#given 10th mix

[anonymouslyel]

akihiko in the same room with the woman who has a massive crush on him and the man that is his on-again-off-again fuck buddy but his eyes are stuck looking at his band's bassist to the point that said woman was able to deduce akihiko's in love with said bassist

GET UP KAJI AKIHIKO?!

[oasisdew]

~~Given sequel and what we've got so far~~

We've gotten only two(2) chapters of the sequel so far and I personally think, the stage for the next arc is already set.

Given does follow a pattern in story-telling if you pay attention to it. And it does address one issue a couple (the main two couples) at a time meticulously.

The first arc was about RitsuMafu, and the plot was Mafuyu falling in love with Ritsuka and being forced to face his trauma from his ex's suicide and doing whatever was needed to move on from it, taking first steps towards healing.

Likewise the second arc was about AkiHaru, and the plot was Akihiko realising the extent of his feelings for Haruki and being forced to face his trauma of being in a longterm abusive relationship and doing whatever was needed to break free from the toxic cycle he was stuck in.

The third arc got a bit complicated with Hiiragi being mixed in the equation of RitsuMafu. Hiiragi introduced the problem that RitsuMafu were to face and got a subplot of his own (that's also still ongoing).

But essentially the third arc can be seen as divided in two parts the two parts that the two movies are covering. 1) 'Hiiragi_mix' as in the first part where Hiiragi (and Shizusumi) successfully did recreate the traumatic experience for Mafuyu again to face knowingly or unknowingly. And 2) 'to the sea' where RitsuMafu had to face that situation and prove the strength of their love and mettle of their characters to overcome the challenge.

But more importantly the main objective of that arc was Mafuyu getting full closure, not only from Yuki, but from the effects of trauma and grieving and the guilt that comes with it. As well as having to face the issues that traumatic experience gave him, as in his doubts about expressing himself, his doubts about his own worth as opposed to what he brings to table musically for Ritsuka, his hesitation of letting go of Yuki fully etc. These were all the issues that his previous relationship gave him. The unsurity of it all and the persistent feeling of fear of doing something wrong again with the everpresent feeling of perpetual shame and guilt for forgetting a person who for sure for a period of time he thought of as essential for his own existence. There's also been hints of his complex regarding Hiiragi specifically. Hiiragi is always being described as charismatic. Everyone thinks so. He has 'star quality' which Mafuyu probably fears(feared) he lacks. Yuki forming a band with Hiiragi wasn't easy for Mafuyu to take. Not in a toxic way, but in a deeply insecure way. We see him reacting oddly to Ritsuka praising Hiiragi in any capacity. Trying to not feel pressured by it, wanting more of Ritsuka's attention to himself. Literally fidgeting.

Then the same Hiiragi's band won CAC against 'given' and right after that Ritsuka joined 'syh'.

To Mafuyu it probably felt like Ritsuka leaving the loser band and vocalist Mafuyu for the winner Hiiragi. Ritsuka admitted it himself, Hiiragi was cooler than he imagined. Hiiragi successfully intrigued Ritsuka too. And Ritsuka was won over by him because Mafuyu wasn't enough. He needed to sing, and he couldn't.

(And then they metaphorically did throw him in the sea too. It was awful but I digress 😑)

But anyway, all these issues, insecurities, the culmination of it ALL as well as all the stages of grieving for Mafuyu, they were all masterfully handled in the last arc. Or second RitsuMafu arc.

Now that brings us to the second AkiHaru arc and like it or not, just like how Mafuyu had to grieve properly and find closure from all his remnant issues from his previous relationship and childhood, Akihiko will also have to face the issues he is still carrying from his last relationship. The gaslighting that he endured, the misplaced guilt that he probably still feels, the fear of doing something wrong again to fuck it all up for himself and Haruki and probably the band too.

And believe it or not, we have already seen the seeds of it. Also, I personally think Ritsuka will be the catalyst of Akihiko's arc this time and we are gonna get the Ritsuka arc either mixed with Akihiko's one this time or right after.

Now let's see what we got thus far.

1) AkiHaru LDR. Akihiko's ring and them living separately even in Tokyo as well as Akihiko's little show of flirtation to get Haruki flustered.

All of these point to something that I'm sure most of the fandom is vaguely aware of but can't put their finger on surely.

I personally think these point to the issues Akihiko brought from his experience of being the victim in an abusive relationship.

LDR is simply him choosing to not sacrifice his music for the sake of his relationship. He learnt from his previous relationship that that's not the way he gets to retain himself much less his relationship.

The ring is the symbol of his clinginess, or his innate urge to belong. To belong to someone. But with that also comes his fear of binding Haruki unfairly to himself. His need to be clingy to Haruki is constantly at odds with his fear of somehow being codependent or worse still, making Haruki codependent on him. So he himself is donning a ring and showing it off but he doesn't want Haruki to, especially if Haruki doesn't by his own accord. Haruki didn't show him his own need to belong to Akihiko, he simply asked, (with a strange look on his face too if I may add) if he should also wear a ring, and Akihiko declined. No matter how dramatic he tried to make himself sound to Mafuyu that's the root cause of it.

Akihiko living separately even when in Tokyo too also probably comes from the same fear and deep rooted issues. He was at the receiving end of such a relationship once and it was excruciatingly painful for him. His ex leaving the country for months and then coming back to only have sex for a few days with him(and then kicking him out but he had been gaslighted to think all of those as his faults so we no talk about it yet) while he was stuck in a place full of memories and yearning for those times to come back again and feel the love and happiness...he doesn't want any of those to happen to Haruki. He knows living alone is better than living with memories.

So on one hand he is desperate to bind himself to Haruki, donning the ring, going broke just to see Haruki every week, still bringing Haruki coffee, on the other hand, he is trying to set Haruki as free as he possibly can. Living separately, not making him wear the ring.

He is also still an insecure jealous mess when it comes to Haruki. It started with the second chapter of given and it's still going on. Akihiko wants Haruki's attention to himself all the time. He also needs to know that he still is desirable to Haruki and that comes from his abandonment issues. His parents as far as he is concerned didn't want him the moment he became a liability and don't even let me start on his ex. So being able to make Haruki flustered still is important to him. the assurance that he is still needed and desired and it's not all been just a whim on Haruki's part, or if it were indeed a whim, it's still there as strong as it was the first day, Akihiko needs to be reassured of it from time to time.

In contrast, I know that most of the fandom will disagree with me but, Haruki's issues are nonconsequential at this point. Is he probably sad to see Aki go? He obviously is. He also is possessive with his 'insect repellent' comment and seeing Akihiko instantly changes his whole demeanor. But Haruki is essentially in his essence this chapter. Thinking and planning and working. Missing Akihiko is inevitable but I don't think it's death sentence for Haruki. A large part of what Haruki possibly feels in this situation we see from Ritsuka's POV which is a trick Kizu uses frequently to mislead readers. Ritsuka is projecting high key. He and Haruki are fundamentally different. So he should be treated as an unreliable narrator here.

I think the difference between how Ritsuka and Haruki work is that Ritsuka can be at ease knowing that Mafuyu is at home safe and he himself has Mafuyu to come back to while he goes work outside forgetting everything in the world.

But for Haruki, he considers himself to be the home and can wait for Akihiko to come back to him indefinitely as long as there's a promise of him coming back.

Which brings us to the issues of RitsuMafu or more specifically Ritsuka that's been shown in this chapter.

So the issue with 2) Ritsuka is that he has no issues. I know there are many fans who want Ritsuka to breakdown or cry etc but the truth is that Ritsuka has no problem except for his own tyrant king workaholic self.

In previous arc we did get some covers that made us question about Ritsuka's mental state. 👇🏼 The main one being the left one but the right one too.

It's more been the words written on the left cover that were vaguely worrying. For the first time we saw him thinking about Yuki and the fact that he had been a big part of Mafuyu's life. And I understand some fans being disappointed that we didn't see him ponder on it again.

But the truth is, Ritsuka is 1) too healthy an individual by nature and by nurture to constantly be worrying about things that he can't control. He'll always find a way to cope healthily whatever the outside world throws at him and he did find a way to get closure from Yuki the last arc, it was to help everyone Yuki left behind get closure from him. 2) If he really indeed has to confront Yuki then it'll come after he has worked on his own issues so we'll have to wait and see if that happens ever.

Now that being said Ritsuka also does have to confront and control his own self. As they say, even the best things can be too much. And Ritsuka always had been and right now (after ten years period) especially is under the danger of being too much. For himself and for others.

To put it simply, he is too good. Thinking of everyone and how to make them reach their full potential and thus pressuring himself and occasionally others especially the ones he loves.

This started ten years ago though. The inferiority complex of 'given' being thought of as inferior to 'syh', the guilt he felt leaving his own band to play for the rival band.

As well as his need to commit himself fully to things that he has committed once and his continuous need to challenge himself which doesn't let him go easy on himself a bit. His need to fix everything, every situation and his ability to do so ends up making him cornered more and more and it's been piling up.

There's also this thing that he is biased about 'given'. He considers it his 'own' band, while he feels responsible for 'syh' and isn't one to shrink from his responsibilities. He gives his 100% to make Hiiragi shine, he specifically does so because he knows Hiiragi's potential.

But that doesn't stop him from feeling guilt towards his own band and especially mafuyu.

Now here's the thing, Hiiragi is syh's vocalist while Mafuyu is Given's. And syh's style is populist style, it's not about quality, it's about taste and syh and Hiiragi appeals to public taste more.

In Ritsuka's own words, they are 'flashier' than 'given'.

And here comes the conflict for Ritsuka. He has truly no one else to blame for but himself. He has made Hiiragi a star and now he wants the same fame for his beloved aka Mafuyu. That's what they were arguing about.

He wants Mafuyu and 'given' to become even more popular. It's literally the conflict of interest and he is fighting himself on both sides.

Which brings us to Mafuyu at last. Mafuyu isn't buying this. And that's deeply satisfying and comforting. Mafuyu who once was scared of Hiiragi 'stealing' Ritsuka's attention, or being too charismatic now wants no part in competing with him. He isn't scared of Hiiragi's brightness anymore and is deeply secured in Ritsuka's affection to the point where he actively is fighting with Ritsuka about music and says that he doesn't need to stand out simply because it's not Given's style. It'll sound fake and fabricated he says. And I agree.

I think this is what Ritsuka's arc is gonna be about, at least for now. He's been putting himself on spot too much, he once had this realisation that just because something is popular with masses, it doesn't mean it sucks contrary to pretentious intellectual beliefs. All because of syh and Hiiragi.

He'll have to come back to his senses now and realise that on the other hand popularity isn't and can never be the criteria on how you create art. Given's style is simply different from what appeals to mass but that's what makes given unique.

[roger-maylor-brian-tay]

I Don't Get It

Ok, so I read a thread on X about what's happening in the next chapter of Given 10th Mix. I was excited to know that there was some akiharu moments there, but then afterwards I got disappointed and confused at how Akihiko is treating Haruki.

Honestly, I'm pissed.

So, they're like, supposed to be so called married, because Akihiko is showing off his ring, but then Haruki isn't wearing one because Akihiko doesn't let him? And his reason was so that Haruki doesn't look like a lonely married woman? It looks more like the only one married or engaged here is Akihiko (to whom tho? I don't know, because nobody else is wearing a ring) and Haruki is not. Who even think that when you see a person wearing a ring while having a coffee in a cafe all alone that you'll think "oh look, that person is a lonely married woman!" Who the hell think that way?? You cannot tell if a person is married and lonely just by looking at the ring and noticing zero companion he/she has!? And seriously, you do not jump to such conclusion right away after seeing a person wearing a ring and alone to be someone who is married and lonely! On the contrary, Haruki not wearing a ring is just telling everyone that he's single and can be approached by anyone! This is mind boggling to me! Would you want your partner to be the only one wearing a ring and you're not wearing one? Would you like that? I don't understand Akihiko's logic. I don't understand Kizu sensei's logic! Is Akihiko taking his relationship with Haruki seriously? Is Kizu sensei taking Akihiko and Haruki's relationship seriously? What kind of a partner is Kizu sensei trying to make out of Akihiko for Haruki? The Akihiko who freaked out from not having a clear relationship with Murata Ugetsu is now not wanting Haruki-his partner-for-real, to wear a ring while he does? So, that's like back then he wanted a relationship with Murata Ugetsu but the other person didn't want it. And now he wanted a relationship with Haruki and already got it, but then not wanting Haruki to let other people know that he is in a relationship with him? History seems to be repeating here, in a way. What the hell? This is confusing af. What the hell is going on in Akihiko's mind?

I'm taking this as "Akihiko not knowing how to be in a relationship with someone", given that he never had serious relationships with anyone in the past before, and that Haruki is the first person he's seriously romantically involved with. But 10 years have supposedly passed, and shouldn't he be going through some character development already? Unless Haruki as the person who's been in a real relationship before, allow all this to happen. After 10 years being with Akihiko and still not understanding him seems like he's okay with being confused all the time. Haruki seems to be tolerating his lover too much. Is Haruki taking his relationship with Akihiko seriously?

I even couldn't use the word married for their relationship because it doesn't feel and look that way. They're not living together when they're in the same town and only one of them is wearing a ring. So, to me Akihiko and Haruki aren't married, they're still just lovers. Kudos to Ritsuka and Mafuyu for looking more like a married couple from living together all this time.

Well, since Haruki is not wearing a ring then he's open to be snatched away by anyone anytime now lol.

===

April 1, 2024

[thisvaryingexistence]

Everyone to Kizu Natsuki: Can we have development on Mafuyu and especially Ritsuka in the time skip?

Kizu: *writes towards a breakup arc*

Everyone else: NO GO BACK.

[bonefall]

Herb Guide: Deaf Warriors and Hearing Disabilities

UPDATE 1: Added more harshness to the lipreading section based on initial feedback; minor rewording of some lines!

A reference for Warrior Cats fans creating characters with hearing loss, blending human advice with cat biology, written for an in-universe perspective on living with and managing such disabilities.

AKA Bonefall casts Spell of Stop Being Weird About Snowkit on all amoebas in 500 mile radius

[ID: A headshot of three cats, a brown tabby with a shredded ear (Strikestone), a solid white cat with blue eyes (Stonewing), and a gray cat with a mane (Dovewing).]

In the five Clans, hearing loss is both one of the most common sensory disabilities, and one of the most intense to adapt to. Through any mix of simple infections, birth abnormalities, or even just getting older, any given Clan can expect at least 1 in 4 of its cats to have some form of hearing loss.

Hearing loss is any impaired ability to hear, defined as not being able to hear noises under 20 decibels. Deafness is "profound" hearing loss, which means their hearing STARTS at a noise that is 81 decibels (ex: motorcycle, middle-distant clap of thunder) or louder. Most deaf people can still hear slightly, but sound is "muffled" and they can only hear VERY loud noises.

Hearing loss = Any impaired ability to hear. Normal hearing is 20 DB or lower.

Hard of Hearing (HOH) = Mild to severe hearing loss; starts between 21 DB and 95 DB.

Deaf = Profound hearing loss at 95 DB or higher; a clap of thunder is a quiet whisper.

MOST hearing loss will affect one ear more strongly than the other, and the cat will be HOH. The vast majority of cats with a hearing disability will still be able to understand their Clanmates, if they're just spoken to louder and more clearly. Cats who are born deaf (congenital deafness), however, tend to have profound hearing loss which affects their ability to understand speech.

Cats rely on their hearing and sense of smell much more strongly than they do on their eyesight. With hearing that's 4x more sensitive than a human's and can differentiate between 1/10th of a pitch, a Clan's healer would recognize hearing loss as a disability long before humans would even notice a problem.

Since hearing loss starts with the high-pitch noises that prey makes, like squeaks and chirps, hearing loss is a major reason for a senior warrior to begin to consider retirement. However, with proper support and accommodation, ANY warrior could adapt to this disability; Especially cats born deaf and younger HOH warriors with lots of time to re-learn.

This guide covers;

Common Causes

Traits and Challenges of Hearing Loss

Communication: Signs, lipreading, and more

Unique Challenges Clan-by-Clan

Sources are linked in a separate post, here, and linked again at the very bottom!

(note: this guide doesn't cover devices of any kind, but one of many reasons why cochlear implants are controversial is because an implant will destroy that remaining hearing. They aren't hearing aids; hearing aids amplify sound. Aids and implants are two different things)

Common Causes

There are DOZENS of ways to destroy the incredibly sensitive ears of a cat. ANY infection or injury can lead to permanent damage. That can include,

Injury gone sour, from battle, hunting, accidents, etc

Concussion, or a hard enough blow to the ear

Ear Mites, especially if the cat can't stop scratching it

Swimming in cold or dirty river water

Fungal or bacterial infections

Allergies, which can lead to sinus infections. Even an infection in the mouth or throat can spread to the ear!

There doesn't even need to be an infection. Around the ages of 7 - 11, a senior warrior may begin to gradually lose their hearing. Sometimes, through genetic factors or degenerative disease within the ear, an even younger warrior will lose it for "no reason."

It just happens, and it's incredibly common. They will usually begin to notice it when they stop being able to hear and hunt small rodents, because hearing loss will start with high-pitched noises.

Healers can do very little about this, besides attempting to clean any wax out of the ear canal with flax oil and a dab (such as moss, wool, or cloth). There are SO many ways for it to happen and so little in the way of treatments, that it's practically inevitable.

The majority of hearing loss is from infection or disease, but the most predictable way to see deafness in the Clans is in kits born white with blue eyes. In fact, ALL pure white cats are more prone to being born deaf!

Pure white without blue eyes: 17% to 22%

White with a single blue eye: 40% (and usually on the side of the blue eye)

White with two blue eyes: 65% to 85%

In an afflicted kit, the inner ear will rapidly degenerate. They typically lose most of their hearing by their 4th day, and will only be able to faintly hear extremely loud noises.

Of course, there's also various other birth defects that can result in deaf and HOH kits, even if they aren't white with blue eyes. The ear canal and hearing organs can just not form correctly! Any kit could be born with hearing loss, and they can have any type!

If the loss came from injury or severe infection, chronic pain in the inner ear is also common. Nothing can be done about this besides painkillers such as poppy seeds. This condition is rare in born-deaf cats.

Most cats with hearing loss will also permanently hear a repetitive, single-note sound. For most it's a faint, tinny "ring," but others can hear hissing, crackling, or humming in high or low pitch.

At first, this constant noise can be distracting or even debilitating, preventing them from focusing or sleeping, until... you just get used to it.

There is no way to turn the noise off. It can get worse or better, but it's forever. Sleeping and not being stressed out will help, but over time, they typically learn to tune it out. Being reminded of it is usually annoying, just like when someone reminds you about manual breathing.

(We call this condition tinnitus. It is up to you what you would like your cats to call it, the same way they refer to pneumonia as greencough. Tinnitus is a LOT broader than this little snippet, but this is not a guide about tinnitus, this is about hearing loss)

So to summarize that,

There's a billiondy-million ways to damage one's hearing.

Losing your hearing from age or disease usually results in being hard of hearing (HOH) as opposed to deaf, and is likely to affect one ear more than the other.

It starts with high-pitched noises like rodent squeaks.

Cats born white with blue eyes have a massive chance of being born deaf; their inner ear degenerates.

But, any kit could be born with any type of hearing loss, not just deafness.

Most cats with hearing loss will hear a distracting, repetitive noise. They just learn to tune it out.

Traits and Challenges of Hearing Loss

Hearing impaired cats are LOUD.

Even warriors who have mild hearing loss will often end up speaking much louder so they can hear themselves, or not notice the sounds they're making as they shift around in their nests, scuffle sand at the dirtplace, or trample through crunchy leaf litter.

If one of their ears is better than the other, they'll usually try to stand with their "good side" facing any speakers or other sources of noise. They might appear to be constantly standing at an angle, with their head turned towards the sound. It might be so second nature that they don't realize they're doing it.

Plus, a cat with hearing loss in only one ear will lose their hearing's "distance perception," the ability to pinpoint a sound's location. EXACTLY like how losing the sight in one eye causes the loss of "depth perception," they will have difficulty telling how far away a noise actually is.

Warriors who lose their hearing later in life typically have years of experience in knowing how prey behaves and what sorts of actions make noise; but cats born deaf have to be taught this.

Instead, born-deaf cats tend to associate "sound" with "vibration." Echoes, rumbles, and the sensation of their own humming or laughter can feel very pleasurable. Their whiskers are so sensitive that they can even feel drafts of air from someone speaking in front of them! Because of that, cats with impaired hearing do better with low, rumbling "sounds" rather than high-pitched ones; even when they can't hear either. They can feel lower pitched noises.

(NOTE: Decibels are the measurement of volume, and Hertz are the measurement of pitch. These are different things, NOT interchangeable. HIGH pitch and LOW volume are lost first.)

This is why hunting is so difficult when cats begin to lose their hearing. Their sense of smell and sight can be perfectly intact, but a lot of how a cat hunts is in listening for delicate little sounds and balancing them in both ears to figure out prey's exact location. So, when a cat is learning to hunt without their hearing, they have to rely on their other senses and keep their whiskers low, dusting the ground with their chops and front paws, in hopes of their quarry making a vibration they can feel.

IMPORTANT: Don't forget that cats have carpal whiskers! They are short whiskers on the front paws of a cat, used primarily for "grappling" with other cats and struggling prey. They are less sensitive than facial whiskers, but still very useful for a hearing impaired warrior.

"Dusting," keeping the face low, is still more effective than relying entirely on "Sweeping" movements with the paws.

The younger the cat is, the more time they will have to practice and master this. Cats born deaf, who have never relied on hearing before, are usually better hunters than older warriors learning completely new techniques.

But. Clan cats aren't the only danger in the forest.

A warrior who is deaf or hard-of-hearing will not hear danger approaching, and is easy to sneak up on. Even if they keep themselves completely quiet, an intelligent fox or an enemy warrior can launch an unexpected attack on their unsuspecting target. The wilderness is dangerous, and it's not feasible to keep one's whiskers pressed to the ground at all times, even if vibrations did carry far enough to detect such danger before it's too late.

So, it would be recommended for warriors with hearing loss to not wander too far without a hearing Clanmate capable of alerting them to sounds.

They also will have a VERY difficult time acting as part of a "battalion," in large-scale battles.

In fights with dozens of entangled warriors, while they're focused on fighting the cat in front of them, they will have a hard time hearing commands. Even if well-trained in visual cues like tail signs, deaf and HOH warriors might fail to respond to yowled orders like, "RETREAT" or "SECURE THE ENTRANCE."

Even if the warrior isn't fully deaf, battles are loud and chaotic! It's very likely that such orders would get lost in the clamor of hissing and screeching cats, if the cat has any difficulties with hearing at all.

In summary,

Cats with hearing disabilities are loud.

Hearing loss in one ear will cause the loss of distance perception, and they will often stand at an angle with their good ear facing the noise.

If they were born deaf, they have to learn what makes noise.

Highly tactile, they tend to rely on whisker-sense to "replace" their hearing.

Keeping their facial whiskers low to feel for vibration, "dusting," is a very useful technique.

"Sweeping" with the carpal whiskers is also useful, but less so than "dusting."

They are in increased danger from things sneaking up on them, and shouldn't go anywhere unsafe without a buddy.

Following battle commands in large-scale battles will be difficult or nearly impossible, making them bad "team players."

Communication: Signing, lipreading, and more

(psst! @twiigbranch has a free-to-use version of pawspeak if you credit them!)

Since the majority of these cats lost their ability to hear later in life, most warriors with hearing loss will speak "normally." By "normally," that means they will talk the same way they did their whole lives, just louder so they can hear themselves better.

Over many years, they may begin to stop enunciating their words, 'slurring' their sentences, and their pitch may be a little off. Even then, it's rare that a Clanmate would be able to "tell" they have hearing loss just from their cadence.

But, meanwhile, cats who are born deaf will have a very complicated journey with speech.

It's PIVOTAL for the kit's development that the family and the Clan takes an interest in trying to communicate with them. Deaf children often become isolated from communities that don't seem to care about them, the same way any other alienated child would. This can result in trauma, lack of self-confidence, and behavioral issues.

Even if your project doesn't have Pawspeak (or doesn't have it yet!), kittens WILL find ways to communicate with their family and Clan. Sign language can evolve organically from home signs, unique gestures that will rise for a deaf child to speak with their family. BUT, the sooner they're introduced to a true sign language, the better they will be able to communicate.

Sign languages can also die naturally, simply fading away if the next few generations don't keep them alive. It's possible for the Clans to have gone through a few, over the years!

(Note: Sign languages are full languages, not just "physical versions" of a spoken one. American Sign Language and British Sign Language are from totally different families, even further from each other than English and Russian!)

It is also possible for cats born fully deaf, who have never heard words, to learn how to speak verbally... but, this takes a LOT more time and effort than using a sign language.

Teaching a deaf warrior how to say words is not quick, or easy, and is a very physical process. It involves a lot of dedicated practice time back-and-forth, with the apprentice placing their paw on their mentor's throat to feel their voice, and being coached on how to mimic the exact inflections of every word. It can be very repetitive, and very boring.

Even with lots of training, speakers born deaf have a noticeable "accent." They pronounce consonants better than they do vowels (aeiou), and often lack tone and inflection. Each warrior is an individual, and using a speaking voice is a skill some will be better at using than others.

Lipreading is very difficult. Most warriors born deaf will never learn how to do this, or even want to, as it takes an immense amount of time, effort, and tutoring. It will be more common for cats with more moderate hearing loss, especially if they lost their hearing later in life.

These are REQUIRED for a proper lip reading;

Clear view of the face. If the speaker is too far away, moving around, covers their mouth, stands in a dark place, or has their back turned, their lips can't be read. There are many ways that the view of the face could be obstructed.

Slow, clear speaking. If they're talking too quickly and mumbling their words, it will be extremely difficult to catch all of what they said. A better lip reader will be able to read faster.

Mental awareness. A cat who is tired to exhaustion, unable to focus, or not expecting to be spoken to will not be able to process what's being said. Lipreading is an action that takes brainpower.

MOST IMPORTANTLY: A single speaker, not overlapping with others. Lip reading is nearly useless during clanwide arguments. If there's tons of cats talking over each other, shouting out and interrupting, responding to unseen lips in the crowd, or even if an important speaker is just at a bad angle for the deaf warrior's line of sight to catch, they will not be able to catch everything.

Lipreading is also an action that takes focus. If the cat is tired, unable to concentrate, or isn't expecting to have to read lips, they won't be able to process what words the mouth was forming. It works best one-on-one, in clear lighting, looking straight ahead at the speaker... and even then, the BEST lipreader might only catch 40% to 50% of the words said.

So, it's truly reading. Interpretation. It isn't straightforward like language is. From, "I see a herd of deer, all of them are bucks" they might only catch, "...a... deer... of them... bucks." They will have to guess the meaning based on context!

(Look into a mirror. Quickly chant "Red right wrong" three times. Do you see how similar your lips look to form those words when you're not trying to clearly enunciate them? That's what lipreaders deal with.)

So, while there are other options, a sign language is absolutely the best choice if possible in your setting. Especially for cats who were deaf from birth, sign language is the ideal solution.

VERY IMPORTANT TIPS FOR WRITING A HEARING DISABILITY:

Please avoid them speaking with broken grammar, in third person, or with overly simplistic vocabulary, as if they are a toddler or a caveman. If a deaf cat is taught to speak, they will also learn grammar. BAD: "Examplefur go hunt. Me catch mouse good." OK: "I'm going hunting. I'm good at catching mice."

They will not suddenly "forget" how to speak if they lose their hearing, unless they have another condition such as brain injury.

Lip reading is inferior to signing.

They cannot perfectly catch every single word spoken in all conversations via lipreading, especially when the speaker isn't making an effort to include them, or it's during a disorganized group argument.

In ideal conditions, 30% to 40% of the words spoken will be picked up, and the reader will "fill in" the missing vocab with guesswork.

Teaching a deaf cat to speak verbally is a dedicated process, not something they easily "pick up."

Cats born deaf will almost never pick up lipreading, it is more common in milder forms of hearing loss.

Showing hearing clanmates making an effort to include hearing-impaired warriors, like doing translations or just making sure they understood everything, is massively appreciated.

A good culture around hearing loss is the best thing in the entire world for these cats. Support, respect, and acceptance are sincerely the most important factor in how well a hearing impaired warrior adapts with their disability.

So with that in mind, let's also explore the unique challenges in the terrains and culture of each Clan.

Unique Challenges Clan-by-Clan

Because of the nature of this disability, certain Clans are going to be more difficult for a hearing impaired warrior to function independently in, both in terms of environmental hazards and of culture.

Deaf and HOH warriors will not hear the sounds they're making if they step on noisy terrain or accidentally rustle nearby plants. Some enemies also rely more on stealth to attack their targets than others, and some territories will provide more places for prey and predators to hide. Water-related hazards will naturally cause there to be MORE disabled cats in some Clans more than others, which could mean that there will be less stigma and better community.

Environment means a lot to a cat with hearing loss!

RiverClan

Because this Clan is notorious for swimming in the river, they would have a massively higher rate of hearing loss (and scent loss) than other Clans; ESPECIALLY in late autumn and winter. This also means their healers would be MUCH more experienced with treating ear problems in general; but that's a subject for another guide!

(to answer a stray question before I eventually make that guide: RiverClan can make primitive earplugs out of beeswax to protect their hearing, but may need to trade with ThunderClan to acquire that.)

The important thing to note is that compared to other Clans, RiverClan has the highest rate of having HOH warriors. This means that there would be better support systems for hearing loss than in other Clans, and a cultural "bank" of techniques and knowledge to be shared.

They still have the same proportion of kittens born deaf compared to other Clans, but apprentices without hearing in RiverClan would have a bigger pool (heh!) of mentors who have experience with accommodating their disability.

Plus, you don't need to hear fish to catch them. While they'd still have issues hunting water voles and other wetland-loving rodents, fishers aren't at a significant disadvantage when it comes to providing food to the Clan.

Advantages--

High concentration of cats with similar disabilities provides community, and influences the broader culture to be more accommodating

Healers would have lots of experience with the injuries and illnesses that lead to hearing loss, leading to better treatment

Hearing is not necessary for catching fish, and thus has almost no bearing on how skilled a hunter would be.

Mentors would have better techniques for teaching deaf apprentices

Disadvantages--

Will not hear drowning cats. If you drop into that water you're on your own, bucko

Winter will be even harder than usual, when the river freezes over and fishing becomes more difficult.

Overall, RiverClan is THE best Clan for a deaf cat to be part of.

WindClan

With wide open spaces and lots of hills that offer a good vantage point, sight and vigilance is much more important for survival in a moorland than hearing. There's even an advantage to Pawspeak here; you can communicate from across the open moor without screaming out your location to all the prey!

On top of that, moorland has low-laying vegetation. It isn't a grassland, or filled with splashing water, or covered in crunchy leaf litter. There's not a lot of things TO accidentally make noise on, unless the warrior is trying to hide in a gorse or common heather bush, and WindClan is notorious for relying on speed over stealth anyway.

The one drawback to being a deaf moor-runner is that they will not hear baying hounds. Dogs are extremely common in moorland, either as sheep herders or as companions to human hunters shooting grouses. That said, the fact that hounds are the ONLY big predator they'll need to worry about immediately makes WindClan's moor safer than any woodland territory.

Badgers, boars, and foxes hate open spaces like moorland. It's just dogs that are a big concern, and hawks for smaller cats. There are very few "sneaky" predators in this area; most rely on speed.

So being a moor-runner is one of the best jobs that a warrior with hearing loss could have in the Clans... but the minute that they start to have problems listening to any orders, a tunneler should stop working underground immediately.

Deaf apprentices should be excused from their mandatory tunnel training, except to learn how to do evacuation drills.

There is no light underground. Even if they're capable of creating rushlights or are willing to sacrifice glowworms, that light will be dim at best, and could snuff out at any moment. Communication will become impossible with a deaf cat, and even moderate hearing loss will endanger any warrior who gets separated from their team.

If something as drastic as a cave-in or a flooding happens, they will be in extreme danger. They can't be properly warned unless they're pushed by a fellow digger, and they will not be able to notice anything that isn't rumbling. If they DO end up getting trapped under rubble, they will not hear a rescue party calling their name.

It's not just themselves they have to worry about, either. Not being able to warn or coordinate with their excavation team will put ALL of them in danger.

Advantages--

Moorland requires sharper eyes than ears to begin with.

Lack of ambush predators makes this territory particularly safe without hearing.

Quiet terrain makes sneaking less neccesary in the first place

Pawspeak is especially useful across wide distances

Disadvantages--

Hounds are still a massive danger; they could get very close before they're noticed, if they're upwind.

Will not receive a warning cry in case of any hawks or approaching predators.

Tunneling would be profoundly dangerous with a hearing disability; should be heavily discouraged.

Overall rating is that this is the second best Clan for a cat with hearing loss. RiverClan's sense of community still gives them the top seat imo, but if the attitudes of their Clanmates are good, WindClan's moor is an easy territory to adapt to.

ShadowClan

This one is going to depend on what version of ShadowClan the Erins feel like writing that day, or which one you've chosen for your own project. Do they live in a dry pine forest? Or a wetland?

If you're using the idea that ShadowClan lives in a dry pine forest, especially if your project exists in Britain where spruces, firs, and larches are non-native and thus the territory is a timber plantation, refer to the new growth section in ThunderClan below.

I do not abide by that idea, because Aengus the Prize Winning Hog did not emerge from a cranberry bog for me to disrespect him in this way <3 love ur local wetland <3

(quick note: a swamp is a wooded wetland, a marsh is an open wetland, a bog is acidic, and a fen is neutral/alkaline. Wetland is the general term here.)

Wetlands are rich with soggy ground, muck, and microbe-ridden stillwater. Though ShadowClan cats don't swim for fun, they would end up with more ear infections than most Clans through accidentally falling into the swamp. It's likely that they have the second-highest rate of hearing loss in the 5 Clans, but still significantly below RiverClan.

The lush, thick ferns and reeds provide lots of cover to the notoriously stealthy Clan, but to a warrior who can't hear, this terrain is loud and frustrating. The squish of mud under your paws and the rustle of undergrowth is very hard to adapt to if you can't hear it. ShadowClan's prey of birds, frogs, and water-rodents will respond to any accidental noises by fleeing, quickly, making hunting difficult.

Plus, ShadowClan doesn't rely on one, large, deep, stony body of water like RiverClan does, which seems to be sedimentary rock and open marsh all around. Predators are lurking everywhere in wooded swamps, and could sneak up on a warrior who can't hear them. Foxes, badgers, and boars are a danger in this territory.

All that said; ShadowClan still doesn't seem to rely on just rodents. They eat a lot of amphibians and reptiles, which are not hunted by sound. Most of the techniques they use to catch them can just be taught verbatim to a deaf apprentice, or continue to be used the same way by a warrior who has lost their hearing.

Advantages--

Concentration of warriors with hearing loss from falling into dirty water may provide community and support.

Has a good selection of prey that doesn't rely on listening to be hunted effectively.

Disadvantages--

Swamps, wooded wetlands, are dangerous and attract predators.

Lush foliage and soupy ground make moving quietly difficult for a deaf warrior; but not as difficult as leaf litter.

So, this Clan would be firmly middle-of-the-line in terms of its accessibility to a cat with hearing loss. It would depend a lot on how you plan to approach ShadowClan in your own project; such as if you plan to build out more campbound activities, see them as being social or antisocial with their Clanmates, and what kind of territory you choose for them to have.

SkyClan

As of the time of writing this guide in 2023, when the only decent description of SkyClan's new territory is from a single chapter of Squirrelflight's Hope, it's very difficult to figure out what sorts of terrain challenges a warrior with hearing loss would face at the lake.

Hopefully I can come back and update this later!

But it's most likely is that they have a diverse, varied territory, involving the climbing of steep hills and gorges. Even at the "gorge" territory, a lot of hunting would need to take place outside of the rocky parts of the ravine, in the sparse woodlands and countrysides nearby.

For hunting on sparse woodland, see the advice for ThunderClan. Most hunting in British countrysides is going to look very similar to WindClan's open fields, so refer up there for that.

Because of how close they are to humans, both in the Gorge and at the Lake, it's HIGHLY recommended that warriors with hearing loss avoid twolegplaces. ESPECIALLY towns. Between cars, crowds, and grabbing hands, these places are already dangerous (and sensory hell) for warriors with great hearing, but outright lethal for a hearing impaired cat who won't hear these things coming.

So while the majority of the Clan is jack-of-all-trades and regularly mixes up the particular terrain they hunt in, this is going to be harder for hearing impaired warriors. They have to invent brand new, unique techniques for ALL of these different environments, some of them more difficult than others. Because of that, it will naturally be easiest for a deaf warrior to "specialize" in a particular type of terrain.

This could result in some pretty intense feelings of alienation, as their hearing Clanmates regularly mix what sorts of places they tackle. Without even intending to, they could end up making the warrior feel very left out!

In terms of the culture though, SkyClan seems notoriously accommodating. Between the part-time-kittypet daylight warriors and the way they invented an entirely new mediator role for a cat who didn't enjoy hunting and fighting, it would likely be one of the BEST Clans in terms of supporting a hearing impaired warrior, even in spite of having a "standard" rate of hearing loss since their territory is not particularly wet.

So, it's very likely that they would WANT to fix the fact they've accidentally made their Clanmate excluded, and seek solutions that work for everyone. If any Clan besides RiverClan had a Pawspeak interpreter translating Leafstar's words, it would probably be these guys lmao

Advantages--

Varied terrain means there will be at least a few places that aren't too hard for them to adapt to

Sparse woods, open fields, and even gorges, the three most common terrain types, are at worst decent for a deaf cat to hunt in.

VERY accommodating culture, the absolute best outside of the Clans with a high hearing loss percentage.

Disadvantages--

Generalist training, where every warrior handles vastly different terrain types, will exponentially increase how much training a hearing-impaired warrior must learn.

Being unable to join with their Clanmates in hunting across the entire territory could feel isolating

Rating: Close to top tier, but variable. It's going to depend somewhat on the personality of the warrior. While SkyClan will likely make a big effort to include them, the reality of needing to learn several sets of parallel skills and the way they might feel like an "outsider" for specializing could cause extra distress. Especially for a warrior losing their hearing later in life.

ThunderClan

Because of their collaborative culture and hunting style, described as snobbish and bossy by other Clans, it's very likely that ThunderClan would struggle the most with a specific type of ableism. Since they value group cohesion, it follows they may force Assimilation onto a disabled warrior rather than Accommodation.

As mentioned earlier, Pawspeak is the best thing for the comfort of a deaf warrior... but it might not occur to this Clan to encourage the majority of the Clan to adapt to a minority of warriors.

But it gets worse. Forests are AWFUL terrain to hunt in if you can't hear. Imagine walking in a field with a bunch of invisible landmines, and if you step on one, it broadcasts your EXACT location.

It's difficult to tell if your mouse is running away because you crunched a leaf and made a sound... or because a bird in a tree SAW you and is now raising up an alarm cry. If you can't actually hear what the noise was that scared your lunch away, you might blame yourself for being clumsy as a fox barrels towards you!

When it comes to forests, there are significant differences between an old growth forest and a new growth forest. BOTH of them are going to be extremely difficult for a disabled warrior to adapt to, but old growth is harder.

OLD GROWTH

In both, ground litter is a challenge, but especially so in an old growth British forest. Natural forests there are primarily mixed oak, which drop twigs, leaves, and acorns all over the ground.

These areas are bountiful, productive, and brimming with life. Both in terms of prey and predators. The varied canopy of natural, mixed-age trees allows sunlight to filter through and create an "understorey," providing lots of food and cover to lots of different animals. Unfortunately, foliage is not a deaf warrior's friend.

As previously mentioned, a mix of areas for animals to hide in and a surrounding of rattling plant life is the worst possible combination for a cat who can't hear. Worse, hunting rodents depends massively on hearing them through the leaf litter, thanks to those high-pitched chirps and squeaks which are the first thing to vanish when a cat loses their hearing.

This would be so bad that it's likely ThunderClan "works" its youngest members much harder than its seniors, assigning apprentices and young warriors to significantly more hunting patrols. Since hearing loss is so common that it's practically inevitable, and the security of a Clan allows these wild cats to live to such old ages, it would be "common sense" to ThunderClan to structure things this way.

Old growth patches are practically food pantries for Clan cats, but hearing impaired warriors will have a HELLISH time trying to hunt in them.

NEW GROWTH

When a forest is new and all of the trees in a stand are about the same age, they create a uniform canopy. Like a continuous tent. This means they're so effective at blocking out sunlight that there's virtually no understorey.

No understorey means no food. Or very little food. But it also means no cover. And, usually, significantly less leaf litter. This is because in Britain, most of these types of forests are non-native conifers. Sitka spruce and douglas fir are the two biggest offenders-- and that's significant because nothing here has evolved to EAT the products of those trees.

In ThunderClan, Tallpines is an example of this, but this type of terrain could pop up anywhere that's seen massive destruction.

No understorey to feed prey, no products of the trees which native animals can eat, a silent floor covered in pine needles which offer no hiding places, almost chilling uniformity of the strange trees in evenly-spaced rows...

All of this to say that there's an irony here, that the hearing impaired warrior will be best at hunting in the most barren parts of the forest.

There's much less things to trip up on, or rustle. Prey can be plainly seen out in the open. Gray squirrels are the most significant prey that can utilize these areas, and they DO make a hearty meal for a Clan cat. Additionally, these areas are particularly silent because they're so barren, which might make them seem "creepy" to hearing warriors, but that wouldn't bother a deaf warrior one bit!

Advantages--

Cultural sentiment of "all for one; one for all" may lead to more dedication from the Clan as a whole in connecting to the hearing impaired cat

Which could be a blessing or a curse, depending on the individual warrior's feelings.

Ability to work efficiently in the most barren parts of the forest

Disadvantages--

Cultural emphasis on collaboration in group hunting likely leads to deaf cats being encouraged to adapt to the patrol rather than their own strengths.

May result in more emphasis on teaching lip reading and 'speech therapy,' rather than the adoption or implementation of Pawspeak.

Very difficult to stay quiet in a forest if you can't hear the crunch of leaf litter and twigs.

Lots of cover means random bullshit can spring out from any corner; abundance of ambush predators.

Cover also means there's a lot of places for prey to hide, and hearing can't be used to pinpoint the location.

Lots of rodent prey, which relies on hearing high-pitched noise to catch.

Rating: F MINUS, SEE ME AFTER CLASS. By FAR the worst Clan for a warrior with hearing loss to be part of, for both practical reasons, AND cultural reasons. Awful awful awful, absolutely abysmal, failing grade. Dark Souls for deaf cats

Though remember! This part of the guide is a suggestion. You do not need to include ableism in your own projects if you do not want to, and I hope with the information that you now have, you know how to better avoid it!

"Sources?"

Right this way~

[buckybarnesevents]

Bucky’s Birthday Bash: Bake a Cake Edition!

Your goal is to create something starring the one and only Bucky Barnes with your given Cake!

What’s in a cake!?

Your mix bag contains four components: Base (a universe), Filling (a trope/quote), Frosting (a pairing/add-on character) and Toppings (a little something extra)!

Simply create something with one item from each component and tag us at @buckybarnesevents for us to reblog it by March 10, 2024 and use the tag #BBEbuckybdaybash2024 for this year.

You only need one item from “Toppings”, not one under each sub-category

You can write a different pairing or different characters that are not listed, we just ask that one of the above be included

AO3 Collecion: Bucky's Birthday Bash

Requirements: your works must be tagged appropriately. We accept all forms of creation fic, podfic, art, craft, playlist, song, poem, moodboards, etc. There is no minimum for the event.

Notes: You can combine this with any other event so long as that event also allows it. The prompts are to be used at your discretion and are up for your interpretation. If you’re not sure if something fits, it probably does. We are here to encourage your creativity.

March 10th means that as long as it is March 10th somewhere in the world, you will make it. This means our posting will range from March 9th to March 11th depending on where you are in the world.

[otdiaftg]

The King's Men - Chapter Fourteen

Day: Sunday, March 10th / 11th* Time: 10:05 AM EST

Neil finally risks a look down at his arm. His skin is striped with parallel lines that are black from bloody scabs but not quite deep enough to need stitches. Lola had filled the gaps between them with shallow burns, perfect circles leading from his elbow to an inch shy of his wrist. He'd torn his wrists open on the handcuffs in a way that can't yet scab; the skin is carved out in a shallow line along the scars Riko had given him a few months ago. Dark bruises make a thick band around his wrist and stretches up onto his thumb. His knuckles are burnt so badly Neil has to flex his fingers and make sure they work. For a half-second he is back in that car with Lola's knife on his skin and nowhere to go but six feet under. Neil doesn't know what sound he makes but Andrew's fingers are a sudden and unforgiving weight on the back of his neck. Andrew pushes him forward and holds him down. Neil tries to breathe but his chest is as tight as a rubber band ready to snap. "It's over," Abby says as she gently combs her fingers through his hair. "It's over. You're going to be okay. We've got you." Neil breathes, in-out-in-out, too shallow to reach his lungs, too fast to do him any good. He flexes his fingers again, then clenches them, knowing he is splitting the scabs open, knowing he is pulling at burned flesh trying so hard to heal, but needing to know he still has a grip. He needs to know that his father and Riko have both lost, that he can walk away from this and step back onto the court as Neil Josten. For a moment that single- mindedness is enough to startle a bit of clarity into him, and Neil is desperately grateful he doesn't have the breath to laugh. He knew how panicked it would sound. "Stop it," Andrew says, like it is really that simple. It isn't, but Neil's tangled mix of anger and exasperation is enough to put a hiccup in his gasping. That catch disrupts the frantic pace enough that Neil manages a real breath. He sucks in a second one as deep as he can, then a third as slowly as he can stomach it. His insides are still quaking by the time he gets a sixth, but he is off that ledge and safe in their hands and Neil doesn't care if he feels two seconds from getting violently ill. He goes limp and lets Andrew pull him back upright. Looking at him is safer than facing the damage again, so Neil studies Andrew's profile and lets Abby work.

Art used with permission by Rainbowd00dles. Thank you @rainbowd00dles!

*Due to the Leap Year, I have opted to highlight the day rather than the date to keep the events in occurrence to the 2007 year. I will continue to mark both days accordingly.

[thestarswillspeak]

astrology observations pt 1: natal chart edition

- i can always recognise those with a 12th house stellium or placements. there is a specific aura around them - especially venus in the 12th. the air of otherworldliness is present in everyone with this placement. there is a sense of mysteriousness, and it’s SO alluring lmao. for example: grace kelly, rihanna, alain delon

- people with mars in the 12th conjunct the ascendant may be considered very sexually attractive/desireable by those around them but they are uncomfortable about this, or uncomfortable in their own sexuality/ being considered sexy. it’s the weird dichotomy between a very outgoing placement (mars the planet of sex conjunct the ascendant which is how we present ourselves) but the 12th house being in the mix too. it adds an extra layer of complexity and a certain shyness.

- women with lilith in the first house are irresistible and extremely attractive but may feel objectified frequently. marilyn monroe had this placement

- people with saturn in the second house are probably good with money. they understand the importance of saving and are able to keep themselves under control in that department. this could have stemmed from having to deal with financial problems at an early age

- saturn in cancer may have felt restricted/neglected in their childhood or at home. they may have never felt cared for by their parents

- ceres conjunct saturn is kinda sad tbh especially if it’s at a tight orb. it’s as if saturn overpowers the nurturing nature of ceres and the person feels unworthy or uncomfortable whenever someone attempts to nurture them.

- mercury in the 12th house could find it hard to express themselves/ find the right words to vocalise what they’re thinking. this can be really frustrating.

- moon in 4th house have attachment to the home. for better or for worse. it could be unhealthy, meaning having anxiety about leaving or feeling too connected to the family and losing one’s own individuality. it could also mean simply a deep appreciation for everything the family has given to them and a healthy, sentimental love for the home.

- north node in the 12th house feel drawn to spirituality. like north node in the 8th house, the occult may be of interest too. tarot, witchcraft, astrology etc.

- mars or pluto in the 8th love horror movies lmao

- venus in the 7th tend to idealise every partner they have. everyone is ‘the one’ lol

- this is prob common knowledge but capricorns? i can literally sense you. they are the easiest sun sign to guess. if i think someone is a capricorn and it isn’t their sun, then it’s their rising. the physical appearance (usually dark, sculpted bone structure) or even the aura, it’s really obvious. like it isn’t a coincidence that timothee chalamet, alex turner and damiano david are all capricorns pffft

- saturn in 5th house can feel like their creativity is inhibited for some reason. they could also lowkey kill the vibe at parties accidentally.

- jupiter in the 5th is a lucky placement.

- mars conjunct venus are always attractive. it’s just a fact.

- all the people i know with venus in the 1st house love taking pictures of themselves

- neptune in 10th house may struggle to know what to do in life. they have many different interests

- taurus sun cancer moon is the SWEETEST combination. my best friend has this and is the most genuinely kind person i’ve ever met. (robert pattinson also has this placement which explains his chaotic good energy lmao)

- neptune opposite moon makes a person very sensitive. it’s a difficult aspect. they could feel an obligation to do too much for everyone around them, which is extremely draining.

- gemini risings are pretty easy to recognise. they are bubbly, intelligent and a lot of the time quite blunt.

- saturn square sun could face self esteem issues due to childhood criticism from the father

- mars square jupiter GET WHAT THEY WANT lmao this is an achiever. the square aspect amplifies the enthusiasm and action that comes with these two planets.

[chibrary]

INTERVIEW: "Ferrari, I won't stop believing in it. I see myself as world champion" (La Repubblica, 2022)

source: alessandra retico, la repubblica published: june 15th, 2022 series: f1, 2022

excerpts:

Do you envy Verstappen at all? No and I don't think he envies anything about me either. We are two different drivers, I focus on myself to be the best version of myself, I will never be someone else. I am happy with my development and will continue to evolve.

You're very tidy on the track, are you also very tidy in your private life? No, I'm messy. I reserve order and discipline for motorsport.

In the film [Lightyear], there is a kiss between two women that has already created controversy: does it surprise you? For me, homosexuality is a completely normal thing, I have gay friends, I don't understand how today there are people who don't understand that love is for everyone. F1 must lend a hand to those who don't have such a powerful voice to express difficulties in everyday life.

They have given you many names: predestined, prince, which one do you recognize yourself in? They are all positive and make me very happy, but what I like most is what my father gave me, pins à roulettes when I started racing, I was 4-5 years old, I was all small and you could only see the big helmet.

Were you never afraid? No, never, even if looking back at the accidents I tell myself I was lucky.

What did you buy with your first paycheck? A 1969 Fiat 500, off-white, convertible. The side-by-side? I didn't have too much trouble driving it. Then I went to Indonesia in Bali with my best friends.

A pinhead with wheels underneath. The yellow helmet was so big and he was so small, that his father called him pins à roulettes: "It's the image that corresponds to me and I like best about myself." Even though Dad Hervé is no longer here, Charles Leclerc still goes fast and stings the heart with the same ardor as when he was a child. He has a Ferrari to do it. "I want to become world champion , I will believe in it until it is no longer mathematically possible." Six poles in 8 grands prix but only 2 successes, now he is 3rd behind the Red Bulls of Verstappen and Perez. Two retirements in the last 3 races (Barcelona and Baku) due to reliability problems, in the middle his very bitter Monte Carlo: from 1st to 4th due to a mix-up of strategies. His engine is in Maranello: in Montreal he will fit a new one, to be determined if he will need a fourth turbo which would cost him a penalty.

Still optimistic? I will never give up, this has always been my mentality. I want to win, the World Cup is long. We have to understand the problems we had, they were three tough blows. Not an easy moment, but this doesn't change my motivation.

Doesn't reliability worry you? No, but a lot of attention is needed, the customer teams also had problems. But I have faith in this team and once the problems have been resolved, the pace and performance are there. I believe in it. I may be crazy, but I also believed in the two previous seasons as soon as I put the visor down, even though I could aim for a 10th place at most. This year we're really there, we just need to focus on ourselves and solve the problems as soon as possible. It's an important championship, we have a great opportunity to do well. There is too much positivity when things go well and too much negativity when they go badly. We need to find a balance.

Did you sleep after Munich? I did it, even if it hurt. But already in Baku I reset and got back in very good shape. It will be the same here in Montreal too.

How do you recover from disappointment after delusion? I know well what it means and what it feels like when you win, it's one of the few things that give me such great happiness. It's this that drives me to train every morning. This year we should have had more successes than we have for the reasons we know, but I'm sure it's just a matter of time to get back to where we want to be.

Do you need more calm or a winning mentality? Everyone has their own way of arriving at things. For me, being calm and concentration are fundamental. And when there is an excess of emotions it is important to return to your own bubble without being disturbed.

Do you have anything special about qualifying? I don't know, you can make a difference on the flying lap, because every mistake you make costs you in the end. For now it's gone well, I understand the car enough. But I'm also happy with the race which was my weak point in 2019, I worked on it and I think I improved a lot.

Compared to your partner, Sainz, you seem to have more confidence with the car. I can't speak for Carlos, this year I prepared better than in the past. Lots of simulator and in the pre-season tests I tried things that perhaps didn't make sense but I didn't want to overlook anything and be as ready as possible for the first race, there I wanted to be where I am and give it my all. It paid off. These new cars are difficult to drive and the details of going fast have changed. All the drivers have made mistakes and it's up to me to make as few as possible. I take risks, like in Imola. Even when you can't see it. I think it's the right approach and for now I'm happy.

Do you envy Verstappen at all? No and I don't think he envies anything about me either. We are two different riders, I focus on myself to be the best version of myself, I will never be someone else. I am happy with my development and will continue to evolve.

How did you miss the plane to Montreal? I went home on Monday. The flight from Nice to Paris was delayed. So I missed the connection but then I arrived safe and on time.

You're very tidy on the track, are you also very tidy in your private life? No, I'm messy. I reserve order and discipline for motorsport.

What do you write in the notebooks you read during free practice?

Everything: my feelings on the car and the things I want to try on the track. I get lots of ideas so I write them down so I don't forget them. And I write them in pen so I'm sure I'll find them again, before I used an app on the tablet which often deleted it all.

You voiced a character in the Disney Pixar film, Lightyear: The True Story of Buzz . Do you feel like a superhero? No. I feel like a normal person, even if I do a sport, I don't call it work, very special which isn't for everyone. I'm just lucky.

In the film there is a kiss between two women that has already created controversy, does it surprise you? For me homosexuality is a completely normal thing, I have gay friends, I don't understand how today there are people who don't understand that love is for everyone. F1 must lend a hand to those who don't have such a powerful voice to express difficulties in everyday life.

What are you like in everyday life? I have a routine: diet, gym, rest. Discipline is the biggest change I've made. In a year like this I want to be at 110% for 22 races. Will we get to 24? I'll be even fitter.

They have given you many names: predestined, prince, which one do you recognize yourself in? They are all positive and make me very happy, but what I like most is what my father gave me, pins à roulettes when I started racing, I was 4-5 years old, I was all small and you could only see the big helmet.

You play the piano. If F1 were a musical genre, what would it be? A very strange mix between classical and rock and roll. I think it's an exercise in adaptation between aggressiveness in qualifying and gentleness in tire management in the race. Playing helps me, I did it as a child, my brother Arthur is very good, I I started again during the pandemic by taking back the piano that was from my mother.

Don't you sing? Sometimes in the shower. Out of tune? I don't know, I just wouldn't have the courage to do it in front of someone. Poor Seagull sung in Bahrain? A joke with some of the team. I prefer to invent on the piano, it's something I share with my girlfriend Charlotte who will become an architect in two months. Like me, she is very creative.

Is creativity also useful for being a pilot? You need speed, precision, concentration. And courage. Let's take Jedda: a very fast track, close walls. There you feel the risk you're taking but you have to go and not think about it, this is what I like about this sport. I know it's dangerous, but I like to play with limits.

Were you never afraid? No, never, even if looking back at the accidents I tell myself I was lucky.

What did you buy with your first paycheck? A 1969 Fiat 500, off-white, convertible. The side-by-side? I didn't have too much trouble driving it. Then I went to Indonesia in Bali with my best friends.

You love fashion, when will your first clothing line be launched? I would like to do it in the future, it is one of my passions, I believe that fashion is a means of expressing oneself without speaking. For now I am content with wearing things that I like. My mind is busy trying to win the Championship.

Have you already booked your summer holidays? In Sardinia with my friends on my Riva boat. Then in Ibiza with the family, but I remain focused: gym and equipment within reach.

Who will you cheer for at the World Cup in Qatar? Since there is no Monaco and Italy, France.

How do you see yourself at the end of the year? World champion and that's it.

[tokyo-daaaamn-ji-gang]

If you could join one of the gangs in Tokyo Revengers which one would you join and why?

That is a very good question lmao. Ok so it's probably easy to break it down from the main gangs we see.

Tokyo Manji gang- Maybe, they definitely seem like the obvious choice. They're loyal and have arguably the best morals among the gangs. But they're always in trouble????? Someone is always trying to hunt their members down so it's risky but would still join them.

Moebius- Definitely not, I mean we see what they're like and how they operate.

Valhalla- Also no, ngl despite them supposedly being more ruthless then moebius I would be more open to joining them (the Kazutora effect). But no, they don't seem like a very good gang to be in (the jackets are still very cool though, maybe I would join just for a jacket).

Black dragons 10th gen- They actually seem to be a bit of a mixed bag? Like they're a bad gang but as far as I can tell as long as their members stay in line they're treated ok. That being said I wouldn't like strictly following all the rules.

Black dragons 8th/9th gen- They both seem to operate similarly so they're together. We don't know much about them besides that they ruined the black dragons though so going off of that, no.

Black dragons 1st gen- Another maybe, we really don't know much but they seem to be a lot like toman. Plus the founders have a fun dynamic, wouldn't mind hanging out with them.

Tenjiku- ngl I have no idea where to put this one. Because obviously they're known for being brutal and not good guys. But I still like them a lot and would want to hang out with them. It would be hazardous for my health but when have I ever made good decisions before???

Rokuhara tandai- Another one that I know is not good and would be hazardous for health especially with South around but I also kinda wanna hear him sing.

Brahman- Would join them, having a girl as a leader is such a plus, like not being the only girl on a gang. Also have cool uniforms and although they do a few shady deals they mostly seem like good guys.

Kantou manji gang/bonten - absolutely not, no way. Mikey is a ticking time bomb. Sure it's fun to think about but if this was my actual life then no. Real life is very rarely the same as fics.

[anonymouslyel]

"you'd never look back"

skimming through the manga to find a certain akihiko panel and by god mr. realtor was so on point when he said this to akihiko

from an underground basement to a rooftop penthouse

from small windows that "didn't let it much light" to big windows with "not a bad view of the sky"

from "it was soundproofed" to "noisy ass place! i can't hear myself think!"

from "i didn't even know there was an annual fireworks show for this holiday" to "they do fireworks around here in the summer. ... i bet you can see them from here"

bonus is kizu's notes saying "i gave akihiko a questionable apartment that's seen better days" & "it seems the company that owns the downstairs apartment might be a front for something"

[nwjws]

in my head - yjw (teaser)

read here!

; pairing - jungwon x fem!reader

; synopsis - you’ve hated jungwon ever since you two met on the train to hogwarts back in first year; he’s self-centered, lazy, and always coming out for you. now in your seventh year, you’ve been named head girl (woohoo!). unfortunately, the head boy position was given to the one and only yang jungwon (boohoo…). with no other choice, you’re forced to face the annoyingly attractive boy and work with him for the rest of the year - if you can even last that long.

; wc (teaser) - 416 (full story estimated to be 10k)

; release - september 10th.

; tags - ravenclaw! headboy!jungwon, slytherin! headgirl!reader, rivals to lovers, enemies to lovers, hogwarts au (with a modern twist), bc they have tablets and stuff

; warnings - yn trips, flashes people, wants to slap jungwon, just a lot of hostility between them in general..

everyone’s eyes are on you as you stand up at the front of the great hall while the headmaster - professor bang si hyuk - introduces you as this year’s head girl. looking at all the students staring back up at you, you almost feel proud of yourself (keyword: almost). 

you’d think someone would be overjoyed at being acknowledged and recognised enough to have been given such a high position, but you aren’t. 

instead, you’re silently fuming, just barely keeping your temper in check as you plaster a fake smile on your face. your eye twitches as you hear a low chuckle from-

“the head boy, yang jungwon!” the headmaster announces. cheers erupt from around the room, all clapping for their new heads. 

“i can feel the waves of anger practically radiating off of you,” he murmured quietly.

yang jungwon. 

the boy you despised so much. 

listen, you don’t really hate anyone, but you’re pretty sure that what you feel towards the boy you called ‘yang’ is close enough.

in all your six years at hogwarts, you two have constantly been at each other’s throats. arguments often broke out between you in corridors; fights wherein one would end up stupefied or thrown against the wall; even little sabotages against each other that were subtle enough that teachers could pass off as an accident or your own fault rather than the other’s. 

for example, back in third year, yang had tripped you on your way into the great hall after everyone got off the hogwarts express. you had flashed everyone behind you and scraped your knee when you landed on the ground.

although no one saw him do it, you immediately knew who the culprit was, especially when he smirked down at you over his shoulder as he walked ahead. oh how badly you wanted to slap that smile off his face in the moment.

you retaliated the next week by mixing his white laundry with red clothes, so he was forced to attend his classes with pink uniform until he got new shirts. nothing satisfied you more than the glares he sent your way throughout the first day of his pink week, you could feel him boring holes into the back of your head even when you weren’t looking.

now, a sigh escapes you as you think of the (eventful) year coming up. spending the last year of your studies with your arch nemesis wasn't what you had in mind, but it surely can't be that bad, right?

; taglist (closed!) - @wonuslust @enhacatalog @makiswrld @forjungwons @yebin14 @lovelovelovebts @amanda-archives @beomgyusonlywife @bbinwrld @em-asian @enhamysunshines @ahnneyong @jungwonscafe send an ask or comment on this post to be tagged when the full fic is up!

[snowfll]

Then could I req a Lamina x capitol mentor reader fic where Reader is mentoring Lamina and after she wins she meets up with Reader again before she leaves. Lamina breaks down in readers arms from the guilt and etc with reader just comforting her (need some good hurt/comfort in my life rn) Thank you so much and take care! Feel free to take your time! - N

Promise?; Lamina

pairing - Lamina x Mentor!reader summary - Winning the 10th annual hunger games was not an easy task for Lamina, but you were there by her side through it all. Now, she had to go home—what is she going to do without you? words - 2.63 k warning- fluff! none! note - omg I'm actually in love with this, thank you so much for requesting it! It took longer to write than I expected, so I made it a little longer to make up for the wait! I hope you like, and please request more for Lamina—I'm so in love with her.

The news of becoming a mentor for the tenth annual Hunger Games struck you with a mix of frustration and resentment. The idea of relying on someone from the districts to secure your future in the Capitol was a bitter pill to swallow. The prize money, your lifeline for advancement, now hinges on the performance of a tribute.

Navigating the elite world of the Capitol Academy as a student from a less privileged background presented its own set of challenges. How you were accepted into the academy in the first place was a mystery in itself. Nonetheless, you were grateful for the opportunity you were given.

Your peers labeled you as ‘the quiet girl’ originating from your passion to read, in stark contrast to those who reveled in the social scene. The lack of wealth and connections meant you were an outsider, perceived as a freak in the prestigious academy.

Your peer’s disinterest in associating with you was mutual, creating an unspoken understanding of separation. While they indulged in weekend partying, you found comfort in the pages of books.

Despite the social divide, your academic expertise demanded recognition. Being one of the top students forced your peers to acknowledge your presence, meaning they had to tolerate you, and you had to tolerate them.

As the reaping day unfolded, the air hung heavy with anticipation. The news of a difference in this year's Plinth Prize reached you beforehand, a piece of information that carried weight beyond the customary tributes’ selection.

Sejanus Plinth, the one person who genuinely liked you, became a crucial ally in navigating the intricacies of the Capitol. Bonding over shared backgrounds that Capitol elites despised, your connection with Sejanus transcended the superficial norms of the academy. In a world where trust was a rare find, the two of you became close, sharing your hopes and fears.

Sejanus’s decision to disclose the altered details spoke volumes about the depth of your friendship. He recognized your deserving nature and understood the potential setback this change could inflict on your aspirations. Leaving you in the dust was not an option for him.

Before Dean Highbottom assigned the tributes to everyone, you told yourself you wouldn’t help whoever you got—they were district after all, and they certainly weren’t worthy of your assistance. The most you would do was introduce yourself and help whenever there were cameras on you. It’s what your fellow peers said they were going to do, so it must have been the correct way to go about being a mentor.

However, the moment you saw Lamina on the screen, your entire world flipped. Her tear-streaked face and heavy breathing elicited an unexpected wave of pity. In that moment, the stark contrast between her vulnerability and the impending games overwhelmed you.

The realization struck—Lamina, in your eyes, didn’t deserve the grim fate that awaited her. It became evident that, compared to her district partner, Lamina seemed unprepared and unfit for the brutal challenges that lay ahead.

Lamina looked to be around the age of sixteen or seventeen, only a year or two younger than you. You didn’t want to help her—you told yourself you wouldn’t. As you sat contemplating in the aftermath of the reaping, thoughts swirled about how you could protect Lamina in the arena. Perhaps, against all your odds, your guidance could be the key to helping Lamina navigate the perilous games and emerge alive.

In the hushed days following the reaping, a quiet anticipation enveloped you. The impending arrival of the tributes heightened the tension. During the limited time since Lamina became your responsibility, you delved into research and strategized different ways to keep her alive.

You weren’t excited about the games, not one bit, but you wanted to do anything in your power to help her. Unbeknownst to yourself, genuine care for her well-being had taken root, eclipsing the initial distant image you projected.

As soon as you heard the news of the tributes being held at the Capitol Zoo, you rushed out of class. Coriolanus had already met his tribute, having leapt into the van upon their arrival. It was only fair that you were able to visit your tribute as well.

Walking out of the classroom without a care in the world, you made your way to the home of the tributes. Dean Highbottom’s stern voice echoed after you, demanding your return to the classroom. Ignoring his calls, you pressed on towards the zoo with the determination to meet Lamina.

Arriving at the Capitol Zoo, you found Lamina sitting amidst the rocky surroundings, her spirit somehow untouched by the harshness that surrounded her. Despite the misery etched on her face, there was a quiet grace and a fragile beauty that persisted through the pain and suffering.

As you approached the caged area, Lamina looked up, her curious eyes meeting yours. Her tear-streaked face seemed to soften in response to your arrival; a subtle smile graced her lips—you couldn’t help but smile seeing the girl in a happier mood. The quiet grace she emanated amidst the harsh environment hinted at a resilience that intrigued you. How could one look so elegant while being held in a zoo enclosure?

“Lamina?” you began cautiously. She stood up, approaching you with a lingering smile. Her district partner accompanied her, pulling her back while sharing hushed words in her ear. He cast a protective glance your way as Lamina whispered back, loud enough for you to hear. “It’s okay, Treech. She seems friendly.”

You offered a small, reassuring smile to both of them, attempting to convey trustworthiness. Lamina, her eyes reflecting a mixture of curiosity and uncertainty, broke the brief silence, asking, “Are you my mentor?”

You nodded, affirming her question. “Yes, I’m going to help you in any way I can," you assured, hoping to instill a sense of comfort in the midst of the uncertainty that lay ahead.

“Promise?” Lamina asked, her gaze filled with hope as she searched for reassurance.

You met her eyes with sincerity; the weight of the promise was reflected in your response. “I promise, Lamina. I will get you out of this.”

Throughout her time in the Capitol, you found yourself making frequent visits to Lamina. There was no specific reason or agenda—your visits were driven solely by the desire to be in her presence. Though many mentors faked their appearance with their tributes, your intentions were clear; you wanted to offer comfort and support during the challenging moments she faced.

As the day in the arena unfolded, you discovered the depth of your feelings for Lamina. Watching as Treech, her district partner, left her on her own so he could join Coral’s pack, a surge of emotions welled up within you.

As Lamina looked heartbroken in the aftermath of Treech’s departure, a strong desire to cheer her up consumed you. The genuine care you felt for her welled up, surpassing the boundaries of a mentorship.

Unable to stand idly by, you pulled Lamina into your body, embracing her in a reassuring hug. “You’ll be okay, Lamina,” you whispered in her ear. “You don’t need him. You are strong on your own, and I’ll do anything to make sure you’re safe in the arena.”

Lamina, though initially surprised, gradually eased into the embrace. “Thank you,” she said, her voice carrying a mix of gratitude and vulnerability.

A few minutes later, a deafening explosion echoed through the arena, accompanied by screams that sent shivers down your spine. In an instant, instinct kicked in, and your first thought was to shield Lamina from the impending danger.

Without a second thought, you covered her with your own body; any concern for your own safety was overcome with a protective instinct. The echoes of chaos surrounded you as the bomb wreaked havoc, but in the moment, your sole focus was on keeping Lamina safe.

Amidst the falling debris, Lamina’s voice quivered. “What’s happening?”

“Keep your head low,” you urged, your own voice steady despite the turmoil. “We’ll be okay. Just stay close, Lamina.”

As you brought Lamina closer to the entrance, she clung onto you, fear and reluctance present in her eyes. She didn’t want to leave your side, finding a sense of security in your presence amidst the chaos. However, as you moved, two peacekeepers approached, their authoritative presence demanding compliance.

Lamina tightened her grip, and you tried to reassure her, “It’ll be okay, Lamina. I’ll meet you straight away; just let them get you to safety.” Despite your attempt to ease her worries, the peacekeepers intervened, firmly grabbing her. Lamina, reluctant to be separated, cast a desperate look back at you, silently pleading for you to stay with her.

After the tumultuous events in the arena, you found solace in spending every moment of the day with Lamina. Your connection had deepened, transcending the confines of mentorship. In the aftermath of the chaos, your presence became a source of comfort for her, and you, too, found a sense of purpose in being by her side.

Whether it was strategizing for the challenge ahead, offering words of encouragement, or simply sharing quiet moments, the atmosphere shift was clear as day, the tension of the arena replaced by moments of connection. As you exchanged playful banter, the laughter flowed effortlessly.

“You know, I think you might be the best thing that happened to me.” As you teased Lamina, a playful glint in your eyes, you continued, “In a place like this, finding something good is like stumbling upon a rare gem. And I have to say, you’re my gem, Lamina.”

She chuckled softly, a blush tinting her cheeks. “Well, you’re not so bad yourself.”

You smiled, the sincerity in your gaze matching the warmth in your words. “We might be the first pair to turn the Capitol’s Hunger Games into a love story.”

“Well, isn’t that a plot twist?” She responded, her eyes meeting yours with a smirk on her face.

As the banter continued, a subtle shift occurred. The teasing smiles transformed into something deeper—an unspoken connection sparking between you. Lamina, with a hint of vulnerability, admitted, “When my name was reaped, I never expected to find something like this.”

You leaned in, the distance between you shrinking as you whispered, “Sometimes, unexpected things are the best things.” The words lingered in the air, your eyes glancing down at her lips before making their way back to meet her eyes.

In the charged atmosphere, Lamina closed the gap, her lips meeting yours through the bars of the enclosure. The kiss went on longer than expected, and you smiled into it, realizing neither one of you was willing to let go first.

When you finally pulled apart, the smiles remained, and your forehead naturally rested against Lamina’s. The unspoken emotions hung in the air, a promise of companionship and shared determination.

“Now, there’s no chance I’m letting you die in that arena,” you declared, the gravity of the statement stained with a newfound depth of connection between you and Lamina.

In the face of the challenges and dangers within the arena, you remained true to your promise. You didn't let Lamina face the grim fate that awaited her. Through strategic planning, shared determination, and unwavering support, you guided her to victory.

As the final moments unfolded and Lamina emerged as the victor, a sense of relief and accomplishment swept over both of you. For you, it wasn’t the Plinth Prize that made you so cheery—in fact, you forgot about the award. You simply needed her alive; her survival was enough for you.

As Lamina prepared to return home, there was an assortment of emotions—relief, gratitude, and a subtle touch of unworthiness. As you sat together, there was a shared understanding that transcended words. The bond formed within the games had become a defining chapter in both of your lives.

You held each other’s gaze, silent acknowledgment passing between you. In that quiet moment, you watched as Lamina struggled with her feelings. Her face wore a sad expression, and you couldn’t help but share in her sorrow. Despite the triumph of winning and surviving the Hunger Games, there was a weight on Lamina’s shoulders that overshadowed the expected joy.

“Hey,” you spoke gently, breaking the silence between you and Lamina. “What’s wrong, honey?” The concern in your voice mirrored the empathy in your eyes as you observed the gloom etched on her face.

Lamina hesitated for a moment, her eyes meeting yours, before she finally sighed. “I should be happy, right? I won. I survived,  but..." Her voice trailed off, tears beginning to well up in her eyes.

You reached out, placing a comforting hand on hers. “Surviving the games doesn’t mean you have to be happy all the time. It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling. Why don’t you tell me what’s on your mind?” The sincerity in your question enticed her to share the burden of emotions that seemed to weigh on her.

She hesitated before opening up even more. “I don’t deserve this—to have won, to live while the others are gone.” She paused, taking a breath, allowing her to continue her rant. “Treech, he did what he needed to do to survive—leaving me was good on his part, and he still didn’t make it. Why was I the one to make it out alive? It doesn’t make any sense.”

You squeezed her hand gently, offering a reassuring smile. “Winning is a tremendous accomplishment, but it doesn’t erase the challenges or the pain. It’s okay to feel a range of emotions, Lamina.”

Lamina went on to go into detail about the events that occurred in the arena—especially the ones you didn’t witness. How she had to kill multiple tributes to ensure her safety. How after the first few kills, she felt like she couldn’t stop.

“I’m so scared of losing all control, like I did in the arena." She told you through sobs, the fear of losing control, of becoming someone unrecognizable, was etched in her eyes.

You listened empathetically, recognizing the weight of the survivor’s guilt that burdened her. The aftermath of the Hunger Games had left her grappling with the harsh reality of loss and the difficult choices made for survival.

“What happened doesn’t define you," you assured her. “You were thrust into an unimaginable situation, forced to make choices for survival. It’s natural to feel scared, but remember, you’re not alone. I may not be with you in the districts, but I will always be there for you in spirit.”

As your words sank in, Lamina’s tears flowed even more freely. Through her tears, she choked out, “What am I gonna do without you near me?”

You reached out to gently wipe her tears away, your own eyes reflecting the pain of the impending separation. “Lamina, you are stronger than you think. You’ve already faced the worst. I will visit as much as the Capitol allows me; this isn’t goodbye,” you reassured her, your voice carrying a mixture of determination and comfort.

“Promise?”

“I promise. You can’t get rid of me that easily, honey.”

[izunaweek]

IZUNA WEEK 2024 PROMPTS

🔥🔪February 4 - February 10🔪🔥

more info under the read more!

Uchiha Izuna Week 2024 Prompt List:

February 04th: Kotoamatsukami • Coup • Everyone Dies AU

February 05th: Rinne Tensei • Hunt • ASoIaF AU

February 06th: Hiraishin • Stargazing • Professional Sports AU

February 07th: Gōkakyū • Amnesia • Always at Peace AU

February 08th: Genjutsu • Time Loop • MXTX AU

February 09th: Kunai • Sacrifice • Superpowers AU

February 10th: Birthday • Free Day

How the prompts works:

Every day of our Izuna Week 2024 has a set of three alternative prompts, one from each of our three prompt categories, which are:

Naruto-specific: what it says on the tin. Here you’ll find techniques and concepts specific to the Naruto-verse as prompts.

Trope: all those good old fandom tropes we love (or hate). Can be interpreted in very wide ways.

AUs: there are infinite alternative universes, so we decided to differentiate these a bit further. The Izuna Week 2024 will have two prompts each from Canon Divergence AUs, Franchise AUs, and General AUs!

ASoIaF AU: A Song of Ice and Fire, epic fantasy novel series by George RR Martin. (Adapted onscreen as Game of Thrones and more recently, House of the Dragon)

MXTX AU: Chinese author well-known for her danmei/BL novels. This AU prompts refers to any of her novels such as Mo Dao Zu Shi (Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation) or Tian Guan Ci Fu (Heaven Official's Blessing).

The final day, Izuna’s birthday on February 10, is a Free Day! It's also of course Izuna's Birthday.

Prompt Guidelines:

You’re very welcome to interpret any prompt however literally or loosely you want.

You can use one, two, or all of the prompts of a given day.

Mixing and matching prompts from different days is allowed as well, of course! Just let us know which prompts your final piece uses.

You can create for one day, all days, or anything inbetween. There’s no minimum or maximum for creation!

You submit your work by posting it on Tumblr and using @izunaweek (tumblr) to notify us. Please also tag #izunaweek2024 and the prompts you used.

Check out our carrd for the rules & FAQ!

We have an event Discord server you can join here. This is completely voluntary, of course!

AI generated works are not allowed.

If you have further questions, feel free to reach out via ask or DM!

[bonefall]

BB Brief: The 9 Lives System

Quickie thing to answer asks with. How does the 9 Lives system work in BB?

BASICS, PULSARS

At its simplest, when the previous leader dies, the deputy makes a pilgrimage to the Moonplace (Stone or Pool) and receives 9 entire lives from Starclan. Yes, NINE. The 10th, the one you started with, remains in the afterlife.

This is called your "Pulsar," a concept somewhat like a "soul." The difference is that only cats in the Clan Afterlife System get Pulsars, where all cats have souls. A leader's 9 deaths will slowly fill in that very faint pulsar, until their final death combines them with it.

Most Clan cats simply die and their soul immediately becomes a full, solid pulsar upon reaching the Afterlife. But this is about Leaders.

Until the MODERN ERA (BB!TBC, the "current day" in BB) the previous leader HAD to be dead before the deputy could receive a life.

Pinestar and Brokenstar were not dead, ergo, Sunstar and Nightstar could not receive their lives.

No lives until the previous leader is dead and their pulsar is filled. ALIVE? NO LIVES!

The Clan cats are currently, as we speak, inventing a ritual to strip an ousted leader of their lives without killing them. "Alive? No Lives!" was a rigid rule for most of Clan history, but will soon have an exception if the ritual is performed.

Lives can be for any reason the Patron sees fit, but most of them are wishes or advice on how they hope the new leader rules.

LIVES COME FROM CATS YOU HAVE A CONNECTION TO. You will never receive a life from a spirit you do not recognize, or are unfamiliar with. (Elder Bones doesn't do pointless fanservicey cameos in this house)

Only 9 and no more. No, you cannot "replenish" lives or get extras.

LIFE DENIAL AND THE DARK FOREST

You do not get a 9-life guaruntee. It's uncommon, but if you don't have enough cats who want to see you rule for a long time, you won't get all 9. Because of this, leaders are encouraged to keep the details of their ceremony secret.

StarClan may also choose to "delay" lives. Blackstar was only given one life freely, the rest he earned over many years of repeated pilgrimages and trials as penance for his role in TigerClan.

It was unprecedented for Tigerstar to be outright and utterly rejected by StarClan when he went to receive his own. Instead, he went to the Dark Forest to recieve lives, both from demons and rebellious angels. And a surprise.

You can receive a mix of Dark Forest and StarClan lives, but StarClan will almost certainly damn you for taking forbidden lives.

There are extreme situations where there may not be enough ancestors to give the full set-- Spiderstar of SkyClan only received 3 due to a terrible rat problem.

Cats outside of the Clan cat afterlife cannot bestow lives, as they only have a normal soul, not a pulsar.

A leader's pulsar can be sent to the Dark Forest while they're still alive. This results in nightmares and dreams of the Place of no Stars.

MIRACLES

StarClan's power is directly tied to its collective emotion. It's known best for its devastating fury with lightning-strike smites and covering the moon with clouds, but they can also perform acts of great love or sorrow.

One example of that was the resurrection of tigerHeartstar, after seeing her father announce to the heavens that his daughter is his deputy before plunging into the Moonpool with her body. As his lives drowned away, sinking further and further, StarClan was so inspired that it restarted the dead deputy's heart, using Rowanstar's last life to do so.

The flip side to this is that it is very possible for a life donor to give you a curse instead of a gift... though, it's almost unheard of, and most certainly only something that comes from the Dark Forest...

[nessinborderland]

V-E-N-U-S (03)

Pairing: Rafe x plus size!Reader

Genre: smut, dark-ish fic

Word Count: 6 ,2k

Warnings ⚠️ Mildly Dubious Consent, Enemies to Lovers, more like Enemies to Enemies That Fuck tbh, Rafe Cameron Being an Asshole, mentions of bullying, Vaginal Sex, Oral Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Rough Sex, Mentions of death of a parent, Drinking, Drug Use, Rafe needs therapy asap, fatphobia, Other Additional Tags to Be Added

Summary: The nickname he had given you in 8th grade was supposed to be ironic. In Rafe’s defense, he used to be a pretty stupid and cruel fourteen-year-old, as most kids that age are. So yeah, nicknaming the fat and nerdy chick Venus – like the goddess of sex and beauty – had been pretty hilarious in young Rafe's opinion.

What he would've never guessed was how much that name would fit you now as a grown woman.

Notes: Here is part 3! Enjoy 💖

AO3 | Masterlist | Part 1

You felt like you could finally breathe when you set foot inside your house, the familiar scent of beef strogonoff making your stomach grumble as you realized you were starving. You knew it wasn’t healthy, but you rarely got hungry while working, doing a shift without much more than a granola bar and yogurt in your stomach.

But you were home now, and your body knew it, muscles relaxing and mouth salivating at the prospect of finally sitting down and having a nice meal. Maybe then you would forget about your shitty day – in particular your last conversation with Rafe. That had really soured your mood, a tension in your shoulders and neck that was starting to give you headaches.

Locking the door behind you, you dropped your backpack on a chair and sat on the floor with a tired exhale, taking off your shoes before fully laying down on the wooden surface, dust and dog fur in your hair be damned. Your whole body needed a break, your feet in particular; they always hurt like a bitch after a long shift of standing up and walking around.

The noise of loud indie rock came somewhere from the back of the house, and you could hear kid music and cartoons coming from the living room, just to your right. A tip-tapping sound from the hallway made you look up, and a smile stretched your lips as you were approached by the only family member to always greet you at the front door.

“Hey old man, how was your day?” you cooed as you sat up to pet K-Nine behind the ears, just how he liked it.

The old German Shepard mix wagged his tail from side to side as he excitedly tip-tapped his nails on the floor, trying to welcome you with a lick to the face that you promptly dodged with a chuckle. Your dad had let you pick K-Nine on your 10th birthday, and, in a way, this dog was like a part of your father that was still with you. It hurt watching him get older and start to prefer naps instead of long walks outside.

After a quick cuddle and a pet to his graying muzzle, you stood up and walked into the living room together, where your younger brother sat on the couch with his full attention on the TV.

“Hello, Kev,” you greeted when you passed by the couch, being completely ignored even when you ruffled his hair as you walked towards the open kitchen. “Bluey is that good huh?...” you muttered under your breath before smiling at your mother. “Hey, Mom, smells good!”

“Hey, sweets, you got home just in time,” greeted your mother, sending you a tired smile as she set the table. You hurried to help her, knowing that – no matter how tired you were – your mother would be ten times worse. “How was work today?”

“Work was okay, got some good tips,” you said as you took out the orange juice from the fridge and set it on the table. “How was your day?”

“Exhausting,” She said as she sat at the table with a tired sigh, a smile still on her lips. “But cleaning rich people’s houses does have its perks – Mrs. Lockwood gave me some good clothes her son doesn’t use anymore, so that’s one less thing I have to worry about – I swear that your brothers are growing like weeds.”

“That’s nice of her,” you said with a forced smile; your mom was always thankful for the things her employers at Figure 8 gave her, didn’t matter if they were second-hand or not – but you still remembered how kids used to bully you over it. You just hoped your brothers didn’t go through the same. “Have you been taking your new medication? Doctor Marsh said you weren’t supposed to feel this tired after a few weeks of taking it, right?”

“Yeah, but I don’t think it’s working,” she muttered with a shake of her head, eyes down on the napkin she was folding. “They help a bit with the pain, but I still feel so drained…”

“Maybe you should do some more exams?” you asked as you grabbed the plates and started serving the still piping hot food, the smell making your stomach grumble again. “We can go early tomorrow if you want, I only start work at five.”

“And mess even more with your college savings?” she asked in what you knew was a rhetorical tone. “I’m not doing that.” Then she turned to your younger brother, still watching his cartoons like they were the only thing in the room. “Kev, honey, go call your brother for dinner, please – Kevin, now.” Then she turned to you again. “Fibromyalgia won’t kill me, I can manage. Let’s just focus on getting you into college for now, I’m not having you stuck on this island waiting tables for the rest of your life.”

You gave her a resigned nod, setting the plates on the table before sitting down at your usual place in front of her, noticing the bags under her eyes and the silver in her hair – she had aged so much since being diagnosed two years ago. You didn’t like the fact that your mother refused to get all the help she needed; yes, there was no cure for her condition, but there were treatments to alleviate the symptoms, which she just refused to do if it involved touching your savings.

At times, it frustrated you more than just a little. You would rather your mother enjoyed her life comfortably with no pain than go to college; it was not like your major of choice was going anywhere, anyway.

The arrival of your brothers stopped you from pressing on the matter again, and dinner went by as it always went, with silly conversations that made you laugh and your worries disappear, allowing you to enjoy these little moments when everything was fine.

No work, no stress, no drama.

It was now almost ten-thirty in the evening, and your mother and Kevin were already long asleep while you relaxed on the couch with K-Nine sprawled belly up between you and David. Mom had only recently allowed him to watch scary movies, and the kid was obsessed, to say the least. So, it had become tradition, for the past few months, to watch a horror movie every Friday and Saturday night after dinner, which you were happy to oblige.

David was very noticeably going through puberty right now, and sometimes the only way to get him out of his room was to convince him to either go to the movies or watch something on the TV. Netflix was a luxury you were willing to pay for if it allowed you these special moments with him.

“Do you believe in demons?” David murmured as you watched the final shot of Annabelle in a glass enclosure fade to black before the credits rolled.

“Sure do,” you snorted as you stretched your stiff muscles with a yawn. “See them all the time at my job.”

The boy tilted his head to the side, brows furrowing.

“Uh, do you mean Kooks?”

“Kooks. Demons. They’re pretty much the same thing,” you replied with a specific person in mind. “Why? You scared?”

“I’m thirteen, of course I’m not scared,” he said with an eye roll that could match your own, helping you fold the blanket you had used before adding with a small shrug, “Just wondering…”

“Well, I don’t think we have to worry about demons, so you’re good.”

“Hmm…” He looked lost in thought as he hesitantly asked, “And what about ghosts? Do you think they’re real?”

“Not really.” Something sounded off, you could see it in his faraway gaze, the way he chewed on his bottom lip, shoulders sagged. “Why do you ask, Davie?”

He was quiet for a moment, and then he uttered, his bottom lip trembling, “I- I can’t remember Dad’s voice anymore… I think I’m forgetting Dad.”

“Aw, Davie.”

You pulled him against you, arms going around him as you held him in a tight embrace, kissing the top of his head when he hugged you back just as tight, his shoulders lightly shaking as he hid his face in the crook of your neck. He was growing up so fast; another year and he would be taller than you.

You said nothing as you let him cry, hugging him while rubbing his back, trying to ignore the lump in your throat. Even though you could cry, you wouldn’t do it now; he had seen you cry so much in the past, seen you sob and lose yourself as you grieved, not old enough to quite process everything that had happened, but old enough to hold you like you were holding him now.

It was your turn to support him through this.

He had been eight years old when your father died, just a little boy – which, in a way, made it so much worse for him. You had been fifteen and had almost died yourself, too deep in your own despair at the time to notice anyone else’s misery. But now you felt his pain as if it was your own. You were sure that if there were no pictures of your father around the house, his face would also start to blur from your memories.

“I think Mom might have some videos of Dad in a hard drive somewhere,” you said after some time in silence. “Why don’t we look for them tomorrow and watch them together?”

You heard him sniffle as he nodded, and you broke the embrace before gently guiding him out of the living room and saying goodnight to each other.

You watched as your brother opened the door of the room he shared with Kevin before getting inside, leaving it slightly ajar as he did every night, the shine of the night light (he still had nightmares sometimes) giving you some visual aid as you walked the dark hallway towards your own bedroom.

A sudden knock at the front door made you jump in place.

“Shh, boy, it’s okay,” you hushed your dog as he let out a bark from the living room, rushing after you as you hurried to check the peephole. Your brows furrowed, lips pursing as you noticed who was on the other side of the door.

Taking a deep breath, you opened the door to face none other than your cousin.

“Hey,” he said in a hushed tone before you could utter a word, looking at you with his hands in his pockets and a nervous expression on his face. “I know it’s late, but can we talk?”

You hesitated before giving him a nod and stepping outside, leaving the door unlocked behind you as you walked towards the front steps. You had a good guess as to why he was at your doorstep at this hour, and your shoulders tensed at the prospect of having this specific discussion right now.

“Fine,” you muttered as you moved to sit on the front step. “What do you wanna talk about?”

John B followed your lead and sat beside you, absently petting K-Nine behind the ears as the old dog lay down on the porch with a huff.

“JJ told me about you and Rafe.”

He was going straight to the subject. Good. The sooner you finished this, the sooner you could go to bed and pretend it never happened.

“What about me and Rafe?”

John B stopped petting the dog, fingers fidgeting as he started picking the old scraps of paint from the wooden step beneath him.

“Please don’t lie to me, V. Not about this.” You didn’t think you had ever heard John B say anything in such a serious tone, jaw clenched and mouth set in a straight line as his gaze locked on yours, eyes shining in the moonlight with something akin to concern. “You know exactly what I’m talking about. I know you would never have something with him even if he was the last man on earth, but I heard the rumors, so what the hell happened between you two?”

Your brows furrowed, his tone not lost to you as you tried to understand exactly the meaning behind his words.

“Wait, what- what are you talking about?” you asked after a moment of only staring at him, unsure of what to say. “What the hell did JJ tell you?”

“Last Saturday, at that Kook party, Rafe did something to you.” You looked at him in total confusion as he took your hands in his, his grip a little tighter than you would find comfortable. “He forced you, didn’t he? I saw the bruises, I saw the marks but I just thought…” he shook his head, tone turning frantic as you let out a nervous chuckle, at a complete loss for words as you realized what he was implying. He couldn’t be serious. “Did he drug you? Whatever he did, you have to tell me, tell the police. We can get him arrested. If- If you don’t want to do that maybe we can try to- to, I don’t know, but we can make him pay somehow.”

This was madness. This whole situation was ridiculous. Absolute insanity.

“John B, no, please stop–”

“No, no, no, you don’t have to be scared of him–”

“Johnathan, stop!” you snapped, tears stinging your eyes as you finally managed to pull your hands from his grip. “Whatever JJ told you, it’s not true. Rafe didn’t force me to do anything I didn’t want to do, so stop whatever this is!”

He stared at you, eyes wide and mouth agape as understanding finally settled.

“What?”

“Rafe didn’t hurt me.”

His eyes flashed with anger, and an intrusive thought crossed your mind; it was almost like he preferred you had been assaulted.

“You actually willingly slept with him?”

The disgust was as clear in his voice as it was in his face, and you couldn’t stop yourself from recoiling in a sudden burst of shame. You were quick to push that emotion aside; you had nothing to be ashamed of.

“Even if I did, whatever my deal is with Rafe is between me and him. Not you and not JJ, so you can just stop getting in my business like I’m your responsibility. I’ve been dealing with Cameron for years now, he’s not your problem.”

“That’s the thing though, he is my problem!” he shouted, and you looked back at your house, afraid your family would be alerted by the ruckus. This was not a subject they needed to get involved in. “He’s always picking fights with us and treats Sarah like shit! Have you seen what he and Topper did to Pope the other day? He’s not a good guy and you know that so why the hell would you willingly spread your legs for him?”

“Hey, watch it!” your tone raised to match his own, index finger pointed at his chest as you pinned him down in a glare. K-Nine barked, sensing the rise in emotions. “You don’t get to talk to me like that!”

“What, am I lying?” his tone quieted, but the expression of anger on his face didn’t falter, hand raising to roughly push your own away. “Didn’t you go from hating him one minute to letting him fuck you the next? Like a–”

You felt the heat in your palm before you could even register what you had done. Tears stung in your eyes as you stared down at John B, who was cradling his cheek and looking at you with a mixture of shock, anger, and sadness in his hazel eyes.

“Get. Out. Of my house,” you commanded in between shaking breaths.

You stared down at each other for what felt like hours, neither of your saying a thing. You forced yourself to stop your lower lip from trembling, hiding your shaking hands behind your back as you finally broke eye contact, sure that you would erupt into tears if you stared at the disappointment in his eyes for one more second.

“Just leave,” you whispered as you made your way to the front door, not caring anymore if he left or not.

“He’ll hurt you.”

You halted, hand on the doorknob, glancing at him over his shoulder. Waiting.

“He’ll hurt you,” John B repeated, firmly this time, avoiding your eyes. Then he added, his tone so soft you barely understood the words “And when he does, you can count on me. Until then…”

You opened your mouth to say something, anything, but he was already walking away before you could utter a single sound.

«»«»«»«»«»

You rolled in bed for the hundredth time that night, your cousin’s words repeating themselves in your mind over and over and over, like a broken record that never stopped.

Didn’t you go from hating him one minute to letting him fuck you the next?

You had… hadn’t you? Against your better judgment, against your own principles, you had let Rafe touch you and kiss you in ways you never even thought he would want to. Rafe Cameron was an awful person, and that wasn’t a matter of opinion. He was entitled, cruel, temperamental, and prone to violence. You knew that. He had terrorized you for years and made your life a living hell; laughed at you, hurt you, made you cry more times than you could count, and still…that hadn’t stopped you from riding him and moaning for him as if your life depended on it, had it?

And now here you were, unable to sleep, with a tightness in your chest and a churning stomach that was starting to make you nauseous. You were exhausted from all the muffled crying you had done as soon as you got to your bedroom, your pillow stained with tears.

John B’s words hurt, making you feel even worse than you already felt. Part of you hated him a little, insulted and beyond upset by everything he had said. He had no right to act like that. Still, the other side of you cried in shame, wondering if he was right and if you really were being the stupid and undeniably wrong person in all of this mess.

I slapped him, for God’s sake!

That alone was enough reason to at least text him an apology, but you quickly stopped yourself from doing it. You were still too furious, wounds too fresh.

Your thoughts started spiraling out of control, and that tightness in your chest grew worse.

What if your mom found out?

What if your boss found out?

What if you lost your job and your family because of it?

What if you and John B’s relationship never recovered?

What if this stupid fucking mistake stopped you from going to college and making a better life for yourself and your family so you would be forced to work as a waitress for the rest of your life until you died alone on this island with no family and friends, only the police to discover your cat-eaten corpse?

What if, what if, what if?

You buried your face in your pillow with a grunt of frustration, wishing you could go back in time and murder Rafe Cameron in his sleep, just for good measure. Then none of this would’ve happened, and you could continue living your life without this particular storm hanging over your head.

Groaning at how stuffy your room felt, you kicked your sheets off of you before getting out of bed and walking straight to the chair in the corner of your room. Grabbing the pair of shorts and the hoodie laying on it, you hurriedly got dressed before making your way out of the house, phone and keys safely stored in your hoodie’s pocket.

You hesitated as you walked down the stairs of your front porch, unsure of where to go.

It was at times like this that you wished you had more friends; Nina had been abroad for two years (It would be four in the morning in Portugal, so it was not like you could call her now) and you doubted that JJ, Kie, Pope, or Sarah would want to hear anything you had to say, after what happened. A couple of other people came to mind, but you never contacted them unless sex was involved, and that was not what you wanted right now.

Sex was what got me into this mess in the first place.

The sounds of waves in the distance crashing against the shoreline caught your attention. You listened for a moment, taking a deep breath of the salty breeze, mind going blank for a blessed moment. Living this close to the ocean could be a curse some days, unwanted memories rushing to your mind if you let them take over; right now, however, you would like to think of it as a blessing.

You were strolling towards the Boneyard before you could give it much thought, hands stuffed in your pockets and hoodie over your head as the chilly coastline wind made you shiver despite the warm island weather.

Your ears perked as the sound of loud music and voices alerted you to a party nearby, right on the other side of the dunes. You could smell burning wood the closer you got, and it didn’t take you long to catch the sight of a bonfire, people laughing and dancing and drinking without a care in the world.

Exactly what you needed.

You approached the gathering with your eyes on the crackling fire, enjoying the way the dancing flames cast a glow over the sand, making it look the color of melted caramel under the moonlit sky. The sand under your naked feet was cool to the touch, and the seawater was thankfully far enough away for you to be able to relax.

Most people around you were familiar in one way or another, a fair mix of Kooks, Pogues, and Tourons that just wanted to enjoy their Friday night as much as you did. You walked through the party crowd, being mostly ignored besides the occasional wave or nod of recognition that you made sure to retribute.

Fortunately, you saw no unwanted faces that would make you instantly turn around and leave.

That made you release a breath you didn’t know you were holding; no one seemed to be talking about you or looking at you weirdly, and there was no one to ruin your night more than John B already had. Perfect.

Coming here was a good decision, you thought as you approached the kegs of beer, smiling as you recognized one of the guys handing out drinks.

“Hey, V.” Eli, a tall young man with short curly hair smiled at you as he handed you a full cup of beer before you even had to ask. “Haven’t seen you in a while. What have you been up to?”

“Oh, you know,” you shrugged as you took the cup from his hand, sipping the bitter drink, “just working and binge-watching shows on my days off. All very thrilling. You?”

“Same,” he chuckled, warm brown eyes looking almost golden in the light of the fire. “Just helping out at the cafe and surfing when I can. By the way, when are you passing by? My Mama keeps telling me to bring you over again, says she has some new books you might like.”

“Aw, she misses me?”

“C’mon, V, you know we all do,” he said, sending you a wink that made the corners of your lips twitch and a familiar heat take over your cheeks, the suggestion in his tone not being lost on you.

You really liked Eli, with his pretty smile and easy-going nature.

He had graduated two years before you, and you had gotten closer when you started spending your free time at his family’s cafe, staying whole afternoons reading or writing in their quaint little book corner. It didn’t take you long to develop a friendship, and before you knew it you were having your first kiss and experiencing your first time in his bed, in the apartment right above his shop. He had been kind and patient, and you really couldn’t have imagined a better way to lose your virginity.

But – even though you were aware that he liked you – you had never let your relationship evolve into something more than friends with benefits. Why ruin something that worked just fine?

“Maybe I’ll pass by on my next day off,” you said, and his eyes glinted. “Are you working on Monday?”

“I’m not, but I’ll be waiting there for you. Wanna go out and have lunch too? This new place just opened and–”

Your smile faltered, and he was quick to notice.

“No, no, I mean, just as friends,” Eli quickly clarified with an awkward chuckle. “I know you don’t want to change what we have and that’s fine by me. But, you know… we can hang out if you want and have a good time. We’re chill, right?”

Sometimes you wondered what was stopping you from getting into a relationship with a guy that was handsome, kind, shared so many of your interests, and knew how to please you in the best way. The problem wasn’t him, you were well aware of that. The problem was you and your fear of commitment.

Fuck that. You deserved something good in your life. And, right now, you really needed it.

“We are,” you answered, and you noticed relief softening his brow. “You know what, yeah, let’s plan something fun for Monday. How about–”

A heavy hand on your shoulder made you jump, and you stopped mid-sentence to look behind you, heart almost jolting out of your chest as you faced the last person you wanted to see at that moment.

“Rafe,” you muttered, glaring at his blue eyes before looking down at his hand, still on your shoulder. “Take your hand off me.”

“You’re in the way,” he simply said while dropping his hand to his side, nodding past you at the kegs of beer.

You said nothing, moving to stand next to Eli as Rafe passed by you and refilled his own cup. With a strange look at you and a glare sent in your friend’s direction, the blond left, and you followed him with your eyes as he walked away to the other side of the crowd, where he stood with his little gang of friends.

Of course he would be here, you thought as your hand reflexively squeezed the plastic cup in your hand. Luck was rarely on your side.

Maybe coming to this party hadn’t been a good idea, after all.

“That was weird,” uttered Eli, also looking in Rafe’s direction. “He could’ve gotten more beer right there.” He nodded in the direction of the other kegs, where no one stood in the way.

“Yeah, he just wanted to piss me off.”

“You’re still at each other’s throats then?”

“Yup.”

He hummed in response, and a weird moment passed where neither of you said a thing. You, for once, were too preoccupied with weighing the pros and cons of staying at a party with Rafe Cameron in your vicinity. The smart move right now would be to leave; you had no idea what would happen if both of you stayed. Then Eli spoke again, words coming out deliberately and slowly like he was thinking them carefully.

“You know that he’s not a good guy, right?”

You scoffed.

“You’re telling me that, of all people?”

“Just making sure…”

You let out a sigh, hand raising to brush over your face with a tired grunt.

“So, you heard about it too, huh?” you asked, hoping the irritation in your voice scared Eli enough so he wouldn’t ask too many questions.

“Yup,” he said, popping the ‘p’, eyes down as he kicked a tiny hill of sand. “Don’t know if it’s true and I don’t understand you if it is, but it’s none of my business so… just be careful, okay? He hangs around the wrong crowd sometimes, and, well,” he shrugged, “you know how he is.”

You glanced at Eli, taking in the way he rubbed the back of his neck, thinking his words through. Whatever he was implying, was said out of concern for your well-being, nothing more.

“Okay…” you started, unsure of what else to say. “Thanks for letting me know, but there’s no reason to worry. I can take care of myself.”

“I know.” He nodded once, and a pretty smile graced his lips again as he looked at you. “Now, about Monday…”

«»«»«»«»«»

You were more than just a little tipsy.

You stumbled over your own feet as you walked past the dunes, giggling to yourself as you remembered a joke you had said early in the evening, already so plastered that you had struggled to get the words out without laughing. You hadn’t really meant to get as drunk as you were, but before you knew it you were six cups past sobriety, dancing and singing at the top of your lungs with Eli and his friend group.

You felt amazing in your intoxicated high, barely remembering what had soured your mood in the first place. Eli had helped you forget, with his easy conversation and sense of humor, and his friends had welcomed you into their group without unwanted questions or weird looks sent your way.

Was exactly what you had been needing; and a long time overdue if you were being honest with yourself.

Not even Rafe had been able to smother your euphoria, despite the very noticeable glares sent your way throughout the night. After some time, you had even forgotten he was there, completely focused on enjoying the party to its fullest.

And damn you if you hadn’t succeeded.

It was now somewhere past two in the morning, and the exhaustion of your workday had gotten to you despite the alcohol in your bloodstream and your high spirits. So, you had said goodbye to Eli – with the promise to meet on Monday – and were currently making your way out of the Boneyard. A tiny voice in your brain warned you about the massive hangover that you would without a doubt suffer in the morning, but you lazily brushed it off; now was not the time to think about tomorrow.

Now all you wanted to do was lay down.

Lay down…

You fell to the sand with the grace of a newborn foal, giggling as you laid face up, eyes wandering lazily on the clear sky. It was spotted with shiny stars, one constellation more beautiful than another, and your eyes watered; looking at the night sky had always made you feel emotional.

I’ll sleep here tonight, you thought as you curled in on yourself, face towards the stars, fingers tapping on the sand out of rhythm with the music still playing from the party just on the other side of the dunes.

“‘Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling,” you drunkenly sang off-key as Cascada’s ‘Everytime We Touch’ played loudly. “And every time we kiss I swear I could fly.” You could still hear people sing and laugh from your spot in the middle of the sandbanks, and it almost made you want to go back there and stay until the sun rose.

But you really had to go to bed; or sleep right there, one of the two. Your head spun as you tried to sit up, so you let yourself lay down again with a huff.

That’s when you noticed someone approaching.

“You’re so fucking drunk.”

“Oh, pardon me, your Royal Highness,” you mocked with a snort, turning towards the voice to see Rafe Cameron standing just a few feet from you, hands in his pockets, “but this peasant doesn’t give a shit about what you think.” You couldn’t see his face well in the darkness – only the moon as a light source – but he was most likely looking down at you with a frown, as per usual. “Leave me alone, I’m trying to sleep.”

“Here?”

“I’m homeless, you wouldn’t understand.”

“Venus.”

“Rafe,” you laughed as you tried to imitate his baritone. “Oh, Venus, you’re so fucking drunk. Oh Venus, let me fuck you again.”

“You’re fucking annoying, that’s what you are.”

You didn’t even notice Rafe approaching you, letting out a yelp of surprise as you felt him pull you up before stumbling against his chest as dizziness took over you. You made a whiny noise as he started to half-push you, half-drag you away, a strong arm around your waist while the other grabbed you by the elbow.

“No, I don’t wanna leave!” you cried out as you tried to turn away from him and back to your spot on the sand.

“I’m not leaving you to sleep on the fucking beach, you moron.”

Now you were close enough to see the annoyed glare that he pinned you under, giggling at his pinched expression as you slapped his chest in a weak attempt to have him release you.

“Ugh, you’re so boring,” you whined, letting yourself fall in his arms when you realized he was not letting you go. “Okay okay, I know, let’s tell each other secrets!” You clapped your palms against his chest, pulling his shirt when he groaned. “C’mon I’ll go first: I hate you. Like really hate you. But-” you lowered your tone to a conspiratorial whisper, “having sex with you was really good – I still hate you, though.”

“Venus–”

“Shh, it’s a secret,” you giggled, putting a finger against his lips. “Now you.”

“I–”

“You have really pretty eyes, you know that?” you mumbled as you looked into his blue eyes, forgetting the game you had been one-sided playing. “It’s so unfair…”

Rafe let out a long sigh.

“Anything more you want to tell me?” he asked, hands steadying by your shoulders as you swayed in place.

“Hmm… nope.”

“Good, then let’s get you home.”

“Wait!” you exclaimed, pulling at his hand as you let yourself fall to the sand again, laughing as he fell on his knees beside you. “Let’s watch the stars.”

He sighed again.

“I’m so close to just leaving you here.”

“Good, then go, goodbye,” you said as you frowned at him, slapping his hand away when he tried to lift you again.

You heard him sigh a third time, followed by a sound of resignation before you watched him sit down beside you. With a grunt, you used his arm to pull yourself into a sitting position, leaning against his shoulder for support as you turned your neck to look up.

“Aren’t the stars so pretty?” you whispered, shaking his arm when a moment passed without an answer.

“Yeah, guess they are.”

You kept staring up, feeling your lids drop the more you looked at the mess of gold, red, and silver dots that painted the dark blue sky. It was all so beautiful. You felt… content, even with Rafe beside you. He was still an asshole and you still couldn’t stand him, but he wasn’t being himself right now, for some weird reason your intoxicated brain couldn’t even wonder about.

Rafe cleared his throat beside you, snapping you out of your stupor.

“Can we go now?”

“Wait…” you murmured, closing your eyes for a moment as you took a deep breath of the clean ocean breeze. “Okay, we can go now.”

“Finally.”

He pulled you up and you yelped as you tripped over your own feet, allowing him to hold you straight against his chest. You looked up at his face, and a sudden thought made you bite your bottom lip.

No, don’t do it, warned a voice in the back of your mind that you promptly ignored.

Kissing Rafe felt… nice. Better than nice. You had thought so too when you had been naked under him just a week prior, moaning against his soft lips as he fucked you in a way you had never been fucked before.

Now felt no different.

You moaned into the kiss, intertwining your arms behind his neck as you pulled him closer, fingers tangling in his soft blond locks. One of his arms went around your waist, pulling you flat against his body as a hand cupped your cheek, forcing you to deepen the kiss. You did so gladly, enjoying the feel of his tongue against yours, shivering as his teeth swiftly pulled at your bottom lip.

You let yourself enjoy it, the possible outcome of it all pushed to the back of your mind. All you wanted right now was to kiss him, consequences be damned. You would deal with those when you were sober.

Rafe was the one breaking the kiss, and you almost cried as he lightly pushed you away. You wanted more than just one kiss, at this point, an insisting heat making you squeeze your thighs together.

“C’mon, you little tease,” he said, chuckling as you whined and tried to chase after his mouth. “Let’s get you home.”

«»«»«»«»«»

Part 4 ->