sooo i aint just willin to give dat out to someone i just met/knew for like a day or something hahaha (i have no idea how dating works) 😆😂😆😂😆😂

82. angels: huh... i like to think guardian angels exist cus dat means there are like angels of pure light sent down from heaven to protect us from any harm w/c is just nice to think about, yknow? Hehe. But angels in da catholic sense... i dont think i do, bruh. Sorry :/ *shrugs*

OTHER:

84. eye colour: uuhhhh brown, i guess? Like i said, i dont rlly care much for eyes hahaha 😅 ooohh but da purple eyes thang ive seen on da internet sounds cool hahaha

85. favourite movie: aaaahhhhh there's just so many good movies thoo

But agghh fine. Ive come to notice dat my genre's pretty lighthearted w/c is nice actually hehe

Spider-Man: Homecoming, Rogue One, 10 Things I Hate About You, Moana, Coco, Mulan, Avengers: Infinity War, White Chicks cus it's just so goddamn funny and iconic 😆😂😆😂😍, i'm not- ok you know wat, da Pixar movies in general ok? I mean, how can ya not? Oh which reminds me, Tangled, and The Princess and The Frog, oohh The Avengers is also a pretty solid movie, ooohhh Love, Simon, godhs dat was just such a wholesome sweet n nice movie :'), oh and den i freaking love the Scream franchise, man. It's so good :'), oooohhh w8 maybe The Dark Knight cus heath ledger was just da fuking bomb in dat movie, oohh and About Time's da sweetest time travel movie :') w/c reminds me dat the Back to the Future franchise was just such a classic, man :') oh and yknow wat? Unbreakable's actually pretty fucking cool, man. I get shyamalan know haha. Oh and yknow wat? 100 Tula Para Kay Stella is da 1st filipino film i actually liked so it has a special place in meh heart :')

ooohhh and Black Panther, man, gods how can one not bring up Da King™? WAKANDA FOREVER :') 😄

Oh and hey yknow wat? I have a sweet spot for the Sorcerer's Apprentice. It's kinda a guilty pleasure of mine hehe 😅

Whiicchh reminds me... the HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON FRANCHISE HAS GOT MY HART WHIPPED 😭😭😭

Oh and i also rlly like when harry met sally hihi :') and i guess the OG Star Wars trilogy's got a special place in my heart even if it is da way dat it is now 😢 :')

oh and i can't forget meh guardians :') Guardians of The Galaxy is such a solid film, bro. I loved it :') ooohhh and yknow wat? I actually rlly like Ready Player One, Baby Driver, and The Mummy (the brendan frasier one, who ya kiddin 😑)

oh and yknow wat? The Wedding Singer, 50 First Dates, and Music & Lyrics has got a special place in my heart, man. Gotta admit it :')

aawww and amelie, and begin again, and flipped and hercules, and room, and spotlight, and shape of water, and ladybird, and the princess bride, and the iron giant, and the lobster, and we're the millers, and what if and man up and shrek and kimi no na wa and a quiet place and inception and the lion king and to all the boys I’ve loved before and oooh tim burton movies are pretty cool, the animated ones, and I did spend a good amount of time obsessed w/ dis one so I guess cap civil war, and then big hero 6 and wreck it ralph, and the martian and inside out, and gone girl, and the lion king and forrest gump and spider-man 1 and 2, and les miserables and the devil wears prada and the book of life and the intern and the princess diaries and miss congeniality and aladdin and confessions of a shopaholic

And ok, ok, i think im done. Hahaha das it das my list of meh all time fav movies and i feel like rewatching all of em now hahaha 😍