Hold on, man... I'm having Thoughts and Emotions...
What if Stolas and Octavia made plans to watch the solar eclipse together on Earth to make up for not seeing Azathoth's tears? And maybe Octavia suddenly suggested inviting Blitzø and Loona over as well, since they were all together that other time, too?
And when Blitzø sees the awkward text from Stolas inviting them (I'd understand if you're busy or would rather not come, but Octavia seemed keen on the idea of seeing Loona again), he isn't sure he wants to go, because things with Stolas have been so weird lately, and he's deeply in denial about the feelings they have for one another. But Loona kicks him in the butt about it because he's being stupid, and so he reluctantly texts Stolas trying to sound as nonchalant as possible (shur y nut, portal plz) while freaking out inside.
And he doesn't know what he was expecting as he crossed that portal, but a mountaintop above the clouds is definitely not it.
“Thank you for coming,” Stolas says, and Blitzø can't help but notice the way Stolas bows to him—and then he pushes that information aside, not knowing what to do with it. “I hope the localisation is fine, and not too cold. Anywhere else would've been too crowded.”
“It's whatever,” Blitzø shrugs, and hates the way some of the light leaves Stolas' smile. He's only been here for half a minute and he's already messed things up.
Next to them, Octavia is explaining the intricacies of solar eclipses in detail to Loona. Absent-mindedly, Blitzø notices the way Loona softens around Via, but keeps it to himself, not wanting to be kicked in the nuts. Instead, he looks around for a semi-comfortable stone and plops down on it, wincing when Stolas sits carefully by his side.
He's searching desperately for something to say when Stolas announces, “Look up, everyone, it's about to start!”
At first, Blitzø notices nothing. Well, nothing but the mild discomfort of staring directly at the sun.
But then he sees it. The moon—a corner of it, anyway—overtaking the powerful star. And, for a second, he can't breathe.
Of course, the partial eclipse lasts long enough that conversation sparks up again, though awkward and sporadic. Stolas asks about work, Via talks about the moon's mountains. Blitzø tries to quieten the voice that says he doesn't deserve to be here.
But when the total eclipse nears, they're all too entranced to talk. As darkness washes over the sea of clouds below them, the seconds seem to slow, and each of his heartbeats thrums through him, echoing in the ground underneath him. He's one with the earth and the sky, and, when it all goes dark, the whole universe stops breathing with him to experience this.
He only remembers to breathe when, in the complete darkness, he feels thin, long fingers curling around his own.
Too entranced to remember all the reasons why he's not allowed to want this, Blitzø squeezes Stolas' hand firmly back.
They are one. Of course they are. How could they not be, when the sun and the moon themselves are?
It's less than two minutes before the sunlight begins regaining its territory and washing away the darkness, but it might as well be a lifetime.
A lifetime he spends with Stolas' hand clasped firmly in his own, surrounded by their daughters, marvelling at the vastness of the universe. Feeling like, maybe, they're all insignificant enough to deserve all the love they can find.
But, inevitably, the moment passes and reality settles back in.
Blitzø doesn't want the moment to end, but, of course, the moment doesn't care. And, too scared to keep holding on to a hope that feels as fragile and ephemeral as an eclipse, Blitzø lets go of Stolas' hand.
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imagine being crosshair and the asshole who completely ruined your life and treated you like a weapon FINALLY got his karma and you think maybe just maybe things will start to look up.
and then Barton IV happens.
and then Tantiss happens.
and then miraculously the light of your life, your new baby sister, comes and gets you both out. and you reunite with your family and its not perfect but it’s better than it was and its almost good if it wasn’t for your past reminding you what good and whole actually looks and feels like.
and then the empire comes. and not only does it take the light of your life, but YOU lost her.
and now you have to subject yourself to rampart again.
and now, even though its the last place you ever wanted to see again, you have to return to tantiss. you thought you escaped, but really it was only temporary, and now theres a very real chance you go in and never come out again. just like last time.
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suddenly feeling very ill after interpreting tianlang-jun and su xiyan's relationship and qijiu's as foils to bingqiu's. all three relationships suffered greatly because of a horrific big misunderstanding, aggravated further by a lack of communication thereafter.
su xiyan, yue qingyuan, and shen yuan are all similar in their decision not to communicate the truth out of guilt, believing that they have failed and have (though unwillingly) abandoned their loved one thus deserve no forgiveness, just suffering.
meanwhile, the common denominator between tianlang-jun, shen jiu, and binghe is the self-loathing born out of the fact that despite the perceived betrayal of their loved one, forgiveness still won out (even before they knew of the truth and received the apology they were due) and the love they feel have persevered.
unfortunately for tianlang-jun and su xiyan, tianlang-jun didn't even get to find out the truth in the original plot, and it had simply been too late in the svsss universe.
same goes for qijiu, shen jiu doesn't get to find out the truth in pidw. meanwhile, yue qingyuan musters the courage to confess his truth too late in svsss; the shen qingqiu that awoken from that one qi deviation all those years ago is no longer the same one he'd loved—which interestingly can be, in some way, paralleled with how shen yuan initially believed that the luo binghe who emerged from the abyss is no longer his beloved white lotus binghe and thus his own lack of attempt to ask forgiveness and explain his actions to binghe upon his return.
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Thinking abt Leona lots and lots after talking to @v-anrouge bc there is SO much to unpack abt this man. I feel like he has so much potential for soft moments.
Like I’m stuck thinking about sitting in the sun with Leona. It’s a silent exchange, as are most moments spent alone with him, but you don’t mind. There isn’t really a need to speak- the quiet is comfortable, a testament to the fact that neither one of you has to justify or explain yourself to the other. He’s almost undoubtedly lying down, making himself right at home wherever he so pleases. With long lashes fanned over his cheekbones and his messy curls strewn about your lap, he’s a sight to behold. Every time you try and commit his relaxed features to memory. A vulnerable lion was a rare and privileged sight, after all.
He looks like he was made for this. You can’t imagine a world where he isn’t meant to live in the sunshine.
Or maybe you were made to admire him this way, working your fingernails along his scalp in a wordless act of reverence.
Maybe it’s a bit of both. You’re not entirely sure.
When you finally lie down with him, as you always eventually do, he lets out a sigh- it’s the most noise he’s made quite a while. He’ll wordlessly find his resting place on either your chest or in the crook of your neck. He feels closest to you that way. You’ll know he’s settled in when he sighs again- this time a low rumble from somewhere deep inside his chest. It’s a vulnerable position for both of you, one that relies on utmost trust. Leona is physically stronger than you, yes, but you could break him irrevocably. It’s not the threat of that mutually assured destruction that bonds you, but rather that the fallout will never come; and there is a very, very big difference. You both know that.
The quiet is sacred to you and Leona. It gives space for reverence and mutual understanding, things that aren’t easy to come by nowadays.
But as long as you two have each other and a warm sunny spot, maybe things will turn out alright.
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