#my given threads

[oasisdew]

'Given' and grief

The first time we see Mafuyu think about Yuki consciously in given is in code 4.

And what we see him thinking is that he doesn't feel lonely.

Mafuyu thinks here, even when he knows he'll never see Yuki again, he still doesn't feel lonely because he still carries something within himself that Yuki loved.

And this was Mafuyu being in denial about Yuki actually really being gone. He was still trying to rationalise it.

“I am not lonely!” he protests, “The person that I loved so much, couldn't just become nothing! As long as I'm here, he is here somehow!”

And he keeps carrying Yuki's guitar everywhere, symbolising that burden. That thing that Yuki loved, yes, but Mafuyu wasn't a part of.

__________________

Then the story progresses. Mafuyu learns to play guitar. Mafuyu makes new friends, he learns to smile again and be excited, he starts to fall in love again. He starts to heal.

THEN Fuyunohanashi happens.

And we see him starting the song with, “I'm not lonely”, again.

He is back there. He is protesting, “you are not gone! You can not be gone! You are still in my head! Everywhere you once were you still are!!”

He has healed meanwhile, yes, from when given manga started to when FnH happened, he has. But he still hasn't come to terms with it.

And then, while performing this song, while on stage, this sudden realisation strikes,

“I am so lonely” he thinks. He has started to realise that Yuki is fading, Yuki's memory, his presence that Mafuyu imagined, they're fading slowly, and that is sad! That's why he is lonely!

After the performance of FnH, Mafuyu thinks again, “I am not lonely”, and this time it's not regarding Yuki. This is the general feel of it, Mafuyu isn't lonely anymore. He has friends, he has someone new he loves, he has started to heal, and with that comes the feeling of guilt.

“I wish I could tell you this!” I wish I could find closure from you!

_______________________

And then we get the extra chapter 'Umi E'. Expanding on the on stage "I am so lonely" panel!

Mafuyu realised on that 'blindingly bright stage' what 'loneliness' means. It's the healing part of the trauma. It's the guilt of letting go of the person who isn't here anymore.

If Mafuyu forgets Yuki bit by bit, which will certainly happen, because people can't keep living with someone's vivid memories forever, then who'll remember the Yuki that only Mafuyu knew? He will really be gone forever! And thinking about that is sad! And THAT is loneliness.

_______________________

Mafuyu is still there during CAC. Even though he has moved on, even though he is totally in love with Ritsuka and committed to him, it still feels like betraying Yuki somehow. The more he grows, the more he changes, the more the distance with Yuki grows.

Remember, that line in yorugaakeru that literally says, “even though you're not here, I can still continue to live on, in the end, that's what makes me sad.”

This part of grieving isn't talked about as much as it should be. It's the guilt you feel when you heal.

_________________________

This brings us to the last arc of 'given'.

There were many things going on with RitsuMafu the last arc, but part of why playing 'Umi E' for Mafuyu without telling Mafuyu was bad idea was because it meant forcing Mafuyu to confront something that he had no intention of confronting just yet.

But turned out it was for the best. At least for Mafuyu to realise that he has actually really moved on. He doesn't feel guilt for letting go of Yuki anymore. From the time they performed YgA to the SYH concert, Mafuyu has healed more.

See, compared to the first 'to the sea' memories, the last 'to the sea' memories are so blurry! He really forgot the details!

It's just a vague feeling of nostalgia to Mafuyu now! And it's still anxiety inducing, yes, especially seeing that he was already dreading everything.

But there's no guilt to be found of letting go of Yuki. His only concerns are not being able to connect to Ritsuka now.

Yuki is not somewhere inside Mafuyu anymore, or he doesn't feel pressured to keep him close to heart anymore. He has accepted the truth. He has found closure. Yuki is a memory now. A fond memory, preserved in a song, the memories are blurrier still. And Mafuyu is happy with that. Forgetting the details doesn't make him lonely or guilty anymore.

Which is why the last chapter we got, where just after being confronted by 'Yuki's song', Mafuyu still isn't sad or guilt ridden at all, he is sparkling and eager to perform alongside Ritsuka, he is so happy that he almost proposed to him, is so special!

[gloriousmonsters]

love when you can ask the Narrator why the Princess is a Princess and he's like 'well i uhhhh YOU did that. maybe it's because uh... something something about her being above you... but still approachable... look i don't want to analyze or anthropomorphize your--' my guy. i am a primal being of Order and Eternity and Shaping. You're the one who convinced me I was some dude and were quite willing to take credit for shaping my view on the world through narration five seconds ago. Are you gonna look me in the eye and tell me the desire to interpret something worthy of adoration and more powerful than me as a dommy princess is written in the very nature of the universe or are you going to show me your browser history like a man

[asterionscat]

[ursanic]

Look at my Yuri Manga boy cosplay

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

I like Instagram but this isn’t the first time it’s served me creepily precise ads like this, only the most creepily precise, so this particular experience is another reason I’m real hesitant to sign up for Threads until it’s like…available in the EU on account of complying with GDPR privacy rules, which it currently isn’t

not that that means a whole lot if IG can, what, serve ads based on my location and/or things it picks up through the mic, given that IG is available in the EU, but if they’re allowed to do this, I can’t imagine what kind of shady shit Threads might be getting up to

[erazonpo3]

on a scale of 1 to 10 how controversial do you think it would be if I were to have Ingo Way Out be like "yeah i'd prefer to stay in hisui actually"

[mischief-lies-and-stories]

You ever learn something new about one of your hyperfixations and your brain just explodes with disconnected threads of creative energy?

@jonquilclegane, you have blessed me with that this weekend!

[arctic-hands]

[Image Description: a small embroidery hoop that is securing a gauzy white fabric. In the hoop is a crudely cross-stitched black outline of an uneven heart shape. Within the heart, a little bit off center, is a Palestinian flag (three horizontal stripes of black, white, and green, with a red triangle facing right on the left). The right point of the red triangle ended up being uneven and off center, throwing off the balance of the stripes, leaving the green stripe noticeably thin at the bottom. End I.D]

Fuckity. I can live with the wonky heart (I can't even draw a heart without it looking wonky) and the slightly off center flag, but I didn't realize the triangle being uneven and how thin the green is until the literal end of the flag. I'm a rookie to cross-stitch and am unsure how it would look I embroidered red thread over the white and green to even it out, or to bulk up the green stripe by going into the white. Is there any way to salvage this or do I have to start over? I've been working on this for three weeks because my health keeps interrupting it.

[Image Description: a closeup on the flag part, showing also that the bottom of the green stripe is a bit uneven. End I.D]

[deanpinterester]

hi what

[oasisdew]

~~Given sequel and what we've got so far~~

We've gotten only two(2) chapters of the sequel so far and I personally think, the stage for the next arc is already set.

Given does follow a pattern in story-telling if you pay attention to it. And it does address one issue a couple (the main two couples) at a time meticulously.

The first arc was about RitsuMafu, and the plot was Mafuyu falling in love with Ritsuka and being forced to face his trauma from his ex's suicide and doing whatever was needed to move on from it, taking first steps towards healing.

Likewise the second arc was about AkiHaru, and the plot was Akihiko realising the extent of his feelings for Haruki and being forced to face his trauma of being in a longterm abusive relationship and doing whatever was needed to break free from the toxic cycle he was stuck in.

The third arc got a bit complicated with Hiiragi being mixed in the equation of RitsuMafu. Hiiragi introduced the problem that RitsuMafu were to face and got a subplot of his own (that's also still ongoing).

But essentially the third arc can be seen as divided in two parts the two parts that the two movies are covering. 1) 'Hiiragi_mix' as in the first part where Hiiragi (and Shizusumi) successfully did recreate the traumatic experience for Mafuyu again to face knowingly or unknowingly. And 2) 'to the sea' where RitsuMafu had to face that situation and prove the strength of their love and mettle of their characters to overcome the challenge.

But more importantly the main objective of that arc was Mafuyu getting full closure, not only from Yuki, but from the effects of trauma and grieving and the guilt that comes with it. As well as having to face the issues that traumatic experience gave him, as in his doubts about expressing himself, his doubts about his own worth as opposed to what he brings to table musically for Ritsuka, his hesitation of letting go of Yuki fully etc. These were all the issues that his previous relationship gave him. The unsurity of it all and the persistent feeling of fear of doing something wrong again with the everpresent feeling of perpetual shame and guilt for forgetting a person who for sure for a period of time he thought of as essential for his own existence. There's also been hints of his complex regarding Hiiragi specifically. Hiiragi is always being described as charismatic. Everyone thinks so. He has 'star quality' which Mafuyu probably fears(feared) he lacks. Yuki forming a band with Hiiragi wasn't easy for Mafuyu to take. Not in a toxic way, but in a deeply insecure way. We see him reacting oddly to Ritsuka praising Hiiragi in any capacity. Trying to not feel pressured by it, wanting more of Ritsuka's attention to himself. Literally fidgeting.

Then the same Hiiragi's band won CAC against 'given' and right after that Ritsuka joined 'syh'.

To Mafuyu it probably felt like Ritsuka leaving the loser band and vocalist Mafuyu for the winner Hiiragi. Ritsuka admitted it himself, Hiiragi was cooler than he imagined. Hiiragi successfully intrigued Ritsuka too. And Ritsuka was won over by him because Mafuyu wasn't enough. He needed to sing, and he couldn't.

(And then they metaphorically did throw him in the sea too. It was awful but I digress 😑)

But anyway, all these issues, insecurities, the culmination of it ALL as well as all the stages of grieving for Mafuyu, they were all masterfully handled in the last arc. Or second RitsuMafu arc.

Now that brings us to the second AkiHaru arc and like it or not, just like how Mafuyu had to grieve properly and find closure from all his remnant issues from his previous relationship and childhood, Akihiko will also have to face the issues he is still carrying from his last relationship. The gaslighting that he endured, the misplaced guilt that he probably still feels, the fear of doing something wrong again to fuck it all up for himself and Haruki and probably the band too.

And believe it or not, we have already seen the seeds of it. Also, I personally think Ritsuka will be the catalyst of Akihiko's arc this time and we are gonna get the Ritsuka arc either mixed with Akihiko's one this time or right after.

Now let's see what we got thus far.

1) AkiHaru LDR. Akihiko's ring and them living separately even in Tokyo as well as Akihiko's little show of flirtation to get Haruki flustered.

All of these point to something that I'm sure most of the fandom is vaguely aware of but can't put their finger on surely.

I personally think these point to the issues Akihiko brought from his experience of being the victim in an abusive relationship.

LDR is simply him choosing to not sacrifice his music for the sake of his relationship. He learnt from his previous relationship that that's not the way he gets to retain himself much less his relationship.

The ring is the symbol of his clinginess, or his innate urge to belong. To belong to someone. But with that also comes his fear of binding Haruki unfairly to himself. His need to be clingy to Haruki is constantly at odds with his fear of somehow being codependent or worse still, making Haruki codependent on him. So he himself is donning a ring and showing it off but he doesn't want Haruki to, especially if Haruki doesn't by his own accord. Haruki didn't show him his own need to belong to Akihiko, he simply asked, (with a strange look on his face too if I may add) if he should also wear a ring, and Akihiko declined. No matter how dramatic he tried to make himself sound to Mafuyu that's the root cause of it.

Akihiko living separately even when in Tokyo too also probably comes from the same fear and deep rooted issues. He was at the receiving end of such a relationship once and it was excruciatingly painful for him. His ex leaving the country for months and then coming back to only have sex for a few days with him(and then kicking him out but he had been gaslighted to think all of those as his faults so we no talk about it yet) while he was stuck in a place full of memories and yearning for those times to come back again and feel the love and happiness...he doesn't want any of those to happen to Haruki. He knows living alone is better than living with memories.

So on one hand he is desperate to bind himself to Haruki, donning the ring, going broke just to see Haruki every week, still bringing Haruki coffee, on the other hand, he is trying to set Haruki as free as he possibly can. Living separately, not making him wear the ring.

He is also still an insecure jealous mess when it comes to Haruki. It started with the second chapter of given and it's still going on. Akihiko wants Haruki's attention to himself all the time. He also needs to know that he still is desirable to Haruki and that comes from his abandonment issues. His parents as far as he is concerned didn't want him the moment he became a liability and don't even let me start on his ex. So being able to make Haruki flustered still is important to him. the assurance that he is still needed and desired and it's not all been just a whim on Haruki's part, or if it were indeed a whim, it's still there as strong as it was the first day, Akihiko needs to be reassured of it from time to time.

In contrast, I know that most of the fandom will disagree with me but, Haruki's issues are nonconsequential at this point. Is he probably sad to see Aki go? He obviously is. He also is possessive with his 'insect repellent' comment and seeing Akihiko instantly changes his whole demeanor. But Haruki is essentially in his essence this chapter. Thinking and planning and working. Missing Akihiko is inevitable but I don't think it's death sentence for Haruki. A large part of what Haruki possibly feels in this situation we see from Ritsuka's POV which is a trick Kizu uses frequently to mislead readers. Ritsuka is projecting high key. He and Haruki are fundamentally different. So he should be treated as an unreliable narrator here.

I think the difference between how Ritsuka and Haruki work is that Ritsuka can be at ease knowing that Mafuyu is at home safe and he himself has Mafuyu to come back to while he goes work outside forgetting everything in the world.

But for Haruki, he considers himself to be the home and can wait for Akihiko to come back to him indefinitely as long as there's a promise of him coming back.

Which brings us to the issues of RitsuMafu or more specifically Ritsuka that's been shown in this chapter.

So the issue with 2) Ritsuka is that he has no issues. I know there are many fans who want Ritsuka to breakdown or cry etc but the truth is that Ritsuka has no problem except for his own tyrant king workaholic self.

In previous arc we did get some covers that made us question about Ritsuka's mental state. 👇🏼 The main one being the left one but the right one too.

It's more been the words written on the left cover that were vaguely worrying. For the first time we saw him thinking about Yuki and the fact that he had been a big part of Mafuyu's life. And I understand some fans being disappointed that we didn't see him ponder on it again.

But the truth is, Ritsuka is 1) too healthy an individual by nature and by nurture to constantly be worrying about things that he can't control. He'll always find a way to cope healthily whatever the outside world throws at him and he did find a way to get closure from Yuki the last arc, it was to help everyone Yuki left behind get closure from him. 2) If he really indeed has to confront Yuki then it'll come after he has worked on his own issues so we'll have to wait and see if that happens ever.

Now that being said Ritsuka also does have to confront and control his own self. As they say, even the best things can be too much. And Ritsuka always had been and right now (after ten years period) especially is under the danger of being too much. For himself and for others.

To put it simply, he is too good. Thinking of everyone and how to make them reach their full potential and thus pressuring himself and occasionally others especially the ones he loves.

This started ten years ago though. The inferiority complex of 'given' being thought of as inferior to 'syh', the guilt he felt leaving his own band to play for the rival band.

As well as his need to commit himself fully to things that he has committed once and his continuous need to challenge himself which doesn't let him go easy on himself a bit. His need to fix everything, every situation and his ability to do so ends up making him cornered more and more and it's been piling up.

There's also this thing that he is biased about 'given'. He considers it his 'own' band, while he feels responsible for 'syh' and isn't one to shrink from his responsibilities. He gives his 100% to make Hiiragi shine, he specifically does so because he knows Hiiragi's potential.

But that doesn't stop him from feeling guilt towards his own band and especially mafuyu.

Now here's the thing, Hiiragi is syh's vocalist while Mafuyu is Given's. And syh's style is populist style, it's not about quality, it's about taste and syh and Hiiragi appeals to public taste more.

In Ritsuka's own words, they are 'flashier' than 'given'.

And here comes the conflict for Ritsuka. He has truly no one else to blame for but himself. He has made Hiiragi a star and now he wants the same fame for his beloved aka Mafuyu. That's what they were arguing about.

He wants Mafuyu and 'given' to become even more popular. It's literally the conflict of interest and he is fighting himself on both sides.

Which brings us to Mafuyu at last. Mafuyu isn't buying this. And that's deeply satisfying and comforting. Mafuyu who once was scared of Hiiragi 'stealing' Ritsuka's attention, or being too charismatic now wants no part in competing with him. He isn't scared of Hiiragi's brightness anymore and is deeply secured in Ritsuka's affection to the point where he actively is fighting with Ritsuka about music and says that he doesn't need to stand out simply because it's not Given's style. It'll sound fake and fabricated he says. And I agree.

I think this is what Ritsuka's arc is gonna be about, at least for now. He's been putting himself on spot too much, he once had this realisation that just because something is popular with masses, it doesn't mean it sucks contrary to pretentious intellectual beliefs. All because of syh and Hiiragi.

He'll have to come back to his senses now and realise that on the other hand popularity isn't and can never be the criteria on how you create art. Given's style is simply different from what appeals to mass but that's what makes given unique.

[dangaer]

the inhernt feeling of being known during roleplay.

[thedreadvampy]

guess who's in 🎶troooouble🎶

New Boss does not appreciate my Vile Insubordination (giving an informed opinion in an email chain where she said some factually incorrect things and got called out on it - I said hey yep you're right that what she said isn't true but here's why it's still important to listen to our team)

and now we have to have a Quick Chattette about my Behaviour and Unsatisfactory Response (didn't apologise for being correct)

[nokomento]

there was an expression meme on twitter

i used my son for it UωU

[whamss]

i know the epilogues are bad yadda yadda yadda but ahhh every now and then i think about meat rose and sigh this wistful little sigh...

she's so sad to me. a woman suffering so much being taken advantage of by the only person who she thinks can sympathize with her situation... so vulnerable and desperate for a way out, a way to fix things so she can be happy with her wife and live this peaceful life being denied to her because the game still haunts her after all this time

rose and dirks convos in the epilogues are still so good imo i don't even care what anyone says. rose deserved so much better but oh maaan i think about it so much. a cruel father and a desperate daughter. i think a lot about the weird tenderness in those scenes between them, the way dirk uses rose's weakness to take advantage of her

i love to dream of a world where post canon rose grows and learns from the people who took advantage of her as a child, and through that prevents cycles of abuse from perpetuating in her adult life. but also i rotate the way that rose's fall from grace caused by dirk in the epilogues parallels with her plunge into grimdarkness via dr scratch in homestuck proper all the time and idk. i cant help but think it's a little clever

[thewhizzyhead]

yo so there is this Philippine girl pop group called BINI and they've been growing in popularity on twitter not just because of their genuinely impressive vocals and performances, but because of them being one of, if not, the most unhinged OPM stars to ever exist. They are also going viral for being among seemingly the gayest group of Filipino pop girls to ever exist. Both unhingedness and gayness have been at display with surprising genuineness like I'm not kidding those two descriptors seem very much so real so go check them out-

[noisytenant]

not that i never have the urge to (publicly) make fun of people, but i truly find it kind of indefensible.

generally the underlying sentiment of mockery is that someone has done something shameful, so obviously unacceptable that it should never have been shared. and more than that, it's so repulsive and trifling that it isn't even worth acknowledging as a serious concept. you're simply "above" such things.

but what gives you the right to assert that? how are you so certain that your norms are the "correct" ones? why would you disqualify another person from your regard?

i think mockery often comes from a desire to disengage from something that doesn't seem "worth one's time". i think it's important to value our energy and to not try to engage with things that yield little to no reward. but i reject the idea that anyone can actually be "above" anyone or anything else.

shame is a corroding force. it doesn't generate meaningful change, only superficial compliance. and if you treat others with such contempt, then how are you treating yourself? i just don't think it's worth it.