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zodiacrant · 3 years

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🍓My Experience With Each Venus🍓

(Cause even after all those months I posted about Moon sings, some of you are still waiting for the dirt on Venus)

This is based on my own experience with these placements. I am not demonizing any sign nor am I attacking anyone (but the people in the post 😂). So take it as a friendly banter and nothing more.

🍓Cancer Venus🍓

First on the docket, we have Cancer Venus. I personally have never got to know one beyond pleasantries but from stories I have heard and witnessed, they do have a tendency to lach on their friends and commit to shaky situations. One of my friend’s sisters is a Cancer Venus and damn! She takes relationships waaayyyy to seriously and allow people to do her so wrong in the name of love. Bless! Overall very beautiful people, never met a bad looking one so I’ll give them a 5/10

🍓Leo Venus🍓

Oh lord Jesus! Now I am not religious but you know shit is about to hit when I fire placement comes up. Right off the bat, they’re funny, charming and very entertaining. They, however, have this tick, this one tick in the back of their head that gets switched when they sense competition. They have this need to be #1, the best, the funniest, the show, the main event and if you threaten that then you’ll se the fangs of the lion. Now I have a friend that is a Leo Venus and I love her dearly, she is seriously an exception to the rest that I have met because they could never! I never understood why they had that need to stand out, because they do so naturally but they keep forcing it the more people can “top” them or relate to them. I’ll give them a 6/10 because my friend and the good times I spent with other Leo Venuses saved the score big time.

🍓Virgo Venus🍓

As a Gemini Venus they strike a nuke to my heart. I find them very attractive and fun to be around, they always got something intelligent to say, they are interested in many topics and have diverse hobbies, which just works for my Gemini Venus. If I would pick on something it’s that they can’t talk unless they’re the center speaker of a conversation, other than that I like them. I’ll give them an 8/10

🍓Libra Venus🍓

I never met one to be honest so it wouldn’t be fair to score them below 5 😅. But because Kristen Wig and Hillary Duff are Libra Venus they get a 7/10. Maybe in the future as I meet more people it’ll change, hopefully 👀.

🍓Scorpio Venus🍓

Okay, well…….here we’re 😂. I love Scorpio Venus and as much as I love them I can’t stand them. I don’t know if it’s because of my Taurus Sun or Scorpio Mars. I don’t know many but those that I know, I know very well to say the least. They have so much intelligence but it’s all books, math, and language, things that are super basic and conventional. They’re obsessed with the realism and realistic things, they love crime shows, gangs, real story based movies, and everything rustic. As a very colorful person, a style composed of black, brown, white and sometimes a splash of navy blue or green is just lacking babes. Then we have their idea of fun, now I can fuck with a puzzle but I will not learn how to finish a rubrics cube or make lists of nothing for fun. I get that to each their own but damn it is very sad in here. On the positive side I admire that they’re real, and present themselves as who they’re, no matter how shitty it is ☺️. Overall I’ll give them a 5/10, cause the good is good but the bas is a strong yikes

🍓Sagittarius Venus🍓

If you’re looking for someone that is willing to lick whip cream off of your toes then you find them. They’re truly a down ass bitch to a fault. I have one friend in mind that done the craziest shit just because it is what it is. She strapped on the hood of the car and then her boyfriend went on the highway early in the morning. She jumped off the window and into the parking lot, AT UNI, and broke both legs, just to mention a few. So in total I’ll give them a 4/10, cause I can’t, I mean I love to have fun but my experience with people with this Venus. I would rather not.

🍓Capricorn Venus🍓

Such strong and confident people. If they put their mind into it they would be able to have it all, but as smart as they’re, they know nothing about love. They turn completely different when it comes to relationships. They’re assertive and powerful in their everyday life but the moment their partner is with them, they turn into a baby. I noticed that they stick to bad relationships and pass a lot of bad behavior from others. Other than that, they’re great at giving advice, especially when it comes to money and ironically, about relationships. I’ll give them a 7/10

🍓Aquarius Venus🍓

( ) Sorry had to leave a blank space for the ghost of the Venus signs. As an Air Venus, I love them, I love talking with them, I love how cast their mind is but the lack of energy is just not cute. It’s the only thing they lack. They can’t seem to give to more than one person at a time, and when they give to you then they’re so obsessed and I mean OBSESSED about you. Always calling, going out, having fun, sharing secrets and then they’re gone for weeks. The thing is, they seem to be aware of this and feel bad about it but still keep doing it. Other than that they love cats, that they do. I’ll give them a 5/10

🍓Pisces Venus🍓

Pisces Venus is like Aquarius Venus but with no serotonin. Dear lord Jesus (who is also a Pisces Venus btw), they have this amazing power of being a vacuum. They suck the energy out of the room. This isn’t always bad, as they can come back with a dry comeback, which I live for. They’re fun to see once in a while but bot everyday. Not that they would go out everyday. Oh and they love food and drinking. I’ll give them a 4/10

🍓Aries Venus🍓

Venus on fire, call the firefighters! First, they’re very hot and my Aries Mercury just loves their existence, they’re like my muse. However, it is very hard to get close to them. They’re very sensitive, more than they would admit to but they truly care a lot, like ALOT. They always put themselves in horrible situations and relationships, say it’s going to go bad, it goes bad and then they’re like “I said so”. They subconsciously ruin everything just to be right. Even good relationships. They have the confidence like no other and have a lot of admirers but at the end of the day no one is there for them, truly no one knows them. I’ll give them 3/10. One for Albert, one for Rihanna and one for Aries.

🍓Taurus Venus🍓

The true effortless Taurus beauties, cause as a Taurus Sun it takes a lot of effort over here, believe that! I just love them. They’re sweet, nice, loving and selfless. Their issue is how easily they trust others. They get taken advantage of and their love is always wasted. I admire how they grow stronger with every bad relationship rather than break down and wallow. Well they do wallow but they do keep going and move on, eventually. For that I give them a 9/10.

🍓Gemini Venus🍓

10/10. I love my people. They’re amazing, they’re funny, they’re smart and successful. Now I may be lacking in all of these but I admire their versatility, cunning wit and ability to love (and hate) something about everything.

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biggest-stupidhead · 3 years

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Bad Timing (Levi x reader) Part 10

Summary: How do you tell your friends that you’re falling for your big brother’s best friend?

Word Count: 4.9 K

The loud buzzing of the tattoo gun was beginning to annoy Levi. The little pricks less annoying than the drone of the machine. He winced as the needle skimmed over a sensitive bit of skin.

"Try not to flinch." Farlan scolded as he readjusted his grip.

"Tch, sorry." Levi apologized through gritted teeth. Farlan reached for a wipe to clean off the excess ink, revealing the nearly finished piece. Like his other tattoos, this one was no different, the design was drawn out in thin delicate lines of ink. He had chosen to get this one on his tricep. Farlan spun his chair around to show Levi the design in the mirror, a flower, more specifically a lily of the valley. More specific yet, the flower for the month of May, the month his mother was born.

He nodded in appreciation a she admired the thin stem that led up to delicate bell shaped petals. The stems faded into a two leaves at the base of the design, they were all that needed to be filled in before the piece was complete.

"It looks good." Levi mused as he stared at the aggravated skin, the black lines were outlined with red angry skin.

"Thanks, I must admit I'm a bit rusty." Farlan chuckled as he leaned in with another wipe to clean the tattoo.

"Could've fooled me." Levi muttered as he turned in his chair to give Farlan better access.

"Let me finish this up and then we can go grab some lunch." Farlan gave the tattoo one last wipe down before he wrapped it in sandiderm. Once he was pleased with his work he tugged off the gloves and tossed them into the trash.

"Sounds good." Levi grunted as he stood up from the chair. Farlan had picked up tattooing as a side hustle, not that he booked many clients. It was more of a hobby for him, but he was rather good at it. As Farlan cleaned up the equipment and packed it back into his bag Levi went into the bathroom to wash up before they left for lunch. Isabel was out with friends, she hadn't been particularly interested in visiting the University with Levi and Farlan.

____

Levi trailed a few paces behind Farlan as they wondered through the sprawling campus. The campus had a dark academic vibe to it, with all the gothic architecture and the snowy lawns. Levi's trip was coming to a close, and he was glad that he had managed to squeeze in the visit. He spoke to an advisor, who was very enthusiastic about him applying. He figured that him coming from a single parent home, being an orphan with dual citizenship and good grades probably looked good for their statistics. So Levi and Farlan left, packets of information that they would need to apply. He decided that he should give Erwin a call, since he would be coming back home on the 26th, he originally intended on coming back after the new year but Hange had convinced him to come back early. Of course it was intended to be a surprise for Erwin and (Y/n), he felt bad for leaving Farlan and Isabel early but he figured that he could make up for the lost time when he got accepted into the University. They would have him all to themselves for four years if everything went according to plan.

"This place looks as good as any." Farlan paused in front of a small pub not too far from campus. Levi shrugged and kicked a chunk of ice out of his way. Farlan held the door open for him as they ducked into the dimly lit bar. The two settled into the barstools facing an impressive stock of alcohol, since it was about three in the afternoon the bar was basically empty save for a scraggly old dude that was mumbling to himself in a booth.

"Come here often?" Levi huffed as he inspected the sticky bar top. Farlan chuckled and waved for the bar tender.

"No actually, but I've heard that it's popular with the uni students." Faralan explained as he waited for the bar tender to finish counting the money in his hands.

"Two gin and tonics please." Farlan asked politely, the bar tender nodded and began to make the drinks.

"So you leave in what five days?" Farlan asked as he grabbed his drink and took a long swig.

"Yeah, sorry it was kind of last minute." Levi apologized, Farlan waved him off dismissively.

"Wait what did you get Isabel for Christmas this year?" Farlan asked as he slammed his already drained glass onto the counter.

"I bought her the DVD set for that one show she likes." Levi answered as he nursed his gin and tonic.

"Ah no way! That's a good one! The veterinary show right?" Farlan gushed, clearly impressed with Levi's choice of gift.

"Yeah that's the one." Levi nodded, a small smirk spreading across his lips.

"She'll love that. I got her some new jeans and a stuffed animal." Farlan shrugged, as he motioned for another drink.

"Not the shittiest choice." Levi mumbled as he brought his glass to his lips.

"Thank you Levi." Farlan held his glass up for a toast, and Levi indulged him, gently tapping his glass against Farlan's. Levi knocked back the rest of his drink before pulling out his phone to check his messages.

"What time should I pick you up from the airport?" Levi pursed his lips in thought before responding to Hange's text.

"Six in the morning." he typed his response quickly and sent it. He had already planned on arriving early to give himself plenty of time to prepare himself for the annual post Christmas party that your family hosted.

"See you then, don't have too much fun in France!" Hange's reply was instantaneous, Levi hated to admit it but he missed four-eyes and bushy brows. Hell he even missed Erwin's bratty sister.

_____

You draped your arm over your eyes in a feeble attempt to block out the blinding light that was flooding your living room. Although the snow was pretty, it sure was a bitch when the sun hit it, causing the light to reflect sharply in through the large windows in your living room. It was finally Christmas break, and you were enjoying it to it's fullest, basking in your sweats on the couch. Your mom had just gotten back from grocery shopping and was beginning to set out ingredients for the baking that she had planned to do for the rest of the afternoon. Erwin and Hange had gone ice skating with Mike and Nanaba, and planned to all meet up back at your house to assist your mom with the seasonal baking. Your phone chimed on the coffee table and you stretched to check it.

"Coffee and chill? 🥺" You rolled your eyes at Jean's message. He had been trying to contact you relentlessly for the past week. You had evaded him, not quite ready to confront him about his wrong doings. You ignored his text and instead favored to ask Mikasa if she wanted to come over to bake.

"hey I know it's been a while, but want to come over to bake cookies with me today? You could bring Armin and Eren if you want!" You sighed and dropped your phone back down onto the table with a sigh. You were pleasantly surprised by how quickly she responded.

"What time?"

"an hour?"

"See you then :)" You smiled at the screen as you read her response. You always thought it was cute how she preferred to use characters instead of emojis when she texted. You decided that a shower would be a good idea since so many people were coming over now, so you hustled up stairs. You were thankful that Hange and Erwin weren't home because they had made a habit of interrupting your showers. Whether it was Hange trying to join you in the shower to "save water" or Erwin coming in to take a massive dump while you were in the shower. So you fully took advantage of your uninterrupted shower time while you could. You took your time, washing your hair and the rest of your body and enjoying the hot water. By the time you were finished the bathroom was cloudy with steam from the hot shower. You wrapped yourself in towel and scurried to your room to change. You pulled on a pair of leggings and a cropped fitted turtleneck. You then proceeded to tug on a faded crew neck to complete the look. You loped down the stairs, but paused about half way down. The sound of shoes being toed off and a coat being hung up made you rethink your decision.

"Oh Kenny! I'm so glad you made it!" Your mom gushed and you bristled. It wasn't that you didn't like Kenny, it was just that you weren't expecting him. It seemed that your house needed to keep an Ackerman on hand at all times because as soon as Levi left Mikasa and Kenny began coming around more frequently. Your mom invited Kenny over for coffee on Sunday mornings and you invited Mikasa over for sleepovers and craft nights.

"Hey sorry I'm late, I brought booze though." Kenny's rough voice felt foreign to your ears. Despite his sudden presence at your house he still felt like a stranger to you. Of course you could only blame yourself here, you tried your best to avoid him and his questions, not sure how you felt about the gruff man. He seemed nice enough but you weren't quick to trust him, Erwin certainly wasn't either.

"Ah (Y/n)! Perfect timing! Come down stairs and say hello." your mom called out, you winced but obeyed, descending the last few steps.

"Hey there kiddo, how's it hangin'?" Kenny drawled as you slunk into the kitchen sheepishly.

"Hey Kenny, I'm good how are you?" You asked politely, aiming to please your mother more than Kenny. The man smiled triumphantly and leaned further back into his seat.

"I'm fantastic." he stated with a smug smirk plastered on his lips.

"Mom, I invited Mikasa, Amrin, and Eren over is that alright?" you asked, dismissing Kenny.

"Yeah of course baby, the more the merrier!" she cooed as she continued to set up the mixer and prop up the cook book.

"So my little niece will be joining us tonight?" Kenny affirmed as he stood to help your mother untangle to cord of the mixer.

"Yeah." you trailed off, not sure if this was good or bad. Although the pair had both been frequenting your house recently, they hadn't run into one another yet. You knew that Levi had a bad relationship with his uncle, so you could only assume that Mikasa's relationship was also just as rocky.

"haven't seen that brat since she was in diapers." Kenny mused as he flipped through the cook book.

"really? Well she sure has grown. Such a lovely young woman." Your mother sighed dreamily as she thought about Mikasa.

"Glad to hear it.." Kenny mumbled as he paused on a gingerbread recipe. Before you could decode the meaning behind his bland tone, the door flew open and Hange sauntered in. Today she was dressed for the weather in a downy parka and leggings with a thick crewneck. Erwin followed close behind, dressed in joggers and a t-shirt, he tended to get hot easily. Mike however was different. Mike was dressed for Arctic temperatures with a thick quarter zip underneath his north face and a pair of denim jeans on his legs. Nanaba wore a quarter zip as well but leggings instead of jeans. You rushed to help them shove their coats into the cramped closet and put snowy shoes over vents to melt off the ice. Soon they were all crowding into the kitchen, Mike was quick to help your mom set out ingredients while Erwin went to light the fireplace. Hange was rushing up the stairs and Nanaba was skimming through the cook book.

Ah yes such a familiar scene. You immediately felt better in the presence of the upperclassmen, Kenny seemed to melt into the background as he watched you all fall into a familiar rhythm. Erwin returned to the kitchen, dusting his hands off as he entered.

"Hey." He greeted you with a slight nod before he stooped to pull a baking sheet out of the cabinets.

"How was ice skating?" you asked as you leaned against the counter near Erwin.

"Cold, we saw Petra and Oluo there." Erwin mused as he sat the sheet down with a clatter.

"Really? Are they a thing?" you quizzed, your interest piqued.

"Couldn't say, wouldn't surprise me though." Erwin shrugged, his large frame pressed against the counter opposite to allow Nanaba to squeeze through.

"I don't know Erwin, last time I spoke to her she seemed pretty fixed on Levi." Nanaba interjected as she stooped to pull out a bowl.

"I thought she was over him. He left her hanging at my house a few months back remember?" Mike reminded Nanaba who pursed her lips in thought.

"Oh yeah I remember that...she was upset." Nanaba agreed as she sat the bowl in front of you on the counter.

"Then why was she with Oluo huh riddle me that." Erwin challenged, a sly smirk on his lips.

"Oh they've always been close, doesn't mean she likes him or anything." Nanaba scoffed.

"Well he sure likes her, saw him checking out her ass." Mike chuckled, your mom gasped and hit him upside the head.

"That's enough you guys! (Y/n), Kenny mix cut this butter up." Your mom ordered, grabbing you by the bicep to drag you over to Kenny at the island. She dropped a huge brick of butter in front of the two of you along with two butter knives.

"Oh I can do it on my own mom." you insisted with wide eyes.

"Nonsense, show Kenny how it's done." she slapped you on the back and turned to help Mike crack eggs into the wet ingredients bowl. You and Kenny shared an uneasy glance, you took the knife and sliced the chunk of butter in half. You slid half to Kenny and took the other half for yourself. You began to slice the butter into thin chunks and drop them into a bowl. Kenny watched with raised brows, the knife hanging loosely in his hand. You spared him a glance and an amused huff.

"Just slice it into chunks and drop them in this bowl." you instructed, pushing the bowl closer to him. He chuckled and then began to tediously cut the butter into uneven chunks. You nodded in approval as he began to gain confidence.

"Where does this go once it's done?" Kenny asked as he finished chopping the butter.

"In the mixer." You directed, as you wiped your hands on a damp rag. The doorbell chimed and you weaved through the kitchen to answer it. You were greeted by the familiar faces of Mikasa, Armin, and Eren. The trio piled into the house and kicked off their shoes and shrugged off jackets.

"Perfect timing guys, we just started making cookies." You said as you helped Armin out of his coat.

"Great! We brought our piping tips." Eren said, holding up a plastic bag filled with piping equipment.

"Oh yeah I forgot that you're a natural at cookie decorating Mikasa!" you complimented as you guided them into the kitchen. You placed the bag next to Kenny who was staring at Mikasa with slightly widened eyes, she returned his gaze with a surprised expression.

"Hey hothead!" Hange called out to Eren in a sing song voice as she descended the stairs.

"O-Oh Hange!" Eren cringed at her volume as she swang into the kitchen.

"Hange!" Armin cried out excitedly, you'd known that Armin looked up to the brunette due to her intelligence.

"Aw hello coconut head." she cooed as she ruffled Armin's blonde mop of hair.

"And baby Ackerman!" Hange giggles, turning her attention to Mikasa who was scowling at the brunette.

"So nice to see you all!" Hange gushed as she pulled on an apron.

"That was an awful long shit. You constipated or something?" Mike scoffed as he whisked the eggs.

"Ha ha very funny Mike." Hange scoffed as she sidled up next to Erwin who was crushing almonds loudly with a rolling pin.

"I'm just trying to pick up the slack. Someone needs to make Levi's crass jokes for him." Mike sighed, setting the whisk aside.

"Ah I'm sure he will appreciate the sentiment." Erwin approved with a chuckle and another jaw-rattling smash of the rolling pin.

"Kids why don't you start rolling this dough out and cut them with these." Your mother instructed as she thrust the large mixing bowl into your hands and pointing over to Kenny. You led Mikasa, Armin, and Eren over to the open counter space. Mikasa was side eyeing Kenny as she sprinkled some flour out.

"I want to make a penis." Eren remarked, a stupid look on his face as he looked to Armin for approval.

"That's inappropriate Eren." Armin chided as he reached for the dough in the bowl. He dropped the heavy ball of dough with a thump and a whoosh of flour.

"Hah! I'd like to see it!" Kenny chortled as he brushed some flour off his shirt.

"See he gets me!" Eren chuckled as Armin began to roll out the dough. Mikasa and you both rolled your eyes at the boys. Nanaba breezed by and brushed her hand across both yours and Mikasa's shoulders as she passed.

"You girls want pizza?" She asked with an angelic smile as she stopped by the landline.

"Yes please!" Eren answered before either of you could.

"Shut up Eren!" You snapped before turning to look at Nanaba who was holding the phone up to her ear already.

"Yes please Nanaba, can you put pineapple on one of them?" you asked with a sweet smile.

"Ew pineapple on pizza are you insane?!" Hange screeched from across the kitchen.

"Now now, if you order one with pineapple I'll eat it." Kenny agreed as he pressed a cookie cutter deep into the dough.

"Ugh, you guys are disgusting." Mike shook his head in disappointment as he poured the liquid ingredients into the dry ones for the next batch of cookies.

"Alright everyone be quiet while I order this." Nanaba ordered as she pressed the phone between her ear so she could jot down the orders on a pad of paper. The volume in the kitchen fell from a roar to a soft murmur as Nanaba placed the order. Once Nanaba hung up the phone the bustle picked right back up. The cookie hustle only stopped once all the dough was in the oven and the pizza had arrived.

When it was all said and done you all settled in the living room to watch christmas movies and eat pizza. As the movie began to play you finally took some time to check your phone for the first time all afternoon. You were surprised to see at least twenty messages on instagram from a swagmasterfarlan. You clicked on the first message and your frown deepened.

"cutte assf."

"Let me show you parish"

"I cantreat you right."

":)"

The seventeen other messages followed a similar pattern. You noticed that the last message that had been sent two hours ago. You glanced at the clock and frowned, it was already eight pm. You considered blocking the account but upon checking, you realized that it was Farlan's side account. You'd seen drunk texts before and these were no different. You glanced up to see Kenny with his hat over his eyes as he snored on the arm chair. Your mom was already dozing off on the couch with her feet in Erwin's lap, Erwin had an arm around Hange who was babbling about special effects to no one in particular. Nanaba and Mike were in their own little world on the floor as they watched the movie. Eren and Armin were joking in hushed voices as Mikasa's head lolled against your shoulder. Yeah you could use some entertainment.

"I would love to see parish." you smiled at your response as you sent it. Not two minutes later a new message appeared.

"Woh, I'm durnk as shit."

"yes you are swagmaster ;)" you responded with a giggle.

"Let facetime before levi punches my face." Farlan's words were becoming clearer so you figured that he must be sobering up to some degree.

"Alright." as soon as the read receipts confirmed that he had gotten the message your phone buzzed as he called you. Mikasa grunted as you shifted to answer the call, you answered on the third ring, thankful for the darkness in the room which concealed your features for the most part.

"Heyyyyy kid!" Farlan drawled, you could tell he was in his apartment, the surroundings familiar due to the times you had facetimed Levi.

"Hey Farlan, nice to finally meet you. I've heard all kinds of things." You chuckled as he squinted at his screen.

"No kidding! Hey what time is it over there?" Farlan questioned as he brought his phone closer to his face, giving you a perfect view of his eyebrows.

"It's about 8:30 here, what time is it in perish?" You mocked his blunder from earlier and he gasped in offense.

"That's cold!" he moaned, playing along with your joke.

"Spell it right next time!" you snickered, you glanced up from your phone and met Hange's curious gaze, her head tilted to the left. When you returned your attention back to your phone you were surprised to see the camera was no longer on Farlan's face. Instead it was spinning, the sound of grunting and shuffling was deafening. You winced the struggle continues for a few moments before there was a thud and a deep groan.

"Get into bed now before I punch your lights out." Levi's voice was gravely and strained with exhaustion as he spoke. Hange's ears were still perked as she tried to figure out who you were on the phone with. Once she heard Levi's voice she stood up and skipped over to the sofa to sit next to you.

"I'm serious Farlan this isn't cute get the fuck in that bed or so help me-" the phone clattered down to the floor, and you could make out the sound of stumbling footsteps.

"What is going on?" Hange asked as she leaned on your free shoulder to see the screen. You shrugged and bit your lip as you tried to decipher what was going on.

"No Levi, I've got to talk to her, she's still on the phone!" Farlan grumbled, his voice sounded a bit far away.

"You can talk to her tomorrow just go lay down already." just by the tone of his voice you could guess that he was pinching the bridge of his nose the way he did when he was frustrated.

"nah I'll just go grab my phone and-"

"No." the sound of bed springs creaking and Farlan grunting hinted that he had been pushed onto a bed. After a few more moments of the bed creaking and incoherent mumbling, the sound of footsteps approached the phone and then finally the camera was turned back towards the ceiling as it was picked up. And then Levi's face filled the screen, his eyes widened in surprise, you snapped a screenshot of the moment much to his displeasure.

"What the fuck." he huffed as he took in both you and Hange's amused expressions.

"Hey Levi! How's it going?" Hange cooed as she angled your wrist to show more of her face.

"How-"

"He called me." You answered quickly as you angled the phone back onto your face.

"why?" Levi interrogated. You simply shrugged as you took in his face. You were relieved to see that he looked the same, maybe his eye bags were a bit darker, and his hair a tad longer. But otherwise, he was the same.

"What are you doing?" Levi continued to grill you, to answer his question you panned the camera around the room, sure to not linger on Kenny who was snoring in the chair across the room.

"Thrilling." he scoffed when you brought the camera back to your face.

"Yeah, we spent the day baking. What about you? Seems like you guys are busy." You began your own interrogation.

"Yeah, Farlan had one too many at the bar." Levi agreed as he dropped down into an arm chair with a heavy sigh.

"And you? Did you have anything to drink?" Hange asked with a sly smirk. Levi's brow creased at her suggestive tone.

"If you must know, no I did not drink.... a lot." he answered.

"Lucky, I wish I was drunk right now." you sighed wistfully.

"I never said I was drunk." Levi clarified.

"Any big plans for your birthday Levi?" You asked, quick to change the subject.

"No, just dinner and gifts." Levi replied with a shrug as he sank into the chair.

"That sounds nice." you smiled, Hange dropped her head to your shoulder, her chin digging into your shoulder as she did so. Levi shrugged and averted his gaze for a moment.

"Where's Isabel?" Hange asked as here eyes scanned the background, which was too dark to really reveal anything.

"In her room playing some stupid video game." Levi scoffed as he cocked his head in the direction which you assumed Isabel's room was.

"Fun." Hange mused as she closed her eyes.

"And you? What are your plans for Christmas?" Levi's question surprised you, but you still answered.

"Same as always, gifts in the morning, breakfast, hopefully be plastered by 2." you sighed, Levi scoffed at your answer but seemed satisfied.

"What about the 26th?" Levi asked carefully. you pursed your lips as you thought about your schedule.

"Hmm well I'm not sure, probably-"

"Oh I forgot to tell you, Annie is hosting a party and asked me if you'd come." Mikasa's sleepy voice startled you.

"Really? Huh that's weird. Are you going?" you asked, tilting your face down to speak to her.

"Yeah. We're smoking weed." Mikasa mumbled, her eyes still shut.

"Guess I'll go too." you shrugged. Meanwhile Hange and Levi shared a wide-eyed glance, this could throw off their plans. More specifically Hange's plans, even more specifically her plan to set you and Levi up.

"Weed?" Levi asked, clearing his throat after the word fell from his lips. You knew that he had smoked the stuff in the past, but recently he had stuck to his juul and the occasional dab pen.

"yeah, Annie has like 30 grams right now." Mikasa answered.

"I've never smoked weed before." you mused, excitement bubbling up in your chest at the thought of the chance for a new experience.

"Eh it's okay." Mikasa shrugged.

"Guess I'll just have to try it for myself." you teased, nudging her with your shoulder.

"Guess you will." Mikasa mumbled before falling silent once more.

"Well there you have it. I'm going to Annie's on the 26th." you smiled as you answered Levi's original question. With the 26th only three days away, it gave you something to look forward to.

"Fine. Do what you want." Levi rolled his eyes and stood from his chair, his whole vibe seemed to change. You wondered if it had been something you'd said or if he was just growing bored.

"I've got to go. Farlan's phone is almost dead." Levi said as he walked through the apartment.

"Oh well it was nice-" before you could finish he had already hung up, or the phone had died.

"Classic Levi." Hange chuckled as she rose up, stretching her stiff muscles before returning to Erwin's side. You rolled your eyes and sat your phone down in defeat. You reached behind you for a throw blanket to cover you and Mikasa, you shuffled over a bit so you were snuggled between the arm of the couch and Mikasa, who had followed you. Using the arm as a pillow you lied down as much as you could with Mikasa still using your side as a pillow, she had stretched out as well to prop her feet up in Eren's lap. Eren was already passed out, his head leaning against Armin's shoulder, who was in a similar position to you. It was nice, you hadn't made much time for nights like these recently. Since you had spent most of your time with Jean you had neglected your friends, and you felt awful about it.

You had missed them deeply, in fact this had probably been the longest you'd gone without a weekend like this. Your family had been close to the Jeagers since you were babies. Your mom and Dr. Jeager both worked at the same hospital and often worked together, they had only grown closer when your father died of cancer when you were 9. Grisha and Carla had helped your mother our a lot the months following his death. Meaning you spent a lot of time with Eren and Mikasa, and by extension Armin. That same year was when they took in Mikasa since Kenny had been deemed "unfit" for a second child in his care. You assumed that the Jeagers would be coming over for Lunch like they always did on Christmas, as well as Armin and his grandfather. You felt your eyelids grow heavy as you thought about all the preparations that were needed for you to host this year, and before you knew it you had fallen asleep.

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pluviophile-bookworm · 3 years

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I feel like I need to talk about this...

I’m very open about being aroace. At least here on Tumblr I am. (Outside of Tumblr, I am technically out, but some issues with my mother and grandmother have forced me back into the closet. I felt miserable about that initially, but I’m learning to be fine with it.) But it wasn’t always this way. In fact, I didn’t even know what aroace meant until I was 18. So how was I supposed to know when I got my first ‘celebrity crush’ that those last words do not, in fact, describe very accurately what I was experiencing? I didn’t know I had ADHD, either. I feel like that might have helped me realise some things about my experience. But let me go back a bit and actually tell you what happened and how it happened. [side note: I’ll be starting from a bit earlier than the ‘crush’ thing happened because I feel like it’s important for whoever reads this to understand how my circumstances shaped the experience I had]

Backstory:

I had always been different from my peers, so it was not surprising to anyone that I was bullied in middle school. [side note: Judging from my and my little brother’s combined experience, I feel like bullying is, quite unfortunately, something of a universal experience in middle school - in my day, I was on the receiving end. This last school year, my brother was the bully. Gosh, I wish I could tell my story without many deviations and without crying as I type, but I’ve already thrown both of those intentions out the window.]

So anyway, things got so bad that I was driven to suicidal thoughts. One night I was just lying in bed, thinking about going through with it, but I was like, well, I’ve got a test in the morning. Maybe after that. 13-year-old me had very weird priorities. I kind of still value my work over my mental health, but I’m working on it. So that night, I didn’t do anything. The next day, right before school, I was on the internet and I found out a new show had premiered. And then, as I was watching the pilot episode, that was when it happened. I saw this boy, whom I will not be naming, and I listened to him sing. I felt nothing much at the moment, but I couldn’t get the song out of my mind all day. Up until that moment, I had had a weird attitude towards music where I’d only listen to female singers. My ‘boys have cooties’ phase, I guess you could say. But this one, he was the first one I didn’t mind at all. In fact, I felt like I could listen to his voice 24/7. I’ve had that feeling hundreds of times by now, but I hadn’t before then. So I figured, this must be what a crush means, right? This must be what all my peers are talking about. The next day, I confided in a girl from my class with whom I was kind of friendly (though not actual friends, I’d say). I asked her if she’d seen the show, if she knew this person. She said yes and we kind of gushed about the song together, and I felt normal for a couple of minutes. I never knew the difference between my experience and what is considered ‘normal’ until years later.

For the time being, the thought of this special person was what was keeping me alive. I started having visions of him walking with me through the school hallways or sitting next to me on the bus home from school. I knew perfectly well those visions weren’t real, but they made me feel better. Happy. Safe. Seen. Full disclosure: I still have such visions, I’ve had them with different people through the years as my hyperfixations change. My latest one is what has enabled me to deal with some of my worst phobias (and I have a long list of them). I’ve never told anybody what it is, and I won’t be telling because I feel like if I do tell, the vision will not be strong enough to work against my fears. But I’m getting sidetracked again. Sorry for that.

So, I was pretty much obsessed with this guy. He was all I could think about, he was keeping me alive through what was possibly the toughest time in my life to date. So naturally, thanks to my heteronormative, amatonormative surroundings, I was convinced I had a crush on him. In fact, after this experience had lasted about a year, I was sure I was in love.

Then things changed. I started high school. I found a couple of friends, and the people in my class in general made me feel like I could finally be myself. Be open about what I thought and how I felt. So by the end of the first semester, all 27 people in my class knew about my feelings for this guy. What I didn’t know was that they didn’t know that it wasn’t exactly like I was describing it. Because I wasn’t aware that a straight/ allo person’s idea of being ‘in love’ was different from mine. I was just putting things in words I thought I understood.

So it came as a total surprise when some people from my class started teasing me about it. It wasn’t malicious teasing, that much I could tell. I had been bullied mercilessly before. What my new classmates were doing was asking genuine questions in a slightly teasing manner. For example, it would be known that my special person had a girlfriend, and so they’d ask me ‘aren’t you jealous’ or ‘do you wish you were that’, or stuff like that. And those questions felt so weird. So stupid. I thought, wait, why would I be jealous? Why would I feel bad about this person who has made me so happy, being happy himself? Why would I want to date him? That had nothing to do with how I felt. I told my classmates so. They gave me weird looks in response. So I started feeling like there was something wrong with me. Like I wasn’t doing that ‘in love’ thing right. Suddenly, I felt like my feelings were being intruded upon. Tarnished, somehow. I had always been aware that my visions were anything but real. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. And all of a sudden, somebody was suggesting that I should want to date this person. Why would I want to date anyone, I thought? Even if it was him. Dating people was awkward. Making physical contact with anyone outside my immediate family made me shudder. It still does, though I can hug some of my closest friends without any negative feelings. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Back to my first time I questioned my experience. I was about 14 at the time (in Bulgaria, high school starts from grade 8, ages 13-14 or 14-15), and, well, I didn’t do much questioning at the time. I just told myself that they didn’t understand my feelings, and I stopped being so open about the topic.

My hyperfixation on this person lasted long. Longer than any other I’ve ever had to date. Maybe it was because I clung to it like it was what tethered me to my mortal life. But by my final year of high school, I could feel it fading away. I was forcing myself to think about this person, to conjure up the old visions; the song that had started it all was drained of all meaning that it had held for me. I was moving on to other hyperfixations. I felt like I was betraying myself, like I was breaking some sort of unbreakable vow. It was time to face the music. So I let go. I allowed myself to move on. It was kind of made easier by the fact that my special person had changed, too, and had moved on to projects that I could not enjoy due to some triggering content. And I moved on.

Then I joined Tumblr. I discovered some things. Among them was Hellenic polytheism. It had been a while since I’d found my faith in the Hellenic pantheon, but Tumblr was where I found out I was not alone, that there was an existent religion. And step by step, I realised that... I had been projecting Apollo’s presence onto my special person. And my old connection to that person had started fading away when I had realised I believed in the gods.

This explained a lot of things. But there was still the fact that I had never been able to look at another person the way my peers were looking at each other. I had been asked out two or three times during high school. I had rejected those people without even thinking about it. My best friend at the time was a boy and most teachers seemed to ship us together because, well, let’s be real - we were constantly fighting like an old married couple. It took him getting a girlfriend and seeing how happy I was for the two of them for everyone to realise that things between us were, and had always been, purely platonic. And now I was going to uni and I had never had feelings I was apparently supposed to have.

It was also thanks to Tumblr that I discovered the extent of the LGBTQ+ community. I considered myself an ally at first, and I was a passionate ally, too. I still am nothing but supportive to my fellow LGBTQ+ people of all identities, but it was not until I was 18 going on 19 that I discovered the term ‘asexual’. I knew quite suddenly that this was the term for me. I knew what I was and how I felt. I felt mature enough to know the difference between ‘I’m not experienced enough to know for sure’ and ‘I’ve just never had those feelings, I don’t even know what they’re supposed to be like’. It took a bit longer to find out there was a difference between sexual and romantic attraction, but by the time I was 19, I had proudly labelled myself ‘aroace’. I still feel at home with this label. I am completely open to the possibility that it might change with time, but this is what feels right at this time.

Fast-forward another couple of years to about 8 months ago. I had always known that I got really invested into stuff - shows, books, hobbies, people - only for that investment to wear off after a time. The timespans varied, but I realised I had experienced this ever since I was in pre-school at least. I didn’t have a term for it, though. And then, all of a sudden, Tumblr started offering me posts tagged ADHD. I could relate to maybe 95% of them. At one point, it felt like whatever algorithm this hellsite operates on was shoving the ADHD posts in my face, as if screaming ‘DOES THIS REMIND YOU OF, WELL, YOU?!!!’ in my ears. So I did some tests. I did a lot of self-reflection. I went to a psychiatrist. I was diagnosed in March. I started educating myself on the terminology and found out that what I was experiencing is called hyperfixating. So here I am now.

Here I am now, reflecting back on my experience from 8 years ago, connecting the dots. Realising what it was that I went through, allowing myself to go through it again, with different things and people. I don’t feel the need to cling to hyperfixations anymore because I know that is what they are and I know I can’t keep them forever. Of course, I do feel bad about stopping caring about something that used to be my light and life for a time. I dread the time I’ll get over my current hyperfixation, but I also know it’s inevitable. My ADHD brain needs the change and it happens naturally. And somehow I’m ok with that.

Well, this is it. This is the story of how Tumblr prompted me to discover aspects of myself that have been there for as long as I can remember. What better place to talk about it than Tumblr itself? What better group of people to understand and accept me than my lovely mutuals and followers? If you’re reading this, thank you. For being here, for listening to me, for allowing me to be who I am. You’ve got no idea how happy this makes me, even though I can barely see what I’m typing through the tears. Thank you.

#personal #jnk #asexual #aromantic #aro #ace #aroace #adhd #hellenic polytheism #tw: suicide #tw: bullying

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motsimages · 3 years

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A list of Hollywood things that may be what real life is in the US and the equivalent situation in Spain. Feel free to add your own country. I’d love to know of other places :)

This is going to be long, so the TL:DR is there are many things I know about the US because of the movies, landscapes, hobbies, cultural things, everyday life things and sometimes they feel very normal or like something that happens in movies, no in between. They are neither and this is a list of differences I can think of in regards to Spain.

Click there to find out, there are pictures and all.

- Going to school by car, by bike or in a yellow bus: We either walk or your parents drive you (specially when you are too young to go by bus on your own or your parents are overprotective). Not really bike because bike lanes are a mess (in that they don’t exist) in Spain, it is dangerous. There are school buses if students come from places that are further but they’re average travel buses and once you are 16, you cannot use them. You have to go to school from 16 to 18 in public transportation because school is not mandatory after 16, it is understood it’s your choice. You may have a motorbike at 16 but I don’t know anybody who went to school in it. All of this is extra -fun- if you live in a village as in there may not be any bus service if it’s a small place or you live far apart from the village.

The picture is an average school bus with a woman in charge of picking up children. It looks like it’s in the country or maybe, the outside neighbourhoods of a city.

- Dating: we don’t date. If you like someone, you find a way to hang out with them and hope for the best. It may be more or less clear what is going on but it’s not a date, just a plan. You go to a restaurant/movies/theater... when you _are_ in a relationship or with friends. Not a date. The confusing hell it is to watch people saying things like “It’s a date! I’ll pick you up at 8!” Ok. Maybe they pick you up but still not a date. Also: not a problem if you have sex straight away or if you don’t feel like it (because there is no social obligation around it, no date). It seems to be a big deal when you are 30 and “never been in a date” but the first time I was in a date was with my current boyfriend _after_we started going out (I was 30 btw). I met him on a dating app, btw. Still don’t consider the first time we met “a date”. “Going on a date” maybe a thing but still probably based on movies.

- Prom: very confusing. Specially the part where you _have_ to have a _date_ (again, not something we do ever). If we do a ball (IF, also it wouldn’t be a “ball” as such but a “party”), it is actually expected to go on your own, with your friends. It would be a massive social pressure to go with the boy you like (with whom nothing happened prior to this) in front of people. Nah, you either go with your partner that you already have or with mates. But generally speaking, there is no “prom” or “graduation” in high school. In my high school, we spoke with a restaurant to have dinner, invited the teachers we liked and after that, went to local bars to party until the next morning when we went to see what grades we had received for the year. It was done like this so those who failed the exams could still party with the rest.

As for uni, maybe some other colleges do something but we didn’t (mainly because I studied translation and half of the people in my year were abroad that year). I don’t even have a picture of my graduation. People usually dress smart and then wear a band with the colour of their faculty.

The picture is graduation from Tourism (if I’m not mistaken). It shows a group of girls on a scene, all of them smartly dresses with an orange band on their shoulders. Their classmates are sitting on the grades of this “theater thing”, all wearing the same band.

- High School: in general, it’s very confusing. It seems to me like there is some kind of obsession with high school years given all the movies about high school and all the “childhood sweetheart” stories out there. For us, it is quite an irrelevant period of our lives, almost like school. You do it because you have to but often, life (and interesting things) happen AFTER high school. Our high schools don’t have lockers, you just carry 5 books in a backpack. But you have your class, only a couple of things take place in other rooms (maybe Science in the lab, or some optional subjects). Public schools close once the classes are over and all the activities you may want to do, you do them somewhere else (paying for them, most of the time). There are no School teams of anything, you don’t play against other schools either (maybe private schools do, I don’t know). In my high school, I remember for Spring we organised like a week of activities and you would sign up with your mates if anything. You and 2 others would make a basketball team to play in the Basketball league against other people in your class but it isn’t “The Official Team”. I remember there was a card tournament for the game of Mus (typical from Madrid). Also, we don’t have The Popular, The Band Kid, The Nerds, etc. clearly separated. There is bullying (but our toilets are not full of water so you cannot drown there) but either you are normal or you are the weird kid, so to say. I was a weird kid who suffered some light bullying and then I went to average, with no bullying. Overall, everyone speaks with each other and unless it’s a severe case of bullying (which there are), there are no underdogs or closed groups. We don’t have yearbooks AT ALL and this “Clown of the class” thing? I personally find it borderline problematic.

Picture of an average high school in Spain. It’s separated in two halfs. On the left, there is a couple of people carrying backpacks in a corridor. It’s quite dark, a window at the end giving light to the corridor. On the right, one of the doors of the corridor is open and shows a classroom. There are lots of green tables and chairs, all of them in pairs. At the end there is a blackboard. The light comes from the window.

- Alcohol consumption and other drugs: We can drink at 18 and it’s not a big deal if you get drunk. By the time you’re 18, your parents have seen you drunk more than once. You may have gotten drunk with your parents. You’ve seen them drunk more than once. Spain is quite an alcoholic society, tbh. BUT we do not like aggressive drunkards or dependant drunkards. You can get drunk but you have to be able to still be nice. Your friends will stop hanging out with you if you get drunk too often, too heavy or too badly (and you will find those who follow you, obvs). We do it to socialize and have fun, not to knock out. Weed is partially legal (I don’t really know the law, you can get fined for carrying but not arrested, you can buy paraphernalia in shops, there are cannabis clubs, people can smoke on the street in the open, you can grow it at home, it can be used for medical purposes or recreational). Other drugs are illegal though personal use may be allowed? I don’t know but I do know that it’s relatively easy and cheap to find other harder drugs, and so, they are commonly used at parties. The 80s were a complicated time in Spain because the heroine consumption was over the roof. It killed many many people in that generation.

- Houses: in cities, it’s more frequent for people to live in a flat. Depending on the time when this flat was built, the quality of the materials will be better, the flat will be bigger or smaller. Houses are something you see mainly in villages and they tend to be next to each other, no garden (maybe a patio). In the last 20-30 years, people started to show an interest in something that looks like “suburbs” from the movies (even though “suburbio” in Spanish actually means the full opposite of “suburbs”) but it doesn’t fit the weather nor the way we live and I personally hate them. And wooden houses are out of this world, everything here is made of stone or brick. Traditional houses here are made of stone with thick walls (up to one meter of thickness). I attach pictures of houses in the North of Spain. Southern houses are full white, no wooden structures to be seen from the outside.

A village in what looks like the North of Spain. There is a lot of vegetation, you can see some white and brown houses in a grass field. There is a tower at the back. We see a town square with houses made of stone, red roof and wooden balconies. Most of the walls are painted white, some aren’t and you can see the stone itself.

- Physical contact: in the movies, people rarely hug. It seems to me that maybe in the 80s-90s people hugged, touched more on screen. At some point in the 2000s it stopped and now you have people crying their eyes out and their best friend just standing there. We stand closer to each other and touch each other to show care, interest and affection very often. Some people in Spain are not very tactile (and thus, really like Northern Europe) but generally speaking, if someone cries, you hug them (unless you know they don’t want it, in which case you stay nearby). Heterosexual men also hug and also hold each other by the shoulder, for instance. I know this is a shock for some foreigners (don’t know if in the US it would be). From the times I’ve met US people, they’re not only surprised but sometimes actually scared that people touch them. Not even Asians react the way US people do to physical contact in Spain. BTW, when I say “touch”, I mean “the arm, shoulder” mainly. Other places require closer levels of friendship. However, you may kiss your partner/lover anywhere in the street, it’s ok, usually goes unnoticed by people. Even my parents grab each others asses occasionally in the street.

This picture is from La Torre de Suso, where 4 friends gather after 10 years of being apart because an old friend died. It also touches on drug addiction and the 80s. It shows 4 men in their 40s wearing a jacket and a tie, smartly dress, smiling and about to hug each other in the middle of the street of what looks like a small town.

- Welcoming someone to the neighbourhood: apparently, people bring cakes to the new comers. We don’t, you’ll eventually meet your neighbours. Or not. But you have to say hello to the people you see on the stairs of your flat, in the street you live. In small towns/villages, you have to greet everyone you know, at least say “hi”, ideally actually stop for small talk (I’m terrible at this but getting better now that I live in a small town).

- Church: it seems to be a big part of people’s lives. Very often, people are going to church, all ceremonies seem to be religious (marriage, death...) and they tend to be Christian (sometimes Jewish but they seem to be less involved in their religious life?, or maybe the movie is done by non-religious people?). In Spain, everything is Catholic and at the same time, it isn’t. Many traditions are Catholic and people enjoy them but they aren’t Catholic themselves. There are churchgoers, of course. There are Catholic cults with massive power in politics and society (Opus Dei, mainly). But we had a fascist Catholic dictatorship and many people got very tired of it. To give you an idea of how things usually go: everyone in my village eats the same meal (fish and garbanzo beans for lunch, potato omelette for diner) on Good Friday (even my family, where nobody has ever been religious willingly). Only old people and some very Catholic families go to church. Most holidays are related to Catholic Saints (this gives us lots of long weekends and days off during the year) and they are often celebrated with a town fair that lasts several days.

In theory, Spain has no religion. In reality, it is Catholicism. In schools/high schools there is a subject called “Religion” and almost always it’s about Catholicism (teachers of this subject, even in public schools, are related to the Church somehow). It is not mandatory but often there is no alternative if you don’t want to take it (I was the only child who didn’t attend and had my own homework during that time that my mother chose for me: Ethics).

The image is from El Rocío, an important religious fair that takes place in the South of Spain. Many local fairs look similar to this. Lots of people are gathered in a small temporary white hut, decorated with garlands (white and red) and the flag of Andalusia that is green and white. There is a bar with small glasses of white wine and some plates with food on them.

This said, it’s very frequent to get married at the Town Hall with a couple of witness and it’s also very frequent for burials to happen in the Tanatorio, where people can say goodbye to their loved one but it’s not in church.

And even many church goers are not devoted Christians, are open minded about LGBT issues or other, for instance.

- Prison: We don’t have death penalty but people can spend their life in prison if their crimes are massive and they add years and years to their sentence. Prisons here are public and as far as I’ve seen in Spanish movies, there are no uniforms, you wear your everyday clothes. You will only go to prison if you committed a serious crime or if you have several small crimes. Often, the first time it’s a reduced sentence that can be made into paying a fine. The second time you will go to prison. This happens even for domestic violence/rape which usually causes great controversy in society. You can leave earlier if you behave well (very earlier actually) and sometimes you can leave the weekend and the come back to prison, or leave for x hours and come back to sleep. It depends on the sentence and behaviour, etc. I’d say terrorism is the hardest charge and right now, they are using terrorism as an excuse to sentence activists (there quite a lot of political prisoners in Spain).

I mention crimes because you have to have LOTS of other offences to go to prison. They usually are just fined.

The picture is from the movie Cell 211 which is an excellent movie. Do watch it. It shows the main character, a bold man with a goatie wearing a sweater whose sleeves have been cut off. He looks serious. On the background, many men wearing everyday sports clothes cheer and look in the same direction as him.

- Laws: I don’t know Spanish law very well (it bothers me to say that I may know better what to do with the police in the US than in Spain) but it seems to me, from the movies, that many things are made into a massive deal in the US. Like jaywalking is apparently an offence of some kind? Here you can just cross the street wherever. People respect the crossing path for safety but it’s not a crime to not do it. People also don’t sue companies or other people as often and it’s usually not that big of a deal maybe? In any case, it’s a completely different legal system.

. The 50s: The 50s in the US are fancy and colourful. Society seems to have been thriving, everything was getting better. In Spain, the hunger years were starting to be over but many people were poor. We were in the worst of the Franco dictatorship, it was quite a rural society that had been destroyed by a civil war (the effects of which are still being felt). Rich people were fascist, poor people could be anything (many were actually communists, republican or other leftist). This is not a happy time in Spain. Many people had left to be refugees in other countries, many were leaving illegally to work in Germany or France. The music we listened to at the time was definitely not Elvis Presley (look for Lola Flores or Miguel de Molina, even though he ended up fleeing the country because he was openly gay and republican and they almost killed him once).

This image is from the movie Los Santos Inocentes, based on a book of the same title. A classic of Spanish modern literature and cinema. This is the way most people looked in the 50s in Spain. Even now old people look like this in villages.

It is like a family picture in front of a white house. Everyone is wearing black, dark blue, dark green or grey. From left to right, there is a boy sitting on a bench that is situated next to the door. Next, it’s a young girl wearing a long grey skirt and a dark green jacket. By the door, the mother holds a very thin boy who seems to be either deeply sick or dead. She wears mostly black and gray. The boy has the brightest green in the scene. Next to her, there is a man wearing a gray jacket and a bonet and finally, there is an older man that seems to be smiling (the only one smiling, everyone else has a serious and gloomy face).

And that’s what I can think of right now.

#hollywood #cultural differences #life in Spain #Spain #comparing movies #us life #spanish life

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aspottedquoll · 4 years

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Walking back from Charlotte's house, record player in one hand, swim bag slung over my shoulder and a stack of records tucked under my other arm, I tried to summon the words to combat my mother's disbelief. She shook her head with a huff when I'd told her I was picking up a record player from a friend. What is it with you young people she would say. What is your obsession with old things, why do you want our old film cameras and things from another age?

Striding to meet the traffic lights on a Road, the afternoon sun beating down on the rough footpath and the four lanes of traffic rushing past, I shuffled my belongings to press the button. I waited, lights beeping, sun radiating back at me in oppressive waves off the tarmac. Stopped at the lights, a man called out to me from his car. Peering into the passenger window, I realised with a jolt it was Ty from school two years ago. How are you!? He called. Great! I replied, I haven't seen you in ages! I've just finished work he said, pulling at his shirt to show me, something Motors - I remembered he was an avid fan of mechanics. I'm picking up a record player I retorted with glee, smile stretching across my face.

The lights changed. See you! I waved, my newly acquired record player dangling off my arm. And that was it. A strange snapshot, catapulting me back to the past, pre gap-80-days, pre covid, pre uni, pre a lot of things. I guess that's the way life works, the normal everyday people orbiting around you - even at a distance become nostalgic glimpses to the mundane events of a past life. Maybe, in a small way that's why we're gravitating back to the old. To physical things, a real life reminder of the things we love.

A photo on film, I explain to my mum, has so much character. It's captured that moment in a single shot, there's no second chances, no different angles, it simply is. And then, after all those weeks of waiting, did it actually work? What lovely surprises are in store as you flick through those photos with friends. Remember that day? We went to the beach specifically to buy chocolate cake in reminiscence of the one we found at a farmers market in London but it was so cold and windy we couldn't even stand let alone swim and ended up buying a Buffy leather jacket from an op shop! And then you can stick it on your wall, post it to a friend or stick it in a book.

There's a surreal quality to the filmy quality of the pictures, one that is utterly different to the thousands of photos we all have on our phones. They are documenting our lives, not freezing memories. A year ago today I was jumping on trampolines at work and watching Mamma Mia with my gappies. It made me smile, but I don't cherish these memories, stick them on my wall to remind me of every moment of my life.

Now as I sit at my uni work, I send my mum a photo from one of my readings

There is no doubt that for ten years the French, immobilised by the current crisis, have begun to cast tender, longing glances at the supposed harmony of days past. It's all a game of pretend Leisure activities and hobbies from nineteenth century postcards to the outfits of our grandmothers, from amateur genealogy to rural communes, all have a backward looking appeal.

She sent me back a text: Indeed. For those who have not lived through them the first time round.

I suppose that we will always take things from the past, for that is the trial and error of living. I love my record player, the tinny sound it produces filling my room with jazz, creeping out my window and drifting down the street. It get carried away on the cool evening breeze, a reprieve from the rest of the day.

#so imma write things sometimes now #they're just tiny snapshots of things or thoughts or moments #i want them to be everyday but hey lets face it thats not going to happen #what should i call them?#ritwings #thats fun #i just want to practice writing #yay lets see how long this will last #I haven't really edited this but hey I'm procrastinating so I should probably stop

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nad-zeta · 4 years

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Match up! (ᵔᴥᵔ)

Hi hi! May I please have a matchup for IkeSen? I’ve been reading through all the ones you’ve posted and I love how much thought and consideration you put into them! ☺️

A little about me; I’m just about to turn 23, 5’4”, a Leo, and my MBTI is ENFJ. Blue eyes, blonde hair, but ya girl is about to become a redhead and I can’t remember the last time I was so excited for a change like that lol 🤩 I’m pretty confident in myself, and sometimes that pride gets in the way of asking for help, but I can understand when it’s needed and put it to the side (temporarily).

I love love looove to read 😍 Lately I’ve been really into contemporary romance but I’m also a big fan of YA and adult fantasy! Oh, and academic texts, the reasoning for which I touch on below.

Learning is honestly one of passions, but it has to be on my schedule and the subjects I’m actually interested in. I just finished my BaH in History, and it’s cool because I can go off about fertility treatments in 17th century England or notable female figures in the Philippine Revolution of 1896, but I don’t know shit about much of WW1 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’m also super social, so I love going to parties and events (or better yet hosting parties and events). Social interaction is what keeps me going, and the side of me that loves quiet reading time comes out when i need to recharge. I also need something to do to keep busy, so I tend to alternative creative hobbies pretty frequently. And I’m always trying new recipes! Mainly baking different things, but really I’m willing to try cooking anything that piques my interest at least once.

I love to travel too! I’m a broke uni graduate so I can’t exactly afford to go anywhere rn, but I’d love to be able to travel the world and visit historical sites. They would have to be long trips though, because I have a habit of sleeping in and staying up late into the night, so I end up limiting how many daylight hours I have to get things done 😅

I think that’s about it? Me in a bubble lol. I’m so looking forward to seeing who you’d think I’d mesh with, thank you so much! 🥰

Hi hi, love! 🔥Thank you so much for the request! Awww I’m so happy you have been enjoying my matchups! ❤😆Sorry for taking sooo long! I hope you enjoy and I hope you have the best day!❤🌻 @ohno-0tome

So I match you with……….Shingen

It had been a few weeks since you arrived in Azuchi and you were starting to fit in pretty nicely. I’ll admit when you first arrived the warlords were extremely cold and suspicious towards you, but soon they got to know you and had adopted you as their dearest little sister.

You work incredibly hard for the castle and its people and all the warlords absolutely adored your bubbly personality. One of your closest friends was Mitsunari, as he like you was a fellow bookworm and scholar. You had also come to become quick friends with Masamune as the two of you would often swap out recipes and spend the day cooking delicious food for the Mitsus

Mitisunari had introduced you to the town library, where he too spent most of his time absorbing the knowledge from any and every book he could get his hands on. In just 2 weeks of being in Azuchi you had managed to read almost every book in the castle archives. So you would often accompany Mitsunari on his trips to the library to quench your own thirst for knowledge.

You loved going into town and just spending the day in the library, it was every book lovers ideal setting. Quiet, comfy chairs and a small teahouse in the furthest corner of the library, that sold the most amazing pastries and tea you have ever tasted. It had become somewhat a tradition for you to quickly finish all your chores and then make your way to the library, to sit in your usual sunny spot by the window. You had gone to the place so often that everyone knew you there, even the teahouse owner would keep your teacup full as you spent the day reading in the sun.

One day as you sat in your usual spot, a man walked past the library window and saw the most enchanting person he had ever seen. The way you red hair shimmered in the sunlight absolutely enchanted Shingen. Boy oh, boy did Shingen lose his heart to you the second your beautiful blue eyes met his. You gave him a small smile and went back to the young adult romance book you were reading. As you carried on reading your mind couldn’t help but drift to the mysterious man that you had seen through the window. You wondered if you would ever get a chance to see him again, and if hearing your thoughts, fate intervened

The next day you went to the library after work as per usual, the owner had told you that they had just gotten in a new shipment of YA books, and gestured to the top shelf. Honestly, you weren’t the tallest of people so you opted to climb a few of the shelves, so you could reach the books. You had no intention of asking anyone for help, as you were a strong independent woman. You carefully made your way to the top, gripping the small groves between the shelves for support. Just as you reached out to grab a book, your footing slipped, and you went tumbling down. You braced yourself for impact, yet it never came. When you cracked open your eyes, you saw two deep brown eyes and a gorgeous smile staring back at you, “Careful my angel, can’t have you falling down and injuring yourself, now can we.”

He gently set you down on the ground, and the two of you got to chatting. You were incredibly social, and you loved meeting and chatting to new people. You couldn’t help but laugh and Shingen’s cheesy pick-up lines and his flirtatious way of talking. He definitely caught your interest, especially when you spotted him holding a book about history, and not just any history, English history. That afternoon was spent with the two of you excitingly talking about the historical events and figure of all the different places the two of you had read about.

The next day you took up residence in your usual spot, when Shinegn walked into the library and took a seat next to you, to read a book of his own. This had become somewhat of a daily occurrence. You and Shingen would sit in your usual spot in the library near each other and just read.

Some days the two of you would just sit and read without saying a single word, yet other days the two of you would sit for hours and hours in the tea-house discussing everything and anything, from new books read, to the most random of topics.

Shingen wasn't the only friend you had managed to make when leaving the castle to spend the day in the markets. You had soon after your arrival also met Yukimura and Sasuke, and the three of you became quick friends. You absolutely loved to banter and bicker with Yuki and completely geek out with Sasuke over history. Honestly, the three of you acted like a siblings.

One day while you stopped by at Yuki’s stall for your daily bickering match, he let it slip that Sasuke’s birthday was coming up. Your eyes gleamed in delight at the mention of your friend’s birthday, “Yuki, I know just how we can celebrate his birthday!” You and Yuki spent many afternoons together planning a birthday surprise for Sasuke. You absolutely loved parties and hosting events, so you were absolutely in your element, planning out every detail. You, of course, left the guest list up to Yukimura cause he had told you that Sasuke had many friends that didn’t exactly live in Azuchi.

The night of the party, you were having the best time, Sasuke was so surprised that you and Yuki had managed to pull off such a big bash right under his nose. You were walking around mingling with all his friends when a familiar man caught your attention, was that…. Shingen? You walked up to the gorgeous man, “well well well fancy meeting you here.” You smiled at the sight of Shingen being caught off guard, “I was wondering what kind of celestial being would be able to pull off such a big bash right under our enemies noses, and I must say to find out that it was all your doing doesn’t surprise me.” Before you could answer Yuki and Sasuke came up to the two of you. Sasuke and Yuki were busy introducing Shingen to you when you, shocked them both with the revelation that the two of you had actually been spending the past few months together, reading and chatting in the library. You and Shingen spent the whole party together just chatting and joking away

Shingen realized that night that he had long ago fallen in love with you. He loved your bubbly social personality, he loved the way the two of you could just sit in comfortable silence for hours and hours not talking but just simply enjoying the presence of each other. He loved how confident and intelligent you were and how you hated asking for assistance/help of any kind. He just simply loved you. He was determined after that night to tell you exactly how he felt.

He knew from the many conversations the two of you had shared that you loved to travel and explore historical sites. So a few weeks after Sasuke’s party, he met you at your usual spot in the book shop. He gently took your hand in his, and lead you outside to a waiting horse. The two of you rode for what felt like hours, when you finally arrived at Kasugayama Castle. Sasuke had suggested to Shingen that he show you his home, as Sasuke knew you would absolutely love to see the home of another warlord, as it is low key considered a historical site in the future. The last stop of your sightseeing visit was Shingen’s room, which was full of the coolest historical artefacts.

He made the two of you some tea, and you sat down across from him slightly exhausted from a full day of fun adventures. After tea, Shingen walked you to your room, as it was already too late to take you back home. The two of you stopped in front of the door, neither one wanting to part from the other just yet. That’s when Shingen took your hands in his and leaned in close and confessed his feeling for you. He couldn’t even finish his cheesy flirty confession, as before he knew it your arms were wrapped around his neck and you had captured his lips in a sweet kiss.

You decided to stay in Kasugayama Castle for a little while longer, sending word to Nobunaga and the other to let them know you were safe. Shingen loved finding our new thing about you every day. Like your love for baking, he had quite the sweet tooth and to find out that his goddess could satisfy that sweet tooth with delicious pastries, made his heart soar. He loved it when you would surprise him with your latest creation, after being inspired to try out a cool new recipe that piqued your interest. He loved how you could never sit still and always had something to keep you busy.

The two of you continued your tradition of reading together, expect the only difference was, now that you were together Shingen would insist you sit in his lap and read so that he could hold his goddess in his arms.

This man will shower you in endless amounts of affection and attention. THB you loved it at Kasugayama Castle, as there was a social gathering almost every night. Whenever you would need to recharge your social battery, Shingen would be by your side in an instant, silently leading you away from the banquet so that the two of you could spent the rest of the evening in peace.

What did Shingen love the most about you? Well that easy, he loved that you would sleep in late into the mornings, especially if the two of you had had a late night staying up together. He loved to just lay there and watch that beautiful sleeping face of yours, while he gently rubs small circles on your back.

He loved how you would wake up slowly and turn around in his arms while nuzzling into his chest to shield your eyes from the sun streaming into the room, to give your self 5 more minutes of sleep. He would tighten his embrace and trail small kisses from the top of your head, making his way down to your forehead, each of your eyelids, nose and finally lips, while whispering a sweet good morning. These quiet, warm moments with you every morning were beyond compare his favourite.

Other potential matches……………. Nobunaga

I hope you enjoyed this dear❤🌻!

#ikesen matchup #matches #matchups #match ups #shingen takeda #shingen matchup #ikemen shingen #submission

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mbtiofwhys · 4 years

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MBTI and quarantine

How INFJ mod and ENFP mod are dealing with self distancing

Disclaimer: quarantine for us began roughly around the end of February, and we’re writing this at the end of April, so it’s been two whole months by now.

How have we been doing up until now?

INFJ mod: the first month went well, and with “well” I mean “bad”. As an introvert, social distancing shouldn’t affect me too much, right? Well, this is true and I suppose it’s a benefit I’ve experimented in the last weeks. It somehow helps me easing emotional pain and stress and this is undoubtedly an introvert perk. At the same time I’m a J. I need a certain amount of structure and order to plan ahead and organize my nearest future. I had a couple of exams during the first month of quarantine and it was stressful to deal with them in an emergency situation with lots of unforseen problems. So, how have I been doing up until now? I must admit that an unexpected emergency like this affected my emotional well-being, but i’m trying to stay positive and learn to adapt and take advantage of quarantine!

ENFP mod: the first weeks had been absolute hell, let me tell you. I lost my routine, I lost my friends, I couldn’t even go out for a walk and every plan I’d made crumbled. Staying home felt like prison, and not having a set routine anymore affected my mental order and productivity because I was no longer able to correctly prioritize things. However, I think being N and being P helped me getting used to quarantine while at the same time being able to at least pursue my main interests and hobbies (I play games, I write, I read, and so on). I’m doing far better now, between discord calls with friends and group projects for uni, I keep in touch with people, while the increased free time allows my sparkling Ne-Fi to focus more on personal projects, like this blog.

Working/studying at home

INFJ mod: As I stated before, I’m a student. My university reacted well to the emergency and found countermeasures to compromise between a lack of lectures and the regular exams. Now I’m attending online lessons and the situation is far less stressful than it was until a month ago. I don’t have to underestimate this lack of pressure, because in a context where every day feels the same it’s easy to slack off and to lose track of time. From a more concrete standpoint I must admit how comfortable and suitable online lessons are, since i don’t have to spend hours commuting and I can save time.

ENFP mod: I study in the advertising field, so my lessons are more like labs and peer reviews than proper lectures - also, there’s a lot of group work. Quarantine affected all this very badly to put things lightly, and although I appreciate the effort my university put in providing online classes and reviews, things aren’t absolutely the same as before, and this is lowering my motivation overall. I also used to work part time in events and malls during weekends, so obviously I lost that one, too - what a life.

Alone time vs imposed isolation

INFJ mod: Quarantine should be like heaven for an introvert, right? Here is the fact: I can stay at home for a week or even more without social interaction, but it will always be my choice to recharge my social batteries or to enjoy alone time. This is an entirely different situation. Imposed isolation feels exactly like what it is: a necessary imposition that I didn’t choose. So, even if I need alone time as an introvert, I really miss my friends and the simple things we can do like laughing together, talking about our lives and passions, seeing them smile or telling a joke, sharing emotions. Because as an INFJ my auxiliary Fe just NEEDS to share emotions, thoughts, experiences, fears and dreams with trusted friends. As a Fe user, I’m still managing to find healthy ways to express my feelings, and although quarantine is an unusual situation and there are more constraints, I can still stay in touch with my friend and try to use Fe in a positive way.

ENFP mod: People call us ENFPs ‘the most introverted of the extroverts’ and I can see why but truth is, the E is there and you can’t change that. Not attending classes is hard, and I miss even the smallest things of being outside - like listening to music while commuting or walking in the street and generally… feel the outer world? And even if I, too, need alone time sometimes, it’s different when it’s forced. But I got used to it in the end, so it’s not that bad anymore. Lots of reading, writing and playing games - thank God P5R came out at the end of March. I’m managing by sharing opinions and experiences with my friends - we can’t discuss how Makoto Niijima is the absolute best waifu of the P5 female cast in person, but we can do that via chat with fanworks.

Social distancing: real interaction vs digital interaction

INFJ mod: there is a huge difference between real and digital interaction. If we talk about how internet allows us to communicate and work or study at home, digital interactions surely are helpful and I’m really thankful to live in an era where I can stay in contact with my friends and even see them. At the same time, as a Fe user I find real interaction irreplaceable and from a more irrational and emotional standpoint I can’t compare the two. That being said, I really value digital interaction as substitute of real ones. It’ll always be welcomed, be it to study or to stay in touch with friends. I also must admit how digital interactions are an interesting compromise between alone and social time, a win-win for an introverted Fe user like me.

ENFP mod: I tend to be very touchy when it comes to the people I love so yeah, digital interaction isn’t the same thing. At the same time, none of my closest friends live in my city, and we often need to organize things a month prior to fit everyone schedule, so I’m at least used to not seeing them everyday. I also truly miss my classmates, with whom I used to go out after lessons and have fun. This isn’t obviously possible with Skype calls - and don’t get me started on how project works are harder to deliver like this.

Routine

INFJ mod: Maybe you’ll find it odd to read this from a J, but routines can really stress me out and I need small variation to my daily activities to relieve the fatigue. During this self imposed isolation I’m finding harder than usual to escape from routines.Yes, as a J I need structure and order to an extent. Yes, as a J I need time to adapt to new unexpected situations. What you may not know is that I also need ways to break free from strict and repetitive tasks. In my case, routines need to be a compromise between being mentally reassured by the presence of a certain amount of order and predictability and my aversion for repetitive tasks. Order and structure are subordinated to my desire for freedom. Freedom to create in an environment where I have time and space to envision what I want and how to do it, with my pace.

ENFP mod: I really struggled and I’m still struggling with routine. I don’t like routine per se, but it’s an external factor that gives structure to my life and helps me make the most of my free time while not losing track of my duties. Uni classes played the bigger role in this, and now that they’re online, the temptation of slacking off is really difficult to ignore. I keep my calendar updated and I make sure to be present and focused when needed, but I discovered I’m not well fit for smart working. To me, home is the place where I relax, rest and maybe study, but it certainly isn’t the place where I work. This conflict is what is giving me a hard time focusing on school projects, because if I’m home, the default mode is having fun. Also, I don’t have a sleep schedule anymore. I try my best every night, every night I get rejected.

Dealing with the inferior function

INFJ mod: I’m still working on my inferior Se and quarantine isn’t helping. As the inferior function, it usually takes me a while to even realize how much I’m falling into a Se grip or simply how much I’m not aware of Se. Self isolation amplifies those aspects and makes even harder to become conscious of unhealthy Se manifestations. Quarantine hasn’t stopped me to find a positive outlook in this situation and to learn from mistakes. At first I began to take a more concrete approach in daily life with simple actions. I live in a small town and I have green areas near my house, so I’m lucky enough to be able to spend some time in the nature and to experience it through the five senses. I’m also trying to become more aware of Se by being more present. This week I’m taking action and breaking vicious cycles of overthinking and self-doubt. Self isolation doesn’t allow me to experience life fully, so I’m taking advantage of the situation and I’m focusing those energies in concrete and meaningful actions, like writing on this blog or working on personal project involving creative writing.

ENFP mod: inferior Si isn’t giving me a particularly hard time, surprisingly. I’ve experienced Si grip and I know what that means to me, but luckily that isn’t an issue now. I sometimes do things that require a more focused and detail-oriented approach: styling wigs for cosplay, trying on new make-ups, baking or cooking, observing what happens out of the window to write it down. They’re not “Si activities” by definition, but they are all things that require concentration, calm, methodical approach and that cannot be rushed - on contrary, sometimes I need to start from scratches and observe my mistakes in order to improve. These are all small things that help my Si stay present and not freaking out overthinking the past, brooding in regrets or yelling at me because I’m not living a structured life at the moment.

The risk of loops and grips

INFJ mod: this is partly tied to what I wrote in the section above: this unexpected emergency and the resulting self isolation produced stress and negative emotions. As an INFJ, my first reaction is to jump in the future and visualize possible scenarios. In this difficult times, I need to take a step back from my negative “what ifs” and to stay positive by building a better future for myself and others day by day, through simple and concrete action. Otherwise I only risk to slip into Se grips or Ni-Ti loops. As I stated before I’m already working on Se: it’s not easy, but I’m at least trying. Another piece of the puzzle is my auxiliary Fe:proper auxiliary function development is essential to avoid loops. As an INFJ, self isolation prevents me from reaching out to my friends as much as I desire, at the same time we can stay in touch through digital interactions and they are surely helping me relieving stress and preventing loops.

ENFP mod: while the Si part is ok, I still seem to have problems with NeTe loop. I had some rough ten days in mid-March because I was so focused on the million projects I had to finish and how that was stressing me out that I practically lived for nothing else. I managed to stop that before it got worse by speaking with my colleagues and asking to slow down the pace, so that I could have some free time to spend without feeling guilty or unproductive. But I still need to be cautious about the loop.

Trying to use all the four functions (and other healthy coping mechanisms)

INFJ mod: ok, it’s time to sum up what I wrote in the last three sections. From an mbti perspective, I’m trying to find a balance between self reflection (Ni) and concrete actions (Se). Staying in the present, taking full responsibility for my actions, approaching life through simple and steady actions are all steps I follow every day to shift my locus of control to a more internal position. There are obviously setbacks and some days are far worse than others, but I’m trying to stay positive and find hope. Fe helps me to reach other people which is invaluable but sadly, as an introvert, doesn’t come naturally to me. It’s an healthy way to alleviate or completely avoid loops and to keep my heart warm. Ti, when not involved in a loop, allows me to give structure to what I find meaningful and to organize my thoughts. Ti is basically the backbone of what I envision through Ni.

ENFP mod: although the first times were rough, I feel I managed to find a balance along the way - with some setback from time to time. My Ne is constantly active in brainstormings for uni and discussing fictional works with friends. I must check on what my Fi needs because I tend to endure stress way more than I should do, so every now and then I must ask myself if I’m fine, if I need to stop or if I truly, absolutely like what I’m working on and, if the answer is no, if it’s possible to discuss it with my project group. Te is very active (even too much, sometimes) and it’s the core of me managing school, blog and personal projects, often writing things down on a schedule in order to keep my mind clear and ordered. I may help my Si more by really trying to re-establish a routine, but honestly the P approach helped me very much in this months of uncertainty, so I think I’ll keep going on like this as long as I’m fine.

Thank you for reading this far! - the mods

#mbti #mbti of whys #infj #enfp #Psychological Types #Personality Theory #personality type #quarantine #self distancing #mental health #blogging #type blogging

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ajeevan · 4 years

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21/10/20

6:19 AM

Uni today.

Gonna go and take photos in the afternoon lessons. Morning is to just make more progress on the writing part.

Went and got some photos as examples for one question last night.

I would say I have more than 50% done. Maybe around 60-70%.

Gotta hand in 4 images for the final part and gonna take at least 2 of those today. Portrait and landscape.

I got an idea for the last 2 but gotta figure out how I want to get the shot.

Watching a programing vid rn but idk most of the things in it.

Besides I don't know WHAT I can program.

I once said I'd like to have my own operating system. Design and build it etc.

Feel like that would be something cool.

Also I want to have like a smart home system in my mansion one day. Like have touchscreens on the wall and you can control everything or at least a big part of the house. Check the security camera or see if there are people in a room upstairs.

If I do that I want the touchscreens to be as thin as possible, to look awesome and to be fast af. I don't want to stand their and wait to check the security cameras etc. It has to work fast.

Looked at some security cameras a while ago. I think the setup I put together cost like 500 pounds? Idk

But that's something for down the line.

Building a giant mansion is one of the end goals.

Yk it's kind of cliche but still. I really want to do that. I want to have a basement that covers the entire estate like build everything on top of the basement. Gonna have an underground parking spot. A pool. A garden with a giant tree. If you have a garden and grow your own stuff you don't have to go buy it! Never gave a single fuck about gardening but if it means I can be more independent then fuck yeah.

It's gonna have a gym so I can workout whenever I want without ANYONE bothering me.

A giant bedroom with a giant bed facing the windows. So that when the sun rises it's directly in the center of the window and shining through. Maybe even a balcony with a cool coming directly from the bed.

I want secret doors and pathways just because they're awesome.

Also thought about only having sliding doors. Idk if automatic or manual but feel like they'd be a lot cooler.

Oh and don't forget the giant fence. I don't want to be bothered by anyone so have to choose a place that's far away. Although it would be problematic if I have children one day because someone has to drive them to school.

Nonetheless I have big plans. The entire thing is probably going to cost millions. But hey, why get a loan or mortgage or something for a house someone else built, if you can just use the money wisely and build your own mansion.

I don't want to take money from anywhere. Have to find a way to earn the money. I just don't like owing money. Student loan isn't much but let's say 500k or more.

Maybe get as much as I can and then get a loan for the rest. Heard with a mortgage the bank owns the house till you pay everything. I don't want that. So if I already have a majority of the money saved up and only use a little bit of money from the bank they won't have control over the house.

If I thought that through correctly. Idk this money and financial stuff is confusing af. But i gotta understand it because the more I know the better off I am. Guess i can learn about financials. Well let's see that we do something regarding the hobbies as well.

#mansion #building #uni #photography #hustle #grind #hard work #dream #goal #life goals

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kitsune-og · 4 years

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5, 8, 25, 26, 34, 57, 58, 74, 89, 95, 111, 117, 141 - connor, maxy, preston (lol enjoy)

Ye Olde Muse asks

OC: Connor Walsh

5. Tell me about your first kiss? Back when I was in Junior High, some girl was trying to steal the last chocolate milk. I knew she had a crush on me, so I went up to her, grabbed and kissed her, then stole the milk and pushed her over.

8. Do you think you’re attractive? Bitch please, of course I am. Have you seen me?

25. What do you like most about yourself? Apart from my impressive metabolism, I like my drive. I work hard towards the things that I want and I always get them.

26. What do you like least about yourself? It’s a bit of a stretch, but I hate the way I was raised. I don’t want to go into details, but my parents are shit.

34. Do you love or hate being alone? I prefer being alone, but I still like company. Having a sibling in my house has actually turned out to be pleasant.

57. What’s your morning or nightly routine? Hmm, my morning routine is getting up at 6am, having coffee and breakfast, hitting the gym by 7 and then heading to university. I don’t really have a night routine.

58. What’s your favorite genre of music? If you were to make someone a playlist that just gets you, name of songs that would be on it. I don’t have a favourite genre, but upbeat songs over 130bpm are good. My playlist would be full of workout jams and some old school rock; How You Like That - Blackpink, Stupid Love - Lady Gaga, Helena - MCR, Cherry Pie - Warrant, Poison - Alice Cooper.

74. Any kinks? Plenty. You could say I’m well versed in the kink scene.

89. What does your room look like? Pretty standard, I guess? King sized bed, guitar in the corner, overflowing drawers, TV, bookshelves stuffed with random crap. Need to get a new rug though, and more pillows.

95. What’s your strangest hobby, if you have one? That’s for me and Lissa to know.

111. What is your favorite childhood story of yourself? The time I tried to jump of my friend’s roof is pretty hilarious. His bedroom was on the second floor and you could climb out the window and chill on the roof, right above the pool. One night, hyped up on sugar and Coke, we decided to jump off the roof into the pool. I went first, landed perfectly in the deep end, managed not to break anything. He pussied out and I got my revenge by shoving him off the roof. He broke his arm.

117. What is your favorite form of self expression? I love tattoos. I have several and plans for many more.

141. Describe yourself in 6 words? Chaotic, handsome, rich, ripped, sex god.

OC: Maxy Sanchez

5. Tell me about your first kiss? Uh, my ex girlfriend Misa was my first kiss. It was really nice.

8. Do you think you’re attractive? Not really, but I’m not ugly. I’m like average.

25. What do you like most about yourself? I dunno, I guess I’m funny? My partners seem to think so.

26. What do you like least about yourself? My stupid, depressed brain.

34. Do you love or hate being alone? I hate being alone, but I don’t really have to worry about that any more, due to living with Cora.

57. What’s your morning or nightly routine? I don’t really have a routine, I just roll out of bed, have breakfast, live my life and then flop into bed at night.

58. What’s your favorite genre of music? If you were to make someone a playlist that just gets you, name of songs that would be on it. I love chill music! My playlist would be full of like Radiohead, Muse, BTS, Conan Gray, Dodie and Niall Horan.

74. Any kinks? Um, haha, yeah? I have some... Nate and Cora know them. I’m a bottom.

89. What does your room look like? It’s full of yellow and white furniture. Cora helped me add a chalkboard wall and we drew some sunflowers in one corner. Nate says my room is soft like me. I have some of his and Cora’s artwork on the walls and a bookshelf crammed full of books to read. My bed is really soft and I have piles of fluffy blankets and cushions and stuffed animals.

95. What’s your strangest hobby, if you have one? I dunno if it’s a hobby, but I kinda collect sunflower things. Anything cute with sunflowers I always wanna buy. I have a cushion, a bunch of fake sunflowers, artwork, some yellow makeup that Cora got for me that has sunflowers on it, tops, hoodies, all sorts.

111. What is your favorite childhood story of yourself? It was kind of funny when I found out that I was really badly allergic to bees. My mom took me to this flower park when I was ten and I was running around the flowers, and then all of a sudden I saw this bee hive. So I go up to it and this bee comes flying right at me, but I thought bees were cool so I just held out a flower and tried to get it to land on me. The bee comes over to my flower and then suddenly a bunch of bees are surrounding me and rubbing on me and I started getting really itchy. And then when I dropped the flower to itch my hand, I must have upset a bee because it stung me. And immediately, I just started having this really bad reaction and I was covered in hives and my face got really swollen and I couldn’t breathe properly. Luckily, my mom carries epipens because she’s allergic to almonds so I didn’t die. But since then, I’ve hated bees.

117. What is your favorite form of self expression? I love singing! I sing in the shower, when I’m tidying the house, when I’m working on uni work and I drag Cora and Nate to karaoke all the time. Cora likes to sing BTS with me and she showed me the DRR machines that have kpop.

141. Describe yourself in 6 words? Depressapuff! It’s the word I came up with for myself because I’m a depressed Hufflepuff. (I know it’s not 6 words but idk what else).

OC: Preston Haynes

5. Tell me about your first kiss? God, I hardly remember it. It was with some girl way back when, she was a terrible kisser and her lips were covered in sticky gloss.

8. Do you think you’re attractive? Yes, why wouldn’t I? I own a mirror.

25. What do you like most about yourself? I like the body I was given. It’s very well toned, attractive, slim without being too lanky.

26. What do you like least about yourself? Hm. Nothing.

34. Do you love or hate being alone? I like being alone, but I also crave affection and sex. Honestly, I’m happy either way.

57. What’s your morning or nightly routine? I don’t really have any. In the morning, I get up and have coffee, go work out, shower, come home for breakfast, have more coffee and then continue with my day. At night, I wash my face, occasionally get in a second work out and shower, and go to bed.

58. What’s your favorite genre of music? If you were to make someone a playlist that just gets you, name of songs that would be on it. Classic rock and songs to have sex to. My playlist would have songs like Back In Black - AC/DC, Under the Graveyard - Ozzy Osbourne, Enter Sandman - Metallica, Walk This Way - Aerosmith, Sex on Fire - Kings of Leon, Side to Side - Ariana Grande, Freak - Doja Cat, S&M - Rihanna.

74. Any kinks? Almost all of them. I’m a very well rounded kinkster.

89. What does your room look like? It’s currently a bit of a mess as I’ve just moved. But it has some artwork on the walls, black matching furniture, 45″ TV, a display of my favourite whips and crops, and a floor length mirror.

95. What’s your strangest hobby, if you have one? A lot of my hobbies are considered strange. But perhaps the strangest one is collecting sex toys to display.

111. What is your favorite childhood story of yourself? I don’t remember much of my childhood.

117. What is your favorite form of self expression? Tattoos and/or piercings.

141. Describe yourself in 6 words? Attractive, deathly and better than you.

#ic asks #oc: connor walsh #oc: max sanchez #oc: preston haynes #connor: headcanons #maxy: headcanons #preston: headcanons #lunakit #lunamoons #I hate connor sm lol #but i also love him

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australian-desi · 4 years

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Qurban Hua ~ Episode 1: Of Rakhis, Token White People and Mithai

So like I was playing the sims 4 and my sim’s only daughter (she has 5 kids - 4 sons, 1 daughter) just died from an accidental drowning on her eldest brother’s birthday party (but I quit without saving so she’s back to life). So that killed the whole gameplay mood. And I’ve decided to absolutely ignore my master’s degree (yes I’m going to be at uni for 5,000,000 years - fight me) I am going to liveblog both shows (Qurbaan Hua and Pavitra Bhagya coz that’s what was asked of me). My tolerance for shitty television has reduced since KZK so let’s see how long these liveblogs last....

So without further ado, here’s the first Liveblog of 2020: Qurban Hua (honestly just watching this show for Karan Jotwani’s face and physique)

Ooh we’re in the hills, with Krishna’s bhansuri and the feelzzz of sanskar

So we’re in Uttarkhand (sorry if I botched the spelling) with moustache uncle and representative white dude who has come to ‘find himself’

Do not give a damn about the religious talk (also this white dude doesn’t even know who Ram ji is, he’s just here to drink some bhang, go to a wedding, witness some poverty and go back home)

Moustache uncle is blind and we see this when he walks with a tree branch (no exaggeration) and his eyes closed. Nothing speaks ‘this person is blind’ than having them close their eyes for every shot

SO MANS ISN’T EVEN BLIND - HE’S JUST MOTHERFKN COSPLAYING TO BE A BLIND PERSON

honestly, what is this bakchodi where is my boi

Yaar ab shivji ke gaane bhi sunne padenge, kya loge main characters ko introduce karne ke liye

Ohhh he’s the head priest’s son and has become an ‘awara shehar waala’ rather than take over for his dad, who is too weak to carry the aag thaali (I do not know what it is called)

“daya aati hai mujhe Vyasji ki hassi par, pata nahi Vyasji ka launda, unki kaleje mein aag laga kar, shehar mein kaunsi aag bhuja raha hai?” So I thought what a weird dialogue, and then in the next fkn scene:

THERE’S SOMEONE LITERALLY ON FIRE AND HE’S COME TO SAVE HER

Also behen, toda dimaag laga, the fire isn’t that bad yet, her fkn arms are so loosely tied, and she has the lung capacity to scream ‘aag aag’ rather than find a better way to save herself, and save her energy and breath so she doesn’t pass out.

All these people and not one person calls the fire brigade

They call Neel instead, coz he’s invincible

Now comes a dramatic sequence of events

My man runs, unaffected by the spitting fire, there is another boi who is so happy to see him and willingly crouches just so mans can quite literally yeet himself on to the roof and break the window to save her. Not before giving some dramatic looks

A. Only her apartment was on fire, not the whole building, he could’ve easily taken the stairs. B. why was the fkn fire not spreading and C. It took him 3 seconds to get her out of that knot, so like as if she couldnt wriggle her hands out of it (maybe if she wasn’t wearing 300 chudiyas, she might’ve been able to)

I would also thank the gods they gave him winter clothing with a high neck to wear (coz nothing is hotter to me than men in high neck sweaters - it highlights their jawlines, shows off their muscles and shows how long their neck is) #FashionTipsWithAustralianDesi

OMG IT WAS A SCENE FOR A MOVIE OR SOMETHING OMG. OKAY YOU WIN FKN HELL. HINDI SERIALS: 1, AUSTRALIAN DESI: 29043284

Look how adorable he looks

“Production? sorry mera naam actually woh Neelkanth Bhatt Dhyani hai aur main baju-waale hotel mein chef hoon, mujhe laga tha aag lagi thi toh bachane aa gaya”

Hahahah, noice mans is a chef. Also his name is longer than my life. And so far, in the 3 minutes I’ve watched of him, I really like him. Let’s hope he stays that way

Let’s be real, I watched the promos, I’m going to savour whatever niceness we get of him

Okay so dude that looked at him, is the Pushkar/Rudra/Insert-comedic relief-younger-sibling, and basically said that our mans here is on a mission to save a girl every day. Wow what a hobby

“Aag, Aag, continue, aag, aag, aag, continue” hahahah he’s slowly backing out of there

Mans wants to do one good deed everyday - that’s a rare quality for a tellywood man (he does it because his sister does one good deed a day for his wellbeing - I don’t understand the logic but whatever)

OH MY FKN GOD WE HAVE AN ANJALI

She’s made a fkn shrine for him (absolutely love the pictures though)

And he calls his sister ‘Bhags’ - short for Bhagwan because she is god for him

I think these two could give Arnav-Anjali a run for their money

...And she’s preggers - and so he doesn’t want her pregnancy to have any complications so he’s going to do one good deed a day

let’s see how shit blows in their face - is it a kamina husband, a manipulative mother or a cunning father

Also gotta love how her husband is probably chilling while Neel is all like ‘MY DIDI’

No one:

Not even Neil’s fkn mother

Saraswati: NEIL IS COMING AFTER 3 MONTHS EVERYTHING MUST BE PERFECT

Welcome Saraswati Anjali

This man is completely evil. Change my mind.

So they went with the Kamina husband/brother-in-law

Who has a problem that Neel is a chef. But let’s be real he wants Neel to be a chef so he could become the head priest

I AM ONTO YOU. THIS ISN’T MY FIRST RODEO

And she’s just here to talk about the successes and accomplishments of her brother, because like Anjali, she has nothing better to do in life

Whatever her husband says goes right over my head, also it’s Saras-Wati not Sarasti

So proud of his Personal Protective Equipment. Thank god a career being shown properly

Also this looks really small and homely for an industrial kitchen

So the ‘villain’ of his life is here. Little does he know, that whether he keeps his job or not does not matter, all that matters is that his rakhi is never removed.

“Main apni behen ko bhool nahi sakta, isliye yeh rakhi agle raksha bhandhan tak, nahi utregi” ummm how bad is your memory that you forget your sister unless there’s a rakhi on your wrist????

“Mere kitchen mein yeh sab bilkul allowed nahi hai, no rings, no watches, aur yeh tacky rakhi toh bilkul nahi, afterall hygeine har cook ki responsibility hoti hai”

“Yeh rakhi toh na utregi sir,” “acha toh phir yeh jo haath mein hai, woh meri kitchen mein khaana nahi bana sakte hai”

Wow he didn’t have to call the rakhi tacky. Also like, couldn’t you have a dimaag like Arnav, and keep them in a little box, and then show your sister like “look I kept all your rakhis”

Now watch him cook with one hand, just to prove a point

TOLD YA

Also the dude seemed pretty happy with him, I would’ve been like “banda chuthiya ho gaya hai”

Also his friend is really annoying me with his overreactions to simple things

He’s saying that he’s going to make the Singoria for the ‘bhakts’ and not for his dad, coz he doesn’t think he needs to ask for an apology to follow his heart

I enjoy this content, I like this boi. At least he stands by his actions

“Shaakal ko khush karne ke liye jijaji kaafi hai” Wow the Shyam vibes from his jijaji are through the roof

He said that line like he’s plotting murder or something with the fire reflected on his face

Also can they stop with the Kedarnath soundtrack

Lol this procession is still going on, it’s been going on for like 3 days. Like, in the time Neel did his wall climbing stunt, saved a woman who was ‘on fire’, stopped a film shoot, told his whole life story and his love obsession for his sister, went through an inspection and made food for a whole restaurant while sassing his boss, and the procession is still going on

Omg no, now there’s a fkn murgi - WHICH IS ALIVE HOW IS THIS A PROBLEM, JUST MOVE IT AND CONTINUE WALKING

I mean making him slip would’ve been more fun than a fkn murgi stopping him - also its alive so how is this an apshagun? Imma skip this I cannot

NOW FKN FAKE ANJALI IS LIKE “the chicken is a mother, do not touch her eggs, she will not look after her children and then they will never be able to feel the mother-child love”

Gurl, its a chicken. Chill. If it had this much feeling, it would not let go of it’s child

Okay, here’s a wild thought - why not just walk around it

The chicken isn’t even taking over the whole step, if everyone walks in a single file, you should be able to pass the chicken

but if we use our brains how will this be a hindi serial

Man fkn hell this the problem in India, the fkn mindset that “dharm se badke aur kuch nahi hai” is2g if people move away from that thought, life would be easier

Also Sarasti is just here caressing her belly, being all like motherhood is the biggest dharm #OhSnap #MicDrop

So Vyasji has said his first lines of the show and basically whatever I’m understanding is that dharm should be a part of your life, not your whole life and disregarding emotions for your dharm is in fact the opposite of dharm. Wow the man has some sense. Also the actor looks done and does not seem into it - I do not blame him one bit

And fake Anjali is all like “yay papa is on my side - fuck you husband”

NEEL YOU FKN IDIOT, IT’S JUST A BAG COULDN’T YOU TAKE IT WITH YOU, NOW THE SANGORIA ARE GONNA GET MISPLACED I ALREADY KNOW.

ab yeh kaun hai, jo Dhoom ke set se yahan aa gaya

and he took the wrong bag - well done Neel, that’s all on you

OMG AT LEAST HE REALISED THANK GOD

Great, now he’s gonna do some Dhoom-esque stunts

How dumb is the other dude, like there’s someone that’s literally chasing you and you aren’t going to stop to ask them why

Omg he’s actually grabbing it. Is2g if the prasad is completely fine still, Imma flip

Yeh chal kya raha hai? Is the other dude literally fighting for the supposed kachoris?

Oh wow its a wamen. And here we begin the #Romance

HE LITERALLY JUST SAW HER HAIR AND IS SMITTEN - ARE YOU THAT DESPERATE MY FRIEND

Lovely, he got distracted and she’s gone off with his Sangoria

Ofcourse he’s like a girl tricked me, now it’s an ego thing. At least he’s admitting it to be an ego ting

But also like dude do you not believe women can be cunning? I mean we’re literally known for possessing that single trait

Wow look how happy she is for some Sangoria - and look how dumb she is for not questioning the dude that was chasing her as to why was he after the bag

OF-FUCKING-COURSE she had to be a social worker who helps the gareeb bachche

I gotta love how she’s like, why is there mithai here instead of kachoris - proceeds to eat them because the kids were like we like mithai

Behen, kya aap kisi ka bhi khaana leke kha leti ho?

Like why wouldn’t you put two and two together

Why would someone be ready to fight you for this mithai. Do you have any logical thinking skills?

Me when I check my results. The absolute shock horror on his face is sending me

"Tum pahadi ho?” “Haan aur sharminda bhi” “Itni der se tumhara peecha kar raha tha, tab nahi samajh aaya?” “Nahin mujhe laga koi chor badmaash hai,”

Love the logic, love that she was so ashamed that she didn’t bother to give his mithai back - what is this character

She’s literally telling him how to handle his father that she’s never met.

Dude if it was that easy, would he be this stressed?

That was quick - she had video evidence that some gunde were making these kids become beggars, and got them arrested while also making Neel feel like he did his one good deed today and she conveniently has her own childcare

Wow we have an evil maami too, and some random man wanting to kill our gurl

She’s basically saying how Neel will definitely forget to bring the bhog

Little does she know he won’t forget, he’ll just have some misfortune which will cause him to not bring it

Now poor Sarasti is bringing her dad a shawl and convincing him to go change, but him being the brown dad he is, is all like “If only your idiotic brother was here, I would be sitting on the terrace watching this pooja, looking at him proudly, but he is a nalaayak and alas I am here,”

He’s literally so salty that he wants to cook, it’s so funny, I can’t

First of all, why is everyone just taunting Sarasti about her brother’s actions, like I get how close they are but they aren’t the same person??

Now she’s saying that he’s on his way - ah little does she know, he’s distracted by a wamen

Omg he’s literally telling the story of the Prayag Pushp (a flower I think) “that only blooms when 2 true lovers meet for the first time, and no one has seen it bloom, and no one will see it bloom in this family, and with the same confidence, I am telling you your bhola will not come” wow the amount of trust in your son. I am loving it

Also like who wants to bet the flower is going to bloom when he marries this girl or when they have a dramatic meet up

“Hey bhole baba, agli baar mujhe uss theeki shezwan sauce se mat milwana” Lol is he dumb or is he dumb

OMG GOD IN THIS SERIAL IS EXTREMELY FAST. HE PRAYED 2 SECONDS BEFORE AND IN THE NEXT SECOND SHE’S IN FRONT OF HIM

She’s deaf as well, he’s literally calling her and she’s like nope, I am looking outside can only focus on one thing at a time

“Bache hai kya, joh window seat ke liye itne excited ho rahe hai” “Sifaljiya kahi ka” Okay I’m loving the banter but also have no idea what she just called him

“Kya kaha tumne? Kaunsi bhasha mein gaali di?” “Mars pe boli jaati hai yeh zubaan, gaye ho kabhi?”

People I ship it!

“Lokhar ka sir hai kya tumhaara?” This idiot

Oh good its these ainvayi ke gunde, mans is never going to reach home in this decade

And they’re on the bus to beat her? Very normal

And ofcourse this our mans’ good deed of the day

“Kya ho gaya bhai ji? Koi takleef?” Love this man so much. The sass and the politeness how does he do it?

“Teri saki lagti hai kya?” “Meri patni hai yeh” wow man, like honestly dost bol deta, behen bol deta. Nahi she is now my wife for rescuing purposes (what an Omkara thing to do)

OMG YES THEIR BACKGROUND SCORE IS KURBAAN HUA FROM KURBAAN - I LOVE THAT SONG

So the episode ends here and wow this took so long to do coz they decided to make the episode 40 minutes long. So far I like it. I just wish the girl becomes smarter (also what even is her name?)

#Qurbaan Hua #Karan Jotwani

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pondernce · 6 years

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Behind Closed Doors

Hi!

So this is the first thing I’ve written in almost 5 years, and the first for Outlander. (be kind to me). I hope you like it, and much love to @julesbeauchamp for her support <3

Jamie and Claire meet again in less than ideal circumstances...

Chapter 1

He could feel her hands on him, soft, delicate fingers tracing the planes of his back. They danced over scar tissue--the groves hewn into his skin by force--healing the wounds for him. Her mouth dipped to caress his jaw, the feathery brush of lips chased by soft, humid breath. A kiss on his neck. His Adam’s Apple. The juncture where sternocleidomastoid met trapezius. For a moment he let his eyes close, lost in the sensation. She found his mouth then, her legs winding over his hips and guiding him, urging him on.

Immersed in her, the gentle sound of the crashing waves was lost to him. He pressed up onto his hands, wrenching his mouth away because he needed to see her, needed to find those eyes…

Jamie woke up.

His heart raced, his skin was damp with sweat and he was uncomfortable stiff in his pants. As he was every time he remembered. And he always woke before he could see her face again. Aye, he could call her to his mind’s eye and he’d drawn her a dozen dozen times, but nothing so vivid as those dreams. The sketches were never quite right, and he knew that if he could only see her face in those dreams, he’d be able to capture her likeness completely.

With a sigh bordering on a groan, Jamie sat up and glanced at his phone. Five in the morning wasn’t too early, he supposed. At least it gave him time for a workout before he headed to university. A chance to get the nerves out. For some, perhaps, university was an unnerving step into adulthood. Leaving home, moving into a new place, the excitement of newfound independence. But Jamie had already made his move. From Highland Scotland to the Middle East, with the RAF. He couldn’t look forward to seeing what lads and lasses barely out of their A-levels would make of “adulthood” when they had no real responsibilities yet. And what would they make of him?

The streets of London were hardly quiet at this hour, but they were remarkably empty, and that’s what Jamie needed. A place to clear his head- to get her out of his head- before hustling through the crowded halls of King’s College, London. He jogged through the streets of Southwark, dodging the odd dog walker or early commuter. His route to King’s wouldn’t be long, thankfully. His military salary afforded him a nice enough flat close to the school, just across the river. He shared it with another Scot, Rupert, whom he’d served with in Afghanistan. It was a small mercy that Rupert spent almost all his time at his lass’ flat. The bloke was cheerful, but a bit too much sometimes.

Rounding the corner, Jamie checked the time on his FitBit and pushed his pace up, aiming to finish out five kilometers before he made it home. It wouldn’t due to be late for his first course though, even if his schedule for the day of Legal Philosophy and Medical Ethics hardly seemed interesting.

---

Legal philosophy could have been interesting, if the professor hadn’t put half the class to sleep. Jamie wasn’t surprised though, given that the majority couldn’t have been more than 18. High off being in Uni and hardly interested in what the ancient man before them had to say about the foundations of Legalism. The two girls next to him hardly paid attention, too busy giggling. He recognized the blonde from orientation, and she clearly recognized him.

Throughout the lecture he took diligent notes, only to avoid the girl’s eyes. The former soldier nearly bolted when the course ended.

He had nearly two hours before his next course, and plans to meet that bloke from the Rugby team. He’d gone out before orientation, trying to find some way to get involved. Many veterans struggled in university to find community, and he hoped he wouldn’t be another statistic.

“Fraser!”

He turned, smiling over a few startled students to see John Grey speed walking towards him. He was young, but Jamie found he didn’t mind that energy, John seemed a good person.

Smiling, he bumped the shorter man gently on the shoulder. “Good to see ye, I hope yer class wasn’t as boring…”

“Haven’t had class yet, just came early to grab lunch with you. We have practice this afternoon, you know? You’re welcome to come.”

Jamie glanced at his phone and shook his head. “Medical Ethics,” he sighed, “can ye tell I’m keen?” he laughed and shook his head. He wanted to get a background in law before he tried to leap into counter terrorism, and how did medicine relate to that?

“Pity. I hope it’s interesting.”

“I doubt it.”

Jamie didn’t mean to be cynical about university. It was supposed to be an opportunity to make something of himself after his medical discharge. Only, he found it overwhelmingly uncomfortable. And pointless. When he’d been in the war, reviewing briefings and in charge of his men, everything had been urgent. Learning on the fly, under pressure, where attention meant life or death. Here, he had the feeling he’d never need to attend to do well. It was disheartening.

His mind drifted as they ate. His fingers itched for his sketchbook, idle in his book bag. Jamie has taken up the hobby in the barracks, well before he met his muse. But the last two Moleskins had been interspersed with pages devoted to her. It had been a year, he knew he needed to let go. But he couldn’t yet.

“Jamie,” John’s voice cut into his thoughts, jarring the plans for how he’d shade the moonlight dappled on her skin from his thoughts.

“Och, Sorry. What was it ye we’re saying?”

John pursed his lips with that good natured shake of the head Jamie had already come to realize was a habit. “We should get going to class, where’s your head, man?”

The scot blushed, rubbing his hand against the back of his neck with a laugh. “Nothing, sorry. I didn’t sleep well, ye ken?” It wasn’t quite a lie, given he almost never slept well, or the medically recommended amount. With a small nod he grabbed their rubbish, scolding himself internally on the short walk to the bin.

Jamie knew better. He wanted to make something of himself that wasn’t available in the military, and that’s why he was here. He’d done the work, networked with other former soldiers already working for MI5 and in the government, learned what he needed to do if he wanted to work against domestic terrorism. But university should also be for himself, shouldn’t it? A change to live a bit of a normal life, to decompress after so much time at war. He knew he was lucky to even be back in the UK, let alone at a prestigious university. With a sigh and a quick shake of his head, he returned to John.

“I’ll be at practice after my class eh, make it up to you. Ye free for a pint after?” He grabbed his bag and fell into step alongside the shorter man, making a mental note of their plans as John went off about something on the news that morning. His brother was running for Parliament and the whole family had been in politics for centuries. Perhaps someday Jamie would be able to take advantage of such a connection, but presently he just needed the company.

They parted ways at one of the newer campus buildings, all shiny glass and stone. London was like that--an eclectic mix of modern and tradition that had Jamie missing Scotland more than foreign shores ever had. He’d not been home in years, and never truly wanted to go back. At least not yet.

“Excuse me,” he shoulder his way through a gaggle of students in the corridor, looking for the correct room. “104, 106… Christ.” 108 had to be the smallest room in the building, if not on the bloody campus. He’d failed to realize that the modern building connected to one of the oldest buildings, where the rooms became cramped cubicles of stone with sharply pointed windows, more reminiscent of a church than a university. The floor was old oak pitted and polished by centuries of steps, and Jamie could almost trace the path to one of the few available seats left. He was a large bloke--a fact which became abundantly clear as he settled behind the old fashioned desk. His knees knocked against the tabletop when he tried to sit up, forcing him to fold them awkwardly over the side. “Bit cramped, aye?” He joked quietly, meeting the eyes of a petite girl watching him. She flushed violently and nodded, stuttering over her reply.

“It-It’s a small course,” she shrugged finally, milky eyes darting back to her phone.

Jamie hummed, his own phone lost in the bottom of his bag after he got off the tube. After the military he apparently lacked the addiction to smartphones present in the rest of his generation. Or perhaps he was just old. Stretching his legs, he inadvertently cracked his back and sighed in relief, twisting to traction the other side just as another student walked in.

He froze, tracking her steps as she came into the small room. Slightly flustered, curls escaping her high bun and dragging over the material of her lightweight olive jumper, and her arms full of files and textbooks, she was unmistakably the same woman. His muse. Jamie traced every line of her, the smooth curves he knew with his hands and his pencil. He watched the long arc of her graceful neck, so pale and flawless against her dark hair. He couldn’t see her eyes, not yet, and the desire to almost had him squirming in his seat. So distracted was he that he failed to notice she hadn’t taken one of the available seats.

His muse had set down her books at the front of the room, shrugged off her camel overcoat and tossed it carelessly over the podium, carved her name into the ancient chalkboard in neat print, and now stood before them all, introducing the course.

His muse was a professor. His muse was his professor.

The name that had been absent from his syllabus and his memories stared mockingly back at him, stark white on deep green. Dr. Claire Beauchamp.

#my fic #behind closed doors #jamie & claire #prof/student au #if you catch a typo let me know!!#outlander #outlander fanfic #outlander fic

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