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red-butler · 5 years

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Sapphic Sutcliff - Cosmetics

“Is this…all yours?” Mey Rin asked hesitantly, kneeling on the bed as Grell pulled out a seemingly endless array of little bottles and packets from a locked drawer in her room. There were more things than she would have thought possible, and in such varieties of colour and hue and form, how could any woman need this many make up accessories?

“Oh yes.” Grell glanced ruefully at the small pile they’d already formed. “I have more back at home of course, couldn’t exactly bring all of them with me.” She looked up at Mey Rin’s face and grinned, “You don’t use them all at the same time don’t worry! Most are just different colours of the same thing, to encourage the right mood and such, you know?”

Mey Rin didn’t know, but didn’t quite want to admit to that so she just nodded her head nervously and peered even closer at some of the powders and creams being carelessly scattered around. This was certainly one aspect of womanhood she’d never had much of a chance to discover, no one cared how the assassin looked, and without a mother or older sister to teach her, Mey Rin had never felt confident enough to search out cosmetics on her own.

Carefully she reached down and lifted a bottle. It was full of a bright red pigment, thicker than paint, almost as bright as freshly spilt blood and Mey Rin stared at it in fascination wondering what it could possibly be used for and why exactly painting your face made you more attractive. There were creams, powders, little brushes, some tiny scissors, some sponges, cloths…it all seemed overwhelmingly complicated for what should have been a simple enough thing, make yourself look attractive to find a man, or to make other women jealous she supposed.

“I don’t…I mean, it’s not that I don’t like you showing me all these things,” she said hesitantly as Grell settled cross legged on the floor and began sorting through the make up supplies she’d pulled out. “But I don’t understand why you’re showin’ all this to me? I mean…it’s not like I have anyone to impress, no one’s goin’ to be looking at a maid like me, even if I didn’t already have someone who, um, liked me…”

Grell did like her, she had plenty of proof of that by now, and the memories were enough to keep her blushing during the day sometimes. She’d also trusted her with secrets, including the fact she was secretly a woman, that she wasn’t quite as clumsy as she appeared but did enjoy teasing Sebastian and, oh yes, that she was secretly an immortal death goddess who was here exploring the human world.

“Mey Rin, it’s not just about looking good for men. Or women.” Grell added, frowning to herself as she checked a cracked bottle. “It’s about making ourselves look as beautiful as we can look for ourselves. You are absolutely beautiful my dear, jaw droppingly gorgeous, but you can hardly tell hidden behind those glasses and that awful, awful mop cap.” Her voice had relaxed and she was speaking in a manner no one would ever have expected from the nervous, timid young butler who had only this morning poured a whole jug of milk over Ciel’s lap, causing Sebastian to almost literally chase her out of the room. Mey Rin felt special, that Grell dropped the act around her like this, allowed her to see the real Grell Sutcliff; it showed how much Grell trusted her.

“I like my glasses.” She pointed out, raising a hand to them defensively, they had been a gift from Ciel, actual proof that he didn’t want her just for her eyes, they actually made her long distance sight worse, but the improved her short distance vision to the point where she could actually read, and clean and see to do things like buttons and such properly. And make up, it transpired. Once Grell had realised that Mey Rin had never actually had a chance to try on cosmetics, she’d hauled the other woman up to her room once their tasks were done to teach her how to wear it properly.

“I don’t know why, they’re huge and take up the entirety of your face.” Grell said, with the slightest flash of a smile. “They do make you look awfully sweet I suppose, but we’re aiming for beautiful here as well, not just adorable.” She smiled even more as Mey Rin blushed right up to the roots of her hair.

Cosmetics apparently arranged to her pleasing, Grell reached over and tugged Mey Rin down on the floor with her, where she’d propped up a mirror so they could both watch what they were doing. Mey Rin sat obediently and listened as Grell described each item she’d brought out and how it should be used. The enthusiasm in her voice was infectious, although her explanations on what colours went with what flew rather over Mey Rin’s head, she carefully memorised the colours and styles Grell promised would look best on her.

Then Grell’s hands were on her face, her eyes sharp with focus as she began using a pale powder on Mey Rin’s cheeks. Mey Rin held perfectly still, it felt wonderful really, intimate in a non embarrassing manner, affectionate and caring and gentle. Grell’s attention so sharply on her, biting the corner of her lip as she tilted Mey Rin’s face to the side and smoothed the powder over her cheekbone. The silence was calm and peaceful between them as Grell moved on to smearing the ointment over her lips, tiny brushes almost enough to tickle but not quite. Watching her own face in the mirror as it transformed, becoming sharper, defined, strong and bold and confident in a way she never really associated with her. And then Grell took her glasses off to take care of her eyes and Mey Rin was forced to wait impatiently, staring at the blurred figure that was the woman she loved and basking in the affectionate attention she was receiving.

At long last Grell appeared to be finished and handed her back her glasses, before she shifted to kneel behind her and began doing something with her hair, braiding it, it felt like. Mey Rin put her glasses on and examined her face in the mirror. It was still her, which was a relief, she didn’t think she’d like it if Grell had somehow managed to make her look like some beautiful stranger. But she was still herself. That wasn’t to say there wasn’t an impact of course, Grell had somehow managed to pull out every single one of her nicest features, highlight them and set them fully on display, just by using creams, powders and ointments. Mey Rin didn’t understand quite how she’d managed that, but she couldn’t deny the result was stunning.

“I don’t look like a maid any more…” She murmured, watching the beautiful woman in the mirror blink back at her.

“Is that a bad thing? You look beautiful.” Grell said softly, leaning over her shoulder and meeting her eyes in the reflection. “And…well, looks don’t define your job. You’re still a maid with make up? Although I doubt Sebastian would appreciate you wearing anything like this amount daily. This is more for a ball or a party or something similar.”

“Oh. There’s a lot of rules and such about this isn’t there?”

“Mmm. It’s always unfair on the women I find. Beauty standards I mean. Men can get away with doing so little in comparison.”

Her hair had been neatly braided and with her cap off and all the cosmetics on her face Mey Rin looked almost like a society lady herself. She scrunched up her nose, feeling the unaccustomed paint on her face moving with her.

“Don’t you like it?” There was the faintest tremor to Grell’s voice, the timid young butler who was so eager to please and worried when things went wrong and Mey Rin hurried to reassure her.

“No, no! I do really like it, you were right, I look beautiful,” She said, still rather surprised by that fact. “I just…is it really me? Like this? Well, um, obviously it is me and all, but it’s not a me that I ever really knew before?” She knew she was explaining it badly, that the words were, as always, not coming out entirely how she meant it, but she just couldn’t think of what to say to express her real feelings.

“Of course it’s you. Why would looking beautiful stop it being you?”

“Because I’m not beautiful.” She said instantly, the truth so overwhelmingly simple it flowed out before she could stop it. “Not…not like you are. Or mister Sebastian, or Madame Red or anyone like that. I’m…just Mey Rin…I’m just…just…”

“Oh Mey Rin…” Grell was suddenly wrapped almost entirely around her, hugging her tightly, as though she could hug out all the sad loneliness and anxious feelings of inadequacy she knew Mey Rin battled with all the time. They were true really though, she wasn’t special or important or really good at all. She wasn’t much good as a maid, and she was certain Sebastian could cope with the defence of the manor by himself if he really had to, she was just here out of pity. She was pointless.

Grell wrapped even tighter around her, as though she could hear her thoughts, pulling Mey Rin close up against her chest and tucking her under her chin. One hand was running soothingly through her hair, probably mussing up the braid just put in it, but Mey Rin didn’t much care right now, busy soaking up the warmth and love Grell was practically radiating right now.

“To correct the initial assumption, my dear,” Grell said softly, after a long moment where Mey Rin guessed she’d been gathering her thoughts. “You are, actually and really beautiful. Even without all of the make up, you are beautiful and I knew that from the very moment I saw you. The only reason you don’t have a legion of suitors hanging around after you is that you live well out in the country and you simply don’t have a chance to meet them. If you were in London you would have been snatched up in a heartbeat.” She said, and Mey Rin could hear her smiling as she spoke.

“I’m not…”

“You really are. I would say sorry but I’m not sorry in the least. You are a beautiful young woman and I care about you a lot. Secondly, to address the more obvious elephant in the room, why would you think that you’re not important?”

“I’m not though…I’m not smart or powerful, I’ve done plenty of bad things in my life…” She whispered. “I’ve…I was an assassin, before. I killed so many people, an’ they were probably good people too, they didn’t deserve to die, but I killed them anyway cos’ I was just a pair of eyes with a gun…a murderer.” Her breathing hitched all of a sudden and she was crying, she realised. She’d never cried over it before, it had been all she knew when she was younger, and once she’d started working here, well there hadn’t been much point in crying, she’d decided; it was all over and done with. But now the tears were streaming down her face and she was clinging tightly to Grell as though the other woman might vanish on her without warning. And she might, she’d just admitted that she was a murderer and an assassin and what person, even if they were a Grim Reaper, would ever want to love a woman like her. Grell would throw her away in disgust and tell her that she never wanted to see her again, let alone kiss her and hold her close.

“Oh my love…” Grell said, so soft and sad it broke Mey Rin’s heart further, she was going to leave her, she was going to leave her! “It’s alright; none of that was your fault. I’ve got you now, you’re safe and protected and well now.” She said, still running her fingers through Mey Rin’s hair, and ignoring the make up that surely must be smudging across her clothing as Mey Rin cried and hid her face in Grell’s waistcoat, clutching tightly to her. “You are not a bad person, you deserve to be happy.” Her voice was firm and certain, as though there could never have been any other answer than that.

“But-“

“No, no buts. You are a good person my Mey Rin, you care about the people you love and do your best to keep them happy. Your past does not define you, any more than Bard’s does, or Finny’s.”

Mey Rin wanted to protest, it wasn’t the same at all, Bard had been a soldier, and Finny had been taken too young to know anything, and how did Grell know about that anyway? But she couldn’t speak a word, could only listen as Grell held her and told her the things she desperately wanted to believe were true, the things she had never even known that she needed to hear.

“You are worth loving and caring about, and people do love and care about you, for who you are; because you are a good person who people want to know and love. No one is going to leave you or judge you or abandon you because of things that you did when you had no other option. Being desperate can make monsters of us all, but you came out of it and became a better person. I’m proud of you, for being able to put the violence aside, for being able to trust and love and be yourself. I am proud of you and I love you.”

“Grell…”

“I do love you, you ridiculous perfect amazing beautiful woman,” Grell said, with a slightly choked laugh. “I probably shouldn’t, but I do, and there’s no way out of it now, you’ll just have to accept my feelings.”

Mey Rin finally pulled back a little, breath still hitching occasionally but most of the tears dried up as she gazed up at Grell. She’d let go of the illusion, and the beautiful sharp toothed red haired lady was there, looking at her with such an earnest and sincere expression that Mey Rin couldn’t help but believe her.

“I…I love you too Grell.” She managed to say. And if the kiss that followed tasted a little of tears and relief, well, it was only natural.

#sapphic sutcliff #sapphic sutcliff week #grell sutcliff #Mey Rin #grellrin #my writing #my foction #kuroshitsuji #black butler

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