#narcisstic resources

[franknfurterstriangulardinosaur]

The thing is that if there was any positive resources for Personality Disorders, we would be able to get better. Instead, if we look up “narcissist help”, articles come up with “how to destroy a narcissist” and “they’re self absorbed, entitled and manipulative”. You look up your disorder and you just get things that articles on how other people can destroy your mental health, just because you have your condition, because of the trauma that caused you to have this personality disorder. It’s like they don’t want us to get better, they just want us to know how we’re horrible. They need people to demonise us, they want us to be destroyed. They make sure that everything hurts us. They expect us to recover then stigmatise the things we are trying to fix. That doesn’t convince us to get better, that convinces us to become the worst version of ourselves.

[clusterrune]

fellow narcs i have a question

what is your narc supply? what things give you a narc high?

it would be great if i could compile a list to better help people understand what a narc supply is and what a narc high is like.

i know people tend to misinterpret it as an emotional high, sometimes i myself even tend to misread my emotional highs as narc highs sometimes because of overlapping factors.

i mostly see compliments given as a narc supply, but generic compliments like "youre so cool", "i like your hair", "you did a good job" and so on dont exactly do it for me because my bpd automatically reads them as disingenuous at times. instead things like "youre so good at x i need advice from you", "i know you like x so i wanted to ask you", "you know/did xyz and thats so cool of you!" and so on seem to be more of a "narc supply" for me.

i'd love to hear from others what its like from them so i could make a list/post to help people supporting narcs understand what we need. /np /g

[larrysblooming]

.

[colorisbyshe]

People within and around the LGBT community have always had dumb, harmful, and ultimately anti-LGBT takes

but I do think the argument of cisgender, straight ace inclusion into the community (and thus the inclusion of all of their rhetoric including the split attraction model and conversion therapy-lite rhetoric like “you can desire sex with someone without it being sexual attraction”) is emblematic and the peak of bad takes being seen as acceptable and even progressive.

And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that cisgender, straight ace inclusion started to be argued for around when gay marriage was legalized and it became more acceptable for people to be LGBT. With that, LGBT rep in media has increased, LGBT people were seen as ~cool in certain spheres, and talks about privilege increased, making a lot of people panic and look for ways to seem both cool and Not An Oppressor.

Imo, this shift around privilege/oppression can be tied to the erosion of a lot of identities, where they’re simultaneously revered and watered down (See: everything is a symptom and can be diagnosed, everyone is a victim of narcisstic gaslighting, etc), but I think with the LGBT community it’s kind of easiest to draw a straight line to where it has become the most blatant.

The second people started arguing that cisgender, straight people are LGBT, should have access to LGBT resources, can reclaim anti-LGBT slurs, and have a more profound understanding of sexuality… we opened the door to bisexual/straight lesbians, lesbians being mean oppressors, and every other piece of funkiness we’ve seen around who can call who/themselves queer.

[welcomee-homeee]

“In simple terms a narcisstic family is one in which the needs of the parents are the focus and the children are expected in various ways to meet those needs. The healthy family model is turned on its head to support the parents rather than foster the children’s development

As in other kinds of dysfunctional families, there is abuse and corresponding denial of the abuse. There is also secrecy, neglect, unrealistic expectations, an impoverishment of empathy, disrespect for boundaries, and ongoing conflict.”

1. Acceptance Is Conditional.

To gain acceptance, children must comply with the family narrative and value system. Expressions of difference are rejected and pathologized.

2. Submission Is Required

Everyone is expected to submit to the dominant narcissist’s authority, no matter how ignorant, arbitrary, cruel, or destructive it is.

3. Someone Must Be Blamed for Problems

When something bad happens, from a lost job to a spilled glass of milk, someone must be blamed for it. Typically there is a family scapegoat who is made to bear the main burden of the family’s problems, frustration, and unhappiness, as well as the dominant narcissist’s projected self-loathing.

4. Vulnerability Is Dangerous

Mistakes, accidents, and weaknesses, even ones you take responsibility for, are cause for shaming treatment that can persist for years.

5. You Must Take Sides

Just as there is always blame and shame, there are always sides, and if you are not on the dominant narcissist’s side you are wrong. Children often feel forced to choose between parents, siblings, and other family members.

6. There Is Never Enough Love and Respect to Go Around

Renewable resources in healthy families, love and respect are limited to the narcissist and whomever else is deemed worthy, usually a favored "golden" child. Respect for one person means disrespect for another.

7. Feelings Are Wrong

The feelings that make us human, help us connect and get our needs met, and protect us from harm are selfish and must be repressed. Only the narcissist has free rein to express feelings, have emotional reactions, and make demands.

8. Competition, Not Cooperation, Rules the Day

One-upmanship, favoritism, and constant comparison create a harshly competitive environment that undermines trust and breeds hostility and betrayal.

9. Appearances Are More Important Than Substance

Even if everyone is suffering, they must smile for the family photos

10. Rage Is Normalized

Everyone is expected to swallow and endure the dominant narcissist’s irrational, explosive, and perhaps also violent rage. This may be magnified by other forms of mental illness and/or addiction.

11. Denial Is Rampant

To sustain the dominant narcissist’s control over the family, there is denial of:

- abusive incidents.

- the continual atmosphere of fear.

- the ongoing mistreatment of the scapegoat.

- routine forms of neglect.

12. There Is No Safety

Although the scapegoat is targeted with the most abuse, everyone is on hyperalert because no one is safe from blame and rage.

[longwindedbore]

The world’s Plutocratic Pimps are AOK with EXTRACTiNG more and more and more and more of what the worker/streetwalkers eke out from longer and longer and longer hours servicing the Johns.

Somehow the the Plutocratic Pimps who inherited their control of the world’s resources aren’t responsible for (artificial? avoidable?) shortages?

Remind me…why do we think that these Plutocratic Pimps control resources that have existed in the ground for billions of years? Or fall from the sky? Or grow naturally creating the seeds for the next year?

Why do we accept the claim that a single Plutocratic Pimp would “own” the machinery that took thousands of workers thousands of hours to construct. Quite a few of those workers died in the mine collapses or factory fires or were crushed by the machines because the Pimps were stingy on paying for Safety?

Why isn’t the initial murder or genocide that provided the inherited control EVER viewed as a heinous crime?

Any of the workers crippled by the lack of safety measures are left to their own because it’s ‘the workers fault’ they were injured.

Like it’s the soldiers fault they were near burn pits, drank the tainted water. A “Defense” budget that is a conduit for trillion$$ to industry has no money to prevent the poisoning of Hawaii’s water supply let alone avoid poisoning its own troops?

Why do we believe that Pimps “own” the transportation systems of the Global created by the machinery to move billion year-old natural resources and machine made products? Supply chains that are in a stage of worldwide collapse because of the ineptitude and colossal ignorance of the Plutocratic Pimps who inherited control?

Will we wake up and SEE the Reality in which Pimps control the Streetwalkers through Narcisstic co-dependency and frequent use of brutal force.

Allowing the Pimps to steal most of what the Streetwalking workers make in activities the workers hate but are forced to perform to survive?

The streetwalkers creating every single last thing that is the “Economy”.

In return the Pimps take all that the workers create while the Pimps provide nothing but misery and a pittance for survival.

[thoughtsbeewild]

The Female Director-TWO FACE FAKE MOM BITCH, FAKE TO YOUR FACE, EVIL /TRADER BEHIND YOUR BACK

Why did the company hire this SELFIE NARCISSTIC DEMOCRAT FORMERLY NEW SINGLE DIVORCED MOM, why cause yo exhusband cant stand stand your ass anymore and neither of all the former employees who left that company BECAUSE HIRED A MONSTER WHO THRIVES ON CONTROL, POWER. I remember how twisted she was, she would try make introduction calls as a BULLSHIT way to sound like she wants get to know you, wants to help you with your success and growth, but ALL SELLING THE DEMONCRAT BULLSHIT. THE PURPOSE OF that CHECKIN MEETING with a direct one on one with this LEADER IS TO GET SHIT OUT OF YOU, and twist it and name it to something different to Human Resources. I'm then thinking about POLITICS at same time, is this what they did to the orange man. Media twisting on this shit, and having the MAIN STREAM MEDIA< STUPID VIEW< Puppet of CELEBRITES THAT UNDER CONTRACT TO GET PAID, to help get rid of that orange man. So how did the same thing happen to me in REAL LIFE< REAL TIME but with a director WHO HIRED HER FRIEND SUPERVISOR, SECRETLY HIRED HER BLACK BEST FRIEND WHO A MOM OF 3 ON YOUR TEAM AND SECRETLY TRY GET MORE SHIT OUT OF YOU FROM HER BEST FRIEND( I DIDNT KNOW TILL HELLO FACEBOOK SHOWED THIER ONGOING BESTIE COMMENTS, LIKE FRIEND I GOT YOU, YOUR BOSS IS THE WORST, WHICH HER BEST FRIEND GET THE FREE PASS CARD. LIKE BITCH THE ONLY REASON YOU HAVE A JOB, BECAUSE YOUR FRIEND DIRECTOR REFERRED YOU AND SHE GOT 1500 REFER A FRIEND BONUS. AS ORANGE MAN SAYS, DEMONCRATS SQUAD (FRIENDS ) to help strategized to get rid of the employees they hated. Which would cover the DIRECTOR BUDGET and then find stupid dumbfucks to pay them at lower wage, and it would buy her time to keep her position. Working with her felt like you are a prisoner, she would say stuff like LOOK AT THIS AS OPPORTUNITY TO GROW< HEY FUCK YOU I GOT THE POWER TO FIRE YOU< JUST NEED help from my friend the supervisor to WRITE BULLSHIT THINGS ABOUT YOU TO HR. What makes me more mad, HOW DOES HEAD OF CONTROLLER< CHIEF financial officers SUPPORT HER AND BELIEVE HER? You know WHY BECAUSE because this is how our world is now JOE BIDEN IS IN OFFICE< THEY HIRE ASSHOLE LEADERS THAT THRIVE ON TITLE< COnTROL, and power. But not really helping the people but helping themselves. Just never thought I had an orange man moment, until it happened to me..NOW I BELIEVE< YOU SHOULD TOOO PLEASE!!!

[lhs3020b]

Axiom’s End, by Lindsay Ellis

I finished this book last night, and it’s very likely the most interesting book I’ve read so far in 2021.

This is a book that’s hard to discuss without spoilers, so please be aware that the Spoiler Light is on for all commentary below the cut...

SYNOPSIS

Cora Sabino’s life is a bit of a mess. She’s dropped out from college, is currently living with her mother Demi (a situation that neither of them like) and is working in a soul-destroying temp job at a crap company. To make it worse, her estranged father Nils is a Julian Assange-type figure whose continual leaks of classified documents have made Cora’s family a surveillance target for various three-letter agencies. The year is 2007, Bush is the President and it’s the era of peak War on Terror hysteria.

Then a meteor comes down just outside Los Angeles. In the aftermath of this event, Nils releases documents alledging that the US government has secretly held a group of aliens - the so-called “Fremda group” - prisoner for years, and that the public is being misled about the occurence of this First Contact.

Cora wants nothing to do with Nils or his schemes - the man is a toxic narcissist who abandoned his wife and children, after all, and has been a source of nothing but trouble in their lives. Then, one night, Demi’s house gets burgled.

The burgler turns out to be Ampersand, an actual literal alien, who recently arrived on Earth. The meteor that smashed windows across Los Angeles was actually his spacecraft (the fact that the descent seems to have been uncontrolled is a detail that’s never elaborated on in the story, interestingly). Ampersand is very much on Earth for his own reasons, and they may not align with any human concerns. Ampersand wants data on where the Fremda group may have been kept - as Cora’s family are relatives of Nils, he assumes they may know something, hence the burglary. Once it becomes apparent they don’t, he resorts to a Plan B. And Cora finds herself ensnared in an escalating mess of both human and alien schemes.

DISCUSSION

Ampersand is a character who is hard to work out in some ways. On the one hand, it’s arguable whether “he” is really anyone’s friend. (A small side-note on the gendering: Cora notes in-universe that assigning “him” a male gender is probably misleading - it’s doubtful that Ampersand sees himself as being either male or female in the human sense - but his translated voice sounds male, so in the end she just decided to roll with it. Ampersand him - or itself/themself - doesn’t seem to care one way or the other about this particular issue.)

Ampersand’s behaviour is quite amoral. He’s happy to deceive people, lie by omission and - as we learn later on - has some quite grim things in his backstory. His evident dislike of humans becomes particularly ironic when you learn what he did to learn how human language works. (Yes, Superorganism, we have moral flaws. But honestly? You’re not any better.) He also has no problem abducting Cora and sticking a chip in her - but, that said, he also passes on a few opportunities to Kick the Proverbial Dog. Once he makes his agreement with Cora, he actually sticks to it and keeps up his end of the bargain.

Also, his underlying motivation - trying to help a group of refugees who have fled an alien genocide - is sympathetic.

Lastly, there are the events of the ending. He could easily have abandoned Cora while she was severely injured after the final encounter with Obelus - in fact it probably would have made his escape easier, and he might even have been able to save the Genome if he had - but instead he stops the bleeding, repairs the worst of her injuries and then takes her straight to the nearest hospital. (Whether he also settled her hospital bills is never addressed...)

But on the other hand, Ampersand is frankly the architect of many of his own problems. It’s clear he’s lied to everyone about everything, including his own people in the Fremda group. As the book goes on it becomes less and less clear whose side he’s actually on - honestly it’s not entirely clear if he even knows himself. (He stops Cora from killing Obelus, when she very nearly did.) It’s also notable that had Cora actually followed Ampersand’s directions late in the book - roughly, “leave this place and never come back, no matter how you feel”  - then what remained of the Fremda group would almost certainly have been exterminated by Obelus. There are only any survivors at all basically because Cora decides to take matters into her own hands and sneaks back to the barn when Ampersand isn’t looking.

There is a definite theme in this book about narcism; Nils is the most obvious example, but I think it can also be applied to Ampersand and the Superorganism more generally. Ampersand has trouble wrapping his alien head around the idea that humans have agency or indeed any “skin in the game”. He also has a low opinion of our species as a whole - but the more you find out about the Superorganism, it cannot be argued that they’re any better than us, just older and more advanced. Lastly, the Superorganism itself seems to have the same problem - they seem to be baffled that the transients are so hostile, but it’s no surprise given that the Superorganism never misses a chance to try to kill them whenever it meets them. Meanwhile the Autocrat’s plan to solve a political problem through internal genocide has clearly backfired - whatever you think of the situation, dragging a third species (us!) into the Superorganism/transient mess has not worked out to the Autocrat’s advantage. (If nothing else, the Autocrat is now having to expend resources on a situation that does not directly-relate to containing the transients and while the Superorganism’s capabilities are clearly large, they’re also ultimately-finite.)

People think they know better, but each clever scheme just escalates the mess they’re already in. If you’re in a hole you should stop digging, but instead this lot go and fetch themselves a Channel Tunnel-style boring machine!

As for Cora, she’s in the “ordinary person in extraordinary circumstances” role. Honestly, she does pretty well, all considered. You couldn’t really blame her if she’d ended up sat in a darkened corner rocking backwards and forwards, but she doesn’t. She stays on her feet throughout, manages to react effectively to changing circumstances, and more-or-less threads the needle on a whole mess of competing factions (Obelus/Ampersand/the Fremdas/the US government). Her relationship with Ampersand also evolves over the book, from intense mutual suspicion to something a bit more nuanced. There’s also a hilariously fan-ficcy bit near the very end, though I won’t spoil it if you haven’t read the book :)

One thing I couldn’t quite work out was, when exactly did Ampersand fusion-bond Cora? It was apparently subtle - she didn’t seem to specifically-notice anything when it happened, though the aftereffects became increasingly obvious. (Apparently it also didn’t play out in quite the way Ampersand expected either, though given that Cora’s central nervous system is completely different from his, it’s a bit surprising that he thought it would behave predictably. Though, this arguably does bring us back to the point about the narcissm issue - do something without any thought to the consequences is a very narcisstic way to act.)

Lastly, the ending does leave quite a few things open. What did Luciana actually know? What are the Fremda group survivors going to do now? Who or what is the third species? Are the transients really here on Earth and if so, why? But there are going to be sequels, so I’m sure we’ll find out :)

[pjstafford]

Mulder calls Frasier

Premise: A Reddit post suggested Cheers, Frasier and X Files were in the same Universe with the connection of the same actress who played the grown Eves was Frasier crazed, devilish and possibly murderous agent. This got me thinking that David was a call in guest on Frasier...or was it Mulder?

A small town near Seattle 1996

6:30 p.m.

“I’m sorry, Scully.”

They are in the rental car in the motel parking lot. Mulder is in the passenger seat unfastening his seat belt. The car is running. Scully looks at him and shrugs. The body they exhumed earlier is in the city morgue awaiting autopsy. The morgue is short on resources and overcrowded with bodies awaiting examination. They could only offer the facility to the FBI for this purpose in the evening. So while Mulder is going inside to rest, Scully is beginning a second shift.

“ You can do the next autopsy.” She jokes.

Mulder enters his motel room. He is tired, but restless. He decides to shower.

7:30. p.m.

Mulder reclines on the bed in pajama bottoms with the television remote in hand in yet another motel room without on demand pornography. He should really tell Scully, when selecting motel rooms, to ask about that amenity. He imagines now that conversation with Scully and how she would first raise her eyebrows, then put her head in her hand. Best just to suffer without then have that conversation, he decides. Imagining Scully improves his mood, though. Oh, this has to stop, he thinks as he turns off the t.v. and tosses the remote away in frustration. By “this” he means thinking of Scully. It is getting ridiculous. He was with her all day. They’ve been parted an hour. How can he miss her?

Mulder puts his hand down his pajama pants, pulls it out, put it back and pulls it out. He sighs. About three years ago he stopped dating. It wasn’t a conscious decision. He just stopped. . He has never been celibate as long in his fucking life. Yet, the thought of dating somehow is discouraging. First date small talk! Fuck that shit. Now, if he could date someone who could give conversation as good as Scully! Conversations with Scully are almost as good as sex. He smiles again and thinks of the conversation they had yesterday in the car driving from Seattle to this town.

******

“Mulder, look.” Scully points to a billboard of Doctor Frasier Crane, a radio personality psychologist. “I’ve heard agents say whenever they are here they always listen to him.” She tunes the radio to 780 a.m.

“Scully, no.” Mulder shakes his head.

“Well, he’s legit. He’s licensed. And he’s apparently quite the charismatic personality.”

“The increasing trend towards talk show psychiatry is dangerous. It lulls people into thinking they are getting real help when no ethical professional would diagnose any patient over the phone. It is voyeurism for those who are listening to get pleasure from people ‘s real health issues and it delegitimizes the field of psychology by creating a bunch of would be armchair paraprofessionals who have been trained in two hour segments of radio broadcasting.”

“I disagree, Mulder. Many mental health advocates express that these program destigmatizes mental health therapy and makes it acceptable to talk about mental health needs. In fact person who might never have sought treatment sometimes do after calling into programs. Here in Seattle substance abuse programs and programs to end domestic violence have noticed an increase in people seeking assistance after a caller has called about those issues. “

They rode in silence listening to the program about thirty minutes.

“ I don’t know Scully. This guy is even more bombastic and pompous than others I’ve heard. I think psychiatrists on these programs are the worst kind of narcisstic, self indulgent personalities.”

“Ouch.” He says laughing

“ I think you should be on the radio, Mulder.”

“No, not because of that. You are Oxford trained, intuitive. I think the profiling experience would bring an interesting aspect to the show. Also you have a perfect voice for radio. Your voice would soothe and entertain people.”

Mulder glances sideways at her. “You just want to say you know a celebrity.”

“Seriously, Mulder, you never thought of being on one of these shows?”

Mulder gets an embarrassed look on his face. “ Well, not as a host,”

Scully looks in Mulder in surprise. They drive on with Frasier Crane speaking in the background. The next time he said “I’m listening.” Scully bursts out. “Well you have to tell me. Did you call in about alien abductions?”

“Sometimes I did. Sometimes I called pretending to be other people. I was a mafia hit man once feeling remorse. Another time I worked at the FBI but was a drag queen at night and was afraid someone would find out. You know, I could be really persuasive and then see how they they handle the situation. ‘

“How often did you do this?”

Mulder smiled sheepishly “When I was new with the FBI whenever I traveled to a new city. It was something I did. I found it entertaining.”

The voice of Frasier Crane. “ Just a reminder that tomorrow I will be on at a special time. 8 p.m. that’s right. Frasier Crane going prime time.”

****

8 pm.

Mulder turns on the radio by the bed to 780 am. He listens and writes down the number. He wonders if Scully is listening while she does the autopsy. It made him shy to be too far outlandish. Well, he could simply describe a problem as opposite as possible from his real life.

“ Hi, I’m Tom. I’m wondering if the reason I love my girlfriend is just because things are so great with us physically”.

Frasier asks: how often do you have sex?

“Oh, three times a day..morning, noon, and night.”

Frasier recommends looking into community college continuing ed classes and seeing if him and girlfriend could find a class they are both interested in taking.

Mulder hangs up. He wonders if Scully was listening.

9 p.m.

Mulder hears a knock on his door. He opens it to find Scully. She looks fatigued, but beautiful. She hands him a community college continuing Ed catalog. “I heard you needed this.” He takes it from her wordlessly.

[inyoursheets]

Alright so I always view those things from a nervous system perspective and if we want to be in control of our reactions and not of our reactions controlling us we have to look at it from an organic and emotional viewpoint. For the emotional viewpoint it is important to heal development trauma (was something I thought about when you reblogged this growing up w a narcisstic mother post) - It is extremly important to do this w a theraphy that works on a nervous system level bc most of that trauma happend in early childhood/childhood so nothing we can think away w our adult brain. Somatic experiencing has an extra modality to do this (I think it is called NARS) or also thinks like the conprehensive resource model, emdrr and so on. From an organic standpoint we have to see if our nervous system is even able to act in a controlled way bc it can not function properly (not only emotional trauma but like accidents, falling from the tree house as a child can potentially traumatise our nervous system and put it in this fight or flight response) step one would be to see if there are any child reflexes left (with the inpp method for example) bc we can not act as kind, compassionate and controlled adults when our nervous system thinks we are 0-2 years old. And then you gotta check on your nervous system w things like z-health to make sure it can function properly. Sorry if this all sounds a lot but I just felt like my fingers burning when you asked that question and I was like - I know what to do lol

thank you for sharing your advice!

idk which exact growing up w a narcissistic mother post you mean (wait -- is that what brene is talking about? i dont know the context of the quote oops) but if i understand you correctly, the to do list includes a nervous system perspective on development trauma? idk if i can just, access all that tho. i mean i did start therapy this month but i dont even know if my therapist works w nervous system stuff? but i’ll ask her probably/i’ll find out

hmmm about the figuring out the child reflexes thing -- how should i envision that? what kinds of reflexes can be left?

it does sound like a lot but when has unpacking your childhood and working on yourself ever not been a lot? thank you for sharing

[chebleedsink]

More Than Needing Prayers

I have a little problem with people saying “Pray for…” Honestly, it’s bullshit. Prayer is most often used to ask a higher power to help, to intervene in a situation, or for a favor of some kind. First off, it is egotistical and narcisstic to believe that any one individual is more able to ask for help from their deity of choice than anyone else, or for that matter that their deity of choice is more able to grant the request than another deity would be. Secondly, it is dangerous and delusional to believe that simply asking for this divine help on behalf of someone else is making an actual difference. It feeds into complacency. I asked for help on someone else’s behalf, so I’ve done my part, right? In essence, all you’ve really done is delegate the task. This type of thinking is a huge part of what is wrong with society. We hate getting our hands dirty. 

I’m going to use the generic term, God, as an example. Let’s pray for (insert tragedy of the day here). “Dear God, please help these victims and their families find peace after this tragedy. I pray for our country to heal. In your name I pray, Amen.” Great. Now that we’ve prayed, let’s just sit back and wait for God to answer our prayers. Clearly, our heartfelt request will matter, because we really, really, really mean it, and right now as we speak, God is busy comforting, protecting, healing, and taking into his arms all of those whom we’ve prayed for. Our job here is done, and all we had to do was ask someone else, some other thing outside of ourselves, to help.

I’m calling bullshit.

Intention is close to being everything, however, it is not everything. Without some kind of action behind the intention, it doesn’t really accomplish much. It doesn’t change things. Thoughts have power, and collective thoughts have collective power, which can be a great platform as a well as a great catalyst for change and healing. It’s true, without this kind of collective thinking, nothing would ever get accomplished in the first place. These group thoughts can provide comfort as well as a feeling of connection and safety in times of disaster or tragedy. Feeling unified, supported, collectively loved and thought of is no small thing. In fact, it’s immense and incredibly necessary if survivors, families, and communities are going to pull through whatever trauma they’ve experienced.

But…to think that you have to ask a force outside of yourself to intervene on your or anyone else’s behalf is the perfect way to shift the responsibility of doing it yourself. It’s lazy, self-defeating, and it feeds into the mindset that you as an individual, are ultimately powerless to create change or to do something helpful by yourself. It saves you from being a participant, and it allows you to safely be part of the audience instead.  

When catastrophes strike, or even when a friend is just having a rough day, I often respond with “I’m ….(enter here something I’m taking the time and consciously doing)”. I usually fill in the blank with something like “I’m sending love and light your way, I’m thinking of you”, or “I’m sending intentions for a speedy recovery”, and whatever I say is exactly what I’m consciously doing at that moment.  I am not asking someone or something else to do these things, I am actively doing them myself.

I am intentionally participating in whatever event is going on at that moment, and I am letting them know that I am holding space for that person, I’m using the power of my intentions, thoughts, and love to let that person know that I am supporting them with whatever bit of energy and attention I have to give them at that moment, and for as many moments after as I can. These are the same people that I have repeatedly done my best to let know time and time again, that if I can ever help in anyway, I am happy and willing to help. Even if all I have to give is a shoulder to cry on, or an ear to listen, or a word of encouragement when they need one, they know that I have a handful of actions behind every intention that are possible resources for them. If the person doesn’t already know that whatever help I can offer is available to them, then I let them know. Often times, I act before they even ask.

Sometimes these actions are as simple as sharing a post, sometimes I donate to a fund, sometimes I pass along relevant information or resources they might need, sometimes I sign a petition or contact my representatives, sometimes I just send them a message that asks them if they need to talk and how can I help. Many times on social media, when words don’t seem to do justice and perhaps no real tangible help is being asked for, I post a simple heart. I do this to acknowledge that I hear them, I see them, they matter and their concerns are relevant, and that my heart feels deeply for what is going on. Then, I follow through with doing something positive for the world, however small of an act it may be.

So, how is any of that different than “I’ll pray for you”? I don’t believe that people who say I’ll pray for you are any less sincere, or that they want to help any less than anyone else. I actually think that most of the time, the use of this phrase is a symptom of feeling incredibly overwhelmed and powerless in these chaotic situations. Sure, I imagine that some people throw it around just the same as if they were throwing pennies into a donation plate, but most often I know there’s more there. I can feel the positive energy and the intention rising up behind these words, I can feel the incredibly intense emotions powering them, but then, when all is said and done, it fizzles and dissipates into the ether. We’ve sent off the request, now back to our regularly scheduled programming. It kills me that what we’re fueling is the belief that we don’t have the power to take matters into our own hands and deal with this ourselves.

“You’re in my thoughts, I’m here for you”, is so much more empowering than “I’ll pray for you”. I’ll pray for you, it’s out of my hands now. I’ll pray for you, it's all I can do in light of such a horrendous event. I’ll pray for you, may God fix this mess, because I’m powerless to do anything else. Bullshit. Stop praying so much, and start doing. If the God you’re praying to was going to comfort those people, wouldn’t they have done it without you asking? If they were going to heal, protect, or save any of those people, wouldn’t they do it regardless of you making the request? If not, then either humans are really much more powerful that we pretend to be, or it sounds like this God you’re praying to is so arrogant that it only intervenes when they receive enough attention. Do prayer requests really work through a system of supply and demand?

To that starving homeless guy on the corner, or the gunshot victim, wouldn’t they prefer you took the initiative to feed them or help stop the bleeding, over praying for them? By all means, do both if you must. After all, prayer can passively unite those positive intentions when used properly, it can raise awareness, it can calm and soothe those in need, but without taking responsibility for what you can actively do to help, it’s really just being used an excuse to not act.

For those who pray for themselves to find insight, strength, and resources to help, for those who pray and then go out and actively participate in efforts to help, for those who use prayer as the diving board before they jump in the pool, that is the kind of call for prayer I can support. Unfortunately, you are the minority. I wish we could stick with “let’s have a moment of silence for..”, or “our thoughts are with…” followed by something a little more involved. Let’s replace the word “pray” with words like “act”, “rise up”, “unite”, “advocate”, “do my part”, “get involved”, “be a better person”, “make a difference”, “create change”.

I personally, won’t buy into the “pray for” trick. I won’t buy into giving my power away. I will hold space in my heart, my thoughts will be with whatever they need to be with, and I will be an active participant. I will continue setting intentions, making them known, and I will continue acting on them, however I can. This is the only real way to change things.    

[deythbanger]

Comedy: Judge Me

By DeYtH Banger Okay… okay… judge me… judge me… I don't have connections… I don't know… Donald Trump or Hillary or Bill Clinton or Billy Connolly or Robin Williams or Jason Capital… I am not near famous to know them or to have the resources to do something with them… AND IF I EVEN KNOW THEM OR I HAVE THEM IN FRIENDS GROUP OR RELATIVES WHAT SHOULD I DO? WHAT I DO WITH THEM? SHIT PISS EAT PLAY RIDE AND WE GOT THE MOST DAILY ACTION BUT WE MISS DRIVE SIT RUN BRUSH Still the main idea goes as far as Chase Amante go and eat my semen… it's has pleny of resources… I am virgin… my father had a dildo in his ass and I haven't masturbated for a very long time… SO IN OTHER WORDS YOU GOT A CLEAN GUN CLEAN PEACOCK COCK CLEAN MEAT BONE AS KEZIA POINTS IT OUT IN HER PODCAST YOUNG DICKS DO FEW ROUNDS So 4 rounds sucking my dick is fucking privilliged… because I am going to make sure to make you eat your own organs and penis… I am going to create self-narcisstic… self-digestic system. Patrick James deserves to get raped … Get Great Rape Grapes Read Clear Clean FUCK YOU For perfect wipe out of genes start masturbating in the toilet… when it gets there, flush the cum… the sperm…  fucking flush it. When you have sex think about the African kids how they are starving… eating soil… hungry… dieing… without pleny of privilliges… SO YEAH TURN OFF THE LIGHTS .. MAKE THE ROOM DARK My father is a faggot… he got a dildo in his ass as so far his next mile stone is going under the soil.. It's sucessful spot… Thank about Santa… red costume… fat with beard with had with sleigh and flying deers. 1) The first question is on what type of drugs are you? "Law Of Attraction", "Jesus Reincarnetes".. "Jesus Reborn"…, "Miracles"… - Weak mind and crazy shitty lunatics. 2) With each day you get crazy and crazy "New Year Holiday"… - Nothing really new… it's another 365 days.. which going to get wasted "Easter" - In Bulgaria people call it "The Great Day"… oh jusus… nothing really great and definetly If I am religious… One sin added up to the equation. 3) Red costume.. fat - Obesity... cringy… creepy guy NOTHING LESS NOTHING MORE I HAVE SEEN IT ALL 4) Flying Deers - OH GOD STOP THE NUMBERS … STOP THE FUCKING NUMBERS 5) Going in houses and giving and eating - We got a word about it… oh wrong.. not word.. but words Robin Hood gets to pooor and stills from rich… this guys gives like a charity to poor and rich kids presents… OH MAN FROM WHERE SO MUCH MONEY YO GOT YO NIGGA YO WHITE FUCK Eating and going in to houses - The word is burglar.. STILL SHITTY FAT FUCKS DON'T GET ANY FAR HEARTH ATTACKS ARE THE DAILY ATTRACTIO IF YOU ASK ME IT'S THE OSHO OF BOB PROCTOR "THE SECRET" AND "LAW OF ATTRACTION" … OH GOD STOP EATING AND STOP THE MACHO BULLSHIT Oh great… thanks for ruining my only way of least percentage going as a "foe"… now no fucking… blowjob..  sex… I even don't hVe anybody around me and If I have… I fucking don't know what to do… you were giving money… you were spendong as for me I was playing alpha male game… I call thus game alpha jackass. This fucking faggot is saying don't go with whores and prostitutes they are going to sell your organs on the red market or was it the black market?… The last part is fucking confusing .. but let's don't skip the story so far No human around me and yeah the only dices I got…I shouldn't use! … "Oh I am okay" "Oh… I got few chicks…" "Yes… yeah… life us great everyday fucking" "Every morning… week… I am fucking…." "I got few bitches" I hate all this fucks … lets review the shit… they don't watch porn.. Got great life Got somebody to fuck … And the morning guy… go die fuck.… you gonna get fucked up as slime on wheelchair. Still LET'S LOOK MY LIFE FUCKING FUCKING MY LIFE

[diamondpower1]

Remember this: “A PERSON WHO VALUES YOU, WOULDN’T EVER PUT THEMSELVES IN A POSITION TO LOSE YOU. A PERSON WHO DOESN’T VALUE YOU IS A PERSON WHO DOESN’T VALUE HIMSELF.” Take a deep breath and let that sink in. Forget the crap that you attract what you have inside of you. It’s bullsh*t because you won’t always attract people who have the same characteristics & values like you. Unfortunately. This is for all my empaths, people who struggle day by day & the ones who can endure hardships like a BOSS! You can’t create your energy nor you can change it. That’s something you are born with. You can only clear it up, protect it & change your directions. As an empath I know exactly what it means when you are around negativity & negative people and how it affects my health & overall well-being afterwards. Energy vampires can be literally everywhere and I’m not joking when I say it’s damn hard to protect yourself especially after you experience the huge effect it can have on you. Emotional vampire is a colloquial term for toxic people who drain us of our energy and leave us feeling emotionally exhausted. They have a parasitic quality in that they provoke emotional reactions in others and “feed off” their emotions as well as resources. Empaths are like a magnet for emotional vampires due to the strength of their emotions.They are drawn to our warmth, our compassion & intense energy. Like I said: you won’t always attract people like you or the ones you share something similar. Energy vampires are very attracted to healing, positive energy. It makes them feel better about themselves. It gives them power to move on and do everything they wanna do. They don’t have that power inside of them because of lack of empathy, self-love + no self-worth. Other ppl’s love & emotions are their only definition. And once they feel bored or there’s nothing they could take advantage of, that’s when you’ll face their manipulative, destructive nature. If they can’t control you (because they are scared of someone’s revenge + hurtful words that can stay stuck in their minds), they will manipulate & control other people into thinking how bad you are. Being around toxic people is like being wished down by heavy black tar. They drain your energy and their goal is to distract you with their manipulative tactics so that you’re no longer serving your highest good - instead, you’re catering to their ego, serving them and their needs. Psychologically you feel a diminished sense of agency and an increased sense of hopelessness. You feel tired, emotionally exhausted, paralized, immobilized like never before. Your whole body can react too. You might experience pain or physical ailments that come out of nowhere. Watch out for their flagrant disrespect of your basic needs & rights!! This is a huge clue. Emotional vampires don’t want us to enjoy life and do what we love to do. They don’t respect our time, our job, our wishes - NOTHING. Because in their own little world it’s all about them. You suddenly find yourself explaining basic human deceny, fairness and integrity to them over and over. They refuse to give you straight answers and they refuse to honor you as a person who deserves consideration and respect.They project their toxic traits onto you, they become overly defensive about their uncalled for behavior and they are indifferent to the pain you may be experiencing due to their abuse. When you’re feeling joyful, self-assured and confident, they try to come around to deflate you with put-downs, criticism or an underhanded tactic to sabotage or undermine you. Emotional vampires on the higher end of the narcisstic spectrum tend to be pathologically envious of their victims. When they see that you’re thriving & successfull, it sparks jealousy in them. They want your resources for themselves ONLY. The only way to end this type of parasitic connection is by going NO CONTACT. Cutting the cord is at times essential to paving the path back to emotional freedom. And trust me: the way back to emotional freedom is freaking LONG! What they can take away from you is very hard to regain.

[protego-et-servio]

Hi! I used to be a follower and I like a lot of your content, so I'm thinking of following again. Before I do, I have to ask: do you still stand by the use of the term "narcisstic abuse" and your former statements on people with NPD?

I'm more cognizant to utilize terms like "emotional abuse" or "emotional manipulation," than "narcissistic abuse" in my posts or on-blog. They're more general terms and tend to work better.However, I'm a survivor of abuse and my resources/support structures do use the term "narcissistic abuse" in my off-blog life. So, it's your call? Do what you need to do to be safe.