#my whole life and thats the most out of character thing i could ever possibly do but they wont even consider that im not doing that

[stardustfanfare]

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[elephant-in-the-pride-parade]

Prodigy Recap

I love it I love it I love it I could watch it forever

I'm truly irrevokably in love. I'm done for. I'm probably going to rewatch this all month before I am satisfied I've fully taken it all in. I NEED to rewatch Mindwalk and Supernova again ASAP because knowing what I know now about the memories HJ had just recovered. I know it is going to wreck me to watch her in those episodes with S2 in mind.

My ship HELD HANDS GUYSSS. HE TOLD HER SHES HIS HOME. HE DIDNT FEEL LIKE HE BELONGED ANYWHERE UNTIL THEY MET. SHE BROKE TIME FOR HIM AGAIN AND AGAIN. HER EYES GOT SO BIG! THAT HUG LOOKED SO GOOD. (I'm getting off topic a lot but i need to get the "my ship is canon - in a way i don't hate!!!" fangirling out of my system.) breathe. breathe. okay gonna keep going.

Its gonna take me a few more watch throughs to fully wrap my head around the paradox. And around how you fit a humpback whale in the original ISS Voyager (seriously. has that been there the whole time? does OG Voyager have a whale? was she retrofitted in the AQ? did Mirror J steal a whale from 1996?) And if that timeline where KJ was lost on the infinity means shes also trapped on future solum with Chakotay or just dead. and and and... so many things. so many fic ideas. so many plot bunnies

(wait no -- shoves the plot bunnies away -- go away. not ready for more wips yet)

There. was. so. much. that I loved. it was such an ambitious story to tell in 2 seasons and oh my god, i really feel they mostly pulled it off. They brought back Voyagers legacy characters and put them to work in a plot that fit them, and it was such a joy to see them again. They stay true to who they were on Voyager - thoroughly wonderfully 100x better than on Voyager in Chakotays case. and i really believe theyre the same characters with a few more years of life since ive last met them.

And the new characters too. I love Dal and Gwyn and Rok and Murf and Zero and Jankom and Maj'el to pieces. (Majel!!! is such a perfect tribute!) I want to see so much more of Noum and Tysses. I am in tears over Adreek. God how much i want Season 3 just to see how their stories continue.

But I think... what strikes me most and what I appreciated the most was how much this show wholeheartedly respects its fans!!!

It never dumbs things down or babies it's younger audience. its very mature for a kids show. it is a great introduction to star trek and the universe without over explaining. there are storylines in these 40 episodes that would be right at home in TNG or Voyager. it's really more of a fun for the whole family show than a kids show in that way. (it says something that it's the first "cartoon" my parents have ever cared for and they are watching it wholely for themselves.) It really manages to tell the story in a framing thats aimed at kids without taking anything away from the story its telling for all ages.

And it's adult audience...

I worried about how it would feel to have enjoyed such a rich fanon universe in the 3 decades since the show ended. There were advantages to having a ship with very little canon. the fan universe thrived on how much room there was to work within. After that - having headcanoned and written and imagined so many futures for the characters - I feared having some new canon come in and make a new story for them that would invalidate so much if that imagination, or create something so unsatisfying or rigid or antithical to their last canon encounter that nothing new would be inspired by it. (P/C in Picard was like that for me)

Prodigy didnt do that. Prodigy made no grand sweeping canon for the years in between Voyagers homecoming and the new show. Prodigy didnt shoe horn any character into a rigid relationship status. Prodigy picked them up, set them on a new adventure, sprinkled in tantalyzing new details, and left a wealth of room around the events of the season and the relationships between the characters for so much fan imagination to thrive. The possibilities before and during and after the seasons for the characters are bountiful and perfect for imagining their other adventures. I couldnt have imagined my ship becoming canon (or maybe affirmed by the canon is a clearer way to put it) in a better way.

And then they went and added Tank Top Action Janeway in there as a treat.

Truly a masterpiece. i'm so grateful for this show. i hope it gets the 3rd season it so dearly deserves.

[ominous-horse-noises]

final finale thoughts!!

things i loved about the finale

QUEER GODDESS PATHEON YEAAAAAAH!!! i thought it was such a good way to find a happy medium between kristen committing to a worldview that felt authentic and nuanced without being catholic™ about it

everything to do with the scene of Ankarna trying to offer retribution to each of the bad kids, and each of them making peace with past wrongs instead of continuing to stew in it. i love growth!!!

FIG AND KRISTEN MIRRORING ANKARNA AND CASSANDRA

everything to do with mazey and fabian. of all the fantasy high couples aside from fidayda, these two feel the most like they make sense together- they have similar interests, they have similar values, fabian had a crush on her even when she was being 'uncool' (eg. twister) and how mazey actually picked up on that and appreciated the way he used his perceived coolness to extend it to others who might be picked on otherwise. this is the couple i most hope go the distance even post aguefort adventuring academy (again, aside from figayda ofc but i literally cannot imagine those girls breaking up over anything)

fabian's fetus sibling outnemesising him despite fabian building an animosity towards them the whole season before they were even conceived. peak fantasy high insanity

controversial but i thought the maryann/gorgug being introduced and canonised in all of 15 minutes was hilarious. it was very teen of them in a way that felt authentic. my ideal scenario for them is an end of year fling that becomes amicable exes bc they truly have nothing in common beyond thinking the other is hot (real of them) but i dont have a strong opinion on whether they should break up or not

also maybe controversial but i like that kalina is straight up bloodthirsty. she felt like an equal opposite to bakur- rather than being a devoted servant who became corrupted by proxy, she was trying to corrupt her deity into a form she preferred. thematically it extends to the complementary opposites thing ankarna and cassandra have going on (though i get it might be a reach).

"... thats a four. you know what it's for we don't have to talk about it"

squeem

riz coming in clutch with the character arc right at the last moment. i joked ab his neuroticism being part of his natural swag, but im glad murph not only made sure riz FINALLY addressed the way he was burning himself out, but also that by extension, he was burning out both fig and kristen bc riz has a very calculated idea of 'success' and while he had the best intentions, those two dont fit neatly into it

THE HOLD PERSON OVER THE LAVA??? RIZ'S 'very good on paper, but no practical application."??? i screamed

a second blimey-related divine intervention roll by K2 leading her to getting pinnochioed into a real straight british girl, in real non-dnd britain, is the best thing thats ever happened in fantasy high. a simulacrum was so powerful brennan had to do the dnd equivalent of sending her to a barn upstate.

adaine and aelwyn talking about killing their mother over icecream can be something that is so personal...

siobhan's incredible play with the earworm??? phenomenal, i gasped out loud

fig maybe moving into fabian's house even after she drops out so fabian won't be alone again... what if i threw up blood actually

i liked kipperlilly copperkettle being confirmed to be rotten to the core. 'the ritual looks very different when one accepts rage willingly' GOOD!!! i like evil ambitious teenage girls who try to burn the world down to get what they want. i get why they didnt bring her back, that detail definitely cemented her as in the zayne/penelope category of 'past villains who could possibly be redeemed'

FIG AND AYDA MY LOVES!!! sorry but not even the lesbian goddesses are doing it like these two. brennan put his whole pussy into creating ayda aguefort and my life has been changed forever

zac once again dming K2's alternate universe campaign

things i hated

ik it was payoff to the running bit and it made me cackle when it was revealed, but the implications of hallariel and gilear having a baby are so bad to me. fig talks up gilear a lot, and sure, he came around to being a good dad to her, but gilear has objectively been a shit stepdad to fabian and hallariel... is hallariel. its got to sting was watch your mom be basically catatonic for your entire life, and then suddenly prove that she was capable of being an present mother the whole time- just not for you. im hopeful that senior year will address this though!! lou has always been so good giving his characters' weighty emotional arcs that feel satisfying

i dont like the implication of trackerbees getting back together. i never thought bladebees was good beyond a realistic rebound, but trackerbees was SO codependent together, i dont think its a coincidence that kristen had her best emotional intelligence moments when forced to think things through on her own. tracker always struck me as kind of a 'fixer' type, like she feels most comfortable with someone she can act caretaker-y to (hence bouncing off kristen to another girl who had similar issues). i really reaaaally hope they dont regress back into their s2 dynamic

ruben's memory wipe. i thiiink the implication is that those who were the most willing to follow through on porter's orders maintained more of their memories bc they were in control of themselves and those who didn't were compelled into obedience (which might be why ivy and oisin remember more), but it wouldve been nice to actually see the lucy/ruben close friendship brennan said they had with him sobbing and apologising to her

it felt very weird that kristen didnt get some kind of resolution to her yearlong gentle prodding at bucky?? i think ally got sidetracked with the possibility of kristen getting back together with her ex that it kind of slipped from their mind (maybe bc to them the ankarna vision of her upbringing was kristen resolving her feelings towards her family but still), but considering all of elmville was coming apart, i feel like bucky's faith could've been swaying into doubt pretty easily. idk maybe bc ive become a trackerbees hater over the season but it felt annoying that that was what ally focused in on and not their character's more meaningful relationship with her little brother

[pinazee]

The Old and the Restless

The first episode to include another Spencer! Now, granted we don’t get much here other than henry doesn’t seem to get along with his dad and maybe doesn’t like the idea of his son being around him. Plus, I don’t think he’s ever mentioned again. I was hoping the introduction to grandpa spencer would give us some kind of reason for why henry is so controlling. We could possibly infer, strictly based on his personality, that grandpa spencer wasnt the most responsible and that henry, as elder brother, took on the brunt of taking care of the family. I mean, you could possibly even go as far as to say grandpa spencer had some run in’s with the law and thats how henry got interested in it- out of spite of his own father and thus leading to the idea that spencer sons resenting their fathers is like a family curse (i think thats actually a thing? I have a vague memory of someone saying it at least). But again, this is all speculation because we never see him again. Grandpas also act differently with their grandkids than their own kids too so who’s to say what it was like for henry growing up. Either way, this flashback really emphasizes how strict henry was, and the more flashbacks i see, the more saddened i get by how downtrodden little shawn is every time he shows up. Liam visibly shrinks when he sits next to him, its heartbreaking. But im glad his grandpa stuck up for him (which is probably why he never saw him again).

The way they pop up here makes me snicker

I love the fast one they played on henry! Shawn knew there was no way he would help unless he thought he could use it as an opportunity to show him up (because his dads a grade A asshole).

I also have no respect for men who call other men girls as an insult, especially when one of those men is his own fucking son. So you gotta imagine shawns heard that kind of bullshit his whole life, so i kind of give him a pass when he makes fun of gus for not being manly enough, though thankfully that seems to dissipate in later seasons so we can call it character growth (though i think it was just the writers, or maybe james, who decided it wasn’t very funny and just hurt the character). Henry has a lot of ground to cover before he can get redeemed in my book. He’s just the worst. im having a much harder time with henry during this rewatch.

Gus is being absolutely adorable here. This episode really made it seem like Gus was henrys kid too, not only because he’s completely comfortable sleeping on his shoulder (I’ve never felt that close to my friends parents at least) but also because he’s giving shit to henry as much as shawn is and i love it! It makes sense too considering how often gus was at his house, henry practically raised him as well.

This is a semi good shawn vs. henry episode. I wish they would have highlighted better how shawn and henry gather their information in different ways but it was more like Henry got some pieces and shawn got pieces but neither had the complete picture so they ended up just working together instead of against. I think i’d have preferred if henry was seeing all the same stuff but shawn actually came to the right conclusion, or that shawn showed kindness to the right person and got the key piece of info that way because ultimately its how he connects with people that separates him from henry (simply because henry is pretty good at seeing the same stuff shawn does a lot of the times is all).

“Just this time im going to teach you a lesson” just this time??? Thats literally all you do henry! Thats like your whole thing!

The way Henry says this makes it seem like he was struggling to call Gus his life partner haha

Shawn and gus both knew of african gambian pouch rats, so i can only assume they watched a nature documentary together haha Sidenote: i randomly looked up african gambian pouch rat to see what they looked like and they’re being used to sniff out tuberculosis apparently?!? Crazy stuff man.

Lassie just wanted to straight up incarcerate a child. Thank god karen became chief over him- could you imagine??? Shawn would definitely have been locked up in the pilot. Gus wouldve been killed next to mira or something, juliet would still be in miami. Buzz wouldve been fired or killed by that serial killer. So many crimes would’ve been unsolved and so many people would’ve been locked up and innocent. So again, thank god for chief vick.

The indian blood bit gets a pass simply because of the line “they were here first” and gus’ response “im not hating on indians im hating on you” I dont think its terribly offensive but it is a dumb stereotypical joke. It just kind of makes me sigh and shake my head.

Why is gus always trying to get shawn to taste blood?? Does that show up later? Is this a consistent thing? Its just kind of weird considering gus is really squeamish around it? I think its Gus’ way of trying to prank him but he’s like really bad at it haha Also i didn’t like gus’ face there. It made it seem vaguely… nevermind. Its just weird lol

I dont like the B story with juliet and lassie. I think i did at one point because juliet put the fear of god in him and inadvertently that same fear in the others which was fun, but this kids a fucking creep so i don’t think theres any combination of words that would cause this character to suddenly become respectful and it might be the most unrealistic thing to happen on psych, which is truly saying something. Its just one of those scenes you can’t overanalyze so I won’t! Its fun! (But like, thats what im doing here so jk). I did enjoy the “scared straight” subversion moment. Prisons great kids. Its like summer camp. Also his friends name is “white slavery” and idk what to do with that information except point at it with my mouth open in amusement.

I just like how lassie does his “strike two” and im doing that from now on.

Overall its not one of my fave episodes but heres some gifs of some of my fave moments

[terranceholdsapencil]

I just watched space babies and Im gonna put some moments under the cut that are just so,,,

DOCTOR WHO SERIES 14 EPISODE 2 SPOILERS‼️ "Space babies"

-lets make this episode into one big exposition/lore dump so everyone knows whats going on

-RANI MENTIONED

-dinos <3

-ruby stepping on an actual butterfly and 15 blowing life into it again 😭 that was so stupid I absolute love it

-"One day this is wyoming"

-"Aha! Is that like a, uh, matter transporter like in star trek?" "hehehE! weve gotta visit them someday."

Im not even much of a star trek fan but I could totally watch doctor who with my star trek-autistic dad if there was a crossover. Also a crossover would be bangers.

-"Most of the universe is knackered, babes" fair.

-something about "the question is, why did I run?" "cause it was scAry!" "It was new. I LOVE meeting new things, so why did it give ME the shivers? I couldn´t run fast enough I was like 👏 WOOSH!"

I was like *clap* WOOSH!! (New stim unlocked)

-"So, this place, grows babies. What for? FoOd?" "fOo- who-whOT. FOOD? Theyre not tOmAtOes"

The way he said tomatoes is very special to me. As well as the general absurdity of that whole moment, actually

-giving her phone the space-time-signal boost!!! THAT MADE ME SO HAPPY TO SEE ON SCREEN AGAIN

-space babies. First I was a bit annoyed and baffled by the way he kept saying space babies but eventually he said it so often I just went "SPACE BABIES :D"

-ruby and 15 handling the space babies??? 😭 Man that was so pure

-maybe thats growing up queer and autistic but this line killed me

"Nobody grows up wrong.

You are, what you are, and that is magnificent"

Okay Im just gonna sit down and CRY because I really needed my comfort character to tell me this. Im not ready for it yet but I still need it. Ill get back to this once Im at peace with myself. To heal.

-"because I, am absolutely lovely, arent I? 🥰"

-"And do you wanna know my secret?

Theres no one like me in the whole, wide, universe. No one like me exists, and thats true of everyone. Its not a problem, captain pops. Its a superpower 💪 High five!"

-i absolutely laughed out loud and almost woke my father when ruby tried to calm the space babies and 15 kept scaring them.

"Theres no such things as the bogeman. That thing, was more-- sort of like, a, uhhh," "BOGEYMAN!"

-"That should recalibrate the whole shebang"

-abortion allegory got like super spelled out at one point and that was a bit awkward but I have no strong opinion on it, because the point they make still stands.

"Hang on. So, the planet down below will refuse to stop the babies being born, but once theyre born, they dont look after them??"

-the way jocelyn said 'because its terrifying" after 15 said "and WhY was I so scared?"

Also: "Yeah but Ive met a million ugly bugs, *I´m* and ugly bug, ThAt THIng, made me run, I just wonder why" youre not an ugly bug gorgeous

-"babies with a flame thrower?!" Was possibly the stupidest thing Ive ever seen and Im so happy cause that is exactly how doctor who works. Babies with flame throwers. Who even thought of that.

Also reminded me of the fact daleks had flame throwers at one point

-"The teaching software, it told a story!" "it invented the bogeyman!" "For the babies 🥺" "For the space babies 🥺" (i love them)

-snot monster

-it did confuse me how familiar they seem already. And that he basically gave her a tardis key before she even really agreed to travel with him. I LOVE them dont get me wrong but that felt too quick

-seeing mum at christmas <3

-"tell your mum not to slap me" someone has never recovered from jackie and sylvia

-ohhh dna scan

-probably something I forgot but:

Episode was fun. Too exposition heavy at times and structured differently from 'normal' who. But fun. And also super silly. And we LOVE super silly.

Space Babies. Space babies with flame throwers.

[polyhexian]

Ive been wanting to know what you think about the possibility of alajasrius VERY FAR INTO THE FUTURE most likely if ever even possible, it took the aladarius ship 4 YEARS to be just hinted at becoming canon. Jasper is a very complicated character, he and Darius love eachother a lot but he also just HATES him he cant not, he ignored his baby for his whole life and only regretted it later on and after everything had gone down. All of his emotions are extremes. Alador and Darius have always just had a Thing, I could see Alador and Darius slowly getting closer and Als just wondering what the situationship with that jasper guy and darius is?? Their entire relationships just forever screwed and it just SUCKS for them! Everyones trying their very best (for Hunter of course)

Jasper needs a support system so badly, too, the most recent chapter was such a perfect example of that

god you know before i got to post canon eventually i was like "this is the one where im finally pulling the trigger on alajasrius" but ive now made darius and jasper so unbelievably obsessed with each other i forgot to even mention alador existing.

yeah i need to actually WRITE it but i have notes on it. luz took one look at hunter and said "my brother now" and i wanted to show thats a trait she picked up from her mother lol, camila takes one look at this fucking walking disaster and shes like "my brother now" or, well. friend, you know. its for the bit. but shes takes a distinct interest in "get out of your stupid cave and come to wine and soap opera night" vibes. i mean, hes her sons dad, and like, i think its hard for a parent not to sympathize on some level with him as a parent so fucking desperate to keep his baby safe. and like shes also been in a position where she lost luz, and she lost her because she failed to provide her a life she could live in. and she could have died because of it. and now luz is living with someone else, a new parent she found, because thats where shes happiest and healthiest and because she loves her she has to let her go live that life shes actually happy living. and SHE is parenting a kid now whose parent is in a similar position. he cant provide him a life where hes safe and happy so hes found a new parent. in another dimension, even. and again like. luz gets her overwhelming empathy from her mom. theres this guy here and hes suffering and sad and he has absolutely no one. she moved out here with her son and her husband and her husband died and she didnt know anyone in town and. she was just alone. she didnt have a support structure or friends or help. just a kid she grew farther and farther apart from. nobody was there for her then and shes damn well not going to watch someone go through something similar when shes right there and can do something about it.

also she doesnt really like darius either because of how he treated hunter in the past and shes not particularly a fan of the fact hunter lives there sometimes and she kinda thinks he should fuck off so they can complain about him together

[psycheofaphaggot]

we’re opening the floodgates people because the only thing i think about ever, and what i WILL shout from the top of every rooftop i come across

DINA IS THE PERFECT WOMAN.

i don’t care. i don’t care what anyone else says. i don’t care if your opinion is different because you’re wrong.

she’s witty, she smart, she’s incredibly fucking kind, patient, and yet so strong willed and never not willing to speak her thoughts even when she’s unbelievably scared. she’s so perfect it hurts honestly.

one of the things that breaks me the most about dina and ellie’s dynamic throughout the entirety of part 2 is dina’s part in it all. her, irrevocably in love with one of her closest friends, JUST after finally confessing to one another officially is suddenly thrust into a WAR where she can only be a bystander. ignoring the whole pregnancy thing, just that is fucking insane.

and she handles it with the utmost care and patience. moreso than honestly anyone around her deserved (not that these characters didn’t deserve kindness).

i could go in depth about how much i believe ellie williams is one of the best representations of PTSD in modern media today but as much as seeing that breaks me, watching dina deal alongside her is infinitely worse. ellie is a character who has just lost her entire world basically, only a few years after seemingly losing her purpose for being alive at all. with no closure. she’s sad, she’s angry, she’s broken, she feels essentially unloveable.

and dina treats her with the gentleness of a morning breeze. you know the thing thats like “character who feels unloveable and the other character who loves them like its breathing”? yeah.

dina is patient, kind, stable. she is exactly the thing that ellie needs. she never blames ellie for her outbursts, she never insinuates that ellie should get over her emotions faster, and even better she doesn’t even treat ellie like glass that could shatter at any moment. she just loves her. in the easiest way one could possibly be loved.

and its hard. it’s difficult and they both go through an unbelievable amount of trauma together and yet they still come out on top. they’re still able to build the semblance of a life together in the ashes of what they’ve lost.

as someone who identifies a lot of myself in ellie. everything about their love and how they love each other does nothing but break me apart. its so full of hope yet so layered in nothing but destruction. it really is the worst kind of despair. especially because of their end. all of that work and just the existence of trauma is what throws it back in her face.

i am not the most eloquent person. im sure my thoughts are jumbled and insane and hard to understand when i write them out like this. but there are so many aspects of this games that are so fucking admirable. naughty dog found a way to tell a tragic story full of people. not good people, not bad people. just humans, and the world would devolve into when pushed to the absolute edge. and even before that. it is a story of the human race at its most raw.

and its heartbreaking. its enjoyable, its sadistic, its humorous and it’s absolutely gut wrenching. its beautiful.

this series will probably never not be my favorite game ever. i will scream about it and look like a crazy person, and i will keep finding more and more things to love about it.

but this is a ramble when its really supposed to be a dina appreciation post. i love her. everyone should love her. she’s such an amazing person and i think about her constantly. i hope that wherever she ended up, her and JJ live the happiest and most fulfilling life they can.

[shipsational]

so ive had a lot of art/general creative burnout and block lately so im throwing caution to the wind and just making some self indulgent and low effort art for myself today, and for bonus indulgence ive decided if there was ever a character i was drawn to Fuck It make an insert and kiss em whether i have an idea or not

in this case those i do at least have a cursory idea for a dan vs insert

basically im elise's burn out disappointment of a sibling with no direction in life, and our parents kind of make her let me move in to try and get me on the right track (they talk like im a teenager and not 30)

i dont wanna be there either, not because i necessarily have a bad relationship with elise but tbqh mostly because i dont really like chris and his push over nature (i adore him irl but thats not v interesting for a character lol) (and i guess the whole thing is kind of embarrassing anyway)

soon after i move in they have to go out of town for something and i dont wanna go so they left me to watch the house, and they didnt tell me about dan because they didnt wanna scare me off, and they also didnt tell dan they were gonna be gone cause elise told chris not to cause she didnt want him tagging along and somehow it didnt occur to them that us meeting might be a bad idea and since chris is gone he tries to coerce me into helping with his latest revenge but the thing is he doesnt have to really try because he's chaotic and out of control and thats the most exciting thing ive ever experienced in my life like Absolutely i'll help you with whatever inane nonsense your'e doing today fucked up little guy i cant think of a single thing id wanna do more

so jokes on the parents this was the worst possible thing they could have done if they wanted me to 'get my act together' up to their standards

i traced over elise's official art and made the adjustments to make it seem plausible they could exist in the world and even threw them on this handy height chart

they're a shorty but not as short as dan but only by like an inch

[fluffypichu876]

Wolf from Sekiro for the character ask?)

my boi wolf, the only traditional protagonist in the soulsbourne games :DDDDDD i love him so much and honestly people don't talk enough about him

* favorite thing about him: i absolutely love how wolf can either represent the end or the perpetuation of the cycles of suffering (depending on your actions and the ending you get). to start off, he is an undying shinobi who can rise back from death no matter how bad his injuries get. thats is an obvious play on the cycle of life and death, but its just the surface of it. the endings tell us way more about this tragedy that is immortality.

get the shura ending and this cycle perpetuates on the worst way possible: wolf becomes a blood-lusted immortal demon who possesses the only two blades capable of severing immortality a.k.a japan may just as well be gone forever.

immortal severance ends in a lighter note but its still very tragic in a subtle way. with his lord dead, wolf no longer has a purpose and now follows the steps of the late sculptor, which implies that one day wolf will still end up consumed by shura (and pass on the prothestic to another shinobi, just like the sculptor did, repeating this cycle once again). his master's death was meaningless, since immortality was severed but not returned to where it belonged to, and someday eventually another divine heir will be born (you get it by now: the cycle continues...).

purification is good but still not the best ending, in my opinion though it sure is the most beautiful and poetic one. you see, wolf is also part of a cycle of abuse and trauma. he was an orphan in the battlefield, adopted by an abusive foster father (the great shinobi owl) who saw him as a mere tool to help him achieve his grand schemes. wolf was raised to strictly and blindly follow the iron code, which stated that the father's will was absolute, above even the will of one's master (i won't explain more because that'd be the entire story really xD)

and so there's kuro, the young divine heir, a mere child. mostly importantly, he is wolf's master. by the code, wolf is obligated to follow every order that his master imposes, no matter what, without question. and so wolf does that. but kuro sees wolf as much more than just a guardian and tool. he sees him as his loyal shinobi, his friend, and quite possibly the only person he can absolutely trust after the death of his parents.

and at first this only rings true because wolf is too afraid of breaking the code, his only purpose and belief (owl you motherfucker). but as you progress through the game, especially if you take the path of the two better endings, wolf himself starts to realize that he sees kuro as much more than his lord. he genuinely cares about the boy and his safety, and the moment that kuro approaches him with the proposal of severing immortality (which will eventually end with the heir's death), wolf begins to branch away from his lord's wishes and even breaks some of them, all so that he can find an alternative way of ending immortality without prematurely endings his beloved lord's life.

hell, he even dares to break the code in front of his father, who he feared his whole life, choosing to stay loyal to kuro instead of following owl's will, which ends in a duel to the death between father-son where wolf comes out victorious :D

fuck, you, the player, ends up sacrificing something for kuro, since picking any ending other than shura (a.k.a forsaking owl) means you have to go through and beat the much harder final third of the game, even though you had the option to finish the playthrough much earlier by obeying the code. and to get the purification/return ending you have to go even further and beat father owl, who is to many the hardest boss in the game, a legend in his prime, as one final fuck you to that absolute asshole who calls himself a father.

all of that simply because kuro treated wolf with all the care and compassion that owl could only ever hope to show. (fromsoft's choice of having a traditional protagonist really pays off here. the story in this game just feels so, personal y'know?)

and that's why purification is so beautiful, because here wolf goes through all of that shit and eventually decides to take his own life to sever immortality, allowing kuro to live on with the happy and carefree childhood that neither ever got to experience. just, oh god... a cycle of abuse broken by the pure sympathy and love of someone that truly cares about you...

sadly, like in the IS ending, another divine heir will eventually be born again, but this time, there's the hope that it will finally end for good.

then there's finally the return ending, which is the happiest and most hopeful ending fromsoft will ever give to us in a souls game xDDD. i'm not sure how the whole returning the dragon's blood to its origin and kuro being like carried by the divine child (apparently in her womb in the og japanese text?) works, but it is the ultimate end of all the terrible cycles mentioned above (and a great opportunity for a sequel huh fromsoft wink wink nudge nudge)

umm, this came out more as a explanation of the endings honestly but it also essentially explains my favorite thing about wolf as well so yeah xD sorry for all the text lol

* least favorite thing about him: hmm, i will admit, as great as all the subtle storytelling is, wolf is quite honestly an absolute brick of a character xD he barely expresses emotion in his dialogue.

* favorite line: "i hereby condemn the last immortal. may you live on, and embrace what it means to be human." the last thing he says to kuro in the purification ending. excuse me i will go cry.

"a code must be determined by the individual... this is what i've decided. just as my master did." is gold too. spat right in owl's face too hehe.

* brOTP: focusing more on the platonic part than the bro part, definitely 100% his whole relationship with kuro. the way these two care for each other is simply too sweet.

like how kuro decides to prepare a rice ball for wolf, after seeing him eat it raw (because owl abused him by starving him out of food, giving it as a sparse "reward" for obeying his will GOD I HATE THAT GUY)

and also how in that one scene kuro kneels to wolf's eye level to speak to him, instead of standing in the imposing and dominant manner expected of a master....

now, if i where to focus more on the bro part, i really appreciate the camaraderie that both the sculptor and hanbei show towards wolf. sharing a drink with the old hermit and having him share a story of his time, or just practicing your parries with hanbei, it all felt very nice :))

* OTP: i will admit i'm not really into shipping xD i usually only care about canonical or highly implied (to the point of obvious) pairings. that being said, in my eyes wolf has zero romantical chemistry with pretty much every character in the game honestly xD

* nOTP: aside from the obviously problematic ships, none really.

* random headcanon: i have read a fic where wolf has a severe case of sweet-tooth and now i kinda carry that with me xD completely justified in-game too, where you consume stat-boosting sugars.

* unpopular opinion: hmm none? i mean, people barely talk about sekiro nowadays (much to my dismay)...

* favorite picture of them: this is my personal favorite promotional render:

[clambuoyance]

ngl I know nothing ab your DC blorbos except they're gay and cool or something Idk I just think they're neat... I'd ask what comics I could read ab them being super blorbo-y but Idk...

OKAY so there’s a lot of characters in dc but the ones I draw/talk about the most are these group of friends!! They feature in Young Justice 1998, Teen Titans 2003, and Young Justice 2019, as well as having their own comics and other appearances :)

each comic run has different vibes but my personal favorite is yj1998 bc I like its wacky and zany vibes. It was not my first comic though, and it’s a little older so it might be hard to understand or read if it’s your first time reading comics like this, and again it is old soooo some stuff does Not age well such as certain jokes or depictions and it is of course not all perfect but overall I love it and think it has a lot of heart

I think i have a lot of fun with it bc it feels so…animated? And it has funny slapstick humor. Honestly I probably like it bc it makes me laugh the same way ninjago makes me laugh…a group of 4+ friends that have cute dynamics with each other and just Being Silly Together. I really don’t know how to explain it but between all three runs, I can see yj1998 in my head the most as a wacky animated show with exaggerated bouncy animation idk so that’s part of the fun for me. I think the moment I realized this was going to be a long term emotional investment was When I read the issue where they randomly end up on a planet and have to play baseball bc I am a SUCKERRR for baseball shenanigans

But yeah the group starts out with Bart, Tim, and Kon in JLA: A world without Grownups, and they just have a good trio dynamic 🙏 the banter between all three is so good ��and I liked seeing their friendship develop throughout yj1998 too! Especially for Tim, with his hesitancy at the beginning.They weren’t without conflict ofc but that adds to why I like them bc eventually they became besties for life. They are also quickly joined by others but the main one that stays w the group through all three runs is Cassie Sandsmark , aka Wonder Girl ii.

But yeah I guess some things I like are the way they actually Hang out? like they will do camping trips or go to the mall and games together etc etc, but there will be parts that feel more serious while never losing that humorous tint to it. For some examples, I love how Tim tries to be a leader in the beginning, but then one arc shows just how much Cassie is more fitting for it, and how they bond over Leader things like how hard it is to tell Bart what to do and then will share a really nice hug 🥺, and I love Cassie and Cissie’s relationship a LOT because they sometimes misunderstand each other but clearly care for each other (they aren’t canon but in my heart they are.) I also like Tim and kon’s build towards understanding and friendship for a similar reason, and cissie and Anita also have a nice development with each other, but yeah all the dynamics are just fun to think about tbh 🤷🏻‍♀️ I am pointing at them eagerly and going “wow! Friendship!!”

And as for the guy I never shut up about…well that’s a whole thing I could ramble about but i became obsessed with him the moment he quoted Peter Pan while lamenting about how he was afraid his friends would leave him behind after several issues of him acting like Hot Shit and erm I’m predictable so it got to me 🙄 also he makes dumb jokes every second like he expects someone to laugh at them like he’s so dumb sometimes….anyways I do not want to ramble too much so I will get on with it

I was only familiar with his black tshirt look before, so when I first saw this goofy looking dumbass with a leather jacket and glasses and an earring I WAS LIKE “THATS SUPERBOY? THATS REAL?” and quickly became interested in the notion of a Superman associated hero wearing something like this bc I don’t think my brain ever considered the possibility before….also it is something I cannot explain some panels just activate my cuteness aggression 😔 I just think he’s really cute 🫶🫶🫶

[mercy-erts]

- handful of ice -

───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

Warnings: Major bodily injury(amputation type) Slight vomit mention (no actual vomit)

Words: 1.3k words

Summary: Lars was curious about everything, never showed feared towards what he studied. But soon when that orb comes into his life, his whole perspective changes.

An: This is a minor rewrite of my interpretation of this scene! Most the dialogue is from the original scene but I hope some of their inner thoughts are a bit in character.

───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

Lars wanted to know a lot of things, things about the supernatural and what it all meant. So when an orb is given to him, he may as well see what could possibly be in there.

Just had to get other experiments out of the way.

He and Lucky worked to extract ghosts from objects, working late again as in his eyes, science never slept. Their recent one was from a porcelain doll, nothing special and nothing new.

As he worked, he could hear the possesser, currently possesing a chair, knocking on the window. Lars sighed, glancing over at it in annoyance before rolling his eyes. "Cant play right now."

Even after that, more knocking.

If it wasn't a ghost, he would have found a way to strangle it.

"Im working!" He stated, looking more annoyed when it knocked again. "If you're good, I'll give a tennis ball." And that thankfully got it to shut up for now, making him relax a bit more without the constant headache of a noise.

His eyes got glance of Lucky picking up the orb, nodding as an approval to check it out. Lars' mind was set into motion, what could be in the orb? Could a normal ghost, or can be something much bigger than what they're used to. He was almost excited to see what can be extracted.

Lucky placed the orb within the machinery, despite the sense of dread she felt when doing so. Like a chill down her spine that was warning her about something.

Still, they went ahead anyway. Lars pressing a few buttons and soon the familiar sound of the machine starting up the process.

The duo stood back and watched the process, expecting it to go as planned. Lars' started to notice something quickly, sparks were coming out of it. He glanced at Lucky, assuming she was seeing the same thing. "Something..wrong?" He asked, as if he himself didn't know what was happening.

A sense of dread came over them when the sparks continued, something was terribly wrong. It felt like Lars' heart stopped when he heard the same knocking again, and the growl of that other ghost. He shouldn't be scared, he was an expert on this for god sake. The sound of the possesser banging on the window, the growls of the ghosts, it was starting to overwhelm him.

"It's..fighting extraction." Lucky noted, which really didn't make them feel better at all. Lars tried to take control of this situation, typing away in hopes of countering against this supernatural force. "Not for this long." It almost sounded like he was trying to convince himself that.

Despite looking calm, Lars was panicking on the inside. He couldn't let anything happen, to Lucky, to himself, and those around the area. As long as the power didn't-

The orb's cubes popped out suddenly, the power slowly turning off until everything was turned off. It went dead quiet, the only sound being the steady breaths coming from both of them. Lucky looked around her surroundings, the red light creating a dark and Eerie atmosphere in the lab.

"Okay." Lars interrupted the silence, continuing to type on his screen that by some miracle was still working. "Just..have for the generators to warm up again." He continued, his face laced with uncertainty and a bit of worry. Thats when it hit him, if the power was off, that meant-

"The proton fields are down."

The two could hear them start to shut off, a sound they never wanted to hear ever. Lucky looked around again, paranoia creeping into her mind, the ghosts could escape now, any moment now. Every noise startled her, one being seemingly from the hall of captive ghosts. "Do you hear that..?" She asked, as she started to walk towards the hallway.

Lars was on overdrive now, overstimulated yet there was no time to relax. If he didn't get those fields up again, the ghosts would escape. As he worked, he gazed around to see if any ghosts had escaped. To his surprise, none had left the fields yet, not even the possesser who he thought would be first to go.

Now one question remained on their minds.

"Why hasn't the ghosts escaped yet?" Lucky was the first to say it outloud, her gaze down the hallway of contained ghosts. Her heart raced faster to more she gazed down that hallway, as if something was gonna appear from the proton fields, to grab her and Lars without Mercy. She took a deep breath, maybe it was fine, maybe they were still contained...

A scream came out of her as her hopes were shattered, the sight of the possesser throwing itself against the window, managing to crack it. She turned to her left, her heart dropping seeing another slowly crawl out of its prison, its gaze lurking onto her. She was frozen with fear, watching helplessly as they began to make their escape. The slow crawl of the ghosts, the possesser nearly shattering the glass.

Lucky managed to stand back a little, unable to tear her eyes away from their impending doom, drawing closer and closer to them. She shut her eyes, bracing herself for her end. Nothing came to her, nothing possesing her nothing attacking her, maybe she was asleep or dead now, just a quick end.

But as she opened her eyes, she heard the sound of the generators kicking back on, the ghosts forced back into containment.

She looked behind her, seeing Lars standing up and hunched over his computer, she can see the fear in his eyes. Before Lucky could say anything, Lars spoke before her, panic and fear in his tone. "We need to shut that thing up!" He exclaimed, adrenaline running through his veins. It was overwhelming for him, they nearly were victims of high classed ghost attacks, just in the nick of time he got the generators working.

Glancing at the orb, he concluded immediately that this was the source, the source of many new problems to come their way.

Without even thinking, he grabbed onto the orb as he lifted up the cover, ready to throw it out of the machine. A sharp pain hit him as he touched the orb, his whole body shaking as if he was shivering. He tried to pull away, finding he couldn't no matter how much strengh he used. He hissed in pain, as it felt as if his hand was becoming numb and cold the longer he felt the orb. His fear became stronger, fearing the orb he held onto as he continued to pry at it.

Finally he managed to pull away, but his eyes widen seeing the orb was still on his hand, its weight pulling him down. He let out a pained scream that even startled Lucky, who was now watching in horror as his hand looked like it was solid ice now.

Lars continued to scream, as a cold feeling went up his arm, his hand feeling as if it was no longer apart of him. He moved his arm widely, shaking violently to get the orb off his hand. Panic and adrenaline clouding any rational thoughts, he slammed his hand against the machine a few times, creating a sickening sound of ice against metal.

After a strong hit against the machine, the orb finally dropped heavily against the floor. Along with frozen hand still holding it. Lars felt as if he needed to throw up, his hand broken off his limb, holding onto the orb and creating a sickening look to both him and Lucky. He raised his arm to his face, his body trembling at the mere sight of his missing hand.

"Hospital, now." Lucky declared, grabbing onto his shoulders to guide him out of the lab and into a more safer area.

Lars looked behind him, staring back at the orb that held his hand, it no longer looked like his own hand.

Oh god, why did he had to know everything.

[jolivira]

DW POSITIVITY DRIVE

in case you havent seen it, theres this initiative going around by taka to share stuff we love about doctor who!

so heres my list of stuff, in no particular order:

thasmin

I could write for hours about how important thasmin is to me but to spare all of you I wanted to focus on how the ship happened on the show, how chibbs, mandip and jodie saw our love for the characters and how much we related to them and decided to make it happen for us! and ended up gaving us one of the most beautiful wlw storylines ever

series 5

the whole crack in the wall plot is so well written and so mysterious and fun, honestly for me s5 is a capsule of everything good in doctor who! I loooove the fairytale/peter pan storyline sprinkled through amy's character, the humour, the episodes, river coming back, thE VAN GOGH EPISODE????

the van gogh episode

(I thought it deserved its own topic thingy because its that good)

PRAXEUS

its such a good episode, the visuals are stunning, the character parallels are great, the humour is good, it has so many iconic lines ("did she say brains" "thats why you smell like a dead bird" "Im a sucker for a scientist"), DID I MENTION BRAZILIAN QUEEN GABRIELA SPEAKING PORTUGUESE, the episode also takes advantage of the tardis potential and we go to new places outside europe/north america, gay kiss, its just such a good episodeeeeeee

him

missy what a beautifully complex character... sillyness combined with terrifying seriousness, danger, unpredictability and tragedy, with a potential for good just under the surface. basically I really like her and I will defend her to the end of times

yasmin khan god where do I even start. I think yaz has one of the most beautiful character arcs Ive ever seen, subtle and gentle, just like her. yaz is a character that at first glance people dont really get, and youre not supposed to, slowly she grows inside of you, opens up and develops. her journey from struggling with bullying and mental health issues, to desperately looking for something important to do and then meeting the doctor, falling in love with her, repressing her feelings to then finally come to terms with it and love her life like she never thought possible before (I need to stop here otherwise Im gonna bawl my eyes out) ((but you get the gist))

just any time the doctor speaks/pretends to speak with animals, aliens that dont speak english or babies, thats my shit right there

coatless 13 in the magenta shirt (I love her so much)

anytime the doctor Fixes or Builds Things and they are surrounded with steampunk tools and helmets and shit, like yes little nerd go make something explode

this one is a bit of a cheat cause its not about the show itself! but I just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone who creates stuff as well as supports stuff being made here in the fandom! in special I wanted to thank fanfic writers yall are fucking incredible and those masterpieces have helped me a ton, they also truly inspire me, so yeah keep on being amazing!!

I think that's all for now at least, and if you reached the end of this enormous post make sure to make your own, go go go!

[asfearlessasamango]

here i ammmmm i hope this isnt the longest ask ever lol but i cannot overstate how GORGEOUS i find your prose. the phrase “tiredness curls up in each joint like old cats in old corners” is so absolutely evocative and paints such a melancholic, beautiful, rich picture in my mind every time i remember it. i could actually get it tattooed thats how seriously beautiful i find it. most of all i loooooooove the amount of social norms, architectural details, cultural differences etc etc you infused in the story to fill in the gaps of the canon universe. the choice of using of rice paper vs. glass and all the reasoning behind it is the example that comes to mind, but im sure that if i knew more about east asian cultures, i could identify more and more details you scattered throughout the plot to turn this make believe world into a truthful parallel of the real one we have. i can only say bravo. and if you have any recommended reading for homework, i’d love to know more about these references! now back to your writing! one of thee strongest points of the story, for me, is how believable these characters are as people. they feel so fully fleshed out that sometimes it was like intruding on someone’s most private thoughts - even a little painful to keep going, and i mean that in the best way possible! i especially loved the subtle addition of zuko’s ingrained sexism and prejudice against other nations, things that ofc he’s never had reason to unlearn in this universe. he is compassionate, but can be very unkind - seems like a delicate balance, but in your story, it just flows naturally. you inhabit their heads, strengths, flaws and life experiences so well, like sokka’s blind defensiveness when he thinks of himself as helpless, his brashness and ingenuity when he sees zuko more as a puzzle to solve than a person. that goes even people who haven't gotten that much plot attention yet - like azula wearing blue lipstick (!!!!) foaming at the mouth from the thought. OFC she would!!! shes bold, shes confident and shes here to shine + now she allows herself to have fun! do “ugly” and “imperfect” things for fun! and all the parallels between this redeemed azula and the canon zuko we know. your oc who is zuko's guardian, who he calls grandma, hasn't even shown up yet and i already love and miss her. uncle iroh!!!! zuko assuming malice from uncle iroh who only wants the best for him - but ofc he doesnt know that! but we do, and it hurtssss katara and aang!!! the bath scene with aang, zuko’s forced vulnerability, their honesty, aang’s absolute grace towards zuko. suki and the kyoshi warriors! i trust they will get their turn to kick some ignorant prince ass. and the thing that draws me the most to this genre: the exploration of trauma in its aftermath. your storytelling is wonderfully brutal here. like… you draw a white picture by filling in all its shadowy contours…. if that makes sense. all the ways zuko’s life was affected by his father add up to the shape of his hurt. him not eating fatty foods to stay fit and "bend better". recognizing azula in his own reflection instead of himself. wearing his mom’s night clothes. im going feral feral feral whew! in my heart all this would’ve been a very pretty glittery letter sent to your author p.o. box. i love your story and it lives constantly in my imagination - thank you so much for sharing it with the world!!!

ohhhmg.... thank you for this!! i sat on it for a whole minute to respond right! i'm so glad you like it!! i love that you love all these characters' new lives <3 <3

there are so many Very Careful Lines to Walk in doing an ATLA au bc the original characters and cultural stories are really so complex. and i am FAR from an expert on east asian history / cultures but here are a few sources that I found helpful / interesting:

jinian qian's writing for The Millions, especially the articles "The Moon Is Beautiful Tonight: On East Asian Narratives" and "Light in the West and Shadows in the East"

chaoyang trap, which is not at all about ancient china but about very modern chinese cultural existence, especially on the Internet / social media / fandom. I can't say this has directly provided me with a lot of relevant info but it does help me figure out attitude / approaches / how things "translate" into western contexts

and of course there are so many A:TLA blogs that really keep the analytical conversations going and make ao3 as vibrant as it is-- @atlaculture, @boybff, @volkswagonblues, @azularedemptionarcwhen, @chitsangenthusiast, @azulasnailtech, @visit-ba-sing-se, @marriedzukka, @bleekay, @ash-and-starlight, @sokkagatekeeper, @azulapropaganda, @zukkababey, @comradekatara, @ofherlionheart, @chaoticsandstorm

okay i will stop blasting this post into all of atla tumblr's notifs but the above blogs are total Gs, 10/10, would not be as deep into my MFA in a:tla without these trailblazing scholars who went before me

have a lovely vintage kermit meme, mwah

[crystallizedkingdoms]

I had a crazy autism car crash moment and thought about what each of the yiik characters TMA affiliated entity would be so now I’m going to list out all my possibilities + my reasonings. I haven’t listened to tma in forever i need to relisten sometime so this is off of my Memory and the wiki so BE NICE.

Alex: ik The Extinction was kind of my immediate gut feeling because of the whole y2k destruction thing he has going on AND I STILL FEEL THAT FITS. BUT! going off of his actual character alone, the Web is honestly sooo him. with how he spins the whole narrative to fit whatever he feels suits him best. he fears so much about not having control of his life that he turns around and starts doing it to everyone instead. and it’s just never ending in that sense. this feels the most blatant honestly No Notes.

Vella: shes very Buried to me for reasons i am struggling to explain, but i think what draws me to it is how shes been known to shut herself out from situations she cant control and when the world is falling apart around her. like thats literally how we meet her in the first place she had a bad circumstance and she escapes it by trapping herself in another fucking dimension. which feels very Buried to me. also i like how she presses the sides of her head with her hands when shes stressed i like to think tight spaces comfort her just as much as they frighten her in a way.

Rory: IM STUCK BETWEEN THE LONELY AND THE VAST. on one hand the Lonely is so obvious that it hurts, Rory surrounds and pretty much defines himself in loneliness. and to that end you’d think it would be kind of hard to give him anything else. but then you think specifically about his little theories, how thoughtful he is towards the idea of how humanity and souls occupy space, and its like oh shit. so i believe there is Some element of Vast in him. also i love the idea of him and Vella as physical foils OKAY THERE I ADMIT IT.

Claudio: this man could not be more Hunt coded if he fucking tried. his search for his brother is practically endless because he won’t just accept the most likely answer that he’s dead, until the search literally consumes him. when it becomes clear a physical Hunt won’t fulfill his desire for the chase, he starts using the Internet/ONISM to start a digital Hunt that can go on forever and ever and ever. maybe there’s even a little part of Claudio that doesn’t even want to find Aaron, knowing it’ll bring an end to his Hunt.

Chondra: when i make this into a full fledged AU with some semblance of story, i imagine her being the only one who starts out not clearly affiliated with any particular fear because of just how incredibly disinterested she is in anything trying to drag her down. HOWEVER, i think that she would be marked by the End, what with how the death (in her eyes) of her brother haunts her everywhere she goes even if she tries to distance herself away from it, until eventually she gives in and lets it claim her as an avatar.

Michael: i had to save him for last because he’s the one that made me think of this at all and i have so many ideas. HES SO FULL OF POTENTIAL I FOUND THREE GOOD ANSWERS. Part of me wants to separate it into the different facets of Michael that we see throughout the game + the little snippet of I.V. the Michael whos the eternal best friend and blind to the broken narrative Alex creates is such Stranger, i can imagine him Literally being a life sized doll painted to look like the Michael of Alex’s dreams but it’s just. a little off.

meanwhile Red Michael is The Spiral, so achingly aware that everything about the world Stranger Michael lives in is a lie but being unable to communicate that to himself outside of the red room so he spirals into ONISM and consistently tries to find reality where everything is a nostalgia-based deception that further pulls him to the path of Distortion,

FINALLY. Proto-Michael, consumed by the Eye, being painfully aware of everything around him, when no one else seems capable of doing so, and desperately wanting to know the answer to it all. I think this is the entity that fits his entire, Singular the most, because Michael is such a solution-oriented, curious guy and his need to understand every strange, supernatural thing in this world really reflects on his entire character. ALSO the camera motif with him would go FIRE with the Eye. so when i make this an AU separate from the canon events of yiik that’s probably what im gonna go with. But still isn’t this super cool.

uhhhh this was super long and doesn’t even feature other prominent characters but. hey this is the main cast so at least i got that. I’ll keep working on this tho yippeeeee

[g0nta-g0kuhara]

Haha, yeah, uh... asks can get... really long 😅. I'm glad you read all that, though! I was a bit nervous, lol.

I would genuinely LOVE TO see the art piece you described, and I totally understand that being something that's been on your mind for a while with no proper way to execute it.

Also honestly? I will definitely admit that I'm a Kokichi sympathizer, but even I cringe seeing how he behaved in Ch4. So you're totally fair in being blunt about that! I think one of the most important things about reading Kokichi is chapter 4 is acknowledging that he could be justifiably terrified of his situation and hurt watching Gonta not remember anything AND STILL say and do things that are hard to if not impossible to sympathize with. He wasn't just an evil mastermind manipulating Gonta and hurting people for funnies, but he was not a blameless victim of circumstance. His and Gonta's roles are so tightly woven together and so insanely complex, and Kokichi did a LOT of things wrong.

But you're so right about there being a sort of fun in picking apart chapter 4 for everything that it is! It's a painful chapter, but it's just so interesting and nuanced. I could write a whole other long response about it and probably dozens more there's just so much to talk about! (And if you ever want someone new to chat with about ch4, and are comfortable with it, I would enjoy talking with you more about it.)

Thanks for listening to me ramble haha.

Yeah, you can imagine me being a Gonta diehard since ch2 painted my view of ch4 in a certain way, and then I had to stew on it for months without playing ch5 due to life circumstances. But my whole world got flipped upside down a second time when I saw how Kokichi acted in ch5. He's such a complex character and I adore that about him. I love the intense emotions he's able to invoke in me (both negative and positive ones!!)

I have a clear image of Kokichi in my head as part of my interpretation of ch4 that I've tried and struggled to articulate clearly. But to me, part of his "leader" talent involved him deeply repressing his personal feelings on the situation in order to lead/manipulate everyone into a position he thought would get as many out alive as possible. Which did involve sacrificing a few pawns, which probably did tear him up inside (considering his motive video). but also... good intentions aren't everything, and he did do things that hurt a lot of the other characters. But thats WHY he's a cool character. He's fascinating because he's not a straightfoward supervillain or a victim of circumstance (like you said) and I love love love this part of his character so much.

I super appreciate the offer!! Sometimes I get stuck in my head about ch4 but don't want to post about it because I struggle to be eloquent on my own, I'd love to talk to you more about ch4 sometime qwq

[jemmo]

i don’t know how else to describe eternal yesterday, and the profound affect watching it has had on me, other than it’s the most quietly heart-breaking show I’ve possibly ever seen. It presents its subject matter so simply and plainly in a way that makes it feel huge, overwhelmingly huge, painfully huge. It’s premise is not for supernatural drama, it isn’t played up, not laughed at or exaggerated or used to give things more unnecessary emotional weight, it simply gives physicality to the real experience of letting someone go, to having to let someone go, to having to let go, and the indescribable pain of it that you can’t truly know until you’ve experienced it. It’s a glimpse into this short period of time, less than a week, that is so private to them, and is so concentrated with emotion, that truly does feel like time stopped, holding on, the fear of the moment passing, so instead the pain of it is just dragged out. You think of course they should do this, fight for every last second they can have together, but then you come to realise this life after death, this impossible extension, its a curse just as much as it is a miracle. We always wish we could know when we are going to lose someone so we can take that chance to say goodbye, but is that easier or harder? how do we wrestle with the pain of holding on but the pain of letting go? its a situation we cannot win, its simply a situation that has to happen, and we have to let time tick on. 

there’s so many moments i want to bring attention to in this series but i’ll hold back and just talk on the 4 that feel the most special to me. first, a personal one, because in so many ways oumi reminds me of myself, and never has that been more true than the line “honestly, i feel comfortable when i’m alone. and i hate myself for being comfortable”. i cant think of another character that has embodied this anxiety i have in myself so much, and so simply, this ridiculous contradiction of being so at peace in your own company and despising that peace sometimes, wishing it wasn’t so peaceful, so maybe you wouldn’t be alone, maybe you’d do something, go out there, find people and things to do, and yet all that time maybe you’d be thinking “i’d like it so much better now if i was at home by myself”. its kind of ridiculous, and maybe people like us do need a koichi to be the company in our lonely peace, but yeah... i just have never felt so seen by a show before.

secondly, that final conversation oumi has with his father, because this whole time the situation feels so insular. even though other people know, and other people love koichi, and koichi loves other people, this is about oumi and koichi, and no one can truly understand the immensity of what those two are feeling in that moment. its like i said, you cant understand it unless you’re in it, unless you’ve experienced it. and yet, at the end, this minorly present, distant father comes in and says “what you’re going through, i went through that too”. and its the kind of conversation that doesn’t happen because they’ve both experienced this supernatural phenomenon of a love one existing after death, it happens because they’ve both lost people they’ve loved, and that something thats universal, and the people watching don’t need to have experienced anything supernatural to empathise with that. its when the audience truly realise that this story might be insular to them, but the story has also been told infinite times by countless people, and such the emotion of it is both theirs and everyones.

third, i think my heart actually crumbled to pieces when koichi said someone could have 2 number 1s. its his phrase, he loves mitchan the most, mitchan is his number 1. and its only given more weight when oumi says it back, and even more so when we hear his ending lines, about always wanting to be number 1 to someone, and that someone being his number 1 too, and how much of a miracle that is. for that same person, knowing he has to leave that person he loves the most, to say you can have 2 number 1s, saying to oumi its ok, you can move on, in the future you can have people that are precious to you, thats so fucking beautiful, and is an act of such love i cant even put it into words. you can feel so guilty sometimes for moving on from a loved one, for even feeling like you’re replacing them, so that gesture, that permission, that almost request, to not lose happiness and love because you’re losing them, to let yourself be happy again, because thats the biggest gift you could give to those you lose, thats just beautiful. 

and finally, the moments in episode 6 where koichi is starting to disappear, and when people start to walk into rooms and not see him, i don’t think i’ve ever seen such a good metaphor for what its like to have a same-sex partner and for them to never truly be seen as your partner. because when that nurse walked in and was just talking to oumi, like koichi wasn’t there and yet he was, and oumi got so mad because thats the most important person in his life how dare you not see him, how dare you ignore him. i think it was him saying ignore that connected it for me, because thats what its like when you walk in with a same sex partner and you’re not recognised or seen as a couple. I thought to myself if this nurse walked in and oumi was sat with a girl, how he’d instantly be asked if its his girlfriend, but no he’s sat with a boy so you dont even bother asking, either because you dont think to or dont want to. we get flashes of it throughout the show with people not knowing about their relationship or the relationship between the teachers, how the gay is hidden. and with koichi gone but not gone, he’s like a ghost in oumi’s world, and i feel like that’s what it can feel like sometimes, walking around with someone you feel like no one else can see when theyre all you can see. theyre there but no one draws attention to them, no one wants to acknowledge them or it, the relationship, the ghost in the room, to the point you want to scream they do exist, how dare you think they dont. and when oumi gets angry on koichi’s behalf, thats what happens, thats what it can sometimes feel like experiencing homophobia. its horrid and angering and you want to scream because how dare they do that to the most important person in the world but theyre at peace with it. koichi has accepted his fate much like someone learns to accept hate and harrasment, they become at peace with it. and you can get angry all you like but that doesn’t change anything, that doesnt stop it from happening, thats what it feels like. you get that when you lose someone, you get angry when other people have moved on when you cant, you wont, you dont want to, you think why dont people care anymore, how can they be so unfair and unkind and unfeeling, which is why its shocking that themes of loss can mirror these queer experiences, where a partner can feel invisible to everyone even when their heart is beating. thats why i think this blending of actual loss and actual invisibility with queerness being hidden and unseen is just heart-breaking genius.

this show is heavy, and has honestly brought out in me one of the most condensed visceral reactions to media ive ever had. i feel sad, i feel drained, i feel broken. ive cried so much, and my sadness is physical, my heart hurts, it feels heavy. and yet... i do feel at peace. i feel at peace with this sadness because its something you have to learn to do in life. these experiences are inevitable and ive always tried to avoid these heavier shows, things i know will hurt and make me sad and feel things, where there isn’t a core of happiness, a good ending to keep you together. but sometimes it has to be embraced to see the beauty in it, because as koichi said, despite what happens, despite the tragedy and sadness and loss, at the core of the story if two people meeting and falling in love, and how that simple, human connection, that we all have, is a miracle, so treasure it.