#my brain feels foggy all the time and im just so tired!!

[brknghrts]

i feel like death.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[icallhimjoey]

More!!! More!!!! More bookstore!joe! MORE!!!!!!!!!! we've seen his erratic behaviour when he visits the store after not having been able to come in for a while, but what about the visit before he knows he's not going to be able to come in for a while?

omg im so here for the bookstore!joe requests, but the "i already miss you even though youre still here" somehow turned into whatever this is... idk why i went where i went, my apologies, and tw for vomit Wordcount: 3K

---

Lost Moments To Keep

You hadn't stopped staring at Joe with the biggest eyes. You seemed confused and weirdly mesmerised. Your eyes tunneled a little, vision darker around the edges.

"That's Joe." Anne just said, and then your eyes moved to give her the same wild look.

"And I'm Anne. We like me, a lot. We don't like Joe. You've got temporary loss of normal brain function, look, Google says." Anne held her phone to your face, too close for anything to register.

"You're not helping, Anne." Joe scolded through clenched teeth.

"Wha–"

Joe was on the phone to someone, and... you knew who that was. You knew who that was. What the fuck. What was Joe Quinn doing in your bookstore?

And why were you on the floor, exactly? Your left elbow hurt, but the back of your head much worse.

"Yea, she's awake. She hasn't lost consciousness at all." Joe said to whoever was on the other side of the line. "Confused, though. Brain's all scrambled."

"Do you feel dizzy? Google says you might feel dizzy."

"I... what day is it?"

"Oh my God, she's asking what day it is." Anne said, turning to Joe like she was blaming him for what you'd asked. In Anne's terms, she was panicking. Anyone who didn't know her, though, would think she was being exceptionally calm given she'd just witnessed her boss lift a box of books that tipped her over backwards.

Your head hurt.

And you did feel dizzy. And nauseous too, a little.

It made sense that you had fallen, but it was strange to not remember and to have two strangers fret over you in your own business.

Your eyes darted from the worried face of famous actor Joe Quinn who was stood by your feet, to the wildly uninterested face of a younger girl who sat next to you with her legs crossed as she scrolled on her phone.

"Any vision disturbance? Are you more sensitive to light than you'd usually be, do you think?" Anne asked, seemingly going down a list she'd found online.

"Okay, thanks. We'll make sure she doesn't move until you get here." Joe looked at you as he said goodbye and hung up. That looked like your phone.

"Her mum's on her way."

Why was he using your phone?

"Any mental fogginess?" Anne continued, ignoring Joe and additionally ignoring you, entirely unfussed that you weren't answering any of her questions.

"Hey," Joe softly said, catching your attention as he stepped closer and leant an elbow on the counter as he bent down a little. He smiled warmly at you when he asked, "How are you feeling?"

Joe Quinn.

Joseph Quinn.

What was he doing in your bookstore?

And who the fuck was Anne?

Your eyes moved from one to the other until you saw black spots and the pain behind your eyes grew. Your ears were ringing when you softly said, "I'm... I'm gonna throw up."

Joe almost hadn't gone in today. He almost hadn't, because he didn't really have any time to waste. But, Jesus, he was glad he was there.

God, imagine if he hadn't been.

When Joe had woken up that morning, he thought he was likely going actually insane. He was flying out for work the next day, and instead of preparing, of packing, of seeing family and friends before he'd be off for a while - instead of all that, he showed up on the bookstore's doorstep at 10 am sharp. Right when Anne unlocked and opened the door. Just because that was where he wanted to be. He kind of already missed the store, even though he was right there.

Anticipatory nostalgia; Joe could feel it in his bones.

Instead of stepping aside and letting him in, she gave him a deadpan tired stare and waited for him to take the A-frame from her hands to put outside on the pavement.

Joe happily helped out. Said, "Good morning, sunshine!" all chipper and laughed when Anne looked like she had to try really hard not to vomit.

He'd called a good morning into the store, got a faint "Morning!" in reply from the backroom where you were making yourself a coffee, and found his ledge... empty.

Anne saw him look at the spot where he usually left the books that he was reading. You'd granted him that small little surface area of the store so you wouldn't have to keep putting his books back on the shelves, and so Joe wouldn't have to go looking for those same books again the next time he'd come in. A win win little ledge of excuses for Joe to return to your store. A real privilege, Joe thought.

Except he'd left books there.

He knew he did.

Where had they gone?

"I tidied." Anne said unsentimentally and challengingly looked at Joe over her mug as she took a sip of hot coffee.

She loved being a little shit and inconveniencing Joe wherever and whenever she could. Tidying the store was part of her job, and Joe knew if he was to complain, she'd have the upper hand, because what was he even really doing? The store wasn't a library, no matter how much he had starting treating it like one.

So instead, Joe used her inconvenient power move as an excuse to take his time to browse the whole store and took care to be in the exact wrong spot at the exact wrong time.

You secretly smiled every time you heard Anne sigh with frustration and heard her mutter, "Move!" under her breath before using a shoulder to push him aside. Every single time, Joe pretended he was totally oblivious. Would go, "Oh! Sorry! Was I in the way?" all innocently, but you could see how his mouth was fighting to keep his own smile hidden.

It took maybe forty minutes for Joe to have built up a little stack of books on the small sidetable next to your granddad's armchair in the window, and then Joe sat and read undisturbed for an hour and a half.

You loved it when Joe was in.

Just sat there.

Reading.

Absolutely engrossed in his own little world.

The faint feeling of envy was always overshadowed by the joy of being allowed to unashamedly stare at him from the counter, leant on both elbows.

You'd brought him a coffee after those 90 minutes of silent reading, and he'd given you a quick wink and a smile as a thank you.

Customers filtered in and out, and you went from moments of it just being Joe in the store to having eight people needing your attention simultaneously. It was both busy and not, and the switches in energy had left you in a weird spot mentally.

You hadn't realised you'd fully skipped lunch.

You'd seen Joe dart out for some pastries, and you'd ordered Anne to get her ass into the back to go and eat something, but you never followed up on your "I'll take my lunch after."

It was why, in a moment of quiet, you'd picked up a box of books from behind the counter that had sort of been in the way the whole morning, you been unsuccessfull.

Maybe you'd gotten up too fast.

Or maybe the box was just too heavy.

The entire thing had taken you down quicker than you'd been able to get it off the floor. It didn't help that the box was open. The reflex of your body became about making sure none of the books would tip out and hit you in the face, when the reflex should've been about cushioning your fall.

You shot no arms out.

You didn't drop the box.

You just... fell.

The weight of the box pushed the air straight from your lungs and left you gasping.

The back of your head had hit the wooden floorboards so hard, you immediately saw stars.

After impact, for a short moment, it was pin-drop silent. Anne froze, pausing for a moment, listening. She was waiting for you to go "I'm all right!", but that never came.

Joe was ripped from his book at the sound of the fall, but was confused. One moment you'd been there, and then now, you were gone.

When a soft wincing gasp was heard from where you were hidden form his view, he was on his feet in an instant, rounding the counter and finding you there on the floor, box of books heavy on your stomach, eyes completely glazed over as you rapidly blinked up at the ceiling in an attempt to erase the fuzzy bits in your vision.

"Oh my G– Anne!" Joe was quick to remove the box and the books that were tumbling out. "Breathe. Careful, don't move, just focus on breathing." Joe advised as he watched you struggle.

"What dropped?" Anne asked, getting closer now and trying to find the source of the whack.

"She did."

"I know she did, but what was that–"

"That was her." Joe tried to make eye-contact. "Hey, just breathe, all right? Are you hurt?"

The eye-contact failed, as did answering Joe's question.

You hadn't even properly heard him it felt like.

Anne and Joe shared a look, for a moment both unsure of what to do. Who was going to take the lead on this? Joe didn't work there, but Anne was a literal teenager.

Before they could even think of discussing a game plan, you incoherently asked through a constricted panicked voice if anyone had thought of the fire escape. They both turned to look at you, both faces frowning in confusion.

"Huh?"

"What was that?"

Joe and Anne spoke at the same time.

"I think I forgot. Are the bugs gone?" you winced as you moved a hand to where your head hurt, and Joe was quick in deciding he was going to have to be the one to call the shots on this. He'd clearly chosen to spend all day at the bookstore for a reason, so it seemed.

It took a little while for you to return to normal.

You babbled through some more disjointed chat whilst Joe carefully checked with his fingers if your head was bleeding. It wasn't, which was good. But you did wince in pain as he slowly felt around in your hair before you tried to sit up and take your shoes off.

Anne had to fight you back down onto the floor and sternly told you to relax whilst Joe slid his folded jacket underneath your head.

When your consciousness returned into the room, you were met by a girl sat by your side who was scrolling through concussion symptoms, and a guy stood up by your feet, talking to someone on the phone.

"What's going on?" You'd asked, and Anne had just casually said, "You fell."

Joe'd called your mum on your phone. Anne knew the code. Joe told himself he'd give her a stern talk about normal-people things like privacy later. Priorities lied elsewhere right now.

And then you'd thrown up into the box of books that had taken you down earlier.

Served it right, Joe thought.

Joe'd held your hair through it, and kept brushing back little pieces that kept falling into your face. His touches were so tender and gentle but they still hurt, and you were absolutely mortified. So fucking embarrassed. There was a fucking celebrity in the store and you were vomming into a box of books that, halfway through, got swapped for an empty bucket.

It smelled awful, and it probably was the most unattractive thing in the world.

You felt like the most unattractive thing in the world.

"Sorry you had to see that." you croaked when Anne handed you a glass of water to rinse your mouth.

"We think you're concussed."

Somehow, that made perfect sense.

"You took quite the tumble. The back of your head must be hurting."

You moved to sit with your back against a cupboard door, careful to not lean your head back too far, and Joe decided to stay put next to you. Keep an eye on you. Hold your hair back in case you weren't quite done throwing up yet.

Meanwhile, Anne had moved into the backroom and did her best in trying to save whatever books she could from where you'd thrown up over them.

"Do you have any pain anywhere else?"

You paused a second to focus on the feelings inside of your body, and then moved an arm to touch the opposite elbow.

"Your elbow? Are you bleeding?" Joe used a soft hand to move your arm so he could have a look. "Does it hurt a lot?" No broken skin. Joe hoped that maybe the blow he'd heard had been your elbow, and not your actual skull.

"Stop asking her a million questions!" Anne shouted from the back, like she hadn't been doing the exact same thing before.

"You'd tell me if you weren't okay, wouldn't you?" Joe's voice remained soft and warm for you. All kind and gentle.

For a moment, you just looked at him.

"Hi," he smiled, and he saw how you were trying to puzzle the situation together. "I'm Joe."

"I know who you are."

"Oh, that's great!" Joe exclaimed.

"Were you... did you happen to just be in here to buy books, or..."

Oh.

Not so great.

You knew who he was, but you didn't know who he was.

"Um, no, not really. I actually come in here a lot. I um... you let me hog one of the armchairs where I read books."

"You do?"

"Yea, it's awfully rude of me." Joe smiled. "But I'm lucky. You're very cool about it."

Joe could feel his chest swell at the faintest hint of a smile coming from you.

"He's your boyfriend." Anne bluntly interrupted as she stepped back into the storefront, and before you could even begin to process that wild bit of information, she added, "But not really. The two of you are... you're really weird about it."

It sounded like a weird joke, and you looked between the both of them to figure out what the punchline was, because you didn't get it.

Joe just smiled when you looked at him.

"She hates it."

"I do." Anne confirmed, walking across the store to move the sign on the door to 'closed'. Your mum was going to come by and pick you up to get your head checked and there was no way Anne wasn't going to go with.

Joe craned his head to watch Anne as she went to fetch the A-frame out front and then leant close and whispered, "We kind of like that she hates it."

That made you smile into your lap.

"Have you um..." you started, suddenly frowning. "Do you have a plaster for me?"

Joe's concern immediately grew again. He wasn't quite back where he was twenty minutes ago, when you'd laid right where he was sitting now, unable to catch your breath properly, but his eyes bulged like he was just as worried anyway.

"Why? Are you bleeding? Where?"

"I've not finished my homework."

"You've not..." Joe tried to make sense of something nonsensical before he realised he'd lost you again.

Joe wondered if he could let someone know he wasn't going to be able to leave the city tomorrow. Let alone the fucking country. The prospect of leaving you like this for a few weeks and having to actually do a job seemed impossible.

How was he not going to be thinking about you all the time?

To be fair, his life was already like that, a little.

But especially now; after all this, no one could expect him to not constantly worry if you were all right, could they?

"I don't think I've got any plasters for you, sorry."

"Oh," you seemed disappointed, but only for a second. "You bought Blindness from me."

There you were. Back again. God, he really did already miss you, even though you were right there.

"I did."

"You hadn't... you'd not read it, but you'd seen the film."

"I had."

"I remember."

"Read it in one day."

You'd likely be fine.

People got concussions all the time, didn't they?

"Sorry, I'm all over the place."

"You're not actually," Joe smiled. "You're right here."

Joe was going to leave the country tomorrow, and you'd stay with your mum until you'd be one hundred per cent again. You would keep the store closed, so there was no use in him hanging around anyway. And then, when you'd be all better, he'd pop back in on a random Tuesday morning without any warning, and then he could tell you all about today. You'd likely not remember a thing of it, all of it a lost moment to you, but one that he'd get to keep. Get to cherish. Get to share with you later.

"My head hurts..." you suddenly said like you'd only just realised it.

"Yea, you fell." Joe could go through this loop again, he didn't mind.

"I did?"

"Hmm, we think you're concussed. Your mum is coming to pick you up, have you checked out by a doctor to double check and make sure you're okay."

"We?"

Joe saw how you went to reach for the back of your head again, but before your fingers could disappear into your hair, the bell above the door chimed and Anne said, "No sign of her yet."

"That's Anne." Joe calmly explained, and then reached to grab hold of your hand, protecting you from touching your painful bits again. He'd make sure to hold it until your mum arrived.

Joe saw your eyes grow wide as you recognised him again, and smiled.

"And I'm Joe."

---

The Taglisted

@ali-in-w0nderland, @alwayslindie, @babybluebex, @capricornrisingsstuff, @chaoticgood-munson,

@choke-me-eddie, @demonsanddemogorgons, @did-it-work, @dirtyeddietini, @djoseph-quinn,

@dolcevit4, @eddies-puppet, @emma-munson, @emotionaldreamer, @everythinghasafacee,

@figmentofquinn, @ghost-proofbaby, @ghostinthebackofyourhead, @hanahkatexo, @harringtonfan4,

@hazelenys, @jewellethief, @joesquinns, @keikoraven, @kennedy-brooke,

@lovelyblueness, @manda-panda-monium, @mandyjo8719, @mexicanfolklore, @munsonluvrr,

@munson-mjstan, @nadixq, @nglharry, @notverywise, @pepperstories,

@phyllosilicate-s, @royale1803, @sherrylyn0628, @sidthedollface2, @solzi1420,

@songforeddiemunson, @sweetberry47, @take-everything-you-can, @thebellenouvelle, @tlclick73,

@werepartnersnow, @winterwakesthewolf, @witchwolflea, @yelyahcardella, @yunirgo

taglist currently full, sorry

[mins-fins]

heart attack

&&. there's something hilarious about the beautiful doctor there to help with your terrible habits.

pairing: qian kun x gn!reader

genre: fluff

warnings: mentions of overworking, mentions of passing out & hospitalization

word count: 0.9k

notes: this….. THISSS💔💔💔 this drabble was very inspired by the thai movie heart attack (a movie that has no right being as cute as it is) kun fits the part so well because first.. doctor kun, and second.. kun is so amazing, i love kun, we all fucking love kun 😿 this is a early bday gift for user junjiie bc we all know he loves kun (happy early bday pookie ily) this is insanely self indulgent because i have slept less than three hours in these past five days and have been working myself to shit because.. med school!! yayyyyyyy!! im so excited!! (is not excited)

"so what's the matter with you?"

the usual roughness that would lace the voice of a medical professional is replaced by the softness you would feel of pillows, you glance up, meeting the eyes of the beautiful man before you. you stare, forgetting where you are for a moment, the exhaustion rendering you speechless.

but it's a whisper in your head that reminds you of where you are, and you flinch. "oh— i um.. there's these rashes appearing on my body".

"okay" he mutters, clicking his tongue and pen in unison. "and where exactly?"

"my arms, my neck.." he hums, pulling up your sleeve to check out what you told him. "also there are some on my fingers".

he bites into his inner cheek, much too close for the sake of your heart. he then glances up, examining your face through his glasses. "you haven't been getting any sleep" he snaps his fingers in your direction, letting go of you and turning back to his computer.

you respond with a dry chuckle, too tired to even try to add emotion. "and you know that how?"

"i can see it in your eyes, those dark circles aren't doing you justice" he sucks his teeth as he types out something. "what's your occupation?"

it isn't strange that he's curious, just answer the question.

you shake your head, mind all over the place. "i work in graphic design".

"ohhh" he doesn't exactly seem surprised. "freelance?"

you nod.

his eyebrows join together. "how does an editing job have you so tired?"

you let out a breath, too exhausted to allow a laugh. "it's a twenty four hour thing, if i'm awake at all times i function better".

"you're barely functioning now".

"well you're a doctor, you always tell people the obvious" you sigh, closing your eyes to try and recollect the many hours of sleep you lost. "i'm sure you aren't any better than me.."

"i'd be inclined to disagree".

you open one eye, staring at the pretty doctor who types away on his computer, catching you in his peripheral vision. (eyes you don't notice due to your lethargy making you less disposed to).

"when was the last time you slept?"

your throat goes dry, your senses reduced to the clear fatigue. you could simply lie, how would he even know? there's no way dr. qian is a psychic, that would be freaky, you're sure it would be nightmarish if that were the case.

there's an indecipherable glimmer in his eye, one that would scare you in regular circumstances where you were fully awake. it's as if he knows you're going to lie, your attempt at fib crawls down your throat before it can even escape your lips. "five days ago".

his reaction is serene, much too calm for your situation. "five days ago.. and how many hours did you sleep?"

your brain is foggy, you almost blurt the number 'six', but that's simply your default response when people ask. why would you ever lie to a doctor?..and the cute doctor especially?

you pause at the wave of your thoughts. what do you mean he's cute?

it's simply common sense, y/n. don't you like smart guys?

you would probably attribute it to your terrible sleep deprivation if it weren't true. you can't deny that the man before you is simply so attractive it should be illegal, he's absolutely gorgeous, how can a regular doctor be so beautiful? you might fall over, not from your lack of sleep, but from the eyes of the man who stares with such care.

"like.. three?"

your voice scratches as you recall the last time you 'slept', he hums, clicking his pen as he notes the information down. he turns in his rolling chair, scooting closer to you. "you mind if i see your hands?"

you can't even put up a fight, you're just about to give into your own exhaustion. you put your hands out for him, and dr. qian takes your hands in his own, examining the rashes which litter your fingers. he's close, so close, you can admire each of his facial features with amazing certainty. everything about him is beautiful, his cheeks, his eyes, the curves of his lips, it's all beautiful, it should be a crime for such a man to exist.

"that's an issue.. have you taken medication for sleep before?" you shake your head, and his fingers slip from yours.

"alright.. i'm going to put you on doxylamine" he mumbles, getting back to noting down your state. you begin scratching at the rashes on your fingers, and he snaps: "don't scratch it".

you move your hands apart rather quickly, his tone of voice intimidating you enough that you pause. he's much too convincing.

he points at you. "tonight, and this next month onward, you sleep before nine o'clock every single day".

you uncharacteristically snicker. "do you sleep before nine o'clock every single day?"

he raises an eyebrow, amused by the question. "i'm the doctor, i know best".

"of course".

"you'll end up dead if you keep going at this rate, take your medication, sleep before nine every day, then check back in with me next month".

"if i'm not available, can i reschedule?"

the question is simply meant to be comedic, you're just about to pass out, trying to sneak in a last minute joke before having to leave the office of the cute doctor. he leans his arm against the desk, smiling at you. "don't reschedule, i want to see you".

and you clearly weren't expecting those words, because your cheeks flare up.

see y/n? you do like smart guys.

[romanarose]

Santi with reader on her period

Santiago Garcia x fem!reader

Summary: You wake up to find you not only bled all over yourself, but your new boyfriend and his bed.

A/N I am on my period I literally just wanted to write this self indulgent shit

WARNINGS: lots of talk about blood, period, embarrassment, like,,,,, so much blood talk.

**************

When Santiago Garcia woke up that morning, the first thing he registered was you on top on him. You two hadn’t been dating for very long, a few months at most, but had quickly started staying the night at his place. He knew sometimes you got nightmares or struggled to sleep, and he would sometimes find self underneath you. He had insisted you could wake him if you were scared or couldn’t sleep, but inturn, you had insisted that all you needed was to snuggle up to him. One or the other had happened last night, as you were laying on his chest, your leg bent and spread over him in the shorts and tank top you went to bed in. 

The next thing he registered was that he was wet. Brain still foggy from sleep, he wondered if he had a wet dream, but the source seemed to come from you. Was it possible for you to get that wet from a sex dream? Were you rutting against his thigh in your sleep? He didn’t know if even that could get how soaked he felt. Was it on the bed? Fuck, he should’ve paid more attention in health class. Ah, who was he kidding, they didn’t teach this in health. Too sleep addled to think further, he pulled back the blanket, and suddenly everything made sense. 

“Sweetheart, hey” He carefully woke you.

A tired smile greeted him as you gazed up at his face. “Morning, Santi… what-” you started to register what he had.

“You started your period-”

“OH MY GOD” You sat up in horror looking at the red sheets and his stained shorts. “Fuck fuck fuck! Im so sorry!” 

“Honey it’s okay, it’s just blood” Not the first time Santi had blood on him, not the last.

Your face was beat red, humiliation burned out your skin. You couldn’t even look at your new boyfriend as you scrambled off his bed, trying not to get anything more on his blankets. “I’ll do the laundry, I’ll get the blood out, I’m so sorry”

“It’s fi-” he tried to calm you, but you weren’t listening

“Oh my god it’s early, I don’t even have any emergency shit! Fuck!” You feel a fresh wave come out, brought on by your angst and sudden blood is dripping down your legs. You burst into tears, running into his bathroom and slamming it behind you as you sat on the toilet, crying. He was going to think you were disgusting, he was never going to let you stay over again, if he didn't break up with you completely. This is the kind of thing you could get away with after a few years of dating, but a few months? Surely he was texting his friends right now, and they were all laughing at you, and he’d make fun of you for this for the short remainder of your relationship and-

Knock, knock

“Honey? You okay?”

You take a deep breath, trying not to sound too pathetic, but your voice is wobbly anyway. “No, I just bled all over you. I’m going to fucking killself, this was my 13th goddamn reason, your probably making fun of me with Benny right now and I don’t even have any pads or clothes and I have blood everywhere on me-”

“Can I come in?”

“No, I’m embarrassed enough”

“Okay” you hear a rustling at the door.“Here’s some clothes and some towels. Take a shower, get dressed. brought you boxer briefs and a washcloth, if you get done before I’m back, just use the washcloth as a pad. Or take a hot bath, whichever.” A pause. “And baby, I’m not making fun of you to Benny. You know how times I woke up covered in my own bodily fluids after a night of heavy drinking? This is nothing.”

You shut your eyes tightly. He was so goddamn sweet it fucking hurt. “Where are you going”

“I’m gonna run to the corner store, get you what you need, okay?” His voice is soft through the door.

“Yeah, okay. My purse is on the counter, my pin is-”

“Aht, no, I’m getting it”

“Santi-”  you begin to protest.

“Can’t hear you! Hamper is outside the door.” he began to walk away. You smile a bit, despite your humiliation. When you hear him leave, you clean up enough to allow you to take off the clothes. It had spread up your torso and down your legs, you looked like Carrie. You open the door to find a hamper and clothes as promised. You toss the bloody mess in, and get into the shower where you prompt break down crying again, thoughts still spiraling in embarrassment.

Despite it being in walking distance, he drove his car to the closest convenience store, wanting to get back before you were done to save you any more embarrassment if he could. He had called Frankie, knowing he could give him what he needed to know, while being discreet. “Hypothetical situation”

“Pope it’s 10 am on a sunday”

“I know, I know. But let’s say, maybe, possibly, your lady was on her period and she didn’t bring anything and you needed to get her what she needed”

“Ah. I see. Well, hypothetically, pads and tampons of course.”

“What kind?”

“She didn’t tell you?”

“No, she was too busy crying in the bathroom for bleeding on me”

“Oh jeez. Yeah I’d probably cry over that too. Well, in general, anything with work in a pinch. Where are you?”

“7/eleven”

“Not a lot of options anyway. Unless she has an allergy or sensitive skin, whatever they have will work for today.”

”Why does walmart need a whole aisle?”

“Well different brands, but also sizes for different flows. Also some people got sensitive skin and need organic, or the big ones for overnights.”

“You certainly know your way around a vagina”

Fish chuckled. “Yeah, I do. That’s what happens when you date a girl for more than a month, ese”

“Hey! I’ve been with her for three now!” Santi said defensively.

“Ohhh, three months, I’ll reserve a church for the wedding”

“I’m serious about her, Fish” Santi got a bit more stern. “I want her to stay. She’s different.”

“I know, I know you’re serious. Listen, I’ll go to the store with you sometime this week and help you get shit girls need so you can be prepared, make a good impression. But for now, get snacks and motrin”

When he got home, you were showering, bloody clothes tossed in the hamper. Perfect, he thought. He was able to throw your clothes, his dirty ones that you bled on, and his sheets and blankets in the wash so you didn’t have to worry about them, Fish texting him laundry tips on blood removal. When he heard the shower turn off, he dashed over to the door. “Baby, I got the pads and tampons” Santi made a conscious effort to name them, trying his best to show he wasn’t grossed out by the idea of periods. “They’ll be by the door, I’ll be in the kitchen.” He gave you privacy to do what you needed.

When you emerged, it was clear you had been crying. “I’m sorry” You whimper.

Santiago speeds over to where you’re lip is quivering, taking you in his strong arms. “Don’t be embarrassed, please. I got everything washing, it was time for me to clean my sheets anyway.” A lie. He washed them yesterday because he knew you were coming over and he wanted to impress you with clean sheets.. “You don’t work today right?”

“No, I’m off”

“Great, I am too. Do you wanna… do you wanna stay the day? I’ll take you home in the morning so you can get ready for work”

You feel emotional again. “You want me to sleep over again? On my period?”

Santiago kissed your forehead. “I literally want you here all the time, no matter what, even if you’re on your period or you're sick.”

You pause, then mumble, dodging his eyes. “We can’t have sex”

Santi nods. “I know, that’s fine. We don’t have to have sex every time we see each other”

You are still unsure what to make of him. Santiago Garcia has been a mystery to you from day one, and each piece you learn only serves to further complicate him. “You want to just… hang out with me?”

Santi pulled back to look at you, concern on his face. “Of course I do. Baby I lo-” Santi stopped himself, realizing what he was about you say. He had never said I love you, he never stayed around long enough to do more than play house or hook up. He had never seen a future with anyone before you, no one mattered like you did… love was a big word, but when he saw the look on your face as he almost said it, he knew he couldn’t take the look of disappointment if he backed out. He swallowed all his nerves, and spoke again, holding both your hands. “I love you. And I don’t know what kind of guys you have been around, but I want to spend time with you with or without sex. You are just… you are everything to me.”

You face back tears on this high emotion day, and nod your head frantically, smiling. “I love you too, Santi, so much” and kissed him, feeling significantly less humiliated and significantly more infatuated with him.

Santi spent the day taking care of you, downloading instacart just to order the supplements you needed and pizza rolls you said were essential. He cuddled up next to you, rubbing your bloated tummy and pretending not to hear when you got gas, and rubbing lotion on your lower back and stomach where you cramped, bringing out the heating pad he used when his back bothered him. When you went to bed that night, thoroughly impressed that he had gotten you overnight pads AND regular, you decidedly had kept space between the two of you.

“Baby?” Santi spoke as he turned off the lights. “It’s fine if you don’t feel like cuddling but-”

“I’m trying to not bleed on you again” you blurt out

Santi grabs you, making you squeal as he pulls you towards him “If getting blood on me is what it takes to fall asleep like this every night, I won’t hesitate to choose this”

***********

[supercriminalbean]

Mercy. Derek Morgan x GN!Reader

Okay so this is my first Derek Morgan fic, I wrote this ages ago just finished editing again. I tried a different writing style, not sure how I feel about it yet. Anyway, I hope you like it. 

Summary: Taking a bullet for Derek, how badly hurt do you get, only time will tell if you live. Gender neutral reader (they/them pronouns) Based on the song Mercy by Shawn Mendes

Warnings: Guns, blood, weapons, swearing, angst, fluff, talk of death, hospitals, doctors, ambulances. (If I have forgotten anything let me know)

Words: 1.6K

Heart pounding in your chest, as you come to a standstill. After chasing the unsub into the barn, your weapon is drawn at him. Morgan standing slightly in front of you to the left, his gun trained on the unsub. Mike facing towards you and Morgan, his gun pointed at Morgan, his face pale, realising there was no escape. 

“Mike there is no way out, put the gun down” Morgan voice breaking the silence, the firm order startling Mike.

“No, I am not going back to jail, Not after everything I've been through” His anger making his body shake. Your hand gripping the gun harder waiting to see if you need to take the shot.

“Mike, you have had a rough life, we get that man, if you help us, we may be able to cut you a deal” Morgan glances at the door behind Mike, as JJ and Reid make their way quietly behind him, their guns pointed at him.

“Help you, how am I supposed to help you?” The anger flowing through Mike, his eyes bouncing between you and Morgan, hatred and fear, present in his eyes.

“If you help us catch your Brother, we can tell the court you were cooperative with us, you won’t get Life in prison if you help us” Your voice softer than Morgan’s, giving him a small reassuring smile. 

“No, I will never turn on my family” Mike's body tense up at the mention of his brother, his finger moving to the trigger a little hesitant to press it. Morgan lifts his hand up higher ready to shoot if it comes to it. Eyes widen as you see a red laser dot, appearing on Morgan's head. Glancing behind you, spotting a guy laying low though the window, a gun pointed at Morgan.   

“Get down” Yelling loud as you jump towards Morgan. Shutting your eyes as you hit the ground. Hearing five echoing bangs.

Breathing heavily, as your side starts throbbing. Feeling dizzy, ears ringing loudly, unable to hear anything else. Feeling something wet sliding down your side. Someone rolls you onto your back, your eyes slowly open, taking a few seconds for them to focus due to the light. Seeing Morgan leaning over you, his shocked face staring down at you. His hands pressing hard into your side. Your hearing comes back steadily, hearing voices, your eyes shoot over to Reid. Seeing him standing there talking into his ear piece, fear across his face. Your eyelids feel heavy again, you let them close as you grow tired.

“Open your eyes, (Y/n) look at me” Morgan's sharp voice. Making you focus, fluttering your eyes open.

“Tired Derek, wanna sleep” Your voice comes out weakly, your brain feeling foggy trying to force on Morgan's face.

“I know, but you can’t not yet” The worry leaking into his voice, as he sees the blood leaking from your side. Reid drops to his knees beside Morgan.

“Medic five minutes out” The panic invading Reid's voice. He notices blood coming out from your thigh as well, his hands quick to find the other wound, putting pressure on it.

“Your hurt” Your voice comes out weak, almost hoarsely like. Your eyes are fluttering, feeling too heavy to keep them open. Moving your hands move towards Morgan, noticing blood on his shirt.

“No (Y/n) Im fine, I need you to hold on okay, we are going to get you help” He begs as tears spring to his eyes, noticing you growing paler as the seconds go by. The fog in your brain starts to lift slightly. Realsion of what happened setting in. Your body grows colder, as reality starts slipping from you, everything starts to go darker. Hearing voices calling out your name, trying your hardest to force on Morgan. Using all the strength you have left, to whisper out.

“I would gladly do it twice”

As darkness fully takes over.

Morgan sits in the waiting room, staring at the floor. His body is fully shaking as he waits for his team to arrive. He rode in the ambulance with you, watching as they tried to bring you back. 

“Morgan” Hearing someone call out to him, making him look up. Seeing Hotch and Rossi rapidly race towards him. Morgan stands up slowly, his body feeling weak. Legs shaking, finding it hard to stand, his shirt was soaked in blood.

“What the hell happened, are they okay?” Rossi questions him carefully, his heart skipping beats. The amount of blood on Morgan was alarming, it's almost impossible to survive with that amount of blood lost.

“I.. they're in surgery, they struggled to bring them back” Morgan's voice was breaking, everything starts spinning, his legs buckling underneath him. Hotch and Rossi manage to grab his arms, gently lowering him into a chair. 

“Morgan you're going into shock I need you to focus on me” Hotch’s calmly firm voice, making Morgan look up at him. Tears sliding down his face, his breathing seems to speed up. His hands gripping his own legs, as they continually shake uncontrollably. Hotch kneels in front of him grabbing his hands, which are covered in dried blood.

“Derek you're safe now, (Y/N) is in the best place they can be” He nods as he takes in Hotch's words, his mind playing over the last words they said to him.

“I would gladly do it twice”

Hours upon hours had passed, Garcia turned up to the hospital, hoping for some good news as she arrived, but you are still in surgery. Morgan had cleaned himself up when Reid turned up with a change of clothes for him. The team is just waiting in silence. JJ had arrested the other unsub, making the case officially closed. Now all they have to do is wait and hope you pull through. It's been about 12 hours when Hotch goes and talks to the doctors, walking back to the team, taking a breath as he breaks the silence, everyone staring up at him, praying for some good news.

“The doctors said the surgery could still be a couple hours, there seem to be a few issues but (Y/n) is still fighting” Hotch lets out a sigh as everyone's hope seems to drop even more. “I want you all to head back to the hotel and get some rest, there is no point all of us just waiting around” Hotch tries keeping his voice strong, he's the unit chef he needs to be strong for his team.

“No i'm not leaving them here” Morgans the first to reply, shaking his head. Garcias sitting beside him holding his hand, her head resting on his shoulder.

“We can’t leave them alone” Garcia speaks weakly, tears fresh on her face again.

“They won’t be alone, I will stay here, and I will ring with any news” The calmness of Hotch's words bring little to no comfort to the team.

“Hotch is right, It does no good us being here” Rossi sighs standing up, “We can go back to the hotel rest and be stronger for when (Y/n) needs us in the morning” 

In good time the team soon agree, with the promise of Hotch staying in contact when news comes available. As the team follows Rossi out, Morgan doesn't move from his seat looking up at Hotch, a determined look in his bloodshot eyes. 

“I'm not leaving”

“I know”

Groaning softly, trying to move your hand to turn your alarm off, the annoying buzzing waking you up from a deep sleep.

“(Y/n), Moring” A soft calming voice, makes you open your eyes slowly. They feel heavy, blinking a few times as you adjust to the bright lights. Looking over, seeing Morgan sitting beside you smiling weakly, looking exhausted. Taking your time to look around, taking a few seconds to realise where you are. Your eyes soon settle back on Morgan.

“You look like shit Morgs” Smiling weakly at him, earning a soft laugh from him.

“You should look in the mirror (Y/n/n)” Sighing softly as he leans back in his seat. “How are you feeling?”

“Drugged up, tired” Chuckling slightly, wincing as you sit up straighter, “what happened?” rubbing your head lightly.

“You don’t remember?” 

“I remember a little, there was red light on your head, then after that it's just blurry” Groaning quietly as the light from the window shines at you, seeing the sun rising. Morgan gets up, moving to close the blind, earning a weak smile from you.

“You pushed me out of the way, You got shot twice, one bullet piercing through an artery, you're lucky you didn’t die” He huffs annoyed as he sits back down. Relaxing into the chair, tiredness now capturing him, knowing you're safe.

“Derek, I didn't die, I'm right here” Leaning forward, taking his hand gently.

“The thing is (Y/N) You did die, and they barely got you back, you were in surgery for 15 hours, 15 fucking hours” Morgan tries sounding angry. But he's too tired to hide how relieved he is to hear you speak again.

“Im sorry Derek, but I saved your life and I would —”

“You would gladly do it twice?” Morgan smirks, shaking his head.

“How do you know I was going to say that?” Raising an eyebrow staring at him, confused.

“It was the last thing you said before you blacked out,” Morgan smiles softly, kissing your hand gently pulling away. When Garcia runs in followed by the rest of the team, their faces filled with joy, seeing you alive.

[notmyprey]

Pt 2 of this

I sit there crying for a while. I can feel Clair shaking inside my stomach. She's probably crying, too, but I can't hear her over my own sobs.

Soon, my tears devolve into sniffles, and I hear her muffled sniffling as well. I instincts rub my hand against the sheets on my bed, trying to find a way to calm myself down.

Soon, my heart settles, and I take a moment to try to understand what is happening. Clair is, somehow, inside my stomach, that I know for certain. I also know that she is smaller than me, decently smaller, but even then, she isn't small enough for me to swallow. It, by all means, does not make sense.

As I think about the situation at hand, another thought crosses my mind. Is this a dream? It can't be. Everything feels too real. But, even knowing that, I still find myself using a technique I read that helps differentiate dreams from reality.

I look at a poster, read the words, look away, and then look back to see if they change. Of course, they didn't change.

I sigh, I just can't wrap my head around anything right now. My brain feels foggy, probably from all the crying I was doing.

I hear and feel a small gurgle come from my stomach, forcing me to look down.

It is so strange. Little parts of my stomach jut out in weird ways, each bump seeming to move constantly. But the weirdest part is that Clair is right there. Right under my skin. If I just reach out with my hand, I will be able to feel her, not only inside me but also with my hand.

Without thinking, and without the panic and guilt I was feeling earlier, I put my hand on top of where Clairs head was under my skin.

My touch makes her squirm a bit, almost as if she is trying to move away from me. It is a sensation that I never thought I would feel. What was sickening only moments ago now feels like butterflies, not unlike the feeling you feel when near someone you care for, and with each touch, one flutters.

She shifts again, and I can help but smile. I now find that I am starting to feel better, almost happy, about the situation at hand. Yes, it feels strange still. But it's starting to be in less of a bad way. I am perfectly full, making me tired. The only person that I truly care for is here, right under my skin. Maybe I can let myself be happy about this. It's peaceful, and I couldn't be more grateful to have Clair so close.

That is until I hear her start to cry again, and I quickly discard any ounce of joy I have been getting from this. My heart breaks all over again, this time, though, from the fact I had decided to disregard her feelings so quickly. How could I be so mean? She obviously isn't enjoying this, and I shouldn't either.

I remove my hand, "I'm sorry." I wisper, a new guilt festering.

"Can you try again, p-please?" Clair said through tears.

I don't waste any time and quickly begin heaving, trying to force her into my throat. Again, nothing happens except for Clair being smashed even more than she is already.

I can't think of what to say. She doesn't want to be here. I can't just tell her that I can't get her out, I can't disappoint her like that. But I also can't just lie, get her hopes up, and break her all over again.

"Clair?" I bring my hand up, wanting to hold her even closer, but decide against it, and place my hand back down.

I hear another sniffle and a quick shove, followed by Clair moving around. Quickly though, she stops and asks in a defeated tone, "You can't get me out still, can you?"

"Im sorry. I-I promise I didn't mean to do this. I dont even know how you ended up..." I pause, staring down at my stomach, "in here..." I trail off, ashamed.

Clair stiffens, her only movement being her breathing. "You dont remember what you did? You dont remember going bat shit and scarfing me down?" She spat, her voice low and icy.

"No, I-I dont..."

"The fuck you dont." I feel a sharp pain, any it quickly registers that Clair had kicked me. "I dont- I dont understand why. I just- I'm supposed to be your friend, and I thought... I thought..." Slowly, her anger turns into sadness once more.

"Clair," I say, my voice breaking, "please. You have to believe me. I don't remember-"

I feel another sharp kick, this one aimed at my lungs, knocking the wind out of me. "I dont need to believe you." She asserts, hurt seeping into her voice.

"Clair, I can't get you out. Please, I promise I tried. I don't want you to be here. I didn't want this..." My tears drip down on top of my stomach with a gentle splatt, then drip downward.

"I just want out. I hate it... Please... Please.."

[stormyoceans]

top5 puentalay kisses/hugs?

im pretty late with this but i would never pass up a chance to be annoying about vice versa so here we go!!!!!!! (also im not sure if i was supposed to pick only one of the two but again I SIMPLY CANNOT PASS UP A CHANCE TO BE ANNOYING ABOUT VICE VERSA IM SORRY)

TOP 5 PUENTALAY KISSES

1. greyllery kiss in episode 8. this is their first mutual kiss after two one-sided kisses, three almost kisses, three cheek kisses, and one forehead kiss. not to mention the hugs, the cuddles, the promises, the sleeping in the same bed, the taking a bath together, and i could go on but imma stop here before i get involuntary committed. we waited so long for this kiss and when it finally happened it was everything we could have ever asked for and MORE: the confession, the music, the parallels with the glasshouse kiss, the fact that it happens when the lights are out because they love each other for who they really are and not for the body they inhabit, puen's single tear......IT'S PERFECT.

2. glasshouse kiss in episode 4. i know having a one-sided kiss for second place doesn't seem fair but in my defense this kiss makes me go through such a plethora of human emotions that i feel like i need to go lay in the dirt for several hours to climb down from the sheer manic unhinged rabid energies that got me going on. y’all must be tired of hearing me say the same things over and over again about this kiss but. the build up!!!!!! the emotions!!!!!! the music!!!!!! IM NOT EVEN KIDDING WHEN I TELL YOU THIS KISS IS MY ROMAN EMPIRE.

3. beach kiss in our skyy episode 2. our skyy may have given us only one kiss but WHAT A KISS IT WAS. it feels like a sum of all their previous ones, the cycle closing with a recollection of the past and a promise for the future, as the kiss itself lets us know that no matter what's gonna happen from that moment on, they will always love each other like the very first day. and if the reminder of the drunk kiss in episode 2 wasn’t enough to drive this point across, the song they used during this scene is the same as the one they played during the greyllery kiss, which you know. [FEMALE HYSTERIA]   

4. foggy glasses kiss in episode 12. honestly can't think of any other scene in television history that was able to so perfectly portray a fictional character being left breathless, lightheaded, and weak at the knees by a kiss. the way puen is holding talay's head with BOTH OF HIS HANDS to keep talay in place which barely gives talay any time to take a breath...... the way they're so close and entangled in each other that you can barely tell where one starts and the other ends...........this kiss literally be turning both me and talay into the 🥴 emoji every single time.

5. reunion kiss in episode 11. it was a tough choice between this one and the bathtub kiss in episode 10, but in the end i had to go with their first kiss in their real bodies, not just because of this, but because there's so much love and comfort and reassurance packed in it. this kiss is the meeting of two souls who have missed and found each other again. it's the promise of being together for the rest of their life AND I FEEL SO NORMAL ABOUT IT IT’S HONESTLY INSANE HOW NORMAL AND HINGED AND SANE AND FINE I FEEL ABOUT IT.

TOP 5 PUENTALAY HUGS

1. reunion hug in episode 11. LITERALLY THEE SINGLE MOST SCENE EVER IN THE HISTORY OF TELEVISION IT CHANGED THE TRAJECTORY OF MY LIFE THE FOUNDATION OF MY PERSONHOOD AND THE CHEMICAL MAKE UP OF MY BRAIN. puen says "you must be very tired. from now on, things will be okay," and that's exactly the feeling this hug conveys: everything will be fine, you're home now.

2. comfort hug in episode 6. my grasp on the english language is too limited to even attempt to put into words what this hug did to me the first time i've watched it. it made me mentally deranged in ways so profound they will only become apparent years down the line. to this day there are people out there wondering why talay even likes puen and the urge to shove this scene under their nose is immeasurable. FIND YOURSELF A PARTNER WHO WILL LISTEN TO YOUR FEARS, GIVE YOU COMFORT, AND HUG YOU THROUGH THE NIGHT TO MAKE YOU FEEL SAFE!!!!!!! (@GOD ME WHEN)

3. reconciliation hug in episode 7. I NEEDED THIS HUG JUST AS MUCH AS PUEN DID TBH. talay initiating any kind of physical affection always feels incredibly special and precious, and it is so much more here because this is him finally realizing that puen's feelings are sincere. this hug is the turning point of their relationship as talay implicitly accepts puen's love and confesses his own. it’s just so emotionally satisfying [SOBS]

4. back hug in episode 12 and in our skyy episode 1. LOOK I KNOW IM CHEATING BUT. THE DOMESTICITY THE COMFORT THE TENDERNESS THE AFFECTION THE ADORATION THE SOFTNESS THE WARMTH THE PARALLELISM THE ROMANTICISM THE SOULMATISM THE TRUE LOVISM OF IT ALL. YEARS LATER THEY'RE STILL THE SAME.

5. hourglass hug in episode 12. the hourglass with the sand that doesn’t fall!!!!!!! i don't want time to go by without you!!!!!!! from this moment on it's you and me!!!!!!! ‘city’ playing in the background!!!!!!! the moon watching over them!!!!!!! WAILING WEEPING HOWLING SCREECHING CRYING SOBBING SCREAMING--

[verpine95]

BDAY GIFT FOR MY FRIEND @mail-me-a-snail HAPPY BIRTHDAY IM SO GLAD I KNOW U

(V/Johnny Silverhand Smut below the cut, very very much NSFW)

Vance wearily laid down in his apartment. The last three days had been spent chasing some fucker back and forth across NC. His muscles ached from the whole ordeal. Vance was glad to be home, even if the apartment was sort of crummy it’d do. Too tired to even change out of clothes, he laid there, waiting for the embrace of sleep to take him away from the conscious world.

Time passed, and after an annoying amount of time, Vance realized his brain wouldn’t stop going. He needed a distraction, he needed to relax.

Flicking on the TV blasted Just AdsTM across the apartment and he quickly shut it off, trash content as it was. He didn’t have anything to read and he wasn’t hungry.

Johnny would have some quippy to say about all this, Vance was sure. But, he hadn’t seen the rocker around in his head for a little bit. On one hand it meant things were a little quieter, but on the other hand, and he was loath to admit this, he missed him. He missed his stupid commentary and that stupid smirk and that stupid way Johnny could get him riled up.

The thought of Johnny started to seep into his gut, putting some heat there. Vance thought about it for a second or two before thinking “Fuck it”.

His brain danced around Johnny’s voice, his cocky attitude, and what they could get up to with a few drinks in their system.

With a few buckles undone, Vance slid his hands down to his crotch, starting to grind against his fingertips over his pants.

His nerves lit up, this was what he needed right now, and he needed it badly.

The man let out a groan, and pressed harder against his cock, “Fuck.” He slipped his hand into his pants and touched his eager cock. He was hard and wet, his body more desperate than he had even realized.

Vance slicked up his fingers and ran them against his cock, seizing pleasure from his body as best he could. His head felt foggy, but that felt good. As he did so, his wrist began to cramp from the confined space. He couldn’t quite touch himself in just the right spot.

With a frustrated noise and an unsteady hand, Vance unzipped his pants and pushed them down to his knees. They didn’t need to be all the way off, he just needed a better angle. Pressing his index and middle fingers against the tip of his dick did it, he bucked his hips into the sensation.

An electronic shimmer flashed, and Johnny Silverhand leaned against the windowsill by the foot of the bed. He looked down at Vance with a smirk.

“Having fun there?”

“God shut the fuck up, Johnny. You’re such an ass,” Vance breathed. He had a heady fog in his head, and despite the compromised position he was in for Johnny to see, splayed out on his bed with his dick in his hand, he wasn’t unhappy to see the rocker.

The two men stared at each other for a moment, a heated silence between them. Vance couldn’t quite stop his hand from rubbing his dick however, and his hips rocked to show their approval.

Johnny pushed off the windowsill and stepped closer, “You look desperate, V. Almost like you’re happy to see me or somethin’.”

Vance’s dick ached at that.

“You don’t know anything, Silverhand,”

“You forgot we’re in the same head, Samurai. I know what you were thinking about earlier.”

Vance could feel himself getting closer to cumming, pent up as he was, and Johnny wasn’t helping him last any longer.

“You’re just rutting your dick against your hand, V,” Johnny went on, “You look like you’d be fun to play with.”

“If you’re gonna do something then do it, or get out,” Vance said, trying to maintain authority.

Johnny came down onto the bed, placing one knee between V’s legs, leaning over his torso, putting his face close to V’s. Vance could smell the sweat, and grease from Johnny which just turned him on more. His fingers were a blur, he was getting so close to cumming.

Johnny whispered into Vance’s ear, “I’ll do something V, you just gotta let me,” and he placed his chrome fingers barely against Vance’s hand, waiting for his answer.

Vance paused and looked at Johnny before nodding and moving his hand. Johnny placed his fingers on V’s tip and went to work. Johnny played his strings like a guitar, plucking just the right notes to make Vance sing.

“Johnny, I’m gonna-”

Pleasure rocked through Vance’s body as he came, his legs tighten around Johnny’s hand preventing it from moving from that perfect spot that could drag out his orgasm. His body stuttered with each wave that rode through him. Eventually they began to lessen as his orgasm faded.

The two men laid there for a minute before Vance let out a breathe and said “Jesus, Johnny.”

Johnny let out a barking laugh and stood, “We should do this again sometime, V. Have fun cleaning up,” and vanished.

[sessa23]

Revelations: Part 6 (13th Doctor x Dhawan!master x reader)

(Summary: As you lay in the Tardis trying to get some sleep, you recieve a visit from a certain renegade time lord by way of a special crystal. After their visit you have a strange dream with four words which little do you know, he has heard before.)

The master was in his lab rummaging though all his various gadgets and inventions. He spotted something and a grin came on his face. He pulled it out from the back and looked at it.  It looked like a blue sapphire "Metebelis crystal...it's been a long time since I've seen this." He turned and held the crystal in his grasp "this will enhance my Psychic abilities" He walked out of the lab and into his TARDIS library, he sat down on the chase sofa and began to focus. He closed his eyes "Contact" he whispered

Meanwhile You had gone to your room in the TARDIS to get some sleep, after putting on your pyjamas. You laid down and closed your eyes "Contact." You heard whispered in your mind. You opened your eyes and sat up. The Master grinned "Hello Y/N." Your eyes darted around for something to defend yourself with but he grabbed you by the chin and forced his gaze to meet yours. "Now now, there's no need for that." You blinked as your mind began to have a foggy sensation. It was the same sensation you had when the master hypnotised you in the classroom.

You went to call out for the doctor but when you tired to say her name or call for help no sound came out. He chuckled "I had a feeling you would try that. So I thought ahead." Your eyes widened "what...how could you hypnotise me over this distance?"

The master had hidden the crystal from you "Like I told you love. I already have control over your mind." You tried to move but it was almost as if you were stuck bed. He sighed, you were shocked "how are you here in the TARDIS." The Master stood up "That's the neat part... im not technically here in the room but I can still see your surroundings, touch and communicate with you isn't that impressive?"

He turned back to you and he smiled waiting for your reaction "how is that possible?" He looked at you "you and I for some reason have been able to talk telepathically over a great distance and I've been able to see into your mind. I'm curious as to how you and I have this link. So far I haven't found anything but I will."

Your eyes were still locked on to his "I enjoy our little chats. I love how your mind works,I can't wait to unravel all those mysteries inside that little human brain of yours."

Before you could respond he sat down on the bed "Now, will you remember this when you wake up? You'll just have to see." He put his fingers to your temple and smiled "Sweet dreams." You eyes closed as you fell back onto the pillow.

you disappeared from the Master's sight and his surroundings returned to that of his lab. The master put the crystal in his jacket pocket "this will be useful but all in good time."

He left the lab and went back to the TARDIS console room. At the same time you began to dream. An man in a dark uniform appeared before you.  "You didn't follow orders, we had a plan in place and you completly disregarded it."  You turned and saw three people standing before them all wearing the same black uniform. One stepped forward "we had to act quickly or they would have died we couldn't just stand idle while they were massacred."

Then man took a deep breath "You are not in this organisation to think. You are to obey the orders of your superior officers." The three were silent before the man spoke again, "the three of you will reprimanded." The dreamscape then changed the three people had fallen to the ground in pain "You can't do this to us. You can't" one of them yelled. Something caused you to turn and you saw three machines, a voice echoed "the power of three"

With a gasp you woke up, disturbed about the dream you just had. As you got up the last words spoken in the echoed in your mind "The power of three." You mumbled to yourself, back in the Master's TARDIS he repeated the same words "The Power of three" the muttered to himself in his lab

[lizard-shifter-noms]

Wayward Waters Chapter 6

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Hello everyone! Chapter 6!

time to explore more of the world!

this Story contains Vore, Dont like dont read.

have fun reading!

and as always Reblogs are appreciated! (Also ASK’s are open so feel free to bother me!)

AO3 Link for those that prefer the layout there;

AO3 Wayward waters

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I blinked and slowly woke up, seeing a wooden ceiling.

My head felt heavy and my thoughts foggy.

Did I fall off the mast?

“Whhuh?”

I tried to sit up but a somewhat webbed hand forced my head back onto the pillow.

“Please stay on the bed for now, we don't know how exactly you will react to Rimkir root so don't move”

What root? And reacting to it?

My vision was still blurry and my head foggy but I felt like I was in the wrong place.

“Wha hapn?”

I felt extremely confused, the last thing i could recall was, uhh..

Oh right, sitting on top of the mast and having a FUCKING Panic attack!

I tried to sit up but the half webbed hands shoved me down again.

“I said to stay put! Does nobody ever listen to medical advice? You're just as bad as Ronan!”

I blearily looked up at the person I could now identify as Imik.

And I had almost forgotten that Ronan was also somewhere in the ship.

“Wha? Did he wake up? Wait what happened to me? Why am I not on the mast anymore?”

Imik looked tired, at least from what I could see and I suddenly felt bad.

It wasn't their fault, they shouldn't have to deal with my shit.

“He woke up a few hours ago, He's better now but tried to walk around right away. 

I ended up tucking the blankets so tight that he can't move anymore.

As for you, well you had a pretty bad panic attack.

We ended up sedating you so we could get you down from Jamie's nest, which was kind of a logistical nightmare.

Do you feel any better now?”

Sedating me? Was that what the sweet smelling thing had been?

“Uh, im better now, my brain foggy tho”

Imik absentmindedly nodded and then bent down to fetch something from the floor.

He then handed me a big glass filled with clear water.

“Drink something, I'll have to go and see if Ronan managed to wiggle out of the bed, but you can just yell if you need anything else”

With that he left and I was alone in a small room that definitely belonged to someone else.

There were knicknacks strewn about and half a shirt looked out of a chest that had been shoved into a corner, making it look like the wooden thing was sticking its tongue out.

I stared at the glass, wondering whose room I was in, judging by the sizing of things it definitely wasn't Jamie’s, if they even had a normal room aside from the nest thing.

Whatever, I smelled the water to make sure it wasn't salty before slowly drinking it.

My brain still felt a little foggy but compared to the panic attack I preferred it.

I laid back on the bed and just stared at the ceiling for a while.

All of this sucked, like a LOT.

Man, I wanted home!

I kept laying there for half an hour feeling extremely bored.

At least until I heard footsteps on the other side of the apparently rather thin wooden wall if the sound of voices was anything to go by.

“...-anic attacks really suck, what are we supposed to do if he gets another one?” “Well for one not let him climb the mast again! What was the big idea for that anyway?” “It wasn't my Idea! I think he wanted to climb it out of curiosity!”

“And you let him? No wait, I bet you even taunted him for every mistake he made while climbing!”

“So what?”

“Guys, calm down”

“So what? SO WHAT? You keep egging people on! On the stupidest of things! I swear one of these days someone is going to jump in an underwater volcano because of you!”

“I assume im being ignored for the sake of anger once again”

“No, that's just not true! Unlike most people I've met, I know when to stop!” “Really? You do? What about the time you-‽  MMPh!”

“That was one time! You're really gonna harp on THAT Forever?”

“Jamie take your foot out of Imiks face please”

Okay what was going on out there?

I stood up and went to the door, opening it to a rather comedic sight.

Jamie had their clawed foot in Imiks face and squished his cheeks while Imik gripped Jamie's arm and tried to push them away to no avail.

Also I was pretty sure the position they were in was only possible due to Jamies weird legs seeing as they were both rather contorted and tried to strangle each other.

They froze when tha saw me in the position they were in, with Jamie half of the ground, foot in Imiks face and Imik trying to wrestle Jamie away.

Also Akeem was behind them.

Both Jamie and Imik looked at me.

“Ignore this!” “Didn't I tell you to rest?”

Came it from them in unison.

“It's a bit hard to rest when you guys are so loud, what are you even doing?”

They let go of each other, Jamie somehow not falling over.

“Nothing important!”

They said at the same time only to be suddenly grabbed and lifted off the ground by Akeem, leaving their legs dangling out of reach of the floor.

“Apologies Donovan, we will stop bothering you now”

I just stared at him for a second.

Then Jamie wriggled around and started scratching his face with their clawed feet, creating the sound of cat claws on a tile floor.

Despite the assault on his face he didn't even flinch, or blink.

Must be nice to be able to not give a single fuck about that.

“Uh, okay? I do feel better now, how's Ronan?”

Imik pointed two doors down the hall before he and Jamie were dragged away by Akeem.

Jamie still trying to scratch his face unsuccessfully.

Well, that was weird. 

I walked to the door Imik had pointed at and knocked softly.

I felt better now and just laying around was not doing me any favors, Might as well see how Ronan is doing.

“Ronan? Are you awake?”

I heard some rustling sounds and a dull thump, What the hell was he doing?

“Door is unlocked! You can come in!”

Of course the door was unlocked, scatterbrained as he was.

I slowly opened it and saw Ronan lying on the bed, only half under the covers and with his feet on the headrest.

So the sounds I had heard were him jumping back into bed.

He looked at me confusedly.

“Oh, uh, Donovan? You're… smaller”

Oh right, last he saw of me was when I turned Giant to transport him out of the Eel pit.

“Yep, it's me, how are you? 

The eel bites looked nasty, do you feel any better?”

He nodded despite the weird angle he was laying in.

“I feel better! Still incredibly sore though, and there is one nasty bite on my lower arm! Look at it!”

He held his arm up and began undoing the bandages.

I looked on for a second in shock before swiftly walking up to him and stopping him by holding his free arm away from the bandages.

“I believe you! I think you should let the bandages stay on, if you're so keen on showing me you can just get me the next time you change them okay?”

He looked disappointed but relented luckily.

“Sooo how come you're smaller? And two legged? OH! Can you shapeshift into anything else? And how do you do it? Can you use magic? If so, what kind?”

I was taken aback a little by the wall of questions he threw at me.

“Can you maybe ask one question at a time? I barely remember the first one you asked!”

He stopped talking and blinked confusedly.

“Oh sorry! So should I start again but slower?”

I looked at him with a deadpan face.

“As far as i know you should be resting, and i'm pretty sure i heard you running around, i just came in here to see how you're doing”

“Oh come on! I'll be fine! Ain't the worst that's happened to me! And I was just at the window! I wanted to let Imugi know I'm better!”

As nice as wanting to tell his Sea Serpent that he was okay now was he really shouldn't run around with what was essentially a lot of small lightning damage.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, still not feeling all that good myself yet.

“Five questions, but then you have to promise to rest as long as Akeem says”

Akeem seemed the most level headed out of them so this seemed reasonable to me, besides I did not want Ronan to injure himself further.

His face seemed to light up at the prospect of getting to ask Five questions though and I felt like I'd regret that soon enough.

“Okay! Deal! Soo first question uhhh, 

OH! How many forms can you shapeshift into?”

At least he picked an easy one for the first question.

“Three, the fuzzy green thing you saw, which is called an Ardua by the way, the Giant one and this human sized one, that's all”

“What? Only that? Man and here I was hoping for a cool dragon or something! 

So wait, I just remembered you barely ate anything as the… Ardua you called it? Do the plants on your back do photosynthesis? And can you use their energy?

Question number two, and quite an observant one, especially for a scatterbrained guy like him.

“Yes to both of those, like plants i can get get energy from sunlight if i'm in that form, which is pretty practical”

His eyes went wide and he started fiddling with the blanket.

“Ohhh! Man that must be awesome to not need to eat! 

If Imik didn't remind me I'd forget it sometimes!

Okay next question, number three right?

Your Giant form looked really tall! Any idea how tall exactly?”

How tall? Well he was in luck that had just been very recently measured.

“According to Jamie who measured me out of Boredom i'm forty five feet tall, no idea if that's accurate though”

“Forty five??? Fuck that's really tall! And I doubt Jamie made a mistake in measuring, they helped in the past measuring things in the past and it was always pretty accurate, so it's probably correct!”

So Jamie was right about me being forty five feet tall,  good to know that I was garbage at estimating my own height.

“Okay question four! Uhhh, what's your preferred form? Like the fuzzy one? Or the Giant one? Which one?”

My favorite form? Hmmm, each had their advantages and drawbacks.

The Ardua form looked scary and had no thumbs, the Giant one was strong but didn't fit in a house, The human form did fit in a house but was comparatively weak.

“Uhh to be honest no idea, they all have their advantages and drawbacks like, the fuzzy one does not have thumbs, the Giant one is too big for a lot of things, and the human sized one is weak compared to the other two.

I guess i like the Ardua form for sleeping though, in that form even sleeping on the floor is somewhat comfy”

He nodded wildly and seemed to think for a moment.

“Okay, Question number five, How do you shift? Is it like magic? Or more Biologically? I've seen Merfolk that can change their tail into legs and back! Is it like that?”

Of course that's what he HAD to ask, ugh, but I told him I'd answer five questions so that's what i was gonna do, not like he could use the bracelet anyway.

I held up the arm with the bracelet and tapped it.

“Don't tell anyone but this thing lets me shift, and no you can't use it, it's locked to the genetic code or whatever Oakley called it, meaning if anyone without the necessary genes puts it on they will die.

So do NOT under any circumstances put it on, you hear me?” He nodded, gaze transfixed on the reflective material of the bracelet.

“That is so cool! 

As soon as we're back to base you have to show me all the forms!”

Well, that went better than expected, at least he wasn't asking to wear it himself but maybe the warning did come across to his brain properly.

“I'm fine with that, the sooner we get there the sooner you get to poke at the forms and the sooner I can get back home!” He nodded frantically, nearly tearing holes in his blanket with his nails.

“Oh if you help me to the window I can tell Imugi to go extra fast! And tell her I'm fine! I didn't quite make it to the window before you came in…”

He admitted and I rolled my eyes, this guy's self preservation was Garbage at best.

“Alright, just don't complain to me when your wounds reopen!”

“Oh don't worry! I have a high pain tolerance!”

That comment made me think back to Fable,  the poor guy also had no idea what happened to me.

God, I missed him as well.

“That does not sound as reassuring as you think!”

He just shrugged and I helped him stand up by slinging one of his arms over my shoulder, idly noting he was about the same height as me.

Then I slowly maneuvered him to be right next to the window which he immediately opened.

“IMUGI!”

There was an excited whistle click sound and suddenly Imugi was in front of the bullseye shaped window which was too small to let her fit her head in.

Not that she didn't try tough.

Ronan just stuck his hand out instead.

“I'm fine girl, and I'd be even better the faster we reach home. 

Can you be a dear and bring us to Kariba Island as fast as possible?”

Imugi made a weird sound that was a mix of chirping and whistling and dived under and out of sight again.

Only a moment later there was a tug on the boat and I could literally feel how we went faster.

I held onto Ronan so he wouldn't fall over.

“Man she's fast! And she's towing the entire boat!” Ronan laughed at that.

“Yes! She can hold that tempo for quite some time as well! You should see her zoom around without being tied to the boat! I even made a saddle! I keep falling off though so I gotta tinker on it still!”

I wasn't sure what surprised me more, that the Sea serpent could hold this tempo for an entire day or that Ronan made an entire fucking saddle for her.

Okay the saddle somehow surprised me less, and even less that he still had to tinker on it.

“A saddle? Really? I hope you can hold your breath well then! 

Now let's get you back to bed”

He grinned and nodded, half hanging over my shoulder like a wet cat.

“Fine by me! A deal is a deal! And I got to tell Imugi I'm fine so that's even better!”

I gently guided him back to bed and set him on it properly, not the weird upside down thing he did before. 

“Oh before you go! Could you hand me a book to read? Its so fucking boring just laying around!”

While talking he pointed at a closet that was built into the wall of the room with lockable drawers.

The keys for it were on a hook right next to it that was bent so much the ship would have to be upside down for them to fall off.

I took the keys and opened the drawer he had pointed at, seeing a total of ten books, picking two random ones I chucked them on the bed where Ronan immediately grabbed them like a possessive drake.

“Thanks! Finally less boredom! Also I hope when we get there we'll find a way to get you back to your friends!”

I stopped for a moment where I was in the doorway.

“Thank you for helping, now just focus on getting better Imugi had looked so sad when you got Injured!”

That seemed to surprise him.

“She did? Ough, I gotta apologize for that later to her!”

“Not only her, Jamie, Akeem and Imik where also worried as fuck!”

With that i left the room and closed the door behind me.

Man, what a chaotic bunch, but at least we were closer to that Kariba island now. 

Maybe I should ask them if they got a map of the island?

Knowing what it looked like might be nice.

On the way back to the deck I ran into Jamie, who immediately grabbed my arm with one of their bird leg claws, and dragged me along.

Man they were strong for someone so small, first getting dragged into the nest and now I was forced to keep up while they only hopped forwards on one leg.

“You GOTTA see what Island we are going past right now! And it's just the right season too!”

Island? Right season? What?

“Wait a second, what do you mean? 

Why are you dragging me to see an island? 

Are we going to stop there?”

They just shook their heads, dragging me onto the deck and towards the railing.

“Nah, we ain't gonna stop! So that's why you have to look now!”

Well, I had no idea what this was about if we weren't even stopping at that island but I still looked if only to stop Jamie from digging their claws in even more.

The island we were sailing past was VERY colorful and looked to be completely overgrown by every flower possible in this climate, giving it an almost unreal appearance.

“How many flowers are there? And how come they all grow there?”

Jamie just grinned widely, showing a pair of dull fangs.

“Ha! I knew the guy with plants on his back would like this! 

Apparently some odd years ago a ship that was supposed to bring lots of rare flower seeds to who knows where got stranded on the island and broke in two! 

The seeds were just left there and at some point started growing!”

All the flowers were from a single shipwreck? 

Wow, I was almost tempted to ask them to stop the boat so I could try and get some for Robin but that would mean wasting even more time.

Suddenly a webbed hand grabbed the railing from outside,  heaving the attached body onboard again.

It was, of course, Imik.

He also had a little burlap bag slung over his shoulder.

“I found some seeds that were waterproof packaged! Part of the wreck is actually still there! Just underwater!”

Man Imik had to be a fast swimmer to get there and back while we drifted past it, the island wasn't really all that big even.

He then reached into the bag and tossed me a little thumb sized box made out of bronze, shaking it I could hear lots of little things hit against each other.

“Here! You can have one! I doubt those contain any plant that's not already growing on the island!”

“Oh, uh, thank you, I actually know someone that would love this!”

He grinned, which showed a mouth full of shark-like teeth, and gave a thumbs up.

“Great! I myself am quite bad at keeping plants alive for longer than a week anyway!”

He then speed walked away to the door into the ship,  his webbed feet making a weird plap, plap noise as he walked.

Yep, chaotic bunch.

I stowed the thumb sized box away in the little bag that already contained the fossilized sea star for Fable.

Looking back at the island I noticed Jamie had used their claws to hold onto the railing and squat down like a bird would.

They really looked like a chicken right now with the way they sat on the wood.

I decided not to mention it and instead watch the flower island until it was out of sight.

It was really pretty, man I wished my friends could see this, Especially Robin! He'd love this!

At some point Jamie walked off,  going back up the mast to be the lookout again.

The island was out of sight now, Imugi was really fast, and strong, so i had nothing to do now.

I had already checked in on Ronan, Jamie was back up the mast and I was absolutely NOT climbing that again.

Maybe I could ask Akeem or Imik for something to do? Oh wait, Imik wanted to show me how to properly hold my breath for a really long time!

Then we got interrupted by the chaos on the eel island and kinda forgot.

Not to mention the fact I had a panic attack.

Yep, not fun.

I walked through the door I had seen Imik disappear into and found myself in a room filled with shelves and boxes, all nailed or screwed down so they would fall over should the ship be hit by a bigger wave.

The shelves themself were so constructed that they had drawers instead of bare wood to place things on, and every single one was lockable in a way that would prevent them from sliding open unprompted.

Quite an architectural feat in my opinion, and considering that Imik mentioned he was a treasure hunter they were probably filled with various things he brought up from the sea floor.

“Looking for something specific?”

I startled and turned around, coming face to face with the Merling.

“Oh, uh, kinda? You said you would show me how to hold my breath for a really long time?”

“Oh right, I did! Good timing, I was just getting bored again after stashing my new stuff!”

I was then dragged along for the second time today, but this time I was led to a more open space in the middle of the room which had a carpet nailed down on it that seemed to be made out of seaweed.

Remembering last time I had gotten a short instruction I sat down on the carpet while Imik did the same opposite of me.

“Okay where were we last time? Like what did I already tell you?”

“Uh, you told me to like, calm down and slow my heartbeat?”

He nodded, at least I had gotten that right.

“Apnea is about expanding the capacity of your lungs. 

At a depth of 30 meters, the lungs are only 25% of their actual size, so With diaphragmatic and lateral lung breathing, more air can be inhaled! 

And if you slow your heart down and are calm your body uses less air!

Fantastic isn't it?”

I had understood maybe half of what he was saying, but he'd probably show me anyway.

Yep. I was right in that as he started to explain how to control one's breathing among some other things.

And thus the day was spent learning how to do various breathing exercises.

While unusual it wasn't as boring as one would have thought, At one point I had to hold my breath while Imik tried to get me to laugh or poked at me.

Apparently that was to make sure I wouldn't spit all the air out should a fish startle me.

While probably true he seemed to have a good time with it, and it was a little funny

He had also been positively surprised when I told him about the only breathing thing I knew, to calm someone from a panic attack.

He immediately jotted it down in a random notebook.

We continued with that until the door was slammed open and Jamie waltzed in.

“AY! Dinner time you idiots!”

Already?, though, looking actually outside showed the sun was way lower than before. 

We really had spent all day with the Apnea diving thing huh?

Well, i did feel like i made some progress, like being able to hold my breath for about seven minutes now, Maybe more, we didn't have a clock.

Whatever, maybe now they had something to eat that wasn't sandwiches.

No they did not, and by now the bread was either stale or soggy again, somehow.

I politely declined under the guise that since I had plants on my back in Ardua Form I didn't need to eat anyway.

That and I didn't want to use more of their resources than I already did.

And so I got out of eating stale sandwiches, for now at least.

“Are you not a fan of sandwiches?” Asked Ronan then, gnawing on his own rather stale bread with what was probably marmalade.

“Well, depends, and not everyday for sure, don't you have anything else on board?

Since I had gotten onto the boat the only thing they had to eat were those sandwiches, which couldn't be healthy.

“Well, the dude that cooks had to stay home cuz he broke his ribs!”

Interjected Jamie nonchalantly while grabbing another bread.

“What?” “Yeah! The crane we have on board was getting some heavy box up and somehow slammed him into the wall! Apparently the pressure of being squished between the crate and the wall just snapped some of his Bones a few months ago! 

Good thing we know a pretty okay doc!”

I was just staring at Jamie who told a story like that completely nonchalantly.

Yeah, these guys had a few screws loose, maybe even used them to keep the boat together.

“Oh, well, I hope he gets well soon?”

I said awkwardly, not really knowing what to do in such a situation.

“Eh, Yamet is fine, next time he can go back on the ship as well! I bet he's incredibly bored though!”

At least that was nice, but man these guys were crazy.

Oh well, better not say anything about it.

Though if they made such jokes this Yamet guy was probably fine.

Probably.

The only somewhat calm dinner of stale bread and possibly moldy marmalade was interrupted by a loud boom and an impact that shook the entire ship.

What? What was happening?

The entire crew had already sprung up and hasted to a variety of places, Jamie back up the mast, Akeem and Imik got entire fucking Cannons.

Ronan was already nowhere to be seen and I had no idea where he went.

Hopefully back inside as it appeared we were under attack.

Not really knowing what to do, I walked over to where Akeem and Imik were, already stuffing a cannonball into the cannon to fire back.

Not knowing how to operate a cannon or even how to help, I tried to get a glance on what was attacking us, which turned out to be another ship.

Pirates? As far as I knew they were a big enough Problem that Rikaad had wanted to deal with it himself.

Worse was that the enemy boat was bigger than ours and probably had more people.

Imik and Akeem fired their cannon and managed to hit the low side of the enemy ship.

Unfortunately we got hit again, the ship going very lopsided for a moment and I could hear a weird screech.

Looking up I saw it was Jamie, who was upside down and held on to the outermost piece of the mast with a clawed foot.

Oh fuck, they'd fall in at any moment!

Leaving the experts to man the cannon, I ran to the other side of the ship, only seeing out of the corner of my eye that apparently Imugi had rammed the other boat, causing some of the men on board to freak out at being attacked from a sea monster.

Man, I hoped they wouldn't shoot at Imugi.

Unlikely though.

I was positioned at the railing, still not anywhere near Jamie and thus not able to catch them as they fell, another cannonball impacting at the same time and causing the crane to fall overboard where Jamie was just moments ago.

Being horribly reminded of what had happened to me not that long ago when the mast crashed onto my own head I jumped in after Jamie, shifting while jumping and inhaling as much air as I could, doing as Imik had shown me.

I dived down after Jamie, seeing that one of their legs had gotten tangled in a rope from the crane and they were desperately trying to get it loose.

I managed to swim after them right as they went past an underwater cliff, the top part of the crane scraping against the rock with an unpleasant noise.

Not having thumbs currently I simply bit into the crane, not like it would be usable anymore anyway.

Jamie got loose, kicking their thin legs which were definitely not made for swimming and tried to swim up, which thanks to having so thin legs was agonizingly slow.

Then the crane which had been scraping against the rock knocked a boulder loose, which in turn bumped into more rocks, freeing them and causing an underwater landslide.

Jamie got hit square in the chest by one and was dragged even deeper down as the rocks went towards the bottom of the ocean and I dived after them, taking them into my mouth due to a lack of thumbs.

Their legs were still sticking out and my mouth was filled with water, not allowing them to breathe either as one of the bigger rocks hit my back, pushing me deeper underwater and ending up trapping me on a shelf like rock formation as more of the rockslide buried my lower half under it.

Fuck, now i was trapped with no air, 

and even worse was that Jamie had no air either.

But I had a little bit of air, maybe I could share?

Tentatively I pressed Jamie against my palate, pushing out as much water as I could and then let my mouth fill with some of my own air.

I felt them cough and while maybe a bit stale the air was still better than nothing.

But now what? I was trapped and there was no way for Jamie to get back up without drowning.

NEXT / PREVIOUS / OVERSIGHT

[hilsonamore]

i ranked 2nd best of my year, and i know im gonna sound like an ungrateful brat but that’s just- it’s just not good enough. I’m so tired of always being 2nd to everyone, i’d much rather not be so close to the top, never even imagining what it tastes like, rather than be forced to be there, to feel it vibrating around me, always looking, always dreaming, always fucking hoping, being so damn close but never getting there. Being forced to remain a bystander.

It might seem like such a stupid thing to most people, but when you’ve learned to base your entire worth on your grades, school, academic performances, showcases of intelligence, when you only ever feel satisfied when someone compliments your brain, when you feed off of that validation, even if you don’t actually believe it, because you’ve never understood what people see in you, yet you still need them to see it- when you are like that, hankering after ranking 1st, being at the top, is so immensely important to you, because it’s not just part of your identity, it’s who you’ve become. It’s who people see you as. It’s everything to you, because without that, without the academic validation, without people’s empty but proud compliments, you are nothing.

I always hear people talk about what they were like when they were little, what they liked, what they did in their spare time, how carefree they were. And the only personality trait i recall is being eccentric and academically-gifted. All i remember from my youth is…school. Crying over minimal mistakes, always trying to be best, always trying to get the most out of every lesson, always beating myself up for not being good enough. And now this. This this this this.

And i’m just- i’m scared. I’m tired and i can’t get organised the way i want to because my brain is so foggy and heavy and it feels like i’m drowning all the time. My brain won’t stop buzzing, my eyes can’t seem to process my surroundings, my brain refuses to cooperate, and though i don’t believe in myself, though i feel like im a fraud, like i don’t deserve all the praise i get, i still want it. Other people’s pride, as superficial as it might feel to my heart, is the sole thing keeping me intact. And if all that falls apart, what’s there to hold on to? Who am i without my grades? Who am i without my intelligence? Who am i without people’s undimmed belief in me?

Am i so scared of finding out that there’s nothing there? Probably. Probably…

[sevenyeargap]

ughh so. life update 1729372. ever since moving back home ive been in such a weird depression limbo state where I'm not Depressed™ but lost in the audhd fog all the time. i know that it's bc of the 8 months of working and not having a break and that really took a toll on my mental health but it's SO frustrating i HATE this state!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im out of ritalin and my therapist isnt here so i can't get some until the end of the month, plus I've been in pretty bad pain bc of the chronic migraines and toothaches and everything, so im in this weird ???????????? mood all the time. it's super frustrating bc i would love to write and draw and just. CREATE. but then my body is like </3 whoops too tired!!! anyway as always i feel terrible for not replying to dms/asks/etc but the thing is that i have no concept of time whatsoever and there's so much shit going on irl that i just log on tumblr to reblog some haha silly posts and then the Foggy Bees take over my brain and ??????? you know. whew!

[queen-of-darkness001]

Trigger warning ⚠️

Hey fellows,

I'm fucked up seriously writing this and sobbing feeling clueless about everything

I'm taking therapy for approximately 2 years and half and was diagnosed w bpd

And i was happy knowing what im goin through, like finally i have justifications and interpretations of each behavior I've always had, i read a lot, and even write a lot about this mental illness to transmit awareness to others. But what about me? I literally get obsessed with my dreams and it's not recent it was like this since my childhood, like i do escape into them even if they were bad, i turned every kind of nightmare into a short story and started publishing part of them after my blog was launched.

I encountered many distresses in my childhood , wished them to be triumphed

But they didn't they just became accumulated and caused me to be involuntary melancholic... i went to therapy because i tried hard w myself but i couldn't always find solutions for my case individually, i had anger issues , panic disorder, anxiety disorder, depressive episodes and manic episodes which are inclined to make me extremely crazy, like a balloon you whiff inside and the air blown makes it bigger and bigger until it explodes, then i feel nothing and deteriorate mentally and physically just going through dissociation, get obsessed with my dreams instead of living in reality... so once i thought that these means are just temporary and i need an expert to fix that disfunctioning machine , i went to a psychiatrist to help me out of this zone, i was literally loving people in an aggressive way instead of expressing love appropriately i just fuck it up ... I'm a writer and i wrote most of times for myself , also an artist and i did express myself a lot but for people it was rare because i was ashamed of the pain I'm carrying,  used to hide it thinking i might be a burden or pain might be underestimated by others. After a while i decided to choose being seen like enough is enough this creativity is fuckin getting outI started to write because i like it... and paint to express myself to people and to myself either. That helped me quite good through my sessions as well

And made me more honest and less ashamed of myself likewise,  my pain can be seen.

But here we go again after a time of self love and awareness here we go extreme either up or down and suffer into both processes... seeking help without uttering a word ... at the same time they get out of my mouth because i can't hold them anymore, instead of a person who's passionate i turn into a beast looping in a labyrinth its ending is foggy and can't be accessed. I have a husband, that already makes me happy and I'm very grateful, speaking of this I'm a very giving person and because of therapy and my efforts i just became more giving and caring

But most of times im being taken by others as a lazy person they can't get it that im fuckin tired and i cant manage it... i take meds and attend sessions and doing my best but my 100% is often seen as 1% by ambience people.

My mom and my husband are very helpful God bless them but whenever i look at them having other priorities to do aside of helping me at home or whatever i feel extremely guilty and i hate myself the double .

I wish i could do more but this is my capacity. I act within it.

I try to be productive, helpful and a giver but i fail sometimes too. Most likely not comparable with anyone else because a mental disorder isn't as simple as they think

I pass through 3 different phases daily

And i feel everything or feel nothing amongst them

I feel lost despite i know what i want

I feel sometimes that i wanna separate from all people and isolate myself

Im paranoid most of times that they might die or abandon me despite they're loyal and trustworthy

It's just me

I'm always triggered I'm always concerning about details my brain feels like a battlefield without a single exaggeration. I prone to explain a lot sometimes it helps and sometimes it makes me creepy and intimidating for others. Yes honesty sometimes is a curse

I'm honest about fragility but im a beast if someone tried to turn it against me not to work on it. Eventually im trying my best idk who's reading, who's interested but i just spelled all my thoughts here rn which are just a sample of what i actually encounter everyday. I wish i could rest.

I wish i could wash away my pain .

But all ik , all the positivity i get from here -is that i decreased the anger issues, am -being aware about myself and telling people about it even if my hands were shaking meanwhile narrating details that might be seen as shame

- defending myself despite i hate myself sometimes

- i stopped cutting and preferred smoking over it as a less dangerous self harm

- im good to my husband and family and even strangers who need my help

- im focused on writing and painting

- i give myself time to rest even though ig might extend but i always try to reach to a settlement with my husband to make him less burdened

- i find solutions meanwhile problems instead of just arguing and reaching no point

- i became so domestic and that causes me less anxiety because i hate going out usually. Doesn't change the fact that i love going out too with a safe company like my husband

- i was yearning if i would be a bad mother one day but with this amount of love and care i can give limitless support and provide my kid with joy at any cost

- whenever i do sth wrong recklessly i try to set boundaries and correct myself i even sometimes control myself not to do these stuff before they happen.

Had to vent because im off today and been worse since i had spasms and lost my ability to move my extremities for a while... now im good but feels like my first time in a gym and my muscles hurt af

...and in closure, i usually need confirmation from people about myself and a lot of praises

But im working on this now and trying to be neutral as never been before .

[nerdyquestier]

Rant TW… just a lot? Idk what it counts as

I have ideas of things… just general things… to write… to draw… there’s a lot… but as soon as I try to actually do anything with the ideas it just doesn’t feel right anymore… I’m tired of not being able to actually enjoy things that I love to do… im tired of waking up after eight hours of sleep to still being exhausted… im tired of the nightmares that never went away… im just tired… almost all the time… I force myself out of bed like it’s a chore and nearly fall asleep on the bus more often than not… and there’s way too many days where I just can’t get myself out of bed until it’s too late in the day to do college… I know it gets better because I know I still have good days, days where the pain isn’t so bad and the numbness doesn’t have as much of a vice grip around my heart… and when my brain isn’t quite so foggy… and I regain energy to some extent whenever I hear her voice… but it’s still like I’m missing something… and I worked and worked and worked for the past five, ten, twelve years and I crashed and burned badly… and I don’t know how to explain it because I still have days where it isn’t quite so bad… but I have this sense of impending doom and guilt and fear like I’m still trapped in front of him, trapped watching my brother get hurt, trapped in that small room with a door that didn’t work, trapped under the words he would say to get me to be perfect, trapped with the reality that I failed that so many times over and I still can’t be normal…

My friends are texting a group chat now, talking about how the maths teacher we have isn’t easy to ignore but we all try anyways, and how we don’t have to deal with him for a week and a half now, and I know I’ll be alright…

But I’m just tired of feeling like this.

[tbd99]

Entry 6

Hello. I deleted entry 5. I shared a bit too much that day. That’s why it’s missing.

Anyhow, I can’t sleep. I’m very tired so ignore any spelling errors.

Im worried I’m getting bad again. This always happens. I don’t wanna go out, all I wanna do is lay around. I’ve been told that’s just what being lazy is but I’ve felt like this all my life. It’s like the fogginess that clouds my brain constantly. I can’t see and I can’t even hear myself think. I go through days as If I am a zombie, and when I finally wake up, I don’t even know who I am anymore.

I was trying to better myself. To take care of myself. My lips are chapped, my skin is dry, and I’m overweight. I’ve been trying to not be overweight my whole life but.. the only thing that worked is when I had a really bad ED. I feel myself starting to creep back into that old habit. Even when I was skinny and taking care of myself, I still hated myself.

I hate looking in mirrors. It’s like my body isn’t even mine. It’s like… I dunno. I suppose I feel like this all the time. Like I’m not really me. Sometimes I’ll live the days as if I’m someone else. Days are wiped from my memories and I don’t know where they go or what I did during those days. I am not me.

Nothing makes me happy. Not even the thought of being good for others. Honestly, I’m thinking about taking those 2 bottles of pills.

I always think this, but I never do it. I’m a pussy, lol.

I think back to my first attempt and I just wished that it worked. I wished I didn’t have to experience all that I have up till now. Not even the good parts. My mind is constantly being reminded of bad memories. It’s like my own brain is suffocating me sometimes and I just want to get out.

I don’t know how I’d ever tell a person that and they’d understand. People just think I’m lying whenever I talk about what’s going on with me.

I wish I was lying. I wish I was lying about that whole evening I spent alone with you in your room. I wish I was lying about the constant bullying. I wish I was lying about the self hatred I feel for myself. I wish I was lying about the amount of times I tried to take my own life, and you never knew.

My mother hasn’t been looking good these past few days. She’s been tired, staying up late, and just watching TV all day. The same things I do. My mom talks about how her life wasn’t supposed to go this way and how she was destined for so much more than this.

So I wonder, what will I do when I become her age? Will I have those thoughts too? If so, what’s the point? What’s the point in living if only to be tortured by the things you could’ve done? Wouldn’t it be best to be able to let go now?

I haven’t had a single day of rest in 7 years. My mind has been filled with these suffocating thoughts that I just can’t escape. Every waking hour I’m tormented by my own mind, which sounds so odd to say. I just want everything to stop. For it all to go quiet. Just how it does when I sleep. Why can’t I sleep forever?