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goldengoddess · 3 years

Note

soooo the idea is a fic set during king of scars where the reader is nikolai's childhood best first and we stumble into his room one evening and we actually see him change into the demon and just absjajnsns

i am yours - nikolai lantsov

* KING OF SCARS & RULE OF WOLVES SPOILERS *

pairing: nikolai lantsov x reader

a/n: okay this is absolutely garbage rae i am so sorry pls forgive me,,, i KNOW this is not how nikolai’s demon works and he wouldn’t just like turn back but for the sake of this fic pls pretend <33333

for the lovley @wtfrae !!! i love u pls go read her work everyone <3

warnings: spoilers! some angst n like threat of violence but y’all know me, everything is good and happy by the end

nikolai had always been the one person you could turn to. since the two of you were kids, it had always been an unbreakable bond. something no one else seemed to understand. how to kids, tossed aside by their family, tested in every way possible, were able to find each other and bring out the best in one another. nikolai made you better, made you good.

life in ravka was never easy, it was a constant struggle. especially in the years leading up to nikolai’s reign. the two of you almost hadn’t made it out alive then, and while nikolai had been out fighting with alina in the fold, you had stayed at the spinning wheel helping the injured.

but when things finally settled down, alina and mal safe and away, nikolai had told you so many stories. the two of you had spent months apart. so out of nostalgia, every night you’d sneak into nikolai’s room and listen to your best friend tell you stories about everything. all the battles he’d fought along as sturmhond, what the battle against the darkling had looked like.

and even when nikolai ran out of stories, and you ran out of questions, you kept sneaking into his room to talk to him. he was the king of ravka, during the day he never even stopped to take a breath. but his nights were reserved for you. just so he could hear the sound of your voice before he was bound to his bed by chains.

nikolai loved you dearly, you were the only constant he had ever known. but he couldn’t bring himself to share what had happened to him during the battle with the darkling, what he’d become. instead, he told you the stories he told everyone else, how he was captured and tortured. it hurt him, to lie to you. but he couldn’t have you seeing him the way he saw himself, a monster. so even though lying to you pained him every night, he would do it to hear your excited questions and giggles as you snuck out of his room.

he always made sure you were gone before zoya came in. he wouldn’t be able to explain the drugging potion. or even worse, his horrible transformation into the demon that lived inside of him.

but secrets almost never stay secrets.

“saints nikolai,” you gasped, rushing off his bed to grab grab your coat, “it’s past midnight. i can’t be in here!”

nikolai sat up and looked out his window, you watched the color drain from his face. he cleared his throat and walked over to you, “you’re right you should probably go.”

you nodded and shuffled away from him, but before opening the door you paused. you turned back to the blonde haired boy, “nikolai?”

“yes sweetheart?” he answered, facing you.

“i could,” you hesitated, “i could sleep over. one night, i’m not saying tonight. just some night. i’ll sleep on the floor but, i spend all of my night here anyways. just like when we were kids.”

as nikolai slowly walked closer to you, you waited for his teasing remark and eventual acceptance. the two of you w had a sleepover since before he left ravka. of course it wouldn’t be the same, as he was now king, but he was your nikolai.

instead, he gently tucked a piece of your hair and kissed your forehead. “i don’t think that’s such a good idea sweetheart.”

your heart shattered at his words and his at the fact that he had to say them. there was nothing he wanted more. nothing that would bring him more peace than holding you in his arms until the sunrise. not just for a couple of hours right before bed, not having to pretend that everything he felt for you was strictly platonic.

“oh” you said defeatedly. “that, yeah that’s okay. i’ll see you tomorrow nikolai.” and with that you rushed out of the room.

later, as zoya gave nikolai genya and david’s potion to knock him out, all he could think about was the horrible look on your face.

at some point in the night you’d made the decision to go talk to nikolai. the two of you couldn’t go on like this, attempting to be way you have been before the darkling and alina while tip toeing around these new feelings you had for eachother.

but as you made your way to nikolai’s doors, hand on the doorknob, you heard a soft growl coming from inside. you covered your mouth with your hand to prevent a gasp from escaping your lips. you slowly turned the handle and stepped into the room.

on nikolai’s kingly bed was a dark giant looking demon. it’s wings were the color of the night sky seen in the window of the bed room. it took your breath away.

you pressed your back against the wall, trying to move back towards the door without making any noise. but the demon heard you and snapped it’s head in your direction.

every part of your body was screaming to run, to scream even. but something stopped you. the eyes. they stopped you. they were dark and pitch black but there was something familiar about them. not the color but the way they watched you. like they were trying to remember every single part of you just in case.

nikolai was the only person who you knew looked at you that way.

“nikolai?” you whispered to the monster.

the creature craned its neck to the side, similar to the confused head tilts that nikolai used to give you during lessons. you took a hesitant step forward, holding your hands up to show that you weren’t going to cause harm.

“nikolai” you tried again, with more conviction in your voice.

the creature let out a small growl as a response and you flinched away. at your movement it out a whine and moved away from you.

you shuffled closer, “hey no no i’m okay. nikolai?”

slowly, as you repeated your best friends name over and over, the creature became less beast and more man. slowly morphing into a messy set of blonde curls and body you’d hugged more times than you can recall. your nikolai.

he curled up in a ball and leaned his back against the end of his bed.

“nikolai” you attempted softly, falling to your knees in front of him.

he scrambled away to a corner of the room, “please. please leave. i’m begging.” his voice was raspy from misuse, thought the two of you had spoken only hours before.

“nikolai i’m not leaving, please explain to me. what was that?” you pleaded with him.

“that was nothing, now go. please please” he sobbed into his hands.

you crossed your arms over your chest in a stubborn gesture that he couldn’t even see, “you’re lying to me again! i’m not leaving until you explain what that was. why can’t you tell me the truth for once?”

“that was me!” he yelled as he lifted his head and met your eyes for the first time.

you let out a sigh of relief at the familiar hazel color of his eyes. you crossed your legs together, “that was you?”

“yes that was me. that is what the darkling did to me. now please,” he let out an exhausted sob “please leave sweetheart.”

you felt tears swelling in your own eyes at his voice. how broken he sounded. your nikolai never sounded so defeated. and if he ever felt that way, he had never shown you. you crawled over to him slowly and placed your hands on the sides of his face, rubbing away the tears.

“what are you doing” he whimpered and dropped his head into your hands, “i could hurt you. sweetheart, you have to go.”

“my nikolai” you whispered, pushing his damp hair away from his forehead.

he closed his eyes and you couldn’t tell if it was from anger, exhaustion, sadness, or a mix of all of it. “i cannot be yours. i’ve lied to you, i’m a demon, a monster. you can’t possibly want me to be yours.” he spit each word about himself as if it were venom, like the words ripped away a little bit of his humanity, or his confidence.

you shook your head and softly placed your forehead again his, still holding the sides of his face. “no. you’re my nikolai. you always will be.”

you placed two soft kisses on his cheeks, one on each side. “my” kiss, “nikolai,” another kiss.

“oh sweetheart, i am yours” he sighed and opened up his knees so you could fall into his embrace. “i am so sorry.”

“you should be” you mumbled into his chest. “what if you had died nikolai? and i wouldn’t have known what was happening to you until it was too late. i could have helped.”

he kissed the top of your head, still hesitantly. “im a fool, you can spend the rest of my life reminding me. i didn’t want to ruin this, us. it’s the last precious thing i have in my life.”

“we are still precious” you whispered and clung to his shirt like your life depended on it. “the same way you are still the nikolai i have always known, since childhood. you are still good. we will fix this.”

“and if we can’t?” he asked so softly that you almost couldn’t hear him.

“then i’ll have to get just as familiar with the demon as i am with you” you joked.

and the rumble of nikolai’s laughing chest told you that everything would be perfectly fine. demon and all, he was still your nikolai.

taglist;

@deardiarystuff @bookishcrows @kazsimp @vintagebitc @obiwansjedi @thegirlwiththeimpala @hybrid-in-progress @mrs-brekker15 @mrsbrekkers @simplyluvzuko @ode-to-joy @gallysonegoodlung @sixofshadowandbone @castielcouldbeasecretdentist @meiitanoia @caaarstairs @itisroe

if your name is in bold, it means i couldn’t tag you <3

#nikolai lanstov #nikolai lantsov x reader #nikolai x reader #nikolai duology #shadow and bone #six of crows #grishaverse #kaz brekker #six of crows imagine #shadow and bone imagine #leigh bardugo #rae <3

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wizardcommune · 4 years

Text

gundham sfw alphabet

pairing - gundham tanaka x gn!reader

warnings - none!!

word count - 1.8k

a/n - FUCK YEAH GUNDHAM (also i apologize, i got lazy near the end)

a = affection (how affectionate are they? how do they show affection?)

in the beginning of the relationship, he would definitely be very hesitant to show physical or verbal affection since it wasn’t something he was used to. he’d show his love with acts of service and giving, most likely. (giving his s/o one of the devas if he knew they’d be separated for a short period of time, bringing them small trinkets he found like pretty rocks or bones, helping them with homework, etc.)

as time goes on, though, he’d become more comfortable with showing physical affection and would grow to become a huge cuddle bug!!! please hug him for me

b = best friend (what would they be like as a best friend?)

literally the coolest friend ever. especially if you had an alternative fashion sense, he’d be so down to go clothes shopping with you LMAO

if you were okay initiating physical affection outside of a romantic relationship, and were able to make him comfortable with that, he’d totally be That Friend who cuddles with you all the time!! he’d never mention it though, and would die on impact if you brought it up in front of any of his other friends/classmates

c = cuddles (do they like to cuddle? how would they cuddle?)

once he’s comfortable with it, yeah! he’s definitely super touch starved because of him not having friends most of his life, so having someone to cuddle would make his brain go ^^^^^

honestly, he’s good with any position so it’s up to his s/o. he prefers being able to see their face, though

the first time he ever cuddled with them he cried :(( shh don’t tell anyone though

d = domestic (do they want to settle down? how are they at cooking and cleaning?)

man that’s his DREAM!! the idea of just getting to live with his s/o + animals makes his serotonin machine go BRR

honestly, i think he would fucking suck at cooking. baking, however. :))

because of having to clean up after his animals and keep things out of their way, he would naturally be a pretty neat person out of habit!! i don’t think he’d mind too much if his s/o was messy though.

e = ending (if they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

I DIDNT DO THIS ONE BECAUSE IT MADE ME SAD IM SORRY

f = fiance(e) (how do they feel about commitment? how quick would they want to get married?)

gundham already sets up so many walls, and for his s/o to be able to break those down would already mean he’d be willing to commit. i don’t think he would ever just like.... date random people for funsies, so being in a romantic relationship with someone is already so big to him.

honestly, i can’t see him being the type to want to get married. he’d definitely want to settle down! but the idea of having a traditional wedding stresses him out. (of course, that doesn’t mean he’d be any less committed :))

g = gentle (how gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

dealing with small animals like the devas has left him gentle by nature!! he doesn’t even notice it, but he is always extremely careful with his s/o with the subconscious fear of accidentally hurting them/scaring them off :(

emotion wise, i think it’d be the same. when he cares about someone (whether it be romantic or platonic) he’s always cautious of teasing them too much since he knows that it can hurt sometimes.

h = hugs (do they like hugs? how often do they do it? what are their hugs like?)

HE FUCKINGNF LOVES HUGS

they’re probably SO good too, like he’s the type to give those hugs that make you feel so safe. full on wraps his arms completely around you and rests his head on yours if you’re shorter (since he’d such a fucking giraffe my god)

i = i love you (how fast do they say the L-word?)

it would definitely take a while for gundham to admit it. i can see him saying it on accident, like when he thinks you’re sleeping or not paying attention to him. he’d also need a lot of reassurance afterwards, just because of that initial fear of rejection

j = jealousy (how jealous do they get? what do they do when they’re jealous?)

if he sees someone flirting with his s/o and they’re uncomfortable, he’ll immediately wrap an arm around their shoulder.

“they said they’re taken, respect that knave.”

sometimes he does get insecure that’s he’s too much for his s/o, considering he’s an evil tyrant, and that they might want to leave him for someone who’s..... not an evil tyrant.... (once again, please give him a hug)

k = kisses (what are their kisses like? where do they like to kiss you? where do they like to be kissed?)

like i said before, he’s very gentle when it comes to affection so his kisses are vv soft!! he’ll always hold their chin or one of their hands.

his favorite places to kiss his s/o are probably their forehead and hands!!

he loves being kissed everywhere, but he really likes neck kisses and any kisses around his face :^)

l = little ones (How are they around children?)

he’s great with kids!! he’d tell them stories of how he defeated different warlocks that tried to test him, or giant manticores he tamed.

i think he’d really like kids too, mostly because they’re so easy to impress LMAO

it inflates his ego a little bit whenever one gets really into one of his stories

m = morning (how are mornings spent with them?)

if he wakes up before his s/o, he’d gently pull them into a hug while he waits for them to wake up (sobbing)

morning voice morning voice morning voice morning voice morning v

he memorized how his s/o likes their tea/coffee and will make it really groggily HAHA

n = night (how are nights spent with them?)

okokok hear me out

i think that gundham is a really good singer, so he would 100% sing u to sleep

he’d be embarrassed as hell though LMAOO

he’d probably cuddle them before they fall asleep and talk about each other’s days or just random stuff until they get tired

o = open (when would they start revealing things about themselves? do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

i think a few months into their friendship? he would talk about his childhood randomly, but would prefer if they don’t make a huge deal about it.

he’d open up more if his s/o did first! he would take it as they trust him enough to talk about it.

p = patience (how easily angered are they?)

it depends on the person! with someone like hiyoko, he can get pissed pretty quickly, but his patience is VERY thick with his s/o. generally, it takes a lot to anger him.

that being said, if they put themself in danger he would get ticked off out of fear.

q = quizzes (how much would they remember about you? do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

especially in the beginning of their relationship when he was hesitant about physical/verbal affection, he would focus heavily on listening to them. he really wanted to show them that he respects them a lot, and remembering small things they mentioned would convey that well.

r = remember (what is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

after coming out of the shower, he walked in to see them asleep on his couch with the devas curled up on top of their chest. he went to go lay down with them and it just kind of.. hit him. that he wasn’t alone anymore and they loved and were there for him. :(

s = security (how protective are they? how would they protect you? how would they like to be protected?)

he’s very protective!! (especially if you’re in the killing game) the thought of something happening to you is his worst fear.

t = try (how much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

ALL THE EFFORT

if his s/o asks him to do something in passing, you BET he’s gonna make sure he does his best

he keeps track of anniversaries/important dates religiously because he’s terrified of accidentally forgetting LMAO

u = ugly (what would be some bad habits of theirs?)

sometimes i think he might come off as cold when embarrassed because his persona is so important to him, but if they expressed being upset he would backtrack SO fast

v = vanity (how concerned are they with their looks?)

not very much?? like, i think he would brag about his hair or something sometimes but he’s always joking LMAO

w = whole (would they feel incomplete without you?)

yes and no? if something ever happened to his s/o, he would feel horribly empty for a time. but i also think that being in a relationship could help him not feel so lonely and teach him better ways to take care of himself, so if they were to ever split he would be able to heal after he got over the initial sadness.

x = xtra (a random headcanon for them.)

he’s a Mitski Understander (TM) his favorite songs are crack baby, pink in the night, and i bet on losing dogs, i’m up for debate

and yes i absolutely will be making a gundham playlist

i don’t know if this counts since i’m 90% projecting, but i hc him as trans and ND so like. solidarity if you are too wink wonk

y = yuck (what are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

a/n - just so everyone knows, i honestly think every character would be fine with any type of person since projecting is so important to a lot of us. these are just my personal headcanons, and if they don’t apply to you please don’t take it personally!! <3

i think he would really want a kind s/o. especially with what he’s been through, someone who’s gentle/patient would mean the world to him

also someone who likes animals!! they mean so much to him and were basically his entire life until he met the others, so having someone who shared that interest would make him so happy

z = zzz (what is a sleep habits of theirs?)

it’s not uncommon for him to sleep with his animals!! he mostly just sleeps with the devas though; he would probably place them near his head or on his chest so he wouldn’t accidentally roll on them.

he also really likes cuddling with his s/o when they sleep! he wouldn’t mind being the big or little spoon, either.

#god i love him #my work #gundham x reader #gundham tanaka x reader #gundham/reader #sfw alphabet #danganronpa #goodbye despair #danganronpa x reader #goodbye despair x reader #gundham tanaka

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succubusphan · 4 years

Text

Love Your Body

Summary: Dan and Phil are interrupted by everyone’s worst nightmare.

Sequel to Beautiful Stranger and I’ll Be the First to Blow Your Mind.

Rating: E

Tags: Smut, blow jobs, face fucking. There is smut but also i added a bit of plot.

Word count: 1.2k

A/n: Written for the im-PROMPT-u phandom creator challenge hosted by the @phandomreversebang, day 26: love + That’s the plan. Yes, I will probably continue this.

Read on ao3

Dan was finally taking some time off from work and spending most of his days sunbathing by the pool of his hotel. He loved the feeling of the sun rays caressing his skin, making him tremble, he could feel the heat pulling inside him at the sensations. He clutched at the arms of the lounge chair and arched his back as every muscle on his body tensed in pleasure. He gasped for air and moaned, finally opening his eyes and blinking repeatedly as his eyes tried to adjust to the light.

He heard the traffic and was brought back to reality, he was not, in fact, on vacation but his day wasn’t that much worse than his dream. Dan moaned again at a particularly skilled swirl of Phil's tongue around his cock and pulled the covers down to finally see him working on his pleasure.

“Phil!” He moaned, tangling his fingers in the other’s hair and pulling.

Phil pulled off with a pop and smirked at him. “Like your wake up call?”

Dan nodded. “Yeah, don’t stop, I’m close.”

Phil’s smile widened and he returned to his task. He swallowed Dan in one go, letting his cock slide into his throat and hummed.

Dan moaned louder and louder until he came in a scream, his body twitching in the aftershocks.

Swiftly stradling Dan, Phil started to work on his own cock, his hand moving in a blur until Dan looked at him from under his lashes and groaned. “Fuck my face.”

Phil raised his eyebrows but didn’t question him instead, he straddled Dan’s chest and carefully slid his cock into Dan’s waiting mouth.

With a smoldering look upon his face, Dan focused on covering his teeth and let Phil go to town. He really enjoyed hearing Phil’s whiney little moans every time he got close to orgasm, the dishevelled look he got when they were going at it, but above all, he enjoyed how sweet Phil was. No matter how horny he was, Phil always put Dan’s wellbeing and his pleasure before his own. Phil was, for the lack of a better word, perfect.

With that thought in mind, he hollowed his cheeks out and reached up, pinching Phil’s nipple, causing him to come with the most adorable shocked face Dan had ever seen.

Phil panted above him. “You - you are amazing.” He leaned down for a kiss.

“You can wake me up like that every day,” Dan whispered against his lips.

“Does this mean that you are coming back here after work and staying the night?” Phil asked with a smile.

“I have to sleep at my own place sometimes. The neighbors will think I went missing.”

“It’s only been three days. It’ll be fine.”

“It’s been four day and I really need to go home,” Dan said with a hint of sadness.

Phil pouted but moved off him. “Okay,” he said as he watched Dan pick his clothes up and go to the ensuite bathroom. “I could come over to your place if you wanted.”

Dan replied only with a hum. He had ruled that had helped him stay safe, physically but above all emotionally. He didn’t allow hookups in his house, none of them had ever known where he lived, or what he did; some, not even his real name. Phil was special, but Dan didn’t know if he was ready for that; it was a bit too much all of the sudden.

Phil’s phone started ringing insistently and it made Dan’s stomach crawl. ‘What if he had a boyfriend, or even worse, a husband.’ He pressed his ear to the door and unashamedly eavesdropped.

“Hi. How ar- what? Here where? No, I was in the shower, sorry. Mum, what do you mean with ‘here’? O-ok. Sure, no problem. Of course, just give me five minutes to get dressed. See you in a bit.”

Dan heard him walk around the room in a hurry.

“Fuck! Dan?”

Dan finally came out of the bathroom with only half of his clothes on but continued to dress by the bed. “Yeah? What happened?”

Phil had a bit of a deranged look upon his face and he looked paler than normal. “Dan I really really like you, but my mom is in town and coming here in like five minutes and I think it’s too soon for you to meet her.”

Dan was dressing himself in a hurry before but the possibility of Phil’s mum coming and finding him here gave him an extra dose of adrenaline. “Don’t worry, I’m not staying for the family gathering.”

“I’m so sorry, she was supposed to come next weekend, I don’t know what happened.”

“It’s fine, everything will be fine.”

Not a minute later they were walking to the door and kissing every few steps. “I’ll call you when she’s gone,” Phil said apologetically.

“Ok,” Dan smiled, but before he could pull the door open, the bell rang. The upstairs doorbell.

They looked at each other in panic for a moment until they both spurred into action.

“I’ll hide in your bedroom, you take her to the lounge and I’ll slip out.”

“Ok, ok. We can do this.” Phil said more to reassure himself than Dan.

Once Dan had taken cover in the bedroom, he cracked the door open and watched them pass by. He was about to make his escape when he realized that they hadn’t exchanged numbers and he didn’t even know what apartment he was in. He had spent the past four days rolling in the sheets with Phil, and on the floor, in the shower, in the kitchen island - even the balcony, but they had barely touched their phones the entire time. He searched for a pen inside Phil’s bedside table and he found it alongside a block of sticky notes… and like one hundred condoms, lube and a very nice turquoise vibrator. Trying not to get sidetracked, he scribbled a note with his phone number and set it on the bed.

“300-123-5577 Call me, Dan <3”

Checking that he wasn’t forgetting his phone or keys, he exited the apartment with a sigh and tried to figure out what the nearest tube station was. Dan smiled and started walking to his destination. This was no walk of shame.

His smile widened when he saw he had a text.

“Hi, this is my number. I’m afraid we got caught. My mum found your note on the bed that was clearly still messy and said that she wants to meet you (Sorry). She already knew though, you didn’t tell me I had a massive bite on my neck, are you sure you are not part vampire?”

“I guess you’ll have to wait and see if I come into your flat to bite you.”

“Please do.”

“Your mum is cute. What did you tell her about me?”

“She asked if you are my boyfriend…”

“...”

“I said ‘That’s the plan’ so now you are stuck with me.”

“Ugh, I guess you’ll do. We can discuss this later in my apartment, bring the turquoise vibrator.”

“I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“Of course you don’t.”

Dan smiled. This was going to be a good day.

#phanfic #not mine #impromptu #phan #phan smut #Phanfiction

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dreamescapeswriting · 5 years

Text

Overworked || ~ JH

Words: 3,856

Warnings: I don’t think there is any except swearing is involved

Pairings: Hoseok X Reader

Genre: fluffy|Cute| couple goals

Summery: You’re a student in college, you and Hoseok have been dating for two years, you lived together but he’s away on tour leaving you in charge of the apartment and the bills, everything get on top of you and you end up disappearing for a few days, sending everyone into a worried frenzy.

A/N: I’ve been wanting MORE Hoseok on tumblr, I can hardly find any and it makes me sad, so I took matters into my own hands. I SUCK AT WRITING SUMMARIES OKAY? IM SORRY!

Walking through the front door of your apartment you dropped your keys onto the small coffee table, kicked off your shoes and collapsed onto the grey fabric sofa, curling into a small ball and shutting your eyes for two minutes. You’d just gotten in from 8 am classes and you were exhausted but you knew you couldn’t rest for too long because you had work in an hour, another late shift at the bar down the road from your apartment, you forced your eyes open and looked at the clock above your fireplace, you had an hour before 5 pm, which meant you had to get a shower, do some homework, and then head to work, as well as facetime your boyfriend Hobi to tell him about your day but you knew you weren’t going to have enough time to do all of the above, so you sent him a small text.

Got to work a late shift tonight, I’ll call you when I’m home, have a nice practice. Love you my sunshine xoxo

You hit the send button and began getting ready for work, Hobi knew you were busy just like you knew he was busy a lot of the time so there was an understanding in your relationship if one of you didn’t have time to facetime, or call. You both knew you loved each other and would always be there when the other was ready. Your boyfriend of 2 years was currently away on a tour which meant you were home alone in your shared apartment until he came back, you didn’t mind you loved having time to yourself but it did mean you were in charge of all of the bills while he was away, you didn’t want to rely on him for money or to pay for everything when you knew you could do it yourself.

Hoseok stared at his phone, your text lighting up his face as he read it again and again, he knew you were busy with work and school, he understood that but this was the fourth time this week you’d blown him off for his morning facetime/ your afternoon facetime call, he felt hurt but he knew you were busy so he pushed the thoughts away and text you back.

Okay Princess, stay hydrated and get some rest, love you too xx

Hitting send he looked up at the ceiling in his hotel room, he was getting tired of waking up without you, he missed you a lot and you missed him too.

“Hobi!” You yelled excitedly when he answered the phone, it was 3 am your time and 4 pm his time, he frowned looking at you on the facetime call, your hair was in a messy ponytail, you were wearing one of his favourite shirts and dancing around your kitchen.

“Baby it’s 3 am, what are you doing awake?” You looked at the clock and then back to your boyfriend, still smiling away.

“I had some sleep but now I’m awake and can’t get back, so I thought I’d call you before your concert and talk to you.” You lied hiding the mug of coffee out of the camera’s view and smiling again, truth be told you hadn’t slept, you hadn’t been to sleep since the night before and you were running purely on coffee and energy drinks to keep you going, you’d been at the late shift and your boss kept you behind, making you clean up all the glasses and dishes that needed doing so you didn’t get home until 2 am, you saw no point in going to bed and started on your homework.

“I have homework to do this week, then mum wants me to get working on 200 cupcakes for my cousins birthday party that’s in one week, then I have to go to another shift later.” You said looking at him and then searching through the cupboards, you were writing a shopping list of ingredients you needed for the chocolate cupcakes.

“You need to rest, you can’t do all of this on your own.” He said with a sigh, you shook your head taking the phone to the kitchen table and showing him your already half-finished homework.

“Sure I can, I did some homework earlier, now I’m going to go to the 24-hour store and get ingredients, come back from classes and go to work, come home and bake.” You hadn’t noticed you were beginning to talk fast but Hoseok had, he noticed your teeth chattering too meaning you were on a caffeine high, he looked at you with sad eyes.

“Promise me, you’ll get some sleep.” You stared back at him and nodded, all the jumpiness in your body gone when you noticed how concerned he was for you.

“I promise, I’ll take a nap when I’m back from the store.” You whispered, sitting down in the chair and looking at him, he looked pretty tired too and you smiled.

“Promise me you’ll get some rest.” You mentioned, he smiled his big smile and nodded.

“I promise, I’ll nap after the concert.” You smiled at him and he chuckled, looking over at something behind him and sighing.

“I’ve got to go, I’ll text you. Love you.” You nodded at him.

“Love you too.”

The last facetime was a week ago, and he was starting to worry about you again, he worried anyway but now you weren’t calling him, or face timing him, you were giving him texts and barely any conversation to them. He figured you were busy with college work but he missed having his calls with you regularly and he missed how you would text him with strange dreams you had, but you’d been so rushed off your feet you hadn’t had the chance. You’d been picking up extra shifts at work, even on your half days at college you’d pick up a shift and do more work, homework was being done behind the bar when you were working, your boss didn’t mind of course but he was a little mad when you’d fallen asleep in the back of his office.

You were running off of 2-3 hours of sleep every day and you weren’t feeling the effect of it. It felt good, you felt like you had more time in the day for everything you needed to do, except, of course, message Hobi but you were studying for finals, working more and more to be able to pay for the apartment and then getting ready to bake for your family as well as keep the apartment spotless, it was tiring. You’d started to accidentally skip meal occasionally, you didn’t mean to, you were too busy working or studying to eat and when it was time to eat you just grabbed something quick, instant ramen, or a small sandwich so you would have time to eat and work.

“Namjoon?” You questioned answering the facetime call to your boyfriend’s bandmate, Joon was on the other end with a smile on his face.

“Hi Y/N, We were just wondering what you were planning for Hobi’s birthday, we wanted to surprise him but we didn’t know if you were going to do something.” You glanced over at the calendar, shit. It was his birthday in less than three weeks.

“Where are you going to be? On tour or back home?” You questioned grabbing a pen and writing down some notes on a post-it note to remind yourself you had to go shopping for him again, as well as pick up some more shifts if you were going to get him a good gift.

“Yeah, we’ll be back for his birthday.” You nodded looking at him, he was staring at you, one eyebrow raised and biting his lip

“You okay-” You cut him off.

“I’m fine, bring him home. I’ll bake a big cake, we could all have a meal together it’ll be nice.” Your giant smile on your face convinced him you were okay and he agreed, hanging up the phone and leaving you alone with your thoughts. It was currently 4 am, you had classes in two hours meaning you had time to call Hobi and ask about his tour.

You’d been on call for an hour, it felt good talking to your boyfriend again, you’d asked him about the tour, the sightseeing they’d been doing and he told you about all the small souvenirs he’d been collecting for you, an Eiffel tower keychain, a Vincent Van Gogh bookmark set, some pens from a giant stationery store in America and some other small bits.

“Hobi, you know you don’t have to do that.” You whined you hated it when he spent money on you, it had always been a thing in your mind, you hated when anyone spent money on you, not just him.

“You deserve it, baby, you’ve been working so hard.” You smiled at him, blushing as he stared at you with his big brown eyes, you giggled before noticing the time.

“I have to get ready for school, pick my outfit.” You yelled taking the camera from the kitchen table and heading up to the walk-in wardrobe.

You settled on some jeans and one his button-up shirts, the star one you’d gotten him the year before.

“I look fresh.” You said as you began buttoning up the shirt, Hoseok’s eyes fell onto your body, looking at you with a frown. You’d started to lose weight dramatically and he could tell.

“Are you…are you eating?” He questioned, worried about how you would take the question, you hummed in response, finishing the buttons and throwing your hair into a ponytail.

“Yeah,” You lied, you’d been forgetting to eat, it’s not like you were doing it on purpose, you didn’t want to worry him though.

“New exercise routine, been hitting the gym between classes.” He knew you were lying instantly, your left eye twitches when you lie and you avoid eye contact not only that but he knew you didn’t have time to work out between classes, he knew your schedule, but he didn’t want to mention it.

“Well…I’ll call you later tonight, love you.” You said quickly, ending the call before he could say anything else to you.

Later that night you got a notification that BTS were doing a VLive, you smiled logging into the app and opening it up, putting your phone on the kitchen counter as you began to bake, it was 2 am and you were getting a head start on the 200 cupcakes that needed baking for the next night, you’d taken some caffeine tablets to keep you awake as well as drinking coffee yet again. Your face lit up as you noticed it was Hobi doing the VLive on his own, having a meal and talking to fans. Mentioning the tour and talking about how he was sad it was almost over, you scanned through the comments some of them noticing how tired and worn out Hobi looked and you were agreeing with them in your head, he looked run down and worried about something.

“I’m fine guys, just worried about Y/N.” Your name rang through your ears and you dropped the spoon you’d been using into the bowl, the screen has your full undivided attention now.

“She’s just so busy with school work and work, work…you guys know how it is.” He chuckled, you looked down at the bowl and then back to the screen, taking in his full appearance, he looked like he hadn’t been sleeping either.

“Anyway, we’re here to talk about the tour.” He said trying to change the subject but questions were flooding in about you, fans knew about your relationship and they supported you both, you made Hobi happy and that’s all they really cared about.

Comments were flooding in and then your social media began to go off in the background, questions about you coming quickly. You turned off the VLive and then your phone, wanting to just get on with the cupcakes without any more distractions.

It had been three days since the VLive happened, three days since you handed over the 200 cupcakes to your auntie and then went back home to rest before college started. Hoseok was panicked, your phone was going straight to answering machine and the house phone was doing the same, Fans began to notice you were absent from social media and began freaking out for Hoseok,

Is Y/N okay?! Began trending on twitter but you didn’t know because you’d been in and out of sleep for the last three days, waking up for an hour, eating and going back to bed, your phone was still switched off in the kitchen and you’d not turned up for work or college for three days.

Finally, you got up and felt reenergized, but panic set in as you realised you were behind on everything, college work, your job and even missing calls with Hoseok, you grabbed your phone rushing out of the front door in nothing but a pair of jeans and a strappy tank top, heading into college first to explain where you’d been and how you could make up the time. Your professors understood and you were grateful for them, letting you catch up in your own time and taking work home with you, you rushed into the bathrooms of the college, splashing water into your face and looking at yourself in the mirror, you were a mess, your hair was in a messy bun, your eyes were swollen and red, and you looked as though you’d been dragged through a hedge backwards, some girls came into the bathrooms and looked at you but you hadn’t noticed, you just washed your face again before leaving to go to work, to talk to your boss. If you’d noticed the girls you would have seen them taking photos of you and tweeting them out with the same hashtag that had been trending about you for days.

@BTSFANSUNITE: I found Y/N at college, is she okay!? Did Hobi and her fight? She looks worn out. I’m worried about her.

Attached were photos of you, leaning against the sink and leaving the bathroom, your phone clutched in your hand and yet still turned off. Fans began speculating that you and Hoseok had been fighting, some of the nastier ones claiming you’d cheated on Hoseok and were now feeling guilty about it, which was far from true. You never hurt the love of your life.

“I know I fucked up Wayne but I promise I’m fine, I just went a little overboard with college work and over tasks, I promise I’m loyal to this job.” You pleaded, your boss walking around tables, complaining that he had to do all of the extra shifts and lates you would normally be doing.

“You need to go home and rest, do you know how many people I’ve had come in here looking for you?! Teenage girls asking if I’d seen you.” He scoffed, he looked at you and then sighed.

“I told them you were fine Y/N…but you’re clearly not. This is too much for you and I don’t think I can have you working here anymore.” You began to tear up at the thought of losing your job, you needed it to be able to afford to live.

“Please Wayne, it’ll never happen again, I need this job.” You cried out, he sighed shaking his head at you.

“You’ve got one shot, but I’m giving you the rest of the weekend off, it’s Friday. Go home, rest and come back Monday.” He said looking back at his calendar.

“Think of it as your paid holiday.” You walked out of the bar and headed home, crashing onto the sofa and finally turning on your phone.

65 missed calls from Hobi, 34 missed facetime calls, over 100 messages and then there were the others, your mum had called, the rest of the band members had called you. Shit, shit shit, you hadn’t even thought about Hobi when you woke up, you felt worse when you got onto social media.

@GotNoJammmsss: Can’t believe Hobi is out here hardly sleeping while Y/N walks around as if nothing happened - Attached was a photo of you going into work

@HOBISMINE: Maybe Y/N was having a tough time…but Hobi is a state, he looks like he hasn’t slept in days, and Namjoon said in a VLive he’s really worried.

You wanted to cry, you were the worst girlfriend in the entire world, you dialled his number but it was going straight to voicemail, you tried Namjoon but it was doing the same thing, again with the rest of the boys. You began to try and hunt on social media for what they might have been doing, but there was no new news about them, the only recent thing was about you walking into work and coming out with tears in your eyes, nothing about the boys.

“Dawwy I think I fucked up.” You said down the phone as you looked around for your car keys, you were going to drive to BigHit’s studio and talk to Sejin, he would know what was happening with them but J-Hope’s sister, one of your best friends, was trying to get you to stay still for two minutes.

“I haven’t heard from you in three days and this is what you called to talk about? Your boyfriend?!” You sighed, finally letting the tears rush down your cheeks, you fell down onto your knees in the porch and began crying.

“I’m scared Dawwy, I’ve been so busy with work and college, then with the family baking and then I completely neglected him. I’m so tired.” You whimpered out, tears streaming down your cheeks as you finally let the words out.

“I’m so tired…I can’t keep up with everything, every time I get a hold of something, another thing kicks the stool out from under me and I’m back on the floor, trying to catch up again.” You heard her sigh from the other end of the phone and you leant your head back against the wall, you’d been struggling for so long and finally admitting it someone felt good, even if it was to your boyfriends sister, but she was your friend, your best friend, you’d known her longer than J-Hope.

“Get some rest, I’ll find out what’s going on and I’ll tell him you’re okay, just go and get some real food…some real sleep and try not to think about it too much…and call your mother.” She ordered, you hummed, wiping your eyes and hanging up the phone.

You tuned into an Instagram live that Da-Won was doing later that night, you were sitting on your sofa in some shorts, and a jumper that belonged to Hoseok.

“I just wanted to let everyone know that I spoke to Y/N…I don’t know if I’m allowed to share what she’s been going through but I’ll just say she’s exhausted that’s all and that’s all I’ll say on the matter.” You smiled at the screen and popped some popcorn into your mouth, you’d eaten a full meal earlier and were now snacking on something small.

“J-Hope isn’t cheating on her and she’s not cheating on him, they’re both truly tired and need some rest.” You clicked off the stream and went to dial Hobi’s number again but it was still off and going straight to voicemail.

“Hi Hobi…I know I worried you, I’m sorry…I just…it’s a long story. Call me when you get this…I love you.” You hung up and put the phone down onto the table, picking it up again two minutes later and dialling for Yoongi, answer phone.

“Can someone let me know what’s going on?! I know I scared Hobi but I didn’t mean to…someone tell me he’s okay! Dawwy says he’s fine but…I want to hear it from him…does he hate me? Yoongi call me or text me please.” You pleaded, hanging up and throwing the phone down on the table, going upstairs to get into bed, cuddling up to the Mang teddy you had.

You shivered in your sleep, groaning and trying to feel around for the covers but not finding them around you anymore.

“Hobi you did it again.” You whined out, turning over and playfully hitting Hobi in the back. Your eyes shot open, you sat up in bed looking at your sleeping boyfriend, why was he home so early? Did you simply dream everything? You’d know if you were dreaming, you poked his arms but he didn’t move.

“Hobi!” You yelled hitting his arms playfully trying to make him move, but he groaned pushing you off him as you continued to try and wake him up.

“When did you get home?!” You yelled you began crying again, tears rolling down your cheeks, your folded your arms across your chest, the tears were still going.

“I got home about an hour ago, the front door was unlocked and you were sleeping, I didn’t have the heart to wake you up.” He grumbled sitting up in the bed, as soon as he noticed you were crying he pulled you into his arms, his legs going either side of you and your back to his chest.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He questioned, referring to the fact that you were struggling to keep up with school work, and the bills.

“I could have helped pay for things, you know that.” You shook your head, not wanting to have this conversation but also knowing there was no real way to avoid it.

“I don’t want to have to rely on you Hobi, you’re my boyfriend not my bank account.” He laughed softly at you and sighed.

“You’re my girlfriend, this is our apartment even when I’m not here.” You leaned back against him, shaking your head and closing your eyes.

“I didn’t want to rely on you Hobi.” You repeated again to him, but he was shaking his head at you.

“From now on, we split the bills, you’re not allowed to overwork yourself, you take regular breaks from work and college and you eat properly.” He begged you nodded wrapping your pinky around his pink, a pinky promise.

“You’re not mad at me?” You whimpered, he shook his head, closing his eyes and leaning his head into your neck.

“I could never be mad at you.” He whispered leaving small kisses over your neck and cheeks, you giggled a little and he wiped the tears away from your eyes.

“I heard you have the weekend off.” He chuckled, laying down, putting you beside him and spooning you, you hummed in response, too tired to form actual sentences.

“Good, we’re going to rest up all weekend, and not leave the house.” He began to pat your arms gently, as he always did whenever you’d fall asleep together, you hummed again in response and he placed a small kiss on the bottom of your neck.

“Goodnight Y/N, I’ll be right here when you wake up I promise.” You snuggled back against him and smiled in your sleepy state.

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kikosaurscave · 4 years

Text

The Cheater and The Bear Katsuki Bakugou x Reader

10/6/21: PLSSSSS THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT ON THIS FIC BUT I HATE IT. I love the plot but i hate how i brought on the story towards the end, its boring, quick and sloppy as well, sorry for that. Ill touch it up...later🦖🦕

A/N: Kinktober, I dont know when Ill be encouraged/inspired enough to finish it, besides its obviously already overdue. This was written in a little under 5 hours and I think its pretty good.

The Angst isnt too bad, a bit of a weak ending but its alright.

F/F= Fav Food F/A=Fav Animal F/C=Fav Colour F/D=Fav Drink

Fandom: Boku No Hero Acadamia (My Hero Acadamia

Genre: Angst

Warnings/Contains: Angst. Slight/mentions of; Insomnia, Cheating, Abuse and Death(Reader), Sicknesses(Unspecified) and Suicude(Not directly)

Word Count: 1,934

Angst Level: 2-3

—

Bakugou and Y/n have been dating since they graduated college, they live together and Bakugou has been coming home late because “his boss is asking him to do extra hours” y/n being a good girlfriend, stays up and waits for him to get home so she can help him calm down from the foul attitude he’d usually have.

—

Trying not to fall asleep most the time, she would rarely get some sleep just to make sure he’s alright.

What he really does while his GIRLFRIEND is slowly falling ill for his sake is gradually getting closer to his coworker, spending the late nights with her and not his own girlfriend.

—

Slowly, week after week he starts recognising the late hours he’d yell at y/n for ‘Not minding her own business’ when she asks ‘Where he was’ or ‘How he was’, he’d notice his coworker being nothing like y/n, for example; when y/n would hug him, he’d feel warm inside, not with her.

When y/n would compliment him, he could tell she meant it, but she didnt even bother to. When y/n would wait for him and care for him, though she didnt? It just wasnt the same at all, it felt useless, he felt weird, sad in fact, he didnt know how he felt but he knew that if he looked into the e/c eyes of the person he loved; he would practically fall apart.

—

Checking the mail when he arrived home to see a letter from their local doctor to his y/n and opening it to see that his girlfriend had a bad condition with no possible ‘cure’ or ‘last resort’ to help with her condition caused by stress and insomnia he was scared, he rushed inside the house, stressfully slamming the door shut and walking into the living room to find his what looked like a now fully alert girlfriend with dark bags under her widened eyes with her hair a little messy, she tried to keep it tamed, but the first thing she still asked him was if he was alright, then she checked his forehead for a temperature while he stared speechless at her, mouth ajared and eyes wide with regret, sadness, anything in remorse “Youre sick and you didnt tell me?” He managed to mutter out after grabbing a soft hold onto her hands, something he hadnt done in a while because all his touches to her were violent and dangerous, the way he just spoke to her was the calmest in weeks, months even because he had been noticing the raggedness in his throat whenever he left to work.

She looked down, sadly, “I tried telling you but you told me I was just lying and being selfish..” his breath hitched realising that she wouldn’t live because of him.

Sure she told him she was fine and he didnt need to worry or that it wasnt his fault but that only made him realise how selfless she was, how much she really loved him and how idiotic he was, he finally realised what an idiot he was, a dirty unloyal cheater is what he called himself, undeserving of the very person he vaguely remembered promising to himself that he would give his life and propose to, because, because? He didnt remember because his mind was poisened with the thoughts of the nights he spent with someone else.

He knew that the memories would rush into his mind either after she died or while he tried his best to care for her during her last few days, when he couldve been doing this for until they grew old together.

He didnt remember why he did what he did but he knew that would be the greatest regret of his life; destined to burn into his mind while he recited her very words about moving on and living his life as strong as he always did or at least now could-though she didnt say that last part herself, he knew its what he knows wont stay out of his mind.

—

And so the days went by, he had stayed home from work to comfort her while in denial about the inevitable death ((Unus Annus👀)) coming to her.

—

He gave as much love to her that he could, made her the food she desperately needed, made her feel as needed as she was to him, bathed her himself and made her feel comfortable.

Even when she knew he was cheating on her she never stopped loving him, making sure HE was alright even when her very own health was slowly dropping as the weeks passed.

She knew what he did and she still didnt stop caring for him and his health, not her own. She shuffled and shivered in his embrace, causing him to adjust the blanket on her while smiling softly, the other rested on her back hugging her closer to him.

When her breathing evened once again he continued thinking, ‘Was it worth it?’ He would sometimes think to himself while brushing her hair.

He remembered the time he asked her if he was that worth it that she would sacrifice her health for;

‘Was I that worth it?’ He asked her while he adjusted the f/a bag on her back, to which she sadly looked down and said ‘You werent supposed to find out, When that letter arrived I was supposed to leave after seeing how bad my condition is,’ he stared down at her in shock as she continued,

“If I had gotten to the letter before you and left it would all be a little better..you wouldve forgotten me and moved on, I know you wouldve. I didnt want to bother you anymore, so I figured it’d be better if I left and probably went and lived with Hanta or Jirou instead of dying and leaving my body for you to find..I didnt want to cause so much trouble for you..’ His eyed watered and so did hers when she looked up at him..

—

Driving her to what she knew would be her last festival and what he denied it to be, he held her hand as if it would be the last time he would ever get the chance to.

—

She pulled him weakly by the hand, taking him from ride to ride—while he complained about how it might not be safe enough for her to ride, she didnt listen though, she still dragged him on, the cycle kept on going with y/n taking him on rides wether he worried about her safety or not, she took him to get some food and candy from time to time, she even asked him to win the f/c bear for and he nodded.

—

They watched the fireworks with her arms wrapped around her new bear and her bag and his wrapped around her, he watched as she looked up at the bright lights in the sky, he noticed how they reflected in them.

—

When they got home, she didnt tell him that she felt more unwell than usual, she just told him that ‘I had a great night, ‘Suki. I really love you, you know?’ She hugged him while he wondered where this came from but didnt take much mind as he listened with a smile on his own, she then continued ‘When Im gone, I dont want you to be sad,’ she whispered, ‘Dont say that.’ He shook his head, arms wrapping atound her and hugging her close ‘Youll be fine, you told me youll be fine..’ ‘I know..I just want you to know that, I love you and I want you to be happy and smile, dont dwell on the past, I forgive you, you know that right?’

He nodded, picking her up and taking her to their room, undressing her and putting her pyjamas on then the same with himself while she climbed under the cover and continued, ‘I mean it okay? So dont think it was your fault’ ‘But it was’ he muttered, sadly. ‘It wasnt.’ He didnt argue, he just stayed quiet, contemplating and dwelling on how he knew it was. ‘Are you hungry? Ill go make you some f/f..’ he left the room, not waiting for an answer, leaving you to look down disappointedly.

He didnt want to listen because he knew what you were going to say. Weakly closing your eyes, your hands wrapping around your torso, you opened your eyes a few minutes later, you felt awful, you felt your time closing in you, you swallowed some saliva or at least tried to, you heard Bakugou walk back in and the smell of f/f invaded your senses, you looked up and he walked over with two trays, both holding f/f and f/d, you smiled a small smile that weakly faltered when he put the trays down on the bed and grabbed the remote to the tv in your shared room.

—

That night when he held you in his arms and ran his finger through your hair and you slowly faded away, youre heart beat faltering, to which only the bear you held—between you two chest to chest—could hear.

‘Suki?’

‘Hm?’

‘I love you so much you know that right?’

‘I know..I love you too y/n’

You smiled, hearing him as he spoke genuinely, he really did love you, he just didnt remember or realise that he did so much until he woke up the next morning, your time had come and gone, your heart—

—‘Y/n? Baby wake up, its time to get up’ he shook you softly, you still clung to both him and the bear between you both—faltered that night, it had finally given up and you had lost your last game—

—‘Y/n wake up!’ He checked your breathing, your pulse, anything he could think of to try and give himself some hope that you weren—

You didnt want to die unhappy but you didnt want to stress him or frustrate him when or if he found your body had you stayed and he didnt read the letter.

—t dead, to try and give himself some hope that you werent dead, but the large lack or little to none of heartbeat and the fact that you werent breathing only made the tears fall from his eyes faster—

Its not the time to dwell on the past anymore, you just had to focus on not being scared of what was to come next, so instead you took in as much of Bakugou as you could, you latched closer onto him and took in his warmth and tried to focus on the bear, the calm bear that basically had no idea what was happening around it.

—‘Please wake up, Please wake up’ he repeated while dialling Emergency Services—

At least Suki would have it to take care of him while you were gone. You closed your eyes, and let out one last breath, feeling his grip tighten on you, a tear ran down your cheek as death took you with a gentle touch.

—

—‘I love you’ Bakugou whispered to your grave, tears running down his face as he hugged the bear the won you at the festival the night you died in his arms..when the found his body and a note saying,

‘Bury me with the bear next to her -Katsuki Bakugou’

It turned out he really did love you?

#katsukibakugouxreader #bnha #mha #fanfic #xreader #angst #simpcave #original #kindabadending?#bakugoukatsukixreader

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moonlightjeno · 4 years

Note

I demand a 4,4,4 with Jeno queen 😤

but you are the queen :) two things a. sorry youwaited so long and b. asdfg this wasn’t supposed to be this long lmao but ENJOY

𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐬: [4. mafia!au] + [4. meet messy] + [4. “You said so, didn’t you?”]

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: crack, angst and a sprinkle of le fluff.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: blood, guns, drugs, cursing !! and this is a fem reader bc made my life easier im sorry !!

𝐰𝐜: 4k 🙃

You’d hated following orders since the day you’d been pushed off for the attacking team just because you were a girl. The day had started with a tang of metal in the air, like how animals can tell when there’s a storm to come from the change in winds from one side to the other, you could tell that blood was going to be shed on your thirteenth birthday. Guns had left blazing the undercover hideout where the attacking team resided, you had been told you’d be able to go and scout the area, after all, you’d be the best scout the mafia had ever seen even at the mere age of thirteen. You had thanked all the late nights spent pent up in a mansion you had no interest in residing and instead of climbing out of the windows and searching the forest for something to distract you from the emptiness of the house. The forest thought very much dark and looming with shadows that should have scared you, a small child, was the least of your concerns when growing up in one of the most aggressive and the bloodiest mafia in the country. Instead, the forest with it’s chirping sounds and looming figures that would occasionally be illuminated under the white moonlight of the celestial being that you had always thought to be more impressive and beautiful than the sun itself. After all, it was the moon that could be seen at all times during the day, though faint it still held a presence on the earth’s surfaces, and then at night it would illuminate the world and control its tides.

The first set of yelling startles you out of the memories, the shouts are distant and fuzzy far far away from you. You pick up your gun, the weapon a dead weight at your side, the earpiece is placed in your ear receiving feedback from the multiple calls that are being sent out from the base and into the field. Boots crunch against the gravel floor and you feel a hand almost larger than your shoulder tap you in the back, a look of defiance fills your father’s face as he tells you to get back into the base, “the field is no place for you”, the words aren’t said but you know that he doesn’t mean you, because you are the heir to the mafia or because he actually cares about his only daughter and child. No, he says you, as if a girl weren’t able to do any fieldwork because that isn’t what they were born to do, instead they had to stay inside the safe walls of any base they could scout out to protect under the men’s gaze. A protest rose from your mouth, willing to defy your father’s direct order, the cold fire that illuminated his eyes something you’d seen too often every time you’d sneaked out of your room to find him torturing victims, most of them innocent that ended up coughing in the crossfire. It was a look that should have scared you, and it had for a long long time the way his smile would turn into a humorless and mocking grin, the laugh that escaped his lips seemed to be poisonous as everyone around moved farther away, and you stood the same fire rising in you.

“But I want to help father” the determination you had was visible by the way you held yourself, hand resting on the weapon at your side, feet shifted slightly apart - a “power pose” they called it in one of the many comic books you’d read about wonder women. You could feel the impatience beginning to roll off your father in waves, first, it was the clenching and unclenching of his fists then it was the slight twitch in his eye that made you want to glare at him, that is until he kneeled just slightly grabbing onto your small wrist enough to leave a bruise. You knew the black and purple would be there tomorrow, branding you as weaker than the man who bore you, from the numerous times it had happened before, and you wouldn’t care didn’t care as long as you could prove how good of a scout you were. Truly, the fear had seemed to leave your mind, replaced by anger and determination being the only thing you saw, “i can tell you right now that there are five guards waiting at the parking lot, two of which are probably newbies, those of which are probably paired up with older members of the group, and the one that remains will probably be the most alert as they left him alone a backup” you voice is clear, as you recite what you already know, what you’ve seen with your eyes only an hour before this whole debacle occurred, and your father looked at you again the grip on your wrist tightening, the cold rings in his hand cooling the touch, crushing your skin, before letting out a scoff. The scoff causes his head to move to the side slightly, balding head tilting and you catch a glimpse of your mother, who’s face is usually warm even under the constant threats your family lives under, is stricken with fear.

Her fear is directed to you, and herself because you know, a deep part of you knows that the shadows that fill her arms and legs in the early morning when she thinks no one can see her, the pots of foundation that you find in the broken cabinets of the abandoned rooms belong to your mother, and the beating she receives both mental and physical every time a case goes bad. Every time her daughter defies the orders the “grand” master has declared so you back down, eyes lowered, and whimper slightly at the pain that is cruising through your wrist. Your father lets go, content with the submission before ordering more guards around, including your best friend, lee jeno.

That night you don’t sleep, you toss and turn and you miss the ability to climb out of your window and visit jeno. You know by the way the thud of the door and clang at four in the morning that blood has been shed. You know that jeno hasn’t come back, you know half an hour before everyone else because you’ve seen them take him away. The scream threatens to rip from your throat, tears falling falling, turning silver by the moonlight. It’s 3:30 when you watch them take your best friend away, it’s 3:35 when you can control your breaths. The clock ticks 5 in the morning, when you decide that you aren’t listening to any word your father tells you again because you knew where the boy was set up, you knew how jeno could have been saved if only they’d let you go. If only.

It’s been seven years since the promise you made yourself to never break is bent. A year has passed since your father passed away, an illness that you recently found out had been in the years making but something he had never bothered to take care of because he thought he was above it. You would have thought your father’s passing would have been the turning point in your life, no longer did you have to fear the violence that would be placed against your mother or yourself. It should have felt like a weight on your shoulder the day his casket was incinerated in the grass fields in front of the manor’s garden. Instead the mafia seemed to break down, it’s collectiveness and faith in each other broke until the only group that remained in what used to be the country's strongest mafia lay in front of you. Their bodies sprawled on the floor like rag dolls, a light stench of metal and blood filled the room, and your hands burn from holding onto the guns for too long the rubber outlets hitting every single time at their proclaimed target.

“Miss y/n, your mother awaits for you at the entrance hall” the scuffle of feet and light scratch of the door opening catches your attention as a boy only a couple of years younger than you comes through the door and requests a mumble from his lips.

“How many times do i have to tell you jisung” though you smile, you’re tired from the never-ending training sessions you put yourself through, and as much as you put up a cold front, the laughter and mocking from some of the members is exhausting too. The way they snicker and mumble under their breaths “she’s crazy”, and “no wonder jeno left” cause you to just push yourself that much, place that many more bruises and dark black lines across your arms. The tattoos seem at times the only source of power and freedom you are allowed, and you trace the back of your arm, a sense of comfort washes over you, and you speak up again “don’t call me miss. y/n is perfectly fine kid” you ruffle his hair even if he is taller than you, and walk out of the training room, the agents that were on the ground began to shift behind you, grunts and complaints leaving their lips but you’ve already walked out of the room. Out of sigh, out of mind.

The click and clack of heels on the wooden floor surprise you, and you find your mother dressed in a white suit, black heels still clicking against the marvel floor of the entrance as she paces up and down the stairs, her hair is tied up in a bun, pulling back her face. The sound her heels make are drastically different from the silent almost soundless thumping of your boots against the floor. You weren’t used to seeing your mother in anything but training gear, the black gear and leggings replaced by freshly pressed white suit surprised you to say the least, but you knew something was wrong. More wrong than the daily notifications you would receive from jisung that more members were being recruited or killed off in the streets, for every member that died a new line would be added to the black swirls that decorate your right arm, for every member that left more hours would be spent trying to figure out how to save the corrupt business that was running a mafia. It was sad to say that as much as you hate the way things worked, and the blood and death that it brought to your doorstep you couldn’t deny that you loved scouting, you loved being able to be high up in the trees or buildings where it was just you and the wind noting, counting, looking at the world around you to help.

“What’s up?” was your way of greeting, steps stopping in front of her, whose mouth twitched slightly into a small smile.

“You know how much i love you,” she started, eyes casted towards the landscape in front of you, if you thought hard enough one could still smell the burning of flesh, from your father’s body, and then the smell of booze and weed that stank the air only hours after his burial. No one was sad that night.

“What do you need me to do?” you dreaded the response that was to come out of her lips, but her eyes focused on you and you could see how tired she was. Mother who was always bright and full of energy, her hair was close to being purely white, ebony almost, and the dark circles under her eyes made you want to demand she get some rest but you knew even as hard as she tried there was no way to escape the horrors of the mind.

“I need you to infiltrate a base camp” at seeing your nod, she continued, infiltration was nothing you haven't done before, “now before you refute anything I say, this might be the only way to get us out of this shitshow so please bear with me darling” another nod, and you could almost see the breathe leave her body, shoulders becoming slightly more curved, as the anxiety begins to diffuse.

“What camp? I mean we have almost all of them figured out, even without low numbers i’ve scoured most of them and jisung said he had checked on the one’s downtown”

“That’s the thing darling, it isn’t exactly a home base. It’s a training center of sorts, but the Lee’s are running it. One of the heir’s is supposed to be taking part in the camp, so I need you to infiltrate without anyone noticing what group you belong to, it shouldn’t be that hard no one’s seen you since the attack seven years ago, and you’ve grown. See how they're getting our recruiters and try to get them back” her hand at one point has come to hold onto yours, her big rings that she had taught herself how to make adorning almost every finger, it was a comfort the squeeze of her hand on your calloused and scarred one.

“When do i head out?” The question leaves your lips slightly harsher than you’d wanted to, because in no world would you have ever wanted to go hang out with anyone from the lee family, but you knew as it had been drilled into your brain, for as long as you could remember that family is above all others. And you normally would have disagreed, because blood families shouldn’t define who one is willing to risk their life for but your mom looks at you again before letting go of your hand.

“Tonight” she is no longer looking at you, and you aren;t surprised because you can almost feel a sort of resentment towards the time, that only gave you a couple of hours to get ready and say goodbye to the only remaining friend you had here, well at least you told yourself jisung was a friend, after all he helped you bandage up your cuts and would keep you company into the late nights his soft smile always there, a shoulder to rely on. You manage to murmur a “fine”, and right as you're about to head back into the manor, mind running on what to pack and prepare you hear the light voice of your mother, “and y/n. For the love of god, do not fall in love”. The remark made you stop for a slight second because who would you fall for, the patriarchal society and male’s ego’s where too high to get close enough to care, and you truly didn’t care for romance.

Bright spots in the sky, constellations that spread across the sky like a blanket keep you from falling asleep in the black car. Everytime you look at a constellation you name it, leo - the lion -, followed by the big dipper and small dipper always next to each other, always close. Time passes by, and your eyelids become too heavy to not keep open, until the spots in the sky are no longer there and instead darkness washes over you.

It’s the smell of black coffee that wakes you up, where you find yourself half naked and disarmed under scratchy sheets and a bed that creaks every time you move. It takes you a second to gaze up the room around you, finding every exit possible and anything that might serve as a weapon, there’s only one exit and the most dangerous thing in the room seems to be the mug in front of you, steam rising from it the lettering of “LEE’S WEATHER CHANNEL” imprinted on it. The scowl on your face causes the boy in front of you to chuckle, a boy who is also half naked, it takes everything in you to not take in the firm muscles in the boy’s chest until you look up into his face, blonde almost white hair hanging slightly.

“Well good morning to you sleeping beauty” his voice is gentler than what you expected, and he stands up from the brown chair, hand wrapping around the coffee mug as he hands it to you which you refuse, arm coming out of the sheets revealing your tattooed arm to refuse the cup of caffeine that instead of giving you energy would only leave a bitter and awful taste in your mouth.

“Yeah, no thanks that tastes like shit” you murmur, and the boy in front of you laughs, causing the muscles in his arms and chest to flex slightly, and his eyes to become small almost like small moons. Fuck why does he have to be cute, you scold yourself before pushing yourself of the bed. It isn’t like you weren’t used to being around those of the male species in a sports bra and shorts, just like a normal training day just like a normal training day. But you do spot a pair of leggings and muscle tee by the corner of your bed that you change into, the boy with almost white hair still inside the small cot with you, though when you are done pulling the shirt over your head the boy is also wearing the same shirt with the words “training co.” printed behind him.

“Jaemin” the noise startles you slightly, until you realize the voice belongs to the boy who is holding his hand out, as if in greeting to which you just nod too and walk out the small door, your name leaving your lips right as the door closes. Jeno can’t stop the smile that spreads on his lips, as he walks out of the cot that he’s too familiar with. The best friend he thought he’d lost back in his life even if you hadn't recognized him, his smile falters slightly at having to lie to you about who he was but is forget quickie as he leaves the room. In the short span of five seconds he’s caught up with you, an hand placed on the lower of your back which causes you to squirm, before turning around and twisting his hands around.

“What the fuck” the words slips from jeno’s mouth, his arm in your hand and you loosen your grip on it, the twist to disarm an opponent, a subconscious action from distrust and too many times being led on by men who think they’re in control. “What were you doing?” you snap back, and though you’ve released his hand you keep your distance, to which he responds by putting his hands up in a sort of defeat, “umm you asked me too? Well didn;t deliberately ask me to, but before you passed out on my bed yesterday after, i really don’t know what you were doing, you told me to tour you around the camp, hence what am doing” his voice is teasing, and the words shock you but don’t surprise you, you might have been a little tipsy before you left the van, a last fuck you to the world before being imprisoned in this hellhole.

“Hmmm, fine”

“Fine? No thank you? Or oh, yeah am sorry?”

“Do you want to get hit” your answer isn’t much of a question but more of a demand and jeno shrugs, “no ma’am” and you can’t help but stop the smile that slips from your lips by his response.

Jeno does as he says and walks you around camp, and it isn’t until the two of you are paired together to spar names written down on chalkboards that you almost have a heart attack. Because the boy who’s made you laugh during the blazing hot sun, and given you small piggy back rides as a punishment for losing in a game of rock paper scissors which you can’t recall what for, and it isn’t until you see the small moon tattoo on the base of his wrist, that the realization rushes through your body. Because in front of you isn’t na jaemin the boy who you were supposed to look out for. Instead the blonde haired boy, with eyes like the moon and voice that you thought you would recognize anywhere is in front of you, your childhood best friend, who no longer has brown hair but white locks. Jeno stands before you, eyes smiling words as charming as ever, and you know you’ve been taught better. You know that this is exactly why you trained so hard, why you wasted so many nights scouting the woods and having the bruises bloom so when you did face him you would feel nothing. But no one can stop human emotions from getting in the way of a mission, an infiltration in which you have lee jeno wrapped around your finger, but anger not sadness, anger pushes you forward as you slap lee jeno. The crack echoing around camp, and jeno doesn’t back down.

“The fuck?”

“The fuck jeno?” the fuck?” your voice almost breaks, but you manage to spit the words out because in front of you stands the boy who broke your heart and in the span of a day managed to begin to repair it again. The second his name escapes your lips, Jeno's face comes into realization, and he holds onto your arms, he’d always be stronger than you even as you struggle against his grip, tears threatening to spill. You are aware of the eyes that are on you, aware that this could jeopardize everything you’ve worked for, the gun in your waist holster feels more like a dragged weight than ever. But a look from jeno and the eyes have scattered leaving the two of you alone in the dipping sun, the red rays igniting flames in the lake behind jeno, “why?”

“Why? Why did i leave? Why did i not come find you? Why did i leave my heart with the girl who held it? Why what?”

“Why did you lie?” you seethe, the confession not being processed through your clouded thoughts, too much too much.

“Because darlin, you said so, didn’t you?” the words are smooth and slightly broken, they make you want to scream and hit him again and again, pushing away the pain. Because the memory was hidden, hidden so deep in the pain and anger that you’d forgotten that you had begged jeno to leave the corrupted world you lived in, begged him and asked him to leave you with your father because jeno would be next to be killed.

“I… I…” you can’t seem to form the words but it doesn’t matter because jeno seems to now, like he always does. His hair falls and grazes your forehead when he hugs you closer, and for some reason that you can’t point out it keeps your fallen pieces, the broken ones and those that were glued together by black lines. And you let him comfort you, you let him hold you in the middle of a grassfield, as the sun dips down the red that flares in the forest turns ruby almost like blood, like the way the blood feels warm on your hands, the salt and metal tang of blood fills your mouth, as a sob escapes your lips and then jeno’s. And you hold him, his head cradled between your hands as you repeat over and over how much you love him and how sorry you are.

The gunshot rings in the air, metal mixing with blood, warmth seeping into your clothes and mixing with the sweat from your hands that continue to cradle the boy you love in your hands. The life slowly dies out, fluttering slightly, dark brown shutting close. Because as much as you love jeno, more than life itself, you’ve been taught family over everything, even if that means feeling yourself crumble underneath him. Quite sobs wrecking through your body, as you whisper the same words over and over.

The sun is no longer there, the ruby red of blood no longer coloring the forest red and your bodies in orange and yellow sunlight. For when the field council comes out, they find two lovers lying down next to each other, a silver bullet between them both, ruby red lips pressed against each other in a final goodbye.

masterlist requested from this prompt list

mymy my queen I'm sorry. pls don’t hurt me.

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nthngbxtfanfics · 5 years

Text

Not her - Jooheon scenario

As you may noticed. Part 6 got deleted, just because Tumblr did such an amazing job in synchronizing the App version with the Web version. YEY.

So now I had to rewrite it. It makes me so sad cuz the previous version was so damn awesome!

But that doesn’t mean that I’ll be taking mercy on you.

Welcome to my rollercoaster of emotions.

Taglist:

@lidda @meiiyue @pleasantpeachstudent @im-what-iam @elenaramos1 @1crazyteenage-dirtbag @ghostofyoujungkook

I hope I didn’t forget anyone...

“What?” You thought your ears would play a sick prank on you. But that wasn’t the case. His words repeated in your mind, trying to figure out if these words had any truth in them.

“I-”

“Stop! Don’t repeat yourself. I don’t wanna hear that!” you interrupted him as the weight of his question pulled onto your heart-strings. A new kind of pain evolved within your chest, making it hard to breathe.

“But Y/N-” he took a step forward, opening his arms, trying to reach out to you.

“Stop! Jooheon I told you to stop. I don’t wanna hear more from you, don’t you understand?” your body reacted automatically with your words and took a step back, further away from him. You felt uneasy, you couldn’t understand your own actions, emotions or thoughts. Everything was so confusing.

“But Y/N I do wanna be with you! I’m not lying to you! I’m fucking serious” his words got heavier in your chest. You couldn’t face him anymore, you closed your eyes avoiding the man in front of you. Your sobs made your body tremble, your limbs became cold. The whole warmth in your body was gone.

“Please don’t do that to me Y/N.” Jooheons heart was in extreme pain. Your fragile figure, your tears. The pain in your body was visible and he hated that sight. His vision was blurry, tears stained his cheeks. He never wished to bring you to this state, he wanted you to be happy but not in pain. He knew he was selfish the whole time, neglecting his feelings and you. He wanted to erase those emotions and failed and this was his punishement.

Once again, Jooheon tried to come closer to you, to embrace you in his arms and yet again, your body reacted on it’s own. Your arms wrapped around your waist, hugging your trembling body, trying to give yourself some warmth. Your feet took you another step back, away from Jooheon, searching for a safe spot in the room.

“I’m pleading you Y/N. Please let me explain everything.” Jooheon couldn’t hold back his emotions, he needed to release them or else he would go insane. He wanted you to know everything, hoping it would ease the pain in you.

Your legs became weak, you searched for a place to rest your feet. Your body sat down onto the soft matress of Hoseoks bed, your upper body leaned forward, your elbows rested on your knees and your hands supported your head. You kept your eyes away from Jooheon, too scared to see his broken state. His voice was enough for you, it broke your heart to hear the sadness in it. Your mind was empty and dark, tears kept flowing down your now red cheeks.

Jooheon took your silence as a sign for him to continue. His gaze wouldn’t leave you for a second, he wanted to catch every reaction of your body, for him to move on. He hesitated, finding the right words to start. He saw how vulnerable you were and he wanted to be more cautious and careful with them. Too scared to hurt you even more. He took a deep breath, finishing it with a shaken sigh.

“I’m so sorry Y/N.” His lower lip started to tremble more, trying to hold back a sob and tears started to reapear, taking over his vision. His head turned away from you for a short time to return with shut closed eyes, trying to stop the drops from falling. As he opened them, they catched your small figure and let the tears free. Jooheon took another much smaller bit of air, his teeth hold onto his trembling lip, trying to stop it. He himself was drained, all energy left his limbs. Anger was no where to be found, all he wanted was to lock you in his arms and never let go. His desire to keep you safe and warm became stronger, his first priority became you. His own heart gave him a hard time through this situation. He wanted you back, but he needed to earn that reward. “I never meant to hurt you. I was just too stupid and selfish to notice how much I actually hurt you with my actions. All I wanted was to get rid of these emotions for you. I wanted to get rid of this everlasting pain, I have when I don’t have you beside me. When you smile and I’m not the main reason for it.” His own sobs interrupted him, he took this opportunity to calm down a little and to wait for some reaction coming from you. Your body was still, listening to all his words. Words full of pain, sadness and love. Honesty weighted those words, you couldn’t argue with that.

“Y/N I love you since the day we first met. It felt like love at first sight, your smile brought warmth to my heart. Your hugs brought me strength through my busy schedule days. Your voice brought me the sweetest dreams at night, even if they were short, I knew I could lean on you. I wanted to ask you out back then, but I don’t wanted to pressure you on being my girlfriend, especially since I’m a member of Monsta X. But I don’t wanted to loose you, I wanted you beside me. That’s why I kept you as my best friend.” The words became heavier and the knot in Jooheons throat tighter. His mouth became dry, swallowing his own saliva became a struggle. “The more time I spent with you the more I fell for you and became more scared to confess my feelings. I was too afraid to scare you away. I don’t wanted to ruin our friendship and throw our memories to waste. You mean so much to me I can’t loose you.” He took another breath to put more words together.

“When I introduced you to the other members, I was so happy that you got along so well. That the members love you almost as much as I do. But as you started to get closer to Kihyun, that even rumors started to circulate, that you two were dating. My mind went crazy, I was so jealous, I couldn’t think straight. I was so close to punch my brother and loose my chance to you. I couldn’t let this happen. That’s why I acted like I was fine with this whole situation. I came to the conclusion to get rid of my feelings for you.” As memories started to flood his mind, tears of pain and betrail started to fall free from his glassy eyes.

“I went to my studio to get drunk or wasted and ended up in clubs, hooking up with some random chicks. Only to erase you from my mind. I searched you in every woman I was with, but no one was as perfect as you, only worse.” Jooheon stopped himself, to wait for a response from you. But your body stayed still this whole time. Jooheon grew confident and walked towards your figure. He kneeled down in front of you, reaching your eye-level. He lifted his hands to reach for yours. He took them away from your tears-stained face and held them tight in your lap. Squezzing them a little, to comfort you. His thumb circled your palm, warming up the little spot. His hands radiated warmth and your shoulders began to relax. Jooheons eyes laid on your hands, they fitted perfectly in his palms.

“I thought, my only option was to get a girlfriend. I hoped it would actually help and I was wrong. It only got worse. Especially after Kihyun cleared up the situation, that you two aren’t dating and that you both were not really interested in doing so. That’s also when Hyejins real face was revealed to me. I know, you tried to convince me first and I didn’t believed you. Only when Changkyun told me about everything that happened. The things she did to Hoseok-hyung, to Hyunwoo-hyung and to you. But If I’d knew about the coffee incident earlier, I would have done something about it.” Jooheon lifted his eyes, searching for yours. They hid behind your messy bangs, Jooheons hand automatically took action and lifted itself, to brush some strands behind your ear. Revealing your now puffy eyes. His hand rested on your cheek, cupping it. Tears welled up in your eyes, waiting for release. You couldn’t hold them back and let them free, yet again. Jooheon catched those tears with his thumb, before they could reach the soft cushion of your swollen lips. His thumb rubbed lightly on your cheek, another comforting gesture. You leaned into the warmth of his palm, your eyes shutting close. Enjoying that small moment.

“Y/N. I don’t know why I was so careless and so stubborn. As I saw you and Kihyun today, so close. I couldn't hold it anymore, it made me so mad. I never meant to scare you like that. I don’t know myself anymore. Please forgive me for being me, for being too stupid to not see what’s best for me and for letting go of you.” Jooheons hands started to tremble, as new words flooded his mind. Words he wanted to let free.

“Please look at me Y/N” You raised your head, meeting Jooheons glassy eyes, tears asking for release. You could see all kinds of emotions in those lost, dark orbs. Pain, sadness, anger and love. Your reflection, visible in them like a mirror. His gaze was strong, but didn’t afraid you. The opposite, you wanted to fall in them deep as deep as you could. Like falling into the galaxy, you desired the feeling of no gravity and the stars becoming your home.

“I love you.”

Your eyes widened at his confession, the three words repeated themselves in your head. A force within him took over his body as Jooheon reached forward, the desire to feel your lips on his became so strong. There was no stopping in his movement until he met the softness of your plump lips. You were taken a back at the sudden contact but gave in. Your lips worked in sync, your brain felt dizzy, your surroundings became blurry. More tears left your closed eyes, Jooheons tears got mixed with yours. The kiss was soft, passionate and full of pain.

A sudden strange feeling of pain, different and stronger than before, filled your body. You pulled back from the kiss. Your sobs became stronger, your body started to tremple again and more thicker tears started to fall. Your head fell onto Jooheons chest, hiding in his presence. Jooheon immediately sat beside you and wrapped his arms around you nd pulled your legs over his lap. One hand caressing your back, the other holding your head in place. His arms were strong around you, not letting you go. His own emotions started a battle with him, but he needed to be strong for you. He never saw you in this kind of state. Sudden guilt builded up within himself.

An internal battle started within you, a battle between your heart and your mind. Your heart wanted to let go, to feel the love he was giving you. The long deserved warmth from the man you love so dearly. Your mind was screaming to let go, it was too soon to give in. It warned you from further harm, you weren’t ready to receive and live with that love. You had to leave now or it’ll be too late, but your heart wanted you to stay a little longer. You needed to heal and it knew you could do it with him.

Jooheon waited for you to calm down, but wouldn’t let go of you. He would never forgive himself if he’d let you slip away from his fingertips. He needed you and you needed him, he wanted to be there for you. His grip got stronger as his thoughts went further. He felt in peace as your cry decreased and you stopped fully.

His warm chest, transfered warmth to your cold body. But the battle within you increased, making it uneasy to stay in his arms. But your body lost almost all energy that was left. The weaker you got, the stronger the force to leave became stronger. You couldn’t handle it anymore, you used your last bit of strengh and escaped out of Jooheons grip.

“I’m sorry but I can’t” You rushed out of the bedroom, leaving a shocked Jooheon behind. As he lost sight of you, his body reacted immediately and run after you as fast as he could. Begging you not to leave him.

“Y/N! You can’t leave like that. Y/N wait!” you slammed the front door, right infront of Jooheons face. His hand reached the doorhandle, trying to open it. But another hand stopped his motion and shutted the door, when Jooheon managed to open it a little.

“Jooheon!” Jooheons head snapped towards the calling voice. “Leave her alone.” Hoseok was concerned about you and Jooheons well being. But he couldn’t let Jooheon leave in the state he currently was.

“But Hyung...” Jooheon collapsed into his members firm chest, letting his emotions take over. His sobs were strong, his tears thick. Hoseok wrapped his arms around the younger one. His cries were loud enough so the others could hear the pain, their rapper was suffering.

They listened to the whole situation that happened behind those thin walls. They felt sorry for both of you. But no one blamed you for running away, you had a really hard time and Jooheon just came over and put more confusion into your emotional hurricane.

“Why did she left? All I wanted was to give her my love” Hoseok tried his best calming down the broken-hearted man. Jooheons sobs became louder as he continued. “Why do I deserve all that? She took my heart, left and threw it away.”

“Y/N needs time, you overwhelmed her with your confession. She needs time, let her breath a little. She loves you. She’ll come back. I know that and you know that too, you know her better than we do.” Hoseok held him tight, picking the right words to comfort him more.

“But why does it hurt so much?“

“Don’t worry, everything will be fine. I promise.”

Your feet took you as fast as you could, the pain coming from your soles got ignored. Your breathing was heavy and painful, your throat was dry, unbearable. Your speed slowed down as exhaustion made itself present and your familiar bus-station became visible. You made sure, that Jooheon nor a member was following you, before you halted completely. You searched for your purse, to take the next bus back to your place. Your search was unsuccessful, you forgot your purse at the dorm and running back was definitely no option for you.

You decided to walk on your own. Your pace was slow, exhaustion took over your body, just like the wish for your place called home. Your arms hugged your own body, giving yourself the much desired warmth, you needed. Your mind was lost, the unfamiliar pain now gone, your heart crying. You couldn’t understand why, no happiness fueled your body. The man that you love so dearly confessed his feelings to you and repeatedly stated to be with you. But why couldn’t you find the hapiness in that moment. Why did that voice warn you? Was it really too soon to give in and fall? Was there more to come?

The apartment complex became visible as you slowly reached your destination. You made your way towards the elevator, picking the right floor. As the doors opened, the sight of the heavy door became visible. You expected a warm feeling building up in your chest, whenever you saw this door. But now it seemed so foreign. Your fingers moved and punched the code to your place into the touchpad. The doors automatically opened, giving you space to enter. The apartement was dark and cold. A feeling you’ve never been greeted by. As the doors closed, your body slammed against the wood and slid down onto the floor.

No tears left your eyes, no pain left in your chest, your mind dark. But a small sad smile decorated your lips. Your teeth finding the soft pad of your lips, holding back the new tears as realization hit you.

Please, Find me

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oronooo · 6 years

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i don't know what ur going thru, and i won't pretend i do. i do know that touring the world can be exhausting, and lonely, especially when ur young and dealing w/ shit like growing up and confronting the reality of your future (also while being in the public eye?? that's like a 3x difficulty multiplier). i don't really know where i was going w/ this but i guess im just an internet stranger tryna send u their support and wish u the best of luck in ur endeavors, and i hope u feel better soon.

let me preface this post by saying i’m absolutely fine. yes i’m crying on a messy bed, mumbling inane bullshit to ruby who’s sitting on the couch across me. my eyes are red and dry, i’m lowkey hyperventilating, listening to rivers cuomo, and with all of that said, i’m fine. fine as anyone can ever be. and as ben folds once said, nobody likes hearing a bellyaching rockstar whine and sob… right?

thanks coolkat-69. shit like this means the actual world to me. real talk–i get these heartfelt messages every once in a while, and it flips my day upside down (or at least for an hour or two haha). reading these messages make me feel so fucking content and happy for a bit, makes all the stresses of touring and being “a god damn shitty teenager” seem worthwhile, and it makes me wanna share it with the world. the reason why i don’t usually answer is mainly because i don’t wanna make it seem like i crave these messages, i don’t want my response to become this ad for “i’m sad and i need y’all to send me positive vibes please” type of bullshit. because i fucking hate artists that go on and on about how lucky they feel and thankful they are of their fans, those motherfuckers can go eat shit

i guess i decided to respond to this message now because i felt bad. quite fucked. i was at the peak of my mental retreat, falling back down to where i started. my brain was just straight up dead due to the fact that i spent 3 days staying up all night, barely speaking to anyone, binging rupaul, eating junk. i guess i needed an actual outlet of whatever it was that i went through in the last few days. but what really prompted me to write this was mainly because i read the most poignant message from a fan that i’ve ever read just 5 minutes ago. it reminded me of that feeling of sitting in bed all day, crying, listening to elliott smith sing about how much of a loser he is, and finding such an intense amount of comfort in that.

two extremely rewarding things about my job: making dope shit, making other humans feel slightly less shit. everything else i honestly couldn’t give a fuck about. art’s so much about love, and love can change lives.. though it’s such an obvious thing it’s easy to forget that when you’re constantly stressed out about some interview that you have to do in 5 minutes. stressed out about selling out shows. stressed out about everything.

i can’t help but notice how much of an idiot i’ve become since i started touring. like fuck, read this and you can tell that i’m an uninspired dumbass who hasn’t “had the time to sit down, breathe, and read a good book” yet somehow finds all the time in the world to watch the same ASMR video over and over again. i hope i can fix that. i need to sit the fuck down and come up with a routine, something productive that i could do.

i actually enjoy talking to you guys directly. the reason why i dislike doing most interviews (not all, most) is because i hate having to go through that filter of old media to communicate with you. like let’s be real who the fuck really listens to radio anymore? besides, you guys know the backstory already right? superorganism is an internet band from all over the world, japan, nz, australia, etc etc yadda yadda yadda

maybe these tumblr posts can be a good way to incorporate some sort of routine into my life. i’d be able to share some stuff with you guys while also having to use my brain in a productive way that i’ve always enjoyed–writing! the podcast idea is still up in the air, i dunno. send me suggestions. i read most of your messages, i just don’t respond to them cos they mostly consist of dumb shit like “ur cute tnx bye love u kawaiiiii” lol

- orono

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boo1a4 · 7 years

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11 question tag!

Hey guys so I was tagged by 5 of my fav gals to do the 11 questions tag (THATS 55 QUESTIONS WHY ARE YALL LIKE THIS) but anyway I was tagged by @s-lay-ing @sambashua @achuu-nice @indiepoptime and @yongpal-i (this tag is fucking eternal help me)

Cloud’s Questions!

Do you know a ksong by heart? (bc I don’t :x I can hum a trillion tho)

Blackpink’s As If Its Your Last, Heize’s Star, Day6 I loved you and You Were Beautiful, most of seventeens title tracks and most of their ballads, lastly Pristin’s Aloha! I'm sure my pronunciation is way off but those are tho the ones that I've taken the time to actually sit down and learn!

When it comes to friendships, are you low or high maintenance? (As in your friends gotta talk everyday with you or you’ll feel like the friendship is dying OR if you can spend days without talking to them yet you still remain close)

Ummmm I think it depends on the friendship? also I think I can tend to be a bit of both (cause I'm an insecure ass binch), tho I don't ever feel like my friendships are dying lmao

Do you have a secret that you will take to the grave? (Ofc I’m not asking you to reveal it)

not that I can think of?? like I'm sitting here thinking if there is anything and like honestly no????

Recommend me 5 songs (not necessarily kpop songs)

Dracula Teeth - The Last Shadow Puppets(honestly cloud just listen to all of their music is so great) Daydream In Blue - I Monster (this is honestly one of my all time fav songs I love it too much) No Way Down - The Shins (you know I can't go 2 mins without mentioning them, some great lyrics right here tho also give September a listen in beautiful) Beechwood Park - The Zombies (I'm assuming you know the zombies cloud but on the off chance that you don't BINCH THEY ARE MY ACTUAL FAVORITE well beside cream and zeppelin but they are up there) Kimbra - Miracle (kinda of a random one but this song just never seems to leave me!) Big Bird -Hyukoh (oh that was 6 BUT THIS SONG IS SO GREAT also listen to wing wing!!)

What do you prefer?: first, second or third gen kpop songs?

I generally prefer second generation??? I think????? I like a bit of all of them tho. but like there is no definitive answer to when each of the generations start and end so like I don't even know??? but most of my fav groups as far as music goes are older around 2nd gen but a fair amount of them are gen 3, I have a really strong love for kpop that was released between 2009-2014.

What’s the cheeeeeeeeeesiest thing you’ve done? (one time a former friend of mine was telling me about a problem she had and at the end of our convo I kissed her in the forehead bYE)

girl idk just my whole fucking life tbh, but my family members and irl friends will all tell you I do this thing where I yell sing songs and change the lyrics to their names this includes badly sung kpop songs IM SCREAMING THO CLOUD WHO ARE YOU AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

If you were asked to participate in a variety show, which one of the following would you pick and why? (Pick two!): problematic men, master key, hello counselor, weekly idol, one fine day, law of the jungle

um probs ofd?? id say weekly idol also but damn the hosts would literally be like who is this weird binch!

Your top 10 kpop songs of 2017?

In no order but 1. Would U - Red Velvet 2. Let’s Hang Out - SF9 3. Night Rather Than Day - EXID 4. Aloha - Pristin 5. Missing You - BTOB 6. I Loved You - Day6 7. Teenager - Got7 8. Habit - Seventeen 9. As If It’s Your Last - Blackpink 10. You, Clouds, Rain - Heize

Would you rather live in a huge mansion or a compact studio house?

Im a real messy binch so definitely compact studio

Tell me a fun childhood story (I’ll start! One time an aunt gave me money to buy ‘papas’ (potatoes) at the grocery store so bc I’m obedient af I went and asked the counter lady how many of em could I buy with the money I had so she went ‘uhh, not many tbh’ so i ended up getting like two and when I returned to my aunt’s house she laughed her ass off and said: I meant ‘papas fritas’ (potato chips) Not those! - and uh yeah this is funnier in Spanish but it proves that I’m such an innocent angel I mean wow)

ok so I spent a lot of time at my aunt Lori’s house when I was a kid (like summers, and after school) and my cousin was the BUG queen so she hand made leashes for her pet toads (that she caught) and we walked them around on leashes for like a week but I was always so afraid of them and also hurting them so I WAS NOT ABOUT THAT ahahaha dumb story but it makes me laugh alsoalsoalsdo they had this bench swing in their back yard and my cousin my sister and I would swing on it together for hours at a time and one time we were swinging real hard (REAL HARD) and the links?? or whatever that held it to the ceiling it was hanging from snapped and the three of us of us flew off of it and we all collectively blacked out??? it was so weird but I woke up to my cousin stuggling to get me off of her and then there lays my sister underneath the bench just blacked out chilling (she was fine) then my aunt came running out cause she had just heard the loudest crash ahsdfasdf not long after my uncle put stronger links on it and that bench is still there! From time to time when the three of us get together this story gets brought up its still the most hilarious thing ( ALSO CLOUD YOU ARE SO PURE I LOVE)

If you were offered to start a band, would you accept?

yeah I love music so much why not! not sure I would be able to contribute much lmao

Mir’s Questions!

If you could travel anywhere, but were completely by yourself, where would you go?

hmmmmm do you mean like I wouldn't be visiting anyone and just traveling alone?? or like going someplace where I know no one?? ok cause for the first I would book it straight to az TO SEE YOU MIR!! AND SISTER!! but for the second I would love to go to Japan (my cousin lives there tho so that also doesn't technically count lmao)

What inspires you?

Music, books, and tv shows! Also really well written characters or just interesting people I guess! but on like a ??spiritual?? level my mom?? she's just that binch you know ( like seriously Ive never met anyone kinder or more driven and hard working in my life she's wild)

How many pets would you have in your ideal future? Any specific names or types in mind?

47 KITS, no realistically I want 2 kittos and they will be named Bellamy and Murphy cause I got too also lowkey want to name a cat rami or Elliot or also kaz or Inej damn all the good names wow. Also the name Calloway is my fav name of all time and I WANT SOMETHING WITH THIS NAME

What are you opinions on fedoras

um eww?? what other opinions are there?? what is this question mir I'm???? but like ngl when worn in a none cringe manner then can look nice!

how many spoons can you balance on your face at once (picture or video proof preferred (i’m trying to get someone to do it pls anyone))

girl I've done my time (lowkey did you put this on her cause I told you about my gravy spoon today???)

What is your favorite type of tree?

I like Birch trees!

If you could convince one person to like kpop who would you convert?

damn MY MOM cause then she might listen to something other than bruno mars once in a while

What are three things you are normally associated with and/or what are three things you want to be associated with?

art, sleeping, reading and um idk?? tbh??? like maybe not being shitty and being funny??? idk??? like I don't know????

If you were in a kpop group what position would you hold (ie. leader, main vocal, moodmaker, etc) feel free to tag your mutuals and who they would be!

um hm im a moody binch bonch so probably moodmaker?? mir is main dancer cause yes duh ivy is leader cause she's the only sane one kennedy I feel would be a great rapper like she got that chic thing going she could do it I feel??? and cloud would be our talent tbh??? nom would be the maknae cause she's small I feel! Jeddy would be my happy virus bud cause she's a fun and funny gal ( I love) Jamie ALSO ONE OF OUR TALENTS wow yes I feel a main vocal here she’d go solo and be singing ballads left and right! JESS WOULD BE THE SWEET MOTHER MEMBER THAT EVERYONE LOVES AND IS JUST THE SOFTEST,,,A SUNSHINE GAL.

If you could have any wild animal as a tame pet what would it be?? (i’m ocelot loyal all the way)

damn idk I'm like horrible at taking care of things (including myself) so like honest id just stick to the kit kats

What is your opinion on mint chocolate chip ice cream? (for maj)

The best ice cream (tho I can't eat it anymore and its very cursed)

Nom’s Questions!

how are you? :D

I’m good Nom thanks for asking!

sad ballads or happy upbeat songs?

Im a ballad ho these days they are honestly all I listen to anymore, but I do love me an good upbeat song I'm just slightly more picky about them!

fave anime movie?

ok tie between Whisper of the Heart and Howl’s Movie Castle, I honestly need to see more that arent Ghibli!

dogs or cats?

Cats! (my dog is practically a cat tbh)

do you keep stuffed animals in your room?

I have one! its a portal companion cube! its not technically an animal BUT I LOVE IT ANYWAY ITS ALL IVE GOT!!!! also if you count tsum tsums I've got a few big hero 6 ones!

someone you miss?

My dad, its been especially hard lately.

describe your phone case?

its like rainbow watercolor! I have a pop socket that matches

favorite lore/myths?

Not technically myth or lore but Beowolf! I've seen the movie at least 40 times and I've read the epic! generally I find northern european mythology/literature to be more interesting than southern. but if we’re going for like ubran myths tbh not really my thing ahahaha.

eardbuds or headphones?

both for different things! but when I first listen to an album I like to listen with my headphones!

can I steal your heart?

you already have ~~~~~~~

favorite thing about your ult bias?

His sensitivity and kind heart! I love a sweet boy! Also I'm really here for Boo’s cheeks!

Jamie’s Questions!

If you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life what would it be and why?

ohhh there are a few songs that I really really love, Heize’s Star is a song that I listen to daily and I feel like I could listen to it for the rest of my life! also September by The Shins! Miracle Aligner by The Last Shadow Puppets also. Idk man I just really love songs with a mystical quality to them.

If you were in a kpop group what would your group be called and what would your fandom name be?

BINCH AND OUR FANDOM NAME WOULD BE BONCHES

If you could acquire mastery over ONE skill instantly, what would you pick and why?

Singing!! its just about the only kind of musical talent I think I’d be any good at! Im a vocalist ho I just want to be like my favessssss

First reaction if you spotted your favorite celebrity on the street?

I would literally hide so fast omg

First reaction if your favorite celebrity followed you on your favorite social media site?

SCREAMING ALL THE LOVE FOR BOO SEUNGKWAN 24/7 and literally only doing art of him and nonstop posting it

Snap your fingers and you get to steal your favorite outfit off of a kpop idol. What outfit do you pick, off of whom, and why?

OK literally all of Soonyoungs airport looks cause damn that boy does not get enough credit for his fashion (he's the best dressed in the group fite me)

If you were to get a painless tattoo that you could remove with the press of a button, what would you get and where would you get it?

umm probably something really pretty? and colorful? I'm not sure what put I like arm tattoos!

What is your most prized possession?

probably my laptop?? also my collection of sketchbooks!

What’s a YouTube/online challenge that you have always wanted to try?

Im always interested to try those youtube art challenges, I've done the three marker challenge before and the draw this again challenge also!

You get a guarantee that your favorite celebrity will see your social media post but you only get 100 characters. What do you say to them?

I would literally just send my art to them! I feel like it says more than 100 characters can!

You wake up in your dream room. What does it look like?

LITERALLY A LIBRARY AND LIKE NICE AND DARK AND WARM BUT NOT TOO WARM LOTS OF BLANKETS

Kennedy’s Questions!

Make a 10-song playlist for your current mood.

it is here

What vine do you quote the most?

what is that?? who you fighting?

What do you value most in a friend?

I like people who are good listeners! but also people can keep a conversation going! But really tho just genuine kindness and openness.

If you could learn any kpop choreography instantly, what would you learn?

DAMN THIS IS HARD, so many great ones that I love a lot but probably Red Flavor?

If you go to your Tumblr activity page, who does it say is your “number one fan?”

damn Idk them so I'm not gonna like tag them or something lol

What is your ideal clothing style?

I like simple dark clothing that is comfortable.

What is your favorite Snapchat filter?

I really like the ugly ones tbh I don't use them enough

What subject would you like to study, but wouldn’t necessarily want to make a career out of? (for example: I really want to learn about botany!)

psychology, I really love learning about how people work.

Would you rather be constantly half an hour early to everything, or constantly 15 minutes late?

early of course, I hate being late

Would you rather have a single day to spend with your top bias or a week to spend with your number 2 bias?

damn neither??? ahahah no a day with boo would be very blessed!

If you could bring back any disbanded OR inactive group, who would you bring back?

F(X) BINCH I NEED MORE MUSIC

My Questions!

if you had to chose one kpop stage outfit to wear for the rest of your life which would you choose?

favorite music video aesthetic?

Group you are most excited for in 2018?

Recommend me some underrated kpop songs/groups?

If you could join any group other than your bias group who would you join and why?

Favorite soloist? and some song recs?

Childhood Story? (thanks Cloud)

Were you in any fandoms before you got into kpop, if so what were they?

Favorite Comeback/debut of 2017?

astrological sign? Myers Briggs type? Hogwarts House (I'm a Gemini, infp, and Gryffindor)

Random question but what are your favorite names?

Tagging : @s-lay-ing @sambashua @achuu-nice @indiepoptime @yongpal-i (y'all can do mine if you feel like it!) @forgetjunnot @babybyuny @kae-popx @kiheehyunie @jeonwoooo @trbldean130 @howcaniwait @joshhjs @maetaamong and if you’ve already done this you don't have to do it again ahahahaha I feel like everyone has done it already lol

ok thats it do it if you want!

#ok so this literally would not post help me #thanks again for the tag #BYE #tag

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celestialallstars · 5 years

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Episode #8: “Au Revior Cyrena” - Mitch

I can’t believe I lost Alyssa....

So the blindside happened and I think it will just stick to me...I hate Alyssa went but at the same time I feel good knowing that I put something together to try to wreck what seemed like a growing alliance. And now I think they all will know by now but if I lose, I'm gonna lose knowing I tried to do things I wouldn't normally do and I just think it feels so like evil. I don't wanna be evil but what it takes to get to the end, I'll do it

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Chris just told me he wanted the S1 alliance that Mitch had floated ages ago but couldn’t remember if I was keen for it or not, so instead of asking me he just said fuck it and voted me. Bro cmon

The merge is finally upon us! And I couldn't be happier. I was in the minority on Orfeo so getting to re-unite with my closest allies after they pulled off the biggest blindsided of the season together is greeeeat!

Right now, it does really seem like there are 8 players all on the same wavelength. I don't think anyone in the group is very likely to flip at this point in time so hopefully it should be smooth sailing for awhile.

Of course, there are sure to be bumps along the way. I'm gonna keep prioritizing my own safety so I can sail these seas without being a target.

My strategy for the comp is to ask for a "crumb" or "nothing" from people I don't trust, so they can't try to sabotage me since they won't know what I'm going for or will think I'm throwing. And from people I trust, I'll ask for something negative without being specific.

So what's gonna happen tonight? Me Michael Matt and Drew sit around, panic, and hope it's not one of us. I feel like we're the 3 amigos (plus Michael Snow) in Caramoan going up against Stealth R Us, although I KNOW the 9 other ppl in this game aren't all aligned. But where are the cracks?? I just have no clue. I'm gonna have to do a lot of talking to people who I never got to be on a tribe with and hope somebody throws me a bone. Chloe? Loris? Stephen? We kept up a decent dialogue during one world. Matt is paranoid Bryce/Zach are running everything and tbh, I can definitely see it. But we can't do anything yet about that I don't think. I really hope Chris and Mitch pull me in on SOMETHING or this is gonna be an absolute bust. I really want Jared out he's so fucking snakey and I caught him in a fucking lie about voting Rhys but of course he had to go and win immunity. Not that he'd be voted yet I don't think. Man. This is just bad luck right? Surely? That 5/8 people voted out were my allies/tribemates and that everyone just stupidly targeted me/Alyssa when Cyrena is already depleted? They'd all have to be fucking morons to keep that up this time with us 4. They'd have to be. There is nothing remotely threatening about the 4 of us we have NO ONE. I just don't trust anyone on this cast to be intelligent at the moment, which is unfortunate.

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So I felt confident going in but now its like...if Im not careful this is just gonna blow up. By voting one of Michael/Drew/Chloe out, theyre gonna feel betrayed. Even though we do have a fair reason to do it theyre not gonna see it that way. If I do Matt then they could at least think of at least he didnt vote us. But I am beginning to think it is inevitable that its going to be shown that the Betty Whites rumor started from Loris but through me by proxy. Jack is waiting on a name to be told so lying to him creates another problem. Like dont get me wrong I trust the 8 more but I dont want to sideline my game for their goals. This may be messy

Woo ok ok ok so uh yea. THIS ROUND HAS BEEN WILD AND THERES NOT EVEN A NAME. Firstly rip alyssa she was robbed and her idol would be really nice to have right now but um she died dude. It feels so good to be so close to winning and actually getting POSITIVES. Now for the bad, this is the first time that I feel like o have no idea what the fuck to do I’m honestly stuck! But I never give up I came here to win I’ve waited too long to fucking play to give up when the going gets tough, I have no loyalties except to myself and if I have to snake everyone out to reach the top that’s what I’ll do.

So like ya I think I'm kinda fucked. If you're not gay or friends with a few select people , you're definitely on the outs and it's really annoying. I know my game is trash but still lemme be somewhat bitter for goodness sake! It's very clear anyone who was on cyrena 1.0/2.0 is in danger on the bottom, which is super dumb cause it's literally just circumstantial but hey I can't do anything bout it. I'm over these people and want to slap them out of the game. So fake and I'm just awaiting my death honestly.time to off myself!!!1!!1

4 hours till tribal and nobody’s heard anything hmmmm..... I’m gonna die!

AHHH! we merged! and the one person I was most fine with leaving left!! she was rlly nice tho... sorry alyssa :(. umm... so like this round is one of the two rounds I can play my legacy.. which is rlly scary because I’m gonna be even more paranoid now that I have an option to confirm my fate this tribal and potentially save myself.. But like if I need it now I’ll probably need it very soon and if I’m not playing to win what’s the point? So. I’m gonna save it. I’m gonna be the only player to have a legacy advantage, and I’m gonna have it for the entirety of the two seasons meaning it was never passed... woo! tribal is a mess but I think names are coming out and I’m not 13th? or at least I hope so

Sooooo a new alliance has been formed here on the Asteria Tribe. An 8 person alliance consisting of everyone outside of Betty White's influence.

(Me, Chris, Jared, Mitch, Bryce, Loris, Rhys, and Zach)

I think this might be the biggest alliance I've ever been in period? LOL

So we came up with a plan for this vote. It's a simple plan! Vote Drew, but say we're voting Matt so the other side wastes idols if they have them. Barring any other crazy advantages mixing in, I think it should be simple. There are some risks though.

This plan requires that I have trust in my 8 which is kind of essential anyway with such a large merge. If I don't have their trust, I don't have anything going forward. Still, it's a big risk no matter what.

I know Matt wants to get rid of me (I learned through Chris) tonight as well, and I've talked to Jack and he seems to obviously be on the same page. It's just about trust. I can't really blame them for sticking together. I wish they'd pick an Orfeo to target instead of me but it is what it is. I spent the last few rounds of pre-merge trying to set up this alliance and I'm not gonna flip on it for people who want me out tonight.

This could end up being my last confessional, though, and that's sad to think about. I've tried my best in this game and especially today to make sure my allies are all rock-solid. I wasn't able to keep the opposition from wanting me out though, which was a bit of a mistake but whatever.

Right now the vote seems to be on Matt and that’s unlikely to change so time to go with the majority woo.

About an hour until tribal and I still haven’t been approached by many people at all lol! Let’s see where this goes because I have a feeling this vote could flop super easily. Au Revior Cyrena because hopefully only one will be left after tonight

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Hehe YOIKES SO Stephen is now more of a tangible target to go home so either way I’m shaking out a player which is like mood but it’s time to play a game and if Stephen is not good for my game because he’s a big threat and I trust Matt more than he’s gone.

This cast is a bunch of cowards. Everyone has spent all day being too nervous to say a fucking name and now that there is names going around everyone’s just dipping in and out of being offline. I’m pretty sure I’m the only person right now presenting as active. But do I have a single person in my messages? DO I FUCK.

Here I was thinking maybe we'd have a shot, Chloe and Zach indicating they'd rather not vote out Matt while Chris and Mitch want to work with me. Now, 30 minutes before tribal, I find myself in the exact same spot as last time: a minority number confirmed from my allies, and people being shady about if they're with my plan or not. It shouldn't be me this time, hell I wouldn't be shocked though if they split 5-4-4. Anti-Cyrena is a fucking disease and these assholes need to be cleansed, but I just know in my gut Matt is going and only the 4 of us are voting Stephen. Fuck this noise man all star seasons suck

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I've also heard Stephen's name from Chloe so that makes me feel good because he is on the lower end of my priorities in my group if he is idoled out. Could be a diversion too. Anyways I still hope Drew goes.

Omg so I lied about us being able to get out Stephen I can’t believe I did that I’m so random ahah time to snake out matt sorry my Coventry love.

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Drew is voted out 8-3-2.

#episode #shinebright

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sillylovelornpup · 8 years

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Birthday Trip to Singapore

BLEP IM SO SAD IT HAD TO END Arrived SG on friday evening. Luke booked out in the morning and started napping when I boarded my plane. Spent $44 on a cab to kif's place. WAS SO HAPPY TO SEE HIM. 3DS broke after 5 years with it. Had to get a replacement at Clementi Mall. Explored Clem mall with keith for an hour (its been AWHILE). Ate Japanese food with Keith, Luke joined in after awhile. It was his first time seeing friends + his second bookout. Luke was buzy buying NS gear but he heard that we were nearby. He came just to see us. It was my dinner but.. I WAS SO HAPPY. I FELT MUSHY AND GOOEY INSIDE I LOST ALL MY APPETITE. He didn't lose any weight, but he THICC. 44% muscle and 19% fat. I love pudge but I'm pretty okay with some bara too :^). Ate fries and mcflurry together. I forgot he dips fries in his ice cream. Gamed with him, Keith and Yue Zhi together. We stopped when it was " four hours past his bed time". Woke up in the morning and saw Keith's gigantic feet. It was either the start of my foot fetish OR it just looks really good. Not sure yet. Was gonna have lunch with Andrew and YueZhi and told them to expect 3 of us to be late. Andrew ended up reaching Bugis by 12:30, Yue Zhi didn't show up, and we came at 1pm. Ate some ramen and watched 'Rings'. Was a bad horror movie, but I still hid behind Luke for most of it. I hugged his arm TIGHT. Went home and ordered in Macs. Gamed with them again that night. @meemsical WE WATCHED KUBO. I MADE KEITH WATCH IT. Sunday was when I spent time alone. Keith had to attend his niece's birthday party. Originally wanted to go to Buona Vista and look around its mall, ended up going to HCIS. Took a trip down memory lane, cried a bit, stayed there for 1-2 hours. Visited Luke's condo and waited for him at beauty world MRT. Bought Subway take away and went back home. Ate Chinese dinner with Keith and his cousins. I feel a lot better hanging around with them now. Talked about the ongoing Govenor elections and one of them started going on about her first impressions of me (that she sensed I had some supernatural powers). Maybe it was to make straight men gay? It happened twice already HAHA. Keith's computer broke down, so we just ended up playing a phone game for 4 hours at night. Luke booked in too. Woke up on Monday to the sight of Keith's majestic feet AND yearning for Luke. Had to go to school to meet up with Ms Yap Sioas Chin. Mrs Yap? Ms Yeap? MRS LU? :^)) Met a couple of teachers too. Mrs Audrey Koh (EE SUP) got very excited when she heard I'm still taking Geography for the future. Invited me back to the NEXT HMUN. Went home and played that stupid card game for a few more hours. Keith had to go and meet up with Eli, so I decided to chill at Bukit Timah Plaza, eating Korean food. Shit hit the fan after that. Keith texted me that he's meeting up with Dil and Shay, so I comforted Eli for a bit. Told her some stories about Luke and me, and other things. She went home after that. Not knowing where to go, I decided to go back home. Met a guy on the MRT. This IB2 kid wearing pajamas, foggy spectacles, messy bedhair, looking really blurr. He was in Karate, so I approached him. He accompanied me to the bus stop and ranted about IB and his teachers. "Hey aren't you procrastinating? I know the way from here" "Shut up. Let me have this." Walked home from KAP bus stop to Sunset way. Creepy walks at night are fun. Would've been better with Luke though. Reached Keith's place at midnight and went to shower. Received a text from Keith that he needs help to get picked up. He was drunk, I was worried. I took an Uber from Sunset way to Marine Parade. Got birthday wishes from Adele, Shay, Dil and Keith (all very drunk except shay). Went home, was very scared that Keith would die from alcohol poisoning. Stayed up to see if he was okay. I slept for 4 hours. Was talking to Luke in the morning. He wished me happy birthday. I wish I could've spent it with him. Went to Andrew's house and we gamed with Yuezhi and Drew. Got a grey cap from Keith which couldn't fit him. He wants to pass it to Luke but I want to hold onto it first. Keith seems fine today, even after what happened yesterday. Went to NUS. Met up with Megan Tan after 4 years, she took me around the university. I really hope I can enter now. It was beautiful. Met up with Keith, CK and Shay. Had a birthday cake for the first time in 7 years. Went home, ordered Macs, slept. LAZY DAY. Watched spongebob. Packed. Showered and went off to the airport. Driver advised me on what electives to take when I'm studying Geography. Drew sent me off. He bought me hot chocolate from starbucks. I was sitting in the window seat and got bored. Started writing on my tumblr. Went home safely. I miss everyone.

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