#my disorders developed when i was around 14

[bunnihearted]

i absolutely hate having personality disorders. it means that no one will or can ever understand me. it means that i constantly have to hide parts of myself that i feel like ppl cant handle. it means that i have to find a way to make myself small so that others can be able to easily digest me.

[goldyke]

LAP Bands should be illegal

This post is going to deal with medical fatphobia, weight loss surgery, coercion, emetophobia, food issues, disordered eating, and just all around bad shit. But it’s important.

Shortly after I reached adulthood, I was coerced into weight loss surgery. I weighed about 250 pounds and was considered morbidly obese.

The Lap Band is a disgrace to the medical profession and is just another example of how the medical profession does not care about the lives of fat people.

To preface this: the surgery works. I lost 70 pounds and people treated me differently and I hated them all for it.

The Lap Band made my life miserable. When it was filled, I could not eat until noon without getting stuck. Even then, getting stuck was always a risk. There was a strict diet to follow and you were supposed to be safe from that if you followed it. On top of that, there were rules for how you ate. One standard I saw was not to eat in bites larger than your fingernail. Can you see yourself doing that for a week, let alone years and years?

Getting stuck is a horror you can't imagine. The food lodges in the top of your stomach, blocking off your system. You continue to produce saliva and swallow it down. Slowly, the mucous in your saliva builds up. It feels like you're drowning. Eventually, you have to essentially throw it all up. A disgusting experience (and a mortifying one if you're in public.) The saliva is thick and ropy. This experience is often called "sliming" on the forums.

I became frightened of eating in public. In a way, I became frightened of food altogether. I knew something had to give the day I reacted to someone biting a hamburger in a tv show the way a regular person would react to a killer jumping out in a horror movie. I developed the disgusting and unhealthy habit of chewing and spitting out food. I completely lost my enjoyment of many foods I had previously enjoyed because of how problematic they were (I can no longer enjoy a chicken thigh for example.) I stopped eating meals and began grazing. I developed eating habits worse than the ones that "made me fat"

After 3 years, I had the band emptied of fluid, which significantly decreased, but did not stop, these problems. I regained the weight, and found it didn't bother me. (Along the way I discovered that my discomfort with my body had never been weight related)

I had my band removed after 6.5 years earlier this year. I am in a support group on facebook for victims of this malpractice. There are 5.6 thousand members, each with their own horror stories. Some of them cannot get the band removed because insurance will not cover the procedure, though they happily covered the band's placement. Some have tried to go through with removal but have had surgeons try to coerce them into getting a different weight-loss surgery instead of just removing it. Many have long-term damage from the band eroding the walls of their stomach or esophagus, or from the band adhering to multiple organs. Many of them had the band for 12-14 years, before removal because none of our doctors told us it needs to be removed within 10.

Many practices no longer perform Lap Band surgery and now believe it is unethical. The surgeon who removed my band still performs this surgery regularly.

A study performed in 2011 with 151 lap band patients, found that 22% of patients experienced minor complications and 39% experienced major complications. The person who coerced me into surgery actually experienced major complications and needed an emergency removal.

I experienced no serious complications. Everything I described above is considered normal. And It still drastically lowered my quality of life.

I don't know why I'm sharing this or who I'm sharing it for, but here I am. If you know anyone considering the lap band surgery, don't let them go through with it without knowing the truth. And please be kinder to your body than the medical profession wants you to be.

[zivazivc]

Sorry if this has already been asked before but why did the band break up? And did they break up on decent terms? Do they still talk to each other sometime?

It has been asked before, I just never answered jshfbdjcbh I'm still piecing everything together and stuff is changing or getting tweaked all the time, so I'm always super hesitant about answering these types of questions, afraid that people will take whatever I say as the final answer. So basically what I'm going to answer now will already contradict what I told some people already. And maybe in the future the story might go a little differently too (although I'm pretty satisfied with the current events)

Uhhh, get ready for a long info dump. I didn't expect I'd write this much...

Floyd basically stayed with the band for 8 years (from 14 till 22) and got pretty messed up in the process. The rest of the guys are all quite older than him so I guess I could say they were more responsible, or at least had a better understanding of their own limits (also they grew up in this kind of environment or grew up aware of it, while Floyd was oblivious and naive about all of it) and while they do get drunk and do drugs often, none of them are really dependent on them. They are also pretty good judges of character and know how to avoid trouble. Floyd on the other hand drove in with no breaks and constantly got himself in trouble that the rest (mostly Les) had to drag him out of. He also developed bipolar during this time (in my story Floyd constantly fluctuates between being saturated and being desaturated because of this) and his manic and depressive episodes started getting out of hand after his teenage years. (None of them are aware it's a mental disorder that's making him act so out of character.)

Floyd was becoming miserable because of this and all of his problems pilling up, and started blaming Les for the way he was. Les never argued this which only fueled Floyd to blame him more. In the end he was getting so frustrated and irritable that Floyd constantly tried starting arguments with him, even putting him down and getting aggressive at times because Les gets very unresponsive and closed off during personal conversations (guy is a giant onion of suppressed trauma that Floyd is hellbent on peeling open).

Eventually there was one fight too many, terrible things were said, some objects flew through the air, and Floyd walked out (or Hed kicked him out, I haven't decided yet) with the promise of going home and never seeing them again.

So, yeah, it was very messy and Floyd was the primary asshole, even though he's not really to blame either...

But Floyd didn't make it home (was too scared to sneak through Bergen Town to get to the tree (i don't think i can judge him for that either)) and he just returned to the reckless lifestyle, this time without anyone being there to keep him safe. So if he was messed up before, this is the time period where he got absolutely fucked up. This is also when he got heavily addicted to sour worms. And when he chronically slept around (half the time just to get offered free worms or have somewhere to sleep, other times because he was having manic episodes and was feeling hypersexual). (This is also potentially the period when he had the two eggs with that techno troll, but I'm still thinking if I want that to be canon to the story or not.) During this time he also grew to become very anxious and his self-confidence went to shit when he was being himself.

Then after about three years of that, he bumped into Les at some party. He wanted to dodge him out of shame but Les grabbed his arm and manhandled him outside to talk. Floyd felt like shit about the way they had split up and tried apologizing for all the stuff he had said and done to Les, but Les wasn't having any of that because he wasn't angry at Floyd, he was just worried about him. Les is also insanely empathetic like Floyd, and he knew that Floyd never really meant any of it, and that he was just looking for an outlet when he was hurting. Also he does think he is to blame for the way Floyd ended up.

Les wanted to know why he didn't go home like he had said (because that was the only reason Les had even let him walk out in the first place). A few exchanged words later and Floyd broke down telling him all the awful things he'd done, and Les promised to help him, feeling insanely guilty. Floyd wondered if he was allowed back in the band but Les made it clear that the band wasn't good for him and that he was never taking him back. Instead Les helped him go though rehab. I don't think trolls have those institutions (or at least not many are aware of them or how they work (I'm sorry but I refuse to believe the Trolls world has internet and cellphones, Mountrageons can keep that for themselves lol)), so it was more or less just Les finding Floyd a job and his own place to stay in the middle of bumfuck nowhere where he had no option but to detox, and constantly checking up on him to make sure he was doing okay. During this time they grew pretty close again. Or maybe the better term would be that Les slowly started putting his walls down again.

Hed needed a while to warm up to Floyd again. He's almost as protective of Les as Les is of him, and he resented Floyd for the way he had treated him.

Flea is pretty phlegmatic when it comes to any sort of arguing or drama. He was casual about seeing Floyd again, they were never super close anyway.

And Liv, she left the band when she and Hed broke up (haven't decided if that happened before or after Floyd left), so Floyd didn't get to see her again after bumping into Les at the party. And I haven't thought yet if they'd ever meet again somewhere later in life. But if they did, I think they'd both be happy to see each other.

Anyway...

Floyd managed to detox and successfully kept the job for about a year, but then he became manic again and messed it all up. After that he returned to his nomadic lifestyle, but he never fell as hard as those three years again. In my story Floyd's life is a constant cycle of getting his life together and fucking it up and booking to the next place. And he and Les are trapped in a never-ending cat and mouse game where they're both trying to fix each other.

So, uh, Les and Floyd are still very close and see each other somewhat often...

(sometimes monthly, sometimes yearly)

Yeah...

I am so fucking obsessed with them I'm gonna hurl. Please take this song before I combust:

[antiporn-activist]

I thought y'all should read this

I have a free trial to News+ so I copy-pasted it for you here. I don't think Jonathan Haidt would object to more people having this info.

Tumblr wouldn't let me post it until i removed all the links to Haidt's sources. You'll have to take my word that everything is sourced.

End the Phone-Based Childhood Now

The environment in which kids grow up today is hostile to human development.

By Jonathan Haidt

Something went suddenly and horribly wrong for adolescents in the early 2010s. By now you’ve likely seen the statistics: Rates of depression and anxiety in the United States—fairly stable in the 2000s—rose by more than 50 percent in many studies from 2010 to 2019. The suicide rate rose 48 percent for adolescents ages 10 to 19. For girls ages 10 to 14, it rose 131 percent.

The problem was not limited to the U.S.: Similar patterns emerged around the same time in Canada, the U.K., Australia, New Zealand, the Nordic countries, and beyond. By a variety of measures and in a variety of countries, the members of Generation Z (born in and after 1996) are suffering from anxiety, depression, self-harm, and related disorders at levels higher than any other generation for which we have data.

The decline in mental health is just one of many signs that something went awry. Loneliness and friendlessness among American teens began to surge around 2012. Academic achievement went down, too. According to “The Nation’s Report Card,” scores in reading and math began to decline for U.S. students after 2012, reversing decades of slow but generally steady increase. PISA, the major international measure of educational trends, shows that declines in math, reading, and science happened globally, also beginning in the early 2010s.

As the oldest members of Gen Z reach their late 20s, their troubles are carrying over into adulthood. Young adults are dating less, having less sex, and showing less interest in ever having children than prior generations. They are more likelyto live with their parents. They were less likely to get jobs as teens, and managers say they are harder to work with. Many of these trends began with earlier generations, but most of them accelerated with Gen Z.

Surveys show that members of Gen Z are shyer and more risk averse than previous generations, too, and risk aversion may make them less ambitious. In an interview last May, OpenAI co-founder Sam Altman and Stripe co-founder Patrick Collison noted that, for the first time since the 1970s, none of Silicon Valley’s preeminent entrepreneurs are under 30. “Something has really gone wrong,” Altman said. In a famously young industry, he was baffled by the sudden absence of great founders in their 20s.

Generations are not monolithic, of course. Many young people are flourishing. Taken as a whole, however, Gen Z is in poor mental health and is lagging behind previous generations on many important metrics. And if a generation is doing poorly––if it is more anxious and depressed and is starting families, careers, and important companies at a substantially lower rate than previous generations––then the sociological and economic consequences will be profound for the entire society.

What happened in the early 2010s that altered adolescent development and worsened mental health? Theories abound, but the fact that similar trends are found in many countries worldwide means that events and trends that are specific to the United States cannot be the main story.

I think the answer can be stated simply, although the underlying psychology is complex: Those were the years when adolescents in rich countries traded in their flip phones for smartphones and moved much more of their social lives online—particularly onto social-media platforms designed for virality and addiction. Once young people began carrying the entire internet in their pockets, available to them day and night, it altered their daily experiences and developmental pathways across the board. Friendship, dating, sexuality, exercise, sleep, academics, politics, family dynamics, identity—all were affected. Life changed rapidly for younger children, too, as they began to get access to their parents’ smartphones and, later, got their own iPads, laptops, and even smartphones during elementary school.

As a social psychologist who has long studied social and moral development, I have been involved in debates about the effects of digital technology for years. Typically, the scientific questions have been framed somewhat narrowly, to make them easier to address with data. For example, do adolescents who consume more social media have higher levels of depression? Does using a smartphone just before bedtime interfere with sleep? The answer to these questions is usually found to be yes, although the size of the relationship is often statistically small, which has led some researchers to conclude that these new technologies are not responsible for the gigantic increases in mental illness that began in the early 2010s.

But before we can evaluate the evidence on any one potential avenue of harm, we need to step back and ask a broader question: What is childhood––including adolescence––and how did it change when smartphones moved to the center of it? If we take a more holistic view of what childhood is and what young children, tweens, and teens need to do to mature into competent adults, the picture becomes much clearer. Smartphone-based life, it turns out, alters or interferes with a great number of developmental processes.

The intrusion of smartphones and social media are not the only changes that have deformed childhood. There’s an important backstory, beginning as long ago as the 1980s, when we started systematically depriving children and adolescents of freedom, unsupervised play, responsibility, and opportunities for risk taking, all of which promote competence, maturity, and mental health. But the change in childhood accelerated in the early 2010s, when an already independence-deprived generation was lured into a new virtual universe that seemed safe to parents but in fact is more dangerous, in many respects, than the physical world.

My claim is that the new phone-based childhood that took shape roughly 12 years ago is making young people sick and blocking their progress to flourishing in adulthood. We need a dramatic cultural correction, and we need it now.

1. The Decline of Play and Independence 

Human brains are extraordinarily large compared with those of other primates, and human childhoods are extraordinarily long, too, to give those large brains time to wire up within a particular culture. A child’s brain is already 90 percent of its adult size by about age 6. The next 10 or 15 years are about learning norms and mastering skills—physical, analytical, creative, and social. As children and adolescents seek out experiences and practice a wide variety of behaviors, the synapses and neurons that are used frequently are retained while those that are used less often disappear. Neurons that fire together wire together, as brain researchers say.

Brain development is sometimes said to be “experience-expectant,” because specific parts of the brain show increased plasticity during periods of life when an animal’s brain can “expect” to have certain kinds of experiences. You can see this with baby geese, who will imprint on whatever mother-sized object moves in their vicinity just after they hatch. You can see it with human children, who are able to learn languages quickly and take on the local accent, but only through early puberty; after that, it’s hard to learn a language and sound like a native speaker. There is also some evidence of a sensitive period for cultural learning more generally. Japanese children who spent a few years in California in the 1970s came to feel “American” in their identity and ways of interacting only if they attended American schools for a few years between ages 9 and 15. If they left before age 9, there was no lasting impact. If they didn’t arrive until they were 15, it was too late; they didn’t come to feel American.

Human childhood is an extended cultural apprenticeship with different tasks at different ages all the way through puberty. Once we see it this way, we can identify factors that promote or impede the right kinds of learning at each age. For children of all ages, one of the most powerful drivers of learning is the strong motivation to play. Play is the work of childhood, and all young mammals have the same job: to wire up their brains by playing vigorously and often, practicing the moves and skills they’ll need as adults. Kittens will play-pounce on anything that looks like a mouse tail. Human children will play games such as tag and sharks and minnows, which let them practice both their predator skills and their escaping-from-predator skills. Adolescents will play sports with greater intensity, and will incorporate playfulness into their social interactions—flirting, teasing, and developing inside jokes that bond friends together. Hundreds of studies on young rats, monkeys, and humans show that young mammals want to play, need to play, and end up socially, cognitively, and emotionally impaired when they are deprived of play.

One crucial aspect of play is physical risk taking. Children and adolescents must take risks and fail—often—in environments in which failure is not very costly. This is how they extend their abilities, overcome their fears, learn to estimate risk, and learn to cooperate in order to take on larger challenges later. The ever-present possibility of getting hurt while running around, exploring, play-fighting, or getting into a real conflict with another group adds an element of thrill, and thrilling play appears to be the most effective kind for overcoming childhood anxieties and building social, emotional, and physical competence. The desire for risk and thrill increases in the teen years, when failure might carry more serious consequences. Children of all ages need to choose the risk they are ready for at a given moment. Young people who are deprived of opportunities for risk taking and independent exploration will, on average, develop into more anxious and risk-averse adults.

Human childhood and adolescence evolved outdoors, in a physical world full of dangers and opportunities. Its central activities––play, exploration, and intense socializing––were largely unsupervised by adults, allowing children to make their own choices, resolve their own conflicts, and take care of one another. Shared adventures and shared adversity bound young people together into strong friendship clusters within which they mastered the social dynamics of small groups, which prepared them to master bigger challenges and larger groups later on.

And then we changed childhood.

The changes started slowly in the late 1970s and ’80s, before the arrival of the internet, as many parents in the U.S. grew fearful that their children would be harmed or abducted if left unsupervised. Such crimes have always been extremely rare, but they loomed larger in parents’ minds thanks in part to rising levels of street crime combined with the arrival of cable TV, which enabled round-the-clock coverage of missing-children cases. A general decline in social capital––the degree to which people knew and trusted their neighbors and institutions––exacerbated parental fears. Meanwhile, rising competition for college admissions encouraged more intensive forms of parenting. In the 1990s, American parents began pulling their children indoors or insisting that afternoons be spent in adult-run enrichment activities. Free play, independent exploration, and teen-hangout time declined.

In recent decades, seeing unchaperoned children outdoors has become so novel that when one is spotted in the wild, some adults feel it is their duty to call the police. In 2015, the Pew Research Center found that parents, on average, believed that children should be at least 10 years old to play unsupervised in front of their house, and that kids should be 14 before being allowed to go unsupervised to a public park. Most of these same parents had enjoyed joyous and unsupervised outdoor play by the age of 7 or 8.

2. The Virtual World Arrives in Two Waves

The internet, which now dominates the lives of young people, arrived in two waves of linked technologies. The first one did little harm to Millennials. The second one swallowed Gen Z whole.

The first wave came ashore in the 1990s with the arrival of dial-up internet access, which made personal computers good for something beyond word processing and basic games. By 2003, 55 percent of American households had a computer with (slow) internet access. Rates of adolescent depression, loneliness, and other measures of poor mental health did not rise in this first wave. If anything, they went down a bit. Millennial teens (born 1981 through 1995), who were the first to go through puberty with access to the internet, were psychologically healthier and happier, on average, than their older siblings or parents in Generation X (born 1965 through 1980).

The second wave began to rise in the 2000s, though its full force didn’t hit until the early 2010s. It began rather innocently with the introduction of social-media platforms that helped people connect with their friends. Posting and sharing content became much easier with sites such as Friendster (launched in 2003), Myspace (2003), and Facebook (2004).

Teens embraced social media soon after it came out, but the time they could spend on these sites was limited in those early years because the sites could only be accessed from a computer, often the family computer in the living room. Young people couldn’t access social media (and the rest of the internet) from the school bus, during class time, or while hanging out with friends outdoors. Many teens in the early-to-mid-2000s had cellphones, but these were basic phones (many of them flip phones) that had no internet access. Typing on them was difficult––they had only number keys. Basic phones were tools that helped Millennials meet up with one another in person or talk with each other one-on-one. I have seen no evidence to suggest that basic cellphones harmed the mental health of Millennials.

It was not until the introduction of the iPhone (2007), the App Store (2008), and high-speed internet (which reached 50 percent of American homes in 2007)—and the corresponding pivot to mobile made by many providers of social media, video games, and porn—that it became possible for adolescents to spend nearly every waking moment online. The extraordinary synergy among these innovations was what powered the second technological wave. In 2011, only 23 percent of teens had a smartphone. By 2015, that number had risen to 73 percent, and a quarter of teens said they were online “almost constantly.” Their younger siblings in elementary school didn’t usually have their own smartphones, but after its release in 2010, the iPad quickly became a staple of young children’s daily lives. It was in this brief period, from 2010 to 2015, that childhood in America (and many other countries) was rewired into a form that was more sedentary, solitary, virtual, and incompatible with healthy human development.

3. Techno-optimism and the Birth of the Phone-Based Childhood

The phone-based childhood created by that second wave—including not just smartphones themselves, but all manner of internet-connected devices, such as tablets, laptops, video-game consoles, and smartwatches—arrived near the end of a period of enormous optimism about digital technology. The internet came into our lives in the mid-1990s, soon after the fall of the Soviet Union. By the end of that decade, it was widely thought that the web would be an ally of democracy and a slayer of tyrants. When people are connected to each other, and to all the information in the world, how could any dictator keep them down?

In the 2000s, Silicon Valley and its world-changing inventions were a source of pride and excitement in America. Smart and ambitious young people around the world wanted to move to the West Coast to be part of the digital revolution. Tech-company founders such as Steve Jobs and Sergey Brin were lauded as gods, or at least as modern Prometheans, bringing humans godlike powers. The Arab Spring bloomed in 2011 with the help of decentralized social platforms, including Twitter and Facebook. When pundits and entrepreneurs talked about the power of social media to transform society, it didn’t sound like a dark prophecy.

You have to put yourself back in this heady time to understand why adults acquiesced so readily to the rapid transformation of childhood. Many parents had concerns, even then, about what their children were doing online, especially because of the internet’s ability to put children in contact with strangers. But there was also a lot of excitement about the upsides of this new digital world. If computers and the internet were the vanguards of progress, and if young people––widely referred to as “digital natives”––were going to live their lives entwined with these technologies, then why not give them a head start? I remember how exciting it was to see my 2-year-old son master the touch-and-swipe interface of my first iPhone in 2008. I thought I could see his neurons being woven together faster as a result of the stimulation it brought to his brain, compared to the passivity of watching television or the slowness of building a block tower. I thought I could see his future job prospects improving.

Touchscreen devices were also a godsend for harried parents. Many of us discovered that we could have peace at a restaurant, on a long car trip, or at home while making dinner or replying to emails if we just gave our children what they most wanted: our smartphones and tablets. We saw that everyone else was doing it and figured it must be okay.

It was the same for older children, desperate to join their friends on social-media platforms, where the minimum age to open an account was set by law to 13, even though no research had been done to establish the safety of these products for minors. Because the platforms did nothing (and still do nothing) to verify the stated age of new-account applicants, any 10-year-old could open multiple accounts without parental permission or knowledge, and many did. Facebook and later Instagram became places where many sixth and seventh graders were hanging out and socializing. If parents did find out about these accounts, it was too late. Nobody wanted their child to be isolated and alone, so parents rarely forced their children to shut down their accounts.

We had no idea what we were doing.

4. The High Cost of a Phone-Based Childhood

In Walden, his 1854 reflection on simple living, Henry David Thoreau wrote, “The cost of a thing is the amount of … life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.” It’s an elegant formulation of what economists would later call the opportunity cost of any choice—all of the things you can no longer do with your money and time once you’ve committed them to something else. So it’s important that we grasp just how much of a young person’s day is now taken up by their devices.

The numbers are hard to believe. The most recent Gallup data show that American teens spend about five hours a day just on social-media platforms (including watching videos on TikTok and YouTube). Add in all the other phone- and screen-based activities, and the number rises to somewhere between seven and nine hours a day, on average. The numbers are even higher in single-parent and low-income families, and among Black, Hispanic, and Native American families.

In Thoreau’s terms, how much of life is exchanged for all this screen time? Arguably, most of it. Everything else in an adolescent’s day must get squeezed down or eliminated entirely to make room for the vast amount of content that is consumed, and for the hundreds of “friends,” “followers,” and other network connections that must be serviced with texts, posts, comments, likes, snaps, and direct messages. I recently surveyed my students at NYU, and most of them reported that the very first thing they do when they open their eyes in the morning is check their texts, direct messages, and social-media feeds. It’s also the last thing they do before they close their eyes at night. And it’s a lot of what they do in between.

The amount of time that adolescents spend sleeping declined in the early 2010s, and many studies tie sleep loss directly to the use of devices around bedtime, particularly when they’re used to scroll through social media. Exercise declined, too, which is unfortunate because exercise, like sleep, improves both mental and physical health. Book reading has been declining for decades, pushed aside by digital alternatives, but the decline, like so much else, sped up in the early 2010s. With passive entertainment always available, adolescent minds likely wander less than they used to; contemplation and imagination might be placed on the list of things winnowed down or crowded out.

But perhaps the most devastating cost of the new phone-based childhood was the collapse of time spent interacting with other people face-to-face. A study of how Americans spend their time found that, before 2010, young people (ages 15 to 24) reported spending far more time with their friends (about two hours a day, on average, not counting time together at school) than did older people (who spent just 30 to 60 minutes with friends). Time with friends began decreasing for young people in the 2000s, but the drop accelerated in the 2010s, while it barely changed for older people. By 2019, young people’s time with friends had dropped to just 67 minutes a day. It turns out that Gen Z had been socially distancing for many years and had mostly completed the project by the time COVID-19 struck.

You might question the importance of this decline. After all, isn’t much of this online time spent interacting with friends through texting, social media, and multiplayer video games? Isn’t that just as good?

Some of it surely is, and virtual interactions offer unique benefits too, especially for young people who are geographically or socially isolated. But in general, the virtual world lacks many of the features that make human interactions in the real world nutritious, as we might say, for physical, social, and emotional development. In particular, real-world relationships and social interactions are characterized by four features—typical for hundreds of thousands of years—that online interactions either distort or erase.

First, real-world interactions are embodied, meaning that we use our hands and facial expressions to communicate, and we learn to respond to the body language of others. Virtual interactions, in contrast, mostly rely on language alone. No matter how many emojis are offered as compensation, the elimination of communication channels for which we have eons of evolutionary programming is likely to produce adults who are less comfortable and less skilled at interacting in person.

Second, real-world interactions are synchronous; they happen at the same time. As a result, we learn subtle cues about timing and conversational turn taking. Synchronous interactions make us feel closer to the other person because that’s what getting “in sync” does. Texts, posts, and many other virtual interactions lack synchrony. There is less real laughter, more room for misinterpretation, and more stress after a comment that gets no immediate response.

Third, real-world interactions primarily involve one‐to‐one communication, or sometimes one-to-several. But many virtual communications are broadcast to a potentially huge audience. Online, each person can engage in dozens of asynchronous interactions in parallel, which interferes with the depth achieved in all of them. The sender’s motivations are different, too: With a large audience, one’s reputation is always on the line; an error or poor performance can damage social standing with large numbers of peers. These communications thus tend to be more performative and anxiety-inducing than one-to-one conversations.

Finally, real-world interactions usually take place within communities that have a high bar for entry and exit, so people are strongly motivated to invest in relationships and repair rifts when they happen. But in many virtual networks, people can easily block others or quit when they are displeased. Relationships within such networks are usually more disposable.

These unsatisfying and anxiety-producing features of life online should be recognizable to most adults. Online interactions can bring out antisocial behavior that people would never display in their offline communities. But if life online takes a toll on adults, just imagine what it does to adolescents in the early years of puberty, when their “experience expectant” brains are rewiring based on feedback from their social interactions.

Kids going through puberty online are likely to experience far more social comparison, self-consciousness, public shaming, and chronic anxiety than adolescents in previous generations, which could potentially set developing brains into a habitual state of defensiveness. The brain contains systems that are specialized for approach (when opportunities beckon) and withdrawal (when threats appear or seem likely). People can be in what we might call “discover mode” or “defend mode” at any moment, but generally not both. The two systems together form a mechanism for quickly adapting to changing conditions, like a thermostat that can activate either a heating system or a cooling system as the temperature fluctuates. Some people’s internal thermostats are generally set to discover mode, and they flip into defend mode only when clear threats arise. These people tend to see the world as full of opportunities. They are happier and less anxious. Other people’s internal thermostats are generally set to defend mode, and they flip into discover mode only when they feel unusually safe. They tend to see the world as full of threats and are more prone to anxiety and depressive disorders.

A simple way to understand the differences between Gen Z and previous generations is that people born in and after 1996 have internal thermostats that were shifted toward defend mode. This is why life on college campuses changed so suddenly when Gen Z arrived, beginning around 2014. Students began requesting “safe spaces” and trigger warnings. They were highly sensitive to “microaggressions” and sometimes claimed that words were “violence.” These trends mystified those of us in older generations at the time, but in hindsight, it all makes sense. Gen Z students found words, ideas, and ambiguous social encounters more threatening than had previous generations of students because we had fundamentally altered their psychological development.

5. So Many Harms

The debate around adolescents’ use of smartphones and social media typically revolves around mental health, and understandably so. But the harms that have resulted from transforming childhood so suddenly and heedlessly go far beyondmental health. I’ve touched on some of them—social awkwardness, reduced self-confidence, and a more sedentary childhood. Here are three additional harms.

Fragmented Attention, Disrupted Learning

Staying on task while sitting at a computer is hard enough for an adult with a fully developed prefrontal cortex. It is far more difficult for adolescents in front of their laptop trying to do homework. They are probably less intrinsically motivated to stay on task. They’re certainly less able, given their undeveloped prefrontal cortex, and hence it’s easy for any company with an app to lure them away with an offer of social validation or entertainment. Their phones are pinging constantly—one study found that the typical adolescent now gets 237 notifications a day, roughly 15 every waking hour. Sustained attention is essential for doing almost anything big, creative, or valuable, yet young people find their attention chopped up into little bits by notifications offering the possibility of high-pleasure, low-effort digital experiences.

It even happens in the classroom. Studies confirm that when students have access to their phones during class time, they use them, especially for texting and checking social media, and their grades and learning suffer. This might explain why benchmark test scores began to decline in the U.S. and around the world in the early 2010s—well before the pandemic hit.

Addiction and Social Withdrawal

The neural basis of behavioral addiction to social media or video games is not exactly the same as chemical addiction to cocaine or opioids. Nonetheless, they all involve abnormally heavy and sustained activation of dopamine neurons and reward pathways. Over time, the brain adapts to these high levels of dopamine; when the child is not engaged in digital activity, their brain doesn’t have enough dopamine, and the child experiences withdrawal symptoms. These generally include anxiety, insomnia, and intense irritability. Kids with these kinds of behavioral addictions often become surly and aggressive, and withdraw from their families into their bedrooms and devices.

Social-media and gaming platforms were designed to hook users. How successful are they? How many kids suffer from digital addictions?

The main addiction risks for boys seem to be video games and porn. “Internet gaming disorder,” which was added to the main diagnosis manual of psychiatry in 2013 as a condition for further study, describes “significant impairment or distress” in several aspects of life, along with many hallmarks of addiction, including an inability to reduce usage despite attempts to do so. Estimates for the prevalence of IGD range from 7 to 15 percent among adolescent boys and young men. As for porn, a nationally representative survey of American adults published in 2019 found that 7 percent of American men agreed or strongly agreed with the statement “I am addicted to pornography”—and the rates were higher for the youngest men.

Girls have much lower rates of addiction to video games and porn, but they use social media more intensely than boys do. A study of teens in 29 nations found that between 5 and 15 percent of adolescents engage in what is called “problematic social media use,” which includes symptoms such as preoccupation, withdrawal symptoms, neglect of other areas of life, and lying to parents and friends about time spent on social media. That study did not break down results by gender, but many others have found that rates of “problematic use” are higher for girls.

I don’t want to overstate the risks: Most teens do not become addicted to their phones and video games. But across multiple studies and across genders, rates of problematic use come out in the ballpark of 5 to 15 percent. Is there any other consumer product that parents would let their children use relatively freely if they knew that something like one in 10 kids would end up with a pattern of habitual and compulsive use that disrupted various domains of life and looked a lot like an addiction?

The Decay of Wisdom and the Loss of Meaning 

During that crucial sensitive period for cultural learning, from roughly ages 9 through 15, we should be especially thoughtful about who is socializing our children for adulthood. Instead, that’s when most kids get their first smartphone and sign themselves up (with or without parental permission) to consume rivers of content from random strangers. Much of that content is produced by other adolescents, in blocks of a few minutes or a few seconds.

This rerouting of enculturating content has created a generation that is largely cut off from older generations and, to some extent, from the accumulated wisdom of humankind, including knowledge about how to live a flourishing life. Adolescents spend less time steeped in their local or national culture. They are coming of age in a confusing, placeless, ahistorical maelstrom of 30-second stories curated by algorithms designed to mesmerize them. Without solid knowledge of the past and the filtering of good ideas from bad––a process that plays out over many generations––young people will be more prone to believe whatever terrible ideas become popular around them, which might explain why videos showing young people reacting positively to Osama bin Laden’s thoughts about America were trending on TikTok last fall.

All this is made worse by the fact that so much of digital public life is an unending supply of micro dramas about somebody somewhere in our country of 340 million people who did something that can fuel an outrage cycle, only to be pushed aside by the next. It doesn’t add up to anything and leaves behind only a distorted sense of human nature and affairs.

When our public life becomes fragmented, ephemeral, and incomprehensible, it is a recipe for anomie, or normlessness. The great French sociologist Émile Durkheim showed long ago that a society that fails to bind its people together with some shared sense of sacredness and common respect for rules and norms is not a society of great individual freedom; it is, rather, a place where disoriented individuals have difficulty setting goals and exerting themselves to achieve them. Durkheim argued that anomie was a major driver of suicide rates in European countries. Modern scholars continue to draw on his work to understand suicide rates today. 

Durkheim’s observations are crucial for understanding what happened in the early 2010s. A long-running survey of American teens found that, from 1990 to 2010, high-school seniors became slightly less likely to agree with statements such as “Life often feels meaningless.” But as soon as they adopted a phone-based life and many began to live in the whirlpool of social media, where no stability can be found, every measure of despair increased. From 2010 to 2019, the number who agreed that their lives felt “meaningless” increased by about 70 percent, to more than one in five.

6. Young People Don’t Like Their Phone-Based Lives

How can I be confident that the epidemic of adolescent mental illness was kicked off by the arrival of the phone-based childhood? Skeptics point to other events as possible culprits, including the 2008 global financial crisis, global warming, the 2012 Sandy Hook school shooting and the subsequent active-shooter drills, rising academic pressures, and the opioid epidemic. But while these events might have been contributing factors in some countries, none can explain both the timing and international scope of the disaster.

An additional source of evidence comes from Gen Z itself. With all the talk of regulating social media, raising age limits, and getting phones out of schools, you might expect to find many members of Gen Z writing and speaking out in opposition. I’ve looked for such arguments and found hardly any. In contrast, many young adults tell stories of devastation.

Freya India, a 24-year-old British essayist who writes about girls, explains how social-media sites carry girls off to unhealthy places: “It seems like your child is simply watching some makeup tutorials, following some mental health influencers, or experimenting with their identity. But let me tell you: they are on a conveyor belt to someplace bad. Whatever insecurity or vulnerability they are struggling with, they will be pushed further and further into it.” She continues:

Gen Z were the guinea pigs in this uncontrolled global social experiment. We were the first to have our vulnerabilities and insecurities fed into a machine that magnified and refracted them back at us, all the time, before we had any sense of who we were. We didn’t just grow up with algorithms. They raised us. They rearranged our faces. Shaped our identities. Convinced us we were sick.

Rikki Schlott, a 23-year-old American journalist and co-author of The Canceling of the American Mind, writes,

"The day-to-day life of a typical teen or tween today would be unrecognizable to someone who came of age before the smartphone arrived. Zoomers are spending an average of 9 hours daily in this screen-time doom loop—desperate to forget the gaping holes they’re bleeding out of, even if just for … 9 hours a day. Uncomfortable silence could be time to ponder why they’re so miserable in the first place. Drowning it out with algorithmic white noise is far easier."

A 27-year-old man who spent his adolescent years addicted (his word) to video games and pornography sent me this reflection on what that did to him:

I missed out on a lot of stuff in life—a lot of socialization. I feel the effects now: meeting new people, talking to people. I feel that my interactions are not as smooth and fluid as I want. My knowledge of the world (geography, politics, etc.) is lacking. I didn’t spend time having conversations or learning about sports. I often feel like a hollow operating system.

Or consider what Facebook found in a research project involving focus groups of young people, revealed in 2021 by the whistleblower Frances Haugen: “Teens blame Instagram for increases in the rates of anxiety and depression among teens,” an internal document said. “This reaction was unprompted and consistent across all groups.”

7. Collective-Action Problems

Social-media companies such as Meta, TikTok, and Snap are often compared to tobacco companies, but that’s not really fair to the tobacco industry. It’s true that companies in both industries marketed harmful products to children and tweaked their products for maximum customer retention (that is, addiction), but there’s a big difference: Teens could and did choose, in large numbers, not to smoke. Even at the peak of teen cigarette use, in 1997, nearly two-thirds of high-school students did not smoke.

Social media, in contrast, applies a lot more pressure on nonusers, at a much younger age and in a more insidious way. Once a few students in any middle school lie about their age and open accounts at age 11 or 12, they start posting photos and comments about themselves and other students. Drama ensues. The pressure on everyone else to join becomes intense. Even a girl who knows, consciously, that Instagram can foster beauty obsession, anxiety, and eating disorders might sooner take those risks than accept the seeming certainty of being out of the loop, clueless, and excluded. And indeed, if she resists while most of her classmates do not, she might, in fact, be marginalized, which puts her at risk for anxiety and depression, though via a different pathway than the one taken by those who use social media heavily. In this way, social media accomplishes a remarkable feat: It even harms adolescents who do not use it.

A recent study led by the University of Chicago economist Leonardo Bursztyn captured the dynamics of the social-media trap precisely. The researchers recruited more than 1,000 college students and asked them how much they’d need to be paid to deactivate their accounts on either Instagram or TikTok for four weeks. That’s a standard economist’s question to try to compute the net value of a product to society. On average, students said they’d need to be paid roughly $50 ($59 for TikTok, $47 for Instagram) to deactivate whichever platform they were asked about. Then the experimenters told the students that they were going to try to get most of the others in their school to deactivate that same platform, offering to pay them to do so as well, and asked, Now how much would you have to be paid to deactivate, if most others did so? The answer, on average, was less than zero. In each case, most students were willing to pay to have that happen.

Social media is all about network effects. Most students are only on it because everyone else is too. Most of them would prefer that nobody be on these platforms. Later in the study, students were asked directly, “Would you prefer to live in a world without Instagram [or TikTok]?” A majority of students said yes––58 percent for each app.

This is the textbook definition of what social scientists call a collective-action problem. It’s what happens when a group would be better off if everyone in the group took a particular action, but each actor is deterred from acting, because unless the others do the same, the personal cost outweighs the benefit. Fishermen considering limiting their catch to avoid wiping out the local fish population are caught in this same kind of trap. If no one else does it too, they just lose profit.

Cigarettes trapped individual smokers with a biological addiction. Social media has trapped an entire generation in a collective-action problem. Early app developers deliberately and knowingly exploited the psychological weaknesses and insecurities of young people to pressure them to consume a product that, upon reflection, many wish they could use less, or not at all.

8. Four Norms to Break Four Traps

Young people and their parents are stuck in at least four collective-action traps. Each is hard to escape for an individual family, but escape becomes much easier if families, schools, and communities coordinate and act together. Here are four norms that would roll back the phone-based childhood. I believe that any community that adopts all four will see substantial improvements in youth mental health within two years.

No smartphones before high school  

The trap here is that each child thinks they need a smartphone because “everyone else” has one, and many parents give in because they don’t want their child to feel excluded. But if no one else had a smartphone—or even if, say, only half of the child’s sixth-grade class had one—parents would feel more comfortable providing a basic flip phone (or no phone at all). Delaying round-the-clock internet access until ninth grade (around age 14) as a national or community norm would help to protect adolescents during the very vulnerable first few years of puberty. According to a 2022 British study, these are the years when social-media use is most correlated with poor mental health. Family policies about tablets, laptops, and video-game consoles should be aligned with smartphone restrictions to prevent overuse of other screen activities.

No social media before 16

The trap here, as with smartphones, is that each adolescent feels a strong need to open accounts on TikTok, Instagram, Snapchat, and other platforms primarily because that’s where most of their peers are posting and gossiping. But if the majority of adolescents were not on these accounts until they were 16, families and adolescents could more easily resist the pressure to sign up. The delay would not mean that kids younger than 16 could never watch videos on TikTok or YouTube—only that they could not open accounts, give away their data, post their own content, and let algorithms get to know them and their preferences.

Phone‐free schools 

Most schools claim that they ban phones, but this usually just means that students aren’t supposed to take their phone out of their pocket during class. Research shows that most students do use their phones during class time. They also use them during lunchtime, free periods, and breaks between classes––times when students could and should be interacting with their classmates face-to-face. The only way to get students’ minds off their phones during the school day is to require all students to put their phones (and other devices that can send or receive texts) into a phone locker or locked pouch at the start of the day. Schools that have gone phone-free always seem to report that it has improved the culture, making students more attentive in class and more interactive with one another. Published studies back them up.

More independence, free play, and responsibility in the real world

Many parents are afraid to give their children the level of independence and responsibility they themselves enjoyed when they were young, even though rates of homicide, drunk driving, and other physical threats to children are way down in recent decades. Part of the fear comes from the fact that parents look at each other to determine what is normal and therefore safe, and they see few examples of families acting as if a 9-year-old can be trusted to walk to a store without a chaperone. But if many parents started sending their children out to play or run errands, then the norms of what is safe and accepted would change quickly. So would ideas about what constitutes “good parenting.” And if more parents trusted their children with more responsibility––for example, by asking their kids to do more to help out, or to care for others––then the pervasive sense of uselessness now found in surveys of high-school students might begin to dissipate.

It would be a mistake to overlook this fourth norm. If parents don’t replace screen time with real-world experiences involving friends and independent activity, then banning devices will feel like deprivation, not the opening up of a world of opportunities.

The main reason why the phone-based childhood is so harmful is because it pushes aside everything else. Smartphones are experience blockers. Our ultimate goal should not be to remove screens entirely, nor should it be to return childhood to exactly the way it was in 1960. Rather, it should be to create a version of childhood and adolescence that keeps young people anchored in the real world while flourishing in the digital age.

9. What Are We Waiting For?

An essential function of government is to solve collective-action problems. Congress could solve or help solve the ones I’ve highlighted—for instance, by raising the age of “internet adulthood” to 16 and requiring tech companies to keep underage children off their sites.

In recent decades, however, Congress has not been good at addressing public concerns when the solutions would displease a powerful and deep-pocketed industry. Governors and state legislators have been much more effective, and their successes might let us evaluate how well various reforms work. But the bottom line is that to change norms, we’re going to need to do most of the work ourselves, in neighborhood groups, schools, and other communities.

There are now hundreds of organizations––most of them started by mothers who saw what smartphones had done to their children––that are working to roll back the phone-based childhood or promote a more independent, real-world childhood. (I have assembled a list of many of them.) One that I co-founded, at LetGrow.org, suggests a variety of simple programs for parents or schools, such as play club (schools keep the playground open at least one day a week before or after school, and kids sign up for phone-free, mixed-age, unstructured play as a regular weekly activity) and the Let Grow Experience (a series of homework assignments in which students––with their parents’ consent––choose something to do on their own that they’ve never done before, such as walk the dog, climb a tree, walk to a store, or cook dinner).

Parents are fed up with what childhood has become. Many are tired of having daily arguments about technologies that were designed to grab hold of their children’s attention and not let go. But the phone-based childhood is not inevitable.

The four norms I have proposed cost almost nothing to implement, they cause no clear harm to anyone, and while they could be supported by new legislation, they can be instilled even without it. We can begin implementing all of them right away, this year, especially in communities with good cooperation between schools and parents. A single memo from a principal asking parents to delay smartphones and social media, in support of the school’s effort to improve mental health by going phone free, would catalyze collective action and reset the community’s norms.

We didn’t know what we were doing in the early 2010s. Now we do. It’s time to end the phone-based childhood.

This article is adapted from Jonathan Haidt’s forthcoming book, The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness.

[larissareadings]

It’s okay, love.

➤ pairing: Draco Malfoy x gryff!fem!reader (house barely mentioned).

Request: None

tw: eating disorder; mentions of bullying and anxiety attack.

Note: I’ve wrote this based on personal experiences and what I needed at the time. DO NOT read this if it’s not comfortable for you. If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, please reach out for help.

English is not my native language so I’m sorry if there is any mistakes. This is my first fic ever so it might not be so good. I hope you enjoy it though.

Summary: Y/N is a keeper at the Gryffindor (barely mentioned) team, who has been developing an eating disorder and Draco Malfoy seems to be only one who noticed it.

Y/N always had problems with her body image. At her early teens at Hogwarts she used to be mocked, mostly by Pansy Parkinson and her friends, because she was too thin. When Y/N turned 14, she started gaining weight since she was eating too much due to her increased anxiety, and then she was again being mocked, except now because she was getting fat, and everyone talked about it, even when they didn’t want to be mean, saying things like “you should get on a diet”. By 16, Y/N started focusing on her weight loss journey, she was finally gonna be health, delicate and beautiful as the other girls her age.

Some months later

It was right after the quidditch match between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw. They won, of course, since you’ve let too many quaffles go through the goal hoops. You’re a keeper at the Gryffindor team, and you’re good at it. When you’re not dizzy anyway.

“It happened again, didn’t it?”

you heard the familiar voice behind you. It sounded soft, which was not a usual thing. You closed your locker and turned around to face Malfoy. The others had already left the locker room, so now it was just you and him.

"It happened what again, Malfoy?" you asked him, trying to sound indifferent, when you were all, but that. He had some power over you, it was irritating actually, how nervous you would get when he was around.

Malfoy has been acting weird these past few months, he didn't tease you anymore. When his friends said anything about you, he would either just leave or just stare at you, but never laugh with them, never contribute to their bullying. He was the only one in the group who said nothing about your recent weight loss. The others did. Pansy would never loose the chance to say you finally learnt to shut your mouth.

You hated that he hadn't said anything, you worried you hadn't lost enough weight for him to notice, and you wanted him to see that you could be pretty too.

He looked in you up and down, checking you, before focusing on your eyes again and said "Dizziness."

You didn't understand why he was saying this, why he would notice you feeling dizzy. "Yeah.. just a little. I'm bit distract that's all". A few seconds went by where he said nothing, just stood there looking at you. Was that concern in his eyes? You couldn't tell. "Look, uhmm, I don't know where this is coming from, but I have to go. If you have any jokes to make about me being a bad keeper, or an ugly, fat bad keeper or whatever" you noticed him flinch at that, as if it had hurt him. "say it now or leave it for tomorrow 'cause I'm really tired and just wanna go to my bed"

He walked towards you, enough for him to talk low and look closely into your eyes, making you even more nervous, and said "You have to stop this, Y/N, it's making you sick."

"I don't know what you talking about"

Now he let out a breath in disbelief. "Oh, you don't know what I'm talking about? Let my clarify to you, then, It's a very simple concept, really, I thought you would know it by now." He was actually getting angry. "In order to live, people have to eat. It's the only way to get nutrients into your body. Really, Y/N, that's basics"

"I know about that. It's a good thing I eat, then, right?'' You said also angry now with his sudden aggressiveness.

"Do you though? 'Cause what I'm seeing-" he said gesturing to your body "is a girl fading away, a girl who plays with food at lunch instead of actually eating it, a girl who who used to be a great keeper, but now can't barely stand in a broom because is too weak to do so." He could feel his heart in his throat. He was so nervous, so scared you would fall off that broom. More than he could ever admit. He was keeping his worry to himself for months, hoping you would stop, hoping someone would intervene, but no one did. People just kept either praising your weight loss or humiliating you. But he couldn't stop himself anymore, if you had got hurt today, he would never forgive himself.

You felt your heart skip a beat at that. He was worried. Really worried. You didn't know how to react. You felt seen, someone saw what you were going through. But you also felt good, reassured. So you WERE thinner, and he noticed. “You know what? I don’t get it. Weren’t you and your friends the ones who said I was too heavy to play quidditch? that my weight would slow me down? that I would fall? that the broomstick couldn’t take it?” you now had tears in your cheeks. Your vision was blured by the tears and, God, you were so tired.

Malfoly’s heart might’ve actually broke in that moment. He was so angry at everyone who didn’t notice you hurting yourself, when he was actually the who drove you into it.

‘‘I am so tired.” you kept talking now, tears rolling down your face. “Why is it never enough? I’m tired. I’m thin, I’m ugly. I’m fat, I’m ugly too, and disggusting. I need a diet. I do a diet. and now fading away? OH well, just let me be happy for once.and I am happy now, ok? I’m finally beautiful.” You were talking so fast and you were feeling so weak. Malfoy saw that, so he immediately hold you in a hug, preventing you from falling. Your head were now in his chest, and you were trying to stop crying, trying to make your heart go back to it’s normal rhythm.

“It’s okay. It’s okay, love.” He said stroking your hair. “I’m sorry” he said almost inaudible.

After a few minutes you heart and breathing were finally stable again. You detached yourself from his harms, although his hands were still in both sides of your arms. You looked up to him with watery eyes. You hated crying in front of people. "I'm sorry" you said.

"It's okay." He said again, looking back at you. Taking his hesitant hand, like he was afraid to actually break you, to clean your cheeks from the tears. "I promise".

"Why are you doing this?" you were really confused. You had never seen Malfoy this gentle and.. scared?

He caressed you cheeks while looking from your eyes to your mouth. He then joined your foreheads and spoke really low, like a whisper. “I need you, Y/N.”

“what?” you said also in a whisper. you couldn't believe what you were hearing.

“I need you, and I need you to get better. This is making me crazy. I’m scared all the time. I’m scared you’re gonna fall off the stairs, or the broom. I’m scared of you getting hurt. Please.. just- just let me help, ok? Tell me what to do, and I’ll do it. Anything.”

“Can you.. uhmm. eat? with me, I mean” you asked detaching your heads to look in his eyes.

“Sure” He said immediately. “Is that all?”

“No.” you let out a breath in relief with his answer and smile a little. “But it may be a start. I think”

“Ok.” He returned your smile. “You should probably talk with someone else, though. Someone who could help more. A professor, maybe. I’ll go with you, if you want me to.”

“Yeah.. ok. Can we go to McGonagall, then? Not now, please. When I’m ready.”

“Of course. Anyone you want, love.” He said looking back at you before you hugging him again. Letting your head rest in his chest while he stroke your hair again. This felt like home to both of you. You were so scared, but he was hopeful. He would do anything for you to feel better.

This whole not eating thing made you so tired, but it was also so addictive. You didn’t know if you could ever get better, but maybe this was a start. Having someone to lean on, someone who cared.. it certainly helped.

[joanofexys]

everyone's joking about jean not knowing what boba is but being chill with the nonbinary character but like for real that reaction makes more sense than you realize

the ravens care about talent and yes obviously there's some clear homophobia going on there with Jean's experiences and Kevin's "better to be straight" attitude but truly at the end of the day the ravens don't give a fuck they just want you to ignore it and pretty much all personal things in favor of the game and of being the best. not to mention exy isn't a gendered sport. i've seen people talk/joke about it before how exy is excellent for trans athletes because who's gonna give a shit when it's not separated by gender in the first place. non binary person? no big deal. the ravens are isolated sure but they do still have to exist in public and go out for games and classes they're not completely fucking stupid. i really don't find it odd at all that Jean doesn't bat an eye at the Trojan's being a very queer team

Regarding the fucking boba though Jean has been on an intensely strict diet since the age of 14. It's 2006-2007 ish at the time the books are happening. The man doesn't even know how to cook and at the time I don't believe boba was extremely popular anyway even though it was definitely still a thing. This man on a diet that definitely qualifies as disordered eating if he hasn't somehow developed an eating disorder. Is it really all that surprising that 1) he doesn't know what boba is and 2) thinks it's gross once he does find out?

idk i get it the jokes are silly haha and whatever and it's truly not that serious but I also can't get it out of my head that with Jean's experiences it does genuinely make more sense that he's more chill about being around other queer people than he is with Laila's obsession with boba

[eveistdiepommes]

do you have any cute gerita/itager headcanons?🇩🇪🤍🇮🇹

HIIIEEEEEE hiiieeeee :3

Yes!! Of course I do!! So, GerIta was my first ever ship in like anything! I was so captivated by their dynamic and how they interact in hetalia it made my heart flutter a lot!! I just can’t describe how giddy GerIta makes me!! ENOUGH BABBLING HERE ARE MY HEADCANONS!!!

(Keep in mind, a lot of these developed from my middle/high school interpretation!! So yeah!!)

My biggest headcanon for them is that Germany is Holy Rome! I know in more recent years Hima has denied this and what not, but a lot of it feels like back tracking to me?? Like it doesn’t add up with hints given earlier in the series?? Idk!! So, to this day I like to believe Germany is Holy Rome and he finally found Italy again!! It makes my younger middle school self happy!

Italy’s hands are always warm and Germany’s hands are always cold! I’m a sucker for these kinds of things!! I think Italy constantly takes Germany’s hands in his own to warm them up, and he peppers them with tons of kisses (which usually makes Germany flustered BAHAH)

A long standing headcanon l’ve had for specifically Italy is that he has some sort of tic disorder/tourettes. I was diagnosed with Tourette’s when I was 14, so you can see where this probably started BAHAH. But it makes sense from my point of view! He’s constantly moving around, singing and humming, etc etc. I also headcanon this specifically because of his “Ve” sound. This very much reads to me like a vocal tic, as I make similar noises. And thanks to Italy being one of my favorite characters, I have also adopted the “Ve” tic in my real life (which does not help me seem cool and mysterious in public 🙄) The reason I bring this up is because I think when Italy’s tics get really overwhelming/he’s having a tic attack, Germany is the perfect candidate to apply deep pressure therapy. It’s probably one of the few times Germany initiates physical contact instead of Italy initiating it! He’ll hug Italy tight, tight enough to apply firm pressure and calm his nervous system down!

Germany is a workaholic, we all know this! So I headcanon that Italy takes care of him when he works himself too hard. Italy constantly checks in to make sure he’s drinking water, makes sure he’s eaten, and often tries to get him to take breaks! If he realizes Germany is not keen on taking breaks, Italy will suggest one under the guise of needing help. “Germany, I’m trying to reach something in the closet but I can’t get it. Can you come help me?” And once Germany is out of his office, he’ll try his best to keep him from working as long as he can! He can be pretty sneaky and mischievous as long as it’s for the greater good! Germany very well has caught onto these tricks, but his loyal need to help Italy no matter what usually overrides his need to work.

Germany is the big spoon and Italy is the little spoon! Germany is quite protective of his loved ones, and he feels best when he can provide them with safety. This results in him being the big spoon when he and Italy cuddle this way. He gets to hold Italy close and keep him out of harms way, all to himself. And then once the sensation of Italy’s body pressed against his kicks in, he (like always) gets very flustered. He’ll hide his face in the crook of Italy’s neck as he tries to calm down his racing heart. No matter how many times they get this close, Germany always gets flustered!

Italy was the first one (besides Prussia) to see Germany cry. Italy was very shocked when he first realized it was happening, but the shock had completely subsided once he realized how stressed and how scared Germany must’ve felt. He took him in his arms hurriedly, holding him gently to try and bring him comfort. Italy knew he could be pretty “useless” at the time, but if he could provide just an inkling of comfort to Germany then he did a job well done. To his surprise, Germany clung to him with so much force, Italy felt like he might’ve been crushed!

LAST ONE FOR NOW!!!! Italy often asks Germany to model for him for paintings! He loves painting Germany!! He is just so enamored by his beauty, he loves getting to make art of him, for him, etc etc! Italy has a little art studio where he does all of his paintings, and most of his paintings are of his partner! Germany is just very artistically inspiring!!!

[justyourtypicalwriter]

I just saw the post SERVICE DOGS HCS PLEASEEE !!!

HERE WE GO GANG! These are the one's I have so far! Feel free to suggest recs for any characters or disabilities y'all wanna see! (feel free to rec it even if it's for a character on the list)

STAN:

Service Dog: Brown Newfoundland, Delta (F)

Psychiatric Alert & Response Dog

Disabilitie(s): Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), Occasional Psychosis 

The hair dye oh my god. He can rarely drag himself out of bed during depressive episodes but occasionally he’ll get a random burst of impulsivity and re-dye his hair. Most of the time he does the same shitty job at bleaching it blonde

“DARLING! GUESS WHO’S BACK FROM THE PSYCH WARD” vibes

Sharon and Randy officially divorced when he was fifteen. He got a little better now that there isn’t constant screaming or the threat of a drunk or high Randy doing something stupid

Don’t get me wrong, he’s still a total mess-

Patched his relationship with Shelly

Misdiagnosis club AND public breakdown club

God his entire aura just radiates LOSER energy but he’s somehow insanely popular

Not cousins with Craig & Red in this AU but their parents are insanely close so they hang out a lot

CRAIG:

Service Dog: Irish Setter, Saturn (M)

Medical Alert & Response Dog

Disabilitie(s): Epilepsy

Lowkey autistic but Saturn isn’t task trained for anything related to that

Goes non-verbal at times but it’s pretty spontaneous. Most people outside his group can’t tell if he’s actually non-verbal or just not talking to fuck with everyone

Peru drama was secretly worked out when they were twelve. Craig was hospitalized for a while when they were running tests to get a diagnosis, it was roughly a month long stay. He told Stan he’d call it even if Stan looked after Stripe until he was out. Tweek was away for the summer and he knew Stan wouldn’t let anything happen to her since he’s a massive animal lover

Gotta maintain the bitch personality 

TWEEK:

Service Dog: Doberman, Latte (M)

Psychiatric Alert & Response Dog

Disabilitie(s): Chronic Anxiety,

“Ah fuck, the magic school bus is waiting outside to take me back to rehab-”

I kid you not, he was absolutely terrified of Latte when he first got him

Which is funny because Latte is the sweetest goddamn thing, not at all like Fable whose a fucking demon shit

CPS was called on his parents right before senior year

Placed with the Broflovski’s so he and Kyle got closer

Public breakdown club

BUTTERS:

Service Dog: Boxer, Haven (F)

Psychiatric Alert & Response Dog

Disabilities: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Depression

Public breakdown club (IN DEVELOPMENT)

KYLE:

Service Dog: Black Giant Schnauzer, Noble (M)

Medical & Psychiatric Alert & Response Dog

Disabilities: Diabetes, Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS), Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID)[This one might be switched]

Tubie Kyle (I fucking LOVE this one)

For once I give Kyle an ED that doesn’t stem from body image issues

Humancentipad trauma bc I love being problematic about the episode

DESPISES his lows because it means he has to eat something

Also goes non-verbal but only during times of high stress

Noble is a program dog. Kyle got him when he was 14 and initially he was so against it. He wants to function independently but he really fucking can’t. As he grows older he learns to accept the help more

HATES mirrors. The Humancentipad incident left him with scars

Public breakdown club

KENNY:

Service Dog: Anatolian Shepherd Dog, Harbor (M)

Medical Response & Mobility Aid Dog

Disabilities: Muscular Dystrophy, Chronic Pain

Regularly hospitalized, fucking dies, and revives the next day

DUMPSTER DOG<3333

He trained Harbor mostly by himself (Wendy, Tolkien, and Kyle pitched in a bit and bought him books on training techniques)

MOM FRIEND! Bro I just love making Kenny one of the parental figures of the group. He’s just got a bag of shit he carries around for both himself and everyone else. Stan forgot to swap his bandages? Boom, Kenny’s got new ones. Kyle’s sugar is low? Boom, he’s got whatever little snack the boy is able to tolerate. Someone needs a distraction? Medical episode causes them to need a vomit bag? Boom, done. Mom friend Kenny

So fucking ADHD

JIMMY:

Service Dog: Grey Great Dane, Kitty (F)

Mobility Aid Dog (IN DEVELOPMENT)

TOLKIEN:

Service Dog: Papillon, Jax (M) (IN DEVELOPMENT)

WENDY:

Service Dog: Black German Shepherd, Nike (F)

Psychiatric Alert & Response

Disabilities: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) (IN DEVELOPMENT)

CLYDE:

Service Dog: Husky, Fable (F) (IN DEVELOPMENT)

BEBE:

Service Dog: Golden Retriever, Bucky (M)

Medical Alert & Response Dog

Disabilities: Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS)

Misdiagnosis club

Went to multiple doctors from 13-15 who all told her it was all in her head

And she’s just sitting there like “bitch please, the only thing in my head is my girlfriend and how hot she is. Now tell me why I keep experiencing these symptoms-”

HEIDI:

Service Dog: Chocolate Labrador, Isa (F)

Psychiatric Alert & Response Dog

Disabilities: Autism Spectrum Disorder

Public breakdown club (IN DEVELOPMENT)

[dhgejdjagdolabd]

Question I now have a sideblog dedicated to.

I'm a butch lesbian who has wanted to be male since I was little. I displayed early gender non-conformity and was identified as having gender dysphoria when I was 14 by a therapist I was seeing for other reasons. I have been and am still disturbed by my breasts and wide hips--I have always wanted a flat chest. I even developed an easting disorder primarily centered around my desire to "flatten" my figure, but was unable to do anything about my hip structure, which felt like a nightmare.

Right now, I use a unisex (primarily male) name. I generally dress "like a man". I have a "men's" haircut. I still want a flat chest, but I no longer attempt to hide my breasts with multiple sports bras. I wish my voice was deeper. I am often struck by the desire for a more masculine bone structure, and to be able to fit in with men. I do not fit in with women, either, but I believe that is due to my autism.

However, I have no desire for a beard, or chest hair, or any additional body hair really. I do not want any bottom surgery--mostly because the procedure concerns me and I am not disturbed by my genitalia. Most effects of testosterone-induced masculinisation don't really appeal to me enough for me to pursue it. I enjoy the fact that my feminine features make me attractive to other lesbians--I am not attracted to straight women, and I worry that a lack of breasts would make me less attractive to lesbian woman. Furthermore, I don't think I could live life as a man dating straight women.

Any "transition" I pursue past this point would likely be restricted to pronoun use, requesting different gendered terms, and a legal change of gender. I would worry that losing my breasts would erode my lesbian relationships.

EDIT: If you don't share the other option, I have no clue what it is!!!

[beemers-hell]

Can you drop more lore on Raina???

I wish I had visual images to accompany this, but oh well lmao, anyway Raina lore beneath the cut cause i like running my mouth!

Basically, Raina's kinda just vibing! Like Bank, she was born riiiiiight before Nevada went to absolute Hell, so she has very vague memories of what Nevada was like before the madness really took over n' everything. For a while, her and her family were doing well enough surviving through the early years of Nevada's newfound apocalypse state, however, one by one, her family members would be killed off, through random incidents. Eventually, around the time she turned 11, she was the only surviving member of her family, and she was, as you can imagine, incredibly distraught about it. Confused on what to do now that she was alone in the world, the only thing she could think of was making her way to a site inhabited by the Agency, since she at least knew there would certainly be adults there.

Obviously, since she was a tween, it's not like they were gonna hire her or anything, however the site she found herself at was in need of test subjects for a new series of experiments they were conducting, and, yanno, it's not like a kid is gonna survive for very long out in the wilds anyway, so they decided to take her in as fodder. There, she would be subjected to various experiments that were meant to test a new idea some scientists had been brewing; Maybe there was a way to turn Nevadeans into ultra powerful, supernaturally gifted entities, by somehow harnessing the powers of places and entities from beyond Nevada (ie. The Other Place, Dissonance, The Betrayers)? Which would certainly beef up their soldiers, if they were able to figure it out. So, the subjects of these experiments, including Raina, would be rung through the ringer in order to try and manipulate their bodies into becoming capable of supernatural abilities. Though many of these early attempts were unsuccessful, by the time Raina was registered into the experiment, the Scientists running it had finally broke through the initial troubles they were having and were at a place where some of the experiment subjects were actually surviving, and were displaying abilities they had not wielded before. So Raina's chance of survival/success was pretty assured.

And, yanno, trying to warp the body in order to make it capable of unnatural powers is gonna involve some pretty invasive procedures/testing, and Raina was subject to that shit! But she would eventually make it through the prep stages, which involved such procedures as; A couple of brain surgeries, multiple DNA splicing procedures, many rounds of injections with various substances, etc, etc...But she made it out alive so that's good! Though her physical body had been warped, as a result of her DNA and genetic material having been spliced with that of romp material. Oh well!

Raina showed pretty promising results; the Scientists in charge of her had been wanting to develop a way to engineer a grunt into being able to teleport, and they had managed to get it figured out with Raina. So she was teleporting! It was very uncontrolled and she seemed to have developed some sort of seizure disorder as a result of the signal misfirings occurring in her brain when she teleported, but kinks like those were to be expected and they were working on ironing it out with her. Unfortunately for them though, she managed to escape when a false alarm had been called on the facility she was stuck in, and managed to teleport herself outside of the perimeter of the building. And then she just fucking BOOKED it. By now she was around 14, and she was determined to figure out how to ensure her survival without relying on any outside help, since, yanno, her first attempt at relying on someone resulted in her getting turned into a science experiment lmao.

So she worked very hard on developing her survival skills, and learned how to make do for herself out in the wastelands. She'd picked up some skills from some of her fellow experiment prisoners, and had internalized a lot of the academic information she'd been exposed to from the scientists around her, so she spent a lot of her time split between honing in her ability to survive in the apocalypse, as well as nurturing her newfound interest in science and engineering.

Not much else happened in her life for a while, she was just busy surviving and learning, but by the time she turned 18, she had come across a little group of people calling themselves "W.M.S.Q." and at this point, she figured she could make a more educated judgement on if she could trust people around her by now, so she joined their little faction as a worker for them. And they were very good to her! So she stayed with them, and that's where she's at currently. She's a fantastic worker, a very skilled marksman, and extremely gifted in the engineering department, having gotten so good at her craft that she's just straight up inventing her own specialized weapons to use, just for herself. She's learned how to use her teleportation powers to the absolute effectiveness in combat situations, as well as whatever the hell it is that her weird romp abilities allow her to do. She's a very laid back type of guy in spite of the horrors she bore at a young age, in fact, due to them, she has no sense of fear left in her! Which has been proving to be a difficulty for her, but yanno, everyone's gotta struggle with something lol

[missempanada]

Stop saying Nico is OOC

As someone who heavily relates to Nico because of my development as a person, seeing people say he’s “out of character” in The Sun and The Star feels like a slap in the face.

He’s not out of character. He’s healing.

If you remember how he was before Bianca died and before he ran away from Camp Half Blood, he was just a little kid jumping around, calling gods “cool”, asking Percy if he was good at surfing. Then everything we know happened which made him become this gloomy character. 

Something similar happened to me and I think something similar happened to mostly everyone who relates to Nico in some type of way. When I was a child I was very talktative and I also was quite nerdy in my peers’ eyes. So first it came the bullying. Then issues at home. Then I developed an ED and started self-harming. And of course I had a lot of internalized homo and biphobia. After 10 years I can sort-of say I got my old self back - but not truly, because I’ll never be able to be the same way I was a child. I feel so disconnected from my teenage self to the point where I feel closer to the version of me I was when I was 6. However I’m still alive and though I still have disordered behaviors I can surely say I’m happier than I’ve ever been in the past 14 years.

If someone who I knew when I was 14 suddenly came up to me and said I have changed not in a good way but complaining I would feel so sad. Please let people and characters -and the people who relate to those characters- heal.

Nico won’t ever be the same way he was when he first showed up in The Titan’s Curse. But he won’t be that gloomy broody teenager we know and love neither. And that’s okay. He’s back to making jokes and pop culture references and saying things out of the blue. Some of these jokes are self-deprecating ones cause that’s the way he is now and that’s okay. Rick Riordan won’t write your “uwu emo gay baby” anymore and you’ll have to deal with it.

The Sun and the Star has some issues and a lot of its criticisms are valid. But Nico being out of character is not one of theme. Please let trauma survivors heal.

(this chart kinda sums it up)

[detentiontrack]

Why do you have brain damage?

Loooong story. Basically when I was 10, I got strep throat and that triggered the development of PANDAS (pediatric autoimmune neuropsychiatric disorders associated with streptococcal infection) which is inflammation of the basal ganglia due to my immune system attacking my brain, and then when I was around 12ish it turned into general autoimmune encephalitis, which is my immune system attacking multiple parts of my brain and getting triggered by any infection. It also caused severe neuropathy on the right side of my body. I finally got proper treatment when I was 14 (IVIG infusions) and I went into remission. I'm doing a lot better, but now at 18, I still have some residual symptoms (memory loss, aphasia, stammering/mixing up words, fine and gross motor skill issues, numbness and weakness in my right leg, etc.)

[amysubmits]

do you have any thoughts on how things like Autism and ADHD can play a positive and/or negative role in relationships and sexual interactions especially in the BDSM D/s dynamic?

Hi :)

I have ADHD, we used to think CD also had ADHD as he was diagnosed with it previously, but we recently learned he was misdiagnosed.

We both have some autistic traits, but I don't think either of us likely qualify for the diagnosis. I find development really interesting so I've sort of been interested in learning about autism since I was in high school...but I don't know nearly as much as many other people. Anyway, I know some about both but I only really have experience with ADHD so this will be more ADHD focused and any of the autism stuff should be taken with a grain of salt.

Some positives that come to mind:

Clear communication. I think people with autism and/or ADHD both tend to be more literal and direct rather than speaking vaguely or in metaphors. I think there is a lot of benefit to having really clear communication in kink or d/s. It just lowers the risk of miscommunication and can increase intimacy which can be a really awesome thing, too.

ADHD can come with hyperfocus which can make BDSM or D/s experiences really enhanced if they're super locked in to the experience.

Passion. Whether it's hyperfocus in ADHD or special interests in autism, both groups can be really passionate about the things they are interested in. If one of those interests or fixations is BDSM or D/s, they can do a really great job of researching thoroughly and learning a lot, which can lead to better educated and ultimately safer interactions and relationships.

The ability to fully "unmask" can be really healing. I think the nature of BDSM and D/s can allow people to be more "themselves" than they might feel they can be in other relationships or situations. With kink not really being the most socially acceptable thing, by exploring kink, we're sort of rejecting some of society's expectations for us. Instead of asking what our relationships 'should' be like or what our bedroom play 'should' include, we can instead ask ourselves what we want and what is healthy for us and so on, and customize our relationships and intimate interactions based on those. And I think taking that same basic idea of...I'm going to set my goals and expectations based on what I actually want, what really works for me/us, etc - is a really good way to approach life in general when you have neurodivergence. Or if you don't, haha. But especially if you do! Cause we can't fit in the neurotypical box. I've found a lot of healing through d/s this last year. I should write about that!

Some mixed:

Almost everyone with autism (google says 90%), and around 40% of people with ADHD, also have sensory processing disorder. Which has pros and cons in my mind. Because on one hand, if someone is sensory seeking in certain ways, BDSM may be a great way to get the sensory input they like or need. On the other hand, people with sensory issues may have more sensory related hard limits or triggers that need to be worked around.

Some negatives:

Lots of people with ADHD (and I'd think maybe autism as well?) have regularly been criticized for their shortcomings. I think you'd be hard pressed to find someone who had ADHD as a kid, especially if it wasn't diagnosed young, but probably even if it was - who don't have insecurities that were caused by unfair/unreasonable criticism. Although most everyone knows about ADHD, it's still not well understood. I was diagnosed at 13 or 14 but have just started to really understand what ADHD looks like for me this past year! For a long time I thought I was misdiagnosed because my experiences didn't mirror examples of ADHD that I had always seen/heard. Anyway, I feel like most people think ADHD means being hyper and not paying attention to the teacher in school, and "...squirrel!" right? but not everyone with ADHD has hyperactivity and even those who have the hyperactive type, often have a lot of other types of symptoms that most people don't recognize as being ADHD symptoms. Like sensory issues, memory issues, difficulty with task initiation, other forms of executive function, rejection sensitive dysphoria, impulsivity. And due to that lack of understanding and sort of...ableism, I guess, I think a lot of ADHD people have wounds related to being treated as if we chose to do things poorly or were careless, even though we did our best. Most of us have experiences of being criticized as if we were making immoral choices, when in reality we had shortcomings that we couldn't overcome on our own. And when you grow up experiencing that a lot, it seeps into your view of yourself and makes you insecure and sensitive to criticism. If you have that sort of wound, it can make D/s challenging because accepting respectful criticism or critiques are part of d/s on both sides of the slash.

Most people with ADHD experience rejection-sensitive dysphoria, similar to what I stated above. But yeah this can make it hard to accept criticism and not get defensive or overly hurt, which can make being submissive tough in some situations.

With SPD, that sometimes includes auditory processing issues which can make verbal communication more challenging. This could potentially be dangerous if a sub says the safeword and the dom has auditory processing issues and doesn't immediately process/understand what was said. In other situations it may just make communication harder.

I'm sure there's lots more, but hope this is a decent start. I'd love to see people with ASD or ADHD or both comment with their experiences. :)

[whotfelsewantedtobelynnyx]

So I found a Reddit post asking for headcanons about the BATTs…and I got a little out of control. Enjoy!

(Copied and pasted my comment here)

Oh my god here we go. Unleash the floodgates.

First of all, all three are Raine’s kids, as well as Eda’s stepkids. I will not be taking criticism. Katya and Derwin are also excellent older siblings to Luz, King, and especially Hunter. Katya also gets along very well with Emira and Amity.

Now, personal headcanons.

From left to right:

Katya:

- probably between the ages of 17 and 19.

- is actually incredibly [powerful](https://whotfelsewantedtobelynnyx.tumblr.com/post/690689421571489792/her-yes-and-if-you-dont-recognize-that-you-may), but uses her powers to make food come to life

- used to get teased for carving her palisman into a bug

- was a former foster kid and ran away when her “caregivers” started pressuring her to join a coven

- lived as a wild witch for years before being forced to join the Bard Coven, which is how she met Raine

- became incredibly protective of Amber as soon as they were introduced

- developed a bit of a crush on Steve, who had to gently remind her that he was definitely too old for her

- now has some claustrophobia issues, as well as struggled with trusting Raine again after learning that they lied about being brainwashed and left her in prison (don’t worry, she forgave them eventually)

- has to put up with being the “cool older sister” (i.e. can’t go anywhere without Luz and King begging to come along. She takes it in stride.)

- has aspirations of branching out and becoming an author, but doesn’t have much confidence in her OC writing (no one’s projecting here…)

Derwin:

- was the son of fairly rich parents who didn’t particularly want a child, so they paid for him to board at St. Epiderm (where I’m guessing Raine taught). When everyone else went home for the holidays, he was one of the few who stayed behind.

- Met Raine when he was fairly young (around the ages of 10-11, now about 19-20) and grew up with them as a teacher. He eventually grew to think of them as a parental figure, and since his parents really didn’t care, he got permission to live with them full time. Legally, they had custody of him from the time he was in his mid teens until he became an adult*.

- is considered one of St. Epiderm’s most talented students studying the bard track. He won several awards and competitions. However, Raine refused to ever let their protégé enter the IFWOT (he didn’t learn why until years later, when he finally met Terra Snapdragon for the first time)

-is also a bit of a history buff and loves spending time with Lilith when he can. She promised to get him a job interning at the museum with her after the DOU.

- considers himself to be demiromantic and has a steady boyfriend. Refuses to give the girls any details, much to Katya’s annoyance.

- very protective over his parent and nearly got himself killed when they were captured during the DOU.

- Is lowkey scared of Hooty.

Amber:

- was formerly a street kid (having run away from an abusive aunt and uncle) and lied about her age (13-14) to join the BATTs. Raine found out fairly quickly but let her stay out of a combination of protectiveness and attachment.

- Also considers Raine to be her parent and quickly became fairly clingy towards them. She and Derwin had some friction in the beginning because she was jealous of his relationship with Raine- similar to her reaction when she first met Eda. Raine was gentle and patient, however, and she grew to love Derwin as a sibling as well.

- has a tendency to push people away at first out of defensiveness, then becomes incredibly attached once she decides she can trust them.

- gets up to incredible chaos with King and Hooty.

- Is one of King’s favorite people because she “know(s) he’s a Titan, but doesn’t understand the big deal”.

- most definitely has unmanaged ADHD. Raine has been doing their best to manage a rebellion and give her a normal life at the same time, including helping her learn to cope with her disorder and forcing her to actually go to school.

- adores Eda and often curls up in her lap when she sits down for too long.

- BFFs with Eberwolf, distrusts Darius.

- thinks Steve is JUST THE COOLEST.

- is one of those “ew, kissing. Romance is gross.” teens.

- often acts more childish because she never really had the chance to be a child.

- EVERYONE is protective of Amber. Katya, Derwin, Eda, and especially Raine. She’s the baby of the family and anyone who hurts her will regret it.

- thinks the solution to everything is arson.

- was on the airship with Steve during the DOU because Raine wanted to protect her but knew she wouldn’t let them send her away. Steve had to stop her from charging in to save her family when sh*t hit the fan.

ok I’m done. Also, I have a whole Tumblr blog full of similar stuff if anyone’s interested, lol!

*I have no idea how old adult is in the Boiling Isles. I mean, Lilith joined the Emperor’s Coven when she was like…16? So?

[theadviceblog]

Hey uh I have a question...

My friend and I are 14 and he almost certainly has some sort of eating disorder. I don't know what to do exactly because we don't have very much faith in the adults around us (and all I know about his parents is that they're neglectful and his stepmother is "bad with money" so not exactly confidence inspiring). He doesn't throw up to my knowledge, but he doesn't eat very often if he can get away with it and some of our friends that know (me included) have spent time during dismissal trying to force him to eat even like a fry or something cause we're legitimately worried.

I understand if this is out of your wheelhouse, this is my last resort cause I really don't know what to do to help except talking to an adult which we cannot safely do currently

Hello!

So first of all. you're being braver than you should be about things like this at your age. its scary not knowing what to do more so when the adults in your life aren't helpful.

EDs can develop for sadly all too many reasons at your age. body dysmorphia, pressures to conform to a beauty standard (this doesn't JUST apply to the girls, boys too sadly) but from what you're telling me it might have developed out of a need for control. he does not have much control over his life so this is what they can control, sadly my mother developed an ED that way and it put her in phyc ward at age 13

Forcing him to eat will only push him away because as much as you want to try and help it might be another person taking away control in his eyes. If you're worried about him dropping the weight too quickly get him booster shakes if you can. or full fat milkshakes but maybe get yourself one so he doesn't think you're doing it for him specifically.

You mentioned vomiting so if thats a worry you need to keep an eye on his teeth and fingers, the skin on his fingers might be pealing more, his nails might become cracked and discoloured and you'll see more decay and sharp bits in his teeth.

I wish you could tell his parents, I wish they cared enough to help their son but it might have to come down to you telling an adult you trust. It might be your parents, your grandparents, a school councillor, or just an awesome teacher who swears in class now and again but someone you know can help him.

he needs help. and if his parents don't care he might need to be taken away from them and I know You're worried about the "What happens if i do this?" but my main worry who has seen this situation is "what happens if you don't?" if you want to tell a teacher or a councillor at school you could make an anonymous letter if you feel that would be safer for all parties.

Good luck mate, i'm sorry you have to deal with this at your age and i hope things get better for him.

Love Birdy

[simmingonthelow]

All for Macha for ask thingy 😎👉👉

Hiiiii Ash! 💖

1.What memory would your OC rather just forget?

The death of her sister. Its live RENT FREE in her poor head.

2.What's something about your OC that people wouldn't expect just from looking at them?

She loves the color pink. Contrary to her dress (which is symbolic) she's a PINK GIRLIE. I you went into her room you'd think it was someone else's room with the color palette being pink and cream,etc. Macha also loves cute things and aside from collecting are she also has an assortment of cute things that she's occasionally let her grands play with.

3.What is your OC's fatal flaw? Are they aware of this flaw?

Macha would do anything for her loved ones. I don't think she'd even thing twice about it.

4.When scared, does your OC fight, flee, freeze or fawn?

Scared or not if there's something to Fight above she will throw hands.

5.How far is your OC willing to go to get what they want?

Very far. Macha actually like collecting art so she'd stop at nothing to get what she wanted (but she's always choose the less messy way first)

6.How easily could your OC be convinced to do something that goes against their moral compass?

Not easy at all. She's not one to bend what she believes in so you'll be begging a wall basically.

7.What's one way your OC has changed since you first came up with them?

Welllll, i would really say she changed but its more like she moved from just being the Queen and the mom of a sim i used to play with regulary to being a more indepth MACHA. Her character developement was slow but it was nice. I guess the change would be her moving from being a flat character(?)

8.Would your OC ostensibly be able to get away with murder?

Yup and with ease too cause who's gonna stop the Vampire Queen.

9.Do you have a specific lyric or quote which you associate with your OC?

"Right now? She a baddie she know she a ten!"- (In ha mood Ice spice) and also "And I see forever in your eyes I feel okay when I see you smile, smile"- (Dandelions Ruth B)

10.What's an AU that would be interesting to explore with your OC?

An au where her mom never left and her big sister never died I guess😭

11.What is your OC's weapon of choice? Have they ever actually used it?

Her hands and legs are enough but if she really needed a weapon it would be a spear.

12.Is your OC self-destructive? In what ways?

She used to beat herself up about her past but now when switching of her feelings are a thing, things bother her less and less

13.If you met your OC, would the two of you get along?

Lmaoooooo, no. I think she'd be sick of me and how forgiving I am 🤣😩

14.How does your OC want to be seen by other characters?

Macha already passes off as a caring person to her family (and maybe even close friends) but to anyone else she want to look like someone to not trifle with, and she does.

15.Does your OC have a faceclaim? If so, who?

Nope I don't really think about real like face claims for my ocs

16.What is your OC's pain tolerance like?

This was ansered here

17.What is the worst thing you have put your OC through story-wise?

Loosing her big sister 😭

18.Is your OC more cold and detached or up close and personal?

To persons she's close to she's close up and personal and the rest gets the cold part of her.

19.How does your OC behave when enraged?

Macha only gets enraged when people get physical and usually she'd let Rueben deal with such things but if she has to she'll get reall violent.

20.Does your OC have a tendency to get jealous? If so, how does this manifest?

Macha is not one for jealousy. Rueben give her most if not all the attention so she never has the chance to be. With anyone else as long as they are happy with the persons around them, so is she.

21.Does your OC have any illnesses or disorders? How do they handle it?

Macha: "Illnesses are for humans, sweety"

22.What character alignment would you consider your OC to be?

sooo I took a test for this cause i didn't remember what alignments were and i got neutral good and i guess that's who Macha is.

23.What emotion is the hardest for your OC to process? How about express?

Sadness. Macha spent enough time being sad but she doesn't know how to process it and would rather not feel anything when she's sad.

24.What is an alternative life path your OC might have gone down? How different would their life be if they'd made those decisions?

Maybe she'd be non- existent 💀 if you knew what the other path was

25.What is your favorite thing about your OC?

She made sure that the people around her don't lack the support that she did when she was younger.