#my deeply hated part is the university pins

[marciaillust]

this doujinshi made me go to kazuma university and i got a degree in drawing the back of his head

[songmingisthighs]

Fire of My Passion

group : ateez

pairing : poly dragon!ateez × reader, dragon!seonghwa × reader

genre : angst, fantasy, mature

word count : 13.2k

warning : slight gore (murder, abuse), death threat, murder intent, depiction of attacks and casualties, mentions of people getting hurt, psychological anguish

a/n : this is a fic based on @thelargefrye 's dragon!ateez universe !! honestly i really love the fics, i've been recommending it everywhere. if you haven't checked it, please read them first before you read this >:) you can find the dragon!ateez fics here here (m, mdni) here (m, mdni) AND BY THE WAY SMALLS IF YOU'RE READING THIS, I'M SO SORRY IT TOOK SUCH A LONG FUCKING WHILE IDK WHAT I WAS DOING ASOGHOSIGOSIJ I STARTED BULLSHITTING AND I CAN'T STOP

There were things that Seonghwa was used to; calm surroundings, his books in the library, his mates, and his clan. Everything was in order, as it should be since generations before and he loves it. This castle is his home, his sanctuary, where his past happened and where he will establish his future. All were as they are supposed to be.

That was until you came.

"Sunyeol, no!"

Just the sound of your voice was enough to ruin his whole day.

The voices made Seonghwa snap his head to see you running after a hatchling not too far behind him, a little boy named Sunyeol who was holding something in his hand, running past him with glee while you were in tow. Less than three months ago, Seonghwa didn't have to worry about being aware of things around him when he sleeps as the clan was secure in the mountains but now, his mates were sleeping with someone who could potentially kill them without having to lift a finger. How will his ancestors react upon learning that he and his mates, high-ranking members of their clan, were sleeping with the enemy and have mated with the enemy and even brought said enemy to their home, their little safe haven? To be frank, Seonghwa didn't know which part was worse but he resented himself for not preventing you from being admitted into their lives. Because as usual, the witches do whatever they want and everyone was simply supposed to go along with it despite the pain and anguish. So imagine his fury when he saw members of his clan being happy with you. He hated it. He hated YOU so much.

Seonghwa's steps halted when he saw you cornering the boy and alarms started blaring off in his head. The scene was just too reminiscent of the countless murders of both adults and hatchlings in his life. "Alright, Sunyeol, you give me my stone back or else," it was obvious (to you and the hatchling at least) that you were being playful, it was nothing but a ruse to make things fun and the hatchling looked very much happy and engaged, "We can do this the easy way, or the hard way," each step you took made Seonghwa's heart beat louder in his chest, ringing in his arms like drums, "And we both know we don't want me using the hard way," the smirk on your face was menacing to him, it was a sign of threat. At that point, Seonghwa was no longer even looking at Sunyeol, his eyes transfixed on you, on how you were preying on that little hatchling boy.

In a flash, Seonghwa had you pinned onto the wall, his arm pressing onto your chest suffocatingly in a diagonal angle, using his sleeve to separate you from him because he couldn't imagine the disgust, the utter uncleanness, the absolute filth on your skin latching onto him. "Is that your ploy, witch?" Seonghwa's eyes narrowed as he glared at you with seething hatred, the pure anger that his eyes conveyed was enough to have your stomach sink in fear. "You come here, you pretend to be this nice little witch when the truth is you were just waiting for the opportunity to erase our entire existence, right? And this is how you start? From our precious hatchlings?" smoke started coming out of Seonghwa's mouth and fear struck you deeply. You were confused because you were playing with a hatchling, helping Mingi with his duties one second, and the next thing you know, you were about to die in the hands of a high-ranking dragon for being playful. You tried to claw his arm off of you, desperately trying to get oxygen back into your lungs, but it was apparent from his grip that Seonghwa's aim was to kill as he was seconds away from murdering you.

Had it not been for Sunyeol's cries, asking Seonghwa not to hurt you, you would have surely lost your life that moment. Even when the boy was brazenly tugging on Seonghwa's shirt harshly, screaming at the top of his lungs to let you go as tears streamed down his chubby cheeks, Seonghwa still hesitated to let you go. In his head, he was only thinking of the fact that he might not get a chance like this anymore, to get you in such a vulnerable place that he could just take your life so easily. But the sound of the boy's cries seemed to remind him that he couldn't just make a decision about not only his but his other mates' mate single-handedly. Surely the council will disapprove and his mates (the ones that like you at least no matter the small number), will have his head on a stick.

With resolve wavering (as much as he hated to admit it), Seonghwa let you go, pushing you off to the floor where you croak, struggling to breathe despite being able to feel the oxygen fill your lungs again. With a last glare sent your way, Seonghwa turned on his heels to leave but not before reassuringly patting Sunyeol on his head.

Truly, Seonghwa had no idea as to how and why would his kind be so accepting and understanding of your kind. Since they were merely hatchlings, they were already warned about what witches do, what they were capable of. Cautionary tales of how witches put enchantments on dragon folks lure them to their dwellings and make them turn into their dragon form before killing them. Their scales were sold as armour to dragon hunters, their teeth turned into necklaces that serves as wards with runes on them or ornaments like trophies in their homes, their blood drained to be used as an elixir or potion, and the rest of them were either put on display as a reminder of what they managed to kill, unable to get eternal rest or let just thrown away carelessly as if they were nothing. Those who were killed like that died a gruesome death with the lucky ones got to die in their human form. Seonghwa could never forget the time Hongjoong burned down an entire village filled with dragon hunters when he saw his father's dragon bones propped in the square as if he was nothing more than a statue while his mother and brother were killed in front of it. How he took his family who were already gone, into his strong talons and stayed there as everything burned around him. That day Hongjoong unwillingly became the clan's leader, shouldering the burden and the pain that he was yet to be ready for.

You can ask anyone and they'd say that Park Seonghwa is benevolent, he is kind and understanding, and he is compassionate. But he truly drew the line at you and your kind. He would never forgive you for just entering their lives and messing things up. Things might seem okay and good now, but he knew that the likes of you would only bring pain and misery to their lives, he knew it. It's hard being someone who can see things clearly but not wanting to mess things up as too much was on the line.

For now, all he could do was keep an eye on you and prepare for when he needed to defend himself and his mates, his clan. He'd give his life for them but moreover, he'd take your life to salvage them.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Thankfully for Seonghwa, you spent the next several days cowering in the shadows. He walked around in pride whenever he saw you clutching your chest when you saw him before turning around on your heels and running away. Usually, you'd be walking around with Wooyoung or Yeosang, Mingi would only be around you when you were working with him and he convinced himself that it was simply because he saw you as nothing more than a coworker, nothing romantic. But the three seemed to know nothing which means you hadn't told them that Seonghwa almost killed you. To that, Seonghwa gave you trust points for not being a tattle tale.

It felt refreshing not seeing your face so often as before. One might even able to see the little spring in Seonghwa's steps and the slight smile that was returning after months of not seeing it.

But of course, all good things must come to an end.

One fateful day, after the sun has long set and the halls of the castle was illuminated by candle lights, Seonghwa walked out of the library to be met with the sound of hurried steps.

"Hyung, they came! They fucking came!" San cried out, panting when he reached Seonghwa with Yunho next to him, looking equally distraught. Confused, Seonghwa looked at San and Yunho with clear confusion in his face, "Whoah, whoah, whoah, calm down there," despite his calmer tone, Seonghwa felt uneasy from how his two mates were acting. "Dragon hunters attacked the border residence, we have casualties," the words that left Yunho's mouth froze Seonghwa's body.

He didn't remember what he said, he didn't even remember moving because when he came to, he was at the place where the hunters attacked. A good dozen were being treated for trap wounds, cuts and bruises, and not far from where they were, five bodies covered in white cloth laid still. People were crying over their burnt houses and while there were only two burning houses, it was two to many.

"Where are they?" Seonghwa's voice was eerily calm and stern, an absolute darkness filled his aura and both San and Yunho could feel it. "They ran off to the woods, we have three patrols chasing after them," that was all Seonghwa needed from San for him to transform and chase after the hunters himself. It wasn't hard for him at all as his eyes managed to catch their thermal signature and they were mocking the dragons they killed, obnoxiously yelling how the tip was worth the gold they spent and it just angered Seonghwa even more.

Moments passed like a second and the next thing Seonghwa knew, he reemerged from the forest drenched in the blood of the hunters he just... exterminated. His eyes was golden and face hard, wildness and fury apparent and for a moment he seemed soulless, like a simple sentient being whose job was to kill and had no remorse nor any emotions whatsoever. Not even San nor Yunho dared to got close to him as they didn't know how Seonghwa might react. Heck, they didn't even know what was going on in Seonghwa's mind as he walked past them towards the castle. Neither of them would have guessed nor expected for Seonghwa to immediately target one person in particular.

You.

Dripping blood, he was making a trail everywhere but he didn't care. No, he couldn't care less about the mess he made. He was going to do what he should have done from the beginning. He should have protected his kind, he should have protected his mate, he should have made sure that you had no chance to hurt them even for a bit.

Luckily for him (but unluckily for you), he saw you walking from the path in the garden, seemingly coming out from the forrest it led to. And everything clicked in his head. You were the one who tipped the hunters in the first place. You were the cause of the despair that befell them. You were everything Seonghwa thought you were and more.

Just as you stepped back into the castle, Seonghwa ambushed you, pushing you off of the steps and out onto the grass. The impact didn't wound you but it surely knocked the breath out of your lungs, causing you to choke as you tried to retrieve the oxygen that was oh so harshly forced out of your body. "I should have killed you when I had the chance," Seonghwa's voice was cold as ice, void of any emotion and it frightened you. You began scrambling backwards only for Seonghwa to take steps closer to you and it was only when the moonlight hit him that you realized that he was drenched in blood. "How could you?" He caught up easily and grabbed you by the hair, pulling you up as you hiss in pain, "What could you have possibly benefitted from killing innocent people?" When you were at eye-level with him, you were able to take notice of the tears brimming in his eyes, some had dropped onto his cheek and mixed with the blood before pooling on his sharp chin. "We let you stay with us and this is the thanks we get? You tipping those hunters where we live and letting them attack us? Attack the people who are precious to us? The innocent people whom we swore to protect and you made us break our promise for what? What did they promise you?" At this point, the hand that gripped your hair had moved to the side of your head as his other hand gripped the other side with his thumbs on your cheeks, smearing blood that penetrated your nostril harshly but it wasn't as bad as the pressure Seonghwa was putting on your skull. "S-Seonghwa," you whimpered, your hands gripping his in an attempt to pry him off of you. The tears in your eyes did nothing to stop Seonghwa from trying to crush your skull. He was in anguish, he was mourning, he was betrayed and he didn't even have his trust in you in the first place. So how could he have let this happen?

Your fingers had begun scratching his hand as you cried for him to let you go, begging to not kill you while proclaiming that you did nothing, that you didn't know what he was talking about. But he didn't care, he didn't want to care anymore because he was hurt, he was angry, he wanted to punish you for what you did because how dare you deny the truth when it was so glaring?

"P-please Seonghwa, don't k-kill me," you cried, managing to grab his thumb and still trying your best to remove his grip on you. "I didn't do anything." "I should have killed you the second you stepped into this place, I should have killed you like you deserved after exterminating us like vermin." Emotions were running too wildly in Seonghwa, every emotion that he never realized he had were running through his body like crazy, controlling his mind and action to the point that he didn't even realize that he was crying hard at that point. Though tears blurred his vision, he was still able to see the look of absolute fear on your face.

Your brain was swirling with ideas on how to escape the situation because the last thing you wanted was to die in the hands of your mate's mate. And then you got the idea, you found your escape.

"T-think about Y-yeosang a-and Wooyoung! Think of how much," you momentarily paused to adjust to the feeling of Seonghwa's fingers digging into your skull and you were sure that it was permanently dented. At the mention of his mates, Seonghwa seemed to come to momentarily. The grip loosened slightly but his hands were still caging your head so while it gave you a little bit of hope that you'd be able to keep your life. "Think o-of how much they'll resent you if you were the one to make me disappear," it was apparent that your tactic was working, Seonghwa's sharp nails slowly relaxed from your scalp, allowing you feel the sting from the breeze that brushed through your hair. "Let me make myself disappear, that way they'll hate me and not you and it'll be much easier for them to move on.

Your words struck Seonghwa rather deeply as he considered your words, thinking that you had a point and he'd get an easy out with his mates. As someone who was always level-headed, Seonghwa was rather surprised at himself for being taken over almost completely by his emotions and even more so that he was even considering listening to you. It was truly a cursed day and the quicker you were gone, the quicker he can move on and forget about how shitty it is.

When Seonghwa's hand let your head go, you finally realized how warm his touch was because as soon as he let go of you, the breeze blew rather harshly and goosebumps rose on your skin. Or maybe it was the realization of what just happened, you were going to have to leave your boys without saying goodbye. Technically speaking, it was just Yeosang and Wooyoung and probably Mingi, but you think it was better for your sanity to believe that the only reason Mingi would miss you was that now he didn't have anyone to help him with the hatchlings. And God, leaving the hatchlings that you had grown so close with. Just as a couple of them proclaimed their love for you because they thought you were so cool and kind and loving and they wanted to see more of your grimoire, Weiss. How were you going to move past this life? The life that you never expected but found to love despite the obstacles in every way. How were you going to survive waking up all alone when you've been so accustomed to waking up with Wooyoung and/or Yeosang in bed with you. Their dragon warmth that could not be replicated no matter how much you asked Weiss (because he didn't want you to accidentally burn him) helped you through rainy days and anxiety-filled nights. It was one of your favourite things about them and they'd be more than happy to provide it to you. But over anything else, you can't believe you were leaving them just because your life was on the line.

Just as you were about to say your goodbyes to Seonghwa (not that he was going to care, but it was just polite that way), when he suddenly grabbed you by the neckline of your top, pulling you close to his face so he could speak lowly with his teeth bared and body vibrating. "I'm letting you off for now but make sure I can't find you, you hear me? I'm letting you off because I don't want Yeosang and Wooyoung to hate me for killing you no matter how fun it would be. Because believe me when I say that I have made a list of how to kill you in an excruciatingly painful and slow way that you would actually much rather kill yourself than have me spend my precious time and energy on you," each word was like a stab to your gut but the pain it inflicted was nothing compared to the fact that you actually believed him. Genuinely, you know for sure that he wouldn't hesitate if you gave him the chance.

Seonghwa then pushed you by your chest, not so hard that you fell but just enough to send you reeling slightly, stumbling before running off into the darkness in the woods. The last thing you remembered was Seonghwa's golden eyes turning back to their normal dark brown colour shining in the darkness as he returned to the castle. It was all you could think of as you travelled through the safety of the shadows that the trees cast, thinking that even if Seonghwa were to send his dragon guards at you, you'd still be able to feel the safety of the idea of being hidden so organically.

You must've run beyond your strength because the next thing you know, you stumbled down a hill and you fell rolling down. The impact all over your body seemed to bring your realization back a little because when you finally landed limply on the clearing of the meadow at the bottom of the hill, everything came crashing down to you. How you were so close to losing your life in the hands of your mate's mate, how you were accused of doing something you didn't even understand or know and weren't given a chance to defend yourself or even to provide your point of view, how you selfishly traded your love for your own life like a coward, and how you might not be able to see your mates again anymore. It was only then and there that you cried, your throat turned raw when you screamed out of agony. The pain of falling down and your ankle twisting was nothing compared to the pain of being separated from your mates and you couldn't even imagine what Yeosang and Wooyoung would wake up to, how they would react. For now, you for sure know that they'd have nothing but hatred towards you and you were willing to burden it all if it meant that they would be kept safe. Maybe Seonghwa was right, maybe whatever happened was your fault somehow, maybe you brought them bad luck or maybe there was a reason that you couldn't even think of at that moment. But you stood firm on your resolve that you were doing this for your boys, for them all.

As painful as it was for you, you wiped the tears off your cheeks and stood up straight, letting the pain all over your body drive you by reminding you of what was important. You could still see the castle where you had resided for more or less three months, the towers were slightly covered by trees but you could never mistake it, and you could never forget what it look like. But you couldn't focus on reminiscing now, not when you can't shake Seonghwa's accusation that you were the cause of their despair. So with a shaky breath, you cleared your mind and summoned Weiss who opened itself up for you with no question as your hands raised.

"Let's get to work."

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

The past three weeks had been hell for everyone in the castle, especially for the residence. It was nothing like Seonghwa expected whatsoever. He had thought that by eliminating you, their lives would be much different and for the best. Never could he have imagined that the situation was much more complicated and dire.

"How is he?" Hongjoong asked, looking tired and stressed.

The head healer sighed and shook her head much to his and Seonghwa's disappointment. "Well, what do you know?" Although Hongjoong tried to sound confident, it was obvious that he was beyond worried, there was a slight quiver that indicated fear and while other people couldn't have noticed it, Seonghwa knew Hongjoong well enough that he was truly fearing for their newest addition. "Well... He's... Mourning, sir, the simplest explanation is that he was separated from his mate for too long that his mental state just... Broke," she explained timidly in a slightly bowed stance as to avoid Hongjoong and Seonghwa's gaze. At the mention of Wooyoung's mate, Seonghwa's body froze slightly, it was as if his body was involuntarily reacting to the trigger word or words in this case, immediately reminded of the scene where he drove you away by threatening to kill you. As far as Seonghwa knows, nobody else knew about that incident, no one knew he had almost destroyed you that night and that he didn't even see where you had gone to. He was just glad that you were gone. This, however, the news that Wooyoung suffered a mental break and Yeosang became so weak that he injured himself in a patrol was something Seonghwa didn't expect. In all honesty, he felt bad, he felt as if he was responsible, but he didn't want to believe that it was his fault so he put those thoughts on the back burner, trying to focus on how to better the situation instead.

The explanation didn't make Hongjoong feel better though as he couldn't really comprehend what is it that made Wooyoung experience such a devastating break. He tried looking at the two assistant healers but they too were avoiding his gaze as best as they could. "That's stupid," Hongjoong groaned in frustration, hands rubbing at his face harshly, "The oracle said he's our mate and if you haven't figured it out yet he's with his mates right now so you must be wrong!" he growled, terrifying the healers but didn't let them respond as he turned and walked away, yelling to them one last time, "You better come up with a better explanation and treatment plan for him!"

With a last glance spared to Wooyoung's bedroom as the healers reentered, letting the sound of Wooyoung moaning and crying in pain escape, Seonghwa followed behind Hongjoong. Maybe it was best for him to tell Hongjoong what he did, what he had done to Wooyoung's... mate. No matter how much they denied that a dragon could mate with a witch, they have to consider that fact now, especially with Yeosang's incessant and teary attempt of convincing them. The mood in the castle had gone down considerably and at a pretty drastic speed. One could argue that it was the stress of handling the dragon hunter issue and rebuilding the ruined houses and also calming the people down, ensuring their safety with double the patrols which obviously took time to assemble and set their working schedule. It was a miracle that all of them were still functional even though barely. Though, Hongjoong's dedication of time and effort to accommodate the situation was proven fruitful as they have yet to see nor sense another attack from dragon hunters. The patrolmen hadn't even sensed witches or their runes or potions around, meaning that it was more likely than not safe for them. Hongjoong and the others took this as a win as one issue is at least resolved. For now.

Other than Wooyoung and Yeosang, Mingi seemed to receive the third biggest hit. It had been a while since Seonghwa saw him practice his sword skills, abusing the life out of the dummy they usually use for practice and even managing to break three with a wooden sword for practice. As a carer of the hatchlings, Mingi was never expected to be the best in fighting as his main priority was protection over the little ones. While basic fighting skills were needed in order to protect the hatchlings if needed, none of them had ever seen Mingi letting out so much frustration and emotion which made him look terrifying. Thankfully, the children would provide him with some comfort, allowing him to still feel some semblance of warmth as he took care of them but once his duty ended, he would... clam up and go back to his sword practice. Yunho, San, and Jongho on the other hand looked detached even during their duties. While their quality of work wasn't affected, their mood does and it made them even more unapproachable, especially with the glare that Jongho and San would give to the other patrolmen. Yunho would more often than not venture off by himself, excusing it as him wanting to check something out by himself before involving the others.

"I went to the Oracle again," Hongjoong sighed as he and Seonghwa reached a secluded part of the castle, "I... Asked them about this whole thing," with his back against the cold stone wall, Hongjoong was able to lean his head back and just closed his eyes. Seonghwa sidled close next to him, his hand circled and rested on Hongjoong's hips to pull him close, the sudden act made Hongjoong open his eyes to look at his mate before accepting and just letting him get as close as he want. "What whole thing?" Seonghwa asked, his thumb began rubbing on Hongjoong's hips gently in an attempt to comfort the man. "Apparently... It was true," Hongjoong's head dropped to rest on Seonghwa's shoulder, feeling the absolute weight of responsibility burdening him so heavily that it was as if he could crumble then and there, "(y/n)... She's our last mate," an incredulous scoff escaped Hongjoong's mouth as if the words left a bitter taste in his mouth. Almost immediately, Seonghwa's body tensed up and froze, not believing his ears. "Yeah, I was surprised too," Hongjoong nuzzled his head deeper into the crook of Seonghwa's neck with his eyes closing once again, "What are we supposed to do? That little witch ran away and now once again we're left with cleaning her mess. How are we supposed to make sure that Yeosang and Wooyoung will be okay? They have truly mated with her so they're suffering greatly," Seonghwa felt Hongjoong lifting his head up slightly and when he looked down, he saw his strong leader's eyes brimming with tears, a rare occurrence that truly broke his heart, "How are we going to help them, Seonghwa? Why can I protect everyone else but them?" Seonghwa was quick to envelop the man in a tight hug despite he himself slowly becoming affected by his mate's words, he knew he had to be strong so Hongjoong could momentarily falter.

"Don't you even worry," Seonghwa said firmly, unknowingly using his own words to convince himself as well, "We're gonna get through this. We're going to be okay."

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to anyone else, Yunho had taken it upon himself to venture off again. He had been feeling something... odd in certain areas, as if something was calling for him, wanting to be found and rescued by him.

It was odd.

Every day, Yunho woke up to the feeling of wanting to venture a little bit further out than his usual patrol would take. There was something about the hills that called to him but every single time he got closer, he found himself walking back to the clan. And each time he returned to his people, there was a sense of longing and sorrow. Today, however, he woke up and sense that he felt different than the previous days. He couldn't quite explain it, but he sensed that whoever or whatever it was that was calling him is reachable now. So he rushed to the path that called onto him, fully hoping to see something new, some kind of explanation.

What Yunho didn't expect, however, was the sound of a mountain troll roaring followed by the sound of branches crunching but louder. Immediately, Yunho got into his battle stance, thinking that the troll sensed his presence and wanted him gone from the area. His ear and thermal sensors were able to pick up where the beast was coming from and where it was headed easily. However, what intrigued him was another signature that was much smaller and seemed familiar. It was only when he saw you being thrown to the ground by the mountain troll as if you were nothing but a book.

"Fuck," You groaned, trying to get up and running away but the monster grabbed you by the leg and dragged you closer to it. You were already so weak from trying to run away from the brute, and it was getting so frustrating and hopeless as you were a lot smaller and weaker than the thing. To be frank, you could've taken Weiss out and performed magic to daze the monster so you could make your escape but that would be counterproductive as it would leave a signature and you were trying to not get caught or found by anyone. So equipped with only your with and your desperation to survive, you tried your best to pry the hand of the monster off of you by throwing whatever your hands could grab from the ground at it. But it was no use, it had no effect whatsoever and it even looked unbothered. A loud cry was ripped out of your throat when you felt its claws sink into your skin, to ensure that you wouldn't go anywhere and it was then that you realized that you were facing the last moments of your life without having your task completed.

Thankfully, Yunho stepped in just as the troll was about to drag you by your injured leg to its dwelling, possibly to be torn apart and eaten by its group. With unmatched strength and clean movements, Yunho easily sliced the monster's arm off of you and sent it running to the other side, growling, howling, and injured. Yunho could've run after it to finish the job like how he was trained to do, but he was more worried about you. When he turned his back to offer you some help, you weren't where you initially were and it made Yunho panic slightly as he hadn't even gotten the chance to talk to you. His eyes darted around to see you limping away in the direction from which you were running away from. "Hey!" Yunho called out, jogging to catch up with you easily as you were injured and he was not human.

To be quite honest, Yunho actually felt glad that he saw you again after a long while. There was a sense of relief that came with seeing and confirming that it was indeed you; his chest felt lighter as if a weight has been lifted off and he actually felt... happy. Said happiness was ripped away from him however when he first noticed that you weren't where you were on the ground. "What are you doing?" his hands shot out as you stumbled slightly, situating them near your body so if you were to fall, he could catch you, "We should be getting you back to the castle! You're injured!" he exclaimed, cringing when he saw your bloodied leg that you still forcibly use to stand. It felt odd for him to be so nice to you especially since your nice gestures had been reciprocated with nothing but disdain and rejection from him for months.

Much to his surprise, you barely spared him a glance as you shook your head whilst simultaneously producing Weiss into the open air. Oh, how the tables have turned. "Go away, Yunho, I have important work to do," ouch. "Like hell you do, you need to be taken care of right now," your stubbornness was almost endearing to Yunho at that moment as it reminded him of his mates, specifically Hongjoong. It was no secret that the leader has his priorities set on his pride and his pride only so more often than not, they were forced to use force on their leader to make sure that he gets his rest. So out of instinct, Yunho held your elbows so he could usher you to the castle to get some help and hopefully some answers. But his heart stopped in his chest when he felt you slap his hands away as you turned to look at him. Yunho's eyes widened at the impact, completely stunned and surprised. You were glaring at him but he could see that it wasn't hatred, not from how your bottom lip was trembling and tears were brimming in your eyes. "Don't make this harder than it has to Yunho, go away," you said before turning around and going back to "work" just a little bit further away from Yunho.

Yunho followed suit and he was about to scold you for not wanting his help when he watched what you were doing. Your hands moved in almost a graceful manner, going into your pocket and producing a white powder to spread on the grassy ground as you recite a spell. Slowly, a translucent film-like barrier appeared from the place where the powder was spread and up to the sky. He didn't know how tall it was, but he had a good idea of what it exactly was. "You put up a barrier to keep us inside," Yunho muttered as his eyes slowly trailed from the barrier down to you who had moved further away to continue the process. "Were you trying to imprison us?" the question had no malice in them but the way he immediately thought the worse of you made you flinch slightly, "Of course not, if I wanted to do that, Wooyoung wouldn't have been able to visit my cottage," you sighed before continuing your work. Immediately, Yunho's eyes widened at your revelation, "How did you know that? Have you been spying on us?" again, he didn't mean any harm, it was just that he was in such a state of shock that it caused him to have a poor choice of language. Still, you didn't know that and it still hurt. "No, I was never spying on you all. I was making sure that you all were safe from hunters," you planned on concluding your explanation there, clapping your hands to get the remnants of powder off before limping away.

Of course, your exit was not made easy. Yunho grabbed your arm and turned you to him, this time looking at you with genuine worry in his eyes. "(y/n) please, come back with me to the castle, you need help from the healers!"

You had been hoping for months that one of them other than Wooyoung, Yeosang, and Mingi would reach out to you and asked you to stay just as Yunho was doing. But you couldn't shake off the fear Seonghwa had struck you. You couldn't even go back to living in your cottage as you were afraid that he might find you just to make sure that you were really gone or that Wooyoung or Yeosang might find you and brought you back or even just told him that they saw you back in your cottage. You couldn't risk it and you couldn't risk going to your mother's place as they could sense the dragon off of you and they might enchant you to tell them where they were. So you hid in plain sight, you set up camp in the meadows, right where you fell off after your encounter with Seonghwa and stayed there even after your barrier was set up and it was a good thing that you did because, during the past three weeks, several hunters got close to the area and you had to drive them away with enchantments and monsters ran rampage that almost broke the ward in the barrier. You had pride in your work, everyone inside was not able to look past it and those outside can't peek in except for you. If they even thought of venturing past, the barrier would incept their minds and lead them to go back to the clan instead. Of course, they were able to go out past the barrier, but not from the front entrance that you set which was the area of your camp, they were very much welcome to use the path past the river. You mostly patrol the front entrance and every once in a while, you were able to see some of them with other patrolmen. Mostly Yunho and Jongho, but you remembered seeing Yeosang and how weak he looked just three days after you left. You really wanted to hold him, hug him, tell him that you were sorry for leaving without saying anything but it was for his own good. And then you saw Wooyoung in your cottage. You didn't mean to follow him per se, you were just making sure that in his frantic state, the hunters wouldn't find him or he wouldn't do anything stupid. You even had to enchant him to go back and that was the last time you saw him.

It took everything in you to not give up and tell Yunho everything; what had happened and most importantly, how much you wanted to go back home to them, be with them. But you couldn't. You don't belong there with them.

"I'm sorry Yunho," you whispered. Before he could ask what you meant, you had placed your fingers on his temple, the touch allowed your powers to permeate Yunho's mind and sent him into a frozen state. You could feel his consciousness lowering ever so slightly as you recite the spell that would make him think that this was a dream and send him home. Yunho could feel it, your magic coursing through him and it felt warm, it felt nothing like what his elders told him a witch's magic was like. As you and him connected on that deep of a level, unbeknownst to you, Yunho was able to feel your pain, fear, longing, and love that wasn't just for Wooyoung and Yeosang, but for every single one of them including his clan. It was his first taste of pure and genuine love and devotion and he felt safe in it. Just before Yunho lost consciousness completely, he said something that surprised you as it was the first time someone had managed to peek out from your mind spell. "W-What about Yeosang? What about Wooyoung? They- we, we need you." A soft, sad smile appeared on your face and you shook your head at him, deciding to say something that you had no idea he would take to heart completely.

"He'll be fine. They both will, take care of them for me please."

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

The guilt was eating Seonghwa inside and out.

It had been a week since Hongjoong's revelation that you were supposedly their mate too and he felt like he was going insane. Days spent putting out one fire after the other with Hongjoong but thankfully it wasn't literal fire like the ones before. The things he had to handle were mostly over his mates being so unfocused they made mistakes in their jobs. San accidentally hurt himself during patrol, gashing his own leg by mistake when he tripped and fell down the stairs so harsh he had to be put to rest for two days. Jongho looked so worn out that he actually broke down crying one night to Seonghwa, saying that he didn't feel quite right and it was exhausting knowing something's wrong but not knowing where to start fixing it. Yeosang and Wooyoung were still in the same state; Yeosang's weak with cheeks hollowed, lifeless as he remained catatonic in his bed while Wooyoung reached a new level of despair; only saying "(y/n) please come back, i need you," as he made numerous attempts to travel out of the castle to find you only to pass out not even three steps from the garden. Frankly the only functional ones were Mingi and Yunho, keeping up with their duties while filling in wherever they were needed. Yunho was especially surprising because he suddenly spend his nights in Wooyoung's room, accompanying and making sure that he was okay before leaving to rest himself.

But everyone had their limits and this was it for Seonghwa.

He couldn't admit this before but he felt that his chest was hollow, his heart beating without his heart being there and his passion diminishing. Even Hongjoong took notice of this when he noticed Seonghwa slowly skipping his meals and remained to himself for the majority of the time, not saying anything when it wasn't truly dire. This, of course, led to fights between the two eldest as Hongjoong was afraid that he would be the last one standing, holding onto every last bit of remaining sanity in the group desperately while his partner was reduced to something similar to Yeosang. Seonghwa kept trying to convince Hongjoong (and himself) by repeating over and over again that he wouldn't, that he had a better grip on his sanity and control over his urges than Yeosang because he had never done the mating ritual with you. But of course, what he neglected to tell Hongjoong was the fact that he was so guilt-ridden that he has been functioning on anxiety for a couple of days and he had been travelling outside for a bit every day in hopes to see you. For the first time ever, Seonghwa was actually disappointed that he didn't see you anywhere near the castle and not even your cottage every time he checked there.

You truly did believe that he would end you and somehow he disliked that. The idea sent a bitter taste to his mouth like poison or rancid meat.

Now, however, he had to put his feelings and stress aside because he had to deal with Wooyoung who had once again left his bedroom without anyone noticing to venture out of the castle in search of you. With frantic steps, Seonghwa looked for Wooyoung, hoping that he'd be in the garden where you and he once spent hours cultivating and replanting herbs to be used or studied, or in the library where you spent the whole night reading dragon folklore to Wooyoung while stroking his hair, or even in the kitchen where you two stole cookies in broad daylight as a challenge to see if either of you were as subtle as you claimed. It surprised Seonghwa how he know so much about your behaviour yet claimed that he had no care for you whatsoever. Maybe he had been too stubborn to admit the fact that despite your identity, the connection was truly there and it was strong. His stubbornness also exists within the actions that he made namely not telling anyone else that Wooyoung had once again made a crazy escape in a very unwell state because he thought that as the oldest and the second in command, the last thing he needed to do was to involve people who were resting and made it seem like he couldn't handle certain issues by himself. God forbid that.

Suddenly Seonghwa remembered where you would sometimes take Wooyoung when you couldn't find the herbs you needed to make your (demonic mind control) potion. "Shit, he better not be there," despite his complaining, Seonghwa transformed as he jumped up to fly to where he thought Wooyoung might be. It was at the bottom of the hill where there were tons of stumps where mushrooms could grow freely and due to the type of wood growing in the area, there was one type of mushroom, a special and rare one, that could either heal someone's ailments and clean the body or kill them when consumed incorrectly. He remembered you talking about that because you had once prepared the drink for Seonghwa after he spent two weeks dealing with an issue with the neighbouring clan and was so close to passing out. Of course, back then he accused you of trying to murder him and slapped the glass off your hands harshly so that there was a large red mark on your skin for the next couple of days. Ironically, when he did pass out, he was brought back to good health by your mushroom incense which made him throw up all the toxins and fatigue that accumulated in his body from his neglecting it so bad which to stay true to his hatred towards you, he claimed that his body was rejecting whatever it was you used to incapacitate him and decided to just be better so he could fight you off.

From the sky, Seonghwa could barely see anything through the thick trees but he tried his best to sense Wooyoung. After all, he was weak and slow, it shouldn't be too hard to locate him. It wasn't until he heard sobs and a voice calling out for your name so brokenheartedly that Seonghwa dove down and transformed as he reached to ground to see Wooyoung lying on the dirty ground limply as his hands tried to pull the grass so he could crawl to his destination. Seeing him like this made Seonghwa's eyes water and his heart clench so painfully harshly that he thought it might stop beating. This was all his doing, it was all his fault for making a single-handed decision out of his sheer stubbornness and trauma, incapable of considering the fact that his mates might have been right about you because he thought he knew best.

"Wooyoung," he called out, wiping the tears that were cascading down his cheeks as he crouched down near the man who looked so broken and lost and abandoned. Wooyoung didn't even acknowledge Seonghwa's presence, he kept trying his best to pull himself forward more but the lack of strength in his body did nothing but gave him frustration. "Wooyoung," Seonghwa tried calling him again, his voice cracking slightly as he grabbed the younger dragon by the shoulders to stop him from moving more and potentially hurting him. The sight of his dirty, tattered shirt was something Seonghwa didn't look forward to finding out. To his surprise, Wooyoung was able to shrug his grasp off of him, making his escape by using whatever was left in him to stand up. "I need to see (y/n)," he croaked, lifeless eyes staring forward at seemingly nothing, "She needs me, she's calling for me," though he said with little to no facial muscle movement, the tears that sprung from his eyes indicated just how desperate he was.

The thought of scooping Wooyoung and simply taking him away flashed in Seonghwa's head. It would be so easy to just grab him and take him away, God knows it would be best for the both of them. But Seonghwa felt in his gut that he wouldn't be able to cope with the knowledge that he has once again done something that was against what his mate wanted. Another thought flashed in Seonghwa's head, was he about to let his mate do something that could potentially end his life? Not on his watch. So how was he going to convince Wooyoung to return home?

Seonghwa's deep thoughts were cut short when he heard rustles coming from the darkness in front of them and soon cloaked figures emerged from the shadows. The second they stepped close enough, Seonghwa could smell the stench on them, the stench of dead dragons. "Dragon hunters," he muttered to himself, highly alert and swiftly pulling Wooyoung back against him. It didn't even matter to him that Wooyoung was thrashing like crazy, sounds and words from Wooyoung's mouth muddled together, making him incoherent. While this just made Seonghwa panic more, as his brain immediately thought of ways how he could get both himself and the inconsolable younger dragon out of there safely, the hunters seemed to find Seonghwa's state of panic highly amusing.

One of the hunters took his hood down to reveal his face which was half hidden by a headpiece made from intricately placed dragon scales with sections that go down his jaw to his chin decorated with dragon teeth. It was highly disrespectful to wear the carcass of such majestic creatures like that but of course, those hunters don't care, the more ridiculous they looked the higher regard they got from their fellow hunters.

"Looks like we have our work half done for us, boys. We can get the crazy one to the Head of the Coven and have her turn him into a puppet for children's show or for the circus," he laughed with boisterous laughter following after him. "The taller one we can use for accessories. Did you see the colour of his scales? We'll make bank with a lot left for ourselves," the hunter's eyes zeroed in on Seonghwa as if Seonghwa was a treasure that he had been looking for.

Horror struck Seonghwa and dread washes over his body at the mention of his dragon form. It was his fault that the hunters found them, he led them here because he couldn't be bothered to take the hard way and be discreet as he looked for Wooyoung. Not to mention his stubbornness and need to prove himself that led to him not alerting the others that Wooyoung was gone and that he needed help was going to be the reason his other mates will blame themselves if anything were to happen to them both.

"Get them, but make sure you don't nick their skins, I want to make sure we can get the best price," the same man said simply, cockily looking down at Seonghwa and Wooyoung as if he was sure that he was going to get the both of them. His confidence effectively struck his companions positively as they soon took menacing steps forward, seemingly to corner Seonghwa. Between making sure he had a secure grip on Wooyoung and trying to find a way to escape, Seonghwa couldn't even estimate the number of hunters around them. Were there more? Are they surrounded? What weapons do they have? Which clan did they come from? What do they want? There were thousands of questions running through Seonghwa's head which didn't help with him concocting a way to escape.

For some reason, Seonghwa was calling to you in his head. It was odd, he didn't know what it was exactly that you could've done and to be quite frank, he had always mocked you for it, calling you useless and unnecessary because he couldn't be bothered to learn about your power. Despite that, he was calling for you in his head because he had a feeling that you would know what to do to deal with the hunters and even how to deal with Wooyoung and perhaps even calm him down a little. The grip Seonghwa had on Wooyoung was trembling slightly, he was slowly consumed with uncertainty and anxiety and he feared that the hunters must have had something on them that made Seonghwa feel like so. According to their words, they must have had witches living among them and they have been helping these hunters capture dragons. He could only assume that those witches are powerful too because Seonghwa felt his legs trembling and his chest tightening, he was slowly being overcome with anxiety and while he was still able to function, Wooyoung was wailing. With each step the hunters took closer to them, the more sure Seonghwa was that it would be the end of him and Wooyoung. His grip slipped ever so slowly but he still tried to hold on to the younger dragon, he wanted to hold on. Because however, the situation will end, he wanted to be selfless and be there for the mate that needed him.

When a sound popped out from the left side of the hunters, Seonghwa was damn near using the last of his sanity to turn into his dragon form and breathed fire at whoever made that sound. But it was a good thing he didn't because he immediately recognized you standing there, looking seemingly harmless but he noticed the determination in your eyes and it was enchanting.

"And what the fuck are you supposed to be?" One of the hunters scoffed at you, thinking that you must be a joke.

With a raised eyebrow, you whipped Weiss out and shoved both hands into your skirt pockets. "The last thing you'll ever see, unfortunately," in a split second, your gaze shifted to Seonghwa and though you spoke in a low, almost whisper-like tone that seemed to sound louder than it actually is and echoed in his ears, "Duck"

As soon as Seonghwa's front side made contact with the ground with Wooyoung in his death grip, he heard something sizzling that was followed by the smell of something burning and men screaming around him. Seonghwa couldn't look around as the sound of men screaming into the night was deafening and it caused his body to freeze in utter shock. The only thing he could see was you standing a little far away from him and Wooyoung, face emotionless with hands covered in a thin layer of white powder and your chest slightly heaving. Seonghwa didn't know what was happening and frankly, he was rather hesitant to find out because whatever it was you did wasn't good.

Your eyes met Seonghwa soon and his stomach dropped, he had never seen you like that before and he suddenly felt the urge to say a lot of things to you. He wasn't sure what those things were, but he knew there was too much to say. He was about to get up and run to you when you lifted a hand to him and shook your head, "Run," you said simply, taking small steps to inconspicuously return to the safety of the shadows. Though he wouldn't admit it out loud, Seonghwa felt his heart clench when you told him to run, to go AWAY from you instead of TO you. He could only assume that you would be happy that he finally wanted to be close to you but instead you were acting so cold and dismissive towards him. The screams of men in pain snapped Seonghwa back to reality, however, realizing that all of the hunters were in fact distracted enough that they wouldn't even attempt to follow him if he were to safely return home. You had provided him with an escape.

So Seonghwa did what he thought he should do despite the aching feeling of uncertainty about whether or not he or any one of his mates would see you again, he had to prioritize and at that moment, Wooyoung seemed more important than anything else. He grabbed Wooyoung and moved to pull him up despite him wailing for you, calling out your name and trying to claw his way out of Seonghwa's grip. "Wooyoung, snap out of it!" without hesitance, Seonghwa slapped Wooyoung across his face which seemed to stun him enough to focus on Seonghwa, "We need to get out of here! We don't have time to spare or chances left!" Desperation palpable in his voice and the eyes that conveyed a thousand emotions finally penetrated into Wooyoung's mind and for the first time in weeks, he was able to give a sound response. Slowly, Wooyoung nodded and stood up, wincing as he realized just how sore and weak his body was while Seonghwa followed suit. Hastily, Seonghwa pulled Wooyoung further away from the group of wailing men, "You need to turn and fly away home, okay? Call for help, and I'll distract them as best as I could to make sure they don't follow you," Wooyoung opened his mouth to say something but Seonghwa raised his hand to stop him, "You are in no condition to argue with me, just trust me and do as I said."

Of course, even with Seonghwa's order, Wooyoung's heart still yearns for you, he wanted to be with you after being separated for so long. Hoping that he would be able to make eye contact with you, Wooyoung glanced to where you were standing only to be met with the sight of shadows casting through the woods. "Go!" Seonghwa growled, pushing Wooyoung slightly away when he only stood still. Reluctantly, Wooyoung shifted and flew back as quickly as he could to the castle, roaring in the air in hopes that someone from the clan heard him.

Seonghwa was too preoccupied with making sure that Wooyoung was okay that he neglected to see the leader of the hunter group coming at him with an obsidian blade. He only realized what was happening when he caught his shadow moving from the corner of his eyes and even then, Seonghwa knew that it was too late for him, he was going to be stabbed with a poisonous blade and he could potentially die. Things started to move in slow motion and his eyes closed, defeated, as he waited for the pain to strike him whilst he continuously reassured himself that even though he was going to die, he managed to get Wooyoung to safety first.

The sound of the blade taking flesh in between flesh was gut-wrenching to Seonghwa and he could only imagine how the stone would interact with his dragon blood, turning everything toxic and rotting his flesh from the inside out.

He waited and waited, but the pain never came. When his eyes finally opened, he was beyond shocked to see you in front of him, the blade nesting in your right shoulder as you stared up at the hunter dead in the face. There were a lot of things that Seonghwa didn't expect from you and on the very top of that list were you jumping in front of danger for him, putting your life at risk for him. He expected you to do that for the others, even Hongjoong (since he's the clan leader), but not him. Never him.

"Wrong move," you spat and before either he or Seonghwa could react, you pressed your powder-covered hands to his face. Then Seonghwa saw it, he saw the man's face sizzling under your touch in the areas where his dragon scale helmet was and around its area. As if it wasn't enough, you mumbled spells that soon caused blood to leak from the man's eyes, his pupils constricting to the point that they were mere dots as his throat vibrated with the agonizing cry he let out.

Only when the man dropped to the ground at your feet that you let your arms fall to your sides. Slowly, you turned to Seonghwa and Seonghwa could see the more relaxed expression on your face. Then his gaze dropped to your body, specifically to your blood-drenched hands. He didn't know whether it was the hunter's blood or yours, everything was just too messy for him to see clearly and he didn't even know where to start looking. "(y/n)..." he called out reaching out to take your arm in his grip gently but you scurried away abruptly as if you were scared, you would've continued if it wasn't for the tree that you accidentally hit, making you wince from the pain of the blade. "Please don't kill me," you whimpered slightly, inching to the side of the tree in hopes that you could make a quick exit. The words somehow struck Seonghwa deeply, he was well aware that he was the one who threatened to kill you in the first place but he never realized that you would be so affected by it. The fear in your eyes when you looked at Seonghwa without the safety of hunters to excuse your presence somehow bothered him. Just a couple of weeks ago Seonghwa would've taken great pride in instilling such crippling fear into you, but now he just hated how you wanted to get away from them now. From him.

"You're hurt..." Though his voice was wavering slightly, Seonghwa tried his best to keep a strong front, wanting to show that he wasn't letting his emotions get the best of him. And it worked, you only took further steps away from him because you felt that he was being so stoic and perhaps he was giving you a false sense of security just to trap you and kill you. So you quickly shook your head at him, not wanting his words to influence your decision to go back into hiding and plan a better strategy to protect them.

With every faltering step back you took, Senoghwa seemed to want to follow and it scared you. He wasn't taking more steps than you but his strides were longer. Right then and there, you could feel a pull to him, a pull that you've experienced with Wooyoung and again with Yeosang when he finally opened his heart to accept you romantically. The feeling was warm and comforting, reassuring of your safety and life despite the poison that was entering your bloodstream. You had been so focused on Seonghwa that you didn't even notice the little trick the leader hunter pulled to ensure incapacity towards any of his enemies, dragons or not. The poison he used was deadly to dragons, capable of paralyzing them in 30 seconds and completely killing them in 20 minutes. While it wasn't as deadly to humans, you didn't have much time until you grow weak in your tent and die slowly for days whilst locked in your own body, able to feel everything but unable to do anything.

Thinking that the chicken dance you and Seonghwa were doing could last a while, you decided that you should just make your escape so you could treat your wound as soon as possible. With a smile thrown at Seonghwa, your feet took their position to run, "I'm glad you both are safe." Seonghwa's body went into an immediate state of panic as he heard you say that, alarm bells started going off in his brain knowing that that was your way of saying goodbye. He had been so determined to find you and bring you home, how could he just let you go? It wasn't like he was trying to force you to come with him or even kidnap you, but he wanted to bring you back home where you belong. The home that Seonghwa had so selfishly taken away from you and for what, pride? In the name of trauma? Nothing could excuse his behaviour and that was why he wanted to make sure that he could make up for it. And he couldn't do it when the person he wanted to make up to isn't there.

As you turned around to flee, you felt something shoot up your spine and your vision turned black. The pain made you want to scream and you could've sworn you were screaming in pain. But in reality, your face was lax and your body swayed to the side, gravity doing its job pulling you to the ground when all strength left your body. The last thing you hear was the sound of someone calling your name, then a couple more that was followed by flaps of wings and rushed steps. You must've imagined things. Out of all, however, Seonghwa's voice was more prominent and you could've sworn the palm that supported your head as you fell belonged to him. Well, you must've been beyond delusional which means the poison was doing such a marvellous job. This was maybe the sound that was sending you off to the afterlife and to be honest, you could be hearing worse.

Now all you had to do was welcome what comes next.

Whatever it was.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

"Hyung?"

Seonghwa's head snapped up to the door when he heard someone calling for him. The door to your room was shut with a heavy thud and Mingi came walking in with some things in his hands. "I thought you were told to rest," the younger sighed, displeased that his older mate was disregarding the words of healers who had instructed Seonghwa to take it easy on himself. Seonghwa shook his head as his gaze dropped back to the woman sleeping on the bed, looking like a corpse with how she was unmoving and unresponsive but still alive as indicated by the flush on her cheeks and lips. Since when do Seonghwa think of you like that?

Though Mingi was worried for him, Seonghwa only waved a hand dismissively at him, "No, I... I put her in this situation, I should take care of her."

When Seonghwa brought you back to the castle, not only were his mates up and about due to Wooyoung's warning (and being absolutely surprised that Wooyoung was functioning normally), but they were preparing to save you and Seonghwa. So when they saw Seonghwa in your arms, they thought that you had died. Chaos ensued when Seonghwa reassured everyone that you weren't dead but were definitely dying if you weren't treated immediately. Coming to his senses first, Yunho scooped you from Seonghwa's arms and carried you to the house of the head healer just outside the castle area followed by Yeosang who regained some strength at the mention of you and also Wooyoung. As soon as you were out of sight, Seonghwa dropped to his knees, legs lost all strength as tears poured out of his eyes, coating the skin of his cheeks in a glittery sheen. That was when he grabbed Hongjoong's hands and confessed to what he did, how he threatened to end you because he thought you helped orchestrated an attack. He confessed how he almost did kill you that night, how he single-handedly exiled you because he thought he was doing what was best for everyone. He confessed how it was his fault Yeosang and Wooyoung almost lost their minds and how the others were suffering, not realizing that it was because their mate was told to stay away from them.

That night Seonghwa received nothing but confused, cold glances from his mates even as he was being patched up. It wasn't that they hated him for what he did nor were they mad, it was just the fact that Seonghwa kept such a big secret from them. Moreover, after Wooyoung recounted how you had saved him and Seonghwa from out of nowhere which prompted them to ask Seonghwa how you got stabbed by an obsidian blade. Of course, Seonghwa told them everything, he told them about how you jumped in front of him with no hesitance which saved him completely from danger. Then there was a conversation of dragon's honour, how they should never bite the hand that fed them (literally or not). Mingi was the first to innocently bring up the fact that you had been but nice and generous to Seonghwa but he had only returned your kind gestures in utter disdain. Hongjoong defended Seonghwa by saying that despite his actions, he did not break a dragon's honour as you had never saved his life before. Then surprisingly, Jongho backed Mingi up by saying that the dragon's honour doesn't only apply to live-saving situations, it also applies to general, mundane situations which prompted Hongjoong to snap at the youngest, saying something along the lines of "If I remembered correctly, you wanted to stake and burn her to see if, and I quote, 'she smells like rotting eel like the rest of her coven' when she first came to us" which was not received well by Jongho.

Now, five days later, you were still not up but the tension amongst his mates had died down and things had started to turn for the better. The warriors were less antsy and got even more confident with the additional good news that Yeosang was finally cleared to come back on duty 3 days ago. Wooyoung was once again able to function normally, returning to his studies with the healers whilst sharing the recipes he learnt from you during the time you lived together. Hongjoong was finally able to calm the council and was able to address the questions regarding the citizen's safety with more assurance. Mingi brought the good news that you were back to the hatchlings and they were more than elated, immediately asking Mingi when they could see you again which made him so happy. And Seonghwa felt much more at ease with knowing that you were there with him, knowing that they were once again whole despite your comatose state. One thing for sure though, you were never left alone without anyone's watch. Wooyoung, Yeosang, and Mingi had taken it upon themselves to sleep in your room with you with Mingi dragging a (not so) begrudging Yunho with him. Jongho would only stand guard outside your door in the afternoons when everyone else was too busy with their own duties while San would stand guard inside your room but away from you, both were still feeling awkward because they had been so bad towards you and they didn't feel their fussing over you would be justified. Hongjoong would keep watch from afar and through his staff, asking questions directly to the healers or (not so) casually asking the members on watch about your condition during their supper. Seongwha remained a constant by your side though, adamant about being there when you woke up. He would do his duties from his seat and only leave when absolutely necessary and even then, he would rush and make sure someone was in the room with you.

Whilst keeping watch on you, Seonghwa made the realization that you were the difference that they needed. It could be because of the fact that you were destined to be mated with all eight of them, but it was also possible that it was because you were... you. Never had he experienced such a drastic difference that happened with a person's absence and presence. It was as if you forged their life force, your mere presence elevated their energy in more ways than one. He had been a fool to let his ego cloud his judgement.

Mingi walked towards you with a gentle smile on his face, his hand gently placing a flower crown on top of your head, "Hi there, I... made this when I took the hatchlings outside to learn about nature. They missed you so much," he wanted to say how he missed you too, but the presence of Seonghwa only made him swallow his own words. Mingi then turned to the older male, sighing when he saw his eyes busily darting through scrolls for different businesses that Seonghwa needed to tend. "I'm worried for you, hyung," Mingi confessed, eyebrows scrunched in slight frustration at the older's stubbornness. "I said I'm fine," Seonghwa sighed, putting his scrolls down on the desk next to him to look at Mingi with a small smile, "Don't worry about me, okay? I know my limits and I just want to make sure (y/n) comes out of this okay," he reassured him. It seemed like Mingi wanted to say something, but the stare Seonghwa gave him made him shut his mouth as if telling him it was pointless to argue with him, he wasn't going to budge. So Mingi simply nodded and left the room after giving your hand a gentle squeeze to return to his evening duties.

Once he was back alone with you, Seonghwa thought that it was best for him to focus back on completing his task, he was quite behind already and he didn't like leaving his duties like that. But as he was about to delve back into his scrolls, he couldn't help but look at your sleeping figure and his legs automatically took steps closer to you. Every time he looked at your face, he couldn't help but remember the frightened look on your face the day he almost killed you. While he used to find pride in it, now he couldn't help but be embarrassed of himself, embarrassed of how he threatened someone who bore no arms as it wasn't a noble thing of him to do no matter the person. Above that, he was embarrassed of himself for treating his mates' mate like that. The regret played over and over in his head as if to mock his lack of judgement and he knew he deserved it, he was willing to bear the shame brought by his own stupidity and more if it could bring you back. The healers kept reassuring him that you would be up but they couldn't really know when and that scared him, the uncertainty and vagueness only made him stress more.

With the gentlest of touch, he traced your hand that was resting on your stomach, flipping them over to graze over the burnt skin as he winced, imagining the pain you must've felt. Turns out, when you burnt that hunter's face with the powder you had, the direct contact made your own skin burn and while it will heal, the pain you must've endured was more than you should have felt. "I'm sorry..." tears built in Seonghwa's eyes as his eyebrows furrowed tightly, creating a crease in the space between, "When you get out of this, I'll make sure to pay you back a thousandfold, you hear me?"

The lack of answer made Seonghwa fall to his knees by your bed with your hands still in his grip. His face rested by your hip as he cried hard, body shaking and hands trembling with overwhelming emotions. Seonghwa didn't even know why he was crying, it wasn't like you were dead despite him seeing your unresponsive body. He was glad that you were back with him despite not knowing how you would react when you finally came to and realized that you were back in the dwelling of the person who claimed wanted you dead if you ever showed your face again. But he knew a lot of them wanted you there with them and he knew you knew that fact too whilst also knowing that before this, the majority of them disprove your existence amongst them and had even pulled petty pranks as hiding Weiss in the dungeons for three days which caused you to panic and even stated their disdain towards you and your kind right to your face. So really, what was Seonghwa crying about?

"I'm so sorry," Seonghwa's voice cracked from raw emotion like he never felt before, his cheeks wet with tears that dropped and pooled on your bed. He tried looking up at you again, but he couldn't bear the sight for long before he hunched over with his face on your stomach, crying even harder. His lips kept mumbling apologies like it was a prayer or a mantra, not knowing what else to say to you as he felt his transgressions towards you had really crossed all the lines that exist in the world. But even then, especially then, you showed him nothing but kindness and genuineness. Seonghwa gripped the blanket over your body and the shirt you were wearing tightly in his hands as if to anchor him to reality, whatever it was.

A sudden touch to his head stopped Seonghwa's cries almost immediately because he thought he was imagining things, maybe his mind was starting to play tricks on him. Seonghwa snapped his head to your face only to be greeted with the sight of you smiling gently at him, your eyes lively and smile like a fresh breath of spring that made his chest bloom. Then he felt your fingers carding through his hair slowly and gently as if the action was filled with nothing but affection.

"Purposeless tears can kill your fire, dragon. Why are you wasting them?" though your voice was cracked from the dryness of your throat, it still sounded melodious to Seonghwa.

For the first time ever since you knew all of them, Seonghwa cracked a smile, albeit a teary one. He gently took the hand that was on his head and pressed them to his lips before moving them to his cheek where he kept it to enjoy the warmth of your life with his thumb gently caressing the inside of your palm. The initial fear of you rejecting him died within seconds, now being proven that you only had love and care for him just by how you were gazing at him. Seonghwa didn't even care if it was his imagination or if it was the delusional side of his brain trying to compensate for his guilt because he was seeing actual proof in front of him. Proof that you woke up from him opening his heart to you.

"No one could kill you, my fire, I won't let anything kill you."

And you believed him.

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@chloepurpy @cutie-wooyo

[blueathens]

Before You Go - Act One

Superhero!Reader x Superhero!Charles Leclerc Reader x Charles Leclerc AU! - Fantasy/Adventure

Features: Other Known People (Mason Mount, Ruben Dias, Daniel Ricciardo, Pierre Gasly, Lando Norris etc (used all fictionally)) and self created characters too

Everyone is aged differently, and age-differences have been changed - follow the character profiles to understand more.

(Part of my Charles Universe)

Playlist

Writing Rule||Character List||Navigation||Masterlist  

synopsis ⇢ In an alternative universe where there are superheroes and supervillains, in world so different from ours. In this alternative universe Charles loves Y/n, the women who works been working in the same restaurant since she was sixteen, the very same women who cares and raises her younger brother, and the same women who hates the billionaire. Y/n’s heart however did belong to another, to a man who swung through the city every so often, saving their world with his grumpy companion, Ghost, and a few other heroes. Her heart belonged to Spider-Man.

When he’s not being a so called billionaire, and when she’s not being a waitress, they both become their secret identities, he Spider-Man, and her as Ghost.

(Charles loves Y/n, Y/n loves Spider-Man, but despite her love, she hides it when she’s Ghost and expresses that Ghost and Spider-Man were platonic companions, and she’s is only allowed to love Spider-Man when she’s herself)

Neither one knowing the other’s true identity - and maybe if they did, maybe things would be much easier for them - but in none of their universes do they ever experience an “easy” life.

This is for the ones who grew up thinking they would one day be a superhero like the ones in the comics. To the ones who grew up pretending to be superheroes, never realising they were now truly one. This is for those heroes who are fighting an invisible battle. I see you. And I’m proud - keep going! This is for our heroes.

main genres ⇢alternative universe, found family, mythical creatures au, mutual pinning, hurt/comfort, enemies to lovers, enemies to friends, platonic love, friends to lovers, childhood enemies to friends, soulmates, opposites attract, lovers in denial, superhero x superhero, fight to get back to you, secret relationship, complicated relationships, slow burn,

↳ fluff, angst and smut are all included into this series

warning ⇢ explicit content, graphic violence, gore, mature themes, strong language, death (including main characters, side character, minor characters), mental health and injuries, alcohol/drugs/smoking, references to my other “charles leclerc universes” from other series,

↳ please refrain if you are sensitive to any of these themes. Please also keep in mind that not all warnings may be listed above - all warnings though fit into the series.

note ⇢ updates will be once a week, the day of the week has not been decided yet or what time it will come out on those days. Those will sorted once planning is completed. I’m hoping this will get me out of my many months worth of writes block :)

↳ to be informed when there’s an update, you can either turn @blueathens notifications on, or ask to be added to the series’ masterlist.

status ⇢ planning and writing

act one blurb ⇢ Ghost is planning to retire - she is going to retire, or so she says. Charles is still falling deeply for the waitress who has disliked him since their childhood. And the world just has other plans for the friendly neighbourhood spider, and the hero who just wants a break.

o. teaser

i. chapter one: title name unknown -arriving soon-

ii. chapter two: title name unknown -arriving soon-

iii. chapter three: title name unknown -arriving soon-

[atopvisenyashill]

GOT MET GALA

gala theme: fits george’s worldbuilding, works in universe

event theme: DO I THINK ITS PRETTY

8. MARGAERY BLUE PATTERNED DRESS

I love the cut, I love the fashion they established in the Reach through the new cut, I love her long flowy hair making her look prettier but also kinda ~sultry and wild~ to appeal to Joffrey, I love the little belt thing too. It’s pretty, it fits the Tyrells, it fits the look Margaery is going for.

7. JON’S KING FIT

*kit voice* i like the wolf bit. aksjd. i really do love that Jon has the direwolf sigil on his gorget but Robb and Ned don’t - shows Jon is just a little unsure of his Starkiness too, and trying to emphasize it. I also love that they gave him a manbun, he really channels Sean Bean’s long hair even with his curls.

WORST DRESSED: DAENERYS IN QARTH

This girl has never served once in her life but this one was the worst. Why is that bit in the kiddle sticking out. Why is that purple going down between her legs. Why do those colors clash so bad. the whole thing is so bad and it looks funky to move in as evidenced by how deeply awkward Dany looks in it, when she moves much less awkwardly in her other more notoriously ugly outfits. Just bizarre choices all around here.

6. BRAN STARK THE LITTLE LORD

I know i’ve talked about how gorgeous the gorget is, but I also love that he’s wearing his fish pin. I think it’s cute that like Sansa, like Ned in the books, Bran is taking care to LOOK the part when he has to take on responsibility, and wants his mother’s house to be on display alongside his father’s. Considering we see him play with the pin, I wonder if it was a gift from Catelyn or if it straight up IS Catelyn’s that he just took when she left. Anyways, both look really good with his longish hair, and I loved his bangs in early seasons because they are always slightly greasy, and it reminds you how young Bran is (he don’t wash his hair well, like a lot of little kids!)

5. CERSEI LANNISTER ARMORED DRESS

the reason this one is imo superior to the other ones is because of the practicality of the fit. There’s a lot here gender & character wise, from the way her hair is done in a much more “soft feminine” way to the literal armor she’s wearing to set herself apart, the insistence on Lannister Colors Wlways, the silhouette is gorgeous and it just looks REALLY GOOD but! Considering she’s worried about them losing & plans to herself and Tommen over being captured, to focus on both her femininity to make her seem more weak while putting her in armor to make her seem strong, but giving her an outfit and hair style she can RUN in, she can DIE in, kicks it up into faves for me.

4. JOFFREY BARATHEON ARMOR

I love how he’s allergic to Baratheon colors & symbols, I love the crimson being used here, i love how ornate the armor is, I love how he has to have that gold and crimson pattern he loves even in battle on the bottom. Jack’s makeup is really well done here too, the black around his eyes makes him look small & petulant.

3. CERSEI’S REVENGE DRESS

The black/perpetual morning angle, while also evoking the Targaryens. The shoulders and ornamentation modeled off Tywin. The fuck ass bob. Really solid look that’s grounded in Cersei as a character & where she is emotionally, and it’s got a great silhouette. Cersei has other, more popular outfits but in my opinion, it’s her best fit in the show because it tells the entire story of her character up to this point, AND it looks good AND it even fits the more over the top style George likes with the gorgeous silver ornamentation.

SO CLOSE - Sansa’s Northern Furs

It’s the necklace. I hate that ficking necklace it ruins the whole look. It’s ugly, it clashes with the top, the bottom of the chain is so random, it tanks every single Sansa outfit bc it sticks out so bad. At least make it black iron or something why is it so silver.

2. Arya’s Ned Stark homage

I’ve talked about it before so I won’t go on too long but I love LOVE the way tbis outfit is like Arya Realized, Arya’s Final Form. Being able to model herself off her father, having Needle around her hip, really leaning into a style that looks good and looks practical, and fits her well. Not trying to pass as a boy, as Cat, as No One, as Nan, but being fully ARYA STARK.

1. SANSA DRAGONFLY GOWN SWEEEEEEEEP

Once again, I want this on my body. The sleeves, the front layering, the design, the COLOR. The way it evokes the prince of dragonflies & jenny of oldstones aesthetic!!! I love how much she looks her age here too - it’s not too revealing, it’s not too grown up, but it’s not too simple either, it’s perfect for a maiden. also bonus but i love shae’s dress i think it’s really underrated. i love how it matches most of the stuff in Sansa’s wardrobe, I love that her personal style is like “upscale peasant” and i love the layers that seem to keep her warm as it gets colder. they look so adorable sitting next to each other, justice for the shae/sansa relationship!!!

[myownau]

We’re a Family

Summary: part 2 of Alone Tonight. Robin returns from Europe

The Party has one last get together before the baby arrives

And the happy couple have a baby break.

Authors Note: When I wrote ‘Alone Tonight’ I intended for it to be a one shot. But to be embarrassingly honest, I realized after I posted it that I had totally forgotten about Robin! How could I forget about Steve’s platonic soulmate???

So this story was written to rectify that, and then for some reason I just didn’t stooop typing. So please enjoy this part 2! There will almost definitely not be any more parts. The end is wrapped up pretty completely so if there’s ever another part (don’t get your hopes up) it’ll just be a bonus story like the one at the very end. Haha.

The Ao3 link is pinned on page if you’d rather read it there or want to follow the series IF I ever do write more for this universe lol!

I also just want to say THANK YOU SO MUCH for all the positive feedback, the likes, and the reblogs. It means so much to me. I am so grateful to you all. I love this fandom. ❤️

“Are you sure I look okay?” You’re stood by the front door, wearing your favorite casual maternity dress. Bright yellow sunflowers adorning every inch of the soft fabric.

Steve comes out from the kitchen and looks you up and down with the biggest smile on his face. “Baby, stop it, you look gorgeous. It’s taking everything in me not to ravish you right here and now.”

You grab his arms and pull him as close as you can get with your giant baby bump pressed between you. “I’m serious Stevie. I’m so nervous.”

He pulls back and looks into your eyes, cupping your face with both hands, “What is there to be nervous about, Sweetheart? She’s going to love you.”

“But what if she doesn’t? What if she hates me. I know how close you two are, I know you’ll leave me if she doesn’t give me the seal of approval.”

Steve huffs a laugh. He leans in and kisses your nose. Your face scrunches up in a deep frown. “Luckily, you won’t have to worry about that, because she’s. going. to. love. you.” He kisses you softly on the lips, just a sweet bit of reassurance. “Plus, she practically loves you already. She would’ve protested the wedding if she didn’t.”

“Prot- what do you mean?”

“Well, I mean it’s not like I haven’t talked to her the whole time she’s been away. I wrote to her about you like 10 times just in the first week we met. And like you said about approval and all that… I mean we wouldn’t have been engaged, let alone married without her giving the okay.”

You playfully slap him in the arm, “what the heck Steven.”

“Oh come on, not my government name.”

You sigh deeply, “Alright well, I guess I feel a little bit better then.” You think for a moment in silence, “wait, you didn’t tell her about the whole reason we spent the night together did you?”

He grimaces, eyes scrunched up tight, “I mean I didn’t not tell her.”

“Oh my gosh-“ you grab the doorknob and charge out of the front door, “you swore you wouldn’t tell anyone.” You’re whining all the way down to the car, Steve following close behind you.

“I know baby, but Robins not just anybody.” Before you can get in the car he grabs you from behind and pulls you close to his chest. “She’s my platonic soulmate. I pretty much have to tell her everything ever or else one of us will die.”

“Mmm” you purse your lips “that’s a little over dramatic. But. It’s already out there so. As long as she doesn’t like blab to anyone else about it, or brings it up at all really, I think we’ll be okay.”

He kisses the top of your head and let’s go of you so he can open the door for you. The laugh that leaves his mouth is a little uneasy. “Yeah yeah, should be fine.”

—

The diner is fairly empty for a Friday night. You can’t help but smile as you remember the first time Steve brought you here. It was your first official date, just a couple days after what was meant to be a one night stand. He’d called the Byers-Hopper residence asking for you, when Will answered the phone. He’d wiggled his eyebrows at you as he handed you the phone, a little smirk on his face. That very night he’d brought you here and the rest was history.

“What’re you thinking of getting this time?” Steve asked, flipping through the greasy menu.

“Well,” you sighed, rubbing your stomach in wide circles, “Eddie really wants a strawberry milkshake. And a greasy bacon cheese burger. And fries. And mozzarella sticks. And a pickle. And-“

“Geez, sweetheart. Eddie wants a lot tonight huh?” He laughed, patting your leg under the table.

“I’ll be happy when these pregnancy cravings are gone. And when I’m, yanno, not pregnant anymore.”

He looks up at you, concern in his eyes. “I thought you liked being pregnant?”

“I do baby, I do. But once you hit 8 months it’s like. A lot. He’s so heavy, and my crotch hurts like all the time. And I can’t breath. And I feel like my stomachs going to explode sometimes. And Eddie keeps like kicking me… like for real, I thought he broke a rib last week.” You take a deep breath, “it’s just like a lot now, we’re so close to the finish line I’m just ready to evict the tenant yanno?”

“I’m sorry my love,” he kisses your cheek tenderly, “if I could do the last month for you I would.”

“I know you would, handsome. You’re so good to me.” You close the gap between your faces and kiss him deeply. He puts his arm around you to bring you closer to him in the tight booth.

“Gross.” You hear from behind you.

“Robin!” Steve exclaims. You scoot out of the booth as quickly as you can, Steve helping you with a hand on your lower back.

“Um, hi, Robin” you put your hand out to shake hers, “it’s so nice to meet you, I’ve heard so much about you!” Robin slaps your hand out of the way and brings you in for, what would be a crushing hug, if not for your belly.

“Not as much as I’ve heard about you, probably heard way too much about you honestly. But that’s okay because you make Dingus happy and that makes me happy. Seriously, very cool to meet you. Geez you’re huge.” Robin, you learn, is a rambler. Which you instantly love because you can be too. “How far along are you now?”

“8 months. Ready to pop this baby out already.”

“Bet Steve hasn’t been able to keep his hands off of you.” Robin smirks.

“You have no idea” you bit your lip, rubbing your tummy, “thought our sex life was wild before-”

“Gross,” she laughs lightly and clears her throat. “And you’re uh, you’re really naming him Eddie?” She asks, eyes a bit glossy.

“Yeah,” you smile down at your tummy, “Edward William”

“William? After Will?”

“Not- not exactly. Well, I mean yes and no.”

“Oh no, please tell me that’s not because of Billy?” She looks up at Steve who in turn puts his hands up in a defensive position and shrugs.

“Yeah. Well. I mean, I heard what a douche he was but- I’ve also heard about yanno- all the stuff that happened to you guys and- well he saved my sisters life.” You pause and look over at Steve and then back to Robins curious eyes. “I never even would’ve met Jane if not for Billy. And from what it sounds like, this whole town and even the world wouldn’t have made it without Jane so. Domino effect and all that. Felt like- well it felt like he deserved a bit of a tribute too, yanno?”

“Yeah, yeah you’re right.” She pats your arm. When she turns to look at Steve it seems like he can’t take it anymore, he’s bursting at the seems to be close to his platonic soulmate. He moves in on Robin in an instant and swoops her up in his arms, spinning her around in a bear hug. “Missed you, can’t believe you left me all alone for 5 years. Come on and sit. Tell us about Europe.”

“Well it’s not like I left to just travel the world without reason. I was studying abroad!” She scoots into the booth across from you, ”Education and all that.”

“Whatever man, there’s colleges here, you abandoned me but that’s fine. Yanno, whatever, missed my wedding but that’s fine I guess.”

“Shut up” she laughed “at least I’ll be here for the birth of your child. I know that’s most important to you. Six little nuggets.”

“Yeah, that’s true.” He smiles over at you. “Okay, enough about us, let’s hear about all the trouble you got up to.”

“Alright alright fine… so, it’s one of my first nights in Paris and as I’m walking by this cafe I notice this girl staring at me from the balcony-“

—

Jonathan and Nancy’s house was the new hub for the Party. With everyone having moved out of their respective childhood homes, and some having moved out of Hawkins completely. It made sense that their house was the best meeting place, when everyone was back in town.

Plus, it was bigger than yours and Steve’s small 2 bedroom starter home. Not that you didn’t have the money for something bigger. You were a renowned artist in Indiana at this point, selling several Photobooks and even having gallery events every couple of years where large canvases of your photos were sold to the elite of the state and elsewhere. You two were just, saving up. Steve really did want 6 little nuggets. And you were happy to have them, but you both wanted to make sure your future home was large enough to house such a large brood.

The Byers home was fairly large, not too big but the living room was definitely sizable. Looking around the Party, you think they might have purchased this particular house with them in mind. It was unbelievably sweet how close everyone was, it made you feel so warm. Especially to see how welcoming they had been of you too.

In fact, this whole gathering was technically, for you. Well, for you and Steve and the birth of your son. One last movie night before babysitters and extra planning would have to be involved. As well as the fact that Dustin and Suzie had flown in from Utah, specifically to be here for when Eddie arrived. Everyone was here, and that meant party time.

Nancy was pattering about the kitchen, emptying bags of popcorn into several large bowls. You waddled in behind her, gripping the counter for some extra support. “Hey Nance, can I help you with anything?”

She looked up at you and smiled, “No no, y/n, I’ve got it!”

You pull out a stool from the island in the center of the large kitchen and climb onto it. Struggling a little bit, your balance off and swollen ankles doing you no favors. “Alright I guess I’ll just sit here then, and watch you, while my hands do nothing.”

She laughs, rolling her eyes “Alright fine, here, you can put all the candy into these individual bowls.” Bringing over two brown paper bags full of candy and a stack of small bowls.

“Good grief, it’s like we’re feeding an army of small children.”

“We pretty much are,” she sighs as the timer goes off on the oven. She puts her oven mitts on and grabs the tray of chicken nuggets. Plopping them on the stove top.

“So,” you grab the first bag of candy and start pouring it into the porcelain bowl “Did you think Steve would be the first in the Party to have kids?”

“Yes. We all knew he would actually.”

“Oh? Even when he was single though? I mean, Dustin and Suzie were married first, then you and Jonathan and then Max and Lucas, and then me and Steve… were last, so far anyway.”

“Well that’s true” Nancy starts, grabbing her spatula and transferring the nuggets onto a serving platter. “But Steve’s the only one in the Party who just wholeheartedly couldn’t wait to be a parent.”

You’re smiling down at the bowls of candy in front of you. “He’s going to be an amazing father.”

“He is,” she agrees. “He was a great older brother to these kids growing up. You should’ve seen him. Especially with Dustin.”

“I wish I would’ve been around then. Hearing your stories, seeing the closeness between everyone. It’s so beautiful.” Your eyes well up with tears “You’re like a family, but like more than that even. I feel so blessed to even be allowed in.”

“Oh y/n are you okay?” Nancy rushes around the island over to your stool. She rubs your back as you start to cry.

“I’m fine I promise,” your chest heaving “it’s the hormones I swear.”

“You are our family y/n. And we are so happy to have you. You make Steve so happy, and you’re giving him a gift that he’s always wished for. If anyone’s blessed, it’s us.” She grabs your hands and helps you down off the stool, “why don’t you go to the bathroom and get cleaned up and I’ll meet you out in the living room with all the food okay?” You nod, realizing your mascara must’ve been running down your face.

—

The half bath is right across the hall from the living room. You could hear everyone chatting, laughing and catching up as you wipe your cheeks free of the dark streaks of watered down mascara. You’re not trying to eavesdrop, but with nothing else to focus on you end up listening in on Steve, Robin, and Jonathan’s conversation. Especially when it becomes clear they’re talking about you.

“Wait so how did you two meet again?” Robin asks.

“In the second semester of my first year, she was in my Lighting and Exposure class. We had to do a project with a partner and she just walked up to me and asked if I wanted to work with her.” Jonathan said with a nervous tremor. “I was a little hesitant at first but she wouldn’t really take no for an answer and I didn’t know anyone in the class so.”

“She is a stubborn one isn’t she?” Steve laughed.

“Yeah” Jon mused.

“And just like that you were friends?” Robin seemed a little skeptical that that was the end of the story.

“I mean yeah, we worked on the project together and learned we had a lot in common so we started hanging out more. Introduced her to Argyle after a while and yeah… we were inseparable after that I guess.”

Steve stayed quiet, you knew he was the jealous type. Like an excitable guard dog. Thankfully he wasn’t one to growl until it seemed like there truly was an intruder but the silence meant he was watching. Waiting. Protective of his little family.

He’d never been jealous of your friendship with Jonathan, even knowing how you used to feel about him. He knew you and Jonathan were still close. He seemed very secure in your relationship. But hearing about the time before him seemed to make him uncomfortable.

“So what about that semester when you and Nancy were broken up? You never thought about, like asking y/n out? Or were you never attracted to her that way?”

You almost burst out of the bathroom with that line of questioning. What the hell was Robin trying to do? But you were curious too, so you stayed as quiet as you could in the bathroom, ear practically pressed flush with the door.

“Uh” Jonathan coughed, “I guess I just always saw her as more of a sister.” Oh that stung.

“Damn. Poor girl never even had a chance with you.”

You froze. All the blood leaving your face.

“What do you mean? Never had a chan- she never, wait, did she say something-“

“Damnit Robin.” Steve sighed heavily.

Their voices seemed to fade, like Steve was dragging her away. “I said too much again, didn't I? I’m so sorry Steve, please don’t tell her. Oh my-“

—

You flushed the toilet and washed your hands, having spent too much time in the bathroom now to have just been wiping your face, or even just peeing. You were mortified. But you had to go out there like nothing was wrong, like you didn’t hear your husband's best friend expose you to your best friend.

You exited the bathroom to find everyone sitting down on the couches and piles of pillows on the floor. Steve was sitting near the center of the main sofa, Robin on one side and an empty spot for you on the other. You waddled over to the couch and slowly lowered yourself into the open seat. Exhaling in relief when he pulled your aching feet into his lap to rub them.

“Whiiiipped” Dustin whispered from the floor. Suzie slapped him hard in the chest “ow. Sorry geez.”

“I think it’s sweet Dusty, you’re not going to rub my feet when they start to swell?”

“Of course I will honey. I’ll do whatever you need to be comfortable.” He kisses her on the cheek.

“Now who’s whipped,” Steve mumbles.

You look down at the couple, confusion written on your face. You’re not sure if they realize what they have just confessed. “Suzie, are you..?”

She smiles wide and just nods. The whole room goes nuts with excitement and congratulations.

“That’s amazing Suz I’m so happy for you! Looks like we won't be the only parents in the Party for long.” You nudge Steve with your shoulder. He looks like he’s about to burst into tears. His first child, his little brother, about to be a parent himself. He couldn’t be more proud.

“Who's next?” You ask, looking around the room.

“Probably you again.” Mike laughs.

“Let me have this one first before even thinking about the next one Mike. Geez. Give my uterus a break.” You huff, “but damned if I don’t agree, it’s going to be me or Suzie again. Or there will be a long break and it’ll be Nancy.”

“That would be a very long break” she chuckles, “Jonathan and I agreed, no kids until I’m further in my career. Probably will be a long long time.”

“Whenever you’re ready! Don’t let anyone push you to have them sooner.”

“Did Steve push you to have one so soon?” Max asked, curiosity getting the better of her.

A devious smile creeped up your lips, “oh I didn’t have a choice, but it wasn’t because he pushed me into it, it’s because of his massive d-“

“PLEASE,” Will called out from beside Mike, “not again. I beg you. We’ve heard enough about Steve’s” he gestured wildly with his hands “stuff.”

You can’t help but laugh, Steve joining in, squeezing your ankle in the process. “I’m just joking. We made the choice together as a couple. We were just ready,” you look up into Steve’s warm loving eyes, “Steve’s always been ready, you all know that. So he waited patiently for me. But it didn’t take too long, obviously. I just couldn’t wait to have a little Steve running around.” He kisses you softly when you finish.

—

When the second movie ends, everyone gets up and stretches their legs. Some rushing to the bathroom, some grabbing the bowls of popcorn and candy, others cleaning up the trash. You’re still sitting on the couch, perks of being weighed down by a tiny human, when Jonathan approaches.

He rubs the back of his neck, tremor in his voice as he says, “Hey y/n so I’ve got a project I’ve been working on, I’d like to show you now if that’s okay?”

“Sure,” you smile and offer both your hands to him “but you’ll have to get me up first.”

He grabs your hands and yanks you up out of the soft sofa. “When are you due again? Feel like you’ve been pregnant forever.”

“Me too. Due date is a week from now but the doctor said it could be any day now.” He leads you up the stairs to the second floor where he’s converted one of the spare bedrooms into his own little darkroom.

The window in the room is completely blacked out. Covered by a piece of plywood painted black. No light getting through, it’s perfectly snug. He flips on a light and the red bulb flickers to life in the middle of the room. You waddle in, taking in the scenery as your eyes adjust to the darkness. He shuts the door behind you. In the dark it’s almost impossible to see where he is. The red light not much help.

“This is amazing Jonathan. Now we won’t have to drag everything to and from the Arts center anymore.”

“Yeah,” he huffs a laugh “I figured that would be a lot more difficult now, with the baby and everything.”

“You.. didn’t do this for me… did you?”

“No, well” he takes a deep breath, “not just for you. I did it for us.”

“Oh”

“Not like that,” he rubs his hand across his face, “I mean like, shit. I just meant that I knew you’d have a hard time dragging a baby to the Arts center and well, I wouldn’t want to go without you and knowing that you weren’t there because you couldn’t go. Not because you didn’t want to be there. And you’re my best friend and I want you to be happy. I want to be able to still see you and do the thing we love, together.”

“Jonathan,” you find him in the darkness, giving his arm a squeeze “that’s so sweet. Thank you. This means a lot.”

“Of course.” He clears his throat, “I did uh, I did want to ask you about something though.”

Your heart drops to your stomach. You knew what he was going to ask about. You’d hoped maybe he’d just forget about it though. “Sure” you whisper.

“I was talking to Robin earlier and she said something that confused me.”

“Sounds like Robin” a nervous giggle choking out of you. You cough awkwardly into your fist and wait. Leaning on the table next to you.

Jonathan mimics you in the dark, leaning his hip against the table and placing his hand flat against it. “You never like, had a thing for me…did you?”

You breathed out a heavy sigh. Weighing the pros and cons in your head. If you lied to him you would always have this pressure on your chest. You never lied to him, he was the closest person to you, after Steve of course. But would it ruin your friendship if you told him the truth?

You knew there wasn’t really a point in weighing your options. There was only one really choice here. You were always going to be honest with him. “Yeah. Yeah I did have a thing for you. Of course I did.” Your laugh was breathy, full of nerves. You weren’t ready to lose your best friend. Your family.

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?” He inched his fingers towards yours on the table. Barely brushing against your fingertips.

“Well, I thought I was dropping hints there for a while but you never really picked up on them I guess? And then you and Nancy got back together so I just decided that you know. It doesn’t matter now.”

“Dropping hints? Y/n I’ve never known you to drop hints. You usually just say whatever you’re thinking. Bold and stubborn and loud.”

“Those don’t sound like compliments.”

“Trust me,” he slipped his hand over yours and squeezed. “They are.” He laughed a little under his breath, “I can’t believe you used to like me.”

“Jonathan” your chest was tight, “I didn’t just used to like you. I was in love with you.”

“You, you loved me?” He sounded so taken off guard. Like he didn't even think for a second that was a possibility.

“I did. Well, I still love you of course. Im just not IN love with you anymore. But it doesn’t matter now. And honestly, I’m so glad things turned out the way they did. You and Nancy are perfect for each other. And if it wasn’t for your wedding I never would have met the love of my life. And I wouldn’t be having this baby. And I wouldn’t take any of it back.” You took in a deep shuddering breath, “everything worked out exactly the way it was supposed to.”

He squeezed your hand again and let go, “You’re right. I wouldn’t change anything either. But I do wish I would’ve known. Maybe I could’ve made things easier on you. Pulled back on the PDA or something. Or maybe even introduced you to Steve sooner.”

“There’s no telling if I’d be with Steve now if I’d met him sooner. We only went home together because we were both sad about the people we loved getting married…”

“Oh come on y/n” you heard a voice muffled from outside the door.

“Shit. Pretend I didn’t say that. Please please forget I said that.” You yelled back at Jonathan as you ran to leave through the dark room door.

“You heard everything huh” you said as you met Steve in the hallway.

“Yeah.” He looked down at his shoes. “Didn’t mean to eavesdrop or anything. Just came up to see if you were ready to go.”

“I’m sorry I spilled your secret. I was only trying to explain my side. Didn’t mean to throw you under the bus with me.”

He looked down at you, hand coming to your cheek, forehead pressing to yours. “It’s okay sweetheart. You said some really pretty things in there. And I want you to know that, I wouldn’t change a thing either.” He kisses you gently.

“I love you so much baby.” You whisper against his mouth.

“I love you too. More than anything.”

—

Edward William Harrington was born 2 days later. Ten fingers and ten toes. A full head of hair, thanks Steve. So so tiny. The most beautiful little thing you had ever laid eyes on.

Steve sat close next to you on the hospital bed, holding little Eddie in his arms. He hadn’t stopped silently crying since you’d handed the bundle over to him. You’d never seen the man happier than in this moment. “He’s perfect.” Steve whispered.

“He really is.”

“I should call my parents.”

Your face scrunched up, “I guess you should. You called Joyce and Hopper already right?”

“Yeah, yeah they’re in the waiting room. I’ll go get them, just- just want a few more minutes to admire our little guy before the chaos.”

“Okay, big boy. Take all the time you need.”

He leans down and kisses your forehead. “I’m just overwhelmed,” he takes a shuddering breath, laughing on the exhale “Didn’t think it was possible to be this happy.”

“Me either.” Your cheeks hurt from how hard you’re smiling, “Feels like a dream. Well, all this with you and the baby I mean. My vagina does not feel like a dream. It feels very much real.”

—

When Mr. and Mrs. Harrington arrive, you have your best fake smile plastered across your face. You hadn’t seen them since the baby shower and you didn’t want to see them now. But keeping up appearances was the Harrington way.

“Would you look at that.” Mrs. Harrington said, voice low as she walked over to the bed. “He is gorgeous.”

“He is isnt he?” Your rocking him lightly in the crook of your elbow. Watching as he sucks on his own lip.

“How was the labor?” She asked. And you looked straight up to Steve. His face instantly fell into a grimace. Knowing she’d walked right into this one.

You look up at her and smile, “well, it wasn’t too bad actually. Steve’s cock is roughly the size of a newborn baby so Eddie just kinda slipped right out.”

She snapped her head to look at Steve, anger written all over her face, “why do you let her talk to me this way?”

Steve pinched the bridge of his nose, hand on his hip. “I don’t control my wife, mom, she’s her own person. I don’t ‘let’ her do anything. She has free will.” He pauses and sighs, “and you did call her a whore at our baby shower.. so.”

“Well I don’t like her foul mouth.”

“Okay mom, well, it’s either put up with it or never see your grandson. What’ll it be?”

You smiled at her, all teeth when she looked back at you. “Fine.” she said through gritted teeth.

“I’ll try to clean up my mouth Mama Harrington. As long as you promise to be a good and kind grandparent, and remember your place. I am Eddie’s mother. I make the choices in how to raise him, as well as Steve. Not you.”

—

After your in-laws left, Steve put your sleeping baby boy in his little bassinet and sat back on the bed with you again. Kissing your hair and rubbing your shoulders. “I couldn’t have asked for a better husband.” You look up at him as he leans in to kiss you gently. “You’re always standing up for me. Even when I say the most disgusting things to your parents.”

“Well. I mean they deserve it.”

“I know, and that’s why I do it. A little payback for being such shitty parents to you.”

“I’m honestly so grateful for it. I’ve never had someone care for me the way you do. Can’t believe how lucky I got with you.”

“You’re gunna get lucky with me. Soon as that 6 week mark hits. Gunna get lucky with me a lot.”

Steve laughs, squeezing your shoulder “Oh I know it baby, Im looking forward to it.”

“This is going to be the longest time we’ve gone without having sex.”

“Mmhm, it’s gunna be hard to keep my hands off of my sexy wife.”

“Don’t worry big boy, I’ll still blow you.” You bite your lip as you slide your hand up his thigh. “We can’t have penetrative sex but no one said anything about me giving you oral.”

Steve swallows hard, “Shit sweetheart, that mouth is always trying to get me in trouble.”

“So you’re saying yes to the blow job?”

“Oh no no, baby I honestly think we’re going to be too tired to even think about all that once we get home,” He places his hand on your cheek and pulls your face to look up at him, “and I'm honestly not interested in any of that unless you’re also receiving.”

“Mm my sweet selfless man.”

“Well it’s not completely selfless, I get off to you getting off.”

“Ugh fuck, I’m going to drop this conversation right here. My crotch hurts too much to think of mutual gratification.”

Steve kisses you softly on the tip of your nose, “I know my love, get some rest okay?” He gets off the bed gently and sits in the recliner next to the bassinet, “might as well get some sleep while he’s sleeping.”

—

2 months later

Raising a newborn as sweet and quiet as Eddie was a joy. A blessing. A surprise to say the least. Motherhood came easy to you and fatherhood even easier to Steve. He was your whole world. But because of this, you and Steve had not had a second to yourselves.

“I swear Nancy, every single time I try and touch Steve in any way, Eddie starts crying. And I’m not complaining about taking care of my sweet little bundle of joy. He’s so easy to care for, but his timing is crazy.” You let out a deep sigh, hugging the phone closer to your ear “last night, I cuddled up against Steve not 5 minutes after laying Eddie down in his bassinet, and I’m thinking okay, okay here we go. I’m not kidding okay, the moment- the very second I kiss his neck, Eddie starts wailing. It’s like he has a little alarm in his brain for when mommy and daddy want to love on each other.”

Nancy laughs, “That does sound like a rather unfortunate dilemma.”

“It is, it really is. I was given the okay to resume marital activities two weeks ago and the farthest we’ve gone is kissing, no tongue, and a thigh grip.”

“A thigh grip? Who gripped who?”

“It was me, gripping myself because I’m deprived, but Eddie wouldn’t let me have that either.” You whine.

“How about you and Steve drop Eddie off here this weekend. Jon and I would love to watch that beautiful little angel baby.”

“Wait, are you sure? Oh Nancy, thank you. Please, yes.”

“Absolutely. We could use some practice anyway right?”

“Well you are welcome to practice with all of the kids we have until you have your own. Seriously, thank you.”

—

You’re staring down at your sweet little boy as you walk up the Byers residence. Admiring his thick brown hair, large dark eyes, and sweet little button nose. He’s looking up at you from the crook of your elbow and cooing.

The closer you get to the door, the more anxious you start to feel. You’ve never been away from Eddie for longer than 30 minutes, and that was just to shower. He was always in the same room as you, or one room over.

“Are you okay, baby?” Steve asks as you reach the door. He puts his hand on the small of your back.

You feel a tear slip down your cheek, “Yeah, yeah I’m just- I’ve never been away from him. I’m scared to leave him. What if something happens while we’re away and he gets hurt or sick and I won’t be there to take care of him.”

“Oh honey,” he wipes the tear from your cheek and pulls your head to lean on his shoulder, little Eddie cooing between you. “He will be perfectly fine. Nancy and Jon are going to take such good care of him. I trust them with my life, I know they will do everything in their power to keep our boy safe. I know they will.”

You nod, sniffling lightly. “Okay. You’re right. I know you’re right.”

You reach out and ring the doorbell. In less than 30 seconds Jonathan is there swinging the door open with the dopiest smile you’ve ever seen on him. “Hey!! Let me have him!!” Jon extends his arms out, making grabby hands.

He looks so happy you can’t help but hand the baby right over to him. Just like that the anxious feeling disappears, you know he’s in safe and loving arms.

“Hey Eddie,” Jonathan rocks him gently, “it’s me, Uncle Jonathan. Do you remember me? From the hospital?” Eddie’s little hand grips onto Jonathan’s finger, he squeals and flails his little arms.

“Thank you for doing this Jon,” you pat his arm, moving around him in the doorway to step into the foyer. “It means a lot to us.”

Steve puts the diaper bag down on the entryway table. “This is everything you’ll need. Y/n pumped enough milk for 2 days so you should have plenty. He’s not used to the bottle nipple so it might take a few tries to get him to drink from it. But otherwise, he’s super easy. He just eats and sleeps and does his cute little baby noises right now.”

“If he gives you any trouble, Mom said to just call her and she’ll come right over. I know you won’t though. But maybe just let Mom come over anyway, she’s been coming over like twice a week but I wouldn’t let her this week so she’s probably itching for a visit.”

Jonathan breathes a laugh, “Alright sounds good. Thanks for trusting us guys. We’ve really been looking forward to having this little one in the house.”

Steve squeezes your hip, wrapping his arm around you and pulling you close “alright I think that’s our cue to leave.”

You look down at Eddie in Jonathan’s arms. He’s started to blink slowly, falling asleep as you watch him. “Bye bye my love,” you whisper, leaning down to kiss his forehead, “be good for your uncle.”

When you move out of the way, Steve leans in to kiss him too, smoothing his hair from his forehead with his thumb. When he looks back at you, his eyes are glassy. You grab his hand and squeeze it.

“Have fun you two!” Jonathan calls as you walk out the front door.

Once you're both buckled into the car Steve looks over at you and clears his throat, “So- uh, when did you start calling Joyce mom?”

“Oh well, I guess it started just recently.” You smooth your hands over your soft blue dress. “She’s been a mother figure to me for years now, as you know. But with her coming over all the time now and calling Eddie her first grandchild, well, she is my mom. Yanno? And she is Eddie’s grandma and I don’t know. It just feels right to call her mom.”

Steve reaches out to you, grabbing your hand and squeezing your fingers gently, “That makes me really happy sweetheart.”

—

The hotel room is almost as nice as the room you stayed in for your honeymoon. You’d decided to stay in a hotel rather than going back to the house, because the house would just remind you of Eddie. And that would just lead to missing your baby. This was a little escape. A chance to spend uninterrupted time with your husband.

You're stalking around, checking out the room when Steve sneaks up behind you and wraps you in a bear hug. “It’s so quiet in here” he murmurs into your neck.

“Mmm, it really is. No music, no sweet baby sounds, no creaking rocking chair.”

“It’s just you and me sweetheart.” Steve starts kissing a line down your neck and over your shoulder, pulling the soft neckline of your dress out of the way.

“Yeah? And what do you wanna do with me now that you’ve got me all to yourself?”

He turns you around in his arms so you’re face to face with him, immediately kissing you hard and licking into your mouth without resistance. “Fuck” you moan into his mouth.

“I’m going to make love to you slowly,” he whispers into your mouth, “but not until after I fuck you.”

You let out a pathetic sounding whimper, clenching your thighs at the thought, “Please baby yes, it’s been too long. Want you to ruin me.”

He picks you up by your waist and throws you onto the bed in the middle of the room, crawling over you. His fingertips trail slowly up the length of your thighs, pushing your dress up as he goes. Steve’s eyes are black with desire. He leans up over you and whispers in your ear as he grips your mound in one hand, “I'm gonna make you cum twice on my tongue and then I want you to cum on my cock, understood?”

You feel the slick of your arousal spilling from you. The combination of not having sex in months and Steve’s words have you writhing against his palm. “Yes, Daddy, I understand” you whimper.

“Fuck, good girl.” he moans, “so fucking wet for me already. Can feel you soaking through your little panties.”

“Missed you touching me, Stevie” you mewl, you can’t stop thrusting your hips into his hand “Missed your fingers, and your tongue.” He takes his hand off your clothed cunt and starts to pull your underwear down with two fingers. “Mmm, I miss your gorgeous cock. Seeing you in the shower just isn’t the same. Need you warm inside me.”

He huffs a breathless laugh, biting his lower lip, “You didn’t find me sexy while I helped you and our son bathing in the shower?”

“It was sexy in a different way baby, like in a wow I’m so lucky to have such a loving attentive husband- ah” your sentence is cut off by Steve’s hot mouth on your neck, sucking a biting a bruise on your pulse point, “fuck, mmm this is a very different kind of sexy.”

He licks up the column of your throat to your mouth and hovers just above your kiss swollen lips, “I know baby I’m just teasing you” he smiles, pressing a quick kiss to your waiting lips and sucking your bottom lip into his mouth.

“I don’t know how much teasing I can take, I’m close to bursting. And I know that’s not the teasing you were talking about but fuck you’re doing both right now.”

Steve snorts, “awww my poor little girl needs me huh?” He mocks.

“Yes Daddy I really do” his eyes roll to the back of his head and bucks gently into you involuntarily. “If you’re gunna make me cum twice on your tongue big boy, then you better get started cause I need your cock. I. Need. It. I can’t take anymore build up, I’ll run out of fluid.”

Steve laughs and moves his hand back down to your aching cunt. He runs two fingers through your folds, “You’re so fucking wet” he says, bringing his fingers to his mouth and sucking them clean. You arch your back, writhing beneath him.

“Please please I really can’t do teasing right now, I need you.”

“Okay okay” he bites his lip, “so do you want my tongue at all then or do you just want me to fuck you?”

“I want your tongue later, we have all night. I need your cock now. I’m literally creating a puddle, I don’t need any foreplay. Foreplay was the drive over here, the anticipation was foreplay. Let’s go cowboy, put your monster in my cave.”

“Yes ma’am” he leans in to kiss you deeply before getting up off the bed and chucking his pants and boxers off at lightning speed. You rip your comfortable cotton dress off and throw it to the floor.

“Oh fuck there he is,” you moan reaching for Steve with grabby hands.

He crawls over you again, placing himself gently between your open legs, “you miss me? I was only gone for a second.” He says starting a trail of kiss from your clavicle up to your neck.

“You I see you all the time, I missed him” you say reaching down and grabbing his cock, giving it a little stroke. He starts a laugh but it’s strangled, a breathy exhale replacing it. “I haven’t seen him in months.”

Steve sits up suddenly, grabbing your legs by the thighs and pulling you closer to him. Lining himself up with your entrance he smirks up at you, slapping your wet cunt with his member, still teasing. Your hands fly up to his toned biceps, nails digging into his skin, babbling incoherently. You’re lost in desperation, painfully aroused and waiting, begging him to just fuck you already.

He pushes the head of his cock in, ripping an obnoxious moan from you both. And that does it, that pushes the playfulness out of Steve, at last taking his task seriously. He throws your legs over the crook of his arms and leans back over you. Kissing you forcefully before thrusting in all at once. Your scream is muffled by his mouth, tears already welling in your eyes. The onslaught of pleasure is overwhelming. “You okay baby?” He checks in, seeing your tears, “I didn’t hurt you did I?”

“No, no, no it feels so good. You’re so fucking big. Please, please move.”

He starts in a slow rhythm, it definitely feels more like making love than fucking and it’s overwhelming. Steve is looking right into your eyes and you're looking back and it’s like you're staring into each other's souls. Tangled like pretzels in this beautiful hotel room, you’ve never felt so at peace. You place a hand gently on the side of his face, tracing his bottom lip with your thumb. “I love you so much.” You whisper.

He closes his eyes, pressing his forehead to yours “I love you too.” He whispers back between shallow breaths, “luckiest man in the world.”

You giggle at that, “Mm I don’t know about that, but I’ll take it.” You kiss him gently before wiggling your hips a little, meeting his slow thrusts. “I need more big boy, wanna feel more of you.”

He nods, concentration clear on his face as he picks up the pace. Thrusting harder and deeper and quicker. “Like that? Mm?”

“Yesyesyesyes” you whine, throwing your head back against the comforter, eyes squeezed shut. When you look up at him again, he drops one of your legs and places a big hand on your face. Playing with your lips with his thumb until you open wide enough to let him stuff it in your hot wet mouth. You suck on it immediately, knowing what he wants. He curses under his breath and thrusts once harder, your responding moan vibrating through his thumb.

He takes it out of your mouth and reaches down between you to rub quick circles on your clit. “F-Fuck, I’m gunna cum baby, I’m gunna cum.” You cry out.

“Already?” He chuckles.

“It’s been- ahh - it’s been months since anything has” you struggle to form words as your vision starts to blur around the edges. “Since I’ve-“

Steve shushes you gently keeping up the rhythm with his hips and thumb until you're quivering and squeezing him from the inside. A string of expletives escaping between pornagraphic moans, cumming hard on his cock.

“Need a break?” He asks as you come back down to earth, feeling exhausted already from cumming so hard.

“No, I don’t need a break. Keep going, don’t stop.”

“You sure you’re not overstimulated? Give me a color baby.” He punctuates by rocking his hips gently.

“Definitely overstimulated but I like it, green green green.”

“Okay,” smiles, grabbing a milk swollen breast in one hand and kneading it. He lowers his head and sucks your nipple into his mouth. You laugh, watching milk slip past his lips but he just moans as he releases you. “Think your legs will hold you up if you flip over?”

“Only one way to find out.” You say, letting him slip out of you before you roll over and lift your ass in the air.

“Gorgeous,” Steve mumbles to himself before slapping your ass with a flat palm, gripping the fatty flesh with his fingers and shaking it. You let out a little yelp. Your ass fat giggles with the movement. He takes a moment to ogle your weeping core, running a finger through your folds. Your breathing is getting heavier again, needing more, your hole feels so empty without him. You push back on your knees, letting him know you're desperate with using words.

He slides his right hand up your spine, and pushes your front down lower to the mattress. He pushes into you again, slowly this time. And before he’s even all the way in he’s wrapping your hair around his fist and pulling. “This what you wanted? Hm? Wanted me to fuck you like a dirty little slut?” Once he’s buried deep he starts thrusting at a brutal pace.

You’re looking at him upside down from where he’s pulling your hair, tears streaming down your face. “Yes,” you whimper, breathing hard.

He slaps your ass again, harder this time. “Yes what?”

“Yes Daddy.” You cry out. He leans over your back and kisses you bruisingly hard. And you're glad that your child is still an infant because you know you’re going to be covered in bruises when you go home and that would not be fun to explain.

He drags his teeth down your shoulder and bites hard. You can’t help but clench around him at the sensation. He moans openly, diving back into your skin to suck a bruise just under his bite mark. “Gunna mark you up so everyone knows who you belong to.”

His possessiveness brings heat to your face, blushing hard at your husbands words. You’ve been married for years and everyone knows how in love you two are but it still feels so good to hear it. “Yours Stevie. Always. All yours.”

He slows down his brutal pace just a bit, you think he must be getting close. “Gunna fill you up. Fuck my cum into you until your round again. Put another baby in you.”

“Yes. No wait no. Yes.” You’re babbling back. Hoping this is just dirty talk because you’re not ready for another one yet.

He lets go of your hair, reaching under you to rub your still healing belly, “My sexy ass wife.” His hand slowly slips from your stomach to your clit where he starts rubbing in fast tight circles. “Never once stopped being sexy. Want you all the time.”

Oh yeah he’s definitely close. And thankfully so are you. “Are you close, baby? Gunna fill me up?”

“Yeah, yeah, want you to cum first though.” He says, leaning back and aiming his cock straight into your g-spot. It startles a scream out of you. “Is that the spot? Mm?”

You nod quickly. “Ahh- yes yes that’s it I’m so close baby right there fuck fuck fuck.” Your lower belly feels so warm as you feel your orgasm building. You feel so close but also like you’re about to piss yourself, but you don’t care because heck, Steve’s seen worse. You completely let go, losing yourself in the sensation. Your sweaty bodies are working together, wet slapping and sloshing sounds filling the room. You can’t stop the constant onslaught of moaning as he digs his fingernails into your hips, pulling you as hard as he can against him. And suddenly, you feel yourself gushing around him harder than you ever thought possible. A spray of your cum shooting so hard from your core it forces his cock out, soaking the bed and his lower torso.

“Holy shit, holy shit, did you just squirt?” Steve asks, shocked. He pushes back into you, pulling your torso up against his, trying to not slip out with all the your arousal slicking him up. “Fuck baby, that was so hot. That was so fucking hot” he moans in your ear as he comes deep inside your pussy. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I know I said I wouldn’t but fuck that was so hot I had to.”

“It’s okay,” you laugh. He pulls out of you and you turn to kiss him. Your kisses are long and languid. Full of love and awe. “Didn’t know I could do that.”

“Obviously. But now that I know I’m going to keep aiming for it.”

“You better. Felt so good. I’m so tired now though.”

He lays you gently on your back against the pillows. “Sure you’re not ready for another baby? I won’t force it if you’re not ready yet.”

“Doc said I shouldn’t for at least a few more months.. but I think.. if it happens then, it was meant to be. I’m not saying we should start trying again, but if it takes then it takes. I’ve heard it’s harder to get pregnant while breastfeeding so just, don’t get your hopes up okay?”

“Okay, that’s fair. All of it. I love you. I love you and I love our family so much.”

“I love you too baby.” He kisses your nose. “Six little nuggets right?”

“6 little nuggets.” He agrees.

—

They did in fact, get pregnant on this mini vacation. With twins. And in the end, they had 8 little nuggets.

Eddie, Stephanie, Samantha, Robbie, Dustin James, Fernando (yes, after the ABBA song, thanks Steve), Harper Joyce, and Henry… hahaha just kidding.

The last of the bunch was Christina. But they called her Chrissy. She was born on a Friday, with all the love of her family around her. Steve and y/n looked down at her full of the same amount of love and awe they shared at each and every birth. And as they looked into each others eyes, sitting close as they were at the birth of their first born, they agreed that they were done and their family was complete.

“You’re getting a vasectomy, right?”

Steve laughed, kissing your cheek gently, “Yeah, it’s scheduled for Tuesday.”

“That’s great news.” You whimpered, a tear dropping down your face.

“Yeah, it’s going to knock my breeding kink down a notch though.”

“Well, we’ll have a lot of fun pretending at least. You can just cum inside me as much as you want without consequence.”

Steve took a sharp inhale, “you’re right.” He slid off of the bed, tenderly taking Chrissy from your arms and laying her in the bassinet. “I’m just going to pop to the bathroom for a second.”

“Noo not fair. I know what you’re going to do in there. You do this every tiiime. You can’t turn us both on and expect me to not be jealous.”

“Sorry baby,” he smirked, kissing your cheek before heading towards the ensuite toilet. “Your parents said they’ll be here soon with Eddie and the twins so, just think about that.”

“What about Will and Mike? I thought they were going to introduce us to Amara today?”

“Well, Will said he didn’t want to take away from Chrissy. He said he’ll bring her over next week.”

“And what did Mike say?”

He runs a hand through his hair, other hand on his hip, “Mike said and I quote ‘We finally adopt a little girl after trying for 5 years and you’re saying you don’t want to make the birth of their eighth child less special?”

“Classic.” You laugh, “he is kind of right though, Chris won’t remember this, she doesn’t care. But I’m dying to meet their daughter.”

“I said the same thing but, it’s fine we’ll meet her next week. In the meantime I’m going to go take care of business.”

“Yeah yeah. Asshole. I love you.”

“I love you too, y/n.” He said as he closed the door.

—

Bonus side story

Taking place a few weeks after the mini vacay

Jonathan opens the door quickly, wide grin on his face as he takes your extra bags and sets them down on the entryway table. Eddie is sleeping in the car seat and you set him down gently on the floor next to the table.

“Good to see you as always Johnny boy.” You bring him in for a tight hug.

“You as well y/n.” He pats your back gently before pulling away. “Ready to develop some film?”

“You know it! I’ve got some hot pictures and I’ve been itching to see how they turned out. And some cute ones of course of my precious little angel baby.”

Jon rubs the back of his neck nervously, “Hopefully not too hot, don’t know if you’d want me in the room for those.”

“If they’re too hot I’ll send you out of the room, how about that?”

“I guess so” he chuckles.

“Not like you’ve never seen me naked before, remember that time when you, me, and Argyle went on the field trip to Malibu? We all got really high and Argyle dared us to skinny dip in the ocean and-“

“Yes yes shhh” he put his hand over your mouth “Nancy doesn’t know about that.” He whispers.

“Nothing even happened though,” you smirk, slapping his arm “well, not between you and me anyway.” You wink at him, turning on your heels to pick up the car seat and head up the stairs. “Have you heard from Argyle lately? I miss him.”

“Uh yeah, I heard from him a couple weeks ago. Said he finally finished the paper work for the franchise in West Covina… what do you mean nothing happened with us but… did something happen with you and Argyle?”

You stop just before the dark room door, placing Eddie just behind you. “Well, I mean yeah… you had just gotten back together with Nancy and I mean now you know I was kinda in love with you then so I don’t feel bad saying that well… I don’t know, Argyle was a little sad too about that. I mean not that.” You look down at your feet, sweat beading at your neck, “ANYWAY, yeah. After you went back to the hotel room we slept together, on the beach. Not slept but you know. We had sex.”

“Wow. I had no idea you had a one night stand with our college best friend.”

You cough into your hand, “Yeah. Yeah. It wasn’t quite a one night stand. That was the first time though.”

“Y/N…”

“What?? I was lonely and so was he and just kinda found some peace in each others bodies a few times. A lot of times. These words sound like deja vu but the experiences were totally different.”

“Wha.. how many…f-for how long?”

“Jon come on, it’s not a big deal. It was only like maybe 50 or so times in like the span of a month.”

He pinch’s the bridge of his nose, hand on his hip looking like a perfect mimicry of your husbands mom pose. “And you never thought to tell me?”

“Why would I? It wasn’t serious, we never got past regular friendship feelings and it didn’t last that long so, thought it was best to not bring it up.”

“Well, I mean okay. It’s just weird to me because of how much you talk about your sex life with Steve.”

“That’s different, Steve is the romantic love of my life. And I love Argyle but not like that. I’m not going to talk openly about a friends with benefits situation no matter how much it rocked my world.” You wink.

He lets out a deep sigh, “Alright, well. I now know too much about too many of my friends.”

“Oh come on I barely even said anything about Argyle. He was good though, really really good. You should’ve given him a chance.”

“What??”

Your eyes widen, “Nothing, let’s develop these nudes shall we?”

“Yeah.. yeah okay. Let me see if Nancy can watch Eddie for a bit.”

“She can and she will” Nancy says, coming out of their bedroom. She bends over Eddie’s care seat and unbuckles him, pulling him out and pressing him into her chest. “I always had a feeling Argyle had a crush on you.” She said as she turned back towards her bedroom.

“What??” Jon exclaimed looking at her back as she walked away.

“Man you really are oblivious.” You laugh, opening the darkroom door. “Or just really blinded by your love for Nance.”

“Yeah let’s go with that.”

“I think that’s beautiful, Jon. So blinded by love you don’t even notice anyone else’s interest.”

You can’t see it in the dark of the room but you know he’s blushing.

“Also, please don’t tell Argyle I accidentally hinted at his crush. Man, we are really bad at keeping secrets in this group.”

“Yes it would seem we are.” He agrees, beginning his developing process.

“I think I’m pregnant.”

You hear a clatter, like metal and paper and plastic falling to the ground along with a human like thud.

“Are you okay?? What happened?” You call out, arms reaching out in the dark.

“I’m okay,” he chokes. “Again?”

[clonerightsenthusiast]

okay I've seen a couple tags now and I'm dying of curiosity - what is the magic shotgun that eats sins??

oh, you've done it now. the magic shotgun that eats sins is actually just the tip of the iceberg of this deeply, deeply stupid story.

So. Our story begins in 1985. Peter David writes a four-part story in Peter Parker, the Spectacular Spider-Man, called The Death of Jean DeWolff. It will become known as one of the all-time greatest Spider-Man stories.

The Death of Jean DeWolff follows Peter as he investigates the murder of his friend, police captain Jean DeWolff, as well as several other murders by a serial killer calling himself the Sin-Eater. The Sin-Eater has super soldier-esque physical abilities, but no other powers. He uses a regular ass shotgun to kill people he believes have transgressed against society. The Sin-Eater is pretty explicitly a narrative foil for Spider-Man, and it is thematically extremely important that he kills people. Put a pin in that.

The Sin-Eater appears in this story, and then a sequel story (I'm not sure exactly how much later, about a year or two I think?) where he dies.

Now. Flash forward about 35 years. Nick Spencer, my greatest enemy, is the writer on The Amazing Spider-Man. For reasons that truly elude me, he decides to resurrect this classic villain, but... different. The Sin-Eater is no longer a slightly physically enhanced serial killer. Now he has the power to sense evil in people's souls. And, most importantly, he has a magic shotgun. That eats people's sins.

What does this mean, you ask? How does anything, let alone a gun, eat people's sins?

Excellent question. Moving on.

Now a lot of the details of this plot are fuzzy for me because I've done a really excellent job of repressing most of Nick Spencer's writing and I wish to god the current writers would stop reminding me about the dumb shit he did. But the broad strokes are that Sin-Eater forms a cult and starts shooting villains with his magic shotgun. And when he shoots them, they don't die. He eats their sins, and they stop being villains. They repent and decide that they're good and nice now. And also Sin-Eater gets their superpowers. Those are also sins, I guess.

This all comes to a head when he takes aim at the man in the Spider-Man canon with the most sins to his name: Norman Osborn. Sin-Eater wants to shoot him and make him good. Peter, who doesn't trust like that, wants to stop him from doing this. Norman, who's the worst, is being generally unhelpful to both parties. (Also there's this whole thing where all the other 616 spider-people (and also Gwen, who doesn't even live in this universe?) debate whether to interfere because of future visions of Peter dying and blah blah blah it's not important.)

Peter ultimately fails to keep Norman away from the Sin-Eater (I think he shoots the Juggernaut and gets his powers or something) and Norman gets shot with the magic shotgun. And his sins are eaten.

What does that mean, you ask again? Great question.

So I honestly forget what happens to the Sin-Eater because it literally does not fucking matter. Because it's time for Nick Spencer's grand finale, which really fucking sucks and is so bad seriously do yourself a favor and don't read it, and Norman Osborn is, like, nice now. I don’t have screencaps on hand of that but I do have this one of another extremely stupid thing that happens in Last Remains. God I hate that story. When will somebody eat Nick Spencer’s sins, I want to know.

So after that trainwreck finally ends, the book passes hands to a new set of writers for the next chapter of ASM, Spider-Man: Beyond, and he's still like this. Norman isn't really around for the next arc (which focuses on my bestest boy Ben Reilly), but his sins are!

They get put in someone else.

Spider-Man: Beyond ends, and Amazing Spider-Man gets handed to Zeb Wells as the new writer. And Norman is back in the limelight. And his sins sure are still gone. And between that and Gold Goblin, a spin-off just for our good pal Norm, we really start to get a look at what it means for his sins to have been eaten by a magic shotgun.

And it um. Well. Um. I get the feeling Nick didn't really leave a lot of notes? If he put any thought into it at all.

So. What does it mean for your sins to be eaten? Norman refers, often, to his sins being "gone". But the actual events still very much happened; everyone still remembers them happening; their effects are still very much felt. But Norman now has a conscience, and is haunted by guilt for the many many many terrible things he's done.

He even has a big ol' Wall of Guilt vision board featuring: Peter Parker listed four times; his own son whose life he ruined in countless ways listed third; the baby he had killed like, more than halfway down the board; a whole host of Clone Saga throwbacks (which I, clone saga lover that i am, appreciated at least; hashtag justice for seward trainer) but also notably not Ben Reilly, who nevertheless shows up like a week later to kick his ass for all the shit he did to him.

This isn't super relevant but I just find this giant monument to his own crimes that is simultaneously kind of overboard and also still somehow incomplete really funny. Anyways, it's proof all the bad shit he did is still very much real.

And now here's where we return to the sins. Because as you'll remember, Norman's sins aren't just gone. They're in somebody else. Specifically a clone of Ashley Kafka, another character who's been done dirty. And having Norman's sins put in her have made her evil. And not just that, they're physically killing her. Here are Norman's thoughts on the subject:

And he's read some science about it, so I think we have to take him at his word.

Now. There's a lot here. Let's recap the things we now know about sins:

They are linked to but a separate thing from the actual bad thing that you did

Are ALSO linked to your superpowers, maybe.

They prevent you from feeling remorse. In their absence you feel REAL bad about what you did.

They can be transferred to somebody else who had absolutely nothing to do with the actual things that spawned your sins

They make you evil

They physically kill you. This may just be if you have somebody else's sins that don't belong to you, because Norman did not seem to be dying of sin poisoning before he got shotgun'd

Losing them does not stop you from considering murder a legitimate solution to your problems

They can die, or at least go out of the world if the person holding them dies.

[Blaseball voice] A sin is a physical concept

So. Because Nick Spencer wanted to bring back a classic, little-used villain, and I can only assume went "his name is Sin-Eater? got it, I understand his deal completely", we all have to wrestle with the theological implications of a magic shotgun that eats sins. As my beloved roommate said when I explained this to them, the idea that feeling bad about your sins means they don't exist (at least as far as you’re concerned) could cause a schism in the Catholic church, and personally I can't wait until whoever the pope is in the Marvel universe finds out about this.

In conclusion: Just read The Death of Jean DeWolff instead okay it's so good especially if you like a real hard look at Peter's dark side and also Daredevil is there it's a great story don't subject yourself to this bullshit read something worth reading instead.

^ me @ Nick Spencer

(and look there are whole other rants about how the way norman has been treated by the other characters and especially peter in light of this bullshit doesn’t make sense and also nick spencer’s arc more generally and also harry and I almost went into a rant about ben reilly at least three times in this post even though he’s not even really involved in this but I will leave them for another time)

[oodlyenough]

with tlou hbo I definitely think the FEDRA/military softening is pretty weird, it's gone way beyond just fleshing them out imo. there are so many things that have stacked up throughout the series; removing FEDRA killing Tess, the Jakarta cold open having the doctor be the one to suggest the bombing to the horror of the military people, this ep's stuff, etc. it does make me worry about how the ending is going to be framed if they lean too hard into 'well the Fireflies are just as bad!!'

Yeah, it's my biggest outstanding concern/qualm with this adaptation. I'd even forgotten some of those elements, like Tess' death, but it also reminded me of the suggestion that the bombing technique worked in some areas which ? ... The round-up-civilians-and-kill-them thing is brand new to the show too which makes it even weirder to introduce while also doing this other stuff. You can flesh out/add moral complexity to so many parts of this universe but I don't feel we needed to do that for fuckin FEDRA lol. Even the infected kid in ep 1 - why would FEDRA waste time/resources bringing that kid into the QZ to test them? Game FEDRA would've sniped the kid for walking suspiciously lol.

Meanwhile you've got stuff like the Fireflies posting a sixteen-year-old alone in a mall they didn't clear properly (apparently), Marlene is an unknown entity and doesn't seem trusted by Ellie the way she is in the game, they skipped the doctor's recordings in the university in lieu of just pins on a map, etc.

I recently rewatched the game's opening credits sequence (which I love, btw, and I'm kind of sad we didn't get an equivalent in the show -- always gives me chills!) and the bits in there about the military coup and the Fireflies' "public charter calling for a return of all branches of government"... Again they're not above reproach, but compared to FEDRA???? ??? ?

The one thing I can imagine that would really sour this adaptation for me is the ending. I'll use a cut bc game spoilers

If the show frames it as/implies Joel was correct and justified in doing what he did and/or that he did it for any reason beyond his personal attachment to Ellie I will be, uh, severely disappointed in an otherwise so far well done adaptation. It needs to be choosing Ellie over the betterment of the world/future. Joel's choice being both entirely understandable on a human level and deeply, hideously selfish is, like, the entire reason the game has any meaning. I think the fans who have spent the past decade trying to spin it as a heroic selfless action, Joel was worried about vaccine distribution concerns or the science of it or Ellie's agency (LMFAO) or ... literally anything beyond *Joel does not want to lose Ellie*... have been watering down both him as a character and the story as a whole. Would hate to see the show do the same.

[riddlerosehearts]

time for a ✨ very late intro post ✨

hey everyone! i probably should've made a post like this for my pinned ages ago, but better late than never, i guess? i'm going to stick part of this below a readmore because it got a bit long oops. you don't have to read this by any means but it's here now if you're interested!

★ i'm starlight or star! i'm in my 20s.

★ i'm bisexual and genderfluid!! sometimes i'm a woman, sometimes i'm a man, and sometimes i am agender. please either use they/them or check my blog description for my pronouns.

★ i'm also autistic.

★ my ask box is always open whether we're mutuals or not and i love talking about my favorite characters and ships and sharing my thoughts in general! my DMs are also always open but asks are a little easier for me to reply to. either way though i promise i don't bite and i love chatting 💖

★ i have an anime sideblog over at @ritsukageyamas, a blog dedicated to the emperor's new groove at @kuzcoskingdom, and a stim blog where i make my own stimmy gifs and post stimboards over at @glitteringstardust! i've got a handful of other sideblogs too but i'm not really using any of them atm. if/when i become more active on them in the future i'll add them here.

★ i also have a harry potter sideblog at @genderfluidweasley, which i made simply because i was deeply into the series for 15 years of my life before jkr published that awful essay of hers and as such there's a part of me that will probably always be nostalgic for it. i hate jkr a lot and don't support her or the HP franchise financially, but sometimes i get the urge to reblog posts about it and i don't want people who follow me on here to have to see them if they're understandably uncomfortable with it. i'm just listing it here so anyone who chooses to read this post will know about it.

★ sometimes when i happen to be in the mood, i make gifs and edits on here too! but mostly i just reblog a ton of stuff and ramble about whatever. occasionally i liveblog things.

★ i'm very sporadically active on twitter, but you can follow me over there too if you want.

★ main fandoms and other assorted info under the cut!

★ i'm a huge animation nerd!! i especially love walt disney animation and pixar films. some of my favorites include beauty and the beast, tangled (as well as tangled the series), frozen (mainly the first movie in particular LOL), toy story 1-3, onward, and coco. i love all kinds of other animated films too but you can expect to see lots of disney/pixar stuff in general on here as it's basically my longest lasting special interest.

★ i am also deeply in love with kingdom hearts and it's one of the things you can expect to see a lot of posts about. riku is one of my favorite fictional characters of all time and i would die for sorikai.

★ if you couldn't guess by my url i'm also brainrotting hard over twisted wonderland lately and will likely continue doing so for the foreseeable future. i have soooo much love for so many of the characters i literally can't even pick a favorite dorm. but riddle and idia are practically tied for the spot of my fave character and i ship riddle/floyd and idia/vil very hard.

★ i am very into pokemon but especially the hoenn, unova, alola, and paldea regions and the pokemon mystery dungeon series. love pokemon adventures/pokespe as well.

★ so the above things are kinda the main fandoms you'll see on here but my brain is also constantly hopping between other interests and getting me in the mood to reblog and talk about different things!! some of those other things can include uhhhh the PJO universe, utdr, twewy, the original sherlock holmes stories + granada TV series, LOTR, ace attorney, avatar the last airbender, neopets, and also just. so many other things. unfortunately i shove 90% of what i like onto here instead of having sideblogs for the most part.

★ anyway--please please let me know if you need something tagged and i'll do my best to keep it in mind!!

★ uhhh let's see what else. i'm an episcopalian christian who goes to a very cool and progressive church, but i don't talk about that on this blog hardly ever.

★ i don't have a dni, i just block people who make me uncomfortable and even then i don't block people very often! so just be chill and respectful and you're probably fine.

★ hmm i guess that's all BUT whenever i update or edit this post in any way i'll mention that in the tags!

★ so anyway thank you so much if you actually read this and i hope you enjoy your day!!! 💖

[mikeluciraphgabe]

Michael is a Love-Stuck Idiot: Part One

Micheal confessed his feelings and immediately walks away, not waiting for his love’s answer.

Angst (sorry), fluff? A bit anyway, brothers being brothers, Michael loves his boys even if it isn’t mentioned, some more angst because I love ripping heart out, Adam is a tired boyfriend who just want to make out like horny teenagers, pinning Michael because who doesn’t like that?

One two final

Me to you:

Throwing his phone across the room like it will undo the message, Michael groans and hides under his pillow and blankets. And, because the universe literally hates him so much, the phone ping only minutes later.

Reaching for the phone like it will kill him, Michael peaks out of the safety of his pillows. The on-screen reply reads;

Addy: Sure :)

He unlocks he phone and stares at his background. It’s his brothers (sons Adam says but Michael argues they are his brothers) and Adam piling on top of Michael. All had huge smiles on their faces and cake covering their faces. It was his birthday that day and the four threw him a surprise birthday. One of their friends caught the picture at the right time in the perfect light.

Michael loves this picture. They look like a family in it.

Me: Wait, don’t you have that thing with your brothers?

Addy: you mean go and hangout with their bitch asses instead of with my favorite person ever?

Addy: never knew you thought so lowly of me :(

Michael snorts softly as he flushes a bit.

Me: I’m your favorite person?

Addy:

Me: Omg really? That’s kinda gay Adam…

Addy:

Me: ok ok I’m sorry 🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️

Addy: what time do you wanna meet up??

Me: any is fine

___

They agreed to one in the afternoon the next day at their favorite coffee/book shop. Adam found it one day and it became their little meet up place for when they had time. Which was pretty often as of late surprisingly. It may have been due to that fact Michael just graduated and is finally getting his life on track and it happens to be in the middle of the school year for his not-sons so he has much more time than before to hangout with his friends.

Especially one handsome friend in particular.

They went so often in the past couple of months, the workers knew their ordered better than them so when they walked in, their order was practically already on the table before they sat down.

Shuffling in his seat, Adam looks at Michael as he takes a sip and set the cup back down. God, did he have to flutter his stupidly perfect eyelashes at him like that? Did Adam know what that did to him? “So, what did you want to talk about?”

Looking away from one of his favorite sights in the entire world, Michael hums and picks at his finger. “Uhh, well… never mind. It’s not a big deal. Tell me about your week.”

“First of all, it’s Tuesday. What the fuck could I have done in two days worth telling? I mean, I throw coffee at Lily from work but what’s new about that? Second, answer the question before I throw a bagel at you. Marcy will even supply me with enough until you answer.”

Michael raises his hands in surrender. That Marcy part was mostly true. That woman would probably steal an ancient artifact for Adam. She adores him. “Alright.” This could ether end with marriage, or it could end with him down a friend. “I… imsortakindainlovewithyou-“

“Whoa whoa! Calm down!” Adam places a gentle hand on Michael’s and rubs a circle on the back of it with his thumb. “You’re what? You talked to fast for me to understand.”

God the kindness in his best friend’s eyes made Michael feel like he could do anything. This is one of the reasons he so deeply in love with the man. The unmoving support and kindness for him and really anyone was endearing. Who wouldn’t fall for the guy?

Taking a breath and looking out the window, “I’m in love with you. I have been for the past three years. Or maybe it was sense we met but I knew I was for three years. God Ad, I’m in love with you. I never thought I would tell you but that guy Liam you started seeing just… I don’t know. When I saw the two of you the other week, I knew you guys had a thing that could be built on in a beautiful way. I realized how bad I wanted that with you instead of watching from the sides as a friend.”

There came no response and Michael slowly begins to stand.

“I understand if you don’t feel the same. I can leave you alone for awhile. I don’t think these feelings will go away for me, but hopefully we can still be friends. I would rather be friends that nothing at all. I’m sorry if I but you in a weird position or made you uncomfortable.”

“Michael-“

Giving the other man a sad smile as he lays down cash, Michael walks towards the door. “You don’t have to say anything right now. I know this is a bomb shell and dropping it on you like this and leaving is kinda a dick move, but I really need to walk away before I start sobbing and making awkward for the both of us.”

He hears Adam shouting behind him, but Michael blends into the New York crowd quickly. He walks for a long time before he blinks and realizes he made it to his favorite park. His phone rings for the millionth time and he finally looks at it.

It’s only Lucifer.

He is probably just asking when he is going to be home or for dinner, possibly for both. It can wait a few more minutes Michael feels. Right now, he wants to willow in self pity. Lucky for him, it begins to rain.

Perfect time to cry! No one will tell if they are tears or rain!

Maybe the universe has a soft spot for him.

[kath-artic]

i think i figured it out.

my mom asked me what it is that i look for in people (specifically in reference to partners but i also think this broadly applies to people i enjoy most) and i talked about the intersection of caring, TRUE understanding, and fascination (those last two tend to go pretty hand in hand). i’ve had partners who have cared but could never understand and who held no mystery for me and partners who so deeply understood and fascinated me but just didnt have the space to care as much as they did (care being the quality that makes the thing last on their end while fascination is what makes things last on my end), but what it is exactly about certain people that makes them fascinating to me is hard to pin down. this is partly because i think all people are inherently interesting and have interesting things about them, but dear god do they play up the parts that are unbearably boring (and that in and of itself is kind of fascinating to me). i suppose the specific kind of fascination i look for comes from people who are distinct and who live. my friends back home are like this. my one friend is a painter and lives with her boyfriend in his mom’s apartment and his mom is a fashion designer and will let my friend add on to paintings she made when she was in design school and we’ll get together with our friend who does parkour and works in landscaping and breaks into construction zones and our friend who works in the local deli and is working on his own fashion brand and we smoke and we watch someone play re4 and then go out bowling or get ramen and play with roadkill. my friends from oregon who throw the most oregon-ish house parties and wear vintage suits and listen to prairie home invasion and do archaeology and constantly wanna go on a pilgrimage to any sort of hill and move like fucking cartoon characters and write parody beat poetry are also like this. there is something about them and their commitment to an idea and their capacity to just fucking live and be messy that i don’t find in people here at university and it is exactly what i need from people. i dont care about perfect morality or purity--i want the mess. obviously i think we should all strive to be the best we can and i have my own commitments to ideology, but i hate the need to make everything clean and simple and easy to swallow. i hate this optimized, advertiser-friendly, marketable version of living. i need someone who really fucking struggled but damn it they’re trying. my ex’s favorite book was winesburg ohio and i read it on his birthday after we broke up, but the concept of grotesque that it identifies is exactly it. people who are so fucking committed to some truth (maybe multiple) that it makes them grotesque. a desire to be distinct while still wanting to be a part of something bigger, a desire to be loved, anything. for me, my struggle is with truth itself as something that i believe both does and doesnt exist at least as we understand it. we concern ourselves so much with factual or philosophical or ideological truth, but this is inaccessible to us and maybe isnt even there. perhaps there is truth in wholly sacrificing the self and living through pure sensation, but what’s the value in that if you cant share it? for me, its the human truth that matters. communication isnt perfect and that sensory truth gets lost in translation, but the way we try to capture it and connect with one another and understand is EVERYTHING. story, metaphor, symbol. its EVERYTHING. we have gone so far down the ladder of language that we can no longer agree with one another on what even exists, but if we climb then we can find commonality and meaning in metaphor. obviously its a complicated issue in the modern identity-driven era where we’ve built a society that begs us to kill anything we may have once regarded as god, but i think its necessary to have faith in something yknow? post-structuralism has points and is totally more suited for an era where fluidity is more necessary, but i wonder if its actually attainable. we think in structure. we think in archetypes. we try to abandon or ignore them but they dont go away (and dont get me started on modern retellings of myths that ignore symbolism and turn them into character driven narratives. the death of metaphor makes me want someone dead) and really i think we need to try to understand them again and learn that they themselves are not rigid things and that subverting an existing archetype is meaningful and that they allow for a richness in fluidity. ANYWAY. point being i like people who just are. 

[keiarchived]

Freshman Year

stoner!Atsumu x f!innocent!reader x stoner!Suna ft stoner!Osamu

warnings: Drug (weed), gangbang, oral (giving), anal, dubcon, fucking whilst high, university!au, sex tape, cockwarming, corruption kink, sleepy writing

words: 1.8k

To say you were inexperienced, naive and artless, they weren’t wrong. You’re the last person who would cheat on their essay and cause yet another headache to your lecturer. You’re the classic ‘goodie two shoes’ as Atsumu calls you, the same couldn’t be said about both Miya twins and Suna, however.

They are anything but good.

You should’ve listened to those whispers of warnings and rumours that made their way around the campus, how they’re the last people you’d want to get involved with despite their popularity among students. You either love them or hate them, there’s no in-between with valid reasons.

You don’t belong in their world, you know that. But it doesn’t stop Suna from wanting to strip the innocent of you. Maybe it's the way you smiled nervously at him or maybe the glare you gave Atsumu whenever he made those snarky comments, but one thing for sure is that he wants to show you what you’ve been missing.

“Suna...” It almost came out as a whine whilst your head fell back against his shoulder, dark iris swallowing those rings of colours whilst your lips parted delicately with a cute pout. “Hmm? What’s wrong?” He coo, arm resting snuggly and comfortably around your waist as he pulls you even closer to press a kiss on your temple. Chilling at the Miya’s with Suna and his friends has become a regular thing ever since your first proper encounter with him at the party, where your friend ditched you for another guy. Perhaps you should’ve seen through him before accepting his offer to keep your company that night, maybe then you could’ve avoided whatever this is between you and Suna. But would you’ve pushed him away if given the chance?

“Wan’ more...” You whimpered, earning a chuckle from the man as he peppered your cheeks with few more playful kisses before pulling away. “What do you want, princess? C’mon, use your words” Suna love to see it when you’re desperate like this in his arms, staring up at him with those bleary eyes, cheeks flustered and small hands trembling as you grasp at his jacket with wants. “Mmn... smoke... wan’ more of smoke...” You slurred between each hitched breath of yours, feeling a few pairs of eyes glued onto the both of you as Suna leaned closer after taking a drag of his blunt before letting the heavy white smoke slips past your plump lips like weightless velvet. Oh, if only you knew how alluring you are when taking every ounce of the fumes from him greedily. Close enough for both of your lips to slot together, but far away enough for a grin to tug at his lips before pulling away. “Still not used to taking it on your own hm?” Or maybe you just adore these tingles dancing against your skin every time Suna shotguns it to you, as if he’s feeding you his essence in the most sexual way possible.

“Ya babying her too much, Suna. Gonna end up spoiling her.” Atsumu wasn’t wrong, ever since his friend introduced you to an unfamiliar world of ecstasy, he has you wrapped around his fingers like a puppy on a leash. “Why not, jealous Tsumu?” You could barely listen to their conversation as a giggle slipped past your lips, Suna could still remember the time you took your first hit. Trying to copy him only for those bitter smoke tickles your throat, making you cough with tears swelling from your eyes. It was cute though, he praised you for being a good girl, done so well on your first try as he wiped away those tears before wrapping those legs around your waist to give you the fucking of your life and the rest was history.

It was Suna who got you addicted to... him.

“You bet, how come she’s always hanging off your arm when you guys aren’t even together?” Astumu scoffed as shifts from his seat, watching from the opposite sofa with a frown over his defined features. It is unfair really, how you’ve chosen Suna over anyone else. Atsumu would love to slips his arms around you once in a while too, playing with those pretty lips of yours whilst you get drunk of him instead.

Despite no strings attached between you and Suna, shaking your head no as soon as he mumbles softly under his breath, beckoning you to go sit with Atsumu but no — you didn’t want to. “Nnu...Wanna stay...” Instead, your grip tightens on the fabric of his jacket, snuggling further into him until your head is buried at the crook of his neck.

If only you’re sober enough to see the faint but taunting smug smile Suna have stretched across his lips as he shrugged at his friend, guiding you to sit properly on his lap instead with your back facing Atsumu. “Better luck next time.”

God knows how long you’ve been sitting like this, legs folded on either side of Suna’s lap as you rest against his broad shoulder. Pins and needles crawl up your numb legs, shifting with an uncomfortable whine. To think Suna would waste a perfect opportunity like this, you’d be wrong, especially when all if most of his companions are high off their heads to even notice what the two of you’re about to do. “Baby, want my cock?” Suna isn’t subtle about it either, bulge poking at your clothed core. The mention of his cock was enough to have your clouded mind runs wild, grinding against his clothes erection with an eager nod. This wouldn’t be the first time you’ve cockwarm Suna in front of other souls like this, Tsumu would shuffle towards the both of your and join in occasionally. Shotgunning you with his own blunt whilst lazily as he jerks off to your moans and tangle bodies. “What happened to the sweet innocent princess we knew?

As the time you spend with Suna and the Miya twins grew, so did your confidence. Becoming more familiar with the substance than you originally were, however. It was naive of you to think you could do this properly on your own without Suna here to keep you out of trouble because you’re a big girl who knows how to take care of herself. But instead, you have taken a pretty big hit, blame Atsumu. It was his idea to lower the amount of tobacco this time around, instead of feeling the familiar high you have with Suna; this is something way stronger.

How did you end up atop of Tsumu with his cock buried deep inside your dripping cunt, you have no idea. Only remembering fragments of things he had said to you prior to this, “Suna aren’t here is he? Shame. Let me be Suna tonight for ya, baby. Ride me inside, bet I could treat ya better than ‘im, c’mon baby, don’t be shy. It’s not like he’s ya boyfrien’ or anythin’.” That’s all you could remember before a snap of Atsumu’s hips snapped you out of your thought, drawing a meal from your lips. “C’mon, baby. Don’t hide that pretty voice from me now.”

Atsumu’s little plan would’ve been a success if it wasn’t for Osamu, consider it payback. Call him selfish if you want, but seeing his twin brother knocking the breath out of your lungs sparks his jealousy. Sure he could’ve joined in easily but what’s the fun in that?

Suna has been stood by the door for a while now, watching as you desperately bounces on Atsumu’s cock and moaning his name between each of those sloppy kisses. But still, that stoic face remained unbothered, maybe a twitch here and there but nothing major, the completely opposite of what Samu thought he would do. After all, despite Suna saying he doesn’t care nor does he wants you, everyone knows how much he cares for you enough to keep you around for as long as he has. Instead, Suna approached the two of you. Yanking your head up those sweaty locks of yours whilst you could barely register the shift in his eyes, “You knew this was gonna happen didn’t you? Just wanted an excuse to fuck Tsumu.”

He wasn’t wrong, both Miya twins shares the same face and it is hared to ignore their handsome features after all.

Osamu was dumbfounded when Suna positioned himself behind you instead, not only did he not have a good go at Tsumu but at the end decide to join too before prepping your rear end the best way he can before inching in, frowning as he does. “Fuck... just as I expected. You’re so fucking, right baby”

Neither one of them paid attention to Samu before Suna caught him palming at his jeans, only then did he come closer with his cock freed with one hand whilst the other holding a phone and hit record. You should see the way your lips parts whenever you’re close or the complete fucked our expression that suits you so well, no worries though; Samu will keep a good record seeing as how well you take all three of them together with Samu’s cock lodge deeply down your throat, stuffing you full with all ends.

At least this time you are not the only one who’s slurring nonsense as you came, Tsumu was the first one to pump you full of his cum first then it was Samu and lastly Suna. Showering you in praises and kisses before the younger Miya twin decides to take up the aftercare duty upon himself since Tsumu has already blacked out and Suna doesn’t look that far off either with the remaining blunt in his hand.

Samu is the gentlest of them all, washing you carefully as though you’re a glass doll. Having you put on one of his shirts and setting you on the kitchen counter whilst he cooks, earning small nods and hums from you whenever he asks you a question. Samu’s surprise you even managed to hold yourself this well before finally crashing against his shoulder, it was a struggle to get you to eat some food and drink some water but he did anyway.

Only for Suna to snatch you away again with a wave of his hand and a pat on his lap, you practically scrambled out from Samu’s arms and into Suna’s chest. Snuggling comfortably against him with a content smile on your face.

At the end of the day, you are Suna’s precious little princess. He’s the one who shown how to roll a joint, how to smoke from a bong and be a little rebellious. The Miyas twins could hook up with you as many times as they want, but he knows you’d be running back to him as soon as it is over.

Tag list: @m-mortimer @selfishwitch @sleepyrintaro @cxnicalsweetheart

[writingmyimagination]

(hello! i just read the viscount who loved me and it was amazing :D so i'm thinking about reader and anthony enemies-to-lovers type, they get into an argument infront of the bridgerton family and reader is winning (much to eloise's delight). after their argument, anthony walks out and reader follows, wanting to tease him for being such a sore loser but anthony's control snaps and he just pins reader to wall or smthn 😳 (and maybe tension-fuelled kisses 😳😳)

How far is too far?~

“What a lovely day .” I think as me and Simon walk through the town square. It’s been awhile since we’ve visited the Ton, I’ve had such an exciting life more than a lot of other ladies my age because of Simon. When he was of age he left and I’d receive letters from him about his adventures and it was an escape from papa and all my studies. When I became of age he came back and took me away with him, he continued my studies but I’ve been able to travel and see new places not once has he told me I couldn’t do something. Better yet he tells me I can do anything I set my mind too but as well never let a man dim my ambitions even if I become alone I’ll always have my big brother. We continue to walk stopping in front of this delightful little tea shop but before I know it someone smacks straight into Simon catching him off guard. It’s none other than Daphne Bridgerton of course I know of her and her plots with Simon but my heart can help to hurt just a bit for her because of the way her brother chose for her and not asked her if that’s what she desired. Simon waves me off to give her and him some privacy and I nod walking into the tea shop, I order our favorite and some stuff to nibble on as well. After a short while a waiter follows me back outside and places the tea and pastries on a table of four. Simon and Daphne walk over but this time accompanied by none other than Viscount himself. I roll my eyes sighing, “Of course he’d be here I cannot stand his presence it just makes me boil.” I shoot Simon a look and he shakes his head giving me another one as he pulls out a chair for Daphne and gestures for Anthony to sit next to me. “You know Simon dearest friend I can’t help but ask, how do you plan on your sister to secure a husband when she has not the manners to even greet guests?” Simon opens his mouth to say something but I’ve beat him to it. “You know Viscount, if you were a proper man worth my greetings you would have surely received them but as far as I know you’ve been quite a donor in the operas as well as having promised your sister without her permission to a wayward Lord indeed. My manners are not yours to worry of perhaps you should worry about the manners of your own partner before you question mine.” I sip my tea and turn my head to glance at his shock ridden expression as Daphne giggles and Simon tried to hold back a chuckle. “Y/N! that was not very nice of you but Anthony you know not to push her buttons. She will definitely put you in your place as she’s done before old friend. Yet I hope this evening for dinner you both can be more pleasant in eachothers company than you are now.”

At dinner we all sit across from one another Simon facing Daphne and I facing Anthony. The voice of Lady Bridgerton brings out of my thoughts. “ Miss Y/n Basset you have grown into a fine and remarkable young woman despite being abroad and constantly on adventures. I heard you’ve even studied in private university, such accomplishments from a Lady of the Ton you certainly must have a flock of gentleman callers.” Anthony scoffs and I shoot him a glare, “ Thank you Lady Bridgerton I must say I am more fortunate than most young ladies my age I owe part of my freedom and the nourishment of my mind to Simon I am most thankful that I have a brother who worries about my decision and desires.” Daphne coughs and Simon taps my foot with his. “ Yet I can’t help but wonder what manners you have since you have not said yet a word to me this entire afternoon my lady.” Anthony raises his eyebrow, “Perhaps if you had more elegant studies you’d be able to mange a simple dinner.” I bite the inside of my cheek and Simon whispers to Daphne. “He’s done it again and 1...2....3.” “Well dear Viscount if you worried more of your own affairs and manners then half of England wouldn’t know of certain strenuous activities and endeavors of yours as well as how you can’t even manage to secure a lady for yourself.” I sip on my tea, “ How is it that your younger sister had secured a better match than yourself?” Anthony looks at me shock as his mama and younger sisters stifle laughs. “Well my lady I-I...” he stands up and glares at me. “Excuse me, I must go.” He slams the napkin on the table and storms out into the gardens. I bite the inside of my lip and stand up, “Perhaps I went a bit far excuse me as I am going to apologize of course with Simon and Lady Bridgerton’s permission to be alone with him?” They both nod and allow me to go, as I walk out into the gardens I wonder which way he went as I turn a corner and before I can even think I am pushed back into the hard wall littered with leafy vines. “How dare you insult me in front of my family? I know you hate me but why so much what have I done to you?” I shudder at the closeness of our body’s my chest rubbing against his with every breath I take. “You are quite oblivious Anthony might I remind you of how you toyed with my emotions when we were younger? Because of you and the pain you cause me I am educated just as well as any man and I am very well mannered I am a fine Lady yet I lost you.” I look into his eyes. “I may not be well endowed in the places Sienna is nor as immoral but I loved you and you broke my heart into pieces. We were arranged Anthony and you left me for her.” He sighs, placing a hand on my hip and the other by my head still pinning me to the wall. “I never wanted to ruin you. I simply couldn’t think of settling down and having children just yet. But if you must know my adventures are over and there is nothing left with her. I’ve pulled my fundings and sold my lodgings I had with her.” He leans in closer and I can feel his hot breath on my lips. “The moment I found out Simon and Y/n Basset had arrived once again I had too. I know you might not ever forgive me nor want to be with me again but there’s one thing I must do before you leave me this time. I do apologize in advance for what I am about to do.” Before I can even begin to speak I feel his soft luscious lips upon mine in a heated kiss. At first my eyes widen but I ease into the kiss closing them and denying him any entrance, I can feel his soft tounge push against my lower lip before he nibbles on it cause me to gasp. He takes this opportunity and slides tongue into my mouth exploring it as if he would never be able to again.

I can feel his hand move to hold under my chin as we kiss passionately. My heads spinning and I cannot gather my thoughts as our kiss become more than just that as his other hand picks up my leg from under my thigh and pulls me closer to him. I lean my body towards his craving friction as I can feel desire pool from me. I place my hand on his chest and push him away. “A-Anthony! How dare you?! I-I... I cannot believe you’d try to fool me yet again.” My reflex’s strike first as I go to smack him and with his hand he had under my chin he grabs my hand mid air. “Darling I am not fooling you, I simply cannot contain myself anymore from something I’ve desired always.” His hand drops mine as he places that same hand on my cheek to stroke it then down my neck and over the tops of my chest before it trails down to my leg lifting the other and wrapping them both around his waist. “Y/n I’ve thought of you everytime... I know it’s insane but I thought maybe if I just let my primal instincts out I’d stop craving you so.. but it never happened it got worse, I’ve reflected on what I’ve done to you and how I’ve hurt you. I apologize but I want you to be mine I cannot bare to see you with another man nor have him touch the soft lips of my angel. I will not sit back any longer as just the man you hate I want you to love me once more and I will do whatever it takes.” I shake my head and a tear roll down my cheek. “Anthony I cannot I am to be married to someone else if I accept his proposal. I’ve moved on and you should too my lord I am not the Lady for you anymore. We shouldn’t even be this close.” I place a hand on his cheek. “You must let me go, it will hurt but it’s what best for us both.” He kisses me once more. “Please Y/n just one chance give me one chance and I promise you I’ll be the perfect husband I’ll give you whatever you desire from dresses to jewels, to children my love. Bare my children grow a family with me like we had always talked about. Please don’t leave me I understand I do not deserve you.” With your legs still around his waist he holds your weight with one hand as the other goes around to hold you close as he kisses your neck. “Tell me to stop and I will.” I gasp, “Anthony please... I- I.... I never stopped loving you but...” “No buts my love just say yes to marrying me. This time I will not run from my duties not let you down just say yes.” “Y-yes Anthony Bridgerton I will marry you under the condition you can win back my brothers approval.” He smiles and spins us around laughing he sets me down on my feet and places his hand on my face kissing me deeply. “An easy task said and done love.”

[undermattsun-archive]

mouth

(skate rat) kunimi x reader | word count: 1.8k

a/n: i said i was writing a drabble, a simple short slice,, wtf happened?? anyway ty @bakatenshii​ for putting up w my spam about this <3

18+ university age | pls read all warnings

warnings: drug use (weed), bad words, bad (slightly toxic) behavior, toxic relationships, a bit of blood

now with its sequels taste + savor

Oikawa’s parties were never really your scene, considering the amount of greasy touch-starved skaters that were crawling around and all the bad decisions you’ve made with them in the past, you really should’ve tried your best to avoid any function thrown by him. But the promise of some mindless fun after a grueling week of finals made it worth swinging by, even for an hour or so.

You’re seated on the arm of the beat-up old couch near the front door, giving you the perfect seat to watch various people of differing sobriety fall in and out of the party.

Just as the desperate scene of Matsukawa coming on to the fourth girl of the night unfolds before you, there’s the familiar burn of eyes boring into you, acutely aware of who it might be. 

For a moment you wonder if standing your ground would be better, thwarted by your own body moving without a second thought and making a desperate attempt to avoid simple eye contact, you sacrifice your perch,  hoping to find someone that you didn’t have a complicated history with.

“Trying to run?” Cool fingers wrap around your wrist, forcing a groan to escape your lips. It was a mystery how someone who was high most of the time and never wanted to expend any energy could move that quickly across a room.

“Running implies I’m scared, avoiding would be the better term,” you try to pull away from his grip, only to have him tighten his hold forcing you to turn and glare into his hooded eyes, “what do you want?”

“A hello maybe, not nice to ignore me.” He relents his hold and you roll your eyes, he looks deceptively good tonight. You can’t help but take in his appearance, grimacing when you notice he’s wearing the oversized black Champion hoodie you’d given him for his birthday, when you were still on semi-decent terms.

“Yeah about that, I only say hi to people who don’t fuck me over.” You try to move away from him but he quickly crowds into your space, focusing a calculating look on you.

“Fuck you over how?” His expression shifts, he’s giving you that look, the one he gives whenever he has you pinned against a surface and taking everything he wants from you. 

The look he gives before you can’t help but surrender completely to him.

“Forget it, just leave me alone.” You try to look around him, trying to find a familiar face, someone you could cling onto to avoid this uncomfortable confrontation and your inevitable downfall right into his hands.

You shove at his chest and slip by him, deciding that leaving completely would be the best option, only to have hands grip at your waist and pull you back harshly. You land on the couch with a soft thump about to send another scathing comment his way when you notice him reaching behind the couch, pulling out a clear glass bong with a skull engraved on it.

The sight of it fills you with another wave of irritation and nostalgia, another present from you to him, another instance of you practically on your knees begging for his attention. You know this is your real cue to leave, that the second you start smoking with him you’ll truly be putty in his hands.

“Just one or two hits,” he hums, already sensing your hesitation, he pulls out a half empty plastic water bottle and a dime bag, “I'm sure you stressed yourself out this week.”

“Mm how considerate of you.” You shift slightly in your seat, positioning yourself better in case you decide to really escape this time.

“You look good.” It’s nonchalant and almost half-hearted but it still causes a slight tingle to run down your spine. You hate the way his feigned disinterest always has you wanting more, all the times he’s looked at you with rapt attention only to coat it with impassivity a moment later making you crave more and more of him. The imagery fills your head and makes your mouth dry. You push the thoughts away, you’re here to smoke some of his weed, and then leave nothing more.

“Don’t,” he looks up from his ministrations to raise a brow at you, “‘m not playing your games tonight.”

“Fine, you look like shit.'' He hands you the bong and you consider smashing it, but it’d only be a waste of your money and good weed.

“Lighter.” You touch the mouthpiece to your bottom lip and stare at him expectantly. He shakes his head and twirls the lighter in his fingers.

“Payment.” A smug look crosses his features and the temptation to throw the bong itches at your hands again.

“I hate you.” It’s under your breath and both of you know that despite how irritated you are with him, you don’t mean it in the slightest, you never do. You hook your finger onto the collar of his hoodie and tug him forward, slamming your lips together in a chaste kiss, the moment his lips part against yours has you pulling away.  

“Hm? That was too short and sweet for you,” you snort at the comment and try to take the lighter from him, he shakes his head and turns the bong so the bowl is facing him, “you’re just gonna fuck it up and hurt yourself let me.”

“Whatever.” You fix your lips properly, holding eye contact with him as he lights the bowl, inhaling deeply, letting the smoke crawl down your throat and invade your lungs. He grins at you as he pulls the bowl from it, letting you clear it out.

You hold the smoke for a moment, and just as you’re about to blow it out, Kunimi snatches the bong from you and sets it down by the couch, surging forward and capturing your lips. His hand flies up and squeezes at your cheeks as he licks into your mouth, forcing your jaw to drop. His other arm curls around your waist, not bothering to put up a fight as he maneuvers you onto his lap.

Your hands press against him and you finally exhale slowly into his mouth, feeling his chest swell slowly beneath your palms. There’s a pause in his movements, leaving you to think he’ll pull away, only for him to continue his greedy exploration with his villainous tongue. 

Though you’d never say it out loud, you’ve always been impressed by his lungs but the lack of oxygen begins to make your chest tighten and your head feel a little too light.

“Fuck wait.” You gasp, pulling away and resting your forehead against his. His hand drops from your face and slips under the hem of your shirt letting his fingers dance across the small of your back.

“For what?” He nips at your bottom lip, trying to get you to retaliate but you narrow your eyes at him.

“Apologize first.” You drive your index finger into his chest and he scoffs.

“I don't do that,” he leans forward and sinks his teeth into your neck, making you yelp out, you hiss as he pulls off and licks at the raw skin, “take me or leave me.”

“Fuckin’ asshole.” You tangle your fingers in his hair and yank harshly, pulling him into a kiss that’s more teeth and tongue than anything. You feel his fingers continue to massage your back while his other hand runs up and down your thigh.

If you aren’t going to get an apology, you figure there’s other ways to get a bit of retribution. You dig your teeth into his bottom lip, grinning against him when you feel the taste of iron spread across your tongue. his hand on your thigh squeezes tightly making you gasp, only allowing him to delve his tongue further into your mouth, acting as though he has a right to it. 

“Bong.” He rasps as he pulls away from you, you take a moment to admire the crimson staining his lips. Reaching down you swipe up the bong, handing it to him and scooting back to avoid being burnt. Watching quietly as he fixes it against his mouth, lighting it and taking a long drag.

It was disgusting really, he always looked  good like this, the only thing rivaling this expression was that faintly proud look he got in his eyes whenever he landed a trick. He pulls the bong away and holds it to the side, looking up at you and tilting his head. 

“What?” You frown as you watch his eyes flicker to your mouth, his message loud and clear. with a sigh you inch forward, letting your lips part, you jump slightly when he surges forward to slot his mouth against yours. You inhale slowly as he exhales, reveling in the taste of the weed and his tongue moving across yours.

“You two sure know how to make it seem like you’re the only ones in the room,” you pull away once more, the two of you turning to look at Iwaizumi settling on the couch beside you, “just wanted to warn you that Mattsun is threatening to come join you two.”

“Tch like hell he is.” Kunimi pulls you closer against his body, only making you groan at the sudden wave of possessiveness.

“You’re not my boyfriend.” You really have no interest in letting Mattsun’s slimy fingers and dirty dick anywhere near you, but skipping out on the opportunity to piss Kunimi off, even just a little, would be a waste. you raise a brow as his head falls back against the couch, reddening eyes observing you lazily.

“You want me to be or something?” You ignore the snicker that falls from Iwaizumi beside you two and narrow your eyes at the man underneath you.

“So you can fuck off and forget i exist for another month again? Yeah right.” The flash of anger fades quickly when you start to feel the headiness that comes with your high swirl through you. 

“I'll make it up to you,” the statement punctuated with both of his hands sliding further up your shirt, “mouth.”

“Kunimi.”

“Mouth.” you swipe your tongue over your lips before relenting, letting your jaw drop and your tongue loll out a bit. He swipes his tongue against yours before sucking it into his mouth. He lets out a low groan as you grind down against him and throw your arms around his neck desperately trying to deepen the kiss.

“Don’t fuck down here again, Oikawa’s room should still be open, he keeps striking out anyway.” You kick your leg blindly, satisfied when you feel your foot make contact and hearing Iwaizumi letting out a curse. 

“Oikawa’s?” Kunimi mutters against your lip, and you hum in agreement, sliding off his lap and pulling him along with you. 

“I better not be able to walk tomorrow or I’m never talking to you again.”

[theseshipsshallsail]

Chapter 1

The revelry from the bookstore leaves a heady buzz of la libertà flowing through their veins, and as the crescent moon climbs higher in a pin-pricked sky, Rome’s labyrinthine streets bear witness to the loss of their remaining inhibitions. Drunken kisses give way to drunken dancing - and unfortunate drunken vomiting - but the ancient cobbles are their compass on this ferragosto evening, steering them back to the complicit safety of their hotel. 

The stale scent of sex still lingers in the room, yet tempted as they are to add to it, the prospect of their imminent separation is a sobering force. Elio’s body is heavy with exhaustion. The oppressive tightness in his chest magnified by all that he’s trying to ignore. Their time is borrowed. Soon, all of this will be naught but memory. The man beside him nothing but a ghost. Haunting his every step with visions of a life denied. A future obfuscated by what-ifs and maybes.   

He refuses to sleep, however. Refuses to sacrifice a single minute to unconsciousness in spite of the grappa’s siren call. Absurd though it is, a part of him dreads waking up alone. That Oliver will disappear like a thief in the night - taking what’s left of his shattered heart with him. His guards are down - all his pretences stripped away - but here they are, stretched out on a too-small bed, solemn fingers caressing familiar skin. Worshipping each other by words, if not by the flesh. 

And it isn’t easy. Of course it isn’t. Elio’s an individuo reservato. A trait he’s uncomfortably aware of. But he can’t let that stop him from spilling his innermost thoughts. From divulging the things he wishes he’d done differently. Or not at all. In some aspects, he’s sure he’s repeating himself, but there’s just so much he needs Oliver to hear. Things he never dared tell him previously - never deemed vital - when the end of their summer idyll was a nebulous concept.  

Like how he’d leave the adjoining door open at night, hoping beyond hope that Oliver would walk through it. Or that afternoon at the tennis courts, when he’d recoiled from his massage for fear of leaning into the frisson of excitement. Needs him to understand his visceral reaction the morning after they first slept together. The crippling anxiety that twisted his intentions, necessitating a hasty - if short-lived - retreat. Wants to beg him not to forget. To remember everything. So that when next he tastes the salt-tang of the ocean upon his lips, the sweetness of apricot juice beneath a cloudless yonder, a piece of Elio - nevermind how fleeting - will slip into that parallel life, too.

All his secrets. 

All his worries. 

All he’s put off for later. 

A futile notion, admittedly, now that there is no later. 

No more chance for postponement. 

Thankfully, he isn’t the only one speaking, and Oliver lays his own regrets out like a hand of cards whenever he stumbles into a tongue-tied silence. His forearm is slung around his waist, their legs tangled at the knees, and Elio drowns in his eyes as he recalls the steely glares that once pierced him to the core, but which he now appreciates were a means of self-defence. An attempt to stave off the unavoidable.

“Did you mean it?” he whispers, twisting Oliver’s Star of David between his fingertips as he burrows into the sticky warmth of his neck. “When you said you’d been happy here?”

“How can you even ask me that?” 

“How can I not?” Elio replies, failing to control the tremor in his voice. “You tried to keep your distance when you arrived. It was me who sought you out. If I hadn’t pushed so hard -”

“I’d have probably spent ten more days kicking myself for my cowardice,” Oliver tells him, dropping kisses to his knuckles as though they’re something to be cherished. “Wearing holes in my espadrilles… trying to hide a semi each time you passed by in those swim trunks...”

Elio snorts. “The feeling’s mutual, mon ami.”

“So we’re both idiots, then?”

“Well… one of us was being purposefully difficult...”

“Goose,” Oliver growls, and Elio giggles despite himself when he’s tickled without mercy. “I’ll show you purposefully difficult.”

It soon devolves into a childish wrestling match, Elio’s wrists pinned above him as Oliver scrabbles along his sides, leaving him bow-taut and winded. “Tutto apposto! Enough!”

“You give?”

“I give,” he says, lungs heaving in his chest. “Dio… I shouldn’t have asked.”

“Nonsense.” Oliver rolls to the side, tipping his chin up to better meet his eyes. ”This is new to us both. It’s only natural to have doubts.”

Elio huffs. “Doubt is the father of inventions.”

“And may I ask what you’re inventing?”

An awkward shrug. “Nothing,” Elio says, afraid his misgivings will lead them down a destructive path. “And everything. You know how my brain works.”

“I do, yes.” Oliver brushes a thumb over his bottom lip. “Though for my sins, I’ve yet to find cause for complaint.”

“Déviant.” 

“Takes one to know one.”

Elio nips at the tormenting digit, not quite ready to let the subject go. “I want to hear it,” he murmurs, teeth scraping the nail. “I think I need to hear it.”

“Elio…”

“Just tell me,” he insists, and sighing, Oliver pinches the bridge of his nose. 

“It’s complicated.”

“Isn’t it always?” 

Impatience flares at the return of his evasiveness, and the remorse in Oliver’s gaze is immediate. “We never talked much about my family, did we?” he asks, and Elio shakes his head, shuffling closer as Oliver draws a shuddering breath. “My parents, they’re.... well. To describe them as traditional would be a kindness,” he continues. “Our relationship has been strained for years, but they have certain... expectations, I suppose. For my future, specifically. You know how it is.”

“Do I?” Elio asks, stiffening as I'm sure I'll pay for it somehow echoed from the not so distant past. 

The implication is clear, and maybe there are razor blades in his expression, because Oliver’s own turns instantly apologetic. “I guess not,” he says, sliding a conciliatory hand to his hip. “Do you have any idea how lucky you are?”

Elio frowns. “In what way?”

“With your folks,” Oliver explains. “My father would cart me off to a correctional facility.” A beat. “He still might.” 

“Only if he finds out,” his traitorous mouth blurts before his alleged genius can catch up, and Elio’s heart sinks. “But he won’t, will he?”

It’s less a question, more a statement, and Oliver’s jaw clenches as he stares at him in silent concession. “I wish things could be different.”

“I know,” Elio says, the words braver than the sentiment behind them. “Me too.”  

But the universe isn’t that lenient. Like Icarus, they’ve flown too near to the sun, and the consequences of such defiance will see their wings clipped once they crash back down to earth. He’d cautioned himself on the journey south to prepare for the blow. Peered out the grimy window of the direttissimo, knowing that when he next stands on the platform he’ll be alone. That he’ll hate it. Those rehearsals, it seems, have done little to dull the pain of what’s to come, and latent superstition has left him fumbling in the dark, regardless.

“E’ la vita,” Elio says, resorting to self-preservation as he dredges up a smile - the over-bright, false one he’s perfected through years of dinner drudgery. “Why risk it all for a bit of fun, right?”

“Don’t do that.” Apparently Elio’s not the only one who can see through a facade. “You mean more to me than some fling, and you know it.”

“But -” 

“No. Hear me out.” Earnest, Oliver smooths the hair from Elio’s temple. “These past six weeks… I don’t know how to describe how important they were to me. The freedom. The acceptance.” His throat bobs in the grey strokes of dawn. “You.”

“Me?” 

“Us.” Oliver fidgets with a loose thread on Elio’s shirt. “I meant it,” he mutters at last, winding an errant curl around the index finger of his other hand. “I have been happy here. I’ve been happy with you.” He hesitates. A quick flash of indecision. “I’m not sure I was ever really happy before you.” 

“Please don’t say that.”

“It’s the truth.”

“Per carità! That only makes it worse,” Elio says, whirling away to hide in Oliver’s collar. The sour musk of sweat is soaked into the material, and he inhales deeply, hoarding every piece of him while he still can. “You are the very best parts of me,” he confesses, lifting his head. “I don’t know what I’ll do when -”

“Hey…” Oliver’s grip tightens. “Didn’t we go over this? You’ll be -”

“Fine. You said.”

“Clearly it bears repeating.” 

Elio touches his face. Watches the ripples of emotion spread out like a pebble cast into the lake. “And you?” he returns, recollecting that night on the rock. His naivety in presuming Oliver’s ghost wouldn’t always be staring out at the horizon. Rodin’s Thinker clad in billowy cotton. “You’ll be okay?”

A breath. “I’ll be okay.”

Elio’s not sure which of them he’s trying to convince, so he kisses him gently in lieu of examining it further, his stomach flipping when Oliver pulls back with an air of exquisite softness. “What time do we need to be at the airport?” he asks, seeking sanctuary in distraction. “You have your passport, sì?”

“I do,” Oliver says, studying him carefully. “The plane leaves at noon. But don’t feel you have to -” He stops. Swallows. Tries again. “You don’t have to see me off. Not if you don’t want -”

“I want.”

“Elio -”

“Non essere ridicolo. I’m coming,” he tells him, fighting a shiver as the cool breeze from the window brings goosebumps to his skin. “Of course I’m coming.” 

The relentless tick of the clock rings loud in the sudden silence, and Elio raises up on his elbow, only for Oliver to cup his cheek before he can turn towards the wall. 

“Don’t look,” he whispers, sounding choked as he double checks the time on his watch. “It’s ten minutes fast at any rate.”

“Ten minutes?” Elio laughs. Slightly unhinged. “What difference does that make? Ten? Twenty? You still have to leave.”

He detests the unspoken word that hovers between them. The entire phrase a sullen admission of weakness: you still have to leave me.

“Don’t think of it like that,” Oliver murmurs, one hand stroking the base of his spine. ”We have a few hours yet.” 

Elio sniffs. “Not like they’ll matter tomorrow.”

“Maybe not. But they matter right now.” Oliver nudges their foreheads together. “Every second, Elio.” 

“Every second, Elio,” he echoes numbly, if only to call him by his name one last time.

He’s shaking, he realises, though in all honesty he doesn’t care that his vulnerabilities are on display. That Oliver can see how lost in him he really is. That the situation is gutting him, and he’s unable to stop the bleeding. His chest feels concave. The space below his ribs too small to contain the sheer need and protectiveness that washes through him. He wants to shelter Oliver from the storm that lies ahead. To house him beneath his breast where the burdens of this world cannot touch him. Encapsulate everything Oliver is within the confines of himself, meagre as those confines might be.

But what can he do? Implore him to stay? Ask him to give up his doctorate? His career? His responsibilities? And for what? A life in the shadows? Always looking over their shoulders. Always that sense of shame.

He thinks of the pink and yellow lilies that bloom in the giardino back in B. The delicate petals that unfurl for such a brief period of time. There’s something recherché, he knows, in such transitory beauty, yet Elio’s never lacked for stubbornness. Oliver may believe his story is already written - that their destiny is forged in stone - but no one’s ever survived a freefall by continuing to spiral. 

For something so tragically temporary, their bond has left a permanent mark. And Elio? He wants to beat his fists against this odious ending until they’re bloodied and raw.

[yournameyn]

Feeling Deeply Chapter 5

Genre: Arranged Marriage Fic. Fluff turning into angst?

Pairing: Namjoon x OC

Summary: The story of two deeply feeling nerds who find themselves in an arranged marriage. (Details here). Our OC is called Brishti. It’s a Bengali name meaning rain. Namjoon calls her Rim (short for her pet name, RimJhim which means the pitter-patter of rain). She calls him Joon.

Warnings: NOT THE NAMJOON OF OUR DREAMS. Argument. Fight over tiny discrepancies that turn out to be a huge problem. Domestic violence. Not a happy chapter.

A/N: Have you ever felt this, reader? When you watch something and realise exactly what you need to realise in that moment? I’ve had that so many times - seeing my feelings mirrored in a show. That’s something that I’ve tried to have Brishti feel here. Also, this is how I see the natural progression of this Namjoon, the one who obliged to duty rather than his dreams. It took me a long time to write this but I love what’s come out. Let me know what you think!

Current Chapter: London, late 1963. Love fully blooms between Namjoon and Brishti. And yet, something’s not right. A visit to the ballet and a conversation brings forth realisations. The inklings that Brishti was trying to avoid transform into writing on the wall.

Previously in Feeling Deeply: Preface Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4

Chapter 5

The magic about new love isn’t really in romance or even in true intimacy. It’s in how violent new love is… and just how much time it takes us to feel it’s impact.

In the new love between Namjoon and Brishti, everything had been roses and honey, overflowing, swaying in a gentle breeze. They spent every second possible in each other’s arms. They had to tear themselves away from each other when they had to leave home. And even then, it hurt as though they were part of the same cloth.

Brishti had thought about how they had become woven, their souls an ornate tapestry. Namjoon had told her then about a Japanese tradition of weaving that was a sort of meditation and a kind of worship to a god called ‘Musubi’. The disciples say it is like being part of the cosmic tapestry. Being tied to each other.

“Just like we are… I felt a pull toward you and I followed it. I was scared… so full of doubts about who you were and how this was all going to go… I had promised myself that I would fulfil my duty… whatever happened ” Namjoon had said, petting Brishti’s hand gently, “And I… I still can’t believe it… It… you make me feel like I can… trust myself.” Brishti had looked at her genius then and wondered what a strange world it must be that made a man like Namjoon doubt himself, “Always, always trust yourself, Namjoon-ah.” and settled into the crook of his neck.

It was indeed a strange world that caused Namjoon to build an armour around himself. Because ‘London’ and ‘Lonely’ sounded just the same to him. His years alone in this strange place had been unkind, unrelenting. Brishti had been the only softness he had felt in a long long time. Armours built over years can break in an instant, though. For him, it was the moment when he and his wife had crossed the threshold to becoming lovers. High on the magic of new love, he had not realised it.

Sitting across from each other after that fateful evening, Namjoon and Brishti were both wide awake in the early hours of the next morning. Brishti buttoned up the shirt they never fully took off. Namjoon had tickled her with his toes. They propped their feet against the other’s to see just how vast the difference was (he melted seeing how small her feet were and hadn’t stopped playing with them since). Caressing each toe, he remembered something he wanted to ask -

“How did you know what Saranghae is?”

“Mm…” she stretched her arms, “I know what it means…” Brishti said.

“I know you know… from the way you… after I said it… You asked Yoongi about it?” Namjoon cautiously asked about the only other Korean Brishti knew. To his surprise, she nodded no, still denying him any information. Namjoon had to tickle her foot for the answer.

“Okay! Okay! Wait! Pleeeease!” Namjoon stopped and Brishti bent down to the bureau next to her bed and pulled out a textbook - LEARN HANGUL THROUGH ENGLISH. Namjoon looked more shocked than she had expected. “I asked Yoongi about the book-”

“You don’t need to Rim… I’m not learning Bangla, am I?” Namjoon said. He was touched but he didn’t want his love to do anything he couldn’t reciprocate.

“I would have asked you to learn it… if I wrote poetry in my mothertongue...” Brishti said. Namjoon was shocked. She went on, “You really think I didn’t know?”

Namjoon blushed and smiled and flopped over in Brishti’s lap. She brushed his hair as she explained, “You light up at the mention of lyrics and poetry, you keep a notebook by your side at all times, you’re moved by the things that people usually don’t pay attention to… I know you’re a poet, Joonie.”

Namjoon looked up at her and said, “No one has ever called me that…”

Brishti leaned down and kissed her gorgeous husband. “You are... From what I know, I bet all my books that you are a great one... And… I… I would love nothing more than to be part of your world of words, Joonie… It must be strange… to be understood but in a foreign language. If you would let me, I want to understand you in your language… Do you think that’s something maybe--”

He got up and all but jumped on Brishti, pinning her down to the bed with the cutest puppy-yell she had ever heard. “Yes! Of course, yes!”

They both understood that this was a proposal. The truest kind - a gentle request to explore Namjoon’s universe. They would later joke about how she proposed to him after a month of being married. Namjoon was completely delighted by this person with him, his person… one who really saw him.

He pulled her to him saying, “You’re the best part of my world, Rim...” and kissed her.

Each moment of love flowed through the next. When they had to be separated, they couldn’t wait for the next one, their moment again. On weekends they would visit museums and find their favourite paintings and sculpture or their favourite prehistoric relic and animal. Brishti hated the fact that Namjoon had to work overtime to compensate for these weekends and she often voiced how unfair it was.

In response Namjoon would just give her a peck and say, “As long as I have you, I’m happy.” This pricked her but she was too taken by the man before her to pay heed to it.

Namjoon was just about able to keep a straight face at work but everyone around Brishti was acutely aware of how much she loved Namjoon.

At one point, her colleague and best friend, Min Yoongi had yelled at her, “Yhaaaaa! Stop blushing?! It’s just a clock… what could be romantic about a clock?!” Sayuri-san, and she were hanging around Yoongi’s table when Brishti looked at his new flip clock and started blushing.

Brishti laughed along with everyone else but explained, “It’s involuntary… that’s what happens when you’re married to a poet.”

Sayuri-san corrected, “I know too many wives of poets to know that’s not necessarily true… It is true though, when you’re in love with a poet… Go on… tell us how exactly poet Namjoon makes you blush about a clock...”

Brishti blushed even more at that. Yoongi rubbed his arms and demanded, “Tell us because there’s some really weird things coming to my mind… like you guys have an exact time when...”

Brishti stopped his imagination, “No no no… it’s nothing like that… he loves digital clocks... because he loves to watch the time turn to 00:00… zero o’clock he calls it… and on days he feels sad, it’s like zero o’clock is always there to comfort him… like it’s a point when the whole world holds its breath and he can feel happy again… but these days… with me… he said he wants the clock to keep going after 23:59… he wishes time would stretch on… beyond 24:01…”

Yoongi sighed and sat back down, “You’re making me fall in love with Namjoon… ahhh that is beautiful. He should be published...”

“Imagine him saying this directly to you and you might know how I feel… I can’t stop talking about him...”

“Oh, we know. But honestly none of us care… your poet-librarian romance is getting us through our single-ness.” Yoongi reassured her.

The three of them continued to talk about the ways in which Brishti could repay Namjoon’s wordsmithing in graphic ways.

It was that evening, wasn’t it, when Namjoon had enveloped her back in the warmest hug as soon as he’d entered their flat. Brishti was in the kitchen when she heard him enter but hadn’t expected this. He kissed her neck while telling her the good news, “We got our first Korean client today… because of me… Mmmm… Why do you always smell so amazing?”

Brishti turned around and hugged him again, “That’s amazing! Namjoon-ssi! I’m so proud of you!”

“He’s from a wealthy family… so he can actually afford our firm… its not exactly the work I wanted to do--”

“It is a step toward that idea, right? It’s still good work, fighting for justice?” Brishti asked, stopping him from undermining his own work.

Namjoon nodded, “Yeah… He’s a dancer… Park Jimin. All the posh types know him as one of the best dancers in the Royal Ballet. They call him Jim… as if it’s too difficult to say Jimin?” Namjoon shook his head in disapproval. He began helping Brishti with the chopping and continued, “He was born in the UK and trained since he was 5... He got into the Royal Ballet but he’s been passed up to be a principal over and over even though everyone who has seen him dance apparently knows that he’s far far better… So recently he spoke to the director there... and of course the director made a racist slur and asked not to bother him with this again. He can’t even quit and work at another company because of the contract they have him on. There’s a non compete clause… meaning he won’t be able to dance with any other company. That’s all he wants… to be able to get out of that contract… I’m hoping to convince him to press charges on racial discrimination too. We’re not in the 20s anymore.”

When Brishti didn’t respond, Namjoon looked up at her. “That’s horrible… I’m so so glad you’re taking up the case. But please tell me what you ate when you were alone?” He looked down at the carrot he’d been failing to cut.

Namjoon scrunched his nose and admitted, “Canned food mostly.”

Brishti said, “I’m really really glad you’re getting to do work that you are passionate about, Joonie, you deserve it. Now, you should know how to cut a carrot.”

Namjoon pressed up against Brishti’s back. She reached back up to the nape of his neck and made him moan into her. Then… then Namjoon made her forget how to cut carrots.

He had these ways… Namjoon, with his touch, his voice, his languages both spoken and soundless. He was lighting new paths into her self. She loved learning him. Paths she didn’t know existed, that she’d been longing for.

The scars of the loneliness, emptiness that Namjoon had experienced had turned his longings into a kind of starvation. He needed to be nourished and also devoured. Brishti was just the creature to do it. He could feel her warm fingers trace rows of pleasure onto his skin. He felt them bear down and singe when the two of them had to move away from each other. He felt those ropes tug at him as the end of his workday neared. Namjoon closed his eyes each night at her touch, the feeling and fragrance of her body. He felt blooms of intimacy spring up like seedlings out of the soil of his skin. And deeper. In the earth of his soul. So he did the only thing he could. Reciprocate. Namjoon sowed his love, his desire, his need onto her, into her every night.

There were times, though, when she would feel his absence in the middle of the night and see him working in the dim light of a lamp. She knew he had to work hard to do what he wanted but she also saw he had to continually prove himself to people who weren’t even paying attention. The reason they weren’t paying attention was painfully clear to Brishti but she was yet to experience it’s full stab.

Namjoon wanted to shield her from it. He was counting on an armour that didn’t exist anymore to protect himself and his wife… the reason he liked his life again. Whenever she came out and switched on a brighter light, reprimanding him for straining his gorgeous eyes, he saw that it did prick her - this world and the unfairness he had to endure. She would say something small, an almost-complaint that alerted him… against her for some strange reason. She would say something that would be easy to ignore and yet would prick him, like - “I don’t know why they haven’t promoted you yet.” or “Why haven’t they taken up Jimin’s case yet? You’ve worked so hard on it.” Everytime she did that, he would have to pacify himself.

‘I’ve told her so much about the Jimin case… she’s just really invested’ Namjoon thought to himself. Just so he would avoid thinking, ‘I shouldn’t have told her.’

He would have to calm himself, give her a peck and try to convince her to stop worrying. “As long as I have you, I’m happy.” Namjoon would always say.

Then, Brishti smiled as she always did. While trying to understand why that sentence bothered her so much. After almost five months of exploring this wonderful man, some part of him still felt unfamiliar… like it didn’t fit in with the rest. Still, these things take time, she had heard from so many women over the years. Besides, she was blessed with a man far far above the norms. So, how could she prod? These are things Brishti had told herself - until the night she couldn’t stay silent.

The couple was coming up on their fifth month together and Park Jimin had gifted Namjoon a ticket to the final show of the season as a token of gratitude, for having heard his story.

Brishti was nervous about going to this kind of a gathering and had told her husband to meet her there.

She had enlisted the help of Sayuri-san to look appropriate for the event. Her slightly longer hair was clipped and her eyes were kohled. She wore a burgundy knee length fringe-ended dress that she had received from her gracious host, stylist and make-up artist - an inheritance of her brilliant life tucked into the black pearl beading and deco design. It was a big departure from the usual tie-die or band tees and jeans with her baggy coat. She had carried the coat but felt this strange sort of compulsion to stand in the cold air in the noodle strap dress, for him to see her.

She felt butterflies in her stomach and kept fiddling with the coat she had draped over her arm. It was electric when she saw him.

Namjoon looked gorgeous in a tux. All of Brishti’s nerves were soothed just by looking at him. He had brushed his hair back. Tall and dashing - better than any heathcliffe could ever be. And with his reading glasses, he looked like the lead of a romance novella that would make all the women swoon. Indeed she was swooning. Brishti was suddenly warm in the chilly, windy night. And when Namjoon saw her, blood rushed to her cheeks. Everything inside her was running helter skelter in a panic. Brishti felt everything drop in the few moments it took for Namjoon to reach the top of the stairs. Dolled up like this, outside of her element, she felt like an imposter. Some angel needed to be standing in her place. For the first time, feigning beauty, Brishti felt like she wasn’t worthy of her husband.

She was finally able to keep her feelings aside when he reached her.

Namjoon kissed her palm like a gentleman and whispered in her ear, “Let’s go home… I need a private kind of dance…” Brishti blushed. Namjoon put his arm around her and felt the chill that had settled on her skin. “Aren’t you cold? Why didn’t you wear the coat?” Namjoon asked. Brishti just shook her head no and the two of them walked in.

Brishti assumed that the ballet would be a welcome distraction from the storm that brewed within her. She had read up about the show, the piece they were going to perform -

Tchaikovsky’s venerated Swan Lake. The story of a young girl who falls in love with a prince who promises to save her but fails. Ofcourse there were finer nuances to the story but this was the basic plot. As the lights dimmed, Brishti felt pulled in by the music, the eerie beauty of it’s melody played in perfectly with the questions that were swirling around in Brishti’s mind -

Why do I feel wrong?

Is this what Yoongi was talking about? Anxiety…?

Why does Namjoon look so... different?

Why is he so quiet, so… distant…It’s like he’s keeping himself away from me despite being right next to me, arm in arm, like the true Namjoon is somewhere in a glass case? Deep deep beneath whatever this creature is who is next to me?

I’m thinking too much. No. What is this? Why am I feeling this way?

It’s the music… no its not just the music… something is fucking wrong because all I feel like doing is breaking that glass case that’s locked away My Namjoon and presented this fucking imposter. What the hell is going on?!

Brishti barely managed to keep it together. She kept her eyes on stage…

It was like seeing a moving painting being created by invisible hands and the music was the sound of the brushstrokes, amplified. Park Jimin was playing Rothbart, the owl-like magician who curses Odette into a swan until she finds someone who would promise to love her forever. The questions in her mind and the power of the spectacle before her forced her tears to keep flowing.

Namjoon saw Brishti cry and held on to her. But the more he tried to comfort her, the more uneasy she became, the more she coudln’t contain the tears in her eyes.

The curtain fell at the end of Act three when the prince realises he has been tricked. Brishti, somehow, mirrored his grief. The prince was cheated by Rothbart into believing that his daughter, Odile, was Odette. Rothbart relished his plan so despicably it made Brishti’s stomach turn. The prince had already declared to the ballroom full of people his vow to love and marry the maiden by his side - Odile, not Odette. Park Jimin played Rothbart so skillfully, so beautifully that despite being the villain, despite being covered from head to toe, he was the star. Rothbart giggled delightfully as he revealed to the prince that the girl in his arms wasn’t Odette at all. That Odette was waiting for her prince by the lake. The curtain fell as the prince felt the stab of betrayal and rushed to Odette.

Brishti rushed to where she did not know. She wanted to get away from Namjoon, from this feeling that she couldn’t understand, couldn’t explain. She was angry. She wanted to break something. Tears still flowing down her face, she found a corner that was hidden away in darkness. She went in. Brishti sat on the couch there, for what seemed like eternity, breathing heavily. Nothing made sense. It felt like her insides were twisting into each other. Suddenly, though, a door creaked open and out came an angel. A man, glowing, having just freshened up. He saw her, saw her fear and instead of pulling back in shock, approached with a strange kindness. He held her wrist and stayed silent for a moment.

His beauty was also a kindness to her. In that moment, Brishti could breathe a little bit better. He sat down by her knees, on the floor and when he spoke, his voice flowed like a tonic, “First time at the ballet? It’s overwhelming… I know. You’re okay. You are safe. Rothbart is not here. Talk to me… what are you feeling?”

The tears kept flowing. This man was different, she knew he understood what she was feeling like. She felt safe, but not as if she was with a saviour, rather as though she was with another victim.

“What are you feeling…” Park Jimin repeated. The pieces were falling into place in her head. This is Park Jimin, the man who danced as Rothbart. The man who should have danced the Prince. Who should have played Odette and Odile.

“I feel… rage.” Brishti trembled as she spoke. She could breathe again.

“Yes… Rothbart is… evil… I’m sorry-”

Brishti nodded her head no. “At the prince.”

Jimin was surprised. “Let it out. You can scream in here and no one would know.”

Brishti didn’t need another invitation, but her rage wasn’t a scream, it was a whisper - “I want to hit the prince. How could he not now? He couldn’t see that that girl was not Odette? Is he blind? The way she moved, the way she danced… which only means… it means that the prince knew… somewhere he felt doubt but he… He couldn’t fucking trust himself enough?! I don’t know why this is breaking my heart… Why can’t people trust in themselves?! It’s a pathetic fucking excuse and I can’t buy it… I just can’t. Why did the prince...” Her hands covered her face as she wiped her tears. She composed herself.

Jimin pulled out a kerchief. “May I?” Brishti nodded and he dabbed her face with care.

“The prince trusted his sight more than his soul. And now, Odette will die because of it. As always, the woman pays the price.”

“He dies too, you know.”

“What a waste…”

Jimin smiled, “Thank you… for watching the show, for feeling it so much.”

Brishti managed a weak smile, “Thank you.” Jimin stepped away and sat next to her, at a respectable distance. “I’m being lied to.”

Jimin nodded, “I know what that’s like. I feel that rage against the prince too. And still, we must be kind to our liars.”

Brishti clenched her teeth, “Why? Where’s the fairness in that?”

Jimin moves away, in a dejected kind of daze and pours himself a drink, “That’s the biggest lie, fairness. Cruel joke.”

Brishti walked toward the door. “I should go… Thank you.”

Jimin raised his glass to her.

Brishti wore her coat and walked toward the exit. She found Namjoon in a panic and suddenly felt like she could reach him. He looked so relieved to see her. She couldn’t help but feel awash with love as he crashed into her in the warmest hug. It was as if he was the one who was lost.

“Are you okay? Why were you crying?” Namjoon asked her as he stroked her head and held her in the hug for as long as she needed.

“I need to ask you something.” Brishti whispered as she pulled away. They began walking down the stairs of the theatre.

“Änything.” Namjoon replied.

“Your firm… they refused the Jimin case, right?”

Namjoon froze. His jaw locked up. “Let’s go home.”

The rest of the way, neither of them spoke a word. They entered their home in a cold silence. They washed the night off themselves and entered their bedroom, which was completely devoid of the heat and desire that usually filled it right up to the ceiling. What used to feel like an ocean, now felt like a vacuum.

When Namjoon walked in, Brishti reminded him, as kindly as she could,“I said I need to ask you something. You said, ‘anything’.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t want to talk about it.” Namjoon was cold again. Unfeeling. Unreachable.

Brishti tried her best to be calm… “When would you want to talk about it?”

Namjoon breathed in - “Why? Am I answerable to you?”

“Yes.”

“Well, we disagree. I don’t think I am answerable to you. What would you have done if I wouldn’t have told you about it in the first place?”

“I would still be feeling what I’m feeling… I would be even more furious though.”

“Fu- why would you be furious? I have to work there, I lost the account. I’m feeling hurt and disappointed in myself and instead of helping me, you’re angry?! What the hell could you be angry at?!”

“I’m being lied to. I’m being tricked.”

“What?!” the contempt on Namjoon’s face made her head throb. He was angry now.

“There are two Namjoons here. I’m being told there’s only one and--”

“That is some philosophical trash that you learned from one of your books. Real life doesn’t work that way. But how would you know?! You don’t have a real job. You have a hobby. A hobby of stacking books in order. You’re just plain lucky that someone is paying you for your hobby. That’s not a job. You of all people cannot tell me about the things I have to do to keep my job. I have tried my best to be as honest as I can be--”

“As honest as you can --”

“Listen to me!” Namjoon thundered. His loud voice might as well have been a punch. It rang through her body and rattled her bones. She had tears in her eyes but clenched them down as Namjoon continued yelling, “Enough… enough with the fucking tears. What the fuck are you so sad about?! I don’t need you to pity me. I don’t need anyone to feel sad for me. I have tried to be a good man - do you even know how much other men don’t even mention to their wives?! I told you everything. EVERYTHING. And now I’m being punished for it. Time and time again I tried to console you… even though I was the one hurting… I tried to be there for you and tell you… as long as I have --”

Brishti couldn’t take it anymore “Don’t. Say that.” She didn’t yell. Her voice was just above a whisper and yet it sent a chill down Namjoon’s spine. She wiped her tears. “I didn’t ask to be consoled. I was just… curious. If a few questions from me hurt so much maybe you should ask yourself why. I’m not lucky that someone decided to pay me for my hobby. It’s nice to know what you really think of my job. But whatever you think, I created my job. I created my life. I fought to come to london. I fought for the right to earn--”

“Oh please... spare me the feminist lecture...” scoffed Namjoon.

“Sure. Take up Jimin’s case.”

Namjoon felt the burn of white hot rage. He wanted to strangle her. He was so used to touching her… and she was his… in this bedroom, he had made her his. He wasn’t thinking. Namjoon strode toward her and held one massive palm over her mouth and the other on her neck and pinned her to the wall. “YOU WOULDN’T HAVE KNOWN ABOUT THAT IF I DIDN’T TELL YOU.”

It took him a few moments to realise what he was doing. Brishti was shocked and tried to scream but no voice came out. She was trying to get him out of his daze when he finally saw her, saw his Rim, horrified… by him. Namjoon pulled his hands back instantly. He saw a red bruise bloom where his hands were - on her face and on her neck.

“This is how you make your conscience shut up?” Brishti’s voice was hoarse. “You think this has nothing to do with your conscience? With the best part of you? The part that you made me fall in love with? Are you really telling me you don’t know that this is why you can’t write the way you used to… You’re killing my Joon and asking me to stay silent. I can’t.”

The searing anger still hadn’t died and it burst out of him, “Why are we fighting like this… over Jimin… why don’t you take up his case if you fucking love him so much?”

“What do you think I’m doing right now?”

“You… Why are you fighting for him against me?!” It was here that Namjoon realised his armour was gone. The idea of who he is... suddenly vanished. And the one thing that had made him feel safe, like his true self, was slipping away. “You’re saying… just tell me… you’re saying what I think you’re saying.”

Brishti did him the only kindness she had left in her, she explained, “Jimin wants to leave but can’t. He stays because he needs to dance. He stays because he cannot get out of his contract. You say you want to help people like Jimin, you roll your eyes at white people who can’t pronounce our names, you feel guilty for asians who have much less than we do… but then you also don’t raise an issue when your boss holds meetings in clubs where people of other races and dogs and women are not allowed. You work overtime for the privilege of weekends… You say you are trying but… as far as I know… you don’t have a non-compete clause in your contract, Namjoon.”

That hit him like an iceberg. Namjoon’s legs gave way and he just sat on the bed.

He watched as Brishti put on her coat and left, covering her bruises with a scarf.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 6 - to be posted.

[ill-skillsgard]

Faust x Faith - No Looking Back

Warning: 18+ smut, public sex, violence, blood, arson, implied death, mentions of non-consensual touching (nothing explicit and no r-words used,) mentions of stalking, unconsciousness, anti-religious themes, strong language.

Note: Hey, hey. I’ve wanted to write this for a while, but haven’t had much time. This isn’t based on any requests—just something I feel needs to happen to move the universe along. After this, I’ll be basing future FxF stuff off drabble requests instead of going story-heavy for a bit. Likes, comments and reblogs are suuuper ‘ppreciated!

Summary: - Not based on Lords of Chaos. I use Faust!Valter’s likeness only as inspiration - 3.6K words -

Faust makes good on his word to protect Faith, taking drastic measures to assure her assailant never bothers her again.

Read more Faust x Faith here [x]

Thin raindrops pattered the man's leather jacket as he walked through the streets with his hood drawn up and his eyes low. For two days, the drizzle persisted and melted the black snowbanks into slush. Though the dismal atmosphere kept most inside, Sven had good reason to travel across town on foot. The promise of a girl's company waited at the end of his route, and he put off his regular nightly routine of masturbating to fetish porn for—what he hoped was—the real thing.

He glanced at his cracked phone screen every few minutes to check in with her, making sure she hadn't changed her mind, that she was serious. From the earnestness of her messages and the speed at which she replied to his questions, he determined she meant what she said about wanting to meet. Finally, his luck was turning. He’d show that miserable bastard Faust who was the better man.

- What abt ur bf? Lol

- What about him? Not here, is he?

- Thought u were a good girl.

- Haha, not really. Are you close?

- Ya. Y r we meeting at this random place?

- I need you to promise you won't tell a soul. If you can prove that to me, maybe we can keep meeting up.

- Lol ok. I PROMISE I won't say a word😉

- Thank you. Hurry, please. It's cold out!

- Be there in 5. I'll let u wear my jacket altho idk might not need it😉

- Hehe omgosh. You're making me blush.

- I'll make u do way more then blush baby. Just wait.

Sven lengthened his strides and turned the corner onto a hill leading toward the industrial area of town. Down the slope, he walked past several warehouses and legions of trucks parked inside barbed-wire fencing. It was a peculiar site to meet up, but his rendezvous insisted on a place nobody would think to look.

Betting his night would take an erotic turn, Sven popped a piece of gum in his mouth and chewed away the cigarette taste. He was seconds away from the spot she chose to meet, and his chest constricted with excitement. His boots crunched over gravel and garbage as he walked down a narrow alley between two faceless buildings. There was an open lot at the end of the lane, where he assumed she was waiting. As he made his way through the dimly lit alley, he whistled to make his presence known. The shrill tune reverberated off an overflowing dumpster to his left, and as he stepped to clear the reeking trash receptacle, something hard and blunt swung out at eye-level and flattened him to the ground.

Dazed and blinded from the sudden strike, he tried moving his mouth, but only a bubble of blood popped from his lips. A piercing stream of sound filled his ears as the edges of his vision turned dark. A large black figure came into view above, haloed by the soggy grey sky in the deepening veil. The featureless shadow chuckled deeply before a heavy boot's tread put out his lights.

~*~

Several hours passed before Sven's eyelids shuddered. By then, his assailant had had plenty of time to tie him to a wooden chair and organize his instruments of punishment. A headache blistered through the man's skull, throbbing in his eye sockets until he gained enough consciousness to open them. When he saw the person who had knocked him out, his throat closed and the gasp ripping through came out high-pitched.

"Faust... Please... Don't—" Sven hiccoughed. "Don't do this. I'm sorry. I'm SORRY!"

Faust, who had been facing the doorway at the end of a long red runner, turned toward Sven, holding a hammer's handle in one hand while cradling the head in the other. A malicious smirk peeked out from a curtain of black hair. He took a step forward, the clomp of his leather boots echoing through the church. Each step made a menacing sound that bit down on Sven's nerves and rattled his sensitive skull.

"What are you apologizing for?"

"I know you hate me, but please, don't hurt me. I swear I'll never talk to her again!"

Faust approached, flashing the obsidian hammerhead. He tossed the tool in his grip and stuck his hand into his pocket, producing several five-inch nails.

"No! God, no, please! Faust! Don't do this!"

The black-haired giant stopped to admire the curve of the hammer’s prongs. Sven looked around the empty church and saw a jerrycan taking up space in a nearby pew. He immediately started struggling against the jute rope binding his wrists and ankles to the chair as Faust drew nearer, smile uncoiling.

"I already gave you the chance to never talk to her again. Remember?"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

"Sorry means fuck all to me. You should know that. The only reason you left the campsite with your dick intact is because of the witnesses," Faust said, then spun around with his arms out, showcasing their solitude. "Now, it's just you and me."

"Please don't," Sven muttered through swollen lips. "Fuck, I'll do anything!"

"There's nothing you can do. Nothing a sorry sack of human waste can provide this world to make me change my mind."

"SHE LIED!"

Faust jingled the nails in his jacket, reminding Sven who held the weapon.

"Whatever she told you... It's not true! I was at the party, but I didn't do anything to her!" Sven's voice cracked.

"Oh... So you didn't follow her into my bedroom?"

"No! I talked to her for a minute, and that's all. That's all, I swear, Faust. Don't kill me."

The stomp of boots neared the altar where Sven struggled in the chair. He twisted to loosen the rope and slipped one hand out. Faust grabbed his wrist and pinned it to the arm of the chair, readying a nail between his lips as he gripped the hammer. Sven let out a scream, stifled instantly by the hammerhead. Faust wedged the metal between his teeth and hissed.

"Shut the fuck up, or I'll use this to smash your teeth out like a goddamn window. Understand me?"

Sven nodded and quaked as Faust placed the tip of the nail against the soft, flat part of his forearm.

"Stay still. If I fuck up and hit the Radial or Ulnar artery... You could bleed out before I'm done. Gotta get it right between the bones." Faust slapped the pale skin to reveal blue veins. He pressed the nail’s tip in place and rose the hammer above his head, bringing it down and stopping short of the head as Sven shrieked.

Faust cackled. "Jesus Christ, dude. Did you really think I was gonna nail you to a chair?"

Sven groaned, relieved and moist with cold sweat. "Faust, I'm serious. Please, man. You gotta believe me."

His dark laughter continued, bouncing off the high ceilings, the wooden pews and polished floors. As Sven let out his own nervous chuckle, Faust brought the hammer down in one swift pull, then slapped his hand over Sven's gaping mouth to stifle the screams. Howling, Sven rattled his head back and forth as a searing bolt of pain tore through his right arm, crackling in his shoulder where it burned and burned.

Faust tore his phone out of his back pocket and brought up a video, slamming the screen into Sven's face. The video of him grabbing Faith in his room while he was states away watching the live feed from the camera he'd set up on the desk.

"I knew these little cameras would come in handy. See? I know what you did, you stupid fuck. And you know what else? I would have just beat the shit out of you had I not stopped by your place before our little meeting."

Sven whined, tears pouring from his eyes in steady streams.

"Oh, yeah. That's right. I went into your room... Saw some interesting things on your computer. At first, I thought it was just standard fucking creep shit. Snuff porn, torture... Teen girls. None of that surprised me... Until I dug around and found your little stalker file buried in your folders. You didn't even encrypt it. How fucking stupid are you?"

"I'm sorry," Sven shook.

"Why are you apologizing to me?"

"I'm sorry for touching her. I should have left her alone."

"What'd you think was gonna happen? That she wouldn't tell me? Or that I wouldn't believe her? And now I know you've been following Faith around, taking pictures of her, you fucking predator. And what about those other women, huh? You sorry about them, too?"

"Yes! I'm sorry. I know I have problems! I'm trying to get help. Please, Faust. If you let me go, I promise I'll do it. I'll get better. I haven’t hurt anyone!"

Faust shook his head slowly, grunting in refusal. "No. I meant what I said when I told you I'd crucify you if you went near Faith again. I'm doing the world a favour."

Sven hung his head and bled from the grievous wound pinning him to the chair, shuddering weakly from his injuries. Faust would never relent. He'd witnessed the drummer's cold disdain, the malignant hatred living inside that made him turn to the dark with open arms. Faust wasn't an actor. He pledged himself to the darkness with unyielding conviction, never one to take such things lightly. This realization depleted Sven's will to reason with the man.

Faust gripped another thick nail and drove it through Sven's left arm, smiling as blood dripped from the wood onto the church altar. The violent yelps filled Faust with morbid delight as he pressed the bloodied hammer under his victim's chin and raised his face.

"You're gonna die tonight, Sven."

"What makes you better than me? You'll be a murderer," Sven stuttered. "You hurt people, too."

"You and I are not the same. Don't ever compare yourself to me. You're a coward, and I warned you. Tread on what's mine, and I'll destroy you. That's what I said."

"All this over a girl? Are you fucking crazy!?"

Faust stooped to one knee, looking up at Sven as though the insult had cut him. Faust's brows arched, bottom lip jutting outward as he studied Sven, who closed his eyes. Then, Faust rose to his feet, leather stretching from the motion. Faust tapped his chin, smiled, and leaned over to whisper, "yes... Totally fucking crazy."

With a powerful kick to the chest, Faust sent the chair and Sven toppling backward. He then unzipped his pants, pulled out his manhood and giggled as he emptied his bladder on the weeping man. While Sven cried and moaned, Faust closed his zipper, whistling merrily. He left Sven on his back and snatched the jerrycan from the pew, taking slow, calculated steps while twisting off the cap and dousing the altar in gasoline.

As the gas trickled, Sven's desperation mounted. He could not flail, so he screamed. Faust gently reminded him what he'd do to Sven's teeth if he carried on shouting. The pinned man blubbered and begged, but Faust ignored his pleas. Inside his head, all Faust heard was the sound of flames rushing into a circle around Sven, crackling over the carpet and up the old church's wooden beams. By the time the roof caught fire, Faust had planned on being long gone.

"Please, Faust... You'll regret this! I know you're a serious person, but this is too far. You won't be able to live with yourself!"

"Wrong. I couldn't live with myself knowing I let a vulture like you walk this planet freely." Faust poured a trail down the floor runner, far away from the altar. He tossed the can aside and looked up at the Catholic saints' stained-glass portrayals and Jesus at the center of it all, staring down with sad eyes. Faust took a book of matches from his pocket and ripped one from the bunch, running its tip across the ignitor strip until a small flame burst to life. Faust flicked the match to the ground without a second thought, and the flame ate up the gasoline trail swiftly. The church was illuminated, and the colourful glass windows came to life. Faust raised his eyes to the forlorn Jesus and leered while the fire spread.

He did not stay to admire his work or revel in the cries of a man burning alive. Faust fled before the fire consumed the church, not once looking back or wondering if his victim had somehow escaped. He trudged through puddles of slush, hair swinging in the wind, white shadows of breath leaving his mouth.

It was time to get back to finish the tour. But he had one more stop to make.

~*~

Faith left the mall after helping close the book store. She received small smiles and nods from the mall staff as they locked doors and unfolded security gates. Some of the people she had spoken to before, and some she had only seen in passing. Though she returned their pleasantries, inside Faith was fretting. She tried not to worry about her boyfriend or ask where he was under strict orders to go about her day as usual.

She stepped into the evening air as the sun sank, taking the blue from the sky along for the descent. Wisps of white cloud stretched across the pink and violet above. Faith took in a deep breath and walked to the bus stop situated between a movie theatre and a dollar store. She popped her earbuds in and turned on a song that reminded her of Faust; one he wouldn’t like. His music taste had no room for the upbeat indie rock she enjoyed. Still, she smiled when the lyrics reminded her of him.

The scent of cigarette smoke caught her attention, and she looked around, finding no culprit. She wondered where the smell came from if nobody was around but soon forgot when the city bus appeared in the distance. It had to make a long trek around the parking lot before it pulled up at the movie theatre. Faith readied her bus card to scan as another cloud of smoke enveloped her senses.

Faith whirled around, and there he was, all black and leather, white teeth clutching the filter of a cigarette. Faust smiled, his words bolting from his mouth as she clamped her arms around him and crushed her face into his chest. The leather and musk brought tears to her eyes. She ripped out her earbuds and tried not to weep.

He hushed her, lifted her off the ground and retreated into the shadowed alley between the theatre and the store. By the time the bus pulled up, Faust had pressed her against the brick wall behind the building.

"Faust. Oh my gosh, where have you been? I was so worried," Faith gasped.

"Sh, don't ask questions, baby." Faust smothered her mouth, holding her thighs around his waist.

"Mm—I love you. Oh my God. I can’t believe you’re here! I love you so freaking much."

"I know you do," Faust breathed against her lips. "I love you, too, babe."

"Tell me where you've been!"

Faust shook his head and kissed her neck instead. She raked her fingers through his hair, knocking his hood down so she could see him unobstructed.

"Told you... Don't ask... Mmkay?... Stop asking... Just let me... Mm—fuck!"

Faith pulled his pelvis inward with her thighs, rubbing against his crotch and the heavy bullet belt wrapped around his hips. In their cloud of lust, Faust pushed his black jeans down just enough to free his erection.

"Fuck, I love your little skirts. Makes it so easy," Faust murmured.

The thought of Faust showing up disquieted her, but his lips on her skin and his desire thwarted these anxieties for a while. She set aside her questions, happy to have him in her arms again and overcome by arousal. When he stretched her panties aside and pushed into her, they both froze in expressions of excruciating ecstasy. Faust tilted his head back and closed his eyes, and Faith clutched his shoulders, already writhing from the intense fulfillment between her legs.

Just as she thought Faust might drop her, he bent his knees and hoisted her higher up on the wall. In his arms, she weighed close to nothing. She missed feeling tiny against him.

"Miss my cock?" He growled in her ear.

"Yes, baby. Oh my gosh, of course, I missed it. I missed my big man."

"Yeah? Fuck, I miss my little pussy," Faust breathed. "Mm, show me those gorgeous tits."

Faith unbuttoned her work polo and stretched the collar down around her breasts for Faust to bury his face. Though there wasn't an abundance of flesh to lose himself in, Faust shivered from the first taste of her nipples. With muted groans of pleasure, he rammed into her until Faith could no longer contain her cries, unaccustomed to his girth. Faust absorbed her whimpers with his mouth, coaxing her tongue until she only hummed.

He felt ferocious from the last twenty-four hours. If he could make Faith scream without drawing attention, Faust would have slammed her into the wall and fucked her until she shredded her vocal cords. He had to keep a low profile. Even visiting Faith was a considerable risk, but one he relished taking as she clamped her thighs and rutted against him.

He supported her ass in both hands and shifted off the wall to fuck her standing up. While he took her this way, she wrapped her arms around his neck and whimpered, whispering, "yes, fuck my pussy hard, big boy. Oh, I love that big cock inside me."

Faust unhooked and held her out so he could watch her breasts jiggle with every bounce. "You still taking your birth control? I'm gonna fucking bust so hard inside you, baby."

"Yeah. Yeah, baby, do it. Fill my pussy, please. I want your cum."

Her dirty talk and sweet sobs for his cock pushed him over the edge. He cradled her head as he pushed her against the wall and throbbed between her legs until empty. Faust pulled out and immediately turned her around and bent her over to watch globs of fresh cum dripping from her wet slit. He used one finger to push some of it back inside and had her suck off the rest. Afterward, he pulled up his pants and compressed her against the wall, one hand over her mouth while the other worked her clit in gentle circles. Faust didn't stop until she squealed and shuddered against him, muffled in his jacket and writhing from the manual orgasm.

When Faith calmed down, he released her and stepped away, pulling a cigarette from the squished pack in his jacket pocket. The lighter's flame created an orange halo around his face and promptly died. He smoked like nothing had happened while she fixed her skirt, buttoned her polo and zipped up her coat.

Faith smiled up at her lover, the night blotting out most of his features.

"I'm so glad you're home," she said.

"Not for long," Faust exhaled.

Her heart quivered. "Wait, what?"

"I gotta go back."

"When?"

"Tonight."

"What? No! But... You just got back," said Faith.

Faust shrugged, his leather jacket speaking for him. The evening matured, consuming the details of her hurt expression until the streetlamps along the road came to life.

"Why did you come here?"

Faust took one last long haul off his cigarette and flicked it down the alleyway. "Listen to me, Faith... You need to quit asking questions. I'm serious. The more questions you ask, the worse it'll be. And you and I did not see each other tonight. As far as you know, I'm on tour. Understand?"

"Yes," Faith said to appease him.

"I want to stay, trust me. But I can't. You know why. All the answers you want, you already have. Don't keep bugging, don't mention it ever again."

"I want to go with you," she whispered.

"No. You stay. Go to your classes, go to work, go visit your parents. Everything normal. And I don't want you moping around either. You put on that pretty smile, and you pretend for me. I'll call you in a couple of weeks before the last show and arrange a way for you to get there."

"What do you mean you’ll call in couple of weeks?" Faith whined. “What about goodnights?”

"I don't have a phone anymore."

"Why—? Oh, um... Okay. I understand."

Faust gathered the girl up in his arms and kissed the top of her head. "Good girl. I love you, and I miss you."

"I love you, too."

He tipped her face up and sensed tears forming in her eyes. Faust shook his head. "No crying. We'll see each other very soon. Just a couple more weeks."

"I know," she sighed.

"I love you more than anything, Faith. Now, go catch your bus. Should be here in a few minutes."

"But what about you?"

"Don't worry about me. I'm on tour. I'm not even here," he explained.

Faust kissed her again, smoothed his hands over her shoulders and turned her to face the bus stop. He urged her along. "No looking back. Hop on the bus and go do your schoolwork."

"Okay," she said, determined to make him proud. Faith walked out of the shadows and into the lamplight hovering over the depot. Across the lot, the city bus pulled in, and though she longed to turn around to see Faust watching over her, she kept her eyes forward and waited. When the bus pulled up, and the doors drew back, she stepped onto the platform and smiled at the driver as she scanned her pass. Faith took a seat in the back and put in her earbuds. She searched through a list of bands and selected the only one whose logo was illegible. As she pressed play, she listened to the immediate assault of the drums, their constant and violent beat. Faith smiled—warm in her chest and between her legs.