#my girl is studying to cope i tell u

[artsycooky13]

for just a moment, only two were left in that head

[sicknastie]

also on that note, did any of u actually have like. pale blogs about your cute little getting skinny journeys and wittle cutsies 🥺 what was that like.

[bdsmrist]

gonna get a bit personal here, but as an actor it hurts me to see how ppl misinterpret a character as layered and nuanced as kim

now u might be wondering: girl wtf does being an actor have to do w lieutenant kitsuragi. well, i believe it to be the case that actors are storytellers. its our job to write in our characters studies what isnt in the script, to fill in the gaps, and portray that to the best of our abilities.

while in school, my professor’s always emphasized that as an actor, 100% of the time its more interesting when your characters motivations are rooted in love, rather than resentment. and i feel like too often i see ppl understand kim’s motivations be fueled by a desire to reject, protect himself, and detach himself from a world he resents.

now; thats not to say that isn’t entirely true. after all it is what the canon tells us explicitly: that he gave up on moralism, religion, etc, because he again and again was disappointed by the reality of elysium. therefore, that must mean that from there on out kim was a lost soul, that when coming to contact with harry’s spark, it lit his ambitions once more

and yes, to an extent, thats true, but its not the whole truth. to imply otherwise is very derivative. one of the things that makes kim such a compelling character is how he never stopped loving the world around him, *before* meeting harry. and even tho he limits how much he allows himself to indulge in it, it still bleeds through the cracks. hence, when he meets harry, he pours his devotion into the case, and in turn, into harry, without even knowing the guy

would a detached character have the patience and compassion he has for harry on day one? absolutely not. the man is borderline coddling to harry despite it all. and you can hear it in the performance!

jullian champenois’ voice is characterized by its mellow, soothing quality. hes gentle about it! and the actor made that choice for a reason! kim is a gentle person! he stands his ground, he sets boundaries, keeps u in course, and is nothing of a pushover. but regardless, his temperament is calm and reassuring. thats his function as a literary device! to contrast harry’s self-hatred and self-loathing with compassion and understanding!

think about it: would a character thats insistent on being a cold wall, sit on the swing-sets with harry for the pure purpose of just being there so harry doesnt have to confront that alone? if kim only wanted to keep people at an arms length, would he insist you two to be the ones to break the news to working class woman about her husband when ur at her doorstep? he said it himself; the precinct couldve handled it fine.

if kims actions were rooted in resentment towards an unfair world, would he be an instrument of justice for the rcm in the first place? kim, who verbatim despises the cops who become cops so they can use policing as an ego outlet?

kim kitsuragi cares. he cares very deeply, and i believe that the walls around him are a result of kim attempting to keep himself *in*, rather than keep others *out*. kim keeps HIMSELF on a short leash, because he knows that otherwise he’d go all in, just like harry.

harry and kim are at the opposite ends of the same spectrum of people that are too passionate for a world that does not reward such earnestness. therefore, harry copes with addiction, and kim copes with restrictions. regardless. its all comes back to love.

[ayanominitrash]

🌹You, me, prom? JJK x Reader🌹

All I ever wanted was to go to prom!

Jjk characters asking you to be their prom date in case you've never been to one:

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

₊˚ ♡

Gojo - dramatic

💙 would bother everyone in his friend group for ideas or for their help orstracizing this event

💙 he'd probs gather a band and do something as cliche as a sing and dance in your school hallway

💙 he'd stayed up all night making the banner of 'will you marry me' full of rose petals stuck at the edge of the paper

💙 marriage? Like I said, dramatic.

💙 or would probably prank you, sending one of your close friends to tell you that he was badly injured cus he got jumped, only for him to pull out a single rose from his back pocket in the middle of your sobbing session when you were yelling for someone to call 911

💙 you almost said no cus of that prank

₊˚ ♡

Geto - in private, more intimate

🖤 he'd ask you at some type of usual hangout, he'd want you to be comfortable

🖤 like in the library, sliding a sticky paper to you with his elegant writing. It'd be in the middle of your quiet study session. You read: 'pretty girl, be my prom date?'

🖤 or maybe at the cafe you two would frequent, the question scribbled in the barista's scrawny penmanship all the while misspelling your name 💀

🖤 easy yes for you, the two of you would continue whatever you're doing after that, settling in a comfortable silence while holding hands

₊˚ ♡

Sukuna - blunt, casual

❤️ 'so, we on together for prom, right'? 💀

❤️ 'I'll pick you up by 6pm.'

❤️ honestly, you weren't sure if he was going to ask you at all so you were already thinking of a way to ask him first

❤️ 'are you asking me to prom? You know what? Fuck it, yeah.'

❤️ he'd probably drag you away from the venue to leave prom early and do something more to his liking, 'This shit's too cheesy.'

₊˚ ♡

Shoko - low key sweet, comedic

🤎 will probably give some type of pastries or chocolate with a short handwritten letter about all of her admiration for you and asking you to be her prom date. She'd read this letter out loud for you and kiss your cheek if you say yes.

🤎 if she was feelin' a little goofy, she'd probs ask you the question and have the words 'yes' and 'no' written in two separate cigarette sticks. She'd tell you to light the one that says your answer 💀

🤎 'Since you lit this one, you owe me a cigarette :))'

₊˚ ♡

Naoya - almost formal, a bit of an ass

🧡 prolly ask while eating dinner at his family home, just the two of you, your hand in his. "I'd like to be your date for prom."

🧡 Will immediately sigh in relief and let go of your hand as soon as you said yes. "Good. As you should. You're going to have to dress well if you're going to be seen out with me. You have the budget for a dress or…?"

🧡 he's spewing all this while you can see his hands trembling, trying to cover this nervous tick as he moves his utensils. He ain't slick. He's secretly as excited as you are.

🧡'we're going to match our outfits, of course.'

₊˚ ♡ - - - -

Bonus:

Mei Mei:

💜 I'll be your prom date - name your price.

💜 (I was gonna insert a joke bout u know what but it's best to stop myself here).

˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖

(❀❛ ֊ ❛„)♡ reblogs and comments are appreciated//do not repost my work anywhere

//

These are probs cliche's from the movies, sorry. The school I was going to during my Junior year didn't do proms :(( Which one from here is ur fave? Or how were you asked if you went to prom? Help me cope lol.

I'm thinking of opening asks, is that even a good idea cus I get frequent writing blocks,

[strongheartneteyam]

[ credits of the Neteyam pic go to @cinetrix ]

Champagne Problems

Part 5

Pairing: Neteyam Sully x female!human!reader

CW: reader sees neteyam with another girl and gets jealous, a lot of angst, a flashback that tells u more about reader's past and why she acts in such a distrustful way, reader tries to deny to herself that she has feelings for neteyam but she realizes she does like him, heartbroken reader, tense encounter between neteyam and reader, TRIGGER WARNING for family issues, parental verbal abuse, mentions of death of a family member, mourning, studying too much as a coping mechanism, allusions of possible alcoholism, low self steem, isolating as a coping mechanism. Tell me if I'm missing anything!

Hi, loves! I don't have time to fully proofread this chapter rn so I hope things are alright lol In this chapter you guys will hopefully understand why reader is so fucked up in the head and follows her trust issues like they are the voice of truth 🥲 Have patience with my poor girl, I promise she's a bit insane but she's good. Anyways, hope y'all like this chapter! I love all of you and as always, I'll say THANK U SO MUCH for all the love and support I receive from you guys everyday. Means the world to me and makes me feel loved 🥺🤌🏻🥲💕 Comments will be incredibly appreciated by me so feel free to leave me some feedback down below!! <3

Slightly proofread.

Part 4 : Now she got your heart so I feel stupid, foolish, afraid

𓇼

Hit me like a shot in the heart

Never shoulda played you so hard

Guess I played myself, that's my fault

I don't even know how to think

'Cause now she got your heart so I feel stupid, foolish, afraid

I'm losing everything I thought I couldn't

My whole world is falling apart

I DO (G-IDLE)

𓇼

You had just gotten back from a long talk and an awesome breakfast with Adeline and Kate - no Pandoran food this time, you guys had already eaten way too much alien food the night before at the Metkayina beach party, and now, all you guys wanted to help with the hangover was burgers and coke and that's what the three of you ate. Some good human food was always great to remind a scientist living on an alien Planet of their humanity. 

You were hanging out in Tsireya's and Lo'ak's marui. It was getting near noon and you had been talking to Tsireya for a good amount of time, while Lo'ak was out fishing with Rotxo and Ao'nung. You wondered if they were gonna pick up a stupid fight with each other over something small and stupid, like who got a fish first. Lo'ak and Ao'nung had become friends with time but they would always be a little bit of frenemies too. You thought that was incredibly idiotic but still funny as hell.

You said goodbye to Tsireya and thanked her for the yellow flower she had adorned your hair with. She was a sweetheart, so kind, always doing things for other people. You really liked that alien girl's company. You could connect to each other really well even if the both of you were from completely different species. She was one of your good friends and one of the few people in the world you trusted because you were always one to read people well and you could see Tsireya's smiles and good deeds were not just a facade to seem like a perfect girl and make people love and admire her. Even though she seemed too perfect, too good, she was truly what she seemed to be. Not perfect, because nobody is, but truly a good girl. She was full of kindness and a need to help others had been planted deep inside her right before she was born (by Eywa, if you were to talk like Kiri did) and she would always follow that call. Tsireya was an open book and you liked that. Those kinds of people are easy to trust.

You stepped out of the door, hungry, feeling your stomach hurt. Starving would be a better way to describe it.

The wind was gentle and it had a higher temperature to it than it had early in the morning, back when Neteyam held you in his arms. That thought sent a shiver down your spine and made your heart start to beat faster and hurt, simultaneously, but you did your best to send that thought the farther it could go. 

The sun was shining really bright in the Pandoran sky, not many clouds around to make the temperature a little less hot. You felt a little stream of sweat dripping down your forehead and used the back of your hand to quickly dry it.

You were heading over to the marui that you, Adeline and Kate were sharing. You wondered if they knew what you guys were gonna eat for lunch. You needed food more than you needed air at that moment. You all worked as scientists and were the humans that were called "loyal to the na'vi". The three of you were in Awa'atlu because of the party - the Metkayina were famous among the na'vi and the humans for throwing unforgettable beach parties - and would stay for a little more time because traveling that far just to go back the next day made no sense at all. You and the girls would soon be heading back to Hell's Gate.

You walked through the Metkayina beach with your head down, looking at your feet getting covered by the tiny grains of sand. Once you looked up, you saw Neteyam talking to Munì. She was joyfully laughing at something he was saying but you couldn't hear what it was, since you were a good amount of meters away from them. You felt a stabbing feeling creeping up on you. Jealousy.

Damn. It could not be real. You could not be feeling jealous of Neteyam. That feeling was bad news. You could not be that attached. Fuck, no!! You were the one who dumped him, dammit. He was now moving on. Great for him. Why the hell did you even care? "I gotta stop being stupid" you thought to yourself. But your heart just would not stop hurting.

Munì was gorgeous and she treated Neteyam so nicely. The girl seemed to be head over heels for him. But again, it was not hard to see a girl acting like that when around Neteyam. One time you had heard Lo'ak saying that he was like a flame and the girls - na'vi or human - were like a Pandoran winged insect that loved light, be it coming from bioluminescent plants or from fire. Those extraterrestrial insects behaved in a similar way to how an insect called moth that used to live on Earth but was, unfortunately, extinct behaved.

Munì truly seemed to be a nice girl. She was na'vi, too. Of course she would be better for Neteyam than you could ever try to be. Neteyam was right to finally give her his attention. You would never be good enough for him and you knew it. If you had accepted being his mate, soon enough he would see how broken and messed up you truly were and he would fall out of love.

As you looked away as fast as you could, pretending you saw nothing, and kept walking towards the place where your girlfriends would be waiting for you, you had one of those weird moments where you seemed to be taken back to the past. It was so insanely uncomfortable but you never seemed to be able to control your own brain and keep yourself safe and sound at the present. You would always go down that same bitter path of painful memories. 

After your little sister died in a car accident, everything changed. You saw no reason to stay on Earth anymore. The only family you had that you felt actually cared for you and you could connect with was gone. The pain felt unbearable, like it tore your chest apart everytime you remembered you would never be able to hug Tracy again. That's when you made up your mind for real: your major would be Exoscience.

"Why would you go to that Planet?! It's dangerous, (y/n)!"

"Oh really, father? And staying here on Earth is really safe, right? A dying Planet! I am a scientist, I've been studying for it for years and I told you and mother I was gonna go to Pandora one day to study the Planet and help the na'vi. Did you think I was just kidding?!"

"So you're just gonna abandon your family to go help some stupid aliens and never come back? Is that it?"

"Yes, father. That's exactly it! There's nothing for me here. You and mother have abandoned me a long time ago. Just because you're still around it doesn't mean you're actually there for me. You're blind if you can't see it."

"You fucking ungrateful girl!" Your father screamed at you, which made you flinch "Just go then. Let's see how long you're gonna survive there, all alone. Just wait until those aliens decide to turn against you. You can't trust them. You're never gonna be an equal in their eyes. You're always gonna be human, an enemy. You'll never be safe in Pandora as you're safe here on Earth. But it's your choice. You're a grown up as you always say, right?!" He smirked "Go follow your dreams, daughter. But don't try and ask us for help when you see that those dreams turned into nightmares."

"I'm not gonna be alone there. Adeline and Kate are going too." You said confidently 

"Friends are not family." Your father harshly stated as he looked at you in disappointment seasoned with a little bit of disdain

Everytime you remembered how your parents would treat you back on Earth you would feel like someone was squeezing your heart hard, trying mercilessly to make it explode inside their hands.

Their cruel words taught you that you had to learn how to face the world completely on your own, you couldn't count on anyone and you certainly should not trust anyone easily. You trusted your parents when you were a kid and they told you they loved you and that they would always be there for you but as soon as you dared to make a decision on your own, going against the plan they had for your life, which was to stay on Earth and go to medical school, they abandoned you. Though you never wanted that for you, it seemed like your parents didn't love you for who you were, they only loved the version of you they created in their minds, the good daughter who would always obey her parents, even after she was an adult, the good girl who would always behave like everybody wanted her to, who would never even dare to dress in a "weird way" that would bring too much attention to herself because "what about what people will comment?" like your mother used to say.

You got so fed up with all of it that you just decided to study as hard as you could so you could get away from that Planet and be a great scientist. You had always felt drawn to the stars and the moon, ever since you were a child. Maybe that was the way the Universe found of letting you know that there was much more to see and experience than what's on the planet you had been born in. You decided you shall go nearer the stars you could watch from Earth, like the ones in the constellation known as The Archer.

You studied your ass off, didn't have much time for friendships, parties or leisure but you got what you wanted. Not without the help of half a bottle of wine everyday at 4 am, though. When you finally finished studying everything you needed to retain information about and would finally, that late in the am, try to relax and be able to fall asleep, the alcohol truly helped. It seemed to soothe you from the inside. It was calming and familiar.

You did regret pushing people away because all you focused on was your studies, though. You realized too late that the people you love - and love you back in a healthy way, not a toxic one - should come before your career. But crying over the milk that was spilled wouldn't fix anything. You can't go back in time but you can try and do better in the present and that's what you made a big effort to do nowadays. Now, you and your small group of close friends were inseparable and you were always there for your girls, like Adeline, for example. She earned your trust. She was your childhood friend and contrary to what your own family did, she never abandoned you.

Chosen family… you wholeheartedly believed in that concept.

𓇼

Later, when it was afternoon and you were hanging out with your na'vi friends - Tsireya, Rotxo, Ao'nung and Kiri - you realized Neteyam was walking towards the rocks you all were sitting at. He was talking to Lo'ak, the two brothers laughing about something. Neteyam seemed too distracted to notice you but when he realized you were there and everybody saw the way both of you tensed up at the sight of each other, the atmosphere around the friend group got filled with a bad energy. Nobody knew how to act.

Yeah, it wasn't just a saying. News truly travel at the speed of light in Pandora.

How the hell did they find out about the fact that you and Neteyam had hooked up? Did anyone see the both of you together and spread the word around?

You wondered if you would lose your friends because of what you did to Neteyam. You already felt like shit and couldn't stop thinking about how stupid you had been… you did not want to lose your friends too. You knew you had lost the chance to have a great guy be your partner.

At least you would still have your human girl friends. But you would miss your Metkayina friends, of course…

God, getting attached always got you in trouble! But you couldn't help it when it came to the na'vi. They were much more loyal than the humans, so, you trusted them easier. It was easier to make friends with an alien race than with your own race. What a joke that seemed to be.

𓇼

Taglist:

@iman-lu

@leaveitbythewave

@creepytoes88

@live-laugh-neteyam

@swaggygurlbae

@neteluvr

@layla2-49

@a-blog-name-2003

@lala-1516

@jakesullyfatjuicypeen

@yeosxxx

@iaratezaewa

[doukeshi-kun]

a promise is a promise

daddy's home 😘

🌃-anon here ^^ hooray!!

okay okay phew it's been so long i forgot how to write anon ask but, a comeback is desperately needed to save the day. I'm here to talk about professor!nikolai agenda. your girl started uni and i need to cope.

while collegestudent!nikolai has been eating my brain like crazy, professor!nikolai is as needed. i might hit you up with college student nikolai someday tho cuz my classmates are all weird and i need that daily dose of delusion that someday, i'll meet a student as awesome and as fun as nikolai is in my head

little disclaimer to anyone reading this: dark content ahead. we dont do any of that irl it's just fiction, so if you're sensitive to prof x student shit keep scrolling. i say reader is 20-ish and papi nikolai is pushing 30 😁

random prof!nikolai headcanons ahead 🗣️

prof kolya is definitely one of the cool teachers on campus yk? the type that's loved by all of the students because of how laid back he is and how much he doesn't give a shit yk??? like "prof we didn't study for the test tomorrow can we postpone it?" "we will. i havent put the text either" 💀 that type you know?

BUT simultaneously, he can also be really strict depending on the context yk? while he's chill, he can't tolerate disrespect like, not at all. he jokes around with his students but with limits and boundaries.

clothes-wise i feel like he dresses super well 🤔 as opposed to headcanons I've seen, i dont think he dresses weird or in an eccentric way like canon nikolai is, he wears casual clothes :3 fashionable? yes. but nothing weird. he's tall, broad with really unique features (i imagine nikolai with one of them typical european noses and plump looking lips. this part is totally up to you tho)

prof kolya was a really unproblematic physics professor (yk in canon he has teleportation abilities so uh) that is until y/n took a course with him,

we're met with two cases: y/n is calm and quiet in class, y/n puts herself out there. now let's be for real, teachers love good students so the higher the grades the better the sex more you'll get attention from him (god imagine nikolai praising you😮‍💨)

now if you're quiet- OMG since he gets along well with students i feel like he'll openly joke around with students except for you (if you're quiet) he'll just talk with you in a low voice (btw i imagine classes like, small classes not amphitheaters or any of that) let me elaborate: you're in class yk he's explaining quantum physics or some shit and occasionally interacting with his students. his gaze falls on you once he's standing right in front of your desk and lets a small question slide like "is it ok?" "do you get it?" or flashing you a small smile or so 🤭 he's not mocking you or anything he's being genuine (for once) bc you're openly his favorite

and by that, and as someone who's a favorite for nearly all my professors so far the privileges i get isnt anything like grades or whatever but more like validation? im a good student i dont need their crusty dusty extra credits. one of the privileges i get is for example, during exams, the prof tells me "so, [name], we're scoring an A+ in this test too?" yk and it's genuine so nikolai i that type too.

(i leave anything sexual or suggestive for you to develop bc im really bad and awkward at that)

conclusion: he shamelessly favorites you in front of other students.

though you two would become a thing faster if reader is on the more loud type in his class: always participating, asking questions, joking around maybe.... i feel like when you have a question thats a little long to explain, he'd ask u to come to his office and what happens there is up to your imagination dear bean

will quickly become your number one emotional support throughout college 🥱 imagine not doing well in the exam and you go to his office to talk to him about it and he comforts you by [redacted]

anyways i could go on and ramble forever. i'd love to hear your dirty thoughts on this nikolai au :3 what i wrote is hella long and messy but we're mere disciples beanie, you're the writer here hehe

as usual, have a good/day night!!

I REALLY LOVE YOU SO MUCH *sloppily kissing slop slop*

first of all, yeeee goodluck with college and don't die bcs i almost did 😎👉 and secondly, no let's NOT get nikolai pushing 30s. HE IS 35 ATLEAST IDC HAHAHA im gonna reply to each one headcanon bcs you deserve it girlie 💋✨

yes! he totally gives me the vibe to be laid-back at his work. he's so gonna do something like that lmao. also, despite his laid-back persona and he's always like “ehh~ just answer this easy ass quiz and i'll take it as your assignment mark”, i do think he does his job greatly. there's a time where he needs to get things done and while it doesn't seem like he's doing shit, he actually GETS. SHIT. DONE. that's why he isn't fucking fired 💀

strict prof. nikolai.... ugh *spreads legs*😝 i agree. he does have limit and i feel like he wouldn't scold people or raise his voice but certainly when he's being colder and quieter, oooh you fucked up big time

i do think he wears classic style to go to classes! i'm thinking... dark academia. and yes, he's tall and broad and so big✨ i feel like it also depends on the subject. if prof nikolai is teaching theatre or drama... those kind of things, he will wear something maximalist, if that makes sense? imagine a mad hatter-themed suit but formal. unfortunately, i can't draw for life.

physics professor hmmmm why don't he come here and expand the space of my quantum pussy😏😏

i can imagine raaaaaaa :barkbarkbark: him praising you in front of the whole class because you got quite high marks for physics ahakss😝

HMMMMMMM SOFTY :feral: i can't fucking breathe😩 yes he'd totally be loud to those who are loud with him but if you're quiet and serene, he'll be soft as fuck rrrrrrrrr imagine him noticing you not understanding something and he takes the initiative to come to your desk, teach you with the softest (yet deep) voice ever. NOT MOCKING ME TOO? woah what a green flag 💚

lmfao i can totally relate with you😭 honestly, validation is too pressuring, stressing and overwhelming for me. i hate when teachers are like “so, elie, you can score A for this right?” bih i just barely got the B-grade fym (burnt-out gifted kid be like;). anyway, i'm half-half on this. but i do think if he makes such comments, and he notices you aren't uncomfortable, he wouldn't go put his way to directly say that. maybe he just makes comment that implies he does have certain expectations on you

(i'll develop the sexual things myself *takes off his pants and develop his wood*)

conclusion: he becomes my favourite subject😝❤️

i'm honestly thinking that he prefers it if you are an active student. idk, for me, nikolai (in general) likes challenges and fun. so if you're actively questioning this or that, he'd take interest in you really quick. also, i will invite myself into his office tyvm

definitely get emotional. lmao imagine ranting about other professors with him and he just supports you

well my dirty thought is that he becomes my private tutor. HA HOW BOUT THAT HUHHH but in all honesty, i love the thought of him riling and teasing you instead of yk, playing favourite and get you alone in his office. he likes edging people and he'd surely likes it if you tease him back too ayy papi😝

[sportswriters]

i think he knows - u. simón

pairing: unai simón x female!reader | f | mutual pining | wc: 2,610 | warnings: none | note: they got history together hehe

“didn't you study together?”

ilse’s loud voice allowed me to fully understand the question she had asked. i followed her finger with my eyes, trying to figure out who she was pointing at, until i saw the little yellow dot in the shape of a person in spain's penalty area.

“ah,” i reflected for a moment, facing the crowd of people shouting around me. football made people behave strangely. “yeah.”

she’d pointed to unai simón, the starting goalkeeper for the spanish national team at the world cup.

“how do you know that?” i asked, curious.

i had never told her about simón. ilse and i became friends after i finished high school, when i managed to do a one-year exchange in costa rica. she was a very outgoing native who adopted me as her friend for the rest of my stay and even when i left a year and a half later, we were still friends.

i couldn’t decide whether or not it was depressing to reveal that she was the only friend i’d ever had. being a nerd at school didn’t open doors for me in terms of lasting friendships, but it did bring me many academic and professional opportunities. even though ilse was the daughter of the leader of the medical team and was following the world cup so closely because of him, i was there on business. her father was my boss and i was part of the medical team for the costa rican national team.

“i snooped through your yearbook,” ilse confessed, nudging my arm and then discreetly pointing to simón grabbing the ball again. she didn’t even seem upset that her team was losing 7-0. “he’s very handsome. do you think he remembers you?”

simón once found me dirty with paint; a group of stupid boys were playing a prank on the group of people they called nerds and as i passed the door to the chemistry lab, a rope was pulled and a bucket of colored paint fell on my head. i was annoyed enough to realize that i couldn't cope with a bunch of dumbasses, so i turned to leave and bumped into simón. i soiled his shirt and didn't say anything.

another time, at an ice-skating event on the school playground, i decided to risk skating, which was a bad idea. i only realized it when i slipped on the ice, fell backwards onto the ground and took him with me. all of our encounters were imminent disasters, always resulting in my complete humiliation. i remembered him.

“i don’t think so,” i replied, keeping the humiliating memories to myself. “he was quite popular.”

and, as the ridiculous tradition dictated, guys like him didn’t look at girls like me. i was always studying, stuck in the library, spending time in the biology lab, while all he had to do was be handsome and join the school football team. two completely opposite people who never stopped to say anything more that their own names. i really didn’t think he remembered me, but was pathetic enough to have never forgotten the crush i had on him.

i thought i would never see him again… until i found out that he had become the official goalkeeper of the spanish national team and had been signed by a spanish club. now, i was surrounded by his image. just like now.

“wow, that sucks!” ilse muttered as the referee blew the whistle, ending the game. “can i swear at your country?”

she looked at me expectantly. i laughed and shook my head, hitting her arm with a weak knuckle, while the coaching staff and the team’s reserve players dispersed around us.

“just a little bit,”i replied.

ilse began a session of cursing in her mother tongue and with the ugly looks she threw at every spanish player on the pitch, anyone could tell what she meant. suddenly, ilse softened her expression and turned her face towards me, smiling.

“no one will curse you more than me for cheering for the rival team,” she said.

“i was born in spain,” i retorted, as if that was enough of an argument. “and you don’t know if i supported them.”

ilse gave me a look, as if she knew i did. i made a disgusted face, not at all guilty for wishing spain would play well in their opening game, even though i sympathized with the boys from the team that had given me a job.

“what?!” my best friend exclaimed. “with a goalkeeper like that, even i was cheering! and you went to school together!”

i realized that she wouldn’t leave me alone with that fact. it was only the team’s first match day in the group stage, which meant that i would still be in the same atmosphere as my former schoolmate and that ilse wouldn’t miss the opportunity to talk about him whenever she could.

“you should go and talk to the boys,” i suggested.

she let out a dramatic sigh, but went along with my suggestion. my best friend turned her back on me and i watched as she talked to some of the players, saying words that i couldn’t hear because i was kind of far away. standing there was making me restless, so i joined the others and checked that everything was okay with the first team of players who had played today. they had lost seven to nothing to spain, a bad start for a world cup opener, but apart from emotionally, physically they were perfectly fine.

i noticed that the stadium was emptying, the pitch occupied only by the players, the coaching staff and the media team. the boys started exchanging polite greetings with the spanish players and i handed out water to some of them, i could feel ilse’s gaze on me the whole time. when i stared back, standing in the midfield, she gave me a silent look, pointing with her head at me, but i didn’t understand what she meant.

i threw a bottle to navas, who caught it masterfully and gave me a thumbs-up and a grateful smile. ilse kept shaking her head and i was about to turn around and ignore her when my body slammed into someone. as i turned, simón was right in front of me.

he was sweaty, still wearing his uniform, but without the gloves on his hands. the spain goalkeeper — and my former crush from my teenage years — raised his face towards me, a smile on his lips. then i understood ilse’s signals.

“sorry,” he mumbled in english. “i didn't see you there.”

i swallowed, feeling the sweat in my hands. for a moment, i felt like i was in high school again, where i bumped into him most of he time during a humiliating situation, but things were different now.

“it’s okay,” i replied, barely noticing that i had used my mother tongue to communicate, which gave me away. “it was my fault.”

unai simón narrowed his eyes at me.

“you speak spanish?”

i pursed my lips and shrugged.

“yes”, i agreed. “i work with the costa rican team, but… i’m spanish.”

he looked confused for a moment. his brow furrowed and his smile grew until his expression softened in total recognition.

“y/n?”

my heart skipped a beat. hearing him say my name had paralyzed my body. even when we studied together, i don’t think i ever saw him call me by my first name or even refer to me, although he was never cruel or anything like that just because he was popular, in fact, simón was always kind. he took me home covered with paint, not caring if i got his car dirty. he took me to the infirmary during my ice-skating accident. he removed all the offensive stickers that had been placed on my locker door.

“yeah, that’s me.”

surprisingly, the smile on his face widened even more. i rubbed my hands on the cloth of my pants, not knowing what to do with them, since i had handed over all the water bottles and wasn't holding anything else to occupy me.

“i think you know who i am, since you didn’t ask,” he said, scratching the back of his neck, his mile diminishing, but not completely. his beard gave him an even younger look and i wondered how he had become so handsome in just a few years. “i mean, i know you know who i am, i meant…”

“i remember you, simón,” i interrupted, explaining. “i’m just surprised you remembered me.”

he looked around quickly, but no one was paying attention to us. i took advantage of those seconds of distraction to keep noticing how handsome, charming and, as ilse would love to point out if she were with me now, how hot he was.

“i hope i’ve never been a jerk to you for you to think that,” he said, distracting me with the movements of his hand running quickly through his beard. “but the comical situations we always found ourselves in made you stand out.”

i snorted, realizing only now that we were communicating in our mother tongue and not in english.

“humiliating situations, you mean,” i corrected.

waston walked past me and we exchanged a quick high-five before he headed straight for the dugout.

“no,” simón disagreed with me. “besides, you saved me.”

i blinked at him, trying to understand what he meant. i saved you? there was nothing in my memory about that.

“you must be confusing me with someone else,” i said, moistening my lips, a little puzzled.

“no, y/n, i’m not,” the goalkeeper hastened to reply. “the swimming championship, do you remember?”

once a year, the school held a sports championship for the students to take part in and compete against teams from other schools. i never took part in anything, except as a spectator, but once, in the swimming championship, the members of the football team got into a fight with the rival team and simón was pushed into the pool.

he couldn’t swim and the pool was too deep, so on impulse i threw myself into the water and pulled him out. as soon as i got him out of the pool, my blood pressure dropped and i fainted, practically forgetting about it. i knew i had saved someone from drowning, but i didn’t know it was him.

“i didn’t remember it was you,” i confessed.

damn.

a revelation at this point of my life changed my perspective a little. he never talked to me afterwards, so i was never going to remember anything if it wasn’t said now.

“i’m sorry i never thanked you enough for that,” he said, seeming to read my mind. “but i’m glad i found you here now. i can thank you and dedicate our victory to you. i wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t saved me.”

i smiled, because i didn’t know what to say. my pulse quickened and i took a deep breath, recovering from the vast sea of emotions that was consuming me in that unexpected meeting.

“you’re welcome, simón,” i murmured. “but you’re here on your own merits. may ilse never hear me, but i was rooting for you.”

he laughed, the sound sending a shiver down the back of my neck.

“wait a minute, did you say you work for the costa rican national team?”, he returned to the subject, only just realizing the information. “what? didn’t your country have a vacancy in the area?”

this time i laughed, shaking my head.

“it’s not that,” i explained. “i did an exchange program in costa rica and met some people. one of these people is the daughter of the head of the national team’s medical team, so i did an interview and was called up.”

only now did he seem to notice the FIFA badge around my neck, announcing my name and role: orthopedic doctor.

“you’re on the wrong team, l/n.”

i laughed again, shrugging.

“don’t worry, player,” i murmured, with a smile. “i intend to go back to spain.”

his eyes looked at me in a new way, a smile wandering on his lips. the world around us seemed to disappear for a moment and i felt nervous in his presence, but not for the wrong reasons. it was just the realization that he still had an effect on me, even after so many years.

“when you get back, pay me a visit.”

unable to say anything, i just nodded positively, sealing a silent promise that i didn’t even know if i would keep.

“and if you need a better job, please come and join your team,” he added.

spain was my home and i knew some of the players in the spanish national team, but wasn’t sure if they could be my team, as simón was keen to stress. in any case, i had liked the feeling the phrase had given me, so i didn’t turn down the invitation straight away.

“i wish you’d noticed me before,” i said, a little absent-mindedly, but it was too late to turn back now.

i mentally cursed myself for letting it slip, simón looking at me with genuine surprise before moving a little closer to me.

“i’ve always noticed you, y/n,” he confessed.

the feeling of butterflies in my stomach overwhelmed me. it seemed that teenage sensations never ceased to be part of us, even in adulthood. he had been my first crush and, as far as i could tell, he still was. i was about to say something, anything, but we were interrupted.

“hi, y/n!” gavi appeared, smiling at me.

i blinked, turning my attention from the goalkeeper to the youngest player in the team and smiled. i had met gavi during my time at barcelona, when i had to take part in a training session and replace the orthopedist for a season.

“hi, gavi,” i returned the greeting. “you look bigger than last time.”

he laughed and hugged me quickly, knowing that i didn’t care that he was sweaty.

“do you know each other?” simón asked, confused.

“yeah, she was our doctor for a while at barcelona,” gavi explained. “anyway, sorry about that, y/n, but i need to steal our goalkeeper for a minute,” he continued, turning to simón. “they’re calling for a team photo.”

simón nodded in agreement and gavi said a quick goodbye, leaving us alone again.

“am i going to see you again?” he asked.

i didn’t know that answer, but i wanted to be positive about it.

“i hope so,” i replied. “gavi has my number.”

he shook his head slowly, looking thoughtful.

“if our team lifts the cup, i’ll dedicate it to you,” he said, breaking the distance between us. “it was great to see you, y/n.”

simón took his time kissing my left cheek and i barely noticed that i was holding my breath as he approached. his beard brushed against my skin, sending shivers down my spine, and i saw his smile as he pulled away and turned his back on me.

i let the air out of my mouth and swallowed, feeling sorry for my poor heart, which was beating faster than anything. my eyes watched him walk away, analyzing his every move and interaction with his colleagues. when he looked at me from afar, catching me still staring at him, i accepted my defeat.

there could be no doubt that my teenage crush on him had been with me all my life until that moment and i wondered if he knew that.

actually, i think he knows.

i think he’s always known.

[tarysu]

REQUEST TIME !! can i pls request a university tachi? what major would he be, what would his hobbies be, how does he meet reader? etc

THANK U SM FEEL FREE TO IGNORE AND REMEMBER TO DRINK LOTS OF WATER I HOPE U HAVE A GREAT DAY EVERY DAY

<Babi i love you smmsmmssm I WILL HYDRATE MYSELF TO THE POINT I DISSOLVE INTO WATER, I've been away and off from tumblr since I'm pretty crazy and rotting in bed (school holidays is getting to me really hard). BUT BUT LET ME WRITE YOU THIS SAHHAHDUAUSD. Small reminder that I'm NOT a university student myself, as you can see I'm pretty young a still a teen girl so I have no knowledge abt uni majors (I pre-prepared majors for my future so I think I have a thought or two on how tachi would work in Uni) ANWAYSYYY SRUMDELI YUM YUM YUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!> 𝐔𝐍𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐈𝐓𝐘 𝐅𝐈𝐄𝐒𝐂𝐀 !! | 𝐓𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀 𝐗 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑 (𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒)

✦ ─ ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ ─ ✦ ✦ Michizou would most likely be doing criminology (I can vision him studying crime, courses like psychology and law) OR a stem major (his ability could be proven useful, Mechanical Engineering would suit him a lot!!! I mean this guy would be establishing some cool machineries). ✦ I'd say Michi would be a well organised university student, given how he can balance his military identity between his Mafia persona. I'd say he'd cope with his schedule (rip all the other students dying of no sleep.) ✦ Tachihara doesn't get regular sleep (not that he gets less sleep just...not a regular sleeping schedule), but I'm 100% sure he's alright. He'd sometimes nap randomly, bro would nap at the most random time anyways LOL. ✦ What extra curriculums he'd do in Uni? BRO WHEN I TELL YOU HE DOES SPORTS FOR SURE!! Basketball in particular. He'd be the star of the show, with his good build and pretty feisty look. Girls on the basketball stadiums would be head over heels. What can I say? He's a popular fucker amongst his peers. I'm positive he is someones hallway crush on the first year of Uni. (definitely the readers.) ✦ He's talkative, always blabbering about dumb shit or shitty jokes. He laughs before he could say the joke, he starts getting an aneurysm on the spot for laughing so hard. ✦ What does he do in his extra time? Hangout with his mates or fuck around a lot in game lobbies. He would be spending hours and hours grinding for a fortnite skin or honestly just pay 2 win (bro bought the whole jjk skins on fortinite). ✦ Michizou takes studying pretty fucking seriously, he failed countless times in his junior years during highschool. He only took his grades seriously once life was hitting a little TOO hard. ✦ Tachihara wasn't interested in any romantic relationships, not until he gets a stable job and house in future. He just wasn't ready for that kind of commitment and he stuck to that style until he met you. ✦ He's friends with all kinds of people and would honestly vibe with all of them, his social battery can get drained pretty easily. ✦ You were doing a medical course and hardly had any rest (I mean any medical majors in my opinion are pretty hard from my perspective). You and Tachi tend to study together, though both of you have different courses. ✦ You two actually knew each other back in highschool. Though you've never TALKED until a certain event in uni. (a small disaster I'll write a fan fic abt it) ✦ You two go on dates once in a blue moon, given how passionate you are about being a doctor (or nurse, you're a pretty tired person.). ✦ Sometimes Michizou would find you cheering the loudest amongst the girls when he plays on the basketball field. (You're definitely the number 1 cheer girl) ✦ After winning the game, he'd run over to you. Cool sweat trickling down his face. He'd hug you and give you multiple of kisses, you'd also give that in return. ✦ EXTRA : Tachihara would always let you stay the night (or two) over in his dorm whenever you have fights with your parents. You live with your parents but sometimes they could really get on her nerves. You'd usually come over frustrated with tears, but hey!! he'd pamper you, coop you up on the couch and just kiss those silly tears away

[thundersyst3m]

long rambling and ask

sometimes i question whether or not i have ossdd/did considering i tick a worryingly amount of boxes (scorew 88/100 in a clinic self screening test) but I don't have the talent of being able to put specific words and names to those parts of my psyche. apparently i used to have a system but i was also in a chunibyou phase of my life - even if dissecting my different clashing personalities into boxes helped me to cope and survive. even if it seemed like an occult fantasy. i wonder how i could experiment my identity as a system considering i feel like there are multiple me nowadays, even if i "fused" before, when i stopped partaking in this sort of roleplaying. so here are the current me's

there's me, the model student who gets nice grades and studies at home

there's me, the mute athlete and stranger who doesn't speak to strangers ever since he got too overwhelmed with his internship

there's me, the outgoing part timer who works hard to keep a smile to customers, has sass and is enjoyed by his co-workers

there's me, the girl loved by her parents but hides painful secrets

there's me, the man who wants to play video games and be nerdy but still wants to dress in cute clothes

and sometimes where i change the me's, i forget what happened. im terrible with recalling things and i tend to talk to myself to pep myself up, or imagine my comfort character comforting and hugging me.

im aware you're just a Tumblr user and not a licensed therapist, but what do you think about it, as a system?

Well there's many things it could be, it could be just being multi-faceted with other things that can cause horrible memory issues, but it can also be a osdd system! As u said i'm not really a therapist and also i am not you or know you, so it's uneasy for me to tell you what you are, you know? If i were you, i would do some more research, and really look at the experiences of systems, and then do the self-dx based on that, self-dx is valid as long as you do your extensive research and don't exclude yourself from recovery, go for it! :3

[opendoordiary]

Another day another me making this post in browser. I hope all is well with everyone. I hold so much in my memories with me everyday and for that I am thankful.

I’m happy you used that to get a 3d printer. I hope it brings you joy everyday!

I’ve been doing my things. I’m never home much anymore. I don’t plan to go home “home” much this semester either. It’s not bad there but it’s not really for me all of the time and that’s okay.

I feel like this semester I’m actually living out “college”. The never being home definitely plays into that a lot lol. My days are filled with connections from people and small little things that make me smile. I like it. I also like roomie a lot, we’re at the point where we shower with another in the bathroom lol. I missed having girl friends who I was close to like that. It’s really nice being able to come home and unpack the day with her or tell her about what this boys doing or what not. Cute girl shit. Hence the door decorated, I’m sure you’ve peeped. It’s the whitest white girl shit ever but it makes me so happy, we went out to buy stuff to decorate it together and every time I look at it it reminds me of how happy and giggly we both were to decorate more.

Classes are well. None of them are crazy hard except one, but the teacher calls on me for questions and likes me alot. He won’t anymore. I’m not lost compared to the other kids in there. He made us all sign contracts for the class and keeps pulling bs so I’m meeting w the chair to settle shit out. I don’t like getting disrespected on my dime and he’s very mean to a couple of my friends in there.

I’ve been very happy for a while now. Kinda like I’m at peace. I have so much happening everyday and I’m in love with it. Zoe and I are going on a walk and gonna read/journal there soon. I’m excited. We put on cute dresses. Cooking breakfast. Love it.

B turns his head away from me in public whenever I see him. He saw me with a guy the other day! But tbh I see him bring a lot of girls over frequently (good for him?? maybe?? hope ur well and not using it to cope w shit??) and heard he fucked up dying his hair. that made me giggle i wont even lie. we used to do it together and Id always wonder if he’d get another girl to do it if I wasn’t there and yes, you did, and even better, it came out orange!! You gotta tone it . You didn’t need to dye it dark again. Could’ve made it ash and still lighter

This new guys kinda like me. He’s graduating early. Has an almost 4.0, 4 internships, making more than I am rn, gonna make more than me after I graduate (hard to find lol? ), bomb ass music taste. he helps me with homework and puts me on track getting stuff done 2 weeks early and shit, I mean he has his calendar filled out until decemeber. He always smells so good too. He’s been cooking for me and like the other day I got out of class, he texted me a bit then called and asked where i was at. Home boy came picked me up so I didn’t have to walk ,fed me ,studied me up for tommorow and held me. what the helll. ur all put together and shit. 800 credit score. like dayumn. good parents. you’re funny too. guys never usually make me nervous . but holy fuck. looked you in the eyes too long at the library while you were asking me a question about my job, and I blanked. Completely just face red blanked. why are you so pretty, and I mean SHIT ITS MY JOB I LOVE TALKING ABOUT MY JOB LIKE PRETTY BOYYY LEMME RIZZ YOU UP TELL U ABOUT MY 0 TRUST ARCHETETURE SERVER AND MY INTERNS AND HOW I BOSS THEM ALL AROUND AND MY SERVERS LIKE UGHHHH

I never usually dump on here. This may be tmi. But I think you are looking to see this, enjoy it i guess?

[dark-mnjiro]

lee will u tell us about ur sinnersona ? (':

😭 I really want to talk more about her but I also don’t want to spoil a lot for my fic. If you don’t mind a few spoilers I’m happy to talk about her. I’ll put it under the cut for those who don’t want to be spoiled.

Basically she was a prostitute who was eventually murdered by a “costumer” who apparently didnt agree with her lifestyle and harmed her. Her mark of death is on her throat - she keeps it hidden often. Chokers to hide it from others. She was mixed up in all sorts of nonsense on Earth - lots of drinking to cope with a lot of her issues. A lot of self medicating to forget some of her more pressing trauma.

She left her family at a young age after her father abandoned her and her mom and siblings. She thought it would make things “easier” for them. Turns out - they disowned her after her profession was known.

After she was killed - she ended up in hell and continued the same party girl persona in order to keep herself from surrounding in awful emotions and feelings. She falls victim to Val’s words and allows herself to become employed by him. She takes a job in Hell as a stripper/pole dancer and quickly befriends Angeldust who “shows her the ropes”. She manages to keep her soul - refusing to sign any contract with Val so she’s able to make decisions on what she does as a dancer for the most part but that doesn’t come without consequences. He short changes her tips from her performances. He beats her, threatens her, etc.

One night - she is forced to give a lap dance (something she is not fond of because of wandering hands) to a “high end client” per Val.

It turns out this is Adam who was sent to Hell to “study” why sinners numbers were increasing at a rapid rate. He quickly makes her his “pet project” and keeps tabs on her every move - showing up at the same clubs she’s at, going through her phone and getting her number without consent… very garbage behavior that he thinks is A-OK.

It’s very hard for her to turn down the money that he is supplying her with - she’s able to pay her apartment (even catch up on rent), get food, clothes, even enjoy time out with her friends.

As for what Adam’s real intentions are with her - only he knows.

[heeliopheelia]

the truth is… even though my uni summer exams  ARE FUCKING STREESSING ME OUTTT GODDAMN…. the best part of me doing little breaks inbetween studying (stu is silent)  is going on tumblr.com  and seeing that user heeliopheelia posted new chapter #feelingblessed #maybelifeisnotthatbad 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

are mentally ill? and the answer is…. aren't we all? uhmm babe i dont know how to tell u this but no ? ( but also im here writing all of that 🥴🥴….so perhaps? i mean yeah u know what yes we are BUT NOT THAT SILLY thoo U NEED TO GET CHECKED GIRL) 

YES!! im also a private investigator working for fbi (stands for FUNNY BEAUTIFUL INTELIGENT duh🫡🫡) and “im not in love with heeseung” I CALL BULLSHIT my source?.... trust me bro

BROOOOO NOT THE MOM JOKES wow they are so cringe……… i said knowing DAMN WELL that i laughed like a silly goose 🫣🫣

not heeseung thinking twitter is a messaging app? hello?

“we got ourselves a comedian” god i love that meme  *taste u have taste ma'am

seung getting rejected……bro thats a fucking L brother…….jay tho... he is just like fr lmaooo OH YEAH YN IS TRIPPING EXTRA HARD THESE CHAPTERS ☠️☠️☠️

(platonic) husband is a rly cute contact name btw idk if i told u this before!!!!!!! ^^

their convo was so 3IWFRVDJFSDZXJRKDS FRUSTRATING wtfffff 😣 low key sad hours 🙁

whats hee’s cash app?? i can vemo him some $$$ CUZ YEAH samee bro fucking same

YES THANK U !!! THE NILE IS A RIVER IN EGYPT finally omg someone knows biology here i was losing hope (lololololo)

new sexuality unlocked bitches : 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

HIII!!!!!!!!!! today i cried 3 times( IM OKAY JUST OVERWHELMED!! no need to worry ) and this made me happy so happy, sweetheart <33 ahh this adventures are crazyyy, but so much fun !!!!!!!!!!!!! thank u ma’am xxxxxx - today only kisses cuz its hot af today am the temperature is making me idk im melting away <3 😘😘😘😘

OOF bestie I've finished my uni exams like two weeks ago so believe me I know how nerve wracking they can be 😭 But I'm so happy this little crazy smau of mine is helping you cope with this shit 🩷🤧

THE MOM JOKES JUST DON'T WANT TO LEAVE MY BRAIN I'M SORRY (they're unfortunately a part of my personality now) 😭🙏 Btw it took all of my strength not to make any more of these geography jokes so I'm glad you stepped up and did it for me LMFAO 🩷

AND NO MORE TEARS TODAY BABE 💅 MWAH MWAH 🩷🩷

Ps my advice for handling the exams

[all-this-panic-still-no-disco]

hey um this might be a silly question but I think I might have adhd but I’m not exactly sure

I researched some stuff and I have a lot of adhd symptoms but could you tell me some that u had when u first started suspecting that u had adhd/when u were first diagnosed?

of course!! i’d love to help. also funny thing: adhd symptoms are highly dependent on your biological sex. i am a woman, so my symptoms apply more to those who are biologically female. i’m linking in a helpful study below that goes over it in detail.

some symptoms i noticed was the ability to grasp some things (like picture logic puzzles) VERY quickly, but others took me longer than the regular kid. there was the usual symptoms, like forgetting things and missing what was happening right in front of me. also, the ability to daydream extensively. i’m talking block out the entire world and not hear someone calling my name. physical hyperactivity wasn’t as big for me, but mental hyperactivity? i couldn’t focus on one thing for more than half an hour before it wasn’t interesting anymore. on the other hand, i’d get hyperfixations where i’d focus on one very very specific thing for six hours straight (like an art project or a book) and i would be so engrossed i’d forget to pee lol.

but you should know my symptoms aren’t everyone’s. if you don’t have mine, it doesn’t mean you don’t have adhd. i’d talk to your parents if you’re a minor or go to a doctor or maybe a school counselor. adhd diagnosing is much better nowadays then it used to be; my mom had to fight arm and leg to get me a diagnosis and learning accommodations. the most important thing is don’t give up!!! there are ways to cope and coach yourself in the meantime. medication helped me a lot, though it doesn’t do that for everyone. if you’re looking for a natural alternative to adderall or other adhd meds, try caffeine or natural stimulants.

(the science behind adhd is actually that our brain cells are chronically under stimulated and we jump from interest to interest because it gives us more dopamine/seratonin, but we also get bored quickly because the seratonin doesn’t last. there’s more effects than that, but that’s where the majority of symptoms stem from—lack of happy brain juice. sugar and caffeine are natural stimulants and give the brain happy juice. before i was diagnosed i had a huge sweet tooth because i was accidentally self medicating through sugar, as it gave me dopamine that my brain was sorely lacking which felt good so i kept eating sugar! also another academic article i’m linking below: adhd brains form slower than neurotypical kids’, which is part of the reason our mental processes are so different we have thinner cortical maturation and reach those points at later time in our lives. i wrote a paper on it a while back so if you have more questions, you can message me. anyways, isn’t that cool??? we have differently formed brains!!!

this is all to say, your symptoms are valid. your brain is formed differently and that’s okay. you aren’t lazy or not trying hard enough. you have a legitimate mental disability. it sucks sometimes, but it also has assets. people with adhd are great at problem solving and other logical tricks because our brains work differently. it’s a superpower, trust me. you’re not just different, you’re unique :) and you can still message me if you want to talk more)

Biological sex differences in ADHD:

cortical thickness maturation (brain) delay in children with ADHD

[n1ghtm3ds]

It is absolute Freudian nonsense to claim that people who are open about their history as CSA survivors are “autopedophiles” the thought of what was done to me makes me feel disgusting and like ripping my skin off I’m not fucking aroused at the memories of abuse if anything they completely tank my sex drive and make it hard to have an adult sex life because I was forced to have a sex life as a child. Autopedophiles are like the creepy “little” girls who pose nude with binkies and call their boyfriends “daddy” not being a sex abuse survivor whose story doesn’t stand out enough from similar survivor’s stories to be valid in yalls eyes I’m sorry abuse tends into fall into a pattern and you find that boring or whatever or that I don’t talk about it the “right” way but it’s in extremely poor taste to call somebody an autopedophile for being open about the abuse they faced. That’s literally on par with “all rape victims secretly wanted to get fucked” in terms of absolute Neanderthal logic. Not talking about abuse is how abuse is allowed to thrive, and these kind of baseless accusations make survivors feel like they can’t be open an wont be believed. Do you really believe that more women make up stories of rape/csa than are actually victimized, that csa is somehow the one crime where more people who report it especially if it takes them until adulthood to cope with/remember are making it up than actually survived abuse? There’s no desirable clout that comes with being the raped girl or the touched kid it is a shame u carry in ur bones forever and never feel clean and never feel pure and get to spend your life knowing that the only time of it life where u were supposed to be truly innocent was stolen because the boy across the street was left to babysit you while ur dads drank in the garage and decided he was going to ruin ur life before it had even started because you had female organs. I’d love to be able to get head without having a panic attack because that’s one of the things that was done to me as a toddler or accept a gentle touch from my lover without being reminded of my abuse and sometimes in the middle of the night I wake up screaming and paralyzed like I’ve been drugged feeling somebody’s gross body heat on top of me remembering blacking out as I tried to fight off a man who was trying to rape me or trying to form the words to tell S to stop taking off my pants while I was limp drunk and he was making out with my passed out body I wish I was making ANY of this up I’d take being spared even one incident over all the tumblr followers in the world and like I said it isn’t exactly social currency to be the raped girl I’ve spent most of my life trying to avoid that title to spare my family the shame and grief I don’t talk about this shit in real life I made this blog mostly to publicly document my life as a mentally ill disabled trauma survivor in a way that somebody might be able to study some day to keep people out of the constant pain im in or make some sense of whatever eventually happens to me. But to say my claims of abuse are autopedopheliac delusions is an insult to survivors those kind of accusations were used to silence sexually abused women for centuries. Maybe I’m making it all up because I’m hysterical from wandering womb syndrome. Literally 19th century bullshit.

[utterlyinevitable]

Hey!!! I just saw ur post and well, i have a request😊 how bout a fic where MC is enjoying hrslf with music fully turned on and Ethan walks in and he's like WHIPPED. if its shitty or u have made a fic similar to it, then completely ignore this. LOTS OF LOVE❤❤

Singin’ In The Bar

Pairing: Ethan x F!MC (Becca Lao) Rating: Teen+ Summary: She’s having a grand ol’ time singing and dancing at Donahue’s with her friends, from his same ol’ stool Ethan watches desperately from the sidelines. Sometime in book 2.  Trope: Drunk; Pining; Musical; Ethan’s POV 

A/N: thank you for requesting this ♥ i’ve had it in my wips for months, soo sorry about that

__________________

Ethan was sitting at his normal spot at the bar of Donahue’s. Something he’s done nearly every night since he became an attending at Edenbrook Hospital. The evening was less than his preferred quiet, white-noise of the bar. There were residents being rowdy by the darts board and dancing around the old jukebox. 

He knew most of the faces and others he didn’t care enough to get to know. The ones he did know were a side effect of knowing Her. He smiled to himself, how could one woman stumble into his life and change almost every one of his ideals? Ethan had always made it a point to not form any sort of workplace acquaintanceship with any resident unless they did something notable, and even then they’d have to be at least a third-year. Or so that concrete rule was put into place right after she bought him a scotch that first day of intern year. 

Sometime during his reverie her group of friends decided to turn the jukebox into makeshift karaoke. Ethan’s nose scrunched up in a disdainful grimace as some utter garbage with strong bass and high syncopation began blaring from the old speaker system. 

He took a long swig of scotch. 

In the distance he could hear the residents were not so subtly rapping to Anaconda. Ethan thought about how none of them probably realized the refrain’s from Sir Mix A Lot. He promptly rolled his eyes, the age gap apparent more than ever. That was certainly evident - especially with the unabashed way Lahela was pointing and coaxing everyone to “look at her butt”. 

And Ethan did. Very briefly he looked over to see who exactly Lahela was referring to. Telling himself he wanted to see the ruckus and not the bright and weakening smile of his resident. 

His. 

Ethan finished his drink in one gulp.  

In the short time it took, the girls began to girl-group to Bang Bang; another song Ethan didn’t care to know. 

He stole a glance again, and their eyes met. Becca’s glowing features perked into a small genuine smile just for him. 

Ethan couldn’t look away - she was the depths of a sea and he wanted to continue falling deeper and deeper. His full body shifted towards her, a sailor being beckoned by a siren. The rational Dr. Ramsey did a 180 and turned towards Reggie for another drink. Ethan needed to put as much distance as possible between him and Dr. Lao. 

Even with his gaze trained on the bar top, hands wrapped around a double scotch and shooting her an indifferent shoulder, Ethan could feel her eyes on him. Could sense the flicker of pain he inflicted by snubbing her. 

A slower song came on that pulled Ethan out of his stupor. But it wasn’t the song. It was the voice singing along to Mario’s Let Me Love You. 

Ethan knew this song. He knew it rather well, actually. 

He let the old R&B bassline circle around him and take him back to before he was the Great Dr. Ethan Ramsey. Back to a time when he was just Ethan, studying alone in his room and planning out the rest of his life meticulously. And how he’s come to learn these last two years - no matter how hard you try - it’s impossible to keep to plan. Everything is subjective. And maybe, just maybe, everything he’s told himself was leading up to this moment. 

This moment when he finally needed to abandon them. 

Ethan’s strict code was a coping mechanism all his life. Something to govern his habits to lead him to his greatest desires. Never could Ethan Ramsey ever have imagined what was actually waiting for him at the end of the fantasy. He always thought it was medical greatness but maybe it was… something else. 

He glanced over his shoulder. 

And there she was making an absolute fool of herself trying to do the old choreography. It had his heartbeat quickening and his grip on the glass tightening. 

When she sang the chorus for the first time her amber eyes locked with Ethan’s. The intensity had him sucking in a breath through gritted teeth. He tried to look away - oh did he try - but couldn’t. She was captivating. She had a hold on him he couldn’t explain in any scientific words. 

Ethan sat stone still, his deep gaze stuck on her movements for the next two minutes. His breath came and went with the sway of her hips.  

“Someone turn this garbage off!” a bargoer shouted as the song closed and another Ariana Grande song came on. 

Whatever spell Becca had him under was broken when the rest of her group shouted back “no” as they danced side to side. 

His eyes flitted back to his drink. A burning sensation at the base of his neck had him swearing she kept looking at him. That she was telling him something through the unfamiliar and muffled lyrics. The way her hips talked were certainly saying something else. 

Before this new song finished, after their eyes held one for seconds too long once more, Ethan abandoned his half full glass and exited the bar in a quick fury. 

And Becca’s heart fell..

Before she knew it she was moving.  

“Becks, where you going?” Bryce called after her. 

“Really need to pee. Be right back!”  

She made her escape through the side door out to the beer garden. He wasn’t there. Her head whipping back and forth trying to find his tall frame. Her feet moving to the darkest of corners he could be hiding in. 

Out of the corner of her eye a figure paced in circles in the parking lot, the desolate lot in the distance for the beauty parlor storefront next door. His hands tangling in his hair, pulling at the strands. Carefully, cautiously, she moved towards him. The clacking of her heels on asphalt the only sign Ethan wasn’t alone anymore.

Closer and closer she moved, and he still moved back and forth. 

As soon as she was within hearing range, ever so softly she spoke; “Hey...” 

He stopped. 

His head whipped towards hers. She was standing there looking like the heroine of every damned dream he’s ever had all his life. The streetlamp casting down on her like a godforsaken halo. 

Ethan closed the distance in three long strides. 

His hands met her first - cupping her cheeks seconds before their lips meet. They’ve done this a handful of times before and still it was as intoxicating - maybe more so - than the first time. Her hands trailed up his arms, clinging to the fabric at his bicep. The kiss was bruising, deep and stealing any rational breath they ever emitted in the past. Their liquor-lacked tongues tangled and glided in ways that sent sparks flying and their knees wobbling. In the dim streetlighting on this seemingly random weeknight the two figures melded into one. 

Minutes that felt like seconds had their lungs clawing for oxygen. Both gasping, Ethan pulled away just enough to look into her eyes. His thumbs caressing the apples of her cheeks, as he searched her for any sensible reasoning. 

“What are you doing to me?” 

The whispered words brushed over her just before Ethan pulled her back in. 

_______________________________

@openheartfanfics @choicesficwriterscreations 

Perma:

@lucy-268  @thegreentwin  @queencarb  @danijimenezv  @starrystarrytrouble   @terrm9 @interobanginyourmom @maurine07  @mercury84choices  @schnitzelbutterfingers  @the-pale-goddess @whimsicallywayward15  @mvalentine  @mm2305 @rookie-ramsey @drariellevalentine   @withbeautyandrage  @forallthatitsworth   @stateofgracious  @missmiimiie  @uneravine   @iemcpbchoices  @sophxwithers @therookie @quixoticdreamer16 @lsvdw-blog

Ethan:

@udishaman  @binny1985  @honeyandsunfl0wers @wingedhairstylemusicweasel @ohchoices  @dulceghernandez @blossomanarchy  @stygianflood  @caseyvalentineramsey @openheartthot @senseofduties  @tsrookie  @kalogh @aworldoffandoms  @takemyopenheart  @casey-v @ethanramseylover @a-crepusculo @randomperson111  @lilypills @anntoldst0ries @nix-grey  @aishaaaaaaah @estellaelysian @mysticaurathings @mayarambles

[mayz1er]

hello!! are u:

c!tubbo apologist?

c!tubbo shapeshifter truther?

constantly thinking abt how c!tubbo and c!ranboo were suppose to run against each other in the second l’manberg election?

if u answered yes to any of those, u shud check out my fic blood red presidential ties!! it’s set after the disc finale, a somewhat study on c!tubbo’s unhealthy way of coping without war, and how it affects his life and others. (spoiler alert, he copes by starting a fake presidential election against c!ranboo.)

there’s also a twist! a girl with wings keeps appearing in his dreams, a best friend he no longer knew. what will happen when his past catches up to him? who might this girl be, and why is he thinking abt her after all this time?

here are some of the current lines i like!

If you were to ask Tubbo now what whiskey tastes like, he would lie and say he hasn’t had a drop of it enter his mouth.

If you were to ask Tubbo then, before his brand new scars and no good wings, he’d say it tastes like campfires and regret. A smoky flavour, assumingly because it’s aged in oak barrels. It left a charred branding on his tongue after each sip. He hated it, and he tipped his glass and drank more.

and!

They’re in the sky, and her grip on him becomes loose. He’s airborne, and he falls. Maybe it’s his descent to hell. He grins, and for someone who says he doesn’t believe in the gods, he utters a prayer once more.

Pray, do tell, that while I fall I’ll go blind before I reach the ground.

some c!beeduo!

They paused, and they almost looked more scared than nervous. Like they did not plan what words came out of their mouth next, and even then, they would make no move to stop talking.

“Your face lights up when you talk about things you like, like when you started talking about that guardian farm you’re making with Sam. It’s very— endearing? Yeah, I think that’s the word.”

They stood up, picking up their grass block and walking with long strides towards Tubbo. Even with him sitting on a stage, he was just barely towering over them.

“I think you’re very endearing.” Ranboo said, a small smile gracing their face with finality in the tone of their words.

and lastly, from chapter 10:

Tubbo will welcome the people to trample over him, he will welcome death as it falls from the sky like acidic rain. He would welcome doves that flew from the sky and from the heavens and he’d let them fall to his feet.

Will you send a message to God for me? Tubbo would say, crumbling bread in between his thumb and index and watching the birds crunch on them. Will you go tell God to strike me down? I don’t mind, I don’t mind at all. Will you tell God to strike me down with lightning? Or a bullet?

it’s now completed with 18 chapters/150k words :]