#my thoughts about him are not appropriate for public disclosure

[themageiboline]

...Q-Shaman? Really?

Rant-Time: Let’s talk about a certain meme-worthy character of todays events...

Today an unprecedented event occurred as Trump supporters, angered at the supposedly fraudulent election, descended on DC to partake in so-called "stop-the-steal" protests.

We've all heard of this, and many people more competent than myself have and will be continuing to cover the events of today, and the egregiously dangerous implications they might have for our democratic society.

Instead, I’m here to muse and vent about something which as relatively minor in the grand scheme of these events it may be, is also something that probably won’t really be addressed much by many outside of neopagan circles. I’m talking about Q-Shaman, or more specifically “Q-Shaman’s” tattoos.

Of course he is in the spotlight and being meme’d to high Hel as the barbarian American flag face paint wearing Braveheart wannabe that led their charge, but what concerns me are the Norse pagan tattoos he has very prominently displayed on his bare chest, in addition to the runes on his hands.

Here we can clearly see a valknut, Yggdrasil, and a Mjolnir down the left side of his chest. Now full disclosure I don’t know much about this man at the time of writing this other than what he did today and what you see here now, and that he has been dubbed Q-Shaman, either by himself or others in reference to the outlandish conspiracy of Q-Anon. I plan to rectify this in the coming days and possibly either make a follow up post or share an article exploring him in greater detail later.

But for now let’s talk about the implications here. The valknut is a symbol of Odin, and it seems to me like he’s using it as a symbol of devotion strongly implying a warrior cult mentality on his part. Assuming he’s aware of the historical context, he’s effectively saying, “strike here, I dare you” while it is also said to serve as a protective charm, only allowing the wearers death to come to pass when Odin sees it fit. If taken in a literal sense as an Odinist’s expression of devotion, it would be safe to assume he’s effectively a neo-pagan warrior cultist, who may well see the fight for Trumpism as his fighting chance to prove himself before Odin one day. Now, Odinists have become rather infamous over the years, as many are warrior cultists with fascist-adjacent if not explicitly fascist or even Neo-Nazi political beliefs. Many Odinist blots around the country are infamous for openly and brazenly displaying Nazi flags and portraits of Adolf Hitler within their lodges.

So now we have some douche canoe with three very important symbols to those of Nordic heritage and faith very prominently tattooed on his bared chest, taking part in what could only be described as some shitty, poorly thought out attempt at an insurrection fueled by right wing conspiracy, by supporters of an authoritarian right wing president that refuse to accept peaceful and democratic defeat. 

You see what this could mean for these symbols right? If we don’t watch it these symbols very dear to the hearts of many of Norwegian heritage and of Nordic faiths could very well go the way of the swastika if we let it. As it is right now valknuts are often seen automatically as racist symbols as it is, and Thor’s hammer Mjolnir seems to very quickly be following suit. The fact of the matter is we neither have the right nor the ability to stop them from using these symbols, or from believing in and using Nordic faiths as justifications for their authoritarianisms. 

What we can do, and what we must do if we’re to preserve these symbols and by extension help to protect a class of already marginalized religious minorities, is refuse to allow them to appropriate these within the public conscious as symbols entirely their own. That means we have to stand up and be vocal whenever we see people falsely equating these symbols as being inherently symbols of hate no matter the context. We have to stand up when we see voices of hate using these symbols, and make it loud and clear they do not represent us all and will not be tolerated within our communities. 

If you’re of a Nordic faith and have the emotional mental and physical energy to do so, it might mean wearing your Mjolnir out proudly in the open, ready to shoot down any accusations of hate with snappy quips, such as “ well this hammer smashes fascists” perhaps. On that note, you can buy shirts with this phrase to make this clear to all who see you if you wish. In fact I’m contemplating making a design of my own for Print-On-Demand websites, though I have no guarantees that I’ll ever get it done.

Anyways, that’s my rant for tonight. I hope it wasn’t too long winded and I certainly have no plans of making a habit of this but I just really needed to get that off my chest.

On a related note, here’s a link to an Etsy page with some very relevant stickers you might want to check out.

#NAZIPAGANSFUCKOFF #THISHAMMERSMASHESFASCISTS

[wisehq]

Mission Debrief: Chapter 43

...IT’S HAPPENING! IT’S HAPPENING! IT’S HAPPENING-!

Alright, before we get into it- full disclosure; the hivemind is in full swing at the Operation Strix discord server, so pretty much anything I write here is going to be an amalgamation of all the conspiracy theories and reactions we vomited out as soon as the chapter dropped. On that same note, I think writing these the day after will start to be the norm. Just so I have the chance to calm myself before going on a twenty-page tangent about everything Endo may or may not be planning.

Okay [deep breath] let’s get into it.

First, let’s start off with Franky, before we get into the juicy stuff.

When the chapter first started, I thought we were going to get backstory on Franky. Endo seemed to be alluding to this on his twitter page, and I was actually interested in possibly seeing more about his and Twilight’s relationship. Of course that didn’t end up happening; instead we got another side story about Franky trying to get some action by finding a lady’s lost cat, but seeing as how it’s Franky we’re talking about it seemed appropriate. Also, how can I be upset when-

The princess herself arrives! I gotta say, I loved the lightheartedness of most of this chapter. Yor’s always a delight, and pairing her together with Franky was a smart move on Endo’s part. They built off each other’s wackiness and I love this moment with the two of them. Just like with Twilight, we see that Franky genuinely wants to make the world a better place (and also get rich along the way) and Yor’s so impressed with him. I also liked that moment where Franky is surprised to find Yor still playing Loid’s wife even when he isn’t there- much like how he was with Anya while he was babysitting her. Just another little nod to the fact that he sees the Forger girls as being more than players in a game of elaborate house.

Then- just a quick thing before we get into what I know we all want to talk about- it’s interesting to me that Franky isn’t a one-man operation. He has a whole network of informants that he works with, and it makes sense that someone in his line of work has a many ears on the wall as possible. It’s a surefire way to stay plugged into the goings-on of the Ostanian underworld, unless of course...

...They get taken out by Garden.

AGHGHGHGHGH ALRIGHT, OK LET’S GO-

Garden. We finally have a name for Yor’s group now; we thought it was The Shop for the longest time, but apparently that’s only part of it. Yor alluded to this briefly back in ch. 29 when she described The Shop was being in charge of information gathering, and once their job was done it was Yor’s turn to come in and do the actual assassination. In this sense we see The Shop was being more of a support role in the same way that Franky is, though it’s still safe to assume the Shopkeeper is still in charge of both The Shop and Garden. At least for now- until we get more information to say otherwise, anyway.

Of course, the interesting thing is our silhouetted figures standing in this panel- not to mention the fact that Franky states that all the members are capable of taking on a whole troop of soldiers (for reference, a troop ranges between 9 and 100 men, though it usually hovers around 50). We know Yor is capable of doing this, but now that we also know the other assassins of Garden are as well, it begs the question; is Yor’s strength truly a unique thing in this world? And if it isn’t, what could be the source of it?

OSO-R, the drug used during the Tennis arc, was described as being in its trial stages. I originally chalked up it’s fast development time as just being part of manga logic, although I’m now starting to question that theory. It’s possible the roadmap for OSO-R has been around for much longer than first thought, and may find its traces back to when the war had just ended. Loid describes Garden as having been around for some time. We also know that Yor was just a child when she started up her assassination gig, so it’s possible that she and others like her may be have been exposed to a serum similar to OSO-R a decade or so before. Given Ostania’s track record of human experimentation, the scenario is possible.

Also going back to what Franky describes as “the shadow government”; it’s interesting that we’re hearing rumblings of a government operating outside the public’s view literally one chapter after we were just introduced to the concept of a royal class at some point in Ostania’s past. There’s a lot of things that cab be construed from this (such as Garden serving an authority that doesn’t necessarily align with Donovan and the government) but listing everything would just turn this review into one long-winded mess. So instead, we’re gonna entertain a fun theory- one that may or may not be true, but if it *does* end up being confirmed later on down that road, you heard it here first.

*ahem*

Mr. Green is a part of Garden.

Allow me to state my case.

When ch. 39 came out, I found it very unusual that a brand new character we haven’t seen before got a majority of the panel-time alongside Damian and the boys. It wasn’t very suspicious at the time, given that we’d just been introduced to Becky’s maid Martha, so we all just assumed Endo was building up his side characters a bit. For all intents and purposes, that may very well be the case.

However.

I know one person in particular who latched onto this panel right here, and for good reason; why would a security guard stationed at a school nowhere close to the border know about code words being used by people trying to cross over illegally? Yes, he was supposedly in the navy, but the way he phrases it here heavily implies that these code words are a recent affair, or at the very least are still being used currently. Why would he know that? Even if he was in the military, it’s information that has absolutely nothing to do with being in the navy.

Mr. Green is also very strong; strong enough to make the boys think they were going down rapids when in actuality it was just him rowing so fast. Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever paddled a boat before, but it’s hard work- and it’s certainly difficult to the get that boat going at cruising speed, let alone fast enough to cause rapids. Yor’s the only one we’ve seen with strength like that and- yes, Green was supposedly in the navy, but at this point in time we don’t know anything else about him. We don’t know what he did after the war, nor do we know how he wound up in Eden Academy in the first place.

This is where we start going deep down the rabbit hole. Hang on.

This gentleman who we’ve never seen before is clearly aware that Garden exists, or at the very least is privy to Yor’s actual job. Much like how WISE has plants within Loid’s hospital, this man likely works to support Yor in some way. If such is the case, we can likely assume that- because the shadow government is supporting Garden- they would have their assassins posted in key areas for various reasons, likely to keep an eye out for traitors or to keep them spread out to cover a wide area should the need ever arise to deploy them.

We’ve only ever see Yor target traitorous politicians and outright terrorists (I realize this one is just a daydream, but you get my point). It would make sense, seeing as how she works at city hall and it would likely put her in an advantageous position when hunting them down. Of course, politicians aren’t the only people who might catch Garden’s attention. Given the amount of political and economic unrest that is currently going on in the country, there likely would be some people who would be fed up with the state of things. Such people may not be like Franklin Perkin- someone who would take direct action against the government- but instead would rather try to steer others towards a mindset that stands in opposition to Ostania. Such a person may try to target more impressionable people- people who are likely to listen and learn from an authority figure in their lives. People like...small children.

Eden students.

Garden. Eden. I see what you’re doing there, Endo.

Traitorous professors? Renegade academics? It would make sense to have a Garden assassin stationed at the most prestigious school in the country; the amount of information and contacts that are positioned around there are second to none, and what better way to suppress insurrection than at the source, at the very foundations of knowledge itself? Also, for kicks and giggles, let’s not forget that the name Mr. Green certainly fits with the plant motif Endo is going for with his assassin group (Garden. Thorn Princess. Briar. You catch my drift?)

Am I grasping at straws? Probably lol. I’d also like to reiterate that this is in no way all my thinking- a lot of crazy people put their brains together for this one, good or bad. But hey, it’s about all we can do until the next chapter! And at the very least, it’s a lot of fun to wonder what-if!

Also, BONUS

...She’s coming.

[mypoisonedvine]

Satisfied | Andy Barber x reader (chapter 1)

summary: you’re the only lawyer in Boston who can get under Andy Barber’s skin, but you didn’t realise that he was trying to get under your clothes.  as is the nature of law, it’s only a matter of time before the truth is discovered.

word count: 3.6k

warnings: smut, semi-public sex, terrible courtroom decorum, two lawyers with 0 (zero) brain cells

You were early. You were always early. Being so early gave you time to prepare but more importantly, it gave you time to warm up. You had time to go over your notes and to read about the prosecution expert, Lieutenant Burns, of the fire department, and find out who the opposing counsel was. 

You got an email first thing in the morning saying that there was a change as the original state representation was unwell. It annoyed you, but there was no prosecutor in the state that you did not know, so it couldn’t be a complete surprise. That was the smallest relief you were granted.

Your coffee burnt your hand as the flimsy paper cup did little to insulate your skin from the scalding liquid. It was a bad start to your day. That paired with an unknown prosecutor made your mood more sour than usual. 

You thought that it could not get any worse. You were wrong. It was as if your worst nightmares had all rolled into one when he walked towards your courtroom. Glancing down, you hoped that he had not noticed you.

It was when he stood outside of your courtroom that you realised he was your prosecutor.  Just your luck.  Why did it seem like you ended up with him more than anyone else, when it was allegedly random chance?

The good news was, you were the lawyer who could handle him best.  Didn’t mean you liked to, but still.  At least you could play with your food a little bit before you ate it.  “Andy Barber…” your voice trailed off when he turned to you. “I didn’t expect to see you here.  I thought you actually had to pass the bar to go in and represent someone...or something.”

Andy sighed and rubbed his temple.  “Do we have to start this shit now?” he glanced down at his watch, “it’s half-past eight in the morning.”

“Start what? I’m not starting anything, I just wanted to remind you that you must be qualified to be here.”  You took a swig of coffee and let the words settle in, “I hope you were up all night googling what a deposition is.”

“It’s too fucking early for this. I refuse to deal with it. I refuse to deal with you.” Andy put emphasis on the last word to try to get through to you. “I just got this case this morning and I can’t… I just can’t, right now.”

“Giving up so soon?  I thought you were Andy ‘nobody-can-fucking-faze-me’ Barber,” your tone was mocking but it was ambiguous as to who you were actually mocking. Was it yourself? Was it Andy? You hoped that it was Andy. “And remember, there’s no judge today so you’re going to have to ‘deal with me’ all by yourself.”

“I swear, if you act this way during the deposition...” Andy was livid, his grip on his coffee and pastry was white-knuckle tight. The vein in his neck was bulging over the top of his collar. “Can you just be a fucking adult for once in your life?”

“What have I done for you to be in such a fucking sour mood?  It’s as if you want to wind me up.” You threw your arms in the air as Andy walked off. In your mind, you were unsure as to whether it was actually a victory or not.

---

“Thank you for joining us today, Lieutenant Burns. Please could you please state your name and occupation for the court.”

“Your name is Lieutenant Burns?” you interrupted the deposition causing Andy to look over at you in annoyance. A small giggle erupts from your lips as you try to compose yourself.

“Yes, my name is Cole Burns, and I’m a lieutenant firefighter at the Suffolk County Fire Station No. 7.”

“Wait,” you, once again, interrupted the deposition, trying to hold in your laughter, “your name is really Cole Burns? Like ‘coal burns’? And you’re a firefighter? This can’t be real.”

“Didn’t you read the report?” Andy asked incredulously.

“I did, but I assumed that you changed the names just to mess with me,” you shrugged and sat down.

“This is what is going to happen now, you’re going to be good, shut up, and sit down so that I can ask my questions. The sooner you do that, the sooner we can get away from each other.”

You shook your head in response and Andy ignored you. He went back to questioning his witness as you watched.

“Was it true that there was accelerant found at the site of the fire which was not found in the building prior to the fire?”

“Objection-- that’s a leading question.” You raised your hand briefly in the air to signify both verbally and physically that you objected. Andy turned and glared at you not hiding his displeasure. The poor witness looked around the room and waited patiently for you to stop arguing. “Lieutenant Burns, please do not answer that question.”

“Okay.  Are you going to let me examine the witness now--” Andy already sounded exasperated. You knew that it would be a long day with him and he knew that too. The premise of the deposition was easy but Andy Barber made everything difficult.

“No, but--” You raised your finger and tried to finish your sentence. You blinked for a few seconds in surprise that he actually had the audacity to cut you off again.

“--or are you just going to--” he continued, speaking over you again.  Andy rubbed his hand over his beard in frustration. If he had just let you speak, the deposition would have been far easier. You clenched your jaw as he spoke. Had he no manners?  

“What I’m going to do is try to be as big an asshole as you are, Andy, and I’m going to object whenever I need to,” you crossed your arms in front of your chest and grinned at him smugly with your head cocked to one side. ‘Whether you like it or not.”

“Okay.  That was a bad word you just used.” He cocked his eyebrow at you and tutted. You breathed out, nose flaring and sighed. The sooner the day was over with, the sooner you were able to get away from Andy. 

“Really?  You recognize that word.” You gasped and pretended to be surprised by the announcement. Your voice dripped with sarcasm. It was lucky that there was no judge present as there was a high chance both you and Andy would be disbarred for your behaviour.

“Yeah,” Andy deadpanned. You glanced around at the room and saw both your client and the expert witness shift in his chairs uncomfortably. The air was tense whenever you and Andy were in a room together and today was no different.

“Do you?” You tried to wind him up even further. You wanted to push him as far as you could. The tension made the rest of the courtroom uncomfortable and the stenographer looked to you multiple times to see if she should continue noting down the argument. 

“Yeah.” You could tell that Andy had reached the end of his tether. “Is that so much of a surprise for you?”

“Well, good.  You want me to write it out for you?  I can make it an exhibit for you, if you’d like.  Alright?” You grabbed a pen and started to write the word on a piece of paper on your desk. It was littered with exhibits and documents. So much so that you were surprised that you were able to find a scrap of unused paper.

“Why don’t we keep our language appropriate, okay?” His tone was condescending and he threw you a tight-lipped smile before snatching the new ‘exhibit’ from your hand. You fake gasped when Andy threw the paper away and Andy skimmed through a document in his hand ignoring you. If he was not an attorney, Andy would have made a good teacher with the tone he always used on you. Patronising. 

“Well, why don’t you ask questions, and I’ll worry about what I’m doing.” Andy continued his questioning of his witness before it was your turn to question him. “Lieutenant Burns, please could you give us your expert opinion on what you saw at the scene of the fire?”

“The fire did not start from an electrical device nor did it come from the kitchen. This meant that there was already a greater suspicion of arson--”

You tapped your pen against the table as the Lieutenant spoke. “I’m sorry to stop you, Lieutenant,” Andy turned to you with a tight jaw, “can you stop, please?”

“What am I doing? I’m letting you ask all of your important questions.”

“You’re tapping the pen.”

“Is that what I was doing?” you feigned innocence as the poor stenographer typed away at the argument.

“You know that’s what you were doing.” Andy turned back to his witness, “I apologise, Lieutenant, please could you continue what you were saying.”

“Thank you, ADA Barber,” the Lieutenant looked uncomfortable, ‘I was speaking about why we suspected the fire to be arson. The burn patterns indicated that there was an accelerant used.” 

Andy pulled out a picture and walked towards the witness, “Lieutenant Burns, are these the burn patterns you were referring to? Please note for the record that the prosecution is showing the witness exhibit 12.”

“Yes, that is the pattern.” Andy retrieved the exhibit from the witness and thanked him for his time. It was your turn to question the witness.

“Lieutenant Burns, in your professional opinion, is there any other reason that could have caused the fire?” you hoped that Andy had not had the time to completely look through the disclosure yet and would not have seen the exhibit you would rely on.

“It is highly unlikely due to the amount of accelerant found at the scene,” the firefighter shifted in his chair.

“Is it not possible that the accelerant found its way into the building without a person?” you picked out an exhibit and handed it to him, “please note that defence is giving the witness exhibit 52.”

It was a report on the building’s previous use as an oil storage unit. It was evident from the state of disrepair that the building had been fairly dangerous and the previous owners had not cleaned off any oil spills. 

“Please could you read out the report, Lieutenant Burns.” you had a smug smile on your lips that you tried your hardest to suppress. Andy’s hands were clenched into fists as he watched it all unfold in front of him.

“After an inspection of the property, Unit 42, it was found that the building was unsafe to be in and should be foreclosed immediately.” the Lieutenant looked at you and you nodded for him to continue reading it. “There was evident oil spillage on multiple surfaces of the building including but not exclusive to the floor, walls, and ceiling.”

“Please could you read out the author of the report, and when it was written.”

“Lieutenant Cole Burns, dated 24th April 2020.”

“Would it be possible for a fire to have started without the presence of a person, Lieutenant?” you raised your eyebrow and turned to give Andy a victorious smile.

“In certain cases...there could be a chemical reaction that would cause a fire,” the Lieutenant shifted in his seat under your intense gaze, “it would be possible.”

“And as such, in a building that is known to have been unsafe due to a mixture of chemical spillages and one with oil, could that cause a fire?” 

“Yes. The oil would act as an accelerant.”

“Counsel, would you still like to try and get your boy to take the stand?” the smug grin on your face was now undeniable. 

“Objection, form.” Andy rose from his seat and you turned back to glare at him. There was nothing wrong with your line of questioning, nor was there anything wrong with your phrasing of it.

“I’ll object--” You cut Andy off once more and roll your eyes. 

“Your boy, over there,” you pointed at the witness, “has-”

“I’ll object to your blatant sidebar there,” Andy grew tense and you knew that you were getting under his skin, “furthermore, Counsel, my witness is a decorated firefighter. He is a Lieutenant. Show him some respect.”

There was then a short break. You stormed out of the courtroom to get a cup of coffee and to get away from Andy. The man infuriated you. But it brought you so much delight to wind him up.

---

You checked your phone to find a text from your friend: 1 Attachment Image.  Just as you were about to open it, another popped up.  Check out who’s alone and getting wasted at O’Leary’s.

You opened the conversation to find a picture of Andy Barber, mid-gulp of a boilermaker at the bar.

Seriously?  With the deposition continuing tomorrow? you typed quickly in reply, and sent it.

You must have seriously gotten to him, she answered with a shrugging emoji.

You erased your apartment from the map destination on your phone and put in O’Leary’s Pub instead. Maybe a drink would do you good. Or so you thought.

“Well well well,” you greeted with a grin as you stepped up to the bar, lavishing in the way his face dropped when he saw you, “look who’s drinkin’ away the loser blues.”

“I haven’t lost,” he frowned and sighed. It was heavy and resignatory. He was tired of you. That much was clear.

“Yet,” you added with a wink.  “Tell me something, Barber.  How is it that you manage to convince everyone you’re a perfect angel, in spite of everything you’ve done?  I swear, if I had stolen the valedictorian title from you, everyone would’ve called me a bitch.”

“Oh, people still call you a bitch,” he reassured, casually lifting his beer to go for another gulp.

You slapped the glass out of his hand and watched it crash onto the floor.  He looked at the foamy mess on the ground before turning to you.  

“Fucking seriously?!” he exclaimed as you tried to stifle both a laugh and a scream.

You looked up instinctively at the sound of the door opening, only to see Andy in the reflection behind you.

“This is the women’s washroom-- can’t you read?” you quipped before looking at your own reflection again. As best as you tried to avoid Andy, his presence was undeniable. There was a blatant shift in any room he entered.

He said nothing, shutting the door behind him and stepping up to you.  You continued washing your hands as if you weren’t suddenly feeling dizzy and your heart wasn’t racing. Andy, however, could see through your faux-composed demeanour. 

As you dried your hands, you felt him right behind you, nearly pressing against you, the smell of alcohol and cologne drifting towards you while you threw the paper towel away.

You turned to leave but he was still standing there, caging you in.  Something in his eyes was fiery, more aggressive than you’d seen in him before. Just as you began to side step to get away, he grabbed the sink with both hands from either side and you were trapped.

“Mr. Barber,” you began, your voice coming out much weaker and breathier than it had sounded in your head, “what… what are you doing?”

He leaned in and his breath tickled your ear and neck.  “You,” he whispered, ignoring your question, “are impossible.” The smell of alcohol was equal parts strong and alluring.

“I’m just trying to throw you off, Andy,” you shrugged, “I know you can handle it.  Or, I thought you could.  You need to learn to ignore me.”

His hand moved from the sink to your arm, holding you down tightly.

“I can’t,” he growled.  “I can’t ignore you.  Since that first day at Harvard, you have been… my kryptonite.”

“You’re Superman in this example?” you chuckled trying to break some of the tension.

And that was it.  He grabbed your face with both hands and kissed you with an erratic neediness.  You surprised even yourself by reciprocating instantly, reaching up to grab at his shirt.  He slid his hands down to grab at the back of your thighs, lifting you up onto the faux-marble countertop.

“Fuck,” you mumbled as his hands reached up your skirt, pushing it up from the inside. Goosebumps rose all over your body as it was exposed to the air.

“God, I hate you,” he growled as he pulled you closer to him, pushing his clothed erection against your panties.  You whimpered at the feeling as he rolled his hips and you could feel every detail of his cock through the trousers. 

You didn’t reply, instead slipping your hands between your bodies to start working open his belt and pants. You fumbled with them unsure if it was the alcohol or the anticipation that rendered you useless. He kissed you again, his tongue aggressively sliding into your mouth as one of his hands still held your face with a possessive grip.

Didn’t take long for you to get his cock out and instantly start stroking it, gasping at how hot and hard it felt in your palm.  He barely managed to get your hand off him before he was pulling your underwear aside and lining up with your entrance.

“Somebody could walk in,” you warned him.

“Should’ve thought of that before you let me get this far,” he hissed in reply.

And then he pushed into you all at once, slamming his hips into yours.

“Fuck!” you yelped.  Before you could even process it he was moving again, thrusting into you quickly, ruthlessly.

He pulled back and reached up to your blazer, pushing it aside so he could unceremoniously rip your shirt open, sending some buttons popping off and flying into unknown corners.  He leaned down and left wet kisses down your chest and between your breasts, pushing them together against his face before pulling one out of your bra to suck on your nipple.

You looked down at him-- brown hair falling out of its meticulously styled shape, cheeks flushed pink from the alcohol, eyes shut as he diligently focused on tasting you, lips open to take your skin into his mouth-- and wondered how the fuck you were doing this with Andy fucking Barber.  

His teeth grazed your nipple and a surge of wetness seeped from your walls around his cock.  Both of you moaned.

He stood up suddenly and pulled out of you, manhandling you until you were turned around and bent over the countertop.  He took a moment to pull down your underwear and get a good look at your ass before slamming into you again; you had to put your hand on the mirror to keep from being thrown forward by his brutal thrusts.

He held your hips in place as he fucked you, his head falling back a little when he bit his lip. A low moan escaped his lips as he felt your walls snug around him.

“Fuck, so tight,” he groaned as he buried himself in you as deep as possible with each movement.  

Your eyes fluttered shut but suddenly he grabbed you by the hair and pulled you up, wrapping his other arm around your waist.  “Open your eyes,” he demanded, and you did.  “Look at yourself.”

You looked pretty fucking wasted, honestly.  Shirt torn open, bra half pulled-down underneath it, skirt hiked up to your waist and below it all, his annoyingly-perfect cock sliding into you, slick with the undeniable evidence of your arousal. 

“I can tell you’re gonna come,” he grinned, biting down on your earlobe teasingly.  “You’re squeezing me.  You love this.”

You didn’t even have the heart to deny it, letting your head fall back onto his shoulder and moaning louder. 

“Gonna come getting fucked in a dirty pub bathroom?  God, you’re filthy,” he hissed.  “My little fuckdoll. Say that you’re my dirty little fuckdoll.”

You gasped and reached back to grab the back of his neck, pulling him into another kiss.  He obliged, running his hand up to palm at your breast. Unable to speak, Andy gripped your jaw until you stuttered it out between moans.  “Yours,” you whimpered, “I’m your little-- fuck-- your fuckdoll, Andy.”

He hissed and sped up his thrusts, and you were sure your knees would buckle.  Pleasure was burning through you and making everything feel hot and tingly and numb.  You just accepted it when he pushed you back and held you down by the back of your neck as he fucked you harder and faster than ever.

“Fucking say my name when you come,” he demanded.  “Don’t forget who’s fucking you like this.”

You were afraid you’d scream it and get you both caught, but you couldn’t stop yourself.  “Oh god, Andy, oh my god, don’t stop!” you begged.

He did anything but stop, just groaning as he moved faster until you were a complete mess, your walls rippling at the same time as your mouth opened into a silent scream while you came.

“Oh fuck,” he whimpered at the feeling of your orgasm, quickly spiralling into his own.  He growled one last time as he pushed into you and painted your insides with his seed.  “Fuuuuck yes,” he groaned as he pulled out.  You tried to get up but he kept holding you down so he could watch his come spill out of you and drip down your legs.

“Better clean up before somebody comes in,” he smiled as he zipped up his pants, slapped your ass, and started to walk away.

“Been a pleasure as always, Mr. Barber,” you frowned, pulling your blazer back on and buttoning it to cover where your shirt couldn’t.

“I could tell,” he winked.  “You’re as tight as you were in college.  You need to get laid more often.”

(next chapter)

[starker-stories]

My Beautiful Statue

Title: My Beautiful Statue Also on AO3  Square: I-2 Pairing: Starker, Peter Parker/Tony Stark Rating: M Words:1471 Created for: @mcukinkbingo​

Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply Pre-Slash, Objectification, College Age Peter Parker, Public Nudity, Human Statue

Summary: The requirements were simple. Beautiful, obviously. A muscular, proportional body, again obviously. Willing to be naked. Then there was the difficult one — must be able to hold a pose absolutely still for fifteen minutes. Most couldn’t even make it past three.

Tony looked at dozens of boys who responded to his advertisement. He’d managed to hire two. He needed at least a half dozen, so he was stuck with the task of looking at good looking young men all day. One would think that was a good thing, getting to ogle the pretty boys. After nine of them couldn’t even meet the basic requirements, he was bored and he was tired.

The requirements were simple. Beautiful, obviously. A muscular, proportional body, again obviously. Willing to be naked. Then there was the difficult one — must be able to hold a pose absolutely still for fifteen minutes. Most couldn’t even make it past three. Tony had lowered the time requirement. A professional human statue could do thirty minutes easily, then gracefully shift and change poses. But everyone of his guests knew the usual human statues. After a while, it was dull seeing the same ten faces over and over and over.

There were certain types of parties that Tony threw where he liked to decorate his home with these objects. Beautiful in face and body. Unmoving. Displayed for the pleasure of the guests. But mostly displayed for the pleasure of himself.

He looked at the next kid’s application. “Parker, Peter. Let’s see your face.” Tony reached up and grabbed Peter by the chin, turning his face in every direction. “Well you certainly qualify on the beauty part, baby,” Tony said with a seductive purr to his voice. If all went well, he’d be decorating Tony’s bed at the end of a night of decorating his party. “Undress completely,” Tony ordered and sat back in his chair to watch Peter remove his clothes. “Slowly and gracefully would be a nice touch. Brief poses after each part of you is revealed.”

Peter took his time pulling his white t-shirt over his head. Instead of the usual way, just yanking it off by the back of his collar, he slid one arm out. Which revealed his abs and then, with the second arm, his chest. The shirt hung like a collar around his neck. Peter bunched it up tightly in his hand in front, almost making a roll of it, so the final removal would cover his face as briefly, and as little, as possible.

He held the pose — straight, arms at his side, glancing down to the waist of his jeans as his fingers touched the button there. He didn’t even twitch as he held the pose, not briefly, but for a full minute. Tony hardly noticed when the kid’s hands began to move to unfasten his pants.

This was Peter’s first time doing a job like this. He would never have considered it, but the pay offered would be enough to pay his rent for three months. He’d studied ballet for eleven years as a kid. He knew how to move with grace and precision. The holding still part was also part of the training. Not for as long as the ad said, but as a background dancer, he’d have to hold still so the focus would be on the principals. Fifteen minutes was longer than he’d done, but he tried it before answering the ad and he easily did it. Getting naked in front of someone as handsome and well known as Tony Stark was the biggest obstacle Peter faced. Three month’s rent, he told himself as he let his jeans fall to the floor with a twist of his hips and only a little push. At least his underwear was still on, but he knew that wouldn’t last. And a thin layer of cloth did nothing to dissuade Tony’s heated stare.

Socks and shoes and jeans, pooled around his feet… Peter considered poses. There was no graceful way to remove the items while standing. He dropped to the floor using his arms to break the fall, letting them absorb the force with a curving bend. He pushed his jeans off over his shoes and cast them aside. Peter slid into a half-split, one knee bent, bringing his shoes into reach. Slowly, with careful movements of his hands, he untied them. Then continued on, sliding the laces through the holes, until they were nearly unlaced, not simply untied. He held his body still, causing the focus to be drawn to his long, slender fingers.

With a leap, he raised off the floor with his strong thighs, landing on two feet which immediately went into a ballet position. When he glanced at Tony, he saw his impressed reaction by a sharply raised eyebrow.

“A dancer.” Tony’s voice was low, appreciative, and a little curious. “I bet you’re very flexible,” he added with a smirk.

Peter blushed. It was obvious where Tony wanted to see his flexibility. And it wasn’t at the party, even though he’d be displaying it there.

One last item of clothing. Peter hesitated and Tony stood from his seat. He stepped into Peter’s space and ran his hand up and down his lithe, muscular arm. “I discourage it, but you can’t control your guests,” he said with a shrug. “There might be touching.” Tony’s hand left Peter’s arm and caressed his cotton clad ass. “If it does happen, and darling, as beautiful as you are, it probably will, your salary doubles. Will that be a problem?”

Six month’s rent? “Only touching, right?” Peter asked. “The ad said this wasn’t sex work.”

“Only touching. And never here,” Tony said, cupping his hand over Peter’s bulge. “Or here,” he said, running a fingertip lightly down the boy’s crack. “No sex or sexual touching will be allowed.”

Except by the host, Peter thought. Tony Stark was used to doing whatever he wanted. The only shocking thing was that this party was to be decorated with young men instead of young women. Peter supposed that was why the restrictive non-disclosure statement had to be signed before he even went to his interview. Keep the fact that the famous playboy also liked men hidden away from the public.

Peter had gone to bed with closeted guys before. He stopped the thought. Not that I’m intending to go to bed with Tony Stark. Nope. Not thinking about how handsome he is. And how his warm, calloused hand felt on my skin.

With an upturned wave of his hand, Tony impatiently indicated Peter’s underwear had yet to be removed.

He turned his back to Tony and slowly slid his briefs over the curve of his ass, sliding down until they caught at the juncture of his thigh. He turned around and finished taking them off, revealing his cock and balls.

Tony sucked in a breath between his teeth. The kid was perfect. Just like a classical marble statue. His small cock perfectly proportioned to his shaved hairless balls. “Good lord, all of you is beautiful.” His stare made the kid nervous and his hands started heading to cover himself. “Unh unh. Hands elsewhere. Pose.

Leaving himself exposed, Peter curled in a bit on himself with his upper body. He tucked one hand under the opposite armpit. Staring straight ahead, he didn’t look into Tony’s eyes, those were focused lower.

Tony finally raised his eyes. With Peter’s stare, they locked immediately. The boy’s gaze softened and his lips parted just a tiny little bit. “Can you hold that pose for fifteen? Adjust your legs however will make that possible. Can’t have you passing out.”

“Yes sir,” Peter said and settled into fourth position, which, crossed in the front, contributed to his shy, curled in, body

Standing again, Tony circled Peter, looking him up and down from every angle. “Twenty-five hundred, even double for allowing touch, is simply not enough for your beauty. You’ll be the centerpiece. Ten thousand is more appropriate. But you must stay from beginning to end. It could be five or six or even seven hours. You’ll be allowed a position change every fifteen minutes. I’ve no doubt you’ll make it fluid and graceful.” He came around to Peter’s front again. “You should consider objectification as a career. It pays well for someone as…” Tony shook his head slowly in appreciation. “You’re perfect, Peter. I want you to work at every one of these parties I give. I want you to be there at every one of these parties I’m invited to.” He met the kid’s eyes. “I never want to stop looking at you.”

Tony chucked a finger under Peter’s chin and lifted his face. He touched his lips to the boy’s with a feather-light kiss. “Learn to hold the poses for a half hour. I’ll have you painted to look like marble and build a niche in my bedroom. I want to look at you while I’m fucking them. I doubt they’ll even recognize you as a living boy. You’ll only be my beautiful statue.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[personalcoachingcenter]

Research Paper: Language Matters

New Post has been published on https://personalcoachingcenter.com/research-paper-language-matters/

Research Paper: Language Matters

Research Paper By Charlene Moynihan (Ability Coach, UNITED STATES)

Introduction

A man is worked upon by what he works on. He may carve out his circumstances, but his circumstances will carve him out as well. –Frederick Douglass

Diversity is inherent in everything we experience such as nature and its multitude of variance, and, people and their cultures. If we are to truly celebrate differences, we must begin by knowing and understanding those differences. As coaches, that knowing/understanding must begin with ourselves. As one who will work with those who have a relationship to a disability, I must have knowledge and awareness of disability culture.

Moreover, as an individual with a disability, I must understand what it is that makes me different than others if I am to truly approach this endeavor with a celebratory mindset.

ICA teaches us that

Culture exists in the minds of the individuals that have learned from other human beings what is acceptable in their interactions with other human beings. Culture allows us to communicate with one another in a language that we have learned and share in common. -International Coach Academy

With the understanding that coaching sessions are about the client and not the coach, how to promote my work to potential clients has much to do with who I am and how I present myself. I felt I needed to address the issue of how much of my personal experience to share in the promotional process since how I am perceived affects the assessment of a good fit between coach and client.

This brings up the dilemma that many potential clients will face, exactly what, when, and how much is appropriate to disclose when it comes to disability. As a person with an acquired disability, it was a question that I needed a comfortable answer to. If I can understand the process it takes to answer that question, I can recognize a similar struggle and the need to address it with my clients.

I looked to disability theory with a particular focus on the language used to speak about disability for some insight. The language we use communicates much about who we are, how we think, and what we believe. This paper will focus on the language used to speak of disability.

Let’s start with an explanation of the predominant models of disability theory.

Disability Theory

The Medical Model

The medical model of disability talks of it in terms of impairment, deficiency, and/or abnormality. It is something that exists within the body/the person and it is the person’s responsibility to learn how to deal with it. The medical field seeks to cure and/or treat the disability with therapies that are aimed at making the person function more “normally”. Most of the language used by the medical community to discuss/describe disability are negatives, suffering from, and afflicted with for example. These words communicate that disability is not something desirable and reflects an attitude of negativity in the way the non-medical community thinks about disability.

The Social Model

The social model sees disability as simply a part of who one is; no different than gender, race, or age. The problem of disability is viewed as one of interaction in a society that is often inaccessible and unaware of the severity of the struggles it presents. The social model seeks to fix these struggles through a change in society, through awareness and accessibility. The language used by the social model is person-centered as opposed to identity-centered, a “person with a disability” vs. a “disabled person” treating the disability as only a part of the whole. These phrases are far less negative.

These are the two major models of disability at play. They are far more complicated than I have related and the advantages and consequences of each warrant much consideration. Many interdisciplinary approaches to these models exist and are not dissimilar to those related to issues of sexual identity and race when it comes to disclosure and discrimination. But the brief descriptions demonstrate incredible differences in the way people think and speak about a disability.

The Research

For this paper, I will limit my discussion to that the language used to speak of disability and its impact on the members of the community. It is the language we use that reflects one’s understanding of disability. It is also the language others use that impacts a decision to disclose ones’ identity to the speaker or not. Comfort level and confidence in the speaker’s understanding are paramount. In this cancellation culture, what language does one choose when speaking about disability? How does one speak of disability in a way that communicates comfort and confidence? My research offered some insight into these questions. I was able to locate two papers addressing this issue that struck a note with me.

A lot of controversies exist around the use of the word disability. In #SaytheWord: A Disability Culture Commentary on the Erasure of “Disability” the authors say, “The literature indicates that despite the importance of language on attitudes toward disabled people, attempts to avoid the term ‘disability’ remain and may have unintended consequences.” -Andrews, E. E., Forber-Pratt, A. J., Mona, L. R., Lund, E. M., Pilarski, C. R., & Balter, R. (2019). Some thought by removing the word disability and substituting things like “differently-abled” would remove some of the associated negativity in the same way that person-first language helps to minimize labeling and categorizing people by identity-first.

The concern is that the use of euphemisms can serve to reinforce the idea that disability is negative and can be indicative of bias or prejudiced thinking. Such euphemisms, like Photoshop, take something less appealing and make it more acceptable to the viewer; that the viewer may feel more comfortable/more pleased with the subject matter. This reluctance to use the word disabled is more about the needs of the non-disabled who have bias and/or prejudice thinking that underlies their discomfort, and, the disabled who fear being stigmatized; the primary reason reported for not disclosing a disability. Yet many are reclaiming the word disabled. It allows self-identity and serves to place them into a community that can protect against the stigma (and fear of) by “externalizing rather than internalizing disability prejudices.”Andrews, E. E., Forber-Pratt, A. J., Mona, L. R., Lund, E. M., Pilarski, C. R., & Balter, R. (2019).

In “Disclosing Our Relationships to Disabilities: An Invitation for Disability Studies Scholars”, Joan O’TooleCorbet writes, “…we need to examine our reluctance to support public disclosure, open academic inquiries into public signifiers, encourage public disclosure, and use signifiers of one’s relationship to disability.” I found this a fascinating perspective. She writes about how disclosure is managed in the disability rights community. Corbet goes on to say that in this community, they are “expected to locate themselves about the lived disability experience.” One would say, for example, I am disabled, or, I am the parent of a disabled child, or, I am a non-disabled teacher of disabled adults. The reasoning behind this sort of disclosure is that it explains perspectives based on the nature of the relationship to disability that goes beyond the binary disabled or non-disabled identity. It respects that each relationship to disability has valuable information to be shared. Stating a relationship to disability is not the same as sharing specifics of the nature of one’s disability. That remains a personal decision. The rule of thumb is that you may state your relationship to disability but you must not speak to the experience of another as it presumes that you know the lived experience of another and you cannot. This understanding can be applied nicely in the coaching session.

Another positive here is that “Public disclosure of the relationship to disability increases the number of people discussing and identifying disability oppression.” Disclosing one’s relationship to disability provides community membership, support, and strategies to combat ableism. Ableism is to the disability community what white supremacy is to communities of a minority race. Stating one’s relationship to disability opens a space for productive discussion of disability-related issues and helps combat ableism.

Analysis

In any discussion of oppressed populations, it behooves one to understand the issues at play. I will be focusing the efforts of my transformational coaching practice on serving clients with acquired disabilities. We live in a world demanding political correctness and the cancellation of those who are not. Use of language that, either intentionally or not, communicates negativity towards any group/community and/or culture inhibits trusting relationships and has no place in coaching.

I have chosen to use the word disabled in my marketing/promotional materials. I will use it without the shame and negativity it carries for some. My intent will be clear. I will use it to identify membership within a supportive community. As one with a relatively invisible acquired disability, I know the isolation that comes with not speaking about disability. I want my potential clients to know that they need not feel the isolation that comes with keeping silent and that there is a way to speak of it without the need to disclose one’s diagnosis and specific limitations. That information is disclosed on a need-to-know basis and most simply don’t need to know. I want them to feel welcomed to experience membership in that community, that culture that offers support and advocacy if they so choose.

I will also speak in terms of my relationship to disability because of its ability to communicate differing perspectives on disability. I cannot share my lived experience by sharing a diagnosis. My relationship to disability is relevant to my clients because of its ability to communicate perspectives and open lines of communication on the subject of disability. Since I have identified people with an acquired disability and those with a similar relationship, it also explains my desire to expand services to family, caregivers, friends, and professionals working with my clients of choice.

I will share my relationship to disability as follows. As a child, I attended a summer camp for developmentally disabled children with my siblings (where my mother worked as a camp nurse). I grew up laughing and playing with children who were different but very much the same as me. I was a friend of disabled children. I worked in schools and residential homes for adults with multiple disabilities. I was non-disabled support professional. My father became disabled due to chronic illness. I was the daughter of a disabled man. I was diagnosed with a disabling condition when my children were young. I am a disabled person.

My child has a disabling condition. I am the disabled parent of a disabled adult. I have multiple friends with disabilities. I am a disabled friend of disabled adults. I ended my career as a Disability Claims Specialist at the Social Security Administration (S.S.A.). I conducted in-depth interviews to uncover and document the specific physical, psychological and cognitive phenomenon that results in meeting the legal definition of disability used by S.S.A.This gave me an intimate look into the lived experience of many disabled individuals. I am a disabled individual with intimate knowledge of both my own and the disabling conditions of others.

This communicates so much more than disclosing that I have Multiple Sclerosis. Do you feel the difference? Asking for and providing one’s relationship to disability provides relevant and useable information in discussions of disability. The provision of a diagnosis generally either suppresses conversation due to discomfort with the disclosure or leads to additional (and inappropriate in many situations) questions regarding the personal limitations of the disabled person. I would much rather enable a productive conversation than suppress or encourage inappropriate ones.

Conclusion

I change my thoughts, I change my world. ~ Norman Vincent Peale

We are taught at ICA to, “Be aware of personal strengths and weaknesses when it comes to one’s own Coaching Mindset.” ICF talks of “the criticality of a partnership between coach and client, and the importance of cultural, systemic and contextual awareness.” For these reasons, I undertook this study. My coaching mindset needed nurturing. If I am to be a focused partner with clients, I must feel confident that I have communicated, upfront, what is appropriate for my clients to know; that they can then decide if they want to develop a partnership with me.

Despite my years of work with individuals with disabilities, I needed to look at the bigger picture. My experience was job-related and focused on meeting their needs. More caregiver than a coach. My perspective needed to shift. I needed to understand how to speak of disability in a non-directive way. More importantly, I needed to understand how the language I use communicates my thoughts, values, and beliefs. I needed to understand the mindsets of others who participate in the discussion of disability. I needed to understand disability at a different level; one that addressed the need for cultural, systemic, and contextual awareness.

The journey has been well worth the time and energy. It is no longer my role to meet the physical and emotional needs of those with whom I work. I know in my heart that they are entitled to self-determination, just as I am, and I will support and empower them to pursue their goals no longer as a caregiver but a coach. I have learned much about the language used to speak of disability. I have also come to understand the intent behind my need to do this research. I have never spent much time thinking about nor identifying myself as a person with a disability. I needed to acknowledge myself as a member of the community and find a way to communicate that membership in a way that felt comfortable. In doing so, I have resolved my questions regarding how to communicate my thoughts, values, and beliefs by the language I will use to speak of disability with my clients and promote my business. First impressions matter and the language we use speaks volumes about who we are and what we value.

Sources:

Websites

Critical Disability Theory. Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy. https://stanford.library.sydney.edu.au/archives/win2019/entries/disability-critical/

Disability and Justice. Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy. https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/disability-justice/.

Disclosing Our Relationships to Disabilities: An Invitation for Disability Studies Scholars. Corbett Joan O’Toole 1 (disabled) 2 Independent Researcher. https://dsq-sds.org/article/view/3708/3226.

Disability Studies Quarterly.Siebers, Tobin. Disability Theory. Ann Arbor: University of Michigan Press, 2008. Reviewed by Michael Davidson. https://dsq-sds.org/article/view/160/160.

Medical Model of Disability versus Social Model of Disability. Living with Disability and Chronic Pain. https://canbc.org/blog/medical-model-of-disability-versus-social-model-of-disability/.

Disability Studies Quarterly. Un/covering: Making Disability Identity Legible. Heather Dawn Evans. https://dsq-sds.org/article/view/5556/4550.

Andrews, E. E., Forber-Pratt, A. J., Mona, L. R., Lund, E. M., Pilarski, C. R., & Balter, R. (2019). #SaytheWord: A disability culture commentary on the erasure of “disability”. Rehabilitation Psychology, 64(2), 111–118. https://doi.org/10.1037/rep0000258.

https://docs.google.com.

Original source: https://coachcampus.com/coach-portfolios/research-papers/charlene-moynihan-language-matters/

[sionnables]

So… 

Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist, you guys.  

Let me explain something first: the Broadway musical First Date is my SHOW.  I mean, it’s NOT-- I had no part in the creation or performance of it, obviously.  But it’s “mine” in the way that people tend to take possession of things they like, you know? 

“That’s my song!” 

“That’s my precious fictional baby!”

Or, I guess, like that weird thing sports fans do when they insert themselves into their favorite team, like, “we need to box out the endzone and get some points on the board” or whatever.

First Date is mine not only because I loved it, but because it felt like the creators reached into my heart, plucked out all my experiences and emotions, and put them up on stage.  I mean, it went to TATTOO LEVELS, so you know it’s both serious and a little ridiculous. 

 Six years later, I still fucking love that show. 

(The intensity has gone down a bit, but that’s probably the best for everyone.)

So when I happened to find out that the book writer of First Date was the creator/writer of Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist AND it was a musical, I obviously wanted to check it out.  It was delayed slightly by a deep-dive into a Schitt’s Creek hyper-fixation (David and Patrick can have my entire heart and, like, overall existence), but I finally started watching a few days ago.

And it is delightfully First-Date-y.

It’s also a really good “I can’t handle anything too sad or heavy right now due to reality” option.  There’s some romantic angst and family tragedy thrown in, but it’s not like This Is Us: The Musical or anything (thank christ-- seriously, how does anyone watch that show? It’s Ugly Cry Central over there).

I’m not going to do the plot summary thing because Google exists.  But here’s the thing: yes, there are multiple tropes here that have been done to death (*cough*lovetriangle*cough*), but you know what? The show is cute, the cast is really talented, and the writing’s pretty effing funny. I don’t need groundbreaking television to be entertained. And I’m a sucker for “nice comedy” nowadays, you know? Like, I could never get into Glee because the characters were HORRIBLE to each other. I can’t do a show full of selfish, mean people, it just doesn’t work for me.  Give me a well-written ensemble comedy where everyone messes up but they’re ultimately trying their best and growing, and I’m pretty much in.

That all being said, here’s what I need to discuss (spoilers ahead, obviously):

1) Zoey’s definitely got that whole Zooey-Deschanel-adorkable thing going on, but you have to appreciate a show that is like, “STEM Women FTW!” because we need that.  Also, maybe it’s Fellow Millennial Empathy, but I appreciate that she has no idea what she’s doing and is still trying so hard to be a functioning and successful adult, WHILE dealing with family tragedy, AND sudden musical powers, AND being a woman in charge of a department full of men (girl, been there done that), AND confusing mushy feelings. It helps that Jane Levy is so talented that I was convinced she was British (she is not).

2) Mo. Is. Everything.  More representation of gender-fluidity is wonderful to see, for one thing. But he’s also the smartest character on the show, as well as the most well-balanced and emotionally mature.  And his VOICE, okay? I love that it seems like Mo is going to sort of be Zoey’s guide through all of this, and I’m looking forward to seeing their friendship grow.

3) Simon is a gorgeous, gorgeous man.  If he was at ALL single, I’d be like, “Zoey, hit that IMMEDIATELY”. But I don’t love the direction that their relationship is going (HE IS ENGAGED, FFS) OR the whole Jessica vs. Zoey thing they’re pulling.  I’m willing to give the first part a pass because both of them are grieving and emotional instability can definitely equal bad decisions (we may not like it, but you can’t say it’s unrealistic). But that second part? Simon is way more to blame than Zoey. No more girls hating on girls, okay? Like, I don’t want Jessica and Zoey to necessarily become besties (that whole “it’s always about your dad” comment was way too awful for me to like her THAT much), but you know what I mean. The longer this goes on, the less I like Simon.  And it’s such a BUMMER, because I feel like Zoey and Simon could really use each other, platonically. 

4) Speaking of not liking people, Zoey’s brother is a dick. Not ONLY because of the shit he pulled with going out to bars instead of being with his PREGNANT WIFE/STRUGGLING MOTHER, but that whole thing about him having to “convince” his wife to have kids when she didn’t want them? YUCK. He’s the one character I do not like at ALL and I hope that Emily leaves him and ends up an awesome single mom with a hot boyfriend. I’m glad Zoey told her what was up. GOOD. WHAT A JERK.

5) Zoey’s mom is amazing and deserves the world. That is all.

6) Full disclosure: I am 100% Team Max. But within that 100%, I’m 50% Zoey Is Clearly Not Ready To Date Him Or Even Process Her Feelings About Him Right Now So He Needs To Just Be Her Friend and 50% Zoey Is Clearly Terrified Of Feelings And Max Might Need To Push Her a Little To Get Her To Get Past That.  This is coming from a place of experience, because I was once terrified of feelings and commitment and basically my husband is only my husband because he chose to ignore the many, many times I tried to break up with him and was very persistent with me. Please note that this DOES NOT MEAN that Max needs to be all pissy about “friendzoning” and/or pushing TOO hard, TOO quickly. Which he’s sort of toe-ing the line with, at the moment.  I don’t think that Zoey ever really gave him the impression that she was interested in him romantically before the whole “flash mob” debacle (I cringed when Mo said that touching his shoulder and having him come over to watch a movie was leading him on, because please don’t do that, writers, Mo is too smart and progressive for that BS), and the flash mob itself was a really weird, out-of-character move (at least thus far) for him.  Look, I get the whole “omg, Max can hear her/no wait, there’s real singing” thing was an unexpected twist, but I’m not a fan of twists over characterization. Max knows Zoey, and I think he’d know that declaring feelings in public while making her the center of attention would not be her thing (but I find public proposals super cringe-y, so maybe that’s just me).  I’m sort of not happy with that. What I DO think is appropriate is him asking for some time/space after she asks to just be his friend-- I count that as being respectful of her decision and needing some breathing room to disconnect his romantic feelings towards her. I also don’t blame him for being upset that she knew his feelings way beforehand and didn’t say anything, or for being upset after seeing her sing to Simon. The singing thing is not Zoey’s fault at ALL, but that is some serious emotional whiplash! Nevertheless, I hope these two are endgame and don’t hurt each other too much in the process. That boy will do ANYTHING for her, and I kind of love him for it. Please don’t turn him into a “Nice Guy”! Also, can we all agree that he outsang EVERY SINGLE ONE of the Jonas Brothers with “Sucker”? Goddamn!

7) Tobin is so stupid, but WOW is that character a brilliant representation of every single, straight, young, insecure, emotion-denying, Reddit-using, product of toxic masculinity gamer boy that you’ve ever met in your life. Holy SHIT. They’re nailing it with him. He is 100% the guy that yells a “make me a sandwich” joke in front of his friends and then goes home and cries about not having a girlfriend. I have met 10,000 versions of Tobin in my life and he CRACKS ME UP. Bless him.

8) Leif is Draco Malfoy and I hope that Joan is using him for sex and then ditches him in a humiliating fashion. IF THEY MAKE HER FALL FOR HIM I SWEAR TO GOD. She’s too smart for that. I want Joan and Mo to take over the world together.

9) I don’t want to talk about Zoey’s dad. HE’S FINE. EVERYTHING’S FINE. HE’S TOTALLY GOING TO GET BETTER. THIS IS A HAPPY SHOW. 

Okay, I think I got all of my thoughts and feelings out. Until next week, at least.

[antiadvil]

We’re Getting Married!

PG13, 2.8k

video title: We’re Getting Married! uploaded: December 8, 2019 by AmazingPhil Description: We talk about our relationship with each other, our audience, and appropriate creator/audience boundaries. Sorry we couldn’t find a wedding venue that would fit three million people!

read more or read on ao3

A/N: *** indicates a jump cut. this is filmed in Phil’s bedroom bc in an imagined universe with joint content I can fulfill all my nostalgic fantasies oh also warning for discussion of the vday video if you're not into that

“Hey guys! Today I’m here with a very special surprise guest-”

Dan’s voice interrupted Phil from off camera. "Are you not going to put me in the thumbnail?"

Phil laughed. "I mean, probably."

"So I'm not much of a surprise."

"I guess not. Anyway, we have a special announcement-"

"Phil. They read the title. Why do your video intros always assume no one reads your titles?"

"Hey! I haven't decided what I’m going to title it yet."

Dan came into frame and flopped onto the bed with him. "Sure you haven't. You know exactly what will get this video the maximum number of clicks, you goddamn-"

Phil threw his hand over Dan’s mouth. “Stop.”

He yanked it back almost immediately. “Did you just lick me?”

Dan smiled. “Maybe.”

“You’re disgusting. I’m going to go wash my hands with bleach,” Phil said, climbing off of his bed.

“Can you bring me a glass of water?” Dan called after him. “I’m thirsty.”

Phil called something back. It was entirely bleeped out.

***

“Count of three,” Phil said. “One, two, three-”

“We’re getting married!” Dan’s normally large hand gestures were carefully constrained by the glass of water in his right hand.

“Some of you are probably confused-” Phil said.

“Some of you are probably hyperventilating,” Dan interrupted, “And I’d like to say that while you’re valid, get a life that is not vicariously lived through our relationship. Please.”

“So let’s do a bit of background first,” Phil finished. “So I think most of you who follow us know that Dan and I met on the internet in 2009 and then we met up later the same year, which is when we filmed the first Phil is not on fire.”

“What you probably know if you watched my coming out video is that the whole time, we were super gay for each other,” Dan added. “What I didn’t really get into is that we’re still super gay for each other.”

“Wait, we are?”

Dan shrugged, setting his water on Phil’s nightstand. “I mean, I’m still super gay for you.”

Phil frowned. “I don’t know if I’d describe it that way.”

“Well, this is awkward,” Dan muttered.

“Anyway, we’ve been dating ever since then, and we thought we’d give a quick little recap of our relationship for those of you who just got here. So, I already mentioned that we met in 2009-”

“Obligatory disclaimer, we don’t endorse travelling a hundred and fifty miles to meet a guy who’s four years older than you that you met on the internet, even if you were the one who stalked him first.”

“Hey!” Phil laughed.

“But anyway,” Dan continued, “Phil and I met in a public place before going to his house and it turned out he wasn’t an axe murderer, so everything was fine.”

“What would you have done if I was?” Phil asked.

“You know, that’s a really great question. I maybe should have thought a little bit more about that.”

“So, we’re not even five minutes into the video and the biggest takeaway is that you should never have come to meet me?”

Dan nodded. “Our entire relationship was a mistake. I’m sorry, everyone, time to go home.”

“So poor life choices aside, we met in 2009, filmed Phil is not on fire, and just generally hung out a lot.”

“Hung out is one word for what we spent most of our time doing, but since this is Phil’s channel, let’s leave it at that.” Dan winked.

“Hey!”

Dan rolled his eyes. “Look me in the eye and tell me that is not what we spent most of our time together doing.”

“That is not what we spent most of our time doing.”

“Okay then, if you say so-”

“I do-” Phil insisted.

“Then we’ll leave it at that. We visited a lot, but, full disclosure, long distance sucks, which was a big factor in my decision to attend uni in Manchester. You probably already know how that went down.” Dan rolled his eyes.

“Apart from the uni part, though, it was really nice being so close by, so we moved in together in 2011.”

“And then there was what you will probably know as the Valentine’s day video,” Dan said with a grimace.

“Dan and I don’t really feel comfortable discussing the details of that whole thing because that video was very personal to us.”

Dan smiled in Phil’s direction. “I still have a copy.”

“But seriously, if you’re not me or Dan, I’d really appreciate it if you’d remove any copies you’ve posted on the internet and delete any copies you may have saved, out of respect for our privacy.”

“Believe me, I know nothing I can say will make that video disappear. My entire life is just proof that anything you put on the internet is permanent. And there’s nothing anyone can do about it now, but I want people to understand that all the speculation about my sexuality that came up when that video resurfaced really hurt me. Don’t do that. Seriously. If you think a celebrity or a YouTuber or whoever is hiding their sexuality, just let them. You don’t know what’s happening in their lives, and honestly, you’re not entitled to, either.”

Phil nodded. “Also, that was a really hard time for us as a couple as well as personally. I don’t think a lot of people realize the pressure being constantly under a microscope has on a relationship, which is one of the reasons we chose not to share our relationship and why we still don’t feel comfortable sharing everything about it.”

“Which is fine! Neither of us are ashamed of our relationship. We’re not hiding anything. We just aren’t really looking forward to reading newspaper headlines about our relationship, which really doesn’t seem like it should be news. Like, it’s our relationship, not the entire world’s relationship,” Dan explained.

“Really, it seems so weird to us that people even care about it. Like, it’s flattering and all, don’t get me wrong, but it was also a bit scary at first when we weren’t out.”

“It’s like, remember in my coming out video how I mentioned that when that guy said I gave off a bi vibe it really scared me? Having strangers on the internet tell me that my relationship with Phil was obvious was scary when even my parents didn’t know. The shipping was fine. It was mostly the speculation that was scary.”

“But we made it.” Phil put his hand on Dan’s leg and smiled.

Dan smiled back, almost forgetting the camera in the room. “God, there were some days I thought we wouldn’t. But we did. And I love you.”

Phil smiled even wider and swiped at his eyes.

Dan’s smile grew to a smirk. “Are you crying? Oh my god, you are such a dork.”

“Your mum’s a dork,” Phil muttered.

Dan reached for his phone. “I’m telling her you said that.”

“No!” Phil threw his shoulder into Dan’s chest, sending him sprawling against Phil’s bed.

Dan laughed. “Ow. Hey, Siri, call Mu-”

Phil put his hand over Dan’s mouth. “Stop.”

Dan’s phone chirped from the other side of the bed. “Okay. Calling Mum.”

Dan scrambled to reach it. “Oh shit, oh fuck, should I hang up?”

“Dan! You can’t call your mum and then hang up on her.”

“Shut up, rat, this is your fau- Oh, hey, Mum!”

“Hi!” Phil said.

“Oh, hello, Dan! And Phil. Is everything alright?”

“You need to call your mum more often, Dan, if every time she picks up she asks if something’s wrong,” Phil said.

Dan’s mum laughed. 

“Shut up, Phil. No, Mum, nothing’s wrong, just wanted to catch up.”

***

“So, I’m never jokingly asking Siri to call anyone ever again,” Dan said.

“Why? Was calling your mum that horrible?” Phil laughed.

“Shut up, Phil. That was your fault.” 

“Does your mum watch your videos?” Phil asked.

“Not really.”

“I’m sending her a link to this one.”

“I hate you,” Dan said quietly.

“You too.”

***

"Now, Phil, we've been dating for a pretty long time." 

Phil shrugged. "Only like ten years.”

"So, Phil, why did we wait so long for this?"

Phil nodded. "Well, first of all, it wasn't legal for a pretty long time."

"Right. Civil partnerships were a thing in 2004, but I'm lame and traditional, and same sex marriage was only legalized in 2014. That's half of our relationship, for some perspective."

"And, fun fact," Phil added, "Same sex marriage is still illegal in Northern Ireland."

Dan frowned. "That was not a fun fact. That was a very sad fact."

"But it's a true fact," Phil protested.

"Moving on, again!" Dan said. "I also wanted my family to be there, and, well, I'm a mess who didn't even come out to them until like six months ago."

Phil patted Dan's shoulder comfortingly. "You're not a mess."

Dan stared at the camera. "I'm a mess."

"Okay, fine. You're a little bit of a mess."

Dan turned to Phil in mock outrage. “You think I’m a mess?”

“No! I-”

Dan turned back to the camera. “You heard it here, folks. Phil is judging me because I took my time coming out. Phil hates closeted people.”

Phil glared at him. “I’m never agreeing with you ever again.”

“This relationship is off to a great start!”

***

“So back to the original question! Why now, Dan?”

“Well, Phil, now that I’m out to my family we can have a proper wedding, and now that we’re out to our viewers we don’t have to worry about one of our own personal stalkers finding our marriage records.” 

“Also, marriage does come with a lot of cool perks,” Phil added.

“Gotta get those sweet, sweet tax benefits.”

“And that sweet, sweet, societal recognition of our relationship.”

“Also, it makes buying a house and general joint property ownership way simpler, which will make it a lot easier to take all of Phil’s subscribers in the inevitable divorce.”

Phil laughed. “What?”

Dan blinked. “Sorry, I didn’t say anything. Did you hear something?”

“Well, I thought I heard you say you were going to divorce me and take my subscribers.”

Dan shook his head, his expression deeply offended. “Why would I say that? Who would do such a thing?”

Phil stared solemnly at the camera. “Gaslighting is a form of abuse.”

“Thank you for the PSA, Phil.”

“Just documenting the abuse I’m currently suffering under so that I can take all your subscribers in the divorce,” Phil said.

Dan frowned. “Okay, I wasn’t going to say anything, but you sounded really serious just then so I now feel the need to clarify that I am not abusing Phil and also, domestic violence is not funny.”

Phil laughed. “No actual abuse.”

Dan sighed. “We’re terrible people, aren’t we?”

“I mean, we’re not terrible people.”

Dan laughed. “We’re just bad people, with terrible senses of humor. That’s so much better.”

“We can edit it out if-” Phil started.

“I mean, it’s your channel-” Dan said.

They stared at each other for a moment before shrugging in unison. “Whatever,” they said, still in unison.

***

“So, Phil, what’s changing for our viewers?” Dan asked.

“Literally nothing. We’ll be taking a short break from uploading-”

“Which I do all the time! So I doubt you’ll even notice.”

“But we’re not going to change the types of videos we upload. This isn’t a relationship channel.”

Dan winked. “As much as you might want it to be.” 

“Seriously, though. We’re not even changing our names. Nothing’s changing,” Phil assured the camera.

“But in case it wasn’t clear, here are some FAQs.”

Phil pulled out a stack of notecards and put on his best announcer voice. “Are we invited?”

Dan smiled. “No.”

Phil flipped to the next card. “Kiss!”

“That’s not a question, but somehow, the answer is still no.”

Phil laughed. “I think a photo of us kissing would actually break the internet.”

Dan shrugged. “Really, we’re just being kind to your internet providers.”

“Lester-Howell or Howell-Lester?”

“We already answered that, Phil. You really need to screen these questions better, especially since you wrote them.”

“Answer it anyway,” Phil pleaded.

Dan sighed heavily. “Neither. I would never saddle my child with two last names.”

“Child?” Phil turned to the camera with an exaggerated gasp.

Dan smiled. “That’s all you’re getting. Let the fanfiction writing begin.”

Phil paused. “Wait, so whose last name-”

“Honestly, I was just joking because neither of us are changing our names, but if you want to have a Dan versus Phil to see who gets to name our child-”

“I’m good.”

“That’s what I thought.”

Phil turned to the next card. “Wedding photos?”

“Is that a question or a demand? Please don’t hack my hard drive.”

“Top or bottom?”

“There is no way anyone actually thinks we’ll answer that.”

“Probably not.” Phil flipped again. “And last, but definitely not least, why are we telling our viewers?”

“Well, I think it’s safe to say that we’re telling a lot more people than our viewers. But I never had any healthy models for queer relationships when I was a kid, and if I can provide that, I don’t see why not.” Dan’s voice was surprisingly serious.

“Think of us like your parents,” Phil added. “We’re here to show you how healthy relationships work, but we’re not here to show you everything. Partly because we need some privacy and partly because that would be gross.”

Dan was wincing as soon as he heard the word “parents.” “Phil, Phil, please stop. Do not encourage our audience to think of us as their parents. Did you learn nothing from our tumblr tag? Please never say those words again.”

“Fine, I’ll edit them out.”

Dan shook his head. “You said it, Phil. You can’t escape it.”

“Okay, well, at least give another response so I can decide if I want to keep it in,” Phil persuaded, in the soft, natural, voice he normally saved for off camera.

Dan gave an exaggerated sigh. “Honestly, hiding a relationship is just so much work. Especially a marriage. And you guys are total stalkers. Like seriously. Get a life. Please.”

“That’s better! And much more fitting with who our audience is.”

“Phil, I’m the one who gets to insult our fans. You’re the one who says we love them and appreciate them.”

“We do!” Phil insisted.

“Do we?” Dan asked skeptically.

“Yes.” Phil laughed, staring at Dan in disbelief.

“Kidding,” Dan muttered, flashing a smile at the camera. “Please buy my merch.”

Phil sighed. “Danielhowellshop.com?”

Dan smiled. “Also, while you’re at it, check out my good friend Phil’s merch at amazingphilshop.com!”

Phil stared straight at the camera. “I don’t even know where to begin.”

“You know what, we’re such close friends that we also have a joint merch shop, danandphilshop.com. You could begin there, Phil.”

“Is it too early for a divorce?” Phil asked.

“Yes. You’re stuck with me.”

“Am I really?”

“Just think about the tax benefits. Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and remember how much money you’re going to save by marrying me.”

Phil shook his head. “It’s not worth it.”

Dan pouted.

***

“For more videos like this-”

“Phil. We’re never making another video like this again.”

“For more videos not like this, click on my face to subscribe to my channel, click on Dan’s face to subscribe to his channel-”

“I have plans to actually upload a video this year-”

“And for our joint channel, click here.” Phil raised their joined hands.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to edit this video, upload it, and disconnect my internet for at least a month.”

Dan turned to Phil. “That’s not a bad idea, actually. I’m not sure I want to open tumblr for the next six years.”

Phil cringed. “Me neither. Guys, please try not to go too crazy. I lost friends over the protip incident of 2016.”

Dan shuddered. “So many people refuse to talk to us now. I’m not even joking.”

“We appreciate the support!” Phil insisted.

“Just like, maybe on our videos instead of completely random ones,” Dan suggested.

Phil nodded. “Anyway, if you liked this video, please give it a thumbs up, or leave a comment. Like I said, Dan and I will be taking a short break from YouTube and social media for the wedding and honeymoon, but we’ll be back soon with plenty of content.”

“I don’t want to see any of your conspiracy theories about how we’re leaving YouTube out there, I promise it’ll only be like a month.”

“And that’s the normal amount of time between two Dan videos,” Phil interjected, “So-”

“Hey! I said I would upload this year.”

Phil smiled. “Never said you wouldn’t.”

***

“Count of three again?” Dan asked.

Phil nodded. “Three, two, one-”

“Goodbye!”

[iluxia]

This mug is trending in my hospital right now. Legit it's more popular than me. I am sharing it this morning, post-shift and full of matcha latte, as a part of my effort in fulfilling my civic & professional duty of getting you all to just

                              GET THE DAMN FLU SHOT!!!

If you have insurance, it will be free somewhere (CVS, Walgreens, the grocery store, or your doctor’s office if you haven’t done anything that prevents you from showing your face there). If you don't have insurance, vaccinefinder.org can get you to somewhere that won't cost you an arm and a leg. Alternatively, here is a table of how much it'll cost you at the usual places in the US for the quadrivalent formulation as an uninsured consumer.

As for my vaccine spiel: I’m sure you’ve read all the articles swimming around in media about this, so I won’t go into the usual why’s. (Yes, for those outside of the USA, here people debate about something as elementary as why should we vaccinate.) I will, however, pull apart a few excuses anti-vaxxers use as shields, excuses I have personally heard before. (Full disclosure, I am a physician.)

"The flu shot makes people sick immediately after vaccination because the vaccine introduces the flu virus into the body, so it actually impedes the immune system from working properly! It doesn’t work!”

This shows very poor to non-existent understanding of how vaccination & the immune system works. The flu vaccine contains inactive, dead virus parts. It introduces your immune system to what the virus looks like; remember the third Harry Potter movie, where they posted pictures of Sirius Black the Death Eater Fugitive on pamphlets to warn the wizarding world about him so they know what he looks like? It’s exactly that. The faster the immune system can recognize an intruder, the faster it can kill it.

“The flu shot has other ingredients in it (like mercury) that cause various side effects from depression and memory loss to cardiovascular disease, ADHD, and autism.”

The flu vaccine used to contain a preservative called thimerosal (ethyl mercury), which is NOT the same as methyl mercury (the toxic kind). Let’s review a little chem here, as painful as those long-buried memories are. Thimerosal is a stable preservative that has been in use in tons of things since the 1920s. There is more mercury in breastmilk than there is in a single flu shot, guys.

A dude named Andrew Wakefield and a few of his buddies published a whack case series in the Lancet in 1998 suggesting that the MMR (measles, mumps, rubella) vaccine, preserved using thimerosal, predisposed behavioral regression & developmental disorders in children. But the sample size was 12 patients. Twelve. That is negligibly tiny. Obviously they didn’t do their power calcs. And it was a case series - the least reliable type of research you can publish because a case series is anecdotal. Their “data” did not show strong correlation between the MMR vaccine and autism; indeed, their analytical model wasn’t even constructed to examine that hypothesis. Multiple epidemiological studies followed hot on the heels of this paper, refuting its wild claims, but the damage was done & the publicity was already on fire. It sparked a huge anti-vaxxer movement that is responsible, frankly speaking, for the recurrence of eradicated diseases such as measles, which is deadly to little children. [ You can read more about this whole debacle here. ] It was all about the MMR vaccine at first, but “MMR” disappeared and eventually it became “all vaccines cause autism.” This is what happens when you combine poor health education, an irresponsible publishing journal, and an immoral media. The Lancet only formally withdrew this paper from publication in Feb 2010. To this day, I find it difficult to trust the Lancet.

The studies that came after Wakefield’s stupid one all refuted Wakefield’s claims with stronger data, proper analyses, systematic reviews, and actual fucking power calcs, like actual fucking researchers.

Finally, we don’t even fully understand autism. How can you definitely claim that one specific thing can cause it? Remember: correlation =/= causation.

“The CDC promotes flu vaccines because they have financial ties & get kickbacks from Big Pharma. It’s all big business. The flu vaccine doesn’t work.”

Bars and clubs will promote alcohol to you because they get kickbacks from the breweries. It’s all big business. Does that mean that the alcohol doesn’t work?

Why are you okay giving Big Pharma your money for vitamins you don’t really need (most people don’t really need multivitamins, it just makes your pee expensive) but you can’t give them money for life-saving, pandemic-fighting vaccines that COST LESS?

And since we’re talking about business, you should know that vaccines are actually not profitable for pharmaceutical companies, because they have to make entirely new batches EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR. The overheads on that must cost $$$$, I mean, they have to pay the researchers a living wage, and it takes months to make the vaccines. Come on, we all know the real money is made with ridiculously expensive life-saving medications such as insulin and the EpiPen. Duh.

Health is worth more than money, honey. Spend a day in a hospital hooked up to a ventilator with tubes coming out of every orifice and you will never deny this.

“I still get sick after the flu shot. It doesn’t work for me.”

The flu has various strains every year, and the vaccine is only made with the strains they (the researchers) predict will be the most widely distributed across a certain population. It involves a lot of statistics. Does this mean that you should skip the shot? No. Statistically, your chances of getting the most virulent, widely distributed strain is HIGHER than your chances of getting a different strain the vaccine isn’t made with. That statistics course really matters, you know.

Yes, you get a different type of flu vaccine depending on where you are in the world. The northern & southern hemispheres get different vaccine formulations because they typically get different strains. This is also why a flu strain from, say, southern China or India is fucking TERRIFYING for Europe or the US, because we likely will not have any immunity to that shit. (And vice versa.)

The flu virii evolve every year. They get more virulent, more adaptable, and more insidious every time. And do you know how they evolve? Because some asshole somewhere had partial/augmented immunity and the virus evolves under these conditions. This asshole was sick with a different strain of the flu before, but doesn’t believe in the flu shot, so he doesn’t get the one issued this year. He then gets maybe mildly sick with the new flu strain, while his wife is still sick with the previous flu strain he carried. The two strains are exposed to each other and under these conditions, the virus can evolve by mutation or genetic reassortment. Cross-exposure to other viral strains (antigenic drift) is a mechanism for viral variation & results in newer, deadlier strains that both partially immune people (infected before with other strains) AND vaccinated people cannot fight off. Then it spreads to their kid, who spreads it at the daycare, and those kids give it to their parents, who spread it at work... this, folks, is how you get an epidemic.

Vaccination really only works to eliminate a disease when you unilaterally vaccinate the entire population across the board. (As best as you can, anyway.) The vaccine will never work 100% - there is always a margin of error - but if you cover the entire population, your margin becomes more acceptable. Whereas if only some people get vaccinated, then you open up chances for viral mutation.

By the way, you might FEEL sick immediately after the flu shot, but you aren’t sick. That’s your immune system sucking your entire body dry of resources, making your muscles ache & giving you fatigue as it revs up & prepares brand new antibodies for this new virus. This takes a toll on your body, but you can combat the “sick” feeling by exercising lightly, hydrating very well, eating clean, and getting some sleep. 

“My child already has a disease that lowers their immune system. If I give them the shot, that’ll completely deplete their remaining reserve. They might get a different infection and die!”

Again, a poor understanding of immune biology. 100% wrong. I give flu vaccines to immunodeficient patients with HIV, transplant patients who are taking immunosuppressants, and patients who are taking meds like Humira (immunosuppressing side effect). In fact, I prioritize the vaccine for them. They, above everyone else, need to be prepared for the coming strains of flu. I am giving their immune system time to prepare. - Of course I will monitor them closely & take appropriate precautions to prevent them from contracting other infections. I’ll support their physiological needs while they convalesce. But immunosuppression is no excuse. (That being said, have a conversation with your physician. Dosing, type, and timing of the vaccine can vary depending on your individual situation & condition.)

“Evidence now suggests that ingredients in flu shots can actually cause serious neurological disorders, like Guillain-Barre syndrome or similar neuromuscular diseases thought to be of autoimmune origin.”

In 1976, the CDC published that there was a risk of Guillain-Barre syndrome happening after a patient got a flu vaccine IF they have had the swine flu vaccine before. The risk was calculated to be 1 in 100,000 people who got the swine flu vaccine. The Institute of Medicine (IOM) did a scientific review on this issue in 2003 and concluded that the people who got the swine flu vaccine in 1976 were at increased risk, but otherwise, there has been no significant change or increase since then. Did you get the swine flu vaccine in 1976? No? Okay, go get the flu shot.

It is true that there have been observed cases where neuromuscular disorders like Guillain-Barre or chronic inflammatory demyelinating polyneuropathy (CIDP) seems to be triggered, or occur after the patient gets the vaccine. We don’t fully understand how or why. I have treated these patients (they are relatively rare, I see maybe 1-2 every year) and they recover well provided competent care at a good hospital. Look out for research on this, but until we definitively know a causative link, it’s foolish to skip a perfectly safe, proven, and highly recommended vaccine to avoid a very narrow “maybe.”

If you have questions, guys, I will answer. Drop me an ask or PM me. But please, please spread the word and get vaccinated. 

If you get scared or doubt your decision to get the shot, remember that the only reason we are not all dead from smallpox (it was an epidemic) and cholera (a pandemic) and rabies (from all your pets) and typhoid (also a pandemic) and the fucking black plague is because of that 5ml of liquid in that tiny little syringe.

Vaccines do not cause autism. Vaccines cause adults.

GET. THE. SHOT.

[irrepressible-domovoy]

Full-disclosure before I start: I really have no evidence for any of this, just a hunch, but I want to see everyone else’s opinions on this. (My Odin’s A+ Parenting Headcanon was way more detailed, but this works too. Now why are all of my headcanons super angsty and the majority of them involving parents???)

So Howard Stark.

We all know and hate this man for different reasons, mostly because he was a horribly abusive father but there are plenty of reasons to pick from.

I have a theory that I think would hold up quite well that he at least knew about the whole Winter Soldier project.

Hear me out. Look at his death scene.

Howard’s face when he sees “Sergeant Barnes” (because, let’s be real, he would still call him that even after everything) isn’t that of someone who’s seeing the ghost of a long-dead friend: it’s resignation; it’s “Oh, you’re finally going to pay me back for all that I’ve done.”

To really pin this theory down, we have to go back to the 50’s when SHIELD was being founded.

We know Hydra had to infect it from the beginning, but with how (appropriately) paranoid Peggy Carter was they wouldn’t have been able to get even one of their guys in without help from an inside man; someone that Peggy Carter herself trusted and had fought beside.

So they went to the one loose cannon they could find, who just so happened to be the guy who had worked closely with Doctor Erskine on the Super Soldier Serum. (I’ll get more into that later)

Hydra finds a morally-bankrupt scientist working with what has the potential to be the most powerful intelligence agency that has ever or will ever exist and they offer him a deal he can’t refuse: his pride and joy, his golden egg, back. If they ever find his Star-Spangled Pin-Up Boy, he can keep him, but Howard has to help Hydra. It’s a win-win on both sides.

Side Note: @ragingstillness already brought up how they thought that, in the end of Season 1 of Agent Carter, Howard had gotten over his obsession with Steve, but I’ve grown up with addicts and the like and can tell you that people will tell you anything you want to hear to get you out of their way. Plus, we know that he never gave up on looking. Some evidence even suggests that after he died when Tony was in charge, his searches were still ongoing and his son just never canceled them.

Back to Hydra/Howard. (And isn’t that a ship name that I never wanted to see?)

It has been referenced to the point that people seeing the movie once may have noticed that Howard’s involvement with the Winter Soldier Project was more than it seemed.

I theorize that he knew all about it, might even have helped create the arm, and got updates over the years. I mean, he was a known quantity in SHIELD, had public relations events in an extremely public business, and never had any successful assassination attempts until 1991? Puh-lease.

But why would they kill him? Their foot in the door, the old man who probably wasn't going to last that much longer anyways? Why would they kill him? What good would it do? What purpose? What could they be keeping him from completing?

Or destroying?

His side project at home.

Note: This is where it gets dark. Please do not read if you have issues with child endangerment of any kind.

So. Years go by. Howard gets married and has a kid.

He is not a loving man and his years at Hydra have made that fact worse. (SHIELD hasn’t helped much, either)

He is also an obsessive man (as shown in literally everything he has ever appeared in) so when he comes up with the idea to try and recreate/finish the Super Soldier Serum, he decides that he’s going to try it on something a little more… malleable.

Tony is a cute kid. Of course he is, why wouldn’t he be? A little rambunctious, maybe, but all toddlers are.

Howard figures that a) kids that age are still pretty much forming everything (half-true and half horse radish, jsyk) and b) if he dies, it’ll just be blamed on some little kid disease. Kids die all the time from stuff like that and he and Maria can just make another one.

(Oh my goodness, I am getting dark here. I am so very sorry)

But it works. He might not realize it at first, but Tony doesn’t hardly get sick.

And when he’s older, his liver stands up to everything and his hedonism doesn’t kill him when half that would be the death of 12 grown men. (Most of the hedonism stems from PTSD from Howard’s A+ parenting, not to mention the medical torture, but hey, Howard was just being a good dad and giving his kid a leg-up in the world, right?)

Stark, Sr. leaves a video telling Tony that he’s his “greatest creation” and Tony isn’t stupid; he knows what that means. He’s always known.

A couple years later, Tony’s fighting Bucky Barnes aka the Winter Soldier and gets punched in the stomach. It’s not with the metal arm, but the man is biologically enhanced to the point that he has superstrength, and yet…

He’s fine. His innards are all in their places and, maybe there’s bruising, but nothing exploded and there’s no real internal bleeding.

A normal human being would be dead.

But Tony isn’t.

And later, he has a moon thrown at him and still stands.

And is able to stand there, his suit in tatters, and hold back a monster that had laid Captain America prone within two seconds.

In conclusion: Whether or not Howard Stark worked with Hydra or (knowingly or unknowingly) had something to do with the Winter Soldier Project, he experimented on his own son.

Yes, he made him stronger than Captain America and more durable than the Winter Soldier, but how much can one man take?

(I know I went off topic here, but holy crap, this went dark and I couldn’t stop it and I felt like Tony stans deserved a little validation.

Disclaimer: Bucky stans, I am with you. I am also with the Tony stans. Some of us are on both sides for good reasons. Don’t think we have to be antis and stans at the same time)

[shireness-says]

Playing the Part Epilogue: Superboy and the Invisible Girl (Reprise)

Summary: As a stage manager who’s clawed her way up from the bottom, Emma Swan can handle just about anything thrown her way. But does that include handsome lead actor Killian Jones? A CS Broadway AU.  Rated T. Also on AO3.  Prologue  Ch. 1  Ch. 2  Ch. 3Ch. 4  Ch. 5  Ch. 6  Ch. 7  Ch. 8  Ch. 9  Ch. 10  Ch. 11  Ch. 12 Ch. 13  Ch. 14  Ch. 15  Ch. 16  Ch. 17  Ch. 18

A/N: We made it, guys! Thanks for sticking with me through the slowest slow burn ever. I like to think it paid off.

Title taken from “Next to Normal”. Full disclosure, there is not a reprise of “Superboy and the Invisible Girl” in the musical. However, a reprise oftentimes takes the original song and builds upon it, adding extra verses to show development in plot. It seemed appropriate for this chapter, which has echoes of Chapter 13 (Also called Superboy and the Invisible Girl).

One last round of thanks to @snidgetsafan for her beta services, and an extra thank you to everyone who’s reblogged, liked, commented, or messaged me about this!

Tags: @kmomof4, @winterbaby89, @thejollyroger-writer, @mythologicalmango, @onceuponaprincessworld, @idristardis, @teamhook, @courtorderedcake, @aerica13, @revanmeetra87, @snowbellewells, @searchingwardrobes, @mystrangedarkson

Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy this sappy conclusion!

Four years later

“Welcome back to Sign Off, everybody!”

Emma knows that Killian will do his ear scratch when he finds her watching his segment, but she wouldn’t miss this for the world. It’s like reliving a little bit of their history. Plus, it’s not every day that your spouse is on national television; skipping this would earn her “Bad Wife” points, or something.

He’s still bashful as he walks out, still kind of ducks his head when he waves and acts like he’s embarrassed to be there. You’d think after several years of magazine interviews and newspaper profiles and talk show appearances he’d lose some of that shyness and uncertainty, or at least get used to it, but some things never change. It’s a damn good thing she finds it cute.

Archie is as charming as ever, shaking Killian’s hand with an enthusiasm usually reserved for inside jokes. That’s just who the host is, though. “So, it’s been a while since we saw you last. I hear a few things have happened.”

“Oh, just a few.”

Hopper starts pulling out photos. “Pride and Prejudice was a hit.”

“Yes, a great group effort. They just closed a few months ago, congrats to everyone involved.”

The host shows a picture from his Tony speech. “You won a Tony for playing Mr. Darcy.”

“So they tell me. My brother kidnapped the statue.”

(That’s only halfway true. Yes, Liam had taken the statue for a while, setting up a popular Instagram account to display all the places he took the golden figure. One of those places had been Henry’s 6th grade English class, turning her son into a middle school celebrity for a couple of months. Though bringing Liam and Killian along with the award probably had something to do with that, too.)

Emma can just spot the Tony now from where she sits, bookending a cluster of novels on the top shelf of the bookshelf in her and Killian’s apartment. It had been a little bittersweet, leaving her old apartment where she and Henry had both grown and flourished, but she and Killian had both agreed that they would need more space. It’s worth it, anyways, to wake up next to Killian every day in a place that’s theirs. Emma misses living next door to Elsa some days, but now that Henry’s fifteen her supervision isn’t quite so needed anymore anyways. It would have come to an end regardless when Elsa had moved in with Liam in his fancy apartment. Emma instead contents herself with the knowledge that Elsa’s job at the Met - her dream job, really - means she and Liam will be based in New York for the foreseeable future, even if the latter occasionally does have to leave for filming in other locations. Killian likes to joke about his brother and Elsa “living in sin”, like they hadn’t done the same thing, but it does mean they still get to see Liam and Elsa fairly often.

Her real Killian walks back into the living room at that point. “Oh Christ, not this drivel. Emma, I’m embarrassed enough as it is, let’s find something else to watch.” He may gripe and groan, but he still collapses onto the couch beside her, letting out an appreciative and exhausted sigh.

“Oh, I’m watching this, babe,” she replies, smiling over at Killian before burrowing her head into his side. She knows by this point that he’s all bark; he’s a pushover, really, especially where his family is concerned.

She must have missed the introduction of his latest movie project – an interesting project portraying Pan as the villain of Neverland with Killian playing Captain Hook as a misunderstood rogue – because there’s publicity stills up on the screen when she redirects her attention back that way.

“My stepson’s a little upset, really, because he had the idea first,” the Killian on the screen explains. “Which, trust me, was not the reaction I was hoping for.”

“Hey, that was almost funny,” Emma comments, nudging him in the side as the audience laughs.

“It’s embarrassing, is what it is,” Killian grouses. It must be that thing where actors don’t like seeing their own work - Emma’s read about that before. It’s not going to stop her from affectionately picking at him, though, and it’s not going to keep her from watching the whole thing.

“And on a personal note, does everyone remember this moment from last time?” Archie asks, cutting to the clip of Killian talking about a certain prickly and dedicated stage manager. When the camera cuts back, she knows what’s coming, and smiles when she feels Killian press a kiss to her head as the host pulls out a copy of their wedding photo. “Well good news to all those shipping that on the internet, because you two tied the knot!” The audience cheers, and as Emma watches televised Killian grin widely, she thinks that’s the most comfortable she’s ever seen him in an interview. “Now, how long have you two been married now?”

“Coming up on two years, three months from now.”

He’d proposed one evening when Emma had least expected it. They’d talked about marriage before - considering that they were living together and in a committed relationship, having that conversation seemed like the responsible thing to do - but it had been a lovely surprise all the same. Killian had been waiting with the ring when she got home from work on a Wednesday, on bended knee and everything in their little foyer with Henry filming just around the corner. Killian had explained later, after the yes and the ring and an awful lot of kissing, that it had seemed important to make his proposal a family affair and include Henry. He loves her son, just as much as he loves her (albeit in a different way); Emma knows that, but it still means a lot that he’d included her son in their major life moment in that way. Henry had been a part of their love story, after all.

(Emma suspects that there may have been a conversation between Killian and Henry before the proposal as well where Killian had asked her son for her hand, but neither of them has ever fessed up to it, and she’s okay with leaving that as a man-to-man moment if they prefer it.)

The wedding had been a low-key affair, much to Mary Margaret’s dismay - just a little courthouse ceremony. Emma had never been the big white wedding type, though, had never had those dreams as a child. Now that she’s faced with the opportunity for all that, she finds that she doesn’t really want or need it. At the end of the day, they just want to be married; they love each other, almost to distraction, and waiting any longer than absolutely necessary feels like too great a burden.

Still, they’d done it up as much as the quick circumstances allowed. Emma had bought a clearance wedding dress that swished around her calves, and Killian had taken Henry to get a nice suit - his first, the sleeves and legs given extra length to be let out as the growth spurt from hell inevitably continued so they could get more than one use out of the damn thing. They had even arranged for a bouquet and boutonnières, even if Emma doesn’t know anything about flowers. As soon as Liam had arrived back in the city from filming in Atlanta, they had gathered all their friends and family on a dark Monday and made it official.

Henry stood as Best Man. Mary Margaret cried. Ruby wolf-whistled. And Emma had never been happier as Killian dipped her into a dramatic kiss.

“Are you happy, my love?” he’d whispered into her ear later at Granny’s. The older woman had gladly donated her diner for the reception, closing for the occasion so they could all eat cake and dance to jukebox hits.

“What do you think?” she’d quipped right back, before laughing and drawing him down into a kiss. It feels like they’ve come full circle; it feels like home.

(She may still be Emma Swan professionally, but there’s a certain thrill to hearing Mrs. Jones.)

“And one more thing…” Archie continues on the TV, drawing Emma’s attention back to the screen. If possible, televised Killian grins even wider: if what she thinks is about to happen is actually about to happen, she doesn’t blame him in the least. “… You two had a little girl.” The photo on the screen is a sweet one of her little fingers curled around Killian’s thumb. Emma knows it well; it hangs in the nursery, right next to the rocker where Emma’s lately been spending what feels like half her nights.

“We did. She just turned five months old last week.”

“And her name? If you guys are ok to announce it.”

“Hazel Elizabeth Jones.” The audience aws, which the tiny baby propped in her Papa’s arms here in their living room seems to find objectionable as she starts squirming and snuffling. “Emma and I thought it would be appropriate to pay homage to the show where we met.”

They’d had it in mind from the start, ever since they’d found out they were having a girl. There’d been a good bit of debate and waffling back and forth about the first name, but they’d always agreed on Elizabeth for the middle. Hazel hadn’t actually been on the shortlist, just something that’d they’d discussed and put aside, but then she’d arrived - six pounds four ounces, dark hair, loud cry, perfect, and it had just… fit. If there’s one thing Emma’s learned since Killian, it’s not to question a good thing.

Parenting now, 15 years after her first child, is both easier and harder. There’s an exhaustion that comes with age that’s only compounded by caring for an infant. It helps though, more than she can ever describe, to have a partner in this, not to mention a secure housing and financial situation. Killian’s a great dad - to both her children, really - and it’s a particular joy to watch him with their baby.

“You’re okay, lass, you’re okay,” he murmurs now, bouncing their daughter against his chest to attempt to calm her down. It works, thank God; Henry’s been great about all the changes in their lives and is lucky enough to sleep through almost everything, but Emma still doesn’t like taking that chance on a school night.

“Little drama queen,” Emma murmurs affectionately, tweaking a little sock-clad foot. She’d forgotten just how tiny everything about babies is somewhere in the decade and a half between Henry and Hazel, but has loved rediscovering it.

“Maybe she’ll be an actor like Papa one day,” Killian suggests, quirking a teasing eyebrow in Emma’s direction.

She snorts. “Not if Mom has any say in it.”

“What, you don’t think we need more actors in this family?” His tone conveys mock-insult, but Emma can see that twinkle in his eye that means he’s joking.

“Nah, she’s gonna be a techie. I can feel it.”

Emma can faintly hear Archie offerings his congratulations and asking about Killian’s upcoming turn as Harold Hill in a televised performance of The Music Man, but she’s not really paying attention anymore, too preoccupied with this moment with her little family. Maybe that was Killian’s devious plan all along - distract her from his talk show appearance with their very cute baby. She can’t really complain about that.

“Ah, well, I suppose I can’t argue that,” he concedes. “Not when her mother’s so brilliant at it.”

Even after all this time, a compliment from Killian can still make her blush. He knows it, too, which only makes him do it more. She loves that about him, though. Suddenly, it seems very important that she express that very fact.

“I love you, Killian.” She’s said it hundreds, thousands of times before, but it still strikes her with wonder every time, just how much she loves the man sitting next to her.

“I love you too, my Swan,” he replies, placing a careful kiss on her lips while trying not to jostle the baby.

Though Emma knew accepting that stage managing job almost five years ago now would change her life, she never imagined in a million years that she’d end up here, with a husband and baby and her son sleeping just down the hall in a life better than she ever could have fathomed.

She wouldn’t change a thing.

[personalcoachingcenter]

Research Paper: Language Matters

New Post has been published on https://personalcoachingcenter.com/research-paper-language-matters/

Research Paper: Language Matters

Research Paper By Charlene Moynihan (Ability Coach, UNITED STATES)

Introduction

A man is worked upon by what he works on. He may carve out his circumstances, but his circumstances will carve him out as well. –Frederick Douglass

Diversity is inherent in everything we experience such as nature and its multitude of variance, and, people and their cultures. If we are to truly celebrate differences, we must begin by knowing and understanding those differences. As coaches, that knowing/understanding must begin with ourselves. As one who will work with those who have a relationship to a disability, I must have knowledge and awareness of disability culture.

Moreover, as an individual with a disability, I must understand what it is that makes me different than others if I am to truly approach this endeavor with a celebratory mindset.

ICA teaches us that

Culture exists in the minds of the individuals that have learned from other human beings what is acceptable in their interactions with other human beings. Culture allows us to communicate with one another in a language that we have learned and share in common. -International Coach Academy

With the understanding that coaching sessions are about the client and not the coach, how to promote my work to potential clients has much to do with who I am and how I present myself. I felt I needed to address the issue of how much of my personal experience to share in the promotional process since how I am perceived affects the assessment of a good fit between coach and client.

This brings up the dilemma that many potential clients will face, exactly what, when, and how much is appropriate to disclose when it comes to disability. As a person with an acquired disability, it was a question that I needed a comfortable answer to. If I can understand the process it takes to answer that question, I can recognize a similar struggle and the need to address it with my clients.

I looked to disability theory with a particular focus on the language used to speak about disability for some insight. The language we use communicates much about who we are, how we think, and what we believe. This paper will focus on the language used to speak of disability.

Let’s start with an explanation of the predominant models of disability theory.

Disability Theory

The Medical Model

The medical model of disability talks of it in terms of impairment, deficiency, and/or abnormality. It is something that exists within the body/the person and it is the person’s responsibility to learn how to deal with it. The medical field seeks to cure and/or treat the disability with therapies that are aimed at making the person function more “normally”. Most of the language used by the medical community to discuss/describe disability are negatives, suffering from, and afflicted with for example. These words communicate that disability is not something desirable and reflects an attitude of negativity in the way the non-medical community thinks about disability.

The Social Model

The social model sees disability as simply a part of who one is; no different than gender, race, or age. The problem of disability is viewed as one of interaction in a society that is often inaccessible and unaware of the severity of the struggles it presents. The social model seeks to fix these struggles through a change in society, through awareness and accessibility. The language used by the social model is person-centered as opposed to identity-centered, a “person with a disability” vs. a “disabled person” treating the disability as only a part of the whole. These phrases are far less negative.

These are the two major models of disability at play. They are far more complicated than I have related and the advantages and consequences of each warrant much consideration. Many interdisciplinary approaches to these models exist and are not dissimilar to those related to issues of sexual identity and race when it comes to disclosure and discrimination. But the brief descriptions demonstrate incredible differences in the way people think and speak about a disability.

The Research

For this paper, I will limit my discussion to that the language used to speak of disability and its impact on the members of the community. It is the language we use that reflects one’s understanding of disability. It is also the language others use that impacts a decision to disclose ones’ identity to the speaker or not. Comfort level and confidence in the speaker’s understanding are paramount. In this cancellation culture, what language does one choose when speaking about disability? How does one speak of disability in a way that communicates comfort and confidence? My research offered some insight into these questions. I was able to locate two papers addressing this issue that struck a note with me.

A lot of controversies exist around the use of the word disability. In #SaytheWord: A Disability Culture Commentary on the Erasure of “Disability” the authors say, “The literature indicates that despite the importance of language on attitudes toward disabled people, attempts to avoid the term ‘disability’ remain and may have unintended consequences.” -Andrews, E. E., Forber-Pratt, A. J., Mona, L. R., Lund, E. M., Pilarski, C. R., & Balter, R. (2019). Some thought by removing the word disability and substituting things like “differently-abled” would remove some of the associated negativity in the same way that person-first language helps to minimize labeling and categorizing people by identity-first.

The concern is that the use of euphemisms can serve to reinforce the idea that disability is negative and can be indicative of bias or prejudiced thinking. Such euphemisms, like Photoshop, take something less appealing and make it more acceptable to the viewer; that the viewer may feel more comfortable/more pleased with the subject matter. This reluctance to use the word disabled is more about the needs of the non-disabled who have bias and/or prejudice thinking that underlies their discomfort, and, the disabled who fear being stigmatized; the primary reason reported for not disclosing a disability. Yet many are reclaiming the word disabled. It allows self-identity and serves to place them into a community that can protect against the stigma (and fear of) by “externalizing rather than internalizing disability prejudices.”Andrews, E. E., Forber-Pratt, A. J., Mona, L. R., Lund, E. M., Pilarski, C. R., & Balter, R. (2019).

In “Disclosing Our Relationships to Disabilities: An Invitation for Disability Studies Scholars”, Joan O’TooleCorbet writes, “…we need to examine our reluctance to support public disclosure, open academic inquiries into public signifiers, encourage public disclosure, and use signifiers of one’s relationship to disability.” I found this a fascinating perspective. She writes about how disclosure is managed in the disability rights community. Corbet goes on to say that in this community, they are “expected to locate themselves about the lived disability experience.” One would say, for example, I am disabled, or, I am the parent of a disabled child, or, I am a non-disabled teacher of disabled adults. The reasoning behind this sort of disclosure is that it explains perspectives based on the nature of the relationship to disability that goes beyond the binary disabled or non-disabled identity. It respects that each relationship to disability has valuable information to be shared. Stating a relationship to disability is not the same as sharing specifics of the nature of one’s disability. That remains a personal decision. The rule of thumb is that you may state your relationship to disability but you must not speak to the experience of another as it presumes that you know the lived experience of another and you cannot. This understanding can be applied nicely in the coaching session.

Another positive here is that “Public disclosure of the relationship to disability increases the number of people discussing and identifying disability oppression.” Disclosing one’s relationship to disability provides community membership, support, and strategies to combat ableism. Ableism is to the disability community what white supremacy is to communities of a minority race. Stating one’s relationship to disability opens a space for productive discussion of disability-related issues and helps combat ableism.

Analysis

In any discussion of oppressed populations, it behooves one to understand the issues at play. I will be focusing the efforts of my transformational coaching practice on serving clients with acquired disabilities. We live in a world demanding political correctness and the cancellation of those who are not. Use of language that, either intentionally or not, communicates negativity towards any group/community and/or culture inhibits trusting relationships and has no place in coaching.

I have chosen to use the word disabled in my marketing/promotional materials. I will use it without the shame and negativity it carries for some. My intent will be clear. I will use it to identify membership within a supportive community. As one with a relatively invisible acquired disability, I know the isolation that comes with not speaking about disability. I want my potential clients to know that they need not feel the isolation that comes with keeping silent and that there is a way to speak of it without the need to disclose one’s diagnosis and specific limitations. That information is disclosed on a need-to-know basis and most simply don’t need to know. I want them to feel welcomed to experience membership in that community, that culture that offers support and advocacy if they so choose.

I will also speak in terms of my relationship to disability because of its ability to communicate differing perspectives on disability. I cannot share my lived experience by sharing a diagnosis. My relationship to disability is relevant to my clients because of its ability to communicate perspectives and open lines of communication on the subject of disability. Since I have identified people with an acquired disability and those with a similar relationship, it also explains my desire to expand services to family, caregivers, friends, and professionals working with my clients of choice.

I will share my relationship to disability as follows. As a child, I attended a summer camp for developmentally disabled children with my siblings (where my mother worked as a camp nurse). I grew up laughing and playing with children who were different but very much the same as me. I was a friend of disabled children. I worked in schools and residential homes for adults with multiple disabilities. I was non-disabled support professional. My father became disabled due to chronic illness. I was the daughter of a disabled man. I was diagnosed with a disabling condition when my children were young. I am a disabled person.

My child has a disabling condition. I am the disabled parent of a disabled adult. I have multiple friends with disabilities. I am a disabled friend of disabled adults. I ended my career as a Disability Claims Specialist at the Social Security Administration (S.S.A.). I conducted in-depth interviews to uncover and document the specific physical, psychological and cognitive phenomenon that results in meeting the legal definition of disability used by S.S.A.This gave me an intimate look into the lived experience of many disabled individuals. I am a disabled individual with intimate knowledge of both my own and the disabling conditions of others.

This communicates so much more than disclosing that I have Multiple Sclerosis. Do you feel the difference? Asking for and providing one’s relationship to disability provides relevant and useable information in discussions of disability. The provision of a diagnosis generally either suppresses conversation due to discomfort with the disclosure or leads to additional (and inappropriate in many situations) questions regarding the personal limitations of the disabled person. I would much rather enable a productive conversation than suppress or encourage inappropriate ones.

Conclusion

I change my thoughts, I change my world. ~ Norman Vincent Peale

We are taught at ICA to, “Be aware of personal strengths and weaknesses when it comes to one’s own Coaching Mindset.” ICF talks of “the criticality of a partnership between coach and client, and the importance of cultural, systemic and contextual awareness.” For these reasons, I undertook this study. My coaching mindset needed nurturing. If I am to be a focused partner with clients, I must feel confident that I have communicated, upfront, what is appropriate for my clients to know; that they can then decide if they want to develop a partnership with me.

Despite my years of work with individuals with disabilities, I needed to look at the bigger picture. My experience was job-related and focused on meeting their needs. More caregiver than a coach. My perspective needed to shift. I needed to understand how to speak of disability in a non-directive way. More importantly, I needed to understand how the language I use communicates my thoughts, values, and beliefs. I needed to understand the mindsets of others who participate in the discussion of disability. I needed to understand disability at a different level; one that addressed the need for cultural, systemic, and contextual awareness.

The journey has been well worth the time and energy. It is no longer my role to meet the physical and emotional needs of those with whom I work. I know in my heart that they are entitled to self-determination, just as I am, and I will support and empower them to pursue their goals no longer as a caregiver but a coach. I have learned much about the language used to speak of disability. I have also come to understand the intent behind my need to do this research. I have never spent much time thinking about nor identifying myself as a person with a disability. I needed to acknowledge myself as a member of the community and find a way to communicate that membership in a way that felt comfortable. In doing so, I have resolved my questions regarding how to communicate my thoughts, values, and beliefs by the language I will use to speak of disability with my clients and promote my business. First impressions matter and the language we use speaks volumes about who we are and what we value.

Sources:

Websites

Critical Disability Theory. Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy. https://stanford.library.sydney.edu.au/archives/win2019/entries/disability-critical/

Disability and Justice. Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy. https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/disability-justice/.

Disclosing Our Relationships to Disabilities: An Invitation for Disability Studies Scholars. Corbett Joan O’Toole 1 (disabled) 2 Independent Researcher. https://dsq-sds.org/article/view/3708/3226.

Disability Studies Quarterly.Siebers, Tobin. Disability Theory. Ann Arbor: University of Michigan Press, 2008. Reviewed by Michael Davidson. https://dsq-sds.org/article/view/160/160.

Medical Model of Disability versus Social Model of Disability. Living with Disability and Chronic Pain. https://canbc.org/blog/medical-model-of-disability-versus-social-model-of-disability/.

Disability Studies Quarterly. Un/covering: Making Disability Identity Legible. Heather Dawn Evans. https://dsq-sds.org/article/view/5556/4550.

Andrews, E. E., Forber-Pratt, A. J., Mona, L. R., Lund, E. M., Pilarski, C. R., & Balter, R. (2019). #SaytheWord: A disability culture commentary on the erasure of “disability”. Rehabilitation Psychology, 64(2), 111–118. https://doi.org/10.1037/rep0000258.

https://docs.google.com.

Original source: https://coachcampus.com/coach-portfolios/research-papers/charlene-moynihan-language-matters/

[techcrunchappcom]

New Post has been published on https://techcrunchapp.com/iowa-stymies-public-information-requests-in-pandemic-news-sports-jobs/

Iowa stymies public information requests in pandemic | News, Sports, Jobs

photo by Olivia Sun/The Des Moines Register via AP, Pool Gov. Kim Reynolds holds a news conference on COVID-19 at the State Emergency Operations Center in Johnston .

COVID-19 has Iowans wanting more information from federal, state and local governments to guide life-or-death decisions raised by the unprecedented pandemic.

Is it safe to go to the store? Do masks prevent spread of the virus? Should my kids go to school in the fall?

At a time when Iowans need accurate and complete information, some state agencies, including the Governor’s Office, are ignoring questions from reporters, refusing to do interviews and stalling on public records requests — sometimes for months, Iowa journalists said.

“I’ve heard from newspapers and TV stations that are at the end of their rope,” said Randy Evans, executive director of the Iowa Freedom of Information Council. State agencies are “facing legitimate concerns about coronavirus, but they are seemingly using it as a means of deflecting public records requests.”

Without critical pieces of information, residents may not fully understand changing public health recommendations and lose trust in public officials, said Gunita Singh, the Jack Nelson/Dow Jones Foundation legal fellow at the Reporters Committee for Freedom of the Press.

“Open government isn’t just a nice idea, it’s a cornerstone for an informed citizenry,” Singh said. “We see reporters going above and beyond, but we aren’t seeing government bodies across the board facilitating access to the information.”

Since March, Iowans have been deprived of information in the following ways:

• The Iowa Department of Public Health initially would not release data on hospitalization of COVID-19 patients, which KCRG-TV9 in Cedar Rapids requested in early April, KCRG News Director Adam Carros said. Ultimately, KCRG had an attorney issue a demand letter to get the numbers made public in mid-May.

• Gov. Kim Reynolds’ staff would not answer the Centerville Iowegian’s questions about why an April 2 Seymour horse auction involving hundreds of people was allowed, even after Reynolds on March 26 had issued an emergency declaration banning gatherings of more than 10 people.

Editor Kyle Ocker or his staff tried to ask the question during then-daily press briefings.

“I have dialed in two to three times, one time up to 15 to 20 minutes early, and never got a question,” Ocker said. “The questions were never addressed by other media during the calls.”

• It took the Governor’s Office 142 days — more than one-third of a year — to fulfill a records request The Cedar Rapids Gazette filed March 3 to find out about communications between Jake Ketzner, the governor’s former chief of staff, and state officials over a $50 million cloud computing contract with Workday, which hired Ketzner in 2018.

When the office finally fulfilled the request July 24, it said there was one responsive email.

• Reynolds has so far declined to do an interview with Brianne Pfannenstiel, the Des Moines Register’s political reporter, about what it’s like to lead the state through a pandemic.

“I’ve suggested a short phone interview. I’ve pledged to drive to meet her wherever she is. I’ve said I’ll make myself available whenever she can squeeze me in — even if it’s off hours on a night or a weekend. But I’ve been given every variation of ‘we see the value in this interview but she’s just so busy right now,’” Pfannenstiel said. But “she has managed to make time for conservative radio and KCCI, though.”

• The Iowa Department of Education has said no to repeated requests from the Iowa Center for Public Affairs Journalism, or IowaWatch, for an interview with Ann Lebo to talk about COVID-related issues, including how rural school districts were going to serve students with limited internet connectivity.

• The Governor’s Office has not responded to a Register request for an audio recording or transcript of a call between Reynolds, Nebraska Gov. Pete Ricketts and Dr. Anthony Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases and a COVID-19 adviser to President Donald Trump.

Reynolds tweeted about the call April 6, saying Fauci was “100% supportive, saying IA and NE ‘were on the same page’ with guidance he’s providing other states.”

Reporter Jason Clayworth said he thinks the governor’s tweet probably is accurate.

“But I also think it’s possible the conversation involved important context that may be valuable for the public’s ongoing assessment of how to save human life,” he said. “By thumbing her nose at record requests, the governor dodges accountability to the people she represents.”

Pat Garrett, Reynolds’ spokesman, said he believes his office had provided answers to many of these requests.

“Governor Reynolds and her administration has given an unprecedented level of access to the media and the public throughout the COVID-19 pandemic,” he said in an email.

“Whether it’s through daily press conferences, regular media availabilities, and hourly responses to media inquiries, we strive to be transparent. While there’s no way to immediately satisfy everyone’s request, the governor, her cabinet, and the entire team will continue to be as accessible as possible while combating the COVID-19 pandemic.”

Garrett announced Thursday that Reynolds would resume twice-weekly news briefings starting Tuesday.

Pandemic rules

Iowa isn’t the only state where reporters are struggling to get public information during the pandemic.

Since March, officials in 31 states and the District of Columbia have modified Freedom of Information Act laws or warned requesters to expect delays or lack of response, according to a review by the Reporters Committee for Freedom of the Press, a Washington, D.C., group that provides legal resources to protect First Amendment freedoms and newsgathering rights of journalists.

San Francisco Mayor London Breed in a March 13 declaration proclaimed two parts of the city’s administrative code requiring agencies to respond to immediate disclosure requests in a timely manner had been “suspended for the duration” of the coronavirus emergency,” the Reporters Committee found.

Chicago Public Schools said the COVID-19 pandemic “may result in responses to FOIA requests being significantly delayed or impaired.”

The Student Press Law Center, a Washington, D.C., not-for-profit that promotes and defends free speech rights of high school and college journalists, reported May 21 that “COVID-19 has created real challenges for record holders, and a convenient excuse for schools looking to stonewall journalists.”

In Iowa, Reynolds has temporarily suspended the requirement that public meetings or hearings be held in person, as long as the public can participate remotely.

There have been no formal changes to Iowa Code Chapter 22, which provides access to public records.

Chapter 22 requires government bodies to provide access to public records as soon as possible. Agencies are granted a “good-faith, reasonable delay” if they are trying to determine if the record requested is indeed public or if they are filing an injunction to stop release of the record.

One part of the law says a reasonable delay for determining whether a record should be open for inspection should not “exceed 20 calendar days and ordinarily should not exceed 10 business days.”

Bottleneck

Some state agencies, especially the Iowa Department of Public Health, are funneling information requests through the Governor’s Office, which creates a bottleneck. And because the governor isn’t subject to oversight from the Iowa Public Information Board, reporters have no recourse when requests are ignored — other than hiring attorneys.

“It removes a low-cost means of getting a resolution,” Evans said.

The Public Health Department, which has been a focus of many COVID information requests since March, earlier this month fired its longtime spokeswoman, Polly Carver-Kimm.

She told Register reporter Tony Leys it was because her bosses thought she shared too much information with reporters.

When Iowa Capital Dispatch reporter Clark Kauffman asked for emails between Dr. Caitlin Pedati, the state medical director, and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention regarding COVID-19 outbreaks at meat-processing plants, the department asked him to pay nearly $10,000.

The department also refers all questions about Test Iowa, Iowa’s $26 million no-bid COVID-19 testing program, to Reynolds’ office.

“It’s her program,” Garrett said.

When The Gazette followed up on a week-old request asking why Test Iowa had stopped sending health surveys to thousands of Iowans, Garrett said July 24 he had missed the previous email forwarded to him from Public Health.

He provided the answer July 24 (surveys stop after seven weeks if survey takers report no symptoms) but the delay points out the challenges of one office overseeing hundreds of requests — some of which could be handled by others.

Iowa Department of Human Services Director Kelly Garcia, who this weekend also becomes the new director of Public Health Department, has indicated plans to focus on transparency and communication within the department.

Solutions

Some state agencies across the country have proved a pandemic doesn’t have to hinder the public’s access to information, Singh said.

The Minnesota Department of Administration issued a statement in March reminding agencies of their obligations to respond to public records requests in an emergency.

“Entity responses must be prompt and appropriate, and within a reasonable amount of time. The reasonable and appropriate standards are flexible enough to accommodate changes in circumstances due to the current emergency. However, data request response times for data subjects remain 10 business days. … Entities might also consider waiving copy fees at this time when they deem appropriate.”

The Vermont League of Cities and Towns recommends agencies post records online so they are available to the public even when offices are closed, according to the Reporters Committee’s research.

The committee recommends journalists submit requests electronically to help records custodians keep track. Journalists also should prioritize requests related to COVID-19 and streamline requests that need a timely response, the committee said.

“One practice we recommend is keeping lines of communications open,” Singh said. Agencies should tell reporters when there will be a delay, but estimate when the information will be available. Journalists should communicate more about their deadlines, she said.

“I don’t think the argument ‘we need to be making these sweeping changes’ carries any weight,” she said. “We are seeing examples of jurisdictions that are easily balancing the need to stay safe and also to provide the free flow of information.”

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[missizzy]

Habeas for Superheroes, Part 5(Daredevil)

(Read entire fic on AO3)

“So,” Jennifer Many was saying, “A couple of hours ago, the White House issued a statement saying it was ‘deeply concerned’ about Secretary Ross’ words, and is ‘considering’ what actions are appropriate.” She kept her voice all too neutral. “What have you two got to say to that?”

It was the afternoon after the breakout and Ross’ response, and Foggy was still feeling shaken to the core. She doubted she was the only one. She and Matt were with the reporter in her office, and she thought it would’ve been easier to do this interview if the world had started feeling real again.

Or if Karen had been the one doing it. But she’d explained over again how journalists had their ethics, just like lawyers did, and so someone else had to do this one. Foggy wasn’t sure exactly how well Karen kept to those ethics, but hey, she almost certainly did more than Matt did to theirs. They understood, of course, but it still made this a lot harder.

She also wished Marci was there to do that question proper justice. But she was off doing her first interview with a Harlem reporter, her client’s mother alongside her. So she and Matt touched each other’s hands, and he flicked his fingers, and tilted his head when she looked at it.

She briefly considered just how vicious she wanted to be, and settled for, “Well, I’ve always thought our current President was a bit of a coward, but I would’ve thought he would’ve done the right thing in this case.”

Many honestly looked a little shocked when the word “coward” came out. It wasn’t really the done thing to use it to describe Matthew Ellis anymore. It had been used all the time during his first term, but after he’d nearly been dropped into flames on live TV, there’d been the feeling the insult ought to be retired.

But Foggy continued, “I’m sorry, but I can call him nothing else. This situation should be in black and white. Ross should’ve been out of a job before midnight last night. He should have been out of a job as soon as that footage leaked, and the President should be before a Congressional committee right now, answering questions about how he let one of his men imprison four people, three of them American citizens, without trial, lawyers, or even disclosure to the public of where they were. That they haven’t called him before one is cowardice on their part too.”

“Ms. Nelson,” said Many, now looking all too intrigued, “are you insinuating that there was a conspiracy within the Ellis Administration related to this?”

“Well, there had to be,” said Matt. “An operation like the…like what’s been exposed takes the coordinated effort of a lot of people. It’s possible, maybe that President Ellis was not aware what was going on, but if they were keeping this from him, then there is even more question about why he hasn’t disowned the Secretary of State yet. There are a lot of questions we don’t have answers to.”

“Are you hoping to achieve that as well for your clients?”

“It would be nice if we could,” said Foggy. “I think they’d like to know, although of course since we can’t get into contact with them right now, we can only guess at that. Our priority, of course, is getting them able to come home without their being locked up in a secret hole out in the middle of the ocean.”

“Aren’t you worried they might refuse to come here?” Many asked. “After all, there’s little dispute they’ve violated international law themselves, and while certainly it should be lawfully, and fairly, they may still find themselves under arrest.”

“If we are satisfied that their lives will not be at risk,” said Foggy, “and we get the chance to communicate with them, we will of course urge them to turn themselves in. And I think they themselves would willingly come back and do so if they were convinced they would be treated fairly, though I don’t know how the government could get them to believe that as long as Secretary Ross remains part of it, especially when the Attorney General is oddly silent. And even the Secretary of Defense is; if this was truly a war situation, one would expect him to speak, after all.”

“Are you worried their lives might be at risk, then?” There was the kind of glint in Many’s eyes that made Foggy think she was hoping for a yes.

Which got her to stop and think, before Matt ended up answering first. “I don’t think at this point anyone actually wants them dead. But that doesn’t mean we don’t have to worry. One thing we’ve noticed in general in recent months, and the Sokovia Accords reflect this, is a general disregard for the basic safety and wellbeing for superpowered individuals. There seems to be an assumption they can stand any abuse thrown at them, and no thought of how those abuses might interact with their gifts, and when in most case no one knows much about how those powers are affecting their bodies and their health. That straitjacket was obviously suppressing Ms. Maximoff’s powers, and we have no idea what even the amount of time she spent in it did to her.

And of course in recent weeks we’ve started to see a group of armed terrorists roam the streets and murder Inhumans, and nobody seems to be doing much about that even when they blew up a government compound. Imagine what would’ve happened in response had an Islamic group done such a thing. Even a more normal white right-wing group doing it probably would have resulted in arrests. There is a clear message being sent that anyone can do anything they like to someone superpowered without consequences. Consequences exist only for them.” By now Matt was speaking with a passion that made Many look a little surprised. Well, she couldn’t know this was personal for him.

And Foggy very much wanted to lead the conversation away from that vein, so she said, “And in this case, given what kind of rhetoric is being spoken by Ross against our clients, and the fact that it will probably be military people sent to capture them if they’re found, we are worried, yes, that they won’t see taking them alive as the priority. Especially if they’re convinced a fight is inevitable, which of course it might not be. I do hope the government realizes, of course, that if any of our clients is killed by soldiers, and their families wish it, we will pursue redress through any avenue we find open to us.”

There was a knock at the door, and Marci’s voice called, “Foggy? You’ve got a visitor, and one of the type I’m not sure you want to keep waiting too long. Your PA’s entertaining her right now.”

Matt rose very fast to let her in, fast enough that Foggy thought he’d heard and recognized the visitor in question. But Foggy couldn’t think it was any of the Avengers, and surely if it was one of Matt’s newer more local superhero buddies Marci would’ve identified them.

Marci took a look at Many, then said, “I think you might want to finish the interview before she comes in, though.” Definitely someone they didn’t necessarily want the press to know about, then.

There was a moment where Many seemed to consider her options, and what kind of reporter she wanted to be that day. Then she stood up and said, “I actually would like to talk to you, further, Mr. Murdock, of waking up to discover the Black Widow had broken into your apartment, when I understand your wife was at work.”

“Well,” said Matt, “Foggy actually woke me up with the papers; I’d slept a little longer than I’d intended to that day.” He was already walking towards the door, Many following.

“Do you think there’s any chance Ms. Romanov had something to do with that?” Foggy heard her ask as they passed out the door. If Matt had identified his wife’s visitor, he’d no doubt casually stroll the other way.

“I’ll go give her the all clear,” said Marci, and from the way she was now grinning, Foggy was pretty sure she’d recognized the visitor too. As she took her place at her desk, Foggy wondered if it was Vision.

But really, she thought, when Pepper Potts came through the door, that one should’ve been obvious.

“Ms. Potts.” Foggy couldn’t help but smile. All the Avengers had spoken highly of Pepper, and Wanda believed she’d played a huge part in her being admitted into the country even after the Avengers had initially spoken to the U.S. government about how dangerous she was. She knew meeting her just now had probably made Marci’s month, and Foggy couldn’t say she didn’t have some admiration for this smart, powerful woman herself.

She closed the door behind her and said, “I’m afraid the official reason for my being here is currently in dispute. Tony keeps thinking up more and more creative ones to give to the press if we’re ever pushed to. But since you could never give it to them anyway, that’s not your problem, right?”

“Right,” Foggy agreed, but it was harder to keep the smile on, hearing her tone as she talked about Tony Stark. It made her think they had broken up, and it certainly hadn’t been because of her not loving him anymore.

“So,” she came over to Foggy’s desk, grabbing a chair and bringing it over herself before Foggy could get up to do that. “I do have to ask this first: do you have anything to do with what your friend Karen Page has written?”

“Not about Stark, and we’ve got no control over that.” Foggy hastily put up her hands. “Karen does what she wants, writes what she wants, ventures into dangerous places and risks her life for what she wants, and you should see how upset Matt gets about it every time he hears about the last.” The hypocrite, she didn’t add, because she wasn’t one hundred percent sure Pepper knew about that.

“All right, then,” she said. “I thought as much anyway. I mean, I’ve met her.”

Then she said, “So the actual reason I’m here is because I didn’t want to risk putting this conversation on any phone or email lines. I’ll understand completely if you don’t want to tell us this, even if he won’t, but Tony wants to know how much your husband’s likely to go out as his alter ego.”

So she did know. “He doesn’t want any of his help,” Foggy told her. “I don’t think he would, honestly, even if I was inclined to advocate for it, and right now, I’m sorry, but I’m not.” She turned stern on the end of that.

Ms. Potts’ lips didn’t even twitch. “Understood. Though I can’t promise he won’t try to give it, anyway.”

Foggy actually had to chuckle at that. “Do you have any idea how much Stark’s likely to even be in New York City?” she asked.

She shook her head. “I should tell you about that too, because he’s actually been talking about moving upstate completely. Selling the tower, the whole works. I mean, it definitely wouldn’t be tomorrow, even if he did do it. So if you were hoping we’ll get out of your hair fast, sorry.” The smile was weak, but Foggy was impressed she even tried it when her voice was so heavy. “One thing he does want to do, though, is he wants to make sure you both are always able to contact him no matter what. Allow me to point out to you that you can take that means of contact and never use it.”

“I’m willing to take it,” said Foggy. “Can’t speak for Matt, but I’m smart enough not to turn down the immediate means to a powerful ally when it’s offered. Never know when you might need that, especially when suing the President.”

She thought about it another moment, then decided to go forward with it: “Also, Ms. Potts, I would like you to know, if you yourself ever want to talk to me, for any reason at all, I will be happy to make myself available.”

“Thank you.” Her voice was unexpectedly soft, a hint of vulnerability. She bent down to reach into her purse, and took possibly longer than she needed poking about in it before pulling out a card. “He gave this to the other Avengers right after the Incident. The number is one only we’ve had, mostly. You call it, our current system will make sure we both know as soon as we can without anyone else finding out.”

It was a pretty innocuous-looking card for Stark. Foggy carefully put it away in her desk. When she looked up after doing so, Pepper Potts was just looking at her with an unreadable expression, and she found herself saying, “For the record, ‘ever’ includes right now.”

“I don’t want you to ask me any questions.”

“No problem,” said Foggy. “I won’t.” After hearing her tone there, she didn’t have to anyway. “I don’t promise I’ll answer yours, but you can ask them.”

“You really might not on this one,” and she let what was left of her composed face fall away completely as she asked, “Did you ever consider leaving him?”

“Sure,” said Foggy. “When he decided to start running around at night in his black pajamas less than a month before our wedding date.” She tried to keep her own voice steady, and hoped dearly Pepper wouldn’t ask if there had been any other times. That one she would have to refuse to answer. Besides, there had been further circumstances the other time she’d been considering it.

But the next question was, “And have you been sorry you didn’t? At times? For long lengths of time?”

That was a surprisingly easy one. “For moments, mostly. The hard ones especially, including the ones where I was convinced he was going to die, and a tiny bit of me was a little relieved at the thought.” Pepper looked shocked at that, but said nothing as Foggy pressed on. “And telling myself he needed me didn’t even help those times. There’s a point where it won’t anymore, once you realize you’re not going to save him.”

“It’s not our job to save them.” She said it as if she was confirming it to herself.

“Exactly. Even if they try to let you, and I think Matt genuinely did try once.”

Ms. Potts closed her eyes. The tabloids had once told a story about how her boyfriend had retired, or tried to anyway, because of her, and Foggy suspected the basic details of that had been true. He’d given her too long to hope, perhaps.

Then she asked, “Does it get easier? Or harder?”

Foggy had to think about that one, and eventually, she just shook her head. “I can’t answer that one when you’re not me, and the man you’re in love with isn’t Matt. When it comes down to it, my answer as relates to Matt and myself varies by day.” She thought about it a little more, then said, “I don’t think the bad nights get worse, but I don’t think they get better either. Maybe there are less of them, though, once you start figuring out your coping strategies. Though I would think…” She stopped herself; that might qualify as a question.

“I would’ve figured them out already?” Ms. Potts finished; thankfully she didn’t sound bothered. “I had ones that used to work better, which, honestly, mostly involved more CEOing. It’s just that…” She seemed to catch herself, unwilling to admit more to someone who was still pretty much a stranger.

Foggy rescued her as best she could with a gentle, “If it’s you that’s changing and feeling different, well, that’s probably a different problem all together, and one I’m not equipped to give you advice on at all. Sorry.”

Would she herself ever change like Pepper Potts might be changing? Maybe she was a little already. Half a year in this place had rubbed off on her vocabulary and way of approaching things; Karen had made her aware of that a few times. She didn’t think Matt would ever stop loving her, or even wanting her, really, and she couldn’t imagine she would ever stop loving him, but could she turn into someone who no longer wanted him?

She had to suppress a shudder at the thought.

But meanwhile, Ms. Potts had managed a smile, one that looked very real and honest, and she said, “Thank you, Ms. Nelson. You’ve helped me a lot.”

“My friends call me Foggy,” she said. “And I think we really should consider each other friends, even if maybe we don’t see each other too often, Ms. Potts. Not that I’d mind if we do, but even if we don’t.”

“Pepper, then.” And they reached out and shook hands on it. “I’ll get back to you if and when I get a better idea of what Tony’s planning to do about the tower. Or anything else happens you two should probably know about.”

Foggy poked her head out the door first, but Cheryl had already been standing watch. “I think Matt got her into Nick Stoll’s old office,” she said. “He looked like he could keep talking for a long while, too.”

Matt, of course, would know once Pepper was safely out and away from the building, so once Foggy had seen her out without incident, she expected him to be done talking soon. Sure enough, ten minutes after she’d returned to her office, she heard their voices in the hall. But they didn’t come in, but instead headed upstairs together, and twenty minutes after that Matt still hadn’t come back.

Had he been listening in? That wouldn’t have been right of him, especially when it had come to Pepper and her privacy, but maybe he hadn’t been able to stop himself.

She was considering calling him, just to make sure he hadn’t gotten distracted enough to step into an open manhole or something, when Karen called her. “I think you should know,” she said. “Jennifer just got back here, and now Ellison’s offended at you on the President’s behalf. I assume you’re smart enough to know that’s a very bad sign.”

“What did she say that got him offended, exactly?” Foggy asked, telling herself she didn’t care either way.

“Just that you’d called Ellis a coward. I’m allowed to tell you off the record I agree with you there, right?”

“Absolutely, only I have to watch what I say around you.” Foggy didn’t mind; it was comforting to hear someone agree with her on a comment she’d known already was going to provoke some anger. “Look, I know Ellison’s been good to you and everything, but remember he did originally side with Fisk.”

“He wasn’t the only one,” said Karen. “To be fair, most of the men who voiced their agreement with his outrage, well, they were all men for starters, and also, that type of man. The kind I try to avoid being alone with in the break room, and not even because I think they’ll make advances on me, necessarily, but simply because they might go belittling me.”

“So the guys who were going to throw bullshit at three of the four of us anyway, then,” said Foggy, trying to make herself sound completely relaxed, because she’d need to do that even more than usual in the coming days.

“You’ve never gotten hate mail, have you?” Karen’s voice was tiny and sad, the voice of someone who had.

Foggy's first thought then was, Oh God, Matt is going to lose his shit. Out loud she said, “It was probably inevitable anyway. Any tips for coping? For all four of us?”

A pause while Karen thought about it, then, “Try to read as little of it as possible, for starters. I actually don’t even see all of it anymore.”

“You mean leave Cheryl to deal with it? I don’t know if I want to do that, Karen. Also, I don’t know if we can get Marci to leave it be, if she starts getting it.”

“It might not have to be her, especially if Marci does start getting it too. Also, remember you can report death threats to the police, though I don’t always. Hell, there was at least one letter I fear there was a cop involved in. That’ll be your call.”

Just then, outside the door, she heard Cheryl saying, “Mr. Murdock, how long are you going to just stand outside your wife’s door?”

Matt’s response was very soft, a, “I think she might be on the phone with someone?”

Very considerate of him, Foggy supposed, except for the part where he was probably now shamelessly listening in. He had to be listening to her responses to Karen, at least. “Matt’s lurking around outside my door,” she informed Karen. “I don’t know whether or not I want him to participate in this conversation or not.” More quietly, she added, “Although if you don’t, Matt, could you at least excuse yourself or something?”

“All right, all right, I’ll go in,” he said to Cheryl in response. She should’ve known better than to think he’d be willing to walk off.

To the casual observer, Matt as he walked in might have looked a little tired. Foggy knew him better. “Karen,” she said, “can I call you back in a few?”

“Absolutely,” said Karen. “Remember, you don’t have to be nice to him.”

Matt had been listening to that one; she could tell. “Thanks for the reminder,” Foggy said to her lightly. “Bye.” She stood up as she hung up.

“I didn’t hear most of your conversation with Ms. Potts,” he said. “I was able to focus on talking to Many, which helped. But…well, I heard enough to make me think too much, I suppose. I don’t know if there’s even anything to say, I just...”

“Wow,” said Foggy. “Okay. I think we need to keep you out of the vicinity for any further talks I have with Pepper, for your own sake as well as both of ours. Maybe in the future I’ll ask her to meet me somewhere outside of Hell’s Kitchen? I mean, she knows about your hearing, so I’m sure she’ll understand. Though maybe too much; I’m sure those computer systems of Stark’s hear everything in his various properties. Unless they have privacy settings?” Something to ask her about, maybe.

“So you think you two will be talking again?” Matt asked softly. “And not just about whatever Stark’s next up to?”

“Does that bother you?” Foggy asked, in a tone that she hoped conveyed that this wouldn’t impede her.

“No,” Matt said. “In fact, I…I’ll be glad if you have someone to talk to. I know it’s helped you to talk to Karen, of course, but maybe… maybe Pepper Potts can understand things Karen can’t. At least if she takes Stark back.”

“So you think they have broken up?” she asked, then, carefully, “did you hear anything else?”

Matt looked appropriately uncomfortable as he said, “Not exactly. But she just…I don’t know. I could tell from the moment she mentioned his name she was in great pain over him. Then again, so could you, I imagine. And I…well I did keep track of her after she left the building, though she summoned her car on the way out and it arrived before she’d been out there very long. And she was pacing the entire time. Loudly, and that wasn’t just because of her heels. You got to her, probably more than she’ll ever admit to you.”

“And we have to end this conversation now,” Foggy cut him off, but much as she probably shouldn’t know what he’d just told her, she wasn’t sorry to learn it. “Though you know,” she added as she thought of another thing, “do you think maybe we should introduce her and Claire?” Or even Colleen, but of course she fought alongside Danny, so that was kind of a different situation.

“Maybe talk to Claire first,” said Matt. “I mean, Luke Cage is a bit more…” He trailed off, embarrassed.

“Sensible?” Foggy offered.

“Yeah, that. I think, in the end, there are things Claire’s willing to get herself dragged into, and there’s drama maybe you really shouldn’t bother her with. Like me. Definitely like Stark.”

And that, the thought that yes, Tony Stark probably was even more of a headache than this crazy husband of hers, caused the giggles to start to bubble out of Foggy. Matt took his glasses off and did his best to give her a pointed look, which was a bad idea, because it just made her laugh harder. “Like you too, I think,” Matt told her, which did nothing decrease her mirth.

When she had at least calmed down, Matt mused further, “Maybe have Karen talk to Claire with you. After all, she’s actually met Ms. Potts. I’ve never heard her speak badly of her, and when know you she’s the sort of woman Karen doesn’t go easy on.”

“Well, I have heard her criticize her words once, in relation to that whole think that happened in Sokovia, but maybe she’s forgiven her on that…” Maybe it would even do Karen and Pepper good to talk to each other. Of course, their situations remained different for the same reason Karen and Foggy’s situations were different, because Karen had never had to opportunity to be involved with the superhero she loved. Foggy supposed that did make her life easier in one way.

“Anyway,” Matt said, “I should probably also tell you; I got out of Many that Mr. Pulworth is staying in town for at least a couple more days, and that he’s probably going to pull Mrs. Wilson in for an interview after she refused to talk to anyone last night, and I just heard Marci tell her PA she’s headed for to Ft. Hamilton. I’ll try not to get too close to the premises…”

“Wow, you’re actually telling me this.” That by itself pleased Foggy so much she was willing enough to overlook the whole stalking dangerous people in broad daylight thing. Her standards had dropped so much. “Don’t suppose you’ll be able to get much of the guy’s reaction when Marci kicks his ass? You really shouldn’t tell me how she does so after all.” Which was a pity, since Marci no doubt had been spending the hours since their last meeting thinking of ways she could’ve done so already.

Matt smiled, and when she leaned towards him, he took the invitation to lightly kiss her. “I’ll see what I can do.”

[mobianflame]

RCMP are obligated to pay the Aga Khan's island greater than $56,000 for Trudeau holiday|CBC Headlines

The Royal Canadian Installed Police be obligated to repay the supervisors of the Aga Khan's personal isle in the Bahamas more than $56,000 for foods, holiday accommodations and jet ski rentals in the course of Excellent Administrator Justin Trudeau's disputable holiday, CBC Headlines has found out.

Three years after the trip, the pressure has certainly not however refunded the expenses "in spite of attempts produced to perform so," pointed out RCMP spokesperson Acting Detective Caroline Duval.While the RCMP point out

they have actually tried to pay out what they owe, their economic accountancy system commonly calls for invoices. The managers of the Aga Khan's island said in e-mails secured by CBC Information that they would like to be compensated for prices they acquired on behalf of the power-- however they do not really want any statements. Depending on to files gotten under the Get access to

to Relevant information Act following a complaint to Canada's relevant information , the Royal Canadian Mounted Cops sustained a$ 56,000 tab in 2017 for "accommodations/meals/jet ski rentals"for the Prime Administrator's Defense Information(PMPD), the RCMP unit that safeguards Canada's head of states. The troop said the costs were directly connected to

the unit's mandate"to give close security procedures to the Best Administrator and also his family members."The RCMP refuses to claim the amount of the

loan was spent on plane ski services, mentioning "carrying out thus could possibly expose safety and security particulars about the lot of employees assigned to defend the PM as well as his household."Records laying out the costs the RCMP possessed to repay list 5 charges ranging coming from$3,500 to$22,000. Duval stated nobody besides RCMP employees utilized any sort of plane ski rented on account of the power. The files also expose that the PMPD attempted to stop the expense from being showed to the public

. It asked that the$ 56,000-plus tab be spared from proactive disclosure and be censored to clear away endorsements to the prices being incurred in the course of the Trudeau family members's Xmas getaway. Under federal government guidelines, divisions are meant to proactively show information concerning contracts worth greater than$

10,000, unless disclosing them would certainly endanger points like social safety and security or national safety. In a memorandum dated Feb. 14, 2017, RCMP Manager of Arrangement Quality Control Markos Vennos questioned why the PMPD desired to exempt the spending

from declaration due to the fact that the vacation was over."I sent the reasoning for non-disclosure that PMPD offered up by means of my Director that consequently found assistance from our DG,"he wrote.

"She does certainly not feel that our team may exclude the contract from being actually divulged proactively."Because the costs has actually not however, been paid for, it has actually certainly not been actually divulged proactively. Trudeau has arrived in for massive adversary criticism over his choice to take the

excursion to the Aga Khan's special personal isle in the Bahamas over the Xmas vacations in

2016/17. Liberal MP as well as longtime good friend Seamus O'Regan as well as his other half Steve Doussis participated in Trudeau's loved ones on the isle, together with Anna Gainey, that was Liberal Party head of state during the time, as well as her other half Tom Pitfield, a longtime good friend and a vital participant of Trudeau's vote-casting initiative crew. Then-ethics commissioner Mary Dawson found in December 2017 that Trudeau broke 4 areas of the Disagreement of Rate of interest

Act, which governs social office owners, when he accepted the holiday from the Aga Khan. She refused Trudeau's debate that the Aga Khan, whose structure as well as Global Center for Pluralism bargain with the federal government, was just a household good friend as well as stated the vacations can be viewed as a try to determine Trudeau. A separate situation, which centres on the question of whether the Aga Khan broke Canada's lobbying guidelines, is actually to become listened to by the Federal Court of Beauty on Dec. 12.

The vacation cost the Canadian authorities greater than$215,000, with the RCMP bookkeeping for $153,504 of the button. The RCMP has not however reacted to a question from CBC Headlines regarding whether the

$56,000-plus it has yet to spend is consisted of during that overall. While other government departments have provided some details of their investing, the RCMP repetitively has actually rejected in the past to particular its own spending, maintaining that it can jeopardize the security

of the prime official. The documentations, nonetheless, offer new knowledge right into the expense of the vacation as well as the logistical difficulties postured through what the RCMP pertained to as the"Maple household deployment to Nassau, Bahamas.

"When he was actually a kid, the RCMP's codename for Trudeau was Walnut 3. On Jan. 1, 2017 in an email along with the topic line" Expenses for Accommodations/Meals/Jet Ski rentals,"Assessor Linda Blake, who moved

the PMPD release, stated she had actually inquired the manager of Bell Island to supply

a billing for the prices incurred while her police officers performed the isle. A 2nd e-mail to a Bell Isle staffer the exact same time describes doing" the true estimation on the meals, plane ski and watercraft."A distinct documentation, allowed RCMP Criteria for Alarm Isle Attendee System, provides five separate charges. While the descriptions are actually blanked out, a cost for $18,000 appears to relate an endorsement in the RCMP e-mails to a dish gratuity. The RCMP claimed the food costs were for RCMP employees only. A second fee is for $22,000.

The RCMP declined to point out whether the volume was for cottage, mentioning to accomplish therefore would show particulars about the amount of personnel appointed to defend the PM and also his family members. That leaves behind three staying

fees for $8,400,$ 4,500 and also $3,500-- one or additional of which are actually for jet ski rentals. The documentations likewise uncover that the unconventional selection to getaway on a private island in the Bahamas activated an authoritative problem responsible for the scenes. The RCMP had a hard time for months to find a way within its existing financial device to pay the costs it

had actually incurred on the isle, while the isle's supervisors were adamant they failed to desire to give out a billing. They acquired quite testy when a senior RCMP police officer attempted to draft one for them."I have discussed this situation and our experts are actually really concerned that you went ahead of time as well as produced a statement on our part after we specified many times that our company may certainly not provide statements,"created Alarm Isle supervisor Gordon Overing on March 23, 3 months

after Trudeau's go to."We are CERTAINLY NOT an organisation and also have no certificate to give out billings.

As explained, this ought to be actually dealt with as a repayment for products leased in support of the RCMP."Through April, the problem still had actually not been actually dealt with."It seems like our typical federal authorities repayment unit is actually certainly not appropriate with the Bell Island operations, "composed RCMP Superintendent Pierre J.G. Ménard, supervisor of Close Security Particulars."Isn't certainly there any sort of technique that our team may discover a solution to pay them that will please both the federal government monetary red tape and also the Alarm Isle supervisors."

The papers supply tantalizing peeks of what lifestyle felt like on the Aga Khan's private island throughout Trudeau's remain, and also what one Bell Island staff member called "the full Bell Isle expertise.""Things must begin to

receive a little bit more busy over the following handful of times,"states an interior email to workers on Bell Island, which consisted of the isle's manager of marine operations as well as another team member whose LinkedIn profile page explains him as a valet and gentleman's gent to a royal family in France."Our team are actually heading to reach 31 visitors for NYE( New Year's Eve )and also 35 attendees coming from the 1st to the 4th."It emerged after Dawson's report that then-U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry got on the island at the exact same opportunity as Trudeau.

Trudeau mentioned he had a chance to speak with Kerry concerning the state of the world and the inbound Trump administration. He illustrated lunch times and dinners along with about 20 people around the table. It is actually certainly not known who else attended on the isle at the opportunity past the Aga Khan, John Kerry, Trudeau, his family members and visitors.

All at once Trudeau as well as his household existed, the Aga Khan's team intended a trip on the Aga Khan's

46-metre high-end private yacht Shergar. The head of state's workplace refused continuously to state whether Trudeau and also his loved ones or guests voyaged on the Shergar. In May, Conservative movie critic Peter Kent required the RCMP to check into the trip, citing a provision of the Wrongdoer Code that restricts social representatives coming from accepting a benefit coming from somebody who has negotiations along with the authorities. But in a letter to Kent dated Aug. 19, RCMP Brenda Lucki informed him the force reached the final thought that it can certainly not"completely go after

an unlawful examination." Kent mentioned he considers to elevate the concern when Assemblage resumes resting. Elizabeth Thompson could be hit at elizabeth.thompson@cbc.ca!.?.!

This content was originally published here.

[aiwannadrawit]

Time: Friday 25 th

Place: Art Department

Between: Desmond & Anabelle

Plot: Desmond and Belle hang out a bit and Des learns of the issues between the people important to him

There's still so much to do, enough to have Belle's appointment book and day planner overflowing with notes and dates and assignments. She drops both books on one of the tables in the studio, along with a bag full of gigantic hardcover textbooks for the upcoming semester. Rubbing the back of her neck, she flops into a chair beside Desmond to look over his class schedule, more awkward with him now since the fight with Alex but trying her damndest not to take it out on her relationship with her favorite person in the department. "You should take the afternoon life modeling class on Wednesday, I'm doing the modeling again this semester. The professor brings in donuts and keeps a space heater on in winter so it doesn't feel like an ice box. Who do you have for animation?"

Desmond had been feeling pretty good so far. He had his whole thing with Alex and they talked, which was really needed now that he thought about it and now he could focus on other things. Like stuff going on with Belle. He knew she was busy, with the wedding, the kids, and everything else. He couldn't really imagine how she kept her head on straight but he commended her efforts. He scratched at his chin, "I dunno...I do so much life modeling already," he mumbled, mostly to himself as he thought of the countless sketchbooks with people in them. But really...taking it again couldn't hurt. "Uuuuh," he blinked searching his head for a name. "I lost it...but the paper's somewhere in my bag...I dunno."

"Yeah, but not with me. I'm the best." She grinned, tilting her head to beam at him cheekily, then looked back at the papers in front of them. "I'm thinking about the graphic design 101 thing and dropping journalism. Would be nice to be able to do my own marketing instead of subcontracting..." She leaned against him, head tilting to his shoulder. So many things had been changing in her life, it was nice to have something that felt normal. "Someone said they saw you hanging out with...whats his name. Rolan? What's up there?"

"I got you to pose covered in glitter though?" He laughed. He thought about it. "Sounds smart, best to cut out the middle man and all that jazz. Plus...if you really wanted you could always pick journalism back up some time later." He smiled at the relaxed feel of it all tilting his own head slightly to rest it on top of hers. "Hm...don't know any Rolans. Unless you meant Riley. Then nothing really," he grinned, "he's a new friend of mine." He took small moment. "You're okay? With all the planning and stuff? You don't need any help?" He kind of like a jerk for only asking this now, but he felt partially intrusive when she had so much going on. Even though he knew that wasn't really the case in the end.

"That was photography, not drawing," she pointed out, but smiled at the memory. It felt like she's ago now. "Eh, I was only in it for fun and to do the advice column. It ran its course." She tried to picture a Riley in her head, the image clicking with another notable redhead on the school's Instagram radar. He was cute, and available if she remembered right. "New friend with potential?" She nudged his side a little, hoping that the issue with Alex's public displays with another guy and everything that had happened since had finally put him off of the older man. "No, it's fine actually. Easier than I thought it would be, I just stuck some post it's in a magazine and gave them to my planner and Mitchell. All I have to do is show up and look pretty. You're coming, right? For sure?"

Desmond shrugged, he couldn't argue that. "Oh, so you're not gonna be offering up advice anymore? Those were always fun to read." Desmond couldn't help but to roll his eyes. "Potential for what," he asked in feigned ignorance. Though...he was still very much looking forward to his blowjob at some point. He let out a sigh of relief himself. "Whew, glad it's all so simple. I used to watch those wedding reality shows when I was younger. They always kinda looked like a nightmare. And of course I'm coming. Wouldn't miss it for the world."

Belle gave him a withering, if affectionate, look. "You know what. Are you seeing him? Or anyone really? Gotta know if you're bringing a date to the wedding," she tacked on as an excuse for her nosy prying. She stood up to stretch out her lower back and walk around the table, sitting on it instead and laying back so that she's looking at him upside down. She finally cut to the chase, even though it wasn't an easy conversation. "Are you still seeing Alex?"

"Oh is that all," he shook his head. "Well no I'm not seeing him... though I did end up blowing him." He mumbled that last part. "And I wasn't planning on bringing a date to the wedding. Except maybe Kuroko's if she's allowed." Desmond looked down at her, an eyebrow raising at her question. "Yeah..." He said slowly almost cautious. "I last spoke to him Tuesday...he's been gone for a bit."

Belle gasped out loud at the admission in false shock, but real delight. "He's cute, good on you." Unfortunately, that apparently didn't mean that things were off between him and the music professor. She couldn't hide the grimace. "Of course you can bring her. Can I ask why? He's not exactly claiming you in public, unless I missed something major. And it's been what, six months? Longer?" There was clear bias and distaste in her voice, she still hadn’t gotten over the argument, what she thought of as the last of several straws.

Desmond smirked, "He is cute." He nodded, glad this was pet friendly affair since he had gotten her a suit and everything. The grimace surprised him. "Almost a year I guess, and...he doesn't have to claim anything. We're not dating." He narrowed his eyes at her tone of voice, the shift in mood making him frown. "What's up you huh?"

"He's not dating anyone, as far as I know, but that doesn't mean he's not out with other people. It just seems...unfair. Especially considering his gripe with you telling me about the two of you. Since he was going to so much effort to keep you a secret but has no problem making out with someone at a public school event." Sighing, she sat up and turned on the table, crossing her legs to sit in front of him. "Not long ago he showed his true colors to me, that's all. He's and trust me when I say I don't use the word lightly, an asshole."

"He was," he took a deep breath. "He was doing that for my benefit. And that---" he waved a hand in relation to the incident, "was dealt with. We talked about it already. He can do whatever he wants and I can do whatever I want." He was being defensive, he knew, but they-- him and Alex-- had a really good and needed conversation. He thought they were in a better place than they had been when he left. "I know he's an asshole," he said, "what he do to you?"

Belle hesitated. Desmond was obviously still defending Alex, and she didn't feel like getting into another fight with someone she considered a friend - but she also wasn't about to lie and say that it was no big deal, when it was. "Aside from sticking his opinions where they didn't belong, being patronizing and implying that Mal and I don't have the kids' best interests at heart, he told me that I'm setting a bad example for them and that my upbringing was bad, apparently because I had a nanny. He made Mal think that the government would take the kids from us if we hired help, if I didn't quit school and work and stay home with them. Here." She leaned over to pull her phone from her bag, finding the conversation with Alex, and the screencaps she'd taken of what he'd told Mal, and handed it over to Desmond. "Full disclosure, I said some harsh things. I meant it."

Desmond read through the whole text conversation twice and then skimmed it a third time. This was...bad. Which, in and of itself, an understatement. But...from what he had read... Desmond sighed and handed her her phone back, sitting back in his seat. Well...he certainly could figure out what had Alex so upset that day. "Really? You'd try to end his career?"

Belle shrugged. "Maybe. It wouldn't be unwarranted, with his behavior lately. Unprofessional doesn't even begin to cover it." She paused, shaking her head. "They're my kids. I'm not going to let anyone put it into Mal's head that someone else will be taken away from him, that he's an unfit father. Marcus is old enough to understand things, if Alex said anything like that around him, implied that we don't care about him, it could kill the trust we're trying to build. So yes, if it came down to losing my family or Alex losing his job, I would."

Desmond didn't know anything about courts or child custody or anything else in that ball park. But Desmond didn't get that vibe from the conversations. At least not so much so that Alex was trying to destroy their family. "Job and career aren't the same thing."

"I could wreck his career or his job, and I would do either if he insulted my family again. I've done worse for less, and I tend to be...mellowed out these days, but I don't take it lightly when someone goes after the people I care about." She held her hand out for her phone. "We did nothing to him and he went on the attack because of how we're choosing to navigate a situation he can't know anything about, but that he decided he was the authority on because, what? He almost had a child? It's not a hypothetical for us, and it's none of his business to insult us over."

Desmond didn't see it as an attack. An unwarranted opinion that didn't go over too well, but not an outright attack. He didn't think throwing out the fact that he didn't have a kid was appropriate though. This whole situation was messy though. He ended up shrugging. "Okay." This certainly turned his mood sour. But he didn't want to start a big scale argument, even if he thought Bell was out of line and overreacting on some accounts. "Well, it's over now, yeah?"

Belle: Belle measured her words carefully - she didn't want to insult Desmond, he wasn't a part of all this. He was, in that he was seeing, if not dating, Alex still but he wasn't the one insulting her or her future husband. "I don't particularly want to be around him anymore. Ambivalence is about the best I can do." She paused, considering. "If he comes at my kids or my parenting style again, I won't be ambivalent anymore. Besides that, yes. I suppose it's over."

Desmond nodded slowly, "Well that's fine." He said; ambivalence wasn't so bad and he was sure with the way the conversation had gone Alex wouldn't be too keen on getting involved again. "So are you banning him from your wedding?"

Belle grimaced at that. The problem was that it wasn't just her wedding, and Mal didn't seem so inclined to burn bridges as she was. "If Mal wants him there, he can come." She shook her head. "I've ignored people with less to distract me. As long as he doesn't throw another fit of snapping at my guests, I don't care."

Desmond frowned at her second grimace of their conversation, but he supposed it was only fair. "I'm sure that won't be an issues," he said simply and then opted for a lighter conversation topic. "Do you wanna see Kuroko's in her suit?"

Belle brightened once the subject changed, though she was significantly less present, more guarded and defensive than before. "Of course! You got a little suit for her? That's amazing, I didn't know they made cat suits. Well...not that kind, anyway."

Desmond smiled, though he could feel the shift in her."Yup, they make all kinds of clothes for cats and the like. I wanted to get her a little flowers to go with it too, but I was worried she would try to eat it or something."

"Send my pictures, I'll make sure she gets some lilacs if they're safe for cats." She glanced at her watch, hopping off the table and gathering up her things. "I have a meeting with the new department head. You'll call me if you need anything?"

"Oooh...lilacs would be great." He nodded and sat back, picketing his phone and sighed. "Okay and yeah I will...you just do the same."