#my coworkers know shit about me even though we get along well

[yohankang]

besties i gotta be real one of you has to visit me or i'll go insane

[aceyogurt]

Technical difficulties

Pairing: ex Vox x reader

Content: jealous Vox, fluff, implied sexual content, SFW

Summary: You and Vox have been apart for some time now, but after hearing you might be with someone new he pulls some strings…

You had originally broken up with Vox due to how busy he was as an overlord along with his dramatically high ego. Which as you can guess he wasn’t exactly content with your actions. Originally he swore you off saying he didn’t need you and even though you knew he was just mad, you’d be lying if it didn’t hurt. But after that break up things became incredibly awkward..

It was especially awkward because, technically you still work under him due to a contract. Which wasn’t ending anytime soon… To your surprise though he didn’t pull any strings to make your work more painful then it already it was.

Well that was until he heard rumors that you might be sleeping with another actor you met on one of your recent sets…

After that you’d been assigned to x10 more projects then you’d been used to absolutely exhausting you. And that coworker of yours was fired due to unknown reasons. And haven’t been responding to your calls.

This extra work load meant much more press conferences and interviews, and the one you had today you weren’t excited for. Why? Because it was Vox’s show, Vox was interviewing you. And boy you were praying he wouldn’t make things weird. I mean he cares a lot about image so surely he’ll be appropriate… right?

You get the recording studio and see Vox speaking to Valentino in the corner of the room, trying to ignore them you make your way to the food display, which had an assortment of treats you enjoyed.

After around your fourth strawberry tart a voice speaks from behind you causing you to jump. “You keep eating at the rate you’re going, you’re going to get sick on set.” You didn’t even need to turn around to know it was Vox. You roll your eyes and respond back to his comment.

“I’ll eat as much as I’d like, thank you very much. And if you didn’t want me to be eating you should’ve chosen different snacks” in response he just chuckles putting a hand on your shoulder. “Well I guess you’re right, we’ll start in five.” And before you could get comment in he walked off to deal with other affairs.

Your eye was already twitching you knew you were going to hate every second of those interview…

You sat across from Vox in a loft chair that was thankfully comfortable. The tape starts rolling and you hear his signature intro start playing.

‘Welcome to the show’ ♪♯

Vox had his typical smile as he starts the broadcast. He introduces you seemingly normal and began to get into the interview wasting no time. “Let’s start off easy, how have you been?”

“I’ve been well, been busy recently.” You say with a slight jab that only he would notice, and you know he does as he attempts to cover up a laugh with a cough. “So I hear, hopefully not in an exhausting way.” He says as if he’s not the one who assigned you this shit, and knowing you’re exhausted. You nod and decide to play his game back, crossing his arms. “Well it’s certainly keeping me on my toes, luckily I have a lot of good co-workers to keep me sane though.” You say purely to get a reaction out of him.

And man were you successful, he’s smile is strained and you can see him fisting his hand from what you were implying. “Well isn’t that lovely.” There was an akward silence before he spoke again. “Well how about we play a game yeah?” The rules of the game were fairly simple you guys draw a challenge card and if you fail to complete it in the given time the other person gives you a consequence of their choosing.

The first few rounds went by fairly smooth, with nothing worth noting, you both had won your challenges so…. This particular challenge you weren’t sure you were going to win though… “Well what’s the card say” Vox chimed in since you hadn’t read it aloud yet. “Eat a cherry pie in under 60 seconds” now this would probably be possible for you, if you for a fact hadn’t ate six strawberry tarts right before this. You already could feel the sickness you’d get from all these sweets. And from the grin Vox had you figured he already knew that.

Not even twenty seconds into the challenge you forfeit not wanting to throw up, you wipe your face with a napkin as Vox speaks about your punishment. “Well seeing you failed to complete your card that means I get to choose a punishment for you right?” He ask as if he hadn’t already planned out what he was going to say. You groan annoyed nodding as you just want to get this over with. “Just say what your thinking already”

He laughs “well, we all have heard the rumors about you and a certain someone getting together… mind telling the audience if what they say is true?” You should’ve known he’d ask about this, of course he would. Instead of looking at the camera you’re now looking at him. “Well normally I wouldn’t share private relations but, I suppose this case is an exception. Me and the person you’re referring to aren’t together nor have we done anything together.” You say unwillingly, see Vox had obviously been paying attention with every interaction you had with this co-worker since the rumors spread and he wasn’t able to fully get ahold of your guys relationship because, you made sure to hide as much as possible.

Now that you admitted that there was nothing between the two of you though another question rises into Voxs mind ‘why be so secretive’ this question though he didn’t want to ask publicly…

The talk show ends shortly after and you thought you were done dealing with Vox. Yeah no, around 30 minutes after the show Vox calls you into his office, which you reluctantly tend to.

“You asked to see me?” You say praying he wasn’t going to bring up what you think he was. “You know I was thinking, you say you didn’t have a relationship with him. But you took so many extra steps to hide from my view, which I can only see you doing if you’re lying about not having any kind of relationship… unless of course there was another reason?” He speaks so obviously full of himself. You bite your tongue in annoyance.

“My relationships and how I protect them are none of your concern Vox” he laughs, like genuinely laughs. “Good one, but we both know why I’d be interested to keep tabs on you guys, now tell me, why’d you do it…” he pauses being a lot closer then he should be to you, he leans down meeting your eyes. “Because if I’m being honest the only theory I have is that you wanted to get my attention”

You try your best not to react but of course your eyes avert his gaze. “Why would I even-“ his voice gets a lot more serious but still egotistical, “if I’m wrong all you have to do is say so” the room goes silent.

“Thought so” he says pleased with himself, you were pissed. And as he turns around he adds one final comment, “I’ll be free tonight”

[luminousbeings-crudematter]

PAIRING: Office! Ghost/Co-Worker! Ghost x F! Reader 

WARNINGS: smut || this is the fluffiest this blog is going to get and is not indicative of the vibe around these here parts (im on my period and need softness okay???) || 18+ only ||

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 of 4

***

You don’t play games with men.  

You swear you don’t — that’s not really you, you just want to fuck them—but there is something about Simon, no, Ghost, no, Simon that makes you want to.  

There’s something he’s done to the chemistry in your brain—him and his “mate” Ghost—that makes you feel like there’s fun to be had here, you just have to reach out and take it.  You don’t find his deception funny (far from it), but what would be funny is if you were to play along a bit.  Let him think he’s got you.  

But he had gotten you.  He’d gotten you good.  

After you’d left his office, his real office, you’d laid awake all night thinking about all the signs you’d missed.  The standoffish attitude, how none of your other coworkers engaged with him, how your boss barely engaged with him.  You weren’t sure if they knew he was Ghost, but everyone had enough self-preservation to stay away from the big, mean, tank of a man who didn’t care to participate in office small-talk.  Everyone but you, that is. Sure, you’d guessed he was some big-shot but fuck.

You’re still contemplating on how to get him back the next morning before work, when you see him walk towards you.  Shit .  With nowhere to run without him seeing, you quickly decide on your strategy—calm and collected.  You’re quite impressed by yourself, you even almost convince yourself that you can do it.

“Alright?” he murmurs, when he reaches you.  He’s tapping his pockets looking for a lighter when you open your mouth and “calm and collected” tumbles out of your mouth with all the grace of a lanky baby giraffe.

“Ghost couldn’t make me come.”  Like an aberrant whore, you almost shout the words at him.  Embarrassment unfurls inside you, deep in the pit of your stomach, and you have to bite your lip to prevent more words tumbling out and exposing you.

“Ghost couldn’t…make you come.” He repeats in a monotone.  When you look up into his eyes, they’re wider and darker than you’ve ever seen them, before he schools his expression back to normal.  "You tell him that?”

“Did I tell him?”  Shit.  “Well…no, of course I didn’t ‘ tell him,’ Simon, he’s…scary!”

“Scary.”  Simon repeats the word to you in a monotone again, and you’re left wondering if you’ve broken him. 

“Can you speak with your own words?” you ask with a nervous laugh, and his eyes snap to you and narrow slightly.  You know what’s happening, at that moment.  You both know what’s happening.

He knows you saw the file on his desk the previous night—he’d seen you gape at it and then (poorly) rearrange your face into neutrality before you’d practically sprinted out of the room.  He knows you’ve figured out that he’s “Ghost.”  

He knows that you know, he’s just trying to figure out if he should call your bluff.    

“Alright.  Alright, tell you what.”  Simon crosses his arms over his chest and you’ve never seen so animated about anything .   “Give it another go, yeah?  Let ‘im…let ‘im try again.”

“And you care because…?”  Your own eyes narrow as you try to figure out what he’s playing at.  If you’re being bested at your own game, again.      

“Well, if gets you to shu’up about him, I’m willin’ to play.”        

“You’re willing to play,” you whisper, and holy shit.  You watch as his eyes darken at your words.  There are no illusions between the two of you now.  What had started as you wanting to murder him was easily being turned around on you, and you weren’t sure who was punishing whom anymore.   “Fine,” you say, shrugging casually.  Though, with how decidedly not casual you feel, it probably looks like you’re having a muscle cramp.

“Fine.  Here.  Tonight.”

“Here?” you screech, then look around to make sure no one’s heard you.  “Simon, we can’t— Ghost can’t be here, if we got caught I could lose my job—”

“Shut up,” he murmurs.  “Go to work.  Be back here tonight.”

If you were more than a human puddle in that moment, you would have kicked him for his audacity.     

***

You used to find it comforting how little Simon spoke, one of the most non-verbal people you’d ever met, communicating with you mostly through eye contact with you from across the room.  If you had to wager, about eighty percent of his communication with you was eye rolls and grunting at you in irritation.  The rest of the twenty, you’re sure, spent laughing at and/or making fun of you.

But horny Simon is different.  Horny Simon is verbose as fuck .  “Mmpf, you taste so good , sweet girl.”  His voice is muffled, and a very satisfied smile makes its way to your face.  

“Mutton chops would kill you if he found out,” you breathe.  But you choke and almost squeal when his teeth graze you in warning.  

“Shh.”

“Fuck ,” you whimper.  The sound echoes in the dark room and you curse again.  “I swear to God, we’re gonna get caught.”

“Keep that pretty mouth shut for me, then, love.  Don’t want to get in trouble, do ya?”

 He’s spread you out on your own desk.  It is absurd beyond belief, and if the two of you get caught, the punishment’s going to be much worse for you than for Simon, who would just suffer death at the hands of his CO.  But even you can’t help but admit that the fact that he’s spread you out the way he has has got you thinking (already!) on when you can get him to do it next.

Your hand makes its way into lush blond strands, and you tug at him, whining quietly, and he gets the message.  He pushes himself up, and brings his face level with yours, looking deeply into your eyes, the scar on his lip pulling slightly with his smirk.  “Hi.”

“Hi,” you whisper back.  “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

His smile is small—barely a twist of his lips—but you know that if you let it out into the world, it would move mountains.  “D’y’know why I was on desk duty, love?”

You would answer him with a degree of coherence if he wasn’t kissing your neck wetly, fingers continuing to move in and out of you in a way that was going to drive you insane.   “Mm, no, lieutenant,” you moan.  “Why… oh!   Why were you on desk duty?”

He gets back on his knees again, lips never leaving your skin, just slowly making the journey down, hovering around your inner thigh.  His eyes stay fixed on his fingers moving inside you.  “Davis.  Heard him speakin’ about ya. Prick needed a reminder of his manners.”

You gasp and push him away from you in shock.  “What?”

“Wanted to fuckin’ kill him for speaking about you like that, y’know that?”

 “You—Davis ?”

“Don’t want to hear you say ‘nother man’s name right now, love,” he warns. 

You’re still processing what you’ve heard, when his expression changes slightly—fuck why is he so wickedly handsome?—and he brings his wet fingers up to you, rubbing them on your lips.  Your mind blanks before you lie back and your head thuds slightly against the desk.  “All this time, you wanted...”  

“All this time,” he confirms, and it seems he’s reached the end of his patience with the chatting.  “Asked Price to send me ‘ere if he was gonna punish me, so I could have a chance to ‘ave ya.”  You see him undo his belt and his hands move over your body gently before they settle on your hips.  “Do I have ya then, pet?”  

You push up on your elbows, and extend a hand towards him, fingers outstretched.  He pauses—looking nothing short of the god of corruption with his jeans undone and his hair dishevelled and his eyes wild with lust.  He holds your hand, fingers intertwined with yours.  When he bends forward to kiss you, you find yourself smiling into the kiss.       

“Depends.  Will you let me come tonight?”

His answering smile against your lips feels like he’s lit something inside—light and warm and alive inside you, little sparks crackling with energy—and you’re briefly rendered breathless at the depth of your attraction to him.  “Let ya?  Thought you said I couldn’t make you?”

Oh .  Oh, he’s so fucking sweet, this gorgeous, weird, weird man with his balaclava and his forearms and his teasing and his fucking tattoos, you briefly (in a moment of insanity) want to hold him close to you.  Just for a second, get him to put his head on your chest.

“Wanted y’to know who you were coming for, love.  Wanted t’hear you say my name.  Couldn’t let y’come if you didn’t, could I?”

And  then he’s pulling his cock out of his jeans, stroking himself once, then twice, and your mouth waters at the sight.  You want to keep watching him do it, reckon you could get off just watching him like that, but then he speaks.

“Y’want this?”  The words take you back to last night, he even says it in that stern baritone he reserves for when he’s under the mask, and your mouth becomes unreasonably dry.

“Yeah…yeah, I want this,” you whisper.  Before you’re overthinking or swooning at the sight of his cock, he’s pushing into you, stretching you out for him, bullying his cock into you.  You feel every single inch of him and the deliciousness of it—how you can feel yourself stretch to accommodate him—makes you groan.  

“Don’t you close your eyes, don’t you fuckin’ dare!  You fuckin stay with me, you hear me?”  The words are a desperate growl and your eyes snap open.  He’s looking at you intensely, eyes searching yours for something, you’re not sure what, and you stare right back at him.  You try to convey through your gaze how much you want this, how much you’ve ached for it.

You’re convinced the message is received when he lets out a gorgeous sound, the most filthy moan to ever leave a man, and flips you over with ease.  It doesn’t leave you with a single thought in your mind, the overstimulation of your environment—the ego boost of finally getting what you want, the way he’s making you feel right now, the movement of his hips against yours—and you feel like you’ll go insane if you don’t do something with the excess energy.  

And oh , he makes it so much better, like he hears your thoughts, knows your body, because he puts two fingers in your mouth while he continues to pound into you from behind.  The same two fingers that were inside you, so you can taste yourself on your tongue.  

He pauses for a moment to adjust and it makes you whine at the fact that he’s stopped, even for that one second, so much so that you take charge, fuck back into him and keep that momentum going, allowing his cock to hit that spot inside you.  Simon freezes for a second, body tense and you think you’ve done something wrong or worse, hurt him, but his hands tighten on your hips and he pulls you up to your knees using just fingers in your mouth, making you gasp.      

“I fuckin’ love how you give it t’me.  Been gagging for it, aren’t ya, love.”       

Yeah, horny Simon is verbose.  

“Fuck, Simon, fuck, you feel so good,” you whine and your eyes are blurry, you realise.  Every plunge of his cock feels like it hits deeper and deeper into you.  You collapse like a house of cards, your cheek hitting the blessed cold of the desk, and allow a shaky hand to find your clit. 

But Simon has very particular plans for you.  He bats your hand away with a huff-laugh in your ear, taking over the task himself.  “Gonna say my name when I make you come?”  You moan as he rubs your clit in exactly the way you need and he laughs again.  “Yeah , you will.”

When you come, it’s sudden and it takes you by surprise, making every muscle in your body seize up and contract.  It’s almost painful, a cramp that starts in your lower abdomen and spreads upwards, leaving you clamping on him, panting and breathless and absolutely spent, his name on your lips like you're chanting it.  Through it all, he continues to speak to you in your ear.  “That’s it, love, that’s it.  Good fuckin’ girl, you’re such a good fuckin’ girl for me.”

But the way Simon groans when he comes?  You want it burned in your memory, the sound bouncing around your brain long after he’s gone.  You want to hear it in your mind every time you touch yourself.  Better yet, you want to hear it from his mouth when he comes for you, in you.  The thought elevates you to a type of rapturous giddiness, an indescribably light feeling in your chest when you think about doing this with him again.      

For the moment, though, you’re completely boneless, a fact he perceives clearly because he smacks your ass as he pulls out of you, and chuckles at your greedy whine.  

“Now what?” you whisper a few moments later, whilst he’s in the middle of cleaning you both up and he freezes for  millisecond.

“What do y’want to happen?”

“Erm.  I haven’t…it’s not something I’ve thought about.”  You laugh at the absurdity for a second.  “I didn’t expect any of this.”

He sits on your chair (the same chair you’re going to have to sit on the next day while you work, pretending that he hadn’t just fucked you here) and he pulls you on to him so you’re straddling him.  It takes a second, what with him manspreading, and you having to find some space to jam your legs between his thighs and the arms of the chair.  He watches in amusement as you wriggle and get comfortable, and then uses a single finger to tip your chin up so he can look at you.  “Hello, love,” he whispers.

“Hi.”

“Stop thinkin’ ‘bout it.”

“But—”

“No.”

“Simon, I don’t—”

“Shut the fuck up.  Look at me.  Give us a kiss.”  You glare at him and he barks out a rare laugh, squeezing your cheeks together.  “Stop thinking so much.”

“We could get in trouble,” you try to say, but he still doesn’t move his hands away.

“Don’t care, pet.  I’ll tell the world myself.”

That shuts you up.  You touch his lips, elated and in awe at the intimacy of doing this with him, being with him like this.

“Wish you’d just told me,” you say quietly.  “We’d have had so much more time together.  You’ve only got a week of your punishment left.”  You roll your eyes.  “You’re a fool, Simon.”

“Maybe,” he concedes.  “Still got time though, love.  Night’s still young.”  

His eyes glow wickedly, gorgeously, when you ask if he wants to do it on Davis’ desk.  

(You do end up doing it on Davis’ desk.  As a bonus, you even end up blowing him while he leans against your boss’ desk.)

***

You wish you could say your life changes entirely and absolutely after that night, but it’s not quite like that.  You’re still a data analyst for the government.  You still work on a military base, surrounded by the fittest men and women you’ve ever seen.  You still see Ghost around the base with MacTavish, arms crossed around his chest, legs planted apart, looking like his only cares in the world are to a) stand behind the Scot like a beefy bodyguard and b) look deliciously sexy while he does it.  

There are some changes though.  Davis puts in for a transfer after lunch on his first day back.  You suspect that that cutie MacTavish has something to do with it (you made Simon promise not to interfere) but all parties deny involvement.  Simon still tries to meet you for your smoke breaks sometimes, and you update him on the office gossip.  He informs you that no one at your workplace drew the connection between Simon and Ghost, it was just his demeanour that kept them away.   You find this hilarious for about two seconds before you realise that you probably lack crucial self-preservation skills if his demeanour made you horny instead of scared. 

People in the office ask you about him sometimes, but you shrug it off good-naturedly, telling them that Simon’s a good friend, but it’s someone else you’re seeing.  And when they see you walking funny and also hand in hand with the masked freak on base?  Well.  They’re too scared to ask any more questions.  

***

A/N: Thank you so much for reading ♡ ♡

Taglist: @devcica || @kneelingshadowsalome || @tiredmetalenthusiast || @miyabilicious || @xintothewoodswegox || @almightywdm || @nrthple || @cassiecasluciluce || @glitterypirateduck || @ho3forghost || @ivymarquis

[weixuldo]

Linecook Anakin HCs

pleaseeee i cannot get this idea out of my mind (maybe i’m just tryna romanticize my job lol) also lemme just say this list is hella unorganized ( just like my brain lol)

warnings: cursing, ani is a typical horny young adult, smoking; weed

Muscular arms, veins!!

Beautiful blue eyes look up at the screen to see the next meal prep (you imagine those same eyes looking up at you like that if you ever get him on his knees)

He always finds something to compliment you on (even though there’s not much room for expression due to the standard comply uniform)

He’s almost always working cause he wants money and honestly doesn’t mind the atmosphere of the kitchen. 

Plus weed isn't cheap and he likes to smoke :)

On breaks you’ll often see him out back smoking a cig or a vape (depending on his mood).

“You know that stuff is bad for you right?” 

“Yea, i dont really give a shit tho”

You roll your eyes, “well don’t tell me I didn’t warn you when you’re carrying around an oxygen tank in thirty years”

He sent a play sad face your way and exclaimed “That’s so sweet, you’re looking out for my health”

“You’re so full of shit Skywalker” you say as you go back inside.

Though, after that encounter you notice he started to chew a lot more gum and smoke a lot less

He flirts with other waitresses too, but you are definitely his favorite

Reaches stuff on the top shelf when you can't. 

“Need some help princess?”

Winks at you from behind the window

Before you got to know him, you were a little afraid of him

He’s honestly so good at his job that it’s scary- he rarely messes up an order and if it's messed up it’s usually ‘cause someone rang it in wrong.

He’d be messing around one minute then barking orders at people when it got busy- he was always so focused on whatever he was doing whether it be cooking the meat, tossing salads, making desserts, etc

You used to see him roll his eyes or talk shit to other waitresses when they didnt do something right. 

“There’s a button for that ya know-”

“You didn’t tell me no onions”

“Ring it in if he wants it that way- I got too many orders to keep up with the shit you’re tellin’ me”

But he seems to be nicer to you…

“Hey Ani- could I get no tomatoes on this please”

“Sure thing, sweetheart”

“There’s my favorite girl” he says when you walk into the back. 

Some servers get jealous of his blatant favoritism (he takes longer on their orders when they’re nasty to you)

The other cooks get along with him fine

You can often find them goofing around in the back

But they think he’s waaaaay too handsome for his own good.

“Why you workin’ here when you could be on the cover of a magazine?”

“He’s here cause Skywalker’s got terrible manners and no game” another cook laughed.

“the fuck I dont” Anakin responded as the rest of the cooks all laughed along. 

His coworkers like to tease him when they see how flirty he gets when you come around. 

Nicknames include: “Pretty boy”, “player”, “heartthrob”

The heat of the appliances mixed with the rush of the night end up giving him a sheen of sweat and a warm blush to his pretty face. 

Ngl, this man would get greasy by the end of the night…

Dried food, condiments,and oils staining his black shirt

By the end of the shift he would have a lingering smell of char from the grill as well as a combined smell of all the food in the kitchen and his own musk from his sweat.

But the blend of labored scents mixed with his cheap cologne and deodorant made for an oddly enticing aroma.

You would joke with him during closing about how bad he smelled, though deep down you knew you liked it. 

“Yea, well we can’t all be in the front smelling like daisies and sunshine” he joked. 

He thought you smelled nice? You had worked a full day too- there was no way.

You insisted you didn’t smell much better than him but he shook his head, “nah princess, I could breathe you in all day”

That may have been a little creepy coming from anyone else, but it was anakin… the hottest guy in the restaurant, the talented cook, the guy you had a huge crush on. 

He’ll saunter into the back while you’re rolling your silverware and chat with you

“Ugh, I’m so ready to ge the fuck outta here” he sighs.

“Tell me about it, today has been so long” 

“Have you atleast made decent money?” 

“Yeah”

He laughs

“What’s so funny?”

“I don’t know why I even asked if you made good money- I should know the answer to that when talking to a girl with such a pretty face,” he says, before slipping back into the kitchen, leaving you with a heavy blush. 

He loves when you’re on ice for side work because the ice machine is right by him in the kitchen 

He likes to watch your ass as you bend down to shovel the ice- if he’s lucky he catches a glimpse of your lacy panties as they ride up your hips. 

When it’s not busy he carries the bucket for you and revels in all of your adorable “thank you’s”

His least favorite side work for you is when you are assigned to the front house because that means you’ll be spending most of the night in the dining area rather than in the back with him. 

Asks what you’re doing on your day off. 

“Probably gonna get high with some friends”

His eyes widened, “you smoke?!”

“Occasionally”

“Weren’t you the one who told me i’d be toting around an oxygen tank?” he quipped and you rolled your eyes. 

“Chill out pretty boy, I mainly just do eddies”

“And you never told me this?!” he grabbed at his heart with a dramatic expression. 

With the new info he spends the next few days working up the nerve to ask you to smoke with him sometime. 

Lucky for him, you’re closing on Saturday and so is he. 

After you check out all of the other servers and do your side work, you head to your car but Anakin calls your name before you leave the kitchen. 

He invites you to hot box in his car before you go and to his surprise you agree (you had a rough night, so why not? plus he is your crush after all)

You get into his car and unbutton your top a bit, it was hot in the restaurant today. 

He turns on the AC and steals a glance at the lacy bra you have on. 

After passing around a blunt the two of you are getting up there; maybe it’s the delirium or maybe it’s the weed, but he is looking finer than ever

you can’t help but hold the blunt between your fingers as you lean across the center console and press your lips against his

he sucks in a breath in surprise before he returns the action.

soon you’re on his lap, grinding on his growing bulge as he runs his strong hands through your hair and all along your body

tbh, you don’t even care that you have open shift tomorrow- this is worth being sleepy

[this-is-krikkit]

Hii! If you're taking prompts then can you plz do some levihan on this:

'I've been born in the wrong timeline and the wrong gender!'

'And you realized that after sixteen years?'

hello! you're the first anon i don't feel i have to apologize to for taking too long to reply to a prompt lmao, hope you'll enjoy this!

of swords and crushes (1.4k words)

tags: levihan, modern AU (coffee shop AU if you squint), game of thrones references but you don't need to be a big fan to get em, GOT-typical violence mentioned

divider source

“I’m telling you, I was born in the wrong timeline and the wrong sex!” Hange exclaims, trading their branded apron for their civilian coat and giving a last minute check to the coffee shop for any obvious task they might have forgotten.

Levi clicks his tongue at them, not for the first time that day, and gestures for them to leave out the front door with him.

“And you only realized that after sixteen years, while watching a blockbuster series about sword fights and magic?”

“Yes! No? I don’t know, I just know I want to be a knight!” they whine, using the tone they know their coworker can hardly stand.

“You want to be a knight, or you want to do one of them?”

“Levi! How dare you put your dirty thoughts into my pure and innocent mind!”

“I may not watch that shit show myself, shitty glasses, but I’ve seen enough screen caps and memes to know no one innocent watches it. Not with those casting choices anyway.”

Hange’s glasses reflect the setting sun and hide their eyes even as they grin devilishly at him, and he groans at his own slip up.

“Oh, you’ve seen enough screen caps to have an opinion then? Tell me, which one strikes your fancy, Neat Freak? The sadist bastard who tortures people into becoming his slaves, or the annoyingly rich golden boy who had three kids with his own sister?”

He just stares at them for a minute, then shakes his head as he locks the front door.

“I swear this show gets worse every time I hear about it,” he mumbles under his breath. “Either way, the one I like best has green eyes, and I think his father was in Lord of The Rings or something?”

“Oh… You mean, Robb Stark?”

Levi glares their way, because how the fuck would he know, again? But Hange, as always immune to his stink eye, just pulls their phone out and hands it over after a quick search.

“Here, is that him? Oh my God, you’re blushing, it’s totally him!” they squeal before Levi can even confirm it with words.

“Shut up and help me pull this down,” he requests, gesturing to the iron shutter they have to secure before leaving. “He is cute,” he still feels the need to argue defensively as Hange complies.

They chuckle and bump their shoulder to his when they squat down to help him with the heavy padlock that secures the system in place.

“He is,” they agree with a reassuring smile, before letting a sigh out. “Shame that he dies in season three though.”

“What? I thought he was, like, the main character!”

“Well, he is, until, you know... he gets his throat slit at his cousin’s wedding, right after he sees his pregnant wife getting stabbed straight into her belly.”

Levi picks up his jaw from the floor and turns to face his coworker, waiting to see if there’s any chance they could be trying to pull one on him —they don’t usually have a strong enough poker face to actually trick him, but they’ve surprised him before in the year they’ve been sharing shifts on this shitty part time job.

“She dies too, of course! Along with everyone who was with them then,” Hange adds right away, like that’s somehow reassuring.

“Why the fuck do you watch this shit, Four Eyes?” he asks, genuinely confused about it all.

“Ah, sorry, I know you’re weird about this stuff. We can talk about something else if you want,” they offer with a sheepish smile, scratching the back of their neck in discomfort.

“I’m not weird about it,” Levi corrects, dismissing their concern with a wave of his hand, “and it’s fine to discuss. I just don’t like violence for the sake of violence, or for shock value. Feels lazy to me.”

“That’s not all there is to it!”

He gives them a pointed glance, and Hange has the decency to blush a little.

“Okay, it’s probably a big part of it… But the plot does justify it most of the time so far, and some characters are really interesting and fun to try to figure out, I think you’d enjoy it! Besides, the fighting scenes are so badass, Levi!”

They launch into a mock choreography of what he can only assume is one of those scenes, and Levi doesn’t bother holding back a chuckle as he walks alongside them. He ignores the puzzled looks from people who pass them by, throwing a glare or two whenever someone dares to stare for too long with judging eyes.

“How do you have so much energy after the shift you just pulled on top of a day in class, for fuck's sake? I really feel like I’m the older one here sometimes.”

And alright, Levi does have another, early and demanding job to go to while other kids his age are in school, which might explain his own state of tiredness. But Hange truly is something else, stamina-wise.

“That’s because you’re an old soul, Levi, whereas I’m brand new and enthusiastic about what the world has to offer! And about swords!”

“Yeah, right. Why don’t you sign up to fencing lessons and get it out of your system for good?”

“Sure, let me give up this side job I only took for the fun of it, ask my imaginary butler to fetch my thousand dollars allowance from my billionaire parents and I’ll do just that!”

He bites the inside of his cheek to prevent his smile from stretching too wide, even though he knows Hange will be able to tell they got him with that one anyway.

“Point taken,” he gives in.

The walk back to their subway station is silent, a little less comfortable than usual when they’re both painfully aware that Hange’s now thinking about their own financial issues —the unfortunate reason they even took this job and met Levi in the first place.

He looks around the industrial neighborhood they’re walking, and spots two long rusty metal pipes hanging out from a bin nearby. In a fit of renewed energy he didn’t suspect he could have, he rushes over there, grabs them —heavier than they look, but he knows they can both handle it— and throws one at Hange’s feet.

“Here you go, Sir Hange Zoë,” he declares, feeling absolutely ridiculous as he stands in what he hopes looks like a sword fighting position —he sure hopes Hange will give him a break, it’s not like he has a wide frame of reference for this. “Fight me.”

They chortle, the sound immediately brightening the mood —and Levi’s day.

“You don’t have to do this, Levi. You were right, it’s kind of childish.”

He frowns and charges, hitting their shin lightly with his shabby weapon. Hange’s eyebrows shoot up on their forehead, and he can tell they’re slowly giving in.

“Levi! You can’t attack a defenseless maiden, that’s not gentleman-y at all!”

“You’re not a maiden, dumbass. And who said I’m a gentleman?”

Next time he lunges, they block the blow thanks to their own pipe and send him stumbling back —with a force that would surprise anyone else considering how lanky they look in their baggy clothes, and a fire in their eyes that would no doubt freak them out too. Levi, however, has known for months now that the tall nerdy weirdo look is only a mask hiding a fierce, passionate kid who might just be the strongest person he’s ever met —in more ways than one.

Sadly, they’re also much more —how did they put it again? Oh, right— enthusiastic about the whole fighting thing than he’d foreseen, and he soon finds himself having an actual hard time holding them off. One of their well placed hits shatters the pipe he was holding in his hold, and he thanks his lucky star that the combat has to end as he puts both hands up.

“Alright, I yield! You’re right, Four Eyes, you would have made a great knight.”

“Thank you!” they reply with a wink and a graceless curtsy.

Hange throws their pipe back into the trash can, before holding out their hand to ask for the some of the hand gel Levi’s already rubbing on his palms. He throws them a disapproving look, more for show than anything else, and gives them some —really, he’s kind of excited that they’re finally getting some of his neat freak habits, as they always call them.

“So, I won, right?” they ask him when they start walking again.

“Tch, I guess you did,” he grants them, not up to point out how questionable that statement is when really, breaking your opponent’s weapon has to be against the rules, right?

“Then my prize is... that you have to watch the next season with me!”

He spends the rest of the walk and the three subway stations they share trying to get out of that commitment.

(He fails.)

[joongbin]

➤ STRESSED OUT. - K. HJ

꒰ you're overworked, stressed out, and everything you say comes out as an angry insult. who better than your boyfriend to help you ease that stress out?

+ pairings: kim hongjoong x gn!reader

× warnings: established relationship, mentions of overworking, tons of swearing.

# genre: fluff

& first atz post ..

You parked your car at the parking spot, opening your door and shutting it tiredly. Your vision was blurry. You were tired, and it was 3 am. You walked toward your house, taking small steps as you tried to keep your head straight.

Luckily, you managed to get to your door. You kicked off your shoes and properly arranged them. Then, you opened the door, smiling at your boyfriend, Kim HongJoong.

You didn't know how you were so lucky to even meet such a man. He took care of you so well, you didn't even know if you even deserved him.

You were so spaced out, you didn't even realize he was hugging you, face in your chest. You were .. well, smelly, since you just got off of work and you hadn't taken a shower yet.

“ I smell like shit though. ” You say, hands around his waist as you hugged him back. HongJoong smiled at you with that charming smile that stole your heart the first time you saw it.

“ Whatever. ” He kissed you on the lips, earning a smile from you back. You were getting dragged to your bed by HongJoong, in which you refused to since you didn't take a shower yet.

“ I'm not getting on the fucking bed, Joongie. ” You stood still as HongJoong tried to pull you, ultimately ending in him giving up.

“ Can't the shower wait? I just wanna be with you.. ” You shook your head, and he came up with an idea.

He told you to strip out of your clothes and you obliged, tiredly. You were taking everything off slower than a turtle while HongJoong was preparing everything in the tub.

You grabbed a towel to cover yourself since you didn't wanna barge in the room butt ass naked. You wrapped yourself in it before walking in to the bathroom.

“ Oh, you're finally done. Get inside. ” He said, you nodded and hung the towel up before getting inside the bubbly bath, your head facing him.

“ What're you gonna do today, hm? You're always giving out surprises. ” You chuckled, playing with the bubbles in the tub like a little child.

HongJoong poured a generous amount of shampoo onto his hand before signaling for you to lay your head down as he massages the shampoo in to your scalp.

You eased up to his touch, sighing as you closed your eyes. He smiled warmly at the sight of you being relaxed.

He continued massaging, making sure your headache was 100% gone after he was done.

“ You're so good at massaging, Joongie. ” You mumbled, opening one of your eyes to look at him. You smiled at him before closing your eyes yet again.

HongJoong washed the shampoo from your hair and head, making sure there was no shampoo left in. He knew what temperature you liked, so that wasn't a problem.

After that, HongJoong told you to sit up. You obliged and looked at him while draining the water from your hair.

“ Joongie, are we done? ” You said weakly as you played with the bubbles. HongJoong shook his head and grabbed a poofa.

“ Are you seriously..? ” You chuckled and he smiled, rolling up his sleeves as he sat back on the short chair he sat on to wash your hair. He pumped soap and on to the poofa before he starts to rub the soap on to your body.

“ Hey, can I just- .. talk about work? ” You looked at him as he looked at you back. He nodded and you started to talk about your boss, coworkers, etc. with a few curses and all.

“ Honestly, fuck my boss. There's so many employees and he chooses me to do overtime? I'm so fucking tired- so tired.. ” You lean your head on the wall, sighing. HongJoong washed all the soap from your body.

“ Feel better now? ” HongJoong kissed your cheek as you smiled at him. HongJoong passed you your towel and left the bathroom, leaving space for you.

You quickly dried yourself along with your hair, wrapping your body in the towel before going to brush your teeth.

After you were done, HongJoong passed your clothes to you. You put the clothes on, which were your pajamas.

HongJoong was draining the water from the tub and was cleaning the bathroom, not wanting to leave any soap water on the floor.

You were already on the bed, scrolling through your phone while waiting for him. He joined you on the bed shortly after.

He laid down beside you, looking at what you were scrolling at, which was some random Instagram account.

You shut off your phone and wrapped your arms around HongJoong, smiling warmly at your boyfriend.

“ Thanks, Joongie. ” You kissed his forehead, then the tip of his nose, then his lips. HongJoong giggled, saying that it tickles.

He kissed you back on the lips, cupping your cheeks in his hands. You sighed, relaxing your body more, wanting to shut off your eyes.

As you were playing with HongJoong, your eyes shut close and you fell asleep. HongJoong realized after a few minutes of talking, before he looked at you lovingly, giving you one last peck on the lips.

“ I love you, (name). ”

[snug-gyu]

so another year is coming to an end, and i feel like a lot has happened to me this year that i should do a little post so i can remember everything i went through and the good things that came from it. under the cut cause this will probably get long

so this year i moved back in with my parents for mental health reasons. i left behind a good job, great coworkers and a place i had just recently finally got to myself. even though i had all that, i was still feeling so bad with myself i realized i needed the support to get back to my feet.

i lost my most precious baby in the process to a horrible desease that took him from me in a matter of days, and i had to watch him suffer through it all while not being able to do anything besides make him as comfortable as i could.

with all that, i also got myself into a terrible job that was so taxing on me i feel like i deleted most of those months from my mind as a defense mechanism, to the point i broke down one day after being humiliated by my asshole boss and finally quit.

all of this happened while i changed psychiatrists and treatment at least twice, so the weeks following me quitting my job were very important to finally give my mind some rest and now i'm in a job that is a lot more considerate and less taxing on my mental health.

now on for the good things.

this year i managed to see two of my faves live, nct 127 in january and ateez in august. i haven't been to concerts in so long and now i'm completely addicted. i can't wait to see what 2024 has in store (hopefully skz?)

through all of that, some friends have been soooo important to me. you guys were there for me in my darkest hours and for the happy times as well.

@secretdiaryofanawkward my bestie, i love you. thanks for being there every day with your memes, rants and cat pics. i cherish our memories together even if it's just laying down in silence while we do our own thing. thanks for helping me while i was on my lowest and i'm pretty sure i wouldn't be where i am now mentally without your help

@hongamon , @changbeens and @cryiingemoji . you guys have been with me since last year and i know i can count on you being there to cheer me up with blorbo pics or to talk shit about people. thanks for your friendship and i hope you know i'll always be there if you need me

@ggthydrangea and @winterfloral , your words (or gifs) of reassurance mean the world to me. also @juiceofmoons and @missyedits , even though we didn't talk much i'll always have you in my heart. i know y'all been busy this year with work and uni, but i'm glad we finally managed our mb babes' call

@chanrizard my beloved wife, @decembermoonskz by sweetheart, @agibbangs my spiritual neighbor and the whole of lix jail @leenope @jinniebit @lixence @thnx4thefish @wisteriya @happysmilebtr @babebatter @haenglixie thanks for the chaos and the laughs and even if we don't talk much y'all are very special to me.

all my beloved moots, i love you guys very much and it's lovely to interact with you even if it's just through tags sometimes. you have a special place in my heart and know that if we're moots you're automatically all my friends

@hanjesungs thanks for caring the burden of modding the stayblr server since it's begging and for being the voice of reason when we need it

to all of the people on the stayblr discord server, know that i consider you all my family and going there is like coming home, so thanks for always being so warming and nice to hang around. @hongjoongpresent @brightermorepls @astraykidz @noonaracha

sorry if i forgot anyone, just know that i'm very grateful for all the friends i've made along the way. my ask box and dms are always open 💜💜 thanks and i love y'all

[artistic-intrxvert]

can you write yandere funtime foxy and funtime freddy headcanons please and thank you?

Hey Bon Bon, we have a new friend!! Fr tho hello!! I got excited when i saw this :D ✨FNAF SISTER LOCATION APPRECIATION✨ I had fun writing this and I hope you enjoy and have an amazing day/night wherever you are!! <3333333

DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO YANDERE TOPICS!!

Other TWs: Swearing, Mentions of breaking bones, dark topics, Funtime Freddy, feral animatronics..i think it's pretty self-explanatory-

If I missed a TW, please tell me so i can add it!

✨Funtime Foxy🦊

From what I understand of Funtime Foxy as a general character, he loves to have attention on him

So i would imagine as a Yandere, it would be much, MUCH worse

Wants your attention 24/7 and will not take no as an answer

As for how you got stuck with this little shit? Yeah you were hired to do all of the stuff that needs to be done during the day since your coworker, Mike, has the night shift

Funtime Foxy always enjoyed when you came by to make sure that his voice box and other mechanical parts worked fine because that meant that he got to spend time with you! Not to mention you have have all of your attention on him and him only

Hated it whenever you had to go check out the other animatronics heaven forbid Funtime Freddy

Yeah no Funtime Foxy and Funtime Freddy do not get along...at all

One day at work he doesn't respond to tests for his voice box so that you think it needs replacing, and while you turn around to go grab a new one he hits you over the head and knocks you out

Alright so now you are kidnapped, congratulations! Would you like a trophy? Nevermind, i don't think I have any that say "Congrats for getting kidnapped by a lovesick animatronic fox"

Anyways-

Loves to perform for you! I mean, he loves to talk about being on stage and performances so why not perform for his darling?

What other choice do you have? Escaping? Oh, no you don't

If you even try escaping this mother fucker he's going to know before you can even get to the vent that leads to the elevator

He will then proceed to break both of your legs, not flinching or pausing when your cries of pain echo throughout the underground circus

Will take care of you until you feel better, by then you would have learned your lesson...

"Now now, don't give me that look...why are you crying? Didn't you even think of what was going to happen? Tsk Tsk..i suppose i will put aside my lovely performance just to take care of you..”

🐇Funtime Freddy🎤

If you thought Funtime Foxy was bad, then you clearly don't know fear until you've experienced a Yandere!Funtime Freddy

Now, Freddy by himself is already dangerous enough as it is

But because he has Bon Bon and can literally throw him at people, there is absolutely no hope for you, I’m sorry to say

As for how you got stuck with this psychotic bitch, you are given the ✨Night Shift✨ instead of Michael

And for those of you that know your stuff, Michael has to deal with Freddy and Bon Bon on night 2

So on your second night of working your Night Shift, you got stuck with this motherfucker

Will let you leave the weird back room closet thing he calls his room, but will have the others keep you away from the door

Suuuuper aggressive; if you wanted him to be nice, do everything he says, simple as that

As for entertainment, he will tell jokes and will sometimes play hide and seek with you

Nah never mind he plays hide and seek with you a lot, it gets super terrifying

I can imagine you think your hiding well and then you just hear a whisper in front or behind you saying “Found you…I win”

No hope for you escaping, it’s just you watching him recite programmed jokes over and over and over again

If you try to escape, will let you get to the vent before promptly throwing bon bon at your head, essentially giving you a concussion

He will take care of you though! No need to worry!

If you dare pull something like this again, more headaches and concussions until it gets through your thick skull (his words)

“How many times am I going to have to do this before it gets through that thick fucking skull of yours?! *sigh* It’s fine, I will just have to keep you in my room for another week, not like you can say anything against it..”

-

This is my first time writing yandere stuff so I hope I got this right! I didn’t go back and check to see if these had proper grammar and spelling but it’s fineee-

Hope you have an amazing rest of your day/night!

-artistic-intrxvert

[threadsun]

Me: I don't think we talk about yandere Joseph enough

Also me: Aren't you a writer, fuckin let loose

So! Picture it with me, you are the barista at some local cafe near a film set. Because of all the high class actors and their respective followers coming in and out you're pretty used to the weird shit these people order. So imagine your surprise when mister "Thesis long order" Laurent walks in with his coworker who just orders "Uh, gee, I don't know. Whatever you get, I guess?"

You make Jean's order first so he doesn't bitch and then make your favorite drink for his friend. Your fingers brush each other as you hand him the drink and you think you see him blush before taking a sip "Woah, this is really good. Thank you" You try to tell him it's just your job but the way he says it just...does something to you. People rarely thank you here anyway but that one sounded so genuine, so real

After that Joseph becomes a regular, usually picking up Jean's abomination along with something to keep him going as well. He never orders for himself though, always trusting you with his morning coffee. There's something kind of intimate about it, all the trust he holds in you, all the time he tries to spend with you even though you can tell he's both busy and exhausted. In this town of fake complements and latter climbers he's so refreshing, so charming, you jokingly tell him if you didn't have a boyfriend you'd have asked him out by now

"...Boyfriend?" The way he says it sends chills up your spine, he was so chipper a few seconds ago but now he looks like he just found out his dog died. You tell him not to worry, he's not the jealous type so hanging out with guy friends is fine "Right, yeah, um...sorry I have to go" And like that he's gone

Joseph still shows up the next day but something's off about him. He looks...guilty? You figure it's because now that he knows you're taken he feels bad about trying to covertly flirt with you everyday so you brush it off. That night you're supposed to be picked up by your boyfriend so you two can go on your date but he's running late, like, an hour late, he's not answering his phone either

After waiting out for about thirty minutes Joseph walks by the cafe "Oh, hey, are you ok? You're usually gone by now, aren't you? I mean, I have to walk by here every night to get back to my place and I've never seen you out here before" You tell him you're just waiting on your boyfriend but it's already been half an hour, so, fuck it. You'll just talk to him tomorrow

"Oh, well I'm sorry to hear that. Want me to walk you home again?" Joseph had walked you home a few nights already seeing how dangerous these streets can get at night, so you take him up on his offer. You two walk to your apartment building but once you get closer you start to hear sirens. You and Joseph pick up the pace, running until you see it, there are cop cars outside of your apartment building

You walk up to the cops and ask what happened, they tell you there was a potential homicide in the building earlier that night and that you can't go in until they've collected enough evidence. You're heart drops onto the concert and shatters when you hear your boyfriend's name fall from their lips

You don't remember much after that, just the warmth of Joseph's hands on your shoulders as he walked you to his apartment. Over the next week you stay with Joseph, both because your apartment was now littered with cops and awful memories, that and you don't think you can be alone right now. Joseph is as kind as ever, letting you stay rent free while you take some time off work to grieve

After a few months, life gets better. The scars on your heart will never heal fully but they're made easier to deal with, especially with Joseph around. He's so sweet, even helping you fully move into his place after you tell him you don't think you can go back to that apartment building again, he even makes your coffee now, exactly how you like it, always saying "I learned from the best"

It's so domestic, you don't even bat an eye when he wraps his arms around your waist while you're cooking, leaning in and giving you a kiss on the cheek while you ask him about his day. Everything is about as perfect as it could be with a mending heart, that is until you start being in charge of laundry. Joseph had a pesky habit of throwing his clothes off before going to bed so you have to really look for some of them, and that's when you find it, one of his shirts covered in old dried blood

Oughhhhhhh this is so good!!! Yandere Joseph is very underappreciated >:3c

[inconveniently-discorporated]

Great. Now I'm having self-reflective feelings when it comes to how much I relate to Aziraphale. 🥲

Not putting this one under the cut because there's no pictures, but there will be spoilers and I'll tag as well, so scroll on by if you'd like.

I talked a little bit earlier how I can relate to the feeling of wanting control, and how when that was offered to me by a previous job with a toxic environment, I took it even though I had misgivings about it. And even though I wasn't happy, I was still afraid to leave because I didn't want to lose that control.

Well, I forgot about another aspect of this situation that I can COMPLETELY relate to Aziraphale about.

It's the part where Aziraphale comes in and excitedly starts chattering about how he thinks he was wrong about the Metatron, and how he wasn't so bad after all.

Holy SHIT can I relate to that.

You see, I feel like I am simultaneously petty as fucking hell (cross me and I WILL remember exact dates and quotes), while also desiring to forgive really easily. And like Aziraphale, it's not all completely selfless -- a lot of it is, it simply takes a lot of energy to be angry at someone, and it's really inconvenient to have to work around it if the other person has something you need (e.g., a coworker you need to work with, a shop owner who finds the records you want).

But I also... just generally want to believe that people are good? And I think Aziraphale does too.

One of my former coworkers was extremely toxic. One moment, they would be perfectly fine and get along with the team and actually be helpful. The next, they would be PURPOSELY awful to people with zero remorse. Just saying some of the most hurtful things, being a bully.

What hit me hard is how much I wanted to believe that maybe things could change. I could SEE that glimmer of a good person deep down! Moments of compassion or simply deep understanding. We would go weeks without incident, and I would start to think, "I think there's real progress being made! Maybe I really was wrong about them, maybe there's a reason they acted that way before."

I think that was what kept me there the longest: I kept forgiving them (plural, because it wasn't just this one coworker) for doing hurtful things again and again and again. And I also internalized the treatment as something I was not faultless in -- if only I was better, if only I was not so weird, if only I fit in or understood.

And I see this happening again and again throughout my life. I have a hard time judging intentions, sort of. It's more like, my judgement is STRONGLY influenced by my insecurities and my feeling that most people are generally good and have reasons for what they do.

But I don't know any other way to be? I'm not always wrong. I have someone like Crowley in my life, who is far more suspicious of others -- but I don't feel like they're always right either? It's just HARD, because I would rather believe someone and give them the benefit of the doubt, but I also need to make sure I don't get hurt.

There's no point I'm trying to make. Only that I can relate to why Aziraphale trusts the Metatron. And, damn, Neil did it again with a character that I can feel in the pit of my soul.

[spacequokka]

Pairing: ceo!Jongin x journalist!Reader Genre: CEO AU Rating: T for language Summary: You confront him and find you might have bitten off more than you can chew. Word Count: 1.6k 😭 he said fuck a drabble Warnings: invasion of personal space with no clear consent as well as a kiss, ends on a cliffhanger because I'm putting the smut in its own post, they low-key admit to stalking each other, it's a messy situation but I promised i'd share so here we are.

If it hadn’t been for the flash of headlights when he unlocked his car, you wouldn’t have spotted him. Your source swore on his mother’s grave the rumor was true, that he’d seen it himself, and now you owed him five hundred bucks. All in the name of journalism.

One of the more infamous Kims, Jongin was a master of deception. He avoided the paparazzi with ease and turned down all attempts to interview him. But not tonight, not this time. You double checked your recorder was ready and left your hiding spot in the shadows.

“Mr. Kim!” You jogged over, careful not to touch his shiny Maserati lest he accuse you of vandalism on top of harassment. “Fancy seeing you out this late. Got a minute?”

He looked around bewildered until his gaze landed on you and his eyes narrowed as he kept eye contact. “Whatever it is the answer’s ‘no’, ‘no comment’, or ‘fuck off.’”

“Tell me something I don’t know,” you muttered as you scrambled to put yourself between him and the driver’s door. “Like what you’re doing here at Oh Sehun’s penthouse at,” you checked your watch, “two in the morning. Wow. Kinda late for any business meetings, isn’t it?” You looked up at him with a smirk. “But then again, aren’t you two ‘sworn rivals’ who refuse to work together?”

“Get out of my way before I call the police.” His voice was monotone, utterly bored even though the show had barely started. “I’ll make sure to have my attorney contact your boss about personal space and stalking.”

“Look, I’ll cut the shit if you do to the same.” You shifted your weight to your other leg as you pulled out a stack of polaroids your source had given you. “It looks like some secret love affair between rivals, but I know better. I’ve seen the numbers after these little visits. Tell me you two aren’t secretly working together to maximize your company’s profits.”

He blinked a few times. “What?”

“Stock manipulation is fraud, Kim. This is so close to insider trading I can smell the SEC crawling out of their sewer hole.” You palmed the recorder hidden in your pocket, reassuring yourself you could do it. You could go in for the kill. “All I have to do is turn in my findings and they’ll jump at the chance to bring you both down. Imagine what it’ll do to your company, your reputation.”

He was quiet as he processed your words, eyes still focused on you. You could almost see the gears in his head turning. When he spoke, his voice was low, just above a whisper that you weren’t sure would pick up on your recorder. “Are you sure you want to go that route?”

The threat left you uneasy, but it wasn’t unexpected. You knew this could happen given who he was and the money he had at his disposal. “Are you? I admit, I’m just one person. If I disappear there’s not many who’d miss me. But once the accusation’s out there, no one will ever let you forget it, especially with the evidence I’ve gathered.”

He blinked a few times as his head slowly tilted to the side. It was possible he’d get violent. You weren’t even sure he was unarmed. You’d had the sense to send a backup of your files to your coworker, Minhee, along with a scheduled email to your supervisor, but you hadn’t processed that meant you wouldn’t see either of them again. A slow smirk curved his lips and he took a step forward into your personal space.

“You’re so brave, you know that?” He put a hand on top of his car over your shoulder and leaned in. “And so smart. Anyone else would keep their distance and make wild assumptions, but not you. Oh, no. You were a good girl and had to be thorough.” One of his cold fingertips traced your cheek. “I have to admit, I admire that level of dedication.”

The switch in his demeanor was sudden. It felt like your head was actually spinning. “I’m sorry?”

“You don’t get to where I am without knowing everyone, _____. And I’ve known about you for a while now.” He reached into your pocket, closed his hand around yours, and pressed stop on the recorder. “I’ve heard all about your exceptional detective work, about your award winning articles, and your addiction to danger.” He bit his bottom lip. “Can I let you in on a little secret?”

Mindfuck couldn’t even begin to cover your mental state at the moment. All you could do was nod dumbly.

He leaned against you, slotting his thigh between yours, and said, “This is the most trouble I’ve ever gone through to get closer to someone.” His fingers lightly traced over your coat before settling on your waist. “Will you make it worth my time?”

You blinked away the stupor and leaned back to look up, bringing your faces mere inches away from each other. “I’m not stupid enough to fall for your schemes. I know what I saw and what I’ve found.”

He nodded. “And I know people who can hack networks and databases and manipulate the information you find. I know your most trusted source would say anything for the right amount of money. For fuck’s sake, I’m the king of the fashion industry. If anyone knows how to set the stage, it’s me.” His hands moved up to your waist and gently pulled you back to him. “Everything you think you know is all a part of my show.”

For the first time since you’d stepped out that night, you felt the cold. The chill seeped through your gloves and boots and into your skin, right down to the bone. “B-bullshit. You’re full of—”

“I could be, sure. You’re more than welcome to file a report. Go public and tell the world how I’m a wolf in sheep’s skin. My PR team and lawyers will have it all swept away by the time you go to sleep.” He shrugged. “Whatever makes you feel better. I won’t hold it against you. As long as you’ll reward me for working so hard.”

You put a hand on his chest with barely enough push behind it to keep him from getting closer. “Reward you? How would I—”

“Come home with me, pretty girl.” His voice dropped to a murmur as his thigh moved higher. “Just give me one night. Need to see you spread out on my bed, tangled in my sheets. Gotta know how you taste, what sounds you make.”

You grabbed his arms and squeezed. “You want me to believe you risked your reputation just to get me in bed? That’s outrageous!”

The lust in his eyes gave way to a confused frown. “I take it flattery doesn’t do it for you?”

“Not when it’s obvious bullshit. I’ll take my chances.” You pushed a little harder and he took a step back, putting his hands into the pockets of his slacks to adjust them. Popping a boner to sell his story was a bit much, but maybe he was really committed to the lie. You’d heard of stories of millionaires getting into kinky, stupid shit because they were bored and could wipe their ass with money. If this wasn’t some clever way to cover his ass and keep the SEC out of his business, it was entirely possible he’d really orchestrated everything. But for you? Nah.

Unless…

“Can you prove it?” It took a lot of willpower to look him in the eyes and not shy away. “Can you prove everything you’ve done? To trick me, I mean. Prove to me you’re not committing fraud.”

That smile returned. “Of course. I accounted for your skepticism, and since I was already leaving a trail for you to follow, made a backup on a flash drive. Of course, that’s at my place.” His eyes trailed down your body and back up. “It’s just a short ride from here.”

“You want me to follow you to your place?” You poked a thumb in the direction of your car.

He shook his head. “It’d be much easier if you just rode with me.” He gestured to his car. “Just hop in and we’ll be on our way.”

You threw up your hands. “If you’re gonna kill me, just do it here and be done with it! Or let me go home so you can pay someone else to do it.”

“I already told you. How many other ways do I need to spell it out for you?” He took a step forward. “I’ve had my eyes on you.” Another step. “And l want you bad enough to go through all this trouble,” he caged you up against his car, “just to get you right here, just like this. I wanna kiss you so bad, pretty girl. Bet you taste better than I imagine. The innocent ones always do.”

He leaned in and you couldn’t help it. You couldn’t ignore the growing spark of desire he’d ignited. His lips were cold, but the way he moaned upon contact with yours was enough to forget the sensation. His hands cradled your head, keeping you in place as he ghosted his lips over your mouth. A quick swipe of his tongue left a chill over your bottom lip before he pulled away.

“Don’t make me get on my knees and beg, baby. Get in the car.”

⟨⟨ Series ML || Group ML || Next ⟩⟩

[kiwibeanv]

Astray in the Black Water: Post-Chapter 2 -> Chuuya

Fatal Frame 5 x Bungo Stray Dogs Crossover x fem! reader

Flashbacks of dying shrine maidens plagued your dreams. A knife cutting into you, a man gouging your eyes, being forced into a reliquary, and seeing people commit suicide before your eyes. You woke up with a racing heartbeat. Those dreams felt too real. Not even the emptiness of your home could console you. Footsteps creek along the floorboards, yet you swear you lived alone. Random whispers that you thought were in your head.

A restless night was no excuse to close your café for the day. You at least let in your workers and made arrangements for your absence that day. With the warm sun rising, ghostly activity slowed down and you had a better moment of peace.

You didn't rise from your bed until your phone rang. It was your coworker calling you that you had a visitor who wished to speak with you. Assuring them that you will attend, you got yourself dressed and ready.

Emerging from the diamond door, you immediately spot the man with a hat sitting on his head. He sat on the stool of your counter, playing with the napkin on the table. Hearing the sound of the door opening and closing, he turned to you and you recognized his face. The same man Dazai was familiar with. However, you couldn't recall hearing his name.

"Good morning," you greet as you settle behind the counter at the edge where he sat. "I hope you did not wait long?"

"Mornin'," Chuuya crumpled the napkin in his hand. "Nah only a little." He studied your face. "You look like you didn't get your full eight hours."

"Ah, I did came home very late," you took a seat. "I never got your name."

"Nakahara Chuuya. You?"

"(Last Name) (First Name). A pleasure meeting you."

Chuuya nods his head and repeats your name in his head. "Likewise. So about my case..." He cleared his throat and sat up. "Need your help looking for a dear friend of mine. Last known location was in that same mountain you were in yesterday with those punks."

You raised your brow. "How long ago did she go missing?"

"Four days by now. The sooner you search, the better. I'd like to join you, but I got a busy day today. I'm available tonight, though."

"It's not safe going at that time. Just last night, I witnessed more spirit activity."

Chuuya frowned. "Shit... but don't you have fancy equipment to do something about those ghosts?"

"I do, however, it is still risky."

"I'm coming anyways. Four days is too long. I can't wait any longer."

"Alright..." You reached for a notepad on the counter. "So... where and when should we meet up?"

"I'm gonna see if I can make it at..." Chuuya paused to think over his schedule. Whatever he had planned, it really depended if the job gets done fast. "Put it down for 7PM. I might come in sooner. Oh and here in this quaint café of yours."

You wrote the note down with a nod.

"Oh! By the way," Chuuya rested his chin on his hand. "You don't... plan on visiting Dazai?"

"I do need to stop by the office for a report today," you replied.

"Look, hand me a paper and pen."

You passed the pen and the notepad to him. He wrote down his phone number and signed his name.

"Here's my number. Not just to contact you about this case," he slid the notepad back to you. "But I know a lot of things about Dazai. He's the worst person to be around with, let alone date him. So, if he happens to trouble you or you got any questions, I'm the guy you should talk to."

You studied his handwriting on the notepad. It was neatly written and his cursive signature was so elegant. "And why should I be concerned about Dazai?"

"I have a long list of reasons. He lies, he's manipulative, doesn't pay his bills. As soon as you are done with the ADA, ditch 'em. Mainly Dazai, but I think you get the point."

"I see..." you stood up from your seat. "Well, tonight we meet here again. I will finish my business and... see you then."

Chuuya got up from his seat.

"Mhmm. See ya."

He tipped his hat before leaving the café. Once he disappeared, you gathered your things before you left to the ADA.

Optional Post-Chapter Content: ADA (Go in order descending)

-> Kunikida

-> Atsushi

-> Dazai

Else, here is the next chapter link.

-> Chapter 3

[deadlittledogs]

Okay sorry giant rant about my coworker and the horrible day of work I had yesterday due to her lol.

My coworker, who I originally loved working with, is fucking destroying me now. I don’t know what happened…. I really got along with her initially because she’s autistic and I appreciated that our convos were very straight forward. If she says something- she means it, and I enjoyed being able to talk to someone without ‘jumping through hoops’ so to speak. A lot of our younger coworkers really despise her for that very reason and take her blunt directness as being bossy and over controlling though, which to me just showed a lack of understanding towards tone implication and body language. Nothing about her ever came off as condescending or demanding, even when she was prattling off a whole list of chores for me.

BUT SINCE FOSTERING THESE CATS…. AUGHHH…. SHE’S BEEN ON MY DICK DUDE. It’s her special interest so I’ve been attempting to humor her the best I can but I like my space and I already have a bit of an evasive personality when it comes to these things. I don’t see us as being close enough that she needs to come over every week and….. hangout…….

I feel especially soured about this demanding "I Have To Come Over I Have To Come Over Right Now" vibe because the last time she came over she made a comment about my friend who had stayed over the week prior, saying we both….. hurt her feelings…. for some reason..... which. KIND OF PISSED ME OFF? It was such a nothing interaction we all had, such surface level pleasantries, but yet somehow my buddy was ‘confrontational’ and I had referred to her as ‘coworker’ instead of ‘friend’ which made her upset. OKAY….. I GUESS……….?

It really made me grit my teeth because, I don’t know, man, who the fuck are you? Just be pissed off I wasn't texting you back like a normal person and use that to stir the pot, don’t mix in all this other weird shit involving my friend who you spoke 5 fucking words to like it's supposed to mean something.

And then yesterday.... UGHHHH.... She comes into work while I was having a pleasant enough time making mild eye contact with the tiny skater boy at my job and instantly she fucking has this GIANT meltdown because the candies in storage aren’t alphabetized anymore. The managers try to convince her it’s fine, the person who organized them that way is trying to tell her it’s fine, I’M trying to tell her it’s fine, but she starts throwing the candy everywhere and fucking yelling at people anyways. She's losing her shit. She's three seconds from going postal. She's about to kill 'em all and let God sort 'em out. It gets to the point where the younger manager finally snaps and tells her she’s not the one whos running the place and things are allowed to change and she starts bawling her eyes out and completely runs off.

I'm flabbergasted.

She vanishes for about 30 minute before texting me to see if she can go home alongside me after my shift ends in a couple hours. She's one of the only closers for the night so without her everyone else would be totally porked in the ass. I WAS LIKE….. NO????? YOU HAVE TO….. WORK???????? THIS WOMAN IS ALMOST 50. I JUST IGNORED IT AND TOLD THE MANAGER SHE WAS GONNA TRY AND RUN OFF LOL.

The tension in the air after that was palpable. I'm standing there in the corner with all my muscles wounded and tight because I can taste the pungent malcontent in the space around us like mold on the walls. All of this over fucking candy. I tried my best to mind my own business but she ends up getting pissed off at me an hour down the line because I didn’t run after her and try to comfort her while she was crying. She asked me how I perceived the whole situation and I tried to explain to her, in my best guidance counselor sort of tone, that, well, you might've had a little bit of an overreaction there, buddy. Obviously this stems from your autism but there needs to be a healthier way to manage that where it doesn't involve getting everyone upset.

She basically tells me I have low empathy.

OOF..... I guess it hurt a little because it feels a bit true at times, even if I know it's not. I have a great deal of empathy but I'll admit, it gets buried down below, and there's a hurt in me bad enough that it's sort of blocked everything out. On one hand it's nice, because I'm not sitting around crying all day anymore but it can suck when I'm having a good time with a friend or having a fun experience and all I can focus on is the mawing black hole inside of me eating all of it up. I used to get a great deal of comfort from being able to be that shoulder to cry on, to give someone advice I really thought would help them, being useful to others in one of the only ways I felt I could; but now I feel like a walking wasteland. I keep losing my shit with my dad because the amount of emotional regulation and faux therapy he needs from me is enough to have me sitting in my room all day prodding my tongue against the steel barrel of a six shooter just so I'll be left alone.

I think the problem with this coworker is she wants to be friends, like friends-friends, but she doesn't even fucking know me. I don't want this little gnat of responsibility buzzing around me all the time, one more person I have to worry about fucking it up with, one more lie I have to spit out because I'm putting on a face for her. It's exhausting. Can't we just shoot the shit and do stock orders together? Why does it have to be this whole fucking thing every single time now? You were supposed to be drama-free but now you're either banging on my door during my precious goon hours or you're crying that I won't take care of you and I'm a bad friend. LIKE DUDE JUST CUT YOURSELF IN THE BATHROOM LIKE A NORMAL PERSON IDK.

It did sort of make me feel like an asshole. Sure, I thought the whole situation was retarded but she was a person in a need and I deliberately avoided her. I knew in that moment when she ran off that she was probably expecting me to follow, but instead I chose to stay due to my own feelings on the manner (-mainly, "this is a dumb"). I dunno, I guess it's something to reflect on further.... but I'll also say my history of needing to emotionally regulate people all the time, mainly with my father and my ex-bestie, isn't healthy and I should be allowed to have boundaries when it comes to that stuff.

Overall I just want to avoid this coworker now lol. I placated the situation by inviting her over next week and telling her she could come play with the cats again, though it's not something I feel particularly enthused about. I JUST WANT TO QUIT THIS JOB......... One of the only other decent workers is leaving and I'm going to be left with all the high school dumb dumbs who stand around on their phones all day and have no idea how to do fucking anything without constant instruction. Like I've mentioned before, MAYBE I CAN MAKE MONEY OFFA MY ART and only need to work there like twice a week. It's a nice job in the sense that I can fuck around, it's insanely easy and they don't really care when I call out or take long vacations. It'd be nice if I could make the brunt of my earnings at home in muh pj's and just use the butthole job as supplemental income to make sure I'm not eating shit every month lol. We will see though.... LE SIGH.......

[chipistrate]

AN ASK ABOUT DR RABBIT AND VANNY YAYYY

anyways I know you’ve done some art before but what do you think their dynamic is like?? Do you think they get along well or is it more like vanny being goofy and doc having to put up with her bs lmao.

that’s all I wanted to ask also your art is amazing and your dr rabbit design is everything to me he’s such a goofball 🫶

OKAY I KNOW I SAID THEY HATE EACH OTHER AND THEY DO But genuinely after getting used to each other I think they actually get along decently,,,, at least they bounce off each other well<3

On the topic of Vanny being goofy and Rab having to deal with it though- specifically one detail about their dynamic rotates in my mind a lot- and that's Vanny trying to flirt with ALL OF VANESSA'S FEMALE COWORKERS. ALL THE TIME. Part of it is cause she's a lesbian but also a huge part of it is just annoying Dr. Rabbit LMAO She goes up to him a lot like "hey what do you think about [insert female coworker]" and Rab's always so bothered. "Vanny I am begging you to shut the fuck UP we have WORK to do, PLEASE stop trying to flirt with Vanessa's coworkers for FIVE SECONDS" "...I think I'm gonna ask her out for coffee" "YOU BETTER FUCKING NOT"

They also gossip about everyone in the building and even the elusive higher ups- they have eyes practically everywhere and know practically everything, so they have plenty of gossip material<3 They think the higher ups are so lame btw they alwaysss shit talk them

They also complain about Vanessa and Gregory's normal lives that they have to keep up (until Rab just abandons his and makes Gregory go missing), Vanny thinks Vanessa's job is such a pain in the ass and she hates it, while Rab is more indifferent on school- but loves to shit talk bullies and the two will make fun of them together for being cheesy or the most stereotypical bully, etc etc. They also LOVE shit talking Vanessa's dad they hate him so much they think he's a fucking dick even by their standards and they bully him alllll the time. Some times they'll toy with like- "lmao yknow we could just go kill him like. Right now." and they never do it cause he's too far away but it'd be a lie if they said they never genuinely considered it

They also cover for each other sometimes- like if Glitchtrap wants them to go do something but one of them wants to take a snack break, they'll sneak off to the kitchen while the other covers for them<3 Or if Vanessa is supposed to be at a certain place during her shift but isn't cause Vanny is busy, Rab will just pretend he's Gregory/Greg and distract her coworkers by saying he needs help or messing with the animatronics- whatever he can to make them busy and not realize Vanessa is gone until she's back. They've got each others backs forever and ever

They have a very silly dynamic essentially- like they want each other dead but they love each other and their dynamic can be wholesome sometimes<3

ALSO ERHUSJGHUESIRJDL THAKN YOU!!!!! He IS such a goofball the goofiest dude ever<33333

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Trigun Stampede Episode 1 Reaction

Ok here goes. Idk how entertaining I'll be but... you know. This is mostly because I am having a weird time of things rn. Also, I have no background knowledge of this series whatsoever asides from that it might be a western and there was a 90s series and manga also, so if you're an og fan and this is painful... I am sorry lol.

But without further ado, let's go!

Oh. We're in space. ...ok then!

Well this just went poorly. Rip cryo-people.

Noooo mom :(

Ok so I can't tell; is the ship on autopilot or is Nai piloting it, because if it's the latter - you go, little guy, you got skill.

Cannot explain how funny this is. "I would like to use my communication skills more! I would like to make a positive impact!" <- every resumé ever if you want to get a job lol. Birth place "December"... interesting. There's also a "November" and a "July". Why all names of the months? But it's also May, like, temporally - is that not a bit confusing for people? I don't know what "PE081" means as a birth date... also she is. Tiny. Smol, even.

Ah, young idealist, older cynic dynamic. Always pretty fun.

These two have now both shoved papers in each other's faces. Whipping your coworker in the face with a well-timed paper can be a form of affection... I think?

HJHFBSJHC??????

Are none of them... warm? In these outfits? In the desert?

Bro's arm just fell off. "There it goes" Does this happen a lot to you sir???

Our protagonist, everyone.

"He's evil and destructive" Have you... looked at him. Like, don't judge a book by its cover but. Have you looked at him?

^He has kicked puppy energy.

I have nothing to say. Just look at this.

Map! I love maps!

Sand ocean??? Like there's no oceans? How do they get water??? Odd that July is here but not December or November. I'm assuming these are three of the "seven cities"? What are the other four? Are they also month-themed? Also some of these names are real funny. These people naming their towns and cities like "Creepy Valley" and "Stinky Lakeside". Actually seems quite normal to me tbh. And we are in Jeneora Rock atm it seems. Is it going to update as we go? That'd be cool! :D

Hjdfhvdjh he just stayed tied up for. Some reason. Roberto's face 😂

Oh, huh. Plants are. Biological organisms and not power plants. Like I assumed. So they were made but can't be made anymore because they don't have the knowledge or the technology? Odd...

His bounty is about the same as a new plant... how convenient...

Ok I know I said 'kicked puppy energy' earlier but you don't have to actually kick him...

Boy really does not want to hurt anyone :( (Hmmm now I'm starting to think he probably has at some point...)

Damn, that's some quick thinking Roberto.

Meryl: "Idk senpai this guy seems like he sucks" hjfhgnvj

Aw, buddy. Dropping the goofiness as soon as the crowd can't see him anymore :(

Hey I just realized his jacket has "SEEDS" on the arm like the spaceship! But he didn't have the coat when he got ejected so...... I'm sure I will find out later.

You guys cannot hear the quiet giggling I'm making right now. This shot plus the music - I was right about the western genre apparently, it's just on another planet.

BRO????? Where'd you pull the rocket launcher from?????? Wtf????? Why would you do that?????

Ah. He's lost his mind.

Roberto just bodily flinging Meryl into the alley ahdfihvs

He's out of bullets??? 😭

...he's crying.

Dang Meryl, you got a great throwing arm!

Oh shit. Yeah, I had a feeling he was actually extremely competent. He's holding back on purpose.

NO FRICKIN WAY. ONE BULLET WAS ALL HE NEEDED???

Ok now the animators are just showing off.

Oh. Hm. I was wondering where Nai went and. Hm. Yeah the whole accomplice thing might explain Vash's reticence to actually fight. His brother killed Rem? Yikes. He did offer his hand out to her at the beginning though... idk did he really mean for her to die along with the others? The music is hauntingly beautiful btw!

...his name is Millions Knives?

Aaaand that's a wrap on that! I'm intrigued and I feel like this episode answered absolutely nothing but raised a whole lot of questions, which is, well, what a first episode should do. The animation is really sharp geez. I generally prefer 2D animation but there's a lot of character to the expressions and motions - I think they really pulled it off!

Until next episode!

[iavenjqasdf]

⬆lifehack🔌

I sigh, slipping off my coveralls from another 10 hour shift at the lifehack video factory. They have a thousand of us in a thousand tiny pastel colored sets in a big warehouse just outside of town where they give us a hot glue gun and a big bucket of random shit every morning and tell us we need to get 15 minutes of content out of it, or else we don’t get to come back tomorrow.

It’s soul crushing work, but I’d like to imagine some of the stuff I come up with makes a difference to someone, somewhere. One day I might even be in charge of this place, in the office looking down at everyone hot gluing bullshit together for MY profit, and it’ll be all worth it and everything.

The parking lot is pretty much empty; the pillow and doughnut holes in my mystery surprise loot office supplies box were giving me a lot of trouble so I left way later than everyone else. They keep the power on all night to save money or something, so I got to walkby all those identical powder pink and baby blue and mustard yellow boxes lined up in a perfect grid all along the warehouse floor and imagine what my coworkers had been up to all day.

I’m almost at my car, parked beside an unfamiliar one, when the redditor who’s been rustling in the bushes jumps out and surprises me, fumbling the hot glue gun he was holding for a second, but before I have a chance to ask if he’s lost or something the cord wraps tight around my trachea.

I see it snaking back into the bushes and realize he must have it plugged in in on one of the outdoor plugs with like, an extension cord or something, and I notice a little phone on a tripod balanced on the hood of his Mazda MPV (both held together with a lot of duct tape and hot glue) and realize he’s set this whole thing up, probably trying to make some kind of retarded point or something? I don’t have a lot of time to put into thinking about all of this as I’m a bit busy being choked with the cord of a hot glue gun.

He dangles the nozzle right above my soft exposed eyeball and a pearly drop of liquid hot death beads at the tip. I beg and plead for him to just let me go, man, i just work there, I’m just trying to get by, and then the searing tip sizzles against my sclera and I scream and shake my head back and forth, little molten strands of hot glue connecting to the quivering teary eye goop like molten pizza cheese. He laughs in my ear, something about karma, and pulls the cord tighter.

I think the extension cord got kicked out at some point because even though he’s still pulling the trigger it’s no longer burning up quite as hot, but there’s still a bunch of cord tight around my neck as I struggle and the tip (just the tip) is still hot when he shoves it between my lips and I can smell them sizzling like sausages as I try to push against the molten intrusion with my tongue and feel the layers of that burning to edible internal temperatures too, and the stuff around my lips is starts to harden together like a shell of hard solid cum crystal sealed all around my mouth and hot glue trickles down my throat.

I manage to channel another burst of adrenaline and we stumble into the car. I hear the tripod and phone clatter somewhere and I take the distraction to shove myself free from his grip, the tangled extension cord whips around his ankle and he loses his balance and tips over and ive got one hand on the handle of the glue gun trying to pull it off my well-done lips without depressing the trigger any more but my legs are free to kick the bastard and-

I should also at this point mention that the parking lot is still totally empty. I guess it would be even weirder if all this happened while people were watching live, but I know that objectively it’d make for great content, so I’d like to think I wouldn’t take it too personally if they were, either.

Anyway I’m kicking the bastard while still trying to wrench my lips off the hot glue spigot when he like, grabs hold of the loose end dangling off the part that’s in my mouth and gives it a good tug, and I go tripping over him and slam against the grill of his Mazda MPV and his camera getting crushed somewhere as we roll around (get fucked asshole) and his hands are climbing their way up the energy rope to the glue gun so I kick his arm but he kepes a strong enough grip that it actually tears away the huge bloody half-solid iceberg of hot glue and lipmeat from my face, but I can breathe a lot better now and the adrenalin’s still kinda giving me temporary invincibility, so I just start stomping like the guy from Drive (forgot his name), and I stomp and stomp and stomp and stomp and stomp and stomp and stomp and stomp and stomp and stomp and stomp and stomp and stomp and stomp and stomp and stomp and stomp and stomp and stomp until there’s basically just a slippery red puddle all around my feet, little clear rivulets from the hot glue gun sizzling away where they make contact, and the pain suddenly all hits me at once and I scream bloody agonized murder as loud as my partly-glued lungs can manage.

They fire me from the lifehack factory the next day, because I wasn’t handy enough about making useful content for them and also because of the mess I made in the parking lot.

ao3