#my trauma my jokes i guess?

[badmemoryneko]

i hate going to campus on a conservative place not cause im getting beat up or anything but cause everyone calls me a lesbian to my *literal* back and the only proof i have is the fact instagram and pinterest keep recommending me lesbian shit no matter how much i press "not interested"

[antiphrastic]

I made something important

[parkercore-69]

thank you J.R.R. Tolkien for writing the most devastating romantic subplot in your lotr books without even realising it

[femmefaggot]

ok hi haha lol I dont rly feel like going in circles in my head forever trying to figure out whether, among other "smaller" things, being left alone in a room w only media as a child and not feeling like I had even a semblance of a personality for most of my life counts as "trauma"

a lot of these parts of me are new, I'm just recently putting names to them and it feels as though I'm developing facets of personalities in my mid 20s after a lifetime of either feeling like I'm basically just ADHD in a person, an amalgamation of kins shoved into a body, or something made of guilt Also shoved into a body.

I don't like, claim to know what this means. but I don't think a lot of my current mutuals would feel comfortable interacting w me bc I don't necessarily believe in the black and white of what plurality is. I'm not able or planning on getting any formal diagnosis and while I'm discussing this w my therapist they're very much not one to pathologize

I definitely don't feel like one person but I dont think id count for most of you as a "system" as the different parts of me feel as though theyre still developing. take all of this as you will, I'm not going to stress my body out more by trying to figure out "what" I am as I've been doing that my whole life and I'm kinda tired of it.

I know that I'm not entirely one thing and feel Enough like multiple things for myself, but blurred in a lot of ways. like some sort of gem with many different facets.

not sure where to go w this tbh take this how you will. im not comfortable saying I'm leaning one way or the other regarding system discourse, (<- not a phrase i want to use but the best shorthand i have) as I genuinely don't believe the human brain is nearly that black and white.

I'm both "me" and very much not "me" at times. idk what this means but ik I'm not comfortable saying im just pandora and im not sure im "allowed" to say im a system and im not sure if it matters, or should matter, regarding friends. im going to be like this regardless, id unfollow me if this grey area im likely to stay in bothers you

if you don't want me refollowing I'd probably block, too, as my memory is bad

[notnights]

Ughh been thinking too hard about my Digital Circus = asylum allegories cause I had a nightmare of nightmares I was admitted again & incarcerated this time for weeks rather than days but was being haunted for real & didn’t know until others saw it too but still felt insane for despite others finally believing me.

[varpusvaras]

There was something outside.

Fox could feel it, even through the walls of the building and his sleeping pod, his thin blanket doing nothing to keep the knowledge of it away. The knowledge that it was there, in the dark, roaming around the city, looking for something.

Fox had tried to pretend that he couldn't feel it, like some nights there wasn't a whisper pressing against his skin, like the longer the night went, the harder it became to ignore. He had tried, to no avail. Every time he could feel it coming, like there was something casting a shadow over them all, long before it would arrive.

The Long-necks didn't seem to know that it was there. There were no security measures against it, as far as Fox knew, and it had never came up in any of their training modules. But it was there, Fox knew it.

It was there again, right now. Fox listened to the drumming of the rain against the windows, baiting his breath, for any kind of noise coming from it, but there was only silence waiting in the middle of the pouring storm.

But it was there. Fox could feel it. It was roaming around the city, silently and endlessly, and it was looking for something.

Fox slid out of his pod, and quietly made his way through their room, and climbed up to the window.

There were almost no lights on at this hour of the night, only the loneliest signal light in the far end of the bridge, casting a harsh, red gleam at the hard ground. Fox could feel it there, somewhere outside of the reach of the light, coming closer. Slowly, but surely, it was coming.

Fox waited. He pressed the tips of his fingers against the window, and he waited, the pressure of it becoming ever more present against his skin, and there was a long moment there where Fox thought he forgot how to breathe.

Something moved in the room behind his back, and Fox glanced over his shoulder, just for a second, and when he turned back, it was there.

It stood just at the edge of the light, making a hard, black line over the red on the ground. It didn't look human. It looked almost nothing like all. It was a large, hunched dark mass of a being, like a cloack of skin had been draped over a mound of something, hiding whatever was under it.

The only things Fox could make out of it were its huge, long fingered arms, resting againts its sides, and the pair of small, white eyes at the middle of what he thought must've been its head.

Fox couldn't tell where it was looking, but he got the feeling that it was looking almost right at him. Just a moment, and it would see him there, looking at it.

He was cold. Very, very cold.

There was a hand on his shoulder, so warm that it almost scorched him, and Fox barely managed to swallow down the yell that was threatening to burst out of his throat. It pulled him away from the window, down towards the floor, and another hand joined it, grabbing Fox tightly at his wrist.

"What are you doing?" Cody hissed at him, forcefully tugging Fox against himself, locking him pressed at his side. "Don't look at it!"

Fox felt suddenly very, very afraid.

"I'm sorry", he whispered, strangled, as hot tears started to burn the corners of his eyes.

Cody only pulled him closer, pressing his head on top of Fox's and circling his arms behind Fox's back, like he was trying to shield Fox from it and everything else around them.

"Ponds alreadly looked at it", Cody whispered back at him, like Fox didn't already know that. Like Fox didn't know how it never left Ponds alone anymore, how it was always there, at the edge of his brother's dreams. Like Fox didn't know how Ponds was always cold, now. "I can't have you look at it as well."

"I'm sorry", Fox said again, and pressed himself tightly against Cody as he felt it there, felt it standing there, silently, looking. Looking for something.

For a brief, terrifying moment, Fox thought that it was looking for him.

--- ---

(Another version on AO3)

[rubyprototype]

Infinite thing™️ idk how to start actually saying:

Probably will turn into rambles! I just like him a lot and think about how his story is shown to us;

I don't think he ever had like a 'normal' childhood, or life for that matter. Considering he had a squad composed of the same species as him, who look very similar to him;

(sorry jackal fans I do NOT think they would all realistically look near exactly the same unless they were related, like look at the differences between the hedgehogs).

I think he was born into this, maybe not born into being a mercenary but at the very least he was born into being nomadic. But at one point or another it either became unviable ; or people got greedy and wanted to try for more, thus leading them to be mercenaries.

I think it's safe to say that he very clearly already didn't like the world, due to being raised oddly. (even if he wasn't, you don't just become a mercenary for fun; they needed money for some reason), so when he views his idealized version of the world and it's literally a barren wasteland..

I don't view it as inherently just for like. Evil purposes. (Though I'm not denying him being evil, he very clearly is)

The point I'm getting at is when this comic released and I kept seeing people be like "oh i can't believe he just left his squad-" HE DIDNT..... okay.... and this line specifically kinda tells you that.

They say "Don't be tempted, we'll be fine" OKAY. So the worry here, is that they WILL die. He doesn't want that! Why would he? What Infinite's being given right now, in his eyes, is ultimate power, and the insured safety of his squad. Sounds like a win-win on his part? And there isn't much room to negotiate.

People comment on this panel a lot; where he's seemingly nonchalant,

But I imagine it's him partially playing to cool, as to not worry his squad, or seem too desperate to Eggman. He believes what he's saying here; as established he doesn't like the world as is. Again, win-win situation. He didn't "ditch his squad" he saw a way to protect them and be given power the world literally has never seen....

That's also why I really hate the weak jokes people make about him, after taking a risky move he couldn't avoid, his entire squad gets killed off, then he is immediately told to 'clean up the mess they made' and go fight THE GUY who killed them

He literally says they're ANNIHILATED. Infinite does not get time to grapple with this at all before he's told

That his squad was USELESS. His family was USELESS. And now he has to face the person who killed annihilated them, without a second to process; and then after being beaten by THE ULTIMATE LIFEFORM. Is instead, spared, called weak, then told to never show his face again. His breakdown wasn't "Wash shadow called me weak :(" his breakdown was, "my entire family was just killed by this guy and now he has the audacity to call me weak, and then he's upset because, to him, he IS being weak.

He is THE ULTIMARE MERCENARY !!!! He did not expect the right to go the way it did, shadow literally teleported around him... with a title like that he had to be extremely skilled, and with the jumps he does in Episode Shadow right before the fight, I'm willing to believe that!

Fear clearly isn't an emotion he's used to feeling, and with his family dead, and his pride crushed now, it stacked and led into his breakdown. The rest of Episode Shadow is literally him talking about how he 'threw away his old self', the one who couldn't hold his own, who couldn't save the people he cared about. And, with nothing left to care about; he continues on with the war plans.....

I started rambling I simply think it's unfair to say he 'ditched' his squad, and it's unfair to just call him weak for a haha funny because he literally. Isn't? And never was in any capacity. And when people reduce him down to just 'guy who hates being called weak' it really just ignores all the interesting tidbits he does have, and that forces DID get to show us... even with minimum digging he has a personality that reaches beyond how I see him often portrayed.... he is so cool and I love him so much thanks

(I don't feel like putting a DNI on this but be normal....... thanks....)

[disquiet-dream]

deeply frustrating to realize i have the thought process of a fucking tsundere sometimes

very often flipping between feeling like i hate one of my friends (well, realistically multiple) and desperately needing to be around them more because of how much i love them

and like....

sometimes it fits the bill. i can't be that shocked.

but it really isn't charming, or cute, or funny at all in real life. it just kind of sucks.

i'm glad i'm good at not uh. expressing my emotions. but it's still not fun to feel them.

[rosesradio]

.

[timetravelingsherlockian]

The humor in Zoom (2006) is not a bug, it's a feature.

I've seen multiple posts that Zoom could've worked as something dark & gritty, highlighting the military-base & child abuse aspects of it. And how it's fucked up to send Jack out there to deal w/ his own brother that they irradiated.

Setting aside that I like Zoom as a comedy, that it was my introduction to superhero movies, and that there's much less of it that I'd change than many...

This story is a classic "use humor to cope" & exploring White & *male* trauma.

In the humor = benign + violation formula, the only way to make the military-base trauma "benign" to the child-soldier violation & take back the power form his situation is via childish, teenage-boy humor.

Jack talks like a bratty, angry, teenager b/c he's never gotten out of being one -- his body's practically frozen itself at normal speed, literally making it harder for him to move forward. It's telling that he's only able to regain his speed when he needs to rescue Cindy, the most innocent member -- Zoom (2006) is about reparenting after life-shattering trauma.

Dr. Holloway isn't the love interest just b/c she's the only woman in a lab coat -- her first major scene (after waxing on about her admiration of Jack's work) is how they're not going to use authoritarian techniques (v. Jack's 'get on the lead underwear' approach). She's the authoritative and supportive antithesis to his authoritarian thesis -- and she's right. It's only in adopting her authoritative approach that Jack's able to pull together the team. & it's raising this new team that they bond over. Dr. Holloway team mom > love interest.

Jack & Dr. Holloway get to do, at the end of the movie, what Jack needed as his younger self -- save his brother & get out with his family. & it's only by reclaiming his powers & accepting adult responsibility that he's able to reparent himself to that victory.

I remember a post of someone asking, "do Cindy's parents really love her if they just dropped her off at a military base?" My guess is that they do, but they're blinded to their White trust in military organizations. For a Tim "it's hard to be Conservative in the film industry" Allen to make this movie is notable -- the film begins w/ Jack asserting that the Zenith Program was "the worst thing that ever happened to him" and ends with him freeing his team & telling the military to fuck off.

[pipcoded]

is it weird that i don’t see the sexual assault/abuse I went through as a kid as the worst thing possible, like yeah it was bad and it shouldnt have ever happened, but like… i usually see this type of thing being perceived as causing you to be irreparably broken, and im not. And there were a lot of things that happened to me as a kid that i’d consider to be much worse

[transbee]

having did and being online in any capacity is so fucking exhausting because you literally can't go anywhere without seeing the most heinous takes about your existence or validity it's like. can we be normal. can we please be normal and Chill for like two seconds.

[tchotchkez]

the service is today and I am coping Normally (:

[acommonanomaly]

I’m so incredibly amused by the fact that we’ve now got two reformed villains in our campaign who are awkwardly trying to figure out how to live a normal life because my ridiculous bard/warlock, Heidan, has an endless capacity to love and accept people. I’m thoroughly enjoying playing a complex character who is both too damn cunning for his own good but also just so incredibly genuine that no one with any good in them can resist him. 

[howhow326]

... so are we ever going to talk about the fact that Pearl traumatized every member of the crystal gems or?

[bo0bydrake]

only thing that wouldve made the bear more accurate is at least 6 hours of b-roll of the kitchen staff yelling at the wait staff for no reason