#my parents got divorced when i was like nine and literally NOTHING about my life changed my dad hung around the house all the time

[br1ghtestlight]

my parents are divorced/seperated but my childhood was very atypical so i didnt exactly have the stereotypical divorced parents dynamic that was in this episode BUT i could still appreciate it :) my parents usually get along alright (as well as two very mentally ill homeless drug addicts could get along) and it was nice to see that rudy's mom and dad seem to get along pretty well too and both clearly care for their kid. pretty sick of divorced parents in media always hating each other and trying to get Back at each other when there are many many reasons that people could get divorced and it doesn't always mean they dislike each other or dont care for each other in another way. sometimes people just aren't compatible

[jonphaedrus]

how to convince multiple corroborating witnesses you time travelled

i happened to tell an unrelated story to some friends last night and there came a request for "how on earth did your father convince you that he was capable of time travel" and the answer to that one was "sheer fucking audacity and a natural charisma score of about six billion, as well as the fact that my father has never been on time for anything. ever. in his life." my stepmother even calls it "running on dave time" because it's so ubiquitous.

here are some examples for you. last month my dad came to visit us, and the day he was supposed to be driving here i called him and said "so where are you right now?" and he replied "oh, i haven't left yet." it was at that point 4 in the afternoon and he was supposed to be maybe two hours out. i was like "...uh" and his explanation was "my mother wanted me to do some stuff and i didnt do it earlier this week so im doing it tonight" (the adhd time blindnes Really is). he missed an entire whole-ass plane flight because he was running so late over the summer, but because he has weird small magic they casually rerouted him through denver to san francisco and he met his students at the gate on their way to tokyo and they hadnt had him on the flight over to san francisco and were like "...what??? how did you get here?" dont worry about it.

the time that sticks out to me most of dave time is when i was about nine and there was a party for some family friends we were going to that started at 1pm. i was at my mother's house that weekend, so he was picking me up there. at 1230 he called me and said "okay im on my way now."

nothing.

at 1 he calls and says "im just leaving now."

nothing.

he calls at 115. "im going out the door, i am walking out the door right now." at 130 "i've just gotten in the car." at 2 "i'm actually in the car, i'm starting the car" at 230 "i am driving, right now, i'm driving."

he shows up at 3pm. this is pretty standard dave behavior.

my parents had the most contentious litigious divorce you could imagine—they were in legal arbitration, like, actively in court, for fifteen straight years, from the day their divorce was finalized until the day the decree expired when i graduated high school, because my mother would find basically any excuse to do anything and then right back they'd go. as a part of this divorce, they had 90s split custody—certain nights with either parents, weekends back and forth, etc.

one problem with this was that my father was congenitally incapable of getting me to school on time. ever. i reached the point where it became an issue they took to court, because i had so many tardy days in elementary school i was going to get counted as truant, so it was ESSENTIAL my dad get me to school on time.

one night, a friend slept over at my house on a school night, and we reminded him again and again WE HAVE TO GET TO SCHOOL ON TIME IN THE MORNING!!! WE HAVE TO GET UP AT 7!!! and he was like yes right okay we have to (i dont know why i didnt own an alarm clock at his house as a child. this is very adhd of him. he of course also does not own an alarm clock, to this day. he could theoretically use his phone but... uh. he doesn't know how to use his phone) and so we went to bed and woke up—

at 8.

school started at 745.

massively panicked, knowing we were going to be in SO MUCH TROUBLE if we were late, we rushed out of the house. my father, meanwhile, was cool as a cucumber—SOMEHOW. usually he would have been freaking out too, but he was like no, we got this.

you see, he'd been keeping a secret weapon on hand, just in case. ready to deploy when his need was most dire. and this was... that he knew how to time travel.

if literally any other human being had said that to us, i think we both would've laughed in their face.

my friend and i, of course, knew my father. we looked at each other. we looked at him.

we recognized that this was more plausible than we necessarily wanted to admit.

he was always late for everything but never got into trouble and always somehow made it just on time enough it wasn't a big deal. he could magic up stories that were so unbelievable nobody could possibly make them up. he'd been all over the world. if anybody could time travel, it was my dad.

so into the car we get. it's 8:15 now according to the clock, and we gotta go, we gotta RUSH. so we do rush, driving all the way across the city to school. he explains that the magic spell requires several components.

we must be in the nicer of the two old cars (the 1988 subaru outback, as has been mentioned previously as being the car we sold to later buy the car that almost exploded), so we take the white car, because the grey car is too old to be able to time travel any more, its engine couldn't take the abuse. we must drive a weird way to get to school, because this only works when you're going a certain speed, and the only highway that lets you go that speed is a little bit out of the way, but don't worry, we aren't risking anything by going further east than we normally would—we need to go 70mph. we must be listening to this specific classical radio station. and, most importantly of all, we must drive under this bridge. this one specific bridge. my dad, of course, needs his eyes on the road, so can me & my friend watch out the windows and tell him the INSTANT we're about to pass under the bridge so he can make the time travel happen?

honestly even now (at 28, not 8) i could believe this amount of setup has some very specific powers. it's well thought out, it has a solid amount of backup in place, there's specific somatic and verbal components, and it all fits into the logic train of "my father is a perfectly normal human being". my friend and i, of course, know he could just change the car clock, but this isn't likely to happen because my father doesn't actually know how to change the car clock (he still doesn't).

so we get to the bridge, we press our faces against the glass, and my dad says "okay get ready here we go!" and he guns the engine to speed just over speed limit past and under the bridge. there's a frisson of unbelievable energy. we gasp.

we get out the other side of the bridge and my dad looks at the clock and says "oh no. it might not've worked. the car clock is still wrong" so we start panicing again. he's like "okay, well, we'll have tried anyway, and so even if it didn't work we tried".

we pull up at school at 8:30, almost AN HOUR LATE, and my friend and i RUSH into the building, expecting to get tardy slipped... except there's no tardy slip person. none of the classroom doors are closed.

the clocks all say it's 7:30.

we look at each other. we stare. we look at the clocks. we look back at where my dad has driven away. this cannot possibly be true, right? there's no way my dad was able to go back in time.

and yet... we're early for school. a thing that has never happened to either of us, probably, in our lives.

we RUSH down the hall to our classrooms, find the rest of our friends, and start yelling our heads off about how MY FATHER JUST TIME TRAVELLED BACKWARDS IN TIME BY AN HOUR. our friends, of course, have never seen me on time on a day my dad had me, ever, and my toher friend who was with me was also always late, so they were like "what??? HOW DID YOU TWO GET HERE ON TIME???" and this... this has to be the only plausible explanation, right? there's no way my dad would get us to school on time. there had to be time travel involved.

and it wasn't even the day we had to change the clocks back. so that's not an explanation, either. it was december! totally wrong time of year!

and yet... my father time travelled.

i ran into this friend again YEARS later in high school after we'd lost contact and she was like "remember when your dad made us time travel" and i was like "oh god yeah did that really happen" and she was like "how the fuck did he do that." and we sat there, wondering. for hours. how the fuck did he do that??? because it totally happened, we both witnessed it, and he never did it again. so...

after i graduated from high school i finally asked my dad how the fuck he had managed to pull of time travel. i'd gone over all the plausible explanations with my friend—was that the day we'd changed the clocks back? no, it was december. had he snuck into my bedroom and turned the clock forward? no, that wouldn't make any sense, he's not capable of being sneaky or quiet. had he actually time travelled? obviously not.—and we'd finally just been like "well, it's dave. only explanation is it's dave"

the explanation?

in order to combat his terrible, terrible time blindness, my father had decided to not turn the clocks back and leave them all running so it looked like it was an hour ahead of what time it actually was, since this meant he'd actually make it places on time. if he always thought he was an hour late, he'd end up getting there right on time!

so he hadn't turned a single clock in his house or his car back. he'd left them all running an hour ahead. when we woke up in a panic he just started laughing at us, telling us we were running late and everything, because he knew we were, in fact, early! since we were so scared, though, he decided to give us something fun to make up for worrying us, and invented the whole time travel shtick off the cuff. given how much fun we had, and how it had stayed with us, he was just glad it had ended up "working"

that all said though?

........... i do still kind of think my dad might actually be able to time travel.

[kooktrash]

Maybe LMLM couple disagreement about kids 🫣 but they learn to work it out 🤭

ok so first, thx for sending a request in <3 second the thought of kids literally grossed me out but that’s just me, to each their own. so I tried writing this in a way that they’d disagree bc honestly neither jk or y/n seem like the type to think far into their future like this NEVERTHELESS, I tried my best but if you hate it I get it :’)

DRABBLE FOR: leave me love me

“So when do you plan on moving forward in your relationship now that you’ve moved in together? Can we see a wedding ring soon? How many children will you have?”

That’s what’s started the most awkward argument you’d ever had with Jungkook. You were still walking on eggshells since the show, too scared to really argue and it’s almost like you’ve regressed. You’re not using sex as an outlet for your anger you’re just bottling up inside but this time it’s all coming out again. It made you anxious to think you were upsetting Jungkook but you wouldn’t change your mind.

“I don’t want kids.”

“I don’t want to get married.”

It was definitely awkward for the ones who asked and they all had another question in mind: So why are you still together then? You and Jungkook got home after that dinner both in a bad mood. He was just the first to try and talk about it. He cleared his throat awkwardly, “How did I not know you don’t want kids?”

“Do you?” You asked with a small laugh. He shrugged, “I wouldn’t mind one in a couple years. A mini you or me crawling around.”

“Yeah that’s easy for you to say, you don’t have to carry the damn thing for nine months,” you muttered. Jungkook looked at you, his brows scrunched together and a tense jaw, “Yeah but… I don’t know, I’d want to start a family soon. I’m already 25.”

“Well I’m not staring a family with someone if we’re not going to get married,” you shrugged, “I’m not trying to be a single parent, I’m not cut out for that.”

“But marriage is just a piece of paper,” Jungkook argued following you into the kitchen as you made yourself a post dinner snack. He had to be careful with the way he spoke, it’s only been a couple weeks since the show. It had been like a honeymoon phase for you two all over again, filled with love and care. He’s pretty sure that mood is over and you’re back to your usual selves. That’s why you’re both trying really hard to avoid an argument. Still, he’s hurt you don’t want to start a family with him.

“Most marriages end in divorce so it’s really unnecessary. I love you and you know I do so why do we need to even think about that?” He asked.

“Because we’re talking about starting a family here,” you reputed back at him, “You think I want to ruin my body for a child with a man who can’t even marry me?”

“Okay but having a child is about creating a life with someone, we’ll always be together like that,” he said coming to stand behind you as you washed your dishes. His hands trapped you in the space between them and he rested his head on your shoulder, “Plus, baby making will be fun.”

“Like I said, I’m not going to have a child unless I’m married with a stable income,” you told him simply, “Besides, I don’t want one of those. Do you know how messy they are? We’ve got two dogs already, what’s gonna happen when we add a newborn baby to the mix? We live in a small apartment with pets, please just try and be logical.”

Honestly you’re very proud of yourselves right. He had yet to call you a bitch and you’ve yet to tell him you hate him. You’re not sure how much the show actually helped you two but it’s definitely traumatized you. Jungkook’s been one of the very few constants in your life even when you were broken up and the thought of actually losing him scared you shitless. He made it clear that if you broke up during the show you weren’t going to get back together again. It wasn’t necessarily a threat but more so a promise. And it was true, if not even being forced to talk about your problems, nothing would ever change. So once the show ended you’ve decided that if the time came that you would break up—it’d be for good.

You didn’t want that and neither did he but you also don’t think you two should be asked every time you got out with friends, if you’re getting married or thinking about kids. Like could they at least let you two figure out your own problems before you think about permanent life changes like that? Sure, Jungkook might be ready for a child but he’s also always been more impulsive than you. Right now he’ll he wants kids but maybe when you’re six months pregnant, having mood swings, cramps, cravings, maybe he’ll be tired of all the fuss already. He could barely put up with your mood swings now, imagine when you’re pregnant, yeah no thanks. You’re already a little insecure about the way you look and it might be selfish but you don’t want to give birth or be pregnant.

It’s not that you didn’t want kids, you did but not now, and not without committing to each other fully. He kissed your shoulder blade snapping you out of your thoughts, “What are you thinking?”

“I just… can we just work on ourselves first and then decide what we want to do? Like couple’s therapy or something? Make sure it’s something we really wa—“

“But it is something I really want and I want it with you, I just don’t see why we have to wait. Do you just not want a future wi—no, that’s now what I’m trying to say,” he cut himself off as he pulled away from you in thought, “Do you not want kids at all, or… do you not want kids with me?”

You turned to look at him, turning off the water and giving him a good look, “I… don’t want to think about kids right now. I want to think about us.”

“Okay, but I don’t want this to be another argument we get back to in a couple months,” Jungkook said with a small pout.

“Well clearly we can’t make up our minds Jungkook so we need to compromise on what we want,” you told him walking away to the living room.

“So you want to get married first?” Jungkook asked again following after you. You shrugged making him sigh, “Come on baby, don’t go silent on me. Yes or no?”

“I mean I would want to but not if I have to beg you to marry me,” you told him honestly. He looked down at you as he moved to sit on the couch. He reached across for you and dragged you into his side while he took the remote, “Alright so let’s get engaged then.”

“Well that’s not a really romantic proposal—“

“Not now, I mean once we’re ready. Once we go to therapy, work our own stuff out, let’s get engaged…” Jungkook cleared his throat, “I get where you’re coming from especially being the one who’ll have to carry a pregnancy so I’m going to compromise. If we at least get engaged—when the time’s right—then let’s look at possibly having a child? Hell, adoption or even fostering.”

You let out a small sigh, “I just don’t want to make any plans if you and I aren’t… I don’t know.”

“I mean come on, it’s either that or we grow old together in some little condo by the River with our dogs,” Jungkook shrugged with a smile, “I can do anything if it’s with you. And I really want it to be with you.”

You looked up at him making him send you an air kiss making you smile even as you rolled your eyes, “This feels weird… we’re not yelling or anything.”

“Do you want me to?” He asked with a playful smirk. You pushed him away making him laugh as he held you tighter, “But good, I don’t want either of us yelling unless it’s my name coming out of your pretty mouth when I’m going down on you.”

“Do you ever not think about sex?”

“Im not thinking about sex, I’m thinking about you,” he shrugged, “Plus all this baby making talk has me excited. Not saying we’ve got to mix ingredients yet but we can at least pretend like you’re not on birth control and I’m not wearing a condom.”

“Ah so is this really about kids or about cumming inside,” you joked turning to him as he made a face lost in thought.

“Both? I mean yeah I want kids but right now I want you so much more.” To state his point further he was crawling over you forcing you into the couch as you groaned in feigned annoyance. He hugged you like a damn koala bear just because he thought it was funny the way engulfed you with his size.

“I can’t breathe,” you wheezed out patting him to get up, “You don’t want to suffocate your future baby mama, do you?”

“You’ve swallowed enough of my kids that you’re already my baby mama—“ you pushed him off making him fall to the floor, “Shut up, let’s take a bath.”

“Yes mom!”

::.

also idk; do I hate this? maybe? maybe not? is this domestic boyfriend jk? yeah

[camaro-and-smokes]

Just humour me, ok? - Is She for Real? Part 5

Warnings: Heavy angst Characters: Billy Hargrove, Steve Harrington, OFC Tags: Angst, feels, OH THE FEELS, hurt

Links to all chapters on tumblr on Part 1 >>

Read on AO3 >>

::::::::::

"So, Allison, can I just run it by you once more so that I'm sure I got it right?” Billy snarled.

Allison took a deep breath.

"Just humour me, OK? So. If I as a man am with a woman and we're married, and we decide to make a baby, we get to be parents. Right? Even if I would do nothing but beat my wife and the kid? It's still my kid, right? Even if I'm put to jail, the kid is still mine."

"Billy..." Steve started.

Billy looked at Steve sharply, pointing a shaking finger at him. "Steve. Shut the fuck up."

He turned back to look at Allison. "OK. So the same goes if I'm married to a woman and we want to adopt. More or less the process goes so that there's a kid who needs a home, we sign the papers and go home happy with a child. Even if it turns out that for some fucking reason we end up divorcing, the mother gets the kid, she becomes a drunk, and the kid lives a miserable life since age seven up until eighteen when she or he can move away from home. It's still their adopted kid. Right?"

"Mister Hargrove..." Allison tried to start.

"No, no, no, I'm not done yet,” Billy hissed, the words flying out of his mouth with a vengeance. “Now, here we have a situation where two adults, who have lived together for nine years, who love each other and who have decided to live together for the rest of their lives, are looking for adopting a kid. They have steady jobs with relatively good pay, they own a house, and have healthy lifestyles, in average, and they both love kids. With them any kid would be loved and cherished from day one until the end of time. And they're literally willing to give a home to anyone who needs it. What they don't have, is a permission to marry each other, and that's because they both happen to like men. So, in this case, when I'm together with my partner here looking for a chance to give a loving home to any kid who needs one, I'm suddenly not suitable to be an adoptive parent to anyone. Can you see my problem?"

"Billy, this doesn't change any--" Steve tried to calm Billy down.

"Shut up, Steve!" Billy snapped. He kept his gaze locked at Allison. "Because I just can't wrap my head around the fact that in order me becoming a suitable parent it seems, that I would have to like to fuck women or marry one, even though neither of those things tell anything about how good of a father I would be." He shook in anger and clenched his fists. "And I know that I would be at least half decent, because I could never hit my child." The last words came out bitterly, accompanied by a big tear, that he swiftly wiped away. He took his jacket and stormed out of the office, slamming the door shut behind him, making both Allison and Steve flinch.

Steve shook his head. “I'm so sorry. He's--this has been very emotional ride for us both. And he wears his heart on his sleeve.”

“I understand,” Allison replied. “I'm sorry too.”

Steve took a deep breath. “Do you know if there's any other option for us to try?”

Allison sighed and interlaced her fingers, leaning her arms on the desk. "I know how important this is to you. I see a lot of applicants who have half the heart in the process than you two do. But our office can't help you with finding a child to be adopted by you. It's just not possible, not after an application is refused. I know it's wrong because, honestly, I think you two would make wonderful parents. I mean that.”

“Well, OK, uh, I thank you for everything you've done. You've been nothing but helpful. And I really am sorry about Billy's outburst.”

“It's alright. He's not the first person to do that. People tend to get very emotional here. Do you need me to call you a cab?”

“No, thanks,” Steve said as he got up and donned his jacket. “Billy will cool off and he'll come back to pick me up. I'll wait for him at the cafe next door.”

Billy came back an hour later and parked the Camaro in front of the office.

Steve walked to the car and sat on the passenger seat.

“Are you OK?” he asked as Billy took the car into the traffic.

“No, I'm not OK.”

“I mean, have you cooled off?”

“For now.”

“Babe, maybe there's still a chance--”

Billy shot a finger at Steve, keeping his eyes on the traffic. “Do not, I repeat, do not say it.”

Steve raised his hands in a placative gesture. “OK, babe. I won't.”

They remained silent all the way home, and the silence continued when they got there.

When they went in Billy walked straight upstairs. Steve remained downstairs and looked up the stairs after Billy. He heard Billy close the door of the room where he had all his stuff. Steve pondered if he would do more good or bad if he went upstairs. When he heard a scream and mirrors shattering he knew that maybe he'd wait just a moment longer, and then take the bin with him upstairs.

Fifteen minutes later Steve went upstairs with a bin and a broom and knocked on the smaller room's door. When there was no reply, he opened it ajar and peeked in. Billy had broken all three full-size mirrors Steve had bought him when they had moved into the house. They had been shopping for drawers, and Billy had checked himself in one of the sample mirrors each time they'd passed it. So, Steve had decided to buy Billy three of them so that he could see himself from all angles in case he wanted to. Billy had blushed and tried to stop him from asking the clerk to get three mirrors delivered. When the mirrors had arrived, Billy had taken him in front of them so that they both had seen themselves throughout, on all angles. Now the room floor was covered with shards. Billy was sitting on the floor under an open window, smoking. His knuckles were bleeding, so Steve left the bin and went to the bathroom to get some bandage and something to clean the wounds with.

He came back with the supplies and sat next to Billy on the floor. "Hand," he said when he had the peroxide ready.

Billy obeyed silently. He winced at the liquid stinging when it touched the wounds, but remained otherwise emotionless as Steve cleaned the wounds and bandaged them.

This is how it always was. Billy breaking himself, and Steve putting him back together, better than new. Steve just hoped that he could stitch Billy back from this blow, too, but he wasn't at all sure he'd manage this time.

"Babe?" he asked.

Billy said nothing.

Steve took Billy's hand in his, and after a while Billy squeezed it. Hard. Steve looked at him, and saw tears streaking on his face. Steve got up pulling Billy up with him. They sat on a small couch in the back of the room and Billy fell on his lap, crying big, ugly sobs.

"I'm so sorry, firecracker," Steve managed to whisper before his own tears started falling on Billy's hair.

When finally all of their tears were spent for the night, they remained on the couch, even though it didn't quite fit two men properly.

"Do you want something to eat?" Steve asked quietly. “You haven't eaten anything the whole day, I guess? You never eat properly when you're expecting something. You went for a run in the morning, you must've spent all your energy by now.”

"I'm not hungry."

"OK. What if...” Steve tried to think of something that could make Billy feel better. “What if we took a shower? It might make you feel better. I know I could do with one. Just a shower, nothing else, OK?"

After a while Billy nodded, and they got up.

Steve let the water run until the bathroom started to fill with steam. There was nothing erotic in their intimacy in the warm shower. They hugged, and Steve washed gently Billy's hair, then his own, and Billy's back, and then they hugged again. When the water started to cool, telling them the boiler was empty, they got out.

"Do you now want something to eat?" Steve asked again.

Billy nodded.

"OK. I'll see what we have in the fridge."

Steve made them eggs, because there was nothing else left in addition to some mayonnaise. He remembered that he had thought of getting groceries after the meeting at the adoption office, but when the meeting had changed everything for them, he'd forgotten all about it.

He looked at Billy, who was picking at his food. He didn't remember seeing Billy this broken in a long time. Maybe on one of the nights when Billy had come to Steve's after Neil had probably, yet again, come up with some new sadistic way to humiliate his son. When Billy had seen Steve, Billy had broken into tears, and Steve had just held him the six hours he'd been there. Steve didn't know to this day what Neil had done then, but he knew how much it hurt Billy.

"I'll call in sick in the morning. I can call to the workshop too, if you want."

"OK."

[my-friends-in-bantry]

Cory McBrown: Year 2 - Chapter 3

16th of December, 2002

First day of the last week of school before Christmas break.

Sam, John, and I go into English class. We all got A’s on the book reports we did last week. Our new assignment is to write a five page essay on what our parents mean to us.

I don’t know what to do with that. My mum is the only parent who’s really been there for me. Edward is my stepdad. I suppose he counts, but I’ve never really thought of him that way. He’s basically just Mum’s live-in boyfriend to me. He is Jenny’s father, but he’s not mine. My own left when I was six so I don’t know what he means to me, or what he might have meant to me had he stayed. Bart has sort of been a half parental half sibling figure to me since my dad left. But in the context of this essay, I don’t know if he counts.

And what about Sam and John? Their parents died when they were three. Since then they’ve had numerous foster parents. I think the Conways are their sixth.

We discuss this at the lunch table. “I just don’t know what to do here.” John says. “I don’t have any memory of my parents.”

“Really?” I say.

John shakes his head. “I guess I could write about the Conways, but I don’t really think of them as parents. Actually, your Mum is more like a second parent. To me, at least.”

Sam nods. “I know how you feel. I remember our parents a little, but not much. I don’t know that I remember enough to fill an entire essay.”

Trudy comes to our table. “Are you guys talking about the assignment?”

John nods. “I don’t know what to write, because I don’t remember my parents at all.”

Trudy rubs John’s shoulders. “I know.”

“I don’t know what to write because I really only have parent to write about.” I say.

Trudy nods. “Aye, me too. Ever since my mum ran off with that guy to Argentina, I really only feel like I have one parent.”

Sam looks at everyone. “Wait a minute… What if we wrote about what we were just talking about?”

“How do you mean?” John asks.

“Write about how we don’t have conventional situations with our parents.”

“Is conventional anyone’s reality?” I say.

“‘70s sitcoms would have you believing that.” John says.

“I think you have a really good idea, Sam.” Trudy says. ‘I can even write about how my Da showed up for me when Mum left.”

Sam nods. “I could write about what little I remember about Mum and Da. I remember them being good parents. They were loving and attentive.”

“Maybe I write about how I feel about our different foster homes.” John posits.

I sit there, thinking. “What’ll you write about, Cory?” Sam asks me.

“I don’t know. My Mum is the parent I feel is always there for me, but Bart has sometimes held a parental role in my life.” I say.

“So write about that.” Sam suggests.

I nod, musing as we finish lunch.

That night, I attempt to write my essay, but nothing’s really coming to mind. Why did my parental life have to be so complicated? Mum and Dad divorce, Mum gets remarried. Dad isn’t even in the picture. Older brother takes on a parental role.

This is why I do not want to get involved in romantic relationships. I don’t want to create a situation so tangled and messed up for a kid. Maybe I’ll meet someone one day who’s willing to donate their sperm and that’ll be it. Or I’ll go to a sperm bank. I’ve always wanted to be a mum. Like, since I was four. I actually pretended to birth one of my stuffed animals. It was a girl. The animal was a moose. I still have it. If she were a real kid, she’d be nine. If I could have that without the messy relationship part, that’d be my ideal.

17th of December, 2002

Yikes! It’s cold today! It’s so cold that as I write this in my math class (aye, I know, I should be paying attention to the class), I’m literally wearing my coat over my uniform and my mittens on my hands. I’m literally just doodling words because math is so boring!

Whoops! I missed something important, I think. The teacher’s calling on people…

False alarm. They didn’t call on me. The bell rings, and I rush out. Math is just not my subject.

In the hall, Bart meets up with us. “Hey guys, I gotta do some errands today, so I can’t walk home with you. You guys okay walking home today?”

“What kind of errands?” I tease.

“Nothing to do with you.”

I nod sarcastically. “Uh huh.”

“It’s not. I’m shopping for Mum. Now shush. Are you guys okay to get home?”

“Aye, Bart. We should be fine.” Sam says.

“But it’s cold!” John says.

Sam gives him a funny look. “Do you think it’ll be any less cold if Bart walks with us?”

John doesn’t answer right away. “I guess not.”

Bart nods. “Alright. I’ll see you at home, then.”

Bart starts to leave. “Wait, but we have one more class,” I say.

Bart looks back. “I know, but I’m not gonna see you when you get out. I’ll see you later.”

He leaves. I look at Sam and John. They shrug. And off to Civics we go. It’s better than math, but it’s not my most favorite subject.

We get out of school, and the three of us bundle up tight.

John shivers. “I think you should’ve called your Mum to come get us.”

“She’s working.” I say. ‘She had an evening class.”

“Speaking of which, do you want to go home or to the Health Center?” Sam asks.

I think for a moment as we walk. “Well… Home has hot chocolate.”

Sam nods. “Good choice.”

“Besides, I’m not in the mood for doing yoga today. I’d rather curl up with some hot chocolate and A Very Merry Pooh Year.”

John perks up. “Ooh! I love that movie!”

“Then let’s get home and watch it.” I say.

We continue to walk through town near our neighborhood, and when we’re a few minutes from home, something- rather someone catches my eye. A boy of about 14, maybe, leaning against the outside of a liquor store across the street. He looks a little worse for wear. His clothes are dark and disheveled. He looks kind of thin, too, and his dark hair is messy and in his eyes. He’s struggling to keep warm in the baggy coat he’s wearing. I see him light up what looks like a joint, which is confirmed when I catch a whiff of it in the cold, December air. Despite all this, there’s something that makes me want to go over to him. He looks like he needs help.

“You see that boy over there?” I say to Sam and John.

Sam looks at him. “Aye, I do. I think we should keep walking.”

“I want to go see if he’s alright.” I say.

“Cory, when Brienna said to keep an open mind about relationships, I don’t think she meant a stoner on the street.” Sam argues.

“Sam, he can’t be more than 14. He’s a kid. What kid who isn’t troubled would be on the street smoking weed?”

“None, you’re right. But it’s not something you should get involved in.” Sam still tries to talk me out of it. “Right, John?”

“What if he’s packing heat?” John says.

Sam looks at him. “You’ve been watching too many cop shows.”

“Okay, maybe not that. But he could have a knife. This could be dangerous.” John reasons.

I sigh. “I think you’re both wrong. I’m going over there.”

Sam and John try to protest, but I’m already walking across the street. I approach the boy, slowly and cautiously, cause I don’t know how he’s gonna react.

He’s in the middle of a drag when I reach him. “Hi.” I say. “Are you okay?”

He glares at me, distrusting. “What do you care?” he says, taking another drag.

I decide to be kind to him anyway. “Because I care about people, especially kids. You look like you could use some help, so I want to help you.”

Now he looks confused, still frowning, but softened from a glare. I notice his maple brown eyes, which look sad, but still sparkle, especially in the Christmas lights. “Why?” he asks. “You don’t even know me.”

I smile at him. “I could. What’s your name?”

He takes another puff of the joint. I think I made him uncomfortable. “I don’t want to tell you my name.”

I try to make him feel more at ease. “I don’t have to tell you my real name if you’re more comfortable that way.” I say. I try to think of an alternative, then say: “Some people call me Brownie.”

He continues to frown in confusion. He looks like he’s thinking deeply, like I’m the first person who’s ever been kind to him. “Why?” he asks.

I shrug. “For fun.” Actually, no one’s ever called me that before. I just made it up. His eyes made me think of it. I was thinking about maple syrup, which is sweet, and so are brownies. My name is McBrown.

He stares at me for a moment. It seems like he’s looking me over. As he does, my stomach flutters. Was that-? Was that what I think it was? My heart feels funny, too, and I feel a wave of heat go up my neck. Is this what blushing feels like?

Finally, he smiles. “I like you… Brownie. You’re cute.”

I smile. He called me cute! Wait- why do I care?

He continues, ignoring his joint. “My last name is Smith, so I guess you can call me Smithy.”

I giggle, and he smiles even bigger. He has a wonderful smile, wide and genuine. There’s that flutter again. What is happening to me? Is this what Sam meant? We lock eyes for a moment, and I feel very nervous all of a sudden. My heart skips a beat and my hands get clammy in my mittens. “So you said you wanted to help me? How?” he asks.

I forgot I had said that. It’s like I looked at his eyes and my brain short-circuited. I take a deep breath. “I want to give you love, and care.”

Uh oh. That made him frown. I may have gone too far. “What does that mean?”

Maybe he just doesn’t know what it’s like to be cared for. I put my hand on his shoulder, and my heart flutters. He looks at my hand. He looks scared. “Emotional love. Like, friendship. I’m saying I want to be your friend.” I realize I sort of flubbed what I probably should’ve said. But I’m suddenly very nervous.

He looks at my hand for a moment but then brushes it away. “What makes you think I need that?” he still looks scared.

I try to keep smiling, even though I feel like things are getting tense. “Well, I’m very good at sensing people’s energy. You have a very sweet, but pained energy.”

His shoulders tighten. “Okay, first of all, I don’t believe in that energy crap. And secondly, you’re treading on ground that’s none of your business.”

He starts to walk away, taking another drag. My heart sinks. For some reason, I put my hand on his shoulder again, trying to stop him from leaving. “But I want to help you.” I say.

He turns around. “I don’t want your help. Leave me alone!” He pushes my hand away, a little firmer, and Sam and John come up and get between me and him.

“Come on. Let’s just go home.” Sam says.

The boy, Smithy, and I just stare at each other for a moment. I feel like I’m gonna cry. I know I shouldn’t let it, but it kind of hurt when he pushed me away.

Except he looks like he wants to cry, too. I hesitate, but follow Sam and John back across the road. Looking back, he’s still watching us, and I can see the tears roll down his face. Before we round the corner, I see him stare at his joint for a moment, then back at me, and then he takes another long drag.

I actually cry as we round the corner. “Are you okay?” Sam asks me.

I try to shake off my tears. “Aye, I’m fine.” It doesn’t work. They still fall.

Sam doesn’t say anything else until we get home. While John makes hot chocolate, Sam talks to me. “What did he say to you, and do I need to kick his ass?”

I lean against my hand, resting my elbow on the couch. “Nothing… I mean nothing that deserves an ass-kicking.”

“I know you wanted to help him, but sometimes there are people you can’t help… Or, shouldn’t if you’re only 13 and have no training,” Sam continues.

I’m silent for a moment. Then I look at her. “I guess you’re right.”

Sam pats me on the arm. “I love you for wanting to help people in need, though.”

I nod silently as Sam gets up to put the movie in. I’m quiet for the rest of the movie. Somewhere between jingely-bells and Tigger hiding under Rabbit’s bed, Bart comes home with Mary. I tried to be talkative, but I wasn’t feeling like it, and Bart could tell.

After the movie, he tells us. “Mum told me to make you dinner cause she’s gonna be a little late.”

I nod. “Are you okay?” Bart asks me.

I look at him. “Aye, I’m fine.”

Sam looks at him, too. “She saw this kid on the street outside a liquor store, smoking a joint, and tried to help him, and he pushed her away.”

Bart raises his eyebrows. “He pushed you?”

“He pushed my hand off his shoulder. He didn’t push me.” I say.

Bart gets up and goes to the door. “Where are you going?”

“I’m going to go tell him off.” Bart says.

“You’re going to what?” I say. “Bart, no!”

“Cory, people don’t get to push you around without answering to me.” Bart leaves.

Mary follows him. “I’ll make sure he doesn’t do anything he’ll regret.”

I slump in my chair.

[dibs4ever]

Grieving

Nathan Gordon smiled at the little red headed bundle in his arms. So tiny, and new. Only a month old and so much had already happened to the poor child she had already gone through so much. Her mentally unstable mother running off in the night with her 4 year old brother.

Leaving her father alone with the newborn and a paper signing her rights over. Why keep one but not the other?

Nathan couldn’t understand it

Then again Barbara Keen never was exactly right in the mind

“Dad thanks again for offering to do childcare.” The voice of Jim Gordon spoke

Nathan looked up at his son and shook his head “Think nothing of it. It’ll give me something to do with my days now that I’m retired” he smiled bringing his infant granddaughter to his shoulder

Jim smiled “Well there is absolutely nobody else in the world I’d trust Barbara with. You raised my sister and I on your own which wasn’t exactly common in the 70s and 80s “

Nathan chuckled “Your mother was involved.”

Jim looked at his father over the brim of his glasses. Okay so maybe he did raise the kids on his own for the most part

Little back story on Nathan Peter Gordon

After getting an honorary discharge from the Vietnam war due to an injured leg he did what all the war men did and found a wife to marry and settle down with. It was 1962 he was 25 years old when he married Francis.

She wasn’t like his friends wives, she wasn’t sweet or doting. She didn’t ask him how is day was

She was a bitter women who wouldn’t stand for anyone who didn’t agree with her.

If he was being honest with himself the only reason he married her was because that’s what was expected of him. Women weren’t where his attraction laid. But being a gay man in the 1960s was just asking for a lifetime of criticism. Besides Francis could give him what he desired to be most. A father. Which happened in 1963 when his his daughter Hannah was born and then 3 years later when James was born

He absolutely loved being a father but always feared leaving them with Francis when he left forgot work as an attorney . She was cruel to them.

In 1970 after years of verbal abuse and accusations from Francis he finally confessed to the woman that he was gay.

They promptly divorced, Francis shocked the judge when she requested only to have the children every other weekend. Allowing Nathan to be the primary caregiver.

Something he thanked it was probably the only nice thing she ever did for him. Although he was certain she didn’t want them anyways. It wasn’t easy being a single dad but he wouldn’t trade it for anything, he supported and loved his children. Praising their accomplishments. Hugging them when they were downs and giving advice as they grew up under his wings.

Fast forward it’s 1996 and he’s holding his 30 year old sons newborn daughter.

Nathan takes care of his granddaughter every day and some nights for the next 5 years as his son worked his way up in the GCPD.

Then in 2001 she starts kindergarten and he only has her after school and some nights. It’s a bittersweet moment for both Nathan and Barbara. The two of them were each other’s best friends

Nathan waited outside the school with the other parents and caregivers. The school doors opening

“Grandpa!” The five year old shouted running across the school courtyard and into his arms with a flying leap.

She snuggled into his chest “I missed you.”

He chuckled lightly “So did I, come on little one, let's go get ice cream. It's Friday after all.” He smiled

4 years later he’s on his way to pick her up from school again. He hadn’t been feeling right . He has a coughing fit, then looks down at the kleenex...blood. Something wasn't right

Stuffing the napkin product in his pocket he decided to put on a brave face and go pick the light of his life Barbara Gordon up from school. She’d help him relax till his Doctors appointment next week

Nine year old Barbara opens the back car door and climbs in

“Hi grandpa.” She smiles leaning over the seat to plant a kiss on his cheek “Did you make any snacks at home? I’m starving.”

Nathan smiled, he almost always prepared a small snack for his growing grandauter to have when she returned from school. But today he had felt so ill and afraid due to coughing up blood that he completely.forgotten be had planned to make a her-her favorite snack of homemade nacho.

”I thought we’d get ice cream” be spoke looking back at the girl in the rearview mirror as he pulled out of the driveway

She laughed lightly he freckles doing a little dance when her nose scrunched up. He adored her freckles “Grandpa it’s only Tuesday. We only get ice cream on Friday’s.”

He shrugged “Who says we gotta play by the rules.” He winked

Barbara smiled at him

The following year Nathan Gordon passes away from cancer. He’s surrounded by his daughter Hannah, her husband and their children along with his son and Barbara.

Barbara Gordon sat in the office chair of her fathers office. Since her grandfathers recent passing her dad had yet to make arrangements for a new childcare provider.

Not that she needed a babysitter. She wasn’t a baby. She was 10. Besides the past couple months her grandpa had been so weak she basically took care of herself anyways

Her dad had been gone for a while. Where to? she didn’t know. He never told her anything anyways.

She sighed and continued drawing random doodles on the piece of copy paper she’d been using for the past 30 minutes to occupy her time.

The door opened. Her dad stepping in. But he wasn’t alone . A boy with dark hair, shorter than her but probably around her age stood at his side. This she knew wasn’t common. Very rarely did her father handle children personally like this at work. The boy was looking down sadly.

“Why don’t you take a seat son” her father waved to the pair of seats that sat infront of his desk. The boy nodded then moved and took a seat in one of the chairs

“Barbara this is Richard. He’s 10 like you. Why don’t you keep him company while I make some phone calls in the hall.” Her dad informed

She nodded and watched him walk out, the office door closing behind him

After a moment of Richard not looking up, Barbara moved and switched seats to the available one beside him

“I’m Barbara, how are you Richard?” She asked

He shrugged

“Not much of a talker Huh? It’s okay I’ll talk. I’ve been bored out of my mind all night. My dad thinks I need a babysitter but I don’t. I mean I’ve literally been sitting in this office by myself all night anyways so tell me what the difference would be if I was sitting at my home all night alone?”

Silence

“I’ll tell ya, nothing. I finished all my homework within 30 minutes of being here. My grandpa had me on a strict routine. If dad was ever around when I got home from school the past 5 years he’d know I always finish my school work promptly. What grade are you in Richard?”

“Can you call me Dick?” He spoke softly

Barbara grinned “He speaks....uhh sure I guess. Like I was saying my grandpa. He knew, he always said I should skip a grade. Grandpa knew more about me then my dad.”

Dick looked up at her “I’m in 4th grade. You talk a lot” a small smile played on the boys lips. Although his blue eyes were still filled with saddness

Barbara flashed him a smile back “Sorry my grandpa always said I talked a lot when I was nervous and you being so quiet kinda brought it out.”

Dick nodded “You and your grandpa are close? You’ve already talked about him 3 times in the past 10 minutes”

Barbara inhaled a breath at the mention “We were he Umm. He died last month.”

Dick looked down again “Oh”

She nodded “First time someone close to me has ever died. Have ugh have you ever lost someone. Maybe you could help me, give me some advice.”

Dick was silent “I’ve lost someone. But I don’t have advice.”

Barbara tilted her head “Who did you loose?”

He took a deep breath “My parents.” He squinted his eyes

Her eyes widened she couldn’t imagine loosing her father. Loosing her grandfather was tearing her up inside as it was “When?” She wondered. They were only 10. How young was he when he became an orphan?

“Tonight-they were murdered. I saw it.” He choked

Barbara’s jaw dropped. That explained why he was here “Dick, I’m so sorry!”

Tears began to flow slowly from the boys eyes

Not knowing what to do, the young girl moved her hand grabbing the fellow boys hand and lacing their fingers. To her relief the boy squeezed hers tighter. Letting her know that the small movement was just the right amount of comfort he needed at that moment. Together the two adolescents sat holding hands. Tears slowly streaming down their faces. Finding comfort in their newfound friendship and grieving their recently lost loved ones

[bulletballet-arch]

The Revised [ Full ] History of Eve in Picture Perfect

( until I decide to tweak and edit it some more )

In this verse, Eve’s mother Linda would reside in Brooklyn for three years after the death of her husband, William Littlejohn, his brother Malcolm, and Malcolm’s wife Yvette. Initially, she stays in Brooklyn simply because she feels she is supposed to. Her in-laws, Amos and Liza, want to observe her. Similarly, Linda’s parents want to ensure she is fine after narrowly facing death. Haunted by the massacre, Linda suffers from survivor’s syndrome, but she is never allowed to vocalize the pain felt. In the midst of secretly attending therapy sessions ( while Eve is taken care of by her Grandma Evelyn and Papa Giuseppe ) Linda finds that her lifestyle is stagnant. She feels as though she is a woman who does whatever someone else wants. Therefore, Linda decides to move to Manhattan with the five-year-old Eve in tow. They live in a luxurious apartment and Linda makes her living as a secretary on Wall Street while Eve attends ballet classes.

Linda didn’t have to be a secretary, as the Littlejohns (and her father) provided her with money, but she liked working. It kept her mind off things. Sometimes things would feel great until people asked her was her husband the late William Littlejohn. In time, Linda gets a boyfriend who is a stockbroker. He’s white, he’s a recent divorcee and because she worked so closely with him, Linda knew it would be unprofessional to date him. But she thought to herself, ‘this is my decision. It’s okay because I have some control.’ The idea of control was a myth, though. She became his arm candy, similar to what happened within the Littlejohn Family when she initially became linked with William.

Linda could not complain too much, though. Because her new lover was good to Eve. The overall excellent dynamic caused them to get married. Their marriage lasts for four years. Eve is eight years old when they divorce. It’s a divorce that’s long. Messy. He was going to jail for a pyramid scheme was a part of and Linda didn’t want to stand by him. After the divorce - and the trial - Linda decides she could use a break. She decides that she and Eve should leave the country for a little while. Because why not? She has the money. The first country they go to is England, staying in London.

It was supposed to be a month-long vacation, but she kept putting off returning home. She didn’t want to house hunt back in New York, she didn’t want to be identified with a scandal, she didn’t want to see any family. So they began living in London. When Eve is nine years old, Linda would decide to go to South Africa. Eve experienced cities such as Durban, Ghana, Cape Town. While Linda was really in Africa to become more connected to her ancestors, all and all, she thought the experience would be good for Eve. Her baby girl could have a lot of memories of different buildings, landscapes, cultures. And, this exposure did make Eve happy, however, she had no stable school life or friendships. So on a social level, Eve was miserable. She also tried having pen pals, but that only worked for so long before both parties ceased writing one another.  Eve did feel at home when she was in New York with her extended family during holidays like Christmas. Eve’s maternal grandparents wanted her to live with them, but her mother refused it. Eve has a vivid memory seated in the back of a taxi, crying because she didn’t want to go to the airport. And as for Linda - well, she would never notice this, but whenever she was deeply distressed, her mental desire was to just keep moving.

When Eve was fifteen years old, her mother fell in love with a highly esteemed professor from the University of Cape Town. This would be her mother’s third significant relationship. They all began living together and he begins an inappropriate relationship with Eve. It’s all an act of grooming that Eve isn’t aware of. Linda catches on to it and calls out her boyfriend for his behavior. However, he is offended by the accusations. He moves out, but he still contacts Eve through phone calls and  even picks her up from school at one point without her mother’s consent. Eve remembers her mother always asking her questions, ‘did he touch you?’ ‘What did he do to you?’ Eve was overwhelmed, as she felt her mother didn’t believe her. It caused Eve to give her the silent treatment, which in turn caused Linda to decide to move again. This time, they would leave Africa to live in Europe - France, specifically.

In France, the two moved twice. First to Paris then to Lyon. Eve liked Lyon more than Paris, but was much too stubborn to admit it. Part of Eve was worried that if she was open about her love, then her mother would want to move somewhere else. She attended college with a focus on art conservation. Ultimately, she did not fully complete her apprenticeship because she would meet Alexandre DuBois, a con artist she fell in love with.

He did not expose his true nature to her at first, but she began questioning the source of the jewelry he was continuously giving her. When she reached the conclusion that he was a criminal of some sort, Alexandre kept insisting that it wasn’t as much of an issue that she was making it out to be. To prove this he wanted Eve to come with him to a job wanting Eve to participate as well. Eve declined, she wasn’t trying to get in any legal trouble. However, Alexandre said he didn’t like boring women. Offended, she agreed.  He slicked down his hair so it could appear straight. Wore his best suit. Meanwhile, he instructed Eve to dress as though she was going to attend the most extravagant party. When they stood side by side, Alexandre was looking like a wealthy white man with a young, black mistress. The trick, Alexandre told her, was to always act as though you belong. For days Eve waited for consequences. For the police to knock at her door. Something. It didn���t happen. She told herself never again, but she got addicted to stealing with Alexandre, as it became an adrenaline rush.

Eventually, Eve and Alexandre were apprehended by law enforcement. Linda bailed Eve out and told her that if she was not going to continue reaching for her career goals then she would send her to America. Eve would fight back, insisting that she was an adult, so she doesn’t have to go to America just because she said so. Linda then has enough and states that since Eve is a young adult, she can live with Alexandre.  The relationship that would progress between Eve and Alexandre was not without its faults. Even when Eve moved in with him, Alexandre was cheating on her discreetly. He had his alternate hookups and one-night stands, with Eve simply being his main girlfriend. When women smugly confronted Eve of how Alexandre was nothing but a womanizer and she was his latest victim, she fought for the sheer integrity of his name. Behind closed doors, when Eve confronted Alexandre about his inability to be monogamous: he blackened her eye.

The relationship comes to an end when Alexandre gains access to an elite party. During their fumbled job, they would be acknowledged by someone who would be very influential in Eve’s future, Gisella Agostini of the Corsican Mafia. The two would leave the scene in shame, fiercely arguing in the car about who messed up. Eve brings up how he’s a liar and manipulator, only for Alexandre  to rip the pearls from her neck and kick her out his car. She had to find her way back to safety in the dark of the night.

While Alexandre and Eve are separated, the Agostini family does research on the two. They see that Alexandre has a long history of theft, and even a previous murder charge, while Eve just seems to be a college student who got caught up in the thrill of crime. First, Alexandre is snatched off the street by Agostini goons. In what he deemed as an act of self-preservation, he sells Eve out, claiming it was her idea.

When Eve is abducted by the crime family, Gisella confronts her directly. The old woman states that she could fix everything and spare her from her ‘husband’s wrath.’ But the truth is, Gisella’s husband doesn’t do anything in the crime family any longer due to his age and illnesses, but Gisella uses him as a ‘front’ to reign.  Eve ends up working for the crime family,  and in little moments, she ever so gradually speculates she is in the midst of a female mob boss. As the months go along, Eve’s mother wants to make amends but Eve doesn’t want her mother to know she is now gang-affiliated. Eve is very afraid for her life. This leads to more mother-daughter tension due to the lack of communication.  

As the years pass on, Gisella is progressively attached to Eve. This is reflective of how she has her own passion for the world and the diverse people who live in it (especially those of the African diaspora.) In turn, Eve initially grows to feel like she’s a part of some sort of stable family. Ultimately, their relationship gradually becomes overbearing and toxic. Eve is literally feeling like she’s owned and controlled by an old white woman. Therefore, Eve distances herself from dealing with Gisella personally because it was too much. However, Eve continued working for the crime family in regards to assassinations and heists, but she was not eating at Gisella’s home for dinner or talking over tea. Eve decides to make amends with Gisella by the time she is 31. Little did she know, the woman was on her death bed at this point. They were kind to one another and Gisella lets Eve know she can do whatever she wants now. Later that week, the old woman would die. While Gisella’s death comes as a shock - Eve was also feeling relieved. Afterward, Eve has mild conflict with Gisella’s nephew who feels like she should not be leaving the crime family, but Eve insists Gisella harbored no ill will towards her and wanted her to do whatever she wanted. So, she’s leaving.

Eve relocates to New York to begin a new, stable life. It’s what she wants. It’s what she needs. Or so she thinks. She thought New York would have her feel at home and content as it did when she was a child, but she didn't feel this way at all. She felt like a stranger among her family, like a guest or something.  Eve proceeds to sell the art she makes for a living and gains recognition from it. Admittedly, she’s bored with a quiet life. It is entering a relationship with Salvatore Scozzari that sparks her passion for crime, although he would much rather her marry him and live a quiet but glamorous life. But in the end? Eve can’t do it. Breaking up with Sal by claiming she’ll be working at a gallery in California, she travels to another state. Her life as a thief starting up a second time.

[cibeewastaken]

Somehow this went from a holiday fic to a birthday fic and from under 500 words to over 1k. Oh well, it’s not the holidays anymore, certainly not Draco’s birthday, but this is what it's about.

on ao3

                                                             ---

“Harry!” Scorpius screamed when the door opened, running to hug his leg before seeing Albus huddling closely behind, then screamed “Albus!” as he changed his course to collide with Harry’s son instead.

A huge smile split Albus’ face when his friend barreled into him, knocking him onto his bottom. He was always afraid that Scorpius would forget about him if they didn’t see each other every day, and more than once Harry had to calm him down from a crying fit before playdates because Albus couldn’t stand the thought of arriving at Malfoy’s doorstep and have his best friend not remember him. 

Although it was an awful thing to think, Harry thought it was partially James’ fault that Albus was so insecure, but mostly it was Harry and Ginny’s fault for not knowing what the hell they were doing with their first baby. By the time Lily came, they had felt confident enough to divorce while raising the kids together, but it still ached to see Albus like this. That was why Harry tried his best to make time for playdates with Scorpius, the boy was nothing but good influence on Albus.

“I think Scorpius will undo a lot of damage that James caused,” Ginny had once said, because that was what her humor was like.

And although Harry would never say it out loud, he agreed wholeheartedly, and wasn’t that a surprise.

“Hey, Scorpius,” Harry said, still thinking the name was fucking ridiculous but now in a good way. “Where’s your dad?”

“He’s upstairs,” the boy answered in a whisper. Albus leaned in to listen like they were about to trade secrets. 

“Is he now?” Harry raised his eyebrow. “And you’re just down here by yourself?”

“Tinos was playing with me,” Scorpius said, and the house-elf materialize right next to them with a loud crack, startling the boys into fits of laughter. Normally Albus would have cried from the sudden noise, but never while he was with his friend. Looking at them laughing, Harry couldn’t help but bend down and wrap them both in a hug as Tinos took their coats.

“Why is he upstairs all alone then?” Albus asked.

“Father isn’t happy today,” Scorpius replied.

That startled Harry, “why?” he asked. “Isn’t today his birthday?”

Scorpius lunged forward to cover Harry’s mouth but he was too slow. Silence rang through the house before a voice, dark with ominous rage, “Did someone,” said the voice, “say birthday?”   

“Father is angry!” Scorpius said in delight, and these were the times Harry got rudely reminded that despite the angelic face, Scorpius was still Malfoy’s son. Scorpius was practically vibrating from the amount of schadenfreude he was emitting. 

Footsteps thundered down the stairs and the boys ran into the drawing-room hand in hand. Harry sighed, resigned to his fate. 

Malfoy’s red face appeared around the corner, “Oh, it’s you!” he screeched, “Of course it’s you! Only you would come into a man’s home and insult him like so! The audacity!”

“Stating a fact doesn’t count as an insult, last time I checked,” Harry said. “Although, since your existence is an insult to the universe in and of itself, I suppose your birthday do count as that.”

“Oh, piss off,” Malfoy said. “Do you want coffee?”

“God, yes,” Harry said. He’d been taking care of three kids alone for the past week and it felt like his muscles might never recuperate from the abuse. “The coffee beans from Italy?”

“That is quite literally the only ones I have,” Malfoy scoffed.

“So,” Harry dropped into the kitchen chair. “What’s wrong with today?”

“It’s not about the day, it’s about the age,” Malfoy said crossly to the Moka pot.

“What, thirty?” Harry said. 

Malfoy whirled around. “Shut your face hole!”

“It’s a number worth celebrating,” Harry said. 

“What an abominable thing to say,” Malfoy said. “You are a right piece of shi—you boys want some snacks?”

Scorpius and Albus clamored for sweets and Malfoy sent them off with a bowl of baby carrots somehow. 

“As I was saying,” Malfoy pointed his mug at Harry. “Shithead. You wouldn’t understand.”

“It’s going to be me in a month,” Harry pointed out. 

“Still a month,” Malfoy sighed. “Oh, to be young and beautiful . . . ”

“You think I’m young and beautiful?” Harry said.

“I think I shall curse you to age ten years physically on your thirtieth birthday,” Malfoy said. “Or maybe I will do good for once in my life and poison this coffee now so you will only live as a twenty-nine-year-old and never have to taste the bitter fruit that is thirty.”

“Cheers,” Harry raised his mug and took a big gulp. He tilted his head back and let out a dramatic moan.

“There are children under this roof!” Malfoy bellowed. And the children, upon hearing their calling, came running in once more.

“Hello, one of the cute Potters,” Malfoy leaned down to greet Albus even though he’d been here for at least ten minutes already. “Take my mind off of my impending grey hair, will you? Pray tell, how old are you now?”

Albus stuck out both his hands in V sign and said, “Four!”

Malfoy, bless him, all but melt at the sight. He finally gave Albus and Scorpius the sweets they’d been asking for and more. 

Harry smiled into his coffee.

Malfoy sighed. “Four!” he said. “What a number.”

“Your son is four too,” Harry reminded.

“Yes, he is. A wonderful number.” Malfoy turned to the cabinet and busied himself with the content. Harry knew from the lines of Malfoy’s shoulders that his mood soured, and Harry could tell from the bow of his head that Malfoy thinking of Astoria again, and how she never got to see Scorpius turn four or Malfoy thirty. 

Harry took the box out of his pocket and unshrank it. “I got you present.”

Malfoy stilled. He turned, “Present?” In a hopeful voice.

“Well, presents.” Harry picked out the card first. “Albus, Lily, and Rose, and — all of the kids, really. There’re a lot of things in here.”

And it did look more like a book than a card, filled with flowers and drawings and handprints.

Malfoy took it with shining eyes. “If anyone of them calls me an old man in here I will hex their parents.” 

Harry laughed. “I’d like to see that,” he said, and pushed the box to Malfoy. “This is from me.”

If it was possible, Malfoy shined brighter. His hand shook for a second before they reached the box. Then he lifted the lid off with steady hands. 

“Oh,” Malfoy said.

“I mean, you can buy anything you want already,” Harry said, suddenly thinking this was a horrible idea and of course it would end up like this when Harry was left to his own device. “And — and I know you make plans, like, four months in advance to travel with Scorpius every holiday. So this year I thought I beat you to it and — and invite you to — ”

“You . . . ” Malfoy said. “You want us to spend the holiday with you?”

“Yes!” Harry blurted, and felt dizzy with the amount of blood in his head. “Well, now that I said it, it seems more like a present for me, and not — ” 

Malfoy plucked the small parchment out of the box like he plucked Harry’s heart years ago, and tucked it neatly in his breast pocket. He sat down across from Harry and slumped, so his legs were pressed against Harry’s. 

“I’m not cooking,” Malfoy said, picking up his mug. 

Harry grinned, flushed with coffee and smiles and thirty years’ worth of dreams that were coming true. “Wouldn’t want to die of food poisoning before your thirty-first birthday.”

[roxa-sos]

heaven's gate, part one - grief and her rich friends. (john b routledge)

john b routledge x reyna lance

tw; alcohol, teenage drinking, kissing + reference to it leading to sex towards the end

part one; reyna lance, born and raised in the outer banks, deals with grief in an unusual way.

a/n -- uh reyna is rich girl chaos. i love her too much.

×××

grief is weird when your family has money.

on one hand, you're probably looking at a big sum of money and access to a fund that whoever's dead left for you. that's a plus. on the other side, you just lost someone you were close to. but you can never be too close to anyone when you've got power over half of an island.

reyna lance. sixteen year old rich girl from figure eight. daughter of sean and tyra lance. she was only known for three major things - her dad's porsche, her messy breakups, and her alcohol problem.

problems were constant in the lance family. from tax evasion to fucking with stocks, it seemed like every other month it looked like sean lance was going to jail. he never did, though, which was quite the accomplishment, but expected with his kind of funds. everyone always thought that it would be jailtime that drew him away from the island. like always, though, he surprised the residents of the outer banks.

"reyna!" her mother called from the bottom of the staircase, banging on the railing to get her attention. her actions dragged the girl out of her room, in shorts, a tube top and some layer that resembled a kimono. "you can't hide from sean like this."

the girl groaned, throwing her head back before she leaned over the side of the staircase. she could technically hide from her dad for as long as she wanted, they had multiple properties, boats, cars, it would take a considerable amount of time for him to find her. nevertheless, she had to listen to her mom. it was hard saying no to that woman.

"you can't hide from sean like this," she echoed in a mocking tone, looking down at her mom.

tyra beckoned her down with her hand, crossing her arms. "your father told you an hour ago that we needed to talk as a family. that doesn't mean you hide away like a hermit, sweetie."

"okay, i'm here now. you want to talk?" reyna asked, taking her time as she climbed down the stairs to talk to her mother.

"your dad's in the kitchen. come on." with that statement, her mom turned her back on the girl and walked down the hall. this left reyna considering going back upstairs, but if her parents were so desperate to talk to her, she figured she may as well give them the time of day.

so, she followed her mother, trailing a few feet behind her after hurrying down the rest of the stairs.

upon entering the kitchen, she caught sight of a woman sitting at the kitchen table, her father leaning on the table next to her. "what is it now, dad, trouble with the IRS or some shit?" reyna asked, hardly looking at her dad while she grabbed a water bottle from the fridge.

"can you take this seriously, please?" her mother hissed at her, causing reyna to do a double take. her mom was usually a fairly passive aggressive person. she didn't yell, she didn't take disciplinary action, she just got frustrated with people. and disappointed, her favorite phrase was that she "wasn't sad, just disappointed." so the new tone of voice got reyna's attention.

"yeah... yeah," the girl trailed off, closing the fridge, facing her parents from where she stood. "so what's going on?"

"baby," her father finally spoke up, taking a few steps towards her. "i'd love it if you could meet karissa." he gestured to the woman at the table. she was blonde, young, and she looked professional.

"alright, uh, hi, then?" reyna shrugged, providing nothing more than a wave for the blonde.

"she's my... girlfriend."

reyna's father's words caused her jaw to drop. literally. reyna never thought that she'd be in a situation that would physically cause her jaw to drop, but there she was, staring at her father's... mistress? from across the kitchen, completely dumbstruck.

"i told you to ease her into it," tyra spat, obviously angry with the man.

"you're growing up, you know? i think you deserve to know when your dad's gonna be out of your life," sean ignored reyna's mother, trying to get into his daughter's line of sight to keep her attention.

reyna's parents were always rocky. she didn't have a fantastic relationship with her dad, and she always joked about how she'd choose her mom's side in the divorce, but she didn't actually think that a divorce was ever going to happen, especially considering how tyra was more of a trophy wife than a working one. "what are you talking about?" reyna started interrogating the man in front of her, shaking her head as if she didn't understand it.

"your mother and i are splitting up. it's mutual-" he began, before being interrupted by his apparent ex-wife.

"it's over karissa," she interjected before letting reyna's father continue.

"mutual. we fell out of love. you've always said that you wanted to stick with your mom, so i figured that it was just easier to relinquish custody." he continued, explaining his thinking as if it was going to make any sense to his teenage daughter.

reyna stood there for a few moments, eyebrows furrowed as she stared at her dad. 

"i know it's not immediate, but we'll be in court for the next few weeks sorting things out. okay? it's for the best that you're sticking with tyra. you two are good." sean clapped his hands once he was done speaking, not expecting a response from reyna. "good. good, we've cleared the air. saying that, you both have my number, i'll be staying at the other place until i officially move out. that's alright?"

"yeah, dad, that's alright." maybe it was shock, or maybe she'd just accepted it, but reyna didn't seem to be phased by a divorce being dumped in her lap.

reyna tended to be... insensitive. was she an asshole? kind of, actually, but not nearly as much as a majority of the kooks. but did she understand healthy relationships? hardly, and that was all thanks to the people getting a divorce. so maybe it was acceptance after all, because she never really saw them working out. 

"is that it?" she asked, looking at the adults in the room. tyra looked a little shocked to see the girl so done with the conversation, but she nodded carefully.

"that's it, but-"

"alright, cool, uh, you guys can do whatever, i'll be back later." she nodded, quickly backing out of the kitchen. 

she had a feeling in the pit of her stomach that she didn't understand at all. anger? she was pissed at her dad for being a whore when he was married and had a kid. sad? she was sad about... losing him? sure. there was something else there, though, and she couldn't figure it out.

and she wouldn't figure it out, at least, she didn't think she would. it was almost nine in the evening, and she was sure that there had to be at least one rager on the island on that fine friday night. it was the outer banks, there was a party somewhere every night, you just had to know where to look. usually reyna went to parties with friends. it was how you stayed safe, how you had a designated driver, and how you had fun. though, reyna wasn't looking for anything other than to get wasted and evict whatever feeling was overtaking her body.

so, instead of heading back to her room, she headed out to the garage. nothing like pulling up in your dad's porsche to wherever you were going. she got into the driver seat and pulled out her phone, and based on a few snapchat stories, it was easy to deduct that where she needed to go to get wasted was the boneyard, for a good old kegger.

it took her less than twenty minutes to get there, and she could've done it in ten if she hadn't pulled over to scream. screech at the top of her lungs, frustrated because she felt stuck. nevertheless, she got there, shoving the keys in her back pocket before finding her way to the crowd of people. a bonfire, a keg, and all different kinds of teens were scattered around the beach. with these different kinds of teens, she ultimately was able to spot one of her best friends.

"lance, never texted me back about the party, but you still showed up to it?" topper thornton referred to reyna by her last name as she greeted him with a disappointing shrug.

"you know i love leaving you on read," she joked, taking a cup of beer he offered to her. "is sarah around?" she asked about his girlfriend, not seeing the kook princess by his side.

"yeah, she's somewhere. you know, being sarah cameron." he rolled his eyes and sighed. reyna knew all about the girl just through topper himself, and not that reyna hated sarah... just that she was definitely topper's friend before she was hers. "did you steal your dad's car?" he asked, a hint of astonishment in his voice. 

reyna shrugged once more, a little smug smile on her face that time. "looking for new ways to piss him off." she admitted, gesturing to the vehicle. 

"well, when he kicks you out, i can probably sneak you into our guest bedroom." topper laughed, glancing down the beach. "you're kidding me, sarah's-" he began to explain before shouting her name once more and booking it down the beach. she was probably doing something dumb... being sarah cameron.

reyna clicked her tongue, swishing the beer around in the plastic cup she'd been given while nodding. "nice talk," she continued walking down the beach until she could spot some of the pogues, and took a drink to the fact that she had to see them. 

of course, she didn't get what she expected. she gagged on the alcohol, wincing at the taste. "holy fuck," she coughed, shaking her head.

"something wrong?" reyna heard a voice from beside her, and she could hardly bring herself out of her own disgust to look at the person it was coming from.

"yeah, this beer tastes like warm coors light, who serves warm coors light at a party?" she was half joking, but it was really bad. the guy standing next to her was hard to recognize from up close. he had somewhat long brown hair that was sticking out of the bottom of a baseball cap turned backwards. apparently he didn't have the time to button up his shirt all the way, so it sat open, two buttons holding it together towards his lower abdomen. of course, that made it hard for reyna to not stare at what was exposed. she brought her eyes to meet his, and saw a slight smile on his face as he looked down at her. 

"we do, i guess," he laughed, tilting his head to the side. he seemed surprised to hear her say something so... bold to him, but he brushed if off. "sorry for the shitty beer, then. i'm john b." he offered his hand for her to shake, and she took it out of habit. 

she recognized his name, and it was just her luck that he was one of those pogues. he had to be one of the most recognizable ones, now that she thought about it, but she'd never seen him face to face.

"reyna. reyna lance." she introduced herself in response, shaking his hand briefly before letting go. 

"oh, trust me, i know a lance when i see one," he nodded, letting her know that she didn't need to introduce herself.

"you do?" reyna asked, a little confused. she'd already managed to forget that the entire island knew her and her parents. even the kids from the cut, which they probably screwed over the most.

"yeah, i do," john b confirmed, taking the cup of beer from reyna's hand and downing it for her. "what i originally came over here to ask you is what you're doing alone at my party."

"we own parties now?" reyna laughed, raising an eyebrow at the boy. why was she alone? topper blew her off, of course, but she wasn't about to let john b in on her personal life. 

he rolled his eyes at her, his smile slightly growing. "whatever, i brought the beer, i own the party, you're just roaming around alone?" 

"just trying to get wasted, john b." reyna reassured him, patting his shoulder like they were old friends. it probably didn't help that he'd drank the rest of her beer, but she wasn't sure she could've finished the cup herself without throwing up.

"this, reyna, is what you should've said earlier." he immediately pointed out, motioning for her to wait a moment as he maneuvered through people to get to the keg. it didn't take him long to come back with another cup, earning a sour look from reyna. "don't look so bitchy, it's not warm coors light, just drink it." he handed her the cup, and resisting every muscle in her body that told her not to, she took a sip.

the drink burned the back of her throat, but that made her know it was strong.

"oh, wow," she coughed, blinking a few times. "wasting good alcohol on a kook?"

"looked like you needed it." john b said in response, arms crossed as he watched her take another sip. well, less of a sip, more of a chug. he had his own cup in his hand, hardly filled, but he matched her pace when he saw her continue to drink.

"shit, you're the best pogue i know," she breathed, half of the cup's contents having been consumed at that point.

"i better be," he responded briefly before returning to drinking, reyna following in pursuit. when he was done, he had to pinch the bridge of his nose and rub his eyes. "christ, our livers are shot."

"who gives a fuck about livers? as far as i'm concerned, i could die tomorrow night." reyna almost choked on her words by the time she was done with the cup, running her hand through her hair. 

"tomorrow night?" john b seemed a little surprised, but he went with it, "that doesn't give us a lot of time." 

"time to do what?" reyna shook her head, already feeling the alcohol taking its toll on her body.

he only shrugged, offering reyna the chance to answer that question herself.

"fuck it, then, i'm gonna go dance like i don't hate myself and then we'll see if i die." she shrugged, throwing her cup with as much force as possible towards the white trash bag that sat twenty feet away from them. it hardly made it in, but there were what looked like a hundred other cups scattered around the bag.

"have fun, then, i'm gonna go regret drinking this much," john b waved her away as reyna backed away from him and walked towards the music, leaving her to her own agenda.

it hardly took an hour for whatever had been in the plastic cup to really fuck reyna up. being wasted was an understatement by the time ten forty five rolled around. by then, people were dwindling. they'd run out of beer, so people had started to head home, or to other parties that were stocked.

reyna had to stick around, though, because the last thing she needed was to trash her dad's porsche, no matter how badly she wanted to do it. she said she was gonna die tomorrow night, not that night.

"still sticking around?" she heard that voice again, and turned once more to see john b right behind her.

"drunk driving is no joke, and i'm where you are, jb." reyna had already given him a nickname, acknowledging her unhealthy alcohol content.

john b laughed, looking reyna up and down. she was glistening with sweat from dancing and the heat, her hair was a mess, and when she smiled at him she had her bottom lip tucked between her teeth. he was just as wasted as she was, but he hid it a little better. "so, if i crash in the back of my van, you're there?"

reyna nodded, letting out a breath. she probably wouldn't have let herself get so lost if she wasn't trying to escape herself, but she didn't care about that anymore. honestly, as long as she could be anyone other than reyna lance for a little bit? life wasn't too bad, didn't matter if she was wasted or not.

and hanging with pogue boys didn't make her feel like a lance. "i'm there."

"good, because i can't leave you drunk and alone on this beach." he pointed out, moving his hand to her hip to keep her steady next to him. she was standing just fine, she was wasted, but not blackout drink. not embarrassingly drunk.

"i didn't expect you to be the kind of guy to leave drunk girls on the beach," reyna nodded as he walked her towards the van, which was a little further down the beach, away from her dad's car.

he could only laugh at her few comments, neither of them knowing why. even drunk, reyna didn't think she'd have a pogue laughing at her dumb jokes and comments. standing next to the van, her back to the door, he faced her, their eye contact overwhelmingly obvious to reyna.

his hands were still on her hips, and she gently rested her own hands on his shoulders in response. before she knew it, she'd pulled him towards her and crashed her lips onto his. he welcomed the kiss, pushing her up against the side of the van as she fumbled for the door handle to get it open. 

grief.

grief for whatever her life had been before? that was that feeling.

and grief made people do stupid things. 

taglist; @maebanks @dpaccione @outerbxrafe @jjbabyouterbanks @wtfstarkey

[merckiii]

pelin uluksar, cis woman, she/her — agnes street wouldn’t be the same today if it wasn’t mermer’s fashion & personal styling in agnes street. do you know that merve gezgin works there as an owner, personal stylist & model? they are thirty and they look like the kind of person who can get anything she wants by just clapping in her hands, whenever i see them, 7 rings by ariana grande starts to play inside my head. maybe it is the vibe they give off, freshly manicured nails, designer bags lined up in her closet & diamond earrings ; you know ? @agnesextra​

TRIGGER WARNING: car accident , affair , revenge , panic attacks , abusive ex-boyfriend , toxic relationship , abandonment

𝐅𝐔𝐋𝐋 𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄 : merve gezgin 

𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐊𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐒 : mer, mermer  

𝐀𝐆𝐄 : 30 years old 

𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐎𝐖𝐍 : balıkesir, turkey  

𝐎𝐂𝐂𝐔𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 : model, personal stylist, clothing designer, owner of her own boutique “mermer’s fashion & personal styling” 

𝐒𝐈𝐁𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒:​ 

half-brother: kaan gezgin ( 43 )

half-sister: hicran demirer ( 41 )

half-brother: mete gezgin ( 40 )

half-sister: zehra demirer ( 37 )

half-brother: okan gezgin ( 34 ) 

𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃 𝐈𝐍𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 ⎯⎯⎯⎯ merve gezgin, the one and only daughter of businessman levent gezgin and the youngest daughter of irem kaya, who at that time worked at the gezgin’s company. merve was an unexpected surprise to levent and irem. irem was just in the process of getting divorced by her then husband, civan demirer. no one could know about her pregnancy before she’d be divorced. after all; irem and levent had an affair. but when the divorcing process was taking longer, the more she started showing. the sooner they made it to the headlines of every newspaper. 

after irem gave birth, levent and irem tied the knot. they moved in to the gezgin mansion. the siblings were arguing everyday - every second of the time they saw each other. the one blaming the other for their family falling apart and basically fighting over every little thing. 

the older merve got, the more she understood what her siblings were fighting about. her sisters, mainly hicran, would blame every little thing on her. she’d cause trouble just so she could blame it onto merve. it started with casually throwing a glass on the floor to stealing money from levent’s purse - cutting all of their clothes and all blaming it on her. her parents, who would usually think it was her, would be upset with her. meanwhile she didn’t do anything. her brothers were trying more their best to stay out of the chaos that the demirer’s would bring with them. as soon as levent finds out that her sisters were blaming everything on merve, he got so upset about the fact that he didn’t believe his own daughter. he refused to pay them their pocket money if they’d keep on blaming every little thing on their sister. irem, on the other hand, refused to believe that her daughters would lie and that blame it all on his sons because they didn’t want them to move in since day one. ever since levent felt bad about not believing his own daughter; he swore to himself that he’d forever do anything to make his daughter happy. spoiling her with everything she wanted. before she’d tell him she wanted something; it’d already be in front of her. 

all of this chaos continued meanwhile merve grew up. they usually moved from countries at least once per three years. from italy, paris to new york. because they usually had to move, all the kids were homeschooled. 

as merve turns sixteen, they find out that her older brother, mete, got into a car accident. they rush over to the hospital to be there for him. merve has a really good bound with her brothers. seeing him laying there on the hospital bed really broke her heart. but the soon he opened his eyes and started his slow recovery, merve tried to be by his side every time he’d have to do one of his practices. even as she couldn’t do much; she wanted to support him at all costs. she didn’t want to leave his side for a second. 

when merve turns nineteen, they move to new york. her brother would get even a better treatment and he was doing so well at that point. 

one day, at her best friend’s party, she meets this, sweet, caring, very popular guy who seems to be really interested in her. merve, who loved to have all the attention on her, made him clear that she was also interested in him. it didn’t take long until the guy asked her out and they became the couple that everyone was talking about. all that, meanwhile her sisters were still not fond of her having everything and them not getting everything what they wanted. which led them to spread rumors around about her. accusing her of everything she didn’t do. all of these rumors got people talking and even her boyfriend, at that time was questioning her. all of this, caused her panic attacks during her already sleepless nights.  

as she turned twenty-one; they threw a big birthday party for her and she had the time of her life. she was still dating her boyfriend at that time, not knowing he was actually seeing other people behind her back, he was taking advance of her status and money. but despite that; he proposed to her. and merve couldn’t wish for anything more. she had recently started her modeling career at that time as well. and she was really happy about everything. 

but there was something else she didn’t know. 

when she’s twenty-five, she finds out her boyfriend was seeing other people. they had a huge fight about it, leaving merve heartbroken. merve wanted to break things off which her ex boyfriend wasn’t fond of at all. he kept telling her that she was nothing without him and that she’d only stay relevant because of their relationship and the status they ‘both created’. merve, who really thought at that time that she wouldn’t be relevant without him or wouldn’t accomplish anything without him, decided to still stay with him. too naive to think that she wouldn’t be good enough without him. 

she stayed with him for two more years until one day she comes home and caught her then boyfriend with other girls in the bed that she once shared with him. instead of apologising, her ex-boyfriend tells her that all these years he had been with her were a lie. he simply explains her that he had to be with her in order to earn money and so to get civan’s revenge. he wanted to get his revenge because of what irem did to him. all of this left merve heartbroken. before she got a chance to cry on her mother’s shoulder; she was left with only a note that only said goodbye. just, a note. she hadn’t seen her mother and her sisters ever since that day. 

after everything she has been through; she didn’t leave her house much. especially as she had a feeling that she was no good for anything; that she wasn’t going to make it on her own. she’d just go out every now and then as her brothers would drag her out of her apartment and take her shopping. she’d literally get anything she wanted and well, this became a way of distraction for her. all of these clothes inspired her so much that one day, she decided to follow a course to earn her certificate to become a personal stylist. trying her best to leave all the self doubts behind; even though a voice inside her head always kept telling her that she wouldn’t make it.

her dad, who had suggested her to start her own clothing line, called every connection that he had in his network. he wanted to get his daughter motivated and not have her sitting in her apartment for months again. he couldn’t see her upset like that, ever again. and he’d do anything to make his daughter happy. 

soon, when her own clothing line, mermer’s fashion, got launched she got a lot of positive reactions. 

when she turned twenty-nine, her ex-boyfriend returned to new york and was trying to contact her again. after seeing her doing so well. she didn’t give him the attention that he was looking for. she didn’t even take her time to reply back to him. completely deleting him from her own world. 

her dad, who suggested her to move, also suggested to open her own boutique at somewhere that was more quiet. which led her to move to islesbury.

she’s currently running her own boutique, while designing her own clothes for her clothing line. she’s also a model for her own products but also sometimes works for brands like chloé, versace etc etc. to do some collaborations. she has different kind of influencers over the world to promote her clothes ( wanted connections teheh! )

[lgceden]

hello bonjour y’all. it’s tee, aka lgcsookyung’s mun back with a second muse. is it a good idea? probably not, but i was inspired and would have been literally kept awake at night thinking about it if i did nothing about it, so this is me getting it out of my system. eden is slightly based on an old muse i never got to develop, so he is still pretty new to me, so bear with me as i get used to him. i’ll leave some info below and make a proper plot call for event stuff in a bit. feel free to like this or message me here or on sookyungs account if you wanna get something going with this Soft Boy™ ;>  

about || plot page

his parents, heechul and mikyung, were korean immigrants in new zealand, and had been living there for only a year before they had eden

his korean name is chanhee, but it’s only really used by his parents when he’s being scolded and his grandparents

when he was eight, his parents divorced. it was very amicable, and they are still good friends

his father has been happily single ever since, and his mother is now married to a lovely woman named henrietta

he has a nine year old sister named delilah who was adopted by his mothers when he was thirteen

he’s very closed off and secretive when it comes to his family. he’s not ashamed of them at all, but he knows that the situation for lgbt people isn’t great in south korea, and he doesn’t want to bring negative attention to them

in 2017 eden ended up moving to korea with his father to help out with his paternal grandmother, who had fallen ill

thankfully his korean wasn’t too bad due to having to communicate with his grandparents, but it definitely wasn’t (and still isn’t) the best. his parents never really spoke it back in new zealand, wanting to speak english as much as possible to get a good grasp on the language

he also knows ksl. said ill grandmother had always been partially deaf so he learnt it for her

eden is a fashion design student at snu. he loves designing dresses and gowns especially

is more cottagecore meets faerie courtier than the edgy, cool type that people typically think of when they hear “fashion student”

he’s just a flower boy that likes wearing and making pretty things okay. he’s the type to curl his hair and do his makeup - complete with gems around his eyes or glitter on his cheeks - just to go food shopping

joined lgc in july 2019 on a complete whim after being scouted at one of the universities student fashion shows in which he was a model

he had no prior aspirations to being in the entertainment industry (at least as the one in front of cameras) but his mother seemed excited when he told her, so he went for it

he still has his moments of doubts whether he belongs at lgc or not, has a bit of the good old imposter syndrome thinking he doesn’t deserve a place as a trainee when he isn’t exactly passionate about it like so many others

but he feels like quitting would be worse so he keeps at it

plus he’s starting to take to singing, and leaving lgc means leaving behind the good vocal teachers

he’s still unsure of his future path though, as he also enjoys modelling. but he might also try out composing one day, or maybe acting, and find he likes that too

so things are a bit wishy washy in the way of ambitions, and he’s just taking each day as it comes

eden is a bit of a quiet one. if he was one of snow whites dwarves, he would be bashful

it takes a fair bit of love and patience to get him out of his shell, but once you gain his trust you have a friend for life

he definitely makes personalised resin keychains and charms for his close friends

is very ??? about skinship, especially being a foreigner still not used to the korean culture around it

if you flirt with him (or even just show him basic kindness really) be prepared to deal with a flustered eden as he is a proper panicked gay™ even though he’s technically pansexual

i won’t bother writing down potential plots here as i’m posting an actual plot call and can just keep it all together in that post

but like, please give him some friends and love :>

[naturaldisasterfanfiction]

39. Part 2

Robyn looks so happy to be drinking wine, I don’t blame her. It’s been a while for her anyways “what made you want to come to Mexico? Out of all places, not like you. We could have gone to a hotel, or better yet. Your home?” leaning over the table between us smiling “you right, I could have but no. What man would I be to just do my home up, I mean that would be sweet, but I want to make sure it’s special for us, for me, for you. Also they say you should keep that spark going, I read these books about married life and they say you got to keep that spark, we do have that spark but I think we need to go back to London and get that routine again. It’s been so long since we have had alone time, there has been so much going on. To get some peace, I miss it” Robyn cooed out “I missed us, it’s like since I had Fenty it’s been Fenty only. I have felt like what am I doing to myself, what about Chris. I am not giving him the attention. I want him to be ok, then I am trying to run my business at the same time. I did think it, I was like will he stray away from me, coming to Cali was a big deal for me Chris. It was either going to make us or break us, I gave you that space to fuck up I guess. Not because I wanted it but I couldn’t carry you Chris, it’s not how we should work and to hear you speak these words, to say I want to go back to London, to be thinking of me. It could have gone to shit, but I believed in you, I believed our love is and was strong and it is. You have grown so much as a man Chris, and I couldn’t be prouder. Nobody knows the real you, the real feeling of how you battle yourself but I am proud of you and I am so happy you picked me over those friends you was dying to see for so long” putting my head down smiling “I didn’t realise you gave me that space, I was just thinking you was being an ass about things. Like refusing to be near me about that home, when you came to the home that night. I was like oh shit, there is girls there which I had no knowledge of and when I did I told them to go, I was like she is going to be angry with me. But I was so happy to see you, like” I laughed “shit, I love you so much and at times I don’t see it because I am in this Rihanna bubble, when I was out of it. I felt shit, you know” lifting my head up looking at Robyn “I would do anything to protect you, it’s not like old times. But I wanted to know you was giving, and you are. You are worth it” I breathed out; I feel emotional.

I sniffled rubbing my face “like you are asking for full custody of Aeko, I want that. It’s no issue to me, because if you get it Chris he will be in school. He will have stability; he will have love. He will be in school from what nine to three or whatever, during that time we have Fenty, she will be asleep. We can have us time, things will work out. Aeko does not bother me because the boy just wants love and he reminds me of you Chris, Royalty has your hyper side but him. He has your calm nature when you’re not in that mood you are loving, attentive, giving. That is him, I love to see it. It will come out that you will get full custody, and do I care about what they say? Not really because at the end of the day I am giving him love his mother is not showing him, my mom said she rather him call her Gran, it’s comforting, and he did. He’s apprehensive with new people, he’s a little like you. He likes his bubble I guess but it’s all new to us, and I am glad it opened your eyes. Your son deserves happiness” nodding my head “he does, I just think he went on in my mind that she threw him to us to make you hate me. She wanted to destroy my marriage, it could have happened, and she wanted that. I saw him has a bad thing; I was scared you know. And then hearing she was mean to him, fucks me up. I am angry at myself for being the way I am, I can imagine she disliked him every time I refused to see her, I hope he doesn’t turn out like me mentally” Robyn shook her head “we going to bring good vibes to that boy, wait till he goes to Barbados. Majesty already teaching him the ways” I busted out laughing “good luck to him, Bajan women don’t play. I know” Robyn winked at me.

I grinned so wide, Stephan is such a romantic at heart “man, guess what? So like I was figuring out what to do, you know with that. So Stephan is like let me look, he helped me out. He picked this hotel for me; he was like Miss Rihanna got to be treated good fam. But should be good, looked good in the pictures. It’s an adult only boutique hotel and we have private beach, private pool, we going to be so good” I am excited “it’s only for one night though, that sucks” looking out of the window as Rich made his way back “I know, but let’s think of the alone time we are going to have” opening the car door “got the keys for you” getting out of the car “thank you” taking the hotel key from him “your butler is going to walk you but I was like these two need privacy and no butler” he laughed “oh one hundred percent, the butler needs to go” holding my hand out for Robyn to get out of the car “Rich take a picture of Chris and I” Robyn is back on her picture mode “my husband looks so handsome, and he smells so good. I promise, one more glass of wine” side eyeing Robyn, she is loving her drink. Letting Robyn’ hand go looking around the area, it is so serene, so quiet and private “Chris” turning back around, placing my arm around Robyn’ should as she leaned into me placing her hand on my chest “got it!” Rich said post it for me and put the caption. The parents, thanks Rich” Robyn looks so excited, she is already skipping to get the bags out.

Robyn squealed as we got into the room “thanks bro, I think we will be ok now. See you tomorrow” dapping Rich “see you tomorrow Chris” kicking the bags inside and letting the door close “Chris, oh my god!! Look at this room, aww. The rose petals and the balloons. But look at the view! The sea view, oh my god!” Robyn is gushing about it all, I am glad she likes it. Putting the bag down “come Chris, let’s go outside, the beach is literally there for us, and there is a bed, we can sleep under the stars!” I chuckled walking towards Robyn as she is pushing open the sliding door wider, stepping outside squinting my eyes. The light sea breeze gently hit my face, it was a nice feeling “come” holding my hand out to Robyn, she placed her hand in mine. There is a rocky surface that leads towards the sea “this is beautiful Robyn, don’t you think” walking onto the rocky surface, Robyn let my hand go “you go ahead, turn to me after. I want a picture of you” nodding my head as I made my way to the edge “turn to me baby” turning around to Robyn “you look so handsome” Robyn took pictures of me “smile” shaking my head but I ended up smiling, I can’t help it. I am here with the love of my life, of course I am happy.

Side eyeing Robyn, like her time away with me is her torturing me “but why?” I said, Robyn zipped up the onesie “because we match, stop being miserable. It’s just me, you and being comfortable” she has really got me out here wearing Savage x Fenty onesie “is this what you had in that bag!? I was expecting sexy lingerie, you fooled me!” I pointed at her, Robyn snorted laughing “but we look cute, come. Let’s take a cute picture in the mirror, I want memories” Robyn hate mes, she has got to hate me to make me wear this and then wanting pictures “let’s save the sexy for later, right now we can just relax” standing behind Robyn poking my lips out “stop it” licking my top lip standing behind Robyn “couples that wear onesies together stay together forever, remember that” laughing at my crazy wife “if I didn’t love you I would be divorcing you” I mean I may be fronting right now but this is comfy “mhmm, these are comfy” I admitted “see! Fenty never fails, now stop whining” jumping on the bed face first “wow, ruining the rose petals on the bed” I am tired now, I am tired from doing nothing and this is all Robyn’ fault.

I lifted my arm onto the back of the couch inviting Robyn to snuggle up next to me “having to go and pee and wearing a onesie is a pain” Robyn complained “mhmm well I got cold without you” I grinned at her “don’t play me, you liar” Robyn snuggled up to my chest, laying her head on my shoulder “never, I really did” entwining her feet with mine while I covered us both with the blanket. We are watching a movie, well I am trying to be good and concentrate on this movie like a good boy, just have some cuddle time but I am dying to just get to the point of having some sex. I think Robyn and I both know what this time is for and it is not this, it’s sex and I want it. My hand moved from the back of the couch to play with Robyn’ hair, then moving my other hand under the blanket and rubbed her thigh. Robyn draped her leg over mine, between me playing with her hair and lightly rubbing her leg, she let out a small content moan. Resting my head atop of hers and smiled, she knows it and here we are in these onesies “gummy bear” I said “mhmm, yeah?” Robyn mumbled “you smell good baby, I like it” she took a deep breath “So do you, you’re being so sweet with me Chris. Like I know, I feel it but here you are being the sweetest most gentle guy with me. I love it” I breathed out laughing but went back to softly caressing her. Robyn sat up from him, twisting her body so that she easily slid into my lap. Both of my hands now rubbed over her legs, I began to massage her inner thighs, I am annoyed that this onesie is in the way now.

Robyn once again moves, it’s like she is irritated “what is it?” I said laughing but she leans in to finally kiss my lips. A soft kiss to my lips but I capture her bottom lip in between mine as we deepened the kissing, our tongues touching. Our kiss morphs from sweet and tender to wet and hungry. She grabs my shoulders and brings her hands behind my neck. My hands grip her waist firmly as I press her down onto me. The kiss breaks away and I traces her lips with my thumb “I want to take my time with you. I want to enjoy you in this moment, I been waiting all this time. It’s going to be good” Robyn smiles, and we kiss more. She kisses my neck. I lean back smiling, Robyn pulled the zip down a little on the onesie as she kisses down my chest, and I lean back farther totally relaxing. Looking behind me, reaching over and grabbing the already pre-made blunts from the side “here” holding it out to her, her lips parted a little and I placed the blunt between her lips “you know how to smoke this still?” I grinned and then bit my bottom lips, lighting the blunt for her and then placed the lighter behind me. Looking back at my wife as she smoked the blunt, she looks like she is in euphoria right now, she moved closed to me and blew the smoke in my face before pressing a kiss to my lips “you happy now” I chuckled kissing her lips again “I will be back, just wait there” Robyn smirked as she shuffled off of me with the blunt.

I hope I am still as arousing as I was to him, I hope I get the reaction I want from him. I swear if he makes me angry then I will be so angry and this whole night will be ruined and I will not give him any sex, I really won’t. Taking in a deep breath as I made my way out of the bedroom with my silk robe, I made the effort. I did my makeup again; I just hope he isn’t in that mood. I am feeling really sensitive about myself because of like the change in my body, it’s hard. Slowly walking towards the couch, Chris’ arm just resting across the back of the couch, he is still watching the movie. The heels hitting the marble flooring with each step, watching Chris’ hand flinch, he knows I am coming. I hate that I am already ready to giggle, I am feeling a little nervous at the same time. Chris hasn’t turned his head to look at all, he remained in that position of just watching the TV. I just want to see the look in his eyes, go back to the way he would take his time to satisfy me constantly.

Chris has such an attitude sitting on this couch, he knows and he instantly chuckled “was I long?” untying the robe in front of him and dropping it to the ground exposing the lace corset, Chris mouth fell open, now I don’t know what to do with myself “no” he breathed out, he gulped as he watched me “wow, your body” he licked his lips, now I feel all shy because of his glare. Chris got up from the couch “don’t be shy, you look so beautiful. Like on god” he looked down at himself “my dick is getting hard already, wow” he grabbed my hand “twirl for me” I giggled as I twirled for him slowly “my, my, my Robyn Brown” I let out a yelp as he slapped my bare butt and gripped it, pulling me closer to him “I am so turned on now” biting my bottom lip staring up at Chris, feeling Chris’ hand dip to my panties, he gasped “say what!?” I laughed “uh, they are crotchless” he raised an eyebrow, he is shocked at such a thing “no need to wait got a thing then huh”

Chris held me in his arms and we both locked eyes as Chris slid into me with ease, my wet walls griping him tightly. My back against the ball, he held my hands against the wall above my head, thrusting in and out of me, I expected him to be fast but he was easing himself in and out, I breathed out feeling him fill me with his whole length “fuck me” Chris moaned, I arched my hips out, meeting him with each thrust. My legs tied around his waist, pushing him in closer “Chris!” I gasped out tilting my head back, he let go of my hands and placed one of his hands on my lower back. I clung to him, my body falling weak with pleasure. Loud gasps and moans filled the room. My muscles involuntarily clenching around him as he hit her with one powerful stroke after another “Fuck yes, Fitz, just... ahhhh..” I bit into my bottom lip, my eyes rolling to the back of her head. Chris gripped my neck, pulling my head back and placing wet kisses to my neck. Licking his way around my neck “Chris” I cried out, my eyes wide with pleasure. I shuddered and my mouth fell open but only a gentle coo left my lips, my orgasm knocking me silent. Placing my hands at the side of Chris’ face just staring into his eyes “fuck, I love you” Chris said as he kissed me roughly.

[highqueenofelfhame]

when we were kids, two.

Her first stop upon stepping off the plane and into her rental car had been a ride straight to Rowan Whitethorn’s house. It was small and simple, a white house with green shutters like Aelin had wanted at the time. Looking at it from the outside, it was entirely the same. Even the dog sleeping on the edge of the porch with her nose drooping over the side. 

“Fleetfoot,” she said, but the dog didn’t come. She was frowning at her, hand shielding her face from the part of the sun that was managing to wiggle its way between her sunglasses when the front door opened a man walked out. 

At first, she had half the mind to think she was at the wrong house. That maybe Rowan didn’t still live in their little house anymore. That, maybe, he lived somewhere else. But then she noticed that the silvery hair - piled on top of his head in the messiest bun she’d ever seen - only looked darker than it was because it was smudged in places with some sort of black substance. Grease, maybe, but she couldn’t really tell. Not that it mattered. This was not the Rowan Whitethorn that she had left behind. 

That man was a boy in comparison to the one that stood on the front porch, looking at her like he’d seen a ghost. Because this man was completely packed with muscle. This man was all hard lines and angles and a very feminine part of her pointed out just how hard she was ogling him but gods above had the years been kind to him. Rowan, it seemed, looked better than he’d ever looked when they were together. Rowan had transformed into something else entirely. Handsome before, but gods above her mouth was dry and she needed a drink. 

“What… are you doing here?” His words were slow and careful, as though he were at a complete loss. She could understand why. Aelin hadn’t been back to Orynth since she’d left when she was twenty. Rowan had been twenty-one, and now the man before her was twenty-nine and every inch of him was corded with muscle that she didn’t know where it came from. He’d always had a nice body, but… this was something else entirely. The sleeves of his shirt nearly struggled to keep his biceps contained, Gods above and — 

And she was engaged to be married. 

“I need my papers signed, Rowan. You wouldn’t do it with me in Rifthold so I thought if I came here you’d stop fucking around and sign my damn papers.” His face went completely blank and he turned and walked back inside, the screen door of their house - his house - slamming behind him. It took everything in her to not stomp her foot and scream in rage. Instead, she stormed up the steps and let herself in, guns blazing and ready to fight. “Do you have any idea how expensive my attorney is?”

“Ending our marriage is just about money to you?”

“Getting a divorce is about freeing myself from your stubborn ass!” The wildfire that she’d always felt around him was just that, wild and out of control. Her face was red with fury, her skin crawling in a way that only Rowan could manage.

“Get out of my house.”

“Sign my papers, Rowan Whitethorn, and I’ll do whatever you want me to do.” Rowan snorted, ignoring her statement entirely as he gestured toward the front door with his beer. 

“You’ll do what I want before I even touch those papers, Aelin Whitethorn Galathynius. Get out.” He had started walking toward her and, in a moment of embarrassing intimidation, she nearly tripped over herself as she stumbled backwards and out the door. Gods, he was huge. He’d always been a good head taller than her, but now with all the muscle… with his jaw clenched like that he was downright scary. 

Before she even realized she was outside on the porch, he jerked the door and slammed it in her face.

“Why won’t you just sign my papers!” 

~*~

From inside, her voice was muted but he knew what she had yelled. Why won’t you just sign my papers? A lot of reasons, the first being —

“Because you have turned into some fire-breathing bitch and I’d like nothing more than to piss you off!”

He had been furious enough when he had recognized that, after eight years, his wife was back in Orynth. Not only was so back, she was being an ungrateful brat, yelling at him and throwing tantrums in his driveway like she owned the damn place. The house was in his name, thank you very much. 

The anger only manifested when, as he downed several gulps of his beer, that he heard the lock click and the door swing open. Again, like she owned the damn place. It might have been their house, but she had been gone for so long that there wasn’t a corner that still smelled like her. Even the room that housed what she had left behind didn’t carry a single ounce of her scent anymore. If anything it smelled as musty as their marriage. He tried not to go into that room. 

Rowan turned slowly on his heel to find his bitch of a wife staring at him with a hand on her hip and the spare key she’d hidden nine years ago held between two fingers. 

At the time, it had been a running joke. It had been funny that Rowan didn’t know where the key was because he wasn’t ever the one who needed it. Aelin locked herself out constantly and Rowan used to joke that if she told him where it was, that he’d start getting locked out, too. Now that she was using it to practically break and enter, Rowan didn’t find it so funny. But Aelin did. 

Knowing it would likely backfire, Rowan pulled out his phone and sent off a text, praying to any god that would listen to dispose of his wife. He didn’t care if that disposal happened at the bottom of a lake. Or a ravine. A quarry, even. He just wanted her gone and off his property. Never-mind that the property used to be theirs. It was his, and she had no right to be on it. 

“You can’t call the police on me for walking into my own damn house,” she all but shrieked when the police car, flashing lights and all, rolled into the driveway. 

“You don’t live here,” he hissed at her, reaching for the key in her hand that she managed to keep out of his grip. Nobody had ever got quite so deep under his skin like Aelin had. It was like having a thousand splinters shoved under your fingernails. She herself was a splinter in the nail bed that was his life. 

Rowan let out a heavy sigh and walked over to the front door when he heard the police car door slam shut, silently hoping it be anyone but —

“Aelin Ashryver Galathynius, as I live and fucking breathe,” the low voice grumbled, followed by quick footsteps that resulted in two strong arms snatching up her lithe body. Aelin went from squealing to sobbing in seconds, and Rowan could make out the way her shoulders shook with something between excitement and remorse at what she left behind. If she even felt that sort of thing. 

If only Lorcan had answered the plea for help himself and not sent Aedion fucking Ashryver instead. 

~*~ 

Seeing Aedion again after eight years was a combination of the best and worst thing to happen to her today. Arguing with Rowan had definitely been worse, but… leaving Aedion behind again wasn’t going to be easy. Some small part of her had hoped to slip into Orynth and back out again without having to see her family at all, but she knew how awful that was. 

It wasn’t because she didn’t love her family. Aelin adored her parents. Aedion had been her best friend besides Rowan growing up. She missed Aedion and her mom and dad every single day. Some days so much she felt like she couldn’t breathe. On those days, she tended to roll closer to Chaol and hold him tighter because it felt like he was all she had in the world. 

But her parents didn’t want to visit her in Rifthold, and Aedion had come once and never gone back after that. In the pending divorce, it was like Rowan had won the dog and her family. Not to mention his own. Fleetfoot hadn’t even come to her when she’d called her. 

But now, with her arms tight around Aedion’s neck for the first time in six years, some part of her felt whole again. She wasn’t a fire-breathing bitch to Aedion, she was only ever Aelin. 

Maybe she hadn’t lost everyone in the divorce after all. 

~*~

The entire drive to her parents house, they talked about everything they’d missed like they’d not spoken in years. It wasn’t true, they talked almost every day, but there was something different about seeing someone in person when it had been such a long time that you looked like different people. 

Even as they drove by different landmarks around the city, Aedion brought up different memories or shenanigans they had all gotten into when they were younger. And gods did it feel good to laugh so freely with her hand in his. 

But the closer they got to her parents house, the closer she got to revealing the news of her engagement to her mom and dad, the heavier the weight seemed to be. She was asking a man for a divorce so she could spin right into another marriage. A divorce from a man that they loved and had spent more time with in his life than they had her own. Divorcing a man that was literally a son to them to wed someone they only knew through photos. It was a sinking feeling, but not because she wasn’t thrilled about marrying Chaol. But because she was thrilled about divorcing Rowan. 

“Aelin?” Her mother’s voice was laced with surprise as she took in her only daughter sliding out of Aedion’s police cruiser. The weak smile that she gave her mom didn’t say everything she wished it did, but the tears that started to fall very well may. When her mom wrapped her arms around her Aelin couldn’t help the sobs that broke out for a second time that evening. She had missed her mother’s cool touch, her loving embrace, her scent so fiercely that she hadn’t even realized how much. “Rhoe! Our baby is home!” Her father didn’t hesitate to pull her from her mother’s arms, only for her mom to worm her way back into the embrace. It was the happiest she had felt in a long time. 

“I can’t believe you saw Aedion first -”

“I picked her up from Rowan,” Aedion interjected, hands sliding into his pockets as he leaned against the front porch. Aelin gaped at him, wanting to throw a vulgar gesture over her shoulder while her parents led her inside, but his laughter followed her in as he shouted he’d be back tomorrow. Good. She wanted her parents to herself. 

“So we’re last priority, is it?” Rhoe asked, sitting on the couch and tugging Aelin to sit beside him. She offered him a half smile, wiping at her nose with her other hand. 

“That’s not how it is, Daddy, I just need Rowan to sign my divorce papers is all.” Her father leaned back a bit at that, brows raised in what she could only assume was surprise. But why? Aelin had been trying to divorce Rowan for years. 

“Maybe he’s changed, Fireheart,” he said softly, and Aelin snorted in surprise. Behind her, she could hear her mother clicking her tongue at her father as if telling him to knock it off. 

“Nobody can change that much. He showed up half-drunk to our wedding and threw up on my shoes. We didn’t dance at our reception, he forgot his vows, he —”

“Was a boy then. He has grown into a fine man, and -”

“You know who is a fine man, Dad?” Aelin, nostrils flared began to dig through her purse until she found the engagement ring Chaol had slid on her finger days before. She shoved it onto her finger so hard that she almost broke her nail in the process.  “My fiance. My fiance is a fine man that doesn’t tell me I’m a fire-breathing bitch for going after what I want. He isn’t going to ruin my wedding day, he’s going to show up to the reception and dance with me, and dammit, Dad, he loves me more than Rowan ever did. So please, save your breath on selling Rowan on me again. This is unreal.” Aelin pushed herself to her feet, grabbed her bags, and began walking herself back to her old room. “I’m going to bed.”

@starseternalnighttriumphant @musicmaam @city-of-fae @kandasboi @the-regal-warrior @empire-of-wildfire @tangledraysofsunshine  @lorcansalvaterree @valarian-trash @hey-its-grey @sleeping-and-books @thephilosophyofblank @breezyfreezey @westofmoon @tonystarksbish @mariamuses @thereaderandfangirl @silvermindedwarrior @rosesandglass @xxhopelesspeachesxx @maraadyyer @flowerspringsea @the-bookloving-girl @vartineh @mis-lil-red @but-she-was-aelin-galathynius @dreamcatchersimss @chemicha @vi0let-femmes​ @ttakeitbacknoww​ @http-itsrebecca 

[nisrinafm]

greetings   bubs   !   the   way   i’m   posting   this   late   because   i   spent   most   of   my   time   staring   instead   of   writing   asdj   .   i’m   gi   ,   and   wow   ?   i   am   so   excited   to   be  here   .   i   hate   to   say   it   ,   i   hope   i   don’t   sound   ridiculous   ,   but   rich   kids   plots   own   me   .   i’ll   be   bringing   you   the   complex   but   loving   nisrina   ,   and   if   you’d   like   to   know   more   about   her   just   keep   on   reading   .   

❝   UPCOMING   SINGER   NISRINA   VASQUEZ   SPOTTED   IN   A   SCREAMING   MATCH   WITH   AN   UNKNOWN   NUMBER                         WHO   COULD   IT   BE   ?   ❞      

        only   five   minutes   ‘till   midnight   ,   and   we   just   spotted   nisrina   vasquez   ,   known   for   a   single   diamond   hanging   between   collar   bones   ,   painted   fingers   ,   &   the   eagerness   to   lose   herself   in   the   moment   ,   at   club   nouvea   ,   ringing   in   the   new   year   !   the   twenty   one   year   old   is   usually   known   for   their   job   as   a   musician   ,   but   tonight   ,   they’re   just   another   reveler   in   the   crowd   .   when   they   wrote   down   their   new   year’s   resolution   ,   they   wished   to   find   forgiveness   not   for   her   mother   ,   but   for   herself   ,   release   her   first   album   ,   &   break   it   to   her   father   that   she   does   not   want  to   take  over   his   hotels   .   funny   enough   ,   they   had   also   mentioned   how   they   hoped   to   forget   about   the   time   that   they   REDACTED   .   for   what   it’s   worth   ,   i   truly   hope   they   can   put   the   old   year   past   them   .      

full   name.   nisrina  lluvia   vasquez   .   

 gender   ,   pronouns.   cis  woman  ,  she  and  her   .   

 date   of   birth.   august   seventh   ,   nineteen   ninety   nine   .   

 age.   twenty   one   .   

 zodiac   sign.   leo   .   

 hometown.   las   vegas   ,   nevada   .   

 current   living   place.   new   york   .     

orientation.   bisexual   ,   biromantic   .   

 languages.   english   &   spanish   (   fluent   )   ,   italian   (   conversational   )   . 

 tattoos  ,   piercings.    asdfgh   . 

occupation.   musician  .

voiceclaim.   sabrina   claudio   .

  had   nisrina   been   the   answer   to   a   couple   that   longed   for   a   family   ?   no   ,   not   even   close   .    she   was   a   solution   .   the   product   of   desperation   that   panicked   at   the   discussion   of   divorce   and   a   future   lost   of   riches   :      for   the   vasquez’s   ,   marriage   was   not   fabricated   to   contain   genuineness   ,   but   to   benefit   both   parties   while   providing   a   stable   front   to   the   media   .   what   was   expected   from   one   another   was   not   love   ,   it   was   to   withhold   the   agreement   that   landed   two   bodies   muttering   the   words   ,   “   i   do   ,   “   .   a   child   ?   was   never   spoken   of   ,   nor   wanted   .   getting   pregnant   was   a   hidden   trick   of   manipulation   ,   silent   words   of   leave   me   and   your   unborn   child   now   and   see   what   happens   .

    nisrina   was   a   pawn   in   her   mother’s   selfish   games   ,   an   accessory   placed   in   matching   outfits   and   paraded   around   .   motherhood   ?   it   was   everything   sabine   has   ever   dreamed   of   .   so   much   that   the   minute   the   door   closed   ,   the   minute   the   camera’s   clicked   off   ,   nisrina   was   placed   in   whoever’s   hands   were   the   closest   and   dismissed   .   such   a   loving   mother   ,   right   ?

      so   where’s   nisrina’s   father   in   all   of   this   ?   the   hotel   tycoon   was   the   complete   opposite   from   his   cold   hearted   wife   .   aloof   and   stern   melting   into   a   surprising   pool   of   pure   tenderness   for   his   child   .   he   might   have   been   angry   at   getting   stuck   in   sabine’s   trap   ,   but   that   anger   never   looked   at   his   daughter  ;   while   ezequiel   never   dreamed   of   fatherhood   ,   he   embraced   it   .   it   taking   all   of   one   second   of   staring   down   at   his   daughter’s   face   to   understand   that   she   was   now   his   sun   .

     growing   up   in   the   presence   of   someone   who’s   honest   about   their   lack   of   desire   to   be   a   parent   ,   was   not   something   nisrina   could   stay   ignorant   to   for   too   long   .    her   innocence   normalizing   it   until   she   was   old   enough   to   perceive   the   world   around   her   .   after   that   ,   it   became   something   that   was   sitting   right   in   front  of   her   face   .   it   was   in   the   books   she   read   ,   the   movies   she   watched   ,   and   in   the   feeling   she   got   as   she   surveyed   her   friends   mother’s   who   looked   down   at   them   with   tenderness   spilling   from   their   hues   .

     nisrina    ,   she   clung   to   the   good   in   those   around   her   ;   no   matter   how   many   times   those   people   proved   themselves   to   be   anything   but   deserving   of   her   love   .    and   with   her   mother   ?   she   tried   .   again   and   again   ,   nisrina   would   reach   out   for   sabine   .   cry   for   her   affection   ,   plead   for   an   ounce   of   interest   .   she   could   offer   gentle   smiles   ,   present   her   achievements   ,   even   tried   acting   out   in   hopes   that   it   would   earn   just   the   slightest   reaction  ..   but   nothing   ever   worked   ,   in   fact   it   seemed   to   just   drive   sabine   away   .   until   eventually   ,   nisrina   was   pushed   into   the   arms   of   a   nanny   and   sabine   was   on   a   plane   to   whatever   country   would   get   her   the   farthest   from   her   daughter   .

     ezequiel   smothered   nisrina   ,   went   to   the   extreme   lengths   to   get   her   anything   and   everything   she   could   ever   want   .   he   wanted   to   fill   the   hole   that   sabine   engraved   in   her   ,   swore   that   if   nisrina   would   let   him   ,   he’d   love   her   enough   for   the   both   of   them  .  

    with   sabine   always   mia   ,   and   her   father   never   staying   too   long   in   one   place   for   work   ,   nisrina   would   be   pulled   from   public   school  ,   and   enrolling   in   private   studies   .    giving   her   the   opportunity   to   learn   without   being   present   in   a   school   setting   ,   and   allowing   her   father   to   bring   her   along   with   him   .   nisrina   would   go   from   an   empty   house   with   staff   members   to   her   father   and   his   hotel   staff   .   not   the   biggest   difference   ,   but   to   have   her   father   always   one  room   away   made   her   feel   less   lonely   .  

   during   these   years   ,   she   would   only   speak   to   her   mother   less   then   three   times   a  year  ..   but   at   that   point   ?   she   was   long   over   begging   her   for   affection   .   the   media   would   brand   her   as   a   daddy’s   girl   ,   the   future   face   of   the   vasquez   hotel   chains   .   her   life   could   consist   of   penthouses   ,   ruling   the   hotel   kitchen   ,   running   aimlessly   around   hallways   ,  singing   in   the   dinning   hall   ,   and   finding   family   in   the   strangest   of   places   .   her   father   would   expand   from   las   vegas   ,   to   new   york   ,   to   the   caribbeans   ,    and   eventually   to   italy  .  

    before   her   eighteenth  birthday   ,   her   father   would   divorce   sabine   officially   .   putting   all   of   his   assets   in   his   daughters   name   .    this   would   cause   chaos   in   the   media   ,   and   land  sabine   on   their   front   steps   in   false   tears   and   apologizes  that   meant   absolutely   nothing   to   either   of   them   .   two   year   later   ,   sabine   would   remarry   and   final   ties   would   be   cut   forever   .

      where   is   nisrina   now   ?   nisrina   is   located   in   the   beautiful   city   of   new   york   ,   in   hopes   of   gaining   peace   and   mind   to   construct   her   first   album   since   being   signed   a   year   ago   .   she   is   still   an   absolute   daddy’s   girl   and   has   an   insanely   close   relationship   with   him   .    constantly   on   the   mission   of   bettering   herself   ,   and   moving   on   from   old   wounds   .

*   CONNECTIONS   .

YOU’RE   MY   BABY   ,   EVEN   WHEN   YOU   LEAVE   ME   .  

                                                      that   one   ex   that   she   cannot   let   go   of   ,    their   hold   on   her   too   great   .   it’s   something   she   refuses   to   admit   ,   is   embarrassed   at   how   much   she   loves   them   ,   how   she   keeps   coming   back     .   

I   DON’T   NEED   A   MAN   ,   SHE’S   MY   OTHER   HALF   ,   WE   GOT   SOMETHING   NOT   A   LOT   OF   OTHERS   HAVE   .  

                                                     their   relationship   has   surpassed   besties   ,   their   souls   were   made   for   each   other   .   they’re   each   other’s   person   ,   can   speak   without   communication   ,   bicker   like   sisters   ,   and   are   willing   to   hold   each   other’s   secrets   to   the   grave   .   a   package   deal   to   the   end   .   it’s   a   forever   thing   .

JUST   CAUSE   I   FUCK   YOU   ,   DON’T   MEAN   I   TRUST   YOU   ;   I   DON’T     .  

                                                     a   complex   relationship   of   something   more   but   it   never   crossing   that   line   .   these   two   can   share   a   bed   and   even   affectionate   touches   but   communication  ,   trust   ,   and   commitment   are   not   in  the  books   .

THE   NIGHT   IS   DARK   BUT   THE   MOON   IS   BRIGHT   ,   WE’RE   STARING   AT   THIS   SUMMER   NIGHT   ;   TAN   SKIN   LOOKS   DAMN   GOOD   IN   WHITE   ,   STRIPING   DOWN   BY   THE   HOLLYWOOD   SIGN  

                                                    her   girls   ,   the   definition   that   family   is   not   always   blood   .   from   spontaneous   girl   trips   ,   to   clogging   each   other’s   feed   ,   this   group   of   friends   are   known   for   their   closeness   .    you   either   hate   them   or   you   love   them   ,   but   regardless   they’re   always   going   to   ride   for   one   another  .   

OTHER 

                                                   confidants   ,   ex   friends   ,   close   friends   ,   flings   ,   hookups   ,   rivals   ,   people   she   just   bumps   heads   with   ,   on   and   off   friendships   ,   will   they   wont   they   ,   literally   anything   !!!   give   me   drama   ,   angst   ,   and   cute   friendships      .

[heroes-trash]

personality + powers (theory)

far as i know / have heard, there are 4 possible explanations as to why a person has the power that they have.

the first two are almost the same, really: random chance and genetic inheritance. why they’re the same? because the chance of inheriting (not to mention, expressing!) the exact same traits one of your parents had is pretty low irl as well. much higher is the chance to have something similar, but not rarely are children rather different from both of their parents.

the other two are the ones the show propagates, and while they’re not at all alike, they’re still intertwined: convenience and personality.

the convenience theory is brought up by Daphne in the scene where she, Matt and Ando debate what’ll happen if Ando receives the serum - Daphne is convinced it’ll give him something he needs, citing it’s what happened to her and claiming it also describes Matt’s situation. but the way she says it... it could also make a rather good case for a personality-based theory, and that’s also the one i see most often in fandom.

which is why under the cut, i will go through every single powered character on the show (who we know a reasonable much about) and do a quick analysis of how well each of the latter theories fits them ^^

credited-as main characters:

Peter: personality-based seems more likely, as he is a very giving/empathetic person, and he wants to be extraordinary

Claire: if her ability had activated in Meredith’s burning home, i’d have argued for convenience, but a simple cut in her palm (however deep).... nah. neither seems to apply much here in fact

Hiro: personality-based maybe, because of all his heroic dreams

Matt: Daphne claimed he’d ‘always’ worried was others thought of him, so you can kind of argue personality... but mostly i suppose convenience, in his job as well as possibly generally because of his dyslexia (although he was adamant about not using it to his advantage that way)

Mohinder: one could argue convenience if you consider the fact that some guys tried to rob him when he was still dozing after the injection, and the first thing he did was defend himself against them... but you can defend yourself with many abilities. i once read that his ability amplified him because he’d always ‘had more in him’, and while cheesy, maybe that’s true? so personality-based for him i’d wager

Nathan: his ‘high ambitions’ are basically a running gag at this point, and the comics never fail to overstate how much he’d always loved flying - hell, even the show hints at it. so personality-based for him for sure

Sylar: while we can’t be certain when exactly he activated (at the latest eclipse, or even in his early childhood?), it’s undeniable he is fascinated with complex things. personality-based again

Angela: her powers have often been convenient, but also pretty hit-and-miss; especially at the start, fatally so. and unless you make the stretch to her taking responsibility (= being farsighted) young, i don’t really see personality-based either, so neither seems to really apply

Micah: we first see him use his power to help his family, but he surely had it before - he seemed confident with it already at that point. he’s smart, and very interested in electronics; though we can’t know for sure which came first (see Sylar), personality-based is likely here too

D.L.: arguably a good example for convenience, as he (according to some deleted scenes, anyway) first manifested when he was desperate to get out of prison 

Isaac: as apparently you don’t need to be able to paint to be a precog painter (see Peter’s stick figures), i don’t see how either much applies here...

Elle: again neither looks very likely, unless you stretch personality-based to electrifying-slash-prickly (and she activated at nine so ,,,)

Monica: she’s ambitious and wants to be more successful than her family before her, and support them and herself - so is that convenience or personality, now? i’d argue convenience, because nothing in her suggests she specifically wants to copy other people

Samuel: frankly we don’t know enough of him to argue for either, but it’s definitely not convenience-based because he literally activated before he was born (much like Nathan and Malina), sooo

Ando: funnily enough, although Daphne argued so hard for convenience, i’d say it’s a personality-based case for him - he is the devoted friend, the designated sidekick in the best way. or is that convenience again after all... bit of both maybe

Niki: i’m not quite sure about convenience here honestly, as we don’t really see her first first time of using her ability (Jessica threatening her (their?) father was an early one, but the first?? no, how would she even know?) - and it’s even kinda implied in the comics that the triplets all started expressing theirs as teenagers or even younger - but the strength of an abuse survivor....... yeah i’d go with personality-based

Maya: she’s a bit whiny and occasionally bitter sure, but there’s nothing in her personality to suggest she wants to commit mass murder every time she’s upset. it’s not even convenient, really [well it was in Exodus but ,,,] so [for the timeline we wound up getting] i’d argue neither

Adam: what i couldn’t claim for Claire, absolutely applies to him - his ability literally saved his life upon first manifesting, so convenience here for sure. (although he’s pretty persevering, in a very weasle-y way...)

Tracy: again with the comics implying the triplets activated as teens / even kids!!! but discounting that.... personality-based, i guess? what with her ice-cold career-orientated attitude... sure there’s some convenience in the mix, but there are a lot more convenient ways of getting rid of a journalist than killing him, so :’D

other relevant characters, introduced in S1:

René: convenience is straight out of the window here, considering his primary ability activating got his people killed/abused, and his secondary ability activating killed those oppressors (which only on first glance sounds good) - but personality-based? i’m not sure either... he’s an unsuspecting little fellow, but that’s not quite enough... and he uses his ability to fight against ability abuse he experienced as a kid, but i’m still not sure. thoughts? i’ll tentatively say neither...

Molly: neither really fits, far as we know

Charlie: she has a strong interest in learning and we can at least assume that didn’t just start when she discovered she was good at it - so i’d say personality-based

Claude: i’d tentatively argue for convenience, as he isn’t exactly the most subtle fellow... and has been obscuring his identity even before he started working for the Company (!!), so he’s likely running from smth, for which his ability is definitely very useful

Sanjog: we absolutely don’t know enough about him to argue for either, although he does seem to embrace his ability, so maybe he wanted something like this....?? really all speculation though

Charles: he seems like an empathetic, kind man - so telepathy isn’t the biggest stretch for personality-based. it is however some stretch, so how about convenience? well; we do see him using it to stop (well...pause) racist regulations and police brutality......

Linderman: very classic case of convenience-based, as the first time he activated, he healed his dying mother

Ted: neither in my opinion - his ability isn’t even slightly convenient for him, and he is stubborn not unstable far as we at all know

Hana: possibly neither, possibly a bit of both, as she is a descendant of fighters and a spy herself - but then that’s too wide a field, a lot of abilities could help with that... i say neither

Eden: convenience, as she first used it to escape her oppressive home

Paulette: we don’t really know enough about her to argue for either

Meredith: neither seems quite likely - her ability hasn’t exactly brought her much luck, and she has a strong character but not exactly fiery enough to quite play into that cliché, either

Kaito: very likely personality-based, as his ability plays right into his career ambitions (in fact pretty much was what made him so successful so fast)

Candice: something both, something in-between, maybe? she dreamed herself away, and dreamt of punishing her bullies, and she could do both with this ability

other relevant characters, introduced in later seasons:

West: he enjoys being special, but apart from that, there is no real evidence that can be used to argue for either

Alejandro: [if you even assume he has an ability, i personally have some Doubts] probably personality-based, as he is Maya’s other half one way or another

Bob: his ability is objectively convenient, but i’m still not sure an argument can be made for either, as too little (= nothing) is known about his childhood, and neither about his character except ambitious/controlling and kind of a loser when it comes to relationships (divorced and often the fifth (or seventh) wheel when younger)

Maury: another case of too little information for either - he seems to submit to strength/authority rather easily, and only ever committed petty crime, so one can’t argue for criminal mastermind either

Doyle: i don’t think there’s been any information on how he activated (correct me if i’m wrong), and while he does use his ability to compensate for being unsuccessful in forming,, Any kinds of relationships, i still wouldn’t say it’s necessarily personality-based (and something this broad definitely doesn’t qualify as convenience)

Alice: her ability isn’t exactly what you’d call convenient :’D and personality-based would probably be something more fairytale-esque for her, so that’s out as well

Alex: he’s a swimmer, so a bit in-between i suppose (we once more don’t know enough to argue semantics)

Samson: we definitely don’t know enough about him or what he was like before activating (is this ‘putting animals/people to sleep’ thing even part of his primary ability, or does is that just his preferred hunting tool like telekinesis is for his son?)

Luke: we don’t know how he first activated, but maybe personality-based works if you stretch it to ‘destructive teen’...?

'Baron Samedi’: both seem plausible if he’s always dreamed of ‘making it big’ (in his way), which i think we can safely assume, but once more we don’t know nearly enough about his childhood, and technically there’s a lot of ability that are good for demonstrating strenght... maybe he first activated in a firefight (with the Tonton Macoute?).........?? but that’s pure speculation

Arthur: he has always been ruthless and controlling, and never for a minute believed that people with abilities should stick together by default - being able to take them away from others to strengthen himself fully plays into his personality imo

Ishi: apart from apparently being a nurturing, sweet mother, we know little of her... i’d tentatively argue for personality-based, but who knows how she activated?? too little information, again

Daphne: convenience for sure, there’s a reasons she made a case for that

Knox: general question - is ‘circumstances X grew up in’ still convenience or personality already?

Jesse: same as Knox pretty much, we can’t know

Flint: i’d carefully say unstable temperament -> personality

Scott: again a bit of a what-came-first question: he wanted to be ‘’better’’, but did he always want that or did that only come from past failures and the resulting fear for the future? we don’t know because we barely know him

James Martin: i’ll stick my neck out for personality-based, that he’d longed to be somebody else, somebody significant for a while even before activating (i mean - why else impersonate others instead of just improving himself?)

Emma: mostly convenience-based, but as she has a general affinity for music and soft things... in-between, maybe?

Edgar: IF he was indeed the commitment-averse guy Lydia described, i’d say personality-based, but i’m honestly torn about that and don’t have any other significant things, so i won’t speak a final verdict

Rebecca: convenience for sure, for hiding and revenge

Lydia: assuming here she indeed activated young, this is another difficult one - maybe she was always empathetic, maybe not??

Joseph: his ability sure is convenient, but it’s absolutely unclear whether other people perceived him as pleasant/trustworthy because he made them feel that way (literally) or whether that links back to his true character. he seems like a responsible guy overall, but that doesn’t get you to either side of the coin, only an in-between

now i left out some of the most obviously inherited ones / ones that at least have a heritable component. those are, in short: Peter(-Arthur), Matt(-Maury), Sylar(-Samson), (Maya-Alejandro?), Ted(-Mindy), Meredith(-Flint), and the Bowman family

and i also left out Reborn, which works a lot more with heritable abilities, but this post is really long enough already :’D

so, final summary (regarding convenience vs personality):

convenience-based: 11

personality-based: 15

both/in-between: 4

neither: 12

too little information: 14

which makes for a pretty even split that lets one argue for whatever they prefer, honestly XD still hope this was enlightening/interesting to read, and looking forward to all of your opinions!!

[charliejrogers]

Miracle on 34th Street (1947) - Review & Analysis

What a weird, wonderful movie. Miracle on 34th Street is quite possibly the oddest Christmas movie I’ve ever seen. In part this is due to the fact that some stuff just doesn’t age well. How many old, strange men are you willing to let your seven-year-old daughter hang out alone with, Ms. Doris Walker?! But also it’s weird because because despite its typical Christmas-movie themes of faith/belief, true love, family, etc… it’s a wholly unique film that doubles as a legal drama!

This was my first viewing of the perennial classic, a film which started as a story by Valentine Davies and was adapted for the screen and then subsequently directed by George Seaton. Though baptized a Roman Catholic, Seaton himself grew up in a Jewish neighborhood of Detroit. He even had a bar mitzvah. I wonder how much of Seaton’s upbringing affected the final product we see. The central theme of holding faith in something that doesn’t make sense to those around you probably resonated strongly for the director who as a kid who became interested in a religion that was foreign to both of his Swedish immigrant parents.

From a direction standpoint, it’s fairly by the books and of its time, with a few notable exceptions, one being the opening credits sequence which shows a lone man walking slowly about the NYC streets from behind. He’s dressed in all black and we have no idea who he could be. He could literally be anyone in the world. Then all of a sudden, like magic, his face is revealed: the man we’re following is Santa Claus! Or, at least it looks a whole lot like him. What is Santa Claus doing in New York? Is this even Santa Claus?

These are questions that end up being central to the movie and just straight up never get answered. I loved that writing choice. The writing is the first of the film’s three big stars. This film won the Oscar for both best story and best adapted screenplay and it deserves every ounce of those awards. The story is so sublimely clever. Put shortly, the movie is about a man who claims to be Santa Claus and due to his uncanny resemblance to the jolly holiday figure, his natural aptitude for talking to children, and his almost savant-like knowledge of toy stores in Manhattan, he gets hired to be the mall Santa for Macy’s flagship Manhattan store. However, not everyone is as convinced that he is the real Kris Kringle. Certainly the Macy’s company psychologist does not. An uptight and unpleasant man, he (like others) thinks Kringle is utterly delusional but (unlike others) he also thinks these delusions presage future violence whenever inevitably others may challenge Kringle on this delusion. The psychologist thus schemes to get Mr. Kringle committed to *cue thunderclaps* Bellevue!

What ensues is a legal battle. I can’t imagine any other Christmas movie whose climax ends in a courtroom but it’s an incredibly satisfying thing to watch. We have the idealistic lawyer, Mr. Fred Gailey, who believes that Kringle, while clearly delusional, poses no actual threat to the community and actually does the community a great service in spreading kindness. Nevertheless, has to prove that Mr. Kringle is legally THE Mr. Kringle lest Kringle spend the rest of his life in the looney bin. Note… I have a very healthy and “modern” view of mental health, and would never use the term “looney bin” to describe today’s mental health hospital… but I use the term here because the images we get in the film of Bellevue’s inpatient psych ward are of sedated men in all-white clothing… in other words the movie certainly thinks of being in a psych ward as a looney bin, which adds a bit of dramatic tension to the story.

There’s certainly some not-so-subtle condemnation of psychology going on this movie (at least of the kind practiced by the Macy’s psychologist, Mr. Sawyer (a snivelling Porter Hall)). This was coming at a time when increasingly science was taking the place of religion, so it makes sense that psychology would be an enemy in a movie about faith and clinging to things that don’t make sense. The trial over the existence of Santa Claus almost serves as an inverse Scopes Monkey trial; Kringle even ironically compares his lawyer to Clarence Darrow, the lawyer on behalf of science.

What this movie nails so absolutely perfectly is that honestly… I don’t know if Kringle really isn’t Santa Claus. I’m not claiming that Santa exists in the real world, but in the world of this film, it’s really not obvious whether the film leans one way or another. That’s an ambiguity that tends to make art shine when it’s present. We see through Gailey’ legal maneuvering that the legal defense for Santa Claus’ existence is tenuous at best. At one point he calls the prosecutor’s child to the witness stand to argue that Santa Claus must be real since that is what his Dad (the prosecutor) has always told him. Therefore it seems like the film’s psychological explanations are probably the most likely. Yet at the same time… when a little Dutch girl comes to see Santa at Macy’s because she can “just tell” he’s the real Santa… why else would Kringle know Dutch songs about Santa off the top of his head? Why does an old man who lives in an old folk’s home on Long Island know so much about Manhattan’s toy stores?

And then there’s the more practical questions about Santa lore. Why is Santa in New York? He says he was born in the North Pole… so why did he leave? If he’s real, then why does he need to direct parents on where to buy the best toys? Is it merely that the world has outgrown him?

There’s also a whole economic piece of the script that I won’t even fully touch on. But basically Kringle in attempt to do right by parents, doesn’t merely recommend toys from the Macy’s toy department, but lets them know about better deals on toys that are located in stores elsewhere in Manhattan, including those that are rivals of Macy’s! This policy is such a hit with customers, it ushers in a revolution in department store policy, with department stores across the nation vying to extend more goodwill to customers. As I said, there’s something in there about the power of the free market and how capitalism doesn’t have to be evil... but I’ll leave it there and return to the central questions of the film. Like... does Santa Claus exist?

I don’t know! But the film raises really interesting questions and just leaves them there for us to sit with. Everything that the film tells us points us to the common sense conclusion that this man is NOT the genuine Jolly fellow… yet we want to believe there’s something more and that’s what makes this film so special. We literally as the audience go through the same mental charades as the characters in the film.

Thus far, I’ve attributed this brilliance to the plot, but there’s another absolutely vital element: the performance by Edmund Gwenn as Kris Kringle. This guy deserves every ounce of his Oscar for his performance. There’s not a second that he’s on screen that he doesn’t ooze charisma and charm. This whole movie would fall apart were it not for him, good plotting be damned, since we need to believe, even for mere fits and flitters, that this man is Santa Claus.

Never is he more convincing than when he interacts with children. There’s the absolutely magical scene with the little Dutch girl I mentioned above, but it’s when Kringle chats with little Susan Walker (played to heart-melting perfection by nine-year-old actor Natalie Wood whose got a stink face that never ceased to make me chuckle) that this movie achieves greatness. Though the trial scenes put the theme of faith vs. psychology at the forefront, the real heart of this movie is the conflict of faith vs. practicality. Little Susan is raised by her mother (and her Black nanny/house-caretaker who gets depressingly little credit… or screentime), and her mother Doris Walker (Maureen O’Hara) is a thoroughly practical women. She’s a high-up exec at Macy’s, and seemingly one of the only women to be in such a position. As such, she’s a unique character for her time. Rigidly pragmatic, she eschews any and all attempts at fun and imagination for her daughter (as well as for herself). We get the sense that a different film, a different story, might dive deep into Walker’s struggles as a single mother in the 1940’s trying to be taken seriously in the business world. In a sense, she’s a forerunner to Faye Dunaway’s character in Network. She was clearly hurt by romance in the past (she and her husband divorced, which I imagine was rather scandalous at the time), and this fear of getting hurt by romance is what compels her to teach her daughter to avoid the stuff completely.

Clearly, there’s some cool gendered stuff going on here. Imagination, romance, faith: these are all things that are stereotypically more female-coded, while business, pragmatism are more male-coded. You inherit your father’s name but your mother’s religion as the old tradition went. And in our society at least, the latter (pragmatism/business) is supposed to make you successful and get you places… the former (faith/romance) does not. Yet in this movie, we have idealism and romance of our male lawyer Fred Gailey (John Payne) and the pragmatism of our female businesswoman Doris Walker. It’s a fun play on typical gender norms, but more interesting is to see how this duality plays out in the development of little Susan under the dual influences of her mother and the combination of Misters Gailey & Kringle.

Natalie Wood goes down in the pantheon of all-time great child actors, up there with the kid from Kramer vs. Kramer. She’s precocious but not in a way that’s off-putting. The way she evaluates the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade in such a matter-of-fact way is hilarious, and as I mentioned the stink eye she gives Kringle when he tries to tell her that he’s Santa is nothing short of perfect. Over the course of the film, we see her more harsh nature melt away and she becomes a kid. It’s a beautiful reminder of that childhood only comes once in a lifetime. If this movie shows us nothing, it’s how hard it is to maintain a sense of levity once one becomes an adult. We have to start worrying about what our bosses might think, what the press/public might think, what voters(!) might think. Never again will it be fully OK to have your heads in the clouds and believe in nonsense, so why take that away from children.

As much as this is a perfect film, I could have done without the romance plot. Mostly because it seems unnecessary. Doris seems to change in her attitudes towards Kringle and towards raising her daughter that constitute enough character growth thata having her all of a sudden fall head over heels for Gailey just seems forced. For that matter… Gailey’s a weird dude. This movie romanticizes a weird, creepy type of romance where Gailey spends time with a small girl just to get time with that girl’s mother. Walker and Gailey are such opposites and share no on-screen chemistry, that I just didn’t buy the plot.

But that’s OK. It’s a small blemish on an otherwise wonderful film. It hits different emotions than, say, It’s A Wonderful Life, but it’s magical all that same, and one that I can actually imagine children wanting to watch. It’s unceasingly clever plot, matched by a once-in-a-lifetime performance by Edmund Gween as Kris Kringle and a great child actor performance from Wood make this a must-see movie for any holiday movie fan.

***/ (Three and a half out of four stars)