#my god this is actually LONG. even had to cut some stuff lol

[sopuu]

I would love to hear your thoughts on the symbolism and game design of omori

This is suchh an old ask im sorry it took me so long to get my thoughts tgt let alone write them down hh everything’s under the cut bc there’s a Lot and tysm for enabling me 🙏🏻

just a heads up I’m not gonna talk much about the characters themselves bc there’s already plenty of analysis out there for them- what I am gonna get to tho is the general game itself and a bit of the music. And bc OMORI is a game that covers heavy topics, please be aware of this before you continue reading!

So ofc I gotta start with the first place omori wakes up in — white space, just a simple rectangle on the floor with the essentials within arm’s reach, no responsibilities and no one to bother you. I LOVE minimalistic stuff like this- something so simple can can make you feel like you’re in both the most peaceful and uncanny place in the world. Also the black bulb being a symbol of repression, opposite of a lit bulb being a symbol of a new idea (thank you fandom wiki for this point) is just 👌🏻. And the fact that omori’s friends are right next door (literally called neighbour’s room) if he ever gets lonely shows how they’ve always been there for him, and in turn how much he depends on them.

I think the game does a wonderful job of depicting what escapism is like- Daydreaming of a world full of your own ocs, adventuring through it with your best friends and being the hero of the story where everything goes right for you. But of course this fantasy can’t hold forever as the real world starts to catch up, with stuff like Something appearing in places reminding omori of what happened, red space entrances throughout the story (the ones before the main red space debut as omori sits on the throne), and ofc the moment basil drops the photograph at the start. Side note, I like how Something always disappearing so quickly shows how desperate omori is to repress it, like quickly shoving problems under a rug. Or maybe im reading too much into it and it’s just to add to the creepy factor lol. Also this is one of the games that does mixed media SO well- combining digital 2d art with real life materials like sketching and scanning the animations, clay models for Somethings, real life photos drawn over and filtered etc, it really suits the theme of having to balance the fictional world and the real world if that makes sense. Also the way some scenes deliberately leave in the crumpled paper texture!! Especially for messages about not friends giving up on each other-- its almost like those were thrown away in the trash and picked back up again. Quite the parallel to how sunny locked himself away for four years due to depression and guilt for what he’s done, thinking his friends would never forgive him, then eventually finally coming out of his house and giving himself a chance with reconnecting with them.

Ok here’s where the heavier themes come in so please please stop reading if you’re not comfortable with them! [tw: suicide (or at least implications of it)]

game design time! i absolutely love it when games use the game mechanics themselves to be a part of storytelling- and this game does it with the stab function. I actually got to know this game through watching playthroughs, and at the first forced transition usually people do whatever they can think of to avoid having to press the button, before very reluctantly realising that they don’t have a choice. As the game goes on, players start getting more and more familiar with it, using it to get back to the real world or bc of forced resets and so on. Before long this basically becomes routine and players get so used to it that they don’t even hesitate to press it anymore. After all, nothing bad actually happens, right..? This mechanic gets used so much more in black space, but this time it’s very prominently presented as an escape route, something to get out of stressful situations, something that helps. you might even be relieved to see that option be available to you. And I think that’s terrifying— considering that this is a representation of how.. unpleasant thoughts can go from being unfathomable to something that feels like a natural/normal occurrence. i don’t think I’ve seen any other game that captures this kind of thought process(? there’s probably a better term for this) to the level that OMORI does and im so so glad that the devs are bringing these mental health topics to light.

I’d also love to talk about black space but I think this post does it better than I ever could haha, also black space 2 I love you sm im a sucker for out-of-bounds-but-not-really type of areas (yknow like Undertale’s fun value rooms and test rooms), it’s like hitting the jackpot for easter eggs and subtle lore aughh <3

And I can’t talk about OMORI without talking about the music!! I think we can all agree that Duet KILLS. the high notes as the happiest scenes show on screen………the way the piano is the one that starts the song off and it ends with only the violin……… my emotions man. what if I started crying!!!!! (i did)

Clean Slate is one of my top songs- there’s so much emotion in this and it’s the epitome of acceptance and letting go of guilt while also giving the feeling that you’re in a hospital (ig that’s kinda the point but for such a short song to pinpoint a feeling AND setting so accurately is so grragjgh….)

Other big favs are It Means Everything, Chaos Assembly, Tee-Hee Time, Puddles, Snow Forest and Dear Little Brother :) and actually a lot of others as well but id be listing half the soundtrack and more if I go on

In conclusion OMORI is such a well designed game, I love it and its messages sm it means a lot to me personally, and writing this made me feel like im back in English class again

[captainmera]

My God I love your depiction of the Wittebane brother ❤️

Do you think there might have been a chance that your Pip wouldn't kill his brother when Calec goes to Demon Realm? He seems way more tolerable of weirdness and is actually curious about the taboo things. That it makes me wonder if other steps were taken by people around him, maybe he would make different choices and not turned into a brother-killing genocide goop man. Obviously, the blame is still his for what he did, but I can't stop wondering what if.

And him getting along with Evelyn instead of hating her right of the bat is really cute.

Thank you! :D <333

He grew up with this theatrical bisexual of a brother. Pretty sure the reason Belos didn't give a hoot on the Boiling Isles about queer stuff is because he kinda knew, and accepted, that Caleb was kinda queer. In some cases, people can ignore or bend certain rules for people they love. Even disregard them or pretend they don't apply or exist.

(long rant about writing and narrative foils and blah blah under the cut)

Unlike Caleb, I think Philip is the sort that only picks-and-chooses whatever rules he feels will supports his personal wants/thoughts and tosses the rest.

Caleb was not hiding it as well as he thought he did. lol.

I think that, sure, there was probably a turning point for Philip.

And absolutely, people around him influenced him. He's just a kid, a vulnerable one at that, in a protestant Christian cult.

I kinda like to think of it as a corruption arc. Mostly because it seems (to me) that the whole reason Luz was meant to have a depression-arc and Philip getting all "YoUrE JuSt LiKe Me!" thing was because.. There was supposed, I think, to be similar beginnings for them.

But Luz, in season 3, got depressed and felt a lot of guilt, so her arc is going from this happy-go-lucky kid interested in different things, to a depression arc where she questions herself. While Philip has a corruption arc, where he gradually goes from a well-meaning kid interested in different things, to evil and delusional.

I am also combining Luz, King, and the Collector into Kid-Philip's themes.

King is fascinating as a pre-narrative foil for kid-Philip. I think. As King was very clingy to Luz and didn't want her to leave, he too had a delusion about his own importance (disregard that it was kinda true in the end there). King tried to dictate (in that book episode) about what his and Luz' book should be about, how it should go, and it really hurt Luz' feelings. In the end, they solved it. But as a narrative foil, I think for the Wittebanes, they probably had a similar struggle on a larger scale, and it didn't get resolved.

The Collector, too! They're desperate to be close with someone, anyone, who gets them and wants to play on their terms. Kinda like Belos wanting him and Caleb to be witch hunters. Not accounting that Caleb is his own person outside of him-- Which, if you think about it, Caleb made his whole life (in my version anyway) about taking care of Philip. So I'm sure Philip felt like he really was Caleb's entire world. And then suddenly he wasn't. Because of a witch. The Collector, despite having this incredible power (just like Pip having his brilliant brain) is still a child and using their power in selfish ways. Not intentionally, I think, just out of a fear of abandonment or isolation.

I personally am in favour of nobody-is-born-evil-but-anyone-can-become-evil kinda thing.

I would like to explore how Philip gets corrupted.

I am slowly influencing Philip in my fanfic with little things that will, eventually, boil down to not so great moments.

The thing about delusions is that the person truly believes in it. Philip believing he's a hero has to make sense and feel believable.

Belos is a jerk. Philip isn't, yet. He becomes that jerk. But I don't want to write a sociopath. I also don't like using less-favourable mental illnesses as an "easy way out" to write why Philip became Belos and a genocidal maniac.

I have strong feelings about de-stigmatizing mental illnesses in writing, without romanticizing them or leaving out the really awful and less discussed sides of it. This includes diagnoses within all the clusters of the DSM5. I will not sit here and say I only support a diagnosis like Autism or GAD, and not things like Histrionic or Borderline.

And including people with MH issues and personality disorders is important, too, as well as not trying to downplay them.

People throw around Belos with things like Narcissism and Psychopath, without actually understanding what those means or what the different types there are. For example, is he a grandiose, oblivious or a fragile narcissist?

Yes, these disorders are looked down upon. A lot of people who have them aren't very nice people. But that doesn't mean they're evil or have no heart.

Lots of children can display early signs of these, and in a rough time like the colonial 1630s of America, it is not unthinkable that those rough times bred some dysfunctional people. I'm sure Philip has his own slices of pie as far as mental health goes, just like Caleb and many other struggling people.

But, I will not write from an angle that implies Philip just has darkness from the start in him.

There's a reason why I had Caleb go on a rant about being born evil in chapter 5. Because puritans, and Christians alike, at the time - truly did believe bastards were just... Half people. Did you know that if an orphanage found out a baby was a bastard, they wouldn't let it suckle the nursery goat's udders. Because they were afraid it would soil the milk and, in turn, might give the non-bastard babies bad influence. Somehow.

With that kind of logic in your culture, it's no rocket science that people would put nonsense together and think it made sense.

I'm much more interested in how puritanism and witch hunting culture influenced and corrupted Philip into becoming who he became, and why he refuses to budge on his beliefs to the point of murder.

As the owl house, the show, has commentary on systems influencing cultures in a bad and positive way. But in particular, the one Belos tries to influence the Demon Realm with; being a not-so-great way. So! With that as a clue: what made Philip turn bad, most likely, was partially the puritanism and its extremist ways. I think TOH is also a bit of a nudge at the HAYS-code of Hollywood and how it has trickled into most all the American culture-core. As it's both trickled into schools, morality, politics and other things outside cinema.

Just pointing at him and going "He's a sociopath because he became a genocidal tyrant" is, to me, cheap. Not only does it further stigmatising mental illnesses by implying only a disorder can make someone do such evil things. But it also disregards the most horrific truth of all; that the true monsters are people not at all unlike yourself. And that they, too, were children once.

[ebonysplendor]

Do you have a review of The Kid At The Back?

O_O;

Pfft...of course I do! What? You thought I just had it downloaded and in my "Play Later" stash for the past 2 - 3 months with the full intention of playing it and writing a review, just for it to never happen? Of course not~! Just to prove it to you, I will insert the entire thing right here, no links needed! And no, it's not because I didn't have it written until now, so don't think that! ANYWAYS.

TL;DR: I'm not worried about if this man is at the back. My question and only concern is can he hit it from the back?

Game Link: https://fantasia-kittcat.itch.io/the-kid-at-the-back-demo

Notable Features: Yandere LI, Custom Pronouns, Self-Insert (first and last name), Two LIs, 1+ Hour Long Demo Spiciness: 2/5 or 5/5 -- It depends on which version you get. If you get the regular degular free version, it'll be more innocent with some flirtiness here and there. If you pay for the NSFW version, it'll be way more sinful and the way that the Gods intended it to be. LI Red Flags: 4/5 -- Breaking-and-entering, possessive, drugged us, lack of consent; the usual stuff, but I can fix him

Wanna know more? Pfft, not if you aren't in the 18+ club you don't. Yes, that's even with nothing explicit popping off in the demo. So go on, get away. Oh? You're at least 18? Well, what are we waiting for?! Let's get into it!

...Okay, so I may or may not have completely lied about having this review written, but I mean, so what?! I'm making the review now, aren't I?! Cut a girl some slack!

Lol actually, all jokes aside, this gave me the push that I needed to go on and get it done. I've honestly been meaning to play this game for a hot minute now, but other things caught my immediate attention, and this kept getting pushed further and further back. All that matters now is that I've finally played it, I'm making the review, and we are here together as a squad.

Now, with that being said...

I find it extremely disrespectful that I waited so long to play this masterpiece; what was I thinking?

The story, so far, has me in an absolute chokehold, and I absolutely hate that it's only the demo because I want to know now. I am all over this story right now, and the dev is going all the way in with no remorse.

Not to mention, the LI -- or at least the one that I'm simping for, because there's two this time -- is just so damned good looking. What's even more attractive is that he doesn't play into the whole edge lord stereotype like some people we know. He's actually a pretty sweet guy so far! He has psycho tendencies, for sure, but a sweet guy overall!

Just as a side note, I have always had the weakest spot for a guy in alt/goth/emo/grunge -- all of that -- fashion. Like, the attraction that I have is ungodly, and I just...like, it's disrespectful how attractive I find them. Now, I want you to imagine our yandere LI...but with tattoos. When I tell you that I'd be ruined?!

Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch.

When I say ready to submit?! When I say ready to turn into the absolute best baby girl?

*Ahem*

Okay, now that I've got my degeneracy out a little bit, I'm going to start giving you a summary of the game so that you can be as absolutely geeked -- and in love with this man -- as much as I am. The game is really good, and like I said, the story is damned interesting thus far. Anyways, I'm going to stop yapping so I can start telling you about the game. Like always, I am going to tell you as much about the game as possible without ruining the game itself. That being said, let's finally get into it.

So boom.

Literature class is over, and we're getting our anime protagonist on. We're dramatically looking out the window thinking about how it's going to rain, and how it was super unfortunate that we hadn't brought an umbrella. ... Damn.

...Okay, well anyways! Now that we've had our main character complex solidified, we get up, and one of the members of the squad inquire about lunch before another one comes up behind them. Now, we aren't too worried about them anymore because we're looking at him.

Jericho "Crowe" Ichabod.

Classroom representative, close friend, and an absolute snack. While he has an anime antagonist aesthetic to him, he has the vibe of the supporting character and love interest of the anime protag, ya feel me? Like, we are feeling this man.

After we're done thinking about how much we simp over this man on the low, we respectfully reject the offer to go to lunch and instead hit the library, anticipating that addictive smell of books and coffee. Besides, we've got a paper to work on, so why not? We get our stuff, and we head in that direction.

Now, everyone knows about having unassigned assigned spaces, right? You know that whole thing when you get so used to sitting in a particular seat, or having a certain parking spot, or always studying in a particular room, so you just always gravitate towards it and kind've make this unsaid claim on it? Well, we have an unassigned assigned seat by this window in the library, and some bitch took it right as we were going towards it. How are we supposed to feed into our main character syndrome, if we don't have the window seat?

Whatever though. We're lowkey pissy about it, but we decided to let the kid have their moment. Everyone deserves their own episode, ya feel? We go find another seat.

Since this is the library and all, we start browsing the shelves to find a book for a little leisure reading. Was this the initial choice? No, but we weren't really trying to involuntarily focus on the fact that we got stuck sitting around all the gossiping "peaked-in-high-school" students. Shout out to that bitch who took our seat earlier. Your mom's a hoe, and I hope someone punches you in the face. Either that or you get in a knife fight. Either is good, just don't sit in my damned unassigned assigned seat anymore.

It gets worse though, because we can't even look for a book in peace. There's this loud ass thud from the book shelf right next to us, and whoever knocked into it hit it hard enough that some of the books almost came off the shelf. Of course, we've got to investigate the cause of this, so we try to catch a peek through a gap on the bookshelf and...it's honestly typical.

Remember when I told you about the "peaked-in-high-school" students? Well, we found another set on the other side of the bookshelf. These two students were harassing this other student for, what sounds like, no apparent reason. The situation escalates pretty quickly before one of the bullies absolutely knocks that other student's shit in. We just kind've wince because, damn that's tough...but, meh, it's not our business. The other bully then proceeds to pull out a pocket knife. Well, damn, I guess it's our business...

We jump in.

Lol don't get it twisted, though. We didn't do much, but we did do enough to get them to go away, which mattered more than anything because this guy was definitely about to end up in a hospital bed.

We help this poor, unfortunate soul up, and...gah damn, he's tall. Lol imagine my 5'2.5 -- 5'3 on a good day -- self helping this 6ft tall man up. Sheeeeeeeeesh. He should've curb stomped their asses, because he's gotta be rocking at least a size 14 shoe.

Anyways, I guess he kind've said "fuck us" though, because we were like "Nurse's office?" and he was like "Nah" and just straight dipped out after that. No "thank you", no nothin', and-- wait.

THIS BITCH WAS THE ONE SITTING IN OUR UNASSIGNED ASSIGNED SEAT. We know this, because he went and got his stuff from over there and then bolted out of the library! Well, that explained the punch to the face and the pocket knife. Honestly? Good look, universe.

Okay, okay, okay, enough jokes; let's get on with the rest of the story (kinda because avoiding huge spoilers).

We leave the library, too, after some more time goes by, and guess who's in our next class...

The bitch that stole our seat The guy from the library. Huh...never noticed him before this point, but that's probably because he sits at the very back of the room.

He must've noticed us, too, though, because when we make eye contact, he get's all flustered in the face and looks away.

Now, admittedly, after that encounter in the library, we're kind've curious about this kid, and, again, it's dope how the universe works sometimes because, for this class, we need a partner, and wouldn't you know it?

We don't have a partner, he doesn't have a partner, so we do as the Gods intended and pair up.

Contrary to how he looks, he actually isn't the tsundere of our cast.

He -- his name is Solivan Brugmansia, by the way; he likes to be called sunny Sol -- is actually a pretty okay dude!

He's not that stereotypical emo boy edgelord or that arrogant hard ass that thinks the people around him are idiots. He's actually pretty nice and legit doesn't mind our company; he's even open to seeing us outside of class just to casually hang out and talk. He's also pretty -- very, extremely... -- damned attractive, if you don't mind me throwing that in. Something else that I wanna throw in is that -- you remember when I mentioned that he rushed out without saying "thank you"? -- he said "thank you" and really appreciated us jumping in to help him.

Pretty grateful that he didn't make it to the knife fight portion of our threat. I would've never made that threat if I knew he was going to be this sweet of a guy.

Anyways, class gets out, we exchange numbers, and make mentions of hanging out in the future before parting ways for the day. We get back home, text some of our friends and the new bae, and eventually go to sleep for the next day to roll around.

As mentioned, the next day rolls around, and we're with the squad making lunch plans. While this is going on, we find new bae in the crowd of students in the hallway. Naturally, we call him over, but in hindsight, this was not the brightest idea. We didn't really account for the fact that OG bae and new bae were going to catch a bad vibe from each other.

And boi, did they catch a bad vibe. More accurately, they caught a "you're competition" vibe.

At this point they're sizing each other up, and it's like, please don't do that, because I'll take you both...then again, I am leaning more towards one than the other.

But it might get bad depending on whoever we pick, and we've definitely got to pick.

I have got to give the fattest shout out to whoever sent that anon message in, because they've pushed me to stand on business and play this game, and it was so worth it.

Honestly, where do I even start with this? The art style, the bae, the plot -- dear Gods the plot. I am so invested in this story! You'll understand once you play it for yourself, but it's like...what is going on?! What is going on behind closed doors? Why are things starting to get not so black and white? Like, I am extremely suspicious of the things that are going on in this game. Like, the dev(s) didn't have to go in on the art style and the story like that. Speaking of the art style...

Y'all know that I have a thing for the way that games look, and baby, I am in love. I love this whole "comic book" vibe that this game has going on. Like, I just love the shadows behind the characters and their designs and how they're written and just -- I honestly can't give you a clear depiction of how much I love the art style or exactly what about it I love, but I love it. I just love the style of this game, how it looks, and how it flows.

Anyways, I think this game is definitely worth it, and shit, based on what I managed to dig up and research, those $5 to unlock the sin is worth it. Not even because the CGs or the scenes that were made exclusively for the degenerates were revolutionary or anything, but because I really feel that this is going to be a great damned visual novel once it's complete, and it is so deserving of that monetary support. The amount of work that has already gone into this game in its demo stage is impressive, and I am super excited to see what else is in store. Like, I'm really trying to see what day 3 is about at this point, and I'm trying to get to the part where Sol starts clapping these cheeks. I will do a lot more than just research the NSFW scenes, I'm going to drop some cash to experience that firsthand. BRING ON THE OTHER 5 DAYS. MY BODY IS READY FOR IT!

But seriously, when is Sol going to start hitting it from the back...? And no, I ain't scratching it out this time! Y'all know what it is at this point! You know full well that I am a degenerate.

Lol okay, anyways, all jokes aside, that's it from me.

Like I said, I'm really excited for this full game to drop, and I will gladly spend the money for it whenever that time comes. That being said, I definitely recommend it. If you want the NSFW version, you do have to spend a minimum of $5 to unlock it; however, if you're low on cash, you're still able to play, but it'll be the SFW version -- both are really good either way, so don't let that deter you.

I'll go ahead and put a link for it right here so that you can head on over and get in on this amazingness. As I always like to remind people to do, once you get to the dev's page, leave them that ever warm "Yo, this shit is fire..." to give them some verbal validation, and if you're feeling really fancy, drop some financial validation, too. Either way, definitely play this game because it is good and so worth the (minimum) hour of playthrough.

Welp, that's all from me, friends! As always, please remember to drink water, don't be dumb, and hope to see you around~!

The Kid at the Back (DEMO)

[prentissluvr]

sammy brain rot hours:

feminism leaves my body when i look at sam winchester,, wanna be a good lil housewife for him (!!!) (like im their bobby yk? mostly doing research from the bunker, joining on hunts occassionally) welcome him home with a kiss and home cooked meals (idk how to cook proper food) and and and bombard him with love and force him to take a day’s break after each hunt ,, cuddle him , go with him on walks (god pls) ,, listen to his nerd talk

i deserve it 😭

thank u for listening to me yap

-mwuah 💋

GIRL YOU ARE SO TRUE FOR THIS AND I MEAN THAT !!! i love this for you actually, like this is facts of you to say and it's so valid and yeah! i think that's the real stuff. and like there's actually so so much merit to that kind of thing, like bro research is so hard imo HAHA so you'd be so strong for that. and yeah who's to say you can be a badass hunter when you want to be! but like bro i think it'd be nice not to have to do all that travel and hard physical labor of yk killing stuff and almost getting killed. and then yeah!! that means you're likely far more well rested than sammy when he gets home which means that you can take care of him hehehehe.

like him being greeted with a kiss from you after a long drive is just so beyond amazing for him, it's so comforting and relaxing and lord knows that he needs and deserves that. plus you have food from him that's not from a diner?? this must be the real heaven for him. like i also cannot cook for the life of me, but mans loves salad! you could just makes him a simple salad and he'd be so delighted because it has freshly cut apples, his favorite dressing, and non-soggy greens! like how amazing is that! genuinely you could makes the simplest of things (which is the only thing that i personally am capable of LOL) and he'd just be so delighted <3 like anything homemade is such a rarity for him and it's genuinely actually something really really special to him when you make him food and now i'm getting all soft and emotional about the fact that sam's barely had that sort of thing in his life. for some people hand made food is an indicator of home, and we all know that sam has never really had that. anyways crying because you just make the bunker somewhere infinitely better to come back to purely with your presence. on top of that, you make him salads and kiss him sweetly and you make him lay in bed and let him cuddle you to his heart's content. like truly you're such a comfort to him i can't :,)

and walks!! oh god i literally was thinking about how much sam would love love love to go on walks with his partner, genuinely. he loves the fresh air under a circumstance so domestic and normal and it's made a million times better by you. your hand in his makes him feel so calm and it gives him those little pieces of normalcy that he craves, no matter the fact that he'll always choose this life. you give him balance and something pure and good to come home to. and ahhhh yes the nerd talk <333 i'm making heart eyes right now for real. he feels so so so grateful for someone to talk to about all these little random facts of knowledge that he has floating around in his head! in instead of shutting him down or calling him a nerd (well, sometimes you do but it's done so lovingly that he doesn't care) you actually will listen, and even ask him follow up questions! he's just so excited to share things with you <33

argh i love him so bad and i thank you for sending this ask, i'm always so so happy to listen to your yapping hehe i love it <33 but you so got my thoughts flowing so ty for that hehe <33 love it sm fr <33

[wsdanon]

i feel like this will be quite niche, mostly because i'm not sure how many ordem fans are in my sphere but also because it's not about the main cast lol

but below the cut is an osnf fic \o/! many spoilers for that season. it's based on a canon divergent au me and @factorialsotherfandoms came up with and this one in particular involves the helper and the gatekeeper!

also below the cut for anyone who hasn't seen ordem but is curious about the fic is a brief summary of some world-building elements that will help with understanding the fic \o/ but not the plot because that will take too long lol

reblogs appreciated \o/!! hope you guys enjoy

brief worldbuilding stuff: the helper and the gatekeeper are from a town called santo berço which was a seemingly perfect town apart from the fact that the people are brainwashed to some degree into wanting to stay there and there's a parasite (the saint/a god) feeding on some of them. everyone in the town uses their work titles as their names, and they have an alien-ish appearance (Luzidio) but can switch into a human appearance (Ignaro) at will. the crystals mentioned are healing crystals that have the ability to knock people out if ingested. i can't explain buttery butter. blame felps for this creation

--

The Helper stands in front of the mirror, his Ignaro form staring back. Technically he doesn’t need to be in it right now, but he’ll need to get used to it eventually, so… he’s practicing. 

The eyes are maybe the strangest bit about it. They feel smaller. The familiar blackness now shrunk down and encased by other colours—brown and white. 

He leans closer to the mirror and pokes at his cheek where his markings would be. Maybe if he looks close enough he’ll still be able to see the faint shadow of them—

“Why are you acting like it’s new?” The Gatekeeper says. “You’ve seen this form before.” 

The Helper jumps at the sudden appearance of his voice, and spins around to face him. He doesn’t like having people behind him anymore—an alien distrust crawling through his body at even the thought of it. 

“I know, I’m just… getting used to it. You know?” He shrugs, and tries to force himself to relax. “I never used to use it much before, but now it’s going to be pretty much constant, right?”

“That’s true.” 

Cautiously, the Gatekeeper drifts closer. They don’t have the crystals anymore, and he’s not holding a weapon so it should be fine. 

Really, he wishes his brain would stop thinking so hard about it. He’s one of the few people who actually managed to survive and that was because of the Gatekeeper. 

It’s just… 

It’s hard to put the memory out of his mind of the Gatekeeper approaching him with a knife and wrestling crystals into his mouth.

“It is strange.” The Gatekeeper admits with a small smile as he stops close in front of him. “I only ever saw you like this when we were messing around.”

“And you went on lots of Pilgrimages, right?” The Helper says, knocking their shoulders together gently with a smile that doesn’t quite feel real crossing his face. He doesn’t like it, but no attempts at widening the smile make it feel realer. “So you’re probably dealing fine, huh?” 

“Eh…” The Gatekeeper shrugs. “With this, yeah.” 

He’s in his Luzidio form now. It’s nice. A tiny bit of familiarity to cling onto. 

“What if we lose it?” The Gatekeeper continues, something nervous seeping into his tone. 

“What?” The Helper tilts his head, eyebrows furrowing. “What do you mean?” 

“This form.” He points to himself. “We only had this because of the Saint’s influence. What if we lose it now?” 

“Well, we—“ He cuts himself off as the full implications hit him, a hollow feeling settling into his chest. It’s uncomfortable. He never used to feel this way in Santo Berço, but now it’s almost all he can feel. “We—We get used to it, I guess.” 

The Gatekeeper reaches a hand up—slowly, but the Helper can’t help but flinch away a little. All he does, though, is settle it onto his cheek. Doesn’t try to pry his mouth open. Doesn’t try to force the anaesthesia down his throat. 

“You should, uh…” The Gatekeeper shifts his thumb to line up with where the Helper’s markings would be. Presses down firmly, but not enough to hurt. “You should get them tattooed.”

“Okay.” This smile feels a little more real. “Would you?”

“Ah, maybe.” He shrugs. “I’m still not… sure how I feel about, uh, all of it.” 

“I like them.” The Helper brings a finger up to trace down one before letting it drop to his side again. “I’d miss them.”

“O-Okay.” The Gatekeeper looks away, his cheeks darkening. “Maybe for you, then.”

The Helper frowns. He misses Santo Berço. Misses the simplicity of it. Everything out here just feels like a mess—the selfish desire to keep at least one thing the same, versus the guilt of forcing the Gatekeeper to do something he doesn’t particularly want to do. 

“Only if it’s for you, too.” He tries another smile. “From what you’ve said, it sounds like it’s about time you do things for yourself, hm?” 

The Gatekeeper is still cupping his cheek, so he can feel the moment his hands start shaking. He wonders if they shook when he spilled his blood to fake his death. 

“I…” His voice cracks. He drops his hand from the Helper’s face so he can wrap him in a tight hug instead. “I’m so glad you’re here. My god, I’m so glad you’re here, Helper, I… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” 

The Helper hugs him back.

“It’s okay. Everything’s okay now.”

For a while they stand there. The Gatekeeper isn’t quite crying, but he is trembling in the Helper’s arms—murmuring things that he can’t make out, but are probably apologies. 

When he pulls away he doesn’t go far. And he’s still trembling a little—his eyes shiny with unshed tears—but he seems more put together than he was a moment ago. 

“I’ll—I’ll figure out how to make buttery butter, okay?” The Gatekeeper promises. 

“Oh, how cool!” For the first time since they got here, a spark of excitement ignites in him. “We can all experiment together! I’m sure we’ll get it right eventually, you know?”

“Hopefully.” The Gatekeeper sends him a watery smile. “I just—I know how much you like it. You did always say it was the best part of Santo Berço.”

That was when he still had Santo Berço. When he didn’t have to miss it. But the sentiment is sweet, and he is clawing for any scrap of familiarity. 

For the Collector and the Nurse it isn’t so bad, he thinks. As much as they might miss it, they know what it’s like to live without it. All they’ll need is a readjustment period. 

The Gatekeeper is in his boat, but it’s different. He’s always hated Santo Berço—apparently. And he’s probably been on enough Pilgrimages to understand how the world outside is. 

“Thank you.” It’s worth being optimistic, though. “I think between the four of us we’ll get close!”

“We will.” The Gatekeeper declares—an intensity to him that the situation doesn’t really require. “I promise.”

They should maybe talk about that. The devotion he feels for them. 

The Helper knows the Nurse doesn’t like it. He’s aware of her wariness every time the Gatekeeper is around. But they all saw the fates of the people still connected to the Saint, and the Helper finds it difficult to hate his friend for his original plan. 

He doesn’t want to open up the discussion and find out she has a reason to still be worried, though. It’s a strange enough thing to know your friend would kill you to prevent your suffering. To not be able to shake the fear that came with the certainty you were about to die by his hands. 

He doesn’t want it to be made worse. He’s lost too much to lose the Gatekeeper now.

“Come on.” The Helper says, nudging the Gatekeeper into action. “The Nurse said you should be resting, and you know she knows what she’s talking about.” 

“If you could say that with less infatuation in your voice I’d be more inclined to believe you, you know?” The Gatekeeper says teasingly. “But you’re right—she’s right—I am tired. Maybe you could carry me?”

The Gatekeeper had collapsed when the Saint was killed. Dropped like a stone before any of them could catch him. It wasn’t as worrying as bursting into flames, but it was still terrifying. 

The Helper had carried him to safety. Held on tightly to him—almost afraid he’d disappear in front of him, just like his dad had. 

“Yeah, okay.” 

And then he scoops him up. 

It’s as easy to carry him as last time, but this time feels nicer. Less terrifying. Instead of being limp and unconscious in his arms, the Gatekeeper clings back to him immediately—his eyes widening in shock.

The Helper laughs. The Gatekeeper clearly wasn’t expecting the request to be taken seriously, but he doesn’t complain or ask to be put down and it’s—it’s nice. 

It’s a short walk to the spare room, but the Gatekeeper is already dozing off. He lays him down in bed gently, but the Gatekeeper grabs his arm before he can leave. 

“Wait, can you—can you stay?” He asks, his voice shaky with something the Helper would label as fear. “Please? Just until I fall asleep.”

“Okay.” 

He was going to wait up until the Nurse got back from her shift, but that won’t be for a few more hours. 

So, he gets into bed, but doesn’t lay down—unwilling to tempt sleep. Just sits there and lets the Gatekeeper curl up against him. It’s a bit of a tight fit, but he doesn’t mind. The closeness is nice, actually. 

“Goodnight.” He cards a hand through the Gatekeeper’s hair. Like this, it’s hard to imagine he could be capable of murder. “Sleep well.” 

“Thank you. Goodnight.” 

The Gatekeeper falls asleep quickly, but the Helper doesn’t leave yet. It’s peaceful. And it wouldn’t hurt to keep an eye on the Gatekeeper’s health. 

The Nurse had said he’ll probably need more time to recover than them, but she had also asked the Helper to tell her if he seemed to be getting worse. 

He was his dad’s assistant before the Blacksmith’s, after all. And while he definitely doesn’t have the knack for it that the Nurse does, he thinks he could at least figure out if she needs to reassess his condition. 

But the Gatekeeper seems fine for now, and he has a couple of hours to kill. So, he grabs the book on the bedside table that the Gatekeeper’s been reading through and starts reading it himself.

--

hope you guys enjoyed \o/!! i'm happy to talk more about the au's details if anyone's curious

[harleyspinn]

i reworked the noble hierarchy in westeros

i saw a tweet about this yesterday and couldn’t stop thinking about it. it said something along the lines of “i wish grrm had used more diversity in highborn titles bc everyone is just a lord.” while i think grrm said he did this on purpose to make it all less confusing, i had a hyperfixation on noble rankings a few months ago and started developing more nuance to this stuff once i fixated on asoiaf. because of the tweet i really Really wanted to share this but i do not have a public twitter account (thank god)

also i don’t like that the literal king of the continent is called “your grace” when that title usually refers to non-royal dukes / duchesses. yeah it used to be a monarch’s title but the term “majesty” is so much more dramatic and i Love that stuff !!! i used a combination of english and canon titles with a dash of russian influence

THIS IS JUST FOR FUN it’s completely self serving and i wanted to share it for anyone else who desires even more complication in this fuckin series Don’t Attack Me.

so yippee here is my personal opinion on how westerosi nobility should be addressed (under the cut bc long post). the heading is the reworked title and form of address, and below i have random notes and reasonings aka me infodumping

pm if you have any questions or want to contribute!!!!

King / Queen of Westeros - “His / Her Imperial Majesty”

i wanted this to be more commanding and imposing to really show how coveted and important the throne and its power is aka give more realistic purpose for people to want it so bad. i think grander titles can put that idea him to people’s heads (besides “it’s neat” or as daemon said “a big chair made of swords”)

the title king / queen is perfectly good but i think it should be reserved for only the sole person on the throne. in my made-up ending of asoiaf, dany is queen of the six kingdoms (the north seceded and is ruled by sansa like in the show, and they have a close political allyship) and abolishes male-favoring primogeniture.

she also does some other stuff but that doesn’t matter here

westeros is technically an empire but i don’t want to call the monarch the emperor or empress, so i used just the form of address. since it’s a lot of syllables, the full three-word title is only needed during introductions or the very first address of the monarch. afterwards, the person speaking to them can just call them “your majesty” or “majesty” or “my king / queen”

—

Spouse of the King / Queen:

Grand Duke / Duchess - “His / Her Imperial Highness”

again, i wanted the king / queen to be The Person In Charge (whether or not the actual person does the work they should lol) so their spouse is less powerful than them and therefore not called “majesty”

i wanted to change this title more drastically because of my made-up ending (where dany is queen) and how there would definitely be future female monarchs who marry men, and i think having the king consort be called King would be confusing to people who are used to having only male rulers. it’d mess with their little heads

a duke is a nobleman who rules over a duchy and a lot of them are royal. in a lot of european monarchies, the grand duke title holds a similar amount of weight as the grand prince or archduke (i think used only in austria, so i didn’t go with that one) and only less than the king / queen so i thought this was a good fit :)

THAT BEING SAID!!!!!! this is also a lot more syllables. i decided that culturally and historically, most people have shortened their reference to the king’s wife and call her the queen. in all formal situations she would be the grand duchess, but calling her the queen for ease of conversation isn’t treason

—

Widowed spouse of the King / Queen:

Grand Lord / Lady - “His / Her Imperial Highness”

this was a recent addition because i thought everyone calling alicent the queen in hotd was a little silly. she was the queen for some time and is now the mother of the current king (and queen) and i like that they call her “queen dowager” sometimes, but since she would have been called the grand duchess in this timeline, i adapted that into something that seems respected and important but matches the political power they hold (not very much)

like how the grand duchess is casually called the queen, a grand lord / lady is sometimes called the queen dowager or the queen mother (see next point)

there is an exception to this title: if the widowed spouse is regent while their child is underaged or unable to rule (ceresi after joffrey is crowned) then they are called the queen regent or the queen mother, but becomes grand lady after their child comes of age. another example of this would be aegon ii being crowned when he’s an adult, so alicent was never his regent, therefore she would only be queen dowager or mother

all of this also swaps to if there’s a male widow it’s all the same thing just made masculine bc i don’t know the nuance of gender identity in westeros

i don’t like this one as much but idk what else to call it lmao

—

Siblings of the King / Queen:

Grand Prince / Princess - “His / Her Imperial Highness”

similar reasoning to the grand duke / duchess. siblings of an active monarch are super important but are not the same as their spouse

concerning targcest: the more important title overrules the one they’re first entitled to. example: helaena is never a grand princess because her and aegon married before he was crowned. she goes right to grand duchess, whereas aemond and daeron (yeah.) are grand princes

importantly, this title stays the same if and when the sibling outlives the monarch. they keep it for their whole lives Unless they gain a more important one, whereas almost all other titles change as soon as the monarchs do

—

Children, Grandchildren, and Siblings-in-law of the King / Queen

Prince / Princess - “His / Her Imperial Highness”

sometimes simplicity is key. in my head, any augments to this title indicates a lowering in status (the addition of “grand” meaning that they aren’t in line for the throne anymore, and the addition of “lord / lady” lowering them to a further removed position. second one is coming up next)

—

Children-in-law and nephews / nieces of King / Queen:

Lord Prince / Lady Princess - “His / Her Highness”

these guys either aren’t blood related to the monarch or aren’t really in line for the throne. since non-royal nobility is still all variations of lord / lady to me, giving them this additional word kind of removes them from the main royal family

also taking away the full extent of the address by removing the “imperial.” they’re deserving of respect because of their relation, but are still more lowborn

the children-in-law of a monarch can keep their royal title(s) if they are widowed, but they lose them if they divorce

—

Great-grandchildren of King / Queen:

Great Lord / Lady - “His / Her Grace”

and so appears the title of “your grace”

i wish i didn’t have to come up with this one but people have kids so damn young in this world that the kids often have actual relationships with their great-grandparents. so here we go, a royal-friendly variation of the lord / lady title. they aren’t grand, but they are great

—

King / Queen of The North - “His / Her Majesty”

i like the idea of a free north. idk what the iron islands are doing and i haven’t thought about it enough to care yet

the north is not an empire, so they don’t get the addition of “imperial”

—

Spouse of the King / Queen of The North:

King / Queen - “His / Her Grace”

again, i just wanted to be loyal to grrm’s choice of address. and i don’t think the north would care as much as to who is who in terms of The Ruler, so sansa’s husband can be called the king

—

Widowed spouse of the King / Queen of The North:

Lord King / Lady Queen

they’re royal but they’re also not too politically powerful. same as the westerosi one. i just got hit with sleepiness so sorry if these notes fall off in terms of quality

they don’t have a form of address beyond “my lord / lady” bc the north is less formal

—

Siblings of the King / Queen of The North:

Prince / Princess

same as above in reference to the form of address!

i didn’t want to name it this for a while Only Because arya would not like being called princess. but it made sense for everyone else, so here we are

—

Children of the King / Queen of The North:

Prince / Princess - “His / Her Grace”

if there aren’t any kids of the king or queen, then the younger sibling that they name their heir is also called this. like when robb is king then bran is his heir bc he doesn’t have kids so he is called this when it’s just him and rickon in winterfell early in the series

—

Prince / Princess of Dorne - “His / Her Highness”

full respect to the dornish wanting to keep in their ways hell yeah

this also goes for the spouse of the ruler! the both of them are meant to rule in tandem because dorne is less exclusionary than the rest of westeros in this sense

—

Siblings of the Prince / Princess of Dorne:

Lord / Lady

dornish royal custom is more informal but i still wanted the family to be called something, so i mirrored the rest of the continent

—

Children of the Prince / Princess of Dorne:

Lordborn / Ladyborn - “His / Her Grace”

same as above!

—

Head of a Great House - Highlord / Highlady - “His / Her Grace”

this is basically a lord paramount. the primary house of a region (the old kings) is called a great house. i wanted to keep some of grrm’s titles so not much would reallyyyy have to change, but there’s basically no difference between a lord paramount and a vassal house and a lowborn one so here we are

the books refer to these people as “high lords” so that’s mostly where this came from. i also really like combining words that make sense to be combined! that’s why some of these new titles are Just altered versions of lord or lady

i want the highlords to be distinctly different from lower houses, so they have a simple form of address

—

Spouse and Siblings of the Head of a Great House:

Lord / Lady

yes both of these guys have the same title because they probably carry similar power and influence with the highlord

—

Children of the Head of a Great House:

Lordborn / Ladyborn

this is also inspired by the term “lordling” that’s used in the canon. once one of the children becomes a highlord, their siblings all take the lord or lady title

—

Head of a normal House - Lord / Lady

boring run of the mill yes yes let’s go

i don’t feel like making another category: the spouses of a head are also called a lord or lady. same thing

—

Children of a Head of a normal House:

Lordborn / Ladyborn

born of a lord. girl is lady born of a lord

—

MISC NOTES!!!!

knights are still Ser ofc

once a person is appointed to a role of importance, they themselves are obligated to the title of Lord or Lady. this doesn’t extend to their family members. in my mind, these roles are ones on the small council or a high steward. ofc if this person already has that title then they just keep it

instead of “my lord husband” (example), the royal family would refer to other royal family members as “my royal husband” or “my royal hand” if the hand of the king is another royal family member

if a highlady marries a man then the husband does not need to change his house / surname, but if a highlord marries a lady or ladyborn then she becomes “Lady [name] [house surname] of House [husband’s house]”

the daughters of a head can keep their lady title if they marry someone with no titles but they hold little power

widows of a head may also keep their title but them and their children hold little power after the passing of their lord

nieces and nephews don’t get titles unless they’re related to royalty

children born to a lady and a non-lord do not get titles

idk if this is canon but in my head all dornish bastards are legitimized if they are children of any royal family members

the introduction “of House [name]” is reserved for royalty, great houses, and the head of a normal house. everyone else who belongs to a lower house is just called “[first name] [house name]”

continued from above and similar to the informal address of a grand duke / duchess, royalty and nobles and such are still addressed without the “of House [name]” but only in informal settings or after being addressed with their full title

i probably said this, but titles of all house members change right as fellow members or lose titles (examples: if a head of house dies before their siblings the siblings return to their prior titles, often lordborn / ladyborn if they were also children of the previous head. same for widowed partners)

IF YOU READ THIS ALL THANK U I AM FUELED BY AUTISM AND EGGO WAFFLES

[thetoaddaddy]

thinkin about an au i was building but didn’t want to bore people with a really detailed au that they would have to read in order to understand it just for smut for my fic series that was mostly short one shots so let me drop it here

a longish explanation underneath. Cut it so you don’t gotta scroll through a big post

it be a deity au. In which the sannin and other prominent figures were well deities. Heavy influence was from japanese folklore and some games. You know how the god and goddess lists are pretty huge so it’s not totally out of reason to kinda make ur own sort of tree using the same kind of logic? Sorta like that.

But the basic rules of the universe was that gods were actual beings. And the more prayer, followers, renown, and general admiration the stronger they were. They can do what their intended tasks are. Like rain or good luck. They can roam beyond their shrine(to which they’re bound to almost like that was their real body. So if it falls into ruin so do they)

And my idea with this was basically both oro and tsuna had devout followers. And thus were pretty powerful and free roaming. Oro had more sinister vibes, a god of war and trickery. Tsuna was a goddess of healing, wisdom and prosperity. And thus they also had a lot of prayers to answer. So it was more of a mutual expectation of gods to their followers. If that makes sense. Like a balance of devotion so long as the prayers were answered. Almost like genshin? But not as complicated lmao. (And i thought of this before i played the funny anime game so dont @ me)

But in this instance jir was more of a forgotten god. Bound to his shrine up on a lonely mountain, his memory and consciousness barely in tact. With no one to feed him with basically attention and belief he’s sorta stuck in a limbo. Basically circling the drain. He doesn’t even remember what his role is like oro or tsuna do(not that it’s hard to guess lol). The only thing really keeping him from fully dying are some rather cute kitsune (sunshine boi and his parents) who at this point make sure he doesn’t accidentally fall off a cliff.

idk. I know it could be a little indulgent. Especially if all he gets is one or two people who just sorta stumble upon him. Which means he slowly remembers who he is and if ya nasty fall in love.

I like thinking outside the box when it comes to aus for our muses. And this is a bit of a mashup of various lores from various sources and our own mentally ill mind.

But I’ve always wanted to do something with it. Especially with muses who tap into the japanese folklore. Its one of those worlds where it’s not just the gods its demons too. Onis, ghosts, weird sentient hair combs with a vendetta, goblins, ghouls. All that cool interesting stuff that makes japanese folklore so cool. I see it as the classic setting, more feudal fantasy than anything modern.

[bobbydagen24]

anyone else here read this fan fic? I absolutely loved it in fact I finished it a few weeks ago and I just went back and reread chapter 16 and my god its still Heart-breaking.

the person who wrote it did a great Job with the characters honestly its everything I Really wanted to see with the Brothers after TBT and chapter 16 where we get the big confrontation.

where Branch loses it after the Bros tell him they're going to leave soon but try to Reassure him that they will all still be in each other's lives is just Heart Breaking AF.

another Detail I Really appreciated was even after all the major emotional Drama was Resolved and the family did come back together the writer still had Branch admit to himself that he may always have some issues with his Brothers due to their History.

it was just nice acknowledging the family wouldn't just suddenly be perfect with each other given all the History but they were still going to try in the present day to keep the family together.

Honestly after finishing Reading this Fic I felt a little Bummed out when I Remembered that this wasn't actually a cannon story I'd just Read lol.

I know at the end of the day its a franchise meant for children so we're not going to get a slice of life Drama Tv show like this Fan fic felt like.

but I do Hope we see another Christmas Special and or Tv show in the future that maybe covers some stuff similar to this.

like Branch Fearing that after his Brothers leave they will just never come back and cut off all contact with him again.

and maybe a nice little mature acknowledgment that his Abandonment issues wouldn't just suddenly be fixed because the Bros sang one song together in a life or death situation.

and it'd be nice to see them having a more serous Reaction to seeing Branch's Bunker and seeing the paranoid crazy Hermit life he lived for so long.

I know they have keep things light for the kids but as we saw in the first film and unlike in TBT there can be a good Balance between serous and light hearted content.

so I Have my fingers crossed for a future Holiday Special and or Tv show that could expand on the family stuff a bit more in an interesting emotional way.

what do you think?

[blitzxiiru]

I loooooooove your future 2012 AU of the boys. They all look so badass and cool but still them and its so GOOD. I wanna consume them.

I also had some questions if thats okay? What happened to Leo's leg? Did his knee injury gradually get worse and he was like "lol im gonna cut it off" or did he get reinjured in that spot and that was basically the end of the entire leg? Also how old are they in this AU? I know they are supposed to be adults but like in their 20s? I'm just wondering cause their character sheets dont have ages. ALSO LEO BEING THE SHORTEST MADE MY ENTIRE LIFE. (Props to Mikey for finally gaining some height). And I LOVE Donnie's long ass bandana tails, he looks so cool but so dramatic with them its great. Anyway thank you for your time and this beautiful AU!

AIHDDJHDJD THANK YOU SO MUCH IM HAPPY THAT YOU ENJOY THE FUTURE 12 GREMLINS. as traumatised as they are, they’ve worked through it despite some really rough patches. they definitely still have their bad days and nightmares, but they’ve learned to grow together and help each other through those bad times. they’ve changed and grown in their own way ofc, but they needed to relive the teenage years that they’ve lost, that’s why they’re still somewhat themselves in my au :)

LEO’S LEG

it’s actually a mix of both! leo kept pressuring his knee and over the years it gradually became worse — since he kept pushing his knee beyond it’s limits it keeps getting re-injured. the final straw was him snapping his knee again (completely this time) during a nasty fight and had to chop it off. the phantom pains he gets from his missing limb is… horrible, to say the least.

(BUT THAT FIRST SCENARIO YOU MENTIONED WOULD BE SO FUNNY THOUGH. imagine leo waking up one day and going, “oh wow. this knee injury hurts really bad, maybe i should chop it off. lol im actually gonna do it.” cue him barging into donnies lab like “DONNIE. I DEMAND YOU CUT MY LEG OFF” “WHAT?!” “CUT MY LEG OFF IT HURTS” “OF COURSE IT HURTS WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOU’RE THE ONE WHO KEEPS INSISTING THAT YOU SHOULD ‘TRAIN’ IT.” “yeah but i think my blood circulation isnt working look my leg is pale” “WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK LEO” and boom. leg no more.)

AGES

they should be around their late 20s in this au, i hc that for every season of the show they age one year. so at the start they were like 15, and the show had 5 seasons (granted s5 was a bit messy and was full of aus and past flashbacks, but there was that demodragon arc and stuff) so they would be 20 at the end of the show. specifically they’re like 28 :) they are kinda old but hey at least they don’t have to pay taxes in the sewers…

HEIGHT PROBLEMS

oh god, when raph suddenly had a growth spurt it was horrible for leo. he was relentlessly being teased every single day and raph would NOT let off. and then when MIKEY hit being 1cm taller than leo, the teasing fucking doubled and he was downright miserable. they kept growing while leo was barely getting any height. he’s still their sensei though — and he makes them do extra training as punishment for the relentless teasing :) donnie doesn’t join in on the teasing (sometimes he does) but he does snicker when raph and mikey make jokes about leo’s height. it’s funnier for him because he’s been the tallest out of all of them since day one.

MORE ABOUT DONNIE

and yessss i loved designing donnie! since he was tall everything about his design had to compensate for his height so i figured long mask tails and a long lab coat would do the trick. his brothers were concerned over him tripping on his mask tails but he hasn’t, not even ONCE. he is one graceful, careful boy. he braids it or ties it into a bow whenever he does lab work so it doesn’t accidentally slip into one of his chemicals somehow. sometimes he lets mikey do it for him :)

thank you for the questions anon!!! these were super fun to answer and i hope it helped clarify a little more about the au :))

[gaysnorlax]

the more i think about it, the more the dlc actually made me care MORE about miquella and malenia.

i had no feelings towards miquella except "ur sus as fuck" in the basegame, i thought malenia was cool as a boss but i didnt really care for her as a character. but the recontextualising of the dlc made me think they r pretty interesting. (big spoilers and thoughts under the cut)

if there is an item/dialogue that disproves me then i guess i am wrong, but from my interpretation miquella started with hopeful, uncomplicated motivations. but theres only so long you can keep that up in your not-erdtree before you realise your reach is only so much, and the good you do to these individuals is essentially Not Enough when you cant help everyone and your family is out there running a kingdom built on hatred. it makes sense for me to go from that to "i hate gods, i hate what they have done, but if this is the system in play then i will game the system". it even makes sense to me to abandon a sister who (imo) he loved dearly, because she is one person, and your new system will help Everyone. it makes sense in this mindset to manipulate and use her to go get your new consort, because once you have your new "perfect" world, there will be no need for manipulation- but youre not there yet, youre still living in the hateful world of your mother. it makes sense to abandon your soul-dead brother, because he is one person and in your new world, you can help everyone.

imo the consort stuff doesnt completely track with my theory, in that my theory is that radhan was chosen to give carian legitimacy and minimise outside threat to a world that you hope will no longer have to go to war. (ranni was "dead", and rykard is a Snake so. radahn is all there is lmfao, and even then its suspect whether radahn actually agreed), but the game seems to add a lot of personal feelings there which im not sure were always there. maybe miquella realised he had spurned everyone else who cared for him in his pursuit of a better world and held onto the only person he still had. idk. theres probably lore but i didnt catch every item or dialogue.

i do not think miquella is evil manipulative 100% no feelings scheming evil griffith, i think he had a dangerous set of tools (ability to completely charm people) and a dire situation that was not getting any better while he kept to the moral high road. i also have some thoughts that the st trina split happened as he started contemplating doing Bad Stuff, where she wanted to keep to their original morals.

anyway thats mY OPINION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i might be totally wrong, but this is just how the story and characters read to me

still dont care much about radahn tho lol x

[forsakensword-if]

Hey, I just discovered this and well, considering just how obsessed I am with angel stories, I had to follow immediately.

Unsurprisingly considering my tastes, Lucifer is the RO I'm interested in, but I have a few questions about their romance. - Is this romance "easier" or "harder" to achieve with a Michael who has a certain personality or another? I'm planning on doing a pretty benevolent character though I will iron the details once I can actually play the game. - I was thinking on having a character who would turn their back on God after a while, but is this mandatory in order to actually romance Lucifer? - And on that matter, is the disposition towards humans linked to MC's loyatly towards their creator? Because I would love my character to remain benevolent towards humans regardless of the rest. - I believe a member of the "friend group" is a fallen/demon hunter right? How does that... impact the romance with Lucifer. And the other way around too - wouldn't romancing them break that one specific friendship? - Lucifer seems possessive of Michael, but I wonder how does it show? Like, do they actively say stuff like Michael belonging to them unprompted and from the very start of the story, or is this only an opinion they keep to themself? Mostly wondering since I'm curious about the possible dynamics between them. - Is it possible to have a preexisting crush on them? I mean, decide by the start of the game the MC had a crush on them for a while.

Yeah, it's a very specific series of questions (I hope none has been answered already, tumblr hasn't been cooperating with me). Thanks for taking your time to check these and answer them if you can! Have a great day!

hello! i hope i answered these sufficiently, and thank you for the interest!

under the cut because this is kinda long.

1. lucifer will want michael no matter what personality you choose to play with. you could play the sweetest michael or the darkest michael, it wouldn’t make a difference in getting their route.

2. no, however you decide to feel about god, that won’t change lucifer’s opinion on michael. nor will it change their opinion on god.

3. that will be for you to decide. some michael’s might remain benevolent to humans even after they turn their back on god and some might have only been benevolent towards humans because they had to be.

4. not really. arik is very aware of michael and lucifer’s more complicated relationship and while he’s protective of michael, he understands that some things are just beyond his understanding. michael’s feelings for lucifer being one of them. also not many hunters tend to go after lucifer, they’re far too powerful and generally keep the others in line. also arik falls for noor so it’d be a bit hypocritical of them lol.

5. to begin with, no. it’s lucifer’s pov that will allow you to see their possessiveness at first (for those who don’t read povs, you can be just as surprised (or not) by it as michael). they show it more with actions rather than words, but when lucifer loses their temper or gets scared for michael’s life, that’s when they start straight up telling michael that they belong to them.

6. that is possible! it will also be possible to decide whether your michael became ashamed of their crush on lucifer after they fell. however, you will not have the option to have told lucifer about how you feel pre-fall.

hope you also have a great day!

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Monday Evening Fandom :) This will be my new schedule Monday, Wednesday and Saturday. So I can get all the remaining eps in before the premiere. Should finish the week before we get to squee over a new season. So you'll have one more extra a week till we reach S6.

Some fun UC stuff for them to do in this one and the ever famous scene in the van. The marriage moments in this one continue. Off we go.

4x07 Fire Fight

We start off with our couple bringing someone in to book. She ran a stop sign AND a red light. Then flipped them off and made them chase her. Then has the audacity to ask why they arrested her? LOL My god...She tells them she was late for her life coach session. Tim makes a crack that her coach is doing a terrible job haha The sass Timothy I'm here for it.

As she gets processed Lucy brings up the bet from the previous episode. Tim retorting ‘The bet I won?’ Lucy fires right back that she won it. Their banter is unrivaled I love it so much. Tim telling her he had the gold in his hand. Lucy defending only because she had to arrest an armed gunmen. Tim tries to take the glory for this as well. That he technically arrested him. You know with his arm.

Lucy scoffing saying all he did was extend his arm out. Flirt nation right off the bat in this one. You know she’s actually impressed by it but can’t let his ego know that fact. Tim is trying to impress her by saying this. My goodness these two. It is very impressive he did that and wants her to know it. They're entering into the bantery foreplay early in this one.

Poor Grey gets dragged into their work flirt I mean fight. Tim really shouldn’t have been shocked at all when Grey said he suspected in 5x12. Man has been front row to this flirt fest for years . When he said that I think he meant long before that moment. He knew for a VERY long time. Poor Wade he just wants to get his job done. He wandered into booking thinking he could get in and out. Then in come Tim and Lucy to drag him into their fight LMAO

They're trying to get him to settle their bet from 4x06. They’re so damn competitive neither can settle for a tie. Grey affirms he thought it was as such. This was not the answer either of them wanted. Tim wants a rematch because of course he does. Lucy is adorable and says they should do an escape room LOL She had to know that wasn’t going to fly. Tim says no to that naturally. His reaction is hilarious.

So off put by the idea of being stuck in one. Decides they need a neutral party to decide their next competition. I love how in-sync they are when they turn to Grey. Same brain and same body language. Look how they mirror each other it's crazy. Sure Wade is thinking my god just find a room already. Instead he catches onto what they want. The way they both nod is so well timed they’re ridiculous and I love it sfm. Chemistry is unreal. Hats off to Eric and Melissa.

Grey agrees to this if only to get them to leave him the hell alone heh. He assigns them random penal codes. Says whoever gets their arrest first wins. Lucy could not be cuter waiting for hers. Tim gets his and isn’t pleased with it. Lucy is shocked he even knows what his is. Since its obscure as hell. Tim is fresh af with her replying 'She didn’t?' Ha her reaction. My god the punches just don’t get pulled with these two.

Tim says it’s unfair. SMH Oh Timothy pouting isn’t gonna work with Grey. He tells him life isn’t fair. Lucy is beaming about this. I love these two ridiculous fools so much. The woman they brought in is done with booking. She clearly doesn’t want to go into a cell. Tells them she know’s about a real crime. Says if she tells them she can cut a deal? Tim replies ‘What’s the crime?’

We return to them heading into interrogation. Lucy hands him a list of places they should go when they’re back out. Tim hands it right back without looking. Knowing exactly why she wants to hit those places. So she can win their bet. Doesn't hesitate as he calls her out on it. Lucy fires right back saying she knows he went to Nell. These two are so amazingly absurd.

Doing whatever they can to win this bloody bet of theirs. Lucy doesn’t let him get away with it for more than two seconds. She has your number Timothy. Always has always will. Her wifey 'Mmm' is everything. So he admits to giving Nell Dodger tickets haha Lucy looks like she wants to smack him. Also she can’t fault him she’s trying to play dirty too. You two competitive dopes are meant to be. I can only imagine how they would be in S6 with a competition.

Even though they’re battling he still holds the door open for her to interrogation. My heart. Ever the gentleman. They’re following up on the tip they were given earlier. The woman they’ve pulled in for questioning is in regards to her new skin care line. She confuses Tim right off the bat. He can't even process what she is saying so he turns to Lucy to decipher it for him.

Classic husband move to turn right to Lucy for the answer. It's so cute. She’s like later haha That it’s not important right now. She will explain later. So married looking to his wife for answers. Gotta love it. They were given a jar of her skin care. They tested it based on their tip and it has endangered tiger blood in it.

She doesn’t even deny it. Like she is proud of the fact her stuff has it. Lucy tells her she could end up in jail for up to 5 years for this. The cockiness disappears. Then the cycle of giving one another up continues. She panics and tells them about someone named Sloan. That she’s selling psychedelics as vitamins. Tim sighs deeply and asks for this woman’s last name for them to follow up.

They have round 2 in interrogation. Tim was already annoyed going into this LMAO He asks Sloan to take her sunglasses off. She complains the fluorescent lights give her headaches. Tim informs her that is the least of her problems. That they’ve been informed about her “vitamins” Sloan poorly defends herself and says she’s just using her husband’s prescription pad. That it’s ok…Oh my lord. It so is not.

Tim goes off his patience wearing very thin. Tells her this makes her a drug dealer. A high level one at that. She could be facing 20 years in federal prison for it. Sloan starts to stutter and panic. Saying how this has gotten horribly out of hand. Then asks how ratted her out? They don’t say. Then she mentions someone named Aston. That she has to be the one ratting her out. So she turns on her continuing the blame game cycle.

She tells them Aston is trying to hire a hitman. That her husband is worth more dead than alive. She’s been on the dark web trying to get it done. The reactions above are the best part. Tim was so very done going into this. This just made it so much worse. I love the shared look. Lucy is trying not to laugh at this situation. Looking at Tim to ground her. The way they check in with each other gives me all the feels. They’re both flabbergasted by the ring of ridiculousness they’ve been dragged into.

Cue to the infamous van scene. Tim rolls up not expecting the flack he gets. Lucy is on him immediately. Seriously judging his choice in disguise. How he looks like himself and not the hitman she was picturing at all. Lucy is truly is the teacher in this moment and schools him so hard about his choice. You know she’s enjoying bossing him around. The way she tells him to get into the van is too funny. Waving his ass in. Ready to teach him a Lucy Lesson. Heh

It’s fun to watch her be the more knowledgeable of the two in an OP. Tim fights her the minute they sit down. Lucy sighs and presses on. Schooling her man on UC and what they're trying to accomplish today. He is biting back a smile at her logical teasing. Look him above. He WANTS to be annoyed but he isn't really. Once again impressed by her confidence and knowledge on this. So he acts annoyed because he has a fake bravado to protect and all that.

She continues on with more irrefutable logic. He's looking at this wrong. They're not there to dupe a seasoned criminal. That he’s fooling someone who gets her ideas from Lifetime movies. LMFAO Where is the lie? Tim can’t fault her logic even though he wishes she was wrong. Lucy shoves the jacket at Tim tells him to put it on. (Bosses his ass around I love it sfm. He kinda does too.) He begrudgingly snatches it from her to put on and she thanks him.

Let’s not skate past the fact she is checking him out long before she is putting that mic on him above. As he is putting on that jacket she is doing an elevator gaze of her own. She does a double take of him really. Swallows hard too like she's pushing down her desire in this moment. As subtle as a hammer Lucy. Tim commenting he looks like an idiot. That he would pull himself over. haha Lucy definitely does not agree. She begs to differ quite a bit. Lucy bounces back and says he looks exactly as he should. She is holding firm refusing to let his sass sway her or break her confidence. How far we've come.

Then comes the wonderful shameless eye sex. The brazen UST look that could ignite that van on fire. Lucy's reaction is how I would react. She can clearly see how fit he is. She knew but had never seen the glorious proof up close. You can tell she finds him so very attractive. I mean look at him. Gah beautifully toned chest and abs. Delicious pecs to go with that sculpted chest. Phew lord. Pass the ice water please.

She’s trying not to just stare at his toned chest but has to in order to mic him up. She’s touching him and doesn’t know how to handle it. Shoving his shirt up even higher than needed without realizing it. It's up to his neck. Tim broke her brain haha The awkward glances up crack me up. She’s trying not to make eye contact but also not just stare at his beautiful body either. Rock and a hard place Lucy. Gah we need more shirtless Tim in S6. You hear me writers? I need MORE LOL

Tim isn’t exactly helping with his matching intense gaze. He doesn’t break eye contact with her except to look down at where she is placing it. Tim is flirting right back with his own thirsty gaze. He can feel how electrically charged this moment is. Feeling very aware of her gaze and returning it in kind. They're feeding off each other 100% right now.

Tim is the first to come back to his senses just like in 4x01. So he chastises her for putting the mic too high. It breaks Lucy’s lusty gaze and fog she was in. Annoyed he’s done as such she is not kind in removing the tape. Like at all LOL Lucy tells him she knows what she’s doing right before she rips it off. His reaction is so damn funny I’m dying. Lucy is very pleased with herself. The raw UST is prominent throughout the entire season its so good. Just mounts a little more each ep.

Lucy apologizes for ripping it off and sends him off. You know she is going to enjoy being the voice in his ear. Watching him do UC from the van as she observes. Aston isn’t being explicit enough. Too busy checking Tim out and hitting on him. I mean can’t blame the woman. He looks fine as hell. Lucy is laughing in his ear floored by this women’s forwardness.

She is getting a kick out of this woman blatantly hitting on him. Asking if this woman is touching him? If she is then if she offers money for sex she’ll win the bet LOL Oh Lucy so one track minded I’m dying. It’s what prompts Tim’s response above and Lucy’s excitement bout it. Tim finally gets her to confess with details once she thinks she has a shot with him ha. Using his good looks to close this case. Fantastic.

Afterwards they come to visit Nolan in the hospital. He survived a mad man apparently. Sheer luck I think but survived nonetheless. This is their married moment of the ep. Also Tall/Smol shots that I enjoy so much. Tim gives her crap for buying out the entire gift store. Lucy says he’s been in hospital before. He knows how boring it can be. She then asks what he got for Nolan?

Hahah oh sweet Lucy. Did you really think Tim would spend money on Nolan of all people? He tells her no…but he’ll just put his name on her gift ahaha I can see in future when they’re giving out gifts as a couple they'd be the same. People will be thanking them and Tim will have no idea what she bought for them. Just go along with it.

Lucy is shocked but not shocked by his behavior. Saying 'Unbelievable' Like really she shouldn’t expect anything less. Also this is totally normal giving a shared gift like this. Nothing married at all about this behavior whatsoever....Super platonic.

Lucy brings up the bet one last time. Tim says her first name (be still my heart) saying he wants to call it a draw. That police work is too important to turn into a game. Lucy prods him saying he only wants to call it because he might lose. Tim says sure if that’s what she needs to hear. He will go with that. She asks him when he became the noble one? Tim just asks if that means they’re square on their bet? Lucy agrees no one wins but says he can’t have his name on her basket hahaha Tim rolls his eyes but follows after her anyway.

I think Tim was worried if they continued with the bet their next 'van moment' could escalate. Tim may not be aware of a lot with Lucy in terms of being in love with her yet. But he is VERY aware of his attraction to her. That hug in 4x01 was blatant proof of it. That their competitive nature is flirt fueled. So cutting this one off at the knees extinguishes that. It's why he was so quick to end it. Avoidance is the name of the game for him now. So he let Lucy have whatever terms of surrender she wanted. Including knocking his name off that basket and saying it was cause he didn't want to lose. He knows they are on thin ice and trying to keep them from falling in.

~~~

Side notes- Non Chenford.

Poor Wesley in Elijah’s tangled web. Grey trying to give him an out. A mistake that is going to haunt and follow them for a long time to come.

Nolan had a SL but I didn’t care till Chenford came to give him a gift lmao

Thank you thank you to all who like, comment and reblog these. You all make my day you have no idea. Shall see you Wednesday with 4x08 :)

[electricfied-wolf]

So... you've been reblogging a lot of Starlight Express onto my dash and I feel like it's about time I ask what it's about? What I'm picking up is that it's... humanoid trains?

Whatever it is I must admit it's piqued my curiosity

OHHHH BOY YOU'VE ACTIVATED MY AUTISM CARD I LOVE TO TALK ABOUT STARLIGHT EXPRESS. Ooookay, there's a lot to talk about, especially because a new non-replica production like JUST opened in London. I feel like I'm gonna ramble a lot so we're gonna put it under the cut and I'm just gonna blab until I feel I've explained it well enough. First of all I should note that I am explaining just off the top of my head, if you'd like more info the Starlight Express wiki is run by some very committed folks and as far as I know every word on that wiki is true. Also if you'd like more photos you're gonna have to go there bc GUESS WHO LEARNED THE LIMIT FOR PHOTOS IN A SINGLE TUMBLT POST IS 30? ANYWAY ONTO MY RAMBLE!!!! And be warned, it WILL BE VERY LONG. CLICK AT YOUR OWN RISK.

What is Starlight Express?

Starlight Express (often abbreviated to Stex by the fans) is a musical produced by Andrew Lloyd Webber (yes the CATS guy) that revolves around a child's toy trains "coming to life" and having a big ol' dramatic race. They've got an underdog, a couple bad guys, train god and romance. Pretty much everything. Most productions are more song filled than dialogue filled. It has its roots in Thomas & Friends and some of the earliest stuff had a Cinderella type of thing going on (not surprising I'm sure), the plot is actually pretty easy to follow once you get used to it. Starlight Express is performed SOLELY on roller skates (not counting lndn24's scooters for the Trax and Control) for the entire duration! And in such heavy costumes too! The show has been performed since 1984 and has absolutely ZERO signs of stopping as the Bochum, Germany production is still being performed and as I stated above, there is now a non-replica production running at the Troubadour Wembley Park Theatre in London. And if you don't know what that term (non replica) means, it essentially means they are not using the traditional costumes for the show that John Napier designed and are taking quite a few liberties with a newer plot and characters to make the show something much more unique as compared to its replica counterparts.

An older version of Rusty and Pearl in the John Napier style (left) VS. Rusty in the style of the London 2024 production standing with ALW (right) _ I specify 2024 London as the show was originally produced in London but also got revised so there's like three London Stex productions I could be talking abt lol, though the costumes have gone through some pretty drastic changes even in the replica productions.

Electra's more recognizable costume (aka the more compact mohawk version of red/blue Electra) used up until the rehaul in 2018, and the one currently used in Bochum's performance of the show (aka used from 2018-now). The same character and both replica, but still different! Over the course of the many years these trains have shared our earth, I'd say that Greaseball and Rusty are amongst the few that haven't changed that massively over the course of the show (again, NOT counting the current non-rep). This show has indeed graced the US and was even performed on Broadway! Unfortunately, us Americans are really really boring apparently because the show (while still wildly successful) did not stick around here in the states. It is still however beloved by many and that is the sole reason why it has stood to be seen for 40 years: people can say the show was made on drugs and that its "weird" all they want, but Starlight Express has a bigger community than you'd think, and it is incredibly well loved by those in the community. We are VERY devoted to our trains. Despite everything though, it has never gotten a pro-shot and the only fully versions available for streaming (...in terms of official audio for official streaming) on places like youtube and spotify are the original 1984 London Cast Recording and "The New Starlight Express", aka the revised London production's album released in 1993. There is also the english and german version's of Bochum Starlight Express' "Ich Bin Ich" otherwise know as "I Am Me", but no other parts of that production have been released for streaming. You can technically stop here and just go on to the wiki and stuff but if you wanna spend like an hour listening to my infodump I AM going to keep going.

The Characters

Before I touch on the story (a much shorter section I assume) I feel it is important to explain the characters, as there are a LOT and they change depending on each production and long story short yes I am nowhere dear done with this post. The characters can be broken up into groups of which I'll introduce them by. I also cannot really do London 24's characters which I wish I could bc I'm dead obsessed w/ it but it literally just opened a little while ago so the only sharable photos of other characters I got are fuzzy and from the megamixes or backstage pics. So unfortunately no cameos from those guys in this post but trust me THE WEMBLEY PARK PRODUCTION IS SO GOOD. Uhm anyways. First I'll mention the Trax/Racing Marshals, no speaking roles and very simple costumes compared to the other trains. They're simply there to wave the flags for the races and perform other tiny tasks to move the show along, as well as doing some very cool stunts that the other performers cannot do due to the absurd weight of the main costumes. They're just as important as everyone else!

The Marshals (Bochum 2016) *note, I'm mainly going to use Bochum photos to show off the costumes because they're just usually better quality The Humans: Usually disembodied voices (with exception from two productions) our only humans are a little kid named Control, and their mom who is simply known as Mom/Control's Mom and also has an even smaller role than her child as she only comes in at the introduction to put Control to bed. Control is OBSESSED with trains which grants us the plot of this musical, over the course of the show they order the trains around and narrate the races, but (up until recently) typically don't play an active role in terms of properly interacting with the trains. They are, as their name suggests, the Control for the trains. In Bochum's performance 2018 and onward Control mentions having a grandmother who is hard of hearing, but to my knowledge said grandma is only brought up in that specific production. The National/Competing Engines: For pretty much every production excluding WP's, the non-main character racing competitors have been international trains from across the world. However their names and some of their designs have been changed over time, and the French engine even switched genders in the 2018 Bochum rehaul. I am excluding the doubles from the tours because this'll take all day if I don't. _______ The French engine- Essentially from the beginning up to 2018, Bobo the TGV. In/after 2018 in Bochum, Coco the Eurostar. Arguably the most changed of the nationals, originally a male character (Bobo) she was changed to be a female and even given a blue color scheme which Bobo usually never had as he was typically seen with orange colors in Bochum.

(Bobo (Bochum) and Coco) _______ The Japanese Engine: Originally Hashamoto (misspelling of Hashimoto but technically that's his official name), later changed to Nintendo in 1992 for all english language productions but still Hashamoto in Germany, and from 2018 onward in Bochum known as Manga. All three are labeled as Shinkansen bullet trains.

(Hashamoto (Bochum), Nintendo, and Manga) _______ The Russian Engine: Turnov the trans siberian express has literally just been Turnov this whole time and really he's hardly changed aside from his costume having to have its chest symbol changed due to obvious reasons. This poor guy has suffered greatly due to political stuff even all the way back in 1987, though I will avoid getting into that here.

Turnov (Bochum 1991), Turnov (Bochum 2018, ft. Manga) _______ The German Engine: Weltschaft originally, later named Ruhrgold, the german engine is the InterCity Express (ICE). Like Turnov he hasn't really gone through many major changes other than the original switch from Weltschaft to Ruhrgold, though the two are presented with very contrasting personalities.

Weltschaft (Bochum 1991, ft. C.B.), Rurhgold (Bochum 2018, ft. Espresso) _______ The Italian Engine: ESPRESSO! He's a fun one, very similar to Bobo in that they're both pretty flamboyant european engines. Not really similar to Coco though. Espresso's a silly fella, flirts with the audience sometimes. His design has also been pretty consistent.

Espresso (Bochum 1988), Espresso (Bochum 2021) _______ The British Engine: Our pathetic failure king <3, aka the engine that literally never races as he usually breaks down before he's meant to race. Like every time it's got to be one of the most consistent plot points across 40 years of showtime. Even through three different transformations this british loco cannot escape it. Originally named City of Milton Keynes, later Prince of Wales upon the opening of the broadway production, and in 2018 hit the stage as Brexit. Yes, you heard me. They named the British national engine Brexit, and no none of us are particularly proud of that but it is how it is. At least he's got some charm!

No images of Milton are available atm, Prince of Wales (Las Vegas, 1993), Brexit (Bochum, 2018) _______ OKAY WE'RE DONE WITH NATIONALS. We can talk about the important ones now.

So next I'll move onto our main trio of engines. Rusty, Greaseball, Electra. Lots of design altercations over the years but no name changes and basically no role changes. However, the most recent production involves a female and wlw Greaseball as well as a canon they/them Electra! We'll go engine by engine, talk about our trademark "old steamer", and then I'll move onto the cars. _______ Greaseball, the world racing champion of Union Pacific: Heavily greaser based with muscles that make coaches and freight cars alike swoon, Greaseball is a black and yellow diesel and one of the antagonists of our plot. He's the world racing champion at the start of the show. Dating Dinah (both at the beginning and by the end despite some issues) the dining car, VERY proud of himself and pretty damn self absorbent in pretty much every production. He is also NOT that nice. He was pretty terrible in the very original plot back in the day BUT DON'T FEAR! They very quickly edited those plot points and made him less terrible and more of just a really pompous jerk. Bochum GB is actually such a goofy guy by the end. His female counterpart in the new production doesn't lack her meanness either! She's just as big of a jerk but also just as big of a softie by the end of the show. Truly, the same in every universe. Being a girl and a lesbian does not destroy her asshole tendencies and I am glad for that. Let gay girls be jerks too!!!

Greaseball (London 1984, ft. Pearl, Dinah, and Ashley), Greaseball (Bochum, 2021, ft. Caboose)

_______ Electra, the engine of the future: QUEEREST PRE-2024 STEX CHARACTER WHOOOO? Despite never having been fully confirmed (at least up until recent) to be any specific non-cishet identity, Electra the electric engine has been an icon for the girls and the gays since day one. With he/him pronouns but a slightly feminine name and physical demeanor, it's clear he was made to represent a less traditional form of gender presentation as he has been played by actresses in the past too, though primarily has been portrayed by male actors. Andrew Lloyd Webber even once referred to Electra's main song, AC/DC, as "transgender electro-pop". Not to mention the casting notice for the 2019 Bochum cast having described Electra as 'gender fluid / androgynous'. Electra has a pack of "components" aka his freight car entourage who follow him around and sing his praises. He is also one of the antagonists, though antagonist is a bit of a strong word as he isn't as hardcore as Greaseball or our villainous railcar. He has more beef with the diesel than our main character as well, stealing his girl and the show at every opportunity. And also aggressively zapping him as often as possible. The only thing they have in common is that they're full of themselves, they want Rusty out of the race, and they want to win. No photos for Electra I gave him his spotlight earlier in this post. Though do remember that the newest version of Electra (got a little sleek helmet instead of hair, super pointy costume, blue and silver colors) is NOT he/him, they are they/them and so is their current main actor! Electra is accompanied by an entourage of "components", aka shiny and fancy freight cars that bend to the engine's every whim. Pre-2018 the components are Wrench the repair truck, Joule the Dynamite Truck, Volta the freezer truck, Krupp the armaments truck, and Purse the money truck. Post-2018 the components are Wrench, Volta, Joule, and Killerwatt the security truck, Krupp and Purse are no longer present. It is also important to note that pre-2018 Volta is portrayed as very feminine meanwhile post-2018 Volta is meant to be much more masculine. No photos for Electra they got photos earlier in this post and I'm trying to save myself from hitting the photo limit. Same for Rusty. _______ Rusty, the steam train: WOOO WOOO! WOOO WOO! Say hello to the titular bitchular that everyone loves. Seriously I've never seen a Rusty hater. Our main character and a timeless gem of the show, he's a pathetic wet cat, he's rusted and falling apart, and he meets god. The perfect man! Rusty obviously has the greatest arc over the entire story, he's our underdog and incredibly charming in all his forms. Overtime some actors have played him up as sassier while others amped up the wet cat energy (Looking at you, Javeen), but no matter how he's played you will feel sorry for him and likely fall in love with him. He's so overconfident at the start but is very quickly brought down by the other engines, fear not though, because he's the main guy!! I'll yap more about his whole thing in the story section. _______ The old steam engine: Had to make the title gender neutral w/ these guys bc GUESS WHO ELSE GOT GIRL'D IN 2018! Poppa, or in terms of Bochum 2018 and onward, Momma, is Rusty's mentor and the only other steam engine in the show. Quite stubborn, preachy in more ways than one, but ultimately good at heart. They're the engine that pushes Rusty to race and encourages Rusty to seek faith in the Starlight Express (Eyyyy title drop!). Most of this engine's role is story related too so I'll save that for then.

Poppa (Bochum, 1997, ft. Rusty), Momma (Bochum, 2018, ft. Dustin) _______ The freight: For the convience of I'm afraid to hit the word count, we're gonna lump the cars into whole sections. Minus one specific member of the freight due to plot significance. Anyway the freight!! Lots of people are big fans of them and I can't blame them. Though they went through a few changes here and there, they're usually a pretty consistent group (once again, minus 2024). From 1984 to 2003 they contained the boxcars aka the Rockies, then productions between 2003 and 2018 included the Hip Hoppers, with the 2018 rehaul marking the return of the Rockies to the show. All productions included Flat-Top the brick truck and Dustin the big hopper, and while Dustin does play a significant role in the show...there's a certain sixth member that plays the greatest role of all the freight. _______ The Red Caboose: Though his Bochum rehaul design spells out "brake van" on his shoulders (even though brake vans aren't cabooses, rant for another day) and he's gone by the Red Caboose for far longer, most know this beloved boy as CB...buuut the version that is widely marked as CB isn't technically CB! That was his original name in regards to the radio codes he used throughout the show- "10-4, smokey bear!" -C.B., 1984 "10-7, gone to heaven!" -Included in the segment after the first run of the final race -but his original name was dropped upon the entry to Broadway, from then on he was just the caboose, and he continues to be so to this day! No matter the production...or at least the ones he's in, he sticks out from the start as one of the guys to keep your eye on. And I'm sure you caught that, that's right, he's not even in every production! Though he is in most of them! His role is another plot heavy one so I'm sure you get the deal by now.

CB (London, 1984), Caboose (Bochum, 2006) _______ The Coaches: The girls, the lasses, the women, etc etc!!! Full of lovely ladies (again, not mentioning 2024's changes) and honestly the true stars of the show in my eyes. In this group is where you'll find our other main character! But would you believe they've also undergone swaps? Originally it was Pearl the observation car/first class carriage, Dinah the dining car, Ashley the smoking car, and Buffy the buffet car, and it remained that way for a long time...but there was an odd period in which Ashley was replaced with a sleeping car named Duvay, though Duvay didn't last very long in the grand scheme of things. Upon the 2018 rehaul, Buffy and Ashley were replaced with Carrie the luggage van and Belle the bar car. Belle actually shares her name with a coach that was present all the way up into the broadway production, though not really used afterwards. Belle the sleeping car was a companion to Poppa and while not part of the main quartet of coaches would usually appear with the other girls for Girls Rolling Stock! Broadway did OG Belle dirty but that's another rant for another day. Again, for simplicity's sake, we'll only individually cover the gals you absolutely gotta know about. _______ Pearl the observation car/first class carriage: Pearl girl!!! Very near and dear to me, our secondary main character and Rusty's love interest. The label for what type of coach she is varies from production to production, all you need to know for certain is she's a super shiny new coach and Rusty is absolutely INFATUED with her...but she's her own coach too, and she's not as quick to settle as he is. She makes it very clear that she wants her choices to be her own and she's not going to let someone else make those choices for her no matter what. She has her own little arc too. While in older productions Pearl is painted as being new but still having an established bond with Rusty, newer ones (aka bochum and london's current shows) paint Pearl as a completely new coach who doesn't know anyone and literally just got here, making her and Rusty's relationship a bit more fleshed out...but we'll discuss that more later!

Pearl (Bochum, 2011), Pearl (Bochum, 2019) _______ Dinah the dining car: HARD to not just ramble about how much I adore her. I am her she is me we are the same person, ESPECIALLY her 2024 variant same taste in women fr. A southern accented (usually) dining car, Dinah is Greaseball's partner with honestly a very inspiring little arc of her own, she's emotional and devoted to her partner but is not to be mistaken as someone who can't stick up for herself, because she makes it crystal clear that she's not someone to be pushed around. She was given even more of a powerful and independent personality in the 2018 rehaul/london revival, but she's always had fight in her from the very beginning!

Dinah (Bochum, 1993), Dinah (Bochum, 2018) AND WHOOPS TOO LONG OF A POST FOR TUMBLR. I'M GONNA HAVE TO PUT THE PLOT IN THE REBLOGS HOLD ON TIGHT. EDIT: I AM GOING TO HAVE TO MAKE A SEPARATE POST NOT A REBLOG BECAUSE TUMBLR WON'T SAVE THE REBLOG AS A DRAFT.

[gaslightgatekeepgirlbosscombat]

Group H, Round 5

Propaganda under the cut

Medea

Her husband divorced her so to get back at him she burned his new bride alive, murdered her own children and casually escaped justice in a chariot pulled by dragons and *made from the sun.* She is iconic and I love her.

propaganda from @apollosgiftofprophecy

Princess with Phenomenal Cosmic Powers, granddaughter of the Titan of the Sun, Helios, and Priestess of Hecate, the literal Goddess of MagicStarts out a classic fairy tale (with a few murders in the mix for flavor)Jason (the man/husband she sacrificed EVERYTHING for) thought it would be totally alright to cheat on his sorceress wife with some princess and - double whammy - he planned to keep Medea as his mistress after he married this random princess!When she confronts him, he shows his true colors as a world-class bastard and she reminds him that he's only still alive, and only completed his quest for the Golden Fleece, because of her. (WHICH IS TRUE)To get back at him, Medea orchestrates the death of said princess (and indirectly the king's too, whoopsies :) ) by sending a beautiful dress for her that was laced with poison that caused the princess to catch on fire, and also killed whoever touched her (the king)She then murders her and Jason's two kids (after some emotional dilemma because she actually cares about them while Jason Does Not) and exits the kingdom In Style - how? Like this:Rises into the air on a golden chariot pulled by dragons given to her by Helios When Jason says the gods with avenge him, she tells him "lol, good luck with that oathbreaker!" and flies off into the night Like A Bossa little more context here: Jason's godly patron was Hera, the literal goddess of family and marriage. And he was going to abandon his children and break his vows to Medea.Also, she never is punished for any of this stuff, meaning her actions have the (reluctant :) always good to be morally gray) approval of the gods. She's one of the only nuanced female characters in Greek Mythology, and by god is she interestingThis, my friends, is why Medea is the ultimate Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss.

Ianthe Tridentarius

She is trying so hard to be the main character by lying and manipulating her sister, her cavalier, her mentor, her ?love interests? (Spoiler???) And also god. Not sure how it's working out for her but she does love to lie and manipulate

Worstie Ianthe is the DEFINITION of gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss. She is one of a set of necromancer twins that are the heirs to their houses rule. Except wait, only she is a necromancer and she has spent their entire lives doing necromancy for the both of them. She is constantly mean to their cavalier, Naberius, who she occasionally nibbles on like a chew toy, before eventually killing and eating him to ascend to sainthood. She goes to gods spaceship with another woman who ascended to sainthood who she has a crush on, this other woman is like…. Both incredibly mentally unwell and also haunted by at least 211 ghosts. Ianthes method of flirting with her? Gaslighting her about the corpse that keeps moving around and hiding under her bed. For no real reason tbh. She is clearly plotting to overthrow god, and at the moment that consists of her manipulating him while he’s too sad about his long term partners betraying him and subsequently exploding to really care. She dresses in terrible outfits and makes soup by burning onions to the bottom of a pot, putting meat in and some vegetables and then it doesn’t taste like anything so she puts in a few teaspoons of salt so it tastes like a few teaspoons of salt. She had her crush amputate her arm and regrow her a new one out of bone and it’s one of the horniest things I’ve read in my life.

"Gaslight = told her lobotomized (she helped), schizophrenic girlobsession that there was no corpse under their bed, even tho there totally was. Gatekeep = girl did NOT share the secret to god-like ascension. She kept that shit to herself until it was time to eat her boytoy, and by then everyone knew already. Girlboss = she has a non-necromancer twin sister, and literally Everyone thinks they r both necromancers because Ianthe is so good at it. She reverse engineered ascending to the aforementioned ascension without even completing any of the supplementary tasks. She held her own in a fight against a 10k year old lyctor. She becomes the figurehead of her entire empire. "

She uses a man as a chewtoy in the first book, literally gaslights the protagonist of the second book about a corpse, and elder-abuses God when he gets depressed in the third book. Nobody is doing it like her.

Dives headfirst with no regrets while basically laughing and covered in blood into murdering her cavalier once she realizes what the gothic locked room mystery/competition leads to while everyone else is questioning it, helps perform lobotomy on harrow so she doesn't remember the person she loves, manipulates everyone to get to the top

idk just everything about her

her relationship with her sister is incredibly Bad, she fosters codependency and views Corona(the sister) as an extension of herself. This does not stop her from keeping up the con that Corona actually has magic (She doesn't, it was always just Ianthe) for 22ish years and every single person who interacts with them falls for it. She killed a man against his will (most dying for this purpose specifically go willingly) and she consumed him and she will be burning his soul for eternity. She's completely repulsive and still somehow incredibly hot.

she takes advantage of the fact that the main character is prone to hallucinations. at one point she gaslights the mc into believing that the corpse under her bed isn't real just because she can. she reverse engineered a set of very complex trials on her own without anyone realizing she had the skills to complete them normally. she's also babysat god through his drunk and pathetic era.

Artist: @marceline2174 (instagram)

[moodymisty]

Continuing with "What could possibly happen, good and wrong, with one's daughters if they were born?" *and also my headcannons lol, sorry for it being long, I have brainrot now* I wonder If the task will be cut off due to sheer lenght.

akhem Those are on top of my head, there are surely more maybe even bordering on being possibly in male offsprings ,though it takes much more notice in women f.e. dressing inmodestly. Because I doubt misoginy had completly dissappeared in the fashist state that is the Imperium of Man. shrugs I imagine taking the genes of your biological demigod not chaos created father would copy their personality even more in offspring than in adeptus astartes, or even intensify it. Won't be in direct order, my mind cooks diffrently. Hope I don't overwhelm ya lol.

When it comes to the father being that one uncle who can drink whole mjod like it's nothing, I imagine possible daughter having complexes on about she cannot drink as much as her father or his astartes. (since women have lower alcohol tolerance, but it's still better than in her mortal mother...just to add into the angst, I am not really a fan of perpetual loved ones, though there are expections) That may or may not cause the offspring to be much more...provocative, just to show her worth and to get the name of Leman's daughter. Pushing herself to the limits and getting to even more dangerous territories, getting some regular poison doses to make her more invurnelable to those and laying in the most unconfortable places possible.

2. Cruze ah...Cruze daughter. Would be best described as Azula from Atla, though I belive mother would have to be an complete shadow in fathers terroristic tactics in controling the population negotiations or encourage it with her fanatic dogma and devoution to the Imperium. She'd be probably the one you'd call Daddy's daughter (with his borderline obsession to keep her safe, maybe even surveil her without her knowledge) and equally if not even more insane due to direct teachings and not consequences coming from the enviorment. I could imagine her martyrhood being percived as being even deeper into the primarch teachings than her own father despite the possibility of it being otherwise. Maybe she would develop a yes man syndrome after the mortal mother, causing incredible suffering of internal guilt and need for the justice, while being incapable of standing up.

3. Sanguinius daughter is fun. Cause peroid blood and stuff, I imagine her red thirst is fucking INTENSE when it's that time of the month, to the point of locking her up not to cause any harm. Like an actual lack of control, turning into feral dog. It hurts her greatly and I belive she could develop even more of...Dorn characteristic ie. the stoic behaviour and self-harm tendencies in secret. I imagine she could develop an terrific talent when it comes to the diplomatic skills, but that would be a very thin double edge sword.

4. Lions daughter would be paranoid and having some sort of martyr complex. With need to be noticed by the absent father figure napping. She'd be the one who'd devout to her duties with no signs of rest. Feeling as if she's absent, whole thing is falling apart. End of the discussion. is that a spy over there? No...or is it?

5. Fulgrims daughter would be an example of wanting to be a perfection incarnate. Think of the influencer slowly buying more and more things to correct the assesments to the point of being invisible to anyone outside of her. She'd fall to Slaanesh one day or another, though I also imagine her as being one of the more...suprisingly tolerant when it comes to xenos. Especially Aeldari, having some sort of fascination of them and having abilities to withhold the emotions. Even if that's due to risk being eaten from "princess of excess" as they call the chaos god. Oh and the complex of being the best, not an failure. I'd see her as fem Lucius the Eternal.

6. Perturabo's daughter would be best described as constant sterotypical old cat lady behaviour. I belive she'd hate the Iron Wariors even more. (as the biological offsprings were not really expected in this fuckwat plan...somehow though I belive in canon it actually was, I imagine due to the primarchs genes SM are infertile) She'd wish for them to be something more and with her not having as much of an ego to protect herself from, she'd be the #1 encourager for Iron Wariors to develop something beyond the war artistry. Thought it begun with prostetics to make them a bit more...approachable or with more mathematical like patterns. But still decorations, to then slowly develop them in more architechual sense. As much as they are bitter, I see them as being somewhat protective, being that one little sister that's somewhat mischevious (to them) but too adorable to refuse or not listen to her suggestions.

7. Perturabo is done now time for Dorn's daugther. She'd be the typical autistic lady that doesn't get exactly social clues, and has some weird ways to stim not inserting myself, not at all lmao. I honestly cannot imagine any deviations away from her father, like an complete copy of him when it comes to worldview and outside behaviour. Though there's my little thought that due to her bluntness she would be percived as someone "delayed" in development, possibly being a shame in the god-like family. A failure, simmiraly to Mortarion. I won't listen any objections. Though I imagine that she'd be incredibly loyal and liking uncle Horus, having even more hard time beliving that he was a traitor is she was birthed in HH times.

8. Ferrus child would be the description of trully the child of Omnisiah. She'd modify her body even more to the point of lack of recognition like to the point of cosmic horror, completly erasing her own gender due to feeling somewhat very dysphoric with how those stiff guys are. And being some sort of outcast while they are more so an example of unity.He's so barebones in canon I struggle to find any more ideas for the child, if he had anyone at all considering his focus. I wouldn't be surprised if the hypothetical child would end up as living saint and/or one's of possible Omnisiah in some sects. And yes, she gets a kick-ass titan.

9. Vulkans child would be also be the dipomat in all this fuck-up of the family. Much more persistent with father being...I belive the best father out of *points the primarchs* those. She's also fucking burning and it requires to have all windows and AC open to not be cooked alive.

10. Angron child would be best described as being the "empath to the point of pain" which surprises everyone who did not knew him before butcher nails. Well ,maybe expect the soulmate of his, like to headcannon if he got with someone, it would be one of the slaves in Nuceria with her being somewhat a light in the darkness. Returning to the topic at hand. She'd be incredibly intrested in anatomy, primarly due to her wanting to ease father's suffering. (though it can be noted to the male offspring). What is unique with gender of the child is her very close relationship with Lotara and deep seated hatred of the Kharn. While the son would be much more proffesional with her, the daughter would develop really close platonic relantionship. Maybe in alternate reality she'd try to set up her with Angron. Daddy's daughter ver. 2.0. TLDR.

11. Khan's daughter would be example of just chillin and grilling. No diffrence between the male possible offspring, simmirally to Vulkan. I'd see her though as one who loves aircraft and being a pilot for no particular reason. One rides the bike, one flies in the skies. Oddly supportive and kind, would SEETHE if anyone dares to be sexist piece of garbage to HIS daughter even more than the rest of those

12. Bobby G daughter would be best described as that one mean library lady who's very good at the job and knows the antic secrets of excell spreadsheets. While the possible son would still have those, he'd be much more paraded and shown, she'd be more in the shadow. Maybe possibly in adepta ministorium ranks incognito if she didn't had any outside characteristic that would show her connection to the XIII ( a rare chance tbh ), maybe even some preacher very fanatic of her grandfater godhood.

13. Lorgar ah Lorgars daugher would be the definition of being birthed into the worst of the primarch imo. With his zealousnes if the offspring did not belived or share his core belives. (though they surely will get into lots of disscusions considering the faith and such, but the window for discussion is very thin) He'd be the one to take a particullar notice of gender of his daughter, making her somewhat into the example the sororitas should be, molding her very harshly. Also also, if she ever came into contact with Erebus, he'd definitly catcall her if he knows that his genesire won't belive her and get insane powertrip from that. Kor would despite her HARD, being THE EXACT OPPOSITE of one's idea of zealousness and would percive her own little cult as heresy to be cleanesed. Of course in secret.

14. Horus daughter would best be described as one that goes into a path of her father. Since warmastery and shit stuff. Though she'll revice some problems with that, not being a son but a daughter of his, getting into quite some conflits with Luna Wolfes. Probably she'd try to be like little Horus, with her shaving her head and mimicking his speech that would come to her naturally if she was the male. She'd get quite hurtfull and her ego would be even more fragile than of her father, trying to procces it as best as she could. Her mortal mother wouldn't help AT ALL.

15. Magnus would be an epitome of typical asian, tiger parenting when it comes to the child, just a notch. But he'd also be the one to notice gender diffrences, due to him having that curiosity of one, well THOUSAND SONS and there's one exeption. I'd be hillarious if she was like one of the most powerfull blanks, just saying, like the mother sucked all the possible psycic powers the child would have. As long the child would share his personality and belives (though there's uch more leeway than in Lorgar's case), all will be fine. Well if not for that female range, since it seemed the psycic of such power being your father would cause the emotions to errupt and intensify. Would relate with Angorns daughter.

16. Alpharius/Omegon would be simirarly to Ferrus daughter when it comes to gender dysphoria, since the legion is also so unified, though she'd turn somewhere else. To the Callidus clan. And while the son would just be Alpharius 2.0, the daughter would get into much more personal discusions with Malcador, much more aware and being closer than any primarch and their sire would be.

17. I have no ideas for Morty and Corvus. :(

Thanks for the more detailed ideas, I really enjoyed the read. It’s always interesting to think about how each primarch could potentially affect their child’s personality.

[chikkou]

ok i was waiting until my laptop got here to finally tell all the bullshit thats happened in the last like. 5 months lol. cause its a lot to type

im gonna put it all under the cut so no one has to read if they dont want. its a LONG fucking story.

tl;dr:

ok so for basic background, for the last two years or so, i was living with a roommate in connecticut. the roommate was my (now former) best friend since middle school. in july of this year his behavior totally shifted, and he started picking fights with me out of nowhere, told our high school friends a bunch of straight up lies abt me to make me look like a horrible roommate & person, and just generally became a two-faced dickhead. in the end, it turned out to all be excuses to justify his decision to move out (unofficially, name was still on the lease) so that he could live with his boyfriends and not pay any bills. at the time i was really devastated by this bc i felt totally betrayed by this person i had been close to since i was 12/13, but frankly after everything else that happened i barely fucking think about it now LMAO. this is set dressing more than anything else

so anyway, i had been living alone since about august, that was the last time i saw him in person. i wasnt handling the situation well because i had spoken to my high school friend and found out the extent to which hed tried to paint me as a slovenly, horrible roommate, to the point of telling actual lies about really dumb stuff (which didnt work btw - my friends, god bless them, were more concerned about my mental health than anything and thought i was going down a depression spiral, which my former friend told them he was helping me through. they believed me right away once we finally did talk). all that is to say, i was going kind of crazy lol, and i decided to go back home in october just for a short while, to recharge my batteries and all.

i was gone for a couple of weeks, not very long. i felt MUCH better after being with my family & friends in person, as i felt pretty isolated from everyone (my hometown is in new york, i was only 2 hours away by train but scheduling times to visit was sort of a hassle, so i only did it once every couple months). my grandfather and mom dropped me off at my apartment in early november, we were very lighthearted and discussing my next steps, since my shithead friend had been behind on rent more than 5 times (i always paid my half on time) and i was facing eviction because of it. we get to my apartment, i go to open the door, and it wont open. not that its locked, it just straight up WONT open. my grandpa tried to ram the door with his shoulder, and nothing. hes a strong ass dude, and this door wouldnt budge for anything.

my mom managed to get the kitchen window open and climb in that way, and it took both her and my grandpa pulling/pushing at the same time to force the door open. i wont even dress this up: there was mold. fucking. everywhere. on the floor, on the walls, all over everything i owned. i have pictures (had to take them for insurance) and im not even going to show them because they are beyond fucking disgusting. everything i owned was soaked in water and mold, and i do literally mean EVERYTHING. it was very warm in there too, like the temperature of a swamp. i was in a haze after that. i just remember sobbing, like genuinely heartbroken sobbing, as i wandered around looking at everything that was ruined. my mom & grandpa had to go and get maintenance because i was just utterly useless, and they were equally horrified & said they'd never seen anything like it.

i managed to save some items that were irreplaceable (journals, notebooks, etc) and whatever clothes werent utterly soaked in mold. all of my cookware, my books, my laptop & desktop (i cried the hardest when i saw the desktop) - it was all ruined. we found out later that the water boiler in my apartment had a catastrophic failure while i was gone, which caused it to constantly send water back through the pipes, empty, and refill itself. my bedroom was directly above the boiler downstairs, so it got the most significant amount of damage. all told, i lost like 95% of the things i owned. it is possible that i could have saved more, but the amount of mold in that apartment made it a genuine safety hazard for me to even be in there, so i had very limited time to grab what i could. the cruelest irony of all that? my shithead ex-friend's room, which was on the other side of the hallway, was pretty much untouched. he lost absolutely nothing lol.

so immediately, i had to leave the state. i moved back to ny with my family. my mother - who had a stroke last year following a diagnosis of an exceedingly rare neurological disorder, AND had two separate brain surgeries to improve her quality of life - was in the process of getting evicted. the landlord didnt give a fuck about any of my moms situation, not her being disabled, not her being widowed, not her having 3 kids under the age of 18 to care for - he just wanted her out so he could increase the cost of rent on our house. at the same time as all this was going on, i got saddled with a $600 electric bill (likely caused by the water heater's malfunction), which neither insurance nor the apartment would pay, so it came out of my pocket. in addition, i found out in december that i was also getting laid off.

we had nowhere to go and couldnt afford to live anywhere in the tri-state area. we had no choice but to move somewhere much cheaper, and since my mom already had a friend living in a mid-atlantic state, we chose to move there. the eviction went through in january and we had less than 2 weeks to pack all our shit, find a place to live, and get the fuck out. needless to say, we were not successful lol.

we stayed in my grandparents 1 bedroom apartment for about a week, then all of us drove down together to stay with my moms friend in her 3 bedroom apartment (she has 5 kids, 3 of whom live in the apartment). my moms apartment, which was supposed to have been ready by january 31st, still had people actively living there. the property manager kept promising us it would be next week for the entire month of february, to the point that my mom got fed up and chose to rent a small house instead. the reality of being essentially homeless for that time was beyond horrifying, and having anywhere between 8-10 people in that house (my cousin also moved with us, but he stayed in a hotel for the first week) was more taxing than i can express.

but things have gotten a lot better since then. i also found a cute little house to rent just up the road from my moms, and its very cheap for its size. i still havent found a job yet, but thanks to what was essentially the liquidation of everything i owned, ill be ok for a couple months more. im slowly but surely repurchasing all the things i lost and trying to acclimate to the new environment. things are still not totally stable right now, but they are slowing down, and at this point thats all i can really ask for lol.

so yeah. if u were wondering why i suddenly stopped posting after literal years of posting every day, thats why LMAO