#nathan young x original character

[bisexualnathanyoung]

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Fandom: Misfits, Nathan Young x Original Character

Summary: When Mel Albright, a low-life stoner with a heart of gold, ends up on community service, she assumes it’s just another thing in a line of mishaps that is her life. Will the aftermath of a freak storm and the help of a green eyed idiot show her that maybe things being fucked up aren’t always that bad after all?

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Chapter Ten: Mental 

A/N: Crying and screaming and throwing up, it’s been well over a year since I’ve updated, and here it is. I didn’t know if I was ever going to finish this chapter, and I do have plans to continue into the next episode for chapter eleven. 

Word Count: 12k 

Warnings: smut (unprotected sex, fingering, public sex, spanking, rough sex (sorta)), mental illness stigma & bullying, mental health treatment mentions, gaslighting (maybe), suicide attempt/self harm mention, death, lots of description of blood, panic attack, brief flashbacks, pet death mention

"Oh," Nathan said as he woke up, still in my arms. He grabbed my hand and kissed the back of it. 

"Morning," I said and kissed his shoulder. 

He rolled over to face me, "I didn't mean to fall asleep… I wanted to go a few more rounds." 

I kissed him, "good thing I woke up horny." 

"You always wake up horny," he said and kissed me, "or grouchy. Or anxious. Regardless, I get to fuck you into a good mood." He pulled me into a deep kiss and slid his hand in between my legs to feel me before slipping two fingers in. He kissed down my neck and into my breasts as he pleasured me.

"Fuck me," I moaned. 

"Glady," he said and brought his fingers out of me and stroked himself before pushing his cock into me. I grasped at his hair as we kissed. 

"I love fucking you raw," he said in my ear before going to kiss my neck. 

"Oh, I love it too. I love you, Nathan," I said. 

"I love you too. So fucking much," he said breathily as he thrusted into me and brought his mouth back on mine. I matched his energy as our tongues met. I wrapped my legs around him as he sped up, and his cock hit against my g spot over and over. 

I pulled away from our kiss to take a breath, “fuck, baby, right fucking there.” 

“Is that good?” He asked between heavy breaths, “Am I fucking you good?” 

“So good, love,” I responded.

I let my legs fall back down and grabbed at his arse. He let out a low moan. 

“You like that?” I smirked. He responded by pushing his tongue back into my mouth. I met his thrusts with my own as I felt closer and closer to my release. I had a firm grasp on his arse as I came. The unpredictability of my powers were forgotten in the moment. Nathan jumped, and it startled me back into clear thought. 

“Shit,” I said, “did I hurt you?” I didn’t know what my powers were capable of, but I did know they were capable of hurting someone. 

“No,” he said and then moaned. His face was scrunching up, and his eyes were closed. I could tell he was close. 

“Can I cum on your tits?” He asked breathily. 

“Yes,” I responded, “anything you want.” 

He stopped fucking me and opened his eyes, “anything?” 

I smiled, “within reason.” 

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he pulled out and sat up next to me so he could wank over my tits. 

I knew it would probably last all of five seconds before he came, but I couldn’t stop myself from rubbing my clit at the sight of those lovely, long fingers tugging on that beautiful cock. I closed my eyes just in case and continued to touch myself as I heard his moans and felt him cum on me.  

“Fuck,” Nathan said, “You’re so… fuck.” I kept my eyes closed as I pleasured myself and soon felt his hands on my thighs and his tongue penetrating me. 

I moaned, “you don’t have to.” The comment just seemed to make him go faster. His tongue and my hand pushed me through to my second orgasm of the morning. He kissed my inner thigh and smiled up at me, “I guess we should get you cleaned off.” He grabbed some tissue and wiped off my breasts. He threw the tissues away then crawled back into bed to pull me into his arms. 

“Have I ever told you how perfect y’are?” He said as he held me. 

“Shut up,” I mumbled back. 

“You know very well that that’s impossible for me,” he responded. 

My alarm started going off. 

“Ugh, community service,” I said and turned the alarm off. 

He kissed me on the cheek, “without it, we never would’ve met.” 

“Doubtful. I would’ve bumped into you eventually,” I responded. 

“Yeah, but, you wouldn’t have had to put in the mandatory hours that made you fall in love with me,” he smiled. 

 I squeezed his hand and kissed it, “too bad we never met on the club scene. Wonder what you would’ve done to convince me you weren’t like the other boys.” 

“Oh, that’s easy,” he said, “get down on my knees. And not to beg.” 

“Cheeky git,” I responded and turned to face him and tousle his hair. 

I rolled out of bed and yawned, “I gotta take a shower.” 

“You took a shower yesterday,” he said. 

“Then you got cum all over me,” I responded, “I’m taking a shower.” 

He jumped up next to me, “I’ll join you!” 

I smiled at him, “we don’t have time.” I kissed him on the cheek. 

He pouted at me, “sure we do!” 

“No. We don’t. You’re gonna get me all riled up, and then something’s gonna happen, and we’ll end up falling asleep and missing community service, and I don’t want to have my sentence extended.” 

He pulled a disappointed look and added a groan. 

I walked towards the door, “now be a good house husband and make me breakfast or something.” 

His jaw dropped in offense, and I walked out the door with a cheeky grin. 

“I die for you, and this is the thanks I get?!” He yelled behind me. 

“I’ll suck your dick later!” I yelled back. I didn’t hear anything out of him after that. 

____

He’d heated up the food he picked up for me the night before and set it on the counter. Half of it was gone. I found him lying across the sofa, smoking. 

“You think we got time for that blow job?” He asked as I quickly ate some rice for breakfast. “With as fast as you cum? Yeah, probably,” I replied with a snicker. “Hey!” he responded, “if I can make you cum in less than five minutes, I should be able to cum whenever I want!” 

“Alright, alright, lover boy,” I said as I threw my fork in the sink, “don’t make us late.” 

____

We were late by only three minutes, and the new probation worker was late by about thirty five. 

After we’d gotten changed and Nathan embarrassed himself for the umpteenth time via meeting the probation worker, we resumed our duties with which we were responsible on behalf of the council. 

I half-assedly tried to put down the tarp to start painting the wall we started on yesterday. I’ll be honest, I was still out of it. Everything was overwhelming. I’d spent two or three days on a depressive bender just to be rushed into the high of my boyfriend telling me he loves me while still feeling the effects of my body trying to kill me. Or me trying to kill my body. One of the two. Either way, I was not paying attention to what anyone was saying. I glanced over and noticed Simon talking to one of the girls from the art therapy class. 

“Do you know her or somethin’?” Kelly asked him. 

“No,” Simon responded. 

“Are you tryna shag her?” Alisha practically interrupted. I gave a silent, unnoticed eye roll. 

“She’s not that mentally ill,” Nathan said with a snort, “or maybe she is…” 

“Nathan…” I said weakly, too tired to tell him off. 

“What?” he responded, “it’s just a joke.” 

I glanced around and briefly made eye contact with the girl Simon was talking to from earlier. I looked away and tried to focus on what I was doing. 

“Hey, no offence,” Nathan said in that direction, “some people say I’m mentally ill, but obviously I’m not because I’m over here, and you’re over there with the other crazies.” He added a bit of a snicker. What the fuck? What the fuck? I should’ve expected this bullshit from him. He does shit like this all of the fucking time. I shouldn’t have let it hurt my feelings, but I did. He wasn’t talking to me, why should I care? But I did. 

I shoved the tarp and sent a couple paint brushes flying. 

I jumped up and smacked him in the back of the head, “What?! You think you’re better than us because your parents never gave enough of a fuck to get you help, and you haven’t got the balls to do it for yourself?!” 

I could see his face fall for a moment followed by a look of confusion and finally a smirk like nothing had happened, “yeah, but you thought it was funny, though,” he said. 

“No, I fucking didn’t. Sometimes you go a bit too far with the being an absolute arsehole thing,” I said and stormed off with tears threatening to fall from my eyes. 

“Did she say ‘us’?,” I heard Alisha ask from behind me while Kelly called Nathan a wanker. 

I sat outside the main lobby for a moment to gain composure before turning around to stand back up. 

“I know you.” I jumped as I noticed the girl from earlier in front of me. 

“Your name…” she said, almost ominously, “… it starts with an M… Melanie?” I hadn’t recognized her before, but right in front of me, I did. I’d done outpatient group therapy twice a week after I’d nearly OD’d and got caught with shit on me. They reviewed my files and decided I didn’t need inpatient again, and I guess I didn’t need any super big consequences either. Either way, that was four years ago. So somehow between then and now she’d ended up inpatient, and I’d ended up on community service… small world. I couldn’t remember her name. 

“Yeah,” I confirmed. 

I quickly tried to change the subject. Not allowing her to tell me if she’d remembered the connection that I did, “Listen. I’m sorry about him, yeah? He’s… stupid. And he doesn’t fuckin’ realize it until it’s 4am, and I’m practically dead asleep, and for some reason he’s beggin’ me not to leave him when I’m just tryna fuckin’ go to bed, but anyways… sorry.” 

“He’s your… boyfriend?” She questioned. 

I got up, “yeah, like I said, he really doesn’t mean it. I’m sorry he hurt your feelings, but I’ve got, y’know, shit to do, so I gotta go.” 

She grabbed my arm, and I stopped. 

“Does he talk to you like that?” She asked. Inquisitive. Not hostile. 

“Sometimes,” I responded, “but I know how to hurt his feelings back, and I really don’t take shit personal, so it’s fine.” I tried to push past her. 

“Does he know you’re mentally ill?” She asked, and it made me stop for some reason. 

I took a breath, “yes,” I said and kept walking in the opposite direction. Half-truths are better than whole lies, I guess. 

I went to my locker and pulled out a bottle of water and tried to get some breaths before pulling out a pack of cigarettes and began to smoke. I heard someone walk in and turned around, expecting to see Kelly honestly. 

But it was Nathan. I never knew if he was going to apologize or act like a dramatic little bitch about things or just brush it off like nothing happened. He usually apologized because he knew his sex life depended on it. I couldn’t read his face, and that scared me. I could usually tell what he was about to do based on his face. Nobody could ever predict what would come out of his mouth, but I’d usually be able to tell how he wanted things to go just by how he looked at me. I expected kicked puppy, but what I got was coldness. 

He didn’t necessarily look angry. He looked smug, but not a Nathan smug. Nathan smug was all smirks and raised eyebrows. This was different. Was he really mad at me? He’d never been mad at me before… not in a way that I thought was my fault. 

“Did you really think I wouldn’t find out?” He said finally. I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. Because he seemed sure of himself yet not completely confident. It was the smugness without the cocky. Without the cheeky. Without that edge of playful that made him tolerable or dare I say it, lovable. 

It wasn’t like we’d never had a disagreement or an argument. I didn’t know why this one was different. Maybe because it was so personal to me. But that’s usually when we’d had problems before. He’d take something too far; I’d get upset; he’d apologize. Or he’d act dramatic for a couple of minutes and then apologize or kiss me or somehow make it better in a way that didn’t make me want to cry or kill him. But this didn’t feel like a joke or an apology. 

“What?” I managed to say. 

“It was almost obvious,” he said. It felt emotionless. Nathan didn’t do “emotionless.” Even when all of the emotions he was trying to convey jumped all over his real ones, he wasn’t emotionless. 

“The fuck are you talking about?” My heart was speeding up. I realized how much taller he was than me. I’d always liked it, but it felt like he was towering over me. 

“Poor, little, mental Mel. Your head’s being oh so loud, isn’t it? It’s really funny how scared you look. I don’t know how I didn’t see it before,” even the way he was being condescending didn’t feel like Nathan condescending. Then it hit me. He was being serious. I’d never seen him serious before. Not like this. Not mad at me. Serious. That’s why I was so fucking scared. 

I quickly tried to wipe my eye. 

“All you know how to do is fucking cry, is it? Not so big and bad now, are we? You failed to kill yourself just to submit to these men who only want you for one thing. Good news is… I don’t want you anymore,” He was still… emotionless. 

“The fuck you mean you don’t want me anymore?! I don’t know what Kelly told you-,” I was shouting and crying and who knows whatever else, but he cut me off. 

“She told me enough,” he said and started to walk away. 

“THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T WANT ME ANYMORE?! YOU FUCKING LIVE WITH ME!” I shouted back at him. 

“I’ll get my things later,” he said nonchalantly. 

“The hell are you gonna live?!” I shouted again. He ignored me. 

“Nathan! Nathan! FUCK YOU!” I slid down the lockers and just sobbed. I wasn’t going to chase after him. He didn’t deserve it. Fucking bastard. Arsehole. Wanker. Cunt. 

I put out the cigarette I forgot I was holding then lit another one. I really believed him. I really believed that he loved me. After everything we’d been through. After everything I’d told him and he’d told me. At least it wasn’t a shag for a bet. At least we’d had some good times.

 I couldn’t believe Kelly told him. I couldn’t believe he’d reacted that way. I knew I shouldn’t have gotten attached. I knew I shouldn’t have trusted him. Everything about him was a red flag. I knew better, but I didn’t do better. It was my own fucking fault. Of course he didn’t want me. Why should he? I’m nothing. I’d shown him sympathy, and he’d taken advantage of me. That’s all that it was. I’d been so stupid. 

I heard someone else walk in. I got off the floor. If anyone else tried to talk to me I wasn’t going to be kind. I planned to grab my lunch and go outside to sit by myself silently. 

It was Simon. 

“Are you okay?” he asked. 

“Fine,” I deadpanned and threw the cigarette butt on the ground. 

“Nathan was looking for you,” he said. 

I groaned, “well, he can fuck off and die again for all I care.” 

Simon looked concerned, “are you really that upset about what he said?” 

“Do you really give a shit?!” I practically shouted in his face. 

He took a step back, “Sorry… forget I said anything.” 

“That’s what I thought,” I said. I crossed my arms and stomped out of the locker room. 

And fucking finally. I could just sit outside and eat my lunch. Listen to music. Cry into my turkey sandwich. He said he loved me. Then he broke up with me. How could she tell him? It wasn’t Kelly’s fault. She was probably just trying to help. To get him to stop acting like a dick… if he didn’t want me the way I am, the history I have… well, that was his problem. 

I wiped my tears on the palms of my hands and was glad I hadn’t tried to wear makeup that morning. I kept an earbud in as I passed Alisha and Simon having some kind of… conversation? I’d barely passed them when Alisha called my name. 

I turned around and added an over dramatic sigh as I hit pause and the music turned into silence. 

“Do you think Simon’s been wanking over me?” Alisha said next with a small giggle. 

I gave her a scowl, “Y’know Alisha some of us have bigger problems than every lad on the fucking estate wanting to fuck us.” 

I turned my music back on before I’d had a chance to catch either of their reactions. I simply sat on the ground and ate my sandwich while watching the ducks on the lake. 

After a while, I was probably supposed to get back to my community service, but I didn’t want to. I got up anyway and started to slowly make my way back to the inside of the community center. I returned to my locker and threw my sandwich container back into my bag when something else inside caught my eye. 

I grabbed the small tin and shoved it into the pocket of my jumpsuit. 

Wow, Mel, keep drugs on your person during your court mandated community service, that’s intelligent, was my first thought, but then, with the attitude of the new probation worker, I really didn’t think he’d try to frisk me. Not for drugs, at least.

I hid in a toilet cubicle while I tried to relax; not because I thought I’d get caught, but because I didn’t want anyone to bother me. I put my earbuds back in and tried to relax. Clear my mind. Not fucking deal with this bullshit. 

When I finally finished the spliff, I thought about rolling another one. I decided not to. I flushed the end of it down the toilet and hit my head up against the door of the cubicle for good measure.

 I went to wash my hands and stared in the mirror. I looked like complete shit. My face was red; my hair was a mess, and I’m sure my eyes were bloodshot from crying long before I’d even gotten out the weed. I washed my hands and still didn’t want to leave the toilets. I stared at the door for a minute and eventually it opened. And in walked Nathan. I felt myself begin to get upset again, just at the sight of his face. 

  “There you are!” He said as he practically bumped into me. 

“What do you want?” I snapped. He looked different than before. Not as intense. Maybe angry in a different way. I still wanted to burst into tears. I didn’t even want to look at him. 

“I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but I know how to fuck,” he responded. Oh. So his sex life does depend on it. I should’ve told him to fuck off. I should’ve walked away. But I wanted him in any way I could get him. Maybe he didn’t love me. Maybe I am mental. If this is what he wants, then that’s what he wants. 

“Is that what you want?” I responded, trying not to sound upset, “you want to fuck?” 

“Oh I see what’s going on here,” he replied. Well good for you because I don’t. 

He got closer to my face. I didn’t feel as… threatened? As before. Did he smell different before? Now that sounds mental. 

He kissed me with the same hunger as last night. Of pure want. He put his hand against my back and began to kiss down my neck. He started pulling down the zipper of my jumpsuit. 

“So you want me?” I managed to say as my entire body began to feel warmer and warmer by the second. 

“Of course I do,” he said between kisses, “I always do. Do you want me?” 

The way those sweet green eyes looked at me was definitely different than before. I tried to let the mixed signals melt away. The fact of the matter was I wanted him; I had him, and I’d keep him any way I could. 

“Absolutely,” I said, pulling him by the chin back down to my face, “now fuck me like you mean it.” 

His mouth crashed onto mine as I wrapped my arms around him, close enough to him to feel his growing erection up against me. He pulled away just for a moment to unzip my jumpsuit all the way down before attacking my mouth once again and grabbing at my breasts. I pulled my arms out of my jumpsuit and let it fall to the ground and stepped out of it, kicking it out of the way. He unhooked my bra, and I let that fall to the ground too. 

He was still fully clothed, and I was stood there in nothing but a pair of knickers that barely covered my arse. 

Before I could reach to unzip his jumpsuit, he pushed me up against the sink. He gave me a simple kiss on the lips before smirking and kissing my neck, sucking to give love bites, and giving a couple of soft, actual bites before softly kissing my shoulder and trailing down my body to my breast. He gave each breasts a slow kiss before continuing to kiss down my body until he was on his knees. He pulled my knickers down around my ankles. 

“What are you doing?” I asked, almost breathlessly. 

“What do you think?” He said with a smirk before grabbing my right leg and throwing it over his shoulder. My knickers laid in a sad pile around my left ankle. I grabbed the sink behind so I didn’t fall over and get concussed. Logistically speaking, this was super fucking dangerous and not really the ideal way of doing things. 

His mouth was on my cunt in an instant. 

“Fuck!” I practically shouted. After several long licks, his tongue entered me. I grasped onto the sink. Part of me was scared it could break, the rest of me didn’t give a fuck in the slightest. I couldn’t stop from moaning out. There was no way we weren’t going to get caught. There was no lock on the door. We weren’t even in the toilet cubicle. But I didn’t care. If this was how it was going to be, this was how it was going to be. And I wanted him so bad. 

His tongue left my body and returned to my clit as he shoved two fingers inside of me. He fingered me faster than he usually did, and, fucking hell, I liked it. 

“Oh! Oh! Oh!,” I moaned out, almost whining, “baby! Shit! Fuck! Nathan! Oh my god!” My body didn’t know what to do while standing up and being so overwhelmed in a way I hadn’t before. I stood on my tiptoes and kept holding onto the sink behind me and came all over this face. He pulled away and grinned up at me, and I let my leg leave his shoulder. Both of my legs shook. I took a step or two to get into a more comfortable way to hold onto the sink to hold my balance in any way I could. 

“Y’know,” he said as he unzipped his jumpsuit and let it fall on the ground, “people that think girls squirtin’ and pissin’ is the same are fucking wrong because that sure didn’t taste the same.” I gave a bit of an eyebrow raise before shaking my head and just letting it go. 

I turned around and leaned over the sink. I caught his gaze in the mirror. 

“So you gonna fuck me or is that all you got?” I asked breathily. 

He leaned over me and kissed my neck again before barely pulling his underwear down and leaving his shirt on. I felt him slide his cock between my thighs and enter me. 

I let out a moan as we made eye contact through the mirror. 

“That good?” he whispered in my ear. 

I nodded. 

His hands fell to my hips before fucking me with a particularly rough thrust. I gasped and held onto the sink again as his pace continued to speed up. I had no control over the noises coming out of my mouth as he hit that spot inside me over and over. 

One hand stayed at my hip as another came down hard on my ass. Nathan was definitely one to give a playful smack, but this was something else entirely. It wasn’t something he’d never done before, but it was always at my request. The part of me that liked it overpowered the part of me that wondered why he decided this was how he wanted to do it. 

“Yeah, you like that?” he said, another hard smack on the same cheek, “you like it when I’m rough with you like this?” 

“Mhm,” I barely managed to get out between the moans. 

His hand flew to my clit after a few more minutes of relentless fucking. 

“You gonna cum for me?” he said in my ear. 

“Yes, yes,” I moaned as I was getting closer by the second, “yes, fuck, it’s so good.” 

“I’m cumming! I’m cumming! Yes! Fuck!” As I came down from my orgasm, I noticed he’d quickly pulled out, but he hadn’t cum. 

I turned around and looked at him, “Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?” 

He shook his head and bit at a fingernail, “No… no… you’re great. You’re beautiful. Turn around, let me finish.” So I did. 

He entered me again and was the total opposite of before. Slow pace. Running his hand down my body and through my hair as he fucked me. He kept eye contact with me in the mirror and smiled at me. 

He let his head fall down on my shoulder, and he moaned in my ear. 

“You feel so good,” he moaned, shakily, “so good.” 

He kissed my neck, “you’re so good to me,” he said between kisses, “fuck Mel, shh-it.” He moaned louder as his thrusts got faster. I grasped onto the sink harder and moaned out at how deep he’d gotten. One of his hands fell on top of mine and held it. With an “uh uh Uh!” of moans, I felt him cum inside me. 

He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before he pulled out. 

“I love you,” he said softly with a small smile. Now I was fucking confused again. 

I turned around to face him, “unbelievable! You love me last night; you want nothing to do with me, and now you love again?! What are you fucking playing at?!” 

His face scrunched up, “what are you talking about?” 

“I don’t know,” I wasn’t crying. I was just fucking angry, “you’ve only said you love me after sex, and less than an hour ago, you didn’t want me anymore. Just tell me what you fucking want, and I’ll give it to you!” 

He shook his head, “I never said I didn’t want you. Maybe you are mental.” And then I burst into tears. 

“Fuck,” he said mainly to himself, “hey hey, it’s okay. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He reached for my arm, and I snatched it away. 

“Don’t touch me,” I said through the tears. I sighed and wiped my eyes before starting to gather my clothes, “you know what? It’s fine. I get it. If this is the only thing you want me for, it’s fine. We have the flat. We fuck. It’s okay, really.” I didn’t think it was okay. 

“If what is all I want you for?” he asked. Are you joking? 

“Sex?” I finally looked at him, and he looked just about as hurt as I was, “what else?” 

“Is that really what you think about me?” He was reaching kicked puppy territory. 

“It was. And then it wasn’t, but you fucking proved yourself, didn’t ya?” I crossed my arms with my knickers and my bra in one hand. We were really arguing in the toilets in a public place with our bits on display because, according to us, that was the least of our worries. 

“What the hell are you talking about? You’re the one talking about sex all the time, sayin’ how fuckin’ shit in bed I am just because I made one comment about some bitch you don’t even know! Jesus!” He groaned and finally pulled up his underwear. 

I put my bra on, “All I said was that it was too far; I didn’t fucking say anything about our sex life. You’re the one who doesn’t love me anymore!” 

He threw his hands in the air, “What?!” What the fuck did I do to make you think that?” 

“Oh, I don’t know,” I said as I slammed a toilet cubicle door in his face, “Fucking... break up with me?!” 

“The only break up we had was from you!” He said, “when you were fucking brainwashed!” 

I put my knickers around my ankles to get them out of my hands and wiped myself off. I pulled my knickers back up and slammed the toilet lid down before flushing the toilet. 

I went back to grab my jumpsuit, and he already had his back on. 

“You looked me in my fucking face and said you don’t want me,” I said, telling myself not to cry again as I got completely dressed. 

“When?!” He responded, “I must’ve been off my fucking tits because I’ve got absolutely no memory of this, and I think I’d fucking remember if I decided to ruin my entire relationship.” 

I washed my hands, “you would, wouldn’t you?” I responded sarcastically, “and wash your fucking hands. You’re disgusting.” 

He shoved them in my face, “why don’t you fucking lick them off considering all that’s on them is your pussy from how hard I’ve tried to please you. All I want is to make you happy! Just for you to act… like whatever the fuck this is!” 

I lightly bit his finger, and he moved his hands away as a reflex. 

“Like what, Nathan?” I said, getting in his face, “mental? Crazy? Psycho? Insane?” 

The door to the toilets swung open, and I took a step back. 

 It was Kelly. 

“Fuckin’ hell, there you are,” she said before taking a look at me. She realized how much of a fucking mess I looked and then immediately seemed a bit angrier, “what’s happened? What’s he said now?”

I took a few shaky breaths, “he wouldn’t have said anything if you hadn’t told him.” 

“Told him what?” 

“Told me what?” They said at practically the same time. 

“You know exactly what,” I said, holding back tears. 

“I didn’t tell anybody anything,” Kelly rebutted. 

“What?” Nathan spoke up, “you fuck somebody while I was dead or somethin? Everybody mourns differently. I’d do the same thing.” 

My jaw dropped, “you know I really want to fucking slap you right now.” 

“Wanker,” Kelly muttered. 

“Whatever, I’m fucking outta here. I need my hygiene wipes for my fucking pubes,” I ignored Kelly’s “wot,” and stomped over to the door while Kelly started to scold Nathan for what he said while he argued back. I forcefully pushed the door open with my hint of anger sparking at my fingertips, and I ran directly into… 

Me?! I let out a blood churning scream. 

As whatever the fuck that was ran the other direction, I heard other feet heading towards my direction. I ran back into the bathroom and directly into Nathan’s chest because I didn’t know where else to go. 

“I think I’m going fucking mad,” I sobbed, “I’m scared. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what’s going on.” 

He wrapped his arms around me and rubbed my back. 

“Hey hey,” he said softly, “breathe. You need to calm down. You’re going to blow the power out. Just breathe. It’s gonna be okay. I’ve got you, love, I’ve got you.” 

“You do this a lot?” Kelly asked which made my anger spike again. Nathan made a shushing noise, and I wasn’t sure if it was directed at me or her. 

The door burst open, and I jumped and let off another spark in the room. I didn’t even want to look to see who it was. 

“The fuck is up with her? I could’ve sworn her reaction to the last dead bodies wasn’t this bad,” Alisha said. What about dead bodies? 

I wiped my eyes and turned around. Simon, Curtis, and Alisha were now standing in the room. 

“Is that what happened? You saw a body?” Nathan asked, “did you kill somebody?!” 

I shook my head, “no, I didn’t fucking kill anybody. I’ve no idea what the fuck’s going on.” 

“Simon killed somebody,” Alisha said like it was the most obvious thing in the world, “Simon killed the probation worker. Nathan, you were there.” 

I looked back at him. He blinked with a look of surprise. 

“I assure you I wasn’t. I was in here fucking my girlfriend and getting shouted at,” he said, “not at the same time… maybe at the same time a little, but mainly not at the same time.” 

Curtis rolled his eyes, “there’s some weird shit going on, and, of course, the only thing the two of you think to have sex.” 

I responded with a scowl, “like you and Alisha haven’t been doing the same fucking thing!” 

“Alright!” Kelly shouted, “we need to recount what the fuck is going on. So Alisha gave Simon a blowjob, but-

“WHAT?!” Nathan responded with a huge smile in a look of amusement on his face, “Barry?! Really?!” 

“She literally just said his name,” I muttered, “you know his name.” 

I’m not sure anyone heard me over Alisha’s, “I did not! It was not me!” 

“That’s funny,” Nathan said. 

Kelly gave an angry sigh. “Alright!” She repeated, “Alisha didn’t give Simon a blowjob. Simon didn’t beat up Alisha. What the fuck else happened in here?” 

“Nathan broke up with me,” I said softly. 

“No I didn’t!” Nathan responded loudly. 

“What? What’d you say?” Kelly asked. 

“Things  that didn’t make sense… Nathan broke up with me. But it almost made sense because because,” I took a couple breaths to stop myself from crying, “Kelly, can you read my thoughts if I just think it?” 

She nodded. I thought you told him what I thought about yesterday… how I never told him about my suicide attempt. I thought he found out and didn’t want me anymore. 

She nodded again, “I really don’t think he’d do that.” 

“Do what?” Nathan responded, “who’s he? Me he? It’s bad enough with all this bullshit without my girlfriend keeping secrets from me.” 

I turned around to look at him, “you really don’t know?” 

“Don’t know what?” He said, “I don’t know a lot of things!” 

I bit my lip and took another deep breath, “that I’m mental. Like actually mental. Like clinically diagnosed mental. Like take a knife down my arm mental,” his face fell in a way I’d never seen. Maybe it’d gotten close when we’d get really drunk and share scary stories. He had tears on the edges of his eyes that he ignored like he always did. He looked absolutely devastated. I saw him glance behind me for just a moment. Probably to look at the others. I couldn’t bear to even think of their reactions. I kept talking, “like realize you don’t actually want to die, scream for your mum, and end up on a mental ward for three months mental. I’ve been on and off of so many medications. Once I moved out of my mum’s place, it got so much better. But I’m still like this,” I said motioning to myself, “I’m textbook crazy. That’s never gonna go away.” 

I watched a couple silent tears fall from his eyes, “but you’re better now though, right?” was all he said. 

I took a breath and let a shoulder rise and fall in a half-shrug, “Am I? Look at today. I’m fucking losing it.” 

He held my hand, “today’s just another one of those weird things caused by the storm; you’re okay. You’re okay, right?” It almost felt like he was pleading with me as tears filled his eyes. 

I stared at my feet, “I don’t know.” 

“I can’t lose you again,” he said softly, “I can’t.” 

I looked back up at him, “I’m not going anywhere.” 

He pulled me into his arms and whispered into my ear, “I love you, and I mean that.” 

I hugged him tightly and then stepped back again, “what’d ya say?” I smirked. 

He glanced around me and fidgeted with his hands before looking back at me, “c’mon, in front of our friends?” 

I pouted, “are you ashamed of me?” I wasn’t upset. I was just trying to get him to say it louder. 

I let out a yelp as he grabbed me and spun me around as he yelled, “I love my girlfriend, and I don’t care how crazy she is!,” before kissing me and letting me down. 

I shook my head and giggled, “and I love you too.” 

He smiled, “alright, sorted! Great!” 

Curtis cleared his throat, “that’s all well and good, but are we forgetting we’ve got bigger problems here?” 

Kelly shrugged, “I thought it was romantic.” 

“We’ve got a dead probation worker in a freezer,” Curtis continued. 

“If Nathan wasn’t helping us move the body, then whoever it was knows we killed the probation worker,” Simon said. 

“But the probation worker isn’t in a freezer, he’s in the ground,” I said. 

“The other one,” Simon responded, solemnly. 

My eyes widened, “the other one?! The one they hired yesterday?!” 

He shook his head, “Sally. The second one. She was Tony’s fiancé.  She was going to go to the police with evidence. I couldn’t let that happen.” I felt a shiver go down my spine. 

“So somebody that looks like me is running around here, moving bodies and breaking up with my girlfriend?” Nathan asked. 

“No,” Simon said, “somebody that looks like any of us, doing anything.” 

“Oh, yeah,” Nathan responded, “like the blowjobs.” He snickered. 

“Oh!” I said suddenly, recovering from all of the distractions, “I remembered something.” “You’ve remembered you’re going to give me a blowjob,” Nathan interrupted. 

I narrowed my eyes at him, “no.” He let out a disappointed, “oh.” 

I continued, “I just ran into me. Like me me. Like evil clone me.” 

“I think it’s a shapeshifter,” Simon responded. 

I nodded, “yeah, yeah. That makes a lot more sense. More Ditto in Pokémon, less Army of Darkness. Thank God.” 

“It made me think of episode of Star Trek I saw,” he said. 

“Is anybody going to tell me what the fuck they’re talking about?” Alisha asked. 

“Shapeshifters can take on other people’s appearances,” Simon said to her. 

“Yeah, there’s been plots on it in like Doctor Who… oh! And Buffy,” I said. 

I was still met with blank looks. 

“Do you lot not watch television? Jesus,” I said and shook my head. 

“I didn’t watch Buffy for the plot,” Nathan said. 

I ran my hands through my hair, “okay, guess that doesn’t matter. What’s the plan?” 

“We should set up a password,” Simon said, “something we can say to each other, so that we know it’s us.”  

“Monkey Slut!” Nathan blurted before I had a chance to catch a thought. 

Alisha rolled her eyes, “we’re not having monkey slut as a password.” 

“What’s the chances of that being used in conversation?” he responded, “Pretty slim, no?” I shrugged. 

“Just go with it,” Kelly said, “Monkey slut.” 

I nodded and said with a slightly disinterested tone, “sure, yeah, genius, babe. Monkey slut.” 

Nathan took some sort of a power stance and gave me a grin. 

“We need to figure out who it is before they go to the police,” Curtis said. I crossed my arms. It would have to be someone that had information on me. 

“It’s the new probation worker. It’s always the probation worker,” Alisha expressed. 

“Could be,” I responded, “could’ve known about me from my file.” 

“That dead chick was the probation worker’s fiance,” Nathan interjected, “what if the new one’s his brother?” The rest of the group was unimpressed. 

“He’s white,” Simon said, “Tony was black.” 

“Adopted brother?” Nathan responded, “adopted kids are nutjobs.” I pinched him. 

“What was that for?!” he reacted. 

“You’re bein’ rude again,” I replied. 

“Whatever,” Kelly said, “we’ve gotta get out of here and find whoever it is.” 

We left the bathroom and began to walk around the community center. The girl from earlier appeared. 

“Lucy?” Simon said, and the girl ran off.  

“That’s her name!” I exclaimed with a snap. 

“You know her too?” Alisha asked. 

“Er, yeah. All us mentals know each other,” I responded, “... that was a joke.” Lucy knew. She knew about my bullshit. 

“It’s her!” I tried not to shout, “it’s definitely her!” We ran after her. 

As we turned the corner, the probation worker and/or shapeshifter appeared. 

“Well, I will see all of you tomorrow,” he said. All of our guards were up, knowing that Lucy could be anybody. 

“Good one!” Nathan said, approaching him, “very convincing.” 

“Stop!” Curtis exclaimed, and we all turned around to look at him. “It’s not her,” he continued. Oh great I thought what kind of shit did we fuck up approximately fifteen minutes ago to cause him to turn back time this time. 

He gathered us and quickly explained how we fucked up, and Kelly killed another probation worker, so that caused him to turn back time. 

Or in my words, our number of brain cells continue to equal our number of probation workers. Zero. Because we killed them all. Thankfully, Curtis’s power saved us from having to get rid of two bodies again instead of just one. 

“Alright, what’s going on?” The probation worker asked since we weren’t exactly being subtle. We all quickly tried to act as natural as possible. 

“Nothing,” Simon responded. 

“You’re obviously lying,” he replied. Not Convinced. Shit. “But it’s five o’clock, and I couldn’t give a shit.” And he walked off. We let off a sigh of relief. The equivalent of me walking out the chippy right as something definitely starts to smell like it’s on fire. Good on ya, sir probation worker. Get the fuck outta there. 

“Have a good one!”  Curtis said as we made sure he was gone before continuing our quest to find Lucy. 

We spotted her again as we ran after her towards the office where she seemingly disappeared again. 

“She’s turned into a mouse!” Simon pointed out as my attention flew to the mouse on the floor. There were a couple of shouts as Curtis and Simon sent a filing cabinet to the floor to get to her. I quickly realized I didn’t have a hair tie and threw my hand into one of Nathan’s pockets. He let out another “ah!,” followed by “are you feeling me up?!” 

I groaned and pulled the hair tie I’d left there out of his pocket and put my hair up. 

“Where’d that come from?” he asked. I ignored him. 

I got down on the ground, “I’m an expert at catching shit.” 

“Not what you want to hear from the girl you just fucked without a condom,” Nathan muttered. 

Simon moved out of my way. “I need… I need like a box or a towel or a cup or something,” I said as I gazed into the hole in the wall, “and maybe a torch.” 

“Well, I’m not waiting around for a fucking mouse. This place is filthy with them,” Alisha said as she left the office. 

“We’ll take care of it,” Curtis said. 

They left and returned with a menagerie of items that said “beat it to smithereens” rather than “catch a mouse.”  

Nathan’s way of showing me he retrieved a towel was to roll it up and smack it across my bum. 

“Easy!” I responded in annoyance, “I’m still sore from earlier and being on my knees and elbows ain’t necessarily helpin.” 

“Sorry,” he said and gently placed it on my shoulder with a pat. 

I grabbed it and had it ready to strike if I saw movement. What was I going to do after I grabbed her? No idea. I sat up towards the hole while the guys stood behind me with makeshift weapons. A bit of anxiety did cross my mind as I was aware that I was a small woman with three men that were bigger than me, had weapons, and had been convicted of crimes behind me, but the whole shapeshifting mouse and superpowers thing balanced everything out. 

We were silent for a few moments before Curtis asked Simon, “so what’s the story of you with this girl?” 

“After I tried to burn that boy’s house down,” Simon answered, “they sent me to a psychiatric unit for assessment.” 

“Woo! Crazy people club!” I said and put up a fist for a fist bump… that was ignored. The cruel hands of rejection will find you in the strangest of places. 

“Lucy was a patient on the unit,” he continued, “I think she’s obsessed with me.” 

“So it’s just that?” Nathan asked, “and the murder, is it? Or is there anything else you’d like to share with the group?” I tried to focus in on the hole on the wall while still listening in. 

“You expect me to tell you anything after how you’ve treated me?” Simon retaliated, “all the names you’ve called me?” 

“What names?” Nathan responded. I would normally say something, but I just kept a smirk as they ignored me, and Simon stood up for himself. 

After Simon listed the numerous names that Nathan had called him, probably leaving out a couple, he ended with, “I just want to be your friend.” 

“Sure, man,” Nathan responded. 

“Alright,” Curtis added. 

I sighed and sat back on my heels as I began to lose hope that she was even still in this office. 

Nathan nudged me with his foot, “any luck on that mouse?” 

“Nothin,” I responded. 

Nathan stretched and groaned, “So basically he’s had a blowjob off your girlfriend, and you haven’t,” he directed towards Curtis. I couldn’t stop myself from letting out a little snicker. It wasn’t funny, but it was pretty funny. 

“Shut up, man,” Curtis said, clearly not amused, “it wasn’t her. It could’ve as easily been your girlfriend.” I turned my attention away from mousehunting. 

Nathan kept a smirk on his face, “That probably would’ve made more sense. Alisha’d never go for a guy like him; Mel loves charity work.” I crossed my arms.

“That’s why she’s with you then?” Curtis said back. 

Nathan shrugged, “probably- 

“No,” I interrupted him. 

“No,” he repeated and motioned towards me, “but, anyway, why should I care what her mouth does when I can have any hole on her I want?” 

“Oi! Watch it, you!” I shouted back at him. 

“Watch what?” Nathan asked playfully, “what’re we watchin? Besides him, who was watchin’ Alisha gob on his knob.” 

“It wasn’t her!” Curtis repeated, angrier. 

“It looked like her,” Nathan said. 

“It wasn’t her,” Curtis repeated again. 

“It had her mouth,” Nathan stated. 

“It wasn’t her brain,” Curtis defended. 

“Who cares about her brain when your balls are restin’ on her chin?!” Nathan said, clearly pleased with himself. 

Curtis quickly threatened him with whatever he was holding, “say another word, I dare you, do it.” 

I sighed, “fuck’s sake,” and went back to what I was doing. I could see her, the mouse, but I didn’t think I could get to her. I didn’t want her to think I was on to her, so I sat silently. 

“I didn’t do anything,” Nathan said, “be angry at him.” 

I watched the mouse move closer as I kept a hold on the towel. 

“I didn’t know what was happening. She just,” Simon stumbled over his words, “and then she… before I knew it, she-” 

“Was suckin’ your cock,” Nathan interrupted. I tried not to laugh. 

“You didn’t know it wasn’t Alisha,” Curtis said, directed at Simon, “you should’ve stopped her.” 

“Aw, c’mon, man, be serious,” Nathan responded before Simon had a chance to say anything, “that requires an inhuman level of self-restraint that no man is capable of. The siren call of the blowjob renders all men powerless. That’s how girls trick you into marryin’ them.” 

“That’s how she’s gotten you so whipped then?” Curtis responded. 

I spun around, removing my attention from the mouse, “I’m sorry?” 

“No,” Nathan said, “I’m my own man.” 

Curtis scoffed, “she says ‘jump,’ you say, ‘how high.’ I’ve seen you carry her across the community centre because she doesn’t want to walk.” 

“Yeah, and?” Nathan said with a stamp of a foot, “I’m a good boyfriend. I… I love her. The blowjobs and the dirty fucking are just bonuses.” 

“Or are you just saying that because she’s sitting right there?” Curtis said. 

“I eat pussy!” Nathan practically yelled, making me blink with surprise. “So, no, I don’t have to do the shopping or carry her bag or whatever to get a blowjob. Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you. Locate the clit to get thine balls licked.” 

At that moment, I noticed the mouse/Lucy run across the floor. 

I shouted as I jumped and grabbed her with the towel. 

“The fuck do I do now?” I asked as I was holding the towel with her inside it in my hand. 

“I don’t know!” Simon responded, “I don’t know!” 

She continued to struggle in the towel until she broke free. 

“Fuck!” I shouted and tried to grab her again with my bare hand. I grabbed her, and she bit me. She fucking bit me. I dropped her in response, and she ran out of the office. I ran after her. 

“Split up!” Curtis shouted to everybody, “find her!” 

I chased her into one of the storerooms where she ran behind some cardboard boxes. I tried to move them, but she’d already gotten away. There was no telling what holes or vents were in that room. I continued searching through boxes and cabinets anyway. 

“Guys!” I heard Nathan yell, and I ran out of the storeroom towards the locker room. 

“What the fuck is going on?” I said as there were clearly sounds of a struggle. I walked in just in time to see “Simon” shove Nathan right onto a pipe. I screamed. Simon (who wasn’t Simon) stared at Nathan, looked at me, and ran in the other direction. 

“Don’t let her get away!” Nathan said with a wheeze, but all I cared about was getting to him. I ran up to him and watched as his blood dripped off the pipe and onto the floor. I let out a small whimper. 

“Hey,” he said with a wheeze and a groan and reached out to rub my arm, “don’t cry. I’m okay.” 

“No, you’re not,” I said softly. Tears started to fall. 

“Really,” he said with another wheeze, “I’ll be okay.” 

“No,” I mumbled through the tears, “I can…  I can fix this.” My hands started to glow. I remembered how I’d healed future Simon. 

“I just,” I said a little bit louder, “I just have to get you off of there.”

Simon, Kelly, and Alisha ended up in the locker room behind me. 

“What are you doing?” Kelly asked, looking towards my glowing hands. 

“I don’t know,” I said simply. 

“She’s Barry,” Nathan said to Kelly, “she shoved me onto a pipe.” 

“I’m not her,” Simon said, “I’m me.” 

“Shit,” Alisha said, seeing the state of Nathan, “does that hurt?” 

“Only when I breathe,” Nathan wheezed, “bad news is the mental girl… she knows the password. Monkey slut is blown.” I was only half paying attention. I was too busy watching the fresh blood drip, drip, drip off the pipe. 

“She could be any one of us,” Simon said. 

“It’s not me!” Kelly said quickly. 

“It’s not me either!” Alisha responded. 

“Mel’s using her power,” Simon said, “that’s how we can prove we’re who we say we are.” 

Alisha used her power. Simon said something gross. Simon used his. 

Maybe I should’ve been paying attention. There was a shapeshifter on the loose that not only had incriminating information on us but also had shown that they weren’t opposed to violence. Stakes were high, but weren’t they always? Somebody was always getting hurt or getting killed or stealing babies or turning into dogs or whatever. 

Something was always fucking happening, and I was stuck staring at a pipe with my boyfriend’s blood all over it. I felt a physical ache in my chest. My brain went back to before. When he was dead. It was scary how clear the image was in my head. It was almost unbelievable that it was only a few days before. 

Dead. Dead. Dead. He’s going to die. Again. He can’t die. But he was dead. Very much dead. So he’ll come back? What if he doesn’t? 

Another image across my mind. That locker filled with blood. That guy could’ve been any one of us. Dead. Tony’s body. Dead. Blood across the floor. Even that girl that brainwashed me. Dead on the pavement. Blood. Blood. Blood. There was always so much fucking blood. 

I didn’t even look up until Kelly took a fucking bat to Curtis’s face. One of them was the shapeshifter. I didn’t know which. I felt like I didn’t know much of anything. 

His body hit the floor, and Kelly quickly got his arms tied. She took a plastic bag and began to suffocate him. And I just stood there. 

“That’s pretty brutal,” Nathan said. 

“We can’t kill her,” Simon added. 

“She knows too much!” Kelly responded with no remorse. I just took a breath and looked away again. 

“Stop!” Simon yelled. 

And the lights went out. My hands were still glowing, but it barely lit up anything. 

All I saw was a shuffle of feet as Kelly yelled, “what was that?!” 

“Is somethin’ happening?” Nathan asked as I held my hands up to see around me. I noticed Curtis was gone and not much else. 

The lights came back on, and Simon’s phone rang. 

“Who is it?!” Kelly asked hostilely. 

“… it’s you,” Simon answered. 

She looked down. It was like her eyes filled with dark liquid. She grabbed him and slammed his head against the lockers. Simon fell to the floor.  My hands let off a spark, and I ran in the other direction. I didn’t leave the room. I hid behind a corner. 

The lights flickered as she screamed as she turned into Lucy. That seems painful I thought. Maybe I should’ve tried to grab her or do something, do anything. But I hid and watched. 

“Why are you doing this?” Simon asked from the floor. 

“These new friends you’ve made,” she said with intensity, “they’ve turned you against me.” 

She took a breath and got down on her knees, closer to Simon. She continued, “I know what I need to do now. You’re going to walk into the police station and confess to murdering your probation worker. They’ll lock you up in the unit; we’ll be together again.” 

She pressed an unwelcomed kiss to his lips and stood up. I took a step forward. I wasn’t sure what I thought I was about to do, but I quickly took a step back again when she began to use her power. The lights flickered again, and she yelled as she turned into Simon. I didn’t interfere. 

“I’m doing this for us,” Lucy as Simon said and walked away. 

I ran back into the room and up to Nathan. Simon got off the floor. We made eye contact with each other, and he quickly left the room. I directed my attention back to Nathan. 

“I… I can fix this,” I said softly, “let me get you off of there.” 

He didn’t object besides telling me to be careful. I put my arms under his and tried to remove him from the pipe. He let out a guttural groan, and I had trouble supporting him. 

“I can’t,” he wheezed, “I can’t feel my feet.” He tried to grab at the wall beside him, and it resulted in both of us slowly sliding to the floor. Blood painted the wall as he slid down it. 

“Let me fix it,” I said. My hands glowed brighter. 

“You gonna zap me?” He asked with a small smile. 

Blood was continuing to gush out of him. I pressed my hands against him, and the bleeding stopped from the front, but it continued to spill out behind him. 

“When’d you learn how to do that?” he asked. 

I shrugged and tried to pull on him. 

“I have to get behind you! I have to fix it!” I said frantically. 

“I can’t move,” he said weakly. 

“I have to fix it,” I said as I began to sob, “I have to fix it.” 

“It’s okay, baby,” he said and tried to take a couple of staggered breaths, “I’m immortal.” 

“You’re fucking dyin!” I shouted as I sobbed, “don’t tell me you can’t die when you’re dying right in front of me!” 

“I’ll,” he continued to wheeze until he caught a breath, “…I’ll come back.” 

“What if you don’t?” I sobbed, “what if it was a one time thing?” 

“It’s… it’s not,” he said, “I suffocated loads of times in that coffin. Way worse than this, honest.” He smiled again, and I knew it was supposed to make me feel better, but it didn’t. 

I just kept crying. 

“It’ll be alright,” he said, “you’ll be okay.” 

“You’re fucking dying, and you’re the one comforting me,” I said through the tears. 

“Well,” he said and gasped for air again, “what else am I gonna do?” 

I tried to take a few deep breaths to calm down. I had to remind myself we lived in a different world now. That he might be okay. That he was going to fucking die, and it wasn’t a big deal. 

“I am sorry though,” he said. I opened my mouth to say “it’s not your fault,” but he kept talking before I could continue. 

“Not for dying,” he said and gasped again, “I’m sorry that I had more fun when I got your blood on me than you’re having getting my blood on you.” 

I laughed, “is that your dying words? A period sex joke?” 

He grinned, and the voice that came out of him next was very quiet and weak, “that’s better… laughin’.” 

“I love you,” I said softly before biting my lip, knowing I was about to start sobbing again. 

“I,” he gasped and tried to catch a breath, multiple times, “I,” he groaned, and finally he closed his eyes and said, “oh, I feel funny.” 

I think he passed out first. I don’t know. I just know I suddenly felt very alone. It was weird. I’d freaked out so much while he was dying that for a second I had a calmness I couldn’t explain. It was like my body said, “alright, we need a break from all that.” 

And then the calmness was replaced with an annoyance of “I’m really going to have to clean up all of this blood.” Down the walls, all over these pipes, all over the floor, some of it spattered on the lockers and the mirrors, all over Nathan and I, all over my jumpsuit, all over my hands. For less than a minute, my brain reacted as if I’d just dropped a bowl of food or a dog had just run in and got mud everywhere. 

And then the panic came back. Reminded me that this isn’t just a mess, it’s blood. It’s my boyfriend’s blood (a little bit of Curtis’ and Simon’s), all over this room. He’s fucking dead, and I’m covered in his blood. There’s human blood all over me. It was drying, already having gone from warm to cold. 

My breaths begin to quicken. 

Blood, blood, there’s always so much fucking blood. It’s all over me. It’s all over me. 

I began to sob again. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how long it would be. My whole body felt wet, and the overwhelming feeling of disgust, dread, and distraught were taking over. 

I noticed my hands lighting up again, and it just made me sob louder. 

Fuck these fucking powers, and this fucking community centre, and this fucking estate, and our fucking parents, and everything. 

Was I was supposed to be grateful that maybe he’d come back when the only reasons he’d died was from other people getting fucking powers? Was I supposed to be grateful that I’d gotten community service and met him in the first place? Was I supposed to be grateful for the part of me that felt the need to defend my mum against her newest wannabe abuser? Because it wasn’t bad enough the way he hit me back. Because it wasn’t bad enough that I had to pick up shit every day. You do everything to try to fucking survive, to be a good person, and where do you end up? Covered in fucking blood on the dirty, shitty floor in a dirty, shitty community centre, in a dirty, shitty borough in a stupid, fucking city in a pompous, fucking country on a shitty, little island in a fucked up, nonsensical, cruel, ridiculous world. 

I kicked my feet like a child and screamed. My hands lit up, and it looked like a lightning strike hit a locker as sparks flew off of it. 

I took another deep breath. 

“You have to calm down,” I said to myself, “or else it’ll be dark, and you’ll still be covered in blood. And then you’re really going to freak out.” 

I closed my eyes and took another deep breath and ignored the smell of iron in the room. 

I sighed and remembered I was in the locker room. 

I got up, slipped slightly but stayed on my feet. I went to my locker, tracking more blood across the floor. I got out my bag, getting blood on it, of course. I took out some wipes and wiped my hands off enough that I wouldn’t get blood on my iPod. It ended up getting some on it anyway. 

I sat on the floor against the lockers. I was close enough to Nathan to touch him with my foot if I wanted to, but far enough away that I wouldn’t be sitting in a pool of blood. I sat my bag on the floor, put my earbuds in, and lit a cigarette because what the fuck else was I going to do? I hit shuffle. Dead! by My Chemical Romance started to play. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. 

____

Two hours later, he moved. I threw my earbuds off and moved over towards him. 

He took a breath and opened his eyes. 

“Welcome back,” I said softly. 

“Oh, hello,” he said and smiled at me. 

I threw my arms around him, and he rubbed my back. I felt like crying again, but at that point, I didn’t know if I had any tears left. 

“I hate to say I told you so,” he said softly, gently. 

“No, you don’t,” I interrupted, “you’d love to say I told you so.” 

He let out a small laugh, “yeah, you’re right. I told you so. I’m all good. All grand. Good as new. Not a scratch on me.” He unzipped his jumpsuit and lifted up his shirt. To be fair, I attempted to heal him there before he died. I ran my hand up his shirt and onto his chest. 

“Shit, your hands are cold,” he said. I felt his heartbeat. Good as new. 

I laid my head on his shoulder, “what do we do now?” 

He kissed me on the forehead, “you’ve covered in blood. Shower?” 

I nodded. We stood up. 

Nathan surveyed the scene, “what the fuck are we going to do about all this?” 

I sighed, “I don’t know. I think there’s still a dead body in this building too. We’ll have to see if Simon sorted his shit, and then get everybody together. We’ve still got time to worry about that. I just want to ignore it for a minute.” 

“Okay,” he said and looked back over all the blood and bit his lip. It was a lot of blood. It probably would’ve been a better idea to shower after cleaning up, but I needed something to forget everything if only for a moment. 

——

I turned on the water in the shower and was thankful that it was hot. I sighed and closed my eyes as the water fell down my back. Nathan stood in front of me. 

“You okay?” he asked. 

“You asked me that earlier,” I responded without opening my eyes. 

“Do you want me to help you get the blood off?” He asked. It wasn’t as bad as how it was on my jumpsuit, but some had gotten under my sleeves and into the legs of my jumpsuit. It also got on my face and all over my hands. Nathan had some on his face while the rest of it on him had miraculously disappeared. 

I nodded, and he took my hand and started to scrub the blood off. 

“I’m so sore,” I whined. I kept my eyes closed. 

“I’m sorry,” he said with genuine remorse, “was I too rough with you?” 

I shook my head, “you’re alright. It was just a weird position and then catching the mouse, and it’s just been… a hard last few days.” 

“I just wanted to make you feel good,” he said as he scrubbed farther down my arm, “I really thought she was you, and we hadn’t done it like that in a while. I thought that’s what you wanted.” 

I finally opened my eyes, “I just want you.” 

“I want you too,” he said and washed some blood off the side of my face, “you’re… everything. And I don’t just do stuff for you for sex, yknow? I’d just about given up about it when you finally said yes.” He gave a small, sad smile. 

“I don’t know if that’s true,” I said and smirked. 

His face fell, “you don’t know if what’s not true?” 

I felt a pang of anxiety, “about you giving up. I didn’t know if you knew how to give up.” 

“Oh,” he said, “I love giving up. I’m notoriously lazy.” 

I shook my head, “you’re somethin’.” 

“No, but really,” he said as he started to wash my other arm, “I want to make you happy. I don’t want you to think you’re just a fanny to fuck.” 

“I don’t think that,” I said, “it was just so scary when, you know, it wasn’t you, but I didn’t know that.” 

He put his arms around me, “I know. She didn’t break up with me. She was just… really mean.” 

I took a step back, “you were really mean to her.” 

He shrugged, “I’d say I deserved it, but then she threw me on a pipe and killed me, so I think she got whatever she was goin’ for. It just felt so believable though. You were already upset, and I don’t have the best track record with girls, so I just thought oh there goes another one, I guess… I… you,” he paused, “you know what? Nevermind.” 

He continued to wash himself. 

“What?” I asked. 

He shuffled his feet and looked at the ground and said softly, “you can tell me if you don’t cum. You don’t have to fake it.” 

“What?!” I said again. I wasn’t angry. I was confused for the billionth time that week. 

“You know your hand thing,” he said, “that first time, you exploded, and then it happened less and less.” 

“Aw, baby,” I said with a pout of sympathy, “I’ve just gotten better at controlling my powers. You’re a great lover, I promise.” 

“Yeah?” he said with a smile. 

“Yeah,” I answered and kissed him. And kept kissing him. His hands flew to my breasts as we continued to snog. We washed each other and touched each other for a few more minutes. 

“Oh,” Nathan said, lightly grabbing my arm, “missed a spot.” He washed some blood off of my inner forearm, over my tattoo, descending stars of various colors. There was a pale scar underneath them. Sometimes I even forgot it was there. I don’t think the injury was ever deep enough to kill me. 

Nathan ran his thumb over it, “is that a scar? I never noticed it before.”

I nodded. 

“Your tattoo covers it nicely,” he said, “it’s really pretty too.” 

I nodded again, “thanks, I got it done in the city. It was really expensive, but with the scar, and me doing the first star myself, I needed someone to fix it.” 

“I just got mine done round here,” Nathan responded. 

“Yeah, I got my other ones done here,” I said and left it at that. 

He pulled my wrist to his mouth and kissed it. I gave him a small smile. 

I put my arms around him and laid my head on his chest as the water went down my back. He kissed me on the head and held me for a moment.

“I miss my cat,” I said, seemingly out of nowhere.

“That massive white one in your pictures?” he asked.

I nodded, “FatFat. He died of kidney failure when I was 18. I was always so sad and scared as a kid, and he’d always be there. I always miss him. And I got so used to you being there when I was scared and sad, I’d miss you, and it’d make me miss my cat. We should get a cat.”

“Do we have enough room for a cat?” he asked.

“We can make room,” I said.

“I don’t know,” he responded.

“If you die again, I’m adopting a cat, and there’s nothing you can do about it,” I said and poked him in the nose.

“Alright, deal,” he stuck his hand out, and I shook it. “If I die again,” he continued, “we can start our family.”

I lifted an eyebrow, “what?”

“You get a cat. Name him after me. And he will be my son,” he said, and I burst out laughing. “Though, I don’t think I have to die for that. Maybe just wait until we get a bigger flat, and the whole place won’t smell of litter box.”

I smiled widely, and he smiled back and kissed me on the forehead.

We finished washing off and turned off the shower. We got dressed and sat on a bench, away from the blood. 

I sighed, “we should probably call the others… unless we want to clean up the blood all by ourselves.” 

“Fuck no,” Nathan responded, “that bitch throwing me on a pipe was Barry’s fault anyway.” 

I let out a breath, “it’d probably be a good idea to check on Simon too.” 

We gathered the troops, cleaned up the blood, and decided to meet back up at 2am to dispose of the body. Apparently, Simon sorted things with Lucy, so at least that was one less thing to worry about. 

The others went home while Nathan and I stayed in the community centre. 

“Shit,” I said as I looked in the mirror, “I got blood on my face again.” Nathan was sitting on a bench with my bag next to him. 

“Can you grab a makeup wipe out of my bag? They’re in the purple smaller bag in the big pocket,” I asked him. 

He opened my bag and started moving shit around. 

“You’ve got too much shit in here,” he said and lifted up the disc Simon had given me the day before, “like what the fuck is this?” 

I shrugged, “something Simon gave me when we thought you were dead. I think it’s some kind of video.” 

“Did you want to watch it?” He asked. 

“Yeah, I guess,” I said. 

He ended up giving me my bag when he couldn’t find anything. 

After I sorted my face, we went to the office computer and put in the DVD. It was a cute little edited video of mainly videos of Nathan and a few of the both of us. 

“That’s sweet,” I said when it ended with a little smile on my face. 

I looked over at Nathan, and he looked less than impressed. 

With his arms crossed and his feet on the desk, he said, “why’s he got videos of us kissin’?” 

I shrugged, “I dunno. We kiss a lot.” 

“Yeah, so?” he responded, “I don’t like that. Sure, whatever, I’ll try to be nice to him, but I don’t like he’s got videos of my girlfriend kissin’ on me with her cleavage out.” 

“I don’t think it was meant to be like that,” I defended. 

“I don’t care,” he said, “it’s weird.” 

“They were mainly videos of you,” I responded. 

“That’s fine,” he said, “he can wank over me, but you’re mine.” 

“Oh, am I?” I replied with a smirk. 

“Yep,” he said. 

“What happened to ‘why should I care what she does with her mouth?’” I asked. 

“That was purely hypothetical,” he said and then straightened up in his chair, “… is that something else I should apologize for?” 

I shrugged, “nah, I don’t care.” 

I took the rest of the time to try to get the blood off of jumpsuits and shoes. 

Soon enough, we’d thrown a body into the lake, and soon enough after that, we’d finally returned home. 

“This has been the longest day of my life,” I said as I collapsed into bed after I’d gotten undressed. 

“For us,” Nathan said, “dumpin’ bodies and getting impaled is startin’ to feel like any other Thursday.” 

Nathan crawled into bed behind me and pulled me into his arms. 

After everything, I’d gotten so exhausted that I, thankfully, quickly, fell into a dreamless sleep. 

——-

The Next Day 

“Can you get me a chair, so I can reach the fucking top of this thing and finish painting this fucking wall?” I asked Nathan. 

“Sure thing,” he said and walked down the hall. 

I assessed the wall and decided we did an… okay job of trying to cover the mural. 

Simon walked up to me. 

“Mel?” he said. 

I turned around, “yeah?” 

“I’m er… I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable by taking videos of you,” he said and messed with his hair, “I just like to… you know… document what’s around me. I didn’t… I didn’t mean anything by it.” 

I honestly tried not to laugh, “‘s alright, mate.” 

“Here’s that chair you wanted,” Nathan said as he approached us. 

I grabbed it from him, and Simon walked somewhere else. 

“The fuck’d you say to him?” I asked quietly. 

Nathan gave a frown of indifference and shook his head, “nothin’.” 

For some reason, I didn’t believe him. 

[karmirage]

some fun facts for the @tournament-of-x voters

The oldest contestants currently in the match (and by oldest, I mean “the date of their first appearance”, not their actual ages) are Magneto, Jean Grey, Bobby Drake/Iceman, and Scott Summers/Cyclops. All four of them first appear in X-Men #1 in 1963.

The youngest contestant currently in the match (again, in terms of the dates of their first appearance, not actual age) is Gwendolyn Poole/Gwenpool, who first debuted in Howard the Duck #1 in 2015.

Of the contestants, only Laura Kinney/Wolverine appeared first on screen -- her first ever appearance was in Season 3, Episode 10 of X-Men: Evolution in August of 2003. This would be later followed by her first comic appearance in NYX #3, in December of 2003.

As far as classic teams go: the 33 characters remaining include three of the original five X-Men (Jean, Bobby, Scott), four of the classic nine New Mutants (Xuân Cao Mạnh/Karma, Dani Moonstar/Mirage, Roberto da Costa/Sunspot, and Illyana Rasputin/Magik -- Dani, Xuân, and Roberto are also founding members), and two people who have two first appearances (both Illyana and Nathan Summers/Cable appear in canon continuity as babies/toddlers prior to appearing later under their aliases -- Illyana appears in Giant-Sized X-Men #1 in 1975 and Nathan appears in Uncanny X-Men #201 in 1985). Two contestants are also part of the iconic Giant-Sized X-Men team created in 1975 -- Kurt Wagner/Nightcrawler and Ororo Munroe/Storm. Two members of the original Generation X remain (Monet St. Croix/M/Penance and Jubilation Lee/Jubilee), as well as two from the Academy X era (David Alleyne and Megan Gwynn, from the New Mutants second generation team and the Paragons, respectively), three if you choose to count Laura Kinney/Wolverine, who joined the remaining students of New X-Men vol. 2 just after M-Day.

All the contestants save nine made their first appearances in X-books (X-Men, Giant-Sized X-Men, Uncanny X-Men, New Mutants, X-Factor, X-Force, Generation X, X-Men: Evolution and New X-Men). The ones who do not first appear in X-books are Mystique (Ms. Marvel #18 in 1978, though she technically had a cameo appearance two issues prior), Xuân Cao Mạnh/Karma (Marvel Team-Up #100 in 1980), Anna Marie Lebeau/Rogue (Avengers Annual #10, 1981), Dani Moonstar/Mirage and Roberto da Costa/Sunspot (both in Marvel Graphic Novel #4 in 1983), Billy Kaplan-Altman/Wiccan (Young Avengers #1, 2005), Tommy Shepherd/Speed (Young Avengers #10, 2006), Eden Fesi/Manifold (Secret Warriors #4, 2009), and Gwendolyn Poole/Gwenpool (Howard the Duck #1, 2015).

Demographically speaking, four characters in the tournament are canonically Jewish -- Magneto, Kate Pryde, Billy Kaplan-Altman/Wiccan, and Bobby Drake/Iceman (thanks for the reminder, @/ant-ifascottlang!) Though it hasn’t been confirmed, one might assume that Tommy Shepherd/Speed and Lorna Dane/Polaris are also Jewish, being related to them.

The 70s and the 80s are proving themselves to be the most popular -- 8 candidates that were created in the 70s are still in the tournament (Kurt Wagner/Nightcrawler, Ororo Munroe/Storm, Illyana Rasputin/Magik, Mystique, Jean-Paul Beaubier/Northstar, Jeanne-Marie Beaubier/Aurora, Kitty/Kate Pryde, and Emma Frost/White Queen), and 8 characters created in the 80s are still in the tournament as well (Irene Adler/Destiny, Xuân Cao Mạnh/Karma, Anna Marie Lebeau/Rogue, Dani Moonstar/Mirage, Roberto da Costa/Sunspot, Nathan Summers/Cable, Julio Richter/Rictor, and Jubilation Lee/Jubilee).

Of the other decades: seven characters were introduced in the 2000s (Eloise Phimister/Negasonic Teenage Warhead, David Alleyne/Prodigy, Laura Kinney/Wolverine, Megan Gwynn/Pixie, Billy Kaplan-Altman/Wiccan, Tommy Shepherd/Speed, and Eden Fesi/Manifold), five were introduced in the 60s (Magneto, Jean Grey, Bobby Drake/Iceman, Scott Summers/Cyclops, and Lorna Dane/Polaris), and four were introduced in the 90s (Remy Lebeau/Gambit, Lucas Bishop, Neena Thurman/Domino, and Monet St. Croix/M/Penance). Gwendolyn Poole/Gwenpool is the only character remaining in the tournament to be introduced after 2010.

One character is canonically Muslim -- Monet St. Croix/M/Penance.

Eleven characters are canonically LGBTQ+: Bobby Drake/Iceman, Mystique, Jean-Paul Beaubier/Northstar, Kitty/Kate Pryde, Irene Adler/Destiny, Xuân Cao Mạnh/Karma, Julio Richter/Rictor, David Alleyne/Prodigy, Billy Kaplan-Altman/Wiccan, Tommy Shepherd/Speed, and Gwendolyn Poole/Gwenpool.

Laura Kinney/Wolverine, Remy Lebeau/Gambit (thanks for the reminder, @/souldagger!) and Megan Gwynn/Pixie have been confirmed by writers to be queer, but there has been no on-panel confirmation for any of them beyond Pixie’s appearance/alternate dimension self in Secret Wars.

Without counting the upcoming Uncanny Avengers, at least three characters have been recurring Avengers -- Anna Marie Lebeau/Rogue, Roberto da Costa/Sunspot, and Eden Fesi/Manifold. Rogue and Sunspot also notably led teams of Avengers. Several other candidates have been Young Avengers -- David Alleyne/Prodigy, Billy Kaplan-Altman/Wiccan (who was a founding member), and Tommy Shepherd/Speed.

Ten characters are mutants of color -- Ororo Munroe/Storm is Kenyan-American and grew up in Cairo, Xuân Cao Mạnh/Karma is Vietnamese, Dani Moonstar/Mirage is Indigenous American, specifically Cheyenne, Roberto da Costa is Afrolatino and from Brazil, Julio Richter/Rictor is Mexican, Jubilation Lee/Jubilee is Chinese-American, Lucas Bishop is Aboriginal Australian/Black American (according to Chris Claremont, who confirmed that Bishop is indeed descended from Aboriginal Australian mutant Gateway), Monet St. Croix/M/Penance is Monacan-Algerian, David Alleyne/Prodigy is a Black American, and Eden Fesi/Manifold is Aboriginal Australian.

While Laura Kinney/Wolverine first appeared as a visibly brown girl in X-Men: Evolution, her design has since been lightened and she does not have a confirmed ethnicity.

Only eight of the remaining contestants have never appeared in live-action adaptations -- Irene Adler/Destiny, Xuân Cao Mạnh/Karma (though her name is shown on a computer screen in X2: X-Men United), Jean-Paul Beaubier/Northstar, Jeanne-Marie Beaubier/Aurora, David Alleyne/Prodigy, Megan Gwynn/Pixie, Eden Fesi/Manifold, and Gwendolyn Poole/Gwenpool. Of these, only Karma, Penance, Prodigy, Manifold, and Gwenpool have no on-screen appearances at all -- the others appear in the various animated series (Destiny has a recurring appearance in X-Men: Evolution, Pixie pops up in Wolverine and the X-Men, and the Beaubier twins appear in the X-Men cartoon of the 90s). While Penance is listed on Wikipedia as being in Wolverine and the X-Men, it does not cite an episode, though her twin younger sisters appear in Season 1 Episode 10 “Greetings from Genosha.” **this post has been corrected -- Monet St. Croix/M/Penance appears in the direct to TV Generation X movie (thanks for the reminder, @/cranechel!)

[sojourner-between-worlds]

I finally did it. I finally organized my 5Ds playlist. If you saw the original post eons ago, some songs have been abandoned for this one, but, uh, I also added, like, 30 more. So. There's that.

Full track list, all 109 119(currently) organized (roughly) by character under the cut. The first song of each section is linked for (slightly) easier navigation.

General - The Greatest Show - The Greatest Showman (Riding Duels) - Whatever It Takes - Imagine Dragons - Catalyst - Linkin Park (Satellite) - NEW Nerves - Icon for Hire (Satellite) - Land of Broken Dreams - Jonathan Young, feat Caleb Hyles (Satellite) - NEW Round and Round - 3 Doors Down (City and Satellite) - Hero - Skillet - Lost and Found - Zack Hemsey (First two arcs in particular) - Witching Hour, feat. Brooke Griffith - Tommee Profitt (Dark Signers Arc) - This is War - Thirty Seconds to Mars - Here We Stand, feat. SVRCINA - Hidden Citizens - Ready Aim Fire - Imagine Dragons (Pre-WRGP-Ark Cradle arc) - Finish Line - Skillet (Specifically always makes me think of Jack pushing his runner during the WRGP, but... lol) - See You Again, feat. Charlie Puth - Wiz Khalifa (The final few episodes, as everyone is parting ways)

. . .

All Six Signers - Young - Hollywood Undead - Renegades - ONE OK ROCK - Relate - for King & Country - We Are - ONE OK ROCK - Hey Brother - Avicii - Meet Me on the Battlefield - SVRCINA - Fight the Night - ONE OK ROCK - Answer the Call, feat. Claire Guerreso - Hidden Citizens - Saviors of the World - Skillet - Time To Go To War - Manafest x UNSECRET - Not Gonna Die (+Intro) - Skillet - We Won't Give Up - The Afters (I specifically associate this with the WRGP but) - NO-LIMIT - Fairy Tail OP25, English cover by AmaLee - Caught In the Fire, feat. Sam Tinnesz - Tommee Profitt - Strike Back - Fairy Tail OP16, English cover by NateWantsToBattle - Unleash the Power, feat. Sam Tinnesz and Rayelle - Tommee Profitt - Born For This - The Score - NEW Lead the Way - Nathan Wagner

. . .

Yusei - Child of the Stars - Fish in a Bird Cage - Speechless - Aladdin, cover by Caleb Hyles (Specifically early FC arc) - Soldier, feat. Fluerie - Tommee Profitt - NEW Fine - Mike Shinoda (DS arc) - Darkness Before the Dawn - Caleb Hyles, feat. Lacey Sturm (DS arc) - Believe in Myself - Fairy Tail OP21, English cover by NateWantsToBattle - Rise - Ashes Remain - Not Alone - Linkin Park (Arc Cradle) - If I Die Young - The Band Perry, cover by Sam Tsui - Where the Skies End - Starset - Can You See Me? - Krista Siegfrids (Second verse doesn't totally work but eh.) - The World You Want - Switchfoot - NEW Shining A Light Over You - Gentle Sparrow (Post-series)

. . .

Jack - Kings - Tribe Society - Leave It All Behind - Cult to Follow (Pre-series-DS) - Vagabond, feat. FJORA - Tommee Proffit (Pre-series-DS) - Lost Souls - Nathan Wagner (Pre-series-DS) - From Now On - The Greatest Showman (Post Fortune Cup) - When I Was King - ONE OK ROCK (Post Fortune Cup) - Run Run Rebel - Hidden Citizens (Burning Soul arc)

. . .

Aki - Brick by Boring Brick - Paramore (Pre-series-DS) - Innocence - Nathan Wagner (Pre-series through mid-way Dark Signers) - Paper Crown - Alec Benjamin (Pre-series. Arguably ship-y but only if you watch the video, lol) - NEW I Didn't Ask For This - Beth J Crowley (Pre-series through-DS) - Monster - Beth Crowley (Pre-series through Fortune Cup) - NEW Demons - Icon for Hire - I Want To Live - Skillet - Masayume Chasing - Fairy Tail OP15, English cover by AmaLee - Surviving the Game - Skillet - Unbreakable - Fireflight

. . .

Rua/Leo - Pretender - AJR - Battle Symphony - Linkin Park - The Chosen One - Smash Into Pieces - Something Big - Shawn Mendes - Prove - ONE OK ROCK - Children of the Sky - Imagine Dragons (Kinda all of them but heavy focus on Rua/Leo)

. . .

Other Assorted Characters - Fight Song - Rachel Platten (Ruka/Luna) - Counting Stars - OneRepublic (Crow) - A Shot in the Dark - Smash into Pieces (Crow) - Far From Home, feat. Sam Tinnesz - Tommee Profitt (Crow, Dark Signers arc) - Higher - The Score (Crow) - Memories - Maroon 5 (Bruno, or rather the others about him)

. . .

Kiryu/Kalin - Watching As I Fall - Mike Shinoda (Pre-series) - Monster - Fight the Fade (End of Team Satisfaction) - Hell's Comin' With Me - Poor Mans Poison - All Eyes on You - Smash Into Pieces (Crashtown arc) - Face to Face - Citizen Soldier (Crashtown arc)

. . .

Villains - World So Cold - 12 Stones - Monster Made of Memories - Citizen Soldier (Dark Signers) - Feed the Machine - Poor Mans Poison (Rex Godwin) - How Villains Are Made - Madalen Duke (Pretty much all of them, but specifically Godwin and Z-ONE) - With You Til the End, feat. Sam Tinnesz - Tommee Profitt (Z-ONE et al) - Last Survivor, feat. Nilka - Unsecret (Z-ONE) - The Sound of Silence - Disturbed (Z-ONE) - Cold World - RED (Z-ONE) - SCAVA - Hollywood Undead (Z-ONE et al)

. . .

Combinations - Mad World - Tears for Fears, cover by Smash into Pieces (An odd combo: Pre-series Kiryu/Kalin and Aki) - Ready As I'll Ever Be - Tangled: the Series (Signers vs Dark Signers. I feel like this one needs a breakdown but only upon request, lol.) - Hold On For Your Life, feat. Sam Tinnesz - Tommee Profitt (Yusei vs Kiryu/Kalin; Jack vs Carly) - NEW It Had To Be You (Dark Version) - Tommee Profitt x Tiffany Ashton (Jack vs Carly and Yusei vs Kiryu/Kalin) - Battle Scars - Paradise Fears (Team 5Ds and Team Taiyo) - Running Up That Hill - Kate Bush, metal cover by Jonathan Young and Caleb Hyles (Aporia and Team Ragnarok) -The Antihero vs The Hero - Nathan Wagner (Z-ONE et al and Yusei)

- Where We Rise - Neoni (Jack and Yusei) - No Limits - Zayde Wolf (Yusei and Jack) - Who I Am - Citizen Soldier (Yusei and Aki) - This Is Me - The Greatest Showman (Fortune Cup Yusei and Aki. I wish I could use the movie version solely for what’s going on in the background at one point but the only video has ridiculously quiet audio...) - Collide - Skillet (Yusei and Aki, FC-DS arcs) - Wake Up - Smash into Pieces (Jack and Aki, pre-series) - Running Away from Home - Smash Into Pieces (Jack and Aki) - Already Over - Mike Shinoda (Jack and Aki) - Alive - Daughtry (Yusei, Jack, Crow, Aki) - The Musician - 14th Melody (D.Gray-man OP), English cover by AmaLee and Andy Stein (Yusei, Jack, Crow, Aki) - Brother - Kodaline (Yusei, Jack, Crow) - Save You, feat. Redlight King - Manafest (Yusei, Jack, and Crow) - Hall of Fame - The Script (Jack, Crow, Rua/Leo; post-series) - NEW Cool Kids - Echosmith (Rua and Ruka/Leo and Luna)

. . .

Ships - Still Worth Fighting For - My Darkest Days (JackxCarly) - Angel With a Shotgun - The Cab (JackxCarly) - Stolas Sings (Owl in a Cage) - Helluva Boss [Sam Haft], cover by Caleb Hyles (One-sided JackxCarly) - Bleeding Out - Imagine Dragons (JackxCarly, specifically Carly as a DS and their duel) - Slip Away - Ruelle (JackxCarly, specifically their duel in the DS arc) - Counting On Me (Acoustic Version) - Smash into Pieces (JackxCarly, DS arc) - NEW If You Fall - UNDREAM & Brad Arthur (YuseixAki) - Better Than One - The Score (In my head, YuseixAki, but any really) - Monsters - Katie Sky (YuseixAki. Could absolutely be interpreted platonically too imo.) - I Found the Answer in You - Loving Caliber (YuseixAki)

[amberlynnmurdock]

New Love, New Haven

Chapter Fourteen: The First Time

Pairing: Benjamin Tallmadge x Original Female Character

Summary: Upon realizing Ben's letter never got to Sadie, he pays her a visit before Thanksgiving break.

A/N: WOW it's been too long since I've updated this fic! I love writing this fic so much, I haven't forgotten it <3 next chapter will have a huge time jump! Thank you for reading!! <3

WARNINGS: 18+ content, smut, losing virginity, eating out

Wethersfield 1773 

Ben sat patiently at the large wooden desk in his classroom, waiting for his students to arrive. Sometimes a student or two came early but most of the time they walked in late. Ben wasn’t hard on them—he remembers very fondly arriving late to class with Nathan and feeling the glares from his professors. He didn’t want his students to feel the way he did. He wanted them to feel welcomed. He didn’t want them to feel defined by tardiness. And he especially didn’t want to rush any of his lessons.

It was a brisk fall day. Leaves were starting to fall. Today was the last day of the semester, and next week he’d be leaving for Thanksgiving. He organized today’s assignment and wrote on the chalkboard. Friday, November 19th, 1773. Today’s lesson: Latin. As Ben finished writing on the board, he smiled to himself. Latin. A memory flashed in his mind: the very first night he met Sadie and she spoke Latin to him: nemo saltat sobrius. He chuckled softly, played with the piece of chalk in his hand. He missed her. 

And upon realization, Ben’s gaze fell—it had been a while since he heard from Sadie. Concern settled over him, until the door to his classroom opened abruptly, and in came one of his students, named Joel. 

“Good morning, Mr. Joel. How are we today?” Ben clapped his hands together and looked at the young boy. Joel straightened in his chair and brought out a book from his bag. 

“Ready for today’s lesson, Mistah Tallmadge,” Joel’s high-pitched voice spoke. He placed his hands on top of his book. 

“Very well,” Ben smiled, holding his hands behind his back. More students trickled in, each finding their respective seats. Ben waited as each of them settled down and brought their books out. Each desk was lined with a pot of ink and a quill. When everyone was finally settled, Ben cleared his throat. 

“How many of you are familiar with the Latin language?” Ben proposed to the class, hands behind his back. He paced back and forth slowly, waiting for a lucky duck to raise his hand. 

A small boy in the back of the classroom raised his hand. It was Charles. He had tousled brown hair and freckles on his cheeks. 

“Yes, Charles,” Ben encouraged him as he walked down the aisle to Charles’ desk. Charles cleared his throat and sat up more straight in his chair.

“Isn’t it a dead language, Mistah Tallmadge?” Charles asked. 

“It is, but it’s not dead if we bring it to life by speaking it!” Ben exclaimed, looking at the other young men in the class. “It’s quite a beautiful language if you take the time to study it.”

“Is it goin’ to be hard, Mistah Tallmadge?” Another boy asked, named Daniel. 

“No,” Ben smiled as he made his way back to the front of the class. “Not if you take your notes and pay attention.” 

Some boys dipped their quills in the ink, while others groaned in despair. Ben laughed at the mixed reactions. It wasn’t easy teaching young boys but it sure was worth it. He made sure by the end of each lesson everyone understood what was taught and left with a better attitude than when they came into class. 

Of course, his lesson plan today reminded him of Sadie. When he recited the verb forms and wrote them on the chalkboard, it was hard to ignore the pull on his heart. Another moment of realization slowly dawned on Ben at that moment—when was the last time he received a letter from Sadie? Well, he couldn’t ponder on that too long right now. He’d have to wait until the end of the day. 

“Amo, amat, amos,” Ben recited aloud. The boys repeated after him in tandem. And despite carrying on with the lesson, he was anxious to get home and check the post. 

When class ended, Ben wished them all a wonderful holiday. Normally, he’d stay and talk to them before closing up for the day, but even they were in a rush to enjoy the break. Ben quickly packed up his things and headed home. 

☆☆☆☆

He walked home after school ended. Satchel on his shoulder, tricorn on his head. He tipped his hat whenever he passed by a local town person to greet them. Horses trodded by him in their carriages. With each step, a sinking feeling grew deeper in Ben’s chest. 

When he arrived at his small abode, he checked the post box immediately. 

Nothing. 

Ben furrowed his brows at the empty box and shut it. How much time had passed since his last letter? About a couple of weeks? 

Entering his home, Ben locked the door and placed his brown leather satchel on a chair. He threw his tricorn on his bed and ran his hand through his golden brown hair, exasperated. His mind was racing—was Sadie okay? Did something happen in New Haven? Surely, he'd hear about it if it had to do with any redcoats. 

To distract himself from his worry, Ben started a fire in his fireplace to warm his home a little. The closer it got to the end of November, the colder it was getting. At least, that meant he could go on holiday and visit Sadie, before trekking up to Setauket. It would be a short visit in New Haven, but a necessary one. 

Ben sat in front of the fireplace for a few more moments, staring at the yellow and orange flames as they warmed his face. It was moments like this when he realized how alone and far away he was from everyone he loved. 

Perhaps instead of worrying, he could get a head start on grading papers. Yes, he’ll do that, he thought. He lit a candle and placed it on his desk. He reached into his satchel and brought out all the papers stuffed inside. Ben spread them out. He flipped through the pages and organized them by subject. And then, something fell into his lap.

“Hm?” Ben hummed aloud. 

Oh, dear. 

It was a thick envelope, with a red wax seal. This was the last letter he was supposed to send to Sadie! 

Ben pushed himself out of his chair and ran outside. It was nearly evening—there wouldn’t be anyone to collect the mail until tomorrow morning. Then Ben clutched the letter to his chest in realization: on Saturdays, Wethersfield didn’t collect mail. He’d have to go into town and physically drop it in the general store for it to be mailed out on Monday. Even more of a delay! Christ, Tallmadge. No wonder you haven’t heard from Sadie! 

But why wait for the postage when Ben could just head back to New Haven now, instead of waiting until Monday?It didn’t take him long to finalize his decision. He’d be on his way to New Haven at the crack of dawn and deliver his letter to Sadie himself. 

☆☆☆☆

Sunday

Sadie walked down the cobblestone path, basket in her arm. It was finally cold enough for her to bring out her favorite velvet cloak. She threw the hood over her head and continued to walk down the road, smiling at anyone who walked by: a mother and her child, an old man waiting for a customer in front of his steps, two young boys running around, wreaking havoc. Many faces passed her by, and none of them were who she wanted to see. 

Her first stop was the market. She needed to stock up on apples and cheese for the bar guests—and then some for her to sneak for herself. The bell chimed in the doorway and she was greeted by Mack, the old man who ran the shop.

“Hello, Sadies,” Mack greeted. He always added an “s” at the end of her name. He trotted from behind the counter and leaned on his elbow. “How’s your father?” 

“He’s good, Mack,” Sadie smiled, taking the cloth off her basket. “Says you’re due for a pint of ale.”

Mack laughed, “I don’t drink like I used to.” 

“He can do a soft pour,” Sadie chided. 

“Maybe sometime this week.” He said this every time but never came by. Sadie smiled warmly at the older man. 

“I’m here for—“

“Apples and cheese, I know, I’ve got it ready,” Mack held a finger up in the air as he spoke and rounded the corner again, bringing a fresh basket from behind the counter. Sadie carefully picked the apples with the cloth from her basket. Mack had the cheese already wrapped. 

“Thank you very much, Mack,” Sadie smiled. 

“Where are you off to next?” 

A pang hit Sadie’s heart. “The tavern I suppose. I’ve got to do some cleaning before the holiday week.” 

“Your brother will be back this week, right?” Mack inquired. At the mention of Nathan, Sadie’s chest suddenly felt lighter. 

“Yes,” Sadie smiled, “of course.” 

“When?”

“Monday,” Sadie answered, “he’ll be home for a week. After that, a shorter term begins and he won’t be home until the long break again.” 

“Ahh,” Mack said, “busy boy he is. I’m sure he’s loving being a teacher.” 

“He definitely is,” Sadie smiled. She couldn’t wait to hear his stories when he came back. She knew of some of his experience from his letters, but knowing Nathan, he loved to save the details for in person. 

After Sadie gave Mack a few coins for the food she picked up, she was on her way back to the tavern. Hood over her head, she walked slowly down the path, counting her steps. She heard the normal hustle of the town around her, but Sadie paid no mind to it. She focused her gaze on the cobblestone, wishing this sinking feeling would just go away already. The lack of communication between her and Ben was taking a toll on her, and she wondered if he received her most recent letter, the one in which she told him about her plans for the Spring with Genny. 

Sadie pushed her hood off her head when she approached the tavern. It was a sunny morning—very bright for a rather autumnal Sunday in November. When the sun warmed Sadie’s face, she squinted her eyes at the brightness and nearly missed the figure that stood at the corner of the Tavern with a familiar-looking horse. 

She nearly dropped her basket on the cold hard ground when she realized who was waiting at the corner. 

Benjamin.

“Oh my,” Sadie whispered, her heart in her throat, “B-Ben—what—“ All the words she wanted to say left her at that moment as Ben, it really was him, finished tying his horse, Willow, to the pillar and made his way to Sadie. 

And perhaps it was a bit forward, or inappropriate, but Ben didn’t care—he stalked his way over to Sadie and placed his hands on either side of her face, and slowly leaned down to give Sadie the longest and warmest kiss he could. He shut his eyes tight as his lips began to remember the feeling of hers on his, a comforting, familiar feeling that he’d been so deprived of. Sadie reached up to touch his face and deepened the kiss, running her fingers over his skin, as if the movement said Is it really you, here? This is real? 

When Ben pulled back, he was breathing hard, but he locked his blue eyes with Sadie’s warm ones. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “Sadie, I’m so sorry.” 

“I thought you forgot about me,” Sadie smiled, despite herself. She blinked away tears and Ben looked at her as if she just accused him of a terrible crime.

“Forget about you? Sadie, I haven’t stopped thinking about you since I left this town,” Ben now was holding both of Sadie’s hands, caressing her knuckles with his thumbs. “I’m a bloody idiot and mixed the letter I wrote for you weeks ago with my students’ papers.”

“Oh,” Sadie said, her worries washing away instantly. “Oh, Ben, I can’t believe I jumped to conclusions so quickly,” Sadie closed her eyes and scrunched her brows in frustration, thinking of how sad she was when she didn’t receive any letters from Ben.

“It’s okay,” Ben hushed and kissed her forehead. “When I saw I still had my letter, I knew I had to get it to you sooner than later. I left Wethersfield yesterday morning.”

“How long will you be in New Haven for?” 

“Just tonight, I’m afraid,” Ben smiled sadly, “I have to go back to Setauket for Thanksgiving.”

“Right,” Sadie nodded, “of course. Well, I’m so happy you’re here now, Ben. It’s been so long.”

“I know, my Sadie,” Ben whispered and pulled Sadie in for another embrace. When he pulled back, he met Sadie’s eyes with concern. “I was hoping you’d be able to have me tonight.”

“Of course,” she said without a second thought. “Come to the back door, at night. Like old times.”

Ben smiled and wiped a tear from Sadie’s cheek. “I’ll be there.”

☆☆☆☆

All day, Sadie anticipated the tavern to close early so she could prepare to see Ben tonight. Even though people knew of their relationship, it was still funny they had to sneak around to see each other.

Sadie looked at herself in her small mirror in her room. She took down her hair from her bun and let it fall to one side. Her white shift dress was buttoned to the top, but Sadie decided to undo a few of the buttons so some more skin peeked through. When she heard tiny pebbles hit her window, Sadie knew Ben arrived. 

After sneaking him in from the back door and quietly tip-toeing up the stairs, so as to not wake Richard, Ben was finally in Sadie’s room again. She shut the door quietly and locked it. When she turned around, Ben had his arms open for her. She squealed softly and walked into his strong arms. He wrapped them around her frame, picked her up, and squeezed her before gently putting her down again. Ben buried his face in the crook of her neck and breathed in her sweet scent. 

“Christ, I’ve missed you,” Ben breathed. “So much, Sadie.”

“I missed you more,” Sadie smiled.

“Impossible.”

She took his hand and gestured for him to sit on her bed. Sadie didn’t even know what to say, but the look on Ben’s face told her he had something to say first. He smiled, a bit embarrassingly, and felt for something in his pocket. When he pulled out an envelope with a red waxed seal, Sadie looked confused. 

“This is the letter that got mixed up in my papers. You should have received it if not for my misplacement,” Ben put the crinkled letter in Sadie’s palm. 

“Do you want me to read it?” Sadie asked, already tearing open the wax seal. Ben laughed, nodded his head to gently urge her. 

“Of course,” Ben whispered. “But I can’t look at you as you read it.” 

“Why not?” Sadie said amused. 

“It’s different when you’re in the same room as the person you wrote the letter for,” Ben chuckled. 

“Oh, please, Ben,” Sadie hushed, “you’ve seen me nearly naked and you’re a little embarrassed by a letter you wrote me?” 

“If it’s the letter I remember, then yes,” Ben blushed. Without prying further, Sadie took a moment to read it by candlelight. Contrary to what Ben said before, he couldn’t keep his eyes off Sadie as she read. 

It was about a dream Ben had about Sadie, by the beach and a constellation he hadn’t seen before. It was adorable—romantic, and adorable. Sadie tried not to giggle but couldn’t help it. 

“You think I’m silly, don’t you?” Ben asked. Sadie shook her head and placed the letter on her nightstand. When she looked at Ben again, she took his hands in hers and squeezed them.

“Not at all, Ben,” Sadie assured him. “I thought that was very sweet. Imagine, a constellation named after me?”

Ben laughed, “It would surely be the most beautiful constellation in the sky.”

“Now that was silly,” Sadie playfully teased. Ben digressed and kissed Sadie’s knuckles.

“Sadie, how are you? Really?” He asked. “It’s been a few months since I’ve seen you. There’s so much to catch each other up on.”

“I know,” she agreed and took a deep breath. Since Ben was here early, it was possible he hadn’t received her last letter yet. “Well, nothing about the tavern has changed. Not many Yale kids come by. It’s the regular town folk.”

“But what about you?” He asked again. 

“What about me? Hm,” Sadie tried to deflect the attention, but it was no use. “Well, in the spring, I’m going to be learning about herbs and healing with Genny in Middletown. Ben… I wrote you a letter before I knew what happened. I really thought you forgot about me or met someone, or whatever…” Sadie trailed off. “If my letter seems to have an air of finality to it, please disregard it. In fact, don’t even read it, just toss it. But I’m glad I’m telling you this in person now.”

Ben nodded as he listened in understanding. 

“So… yes. Next spring, I’ll be in Middletown. I’m not sure for how long, but I’ll be learning.”

“That’s amazing, Sadie,” Ben said honestly. “I’m so happy for you to be getting to experience something like that.”

“Really?” Sadie asked with surprise, “I thought you’d be upset.”

“Upset? Sadie, why upset? No, I’m happy for you,” Ben said with gentle urgency. “You deserve to learn new things and visit new places. Why would I ever be upset?”

“Well, because it’s not really anything to do with us. You know, I’m not moving to Wethersfield to be with you.”

Ben shook his head, “Sadie, as much as I would love to come to you, I’m not one to stop you from being able to experience things, even if it means without me. No, I encourage it. I would never be upset because you didn’t make a decision for us.”

“But I want to be with you,” Sadie argued gently, “no matter where I am.”

“I want to be with you too,” Ben said, “and I will. So as long as you’ll have me.” 

"So when I go to Middletown, and you’re in Wethersfield, we can still write letters and be together that way, right?” Sadie asked. 

“Of course,” Ben said like it was the most obvious answer in the world. In a way, it was the only correct answer for him. “And if you don’t hear from me or I from you, let’s not assume the worst. Okay?” 

Sadie laughed, “I’ll try not to get my papers on herbs mixed up with my letters.” Ben chuckled in response. 

“Besides,” Ben said in a low voice, “Middletown is not that far from Wethersfield. In fact, it’s only a few hours by horse. I’ll come to you,” Ben promised. “When you have a free weekend and can sneak around.”

“I can’t wait until we don’t have to sneak around,” Sadie gently ran her thumb over Ben’s jaw. Ben turned his face into the palm of her hand and kissed her. 

“I know,” he whispered, “me too.”

“So, how have you been? How’s teaching? Your students?”

“My students are a riot, but they are eager to learn, and I’m grateful for that. The most recent lesson I taught them was on Latin. I thought of you the entire time.”

“They’re lucky to have an amazing teacher like you,” Sadie said. 

“Thank you,” Ben smiled. “It’s been rewarding, teaching them.”

“I’m sure they love you,” Sadie sighed with content. “As.. as I do.”

“Wh—“

“I love you, Ben,” Sadie said, and she thought it was strange that she hadn’t said it before. Maybe it was one of those things that was so true, it didn't need to be said. 

“Sadie, I love you,” Ben whispered, bringing Sadie’s hands in his lap. He closed the short distance between their faces and gently pressed his lips to Sadie’s, before deepening the kiss. Sadie opened her mouth to invite his tongue. It was a sensation Ben hadn’t felt since the last time he was in her room. He placed his hand on the back of Sadie’s neck and caressed his fingers through her hair, gently tugging to lay her flat on her back. 

Sadie traced her fingers along Ben’s back and stopped when she reached his low ponytail. She untied the ribbon and threw it on the floor, letting his golden brown locks free. Ben gently kicked his boots off so they wouldn’t make a loud thud. For a moment, Ben pulled back to look at Sadie in the soft glow of the candlelight by her bed. She looked so soft and ethereal in such a light, he leaned over her and pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear. 

“What is it?” Sadie asked. 

“You’re just beautiful,” Ben whispered. He leaned down again to kiss her. To remember this moment, Ben truly lost himself in the kiss as he tried to memorize the curve of Sadie’s lips on his, how soft her face felt, and how delicate she felt underneath him. When he pulled back to breathe, Sadie gestured to her night dress. 

“Please unbutton the rest,” she whispered. 

Without a word, Ben did as he was told and spread the thin white linen across so Sadie’s breasts were exposed. He took a shaky breath, mouth agape, as he took in this sight of Sadie. 

“Ben,” she gently urged. “I want you.” Her heart was pounding so fast and hard, she began to shake a little. Ben placed a warm hand on her neck and ran it down the length of her arm. 

“Okay,” Ben nodded. 

“Wait!” Sadie shout-whispered out of nerves, startling Ben. “I—oh dear God, I’m sorry. I—I’m not sure what I mean by I want you. I mean, I want you, but this is—I’ve never been bed before, obviously—"

“Sadie,” Ben interjected, “we don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to. I’d never want you to feel uncomfortable, especially with me.”

“No,” Sadie argued, “I—I want to. It has to happen now, before it will be a while until we see each other again. I want this.”

“As long as you want this,” Ben restated, wanting to be sure. “Is it—special enough? I should have brought—“

“It’s special enough because it’s with you,” Sadie interrupted him. “I don’t need thousands of roses and wine from France, Ben,” she laughed. “I just need you.”

Ben smiled in return, his blue eyes bright even in the dim lighting. Sadie laid down on her back again and took a deep breath as Ben took off his shirt and pants. He kissed her again, slowly this time, and gently placed his right hand on her breast, her nipple fitting in the middle of his palm. Ben took a deep breath as he felt his cock harden already. Sadie spread her legs and turned her face to the side. Ben began to kiss her neck, gently, all the way along her collarbone and chest. 

Sadie watched as he kissed her skin, still slightly shaking underneath him. She closed her eyes and felt her heartbeat quicken again. The more she thought about what was about to happen, the more nervous it made her feel, even though losing her virginity to Ben was all she wanted. She wanted this, she knew it. 

“I’ve got you,” Ben assured her as he pulled back from kissing her breasts. He could hear how fast her heart was beating. When he lost his virginity, his heart was beating fast too. He absolutely hated the experience—it was on a dare, and it was neither enjoyable for him nor the girl. He wanted Sadie’s first time to be more special, more comfortable, more enjoyable, and unforgettable. This was about her, it wasn’t about him. 

“Okay,” Sadie whispered. 

They both knew that after tonight, their relationship would never be the same—in a good way, of course. But what they say about intercourse, must be true. The sharing of bodies and becoming one. 

Ben gently tugged the rest of Sadie’s dress down so she was completely naked on her bed. Still shaking, Ben leaned his body weight on her to warm her. He kissed her from her lips to her chin, to her throat, to the middle of her chest, all the way down her stomach, and finally, to where he knew she needed it most. Her warm sex, her slick folds wet and sensitive. Ben kissed the top of her private and heard Sadie lightly moan as she pressed her head into her pillow. Ben took this as a good sign and gently ran his tongue over her wet folds, which caused Sadie to suppress another moan. Ben breathed in her sweet scent, and nearly almost finished just at the sight of Sadie like this. But he persevered and focused on her pleasure. He licked her wet folds again, and again, and Sadie felt a strange but delicious knot of pleasure in the pit of her stomach, something she remembered she felt before when Ben put his fingers inside her, but this was a different sensation because her hips bucked each time as if to say more, more, more… 

Ben held her thighs in place and continued to lap at her wetness, just enough until he heard Sadie gasp and pull on his locks of hair. She came over his face and was breathing heavily against her bed, her chest heaving. 

“Good lord, Ben,” Sadie said exasperated. 

“I enjoyed that very much,” Ben licked his lips and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, Sadie’s scent lingering on his skin. When she finally caught her breath, Ben took off the last of his breeches. Finally, they were both exposed together. Sadie looked at Ben’s hard cock and realized he’d be inside her soon, and she anticipated the feeling at first wouldn’t be pleasurable. 

Ben leaned down to kiss Sadie again, holding her tightly between his arms, another gesture to make sure she knew she was safe in his care. He closed his eyes and kissed her neck again, gently rocking his hard cock between her wet folds, covering his cock with her wetness. 

He hummed in pleasure as he felt the sensation become more slippery with each thrust. His cock was throbbing with pleasure, aching for relief. 

“I’m ready,” Sadie whispered as she caught Ben’s half-moon eyes. He clenched his jaw and swallowed hard. Sadie spread her legs wider and he aligned his cock with her opening. 

He was so, so very gentle and moved agonizingly slow as he attempted to push his cock into her tight cunt. Sadie held her breath and closed her eyes, and Ben watched as her face contorted with at first pain. Ben wanted to stop and pull out, even though only the tip of his cock managed to push in, but Sadie fluttered her eyes open and shook her head. 

“Keep going,” she breathed in an airy voice Ben wished he could play on repeat. He nodded and very tensely, continued to push his way inside her tight wetness, that feeling of relief slowly washing over his cock the further he went inside. Ben huffed a breath into her neck and Sadie cried out in pain at his hard cock stretching her so painfully but so sensually. It was nothing she ever expected it to be, this feeling of being full inside her cunt. She wanted more, so she spread her legs even more and Ben thrust inside her slowly, then all at once. 

They both moaned in tandem, Sadie in Ben’s ear and Ben resting his forehead on Sadie as he began to thrust slowly in her wet cunt. Goosebumps formed on his chest and Ben saw Sadie’s nipples harden, a sight that might’ve made him finish there but he quickly shut his eyes and opened them again to see Sadie’s face flushed, mouth open. 

“Mm,” she moaned lightly. Ben felt relief all over his throbbing cock now as he spread Sadie’s tightness and was coated with her wetness. He kept thrusting, slowly and then faster, pulling his hard cock completely out of her before pushing himself inside her again, this time much easier but still, her cunt clenched his cock in the most delicious way, he felt a knot form in his stomach, too. 

“Sadie,” Ben breathed, “you feel lovely.” He continued to thrust into her. Sadie couldn’t form a coherent thought because of how good Ben felt inside her—inside her. She arched her back to feel more of his hard cock hit a certain spot she didn’t know could be touched. She bit her lip and shut her eyes as Ben continued to hit the same spot over and over again. She hummed as his thrusts became faster, and the pain was no longer felt. 

“I love you,” Ben whispered as he felt Sadie’s orgasm about to come. He could tell by the way her cunt clenched him so tightly and her wetness was surely all over her bed now. Sadie opened her mouth and meant to speak, but instead, a light moan escaped her lips that again, almost made Ben combust but he wanted so badly for her to come first. 

“I love you,” Sadie squeaked as felt something burst in her cunt, a million different feelings of pleasure rolled and bucked her hips against Ben’s thrusting, and she shivered underneath him. Soon after her high, Ben thrust once more all the way inside her cunt before pulling all the way out, and she felt his warm seed pool over her stomach. 

Ben expertly reached into his jacket over the bed and found a random handkerchief to wipe his seed from Sadie’s stomach. She was still breathing heavily, as was Ben. She turned on her side and Ben kissed her shoulder, her arm, back and forth. When she finally caught her breath, Sadie spoke. 

“I don’t know what to say,” Sadie whispered. “I—I just feel good. In pain, slightly, but a good pain. I didn’t even know a good pain was such a thing.”

Ben chuckled and caressed Sadie’s face with the back of his hand. “I know.”

Sadie turned around to face him in bed. Ben brought her blankets over the both of them and waited for whatever it was Sadie was going to say. 

“Was that… was that your first, as well?” She asked. 

Ben felt a pang in his heart. No, it wasn’t his first. 

“No,” he answered truthfully. And in a matter of moments, a look of betrayal fell over Sadie’s face. Confusion. 

“No?” She asked. 

“I gave up my virginity a long, long time ago. Before I ever met you, Sadie. It was on a dare, and it was a terrible, terrible experience. It’s the reason why I wanted to wait for you—to touch you, to be with you like this. I didn’t want you to have a terrible experience and I wanted you to feel special. I wanted it to be meaningful. For how meaningful this was for me, it felt like it should’ve been my first.” 

Sadie listened carefully as he spoke—it wasn’t fair to be upset. She understood. 

“Okay,” Sadie said. “It was certainly special to me.” 

“This means so much to me,” Ben said, “you won’t ever understand the weight of this situation for me. God, Sadie, I love you. I can assure you that’s the first time I’ve ever said those words to anybody.”  

“You’re my first, and I certainly hope you’ll be my last, Ben.” 

Ben reached over Sadie’s shoulder and blew out the candle. Sadie’s room instantly filled with darkness, but no amount of darkness could keep out the light that was Sadie to Ben. She nuzzled closer to his chest and closed her eyes to sleep. Ben rested his chin on top of her head, and waited for her to fall asleep before he eventually let his eyes rest and fell asleep, too. 

[blackcharactertournament]

Black Character Tournament: Left Side!

adding a post break to make this more rebloggable

—

Chidi Anagonye | The Good Place vs Bow | She-Ra & the Princesses of Power

Marina Ida | Splatoon vs Youngblood Ra | Roleslaying with Roman

Barret Wallace | Final Fantasy VII vs Lunella Lafayette/Moon Girl | Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur

Lucas Sinclair | Stranger Things vs Gus Porte | The Owl House

Carole Stanley | Carole and Tuesday vs Garnet | Steven Universe

Aisha/Layla | Winx Club vs Carter Kane and Sadie Kane | The Kane Chronicles

Martha Jones | Doctor Who vs Death | Sandman (TV)

Finn | Star Wars vs Oluwande Boodhari | Our Flag Means Death

Leshawna | Total Drama vs Sonic the Hedgehog | Sonic the Hedgehog

Jodie Landon | Daria vs Helen Brand | Glass Onion

Wolf | Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts vs Benson | Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts

Mike Hanlon | IT (Steven King) vs Burton Guster | Psych

Flow | Roleslaying With Roman vs Nasuada | Inheritance Cycle/Eragon Trilogy

Jordan Hennessey | Dreamer Trilogy vs Ava Coleman | Abbott Elementary

Duke Thomas | DC Comics vs Mel Medarda | Arcane

Molly Blyndeff | Epithet Erased vs Michael Burnham | Star Trek Discovery

Neena Thurman (Domino) | Marvel comics / Deadpool 2 vs Nyota Uhura | Star Trek The Original Series

Gregory Eddie | Abbott Elementary vs Kipo Oak | Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts

Elena Amamiya | Star Twinkle Precure vs Simon Aumar | Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves

Karli Morgenthau | MCU: The Falcon and the Winter Soldier vs Enfys Nest | Star Wars: A Solo Story

Connor Hawke/Green Arrow | DC Comics vs Myla | One Last Stop

Winston Bishop | New Girl vs Khalil Harris | The Hate U Give

T'Challa | Black Panther vs Dr. Charlotte | Falsettos (Revival)

Gigi Thompson | Inside Job vs Isaiah | One Last Stop

Ivan Taylor | The Wilds vs Nathan Byrne | The Bastard Son & the Devil Himself

Miranda Bailey | Grey's Anatomy vs Essun | Broken Earth Trilogy

Agent 355 | Y : The Last Man vs Audacious Opportunity (A.O.) Rooke | Friends at the Table (Partizan)

OJ Haywood | Nope 2022 vs Nubia | Wonder Woman

Mr Nancy | American Gods vs Storm | X Men

Ambrose Spellman | Chilling Adventures of Sabrina vs Louis | The Walking Dead Game

Angela Moore | Boy Meets World vs Hilary Banks | The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

Junko Saotome | Nana vs Wes Gibbins | How to Get Away with Murder

Turk | Scrubs vs Wallace Fennel | Veronica Mars

Frozone | The Incredibles vs Kendra Young | Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Joelle Brooks | Dear White People vs Sans | Undertale

Anissa Pierce/Thunder | Black Lightning vs Koriand'r/Starfire | Titans (DC TV show)

Andre Harris | Victorious vs Sara | Over the Garden Wall

Samol | Friends at the Table vs Taion | Xenoblade Chronicles 3

Emerald Haywood | Nope (2022) vs Genly Ai | The Left Hand of Darkness

Sarah Miller | The Last of Us (TV) vs Pinkie Pie | My Little Pony

Muhammed Avdol | Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure vs Dr Foreman | House MD

Efi Oladele | Overwatch vs Jason Hauer | We only find them when they are dead

Bram Greenfeld | Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda / Love, Simon vs Zélie Adebola | Children of Blood and Bone

Nick Fury | Marvel vs Sam Wilson | MCU

Uniqua | The Backyardigans vs Alexx Woods | CSI Miami

Rue | Euphoria vs Bill Potts | Doctor Who

Nadine Ross | Uncharted series vs Jalil Sherman | Everworld

Baal (Valentine) | The Wicked + the Divine vs Jamal Saturday | Locke and Key (comics)

[wrestlersownmyheart]

“Chances Are” Ch. 13 (Book 2 In the “Chances” Series) Finn Bálor X OC

Pairing: Finn Bálor X Female OC Summary: After a traumatic childhood and a murder attempt that left her with a heart condition, Miracle Seanoa wants nothing more than to find some peace and fulfillment in her life. Working as a writer for WWE, she's shocked when Stephanie McMahon takes a gamble on her skills and assigns her to a new RAW roster member. None other than Finn Bálor—the man who'd long ago saved her life and captured her heart.

Finn Bálor left his career as a police officer behind in order to chase his true dream of becoming a professional wrestler. Working incredibly hard within NXT, he soon finds himself drafted to Monday Night RAW. He's shocked to see Miracle again, but even more shocked is he to see what a stunning woman she's become.

However, someone else has had his eye on Miracle for a long while. With his infatuation turning to a deep, dark obsession, he's not going to give up on her easily. Finn will have to resort to his past skills as a cop, to protect the woman he loves.

Because if her weakening heart doesn't kill her, her stalker just might... Disclaimers: I own nothing or anyone associated or affiliated with WWE. I own only the original characters. This is just a fictional story that came from my imagination.Chapter Content & Trigger Warnings: Stalkery behavior

Chapter 13

Miracle heard the moment her mother and Nathan drove up, and stepped out onto the porch. The wind rustled her flowy dress as she hurried to the car and helped Nathan with his overnight bag and then greeted their mother.

"It's so great to see you guys," she gushed, carrying Nathan's bag to the front door. "DId you have a nice flight?"

Ella nodded, "It was great." She looked around, noted that it was still daylight. "Nathan, you play on the swing set. The grownups are going to talk for a bit before dinner." Her voice was firm. Ella turned her attention to Miracle as the little boy headed for the swing set then. "What's this news, Miracle? You have me worried sick."

"But Daddy's not here yet," MIracle protested. "I don't want to-"

"He said it's okay to tell me, Miracle. I really need to know."

Miracle thought for a moment as they went into the house and settled the overnight bags in the guest rooms. "I guess I could go ahead and tell you. I…" She bit her lip and held back the news a moment more, unsure of how her mother would react.

"What is it, baby? You can tell me anything."

"I'm… I'm going to have a baby, Mama. I'm about two months pregnant."

For a moment, neither woman spoke, nor moved.

"Oh, my God," Ella gasped finally. "I… I don't know what to say."

"Say that you're happy for me." Miracle's eyes pleaded with her.

"Have you gone over all your options?"

Miracle nodded, "The only option is that I'm having the baby and keeping it."

Her phone rang then. "It's Daddy," she reported, answering the call. "Hi, Daddy."

"Hi, baby. Just letting you know that I'm on the road to the cabin. Stephanie McMahon let me film my promo earlier in the day and that freed me up for tonight. I'll be there in a matter of minutes."

"Okay, Daddy. See you when you get here."

She hung up and faced her mother. "He'll be here in a few minutes. He filmed his promo earlier in the day so he could be off for tonight. I'm scared Mama." She reached over and hugged her mom close. "What if he hurts Finn?"

"He won't," Ella assured her. "He'll talk a big talk, but at the end of the day he's going to be concerned about you more than anything."

"Tell me everything will be okay, Mama. Please?"

"Everything is going to be fine," Ella said, stroking her daughter's hair and hugging her even closer. "It will."

At that moment, Joe barged into the cabin with Nathan close behind. The two women jumped out of their skins.

"Daddy! You scared us!"

"Why was the door unlocked young lady," Joe demanded. "Anyone could have walked in here!"

Miracle flushed, "Sorry, Daddy. It was just that I was excited to see Mom and all. I usually have it locked." She smiled at him then, "Why don't we sit down and eat? I made chicken cacciatore."

"We can eat while you tell me the news you have," Joe said, moving to sit down at the dining table. "I was a nervous wreck the whole way here."

"Oh, Daddy," Miracle said, placing the entree onto the table. She went and got a bottle of red wine for her parents and iced tea for herself and Nathan. "Don't be so dramatic."

"What's the news," Joe asked, taking a sip of wine.

"Are you sure you don't want to eat a bit first? You must be starving," MIracle stalled.

"Or get some alcohol into your system," Ella added under her breath, as she took a sip of her own wine.

"What. Is. It?" Fear began to enter his voice then.

Miracle sighed, flipped her hair over her shoulder. "I'm… I'm pregnant, Daddy."

"FINN KNOCKED YOU UP!?"

"Daddy-"

"HE'S DEAD!"

"Daddy, stop it! You're scaring me!" Miracle cried.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry," Joe relented slightly, worried for his daughter. His eyes shot over to Nathan then. The little boy's eyes were glued to Joe and the Samoan felt horrible for frightening his children. "What are you going to do? What has your cardiologist said?"

"I only found out today. I don't know what he'll think, but it doesn't matter. I'm having the baby."

"But what if the labor kills you," Joe said, his voice rising again. "Don't you care what that would do to us?"

"This baby may have been made out of a one-sided love, but it was love nonetheless. I love Finn, and I'm not going to destroy what my love for him made! And that's it!"

"Baby, calm down," Ella advised, "It's not good for you or the baby to get so upset."

"But he's suggesting that I-"

"Nobody's suggesting anything," Ella cut in softly. "This is your choice. It has to be."

"Are you crazy," Joe demanded of Ella. "She can't have a baby! It'll kill her!"

"I can, and I will," Miracle said, her face paling drastically. She began to shake. "I'm not losing this baby!" She stood to her feet too quickly.

Big mistake.

She instantly fell in a dead faint, and hit the floor hard.

"JOE!" Ella screamed. "Do something!"

"Daddy! Help Mir'cle," little Nathan cried. Tears filled his large, dark eyes.

"Baby!" At the same moment of Ella's and Nathan's cries, Joe dove to Miracle's side and checked her pulse at her neck. "It's all over the place," he reported. He took her limp hand in his. "Baby, wake up. I'm sorry. Please."

"Miracle, please wake up, Honey," Ella said, settling on the other side of Miracle. She looked up at Joe. "Do you think we need to take her to the hospital?"

"No…" Miracle moaned in her now semi-unconscious state. "I'm… I'm f-fine…" She slowly opened her eyes to see her parents' worried faces looking down at her. "Help me to the sofa?" she asked weakly.

Immediately, Joe was lifting her up into his arms. "Baby, see? The pregnancy is already wreaking havoc on you." He carried her to the sofa and gently deposited her onto it. "How will you manage labor?"

"Plenty of women get dizzy and faint during pregnancy, Daddy. It can be normal. Especially if they're upset."

"I'm sorry," Joe said immediately. "I didn't mean to upset you. But I'm scared, baby."

"Fournier took enough from me-almost my life. He's not going to take my son or daughter too."

"Okay," Joe relented softly. "Okay. We'll support you, no matter what."

"I want… if I don't… If I don't make it… I want either Finn or y'all to have the baby. I realize Finn may not want it. And that's okay. I know y'all would be amazing parents to him or her."

"Baby... stop," Ella said, tears forming in her eyes. "We can talk about this another time. There is plenty of time."

Joe's eyes had reddened as well. "Yes. Another time. Please."

"I think a change of subject would do us good," Miracle said, moving to stand. Slowly this time. "Come on, we need to eat something. All of us."

Her parents guided her to the table to make sure she wouldn't drop again. Once Nathan was resettled in his seat as well, they began helping their plates.

"I know it's a little early, but do you have any ideas for baby names," Ella asked, serving herself some salad.

"No I haven't really. I'd like to use y'all's names as the middle name if I can make it work-Joel for a boy, Giselle for a girl," Miracle said. "But I haven't really thought of any for sure names."

"Are you going to try and make a relationship with Finn work," Joe asked, taking a bite of chicken cacciatore.

Miracle flushed.

"Hey I just need to know so I know whether or not to kill the father of my grandchild," he actually joked.

"I think I will, if he's serious about a relationship. And if he'll accept that I'm having the baby. I don't want to get played again."

"I don't actually think he was trying to play you," Joe surprised everyone by saying. "I don't know what was going through his head, but I don't think he was trying to be a cheater."

Miracle nodded. "I know. I feel the same way." She took a deep breath and let it out. "I think I'll call him later tonight. Invite him out here. Let him know about the baby. He has the right to know."

"Why don't you finish eating and invite him then? The sooner you get it done the better you'll feel about it," Ella suggested before forking up a bite of salad.

MIracle nodded. "I suppose you're right." She ate the last bites off her plate and then excused herself to the porch where she placed a call to Finn.

Ring-ring-ring

"Miracle? Is that you, love?"

She smiled at the eagerness in his voice. "Yes, it's me. Listen, I need you to come to my Uncle Jeff's cabin. It's where I've been staying."

"Are you okay? Has he found ya?"

"I'm fine. And no he hasn't found me. I just...have something I need to talk to you about and it can't really be done over the phone."

"Come on, lass. What is it? You have to tell me now."

"No. Please, just come to the cabin, Finn. I'll give you directions on how to get here. It's in Nashville."

"I'll come to you, but I want you to know that I could very well have a car accident because I'm so worried."

"Finn, don't do that to me," Miracle cried. "I really need to tell you in person. It's nothing to worry about, I promise."

"Yeah, okay," Finn said.

He sounded weary and Miracle felt badly. "Just get here soon, okay?"

"I'll get a flight out as soon as I get done hitting the showers. I promise."

"Okay. Be safe."

After saying their goodbyes, they hung up and Miracle got ready for bed after bidding her parents and Nathan goodnight, as she was somewhat drained from the day's events.

The parents and Nathan also went to bed soon after Ella and Joe cleaned the dining room and kitchen. They planned to leave early the next morning so that Miracle and Finn would have their privacy to talk.

"She's got a big day ahead of her," Ella said as they pulled back the covers on the guest bed. "I hope it goes well for her."

"Yeah and Finn better hope it goes well too, or he's gonna have me to answer to," Joe replied.

"Now, Joe, this is between them two. You can't interfere."

"If he tells my daughter he can't be with her because she got pregnant, I'm gonna let my feelings be known."

The couple climbed into bed and surprisingly fell asleep soon after, despite everything that was running through their minds.

}i{}i{}i{}i{}i{

Joe and Ella woke up at 4:15 A.M. and decided to get up and get going so that they'd be gone when Finn arrived.

"We might as well leave," Joe told Ella as they got out of bed. "Finn could be here any time, and we'll be all but forgotten," he joked.

"Our baby's in love, Joe," Ella said softly, with a smile on her face. "She's in love with a good man."

"That remains to be seen," Joe retorted, as he helped Ella make the bed.

They soon were getting their things together and getting Nathan out of bed and ready to go. Miracle wandered out from her bedroom and wished them good morning. "You guys don't have to leave so early," she told them, her dark eyes showing her fatigue. "I wouldn't mind you being here when Finn arrives."

"You need to talk to him privately," Joe said, "And if I'm here at the time, it would be anything but private."

Miracle giggled, "Daddy, you're such a papa bear."

"You're right." Joe agreed, packing up the last of his things. "When it comes to my family, especially."

"Yes," Ella said, also packing. "He's unstoppable. Thank God." She gave him a meaningful stare and he instantly knew she was referring to hers and Miracle's kidnappings years before.

"Yes, thank God," Miracle agreed.

Flushing slightly, Joe cleared his throat. "Is Nathan packed up and ready to go?"

"Yes, he actually left everything in his suitcase," Ella replied, with a smile. "I don't know where he learned his neat-freak ways, but I am grateful for them nonetheless.

"Neat-freak," Miracle joked, "He's just too lazy to unpack!"

"Hey, he's only six. Lighten up," Joe said of his son.

The family had a quick breakfast together then and Joe loaded the luggage into both his rental and Ella's rental. "You have a safe flight, yeah?" Joe told Ella, kissing her softly on the mouth.

"I will, and you have a safe flight too," she said, returning his kiss.

"Will do, lo'u alofa. Will do."

"Bye Daddy. Bye Mom. Bye Nate." Miracle bid farewell to her family and stayed outside on the rustic porch swing for a while after they'd left. She breathed in the fresh air and smiled. She had her family's support. Now all she needed was Finn's.

After enjoying the clean, fresh air and relaxing a bit, she stood to her feet and entered the cabin. Unbeknownst to her a dark pair of eyes stared in her direction and watched every move she made.

He remained where he was for a couple more hours hoping that he'd see another glimpse of her. But when he did he was not happy.

A car flew up into the cabin's driveway and out jumped Finn Bálor.

A second later, Miracle was on the porch, a huge smile lighting up her pretty face. Her braid flew over her shoulder as Finn ran up to her and swooped her up into his arms.

And then his mouth was on hers.

Mine, he thought. She's mine. His fists clenched at his sides, his fingernails digging into his palms till he drew blood.

He seethed as Miracle failed to push Finn Bálor away, but rather seemed to pull him closer.

Should be me, he thought, watching as the couple proceeded to make out on the porch. After a few moments, they were scrambling inside the cabin and closing the door behind them.

Slut, he thought to himself. She's no different to any other woman. She needs to pay.

And pay, oh, she will...

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[spaceorphan18]

X-Men 97 Episodes 1 and 2 Review

Okay! My thoughts on the new X-Men Animated series on Disney+

I'm going full on spoiler-y, so I'll put it under a cut

Okay - so over all tone/atmosphere/nostalgia stuff...

I think they did a really good job recapturing the feel of the original animated show. I'm not sure I love the throw back to the messier animation style, but it works. It's also more adult, too -- there's more explicit violence, and the adult themes are a little more present. I'm sure it was intentional because I think this is made, less for actual kids, and more for people who grew up with the original show who are now adults.

I think the second episode was stronger than the first. The first felt a lot like, not even a where are they now, but a - let's throw back to sentinels and the issues at hand. And. Meh. I've never been a fan of the sentinels. I did like the second episode kind of expanding and exploring the world more. I think it set the stage, more, for the show that they want to do....

The Introduction of Sunspot: I've never been a huge fan of the New Mutants (I'm sorry!) but his incorporation of being a young mutant new to this world worked really well. I kind of loved his attitude and his energy did exactly what it needed to!

Jubilee: Oh, she was so annoying in the original -- so it was nice to see she wasn't in this. She works for me, and I'm curious as to what they do with her - as she's the only one who didn't really get a trajectory spelled out for them.

(Also as an aside - there are new voice actors and I think they all do a really great job.)

Beast: I don't think he got much to do, either, but he was his delightful self. I really hope he continues to add a great flavor to the show.

Bishop: It's nice that he's now included -- but I wish they would have done more with him!

Morph: Was really there for all the cameos and sometimes comic relief.

It makes me super curious as to who else will show up in this show. I hope they don't try to cram everyone into this first season...

Which reminds me.... Professor X is still in the opening credits. But he died in the previous series. So.... ??

Wolverine: I'm so grateful that he wasn't front and center. I get so tired of Wolverine-centric things, and they included him very much as a team member. I still kind of eye roll the lusting after Jean thing, but one of my favorite moments is him figuring out that Jean is in labor.

Cyclops: Oh ole Cyke with all of his demons. But they made him so much more interesting than in the original series where he was so dull and dry. And they did some interesting things with this powers, so I'm curious as to where they go with this...

Jean: Look, if you guys know the original show, you know how annoying Jean Grey was. It took me really reading the comics to have an appreciation for her, because she was by far my least favorite part of the show. She just... was so useless most of the time. And I was grateful that they've made her less so here but....

The twist: OMG THAT'S ANOTHER JEAN GREY AT THE DOOR WHAT??? Look, guys, I was surprised when they had her give birth so early, but they're doing the whole Cyclops/Jean/Madilyn Pryor/baby Nathan mess and I am so here for it. I have my popcorn ready because it's such a disaster and yes, please give me all the clone drama. Because I find it hilarious. And I have no personal care about how it works out....

Storm: My girl! MY GIRL! I love Storm so much, and she really shines in this. She is so. good. And then she loses her powers, and they're doing what the original show did -- referencing the comics in a big way. There's a whole arc about Storm losing her powers (though that was during the 80s) but it was so good for her character development. I'm super curious if they're going to let Storm go through that same journey as in the comics.

And as an aside - I kind of wonder if they're going to let each of the characters (or group of characters) have their own focus? That is how the old show worked. Hmmmm....

Gambit: Is going through his 90s slutty fashion phase and I love that for him.

(More on him in a minute.)

Magneto: *side-eyes* Okay. ... Okay. They did the whole Trail of Magneto thing, and I think where they're going is interesting. it works. But there's going to be a flip at some point. I mean, y'all know that is coming.

I just... whatever. You know what I'm going to say, I will get there...

Rogue: My dear love Rogue.

I didn't love her delivering the baby -- that's not how... oh whatever. Her powers are often nebulous.

That's not what you want to hear me talk about anyway.

Okay, guys, okay.... here's my thing. I get it. I get it i get it i get it. But of all the things they've decided to resurrect from the comics -- the love triangle from hell -- the very reason I stopped comics for half a decade, i just... okay.

So. Yes. Rogue and Magneto had a fling in the comics. Once very briefly before Gambit was even created. And one very tedious time later when I decided I didn't have to read such crap and stopped reading comics all together until Rogue dumped his ass and came back to the X-Men (it's... a very long story).

I get the why here -- Rogue's story has always been her powers and controlling them and longing to touch, etc, etc. It's one of the reasons I liked her so much originally. There was a tragedy there.

I do think it's kind of weird that they retconned a previous relationship when there wasn't one in XMen TAS. But it is comics accurate. And there's a full story about Rogue figuring her shit out. I get what they're setting up here. (I mean -- unless they throw us a complete curveball and go the Age of Apocalypse time line where Magneto and Rogue are married -- but I don't think they will? If they did, I probably would let this go because I couldn't with this.)

I don't love it. I've made my peace with the fact that it is a thing that happened in the comics. And it helps that Rogue and Gambit have been happily married for the past six years (and that's a long time in comic years) and have put all of this past stuff behind them.

If the story plays out the way I'm sure it will, then I'll ultimately be fine with it. I did like the smaller moments we did get between Rogue and Gambit. There's definitely a connection there. And they're definitely pulling the whole love triangle thing with Gambit seeing stuff at the end of episode 2.

I just... don't want him to be a sad sack through the rest of the series. And I don't want Rogue's entire story to be about her relationship with two men. All of these characters deserve better than this.

But -- overall, I did like the show. I'm curious to see what they do with it. And just hope they don't try to cram too much into it - because they do have a ton of characters and a lot to service.

What did you guys think??

I may have to rethink our friendship if any of y'all are rooting for Rogue and Magneto. But <3 <3 anyway.

[acradelius]

| CREEPYPASTA MASTERLIST |

Creepypasta Masterlist

Welcome to the Creepypasta Masterlist. Here contains the characters that I'll be willing to write about, and then some. For the time being this list probably won't be updated, as I'm haven't been actively search for new Creepypasta to write about. I also won't particularly be writing these characters based on their original stories, especially the character Offender.

Zalgo

Slender

Offender

Trendor

Spendor

Tim Wright

Brian Thomas

Kate The Chaser

Ticci Toby

Jeff The Killer

Homicidal Liu / Sully

BEN Drowned

Eyeless Jack

Sally Williams

Cody (X-Virus)

The Puppeteer 

Nathan The Nobody

The Doll Maker

Zero 

Clockwork

Jane The Killer

Kagekao

Miscellaneous:

Silistarian + Mimic! Operator AU

Silistarian ft. Young Justice

SCP Crossover AU

[southernswampmamma]

Magic Man: Chapter One

Original! Male Character x Original! Black Female Character

Chapter Warnings: None, atm. Slow Burn

Summary: Yolana Humphry spent her entire life stuck in Tapioca, Alabama, under the thumb of her controlling Aunt Freda. That is, until a stranger comes along and swoops her off her feet. A charming man, that everyone but herself seems to know; who easily bypasses her fragile walls and embeds himself in her heart. Escape, however, doesn’t seem to be the end of Yolana’s journey. With her newfound freedom, she now has the opportunity to pursue something she never thought she could obtain.

Chapter Summary: Nathan returns to Tapioca, Alabama, after 13 years away. Yolana walks 50 feet away from her enclosure and regrets it.

I try to be very inclusive with my stories, even if I write in an original female character. So, though she has a name, the only characteristic known is that she is black.

I also plan to write stories for everyone, not just a specific race!

Chapter One

Tapioca, Alabama

It was a bright and windy Friday evening in Tapioca, Alabama. With the wind blowing through his medium length hair, Nathan Bard knew it was a good idea to go helmet-less on the last few miles of his journey. With the breeze flowing through his button up, he felt refreshed to be back in a town he hadn’t seen since his early twenties. Back then, the small town he once called home was quieter and miles away from a single cell tower. The roads were made of red dirt and there were very few cars on the road. However, now, the small town has expanded, though still small and still very much quiet. The former red dirt roads were now paved and the town shopping center that he was currently driving through was filled with a few big chain stores like Dollar General and Subway. Though keeping its small-town charm, the Tapioca Shopping Center was still littered with small businesses, even the same small businesses he used to frequent as a young adult. Ben’s Pizza was in its original spot next to the coin laundry and Diana’s Devine Nails salon was still in business, though she seems to have had some success, for the little shop had expanded and taken over two spaces. Nathan thought it would be a good idea to give old Diana a visit and congratulate her. Nathan rode a steady 15 mph through the streets, taking his time basking in the nostalgia of it all. With a big smile on his face, he looked like a giant kid on his motorcycle. He passed by a few ladies on his way out of the mall. They were walking with their coffees in one hand and shopping bags littered their arms. They were laughing amongst themselves, but stopped when he rode by. Nathan gave them a charming nod and wave; they returned with flirtatious hellos. He winked at them and moved on, speeding onto the highway.

It didn’t take long for Nathan to pull into the long driveway of his former home. The fresh gravel crunching under his bike wheels as he rode down the long path. The last time he was down here there weren’t this many trees, but of all the times his grandfather visited him in Tennessee, Nathan remembered a few times the old man mentioned a new collection of trees. Elijah Bard had lived in Tapioca for 40 years, knows the town like the back of his hand and the town’s people loved him. With Elijah came new opportunities for the town. With his money and connections, he brought the town a more modern look, well as modern as a 1985 small town can get back then. Nathan was sure Tapioca’s new look was credited to his grandfather’s checkbook as well. Because of Elijah’s help, the town’s people loved him, and Elijah loved them back. The community even wanted to elect him mayor, but Elijah declined, stating politics wasn’t his thing.

After the canopy of trees, was an iron gate covered in vines. It was always open although it was full functioning. There was no need to shut it if he constantly had visitors. Beyond the gate was where the front yard starts. Nathan drove over the stone path, bypassing the rich green grass and shrubbery towards the back where the garage was. He pulled in next to his grandfather’s Buick, cutting the engine and hopping off. Before he did anything else, he reached for the sky, stretching his limbs before bending down to the ground to touch his boots. He made sure he took his time coming back up so that his blood circulated at an even pace. After a huff, he un-clipped his side and back luggage, hefting it over his shoulder before making his way into the house. It’s no surprise to Nathan that the door was already unlocked. His grandfather never thought to lock them, stating the neighborhood was safe enough. He stepped through the threshold, stomping his feet on the mat before proceeding inside the house. Nathan looked around the foyer; everything is how he left it thirteen years ago. The room was bright from the natural lighting emitting from the skylight that also brought a soft breeze from it being opened ajar. The red brick walls, accompanied by a single pastel blue wall, blended well with the earth and wood tones of the room. Every wall was littered with painted still lives of flowers, even a still life of the very foyer it hung in. That one was new. Nathan guessed his grandfather had completed that painting not too long ago.

Elijah Bard, lover of nature and the arts, people could tell by the way he kept his home. With potted plants and flowers in every corner, to the array of patterned rugs and furniture that adorned every room, anyone who entered the home could tell who Elijah was and what he loved. “Things” were everywhere; they sat on every surface, every corner. These “things” were various sizes, shapes, and colors. Some of them had meaning, some of them didn’t, but all of them belonged. There wasn’t a single “thing” in the house that didn’t feel right. None of the furniture matched, but they all seemed to fit each other. All in all, the look of the home was all over the place, but it all came together. From the foyer to the bedrooms, in all bathrooms and washrooms, it all felt like home. Nathan stepped away from the entrance, making his way to his bedroom. He’s sure his grandfather was there somewhere. He followed his usual path to his bedroom. Up the stairs, around the corner, past the creepy toilet room, and down the hall across from the old stove he never sold. Nathan opened the door to his old bedroom. Like everything else, it was untouched, save for the fresh sheets and newly painted walls. It was the only bedroom upstairs, which he loved when he was a kid. The only rooms that were upstairs other than his room where one full bathroom, one half bathroom with just a toilet and nothing else, and His grandfather’s art room, which had to be moved downstairs due to his grandfather’s age. Now the room had become a storage room.

He sat his bags down at the foot of the bed and took off his boots. He spread his toes around before rolling his ankles back and forth. Nathan departed soon after though to go find his grandfather, but after not seeing him around the house, the garden, or the small farm off to the side of the land, Nathan gave up and assumed he was out for the day. However, he didn’t fret. He was sure he could find something to do while he waited for his granddad, something most likely in the kitchen.

It wasn’t too long before a shiny black Ram pickup truck rolled its way up to the garage, not necessarily knowing the vehicle, but recognizing the people in it, Nathan shot up from the bench swing he was sitting in on the patio. He discarded the half watermelon he was eating out of onto the seat next to him and made his way towards the vehicle. A tall man with sandy blonde hair and an abundance of freckles on his face hopped out of the vehicle first. Nathan recognized him as Thomas, Elijah’s caretaker. The man was tall, but shorter than Nathan. He was built, however, probably from all the manual labor. Nathan wiped his hands on his shirt to get rid of the watermelon juice before bringing his hand into Thomas’s awaiting one. They gave a steady shake of hands before standing back to greet one another.

“How ya doin’, sir?” Thomas said, putting his hands on his hips. Nathan folds his arms over his chest, looking down at the man.

“Well, I’m doing fine. It’s nice to finally meet you in person.”

“Yes, sir it is!” Thomas makes his way around the truck to help Elijah out from the passenger side. “Sorry we weren’t here for your arrival sir; we got stuck in the ceramics isle again.” Thomas opened the passenger door revealing another tall man, though shorter than both men due to age.

“They’re getting real creative with their pottery nowadays.” The older man boomed from the vehicle.

Nathan’s blue eyes landed on the older pair of hazel eyes, his heart bouncing in his chest at the familiar face of his grandfather. The two men had identical grins aimed at each other, both happy to see one another.

“Grandad!” Nathan exclaims. Once Thomas moved out of the way, Nathan swallowed his grandfather in a cheerful embrace before he could even step one foot out of the truck. Elijah hugged his grandson back, very amused and delighted. When Nathan had his fill, he removed himself and helped his grandfather out of the vehicle.

Once the old man was standing on his own two feet, Nathan gave him a good once over. Elijah was still a tall man at 91, even with a slight hunch. His cropped hair was snow white, as well as his beard. His eyes were still bright with life, mirroring his wide smile. Today he wore a striped blue and gray button up tucked in a pair of dark stone dress pants. On his feet, he wore a pair of dark Vans to match his pants. Thomas came around the back with a cane in his hands, handing it to the old man.

“Thank you, Thomas.” Elijah handed Nathan a white ceramic pot, beautifully decorated with recessed divots. “How was your trip? Did your ass get sore on that thing?” Elijah said, referring to Nathan’s motorcycle. He walked toward his garage door, his cane leading the way.

“Actually, no, I took a few breaks to stretch my ass cheeks.” Nathan said cheekily. That got a strong “Hah” from his grandfather’s mouth. “It’s actually not that bad to ride on for long distance trips.” Nathan followed behind his grandfather, only stepping in front of him to open the door to the foyer.

“Nathan, I can hardly believe riding for hours on that thing is even comfortable or good for you.” Exclaimed Elijah.

“It is, I’m telling you. Look, let me take you out for a ride, Pop, then you could see for yourself.” Nathan said.

“I decline. I’m not fit for it anymore, Nate.”

Nathan was a little disappointed and Elijah could tell by the man’s silence.

“Maybe. There is a little get together happening tomorrow that I would like to attend. You could drive me there if the weather permits it.” Elijah said, gaining a smile from Nathan.

Thomas entered the home a few minutes after them; carrying some bags. He deposited some of them down the hall and some in the kitchen. After a second of helping his grandfather sit in a nearby rocking chair, Nathan went to help Thomas with the rest of the things in the truck. It seemed that Elijah and Thomas came home from a trip to the local hardware store with all the soil and plants that Nathan had to withdraw from the vehicle. However, there was more than vegetation, there was spackle, grout, a tile cutter with tile spacers, caulk with caulk gun, and in the truck bed, a whole pallet worth of tiles. Seemed as if one of the bathrooms were getting ret-tiled. Nathan will be sure to ask Thomas if he could help later.

The two men returned to the foyer where Elijah still was seated, eating an orange. After throwing Thomas an orange, he rewarded his helper with the rest of the evening off. Thomas bid both men a good evening before leaving for his quarters in the back of the house towards the farm.

“Thomas been treating you well, Pop?” Nathan asked, peeling his own orange. Elijah nodded, busy with his fruit.

“A very well-mannered young man.”

“You been treating him well in turn?” Nathan asked.

Elijah snapped his head up to his grandson. “Well, I treat him quite nice, if I do say so myself.” Nathan chuckles at his grandfather’s reaction. “I gave him the ole pool house to home in. He has everything he needs in there. It’s like a mini apartment in there, full kitchen and everything.”

“You don’t have to try and convince me.”

“I’m not trying to.” Elijah whined. Nathan tried to hide his smirk, but his playful demeanor could never be hidden well. Elijah noticed quickly and put his orange down on his lap. “Nathan, your sister has informed me of the definition of ‘Gaslighting’.” Nathan burst with laughter. “I don’t appreciate it.” Elijah’s eyes crinkled with amusement.

“I’m playing, Pop.” Nathan threw away his peels. “I’m going to hop in the shower, then we can go get some dinner and talk business.” He ran up the stairs, voice getting less and less coherent.

“Yeap!” said the old man.

Yolana was not supposed to be over there. Yolana definitely was not supposed to be drinking what she was currently drinking. But there she was sipping on a spicy brown drink Mrs. Henderson handed her as soon as she ran across the street. Yolana was minding her own, transferring her drafted maze onto watercolor paper to be water colored when she saw movement in her peripheral. Mrs. Henderson, who really isn't a Mrs. anymore, was outside with a glass of wine in her hand watering her bushes. The short older woman was one of many old widowed women in the neighborhood, but she was by far Yolana’s favorite neighbor. Though Mrs. Henderson was nearly into her 80's, it made no difference to Yolana. The old woman acted no older than twenty years old. She dressed in bright colors, listened to the newest pop songs, and could out drink a frat house of men. Yolana asked what made her so vivacious, the white haired senior recalled all her years in the service as a army nurse, then eventual marriage to her late army sergeant husband. She said her years of following the rules and living under someone else are over. Now she drinks whenever she wants, talks to whoever she wants to talk to, and lives the life she always dreamed to live as a young black woman in the 60’s. Yolana couldn't lie, she was jealous. The fact that she had to sneak across the street just to see her neighbor is proof enough that she could be a little bit more liberated.

Mrs. Henderson waved her over once their eyes connected, as soon as she saw it, Yolana moved from her chair, ran down the stairs, and jogged over to her.  After that, the old lady stowed Yolana away in her home, feeding her leftovers and pouring her something strong in a rock glass. The two were sitting in Mrs. Henderson’s brightly colored living room, soaking their feet in tubs of hot water while sipping on their drinks. New York Medicine, one of Mrs. Henderson’s favorite shows was playing on the television while they sat.

“Look, at, him. He is gorgeous.” Mrs. Henderson pointed a manicured pinky at the television. The man displayed was an older man with a head of white hair and a black mustache. He was a doctor, and though he was a handsome older man, Yolana was more interested in the younger, more fit surgeon, Doctor Ogram.

“He’s good looking, but Doctor Ogram looks much better.” Doctor Ogram was a tall caramel colored man with cropped black hair and light brown eyes.

“Oh honey, he is something to look at too, don’t get me wrong, but Doctor Rowan got that sophistication that just oozes off of him. You youngling’s wouldn’t understand.”

“But Ogram has southern charm.” Mrs. Henderson could basically see the hearts in Yolana’s eyes.

“Oh, I forgot, you like Good Ole Boys.”

Yolana laughed.

“Ogram is not a Good Ole Boy Mrs. Henderson.” Yolana giggled around her drinking glass. Mrs. Henderson added more hot water to her tub. She handed the kettle to Yolana who did the same.

“He is a good ole boy, just your type. You remember that boy you had a crush on when you were in high school? Good Ole Boy. Or that son of a preacher that you couldn’t keep your eyes off of when he visited the church last year? He was a Good Ole Boy as well.” Mrs. Henderson took the kettle back from Yolana. “That’s your type!”

Yolana sat up, taking a good look at Mrs. Henderson. She wanted to say something, she wanted to dispute the old woman’s claims about her tastes, but after a second thought, she sat back. “But, when you think of Good Ole Boys, you don’t think of Doctor Ogram.”

“Good ole boys aren’t just white, Baby. That Preacher’s son was a good ole boy as well, though he was black.”

The tv turned to a commercial break, so Mrs. Henderson decided then would be a good time to steer the conversation to another subject. “How has it been over there sweetie?”

Yolana drunk the last of her glass, deciding that one glass is enough for her. She never knew what Mrs. Henderson would give her to drink, but her trust in the lady never made her question her. Yolana answered her stating that everything was fine. She noticed the look that Mrs. Henderson gave her.

“You have been cooped up in that house for weeks, you only leave for work. You never really come over here anymore.”

Yolana looked down at her empty glass. “I just haven’t been really up to going anywhere.” Yolana responded.

Mrs. Henderson sucked her teeth. “Let me try again. Your aunt has had you cooped up for weeks, she only lets you go to work. You never really sneak over here anymore.”

Yolana should have known not to try and bullshit with Mrs. Henderson.

“What’s going on over there, Honey?”

Yolana relented. “I don’t know, she’s stressed so she’s been really anal as of late.”

“She probably needs some dick.”

Yolana snaped her head to Mrs. Henderson in disbelief. “Ew! Why would you say that?” Yolana exclaimed. Mrs. Henderson cackled.

“What? Your aunt aint had none in 15 years.”

“Aunt Freda and Uncle Belvin divorced 5 years ago.”

“Yea, and your uncle aint had none in 20.”

Yolana could not believe the words that were coming from Mrs. Henderson’s mouth. Though her words were filthy, and the thought of Yolana’s Aunt and Uncle’s sex life were far from her mind, Yolana couldn’t help but slip out a few laughs at Mrs. Henderson’s silly remarks. It could have been the liquor. Yolana’s light weight nature allows her to quickly loosen up. However, it was easy to start a laughing fit around Mrs. Henderson.

“So, what has she been stressing about lately?” Mrs. Henderson asked.

Yolana shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know. I hear her mumbling about people calling her all the time. She looks around a lot when she steps out of the car.”

“Maybe there is a hit out on her.” Mrs. Henderson said, mouth halfway into her glass. Yolana chuckles.

“Maybe Mrs. Henderson, Maybe.”

 Yolana ended up staying over Mrs. Henderson's house for the reminder of the day. After watching their shows and playing a few games of mahjong, The two of them ended up reorganizing Mrs. Henderson storage shed in the back of the house. The time had passed quickly, and Yolana didn't notice until the house alarm went off telling the occupants that someone was at the front door. That's when it hit her and she looked down at her watch to confirm her suspicions. It was 5:10, PM her aunt was home.

"Well, shit!”  Mrs. Henderson stole the words right out of Yolana’s mouth. Though, the woman sat down the box she was holding and snatched off the gloves she was wearing and stomped to the front door. Yolana followed behind her, softly pleading to her to not cause a scene. Her pleads fell upon deaf ears. Mrs. Henderson yanked the door open staring down the woman on the other side with a heated glare.

"How may I help you?" The words were sweet but the way they were delivered was anything but.

 The woman on the other side was a taller woman and average weight for a woman of 58 years. She stood up straight showing off her stature. She had wide shoulders that lead down to tapered hips, long legs that seem to be most of her height, and her bosom was large. She had her hair styled in a way that made her look sophisticated. It was wavy with highlighted streaks with a part of it covering one eye. It added to her already intimidating aura. Mrs. Henderson didn't seem intimidated however. The woman who was far shorter than the other outside her door stood to her unfazed.

 Freda Friday flicked her hair from her face taking a step forward before crossing her arms.

 “Where is Yolana?”

 Mrs. Henderson put one hand on her hip. “I don't know probably somewhere minding her business.”

  Freda gave Mrs. Henderson a scalding look. Her lips pressed tightly eyes unamused. Mrs. Henderson saw the woman's eyes move from her own to the space behind her.

 "Yolana Humphrey get back across the street.”  Freda said nudging her head behind her. Miss Henderson heard shuffling behind her back and snapped her head back to see Yolana putting her trash away before heading towards the door. "Now Freda what the hell is wrong with her being over here? She is a grown ass woman you can't be demanding her like that!”

  "Juanita, Yolana is grown but if she's going to continue to live under my roof, I think I can do whatever I want. “

 "It must be really easy for you to lie to yourself like that. Rich, coming from you when you know she's stuck with you!"

  Once Yolana saw the older woman’s hands start flailing around in anger she knew it was time to intervene. She stepped behind Mrs. Henderson and placed her hands on the woman’s shoulders.

"Mrs. Henderson please calm down. Yolana said, softly.”

 “No! I’m sick of this!”

 "Mrs. Henderson.” Yolana reiterated. The old woman looked in her pleading eyes. Yolana could see her calm down, not by much, but just enough to step to the side to let her exit the home.

She watched Yolana pass the threshold, then pass her aunt, not bothering to even say anything to her. With a roll of her eyes, Freda turned to walk away and Mrs. Henderson, trying to calm down, just shook her head and slammed the door shut. That's not the last she saw of Yolana however, she made sure to watch over her through her side window as she crossed the street. Once she made it inside and the door shut behind her and Freda, Yolana got ready for the inevitable speech.

 "I told you to stop sneaking over there. I'm tired of telling you."

 Yolana wanted to respond, maybe tell her to stop wasting her breath then, but she knew better. Her aunt might be stressed as of late, but she's not at her worst, so Yolana can be grateful for that. She kept her mouth shut, instead opting for a silent nod.

 “I won’t be telling you again.” Freda warned. Yolana nodded her head only moving for the stairs when she saw Freda retreat towards her bedroom. "Acting just like your mother.

Thank you for reading! Critiques are welcome, but be nice. Its a slow start, so it might be boring (we all know how slow burns go).

[bisexualnathanyoung]

Throw This Away (If You Don’t Want to Talk About It).

Word Count: 1.5k 

Can’t think of any specific warnings besides talking about dick for a couple of sentences and one prostitution joke, but if anybody finds any more let me know. (I also added a little picture I made of what the note might look like, so that’s there.)

Mel has some time to herself in the morning and decides to write a note to Nathan.

I wanted to go back to sleep, but I couldn’t. I was stuck, staring at the ceiling. I was thinking about the dream I’d just woken up from. I dreamt about Nathan. I’d dreamt about him all the time. It wasn’t a sexy dream. It wasn’t a scary dream. I dreamt that he told me he loved me. It was so simple, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I laid there for a while before the alarm went off. I finally got up to get ready for work. I finished getting ready and still had too much time on my hands. 

I went into the living room, and there he was, sleeping soundly on the little bed that hid inside the sofa. He had his arms wrapped around his pillow and was snuggled under the blanket. 

He was so beautiful. Maybe he was some stupid, gross kid or just a lost young man relying on a hint of charm and unwarranted confidence he used as a shield. He was more than that to me. 

On the surface, letting him move in was a stupid, stupid idea, but he had nowhere to stay. I didn’t set out to open Mel’s home for wayward arseholes, but it quickly turned into me needing him as much as he needed me. We were both so lonely, and there was a joy I felt when I was around him that I couldn’t compare to anything else. I really, truly loved him, and I wasn’t ready to admit it. 

I sighed. I still had half an hour before I had to head to work. I thought about turning on the telly, but I didn’t want to disturb him.

 I stared at the wall and kept thinking about how close we’d gotten. I kept thinking about how he’d flirt with me. I thought about how we already kissed. I thought about all of these little moments in our flat. I wanted to tell him how I felt. I wasn’t going to blurt out that I loved him. I wasn’t even ready to admit that to myself. I just wanted so badly to be more than friends. He was mine, and I wanted everyone else to know that, but I was so scared. I was scared of the rejection. I was scared of the expectations. 

I shook my head and pulled my notebook out of my bag and began to doodle. 

I’d filled half the page with hearts. 

Oh, this is stupid. 

I turned the page and began to write something else. 

Hey, 

Hopefully I’ll be at work by the time you see this. Unless I haven’t finished it, and you’ve stolen my bag and journal. Which is also a possibility. 

I’ve never been great at knowing what to say. I just needed to tell you something. To tell you something without you interrupting or treating it like a joke. That isn’t me trying to be mean. It’s just sometimes I never know what to do with you. 

I know how to talk to you. You know how to talk to me. But not about this. I don’t know why I can’t just say how I feel. We’re best friends. I feel like I’ve known you forever. I trust you. We’ve talked about other stuff. 

But we laugh about all that stuff too. Stuff we’re not supposed to laugh about. Stuff I’ve only told you. 

It’s okay if we joke about people who hurt us other people. I’m just sensitive about this, and I’m scared you’re going to laugh at me without thinking. I’m sensitive about all of it. 

I think you’re so cute and sweet and funny, and I’ve never stopped thinking about that kiss. Every day 

I want to kiss you again so bad. It feels like you’re all I want. I really like you. I don’t know if you like me too or if it’s all a joke. I’d almost rather it all be a joke than you’d only want to sleep with me and not like me as a person. 

If you really do want to have sex with me, I don’t think I’m ready for that. And I have no idea if you’d be okay with that. I’d rather get to know you more first. Kiss. Touch. Love. 

It just feels like you’d laugh at a girl that says shit like that. That’s why I’m writing this. I could never say that out loud. I’m not some prudish little flower. 

I’m just scared. I’m scared you’ll run away. I’m scared you’ll laugh in my face as soon as we’re naked together. There’s part of me that tells me you’d never do that, but I don’t know if I should believe it. I’ve never had sex before, and the times I’ve gotten close weren’t great. I’m not inexperienced. I’ve seen dicks before, and I know my own body.  If you want a BJ or a handy, just ask. Or don’t. I’ve never tried to be friends with benefits with anyone either. I just want you to like me. 

I really want to be your girlfriend. I just don’t think you’d ever go for a girl like me. I’m not half as tough as you think I am. I still think you’re incredible. I love being around you. 

 You can just throw this away if you don’t want to talk about it. 

Mel 

I read it, and then read it again. And then read it a third time. Crossing out words. Rewriting sentences. Starting a new page. Crossing out that one too. 

I had it near perfect, then I read it again. I gently tore it out of my notebook and gently taped two pages together. I looked it over again. I started to fold it. 

My eyes shot back over to him as he made a small mixture of a moan and a groan. I stood there frozen as he kicked the blanket off. I was fully prepared for him to get up, snatch the note out of my hand, and then I’d have to run away. Forever maybe. 

But that’s not what happened. He didn’t even open his eyes. 

I probably should’ve looked away when his legs fell open. I wasn’t supposed to immediately look at the outline of his morning wood or notice the way those briefs couldn’t contain his pubes. I also didn’t want to notice the way my chest started to feel like it was on fire. 

I immediately crinkled the note into a ball in my hand. 

I watched him reach down, scratch his balls, then go back to spooning his pillow. 

I looked at the ruined note in my hands and sighed. I shoved it in my pocket to throw away and maybe burn at work. 

Nathan made another noise. I grabbed a pad of sticky notes, wrote “U R DUMB,” and smacked it on his forehead. 

He finally opened his eyes, “Owwww, what the fuck?” He pulled the sticky note off his forehead, read it, and set it to the side, “what’d I do this time?” 

I smirked and shrugged, “left the toilet seat up.” 

He wiped his eyes as he sat up, then yawned, “god forbid I forget to put the toilet seat down after stepping over four pairs of knickers, three shirts, a pair of jeans, and a towel because you can’t remember what a laundry basket is.” 

I continued to bully him, “when’s the last time you took a shower? You smell like feet.” 

He knit his eyebrows in offense and confusion, “yesterday!” He lifted his arm up and sniffed before pulling something out from under the covers. He pulled out a sports bra I’d left in there from last night when I’d taken it off without taking off my shirt. 

He lifted it up, “you’re probably smellin’ this. Smells like a skunk’s arsehole.” He threw it at me. 

I smacked it to the side. 

He stretched and ran a hand through his hair, “anyway, the fuck’d you wake me up for?” 

“Just letting you know I’m going t’ work,” I said. 

“Oh,” he said, “good. We need money. We’re out of everything.” 

“Did you look at the flyers I grabbed from the community centre?” I asked. 

“Yeah,” he said, a bit defeated, “nobody’s interested.” 

“Well,” I responded, “you’ll find something. Everyone around here’s right desperate.”  

He shrugged and started to snuggle back into his bed, “yeah. Thanks for the motivation.” 

“I guess I’m off,” I said, shoving my notebook back into my bag and throwing my bag over my shoulder. 

I was half way out of the door when he said, “bye, baby.” 

I spun around, “what’d you just call me?” 

“I said bye, bitch! Go make me some money before I hafta start workin’ the corner!” he responded. 

I let out a small laugh and shook my head, “okay, bye.” 

I shut the door and turned around to lock it behind me. I lightly hit my head up against the door. 

Ugh. 

[bigskydreaming]

Honestly though, for the most part I’m still just always gonna sigh at future MCU movies with mutants, because they’ll be relatively condensed to just team ensembles given how big the MCU already is, and it just makes me go rawr about how WE COULD HAVE HAD IT ALLLLLLL.

Like, I think a lot about just how damn MUCH Fox wasted the X-Men in all the years they had access to them. Their movies were so generic and confined, IMO, when like.....they had literally every opportunity to make their own version of the MCU, just as broad and containing just as many subgenres. The X-Men mythos is really that expansive. They could have built up an X-Men team, solo movie by solo movie, and then bringing them all together. I fucking DEFY anyone to say that there's something inherent in the characters of Tony Stark, Peter Quill, and Scott Lang that makes it possible to build entire franchises around them, but that the same isn't true for a good dozen different X-Men. Like just off the top of my head, the possibilities for solo movies for individual X-characters based just on their own unique backgrounds and niches: 1) Psylocke - before she was an X-Man, she was literally a supermodel slash spy. If you can't make 'female James Bond with psychic powers' work, you're not trying. 2) Gambit - everything about him and his character and his origins screams HEIST CAPER HEIST CAPER HEIST CAPER. Ocean's Eleven with Gambit recruiting a team of mutant criminals to steal something from Madripoor, while dodging assassination attempts from his ex-wife's relatives, etc etc. 3) Storm - you could easily make a movie with an epic fantasy tone around her, from her childhood as a thief in Cairo hunted by the mysterious and otherworldly Shadow King to her days being worshipped as a goddess in the Serengeti and now more than capable and ready to fight the Shadow King for the souls of her people. 4) Cable - Terminator style movie centered around the emotional core of Cable going back in time to save the world by saving his own parents from his twisted mirror self, Stryfe. If you don't want to mix clones and time travel streamline things by making Stryfe just a literal other version of Cable like they're each other's road not taken diverging from the same moment in time when Scott and Jean sent baby Nathan into the future to save him. 5) Magik - young girl kidnapped by demon sorcerer who over the course of years leeches her soul and innocence to empower his dark magics, all while she bides her time and learns from watching him, ultimately rising up to overthrow him by claiming the power he tried to steal from her and wielding his own spells against him. 'Nuff said. 6) Longshot - its 2022, how has nobody ever tried to capitalize on the character who was created to star in gladiator combat and rebellions that were real life to him while just being entertainment to others. He's literally The Hunger Games but with superpowers. 7) Bishop - if the Cable pitch doesn't work for studio execs, you've got Bishop waiting in the wings, ready to pop in and out of the timestream in pursuit of assholes from the future seeking to Kang the Conqueror their way to world domination. 8) Dani Moonstar - remix Dani's powers of illusions drawn from the psyche just enough that an accident with them draws her INTO the realms of myth and fantasy she usually pulls FROM. She discovers that everything is real somewhere, even places like Asgard, and now she has to find (or create) a Yellow Brick Road to lead her back home, crossing through battlefields of Valkyries, demon landscapes and more along the way. Alternatively, young mutant and aspiring pop star Lila Cheney accidentally teleports herself across the galaxy and has to find her way home, only to stumble into galactic superstardom via Guardians of the Galaxy style antics. Etc, etc. You could do something like Sage, Emma Frost or Monet St. Croix infiltrating the Hellfire Club at a young age and trying to navigate its complicated politics without losing her soul. Or family drama writ large as young mutants Chamber, Blink or even Nightcrawler, any of them possibilities for being abandoned at birth as obvious mutants, seek answers about their origins only to be plunged into operatic Wagnerian (pun intended) antics via their supervillain parent/ancestor Apocalypse or Azazel. Space adventures with any of the Summers kids learning honey, your parents were kidnapped by aliens. More epic fantasy possibilities with someone like Magma discovering their entire civilization is just a cruel immortal's toy and taking on Selene to save her people from her eternal manipulations. The possibilities were endless, and Fox was like, lol, nah, what if we just used the same handful of characters and also some robots to just like.....make pew pew noises at each others with their lasers. Like, love that energy, Fox. Good hustle out there.

[omar-rudeberg]

the music of young royals, vols. 1-17

This post highlights is the music of young royals, volumes 1-17, lovingly birthed by @starsabovetheunderground (and shared here with express permission). These are separate close analyses of the young royals soundtrack, encapsulating close character studies, audio aesthetics, lyric interpretations, and how each of the songs are simultaenously informed by and drive forward the narrative within which they occur. Each contains exceptional meta-analysis, delicately nuanced and summarised in a piece of gorgeously evocative prose.

I have listed each post below with a favourite moment lifted from the text (none of the quotes are mine). Share this post if you’re called to, but most importantly, please click through to read and like / reblog / reply to / share the original work!

«« »»

the music of young royals

vol. 1 | bad - farveblind, killason

we are being pulled into the underground and the world of young royals with a mission to escape.

vol. 2 | wannabe ghetto - fata boom

battling the beat is the revving engine of erik's sports car.

vol. 3 | it takes a fool to remain sane - omar rudberg

acknowledging just how difficult this must be for wilhelm ... telling him, in fact, going crazy is the only response that makes sense.

vol. 4 | i see you - nadia tehran

to be a public figure like a royal is to be living in a fishbowl (or, using the metaphor from young royals, a frog prince snow globe) and exposed for viewing at all angles.

vol. 5 | blah blah blah - armin van buuren

once again we’re pulled into the underground, but this time the mission is not to escape. this time the mission is to survive...

vol. 6 | hands up high - adele roberts, jacob blair, gabriella chering, charlie tenku

if simon's voice is the powerful melody that comes through clear over the noise then these lyrics are a sign for wilhelm to keep turning up the dial.

vol. 7 | no tomorrow - ty frankel, stephane lo jacomo, myariah summers

but the songs of the second episode belong to felice ... can be read as an expression of the expectations for felice to get wilhelm’s attention and perhaps one day become a princess.

vol. 8 | alpha - yung titties

there is still an opulent confidence that accompanies the power of money. that money begets cultural capital begets more money.

vol. 9 | come to play -  andrey tatarinov, ty frankel, nathan bodiker

wilhelm must decide if he wants to make a break for it with simon or surrender all hopes of escape resigned to his gilded cage.

vol. 10 | äter upp dig - maxida märak

for what is supposed to be a moment of happy family reunions, there is a lot of unspoken tension just below the surface.

vol. 11 | holes - zhala, deep throat choir

...that state of isolation wilhelm is frozen in. the wind blows through his life, but the breeze echoes off the canyon walls freshly carved by the loss of the solid foundation from erik's presence that was once there.

vol. 12 | remember - omar rudberg

this song has a fascinating dual meaning of being both a memorial and a ballad. the remembrance is for erik, but being written into history is for wilhelm.

vol. 13 | revolution - elias, no. 1

there's the beauty of their love returning to the surface, but it still means setting a fire and feeling the heat as it burns.

vol. 13 | revolution - elias, no. 2

young royals uses beauty and love as a way to enter a revolutionary consciousness, where wilhelm and simon's connection becomes a way to push out of the past and into the future.

vol. 14 | live and die - gina dirawi

all that [wilhelm] has left is worship at the altar of the only god he has found: the love he feels for simon. ((not that I’m picking favourites, but if you’re going to read just one? for goodness sakes let it be this one - Lili x))

vol. 15 | sunday - gina dirawi

wilhelm is being cast down not only for refusing to kneel to the crown, but for kneeling in love before simon. ((...and this one - Lili x))

vol. 16 | impatient - duvchi

the meaning is to be impatient, but the way the song echoes the ending of the word as “patient” doubly communicates the opposite. this patience vs. impatience manifests immediately ... it’s wilhelm's impatience against simon's patience.

vol. 17 | samurai swords (acoustic) - highasakite

this song is the lone one that belongs to august. he wants to inflict as much damage on wilhelm as immediately as he can, even if that means burning the bridge. even if it means burning the palace.

[amberlynnmurdock]

New Love, New Haven

Chapter Eleven: Navigation 

Pairing: Benjamin Tallmadge x Original Female Character 

Summary: Nathan and Ben have a heart-to-heart. Sadie and Ben find other ways to keep a secret. 

A/N: Hope you’re all having a lovely June! I hope you enjoy this chapter! 

Warnings: very very mild sexual content (IDK why I’m even putting a warning but I guess it’s alluded lol) 

June 1773

Something had shifted ever since the secret was out about Ben and Sadie. Things were so much easier for them now, Sadie almost missed sneaking out and passing notes. For Sadie, it was nice to not have to worry about getting caught or have to watch her words around everyone anymore. Even for Ben—a weight had been lifted off his shoulders now that Nathan knew. It felt even more right to be with Sadie now that it wasn’t a secret anymore.

Sadie was wiping down the bar at the tavern, replaying the moment she had confessed to Nathan about Ben.

If they were kids, and Nathan had found out a boy was secretly dating his sister, he would’ve pushed the boy into the ground and told him to stay away. She laughed, remembering so many times Nathan defended her when she was young. Her mind wandered to an early

memory she had of Nathan.

☆☆☆☆

April 1763

It was a cold spring day and the sun shone brightly but not bright enough to feel warm outside. It was one of those days one had to be constantly moving around to not feel cold. For Sadie, she would rather be sitting comfortably in the wagon instead of running around and roughing it up with her brother and his friends.

Nathan held the handle of the wagon and ran across the field, dragging Sadie along. She held onto either side of the red wagon as Nathan took twists and turns in the field. Sadie laughed uncontrollably. Anyone else might’ve felt unsafe being pulled like that but Sadie knew her big brother wouldn’t do anything that’d hurt her.

They were racing his friends who pulled their own wagons. Nathan was the first to reach the big tree near the pond, and he raised his fist in the air in success.

"We won!” Nathan shouted at his friends.

His other two friends, names Sadie couldn’t remember, pulled up with their own wagons out of breath, and quite upset.

“She didn’t win! All she did was sit there and be pulled around,” one of them spat, sticking their tongue out at Sadie.

“Yeah, why is she even here anyway? She should be inside with the other tots knitting and doin’ whatever boring thing girls do!”

Sadie, completely shocked by their comments, kept still in the wagon. She looked at her brother and covered her face with her hands, tears welling in her eyes.

“Hey, stop that!” Nathan shouted at his friends. “She has every right to play out here like we do! Come on, Sadie. We’ll find something else to do.” Nathan huffed and began to pull the wagon, with Sadie, back to their house.  

☆☆☆☆

Sadie smiled at the memory. Nathan was always quick to defend her. Part of her wondered if it was hard for Nathan to realize she didn’t really need his defending anymore. Perhaps that’s why he reacted the way he did when he found out about Ben. She was older now; she could fight her own battles, and make her own decisions.

She started to wipe a stubborn speck of dirt on the counter. She didn’t hear the doors of the tavern open.

“Sadie,” Nathan’s voice came from behind. Sadie stopped wiping the counter and turned around to greet her brother with a smile. Folding the rag, she placed it on the counter and faced her brother.

“Nathan, what are you doing here so early?” Sadie asked crossing her arms.

“I’ve come to speak with you,” Nathan answered. His smile was crooked, his blonde hair shining even in the natural lighting of the tavern. Nathan held his tricorn in his hands in front of him, as if he had been caught with something he stole. The look of sadness on his face worried her. Knowing whatever it was couldn’t be good, she took a deep breath.

“What is it, Nathan?” Sadie asked, walking toward her brother.

“It’s—I’m leaving a bit earlier than anticipated. For East Haddam,” Nathan admitted with a deep sigh. “I wanted to tell you before Father did.”

“Oh,” was all Sadie could say. “Oh… well, when?”

“The end of the month,” Nathan replied.

Sadie raised her eyebrows, in an attempt to dry the tears that had formed in the corners of her eyes. She smiled brightly for Nathan, although it felt like her heart had been squeezed tightly.

“You get to start your new venture sooner!” She mustered all the lightness she could in her voice, clapping her hands together. She met Nathan’s pained expression with a smile and squeezed his shoulders. “I’m so happy for you, Nathan.”

“I didn’t want to go so early,” Nathan defended, shaking his head. “I wanted to spend the rest of the summer here with you, with Genny…but I must go.”

Sadie felt a lump in her throat form. Why was it, when things always changed in their lives, did Sadie always think back to when they were just kids? Right now, she couldn’t get the image out of her head of Nathan running around with her when she was just seven years old. Their mother yelled at them for playing in the mud. The image of Nathan on his way to Yale in a carriage with their father, for the first time ever. And now, another core memory was forming right before her eyes. Nathan was done with school, done with college, and now what lay ahead was simply the future. The days of them being kids were gone—this was real life now. Sadie didn’t need to be protected anymore, and Nathan didn’t have to do the protecting. Now it was time for them to learn how to navigate their lives, without them being in it all the time.

“This is the most exciting thing you’ve waited for,” Sadie reasoned, tears falling down her cheeks. “What’s wrong?”

“I’ll miss you,” Nathan simply answered, shrugging his shoulders. He wiped Sadie’s tears away and brought her in for a hug, holding her tightly. “’Tis not going to be the same without annoying you here at the tavern.” He smiled. Sadie laughed against his chest and pulled back, wiping her face.

“You better write to me,” Sadie playfully punched his shoulder. “And write to me all your lessons you teach. Maybe even ones you learn, too.”

“Of course, I will,” Nathan affirmed. “I’ll visit as much as I can, at any opportunity.”

“Then good,” Sadie nodded, gathering herself. “Now enough of this sentimental stuff.”

Nathan laughed, putting his tricorn on a nearby table. He offered to help Sadie clean the counter of the bar, which Sadie gladly accepted. The rest of the time he spent there, they talked about what he would be teaching first, and where he would be staying. Nathan spoke of Genny and how they will be working things out. He hopes Sadie will spend time with Genny when he’s gone.

And at least, Ben was here until the end of August.

☆☆☆☆

Ben sat at his desk, sitting quietly as he read through his book on mathematics. Truthfully, it was one of the more boring subjects for Ben. Not because he didn’t like it, but since it came so easy to him, it wasn’t quite exciting. Still, he disciplined himself and told himself to get through just one more chapter.

That’s when Nathan suddenly came inside his room, well, their room, and kicked off his boots and plopped on his bed. Ben chuckled at his friend, closing his book.

Nothing was strange between him and Nathan since he found out. Nathan didn’t appreciate being lied to all this time, but he was glad it was Ben who Sadie had fallen for. He trusted all of his friends, but he didn’t trust all of them like he trusted Ben. He would trust Ben with his life. If he could do that, why wouldn’t he trust him with his very own sister?

“I’m leaving earlier than anticipated,” Nathan told Ben, sitting up in bed. Ben turned around in his chair.

“When?” Ben asked.

“The end of the month,” Nathan answered.

“Christ,” Ben replied, “that’s in a fortnight.”

“I know,” Nathan sighed heavily. “I just told Sadie.”

“Hmm,” Ben remembers feeling weary whenever Nathan would say Sadie’s name, so it’s a foreign feeling for him to not put on a front now. “How did she take it?”

“Well, I suppose. I mean, it’s not the last time we’ll see each other,” Nathan laughed, “I guess it’s just different this time around. I’m not going away for school—this is my career, the rest of my life.”

“A lot of things are different now,” Ben said.

Nathan laughed ironically. He sighed before he spoke his next words.

“Your relationship with my sister is between you and her,” he began thoughtfully, “but please, Tallmadge, I just ask one thing: be kind to her. Look out for her.”

Ben’s mouth went agape. He shifted in his seat so he was fully looking at Nathan.

“My intentions with Sadie are pure. I—she is very, very important to me. I plan to be with her as long as she will let me,” Ben explained.

“Very well,” Nathan considered Ben’s answer. “Well, my next question is, how do you plan to uphold that? When you leave, in August?” Although Nathan couldn’t protect Sadie from everything anymore, that didn't mean he wouldn’t look out for her. He knows how sensitive his sister can be—if Ben were to not remain loyal when he left, Sadie would be upset.

With conviction, Ben stood up from his chair.

“I will write to her every single week. Day, if possible. Wethersfield is not far from New Haven—a day’s travel, which means the mail will come quickly. I will visit as much as I can, and—“

“Okay,” Nathan stood up, meeting Ben’s height. “Understood.”

Ben was nearly out of breath from his ramblings, defending his intentions.

“I don’t take being with her lightly, you must know this, Nathan,” Ben continued. “Especially since you are her brother and my best friend.”

“Forgive me for wanting assurance. Should I remind you I only found out about a few days ago?”

Ben rested his case when Nathan said that. He nodded in understanding.

“I trust you,” Nathan placed his hands on Ben’s shoulders, looking him in the eyes. “But you must prove it to her.”

“I will,” Ben affirmed. “Absolutely, I will.”

☆☆☆☆

Sadie sat up in her bed, her legs in a criss-cross position, in her nightgown. She had a small candle going by her bedside table. She peered out her window, waiting for Ben’s arrival.

It was half past midnight. Just because their secret was out in the open didn’t mean they couldn’t find other ways to sneak around. Sadie felt giddy. She’d never had someone of the opposite sex come into her room.

Earlier, Sadie put together the chamomile concoction she’s made once before to get her father to sleep heavily. She might’ve felt guilty but her father had been overworking himself lately, and a restful sleep was what he needed, whether he knew it or not.

Sadie saw a figure in the distance, and the closer it got to the tavern, Sadie could confirm that it was Ben. He wore his tricorn hat to cover his face, and a large jacket, and carried his satchel full of notes. Upon seeing him go to the back, Sadie quickly and quietly trotted down the stairs to meet him.

She put a finger to her lips to shush him. He followed her quietly up the steps. When the floor creaked, they froze. After hearing her father’s snore, they continued up the steps and quickly shuffled into her bedroom, where they would be safe.

“Phew,” Sadie exhaled as she shut the door behind her. She smiled at Ben, who shrugged his hat and coat off. “We made it.”

Ben smiled, his golden brown hair messy from the hat. He ran his fingers through his hair to fix it. He let his locks fall loose. He beckoned her over with his arms wide open. Sadie tiptoed to him and fell into his warm embrace, placing her cheek on his chest.

“So,” Ben simply said, “this is your room.”

Sadie pulled back, “Yes. There’s not much going on, but it is quite cozy. Especially when I have something to read.”

Ben’s eyes lit up at the mention of something to read. He briefly let go of her and got out his satchel, opening it up to reveal a large textbook for Sadie. Her eyes widen at the sight of it.

“Good Lord, Benjamin,” Sadie exclaimed. Ben laughed at her reaction. “Is this what you’ll be teaching in Wethersfield?”

“No,” he shook his head, “this is for you.”

“For me?” Sadie repeated. She held the large leather-bound book in her hands. It read Chronology of Ancient Kingdoms by Sir Isaac Newton. It was dated 1728.

“Wow,” she marveled at the book, “why this one? I am grateful for it, but I’m curious the reasoning.”

“Something different,” Ben explained simply. “This isn’t the only one I have for you, but it’s the first one you’ll get.”

“You mean you’ve got more books for me? Where are you getting them from?”

Ben smiled. “My own collection. I won’t have room for them to travel with me when I go. And I don’t know anyone better who will take great care of them, and find them useful, too.”

Sadie was touched. She placed the large book on her desk, running her fingers over the cover.

“And when do you go?” Sadie asked softly, running her fingers over the side of his face now. Ben’s eyes fluttered at her touch. Although she was only in her nightgown, and her hair was down as well, Ben thought she never looked more beautiful, standing in front of him.

“The end of August,” Ben answered.

She pressed her lips together.

“I’ll be a year older by then,” she mused.

Ben nodded in response.

They talked more as they held each other, standing in the middle of her room. Ben twirled one of the front pieces of her hair as Sadie spoke about her plans for the fall with Genny. She listened when Ben told her how his lesson plans were coming along. Good, he had said. He couldn’t wait to show her when they were ready. Sadie shook her head.

“Save it for the letters,” she said rather sadly, without meaning to. Ben furrowed his brows in concern, placing his fingers on her chin.

“I’ll always write you. And I’ll come back for you. I promise.”

Sadie walked past him and faced her bed. She fiddled with her hands. Maybe she was tired, maybe she was anxious, or both. These feelings she’d been hiding away would come about at some point. But, not tonight, she told herself.

Ben was right behind her as if he could read her thoughts. She turned around to look at him again with a sleepy smile. Suddenly, she felt his strong arms wrap around her waist, pulling her flush against his chest. She placed her hands on his chest, bringing a bit of distance between their faces. Her heart began to beat fast. For a moment, Ben only looked at her behind his own tired blue eyes. He studied her, both their breaths growing heavy the longer they held contact. Suddenly, Sadie forgot what she had been worried about because the intense look in Ben’s eyes made her believe in something. In them.

“You drive me mad, Sadie,” Ben hoarsely whispered, pushing a strand of her hair behind her ear. Sadie smiled in response. “And you find that amusing,” Ben shook his head. “You don’t understand that I deeply desire you,” Ben confessed in a low voice, his warm breath hitting the cool of her neck. Sadie looked away from him, biting her lip, but the feeling was overwhelming. She was afraid if she looked at him with him looking at her like that, she’d combust right there.

She pulled him by his arms to her bed. She sat down first and had Ben sit next to her. With one leg on the bed and one hanging off, she took both Ben’s hands and held them.

“I’ve never had someone on my bed before,” Sadie confessed.

“It’s all right,” Ben comforted. “We don’t… have to do anything. We can just lay.”

“I want to,” Sadie continued. “I just…I don’t know…” Sadie wondered where her confidence had gone. Just months ago, she practically begged for Ben to touch her intimately and he refused. Now that the moment had presented itself again, she was scared. Perhaps she realized she had more to lose than she realized, once Ben went away. And once again, her worries bubbled on the surface. But when she looked at Ben, who looked so patient with her, her worries were gone.

“Let’s lay,” he suggested, taking her hand and pulling her toward him. He leaned back into her bed, and she nuzzled her face in the crook of his neck.

They would navigate those treacherous waters another time, Sadie thought. It was much more comforting to just be there in bed with Ben, with no expectations and no pressure. She didn’t have to say it. It was written all over her face. Ben knew she wasn’t ready. She’d save herself for him though, because one day, she would be.

[balillee]

why 'there's no lore going on' right now in the dream smp - The Misfits Analogy

Fans of television, especially British television, will probably be familiar with an early 2010's show called Misfits. The show ran for five seasons spanning 2009 to 2013 - while the first two seasons (the first moreso than the second) are regarded more as cult classics, the latter half of the show completely falls in writing and production quality due to one significant change - the cast.

Seasons one and two of Misfits was centred around the original misfits gang - Nathan Young (portrayed by Robert Sheehan), Kelly Bailey (portrayed by Lauren Socha), Simon Bellamy (portrayed by Iwan Rheon), Alisha Daniels (portrayed by Antonia Thomas) and Curtis Donovan (portrayed by Nathan Stewart-Jarrett).

The show was good for two different factors from my perspective -

The intersection of superpowered television and interpersonal conflicts that broke the norm for stereotypes.

How the cast reflected modern British society.

In summary, the show followed a group of five young offenders at a community service centre. Not too interesting - but give them relatability, realism and explore their character development and their existing stereotypes/tropes through the use of superpowers? Genius.

Nathan was most definitely the fan favourite character of the show - he was outgoing, annoying, larger than life in a lot of ways and in all senses, he was a skeevy asshole who would insult characters at every turn. He was very much the class clown of the show and any British viewer could probably see someone they remember from school in Nathan, except Nathan was lovable and you could sympathise with him because you could see him struggling primarily at home and with his family.

Spoilers for the show - Nathan's power was immortality and the ability to resurrect himself from death. This power wasn't explicit immediately either to Nathan or to the audience unlike all of the other young offenders, and it reflected his 'nothing can hurt me ' attitude. Nathan was a character who could take any comment and brush it off like it was nothing, and he in the physical sense could take being thrown off a roof, impaled and practically buried alive and be sitting in his own coffin with his iPod all fine and dandy.

Kelly was also another standout example - her character reflected the stereotype of a chavvy girl, 'council house and violent' - loudmouthed, not very smart, questionable fashion choices and a bit abrasive. The only difference is that the show knew they had to subvert that stereotype - instead, Kelly was smart in her own way and she was empathic -> her superpower was the ability to hear other people's thoughts, and later, she became superintelligent and when her character left the show she decided to move to Uganda use her newfound rocket-scientist level intelligence for good. She was still loudmouthed and definitely chavvy, but she was also a whole human person who cared about other people and who was definitely intelligent.

If I kept going, I'd be lamenting about how season one's cast well reflected and subverted stereotypes and expectations using their superpowers, but I'd be here all day and that's really not the point I'm trying to make.

By the end of season 2, Robert Sheehan, as the standout performance from the show, decides to move on to greener pastures (which,, I don't blame him, being stuck on E4 would have been a nightmare for his career and look where he is now? He's a fan favourite as Klaus in TUA now!) - thus, Nathan is written out of the show in a post- season 2 special in which he gets locked up in prison in America.

This was the first character to get written out of the show.

In season 3, we lose Kelly who moves to Uganda with Seth to defuse landmines, and Simon and Alisha are both killed, and the only remaining member of the original ASBO five is Curtis.

Season 4 rolls around, and we pretty much have an entirely new Misfits cast - Curtis, and then we have Rudy (who had been present since season 3), and then we have new additions Jess, Finn and Abbey.

Let me tell you that by this point in the show, all of the fans had lost interest.

Not only had the two biggest fan favourites, Nathan and Kelly, left the show, but you now have to replace four out of the five original cast members with new ones that don't function the same way the originals did. What type of person is someone with X-ray vision trying to represent? You could argue that maybe Jess is good at figuring people out, but I don't really remember this being explored that much in the show. And the difference between this reflecting a minor personality trait is that the original cast didn't do that - in dumbed down terms, Alisha was a 'sket' who had the power to make people horny for her, oftentimes against her wishes, through skin-to-skin contact. That's much more impactful and there's a lot more to explore there.

Episode 7 of Season 4 of Misfits is the clearest indicator of the departure of the original show's intentions and explains perfectly why it didn't work the way it used to.

For the entirety of the season, Jess had been crushing on a guy called Alex from a bar she frequented (who later went on to replace Curtis as the fifth Misfits member in season 5, go figures) who, as far as we had seen, not at all reciprocated those feelings nor was there any indication of him wanting to.

In episode 7, we figure out why.

Jess, using her x-ray vision, finds out that Alex's penis was stolen by a trans man.

I'll be honest, when I first heard it, I thought it was a joke.

The show went from having a diverse cast, not only in terms of having two black characters in it's main cast, but also in it's diversity of character tropes that they aimed to subvert - to then having a mainly white cast in a show that actively perpetuates harmful stereotypes about trans people being dangerous.

Now, and I want to preface this, I don't think that the Dream SMP is malicious in the same way that the writing of that episode of Misfits is. I don't think the SMP is malicious at all. What I want to highlight is how the change in cast directly mirrored when the audience dropoff was and when the show itself started to go south in terms of quality, production and what they wanted to achieve.

For the sake of my argument, there is currently three seasons of the dream smp. The start of the server up until the end of the initial disc war is the prologue, season one encompasses Wilbur's L'Manberg and the Pogtopia arc, ending on November 16th, season 2 starts November 17th and ends January 20th (the disc war finale) and season 3 spans from January 21st to the present day.

Most of the fans of the Dream SMP can tell you that the primary story of the server is centred around quite a few certain characters who viewers started watching to see more of. I'm guilty of this myself - I primarily watch the SMP for Tommy's story, and I also stick around for Wilbur, Tubbo, Ranboo and a little bit for Phil, Techno and Jack Manifold. Those were the people I was invested in and those are the stories I like to follow. Not to discredit or to downplay the work or the stories of other characters, but I can imagine that there are a few people who watch the SMP primarily for a close few perspectives/storylines, and following some storylines over others just because you're not interested in them is completely fine and there's nothing wrong with that at all.

In season one, there was always things going on with my favourite characters. Tommy was always getting himself into spots of trouble and making up different schemes to get people to come visit L'Manberg as a tourist attraction, or getting people to support the rebellion, and this was interspersed with the heavier, plot-driven moments such as Wilbur's mental breakdown, the festival, the pit fight and the season 1 finale. This got me invested in him as a character because he had been there for quite a while and we'd seen him develop and grow into the character we now see in season 3.

In the back half of season 1 came Techno, who really shook things up and threw a spanner in the works and provided a totally different perspective - unlike Dream he didn't hate L'Manberg because he couldn't control it, and unlike Wilbur he didn't have a personal connection to it and he didn't know it's history. Techno initially hated L'Manberg because it was a government he knew nothing about (and still knows nothing about even today), and because violence and destruction is kind of his thing.

We had a well balanced cast of characters - not too many - that we could follow and who all had varying perspectives, experiences and personalities. We had clearly defined groups of individuals with different morals: you had the people on the side of Manberg, the people in Pogtopia who wanted Manberg blown up, the people in Pogtopia who didn't want Manberg blown up, and on the side to compliment it all you also had the Badlands, comprised of three longstanding members of the server,,,, and then Antfrost who was kidnapped by Tommy that one time. It was all wrapped up nicely in a neat little bow and there was structure to it all. There was one plot that went in one direction, and despite the many perspectives, it all ended up in the same spot and the story ended. There was a conclusion.

In season 2, the two primary additions to the 'cast' were Phil and Ranboo, whose characters complimented the existing story well. Phil functioned mostly as a successor to Wilbur alongside Ghostbur by exploring well the departure of Wilbur as a character in that moment, and he also functioned well as a companion to Techno's character. Ranboo, on the other hand, had a pretty good complimentary solo story that could be followed alongside the main plot, however his story wasn't too distant from the main story to the point where he was completely removed from it - he had direct involvement in different events such as the exile conflict, his connection to Dream as the main antagonist of the season and his involvement in blowing up the community house.

Season 2 starts with a focus on two different spaces - it breaks up a longstanding duo and the storyline diverges into two halves: Logstedshire and New L'Manberg, and you have Techno's short 'retirement' arc working decently to compliment it and also to set the tone for his character going forward in that season. In Logstedshire we see the aftermath of Tommy being exiled from L'Manberg by Dream - we see him endure what is (in canon) at least a month of isolation and physical and psychological abuse and it culminates on December 15th when Tommy rescues himself, jumps from the tower and goes to hide in Techno's house (which acts as a good precursor to his involvement in Techno's storyline in that season). On the other side, we follow Tubbo in L'Manberg dealing with Presidency - he talks a lot and gets 'friendly' with Dream, he prepares to run against Ranboo in the coming election cycle (primarily because he doesn't want to be President) and we see his interactions with the power-hungrier Quackity who all too often takes the reigns and this culminates in the creation of the Butcher Army, and following the Butcher Army's attack on December 16th, once again, we have two clearly defined sides:

One one side, we have Tubbo, Quackity and Fundy who represent L'Manberg, and on the other we have Tommy (who is unaware of the Butcher Army's attack), Phil and Techno, and more in the middle we have Ghostbur and Ranboo.

Season 2's finale format is a clear departure for the format of November 16th, but it's not a poor choice - I think, especially considering the story that they were telling, it worked perfectly. On November 16th, pretty much everyone was streaming their perspective of the event; at the time, there were even compilations of everyone's reactions to Wilbur blowing up L'Manberg. On January 20th, however, we only had two perspectives - Tubbo and Tommy.

I'll say it now, while Season 2 was definitely Clingyduo's season, it didn't focus solely on them. There was also a big focus on Techno as a character, whose arc came to an end a little earlier on Doomsday, and there was also a focus on Ranboo a lot as a solo character, and he streamed a little later on January 20th with what I refer to as the 'epilogue', where there was also a shift in his character to expect moving forward.

Why season 2's finale worked is because it was centralised around only three characters, only two of which we ever see the perspectives of, and it was the finale of the longest running storyline of the entire narrative - the disc war. Two boys who were on their last life, making their last stand at the one man who pulled the strings to make their lives miserable - those two perspectives only, and it worked. We didn't have compilations of everyone reacting to the things happening around them which worked for season 1, instead, we focused on these two characters whose turn it was to get the focus, and we had iconic and moving moments. We had the two boys walking down the prime path saying what they could only assume might have been their last goodbyes to the people that still had a shred of care for them, we had the two sailing to where they would face off against Dream for their final stand and finally talking about their feelings a little and dreading the implication that if they were both to die, nobody would live to tell their stories, we had Tommy choosing his best friend over his discs time and time again, and we had Punz - Dream's last confidant - standing against Dream and bringing everyone with him and sending him to prison, now on his last life too.

Everything about it was perfect. The more focused ending worked for the ending of season 2 because it was their time to have their climax moment - and it wasn't some spectacular display of explosions or violence like in Wilbur's finale on November 16th, where the ramifications hit everyone and we got to see it, nor was it a show of violence and almost oppressive dominance like Techno's finale was on Doomsday, where we saw everyone's breakdown and how the people contributing to the destruction of L'Manberg, no matter how righteous they thought they were, did not care to understand how much they were hurting and destroying the lives of the country's citizens. On January 20th, Tommy and Tubbo went into it thinking they were going to die, they got their asses handed to them despite how hard they tried, and they had their behinds saved by Tommy's preparative thinking by people who weren't there to save them more than they were there to get rid of Dream.

Season 3 suffers a lot from a lack of focus, awful pacing and really poor timing.

Seasons 1 and 2 occurred during the brunt of the coronavirus pandemic, where everyone was stuck at home and had more time to stream because it was their primary form of content and because it was the best way to communicate with their friends. Thus, the pacing of those seasons was extremely steady and things were always happening.

Now, lockdown restrictions have eased quite a bit, and creators can branch out a lot more and can meet with each other in real life and can do vlog-style content. Therefore, they don't stream as much, and the focus of the Dream SMP story has shifted more towards newer or sideplot characters. If you enjoy those characters, that's fine, but when they take the focus away from the characters and the storylines the majority are expecting, a lot of people won't try to keep up with it and from their perspective there'll be a massive lull in narrative content.

What I'm saying, is that Tommy streaming for thirteen days in a row in July 2021 is a fucking pipe dream. It happened in December because the story was consistent and the pacing was steady and he had the time and the want to be there. Now, Tommy's off making his vlogs and hanging out with his friends and thus he can't stream as much as he used to. He's sort of suffering from the Robert Sheehan problem, isn't he? Tommy is still involved with the Dream SMP and his story is definitely continuing, and his narrative in season 3 is really starting to pick up with the newer developments, it's just that he doesn't have as much time to play the role anymore because he isn't streaming as much.

I'm not saying this is a bad thing - it's obviously making him happy that his content is changing and I'm fully supportive of that.

So when all of these meetups are happening and we don't have as much content from the main characters that we follow anymore, what happens?

Well, the fans get a little itchy. This fandom, especially. They might throw out a comment or a tweet asking when they're going to stream on the SMP, or if they really don't understand why the Dream SMP is good, they'll ask when the next 'lore stream' is, and they'll lament a little about how the content and the story has slowed, especially in contrast to the fast pacing of season 2 which only lasted a little over two months with much more story going on than in season 3 despite it having been going on for triple the time. What they'll get in response is that the Dream SMP is still going on and that lore is still happening.

On all accounts, these statements aren't incorrect. Lore still is happening.

But when you've been following lovable characters for two seasons, setting up their struggles and then switching the focus onto newer or 'sideplot' characters that you haven't really followed before, there's going to be a bit of moaning about it on twitter dot com.

The SMP now suffers from having too many characters, too many unfocused narratives, and poor pacing/ditched or unfinished storylines from the characters we used to follow and love while we're being told to love other characters instead.

I never really cared too much about the egg subplot, I'll be honest. I was a little interested in the involvement of Sam, Puffy and Ponk, but other than that, I wasn't really too invested. It very much tried to replicate the 'you should have paid me more' moment from January 20th at the Red Banquet, and it really didn't hit as hard because most of the characters there were either ones that didn't belong there at all (like Niki, Fundy, HBomb, and Purpled), weren't that involved with the plotline and felt out of place with the established characters in that storyline (Techno, Quackity and Ranboo), or were new characters that were difficult to get on board with because they hadn't really had too much of a story beforehand (Hannah and Foolish), or in the case of Antfrost, characters with no known motivation to be there other than that being the storyline they're currently in. Not to discredit those involved or their characters, but the Red Banquet really tried to replicate what the disc finale did with it's focused perspectives and it's Punz moment, and it failed.

Now, following the egg subplot's finale, I'm meant to focus on Las Nevadas, Snowchester and the Syndicate.

Las Nevadas is the most consistent storyline, however it's biggest problem is that it is filled with new characters or ones that are barely there. Despite how long he's been on the server, Purpled really is a new character if only because he's only really become a character recently - Foolish is still considered new, Slimecicle is new, Fundy rarely streams on the SMP. The only consistent longstanding and heavily involved characters that are a part of Las Nevadas are Quackity and Sam, and even their streams are infrequent, with a lot of Sam's perspective not even focusing on Las Nevadas but instead the prison.

Snowchester's plot is very much dying, dead and in the water. She's suffering. We haven't seen Michael in over a month, a nuke is still missing, Jack Manifold is dubiously a citizen and Tubbo doesn't even think he has a character on the SMP. It breaks my heart.

The Syndicate suffer from a lack of existence. The four characters really aren't a friend group in canon - all of the stuff about them hanging out all the time and them basically being a book club is all fanon. They've hung out as a four all of twice, the first time they ever got together they celebrated someone's death and then basically invaded Snowchester to give themselves a reason not to destroy it, terrifying Tubbo in the process. The second time was because it was Techno's birthday.

Now, Techno is in prison, and the only reason Phil hasn't read the will to progress the story is likely because of difficult scheduling with other server members, which is written off in canon as Phil not wanting to accept the possibility of Techno potentially dying.

Literally reading the will and having the Syndicate figure out that Techno's in prison with Dream will solve all of season 3's formatting issues and have the story back on track.

Currently, we don't really have two clearly defined sides the way we always had. We were meant to root for L'Manberg against the Dream Team, we were meant to root for Pogtopia against Manberg, and in season 2 we had a lot more moral ambiguity and room for side switching between the forces of Dream, Techno and Phil against L'Manberg, and then we rooted for Clingyduo against Dream.

I can predict that if the will is read, here's how a good conflict can arise.

Two clearly defined different sides - Las Nevadas on the side of Pandora's Vault, and the Syndicate (currently consisting of Phil, Ranboo and Niki), and you have compromises to make. If the side of the Prison wins, Techno and Dream stay in Pandora's Vault without a proper trial and being treated inhumanely, and there's also the threat of the rest of the Syndicate also being imprisoned. If the side of the Syndicate wins, the prison is taken out and Techno and Dream are no longer being treated inhumanely - problem is that Dream's out, and he's very much dangerous because despite what c!Dream apologists will tell you, he's not docile and he's not going to have a healing arc with Techno because he doesn't think he's done anything wrong and Techno can't tell him that he's done anything wrong (because Techno is the most wilfully ignorant character who gets to be political it's INSANE) - he'll go right back to the evil, abusive bastard he was, obsessed with Tommy, probably worse now that he can easily get Wilbur to do anything he wants and more vindictive against Quackity. Plus, if the Syndicate take down Las Nevadas they'll hold the most power on the server systematically and the so-called anarchists will ironically be the top dogs of the server.

Then towards the middle you'll probably end up having Wilbur, Benchtrio and Jack Manifold - Tubbo and Jack would prefer Techno and Dream staying in prison, except Tubbo's really not on the greatest terms with Q at the minute (because Q's paranoid and making conflict with parties that would have otherwise helped him out and thought they were friends), whereas Tommy would be stuck between wanting Techno out but needing to either keep Dream in or kill him, and Wilbur will be having to pick between aiding Dream's escape from prison or staying with Tommy, because he can't have both. Ranboo will probably be having the same problem as Tommy, except he's on the side of the Syndicate and will have to pick between the Syndicate or keeping Dream imprisoned.

Season 3 is salvageable, it really is. You can fix the poor pacing and you can fix the lack of focus with literally one revelation from fucking Philza M|necraft. But as it stands now, season 3 suffers from a similar situation as Misfits - almost replacing the cast of characters we've followed for the longest time with a new one in a format completely different to the original seasons.

[graysonclarke96]

Marvel: Young Avengers Protocol to Origins of Grayson Clarke.

Character to Actor:

The Clarke Family:

Grayson Clarke- Chris Wood

Zoey Clarke- Lily Collins

Sally Clarke- Kim Rhodes

Thomas Clarke- Christopher Cousins

The Stacy Family:

Gwen Stacy- Madison Iseman

Simon Stacy- Jacob Tremblay

Phillip and Howard Stacy- Freddie Highmore

Helen Stacy- Susanna Thompson

George Stacy- Mark Harmon

Jill Stacy- Emma Watson

Arthur Stacy- Sean Bean

Paul Stacy- Paul Walker

Miles Warren- Dave Annable

The Parker Family:

Ben Parker- Tom Cavanaugh

Richard Parker- Daniel Gillies

Mary Parker- Rachel Leigh Cook

The Morales Family:

Miles Morales- Jordan Fisher

Rio Morales- Danielle Nicolet

Jefferson Davis- Russell Richardson

Aaron Davis- Donald Glover

Young Avengers:

Rayshaun Lucas- Trevor Jackson

Kate Bishop- Hailee Steinfeld

Daisy Johnson- Shan Dodd

Bobbi Morse- Olivia Holt

The Fantastic Four:

Reed Richards- John Krasinksi

Susan Storm- Hilarie Burton

Johnny Storm- Zach Roerig

Ben Grimm- Conan Stevens

Defenders:

Luke Cage- Michael Jai White

Jessica Jones- Jessica De Gouw

Matt Murdock- Colin Donnell

Danny Rand- Josh Segarra

Marc Spector- Stephen Amell

Elektra Natchios- Julia Voth

X-Men:

Charles Xavier- Patrick Stewart

Logan- Hugh Jackman

Hank McCoy- Ewan McGregor

Ororo Munroe- Sonequa Martin-Green

Scott Summers- Sam Claflin

Jean Grey- Jane Levy

Kurt Wagner- Thomas Doherty

Bobby Drake- Brandon Flynn

Emma Frost- Josephine Langford

Piotr Rasputin- Daniel Cudmore

Warren Worthington- Alex Pettyfer

Alex Summers- Lucas Till

Sean Cassidy- Cameron Monaghan

Kitty Pryde- Danielle Rose Russell

Anna Marie- Elizabeth Gillies

Elizabeth Braddock- Michelle Keegan

Danielle Moonstar- Blu Hunt

Megan Gwynn- Natalie Dormer

Roberto De Costa- Froy Gutierrez

Illyana Rasputin- Anya Taylor-Joy

Tyrone Johnson- Roshon Fegan

Tandy Bowen- Virginia Gardner

Rahne Sinclair- Rose Leslie

Sam Guthrie- Charlie Heaton

(Various other students)

Brotherhood of Mutants:

Eric Lehnsherr- Dacre Montgomery

Raven Darkholme- Pauley Perrette

Cain Marko- Nathan Jones

Victor Creed- Liev Schrieber

Todd Tolenksy- Aramis Knight

Fred Dukes- William Berry

Dominic Petrakis- Toby Kebbell

Karl Lykos- Luke Evans

Jeanne-Marie Beaubier- Kaya Scodelario

Arkady Rossovich- Dolph Lundgren

Laynia Krylova- Tracy Spiridakos

(Various other Mutants)

Villains:

Otto Octavius- Mark Sheppard

Sergei Kravinoff- Manu Bennett

Flint Marko- Dominic Purcell

Max Dillon- Aaron Paul

Curt Connors- Jeffrey Dean Morgan

Morgan Le Fay- Katie McGrath

Martin Li- Stephen Oyoung

Lana Baumgartner- Emily Wickersham

Victor Von Doom- Viggo Mortensen

Carl Creel- Brian Patrick Wade

Wendigo King

Aleksei Sytsevich- Andrey Ivchenko

Tony Masters- Jason Statham

Edward Whelan- Julian Bleach

Zebediah Killgrave- David Tennant

Benjamin Pointdexter- Edgar Ramirez

Melissa Gold- Maika Monroe

Morrie Bench- Ben Foster

Thundra- Rebecca Quin

Sinthea Schmidt- Phoebe Tonkin

Other Characters:

Tim Elwood- Drew Roy

Grace Elwood- Lauren Roy

Ava Ayala- Tristan Mays

Felicia Hardy- Marie Avgeropoulos

Morgan Tyler- Hartley Sawyer

Flash Thompson- Michael Provost

Elena Gold- Nicola Peltz

Riri Williams- Candice Patton

Kamala Khan- Iman Vellani

Dante Pertuz- Jake T. Austin

MJ Watson- Sophie Skelton

Harry Osborn- Liam Hall

Norman Osborn- James Redford

Mendel Stromm- David Dayan Fisher

Cletus Kasady- Jackie Earle Haley

Eddie Brock- Alan Ritchson

J. Jonah Jameson- J.K. Simmons

Jean De Wolfe- Sandra Bullock

Jennifer Walters- Mary Elizabeth Winstead

Yuri Watanabe- Tara Platt

Richard Rider- Liam McIntyre

Sam Alexander- Dylan O'Brien

Eileen Harsaw- Camilla Belle

Mikhail Uriokovitch Ursus- Olivier Richters

Rachel Van Helsing- Katheryn Winnick

Jacob Russoff- Kristofer Hivju

Eric Brooks- Duane Henry

Robbie Reyes- Tyler Posey

Kari Lyngley- Katherine McNamara

Jared Lyngley- Ross Lynch

Bruce Banner- Eric Bana (Re-cast)

[omnitf]

Soulless

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Credit for this image goes to @dissolving-time. Follow this link to see the original post.

If you like this and my other stories, please consider supporting me on my Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/omnitf

Thank you, and enjoy the story! :D

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I used to be different than the man you see today. They say the industry changes you, and I suppose they’re right, whoever they are. I’ve been a model for ... I don’t even know how many years now. Like I said, things used to be different.

It was just one photo shoot. I didn’t expect to be such a hit. It was a million in a million in a million chance. Audition, smile to the cameras, wear the gear, sell the product, get paid in royalties. It was a straightforward business arrangement. Folks say they like to have models with a lot of heart and soul. Now that I think about it, that’s what the company said when they hired me.

My agent got the call, and then he called me. He barely kept himself from shouting as he told me the details. Daemonique was and still is one of the premier modeling brands out there. It costs a bundle and a half to even have them consider lending you their talent. Runways, photo ops, fashion articles, the works. If they looked at you, if they chose you, then you were in. You were set for life.

I was floored. Naturally, I said yes. I signed the contract and joined my fellow models in the spotlight, and my agent was offered a hefty sum for snatching me. He still lives very well, from what I understand. Daemonique poached him from his firm, something about being a, “devil of a recruiter.” We still talk sometimes, but usually it’s just when he offers me my new assignment. Sometimes, he brings new talent with him to meet me. People worship me, idolize me.

That used to impress me. Now I feel ... indifferent, I suppose. It’s ... difficult to describe. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the attention, more that ... I suppose I slide into whatever they want me to be. That’s my purpose as a model.

I remember when I was introduced to my hero in the modeling community, Nathan Bolaterro. My smile was radiant, my handshake firm and only slightly exaggerated. His smile was reserved, his bearing shifting to accommodate me.

“There are many models here,” he told me, “with many masks, many faces. It’s ... difficult to keep track of what brought you here sometimes, the ‘you’ that you put into your shoots. Make sure that you don’t lose track of it. That’s the best advice I can give you.” He looked almost sadly at a playbill with a beaming teenager wrapping either arm around another two other teens’ shoulders on stage. There were four of them, identically dressed in the traditional garb of the barber shop quartet from The Music Man. I could just barely see the resemblance between the middle left boy and the man that stood before me now.

One of the many agents that runs this place strode through the door then. “Nate, it’s time for your sports segment.”

The model swallowed heavily, and his Adam’s apple bobbed as a result. “Coming,” he said in a low-pitched tone. His gaze darted back toward that photo almost desperately. Then he turned his back and followed his handler out. I followed them into the hall, since it would be rude to remain in his dressing room.

“Do well on this one, and you’ll be a shoe-in for Soulless.” The agent grinned and thumped Nathan on the back. My breath caught at the mention of that great fashion line. Only the best of the best of the best in the agency could make it into that exalted circle.

I was confused when I saw, not a joyful smile, but a frown of unease cross over the model’s face.

The next time I saw him, he was getting out of a session for some sports magazine spread or some other campaign. His body was huge, his voice deep and dull. The familiar brand name Soulless stretched down one meaty thigh in big capital letters over the compression pants and widely across his left pectoral as he scratched the material of his compression shirt with his free hand. “You talking to me, bro?” He didn’t seem to recognize me. His eyes were glassy and unfocused. They seemed almost dead as he stared at me through the open visor of a football helmet. The angular shape of the opening gave his head an almost block-like appearance. The rich hair that had once been so carefully styled was little more than sculpted stubble now. His pupils vibrated, like they didn’t know whether to dilate or contract. Or ... maybe they were trying to, but couldn’t? “The name’s Jock....”

I still remember how freaked out I was after that encounter. My agent had to explain it to me, about Nathan’s “methods.” A lot of the models follow it, apparently. I guess ... I guess I do, too, now that I stop to think about it. There’s a sort of role that we’re asked to fill for each of our shoots. Whatever we model, the photographer wants us to fit certain ... characters, tropes, if you will. These tropes have names, and we don them as easily as we do makeup or an outfit for the cameras. Jock, Brat, Badboy, Greaser, Guido, Father, Hipster, Businessman, and so on.

It’s ... easy to forget your name when you’re in this community. You become almost numb to it. You have to, if you want to survive the media storms that follow you around. Let go of the power that name has over you, and you can usually ignore most of the reporters or rabid fans trying to get your attention. It’s a trick you learn fast in the business, once you make it big. And all Daemonique models make it big. Sometimes, when I have to sign a waiver or some other legal document, I pause and stare at the line, and I have to grope in the dark to try to find the name I cast away. Sometimes, it’s suggested that I just sign with an X, like a lot of the other models do, but I don’t want to yet. I still want to be able to keep that power of the name with me. If I stop using it there, it’ll be harder to ... to ... what? I’m not sure. Remember? Pull back? Be myself?

What even is “myself” anymore? I’m ... I’m not sure.

I’ve taken to carrying the photo that brought me to Daemonique’s attention with me. I find it ... grounding to stare at. Almost comforting, really. I talk to it sometimes, greet it with my name, almost like it’s another person. I guess ... in a way, it is. It’s sort of like a lifeline to me, a connection to the me that was before all the lights and the cameras and the flashes and masks I’ve had to don for the sake of the shoot, the product, the image that Daemonique wants me to fit.

I feel less and less like a person and more and more like some ... glorified prop, a life-sized doll that my handlers change, dress, shift, and adapt to their whims. And the scary part is, ... I’m okay with that. I ... almost relish slipping into those characters and roles now, because they fill that emptiness that I return to when I take them off. The face I see in the mirror of my dressing room is so ... alien to me now. It’s nothing like the face I see when I look at this photo. And that emptiness is reinforced whenever I get in line with the other models for our weekly assessments. There’s no real talking, just standing, waiting, moving in time as the camera shutter clicks, snaps, clacks. The model turns, the process repeats, until all the sides are captured. Then we move forward, and the next one follows. The young bloods toward the back of the line whisper and talk among themselves. I used to do that, too, to be that. Now, ... now it feels so ... unnecessary. I stand among my peers, where quiet is the norm and blank the ideal. A canvas waiting to be painted. A whiteboard waiting to be drawn up, then cleared.

...

A walking, talking mannequin.

Is that all I am now?

Is that all my purpose is?

Is this ... really what I want?

...

Does it really even matter anymore?

I feel so strange, so stripped, so ... empty, even as I stand on that line now, waiting for that photo set. I pull out my photo for comfort. That tiny spark is only so much against the yawning void that’s eaten away inside of me. A wry smile curves my lips, one of the first sincere ones I’ve had in who knows how long.

Did you know that some cultures believed that to capture yourself in a photo was to capture a piece of your soul? By that logic, every human who’s ever consumed media or pictures is a demon, or at least part demon. They consume those fragments, those pieces. And the models and actors and actresses let them. And they fill up with other things and ideas, just like I do when I’m in a shoot. They’re just as empty, just as desperate for fulfillment, a role, even a piece, a taste of the soul they used to be.

I barely even recognize the feel of the textured mat when I step in front of the camera. I stare into the lens, still holding the photo. The shutter clacks. The light flashes. My shadow is thrown up in sharp relief behind me on the backdrop. I blink. For a moment, I could almost swear that I see sharpened teeth bared in a hungry, anticipatory grin. Clack goes the shutter. Flash goes the light. Around I turn. I feel no sense of fear or worry at the sight of the horns. I feel ... nothing. I turn again and watch my shadow flash in front of me, then fade into the nothingness of the backdrop. Just a 2-D silhouette. No substance, no form, just here and gone in a flash of light and the click of a shutter.

I feel no anxiety at the sound of clopping hooves echoing in my ears as I turn again. I’m just going through the motions, following the formula. They want a blank slate. They want the empty. They want a foundation they can build and mold like clay in their hands. Malleable. Easy to shape and control. No complaints. No thoughts or discomforts. Just ... being. Just existing.

...

Empty.

I look down at my photo. There is no more thrill at it. No spark. No joy. No connection. Whatever power it held has been stripped by the camera. It is a person I do not know, a blank face in a crowd. I see no light in those eyes, no life, no ... soul, to use the company term. I see only a picture, a pointless picture.

Flash. Clatter. Flutter. Smack. The photo is no longer in my hand as I turn to face the camera again. The creature before me leers behind the camera as one final shutter goes off, one last flash. He licks his lips as his tail lashes behind him.

I turn and march as the other models before me on the line have done. Another paper is shoved at me. I do not bother with the name this time. An X will suffice.

My agent is there next to me suddenly. The soles of his shoes clunk with a rhythmic clopping, almost like hooves. He adjusts the waistband of his pants uncomfortably, then rubs at the nubs that I see growing from his forehead. He seems to be sweating for some reason. I’m not sure why as he breaths heavily. I can just see the hints of longer pointed canines protruding from his lips. He raises his phone and snaps a picture of me. I don’t blink.

“I think he’s ready, Sir.”

This time, I do blink. When I open my eyes, there is a bigger agent hovering over his shoulder. This one is like the photographer. The air smells of aftershave with a hint of sulfur as he leans down to peer into my eyes. I don’t care. I stare into an abyss like my own. This one has lights, but it it is different than mine was. It is not so much an absence of substance as a consumer of it. For the briefest of moments, I feel what could almost be considered a suction, a vacuous force seeking to draw something out of me, only there’s nothing to take. Nothing moves, nothing comes, because whatever that vacuum consumes is not there.

The grin that spreads across that face is savage and predatory. “Well done.” He lays a heavy clawed hand on my agent’s shoulder.

My agent shudders as his eyes flicker briefly and corrugated black horns slowly begin to emerge from the nubs. He licks his lips, and as he does so, flashes of his sharpening teeth appear in my gaze. He swallows and gulps, and as the pressure from what I can only assume is his supervisor increases, he hunches forward precariously on the balls of his feet as the beginnings of a tail bursts out behind him, having broken free of the confines of the seat of his pants.

“Th-thank you, Sir,” he repeats breathlessly as he stands up again. His cheeks are flushed from the sudden changes that have overtaken his body.

“Keep it up, and you’ll fit right in in no time.”

“Y-yes, Sir.” He smiles almost timidly, but there’s a hint of bite to it as his sharper teeth peek over the edges of his lips.

They motion for me to follow, and I do so without question.

“What will he, uh, it, become, Sir?”

The supervisor grins as we approach a large black door with red gilded lettering on its front in an angular archaic font that reads, SOULLESS. “Whatever we want it to be.”

The door opens, and I step forward, ready to take on whatever role my owners require. I am ready to be filled. I am blank.

“Welcome to Soulless, slate.”

My response is as numb and empty as I feel. “Thank you, Sir.”

I am nothing more than a dummy shuffled from caricature to caricature. That is my purpose and my role. When my work is complete, I am wiped clean, a blank slate again, to be molded and shaped as my handlers please. This is the fate of the soulless, and the soulless do not care.

I am Jock. I am Bear. I am Thug. I am Guido. I am Officer. I am Soldier. I am Father. I am Son. I am King. I am Peasant. I am Extra. I am everything and nothing. I am one of a legion of slates waiting to be wiped clean or filled according to our handlers’ whims.

We are legion.

We are the empty.

We are Soulless.