#my art fucking sucks i cringe whenever i even see it

[an-theduckin]

Why am I not good at anything I do :(

[theaveragepsychoticbitch]

My bestfriend asked for t4t with bottom Gyomei. And I only live to please her.

AMAB!Reader x AFAB!Gyomei || NSFW || Frotting, awkward first times, kinda crackish lol, and blowjobs(receiving)

The man before you, despite being large as an ox, was as skittish as a rabbit at the moment.

This was by far the most holy foreplay you've ever done. Sitting on your knees, facing each other, with enough room for someone holy in the middle despite your nakedness.

You'd been trying to court this man for weeks, but now that you're here, you aren't quite sure where to take this. He was, in many ways, far different than anyone you've ever been with. He was unusually quiet, and his teary, sightless stare was starting to unnerve you. His hands remained clasped as though in prayer, which made you feel a bit awkward. And not to mention the fact he had several feet on you height wise.

Just as the silence started to make you rethink your decisions, he speaks up.

"I must confess something, [Name]."

You turn your head to meet his gaze, the sudden suspense making your heart rate spike.

"I am... conflicted. Without doubt, I desire you. I wish to bring you pleasure, tonight. But..."

But? You haven't known Gyomei long, but from what you've seen he isn't the type to hesitate long or often. You sit up a little straighter, almost leaning forward in anticipation as the silence drags out.

"...I am inexperienced, in the art of intimacy."

You blink, all your anxiety gone in a poof. All this build up to tell you he's a virgin?

"Oh. Is that all?" You cringe as you say it. That was a bit insensitive.

However, your easy acceptance seems to soothe him some. "Yes. I do hope that won't be a problem for you."

"Not at all. Would it help if I took the lead?"

His smile is warm and sweet, almost out of place for the situation. You can't help but mirror it as he says, "Yes."

He removes his beads from his hands, setting then gently to the side. His hands lie flat on his thighs, and you watch as he takes a deep breath in.... and slowly lets it out.

"I'm ready whenever you are, [Name]."

You huff amusedly at his wording. He said it as though you were about to spar, rather than fuck.

Your hands are small compared to every part of him. There's so much to see and feel, and as you slowly drag your hands up his thighs and across his torso, you try to both see and feel everything. He sucks in a breath when you brush his nipple. You note that, excited to come back to it later.

For now though, you roam. You can feel him relax as he gets used to your touch. You begin to add kisses into the mix– across his chest, his shoulders, up his neck. You anchor yourself to the back of his neck and sit in his lap, laying kiss after soft kiss upon his face.

He's blushing, bright enough that you can see it clearly even in the darkness. It's likely due to the borderline romantic kisses you were giving him. Or maybe he could feel your cock hardening against his stomach with every little content sigh you drew from him.

You can feel him shifting, and soon two large hands have captured your waist in a gentle hold. Theres a shyness to his touch, one you can feel melt slowly into confidence when you kiss his ears, biting the tip teasingly and licking the shell.

"[Name]..."

"Yes?" You're sucking hickies into his neck now. He twitches hard in what you figure is surprise after the first, then tilts his head to further expose his neck to you. "Will you kiss me on my lips?"

You smile into his skin. What a polite request.

"As much as you want me to." One hand slides down his chest and you struggle to not snicker; his heart is beating so fast you could probably hear it if you were quiet enough. What an unexpected cutie pie.

Gyomei's lips meet yours in the middle. They're big like the rest of him, and plush as pillows. They meld to yours perfectly, and are quick to part when you prod them with your tongue. Remnants of dinner can still be tasted on his tongue, along with something deeper, more unique to him. You can't quite describe what it's like, but it makes you feel like you could sit and kiss this man forever.

After not long enough has passed, you force yourself to come up for air. His grip on you tightens immediately and you feel yourself twitch, both of your stomachs now sticky with pre.

He tries to follow you as you pull back. His crying seems to have intensified, the tears now flowing steadily down his cheeks and dripping into your lap.

A crybaby... A man of his status, with his life experience, crying because you stopped kissing him... If he's this dramatic now, his cries later...

A shiver runs up your back at the thought.

"Lay down."

Quick to obey, too. Gods, his expression was so sweet, so open and ready for anything you say.

Laying like this, a sliver of starlight cast his face in a pale glow. The red of his cheeks, the wetness on his lips that were still slightly parted as he panted, even his tears, that now flowed in several directions down his face.

Now, you sit between his legs. They're monstrous, of course. Thick and muscled and sure to crush you if he's one to leg-lock, but you came into this willing to risk that. Before you, his cunt oozes arousal at a steady pace. His clit is visibly throbbing, protruding from beneath its hood almost eagerly.

You weren't by any means small, now. But you had to wonder if the size difference would affect your performance. Would you be able to fold him? Flipping was definitely out of the question. Hell, would you even be able to fuck him as deep as you promised all those days ago?

A change in the air makes you realize you'd been silent for a while now. Gyomei's moved to lean on his forearms, a questioning expression on his face.

"Is everything... to your liking?"

Shitttttt.

It hits you now that he's been blind since birth. He's never even seen himself, and is relying on your judgement. He's trusting you deeply right now, and you're fucking it up.

"Yes, of course, I was just thinking." Well, no shit Sherlock.

He's silent at that. How did you manage to make things worse? There's no salvaging this, you should just go home now-

"Will you describe it to me?"

And just like that, you're snatched from the pits of self pity and placed directly under the metaphorical light of what must be God.

His deep voice was barely a whisper, but his words reverberate across your skin, and echo in your soul. You can fix this. And it wouldn't even be hard, because Gyomei is-

"Beautiful."

Even his breathing quiets when you start to speak.

"Your skin is soft and tan, and your scars are like artwork on the perfect canvas." You lean over him, dragging your hands across his body, stopping only one to finally, blessedly, grope at his tit.

"Despite the hardships that gave you them, they're soft beneath my lips." You kiss him. And then you kiss his scars, every single one in sight.

"You're quite muscular, though I'm sure I don't have to tell you that." You chuckle, but his expression doesn't so much as falter. He's hooked on your every word.

You squeeze his pec, and he inhales sharply. You pinch his nipple, and it knocks all the air from his chest.

"Your chest is soft, almost like a woman's. Your nipples are pink and round, and even long before this, I was enticed by them." Now, you use both hands on him. You twirl his peaks in little circles almost absentmindedly. You pinch one, testing the waters, and are met with his first true moan of the night.

His body jerks a little bit at the pleasure. His head is thrown back, and he sinks till he's fully back on the futon. For a fleeting moment, you're squeezed tight between his thighs, but you wouldn't want to leave if you could. You're rougher with him from then on, and for a while, you just enjoy the pretty sounds he makes as you abuse his chest.

"Does that feel good, Gyomei?" You almost don't recognize your own voice. It's low and sultry, your tone so obviously knowing it'd be offensive in any other situation.

"Yes." His words are accompanied by a whimper as you lick his nipple, applying only teasing amounts of pressure.

"How good does it feel, baby?"

You take it fully into your mouth this time, sucking and biting and making him cry.

You didn't even realize you'd begun to grind against him. He'd pulled his legs back of his own accord, and now his fat pussy lips hugged your cock perfectly, soaking you so thoroughly in his arousal you slid easily against him.

You knew for sure you'd bumped his clit when he yelped, back arching as one hand left his leg to tear at the covers.

You need to tell him. Tell him how sexy he looks like this. How slotting against him was numbing your brain, how the only thing you could hear were his melodic moans. Could he feel your cock twitch when he arched into you just now? What about how hard you were staring at him, at all of him? From the enchanting way pleasure painted itself across his features to the way his hole clenched and leaked everytime you called him beautiful.

You did tell him, all of this and more. Whispered directly into his ear between feverish kisses, not stopping even when they became to much for him to bare all at once. He feels so good in your hands. You tell him that, too.

It ends up being too much for him. He trembles, mouth open wide in a silent scream as he cums on your cock, wetting you, himself, and the sheets. A few minutes pass, and he collapses in your arms.

Loud, heavy breathing is all you hear from him as you caress his skin. You're gentle on the sensitive areas for now. But you can't deny the mischievous joy you get from watching such a stoic man whine every time you flick his clit.

"You looked beautiful just now too." You smirk, laying your head on his chest.

"Please..." He sounds like he meant to come off as exasperated, but was too far gone to do so.

"I can let up on the poetry, but only if you stop looking like it." You wink, and you're pretty sure that if he was anyone else, you would've gotten kicked out.

He sighs instead, and you laugh. Then, his hand clasps your face as though you were someone dear, and you're pulled upwards into a kiss.

Then he flips you, to your surprise. Ever the gentle giant, the seconds you're in the air feel like floating, and you couldn't have landed softer if you'd been in control yourself.

He slides down your body, mimicking you as he drags his own hands down it much the way you did him.

However, he keeps going down, and as you catch the increasingly determined look on his face you realize what he plans to do.

"All my knowledge of this act comes from Tengen and his overly explicit stories... But I wish to please you in turn. I ask you guide me in this too."

You nod, too shocked to speak, then come to your senses and sputter out an "of course!"

You can feel your heart thundering in your chest as his lips press against the underside of your tip. He's got one hand on your thigh, and one on your waist. Thick fingers massage your skin as he kisses down your length, and you don't hesitate to moan loud in encouragement. It feels good, and when his tongue reaches your balls and licks a stripe all the way back up, you make a mental note to kiss Tengen on the lips when you see him. Him and his wives.

His tongue is large and it engulfs your cock like nothing. But he's surprisingly skillful at using it, applying pressure in spots that make your legs jerk and licking ever so lightly in places that have you seeing white.

This, combined with the frotting from earlier, you soon find yourself struggling to not fuck up and into his mouth. He can feel your hips, though. The battle to control yourself is waged right under his fingers, and he's nothing if not a peacekeeper.

His lips leave you with a pop! and you've never been so upset at gaining the ability to breath back.

"You can move, if you'd like. I can take it." He takes your hands in his, moving them to his hair. "I hear that it's enjoyable like this. Please, use me as you desire most."

The last sentence is spoken over your cock like a blessing. You think you're going to marry this man. You might have to, after hearing that.

You lace both hands through his short hair, giving an experimental tug and loving the grunt it pulls from him. You drop one hand to your cock, holding it steady as you slide smoothly past his lips. Once positioned, you plant one foot firm on the ground, lifting your hips slowly at first, and dropping them just as slow.

You set a pace, savoring the sounds his mouth makes as you fuck it, too far gone to be embarrassed by the ones you make. He's taking you so well that you can't help yourself anymore; you thrust deeper. And deeper, and deeper, faster and faster until you're fucking his throat in true. You can feel the muscles of his throat spasming around your cock, gripping you as though trying to keep you there. His tongue was at work too. He struggled to keep up, but his attempts to keep it pressed flat to the underside of your dick had your head spinning.

"Gyomei, hell, in-" You gasp as he groans, the vibrations testing your limits,"-or out? Quickly!"

He makes his decision by opening his mouth impossibly wider and taking you to the base. Lodged deep in his throat, you've no choice but to cum in it, and bless if it wasn't the most mind blowing orgasm you've had in years.

You see white, the world fading to nothing around you as you tremble, his hold the only thing keeping your hips in the air.

Now, it's your turn to suffer as he slowly pulls off of you. Maybe teasing him after wasn't the best thing to teach him on the first day. If you knew you'd be left like this earlier, you would have tread far more carefully.

You can barely find the strength to move, but you've got to see this. It takes all your effort, but it's worth it to watch as he thumbs away a portion of the saliva and precum that dripped down his chin. Despite his sightlessness, he stares at his now sticky thumb with what was no doubt surprise at his own actions.

He soon rises so that his head is under your chin, but you pull him in for a quick kiss, reminiscent of the one he gave you earlier.

When you pull away, more breathless than before, his blush is that of roses at the peak of spring.

"I can go longer, if you wish."

Yeah, you knew he could. You also knew you couldn't. You're half convinced he took your dick with him, and not even seeing it in its rightful place will fully convince you otherwise.

"I think... we'll continue this session...another night."

He smiles, then somehow manages to find another way to shock you tonight.

"It felt amazing.... your mouth on my chest, and everything after."

You blink. There's no way he's answering your love-drunk question from earlier, right?

But he is, and he's dead serious about it too. Beautiful, funny... marriage material if you've ever seen it.

"I'm glad. You did amazing too, Gyomei." He seems a bit lost for words at first, but a small smile graces his lips. You kiss him, taking away the need for anymore talking.

"Do you truly mean it? That you wish to do this again?"

You might die if he gets anymore adorable. But you're quick to respond, because you weren't blessed with hashira stamina, and sleep has been calling your name rather insistently for a minute now.

"Of course. As long as you wish to as well."

You're gone long before he gets the chance to speak back. And when you wake up, he's fast asleep too, still sticky, still naked, and still smiling.

----------

A/N: if this is ooc no it's not I'm literally Koyoharu Gotouge. Now enjoy. And everybody say thanks to bestie for finally getting me to post!!!

[commander-gloryforge]

hm (kinda a rant/vent/i just wanna get things off my chest and actually TALK about whats been bothering me)

so. theres this person that has kind of been the cause of my recent mental lows/imposter syndrome getting worse/fear of connecting to people and general distance from literally every community i enter. i think ive ranted about them before. theyre a writer and in a community i used to be active in, and in the beginning i got along pretty well with them because we both enjoyed similar themes and metaphors in our writing but they ended up kind of dropping me, coincidentally at the same time they gave my actual writing/current wip a shot, and ever since then theyve been sub posting about me in really weird and elitist ways and it kind of had ruined my spirit, especially considering that i did really look up to them as a writer since theyre very into actual technicalities, writing theory, they speak about writing very academically. their odd vague posting ended up seriously knocking down my confidence and ive been spiraling into this strange mindset ever since that i’m incredibly stupid/can never improve/am not a real or proper writer by virtue of the things i write. they talk highly about writing techniques and concepts every writer needs to know, very subtly punch down at those who dont seem to know, yet dont care to make that knowledge easy to understand or accessible to obtain.

on top of that theyve been getting quite close with another new friend i made recently thats very dear to me and seeing them talk about things i cant seem to keep up with because i am too ‘stupid’ has just made me very anxious and brought up old feelings and fears that ive worked very hard on to let go off. this person is keeping me from interacting with a community i love because i cant seem to get ovr the fact that some people just dont like me, because im getting paranoid, because i think their every word is directed towards me, because theyre popular and well liked and everyone always agrees with them, even when what they say goes against what what i do and like.

it really sucks, its been bothering me so much, especially the fact that i cant just let it go. that i cant just ignore them and move on and do what i like without feeling like its wrong or cringe or weird. everytime i think im ready to go back i suddenly see them talking again with my friends that have offered me so much support whenever ive opened up about my struggles and now they suddenly agree and praise that person for having opinions that directly oppose me and the things they were so keen on supporting me on.

but recently i remembered something they said. they said that they dont want to be self indulgent in their writing, that ‘there’s nothing necessarily wrong with self indulgence but it reflects in the writings quality’, that you can ‘tell’ and they dont like that. when they first posted that i just read it and went. oh :( my writing is self indulgent :( does this reflect in my quality as well? is that why they dropped my writing and me, because i like being loud about self indulgence and cringe? and now i remembered that post, and suddenly it kind of clicked

this person very obviously does not write for the same reason as i do. they very obviously do not feel about writing thhe way i feel about it. they talk about it as though it is a science. like its something that needs to be perfected. now, it’s clear that they do love writing, that they have a passion for it, and their technical knowledge very much reflects on their art- and that impresses people. im not like that. i want to learn writing techniques and i want to improve my craft and i want to be taught, properly so, i obviously want to be a good writer, and im going to be a little self obsessed and say that i am a good writer, or at least not a bad one. but there is a difference in how each of us sees writing.

i want to be self indulgent. i want to write what i love. i fucking love writing and story telling and yes, the fact hat my writing is self indulgent does impact the quality of my work, because it makes it better. i am passionate about my worlds and stories and characters because its exactly what i want it to be and thats why is fucking good. because it makes me want to put effort in and learn how to get better. i dont write for a grade, i dont write to make something perfect and deep and meaningful and serious, i dont write to impress someone, i dont write to squeeze as many smart things and references to classic literature in as i can, i write because i want to fucking write what i like.

so im stupid. so im cringe and bad and insecure and a loser and i dont fit into the good writers club but at least what i write makes me happy. whatever. let some fucking whimsy into your life and stop treating me like im an idiot for having different motivations than you.

[srhe203]

Venting again sorry I know its cringe. Get ready to feel hardcore secondhand embarrassment

It genuinely does feel like nobody understands me. Every time I see posts about depression and schizophrenia they are so lame and gay and watered down. Am I just sick and twisted... sorry I cant accept myself for being a useless human being I dont understand how anybody could if they live like me.

Omfg Im an American and my dad has a job and loves me I should be more useful I should be making money I should be working. Why can I not be more useful to this society or more profitable... I cant even finish commissions because Im so depressed it makes me NAUSEOUS. Its not even caused by anything I'm just like this, thats what sucks even more. Theres no way to fix it through my own means. And doubly so I cant even force myself to get a job because I cant stand for more than 20 minutes without pain. I cant even stand for more than 5 minutes without getting uncomfortable. And I'm not smart enough or fast enough to work as a secretary or anything...

I think what sucks even more is I have friends who love me and want me to succeed, but I just feel like a leech. I feel like a liar and a cheat because I cant do anything and finishing things is hard. Oh god, why Cant I finish DAIL? Because my art sucks? So pathetic and weird. I can't afford to be like this. What do I do?? I cry every day because I am so useless, and unconfident, and yet so so so loved. This is such a stupid problem to have. It's so frustrating to be aware of a problem and still not be fixing it. How am I like this? How do I fix myself?

I am 21 years old and it's like I'm stuck in a pool and I keep grabbing at the edge and trying to pull myself out but my hands keep slipping on the edge. And my awesome friends grab me and pull me out but I just hop right back into the pool. Why do I keep doing that? It doesnt feel like *me*. It's so embarrassing, so cringe, so awkward. I have so many projects and dreams and I keep trying to make them happen but its like I'm hitting some sort of wall. But it's a wall made of cardboard. And whenever I try to punch the cardboard out of the way it doesnt budge. People take the cardboard and move it but then I try to walk through and the cardboard is suddenly there again. WHAT THE FUCK??????

[lebenspurpur]

hi ! may i request the sinclair brothers (or all slashers if u want lol) with an s/o who forces them to watch all the twilight movies 😼 please and thank u 😸

AN: I've only watched the first part (died of cringe whenever I attempted the other ones) so bear with my minimal knowledge

Warning: hinted NSFW in Bo's, pretty short, only did the Sinclairs hehe

Vincent Sinclair

So you forced him to watch a movie with you which doesn't happen very often. Vincent works a lot and when he does relax, you usually take him for walks so he sees the sun at least once a week.

Your legs are on his lap, he's comfortably snuggled up next to you and you turn on Twilight.

He's so into it.

I see Vincent as someone who loves gothic stuff, dark art, vampires, and all that stuff.

Therefore, he knows that Twilight is not a good movie really, but he loves the vibes and the cinematography so much.

He really, really wants to be team Jacob but he ends up being team Edward. You tease him for it and he throws a pillow after you. Which really loses its effect because he immediately asks if he hurt you after he does it.

However, Vincent is an awkward person when it comes to socialization. So, watching Bella scenes is pure horror for him. At some point, he's hiding his face in his hands, unable to take it anymore.

Don't be surprised when he makes the characters out of wax.

'Y/N don't look at me like that, they fit into this town.'

You could really say he's inspired.

Regardless, please watch better vampire movies with him. If he's this smitten while watching Twilight, he'll go insane when he'll see Bram Stoker's Dracula.

Bo Sinclair

The fuck is this.

He thought he was sitting down with you, relaxing to one of the sappy romance movies he sees on TV every evening just to seduce you in the middle of it so he doesn't have to watch any more of it.

But this? He didn't prepare for this.

Bo really hates it. He hates the cast, he hates the plot, he hates the romance, he hates that the movie's for teens.

However, he loses his shit whenever Bella does anything. Literally. He's sitting there wheezing whenever she's awkward (which is always), coughing from how hard he's laughing.

"God damn, this movie's a piece of shit."

After you're done watching he pretends to hate it but he keeps quoting it weeks after you two watched it. And he cracks up every time.

Bo also tells his brothers so now you have to watch it again with the whole family.

So yeah, watch more bad movies with him, he loves to make fun of them.

Lester Sinclair

"You sure this is the right movie?" "Aight, if you say so."

He's confused but he's trying to stay supportive.

It takes Lester a little while to realize that you know the movie sucks, and you want to watch it anyway. That lessens his confusion and now he even cracks jokes about the plot to make you laugh.

He's into the love story and rooting for Jacob.

And then really angered when Edward wins.

It's really funny to watch him get more and more into it and by the end of the movie he acts like he's watching a football game.

The acting doesn't bother him s much as it does his brothers. He thinks it makes it even more hilarious. I feel like he already watched movies with bad acting in his free time because he really doesn't care.

He's the only brother who wants to watch the other parts following the first one. He's also the only brother who voluntarily watches romance movies with you.

I see him as a pretty romantic person and I also think he'd get emotional at sad love movies.

[59writes]

THE DRAW (PART ONE)

(PART TWO)

if you’re reading this as like an actual fic: first of all I’m sorry. how did you end up here. it’s most definitely 2 am go to bed. this fic was literally made because of a fucking uquiz about “ what kpop boy are you enemies to lovers with”

second of all, ignore any chess mistakes. idk I know legit fuckall about chess, my brother just always bitches about it whenever I want to stop playing because I just have my king left or smth like that because I know I’ve lost. mf reads chess books.

like look: I UNDERSTAND the game and how it works, and the idea that you have to think ahead and plan. but I’m adhd as shit and there’s no such thing as time or planning. ergo, I suck. like I SUCK. I feel like if I applied myself I’d be great but fuck that. I’m a bad chess player and y’all gotta deal.

third: I mention League Of Legends at one point. I’m so cringe yes shut up ok but I’ve been special interest-ing League for several months now and I need to let you know that Josh, y/n, and Jeonghan play a mean jungler/adc/support combo (respectively). I have so many more headcanons typed in my draft or whatever but I know nobody wants to see it so

anyways pls enjoy this train wreck of a fic lol

If you had known playing chess would have led to this bullshit, you never would have started playing in the first place.

You wouldn’t have worked your ass off, wouldn’t have pored through strategy books and watched live-streamed games, wouldn’t have competed for months to become an official grandmaster. Absolutely not. None of that hard work and pride deserved to be wasted on Yoon Jeonghan.

Thanks to your exceptional academics and study habits, as well as your headlining pursuits in chess, private schools crawled to your front door and begged for you to give them money just so they could brag about having you as arm candy. You didn’t care. It was free scholarships, a chance to leave your tiny town, a chance to start anew with people just like you. If you were lucky, they wouldn’t know your fame status, or would be used to the junk by now. Some would probably be even more popular than you.

So you grabbed a paper, scribbled a signature on, and packed your bags.

You had picked an academy for the arts, as logic games apparently counted as one. They figured they could do something with your whimsical essay writing as well, submit you in scholastic contests. It didn’t matter. You were free, and there to play some goddamn chess.

They had a hardcore club there, meeting daily on weekdays and occasionally for casual play on the weekends. Everyone there was excellent, all clever players with quick logic and a competitive edge that you hadn’t seen in a while. It was refreshing, but still not enough of a challenge.

You swept the floor with your classmates, and rose to the top of the club’s rankings within a week.

Of course you lost games here and there, as everyone did, but for the most part any game you began was imbalanced from the beginning. Your opponent could at best only defend themselves, only able to pick off pawns or bait bishops that inevitably ended in a brutal checkmate.

You were top of the class, and for once it took some effort. You felt like you’d earned something, and you were actually interacting with serious chess players who wanted to learn, not fawn over your work. They played fair and every game was fun.

That was until the blond bitch came in.

He sauntered into the class about a month after you’d hit the top of the leaderboard, long blond hair tied back in a neat and slick ponytail. You barely noticed, immersed in a game with another boy, Joshua. You studied the board as your opponent looked up, grinning wildly.

“Jeonghan!” He called out, waving at the other boy.

Jeonghan’s ponytail whipped across his shoulder as he turned, matching Josh’s smile with a killer beam of his own and jogging over.

“‘Shua!” He chirped, playfully wrapping an arm around Joshua’s neck, strangling him while his other hand smooshed Josh’s hair around.

You watched them wrestle for a second before clearing your throat. “Josh, your move.”

“Aw shit.” Josh says, wrestling Jeonghan’s arm away from his shoulder. “Back to the ass kicking.”

You grin. “If you hadn’t made that dumb move literally third turn in-“

“Hey! We are NOT talking about that!”

You snort and glance at Jeonghan, who’s gone quiet, studying the board. He crouches down and whispers in Josh’s ear, both of them scanning the board. Josh finally nods, pushing one of his pawns forward.

“What was that about, Hong?” You ask, capturing said pawn with a neat L from your knight.

“Nothing.” He replies sweetly, while Jeonghan smirks.

“Sure it wasn’t.”

Josh doesn’t reply. The rest of the game is tensely quiet, interrupted only by Jeonghan murmuring into Joshua’s ear every few minutes, a devil on his shoulder.

But it was fine, you were ahead by a few pieces, your bishops slowly inching towards a checkmate. The next move was it, the game in the bag.

And then your queen is gone.

Jeonghan takes the liberty of removing it from the board with a proud smile while Joshua cackles.

The game doesn’t last much longer, soon the both of you down to just pawns and your king, and then just the kings. A draw.

And let’s be honest here: Joshua kinda sucks at chess.

Josh counted it as a victory, though, hitting Jeonghan with a high five that echoed around the classroom like a firecracker. The boys talked briefly while you set up the board again for the next duo and packed your bag, ready to head to your dorm for a much-needed nap.

You wave to Joshua and turn to go, only making it a few steps before someone grabs your wrist. You whip around, ready to tell them off, only to be met with Jeonghan interrupting whatever swear you were about to say with a sharp smile.

“I’m playing you on Monday.”

He lets go of your wrist and turns around, resuming his talk with Josh as if nothing happened.

Rubbing your wrists ruefully, you headed home.

•••

Of course, his bullshit didn’t stop there.

You did, in fact, play him on Monday. He had you cornered within five minutes.

The next time, in four.

He gathered a crowd a few games in. Every time you’d meet his gaze he’d smirk, eyes brimming with some sort of superiority that made you furious, always endlessly cool and calm. He’d flick his hair over his shoulder every so often, even stopping to talk to spectators while you puzzled over the board, trying to hide your stress.

You were second place by Wednesday.

•••

“You cheated.”

Jeonghan just raises a brow.

“Put the rook back.” You growl, firm.

“Sorry?” He ignores your request, instead poking at one of your previously captured pawns he has resting on the table next to him. “Can you move? I’ve almost got checkmate.”

“My rook, Yoon.” You hold out your hand. “Give it back, or put it back yourself. H6.”

“I really don’t know what you’re talking about. Do you resign? If we were using a timer you’d have been disqualified sometime last week.”

It’s taking every ounce of self control to not slap the living shit out of the smug bastard. “Jeonghan, if you don’t-“

“How’s the game going here?” The chess club leader had made her way to your table, grinning widely upon seeing her favorite students.

Jeonghan smiles kindly at her while you curl in on yourself, trying not to explode. “It’s fine, Ms. Lee. Almost done with this one.”

“Are you missing a piece? Looks like the black rook-“

“Must have fallen off the table.” Jeonghan chirps, ducking under the table and returning with the piece in hand. He sets it with the rest of his captured black army, sending a thumbs up at Ms. Lee. “Thanks for noticing, we don’t need to lose any more pieces.” It’s an innocent sentence, but it makes you turn a boiling red. Lose a piece, my ass.

“Well played, both of you.” She replies, patting Jeonghan on the head fondly before walking off. The blond rolls his eyes, ducking his head so Ms. Lee can’t see.

“Jeonghan, you asshole.” You hiss as soon as Ms. Lee is out of earshot. “I saw you take it out of your pocket, you lying-“

“If you’re not moving, I’m going to.” Jeonghan replies, moving his bishop forward to capture your queen. “Checkmate. Good game.”

You can only gape as he grabs your hand to shake it and walks off, approaching Joshua.

That was when you really knew you hated him.

•••

You studied his games from then on, partially to learn, partially to gather evidence. If he was cheating this consistently with other players, you could definitely get him kicked out of the club and subsequently your life once competition season started, as well as learn and potentially steal his strategies.

Infuriatingly, though, every single game he played besides the hellish ones with you were completely fair. No pieces being slipped into his thin hands when nobody was looking, no clock taps that discreetly took a few seconds from his opponent’s timer. Even with Josh, who he was best buddies with: not even a joking steal or a prank of any kind.

It was just with you.

Every single game you played together, he managed to do something to piss you off, if not blatantly cheat. If it was one of the days you had spectators, his harassment would come in the form of heavy looks and obnoxious “I’m waiting”-esque moves: tapping his nails on the desk, raising a brow, checking his watch.

And if you were alone, you basically had to glue your pieces down to the board to stop them from slipping their way into his pockets. It was obvious when he did it, too, always sending you a smile, too innocent.

It was infuriatingly adorable how proud he was of his nasty behavior. And he was focused too: none of his other opponents got the thought and effort he put into outwitting you and attempting to steal things without you noticing. As much as you hated him, you had to admire it.

Which is why it was so hard to finally draw a line and refuse to play with him anymore.

Though he shrugged when you put your foot down, his dark eyes watched you the rest of that club session. Every time you caught him, he held your gaze for a moment before looking away and resuming cheerfully animated conversation with his opponent.

God, how was he so easily likeable?

He respected your decision, though, and didn’t even attempt to talk to you. It was genuinely polar and strange, and it made you lost in thought as the months passed.

You almost missed the absence of anger, as stupid as it was. School had always been boring and simple, and chess with Jeonghan was the only thing to have made you frustrated in a long time, to have truly challenged you in a long time.

Even when you buckled down on trying to get him out of your head, he seemed to follow- being friends with Joshua (and honestly most of the other club members) almost always devolved into chats about the club and “why aren’t you playing Jeonghan anymore?”. Josh often suggested playing video games with the two of them, and you had to refuse (although playing League with Josh was so fun).

It was lonely.

Stupid Jeonghan.

•••

Finally, tournament season started.

Following (what was apparently) club tradition, the entire team dyed their hair between practices. You settled with a simple streak of blue that was stolen from Josh (he went completely teal, the madman).

The next day, Jeonghan came to practice with his blond ponytail gone, replaced by a dark brown undercut, hair bluntly chopped to end around his jaw.

Unfortunately, it suited him.

He saved a blond spot for a bit of Josh’s blue, however, and Josh dyed it for him in the middle of the clubroom, laughing the whole time. They’d planned it, clearly, as you were pretty sure Josh didn’t just carry around dye in his backpack.

Which means he knew you two would match when he did your hair.

It was confirmed by an apologetic shrug when you cornered him while he threw away the dye-stained gloves.

“Give him a chance, please y/n?”

“Hong Jisoo. You know how I feel about that dumbass-“

“y/n-“

“Why are you so insistent on having us talk again? He’s a two-faced-“

“y/n, you’d like him. He’s funny, and genuinely nice. I don’t know why he was acting like that with you, but that was almost three months ago. Give him a chance.”

“You should be glad I like you, you stupid fucking rat.”

Josh laughs as you walk away, fuming.

Unfortunately, you did like that stupid fucking rat, and so when he offered dinner after an out-of-state tournament (he pinky swore he’d pay) you finally gave in.

Jeonghan coming?

lol yea

that ok?

not rlly

I’ll give him a chance tho

:D thank u

you owe me

I’m buying ur food :(

josh we r literally getting fast food

you owe me

lol k >:)

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

hey! so, i've been a huge fan of your writing for a while now. you always offer me so much inspiration within your stories, i absolutely love your ability bring life to all the characters and settings you write about. and idk if you're still accepting requests for your otp mix n' match challenge, nor if you'd even consider doing this request haha, but- could i perhaps request 15 & 11? i am super interested in potentially seeing what your take on my personal otp would be! much love either way

Hi, this has been in my drafts for like.... forever. Since April or May, I think? Oh boy. My apologies, I completely forgot about it until I stumbled across it today. But hey, better now than never, I suppose. Also thank you for your kinds words! I truly appreciate it! :D

“Louis and Mitch pretend to date to make others jealous but you know what happens.”

Read on AO3

This is a joke. 

This is a joke and he’s the butt of it. 

How did the fuck did he end up here?

Mitch knows this has to be a joke because Louis did not go through this much effort for it to not be a joke.

The remaining fries on the plate have gone cold, mushy beneath the squirt of bright cheddar cheese. Walter’s Diner has the best fries in this hellhole of a town, and usually, they’re the first thing he chows down before finishing his burger or even touching his shake. 

Fuck. Fucking hell. 

It’s hard to concentrate on and enjoy his food with Louis’ arm behind his neck, hand casually resting over Mitch’s shoulder as he and Violet argue whether they should order a basket of donut holes or four slices of peach pie for dessert. 

“They’re stuffed,” Violet says, pointing at the menu, reading, “‘Our bite-sized delights are baked to perfection, stuffed with our delicious cream cheese filling, and tossed in a heavenly mixture of cinnamon and sugar.’ And you’re telling me that doesn’t sound good?”

 “And you’re telling me that a slice of Walter’s famous peach pie doesn’t make your mouth water?” Louis sighs. “I’m salivating just thinking about it.”

Violet wrinkles her nose. 

“Peach pie sucks.”

“You suck.” 

“You suck.”

“C’mon guys,” Aasim butts in, eyes rolling in that exasperated way he gets whenever Louis and Violet do this. “Donuts suck, pie sucks, and you both suck. Let’s order ice cream.”

With a hand pressed against his chest, Louis lets out his fakest, most dramatic gasp. Next comes the obnoxious- and probably offensive- British accent.

“Why, my dear Mitch, Violet, did you hear what this lickspittle just said to us?”

Violet’s last tater tot goes flying as a response, bouncing off Aasim’s nose. 

“Are you serious?” Aasim snatches the tater tot back up, throwing it at Louis. 

“Hey! Rude!” Louis laughs, his arm slipping out from behind Mitch to try and catch the tot. “What did I do?”

Without a thought, Mitch grabs the offending tot and tosses it back at Aasim, who catches it and lets it drop onto his plate. 

“Knock it off, guys,” he says. “It shouldn’t take this long to decide on a dessert. I vote pie.” 

That makes Louis smile.

“Ah, a man after my own heart,” he sighs, shifting closer against Mitch’s side- Jesus Christ almighty- and pressing quick kiss against his cheek. 

Fuck everything. Fuck, fuck-

This causes Mitch to suck in a breath, only to cover it up by coughing into his sleeve. God, his face is going to melt off, especially if Louis keeps looking at him like that. 

“That’s not a surprise,” Violet rolls her eyes, ignoring the kiss and Mitch’s coughing fit. “He sucks, too.” 

“Can’t we just agree that we all suck?” Louis says. 

“Can’t you ever shut your pie hole?” 

“Can’t we all just order different desserts?” Aasim pleads, finger jabbing at the menu on the table to emphasize his point. 

Louis and Violet look at one another, puzzled as if that idea never occurred to them. At this point, Mitch didn’t even care about dessert, didn’t really even want any. 

Louis shifts and there’s the warm, distracting press of his knee against his and Mitch has never been so tense in his entire life. 

He's too fucking close. Too close. Too close. And he kissed him. On the cheek, sure, but fucking hell-

Never has he felt such tension in his body, even when something obnoxiously embarrassing passes his father’s mouth, or when Willy’s fingers slip from the branches of whatever tree he’s climbing and he almost plummets to the ground. 

He doesn’t know what’s worse: the fact that Aasim won’t stop gawking at them every time they do anything, or that Louis is fucking comfortable doing the things that make Aasim gawk in the first place. 

This whole thing is nothing but a cruel joke that Mitch was stupid enough to take the bait for.

And for what? A promise of Louis buying him lunch every day for a month? Was a free meal every day worth this level of anxiety and... gross feelings? 

“Fine,” says Violet. “I’ll eat a whole basket myself, but don’t any of you dare eyeball them. You had your chance.”

“I won’t eyeball your donuts if you don’t eyeball my pie.” 

“I won’t because pie sucks.”

“You suck!” 

“Oh my god,” Aasim abruptly twists around, desperately tapping on the shoulder of a now startled waitress. “Two slices of peach pie, a basket of donuts holes, and an ice cream cone to go. Please. I want to go home.” 

The waitress stares at him, baffled, before nodding and getting away from their table as quickly as possible. 

Louis chuckles, arm slipping back behind Mitch as he says, “I think she likes you.”

“Shut up!” Aasim frowns. “I swear to god...”

Louis continues to laugh, but he steals a glance at Mitch. Something softens and it’s... Mitch doesn’t know what the fuck it is. Ever since they started this, sometimes Louis will look at him like that.

From what he can tell, Louis doesn’t even look at the girl like that, and she’s the entire reason they’re doing this. 

That girl- what the fuck’s her name? He couldn’t have possibly tuned Louis out every time he mentions her- the redhead from his art class or whatever. She’s the one who started this bullshit.

About a month ago, Louis wrote him a note detailing, “I need your help. Meet me by the school entrance during lunch? It’s important,” while they’re in the middle of a pop quiz. As if Mitch didn’t have enough to worry about with all the damn fractions scattering the quiz, but then he was left worry about what the hell Louis needed his help with. 

Also, he did this without Mr. Garcia noticing. How the fuck that’s possible is beyond him. If they were caught, both of their quizzes would’ve been ripped to shreds. Mitch didn’t need that shit right now.

Then, the entrance was barely in sight by the time Louis snuck up on him, grabbed his arm, and proceeded to drag him outside and across the parking lot so they could hop into the safety of Mitch’s hand-me-down truck despite Mitch’s protests. He hadn’t cleaned his truck of its fast-food wrappers or loose sheets of forgotten homework in weeks, and that left him worried that the air freshener didn’t work. 

Finally, Louis managed to explain this so-called plan of his to Mitch with a straight face, not cracking once. He actually sounds serious enough that Mitch might’ve believed him if this bullshit wasn’t so... so bullshit.

“I really like her,” Louis had said, “and Violet said this kind of thing could get her attention.” 

Of course, Mitch didn’t agree so easily because the plan was- nd still is- stupid.

“You think pretending to date me is gonna get her attention?” he scoffed. “I’m not fucking doing this. Ask Vi.”

“I can’t ask Vi. She doesn’t date dudes and I’m pretty sure Brody would, like, break me in half or something.”

“Fine, Aasim then.” 

“C’mon, you know Aasim would never.” 

“Well,” Mitch threw his hands up. “I would never! Find someone else because I’m not gonna be your fake boyfriend so that you can make what’s-her-nut jealous!”

Jokes on him- Mitch’s been Louis’ fake boyfriend for weeks now because he hasn’t wooed what’s-her-nut yet. Which wasn’t that the whole point? They just pretend while she’s around? Not when they’re alone or when hanging out with Violet and Aasim? 

Louis said it was to make it as real as possible, just in case what’s-her-nut found out. That doesn’t explain why Louis is the way he is when it’s just the two of them. Doesn’t explain the kiss on the cheek. 

Mitch eats a cold fry, cringing at the taste. He can feel Violet looking at him while Louis goes on about something that happened in choir. When Mitch meets her eye, she smirks, raising a knowing brow. Mitch gives her a light kick under the table. 

When the waitress finally brings them their dessert in separate bags, she doesn’t stick around long and avoids eye contact with Aasim. 

“Hey, Vi,” Louis leans over her shoulder as they’re leaving the diner, “Can I have a donut hole?”

“I will stab you, your boyfriend, and your pie.”

“Hey, not my pie!” Louis grabs Mitch’s hand, knocking his shoulder into his. “Or my Mitch!” 

Fucking hell. 

Mitch doesn’t know how much longer he can handle this. 

[tsumusamu]

asks :D

sorry i took so long to answer these! i just put them in one post so i wouldn't spam too much

Um I read both your series recently and I just wanted to tell you omg I love them so much I couldn’t put down my phone I got so invested into it and if it’s not a bother if you could add me to the tag list for Amorentia and Call you mine🥺💜👉👈

of course! it’s not a bother! i’m happy to hear you’re enjoying the series! <3

hello, i just want to ask if you have any haikyuu fic recommendations (preferably abt bokuto or atsumu)? Or know any other acct/s that write them? im currently on a fic hunt and i just want some writing that’s as good as yours 🤧

hi there! honestly i havent read many haikyuu fics as of late but alkhale on ao3 is probably my favorite author of all time. they have explicit fics but their rated t fics are just as good. i admire them so much!!

I LOVE UR WRTING omgosh am looking forward to the next part of call you mine SO MUCH u have no idea !!! heheh take ur time will be patiently waitinggg <3 take care!!!

i’m so happy you like my writing it means so much! you take care as well ok <3

My emotions went everywhere!! can you add me to the Call you mine taglist please?😆

Of course!

Omg omg omg I really enjoyed the most recent chapter of ‘call you mine’!! I know you were stressed about writing/publishing it but GIRLL IT WAS AMAZING AND HEART-WRENCHING - and it was a great read! Keep up the awesome work, and I’m looking forward to seeing reader and Atsumu’s interactions in the future like UGH MY HEART. PLEASE, YOU LOVE BLINDED IDIOTS. Take care, lovely!! <3 stay healthy and get some good many hours of sleep! :)) 

GLAD THAT YOU ENJOYED IT!! yes i dont think it was my best work but i will do my best to keep writing in the future! they are such idiots that i felt myself cringing so hard while writing LOL </3 i will take care of myself and i hope you do too!!!

can I be tagged in the next update of Call you mine? 

yes!

you are such a talented writer and i just love “call you mine”. i saw that you apologised for making part 4 12k words long, but honestly write as much as you want to bc we all need as much of this series as we can get. (btw i saw that you said you don’t know when you’ll post the next update, but i kid you not when i say that i’ll check your blog daily to see if you’ve posted another part of the series and to check our your other content as well 🤭) 

YES HAHA sorry i do get really long winded sometimes hence the huge chapter that i posted a few weeks ago LOL the last chapter will be even longer so prepare for that....... sorry abt my inconsistency that i cant tell you when i’ll update next but thank you for being so patient and supportive!!

could i be added in the taglist of both atsumu fics 🥺

yup!

i am speed

and would love to be added to your general taglist whenever you update any of your fics!! thanks🤍

of course! <3

can i be tagged for the call you mine 🥺 

yes i’ll tag you :)

i’m in love with the hogwarts haikyuu au! i think it’s an amazing idea that needs more stories

ME TOO ANY HOGWARTS AU HAS ME GOING INSANE I THINK IT’S ONE OF THE MOST ENTERTAINING AUS TO BOTH READ AND WRITE. i will definitely be writing more hogwarts haikyuu in the future!!

i forgot to add to that last post that what you’re writing is wonderful and amazing and can’t wait for part 4!

thank you so much for your support!

call you mine is such a masterpiece, you’re such an amazing fucking writer (like the plot and everything???? GENIUS) and i can’t wait for the next update sndnkejdh 

AHHH ANON thank you im so happy that you liked call you mine uiefdiasifua im currently working on the update rn thanks for being patient!!

Hi i was the ao3 reader who discovered you and wanted to drop by and say i am sooo excited to read your latest chapter!!! i also wanted to say I love LOVE major love your hogwarts au fic! idk if you know james potter but you probably do seeing as you made an au but atsumu reminds me soo much of young james potter!! i read some fics of james potter and i find him and atsumu so alike in a a way i would love if you could do more takes on your hogwartsau!!! i could send you the links if you want!!

OMGJOIJAI I hadnt even thought of it that way?? now that you mention it james and atsumu in my story do seem to have some similarities but i hope i didnt make atsumu too much of a dickhead D: i will definitely be writing more for hogwarts haikyuu!

can i mayhap get added to your general taglist? your writing is AMAZING, never fails to send me into the stratosphere from how good it is.

sure thing! i’m happy you’re enjoying my work thank you for your message <3 pls dont stay too long in the stratosphere though it’s kinda hard to breathe up there LOL

hiii!!! can you please add me to call you mine taglist?? 

for sure!

IM SO EXCITED FOR PART 5 OF CALL U MINE AHHHHHHHHH

I HOPE IT WILL LIVE UP TO YOUR EXPECTATIONS!!

Hello!!! Can I please be added to the Amortentia and Call you Mine taglist please? ❤️❤️ I think about them all the time, Atsumu brain rot for life!

Also super hyped for your upcoming Osamu fic! You’re amazing, I hope you’re not too stressed! Stay hydrated and get enough sleep you wonderful human being ✨✨✨❤️❤️

YES OF COURSE U CAN AND ATSUMU BRAINROT FOR ME 24/7 AS WELL. i hope i’ll be able to finish that osamu fic soon aaa thank you for being patient <3 please take care of yourself as well!

Will ch.5 be the last chapter of Call You Mine?

yes!

i just wanna say 'call you mine' is 10/10. your writing? *french kiss* i love how you go into detail - we see both atsumu's reader p.o.v - it gives depth to the characters! it's so realistic too. reader's hesitance is very valid - like how can you be sure of atsumu's feeling, when he's getting his dick wet everyday LOL! thank you for writing this, i am enjoying it so much! <3

HDSUUFHASUHF ANON PLS AHHH IM SO HAPPY THAT UR ENJOYING IT and also atsumu will get his dick wet one last time in the final part... u will see ;)

HELLO AMORTENTIA AND CALL YOU MINE ARE SO NICE im gonna cry my favorite tropes + one of them is a hogwarts!au + your writing 🥺❤️

HELLO HELLO THANK U FOR READING MY WORK!!!

i can’t wait for part 5 of call you mine. this series of yours is literally so GENIUS

i really hope that it will be satisfying!! thank you for your kind message!

I wanted to say that your writing is absolutely perfect. The way you capture these characters I’m truly speechless, and each chpt it just gets better and better 😭😭💛 could I ask to be added to the call you mine taglist? Truly, thank you for ur amazing writing !!!! 😭

AHHHH IM LITERALLY BLUSHING... THANK YOU FOR THE COMPLIMENTS IM T___T yes of course you can be added to the taglist and thank you for reading my work!

ALSO YOUR TAKE ON TSUMU IS GOLDEN. IT IS CLASS. PERFECTION. GRACE. I CANT EVEN EXPLAIN. Anywayz CATCH ME CRYING OVER CALL YOU MINE TSUMU AND Y/N 🥲😭💛

PLS ATSUMU IS MY FAVORITE CHARACTER I ABSOLUTELY LOVE WRITING MY TAKE ON HIM. IM HAPPY TO HEAR THAT YOURE ENJOYING THIS TSUMU. AND YES... CALL YOU MINE TSUMU AND Y/N LITERALLY DRIVE ME CRAZY THEY R SO DUMB BUT I CRY WHILE WRITING THEM

Hi there! I love your Call You Mine atsumu x reader fic so much, it’s so well written! Would it be possible for me to be added to the taglist please?

thank you! and yes you can be added!

hi, just caught up with call you mine! i know this might be an odd comment on it but i'm currently going through a similar situation with my best friend as reader is (gray area, we haven't talked in a while) and reading both of their perspectives really brought me comfort. anyway thank you for writing it :)

ooo wow :O i really hope the situation you’re in gets resolved soon im wishing you good luck!! im happy that my writing was able to give you comfort <3 thank you for reading and supporting my writing!

your video edits are just *chefs kiss* my friends and I have been laughing at them for days in our gc and have even inspired memes of our own 😅 hope to see more them, they’re too good istg sending you love from three art school kids from Europe 🥺💕✨

??!#())(!@ OMG HAHAHA i would love to see some of the memes you guys came up with LOL sending love right back at you <3

hi love !! can i be added your gen tag list if you have one?

yes, i’ll add you!

Hello! Sorry for the bother but I’m suck a HUGE fan of your smau! And I’m talking about “Call You Mine” it’s so good and depressing...but that isn’t the point! I know you are busy with something else but I would like to ask if it’s be alright if I made a small fic about that story? If not, that is completely fine and understandable!

Thank you for your time and cya next time!!

yup yup that series comes with an angst tag for a reason! you’re not being a bother don’t worry! i would prefer for no fics to be made based off of the story, i’m sorry :( but thank you for asking!

I just discovered your blog and I love your writing so much.

I was wondering if I could be added to the tag list for call you mine with atsumu x reader? This story hurts me so much and it's written so well.

Thank you and have a nice day 🧡

hi! thank you for supporting my writing! yes you can be added to the taglist and im sorry it hurts </333 hope you have a nice day too bb

When do you think the next part of amortentia will be up? It’s my favorite series 😫 (no rush though!!!!)

hmmm im really not sure unfortunately :(

Sorry to bother, but I literally went through every part of Call you Mine just now AND I LOVE EVERY BIT OF IT. Oh my goodness it hurts how much I love it. The friendship and the unspoken love for each other that leads to a long yearning for each other is literally my fanfic bread and butter. ITS SO DARN GOOD and I felt like I needed to tell you that. Anyways, I hope you are having an amazing week, you’re taking care of yourself, you’re safe and healthy! Thank you for what you do! 🤗

IM SO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT YOU LOVE IT. GENUINELY. KNOWING THAT PEOPLE ARE ENJOYING MY WORK MAKES ME SMILE SO BIG. THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME YOUR THOUGHTS. please take care yourself as well, and thank you for your ask!

Hi! I recently saw your atsumu x reader fic on ao3 (Call you mine) and I haven't read it yet but I've seen others talk about it on tumblr so I was wondering if I could be added to a tag list for that fic (if you have one ofc). Feel free to ignore this ask if you don't have one or it's full!

yes i can add you the taglist! i hope you’ll enjoy the fic whenever you decide to read it! <3

[tylerwritez]

Goddamn it I am such a total loser, I'm like the stereotype of a nerd and I'm not even good at that. I'm so painfully uncool. So painfully cringe. I'm ugly and cringe and I laugh when its not funny and I trip over my words because I don't know how to talk to people because I suck at social interaction. The things I pride myself as being good at, like art,... I'm actually bad at those things. I'm painfully stupid. I'm ugly and fat and short and I'll literally never look good no matter what I do so why am I even trying? I'm trying to make myself feel okay because if my face is not covered by my hair somewhat I feel so self conscious... like I swear I'm the ugliest motherfucker on the fucking planet...

On top of that I'm like a fucking nerd like this guy I like teases me about it BUT ITS TRUE!!!! and I'm not really a nerd in a cool way I'm a nerd in a way that's like cringe and terrible and unbearably annoying to listen to, nOT THAT I EVEN TALK MUCH ANWYAYS SINCE I CANT SOCIALLY INTERACT...

You guys, the dude at the comic shop knows me and one of them STOPPED ME 2 GIVE ME A FREE HORROR COMIC (it was like free comic day) you gUYS I GO THERE SO OFTEN THEY RECOGNIZE ME AND KNOW MY TASTE IM GONNA DIE... MY FRIENDS KINDA TEASED ME A BIT AND LIKE... I WISH I WAS COOLER MAN I DO BUT ITS LIKE IM NOT MEANT TO BE!!! all the stuff I like isnt "cool" at all. I like "bad" music, I like "childish" anime, I like "lame" comics and I draw "gross" art... ITS WHATEVER. I'm not meant to be cool!!!

I kinda would like 2 be friends w that guy he really did seem 2 know what he was talking about but it's not like you can just chitchat and try to make friends while someone is working their job 😭

... maybe I need more friends in general I have like 3 real good ones right now but none of em go to my school and sometimes they're busy and then I dont have no one to hang out with xD

When school starts I'm gonna do my best to be more extroverted... I get very anxious in social situations with people I dont know very well like I cant even ask the McDonalds lady for a sweet n sour sauce, so its hard for me to make friends at school... a lot of the times I will be in a class and there wont even be one person who has anything in common with me and its disappointing when that happens haha.

Then because at school I have like no friends and am basically totally isolated, whenever anyone there shows me like, basic kindness, I get very excited about it... i get all worked up thinking "omg maybe this person wants to be my friend!!! Maybe i made a new friend!!!" When all they did was ask if I was okay when I cut myself with a knife in foods class by accident LMAO yes true story that happened...

I dont NEED friends at school, it's just nice to have and it makes the whole school thing a lot easier 4 me.

Anwyays I guess I'm just gonna try to be confident, kind, and outgoing. I'm gonna say hi and introduce myself to people. If it gets awkward, at least I tried, right? Eventually i might manage to actually become the confident person i try to be.

Because I'm actually kinda a nervous wreck...

Since I broke up with my ex it would be really weird for me to still be friends with her friends even tho we are TECHNICALLY STILL FRIENDS,... like it would just be weird because we dont talk much at all, drifted apart I guess... and stepping out of a relationship you start to see things that were sorta wrong with it that you couldnt see while you were IN that relationship. Not saying she was bad or toxic, but some things were questionable yknow? That's just how it is.

Anyways, because of that and because I have all new classes, I need to make FRIENDS!!! I'm tired of feeling like the only person who cares and wants to talk to me is the fucking history teacher who wants to debate communism... man I liked him, I hope I get him next year again, even if I dont agree with him, he was a cool dude and idk I think I had fun in that class and hes the sorta teacher that makes you WANT to do well to impress him.

But like, you see the problem there, right? I need friends and I just... I NEED MORE CONFIDENCE!!! I always feel like the other kids are just so much cooler and better and smarter than I am... it's kinda alienating XD like everyone else is on some other level, we got different humour and all,...

I think I just gotta accept everything about me that's cringey and try to make friends as my real self.

Goddamn, wish me luck in around 3 weeks ish cos I WANT FRIENDS AT MY NEW(ISH) SCHOOL !!!!

[uncloseted]

How Can I Care Less About My Image Like Effy? Less About Impressing Others And More About Just Doing What I Like Without Letting Them Influence Me?

Anonymous said:

So I have some problems with my confidence. I can be confident at times but it lasts for a very short time and I begin analysing every part of myself and find new insecurities. Sometimes it makes me feel really disgusting so any advice?? Thank you for this blog btw

Anonymous said:

Even though there are people who like me I feel like I'm not a likeable person because I'm insecure and this gets in the way of me socialising, having fun and having good relationships with people. How do I stop feeling this way?

Anonymous said:

last night i had the worst breakdown i’ve had in foreve about how ugly i was, every single detail about myself was so prominent and i’ve fallen so deep down this hole where i couldn’t hate myself more. i’m so unattractive andthat’s the only thing that people give a fuck about , relatives, friends, family, employers, it’s consumed my life. sometimes i’ll look in the mirror and like what i see &for that fleeting moment i’m so fucking happy you can’t imagine but then i go back to seeing the truth

Anonymous said:

I hate myself. How do I mask my insecurities and make people think I'm confident and make it look like don't care about what they think?

Anonymous said:

how can i appear more confident?

Anonymous said:

how do i deal with fear of being judged? I'm always so scared that people I've known for a long time will remember embarrassing things I've done and still laugh at me for it

Anonymous said:

I'm so insecure because I care so much what people think, its so bad that I don't even want to leave my house. When I go out with all my friends, almost all of them get complimented somehow and I never do, it might sound selfish or something but it really brings down my self esteem, I start feeling like I'm invisible or that people only hang out with me because they feel bad for me, and it makes me want to stop being social/getting out of the house, etc.

Anonymous said:

I sometimes hate my face so much and I feel so insecure and it's the worst feeling :( I hope I like the way I look one day but it seems so hard.

Anonymous said:

I can’t be confident with myself, I’m a huge ppl pleaser bc it feels like is the only way to keep them around, and I guess that’s ok but what frustrastes me the most is the fact that ppl don’t see me or my personality, it’s like I’m just there to help them out, to be their side kick... whenever I try to be confident I cringe at myself... How can I feel more secure with myself?

More than any other question, the thing I get asked most is how to build self-confidence, overcome insecurities, and deal with the fear of being judged.  In this post, I’m going to put every tip and trick I know about becoming confident, no matter who you are and the situation you’re in.

The first thing to remember about confidence is that people aren’t drawn to people because they’re beautiful, or smart, or kind, or fun, or interesting.  People are drawn to people who are confident.  If you’re confident and weird, you’re not weird, you’re a visionary.  If you’re confident and ugly, you’re not ugly, you’re “unconventionally beautiful” or a trendsetter.  If you’re confident and overly serious, you’re not boring, you’re a leader.  A lot of people think it’s the other way around- that only beautiful, smart, charming people who are well-liked can be confident- but it’s not true.  To use a Skins example, Tony’s not a good person.  He’s manipulative and cruel.  But people like him (at least in the beginning) and go along with what he says because he’s confident.  The same goes for Katie.  You can argue about whether she’s objectively the most attractive girl in the group, but she acts confident in herself and in her appearance, and it works. Lots of guys are attracted to her.  So that’s the first thing- don’t focus on changing yourself (physically or emotionally) in the hopes that you’ll be more confident.  Instead, focus on changing your mindset to that of a confident person.  It will make a huge difference. 

Of course, that’s all easier said than done, and the process of building self confidence can take a while.  In the meantime, while you’re on the journey of actually becoming confident, one thing that can help is “faking it until you make it”.  When you’re going about your day, ask yourself, “how would a confident person who’s never experienced insecurity or anxiety handle this situation”?  Then do what a confident person would do.  If you have a really confident friend, it can help to imagine what they would do in a given situation and then do that.  Pretend everyone you meet already loves you and thinks you’re great.  Pretend like you think you’re great.  It will feel uncomfortable at first, but you’ll start getting used to it and the “confident” responses to things will start feeling normal.  One thing that can make this a little bit easier is to talk to yourself in the second person.  By saying things like “you’ve got this”, your brain will (sort of) feel like you’re receiving advice from somebody else, which is more motivating than getting advice from ourselves.

There are also some exercises you can use to build your self confidence on your own. Some of you have heard this one before, so bare with me, but the first thing I suggest is:  every morning, look at yourself in the mirror and say some things you like about yourself.  I know you probably feel like you can’t find any, but try.  Focus on those things that you like and try to only focus on those things.  Write them down, either physically (on a sticky note on your mirror, maybe) or in your phone.  Each day, try to add a new thing to the list.  When you’re out and about, remember those things that you like about yourself, focus on them, and try to draw attention to them.  When other people compliment you, add those to your list as well.  I think eventually by recognizing all of the things that you like about yourself, you’ll be able to feel like there are things about you that you can be confident in, and you won’t focus so much on the things that you feel are negative.  These don’t have to just be things that are physical.  You should include things you like about your personality as well.

I mentioned this trick the other day, but I want to put it here as well.  A lot of people who are insecure use deprecating humor to cope and as a bid to get other people to like them.  But I think that can be really emotionally damaging.  Like Hannah Gadsby said in Nanette, “I have built a career out of self-deprecating humor, and I don’t want to do that anymore..do you understand what self-deprecation means when it comes from somebody who already exists in the margins? It’s not humility. It’s humiliation. I put myself down in order to speak, in order to seek permission to speak, and I simply will not do that anymore, not to myself or anybody who identifies with me.”  Self-deprecation impacts our self-esteem, and it impacts the way people around us view us.  The more times we say something, even as a joke, the more we start to believe it, and the more the people around us start to believe it.  So instead, make fun of yourself by pretending you’re really, really cocky.  If you trip and fall, instead of saying, “I’m such a disaster”, replace it with “I’m the epitome of grace and beauty”.  If you make a piece of art and you think it sucks, say, “Obviously I’m the next Di Vinci/Michelangelo/whatever.”  If you say something dumb, instead of saying, “I’m so stupid,” say, “I’m clearly the next Einstein.”  You still get to make a joke and diffuse any awkwardness the situation has, but you also get practice saying nice things about yourself.  And eventually, you’ll get so used to saying nice things about yourself as a joke that it won’t feel so weird to say those things about yourself in a serious way, too.

For those people who feel insecure about things they did in their past, try and think of something embarrassing one of your friends has done.  Can you think of anything?  The vast majority of people remember their own embarrassing moments really vividly, but don’t remember things other people have done at all.  Reminding yourself that you’re probably the only one who remembers or cares about the mistake you made can help you let go.  The mistakes you’ve made in the past are learning experiences that you’ve grown from and changed from, and the fact that you’re embarrassed by them is a good thing.  It means that you’re not that person anymore- that you’ve become someone better.  I think that’s something to celebrate instead of something to cringe at.  It can also help to talk to yourself as if you were a friend who’s remembering an embarrassing moment. Would you tell them how embarrassing that moment was and how much they suck?  Probably not.  You’d be nice to them and tell them things will be okay.  Talk to yourself like you would a friend.

The fact that people aren’t paying attention to what you’re doing doesn’t just apply to cringey things you did in your past.  People are unlikely to remember that one time you tried a new hairstyle or wore an unusual piece of clothing.  They’re unlikely to remember that one time you asked someone out and they rejected you.  So many of the social pressures we feel can be remedied by remembering that most people are way too worried about what they’re doing and how they appear to the world to care about what you’re doing. 

One more piece of advice- stop comparing yourself to other people.  The old adage, “comparison is the thief of joy” is totally, scientifically proven to be true.  Comparing ourselves to other people (or to TV shows, movies, characters in books, etc) makes us much less happy because we’re comparing everything we know about ourselves, good and bad, with a curated version of this person.  We don’t see them when they wake up in the morning with crusty eyes and frizzy hair, or when they have the flu, or when they’re overwhelmed and anxious and lashing out at the people around them.  But the truth is that everyone, even the people you think have perfect lives that you see on social media, are just people.  They have bad habits and negative traits and days where they’re not at their best, just like the rest of us.  If you really want to start being confident, one of the best things you can do for yourself is to mute or unfollow the people who make you feel insecure online, and replace them with people who inspire you- artists or activists or cute videos of animals, whatever works.  You’ll never be able to feel good about yourself if you’re constantly tracking all the ways in which you feel you don’t measure up.  But you will if you’re constantly seeing all the ways in which you do.

Last thing. Basic life care stuff, like good posture, exercising, eating well, sleeping well, meditating, and just generally practicing self-care and taking care of yourself can improve your confidence as well.  If you’re not starting on a strong foundation, it’s hard to build anything that will last.  But if your foundation is solid, all of the things you do to build your self-confidence on top of that will be, too.

[littlebabycrybtch]

bro..... im sooo tired of ppl being whiny freaks about ppl liking fictional shit ‘~too much~’. like bitches are literally fully convinced if you prefer acting out certain ideas in fiction but not irl, thats not your normal preferential boundaries but rather your brain is a mental illness BOMB and you need to be fucking hospitalized for being imaginative and having autonomy. like yall if its not taboo or smth shut uuuuhp man you’re not ‘concerned for their health’ or w/e you’re fully just tryna get away with being a nihilistic asshole who lacks sympathetic reasoning skills. listen to me. fiction is valuable. the thoughts we have on it are important. the personal lack of value you happen to put on a media is next to worthless. its not a fuckin waste of time dude, creators are people, who live in the real world, they experience it and have ideas through it and about it, they form and tweak their ideas while still definitely existing in the real world, and then put that back into the world with a new angle and new perspective, to share with other people definitely encountering it in , you guessed it , the real world. thats not disconnected. its not nothing. these things do not magically appear from fairytale land, they are created. stories mean smth, people tell them for a reason, its ok to feel smth for any story, why would we even tell them if not with the intention to impact others emotionally somehow i mean??? fiction does not Just affect reality, it is valuable to real life society, it is a functioning thriving part OF reality. 

humans have told stories since the dawn of our existence. it is literally all but an inherent species trait for us to imagine things, its tied to each and every one of us, and to reject ‘fantasy’ as smth worthless to human life is frankly just fuckin wrong and weird of you. bitch we are Supposed to get outside the box, the fandom ppl you cringe your pants over arent thinking abt fake shit too much, you guys very often just arent exercising abstract thought and imagination enough, which actually hurts your ability to engage with it critically in all the ways its meant to be. if you dont see the value in fiction its because you put in no effort to form the analysis skills. in other words, you idiots dont get the hype bc you’re too stupid to get how you're supposed to compare a book to the real world it came from. ‘uu but cmon not everythings valuable what about [tumblr designated cringe media]-’ 1. ok! somehow you havent come to this conclusion yourself yet but thats not real, whatever ppl get to enjoy is not all abt you, your bias means less than dirt to others outside of hivemind social medias, you can keep it to yourself, ppl shouldnt care about it bc it means nothing outside of ur own space, its literally funny to me that you’re so elitist you want me to cater my interests to you, Your Standard Of Quality Isnt Universal, 2. ranking the values of fiction is the waste of time here, if you compare mlp to pride and prejudice ill dissect your teeth, different emotional impacts from tragic to funny to Just A Vibe are all able to be assessed as ‘valuable to somebody else so leave well enough alone’ if you dont have 2010+ funnyman brainrot disease that makes you incapable of reflecting on anything you can find a way to joke abt first.

i mean seriously like. whenever randos start engaging with medias you ppl dont like or in ways you dont get, the strawmans yall make up to get to be cringe culture vultures abt such benign shit, and almost Always at the expense of neurodivergent people with a deeply rooted undertone of extreme ableism might i add..... its just so selfish. u have a brain ok, you’re manipulative but we both know you dont Actually think ppl automatically default to being a waifu obsessed incel rotting away at their basement computer, stagnating their social skills and straying further and further from reality with each passing day, a poor disturbed wretch that you just HAVE to save from themselves, all bc they say they. prefer fictional porn or w/e to having sex irl. buddy thats not a big deal, theyre normal, just different from you. theyre fine, you’re just uncomfortable. as a functioning adult you’re gonna have to try and recognize that sometimes that feelings gonna be 100% on you, and you cant always just lie abt the validity of it to make ppl feel obligated into agreeing with you. this is gonna be one fragment of their personhood and your self obsessed brain imploding over how unrelatable that is doesnt fucking matter, grow up bitch like. how detached do you have to be to think thats so unstable or morally wrong.... its just a completely inconsequential preferential decision that only affects them and isnt a wrong choice at all cuz nobody has to get their dick wet if they dont wanna for any reason ever and thats gotta be that tbh.... and it kills me cuz they still inherently experience the real world and are capable of thinking abt it critically,,, even tho they... masturbate to drawings or w/e the fuck ppl think is unhealthy ???? like? imagination is just fun we dont need to moderate it anymore than we moderate other fun activities i mean lol ksdjfsd this is the DEFINITION of ‘just vibing’ no one FUCKING cares and it deosnt fucking matter the way you desperately try to make ppl think it does just so u get to be loud abt ur shortcomings as a decent understanding person. 

‘uuuuuu im sorry but thats unhealthy :///’ you sound like a goddamn maniac dude stories are not unhealthy having feelings abt them is not unhealthy thinking some anime bitch that was DRAWN TO BE HOT , IS HOT, is not UNHEALTHY and you clowns arent convincing anybody you ‘care’ abt that concept anyways !! im losign my mind here skdlsdfsd medias are literally DESIGNED TO DO THIS TO PEOPLE... WE’RE SUPPOSED TO FEEL THINGS FOR IT.... IT IS WHAT MAKES THE ART WE’VE TAKEN PART IN FOR CENTURIES, “ART”.... ITS JUST... HAVING IDEAS AND EXPERIENCING IMAGINATION..... whats wildly unhealthy actually is yalls toxic obsession with ‘harsh truth’ and validating your stupid ass cwinge feewings to the point where everything that gives your underdeveloped selfish ass hives has to be a matter of health and morals and whats ‘best’ for everyone. u dont know that shit!!!! ur a petty brat and im not ur mommy ok i wont baby you so u dont feel like the shitty whiny person you are, you need to grow and do better and think outside urself already, dont put the responsibility of making u feel right for judging somebodies benign hobbies on me. i wont bc its wrong and unnecessary. you’re not a savior no ones falling for that lmao you’re just a bitch girl xoxo get over it shit truly does not matter. let them write nsfw self insert fics instead of banging !! 

to make it real do yall really not Get that basic consent kinda doesnt just mean ‘no when im not in the mood at the time’ but it means ‘no if i just dont fuckin feel like having sex ever for literally any reason at all bc i choose what i do’ and pressuring them, even with what your warped brain translates as the best of intentions, is inherently disgusting? especially with the ‘i know how to help you’ attitude like......... ohhh die soonly ew lmao! lay off this nasty shit already please it doesnt matter! stop trying to make it matter!! its not hurting you or them you stupid tumblr phd ass!! and like again yeah some media shits just truly gross but tbr now its like even That kind of shit, the Real social issues caused by Actually problematic media that ppl should discuss Genuinely without ulterior motives, is being used more and more rampantly as just a stepping stone to get to the needless mockery of other harmless things in the media they want an excuse to bag on.......... like a bitch cant just be grown and talk about problems at face value without getting a bully jab in. smhhhhh you all fuckin suck please just stop talking already. so anyways yeah being attracted to fictional characters instead of real people or w/e IS funny, funny how many boyfriends they have when u have none xoxo theyre having fun and you can die sad abt it they get to die 5 times in an angsty fantasy fic and be brought back with mouth to mouth by fuckin kakashi every time and then they go get lunch irl while ur updating tinder bitch ... different fucking strokes ig !

[petitrenard]

George V

Juliette sat in the back of the towncar and could barely contain her excitement - she had finished her last interview! She grabbed a photo of front of the building, posted it to Instagram with the caption fin. and took a long, satisfying breath. Very French. Very done. She looked at her phone. 8:30 p.m.

“Back to the George V?”

“Yes. Please and thank you.”

The last 6 weeks on tour had been a blur of promotion and the next 48 hours in Paris had been the carrot Juliette desperately needed to get her through. It was her first time here and she wanted to see everything, but first she wanted to sit in the Hammam at the George V spa.

She was lost in thought when her phone vibrated. It was an Instagram message notification.

Hey Jules! It’s Ethan, Doug’s old roommate. I saw you’re in Paris. Been living here for 2 years. If you need a tour guide or want to catch a drink let me know! Would love to see you. Juliette smiled broadly and as her car pulled up in front of her hotel she took a moment to drink in this message.

Ethan was her older brother’s roommate from college. She first met him when they moved Doug into his dorm at the University of Michigan. She was a geeky high school junior carrying boxes of ramen arguing with her mom when Ethan walked in with his parents. She had a serious crush on him from the moment she laid eyes on him.

Ethan and Doug stayed friends and roommates throughout college and although the two weren’t living in the same city, they were still friendly and chatted frequently. Now here he was...hunky Ethan...texting HER...about getting a drink...in Paris. It was more than high school her could have ever imagined. She made a mental note to leave out the “hunky” when talking to him.

Juliette stopped at the front desk to confirm her appointment before heading up to her room. Once inside, she pulled out her phone to respond. Ethan, nice to hear from you. Would love to meet up. Tonight? Staying at the George V. Heading to spa shortly, back in room in about two hours. International cell service spotty, so insta is best - or hotel phone. Room 507.

When Juliette returned to her room 2 hours later she was blissfully relaxed...and super soft and smooth. She was so relaxed that she didn’t bother to change back into her clothes after her session, but instead opted to skulk the back stairs to her room in the oversized robe they offered her. She flopped on to her bed and casually picked up her phone. No messages.

It was 11:00 p.m. and Ethan “No Messages” wasn’t going to stop her good time. She had all of Paris before her, an in room bar and a 24 hour room service menu. Yes sir, I know how to have a good time. Good time is my middle name. Before she had left for the spa she placed an order for an American Cheeseburger and fries. She made the decision to eat the burger on her terrace...naked, like a glutton.

With the order placed, she turned on some music, opened the windows to the terrace and made herself a drink from the bar. Right as she was about to step on to the terrace, the doorbell rang. Juliette walked over to the door and opened it. It was Ethan.

“You’re not my cheeseburger.” she exclaimed.

Ethan laughed, “I’m sorry to disappoint you. I am not your cheeseburger.”

Juliette cringed a little bit. Yep. That’s Ethan. Great laugh, super hot and here you are J..in a fucking nana sized robe with no makeup on and your hair in a ponytail. All you’re missing is a box of ramen.

 She composed herself, “Ethan! What are you doing here at my room? I mean, not that I’m mad...I’m sorry, it’s been a long day. What’s up?”

“Well, I messaged you, but it didn’t go through. Then I tried to call you here, but the line was busy. I didn’t want you to think I was being flaky or standing you up, so...”

She looked at the hotel phone and it was off the hook. “Oh man, I left the phone off the hook after I ordered my cheeseburger. Of course. Please come in, I can get dressed and we can head down to the bar if you don’t mind waiting.”

“I do not mind waiting.” And with that he walked into Juliette’s hotel room. As he walked past her she reached out and hugged him a hello. He was wearing her favorite cologne, Tom Ford’s Vanilla Tobacco.

As she closed the door behind him the sound of a room service cart rumbled down the hallway. Just as she was about to close the door, the cart bumped the door slightly and left it ajar. A sweet looking younger man was on the other side of the cart. “Excuse me, excuse me.”

Juliette opened the door. Ethan turned around, smiled and said, “Your cheeseburger.”

“So it would seem.” she giggled.

The decision was made to order another cheeseburger and take their dinner on her terrace. They made fast work of the cheeseburgers and a bottle of whiskey. Ethan worked in finance and had spent the last two years helping his company establish their office in Paris. They laughed about Doug and talked about music and art and Juliette’s promotional tour.

It was a lovely evening and Juliette was thrilled that she didn’t have to change out of her nana robe. It had been a long day and this night had been just what she needed. They were sitting on the terrace in one of those lovely moments of space. When the conversation has a natural lull but it isn’t awkward. Juliette looked at Ethan and smiled. He pulled out two cigarettes, lit them at the same time and handed one to her.

She didn’t smoke on the regular, but that move was so smooth that there was no way she was turning down that cigarette. She took a long drag and said “I have a confession. I used to have such a crush on you when I was younger.”

“Really? I had no idea. You were always leaving the room whenever I came around.”

Juliette laughed. “Yeah, I had a real subtlety back then.” Ethan laughed too and she playfully reached across the table at him. “I left the room because you were a hot college guy and I was a 17 year old geek with braces and fluffy hair.”

Ethan smiled and nodded. “It was very fluffy.”

“It was the 90s. Perms were all the rage. I was excited to get your message and see you again.”

“Now that you’re a successful author and your hair seems to have de-fluffed you think you’ve got a shot?”

They both laughed really hard, “Yeah, that’s exactly what I was thinking. Sell 5 million books, fly to Paris, fuck Ethan.” Their laughing died down to a slightly more awkward silence. Juliette took another drag and looked at Ethan. He wasn’t smiling. He was staring at her.

“Ethan, I’m just being silly. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I didn’t sell 5 million books just to fuck you. I’m a really talented writer.”

With that Ethan smiled, “I know you are Jules. I wasn’t uncomfortable. I was just thinking about it.”

“My book?”

“No. About fucking you.”

Juliette’s heart skipped a beat. Suddenly she wished that she was wearing more than just the nana robe. She cursed that she hadn’t stopped at Agent Provacateur upon arrival. She put out the cigarette and stared at him while readjusting in her chair. When she did that her robe fell open revealing her thighs. Ethan didn’t try to look away. Her heart beat faster.

He got up from his chair, walked over to her and placed his hand on her soft, smooth thigh. Juliette wrapped her arm around his forearm and pressed her face against him. She kept her legs closed, but slid his hand deeper between her thighs until his wrist was touching her clit. She looked up at him, bit her bottom lip and started to gently use his hand to masturbate.

Ethan smiled. He bent down and kissed her neck, then her shoulders. He moved down to her breasts and licked and sucked on her nipples. Juliette arched her back as he did that and she rubbed herself more intently. Ethan took his cue and he grabbed both of her wrists with one hand while his other hand slid between her pussy lips.

He grabbed her lips and gently tugged on them so that Juliette would stand up. She stood up and followed him over to the bed. He sat her down on the edge of the bed, released her wrists from his hand and spread her legs wide. Ethan continued to make his way down her belly until he was face first with her pussy.

“It smells like vanilla.” he said.

“You sound surprised.”

“Not surprised. Excited.”

Juliette placed her legs over his shoulders and Ethan began to lick her pussy. She couldn’t believe how amazing it felt to have him between her legs. He ran his tongue all the way up and down her lips one last time and then he slipped his fingers into her waiting pussy.

He brought his face up to her and she pulled him close and licked his lips. Then she licked hers. “Not only do I smell like vanilla, I taste like it too.” Ethan took a deep breath and began to kiss her intensely. He was fingering her as he began to take his pants off.

He fumbled with his belt and it felt like he took forever, but once it was unbuckled Juliette’s hands took over and he stood over her. Kissing her face, fingering her pussy and loving every second.

Juliette drew immense satisfaction from how hard he was. She also felt her mouth water when she saw him naked. She pulled her face from his and whispered to him, “Please don’t just think about it, do it.” Ethan hesitated only long enough to pull the rest of her robe down, then he slid himself into her pussy.

She took him into her balls deep. He stayed deep inside of her and began pumping. He didn’t pull out very far, he just kept pushing deeper and deeper. Juliette’s nipples got really hard as she felt his balls slap against her ass. She put her hand around his shoulders, lifted herself up slightly and began grinding into him.

It only took a few moments for Juliette to be on the verge of cumming on him. He was rhythmic in his pumping and his mouth was tirelessly exploring the rest of her body.

“I’m going to get you sloppy with my cum Ethan. Is that ok?”

Ethan stopped fucking her for a moment, looked her in the eye and said, “Not only is it ok, I insist you cum on me.”

Juliette had been holding herself on the edge of her orgasm for a while and Ethan’s insistence pushed her over the edge. She grabbed two of his fingers and began sucking on them. Her back arched and she wrapped her legs around Ethan so that she could hold him on her while she came. Her legs were clasped tight around him until the moment she began to cum.

Ethan felt her pussy tighten and her legs weaken, but he pushed as deep as he could to keep her cumming. As soon as her pussy relaxed, so did her legs, and Ethan knew he had to cum too. He began pulling himself out of her until he was almost all the way out, then he slowly slid himself back in down to his balls.

Juliette’s pussy was warmed up and eager for his cum. She began wiggling her hips in a circular motion and sucking harder on his fingers.

“Fuck, Juliette. I’m going to cum.”

“Cum inside me.”

Ethan’s balls twitched and the thought of dropping a load inside of her was too tempting to not do. He took his fingers out of her mouth and with his thumb he began to rub Juliette’s clit. He picked up the pace of his fucking and Juliette groaned and spread her legs even wider. Ethan started to cum inside her and then he pulled himself out of her, stroked his cock and kept cumming all over her tits and face. Juliette groaned even harder and used her fingers to rub the cum on her nipples.

He looked at her and she was covered in his cum. She was now sucking and biting on the two fingers she had used to rub the cum on her nipples. Juliette smiled at him. Ethan laid down beside her - exhausted. They laid there for a few moments catching their breath.

Juliette turned to Ethan.

“I’m going to get up and take a shower before I go to bed. I am a very dirty girl and I’m going to need help to make sure that I’m very clean.” Ethan nodded at her. 

She smiled at him and walked towards the shower.

[warfear]

what is popping, home - slices?   if you’ve been in the group chat—then you are aware of my wee identity crisis :     involving the dropping of three, picking up of one.   don’t worry, they’ll be back!   whenever i feel alive again.   SO NEVER.   jk.   anyway…   in the meantime, with the exception of odette and julian—i offer you my trashiest child  (found in the dumpster behind burger king wrapped in tinfoil.   * australian accent *  think they were gonna throw her on the barbie…   huh?)   so, SEE BELOW for the 411 on this 4′11 gremlin.

INTRODUCTION.

☢     —     (  KATIE DOUGLAS, AGENDER, SHE/THEM  )     Trading in their tattoo gun for a chainsaw might not come easy for MINOO PEARCE. This twenty-two year old artist brings spray cans galore, divergent thinking, and a history of shoplifting to the table … but their small stature and double-dealing could drag the group down. And while their unorthodox nature might raise group morale, their arrogance might give them a few enemies. That’s the last thing anyone needs right now. Hopefully, in the apocalypse movie that’s now their life, this QUINCY PUNK will make it to the end credits.

BASICS.

born in boston, massachussets—or as i like to call it…   massachuchu—minoo is the first and only child of two garbage folk.   mitch & rachel pearce.   devout catholics.   patriotic.   all - american.   thoroughly unfit to be parents.   only in a sexy  “our daughter isn’t her own person but an extension of ourselves”  kinda way.   slammed like a ping pong ball between being invisible and controlled this one.

a military brat, too…   meaning that no place was permanent, and boston was ditched before she could take her first step.   she has lived in boise, in a small fishing town south of anchorage, and once her family spent six months in waipahu.   when she was thirteen her father got a permanent position in fort elms.   lucky she!

during the flashes of love and pampering  (see: no autonomy)  minoo was subjected to the cringe - worthy world of child pageantry.   we love it when mommy lives vicariously through us!   even if she aims for jonbenet ramsey…   ending up with honey boo boo instead.   don’t get it twisted, though—she was little miss texas during her prime  (age 8).   AND WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT THAT.   not unless you wanna get shanked   * stabby motions *   …   side note :     she still fits into her last puffy - armed dress.   we don’t talk about that either.

she eventually learned to put her foot down.   much to rachel’s horror.   sorry not sorry, darling.   minoo abandoned the gowns for band tees soon after.   not as much as a speck of rogue on this honey - pie these days, just some sick, sick raccoon eyes.   call it what it is…   punk rock.

minoo first found her greatest passions  (shoplifting and vandalism.   not necessarily in that order.)  when she was eleven years old.   she pocketed a strawberry scented hello kitty eraser from macy’s and she has not looked back since.   a habit which earned her a trip to boarding school.   catholic.   gag us with a spoon.   side note 2 :     she still fits into her middle school uniform, too.

all jokes—they’re not jokes—aside…   she is not completely hopeless.   in fact, she is a little miss smarty - pants.   minoo got a raging hard - on for classic literature  (jane austen, what’s good?)  and conceptual art  (richard hambleton, what’s good?).   not much of a writer but one hell of a graffiti artist—most of her work can be spotted around town.   some genuine, some dicks.   TALENT!   a good portion of her art can be found on mj herself, though.   stick ‘n pokes, babes—we love to see it. 

minoo is also a mother.   she has a son.   and he’s a really good boy.   almost bigger than she is now…   they grow up so fast, don’t they?   his name is rusty, and he’s the cutest saint bernard you ever did see.   her best friend.   her only friend, really.   intended to be a guard dog, my boy rusty flopped—onto the couch that is.   he is a certified couch potato, something minoo can relate to.   AND SHE LOVES HIM SO!   the only person she’d put before herself.   dog - person…   

once intended to get her license.   that opportunity was shot when she chose teenage rebellion over independence.   you see, mj here has got herself a rap sheet longer than herself.   (not that impressive all things considered.)   and she takes much pride in it.   which means that when daddy dearest tried to have her late teen mishaps expunged—she saw red.   psychological help, i’ll get her some.   now she’s twenty - two and destined to travel the world by skateboard…   all because she backed the family jeep into their neighbour’s backyard.   nobody was hurt, alright.   dare i say yet?

SPEED RUN!     got nancy spungen for a role model.   saving up to run off to sacramento.   hates authority yet somehow has an authority kink.   adhd embodied.   looks like the artwork of numerous kindergarteners.   thinks attention is love.   homeless by choice (nobody said she was smart…   except i did.)  could eat her weight in olives.   anarchist without a cause.   10/10 will break into your house.   took fuck the police too literally that one time.   fantasises about her dad’s suicide.   wants to be loved.   does not want to love.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

friend - o’s :    i think it goes without saying that minoo is a handful.   although i still think she should be allowed some buds.   whether through her MANY INTERESTS  (literature, art, punk rock, skating, large dogs, disappointing her parents…)  or just through circumstance.   she is twenty - two, and never made it to art school—*  that one vine vc *   way to go, paul mitch!—but she did go to fort elms high all four years.   someone’s bound to know her!   just give me some bitches to put up with her shit.   god bless america.

parental figure :    listen…   she needs this.   obviously!   just some OLD PERSON who doesn’t tell her that she stinks and that her tattoos are ugly.   she has a lifetime of trauma to make up for.   we need some rachel and mitch opposites to fix that shit, alright.   and stat!   she intends on being dead by twenty - seven.   cobain hasn’t even bit it yet, and still…   she’s so ahead of her time…

enemy slash victim :    she stinks.   (yes, this is her dad speaking.)   and is a complete fucking nuisance.   if she decides you suck then she wont settle for simply knowing herself—you also have to know.   really know…   it’s no fun hating somebody if they don’t know it, man.   just let her pull some cutesy pranks, you know?   ordering half a dozen pizzas to their house, leave their number in the x - rated section of blockbuster, graffiti an ugly portrait of their ugly face on their driveway, slash their tires…

and that’s it, fellas!   please love her…   or else…   :gun_emoji:

[maikatc]

Black Sun Tale | A Monochrome World

sorry for being a few minutes late! i took more time eating dinner than i expected, in all honesty. but this chapter is emotionally wild for me mainly because this chapter and the next chapter took 6 months to write out of the past year and a third i have been writing this. 

remember that this is a first draft with only minor edits, but enjoy! comments and reception are always heavily appreciated.

- 

He carried a bag of bread in his hands; his mouth stuffed up from slabbing some inside. As he strolled along an abandoned streetway, the evening sky darkened early with the Fall. 

A gentle breeze blew against his cold figure. Posters dawned over him without any movement, staring at his lonesome walk. ‘Open’ lights illuminated from store shops but flickered at every step. 

Ayu sighed from the cold silence. His eyes stared blankly at the ground while his feet made a pattern with his steps. 

He bit off of the bread in his mouth, chewing, “November 16th, 201X: It’s a Friday so Annette’s busy with a life. Everyone was at school so nobody really visited again.” 

He glanced back at what he carried, cringing. 

“I was… getting kinda hungry again.”

The only reply was a pigeon’s squawking. 

He was tempted to squawk back at it, but passed it off to not get attacked by one again.  

He changed his subject back. “What would it be like if I was still in school…?”

Maybe I’ll be as busy as Annette, “but wouldn’t that steal time for what I’m supposed to be doing,” he questioned. Might as well have that 1% chance of getting a monster anyways. 

He turned a street by routine. “I can stick to art or something… even if I suck… Same goes for monsters though so fuck.” He groaned, “Shouldn’t have asked in the first place.” 

He delved into another bite. His failures passed through his views. And after glimpsing the mistakes and mishaps, a single truth was formed from his choices. “Nobody notices that I’m gone… or exist so,” he wondered. Shrugging, “If I die or something, it wouldn’t matter.”

But the truth stopped Ayu’s steps while he chewed on his bread. He squinted his eyes against the truth. … Can everything just undo itself?

The boy whined, “Damnit, that’s actually a good thing.” He kicked a can. “But what if it just continues,” he asked a passing bird. 

It ignored him. 

His mouth lowered. He grumbled to the bird, “I’m not doing anything else, I guess. It’d still be my fault but… that’s just running away from the problem.”

He cringed at the thought. Then, he breathed in and out, tapping on an irritated ankle. “You really did start to bruise up, did you?” 

At least the mark on his face disappeared. 

A stifled laugh chimed in Ayu’s ears. “Very interesting. Reckoning about dying, I see?”

The boy’s entire mood transformed to irritation. Bored again, Akeldama?

Red eyes rolled in front of him. “You can say so. It’s just that you caught me by surprise.”

Ayu scoffed, “Of course, you go and read my mind…”

“How are you companions doing?”

“Everyone’s lives still suck.” He grabbed another bread roll from his bag. As he chewed, he questioned, “You’re the one who made Oliver like that, right?”

The answer took longer. “Now then… That’s more complicated, I suppose. But regardless, he was unintentional.” He chuckled, “Misfortune is a given for me after all.”

Ayu glared. “Then did your misfortune caused all of this?”

“No,” Akeldama answered, “that was from your naivety and folly-ness all the way from when you trusted me.”

He took a final turn, gritting his teeth as he growled, “Get out of my head.”

“Don’t worry, I will,” he purred. “Besides, you have a guest.”

Ayu entered the alley, mumbling with his bread, “A what? - Oh…” He gripped on his bread bag with hesitance, pausing on his next bite. 

Oliver sat beside the alley wall, seemingly waiting in patience by twirling his hair. His eyes shifted back to Ayu and blinked back at him. 

Ayu hid his bag despite Oliver’s eyes already on it.  He gnawed on his cheek. 

Oliver’s face flattened. “You know you could’ve just told me you wanted some food.”

Blinking around, Ayu shook his head and placed his half-eaten bread back in the bag. “You haven’t been here since last weekend.”

He sighed, “Fair point.”

“Besides, it’d be annoying to beg for food and water all the time, mainly since I would’ve been asking from a single person for some years.”

“But to the point of stealing?” Oliver gave a smirk. 

“First off,” Ayu retorted, “no offence but you’re the one saying this.”

Oliver scoffed. 

“Second,” Ayu raised a finger without thinking. “Yes, I feel bad for it either way but nobody even notices.” 

The opposed argued, “I try my best not to do what I have to, thank you very much.” He shuffled an item he hid with his coat. “That and you’re lucky now. I can give you food whenever.”

Ayu raised a brow. 

“Including this stuff.” Oliver carefully placed his items in the center between them: a jar of pineapple cubes and a small container of something Ayu couldn’t read. “You had a bruise… so I looked it up what could help.”

Ayu stared at the goods, surprised at the idea. 

“Luckily, I already had the aloe vera,” he swept away from his stare, “but I’m kinda hoping you can borrow it-.”

“Thank you.” Ayu touched back on his previous injury; it had already disappeared from the few days. “Thanks…”

“Oh,” Oliver pinched up. “You heal quick.” He tilted his head down, pulling the bangs of his hair back. 

“No, it’s fine,” Ayu blurted, “it can be good for… my ankles.”

“Your ankles?”

“Yeah, my ankles.” Ayu pointed down at his legs, focusing on his bruise marks. “I kick ‘em sometimes without thinking about it when I’m walking. But I’m just dumb with it.”

“Not so much dumb,” Oliver mumbled. “They don’t look well, now that you pointed it out.” He already began opening up the aloe-vera. 

“Ng- you don’t need to do that right now!” Ayu backed away from Oliver’s hands, glossy from the gel he scooped up in a mere second.  

The redhead leaned into a crawling position. “What do you mean? Your ankles are almost purple now that I can see it!” He grunted his last words as he grabbed a bruised wound with a pounce. He applied it in an instant; making Ayu’s spine run cold. 

Ayu hissed, “Shi- why does that feel so weird?” His ankle froze in place to resist the urge of kicking Oliver back. 

“It’s just cream, Ayu. And it’ll help you not have shitty health.” Oliver grabbed another handful for the other leg. “And don’t try to kick me out or something; I don’t wanna deal with an injury I don’t know how to hide yet.” 

“That sounds like something to worry about inste– seriously, how much do I need of this?”

“Just enough to make a nice solid shield with the aloe,” Oliver chuckled. 

Ayu cringed. “Stop. Please.” 

“Come on, it’s almost done.” Ayu groaned in discomfort; Oliver then let go and closed off the cap. “There, that was quick, wasn’t it?” 

Ayu huffed, “Shut up,” as he tossed his bread to the side and pulled up his hood. 

“This wasn’t even what I was here for,” Oliver stood up and pulled off Ayu’s hood immediately. “I talked with Alice and she said you can come with me this time.”

“You’re telling me this now?”

“Yeah and we’re going now,” the boy dragged off from the alley’s view. “I gave her a specific time and this just made us derail from it; she’s waiting.” 

Ayu scowled from Oliver’s behavior. Though, the concept of getting more answers still tugged over his will. He shook his head, setting himself to forget the previous two minutes that unfolded. “Alright,” he toned out, exiting from the alley and passing Oliver, “let’s get going.”

“Ayu?” He turned back to find Oliver pointing the opposite direction. “It’s this way.”

“… Damnit-”

***

“So, continuing on with our conversation-”

Oh god, Ayu groaned in his head.

“Did you say something?” Oliver turned with a confused face. 

“It’s nothing,” Ayu quickly brushed off. And Oliver walked on without a second breath after.

“I wonder, did I just see a command or-”

What do you want, Akeldama?

“Oh, not much,” he clicked, “But I’ve been meaning to ask: how do you think of your companions?”

Why would you want to know?

He giggled. “There can be a million reasons why, Ayu. You can never know what it could be with one’s feelings and words. Too contradictory.”

You have feelings? 

Akeldama never answered the question. 

“I want to know how you’re doing with your relationships. A simple thing of the heart.” 

Ayu sighed, Annette and Oliver are cool, that’s it.

“… What about Oliver, after what you’ve discovered?”

Ayu held his breath. I don’t want to answer. 

“Alright,” he calmly replied, “why don’t you then?”

I- I don’t know what to think of him.

“Ah, a flight of feeling I see-”

Why are you making me answer questions when you won’t give me any when I ask?

“Oh,” Akeldama replied. “So that’s what you want, huh? -”

Don’t make it a wish, I swear.

“Relax, I wouldn’t waste a wish like that.”

Good. You’re never useful with the wishes anyways. 

“So, you’re saying it wasn’t useful of me to save you from death?” Akeldama laughed at the question.

Depends on how you think about it- Arg! Ayu screamed inside. Can’t you just give me something to work with here? 

“… Something?”

Yes, something. 

A tinge of silence lurked as Akeldama’s reply disappeared. Until, “Well, I suppose I can give you something.”

Ayu blinked. Really?

Akeldama hummed a nod. “Now listen closely,” his cheeky tone began to linger. Though, Ayu focused more nevertheless. “Have you ever heard of demons?”

Ayu shook his head, a baffled face on him. What? What do you mean by that?

“No, no, no,” he repeated, “That’s all I’m giving you.”

Ayu scoffed with a stomp. You little fuck, that doesn’t solve anything! He would have continued though his stomp caught his own attention to worry about Oliver’s. 

However, Oliver continued to walk along with him. Relived, thank god, he didn’t notice.

“You’re welcome.”

No, you don’t get a ‘thanks’. You didn’t help.

“You simply told me to give you ‘something’, so I did just that.”

Something useful! –

“For future reference,” he finished. 

Ayu kicked a rock in frustration, but the momentum caused the stone to bounce back and hit his leg. “Shit,” he hissed. Akeldama laughed at him. 

You’ve never been useful.

“Come on, I always try to be,” he pouted. “Even if it’s just for myself.”

You’re terrible. 

“Yet you put up with me,” his tongue slurred at the ‘you’. “Contradictory.”

I can’t even get away from you without solving anything else. Ayu’s words laid lethargic. 

“Then do something about it,” Akeldama told him. 

How?!

Akeldama nipped on what to say. “Well, being more assertive is one thing.”

Ayu scoffed. Don’t even know what you mean by that. 

Akeldama sighed. “Simply asking and begging for answers isn’t going to get you anywhere. You have to be firmer, more aggressive to get what you want.”

I…-

“Just imagine holding someone by the throat; threaten them. It’s that easy, even with me.”

I, Ayu’s heart sank in fear, I can’t do that.

“Of course, you can. Give it some time and it wouldn’t take you a second.”

I could never do that. His hands formed gripping fists. Glass that never existed broke against his fingers.

Akeldama’s voice grew vacant in Ayu’s head. A short silence loomed upon him waiting for the being to mock him or leave once more. However, a short, stifled laugh choked out of him. “Oh, oh really?” His voice rang in aggressive sarcasm. “You’ve already tried to kill so many monsters and allowed so many to die.”

Stop.

“You- you beat Oliver without a second stop of breath-”

I SAID STOP! Ayu screamed. 

The world froze for a greyish moment then. All while Ayu panted from holding his breath. Movement cricketed without Ayu’s notice. However, once the boy relaxed his bones and mind, fear stroke him again as he was greeted with monochrome. 

“Wh-what?” He breathed. He turned around and round, blinking in disbelief of his surroundings. Dead silence deafened him and his eyes stroked tears from no walking, no car fumes, nothing. Akeldama, stop this right now.

Reminded in a flash, Ayu bolted his head to Oliver with widened, vermillion eyes. The redhead stood frozen along with everyone else in the crowd. “No,” Ayu gasped. 

The boy stood at the peak of breaking down, almost crying next to Oliver out of a new disaster. Akeldama, please stop this-

“Oh, there she is.” The world breathed in color once more as Oliver pointed outwards in the streets. 

Ayu blinked with his eyes burning in red. The city life had returned to normal in the second of his crying breath. 

“I… What-?”

“Hey, Alice,” Oliver called out. He waved his hands towards an opening crowd. He walked to a certain woman in the crowd who stared aimlessly at the streets ahead of them. 

The redhead managed to grab her attention though it took time in the matter. However, once she’d quip her eyes to the two, she greeted them, “Oh, Oliver! Forgive me but your mobiles are always fascinating to observe.” 

She smiled at an ambulance tracking down a car crash. Oliver eyed the cars while Ayu caught up his mind to his own confusion. 

“Right…” Oliver said. “Nice to see you too.” 

The boy nudged Ayu forward as he whispered at him to smile, but Ayu stared in distraught. “So, Alice, this is Ayu.” Oliver mumbled, “As you already know.”

A glimpse of a glare was caught by the black-haired boy from Alice. His paranoia was not of help at the moment either as he stared back in worry. 

“It is nice to be of acquaintance with you,” she spoke down to him with a smile. Her knees wobbled in hesitance of something or other while she greeted him by hand. “You want knowledge, correct?”

He nodded akin to her knees. “Yeah…”

Trust her, a voice said. 

But I don’t want to, he thought back.

“And you’re gonna give me lessons, right?” Oliver brought himself to attention again. 

Alice replied back to him in a rush, “Of course! I was simply checking if I called the right college for the boy.”

“Just making sure.” Oliver patted Ayu on the shoulder. Only to then whisper to him with an eye on the distracted woman. “Don’t worry, Ayu. This probably won’t go wrong.”

“Probably?”

“They’re murderers. But I am too so there’s not much to expect.” 

“I…” The bluntness of the situation kept Ayu with no words.

Alice asked them, “Are you two ready to go now?”

“Sure but,” Oliver directed throughout the entire area, “how are we getting there anyways?”

The woman left a finger on her chin. “Oh right, you’ve only ever gone to Fowls unconsciously.” 

She stepped deeper into the streets, excusing the city-folk walking by. Snatching a book from her dress-pocket, she opened the tiny leather cover. 

Ayu squinted to see the book from a distance, to no avail of only tiny scribbles of words. However, to his surprise, a door appeared in front of her. No magic word nor smoke of a ‘poof’, the door merely stood at the edge of the sidewalk with no wall or house attached. The door itself held rough edges; its carvings rounded about like a simple drawing yet shaved in splinter points. From flowers to spades, the entrance reveled in its old, wooden state. 

“Woah…” 

“Uh Alice?” Oliver raised his hand from the side. “Nobody here’s seeing this, right?”

Alice turned back at them, hiding away the book yet again. “Yes, we’re nonexistent to them at the moment.”

“Isn’t that what I wish for,” Oliver muttered. 

Ayu chuckled, “Isn’t that a shitty wish?” 

Oliver cocked his head to Ayu as he shook his head. “Ayu, are you a telepath or what?” 

“Huh?” 

“Boys, we mustn’t waste too much time here.” Alice opened the door to reveal another area entirely. 

Oliver growled at her demand. Though, he walked on ahead anyhow. “I’ll tell you about it later,” he told. 

Ayu nodded back, without a clue of his question, and joined him. 

The boy entered into the new world with a dry gulp. Not needing to adjust his eyes from the grey skies, he gazed at the wide view ahead of him. So, this is where Oliver’s been, he thought. A field laid before him carrying layers of long and short grasses that glistened with a desert green hue. An endless valley of trees ran down the horizon up ahead. No sound tickled the boy’s ears and instead tickled his legs from plants below. The grey skies must have left room for fresh rains that would drip over his messy hair and water the vast land of unknown. He pondered if any fruits and berries grew, or if there was a house that would carry any sweet smoke from the forest ahead-

“Ayu, are you listening?” Oliver poked him by the side, making Ayu jolt. Ollie shifted his eyes to Alice, who walked ahead of them on a lecture. 

Ayu blinked. “She was talking?”

Oliver rolled his eyes. 

“I didn’t know she was talking,” Ayu searched for excuses in his head. 

“Yeah, I noticed.” Oliver smiled, almost seeming to laugh. “You had a kinda space-y face.”

“No, I didn’t,” Ayu retorted. “I just thought this looks… cool.” A tint of red darkened onto his face. He tugged a chunk of his hair in the process. 

Oliver moved his hand from pulling on his hair, carefully so. “Suit yourself,” he noted. 

He shook his head from the conversation to focus on the woman for once. A glance of Alice while she talked caught Ayu’s attention more than her speaking. Her fair skin with blonde hair seemed peculiar. Back to Oliver was the same. 

“You guys look nothing alike,” he stated. 

“I know, right?”

“Well to be precise,” Alice finally stopped with her ramblings. “Oliver gets almost everything from his father.”

Oliver spoke back, “Oh really?”

She continued, “he was exactly as I hoped to be truthful. Though I admit there were some errors in the process.” She lifted her hand to almost make contact with Oliver’s head, though he pushed it back. 

“Don’t touch, please.” 

She hesitated to put the hand down, but did so willingly. “It’s nice that my son is in his image, isn’t it?” She walked a few steps forward and changed the topic. “Eilwen will be here any minute, Ayu… Unless she’s hiding around here.”

“Hiding?” 

“Eilwen, show yourself!” She turned back at the boys, “Forgive me, she isn’t quite… fond of new people.”

“How,” Oliver queried. 

“She likely,” Alice dotted her fingers together, “has been watching us.”

A rustle came from the long grasses ahead. Some crinkled and fell over from age with empty impact. Though, the grasses moved along as if they were curtains, revealing the figure behind them. 

“Now, you didn’t have to word it like that, Cecily.” Her voice did not chirp like Alice’s. Rather, she spat with a nasally tone.

“Oh, Eilwen, come over here!” 

The new woman trudged her way over to them. The view of her cleared the closer she came over. A baggy, oversized coat of a brown plaid covered up her whole body past her knees. Sleeves dangled over her nimble, gloved hands. With those hands, she then adjusted the bell-shaped hat against her short and messy hair. Her appearance was more apparent than Alice’s typical beauty.

Once she arrived, she matted her coat, swatting some grass flakes in the meanwhile. 

“This,” Alice started, “is Eilwen, Ayu. She’ll be the one to tell you anything you’d like to know.”

Eilwen greeted him with a stink-eye. She crossed her arms as she huffed, “It’s a pleasure to be of service to you.”

She brought more of a threatening presence than Alice, that is for sure. “Nice to meet you too,” Ayu stuttered. 

Eilwen tilted her head, “Come with me.” A door appeared right beside her, a darker wood than the previous one. She opened the door as it shared a peek of a dark abyss of a room. 

“Don’t be a show-off,” Alice murmured. 

Eilwen began entering. “Now, it’s not my fault that you don’t memorize.”

“It’s a part of my magic!” She argued.

Oliver tapped Ayu yet again before they separated. “Okay, so she might be giving you a death glare but you’ll be fine.”

“You sure?”

“If not, you can always punch her or something,” Oliver shrugged at the suggestion. 

The advice made Ayu squirm at the violence. Nothing seemed comfortable at the moment. No help matted the situation. All there was, was a deep breath before he stepped into the chamber. A soft goodbye could be heard in the distance but his attention arrived once the door slammed behind him. 

Ayu jumped at the sound but whisked his head back around after shaking a tad. The room was small and dark. Black shaded the walls and floor, creating white outlines that were the corners and creeks. In the middle carried a single table unable to hold one’s food but instead a flamed light to illuminate the space. 

“Now,” Eilwen started, “you don’t know anything from what I recall, yes?”

“I- What do you mean?”

“Akeldama, of course.”

Ayu gasped with the tiniest air he had. “So, I was right!”

“It appears you were,” she slides in, “–with how obvious it was– but how much do you know of magic?”

“Huh?”

“How much do you know of him? Or anything of his motives?”

“Uhm…” Ayu twiddled his hoodie-string. “I don’t know? I just know he’s an asshole?” 

“Oh, we all know that,” she threw a hand. “The question is why are you the one he prioritizes, but even you don’t know anything of it.”

“Yeah? That’s why I came here.” Ayu stated, “I want to know.”

Eilwen sighed to then rummage her hand through her big pockets. “Alright then,” She raised up a pocket watch out of it. “This toy will show visions of the past to help guide through what I can show.”

“Really?!” Ayu’s face lit up and moved over to view the tiny watch. 

“Yes– really.” She moved her arm up, now out of his reach. Her face showing signs of irritation, doubled. She grumbled in her words, “I hope to be of help.”

-

Ten Dollars | Bread and Water | Red Eye | Crimson Capture | November 1st | A Mother | A Demon | A Child | The Wolf | Bloody Fingers | Next >>>

[metalchick19-blog]

The Bowers Gang: Ship #6 - Henry Bowers

Request: Hey! Congrats on 200 followers, you deserve it! Idk if i'm late to the party but if i'm on time can I get a ship? I'm kinda short, blue hair, my outfits mostly consist of leather jackets, vans or docs and red lipstick, I live for plaid pattern skirts and fishnets, I also wear a black bandana as headband a lot, I have a few tattoos (bands and horror movie themed/related) ya girl's also a slut for sunglasses hahah, heart shaped, cat eye, clout glasses that -fun- style, I love going to concerts and I'm a very artsy gal, I love painting on stuff, mostly jackets and clothes in general. I'm terrified of the dark and fights, seeing and listening to people argue/yell triggers my anxiety so that's also a big ass no from me hahah, I love standing up for what I believe in and would do anything to protect my friends and loved ones. I'm kind of a quiet person but when you get to know me nothing will make me shut up hahaha and if you are really important to me i'll basically shower you with love and affection, i'm a hugger lol, I'd like to be paired with Henry pls? 🖤

You were originally slotted to be Patrick’s girl just based off of your physical appearance

He stalked you for weeks on end (and low-key still tries to snake you from Henry on the daily), but was eventually forced to tone it down after Henry officially “claimed” you as his own

The kids of Derry High School don’t understand how you guys are together at all

You’re literally such a ray of sunshine (both physically and personality-wise), and Henry is such a fucking thunderstorm that it doesn’t make any logical sense at first glance  

Or second glance 

... But that thunderstorm loves his blue-haired ray of sunshine (even if he’s too straight-up menacing to admit it)

He stole your black bandana from you the first time you had sex (it’s now the black bandana he wears on his wrist 24/7)

He gave you the stud from his ear (and pushed it through your un-pierced lobe himself) because he couldn’t walk around representing you if you weren’t representing him 

... Somehow got a new stud for himself before school even started the next day, but you’ve never wanted to hear the cringe-inducing story behind that 

Initially found it weird that you paint stuff on clothes, but eventually asked you to paint “Bowers” on the back of all his jerseys (3 total)

He hasn’t noticed it yet, but you also painted a small heart on one just above the “s” 

He’s going to kill you when he notices it 

Just be aware 

Holds your hand whenever you, he, and the guys walk around town at night, because he knows that you spook easily 

But always wants you close to him regardless, because he knows Patrick well enough not to trust him in the slightest

... Which he shouldn’t, because Patrick is dying to get a taste of them fishnetssss

You constantly hit Henry up with tattoo ideas that you think would look good on him

He rolls his eyes like he thinks you’re being stupid, but he lets you draw them on him to see what they’d look like, because he’s genuinely interested (like the undercover nerd he is)

It’s so adorable, oh my god   

He just sits there quietly like a docile, innocent creature and watches intently as you create art on his body 

He spit-washes the “tattoos” off almost immediately, but that’s just because he doesn’t want Hockstetter to see (because he’d know how much Henry must friggin’ love you)

Not gonna’ lie, though, some aspects of this relationship will be really tough for you

Henry is a very angry person, and yelling is just a part of his basic existence, so get your anxiety prepared 

He never tries to trigger you on purpose, but you definitely witness a lot of his snapping at/arguing with the guys, and it can get you feeling a little uneasy 

Tends to try to comfort you in little ways when he notices you’re getting anxious though (after he’s done being furious, of course)

Sometimes puts a hand on your lower back, kisses your forehead really quickly (and semi-roughly, because Bowers), etc.

Basically just to give you a signal that it’s okay in as imperceptible a way as possible 

Generally tries not to have another outburst for the rest of the day when he feels like he’s made you nervous once already, because he truly doesn’t want to be like his Father where you’re concerned (i.e. he doesn’t want you to feel like you have to walk on eggshells around him)

However, the worst incident you ever had was the first time you were present when Henry and the guys were screwing around with someone 

You couldn’t take the intensity of seeing Henry “in his element” (aka: screaming like an animal in someone’s face), and watching the guys shed blood in such horribly violent ways 

It really made you rethink some things about hanging out with them for a while (especially with Patrick, who enjoyed the pain too much), and it threatened your relationship with Henry for a short time

For that reason though, you being with the gang is a signal that no attacks are ‘bout to happen, because Henry isn’t about that life in front of you anymore 

All the kids in Derry breath a little easier when they see your tiny blue head in the middle of the group of boys, because they know all ass whoopings will cease until further notice 

Also Henry loves it when you give him kisses before class, because that means he gets to walk into the classroom with a big-ass lipstick stain on his cheek (which feeds into his god-like bad boy image)

Stole a pair of Gretta Keene’s flower-rimmed sunglasses off her desk and gave them to you because he legitimately doesn’t care about how rude that is 

... But he wouldn’t admit it to you even after Gretta tried to fight you to get them back 

You’re the reason this boy learns how to properly receive a hug 

He tenses up every single time you give him one for the entire first year, but eventually gets the hang of hugging back and putting some feeling into it 

Mostly because you and Belch were the ultimate hug-buddies (how could you not be when you both love hugs?) and he got tired of seeing Belch be really good at it while he was sucking hard 

Legitimately one of the most light-hearted, positive relationships that Henry ever experiences 

You’re so opposite from each other that you’re a perfect fit, and you make that boy happy ‘til the cows come home (and even beyond that)

This was actually a trip to write, so I ship you guys hard

[velveetacrackncheese]

Hey, Rad... Alex... Alexlememe? I know that's the name you used to go by and I know you've kinda disconnected yourself from Viv's fanbase after ZP ended, and I remember your memes and such but I kinda just wanted to get your take on the Hazbin drama since you reblogged the headcanon blog's post on the subject. More or less regarding the issue of her being uncharitable to fans and non-fans alike, plus that one callout post on twitter?

So this is weird. I wasn’t expecting to get asks on the subject since like you said, I’ve generally been disconnected from the fanbase aside from the few reblogs here and there retaining to Hazbin and its more recent developments. But yeah I guess I could give my take on this since I mean.. old fans still follow me. Idk why, but they do!So, really. In regards to that callout post (which is now deleted) I really, really don’t care that much. For one thing, Initially I did because I really hated to see someone be slandered so viciously with inaccurate and uncharitable attacks, but I kinda just stopped because even when I linked the addresses from both Viv, and the Ken dude regarding all the drama mentioned, it was either ignored and resulting in me being called a “pedo sympathizer” or “It wasn’t even an apologyyyyy weh” and like, whatever. I stopped giving a shit.

Terms of the traced animation thing... Lol, ok. I mean homages do exist, and her animation thingy was based on a meme so whatevs.

Anyways,I knew from the very start that the whole “tracing” and “stealing designs” stuff was nonsense since there was an entire like, tumblr drama arc on the issue, and albeit Viv’s post is gone, there’s evidence of legal contracts regarding Jiji and that whole nonsense that was years ago. In regards to her drawing pictures of Blaire White and Shoe… Eh. I mean, yeah, fuck em, but she’s made it clear that she doesn’t support those views anymore, and she wasn’t even really aware of the other things they’d done at that point, and I see no real reason not to believe her because what does lying about that gain her? Yeah her comment on the “blackface” thing if you wanna call it that was dumb as shit, but considering 2016 was a rough year for her in terms of trying to find where she fell in the political sphere, I can relate because I was in the same boat. A lot of sjw cringe comps, shaming feminists, and purposely misgendering transpeople… Not a good time for me either! Course I’ve changed. I went from being a reactionary alt-centrist to an anarchist so. Whether that’s an improvement is up to you.

As for the whole pedo/zoo shit, I really don’t see it. I mean like, look, obviously porn art portraying people fucking feral animals is disgusting right. Not saying it isn’t problematic or anything, but to be fair, she did draw this shit like 8 years ago. I’ve seen worse from even more well-established artists and I don’t see people trying to cancel them? Also, the art was suggestive for one thing and not necessarily 100% porn. I mean it’s still creepy and gross, and I’d understand scolding them if they continued to do so but a lot worse, but I haven’t seen anything like that from Viv past those 2 drawings. As for the pedo shit… The relationship between a 17 year old and a 19 year old is… hardly creepy and reminiscent of pedo shit. So yeah no fuck that. Now with the drawing of Mirage and Kestrel and the tag that said something jokingly like “Mirage and her pedo tendencies” or whatever… Yeah idk, I can’t defend that lmfao. Again, Viv said she disapproves of those drawings and doesn’t care to think about them, but that one piece of artwork definitely had some baggage to it that made me feel uncomfortable after reading the tags.Only issue I took in terms of her addressing that, is that she was very adamant about it being an inside joke… Which if that’s true, you must’ve had some fucked up friends like damn.

I would also like to state that cub art is legitimately disgusting and I am of the belief that it can cause harm depending on the context since I assume the consumption of cub art can reinforce the urge for pedophiles to act on their desires instead of finding healthy coping mechanisms for it through therapy. There have been stories from younger users on the internet that older people have tried to groom them and have the notion of pedos preying on them be normalized by sending them art depicting kids in sexual acts with adults. Of course in isolation cub art isn’t as harmful as the actual act of raping a child, and I would argue that people have their priorities kind of messed up since the illustration being acknowledged should be part of combating pedophiles preying on children. However, people, typically twitter wokescolds tend to focus on the art solely and I don’t know why. There’s a lot of MAPS trying to find their way into LGBT spaces and it’s fucking gross.

Now with Hazbin itself… It’s meh. Initially I watched it with rose-tinted glasses and loved it. After watching it for like… the 3rd, 4th, 5th time? It’s alright. I don’t hate it, but it’s far from perfect. Now ofc I know it’s a pilot but a very lengthy pilot I’ll say. My biggest gripe with the pilot is that the editing is really fucking weird. Like the editing where Angel tells Alastor “I can suck yah dick!” and the scene that followed was really off. It seemed like too many cuts were made in that instance and seemed very cluttered. It also feels that way during Charlie singing “Inside Every Demon is a Rainbow” and how many little animated bits were like almost wiped off the screen by how fast it came by, and ntm there was just so much happening all at once on screen as well. I had to pause at points just to process everything that was happening. The palette is also very, very, verrrry red. There’s so much red going on and like… I get it, it’s in hell. But lemme rest my eyes on something else besides red, please. The palette they use needs to be better diversified, and the same goes for the characters too. Every character seems to have red on them. Whenever Baxter shows up later he’s gonna look really out of place. Some of the jokes were ok, and others seemed non-clever. I didn’t think Angel’s joke about sucking Al’s dick was funny. I did like the joke with Pentious and Angel though. “SON??” Some of it could’ve been written better too.

Regarding the drama with the show itself… Personally I don’t get it. Like, I don’t feel as if Angel is homophobic as a character since his queerness isn’t at the face of the jokes he makes? He just happens to be sex worker which… sex workers are fine? Support sex workers y’all, seriously. There’s also nothing intrinsically wrong with being sexually active either? As long as it’s within reason and you’re being trustworthy.The issue lies in the fact that people viewed the things I just mentioned as negative, and associate it with gay people as said negatively portrayed thing to push the sentiment of “Gay man do sex a lot therefore the gays bad” or that sort of thing. Also there’s a bit where it shows there’s more emotional depth to him and I’m hoping they’ll expand on that later. Honestly though, the criticisms in regards to that have been pretty uncharitable. Same with the criticisms for Vaggie. Apparently Vaggie is racist because… she’s loud and angry? Again, this is a case where people assume those traits are negative, and because it’s assumed to be negative, the negatively portrayed thing pushes the sentiment of “Being a loud fiery woman made, and latina women are that, therefore latina women bad” or some shit.�� There are stereotypes that are bad no matter what the context is like sambo-esque caricatures of black people. Then there are tropes that are applied to certain demographics that have the capability to be written well into characters without it being offensive or disrespectful. Vaggie is literally angry because she’s protective of her gf. Like. C’mon.

So, I think that settles what I think about that? It honestly seems like superficial shit to me tbh, and I’m saying this as an sjw-y beta cuck anarchist.

The only REAL gripe I have, is with what the mod from @zpheadcanons posted. Because I know this is probably true as much as it hurts me to say it. Faust def has a history of being pretty petty and bully-like to people she deems undesirable, and Viv harbors it by not criticizing it, and if anyone else within their friend group does it then you’re scolded vehemently and treated like garbage. Her attitude also stretches to harboring an audience full of white knights that I personally don’t approve of.

There’s also this

Faust has hurt distant people I personally know and… yeah. Maybe I’m biased but I can’t vibe with that. Sorry. If you don’t make an effort to criticize abusive behavior within your own friend circles then that makes you just as bad, because then you’re just a bystander to things you could have prevented.

This isn’t to say Viv herself hasn’t dealt with bad faith actors, or people who had the intention to hurt her, or very uncharitable criticism. Particularly from the badwebcomics forums which is honestly 4chan like in how they operate. It’s vicious as hell, and a lot of their criticisms boil down to insults and personal attacks, which serve to be nonconstructive. That’s not to say Viv has been kind to even the more charitable criticism though. I know because when I happened to send an ask to the zoophobia criticism blog (where did it go???) regarding something relatively minor and superficial, she blocked me from her blog. I’m still blocked lmfao. I’m not blocked on twitter though! (not yet anyways). Faust has me blocked there though, and I have no idea why. She’s had me blocked for years even though I haven’t spoken out against her till recently. So, there’s that.

As for her apology itself, I feel like it was fine. I think it could’ve been worded better? The take I disagree with in terms of that is like… If I made a mistake in the past, and I make it clear that I don’t care for what I did, I don’t feel as if me explaining why I felt compelled to do certain things negate me from still not caring for my past actions? That’s just me providing context. That’s a really weird take, but I guess that could be viewed as an excuse idk. Personally I think people are holding the bar super high to a state of irrationality.

*sigh* So yeah there’s that. I miss the old days where honestly I could be ignorant about this, but at the same time I look at my old obsessive posts and I kinda just… cringe. I was such an irrational stan I almost hate myself for it. Fuck XD

Edit: I’d also like to point out that I’m not saying Viv or Faust are totally awful or totally good people, and I know they’re capable of being better. It’s a matter of whether or not they wanna be better.