#my tw fic doesnt have a lot of comments

[rapidhighway]

btw if you don't want to comment on fics because you don't know what to say just know that if you try and comment even if it's a short thing about one part of the fic or literally anything, you will actually get better at it. And you will actually start making mental notes while reading so you can write a nice comment, or even just scroll all the way down every time you want to say something and build an entire comment like that. The writers want to know what people think! ESPECIALLY if you enjoyed it!

[matthewmurdockswife]

My Story <3

Tw: suicide,Sh,self-hate

Hey yall so I never really talk about my personal life on here but i feel like I owe everyone an explanation.

Within the past two years I have recovered from SH, and an attempted suicide, it was half ass but it was still an attempt. I was playing fast and loose with my life because I thought there was nothing left of it. I hated myself and how I looked, How I always felt so depressed the way my relationships with friends and family always seemed to fall apart but most of all I hated myself.

Im not sure exactly when it happened but about one year ago I met someone. She had similar interests as me and understood me on a personal level and even though we had lived completely different experiences she was there for me. We started talking more and more and I found out she lived Hours away from me in a completely different country, but I accepted our distance and created our connection. She helped me see that my life was very much so worth living. This girl was harley @dwntwn-strnlo

About four months later the only friends I was talking with in person blew up on me with fake excuses about why we shouldnt be friends, one had stolen some of my clothes as well as some of my money. It hurt more not because they left me but because I trusted them and they betrayed me, They left me out to dry and I reconnected with an old friend from middle school, M.

M helped me to realize that my emotional connection to people isnt a downfall but my strong suit. My intense passion love and energy I give to the world only makes me more beautiful not more weak.

Then M introduced me to S. And S is the most kind and gentle and loving people ive ever met. She reflected me in every sense of my love for others. S helped me to realize that just because someone else doesnt agree doesnt mean I cant formulate and stand up for my own opinions.

The three of us became very close and talked nearly everyday. Im not sure exactly when or why, but one day I decided to pull out my phone and film one of our lunches. Me,M and S all really hit it off we loved being in front of the camera and it almost just felt like the camera wasnt even there.

So we kept filming and that night I went home to edit our very first video and I posted it on an old youtube channel. I touched it up and added pretty colours and tried to make it more asethetic and I stayed up all night working on that first video.

And it got 13 views. And a hate comment. And then youtube took it down. But we didnt care. We kept hussling and we never stopped filming and i havent lost passion in the past half year weve been filming, I even branched off to start my own youtube channel because I love it so much.

I know I dont share much with you all and you dont even know my name, but I felt that where I was today was something i needed to share. My group doesnt have very many subscribers and im okay with that as long as it means I get to keep doing something I love.

so unfortunately I have been putting a lot less time and a LOT less effort into my writing. Im in my senior year of highschool and its all or nothing. I really want to do youtube as a career but i understand the sucsess rate is low, I have a backup plan but ill never be as happy as I am when im in front of the camera filming one of our youtube videos.

So I wanted to apologize to those of you who have been waiting for me to post but its very unlikely that i will be posting many or frequent fics anymore im not saying Im stopping im just slowing down. Its been a rough couple of years but ive finally found something I can pour my heart into. I hope yall understand I love yall so much seriously youve given me so much support<3

Love,

matthewmurdockswife <3

Please never hesitate to talk to me about anything through my inbox or my dms <3

@dwntwn-strnlo @fenoy7 @sturnioloshacker @lvrsparadise @querenciasturniolo

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas <3

cw/tws for medical stuff, complex family relationships, discussion of death

so, for context, im a regulus black kinnie (itll make sense, give me a sec aha). ive got a difficult relationship with most of my family, but most especially my mother and older sister. my sister is a lot like our family's sirius (except if he still had walburga's narcissism, cruelty and manipulation), and she really doesnt get along with either of our parents. my mother is... a difficult woman, in that she likes to victimise herself in every situation, shes homophobic/transphobic/all the phobics, shes also very narcissistic, and likes to make uncomfortable comments without bothering to be nice about it. all in all, i try not to be around her much. im also supposed to be moving out soon, and planned to minimise contact as much as possible once i do.

to the point: my mother was diagnosed with cancer yesterday. my father (hes kind of a neutral party in the family dynamics, btw) was the one talking to me about it, since she's in hospital at the moment. he said they caught it early enough where a bit of chemo over the next few months should get rid of it and she'll be okay, but 'cancer' is a scary as fuck word. he also then told me that this isnt her first time with it — she had a different type of cancer around 20 years ago.

honestly, i feel like my brain is battling itself about how i should feel. on the one hand, ive been looking forward to not having to be around her now for years, and i hold very little love for her at this point. why should i care? she'll be fine at the end of it anyway. but shes still my mum, yknow? and i feel awful having these thoughts about how badly ive always thought of her and how much ive wanted for so long to get away from her and how it almost feels like this is some sort of sick fucking joke from the universe about how i should be careful what i wish for or something.

this whole situation keeps making me think about regulus in best friends brother(? i think thats the right fic) or p much any modern au where walburga dies so tbh ill probably end up writing a fic about it to cope, but still i just... i guess i needed to tell someone? my father asked me to keep it to myself for now so that it wasnt spread around where we live (its a small area; everyone knows everyone).

and the bit with my sister - as i said, she doesnt get along with our parents. i dont talk to her much anymore either because she seemed to inherit a lot of our mothers worst traits, but im afraid that if we do talk about this then she'll have some awful thing to say about it. she makes some really dark 'jokes' sometimes about suicide and death and such, and im nervous that she'll say something about how she hopes it kills her (again, my sister fucking sick, and has zero empathy), because shes made similar jokes about other stuff in the past. i also dont think she'd understand that im still afraid for our mother even after everything shes done, and i hate the way my sister turns on me and rips the piss out of me when she doesnt like what i do.

it all kind of circles back to how im supposed to feel, i guess. part of me wants to not care and brush it off, whatever, but theres still part of me dying for my mothers love and approval and is terrified of losing her, even with the low possibility.

sorry this got so long, and for how heavy it is. i hope youre doing well cas, and thank you for all you do for us <3

Hi hon!

My god, you ARE a reg kinnie.

Here's the thing- there is not a RIGHT way to feel about those things. You have a complex relationship with your mom, so of course you'll have complex feelings about the situation. You don't need to feel guilty for feeling any certain way, because there's no right or wring way to process this. You're allowed to feel scared and neutral and confused and ambivalent. That's okay!

Your feelings aren't a betrayal to anyone, and you have a right to them. You also have a right to any action you choose to take. Remember to do what feels right for YOU, because YOU are important.

I'm here if you ever need to talk <3

Naming you reg kin anon.

[blushstories]

hi! hope you're okay! :)

i just wanted to maybe explain a bit of the perspective of people who don't reblog stuff on here, not trying to justify anything because i'm aware that writers deserve to be recognized for their work and people should share it when they're able, but there are a lot of reasons why people don't reblog anything!

in my case i used to not reblog a lot if not at all because i read like 50 things a day and i felt like it would be annoying for the people that follows me to have their timeline full of my reblogs, especially because most of them were from different fandoms and had completely opposite interests, also it made me feel so anxious because there's stuff i don't want people to know about me that's maybe visible on the things i read (or at least it felt like that in my anxious brain) and i'm sure other people have other reasons and again, i know it's not fair and it doesn't justify anything, but everyone is different! as for me, now i reblog everything i read/enjoy, but it was really hard to let my anxiety about it go!

anyway, maybe this won't help at all and i'm sorry if it's inconvenient or upsetting!

i absolutely love everything you write and i hope i can read more of your work soon! :)

hello! thank you!

i do understand that perspective, and i absolutely can see those fears but i think it’s more than just being ‘recognised’, and i’ll explain why!

firstly, yeah being conscious of your followers is totally fair, however the beauty of tumblr is that you can make sideblogs, or tell your followers to blacklist/filter a specific tag so that their timelines arent clogged! even just queuing the posts gives a chance for them to scroll by if they want. ofc certain tws make sense to not share with followers who know you tho.

sometimes it isnt even about reblogs specifically; if someone left a comment or ask instead of a reblog that’s more than enough! the problem with just liking posts is that it creates a really consumerist experience on tumblr, which is first and foremost a blogging platform: so when i see empty blogs and their like pages are just full of fics i bluescreen a bit. these days, the like to reblog ratio of literally every artist (writer, fanart) is really really sad to see, their audiences just consume it without even sending a kind thought to the creator!!! doesnt that make your heart ache??

imagine a small town. everybody knows everybody, small businesses everywhere trading their own products to share the love and hyping up each other’s babies (their passions). that’s how i imagine blogs, and so when i see spam likes without reblogs, or a “part 2 when??!” when said person hasnt even commented before or reblogged, it transforms my blog from a community space where we share thoughts about blorbos into a product that only serves to entertain.

i really dont care about followers or note counts; i do care about having conversations with anyone who decides to hang around, if that’s a reblog chain or an ask or a comment thread then that’s how it is! we can talk headcanons or daydreams (within reason) or just generally chat!

i just cannot describe how crushing it feels when i open my notifs and only see likes. it makes me close the app straight away because there’s no one to interact with. also, it gives the message that someone read my fic, and liked it, but not enough to share it with their friends.

i hope that clears it up a bit more! it’s not a vanity or note count thing, if you comment or send an ask about a fic that’s exactly the same thing! thank you for reading and let me tell you i say this with nothing but love.

[ddsayu]

I think there is a correlation between different insterests that can and often go together for people writing nsfw fics: Rank, Size Difference, Economic Status, etc. nsfw can also flatten characters in order to focus on the sexy aspect rather than character building for a horny fic. It's kind of to be expected that the inertia of that is usually going to place Levi in a non-dominant position, so when you go into the spectrum of the more unusual kinks, like r*pe fantasies, it's going to be more common for Levi to be at the center of them. Having said that, I do think I have come across fics where Erwin is the center of r*pe/non-con. I usually avoid both of these fic types because they are not my cup of tea, and can sometimes indeed make me quite uncomfortable, but I do not get the impression they are meant to undervalue Levi's character. Levi's character is a tool for a narrative purpose, which gets me to my ultimate point: all characters are tools for a narrative purpose and you can't harm them. You can harm people, and that is what tags are there to help avoid. I have gone on comment sections to ask for specific tags and I understand that. But insulting writers, bullying them? Never. Moreover, I really do feel this hater(s?) wants an excuse to hate on Eruri writers as a whole. I get it, they don't like the ship, maybe they don't like the trends within the ship tag. As someone that likes Eruri, I don't like all the Eruri fic trends either, but I can just avoid what I don't like. Similarly, I would hope that this anon can learn that just because they like SNK or Levi and Erwin independently from each other doesnt mean they have to wage a war on shippers.

Hey Anon! Good to see you, have tea^^ You know, I'd say let people write whatever they want. I mean we have such great things like CW and TW. A while ago you had to go to the bookstore and could only read the backside of the book and had to decide if you may want to read it or not. I had it multiple times that I bought a book and then stumbled in it over a topic I didn't really want to read. Great, money wasted…

Non con in any kind of way is not my cup of tea but as we all have different tastes in food so we also have different preferences. I can decide and choose what I want to have on my “fanfic plate” and what not. But there is no use in shaming others for what they write. With such a thinking we get into the very dangerous territory of ignorance. If you keep that in mind it doesn’t matter if you flatten a character for NSFW purposes. I came across many fanfics which do that, some in a way that it still feels like the character, others where it feels off for me. If that’s the case i just close the fanfic and move on. There are a lot of great writers out there and many fics to read which hit the good spot. I honestly have neither the time nor the energy for hating them. I really hope also that the other Anon made their peace and looked into how to avoid triggering topics. I can’t imagine that it is a good feeling to have all that anger and hate inside.

Sincerely and lots of love to you, my sunshine^^

[bangtangalicious]

bts smut recs | theme: manipulation

there is something so alluring about the subtle naivety that comes with manipulation. from a reader’s perspective, seeing the character get manipulated/coerced/lured is super interesting to me. watching how they fall for the tactics of the person doing the manipulating. the way they use power, guilt, words and actions to twist the readers minds. here are some fics that do this so fucking well & why im literally obsessed with them. tw: yandere, manipulation, gaslighting, SMUT. 18+ nsfw. i will be adding to this as i find more!

—little lamb so pure let me taint you by @voidswan | this, and its sequel, both loss-of-innocence, manipulative masterpieces. CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. i read this multiple times a week because i can never get over it. taehyungs a lil sneaky bitch and is fucked up. its so well written how he plots and gets her to becoming willing. making her watch p*rn. confusing her. reader goes to him like ~can we do those things brother n sisters do~ fuck. bye. im deceased. | taehyung x reader

—happenstance by @chimoona | this is in my hall of fame of best fics ever. like the concept is super niche, ive never read anything like it. jimin lures oc with how he stalks her on twitter and promises her a manic vinyl. its done so well. the smut is extremelyyyyy hot. unparalleled. rough. this jimin has me weakkkkkk idk what it is like he just goes for it and its dizzying and brilliant. they have a little text exchange too and oc is hot for him and he teases her over it and the way his dialogue is im just - its just - really hot ok | jimin x reader —honey & milk by @cosmostae | im sure yall have already read this but i cannot understate how brilliant it is. the way tae just keeps going and oc has no idea whats going on but she feels so good aw byEEEE. a key manipulative action is to be like- let me do this- and push aside the consequences after. and he does this. and i love it. lol. | taehyung x reader —daddy 2 by @voidswan | if it isnt obvious already, i really like voidswan’s work. fucking AMAZING. literally one of the reasons i even got on this app. this story, the way jungkook just gets in her head ughhhh. and taehyung just rolls up like oh hey. looool. part 1 is awesome too, i like how jk doesnt expect her to be willing but he’s bossy and shameless and hot | jungkook x reader —loose ends by @scribblemetae | this was one of the very first yandere fics i ever read. and this is some of the best smut i have ever read in my existence as a breathing human. this is WILD and i fucking love it. jimin goes crazyyyyyy on oc and she takes it as she fucking should. they way he lures her in. she has no idea who he is from her past at first. amazing. | jimin x reader —a thriller film by @taechaos | i respect authors who are able to give adequate buildup in a oneshot, and this is a PRIME example. the plot sucks you in, its vindictive, thrilling, subtle but so sexy. again jungkook lures her in subtely. also the character (reader) is so interesting and unique in this idk. LOL its good go read it | jungkook x reader —let the villain win by @lemonjoonah | same thing- the build up is IMMACULATE. this joon. sinister. sexy. this is also a full ass thriller. very creatively done. the use of the book and how she reads it and the end while it happens is so fucking cool. i get goosebumps.  | namjoon x reader —cut by @deepdarkdelights | this is a yandere masterpiece. read that again. like this is the sort of yandere type i vibe with a lot. power dynamic manipulation. also my exhibitionist ass loves that they’re literally being watched by a room full of people and she just takes it and she likes it and ugh this actor!taehyung is sexy ok and like how the movie plot is his obsession too love that | taehyung x reader —allegiance by @taequois | i cant even put into words why i love this so much but its so good. the smut is fantastic. he just fucks her like, idk if this makes sense- but just how unexpected and surprised she is like contributes to why its hot. and then possessive!kook is a wholeeee mood in itself | jungkook x reader

if you know of any other fics that fit this subgenre // niche please feel free to send them in!! im always looking for new reads :) i will be posting more rec lists following other oddly specific tropes so that you can find fics you like :))))))))))) sorry if my comments are chaotic. lmao. have a wonderful day <3

[leafcabbage]

am i about to write an analysis of ycssgwtlfs!wilbur? yes. hi. it’s not very eloquent because i am tired and hot so feel free to ask questions and shit :] (tw mentions of self harm and general trauma)

wilbur wants to help. the base of his motivations with other people is that he wants to help them. but a quote from a conversation i was having with one of my friends is “one of wilbur's roles in this story is "right intentions, not quite right execution"”. 

starting with the records shop interaction between him and ranboo. that started out in a very genuinely positive way, wilbur recognizes that ranboo is having a sensory overload (he’s seen it in techno enough to know what it looks like), and brings them somewhere cool and quiet. that’s something that you might do for someone you just met. then he goes on to essentially say to ranboo “hey i used to self harm and i think that you are. i can help you.” if ranboo was self harming, that would not be an approach that would get him to open up OR make him feel comfortable. they just met him, he’s telling them something very personal, and he’s trying to establish himself as someone who can fix things for them. he has no context for the situation, and would have done much better to just be a kind person to them.

in the bathroom scene, we really only get ranboo’s pov (if people are interested i may write one from someone else’s), but it starts with wilbur assuming that ranboo needs what he needed when he was struggling, then he assumes he can help ranboo better than tommy and tubbo, who know them better, and then in his own concern (i dont want to say panic but the situation is worse than he expects) he suggests calling 911 in a very not chill way, which even if ranboo didn’t have trauma to do with hospitals, wouldn’t be the best move. i think it would make most people panic more. when his way of helping is unsuccessful, he loses all footing. 

ive said in comments multiple times that wilbur sees himself in ranboo, and that is very much part of the problem. he loses sight of the fact that they 100% need different things, because he assumes that their trauma or situation is like his, when it’s very much not (which i will explore in the next fic i think)

another quote from my conversation was “wilbur is still in the stage of recovering from his trauma/mental illness where he thinks he should be saving other people which is a sign that he has a long way to go”. from my experience (i am speaking personally btw not like everyone feels this way), when i thought that i could take the role of saviour/hero in other people’s struggles, i was far from healthy. wilbur doesn’t want other people to go through what he did, but he also wants to be the reason they dont. there’s still a level of selfishness there. (he is in therapy just btw though)

i want to be clear before i end this, i love wilbur. i love writing him, i think he’s genuinely a good person, he is doing his best with what he has, but he’s also 21 and had a pretty traumatic childhood/rough time as a teen because even with phil being so loving and supportive, it takes a lot to heal from that (and he obviously still hasn’t)

at the end of the day i could (and will if people want) write this kind of thing about every main-ish character in the fic, and at the end of the day i really want to write human characters, which means they mess up and dont excecute their intentions right and miscommunicate and hurt each other sometimes, and that doesnt make them bad, just makes them human.

this might be nonsensical but thanks for reading xoxo leafcabbage

[biorusted]

Precipice (Or: I could love you)

Out of the depths of my brine pool I come baring an actual, honest to God fanfic. And a smut one at that. 2020 is full of surprises.

Thank you @soulswimmr keeping my soul tethered to this mortal plane and for prof reading this fic.

Fandom: Satan and Me -- Pairing: GabeMike -- Words: 5510 (and no its not 10 pages of intercourse there are other things that happen)

If I had a AO3 account I would tag this fic as: Explicit! Panic attack tw, anxiety and depression tw, messy feelings, Hurt/Comfort, porn with plot, First times, cis gay sex, under negotiated kinks, (as in *slaps roof of fanfic* this baby can fit SO MUCH under negotiated kinks) light Bondage, light impact play, Dom/Sub tendencies, aftercare. yeehaw.

Summery: Michael accidentally confesses his love to Gabriel. Putting it lightly, it doesnt go well. But then Gabe shows up later that day and makes amends. (they boink)

Edit - 9/29 (michaelmas) Added a NSFW pic inspired by the fic (at the bottom)

Michael had no idea how he got here.

Well, no, of course he did; he was there when it happened. But to say that the day began with him nearly falling over the edge into despair to having Gabriel grinding up against him, pressing hot kisses to his neck and chest, toying with his body… well no one could have possible seen that coming. Except God, but he wasn’t really thinking of Him at this time.

Theres no way to track how This started. It could go back way before the Fall, to when Michael was first discovering that he liked Gabriel more than others. But that was normal, right? People had their favorites so why was this any different? Just because he leaned in closer whenever Gabriel spoke, or found him smiling like the sun whenever Gabe leaned up against him while they were on break, didn’t mean it was anything special. Besides, Gabriel had Anthea. Gabriel didn’t know he had Anthea at first, but Michael wasnt that blind. So he didn’t say anything to dissuade Gabriel from going after her. He didn’t encourage it either, though. Even after the Fall, he didn’t say anything, he himself just lost Lucifer so any chastising or encouragement would have been hypocritical, but eventually he’d thought that Gabriel would let go of her.

He never did though. And Michael never got rid of his feeling for Gabriel either. It grew, in fact. Slowly, like a vine coming around to choke the statues in the gardens, wholly unnoticed until there is nothing to do about it. Every laugh, ever tired roll of the eyes, every unexpected yawn would bring about a new leaf that would suffocate Michael if he wasn’t already doing everything he could to push his feelings down. He didn’t have time for whatever he felt for Gabriel. There were things to do on the surface, troops to train in Heaven and he, being the one on the pedestal, had to be perfect. And feelings were messy.

The point is, as much as he wanted to run his fingers through Gabriel’s curly red hair and kiss him on warm summer nights, he couldn’t do it. Would never do it.

And then the prophecy child came along. The end officially started, Michael got stabbed by his sister, contracted to a human, poisoned by his brother, sold off as a bartering chip to War, lost his physician, pulled some strings and brought a spirit back to earth, pulled some more strings to keep Gabriel from getting to irreversible trouble (but still had him sent to the tank for two weeks), finally saw God after years of radio silence, met his literal doppelganger, got formerly-mentioned-brother’s wings sent to him as sick gift and, quite frankly, was at the end of his rope. Everything was just happening too fast and no one seemed to care. The air was tight whenever he was with the other Archangels. It felt like he didn’t really know any of them anymore. Not even Gabriel, though his heart begged for that not to be the case.

Oh, right. Anthea had also died. So there’s that too. See? Messy.

All of that was basically to say, that when Gabriel made the snide comment that he, Michael, couldn’t possible know what it was like to truly love someone other than himself (which wasn’t even true, Michael did, in fact, hate himself immensely) Michael wasn’t planning to confirm or deny it.  However, after the initial shock – Did Gabriel really think him that heartless? – and feeling everyone’s eyes on him – all the other archangels were in the room, plus some other guards – he did answer. It came out like a holy confession, a whisper accompanied by searing hot tears.

I love you. He said.

Michael couldn’t breathe in the silence that followed, which made Gabriel’s laugh, a cruel sounding thing, even harder to take. Michael choked on air and when Gabriel turned to leave, but when he made to follow, maybe to explain himself more? To apologize? Anything but be alone with his thoughts or worse, alone in a room full of people, Gabriel slapped him.

Gabriel said something to him, but he didn’t catch it. All he felt was stinging on his cheek and embarrassment crushing his chest. Michael didn’t know how long he stood there, cradling his face and trying to think, but not comprehending anything around him, but eventually his brain caught up and he realized he did not want to be in that room right then. So, he ran.

--

Raphael had taught him some breathing techniques to help with panic attacks, but he couldn’t remember them. He guessed he actually had to breathe for them, which he wasn’t doing. All he was doing was sitting in a ball on the floor of his room trying to crush his feeling out. How typical of him, really, to fuck everything up. Now what? He had just cut ties with the only other person he felt a true connection with and now he was well and truly going to die lonely when The End came. That was always the plan; a murder suicide with Lucifer, but he’d thought there would be some pride when he went? Someone who he was fighting for? He didn’t know. He did know it was all his fault. Everything was his fault, no matter who he assigned blame to.

When he finally stopped crying, Michael sat very still. The apathy that came after such a strong release was always welcome. He breathed. And then he got up, washed his face and then went to his personal office to get some work done. He was nothing if not a good angel. Perfect in the eyes of the public.

Numb to everything that wasn’t directly in front of him, Michael actually got a lot done. The shuffling of paper and scratching of his pen was a pleasant relief compared to the chaos of his own thoughts that he was used to. He didn’t even hear the door to his office open, didn’t feel the presence of someone else in the room until they came to where he was organizing paperwork into the proper bins and gently grabbed both of his arms.

Oh, Michael could recognize Gabriel’s hands anywhere. They were hands he trusted completely with everything from a nice manicure to executing an offender of the faith. The only problem was he didn’t know what Gabriel was going to do with those hands. So, he stood completely still at Gabriel’s mercy for the second time that day.

“Turn around.” Gabriel said, taking the rest of the files from Michael and tossing them out of reach. Michael couldn’t discern anything from his voice, really only comprehending that he was very close to his ears, so, he did what he was told.

“Look at me.” he said next, as Michael found the trinkets on his desk a better study. When he didn’t listen, Gabe let go of the shelving he was pining him to and put one hand on the side of his face. It didn’t take a lot of pressure to tilt his head so their eyes met. It frightened Michael to see how stormy Gabriel’s eyes were. Dark, alluring, and troubled were not something he’d normally say about Gabriel, but now only those words applied. There was something else too, his jaw was clenched, as if he were holding his tongue, or arguing with himself.

Michael never got the chance to ask about it, because Gabriel leaned in, parted his lips, closed his eyes and kissed him.  The fog of apathy flushed out of him immediately and he felt everything; the warmth of Gabe’s hands on his cheek, the way his other hand lifted from the table and came to rest on his waist, the smooth silk of his own clothes against his body, heat coming from everywhere and, oh lord, his lips. The clouds couldn’t compare to the softness of Gabe’s lips on his, he could spend an eternity in this moment and it would never be enough.

The kiss (they’re first kiss), of course, did not last an eternity. It was only when Gabe moved away from him that Michael realized he didn’t close his eyes, or move towards him or do… anything. Kisses always looked magnetic, so why didn’t it fix everything between them? Michael felt a knot forming in his stomach and it only grew heavier as Gabe opened his eyes to gauge his reaction.

They were still standing so close that their breaths were shared. So, Michael only had to whisper when he said;

“I don’t understand.”

“Do you want to?” Gabe quipped back, tilting his head to the side. He was being completely serious.

“Wh-What?” He really wished his eyes were the bright emerald green they were usually.

Gabe’s grip on Michael’s waist tightened and the storm behind his eyes grew. “Do you want to understand?”

Of course he did. His cheek still burned from where Gabe hit him and the shaking anxiety from his panic attack never left completely, if he understood then maybe they really could make this work. Whatever this could be. Or he could fuck it up.

“No.” He said, and closed the gap between them.

Almost immediately he was shoved back into the shelving with Gabe’s hands clawing at his skin and teeth biting his lips. Heat rushed through his entire body as Gabe pressed up against him, ground up against him leaving his full intent out into the open.

God, since when could he move like that? Michael thought as he opened his mouth and let Gabriel’s tongue meet his own. Gabe’s piercing clicked on his teeth, setting off another wave of heat down his spine. He’d always wondered what it would be like to feel Gabe’s piercing in his mouth. One of his own hands slipped behind Gabe’s chiton and laid flat against his chest while the other raked through his hair. He almost wished Gabriel hadn’t cut his hair short, he would have love to pull on the curls, but the deep moan that came out of him made up for it.

Gabriel’s tongue was on his lips, and then his lips were on his jaw, kissing a line up and then down his neck, Michael could barely catch his breath, the way he gasped at every press of his mouth on sensitive skin. Even when Gabe slowed down to focus on a spot at the base of his neck, Michael didn’t complain, especially as Gabe’s leg pressed in between his own. Michael didn’t realize how hot his body felt, certainly didn’t realize how hard he was, how hard both of them were, but it was all he could think about as Gabe’s hands slid lower and started groping his ass, gathering the fabric of his skirt between his fingers.

Humans always made this stuff look strange, Michael didn’t get all the moaning and begging and crying out. The ‘losing control’ part never made sense to him either, but there was nothing controlled about the sounds he made now; broken whispers begging to be understood as wanting more. He wanted more of this, whatever this ended up being and he wanted Gabriel there to guide him through it all.

Naturally, that’s when Gabriel pulled away. Michael didn’t think he could fall for him anymore, but the vines he always compared his love to bloomed in such a vivid way. The messed up hair, the dilated pupils, the reddened lips, the way he dragged his eyes down every inch of him; it could have destroyed him and made him whole all at once.

“Tonight.” Gabe said. “I’ll meet you in your room.” It wasn’t a question, but it wasn’t a statement either.

“Yes.” He nodded, but when he felt Gabriel leaning away from him, asked “But why?”

He straightened himself up, making eye contact as he grazed his crotch and nodded towards his desk. “You still have work to do.”

--

The afternoon passed as quickly as he’d expected it to, which is not very quick at all. After getting himself fixed up, Michael found he could not possibly focus on anything other than events prior. It didn’t matter what he put in front of himself, all he could think about was how this whole thing wasn’t good. It’s exactly want he wanted in his deepest and most sinful dreams; a physical relationship with his millennia-long love—but he’d only let himself pin for a romantic one, chaste save for a few kisses. They both were angels after all. This… This wasn’t even love, he thought. Especially not in the way silence grew serious between them when they parted. Lovers didn’t do that… they talked at the very least.

No. This was lust. And he found that he was ok with it… he wanted to be ok with it.

Eventually he got up and left his office. The empty hallways of his home echoing his footsteps, he tried not to think about it. He paced around his room a bit, wishing Gabriel had been more exact about ‘tonight.’ Did he mean at sunset? Or closer to midnight? Were they just… going to get straight to it? Or… what? Was Michael expecting to be taken out on a date? Please. Gabe was probably just going to get off and then leave. He would be lucky if it was a mutual thing.

Still, he couldn’t stop thinking. How would it happen? Was he expected to do anything? How did Gabriel know how to move his body like that? Eventually, just about when he thought he’d lose it, Michael caved and looked up what to expect.

The internet was, as usual, very helpful, but by the end of his searching his mind was even more frayed than before. He decided to take a shower. A long one just to calm himself down and … maybe to… test some of the things he read.

By the time Gabriel arrived, Michael had taken a long shower, dried and dressed himself and even put on what he hoped was subtle perfume and straightened up his room. Everything was, hopefully, perfect. He was halfway through setting up two glasses of wine --because he did keep wine in his room now-- when the knock came.

“Come in,” He said casually, almost forgetting the situation they were in.

He heard the door open and close, but there came no greeting, so when Michael turned around to make sure he wasn’t dreaming, he was surprised to find Gabriel outright staring at him. He looked the same as he did before, except now he carried a bag with him. Michael, however, did dress up. Or down. It depends on how you look at it. He still wore his chiton, but in a more traditional way that showed off more of his chest and thighs. He also wasn’t wearing anything underneath.

He swallowed and turned back to the wine, wishing his body didn’t blush so much under Gabriel’s intense stare. But he faced it again, this time with a bottle of wine in his hands.

“I thought that we could have a drink?” His voice faltered and he stood rather awkwardly and small.

That seemed to break Gabe out of his trance. He dropped off his bag on the bed and approached him with an even gaze. Stopping right in front of him, he took the bottle from his hands and set it down.

“No… No more wine.” He said in that deep tone that put butterflies in his stomach. Upon seeing his reaction, Gabe added, “I’d rather have you right now.”

And to that Michael could only say one thing.

“Please.”

--

And now here they were, Gabriel leaving bite marks and hickeys on his neck while he pushed up against him so that every nerve was on fire, begging for more. Michael twisted and strained on the ropes tying his wrists to the bedposts, trying to catch his breath. But whenever he did manage a moment clarity, Gabriel would do something else to make him jump and moan beneath him. He was playing with his nipples now and dragging his fingernails down his sides. He still hadn’t taken off his clothes yet, but by now they might as well be ruined, soaked through with each other’s sweat and precum. Michael moaned again as Gabe slapped his thighs, by now he wasn’t afraid of being loud, he wanted Gabe to know exactly what he felt.

“Please.” He begged again, not expecting an answer but praying for one anyway. His legs shook underneath Gabe’s firm hands as he kept them pressed to the bed, no matter how many times he coaxed Gabe forward, to rub their cocks together, for any friction at all, he still denied him.

“Please, what?” he said into his ear, “Aren’t I giving you everything you want?” The honey in his voice made Michael shiver.

“Yes, God yes! But please… fuck- please touch me. I need you.” He captured his lips again for a messy kiss.

Gabe pulled away. “Greedy, much?” He kissed a line down his body, then above his navel, “You really are a whore.”

Michael gasped as the sash at his hips was untied and thrown aside. His whole body throbbed with need at the silent promise. “Only for you.”

Gabe lifted the remaining fabric and breathed in the wet spot where his precum soaked through. “Is that so? All of this is for me?” He gently pulled the fabric away from his body, finally leaving Michael bare and spread wide for him. His dick fully erect, leaking and red, begging for release by any means.

Michael shifted under his gaze, looking down on him like he owned him. He only hoped he looked as beautifully desperate as Gabriel did. “Of course.”

Gabe nodded and took off the rest of his own clothes. His hands traveled up and down his glistening tan body, fulfilling a desire that Michael wished he could do instead. How many times had Michael wanted to run his fingers up and down the curves of Gabriel’s toned body? He couldn’t remember at that moment. If he didn’t like his wrists being tied up so much, he might have asked to be untied.

When he got to his dick though, he only traced light lines with his fingertips, moaning and biting his lips in pure ecstasy. It was a sight to behold, the lines of precum hanging on his fingers, the trail of ginger hair cropping his dick. ‘Heavenly’ could hardly cover it.

Michael let out a groan and Gabe stopped, a ghost of a smile on his lips.

“My eyes are up here.”

“Fuck me already.”

That earned him another slap on the inside of his thighs, he bucked and noted the way his cock bounced in the air. Did everything have to be so erotic? Gabriel reached back to the bag he brought, the one that also had the rope, and pulled out a small bottle of lube and a condom. Now that they were on track, Gabe wasted no time in slicking his fingers up, propping up Michael’s legs and sliding said fingers up and down his ass, even grabbing his balls for good measure. Michael thought about biting into his own arm to stop from crying out too loud, but instead just lifted his legs higher. The house was empty anyway.

Gabe let out a satisfying hum and pressed a finger inside him. It felt as strange as it did when he practiced in the shower, but god was it so much better.

“Take deep breaths. I’m just stretching you out now.” He said, smiling to himself and kissing Michael’s calf. “It would be a shame if you finished now.”

“It wouldn’t be my fault. I didn’t know how much you liked teasing.” Or slapping or bondage or powerplay or literally anything. Then again, he himself didn’t realize how much he’d like those things too, much less being on the receiving end. He took a deep breath. And another. Then, the question that was haunting him slipped from his mouth. “How do you know how to do this?” he blurted out.

“Hm?” Gabriel looked away from him, suddenly abashed, as if he wasn’t massaging his asshole for his pleasure and use. “I uh. I watched some videos.”

And to that Michael laughed, more genuine than he had in a while.

“What?” Gabe took the opportunity to insert another finger, stopping his laughter with pain and pleasure. How cruel!

“Nothing! I just…” He turned his head to hide his face in is arms. “I watched some videos too.”

“Really?” The quality in his voice changed. It had been changing from when they made out in his office to now… it felt like they were talking normally with each other, like friends… or, well, like lovers. It helped that he was smiling now, not quite a joyful or mischievous smile, but a quaint one. As if they both were taking each other in with a new light.

“Yeah… I practiced some too.” He could share that, right?

“Oh… did you…?”

“No. I was… saving that for you.”

“Oh.” Was all he said, hiding his quiet delight behind adding in another finger inside of him.

They stayed like that for a while, Gabe stretching him out gently while Michael sighed and kept his breathing relaxed. Gabe never pushed his fingers in deep, even though Michael thrusted his thighs up, trying to convince Gabe to finger fuck him a little. After a few minutes, Michael was craving for something thicker and longer. Even so, he was not ready for how cold, empty and gapping he’d feel when Gabe’s fingers left him.

“Ready?” Gabe asked as he slid the condom on and poured more lube onto his hand. He bit his swollen lips and he slicked up his shaft; he wasn’t the only one that was denied.

“More than.” He angled himself up more and welcomed Gabe’s steady hand bracing on his red thighs. There was a moment of blissful silence as Gabe lined himself up, only broken by the feeling on his head pressing up against his hole and pushing in. They both moaned.

Gabe was gentle going in, pushing forward and pulling back bit by bit. His whole body jerked as he guessed his prostate was hit, he read that it felt like sparks shooting across the body and by God was that right. He rocked his hips up even harder now. Michael had never felt so full, never felt the need to be, but when Gabe bottomed out and rutted against his hips, he felt as if he’d need this the rest of his life. Is this what it felt like to be truly connected? To be full and content with your lover? It felt cheesy to even think, but he imagined soulmates felt like this.

Michael moaned even louder as Gabe pulled halfway out and slid down faster. Again and again he felt sparks as his lover’s wet hips slammed into his own. The noises they made were obscene and only made worse when Gabe leaned over him to get a better angle. Now he could feel Gabe’s hot breath on his face and see just how gone he was, which made the heat pooling in his own stomach twist and flood his senses. This was started to be too much.

“Touch me!” He begged, straining on his wrists again. “Oh, please I want to come. Please let me come.” He had to have this, he’d waited so long; Michael needed this.

“Oh fuck.” Gabe moaned and leaned down to bite at his neck once more. “Beg for me. I’m so close.”

“Please, Gabriel, I wanna… I wanna feel you come inside me, I want your hands pumping my dick until I scream. I want you. I need you Please. Please. Please!”

Michael’s breathy cries grew more erratic along with Gabriel’s pace. The wet slapping of skin filled the room until Gabe cried out and shook with his orgasm. Michael pushed up against him, writhing around his partner’s twitching cock, until Gabe collapsed onto him and gasping for breath, oversensitive and spent.

“Fuck.” He gasped as he lifted himself up and crashed his mouth on Michael’s. His lips screamed desperation. His hands trembled as he grabbed Michael’s cock and pumped at a horrifically fast pace. Michael gasped against his mouth and bucked, arching his back as much as he could. When his orgasm hit, he froze, coming quickly in Gabe’s hand before opening his eyes again and melting into the bed. Only then did Gabe slide out of him and collapse. He couldn’t breathe for a moment, and then the only thing he could do was breathe. His mind and body spent.

They laid together for a few minutes, Gabe resting on top of him, both of them basking in the afterglow. Michael felt sticky and sore and empty but didn’t feel like moving, and honestly, if they laid like that for the rest of the night, he would be completely fine with that.

As if reading his thoughts, Gabriel kissed his jaw and lifted himself up. How he went from blitzed out to composed Michael couldn’t guess, but he noted the way Gabe still trembled. “We should… clean up.” He emphasized this by taking his hand—still covered in Michael’s cum – and dragged his tongue up his index finger. He made a face and shrugged, “It doesn’t taste that good.”

Michael huffed. “I’m sorry I’m not made of sugar.”

“Hm. But those noises you made were so sweet.”

Michael rolled his eyes. “Untie me, please.” He didn’t thing he could play anymore games.

“Just a second.” He peeled off the condom and made to get off the bed.

“Where are you going?” A bolt of dread shot up his spine; he wasn’t leaving, was he? Not tied up to the bed and out in the open?

“Bathroom, Michael. Getting a towel and washing my hands. Also, you’re sticky.”

“And whose fault is that?” he tried shove his anxiety back into its box.

He didn’t get a reply, just a hum and a good view of Gabe’s back side as he walked to the room adjacent and cleaned himself up. He wasn’t even out of sight, keeping the bathroom door wide open, but Michael still felt tendrils of doubt writhe in his chest.

He put on a smile as he walked back holding two warm towelette—because yes, Michael had towelettes on hand. They’re nice to have— He was still surprised when Gabriel cleaned him instead of just untying his wrists and letting him handle his own ‘sticky’ body. Somehow this seemed more intimate than what they just finished doing, especially how gentle Gabe lifted his legs to get a better angle. The warm towel felt wonderful on his abused butt and dick, more so than he thought it would. After getting his lower half he used the other towelette to press on his neck, which had much the same effect. Michael didn’t think that a warm towelette would make the deep bite marks and bruises heal right away, but it was like a gentle kiss. He didn’t think Gabe would be so kind to him.

“Whats wrong, Michael?” Gabe’s calm voice cut through the silence. He didn’t meet his eyes as he asked.

What should he say to that? Everything was wrong, they just—they just had sex! They didn’t even talk about it before hand they just… did it! And this morning he was pretty sure Gabe hated him and Michael… he didn’t know what he wanted to do with anything. No one could find out, he was sure of that… but did that mean he had to forget this whole night happened? All in all his life was falling apart! He didn’t want to push his last lifeline away.

“I’m fine.” He smiled. He tried not to panic as the mood shifted over Gabriel. He could see the clouds over his eyes again. Shit shit shit of course he’d ruin it. “I-“ He started, frantically thinking about what would make this right. “I just want you to stay.” Pathetic.

That seemed to work, though it hurt to say, but he didn’t get an answer right away. Instead, Gabe moved up to his arms and finally undid the rope. Michael hissed as he moved his freed wrists again.

“Oh, I brought something for that.” Gabe said, reaching for his bag once again. He produced a bottle of lotion and applied some to his hands before taking one of Michael’s and massaging it. It felt good, though much like the towel still at his neck, he didn’t think it would do much. They fell into a lull again. Michael felt as if he could fall sleep, if not for the unanswered question weighing on his mind.

“What do you want to do with the cover?”

“Hm?”

“The duvet is… wet.”

“Oh… just throw it to the ground, I’ll clean it tomorrow.” Or he’ll just burn it, whatever.

“Ok.” Gabe let go of his hands and began to pull back the blanket beneath them. Ideally, they should have taken it off beforehand, but they weren’t really thinking logically then, just about how to make each other shake with pleasure. Michael sat up and helped kick the thick blanket to the ground. His ass hurt and his whole body was sore, scratched up and bruised, but at least he was clean-ish. He had honestly never felt so… exhausted before. Satisfied but still so wanting. Maybe he was a selfish whore. He pulled back more blankets from the front of the bed and crawled underneath him, not caring to put on clothes or turn off the dim lights still illuminating his room.

He closed his eyes and tried to focus on the heaviness he felt all around him versus the sounds of Gabriel sliding off the bed and walking away. It didn’t really work, he still felt hot tears behind his eyes and tried biting the inside of his lip to keep from making noise. If Gabriel wanted to leave, then who was he to stop him? He knew this wasn’t good. He should be happy that he got to have sex with him at all. A check off the bucket list and all that.

But he didn’t leave. Michaels eyes snaped open as he felt a thumb wipe away his tears. Gabe was hovering above him, looking somewhere between tired and concerned; he’d just turn off the lights. Michael wanted to laugh because of how ridiculous he was being. Or cry.

But he didn’t. He shifted over and let Gabriel slide under the covers with him. It was awkward, they were both naked and wasn’t sure how get comfortable like this, but they soon settled down where Michael was laying on Gabe’s chest and they were tracing shapes on each other’s arms.

He was about to drift off when Gabe muttered, half to himself, “I could love you.”

That didn’t feel as bad as it could to Michael. “That’s all I need.” His words slurred together before he dropped into darkness. He’ll deal with everything else tomorrow.

--

Gabriel didn’t know why he did this anymore than Michael probably did. All Gabe wanted was a release, something he thought he could only have with Anthea. A stress reliever, maybe. A good fuck before the world went to shit. He tried to ignore the darker thoughts he had that day, where he pushed Michael over the edge and left him to shatter on the ground. Or the ones where he’d hurt Michael outright to finally get across all of the hurt he’d experienced at his now-lover’s hands. But there was something—a spark? – when they kissed, and a shift when they actually talked to each other. No masks, no pretenses. Just feelings; whatever they happened to be.

And Gabe remembered how Michael used to be. Fun, genuine, loving. He remembered the quiet nights where they watched the sky and how Michael would, very obviously, check him out. The way he always seemed to prefer either him or Lucifer. This whole thing was ridiculous; of course Michael loved him, it was so obvious. So why did Gabe react like that this morning? He didn’t know. He didn’t want to think about it anymore than he already had.

Gabe wasn’t lying when he said he could love him, but he wouldn’t lie and say that he loved him now. His heart was recently broken and, the tattoo of Anthea’s name was barely over a month old. Before today, he believed it too soon for anything new. Obviously, another part of him disagreed, but he would save those thoughts for another time. Gabriel kissed Michael’s head and fell asleep with him in his arms. He’ll have to see what the next day brought.

____

a doodle:

[thestuckylibrary]

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diurnaldays said:

I can't seem to find this one stucky soulmate AU that interwove fictionalized historical documents and academic papers into the narrative as a form of worldbuilding? And a scene early into the fic depicted Steve talking to a priest about a grieving ritual he could undertake now that he'd lost his soulmate (Bucky). There was also a major plot point where Steve used his soulmate bond to help the Winter Soldier recover his memories and become Bucky again.

princessniitza and Anon sent in The Ties That Bind by Odsbodkins (complete | 26,609 | E )

Anon 1 said:

Hello, I can’t seem to find a stucky fic where in post-WS, Bucky can’t figure out why Steve seems to be avoiding him or being strained around him, only for him to suddenly remember breaking Steve’s heart the night before he shipped out so Steve wouldn’t be left missing him and possibly never moving on. After confronting Steve with this they make up and its happy! I really remember loving it but I can’t find it for the life of me! Hope I have enough detail!

dolphinqueen10 sent in Remember Me by prisma134 (oneshot | 18,040 | M)

Anon 2 said:

Hi I’m looking for that fic after TWS where at Steve’s house/appt Bucky has relapses into the Soldier, but every time Steve sees it happening he acts like he isn’t a threat. He changes his body language to relaxed, he doesn’t go defensive, etc. Eventually Bucky realizes what is happening but it works anyway??

dolphinqueen10 sent in No Such Thing as Fighting Dirty by leveragehunters (Monkeygreen) (oneshot | 3,878 | T)

dreamsbeyondlife said: (dubcon/noncon)

Hey, do you guys know the fic where Bucky asks Steve for things by having sex with him? Bucky thinks Steve is his handler and that they have to have sex so he can get "rewards".

possibleplatypus sent in Uberrima Fidei* by asocialconstruct (oneshot | 3,075 | E) *rape/noncon, htp

capnstverogrs said:

hi! im looking for a fic where after steve’s mom dies, who works as a nurse, erskine adopts steve and he tried to go through med school but just wanted to do art? and so he does medical illustrations but then his boss peggy makes him go deal with the house erskine left steve when he died which he doesnt address until 4 years later or something

abarbaricyalp sent in Through The Woods by alby_mangroves, recalibrates (complete | 64,082 | E)

Anon 3 said:

Hey! I've lost a fic and I'd appreciate any help in finding it. It was a oneshot smut piece, from Bucky's pov. Steve is lying on a couch and acts all indifferent while Bucky basically gets off on top of him? It's only an act and he's actually turned on as well, which is revealed after Bucky's orgasm. It had definitely post-serum Steve, and I'm fairly certain it happened in avengers' tower, but it might also have been modern au piece.

possibleplatypus sent in raise the flag by mcwho (oneshot | 957 | M)

Anon 4 said: (infidelity)

Hi! I’m looking for a fic where Bucky and Steve are getting married, but Steve meets Peggy when he is taking dance classes for the wedding and she’s the instructor, and he starts having feelings for her. Stucky ending though. And I think I remember Steve not having the serum and it all being set in an alternate 1930s universe where gay people could get married. And I think Bucky’s family owned a furniture shop?? And Steve’s mum was dying. Hope you can help, cause I have tried everything :(

Anon 5 said:

Hi! I have been searching for a Stucky fic I read a while ago (can't remember if it was here or Ao3) but one of them is a struggling artist, and they meet when their art is blown into the road and the wealthier one helps them pick it up and they start a sugar daddy type relationship. If you could find it, it would be amazing!

Anon 6 said:

hi! I'm looking for a fic that's post winter soldier and at one point Steve and Bucky are in one of Bucky's old safehouses and Steve wears pearls he found there while they have sex I'm sorry this is so vague thx for the hard work

Anon 7 said:

hey! I'm looking for a wrong number fic where steve accidentally calls bucky for advice on how to flirt with the cute guy at the bar but it ends up being him?

bennettmp339 and dolphinqueen10 sent in Slide To Answer by relenafanel (series, complete | 13,064 | T)

Anon 8 said:

Thank you for this amazing resource! I’m looking for an AU fic in which a WinterSoldier Bucky is on a mission & meets up with a teenage BlackWidow Natasha whom he trained & she’s trying to impress him but also angry & rebellious. I remember she surprises him by climbing into his car & he comments on her choice of clothing; a bright puffer jacket that clashes with her hair.

Anon 9 said:

This is a very specific ask, but earlier today I started reading a oneshot in which Bucky was suffering from PTSD and something happens that triggers the winter soldier memories. I had literally only just started and I accidentally closed my browser. Could you please help me find it? I think it had something to do with some song too. Thank you so much.

Anon 10 said:

Hi there, a while ago I read a fic where Cap!Steve becomes a really good cook when he wakes up in the 21st century bc all the food is new and all the Avengers are really surprised that he likes to cook. I think he visits a restaurant in koreatown nyc a lot? Hopefully you can find it, thanks!

princessniitza sent in The Way to a Man's Heart by Niitza, whatthefoucault (oneshot | 43,837 | T)

shadow-of-a-whisper said:

I'm looking for the Stucky fic where Winter Soldier breaks into a woman's apartment to wait for Steve to show up. She was the owner of the truck Steve and Nat "borrowed" to go to Camp Leahigh, which was presumably blown to smithereens. WS knows Steve will visit her to try to pay for the truck. When he does show up, she tries to warn him. There's a dramatic angsty reunion where nobody gets hurt.

Anon 11 said:

hey sorry, i have two fics in mind that i can’t for the life of me find. there was this one fic where steve gets eaten by rats, that’s all i can remember sorry. and the other was one where steve used to go to a bunch of gay bars and stuff and i think he had a drag queen friend named marlene? i’m p sure him and rohdey dated for a lil but and i think it had pepper/tony/rohdey

awolfnamedaliac and Anon sent in the Kept Boy* by moonythejedi394, Neutralchaos (WIP | 203,653 | E) *rape/noncon, sex work, heed the tags

[ao3feed-joenicky]

by firefliesandstarlight

when andy dies, nobody knows what to do. she’s had years, decades, even, to grow old with her team, her family, though they did not grow old alongside her. not physically. two thousand years is a pretty good run, though. andy lived well, and died as she lived.

or: a quick fic abt the team remembering andy after she's gone

Words: 775, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Andy | Andromache of Scythia, Nile Freeman, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani, Nicky | Nicolo di Genova, Booker | Sebastien le Livre

Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolo di Genova, theyre not really the focus but i figured i should tag them anyway

Additional Tags: Post-Canon, technically the major character death thing doesnt actually happen in the story, but there is a lot of mention of death so tw death, i have no idea what else to tag this uh, Minor Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolo di Genova, Major Found Family Vibes, they just have a relaxing day remembering Old Times okay, they deserve peace and happiness and u cannot change my mind, aight i think thats it, i promise i'll write one thats not this uh angsty at some point, first work for tog so lmk what u think! comments/kudos appreciated

[lilfellasblog]

Can I Still Be Part of the FamILY? - Virgil’s 2019 Name Reveal Fic!

Summary: YouTube viewers are getting a little too good at theorizing. Virgil’s certain that once his famILY learns of his past, they’ll force him to go back.

A/N: If you liked this, please reblog. It is the only way to help this fic reach a wider audience. Tumblr ate most of my fics that I know I posted here, which makes me very sad for a lot of reasons, one of the biggest being that the love and comments and tags that folks showed this fic is gone into the ether. I’ll be making a masterlist to help prevent this from happening again.

TW: Deceit mention, description of panic attacks up to passing out, some negative self-talk. Let me know if I missed any!

Word Count: 1767

AO3 here!

Fic Masterlist here!

Virgil observed as Thomas scrolled through the YouTube comments.

“I can’t wait to see the newest Dark Side! Theorists, assemble!”

“Okay okay, so y’all remember Virgil’s time on the stand? I think the secret he’s hiding is that he was a Dark Side! Think about it. He got new clothes when he was accepted in the Hogwarts video, Deceit and Virgil obviously have a history that the other Light Sides don’t know, and if the Light Sides don’t know it then how could he have kept it a secret? The Light Sides know Deceit, but didn’t know the relationship between him and Virgil? SUSPICIOUS.”

“i totally agree…… virgil didnt start out in the sanders sides series……. hes hiding something…… that he doesnt want thomas or the light sides to know……..”

“I’m going to add on to this. I think Virgil is STILL a Dark Side and never truly became a Light Side. He only got accepted once the other sides saw how important he was to Thomas. He’s just a flight risk. Virgil’s working with Deceit and/ or the other Dark Sides and doesn’t like Deceit, but he needs Deceit so he can keep the secret from the real Light Sides and Thomas.”

“Wait, Thomas is GAY?”

The rest of the comments were similar. Virgil felt his chest constrict as he pulled back from the front of Thomas’ mind. He huddled in his room, attempting to keep the anxiety he was sending the YouTuber to a minimum.

They can’t know, he can’t know, he can’t know!!! Oh god, they’re gonna reject me, they’re gonna send me back, I can’t go back!!! I can’t, I won’t survive it!! I love them so much!!!

Virgil barely registered his breathing picking up, his diaphragm crushed by the tense position he was tightly curled into. He started to sob, but soon ran out of air. His lungs were burning as they were starved of oxygen, and he could smell and taste copper.

I’m going to miss them. It’s going to hurt so much when they kick me out. I love them. I love them all. Thomas, I’m so sorry…

Virgil’s final thoughts were images of the Light Side’s faces that he’d never get to see again.

////////////////////////////////

Patton jolted out of his nostalgic reverie when he sensed Thomas in distress. Looking out, he saw Thomas in front of his computer trying not to have a panic attack. Patton quickly rose up a few feet away from Thomas and gently called his name. Thomas jumped so hard he hit his knees on the bottom of the desk.

“Ow. S-sorry Patton.”

“It’s okay kiddo. Think you can breathe with me?” Thomas nodded. “Great! In for one, two, three, four. There you go Thomas you’re doing so well. Hold for one, two, three…” Patton stayed with Thomas and helped him with his breathing exercises until he was feeling better, worrying the entire time about Virgil. I need to go check on my little shadowling!

“Do you know what triggered it?”

Thomas shook his head. “No, I was just reading comments about theories and stuff, and I felt a little panicked for a half hour, and it just got a lot worse. Are you okay Patton?”

“I’m fine kiddo.”

“Oh my god, Virgil!!”

“I’m just about to go check on him. Will you be okay by yourself?”

“Yeah, I think I’ll be fine. I’m gonna take a break.”

“Good idea! Summon me if you need anything son!”

“You’re not my-” The rest was cut off as Patton sunk out. He rose up in the hallway that had each of their bedrooms. Logan and Roman were just coming out of theirs to see what the commotion was about.

“Thomas had a panic attack. I’m going to go check on my dark strange son!! Will you come with me?” Patton asked, flashing his puppy dog eyes.

“Of course!! If my dark knight is in peril, I will save him!” Roman declared, moving into his dramatic pose and holding the position.

Logan just stared at Roman in awe of the extra for a moment before shaking himself and turning to Patton. “I, too, would like to assist Virgil if he is in distress.”

“Awwww yay!!! All of my kiddos working together.”

“Actually, we are all close in age and you have not-”

“OFF TO VIRGIL’S ROOM!!!”

Patton giggled. “That’s the spirit Roman!”

Once they got to Virgil’s room, Patton knocked on the door. “Kiddo? Are you okay in there?”

Not hearing a response, Logan had to put a hand on Roman’s shoulder to keep him from kicking the door in.

Patton knocked again, a little louder this time. “Virgil? Can you hear us honey?”

Still not receiving a response, Logan had to tighten his hand against Roman’s pulls.

“Virgil might be in danger!”

“His door may also be unlocked. Patton, if you will?”

Patton opened the door with ease. Logan let go of Roman’s shoulder, who gripped the handle of his sword. Patton looked around the dark room, not seeing Virgil right away. Roman scoured the room, looking for threats. Logan spotted Virgil first, a small shiver and quiet whimper drawing his attention to a mass of fabric on the ground.

“Oh Virgil,” Logan breathed as he strode over to kneel in front of Virgil. Virgil didn’t respond, so Logan hesitantly reached out and pulled the hood down. He heard Patton and Roman gasp behind him; Virgil’s face was streaked with tears and makeup, and his face was red. Patton knelt down next to Logan and started brushing his fingers through Virgil’s hair.

“Kiddo? Can you hear me? Come on, it’s time to wake up sweetie. It’s okay honey,” Patton cooed gently, trying to wake his shadowy songbird. After a few minutes and much to the relief of the Light Sides, Virgil began to stir. He blearily opened his eyes and flinched when he saw the other Sides so close to him.

“Shhhh, it’s okay kiddo. You’re safe.”

Virgil’s eyes widened. “Thomas!!”

“He’s okay kiddo.”

Virgil’s breathing began picking up and his tears started flowing again as he remembered how this was likely the last time he’d ever get to see the Light Sides and they’d hate him and-

“Virgil, may I touch you?” Logan asked.

Virgil jumped but nodded. Logan took Virgil’s hand and pressed it to his own chest.

“We’re going to do some breathing exercises now Virgil. First, please exhale so you have room for new air.”

Virgil thought it was a little strange, but cooperated.

“Excellent. Now breathe in for one, two, three, four…” Logan led Virgil through ten minutes of breathing exercises until the only thing cluing them into his distress were his tears.

“My dark prince, what troubles you?”

Virgil bit his lip. “Nothing,” he mumbled.

“Kiddo, you know that lying is wrong,” Patton gently reminded. They noticed the full-body flinch, which immediately made Patton feel terrible. He decided to switch tactics.

“It’s okay sweetie, you know you can tell us anything. You’re famILY!!!”

This only brought more tears from Virgil. Patton frowned, confused and a little hurt. Does he not consider us famILY? Did I do something wrong?

“Virgil, Patton is correct. You are a part of our family, and I sincerely doubt that anything you say can change that.”

“Indeed! We shall never forsake you!”

“Never say never,” Virgil muttered under his breath. Logan tilted his head.

“You believe that whatever is troubling you will cause us to no longer consider you a part of this family?” Logan asked.

Virgil responded by curling in. Patton gasped in horror.

“Nothing you say can make us stop loving you!” he cried.

“I USED TO BE A DARK SIDE!!!” Virgil shouted in his tempest tongue.

A silence fell over the room for several moments. Virgil curled in and started crying in earnest.

This is it, they don’t love me anymore, they hate me, they-

“We know Virgil. What about that did you want to tell us?” Logan asked.

Virgil froze. They knew? They knew? How did they know? How long? Virgil let out a particularly anguished sob at his next thought. Has this all been fake?

“Oh sweetie… can I hold you?” Patton asked. Virgil couldn’t help but nod. Patton tenderly pulled Virgil into his lap, kissed the top of his head, and rubbed his back.

“Shhhhhh, it’s okay baby, you can tell us in your own time.”

Virgil sniffled. “Th-that was w-what I wanted t-to tell you.”

Patton made a confused noise in his throat while Roman joined the other three Sides on the ground and gently placed a hand on Virgil’s shoulder.

“Virgil, we know you used to be a Dark Side.”

Virgil froze, then barked out a humorless laugh. “So why haven’t you chased me back to the Dark Side?”

Roman gaped. “Why would you think I would do that?!”

“You hate the Dark Sides!!”

Roman sucked in a breath. “Virgil, I… I’m so sorry.” Virgil braced himself. Here it comes. Can a Side die if it gets stabbed by a sword? “I should not have treated you so cruelly when I was first getting to know you. You are so valuable to me now, as a co-worker, and as a friend. I… I am so terribly sorry that my biases caused you so much harm, but I do consider you one of us.”

“Roman’s right!! You’re my kiddo now!!”

Logan flipped through a few flashcards. “As the hip say, “We been knew”.”

Despite his fears, Virgil snorted at Logan’s attempt to be cool. “You… you guys really don’t mind?”

“Not at all!!” Roman assured.

Virgil hid his face. “So I got worked up over nothing, huh? Is it Monday already?”

“It is in fact Monday.”

Virgil had to bite his lip at Logan’s factual response.

“Honey, you got scared you were going to lose your famILY. Of course you’re going to be upset! And you should always feel comfortable coming to one of us if you start feeling scared or unloved!! We’ll convince you in whatever way we have to! I’ll probably cuddle you!”

Virgil chuckled. “Thanks Pat.”

Roman squeezed Virgil’s shoulder in a silent sign of support. They stayed there for a few minutes until Patton spoke up.

“I think we need a movie night!! Who’s with me?”

“Sounds great Pat.”

“Indeed!”

“That would be adequate.”

Patton giggled in excitement as everyone stood. Virgil still felt a little shaky, but it was nothing new with his panic attacks. The Light Sides ushered Virgil out of his room as he smiled.

Virgil looked forward to watching movies with his famILY.

[ashleygren]

Genderbend stories

Ok so genderbend stories are something I dont look for or interact with very often, not because I'm squicked out or hate the concept or anything like that. I think I'm just a little distrustful of them from past experiences with both fanfiction and original stories (like manga and anime). There of course have been ones that i loved and thought were extremely well written but most of the genderbend stuff I find is either very insulting to large quantities of people or not well thought out. Let me give a couple of examples of what I mean. TW- THERE ARE PARTS I TALK ABOUT RAPE, MOLESTATION, AND HARRASMENT! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

Example 1-

I was in a rare mood of wanting to find genderbend fics for a specific character in a fandom I dont really like anymore (which fandom it is doesn't matter) that also included a rareish pairing. I found one that the summary made seem really interesting and since it had only two chapters I started reading. So the main character (male) through magic has his body turned into a female one unwillingly and freaks out like you do (this was probably the only momemt I liked in the story because they make a point to write that even if his body is a woman's he is still male and will keep using he/him pronouns since the change was forced on him) Female friend 1 (ff1) comes in and starts talking about how woman are treated which would be good if ff1 then hadn't forced MC to take a shower with her. O_O it gets worse ff1 then proceeds to touch mc in his private areas and when he expresses disgust, fear, and hurt over this ff1 tells him "its ok to feel violated now because only women can get raped and molested" which is fucked up on so many levels. Chapter 1 (the only one I read) doesnt get better mc hangs out with his friends but male friend 2 (mf2) starts sexually harrasing him because of the changed body, mc thinks about how when he had his real body he felt dirty and ashamed about having a crush on mf1 but now that his body is female he feels clean (at this point mc has also started using she/her pronouns for himself), MC goes to train and spar with his friends but because he has a woman's body hes clumsy, weak, and fragile. I stopped reading at this point because wtf way to write a pile of sexist, transphobic, homophobic shit (I'm saying transphobic because the author made sure to throw in lots of lines fron every character about how someones gender must match the sex of the body theyre in and if you dont youre a fool who will learn eventually). Now obviously this example is pretty extreme not every genderbend fic has all of the problems this one did, but a lot have at least one of these themes the one I run into the most being some level of transphobia. Whether its making comments about sex=gender or the character just accepting that thier entire life has changed with no problems (because even if theyre not expiriencing dysphoria they should be having worries about other things). I see alot of sexist genderbend stories mainly when the mc is a guy whose body is turned into a woman's. I definelty see the homophobic ones the least but i still see too many of them.

Example 2-

Like I said at the beginning its not just fanfiction or fancomics that I see this happen, theres quite a bit of manga and anime that do it as well. One of my older siblings like reccomending manga to me and when they found out I identify as both a woman and a man (bigender) they tried showing thier support in the reccomendations, sadly they assumed a lot of stuff and none of it was good. I don't remember the name of the manga the showed me but the story of it was this 50-60 year old yakuza leader needed to go into hiding so he hires a black market plastic surgeon to change his identity. The surgeon ends up being a p@do and makes his body into that of a 15yo girl, the gangster gets away but then starts living as a 15 yo high school student. I didnt read too much (I didnt want to read it at all) but my sibling told me plenty of stuff about it like how some of the boys at school sexually harass the mc gangster and how he peeks at the girls during gym. I should mention my sibling is trying to understand and is a lot better now but growing up in a deeply religious red state our entire lives has definelty left marks.

Genderbend stories can be really great I have seen some pretty funny ones that don't use these bigoted themes. Hell I really like a lot of genderbend comics here on tumblr because when written right they can be really fun and lighthearted. I don't hate genderbend stuff but I think a lot of the people who write them are misinformed or young so theyre not for me most of the time.

[ao3feed-theoldguard]

by firefliesandstarlight

when andy dies, nobody knows what to do. she’s had years, decades, even, to grow old with her team, her family, though they did not grow old alongside her. not physically. two thousand years is a pretty good run, though. andy lived well, and died as she lived.

or: a quick fic abt the team remembering andy after she's gone

Words: 775, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Andy | Andromache of Scythia, Nile Freeman, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani, Nicky | Nicolo di Genova, Booker | Sebastien le Livre

Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolo di Genova, theyre not really the focus but i figured i should tag them anyway

Additional Tags: Post-Canon, technically the major character death thing doesnt actually happen in the story, but there is a lot of mention of death so tw death, i have no idea what else to tag this uh, Minor Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolo di Genova, Major Found Family Vibes, they just have a relaxing day remembering Old Times okay, they deserve peace and happiness and u cannot change my mind, aight i think thats it, i promise i'll write one thats not this uh angsty at some point, first work for tog so lmk what u think! comments/kudos appreciated

via AO3 works tagged 'The Old Guard (Movie 2020)'