#my therapist my camp counselor people online

[bunn-iiii]

if another able bodied person gives me advice on my physical disability and, in general, my pain I'm going to violently sob at someone

[doritoplayz-xi]

Hey random thoughts time because yeah

One: I’ve been sick over the past year. Basically since January. I get better then worse. My absences have skyrocketed to 200+ but I don’t know what the fuck is happening. Rn the symptoms are bad coughs at week and drowsiness and inability to stand without stumbling. Wtf

Two: I don’t like the body positivity movement ***in reference to myself*** I don’t like when people will use the your body is perfect the way it is because it feels like their ignoring my gender dysphoria. The whole thing seems like they want to slap on all bodies are beautiful without considering that some bodies may require work to be made beautiful.

Three: despite starting and staying (mostly) on Zoloft my mental health seems to have taken a dive. Now instead of acknowledging the bad thoughts it’s like the badness associated with them is squashed before I can process it. It’s okay in the sense that now I can dryly joke about depression and quickly follow it up with “I have a therapist and am on meds don’t tell the counselor” whenever a teacher or student gets pissy. But I still made a maybe but maybe not shit choice to cut off a majority of my friend because maybe Zoloft helped me see that I was doing the same ignore the bad thing I do with my thoughts?

Four: what the fuck is the deal with Europeans and their superiority complex over Americans? Plus the “banter” they use often becomes harmful stereotypes and crying “no culture” some one better equipped could talk about all the different American cultures but I’ll talk about my “American” culture experience. American culture to me is going to school and meeting up with half a dozen different people. To me it’s heading to the library and supermarket to hang out with friends. To me it’s Fourth of July fireworks (legal or not) and going up into the mountains for summer camp. It’s the crappy school system and the friends I make in it. It’s learning about other states odd things that I could never imagine doing myself. It’s hearing my transplant mom talk about how my state is different from her childhood one. It’s living life while surrounded by other cultures because at the end of the day americas a melting pot of cultures that we make our own soup of. It’s become stupidly patriotic as a in joke online when insults are lobbed. Also fuck the Brit’s 🦅🦅 🦅🦅🦅🦅/hj

[borderlinebastard]

life update

to start out the year I tried doing lots of new things: boxing, a photography group, a drama group, Toastmasters. at the same time I was volunteering at a charity shop, helping sort stock and serving customers at the till. got rid of a bunch of junk then I decorated my living room with the help of a charity, which then led to me getting interviewed (and it'll go on TV in september!) I went on long walks and talked to strangers. finished a year long D&D campaign with my group, my first completed game. saw an employment advisor. I got burnt out from doing too much for a couple months and smoked way too much weed. saw a counselor but she didn't understand me like my last therapist. the NHS finally got back to me after 3 years with an occupational therapist who also doesn't quite get me, I might stop seeing her soon.

I went on my first real date, didn't end up together but hey, someone was interested in me! went to an island and did some wild camping for the first time; on my own. volunteered as a Day Hub assistant for another charity, and did some research/admin work for another. started writing a novel with a writing class (it's not going great, had a lot of writing block, but eh at least I tried...). took lessons with a class and passed my driving theory test on my first try, my practical test should be next January. took an online class to help me create a good CV and figure out what my skills are.

i applied to a job last week and did 3 interviews: I start it on Monday! that was literally my first interview in 6 years, and the first employer that asked for an interview. I have no idea why they want me working for them. I got 2 pet rats (some of you may remember my rat pfp and posts lol). still working on finding more friends but have been messaging someone online most days for the last couple months, we're friends by now I'd say :) this has been the first summer in several years that I haven't slept through the day for weeks on end.

in terms of my BPD, I feel like the worst symptoms are the feeling of emptiness and unstable self image. it took me months to start applying to jobs because I didn't know -and still don't tbh- know what I want. not just in terms of big life plans, but even daily life things. I find it difficult to feel happy or satisfied or find things funny, though I generally only have 2-3 bad mood days per week which is good. I lost around 20lbs though that's been tough to keep off, even during summer when the appetite isn't so demanding, i still have a long long way to go to be a healthy weight. I've wanted to move to a nearby city but that seems counter-intuitive considering I just decorated and the cost of living is so much higher, the rent I currently have is really good so I can't risk it.

I'm pretty nervous about this new job, it's quite people focused and I have social anxiety. plus it's 50 hours a week. I have no experience in the industry, they're giving me training but who knows how that will go. I hope I don't get burnt out too quickly. a lot of people have been telling me I need to improve my confidence, to stop putting pressure on myself, which is annoying to hear over and over again but maybe if I hear it enough times it'll finally click.

[squareroot-1]

Thinking again about executive function help resources and if they exist (it feels like not but I could be wrong), and not knowing how to find even if they do, and wanting to ask people things etc. And was thinking about different kind of things I want to - try to see if they might help, that I’ve been thinking about.

And then had thought to try to write them down, with here as a place, to have down. (And this was a few days ago so don’t actually entirely remember what I was thinking, but.)

{adding in: as I actually wrote noticed that actually a lot of these are more wanting-people types than formal resources types - not that I don’t want those! Which, don’t know how to look for those *either*...}

A major one I keep thinking about is wanting something like -  keep thinking about it as a camp counselor. This is one where it’d be really cool to find someone who could do it and also *wanted* it, because it also feels like it might work for me to do for someone else? (It’s something I’ve been aware of for a while, that it kind of feels like there’s this stuff where I want support for it, and I can *support other people for it*, but I can’t just do it myself - I can do part A or part B but not both at once).

{Trying to remember what else I was thinking about}

May have been, I forget - not this was prob separate but - I keep wanting to take an online class with someone as a buddy where we take it together.

Basically people to - recruit me into things? Like to just be like, ‘let's do thing X’ where thing X could be like, let’s do coworking on accounts, but could also be like, let’s watch a tv show (which is in fact a major thing I can do way way better not alone than alone). (Consuming other kinds of media, like listening to things, can go here too!) {adding: almost def I won’t always be up for the thing, but that’s also useful bc can get data!}

May not have been thinking about these at the time. 

In general it’s something I’ve thought about that like - I try to use the coworking time I have to work, bc I have so much I need to get done, but other things also benefit from people, with me...

I don’t even - know exactly what I’m thinking about, but kind of like - hanging out with someone in a way that involves using the coworking etc effect, but isn’t on all the time? But is sometimes, probably, but also can have breaks and things? (But also I think mental state is different?)

This one I don’t think I was thinking about at the time, but I have before and was again today.

I feel like I often need an - extra level of coworking. (This one is another one that I feel like I could possibly do for someone also, if I had other person wanting me to do it for them.) This is basically like - on top of the ‘what will you work on’ at the beginning, someone basically prompting me further through steps etc.

Another one don’t think I was thinking about at the time.

I really want help with *organization* (at a lot of levels) - another thing where I just know I need prompting, and can’t do it on my own (but I think it would be really good if I could have it...) (Need to talk to my therapist about a part of this again at some point.) .(Was consuming some stuff about planners today, which brought this to mind - planners being something I could def not do myself, even as I find the concept very 👀 etc. (though also want an e-version, not paper, and have very very particular wants about it)).

[drummergirl231-2]

I don’t even know what to title this.

I’ve been trying to come up with a title for I don’t know how long and now I’m legit crying because I can’t even figure out how to start this post... so this will have to do.

I’m not okay. I can’t keep up with all this and everything going on in my life. I feel like I’m strapped into a car on a collision course for a brick wall and I’m just frozen in fear anticipating the impact. 

Everything has kind of been spiraling out of control in my personal life (if you want you can skip to the bolded headings for what’s relevant to this blog).

My parents - whom a lot of you know about from my GoFundMe - are moving from California to Tennessee. I can’t afford to stay in California so I have to go with them (though they insist my going with them is my choice and that I totally have other options... but whatever. At least I’ll be out of California). 

If my job can’t transfer me, I’ll lose it just when I was going to get the most hours (and therefore money) of the year, but my parents refuse to wait until after Christmas to sell.

My grandma recently died and even though my grandpa (step-grandfather) invited us up to the house at one point, his horrible son met us on the porch and rudely refused to let us in, telling us his father wasn’t seeing anyone. Now that his horrible son has left, grandpa invited my uncle and aunt up, but not my parents or me, and my uncle said he’s going to do what he can to bring us what we want of grandma’s. I didn’t get to say goodbye to my grandma because her death was sudden, and now I’m scared I won’t get to say goodbye to the only grandpa I’ve ever known, either, because I’m moving to Tennessee and he’s 89 and has heart problems and I’m scared he’ll die of a broken heart in every sense. I’d have liked to say goodbye to the house, too. My grandma didn’t want a funeral. She was one of those “Don’t fuss over me,” types who fussed over all of us. I have zero closure in this situation.

I have to get ready to move but have no idea how/when/where to start. I’m terrified of the 4 day journey to Tennessee, trapped in an SUV with my parents and five animals, including my poor elderly cat, Kira, whose anxiety makes mine look mild. I have Misophonia and so many food allergies I can’t eat out so I don’t know how I’ll do food for four days. My parents say they won’t bring the camping stove for me to warm up my lunches. It’s like they never raised an autistic child.

Things have been crazy for “Kristen,” me, but losing my grandparents, my home, possibly my job, and moving far from any family or friends I trust aside... things haven’t been easy for “DG,” me, either. 

As badly as I want to start a youtube channel about Autism, Misophonia, food allergies, gut health, emotional abuse, etc., I cannot find the answers no matter how much I google when it comes to the tech problems I’ve faced. And I’m not even sure when I’d be able to record these videos because my parents are almost never gone. And when they are it’s not for long, and I just want to relax, and breathe, and be in the living room, and talk and sing out loud, and do all the things I don’t get to do when they’re here for just a little bit. I stay in my room so much I feel like I’m a diver holding my breath and as soon as they leave I can surface and gasp for air. 

Also, I’m getting more and more self-conscious about my acne and this one tooth I have that’s crooked because my mom has enjoyed commenting on them lately and it makes me kind of scared to share my face with the internet and last night I legit had a dream about trying to get these things fixed with more braces and foundation. Like what even I literally don’t care about this stuff when people don’t comment on it. Why do I have to be so sensitive?

Problem is, I am figuring out why. I’ve been doing so much research on Narcissistic Personality Disorder and narcissistic abuse to try to understand my parents and childhood and young adult years, that not only have I been able to identify it in my abusers, but I’ve found some traits in myself. And I’ve searched and studied and tried to see if I have it and after this inward witch hunt I have to conclude I don’t have Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but I have a few signs of vulnerable narcissism. Even if they’re not enough for a label, they’re definitely things I need to work on (things like hypersensitivity, victim mentality, sulking and shut down, self-sabotage, things like that... and now apparently vanity, but only when people frequently give me flack about my face). Trouble is I don’t know how to work on these because I have no mentor, no counselor/therapist, no pastor, nothin’. And most of the videos about Narcissism are about identifying it or surviving it as the victim, not growing past the traits, because full-blown narcissists generally don’t acknowledge their flaws and try to fix them. So I’m at this annoying and fruitless phase of “self-improvement” where I just frequently scold myself for my thoughts.

YouTube ambitions and flaws aside, I have people waiting for the next chapter of my fanfic, and no one’s been pushy or anything, but there’s this huge weight on me to write, write, write, but with everything else going on in my life I just feel stuck. Like my brain is just “NERP.” And I feel guilty, like I’m the biggest disappointment to people.

And then there’s this blog itself. 

It’s begun to feel more like an obligation for me rather than recreation. Every week I dread the time after a new episode airs. I want to make posts at my pace, about what I want to talk about, like what I used to do. 

But sometimes the link I get has a weird video player window that I can’t make the right size to make decent gifs, and sometimes I can’t even take screenshots because when I pause it it’ll have the play triangle in the middle of the screen and the bottom of the screen will get dark, or sometimes the link just stops working. So I wait for the episode to go up on watchcartoononline because that’s where it works best for me but in the meantime I’m missing out on the fandom being online and by the time the episode goes up I’m just like, “What if the post I make of this moment gets like zero notes because it’s already been giffed and talked about a million times and I’m late to the party? What if I’m disappointing everyone?”

I try to not post anything until I can post about the episode properly, and I’ve asked people not to send me asks or messages with episode spoilers until they’ve seen proof on my blog that I’ve seen the episode, but that hasn’t stopped them. I get spoilery asks anyway.

I get a link relatively quickly but mainly I ask for people to wait for proof I’ve seen the episode because I want a chance to get my own thoughts on the episode out first before people ask me about specific things or straight up demand I talk about what they want me to talk about on my blog. 

For a couple weeks I even made all my posts and saved them as drafts first so real quick I could just post ‘em all in a row and get ‘em out, because I know the second I post one thing I’ll have everyone going “OMIGOSH SHE’S ONLINE,” and trying to send me asks and messages and I’ll be trying to juggle them all while trying to make more posts about what I want to talk about. I feel like I have to reply to those messages because if I don’t I’m scared they’ll see me make another post after they’ve sent their message and be like, “What the heck she’s online why won’t she reply to me?” So sometimes I’ll just stop posting and hope and pray they think they just missed me or something, which isn’t fair to them.

But then I’ll see something new on my dash - art from khionyohann, new screencaps for the upcoming episode that DuckTalks shared - and I’ll want to reblog it, but then I’ll think: “I can’t reblog anything... people will know I’m online then. And I still haven’t posted about the episode. I can’t do things out of order. They’ll think, ‘Why isn’t she talking about the new episode? Why isn’t she answering my asks? Why isn’t she replying to me?”

And by the time the episode gets posted on watchcartoononline (and as long as I don’t have a migraine and I’m not paralyzed with fear), I make my posts, but by then I feel like I’m super late and I don’t even know what the point is of me reblogging things anymore, if I even remember there were things I wanted to reblog.

My time here has become nothing but me trying to please people while simultaneously trying to hide from them.

So... blarg. All that to say, I’m closing my ask box for a while. And I’m sorry to disappoint people. I’m just so overwhelmed by everything right now. Extroverted thinking isn’t even a cognitive function that comes naturally to an INFJ! It’s utterly exhausting. 

And while I do still want to do more posts about the latest episode, I hope you’ll understand that things are just crazy for me right now and I’m not in a good place. I’m trying to be okay and I’m trying to be so excited about an episode that I get motivated enough find ways to blog about it no matter what but I don’t have the energy. I want to reblog stuff, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I want to interact. 

And for the few I consider true friends on here, please know I’m not asking you to leave me alone or anything. Just know I might not respond as soon as you message me... which, honestly, you’re probably all used to by now, but I still feel super guilty about it.

I just need to simplify my time on here a little bit because I’m not okay.

[prissypickle]

I did it

One year ago today I finished highschool. One year ago today I finished the toughest journeys of all times. Highschool was probably one of the worst experiences of my life. There was so many people who ruined it but there was so many people who made it better for me. My freshman year I attempted suicide and was admitted to a mental hospital and and no school wanted to take me in. At the time Fir Ridge Campus didn’t take in freshman. So I had no choice but to drop out. David Douglas straight up told me that I couldnt go there. I had too many problems and They couldn’t give me an education. In spring of my freshman year I enrolled in an online school called metro east web academy. Of course with all my mental health issues I had no motivation to do any of it. In the end I only got one credit for it. And that was for creative writing. I’m with ICTS which is where people come outd to your house three times a week for therapy. So I was with them for six months. It was hard saying goodbye. But then I went yo seeing a therapist once a week. I was still cutting often. But back to my schooling, I didn’t do anything and my mom was so pissed at the david doglas school district because the refused to put me in a school and finally she wrote a three page nasty letter saying how I needed to be in a school and thats how I got to fir ridge.

My freshman year I was so scared. I couldn’t tell you how scared I was. I didn’t go to school. I was fucked up in the head, cutting and I didn’t know anyone. So I didn’t really talk to anyone on my first day. But within a few days I met a small group of friends that I could relate to. Which was great. The next best thing was that there was a school counselor and a therapist that came to the school. So on top of going to seeing a therapist once a week I went to see him once a week. He was from Trillium services. He was a great therapist. I saw him from 45 minutes to an hour. My school counselor was mamed Michael and he was probably the best counselor anyone could ask for. He understood me. When I needed my space he let me sit in the office or library and do my work. When I had my mental break downs he gave me a quiet space. He was amazing. I have terrible anxiety with loud noises and whenever we had a firedrill I would cry and have a panic attack when there was he warned me and brought me to the office telling me when so I wasnt as afraid. As I said. He was the best school counselor anyone could ask for.

I had this friend. Her name was Iris. I cared for her so so much she was my first friend I made in middle school and she went to a diffent school but she had problems at the time and so she was looking into my school and I was thrilled. But before ahe came she also had issues and so she went to a rehab place. I called her family every day to see how she was doing. I sent flowers and cards because well, wouldn’t a best friend do that? When she got out she started at Fir Ridge Campus a bit later. I was so happy we reunited again. We started having sleep overs and everything. Okay? But one time during a sleepover she stole her parents credit card and bought something, which was a peircing kit and I had no idea so she came to my house when it was delivered and took it before I was home. I’ll also mention around two years ago she stole my ipod. But anyway so this happened and it happened once more but with tea but ahe sent it to her house instead of mine. So her mom was like “you arent ever allowed to see her again” blaming me for her daughter peircing herself. That was the hardest thing for me to hear because she was my best friend. Or so I thought she was. I believe this was all happening during my Junior year or late sophomore I cant remember it was so hectic. Ill come back to this bitch a little bit later.

But my Junior year I did this amazing thing called camp pheniox. That was the second the best and worst part of highschool. Its a two day overnight camp plus 4 weeks of after care. During the two nights you broke yourself down talking about the horrible things in life and at the end you are rebuilding yourself and raising up into a pheniox. During the process you did multiple activites which were happy, sad and heartbreaking realizing how fucked up and broken you were on the inside. One of the days you clumb a tree and tell everyone what you committ to. And I said I committ to my family and my support system. And then you had to walk on a tightrope with another person and jump when you couldnt do it anymore. And the other classmates are completely in control of the rope and your harness. Then the second activity we did was get in a harness and go up and your classmates pull you up until you say stop. Basically a gaiant swing okay. So I was letting go past teachers which I will get on explaining to more. And then letting in good teachers and then you yank it and I did a 90 foot free fall and holy shit was that fun. As i said it was the best and wors part of it because i landed up in teen intensive outpatient because I was cutting and I was extremely depressed.

But back to the teacher thing. There was a history teacher her name was Karen and she was a bitch to me. She hated me. And She KNEW i struggled with anxiety and she KNEW that I hated being with loud people and so I always needed to go to the office to see a counselor and I always finished up my work at home. And finally she was like you have to go to detention to finish this. And so Im in the office complete sobbing and my council waves it off. And other time with her was when my counselor talked to her about it she didnt talk to me for 3 DAYS like seriously she was so immature. Then When I came back from thr weekend she didnt call on anyone else but me. Then at the end of the week there was a new seating chart and I came in late because I was talking yo the trillium therapist okay and she shows me my seat and Im calm and I say no. And shes like yes. And I calmly explain to her why I cant go sit next to him because be gave me anxiety. And then she PROCEEDS to yell at me infront of the whole class who is now stairing at me and Im completely crying now infront of the class go to the principals office to fucking write me a refferl because i was arguing with her. Which the princapal immediately threw it out. The princapal at the time was absolutely amazing. She took me out on the track as I cried and walked with me.

So my junior year is happening and I went to camp pheniox and outdoor school it was great okay. So I went to outdoor school for my third session and I broke my ankle and had to stay home for a week and you remember this Iris girl who is my best friend??? Well not anymore. When I was away at outdoor school where I couldn’t DEFEND myself she went to the counselor and said. That I raped her and drugged her with majauana. And In like balling my eyes out because Im so fucking confused and why she did that. And so the counselor literally asked if I did it and Im like what the fuck do you really think I did it. And Im like crying at her because Im so upset. Like who in the right mind would accuse someone of rape. I mean I work with children. I was a swim instructor at the time. If she went to the police I could’ve been arrested and fired from my job which she didnt go because she knew she was a lying skank ass bitch. Also they couldve drug tested me because I wasnt even smoking at the time! And so Im in the office and my counselor is like “what are you feeling?” And I littlerly upfront say” I want to punch this bitch in the face,” she she looked at me “you cant do that” and Im like “no shit I cant do it. I want to but tgat doesnt mean I am going to.” And she sighs like after and hour of fuming she tells me Im not allowed to tell ANYONE and Im like fine whatever.

But I go to my momma jill and tell her and I like an crying to her and shes just holding me. But seriously then the vice principal calls me in during third period to talk more about what happened ALSO i had a freaking alliby because I was at fucking teen Intensive outpaitent during the time she accused me! Basically it was a whole clusterfuck

. It got 100% worse when there was an assembly and youll never guess who was running it the skank ass Iris. So she started talking about rape. And then she says “someone here raped me” and then she looked over at me. I kid you not. And my dad was there and he stood up and I cant remember exactly what he said but it was along the lines of “you shouldnt accuse anyone of rape either,” he said or something like that Im to busy crying and my teacher holding my hand. Finally my dad comes over to me and says were leaving. So my worst fear now the whole school knows that Iris accused me of rape and drugging her. So im literally in the gym having the WORST mental breakdown of my life and I mean screaming at the too of my lungs dropping to the knees hitting the floor. There was the security guy and Joey one of the teachers along with the princapal and vice principal trying to calm me down. And my dads crying because hes upset because of what Iris had said. And they told me to stay home for a few days until I could calm down.

So I came bac the following monday. I was so depressed I wanted to die. I almost had another suicide attempt but I thought about Taylor Swift and how I would never get t meet her and that just made me hold onto life just a little bit longer. So by the end of the year it was time for prom and so I was nominated for.... you guessed it prom court equivalent to prom princess/prince and can you guesd who was nominated too? That bitch Iris. So we were BOTH up against each other and trust me I was NOT going to let her win. So I baked my ass off and probably made over 200 cupcakes and fed them to the entire school and when I was time for prom. I won. I won prom princess. That was the best night of my entire life. My entire highschool carrer I felt normal. Everything was perfect

. Soon my Junior year ended. And summer came and went and my Senior yesr started. I only needed 1 credit to graduate .5 government .5 global studies. So I took government first which I got like knocked down a ton because i refused to do presentations because i hate speaking infront of a class but I still passed with a A. Then global studies I REFUSED to take with Karen again. So I did 5 at least 250 page packets in one quarter. And I still graduated early two quarters early. I started school my sophomore year because they didnt count it as a freshman and ended my senior year. I worked my ass off. And I graduated in 2 1/2 years. I graduated. I did it. I made it. Evern after a suicide attempt. Witnessing my mom attempt suicide my sophmore year, Iris accusing me of rape. All of that and I still graduated and I was second in class too. I’ve never been more proud of myself in my entire life. I didnt think id ever make it here. I thought in 2014 I was going to die. But I didnt. I’m still here. Alive and succeeding in life. Im a caregiver now. I’m getting my CNA in July. I made it. I did it.

[lids-flutter-open]

James orsino -goth gay YA ch 5

“Hey,” Orsino said. He was smiling at me. “Nice to see you. James, right?”

“And you’re Orsino.”

“I’m Robin,” said a girl with good skin and short hair in a flat-top. She looked like a panel from a 1980s lesbian comic. “I’m Orsino’s sister.”

“Hi,” I said. “Does anyone want weed?”

They did. We smoked and January talked to Ian. I didn’t get all of what they said, but Ian was glowing. Overhead the trees dropped a few leaves and some of the pine needles from the scrubby little pine tree by the house blew over the yard and into the bonfire, sparking as they went. There were at least fifty people at the show. Probably more, inside the house and around in front where they weren’t meant to be. People were slowly trickling back around the edges of the show space in the garage, waiting for the temperature inside to finally get cool enough to repopulate. 

“So are you from around here?” I asked Orsino. “Or where?” I had given him a joint I’d rolled earlier and been carrying around in my cigarette case. He coughed a lot as he smoked.

“Down south about an hour,” Orsino said. “Near Centralia, kind of. But most of the time lately I live up in Tacoma with Robin and January. My dad owns some cows and a chicken farm and my mom is always fighting with him and it’s bad to be around. You?”

“I’m from here,” I said. “I’m in high school. One of the ones near the farms. It’s all rednecks. No gays really.”

“You go to that Compton House thing?” Orsino asked. “I know that’s like, a big thing for gay kids here. My therapist was trying to get me to go since I didn’t like the trans group in Tacoma.”

“I go,” I said. “I’m on the Speakers’ Bureau doing sex education at schools and public organizations and stuff.”

“Oh,” Orsino said. He waggled his eyebrows. “You know a lot about sex then?” He exhaled some of the smoke from his joint into my face and smiled.

“In the public health sense, anyway,” I said. “I know where to get condoms and free dental dams.” I paused. I really wanted to say something flirtatious, but wasn’t sure what to start with. “And I know from Delaney and Genet and White for the rest, though who knows what I’m missing in that sense.” I could feel my hands reach up and touch the bad little patch of stubble on my neck. I wished there was a mirror or a dark window around I could glance into to make sure I didn’t look like a fool. I crossed my legs and turned more towards Orsino.

“Don’t know who those guys are,” Orsino smirked. His eyes were really dark brown and the firelight was sort of reflected there. I couldn’t tell if he was making fun of me for the references or making fun of me for doing sex education as a teenager like some kind of Young Democrat. I didn’t know his vibe enough to tell.

“They’re all older. Delaney’s the one you’re supposed to read, I’m pretty sure,” I said. “Or at least, he’s the one most likely to have been read by hot people, from what I can tell.”

“Oh, it’s a book,” said Orsino. 

“He’s an author,” I said. “Samuel Delaney. Chip Delaney. Time Square Red, Time Square Blue. Science fiction and sexy gay memoir. Never mind. I’m stoned. I’m sorry.”

“He writes about sex and taught you sex, is what you’re saying.”

“Yeah.”

“Does he write about like specific kinks you were trying to communicate to me or something?”

I felt my face grow hot. “Public bathrooms,” I said. “Is one thing he’s very into. Not that I am. Unless you are. But that’s not—it’s just his prose.”

“Do you always give a … what’s it called. A bibliography. Do you always do that when someone asks you about sex?”

“Do you always ask boys about sex two seconds after meeting them?”

“Only when they’re hot,” Orsino said. “Then yeah, I do. Sorry, I can’t read social cues well. Was that out of line?”

“No.”

“You didn’t answer the question. You go around give out bibliographies about sex? Like that pink hair lady who draws that weird comic about sex toys online?”

“You’re the one named fucking Orsino,” I said. “Literary references are something you signed up for.” I took a hit from my pipe. I was starting to feel slightly more comfortable, but it wasn’t happening fast enough. I glanced at Orsino’s hands. The nails were short. His pinky nail on his left hand was painted black but none of the other fingernails were. There was a little stick-and-poke of a rabbit on the back of his right hand.

“Maybe I should change it,” he said. “To something butch. I can be Harry. Or Brandon.”

“A trade name,” I said. 

“A farm boy name.”

“Brandon is a G.O.P candidate name.”

“Now that’s trade.”

“What music do you like, Brandon?”

“Well, I’m here. OVID’s good. January can be a bitch a little bit, but it’s good music. And I like Dyke Drama and G.L.O.S.S, obviously. And LOONE. But also Mitski. And Blood Kennel and Limp Wrist and Dick Binge. But I also like The Shins.”

“My dad likes The Shins,” I said. “I have like a gag reflex about The Shins.” I could hear my voice, catty and faggy. “They’re such a dad band. How old are you, anyway?”

“Eighteen,” Orsino said.

“Okay. Well, for an eighteen-year-old you sure like dad bands.”

“It’s good music,” Orsino said. “You gotta listen to the lyrics. What about you?”

“I only listen to Ariana Grande,” I said, smirking at him stupidly and fluttering my eyelashes. I might have been being dumb, but he was still smiling at me, so I wanted to try being bolder. “And Gaga. I literally only listen to Just Dance by Lady Gaga and Pete Davidson by Ariana Grande every single day of my life. On repeat. I hate punk music.”

“Oh, really,” Orsino said in a flat-affect kind of voice. “You must be having a really interesting time here tonight then.”

“It’s really funny music,” I said. “And nobody is wearing platform boots or a rainbow pin or jewels or teal hair or anything.”

“I saw someone with teal hair,” Orsino said.

“That was me, actually. Earlier. I came with teal hair and an Ariana Grande tour shirt and changed.”

“Oh really,” Orsino said. He made eye contact with me and then slowly reached out and pulled at one of my curls. “I like what you’ve done with your hair since then. Insta-dye job to black. Insta-goth. It’s a really cute haircut on you, actually.”

“Thanks. I did it in the bathroom sink,” I said. “Just now. Using charcoal from the fire. I thought, oh no, everyone has dark hair or bad orangey dry bleach jobs. I have to fit in.”

“You’re doing good and blending in,” Orsino said. He finished the joint and ground out the end in the dirt under the stump. “Wait. Did you just neg me for my bleach job?” 

I felt my face fall. “What?”

“You said bad bleach jobs and looked at my hair. Were you making fun of me for my bleach job? You know, negging me? I know it’s all dry forest fire thatch up here.”

“I guess I did,” I said. I looked at his hair and back at his eyes. 

“Didn’t expect you to be acting like a straight English major goth at a sorority party over here,” Orsino said. “Calling all the girls ugly cause you think it’ll make them like you.”

I swallowed. “You’re right. That was cruel of me. I made fun of your name, earlier, too, and that was wrong. I shouldn’t be mean to cute boys.” 

“And my music taste.”

“That’s just a difference of opinion.”

Orsino looked at me like a cat playing with a mouse, but in a friendly way. “You were very cruel about my hair, though. I feel so small.”

“Sorry. It’s a bad habit. You can do two negs for me now. Tell me I’m ugly so you can hit on me better.”

“Hm,” Orsino said. He swung one hairy leg over the stump so half of him was in shadow under the trees and his right foot was nestled in the ivy and broken glass that lay all along the perimeter of the Goat Mansion yard. “Well, you aren’t ugly, so I can’t do exactly that. Maybe I want to save my negs. Find your weak spots and then go in for the kill.”

“I’m shaking,” I said. 

“Okay. I have one. My first one is that your mustache sucks. It’s like really cute that you’re trying it and I know what you’re going for, and the concept is attractive to me, and I like your philtrum, but it’s a bad mustache.”

“Ooh. Ouch. That stings,” I said. “I think it stings more because of all the compliments you threw in with it to cushion it.” But I scooted closer to him.

“I can do more.” He looked at me hard. “If you consent. I can be meaner about it.”

“About my mustache? Okay,” I said. “But I might be hurt and never speak to you again.”

“You’re trying to look like Freddie Mercury or something, right? You look like a summer camp counselor from the 1980s.”

“Ouch! You sure snatched my wig.” I put on a faggy voice. It kind of did sting to hear him say that, though also I knew that my mustache amounted to about twenty-four downy bad little hairs. But I guess I deserved it.

“See how it feels?” Orsino scooted a little closer. I found myself appreciating how broad his shoulders and torso were compared to mine. I looked at his smile. His canines were a little crooked.

“I actually am a summer camp counselor,” I said. “During the summer.”

“I’m Sherlock Holmes.”

“I can give you another weak spot,” I said. “I’m a nerd and I used to be a horse girl. Got any horse related disses?”

“It doesn’t count if you give them to me. That’s a self defense maneuver. Also I don’t know if you’re even telling the truth. It’s gotta be something you’re sensitive about.”

“Are you sensitive about your hair and your name?”

“Yes! I’m a punk. My image is very important to me. Talking shit on my hair was mean. You started this whole battle.”

“Okay, fine. I’m sorry already. But give me time to recover from your first cutting remark before you do any more to me.” I put away my pipe. I glanced briefly over at Ian. Jukebox had left and now he was talking to Opal and Robin a few feet away. I felt like socially I was obligated to join their shit instead of sitting here talking to this boy I didn’t really know yet. At least so I could be up on the whole deal with Miss San Juan and the Dusties or whatever the new band was called. “Do you want to meet my friends?” I asked Orsino, standing. 

“Sure,” he said. He pulled himself up. “Hey, you’re not really hurt about the mustache thing, right?” He wasn’t smiling as much any more.  “I was just playing around. Your mustache is fine. It looks like every other high school punk’s mustache. Better than some. Better than mine. And you’re cute. You pull it off pretty good.”

I realized he thought he had misstepped and now I’d lost interest. I felt a flutter in my stomach. 

“It’s a really sensitive topic for me because of my gender dysphoria,” I said in a deadpan voice. I walked over to Ian and Opal and Robin.

Orsino followed me, squinting a little as if he couldn’t tell if I was joking. He put his thumbs into the belt loops of his pants.“Are you serious?” He asked.  "I’m sorry, I…”

“I won’t ever forgive you. Hey, meet my friends. Here are my friends Opal and Ian, who I guess have a band now.”

Ian paused. He had been saying something to Robin about some music stuff. I wasn’t sure what equipment they were talking about but it had hertz. He looked over to Orsino and then me and raised his eyebrows. 

“Hey,” he said. “I’m Miss San Juan, otherwise known as Ian. You saw me set up and then saw my set just now. You were jumping. Didn’t get your name.”

“I was indeed jumping,” Orsino said. “It was a pretty good show for how messy it seemed like things were before it started. You did good. You have a great stage presence. I’m Orsino.” He held out his hand, arcing his arm out for a man-handshake. 

Ian placed his delicate little hand in Orsino’s big one like a princess greeting her security guard. “Pleased to meet you.”

“I’m Orsino,” Orsino said again to Opal, holding out his hand again. For the first time I realized he was maybe kind of too stoned.

“I’m Opal,” said Opal. “I’m a drummer and use they/them pronouns and I’m really hungry for some trash food right now. Does anyone else want food?” They looked at me and then at Orsino. “You both look like you want some trash food.”

“Fuck yeah,” Orsino said. “Do we know when the next show starts, though?”

“There’s the gas station that doesn’t sell beer around the corner that way,” Opal said. “They have chips and sometimes hot dogs and pizza. We’ll be quick.”

“Let’s go,” Orsino said. He put his arm around my shoulders and set off toward the edge of the yard as if we had been walking together like that everywhere for years, as if he had touched me before.

“I don’t think I want food right now,” Ian said. “I’ll stay here.” He had a sort of quiet, wan tone in his voice that made me pause.

“Oh,” I said, and dug my feet into the ground to stop and pulled away from Orsino’s arm. I looked from Orsino to Ian. I didn’t want to leave Ian standing here alone right after his big set. “Ian, are you sure? You’ll need calories in a little bit.”

“I just feel like standing and smoking for a second in the quiet over here by the fence,” Ian said. 

“Quieter out by the gas station,” I said.

“I don’t feel like walking.”

“I’ll stay here too then,” I said. 

“I’m still going,” Orsino said. “I’m genuinely hungry.”

“Come on, then, big papa,” Opal said. “Let’s get some cheese fuel.” They turned their chair and wheeled fairly rapidly across the grass. 

[mykidsgay]

How Do I Support My Son After His Dad Left Our Family?

"My 13-year-old son told me he is gay. His father cannot understand this or change and has since left the family as I refused to send my boy to a camp. I fear the whole thing has left my son traumatized and he is distant from me. How do I help my baby boy?"

Question Submitted Anonymously Answered by Max Titus

Max Says:

This may sound like it is too simple, but if you want to help your son, keep doing what you are doing. Your son felt comfortable enough to come out to you at a pretty young age, you stood by him and protected him, and now you are reaching out to find out what else you can do to help him. Well done!

Now you might be thinking, “Thanks, but that’s not helpful,” so here’s the rest. You and your son have been through a lot and it seems like you have taken your job as a parent seriously. You mentioned that your son’s dad wanted to send him to “a camp,” and it needs to be said that conversion therapy is not only ineffective, but actively abusive—and is slowly becoming outlawed in multiple states. Your stance is absolutely the right one.

And yet, there is still work to be done. Adolescence is a troublesome time for most kids, but your son is facing some additional challenges. Despite the advances in LGBTQIA acceptance and rights, there are still many places and circumstances where being out is difficult and can even be dangerous. However, there is a light at the end of the rainbow tunnel and this is how you can get there.

Talk to your son.

Start by talking to your son. If you aren’t sure what to say, tell him that you love him and that you will support him. He needs to feel loved and supported, especially at this time. Start small and grow your relationship with him a little at a time. He trusted you enough to come out, but you may need to rebuild some trust at this point. He is likely feeling sad, but he may also feel guilty or ashamed. Tell him that it is okay to be gay. He needs to know that there is nothing wrong with him. He needs to know that his father made the choice to leave and that is not his fault. Ask him how he feels and ask him how you can help and then, most importantly, listen.

Take care of yourself.

If you want to help your son, you need to be well. Your son’s father—and presumably your partner—has left the family. That is hard. Despite your focus on your son, you may be heartbroken or angry. You may be facing financial challenges. You may be struggling. Take care of yourself. Exercise, meditate, take a bath. Do whatever it is that you need for self-care, but make sure that you also get the support that you need from family, friends, or a therapist (ideally someone with experience with LGBTQIA issues).

Get support for your son.

You son needs support. You know that already, because you’ve noticed that he is distant and you are asking how you can help him. He is no doubt feeling pain and trauma from this situation. LGBTQ teens are more likely to experience mental health issues than their straight friends, and rejection by a parent for any reason is devastating. It may be time to face that he needs help that you cannot provide. No, you cannot force your son to see a therapist if he is not willing, but if he is open to it, find an LGBTQIA inclusive and knowledgeable therapist for him. If you live in an area where that is challenging or you aren’t comfortable seeking that out locally, there are some online resources that could help—for example, The Trevor Project has a 24/7 hotline with trained counselors available to talk to LGBTQ youth who are struggling or in crisis.

Become part of the community.

Remember that light at the end of the rainbow tunnel? Turns out, it’s all about love—and the LGBTQIA community is full of love! Seek out LGBTQIA inclusive spaces and support groups in your area. Meeting other people with similar struggles and experiences can be therapeutic. For many of us, the relationships that we develop through our coming out and acceptance process are long-lasting, and those people then become our chosen family.

If you aren’t sure how to find LGBTQIA spaces, a good place to start is the My Kid Is Gay Resources page, which includes resources for parents and children that cover topics like bullying, mental health, religion, and more.

If you are thinking that this is all a lot, you are right, but if you are thinking that you are alone, you are wrong. Many families face these types of challenges. There are many stories, including my own, where a kid came out and it didn’t go so well. In some cases, relationships cannot recover, but in most it just takes time, communication, and some support to get to the light. Either way, it does get better. Keep doing what you are doing; keep standing by his side and protecting him, because he will remember that. Know that it may not be a smooth ride, but you are doing your job as a parent and you are doing it well.

***

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[jewishphilosophyplace]

Haredi Transgender (Abby Stein)

In the depressing and dreary state of our political world in the Age of Trump, this is touching and lovely story about the power of transformation and self-creation is life affirming. For those who can’t get behind the Ha’aretz paywall here I’m posting below the piece by Debra Nussbaum Cohen about Abby Stein, who was born and ordained as a Hasidic rabbi and then transitioned from male to female, leaving her community to find new cultural and spiritual connections.

  By Debra Nussbaum Cohen Feb 14, 2017

NEW YORK – Abby Stein is almost certainly the only ordained Hasidic rabbi who is also a woman. Stein wasn’t female when ordained, of course. She was a young man, soon to be married to a woman also from the strict Satmar community in which they were both raised.

While Stein – then named Yisroel and nicknamed Srully – had long had unsettling feelings about her gender identity, when she married at age 18 in Williamsburg, Brooklyn and moved to Monsey, she had no idea that just a few years later her life would be radically different.

But it is. Today Stein, 25, is a Columbia University student, divorced, no longer ultra-Orthodox – and female.

Abby, as she is now known, is a petite young woman with shoulder-length brown hair, whose religious origins are detectable only in the Yiddish accent and cadence of her speech. Estrogen has made her face softer and her body more womanly, and has even induced PMS-like mood swings.

Abby Stein today after undergoing gender transitioning, leaving the religious world, getting a divorce and becoming a student at Columbia University. Debra Nussbaum Cohen She is happier than she has ever been and plans to work on transgender issues in public policy. She may even one day run for local public office.

The sixth of 13 children, Stein was her parents’ first son. It was an upbringing full of cousins, weddings and Shabbos tisches (Friday night community gatherings) with the rebbe. Her father is related in five different ways to the Baal Shem Tov, the mystical 18th-century rabbi and founder of Hasidism. As such, the family has customs that reflect its status. While in strict Hasidic communities women don’t drive, Stein men don’t either. They don’t eat in restaurants and work only in Jewish education. After bar mitzvah the boys wear white knee socks rather than black ones — something most Satmar men do only after marriage.

When young Stein questioned her father about why they didn’t go to amusement parks during the Passover and Sukkot festivals like most Hasidim, he would respond that those things were “pas nisht” — simply “not done” – by Steins.

Something nagged at the little boy from an early age, although she lacked the language to describe it. In the bathtub at age 4, she’d prick her penis with pins because, as Stein tells Haaretz now, “It just felt like it didn’t belong there. I realized right away that I couldn’t tell anyone.”

She voraciously read articles about organ transplant from Yiddish language newspapers Der Yid and HaMaspik, thinking “someday I’ll get a full-body transplant.” At age 11, Stein added a personal prayer to her bedtime recitation of the daily Shema (confession of faith) prayer: to wake up a girl.

At 15 Stein went to a high-school yeshiva of the Vizhnitz Hasidic community in upstate New York. One day a classmate gave her a Hebrew-language translation of Richard Friedman’s “Who Wrote the Bible?” That led Stein to read “The God Delusion” by atheist Richard Dawkins, and to the discovery in the yeshiva library of books by Rabbi Yitzhak Moshe Erlanger, a scholar of kabbalah, Jewish mysticism.

Students at the yeshiva typically returned home one weekend a month, and Erlanger was in Williamsburg one Shabbat when Stein was there. They spoke for hours and the rabbi gave her an important work about kabbalah to read. “For the first time,” Stein recalls now,

“I realized that gender could be fluid.”

At 17, Stein’s parents conducted the requisite research for a girl recommended by a shadchan (matchmaker) and the two met for a b’show at the girl’s married sister’s apartment. While theoretically either of them could have declined the match, when the prospective groom arrived the table was already set to celebrate their engagement. “It’s extremely taboo” to turn down such a match, similar to breaking an engagement in the non-ultra-Orthodox world, says Stein.

The bride called Stein’s mother every week, but Stein herself had no contact with the bride during the year leading up to their wedding. The night before the chuppah, she went to the rebbe’s son for marital instruction. She was told they were to have sex only on Friday and Tuesday nights, after midnight, in the dark and in one position. Gender identity doubts persisted, Stein says, but “I kept telling myself everything would be fine.”

They lived in Monsey and were soon expecting a child. Stein’s feelings rose up anew, she says. “Gender began punching me in the face.” Stein got her hands on a smartphone and, in the bathroom at a mall, began her search. “The first thing I Googled was boy turning into a girl. Then I found a Hebrew Wikipedia page about transgender. I couldn’t read English” (Yiddish is the predominant language among the Satmar sect and in its schools).

She also found an online Israeli forum for trans people. “I realized, ‘Wow, there’s a whole world out there’ and that freaked me out,” says Stein. This was before Caitlyn Jenner and the television show “Transparent,” when there was relatively open, public conversation about trans people.

The couple’s son, Duvid, was born in January 2012; a year later, Stein told her wife that she was a non-believer. They talked about leaving Satmar for a more modern community because “we were still trying to make it work.”

Stein joined the New York-based Footsteps organization, which supports people leaving ultra-Orthodox communities, started taking English as a second language at a local community college, explored various online trans communities and opened a Facebook account as “Chava.” With a Footsteps tutor she prepared to take the high-school equivalency test.

Eventually Stein and her wife separated. She worked in Williamsburg and lived with her parents, with whom she was still close; her wife lived with Duvid at her parents’. At first father and son saw each other weekly, until the wife’s parents decided they could not meet unless their daughter was granted a get, a divorce, and Stein promised not to change her appearance and agreed to see the child just once a month.

Hard-hitting depression

After enrolling in a college-preparation program offered by Columbia University, Stein started spending time at the Hillel Jewish students’ organization on campus, and later applied to the school at Columbia designed for students from non-traditional backgrounds. On her application, which required a lengthy essay, she wrote simply, “I grew up in New York City but until I was 20, I never saw a movie, went to a Broadway show or listened to music” – and was accepted.

Once immersed in studies, Stein hoped her gender identity issues would fade, but several weeks into her first semester depression hit hard; she couldn’t get out of bed. A counselor at the university said he thought the student was hiding something.

Yisroel “Srully” Stein, before coming out as a trans woman named Abby. She is happier than she has ever been before, she says today. Eve Singer By then she had begun using women’s deodorant and letting her hair grow, but wasn’t yet ready to confront gender transitioning head-on. The depression intensified and she looked for a new therapist. At the LGBT center in lower Manhattan, a staffer told Stein she was trans. After working at a Jewish camp that summer, she began to transition. Stein began taking estrogen and a testosterone blocker in September 2015, and started coming out to friends. One showed up with a bag of women’s clothes, another taught her how to apply makeup. She began going to trans support groups.

Stein still dressed outwardly as male though “emotionally it was getting harder” not to make the full transition. She wanted to tell her parents personally about her decision so they didn’t hear it through gossip. One Shabbat, back at home, Stein says she lit candles — solely a woman’s ritual — which she had been doing privately for a year.

“My mother said, ‘You look different,” says Stein, but didn’t ask any specific questions. Taking estrogen has changed Stein, in the interim. A receding hairline has filled in and her hair has grown thicker. Her cheekbones have become fuller, she has breasts and her hips have widened. Her son Duvid, now 5, started calling her “Mama” as soon as she got her ears pierced, she says.

Stein started attending Romemu, a Jewish Renewal, egalitarian Jewish congregation in Manhattan, and became close to its rabbi, David Ingber. He offered to speak with Stein’s father, and they met in late 2015.

“It was the first time [my father] saw me wearing earrings. He said, ‘It would be easier for me to talk to you while you’re wearing a kippah,’” Stein recalls.

Yisroel Stein with his son Duvid and his parents. After Yisroel became Abby, a trans woman, she was called “Mama” by Duvid when she got her ears pierced. Abby Stein Her father, who runs a Williamsburg yeshiva for troubled youth, didn’t say much. “He stayed frozen,” Stein says. “He said, ‘I don’t believe it [transgender] exists.’ I showed him kabbalistic and Hasidic ideas. He said, ‘Why would you do that – women are so much less than men?’ Then he said, ‘You know this means I probably can’t talk to you ever again.’ He stood up, thanked David for taking care of me. He didn’t say goodbye to me, he just walked out the door.”

Her parents have not spoken with her since. Stein called home before the Jewish New Year last fall but got no response from her mother, who answered the phone. “It is painful,” says Stein, who likes baking challah her mother’s way.

Speaking out

Stein had her name legally changed from Yisroel to Abby Chava. Now her birth certificate, driver’s license and school ID indicate that she is female. In an emergency room recently after being hit by a car, a doctor asked when her last menstrual period was. Stein and her ex-wife haven’t spoken directly since their divorce. The woman’s new husband turns Duvid over when Stein comes to pick him up.

Today Stein wears a triangle charm necklace. Two corners bear symbols for male and female, while the third indicates transgender. She is dating a woman. And she is on a waiting list for sexual reassignment surgery.

At Columbia she’s majoring in political science, and women’s and gender studies. She teaches Hebrew school at Romemu and at the Congregation B’nai Jeshurun, and recently started a part-time community engagement job at the Manhattan borough president’s office.

Stein is also writing a memoir, and someone is making a documentary about her. As the only Hasid in America to come out publicly as transgender, she is in great demand as a speaker from Limmud Jewish education organization, to college and LGBTQ groups. She also runs an online support group for Hasidic trans people.

Most importantly, Stein notes now, she has never felt better.

“I experienced cycles of depression since I was 12,” she says. “Now I have mood swings, but I can deal with that by watching Netflix and eating pickles.”

http://ift.tt/2lNO6J3

[marketinginnocom]

April Element: What You Should Be Doing This Thirty Days in Your Admissions Program

New Post has been published on https://baongoaihoi.com/april-element-what-you-should-be-doing-this-thirty-2/

April Element: What You Should Be Doing This Thirty Days in Your Admissions Program

April Element: What You Should Be Doing This Thirty Days in Your Admissions Program

April feels like a time for you to link up loose finishes for individuals who have been acknowledged to college. However for youngsters who possessn’t however, it is still a thirty days to keep on course with your college admissions approach, whether that implies constructing your school list or appropriate up on waitlist placements.

Dependent on what your location is along the way, April is just a blast to get arranged, suggests Anna Crowe associated with the Admissions Coach in Atlanta. Crowe provides the following tips for each quality stage to help you remain on track along with your admissions strategy.

Students in Ninth/Tenth Grade

– If you haven’t yet prepared out your sessions for next year, this is the time. Make sure your classes reveal an increase in rigor but that the tuition aren’t very tough that you’ll struggle in them.

– make sure your university application are current. Put the extracurriculars your pursued throughout the class 12 months, also keep in mind to feature tasks which you participated in outside school, including compensated opportunities.

– program their summer time recreation whether you want to obtain a task, participate in a camp, sign up for test prep or arrange another plan, this is the time in order to get those tactics protected.

– Register for summertime or drop SAT and/or work studies if you plan to bring them.

– when you have any AP tests coming up soon, beginning learning for them.

College students in Eleventh Level

– For those who haven’t satisfied along with your therapist yet, schedule a scheduled appointment soon to talk about the college that is tentative record. So you can begin researching programs and prerequisites if you can’t get in with your school counselor until the fall, it’s a good idea to start exploring schools on your own.

– remember whether it’s a wise decision to retake the SAT or operate. If https://college-application-essay.org/ that’s the case, sign-up shortly for the next test that is available. Keep in mind that both are in possession of summertime sittings, so it is possible to grab the exams through your energy from the twelfth grade if required.

– timetable school trips for the summertime if applicable.

– make sure your trip timetable include all courses that your target colleges need, and therefore the programs continue to show a progression of rigor.

– Nail down the summer programs, including tasks or work.

– Study and prepare for the AP examinations being approaching.

– Think about which educators you will end up asking to write your referral letters for college or university, and give consideration to asking for all of them ahead of the school 12 months concludes.

Children in Twelfth Quality

– For those who have focused on a college or university, make sure that you lock in the casing at the earliest opportunity.

– Study for AP reports even if you don’t believe your own colleges need the credit, since some education use your test results for university program placements.

– If you are planning to attend your college or university’s ‘admitted pupil day’ or summer time direction, be sure to register today.

– Make an appointment with your personal doctor to perform the college’s health paperwork.

– If you aren’t pleased with the financial aid plan, consider attractive it to find out if you may be able to find a better present.

– For students on waitlists, make sure that you’re on top of marketing and sales communications with all the school and posting all wanted info.

– maintain filling aside scholarship applications, if relevant.

Include Admitted College Student Era and Summer Time Orientations Important to Go To?

    I have been approved to my personal basic choice and that I are looking to go to. Could it be however necessary to head to admitted students day or perhaps is that just for folks who are not certain that they would like to go to a school that is certain? Additionally, essential could it be in my situation to go to a elective summer time positioning? My mothers favor to not spend travel money on these activities thus I simply go to these matters if you feel it’s important.

Going to an Admitted pupils time can be a fantastic way to scrub arms with potential classmates (although that cool man you fused with at the green salad club could possibly end at a various college) and to eyeball the restrooms when you look at the dorm you intend to ask. But however, these happenings are generally made for pupils who haven’t but developed a choice that is final thus they are certainly not required for anyone, like you, who have. So going to an Admitted children Day could be fun not required if you should be already positive your’ll be registering.

An summer that is optional, in contrast, can be more valuable, though it’s maybe not an important sometimes. But you won’t attend the orientation, you should try to find out what you will be missing if you think. As an example, if brand new students create classes subsequently, whatever method is in spot for those that are unable to create? Almost always there is a web procedure that might even come with a ‘meeting’ with an consultant, so incoming freshmen who can’t arrive at university won’t miss out. But this will be one thing you should investigate.

Positioning schedules commonly add getting-to-know-you games and university trips — for example., absolutely nothing you will truly regret missing. However, they could provide an opportunity to get the student I.D. cards and possibly also buy courses at a publication store. And — because each orientation treatment is usually brief in proportions — this could facilitate such processes. So you should predict wishing in lengthier lines to take care of these tasks from inside the fall. Direction frontrunners are used to responding to lots of daily-life questions (‘ Where manage I do my laundry?’ ‘How can I get yourself a gym locker?’), but citizen experts anticipate to respond to these relevant inquiries at the same time. Thus assuming you’ll be living on campus, avoid being bashful about speaking upwards once you fulfill your own R.A.

Many arriving freshmen also incorporate direction to be time to come across potential roommates, if the university accepts requests that are housing. But the success rate of these quickly-made matches try debateable, and pupils frequently discover that they are in the same way happy (or pleased?) with roommates processed on myspace if not randomly designated.

If you would like check-out orientation but it is the fee which is maintaining your house, you are able to compose your local admissions representative to find out if there is any resource designed for positioning trips. In the event your college includes unique positioning session for worldwide students, and that is arranged prior to 1st semester begins, you’ll ask about room available for residential individuals, too. (In both of the situation, it really is likely that only college students with high need that is financial become assisted.)

If a university has an group that is online arriving first-year students or their own parents, it really is valuable to inquire of people about the good and bad points of taking a lengthy trek to direction. Maybe a number of benefits you hadn’t thought about. However, if the timing or finances improve journey tough, there is no doubt it’s definitely not essential. Even though positioning could possibly be much more useful to you than the Admitted Student program, college or university authorities realize that not everyone will be able to attend, and they’ll need options in place to welcome students that are new they get to the trip.

[blockheadbrands]

This Program Wants to Teach Your Doctor About Cannabis

Rae Lland of Leafly Reports:

“Our philosophy is that cannabis is a tool, one of many healing tools. It should be part and parcel of an overall treatment plan,” says Donna Shields, co-founder of the Holistic Cannabis Academy in Boulder, Colorado.

The HCA, an educational program on medical cannabis for practitioners, was developed by Shields and co-founder Laura Lagano—both registered dietician nutritionists. Continued education is expected, even required of healthcare professionals; but, when it came to medical cannabis, programs simply didn’t exist to fill that important space. When Shields realized that her colleagues knew little to nothing about cannabis, she saw it as an opportunity.

Cannabis, Synergy, and Whole Body Health

With a belief that cannabis (and all medical treatments) should be viewed through a larger lens, importance is given to the “whole body system” and how, physically, everything is related. With personal support for the “synergistic” effect in treatment care, Shields considers integrating cannabis with various modalities of healthcare, such as a good nutrition plan, acupuncture, aromatherapy, meditation, and yoga, as an important facet to healing.

“Cannabis is a tool, one of many healing tools. It should be part and parcel of an overall treatment plan.”

Donna Shields, Co-founder of HCA

“You don’t have to be in one camp or the other. Cannabis can be used in conjunction with your medication; we never tell anyone to stop taking their medication,” she says. “This can be an integral part of your treatment plan. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.”

This is exactly what Shields and Lagano have built the Holistic Cannabis Academy for: broadening perspectives and giving health practitioners a greater understanding of cannabis’ place in the medical world.

The program is run entirely online with rolling admissions, so people can join at any time. Shields markets the program in a variety of ways, including accessing medical conferences and hosting online summits. Their first summit spanned four days, 28 speakers, and 17,000 people opting in to the program.

The classes aren’t limited to certain geographical locations either, which means their student body reaches across the globe, including Canada, New Zealand, Spain, and Australia. In fact, interest abroad may be less apprehensive than here in the states.

“I see those in Canada as already being more holistically minded, so this isn’t that big a leap [for them],” says Shields. “As Canada looks to fully legalize, they’re not hamstrung by the same issues that we have [in the United States], so it’s been more comfortable for them to think about it.”

The HCA was approved for continuing education credit hours in Canada, which makes it easier for students to justify spending time and money on the program.

The Holistic Cannabis Academy was recently approved for continuing education credit hours through the Canadian Health Coach Alliance and Canadian Institute for Integrative Nutrition.

This is a big deal, because it allows health practitioners to meet their continuing education requirements while taking the HCA’s course, which makes it much easier for students to justify spending time and money taking the program. They also run similar programs in the U.S. with nutrition organizations, but it takes a lot of time and patience to gain approval since each American institution has their own governing organization and requirements.

These organizations are important to the HCA since the majority of their clientele are not physicians. “Most of the people who are gravitating towards our kind of holistic cannabis education training are allied health professionals,” says Shields. This includes acupuncturists, chiropractors, massage therapists, nutritionists, drug rehab counselors, mental health therapists, herbalists, and health coaches.

Shields believes that because these health practitioners generally spend a greater amount of time with their patients, as opposed to physicians who are usually in-and-out of each appointment, they are able to see the benefits of cannabis in a deeper way.

Helping Physicians Understand Cannabis as Medicine

As for why physicians are less likely to take interest in the program, Shields believes it’s simply a lack of information coming through the traditional channels.

“I think with [physicians] there’s a lot of, ‘Well, if I didn’t learn it in medical school, it can’t be true… this doesn’t have a lot of validity,’” Shields says. “Part of the problem is there’s a wealth of research available, [but] most of it has not been done in the U.S., so it requires a physician to look at it outside of the traditional channels. If the continuing education that goes on with physicians is very often delivered by pharmaceutical companies, that means they haven’t heard of the endocannabinoid system. They haven’t heard of cannabinoid medicine.”

“If the continuing education that goes on with physicians is often delivered by pharmaceutical companies, that means they haven't heard of the endocannabinoid system. They haven't heard of cannabinoid medicine.”

Donna Shields

That said, Shields does believe there is a big way in which physicians are learning about medical cannabis: from their patients. With more people broaching the subject with their doctors and sharing first-hand accounts of progress they’ve made using cannabis, physicians are, in a way, being forced to acknowledge its medicinal properties.

“You know this whole stigma—and we refer to it as “cannaphobia”—it exists, and it’s alive and well. I think one of the problems particularly for licensed practitioners is, if they’re talking to their clients about [cannabis], they’re worried, is this within my scope of practice?”

Shields and the HCA say the answer to that is a resounding “yes.”

“This is education, and you have an obligation to your patient to give them a variety of options. It’s up to them to choose what they want to do.”

Still, not all patients are comfortable speaking to their doctor about cannabis. Shields notes, “A lot of patients are kind of intimidated [to have this conversation], particularly with a physician, who are kind of put on a pedestal.”

This is why it is so important for physicians to embrace education about medical cannabis and play an active role in deconstructing the stigmas. Fortunately, there is some hope. Slowly but surely, physicians are beginning to come around.

Exploring Patient Options and HCA Programs

When the HCA program first launched, the reaction was heavy with uncertainty. Now, only three years later, Shields sees a lot of the same physicians progressing their views as they witness legislative changes along with the personal accounts of their patient base.

Ultimately, the benefits of the Holistic Cannabis Academy program as not just for patients, but for healthcare professionals as well.

“If they have this level of competency, they can offer something that the health coach down the street doesn’t have, and therefore more clients will be interested to come to them. They can build their business, their practice, and generate revenue.”

As for patients who wish their own doctors would take the HCA program, Shields says they can offer some resources. While the HCA will not give out medical advice, they will inform patients about how to find good information on cannabis to take back to their doctors.

Student by student, the Holistic Cannabis Academy continues to educate all manner of health care practitioners about the benefits of medical cannabis, and in a world that is rapidly embracing cannabis reform, this education will grow in value for both curious, hopeful patients, and the practitioners who treat them.

TO READ MORE OF THIS ARTICLE ON LEAFLY, CLICK HERE.

https://www.leafly.com/news/health/inside-colorados-holistic-cannabis-academy

[news-totalcannabissolutions-blog]

This Program Wants to Teach Your Doctor About Cannabis

“Our philosophy is that cannabis is a tool, one of many healing tools. It should be part and parcel of an overall treatment plan,” says Donna Shields, co-founder of the Holistic Cannabis Academy in Boulder, Colorado.

Photo from Highmark Health

The HCA, an educational program on medical cannabis for practitioners, was developed by Shields and co-founder Laura Lagano—both registered dietician nutritionists. Continued education is expected, even required of healthcare professionals; but, when it came to medical cannabis, programs simply didn’t exist to fill that important space. When Shields realized that her colleagues knew little to nothing about cannabis, she saw it as an opportunity.

Cannabis, Synergy, and Whole Body Health

With a belief that cannabis (and all medical treatments) should be viewed through a larger lens, importance is given to the “whole body system” and how, physically, everything is related. With personal support for the “synergistic” effect in treatment care, Shields considers integrating cannabis with various modalities of healthcare, such as a good nutrition plan, acupuncture, aromatherapy, meditation, and yoga, as an important facet to healing.

“You don’t have to be in one camp or the other. Cannabis can be used in conjunction with your medication; we never tell anyone to stop taking their medication,” she says. “This can be an integral part of your treatment plan. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.”

This is exactly what Shields and Lagano have built the Holistic Cannabis Academy for: broadening perspectives and giving health practitioners a greater understanding of cannabis’ place in the medical world.

The program is run entirely online with rolling admissions, so people can join at any time. Shields markets the program in a variety of ways, including accessing medical conferences and hosting online summits. Their first summit spanned four days, 28 speakers, and 17,000 people opting in to the program.

The classes aren’t limited to certain geographical locations either, which means their student body reaches across the globe, including Canada, New Zealand, Spain, and Australia. In fact, interest abroad may be less apprehensive than here in the states.

Photo from Pond5

“I see those in Canada as already being more holistically minded, so this isn’t that big a leap [for them],” says Shields. “As Canada looks to fully legalize, they’re not hamstrung by the same issues that we have [in the United States], so it’s been more comfortable for them to think about it.”

The Holistic Cannabis Academy was recently approved for continuing education credit hours through the Canadian Health Coach Alliance and Canadian Institute for Integrative Nutrition. This is a big deal, because it allows health practitioners to meet their continuing education requirements while taking the HCA’s course, which makes it much easier for students to justify spending time and money taking the program. They also run similar programs in the U.S. with nutrition organizations, but it takes a lot of time and patience to gain approval since each American institution has their own governing organization and requirements.

These organizations are important to the HCA since the majority of their clientele are not physicians. “Most of the people who are gravitating towards our kind of holistic cannabis education training are allied health professionals,” says Shields. This includes acupuncturists, chiropractors, massage therapists, nutritionists, drug rehab counselors, mental health therapists, herbalists, and health coaches.

Shields believes that because these health practitioners generally spend a greater amount of time with their patients, as opposed to physicians who are usually in-and-out of each appointment, they are able to see the benefits of cannabis in a deeper way.

Helping Physicians Understand Cannabis as Medicine

As for why physicians are less likely to take interest in the program, Shields believes it’s simply a lack of information coming through the traditional channels.

“I think with [physicians] there’s a lot of, ‘Well, if I didn’t learn it in medical school, it can’t be true… this doesn’t have a lot of validity,’” Shields says. “Part of the problem is there’s a wealth of research available, [but] most of it has not been done in the U.S., so it requires a physician to look at it outside of the traditional channels. If the continuing education that goes on with physicians is very often delivered by pharmaceutical companies, that means they haven’t heard of the endocannabinoid system. They haven’t heard of cannabinoid medicine.”

That said, Shields does believe there is a big way in which physicians are learning about medical cannabis: from their patients. With more people broaching the subject with their doctors and sharing first-hand accounts of progress they’ve made using cannabis, physicians are, in a way, being forced to acknowledge its medicinal properties.

“You know this whole stigma—and we refer to it as “cannaphobia”—it exists, and it’s alive and well. I think one of the problems particularly for licensed practitioners is, if they’re talking to their clients about [cannabis], they’re worried, is this within my scope of practice?”

Shields and the HCA say the answer to that is a resounding “yes.” “This is education, and you have an obligation to your patient to give them a variety of options. It’s up to them to choose what they want to do.”

Still, not all patients are comfortable speaking to their doctor about cannabis. Shields notes, “A lot of patients are kind of intimidated [to have this conversation], particularly with a physician, who are kind of put on a pedestal.”

This is why it is so important for physicians to embrace education about medical cannabis and play an active role in deconstructing the stigmas. Fortunately, there is some hope. Slowly but surely, physicians are beginning to come around.

Exploring Patient Options and HCA Programs

When the HCA program first launched, the reaction was heavy with uncertainty. Now, only three years later, Shields sees a lot of the same physicians progressing their views as they witness legislative changes along with the personal accounts of their patient base.

Ultimately, the benefits of the Holistic Cannabis Academy program as not just for patients, but for healthcare professionals as well.

“If they have this level of competency, they can offer something that the health coach down the street doesn’t have, and therefore more clients will be interested to come to them. They can build their business, their practice, and generate revenue.”

As for patients who wish their own doctors would take the HCA program, Shields says they can offer some resources. While the HCA will not give out medical advice, they will inform patients about how to find good information on cannabis to take back to their doctors.

Student by student, the Holistic Cannabis Academy continues to educate all manner of health care practitioners about the benefits of medical cannabis, and in a world that is rapidly embracing cannabis reform, this education will grow in value for both curious, hopeful patients, and the practitioners who treat them.

Rae Lland | Leafly

[smallboyonherbike]

All the gay asks :P

Omfgggg ANON BLESS YOU how did you know I love to talk about myself I hope you know what you’re getting into as I overshare for 7897 pages

1. describe your idea of a perfect date

Literally all i want is a girl who’s nice and won’t eventually break my heart to take me out to dinner or a movie, like more adventurous dates are awesome too but currently my bar is at the level of “are you interested in me and not shitty”

2. whats your “type”

Idk tbh, I’m weird in that every girl I’ve dated has asked me out like I’ve never asked anyone out myself? So I guess my type is extroverts lol but in terms of who I’m attracted to……..I just love all girls honestly

3. do you want kids?

Probably not tbh, I adore kids and I miss being around them (I used to be a camp counselor) like I wish I had friends or family around with kids I could help take care of….but I just think I wouldn’t be a good mom, like maybe one day I’d be mature and together enough but at the moment I can’t see that happening

4. if you do, will you adopt or use some other form of child birth?

If I did I would want to adopt, for sure I know I never want to be pregnant, that terrifies me

5. describe the cutest date you’ve ever been on

Uhhhhhhhhh truly idk…..umm I went contra dancing w my gf in high school that was pretty cute?? Probably my cutest dates were w my abusive ex so all those memories are tainted now lol

6. describe your experience having sex for the first time (were you nervous? or was it easy peasy?)

WOWWW okay gonna do my best to resist over sharing but I’ll just say it was on a bathroom floor sndjsjjsbskss

7. are you a morning time gay or night time gay?

Night time, either I’m asleep and that is fun or I’m awake way too late being dumb on the internet

8. opinion on nap dates?

The BEST

9. opinion on brown eyes?

Beautiful!!

10. dog gay or cat gay?

BOTH I have two cats and a dog and they are my stupid amazing children

11. would you ever date someone who owned rodents or reptiles?

Mmmmm I mean it wouldn’t be a hard no but they do kind of freak me out, I mean like hamsters and rats don’t bug me too much but I don’t really like snakes

12. whats a turn off you look for before you start officially dating someone

I guess political opinions? Like if you’re racist or conservative it’s an automatic pass

13. what is a misconception you had about lgb people before you realized you were one?

Ooooh okay fun story when I was in 5th grade someone asked me if I knew what being gay was and I said it was a man who married another man and they said wrong two men can’t get married 😭😭😭😭

14. what is a piece of advice you would give to your younger self

Actually go to therapy and don’t lie to your therapist, stop being friends and dating complete a-holes

15. (if attracted to more than one gender) do you have different “types” for different genders?

I have like .2% attraction to men and they’re all fictional

16. who is an ex you regret?

I overshare about her all the time but my ex fiancée

17. night club gay or cafe gay?

Cafe, I do like clubs but I get anxious or just exhausted by going out

18. who is one person you would “go straight” for

Harry Shum Jr tbh ajdnndnsja

19. video game gay, book gay, or movie gay?

Book and tv gay

20. favourite gay ship (canon or not)

Magnus/Alec from shadowhunters and Willow/Tara and Buffy/faith from BTVS

21. favourite gay youtuber

ALL OF THEM but actually hannah hart, miles McKenna, ally hills, kaitlyn Alexander

22. have you ever unknowingly asked out a straight person?

Never asked anyone out so definitely not lol

23. have you ever been in love?

Unfortunately lmao

24. have you ever been heartbroken?

Hahahahaha……clearly yes

25. how do you determine if you want to be them or be with someone

Honestly impossible to say

26. favourite lgb musician/band

Considering I have a side blog for them and have seen them 6 soon to be 7 times it’s gotta be tegan and sara lol

27. what is a piece of advice you have for young / baby gays

It’s okay to be confused or insecure or self hating, things really do get better even if it takes years and years. And being able to talk to other gay people, even if just online, is so powerful.

28. are you out? if so how did you come out

Out as Fuck and originally I came out as bi at 12 (after a few months I switched to lesbian) originally in an online poem called “I’m bi” akdjjssjka im so embarrassing. Then my mom found out by going through my things :)

29. what is the most uncomfortable / strange coming out experience you have

Having to sit across from my dad at 12 while he asked me all these awkward questions and told me not to tell anyone bc it was probably a phase :/ luckily he’s cool now but that was awful

30. what is a piece of advice for people who may not be in a safe place to express their sexuality

Sigh idk tbh….I guess just finding any safe outlet you can to express yourself, online or journaling or a close friend or even just daydreaming, just any way to be able to experience yourself fully when you can