#my favorite part was how we both agreed we do Not open our school email because we're afraid of what we see in there

[dramatic-dolphin]

if i don't see the email it can't hurt me (<- guy who is about to be hurt by the email)

[theunholygrails]

Foolish Games Part 2

Masterlist

A/N: Introducing new characters and some drama! Percy is still sexy as ever :'(.

Warnings: BJ

I woke up to a door slamming so hard it joined the symphony of my pounding headache. I groaned, hoisting myself over the back of the couch to investigate to intrusion. A brunette head of long sweeping hair rushed through the foyer, barreling towards the kitchen. A familiar mop of black hair hurried after.

Reyna was speaking so fast in Spanish my brain scrambled to keep up. I noted lots of curse words followed by a series of sentences too fast I was surprised she even knew what she was saying. Percy was answering in slow measured words, probably fighting a hangover of equal measure. I ducked behind the back of the couch, reaching for my phone plugged in on the coffee table.

It was noon. 2% battery and a couple messages from friends. Nothing from my ex thank gods. Five from Annabeth being nosey. I opened my uber app, squinting in the sunlight breaking through the cream curtains. I managed to get my driver secured.

A door slammed and I winced, peaking to check that they were in another room. I did not immediately spot my dress in the chaotic. I grimaced remembering the midnight swim. When I sat up I finally noticed the white tshirt I wore and the basketball shorts. And then I went rigid remembering what happened after the swim.

“Motherfucker,” I whispered.

Now I really had to get out of this house. I checked the arrival time of my driver. Three minutes away. Great. I made my way on shaky knees to the large wooden front door. My keys were still in the collection dish. I grabbed them quietly and turned the door handle a fraction of an inch before another door slammed open and Reyna came barreling back into the foyer, brown eyes landing promptly on my guilty ass. Behind her, Percy pursed his lips into a thin line and raised both of his hands to lay on top of his head. His biceps strained nicely against the thin t shirt.

“The fuck is this?” Reyna whispered.

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing,” I babbled.

“It’s just Noa, Rey. Gods,” Percy said.

“I can see that, Percy!” She snapped. I was glad her spear was not strapped across her back this morning. “Why is she sneaking out of my house in your clothes?”

“People were swimming last night. Her clothes got wet.”

“I’m sure the fuck they did.”

“Zeus, Rey! You ended it with me. Why does it even matter?”

“Because I still fucking love you! I’m sorry, okay?” She burst out crying and Percy instantly pulled her against his chest. The memory of being in those arms drove me out the door like a nest of hornets.

~~~~

“I’m just saying. You have nothing to feel sorry for,” Annabeth paused to sip her iced coffee. “Unless they get back together and then you sleep with him. But as of right now, you’re good. Trust me. Been on the Percy train. We’re still friends. You’ll get over it. Just a harmless rebound for both of you.”

I groaned, laying my chin on the cool metal table parked outside our favorite coffee shop positioned between our New York apartments. Just two Manhattan women enjoying their Sunday afternoon. The air was cooling as fall neared. I pulled my baseball cap closer to the top of my sunglasses.

“Should I call him?”

“Maybe tomorrow. Let him deal with his relationship drama. Reyna is a lot to deal with. Still nothing from fuckface?”

“Nope and that’s fine.”

“Good for you. We will hydrate you, get you a good dinner, hit the gym before work in the morning and then get back on our bad bitch mental track. Agreed?”

~~~~

“Good Monday, yogis,” I chirped from my desk at the corner of my studio.

The third class was beginning to trickle in and I was settling into my rhythm. Hot yoga was next and hopefully I would sweat out all the negativity I’d allowed lately. I was in the middle of emailing back a potential client when someone rapped at the wood of my desk. I glanced up to a blonde male who waved gently.

“Heya, sansei Noa,” he said.

“That’s karate. Can I help you?”

“Do you do trial classes?”

I hit send on my email and closed my laptop. The guy was built like a poser with the defined muscles and chiseled jaw but his voice was soft and tempered. He was clean shaven and dressed like a basic gym bro.

“Normally you have to schedule them beforehand because of class size,” I gave my standard answer.

“Right, my bad. Sorry. I was just passing by the front and it looked like the kind of place I needed right now. Can I go ahead and pick a date then?”

I was staring too long into his pale blue eyes, honed in on the polite response. A nice change from the daily demanding consumers. “You know what? Ive got space right now if you like? Have you ever done hot yoga?”

A brilliant white smile showcasing sharp canines. “My favorite.”

“Perfect. I just need a name, number and email to get you a file started.”

He leaned large hands on my desk. “It’s Luke Castellan.”

Before he could give the contact information, I cut him off. “Wait. I know you.” His tanned skin paled significantly.

“I…”

“You’re supposed to be dead!” I blurted out.

His eyes skated around the room and he leaned in closer. “That’s not supposed to be public knowledge. I assume you’re a demigod?”

“Luke, you trained me. We took fucking sculpting together. The Apollo table was right next to the Hermes one for fuck’s sake.”

He winced. I heard a murmuring from the rest of my class I was disturbing with my volume. I collected my shock finally. “Take a seat if you want. We should talk after class. I need to start.”

“Okay. Thank you. I’m sorry Noa.”

I waved him off and walked over to my yoga mat. I sat cross legged and drew in an even breath to smooth out my emotions.

It was a slow 30 minute class. Each pose and movement dragged on. Finally, I dismissed the group and nodded Luke outside. He was waiting on the bench outside of the studio I split renting with a few other instructors. I sat next to him, wiping sweat from my face with the towel slung over my pink sports bra.

“Alright, talk,” I said.

“Not much to say. I was given a second chance at my hearing. Here I am. Starting over.” A shrug of well-defined shoulders. The muscles flexed beneath his gleaming sweat. His red tank top stuck to his chest and stomach. “I wish I remembered you, truly. That time is such a blur in my life.”

“It’s ok. You were a lot older than me and to be honest I had a massive crush on you so I probably hid most of the time.”

A surprised smile slipped across his lips. “I’m assuming the betrayal helped you get over that?”

I laughed outloud, slapping his knee. “No shit! So where are you staying these days?”

“Just around the corner actually. Got a job at the local gym.”

“Yeah I bet the fuck you did.” I squeezed his forearm between both of my hands. I wanted to roll my eyes at me falling back into my school girl giddy at him. Betrayal of the gods aside. He was even more gorgeous than ever. The scar down his face gave him a dark sexy vibe. Like a bad boy even though he claimed he was rehabbing himself now.

“So how, did you feel about the class?”

“I mean, I’d like to sign up for it a couple times a week, that’s for sure. And I’d like to take you out to dinner to make up for not remembering a beauty like you.”

I almost bit my cheek biting out the response of “Yes!”

“You’ve got my number,” he said, chuckling quietly. “I’ve got to get to work.” He shouldered his gym bag and excused himself.

The bike back to my apartment was spent reliving my tween fantasies about bad boy Luke. I opened my apartment door and screeched seeing a man sitting at my kitchen counter. Percy turned to face me.

“You know you live in New York? You should really lock that.”

“It was!” I snapped.

A quick grin. “Yeah. But it was easy to break into.”

I dropped my bag onto the floor and brushed past him to get a protein shake from the fridge. “I have to shower and get prepared for my night classes.” I told him.

“I know. I’m sorry I didn’t call earlier.”

I shrugged. “I didn’t either.”

He paused, studying my face in the shitty lighting of the single bulb hanging between us over the counter. “Are we good, Noa?”

“Of course. What’s a little head between friends?”

“Okay…I can’t read you. Can you not play tough just for a minute?”

I chugged the shake and set the bottle down between us. I leaned my arms on the chilled counter, bun knocking against the light. “Honestly, Percy. I’m fine. We are good.”

“Reyna moved back in.”

“You’re engaged again?”

I drank from the empty bottle to give myself something to do. He watched me with those green eyes. He’d known me for far too long. He was nearly impossible to deceive, but I was determined today. The fact that I had dreamt of fucking him two consecutive nights was irrelevant if he was off the table. Even if his lips did look incredibly juicy tonight. Even if they had done near illicit things to me just nights ago.

“I don’t know. She said she wanted to work on things. And it’s her dad’s house, so I can’t ask her to go and I don’t want to go to my mom’s and admit defeat.”

“You know you could stay here, Perc.”

He worked his jaw silently, then rubbed his hands over his face. “Thanks. I do know. Even if we aren’t officially back together, I think we should work on it…” he trailed off.

“And not tell her about you eating me out?” I leaned closer because I was mean to both him and myself. Because I knew this top combined with this angle gave him a simple opportunity. And he took it.

His tongue slid out between his lips as his eyes flicked down, stayed, then dragged deliberately back up. “Probably not,” he agreed.

For a long moment neither of us said anything. He had more to lose now than me. We were no longer on equal playing fields. So, I left the ball in his court. “I’m going to go shower.”

I was done washing in the first ten minutes. The second ten was giving him a little wiggle room to decide. I had my hand on the faucet to cut off the water that was beginning to go cold when I heard the door creak open. I watched through the fogged glass, catching a hold of my breath. I watched as he tugged his shirt off. My stomach flipped over itself when he reached for his jeans. What had I done?

The opening door let in a rush of cool air, perking my skin to attention. My eyes raked unapologetically over his naked, aroused body. His dark hair quickly slicked against his stubble covered jaw. His eyes were no longer the sea green but murky like the deep water of the ocean.

“Hey,” he said quietly, cautiously.

“Hey,” I giggled, reaching out to touch his rough jaw. He winced, catching my hand with his. “We probably shouldn’t kiss again.”

“Sure, whatever you want, Percy. What can I do to you?”

He groaned, turning his mouth into my palm, scraping teeth against the vulnerable skin. “Touch me,” he said.

My free hand instantly planted against his chest, scraping at the muscle. His eyes fluttered closed, head tilting back to expose his throat. I slid my other hand into his thick hair, tugging it tightly between my fingers and pulling to grant myself more access to the strong column of his neck. I bit it first, backing him into the tiled wall when he shuddered. I kissed over the reddening skin and moved my hands to his flat stomach, feeling the shuddered breaths beneath my touch.

“Like this?” I asked.

His reply was unintelligible. I kissed down his chest, moving my hand lower still as I went. When my fingers brushed over the v-line of his hips, I shifted my route away from the center and to his thighs. An annoyed grunt escaped his lips. “Hush,” I scolded, getting my knees under me. The now cold water was hitting the back of my neck and flowing down my body. I placed my hands on the inside of both his thighs, trailing them upwards and upwards until he nearly contorted when I gripped him. He let out a scandalous string of curses that quickly turned to moaning silence when I took him into my mouth.

He unraveled in minutes and I let him cum all over the breasts I had teased him with earlier. I rose in front of him, my own rosy cheeks mirroring his. “Now we’re even.”

[magicforjournals]

The Green Dress (A Story About Loki)  Chapter 4 : A God’s Lips

RE-UPLOAD - Last upload was missing some parts, my bad!!

Warnings : Explicit (18+)

It’s early in the morning, way earlier than you usually wake up. You barely slept last night; nerves, anticipation, fear even, just twisting your insides and preventing you from getting any kind of rest. You know you’ll eventually have to get up and get ready for work but, you’re just lying in bed, still shell-shocked at the conversation you had with Loki last night.

After receiving his email, you had sat in the shower, letting the hot water hit your skin, for what seemed like hours. Had Loki just asked you on a date? That… That meant he wanted to see you again, he thought of you just as much as you thought of him. He craved your presence just as much as you craved his. You had revelled in the thought of being important to someone like him, a literal god. Finally, you had gathered all of your strength to get out of the shower, grab your phone and sit on your bed to reply to his email. You felt it impersonal to accept an invitation to a date over email and had decided to give him your phone number instead, offering him the option to call you. Within minutes, your phone rang. Heart pounding and hands shaking, you had answered his call. The sound of his soft, deep voice through the phone made you shiver and instantly soak. You wanted him, you needed him. Your conversation, although brief, had been wonderful. You both had agreed that you would be making dinner, and he was to meet you at your apartment at 6 o’clock. You could barely utter a word when he wished you goodnight and sweet dreams before hanging up. You had laid back on your bed, trying to catch your breath. You had just invited a god to have dinner in your home. It wasn’t just any god, it was Loki. Loki who had kissed you with such passion, it had left you weak in the knees for days. Loki who, by only speaking, could make you so incredibly wet. You had slid a hand down your body, imagining it was his hand instead of yours, grabbing your breast, rubbing tight circles on your clit. It didn’t take long for the orgasm to rip, burning hot, through your entire body, making you spasm in pleasure as his sultry voice still rang in your ears, and you had to bite down on your pillow to muffle the loud moan that escaped your lips as you came.

As you lie there thinking about last night, you tell yourself it’s only a couple of hours before you get to see him again. Jumping out of bed, newfound energy bursting through your veins, you get ready in a flash, speeding through breakfast and cleaning up. You call yourself a taxi and get to school way too early, eager to start your day. As promised, your car is waiting for you in the parking lot, however, you see Nat getting out of it as you start walking to the school entrance.

“You’re here early”, she says as she catches up to you, following you inside. There were usually no visitors allowed unless the principal approves it, but since the school is funded by Tony and that Natasha is an Avenger, they never had a problem with her coming in before or after classes. Regardless, she never came during school hours, knowing her presence would be a distraction for the kids.

“Yeah, I could really sleep last night,” you say with a smirk.

“Oh…” She says, intrigued. “Oh, I know that face! What happened?!” She then presses you.

“Well….”, you tease, walking into your classroom. “Loki emailed me last night to ask if we could have dinner tonight.” Nat’s mouth falls open as she hops on your desk, her usual spot to sit.

“Did you say yes?” She asks.

“Yeah, he’s coming over tonight. I’m making him dinner.”

“Holy fuck, you’re joking!” Natasha screams so loud, you have to shush her. “You’re having dinner with Loki Laufeyson TONIGHT.”

“I know, I know. Be careful, he’s the god of mischief,” you say, mimicking her.

“Oh, well yeah obviously! I’ll have my phone with me if there’s any problem, just use the emergency button.” She reminds me. “But I meant you’re having dinner with the man who pinned you against a wall four days ago and kissed you like you’ve never been kissed before. The same man you told me you could not stop thinking about.”

“Yeah,” you whisper, your face turning red.

“Are you excited?”

“I’m nervous! I haven’t been on a first date in almost a year Nat! What if he doesn’t like me anymore in the end? There’s something different about him and it terrifies me. If you think about it, I’m just a simple mortal.” You tell her.

“Please, you’ll be just fine. Loki seems very interested in you.” She reassures you. “And you know, I was thinking last night… Loki has been good for a while now… maybe being with you would really change him. I know I have some preconceived notions about him, but everyone is allowed a second chance. I was, so was Bucky and Bruce too…” She trails off. Talking about him was still a sore subject. Bruce had been missing since Sokovia and it had left a gaping hole in our hearts, especially Nats. Over the years, you had watched their relationship slowly flourish, they were quietly flirting and often seeing each other in secret. He was the first man she ever let get herself get close to, and he cared so deeply about her and was terrified of ever losing her. And when he never came back, and when no one could find the Quinjet, Natasha could barely leave her bed. Getting her back on her feet was one of the hardest things you had ever done.

“Hey,” you whisper, wrapping your arms around her, rubbing her back.

“He’ll come back when he’s ready, just give him time.”

“I know,” she says, hugging you back. “I just miss him.” We all did.

You stay like that, holding each other in silence for a while.

“I should go,” Nat says, hopping off your desk. “You call me tonight if there’s anything, right?” She adds, looking you in the eyes.

“Yeah, of course! How are you getting back?” You ask.

“Sam is picking me up, he’s on his way now,” she replies, checking her phone.

“Say hi for me! I’ll call you later ok?”

“Will do! Keep me posted. Love you, bye!” Nat yells as she walks out. You giggle to yourself, unpacking your stuff and getting ready for the day, Tuesdays are your favorites.

The day flew by so fast, it left you a little dizzy. Your students left a while ago and you were finally done cleaning up the mess of the day. You look down at your jeans and there are some mud stains all over them, the WWII reenactment of the day having left its mark. Nonetheless, your students enjoyed it, and you tell yourself to add the activity to the memory board you have in class. As you glance in its direction, you see that the clock above is showing 3:45, and you panic. You didn’t realize how long you had spent cleaning.

You pack up your things as fast as you can, almost running to your car. You need to get home quickly, Loki is coming over in two hours, and you have to make dinner and get ready. You desperately need a shower after running around outside in the mix of snow and mud all day.

Getting home in record time, you drop your bags by your desk. Running to your bathroom as you throw your hair in a bun, you take the fastest shower you’ve ever taken, scrubbing down as quick as you can. Thank heavens you had washed your hair the night prior. Once you get out, you check your makeup for any touch-ups and add a small line of liner and lip gloss. Shaking your hair out of its bun, you like the way it looks and decide to leave it as is. Still wrapped up in your towel, you make your way to the kitchen to start prepping the food that needs to begin cooking immediately. You get everything else out and organize your kitchen. Again, you thank your lucky star that you’re a neat person and you don’t need to clean your apartment before Loki gets here. With most of the dinner cooking, you head to your bedroom to get dressed. Opting for black lace underwear, you open your closet and sigh loudly. What are you going to wear? Why hadn’t you picked out an outfit this morning? You had all the time in the world to get ready? Grabbing your favorite pair of light jeans, skin-tight and which do wonders for your ass, you start browsing through your shirts to find something… anything. You suddenly hear something bubbling and grab an old band shirt you usually sleep in, slipping that on before running to the kitchen to make sure nothing is burnt to a crisp. You’re not the best cook in the world but you can manage to whip up a couple of great meals. Thankfully, nothing was burning, but there were a lot of dishes to take care of.

You were washing the last bowl when you heard the building’s buzzer ringing. Your head whipped around towards the digital clock on your microwave to see it showing 6 pm on the dot. SHIT! You didn’t see the time fly by, and Loki was already here AND you were not even dressed. Shit, shit, shit, shit… Ok, it’s ok. You walk over to the intercom and buzz him in. A little time goes by and you hear a shy knock against your door, making your heart almost jump out of its cavity with how fast and hard it’s beating. Hand on the door handle, you take a deep breath before opening the door.

There he was, standing in front of you, handsome, beautiful as ever. His dark hair combed back, as it was last time you saw him, his green eyes sparkling with joy, his devastatingly stunning smile. He was there. Right in front of you.

“Hi,” Loki says, his smile widening. “These are for you”, he adds, handing you a bouquet of white and pink lilies.

You gasp. “Oh thank you. How did you know lilies are one of my favorite flowers?”

“I guessed, a very fortunate guess as it turns out to be.” You think you might as well die, combust on-site, from how warm he makes you feel.

“They’re beautiful, thank you so much.” You repeat. “Please come in! I’m so sorry I’m not dressed yet, I just finished the dishes.” You apologize, cheeks burning red as he steps to stand in front of you in the entrance.

“I think you look perfect,” he whispers, stroking your cheek slowly. You sigh in content, eyes closing, as soon as you feel his skin against yours, unknowingly leaning into his hand. You both stand there, taking in each other’s presence, for what seems like hours.

“Let me take your coat,” you whisper softly, looking up at him.

“It’s ok darling, get those flowers in some water,” Loki whispers back, your knees buckling under the weight of the nickname.

You slowly nod against his hand still on your face and regretfully make your way to the kitchen, Loki following closely behind. He takes off his coat and hangs it on the back of one of the barstools, as you’re putting the flowers in a vase. Pretending to be focused on the flowers, you let your eyes wander his body, starting from his thighs - the rest being cut off by the counter -, up his waist, stomach, broad shoulders, arms, and back up to his gorgeous lips you crave to kiss, his nose you want to feel nuzzled in the crook of your neck, and his eyes… your own forest you’d run through forever. How could one being be so beautiful? Loki was breathtakingly beautiful, tearing your eyes away from his face was a strenuous feat. Turning your attention to your dinner, you opened the oven to check on the food. You jump and gasp when you feel Loki moving closer behind you, his hand snaking up your hips.

“Do you need help with anything?” He asks, his sultry voice making you dizzy and immediately wet.

“N-no, I have it a-all under control,” you stutter, shooting up from your bent-over position. Loki’s hands are still on your hips when you turn around to face him, resting your hands on his firm chest. You’re standing so close to each other you could tilt your head up and kiss him if you wanted to… and you desperately want to.

“I… umm… should go get dressed.” You choke out. “Can you… keep an eye on the... uh… oven?”

“Of course.” He replies, one hand moving to your hair, tucking a strand of it behind your ear.

You give him a smile and head towards your bedroom, where you collapse on your bed as soon as you reach it. Holy shit, this man is going to be the death of you, with his voice, his touch, and his eyes. Every time he spoke, the heat in your belly sparked up to a hellish blaze, making you weak in the knees. He’s waiting for you out there, don’t be a coward, get up, you finally tell yourself. Taking your shirt off, you walk to your closet to figure out something to wear, yet again.

“Oh! I am so sorry, I should have announced myself,” Loki says from your bedroom door, and you jump, grabbing the closest piece of fabric to cover yourself up.

“Oh God!” You scream, your hand flying up to your chest, heart pounding. With a single step, Loki crosses the distance between the two of you, his palms up as to hold you, but he stops himself.

“Hey - hey there, it’s just me. I am so sorry I scared you darling.” He whispers softly, trying to calm you down.

“I- uh, it’s ok. I just didn’t hear you coming.” You say, trying to slow down the cascading beat of your heart. And then it hits you. The piece of fabric you had grabbed to cover yourself with was the cream coloured blouse you had bought months ago but never wore for the simple reason it was way too sheer. So sheer in fact, it meant that Loki could clearly see through it, he could see your naked stomach and black lace bra. You could feel his gaze on you as you turned bright red, scrambling to find something else to cover up with.

“I-I’m sorry, I-I didn’t realize you could see everything.” You apologize profusely.

“You’re beautiful,” he whispers, his tone of voice stopping you in your tracks. You turn to look at him and you see his eyes exploring your body, admiration pouring out of them. He steps closer to you, grabbing the hand you were using to search with, and running his up from your wrist to your shoulder, slowly tracing your collar bone, before making it way up your neck, gently across your cheek and getting lost in your hair. You moan softly under his touch, the blouse falling quietly on the floor as you reach for him with both hands.

Before you know it, your lips meet, sending jolts of electricity through your body. You reach your arms up and wrap them around Loki’s neck, pulling him closer to you. Your sudden burst of passion makes him groan under your touch and he deepens your kiss, teasing the tip of his tongue in between your lips as he pins you against the wall, igniting a burning desire in you. You feel his hands slide from your hair slowly down to the small of your back, resting there for a moment before cupping your ass and he lifts you up in his arms. You gasp against his mouth as you wrap your legs around his waist, surprised at his strength. He keeps kissing you as he walks you over to the bed, laying you down gently. For a moment, you’re both just staring at each other, eyes full of desire and catching your breath.

“Are you sure?” Loki asks, brushing hair out of your face and then carefully brushing his thumb against your swollen lips. You part them, taking his thumb in your mouth and slowly sucking on it as you nod. The soft moan that comes out of his lips as you suck on his digit sets off an even hotter fire through your belly. Loki crashes his lips against yours, his hands roaming your body. He moves his mouth to your neck, kissing and biting love marks all over it, as you fumble around with the buttons on his shirt, the task being a lot more difficult with this man’s lips all over you. As soon as the shirt falls open, you’re frozen, your eyes roaming his strong, sublime body, hands running over the contours of his stomach, absolutely mesmerized.

“You’re so beautiful,” you echo Loki’s words.

Capturing your lips again, he starts kissing down your neck again, making his way to your chest. Slowly running his right hand up your body, he cups your breast as he licks the other one through the lace of your bra and you’re moaning, your back arching under his touch.

“That’s where you’re wrong, you are beautiful,” he whispers against your skin, making you shiver. “So beautiful, how could I ever live without you anymore.”

Loki begins kissing his way down your stomach, undoing your pants slowly and brushing his lips across your lower stomach. You whimper as he pulls your jeans off and comes back up, hooking his fingers around the waistband of your panties, kissing your thigh as he slides them down too. His hands are back on your inner thighs before the rest of him is, and you’re throbbing, clenching, soaking even more, just knowing that his fingers are inches away from where you need him most.

“Is this ok?” he asks you softly, feeling his hot breath between your thighs.

“Yes.” And his tongue is on you, parting you so incredibly slow, you think you might pass out. You’re wet, you know that, and he knows that too as he moans against you, licking small little circles around your clit. You’re trying so hard to stay quiet, every bone in your body fighting against the urge to scream out his name. You feel his nose pressed up against you as he’s devouring you like you’re the last meal he’ll ever have, his hands gripping and squeezing your thighs, your hips, your waist. He slowly retreats, letting his fingers tease you for a little as he flashes you a quick smile, eyes burning with desire, and you feel a thick single finger slide excruciatingly slow inside of you.

“Fuck!” is all you can manage, every other word and sound stuck in your throat.

Loki starts pumping his finger, in and out, out and in, getting faster and faster, adding a second one and sucking on your clit so hard, you’re about to cum. You grab fistfuls of his hair as you arch your back into him, begging him to keep going, to lick you more. You scream as you cum all over his fingers, the orgasm sending violent spasms throughout your entire body. As you’re trying to catch your breath, his mouth leaves you, making it harder for you to breathe, and he kisses you. He tastes like you, and all you can think about is wanting to make him feel as good as he just made you feel. Sitting up on your elbows, still kissing him, you bring him closer to you, sliding your lips from his mouth to his ear, catching his ear lobe in between your teeth and whispering softly, voice still rough from your orgasm.

“Please… let me touch you.” He groans against your neck and flips you, so he’s lying on the bed. Loki grabs your face and kisses you passionately as you unbuckle his belt and take his pants and briefs off. You’re astonished at how big he is, thick and long, already hard for you. You kiss his stomach as you slide a hand down, wrapping your fingers around him as he throbs, and slowly start pumping your fist. The sound that makes his way from his chest and out his lips is almost enough to make you cum again, and you slide your mouth down, licking that small bead of precum from the tip and wrapping your mouth around him, sucking softly. Loki moans your name, grabbing a handful of your hair, as you start bopping your head, accentuating your movement with your hand. Before long he’s pleading for you to stop, his hips spasming, making him thrust into your mouth. Retreating with an audible pop, you giggle as you take your bra off before climbing on top of him, his dick throbbing against you. As Loki wraps his arms around you, pulling you closer, he flips you again, running his hands along your curves while a happy moan escapes you. Slowly, he slides the tip of him between your lips and you gasp at how thick he is, but you’re still wrapping your legs around his waist, pulling him closer to you. You hold there for a moment, gazing in each other's eyes and in one swift movement, he buries himself deep inside of you, a growl slipping through his lips.

“F-fuck darling, you feel so good.” He moans as he starts to thrust in you, shattering your entire world. You can’t formulate words, all you know and all you’ve ever known is that nobody has taken care of you like Loki is doing right now. You want this moment to last forever, him inside of you, your bodies interlaced, lips pressed against each other’s, your choked out breaths matching the beating of your hearts to the rhythm of your desire for one another. Everything you’ve ever known ceases to exist, but the two of you, in that moment, as Loki makes love to you passionately. He’s rolling his hips, hitting a spot in you you didn’t know could get you so close to the edge of insanity so fast.

“Loki, fuck! I-I’m gonna…” you start.

“Wait for me,” he moans out after you, pumping his hips harder into you, one hand gripping your hip, the other lost in your hair. “Fuck”. And you do, until his last powerful thrust and you cry out as you feel him explode inside of you, your orgasm ripping your body to shreds from the sheer intensity of it.

You stay lying there for a while, him still inside of you, your arms wrapped around him, as his head rests against yours. Gently, he rolls off to the side, pulling you into his and kissing you deeply. You sigh in pure bliss as he kisses you, resting your hand up his sweaty torso, following the movement of his breaths.

“I think we might’ve overcooked, possibly even burnt, the food,” he whispers in your hair, and you feel him smile.

“Worth it to me, was it not to you?” You tease, kissing him again.

“I’m hurt you would even question it, my beautiful girl,” his reply sending butterflies through your stomach as he kisses you back with infinite softness.

You are lost in the moment, wishing you could forever just kiss this God’s lips.

Taglist : @kingtwhiddleston

[fireheartwhitethorn4ever]

Then why did you? - Part three

Part three

***

Aelin sighed as she entered her apartment. It had been a long meeting but they had agreed on the collaboration. She still could not believe she had seen Rowan. It had been five years since she had last seen him and the years looked good on him. He had become more muscular, and his face had gotten frustratingly sharper. Aelin was still so embarrassed. She had opened up to him and he had just rejected her and the idea about a relationship. She didn’t understand why he had turned up for the meeting, as he had made it clear that he never wanted to see her again. 

She took off her coat and hung it by the door. When Fleetfoot heard her coming in, she came running to greet her owner. Aelin squatted down to give Fleetfoot a few kisses. She had had Fleetfoot for about two years now. Becoming the mother of a puppy had definitely helped her. 

She went into the kitchen to drink some water, and went on to her bedroom to change into her workout clothes, so she could run with Fleetfoot. 

A few weeks after Rowan had moved to Doranelle, Aelin moved to her current apartment. Her old apartment was filled with memories of him. She couldn’t do anything without thinking of him. 

She put Fleetfoot on a leash and went out to the elevator. Aelin could always think better while running, but this run unfortunately didn’t help. She ran through the park, which was close to her apartment. Fleetfoot followed well. 

When she started feeling like she was getting tired and hungry, she started running towards her favorite restaurant/cafe. It was Emrys who owned it and he always made the best chicken sandwiches. Aelin opened the door and stepped inside and right away she was struck by the most delicious scent, she always associated with Emrys. 

Emrys' adoptive son, Luca, stood at the checkout, ready to receive customers. He spotted Aelin and Fleetfoot and went to play with the dog, Emrys heard the noise and came out from the kitchen to hug her. ''It's been too long since we've seen you, we know you're busy, but you must come sometimes and see your very old friend,'' he smiled. ''I know, I know. How about you, Malakai and Luca, come to my house next week? I can only promise alcohol. You have to bring the food yourself. We both know I'm not good at anything in the kitchen.'' She said with a laugh. ''Yes ​​for sure,'' Emrys said, giving Luca a push away from the counter, '' What’s it going to be?'' 

''Uhhhhhh… A chicken sandwich, a chocolate milkshake and a piece of chocolate cake.’’

‘’How are you with our agreement to eat more vegetables?'' he asked as he wrote her order down. ''It was a deal you made aaaaall alone, '' she laughed. He shook his head and went into the kitchen to bring her food. 

''So Luca,'' Aelin looked at Luca. ''How's school?''

''Stressful,'' he laughed a little. ''But it's nice. I love being busy. ''

''Well that’s good, if you ever need help, you know you just have to ask.'' She smiled. He thanked her and went behind the counter to help a couple who had just walked in. Aelin took out her phone and looked through her emails. Emrys came out with her food in a brown paper bag. She opened the bag and smelled the food. God, it smelled good. Aelin waved and thanked him for the food, on her way out the door, and Fleetfoot barked a goodbye. 

Aelin took out her headphones and put on some relaxing music and enjoyed the nice weather. She met a little boy who was out with his mother and they stopped and greeted Fleetfoot. Fleetfoot barked happily and shook her tail. She loved meeting new people, she loved the attention. A bit like her owner. Rowan would probably have made that comment. She really needed to stop thinking about him. But after seeing him today, she just couldn’t get him out of her head. When Aelin reached the park, she saw a man sitting on a bench alone and was reading a book. And of course with her luck, it was Rowan. She immediately recognized the book. It was one of his favorites. He read it every time he wanted to shut his mind. Aelin tried to not think about why he was sitting now reading that book. She shouldn’t care. 

She looked away and tried to walk past him without him seeing her. But of course Fleetfoot found an interesting leaf and barked at it. It made Rowan look up and they made eye contact. Aelin quickly looked away and tried to get Fleetfoot away so they could escape. But again, she was not successful. Just her luck. Rowan called her name and she looked at him for a long time without saying anything. She gave up and sighed and walked closer to sit down. Fleetfoot followed, and when Aelin sat down, she released Fleetfoot and threw a branch so her dog could run after it. ''Aelin.'' She closed her eyes. Why did it hurt so much to hear her name from his lips? After such a long time? ''Rowan. Hello.'' She, herself could hear the icy tone of her voice. She just hoped she wouldn’t crack in front of him. He had always been good at making her open up. She wasn't quite sure if it was a good thing or not. Fleetfoot came back with the branch and threw it at Aelin's feet. She sat waiting anxiously for Aelin to throw the branch again. Rowan broke the silence with his question, ''is that your dog?''

''Yes, her name is Fleetfoot. She obviously likes leaves.'' Aelin didn’t think Rowan understood what she meant, but he still nodded. 

''I wanted to apologize,'' he began. 

''For what part? The part where you said I didn’t mean anything to you? Or the part where you said you didn’t care at all about me? That part was especially good. Or maybe it's for the part where you said I shouldn’t stick my nose in your life? ''

''For everything, '' he said. '' I want to apologize for it all.''

''I understand you didn’t feel the same, but… ''

He interrupted her, ''I felt the same, Aelin. I had so many feelings for you. I still have feelings for you.''

She snorted, ''How long have you been in Orynth?'' 

''Six months.''

''I think if you really regretted anything, you would have said something earlier. You wouldn’t have moved.''

''You deserve so much more than me, Aelin.''

''It's not your choice, Rowan!''

''I know, I know that now. But what I know even more is that I can’t live without you. These last five years have been hell. I've missed you every single day for the last five years. And I know you don’t owe me shit, but I want to try to regain your trust. Maybe we can try to just be friends again? And not because I don't want to have a relationship with you. I want it more than anything else. But I want to regain your trust as your friend first. Your best friend. Like at the beginning.'' 

Aelin looked at him for a long time, thinking about what he had said. She looked down at the grass as she replied, ''It's going to take a while, Rowan. I don’t want to be crushed again. Can you do that, Rowan? Can you hold on to my heart again without destroying it? '' He took her hand and kissed it, ''I promise you.''

[thadelightfulone]

All I Want... 25 Days of Christmas Challenge, Day 2

November 15-19th, Part 2

Erik Stevens’ office phone rang incessantly, even after he told his assistant to hold all calls. When it finally quieted down, he stood up to stretch the stiff muscles of his neck, shoulders and arms. He moved in front of the floor to ceiling window that makes up the back wall of his office. Taking a few deep breaths, he rubbed his temples when the cell phone in his jacket pocket started to ring.  

“T. Can I breathe? We have been working on this project all morning.” Silence greeted him on the other end. “Hello?”

“My bad. I figured you would be at lunch right about now. It’s after 3 over here.” The voice spoke. 

Erik looked at the contact on his phone and started laughing, “Damn man, I’m sorry. My cousins and I have been working on this project and -- let’s just say I am ready for a vacation.”

“It’s ok. I get it man. I have about 4 students preparing to defend their dissertations next month. I am nowhere near ready.” 

“That’s right, Dr. Oubre, preparing our future doctors of science and research. So, what’s up?” 

“Well, I just spoke with Dr. Giacomo and she said someone came around asking about you.”

“Really for what?”

“Yeah, I guess they came across one of your papers and decided to find you.” 

Erik rolled his eyes, “So, why would they go to her and not just reach out to me directly?”

“Look, I don’t know. I am just letting you know what was relayed to me, but I wanted to reach out to you before I gave out your information.”

“Bruh, give them my email and get off my phone.” Erik laughed at how silly Marquis was being. 

“Aye, you can never be too sure. I’m just looking out for you.” Marquis whispered into the phone.

Erik walked over to his desk and leaned against the edge, “Quis, man what is really going on?”

“I don’t want to send you another stalker.” Marquis sighed before laughing.

“HA, man. No one could have seen that shit coming.” Erik began to laugh as well. “I definitely lucked out when she graduated before us. Who knows how bad that could have gotten?”

“True, true.” Marquis cleared his throat, “By the way, Serena asked about you. She wants to know when you are bringing yo black ass back to Louisiana? You know to see us, your friends and extended family?”

“What else? I know she didn’t stop there.” Erik retorted. 

“Oh, the usual. Has he found anyone yet? When is he gonna settle down? Yada, yada, yada.” Marquis shot back. 

“Of course, she did.” Erik sighed out. “I definitely want to take some time off, so I can come and see you both, including my nieces and nephew. I just don’t know when that will be.” 

“Alright man, I understand. Look, I just wanted to give you a heads up about the contact. But I gotta run to class now.” Marquis rushed out.

“Yeah, I’ll hit you up later this week.” Erik said before hanging up. 

Setting his phone down on his desk, he closed his eyes. Arms crossed over his chest, he relaxed into the moment. Alternating between short and long breathes, he felt himself calming down from the morning and the call from his best friend and brother. 

They met in undergrad and were as thick as thieves instantly. You never saw one without the other anywhere on campus. And then, while they were in grad school Marquis met Serena, who would later become his wife. 

Laughing to himself, Erik recalled being jealous of what they had and continued to build together. It reminded him of his parents’ relationship and the love they had for one another. He rolled his eyes as his mind started to wander. Serena wasn’t the only one asking those kinds of questions lately.

Shaking those thoughts from his head, he decided to focus on the reason for Marquis’ call. Someone from Southern University was looking for him, that’s very interesting. He hadn’t thought of his alma mater much since returning home to Oakland, about 10 years ago. Outside of Marquis and his family, who he kept in touch with; he never needed to think about it. He had written plenty of papers due to his current research and his studies while he was working on his doctorate, so it does make sense. Well, whoever it is will be reaching out to him soon enough. 

---

It’s been three days since DeeDee learned that her mystery man was connected to a current faculty member on campus. She walked to his office and knocked on the open door. 

“Hey Dr. O.” DeeDee said to get his attention.

“Come in, DeeDee.” 

DeeDee walked into Dr. Marquis Oubre’s office and took a seat in front of his desk. She pulled out her notebook and set it down on her lap.

“So, how are things going?” Dr. Oubre asked as he walked over to the chair next to her. 

“They are going, but it could be better.” DeeDee answered as she fiddled with her fingers.

Marquis sat down and crossed his leg at the knee. “What’s bothering you, DeeDee?”

“I’m nervous about how all the interviews went. I mean they were all in September and October, and I have not heard anything.”

“What did I tell you when you left for the first one in San Diego?”

DeeDee sighed and rolled her eyes, “I will know if they are a great fit for me and not the other way around.”

“That’s right. Besides, you visited about 6 schools over a 2 month period. Those are on-campus interviews and that number is unheard of DeeDee.” Dr. Oubre looked at her, “I didn’t even get that many.”

“Really?” DeeDee looked at him in disbelief. 

Dr. Oubre discussed his entire experience of applying for a tenure-track position. DeeDee listened as much as she could manage, but in the back of her mind, all she could think about is the fact that her doctoral mentor knew her mystery man. She wanted to blurt it out when she first walked in, but it didn’t seem like the right thing to do. But now, she is reminded that the man can talk and couldn’t wait any longer. 

“Dr. O?” DeeDee interrupted his current train of thought.

“Yes?”

“Can I ask you about a former student?” She picked up the notebook, pulling out a printed out black and white newspaper clipping. DeeDee handed it to him.

He took it from her, looked at the image and laughed. “It’s you?” 

DeeDee looked at him in confusion. 

“You know people talk around here and I am friends with a lot of folks in Computer Science. Dr. Giacomo told me that someone was looking for Erik. I guess I just wasn’t thinking it would be you.” He continued to laugh. 

“Oh. Of course, she would.” DeeDee huffed out as she scooted further back into the chair.

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to laugh.” He reached for her notebook, “May I?” 

DeeDee handed him the notebook. Dr. Oubre pulled the ink pen from his dress shirt and wrote on the first blank page he found. He handed it back to her. 

“That’s his email. He said that he is fine with you asking him anything.” 

“Wait. What? He is expecting to hear from me?” DeeDee fumbled with the notebook when Dr. Oubre handed it over.

“Yes, he was surprised that you didn’t just search for him using the information on the article.”

DeeDee silently chastised herself, remembering what she told the other professor the other day. “About that, I didn’t even think of it. I saw Southern University and that was all she wrote.” She nervously laughs. 

“No problem. I’m sure he’ll be able to answer whatever questions you have.” Dr. Oubre stood up. “So, how’s your unnecessary prepwork going?” 

“It’s not unnecessary. I just want to be prepared, Dr. O.”

“DeeDee, you have been studying this stuff for the last 4 years. You know it and your 150 page dissertation shows that.” He moved around behind his desk, “They are only going to ask you about what is in there and what work you want to do with the information from this study.” 

“I understand that, but --” 

“Look, you have nothing to worry about. It is more a presentation then an actual defense. And I wouldn’t stress about the lack of response from those other universities about your interviews because I know you have applied to others. You got this.” 

DeeDee took a deep breath before responding, “You are right, Dr. O. I have applied to about 5 other places, but those were all in my top 2 tiers.”

“And about your upcoming defense?” 

“Right again. I know it like the back of my hand. So, I will try not to stress about it anymore.” DeeDee stood up and grabbed her things.

“Glad to hear it. Oh, by the way, you do know Dr. Bell is retiring at the end of the year?” 

“Yeah, they told all of us last week. Sounds like the annual department Christmas party will be her retirement party.” 

Dr. Oubre handed her a small flyer, “That’s right. Here’s your invitation. Hope to see you there.”

DeeDee looked down at it, “I’m there with bells on.” She laughed at her little joke.

“Nope, you gotta go.” He pointed at the door, while trying not to laugh. “I don’t think we need to meet next week, unless something comes up and you want to talk.”

“I agree.” DeeDee stopped at the door and held up the notebook, “And thanks again for this, Dr. O.” 

“You’re welcome, DeeDee.” He sat down and watched as DeeDee left his office. 

---

Sitting at her home office desk, DeeDee stared at the blank message box on her computer screen. The only thing typed out was Erik’s email address. She picked up her glass of water and took a sip. 

She spent the last hour looking up information on him. Found out that he’s back in Oakland and not even active in the science field anymore. He was the Director for one of the Wakanda Outreach Centers. It was fascinating what she read and found out about the work he was currently doing. 

And just like that, she was afraid to move forward. It should be simple. Send him an email about finding the little note in an old textbook. The end. He could do whatever he wanted with the information. But DeeDee’s mind was playing out possible scenarios like stuff she had seen in her favorite sappy romantic movies. And while the thought excited her, it also freaked her out at the same time. 

Things like that did not happen to women like her. Sure, she was kind of pretty and low maintenance, but most guys did not find her interesting enough to have a relationship with. And because of that she just didn’t try to pursue them, which is much different than what her friends believed about her. There was no message in a bottle type romance or love for her. So, why even bother?

She closed the email and decided to let the matter go. At least, she found out who wrote the note. Curiosity piqued and answered. Now, time to focus on her future and career.

Taglist: @teakturn @ghostfacekill-monger @shaekingshitup @nahimjustfeelingit-writes @woahitslucyylu @ladymac82 @bugngiz @eyeknowmywrites @ajspencer1892 @blackpinup22 @sarcastic-sunshines​

Let me know if you want to be added to the list.

[floralguccistyles]

nine: aliens, bigfoot, and nerds, oh my!

“Have you been eating, sweetheart? You’ve lost at least ten pounds since the last time I’ve seen you.”

My father rolled his eyes from over my mother’s shoulder as she pulled me into a big hug. Every time I saw my mother, she mentioned how skinny I was getting even though I was sure I had gained about five pounds since the last time I’d seen her. It was usually an excuse to come into my flat and make us a giant dinner, which I would never complain about. Her arms squeezed my shoulders as she released me, pulling back so she could look at my face.

“Pretty as ever, sweetheart.” 

“Eva, can I please hug our daughter hello now?”

I laughed as my mother made a big deal of moving out of the way so my father could hug me. His embrace was familiar, his arms the ones I ran to when the bullying in secondary school got too bad to handle on my own. He had wiped my tears away and said “you’re one of a kind, mija, and they’re jealous of that.” 

“Was the drive okay?” I asked them, pulling away from my father after he planted a quick kiss on my hairline. Their suitcases (the ones they had owned when they came to England) were decorated with vibrant stickers from Cuba. They were worn now, scratched at the corners, but their color had miraculously remained. 

“It was wonderful. It’s been so long since we’ve been to London, and now look at us! We’re here to celebrate our daughter’s book!”

Inviting them to the book release party had been a last minute decision, but I found myself happy that I had. Though I knew they were proud of me, I also knew that they didn’t really understand a lot of the fandom stuff I had discussed in several chapters. They would read it to support me, of that I was sure, but I was uncertain about if they’d actually enjoy it. 

“You probably won’t understand a lot of it, Mum.”

“You don’t know that. Your father and I have been watching that Doctor show...what’s it called, Roberto?”

“I don’t know, Eva. I fall asleep when it’s on.”

“It’s called Doctor Who, Mum,” I snorted out, biting back a bigger laugh. 

“Whatever it’s called, we’ve been watching it. And we were alive when Star Wars came out, you know. I was there for the Darth Vader reveal and everything. Mamá took me to the theater and got me an extra large popcorn.”

I liked hearing little stories like that. It was almost too easy to picture my mum, sitting there in a little theater in Cuba when the true identity of Darth Vader was revealed. My grandmother had probably grasped her chest with her hand and shouted “¡Dios mío!” at the top of her lungs. If I eventually travelled to Cuba, if the movie theater was still there, I decided I would visit it.

The three of us piled into the Uber I had called for us, which wasn’t hard because their suitcases were so small. On the way to my flat, my parents regaled stories about their drive to London and how she was upset my dad wouldn’t let her listen to Dua Lipa on the radio because “that Dua Lipa girl was very talented, Petra.” We made it back to my flat with only three arguments broken out between them.

“You guys are staying in my room and I’m camping out on the couch,” I informed them, helping my mum to carry her suitcase in. “Sorry it’s so cramped. It’s perfect for me, but unfortunately having guests is a little difficult.”

“We could have stayed in a hotel, baby,” My father commented.

“I’m not going to make my parents pay for a hotel room. I can sleep on the couch for one night and survive, Dad.” They had been to my flat before, but I still showed them where the extra towels and soap was in the bathroom. “The party’s at seven tonight, and dinner will be served. I’ve got to go a little earlier, but I’m just a text away if you need anything.”

“My baby,” my mum said, her eyes glistening, “we are so proud of you!”

I found myself enveloped in another tight hug, this time joined by my father. The lump in my throat grew when I thought of their praise. Too often, I had taken their support for granted. “I love you both.”

“We love you, mija.”

A sudden knock on my door had us pulling apart. “Were you expecting anyone, baby?” my mum asked, going to the front foyer and looking out the foggy windows. “It’s a boy, Roberto!”

“What?” 

I moved around my frozen parents to answer the door, swinging it open and greeting Harry Styles’s smiling face with a blank look. I had no idea what Harry was doing here, but he really had very impeccable timing. 

And by impeccable, I meant shit. 

“Morning! I was thinking about grabbing something to eat at a little bistro around here and thought I’d come by and see what you were up to today. Wanna join?”

Speech wouldn’t come. I felt the stares of my parents behind me, still hidden from Harry’s view, and how they would squeal and gush when they found out I was on somewhat good terms with Harry Styles, something they’d been trying to get me to do for years. “Harry—”

“Harry?” My mum’s voice asked loudly from where she was standing. She marched up behind me and swung the door open a little wider so he could clearly see her. “Oh my goodness! Harry Styles! Petra, it’s Harry Styles!”

“I know who he is, Mum,” I whispered in an embarrassed voice.

“Last time I saw you, you were about four feet tall,” My mother cooed, stepping forward. Before Harry could react, she had him in a tight hug, wrapping her arms around his body. “Petra didn’t tell me you were friends again!”

I bit down the urge to argue that we were never friends, but my mother wouldn’t listen. She never had when it had come to my bullies at school. “Just give them a chance to change, Petra,” she had told me when I would bury my face in her shoulder and cry that I didn’t want to go to school.

“Hi, Mrs. Gallego. I didn’t know you guys were coming to town. Sorry for intruding on family day. I was just coming down to this part of town to grab some lunch and wanted to see if Petra could come. No worries, though. I don’t want to take away—”

“Nonsense!” My father cut in, reaching out his hand for Harry to shake. “Nice to see you again, Harry. Feel free to take Petra to lunch. We’re probably going to nap a little before her release party tonight. The drive was long.”

“Release party?” Harry asked, glancing back and forth between my parents and me.

I awkwardly scratched the side of my head. “My, er, book is being released tonight.” 

“What? Petra, that’s amazing!” His smile seemed genuine enough, but all I wanted was to shut the door and rewind the last five minutes. I never would have answered the door in front of my parents if I had known it was going to be Harry on the other side. “If you, um, want to go...it can be a celebratory lunch. And obviously you all are invited, Mr. and Mrs. Gallego.”

“Oh, Harry, we’d love to come, wouldn’t we, Petra?”

My eyes moved between Harry’s cautiously hopeful face and my parents, who were already grabbing my mum’s purse and getting ready to leave. In their eyes, I had already agreed. “Sure,” I said uncomfortably. “That’s fine. Let me just call an Uber for us and we’ll follow behind you.”

“Oh, don’t be silly, Petra. We can call an Uber and you can go with Harry.”

There was no arguing with Eva Gallego when she set her mind to something, so I just nodded. “Okay. Er...I guess that settles that.”

We awkwardly stood around in my foyer until my mum cleared her throat. “Petra, darling, aren’t you going to invite Harry in while we wait for our ride?”

“Right. Come on in, Harry.”

His gaze locked on mine, expression questioning. I knew he felt the tension that was creeping up inside me with having him in the same room as my parents, but I didn’t want to get into it. Not when I knew it would ruin my night. The morning had already started off with self-destructive behavior as I looked back at some of the tweets about my day out with Harry from February. I had never been as aware of my appearance as I was in that moment, scrolling through absolute strangers saying the worst things. I had an extra appointment with Doctor Thorne this week to make up for it.

“How long have you and Petra been hanging out again?” My mum asked as we all sat in my living room. 

“A couple of months. She contacted me in January about being on the show. It was an amazing experience.”

“I just love listening to Petra’s podcast,” my father said happily, reaching over and patting my knee. “I have no clue what she’s talking about half the time, but she sounds damn smart saying it.”

“She’s incredibly smart,” Harry agreed, and I ignored the urge to bang my head on the coffee table. I didn’t want him agreeing with my parents about my intelligence. We weren’t really that good of friends, if I even considered us friends yet. I had admitted to myself that Harry had definitely changed for the better, but that didn’t mean the past hurt went away.

“I almost forgot, mija! Your grandma sent you Materva. She said you wrote her an email about it.”

Normally, I would be jumping for joy. The first and only time my grandmother had visited from Cuba, she had brought Materva with her and it had become my favorite drink. With Harry here, however, I felt uncomfortable and self-conscious. I squirmed a little in my seat.

“That was nice of her. I’ll email her and tell her thank you. Want me to put it in the fridge?”

My father went off to my room to grab the Materva and Harry raised a quizzical eyebrow. “What is Moterva?”

“Materva,” my mum corrected with a smile. “It’s a soda.”

“And it’s delicious. Remind Petra to let you try some later,” my father said, returning with a set of six cans. “She sent us more, but we’re selfish and kept the rest of it at home for us.”

He stocked them in my fridge and pulled out his phone when he heard the small chime. “Our Uber is here. We’ll see you two at the restaurant.”

I made sure they made it into their car okay before I hesitantly pulled open the door of Harry’s. We both got ourselves situated, clicking our seatbelts into place. 

He didn’t start the car.

“I didn’t know your parents would be here,” he said, offering me an apologetic smile. “I could tell it...it made you uncomfortable.”

“I’m just not used to this.” I gestured back and forth between us with my hand. “And my parents...they mean well, but when I was in secondary school and coming home to them crying, they told me to try and make friends with you guys. They didn’t really understand how hard that would have been. They think I should let bygones be bygones and I want to...but I don’t know if I can just yet.”

“I completely understand.” He tapped his fingers against the steering wheel. “Can I ask you something a little personal?”

“I don’t know if I’ll answer.” Honesty seemed to be the best approach with Harry.

“Why do you seem so embarrassed when your Cuban heritage is mentioned around me? When your dad brought out the soda, it looks like you were going to stab yourself with a fork.”

Go back to where you came from, Gallego. Nathan Penrose’s voice filtered through my thoughts. To them, I wasn’t English enough for England. But it was almost worse to feel that I wasn’t Cuban enough for Cuba.

“It’s about what that prick Nathan said when we were younger, right?” he asked softly, his fingers tightening around the steering wheel remembering it. “I so wish I would have punched him in the face.”

“It’s not just Nathan. That’s a big part of it, but it’s not just you I feel uncomfortable talking about it with.”

“Okay. You don’t have to talk about it, but...just know you can, if you ever want to. I’m serious about trying to be friends, Petra.”

The rest of the car ride was spent in silence, with some pop song playing lowly over the speakers. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, per se, but it made me wriggle around in my seat and wish I was sitting at the restaurant already. I wasn’t used to silences with Harry not trying to fill the space with his random thoughts. I appreciated that he was letting me just sit and absorb the moments, but it was also unnerving.

We pulled up to the little bistro right after my parents, who had already decided to get a table for us. Harry walked around to the other side of his car and opened the door for me, holding out his hand to help me out. My parents waved us over from their table outside, pulling out our chairs. I was seated between Harry and my mum, across from my father. It meant that I caught the sly looks they gave me whenever Harry was engrossed with his menu.

“What’s good here, Harry?” My mum asked after a couple moments of looking.

“I like their vegan buffalo wings and macaroni.”

“You’re vegan?” I asked in surprise, raising a brow at him.

“No, but I eat plant based meat when I can. And most places make their vegan wings with cauliflower, which hurts my stomach. This place makes them with mushrooms.”

“Petra loves mushrooms. You should try them, sweetheart.”

I set my menu down without really looking at it. “I’m getting a bagel and their cucumber and edamame salad.” Since both of my parents loved cucumbers, I knew I would be sharing at least a few bites with them. It was normal for us to sample each other’s meals. “What are you getting, Mum?”

“Maybe the chicken breast and mashed potato lunch special. Your father, predictable as ever, is getting a burger.”

My dad shrugged. “Don’t fix what isn’t broken.”

The waitress eyed Harry a little longer than necessary when she came to take our orders, but eventually left. I could tell he would be getting asked to take a picture before he left, despite how unprofessional that was. Then I thought about if it had been Hayden Christensen if I had been the waitress and understood what the fuss was about. 

“So, Harry,” my mum said after a long sip of her lemonade, which I knew meant she was going to ask a lot of questions, “what have you been doing now that you’re solo? I ran into your Mum when she was visiting home for a couple of weeks and she showed me one of your music videos. You’re very talented!”

I’d never seen Harry Styles blush, but I noticed a faint twinge of pink on his cheeks. “Thank you, Mrs. Gallego. I’m writing some more music right now, but I’m not sure when the next album will be out.”

“We just love listening to your first album. We listen to your group stuff too,” Mum commented, tapping her nails on her wrist. “Petra has a wonderful singing voice, did you know?”

Before Harry could question the statement, my father and I both snorted. “No, she doesn’t, Eva. No offense, mija.”

“None taken. I sound like a dying animal. Mum, I hate to tell you this, but the last time I sang, you were very intoxicated and would have thought our next door neighbor’s cat was Shakira.”

“Petra’s good at other things, though. She’s awesome on Alien Crossing. And I’m sure her book is going to be fantastic,” Harry supplied helpfully. 

“Has she invited you to the party tonight? I know her other friends are coming. Jeremiah, Veronica, and Melody?”

I shifted in my seat. Harry looked pained, like he didn’t want to say anything that would hurt my mum’s feelings. I hadn’t invited him to the book release party because this book was mine, something untainted by the memories of secondary school. Talking about my nerd stuff on AC was one thing, but publishing them on paper was another. “Mum…” I trailed off.

“He could come with us! Are you going to buy a copy of the book, Harry?” 

“Mum, he’s not going to buy—”

“Yeah, actually. I preordered it on my phone. And I was going to buy a hard copy, as well.”

Harry’s words had my mouth closing in surprise. I blinked over at him, at his secretive little smile when he raised his soda up to his lips and took a sip. “You preordered it?” I whispered, my throat thick with some emotion I couldn’t identify. “You’re not gonna understand it all.”

“Well, I’ll understand the Lord of the Rings bits now. And anything unfamiliar I come across, I’ll just make a note to watch or read it.”

This action felt more significant than anything that had happened in our hesitant friendship thus far. Even though he had introduced me to John Williams and had brought me a plant, this was the thing that felt essential. I felt like the Grinch in that moment, my heart growing a size bigger and allowing room for hesitant optimism to sink in. Maybe Harry Styles and I actually could be friends. 

Which was why when my mum suggested him coming another time, I shyly looked over at him and said, “Of course you can come if you’d like. I’ll text you the details.”

~

My publisher had rented out the Aldgate Library at my college for the release.

It felt weird stepping back into the library, stumbling a little in my black heels when I accidentally grazed a rock on the sidewalk right outside. The last time I had been here, I had my hair in a messy ponytail and was in tears at midnight trying to study for my last finals of my university career. Now, I was publishing a book. It felt surreal.

I smoothed down the skirt of my red dress, trying my best not to chew on my lip. Veronica had meticulously spread some kind of red lip stain on it that was supposed to be long lasting, but I didn’t trust it’s longevity against my teeth nervously biting at it. Plus, I knew pictures would be taken tonight and the last thing I needed was to have lipstick on my teeth. 

“Petra!” My publisher said, walking out of Aldgate in a tailored suit. She was also wearing a little badge that had “Aimee Metcalfe, Dorrance Publishing” printed right underneath a fantastic photo of her. I found myself jealous. My ID photos never came out that great. “What’re you doing standing outside? Come in, you numpty!”

I gave Aimee a quick salute and followed her inside, trying to keep up with her. As familiar as she was walking in heels, it was a new skill set to me entirely. She led me through the front of Aldgate and back into one of the large common area study rooms, which had been transformed for the launch. There was a giant banner hung up on the far left side, with #Aliens #Bigfoot #Nerds printed over it in sparkling letters. In front of the banner was a table decorated with cupcakes and cake pops, each the same color blue as my book cover, which featured a picture of myself that I hated but Aimee had insisted the readers would love. Jeremiah and Zach were shoving their faces with one of the cake pops, while Veronica looked on in disgust. Bailey was chatting with Melody by the photo booth that Aimee had suggested, which when printed, would frame the pictures in the same hashtags the banner provided.

My parents were crying in the corner of the room.

I went to them first, holding out my arms. My mum immediately let out a wail, pulling me into an embrace. “This is supposed to be a happy day, Mum.”

“Oh, I’m so happy for you, sweetheart. You have worked so hard. And you look beautiful.” She pulled back to examine my dress and makeup, pressing her hand to her mouth when she did. “Such a beautiful young woman, inside and out. Oh, how did we get so lucky, Roberto?”

My dad smiled at me. “Proud doesn’t even cover it, mija. Your mum has demanded she be first in the book signing line.”

“Oh, I did not, Roberto!”

“Petra,” Aimee said, interrupting our conversation. She introduced herself to my parents and then led me over to the podium. “You’re going to do the reading, and then Terri and I put together a fun little trivia game about some of the fandoms in the book. Whoever wins that will get a free signed copy. Afterwards, you’re on book signing duty. We’ve got about twelve hundred Sharpies lined up for you. Questions?”

My head was spinning with all the information, but I found myself growing excited. This was something I had put blood, sweat, and tears into. And I was finally getting to share it with the people who meant the most to me. “None so far. I’ll flag you down if any come up.”

“Good. Oh,” she said, reaching into her bag, “keep this close. This is your best friend when you’re up there reading and when you’re signing books.”

She handed me a water bottle with room temperature water, which was apparently better for the vocal cords. Then she was pushing me towards the podium and I hid the water bottle on the hidden shelf on my side. My book was sitting there, my own face staring back at me.

When I looked into the sea of people, I saw my friends giving me encouraging looks and my parents crying happily, my mother now with a tissue from the dessert bar that she pressed underneath her eyes every five seconds. The rest of the people in the room were people who were avid listeners of AC, the ones who sent in messages for me to read. I noticed Daisy Callahan sitting at one of the tables, shooting looks over to Jeremiah and smiling like a smitten school girl. I made a mental note to ask Jeremiah if they were officially together after the reading.

And then, there was Harry Styles.

It looked like he had just come in, dressed in a nice suit in a dark red color. I was so used to seeing him in bright neons when he was dressed up that the muted burgundy almost faded into the background. However, he was still Harry Styles and it was hard for Harry to do anything but stand out. He was fidgeting with his suit jacket, messing around with the collar of it before he looked up and caught my eye.

I wondered what he saw, looking at me standing up on the podium. I knew what my friends and family saw; they saw me finally getting one of my big wishes to come true. But what did Harry Styles, who already got his dream, see? 

I didn’t have time to think about it, because Aimee was gesturing for me to start the reading. She was helping usher people to their seats, and I felt the weight of more than just Harry’s eyes on me.

“Good evening everyone,” I said into the small microphone attached in front of me. “Thank you all for coming. This is the culmination of blood, sweat, tears, and other bodily substances I won’t mention. I can’t wait to share it with you. This reading comes from chapter seven, in which I discuss why Game of Thrones actually became so popular and how I think the last season is going to go, amongst other things.”

Jeremiah let out an embarrassing whooping sound and I rolled my eyes. 

Then, I read.

If I had expected to be embarrassed standing there in front of a crowd, reading the words I had written, I was wrong. Instead of feeling down, like I had so many times before when I discussed the things I loved, I felt powerful. Because yeah, Nathan Penrose could be a racist asshole all he wanted, and his friends could drop all my books in the puddle. But I had done it. I had written my book, I had a kickass podcast that introduced me to my best friends, and I was filled with an uncharacteristic pride.

So I went along with it. It’s what Doctor Thorne would have wanted. But more importantly, it was what I wanted.

Aimee had been a lifesaver with the water, as I found myself finishing up my excerpt and drinking nearly all of it during the applause. “Thank you,” I said after I had capped the bottle and set it back where I had it hidden. “Thank you to Aimee Metcalfe, my knight in shining armor through this process. Thank you to Terri Patterson, who spent night and day editing. Thank you to everyone at Dorrance Publishing who put up with trying to get copyright issues taken care of because I wrote about some of the biggest money shark companies in here,” I paused for the light laughter that trickled through the room. “But most importantly, thank you to my friends and family and everyone who supported me through this. It means the world. I hope you enjoy the rest of the book.”

There was a small table with stacks and stacks of my book. I didn’t think I’d ever seen that many pictures of me in one place before, including my parents’ house. Aimee started up the trivia game, and I heard the first question asked about what the aliens that destroyed New York in the first Avengers movie was called while I took my seat at the table.

“The book is awesome.” I heard from my left. I turned, seeing Harry standing beside the table, leaning against a pillar. “I could tell you love it when you were reading.”

“It’s a little overwhelming to see it all finished,” I said, awkwardly gesturing to the pile of books in front of me. 

“Would you ever want to write fiction?”

I shrugged. “I’m not sure. For now, no. I might change my mind later.” He nodded, fixing his suit jacket again like he had been earlier. “I didn’t expect you to come,” I said after a few moments.

His eyes crinkled and his head tilted to the side, like he was confused. “Why? You invited me and this is important to you. I wouldn’t miss it.”

“It wasn’t hard...with the paps or anything?”

His jaw set and told me everything I needed to know. “I’ve got someone on security here tonight, just in case. I’m not gonna let anything ruin your big night, including paps. There was someone who recognized my car, but I don’t think anyone else is coming.” He unclenched his jaw and looked down at me. A softer look took over his face. “You look gorgeous. That color reminds me of the dress you wore to prom.”

I blinked. “You didn’t talk to me at prom.”

In fact, I had spent most of prom standing in the corner, nursing the lemonade I had gotten myself. Nathan Penrose had spiked it, but not before I had gotten myself a cup. I had saved up all my money for the pretty red spaghetti strap dress, but looking back it was a useless purchase. I didn’t have fun and was home drinking tea and watching Legally Blonde by midnight.

Harry gave me a small smile. “No, but I saw you. I remembered thinking you looked so beautiful and how I was an idiot for how I’d treated you.”

“You did not,” I argued, rolling my eyes at his statement. “You were thinking of your audition and what song you were going to sing. I wasn’t even a blip on your radar.”

He shrugged, bringing his own water up to his lips. “Think what you think. Doesn’t change the fact you looked gorgeous— then and now.”

I fiddled with one of the books in front of me. I didn’t know how to take his compliment. It was something I’d always been bad at, but especially when it came to Harry. Part of me wanted so badly to believe he was telling the truth; he had seen me at prom and thought I looked pretty and was looking at me now and seeing the same thing. The other part of me was hardened and cold, telling myself not to fall for it.

In the end I just decided to ignore his comment. If I didn’t acknowledge it, then I didn’t have to dissect my feelings on it.

“I’ve got to take off. I’m sorry I can’t stay long. I’m flying out to Los Angeles tonight for some meetings. But I wanted to be here.” He held up one of my books and set it in front of me. “Last time I asked, you said you wouldn’t sign it.”

“Wipe that cheeky grin off your face. Of course I’ll sign it.” He slipped a fifty pound note onto the table (more than double what he actually had to pay for the book) and opened up the title page.

The blank page stared at me. There were so many things I could write. Aimee advised me just to sign my name, but that felt too impersonal for Harry. Uncapping the pen, I held down the page with my other hand to keep it steady.

Live long and prosper, my young padawan.

Petra Gallego

He grinned when I handed it back to him. “I’m reading this on my flight to LA.”

“Might put you to sleep.”

“I don’t think it could,” he argued, tucking it under his arm. “Think I could...um...text you while I’m there?”

“I can’t control what you do or don’t do, Harry.”

“Yeah, but I wanted to give you the choice.”

The choice to talk to him. It was something I didn’t have in secondary school, but I realized a small part of me acknowledged that it was something I didn’t have now, either. There was something in me that wanted to see where this friendship with Harry went and if we could make it work.

“Yeah, Harry. You can text me when you’re in LA.”

Which was how I woke up the next morning, with a message reading: Made it to LA. Didn’t stop reading once. And despite what you may think, I didn’t fall asleep either.

~

A/N: Here is the next installment of AC! I hope you guys liked reading as much as I loved writing. I’m just so happy for Petra!

[luviedovey]

the you i fell in love with

connor murphy x female!reader

a/n: not me writing a fic about mike faist’s connor murphy 2 years after he left the show...... also Connor is probably ooc 

summary: you were Connor’s girlfriend who lived in the next town over, a little over a half hour away. his family didn’t know about you, no one did. he didn’t want his family or anyone he knew to scare you away. in the end, it didn’t really matter. he was gone. when the Connor Project came to be and Evan resigned from being co-president, you ran into him. you questioned him about his “friendship” with Connor and he told you everything.

set after the Murphy’s find out the truth and before the Evan/Zoe reunion at the orchard.

second person pov

warning: a few swear words, also very brief mention of depression and taking your own life, and Larry Murphy kind of being a dick

word count: 5,573

______

“Who are you exactly?” Evan questioned the girl who pulled him off to the side of the supermarket where no one else was around. To say he was a little nervous would be an understatement, he was freaking out on the inside.

“I’m so sorry! I probably scared you half to death dragging you along like that.. I just have some questions for you, if you don’t mind answering..?” You smiled at him sheepishly. Something about your awkward smile eased his mind a bit, but not enough. “No, sorry my mom actually is waiting for me by the-” “It’s about Connor!” You interrupted, looking at him through sad, heartbroken eyes. “..Please. Evan Hansen. I know you weren’t really friends with him. I know you weren’t even secret friends with him.. Because if you were, I would’ve known.”

Evan looked around before looking back at you, confused. “Who are you?” He asked for the second time. “I’m- I was Connor’s girlfriend. Y/N L/N. I met him 2 years ago at the apple orchard you guys rebuilt?  We both went there because we thought that no one else would be there and that it would be the perfect place to escape. His family and classmates never knew about me because he-” you laugh slightly,” he was afraid they would take me away from him. Or that his family would fight in front of me and he’d lose his cool or that his sister would say nasty things about him to ‘spare me from being in a relationship with him’ or even that the bullies at his school would turn me against him even though he knew damn well I could never.” You stopped rambling and passed him a Polaroid picture of the two of you, sitting against the chain link fence that surrounded the old abandoned apple orchard. You were looking up at Connor with heart eyes as he smiled back down at you. A real smile. This was the real Connor Murphy.

Evan looked up from the picture at you, shocked before quickly returning it to you. “Oh my god... You must think I’m such a h- horrible person for doing all this and pretending to be best friends with your- your dead boyfriend- I’m so sorry for your loss by the way- and making up all these stories about things we never really did and starting a whole online campaign about-” “Evan!” He stopped ranting, breathing heavily. “Breathe, okay? In through your nose, out through your mouth. Relax.”

It was silent for a moment before Evan mumbled a quiet, “Thank you.”

You smiled knowingly. “Now. Mind telling me everything?”

The two of you sat in your old beat up truck, as Evan told you everything. And by everything i mean everything. He started from the very beginning, “My dad left when I was 7 so now it’s just me and my mom. She works all the time at the hospital to support us and to pay for her education- she’s studying to be a paralegal- and so I’m usually home alone. I have anxiety so I take medication and go to therapy where I have to write a letter to myself hyping myself up for the day and trying to be positive and stuff-” “’Dear Evan Hansen’...”

He looked up from his hands at you, “Yeah.. Connor had one of my letters when he- um.. he took it from me earlier that day..” “It was your therapy letter? Why did he take it from you?” “Oh! You see he didn’t actually know it was a letter to myself for therapy he just thought I was being creepy and writing about his sister in a letter to print it out where he would find it and freak out and explode or something- That wasn’t why though, I didn’t even know he was in the room with me, I thought I was alone. He signed my cast before he read my letter, though. He said, ‘Now we both can pretend we have friends.’ Which is why I thought doing what I did would be okay but it wasn’t and it never will be and I really shouldn’t justify my actions because it was-” “Evan breathe.” “Right, sorry.” “Don’t apologize, it’s okay.” “Okay sor-” You gave him a pointed look.

“O-okay...” You giggled slightly, looking out of the window at the supermarket parking lot, “So.. he ran out with your letter, pissed because he thought you were fucking with him... And then he killed himself.” “Yeah.”

“So what happened after that?” “The Murphy’s showed up in the principal’s office three days later. I knew something was wrong because Connor and Zoe both weren’t in school and I know Connor skips but it’s not likely that they would both be out on the same days. Zoe doesn’t really skip school- she’s not that kind of person.” You nodded, gesturing to get to the point. “Right, they called me into the office because Connor had my letter and my name was on it so they thought the letter was for me. I tried to tell them it wasn’t- that I was the one who wrote it, but they were in denial. They kept reading parts of my letter back to me from memory, trying to make sense of it but I couldn’t tell them- I couldn’t get through to them....” He sighed.

“They invited me over to dinner and I went because I wanted to set the record straight but when I got there, they wanted to hear everything I knew about Connor. But I didn’t know anything, so whenever they brought something up I just nodded and agreed. Zoe was getting suspicious so I started to make things up. ‘Connor loved to talk about how much he hated skiing.’ ‘Connor took us to A La Mode and we ate our ice cream in the apple orchard where we climbed trees and raced across the open fields.’ ‘We would quote songs by our favorite bands.’ ‘We’d tell jokes no one else would understand.’ All lies. And they believed them. They wanted me to keep talking, they needed me to. They were broken and I just wanted to help them. I told them that we were friends on the internet where we’d email each other to talk about our day and stuff. And Connor would use a secret email account because he knew his dad was checking his regular email, and he didn’t want anyone to know we were friends.... Now that I think about it, this kind of sounds like your story.” You laughed, lightening the mood, and nodded.

“You know, you really aren’t that far off from who Connor was, despite the fact that you were making it up as you went. He wasn’t the monster that everyone thought he was. I mean sure in 2nd grade he pushed over a printer because he had a little tantrum about being skipped for line leader, but what kid doesn’t have a tantrum at least once in their life? It definitely didn’t help that all those kids grew up, making the story sound worse than it really was. He was always angry and stand-offish because everyone in his life would say shit about him that wasn’t true or be nice to him to get close enough to learn something new about him and then turn around and make fun of him for it. He was battling depression and needed help but his family didn’t want to believe there was anything actually wrong with him. I was the only one to believe him. To believe in him. But I’m just one person, and I guess that wasn’t enough..” You trailed off. Evan awkwardly put a hand on your shoulder, rubbing it with his thumb as a way to console you.

It was silent for a moment. “I think he would’ve liked you. It would’ve taken him a while to warm up to you, but I really do think the two of you could’ve been friends.” Evan smiled slightly, before frowning. “I pretended to be his friend for so long, but Alana- she’s the co-president of the Connor Project- started getting suspicious about our friendship, saying that the letters didn’t make sense because it sounded like Connor was getting better so I showed her Connor’s ‘suicide note’-” “Dear Evan Hansen, It turns out this wasn’t an amazing day after all. This isn’t going to be an amazing week or an amazing year. Because, why would it be?”

“...Yeah. She believed me too. I told her not to show anyone because it was a really private thing, but she just said that was exactly what people needed to see. She posted it and people on the internet started to attack the Murphy’s, saying things like ‘They’re a rich family who couldn’t bother to pay for their son to get help?’ and ‘I’m not saying to do anything illegal but their house is the pale yellow house at the end of the cul de sac with a red door.’” Your hand flew to your mouth in shock. “They even leaked Zoe’s phone number and their house phone! Everything was just spiraling out of control and I didn’t know what to do. I panicked and the only thing I could think of to do was just.. them the truth. So I did and I told them everything. I wrote the letter, Connor took it from me, we weren’t really friends, and it was all a lie. I haven’t spoken to the Murphy’s since.” He fiddled with his hands in his lap and sighed. “And.. I’m scared. Scared that one day I’ll go to school and everyone will hate me or that the Murphy’s will ruin my life.. Not that I don’t deserve it, after what I did? I deserve worse.”

“Evan.. No one deserves that, especially not you. What you did wasn’t exactly the right thing to do but you had the best intentions.” He nodded silently, “What did you want to ask me earlier anyways?”

You turned, facing down at the wheel in front of you. “I wanted to ask you if you knew where he was buried.”, a tear slipped from your eye as you sighed, smiling sadly, “I didn’t exactly get to say goodbye..” “I could go with you if you’d like. To show you the way?”

“Thank you, Evan.”

___

During the ride to the cemetery, You and Evan talked, trying to lighten the mood, and quickly became best friends. The two of you didn't have so much in common but you were both very comfortable and supportive of each other. You were like the siblings neither of you had.

The two of you stepped out of the truck, and begun walking to Connor’s grave. “Oh! Hold on..” You turn back, grabbing a beautiful bouquet of red roses and pink tulips, with a small white card that said, “I’m sorry I couldn’t help you enough when you needed it, Connor. I will never forget you, mon amour. I love you, always.” Connor didn’t have a specific favorite flower but he did appreciate their meanings. Roses represent love, and tulips represent a declaration of love. You hoped that even though he was gone he would still appreciate the thought you put into it.

The two of you walked up to his grave. It was at this moment when it hit you that he was really gone forever. You dropped to your knees, carefully placing down the flowers. Tears streaming as you silently sobbed, Evan’s hand on your left shoulder and the ghost of Connor’s hand on your right.

“I’m sorry, Connor. I love you more than you’ll ever know..”

The two of you sat there in silence for a while, before agreeing to leave in case the Murphy’s decided to visit. Neither of you really wanted to run into them and have to explain who you were and why you were there. “Do you want to come over to my house? You look emotionally exhausted.” You laughed and nodded, starting up the car.

___

“Why didn’t you come to town sooner?” You sighed, “I just.. I didn’t want to believe that he was really gone, you know? And coming here, seeing his grave, and his grieving family just confirmed what I prayed wasn’t true.” You sipped on the hot chocolate in your hands, staring out of the window at the pouring rain and cloudy night sky. “Have you met them yet?” Evan mumbled, typing on his laptop on the couch beside you. He pulled up the Connor Project and read about all the many different things Alana was doing. “No.. But I feel like I should? Like I know things about Connor that would give them closure but I can’t bring myself to go over and talk to them.”

“If only there was a way for you to show them what Connor was really like so you wouldn’t have to talk to them...” It was silent for a moment, “Actually... Connor and I used to write each other handwritten letters and take a lot of pictures together..” “Well what are the odds..” he giggled, “Maybe you could give those to them? The ones that aren’t super personal?” You sat together deeply in thought.

“But I can’t exactly bring myself to just give them away... Maybe I could copy them and white out all the personal stuff? Like the things between me and Connor only, and my face and name?” Evan nodded, agreeing that that would be the best option. You’d create a box filled with things Connor wrote and pictures of when he was truly happy, then leave it on the Murphy’s doorstep. It was a safe, no-contact interaction.

___

The next night, you went over to Evan’s house with the box labeled “The Real Connor Murphy. (i’m so sorry for your loss.. i thought maybe you would like to have these to know who he really was.)” Evan gave you directions to the Murphy household. Eventually, you parked in front of the pale yellow house, all three cars were in the driveway. “You better be quick if you don’t want anyone to see you.. Just.. keep the car running, drop off the box, ring the doorbell, and book it back here and drive off. Don’t turn back.” “Okay super spy.” You laughed nervously.

You walked up to the door, placing the box neatly on the ground with a single rose and tulip tapped on the top, rang the doorbell, and ran off. You jumped into the car and drove off just as Evan, who was previously hiding away from the car window, saw the red front door begin to open.

___

“Larry!” Cynthia Murphy exclaimed, picking up the box from the front porch to the dinner table, placing it beside the small card they had found on a mysterious bouquet of flowers they found the day before against Connor’s gravestone. “What is that?” He asked, looking at it with disinterest. “I found it on the porch, it says ‘The Real Connor Murphy. I’m so sorry for your loss.. I thought maybe you would like to have these to know who he really was.’ It’s in the same handwriting as the note we found on that bouquet of flowers. It even has the same two flowers! It has to be the same person. Someone who really loved him...” “What’s inside?” Zoe asked while reading and rereading the small card.

Cynthia opened the box to find handwritten letters from Connor and a mystery girl, photos of Connor laughing, smiling, pouting, hugging and kissing someone with a scratched out face. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes. This was the real Connor, a whole different version of him that the three were completely unaware of. Seeing him like this was just so unfamiliar to them, they couldn’t believe their eyes for a moment. Zoe picked up a letter, reading it aloud,

“Dear Y/N

Things haven’t been going so well lately, my parents are always fighting, my mom pretends like there’s nothing wrong, my dad doesn’t pay attention to anyone but himself anymore, and Zoe hates me.

Not that I blame her, I hate myself too. But I don’t hate myself when I’m around you. I’m so glad to have you around. You make life just a little easier every day.

It’s harder when you’re not around, I get angry easier when I get bullied at school or when Zoe says something awful about me. I just feel like I’m an airplane about to crash, but with you around I feel like I’m flying. Smooth sailing. Floating even. You are the most perfect girl I’ve ever met.

Thank you. I love you.

Sincerely, Con”

“He.. he had a girlfriend..?” She said, in shock. The three began to shuffle through the letters, photos, and little post-it notes, putting them in piles. “These are all copied..” “Maybe whoever left them didn’t want to give the originals away..?” “Maybe because she still cares about and loves him and didn’t want to give these away. They seem so.. personal.” Cynthia picked up a post-it note,

“Tu es belle Y/N, je t'adore.”

“What does that even mean?” Zoe pulled out her phone going straight to google translate, “It’s says ‘you are beautiful, i adore you.’.. I didn’t know Connor knew french.” “He never took a class for it. Maybe he learned it on his own?” Larry picked up a photo this time, Connor was standing in front of the apple orchard’s rotting old sign in the middle of the field, fake pouting and wearing a thin little flower crown you had made him. “I didn’t know Connor had any feelings other than anger.” Cynthia hit his arm. “Wait,” Zoe said, grabbing the attention of her bickering parents, “This letter has a picture and a post-it note attached to it.”

“Dear Con,

Thank you for the painting, it’s absolutely beautiful. You are so so talented. The way you put so much thought into every detail is truly admirable. You make everything you paint so exciting and captivating, even if the thing you’re painting isn’t very exciting at all. You see the beauty in the things that most people never give a second glance.

It kind of reminds me of the way I look at you.

To most people that don’t know you, you are a “freak” or “school shooter chic”. But, when I look at you, you are none of those things. You are beautiful, you are captivating, you are perfectly imperfect. You are worth it. Don’t give up on me darlin’.

I love you.

Sincerely, Y/N/N”

Attached to the letter was a photo of the painting mentioned. It was a painting of your beaten old navy blue truck parked beside a chain link fence that blocked it off from the open field. In the background, the sun was setting in a perfect blend of yellows, oranges, and reds. It was so detailed that if you weren’t already aware that it was a painting, you would’ve probably thought it was a photo taken from a fancy camera. “It really is beautiful..” Cynthia trailed off, wiping a stray tear that fell from her eye, “He was so talented. I didn’t even know he liked to paint! I mean I knew he took an art class but because he skipped school so much, I never even thought he went..”

“I guess we really didn’t know Connor at all..” Zoe begun to get angry, “What kind of family does that?! I mean we lived with him, I grew up with him, you two raised him, and we still didn’t even know who he was?! This.. this stranger even knew more about him than we did! Do you realize how sad this is? We have to learn about our dead family member from a complete stranger because when he was alive, we were too busy pretending like he was just acting out for attention instead of actually needing help! He needed help and we didn’t give it to him! It’s not like we couldn’t afford to take him to therapy! We just pretended like he was a monster and if we ignored him, he would stop..” She took a deep breath, “Maybe we were the monsters and his anger and tantrums were his cries for help...” “Zoe..” Cynthia reached for her arm but she pulled away, running up to her room while choking back tears. “..She’s right.”

The two were quiet for a long period of time, reading and rereading every letter and every note, memorizing every photo.

Cynthia held up a photo of Connor and a girl, whose face was completely scratched out, “Who are you..”

___

The next day was a particularly warm day so you and Evan drove over to A La Mode as a victory ice cream run of sorts. You really believed in treating yourself after small, seemingly insignificant, victories such as dropping off a box of precious letters to a grieving family. They needed closure, and you were willing to give it them. Evan, despite talking about A La Mode with the Murphy’s before, had never actually been. You two talked and ate your ice cream sitting in the back of your truck, looking out at the orchard across the street. The orchard was renamed the “Connor Murphy Memorial Orchard”, which made your heart a little heavy. Another reminder that he was really gone.

In the distance, on the other side of the fence sat the Murphy’s who were packing up from their weekly picnic. As they got up to walk out of the orchard, Zoe looked across the street. “Wait a minute..” Her parents stopped walking. “What is it Zoe?” Larry asked. She pointed at the car parked across the street, “Isn’t that the car that Connor painted his girlfriend in that letter? And Evan?” They looked across the street to find the same navy blue truck and a familiar face.

Evan paled, “The Murphy’s are looking at us!” he whisper-shouted. You began to turn around, but Evan stopped you. “No don’t look!” Your head whipped back to him as your face paled, “They recognized my car..” “How could they? It was night time when you dropped off the box and the door barely begun to open as you drove away..”

You smiled sheepishly, “I may or may not have given them a picture of a painting Connor made me of my truck parked beside that exact fence...” Evan facepalmed and gave you a deadpanned look. “Well they’re starting to walk across the street now.”

You shot up, “Let’s go.” “I mean would it be so bad to meet his parents?” Evan asked as the two of you scrambled into the front seats. “I’m just.. I’m not ready to have that conversation just yet.” You reversed out of the parking spot and drove back onto the road.

“Wait!” The Murphy’s shouted to the car as it begun to drive off. “There was a girl driving. Maybe that was her?” Cynthia asked, hopefulness clear in her voice. “She was with Evan, do you think the box of letters were fake?” Larry, always the optimist. “They couldn’t be, they were handwritten in Connor’s handwriting. Even the french notes.”

Zoe thought for a moment, “Well if we’re going to find her, we should probably start with Evan’s place first.” “Who said we were going to look for her?” Larry asked, “I’m not wasting my time on a wild goose chase. She’s already shown us enough about Connor.”

Cynthia turned to her husband, “How could you say that? She could be the one thing to bring us closer to our son. Our son who took his own life because he felt that that was the only path left for him. And you don’t want to try to find her? Find closure? Honestly Larry, what is wrong with you lately!” “I’m sorry. We’ll find her.”

___

The Murphy’s found themselves at the Hansen household. They knew you were there. After all, your truck was parked in the driveway. Inside were you, Heidi, and Evan. You had just met Heidi, but she loved you. She was thrilled to find that Evan had made a friend like you. You hung out with Evan even after learning he lied about being friends with your recently deceased boyfriend, and helped him when he started to rant and breathe heavy about it. You were so kind-hearted, forgiving, and calm by nature, that he was finally comfortable around someone. You were quickly best friends.

A knock at the door startled the three of you. “Are you guys expecting anyone?”, Heidi stood up to get the door as you and Evan turned to each other. He placed a hand on your shoulder to comfort you. “I suppose now’s a good time as ever, even though I really only had 24 hours to prepare myself..” You muttered, the two of you walking towards the front door.

The Murphy’s stopped and stared at you. “Are you.. Were you Connor’s girlfriend?” Cynthia asked. You nodded slightly, rubbing your arm as a nervous habit. “I’m Cynthia, this is Larry and Zoe.. We’re Connor’s family.” “I know.”

Heidi invited them in, everyone heading to the living room. “It’s so nice to finally meet you.. We just wanted to thank you for all the letters and photos of Connor. It feels like we’re finally getting to know who he really was on the inside.” You looked up from your lap, “No offense ma’am, but shouldn’t you have gotten to know your own son when he was still around?”

Zoe laughed, awkward and uncomfortable. “I really don’t think that’s funny.. especially considering you didn’t bother to get to know him either.” You said getting defensive, sticking up for Connor. Even if he was gone, you would never stop fighting for him. You did truly love him after all. “And before you say ‘Connor wasn’t easy to talk to. He would always yell and storm off.’, just think about the fact that having a relationship with someone is a two way street. You can’t expect someone to make an effort if you don’t try to do the same.”

The three looked at her in shock. Heidi and Evan smiling sheepishly in the background. “I..”, Larry started, but trailed off, not being able to come up with a proper response. Cynthia and Zoe looked deep in thought, unable to do the same.

It was quiet for a long amount of time.

“You’re right. You’re right and I wish it wasn’t true, but it is. And the only thing we could do now is learn from our mistakes. We don’t exactly know how we’re going to do that but we’re willing to try. And we’re hoping that you could help us? Help us figure out what to do and help us learn about who Connor was?” Zoe finally spoke up, her parents nodding along in agreement.

You were trying to heal from everything that happened and them putting all their hope on you wasn’t really helping. But maybe grieving together would allow everyone to heal and remember him in a more positive way? At least you hoped.

There’s a lot of hope pinned on others here.

“I suppose helping you all would let us heal.. together?” You said, slightly questioning your own words, turning toward Evan. He shrugged, giving you a thumbs-up. “But I don’t feel comfortable talking about Connor unless Evan is around.” You paused, “It’d be nice to have a familiar face around and we’re practically best friends now.. so..” “Yes of course.” The three stood up, walking to the front door, “We’ll come back here at 11AM tomorrow and drive to the orchard for a picnic if that’s alright with the two of you?” You and Evan nodded simultaneously. “Are you allergic to anything dear?”

With the shake of your head and a quick goodbye from Evan and Heidi, the Murphy’s were off.

“Am I doing the right thing here? Connor didn’t even want his family to known I existed! And now we’re going on a picnic with them? Where I have to talk about him?” You sat down, head in your hands as a headache begun to grow. Heidi placed her hand on your shoulder gently, “It’s going to be tough right now, and it’s going to be emotionally draining, I’m sure. But, if you really think that they deserve to know who he really was, that how they perceive him is wrong, then I think you are doing the right thing. You’re helping them, you’re helping yourself, and you’re helping Connor. You did say that he wanted to change the way people saw him. And you’d be doing that for him, even if he’s not physically around to see it happen.”

“Thank you, Heidi.”

___

“It’s really nice of you to agree to meet us here, Y/N. And Evan, it’s nice to have you here too.” Cynthia smiled, putting down a blanket for the picnic. Everyone sat down in an awkward silence.

“So... is.. is there anything you wanted to know that wasn’t already in the letters?” You asked, picking at the blades of grass beside you. Evan slapped your hand away from the grass, silently scolding you in true forest ranger fashion for messing with nature. The Murphy’s turned to each other, silently debating what to say and who would say it. No surprise to you and Evan that the one to speak up was Cynthia. The past couple of hours really showed that she was the only one who seemed to care, at least a little bit, about Connor when he was around, though Zoe and Larry were trying their best now.

“Why didn’t Connor bring you around to meet the family? It really seemed like you brought so much light to his life. I mean, you brought out parts of him that we didn’t even know existed!” “We thought he was a monster...” Zoe muttered sadly.

Your heart ached for this family, they really knew nothing about him.. “Connor didn’t bring me around because he was afraid you’d all ‘scare me off’,” you laughed slightly, “And Connor may have been a monster to you, but the real Connor was never a monster, to me or to anyone in my small town. In the next town over, no one knew who Connor was or what he’d done in the past. It was like a fresh start. Which I knew he desperately needed. I mean, with all the people bullying him, hurting him physically or emotionally or both, and spreading fake rumors about him since he was in the second grade? He was angry and hurting and he didn’t know how to deal with it, so he would lash out. But wouldn’t you react the same way? Build up walls so people wouldn’t hurt you? Isolate yourself so people couldn’t get close enough to?”

It went silent again, the only sound was the wind blowing in the summer breeze and the trees rustling in the background.

“She’s right.”

Everyone looked up, faces showing some form of shock. Larry continued, “All that stuff was going on in school and we made it worse for him at home. He asked us for help and we always assumed he was doing for attention. No matter how hard we tried to be a perfect family, we never were and we probably never will be.”

Zoe wiped away a stray tear. “Even though you couldn’t save your kid, maybe there’s a way you could save someone else’s?” He turned to you with a questioning glance. “I mean you have to admit, you’re a pretty wealthy family, maybe you can spend some time donating to suicide prevention hotlines and foundations that were created specifically to help those who are suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts like Connor was? I know for a fact that Connor hated the way that he felt, and would never want anyone to go through what he’d been going through, no matter how much of an asshole they were.”

Cynthia reached over to you, placing a hand on your knee, smiling as tears fell freely from her face, from all of their faces. “That’s a brilliant idea, Y/N.”

___

The picnic went on as you told them stories of your’s and Connor’s adventures together. Jumping over the fence to lay around in the yellow fields of the old orchard, helping your mom arrange flowers in her flower shop (he would always make sure his bouquets were well thought out in their meaning), buying junk food and snacks when having movie marathons on a Saturday night, sketching and painting moments together so you two would never forget them.

With each little story, his family knew more about him and you felt as close to him as you had been before that heart-wrenching summer day. 

You fell behind from the group as you all walked out of the orchard. Turning back and taking one last look at the entrance, the fields, and the growing trees of the Connor Murphy Memorial Orchard, you notice a figure dressed in black standing with his back against the fence. He gave you a smile, a genuine yet sad smile, mouthing the words “thank you” and “i love you”, before disappearing in the wind.

[teacherimagines]

Social Distancing

Male tc x Female reader

T/C/N = teacher crush’s name

Y/N = your name

Masterlist

Enjoy!

——————

This quarantine has been driving you crazy. Not only mentally, but also emotionally, physically, and sexually. Going from seeing T/C/N everyday to suddenly not put you in shock. You see him once in a while, on Zoom calls with multiple students. You can’t get his sole attention anymore. You can’t have those innocent glances. You can’t smell his cologne. The cute outfits you wear don’t matter. This was your senior year, and it was all just horrible timing. You’ve probably seen T/C/N for the last time already.

Today was finals, and you finished writing your last essay. As soon as you hit submit, you closed your laptop and laid back on your bed. Another school year for the books. You took a deep breath as you felt the stress roll off of your shoulders. But then a notification went off on your laptop. You felt all the stress creep back, but then you saw that it was an email from T/C/N.

Good Afternoon Y/N,

I hope you have been making it steady through these stressful times. I’ve missed having class with you, you’re a student who reminds me why I teach. Anyways, it’s been an honor getting to know you. I wanted to offer to keep in touch after you graduate, which is why I sent this through my personal email. I want to see how amazing you will do in college and continue our always wonderful conversations.

Best,

T/C/N

You felt butterflies as you read the email. You couldn’t believe your eyes. You replied to his email, taking him up on his offer. He was delighted to hear this, as expected, and the two of you were off to a new chapter in your lives.

The two of you emailed a few times a week, talking about whatever is on your mind and keeping the conversations entertaining. You suggested the idea of meeting in person one day to hang out, but T/C/N seemed unsure about it. You reassured him that you’d be wearing a mask and staying six feet of distance from him. You also said that you could go to a nearby cafe, which has outdoor seating. Sure enough, you were able to convince him to meet up with you.

When the day finally came, you suddenly felt anxious. What were you going to wear? What if today is a fluke and the outfit you wear today is the one he remembers you by? After all the emails, does he still think of you the same? Or has some new sort of fondness developed? What were you going to talk about? How will you keep conversations interesting? What were you going to order? Who’s going to pay? All of these questions flooded your busy mind as you sat on your bed, surrounded by a mountain of clothes.

You ended up choosing one of your favorite outfits, reviewing the emails, reading the news and internet for conversation topics, looking at the cafe menu online, and borrowing $20 from your mom. These tasks answered all of your questions except one: how does he feel about you now?

You drove to the cafe, where T/C/N met you promptly. As soon as you saw him, you felt that familiar, butterfly feeling you would feel when you saw him in the halls at school. When his eyes met yours, he smiled and walked over. “Hi Y/N. Lovely to see you again.” You smiled under your mask. “Hello, T/C/N, good to see you. Now, let’s get coffee.” You jumped to the chase because your mind went blank. You had a million and one things to tell him but being in his presence seemed to clear them all away for you.

You ordered your coffees without hassle, and then sat outside at a table. “Well, Y/N I have to say I am impressed with how well you’re doing. Most kids your age are having a rough time right now.” You nod. “I think it’s because the people in my life are so amazing, it just takes all the stress away.” And when you said people, you actually just meant one person, T/C/N.

The two of you spent a whole hour discussing politics, mental health, and art. It was intellectual, yet personal at the same time. You got to know each other better through the conversation. You forgot how much time had passed until T/C/N realized he had an appointment. “Listen, Y/N. I had a really great time today. Can we make this a thing? Every Friday at 2:00 we meet here?” You agreed. You were so excited that this meeting went well, and that he initiated more.

About a month passed, and each meeting became better and better as the two of you became more comfortable with each other. Somehow, one of the recent conversations turned to dating, and both of you admitted you were single. It didn’t go any further than there, but you realized that either of you could make a move at this point.

At your next meeting, T/C/N suggested a change of scenery, which caught you by surprise. “Like where?” You asked, confused. “Possibly a resturant, or a park or something. Just so we can have new experiences together or something. I don’t know. It’s totally up to you Y/N. Whatever you are comfortable with.” You nodded. “Okay, how about we go out to eat? We could go to applebees.” T/C/N smiled as he sipped a cup of coffee. “It’s a date.” The phrase made your stomach do somersaults. It’s a date. You went home that night in the best mood. You kept repeating the sound of his voice in your head.

When your ‘date’ finally arrived, you were a bit of a nervous wreck. You tried to keep as calm, cool, and collected as possible. You just tried to be the normal Y/N that T/C/N knows. However, T/C/N was not being normal, he was being flirty. You think your nervousness showed a bit. T/C/N probably picked up on this, but didn’t say anything. However, he did offer to take you out on another date, which you gladly accepted. The second one wasn’t as bad, it felt normal like at the cafe. You got used to the flirting, and what responses sounded best.

For your third date, you went mini golfing, where you totally crushed him. It was a good day of laughter and genuine fun. When you were at the last hole, you felt T/C/N’s eyes on you. You couldn’t concentrate on hitting the ball. “What is it?” You look up from the ball to T/C/N’s kind eyes. “Just taking in the beautiful view.” He said simply. “Want to see something more beautiful?” You asked him. “I’d like to see you try.” You couldn’t tell if he was smirking under his mask or not. You bit your lip in concentration as you hit the golf ball and made a hole in one. You jumped out of excitement. “Yes!” T/C/N laughed. “Yes, the view of you in pure joy was more beautiful.” He admitted. You both got quiet for a moment. “Y/N, I’m sorry I just can’t take it anymore.” He took off his mask. He walked towards you slowly. “May I remove your mask?” He asked quietly. You nodded. He gently brought his hands up to pull off your mask. His fingertips gently brushed your ears, leaving a slight tingly sensation. You took a breath of fresh air and smiled. “That’s better.” He said. “Y/N, can I do one more thing? Can I kiss you?” You nodded again. “Yes.” He slowly closed the gap between the two of you and cupped your cheeks with his hands. You closed your eyes and parted your lips. You felt his breath hover over your lips, leaving you in anticipation. Just kiss me already. You said in your head as if you hadn’t been saying it for a few weeks, or months rather. His lips finally touched yours, and you took in their plump sweetness. It was pure bliss kissing him. Your hands rested on the sides of his torso, and he kept pulling your face towards his. He even slipped a little tongue near the end of the kiss, which left you taken by surprise.

“Um, wow.” You said, and you both chuckled. “Yeah, screw this whole distancing thing.” T/C/N said as he pulled you in for another breathtaking kiss.

————

Thank you for reading! My inbox is open for requests!

[minnuet-archive]

Getting Better

Rating: PG

Content Warnings: None (that I can find- let me know if you find something)

Word Count: 1,802

Fan-fiction or Original Work? Original Work

Notes: For those of you who asked to be tagged specifically in this story, please let me know if you want to be permanently added to my general tag list!

Honestly, I’m proud of some of this, and not as proud of other parts of it, but that’s alright. I apologize for the fact that I’m utterly hopeless when it comes to creating titles. I didn’t make it too different from our world apart from the fact that people aren’t utterly horrible to each other because family (and friends, I suppose) have left me a bit too exhausted for worldbuilding. I finished writing this at around 1 AM so I apologize if it’s hard to follow near the end. All of my anxiety aside, I hope you enjoy!

The world was dying, and there was nothing they could do about it. That’s what runs through my head as I watch Ms. Ngeze gestures and listen to her voice.

"Their laws were really different than ours. They didn't have guilty until proven innocent laws for officer discrimination cases and accusations. Every law was in favor of the government and police." There's a sort of pain in her eyes as she speaks— one that I've never seen before. I can't look at her. It hurts to.

2020. As I think about the things human beings have done, I'm no longer sad. I'm angry. A virus was spreading around the entire planet and a group of ass-wipes lent it a helping hand because they wanted hair cuts? Whether a murderer should be charged was controversial?

It's not even the half of it. An entire continent was on fire (and the rest of the world was soon to be as well), people were losing basic human rights in other countries, and so much more. And even after all that, it took them so long to change.

No. I’m wrong. The world was dying. But there was something they could do about it. And they didn’t.

“You alright?” I shift my gaze up to meet Ms. Ngeze’s eyes and smile lazily. She sets a piece of paper down on my desk.

“I’m fine. Just thinking about how horrible people were to each other— particularly white cis-het men to everyone else. I can’t even imagine having things like what happened to George Floyd done to people like you and I. It all feels so distant, now.”

Her face softens and she speaks calmly, her voice like honey. “It does, doesn’t it?” I don't think she's being honest as she agrees with me, but I don't mention it.

“Yeah. I’m really thankful we can say it feels distant, too. I couldn’t imagine the human race surviving if we had stayed that ignorant and terrible.”

At this, she laughs. “Me either.” After passing out papers to the rest of my row and the class, she walks back up to the front of the classroom.

“Alright, everyone! I know it was upsetting and a little bit hard to hear today’s lesson, but I hope you feel satisfied with what you learned. If you have any questions about your homework or need an extension for any reason, send me an email or come in during homeroom. I’m here all day,” She glances at the clock a moment before the bell rings. “Bye, everyone! Have a nice day!”

Everyone in class stands up to leave, shouting their ‘have a nice day’s and ‘see you tomorrow’s.

I walk down the hall, smiling and waving at friends as I go along. I eventually find my spot in the quad and set my things down on the grass softly. Asa can’t handle loud noises.

Malee looks up from her book. ‘Hey, Hugo,’ she signs.

‘Hey,’ I respond. I sit down next to her and turn to smile at Asa.

They don't smile back, and my own smile fades a bit. “It’s alright. You want to use your phone to talk or do you just want to hang out?”

They shrug and grumble lightly and unintelligibly. I just touch the top of their hand lightly before opening my backpack. “How about we read a little bit?” I pull out my headphones and they pull theirs out, too.

I pull out my phone and open up an audiobook, handing it to Asa so they can play and pause it as they please.

Their current special interest is energy and I’m honestly finding it really interesting. Regardless of whether or not their special interests are "useful", they’re always interesting. Asa’s interesting.

One of the coolest and most surprising things I learned was that 99.999999999999% of the world is empty space between particles, but energy binds it all together. Zero-point energy, to be exact.

As we listen to the quotes of several physicists and engineers, they often pause the book and tell me facts or stories that certain words or phrases remind them of. But not on days like today. And that’s okay.

Listening to audiobooks and eating red bean cakes with Asa is just as lovely as talking to them. They slip their hand into mine and I smile. It’s more than enough for me to understand.

As a soft melody begins to play from the school speakers, I look over at Asa. They nod and we know that it’s three minutes until the bell rings. The music is one of our favorite things schools have implemented to help neurodivergent people. It can help ease them into the transitions from one thing to another, and I love it.

The two of us— who had both been laying on the grass— sit up, and I lean toward Malee, tapping her on the shoulder lightly.

‘Hey. You should start packing up. It’s a minute to the bell,’ I sign.

She nods and gives me a thumbs up before signing, ‘Okay, cool. Thanks for the heads up.’

I nod and begin to pack my things up. When I’m finished, the bell is about to ring. I look at Asa, who seems to have recharged a little.

“You doing any better?” I ask in a soft voice.

They shrug yet again and speak quietly. “I guess.” Their voice cracks from not having been used for over half an hour.

I smile at them and take their hand in mind for a moment, tracing my thumb in a circle over the top of their hand. I look them in the eyes and speak quietly. “I’ll see you after school. I love you.”

Asa nods, and I glance over at Mali who’s standing up with their binder in arm, ready to go. I wave goodbye to Asa and walk toward Mali. The two of us make our way toward the gym.

We sit down for a few minutes and chat about classes and family before Coach Min does roll call.

When Coach Min looks up at me, I smile. She grins back at me. “Hey, kid.”

“Hello!” I respond with a small wave as she goes back to taking roll.

As she moves down the rows, I don't go back to talking with Malee. My mind wanders back to today's history lesson.

It was so different. People were forced into such horrible situations. I bet they didn't learn sign language in school like we do.

I feel a tap on my shoulder and snap my head toward Malee. She cocks her head. 'Hugo? What are you thinking about?'

I shrug and sign back. 'Just the world. We learned about 2020 in history today and it just made me so mad.'

Nodding her head, she begins to sign. 'The world was a mess, but it was angry at itself for being a mess. It took longer than it should have, but people fixed the way the did things. We're okay now.'

Coach Min calls for us to get in a line for instructions, and we do.

I fling my hands forward in pure annoyance before regaining myself and signing back. 'Sorry. I just don't think it's okay. It was a race to the bottom— to being the dirtiest— and no one batted an eye at participating. I hate that we dismiss it so easily now that it's over. It's not even over yet! There are still bad people.'

'That's true. Bad people still exist; they always will. But we know how to deal with them, now,' she retorts. 'We know not to listen to them. Things aren't completely perfect. They never will be. The human species is a flawed one. But we'll keep learning how to be better. There will keep being setbacks and obstacles and we'll keep overcoming them.'

'But what if we get worse again? What if we repeat history again?' I want to scream. Malee's right, but she isn't seeing my side.

'We won't repeat history again. We stopped repeating history when we started actually teaching history— our full history. Look at us, Hugo!' She flails her arms in an effort to emphasize. “Schools and jobs are working to accommodate everyone. The majority of the population treats people of different races, sexualities, and genders with the exact same amount of respect. That wasn't true in 2020. Yeah, there are still assholes. But we'll keep growing. We'll keep getting better.'

I sigh and roll my eyes. 'Why are you so good with words? It's not fair.'

She giggles and smiles her wide smile.

"Hugo. Malee. Please."

Looking over at Coach Min, I smile sheepishly. "Sorry."

We shift our focus to her and listen as she finishes speaking. "Okay, so those are all of your options today. If for one reason or another you have a disability and haven't discussed it with me, or if you have discussed it with me and are having a rough day, come talk to me now. I'll find something fun for you to do."

The entirety of the class runs toward the back wall of the gym where sports equipment was sitting in baskets. A few people follow Coach Min as she walked toward her office.

'You can choose what we do today. I chose on our last free day.'

Malee's eyes light up like a gasoline-fueled fire and she signs at a speed that’s almost too fast for me to read. 'Can we do volleyball? We don't have to play with the others, but I'd love to at least bump and set the ball back and forth with you!'

I grin; her smile is contagious. 'Of course!' We walk toward the wall where everyone else already is and grab a deep violet ball from one of the baskets.

Volleyball isn't really played anymore, but when it became one of Asa's special interests, we all heard about it a lot, and Malee fell in love with it. Now we play it a lot, even though we don't have volleyballs themselves.

Passing the ball back and forth, I can't help but think of what Malee said. We have changed a lot. We have gotten better.

I hope we'll keep doing that. Getting better.

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[calpalirwin]

Never Imagined We’d End Like This

Summary: Just because it doesn’t work, doesn’t mean it wasn’t good. Sometimes people are better off as friends.

A/N: Time to learn a little bit more about the couple Finn and Vanessa were before they became our favorite exes (some overlap of the beginning of Package Deal)

Word Count: 4.4k

And away, and away we go!

__

“Um… Mr. Campbell?” Vanessa asked shyly, her knuckles barely scraping against the open door of the young man’s office.

“Yeah?” Finn asked, not looking up from his work.

“Sorry to bother you… but, um Professor Roe sent me. I missed the midterm and he said I should contact you. I would have emailed but I saw your office was open.”

Finn’s eyes tore away from his work and over at the woman. She was young, eighteen, maybe nineteen, if he had to guess. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail, with bangs sweeping across her forehead. Soft and innocent eyes that shone with intelligence. “Intro to Psych?” he asked kindly, pulling open a desk drawer and ruffling through it.

“Yes, sir,” she mumbled politely with a nod trying to look anywhere but at the handsome teacher’s assistant the sleeves of his shirt perfectly rolled midway up his forearms, lithe fingers running through the various folders before locating the right one.

“It’s Finn, please,” he told her, opening up the folder and pulling out a test. “I know it’s kinda cramped in here, but you’re more than welcome to the space. Or you can take the test with you and bring it back whenever. I would just recommend setting a timer for like an hour. It’s not worth spending much more time on it than that.”

“Thank you, Finn. But it might be best if I take it here. Quiet space even if it is small.”

He chuckled and cleared off a space on his desk for her. “Here, you can take my chair,” he offered, gesturing to the newly created spot.

“Oh, I can stand,” she waved him off. “You’re already being so nice.”

“Nonsense. I need to check with Professor Roe if he needs anything before class anyways so I’ll be on my feet for a bit,” he half-lied.

“Thanks.” Her cheeks flushed as she took the seat and set out to work.

“I’m sorry,” Finn shook his head. “I’m terrible with names. You are?”

“Vanessa Parker. Tuesday/Thursday class at 3.”

“Daydreamer,” he recalled with a nod. The girl had a strong tendency of letting her mind wander, a lazy smile on her lips with her chin cupped in her left hand while her right twirled her pen. But despite her daydreaming, she always had the correct answer on the tip of her tongue.

“I-” she started to stammer. “Last class. Long day. Don’t mean to.”

Finn chuckled. “No, it’s fine. I’d be more concerned if you weren’t so on top of your studies. Are you a psych major, Miss Parker?”

“Vanessa,” she corrected. “And no. Economics.”

He let out a huff of surprise. “Economics, huh? Never woulda guessed.”

She shrugged. “I like numbers. Always a definitive answer.”

He chuckled again and she smiled, liking the way he laughed and him equally enamoured with the way she smiled.

~~~

“Oh, it’s just gonna be me and my mom. I’m an only child, and Dad died when I was in high school,” Finn confessed when they were their plans for the break after the end of the semester.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Vanessa sighed sadly, cupping Finn’s face in her hands, thumbs rubbing across his cheekbones.

“S’alright,” he smiled softly at her, turning his head to press kisses against her palms. “He was sick a lot when I was a kid. Cancer. So we knew it was coming.”

“That’s still shitty, love. I can’t imagine losing my dad even if he does drive me crazy.”

“Yeah, your family. Tell me about them.”

“Mom and Dad. Still married. A sister who’s a year younger than me. I don’t really get along with any of them.”

“Why’s that?” Finn pressed gently.

“My sister’s a narcissist and my parents let her get away with it. My entire life has been her one-upping me. Like I honestly wouldn't be surprised if when I get home she tells us that she got accepted early into like an Ivy League and is valedictorian.”

“Then come home with me for the break.”

She snorted in disbelief. “I can’t just go home with you for the break.”

“Why not?”

“They’re my family, Finn. Whatever our bullshit I haven’t seen them in four months.”

“They may be your family, but toxic is still toxic, Ness.”

“Well…” Vanessa smiled at the thought of spending her week wrapped up in Finn rather than with her family. “I’d have to at least make an appearance… but no one said I had to stay there the whole time…”

Finn brightened, kissing her excitedly. “Oh, this’ll be great! My mom can’t wait to meet you.”

“You told your mom about me?”

“Of course I did. Think I’d keep someone as great as you a secret? I’d tell the whole world if they’d listen.”

Vanessa blushed. “Oh, stop. I’m okay, sure. But I wouldn’t say I’m great.”

“Well, that’s why I’ll say it for you.”

~~~

“Mom, this is Vanessa. Ness, this is my mom, Carol,” Finn introduced.

“Oh, it’s so nice to meet you, sweetheart!” the older woman said, pulling Vanessa in for a hug.

“It’s nice to meet you, too.” Vanessa returned the warmth, already liking this welcome home much more than the one she imagined was waiting for her at her parents’ place.

The rest of the afternoon found Vanessa sitting besides Carol on the couch, pouring over photo album after photo album, Finn growing up in front of their eyes. School pictures, birthdays, Halloween costumes, his high school graduation, and finally a picture of him that couldn’t have been that old: his hair an unruly wet mess and a wide smile as he straddled a surfboard in the middle of the ocean. “I didn’t know you surfed,” Vanessa murmured, admiring both the picture and the man at her side.

Finn shrugged. “I’m alright. I’ll take you out sometime if you like.”

“And I’ll teach you how to paint!” she agreed happily.

“You paint?” both Carol and Finn asked.

Vanessa nodded. “Mhm. I have some of them up in my dorm room. You’ve seen ‘em.”

“I thought you bought those…” Finn admitted sheepishly. “They’re really good, Ness.”

“Thanks, love,” she smiled at him, interlacing their fingers together as he kissed her cheek.

“So…” Carol said, “Finn tells me you’re a freshman. How was your first semester living away from home and everything? I bet you miss your family tons.”

So Vanessa spent the better part of the evening rattling off how great her first semester had been while Carol listened intently, beyond happy for the young woman hanging off her son’s arm.

“Mom really likes you,” Finn told her later that night as they settled in for bed.

“I really like her too. She raised a hell of a man.”

“And I can’t wait to meet the family that raised such an amazing woman,” he returned the compliment.

“Oh, trust me. You can.”

Finn was sure his girlfriend was exaggerating, so when they got to her house the next morning, he was more than taken aback. “A boy?” was the greeting he got, complete with a look over from Mr. Parker.

“Finn, Dad,” Vanessa was quick to smooth things out. “He goes to school with me.”

“Mmm. And what do you study?”

“Psychology, sir,” Finn told him.

“Mmm… good money in that to be sure. Not sure if it’s worth all the schooling though. What year are you in?”

“I’m a junior, sir.”

“Older,” was the comment as the man looked over at his daughter.

“I got straight A’s, Dad,” she answered the unasked question about what running around with an older boy would do to her academics.

“So did your sister. Got her early acceptance letter, too.”

“Good for Erica,” Vanessa said with a tight-lipped smile. “Where is she? And Mom?”

“Around.”

As if that was the magic word, an older and younger copy of Vanessa practically poofed into the room, with bright smiles and airy laughs. “Nessie!” the younger one shrieked, before wrapping her sister in a tight hug.

Finn rubbed nervously at the back of his neck, thinking that the dad was a piece of work, but the impression of the sister seemed to be going okay so far. “Nessie! Did Dad tell you about school? I got in! Early acceptance and everything!”

“He did,” Vanessa nodded. “Congratulations. Erica, Mom, this is my boyfriend, Finn.”

Erica’s face fell as she looked over at Finn with the same level of scrutiny the father had given him. “Hello,” he said politely.

“Hi…”

The day quickly fell apart from there. Finn learned exactly what Vanessa had meant by Erica’s narcissistic constant one-upping and the parental acceptance. Every story Vanessa tried to tell her parents was quickly interrupted by an even more glorious story of the younger Parker daughter’s accomplishments with little regard to Vanessa’s own feelings. Still, at the end of the visit, Vanessa hugged her parents and sister goodbye with a smile on her face.

“So, whaddya think?” Vanessa asked, her voice far too bright for the hell they’d just endured.

“Do you want my honest answer, or the answer you want to hear?” he asked.

“The honest one…”

“Baby… your family sucks. Like… I don’t know how someone as great as you came from a family as horrible as that. And the fact that you still willingly put up with them… You’re probably the strongest woman I know…”

When her lip quivered, he was quick to add, “Oh, baby… no, it’s not your fault.”

“I hate them!” she wailed, before breaking down sobbing. “I hate my family!”

He held her while she cried, gently shushing her. “It’s alright.”

“No, it’s not!” she continued to sob. “They’re my family! What kind of monster am I for hating my family?!”

“You’re not a monster. Sometimes people just suck. But it’s not a reflection of who you are.”

His words soothed her enough to calm down, but she was still sniffling when they got back to his mom’s. “Oh, my, what happened?!” Carol asked, pulling Vanessa in for a hug and the warmth of it set Vanessa into hysterics again.

“Her sister’s a narcissist and her parents aren’t much better,” Finn deadpanned, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Finn!” his mother scolded, while rubbing Vanessa’s back. “Shh, it’s alright, sweetheart.”

“I didn’t say it to be mean, Mom. I said it as a professional assessment.”

The woman smacked her son in the arm. “Time and place, Finn, time and place. Your girlfriend is upset.”

“She’s upset because her family sucks.”

“Finn Christopher!”

Vanessa sniffled, pulling out of Carol’s embrace and wiping at her face. “No, Finn’s right. My family… they aren’t the greatest.”

“Well, that’s okay, sweetheart. Unfortunately there’s not much we can do about who were bonded to biologically. But, we do get a say in whether we accept that bond and strengthen it, or create new bonds all together. My own family wasn’t much, but I eventually found one that was. They say you don’t get to choose your family. I say they’re half right.”

~~~

Finn’s mom quickly became Vanessa’s family after that. When spring break rolled around, Finn and Vanessa only visited Carol. And when summer came, Vanessa signed herself up for the school’s summer sessions so she didn’t have to give up her dorm room. A summer spent studying in Finn’s office while he worked, or sitting in the warm sand painting the handsome surfer when they succeeded in pulling the other away from their work.

It was a pattern the couple continued with the following school year. Minimal contact with her family while immersing herself in the new one she had found with Carol and Finn. And when Finn graduated that following spring, him and Vanessa moved into a little apartment a few blocks from campus.

It was in their small apartment that they dreamed about the family they would create together once she finished school and got a steady job, and once he completed his master and doctorate programs and started his own practice. Their own little life far away from the scrutiny of her family.

When Vanessa graduated with her bachelor’s and Finn with his master’s, Finn started to set money aside for a ring so they could start living the life they dreamed about together. But life had its own agenda, much like it does and instead of a ring, Finn bought a pregnancy test and stood with shaking hands outside a bathroom door rather than seated in a chair at a fancy restaurant.

“What’s it say? Finn asked timidly after what felt like the longest three minutes of his life.

“Pregnant,” her voice answered, small and terrified from the other side of the door.

He fought against his throat closing up to croak “Can you come out of the bathroom? Or let me in?”

The door slowly creaked open and she flung herself into his arms. “Are you mad at me?”

“No, baby,” he chuckled, running his hands through her hair and cupping her face in his hands so she’d look up at him. “We got this. I’m here every step of the way. I love you.”

“I love you.”

They told Carol first. After an appointment to make sure everything was going smoothly, they presented the woman with the sonogram. “I-is this…?” Carol stammered, looking quickly between her son, Vanessa, and their hands resting softly on Vanessa’s abdomen.

“Mhm,” Finn nodded.

“Oh, that’s great!” Carol clapped her hands to her mouth as a few happy sobs wracked her body. When she composed herself, she rattled on and on about how excited she was for them, and how if they needed anything all they needed to do was ask her.

Telling Vanessa’s family was another story.

The twenty-two year old woman slid the sonogram towards her parents, her other hand clinging tightly to Finn’s underneath the dinner table. “What’s this?” Mr. and Mrs. Parker asked, faces pulled into frowns as they studied the small picture.

“Your grandchild,” Vanessa told them.

“Oh, Nessie,” they said sorrowfully.

“I’m sorry?” she asked.

“Well you just started at your job. This isn’t going to be easy, Nessie,” her mother said, patting her daughter’s hand comfortingly.

“We know that. But it’s still something we’re excited for and honestly, I’m a little disappointment you don’t seem to share the same enthusiasm. This is your first grandchild.”

“Nessie, we are thrilled for you and Finn,” her father stepped in. “But…”

“But you don’t approve of the timing,” Vanessa finished sharply. “Because you never approved of anything I did.”

“Nessie!” her parents called out in shock as the couple got up and left.

“I’m so proud of you,” Finn murmured, placing a kiss in her hair.

“I don’t know what they want from me… I got good grades. I got a solid career. I have a great relationship with a great man. I’m carrying their grandchild. I did everything right!”

“Shh, it’s alright. They don’t have to be around the baby. You don’t owe them anything.”

“That’s the thing though, Finn. Despite it all, I still want them to be able to meet the baby. My own feelings shouldn’t get in the way of them having a relationship with their grandchild.”

“I ever tell you how proud of you I am, and how much I love you?”

She gave him a watery smile as she nodded. “Yeah. You’re really good at that.”

“You make it really easy. And yes, this may be their grandchild, but it’s our child. And if people want to be in their life, they have to earn it, no matter who they are.”

“Five bucks says Erica’s pregnant by Christmas,” she joked humorlessly.

“Ten says your parents are actually thrilled.”

Both ended up being right. They made their appearance Christmas morning and Erica busted out her news before the couple could hang up their coats. And the younger sister’s news didn’t end there, as she flashed her ring hand exuberantly. The entire breakfast was spent with Erica gushing over her pregnancy and following engagement while Mr. and Mrs. Parker beamed with pride of how wonderful it was that Erica would graduate, and become a wife and mother by the time summer rolled around. Vanessa left fuming that she’d never speak to her parents or her sister ever again. Finn wholeheartedly agreed, but knew his girlfriend would probably flip flop back and forth between wanting nothing to do with her family and wanting them in their child’s life.

~~~

“Are you ever gonna ask me to marry you?” Vanessa asked as they crammed together on the hospital to stare over at the bassinet that held the world’s most perfect little boy.

“I was,” Finn admitted.

“Past tense… Uh-oh…”

Finn gave a soft laugh as he kissed the side of her head. “I didn’t want you to think I was asking you because you were pregnant and it was the ‘right’ thing to do. When I ask I want there to be no doubt in your mind about why I’m asking. I won’t ask you if you think I’m only asking because you’re the mother of my child. I want you to know I’m asking you because I can’t imagine my life without you by my side. And when I think you know that, I’ll ask. Until then, I’m just gonna love you and Mason like crazy.”

~~~

“Finn? Finn. Finn!”

“Huh? What?!” Finn jumped in his seat.

“Were you even listening?” she asked, voice laced with annoyance.

“Yeah… the babbling… more stories. Library.”

She sighed.

“What?”

“I told you about the library having toddler time last week.”

“Oh… sorry. What were you saying?”

“I was saying,” she said in a clipped tone, “that we should try to get him in a routine.”

“Mase already has a routine,” Finn pointed out.

“No, but like even more of one. Like we can talk with Mom about getting her to do the same things with him at the same time every day when she watches him. And at home we can do the same thing. Says here that getting rid of any unpredictability can help kids with autism.”

“Mase isn’t autistic though.”

“No, the doctors say he’s too young to know for certain. But he definitely has signs we should be looking for. If they thought he wasn’t autistic, they would say he wasn’t and tell us to look for something else. Not being entirely sure isn’t the same as not being it at all, Finn.”

“Whatever… get him on a stricter routine then.”

She threw her hands in the air. “So you don’t even care? This is our son, Finn.”

“How are you mad at me for agreeing with you?”

“I’m not mad at you. I’m frustrated in general, and would like you to take this seriously.”

“I am taking it seriously!”

“No, you’re not!”

“Just because I don’t spend all my free time pouring over different studies that all conflict with each other like you do, doesn't mean I’m not taking this seriously, Ness.”

“I’m not expecting you to do the research with me! But I’d like it if you would listen to it.”

“I am listening! You want him on a stricter routine. Great. Do that then.”

“Ugh! Why are you so frustrating!”

“Because this is frustrating! You think it’s easy being told that my son will never be able to look me in the eye, or call me ‘Daddy’?! That I’ll probably never hear him say he loves me?! Just because I’m not struggling with this news the same way you are doesn’t mean I’m not equally heartbroken about this! Just because my coping is different than yours doesn’t make me a bad parent!”

“I never said you were!”

“You didn’t have to…” His chair scraped back as he stood up.

“Where are you going?!”

“We’re both way too worked up, so I’m leaving before we say something we’ll regret.”

“This is so fuckin’ stupid!”

“Oh look! Something we agree on!”

Vanessa swallowed the scream. She envied the way Finn could remain level headed, pick his words carefully, and even realize when he needed to walk away from a conversation. Being with him, she had picked up on some of those habits herself, but she knew she still struggled with wanting to give up the fight even if it was only to hit pause.

After ten or so minutes, she went in search of her boyfriend, finding him laying in bed with Mason, doing everything he could to get some sort of response from the almost two year old. “I’m sorry,” she started, crawling up onto the bed with them. “There’s a lot I’m frustrated about and I took it out on you. Forgiven?”

“Forgiven,” Finn nodded. “And I’m sorry too. I should have listened to what you were saying rather than drawing my own conclusions. Forgiven?”

“Forgiven.”

“Do you want to tell me what you’re frustrated about? Or would you rather move on and create a new routine for Mase?”

“It’s my family…” she sighed.

Finn held back on rolling his eyes. “Of course it is… What happened in the perfect Parker household this time?”

“Danny’s talking up a storm. Erica and Scott are planning their anniversary trip to Mexico or Europe or something.”

“And they asked about Mason?”

“Only to compare their two grandsons.”

“Well, I’ll take potty-training whiz over talkative anyday.”

Vanessa laughed at that. Mason had taken very quickly to potty-training, whereas her nephew, Daniel, showed no interest. “Yeah, Mom said we even woke up from our nap dry.”

“Great job, buddy!” Finn beamed at the small boy who was watching his parents intently. “You just want your words to count, huh? Too smart to waste time on nonsense babbling. Right?”

There was a twinge of fear in his last word as he looked over at Vanessa worriedly. She quickly nodded her head. “Of course. Man of few words, aren’t you, sweet boy?”

“You’re a great mom, Ness,” Finn said softly, reaching out to rub his thumb over the back of her hand.

“And you’re a great dad. We did everything right. Mason just is who he is and there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Exactly.”

While the words were right, it did little to soothe either of their raging thoughts. Thoughts about if they were doing right by their little boy. If they were doing right by each other. The smile they gave each other was weak and forced, and the way their fingers interlaced was far more out of instinct than anything else. They were running on fumes, they just didn’t know how to let go for fear of shattering the other one more than they were already shattered.

Finn told his mother about it one afternoon when he picked up Mason on a day Vanessa had to stay late at the office. “I love her. I do. I know I do. But… we haven’t been us in a long time. We’re fighting more. And I thought at first that it was just a rough patch. But…”

“But you’re both focused on Mase. And as much as you love him he’s a handful. Children require a lot of our attention. And it’s easy to lose track of other things. And it’s no one’s fault.”

“But I still love her.”

“No one’s denying that, sweetheart But, you can still love someone without actually being in love with them anymore.”

“I failed her, Mom… we’re not supposed to end like this.”

“Finn… listen very carefully to what I’m about to say. Some people aren’t meant to be together forever. There’s no shame in that. It doesn’t mean the relationship failed. It doesn’t even mean that the relationship was wrong or that the feelings weren’t real. People fall out of love and that’s okay. This isn’t ending your relationship with Ness. It’s just closing the romance chapter and starting the parenting one.”

“But I’m not ready to fall out of love with her…” he cried. “I don’t want this to be a chapter. It’s supposed to be the book.”

“Then try,” she encouraged. “Go out on a date. Get out of your heads and roles as parents and just be Finn and Vanessa again for a night. See if that helps. If it does, then keep doing that for yourselves every now and then. And if it doesn’t…”

“Then I have to let her go…”

“You have to let each other both go,” she corrected lightly. “It doesn’t mean you love each other any less. But you both deserve to be in love with someone, so you’re not doing anyone any favors keeping each other from that. You don’t want to wake up one day and resent Vanessa anymore than you want her to wake up one day and resent you. You’ve built a beautiful life together. And you can keep doing that. You just might have to change how that looks is all.”

“C-can you watch Mase on Saturday for us?”

“Of course, sweetheart. He can even spend the night.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

~~~

The night started out really nice. Finn felt himself smiling brighter than he had in a long while at the excitement in Vanessa’s eyes he’d missed seeing. But as the night wore on, the guilt sank in and so did the undeniable feeling that they just didn’t work anymore. Still, they couldn’t bring themselves to end their last night of pretending, dragging the moment into the wee hours of the next morning.

“You know I’m always gonna love you, right?” he asked, savoring holding her against him one last time.

“I know,” she nodded her head against his chest. “We’d do it all over again, right?”

“In a heartbeat.” His voice was soft and she felt a tear splash in her hair. “You’ve given me so much, Ness. I know it’s probably cheesy to say, but I’m a better man for having known you.”

“You’ve made me a better woman, and have given me just as much. You gave me a family.”

“We’re still family. I’m not going anywhere. We’re still a team. I still love you.”

“I know.” She kissed her way up his chest. “The only thing changing is that we’re no longer physically together. We didn’t give up on us. We’re making us better. Better people to each other, and better parents to our son.”

“Exactly. And hey, promise me something.”

“Anything.”

“Find someone.”

“Only if you promise to find someone too.”

“Pinky swear,” he nodded. They interlocked their pinkies, giving their fingers a quick kiss, sealing the deal. “No regrets.”

“Not a single one. I love you, Finn.”

“I love you too, Ness.”

__

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[let-me-love-you-loki]

Choices--A Waking Up in Vegas One Shot

A/N:This tells the story of the fight Seth and Mera talk about in Chapter 39 of Waking Up in Vegas. 

Seth/Colby, Evening, 8:43 PM

           It was just starting to get dark. The cicadas were out, and there was a train coming somewhere in the distance. The air was sticky and sweet with summer flowers and the Mississippi in the fading heat. Mera had her fingers laced with mine as we walked up and down the blacktop of the street where I lived. It was our version of a date since we were both broke, even though we both had jobs.

           “I miss the front yard matches,” she said on our second pass in front of my house. Her head was turned toward it, and the streetlight turned her gilded hair to a halo. “I wonder if we can get those tapes converted to DVD, you think?”

           I grinned and squeezed her hand. “Solid idea, Bear. DVDs are easier to copy. I can send them out to the indies.”

           She smiled a little and nodded. “I’ll email Mrs. Lawrence from school. See where they got the graduation DVDs done.”

           I tugged her against my side and pressed a kiss on the side of her head. “What would I do without you?”

           “Fall apart completely,” Mera replied, bumping against my shoulder.

           We walked along in silence for a while, tracing a well-worn path up and down Clark Street, through the loop in front of the community center and back around again. This was my favorite part of the day, walking with Mera Reynolds. Almost every day for ten years—ever since we were nine—we’d made the loop. At first, my older brother Brandon walked with us. Then, slowly, it became something just for the two of us.

           “So, I’ve been talking with my mom and dad,” I said, swinging our hands between us as we started around the community center circle. “About training more in Chicago.”

           She tucked her hair behind her ear. “Are they going to help pay for wrestling school?”

           “Kind of?” I stopped and reached over to take both of her hands in mine. She looked at me with those pure amber eyes like molten gold. I loved looking at those eyes. “Mom isn’t going to pay for wrestling school, but… she’s willing to put up the money for a place for us to stay. If we’ll agree to pay her back half of it.”

           Mera’s brows knit together. She tilted her head, watching me as if she couldn’t believe it.

           “I know it’s a lot,” I continued, kicking at the pavement with the toe of my shoe. “But it’s less for us to worry about, right? She and Dad are willing to pay for utilities too. You could transfer to one of the stores in Chicago so you’d keep your job.”

Mera, Evening, 8:55 PM

           It took a moment for the words to sink in. He was talking about Chicago. Moving to Chicago. And he was talking about it like we’d been planning this. Like it was something we’d decided on.

           “Bee,” I said, looking at a spot over his shoulder. The words caught in my throat, and I had to force them out. “I got in. To Iowa State. I got in on a full academic scholarship.”

           Colby stared at me for a while. He blinked, confusion clouding his deep brown eyes. A frown tipped his lips downward. “That’s great, Bear.”

           I sighed and leaned against the light pole. “You don’t look too excited.”

           “It’s just… how…” He ran a hand through his hair and looked around. “How can you be in Chicago and at Iowa State at the same time?”

           My head tilted back against the wood. I closed my eyes and breathed deep, begging for courage. “I can’t, Colby. I can’t…”

           He looked me over, chewing on his bottom lip. His brow furrowed in concentration. “But you can do online classes and stuff, right?” His eyes brightened and he nodded, as if the whole thing had been solved. “You can do it from Chicago.”

           Lead dropped into my stomach as I pushed away from the light pole and stood up. “I don’t want to go to Chicago. I want to go to college.”

Seth/Colby, Evening, 9:03 PM

           “You still can!” I insisted. “Lots of people get degrees online.”

           Mera crossed her arms and walked a few steps away. When she turned around, there was fire in her amber eyes. “I don’t want to do that! I want to go to college and live in the dorms and actually go to classes. I want football games and parties and college.”

           “But Mera… we’re going to Chicago,” I said. I felt my face twist in confusion. Why was she acting like this? “We talked about it. We decided.”

           “No, Colby,” she said, squaring her shoulders and taking a few steps back. “We might have talked about it, but you decided. You never asked me what I wanted.”

           I tried to close the space between us, but she kept moving. “This is what we’ve wanted for years, isn’t it? This was the plan. It’s always been the plan.”

           “Your plan!” she shouted back, her voice echoing down the street. She stormed off back toward my house. Halfway there, she stopped and whirled on me. “This is what you want, Bee. You’re the one who wants to go to Chicago. I want to go to college.”

           “You still can!” I shouted back, surprised to find I was angry. I caught up with her in a few steps. “Why are you being so difficult?”

           She let out a sound that was half snarl and half growl. “I WANT TO BE NORMAL!” Mera practically screamed the words in my face. Her eyes were bright, and her face was tinged red. “I don’t want to move to Chicago. But you never listen when I say so.”

           We’d reached my driveway. She stood a few feet away, looking for everything as if she were going to bolt and run. The thought made me simultaneously angry and terrified. “Say what you really mean, Mera! Say it!” I roared. I had the sudden urge to shake her, but I balled my fists up against my thigh instead.

           “I want you to listen to me,” she shouted back. “I have dreams too!”

           I paced, feeling my fingernails dig into my palms. “Come on, Mera. Say it! Get it over with!”

           She stopped, her eyes glistening with tears. “What do you want me to say?!”

Mera, Evening, 9:08 PM

           Colby looked me dead in the eye and snarled, “That we’re over!”

           There was an ache in my chest that felt like someone had reached in and ripped my heart straight out of my body. I felt sick. Like I was going to vomit. “That’s not…” I wanted to cry. “That’s not what I want!”

           He threw his arms out to his sides. “It sounds like that to me,” he yelled. Colby took two steps forward, crowding me toward the side of his mom’s car. “Sounds like you want out! Like you want a life without me!”

           “I never said that,” I shouted back. “I just want to go to college, Bee!”

           “Five hours away from me.” He interlocked his fingers behind his head. Suddenly, his face went red and I could see his jaw clench as his eyes filled with tears. “I can’t… I can’t do this without you, Bear. Please…”

           My heart broke even though I was still desperately angry. “Don’t. You don’t get to do that. I should get a life, too. I get to have dreams, too.” I pushed forward, my heart racing as he retreated back a few steps. “Not everything is about you, Colby Lopez!”

           I took a great gulping breath, afraid of the words that were boiling in my brain. They were on the tip of my tongue. When they came out, I was sure that everyone in Davenport heard. “If you think it is, then maybe we should be over!”

           Before I could say another word, the front door of his house banged open. His older brother, Brandon, and his mom, Holly came barreling out of the house, both looking worried. Brandon went straight to Colby and dragged him up the driveway toward the garage. Holly came straight down to me, reaching me just before I collapsed into a heap of tears on the blacktop.

Seth/Colby, Evening, 9:14 PM

           Brandon wrapped his arms around my waist and dragged me backward. The next thing I knew, my older brother had me pinned against the side of the garage, his forearm tight over my chest.

           “Relax,” he said firmly. “Relax.”

           I felt the anger rush out of me, quickly replaced by a feeling of loss and sadness. All I could think was that Mera was leaving… she was leaving me. She was going away. It felt like a punch to the chest. I gagged and slumped back, feeling dizzy.

           “Where’s Mera?” I pled weakly, trying to see down to the end of the driveway. Brandon was blocking my view.

           “With Mom,” my brother said simply. “And you need to get your ass in the house. The whole neighborhood heard you two shouting at each other. You’re lucky none of them called the cops… they just called us.”

           I felt sick. I could feel the vomit rising in my throat. Brandon struggled when I pushed hard at his shoulders, shoving him out of the way. I sprinted toward the grass and puked into the bushes, feeling like my guts were burning. My vision blurred and I sank onto my knees, head hanging, chin against my chest.

           “Did we break up? I don’t know if we… I need to talk to her. I need Mera,” I gasped, trying to get to my feet. Brandon stepped up, blocking my view of her. The tears felt like acid on my face. “Where is she?”

           Brandon shook his head. “You need to get a grip on yourself. Let Mom handle her.”

Mera, Evening, 9:16 PM

           Holly took me by the hand and pulled me to the end of the driveway. Then she wrapped me in a tight hug as I cried.

           “What’s he done, honey?” she asked soothingly. “What stupid thing has he done?”

           I only sobbed harder, thinking of the way we’d shouted and snarled and yelled at each other. Of how angry and vicious we’d both been. He was close by, but it felt like hundreds of thousands of miles.

           “He… I got into college, Holly,” I whimpered against her shoulder. “I got in and all he could talk about was Chicago.”

           “Oh, Mera, congratulations. I know you worked so hard for that,” Holly encouraged, kissing the side of my head. “I’m sorry my son is an idiot.”

           I sucked in a deep breath. “I think… I think we broke up…” My head throbbed and I could feel the heat rushing into my face. I was lightheaded. “I need to go home. I’m… I feel sick. I…”

           Holly pulled back and looked me over, cradling my face in her hands. Her eyes went dark with worry. “I see it,” she said, lightly touching the tip of her finger to my nose and cheeks. “Come on, sweetheart, I’ll walk you home.”

Seth/Colby, Evening, 10:58 PM

           The phone rang and rang. It went to her voicemail. Every text I sent went unanswered. She can’t be asleep, I thought as I paced my basement bedroom. I can’t sleep right now. How can she sleep?

           I tried again. And again. When she didn’t answer the twentieth call, I threw my phone on the bed and sank down against the wall. Mera had helped paint this room, even the portal to RVD’s place—though she’d looked at all of us like we were morons—when I moved down here. Now, all I could see was her name spray painted in the corner by the stairs.

           I didn’t mean it. I don’t want to lose her, I thought desperately, I can’t lose her. I didn’t mean it, Mera. I don’t want to be without you.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I whispered, my head held in my hands. “If you ever give me the time of day again, I’ll make it up to you. I swear.”

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[daggerzine]

Sohrab Habibion from SAVAK (and Obits, Edsel, etc.) fills in the gaps.

I first noticed the name Sohrab Habibion in the Sub Pop band Obits nearly a decade ago. He’d then gotten in touch with me a few years back when he sent me the last Savak record, Beg Your Pardon (the band’s 3rd). I did some backtracking and realized he was in the old DC post hardcore band Edsel, whose music I enjoyed. We got to talking and I realized this guy’s had a pretty interesting career and I needed to find out more. He was more than agreeable to an interview on the DAGGER site. Oh and dig this....he recently he began posting some videos that he took of shows in the DC area in the mid-80’s, which is discussed below. Let’s all thank our lucky stars that someone was there with a video camera at shows back then.

Back to SAVAK, they have recently released their fourth full-length, Rotting Teeth in the Horses Mouth (on the Ernest Jenning Record Co label, like the last few) and it’s a terrific record. The kind of post-punk that’s not afraid to pOp! and vice versa. So needless to say Sohrab had plenty to talk about. Let’s take a trip both down memory lane and back to the future as well.

Sohrab.... always pushin’ the hair products.

 Did you grow up in the DC area? If not how did you end up there?

I moved to the suburbs of DC in 1979. My mom and I drove through Hurricane David from my grandfather’s house in Leonia, New Jersey to Annandale, Virginia with all of our possessions in the back of a Chevy Chevette. We had just left Iran because of the Revolution and, after a short stay in Bergen County to gather ourselves and do some research, my parents decided that we would resettle in the DC area.

Do you remember what the first record you ever bought was? First concert?

First record: It was a cassette of Love for Sale by Boney M. Actually maybe that was a gift from a friend. Either way I think of it as my first-owned album. I quickly had the lyrics to “Ma Baker” memorized and never gave a second thought to just how weird the cassette cover art was. If you’re not familiar, perhaps imagine an S&M dungeon version of Ohio Players? As a 7-year-old I think it just didn’t register. More interesting is that the producer, Frank Farian, was also the guy behind Milli Vanilli. If you’re up for it, I recommend doing some Googling about Mr. Farian, who was born Franz Reuther just after the start of World War II in a German valley settlement once known as the “Town of Leather.” It’s good stuff, I promise.

First concert: A friend’s older sister drove us to the old 9:30 Club to see one of the club’s 3 Bands for 3 Bucks nights. I remember feeling pretty excited about being in a part of town I didn’t know and seeing all kinds of people I didn’t ordinarily see. This was probably 1983 or 1984 so it was heavy on the New Wave look. In the basement of 9:30, once you’d squeezed down the narrow flight of stairs, there were bathrooms as well as a small counter that sold records and tapes. I bought The Halloween Cassette—a WGNS comp with Gray Matter, United Mutation, Velvet Monkeys, Malefice, Bloody Mannequin Orchestra and others—and the Minor Threat record that compiles the first two 7”s. On our drive home the DJ on WHFS played the song “Minor Threat,” which we literally had in our hands, and the whole thing felt tremendously serendipitous.

During his tryout with the Washington Bullets (Elvin Hayes beat him out). 

At what age did you pick up the guitar?

One night my mom came home from a school fundraising auction with an acoustic guitar that she’d won in the raffle. I actually think it might be the only time anyone in my family has ever won a raffle. I was 13 or 14 and discovering that I was not as good of a baseball player as I’d hoped or wanted to be and the guitar felt more connected to my interests, so I started to teach myself chords and rudimentary scales. It wasn’t long before I was able to get an electric guitar and make a complete mess of sound in neighborhood basements with friends.

How old were you when the punk rock bug bit you?

Thirteen, I think. I’m pretty sure it was 7th grade. I didn’t know a lot about rock music. Having spent a chunk of my early life in Iran, I missed the boat on a lot of big, American rock’n’roll moments. I was 9 when I was first exposed to KISS by neighbors who were also in the Boy Scouts and so I kind of lumped all that costuming together and the whole thing seemed silly. Special badges and membership cards and various allegiances you were supposed to declare. I felt disengaged from a lot of things in the suburban culture around me, so punk made sense upon its arrival. It took some time to sort things out, like what made the Dead Kennedys good and The Exploited bad, but once that initial door opened, I never turned back. If anything it just opened additional doors to other subcultures and underground movements and marginalized artists and thinkers. Punk helped me recognize that my sympathies will always be with the disenfranchised, the unheralded, the amateur, the wandering tinkerer.

How and when did Edsel get together?

I met Nick Pelliocciotto and Geoff Sanoff (who wouldn’t be in Edsel for a few years) at a Government Issue show at the Hung Jury Pub. Nick and I briefly played in a band with Jim Spellman (Velocity Girl, High Back Chairs, Foxhall Stacks), but that fizzled out. So Nick and I were looking for a bass player when we saw Steve Ward play a cover of “White Rabbit” at a high school talent show. Nick and I agreed that Steve looked cool (he really did) and, when we ran into him in the parking lot, he passed our test by answering that his favorite DC band was Happy Go Licky. We started practicing in the basement of the house Nick, Jim Spellman and I lived in off Reno Road in the Cleveland Park neighborhood of DC. We didn’t know what we were doing. Nick played me a bunch of records I had never heard before and we would talk about various details in the music. He made me aware of the way certain things interacted, like the bass guitar and the kick drum. I’d never considered that. I was also unfamiliar with singing in a band, so was starting from scratch. A lot of it began as rhythmic sing-song-speak-howling that could be heard somewhat above the volume of the band. I’ll never forget recording our first demo at Inner Ear with Michael Hampton. When it came time for me to do the vocals we were all surprised by what they sounded like and Michael nicely said, “Why don’t we call it a day and you go home and work on some melodies that we can record tomorrow.” Ha! When Nick and I got back to the house we listened to a bunch of albums to get ideas for vocal melodies. The one that resonated with me was Midnight Oil’s 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and it helped me understand how you could take a simple line and move it around with chord changes. I didn’t figure out what phrasing was for some time to come, but that was the start. Thank you Michael, Nick and Peter Garrett.

How/when did you end up in NYC?

Well, it’s a circuitous story, but . . . Edsel toured a lot between 1993 and 1995. So much so that I moved back into my parents’ basement to avoid paying rent for a place I wasn’t going to be spending any time in. My folks are lovely and it was a fine arrangement, but I missed having an apartment of my own. On tour in Chicago I was presented with the opportunity of a cheap living situation in a city that I liked, so I moved there. I had this fantasy that the band could keep it together while being in 3 different cities—Geoff had moved to NYC and the two Steve’s were in DC. Not a chance. I had a good year in Chicago, working at the Empty Bottle and playing with different local musicians, but Edsel basically succumbed to inertia and I decided to move back to DC to make a solo record. My parents had a cabin in the Shenandoah Valley and I went there for a period of time with my 4-track and the hopes of discovering whatever my version of Leonard Cohen and Brian Eno might be. That didn’t happen, but I learned a lot about recording myself and making mistakes and stumbling on things I liked that I hadn’t intended. Around this point I got a call from Michael Hampton, who’d moved to New York City a few years earlier. He said his neighbor in the West Village had moved out and he wondered if I might want to take the apartment. I was feeling pretty untethered and the idea of giving Manhattan a shot was exciting, so in November 1997 I packed up my books and CDs and headed up here. I’ve since crossed the bridge over to Brooklyn, but have no plans of leaving. I love this city and all of its flaws.

How about Obits? I know Alexis was in Edsel….had you known Rick already?

Alexis played in Edsel for a few reunion shows we did in 2013, but he wasn’t in the original lineup of the group. I first met Alexis in 1985 when Lünch Meat, his band, played with Kids For Cash, my band, at my local community center. He and I also share a birthday and a similar sense of humor, so when he joined Obits after the departure of Scott Gursky, our original drummer, it was an effortless transition. I’d also played with Alexis in Girls Against Boys on a 2002 European tour that Eli couldn’t do. I was Fake Eli and got to play bass on some of my favorite GvsB tunes, which was a blast. Alexis has a humorous diary from that tour: http://www.gvsb.com/euro_diary/index.html

Here’s an excerpt just so you know it’s worth the clicks:

“scott has determined that we should get rid of all the equipment and excess drummers and bass players and just travel with a painted sheet (we in the biz call this a scrim). that way he could have a band painted on it and just cut out the head of the singer and stick his own head through. this would reduce overhead and be a whole lot less of a hassle than having squabbling bass players and drummers with no IQ whatsoever.”

Rick and I met at an art show of his in the summer of ‘99. In fact, in looking to clarify the year I came across this email I sent to a friend:

“Last night my friend Hiroshi took me to an opening of his friend Rick Froberg’s work in some unknown Lower East Side apartment/gallery. I was shocked at how incredible his stuff was. His etchings like Goya’s, his prints like a German expressionist and his paintings like a weird amalgam of Raymond Pettibon and Norman Rockwell. But everything was very original despite its familiarity. He gave me one of his prints and I actually ended up buying one of his paintings. I’m really excited about it.”

Funny thing is that on that European GvsB tour I was wearing a Hot Snakes shirt. Little could I have guessed that I’d be in a band with Alexis and Rick 10 years later. Or maybe I could’ve? Our behavior and patterns are probably more predictable than I’d like to admit.

Anyway, long and short of it is after meeting Rick we started hanging out and as Hot Snakes was winding down in the early aughts he proposed we get together and strum our guitars. We had a good time and kept at it until things started to take shape. Fast forward a bit and our friend Speck browbeat Rick into playing with her band, Orphan, at Cake Shop. That was early 2008 and the internet did us a favor by sharing a bootleg recording of our gig, which led us to signing with Sub Pop. Seems just as weird now as it did then, but so it goes! The band was a hoot to be in and we had a grand time, particularly touring. The trips we made to Europe, Australia, Japan and Brazil were fantastic. I never thought I’d be able to do that playing scrappy rock’n’roll music. All the people that we met, the local specialties that we ate and drank . . . and drank . . . and then ate some more. Unforgettable. Until I forget them. Then I’ll refer to the documentation.

Obits.....always ready to rumble (notice the switchblade comb in Froberg’s pocket). 

Tell me about the end of Obits and the beginning of Savak? Who came up with the name?

The end of Obits was a little unexpected. At least the timing of it. All bands end, so it wasn’t surprising in that regard, but we had a French tour planned and had been offered some East Coast dates with Mudhoney, so it was a bummer not to be able to do those. But it had been a cold and miserable winter and Rick had some family stuff to marshal, so it felt best to call it, which is what we did on April 1st, 2015. The April Fool’s part wasn’t intentional, but I liked that it happened that way, what with being in a band often feeling like a cosmic joke anyway. But we’re all still good friends and very much in touch with each other. Funny thing is we’d actually written a fourth record with two drummers, as Matt Schulz had started playing with us as well (we did one show with both Alexis and Matt, which was fun), so on my hard drive somewhere are the demos and jams for that, including covers of “The In-Crowd” (https://youtu.be/KYbwk26mYJA) and Beasts of Bourbon’s “I Don't Care About Nothing Anymore.” (https://youtu.be/IpWi4OxhJXY)

Towards the end of Obits I’d started getting together with other friends to make noise. I was playing with Greg Simpson and Matt Schulz, doing instrumental versions of Hooterville Trolley and Shadows tunes, and separately with Michael Jaworski and Benjamin Van Dyke, just bashing out riffs. I asked all involved if they would want to combine the two and everyone was into it. The nice thing was Michael and I got to write with two different drummers, which opened up new ideas, and for a band that was just getting the swing of our internal vocabulary, it helped jumpstart the mojo.

I can’t remember at what point we were talking about band names, but when Viet Cong couldn’t take the heat for their name and decided to change it I made a joke about calling our group SAVAK. Then the more I thought about it the more I liked it and the group was on board, so we ran with it. The Iranian side of my family was a bit perplexed and bemused, but they all understood that this was a rock’n’roll outfit and not some creepy tribute to the former secret police in Iran. I’ve come to appreciate how that type of band name is a good litmus test. With a moniker like SAVAK you can see who actually knows anything about global political history, but more importantly you immediately know that anyone who takes issue with it isn’t likely to be interested in or even be familiar with punk rock or underground culture. So that person’s opinion on the subject doesn’t hold weight for me and I’ll attempt to redirect to a different subject that could be entertaining to chat about, like food or wine or bicycle maintenance or John le Carré books or, I dunno, HTML/CSS?

Savak has been recording pretty consistently…how did the new record come together so quickly? Who came up with the title?

Michael Jaworski, the other guitarist, singer and co-songwriter, came up with the title of Rotting Teeth in the Horse’s Mouth. Apparently it appeared to him in a dream and, well, I just liked the way it sounded. Both in that it reminded me of the DK’s classic Fresh Fruit for Rotting Vegetables and as a play on the idiom “hearing it straight from the horse’s mouth,” since the current mouth we hear more often than is good for anyone’s mental health has enough proverbial rotting teeth to fill the mouth of a giant armadillo.

We worked on the album over a period of months. Sometimes we would get together with Matt Schulz, our drummer, and hammer stuff out. Other times either Michael or I would start something at home and build it from there. The main thing was to keep it feeling like a band had cut it together live, regardless of how accurate that may be on any given song. We started with 16 tunes, ditched 2 of them that weren’t as developed, and recorded the remaining 14. Then we picked the 10 that sounded the most cohesive for the album and the others will come out as singles later in the year. We spent many intensely focused hours editing, overdubbing and trying to really hone in on what each tune needed. I like discreet events in music and subtle details that may not make themselves evident for a few listens. A keyboard that only appears in the second verse or a backing vocal that’s buried deep in the right channel of the outro or a flanged cymbal crash at the top of the chorus. Stuff that doesn’t have to happen in the live version but makes the recording a little richer without being overbearing.

SAVAK, just before diving in. 

In Savak, re; the songwriting process, is it both you and Michael together or do you write independently?

There’s always a collaborative element. We each add or edit the other’s songs to some degree. That’s one of the things I really like about our partnership. We actively try to keep our egos out of the way. And while we may not share the exact same taste about every little thing, we trust each other’s sensibility. I think that willingness to let go of our own ideas makes them more interesting and strengthens the working relationship.

Tell us about working with Arto Lindsay?

Rick Froberg was employed as an illustrator at a web-based, digital media shop in SoHo called Funny Garbage and he helped get me a gig making music for cartoons and video games they were producing for companies like Cartoon Network. I had access to a recording studio on a floor above our office which was run by an incredibly talented musician/producer named Andres Levin. One day ‘Dre asked if I could work on a session with a friend of his for a gallery installation. It seemed interesting, so I agreed. The guy showed up with two pillow cases that he wanted to put on his arms and flap wildly in front of a mic. His idea was to pitch the pillow case recording down a few octaves and add a lot of reverb so it would sound like a giant bird was flying. I don’t remember if he was pleased with the results, but we had a blast trying, and it turned out that fella was Arto Lindsay. He got in touch with me soon after about recording his next album. I was direct about the fact that while I was brisk with the ProTools and could run sessions efficiently, I was not a real engineer who knew about microphone placement and how to apply compression, etc. He said that was fine and arranged to rent a recording rig for his apartment and we got straight to work with Melvin Gibbs, who is Arto’s writing partner, co-producer, and bass player. We made Invoke in 2002 and two years later we made Salt, once again doing the whole thing in his Chelsea living room. Arto’s a wonderful guy, as is Melvin, and we had a terrific time together. I also learned a lot. He has such a deep knowledge of avante garde music and art and a whole world of Brazilian culture that he can tap into. And Melvin is an incredible musician, so getting to see how he approached assembling Arto’s ideas was fascinating. He was also forgiving with the fact that a punker like me was trying to edit Brazilian rhythms when I was having an impossible time even identifying the first beat of the groove. There was a lot of, “Please just tell me where the ONE is.” Arto knows a wide array of people and the process of making a record with him was very much about getting it done, but not at the expense of the vibe, so if someone dropped by you’d just have to roll with it. Sometimes that person would bring their instrument and overdub on a song or two, so I had to figure out how to be flexible about the recording process to make sure it was gonna be smooth for all involved, regardless of if it was a violin player or a guy doing a percussion track using a cardboard box. I ended up calling Geoff Sanoff for advice quite a bit—to the point where Arto would joke, “Is it time to call Geoff?” Ha! But he knew the deal going in, so all was fine. The experience of making those records was great and I got to meet some interesting folks. Also my appreciation of Brazilian music completely exploded. An unexpected and super cool project with Arto, Debbie Harry and Mikhail Baryshnikov also came from that. Another side note: when we were recording Invoke there was a song which Arto wanted to get Animal Collective involved in. This was 2001 and they were still more of a record store employee kind of band, but Arto had a couple of their CDs (Spirit They’re Gone Spirit They’ve Vanished and Danse Manatee, I think) and was really into them. We arranged to go into Stratosphere Sound, the studio that was owned by Adam Schlesinger, Andy Chase, and James Iha, where Geoff Sanoff worked, and do the session there. They had an interesting way of working—they would manipulate all of the instruments, including live drums, and have everything run through their PA and then have Geoff mic the PA speakers. So the final thing was this gauzy, mushy, blur that was like a sonic paste. They totally knew what they were doing and I was particularly impressed with Noah/Panda Bear as a musician.

Speaking of legends, how did you begin collaborating with Michael Hampton?

First we should be clear that we’re not discussing “Magic” Mike Hampton AKA Michael “Kidd Funkadelic” Hampton. According to Discogs, the Michael Hampton I know is “Michael Hampton (3)” of Brief Weeds fame. He’s a few years older than me so I missed his days in SOA and The Faith, but I was a fan and saw him in Embrace and One Last Wish. I attended American University in DC and ran into him on campus, told him I also played guitar and suggested that we “jam sometime.” Knowing him now this detail cracks me up because I’m positive I freaked him out and that he was horrified by the idea of “jamming” with an arbitrary, long-haired frosh. Some time after Edsel started we asked Michael to help produce our demo, as we were clueless about the studio. And when he was in Manifesto our bands played together and we got to be better friends. After he moved to New York, it was he and his wife, Monica, who encouraged me to move here. They also introduced me to my wife. And for the last 15 or so years we’ve worked together on soundtracks for indie films, documentaries and commercials. I can’t recall how that collaboration first started, but I love working with Michael. He’s got a quick wit, so there’s lots of yucks involved, but he also has a remarkable knack for music composition and knows how to layer ideas for perfect cinematic effect. As a guitar player he remains one of my favorites. Michael’s distilled Bob Andrews from Gen X and Captain Sensible and George Harrison and all these choice rock’n’roll and punk players into something distinctly his own.

Somewhere in Madrid, Spain (Spain Radio Nacional) 

Tell us your top 10 desert island discs?

That’s tough. I’d like to ensure a bunch of different moods are covered, so let’s see . . . how about:

Hamza El Din - Music Of Nubia

Tsegué-Maryam Guèbrou - Éthiopiques 21: Piano Solo

Mark Hollis - s/t

Skip James - Today!

Charles Mingus - The Black Saint And The Sinner Lady

Mission Of Burma - Vs.

The Rolling Stones - Sticky Fingers

Television - Marquee Moon

The Velvet Underground - s/t

Wire - 154

Who are some of your favorite current bands?

Bed Wettin' Bad Boys, Cable Ties, Contractions, FACS, Gotobeds, Grey Hairs, Hammered Hulls, Hot Snakes, Light Beams, METZ, Mint Mile, Modern Nature, Patois Counselors, Pays P., Rattle, Skull Practitioners, Slum of Legs, Sunwatchers, Tanning Bats, TK Echo, The Unit Ama.

I know I’m forgetting stuff. There’s a ton of excellent music being made right now.

What’s next for Savak? Once the lockdown is over will you guys tour?

It’s hard to be certain about anything these days, but I do know we’re eager to play once the Javel water has cleared. My hope is that we reschedule our UK tour as well as the shows we had on deck with Archers of Loaf. We were also trying to coordinate a Japanese tour, which we’d love to do, so I’ll add that to the list.

In the meantime we have a couple of non-album singles coming out later in the year.

I love making music, so whatever form it needs to take to make it work given our circumstances I’m fine with. Wanna jam on our phones? Hit me up!

SAVAK’s new one- Rotting Teeth in The Horses Mouth

BONUS QUESTION:  Tell us about all of those shows you recorded in the 80’s and have been putting up on the Dischord page? Great stuff!

Thanks! My mom bought me a Sony Betacam in 1985. I honestly had no inclination towards videotaping anything prior to this, but I think she may have thought it was a positive thing for a teenager to get involved in instead of playing Atari or hanging out at the Orange Julius at the mall or whatever. So I had this camera and I started taping what I was doing, which was basically going to shows. I didn’t think much about it and I never watched the tapes afterwards, so just slowly built up a collection of recordings that sat in a box at my parents’ house for years. It wasn’t until James Schneider started working on what eventually became the Punk the Capital movie that the tapes were unearthed. Then Scott Crawford wanted to use them for Salad Days and had the genius idea of getting Dave Grohl’s production company to digitize them, as they wanted footage for that Sonic Highways show. So at Scott’s suggestion I sheepishly asked if it was something they could do and they immediately said yes. I was pretty stunned by their generosity. The tapes themselves are now part of the Punk Archive in the DC Public Library, which is both cool and hilarious. The idea of random stuff I videotaped when I was 15 being part of an institutional archive is pretty absurd. Now that I’ve got this extra pandemic time to spend in front of my computer, I’ve been editing down each set, adjusting the light balance so the footage is less murky and also remastering the audio so they sound better. The timing of the Dischord Records Fan Page on Facebook is fortuitous, as it provides a reasonably eager audience for what might have otherwise just been a few additional gigs of server space being cooled in a Google data center in Moncks Corner, South Carolina.

“Who you callin’ a low life?” 

www.savakband.com

www.savak.bandcamp.com

[justjessame]

Dr. Tali Sullivan Chapter 31

My parents seemed relieved when Harvey and I walked back into our house. He had Abi cradled into his chest, she’d fallen asleep on the ride home, exhausted from the visit and the lull of the car’s movement. I helped him take off her coat, trying to keep from waking her, and then brushed a kiss on her forehead before he took up back upstairs to her nursery.

“How did it go?” Dad asked, as I took off my own outerwear. I sighed, thinking that while it went well, it was still nerve wracking.

I led the way into the kitchen, wishing I’d taken the time to buy pastries from the place we’d met John and Mary. Getting the coffee on for Harvey and my parents, and popping a cup of water into the microwave for my own tea, I thought about my dad’s question. How had it gone?

“Fine,” I answered, pulling the tea tin down from the cabinet. “It went fine.”

I felt Harvey press into me as I started at the microwave timer ticking down. “Better than fine,” he propped his chin on the top of my head and wrapped his arms around my waist. “Tali kept her cool, she let them hold Abi, and then she said her goodbyes and walked away with her head held high.” Moving his chin, his lips pressed into my hair.

 “Mary was there?” Mom sounded shocked. Both of us nodded. “That takes some nerve.”

I shrugged, taking my cup from the microwave when it dinged. Dropping my teabag into the hot water, I reached for three cups. Harvey took the initiative to pull away and fill them, and then I took my cup and another to the table where my parents sat waiting.

As I waited for my tea to seep into the water, I watched my parents have a complete conversation with only their eyes and chuckled. When they looked at me, I was smiling. Harvey took my hand and I let our fingers link. “A really wise man told me that John needed someone with him, since it was a tense situation.”

 “Wise?” His dimples were teasing me, but the twinkle in his eyes made my heart skip a beat. “I just think he was afraid that you’d finally hit him like-”

“Like you did?” I giggled as my dad gave Harvey a look of approval. “That was yesterday, when he showed up here, Dad.”

Harvey was grinning into his first sip of coffee at the happy memory. I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter, none of it does. I kept up my end of the bargain, now he can.”

  And for the most part, John did keep his end up. He didn’t visit. He didn’t try to call. He did, however, write to Abi. Almost a letter a week, sometimes more. Cards, letters, and then gifts. As though, in her, he could rectify the fuck up he had in raising the boys.

I didn’t toss any of it, not the gifts or the letters. Instead, I packed them into a chest, telling Harvey that Abi could make up her mind about him when the time came. He looked like he agreed, and the months ticked past getting us closer to our second baby’s arrival.

 I was still teaching, but it was during my last class that more of my past decided to make an appearance. Dean and Sam, sitting at the top of the classroom, just inside the door as they had when they showed up to tell me John was missing all those years ago. And just like that time, I didn’t pause or acknowledge them during my lecture. Keeping up with the thread of my subject, I talked until it was time to say ‘goodbye’ to my students.

“Now, as you all know, I’m about to start my maternity leave.” The smiling faces that greeted the announcement made it easy to go on. My hand fell to my very obvious bump, and I moved away from the lectern. “You only have two more weeks of this class. And while I hate to force you to watch my lectures online, and I truly hate having to read all of your homework via email, it’s a small price to pay. You’ll still meet in this room for your final, which will be proctored by one of the many TAs running around campus.” Smiling around the room, I sighed a little. “If you plan on continuing your studies in this field, then I’ll see you in the fall. Have a good summer!”

With that they were dismissed, a few of my more eager students stayed behind to wish me well, but then even they were gone. As I started to gather up my belongings, knowing that Harvey would be by soon enough with Abi to get me home and settled in for the wait, I could see the Winchester boys start down to me.

“Dean,” I offered when they got closer. “Sam.” A small tip of my head, but my hands stayed busy gathering up anything that I didn’t want tossed in my office. “Kind of shocked it took you two so long to come visit.”

I was surprised. I knew that if John had found me, these two couldn’t have been far behind.

“Yeah,” Sam looked a bit uncomfortable, “if you want us to go-”

“You look good, Tali,” Dean cut in, his eyes raking over me and landing on my bulging stomach. “Happy.”

I smiled, and my left hand landed on the upper curve of my baby’s current residence absently, causing the diamond to flash on my ring finger. “I am. Happy that is.” I heard the classroom door open and my little girl calling out ‘mommy’ excitedly. “Ah, I think this is who you two really wanted to see.”

Harvey was carrying a wiggling little girl, still tiny but also full of two year old energy down the stairs, trying to calm her down so she didn’t fall. Once his feet hit the floor, he leaned down to release her and she charged at me, wrapping her arms around my legs and nearly knocking me over. ���Sorry, sweetheart, she’s been on the go and asking when we could come get you for HOURS.” He was smiling as he ‘complained’. “I mean, she made me miss Elmo’s World,” I had to laugh as my hands combed through her curls.

“Harvey, come meet John’s sons.” He approached, no wariness in his face since he could see how calm and easy I was in their presence. “Abi?” She tilted her head up and I saw that she’d put her thumb in her mouth when she finally realized that I wasn’t alone. It was her coping mechanism for dealing with the attention from strangers, and I booped her nose to get her to smile around it. “You want to say hi to Sam and Dean?” Her eyes were wide, but her smile held.

Harvey reached down for her again, knowing that I was more unwieldy by the day. “I know you,” he said, his own eyes going wide when he faced Dean. “Bret Michaels, wasn’t it?” I grinned, thinking that it wasn’t a huge surprise that Harvey had met a hunter or two in his line of work. “After meeting John, you calling me ‘dad’ makes a hell of a lot more sense.” He offered his hand and Dean stared at it for a beat before taking it. “Tali, this guy,” he shook his head. “Well, let’s just say that meeting him was an experience.”

“I bet it was,” I offered, finishing up with my packing. “Abi, say hello to the boys.” I looked up in time to catch her offer it around her thumb. “Sweetie, take out your thumb, please, and say it so they can hear it.”

She did, and I watched her brothers smile and offer their own greeting to the tiny person in Harvey’s arms. “Jesus, Tali, she looks just like-” Dean breathed, his hand reaching out and smiling when she took it in her tiny fist. “I thought she’d end up with your hair.”

Another laugh left me. “Well, maybe this one will,” Harvey’s eyes met mine and I saw how deep his dimples were. “If you’d like,” I wanted to ask Harvey first, but he seemed to know what I was going to say and his nod kept me going. “You could have dinner with us, it’ll give you some time to get to know her.”

Both of John’s sons looked shocked at the invitation, but recovered quickly and accepted. Harvey gave them our address, telling them that I should be home resting, and then we all went our own ways. He took my bag and the box of my school things after handing Abi to me. Unlike when he’d brought her into the classroom, she didn’t wiggle or fight my holding her. Instead she buried her head into my shoulder and sighed.

“Long day, princess?” I whispered into her curls, but she didn’t answer, I could feel her thumb return to her mouth and hoped that inviting her big brothers to dinner wasn’t forcing undue stress on her. “Let’s get home and mommy will get you a pouch of your favorite gummies?” I felt her nod, and smiled.

 Dinner wasn’t strained. Or awkward. Or weird at all. In fact, Harvey was far more relaxed around Dean and Sam than he’d ever been around John. Talking about Abi, about teaching, about how my life had returned to me kept us occupied during our meal.

Sam was on the living room floor, helping his sister build a tower with her blocks as Dean watched with a small smile. Harvey had me cradled back against his chest, our fingers linked and hands over my bump. Our little guy was kicking up a storm and one particularly hard movement had me hissing.

“Mommy?” Blocks and giant brother abandoned, Abi rushed over and put her hand under mine and Harvey’s. “Broder hitting again?” I smiled at her concern. One she had begun showing more and more after her second birthday a month earlier. Her little face got very close to my belly and she hummed one of her favorite songs. The Elmo’s World theme. “No hitting,” she whispered, and then kissed my bump and went back to her blocks.

“She’s protective.” Dean said, smiling at her bouncing curls. “Think that’s a family trait?”

“Only if she goes overboard,” I offered, smiling as she chattered at Sam, showing him where she wanted each block to go. “Bossy too, now that I KNOW is a family trait.”

 We said goodbye to them as night fell. Abi kissing her new giant friend, Sam, on the cheek and then offering her small hand to Dean. “Why do the ladies always like you more, Sammy?” He winked at Abi and made her giggle. “I hope we can-”

“Anytime,” I offered, and Harvey agreed. “I think she likes the two of you.”

“Course she does,” Dean offered, swagger returning with a vengeance. “What’s not to like?”

Harvey was laughing as he took Abi back in the house, giving me a moment alone to say goodbye. “Thank you both.” I said, smiling up at them. “I know it wasn’t easy to NOT come before now.”

“We didn’t want to force it, Tal.” Sam was smiling down at me. “It was always your choice.”

Dean nodded, then pulled me into a hug. “I still have your letter, Tali.” It was a breath in my ear, and I jerked my head to show I’d heard him. “I missed you.” He pulled away and I brushed an errant tear away. “It’s weird as fuck to see you with a guy who looks exactly like-”

I slapped his arm and the sadness washed away. “Looks can be deceiving,” I hugged Sam and when I pulled away, I was smiling. “Besides, who says only men can have a ‘type’.”

I waved to them from the porch as they drove away in the Impala. And I felt more content knowing that Abi would have her brothers coming and going. She should have all the love in the world. And Dean and Sam would be more than willing to show her that love.

[ehstarwar]

the gentler gamester is the soonest winner (2/4)

Looking very debonair in dark jeans and a too-tight sweater stretched across his wide chest, is an exasperated man, formerly known a Seat Thief. Otherwise known as Ben.

Oh, fuck.

-

Rey and Ben find out they have some mutual friends. (Shocking, I know.)

-

Rating: Teen and Up

Word Count: 2K

Read on AO3

Notes: it's awkward silences! it's a lot of blushing! it's... The Angst™

Chapter 2: to mourn a mischief that is past and gone

-

“This equation is wrong.”

“What? Where?”

“The variable is in the wrong place, I think.”

“I’ll email Skywalker,” Rey says. Finn continues onto the next problem as Rey thinks of a polite way to tell a professor with an ego the size of Coruscant that he got something wrong. Poe takes a loud sip of a frappuccino that ran out about three sips ago. Rey looks up to give Poe a pointed glare when she sees his face look behind her shoulder and light up. 

 “Benji!” Poe shouts, waving his hands. Rey is used to Poe’s… eccentric behavior, even has come to like it on occasion, but this isn’t that time. Rey is prepping for her onslaught of midterms, trying to figure out how she can squeeze more hours in at the coffee counter without any more hours in the day, and hoping that she can stretch her clean underwear until next week. 

In short, Rey does not have time to make pleasantries with the, most likely, similarly eccentric person Poe is about to introduce to them. Rey glances behind her shoulder and feels her stomach drop.

Looking very debonair in dark jeans and a too-tight sweater stretched across his wide chest, is an exasperated man, formerly known a Seat Thief. Otherwise known as Ben.

Oh, fuck.

Rey snaps her head back around, trying to come up with a way to inconspicuously brush out her greasy, one-too-many-days-of-dry-shampooed hair. She prays that there are no rogue grease stains on her clothes from her shop class and vows to do her laundry as soon as she gets home. 

“Guys, this is my friend Ben. I don’t think you’ve met him. He refuses to come to my parties because he has a pole up his tight ass,” Poe says. Ben has now walked up to the table, looking cool and calm in a way that makes her want to die. 

“Ugh, hi Poe,” He says curtly. Rey thinks for one minute that perhaps he doesn’t recognize her, probably from lack of throwing daggers with his eyes at her during class, but it proved wrong. “Rey,” Ben says nodding towards her.

“Hey,” Rey says, voice breathless. 

“How do you know each other?” Poe asks, taking another sip from his cup. Rey resist the urge to slap it out of his hands. 

“Rey is in Ashoka Tano’s class that I’m helping out in,” Ben explains. 

“Oh, the one where that guys keeps stealing your seat?” Finn pipes up. Rey would very much like armageddon to happen right. fucking. now.

“That was actually just a misunderstanding on my part! Not a big deal really; we sorted it out,” Rey pipes up, her voice octavos higher than usual. Both Finn and Poe give her an odd look, but ben just chuckles. “Um, how do you know Poe?” She asks Ben.

Ben opens his mouth to start explaining, but Poe beats him to it. “Oh, Benny and I go way back. Our parents are old friends. How’s your Mom doing? I haven’t seen her around the office for a few days.”

“She’s fine. Vacation with my Dad for their anniversary,” Ben says.

“I thought they were divorced?” Poe asks.

“They are.” Ben’s deadpan voice makes Rey let out a nervous chuckle.

After a tense moment Finn clears his voice and Poe pipes back up. “This is our friend Finn. You’d of met him already if you ever answered any of my texts.” A terse silence falls over the group after Finn and Ben shake hands, and Ben looks down at her, mirroring Rey’s discomfort.

“Well, I’ll… see you around then,” Ben nods before walking off. Rey wants desperately to get back to studying, but leave it to Poe not to know when to shut up.

“That was weird.” He looks over at Rey. “Why was it so weird between you two?”

Rey huffs, refusing to make eye contact. “It’s not weird between us.”

“Um, yes it is.”

“No, it’s not.”

“It totally is-”

“Are you five years old? It’s not weird and that’s that.”

“Ooookayyyy…” Poe drawls.

Rey tries to focus on her work, but can’t help and glance over to where Ben wandered off. She wonders if Poe was right, if it was weird. It shouldn’t be, should it? The air was clear, the seat stealing was all but forgotten, they even had a little flirt. 

But it does feel weird, although she’ll never admit that to Poe.

Rey decides that no work will get done under these conditions and begins to pack up.

“Where are you going?” Finn asks when she shuts her laptop. 

“I’m just not in a studying mood right now.”

“Rey-Rey, is this about the thing with Ben? I’m sorry for bringing it up-“

“It’s really not, Poe. No worries, really.” Finn and Poe share an unconvinced look so Rey gives them her best mega-watt smile to appease the situation. She thinks, perhaps, that it just makes her look like a lunatic.

“Okay, well… we’ll see you at home?” Finn asks. Rey flashes him a thumbs up before marching on.

-

A quick detour later, Rey finds Ben on the second floor in the library, pouring over a book that is at least four times her age. He looks every bit the studious literature professor that could be found in the library at four o’clock on a Friday night. She tries not to find it so endearing.

As she approaches him, Ben looks up at her and a wide smile spreads across his face. She tries not to find that so endearing as well. (She fails spectacularly.)

“Hi,” He breathes. Rey stick out the small paper bag in her grasp. Ben’s brow knits in confusion.

“It’s an apology scone,” Rey clarifies. 

“That’s really unnecessary, Rey, honestly-”

“Actually it is necessary, for me, at least. I was very mean to you in my head, like shakespearian-level-insults-mean. You accepting this would help ease my mind tremendously. It’s really more of a favor to me, so: take it.” She pushes the bag even closer to him.

Ben laughs, a real, hearty laugh that makes something in Rey sing.

“I’d hate for you to live with this guilt, so,” Ben takes the package, “thank you.”

Rey beams at him. She’s overcome with the urge to sit down next to him and tell him about her day then ask him every question she could possibly think of when she realizes that she did not plan this far.

Obtain apology scone: check.

Present apology scone: check.

Her fool proof plan did not account for how much she didn’t want to leave after giving him said scone, so now she’s standing next to him unsure of her next move. 

“Do you wanna…?” Ben gestures vaguely to the table and Rey is seated across from him before he can finish speaking. She hopes the little chuckle he gives is more at her actions than at her. 

“Are you a grad student?” Rey asks, desperate to move on from the long, awkward pauses that seem to plague her day.

“PhD candidate, actually. In literature. Thats why I’m assisting Dr. Tano,” He explains. 

“Oh wow. How long does that track take?”

“About four years to complete just for the doctoral. I have about a year left.”

“Me too! I mean, in undergrad. Not PhD. I don’t think I could handle another four years of school.”

“What’s your major?”

“Civil Engineering.”

Ben’s eyebrows raise. “Very impressive.”

“It’s really not… but thanks. I’m not sure Professor Skywalker would agree,” Rey laughs. A darkness crosses Ben’s face that make something twist unpleasantly in Rey’s gut.

“That’s not surprising.” Ben says, voice low. This would be an excellent time to practice the self-restraint Rey is always meaning to work on, but her mouth works before her brain does.

“You know him, too? Professor Skywalker?” She ask.

“Ugh, yeah. He’s my uncle.”

Rey is sure her confused face is, in fact, the least attractive thing she could be doing right now, but she can’t quite help it. 

“Wow, that’s… crazy that we’ve never met before. I mean- we pretty much run in the same circles,” Rey says. Ben runs a hand through his hair and shrugs.

“I don’t really hang out with them… or anyone, really. They all were pretty pissed when I chose FO instead of Chandrila for undergrad.”

Oh.

“Oh.” The silence is awkward but she’d choose that instead of automatic reaction of calling him a villainous, uncaring, republican snake that she assumes everyone who comes out of First Order University is. 

But he’s not. He’s Ben. Her mentor’s nephew. Her best friend’s childhood friend. Her favorite teachers TA. The guy who has been super cool and nice when he could’ve been a total and complete ass and gotten away with it.

“Well, it’s nice that you came back. You should, you know. Hang out with them again, I mean.”

“You think?” He looks at her cockeyed, and Rey hopes she’s not blushing too hard when she responds.

“Yeah! Because… I hand out with them. So we could hang out, together. It would be… nice.”

Rey swears she sees the tips of his ear turn red and is unable to kid herself on how endearing she finds that.

“Yeah… nice.”

They look at each other for a long moment and Rey tries to ignore the plushness of his lips and constellation of moles and the twitch in his lips that she’s come to assume his his version of smiling. 

And then, once more, a bomb.

“Ah, there you are Ben! Do you have the 100 level assessments from last week?” Dr. Tano’s voice breaks them out of their reverie and Ben begins to shuffle through his meticulously organized folders. “Oh, good evening Ms. Niima.”

Rey swallows the lump in her throat. Dr. Tano doesn’t seem to notice anything going on between Ben and herself, not that there is anything going on, but Rey still feels like the kid who got caught with their hand in the cookie jar. 

“Ms. Niima were just going over her midterm,” Ben lies as he hands Dr. Tano a stack of papers. Based on his response, at least Rey knows Ben feels the same way.

“That’s very admirable of you, Ms. Niima. But don’t let Ben take up too much of your Friday night,” Dr. Tano says. Rey laughs a little too hard and it sounds unconvincing even to her own ears.

“I was just leaving actually… I’ll see you in class, Dr. Tano. Um… goodnight.” Rey quickly swings her backpack on and shoves the chair back under the table before either of them have a chance to respond.

Rey does spare a glance back towards Ben when she reaches the door. Dr. Tano is speaking to him, something probably important, but Ben is focused on her. 

She exits library and tries to pretend that the clenching she feels in her heart is just temporary and has nothing to do with Ben. 

(Unfortunately, Rey is smart enough to know it does.) 

[livsoulsecrets]

Nicotino College AU - Chapter 29: Buon Viaggio

Masterpost

Previous Chapter

Summary: Niccòlo attends the music school and is friends with Filippo, who started helping at the photography course after getting famous for his lgbtq+ activism as a photographer and youtuber. Marti is studying journalism in the same university and is convinced by Filippo to attend the photography course mister Boccia and Filippo himself are offering. Marti turns out to be terrible at it and needs Nico’s help to make a perfect final project to get approved.

June 25th

📱-> Marti’s search history

June 26th

07:11

Marti helps Nico put on the table. Then, Nico starts messing with his kitchen’s ingredientes to make what he claims to be an omelet. Marti has to admit it looks nothing like it, but he decides to let him be and starts making some coffee.

It’s the best Wednesday morning he has had in a while, he is sure.

Nico is going through Spotify for the tenth time, trying to find the “perfect breakfast song”. He finally sets on something and excitedly turns to Marti.

― Listen, do you recognize this song? ― Nico asks, resting against the kitchen balcony. Marti payed attention to the initial chords and quickly remembered the song. He rolled his eyes, a bit astonished that Nico could actually like it.

― I can’t believe you put Buon Viaggio on. Are you giving up on your music degree or what? ― Marti says and this time Nico is the one that rolls his eyes.

― Shut up and enjoy it. ― Nico says, turning the oven off. He goes to Marti, putting both of his hands around his neck while he sings along to the song. Martino tries his best to stay serious, but before he realizes he is laughing between their kisses.

Nico looks even more adorable being so excited over the course of the song, so much that Marti is humming along with him before he can think it through. Nico is delighted by the whole thing, Marti can tell.

— You know what I just remembered? You need to handle Boccia your project today, right? — Nico says when their singing dies off a bit and Marti nods, agreeing with him.

— Our project. — Marti corrects him and Nico gives him a peck, a mere brush of their lips, as a thank you. — I have until this afternoon to send it over email to Boccia. There’s only one little problem: I still don’t have a title.

— Really? — Nico crooks an eyebrow. — To be honest, I completely forgot this part of the assignment.

— Me too. — Marti laughs, him and Nico standing side by side next to the kitchen balcony. — I don’t know, it’s really important to me that the title makes sense. It has to mean something, I don’t want it to be something artificial, but if I don’t think of anything until the afternoon… I guess I will have to put a shitty name on it.

Nico stays silent, a hand going through his hair while Buon Viaggio continues to play in the background until his face illuminates with a smile, the wide open, shiny, warm one Marti can always tell it is real because it comes from deep within Nico.

— Okay, I have an idea. Not sure if it’s too cheesy or, I don’t know, shitty like you said. — Nico sounds uncertain, so Marti kisses his cheek in reassurance.

— No idea of yours is shitty. Come on, tell me.

— Tu tu tu tu… Share the love, share the love… Share the love, share the love! — Nico sang along to the song in the background, kissing Marti in the meantime, making the two of them smile like idiots.

— Are you for real? — Marti asked, just to be sure. Deep down, he kind of liked the idea.

— What happened to “no idea of yours is shitty”? — Nico laughed against Marti’s cheek, tickling his face.

— I meant it. Surprisingly enough, I think it’s a pretty good title. It makes sense if you think of it. — Marti explained himself. — It’s about lgbtq+ pride after all. And through the photos we took we are sharing all types of love and identities with the world.

Nico smiled while Marti talked, looking pleased with himself.

— Okay, so I guess the project is officially done now! — Nico said, smiling at him. — Can you believe it? It passed by so fast.

— Too fast, if you ask me. I had so much fun. And I met you. — Marti said, remembering how many things had happened during this month.

— That was my favorite part as well. — Nico complied.

Martino was brought back to the first time he had saw Nico. Not in that cafe they met to discuss the project, but before, during the musical recital he watched Nico play before he even knew his name, how captivated he had felt by Nico’s passion while he played the piano.

— Did you know I was hesitant at asking you for help at first? — Marti revealed. Nico was surprised to hear of it by the way he crooked an eyebrow. — I guess I was a bit embarrassed. Filo was in the phone with me for half an hour until he convinced me to do it. I guess I own all of this to him. — Marti gesticulated between the two of them and Nico tilted his head, a bit confused.

— I guess we do own him. But… Why were you so embarrassed?

— Uh, that’s a funny story. — Marti laughed nervously. — I had seen you before all of this project thing. In one of your recitals on our college. The one the music students did to raise some money for one of the charitys Filo works with. I think it was for the Gay center. I remember watching you play the piano, so… Peacefully, I guess. Who knows? Maybe I already liked you and I didn’t want to make a fool of myself. — Marti didn’t add Nico looked like an angel because he still had some self control left, but the words almost left his mouth either way when Nico looked at him with the widest grin in his face.

— Oh, Marti… You’re… — Nico couldn’t finish either of the sentences so he just kissed Martino again, their lips crashing onto each other in a familiar way. — You get me, you know? Like no one else does. I guess you saw it before you even met me, how music is one of the few things that calms my mind. When I’m playing… It’s like the whole world is silent even if it’s just for a little while, just enough for me to catch my breath in the middle of the turmoil my mind gets turned into sometimes. You remember all those weeks ago when I told you I couldn’t picture myself studying anything other than music? That I went as far as going against my parents to do it? It’s because of that. It’s what brings me peace in the middle of any storm.

— Do you remember I said you were brave for doing that? I stand by my point. If anything, now I think you’re even braver than I imagined. — Marti hoped Nico could understand what he was trying to says: that Marti saw him differently now that he knew about BPD, but that it wasn’t in a bad way. Now that Marti knew the truth, he could only feel prouder of Nico’s strength.

— You are too good with me.

— You might just have to get used to it. — The way Nico nodded before saying anything else, taking some time to think showed he knew what was behind those words: They still had a lot to talk about, many things to figure out, but they were on that together. They would be fine as long as they kept being good to one another.

— I can do that. — Nico finally said. It was the answer Marti was hoping to get.

📱-> Marti

📱-> Nico’s Instagram post

📱-> Marti

Next Chapter

[amehanaaa]

How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days

The Nalu fluff makes my heart squeeze. This has gotta be my favorite chapter just because of that reason tbh.

Thank you to everyone who has been reading this story! You mean more to me than you’ll ever know. (Also can be read here.)

Chapter 7 – Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6 Words: 4713 Summary: Lucy and Natsu are determined to take the necessary steps to fulfill their lifetime dreams. Little do they know, they have both given themselves 10 days to achieve it. 

Lucy nearly forgets where she is the next morning. Her eyes open to a spinning ceiling fan as she lies on her back. Because of the weight next to her, she is caught in the middle of the bed.

She wants to stretch her arms in the air but is pressed down on the firm mattress. She hears sleep-induced mumbles beside her. While she turns her head to the sound, she has to suppress her yelp.

Natsu’s face is centimeters away, securely trapping her with a protective arm draped over her waist. She isn’t sure if it’s worth moving since it’d probably wake him up. However, the urge to empty her bladder is too much to ignore.

Little by little, she attempts to shift to the side of the bed. If she is careful enough, his arm should slide off her waist. Her leg loosely dangles off the bed when she hears him stir. She freezes and sneaks a glance at him, but it’s too late.

“Running away?” Natsu asks, his deep voice soaked in seven hours of sleep. He sets her free by using his hands to rub his eyes. Once he’s finished, he sends her a gentle smile.

Lucy’s heart has never softened faster. Although he has the worst bedhead she has ever seen, his sweet smile is enough to make up for it.

“Your eyes are lighter in the morning,” she says with her voice also rougher than usual.

“Yours are, too.” He reaches over and pokes her forehead, causing her to giggle.

“I don’t remember the last time I didn’t wake up to an alarm,” she admits.

“Same, actually,” he agrees. “Should we look at the time?”

Lucy lifts her head to look over Natsu and at the clock. As her eyes read the time, she presses her lips together and shakes her head.

“Do I want to know?” he asks.

“You don’t,” she responds. Now that her bladder is about to burst, she sits up and stretches her arms above her head.

Natsu watches her, noticing how the sunlight sparkles across her skin. He feels the desire to reach out and touch her but doesn’t get the chance due to her scampering away.

By the time she is back from the bathroom, he has already made the bed. After taking his own look at the clock and reading that it’s almost eleven, he didn’t want to waste any more time.

“Oh, thanks,” she says after seeing the bed.

“No problem.” He holds onto a stack of his clothes. “You can get dressed in here. Once we’re ready, we can get breakfast somewhere.”

“More like lunch,” she comments.

Natsu chuckles. “Yeah, that sounds better, anyway.”

After he closes the door, Lucy reaches for her phone to check for the weather. However, as she turns on her phone, she is met with a flood of text messages from Levy, emails from Erza, and social media notifications.

“It’s going fine,” Lucy texts Levy back. “I’ll tell you everything when I get back.”

She ignores Levy’s immediate responses while getting dressed. She wants to remind Levy that it was her idea for them to have quality time without distractions, but she decides to not reply.

“You can come in,” Lucy calls out once Natsu knocks on the door.

Once he enters the room, the two stare at one another for a few seconds. They simultaneously release a laugh.

“How did we end up matching?” he asks with amusement.

She shrugs with her own entertained smile. Lucy wears a baby blue blouse while Natsu wears a baby blue t-shirt. They also both wear dark pants; they look more like a couple than ever before.

“We can leave now.” He beckons her to follow him downstairs.

“Wait, Natsu,” she stops him. “Do you think we could leave our phones here?”

She isn’t sure how he’s going to react as he pauses. Her eyes follow him as he takes his phone out of his pocket and tosses it on the bed. She grins and does the same.

“As long as one of us has a watch, we’ll be fine,” Natsu says as they go downstairs.

The air feels fresh on their skin when they step outside. Even though they’re still in Magnolia, the weather here is much cooler.

“We’re not far from the beach,” Natsu explains, answering her thoughts.

“I’ve never been on this side of Magnolia,” Lucy admits.

“You’re in for a treat, then,” he responds as he hops on the bike. “I haven’t been around in a while, so some parts will be new to me, too.”

Joining him on the bike, they move at a much more relaxed speed. Natsu does it on purpose, so they can take in their surroundings as they drive. It’s not long until they enter a parking lot to a diner.

“You love diners, don’t you?” she points out as he parks.

“I’m old-fashioned, remember? This diner is the reason why it’s my favorite.”

Lucy’s expectations instantly increase as they open the door to the diner. The entrance bell has only rung twice when Natsu is recognized by the workers.

“Welcome back, Natsu,” a waitress approaches them with a warm smile. “Who is this you have with you?”

“Hey, Mirajane. This is Lucy.”

Lucy mindlessly blinks as she connect gazes with the waitress. She is blown away by how stunning she is.

“Hi, nice to meet you,” Lucy eventually returns to her senses. She gives Mirajane a handshake, glancing at Natsu to already find him nodding.

“Go ahead.” He waves her off. “Ask her all the questions you have. I’ll get us a table.”

“Thanks.” Lucy can’t hold back her excitement. “How long have you been working here, Mirajane?”

“Almost ten years now,” she responds, reflecting on the number as she speaks. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

The number also catches Lucy by surprise. “How old are you?” she blurts out.

“I turn 28 at the end of this year,” Mirajane answers. “I started working here as soon as I graduated high school. I needed to look after my siblings instead of going to college.”

“How many siblings do you have?” Lucy asks.

“I have a younger brother and sister.” Mirajane’s eyes light up as she mentions them. “They’ve already finished school, but I decided to just stay and work here. Lisanna lives with me, anyway.”

Lucy pauses, recognizing the name from a few days ago. She searches her memories until she remembers that it was Gray who said that name—she is the one who Natsu broke up with in college. At the time, Lucy didn’t care too much. But now, she can’t help but wonder about his past life.

“Do you want to do anything else?” Lucy questions before her mind wanders too far away.

Mirajane hums, tapping her cheek in thought. “That’d be nice. I haven’t thought much about it, since I love Lisanna too much to move away.”

“There’s plenty of work in Magnolia,” Lucy tells her. “Would you ever want to do modeling?”

“I’ve considered that, actually,” Mirajane nods. “How did you know that? Did Natsu tell you?”

“No, I just thought it’d suit you,” Lucy assures. “I’m sure an opportunity for you to model will come up if it’s meant to be.”

“I receive that!” Mirajane proclaims. “I should look into it. Thank you for taking the time to get to know me, Lucy. I need to go back to working now.”

“Thank you for letting me ask you questions.” Lucy sends her a smile. With a wave, she joins Natsu at the table.

“I’ll never understand your interest in strangers,” he scoffs as she slides into the booth.

“There’s too much to not be interested in,” she shoots back.

She directs her eyes to read the single menu that they share. Although the words for Natsu are upside down, he doesn’t mind. He already knows exactly what he wants.

“The sandwiches here are better than the other diner we went to,” he mentions, hesitating before he finishes. “All of them have meat in them, though.”

“I want to try them,” she responds, causing him to lift a brow.

“You don’t have to—”

“I don’t care if it messes with my digestion,” she interrupts him. “I want to try them.”

Natsu nods in understanding. Lucy looks up to send him an assuring smile, stopping for just a second. As the sunlight pours through the windows diner and illuminates his features, her heart squeezes. He’s beautiful.

She clenches her fists under the table. If there’s anything that she wants to do right now, it is to come clean with everything—from white lies to blatant lies. She wants to tell him that this is the real her. The girl who cares for others, wants to try everything, and isn’t as self-centered as he has seen her to be.

But most of all, she wants to apologize for everything she has put him through.

However, she forces herself to swallow back her apologies. It would be best to tell him once the ten days are over. That way, there wouldn’t be a reason to see each other again. With that in mind, Lucy decides it would be best to cherish these next three days.

Soon enough, Mirajane sets two plates on the table. Natsu and Lucy send her a grateful smile before digging in.

“Wow,” Lucy gasps as soon as she takes her first bite. “This chicken sandwich is amazing.”

“I’m glad you like it,” he says in between bites. “I used to come here all the time in college.”

“With Lisanna?” she asks before she can stop herself.

Natsu pauses mid-chew. He slowly begins to nod. “Yeah, it was our weekly thing to do together. Mirajane would give us discounts after a certain time.”

Lucy takes another bite of her sandwich. It’s easy to slip into jealousy, but she prevents herself from doing so. She wants to not only know Natsu’s past, but also understand it—just like she would with anyone else.

“Did you always get the Italian?” she asks.

“I used to get something different every night,” Natsu answers. “But once I met the Italian, I couldn’t go back.”

A laugh escapes Lucy’s lips. “It’s definitely one of the best.”

There’s a beat of silence between them as they eat their sandwiches.

“How do you always do that?” Natsu asks randomly.  

“Do what?” Lucy tilts her head curiously.

“When you ask questions, you never judge the person’s answers.” Natsu’s eyes swirl with admiration as he speaks. “You always make the person feel accepted by your follow up responses.”

Heat crawl up her neck at the affirmation. “I-I’m just curious about everyone.”

“It’s not a bad thing,” Natsu guarantees. “I really appreciate that of you.”

Lucy can’t help but avert her gaze back to her sandwich. She raises her eyes when he speaks up again.  

“How about we check out the pier after this?”

“Let’s do it. When was the last time you went?”

“At least three years ago. I’m sure a lot has changed.”

Both of them are eager to head towards the pier, so they speed up their eating. Once they have finished their meal, Lucy makes sure to leave a generous tip on the table for Mirajane.

As they cruise to the pier, they can feel the breeze of the ocean. Even better, the pier is only occupied by a handful of middle-aged women out on early afternoon walks. This gives Natsu and Lucy plenty of space to drive around.

They eventually stop at a bench that faces the water. Setting the bike on park, the two sit and gaze at the water.

“I feel like I can stare at the water for hours,” Natsu reveals, his eyes settled on the waves crashing against nearby rocks.

“It’s so refreshing,” Lucy breathes out. “I can hardly believe we’re still in Magnolia.”

They continue to view the soothing ocean, basking in a comfortable silence. They’re both relieved neither of them brought their phones.

Knowing herself, Lucy would want to take plenty of pictures. Knowing himself, Natsu would ask a question about the ocean that would cause him to search up some facts.

Without their phones, they have no choice but to focus on the present moment in front of them. Neither of them can remember what it was like to simply be like this.

“Hey,” Lucy speaks up after a while. “Why don’t you teach me how to ride your motorcycle?”

Natsu laughs before he can stop himself. “You think you could?”

“It’s like riding a bike, right?” she remarks, standing up from the bench and examining the bike.

“That’s your first mistake.” He places his hands on his hips and stares at her mindless pokes at parts of the bike. “It took me months until I got the rhythm of riding it.”

“Because of your motion sickness?” Lucy cracks a grin.

Natsu gapes at her. “Who told you—Oh, wait. How do you even remember someone told you that at the station?”

She sends him an oblivious shrug. “Well, I don’t have any problems with motion sickness. And I’m open to new experiences. Let’s try it!”

“No one will ever understand,” Natsu grumbles while patting the bike seat. “Let’s just practice sitting on it. I’ll go behind you.”

Lucy swings her right leg over the bike and wraps her hands around the handlebars. Now that it’s in front of her, she feels intimidated. But what makes her feel safe is Natsu’s chest behind her.

“The clutch is on your left and the brake is on your right,” he explains by pointing at each handlebar.

Lucy concentrates as best as she can as Natsu continues explaining the rest of the motorcycle. She didn’t think it was going to be this detailed, but she decides to take this as a learning moment.

“Do you think you understand?” He double-checks. “I can re-explain everything if you need me to.”

“No, I think I got it,” she assures him. “The shifting gears part seems difficult, but we’ll give it a try.”

“I trust you, Luce,” he responds.

The nickname causes Lucy to turn over her shoulder with a smile. Hearing it for the second time sounds just as sweet as the first. His encouragement is also enough to make her more at ease.

Natsu returns her smile with a nod. “Try it now.”

Lucy takes a deep, steady breath to return her focus on the bike. She moves slowly, mentally reciting all of his directions. The bike rumbles beneath them as she turns on the engine.

She isn’t sure if it’s going to end up in a disaster, but she gently releases the clutch and lets the bike roll forward. She holds her breath as they begin to move.

“You’re a natural!” Natsu encourages her, the wind skimming across their skin.

“I’ve always wanted to do this!” Lucy proclaims in delight.

She drives from one side of the pier to the other, but she suddenly realizes she doesn’t know how to turn. Before she creates the disaster that she fears, she calmly brings the bike to a stop.

“Why did you stop?” he asks.

“I don’t know how to turn.” She tries to hide her disappointment. She is sure that Natsu won’t want to continue teaching her.

“Well, we have all day for you to learn.”

Natsu’s words cause the edges of Lucy’s lips to rise into a grin. She doesn’t know if she has ever taken a day with someone to simply spend their time together. It’s more freeing than she thought it could be.

Throughout the rest of the afternoon, the two focus on getting comfortable enough on the bike to coast around. Surprisingly, Lucy is a natural. She learns fast enough to even bring them to a nearby ice cream stand.

“Ready for your next challenge?” Natsu offers as they finish their waffle cones.

Lucy raises a brow. “What?”

“Drive us back home.”

Her eyes widen, but she catches the keys that he flings to her. Normally, she wouldn’t feel ready to drive a vehicle that she just learned how to maneuver. However, the power of spontaneity is too strong to resist.

Just like that, she is driving them back. It’s golden hour, which allows their skin to shimmer with the evening sky. It isn’t long until Lucy rolls into the driveway and smoothly parks the bike.

“Looks like you’ll be driving us back to central Magnolia tomorrow,” Natsu teases her as he hops off.

“That’s definitely not happening!” she exclaims.

The two can already feel their flushed skin as they enter the home. The comforting smell envelops Lucy again, but she has enough control to push back her tears. They find Grandeeny in the living room playing with Wendy.

“Did you two have a good day?” Grandeeny asks, noticing their permanent smiles.

“Natsu taught me how to ride his motorcycle,” Lucy replies.

“And she’s a natural,” Natsu adds. “I was totally surprised!”

Lucy playfully jabs her elbow into his chest, both of them softly laughing.

“Well, why don’t you freshen up before dinner?” Grandeeny suggests.

Natsu and Lucy don’t need to be asked twice. Spending the last several hours at the pier, both of them received enough sun for them to notice their crisp skin.

“You can shower first,” Lucy tells him, staying in the living room.

“Thanks,” Natsu says while hiking up the stairs.

“You know,” Grandeeny begins. She stands up and approaches Lucy to gently hug her. “Natsu has never looked so happy with someone before.”

Lucy can feel warmth and love and kindness radiating from Grandeeny. In response, she remains still with her arms limp by her sides; it takes everything in her to return the hug. As they separate, she gives Grandeeny a tight smile.

“I’m going to go upstairs.” Lucy’s voice comes out like a whisper. “Excuse me.”

Closing the bedroom door and kicking off her shoes, she sits on the edge of the bed. A multitude of feelings swell inside of her—regret for putting herself in this situation, sadness for what she will do to Natsu’s family, and desire for all of this to be real.

She can sense these feelings are going to explode, so she quickly pulls out her journal to express all of her emotions. In the back of her mind, she knows she can use these notes for the article. But in reality, her notes sound mediocre at this point.

Lucy doesn’t realize how frantically she is writing until Natsu comes in and tilts his head at her. She looks up at him, noticing his slightly damp hair. Before she admires him too much, she lets out a sigh and shuts her journal.

“What’s up?” he asks while joining at the edge of the bed.

She presses her lips together, collecting her thoughts. She said yesterday it wasn’t time yet, but she realizes now that she doesn’t even know what that meant in the first place. Quite frankly, she still has no idea what time it is currently.

“I love everything about this home,” she says softly. “The way it smells, your family, the way we get to eat dinner together… It’s so sweet. And you know what? Grandeeny hugged me just now. And she really hugged me.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Natsu remarks. “Why aren’t smiling about it? Try and smile.”

Lucy shakes her head. “It won’t be genuine if I smile.”

He pokes her cheek several times. “Try it.”

She turns to him, forcing a smile that clearly isn’t convincing. The expression causes Natsu to tilt his head back, releasing a honeyed laugh.

“Yeah, that could have been better.”

Lucy can’t help but join his laughter. Once they become quiet, they gaze at one another for a few moments.

She notices that his cheeks are still pink from the sun. Natsu notices that she earned some new freckles. A familiar sense of electricity ignites between them. The bed creaks at Natsu’s weight as he leans forward.

Time is at a standstill as their lips seem to melt into each other’s. Lucy feels flutters in her stomach. Natsu’s heart pounds in his throat.

It’s a kiss that seems to make up for lost time. Perhaps from the time they met, or after the first night, or the third night, or all of the nights since then. Right now, this is a real kiss.

Before they can get too far, a round of knocks sound on the door. They jerk apart, which causes Natsu to almost fall off the bed. Lucy giggles as he stands up to open the door.

“Dinner is almost ready,” Igneel says. He peeks his head in, noticing their tinted cheeks. “Were you two starting to—”

“No!” Natsu and Lucy shout at the same time. This doesn’t help plead their case as Igneel’s lips form a smirk.

“Well, make it quick,” Igneel waves them off and goes back downstairs.

Natsu scoffs, looking over at his shoulder at Lucy. As they connect gazes, they can’t stop themselves from smiling.

“I’ll tell them you’re showering,” he assures her. “Come down when you’re ready.”

“Okay, thanks.” She sends him a thankful nod.

With that, Natsu closes the door behind him. In response, Lucy rubs her cheeks for a moment. Before she bursts with joy, she quickly grabs her clothes and makes her way to the shower.

After showering and drying her hair, she goes downstairs to find the family still eating at the table outside.

“Strawberries,” Natsu says simply as she sits down next to him.

“Thank you for the meal,” Lucy tells Igneel.

“Anytime,” Igneel responds with a wide grin.

Warmth settles inside of Lucy’s chest as they eat together. As she listens to the kids talk about their school days, Igneel and Grandeeny about their days, and her day told by Natsu, she feels completely fulfilled by their love.

“I have a question,” Lucy mentions after a while, directing her focus to Igneel and Grandeeny. “How did you two meet?”

“Oh, here we go,” Natsu nearly groans. “I’m going to get some water.”

“Igneel was known throughout our small town for being the biggest womanizer of all time,” Grandeeny starts.  

Lucy’s eyes light up, knowing that the story will be just as special as she imagined. She hangs off Grandeeny’s every word, occasionally hearing Igneel’s side of the story. Throughout the time they tell the story, Lucy notices Natsu go inside several times to heat up a bowl of instant yakisoba and bring it back outside.

By the time Grandeeny and Igneel have finished their love story, three empty bowls are stacked on the table, the kids have been put to bed, and Natsu is almost snoring in his seat.

“Incredible,” Lucy breathes out in awe.

“It’s as amazing as a mundane life can get,” Igneel shrugs.

“That’s why it’s amazing,” Lucy insists. “The simplicity of your relationship is what makes it so special.”

“Well, when you put it that way,” Grandeeny replies with an appreciative smile. “It is pretty special, then.”

Lucy nods, leaning over to run a hand through Natsu’s hair. He opens his eyes at the feeling and locks eyes with her. “How long was I out?”

“Long enough to miss the whole story,” she responds.

“He has heard it more times than we’ve told it, I’m sure,” Igneel remarks while standing up from his seat. “Well, Lucy, it was great having this talk with you. We need to head to bed now, though.”

“Thank you for taking the time to tell me,” Lucy says with as much sincerity as she can offer. “It really means a lot.”

“Let’s do it again sometime,” Grandeeny assures.

The four stand up from their chairs and return inside. They turn off the lights as they go, exchanging a few goodnights before entering their bedrooms.

Since it’s late, Lucy is expecting Natsu to go straight to sleep after they brush their teeth. She is surprised to find him awake and sitting against the bedframe.

“What was life like for you when you were younger?” he asks.

Lucy pauses at the question before joining him on the bed. She sits crisscrossed, also leaning against the bedframe. “Why do you ask?”

“I feel like you should be asked some questions every once in a while.”

Another wave of warmth scatters across her skin. It’s rare for anyone to intentionally ask her questions since she’s usually the one asking. Now that Natsu wants to return the gesture, she feels incredibly loved.

“I grew up with two incredible parents,” she begins. “We used to do everything together. They were my rock until I was 15. They passed away on a plane crash for a business trip.

“After that, I moved in with my best friend. We used to read books all the time, but I felt like they started to get similar after a while. That’s why I began to write, because I had too many ideas that weren’t being written.”

“Have you always had an interest in people?” Natsu asks.

“I’m not sure, actually,” she replies with a hum. “It just came natural to me to ask other people questions. It’s important to me that everyone understands each other. I don’t like the idea of having a grudge against someone.”

“Forgiveness,” Natsu mentions.

Lucy smiles as she nods. “It’s a difficult process, but it’s possible.”

“How have your past relationships been like?”

The question causes Lucy to pause again, although she isn’t sure why. Not that she’s ashamed, but she wants to commit to being honest with Natsu for the rest of their time together.

“I’ve never had a relationship longer than a year,” Lucy reveals. “I was too focused on my studies in college, so I didn’t make time for one. But even then, I wanted to feel like I belonged to someone’s heart.”

“Wow,” he replies, almost dumbfounded.

“I’ve never shared a bed with a guy before,” she admits. “I’ve never met my boyfriend’s parents, either.”

Lucy doesn’t realize that she said boyfriend, but Natsu catches it as soon as it leaves her lips. Since she isn’t aware of it, he decides to not bring it up.

“You’re really brave for coming here,” he tells her.

“We’re determined to work things out, remember?” she reminds him. “If that means being uncomfortable, then I’m okay with that.”

Natsu reaches over to hold her hand. Their hands are warm as they intertwine, settling in her lap.

“I want to kiss you,” he mumbles.

“Then kiss me,” she whispers back.

The bed creaks again as they both lean forward. It starts as a delicate, butterfly kiss. Heads titled, Natsu can feel her heated body underneath him. Lucy can feel his protective body hovering over her. It is slow and soft, comforting in ways that words could never be.

This isn’t the moment and place for the passion that dwells within them. They both know that, so they eventually pull away, stealing a few chaste kisses before actually separating. They shyly peek at one another.

“I think that was the sweetest kiss I’ve ever had,” Natsu blurts out.

A laugh escapes her tingling lips. It is almost as if they are inexperienced teenagers who are out late together. It’s refreshing.

“We should probably go to sleep so we can say goodbye to Igneel and Grandeeny in the morning,” Lucy says.

Natsu checks the time, finding that it’s already past midnight. He knows that he could have endless conversations with her, but he keeps them to himself for now. With that, he reaches for the lamp.

Although it’s dark, they can still make out their eyes in the moonlight. Just for a moment, they quietly breathe before slowly inching closer to each other in the middle of the bed. Lucy is surprised at how comfortably they cuddle.

“Even if you did share a bed with someone before,” Natsu mentions. “Their body wouldn’t overheat like mine.”

“I’m not sure if that’s a valid assumption,” she replies, allowing her eyes to close. “Goodnight, Natsu.”

“Goodnight, Luce.”

With the ghost of his lips pressing against her forehead, they drift into dreams that somehow feel less real than their experiences from today.