#had a nice conversation with a classmate about anxiety and how it leads to our academic failure

[dramatic-dolphin]

if i don't see the email it can't hurt me (<- guy who is about to be hurt by the email)

[vampiric-daydreams]

Unrequited

Jasper x Reader

Summary: You had been happy to quietly like Jasper from a distance. But when he and the Cullens start acting stranger than usual, you begin wondering if there’s more to it.

Word Count: 2,372

Tags: @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @eggmettcullen @scuzmunkie

A/N: Felt cheeky and wrote something after a year and a half of hiatus that nobody asked for. Sorry not sorry. Might do a part 2?

*

It had crept up on you. It wasn’t something you wanted.

“I’ll go fir-” you started, as your right hand brushed against your English partner’s. The pen between you rolled off the top of the desk as you jolted from his icy touch. Jasper Hale’s cautious eyes met yours. You suddenly grew conscious of every part of your body and how it might appear to him. Your mouth dried up.

From that touch, those feelings manifested in your fingers; a lingering chill that had lasted for hours. From then, your throat tightened whenever you spoke to him. You stuttered between words, and the mere thought of meeting his honeycomb gaze made you feel sick. Reminiscing that first graze of physical contact and back to your first meeting with him, you accepted that those feelings had always lived within you; dormant and waiting. When hadn’t you liked Jasper?

What drew you to him wasn’t something you could pinpoint, at least nothing that wasn’t shallow. You hardly knew him and you only spoke to each other in English class when you had to. Even then, it was a routine ‘hey, how are you today’ and little more unless you were paired together for a learning task.

“… the dance.” That was all your friends had been talking about and it was still months away.

“I’m asking him to the dance,” Jason was hyping himself up, “I’m just going to do it.”

You had every intention of giving him a slap on the back before he went to lay his heart on the line. But all it took was the sight of Jasper crossing the asphalt with some papers in his hand to make you cease and admire him instead. Sometimes you just wanted to march over to him and confess your feelings.

“Oh shit, that’s not good.”

You snapped out of your lover’s trance and looked at Eric’s face flushed with uncertainty as Jason dropped his head. Rejection. He was biting his lip on his way back to your group. Every time you thought you could be gather courage and tell Jasper how you felt, you saw somebody else receive decline from their own attempt. The world around you gave constant reminders to stay in line. This is what will happen to you if you try to break them up.

“He wants to go with Angela.”

Jason’s obstacle was a cute girl with glasses, and yours was Alice Cullen. Dressed immaculately in designer clothing, Jasper’s girlfriend was not somebody you wanted to rival for his affection. Everything about her was perfect and polished and a clear winner against the likes of anyone who stood beside her. How could he ever look at you, let alone accept you?

However, there didn’t seem to be any sign of Alice today. Or Emmett. Edward and Rosalie were standing by the bottom of the stairs leading up to the school. Jasper descended them, his hands now empty and stuffed in his pockets.  As your group comforted Jason, you felt a burning stare on your back; and when you turned around, you met the perturbed frown of Edward Cullen.

*

 Jasper sat beside you. He had joined the class seven minutes late; citing to Mr. Evans that there was a minor family issue. He didn’t greet you as he took his seat; he didn’t pull out any pens or open an exercise book. Something was wrong. An unkind corner of your mind hoped he had broken up with Alice and that was why she wasn’t at school today; or at least that they were having relationship problems. You shook the nasty thought away, not noticing that you had shaken your head until his voice pierced through you. “Are you okay?”

His voice sounded strained, but his expectant gaze pulled at you. Your tongue felt like it had doubled in size. “I… um.”

“Excuse me, is my teaching disrupting your conversation?” Mr. Evans was frowning at you both, and a few classmates snickered.

“We’re sorry, Mr. Evans.” Jasper’s voice was smoother. “I was asking (Y/N) something that I should have saved for later.”

Mr. Evans crossed his arms. “Indeed.”

Both of you were silent. It wasn’t until the bell rang when Jasper started a rare non-essential conversation with you. “What are you doing this weekend?”

Your pulse quickened. Had you somehow intrigued him? You took a shaky breath and focused your energy on not stammering this time. Sound available. “Nothing, why?”

Was he actually going to ask to see you outside of class? You fought to reign in the blush that threatened to give you away. He was smiling. “Oh, the rest of my family are going camping again.”

You hung onto his pause for dear life. It lasted only for a split second, but it was enough time for you to imagine a study date at his place. Sitting side by side, perhaps a little too close, so that your arms would brush. Growing tired of studying and resting your head on his shoulder. Jasper craning his neck lower so his face was close enough to yours that you could feel his breath on your face. A moment of weakness as thoughts of his absent girlfriend slipped away as his lips found yours…

His next sentence cut through you.

“So, Alice and I will have the entire house to ourselves again, which is always a pleasurable time.”

You couldn’t bring yourself to look up at him. Was he still smiling? Why did he feel the need to add that second part? Was he bragging to you?

“S-sounds fun for you guys…”

“Yeah! Our house is always so packed so it’ll be nice to have some alone time.”

Why was he suddenly alluding to his physical relationship with Alice? Why was he bothering to talk to you at all?

 *

 For the following week, Jasper interacted with you more and more. Yet each interaction left you with a hole in your chest. How could something you had wanted for so long turn out to be so awful?

“Our anniversary is coming up so my parents helped me book a romantic weekend away for Alice and I.”

“Even my sister gave Alice a gift for our anniversary. Our family just love us together. They’re always saying how perfect we are for each other and that they couldn’t imagine us with anyone else.”

“Alice and I are skipping school tomorrow for a date.”

Awkward silences turned into deafening info dumps detailing his adoration for his girlfriend; daily reminders that you had no hope of ever being with him and that his family would hate you for hurting Alice if you did. By the time Monday had rolled back around, your light was fading. Jasper had gone from your secret obsession to the last person you needed to see. You dreaded the last class of the day where he’d force you to listen to more of what you least wanted to hear.

Perhaps it was better this way. Each new insight to his relationship made you want to stay further away. Maybe you liked the idea of Jasper more than Jasper himself. Still, if your disillusion stemmed from his relationship, perhaps you’d be reacquainted with your earlier passion for him. A hard bump on your left arm pulled you away from your thoughts.

“Sorry-” you started apologising to Edward Cullen, who you had collided with. You felt hot under his burning gaze. It was a knowing look, one that was brimming with disapproval. Saying nothing, Edward brushed past you in the direction he came from; other students jumping out of his way as he charged through the crowd.

In the cafeteria, the aura surrounding the Cullen’s table was inconsistent. Throughout lunch, you caught each of them watching you one by one. Rosalie’s hostile eyes sent daggers through you, while Emmett seemed apologetic—but not for his girlfriend’s behaviour. An overwhelming sense of dread washed through your body, making you shudder. Edward’s look hadn’t changed since your exchange in the corridor. His gaze was unsettling. It was as though you were under his microscope and he could see everything about you. Had Jasper caught on to you crush on him and told his family? You found your answer when you locked eyes with Alice, whose devastation was clear on her smooth features. He had definitely figured it out, then. Jasper didn’t look at you once. Alice looked at you the most. Up and down. Left to right. She was frowning, but her forehead didn’t wrinkle, and she suddenly seemed miles away.

“I guess they don’t appreciate the threat of an outsider?” Jason glanced at their table and then back at you. “At least I’m not the only one being sidelined.”

“It’s not like I broadcasted it all over school. How did they even find out?” A well of anxiety formed within you. By the second it grew darker and deeper, blacker and blacker, and you were in danger of slipping in and being consumed by it.

“Do you want an answer?”

“No. Not really.”

 *

 And just like that, Jasper’s entire demeanour changed for a second time. His incessant mentions of his girlfriend turned into a bitter distance in which he ignored you entirely. Two more days passed. Your self-worth was diminishing. How could your crush on him be such an insult? Were you so dreadful that he was this repulsed by you?

He was about to walk through the classroom door when you stalked over to him and pushed him back out and to the side of the corridor. His voice interrupted you before you could even speak. “I know you have feelings for me, (Y/N). You don’t have to say anything. But I’m in love with Alice. I love Alice. Not you. I will never leave her for you so you need to accept that and stay away from me.”

“I didn’t mean to fall for you like this. I’m trying to let it go, but none of this gives you the right to be so rude all the time!” Hot tears burned your cheeks as they fell. “I know you won’t leave Alice! I never asked you to! But what is so disgusting about me that is making you treat me like this?”

“It’s not like you’re entirely innocent, (Y/N). If it remained the innocent crush it once was, I could accept it. But fantasising about us cheating behind my girlfriend’s back? Wishing every day that she and I would break up for your benefit? That’s selfish.”

Bile rose in your throat. He was right. There was something worth his repulsion. You should have apologised and promised to leave him alone. You wanted to tell Jasper that you never wanted things to get so out of hand. But you said, “What, so you read minds now?”

His hesitation was brief, but you noticed it. The subtle way his citrine eyes widened as those words left your mouth made you wonder if you had an edge you didn’t recognise. As awful as your thoughts about him and Alice were, how had he known about them? “You still haven’t denied it, (Y/N). Isn’t that what most people who love someone unattainable think?”

“You don’t know a thing about what I think.”

“I know a lot more than you’d expect me to and-” Before you had time to blink, Edward’s hand clapped on Jasper’s shoulder.

“What he means to say is that he—we—don’t appreciate your meddling in his relationship,” said Edward.

You gritted your teeth. “I haven’t meddled! I haven’t said a word! Who do you think you are, with your whole family death-staring me? With all these assumptions about my thoughts and intentions?” Your volume grew louder. People were staring and whispering to each other.

“Regardless of the decisions that have and haven’t been made, I think it would be best for everybody if you and Jasper stayed away from each other from now.” A strange, soothing sensation surrounded you. Your broken, shaky breaths grew steady. You unclenched your jaw and your fists, and you realised that Edward’s suggestion was best for everyone.

“But we sit together in English. Mr. Evans is very fond of his seating chart.” The sharpness had left your voice.

“I’ll change my classes.” Jasper still sounded uncomfortable; he still didn’t look at you.

“Fine.” His dismissal of you caused the embers of your anger to spark and reignite, but it felt like somebody was throwing water on them. You cooled back down.

 *

 The first week with an empty space beside you hurt the most. Knowing it wasn’t because of a camping trip, or even a date with his girlfriend; but that he no longer wanted anything to do with you made you feel faint. You would never brush his hand with yours again or feel the lingering touch of his alabaster skin. He would never smile at you, or greet you, or ask about your day—even if it was only to be polite.

But something niggled in the back of your mind, and over time it bothered you more than losing Jasper’s acquaintanceship. How were they so right about my imagination? How did they figure things out so quickly?  You had told no one about how you wished Jasper would abandon Alice and leap into your arms instead. It was a huge assumption on which to base that level of animosity and disdain.

Something was definitely off about all this; and if you had to sacrifice even your feelings for Jasper, you at least wanted to figure out how the Cullens were so on the mark. A stupid idea popped into your brain, one that was ridiculous—but you were so worn down that you allowed this concept to spread. What if, somehow, your thoughts weren’t safe?

[tanzeelanadeem]

“Do what you love”

A few years ago, I met a girl who is now a very good friend of mine. She was my classmate but I had never talked to her before. She seemed a nice girl to me. So, at first, we both introduced ourselves to each other. Inadvertently, we shared similar interests. We both had a nice conversation and after introducing ourselves, somewhere in between our long and interesting conversation we began talking about different professions. So, she told me her story, which for sure I'd like to share.

They are three sisters including her. She's the youngest. Her father told his daughters that he wants them all to study medical and nothing else. He wanted all of them to be doctors. Unfortunately, none of them had any interest in studying Biology. She had interest in Maths and wanted to study engineering, but anyways their father coerced his daughters to study medical. Anyhow, the elder one studied medical indifferently. The same happened with the second daughter, and she had some other interests too. He made both of them study medical in the private institutions. The youngest one was interested in Maths and wanted to pursue her career in engineering. So, when her turn came about, her father decided to do the same. Luckily, her mother took a stand and dared to speak before her husband and said, "Either she will study engineering or I'll make her leave the house." After about hundreds of pleadings from his daughter, he finally allowed her to study engineering. And told her, "You can do engineering, but ONLY engineering and from N.E.D ONLY and if you fail to get into this university don’t expect me to afford any expenses for your studies further.” Her siblings and relatives told her that she wouldn’t be able to make it to NED and that engineering is for boys and other discouraging stuff. Finally, on agreeing to all his terms and conditions, she studied pre-engineering in her intermediate. She worked so hard in her intermediate years and managed to get into N.E.D, and proved everyone that she can do what they think she can’t, while the other two, despite being doctors are happily married housewives.

Letting your children liberally choose their professions and not coercing them to study something they don't have interest in, won’t create a parent-children clash.  This clash seems to be especially prevalent in immigrant Muslim families. And I think it’s one’s right to explore new things, figure out their interests and then liberally choose their career paths. Pushing one's child into a field of study which may be beyond his capabilities would be wrong. Not everyone is meant to be a doctor, a lawyer, or an engineer. To pressure the child into studying something that is not really for him could merely ensure his failure at it, which might also be followed by shame, depression, low self-esteem, rebellion, frustration, and even suicide. And since we’re talking about suicide. There are many reasons which lead students to commit suicide. One thing is, high expectations that lead to unrealistic expectations. We all have an outlook of what will 'they think?', 'they say?' If you're a student and good at studies, you must have gone through that "people's own assumption of you" phase, also called expectations. People don't understand what their 'own assumption' did to a lot of us. It ruins us intellectually and eventually leads to depression. (I don't feel the need to elaborate, you can relate to your own condition if you've ever gone through this ghastly phase in your life.) The other thing is, toxic comparison. Students lead to committing suicide due to the pressure. It's caused because their parents say, “Your elder brother scored 90% in his last exam and Rashid Uncle's daughter scored 92% in this exam last year. If you don't score at least 85% or above you will abash us in front of everyone. That particular individual might not score 85% or above in exams, but what do WE know? YOU or I could never beat him in sports or in arts. Ever thought? But no, we’re never appreciating arts, all we have to do is to test his abilities in a particular field of studies that is not meant for him. How could you just take a fish out of water and expect it to run like other animals? Parents usually feel that the social sciences and arts in general do not offer as much potential for financial success as business, medicine and engineering does. Parents tend to think in terms of the highly paid, skilled salaried jobs for their offspring. The Prophet, peace be upon him taught that there is no room in Islam for snobbery. If you coerce your children to study something they don't have interest in. Those enforcements will only lead them to depression, anxiety, anger, stress and sometimes even attempting suicide. Tell them what profession is better in what way. Suggest, instead of ordering. Ask about their interests, talk to them and most importantly believe in them and encourage them to achieve what they love doing. Trust me, every other person is capable of doing great things if they’re on the right place, doing what they love. We need to do more of what we love to do. People will judge you. People will underestimate you. People will never let live. Never stop believing in yourself. Remember, you are ingenious and you can do what “they” think you can't

[you-deserve-to-love-yourself]

Hello! How are you? I hope you're doing well :).

Uhm, well you see....I don't know if it's okay if I kind of ask you for advice (?) but please feel free to ignore this if you don't want to reply, I understand if you do and I will respect it.

Well, you see... I don't want to get into great detail with the story of my life, but, long story short, I have adhd-pi and I was bullied at school and I kinda swept it under the carpet when I got a year held back because I got to meet new people so I tried to leave it in the past.

I thought I was over it throughout the years, but turns out I am not over it and this year after quarantine a lot of things have started surfacing again and it's horrible because my head will bring up stuff that I don't want to remember and whenever I try to distract myself my head will now kind of associate that distraction with another unpleasant memory.

I also have more issues trying to socialize which is something I didn't struggle with that much last year. Like I was able to start a conversation with people and classmates almost smoothly but now I can't, and I've gotten like, two attacks in class. One because I was terrified of presenting a project and the most recent one because the teacher asked me something in class.

I was trying to become friends with a new student in my subunit because my few friends are in the other one because we had to be divided because of Covid.

It was good at first, really nice, genuine, etc.. but things went down when I was paired up with them for this project and I told them I was terrified of presenting and they told me they felt the same way and I remembered they told me they have anxiety. When the day of the project came it was a mess. I had to tell the teacher about our problem because they wouldn't say anything and I broke down when the teacher pulled me out of class to talk. The teacher told me that I wasn't loosing anything at her class but I could lose my job in the future and that this was and exception and could not happen again. She added that I should stand by my partner's side during the presentation to support them but I didn't have to present and that I would have to read the titles on the slides if I could. When she stopped talking I tried my best to tell her that my partner has the same problem and with a heavy sight she told my partner to come out of the class. The teacher started kinda scolding us (which made me feel worse because it's not something I could control) and then my partner made up the excuse that I had just told them that day about my problem which is a lie because I did tell them before. They later on after the presentation proceeded to look at me with one of their friends and they said something along the lines that I had left them hanging. They stopped talking to me and I at first felt guilty but then I felt mad. I would also try to ignore their presence in spaces we had to share and I would not even look at them.

It's been a couple of months since that incident and I really don't want to get into deeper detail about what I saw about this person at first and what I see now or what other events have happened in my life that have made me feel like utter crap, but basically I've been paired up with this friend of them (the one they told about me leaving them hanging) and another classmate. Despite them already knowing that I have this problem (or at least I assume so because they saw me when I was standing by this person's side) I don't know how to explicitly let them know about it. I don't really trust them (especially this person's friend) and I really don't know how to tell them because it's not easy but I need to tell them.... how should I tell them? Thank you so much for your time! I love your blog!

Ah, I forgot to add that I mentioned all the things that happened to me because I believe that my attacks are linked to it in some way (?)

(just clarifying so it doesn't look like I said all of that without any context at all)

Once again, thank you so much for your time!

Hi anon!! Sorry it took me a bit to get back to you.

As long as my ask box is open, feel free to send these things in!! Keep in mind I’m not a professional, and I might not get back to you immediately, but I’m always willing to help someone who needs it. The exception is if you’re considering suicide or are otherwise in immediate danger, in which you need to contact an emergency line or a hotline.

You’re not alone in having things resurface that you thought you were over - that’s happened to me too, during quarantine.

It was wrong of your partner to lie to your teacher and lie to their friends about when you told them about your problem, and I’m sorry you had to go through that. I hope you know that feeling mad is totally valid. *hugs* 

If you have trouble talking to people in person, could you email or text them? I’d suggest sending your partners something along the lines of “Hey I don’t know if you guys know this, but I have really bad anxiety and I’m not able to present. If you guys want, I’ll do extra work on the slides so that you guys can present. I can also read the titles.

I’d also email the teacher beforehand explaining your situation again so that there isn’t a problem on the day-of. Something like 

“Dear Ms ___,

I know it’s been an issue before, but I wanted to reach out beforehand about my inability to present. I’ve talked with my groupmates, and we’ve agreed that I’ll do extra work on it and only read the titles. I wanted to let you know so that there wouldn’t be a problem on the day-of.

Best,

___

I wouldn’t talk to your current partners about what happened in the past, because if anything that could turn into drama pretty fast. But if you want to talk to your original partner from a few months back on it, you could send them something like “I know this happened a few months back, but it really hurt me and I’d like to talk about it if you’re open. I felt really hurt when you told the teacher that I hadn’t told you in advance about my presenting problem, since I did. And when you said something similar in front of your friend, it also made me feel hurt and angry. I understand that you have anxiety too and I’d like to be on good terms again. If we’re ever paired up in the future, could we try to talk to the teacher about any problems we have beforehand? And if I’ve miscommunicated in any way, I’d like to be told so that I’m not blamed for failing to do something, when I did do it.”

Of course, I wouldn’t send something like that if you don’t want to repair the relationship. And either way is okay! You’re not obligated to forgive or be friends with them.

Going back to what you said earlier about memories resurfacing - how I deal with them is grounding techniques! Like you mentioned, distracting yourself doesn’t always work and might just lead to more associations, but using methods to ground yourself in the present moment might be super helpful.

They work well for panic attacks, too. I might have linked this before, but 7 Cups has a help guide on panic attacks that might be helpful for you.

Sending you love and I hope things turn out alright for you! 💚

[just-homo-thingsxd]

Reconnection. Pt2 (Endeavor X Male Reader.)

You lived out your days working as a waiter/bartender at a fairly high end restuarant. The Hook, Brine, and Shimper. The charm you feigned and easy going attitude drew the attention of an interested restaurant owner. You obviously weren't known for being the strongest, but when it came to wits and cleverness you had that on lock easily as #1. Today was a work day as any other.

"(Y/N)!! I have great news!!"

The restaurant owner approached you rather quickly and very obviously excited.

"What is it boss?"

"I just got off the phone with the number 2 hero Endeavor and he's going to be coming by for our food. He didn't want to be mobbed or anything that's why he called ahead of time."

That knot you wish you didnt have to experience whenever you hear his name came back in full force. The owner noticed this as your face turned flushed a bit and your eyes fell to the floor.

"Are you alright? I know it's a lot to take in but you're my best waiter, and if he has a good time and recommends this place it would be amazing for business! Not to mention I'll throw in an extra for you since you would have to stay later. Hell, if you make him happy I'll kiss you man, anything you want."

Letting out a soft chuckle you did your best to fake a smile. Something that was too common.

"I-ill do it. I can't promise anything though. I've heard he's... difficult."

In his excitement he didn't notice the emphasis you put on difficult.

"Awesome! Thank you so, so much, it means a lot to me, (Y/N)."

As time drew closer you became more and more anxious. You kept trying to remind yourself. No matter what, be confident, and professional. If he brings up the past it's different. You must not, think of your boss, he's relying on you. Don't let him down.

Your boss stood outside when the bulking mass approached the building. He's so huge now. He was big at U.A, but now he's huge. His face hadn't changed much. He still had that same determinated gaze in his eyes.

"Welcome, Endeavor. I'm the one you spoke with on the phone. The restaurant owner, and this fella right here will be your server tonight. (Y/N) if you would."

"Hello, Mr. Todoroki. Welcome to the Hook, Brine, and Shrimper. The finest restaurant in the area. I hope you find your stay a pleasant one, and whatever you need please let me know if I can help you."

You did a bow and after a moment straightened yourself up. The look on his face was, different. He seemed he was happy, but who knows honestly. His expression softened at least.

"Thank you, (Y/N). I'm sure I'll enjoy this visit. I've heard only good things about this place, and about you. You're quite well known in this place."

"Well that's a relief. You humble me with your words, and I appreciate your kindness Mr. Todoroki."

"Please, Enji or Endeavor is fine."

"Of course, my apologies. Enji, if you'll follow me I will lead you to your seat."

He nodded and you turned and lead the way. Your nerves were so on edge. It felt to you, at least, like there was a lot of tension in the air. Who knows? Maybe he was completely oblivious and forgot about you. That would be better.

"Here you are."

You inclined your head towards the booth and he sat. Placing a menu on the table once he was comfortable.

"May I start you off with a drink?"

"A water is fine for now."

"Are you sure? It might evaporate before you even get to take a sip."

"Heh. You got that right."

"It'll be right out for you."

He took a look at the menu and you stepped away towards the soda fountain and was immediately approached by one of your nosy co-workers. Sarah propped herself up by her arms and chuckled

"Well, well. Look at you getting to serve the number 2 hero. Think he likes you?"

"Hah. You're funny. No, he doesn't. We have a history together. Not a good ending. I'm not even sure if he remembers me."

"Yeesh. I'm sorry to open up that wound. Still if you really want I could always take over."

"No. The boss entrusted this to me. I'll manage."

With that you filled up the glass with water and walked it back to Endeavor.

"Here you go, sorry about the wait. There was a line back there."

"It's no problem. Say, I have a question for you."

"What can I help you with?"

"Would you be willing to talk when you're off the clock? I.... wanted to apologize formally."

You took a step back and looked to the ground. So he did remember.... did he come here knowing that there was a chance you'd be working? He can apologize all he wants but he'll never understand the pain you've endured these years from him. Regardless. It might be the closure you need.

After a moment of thought. You looked to him and gave a faint smile.

"Sure, but more importantly. What can I get you to eat tonight? You're favorite food is Kuzumochi still, right?"

His eyes widened a bit as he smiled softly, and letting out a scoff.

"You still remember that, huh?"

"Of course I do we're.... we were classmates."

He looked down at the table, it almost seemed like he was sad.

"Yeah, we were."

"Any specific way you want it prepared, sir?"

"I'll take it as it comes."

"Sounds good, it'll be right out."

He didn't give a response, which was his way of ending a conversation. Without stalling you head back and told the chef what to prepare and who it was for.

When the same annoying employee grabbed at your shoulders.

"Seems you were speechless, what'd he say that was so wild? Give me the details."

"He wants to talk. After all this time. When I'm off the clock. I'm already here past what I was supposed to be. So that means.... soon."

She could tell you were quite uneasy about this. She was good at reading moods and people alike.

"You seem bothered. You said you had a history together. Wouldn't you be happy that he wants to reconnect?"

"It didnt end well. It's going to be the same now. He's too stubborn to change."

She took a step back.

"Once again, sorry for asking. I figured you just got in a little scrap and that was that but it seems a bit more involved. On your end primarily."

"What does that mean?"

You said jokingly

"You're the only one who's upset about reconnecting with him. If he didnt want to he wouldn't. You're the one that's bothered, so you're still hanging on to the past, right?"

Damn her. How could she be so perceptive?

"I never got any closure. Of course I'm still hanging on to the past."

"Then get it when you talk later. Simple as that."

With that said the food was ready to be served. You took it out to him and gracefully presented it to him while putting the plate down.

"Here you are, sir. Need another water? It seems half of it did evaporate."

"I suppose it did. Another one would be nice."

"Right away."

Filling another glass with water your back was flicked and there was Sarah.

"If you get laid let me know."

"WHAT?"

You covered your mouth and broke down to a whisper

"Why would you say that? whatever thought is in your head I need it to leave and visit the shadow realm. it doesn't belong on this earth."

"Someones a drama queen. Isn't he waiting for that water you've overfilled that's currently all over your hand?"

You got so distracted by what she said you didnt even notice it.

"I hate you."

"No you don't. I'll be waiting for the details."

Gah. Sometimes she's annoying.

After getting a new glass and drying your hand you brought it out to Endeavor.

"You sounded surprised, everything alright?"

Of course he heard that. Who didn't?

"Yeah, I'm sorry. My friend told me something loaded very abruptly. I was taken aback that's for sure. I hope you still enjoy your meal. Need anything else?"

"No thank you, I'm sure I'll enjoy this it looks amazing."

You stepped away and sat in the break room for a few minutes. Anxiety and sadness was growing as more time passed. After all this time he wants to talk now? Who does he think he is...? Tch. Whatever. You stood up and took a deep breath and marched back out there.

"How was it, Satisfactory?"

"Yes, very much so. It was all gone before I noticed."

"Hah, I see that."

"When are you off the clock?"

"Whenever you're finished. The boss asked me to stay for you."

"Really, and you did?"

"I didnt want to let him down. Besides. He offered me some extra money for staying."

"I..I see. Well I'm finished, so I'll head to the front and pay. Unless.. you wanted to walk together?"

"I need to grab my bag and keys but I'll be up there shortly."

He simply nodded and started towards the entrance. Shortly after you met him up there. The boss was also up there talking to him, he seemed happy at least. Endeavor caught you out of the corner of his eye and turned towards you.

"Are you ready?"

"Yeah."

"Well sir, it's been a wonderful experience here. (Y/N) certainly made it better, so be sure to treat him well. He deserves it."

"Endeavor that's not-"

'Of course Endeavor I make sure all my staff are well taken care of, but by your request I will certainly pay extra attention to him.

"Then I will be sure to recommend this place to everyone that I know. Maybe even a public statement. I don't do those often."

"That would be wonderful! Thank you both so much. I'll see you around."

With that the owner stepped away and you were now left with Endeavor.

"You didnt have to say that to him, but I appreciate it."

"It's the least I can do, now, let's go. Follow me."

Endeavor lead the way outside to the car that would drive them. The driver was an older man with a fancy looking top hat. He took a step out of the vehicle and bowed slightly.

"So you're the company Mr. Todoroki has spoken so highly of. The one he wanted to make amen-"

"That's enough, I can do the explaining. I appreciate you being so open with your schedule. Leonard."

"Heheh, you act like I get much business these days. You treat me like royalty in comparison to others. Anyway, are you two lovebirds getting in?"

There was a silence as Endeavors flames soared up, he surprisingly remained silent with a bit lip. You were shocked and embarrassed, bashfully you got in the back behind the driver. Endeavor got in the back with you. It gave you a perspective of just how huge this man was. He took up one and quarter of a seat. You're sure that if he wasn't so tense it would be half of a seat.

"Would you be alright coming to my residence tonight? I can drop you off at your home later."

"Yeah, that's fine, Endeavor."

"Leonard, if you will."

"Yeah yeah, I heard ya two back there."

Maybe it was just you but that lovebird comment still felt up in the air. It felt very awkward at least on your end.

"So, Y/N, you single? You look like quite the catch."

The heat got a little more intense.

"What kind of question is that Leonard? Do you ask all your clients that?"

"I asked you and him didnt I? You're both quite reserved around each other eh?"

"Leonard, with all do respect. It's been years since we've seen each other. It's still shocking to see him again. I thought I never would, not in person at least."

You spoke the truth. There was no point in lying at this point.

"Ah I see. Maybe I jumped to conclusions, my apologies. We're only about 3 minutes away from the Todoroki estate so you won't deal with my nagging that much longer."

You got a slight chuckle from that. The heat had died down now, it seemed Endeavor had cooled off a bit.

The 3 minutes flew and before you knew it you were outside a very large, Japanese style home. It appeared to have two floors. It seemed quite excessive for only him. Though with how active of a hero he is it wouldn't be that surprising of the money he has. Of course he could love comfortably and how he wanted.

"Well this is your stop you two. Try not to have too much fun y'hear?"

You smiled and chuckled once again.

"Thank you Leonard, you're a very nice man."

"Thanks, Leonard."

"Yeah yeah, get outta my car now."

After you both got out Leonard drove off and now you were entirely alone with Endeavor. You turned to face him and looked into his eyes for a moment before speaking.

"Want to go inside and talk? No point in doing it out here."

"Mmm. Sure, if you could, leave your shoes at the door. You can wait for me in the main room, I'll make us some tea."

With a nod he walked off quickly. You obliged to his rule which you did yourself anyway. It saved carpets if you just took off your shoes at the door so you adopted that tradition. You kneeled down on the cushion in front of the table and finally let your body relax a bit. Your shoulders had become so stiff because of today.

Thinking back on it, today was crazy. You got a crazy offer from your boss, took the offer then had to cater for someone you hadn't seen in a long time and now you're in his house alone with him.

Needless to say you're a bit tense.

"Heres the tea, and I brought you something else."

He laid down the tea and held up a traditionalish kimono. He too had changed into one. It resembled more of a robe, but it was a bit more tight and revealing of the legs. A hybrid between the two it seemed. He switched out of his hero costume and without the tight clothing you could still see he was thick all over. His arm, chest, thighs, legs. Everything about him.

You caught yourself staring and quickly took it from him and stood up.

"I'd be honored! Where's your restroom?"

He pointed to a door on the right side of the room.

"Through there first door on the left. Help yourself to whatever you need."

"Thank you."

You quickly trotted off towards the rest room. Once you were clear and alone you quickly switched and did your best to calm down in the lower half. Those feelings tugged at you. You still weren't over what happened, but more importantly you still cared for him deeply. Your erection could've easily been caused by his body, but it felt more like your body was yearning for him. The more you stared the more feelings came back. The excitement you had from being friends with him and seeing him every day.. not that he cares.. nothings changed, he's just saying sorry for himself. But maybe that's what you need. To hear there's no possibility he'll be anything to you. Maybe the honest truth will help you move on.

The hybrid clothing was easy enough to get on, and after letting yourself settle and splashing your face with water you came back out. He was looking down at the table with the cup of tea in his hand. He looked over to you for a moment then back to the table.

"My apologies for making you wait. I'm quite tired so I had to splash my face a bit."

"That's alright. Are you sure you want to chat? I can just drop you off now if you'd like."

"Huh? Endeavor this was your idea. You said you wanted to apologize. After all these years I couldn't just say no to an old friend, could I?"

"Is that the only reason you came with me?"

"No. I want to have an end to our chapter. It's been on hiatus for far too long. Endeavor. I'll be frank, it still hurts me the way it left off."

"You're... still hurt by that? All this time I've been hurting you?"

You were taken by surprise at what he said. It made you stop and think for a moment.

"Yes. I have been. I wanted nothing more than a best friend Enji. I told you my home life and nobody would be around a weakling like me. I was all alone. You were my light at my darkest times. You had such drive and tenacity. It was infectious. It helped me when I needed it most."

He sat a for a moment and his tea began to bubble.

"I'm... awful. I didn't think I meant anything to you. I thought you just wanted to be my friend to use me.. it happened so often when I was younger.. people are evil, but you're not. I can't believe I turned you away. You were right, being personable was a huge part of being a hero. I was so blinded by my desire to be number 1 I ignored you. I was stupid to think with how things ended between us that I could just mend things with you with a 'I'm sorry.'"

"I wouldn't have come with you if I didnt want to mend things and lend go Enji. I'll always care for you. Though, it might take me awhile to actually forgive you. I understand your actions though."

"You'll always care for me? Do you even hear yourself.. I don't deserve your care."

"Well get used to it. My feelings of compassion towards you haven't gone away yet, and I doubt they will."

He placed down his cup of tea and stood up. He walked over to you and looked down. He lowered his head and shut his eyes.

"I know its sudden, but I feel things can change between us. I owe it to you, after all this time. Will you forgive me?"

You stood up and did what felt natural. You brought him into a tight hug. His body tensed up, but after a moment his large arms wrapped around you and his hands met your back. He rested his cheek on the side of your head.

"Of course I forgive you, but I still need time to process this, okay?"

"I understand. Thank you, Y/N for still being my friend."

"No problem, Enji, you're my best friend. That won't change easily."

"Best friend? Hmm.. I think that describes you perfectly."

With a smile and soft blush the pain that had eaten away at your heart subsided. The past is the past, it still hurts, but you knew with time and patience the pain would cease to be. You could finally be happy, you definitely were in his arms.

[sweetfogarty]

In the Pursuit of Justice || Chapter Two

Summary: After taking theatre classes after school for months, Midge Klump is delighted to be cast, albeit by a technical default, as Carrie White in the Riverdale High production of Carrie: The Musical. On debut night, Midge is murdered in cold blood and a witch hunt ensues to find the killer and bring him to justice. Fangs Fogarty finds himself in the crosshairs of this witch hunt, which culminates in him being arrested and charged as Midge’s killer.

Robin Allard, a public defender, is assigned to his case and together they fight the uphill battle to try and prove his innocence in court, finding skeletons in each other’s closets along the way. Robin may believe that Fangs is innocent, but will 12 jurors think the same? And will Fangs Fogarty be found guilty or not guilty of the murder of Midge Klump?

Rating: Mature

Word count: 8.6K+

Chapter warnings: Violence, reference to character death, blood (minor), systemic racism, anxiety.

MASTERLIST

Fangs and Midge sat in the empty auditorium, two chairs pulled out into the middle of the hall facing each other. The pair sat in them, legs brushing, flicking through their scripts, ready to start their extra rehearsals together for the first time.

“I appreciate you helping me, Fangs, really. You didn’t have to give up your free time to help me, I’m sure you’re busy with other stuff,” Midge looked up from her script to meet Fangs’ eyes, sending him a polite smile which only grew in size when Fangs returned it with his own quirky grin.

“Other stuff like getting Kevin cups of coffee?” he laughed, knocking her knee with his as she tried to stifle a laugh. Despite being the co-director of the show, Fangs’ responsibilities only extended insofar as making sure that there was enough sugar in Kevin’s coffee and that the auditorium was prepped and packed away adequately before and after rehearsals. He wasn’t bitter- he felt lucky to have even been considered as a co-director, given his gang affiliation, but he deep down he wished Kevin would let him off the leash to take some responsibility. Rehearsing with Midge made him feel like he had some purpose. “But seriously, it’s okay, no need to thank me. I wouldn’t be a good co-director if I let our leading lady fall behind, would I? Now, I want to take it from scene five in the White’s bungalow where Carrie is trying to tell Margaret about her day at school. You’ll be Carrie, obviously, and I’m gonna channel my inner Margaret.”

“You’re gonna be Margaret? I think you could give Mrs Cooper a run for her money to be honest,” Midge sniggered, her eyes crinkling at the sides as she grinned, two small dimples taking pride of place on her cheeks.

Fangs had never thought much about Midge before, she blended in with the crowd at school, never one for getting involved in spats or drama. She kept to her circle of friends closely, often spending her days with Lydia Boyd talking about boys, school drama, boyfriends and how excited they were for prom. It was hard to believe that she was a River Vixen, given that she was worlds apart from the shallow nature of most of the squad. Despite being a cheerleader and dating a member of the football team, Midge had maintained a sense of humility when it would be easy to let her status do the talking for her. She was a rose amongst a school of thorns. In a town like Riverdale, where the Serpents weren’t the only snakes around, no one had a bad word to say about her, and that spoke volumes to a lot of people, but especially Fangs. He wondered how in a town like this, a girl like Midge could remain somewhat uncorrupted and normal.

He wondered how he’d never noticed her before now.

“You think?” he asked, placing a hand over his heart. He sent Midge a short wink and a faint blush arose to the apples of her cheeks, barely masked by the peach blush she’d put on this morning. “I’ll have you know, Alice Cooper doesn’t have shit on me. The only person who could possibly play a strict religious mother better than me would be Lydia Boyd, given her Dad’s job. I hear he’s pretty protective over his little angel- but what father wouldn’t be, this town is nuts at the best of times.”

Midge quirked an eyebrow at him, shaking her head and rolling her eyes as her lips fell into a small pout. “Play nice, Lydia’s my best friend. And her Dad’s a nice guy too- protective, but nice.”

“Okay, okay,” Fangs conceded, holding his hands up. “I like Lydia, Jubilee says she’s a nice girl and I trust her judgment, so she’s okay in my book. Anyway, I wanna take it from the cue where Margaret starts talking about Eleanor Snell. Remember, Carrie is shy, she’s been picked on by her classmates for as long as she can remember. She’s like the poster-child for high school bullying.”

Midge gave him a nod and cleared her throat, sitting up in her seat a little straighter as she prepared.

“Just as the laundry was about to close, Eleanor Snell brought in some last-minute alterations. I think the Snell’s are having a graduation party for Sue. She’s in your class, isn’t she?” Fangs dropped his head to the side as he posed the question, looking at Midge intently.

“Momma, listen-“

“Anyway, Eleanor said she’d pay double, so I’ll be up all night trying to get it all done. Heaven knows we can use the extra money,” he interrupted Midge, watching her posture change as she prepared for her next lines. A small smile quirked at his lips as he saw how seriously she was taking this.

“Momma, please,” Midge begged, elongating her words as her eyebrows furrowed instinctively, voice pleading with Fangs. “Something happened at school today. Something terrible.”

“Terrible things are the Lord’s way of testing us, Carrie,”

“I know, but the other girls-“

“You’re not like the other girls,” Fangs spoke sternly, cutting her off again. He glanced up from his script, noticing how her tongue caught between her teeth and her nose crinkled when she was concentrating. Something about her was different. She made him feel human and like an equal. She made him feel something in the pit of his stomach, something good.

“But I am, Momma- I am. I never thought so, but-“

“You’re not, Midge- you’re special.” he spoke, not taking his eyes off her until her gaze shot up to his.

“Midge?” She asked, her eyebrows knitted together in confusion as she let out a breathy laugh. “You mean Carrie. I keep calling people by their names instead of their character names too, glad to know I’m not the only one who does it.”

She knocked her knee against his and he let out a deep exhale, chewing his lip as he tried to rack his brains for something to take the conversation away from his mishap. He’d meant what he said, Midge was special. The line had fit perfectly and in the heat of the moment, as he watched her try her hardest and persevere with her work, he forgot that he was meant to be acting.

“You’re really coming along, and you’re really fitting into the character well now that you’re understanding the backstory a little more. This was so much better than our group rehearsals last week, great-“

Fangs was interrupted by the auditorium door swinging open, Moose and Reggie sauntering in with their gym bags slung lazily over their shoulders as they called out Midge’s name, ready to pick her up from her afterschool rehearsals.

Internally, Fangs cringed at the entrance of the Bulldogs. Relentlessly for the last few months since the Serpents had transitioned to Riverdale High, the two groups had clashed, the Bulldogs easily irritated by the Serpent presence and the Serpents even more so irritated by the hostility of the football players. Moose and Reggie were often at the forefront of the exchanges, as well as Fangs and Sweet Pea, and so they were more than familiar with each other. Fangs didn’t want his tumultuous relationship with the Bulldogs to get in the way of his work with Midge. They really seemed to be making headway with her personification of Carrie.

And he was also really enjoying the time he got to spend with her.

“You ready to go?” Moose asked softly as he slipped an arm around Midges waist with a smile. It faltered slightly as he looked over to Fangs. “You never told me he’d be here too.”

“Yeah, what is Fogarty doing here?” Reggie asked pointedly, puffing his chest out slightly as he looked the Serpent up and down.

“God, step off, Reggie,” Midge sighed frustratedly, shaking her head at his actions as she slipped out of Moose’s grasp and towards Fangs, her face settling into an irritated expression at Reggie’s tone and actions. “I can’t run lines by myself. And besides, he’s the co-director so it makes sense for me to run lines with him. You’d know that if you actually bothered to take part in the musical.”

“Okay, chill, Klump,” Reggie held his hands up in defeat, taking a few steps back as he shot Moose a wide-eyed look followed by a grin, obviously finding Midge’s rise to his words funny. “C’mon, let’s bounce. I need a protein shake after those drills Coach made us do today or I think I may actually die.”

“See you at rehearsals tomorrow Fangs,” Midge smiled, subtly sending him an apologetic look when the boys weren’t paying attention. She waved him off daintily, dropping her hand to her side after, which Moose instinctively took into his own larger hand. “Thanks again for your help.”

“No worries, see you tomorrow, you too Moose,” Fangs called after the group, raking his hands through his hair with an awkward look on his face when the trio’s backs were turned.

He didn’t know too much about Midge. He couldn’t tell you her middle name, or her favourite colour, or anything about her life outside of school. But part of him wanted to know those things about her and other things like what made her scared or her aspirations for life. Perhaps he liked talking to her because it was almost forbidden- the good girl spending time with a guy like him that her boyfriend had a bad relationship with. But regardless of the reason, he knew there was something about her that he couldn’t quite shake from his mind.

---

It was a Saturday morning when Robin got the frantic call from Jughead. Fangs’ Mum had been too cut up to do it herself and Sweet Pea had been the first by her side to comfort her after they’d witnessed Fangs being hauled away by Minetta.

She’d been sat on her sofa, wrapped in an ash grey robe with her hair in a towel, cradling a battered and used copy of Res Gestaeby Augustus, the first Emperor of Rome. Robin was a stickler for ancient history; her flat adorned with old leather-bound history books, copies of all 12 parts of Suetonius’ De Vita Caesarium and busts and statuettes of Grecian, Egyptian and Roman figures. Her favourite was her statuette of Dike, an ancient Greek Goddess who represented moral order, fair judgement and justice. Dike sat proudly on Robin’s desk and acted as a reminder of what she strived to achieve in her role as a public defender.

As Robin turned the page, she let out a content sigh, her eyes reading over a quote that caught her attention. I found Rome made of bricks; I leave her clothed in marble. Maybe that’s what Robin had been trying to do when she took her job as a public defender in a town a small as Riverdale. It would have been easy for her to take a job as a corporate attorney in a big city, working to line the pockets of people who already had more money than sense, and making a big paycheque out of it which would have meant she’d never have to worry about money again. Public defending was not rich, nor was it glamorous. But it was hers. Maybe she was taking the system, one brick, one ‘criminal’ at a time, and trying to leave them covered in something akin to marble to make the system something more than a machine that acted in the interests of punishment rather than rehabilitation and fairness. Maybe she was hoping to bring a little bit of Augustus to Riverdale.

It was the ringing of her phone that tore her away from her book, an unknown number flashing up which made her stomach gurgle in an uneasy way. She hadn’t even breathed a hello into the receiver before a young and frantic voice was shouting down the phone at her, urging her to get the Sheriff’s Office as quickly as she could.

Robin’s position became more rigid, and she trapped the phone between her ear and her shoulder as she placed her bookmark between the pages of her book, standing up to move towards her bedroom. If things were as urgent as this unknown caller claimed they were, she had to get moving now. Part of her hoped Fangs knew not to talk after their meeting yesterday, but she could never be sure- the pressure of formal questioning by the town’s Sheriff made intelligent people do uncharacteristic things.

“Sorry, who is this?” she asked, setting her phone down on her bedside cabinet and putting it on loud speaker as she threw her towel across the room and shook her hair out, the damp stands flying wildly across her face.

“My name’s Jughead, I’m friends with Fangs Fogarty,” Robin hung her robe behind her door and pulled out a navy suit, chucking it on her bed as she buttoned up a white blouse. “I found your number on Google.”

Robin let out a breathy millisecond of a laugh, zipping up her trousers and pulling on her blazer, sitting on the edge of her bed in front of her mirror ready to pull her hair into a neat bun. The mirror sat against her wall, big and imposing. The wood around it was chipped, the varnish peeling in some places, and it looked rough against her appointed room. “How long ago was Fangs arrested?”

“About 10 minutes ago, they’ll be back at the Sheriff’s Office now. Please hurry, I don’t trust Minetta with him. He almost got us killed last night.”

Robin paused, furrowing her brows for a moment before carrying on with her bun. She knew teenagers had a habit of exaggerating things, she’d dealt with many over her years, but something about Jughead’s voice told her that he was being honest. “What do you mean?”

“We had to push our way out of the Station yesterday into an angry mob with no police support and then the mob came and attacked us at our trailer park and surprise surprise, Minetta was nowhere to be seen,” Jughead’s voice was laced with sarcasm and disdain, his face on the other side of the line emulating it in his expression. Robin shook her head and stood up, slipping her low-heeled shoes on before scooping up her files from her desk and grabbing her car keys.

She picked up her phone, turning it off loudspeaker and wedging it between ear and shoulder again. “Okay, well thank you for your call, I’m leaving for the Station now so I’ll be there soon. Don’t worry about Fangs, he’s in good hands.”

---

Robin strutted into the Sheriff’s Office, files in hand as she checked herself in and proceeded towards the meeting room to see Fangs. She’d called the Office as soon as she got off the phone with Jughead to book a meeting with her client. Riverdale policy meant she had to book meetings in advance so that the Sheriff’s department could log them- it was an inconvenient policy that probably infringed on federal laws, but public defending didn’t bring in enough money for Robin to be able to fund a class action lawsuit against the town.

She opened the door to find Fangs sat with his head against the table, skin paled and covered in nicks from the implosion of his trailer window from not even 12 hours ago. Robin sat down opposite him, sending him a short hello as she waited for him to look up at her so that she could begin their meeting. When he didn’t, she sat back in her chair to get comfortable.

“I can sit here all day,” she mused, looking at her short nails as she set her pen down. She was hoping he would bite on the line she’d strung, but he didn’t. She thought back to earlier, about what Jughead said on the phone, trying to figure out a way to coax him into conversation. “A little birdie told me that you had some trouble getting out of the Station last night and that that trouble followed you home.”

Fangs’ body visibly tensed against the table and he raised his head a little, peaking out at Robin over his forearm. “Who told you that?”

“One of your friends called me to let me know that you were in here and he mentioned it. Something to do with a jug,” Robin replied, her face scrunching up as she tried to remember her earlier caller’s name. Fangs’ body rocked against the table as he laughed a little at her response. He sat up in his seat, crossing his arms across his chest as a stoic look settled on his face. A ghost of a smile took place on Robin’s face for a fleeting moment, pleased that she’d finally gotten him to engage in conversation. “Want to talk to me about it?”

“No,” Fangs answered shortly. “I don’t want to talk today.”

Robin leaned forward, setting her elbows on the table. “Why not? You seemed pleased to meet me yesterday and today you don’t want to talk.”

Fangs grumbled, rubbing his bagged eyes and running a hand through his hair. He dropped his head back to stare at the ceiling, his hands coming to settle on top of the table. “You work with the Sheriff.”

Robin rolled her eyes and laughed to herself, causing Fangs’ head to snap forward to look at her with narrowed eyes, a scowl taking over his face. “We may both work in law, but it’s on different sides of the coin; he’s working to prosecute you and I’m a public defender. I work against him. And if that’s not enough to settle your mind, I think he’s a self-righteous asshole.”

The room fell silent. Robin sat back again in her chair, crossing her legs under the table. “You don’t trust me, I get it,” she started, shrugging her shoulders. “You’ve been arrested and you’re afraid and now I’m asking you to talk to me, someone you met only yesterday, about a situation that is clearly sensitive for you.” Robin had seen it a few times in her career- a total shut down, but usually after realising that it wasn’t worth it, they would come around. She knew it would be harder with Fangs and she’d have to give a little to get a little. “Ask me something, anything. Ask me whatever you want- whether the weather is okay or what my biggest fear is- and I’ll answer you truthfully. I’ll open up to you first and then, if you want to, you can open up to me.”

Fangs quirked an eyebrow. She was right. He was terrified and he didn’t know who he could trust, or if he could even trust himself enough to get through this ordeal without turning to dust and blowing away in the wind. Robin was a stranger, a stranger he was now expected to trust with his life.

“What were you like when you were my age?” Fangs asked quietly, looking down at the table, picking at a scab on his forearm from the night before.

Robin laughed a little, thinking back to her younger days. “I was a strange mixture of a normal high schooler and bit of a troublemaker,” she started, catching Fangs interest as he leaned forward slightly to listen in, his attention drawn away from his nicked skin. “I went to school, did all my homework, got good grades- classic stuff that you’d expect from an attorney, right? But then I used to sneak out, throw eggs at cars when it was Halloween and sometimes, I’d steal stuff for the adrenaline. I grew up a few towns over from here and we had a bar right by where I used to live; one time I stole a full-length mirror from there with my best friend and no one noticed. I still have it in my bedroom.”

Fangs’ mouth hung open slightly before cracking into a small smile. He mumbled to himself in disbelief at how his law enforcing public attorney could have been at all similar to his own childhood. How she could go from causing trouble like him to having a job that he felt was out of his grasp, or out of any troublemaking teenager’s grasp? “Okay, so if you did all that stuff then why are you an attorney?”

“Because I never got caught and that was great for me, but other kids I knew did get caught when they were my age and when they were older, and I saw what having a criminal conviction can do to someone’s life.” Robin frowned, pressing her lips together before shooting Fangs a shallow smile that didn’t quite meet her eyes. There was more to her answer and her body went rigid as she thought about the details, the hairs on her arms prickling up as she considered telling Fangs more. “My brother, Alex, went to prison when I was applying for university.”

Fangs blinked back at her, not sure how to proceed. He didn’t know if it would be insensitive to ask questions, but god did he want to know more about it.

Robin watched his reaction carefully, seeing his eyes light up for a moment. She was surprised when nothing followed. “Aggravated battery,” she told him simply, shrugging her shoulders as her gaze dropped to the table and she chewed her lip. “He was walking his girlfriend home and some guy started giving them hassle. Alex told the guy to leave them alone, but he followed them and started talking about the things he wanted to do to his girlfriend. Alex got into a scuffle with the guy, they exchanged a few punches and then he shoved the man as hard as he could and he fell over, hit his head on the pavement and nearly died.”

“Then what happened?” Fangs asked quietly, leaning forward on his elbows.

“I went to his trial every day and watched the attorneys. I saw how they manipulated each fact, every word he said, to fit their narratives, whether they were true or not,” Robin’s voice was quiet. “He got 12 years, because even though he claimed it was an accident, the guy hit his head so hard that he had a depressed fracture on his skull and he had to have surgery. I applied to law school because of what I saw in that trial and because I wanted to be able to stop people from going through the same thing he did.”

Robin thought about her brother. He wasn’t the same person he was before he went to prison; he was tattooed, had a buzzcut, didn’t seem to have the same drive as he did before. Prison had taken everything Robin loved about Alex, mercilessly, and just left the bones. Sometimes there was nothing behind his eyes and that scared her. The boy she’d grown up with; who’d helped her sneak out of the house, who bought her alcohol before she was 21 for her to take to parties, who taught her how to ride her bike, was compartmentalised somewhere deep inside his mind, and had been replaced with a paranoid and distrusting version of who she once knew. All because of a freak accident.

She saw a lot of the old Alex in Fangs, and that scared her too. “What are you scared of?” Fangs asked, dropping his head to the right in anticipation of what she would say as he dragged her attention away from the blackhole she was being drawn into by her own mind.

“Someone who’s innocent going to jail because of me- at the moment, that someone is you, Fangs,” she said simply. A silence settled across the room and the gravity of the situation settled on Fangs like a dust. Robin was a complex. She came across as brutally honest, almost fearless, but Fangs had seen a side to her that humanised her. “Are you going to talk to me now? It’s just going to be the basics, there’s nothing to be nervous about, I promise.”

Fangs gave her a small nod, uncrossing his arms and setting them openly on table in front of him. He had to trust her, not just with the truth of the situation, but with his life, because she was the only one who could get him out of this mess. He had to believe in her, and he hoped that she believed in him too.

“Let’s start with yesterday. What happened?”

“God,” Fangs mumbled to himself, sighing heavily as he thought back to the night before. “Long story short, they released me pretty late in the day. My friends turned up, along with a mob who basically wanted to see me dead and the Sheriff just sent us out into the riot with no support. And then the mob turned up at my trailer park and there was a fight and that’s how I got all these.” Fangs spoke, referring to the scabs all over the underside of his arms from where he shielded himself, and a few rogue cuts on his face.

“Did you recognise any of the people who came to the trailer park?” Robin asked as she wrote Fangs’ recount in her notebook, her brows furrowed in frustration at what he was telling her. He nodded in response to her question, recalling the names of Reggie Mantle, Moose Mason and a few of the other football players from the year below. “Tell me about things with Midge. As you’re aware, a video of you two has been leaked by the Riverdale Register, but I want to hear about it in your own words.”

“She was like a life raft in a storm,” Fangs sighed desperately before he could even think, a weight settling on his heart as he thought of Midge. He thought back to seeing her on stage, gone, and how much potential she had shown in rehearsals. How much he’d grown to appreciate her company. “Midge was cast as Carrie in the musical after Cheryl Blossom couldn’t fulfil the part. She was a few weeks behind everyone else, so I offered to help her rehearse because I was the Assistant Director and she seemed pretty stressed. It made sense for me to at least offer to help.”

Robin nodded, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “And how did those rehearsals go?”

“They were the highlight of my week,” Fangs breathed tenderly in response, tapping his fingers against the table in an off-beat. “She was great to work with, but she was also the best person. She was one of the only Northsiders who didn’t care about where I lived or what kind of person other people thought I was, even if those other people were her friends and her boyfriend. She made me feel wanted, like I wasn’t some piece of Southside shit who didn’t deserve to be at Riverdale High. Like a human being.”

“And so what were you doing in her dressing room when your friend walked in with his camera?”

Fangs paused, wondering how much detail to go into. “Midge and I got closer because of how much time we were spending together between our extra rehearsals and the normal rehearsals with the rest of the Carrie crew,” he chewed his lip, sucking in a deep breath. “The day before the musical, we crossed a line. I was in her dressing room talking to her about it and about her boyfriend, Moose, when Jughead walked in and caught us together.”

Robin quirked an eyebrow as she continued to write in abbreviated notes. She could already envision the things the prosecution would try to paint Fangs as and how they would pin it on him- a crime of passion; he killed her because he couldn’t have her. She’d have to find a new suspect. “Isn’t there a serial killer lurking around these parts picking people off?”

“Yeah, the Black Hood.” Fangs recalled quickly. “He tried to kill Midge and Moose before. They were in Moose’s car, parked up in the woods and he shot into it at them out of the blue- Moose barely survived it all.”

Bingo, Robin thought as she emboldened and underlined the words Black Hood a few times in her notebook. She believed the Black Hood was a plausible suspect, but whether a jury would believe that after the prosecution twisted the story would be another thing.

“And what did you do after Jughead walked in on you? Where were you when Midge’s body was discovered?” Robin asked, internally crossing her fingers for an alibi that could be corroborated.

“I went outside for a cigarette to calm down by myself. And then I went to find my seat in the audience- that’s where I was when they found her.” Fangs’ posture changed to something smaller, and his eyes glazed over as he recalled the moment Midge was found suspended with knives on the backdrop of the play. The way her head dropped to the side, devoid of anything that resembled life, of anything that resembled the girl he’d grown so fond of. She was an empty vessel.

“Okay, well that’s all I’m going to ask for now- I just wanted some preliminary information to get the ball rolling at this point. I’ll need more detail at a later date, but we’ll go over that another time. I can see things are getting harder for you the longer we go on, so now seems like a good place to stop,” Robin sympathised, slipping her notepad in her bag. She smiled at him, a real smile where her eyes crinkled at the sides, kind of like the smile his Mum had given him when he got home last night. Those were the first real smiles he’d seen since Midge had been killed. “Actually, one more question; your arraignment hearing will be in the next week, what are you planning on pleading?”

“Not guilty,” Fangs practically shouted as soon as the word ‘pleading’ left Robin’s mouth. A bigger smile took over Robin’s face; court was a stage where she came into her element. She was almost a different person when she was in front of an audience in a court room. She hoped that she wouldn’t end up on her stage like Midge did, for Fangs’ sake. She could recover from losing a case, it was a fact of life that no lawyer would win every case they ever had, but he would never recover if she didn’t win this case for him.

“Good,” Robin spoke pointedly. “That means we’ve got a battle on our hands. We’re going to war Fangs, and I’m going to ride with you until the death.”

---

Fangs’ arraignment hearing was the first time he’d been to a court and he felt like he couldn’t breathe as he reluctantly climbed the steps into unfamiliar territory. It was a hunting ground and he was the prey.

The court was large, it was imposing, and it was devoid of anything that wasn’t judicial. All cases from Riverdale, Greendale, Midvale and the surrounding towns were held there, and so to accommodate the volume of people who found themselves within its confines, the court house was sizeable and impressive. It was akin to a Roman temple; eight Corinthian Columns guarded the entrance, with ‘The true administration of justice is the firmest pillar of Government’ engraved proudly on the entablature of the building.

It was where people came to have their fate sealed, and Fangs could already feel the metaphorical handcuffs tightening around his wrists.

“Impressive, right?” A familiar voice called behind him, punctuated by the clicking of stiletto heels as Robin approached, carrying nothing but a slim file of notes on his case. She shot him a small smile and nodded forwards with her head. “Come on, you’re next on the docket in court room five.”

The inside of the court house unsettled Fangs even more. Though Robin walked through it with her head held high and the confidence of a lioness, he could feel himself getting smaller by the second. Around him were people of every kin and creed, some looking as nervous as he felt and some looking like they’d done this a few times before. It didn’t make him feel any better to know that other people felt the same way that he did, as he followed behind Robin, dragging his feet to prolong the inevitable.

A shrill wail grabbed his attention as an older lady was ejected from a court room not too far from him. Her face was red, tears pouring from her eyes as she hyperventilated, breath catching in her throat. Her hair was a deep brown, almost black, like his Mother’s mane of waved hair, and he felt his body tingle with chills as she cried out in anguish that’s my son, you can’t do this, that’s my baby. A shaky breath rattled its way out of his throat and he tried to dispel any thoughts that were beginning to creep into his head, but he couldn’t quite extinguish the thought that that could he his own Mum crying out for him soon. It made him sick to the pit of his stomach to imagine her feeling that much anguish, caused by him.

Fangs couldn’t quite believe that he’d found himself in this situation, perusing through the court that held his future in its grasp, all because he’d been in the wrong place at the wrong time, and lived on the wrong side of town. Part of him had decided that this was his fate, but a dwindling part of him knew that he didn’t deserve this. The longer this all went on, the more he felt like he deserved every bad thing that came his way- he felt like he had blood on his hands, even if he didn’t kill Midge.

Within a few minutes Robin stopped outside of a large oak door, titled Court Room 5. Her lips quirked into a small smile as she turned to Fangs, her expression lighter than usual and her posture straight. She could not have appeared any more different to him in that moment. She was clearly more comfortable here than in the Sheriff’s Office, but Fangs didn’t mirror her confidence, even though this whole trial was down to what she could make the jury believe was the truth.

“This is just an arraignment hearing. Judge Vines will go over your charges, ask you if you’re guilty or not guilty and then she’ll decide on a bail charge if she deems you eligible for it, okay?” Robin asked, setting a reassuring hand on Fangs’ shoulder to steady his nerves.

Fangs could barely muster a small nod before Robin pushed the large oak door open, a low creek sounding from the joints as she walked up the isle and settled in her seat before the Judge’s bench. Fangs sat next to her nervously, twiddling his hands in his lap to disguise his shaking and to give his mind something to focus on.

“All rise,” The Court Clerk announced, causing he, Robin and the opposing counsel to rise from their seats in anticipation, as a petite middle-aged judge entered the room with a small nod to all present. “The court of Midvale is now in session, Judge R Vines is presiding, please be seated.”

“Good morning everyone,” Vines welcomed, sitting in her seat at the head of the court room as mumbles of good morning sounded from around the court in return. “This is the case of Riverdale against Fogarty. Is Mr Fogarty prepared to enter a plea in relation to the charges of first-degree murder at this time?”

Robin glanced at Fangs briefly before turning her attention back to Judge Vines. “Yes, Your Honour, he is.”

“Okay, Mr Fogarty, I’m going to read you your charge and then I’m going to ask you to give me a plea as to each charge,” Vines started, looking at him as she put her glasses on. “The grand juries charge that on the 20thday of March 2018 in the town of Riverdale you, Fangs Fogarty, did feloniously, willingly, deliberately, intentionally and with pre-mediation, kill Midge Klump. How do you plead to that charge?”

Fangs swallowed deeply, feeling his throat instantly dry as he stood to address the Judge. He could feel himself fidgeting with the hem of his blazer as he tried to compose himself. Today was the first time outside of a wedding that he’d worn a full suit, and he felt vulnerable without his leather armour to protect him. Nothing about this situation was comfortable, nor reassuring, even with Robin beside him. “Not guilty.”

Vines send him a nod and made a few notes at her bench, the Clerk in front of her typing frantically to keep up with the transcript of the hearing. It was all so formal and whilst Robin was swimming, Fangs was drowning at an alarming rate.

“Let’s go to the next issue,” Judge Vines stated, shuffling some papers around on her desk as she looked for the correct memorandum amongst all her other files. “I understand from your email, Ms White, that the prosecution has a deal they are willing to extent to Mr Fogarty?”

“Yes, Your Honour,” Ms White answered quickly as she stood, a frown etched into her face as her skin settled into its natural lines. Years spent in the court room advocating for the administration of justice had aged her- grey hairs grew freely from stress and she had a face akin to aged leather. “In lieu of having a trial, the State is prepared to offer Mr Fogarty a lesser sentence in exchange for a guilty plea. We are currently pursuing a term of life imprisonment without the possibility of parole due to the nature of the offence- we are instead willing to offer Mr Fogarty a term of 25 years imprisonment with the opportunity of parole after 10 years has been served, if he enters a guilty plea to the offence in question, namely, the first-degree murder of Midge Klump.”

Whilst Fangs Fogarty felt like his heart had stopped right there and then, Robin was rolling her eyes at the audacity of the plea deal.

“Miss Allard, whilst you’re rolling your eyes let me remind you that you have a legal duty as an attorney to present and discuss this deal with Mr Fogarty in full,” Ms White remarked, peering around Fangs at Robin.

Robin met White’s eyes with a stony glare. Her eyebrows straightened out on her face, drawing together and causing an angry shadow over her eyes. White may have had confidence due to her District Attorney title, but Robin liked being the underdog. The bigger they are, the harder they fall and Robin liked it when they fell hard. It made winning all that much sweeter to know that she’d cut the legs out from underneath someone who thought they had the case in the bag.

“Your Honour, I’d like to ask for a small recess to discuss this with my client.” Robin asked bluntly, biting her tongue at White’s previous comment in an order to remain professional. If this was in any other situation, Robin would have come back with an equally sarcastic remark in response, but in the court, she couldn’t afford to damage Fangs’ case with her own attitude.

“Recess granted. Be back here within 30 minutes, Miss Allard. I’ve got other cases on the docket to hear today.”

Inside a meeting room across the hall from the court room, Fangs felt like he was going to be sick. The prospect of a lifetime in prison made him feel numb, and 25 years didn’t seem any better. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place. He didn’t want to go to prison but gambling the prospect of a lesser sentence with a 50/50 chance of losing didn’t seem like a much better position to be in. His head was swimming with thoughts, none of them helpful.

“Fangs-“

“I want to take it,” he blurted out, his eyes glazing over as he chewed his bottom lip hard enough to draw blood. “I want to take the plea deal.”

Robin stared at Fangs, her eye twitching slightly as she tried to keep her face expressionless, however her features were clouded by something between sadness and anger. It soon hardened into a glare that was dark enough to swallow all the light in the room, and Fangs could feel the oxygen depleting the longer he stared into her eyes.

“If you truly did not hurt Midge Klump, why on God’s green Earth would you even consider taking a plea deal?” she spat quietly, not wanting to raise her voice too loudly for anyone outside of the closed door to hear.

“Because 25 years is better than never seeing the light of day again. I don’t want to never see my Mum again, or my friends- I want to look forward to being able to ride my motorbike, to feel the wind in my hair and to see sunsets, or to see anything outside of the same prison walls. 25 years isn’t that long, especially if I have the possibility for parole after 10. I’d rather be in for 25 years than forever.”

Robin sucked in a deep breath and put her face in her hands. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing and had heard enough of Fangs’ panicking- he needed a wakeup call and he needed one now. He was floundering. Ms White knew exactly what she was doing- he was a teenager who would make irrational decisions just because they seemed better at the time, without thinking of the consequences for himself later. Robin knew she needed to snap him out of this now before White got into his head too deeply for her to be able to help.

“I’m going to need you to shut up and get a grip. Right now,” Robin spoke pointedly, raising her eyebrows, daring Fangs to disobey her. “Why do you think the prosecution is offering you a plea deal at this stage in the case? Because their case isn’t solid, and they want you to plead guilty so that they don’t have to lose to us in court. If their case was sound, they wouldn’t even bother offering you a lesser sentence, they’d carry on gunning for life without parole. You won’t be walking into an easy life if you take that plea deal, you know that, right? You’ll be somewhere between 27 and 42 when you eventually leave prison, and no one is going to want to hire someone who pled guilty to murder. You’re setting yourself up for failure, Fangs.”

Fangs stood from his seat, slamming his hand on the desk in front of him in frustration. “You won’t understand because you never got caught when you were younger, but my life is on the line here and I don’t want to gamble my chance at some kind of freedom even if it’s in 25 years’ time. You don’t get to make this decision for me, you don’t get to gamble with my life!”

Robin took a long, deep breath, revelling at the way it filled her lungs and expelled some of the frustration she could feel bubbling away inside her. Her anger was ugly, but it was because she cared. She didn’t want to see him throw his life away because he was scared. She knew it was hard for people to put their trust in her to pull through, to save them, but part of her felt hurt that he wouldn’t let her help him. Just when she thought they were making progress, they started to struggle again.

She wondered if it was because she was usually closed off or too self-assured, or whether Fangs just didn’t think she could do it. But all she wanted was for him to trust her to do the right thing, to trust that she had his back and wouldn’t let him fall to the same fate that her brother had.

She didn’t want him to turn out like Alex.

“You’re right, I can’t make that decision for you- it’s ultimately yours to make. But, it’s better to have fought for your innocence and lost, than to have never fought for it at all. If you’re found guilty, we can appeal the decision, but I will not let you go down without a fight and I fully intend for you to walk out of that court room as a free man,” she shrugged, twiddling her thumbs at her stomach. “This is about what you want, that’s true, but I bet you that your family and your friends would hate to see you go down without even trying to prove that you’re innocent, without fighting to prove that you want to stay with them. Just think about it and about them, please.”

Robin didn’t know whether Fangs would choose to take the plea deal or not, but she hoped that she’d gotten through to him that she would do everything in her power to prove that he was innocent, whether that meant sleepless nights every day until the trial was over, or using every contact she knew to pull strings and obtain information.

She would go to the ends of the earth to save him from a fate like Alex’s.

---

“Miss Allard, have you and Mr Fogarty come to a decision about whether you will be accepting the deal presented to you by Ms White?” Judge Vines asked, her glance shifting between Robin and Fangs as she waited for an answer.

Robin chewed her lip uneasily, passing a quick look over Fangs before turning her attention back to the presiding judge. “Yes, Your Honour, we have.”

Robin held her breath as she waited to hear Fangs’ decision. She knew this was hard on him. He was a 17-year-old boy who had been thrown in at the deep end and was looking for something to keep him afloat, and Robin just wished he’d take her hand so that she could pull him to safety, but he seemed constantly just out of reaching distance, being pulled out by the current.

“I will not be accepting the State’s plea deal, Judge Vines.”

Stress rolled off of Robin’s shoulders and relief filtered through every cell in her body. She gave Fangs a small squeeze on the wrist and a lopsided smile as a silent thank you for trusting her, having finally managed to reach him in the rising tide before the swell washed him away.

“As long as you’re sure, Mr Fogarty, you know you won’t have an opportunity to change your mind on this decision?” Judge Vines asked carefully, waiting for Fangs to nod at her before she continued. “Okay, the next matter is setting a date for trial. The Defendant has a right to a speedy trial, so it has to begin within the next 60 days. Does anyone have any specific dates in mind?”

“Yes, Your Honour,” Ms White spoke up, flicking through her diary on the desk parallel to Robin and Fangs. “I have a trail in another State in 30 days so I would like to request that the trial begin in 21 days’ time. I believe that that allows adequate time for both the prosecution and defence to prepare and it ensures that the trial will be over before I have to leave. I anticipate the trial will last 5-6 days so it should be over before I am due to appear in Pennsylvania. My trial in Pennsylvania may take a considerable period, so to err on the side of caution, I think it’s best to have the Defendant’s trial sooner rather than later.”

“21 days’ time from today is fine for the fefence too, Your Honour, in the interest of Mr Fogarty receiving his right to a speedy trial,” Robin looked between White and Vines, the three of them giving a collective nod as the two attorneys added the date to their calendars and the clerk entered it into the online court system. “And in relation to Mr Fogarty’s bail, we would like to request that he be released on his own recognisance, if possible.”

“Own recognisance,” Judge Vines mused to herself, searching through her files to find her sheet on bail orders. “Mr Fogarty, how long have you lived in Riverdale?”

“I’ve been here for three years, Your Honour, my family moved here from another State.”

Vines nodded, writing some notes on her sheet before posing another question. “And do you swear that you will attend court on the specified date 21 days from today?”

“Yes,” Fangs practically bit her hand off in eagerness as he answered, causing Vines to laugh to herself as she made more notes and ticked a few boxes. “I promise, I’ll be here. I swear it.”

“Miss Allard, can you corroborate that?”

“Yes, I can,” Robin answered, giving Fangs a small smile, her nose wrinkling slightly as she did so. “Just over a week ago, Mr Fogarty was attacked by a mob upon being released from police custody, and subsequently again at his own trailer park. The fact that he is still in Riverdale today, despite the growing hostility against him and attempted threats at his life, proves to me that if he was going to leave Riverdale he would have done so already. I will personally make sure he’s here, Judge Vines.”

“Okay Mr Fogarty, I don’t think you’re a threat to society, nor to I think you’re going to up and run away from Riverdale between now and the start of your trial, so I’m going to release you on OR bail which means there’s no charge to pay now, but if you breach any conditions of the order you will be reprimanded into jail and bail will be set at $250,000, do you understand?”

“Yes, Your Honour, I understand,” Fangs replied with a hint of excitement underlining his voice as he turned to look at Robin with a grin on his face. The smile didn’t quite make it all the way to his tired eyes, but this was something she hadn’t seen from him in the short time she’d known him. Genuine happiness and glee at the thought of being able to live a semi-normal life for the next 21 days, before the trial began and his chances at freedom plunged into something murkier and more unsure.

Something about him already seemed lighter and it gave her a glimpse into the type of person he was before he found himself in this mess.

“I’ll see you all in 21 days’ time, I expect to see you here with bells on Mr Fogarty. Don’t make me regret my decision,” Vines called out as she began to leave the court room, ready to reside in her chambers before the next case on her docket started.

The next 21 days would be a taste of freedom for Fangs, and he’d finally be able to live a semi-normal life, even if it was only for three short weeks. He could go to Pop’s for a burger, or to the Wyrm, sit outside in the sun with Sweet Pea and Jubilee, or help his Mum cook dinner without worrying about what was coming next. He could be teenager again and maybe he’d stop seeing Midge in his nightmares if he could finally relax a little bit.

Or so he hoped he would be able to do all that, but things wouldn’t be that easy when everyone knew your face.

[coffee-and-a-cardigan]

Bruises of the Mind-Anxiety

My honest truth about anxiety

So as most of you know, I have briefly mentioned mentioned my anxiety. Well lucky for you, ya’ll get a whole blog post about it. There is so much stigma and misconceptions about anxiety that it is sickening. Like people, come on, it is 2019, almost 2020, please change your mindsets about this. Mental health is just as important, or even more, then physical health. In some cases, mental health is either the make of break of someone's life. I think that in this day and age, this should be taken a hell of a lot more seriously than it has been. 

I have high functioning anxiety. There, I said it. As an adult in their early 20′s, looking back, I am seeing all the red flags, triggers and early signs of my anxiety. I wish I would have had someone in my life who understood and knew about it so it could have been handled and approached appropriately at an early age. One of the first signs was socializing. When my small family would go out to eat, I would often bring a book or a Nintendo or something to entertain myself. I would focus on that item and that item only. Otherwise, I got super nervous. I could hear every plate scratch, every single bite, and every conversation. My brain was not able to filter these sounds and I didn’t know how to handle it other than distract myself. I was often told by older relatives that I should talk and be more respectful at the table and not play around. Obviously this came as a big slap in the face to me at a young age because if I tried to explain, they would say ‘”it is all in your head.” I’ve heard that excuse a lot. I don’t enjoy family gatherings either. They ask the same damn questions every time. “How is work/school?” “Still no boyfriend?” etc. I once was asked about how my fall semester of classes was going. I replied, saying mostly well except I was having to commute alone everyday due to a friend having a different schedule and it sucked. Despite me being vocal and answering their question truthfully, they bashed me by saying “well that is what you get for choosing a community college that far away.” After that, I had a panic attack in the bathroom and spent the rest of that ‘gathering’ in the bathroom hiding. I have hated those gathering since. As a child, I would obsess over a certain item. If I didn’t know where it was, I needed to find it right then and my brain would not rest until I found it. This lead to me staying up till 1 or 2 in the morning searching for that one item. It could be as useless as an extra $10 calculator but I just had to find it. This happened numerous times over the years over various items. I would often get told “you need to calm down.” Which honestly did nothing but piss me off and make me want to look even harder.

I didn’t fully comprehend my anxiety until college. Compared to most of my other classmates, I chose to go to a community college. I wasn’t able to afford a university and due to my mom’s health, it just wasn’t an option at that time. Don’t get me wrong, community college was great and I made some good friends and memories while attending there. But at the time, I was frustrated, confused, and anxious about the whole situation. I excelled in my classes early on. I was even able to take a few extra classes and do a few independent studies which I am thankful for. At that time, I had wanted to graduate and go one to be an agriculture teacher. My teachers could see me excel and try my best on everything. I was picked to be a representative for our department to introduce guest speakers at a conference the school was hosting. I said “no” repeatedly but my teacher had other ideas. A few of the other students told me “to get over my anxiety. and that it wasn’t a big deal” My teacher told me about how even though he teaches us everyday, a small class of maybe 15, he still had issues handling it mentally. That floored me. How could a teacher have anxiety and be nervous about speaking in front of students when that is the job that he chose? He was finally able to talk me into doing it. I dressed nicely for that day; the conference shirt, nice jeans, and a cardigan. I was given cards with a little blurb about the guest speaker. I sucked it up and did it with confidence. I got a few compliments from people that I knew saying I did an excellent job . When someone is struggling, like I was, positive reinforcement means a lot to someone. 

As an adult, my anxiety is still there and makes its appearance regularly. When I am super stressed at work, my anxiety gets super high. Some days I have the “I don’t give a shit” attitude and others I am constantly worried or obsessing over something minor. And it seems lately that it is either one or the other. And honestly, it sucks.Often I wish I could just tell my brain to be quiet for just a few minutes.Some days I will talk your ear off and others I won’t speak a word to anyone. I am very thankful for a few good friends and coworkers who understand my anxiety and it means the world to me. When approaching someone with anxiety or someone who is having a super off day, it is super important on what you say to them. Please do not say the following

1) It is all in your head.

2) You need to calm down.

3) Get over your anxiety, it is not a big deal.

Please, please, please do not say these things. We are not purposely trying to panic over the small stuff, it is just how our brains are wired. And do not poke at the people who have to take medications for their mental health. It is just as important as someone taking a daily allergy medicine or what have you. These medications really do help. Yes, it takes a while to find the right medicine and the right dosage but they can make a difference. But whether you chose to be on medications is totally up to you and your physician. But lets be honest people, EVERYONE IS GOING TO HAVE AN OFF OR BAD DAY. That is just how it works. Everyone handles things differently. So please be more considerate and kind towards mental health issues. Thanks.

[927roses-and-stuff]

Chameleon: Paving the Way to the Truth- Ch 02

Hey guys! So, I’ve decided to continue as I have so many ideas on how to expose Lila, and other subplots and characterization I could play with as I go along. Also, you guys have been asking for me to continue, and I would be lying if I said that didn’t motivate me.

SO thank you so much. <3

Also, I’m trying to experiment with switching POVs a bit more often to make the chapters a bit longer (like I said, I take more of a direct approach), and wanted to know what you guys think!

Anyways, hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: Miraculous Ladybug belongs to Thomas Astruc and the ZAG team.

SEASON THREE SPOILERS DUDES

P.S. At the time I’m writing this, I’m only on the first scene with Lila and I’m already so done with her. (That’s why it’s so short)

P.P.S. Petty Adrien makes an appearance and for once, it’s not because of Ladybug!

First    Fanfic   Next 

The loud ringing of the bell caused Adrien and Marinette to pull apart from their trance. Marinette shot upwards and almost tripped herself running to the door.

“Come on, Adrien! We’re going to be late!”

Adrien chuckled and followed her lead into the courtyard outside. Students were rushing towards their classes on the upper floors, and the volume had decreased as conversations came to a close. The only consistent chatter that could be heard at this point was from Lila on the bench who was bragging to Rose and Juleka. The short blonde seemed to hang onto her every word, gasping in awe at exactly the right moments.

Adrien frowned and headed towards them. How could Lila act so innocent after what she did to Marinette?

He turned around when he felt a light tug on his arm. Marinette sent him a questioning glance.

Adrien smiled and said, “Remember when I said I’d try to reason with her?”

“Yeah. But now?” Marinette scrunched her eyebrows. “I didn’t think you’d do it so soon.”

Adrien gripped Marinette’s hand into his and squeezed it. “If I can reason with her now, she might not go through with threatening you later.”

Marinette frowned. “You don’t have to fight my battles for me, Adrien.”

“We’re a team now, right?” Adrien smiled. “And I don’t want to fight your battles for you, I want to battle them with you.”

Marinette sighed resignedly. “I’m coming with you, then. Maybe not actually be there, but near enough that I can intervene if needed.”

Adrien frowned. “You don’t trust me?”

“What?!” Marinette’s eyes widened into saucers as her arms flailed around. “No! I do trust you, I just don’t trust her. I just want to be there in case she threatens you or something.”

Adrien smiled and placed a hand on her shoulder. “I’ll be okay. Maybe you should go to the class and try explaining to them your side of the story?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Her blue eyes wandered off to the side in thought. “It would be nice to make peace with them.” Her shoulders dropped as she pondered and she sighed heavily. “I don’t want to apologize for something that’s not my fault though.”

Adrien took a hold of her other shoulder and gave her a reassuring squeeze.  “You don’t have to. We rearranged the seats without asking you. I know I’ve only been here for a year but our class is super nice and will definitely the time to listen to you, Marinette!”

Marinette gave him a small smile. Adrien hoped that meant that she believed that too. “Well, I guess you seem like you have everything under control with Lila. I’ll take your advice this time.” She took a deep breath before heading for class. Adrien watched her go before refocusing his attentions on Lila, who was now waving goodbye to Rose and Juleka. She stood up and headed for the stairs.

This was Adrien’s chance.

“Hey, Lila!” Adrien greeted as he approached her. Lila’s eyes narrowed before returning his greeting in a sickly sweet voice.

“Adrien! I haven’t seen you since this morning!”

Did she mean the same morning she kissed him as an akuma and made him faint to get his and Ladybug’s miraculous? After he tried to make peace with her? Adrien tried his best not to scoff, but to quote Chloe, this was utterly ridiculous.

“Yeah,” he said and rubbed the back of his neck. “About that, I was just talking to Marinette and-.”

Lila gasped and held her hands to her chest. “Oh, is she okay? The last time I saw her she was in the washroom and the poor girl seemed so angry! I don’t understand why she hates me so much!” Lila looked away from him and hid her eyes behind her bangs, her lips curled into a pout.

“It’s because she knows that you’re lying, Lila,” Adrien states. “And she also told me that you threatened her in that bathroom when you found her.”

Lila gasped and stepped back. “Me? I would never! If anything she’s the one threatening me!”

Adrien observed her stance. Her right arm was clenched in a fist beside her, and her left hand rested lightly on her chest. A defensive stance that was similar to the one Chloe or her mother used all the time.

“Lila. I know that you’re lying. And I know that you told Marinette that you would keep her away from her friends, Lila. That isn’t okay! I told you that you would turn everyone against you if you kept lying, but you’ll do so much worse than that if you harm the people who are trying to stop you!”

Adrien’s voice had risen into a shout and the few students that were still passing by turned to look at them. Adrien maintained his stance against their stares, but it seemed like this was the type of attention Lila didn’t want. She roughly grabbed his wrist and dragged him into an empty classroom nearby.

“Hey!”

Lila practically threw him inside and slammed the door shut. When she turned back to him, her snarl had deepened, and she stomped towards him, and shoved a finger on his chest.

“Look, I don’t know exactly what Marinette’s been telling you, but I told you that I don’t need you to lecture me like Ladybug did. For the record, I only told Marinette that if she told the class that I was lying, she’d end up being alone. I mean, obviously, they aren’t going to believe her over me.”

Hot anger bubbled within Adrien and he narrowed his eyes; he recognized Lila’s diction and how it twisted the events to make it look like she had been the victim. Fortunately, he knew who he could trust.

“They only believe you because you’re lying to them. But one day, your lies are going to become too much for even you to handle. And who do you think they’re going to believe then?”

Adrien pushed Lila’s hand from his chest and stared at Lila, his expression mirroring his father’s: cold and unyielding. Then he turned away from her and walked past. Before he could reach for the doorknob, she declared,

“You know Marinette likes you, right? That’s why she’s so angry at me. I have the seat she wants.”

Adrien froze for a second before grasping the doorknob and opening the door wide open.

“Yeah, I know.” He said. “But we both know that isn’t the real reason, Lila. And I recommend you don’t threaten my friends in the future. Otherwise, I might just drop a hint about our last outing.”

He shut the door before she could say anything more. His heart was pounding from the interaction. He had never been too confrontational, preferring to be sneaky or passive as possible. Being aggressive had always been Chloe’s job. He stayed in the shadows and did his own thing from there, or let other people lead him in the spotlight, like his father does. That was a rare occurrence, and that was the first time that he couldn’t see a peaceful outcome from it. He had meant to give her an ultimatum, a bargain, a means to an end. Yet, he had threatened her.

Adrien took deep breaths to calm his beating heart, to keep his mind clear and free from anger. He could feel Plagg shifting in his inner pocket. It took barely a few seconds before he was making his way to class. As he made his way to class, he didn’t notice Alya crouched underneath the staircases and had seen everything that had happened before Lila had dragged Adrien inside the classroom.

Judging from Lila’s loud, echoming stomps, whatever happened in that room was not a happy event.

As Adrien confronted Lila, Marinette had her own issue to face: her classmates. She felt a little better knowing that LIla wouldn’t be there seeing that Adrien was currently with her, but what if they were still mad at her? What if she couldn’t convince them that she was just trying to expose the truth? Oh my god, what if they started to hate her so much they left her alone in the back seat without talking to her, without even acknowledging her and she spent the rest of her school years alone and unwanted. And what if they hated her so much they told everyone else to not support her upcoming as a fashion designer so she could never  achieve her dream and definitely end up with Adrien because why would Adrien want to be with a useless loser with no point in life, and everything could fall apart from this one moment!

Marinette halted outside the classroom door, hesitations whirling in and out of her head like a mini tornado. Feeling her chosen’s anxiety through waves, Tikki peeked her head out of her purse and whispered few comforts to her.

“It’s going to be okay, Marinette. You’re strong, you’re proud, you’re Marinette!”

“Right!” Marinette whispered back with forced enthusiasm.

“You’re Ladybug!”

“Of course!” Marinette whispered, more firmly this time.

“You always find a solution, Marinette!”

“Right! I’m Marinette Dupain-Cheng!” she cried, and pried open the door to her classroom, where half the class was already in their seats.

It felt like everyone had glued their eyes to watch her the moment she stepped into the room. Her hands were flushing, her breathing was more erratic, and was that pounding from her chest or her head? Both? She couldn’t tell as she made her way to the front of the classroom and stood, facing all of her classmates. She scanned their faces, and her shoulders drooped when she realized Nino was sitting by himself; no Alya in sighed. She scrunched her nose in frustration; when she truly needed her, she wasn’t there.

Her anxiety worsened when Chloe put her hands together for a slow clap.

“Well, well, Dupain-Cheng. I didn’t think you had it in you,” she said, her smirk widening with every word.

“What do you mean?” Marinette asked slowly, trying to keep her voice levelled.

Chloe stood up and sat on her desk with her right leg crossed over her left. “I mean, you told Lila off today for sitting besides Adri-kins!”

“It wasn’t because she was sitting besides Adrien, it was because I was forced to sit in the back alone, Chloe. Besides, how are you, of all people, so calm about this?”

“Hmm?” Chloe flicked her ponytail over her shoulder. “I’m not. I’m furious, actually, but unlike some people,” she narrowed her icy blue eyes at her, “I’m trying to be a better person now that I’m a hero.”

“Congratulations,” she said drily. She didn’t want to feel salty for Chloe finally getting a heart, really, but talk about bad timing.

“Speaking of,” Alix spoke up. “What’s your deal, Marinette? It’s just a seat.”

Marinette bit her lip, trying to remind herself that her classmates had all fallen for Lila’s lies; she couldn’t do anything without definitive proof.

She took a deep breath and explained, “I got really mad when everyone moved seats but didn’t bother asking me what I thought.”

Rose furrowed her eyebrows and spoke up. “Well, you were late again, and we thought that you wouldn’t mind. Especially since it was because Lila can’t hear very well.”

Marinette clenched her fists at her side and squared her shoulders. Her jaw tightened. “I still would have liked to have been asked. I’ve been sitting in that seat for years now. You all know how much I wanted to be in the seat since the beginning of the year even before Adrien came here.” She shifted her gaze to Chloe, who looked away and refused to look her in the eyes.

Max piped up, “There was a ninety percent chance that you would have said yes anyway, so we thought that you wouldn’t have minded.”

Marinette scoffed. “Maybe so, but that was if you had asked me. Did you? Did you consider my feelings at all? I get accommodating for a student with special needs, but to move me in the back? Alone? But everyone else gets to sit with their friends or their partners even though it has nothing to do with Lila and her needs?” Marinette stared as she watched most of them turn their gazes towards their seat mates, to her, then the floor.

Marinette continued, feeling tears well up in her eyes again. “It wasn’t about the seat guys. It was about my consent. It was about how I thought you guys cared about what I thought too, but it looks like I was wrong. It’s like before this year again. It’s like I was alone and you let me be alone.” Oh my god, she was crying again. She needed to stop. What was she doing? This wasn’t supposed to happen. Not like this.

“What does that have to do with you saying Lila’s a liar though? You can’t tell us that has nothing to do with Adrien,” Sabrina declared.

Marinette pressed her lips together. How was she going to reveal her suspicions without revealing her identity as Ladybug? How was she going to get herself out of this mess? Marinette clenched her fists even tighter, to the point her nails were definitely making marks on her palms.

“I,” she gulped, and lowered her head. She didn’t want to lie to them, especially not when she was exposing a liar. “I just get a bad feeling from her, alright? You guys already know I tried to see if her stories were true and couldn’t find anything. Alright?”

“So, it’s just you being paranoid as usual?” Alix asked, a teasing lilt to her voice. She gulped and tried not to feel betrayed by that. Was that how they saw her? Hyperactive and paranoid?

“Sure, whatever.”

The class was silent for a minute, but she could imagine them glancing at one another, trying to verify if she was telling the truth. Marinette tried to comfort herself: she was their class president, she helped them loads of times, she had had fun times with them all through the year. They would believe her, apologize to her for making her feel horrible, right?

Yet, she couldn’t help feeling like a convict in front of a jury, waiting endlessly for their judgement, her sentence.

She knew she wouldn’t be getting her seat back, no chance of that. But, maybe, they understood?

Marinette watched through her bangs; Rose watched her, her blue eyes filled with pity as she whispered to Juleka. Max analyzed her as if she was an equation. Kim frowned, but his body was slouched towards her. Ivan was stony, but Mylene betrayed all of her emotions; pity, sympathy, guilt, maybe? In fact, most of her classmates portrayed varying degrees of guilt; slouched postures, wandering eyes, knitted eyebrows and slight frowns that marred their features. Marinette scuffled her feet. This was getting nowhere.

“Look, guys-” She started but was interrupted by Rose.

“Sorry we didn’t think when we put you in the back Marinette.”

Her classmates chimed in agreement, almost everyone talking over one another:

“I may have miscalculated considering I didn’t take into factor that you were not here to agree to it.”

“Yeah, I guess you would be pretty upset since you had to get that seat back from Chloe.”

“Sorry, Marinette. You can sit with us if you want!”

“Yeah, sorry about not listening to you earlier.”

“Sorry, we should have figured it wasn’t all because of Adrien.”

“It’s utterly ridiculous that you’re so worked up over what’s-her-face.”

“She means sorry.”

Marinette’s glistened with tears as she smiled widely in relief. The clamor of apologies came to a pause as they watched her reaction. A weight lifted from her chest.

They had believed her.

They had apologized.

Sure, they still believed Lila was telling the truth, but they hadn’t completely left her, and she didn’t think any of them actually hated her. It took all her strength to not collapse in a heap, from relief, from stress, she didn’t know.

Whatever it was, she knew, she fully believed, that there was no way Lila would turn them all against her; not completely. After what felt like a long time, she felt hope.

Once the apologies died down, Marinette was beaming towards the class, who gave her small smiles back.

“Thank you guys. So much. For listening to me.” Marinette couldn’t help it; she felt like she was going to burst.

Alix smirked. “Of course! I mean we all make mistakes right? We should have listened to you first!”

Nathaniel piped in. “Yeah, and we know you’re good-willed, Marinette.”

Mylene added, “You’re always trying to help us,”

“Or include us,” Juleka stated.

“There’s literally a zero-point-zero-zero-zero-zero-one percent chance of us not listening to you.” Max declared. “And I am one-hundred percent certain that I have calculated accurately this time.”

“Thank you,” Marinette repeated. An awkward silence settled over the class a few seconds after.

“So,” Ivan spoke up, “Do you want your seat back or…?”

Marinette shook her head. “No. It’s okay. Nino and Alya should be able to keep their seats. I was just upset that no one had asked me first.”

“Well, we’ll ask you next time, then.” Kim said. “I’d be upset if someone stole my spot on the team and this is kind of like that, right?”

“Very good simile, Kim.” Max intervened.

“A simi-what?”

Marinette giggled. She had a brighter perspective on what was going to happen now. Her classmates were still her friends (although she would have to talk to Alya and Nino later), Adrien had agreed to help expose the truth, and Lila didn’t seem at all that scary anymore. As she climbed up the steps to her new spot, it seemed less lonely. Juleka and Rose shot her smiles from across the room. She cheerily waved to them in response. Then, she took out her notebook and began to sketch out figures and clothes she would design.

The class stayed like this until Mme Bustier walked in. Then Adrien, followed by Alya and Nino, and finally Lila.

When Adrien had walked in, he first sought Marinette, who was contentedly scribbling away in her sketchbook. He smiled and relaxed his shoulders. At least she was happy. Adrien watched her pink lips quirk up one side, her tongue poking out as her nose scrunched up in thought. Bluebell eyes shimmered with new ideas that popped in her head as she raced to get it all done on her paper. The sunlight streaming in through the window beside her highlighted her dark, silky hair and creamy skin. He watched as she squealed at a new idea, and with renewed vigour, turned to a fresh page and began scribbling again.

He let out a small gasp.

Adrien never realized how enchanting Marinette actually was.

His heart skipped yet another beat, and he remembered her warm knuckles pressed against his.

He was snapped out of his trance when Nino called out his name and slung an arm around his shoulder.

“Hey, dude. Want to sit next to me again?”

Adrien turned to face Nino. “Of course! But what about Alya?”

Nino nodded his chin towards Marinette. Adrien turned to see Alya approaching Marinette and taking the seat beside hers.  

“Alya wanted to apologize. And sit beside her bff again.”

Adrien smiled. “I’m glad then. Let’s go.”

After all, Adrien could always talk to her later.

Marinette was so immersed into her sketches, she didn’t realize Alya had sat beside her until she had whispered her name into her ear. She jumped up and turned towards Alya, who gave her a bittersweet smile.

“Alya.”

“Hey, girl. I guess you an apology, huh?”

Marinette merely stared at her.

Alya sighed, and shifted in her seat to fully face Marinette. “Look, I’m sorry. For everything. I should have asked you if you wanted to change seats. I should have given you more credit about Lila, I should have checked my own sources about her, I, I’m not sure if you’re telling the  truth or if you’re getting the wrong signals again, but I shouldn’t have dismissed you like that. I’m sorry. I want to be a better friend than that.” Alya breathed in deeply and gave her a small smile. “Please, forgive me?”

Marinette looked at her inquiringly. “What changed your mind?”

“Before I came here, Nino and I saw Adrien yelling at Lila and you came up at some point. That was when Lila dragged Adrien into some classroom. They both looked really mad,” Alya explained.

Marinette frowned. “So you believe me because of that?”

Alya bit her lip. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have doubted you. But I guess it didn’t really hit me until I saw Adrien yell at Lila. I mean, he doesn’t even do that for Chloe.”

Marinette couldn’t help but giggle. “I’ll give you a point for that.” Then her mood turned somber again. “But, I wish you had listened to me instead of just blaming it all on jealousy. I know that sometimes I get over-the-top, but I thought you would give me the benefit of doubt when no one else would. It really hurt when you believed her over me.”

Alya frowned and gave Marinette a sideways hug. “Oh, I know, Marinette. I’m really sorry. I promise, as a reporter, I’ll look into Lila’s stories, but as a best friend,” Alya separated from Marinette then cradled her face with her hands. “I promise I’ll always listen to you. Even if what you say turns out to be absolutely nonsense.”

Marinette smiled, warmth filling her entire being. She’d take what she could get when she couldn’t reveal the entire truth. “Thank you. And, I forgive you.”

Alya smiled widely before engulfing her in a tight hug. Marinette returned the sentiment.

Now that her best friend believed her, she would be alright.

When Alya released her, Marinette said, “There’s a lot I need to tell you about today.”

Alya smirked. “Lila or Adrien?”

Marinette pondered on that for a bit. “Both, actually. And well, Adrien and I are involved in something but I’ll explain that later.”

Alya’s smirk grew wider and she elbowed Marinette in the arm. “Make sure to give me all the deets, girl!”

Marinette chuckled. “Why, of course, mademoiselle reporter!”

The two collapsed into giggles that echoed throughout the classroom.

At the front, Lila grew more irritated as Marinette’s joyous giggles passed between her ears. Lila couldn’t believe that she was happy. But not for long. A burning desire to crush her, to put her under her control filled Lila’s veins. Lila Rossi was not done yet- not done by a long shot.

After all, Marinette had clearly chosen her side.

Her eyes narrowed dangerously as Mme Bustier arrived and approved all of the new seating arrangements.

This meant war.

P.S. Soooo how was that? I hope you liked it! And I’m sorry for making Marinette cry so much, and sorry in advance because the tears have just started. Anyways, I hope this was easy to follow since there was a lot of POV shifts.

P.P.S. This is only the first apology and Lila is still getting exposed for her lies. Initially it was only supposed to be Alya, but canonically, in any other episode, Marinette's classmates would have listened to what Marinette has to say, or have question her behaviour. So there.

[talesofealdancynedom]

Basil Blcneadre and Levi Healpenbroc. Dont worry; This is not a tale with a love triangle, between our female lead and twin transfer students.

Tale 10: Cadence Bucflowen & Laserline (chapter 2 - To Fawn Over 2/4) part 2. Stories of Fey

none

              A week after classes had begun, Morgan asked Cadence if she was enjoying classes, or had made any friends. Cadence hadn’t said a single word all week, and her parents were getting worried. Morgan and Emilia hoped Cadence would make at least one friend; even if it was someone who was assigned as her partner in gym, or potions labs. Cadence, of course, had not made any friends. She was keenly observing her peers, without engaging them. Keeping a good distance. Even in situations that required team work; Cadence and her familiar Freya were quieter than midnight in the countryside. Cadence was tensed with fear that something might go wrong, which would result in six years of academic suffering. Around the dinner table, Cadence’s little sisters and brother began arguing about their mother’s cooking. Cadence had lost her apatite. And it wasn’t just because Emilia couldn’t cook.

“You look like a wilting Lilly Cadence. Children your age can be super mean, but I bet there is at least one person in that academy you can relate too,” Morgan said, attempting to cheer up his daughter. Cadence shrugged. “It’s not easy, but I made friends eventually; and I was as nervous wreck. Not to mention forming a club of youths that were practicing old magic, that was illegal at the time…but still!” Morgan continued. He desperately wanted Cadence to gain some confidence and independence; He tried his best to encourage her. Morgan wanted to give all his children the love and support he wished he had gotten in his youth. Cadence had begun to grimace at after hearing Morgan’s remarks. She was going to school because she loved healing magic, not to make friends. Or so she told herself. A relationships can certainly ice the cake of life; keeping in mind that life can still be cake, without frosting. Emilia, also took a shot at cheering Cadence; noticing her daughters crestfallen demeaner was intensifying.

“You don’t have to have friends; but it will be nice to have someone who can go through it with you. You’re a nice girl, and I’m sure you have nothing to fear. Besides, your father is not joking…. he actually feinted a few times. Walking disaster; too obsessed with magic, and scared of human interaction. He was bullied a lot at first. Wait are the other kids being mean to you?” Emilia said.

“Not helpful. I don’t want to be in a rebel club, or need another kid to talk to. Also, that’s not funny mom; I feint really easy like dad…I don’t even want to imagine that. Freya is enough companionship for me, thanks. I’ll be ok. Eventually…” Cadence murmured, shrinking into her seat. Cadence felt like she had inherited the worst qualities of her father. Feinting, preferring magic company, and purebred generalized anxiety; Which was now triggered by fear of being bullied. Or worse, swooning in class.

“You know what Cadence; why don’t you bring Laserline to school! He’s been the fey that has been your closet friend since birth. Call him Laser for short, as not to give away his fey name. A lot of my crew were friends with the local fey as well. I bet the school staff won’t mind, as we’re in a magical forest anyway. He can be someone you know, who can cheer you on and help you meet people. A plutonic wing man of sorts!” Morgan cheered. Cadence put on a slight smile. Laser would defiantly distract people away from her; better yet, a little piece of home that is less embarrassing than a sibling. Then she was briefly distracted by the fear of what would happen when her siblings joined her; and then snapped back to the conversation. Cadence enthusiastically nodded, in response to her father proposition. Emilia dropped her head in her palm. Of course, her husband and children would conclude magic was the solution to an inherently non-mystical situation. She loved performing magic tricks, as a magician, but mages are a whole new level of magic passion. Emilia knew Cadence didn’t need a fey friend, she needed to be able to open up to people slowly, and interact with human society confidently.

              At school, Laser fell in love with the atmosphere and interesting facts that academia provided. Prancing alongside Cadence and Freya, was a time-honoured tradition between the three of them. He had missed it while she was at school. But now they could do it in class, between class, and going to and from school. Laser had been seeing Cadence quiet, tense, and weary all week when she came home. She hadn’t talked to him even once. Laserline was now also worried about Cadence; and thus he was more then happy to help. Cadence did feel a little calmer having him around. Though, not enough to change anything. However, Laser was not distracting people away from her, or towards her. In fact, it was like he was another student. He would go off to meet young wizards in her stead. People in Pepperidge had gotten so used to fey, that they no longer found fey exotic, or unworthy of human interaction and respect. Laserline had become a student, attending classes, hanging with Cadence, and waving to everyone he met. After a week of going to school together, Laserline and Cadence finally began to get excited to wake up every morning, to see what they would learn that day.

              One day, Cadence, Laserline, and their classmates, were introduced to new students from the Westlands; a pair of fraternal twins from Grand snow, the village of the Dragon Gate.  Which meant the two boys were raised in an ancestral setting, and in a magic forest. Cadence recognized their names form somewhere, but had trouble recalling as one of the boys was incredibly distracting for some reason. The darker haired one was Levi Healpenbroc, and the blonder one was Basil Blacneadre. Both were in their junior year like Cadence. Then a problem arose; Cadence sat at the back of the class, where the seats where empty, to avoid attention. Thus, the only remaining seats for Basil and Levi to sitin, were next to Cadence. Just as this occurred to her, the twins were told to sit next to her. The boys complimented Cadence, and her familiar Freya, graciously. They both found Cadence enchanting, possibly in the literal sense; magic wafted off of her. Whether it was from being born on Tiberius gate, being a mage, named by the Stag King, or being the King Mage’s daughter, Cadence radiated a certain serene charm; like gently pouring water. Cadence froze solid upon receiving their greetings, unable to nod or accept the compliments. They were both so charming.

“Your complements are so sweet, that she must be lost for words. Cadence is very shy. And you are both really handsome” Laser said, on her behalf. Cadence then began to have a full-on panic attack.

“No worries; kindness needs no payment.” Basil chimed. Laserline was confident he had said the right thing; He had seen humans act like this before. One of those boys must have caught Cadences attention. The equinox ball was coming up as well, and not just the community one held at Rosethorn Manor in town. As far as Laser was concerned, this was the perfect opportunity to force Cadence to make friends; an obligatory social event.

“Is she ok?” Levi said, pointing to Cadence, who had gone pale. She then feinted. Social events.

Basil and Levi, as instructed by their teacher, took her to the nurse’s office. She was put on the caught, and nurse Cerberus said she was just prone to bouts of syncope like her father. First impressions.

The solstice and equinox dances, in schools, were excuses to wear fairy robes, teach the children how to dance, and learn traditions. Apposed to the community celebrations, which were used to teach social etiquette and match up the youths. Everything was also heavily decorated. These seasonal gatherings were obviously an ancient seasonal tradition, that was magically symbolic, but not in the way common folk celebrated it. It was a leftover from ancient times, when mages and commoners liked to have fun. But, as with all human celebrations: magic, fun, culturally unique traditions, and seasonal shifts, were no longer the focus of these special occasions. Alas, in modern times, the equinox and solstice balls were an opportunity for copious amount of social drama. Cadence’s parents, and their friends, had managed to avoid the whirlwind of high school proms three times a year, every year. Cadence however, was not so lucky. Her dedication to being a solo mythical healer, was being tainted by the childish ways of entitled mundane men with wands. And a really enthusiastic fey friend, that has no understanding of human society, and thinks people love each other spontaneously.

              The next day, Cadence waited patiently in the courtyard for Laserline, for lunch. She was hoping no one would come up and ask for a date at the dance, because her parents said she was so pretty she shan’t be single for long. This only made her more self conscious about her appearance; to the point of wearing frumpy pastel sweaters and knit hats; year-round. These off-hand remarks about her radiance were a joke; No one actually cared about appearances, when true love was something that really existed. But Cadence didn’t take it as a joke. Everything she heard was filtered into a new fear. While she sat in the courtyard, she absorbed the scenery to calm down; the autumn air was refreshing, and Cadence had brought a hefty basket of a variety of fresh picked magic apples. Cadence loved these harvest gifts from the tree kingdom; but stag children loved them more. These apples were a special treat for Laser. She gathered them early, before her father picked most of them to feed the unicorns on Tiberius Gate’s pastures. There were golden apples, love apples, pink chippers, and mauve pomes. Cadence decided to dig in while she waited. When Laserline did arrive, he brought Levi and Basil with him. Cadence nearly chocked, and went into a coughing fit. Basil began roughly patting her on the back. Her fear was becoming reality; she was being incompetent in public. Catching her breath, Cadence slapped his arm away.

“That hurt more then the apple!” Cadence snapped. Then her face paled as she remembered who her visitors were. Cadence felt light headed suddenly.

“Since the twins are new here, and don’t have friends yet, I thought you might want to be their companion! Since you don’t have human friends your age either. That, and your parents want you to open up, because being alone makes people sad. When I asked Basil and Levi if  wanted to be your friend, they both said yes!” Laser began to rant. Then he noticed her stunned face “Oh, oh! Cadence, please tell me which one is the one you keep looking at? They are always together, so I can’t tell which one I should root for.” Laserline went on. Cadence flushed as red as her apple.

“Um. Hi,” Candence said quietly. “I’m Cadence Bucflowen…nice to meet you…Consciously” She said nervously. The boys gave her a smile and handshake, then Levi noticed her basket.

“Oh, golden apples! Are they real? Mother and father used to go to school here, and said that Tiberius Gate has every kind of magic tree child.” Levi asked. Cadence nodded yes. And then it hit her; the reason she recognized their names, was because these were the sons of her father’s high school friends. Both of which had became mages of the Dragon Gate in Grand Snow.

“Your dad wouldn’t happen to be thee mage of the Dragon Gate? Ouroboros Blacneadre? Because if that’s the case, our dads know each other.” Cadence said. She handed a pink sugar apple to Basil, and wiggled a little with joy handing a golden one to Levi. Basil was less interested in magic boteney but wouldn’t turn down gifts, while Levi was excited to hear they had something in common.

“Now we have to be friends,” Levi laughed, biting into the apple. It tasted like how buying nice things, with financial security, feels. Cadence smiled, seeing her gifts were well received and world had not imploded due to a conversation. She was getting sore from tensing her whole body though. This is how polite interactions with people goes right? She thought.

“You know what would be super funny, Cadence? What if you took both of us to the harvest equinox ball? Fairest lady in all the land.” Basil joked. “Why have one young man to dance with, when you could two? That are twins?” He smiled. Cadence began to giggle, then snort, and then break into full laughter. Freya had begun to join, and was rolling in the leaves nocking over the apples. She held out her hand and shook Basil and Levi’s hands again, but with feeling. Laserline though Cadence had finally lost it, and wondered if he had made a grave mistake introducing the boys. Cadence never laughed like that, what if she had gone manic? Levi Helped Cadence up, and brushed the leaves off her coat.

“Deal boys. MY DADS GOING TO LOSE IT,” Cadence laughed. “I’ll be like: ‘Hey dad, you said a fey would help me make friends? You were right! Now I have two Daneian Men to sweep me off to prom; this Friday.” Cadence snickered.

“That was a joke. You can’t take two boys to a dance. Traditional dances in the Grand West are an extremely heteronormative monogamous archaic unspoken social conformity. Also, we’re brothers. That’s super weird….” Levi interjected. Levi and Basil had started to help Cadence gather up the apples, and put them back in the basket Freya was holding.

“Well, it’s a funny joke, and I needed a laugh. My parents have been bothering me to make friends, and it’s made miserable. Besides, we’re dumb kids that nobody will blame for a cute joke. I mean, who else are you two going to ask out to a social event, aside from your new and only friend, on such short notice?” Cadence said. “Also, my little brother says twins count as one person.” She laughed. Cadence finished off her apple, including the core. The four of them were having a good laugh about it. Cadence had to admit, maybe people aren’t so bad. These two people anyway.

Cadence had a unique ability to be unnoticed. No matter how fancy her robes are, or the cleaning up to peak magical perfection; No one noticed Cadence had brought two boys to dance with. Morgan and Emilia both felt feint from laughing. This was not what he meant when he wanted her to make friends. But then again, avoiding romantic settings by doing the twist with your buds, did sound like a good time. Morgan and Emilia wanted Cadence to have a good time. The boys were put together, while in traditional Westland dress, yet couldn’t keep a straight face. Their father would get a kick out of the letter Morgan was about to send.

“I wish we were able to do stuff like that in school.” Emilia said. “Remember when your cousin Reggie had to go with Rah as each other’s beards, because of ‘tradition’?” She reminisced.

“Emilia.” Morgan weezed. “I change my mind. I don’t want all my little girls to dance with all the boys yet.”

“Include that in your letter to Saianne and Ouroboros so they also feel terrible their children are growing up and it seems just like yesterday we were doing dumb stuff like that. Do it Morgan. For us.” Emilia laughed. The rest of the children where now at Morgan’s feet hugging him, as they could not tell if he was happy or in pain. Most often it is both.

At the dance, Cadence took turns dancing with Levi, Basil, and Laserline. When it was Levi’s turn however, Cadence slowed down, and was suddenly very uncomfortable. It was the slow song.

“Cadence, are you ok? Tuckered out from too much fun? Do I need to sweep you off your feet and gallantly take you home to your father’s domain, my fair maiden?” Levi quietly joked to make her loosen up. Cadence wheezed a bit, and felt stiff as a board. Levi searched his brain for something else to say, well they awkwardly swayed in little circle on the dance floor. It was ok, everyone was also unaware everyone was doing the exact same thing. Except Basil, who was definitely judging his twin brother’s lack of smoothness.

“Cadence is a pretty name.” Levi panicked. Cadence was starting to glaze over. “It’s the melody or end of a song, right? House Bucflowen... Shouldn’t you be in house Cyendom like your father?” Levi asked. Cadence found an instance to take a breath, and answer:

“The Stag King named me. Like a fey name. I was given a house by him personally because father is King Mage. My siblings also got a unique name from a Beast King. The Wolf King named my little brother after my dead great grandfather…in house Monabellan….” Cadence said. She had slowly begun to nuzzle deep into Lavi’s velvet robes, nearly hugging the life out of him. Her answer made him smile. Cadence was opening a little. She never thought about it, but she had an interesting piece of her identity in her name. Cadence had begun to blissfully relax into Levi. Then, putting her fears aside, Cadence decided she wanted to get to know him.

“What about your name? bet it’s not as fancy as practically getting a fey name from a magical entity; but Levi? That doesn’t sound like a traditional Danian name…” Cadence asked. The song had finished and people clapped.

“Um, It’s short for Leviathan…. Basil’s full name is Basilisk. Leviathan Healingcreek and Basilisk Blacksnake. We hate it. My father’s line, names their children after dragon fey. His is Ouroboros, our grandfather is Hydra, and our Aunt is Quetzalcoatl. We all call her Pretzel, because no kid can pronounce that garbage…. It’s nowhere near as cool as your name though.”  Levi blushed, ruffling his hair as he walked her to the chairs. Levi’s answer made Cadence smile; she thought that they also had interesting names, with cool stories. Levi was initially right however; they were all tiered and anticipating a good night’s sleep. As they waved goodbye, Morgan asked Cadence if she had fun. Cadence gave him a big smile and hug. Morgan wished he could have taken a picture.

NEXT--->

<---PREVIOUS

[vzyfny]

11 questions - thanks @tiffotcf for the tag! :) :) :)

Questions: 1. Do you like spicy food or do we need to have a strong conversation about our friendship? I love spicy food! though admittedly I have a lower tolerance than I would like.

2. Your captain name, which is describing your ship without the names, ex.Captain tea and emotional befuddlement Lieutenant pride and denial (and aint never gonna happen). (I'm in denial too. maybe someday I'll believe and then I can be a Captain ;)

3. What do you want to see out your window? Green and blue. Tree-covered mountains would be nice. Or an ocean. Unfortunately I live pretty far from either of those, so just something green and verdant would be nice. Mostly I want to deny that I live in the middle of dusty brown-grass sheep-country Australian bush. Let me shake my fist at government subsidies which cut down all the apple orchards this region used to be known for *shakes fist* cause I'd rather eat an apple than a sheep. (even though sheep are generally more diverting than apple trees, let's be honest.) And just think of the spring blossoms ;__;

4. What do you remember about people? Faces? Names? something else? (social experiment) I think I mostly remember faces (but you may have been leading the witness a little bit hehe ;P as I'm easily swayed by suggestion.) I think smiling or laughing faces are easier to recall, those sorts of memories come quicker. Just the other day I was actually thinking about some classmates from back in the day and there are some acquaintances whose names I can't remember but I do recall their faces. And there's generally some neutral memory of some random interaction tied to the person which seems absolutely inconsequential, and yet I remember. I think it's easy to remember the way people walk as well, there are people I hardly interacted with at school but I can remember their gaits. And some people I was close with what I remember most vividly is the way they walked. The way a person moves can leave a strong impression.

5.Who is your favorite character you ever created? In a story or an RPG, or if you haven’t created a character before and you could what do you think you would want to make? Probably Aubrey, stupid stuborn loyal confident smartass who-does-what-he-wants and can't-shut-his-mouth-when-he-needs-to Aubrey from one of my first stories. I know he's my character but he still intrigues me. He's been with me for what ... 15 years, give or take? It's my oldest continuing story and I haven't completely given up on it because I'm not willing to let him go.

6. Are you a good liar? :) I'm a terrible liar. The worst.

7. What is an enviable quality that you wish you had or wish you had more of? I wish I could come up with words the way other people seem to be able to. Not just for my writing, but just everyday casual conversation and being able to express myself without anxiety. I find it difficult to put my thoughts together. I would like to be comfortable and succinct.

8. What is your favorite board/card game? Betrayal at House on the Hill might be my favorite board game. But I love playing Tripoley with my family and Settlers of Catan (my family are big nerds.) These days I don't have a network of people to play games with but sometimes I play Koi-Koi at home with my partner.

9. What do you tell 8 year old you? "Just because you don't understand something the first time it's explained doesn't make you stupid."

10. What do you tell 18 year old you? "Don't stop doing what you love." also "if you want people to say your name right you're going to have to start telling them they're saying it wrong."

11. What is a ‘turn on’?(like seriously what it is, how does that work? Is it a visual thing, audio, either, both? Physical? Please someone explain how attraction is supposed to work. I’m totally not using you guys to try to figure out how to describe human reactions I am incapable of producing, nope, not at all. But if you could please be specific that would be great, thanks!) At this point in my life  I think of attraction as built on a foundation of interactions between the parties.  I can understand looking at a person and admiring their looks or their demeanor but to me that's something different than saying "I'm attracted to them." I know people feel attraction on looks alone but I personally don't comprehend it. 'Turn on' is kind of a loaded phrase, to me it sounds a couple steps above attraction, something that includes desire. Some combination of confidence, acceptance and willingness, and trust maybe? Idk. It's hard to say. This is probably not helpful at all.. now would be a good time to be succinct :P

I hope this isn't too lame but I'm going to ignore the rules and just answer the questions today. I don't have the capacity to tag, let alone come up with eleven more questions right now. (I'm a self-defeating prophecy, I know.)

[stanzv]

Had a dream for whatever reason I was back in highschool

The rules had changed, it was a purge high school

Every passing period some restrooms/classrooms would be randomly weaponized for the students to kill themselves as a means for it to become smaller

It was massively overcrowded

My dream starts at the end of last period, on our way really to the buses/cars whatever, it’s dismissal

And I’m running through the halls as the restrooms have been restocked with weapons again

Rifles, shotguns, pistols, sometimes you run into dud restrooms without a thing but medical kits and nothing but shit stained toilet seats, you never know

I run into a big restroom as someone starts shooting down the hall

I hear five shots

“You’ve gotta be fucking with me”, I say

I see an open shotgun with zero shells on the counter stained with blood, what I’m assuming is from someone’s untimely death from last period, the body must’ve been cleaned up but the weapon left, how neat.

I rush around the rest of the restroom trying to find something and I hear the gunman grabbing a hostage and walking into the restroom

As he yanks the door open making threats to whoever he grabbed he locks eyes with me and immediately let’s them go and slowly ups the gun to my head

Just my fucking luck

He grabs me by the collar which is hilarious because why the fuck did I have a collar on wtf was I wearing this is high school man lmao why did I have anything but a tee but anyways,

So he starts pushing me back into the sink and pins me against it, barrel to my dome

I’m starting to freak out a bit but I’m trying to remain calm and collected

He says, “Put your fucking hands up. Give me a reason I shouldn’t shoot your fucking brains out right now”

I let out a chuckle with my hands up in the air it throws him off a bit which is exactly the response I’m looking for, remaining a bit calm is working out, thank god now to throw him off even more

“I’ve already been shot, look”

I can feel the barrel get lifted a bit off my temple he’s easing up, this can go my way after all

I’m trying to uncuff the shirt I’m wearing at the wrists, I’m now realizing I had a long sleeve button up for whatever reason, off choice of clothing but, shit I guess

I’m stumbling to uncuff the stupid button and I feel the barrel pressing harder against my head

“You got 3 fucking seconds”

I immediately figure it out, roll up my sleeve frantically and finally get to show him my “bullet wound” which is really just a scar on my arm from when I was younger as a kid getting cut by a glass bottle incident

He buys it and starts letting the gun slide from my head slowly to my cheek

My arms start to go down a bit as he’s easing up too

The pre-hostage that was brought in the restroom is still in the room in the corner of my eye. Relieved that he won’t be the witness to a gruesome murder today

The gunman says, “you know what, maybe today is your lucky day” he looks to the pre hostage and back at me

You can see the conflict and wiring starting to happen in his head.. somethings not right

“......haha, or maybe n-“

I move my head back and under, lunging my self towards the gun, he immediately let’s a shot off in the struggle, the bullet ricochets in the room.

I bum rush him and pin him against the wall elbowing him, and taking the revolver out of his hand

“That’s 6 shots” I think to myself “fuck I can’t kill this piece of shit”

I gain leverage and take the gun from him

Pistol whipping his head open as blood starts gushing from his wound

I’m tired, out of breath and relieved to have a sense of awareness that prevented my death today

I exit the restroom, bloodsoaked but otherwise blending into the ensemble of students rushing trying to survive this school day

I make my way to an exit to the first floor that I see people leaving from

And I see a guy I hadn’t seen in years that I happened to have a class with

He starts talking shit about me down the hall to his buddy

And it rubs me the wrong way

Blood soaked, adrenaline pumped, near death experienced me isn’t quite amused about it.

With the revolver still in hand, he gets a fucking beating too

But I pity him, a couple whacks in and I’m done

He has a crooked smile on his face but enough to live another day

Leaving my anger out the window I rush to the stairwell leading to the first floor outside

I’m speed walking through school campus trying to make myself to my car where I hear the calling of another girl I used to go to school with

It’s Emily, a intermediate school classmate that I had actually had the pleasure of catching up with out of my dream not too long ago

Charismatic and friendly she approaches me starts talking about her day and it slows the pace of everything around me listening to her, it’s nice

Paranoia, anxiety along with the adrenaline and the impending hands of death suddenly fade away as we converse

I start telling her about my day in the vaguest way possible as to not worry her, for some reason I didn’t want her to panic or start babying me I didn’t need someone to start caring for me unnecessarily

I ask her what she has planned for today

And even though we’re right next to each other, her voice is muffled but she lets out something with complete enunciation

I can tell by the way she moves her mouth

Confused, I say “what’d you say?”

She repeats herself, but whatever she says sounds distorted, still muffled but a pitch down..I’m starting to get a sense of dread

The sounds of panic start weighing in around me getting louder

“I’m sorry one more time?”

She opens her mouth and an alarm starts blaring out

My alarm

I look at her mouth move with the sound of it, synced in

I let out a defeated sigh, look her in the eyes as she smiles to me

I rest my hand on her shoulder “Bye Emily”

I wake up and turn to the sound, my phone alarm’s going off

It’s 6:30, time to call County for my daily check in

Hopefully I don’t have a drug test today