Tumgik
#my girl is constantly treated badly
illicthearts · 1 year
Text
Bro of all the people in RadhaKrishn, why is no one, ever on Rukmini’s side?
20 notes · View notes
welcometogrouchland · 3 months
Text
Also in the replies of the Steph concept art on twitter announcing she was gonna be in a new project at DC (posted by Travis Mercer), there were at least 3 comments saying "will Tim be there?" I don't care how hard you ship timsteph I'm exploding you with my eyeballs if you do that on my girls post again
#ramblings of a lunatic#taking a step back to acknowledge that my stanning may be getting overzealous#but then again I'm not in ppls quotes or replies I'm vagueing on an entirely different website with no relevant tags. it could be worse#anyway I know tims had it rough these past couple of months ever since zdarsky shifted focus of the batman title to have less tim#but it still feels. idk. just a wee bit uninspired to act like steph can't go two steps without tim being behind her#im ngl i like timsteph when they're cute but timsteph twitter has been. pissing me off a tad lately#the refusal to acknowledge the sexism in dixons robin run and how it impacts stephs writing and their relationships writing#the refusal to acknowledge tims occasional condescension and hypocrisy when it comes to stephs vigilantism#seemingly only wanting her to be spoiler when he wants her around and telling her to give it up most of the time#also the constant disrespect of stephs batgirl era on there weirdly enough?#I've harped on about this on main and in drafts but despite it's flaws it's a good turn for stephs character#she's the focus she gets development (an upward trajectory! which had previously been unheard of for her! bc she did have flaws as spoiler-#-its just that both writers and characters alike seemed to arbitrarily decide she didn't have the capacity to grow past them! but she did!)#hell i saw a BIZARRE take today i just have to bitch about#which was them saying that Batgirl was a ''heteronormative mask'' steph put on#with spoiler being her more authentic self (and this being paralleled to gender expression with stephs isolation from the batfam as spoiler-#-showing how she ''wasnt like them'')#which. I'm not denying you the view that spoiler has a certain genderific swag to her but the needless dragging of her batgirl persona#steph got treated badly as spoiler bc she was A Girl. it's genuinely that simple dixon felt batman and robin would never stand for a girl-#-running around doing the things they did and would need to chivalrously stop her. he's gone on record saying this#she's constantly getting belittled by mostly men (cass also dismisses her but it feels distinctly less gendered)#and in the end it's barbara who learns to give steph a second chance despite her mistakes and they have a positive relationship#something ppl are quick to dismiss as being in and of itself sexist bc they're pairing the two girls off together#as if batgirl isn't a legacy and as if babs and steph don't have parallels in their resilience and refusal to accept when ppl tell them no#for better and for worse!!#like. idk how you took the strongest feminist element in that comic (bc there are elements of sexism here and there! 2009 n all)#and somehow turn it into ''heteronormativity'' YOU PPL ARE JUST SAYING WORDS AT THIS POINT!!!#anyway. someone take away my internet access
7 notes · View notes
tittysuckersworld · 4 months
Text
once again asking begging for a rival
#like fuckkk#i wanna beat someone up and get beat up by someone. but like. erotically but not? yknow????#i want to be treated wholely as a person and hated for no reason. i just want to hate someone and be mean to someone without reason#i want to not be treated like a delicate little flower for once! i want to be able to show my emotions insted of constantly repressing them!#i want to get bloody noses and broken lips and black eyes and bruises to litter my body not from my own direct doing#i want to be on the same level with someone. on the same level enough to be able to hate eachpther but take care of eachother#i want to love the hate i could have for someone#or just fuck- i want to be treated either as a person or as something wholely not. one or the other just not pityed#hate being soft spoken and frail and get talked over and just constantly feel like a girl in worst ways#i want to cry and be angry with someone that can cry and be angry with me#i cant love but fuck if i dont want smth close to it. am have soft sweet amazing boyfriend but at same timd i just.#i want to hurt someone and have someone hurt me just to feel something more. i keep saying this but i wish when i wasnt programed#by government to be convinient for them. to be convinient to those around me. i want to feel and be angry again.#i have a right to be upset for everything thats happened to me and those i care for and should be allowed to say it.#fuck man- i just want someone to kick me when im down physically and be there for me silently when neex#need someone to punch me for being a doofus. fuck fuck i just want someone that will treat me like a equal on a level.#i want to be hurt like im strong. i want to hit and punch and kick and be allowed to be violent#its not healthy to hold in but im forced to for others and i hate it. i like being nice i dont want to be mean#but i also just so badly want to be violent. to be able to express pain and hurt and feel like i should. like wish could. its not fair#anyways vent rambles sryyy-#vent#tw vent#in tags but yee#want to be hurt and hurt someone else on equal healthy consensual level yk?
4 notes · View notes
sinningvin · 3 months
Text
Imagine getting triggered over Toontown corporate clash dialogue couldn’t be me
#god this is the lamest side effect of ptsd#or just trauma in general#unhealthy management of stress? constantly being on edge? being scared to socialize?#nah this is the worst part because it’s so embarrassing#anyways ‘can you say owch?’ Flint bonpyre your days are numbered#god man if you hate belittliling why do you do it to me#why are you like this#is everyone else like this?#‘hi I’m your narrator. Cody is now going to go into a brief downward spiral questioning if his f/os love him and why he is always bullied’#I mean if flints like this are other cogs like this too? in the cog suit description I think there was a part talking about manipulating -#deals and toons#and now I’ve been really worried that my f/os#(specifically Misty (because my abuser was a woman and as a result I was scared to talk and make friends with girls) and Allan (because#-he’s a higher ranking cog))#wouldn’t actually love me and would manipulate and hurt me in our relationships#and I’m scared they would take the chance to infantilize me and condescend me#and I have absolutely massive trauma relating to that#also if you bring up that Misty was treated badly I was bullied severely by many kids that were bullied too#like I would see it play out two or three years before they would call me slurs and shit#so I’m scared it might be like that#I don’t know why people don’t like me and consider me the lowest of the low#I think it’s because I’m neurodivergent and transgender#but everyone hated me#the only person who would really hang out with me the whole year was actually really creepy towards me#and the others all went away because the school was shut#I don’t know I’m just scared my f/os would infantilize and hurt me for the same reasons my abuser and every who bullied me did#if that makes sense#like I’m actually tweaking I’m panicking#why am I always the denizen that has to suffer#it’s always me
1 note · View note
mizukiko-kun · 2 years
Text
i’m constantly disassociating myself from this shakespeare class i’m in. the student next to me keeps volunteering to read the lines and yet she has absolutely zero corresponding emotions when she does.
1 note · View note
nwjws · 9 months
Text
in my head - yjw
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
; pairing - jungwon x fem!reader
; synopsis - you’ve hated jungwon ever since you two met on the train to hogwarts back in first year; he’s self-centered, lazy, and always coming out for you. now in your seventh year, you’ve been named head girl (woohoo!). unfortunately, the head boy position was given to the one and only yang jungwon (boohoo…). with no other choice, you’re forced to face the annoyingly attractive boy and work with him for the rest of the year - if you can even last that long.
; tags - fluff, angst, crack, ravenclaw! headboy!jungwon, slytherin! headgirl!reader, rivals to lovers, enemies to lovers, hogwarts au (with a modern twist), bc they have tablets and stuff
; warnings - a little bit of swearing, a lot of hostility between yn and jw, lmk if i missed anything!
; wc - 12.9k words (umm.... have fun!)
teaser
Tumblr media
everyone’s eyes are on you as you stand up at the front of the great hall while the headmaster - professor bang si hyuk - introduces you as this year’s head girl. looking at all the students staring back up at you, you almost feel proud of yourself (keyword: almost). 
you’d think someone would be overjoyed at being acknowledged and recognised enough to have been given such a high position, but you aren’t. 
instead, you’re silently fuming, just barely keeping your temper in check as you plaster a fake smile on your face. your eye twitches as you hear a low chuckle from-
“the head boy, yang jungwon!” the headmaster announces. cheers erupt from around the room, all clapping for their new heads. 
“i can feel the waves of anger practically radiating off of you,” he murmured quietly.
yang jungwon. 
the boy you despised so much. 
listen, you don’t really hate anyone, but you’re pretty sure that what you feel towards the boy you called ‘yang’ is close enough.
in all your six years at hogwarts, you two have constantly been at each other’s throats. arguments often broke out between you in corridors; fights wherein one would end up stupefied or thrown against the wall; even little sabotages against each other that were subtle enough that teachers could pass off as an accident or your own fault rather than the other’s. 
for example, back in third year, yang had tripped you on your way into the great hall after everyone got off the hogwarts express. you had flashed everyone behind you and scraped your knee when you landed on the ground.
although no one saw him do it, you immediately knew who the culprit was, especially when he smirked down at you over his shoulder as he walked ahead. oh how badly you wanted to slap that smile off his face in the moment.
you retaliated the next week by mixing his white laundry with red clothes, so he was forced to attend his classes with pink uniform until he got new shirts. nothing satisfied you more than the glares he sent your way throughout the first day of his pink week, you could feel him boring holes into the back of your head even when you weren’t looking.
making your way back to the slytherin table, you thought back to when you got that fateful letter a few weeks back.
you slid the window open after spotting an owl from afar flying towards your house.
the bird flew in gracefully, and dropped your letter from hogwarts on the kitchen island counter, accepting the treats offered from your hand.
“y/n, please. close the window, would you? it’s so windy outside - it’s blowing away my papers!” your mother scolded from her seat at the table.
“sorry, my bad! i just got my grades.”
“ah really? let’s see it then.”
you scanned the letter, satisfied to see an O on all your subjects. although they weren’t your final NEWTS grades, they were an indication of how you did throughout sixth year according to teachers’ assessments. 
you’d been nervous at seeing anything below an O, but your friends had told you not to worry all summer.
“you’ve never dropped from the top rank in our year ever since first year, why would you now?”
“hiyyih, it’s only because of how much i’ve studied, but what if the expectations this year are higher? what if it’s not enough? what if i spent too many free periods sitting with you guys by the lake instead of-“
“be for real, you only did that twice! you’re the only person who’s actually spent their free periods studying,” rei said.
“well that’s what they’re supposed to be used for!”
“who actually does that! besides you, of course.”
“rei’s right, even yang jungwon often spends his frees with his friends.”
“that’s why he’s number 2,” you roll your eyes. “maybe if he studied during his frees, he’d finally get that number 1 spot he's been telling me he'd get for years.”
“it’s the fact he doesn’t have to study as hard to easily get second top student in our year. besides, weren’t you just worrying about not being first this time ‘round?”
that set you off into another episode of wailing and worrying about your results.
reading the letter, your eyes zeroed in on a shiny gold badge attached to the bottom.
  dear kim y/n,  we are pleased to inform you that you have been chosen as head girl for this upcoming academic year. you will be working alongside the head boy, yang jungwon, and all prefects across the four houses. you and the head boy’s duties will be relayed to you after the sorting ceremony. congratulations once again, you are well deserving of the title. sincerely, headmaster bang si hyuk
you still remember your mother questioning you after watching your figure suddenly go from jumping around the kitchen all giddy, to sulkily dragging your feet to the table.
of course, you were honoured to be picked, but did they really have to choose your enemy as your partner? i mean, the whole school knows about your rivalry, and you guys have been told off countless times by teachers! so was this really a smart idea?
when the ceremony ended, one of the professors led you and yang to the head dormitories.
(a “benefit” of being one of the heads was getting your own room, separate from your own house dorms. but you’d still be sharing the common room with yang, so that wasn’t exactly the biggest plus in your books.)
“as you can see, you will have separate private rooms, each with their own bathroom,” the professor pointed at the doors on opposite sides of the common room.
“but you two will share this living space. there’s a little library in the corner as well. 
“now for rules..." he started listing a bunch of obvious rules - like what's allowed in the head dorms and what isn't, when you can bring your friends, etc.
“and last but not least, you aren’t allowed in each other’s private quarters,” he paused before glancing at both students. “although, i don’t think that’ll be a problem.” 
he’s right there, you thought bitterly.
the idea of even sharing the common room with the boy irked you, let alone entering his own room. you could only imagine all the stupid tricks he was planning on you right now - but you were doing the same.
after the whole ordeal, the professor finally left you two alone, but not before telling you that you should start planning out the prefects’ patrolling schedules so that you could meet up with them as soon as possible.
you and yang stared at each other for a moment, apprehension hanging in the air. this is the first time you two have directly looked each other in the eye tonight.
“so… i guess we should get to sorting out those schedules,” he breaks the silence, gesturing to the scroll of names in your hands, which the professor had left with you.
nodding, you followed him to the large table in the middle of the room, where you’d hold a meeting with the prefects tomorrow morning.
“here’s the list of all the prefects, plus their student ID numbers.”
“okay, we can use those to add them all into a group chat on hog-messages and inform them of the meeting tomorrow.”
one of the newer developments at hogwarts in recent years was the addition of electronic tablets given to every student, so they’d be able to communicate faster with each other. it had an app programmed within it called ‘hog-messages’ where students could message each other or their teachers, and create group chats, all activity being monitored by staff.
the tablets also allowed the students to be able to write notes down on it, but most teachers often preferred all homework to be written on paper scrolls anyway. 
all this was provided by yang enterprises.
yup. yang was the son of the wizard who introduced muggle electronic devices into the wizarding world, instantly boosting their family into riches and success.
the world was given to him on a silver platter, so he’s always had it easy. and unfortunately for you, the boy not only grew up snobby and privileged, but was smart too. 
coming from the muggle world, you entered the wizarding world with an open mind. despite this, you hated the ravenclaw almost as soon as you met him. 
his ego was high up through the roof way before he’d even been placed in the house, and he emanated a strong intimidating aura. as soon as yang saw you on that hogwarts train, he turned his nose up at you like you were dirt before you’d even spoken a word to each other.
nonetheless, you managed to work out a schedule together smoothly. but the lack of clashing heads for once put you on edge, you felt like something was just wrong.
“alright, i’ve sent a message to the group,” he said, staring at his screen.
“okay…” you trailed off, unsure what to say. “um, let’s be civil this year, yang,” you say instead, putting a hand out.
the boy looked up at you, before glancing down at your hand then laughed in disbelief. as if you had said you were going to run 100 laps around the castle.
“duh, i knew that when i got the letter. that doesn’t need to be said. are you an idiot?”
now it was you who stared at him in disbelief. there’s the yang you know.
lowering your hand, you scoffed and stormed into your room, which was luckily closer so you didn't have to spend another second looking at his pretty face.
you should have known nothing would ever change. you can’t believe you almost thought that yang had changed. of course he’d never grow up, maybe he was just made this way. 
on the other hand, the return of his ugly personality brought you some comfort. it was just something you were more familiar with. you weren’t used to the driven and focused attitude he had on earlier when sorting out the schedule, and you’d prefer to keep it that way. 
unpacking your bags and showering before changing into pajamas, you set an alarm for 6:30am, so you’d have time for the meeting at 7:30 and can end it before classes began at 8. you went to bed feeling prepared for tomorrow.
the next morning however, you woke up late. 
the sunlight seeped in through the curtains, and after a moment, you checked your phone for the time.
8:34am
crap.
you practically jumped out of bed and began to frantically get ready, pulling on the first shirt and skirt you could grab from your closet.
why hadn’t your alarm woken you up? you set the alarm two hours earlier. had you accidentally typed 630 into the calculator app instead from a tiring day?
however, when you check your alarm clock, you saw that it had been turned off. although, you clearly remember pressing save and checking that it was on before tucking yourself into bed.
you pause as you brush your hair, your thoughts coming to a stop.
it was yang, you realised. 
is this his idea of civil? you wonder what he's on as you slip on your uniform in panic. 
quickly brushing your teeth, you put on your tie as you ran out the room, a chill hits you when you remembered the prefects’ meeting you were supposed to have this morning.
oh my god, they probably think i'm an irresponsible head girl. there’s no doubt the bad impression being late on your first day as head girl would leave on not only the students, but the teachers as well. 
will they revoke your position? will they give the badge to another, more responsible girl? who preferably doesn’t have beef with the head boy? 
you cringed at the thought you might be punished because of something entirely yang’s fault, and he’d get away with it. as he always does. 
you ran down the moving stairs, almost slipping off the edge when it suddenly changed paths, towards your first class as you cursed out the head boy in your mind. 
but soon enough, nervousness took over as you neared the classroom.
there was only about 15 minutes left of the period, so was it even worth it to go? and besides, yang was in this class too. you’d hate to see the gloating smirk on his face when you enter and get scolded by the professor.
before you could decide however, the door opened, revealing the very boy you’d been planning revenge on all morning.
yang didn’t look surprised to see you there, evident by the grin on his face.
he faked a shocked tone though, when he announced your presence to the professor (and the whole class).
it goes without saying that you definitely had a bad morning, being held back in class for another half hour to make up for what you missed that morning. 
thankfully, you had a free period next, so you weren’t missing your next class this time.
although you hated yang jungwon with every fibre of your being, you weren’t a snitch. you wouldn’t dare expose him - mostly because it would be useless. who would really believe you, when you were already messing up so early in the year? and certainly not when it accused the school’s beloved heartthrob. 
so you took your punishment on without a complaint, pointedly ignoring yang the rest of the day, who didn’t even try to hide his smile.
you sighed as you made notes on griffin claw substitutes, all alone in the potions classroom.
Tumblr media
september and october rolled by; even though you and yang continued your little pranks and tricks on each other, you guys managed your head duties just fine. he did his work and never slacked, so you were satisfied.
you had gotten your revenge on yang by charming his wand to vibrate uncontrollably two days later. you remember barely being able to hold in your laugh as you watched him struggle to conjure a flock of birds, an explosion of feathers popping from the tip instead.
from what you heard, he also struggled in his other classes you didn’t share, which delighted you to no end. 
“what are you skipping around all giddy about?” hiyyih asked you sceptically.
“just that yang seems to be struggling in herbology class, according to jang wonyoung.”
“what did you do?” rei eyed suspiciously.
“how could you accuse me of doing something?” you gasped.
“it’s pretty obvious - head boy and student #2 wouldn’t just struggle in a class he’s always done well in,” minji shrugged.
you rolled your eyes at your friends, but then smiled cheekily when you admitted how you’d snuck into his room that morning and cast a charm on his wand with a spell that would only stop after twenty-four hours.
“okay, that’s pretty funny. i’m gonna have to ask wony about it later,” rei laughed. 
your phone buzzed, and upon checking it, you were surprised to see a text from the one and only yang jungwon.
Hog-Messages YANG JUNGWON (ID: 78395) professor kim wants to see us
“speak of the devil,” you tell your friends and show them your screen. 
you watched as the three glanced at each other, equally surprised.
“wow, a text! from yang jungwon! and it’s not some evil curse or cryptic message!” hiyyih remarked, which you nodded to in agreement. 
rei laughed. “you guys act like he’s incapable of simple communication; he’s just relaying a message.”
“sometimes rei, i think he is,” you joked.
YANG JUNGWON ID: 78395 professor kim wants to see us
KIM Y/N ID: 78384 when?
YANG JUNGWON ID: 78395 after classes today at his office
KIM Y/N ID: 78384 ofc it’s at his office, you think he’d want to meet us in the restrooms?
YANG JUNGWON ID: 78395 i hope u fall off your broom on the pitch also come un-charm my wand or something right now.
KIM Y/N ID: 78384 can’t 🤷‍♀️  sux 2 b u
"honestly, if i didn't know better, i'd think you two had a hate-love relationship," minji teased.
"ew, anything above dislike is something i will never feel for yang jungwon," you scrunched your nose in distaste. how could minji even think something like that?
"whatever," she snickered.
arriving in front of the professor’s office door, you opened it to find jungwon already inside and seated on one of the chairs opposite the teacher’s desk. you bowed in greeting before taking the other empty seat.
“so,” professor kim started. “we need to talk about your behaviour as the head students.”
you gulped. had you done something wrong? were those threats to revoke your position on the first day real? 
looking over at your co-partner, his face was unreadable, as always. he looked perfectly calm, which infuriated you.
“as head boy and girl, you two are setting the standard for the rest of the school. you guys are supposed to be role models. but i’m sure you already know this.” professor kim paused and looked at both of you intently before continuing.
“so why is it i’m finding out that you two have not been doing your patrols together?”
oh. so that’s what this is about.
you and yang had completed one patrol session together on the first week of school, and it’s safe to say that it was… horrific. without going into too much detail, you guys had practically argued the whole two hours that night; although it was unlikely, if there were any couples making out or young students causing trouble, they probably heard you two from a mile away and hid before they were caught.
at the end of the night, you both agreed that you’d just swap your schedules and patrol with other prefects - possibly the only thing you two had ever agreed on.
“we weren’t aware that we had to patrol together,” you replied when the head boy was clearly not going to speak up first. what a pussy.
it was a lie; you guys obviously knew that head students were supposed to patrol together. having been prefects in previous years, you knew how things worked. it was why you had done the first patrol together after all. 
but you figured that since it wasn’t a specifically given instruction, you didn’t actually have to do it together.
professor kim stared at you two incredulously for a moment, his expression somewhere between exasperation and disbelief. a pool of anxiousness swirled in your stomach at the way he sighed and pinched his nose bridge frustratedly.
“listen, i don’t know what si-hyuk was thinking when he had chosen you two as the heads, given your history and all. but he chose you. so please show that you’re worthy of the title - let go of your childish rivalry. otherwise, we may actually have to find new head students.”
“you could just let go of her, professor. i’d be able to work with any other girl,” yang finally spoke up. of course the first thing he'd say is an insult.
you gasped and glared at him. 
“clearly, you’re the one who’s childish and immature here. maybe you should be the one to get replaced.”
“enough!” the teacher slammed his hands on the desk. “if you two keep this act up, we will not hesitate to replace you both.”
and so with that, you and yang left the office in uncomfortable silence. not a word was spoken between you until just before you parted ways.
“guess we’ll use the old schedule again,” he said. you nodded.
being the end of the day, you were both too tired to argue. the heavy workload that comes with NEWTS in addition to the responsibilities of your positions, you both left for your own common rooms without sparing another glance.
the dreaded patrol round came sooner than you would have liked, and you found yang waiting by the castle doors. you always seemed to be the later one, as if he’d placed a curse on you with that trick at the start of the year.
he kicked himself off the wall he’d been leaning against when he saw you, and began to walk without so much as a ‘hi’ or ‘let’s go’. you had to quickly jog to catch up to him.
the air between you two as you walked around was silent and tense, so thick that you could probably cut it with a knife.
surprisingly, yang was the first to break the silence.
“i was thinking - we should plan the first hogsmeade trip for this term.”
“mhm,” you hummed in agreement. “i think it’s best to have it after the quidditch match in november.”
“yeah, at the end of the month. and people would be able to go before the winter break.”
you fished your phone out from your pocket and opened the calendar app.
“when should we have it?"
yang leaned over your shoulder to look at your screen. “let’s have it on the twenty-seventh," he says, pointing at the date on the calendar. "it’d be good to have the week between the match and the trip free so we can prepare.”
you nodded as you listened, typing up a reminder to speak with the professors about it. 
“hey!” the head boy suddenly shouted, causing you to jump. “what are you kids doing here?”
you looked up to find he had opened a classroom, in which three students in around 4th or 5th year were standing. they stared up at the pair of you with wide eyes, like a dear in headlights.
“what are you doing?” you asked, regaining your composure. looking at their ties, you realised they were in slytherin, like you.
the students glanced at each other worriedly and slowly backed away from the two of you. you noticed them hiding something behind them on the desk.
pointing your wand at the items behind them, you summoned it nonverbally, yelling ‘accio!’ in your mind. the items flew into your arms.
“you all better go back to your common room. it’s way past your curfew,” yang warned them. “20 points from slytherin.”
the group shuffled out of the room and quickly ran back to the dungeons.
“isn’t 20 too many?” you grumbled. maybe you were a little biased since they were in your house though.
ignoring you, yang sighed as he turned back to look at the contents in your hands.
“what is it?” he asked.
upon closer inspection, it seemed to be the plannings or blueprint of a large snake puppet that moved on its own, the quote ‘slytherin slays’ painted along its body.
you held back a giggle as you read the notes on how to make the snake glare and breathe flames out when faced with a ravenclaw. yang snorted as he read them as well.
“you slytherins are always so immature when it comes to quidditch matches.” you rolled your eyes and glared at him, imagining you were breathing flames like the puppet snake.
“at least we have a strong sense of support for our house. what’re you birdies doing? painting little flying banners that the players won’t be able to read on the pitch?”
“my team doesn’t need to read our house’s support. we’re good enough and know if.”
“sounds like there’s just no house spirit.”
“say that to me when your team loses,” he challenged.
“you’ll be waiting forever then,” you retorted.
“let’s place a bet. 20 galleons that ravenclaw wins.”
“fine! if we wins, i want you to pay my monthly subscription in an online game for a year."
“what?”
“i need money," you huff, crossing your arms indignantly.
“you need muggle money.”
“well, yes. but i mean, you can convert your wizarding money into muggle money, then pay for my monthly subscription in a game so i get game money.”
“that sounds useless; for a kids’ game? and you called me the childish one?” he raised a questioning eyebrow.
“i wouldn’t need to find peace in an online game if you didn’t bother me all the time, you know," you complain. "you’re like a piece of gum i can’t get off my shoe.”
“you could just cast a spell to get the gum off,” he shrugged.
“you’re right, i’ll just cast a spell on you!” you smile brightly. “stupe-“
“oh my god, okay! i’ll pay for your stupid game - if slytherin wins, which you won’t.”
you smiled to yourself, a skip in your step for the rest of the patrol.
soon, the day of the match arrived; ravenclaw against slytherin (because of course it was). 
the morning of the match was lively as usual, everyone split between green and blue. 
you watched the large snake float above everyone’s heads in the great hall, breathing (harmless) flames into every ravenclaw’s face. 
just at that moment, you bumped into the trio of students who’d been planning the little surprise. you sent them a discreet smile.
“20 points to slytherin,” you awarded for the clever trick, but also to make up for the twenty that yang had taken.
suddenly, you screech when a flock of small origami birds flew and pecked at your hair, ruining the braid you’d put your hair in for the match. 
looking up, you noticed the small paper birds flying about the hall, pecking at every slytherin-supporter. this was definitely ravenclaw’s idea; no doubt yang had gotten inspiration from the those students you two had caught.
“you good, kim?” a familiar voice greets you. you turn to see the devil himself smirking at you, pleased with the mess you are.
“i was, until you got here.”
“maybe it’s a sign that you’ll lose today.”
“maybe it’s a sign you should shut up.”
the match started without a hitch. 
you scored the first 10 points of the match within 6 minutes, and by the first half hour, slytherin was ahead by 30 points. 
you enjoyed the thrill of being a chaser, trying different ways to get the quarrel past the keeper. in fact, you enjoyed flying in general, and being on the pitch.
that is until, you started getting pestered by the other team’s seeker.
you noticed yang seemed to be flying around you after a few laps, and sent him a questioning look.
“what are you doing, yang?”
“looking for the snitch, it’s my job.”
“well, i’m not the snitch. so keep looking!”
“well i’m certainly looking at a similar word.”
it took time to process what he meant, but when you realised, you glared at the boy.
“focus on the game- if you keep your eyes on me, you’ll be paying for my subscription soon!”
yang scoffed and looked away, searching the pitch for the snitch, sending you a glare before zooming away.
the game ended in slytherin’s favour, your team’s seeker barely clutching the golden ball in his hands before the head boy could reach it.
cheers roared across the stadium when it ended with your team’s success, students running onto the pitch in excitement to congratulate you and the other players.
“seriously, the way you threw the quaffle into the hoop while gliding through the air - it was so smooth!” minji gushed as rei nodded in agreement. 
“let’s go, there’s going to be a congratulatory party in the common room!” rei says, taking your hand to drag you.
“can i come?” asked hiyyih excitedly, who was a gryffindor.
“duh!”
you laughed as you followed your three best friends, when you caught sight of a certain person in the corner of your eye.
“wait, i have to do something real quick,” you pause to tell the girls. they stopped as well and looked at you curiously.
“what is it?”
“wait for me. i just need to talk to yang - head stuff,” you tell them off-handedly, before running off to the ravenclaw team.
“it’s definitely not about ‘head stuff’,” hiyyih nudges rei, who nods as they watch you leave.
you make your way to the losing ravenclaw team, even congratulating some of them on a good game. 
when you reach your target, you tap on his shoulder to get his attention, before smiling triumphantly up at him (wow, you never realised how much taller he was than you until now).
“what is it, kim?” he drawled with an eye-roll.
“the bet. i won.” you gloated, the smile never leaving your face, widening instead when he wore a look of disbelief.
“oh, right.” he sighed before scratching the back of his head, looking around thoughtfully. “let’s sort it out tomorrow, at patrol.”
“okay! don’t back down from your end of the bet.” 
“i may hate you, but i’m not a sore loser. see you tomorrow night, kim.”
“with my monthly subscription payment!” you say, waving tauntingly as you ran back to your friends.
“what did you need to talk to him about?” minji asked, putting her hand out to hold yours as you four made your way to the slytherin dungeons.
“we’re making monthly plans to help a student who needs it,” you say smugly.
“sounds like you’re twisting the truth,” rei laughed.
“but it is the truth!” you protested.
you found yourself happily scrolling through the game's catalog, looking to spend your newly-bought robux.
Tumblr media
ever since your deal on the match, you found yourself slowly warming up to yang.
well, not to the point you’d consider each other friends, but you acknowledge each other in passing with a nod or quick wave instead of pointedly looking the other way like usual.
you also argued less, much to the relief of the entire school. however, they were still apprehensive, waiting for something to blow up eventually. it was simply too suspiciously calm and quiet without your voices yelling down the hall or in the corner of a classroom.
as the weeks went on, you two learned to get along better and better everyday, even willingly becoming partners in potions once.
sometimes, you would walk to the great hall together for lunch or dinner after a meeting. you even spent your free periods with yang, which you told your friends was because ‘they didn’t have any frees with you’ so you ‘might as well spend it productively’ with the head boy who coincidentally shared the same free periods schedule.
you did lots of stuff together, as expected of the head girl and head boy.
yet, you always avoided studying together.
others might think it’s because of your rivalry; how one might copy off the other’s or something.
sure, you laugh to yourself. let people think what they want.
but the idea of studying with yang again brings back memories of fifth year.
you didn’t tell anyone about it, not even your own friends. 
at the end of the year, you’d been practically glued to the library for two months, studying for your OWLs.
“mind if i sit here?” 
you turn up to see a familiar face.
“yang?”
“there’s no other free space in the library,” he rolled his eyes, making up an excuse.
looking around, you realised he was right. the only other free spots were next to students that were notoriously weirdos who everyone avoided. maybe he doesn’t want them to copy off his work, you think to yourself.
“um, okay,” you agreed hesitantly while sucking on a sugar quill, moving some of your books to make space for him. those sweets often helped you focus.
yang pulled the seat out and sat down, before beginning to study himself.
you tried to continue as you were, but had lost focus. not even the green apple-flavoured sweet in your mouth could help you concentrate.
you were hyper aware of his presence - the way he hunched over the table with his hair falling over his face. you watched him from the corner of your eye.
why had he chosen to sit with you? were there seriously no better places to go? what about his room? the astronomy tower? the little corner window by the potions classroom downstairs?
“relax. i can feel how tense you are from here.”
“does your oh-so-precious pure-wizard blood give you the ability to sense emotions like a dog?” you scoffed. he looked up sharply and gave you a serious look.
“i just want to revise for my OWLs; let’s keep our disputes outside the library, where we won’t get hexed by madame park over there.”
you rolled your eyes and kept your head down, going back to your own business.
over the course of the month, a routine slowly began wherein you would often study together in the library. 
sometimes it was you joining him instead, and you would just wordlessly take the seat opposite him. even when there were other spaces to sit, you two always chose to sit together in the corner table, hidden from the rest of the school.
a word was never spoken between the two top students. and you never told your friends about the little arrangement either.
his presence quickly became something of a comfort for you - it was easier to focus on your studies when he was there. and if you ever needed help with something, he’d give you a few pointers when you finally begrudgingly asked.
he never asked you for help though, which always reminded you why he was number 2. it infuriated you how you had to work twice as hard than him just to barely surpass the boy.
whenever you heard people talking of him in passing, he was always nicknamed ‘the prodigy boy’. what were you called? ‘the girl that was good for a muggle-born’.
he was your rival, but you weren’t his. and he’s made that clear since the day you met.
and yet, despite all the resentment you held for him, you enjoyed his company. OWLs were stressing the life out of everyone, but it felt like you could get through it with him sitting across you.
maybe it’s because he motivated you to keep working harder, to try more so you could widen the gap between your ranks. seeing him everyday reminded you of why you tried so hard. maybe you wanted to show him (and everyone else) that being muggle-born doesn’t mean you’re any less than those born in this world. 
at least that’s what you told yourself. 
but it doesn’t explain why you began to glance at his lips every time he sat across you. 
it doesn’t explain why butterflies began to flutter in your stomach when you felt the warmth of his body close to yours as he’d lean over your shoulder and point at the book when you asked for help. or why you felt giddy when you’d play with each other’s feet under the table.
until one day, he’d dropped his smart-quill on the floor, and you were quicker to kneel down from your seat to get it. 
“here,” you said, handing him the quill, still on your knees on the floor.
as you faced him, you realised the close proximity only then. 
you stared into his eyes that pulled you in, keeping you locked and unable to escape from his gaze. he stared right back, the quill forgotten in your hand, which now lay on his left knee.
you didn’t even realise the way he slowly leaned down until he cupped your cheek.
his touch was soft; you leaned into it. 
“is this okay?” you could barely hear him whisper over the rapid beating of your heart. all you could do was nod.
your eyes fluttered shut as your lips finally connected. a mix of pretty emotions burst in your stomach, filling you with a giddiness you never knew before.
it might have been just a few seconds, or it could have been hours - you didn’t know. that first kiss was everything you ever imagined it to be.
you pulled away first, finally running out of air. but he chased after your lips, kissing you again. 
the memory of your first kiss will forever be cemented in your memory. you were just two 16 year olds, softly holding onto each other in the corner of a library, hidden from the rest of the world.
you scrunch your nose at the bittersweet memory. who would’ve thought your first kiss would be with the person you hate the most in this world. 
when you returned to school for sixth year that september, yang acted like nothing happened between you two. 
he ignored you for the first month of school, not even bothering to taunt you like he used to. everyone had been stumped, including you, but he eventually went back to his usual tactics, albeit with a noticeable lack of ‘stupid muggleborn who can never be on our level’ comments. soon you two were back to your regular bickering as if he didn’t ignore your existence for the first month of school. 
as if you hadn’t shared a kiss just three months before.
now, your developing friendship scared you. you didn’t want a repeat of last time; his actions had really hurt you back then.  
you remember all the nights you spent in the library, waiting. waiting for him to come, to explain why he was acting like that. waiting for something.
thoughts ran through your mind, trying to reason why he might do this. maybe he realised he didn't feel for you the way you felt for him. maybe he went back to his room that night and wiped all the muggle germs off his face. maybe he realised he was too good for you.
you remember all the times you cried yourself to sleep, eyes puffy for weeks that even your teachers asked if you were okay. if maybe you’d eaten something bad or been cursed. that maybe you should go to the infirmary to fix it.
hiyyih, rei, and minji had no idea how to help you, because you refused to tell them what was wrong. 
and you never did. it’s simply too embarrassing. explaining that you kissed your number one enemy and then he ignored you for month and acted like nothing happened between you two was humiliating. you knew your friends wouldn’t, but surely if other students found out, they’d laugh at you.
yang probably laughed with his friends about it. you were just waiting, dreading to hear the rumours of how you’re a bad kisser and how no one should ever want your muggle-born, good-for-nothing ass. 
every time you walked past him and his friends, you’d walk faster and look everywhere but their direction. you imagined their snickers and smirks as they watched you run by like a pathetic loser.
the rumours never came however. 
no one ever looked at you weirdly, or laughed at you. you ended sixth year with a big sigh of relief, releasing a breath you didn't realise you'd been holding the whole year.
now, you found yourself standing next to the very boy who you had spent the end of your 5th year with, walking a big group of students towards hogsmeade.
you sigh as you think about your astronomy test on monday, which you’d rather spend the weekend studying for.
unfortunately, as the heads, it’s you and yang’s duty to chaperone the students on their trip to the village. 
you sigh and pull on your strap, hiking your heavy bag higher up your back. you think of the long day ahead, studying in the corner of one of the quieter cafés, freezing your toes off. it’s not preferable, but it’ll have to do.
yang watches you, eyeing your heavy bag of books.
“what the hell? don’t tell me you’re spending this trip studying.”
“alright, i won’t,” you roll your eyes at him as you two trudge behind the large crowd of students. it was 9 in the morning, and you were too tired to reply.
“wouldn’t you rather spend your time with your friends? you somehow have those,” he teased.
“well yeah,” you huff, a little irritated at his care-free attitude. “but not everyone can pass an astronomy test without needing to study like you. some of us actually have to work our butts off for good grades.”
yang stopped in his tracks, causing you to follow and look back at him questioningly.
to your surprise, he wore a serious expression, glaring forward and refusing to look at you. you must’ve struck a nerve.
“stop acting like you’re the only one in the world that has to fucking work hard,” he fumed. you’ve never seen him this mad, even in all your arguments throughout the years. 
“you’re always going on about how much you have to study this, how you need to work harder than me that - blah blah blah. 
“why do you always feel the need to undermine my work? always downplaying my accomplishments to ‘mere talent’. what about the tens of hundreds of hours i’ve poured into my own studies? the hours i’ve spent sat by a tutor since i was 6?”
surprised by his outburst in combination with your own irritation and jealousy, you couldn’t help but retort.
“are you serious right now? do you have to make everything about yourself?”
“oh because the world revolves around you? you are so fucking entitled!”
“me? entitled?” you laugh in disbelief. “you’re talking about how i undermine and downplay your work, when you’ve always been the one to yell out to the whole world how i’m a ‘stupid, pathetic muggleborn who’s lacking and can never fit in this world’!” students were beginning to notice your argument and were looking behind as they walked at you two now.
“so that’s what this is about? some shit i said two years ago?” he scoffed.
“some shit you threw at me for 5 years!” you throw your hands up in frustration.
“well maybe you’re proving me right with all your talk about just how much you need to study because you’ll 'never have it as easy as us'!” he yelled right back, mocking you. “you don’t know a thing about me.” 
you stared at him, panting heavily. everyone’s attention was now on you two, people watching instead of walking.
“kim y/n! yang jungwon!” you hear the booming voice of professor kim shout over the crowd. 
he stormed to you two, face red and veins popping out his neck.
“this behaviour is incredibly inappropriate of role model students! you two are supposed to be guiding the students towards the village, is that such a difficult task?” he scolded you and yang in exasperation.
“could you at least keep your feud behind closed doors? it’s incredibly selfish to ruin everyone’s day with your constant fights!”
you looked down ashamedly as your friends took this as their sign to finally drag you from your spot. jungwon’s friend, nishimura riki from 5th year copied their actions.
professor kim looked at the crowd which had now completely stopped to watch the show. 
“keep moving kids!” he sighed, shaking his head in disappointment.  
“park gunwook,” he called. the gryffindor jogged towards the teacher. “pham hanni.” the hufflepuff followed. “you two will take over the role of chaperoning the students, since our head students are clearly unsuitable for the job,” he instructed, throwing you a dirty look. 
the two 6th year prefects nodded and began to walk behind everyone, feeling a little awkward at being put on the spot. 
you glared at yang one more time, but was met with a different expression instead.
yang met your stare with concern written on his face, as his tall friend dragged him away. it confused you; just a moment ago, he’d been furious with you, and now he looked worried? what was he worried about? what’s with the switch up?
you couldn’t ponder on it any longer, what with your own friends shuffling you away from the crime scene.
the rest of the day was spent tucked away in a little corner of a small café you found, one people didn’t go to as much.
the girls had tried to convince you to join them on their fun, but let you go when you told them you had star charts to memorise for your upcoming test. they seemed hesitant, but after witnessing your recent fight with the head boy, they reluctantly allowed you to go off on your own with promises of saving you a butterbeer.
you busied yourself with your books, not wanting to think about the weird events this morning. from your first disagreement in a while, to yang’s mood swing - it was better to spend your thoughts on what was more important.
eventually, you woke up in the late afternoon, only realising then that you had fallen asleep. the rays of light from the sunset seeped through the window, waking you up with its blinding brightness. 
how long had you fallen asleep? you could have been revising in the time you dozed off. astronomy was your weakest subject, so you really needed that precious time.
you groan in frustration, sighing as you sit up to straighten your back. but something falls off your shoulders as you do. 
you look behind you and realise it was a jacket, which had been left on your shoulders by someone. but who?
bewildered, you pick up the jacket (which had an oddly familiar scent to it) and turn back to your table of books. but before you can return to your studies, something catches your eye.
there, on top of a pile of textbooks, lay a green sugarquill. 
had my friends stopped by while i slept?
it didn’t particularly make sense though, since you agreed to meet up with them later tonight when you headed back to the castle. 
you picked it up, then noticed the note it had been sitting on.
sorry, i shouldn’t have said any of that earlier.  found you sleeping, don’t beat yourself up. you can do this. i remember sugarquills help you focus, right? don’t worry, it’s not poisoned or anything… goodluck on monday.
your heart squeezed painfully. his short message spoke volumes.
yang jungwon wasn’t one to apologise, seeing as he either never felt bad, or never really did anything wrong (in the eyes of everyone else).
you felt guilty too, seeing as it was your fault as well. you made a mental note to apologise to him in person later.
secondly, this was the first time he ever acknowledged the time you spent together in 5th year. it surprised you, because at this point you wondered if he had forgotten about it, or if it was all some sick dream you had.
heat rushed to your face and you had to put considerable effort into keeping your composure and not kick your feet and screaming right then and there. somehow, he’d remembered such a small detail about the sweet he left for you.
maybe the whole 5th year incident affected him more than he let on. maybe there really was something that happened between you guys.
or maybe you’re just being hopeful again. 
one thing you’re sure about though, is that yang jungwon is most certainly crazy.
Tumblr media
“welcome back everyone!” you greeted.
it’s the first prefect meeting of the term, everyone who left for the winter break having just returned two days prior.
“we have quite a bit to discuss today,” you started, before looking at jungwon to continue.
“let’s start with the more interesting news first.” he paused, looking at everyone before going on.
“me and the head girl have been planning something this winter, and with the approval of the headmaster, we can finally reveal it to you: the spring ball.”
you watched proudly as the prefects began whispering amongst themselves excitedly. you were so hyped up to be able to plan and make the event come to life.
“we wanted to give the students something more exciting to look forward to. you know- before OWLs and NEWTs completely take over our lives,” you joke, pulling chuckles out of everyone in the room.
“the idea is a formal, floral-themed event that’ll take place in the great hall. it’s only for 5th years and up, but younger years may attend if invited as a date.”
“since you guys are prefects, we’re asking for your help setting up the event. let’s talk ideas for decoration,” you say, pulling out your tablet to take notes.
as you wrote down the prefects’ thoughts and input, you were already drafting a schedule in your mind for preparations. that was until, you felt someone lean over your shoulder.
forcing yourself to keep writing, you tried to ignore the way your shoulder brushed against yang’s chest. one hand holding onto the backrest of your chair whilst the other lay on the table, next to your arm as you wrote on autopilot, your mind circuiting at the proximity. straightening your back in an attempt to compose yourself, you only push yourself against the boy more.
you were sure your face was as red as a tomato. your heart was beating so hard you were scared jungwon could hear it.
judging by the way he huffed in amusement, he probably realised the effect he had on you. 
“focus, kim,” he whispered so only you could hear, leaning lower to your level. you could imagine the smirk on his face.
“i am,” you tried to say with as much nonchalance as you could.
honestly, the moment was really reminding you of all those times he’d helped in the library. deja vu was really hitting you hard right now.
the rest of the meeting went smoothly - at least, as smooth as it could be with yang constantly flustering you as he subtly kept grazing your skin. 
now that you think about it, jungwon’s been acting strange lately. more… bold? that’s the best way you could explain it.
you don’t know how it happened, but ever since the hogsmeade trip, you two got closer. after you apologised to him, the incident in question was never spoken of again, never referred to. but it’s clear something shifted in your relationship with the head boy.
gradually, he began to fill up your everyday life, seeing him more often in the day than you used to.
in the mornings, you’d bump into each other in the common room after getting ready, and go down to the great hall for breakfast together. or, if one of you seemed to be running late after breakfast, you’d make sure to save some food and leave it in the common room for the other.
in the day, you two shared free periods, and so spent it lounging in the common room, simply doing work at the coffee table or reading a book on the couch. music would play in the background as you two sat in comfortable silence, basking in each other’s company.
in the evenings, you might come back from a late class to find him napping on the couch. so you’d shake him awake with a “jungwon, let’s go get dinner.”
you could be studying in the library corner of your shared living space, and he’d always remind you to eat. even when it was past any meal time, he’d drag you off the chair for a trip to the kitchens, where he’d get a house elf to make you two a snack. he often asked for eclairs, noticing it was your favourite.
but yang jungwon didn’t just take up your daily activities, he was always on your mind too.
thoughts of how he wouldn’t like the cold dim lights of the slytherin common room, or seeing students that he’s told you he isn’t particularly fond of floated in your mind when you visited your friends.
you even found yourself comparing him to characters in whatever series you absorbed yourself in. you seriously couldn’t stop thinking about him.
the fights stopped completely, but you two continued your flirting friendly banter all the time.
once, you managed to find time in your busy schedule to sit down and watch barbie movies. jungwon (when did you even start calling him that?) had walked in to the common room to find his bag which he had left there, only to see you huddled up in a blanket while watching barbie as the island princess magically projected onto the wall.
“what’s this?” he’d asked.
“muggle movies from my childhood. this girl here grew up on the island when one day, she was found by a prince who was intrigued by her, and brought her back to the city, where she finally learns who she really is,” you explained while keeping your eyes trained on the projection.
“and who is she really?”
“why don’t you sit down and watch, kitty?” you’d always called him by that nickname during your petty fights, since his face reminded you of a cute cat. now though, it became more of an endearing nickname for the boy.
“i have to write 10 inches on the use of the lumos solem spell by tuesday.”
“that’s 5 days away! come on, don’t you wanna know? it’s really good, i promise. we can watch from the start, and i’ll help you with that charms essay, since professor song assigned it to us to, and i already got started on it,” you asked, twisting to face him with the best pleading look you could muster.
“fine, but only because you begged," he relented with a playful smile.
so that’s how you ended up binging barbie movies into the wee hours of the morning, sharing a blanket with your proclaimed enemy on the sofa.
“you honestly look more like serafina,” you tease him.
“what? but she’s a girl! wouldn’t wolfie be a better fit?”
“but serafina has more cat-like eyes! you guys have similar eyes.”
“are you serious right now? they’re both cats!” he gestures to the movie, paused at the last scene.
“but you really look like her!” you insist, using both hands to point at each corner of his eyes, shifting closer to him. “they’re upturned.”
“didn’t realise you knew that about me, babe.” he wrapped his own hands around your wrists, as they hovered above his face. “if i’m serafina, you must be wolfie.”
“why? because we’re partners in crime?” you snorted at his suggestion. “they get married at the end and have a bunch of little kitties too. you want that?”
“if that’s what you’d like,” he shrugged, his lips pulling into a downwards smile.
you stared at him incredulously, heartbeat suddenly pounding as you looked into the growing smug look on his face. his eyes that managed to shine even in the dark never failed to root you on the spot, unable to look away.
what were you feeling? you've looked at jungwon so many times over the past 5 years, but the boy's gaze never made you feel like this way before. like you were floating on air; like you could do anything with him by your side, looking at you like that.
in fact, thinking back to all your years of knowing him, it's funny how much things have changed in the past several months.
you actually giggle a bit, sitting back, further from his warmth. you immediately miss the soft touch of his fingers around your wrists.
"what are you laughing about?" he asks, but he's laughing too.
"you. me; us."
"are we comedians now or something?"
"no, but we're definitely clowns of the circus." jungwon grinned at your statement, an amused huff escaping his lips.
"penny for your thoughts?"
"i was just thinking... how did we go from having wars in the middle of DADA in 3rd year, to watching muggle barbie movies at 2am on a saturday?" you think out loud.
"when you put it like that... we do sound like the comedy act of a show," he admits, scratching the back of his neck.
"at least i do."
"what do you mean?" you ask, shifting your position on the couch to sit up. you move your cold feet so they rest between jungwon's ankles, soaking in their warmth.
"our little feud - you know, the fights, the hexes, all that. it was all because of me."
"what? no it wasn't - i instigated a lot of them too," you say, trying to reassure him. was he feeling guilty and blaming himself?
"but, it was! honestly, if it wasn't for my stupid shallow thinking, we might've been friends way earlier." you looked at him patiently, nodding for him to continue.
"i used to think that muggle-borns were stupid and would fall behind in everything - school, work, just because you had no idea of how our world worked. honestly, i pitied and felt sorry for you guys, because i thought you could never be on our level. i know now how ignorant i was, obviously," he scoffed at himself.
"so when i met you, i thought you were an idiot. you are, don't get me wrong-" he teased you, causing you to roll your eyes, although smiling lightly. "but even though you're muggle-born, you always managed to do better than me.
"you were constantly the best student in our year- no, our school. you were faster at understanding concepts than i was, immediately getting things right on the first try. hell, even when i would go flying on the pitch to relieve my stress and then got recruited into the ravenclaw team in third year, i finally thought i was better than you at something. and then you joined your team in 4th, and was called the 'ace' of slytherin. what a blow all of that to was to my ego."
"i joined the team to annoy you," you shyly admit. "but why did you even think that in the first place?" you asked, not angry. you wanted to hear him out and finally get answers to questions you've asked yourself for so many years. you wanted to understand, and know the boy in front of you.
"well, you know that my father's company is successful. so growing up, i was given the best. my parents hired the best tutors for me, so i'd be ahead of everyone else when i started hogwarts. my teachers said i was their best student, my parents showed me off to their friends as their 'pride and joy' or something dumb like that. other parents compared their kids to me, i was that kid.
"i knew i was privileged though - that i had money and could afford to have this good education. so i made the best of it and constantly told myself that others would be lucky to have my life, so i wanted to prove i was worthy of it by working hard and pushing myself all my life.
"but with that, i developed the mindset that people who don't have money like i do can't have as much knowledge as me since they don't have access to it - and that included muggle-borns. you had zero knowledge of this world, which works incredibly different to yours. we have different moral compasses; notions of common sense; understanding of how things worked.
"so imagine how surprised i was to find that you were doing better than me in school. me, who had sat beside a tutor since i was 6, who was learning OWL content at 12. all this only for a girl who didn't even know magic existed until a month before to top me in school.
"that's why i was always angry; i was angry with my tutors for not teaching me better; at you for being better. but most especially at myself. for deluding myself into thinking that way." you two were silent for a moment.
"what changed?" you asked.
jungwon breathed in, preparing himself.
"5th year. i was finally learning to respect you, so when i walked into the library that was full of students, you seemed like the best option to sit next to."
"really? still hadn't gotten over that 'i'm better than everyone blah blah blah' attitude?" you asked, smugly tilting your head to the side.
"shush," he hid his face. "but... i got to learn how hard you really worked back then. i used to think you just had some gift for learning. but watching you with your head down for hours, i felt like i was discrediting all that with something like 'innate talent'.
"i went back home that summer confused and having a mid-life crisis at 16. my dad talked to me though, knocked some sense into me.
"he said that just because muggles don't know magic, doesn't mean they can't do anything. i mean, the whole idea of smart devices that our company is literally known for was taken from muggles! without you guys, we wouldn't have that in our world either. you created it, we just used magic to expand it.
"i was pretty shaken up after that, and was in a daze when 6th year started. it took me a while to sort my thoughts out and gather myself."
it was silent for a while, now nearing 3am.
jungwon just spilled out his guts to you, in the dim atmosphere of your common room. now you were the one collecting your thoughts.
"i'm sorry too."
"what? you never did anyth-"
"but i basically did the same thing as you. you studied for years and years, and i just always thought you were also naturally smart; that you never needed to study like i did because you already knew it all."
silence enveloped the two of you once again.
"...so i guess we're more similar than we thought, huh?" he smiled softly at you. you felt like you were floating again.
"i guess so."
jungwon unfolded his legs and opened his arms out as a gesture, which you gladly accepted and fell into his embrace.
"so, are we good now?" you asked.
"hmm, i still feel like you owe me something for all those years of endless anger and feeling like shit."
"you mean for enlightening you that we stupid muggles aren't so stupid?" you asked, face still buried in his chest, your voice muffled against his sweatshirt. "shouldn't you owe me? for teaching you a lesson?"
"but i want something," he pouted, pulling on your wrist.
"what is it? as long as its affordable."
"is going to the spring ball with me affordable?"
you turn your head to look up at him, who's looking down at you with shy eyes, waiting for your answer.
"i don't know... how much does it cost?" you play along. you already know your answer anyway.
"it'll cost you about..." he pulled out the calculator app on his phone, pretending to add up a total. "one kiss."
you laughed at him, finally pulling away from his arms.
"was that at the end of 5th year not enough?"
"no," he pouted, eyebrows knitted. so cute, you thought.
"alright then, but is it okay if i pay you that hefty price later at the ball?" jungwon sighed dramatically, crossing his arms and rolling his eyes.
"i guess... but the price might increase to 10."
"that's okay, i'll give you as many as you want, as long as the first one is special."
"i didn't know you were sentimental like that," he smirked at you, kissing your cheek. you shrugged nonchalantly, smiling at him.
"i didn't know you were so needy for kisses like that."
"touché," he laughed, dragging you in for another hug, cuddling you until you both fell asleep in each other's arms.
Tumblr media
since that night, you and jungwon gradually learned to be comfortable each other. and with the ball preparations, there was lots of opportunities to do so.
you realised that - without the hostility between you two, it was much easier to find compromises when you disagreed on something. jungwon did things differently from you, but listened to your thoughts and offered his too.
as the weeks went on, you found yourself looking forward to meetings with him, missing his presence when he wasn’t with you.
something in the way he’d nudge you lightly when you were worried about something, wrap his arm around you and squeeze your shoulder, or simply smile at you brightly with those cat-like eyes of his - they were all comforting.
the change in atmosphere didn’t go unnoticed by your friends either.
"what was that??" rei interrogated you when jungwon pulled you aside for the nth time this week.
"oh, he just wanted to talk about putting up decor later," you answer nonchalantly, taking a bite out of your toast.
"he has the same conversation with you practically every day," minji rolled her eyes.
"yeah, and i'm more surprised that you don't come ranting to us about every interaction you two have," hiyyih agrees, eyeing you suspiciously.
"well, i just grew up and matured," you try to defend yourself.
"if growing up and maturing means developing a crush, then yeah. you sure did." rei pauses before continuing. "is there something you aren't telling us?"
technically, yes. you weren't telling them about the development between you and jungwon - at least not yet. but you didn't exactly have a crush on the boy, in the sense that it was a one-sided thing and you were too shy to confess. but you didn't really want to tell them what was going on between you two, because you didn't know yourself.
were you and jungwon friends(-ish)? yes. but were you dating? no, definitely not. there's no doubt though that your strange, blurry, undefined relationship will develop soon enough, and you'd rather wait until everything's clear before telling your friends.
"she's not saying anything - something is definitely up!" hiyyih gasped excitedly, causing rei and minji to giggle, and you to shake your head.
you had noticed that jungwon seemed to always find reasons to talk to you, even if it's little things you've already discussed before, or silly simple questions like 'how's your day going?' or 'what barbie movie are we watching tonight?'
yeah, you two often found yourselves watching barbie movies late into a friday night.
you also ended up cuddling on the couch almost every evening after a long day of duties, particularly on patrol nights. after your rounds, you two would head back up to the head dormitories, where you'd flop onto the couch, and he'd jump onto you soon after.
the others would go crazy if they ever found out, you laugh to yourself.
the next day would be the night of the ball, so you were pretty wrapped up in helping out throughout the day.
"everything's set up," haerin, a 5th year gryffindor prefect told you.
"it looks really good," you tell her, looking at the great hall. it looked great now, and you were excited for how it would turn out in the dark of the night later.
"did you manage to complete the spell?" she asked curiously.
"i did, but i'm only 89.7% sure it'll work," you say, biting your lip. you hated not being completely sure about something, like an answer, or in this case - a self-made spell.
you turn when you hear a laugh behind you.
"i like how you have a specific percentage even when it comes to feelings," jungwon says through a grin. "your brain works weirdly"
"whatever, kitty," you roll your eyes light heartedly at him.
facing the great hall again, you take a deep breath as you cast the spell on the great hall, chanting the incantation as you wave your wand.
in a moment, the hall was filled with falling petals of different colours, though they didn't litter the ground messily, simply disappearing when they reached the ground. vines reached out from between the tiled floor, wrapping around table legs and growing bright vibrant flowers of their own. small orbs of light flickered throughout the ceiling, like fairies illuminating the scene.
"wow, it looks amazing, y/n!" one of the professors helping around praised.
"it really does," jungwon says, snaking his arm around your waist, his hand clinging onto your side snuggly.
"thank you," you mumble, as you both look up at the pretty scene in front of you.
soon, night falls and you're running down the staircase with your friends, holding up the ends of your dress to avoid stepping on it.
"careful y/n! or you might trip!" you hear hiyyih call out from behind you.
"she's just excited to see her prince charming," minji laughs, but the three of them are also running, holding up their own dresses.
the doors of the great hall open, revealing the breathtakingly decorated room, some guests already having arrived at the scene.
"wow, this is amazing..." rei gasped, enchanted by the way coloured lights perfectly illuminate the hanging wisteria flowers, and butterflies fluttering throughout the room.
"you seriously outdid yourself. how did you even do this?" hiyyih asked.
"only y/n could make a spell as complicated as this," jungwon's voice says, announcing his presence. "you look good, by the way," he adds when you look at him.
a quick one-over of his look tonight does not do him justice. so you find yourself staring unashamedly at his figure.
the way his waistcoat hugs his figure emphasises his broad shoulders, something you didn't even realise you found attractive until you saw it on him. a red tie lazily tucked into the waistcoat plus the rolled-up sleeves - it all made your mind go haywire.
"you would know, having been subjected to all the spells she's made over the years," hiyyih laughs at the memory.
"didn't know you spent so much time thinking about me, kim," he goaded.
"oh trust me, she def-" you cut rei off by covering her mouth with your gloved hand.
"thanks, jungwon," you say quickly, giving him a smile and pushing your friends away.
"he was flirting with you!" rei loudly whispers into your ear.
"and what do you want me to do about it!" you say, making sure your friends couldn't see the deep blush on your face.
"flirt back!" minji huffs out exasperatedly. "i'm sick and tired of whatever has been going on between you two for years!"
"yes, please just end it tonight! whether you get together or never talk about it again," rei rolls her eyes.
"what?" you stop, looking at them.
"rei's right, although i'd prefer for you to finally get together."
"wait wait wait, what do you mean?"
"are you being for real right now? you two have clearly had a thing for each other this whole time!" rei says like it was obvious. "we've known it for years."
"go get your man!" hiyyih sighs, turning you by your shoulders and pushing you away this time.
you try not to dwell on the thought of your friends betting on your relationship with jungwon, and pretend you never heard a word come out of their mouths.
soon, the headmaster calls for everyone's attention.
"welcome students!" his voice echoes throughout the hall, the music quietening for his speech. "first and foremost, i want to thank this year's head girl and boy for organising such an event for us. give it up for kim y/n and yang jungwon!" he shouts, a spot light highlighting your two figures in the room. you quickly turn to look at jungwon, who looks back at you with a smile, as everyone claps loudly, some even whistling supportively.
"and with that, may the spring ball begin - with the spring dance, kicking off with the head boy and girl leading the first dance," professor si-hyuk ends his speech.
everyone cheers and makes way for you two on the dance floor, which magically raises up in the middle of the hall.
music begins to play as you face the head boy, who inches closer to you every second.
time slows as he places his hand on your hips, guiding your hand to his shoulders. all other noise is drowned out by the sound of your heart, pounding so hard it might come out your chest. you don't see anyone but yang jungwon.
and he's looking at you like he sees no one else but you either.
it's crazy, how you're here, dancing, in the arms of the person who you've hated since 1st year - who motivated you to work hard during all these years.
you think back to your first meeting with him.
you could imagine the sparkles in your eyes as you stare at everything in awe, still in disbelief.
last month, a weirdly-dressed person knocked at your front door, and told your parents that you were a witch.
of course, you hadn't believed her at first, until she pointed her wand at a decorative figurine and made it float upside down. you and your family had been absolutely floored and confused. how could something like that even happen?
last month, the weirdly-dressed lady described to you a world that sounded fictional, of magic and creatures you could never even imagine. she explained why you had all these weird happenings growing up, things that were simply unexplainable.
your world was turned upside down in a few moments, and now you were here, on a train, to a magical school.
of course, you were incredibly sad to be away from your family for the first time in your life, but you were assured that you still had many ways to connect with them. and so, you set off into a new world completely alone, but with a lot of excitement.
you walked around the compartments as the train set off, peering and saying hi to other students.
until, you bumped into a boy who had the prettiest eyes you've ever seen, and the cutest little dimple that had 11-year old you's heart melting.
"be careful and look where you're going," he says nonchalantly.
"i'm so sorry! i was just so excited - i mean, aren't you? could you ever believe magic exists? i won't until i try it for myself!" you ramble enthusiastically.
you trail off when you see him looking at you with a mix of pity and boredom.
"oh, so you're a muggle-born, huh?"
"what do you mean?" you ask confusedly.
"well, whatever you think, i'm not like you. i already know what you just learned, and i already know what you still have to learn," he shrugs, picking at his nails like he ha better things to do than talk to you. "sorry, i think you're going to struggle a little bit here," he simply says, and leaves you alone in the middle of the train corridor.
what the hell? you ask yourself.
snobby rich kids isn't something you thought you'd experience in the wizarding world, but i guess somethings are just universal, huh?
something about the way he looked at you; talked to you like you were below him though - it bugged you.
"i'm gonna struggle?" you ask yourself in disbelief. absolutely not, you didn't want him to be right. you'll make sure of it.
and so, you ran back to your own compartment and pulled out your books, making a resolution to study everything and make sure you knew all the content. you wanted to show whoever that kid is that he's wrong, that you're better than him.
and so, the rest of the long ride and even your first night was spent catching up on what you missed out on, making sure you were prepared for whatever this extraordinary world would throw at you.
and most especially, preparing for whatever trouble the boy, who's name you learned was yang jungwon would give you.
gradually, more people join the dance, but you're so entranced by the boy in your arms, you don't notice how he's whisked you away from the main dance floor.
now towards the side of the room, away from all attention, jungwon looks down at you with all the love in his eyes.
it's overwhelming, you can't escape your emotions anymore. you like jungwon, possibly even more. you feel like all these feelings are about to burst out of you, and jungwon's arms are the only thing keeping you together.
"y/n, i think you still owe me something," he whispered, his face dangerously close to yours.
"and what would that be?" you naturally retort, having developed the instinct to talk back when it came to him.
"don't play with me, please let me kiss you."
"i don't think so." you pause teasingly, trying not to giggle at his pout, his dimple coming out. "let me kiss you," you say, finally leaning in, sealing your lips.
it felt just like the one back in 5th year, but better. jungwon held you impossibly closer by the waist, as if fearing you would run away. but you won't, and you never will. because in his arms, you never felt as safe and comfortable in your own skin as you did then.
you finally part for air, but jungwon's eyes never strayed from your face.
"i lied earlier by the way, when i said you looked good." you raise your eyebrows at him questioningly, before he smiles cheekily at you. "you look like the stars that put me to sleep every night."
"i didn't know you were poetic like that," you laughed lightly, leaning your forehead on his chest. "you look like my boyfriend."
"that's because i am," he says pulling you in for another kiss.
you don't think you'll ever get tired of kissing him. it's an unforgettable moment, and an unforgettable night.
you never knew you were missing something until you met jungwon, and you think you can finally breathe with him next to you (and your friends passing riki 20 galleons each two tables away). 
Tumblr media
; author's corner! hii this was inspired by all the jily fics i've read over the years (whew i didn't even realise how long i've been reading fanfiction...) LMAO anyways may irls never find out this acc belongs to me bc my realistic self barfed at what i just wrote but my delulu self was kicking and giggling while editing but i hope you enjoyed!
; taglist @wonuslust @enhacatalog @makiswrld @forjungwons @yebin14 @lovelovelovebts @amanda-archives @beomgyusonlywife @bbinwrld@em-asian @enhamysunshines @ahnneyong @jungwonscafe bold couldn't be tagged!
Tumblr media
2K notes · View notes
pinkcarnatixns · 3 months
Text
leah williamson | training wheels
Tumblr media
synopsis your plan for a romantic date goes downhill when your girlfriend admits she doesn't know how to ride a bike [2.1K] contents pouty! leah, slight injury, slightly suggestive
You really thought that your girlfriend would be blown away by your plans for a romantic date, but you apparently had made a quite significant miscalculation. 
Leah, constantly one to sweep you off your feet, had organized a sweet weekend getaway to Amsterdam for your six month anniversary. Since joining the club and hitting it off with the blonde, you hadn’t had much time to explore around Europe like you’d hoped when you first decided to make the move. With the way she hung onto your every word, Leah had clearly remembered this small detail and planned an extremely thoughtful getaway around it, surprising you with the plane tickets after training one day. 
You were nearly drunk on the amount of affection you felt for the girl, having been sufficiently pampered with the amount of plans she had made for the two of you. The day before, Leah had arranged a walking tour of the city which, wanting to stay in her own little bubble with you- was guided by the overexcited girl herself. Judging by the exasperated texts you received from a certain Dutch striker afterwards, it seemed that she had really gone all out to impress you, even if it meant she was never allowed to ask Viv a question again. If you hadn’t been completely gone for her by that point, you had arrived back to your beautiful hotel room just to see a new dress and heels laid out on your bed, before you were promptly shooed off to get ready. 
When you stepped out of the bathroom that had turned into your holding cell at her insistence, you were pleasantly surprised by the sight of your girlfriend in a suit you had picked out for her during one of your first ‘dates.’ She had been so nervous then, and desperate for an excuse to see you away from your teammates’ teasing remarks, using the excuse of an upcoming event to have you go shopping together. You never did get to see her in it, and when you had started dating, she claimed that it was too precious and had to be used for an incredibly important event. 
Apparently, she had deemed her surprise dinner date a special enough occasion, almost missing the reservation due to your appreciation of her attire. After hours of giggling over an expensive bottle of wine and being kindly told to wrap it up by staff, both your stomach and heart were completely full. Stumbling around in the streets hand-in-hand, entirely too dressed up while looking for ice cream with her jacket hugging your shoulders, you could have died happy.
So, after finally collapsing for the night and drifting on cloud nine, you decided you wanted to return the favor somewhat- to make her swoon for once. With a free day tomorrow, and her snoring softly in your ear with your head pillowed by her arm, you sneakily turned your phone brightness down and hatched your plan. 
In the morning, even though Leah took so much coaxing to get out of bed that your lips were sore, you had succeeded in getting her dressed and out the door. Not one to enjoy being out of the know, she had attempted many sneaky glances at your navigation app, receiving warning glances every time she tried to distract you from your mission. As you approached, you gave her a deceivingly sweet smile, immediately making her suspicious. “Love, you’re being quite cryptic and we’ve gotten pretty rural. Do I really treat you so badly you’ve taken me to the Dutch countryside to kill me?”
“Leah! Where’s your sense of adventure?” You pout at her with hands on your hips, determined to have your dream realized. “Now can you close your eyes please?”
“Oh, this is really the end for me now. Tell my mum I love her.” She sasses back at you, but does as you say anyhow, putting her hands over her eyes for emphasis. You mock her accent and pouty tone under your breath, but delicately guide her by the crook of her elbow, taking care that she doesn’t trip over anything. 
She lets you lead her, careful to keep her eyes shut to avoid upsetting you and whatever has gotten you so excited. You firmly tell her to stay where she is and reinforce that she needs to keep her eyes shut before she hears your steps walk off. She worries you’ve gone and left her abandoned there before she makes out your voice talking to someone quietly, curious at the clanging that follows the conversation. Relieved at the warmth of your hands returning to her, you slowly take her hands away from her eyes. “I’m going to count down! Stay here- ” She hears you scurry off and at your prompt, opens her eyes, letting them adjust to the sunny day. 
“Ta-da!!” Her eyes focus on you, before dragging over to what you’re gesturing excitedly to. Hand gestures highlighting two bikes- fuck. Her face goes completely red as you prattle on, “We’ll be so cute! And this path up here goes just past some pretty tulip fields, we can stop and have a picnic!” 
Silently and not quite meeting your gaze, she grabs one of the bikes by the handlebars and starts walking it past the stand where you had rented them- nodding in thanks to the old man running it. This leaves you completely confused, and you jog your bike over to where she’s walked off, “Is it horribly cheesy? Do you hate it? I’m sorry I just wanted to do something for you because-” 
Once out of range of the little bike stand, she whips around to face you and mumbles something under her breath, only making eye contact with her feet. You tilt your head questioningly, prompting her to try again, and she rushes out “‘m not good at riding bikes.”
As you take a second to actually process her fast words, it’s your turn to be embarrassed, “Leah! You’ve never told me you don’t know how to ride a bike? I dragged you all the way out here trying to be romantic!” 
She kicks around the gravel under her Birkenstocks, like a scolded kid pouting, “It’s embarrassing…” You sigh hard and start to speak before being cut off, “-And I know how to ride one I’m just not good at it!” 
You raise an eyebrow, and she immediately loses the nerve she had built up, averting her eyes again. Having been too determined to give up something you had been so excited for, you knock your kickstand and trudge over to her. “Well get on! We’re going to get your confidence up!” 
She realizes that you’re not giving up anytime soon, losing the battle of puppy-dog eyes that she initiated. You expect her to climb right onto the bike, but instead she also kicks her stand and steps away. You’re ready to protest, expecting that she’s ready to call it a day, but are surprised when she falls into a crouch in front of you. She hastily starts tucking the bottoms of her baggy jeans into her socks and glares up at your shaking form, trying to contain your laugh. “What! You really do want me to die, don’t you? What happened to safety first?”
You shoot her an apologetic glance, still letting some giggles escape as you ruffle her hair. “I’m very flattered that you care so much for some cheap H&M jeans I bought you love, but I think you’re safe. Now stop stalling!”
She shoots you a wary glance, but regardless stands and kicks her leg back over the bike, getting into position. “Now! The hardest part is just getting started and righting your balance so I’ll give you a little push!” 
Leaving her side to stand over the back wheel, you grab her hips to steady her as she places her foot on one of the pedals. She stiffens slightly and shoots you a wink over her shoulder at the new position, “Well miss cheeky! I bet this was your plan all along wasn’t it?”
At her teasing, you slightly lean her over to the side she isn’t resting on, crumbling her confidence and setting off her balance- her face paling immediately. “Hey! This is no way to treat someone who is greatly humoring you right now! We could’ve been having a grand old time back in our hotel room at this time!” 
“Sorry sorry! Just focus!” You giggle and feel your face get a bit hot at the implications of her words before continuing. “Okay you’re gonna sit up, look up-” She follows your words, and with a hard push from you, “And pedal!” 
She wobbles a bit, clearly panicking and forgetting to actually pedal, having to put her feet back down to stop herself from completely toppling over. Catching her breath, she exasperates. “This is horrible! Who does this for fun? Psychopaths?” 
You try terribly hard not to laugh at her, but she’s just so cute and frustrated that you can't help yourself, shooting her a big smile at her withering glance. You really do appreciate that she’s trying for you, and lean up to give her a big, exaggerated kiss on the cheek with some words of encouragement. “You really almost had it baby! Just have to breathe and pedal, momentum helps a lot! Now come on, one more time, I’ve got you.”
She nearly hops off, and you rush to praise her so that she keeps at it, “You really are so brave lovie! I nearly had to be shipped off to the hospital when I was being taught!” She puffs up a little at the praise, and so you give her a proper kiss and continue, “My fearless, beautiful girlfriend!-”
“Alright alright, one more time but that is it! I don’t like making a fool of myself.” She backs up a little bit, ready to start again and clearly psyching herself up in her head. This time you’re stationed next to her, holding her handlebar with one hand and the seat cushion with the other. She glares down at the bike like it’s personally out to get her as you count her off, kissing her on the cheek and propelling her forward with all your strength on one. 
She gets some really good speed at your push, but once again forgets she needs to do the rest, righting her error as you yell desperately, “Pedal!” 
She starts really getting the hang of it with minimal swerving, and you whoop excitedly as she actually manages to turn the bike around and head back towards you, complete with a smug smirk on her face as she passes you. 
However, her pride doesn’t last for long enough as her eyes are still glued to you and not on the rock in her way. Before you can warn her, she’s crashing to the ground and you rush over to her deflated form. Luckily, her football instincts had clearly kicked in and she had landed with no injuries, bar some scrapes on her face and hand. You know you’re really in for it at the familiar frown you receive as you help her up. 
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚
The door chime indicating your exit from the small convenience store, you walk over to your poor girlfriend’s pathetic form, a cup of ice in one hand and box of plasters in the other. Sitting on the rough wood of the bench, she allows you to coo over her as you patch her up and hold ice over her thrumming wounds. 
You hold her hand in silence, laying your head on her shoulder as you sit side-by-side, watching the sun set over the beautiful tulip fields. You tear up a little bit, emotional at the view and that you were the cause of your girlfriend’s wounds, your plans slightly ruined. You nearly open your mouth to apologize again when she starts, “Thank you for today. I would’ve never thought to just sit outside and enjoy the view like this. And for believing in me, even if it was slightly misplaced.” She chuckles at the last part, placing her head on yours and nuzzling in slightly.  
You giggle at her sincere words, squeezing her hand in yours, reveling in the heat radiating off her accompanied by the comforting smell of her perfume. “All these flowers and you still have my favorite two lips in the world. Speaking of, I think I deserve a proper kiss after my act of courage today.”
You laugh at her horribly cheesy joke, but decide to indulge her anyway, pulling off her shoulder and cradling her poor wounded head in your hands as your lips meet.
a/n: thank u guys so much for the love on my last fic!! also terribly sorry if this doesn't make sense to my dutch friends </3 i am american
++ my reqs are open for more leah fics or for other woso girlies!
555 notes · View notes
dorayakichan · 9 months
Text
Jealous Windbreaker Characters Headcanon
When they see you talking with someone who is clearly flirting with you.
Characters mentioned: Jay, Vinny, Owen, and Joker. x fem! reader
Tumblr media
Jay
He doesn’t show it. 
He acts as if everything is fine in the beginning because he does trust you. After all, having been able to break through the barrier of the eunuch speaks for itself.
Yet, if the other person keeps approaching you and flirting with you, that’s when he will get really serious. And no not serious as in he will come up to you two while talking and do the whole protective boyfriend act. Not at all.
He will wait for you to finish the conversation, come back to him, and then he will hold you by your hand glaring at the person who approached you and taking you away. He would also be by your side no matter what if he ever saw that person approach you again.
Jay is a man of few words, but with his actions, he can still show you how he feels. 
If that person keeps constantly annoying you, literally making you feel uncomfortable, that's when he will intervene and protect his girl.
To sum it up, he won’t show it but if you notice these small gestures you will be able to understand that he in fact cares quite a lot.
Vinny
It certainly depends on what kind of person the one trying to flirt with you is. If they are a street thug or just a random plain person in the street. 
Vinny would come behind you throwing daggers at the person. He wouldn’t talk but his tall well-built body and facial expression would be enough to make anyone pee their pants and run off leaving you in the middle of the conversation.
On the other hand, if that person looked rich or kind of important that’s where Vinny’s insecurities would show. 
He would again be behind you with a stern expression on his face but this time there would be no confidence in him. 
And the more your conversation got prolonged the more he would feel like he maybe wasn’t a good fit for you. Every possible reason why you are better off without him would run through his mind and in the end, if that person left you would be facing an extremely annoyed Vinny who would stay silent and say words to try and push you away for your own good. 
Yet, he would totally regret it and keep thinking about how he treated you, still, he would have no courage to come up and tell you that. 
On the other hand, if he saw that you were uncomfortable or if you told him that you didn’t like how that person approached you and was talking to you he would regain some kind of confidence and next time wrap his hand around your waist in a protective manner if the person approached you again.
Owen
Somebody approaching you? No no my dear nobody would be approaching just you, they would be approaching you and Owen both if they so badly wanted to try. 
How could you even imagine Owen leaving your side even for just a second anyway. The guy would be glaring and insulting the person who approached you right in their face. 
To add more insult to it he would grab you by your shoulder and pull you away, no matter who that person is, nobody flirts with his girl right under his nose. 
If on the other hand, Owen was not there, don’t worry a member of the Light Cavalry would be, maybe some meters away, but they would always be on the lookout for any kind of danger after Owen's relentless begging to not let you alone. 
If Owen left you for some minutes and came back seeing somebody trying to flirt with you and you smiling at them or even casually talking kindly to them, he would be pissed. 
After glaring at the person, he would cling to you, wrap an arm around your waist, pull you closer, kiss you on the forehead in front of them, and even go as far as grabbing your hand and kissing it while staring down at the person in front of him. 
After that, he would constantly hug you, and lean on you, giving you a puppy look and asking why you smiled at the person or talked with them, who they were, and if they were important to you.
No matter your answer he would have that sad puppy look on his face all the time after that. 
The best way to proceed with this guy is to give him a kiss out of nowhere or take him by surprise with something that he likes so he would forget about the incident.
Joker
He is a very jealous type.
If he sees someone flirting with you, he is not going to let that pass. He will wait for you to finish talking with them, send you home, and then smash their face if they are a guy in the back of an alley. 
Nobody approaches his girl or dares to flirt with her.
He won’t be telling you any of that though, he will act as if everything is okay and he doesn’t care about the other person. But you will be able to notice the way he harshly grabs onto the chair he is sitting on. Or how his whole mood will change into a gloomy one.
If you ask why he is acting that way he won't tell you the truth and act as if everything it’s fine.
Worse if someone is flirting with you and he sees that you are actually enjoying the conversation. That person might end up half-dead at the door of the hospital the next day.
After that, he will be all petty, and not respond to anything you ask or say. Will look away, and this time if you ask him what’s wrong he will just give you the silent treatment. 
It’s not because he is petty about you talking with other guys, it's because he, like Vinny, feels that he is not good enough for you and you deserve more than he has to offer. 
This attitude of his won’t last long anyway. As soon as he sees that he has upset you, he will go to the underground fighting club. He won’t meet you for a week working hard day and night making money so he can buy something for you.
When he comes with his gift he will wait for you at your front door and if you don’t go out he might sleep there the whole night clutching tightly onto the present he has for you.
How can you even think of being mad at him after that? You will forgive him and try to talk it out so there won’t be a next time.
1K notes · View notes
scoobysnakz · 5 months
Text
1940’s hubby miguel who is confused when you start complaining about being bored. he offers different things for you to bake him, different colours of jumpers he wouldn’t mind you knitting but you ignore them all. you just mope around the house now. not in the sense that you’re upset, just fed up. he does like how clingy it’s made you, though.
you don’t leave him alone now, arm constantly linked with his as you trace his knuckles with his thumb. he practically has to peel you off when the two of you go to work.
1940’s hubby miguel who suddenly realises what’s wrong when he offers to turn the tv on one evening when the two of you are snuggling on the sofa and you just push him back into his seat.
“nothing good on,” you mumble into his arm as you pull yourself closer to him again.
“haven’t even turned it on yet, doll,” he points out.
“i just know, migs.”
he smiles at that, finding amusement in your aloof attitude. his thick arm scoops you in close to him and nuzzles his head into your hair, breathing in the sweet scent of you.
“it’s got that nasty man all over it,” you whine, clearly annoyed that this prick is everywhere that you look.
1940’s hubby miguel who feels so guilty that his plan backfired. he never once thought that you would suddenly hate the news or even throw away the little badge from the spider-man fan club you so proudly founded.
he just wanted to have some innocent fun with his special girl, give her the best present ever and no it’s all ruined.
1940’s hubby miguel who decides to make it up to you. he goes out as spider-man again, coincidentally bumping into the stubborn mrs ohara.
“fancy seeing you again,” he grins down at you, hands proudly holding the car door open for you.
your nose crinkles in disgust at the site of him, distaste colouring your expression as you push him out of the way. try to anyway.
the absolute unit of a man stays put, feet firmly grounded on the grey pavement.
“what is it?” you huff, not even bothering to look his way.
“want to apologise,” he coos, voice irritatingly sweet, you only like it when miguel uses that voice with you, otherwise it just sounds condescending, “that was no way to treat a lady as wonderful as yourself.”
one of your eyebrows quirks at his bold statement. “i know.”
“can i make it up to you?” he presses on, “take you out to dinner? write your name in webbing from the empire state?”
you scoff at him, clearly unamused by his antics. “i don’t care if you stop the entire planet spinning, the only man i care for is my migs.”
1940’s hubby miguel who wants to smash everything in site. once again, his plan went shit side up and his wife hates spider-man even more.
it’s his fault for being so cocky and acting the way he normally would around her, not the way a distinguished hero should.
how badly he wants to make it right, make you love spider-man again, get all excited when he comes in tv, get to see that adorable scowl when he teases you about having a little crush.
1940’s hubby miguel who realises the only way to fix this is to reveal his biggest secret.
prev< >next
833 notes · View notes
love-toxin · 2 months
Note
just read your latest billy fic and am now obsessed with the idea of billy babytrapping you and/or having a massive, unhinged breeding kink. in his mind you won't ever leave him if he gets you pregnant.
(please bear with my ramblings below)
billy obsessively tracking your cycle and going at it like rabbits when you're ovulating. sex that goes on for HOURS because he wants to get multiple loads inside of you, just to be sure. plugging you up afterward so all his cum stays inside. constantly telling you what a good parent you would be, and how beautiful your children would be because he's pretty, and you're pretty, so it just makes sense, right?
I really think he'd get so delusional about it. burying his face in your arousal and insisting he can tell you're fertile just by the smell/taste. bending down to whisper in your ear only to tell you how full and achey his balls are getting. leaving you little gifts but they're all pregnancy tests or baby clothes. forget whatever stage of a relationship or situationship you guys are in, he's starting a family with you. he'd get such an ecstatic glint in his eye when you finally tell him you're pregnant. don't get me started on the pregnant belly worship.
tl;dr if billy fucks me and I'm not sitting in a puddle of his cum afterwards, I don't want it‼️🗣
PRRRRRR!!!! yes. im into it. now u have to bear with MY ramblings
Tumblr media
(cws: babytrapping, fem pronouns)
Feels like babytrapper Billy is an untapped gold mine--it's less that he wants a baby at first and mostly just that he wants control over you, but that switches up real fast when you actually get knocked up. When you actually wanna be sweet about it. Fussing about cribs and a nursery and having enough baby clothes, making him take you to the ultrasound appointments and actually getting a 'tude with him because he did this to you and now he's gonna have to deal with just as much as you have to carrying his baby.
But Billy ends up loving the shit out of it. He loves your attitude. He loves your mood swings. He loves your hormonal cravings and your tears when you throw up morning after morning. He loves holding your hair back and stuffing your bed full of pillows so you're comfortable, and he loves laying his head on your belly and hearing those little gurgles and feeling those little kicks from his baby.
At the same time, however, it makes him emotional. If this is how he feels before his baby is even here, then why would...how could his father ever treat him the way he does, and did? How could anybody do that to a kid? It makes him angry at himself for the way he was treated and the way he took that out on Max, too. He's got lots of apologies to make. Those experiences don't take up all his attention, though--he has a pretty partner to care for now, and having that to fill his time over bouncing from party to party and girl to girl just to feel something makes him unbelievably satisfied.
It honestly makes him glad that he never knocked anyone up accidentally leading up to when he met you. It had to be you, he knows that now. It had to be you that he coerced, begged, and fucked into submission to make you his, it had to be your womb that he wanted so badly to break and your pussy he wanted to risk going raw into. Wouldn't you just be the cutest with a baby, anyways? You're such a catch and you're so pretty. You'd make such adorable babies. It's obvious he never wanted to be one of those guys with a handful of baby mamas and kids he rarely sees; he wants you and your kids and that's it. It's official--you've hooked Hawkins' resident playboy into a dedicated partner and father, whether you wanted to or not.
If there's one thing he loves most about your pregnancy though, it's that he loves your neediness. He loves that something seems to click in you that makes you pine for the man whose seed you've sown, like there's an invisible connection between you two that pulls you both closer. It's like you're instinctually drawn to him and he hopes, god he hopes that continues after you've had the baby. He's ready to make love to a woman after she's had a child (after you've healed sufficiently, of course, he can wait) it's like that next stage of maturity for him. He can't wait to see how far you've come and how much you've sacrificed just to have his baby, and he can't wait to look you in the eyes and tell you he wants another. No, he doesn't want you to work off the baby weight first or fuss with your hair or your clothes to try and get back to looking like you were before. He wants you now. As you are. Raw. He's sick of those prissy party-girl snobs and their perfect bodies and their permed hair that they can't let get messed up. He wants the woman who stays up all night feeding his daughter and rolls her eyes at his flirting attempts in the morning. He's totally whipped, and even with those bags under your eyes and that tension headache behind his from the crying of his precious baby girl, he still wants another. And he's got ways of making sure that you do, too...after all, he got you into it the first time, right?
372 notes · View notes
stargirl-int3rlud3 · 8 months
Text
𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐈𝐧 𝐏𝐢𝐧𝐤.
straw hat crew x fem! reader
🗯 ! swearing, flirting, slight suggestive language !
synopsis; how i interpret opla characters would react to having a hyper feminine lover. — ♡ ᵎᵎ
Tumblr media
LUFFY; Personally, Luffy doesn't really care too much what you wear. He thinks you look great in whatever you choose to wear. However, he is your biggest supporter and hype man. Constant compliments left and right about how gorgeous you are and how he's so lucky to have you. Luffy would definitely be one to treat you like a princess. I'm talking carries you around in his arms and puts a jacket done on wet puddles. He highly believes in chivalry and is the biggest gentleman.
You had just recently gotten a new, cute, pink skirt and today was the day you planned on wearing it. When you walk out of Luffy's cabin in the new clothing piece his eyes suddenly fall upon you. "Woah!! Is that new?" Luffy approaches you staring at the piece. "It is, you like?" You ask, spinning for Luffy, so that he gets a full view of the skirt. "Like it? I love it!!" He exclaims, lightly placing his hands on your hips to feel the texture of the skirt. Not too long after, Luffy is running left and right carrying you around in his arms. Some low-life, pirate was trying to attack Luffy and now here you were, tightly nestled against his chest as he tried his very hardest not to let a single stain of mud or any other substance onto your pretty little skirt that he now deemed one of his favorites.
ZORO; He LOVES him some hyper feminine girlies (and hyper feminine girlies love him). The constant slaps to your ass prove just how much he loves the way you dress. He loves admiring how great you look and the jealous looks he gets when men walk by you to see that such a pretty girl is situated on his lap. It boosts his confidence which can be both and good and bad thing. I like to think that Zoro is quite the possessive man and doesn't like sharing, which is why he feeds into your pink obsession. He loves watching your doe eyes beg for him to buy you a new cute pink outfit, he always seems to cave in.
You stare at Zoro through your beautiful lashes with a sweet, sincere smile on your face. Zoro caresses your face sweetly, before moving your head to the side to place even sweeter kisses along your neck until his lips brush up against your. "..I suppose you can get it, since you want it so badly"He smirks at you, staring deep into your doll-like eyes. You wrap your arms around Zoro's neck, "Eeeek!! Thank you so much Zoro, you're the bestest boyfriend ever!!" He watches as you race to the cash register with loving eyes. After shopping, Zoro convinced you to let him take you out for a nice dinner. Now that you're here you think part of it was because Zoro wanted to flaunt you off to anyone that would dare look your way. His smirk got wider and wider by the hour as men would make their way towards you just to quickly turn around at the sight of you so nicely sat in Zoro's lap. While you did find it cute that he wanted to flaunt you to the world you also found his overconfidence to be slightly...annoying at times as he would talk about a random guy's face drop rapidly at the sight of Zoro.
NAMI; Similarly to Luffy, she doesn't really care what you wear as long as you're comfy in what you're wearing. That doesn't mean she dislikes the way pink fits you so well. Nami could never really see herself wearing pink, so to see her lover wearing it so beautifully, she's awestruck to say the least. Due to Nami's sarcastic nature, she constantly is making princess jokes to you.
"Hey Princess, you need help getting down" Nami jokes as you're about to step off the ship. You roll your eyes playfully, following along, "Why yes I would, my knight" She smiles at you before laughs bubble from her throat and out of her perfect lips. You reach your hand out towards her, grazing your hand over her lips. She notices quickly, arching one of her eyebrows at the gesture. Retreating your hand back, you turn away from her with a slight pink across your face. Suddenly, you're dipped and met with a smirking Nami who delicately places her lips upon yours. Your palms meet her face as you pull her even closer than before. " Hey lovebirds, let's get our asses moving!" Zoro scolds you two with a slight look of disgust which leaves you and Nami giggling. "Sorry, Zoro, my princess needed her knight" She jokes nudging you softly.
SANJI; This man loves any woman who will give him the light of day. So the fact that you, a pretty hyper feminine girl, chose HIM. Oh, he fantasizes and daydreams about you like a schoolgirl with a crush. When you show off a new outfit to him, he is all ears and eyes and will tell you how every piece fits together so well to create a masterpiece fit so perfectly for you. I can see Sanji adding natural pink food coloring to your foods just to watch your face light up at the sight of it. Seeing you in cute pink crop tops and skirts as well as many other categories of clothing, makes Sanji want to get on his knees for you (not in that way- okay, maybe a little bit in that way). He is such a simp at heart and will do anything for you.
"Sanji? How is this outfit for lunch?" You ask posing for the blonde man who admired you greatly. "Anything you wear is utmost stunning as it is already being worn by a masterpiece" He explains his reasoning to you with a cute smile that you adore. You skip your way over to Sanji as he leads you to the dining area by your hand that is intertwined with his. He sweetly pushes you into your chair once you've sat down. Sanji sits close to you watching for your reaction as you take of the silver covering over your food. When the food is finally on display your eyes sparkle and you emit a sound of joy as you turn to see a lovesick Sanji. You grab his face placing lipgloss stained kisses all over his face and it's like he's in heaven with how lovesick he is. "You gotta bit of something like...all over your face" Nami points out to Sanji as he takes a quick peek in a mirror, only to fall to the floor with his eyes filled with hearts.
USOPP; We already know based off of the whole Kaya thing that this man is a nervous wreck when it comes to women which is surprising because I feel as though he has a quite a list of girls that would date him. Anyways! He, much like Luffy, is your biggest supporter with his constant stuttery compliments. He worships the very ground you walk on (literally), but he's just a bit nervous at times is all. He is also a big simp, but tries to hide it by being "calm and cool".
"Please Nami!!" You beg for the girl to let you decorate her hair. "For the last time, no" Nami told you sternly, leaving you pouting. You just wanted someone to do girly things with sometimes,but Nami never wanted to do the things you wanted to. What you didn't know was that Usopp was currently watch your sad, distressed face as you walk away from Nami. He hurries towards you stopping in front of you with a big grin on his features. You're somewhat startled by your lovers suddenly appearance, "Oh? Hi, Usopp!!" "What are you so sad for?" He asks, examining your face. "Oh...I wanted to do Nami's hair all pretty, but she seems to be annoyed with my asks" You inform the boy of the situation. "You could do mine, if you'd like" Usopp suggests. Your eyes shine brighter than a thousand suns as you jump into Usopp's arms, leaving a red hue on his face. "You would do that for me, Uso?" "Y-yeah, I don't see why not" He rubs his hand on the back of his neck, not being able to look you in the eyes. You kiss his cheek and drag him to your cabin.
☆ | this was SOOOOOO fun to write, i feel like i captured them pretty well :D
939 notes · View notes
mangocustard16 · 7 months
Text
Seventeen’s reaction to you not recognising them when drunk ♡
| genre:fluff
| warnings: mentions of drinking, pet names, cursing, lmk if i missed something
| w.c: 0.7k
| a/n: please reblog if you enjoyed, feedback is always appreciated✿
performance unit version | hip-hop unit ver.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Hoshi:
Seventeen had just clinched a prestigious Daesang award, and you were out celebrating the hard-earned victory with the group.
the night begins with celebratory drinks, as Hoshi's friends convince you to join in the festivities.
and that's it you guys were out, partying hard celebrating your boyfriend's success
although Hoshi had been there too to make sure you didn't go overboard 
what caught him off guard was your unexpected assertion of not recognizing him
"Get your hands off of me you pervert!"
he was shocked, to say the least
but gotta admit, he felt kinda proud seeing you stand your ground and not let some random guy touch you, even if that guy happened to be him.
You turned to Seungkwan, seeking validation and asking him to confirm that this person is not someone you know.
to which Seungkwan awkwardly laughs, caught in the middle of the situation
"Babe, I'm your cute boyfriend"
"Then tell me something only my boyfriend knows?" you question him
He raises his eyebrows and motions you to come closer 
"one time you tried to challenge me to a dance battle, but it turned into a clumsy stumble, and you ended up on the flo-"
you put your hands on his mouth to stop him from revealing that embarrassing story
"Okay, okay! you're definitely my boyfriend"
Jun:
Despite being your boyfriend, Jun finds you unable to recognize him while heavily intoxicated.
the boy is pouting and is offended af
"Come on, shake it off," he said trying to grab your arm to get you out of the club
what caught him off guard was you landing a punch square in his stomach
Jun visibly grimaces, feeling the impact of the punch to his rib
"I know how to box sir, so you better keep your distance," you said walking away
At this point, Jun has no choice but to wait for you to head home by yourself, all he can do is follow you home making sure you get there safely
he woke up the next morning with a huge bruise on his side and for the love of god you couldn't remember a thing 
"Where did you get that bruise from baby?" you asked innocently
The8: 
he tried to play like he was actually hurt by you not recognizing him, but, man, he thought it was so darn cute
he would listen to you ramble about everything in your life, from how your new cat was constantly attacking others to how much your boyfriend loved you
"You know, my boyfriend wanted to name the new cat Pumpkin, but he looks so much like an Oreo, we almost fought but in the end, we named it Oreo"
"Your boyfriend treats you so badly, why would he fight with such a sweet girl like you" Minghao played along
"NOOOO! my boyfriend is the sweetest person in the whole world, don't you dare talk shit about the love of my life," you warned your new friend showing shoving your lock screen of you and Minghao together in his face
He'd chuckle and mumble something along the lines of, "How am I not supposed to love you"
Dino:
Dino got a little pouty when he realized you couldn't recognize him
all he wanted was your affection, but you wouldn't let him touch you, leaving him slightly disappointed
"Babe come on let's go"
"No I don't know you please stop following me, mister" you yelled
poor guy 
he's chasing after you trying to convince you that he's not a threat, in fact he's your boyfriend
"I'm your loving BOYFRIEND babe, do you not recognize me?"
"Why won't I recognize my own boyfriend you creep? Stop following me around." you'd say, slapping his hands away
You took out your phone and called your boyfriend trying to explain that a creepy man was following you around
Dino handed you his ringing phone, showing it to you to convince you that he was indeed your boyfriend.
"Babyyyyy!!! you should've come sooner" you exclaimed, throwing yourself on him, wrapping your arms around him
"I'll always be here for you love," he said shaking his head before planting a soft kiss to your forehead.
Tumblr media
@kflixnet @k-labels
582 notes · View notes
netherfeildren · 8 months
Text
Tumblr media
Pink : Part III : Two
Series Masterlist : Part I : Part II
Pairing: Joel Miller x F!Reader
Content Warnings: Heavy angst; DD/lg dynamics; Dom/sub undertones; Daddy Kink; Jealousy; Unprotected Sex; Creampie; Inappropriate shaving; Squirting; Belly bulge; Dirty talk; Orgasm delay/denial; Overstimulation; Face slapping; Spanking; Light degradation; Rough sex; Breeding kink; Divorce; Not safe to read if triggered by pregnancy; Use of misogynistic language; Discussions of mental and emotional abuse; Cliffhanger
A/N: All tags have been updated.
Word Count: 12.7K
Rating: Explicit 18+
Read on AO3
Ko-fi
3. Two
“You know that feeling of… of realizing you’re a good person? It’s like– yes, I know objectively that I probably am. That I try to be kind, I try to do things that are good and right, but you know those strangely self perceptive moments where another person makes you – forces you – to realize you’re good? And it brings your whole life, your whole self into clarity, and it’s like – I am good, and I deserve good things. I am good.
But he treated me so badly, for so long. He took away pieces of me, he took away that awareness of goodness. And how could I not believe him, when he constantly told me and showed me that I deserved so little, when it was what I accepted for myself? Constantly waiting for him to turn into a man he never was, never had been and never would be. I accepted those things for myself, I let them happen. Maybe I was weak or stupid or naive or all of them combined. Maybe I was just a girl. But I thought it was hope at the time. I thought I was being hopeful and good, and now I realize that was no true form of goodness. It was only the version of good he needed me to be, a subservient and silent type of goodness.”
“And you know, I had a neighbor who– her husband died last year at Christmas, and it was so sad. They were older, always together, it was… it has nothing to do with this, but I don’t know. It was like when a tragedy is soft and quiet, and it just folds into the rest of life unheeded. Such a strange thing for someone on the outside looking in. I lived next door to them, and I’d see them all the time living their lives together, and I barely knew them, but suddenly he was gone, and I was conscious of the fact that she was over there alone all the time now. Without him. When before he’d always been there. I don’t know what I'm trying to say. It’s just that it didn't happen to me, it affected me in no way, and yet, I felt her loss keenly. Afterwards, I helped her with her cat, an old skinny thing, Jazz. She started going out of town a lot after her husband died, getting out and away, you know, that sort of thing. And I’d cat sit for her, and he was so sweet. But he was old too, and a few months later, he died also. And I remember the week he was going to pass she’d texted me and said he’d go soon, and I told her I was praying for him, thinking of the both of them. I don’t even pray, but I needed to tell her I was with her in some way. And it was nothing, a few nights going over there to feed the old boy, a few text messages. It was the absolute bare minimum I could do, but a few weeks after the cat died, she wrote me the loveliest note. She told me that she appreciated me, that she thought of how kind I’d been during those days, when I’d told her I was thinking of them. She told me that I was a good person, and that she hoped my kindness was returned to me many times over. 
And I’d forgotten, you see, I'd forgotten that I was good. That I had a capacity for goodness within me, and that I deserved to be reminded of it, like all soft creatures are. We all need reassurance and a kind word sometimes, and I’d forgotten that about myself.” You glance up at his eyes, the most tender look held in them. “Do you know what I mean, Joel?” You ask, voice very small, shy and afraid, for one moment, that he won’t understand you. 
But he pets your hair, cradles your cheek, “Yeah, honey. I think I do know.”
It’s a terrifying ordeal, the way the two of you fold into each other in the weeks after that first night. And yet, unstoppable. You do try, and you’re sure he does, as well. The first few days, trying to stay away, not answering his calls, no texts because he says his fingers are too big, and he can’t work those tiny fuckin’ buttons, forcing yourself not to run back over there into his arms and his bed. But then he’s calling and calling and calling, begging, making it his turn to show up at your doorstep in the middle of the night, saying all the right things like, I haven’t been sleeping, and I need to see you, and I’m suffering, I’m suffering without you, touching you in all the right ways that should be wrong but aren’t. All baby, I hurt when I’m not inside this sweet pussy. He says you make him weak, and you tell him that the only weak thing here is you, and you don’t make it much of a struggle for him when you let him in your home, in your cunt, when all you can say is I miss you, I miss you, your cock, your hands, I can’t stop thinking about you. The two of you are one and the same in all the ways it counts. And he’s not your father-in-law anymore, a chameleon now in the form of the only man who’s ever understood you, wanted you, seen you as more, as a complexity. 
He makes you wonder how you could have ever thought of yourself as anything like sexless when all he makes you is hungry and desperate and wet. Fucking everywhere you can, as often as you can, never being very careful, pulling out and counting your cycle and starting out with a condom but ripping it off halfway through because I just have to feel you – irresponsible bullshit. Not having your head screwed on tightly enough to even really care. He has you on his living room floor one afternoon, whole day gone away on his cock, and the two of you lay there for hours afterwards, bare limbs wrapped around each other, soft, wet cock tucked safely inside of you where he says it belongs. “How could you have not been angry?” You ask him because you can’t help yourself. Because you want him to teach you to be wise now that he’s shown you how to be good. “That he was kept from you? That you missed an entire lifetime of being a father? I never once saw you furious or resentful. How did you do it?”
“Don’t know,” he sighs. “Dunno… I– It was, kind of, the worst thing anyone’s ever done to me, truth be told, but I didn’t have a chance to compute, to sit in any sort of anger. He was right there all of a sudden, too full of anger to leave any left over for me, and he needed me so much. He needs me so much.” And you know he’s right, and there should be guilt now, gnawing at you, but there is really only jealousy. “And he– he…” A swallow, like you can read his mind, you know what he’ll say, already nodding. “And he hates me,” he whispers into the quiet of this lovely home he’s made for himself, his words mixing with the butter yellow ray of sunshine the two of you are lying in, slanting in through the big bay window. “He hates me, hates who I am. That it’s me he found when he came lookin’.” You have to cry for him then, maybe even for the both of them, maybe even for all three of you. 
“Yes,” you choke, so full of sadness for the tragedy of it all. You can’t comfort him with a denial for you’re not a liar here with him. Protection like that isn’t necessary. 
“Don’t cry, sweetheart.” He hugs you so tightly, “There’s no reason to cry.”
“I can’t help it,” And return the words he’d given you once when you’d so badly needed a kindness, “You deserve more.”
He’s quiet for a long time after that, and you know him well enough now that you can hear the gears of his mind working and turning, and that makes you even sadder, perhaps, the greatest tragedy of all, this knowing, and eventually he says: “And yet, he is the son I have.” And at the end of it all, you think you are all only yourselves, and nothing can really be done about that. 
And you say you want to be wise like him, that it’s your next lesson, so perhaps you should hold your tongue instead of saying: “He only just got you back, and I’m taking you away from him again. Because that’s what I want – I want to take you away and keep you only for myself. I want you to be only mine and that makes me bad. I’m bad.” Your first lesson quashed beneath the fist of your greed for a man who isn’t for you, and who you shouldn’t want, and it’s wrong and maybe even sinful or disgusting or any and all the things that are always bad. None of that matters. He’s turned you into a real person now, none of the rest of it matters. 
But he understands, because of course he does, because he always has. He grips your jaw in his hands, large, strong hands, hands made for taking care of things, and tells you, not so wise seeming anymore: “Sometimes I look at myself, and it’s like I'm two feet tall. Why didn’t I meet you sooner? First? How could I have been such a coward to not go out there and search for you? I should have known you were out there, I should have sensed it. How can a man be jealous of his own son?” He turns you over then, cock hard and thrusting again, kisses you full on the mouth, and it tastes like ownership, and says, “You could never be bad. No matter what you did. You’re only ever good. Haven’t I taught you that?” 
-
“Joel, there’s someone at the door,” peeking into the restroom where he’s just stepped out of the shower, wet and steaming, shaking his head out like a dog, towel covering all the fun bits. He’d just had you too many times already, and still, you want more. You’re made of nothing but greed now; he’s taught you how to be good, but he’s also taught you how to be greedy. You’d been strewn across his couch, eating chips and wearing his clothes and leaking his come and waiting for him to finish in the shower and come out to make dinner. He was doing steaks on the grill and baked potatoes with all the fixings and roasted vegetables, and he’d even gotten a pie and ice cream, but he said he wasn’t telling you what the flavor was, only that it was your favorite, and you can’t think how he’d know you love rhubarb, but if that’s what he’s gotten, you were going to let him do anything to you. Literally anything he wanted. Not that you didn’t already… but still, it’s the sentiment that counts, you think. He’d also said you weren’t allowed to shower, that the rule tonight was that you weren’t allowed to wash him off, and you really didn’t mind that so much. So there you were, after he’d put on Stepmom for you, and you were just thinking that Julia Roberts was surely the most beautiful woman who’d ever been born, when someone had knocked on the door, a rhythmic, friendly: tap, tap, tap, that had your heart dropping down into your stomach, and you scurrying into the master bath to frantically tell him that someone is here while you’re here wearing him all over and inside of you and what are you going to do now? He gives you a calm smile, running the towel over his wet head, giving you an eyeful of the fun bits now, and you try and not peek, you really do, but it’s really just the most exciting part on him, you can’t help yourself. His smile turns knowing, that look in his eye, “S’alright, sweetheart. Don’t fret, I’ll get it.”
“But–” you try and protest, maybe he should just pretend not to be home. What if it’s– you can’t even think of it. But then no, he’d not come here. He hates coming to this house, the proof of everything he wasn’t all in his face like this was humiliating for your ex-husband. 
His smile remains, but his eyes go a little stern, “No worryin’, I’ll take care of it.” He tugs on his jeans, the man literally never wears underwear, slut, and tugs on a shirt, pressing a kiss to your forehead as he passes you, hand dragging over your belly, smelling of soap and Joel and want, want, want. You follow him on tip toes down the hall, pausing at the mouth of the living room, chewing on your lip and your fingers, about to spit your heart out with nerves as he pulls the door open. 
“Hi, Joel, honey. How’s it goin’?” Pretty, bubbly, overly friendly voice you were definitely not expecting. You take a small step forward, the mouth of the hall slightly to the left of the front door so that you can see her without her seeing you, watch his profile as he talks to her. Edie, he says, and that dishwasher givin’ you trouble again, and laughs at her reply, the sound of their conversation going out of your ears as you watch him, head falling sideways on your neck a little bit, the way he laughs at whatever the woman that’s come knocking on the door of his home all friendly and comfortable to interrupt his time with you is saying, loud, bellyfull, one arm braced against the doorframe so that you can see her eyes flit every few seconds to the thick bulge of muscle there. Your face goes hot, your insides green and bitter, but he’s laughing just handsomely enough that you know it’s not real. You know his real laugh, and it isn’t this one. The woman leans forward, blonde hair and big boobs and batting lashes, but Joel shifts backwards subtly, keeping a respectful distance, and your pulse throbs at the backs of your knees and the pit of your stomach. She likes him, she’s here because she likes him, asking him to look at her dishwasher or something, yeah, sure, sure that’s the only thing she wants looked at. 
“I’ll come take a look at it tomorrow. How ‘bout that? I’m sure it’ll be another quick fix like last time, but you should probably think about just replacin’ the thing at this point,'' he tells her. 
“Oh, can’t you now, Joel?” She pouts, “It’s just that–”
“I’m tied up tonight, Edie,” he cuts her off, an indulgent, too charming smile on his face, and oh, it pisses you off, that smile. You turn on your heel, stomping down the hall back to his bedroom. Huffing, gnashing your teeth. The sight of him with another woman, a more appropriate woman because of course she is, it makes you sick, angry, something terrible, so, so jealous your bones itch beneath the surface of your skin. It makes you small and slanted again, wrong place, wrong time, wrong girl. Not for him, never for him, and it’s so unfair, and he is so– so… Smiling at her like that, using that tone of voice, propping up his stupid huge arm like that so that his muscle’s all defined and put on display, and you hate him and the way he makes you feel and how much you want and need him. On the verge of tears or screaming or vomiting you scramble around his room, trying to collect your clothes and your strewn panties and where the fuck is your bra and your other shoe? 
“What’re you doin’?” Comes his soft, steady voice a moment later. Entirely too even for the way you feel right now. You want to hiss at him or bite him or do something entirely uncivilized. 
“I have to go home.”
“Why?”
“I have something to do. I forgot.”
“Something, what? What do you have to do?” But you ignore him, rifling through the strewn clothes on the armchair in the corner – where the hell is your goddamn bra? “Look at me–” he barks, now having stepped further into the bedroom. 
“Oh, fuck off,” and there’s a part of you that knows that you’re being irrational, that he’s done nothing wrong, but you feel so provoked suddenly. In need of a fight or a thrashing or something, something to make this terrible feeling poisoning you on the inside go away. 
“Watch your mouth, little girl,” and his voice is so calm and so quiet and so scary. It makes you lock up one second, spin around the next to spit and hiss at him like an angry cat. You will not watch your mouth. “She wants you.” You almost stomp your foot like a child throwing a fit, but he’s entirely still and silent, taking you in with the most unfathomable of looks. “Do you know that?” And this time you do stomp your foot. “Do you want her back?”
He blinks once, and then like a lightbulb turning on, even though you’re obvious as daylight, “You’re jealous.”
“Do you want her back?” You ask again, real tears in your voice this time. 
And his gaze goes soft and tender and entirely understanding, “Never.” He shakes his head. 
“She looked like a fucking idiot.” You pout, childish – how will he ever want you when you act like this?
“I only want you.” But you don’t believe him. How could you? When there’s nowhere for this to go. When he deserves so much more than the options afforded to him here between the two of you. And you want to fight with him because there’s nothing to be done, no choices, no other recourse, and it’s not his fault and there’s no one to blame and no outlet for this terrible anger inside of you. You feel like you’re choking on it, being swallowed whole, that head breaking water feeling reversed so that now you’re deep at the bottom of the well of your own wanting. You turn back to the fruitless search for your bra. He’s hidden it from you, you’re sure, some evil old man ploy to keep you here trapped and braless with him. “Did you hear me? I only want you,” he says again, voice closer now.
And you think you’re mumbling or crying, something hysterical bubbling up inside of you, I have to go, I have to go, your movements manic and jerking. He grips your arm, jerking you around into his chest, face flushed with anger now, but voice still even, “You’re not fucking listening to me. I only want you,” and yanks your hand to feel the hard cock trapped beneath the confines of his jeans. This is only for you. But it’s not, not in any real way, not in a way that would let you keep him and that realization sets something off inside of you. You thrash in his hold, let me go, let me go, trying to kick him in the shins while he tries to wrap his arms around your struggling form, that rumbling chant constant in your ear, I only want you, I only want you, I am only for you. It feels like he’s burrowing beneath your skin, unzipping you, splaying your insides wide open for his gaze, taking hold of your bones, a puppet on his string. You manage to yank your arm out from beneath his grip and unthinking, a buzzing so high pitched it makes you dizzy and nauseous sounding in your ears, you slap him in the face. Not very hard, maybe, but enough that you hear the crack of your palm meeting the grizzled scruff of his cheek. The sound like a bone snapping, setting off something inside both of you even worse, more frenzied than before. He groans deep in his chest, big hand fisting in your hair and jerking it back so hard you yelp in pain. “Hit me again, do it again. I want you any way I can have you, even angry. Do it again,” he goads you on, but that mindless hand is fisted in his shirtfront now, pulling you closer to him, tear stained mouth seeking his, opening to receive his filthy kiss. 
“I’m sorry,” you cry, but all he says is that he only wants you, again and again, grips you harder, makes it hurt more, and you whine and whimper and scratch and bite, a wild thing, the two of you caught up in some strange struggle of push and pull and want and fight. You can feel the hard length of his cock grinding against your belly, searching for something hot and wet to fuck into, and you hitch your knee around his hip, open yourself to him, listen to his groan in your ear, throaty and full. 
“You just need a little remindin’? Don’t you, huh?” He tugs your head back, none too gentle, to look at your tear slicked face, his eyes on fire, almost a little manic. He spins you away from him, shoving you towards the bed, ignoring your whines and protests, shut up and bend over, pushing you over the edge of the bed and crouching down behind you. “You just need a little remindin’ of how to be a good girl. I know that’s all this fightin’ is. Right, baby?” No, you try and struggle, kicking your leg out uselessly to the side, but he pins you with your arms back behind you at the small of your waist, pushing his shirt up your back to expose the naked curve of your ass and the pussy you know he’ll find humiliatingly wet and hungry for him. “Just need remindin’ of how to be a good girl for me, right?” His fingers slide down to the apex of your thighs, finding you dripping and swollen from his earlier use and your current desire, all twisted up and compounded ten fold with your jealousy. 
“So wet already for me, baby,” he coos at you. 
And oh, he’s so annoying, and you’re so embarrassing and weak for him. “Shut up, old man,” you whine. A single finger enters you slowly, rubbing up against all the terribly sensitive and swollen places inside of you, then pulls his wet fingers from you to deliver a single stinging swat to the curve of your ass, sticky wet imprint of yourself left behind. 
“Yeah, and this old man fucks you better than anyone else,” he slips his fingers gently back inside of you, “Remember that you little whore,” he says even more gently. The words make you twist and writhe, a terrible flush of lust burning through you. He feels you tighten around his fingers, groans appreciatively. “Oh, you like that, don’t you?” He twists his fingers inside of you, pressing hard against something that makes you feel like you’re about to wet yourself. You cry out, squeezing your eyes shut and shaking your head, refusing to answer. “No lyin’. You daddy’s little whore?”
“Nuh uh,” you shake your head, your hips moving with the rhythm of his thrusting fingers. He brushes his thumb slowly over your pulsing clit, plays you like a game. 
“No?” His voice is so soft, so teasing. 
“I’m not your whore–”
“You’re not? Then what are you, baby? Tell me.”
You’re right there, so close, about to come on his fingers. “I'm your baby. I'm your baby. I’m yours– I belong to you, daddy.” He pulls his fingers from your cunt, hand coming to grip your ass cheek so hard it hurts, fingernails digging into your soft skin, dragging down the smooth surface. You can hear him panting behind you, shaking, trying to control himself. He makes a gruff, rough sound in his throat, gentles his grip on you. 
“You don’t think I don’t get fucking jealous?” he spits when he’s finally managed to control himself. “You think I don't think about you with my own son and want to die? That he got to have you in a way I never will, and even worse, wasted you? You don’t think it makes me sick with envy?” He brings his fingers back to play in your wet folds, feels the slick drip of you, thrums at your clit, opening you to him with a hand on your cheek and licking you from clit to asshole. Running the flat expanse of his tongue over the length of your sex and then sucking hard at the apex of nerves, hard enough that you can’t tell if it hurts or feels good or a little bit of both. He’s got you bent over the end of his bed facing the dresser so that you have a clear view of the two of you in the mirror above it. And the sight of him, massive frame crouched down behind you, huge and hulking, face buried in your cunt from behind, the curved slope of his nose, the long, thick lashes, eyes closed like he’s enjoying himself more than he’s ever enjoyed anything else in his entire life as he licks your ass and sucks on your clit. He pulls back, and you watch, almost in slow motion, as he shocks you by swatting your entire sex with his big hand, and then immediately brings his face back to lick and kiss your smarting skin. “But he didn’t fuck you the way you needed to be fucked,” he continues. “And I do. He didn’t understand you, but I do. At least I have that.” It sounds like he’s consoling himself, and you can’t help but find consolation in it as well. Your eyes move up to your own reflection, sweat slicked and tear stained, eyes glassy, wet fingers inside of your mouth because you need something to chew on to stand the terrible throbbing in your cunt on the verge of coming. He licks you again, presses his tongue to your asshole. “Did you ever get wet for him like this?” He pulls back, runs the pads of his fingers over your clit in fast, hard up and down motions, makes it feel so good it hurts, you’re right there, you’re right there, pulls away. “Were you ever desperate for him like this? Cunt all drippy and swollen and pathetic for him like you are for me, my sweet baby?”
Never, daddy. Never. Only you. You can’t lie to him when he’s got his tongue inside of you, it’s just not possible. Only me. Only mine. You press up on your tippy toes, roll back down onto the balls of your feet, “Yeah, rub that sweet pussy all over daddy’s face,” he mumbles into your skin, slurps at you. He wraps his lips around your clit once more, sucks and licks and sucks again, and your cunt goes so, so tight, I’m gonna come, I’m gonna come, daddy, and then just stops. Pulls away entirely, gets to his feet, leaves you to throb and shiver and beg, whole body flashing hot and cold on the precipice of orgasm. Still holding you pinned in place with your wrists at the small of your back, you watch his eyes roam along your draped form, he drags his hand down the wet length of his face, wiping the drippiness of your slick away. “Stay just like that for me,” and his eyes move to yours in the mirror, as if he’s known the entire time just how riveted on him you’d been. “What?” He asks with a crooked brow and a mean little smirk. “You think you get to come? After that little display?”
“Don’t be mean,” you whisper, staying exactly as he’d directed. Trying your best to be a good girl. 
“Shoulda thought of that before, sweet girl.” He bends over the length of you so you’re eye to eye now, gets his face right up close to yours and presses a kiss to the tip of your nose. “You wanna pretend to fight, stand there like an indignant little girl stomping your foot and yellin’ about bein’ jealous while my come runs down your thighs still. Obviously, I’m not doin’ a good enough job of remindin’ you you’re mine, how much I want you. Gonna fix that now.” Presses another soft kiss to your mouth now. 
“You’re trying to dominate me,” you whine, struggling to press against his mouth again even as he pulls back out of your reach, plants a big palm between your shoulders to keep you still. 
“You bet your fuckin’ ass I am. You’re gonna do what I tell you to when you’re letting me fill you with my come the way you are. And you’re gonna like it too. You get me?”
“Yes, daddy.”
But then he goes serious, that teasing glint in his eyes flickering away suddenly. “You have nothing to be jealous of. Ever. I don’t want anyone but you. I don’t care about anything else but this.” And even though you’re sure it must be a lie, it sounds so lovely, you choose to believe him for now. You nod up at him, sniffling and crying again a little bit. “And no one takes care of you like I do,” he finally says, as if it’s a reminder, a consolation to the both of you once again. 
And he’s right, as he tells you to stay put, be a good girl and not move, leaves you there bent over the bed, that chant sounds in your mind, no one takes care of you like he does, no one, no one, no one. 
-
He steps back into his bedroom to the sight of you still draped over the bed, big eyes wet and slightly vacant, pussy red and swollen and bared to him like a wound with his name on it. You’d brought your fingers up to your mouth, chewing on your fingernails the way you did sometimes when you were anxious or overwhelmed, and when your eyes flit to him, taking in the bowl of warm water, the washcloth and shaving cream in his hold, they go wide, shocked. He arranges his things, gripping you by the hips to turn you over, pulling his shirt from you, leaving you entirely naked, and settling between your spread thighs. “Wh– what are you doing?” Voice all breathy and hitched, the thrum of your excited pulse in your throat. 
“Gonna shave you bare. Then I’m gonna eat you ‘til you’re crying, ‘til you’re so swollen you can barely take my fingers. After that, I’m gonna wedge my cock inside you and fuck you ‘til you’re so full’a my come you’ll remember not to forget you ain’t got no reason to be jealous ever again.” He strokes your curls gently with the pad of his thumb, something like fondness in the gesture, clicks his tongue. “These’re so pretty. Gonna miss ‘em.”
“Oh my god,” you choke when he drapes the water warmed washcloth over your spread pussy.
“You wanna be a brat, you wanna fight and act like you don’t know I belong to you and you to me? That none of that other shit matters– I’m gonna remind you, don’t worry.”
You crane your neck, pushing up on your elbows to watch him remove the washcloth and cover the soft curls of your groin with shaving cream. When he opens the blade and brings it to your skin, the sight of the straight edged blade against you, the smooth cream as the steel reveals the bare, satin soft skin beneath, has your chest heaving, sweat pooling at the little notch of your throat –  fucking gorgeous and his.
“You’re going to be so sensitive, baby,” he murmurs as he bends your leg back and opened wide, splitting you for his gaze. Delicate with the movements of his wrist as he shaves you. “All bare and slick down here, just for me. You’re so swollen already.”
You mumble something, moaning and letting yourself flop back against the mattress, he’s quick to pull the blade from you, pausing his movements while you settle, gives you a second to press the balls of your palms into the sockets of your eyes, whining Joel and daddy and please. And the trust in this moment between the two of you, that you’re letting him wield a blade so close to your fragile center, letting him do this to you as a way to remind the both of you of the power you cede and wield over and to one another, something that gives him the opportunity to inflict his will in a way that recenters you, reminds you that you’re his, his to do with you as he will, and it’s just the two of you in this space and you trust each other implicitly, it has a sense of control swelling inside of Joel, making his cock rock hard in his jeans, leak down his thigh. Control in a way there is none of in everything else between the two of you. Control in a way there cannot exist in any other aspect of your relationship. When he’s finished, he cleans you slowly with a new warm, damp cloth, then goes to put away his supplies, and when he returns, he looms over you, taking in the sight of your little bald cunt now. 
Slowly, he starts to pull his clothes off, watching the quick panting of your breathing, the dip and swell of your belly, so aroused by the intimacy you’ve just shared that your pupils are blown wide and dark. “You’ve made such a mess, little girl,” he says, dragging a single finger through your overflowing slit, following the slick from your swollen clit to your asshole where it pools beneath. He fingers your folds gently, avoiding your swollen clit, your little hole winking at him wantonly. “Please–” you whisper so softly, almost gasping for breath you can barely get the words out. 
“Oh, I know, sweetheart. I know you need to come so bad, don’t you?” He drags his palms up and down your thighs, up to your waist and then tugs you down over the edge of the bed and onto your knees in front of him, wide eyes riveted hungry on his cock. “How does it feel? So sensitive, isn’t it?” He’s so hard his erection stands straight up towards his belly, balls hanging heavy and full and aching. He gently drags his fingers along your scalp, feels the heat emanating from your skull. “Lick it all over, get it nice and wet so I can put it inside you.” He knows he needs to be careful now. The two of you are wide open to each other in this moment, so on edge he could come just at the look in your eyes, and you, something more than just vulnerable. He’d worried briefly, in the past weeks, if he should stop, send you away, take himself away, tell you it was too much. You were getting too attached, and although he knew it was too late for himself, that he was beyond salvaging when it came to you, he could imagine nothing worse than seeing you come out hurt from this. Could also imagine no scenario in which you wouldn’t anymore. He feeds you his cock, fisted tightly at the root to stave off his impending orgasm, slides all the way to the back of your throat until he feels his tip hit resistance, enjoying the sight of you choking on it for just a second. Good girl. “Fuck– fuck, yes. See, see how good you can be for me?” He tells you as you suck on his tip, hollowing your cheeks and running your tongue all around the wide head, tonguing his foreskin, making him hiss and bear his teeth at you while you look up at him with falsely innocent eyes. He yanks you up and against him, gives you a filthy, wet kiss, all tongue and teeth and false control, swallowing down the taste of his own precum. He’s never felt less in control of himself, of a situation, than he does right now. He has, in these past weeks, entirely lost sight of himself, of what this should and should not have been, blindly led by his cock and his heart. He’s lost all control, and Joel is nothing but weakness and want now. 
Turning you in his arms, he sits at the edge of the bed, thighs spread wide and pulls you onto his lap, impaling you back onto his spit-slick cock so swiftly he doesn't even think you’re expecting it until he’s bumping against your womb, your knees hooked and spread wide over his own. Too desperate to lick your cunt again the way he’d planned. You let out a long, shocked keen, back arching, trying to escape the too big cock suddenly shoved inside of your tiny hole. Joel has to grit his teeth, take deep breaths through his nose and out through his mouth before he can speak at the feel of you fluttering and pulsing around him, “The more you whine, the harder I’ll fuck you, got it?” There’s nothing even close to a coherent response coming out of your mouth, and he was right, shaved bare like this, you’re so much more sensitive. He pulls the lips of your sex gently apart around where he’s impaling you, takes in the sight of your little hole stretched obscenely around his fat cock in the mirror’s reflection and slowly starts to seesaw his hips back and forth, watching his glossy length disappear in and out of you. “How does it feel, baby? You’re so pretty, look at yourself.” He whispers into the small shell of your ear, presses a soft kiss to the lobe, tugs on it with his teeth. He slides in all the way, pulling your hips down so that his balls press against the curve of your ass. “Look, see where daddy’s so deep inside you – can see it in your belly.” Your head lolls back on his shoulder, gaze hooded and delirious, but your hand moves down to the soft skin of your stomach, gently cupping the outline of his cock inside of you. “I’m so deep inside of your tiny cunt, baby. Look at how you’re all mine–” He starts to move again, flicking at your clit, interchanging between fast and hard and slow and so soft you can barely feel it, and your face looks like you want to say something, tell him something, scream, but can’t. And there’s so much he’d like to tell you too, all the things you deserve and probably need to hear from him, but can’t either. He feels you start to tighten up on him, the heat in your body suddenly seeming to flush higher and brighter, almost to boiling, your cunt going so, so tight it almost pushes him out. He presses inside harder, holds you in place with one hand, and thrums fast and hard at your clit with the other, focusing the tip of his cock at the front wall of your pussy, “You’re gonna come–” he grunts, holds you in place and hammers into that swollen place inside of you he’d kill to own for the rest of his life. “Fuck– fuck, you’re gonna squirt all over my cock, aren’t you? Can feel it–” Your face spasms, your belly clenching hard and tight, and you gush, letting out a pained, animal sound, voice broken and breathless, wetting both of your thighs with your come, the bed covers beneath soaked dark. Joel doesn’t stop. He wants more, again, all of you, thrums again at your clit with the pads of his fingers, changes the angle of your hips to roll you fast and hard onto his come-slicked length, pinches your clit hard, watches you squirt all over him again. Something like the sound of his name leaves your mouth in a broken cry, your chewed raw nails trying to claw at him ineffectively. “Dirty fucking girl – creamin’ all over your daddy’s cock,” his voice is gruff, not entirely his own. There’s something here – you’d told him once you’d always felt out of control. In your relationship with Sam, aware of what he was, always, of what you were and were not, and that there was something about control that was so necessary to you now. And there is something here like control, your control over him, taking hold of him entirely so he’s unsure of what it is he should and should not be, here and now, with you. He should not be delusional, he should be aware. He is not adhering to either very well. 
He goes to his feet with you still impaled on his throbbing length, erection so hard it hurts, can barely stand up straight, blood pounding on rhythm to the chant of your name. He pulls you from him, watches the slick slide of your cunt walls dragging along his length, the cream of your slick left as a reminder all over his skin. He presses you onto the bed, rolls you this way and that too look at you all over, bends to drag his tongue through that drippy cunt of yours that squirts and comes so prettily for him, then back up and kneeling above you, between your glossy thighs, and thrusting into that tight cunt, grunting as you clench around him. So hard he feels the screaming tip of his cock punch against your cervix, listens to you make a hurt, hiccupy sound when his balls slap against you.
He should be gentle. He should be careful. He should be aware, not delusional, himself. He should reach back and take hold of that man he always thought himself to be, hard and cold but never cruel. Maybe not good, but always aware and never weak. He’s none of those things now here with you. Joel is now only himself. You’ve made me into a real person, you’d whispered onto his tongue. What he’d not told you was that you’d done the same to him. 
You’re a gift, a gift, a gift, a gift. A gift in the way his son never was. A gift in the way that a whole lifetime lost and returned to him never was, and Joel is weak and two feet tall and made of paper, but for you. Anyways, or despite it all, still made only for you. 
“Fuck me like you’re in love with me,” you say, read his mind, take hold of the beating mass in his chest. Fuck me like you’re in love with me. And maybe you don’t mean it. Maybe you’re too far gone. It doesn’t matter.
He does it anyway. Pulls back, wedges back inside the too swollen, too sensitive, too tiny cunt that belongs to him. He bears his teeth at you, grabs hold of your face so hard you’ll bruise, and fucks you like he’s in love with you. It comes to him so easily, after all. 
Shoving his knees high up beneath your thighs, he brings your ankles to his shoulders, little feet knocking against his ears, he wishes for sense, he finds none, only a deeper, sharper angle. The sounds of your cries and the things you whisper in his ear he knows you should not say and he should not listen to that fill him full of things he should not feel like I was made for you and daddy, there’s no one like you and come inside me, please, please, I need it. He pulls his hips back, swings them forward, listens to the sound of his balls slap, and you beg for harder, savors the fire that pools in his belly and the base of his spine. And he thinks that he should pull out, he’s been so fucking careless with you and your future and your vulnerability, but he’s like a monster full of greed, intent on nothing but staking his claim, leaving a claim, desperate for a way to be remembered or never forgotten or never left behind. “We have to be careful,” he begs you, and feels scared and terrible for a moment, not to be trusted with a gift like this in his hands. “I’m going to get you fucking pregnant, God.”
But you’re like some siren, something taking him away from himself, and you tell him, “I don’t care, I don’t care,” voice gone so far away from yourself too, all hazy, full of bubbles and too cock drunk to be true or sane, but it lands like a gut punch anyway. And Joel tries to hold onto himself he does, he swears he does, tries to remain rational, and aware of what this was supposed to be and not supposed to be. Tells you to please, “Shut up, shut up. Please, don’t say those things to me, I’m begging you.” But eventually that siren song wins out, the feel of your cunt sucking him deeper, milking him dry, your small damp hands pulling at his hair, stubby nails dragging down the skin of his cheeks, over his back, and Joel’s weak now. Weak and full of want and greed and delusion so that all that’s left is capitulation and: “You want daddy to fuck his babies into you? You want me to fill you up and keep you forever?” But something of himself must remain because he covers your mouth, big hand wrapped around your sweaty little face before you can answer, forcing the words silent inside of your mouth, the truth you both know you’d spit out otherwise. Yes, yes, I do. And as if the idea of you carrying his child held a direct like to your orgasm, you start to come around him, overwhelmed cunt, split in two and carved in the shape of his name now, clenching around him, going so wet and hot and tight Joel’s sure he’ll never be able to leave it ever again. You reach down between the two of you, grasp the half of his cock outside of your wet clutch, shiny with your slick and jack him off with sharp little tugs, make sure he fills you with his spend full to the brim. He spills over and out, dribbles down the slope of your ass to leave you lying in a little puddle of his semen, and when he pulls out, careful to not ask you to hold all of his weight over you, he brings your fingers to your gaping cunt, “Feel where daddy’s been,” lets you play in the imprint of himself he’s left behind. 
He lays beside you, steaming hot little thing worming up against him, nuzzling beneath his chin, pressing tiny kisses that tell him all the things the both of you need to hear and say, and he feels himself go cool and dry inside and out. Something terrible suddenly swelling within him. Something that reeks of truth, and you must smell it in the air as well because you share a piece of your own painful honesty with him, force him to confront it. “Sometimes I think I’m impossible to love,” in the smallest voice he’s surely ever heard. 
“Haven’t I shown you how untrue that is?” Because if there’s one thing he’ll never do with you, it’s lie.
You tuck your hand beneath your cheek, and you glow, and he feels blinded by it for a moment, eyes wide and so vulnerably tender, something afraid that makes something equally vulnerable inside of him rage and beat its chest. “Is that what this is? Are we in love, Joel?”
He thinks you must see the fear in his eyes, because yours suddenly go calm, fathomless, something steady for him to hold on to, and that stench of honesty chokes him. “Yeah–” he nods, swallows, thinks of his son, hates himself. “I think so, baby.”
-
What can remain the same after honesty like that? After splitting yourself open and showing each other your insides in such a way? What could possibly remain the same? Nothing. The truth is laid bare, and all that’s left now. And instead of setting you free, the truth never really sets you free, it makes everything terribly fraught and frightened and fragile. 
When he moves to stand, the sound of your desperation for him to make you his in an irreversible way rings like exploding shrapnel in your ears, “Do you think we’re bad?” You ask because you’ve only ever wanted to be good, but his eyes are so haunted, large and round and fathomless. His face, taking on a sudden sort of gauntness as he thinks of what to say to you after the worst has already been said. You watch the line of his throat ripple as he swallows several times, reading the real truth in his eyes before he shakes his head slowly, incongruous like a lie, “Never you,” and he does not include himself, “Never you.” It’s devastating. Devastating that the only thing that’s ever mattered, the thing that has finally made you good, is bad in his eyes. 
You sit at the kitchen table, watching him while he makes dinner for you. Cold and shivery and wet between your legs in a way that’s not comfortable anymore. In a way that feels like an essential part of you is slowly dripping out, leaving you grossly empty inside. The beautiful dinner he’d bought and made for you tastes like ash wrapped in all the honesty surrounding the two of you, and you stare at each other and there's no need for more words because the truth is all right here in front of the two of you to see with your own two eyes. You want to go get dressed, but you don’t want to call attention to the seed of wrongness that’s been planted now. Are we in love? When the answer had so obviously been yes for so long already. Naive, silly girl. And you want to be angry with him. Ask him why he’d done this to you, made you fall in love with him when he’d said before that you couldn’t, when it was all so hopeless. You also want to hear him say it, say the words out loud with teeth and tongue and sound, you want to taste the words in your mouth because seeing them in his eyes wrapped in all that hopelessness isn’t nearly enough to satiate this hunger he’s stoked inside of you. You want to ask him to hold you, to crawl into his lap and have him cradle you like a child protected in the embrace of stronger, wiser arms. You want to have never been put on this path, to have never met his son, never have married him, never have met him. You want the whole terrible ordeal to be wiped from mind and mouth and memory. You want to have not had to accept it all, not have moved on, not be grateful in ways you can’t even understand for the lesson it’d all posed. You want it all to have never happened. To never have experienced the entire convoluted mess of feelings this ordeal of tearing down your entire life to make yourself anew had caused. To have never fallen in love with your ex-husbands father. 
He sits in his chair, hands cupping his chin for so long, silent and staring, probably wondering what to do with you, and when he finally stands, nothing but a long, pained sigh to interrupt the terrible silence, you finally muster the strength to go find that missing bra. Crawl home, once again a ghoul in the night in need of wound licking. And it must be that very same terrible silence, the even more terrible look in his eyes that has something pressurized, set to burst, bottled inside of you because when a knock on the door sounds once again, you don’t even stop for half a thought, exploding suddenly. In his clothes and come, ripping the door open, the words on your tongue ready to spit at her that he’s already got one desperate woman on his hands that needs taking care of, and no, he will not be fixing her dishwasher or her pussy or anything else she thinks she might need him for. 
But it’s not the neighbor. And you have nothing but fear lodged in your throat to spit out when you meet his eyes. 
Eyes like his father’s, colder, crueler, furious and humiliated, take you in. Just fucked hair and a flannel that’s not your own, mis-buttoned, come-dryed thighs. And worst of all, his voice, like he isn’t even that surprised, like he’d come here just to find this, “You fucking whore.”
“Sam–” you’re not sure if you actually say his name, but the intention is held there, on the tip of your tongue. A plea for mercy or a shout for help or protection or something. 
“You fucking whore,” and you flinch at the scream in his throat, scuffle back into the safety of the house of the man you love who is the father of the man you were married to, the man who broke you, the betrayed son. He’s shocked still for a single second, before he’s charging at you, fist not entirely raised but definitely held with consideration. And, “I knew it, I always fucking knew it,” before Joel is there, stepping between you and your ex-husuband, his son, blocking you with his body, big hand wrapping entirely around your forearm to hold you close to himself, to hold you in his protection. 
“You better put your fucking arm down before I break it, son.” That moment, Joel’s voice, the utter betrayal in his son’s eyes. The sound of you breaking something that you should have never ever gotten in between. It is worse than all the rest. You take him in, the sight of this man who you used to be married to, he’d always seemed so large in your eyes before, so unattainable. Something never to be fully touched, only gazed upon. Always apart, always cold. Sam’s eyes fall to the place where his father holds you, and his face spasms, something terrible. Broken and alone, a child cast out into the cold. And you want to say that he seems so different now, haggard and gaunt and whittled down to bare bones, but it isn’t the truth. You always knew what he was, your most terrible bit of honesty. You always knew, you’d just not cared before. There was never any separation, no space for you to take a breath and want better for yourself. To be under his scrutiny, something that at one time felt like admiration, but was never anything even close, it was like nothing else, like everything, a great lie. But he was too aware of it, of himself, of that power he held over you, and unlike his father, he was cruel with it. Your eyes move up to the back of Joel’s head, the hard edge of his jaw, the muscle that spasms furiously there. What would it do to you now to be under that same sort of attention, influence, admiration, but from a kinder, gentler, honest source? What had it done to you? Dangerous to risk yourself again, impossible to stop now. 
“I always knew it,” he says again, “I always knew you wanted him. What? You let him fuck you?” The words in his mouth are a terrible thing, Joel says something, tells him to hold his tongue, to get the fuck out, but your eyes are riveted on the sight of his face, this man you used to be married to who’d broken you so completely, who’d stolen your very memory of yourself. He seems wholly unrecognizable now, and in a way, it frightens you, that someone you’d known for what seemed like so long could be such a stranger now. Joel’s hand is an anchor, such a comfort wrapped around your arm. “You barely let me touch you for two years, but you’ll bend over like a whore for my fucking Dad?” His voice breaks and it makes you want to laugh a little bit. 
Joel shoves him backward, jerking you forward still in his hold. “Say that word one more time in my house, and I won’t be held responsible for what I do to you. And don’t fucking look at her,” he snaps, reaching up to give him a quick two tapped slap on the cheek to focus his gaze on himself. “Get out, Sam. I’ll call you later. We can–”
But unheeded or too far gone, like he needs to hear the sound of the words as a comfort to himself in this moment, Sam looks back at you, “You’re a fucking whore. I wish I’d never met you, I hate you.” Joel shoves him backwards again, harder this time so that his leg slams into the side table, overturning the lamp there into a crashing heap on the floor, so hard that when he pulls you with him it feels as if he’ll wrench your shoulder from its socket with the force of his anger. You yelp in pain, but cling to him anyways, refusing to let him go either, hiding behind the hill of his shoulder. Pushing his son away, not letting you go. It’s wrong, it’s wrong and you’d told him that you wanted to keep him, to take him away from his own son, that you were made of nothing but greed, but there’s something wrong here, inherently not right, bad. 
And even yet, you can’t help the look on your face that must surely be nothing short of humiliating to Sam for the way he reddens, the little muscles in his face jerking uncontrollably. You’re done here, Sam. Get the fuck out, Joel says again, taking a step forward to herd him out, pulling you along, keeping you close. You taunt him with your gaze, can’t help yourself, “I thought I was a prude?” You say from behind the protection of his father’s body. “Isn’t that what you called me for all those years? Thought I was frigid, unfuckable, unlovable? Am I not anymore?” You ask in a small, breathy voice, falsely guileless, entirely provoking. “Have you changed your mind now that I’ve taken your Daddy from you?” False pout and mocking eyebrow.
Joel’s head snaps over his shoulder, incredulous look on his face, and Sam flinches as if struck, splintered glass in the shape of his son’s gaze, it fractures, falls back to where Joel holds you.“I wanted to talk to you,” He says to his father, “I wanted to– You’re really choosing her over me?” It costs Sam something to say this, and you weren’t expecting it either because suddenly, the game changes. His voice is child-like in its hurt, that son who longed for his father for all those years. “After everything that was stolen from us, you’re not going to choose me?” You know in that moment, he’s won. 
“This isn’t about choice, son,” Joel tells him, but you hear it for the lie it is. “This isn’t about you versus her.”
“But it is,” and his eyes flash to yours, victory held in them. “She was my wife. And you’re my father, and you have to make a choice now. This is fucking sick.” There’d always been an intelligence to his cruelty, and he wields it now. The sound of his son’s name is a choked thing in Joel’s mouth. He goes rigid, a painful stillness, muscles vibrating with warring emotions. You hold your breath for it. He looks down at where he holds you, tightens his grip painfully, and then slowly, so that the three of you are sure to take in the whole procession of it, he lets go of your arm. One finger at a time, the heat of his palm leaving you, and you’re alone. 
“It isn’t about choice,” he says again, and yet, one has already been made. You stand still, head bent, gaze riveted on the place where he’d let you go. He takes a step away from you, towards his son, and his voice is low and gentle and soothing now, and you’re still staring at the barrenness of your arm.
I had such potential to be good, you think. He just never saw it. But you don’t know who you mean. And you don’t think it matters anymore. 
They say more to each other. Joel’s hand on his son’s arm now, pushing him towards the door, but still, still comforting for the thing it symbolizes, a benediction of choice, and you turn around to face the other side of the room. You can’t look – wrapping your arms around yourself. You don’t think you’ll run this time. Face it head on, let it be over now in full. Sam’s voice rings shrill, the sound of your name and curses and accusations, fighting a futile fight against his father’s even baritone, the sound of the slamming door, and then silence. When you turn back over your shoulder, they’ve stepped outside together, leaving you alone inside the house. 
He’d asked you once what you wanted, and you can’t fathom what the point of it had been. What does it matter what I want? That’s the least significant thing here. It always was. 
When he finally comes back inside, you’re dressed, lost bra retrieved, your bag packed and sitting at your feet. You’d gone into the kitchen just before, taken a peek at the pie, and you were right, and you don’t know how he could have possibly known, but he’d gotten you rhubarb. Your face is dry now, no tears and no will to cry. There’s nothing to speak of in his gaze when he leans back against the door to look at you, swallowing down words you’re sure will mean nothing in the face of all of this. And you look at him and you love him and you think, I was married to a man once and now I’m not and now I’m with his father and I love him in the way I never loved the son; and so now, I must ask myself, am I merely looking for the love of lesser man, who could have never given me what I needed, in the eyes of a man who seems to have all the answers? 
You don’t think so. And yet, there are still no answers to be had, and no questions left to ask. 
“I’m going this time,” In case he has designs to force you to stay, and even though there’s a light of acceptance in his eyes, he still shakes his head. Swallows and gathers his seams about himself before he says, “You aren’t leaving me,” gaze churning from warry to flinty to resolved. 
“I was never supposed to stay at all. I was never supposed to be for you. You said so yourself– you said we couldn’t fall in love. That I wasn't for you.” You get to your feet, pulling your purse over your shoulder, and he rushes towards you, pushing the bag back down to the floor, taking your face in his hands hard, something like panic in his eyes and in the air and in the vibration of his voice.
“It doesn’t matter, none of that matters– Whatever was before, whatever was in the past doesn’t mean shit when it’s just you and me here together–” And you’re crying now, real, great sobs of grief. 
“You were the one that said we couldn’t fall in love,” you cry again, try and pull away, but he holds you to himself, squeezes you against him, shivers like he too is crying, burying his face in your shoulder. 
“I was a fucking idiot, a damn liar. There was never any other option, baby.” Most terrible of terrible truths, you’d both known if for the lie it was the moment he’d said it, even before, probably. You stand limply in the circle of his embrace. He’d said once that he’d been a coward not to go out and look for you, but you know the opposite is true. No one is more of a coward than you were for not having waited for him. For having been so desperate for love, you’d been willing to settle for the wrong kind. You’ll never be able to settle for false comfort like that again, and it’s all his fault. “You’ve ruined me now. I’m ruined.”
He pulls back to take your face in his hands again, and you were right, he is crying. “I’m ruined! And I need you to give me another chance. I demand another chance– to… to fix this. To–”
But another chance for what? To change what? “He’s your son, and I only want you to be happy.” And you know he couldn’t ever be happy, truly happy, estranged from his only child. After all, like he’d said, the theft of him had been the worst thing ever done. You wouldn’t commit a crime like that against Joel also, never. 
“Baby, please, I think… I– I love–”
“Please–” You press the tips of your fingers to his mouth, silencing him. “Please, don’t do this to me now.” It makes you angry, this intent of his to trap you here with his love when there’s no room for you to stay. You turn away, picking up your bag again, but he snatches you back into himself, wrapping his big arms around your waist, crushing you against his chest. And you’d struggle if you could, but there’s so little fight left in you. “You’re the one that said – you said we couldn’t!”
“I know what I fucking said,” he spits, voice so angry it almost frightens you. “But there’s still– We have to talk, we have to–”
“What can you possibly imagine there’s left to say?”
“Everything.”
“Or nothing.”
“Look at me. Look at me–” He pulls your head back and to the side by your chin. There’s a bright flush sitting high on his cheekbones, and his eyes shift quickly back and forth between yours, searching for a way to fix this. To fix the good thing that’s now been broken. His thumb strokes the point of your chin softly, and he presses his mouth slowly to yours, eyes open to watch for your reaction. “This wasn’t a mistake,” he tells you, “We weren’t a mistake.” Weren’t. The final nail in the coffin. “I know, I know that there are so many things– that we can’t… but just– just stand here with me for one minute, please. Just give me one more second, and I’ll–”
He doesn’t finish the thought, and you let him kiss you one last time. And when he pulls back, because it doesn’t feel like it really matters, and because you just want to hear the sound of it coming out of your mouth, because you wish it was true and not the complete opposite, because you want to be as cruel and ugly outside as you feel on the inside, you whisper, “I hate you,” a full bodied lie. 
His eyes shutter and flicker for a moment, a wash of hurt suffusing them. But because he’s never been a weak man and because he’s always been honest, and he’s always, always above everything else, been good, he says, “And I love you,” and there it is. You’d thought you wanted to hear the sound of that too, but now that you have, it’s more terrible than you could have ever possibly imagined. And after that, there really is nothing left to say. 
-
Joel goes to see his brother afterwards because it’s what he always does and who he always goes to when he’s lost. When a son in the shape of a man made of nothing but childish fear and anger and hurt, had appeared one day, dropped out of the blue sky, onto his front porch, when he realized he wanted his daughter-in-law in a way no good man should. And now, that he’s admitted, because the realization had already been there, swift and uncompromising, the admittance had been all that was left, the hard going part, that he was in love with you – in love with the woman who had been married to his son, here he finds himself again. Lost and weak and two feet tall, made of nothing but hollow bones. “I’m not myself,” he tells Tommy, and then amends the lie because he’s not come here to tell lies. “She’s made me into someone I don’t recognize and wish I could be forever.” How would he get his old self back now? Impossible. You’d taken him away with you, he was only half made now, half man, half strength. And Tommy is understanding because it has always only been the two of them, and he’s always seen Joel for exactly who he is without judgement. The most honest eyes in the whole world, his brother. “I'm afraid that she’s the love of my life. I’m afraid that I’m not really so afraid at all. And she won’t even talk to me.” You’d left his house a week and a day ago, and Joel was going out of his mind, losing pieces of himself along the way, his sanity, his sense of right and wrong, his self restraint, self possession. He was about to do something crazy, he felt it gnawing and itching at his bones. He could barely remember the look of betrayal in his own son’s eyes amidst the madness of the memory of the hurt in yours, the sight of you walking away from him. “And my son. My son, my child, Tommy, he hates me. And I’m in love with the woman he used to be married to, who he hurt. And he’s a cruel and small man, and he needs me. He needs my help, and I have a responsibility to him. But Tommy– Tommy, I love her. She’s mine. And what am I going to do? What am I going to say to him? How will I ever face him again? She’s mine, and I– I can’t explain it, I can’t excuse it. But she’s mine– she’s my woman. She belongs to me. I know this as well as I know my own name, my own face.”
And his brother, his brother, his brother who always understands him, who always stands beside him, he claps him on the shoulder and says, “If anyone can find a way, Joel, it’s you. I know you can. You’re stronger and smarter than anyone I’ve ever known. And you don’t abandon yours.” And so Joel must believe him because Tommy is his brother, and he knows him, and he knows that even though he’s weak now, even if he must let himself be weak now, in the face of all of this, Joel is not truly a weak man where it counts. 
-
You and Sam had only ever spoken once on the topic of children. It was, from the first moment broached, a non possibility, not even half of an option. Devastating, but now, all this time later, almost like a grace from God. You’d wanted a baby so badly, more than anything in the whole world, and he would not give you one. He’d said your desire for a child was incongruous with your cold nature, how frigid you were. 
And you’d been so long, caught in the who am I, in the what am I doing. You never stopped to ask why. Molded into a bad shape, but mute and deaf to the intricacies of what had carved you so. You’d needed to destroy yourself entirely, tear down everything around yourself, and then recreate yourself and everything else in your life in a new image. Perhaps, then, you’d finally have the chance to be good.
Your husband’s father had given you this. Joel had given you this. 
And Joel, Joel, Joel, Joel. How to tell him that you’re sorry? That you’re vile and cruel and yes, even cold sometimes, but for him, for him you can find it in yourself to be soft, something to be forgiven, you hope. His son had called you a prude, and then, his father’s whore. Did it matter what the truth was? You weren’t so sure. Did you want Joel because you were a whore? Because your own father had never loved you, and you were thus desperate to fill that void left by lesser, crueler men? Did it matter? You hated the idea that this desire for him had to have been born by consequence of another man. What about what you wanted? What about the fact that it felt good when he was inside of you? When he gave it to you rough and hard and when he told you that you belonged to him because you did, because it was the truth. What about the fact that you were in love with him? That should have counted more because you said it counted more. And then that was it, nothing more to the thing of it. So what if he was the father of the man who’d been your husband? The man who’d stolen all of your surety, your passion, yourself. Sometimes, retribution feels fucking good. So what about it? And then, and after all, you were in love with him. So what did it all matter after that? 
People liked to say that sometimes a bad thing is worth it if it feels good enough. But what if you didn't think it was bad at all, and what if it didn’t just feel good enough? What if it’s actually everything, the best thing you’d ever had in your whole life? And what if it is simply and solely, or maybe even also, who cares, who cares, what if it is simply because it’s Joel? Joel who is beautiful and strong and good. Maybe even perfect in a way that you need. 
He’d told you once that he’d never had the chance to be angry, that it had been stolen from him, the worst thing ever done to me, he’d said. You know that you could never do that to him. Never hurt him in that way. And there might be so many options. Choices. Truths. Yourself. Finally, you are only yourself. Good in the way he’d shown you to be. In a way that did not bow to anything but the sort of goodness you needed. But Joel; above all else, Joel. He is the first choice, and everything else seems inconsequential after that. What is goodness worth in the face of all he’s given you? 
So, you sit now, within the basin of your empty bathtub, no more leaky kitchen sink echoing through your empty apartment, he’d fixed it weeks ago, and peer over the lip of the tub. And there, blinking up at you from the face of the skinny pink and white stick, is your answer to goodness. It had always been within yourself. And you think, if it must be just the two of us now, then let it. After all, your father has finally taught me how to be good. 
End.
Netherfeildren's Masterlist
Updates Blog!
998 notes · View notes
moongoopy · 1 month
Text
no way out
cont: reader has lost about everything so why not lose themselves too?
c/w: reader has anxiety and depression, dubcon, reader getting kidnapped, yandere characters, reader is an artist, death (not reader or the duo), dark content, family problems, blood, reader constantly relapses from self harm, manipulation, harassment (not from duo)
a/n: damn thats crazy. funny how i end it almost the same like my other scenario lolololol, reqs open!
c: geto x reader x gojo
Tumblr media
it was the last year of college and it was like you slaved away at your school work that it was numbing to even do your hobbies.
the light in you was dying that your heart should've stopped years ago.
no parties can save you.
you threw away the invitation for the college party, everything was blur to you. too much responsibility on your shoulders and no shoulder to cry on, your roommate no less too busy with his own life to go fuck himself over some girl he broke up with and you slip away everytime you were close to talking to him. he wouldn't listen anyways, head too busy in the clouds as he loses himself again.
the miscalls from your family didn't bother you anymore, it was aggravating to text them back everytime they remembered you so you pretend such a nuisance doesn't exist until it's too late.
"atleast pretend to care"
you told yourself in the mirror, eye twitching from your toothbrush that fall at your feet when your hand collided with the sink. you were worse for wear, eyebags getting darker as you thumbed through social media and letting a few minutes pass before picking up the brush.
instead of calling back, you left a long line of texts with another brand new line of excuses to shut them up with a bunch of emojis for some normalcy. you cleaned up the brush before applying another line of toothpaste onto it and slumped, remembering how money was also running low. thankfully, you didn't share money with your roommate or anything but inflation was upon us.
no way you wanted to ask from your family. they fared well but it was like a hit list on how much you'd ask them and that when you get back home, they'll use it against you and scream in your face while you're strung up limbly like a doll by not responding at all. a response is asking for a fight, no response is to defuse their thoughts by letting them pile ontop of you until they move onto another thing to complain about.
you nearly choke at the taste of blood and pulled away from your toothbrush, red coated your tongue and the gums of your teeth before they quickly get washed off including your grimy face.
another shower may do you good before you worry more about other things. should it be saving up more money or that you haven't come to work for two days now?
oh, this is killing you, why couldn't you just turn the cutter towards your neck? you'd sob so loudly when the blood on your thighs washes over and the cuts burn and twist your skin in and out that you desperately grabbed onto the shower walls. staring down at your scars that barely heal, you made sure to pick pants that wouldn't bother your battered skin. your mind lingers again, the pressure of the water against your head calmer than the caress of your mother's hand combing through your hair.
how did it went downhill in your life?
the folks here were seperated into systems of the typical tropes of college but you weren't treated that badly. there were stares and badmouthing but it never harmed you. so college wasn't the problem.
or maybe it was the relative that passed where you bawled so hard over? yet, you'd never really known them, having correlations towards your passion and attitude only. seemingly called a reflection of them by your other family members but the memory of said late relative lingers in your head sometimes like the wax that's left after the flames took it out but it can only be reshaped if you want to.
but you never pried into the past of that relative so it couldn't be.
you lost yourself way before the impending family problems and countless homeworks you had that the addicting press off the cutter felt more like home than home ever was.
no, dont go back there, it wont help.
drying yourself off, you decided you should atleast take the night shift. clothes tossed on, you couldn't slump around this time. you had something due in a week so maybe work was better to focus on at the moment. passing your roommate's room, you nearly stumbled out the door. night was fast aporoaching this time, it made you ill. the sun or the moon was something you could tell apart from the slow days that passed, without it was living like you're dying.
you took the shortcut, a creepy alleyway but if you were quick; you didn't have to deal with any drunkards and steadily walked. you clutched your earphones in your hand as you tried to listem for any noise that can ruin the night and jumped back to somebody that reached out for you.
"hey there..!"
the man drawled, oh god.
he was drunk or rather high with how hard he was clutching something in his hands but nonetheless it creeped you out, you walked hurriedly away from him.
it was amazing on how stupidly quick he was. his eyes were rolling to the back of his head and drool smearing his lips as he pursues you. your sling bag slipped from your arm which was held tight incase you needed to hit him.
the road down was getting slippery just a bit near to the cornerstore where you worked at, you could dissappear through the backdoor incase he gave chase. or was that a bad choice? he'd know where you work at if he remembered a part of you. thats why you didnt want to yell back incase he recognizes it if he scuttles into your work place and do god knows what there. not a lot of people were around at the hours you work at too.
tears spilled from your eyes, you always were the fearful type. thats why you havent died, just the thought of dying was perfect for you but never the action. you could die in this situation, what if he had a knife. you didnt want that. such an unflattering way to die by some weirdo whose name will be forgotteen after a few days of town talk.
you wanted to die but not this, no!
you swerved the corner and you heard the man gasp.. or choke?
you turned back immediately and another man was holding him by the throat, slamming him back on the graffitied wall with a dangerous glare towards the creep.
"get the fuck out of here!" was enough for the man to whimper and cry, running away back to the alleyway and his footsteps faded away slowly but if you just listen a little closer, he was really running for his life in his drunken stupor.
the stranger's fist was a bit bloody, you didnt know where he had hit himself, hell was that even his blood?
"shit, thank you.."
you exhaled sharply, you had held your breath so long eversince you had turned around. your heart beating so fast to what you thought was gonna happen if the creep caught up with you. this white haired stranger smiled widely, a bit too wide for almost beating up a man and walked towards you.
"you okay? theres been a lot more creeps lately. that must've shaken you up, do you need..?"
he opens his arms up to which you shifted akwardly, hand on your arm. should you? he saved your life and you haven't hugged anybody for a while. hell, you needed something to stop your panic and nearly fell right into his arms. he chuckled, rubbing your back in comfort as he fumbles with something in his bag in the other hand.
"where were you headed? i'll take you there. who know what other weirdos are out here."
you nodded slowly, feeling more at ease when both of his arms wrap around you. you wanted to stay in his chest for a while, scent so nice to inhale but you pulled away swiftly. wow, nearly caught yourself being the creep, this was revolting. you haven't felt affection in the longest time that some stranger's arms were what stabilize you, it was almost embarassing. you might as well ask him to bed you with how you nearly nuzzled into him.
you turned around and he slipped his fingers between yours which was a bit peculiar.
he laughed boyishly, putting his hands up defensively.
"sorry, its just instict. im worried about you!"
looking at him again, he was very pretty. such nice lashes fluttering at you as he utters his words and you shook your head almost mechanically. you dont get a lot of nice strangers like this often, it nearly made you feel too relaxed. it was fine, he probably goes through this with other people that walk alone at night and get disturbed by whatever.
"i'm kinda late now to my work.. but its fine, can you back me up?" he did a thumbs up before walking with you, finally turning the corner and seeing the signboard of the convenient shop lit up. you looked up at him, wanting to thank him again before one of his arms slip behind your waist and your vision becomes blurry.
a car drove past, stopping beside the two.
your limbs felt heavy and you started seeing black and he held you close.
"don't worry, i'll do more than back you up."
------------
this was warm. it felt too warm like a mother's womb. or was that a strange way to describe this feeling? maybe it was more thicker than the blankets you had back at your home or maybe it wasn't your blankets at all?
you woke up in a sweat, head aching with great pain as you let your eyes adjust to the dark.
what was going on?
why was the stranger that helped you was here? legs held to his chest as he watches a movie while another stranger combs through your hair and he was so close, you'd nearly scream. chains rattle and your feet feels so cold. you were so disoriented that whatever noise you managed out of you made the stranger from earlier made him whip his head back.
"it's okay, y/n. we'll explain."
he moved so quick that he was right next to you, gripping your chin so suddenly which made you back up. he held onto you by your clothes and it made the fabric stretch, these weren't your clothes either. just what the fuck was going on?! you screeched, tearing away from him and it made the other stranger hold onto the other's wrist.
"satoru, don't act like a hooligan. you're scaring them"
the one named 'satoru' backed off, chuckling and putting his hands up defensively like how he did before except the look in his eyes were so much more carnal than ever before.
"cmon, its natural to get excited to have your plan work out. on such a random night and way more early than your intended timing, suguru?"
it was like a challenge for 'suguru' to bite back but he couldn't care less and looked back at you. it was eerie. his eyes a swirl of purple and such an illusion had you staring back into them which gave him a chance to touch you even more where he adjusted your clothes and patting them back to how it originally look.
"how'd you feel, darling? i'll explain, we three go to same college, remember us?"
you only had to a bunch of people remembered in your head that anymore than that, you dont bother to remember but their names were farmiliar. people do talk about them all the time so would you shake your head or nod? nonetheless, satoru butts in and thumbs your lips.
"so? speak up, your voice's too pretty to just nod as a response~"
you pulled away, a rush of tears rolling down your face at the realisation of how messed up this situation was. two men in this cold room. you were kidnapped. you didn't know whether to scream or bite back when they started cooing and wiping at your tears. it felt so insulting when they talked like you weren't there, you wanted to quale with anger but your eyes snap back to the shackles on your feet. they notice that you knew, suguru shoves his finger onto satoru's lips before he said something else that could trigger you.
"well, sweetheart. i know all of this can be scary but none of this is to hurt you-"
"how the hell, what the hell do you mean by that? you kidnap me to just look at me, is that what you're telling me!?"
that came out in one breath that you paused, your sobbing stop a bit. this was bad. oh no, you weren't rational. well, you were never rational but in this situation with two strangers from college, they could easily chuck you in a body bag and call it a day. your sniffling gets louder when suguru pressed his thumb into your cheek and turned your head towards him.
his expression was almost indescribable. was he angry? was he amused? was he planning things? this was making you dizzy. they might talk about killing your right here right now too as they had no shame to cover up their plans of kidnapping you. but a small huff was let out from his lips as he held your face so tenderly.
"i know, this situation cam be scary but we've seen you around college. your artwork is just astounding and we wanted to go look for you, such an artist should hear our praise from us and yet you were nowhere to be found." satoru's brows quirked up when your eyes started gleaming a bit but blinking fast to try to hide some care into his words.
"when we found out how you've been so down in your mental issues, it saddens us. your teachers told us how you looked deeply affected by them. that you've been so lonely.." your chest starts heaving when he got so close to your face and your feet kicked the floor to slip away from him only for satoru to hold you from behind.
"we decided to keep you here as our little darling."
you blinked up, eyes twitching.
so they only saw you as entertainment that you were about to push them away from you and spit at them until satoru held your hand and kissed it, taking in your scent.
"sure, its the most foul thing to ever be called by us but we promise you're gonna enjoy it here!"
his arm slips from behind your neck and pulled you close to your chest, snickering when you tried to get away from him. his lips inch close to your ear and he whispers.
"we want to make you feel much better, away from everything you're experiencing and we want to talk about your passion too. wouldn't you like that? we'll provide it all for you. just say the word~"
your eyes nearly roll to the back of your head from the tears you squeezed out painfully. this had to be a joke. what was even going on anymore? your life had to be an absolute joke, you should've joined that one relative in death too.
but a life with them where your problems are almost nonexistent was just peaceful, did you died to get into this position. your crying had calmed down again. you looked up at them in worry, were they really telling the truth? a kiss was pressed softly on the forehead by suguru and his smile reached his eyes with such tenderness.
"you need time to process this, you can go back to sleep and think about it when you wake up.."
"orrrr enjoy your favourite!"
satoru popped open a bag from the restaurant you liked to go to but haven't in a while and the smell was just strong enough to taste it. your eyes linger to a pillow suguru held out for you and you'd nearly keel over. it was your pillow from your dorm and it made your head swirl in confusion.
just who are these two? why do they know so much when they heard you through passing? there was so much questions that they shut down with a kiss and slot their bodies right next to you.
but one thing was certain, you're not getting out of this soon.
122 notes · View notes
vixialuvs · 4 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
DONT YOU WORRY ABOUT YOUR CURLY HAIR !
୨୧. pairing - riki nishimura x reader .
୨୧. cw - hurt/comfort, wrote with a curly haired hispanic reader in mind, lwk self indulgent lol :,), friends to lovers
୨୧. summary - you get insecure about your curly hair after you overhear some girls talking about it in the halls, and ni-ki is there to comfort you.
୨୧. NOW PLAYING - “a letter to my thirteen year old self” by LAUFEY .
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
you were a foreign exchange student, who has been living in korea since you were 7. you were never accepted into the standards because of your skin color, your hair, and the food you eat.
yet there was one boy, who you came to know as your best friend, nishimura riki. he came from japan, but still managed to fit in with the others. you sort of resented him, how easy people accepted him but gave you funny looks, always picking you last in games and never sitting with you during lunch.
he didn’t seem to care about any of that. he stuck by your side no matter how hard you tried to push him away, and you eventually gave in. years flew by, and you were still deemed as the odd one out, the only girl in the entire school with beautiful luscious curls, yet you were ashamed of them.
ni-ki, who was given that nickname by his friends in primary school, who was basically glued to your side, however, adored them. he would constantly ask for permission to play with your curls, and you couldn’t help but say yes, even though you knew it would make them somewhat frizzy. deep down in your heart, there was a sudden realization you were in love with the boy.
you pushed your feelings down deep, knowing he should get with one of the perfect korean girls in your school, ones with shiny straight hair and supple, pale skin that glows in the sun. you even decided that one of his fangirls would be a better match for him then you. in a final last ditch attempt to lose your feelings for him, you began to avoid him.
this hurt him so badly, seeing you dodge him in classes and hallways, hiding away during lunch in the library or the courtyard, eating alone. he kept trying to find you, hanging around the spaces you two used to sit together, under cherry blossom trees, on the bleachers, in the library, and finally, underneath the staircase.
he was going on his daily search for you when he heard sniffling come from your designated spot, and knowing your voice, he immediately knew it was you. he rushed down in his dark clothing, complete opposite from what your wearing, decked out in baby pink and white, bow in your hair and everything, seeing you sitting on the steps crying quietly. he sits beside you and cups your cheek, getting you to look at him.
“y/n? what happened?” his voice brings you out of your panic, causing you to look at the tall boy kneeled infront of you. you shake your head and look away from him, but he persists, now holding your face with both of his hands, thumbs caressing your cheeks so lovingly, as if he loves you. “cmon, look at me y/n, please. just tell me.”
he murmurs pleadingly, thumbing away your tears. you cave in, unable to resist his gaze.
“just.. everyone in this school treats me like i’m some specimen.. or like an alien from another planet. just because of my hair and my skin color. i hate it so much ni-ki. and.. um..”
you pause, not sure if what your about to say will go over well. it could seriously jeopardize your entire friendship.
“and what?”
he murmurs, looking at you expectantly, nodding along to what your saying, waiting for you to speak.
“i like you ni-ki. i like you more then a friend and more then a classmate. i like you. i don’t know why i like you. i just do, okay? i’m so sorry. i’m so so sorry—“
your apologies are abruptly cut off with his pouty lips pressed onto yours. he brings you closer by placing a hand on the back of your neck to deepen the sweet, comforting kiss. your hands come up to rest on the sides of his neck and jaw. you pull away with wild eyes, but before you can speak again he cuts you off once more.
“don’t you worry about your curly hair, y/n. it’s so beautiful. people just aren’t used to your beauty, since nobody in korea has your beautiful hair. but you are so unique and ethereal, you stand out from everyone else for a good reason, and that’s why i love you. you aren’t considered normal, and neither am i.”
he rants on about how much he loves you and your hair, until you cut him off.
“you.. love me?”
you sound so awestruck. someone loves you? and it’s the boy you’ve been pining after for years?
“yes, y/n l/n, i love you so much it hurts. please, can i be your boyfriend?”
he pulls you up to your feet, yet hes practically towering over you, standing at 6’1, and interlocks your hands. he cups your cheek with another, bending down to kiss your forehead.
“yes, nishimura riki. you can be my boyfriend.”
you hum before pulling him into another sweet kiss, getting lost in his embrace.
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
@vixialuvs . thank you for reading, do not copy, steal or plagiarize my work ! requests are always open !
261 notes · View notes
4rafe · 2 months
Note
Would love my girl part 2 how rafe finds her and sees marks on her neck
MY GIRL (PT.2) || R. CAMERON
part 1 — my girl
summary; rafe was determined to kill anyone who ever hurt you but when you asked differently of him, he complied.
warnings; not proofread!!, marks on r's neck, mention of wanting to kill (?)
a/n; was hoping someone would ask for this, im so glad you guys enjoyed it!! <3
— masterlist
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
ending of part 1; as rafe got to his truck, he grabbed his gun out from under the driver seat and placed it in the back of his pants because he didnt know what to expect, or who but all he knew is that he would do absolutely anything to protect you from harm.
rafe hopped in his truck, put his key in and flew out of the parking lot and onto the road as fast as he could to get to you. he didnt care how many laws he broke or how fast he was going, you were the one thing that filled his mind and he couldn't think of anything else.
when rafe arrived to the chateau he immediately saw you, jumped out of his truck and ran to you as fast as he could. you were constantly talking to john b to keep him talking and make sure he was still with you from how bad he was beaten.
when you heard his footsteps you looked back to him as your tears fell from your lashline and down your cheek, creating a black streak from your mascara. "please h- help, topper, he -" you yelled to him, hyperventilating from your cries.
rafe came up beside you, standing over john b as you sat beside him trying to help in anyway you could. "fuuckk" rafe mumbled to himself just under his breath. examining what happened and seeing how badly hurt john b was, he crouched down next to you with a hand lining his mouth as he thinks about what to do next.
"help me carry em’ to the truck, aight?" he said softly, turning his head and looking at your pouty, sad face.. thats when he saw it; the marks on your neck. his face dropped, knowing that whoever was brave enough to do this to you knowing who you belonged to was a dead man in seconds and he demanded to know exactly who it was.
he brought his hand up to your neck, lining the area the marks laid on your neck with his fingers. "who the fuck do this to you?" he demanded harshly. no matter how hard you would try to defend whoever did this or hide their name from him, rafe would find out who every single time.
rafe couldn't bare to let someone who hurt you like this get away with it and he never did. when he asked you, you turned to him in fear, pouting. you gave him that sad look that told him everything he needed to know.
you saw rafe become tense when he realized who did it to you, "m’ gonna kill that m’fucker." he said with a raspy tone. as much as a dick topper could be, and how he treated you he deserved a lot of karma but there was no telling what rafe would do. "rafe, no." you said firm, "please just help me get john b outta’ here, yeah?" you pleaded of him with puppy dog eyes he just couldn't resist.
rafe rolled his eyes because he knew he wasnt going to do anything since you asked of him and he of course, could never resist anything you asked of him. "yeah yeah, lets get em’ up." he responded softly, his voice trailing off as he reached down to help get john b up. you placed one of john b's arms around your shoulder and his other arm was placed around around rafes shoulder.
you both helped him walk to the truck, laying him down in the backseat. john b moaned from the pain as his nose and head bled out. rafe closed the back door and followed you to the passenger side, opening the door to let you in and closing it for you.
rafe enjoyed knowing that you were safe, he could keep eyes on you whenever (as if he doesn't already), and it gave him comfort but he already knew now that he may not do anything bad to topper like he had planned, he was definitely going to leave a message for him.
as rafe walked around the truck to the driver side and hopped in, you said to john b, "just hang on, ’kay? we'll get you fixed up". rafe got out of there as fast as he could, once again, speeding and breaking laws but he didnt care because it was all for you which made it worth it.
rafe grabbed your hand in his and turned to admire your pretty face, "when we get home we'll take care of that neck, yeah?" he said to you with a smile as he swapped his vision back and forth between the road and you. you nodded to him, it made you so happy knowing that rafe loved caring for you like this.
140 notes · View notes