#my whole life I've had shit friends who pretend to care and then drop me as soon as they can

[link-lonk]

The fuck is the point of someone reaching out to and reconnecting with you if they're only going to block you after a few months

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA For telling my partner I'd like to bring my ex into our relationship?

I'm copying this over from r/relationship_advice, because the responses are giving me the impression they don't really get what polyamory is & I'm hoping tumblr does. For reference: there's me (29M), my ex (28, Trans Man), and my partner (30M).

My ex and I were best friends in high school, went to the same college, & dated through the tail end of undergrad, for about a year and change. We ended things on very good terms, the only reason we broke up was a difference in life paths: I stayed in the city to get my Master's, he traveled constantly for his work (he's a sculptor who makes these huge custom multimedia pieces, they're genuinely some of the most beautiful things I've seen). We fell out of touch for the most part, but I'd see him popping up on social media occasionally, or he'd text me when he was in town and we'd hang out, along with some other school friends.

The last time I saw him before our present situation was about 3 1/2 years ago today. We went out for drinks, he came back to my place after, and we ended up hooking up. He stayed in town for about a week, and we hooked up a few more times, and then he left again. He sort of dropped off the face of the earth after that, but he'd always been pretty sporadic, especially when he had a big project, so I didn't think much about it.

Not long after that, I met my current partner. He's truly one of my favorite people in the whole world; he's incredibly thoughtful, and earnest, and passionate about his morals & principles (he's an environmental lawyer), and more than anything, he's someone I never feel like I have to pretend with. He asked for my number, we had our first date a few days later, and ended up staying awake the entire night just talking about anything and everything, so we went ahead and got 5am pancakes and called it our second date. We've been together for a little over 3 years now, we've been moved in together for about 2, and while we've had the occasional fight or rough patch I can definitely say I love this man, and I plan to spend the rest of my life with him.

So, the big change.

About a year ago (~2 years since seeing my ex, my partner and I have lived together for about a year at this point), my partner and I are having a night in, and there's a knock at the door. It's my ex, looking absolutely ragged, holding a 15 month old baby. As in, a baby who was conceived 24 months before then. Yep, it's pretty much what you're guessing. I let them both in, we had a sit down in the kitchen, and he told me everything he'd been doing in the past 2 years in between me cussing him out for keeping it all from me in the first place. I really do want to keep this as short as possible, so to give you the super condensed version:

She's my daughter, he's completely sure about that, there's no one else he's been with the math is even close to correct for

The second he found out he was pregnant, he more or less panicked. He's got a whole Thing about feeling like he's irresponsible/not a "real" adult, and this really set him off, so telling me felt like "admitting to fucking both our lives up" at the time. His OB/GYN said some pretty awful shit to him about not being more careful as a trans man too, which just made it all even worse

Because of all that, he'd genuinely planned to just never tell me I have a daughter & raise her completely on his own, but a few things compounded to force his hand:

The birth was really rough on him, and his recovery was slow enough he was having trouble going back to work, to the point where money was getting tight

On top of that, our daughter has celiac disease, and between paying out of pocket for blood tests & spending more on baby food she's safe to eat, things got desperate enough he went and took out a really dodgy loan from a scummy payday company

He was at our door because all of this had finally spiraled to a point where he'd lost his apartment, they'd been sleeping in his car for about a week, and he couldn't think of anything else to do

I think I was probably feeling every human emotion in existence at the same time through all of this, but the thing I remember most from the whole conversation was the way my partner kept drifting right back to the baby, and the soft way he looked at her. We put my ex & daughter up in a hotel room for the night and told him we needed to talk, and we'd discuss our options in the morning, but I think even then I kind of knew what our answer was going to be.

Sure enough, for the last year and a half we've been co-parenting our little girl, all three of us. We didn't want to juggle who's got her, or force my ex to find a place to stay, so we've turned my partner's home office into our daughter's room, and redid most of the downstairs layout so my ex could move into an actual bedroom, rather than just sleep on our pullout couch in perpetuity. We finally succeeded in convincing him that rest and recovery was more important than trying to contribute to the house finances right away, and it's been magical watching all that stress and terror slowly fall off him. It's like he's a little more alive again every time I look.

Which is where my question comes in.

I'd like to restate, I love my partner 100%. None of this changes that whatsoever. If I ask, and he says no, that will be the end of the discussion for me completely. But I have eyes. My ex is, objectively, a very attractive man. I know we work well together, and I have to admit I'm very curious to see where that same chemistry could lead now that he's not on the other side of the country half the time. I've also been noticing these little moments between him and my partner. Nothing I'd consider crossing a line, but I've caught my partner checking my ex out several times, as well as vice versa, and they get along remarkably well. Sometimes I'll go to enter a room, and see them both sitting there laughing and chatting and playing with our baby, and I'll just hang back to watch because it makes me so happy.

Add to all that, we're pretty deeply ingrained in each other's lives now. My partner and I don't often go out on dates alone anymore, but the last few times we did it felt as if my ex was missing from the table. We watched a movie together last night, and my ex sat in the middle of us with his feet in my partner's lap and his head on my chest, and it felt just as natural as my arm on my partner's shoulder. It's not about just having sex with him, and it's not that I'd want to invite any old person into our relationship. I know we already all love each other, and I think there's potential for that to become romantic between the two of us and my ex.

It just feels as though we're all holding our breath, waiting for someone else to say it first. My ex certainly isn't going to bring it up when he's living rent free in "our" home (it's his home too, but he doesn't seem to see it like that yet). My partner grew up sheltered enough that I'm not sure he's ever heard of polyamory at all, so he's not going to bring it up. That just leaves me.

My problem is, if I'm wrong about what I think I'm seeing, or if I bring it up the wrong way, I can't take it back. I don't want my partner to feel insecure or betrayed, I don't want my ex to feel pressured or put on the spot, and I definitely don't want my daughter to lose any of us, which I know could happen if we aren't all on the same page. Or worse, if we do all date and it goes badly.

Should I just keep this whole thing secret? Is that even worse? Would I be the asshole for opening this can of worms on everyone else?

Help!

[how-very-salty]

diet coke

Veronica Sawyer x Jason J.D. Dean. Heather Chandler (mention), Heather Duke (mention)

TW: mention eating disorder

Summary: Veronica is anxious about her weight, and J.D. knows who to blame.

(fluff, talks and a little fightings, supporting J.D., weight anxious)

_________

"Good morning, princess," a familiar, slightly husky voice murmured from behind her, surrounding Veronica with the thick smell of tobacco and motor oil. "Having breakfast all alone?"

"It's lunchtime, weirdo," she pecked J.D.'s cheek with a quiet chuckle and quickly pulled away, rubbing her lips. "Ouch! Why are you so stubbly, oversleeping again?"

He smirked, and carelessly shoved somebody's stuff aside and slumped into the chair next to her.

"Nah, been fiddling with the bike all morning. Damn thing wouldn't start again," he sighed noisily and glanced disapprovingly at the contents of her tray. "Shit, and I was hoping it was breakfast after all... Because this, honey, doesn't even come close to looking like lunch."

With a guilty look, Veronica picked up a leaf of lettuce with her fork and stared at it in disgust. She wanted to eat something normal, like a hot dog or a hamburger, but....

"I'm just not hungry," she shook her head and put the fork down.

Her stomach responded with a treacherously loud rumble, and Veronica, flushed, hastily excused herself, "It's..."

"It's that bitch again, isn't it?" J.D.'s face twisted with anger. "Did she say something about your weight again?"

"Well... if I gain a few more pounds," her voice grew quieter with each word, "I'm going to look like a whale..."

"Fuck," he exhaled sharply and pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers. "Fuck! You're the smart one, Ronnie, so why the fuck are you listening to her?"

"But I gained weight! And Chandler's my friend," Veronica mumbled insecurely, "it's her way of taking care of me..."

"Well, she already took care of Duke," J.D. grinned fiercely and stared at her; she shivered and stopped talking, "and now, as a 'good' friend, she brings her flowers to the hospital and, I'm sure, still enjoys throwing in a few words about her looks. She's just found a new way to bully her. Am I wrong?"

She silently shook her head without looking up: he was frighteningly accurate. On their last visit, Chandler had brought some blush and advised Duke to "do something about that sickly look. Veronica had never forgiven Duke for the cemetery prank, but at that moment, she'd felt insanely sorry for her.

"Damn it, Veronica, you promised you'd kick Heather out of your life," J.D. snapped angrily, moving closer to hover over her. "But somehow you still let her wipe her feet on you! Would you please stop kissing her ass already?"

"You don't understand," she jumped up and glared at him, her lips pressed together in anger, "I've sa..."

"I don't fucking get it anymore, Ronnie," he stood up abruptly from the chair and almost dropped it. "If you're scared, I could protect you!"

"You can't fight off teasing and rumors with your fists, J.D.," Veronica shook her head wearily and looked up at him. "I've said it before: I don't want to stand alone against the whole school."

"But I'll be right there!" he slammed his fist into the table, causing the trays to bounce and jingle pitifully. "Isn't that enough? ...ah, screw it!"

J.D. turned and dashed out of the cafeteria with a quick stride. With a soft curse under her breath, Veronica grabbed her bag and ran after him.

Fortunately, he hadn't gone far: he was standing not far from the cafeteria entrance, leaning against the wall, furiously trying to wipe the soot off his hands with the edge of his shirt. Slowing her pace, she hesitantly approached and stood beside him. Pretending not to notice her, J.D. continued to rub the stain in silence, rubbing it harder into his skin. Veronica sighed heavily.

"That's enough, but it's... it's different," she stammered, trying to find the words. "I want to make good memories, J.D. I want to remember parties at Mac's, sleepovers at Chandler's, and going shopping with all the Heathers. I want to have fun at graduation! Not just remember bullying and laughing in the back for the rest of high school, you get it?" she asked.

"No, I don't get it," J.D. muttered grimly, rubbing the black mark on his arm in irritation. "It's all a fucking fake!"

"Not everything, just some of it," Veronica put her palm on his arm, stopping him gently. "But even if I fake it somewhere, I won't remember it later. Only the good stuff will stay. Just a few more months, J.D., and we'll be out of here..."

He shook his head stubbornly:

"I shouldn't have told you about the mugs back then, you know," his lips pressed into a thin line in contempt. "If that bitch had died back then, things would be a lot better now. For you and for everyone. The world would be a much nicer place without her!"

"Let's not get into that again," Veronica frowned and drew back sharply. "I'm tired of arguing and proving..."

"Wait! I'm sorry, I..." J.D. quickly grabbed her arm and pulled her towards him, "I just don't want to see you in a hospital bed! Not because of that bitch, not because of anyone. What if it had been you instead of Duke?"

Immediately softening, she stepped forward and laid her forehead on his chest. His arms immediately closed around her, confident and tight. Maybe too tight... He sighed loudly and rested his chin on the top of her head.

"I'm not going to take suspect diet pills, I promise. Especially not after what happened with Duke," she muttered into his shirt. Her head was spinning badly: three days of lettuce leaves and apples had taken their toll. "But I am really overweight. And my thighs are huge! Soon it'll be time to buy a prom dress..."

"You have a wonderfully curvy body, darling. And an awesome ass, if you ask me," J.D. hummed, running his hand slowly down her back teasingly; she slapped his chest with a soft giggle, "so just buy a dress that shows it off. And I'll get busy scaring off all the guys who'll be drooling over it."

"You're such an idiot," Veronica giggled, reaching up and smooching him on his stubby chin. "That's why I love you! By the way, is your bike back on the beat?"

"Yeah," a broad smile spread across his face. "Where to, princess?"

"Let's go to 7-Eleven," she shook her head determinedly, "I'm starving for a giant hot dog!"

[peachey-bastard]

sorry another vent post but I don't rlly want to talk to friends about this more than I have already

I'm in such a weird place of emotional hurt and honestly I don't really know how to process it properly. my mental health was already in fucking shambles even before this, I've been to the hospital twice for suicide attempts in the last couple months and while I haven't told anyone except for two friends, it kind of sucks that no one I consider close in my life could even see that I was struggling and gave a fuck. I'm also hearing such conflicting things from different people and it's fucking me up. I got told directly by someone I considered my best friend for so long that they don't actually care about me and had already planned to ghost me after we stopped living together, and have had them scream at me and be agressive to the point I was afraid of physical violence. and then hear from other people they've talked to that they 'consider me family and are sad about losing the friendship' when all I fucking wanted was to have a conversation and be apologised for to for them treating me like shit for months, and they told me to effectively fuck off and that we werent friends anymore. either they're lying to other people or they're lying to me, and I don't know what hurts more. pretending like you're the victim when you're the one who blew up a years long friendship where I would drop everything if they needed me, or if they lied to me and just went straight for the throat for no other reason than to hurt me to the core because my biggest fucking anxiety driven fear is having the people I care about the most leave me and not actually give a fuck about me. all I fucking want is to be treated like a valued person and not like an object that just gets used and thrown away. it's been violating in every fucking way, I've already been fucked over by being led on and used for sex, financially screwed over because they moved their partner in, lied about it being temporary, and all the bills have fucking doubled and now I have been having to help cover costs for someone who lies, steals, and doesn't pull their fucking weight, and severely emotionally damaged because all of my worst fucking fears about my relationships are coming true. I've been processing stuff badly and a lot of it is coming out in just sheer anger at this point. I'm angry that I'm being used, I'm angry about stupid fucking double standards where I can be screamed at and argued with for no fucking reason but me being upset is suddenly a huge problem, I'm angry that I've wasted the last three fucking years of my life putting my energy into someone who's a lying, cheating, manipulative piece of shit. and I'm still fucking upset about losing them. I'm so fucking heartbroken and I'm angry at myself for caring this much still. they literally made fun of me to my face because I started crying when them and their partner were fucking screaming at me when it's a reaction I can't control from having abusive fucking parents who'd constantly yell at me. I'm angry that they're going around acting like it's poor little them who's the fucking victim when they're the one who's blown this whole relationship up. because there was a point where it was still fixable. even wjth all the arguing and fighting I still wanted to save this stupid friendship that I was clinging onto so badly. they're the one who's crossed the point of no return with the way they fucking treat me. I still love them and would love to have the friendship back but I can't do that when I don't feel safe around them anymore. emotionally or physically. I'm emotionally exhausted and I know it's only another month and a half before I don't live with them anymore and don't have to see them again but I honestly don't know if I can make it that long at this point. everything is so fucking exhausting and I don't have anywhere left that's a safe fucking space for me. I can't even confide in friends because one is dealing with their own shut and I don't want to burden them more than I have, and the other just runs strsight to them and tells them everything I say, even if it's in confidence. I just can't

[donutsupremacy]

Undying spite

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Warnings

No comfort

Scara going from 'Ily pls take me bacc' to 'Imma fokin sever your head from your spine' to ':c'

Name calling, he threw every single curse word known to mankind at you

Scara still doesn't know any boundaries

A bit of violent behaviour

Trespassing? Or if you want it to be more drastic: Near death experience, I guess?

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"You've got balls of steel, i'll give you that."

"...Wh-What?" He looked up, eyes staring at you in confusion, before morphing into what looks like fear at your expression.

You wore a smile, but even a child could tell it was nothing but a fake, even your eyes remained absolutely dead and dark as you stared at him. But the more he stared into them, the more he realized you only held one emotion toward him; Spite.

Chills travelled down his spine as you let out a chuckle, sounding slightly strained, almost as if you were holding back from screaming at him. "You want to know a little secret?... Actually, no, how about I ask you this instead: Do you know how long i've waited for you?... To come back to me?"

He took a step back, but hesitantly reached out for you. Back then, when you were near your breaking point, he would reach out gently caress your face, before you would crash into his arms and began sobbing about whatever was troubling you.

But that was then, this was now.

You slapped his hand away without a second thought, not a single drop of remorse left in you as he flinched at your harshness, you weren't even holding back. "I watched the two of you purposely make out in front for nearly 5 whole fucking years! Do you really think I would be dumb enough to take you back when you had the audacity to act like I didn't exist!?"

"Th-That was different! I-I thought she genuinely loved me— like you did..." His voice trembled, but soon looked away with furious expression. "Until I found her with that motherfucker..."

"That sure sounds familiar, doesn't it?" You sneered, reaping pleasure at the way he trembled at your words that stung deep in his heart. "History has repeated itself, didn't it?"

Now, it was your turn to watch him suffer, as he did with you.

"I know... I left you without a legitimate reason, it was a horrible choice, I just felt stressed and scared that you'll leave me because of colleg—" You're not sure which one made you swing your hand across his face with force strong enough to create a sound that echoed throughout the empty neighbourhood. But you knew the emotion that washed over you at every word he sputtered out; Fury.

Your palms stung, but the hatred towards him burning within you nullified the pain. You glared daggers at the male who nearly fell onto the ground, his face bright red with your hand leaving a visible print, nearly cutting his skin.

The male panted heavily, hunched over with his hand hovering over the red area as he slowly looked at you. He had never seen you so furious before, he once knew you as a kind-hearted angel that could quell his emotions with a touch. Now, you were like a vengeful spirit, out to erase him from existence, just as he did to you.

"That's the lamest excuse i've heard from you, and I heard a shit ton of them already." You spat. "Instead of logically asking for my reassurance when you felt insecure, you decide to go around and sleep with random women who you barely knew while pretending like i'm worth jack shit to you? We've been together for almost 3 years! We were even best friends for 8 years before that!"

Your vouce cracked halfway through, your eyes starting to grow watery, and it wasn't from the rain. "What kind of boyfriend are you!?" You screamed, ignoring the potential of alerting your neighbours, not that you could care anyways.

You let out quiet sobs, your fury gradually turning into pain and tears as memories of how he treated you flooded right back into your head for who knows how many times.

"...I used to love you! I wanted to spend my whole life with you! You told me I was your one and only... I told you that my heart was for no one but you... and you decide to just rip it into pieces instead!" Your skin felt less numb as you felt tears travelling down your cheeks, the cold breeze of the rain brushing against the suddenly sensitive flesh.

His hand, though the pain in his cheek still stinging like hell, took your hand into his once again, as gentle as he could compared to before. "...And I was at fault for that, I deserve to rot in hell for what i've done to you."

You stilled, the heat from his palm all too familiar to you. But at the same time, it was such a foreign feeling that you could barely recall those fuzzy memories. "...I doubt I could make up for everything i've put you through, but please... i'll change myself for you, so that we could be together again. And this time, I swear i'll never treat you like before ever again. I love you, [Name]."

You hesitantly look up into his eyes that were shining with hope and love, waiting for you to accept him back into your life once more and to start over, so that the two of you would never part ever again.

"...I'm sorry, Scaramouche. But I can't."

It hurts you more than it hurts him, just seeing all the hope in his eyes immediately replaced with pain and despair. You looked away with guilt, but you couldn't bear the pain of the past everytime you saw him. And you don't think you ever will.

"I think it'd be better if we see other people. It's for our own good." You added, slipping your hands out from his grasps that shook at the loss of your warmth.

"W-Wait! I promise, I won't treat you like shit, honest to the archons! [Name], please!" He begged, but you had already turned your back towards him.

"I'm sorry, Scara. I really am, but I hope you can find someone that makes you happier than I did before." His pleading went under your deaf ears as you walked back into your house, grabbing the doorknob to close the door. That proved to be a huge mistake on your part.

The male immediately intercepted the door by slipping his foot in, a choked gasp leaving your lips as he grabbed the door and forcefully opened it enough for you to see a pair of deranged indigo eyes glaring back at you. "What the fuck do you mean 'see other people'!? Don't you love me anymore!?"

Using your foot, you tried to shove his leg out while trying to close the door with both hands. "Is it because of what happened before? You selfish bitch, do you think the world revolves around you!? I already said sorry, what more do you want!?"

Your knees buckled, your foot starting to feel numb at ever kick. Your vision began to blur as tears began streaming down, sobs leaving your lips. "G-Get out!"

"Fuck you, damn whore! You'll never find a guy like me to date your ugly ass, you ungrateful cunt!" He continued barking as you continued trying to close the door, his insults stung you, a lot. You almost felt like giving up at that moment, your strength was starting to fail you at every word he spat out at you.

It felt like a decade had passed by, his degrading words thrown at you endlessly to the point his voice began growing hoarse and weak at how fast he spoke.

Even his eyes began tearing up, as if he didn't want to do this, but you had left him no other choice as his emotions caught up to him. Just hearing you call him 'Scara' instead of 'Kuni' made his heart ache.

His voice began wavering just as his strength did, allowing you to sucessfully nudge his foot and hand away from the door. With what little energy you had left in you, you shut the door at his face and scrambled to lock the door while using your body to hold the door close.

You flinched and backed away when the door suddenly pushed you foward with a loud 'thud', the screws in the hinges clicking at his harsh pounding, screaming at you to open the door.

"S-Scara, stop! Please!" You begged, digging around in your pocket, only to realize you had left your phone in your room.

"Then let me in!" He spat back, but fatigue began washing over the both of you and the relentless pounding on your door slowly ceased. A soft thud came from the other side, followed by muffled sobs and quiet cries for your name.

You dragged yourself away, but soon fell onto the ground, your whole body numb as though you were on fire. At last, your tears streamed down your face and onto the ground, the wound in your broken heart left you to suffer at the memories.

"...Scara... Kuni, i'm sorry. I still love you..."

'...I still love you too, [Name].'

But you will never hear those words from him ever again.

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A/N: Mmm, i'm never satisfied with my own stories but give me a break idk how relationships work ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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Start over?

[bitchfitch]

The inn at Port Fola Nichi was the closet thing any of the three pirates had to a home on land. The drinks were shit, and it smelled exactly like you would think a place almost exclusively utilized by pirates and other such ne'er-do-wells would, but it was home. A neutral ground free from the weight of laws where they could trade and make merry but most importantly, it was where they could receive their mail.

Lordakai took the small stack handed to him and sorted through them as quickly as he could before shoving all but one into his coat pocket. Vultch, who's mail always consisted of a single letter from his sister snorted at the display.

"What's so funny?" Lordakai snorted in return.

"It's, nothing... It's just cute how excited you get when that dainty little thing sends you something," he teased in his usual slow and lazy manner, "Right Gun? Big guys Positively darling these days."

Gun grumbled from behind the massive stack put in front of her before pushing it all off into the empty seat at the table. The chances of her reading any of them being very slight. "Oh Sure. Makes him look positively middle aged again."

"Rude, I'm only what, two years older than you, Gun?" Lordakai smiles through the ribbing.

"Oh yeah, you just aged a lot worse than I did."

"It's true. But, I don't care about That, I care about the Drama at hand. Our dear boy is Lovestruck. Just Look at him!" Vultch cut in, "You can't truly be, you know, Serious about the bird, Right?"

"And what if I am?"

"Oh No Fucking way, Lordakai," Gun looks at him incredulously, "Vultch told me how sweet you were on the bird, but no way are you Actually serious about zer? Have all the rumors about you getting soft been true?"

"Listen, The bird has never once made me soft-" He starts the innuendo but is cut off by Vultch pretending to wretch.

"Disgusting! We're eating. Have you no shame?"

"You're just mad your old man has found someone and is finally settling down."

"For the love of all that is seen, let that joke die old man."

"Absolutely not-"

"Oh Hey! Back on topic boys. Lordakai just said he was settling down and That's a whole lot more interesting than Vultch not being able to take a dick joke."

"Wait, That was a joke. That had to be a joke, Lordakai, Tell me that was a joke." Vultch looked as shocked as his insectoid features could allow.

Lordakai sat back in his seat, a letter from the love of his life in his hands and sighed, "Yeah... I am. I'm old, I've found something real good with Toi'uhla, and it's pass time I handed the title of captain of my fleet off to Laz," he shrugs and traces around the wax seal on the letter with one claw, "You both know as well as I do, Folk don't retire in our line of work. But... I'm taking this opportunity to drop anchor. I'm looking for a proposal rock and everything."

They both stare at him like he's grown a second head, but Vultch is the first to pipe up, "You really weren't joking about settling down huh?"

"Oh, How is That going to work out with zer being, you know, A Lord and also engaged?" Gun asked, the reality of the situation her friend was in suddenly becoming a lot less funny.

"Ai, it won't be anything Official. Ze is still going to marry that little princet soon enough. But once that's done ze's eligible to be duke, so the plan is to just wait out the end of zer dam's reign. Toi'uhla will get the upgrade, and then give me a pardon. That's the day I'll be out of the game and swanning off to go cuck a monarch in zer own home. Don't you two go thinking I'm leaving my ship or my territory till then."

"... Do you need zer dam to... Disappear?" Vultch offers.

"Ha, no, no. The old fuck has already said ze's only staying in zer position a year or two longer at most. And... I've brought it up in the past. Toi'uhla wasn't Thrilled with the idea of ganking zer dam."

"Oh... Oh Lordakai. Congratulations I suppose."

"Yeah. It's going to be weird seeing a Bane ship not captained by a Lordakai."

Lordakai snorts, finally pulling off the wax seal to begin reading the letter, "Hey you never know, Maybe Erifolda Lordakai the Third will take after their old-" he stops short, his beady black eyes narrowing as he read the letter again, and again. His smile dropping, the light air of comadre and jolliness vanishing and being replaced with some storm of emotion.

Vultch snatches the letter from him when he fails to respond to them trying to catch his attention again. He holds it so both he and Gun could read it,

'I love you. There's not enough space on this letter for me to say it as many times as I need to, not when there were so many moments I knew it but didn't say it. I love you, I loved you the first time we had to say goodbye. I loved you when you were furious with me the first time we got to meet as equals instead of hostage and captor. I loved you every moment between and since.

You are my heart and I miss you every time you leave. I love you. I can't think of anything but you when I'm expecting one of your replies or those brief visits we rarely get to share. I love you, I love the ship, and the crew, and the life you showed me. I love your smile and those stupid jokes you tell when it's just me you're talking to. I love the feel of your fur and scales and the sturdiness and size of every part of you. I love the nights in your bed where you hum that one song when you think I'm asleep. I love everything about you, even the parts I can't stand.

My greatest regret is leaving your ship the day of the ransom negotiations. I wish we'd sailed away like you had offered to do, or that we had done something clever to get the money without me having to leave you. My second greatest regret is being created as I write this to you.

I love you. I never want to see you again.

Guli'vany and I will be married at the start of the next season. Preparations are underway even as I write this. I love you, but there is no continuing what we have. It's my duty to my people and country and to my best friend to go through with this, even if it feels more like my execution has been planned. Once I'm married I'll be moving to Cu'Awl, far from our meeting spot, on an island I will never again have an excuse to leave and which you would never be able to get near. I thought that once Guli'vany and I were wed we'd stay on Cu'Liona at least until I had the power to grant you the pardon that would have let you finally come home to me, but Dgow'vany has insisted Guli'vany be near zer, and I will never have that power on Cu'Awl.

I love you, and I have nightmares about the ship burning with you aboard or a day of execution I don't have the power to stay. You are wanted there just as much as you are on Cu'Liona, but they have the navy we do not. Please, please, Lordakai, stay away. It would break me if those dreams came to pass. I need you alive and well, but that means never seeing you again.

Please do not write me. You know how easy I am to tempt and lead astray. Please let this be our goodbye. Please know that I love you, and will love you to my last breath.

-Toi'uhla'

"Oh Shit..." Gun takes the letter and reads it over again, "Shit, Lordakai..."

"Hey, I'm sure something can be worked out? You are recoursful, and the bird clearly wants-" Vultch reaches to put a hand on his shoulder but Lordakai swats it away with a snarl.

He sighs deeply, eyes stoney, jaw set with his spiked beard flairing even as he struggled to maintain some semblance of his composure, even then his voice was a deep growl when he finally spoke, "Do you two want a Real big fucking pay day? Because I've got a wedding to crash and would Love an entourage."

[manjiropie]

do whatever is in your mind.

Young Mikey x Reader!

Warn! no warnings today! enjoy!

It's not often Mikey and I have a quarrel. We do bicker here and there, but that's what happens between friends, right?

I've joined Toman for almost a year now– although I've known Manjiro for much longer. I met him through Emma, who is a big friend of mine for as long as I can remember. She was there for me at times when I felt like there was no exit, no light. She's an extremely important part of my life– of me.

I've come to realize that I have been spending more and more time near Mikey, which is not bad, I do enjoy his presence. He may look tough and intimidating but he's just like a mochi: freezing cold on the outside but melting saccharine inside. Now that I'm a part of the gang and actually get to know and participate, I've gotten closer to him. Here and there Mikey invites me out.

"So, it's like a date?" I'd smirk suggestively at him.

"In your dreams." He'd try to hide his smile and he'd look away.

However, there are a few little habits he has that tend to send me on a rage trip. I get mad easily. Things will likely set on fire quickly. It's not that I want to, but my mother is not one of the most patient people in the world and she tells me to cool down. As if.

This last week was the cherry on top.

Mikey had crossed the line. He had pissed me off in every single way possible. He pretended not to listen to me while he was eating. He would answer me in a "oh, I don't really fucking care about what you're talking about!" way. He tripped while he was laughing hysterically at something Draken had said and his pink lemonade was all over my white shirt. He drew in an assignment that was due to the next day for my math class. He told me off for no reason at all in front of everyone in the last Toman's meeting... all of that wasn't on purpose. I am aware of how incredibly short his attention spam is when it comes to not so important affairs. But, fuck, couldn't he just be a little nicer to me? At least during last week where I was having sharp cramps in my fucking uterus? Yeah, maybe he didn't know that because I try not to be so obvious. But when he told us we'd be training last thursday I almost laid on the ground in fetal position and cried for hours. I didn't! I fought and then went home and cried.

Then, this Saturday– today –he invited me to his house to hang out. Emma was with a friend and his grandfather was out of town. When he called me to his house we never did much. We'd watch TV, hang out on the couch discussing stupid stuff, we'd be on our phones... nothing so wow. It was still fun, though.

I wasn't in the best mood to leave my comfy bed but I was way less in the mood to fight him off over the phone. So I slid out of the bed and dressed the first jeans I saw laying on the end of my bed and the oversized Nirvana shirt hanging off my chair (it's actually my dad's shirt, shhh).

~

I knocked twice on his bedroom's door.

"Come in." He yelled from inside. I open the door and he's laying on the bed, his head hanging off of it and his hair is almost touching the floor. His face lit up and he rolled over so he laid on his stomach. I walk over and sit down beside him.

"What's up with the frown?" I didn't notice I was frowning to be honest. Guess the bad mood followed me here.

I shrug.

"Ugh, don't tell me you're in a bad mood." He whines. "I called you here to chill and you're already angry. What's up?" He lays on his pillow and swings his legs to place them on my lap. I huff and shove them off, getting up.

"You've been treating me like shit the whole week and now you wanna chill?" I say, more calm than I thought.

"I did not treat you like shit this week? When do I treat you like shit?" His tone was one of disbelief and confusion.

"Ah, Mikey. Embarrassing me in front of the rest of gang; spilling your drink on my school shirt, which is now stained; ignoring me or answering like you're bored..." I list them off on my fingers. "I am the one who asks, what's up with you?! God, you're always being so unpredictable, which is good sometimes but not like this! Not to me!"

I flop down on the couch, starting to get tired of this whole thing. Knowing Mikey, I know that he'll not lay down again.

"So you're the only one allowed to have bad days now?" He sits on the edge of his bed and I turn my head around lazily, uninterested, bored, like him.

"You were laughing incredibly loud with Takemitchi and Draken friday."

"You can be so annoying sometimes."

"Oh, I'm the annoying one now?" I stand up.

"If you don't like my company, why did you even come in first place?" He also stands. We don't have much height difference, but he's hardly two inches taller than me.

His voice is calm, like always. Which makes me infuriated. "Fucking hell! Does it hurt for you to apologize!?" My sudden outburst takes him on surprise, and me, too.

"I already apologized, stop whining about it."

"I'm not whining–"

"If you weren't," he walks to his desk and sets a cup that was once beside his bed down. "You would've dropped this matter before."

"You don't give a damn about what I feel, do you, Mikey?"

"What?" He turns around, brows knit together.

"You heard me. You made me have a bad week and the least you could do is apologize, you dumbass!" I stomp to his direction.

"I already did! Why don't you–"

"Shut up or I'll punch you." I say, slightly looking up.

His eyebrows twitch and he slowly tilts his head to the side, like a puppy. "Or what.. ?"

"Are you fucking deaf?" I point to my ears.

He comes a little closer. "You're gonna do what if I don't shut up?"

"I'm going to punch you if you don't stop being a brat." I sneer at him. My blood boiling. The stress from this shitty past week overflowing in that moment.

"Oh, yeah?" I could feel his breath oh my nose.

"What? Are you doubting me? I would." I jerk up an eyebrow. I've never fought physically with him. But it's not like I can't.

"I'd like to see you try." His eyes flicker to my lips for a brief second and my breath fails, making me cough.

"What? Can't punch me?" He amuses.

"Fuck you."

Suddenly I feel an arm sneak around my waist and in a second I'm chest to chest with Mikey. My eyes widen– his were peaceful as ever, although superior.

"Do it." He says, looking down at me.

The way he's holding me is making my head spin. True, Mikey is cute...

"Do what?"

He laughs at my confused expression. "I don't know... what did you say you'd do to me?"

Ha ha.

His hold on me tightens.

"Do whatever is on your mind." He says.

My eyes roam free between his eyes and his soft pink lips. Do whatever is on your mind.

If he knew what was on my mind, would he still allow me to?

"Do it," he encourages me once again, "aren't you the 'oh so brave' one? Punch me, yell at me, do whatever you want to me."

Those words were the last push I needed. My hands find the soft skin of his neck, hidden by his long hair. I pull him close and lock our lips together. I feel him making a little sound, I don't know if it was surprise or relief.

If by just looking at it his lips seemed soft, actually touching it felt like kissing cotton candy or guessing cloud shapes.

He didn't pull back, in fact, he held me with both hands. I have no clue how he did that but it seemed as though all of my worries dissipated as we kissed.

My heart was beating so fast that it made my chest hurt. My head started to pound when I spent a little too long without air. I pull back from his lips and keep my gaze on them as I breathe heavily.

"Hm." He hums quietly, almost dreamily if you'd ask me.

I look up at his face and smile a bit, noticing how his cheeks are pink. I lift an eyebrow up as if asking what he was thinking. He shakes his head and then puts his right hand on my cheek, caressing it. He kisses me again. This time is slower. As though being present in the moment. As if it were just me and him and nothing else.

----------

I hope you guys liked It! It was so pleasant writing this out of the small bits of ideas that I have. Don't forget: my requests are open. You can request anything! Thank you for reading! Oh, likes and reblogs help a lot! If you consider following it'd make me even happier <3

[kpop-dungeon-dark]

REQUEST (Nerd!Felix/Yongbok x You)

•TRIGGER WARNING•

Warning(s): Non-Con, humiliation, degradation, brat taming, watersports, breath play, rough filthy shit. Read at own risk.

"If that isn't our little Yongbokkieeee~" Felix sighed and shut his eyes tightly when he heard the familiar dreadful voice from behind, holding the straps of his school bag even tighter. "Aigoooi~ aren't you in a hurry, foreign booooy?" Her perfectly manicured hand placed on the boy's shoulder, pulling him back.

"Let go, Y/n-ah…" The boy spoke, trying his best not to snap at the little slut. She was so foolish. A fucking clown. A narrow minded little racist bitch. That's what.

"Ahhhh… your Korean is soooo adorable…" Before she moved to stand in front of him, heavy tits tightly packed in her school shirt, the first few buttons up. "What's the rush, Aussie boy? Too proud to make friends? Tsk, tsk!" Felix felt like smacking her infuriatingly cute little face.

"You know it's not like tha-"

"LISTEN UP, EVERYONE!" Y/n clapped and got everyone's attention, the whole hallway of students going home stopping to look at her. "OUR FOREIGN BOY DOESN'T WANNA BE FRIENDS~" she pouted as if it really hurt her. "HE AVOIDED ME ALL DAY IN SCHOOL TOO! HOW PROUD, TSK!" Everyone booed him, calling him names and whatnot. It was terrible.

Had he known moving to Korea was going to be like this he'd have never agreed. They made fun of his looks, his accent, the grammatical errors he made and his English name that he preferred. Even though Felix was using his English name in his documents now that he was all grown up, Y/n had somehow learnt his Korean one and she wasn't going to let him live it down.

"Aigo what a loser" splashing the juice in her hand at his shirt, the girl clicked her tongue and walked away while laughing, leaving the boy in absolute despair due to how badly it stained his shirt.

He didn't want to hurt her because she was clearly fucking naive and dumb but fuck. Y/n was making it fucking hard.

.

Felix checked his room one last time to make sure it was clean and smelt nice with just the right amount of ventilation. Setting his books up on the foldable desks he'd set up on the bed, the boy opened up the other desk too. His mom had asked him if he could teach her bestfriend's child some English as they were apparently in the same year as him. The boy was happy to help and agreed so now his mom's friend was going to drop the kid off at their house that he didn't know anything about.

And who else could it be other than the one and only. How fucking cliche.

The male was unsure of how to act when he heard his mom's voice and another women's before his door was knocked, opening as Mrs. Lee along a stern looking tall and built women in a police uniform appeared.

Felix got up and respectfully bowed to the women as she greeted him back, her friendly smile really unusual for her stern features. "Hello, dear. Thank you so much for your kind gesture. I've been looking for a good teacher for quite some time now but my child is… slow." She chuckled. "Maybe it'd be easier for her if someone her age teaches her…"

"Oh, of course. No problem at all. I'd be actually very happy to help. That way I get to revise too and study from a different perspective, ma'am." He didn't know why, but he couldn't stop the smirk from appearing on his face. Oh. She was trying her best to hide behind her mother but Felix had seen the pathetic little girl.

Oh how fucking perfect.

"Ah I hope my kid can learn well from you in not just academics but manners too… Now! Y/n-ah- where…" Her mother looked for her before turning around to find her hiding, gripping her wrist and pulling her in front of the taller boy. "There you are. Now… learn well okay? Felix will take well care of you" her mother glanced at the boy and he nodded, bowing a little bit as he said of course.

Y/n was trying not to die as she was made to stand right in front of fucking Yongbok out of all! How was she so stupid?! She should have put two and two together! Oh fuck! This was bad! This was terrible for her image! Now he knew that she was looking for tuition and not all that careless about studies as she seemed to act like back in school. And she also wasn't a badass in her private life.

Fuck.

"Be good. I'll pick you up on my way back, alright?" The girl had non-existent balls to brat with her mother as she was a firm police woman and knew how to get brats going. She had gotten enough harsh punishments from her mom to even dare to try. Y/n did her best to pretend to be a good kid. Or her mom had threatened to send her off to juvi or a boarding school! "Hm?"

The girl whimpered, feeling the boy's gaze burn into her very soul. "Y- Yes, mommy." She could only whisper back, head lowered all the way.

"Good baby. Now give mommy a kiss." Y/n could die of embarrassment right now, her cheeks burning as she felt humiliated. Oh she had no idea what was coming her way. This was nothing. Her mother still treated her like a 4 year old baby and not like she was 18. It was so fucking stupid!

"Y- Yes, mommy…" There was no use hiding. Yongbok could see it all and he was quietly observing it. Standing on her tippy toes because of being much smaller than her mom, Y/n kissed her cheek. "Bye, mommy." The copper ruffled her daughter's head before leaving with Felix's mother who was also dressed for work.

Lowering her head even more when it was just the both of them, Y/n held her bag right as she didn't turn around, not wanting to face the smug boy, whimpering when he stepped forward to close his door.

"She… doesn't know, does she?" Felix's deep voice pierced through her soul as he turned around to look down at her now, grinning wide. "Tsk… look at this cute little turtleneck and long skirt… those baby shoes and these pigtails…" Y/n felt her heart starting to pound when he suddenly tugged at her twin ponytails, her cheeks feeling even hotter in pure humiliation. "If only you were actually a good babygirl like your 'mommy' thinks and not a skimpy little slutty whore ridiculing people for no fucking reason at school" clicking his tongue, the boy walked to his bed and plopped on it in a relaxed manner, well aware that he had her exactly where a bitch like her should be. "I wonder how she will react if she finds out that you are actually-"

"N- NO PLEASE!" Y/n finally found her voice and rushed to him, helplessly pleading. "PLEASE DON'T TELL M- MOMMY! I- I AM SORRY!" She struggled, not knowing what to say. This was so awkward and strange. Something she'd never thought of. Fuck.

"Ahhh so you really are an all talk whore, tsk. Acting all cool and fearless in school but actually a pathetic little mommy's baby." Felix chuckled tauntingly and shook his head, eyes cold. Months. She'd been troubling him for months simply because he was a foreigner and made mistakes in Korean. "Come here, let me see. I wouldn't be surprised if you're also wearing a nappy under that cute skirt. Do you need a change?" He teasingly went to grab her arm which caused the girl to stagger backwards.

"N- No! No, Y- Yon- Felix! I- I swear I am not! I am not wearing a-- p- please! Don't do this! I- I won't bother you again! You don't even have to tutor me! Just please don't tell mom!" Y/n hated how pathetically she had to beg him.

"Ah… so it's suddenly Felix now, huh?" The male chuckled before speaking again. "Since I am not a pathetic slut like you, I won't tell your mom but in exchange, you'll have to be good for me. If you oblige, good. If you don't, I'll have to tell her, little one. Because what you're doing will end up harming someone really bad."

The girl desperately dropped her bag, sitting in his feet and holding his knees. "Y- Yes! Yes! Alright! I'll be good! I'll do whatever you want! Just don't tell mom! I don't wanna go to juvi or boarding-" her eyes widened before she slapped her mouth shut. Oh no! She didn't just tell him that!

Felix threw his head back and laughed. "Ahhh so it's like that, I see…" He was enjoying this. Looking down at her, Felix felt something stir inside him as his eyes got darker. She looked so fucking perfect kneeling under him like this. It was getting so hard to hold back now that he had her. "Fine. If you don't want to go to boarding or juvi, you'll have to be my little fuck piggy. And when I say that, I mean it. You'll be my literal plaything and there will be no denying my orders. You'll have to obey and be good like a brainless little slave doll… You will only know what I allow. You will only do as I say. No using your own brain, not that it is very smart anyway… That is the price." He had always had… dark desires. Which was one of the reasons he'd never dated much. But when Felix had seen Y/n all those months ago in school for the first time, he had unintentionally imagined how it would feel to ruin her to the point of despair before building her back up.

And now that he was so close to having it. Fuck. The boy was going insane.

Y/n nodded slowly, tears forming in her eyes as she bit her lip. "Y- Yes, I… I agree. I- I'll be your d- doll, Felix… J- Just please d- don't tell anyone… I- I beg you… I- I don't wanna g- go to boarding or…" A sob left her, his finger catching her tear amidst of falling down.

This was so wrong. But she deserved it. Felix was absolutely disgusted by bullies.

"Don't worry. Like your mother said, I'll take goood care of you." The naive girl had no idea what she had signed herself up for or just what his words meant. "Then… why don't you prove your worth by getting up and stripping to let me see my belongings... And, get those dirty little hands off. Fuck toys don't deserve to touch Master unless allowed." Felix swatted them off.

"W- What? M- Master…? S- Strip?" Y/n was lost.

"What else did you think? Some Wattpad romance where I make you my little sidekick or something before I confess that I've liked you all along?" Raising an eyebrow he pushed her back. "Get to it."

"B- But F- Felix-!"

"It's Master!" The male firmly spoke as he glared down at her, yanking one of her pigtails. "Come on now… time's running and we don't have all day my little toy. You better start behaving before it's too late…" Her sobs and tears satisfied him so much.

Y/n slowly got up with her head lowered, trembling as she stepped out of her shoes, slowly pulling her socks off. "I- I can't believe I am doing this in front o- of you.." She whispered while struggling to not collapse on her knees, literally shivering under his firm gaze.

"I also couldn't believe a person as rotten as you existed." Before he grabbed the hem of her dress, pulling her closer and snorting when she gasped, flinching when he leaned back again. Felix's foot trailed up her shaking leg, the top of his foot rubbing against her covered core before he grabbed the waistband of her panties with his toes, pulling them down from under the skirt. "Ahh… so little girl's mommy really doesn't put her in nappies, I see…" Before he looked back up at her face, his foot resting on the underwear between her ankles now. "Skirt off now."

The girl was wiping at her tears as she shakily undid the skirt before letting it fall, her heart pounding even harder when the cold air attacked her core before he made her pull her shirt up and off, suddenly ripping her bra off which caused her to scream.

"Tsk… you sure are jumpy and scaredy for how tough you act." The boy shook his head, feeding off her misery. "Pick that underwear up." Y/n reached for it when he finally removed his foot from the top of it, stepping out of it and picking it up, even her ears red now out of humiliation. "Put it on your head." Another sob left her as he pinched and played with her breast, loving the authority he had over her.

"Fe- M- Master…" Shaking her head, she tried to back away but Felix wasn't having it.

"What did I just fucking say?!" He snapped, towering over her when the boy stood up, making her cower down before she put the smelly article over her head, biting her lips to stop her sobs from escaping. "Such a good toy…" Felix cooed this time, rubbing her head as he pulled it down and covered her eyes with the waistband, pulling her pigtails out of the sides.

"Fuck… you look good. Just how a dumb brainless slut should look." Fishing his phone out, he smirked. "This proves how you've no problem with being brainless. You look fucking retarded but you're doing it because Master said it. That's exactly what this is about. Obedience" before he suddenly kissed her briefly, making her gasp.

"Now~ smile wide for a picture…" Before he turned the camera on and stepped back, making sure her whole body was in frame. Fuck. Felix was so fucking painfully hard. "Come on… don't be shy" he taunted when she sobbed in protest, making him switch to video instead. "Fine, then." His taunting smile dropped to a firm expression as he approached her, placing his feet on hers before he smacked her face, catching it all on camera.

"Aigooo~" he mimicked her, smacking her other cheek, uncovering her eyes but still keeping the underwear on her head. He decided that it will be a new style for her. "Look at this whore~" Y/n's flushed cheeks now received some more slaps before he placed his hand on her nose and pushed it back, chuckling loudly. "Awww such a cute little fuck piggy we have here… she loves this doesn't she?" When she continued to cry, Felix smacked her head and pulled at the girl's ponytail. "DOESN'T SHE?"

"Y- Yes, Master! Yes!"

"Good girl" pushing her nose back to look like a pig's again, the male spat at it. "Now tell Master you're thankful. Get on your knees and be good."

"T- Thank you, M- Master…" The girl cried out, slowly getting on her knees now. "Thank you s- so much…" Felix parted her legs by his foot, cutting the footage and tossing his phone on the bed before kicking her pussy, causing Y/n to jerk forward, face banging straight into his cock.

A moan left him before he grabbed both her ponytails, wrapping them around his hands. "Now I have a present for you. I bought it all a while back and have been keeping it hidden and safe for when I get a fuck piggy. And now that you're here, I'll give you it."

Yes, Felix was pissed at her and yes, he loved destroying her but he was no asshole. She still had that cute little whore face he adored.

Crouching down in front of her, he gripped her chin and kissed her lips again, ignoring her gasp and kissing her again before spitting right on her tongue. "Swallow it and wait for Master to be back. Face down and ass up. I shouldn't have to fuckin repeat myself."

Y/n trembled as she struggled to swallow his spit, bowing down on the ground, slowly raising her nude ass back up. A few moments passed with Felix bringing stuff over and near her, fumbling with things in his closet before he finally closed it and walked to her. "Aren't you lucky? Finding an owner without even looking. There's so many pets like you who have no Master… or not a good one at least, you know…" Standing behind her, Felix rubbed the lube all over the tiny and thick piggy tail assplug. "Aren't you lucky?"

The girl knew what he wanted to hear so she nervously started, having no idea what the boy was about to do. "Y- Yes, Master… v- very luc- AHHHH!" She could only lay there and weakly cry as Felix laughed loudly at her scream because he'd pushed the plug in, tapping her ass.

"Good piggy~" the male cooed and hooked a thin chain to a small loop on top of the plug, slowly making her sit up in silence, the only sounds being her weak sobs. "Just… give in… it'll hurt less that way and you'll be happier." His eyes were trained on what he was doing, the long chain extending from down her plug having nose hooks at the other end that he plugged in her nose, chuckling when her eyes widened as she located the small cage in front of her.

"Oh, yeah. That is your new crib" Felix was clearly loving this. Kissing her stretched little piggy nose, he placed the pink piggy ears on her underwear covered head, followed by a pink collar that had a small bell attached to it. "You look so beautiful…" Kissing her lips again, Felix attached weights to her nipples, making her whine out in pain as she tried to stop his hands. "Oho~" he swatted her hands away, grabbing the piggy hands and feet before putting them on her, finally folding her limbs and binding them.

"Hmmm… that's like a good filthy little fuck pig." Before he attached a leash to her collar and gulped, feeling his balls ache now due to the masterpiece he'd made, pulling at the leash to have her crawl in the cage before he closed it, chuckling at how she kept tripping. "Clumsy pig." Before he started to take pictures, taunting and humiliating her all the while.

.

When Felix was satisfied with the photoshoot, he opened the cage and walked to the bed, holding her leash and pulling her with him. "Now… the fun part." Before he tucked his aching cock out much to her horror, sitting down on the bed and pulling her in between her legs. Pumping his cock a little, the male moaned loudly as he started to piss on her face, chuckling loudly when she yelled and protested, trying to move away but only falling on her face, choking when he harshly pulled at her leash, forcefully pushing his cock in her mouth. "You better swallow that!"

Y/n started crying loudly again, wails leaving her throat as his hot piss started travelling down her throat, making her choke and gag as he loudly laughed. "What a useless piggy! Can't even be a good urinal." Before he smacked her face again, now starting to fuck her mouth fast and rough, hitting his hard tip against the back of her throat before forcefully pushing in, a trail of piss and spit hanging down her lips.

"Fuck… fuck…" Felix moaned loudly, his cock twitching inside of her and pulsating from how fucking good it felt. From her soft mouth to her tight throat, to how he could see his cock against her skin, her eyes widened when her breath supply would totally cut off from his balls getting stuffed between her lips.

"Fuck… you're no good… I'll have to train you plenty" her cries were causing shivers and vibrations up his cock as he fucked her face up and down his cock by her ponytails, kicking her pussy as he went faster and faster, his hips starting to ache from how much strength it was causing.

"What a dumb slut!" Pulling his cock out of her throat, he kicked her on her back, making her arch her back when the tail plug brushed against the floor. "I need that useless fucking pussy now. It better be worth it." Y/n felt scared and nervous for her vagina now as he warned and crawled over her now, pushing his way forcefully inside, biting down at her lip when he felt her hymen tear and lube his cock up.

"I am going to make an absolute mess out of you." He promised, his deep voice sending shivers down her sweaty body. "My mess."

.

I am sorry if it was too rough sjskso you said like bullying gone wrong-

[kudzushadow]

There for You | Part 1 of 3 | A Harlivy Fanfiction

Summary: After Harley finds Ivy in tears on the floor of the bathroom, realization dawns on her about how hard the past year had been on Ivy, from literally dying (1x12) to mind control. (2x12) They have a heartfelt conversation about the events leading up to the moment, and learn that sometimes it's ok to confide in the ones you care for. (Based on the scene from Eat Bang! Kill Tour: Issue #1)

Hurt/Comfort | TW: Past trauma mentions, slight hints of past abuse. | Spoilers for Harley Quinn: The Animated Series & Eat Bang! Kill Tour: Issue #1

See bottom for extra notes!

-

"...Ive?" Harley's eyes widened as she rounded a corner and was greeted with a sight that made her heart ache.

Ivy sat on the bathroom floor, head buried in her hands as her whole body shook with sobs. 

Harley was immediately kneeling by her side, arms wrapping protectively around her girlfriend without a second of hesitation. "Shh. It's alright, Ive. Everything's going to be ok…" Ivy had been acting strange since the wedding, but she hadn't been willing to open up to Harley. Now Harley was beyond worried, it was clearly more serious than the redhead had been letting on.

Ivy immediately relaxed into the blonde, tucking her face into Harley's chest. Eventually her sobs quieted down, but Harley could feel her trembling as she held her. While she tried to figure out what to say, she rubbed Ivy’s back comfortingly. 

After a couple moments of silence, after holding Ivy, feeling her tremble, listening to her uneven breathing… seeing her tear stained cheeks… realization began to dawn on Harley. God, she was so stupid and oblivious! She’d been so focused on her own feelings, she hadn’t even begun to consider Ivy’s… and how hard it must’ve been, being stuck in the middle of everything. 

“Ivy… I'm sorry. I’m so sorry… I’ve been so caught up in my own feelings, I hadn’t given any thought to how heavy all of this must weigh on you…” She brushed a strand of hair from Ivy’s face before continuing. “You’ve been through so much this past year, and I’ve been a pretty shitty friend. I should’ve been there for you, I should’ve helped you, should’ve protected you… and if I could go back in time and do it all differently, I would. A thousand times over.”

“...but I can’t, and that’s something I’ll regret as long as I live. Yet you’ve always been there for me, even when I created huge messes… when I joined the Legion of Doom, when I went back to Joker, when I released an army of parademons, when the Injustice League froze me… god, that last one sucked. Yet you rescued me. You always rescue me, Ive. Always help me. Always take care of me, even though I’m not sure I deserve it most of the time…” Harley looked away, shutting her eyes for a moment before forcing herself to continue. “...Ivy, you don’t have to pretend to be strong in front of me. You’re hurting… and that’s ok. We all hurt sometimes, but that doesn’t make us weak… or… or less human. I’m here now though. I want to share that burden with you, if you’ll let me.” Harley looked back at Ivy, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. “I love you, Ive. I love you so much… and if you ever… yknow, want to talk about… well, anything at all, really… I just want you to know I’m here.” 

Ivy turned her head away, and the next few minutes passed slowly in silence. Harley held Ivy, didn’t once let go, but with each passing second she became increasingly worried she’d done something wrong. Was it something she’d said? Oh god, had she made it worse? 

“Ive, I didn’t mean-”

“Harley.” Ivy pulled away slightly, raising her head so she could meet Harley’s wide blue eyes. “I-” She paused, choking back a sob. “I hurt you, I hurt Chuck… I hurt so many people… all because I didn’t know what I wanted then… and to be honest, I’m not sure what I want now, either…”

Harley’s heart dropped, and she opened her mouth to respond before Ivy cut her off.

“-...but Harley… so much has happened. You’ve made mistakes, I’ve made mistakes… and you’re trying to change… that’s good, and I’m proud of you… but you're right, we can’t change the past, no matter how hard we try.” Ivy shut her eyes, letting out a shaky exhale before continuing. “Opening up… relationships… hell, just being around other people is… is hard for me… but you showed me the good in humanity. That not all humans are… are monsters. My life before I met you… was… lonely. Even with all my plants, I had nobody to talk to. Nobody to confide in… but I liked it that way. It was safe. Nobody was going to judge me, or… or abandon me... and I guess that’s why I… why I chose Chuck… because he was the safer option.”

I trust you, with my life… but I don’t trust you with my heart.

Harley winced inwardly, but she understood where Ivy was coming from. Harley definitely didn’t have the best track record with… well, anything really. 

So I… I’m marrying Kiteman.

“I was… I was scared. Scared that if I… if I went with what my heart was telling me, it was just going to get broken… and after everything, I just… I couldn’t stand the idea of that happening. Of losing you again…” Ivy trailed off, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes.

You were my one friend, and I asked you for one favor, but instead you ditched me for the Joker, who treats you like shit! 

“Ivy… I had no idea you felt that way.” Harley spoke softly, using her free hand to lift Ivy’s chin so she could look into those beautiful green eyes… eyes whose depths she often found herself lost in. “I… didn’t know what I really wanted then. It was like… like I was trying to fill a hole inside me… like part of me was missing… and then, that night at the pit…” She smiled, using her thumb to brush a tear from Ivy’s cheek. “That was one of the most amazing nights of my life. I hadn’t realized… I hadn’t realized what it felt like to have someone else care about you. To have someone love you. Joker definitely never cared about me… not in the way you do… and... y'know, maybe I didn’t deserve it. Like I said, I haven’t always been the most reliable… but that changes today… if you’ll give me a shot, that is…”

Ivy looked up at Harley as she brushed the tear away, and smiled sadly. “...You’re trying to change… and that’s what matters. Harls, I do love you. A lot…. More than I care to admit… and… this whole relationship thing is new to me, but… I’m… I’m willing to give it a shot. To give you a shot… and today… today was proof of how much you’ve changed. How much you’re willing to sacrifice for others…” Ivy rested her head on Harley’s shoulder, but her mind was clearly wandering.

“...but that’s not all that’s troubling you, is it?”

“...perceptive as always.” Ivy chuckled halfheartedly, then looked away again. “It’s… it’s fine. It’s nothing important…”

“Well, I am a psychiatrist… but seriously Ive, you can tell me anything.” Harley stroked her cheek. “You know that.” 

“Harley, I really don’t want to talk about it… can we just… can you help me out of this dress?”

“...yeah. Sure thing.” Harley stood up before reaching out a hand to help Ivy up. She definitely wasn’t going to let this drop that easily, but Ivy clearly didn’t want to talk anymore right now… so instead Harley busied herself with the zipper of Ivy’s wedding dress and the sights underneath.

- End of part 1 -

I think all of it copied and pasted? If it looks like anything is missing please lmk!

This... this is what quarantine, lack of sleep, and having covid does to you. Helps you get over writers block. This is my first work I've gone public with, and originally I wasn't going to post it but a friend gave me the confidence to share it! So... here it is, I guess?

I was going to post it on Archives of Our Own too, but I have to wait till the 14th to get an account. 😐

Comments mean the world, even if it's just a couple words. I'll even take criticism to heart! By commenting you all can let me know what you think, and if you want to see the other parts...

Any interaction is appreciated, and my inbox and dms are always open! Thank you, and have a great day! (Or night!)

[moonlightchess]

a warning: mentions of child abuse below.

I grew up choking in the grip of an unhinged fundamentalist christian fanatic who routinely beat me, screamed at me, called me horrific names, would regularly slam her way into my bedroom at one in the morning shrieking and slapping me all around my head and shoulders because jesus apparently told her what a wretched little whore bitch I was - at 8 years old - until I never slept. I dissolved into anxiety, depression, and even occasional hallucinations because I went to school every day to be brutally bullied by my teacher and classmates, and then came home to my grandmother's fists and curses, and I couldn't sleep. I'd sit up every night waiting for her to bash my bedroom door open, spittle flying as she shrieked at me about christ the lord. I started hiding food in my bedroom because every time I ventured into the kitchen to eat, she'd circle the table hissing and sneering, "eat, fatass. I know that's all you like to do. Eat, eat! Ugly little bitch."

And you want to know something funny? Everyone said I was spoiled.

I didn't have any friends, but the kids who sometimes spoke to me made it clear that at home they had chores, responsibilities, boundaries and expectations. My grandmother didn't give a shit. She never once bothered to encourage any of my interests or talents, I had no chores at home until she'd inevitably boot open my bedroom door screaming at me to wash the damn dishes or whatever, but it wasn't a regular thing, just her whims. She never cared about my grades in school until they started to drop and she started worrying that people would think she was a bad guardian, so her solution was to tell me to do my math homework and that if it wasn't finished by the time she came back from doing laundry, she was going to beat my ass. My ass got beat whether or not it was finished.

I was free in a hideous way. No one cared what I did as long as I wasn't pregnant or in juvie. Kids at school would tell me how lucky I was, because their parents were constantly on their asses to join debate team because they're so good at it, to study for the history test with dad's help, to brush their teeth and make friends. My grandmother never cared about any of that, and when I did start branching out on my own, she never showed up to any of my chess tournaments or poetry readings because she "didn't have time for my bullshit." I had no guidance, I cried all the time, I crawled home to eat in front of my little TV and read all night and no one cared because I wasn't pregnant or arrested.

I grew up. I had no idea how the hell to write a check, apply for college, drive a car, none of that had ever been taught to me. I was emotionally starved and completely without guidance or a safety net or support or anything. I was a barely functional adult. I skipped whole semesters of classes because I was depressed and I'd always been depressed and no one had ever told me that I don't deserve to be depressed and that help is out there. When you spend your whole life in pain and everyone around you pretends it's normal and fine and you're just a lazy melodramatic idiot, eventually you learn it to be true. My entire life is a constant internal struggle of, "is this pain normal? Do other people experience this and just brush it off? Am I just as pathetic as she always said?"

Especially since I'd grown up so spoiled.

It's okay to acknowledge that Something Is Wrong. It took me so long to do so, and now at 30 here I am, mourning the person I could have been, should have been, the childhood and adolescence I lost. I've never had any close friends, my family isn't close. The Boy comes from a similar background, and I am so grateful to finally have someone who understands and will tell me point blank that no, being in pain is not normal, that's why it's painful. I had a wisdom tooth that desperately needed pulling and it hurt the entire right side of my face for months, and it never even occurred to me to make an appointment, ask for help, because I am so very used to ignoring my own hurting.

I tried. When I was small, I cried all the time. I never played with the other kids, I read during recess, and when my teachers asked Ma to come to school to discuss it, she informed them that I'm pretty fucking stupid and I never shut my damn mouth with all my crying, which was probably why the other kids didn't like me. Clearly it was my fault. Luckily for her, they all just shrugged and let it go.

Something Was Wrong, and Something Is Wrong, and it's only now that I am slowly coming to accept that without the sense of terrified dread that used to grip me at the idea of anything thinking I was anything less than fine and happy because my grandmother always made it very clear that the second my bullshit made anyone start talking about her, my ass was getting whooped so hard I'd never cry again. But I'm starting to care less about maintaining appearances. Shit hurts, and I am allowed this anger. I'm allowed to hurt, and so are you.

[kutscene-kestin]

Ahai friend! I took a moment to scroll through your blog and I can't even find out your character's name 👀 she's a dragonhunter, apparently, and has fire-phobia, and likes fishing, but that's all. I also saw a comment saying you didn't talk much about her because you have nobody to talk with 👀

SO! Tell me about your Commander! If you need prompting, have a #1 from the Commander asks: Which dragon scared your commander the most? But feel free to pick any from the list or make up your own! Mostly tell me her name. The absolute lack of such has got me antsy XD. And maybe have a screen of her?

Much rambling ahead! More to come later too. I won’t do a formal writeup or anything, I’ll probably just drop bits and pieces as they come to mind, and then expand each bit and piece into a massive paragraph because that’s how I roll, as you will soon see.

Ahah, well...when I first start playing a game, before I get involved with the story, I default to seeing the character as "my account" rather than, well, a character, so I tend to use my own username. So her name is Kestin. Yeah. Her last name is Fortuna because of my friends who got me into the game in the first place, but she doesn't use it much -- she didn't even know her own last name until she was 14 or 15. Her life story before and up through level 10 is sort of an adaptation of someone else's adaptation of the storyline as presented in-game. She was your standard self-sufficient wannabe-badass street orphan, and spent some years as a gofer/occasional enforcer for a brutal street gang. Then the human tutorial and everything happened and she helped the Seraph weed them out, at the cost of her best friend and surrogate brother, Quinn (who is a character in game but is not really given much characterization there so I kinda just made shit up). In her childhood she often looked up to Balthazar as an inspiration and motivation to keep fighting when times got hard. So, y'know, it sucked killing her own god later on and everything, though of course he wasn't the last person/figure she looked up to.

She's technically a dragonhunter in game but I do consider her fighting style to be much more like what I've seen of a willbender. She moves around a lot, uses her limbs as much as her weapons, and she used dual swords before the game said she could, heh. She was kind of the archetypal scrappy little kid who had to teach herself to fight, though she learned a lot more later on both in the Vigil and from pure experience. Like I've said, she's really an amalgam of a lot of clichés. And definitely overpowered. And I don't even care. c:

The pyrophobia isn't a huge factor (it really can't be, because it would interfere with the plot) -- it's more of an aversion (actually kind of like my own; I can stand being in a room with a fireplace, but lighting candles makes me nervous, for one example) and a general preference for cooler temperatures. At least according to her. She pretends that nothing ever affects her, so even I'm not always sure where she really is psychologically, other than "a ticking time bomb". The whole "go to sleep in a nice puffy snowbank, really, it's fine" thing Jormag tried to get her to believe also probably influenced her, making her feel calmer in the cold even though she knew that was an attempt to make her, y'know, die and stop being a threat to the new world order.

As for which dragon scared her the most? I've been thinking about that one for several days now, but she had issues with both Zhaitan (due to 1. her general inexperience with apocalyptic shit and 2. the undead are really freaky you guys) and Jormag (due to the way they could get into her head). She refuses to admit that either of them outright scared her, but she's probably lying. Everyone knows she's probably lying. She still lies. The last person she was ever really honest with was Trahearne. And then she had to kill him. (I don't ship them -- it's hard for me to ship her with anyone, really. She's not supposed to be aro/ace, but I am, and that limits my imagination capabilities.)

Here’s a screenie. If I could draw, I’d provide you with a much better estimate of what she (and her armor) looks like, buuut I can’t. One thing I can tell you is that she’s kind of small, though. Not outrageously, but enough that strangers would underestimate her. Moar clichés yay.

[icarusfallsforwalls]

tbh... people would rather discuss his name than have to have more painful discussions about the role they and their faves have played in the racism he faced, lbr. a LOT of 1d fans have done racist things over the years. some of them blatantly openly racist (the ones holding terrorist signs, throwing things at him, etc) but a lot more have been passively racist (pushing ugly narratives, having double standards, believing unsourced tabloid nonsense about him that they'd instantly question about the others, the whole "he's so mysterious~ and brooding~" shit, etc).

we've ALL done it at some point, as much as it hurts to admit. i'm a woc and zayn has always been my #1, but even i'm guilty of holding him to different standards than the whites. it's a societal thing. we've all been raised in a racist world and we've all internalised certain messages, even those of us who are literally asian sjfhsjf.

it's like women claiming they shave their legs because they "want to". we all know that's nonsense and we do it because if we go outside hairy we'll be ridiculed and considered lazy and disgusting, but none of us like to admit we've crumbled to societal misogyny. "i just like having smooth legs!" we say, even thought we are all aware that when we're home alone and won't be seen, we never shave or do our makeup or anything. racism works the same - it infiltrates every aspect of life and all our interactions and none of us have escaped its web of deceit.

i mean, hell, how many of us have gone "omg i'd love a 1d reunion" or "i wish zouis would talk again" or whatever? i would NEVER talk to any of my white ex-colleagues who had stayed silent while i was being racially abused en masse, and yet, despite that fact, i still expect zayn to put himself through it just because i like louis. even if the individual 1d boys weren't the issue (zayn has the bus1 tattoo for a reason - clearly louis was his friend and not just a colleague), having to put himself back into 1d territory would undoubtedly stir up a lot of traumatic memories of things and people who WERE racist.

and we all know that! we're not stupid! we are 100% aware of the trauma he faced in that band, both from the fandom and the management and the media. and yet we still expect him to package it all up into a neat little box, tie a bow around it, and hand it to us like a gift. even those of us who are poc, who have similar trauma, who KNOW who awful that would be to go through. it's so insidious! we're all guilty!

and i think a lot of fans are stuck in a very childish mindset where you are either a good person or you are a big scary racist. (to be cringey and quote sirius black: "the world isn't divided into good people and death eaters, harry"). but that isn't how it works. no one is perfect and pure. no one has escaped the societal pressure of racism. it isn't a moral failing to put your hands up and go "damn, i'm part of the problem, i'll try and do better in future". like, that's literally all it would take! no one is expecting white fans to start whipping themselves in repentance!!! but a lot of these fans are struggling with that, clearly lol. they'd rather hyperfocus on one little line of cathartic and pretend it's a big deal, cus it's easier to talk about "zayn vs zain" or whatever than it is for them to analyse their own behaviour. but, like, their refusal to discuss the part they've played in the fandom's racism is literally just reinforcing the issue!! this is what zayn meant when he was said nobody is listening!

sfjsfhs sorry i've written you such an huge essay lmaooo. might set it to a cool beat and drop it on soundcloud, @zayn hit me up boy!!! sjfhsfjs

Oh my gosh, this was such a great read. Thank you for sending this to me! And quoting Sirius Black! And your joke at the end; this is iconic. You also touch on some very real and important points.

I have always felt so deeply for and sympathized with these issues, but I could never truly understand because while I am white and hispanic, I am white-passing and have white privilege. I hate evil and discrimination and racism, but I'm also sure I have at times contributed to it, even unintentionally. As you said, it is deeply engrained into our society, our entertainment, our jobs, our conversations, our jokes, our lives, our thoughts, our homes. It is in fandom too and I've always noticed a different tone (mainly when I'm on twitter) when people speak about Zayn. They cut him no slack. They question his motives. He is always judged so harshly. His music and lyrics are often ignored. And the Zouis breakup is usually always placed on his shoulders, even though we don't know the actual truth of what happened between the two. I've been thinking about this the last couple of days and even more so after listening to Cathartic. Zayn Malik is a grown ass man. A POC who was mistreated and discriminated against while in One Direction and still. He knows his trauma and is allowed to do what is best for him (Calamity). I wish Louis and Zayn would publicly be friends again, that is no secret, but it's not necessarily fair of me to put that on their shoulders because it has more to do with me than what is best for them. I still love and always will love Zouis, but it's in the past and that's how I'll celebrate it from now on because I do think they cared for each other very much.

@anon thank you so much for sharing this perspective. It’s always welcome and appreciated.

[malfoysmaybank]

drivers license - stanley barber

a/n: i was having some writers block on my requests and i’ve been sobbing to this song on repeat, so here’s a fic for my bebs stanley barber. i also changed one lyric from “blonde girl” to “one girl” because it fit the plot more!

warnings: angst, you might cry (i did while writing this lols), parent absence, fluff at the end because i couldn’t break my heart with this one, but some straight angst is coming soon!!!!

word count: 1.7k+

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You had been best friends with Stanley Barber since you were young, maybe 10. You had stood up for him when some kids were pushing him around because of his outfit. 

“Hey! Get off of him!” You said, yelling at the trio of 5th grade boys pushing another boy to the ground. “Or what, Y/N? You’ll tattle? We aren’t scared of a girl.” The leader of the pack said. You clenched your jaw and punched him straight in the nose. You weren’t going to let a man talk to you like that. The leader started crying and ran off, his sidekicks following after him. You walked over to the boy on the ground and helped him up. “T-Thanks for that.” He said as he got back up. “No problem. I’m Y/N, by the way. Y/N Y/L/N.” You extended your hand for a handshake. He took it. “Stanley. Stanley Barber.”

You’ve been close ever since. You ate lunch with him that day and  bonded over silly things like tv shows and favorite colors. In middle school, he helped you develop your style and you bonded over new things like favorite bands and books. You had his back and he had yours. He truly was your best friend.

However, you started seeing Stanley in a new light in eighth grade. He had gotten taller, his face a little more structured. He also learned how to play guitar that year. He wrote a song about you, of all things. Nobody had ever done something like that for you before. You started noticing the little things he did for you. He would randomly bring a bag of your favorite candy to lunch if he saw you were having a bad day. He taught you how to play piano because he thought it sounded nice with your voice. You fell in love with Stanley Barber. Fuck. Of course you’d NEVER tell him. You couldn’t fuck up the only good thing in your life right now. So that meant silently suffering whenever he had a crush on someone.

That’s the issue, you couldn’t be happy for him when he was with someone else. You spent countless days crying alone in your room after he’d go on for hours about his newest crush. This continued for a straight 3 years. His newest crush was Sydney Novak. You thought this one would blow over, just like his past few, but it didn’t. In fact, this one was the strongest crush he’s ever had. He’d been ditching you to hang out with her. He wasn’t even there to see you get your drivers license, something he’d been so encouraging about. He basically taught you how to drive because he knew how much it meant to you. He didn’t even know you had passed your test, never once asking. But in the sparse moments when he didn’t blow off plans, he’d constantly be talking about her. One of those sparse moments being tonight.

You were currently in his room/basement and he was going on one of his Sydney rants. “She’s so cool, Y/N. I mean, I’ve never met someone who I’ve clicked with more.” Um ouch, but whatever. “I don’t know, she’s just different. Like, in a good way though.” Three deep breaths, Y/N. 3… “We even hooked up the other night.” 2… “I think I’m in love with her.” 1. “Look Stanley, not to be rude, but do you EVER shut up about her?!” You spat. He looked over at you in shock. “I can’t do this tonight… I’m leaving.” You grab your ‘save the earth’ backpack and start jogging up the stairs to leave. 

He follows as you open the door to his garage. “Woah, woah, woah, Y/N. What’s up?” Stan calls from behind you. You grab your skateboard and lift up the garage door. It’s pouring outside, but you don’t care. You go to leave but feel a hand on your wrist stop you. “You’re not going out in weather like that, just come inside and we can talk.” He says gently, still slightly confused. “About what, Sydney again? Don’t you get it Stanley?!” You snap in his face. His eyebrows furrow and you let out a sarcastic laugh, tears building in your eyes. “Of course you don’t. You’ve been so wrapped up in Sydney that you forgot who I was! I’m so done, Stan. I can’t sit here and pretend that I don’t care anymore. Don’t bother hanging out with me anymore.” You snap and rip your wrist away from Stanley’s grip. 

You drop your board and get on, pushing as fast as you can. He calls after you but you block him out. When you’re a far distance away from him and his house, you just sit down on the side of the road and cry. Hurt that he’ll never be yours. Angry that he doesn’t care about you anymore. Frustrated because you tried to be the glue that held your friendship together, but even glue can’t fix the titanic.

You didn’t go to school for the next week. Your parents wouldn’t care, they weren’t even here. Still on some ‘business trip’ just like every week. Instead, you did something that calms you. Wrote music about how you were feeling. You played piano basically all week. Singing anything and everything you were feeling. It made you feel worse sometimes, but in the end it felt worth it.

Stan pulled into your driveway in his dad’s piece of shit car. He needed to work this out with you, he hadn’t seen you all week and he was worried. He missed his best friend. As he quietly closed the car door, he heard the piano playing. He didn’t recognize the song, he was curious. He didn’t even bother knocking, knowing you would slam the door in his face if you knew it was him. He quietly shut the front door and he heard your voice. It got louder as he walked closer to your bedroom door. He’d always loved your voice, it put him to sleep some nights. He could see you slightly, the door left ajar. He listened in.

“I got my drivers license last week,

Just like we always talked about.

'Cause you were so excited for me

To finally drive up to your house.

But today I drove through the suburbs,

Crying 'cause you weren't around”

You sang flawlessly, not a single note out of tune. There was so much emotion behind your voice. So much hurt, anger, frustration. He continued listening, trying to find out who caused you so much hurt. He’d bash their face in, that’s for sure.

“And you're probably with that one girl

Who always made me doubt.

She's so much older than me,

She's everything I'm insecure about”

With that first line, it hit him. He’d caused this hurt. The anger, the frustration, that was him. He was so angry with himself that he almost missed the next line… almost.

“Yeah, today I drove through the suburbs,

'Cause how could I ever love someone else?”

You… you loved him? He’d spent so much time on Sydney that he hadn’t even realized what was in front of him all these years. Except he had.

“And I know we weren't perfect, but I've never felt this way for no one.

And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone.”

God damn it! He could’ve confessed sooner, instead of ignoring his feelings. And for what? A mindless hookup with Sydney?! He could’ve had you this whole time, but he fucked up.

“....Guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me.”

You said that line softly. No anger, or frustration, or even confusion behind that line. Just hurt. He saw a single tear fall down your cheek as you stopped singing. There was more to that song, you just couldn’t continue. He’d be sure to ask you to sing the rest of it later, but right now he needed to fix this. You stood up from the piano bench and he burst through the door. “Stanley, what are you doi-” You couldn’t even finish your sentence before he wrapped his arms around you and brought your head to his chest. “I meant every word of that damn song. Every word. I’m so sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry.” Tears flowed down your face as you tightly hugged him back and buried your face in the crook of his neck. “I love you. And I’ll be better for you. I should’ve treated you with the respect and love you deserve. I swear I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you. Please give me a second chance, please.” He cried. “I love you too, Stan.” You started. “But I don’t know.” He squeezed you tighter (but still as gentle as possible, he didn’t want to hurt you), with more tears flowing out of his eyes. “Please, Y/N. I’ll be better. If I give you anything less than the love and attention you deserve, you have my full permission to punch me square in the face and kick me to the curb.” You both giggled, still crying. 

He let go of you to hold your face in his hands. “Please?” He begged. “...Okay, fine. But we need to go over how you’re going to do better in the future and what we can do to help each other communicate better and stuff.” You said. He picked you up and spun you around, making you squeal. “Thank you, thank you, thank you, Y/N!! I promise I’ll make it up to you, I promise.” You laughed as he set you down and leant down to whisper in your ear. “Want to hear a secret?” He said, sending shivers down your spine. “I never liked Sydney.” He laughed as you hit his chest. “You dick!” You exclaimed, shocked. He swiftly pulled you in by the waist, your faces inches apart as your hands rested on his chest. “You love me, though.” He whispered. “That I do.” You said and finally closed the gap. Damn, you could kiss this boy forever. Alas, the moment is cut short because unfortunately, humans need oxygen to survive. “I love you too.” He says and smiles, giving you a peck on the forehead. “Could you sing the rest of that song for me? I love your voice but that songwriting was INCREDIBLE.” He says and you nod.

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permanent taglist: 

@loonylunaandthenargles​

[zuffer-weird-girl]

I'M LATE I KNOW OKAY I HAVENT BEEN ON MY BEST FOR THE PAST MONTH IM SORRY

Kai handsome man come back to ussssss 😫

Okay, first I gotta apologize for not being activated for a while due to personal problems. But little by little is getting better.

Second, Happy late (supposed) birthday my dear Overhaul amazing Kai Chisaki!

Not so pointless day

You blinked a bit when some rays of the sun rose invaded the room and hitted the slightest the bedsheets and on your face, indicating that it was finally time to get up.

You turned ever so slowly your face to see the man right behind you. Peaceful sleep on his handsome face, one thing that it was rarity due to his late work hours... a smile appeared on your lips at seing your lover so relaxed and you had to really control yourself to just not carress his handsome face or to even kiss him.

You already had plans today. And since you got Pops and most of the subbordinates of the Shie Hassaikai by your side on this idea, there was no way Kai would know about this! And you had to be extremely careful or your boyfriend would end up discovering everthing!... much like last time.

You shifted a bit to ever so slowly left the bed sheets for you to slide your legs out of the bed on the cold floor... but just when you were about to lift up, you had noticed that Kai was with one arm wrapped around your midsection.

Great. Just on the day you just couldn't be on the bed cuddling with him and just couldn't wake him up, he HAD to have a grip on you. Perfect. Just GREAT.

Cursing under your breath you slowly lifted his muscled arm up enough for you to slide on the bed and gently place it back down. You tip toed, still with looking at Kai, and just when you had reached the door of the bathroom you made the mistake of sigh in relief.

"I know what you're pretending to." His low and full of sleep voice manifested from the bed and you immediately cringed.

Curse his light sleep.

"H-Hey!!!" You smiled sheepish even seing that he didn't open his eyes still "Morning hands-"

"Get back on bed. Is early as shit and I don't have work." He mumbled with a hand on his face, groaning when he opened his eyes a bit only to close then again due to the sun light.

You giggled at his words, knowing that only when Kai was tired that he didn't care to let out one or two curse words.

"I would love to, but I've got plans and-"

"Yeah and you're not doing it." He said nonchantly, sending one eyed glare at your direction "Once again, I knwo what you're planning, and that's not happening."

"Wha? What are you talking about?" You felt a drop of cold sweat on the back of your neck, yet you did your best to hide your nervousness from Chisaki.

"Don't play dumb now (Y/n). You and I nnwo what day it is. And you're not doing shit." He growled while getting up on his elbows to fully stare at you from the bed.

"I didn't plan anything!" You lied, lifting your hands up in false defense as he arched one eyebrow at you, clearly not believing your words.

"Of course. Then you wouldn't mind to get back on the bed now?"

"Actually..." you poked your fingers together as you looked everywhere but his amber eyes "I-I.. I promised that I would help Pops on the garden!"

"What?" He arched his eyebrow even more, standing from his bed "No you didn't-"

"Yesterday! I-I promised him this and I couldn't just-" you forced a laugh when he got up and crossed his arms while staring you down, getting just a bit distracted at the show of his muscles "Deny it, right?"

"You're the worst liar I ever laid my eyes on (Y/n)." He nonchalantly spoke as you cringed even more before dead panning.

"Wait, is that a compliment or-" he interrupted you with kiss, shutting you up pretty quickly. His hands travelled down to your waist as he bitted lightly on your bottom lip to allow you to give him a entrance.

You sighed and moaned a bit at his touch and the kiss before he broke apart only to trail hot fervent kisses on your neck to stop right by your ear lobe to whisper huskily.

"I guess that maybe if you want to surprise me on this pointless day, then at least I got to choose what I want." He nibbled a bit on your ear lobe "Dont you agree my angel?"

Just when you were getting on his trap, a knock on the door made him grunt and you pout a bit.

"Master? Pardon me but we have to get out to solve a few things."

"Nemoto..." he growled in your neck and you remembered your plan on a flash, giving your best to not smile in yeargness.

Kai started to glare at the door and straightened his back up "I have sure that it was talked that this day I had a break." He said in annoyance, still holding you close to him.

"I do know of that master, and excuse me for this. But it is something important that can't just be waited." He rolled his eyes at that before looking at you, mentally either cursing poor Nemoto or apologizing to you.

"Go." You smiled warmingly at him before pecking his lips "We can continue this later when you come back." You whispered lovingly at him and mentally yelped in glee at the half smile he gave to you in a minor of seconds before he returned to his serious expression, telling Nemoto to give him a minute.

"Luckily it won't take much time." He muttered while picking his white tie and putting around his neck "Don't mess neither burn the house down while I'm out."

You scoffed playfully while getting up to tie his tie for him, smirking at the serious look he gave to you but knowing how he secretly loved the action.

"Right mister future leader of the yakusa." He growled while rolling his eyes, getting out and grabbing his jacket.

"I will see you in some hours." He said, subsconciously waiting for the three words he never had courage to say to you but secretely craved to hear it.

"Right! Bye!" You waved cutely at him, giggling at his deadpan look and a hint of dissapointment of not hearing an 'I love you'.

Just when Kai got out he nodded at nemoto who greeted him. Sneakily you poked your head out and smiled wide at Nemoto.

"Thank you so much!"

"Is not a problem (Y/n) sama." He bowed a bit "Which hour we have to get back again if you dont mind me asking?"

"I will send you a message or Rappa. Think only you both can take care of distracting him enough?"

"Rappa is an expert. He just doesn't have to die. While I have my methods." He smirked before waving at you politely when he got called out again as you got out of your room with a determined look.

"Is now or never!" You said to yourself just when Kai left the house. Chuckling while making your way to start the whole thing you had planned ever since the start of this month.

~

"And here I thought that you were joking when you wanted everthing perfect." Kurono muttered while double checking for any dirty on the halls as you got a message for a friend of yours that the cake you ordered was coming and was just to pick outside.

"We're talking about Kai here." You giggled as Hari was quiet for a minute before nodding with a 'fair enough'.

"GeT thE FuCk OuT Of My WaY ClEaNInG ThE FlOOr Is-"

"STOP YELLING AND JUST CLEAN IRINAKA!" Hojo shouted after Joi as he dried the floor right before him.

"I have to admit that I am surprised to see that you got everyone on the Hassaikai to collaborate." Kurono muttered as you both got out and you thanked the delivery man while picking up the box with a huff before thanking Hari for offering to carry it instead.

"I talked with you and Pops first."

"... That explains a lot." He peeked inside the box and whistled "Kai is going to freak out on all of this. You know more than I do that he hates surprises."

"But this one is a good surprise!" You whined while opening the door "How could he hate it?"

"Because it involves his birthday (Y/n)." He said suddenly on a serious tone as be walked along sides you to place the neatly cherry and vanilla cake on the center of the table.

"You do know already he doesn't give a shit neither celebrate it. Heck, it took him even begging Pops once to not celebrate his birthday when he made 16."

"I know." You sighed and looked at the clock "But at least one good memory I want to give it to him when this day comes. Is not fair that on my birthday he buys almost a whole market and on his birthday he says something like 'I just was born'; 'Nothing special happened on this day' or the worst: 'Why celebrate something that is not valid?'" The white haired man couldn't help but chuckle at your imitation of Kai before apologizing at seing your serious face.

"Well, he is not much of someone who celebrate those things."

"He can't complaint it if it isn't something giant!" You exclaimed just when Pops entered and chuckled at your dramatic action.

"I am relieved that my boy got someone like you to take care of him like that (Y/n)." The elder chuckled while you put your arms down with a blush on your face as the asshole in your side snorted.

"So?" He looked around with a serene smile "This was the start of your present for Chisaki. There is more?"

"I actually have two presents for him." You smiled before looking at Kurono "Did you and irinaka were the only ones that got him something asides from me and Pops Kurono-kun?"

"Negative." The man took out one hand of his white hoddie and pointed with his thumb outside "All the eight precepts got him something asides from Rappa."

"Why I am not surprised at this?" You sighed and both men chuckled at your action before Pops grabbed gently on your shoulder.

"Come (Y/n). I want to show you something." You made a surprised sound before Kurono nodded and told you he was going to take care of things while Pops dragged you to his own office.

"Have to say (Y/n), you're a blessing on our lifes." The elder sighed as he made his way to his desk as you looked around in awe.

"Oh! Is nothing!" You smiled at the elder "Kai always say how he doesn't particularly care, but I cam see the bit of... happines when I at least wish him a happy birthday... I guess." You looked at the ground witha shy smile before jerking your head up at hearing the elder footsteps and standing right in front of you with a smile with a coal black box on his hands.

"Seems like you know more of my Chisaki than I do." He opened the box and you widened your eyes with a gasp at seing the jewelry inside.

It was a pair of pigments with the symbols of the ying and yang separated. Both shined at the light of the room and you looked up at Pops with confusion.

"This belonged to me and my wife a long time ago." He looked up at you with a smile "You remind me of her sometimes kid."

He picked up the ying symbol while leaving the box on a table as he put the necklace on you.

"Despite us being japanese. She loved the concept of it, and I bought it. I never actually came to talk about her to Chisaki so I would like this to remain as a secret between us." You nodded a bit hesitantly before he smirked at the sign of you with the neck lace as he grabbed the box.

"The ying yang means two halves which come together to complete wholeness, both the sides are dependent on each other. And as I can tell by looking at you and my... son, you both belong-" he grabbed the yang symbol and hold your necklace, with a 'click', the two pieces were stuck together.

"Together." He showed you before splitting them apart and bringing your hand to his older one to close around the other necklace "Give this to Kai, I have other present for him."

You couldn't even mutter one word of gratitude or any for that matter before your phone buzzed up and you excused yourself to answer it.

~

"Please tell us we can go back." The man spoked as he watched Rappa dodging another attack of Chisaki on a abandoned alley "The situation here is critic. What happened? Well.." Nemoto took his cellphone out of his ear to make Chisaki's companion to hear the whole mess.

"THEY WERENT EVEN DEALERS YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE CLEAN FREAK!"

"Have on your mind that your movements Rappa are EASY TO PREDICT" In one second the man was overhauled and Nemoto hissed at that before bringing his phone close again.

"Sure we can go? Right, thanks (Y/n) sama."

"What about (Y/n)?" Chisaki muttered darkly while sending a cold glare at Nemoto who flinched a bit.

"Fuck."

~

"SOMEONE HOLD THIS FUCKER!" Kurono shouted as Hojo and Setsuno had a firm grip on each of Tabe's arms while Irinaka on his tiny form gripped the man's hair, as Tabe himself said the word 'EAT' franquily while trying to reach at the table.

You and Pops had just gotten back and the elder scowled at the attitude of his workers, like they were some kids.

"Enough is enough!" The elder shouted and everyone grew quiet and lowered their heads "How many years any of you have now? 2 to five now?! Due to your current attitude and behaviour I wouldn't be surprised." The elder crossed his arms as everyone on the room looked down in ashame.

You furrowed your eyebrows a bit before an idea popped out. You eargly went to table full of goods and put a good amount to every precept of each of the things you had ordered except the cake.

"Here! You guys can have those while Kai is not back yet!" You offered each one their pieces and giggled when Tabe just swallowed the whole thing... plastic plate and all.

"You're too good for the mafia (Y/n)." Setsuno chuckled as Hojo nodded with a smirk.

"Right right, every one of you out before Chisaki appear eh?" Irinaka slapped his hands when he returned to his normal form as you gave him a quizzical look before he got down to whisper in your ear "I'm sure the boss won't have it many people here despite all that bullshit."

You pouted and still promised everyone that got out to give them a piece of the cake.

"So?" Kurono came by your side "When the man of the party is coming?"

"By any min-" you flinched as Kurono and mimic grabbed their guns when they heard the door being slammed as some shouts were heard.

"I SWEAR TO FUCKING ALL MIGHT HAVE A CHILL YOU FUCKING SOCIOPATH! YOU ALREADY KILLED ME ONCE TODAY!"

"Repeat a hero's name on my house again. Go on. I dare you." You gulped at hearing Kai's tone of voice, full of wrath and disgust as some parts of the wall were overhauled.

Rappa stormed in the room along with Nemoto as they closed the door with a sigh... not caring about the looks they were receiving.

"Package delivered. I want my fifth bucks." Kendo extended his muscular hand to Irinaka who grumbled a bit and handed him the money.

"Is he..?" Kurono pointed at the door as Nemoto glared at Rappa.

"Furious thanks to someone here who decided to comment on (Y/n) sama again."

"YOU WERE THE ONE WHO STARTED-"

"That's it." The elder commented harshly, again silencing the room "Both are dismissed for now, you guys can come back later if you want anything to eat."

"I would let Rappa to starve boss." Mimic commented as Kurono hummed in agreement, ignoring Rappa's swear words.

You tip toed out of the room the moment the two men left the door, leaving them discussing with each other as you searched for Chisaki.

"Kai?" You called out and the said man appeared with a tired and angry expression. You smiled in sympathy while tilting your head as he aproached you "Rough day?"

"Only a nickname compared to what I had to atture." He growled before slidding his gloved hands through his dark brow looks. "Where the hell is those two-"

"Wait wait wait!" You stepped on his front with your hands on his chest "Can I show you something first?" He arched his eyebrow at you, bit still sighed and with a motion of his hand told you to proceed.

"You have to close your eyes." He deadpanned at that before his face scrunched up in realization.

"I swear to god." He muttered with a hand pinching between his eyebrows.

"Please???"

"I lost count of how many times I told you to not do anything!" He spatted while looking at you with a bit of dissapointment and anger.

"Please my capoo?" You put on your puppy eyes and hold your hands together as he glared down at you.

"I despise you." He sighed before closing his eyes, growling when he heard your yelp of glee and sensing you getting behind him.

"Can I touch you?"

"Washed your hands?" He sighed a d cringed a bit when the soft skin of your hands and arms brushed over his shoulders and part of his face not covered with a mask. "If you run me into a wall I swear that I will consider on overhauling you."

"Sure sure!" You giggled and tip toed due to his height to keep your hands close to his eyes and opened with your foot the door before whispering a 'there' on his ear.

He opened his amber eyes and arched a eyebrow at seing the sweet in front of him before he looked at you in suspense and the whole room. "How many years do you think I have?" He asked nonchantly but you rolled your eyes at him.

"No one is 'old enough' to have a little celebration on your birthday!"

"Is a pointless-"

"Not for me." You said in a serious tone and he seemed surprised at that, but his face stayed monotonous "Kai I love you more than anything! Is not a pointless day if a bunch of people care for you." You pointed at a pile of boxes and he arched one eyebrow at that "Those were some gifts that the eight precepts brough."

"Out of order I suppose."

"Geez dude accept already." Kurono said with a smirk before elbowing Kai on the arm, Chisaki immediately screeching at the area with a glare at his childhood friend, muttering a 'dont touch me'. "(Y/n) had all this work for you man." Irinaka muttered while munching on a snack.

Kai's glare turned into a soft gaze as he looked at you. Hesitation still on him, he grabbed one bottle of sake close to him, inspected a bit before popping it out. Scoffing at the cheers that his old man, companions and partner did at catching that he had accept it.

"Is your favorite flavor of cake my capoo!" You pointed at the cake, not seing his fond smile due to his black mask before he punched Irinaka and kurono for laughing at the nickname you gave it to him as the Pops shook his head with a laugh. Kai was at least a bit eased back for real to yours surprise! You could notice that despite his monotonous face, a little bit of happiness was still on his golden eyes that you loved so much.

"So?" You chirped on his side as he poked his generous piece of cake, mask down to his chin only to eat "Whatcha think??"

He only arched one eyebrow at you before doing something you never expected. He poked your nose with the uttensile he was using, you gasped at the action with the residues of cake on your nose before he smirked devilish at you, throwing the utensils away and catching you off guard by handing you a handkerchief and kissing your temple while no one was looking.

"Not so pointless. Happy now brat?" He muttered before getting to grab another uttensiles as you tried to understand what had just happened.

Bonus!

"How thoughtful and cliche no less." He inspected the yang necklace, you were a bit insecure before smilling widely at seing him putting the necklace around his perfect neck.

"That's not the whole thing!" You chirped before jumping out of the bed and going to the bathroom. He arched one eyebrow before widening his eyes at the clothing you were using. Showing all the parts of your body he loved the most...

"Do what you must do my capoo~" you cooed before crawling your way to his lap "Your final gift my love".

"And the only one I wanted to unwrap." He growled before twirling both of you around so he could be on top "Finally my truly desert." He growled close to your ear before... you know. Long night for the both of you ;)

[misterbitches]

i had the misfortune of finally watching/getting through what happened in whatever episode where he gets raped so im gonna talk about it and tag it cos that's what a bitch fuckin feels like, got it? i do what i want aint no limit bad ass bitch aint never been timid. woopsie realized i got the nicknames confused oh well lmao

it's just logistically and plot wise like there's literal plot holes in this and i'm taking the production and set-up into account along with the actual content and development. im an ARTIST OKAY im jk i mean i am and i am pretentious and terrible but look. i didnt get that degree and im not in a house worth of debt for nothing ok. it's called writing on tumblr about my grievances of shows that dont matter and do not respect me as a fat black american woman either so it is my fault yet here i am.

anyway it was worse than i imagined and their talk after (with chengren) was even worse. that's what i mean about making the lines their own (the actors) bc teng teng sounded like a straight up motherfucking moron and im like

bECAUSE IT'S HIM EVEN THO IM LIKE WHAT THE FUCK DID U JUST SAY U STUPID BITCH? but then it's like awwww and they also care about his wellbeing obviously??? but no? but it's like ok still teng teng said it even if it's stupid because he is a character and charles puts that forth. the people that fail the most to do that are xing si's family but that's not the actors fault because it's the literal material. you're like wait what but you just said...?

so i know they have no script editors i guess i think i find this season ACTUALLY fascinating because of just how egregious it is. i also went back and watched history: obsessed which i thought i liked because of their chemistry even though god the production....but i tried rewatching it and i was like wow this is worse than i remembered and the production issues were even worse because some of the music was SO LOUD AND BAD HOLY FUCK and their whole rship isssssss a sight to behold lmao

so man i guess it really is the power of anson/charles. which is good cos we love to see it...sort of but also a lot.

i honestly....because i've been able to pay attn more to the aftermath of the rape going back and putting it into more context and focusing (just barely lmao) is hm even worse. the inconsistencies are insane. it's not even just about the act but the writers have zero idea where they are going because they have no interest in exploring it. but the way in which it happens is like fascinating. yong jie literally thinks he owns xing si and it doesn't matter if he was kissing him or not or asked for a kiss on the lips (which dude what the fuck? i'll get to that) because he was plied with "extremely strong drinks" and his mom knew about it....which girl congrats you're an accomplice to the rape of your son by your other son?

but first of all...the kissing thing. in what fucking world would he (xing si) want that unless he thought he (yong jie) was someone else. i can't say their attraction is evident because we are being lead by this team to think so; they create this false sense of sensuality already so to me that signifies that they never intended for them to have a bond as brothers. it just feels cheap and fucking lazy (which it is.) even if he did, which doesn't make sense considering the context THEY CONSTRUCTED, it wouldn't matter because he was so fucking drunk which.... at that point nothing is fun, you feel sick, who wants sex like that? does he not have whiskey dick? did they have a condom? was it not painful for him considering? even if this was something to easily get over like was the dick good? it couldn't have been. and then, on top of that, there's the fact that you can change your mind or whatever but also that people do get aroused in these situations bc it is human nature (that's if they can literally get aroused which if the drinks were allegedly sooooo strong that nigga would be out so....again like even practically here it doesnt add up. have these people ever been drunk? if not, write what you know girl. cos sometimes it's like i think some of u r trying to be cool when u dont have 2 b lmao)

so yong jie coming on to him previously may be seen as like push-and-pull but here's the thing. right after it happens (the rape and it's rape so call it that you'll be okay) xing si gets up and goes home and is terrified and upset. he acts like what we have seen or even felt after a violation. he's scared, clutching his bag, it's like...you know...decently coming off as truly distressing (the actor isn't bad at all and i like that he's dark. i just massively hate this for him but hey at least he can show some chops.) like honestly man that fucking sucks and hurts to see. if we've been there we feel it. or part of it is realizing belatedly what happened. a lot of times that drop in your stomach is the worst.

but somehow for some reason, to which i cannot understand, the three of them begin to talk as if xing si pressured him? which maybe i missed something and that is possible—dont feel like going back to look—but that also made no sense. like what kind of false memory is this? why would he think he wasn't willing? and if he thought yong jie wasn't and that he pressured him how does he remember like...anything about the sex?!?!??!? besides waking up and being with him. like i guess he felt yong jie's MASSIVE DONG imprint but ??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE!!!!!

god then the logic of the top/bottom thing is like i said i wasnt going to get into it but it's actually really funny. this whole thing was hilarious. honestly because I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT MEANS. he could have totally raped him in that way but how did you get to this CONCLUSION FROM THAT??????? BY YOUR LOGIC THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS? IF HE IS THE BOTTOM AND PENETRATION IS THE ONLY FORM OF TRUE CONSUMMATION AND RAPE BECAUSE APPARENTLY, BASED ON ANATOMY, IF YOU HAVE A DICK IN UR BUTT UR A GIRL THEN HOW. DOES. THIS. MAKE. SENSE. AND THEN

AND THEN

AND THEN

AND THEN

this whole stupid conversation happens so we get to the conclusion that xing si violated him ok cool but that means that something is wrong. that is the CONCLUSION WE CAME TO A SECOND AGO?

also the other rapist is a villain and muren isn't in love with him so, once again, you're breaking the rules of your own world about acceptability which is why most of this is absolutely mind bogggglinG that iit's fuckign comical. like i actually when i can stomach it start laughing or my jaw is slack because it's so insulting as a viewer because there is like 0 logical followthrough.

because whatshisface barges in, kisses him in front of his friends without permission, then says whether you were willing or not which is hm. at that point how u gonna change that around but let's not bother with logic here. i am simply here to point out how this makes no sense according to the rules they set up even outside of the basic rule of life which is hm dont rape people maybe.

so now we know xing si was raped, they believe he was raped, he himself believes he was raped, and whatshisface literally says he doesn't care even if he was willing (he wasn't) so he admits to rape. i don't believe in the police and i hate them (BL industry needs the cops but dont get me down that road) but no one...thought to go?

because according to history 4 logic nothing matters so im sure if he went to the police you could handwave the homophobia since there's no actual context for anything besides their whimsy. but they dont want to do that because they aren't interested in an arc of growth; redemption isn't possible unless he is removed from the family but again no work on thinking this through or thinking about the victim's feelings. because gay sex? who fucking knows. supposedly progressive taiwanese writers of gay shit (like how supposedly progressive the world is. as in it is not and this behavior is the norm and bl perpetuates that) can't think of transformative justice?

and then they gave bad advice so we wont acknowledge that because teng teng doing anything wrong/stupid is frequent but hurts me and also that storyline is not real so i pretend they are not there outside of this post

so all of this is just straihgt up clownery now because it's fucking absurd like logically, practically, human-wise. the kissing thing is inconsequential but it was such a lazy cheap way out lmao cos they really wanted it to seem consensual but that's not how it works. on top of that their attraction makes no sense because whatshisface is just there. he is just there. he's nothing and no one so the sentiments are even more empty and on top of that he doesnt listen to a single request fucking obviously because the basis of their relationship is fucking rape so fucking listening and respecting his partner is not on his list of fucking priorities. he's literally so fucking annoying even without being a rapist it's like someone please beat his ass.

and then after all of that you want us to feel bad? with your horrible writing, poorly misplaced music, stupid costumes (those fucking SHOES THEY ARE HIDEOUS, AND MOST OF THIER CLOTHES DO NOT FIT IT'S LIKE WHY), questionable fucking editing. we're supposed to wnat them together? this sounds literally fucking crazy but bear with me lmao even with the rape they could at least have SOMETHING i mean like i cant believe im fucking saaying this. but like in addicted heroin which is fuckin tragic and awful at least there's a MODICUM of interest but honestly that show s a fucknig drag. idk they lookd good together? here we have 0. nothing. and it doesnt motivate. watching obsessed again i can see why i liked it in the beginning bc they have good chemistry but the acting and production adn like everything about it plus the rape-y vibes it's just too much. you need to pick one thing so if you're going to be a shit writer at least supplement it with something. this thing is nothing.

and even more nonsensical and what boggles my mind frankly out of all this is the mother's involvement and the father's final response. there are NO consequences? theyre all happy?

ok so lets go through this:

1. 2 boys grow up 2gether, one of the boys is fucking psycho, the mother knows but does nothing??????????????

2. one of the sons moves out so his father doesn't get a hint that's he's fucking gay. ok fine. he has 2 best friends, a job, an apt. he is fine.

3. aforementioned brother is obsessed with him for SOME REASON besides being crazy?

3.5 no one has done anything during him growing up to help him not be crazy?

4. mom says to husband who is their father also just in case we forget "im afraid he will lose his humanity"

4.5 again, do nothing. 0. just like oh man hes crazy. guess that's just our son ;)

4. who cares. plies him with alcohol purposefully to rape him. not even dubious (even though dubious is fucked and not okay or is just not. fucking real. these shows are contextless when they want to be or even movies or whatever so it's like largely not up to the task to understand complexity in human rships and then oversimplifies it constantly because that's what we do IRL. but people have fucking feelings you know and we realize when things don't feel good or right to us either very quickly after or having to process it. and once you're eyes are opened you may feel as something was fucking ripped away from you. for the modc couple this would be a very logical conclusion for the high schooler the thirty year old dated but again logic or feelings are up to their whimsy. no one cares bc everything can be counted as dubious so honestly it's a fucking stupid fucking topic like again why are we litigating what is and isnt consent when you could just like idk. read cues? consent? wait? not be a freak? like we all know what is proper human shit so even if we are watching this uncritically which u cant bc it's glaring and stupid it's just even more dumb) so it was honestly a rape plot like he literally planned it soooooooooo??!?!

5. aftermath of rape the victim is like literally fucking bereft and confused. and a rape victim. like that's what they are insinuating and what also he is to be clear.

6. boy tells him "idc if i raped u i luv u lmao"

7. mom ENCOURAGED THE BOY to get him drunk because her other son was too nice? she encouraged her adult son to rape her adult step-son (but her real son because she repeatedly says you are my son and the dad does too THEY GREW UP TOGETHER WHEN THE KID WAS IN AN IMPRESSIONABLE STATE) so THIS ALSO MAKES EVEN LESS MOTHERFUCKING SENSE

8. everyone finds out about his rape and he isnt mortified he's just concerned about himself being gay to his dad?????? except it's not really about his gayness bc now it's about his sudden love for his rapist brother? which? hm ok. understandable the dad is like wow i do not think i like this

9. dad knows all of it is fucked up, everyone does, knows the mother fucked up, knows he fucked up. doesnt like it because he is normal. so we know this is terrible? ok great so—

10. father says "i can't accept this...but i'm willing to give you my blessing" ok see here's the thing. when you write you have to think about the things you are putting on the page and what you have written previously. this quite literally made no sense how the fuck are you going to not accept them but give them your blessing? does this crew know what the fuck words are? i'm assuming they went to some sort of school to obtain jobs here bc there cannot be natural talent or experience. maybe most of them are rich. fuck i do not know but this also makes no sense. just the literal logic of it it's like fucking insane the whiplash.

10.5 apparently this father is also shitty. everyone here sucks and they are basically begging me to think xing si is a fucking idiot so i dont even want to look at him if he is an object he doesnt matter so now i want to kick him. thanks a lot you made the victim get absolutely fucking nothing

they KEEP PUSHING the brother thing it is so insane and it's liek GUYS WE GET IT WE UNDERSTAND THEYRE "RELATED" BUT NOT RELATED SO IT'S OK HE WAS "RAPED" BUT NOT RAPED but you're GOING BACK ON YOUR OWN RULES!!!!!!!!!! WE GET THAT THEY ARE BROTHERS!!! WE'RE OVER IT NOW BUT WHAT IS THIS WHEN WE ALREADY ESTABLISHED SOMETHING? I AM CONFUSION? they flip flop between my son, my brother my actual brother, and cannot fucking distinguish between love for your father and love for your romantic partner? so to me what i see is that the father wants to fuck the son. that's the conclusion i am garnering now considering nothing matters and his love for his "brother" is the same as his love for his dad lmao. they couldnt even do that in a way that made sense. like damn anybody can get anything. these ppl who are doing this have to be fucking rich and/or have connections.

also this guy sounds literally like a textbook abuser like he says constantly "im the best choice" is a rapist is awful holds capital (oh hees "saving" smh ur trapping her!!!!! RETIRE!!!!) also wears terrible shoes so i am like ur alllllllllLLLLL FUCKING CRAZY ur all literally crazy and then they are trying to set rules and boundaries in their fucking house like WHY ARE THEY LIVING TOGETHER EVEN? even tho oh my god they know he raped him and for some reason they are both allowing to live in the house but they dont want them to have sex??!?!?!??!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?! i get that this is their house but this is like at this point these ppl are writing anything and now whatshisface is acting like a 2 yr old again and we are supposed to find this cute? like it makes 0 sense why do u fucking care u literally encouraged ur son to rape him so they cant have consensual sex under your nose now and have to wait four years? this is coming from the son who couldnt wait until someone was sober enough to realize hes fucking psychotic and should be killed also the fact that they act like being 20 means u have no fucking brain like this kid is in med school supposedly how do we know like hes a liar and an idiot so. also wait do they mean undergrad? how are you in med school at 20? is he a genius? girl i dont care lmao i guess i missed that but it's not like it matters so whatever

even if we ignore the stupidity of the literal acts, the grossness of the content, the absolute inability to write coherently or even remotely in a way where we would even want to see them together which is like....u set it up at the beginning so he punches "the love his life's best friend" also holy fuck im sorry remember when he punches muren because xing si got too drunk. so i'm guessing whatshisface is that good of a bartender that he makes super strong drinks and gets xing si drunk but his alcohol is magical therefore it doesn't make him sick. his alcohol is the type that gets you drunk but somehow doesnt get to your liver even though that's how we get drunk but dont ask guys he's only in med school and a bartender so i think he knows best (seriously have the main writers had a day of fun in their lives? have they ever been drunk? are they toddlers? drunk babies could probably do better tho.) i get that he was also jealous but if this kid is SOOOOOO genius (he understands social cues lmao he has the cpacity to project onto his victim so im like miss me with the not understanding shit. go to a fucking therapist like seriously did no one care abt this kid? his mother thinks he's like almost a goddamn murderer. how is she not dead? how are they all not dead? how do any of them know how to drive with this type of brain?) then he would understand that they are very clearly friends since he watched them part in a very platonic way and since he apparently knows what love is cos he thinks....he can....make someone fall in love with him bc he loves them? again, i wouldnt know hes 20 and taiwanese and im 29 and black from AMERICA so im WESTERN* so you know. different life experiences i guess XD

even if we do mental gymnastics to get it to a place where they "had sex" and he didnt rape him there's 0 ZERO ZERO ZERO ZERO ties to the literal story they wrote and the rules they set up. i'm going ot assume they dont know wtf theyre doing and i know for a fact we all care more about their dumb show than they do but it's actually startling how piss poor this is it's like idek what to compare it to. the continuity is awful awful awful they needed a script supervisor majorly and they are making bank and are going to make fucking bank fof this shit. and itll just continue like that until IRL material changes and that's facilitated by these very same groups they choose to profit off of and exploit by propelling it into the mainstream and litigating homosexuality through capitalism. and i'm being specific with homosexuality. i dont want a GL market like at all and i know why we wouldnt have it either and that has everything to do with the nature of BL, capitalism, coercion, and the fanbase being young girls and women. i don't think in this day and age we can safely say all the fans are straight; i'm sure a majority but many women or people on the gender spectrum and sexuality spectrum also consume it. frankly, it's possible the women who write it could be or something too. i dont rly believe any1 is str8 lmao but im just saying it's not out of the realm of possibility. but it isnt about that at all. that's why we wont see "good" female characters (like well written) often that's why we won't see trans women or kathoeys or fat people or black asians in it. a lot of it is is a choice we participate in whatever. but holy fuck dude u could at least respect the audience's fucking intelligence. i'm talking about everything i think that is encapsulated in the project but it's even more jarring and worse because it's so insanely inconsistent and poorly done. like how we jump from one conclusion to another is wild to me. even their first "night together" and he wakes up im like girl....u no ur ass felt it. this nigga broke into his house and was like "im gonna have u" like it's getting weird

just make xing si suffer offscreen not us the stupidity is staggering, mind blowing, hilarious.

how wong kar wai, a straight man from HK (or at least married to a woman), or barry jenkins, a striahgt black man, write/do stories well about people they wouldnt knw about their experiences directly is....well thinking like using their brains and like knowing all types of people? the man who co-wrote moonlight is a hOMOSEXUAL, leslie cheung was fucking gay or queer (and he committed suicide and that's important also RIP homie) both are hailed as queer cinema like WKW wanted to do something else and invested time into it, changed the way he played around with structure, moved away from his crime oriented stuff. he THOUGHT about it and this film is about their reality. it's a harsh film, idk how i feel about it (but my fav movies of his are the crime ones or the messy ones where it's clear he didnt write a script lmao fallen angels is one of my fav movies its' abt assassins kinda) but i know it means something. and he didnt like what HK had previously wasnt enough. it is not the only cinema that should be shown since it's such a stark reality and depressing but it is a real depiction so we can have all sorts of stuff. no this isnt WKW level or moonlight level but i know for a fact these people think they are doing something because artists always do i say this as one and someone who is equally as useless. you're making a statement.

i also hate the westerner component of peoples analyses. first of all dont do cultural relativism. we can critique and respect. but second of all how are we going to keep saying "dont put western ideals on this" when that is what is happening anyway because that's part and parcel for soft power and capitalism. how about taiwan's history with the KMT? what about the regimes young people fought about? aided by US imperialism which permeates through society and affects material conditions, views, democracy, identity and that goes into culture and media. hm? what about that? is that reality too fucking western for people? that we are doing the same thing again now? is that okay to talk about or is that only on your time?

then there's the argument that this is just entertainment. yea no shit but the thing is if we r gonna talk about marginalized groups and watch bc of marginalized groups and then be expected to identify then i dont see why i cant put this in context. even if it wasnt fucking serious we'd still judge it. but it's so pompous and again like i wouldnt say EYE think it's art but it is "art" in the literal sense and no self respecting artist would ever go "man this means nothing." of course im not sure if they do respect themselves so hey but u cant just go oh man it's entertainment when it literally rests on the fact that HOMOS are MARGINALIZED. it literally rests on the fact that WOMEN ARE OBJECTS. you either want progress or you dont. i dont understand being so demanding but not beign specific in the demands and not trying to use your brain. if you dont want to use your brain don't. but if you are looking , engaging, and keep making these arguments or telling ppl it doesnt matter whilst complaining about how much others care is hypocritical at best, willfully obtuse at worst. both bad. :)

(also all this + another thing; it is insulting to have this like wedding happen based off of this stupid relationship when people fought so hard and had to push it. now they can use the material conditions to their advantage but it's so ridiculous. also because there is difficulty still in getting married in taiwan i'm honestly like....the boldness of the writers...)

[harringrovetrashrat]

heyyy uhhhh can i get a #43 with a side of #3 and umm, can I add on some insercurites for free? how much? all my love and appreciation?? dang I've already maxed out my card but you can have my heart...

Anon, anon, anon.... I’ll do it for free.  The love an appreciation is very welcome tho (i’m a leo bastard) ;)

Why this prompt gave me trouble, I HAVE NO IDEA.  It took FOREVER to get myself going, I even had to do a fucking twitter poll, and I’m still unhappy with how this came out.  So, on the house, I’m gonna rewrite this again later.  Because there’s not enough of anything in here.

That all being said, I don’t fully hate this and I wanted to get something out for ya.  And let you know that more was coming after this.  (Fic under the cut)

--

Steve watched as Billy leaned against the lifeguard tower, finger twirling one of Casey’s curls, making her blush.  He sunk lower on the plastic lounger, glaring through his sunglasses.  It wasn’t like he thought Billy was really into her.  But still.  It made his heart clench and his stomach all queasy whenever Billy flirted with someone else.

Steve knew he wasn’t bad to look at.  That he was pretty cute.  But after Nancy and the tunnels and everything, he’d kind of lost his appeal or something.  Girls didn’t flirt with him, like, ever.  And it wasn’t like he was looking for their attention, but it would have been nice.  To get confirmation you weren’t fucking hideous.  Because Billy was gorgeous.

Like made Steve sweat the first time he saw him gorgeous.  Like, model gorgeous.  Like a fucking sun god, all tan skin, freckles, and muscles that Steve just wanted to run his tongue along, to bite and fawn over--

Steve groaned quietly and pushed his sunglasses up, pressing the meat of his palms to his eyes.

They’d talked about it before.  Talked about how Steve didn’t need to worry, but sometimes he didn’t know why Billy was doing, well, whatever it was they were doing, besides the obvious us both knowing about monsters thing.  Nothing like shared trauma.  Maybe it was because he was the only other guy in town who was okay having another guy’s dick in his mouth.  Steve sighed and grabbed his stuff, catching Dustin’s attention.

“What?” He asked, coming over.

“You guys want pizza and ice cream?  On me.” Dustin perked up and grinned.

“Hell yeah!  Can’t see why anyone would say no to that!” He went back over the The Party, gesturing animatedly.  They cheered and Steve ignored the way Billy’s eyes darted over and didn’t leave him until he was walking out the gate.

--

Steve fidgeted with the remote, hating himself and hating Billy and hating Hawkins.  He hadn’t heard anything from Billy, even though they supposedly had plans tonight.  Well, they had their usual It’s Friday let’s get wasted and fool around thing.  At least, he thought they did.  What a fucking chump.  He scrubbed at his eyes, ignoring the pit in his stomach when the clock hit 1 in the morning.  Ignoring that Billy should have been here 3 hours ago.

Steve had really thought things were getting better.  Billy had been staying the night, been staying for breakfast, and it had made Steve yearn for something domestic.  He wanted to spend every morning dressed in his underwear and one of Billy’s shirts, making them omelettes.  Give him his coffee, just the way he likes it.  Have Billy pull him down for a kiss that’s barely a kiss because they’re both smiling.

And then he ignored Steve for 3 days.

So Steve had gone to the pool.

And there was Billy.  And Casey.

Billy had ignored him the whole time.

And now here he was, somehow still under the impression that Billy might have come over for their usual Friday hangout.  That maybe Steve could pretend for a little bit that he mattered to someone.  That one fucking person wanted to spend time with him.  Wanted to be around him just because.

He wiped at the tears welling in his eyes and stood up, accepting that it was time to call it a night.  As he passed by the front door to head up the stairs, someone began pounding on it.  Steve let out a bitten off shriek and clutched at his chest.  Whoever was there wasn’t bothered by the noise, just kept pounding away.  Steve licked his lips and grabbed the bat he kept by the door.  Regular.  No nails.  He got it ready and swung the door open, ready for --

Billy Hargrove.  Drunk as a fucking skunk.  Falling forward with the momentum of his fist, eyes wide.  Steve caught him and stumbled back, dropping the bat.

“What the fuck?” Steve said, his voice flat.  Billy gripped the front of Steve’s shirt and pulled himself up, eyes bloodshot.

“Steve,” Billy slurred.  “You’re awake.” His eyes were wide, like he was shocked, and he didn’t pull away, keeping his face close to Steve’s.

“Yeah,” Steve replied, wrinkling his nose because Billy’s breath reeked.  “Waited up for you.” Billy rested his forehead in the crook of Steve’s neck and brought his arms up, pulling Steve closer.  Steve couldn’t help himself, he was so fucking starved for attention, and he let Billy cling to him, wrapping his own arms around his waist.

“Thought you would,” he hiccuped, “Wouldn’t wanna see me.” Steve sighed.

“Can’t say I’m thrilled you showed up 3 hours late and drunk,” he said, because he shouldn’t be happy Billy came like this, but he is.  He’s happy he came at all.  And how fucking sad was that.

“I didn’t wan-wanna intrude on your time with the nerds.”

“Too busy with Casey?” Steve snapped.  He felt Billy stiffen against him.  Watched him pull back and level Steve with an annoyed look.

“Fuck does that mean?” He grumbled.  Steve rolled his eyes, suddenly so fucking angry because Billy didn’t even notice.  Didn’t even fucking care.

“It means,” Steve bit out, “That you can just tell me if you wanna fuck other people.” Billy looked at him like he was making no sense, which just irked Steve more.  “You don’t have to, to let me down gently, okay?  I can take it.”

“What the fuck are you even talking about?”

“Oh my god!” Steve finally pulled all the way away from Billy, wrapping his arms around himself and hunching over, trying to make himself smaller.  “Just leave.” He didn’t look at Billy, scared that he might cry, over Billy fucking Hargrove.

“Is this,” Billy began, speaking slowly, sounding a bit more sober now, “About the flirting?”

“Is this about--” Steve scoffed and shook his head.

“Seriously?  You’re worked up over harmless flirting?” Billy sounded annoyed and Steve felt like fucking shit.  Felt tears welling up because he was an idiot.

“Fuck you,” he said, voice watery.  “I fucking--  I’m worked up,” he spit out, “Because you ignored me for 3 days.  Because when I wanted to talk to you, you fucking, fucking laughed in my face.” He scrubbed at his eyes, wishing he wasn’t crying over Billy goddamn Hargrove.  “Because you apparently can’t even bear to be my friend in public.” He laughed, the noise twisting into an aborted sob at the end.  “I’m worked up because I was actually convinced for like, a little while, that you cared about me.  That this wasn’t some fucking distraction from the bullshit.  That it maybe meant something.” Steve still hadn’t looked at Billy, who had been quiet the whole time.  “You know, sometimes, I fucking hate you.” Steve was surprised at the sharp inhale of breath and looked up, shocked to see Billy quickly rubbing at his eyes.  He glared at the floor and licked his lips.

“Please--” he stammered.  “Please don’t say that.” Steve was thrown for a loop.  Billy using please?  Billy looking upset?  Billy being anything other than his usual I’m too cool to care about anyone or anything self?

“What,” Steve said, monotone.

“I--” Billy swallowed and shut his eyes tightly, like he also couldn’t look at Steve while he was vulnerable.  Like he was vulnerable.  “I-- I got scared.” He swallowed, eyes still closed.  “When you-- You’re just so--”

“What,” Steve repeated.

“In the morning,” Billy said.  “When you smile at me, and it’s all soft and just for me, I just--” He licked his lips and wiped over his mouth harshly.  “I want that.  I got scared because I want it so much and you just…” He stopped, words trailing off like he’d already pried out what he could.  Steve couldn’t do anything more than stare, mouth open in a small ‘o.’

“So why--”

“I wanted you to hate me,” Billy said.  “I wanted you to hate me because then I wouldn’t ruin it.  I wouldn’t ruin you and you could go back to your life before I inevitably fucked this up.  But,” he let out a shuddery breath, “But hearing you say it… I don’t-- I don’t want you to--”

“I don’t,” Steve replied, probably too fast.  “I don’t hate you.”

“You should,” Billy whispered.  Steve didn’t know how to respond, so instead, he took Billy’s hand and pulled him into the kitchen.  Made him an instant coffee and got him a glass of water.  They sat in silence, neither looking at the other, until Steve cleared his throat.

“So, you really aren’t into Casey?” Billy let out a shocked laugh and shook his head.

“How is that what you’re focused on,” he muttered.  “No, I’m not.  My dad knows when I’m not, well, fucking around.  Knows that means I found someone.”

“What the fuck?” Billy shrugged.

“I’m good at pretending, Harrington, but I’m not like you.  I don’t like girls.  Sex is nice enough but they don’t really do it for me.  We left San Diego because my dad figured that out.  And he always asks who I’m meeting when I go on dates, always makes sure he knows where I am--”

“Seriously, what the fuck!” Billy shrugged again, staring into his mug.

“I don’t flirt because I want to,” he said, voice soft.  “I do it because I have to.  Because he doesn’t ask me where I go every Friday anymore.” Steve felt like shit again, but now for a whole new reason.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Billy said.  “I should have told you.  Don’t know that I ever would have if you didn’t push me.  If I wasn’t still fucking drunk right now.” He finally, finally looked at Steve, and Steve was surprised at just how tired he looked.  “You told me how it made you feel, and I couldn’t even--” He looked away again.

“It did kind of feel like shit,” Steve said.  He backtracked when Billy hunched in on himself.  “But it was also because I was a little jealous.  That like, you even could flirt.” Billy raised a brow, confused.  “It’s stupid,” Steve said, blushing, “But you’re like, like a fucking adonis?  Shut up,” he said when Billy snickered.  “And like, I know I’m not like, ugly or anything, but I’m not anything special, so I just--”

“Not anything special?” Billy asked, looking confused again.  “Are you kidding me?” Steve flushed and looked away, frowning.

“You don’t have to rub it in,” Steve muttered.

“No, no,” Billy said, grabbing Steve’s hand.  “You--” Billy looked at a loss for words.  For once.  “The minute I saw you I couldn’t-- I couldn’t think about anything except the fact that I wanted to suck your dick.” Steve rolled his eyes but smiled a little.  “Seriously, Harrington.  The minute I finally saw that dick?” Billy shook his head.  “A goner.  Wanted to fucking choke on it.”

“Billy,” Steve sighed, smiling a little more.  “You don’t--”

“I’m not going to stop until you remember that you’re hot as fuck, okay?” Billy looked away, a blush creeping across his face and down his neck.  “I get lost in your eyes sometimes,” he mumbled.  “They’re so open and kind and deep.” He looked back at Steve and brought his hand up to Steve’s face.  “When you’re asleep I see how many moles I can count.” He cupped his jaw, thumb rubbing a gentle circle on Steve’s cheek.  “It hurts to look at you sometimes,” Billy whispered, eyes glazed over.  “Especially when you smile at me.  When you’re shining so bright and I just--” He leaned forward, pulling Steve into a gentle, but thorough, kiss.  Steve kissed back, tears prickling at the corners of his eyes.

“Billy,” he choked out, lips still pressed against Billy’s.

“You’re so good, Steve,” Billy said in a rush.  “Please, please forgive me for making you feel like you weren’t-- You know that I--” Steve cut him off with a kiss, letting Billy’s tongue swirl around his before pulling back, breath short.

“We should maybe talk about things a little more,” he mumbled, smile wet from tears, but still light.  Billy smiled a little.

“Maybe.”